Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Seriously, Zelos," Lloyd said, though he was laughing, shaking loose strands of hair out of his eyes charmingly. "I don't usually drink much -- "

"Which is exactly why you should now," Zelos insisted, pushing the glass back towards him, braced firmly between gloved fingers. "I mean, how often do we get the chance to cut loose these days? We're always traveling around in the middle of nowhere, or demanding people show us their exspheres like we're goddamn…enforcers, or something. We gotta take breaks." He could see Lloyd softening, the corners of his lips still upturned as he looked at Zelos, his fingers drumming the bar. "Hmmm?" Zelos tilted his head just a bit, biting his lip, and saw when Lloyd caved entirely, shaking his head and huffing.

"Okay. I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?" Even as he said it, he accepted the proffered drink, sliding it closer to himself and staring down at it. "What is this stuff, anyway?"

"Nymph's Tears," Zelos answered promptly, straightening. "Rare, processed from a difficult-to-find fruit that grows in the depths of the Gaoracchia Forest. Known to be sweet and easy to drink, but potent."

Lloyd's eyes were uncharacteristically knowing. "Mhm," he hummed, looking straight at Zelos. "Sounds like someone I know."

Zelos blinked. His face felt hot. Unnecessarily, because Lloyd couldn't possibly mean --

Lloyd lifted the glass, sipping the drink, but he didn't take his eyes off Zelos. Okay, maybe he did mean it that way.

"Yeah," Lloyd murmured. "Sweet enough. Deceptively, maybe."

Zelos swallowed. Rallied. Leaned closer. "Oh? Do you like it?"

Lloyd took another sip. "It's not bad. It comes on a bit strong, maybe?"

Zelos almost found himself offended, and had to remind himself that technically, Lloyd was talking about the drink. "It'll grow on you, I think," he said. "Give it a chance. Ah, wait, I didn't mean -- " He stared incredulously, as Lloyd tipped the glass back, downing most of the drink. "Lloyd -- "

The glass gave a barely audible clink as Lloyd returned it to the wooden bar, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Goes down easy enough," he said, and Zelos felt the back of his neck heat. The drink, Lloyd meant…

"How'd you go from not wanting to drink to downing it all in one?" Zelos asked, disgruntled but mildly impressed. "Hell. I told you it was expensive, too…"

"I'm here with the Chosen, aren't I?" Lloyd said, grinning. "You told me to cut loose. What, you can't afford a few drinks? Great Zelos?"

Zelos rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay. If you want an expensive night of drinking, far be it for me to keep you from it, Bud…" He had been the one to suggest it, but why was he suddenly uncertain? "Feel free to get whatever. It's on me tonight."

Lloyd leaned his elbows on the bar for a while, head in his hands, and when the bartender passed by, ordered another of the same drink. "That one is strong, like I said," Zelos warned, and Lloyd looked back at him, leaning closer.

"Yeah. I don't mind strong, sometimes." His cheeks were suffused with a tinge of pink, and Zelos knew he was starting to feel the drink already. "Aren't you going to drink yours?"

"I'm certainly not going to chug it like you did," Zelos retorted, flipping his hair back over his shoulder. "And if you're going to be totally drunk, one of us should probably be a bit more in control -- "

"You like that, don't you?" Lloyd murmured. Zelos had to lean a bit closer to hear the words. "Control."

Fuck. Maybe getting Lloyd drunk had been a bad idea. How was it that it only made him more perceptive, more incisive? Zelos could only laugh, twirling a lock of his hair between his fingers. Because what could he say?

There was another quality to Nymph's Tears, one he hadn't brought up in his explanation to Lloyd. It tended towards amplifying people's instincts and desires, especially those they usually kept in check. He hadn't thought that would do much to Lloyd, though -- the guy was always impulsive, an open book. But now, Zelos was starting to think there were more hidden depths there than he'd assumed.

They sat a while, the silence companiable but charged. At first, Zelos simply nursed his own drink, enjoying the flavor he only rarely partook in. Eventually, though, he was unable to ignore the way Lloyd was fixated on him, all that single-minded intensity directed with purpose. Those usually-innocent brown eyes scanned him meticulously -- searching his face, tracing down his neck and torso, lower, staring at the lines of his body. Zelos kept himself casual, effortless, and poised, but his heart was beating faster in his chest. How could it not?

