Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Virgil slowly cracked open his eyes to look up at the ceiling. Shortly after filming another video for the channel, he had retreated back to his room, crashing into a nap that lasted into the late hours of the evening. Still groggy, he started to become aware of his surroundings.

He could hear muffled chatter coming from the commons as the television played lightly. There was the faint clanking of metal and the clicking of the stovetop, meaning it was probably almost dinnertime and Patton was effortlessly working in the kitchen. There was the all too familiar humming coming from the fatherly cook in the kitchen, this time to the tune of a Beatles song.

Virgil sat up slightly and noticed his door cracked open a tad, the warm lighting of the hallway shining through. He slowly pushed himself out of bed and shuffled his way to the door, pushing it open a bit further and picking up the note left by the door.

“Hey kiddo! We’re having spaghetti and meatballs if you wanna come join us for dinner :)”

Virgil let out a breath in relief. Pasta he could do. He grabbed his hoodie off the carpet floor and stepped out of his room, one dark, mismatched sock at a time. He strode down the hallway and entered the living room, taking in the scene in front of him.

Roman was lounging across the sofa, singing along to Frozen on the TV whilst Logan was sitting cross legged in his chair quietly reading his novel. Patton was still in the kitchen, pulling out a tray of garlic bread from the oven. Remus was nowhere to be found, but Janus was finishing setting the table, intricately folding the napkins into little origami animals. Virgil had always wondered how he did that with bright yellow dish-washing gloves on his hands. Roman noticed the emo from the corner of his eye, turning away from the Disney movie to look at him.

“Well, well, well, looks like sleeping beauty has finally awakened from his slumber!”

Virgil blushed at the sudden attention as Patton turned around, hearing the Prince’s remark.

“Oh perfect!” He beamed, “I was just about to check if you were awake. You’re just in time, supper’s ready!”

At that moment, everyone started to make their way to the table, except for Janus who quickly slipped out of the room to fetch Remus. Virgil started towards the kitchen, to get himself a helping of pasta straight from the pot, but frowned when he noticed the pot was empty.

He looked to Patton, “I thought you said you were making pasta?”

“I did! I already got it all served up for ya!”

Virgil looked to the table to see all of the food already sitting out on 6 different plates, apart from the garlic bread Patton was just now dumping into a basket in the center of the table.

Oh.

The spaghetti was already in a bowl with chunky sauce and meatballs on top. Virgil tensed, Patton usually didn’t make people’s plates for them. He was hoping to eat some plain pasta with some butter, and just the sight of that meaty red sauce made Virgil want to gag. But at this point, he was already in the dining room, people were sitting down, and a door opened to reveal Janus dragging a slightly bloodied Remus to join them.

Well shit, I can’t leave now. I guess I can at least try sitting with them for a bit. At least there’s garlic bread.

He hesitantly sat down with the others as they began to eat.

Remus was grinning, “Oooh nice, spaghetti. I always love an opportunity to get a lil’ messy~”

“You already look like you’re covered in sauce Remus.” Janus deadpanned.

“What can I say, I’m a saucy boy Janny-” he replied with a wink and a wiggle of the shoulders, then grabbing a fistful of the food and shoving it in his mouth.

“Remus,” Patton scolded, “remember what we said about manners at the dinner table. Why don’t you try using utensils?”

“Ughhhh. FINE.” Remus rolled his eyes, then pulled out a straw from his pocket and proceeded to slurp his food.

Patton seemed confused but sighed, happy he was at least making less of a mess, that was until he wiped his marinara stained hand on Logan’s shirt, earning him a look of distaste and annoyance from the logical side. Roman soon began detailing the epics of his latest adventure in the imagination as the others listened intently.

Everything was normal, but Virgil was full of anxiety.

(Well, right now more than usual.)

He was nibbling at a piece of garlic bread, but the smell of the sauce on his plate just below his nose made him nauseous. He finished the piece but with the pasta right there, so close to him, he couldn’t bring himself to eat more than one. After a few more minutes of sitting in silence, staring at his plate, he finally picked it up and went over to the sink.

“Hey guys I think I’m gonna head back to my room now,” he said as he attempted to inconspicuously dump his uneaten food into the trash before bringing his disk to the sink. Patton gave him a concerned look.