"Like something you see?" Zelos joked automatically, then regretted his statement as Lloyd's attention went back to his face.

"Yeah," his friend breathed. "Honestly? I think I do."

There was a beat of silence.

"You're drunk," Zelos said, softly. Lloyd drained the last of his second drink and set it aside, sitting up a little straighter in the chair.

"Not drunk enough to forget how beautiful you are," Lloyd said, entirely stealing Zelos' breath along with whatever other response he'd been about to give. But not responding was a mistake, because Lloyd continued, "I just wanna know more about you, Zelos. We're friends, and we've gotten close, but -- you're always so careful, and put together, and I want to -- "

"Alright, alright," Zelos said, cutting him off as he stood, draining the last of his own drink and sending a familiar signal to the bartender, who knew to put it on Zelos' tab. "I think that's our cue to get home, Bud."

Lloyd looked a little miffed, but not even slightly deterred as he stood, too. "I'm not kidding, you know."

He knew Lloyd wasn't, that was part of the issue. But Lloyd wasn't himself right now, and if Zelos let him in too far, if he managed to ruin close to the only true friendship he'd ever really had by crossing a line --

Lloyd stumbled, just a bit, and Zelos caught his arm. "Hey, careful," he said, steering Lloyd out into the street firmly. Lloyd put his arm around Zelos' waist and Zelos felt hyperaware of those fingers curled at his side, Lloyd's body pressed warmly all along him. He steeled himself and snaked his own arm around Lloyd's shoulders to steady him.

"You wanna go home so badly?" There was a teasing note in Lloyd's voice. "Isn't like you, Zelos."

"Yeah, well," Zelos said, staggering a little under Lloyd's weight as they walked. He had the sense Lloyd was leaning into him more than he strictly needed to. "It's my fault. You warned me you don't drink much, and I let you throw back two of the strongest drinks possible one after the other. I have a feeling we should just get back to my manor, before..." Before what? Before Zelos gave in and put Lloyd's hands on him, kissed those smiling lips, melted into him in front of everyone there?

"Before what?" Lloyd echoed, his breath searing on Zelos' ear, and Zelos rolled his eyes. "I wasn't gonna do anything, you know," Lloyd continued. "Not unless you wanted it. I was just looking."

Zelos focused on one foot in front of the other -- even, careful on the cobblestone street. There was a slight sheen in places from an earlier misting of rain -- it wouldn't do to slip, and bring Lloyd tumbling down on top of him. Though that might not be the worst --

"But also," Lloyd continued, oblivious to Zelos' inner turmoil, "I…I really care about you, Zel. And it sucks that even now, you won't fully let me in…"

Zelos had absolutely played himself. What had he been thinking, urging Lloyd to drink that? Because no matter how much Lloyd thought he wanted to know Zelos, if he really saw him, there was no way he'd want to get any closer. Something sick simmered in his stomach. No, he'd leave, then. Like anyone would, and had.

"You know why I asked you to come with me on this journey?" Lloyd murmured. "Why I made you promise?"

He seemed to want an answer this time, remaining quiet. Zelos forced out a chuckle. "I -- well, because we're buds, of course -- "

"Yeah," Lloyd said quietly. "We are. But I have other friends, too."

Light raindrops began to fall, dripping onto Zelos' scalp like cool accusations, and for a time the only sounds were the increasing pitter-patter of the downpour and the footsteps of the two of them, isolated as they now were on the currently-deserted residential street. Zelos shivered as the dampness permeated his hair, soaking through his collar, and Lloyd's arm tightened around him, his lips pressing lightly to Zelos' neck in a way that almost had Zelos stopping in his tracks in the middle of the path, though he managed to continue his movements. "You cold?" Lloyd asked, and Zelos should have laughed, but couldn't.

"I'll be okay," he said instead. His voice came out quivering. He cast desperately for something else to say. "Look, there's my manor. We should get inside, we're getting wet."

Lloyd didn’t complain, and Zelos separated their bodies, though he followed Lloyd closely up the steps, one hand at his back. Lloyd didn't stumble. A moment later they were being ushered in by Sebastian, whose brow was furrowed.

"Master Zelos, Sir Bud. You two are completely soaked. You really should be more careful." Sebastian pressed towels into their hands, glancing around. "I will find you a change of clothes immediately," he said, melting away, and Lloyd turned to Zelos, his damp hair falling in his eyes. That shouldn’t have been as distracting as it was, but the way Lloyd had been acting had Zelos feeling…especially attuned. And suddenly, he was noticing everything -- the way Lloyd's jacket stuck to his chest, the droplets of water beading down the line of his neck, dripping off the tip of his nose; the flush high in his cheeks, the intensity in his eyes.

"You're still shivering," Lloyd said, reaching out and tracing his fingers down Zelos' damp hair, and Zelos tried to stop.

"Yeah, well. I'll be fine in a moment, once we get out of these clothes."

Lloyd's fingers trailed down Zelos' chest to the ties at the front of his salmon overcoat. "Lloyd," Zelos protested weakly. "I can do it myself." But Lloyd's surprisingly deft hands had already made quick work of them, despite his inebriated state, and he was pulling the jacket off Zelos' shoulders. He discarded it, his touch going to Zelos' waist, and Zelos put his own hand on Lloyd's forearm, feeling the sodden fabric of his sleeve. "Lloyd," he said again, more insistently. "Focus on yourself. You're the one with more buttons to undo."

"Hard for me to undo them, right now," Lloyd muttered. "Wanna help me out?" His fingers played with the hem of Zelos' black undershirt, tickling the skin of Zelos' lower belly, and he felt an immediate answering stir lower down. In his white pants, soaked through, there would be no hiding his response. Zelos wet his lips, immensely torn. He was undeniably turned on. But…but there was a good reason not to go any further. Lloyd likely wasn't thinking things through. Zelos had even pressured him to get drunk. Although…

Zelos stared at Lloyd, who stood there, perfectly lucid, controlled, upright. He didn't really seem that drunk. There was no way he was telling the truth about needing help to undo his clothes, with how easily he'd stripped Zelos' coat (the thought made him flush all over again). But then…that meant the only thing affecting him was the desire amplification of the Nymph's Tears. Which meant…which meant…

He wasn't sure why his brain was sitting there stuttering 'which meant' when he knew very well what it meant. That Lloyd was playing it up, because he wanted to. That Lloyd really did want Zelos, and he just usually wasn't this open about it. That the heated way Lloyd was looking at him right now was real --

Zelos' hands reached forward to Lloyd's collar, even though his fingers trembled a bit as he popped it open. He'd never undone Lloyd's clothes before, but now that he was, he realized that the buttons were very easy to open -- much more so than Zelos' cloth ties, which wrapped around fastened beads. If Lloyd could undress Zelos, he could undress himself. But Lloyd made no move to do so, just watched, his fingers still moving distractingly on Zelos' waist, as Zelos opened button after button, his hands trailing down Lloyd's torso.

"Master Zelos," came Sebastian's voice, and Zelos managed to keep himself from starting guiltily, but it was a very near thing. His butler's face was smooth and professional as always, but his eyebrows did rise slightly as he took in their position. "I…I've placed the change of clothes in your chambers, for you both. In case you, ah…need them. I will leave you to retire for the night. Unless there is anything else I can do?"

Zelos cleared his throat. "No. Thank you, Sebastian."  Even as he said it, part of him wanted to call Sebastian back -- anything to avoid facing Lloyd. Even if Lloyd did really want him, he was still affected right now, his normal desires amplified, his ability to hold them back if he wanted to probably entirely gone. Zelos was no stranger to casual sex, but this was Lloyd, and it felt anything but casual.

"Let's go," Lloyd said, shrugging off his coat the rest of the way himself. His black tank stuck to him like a second skin, hugging the contours of his chest and abdomen, and he was obviously feeling chilly, too, his nipples visible through the clothing. Which Zelos did not pay any special attention to, of course -- not that, and not the way Lloyd's suspenders were now hanging, the hem of his pants obscenely low.