“Are you sure kiddo? You didn’t really eat much-”

Crap he noticed.

“No it’s fine Pat. I’m just… not feeling that hungry.”

Well it wasn’t a total lie.

These past few months, Patton had started preparing almost every meal in the mindscape and hosting “FamILY Dinners” as a way to encourage bonding between everyone, now that Remus and Janus have been getting accepted. Because of this sudden change, Virgil could really only eat what he wanted in between those times, but he’d usually be too tired to care- it’s easier to just skip the meal entirely. Even if he did eat something, it’d be suspicious to get too much more than a snack. But that doesn’t even matter, because Virgil just didn’t get that hungry anymore. The nights he was actually able to eat a full meal, he’d be so full he’d walk away from the table with a stomach ache. 

Eating was always too much trouble than it was worth. He never intentionally restricted food, but eating wasn’t high on his priority list, and it never really was. In the past he’d be able to get away with strolling to the pantry and grabbing comfort foods throughout the day, never really constraining himself to a schedule. Even then it'd usually be small starchy foods, never something of substance. And it’s not like he did much around here anyways, he was a self described loner, so he didn’t need the energy or fuel of food and eating. Virgil couldn’t remember a single time in his life that he ate three square meals a day… and that’s fine! That’s how it’s always been. That’s how it always would be. It’s not a problem, and it wasn’t a cause for concern.

So, he just smiled at Patton, trying to ease his concern, and proceeded to rinse off his plate. Patton’s eyebrows remained furrowed.

“Alright then, but if you get hungry later I’m putting leftovers in the fridge, okay?”

Virgil gave a nod, then silently walked back to his room.

There was a pit in his stomach from hunger, but it was small. He hadn’t eaten anything else today, except the garlic bread, but he could still smell the red sauce, and that nausea overpowered any ounce of hunger he felt. He’d throw up if he attempted to eat anything with that sensation still in his brain and all in his nose and his mouth. So he just laid back down on his bed, waiting until he was able to drift off into sleep again.

Chapter Text

Patton stood in the kitchen, watching Virgil stalk back to his bedroom. His lips remained pursed in worry. Logan walked out of the dining room to join Patton in cleaning up dinner, but paused in the walkway upon seeing the usually happy-go-lucky side looking not so happy.

“Patton?”

Patton’s eyes snapped back into focus and looked towards the person who called his name.

“Are you alright? You seem rather pensive.”

Patton shifted slightly at Logan’s words.

“Yeah, I guess,” he started, “I was just thinking about Virgil. Maybe I’m just overthinking, but I worry about him,”

Logan raised an eyebrow, “Oh? In what sense?”

“It just seems like he doesn’t eat very much. As we’ve been eating together more often, I’ve noticed that he is often nervous around mealtimes. Why do you think that is?”

“Well, given his primary function, it is likely caused by feelings of anxiety. Maybe he is experiencing issues socializing with others, and these situations trigger some of that anxiety. Although this is just a hypothetical reasoning, we can’t really know for sure without asking Virgil himself,”

Patton hummed in reply. He looked over the sink and into the dining room where the others were finishing their meal.

“Janus, Remus,” he called out, the two looking up to meet his gaze. “I was wondering, back when Virgil lived with the two of you, how did he act during meals?”

Janus paused, not sure how to reply. “I don’t believe we ever formally ate together. Maybe we were around each other when someone decided to get food, but we didn’t really do anything like cooking together or sitting around a table. But that was probably for the best- Remus tends not to prefer some rather unconventional ‘foods’.”

Remus huffed, “See but I thought you would’ve liked rats! How was I supposed to know that Snakey Boy didn’t actually eat rodents? I was just trying to be considerate-” he cut himself off by aggressively slurping up the last noodle off his plate, then picking it up to lick away the excess sauce.

Janus gave a dismissive look. “I guess we just did pay attention, we definitely had thought about it.”

Patton simply sighed at the deceitful side’s words and looked back down towards the dishes in the sink, thinking back to the image of the anxious man that he loved like a son. 

“I just hope he’s eating enough. I mean he’s so skinny, well he’s always been, but I worry about the kiddo. I hope nothing’s wrong,”

The others stayed quiet, not sure of how to ease his concern. 