Still, when Lloyd grabbed Zelos' wrist and started up the stairs -- steady, with no hint of incoordination -- Zelos helplessly followed, his heart pounding. This wasn't like him -- usually, in this kind of situation, he'd be the instigator, the seducer. But his mind was telling him he shouldn't let this happen, and it was like that impulse was a prisoner in his treacherous body, which wanted nothing more to let Lloyd do whatever he wanted to him.

In Zelos' bedroom, Lloyd tossed his jacket carelessly onto the armchair in the corner, shucking off his pants, too, and Zelos only watched, torn. When Lloyd turned back towards him, clad only in his thin black undershorts, Zelos tried very hard not to look there. "You going to stay in those wet clothes?" Lloyd asked. He smiled a little in a way that sent a shiver down Zelos' spine. "What, d'you need help?"

"No," Zelos said, but he walked towards Lloyd. "Lloyd, look. There's something I didn't tell you -- " He paused, inhaling, as Lloyd's hands went back to his waist, pressing their hips together in a delicious grind that made Zelos' head spin. "Lloyd," he gasped. "Look, that drink -- it wasn't just any alcohol. It amplifies desires, especially ones we try to keep hidden. So, right now, you -- "

Lloyd kissed him, hard, desperate, swallowing Zelos' attempted words, and Zelos groaned helplessly, pressing the length of his body against Lloyd's warmth, his hands going to Lloyd's back. He had the brief presence of mind to wonder who else Lloyd had kissed before, because he obviously wasn't new to it, but the thought only briefly scrabbled for purchase on the surface of Zelos' suddenly slick mind before it slid away, lost in the flood of arousal, of need. Zelos gave back as good as he got, licking into Lloyd's mouth, drinking in Lloyd's answering moan, letting his hands wander down to Lloyd's rear, and squeezing the firm, rounded flesh there in a way that also conveniently had Lloyd bucking his hips forward again, sending searing heat straight to Zelos' groin. And when Lloyd stepped forward, backing Zelos towards the bed, Zelos went willingly, until he was on his back on his own mattress, Lloyd on top of him.

"Lloyd," Zelos tried again, desperate to get the words out. "You're going to regret -- "

"I'm not," Lloyd said, voice low. "I don't care what the stupid drink was, Zelos. Fuck, you have no idea how long I've wanted you. The things I've wanted to do -- "

Zelos bit back another groan, just hearing those words. "That's not -- "

Lloyd descended onto him, pressing their bodies together, though he kept his weight carefully braced on his arms, his breath hot on Zelos' ear as he growled, "It's true. I didn't want to take things fast, and I didn't know if you wanted me back, but…tonight, I just can't hold back."

"But," Zelos protested, his fingers twisting into Lloyd's hair, just at the nape of his neck. He wasn't sure if he was trying to pull Lloyd away from him, or to push him closer, to urge him to use those lips for something other than talking, the way Zelos was aching for. "The reason you can't hold back is that drink -- "

"Which I chose to drink," Lloyd murmured into the skin of Zelos' neck, pressing a kiss there. He seemed to just rest there, for a moment, inhaling deeply. "Are you sure that's what's bothering you, Zel?" he whispered. "Or, what -- do you really not want this? Because…I can stop."

Fuck. He did want it, he really did. But some part of him shrank back from that tenderness, that care in Lloyd's voice, from the way his own chest hurt hearing it. Couldn't Lloyd just go back to kissing him, so Zelos didn't have to think? "I just," Zelos managed, swallowing, "I don't want to mess things up between us -- "

Lloyd ran a hand up his side, soothing, coming to rest at his jaw, as he sat back up a bit, straddling Zelos. "You won't," he said, and he sounded so confident that Zelos was almost convinced. "Nothing could change how I feel about you right now, you idiot. I know you're not perfect. I know you're a lying, selfish bastard. I care about you anyway. So stop pushing me away."

It felt horribly exposing, like Lloyd was peeling away the layers of Zelos' self. Zelos tried to turn his head, to glance away, and Lloyd's hand kept him in place, gentle but firm, his brown eyes searching Zelos' face. "Idiot," Lloyd said again, but softly, so tenderly that he may as well have confessed his love. Then he was kissing Zelos again.

Zelos realized, as he gave himself over entirely to sensation, that he had lost.

And he couldn't even bring himself to be upset about it.