“He’ll be okay Padre,” Roman spoke up as he moved away from his seat. “As much as you may think otherwise, Virgil’s a pretty strong guy. Don’t get yourself too worked up, alright? If something’s actually wrong, he knows that you’ll be there to support him,”  He stood in front of Patton, giving him a smile, “We all are.”

Patton relaxed a bit, “Okay, okay. Thanks kiddo.”

“Why don’t you head to bed early Patton? We can take care of the clean up, it may be beneficial to get some rest if you are feeling stressed,” Logan offered.

Patton nodded, “Yeah you’re probably right. I’m just gonna go and check on Virgil before I tuck in.”

Patton walked out of the kitchen, through the dining room and out into the hallway of 6 doors where each side had their own room. The array of differently styled doors warmed Patton’s heart, his family had grown so much in such a short amount of time. He thought back to how things used to be, when there were only 3 doors in that hall, and he still had many fond memories of his time spent primarily with Logan and Roman. It was simple, calm, nice… but if he was being honest with himself, he had always felt like something was missing back then. Now he knows what that was- who that was. He approached a dark colored door, it could be mistaken for black in the darkness, but with the lights on, you could see a slight purple hue. Patton chuckled a bit as he looked at the “Keep Out” sign pasted on his door, its design was so overly angsty that it was cheesy. He made a quick friendly repetitive knock on the door, similar to the one in “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?” A moment passed before Virgil appeared, opening the door halfway. His hair was a bit messy and disheveled, and he brought a hoodie-covered hand up to his face to rub his eye in his tired state. It was kind of adorable. 

I love my dark, strange son.

Before he could say anything, Patton frowned as he continued to take in what he was seeing in front of him. He noticed Virgil leaning ever so slightly on the doorframe, keeping himself steady. He was pale, and his eyes were a bit unfocused at first before they looked up to meet Patton’s. He looked… weak.

“What’s up?”

Patton was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of Virgil’s words. 

“Oh! Nothing much, I just wanted to say goodnight is all,”

Virgil hummed in acknowledgement before starting to shut the door again, but before it could close, Patton spoke up again.

“Is everything alright, kiddo?”

Virgil paused, “Huh?”

“Well I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed a bit anxious, just in general,”

“Well duh,”

“I mean… more than usual.” Patton took a breath, “I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking it, but I can’t help but feel like maybe I did something wrong? To make you stressed or something-“

Virgil cut him off. “No, no,” he sighed, “it’s just me Pat. You’re fine. Just, don’t worry about it,”

“Well, fathers always worry, y’know?” Patton chuckled dryly.

Virgil simply nodded in response, then fully shut the door, leaving the other side standing outside his room.

Patton rested his head on the door in sadness and frustration.

Why won’t he ever tell me when something is wrong? Why won’t he ask for help?

His heart ached, he could feel slight tears begin to well up in his eyes. He blinked them away as he looked up, his hand lingering on the doorframe. He took a calming breath, thinking back to Roman’s words of advice.

All I can do is be there to support him if he needs it.

Patton just hoped that Virgil would actually be able to ask for that support when he does.

•••

Virgil shut the door and flipped back on his bed, letting his mind wander. He was used to Patton’s extroverted nature, but it’s really amped up recently. The family activities, chats, dinners, it was a bit overwhelming for a hermit like Virgil. Patton has even been paying special attention to Virgil as of recently so that’s great. 

His stomach made a faint grumbling sound.

Eating is hard, but this new schedule that Pat made has driven Virgil further and further away. He knows it comes from a place of genuine love and care. Patton just wants to bring a sense of normalcy into the mindscape. Normal is good. But Virgil isn’t normal—in more ways than one, but specifically in the food department—and that fact has slowly pushed Virgil away from eating altogether. Patton’s good-hearted ways that have subsequently increased expectation of social interaction have not been helping his overall anxiety levels. But whatever, it’s fine.

Just keep pushing through Virge. 

Sigh…

Hopefully Pat will start to lay off the social activities sometime soon.

Chapter Text

Much to Virgil’s dismay, Patton did not, in fact, lay off the social activities. 

Pat had announced that today would be yet another family game night: attendance mandatory. So no more sulking emos hiding in their room like a hermit instead of engaging in social interaction. And as always, the moral side had the best of intentions that consequently stressed out Virgil. 

It seemed as though Virgil was getting less and less time to himself. More often than not he was begrudgingly forced to join the others in a nightly activity, and today was no different. It’s not like Virgil didn’t enjoy time with the others! It really did serve as a bonding experience, and Virgil couldn’t help but feel more connected to and loved by the others. But, to be frank, Virgil was starting to feel a bit burnt out, and with Patton’s insistence and hard to resist puppy eyes, it was hard to say no when he truly needed a little time to himself. 

Just another way that my anxiety of letting down other people overrides any instinct of self preservation I have left. Gotta love it.

So despite his better judgment, when Patton looked at him with shining eyes and a: “Do you think you’ll be able to come?” He found himself saying: “Yeah, okay.”

Apart from the anxiety welling in his chest sparked by the pure anticipation of social interactions to come, the day wasn't going very well. (Especially in the food department, but hey, what else is new.) For breakfast Patton had served omelettes. Yuck. Then at lunch, everybody was having Turkey wraps. Double yuck. Virgil felt his stomach cramp a bit, but it was easy to ignore for the time being. He was used to ignoring his stomach, so at this point his hunger cues were pretty fucked up. He was kinda hungry, but nothing in the pantry seemed good, so he’d settle for a little bit of stomach pain. It was barely noticeable in the first place, and honestly, he was too tired to worry about food. Well, Virgil always felt tired, but he’d always been prone to a bit of chronic fatigue. 

Patton had said that after games they’d be having pizza, and that actually didn’t sound half bad. He could hold off until then. So he settled to sit on the sofa and scroll on his phone diving into conspiracy theories and internet hoaxes. 

He didn’t know how long he had spent with his eyes transfixed on his phone and legs sprawled out weirdly (because sitting normally was for straight people.) He was halfway through a commentary video analyzing the Momo scandal from 2018 when he felt a tap on his knee, prompting him to remove his noise cancelling headphones. 

Roman, wearing a Hamilton tee paired with golden embroidered maroon sweatpants, had his index finger still pointing on Virgil’s knee. He sucked in his teeth before he said “Oooh hate to say it Tall Dark and Lonesome but you’re kinda in my spot,” giving him a sarcastic smirk.

Virgil only raised his eyebrows casually, “oh? I am? I thought that the Prince would want to sit in a personal throne,”

Roman only pushed Virgil’s legs off the sofa before he sat down, “Eh, not today. Padre said that- well at least today- families stick together… quite literally. So we’re all sitting together around the coffee table for games.” 

Virgil looked around the room for a second and did indeed see 3 extra chairs moved close to the couch. 

“Guess there’s no room for personal space on game night,” Virgil muttered as he glanced at the sides puttering about the area. 

He could see Patton out of the corner of his eye in his cat hoodie, shuffling behind the door of a closet, presumably searching for some games to play. Remus had somehow scaled the wall behind him. Virgil had assumed this was for no reason, a typical Remus mannerism, but he quickly snatched Uno from the top shelf before falling to the floor with no attempt at grace, then handing the deck to Patton. Meanwhile, Janus was in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of wine (he was not beating the wine aunt allegations) but not before offering some to Logan, who seemed to decline before opting to go to the fridge to grab a bottle of water, then heading into the living room to sit with Roman and Virgil. 

“Ah, hello Virgil. Glad to see you’re joining us,”

Virgil grimaced, “yeah well I’ve been here all day and I don’t have the energy to argue or get out of my seat,”

Logan simply nodded, and took the chair next to Virgil’s spot on the edge of the sofa. 

“Alrighty everybody, who’s ready to get this fun train a-movin’???” Patton asked excitedly, walking towards the other three, promptly followed by Janus and Remus. He set down the pile of games he was holding onto the coffee table before sliding next to Roman on the couch. Being met with not much of an answer to his question, he continued, “well I sure am, I’ve been TRAIN-ing for this moment my whole life!” To which he got a few ample groans.

Remus giggled from his spot on the floor (having rejected the extra chair,) wiggling his socked feet, “WELL I’ve been hit with MANY trains in my life so I totally get that,”

“Dukey, I do think he meant that literally,” Janus said to him, crossing his legs and sitting in the chair next to Patton.

“Yes I do not think there is a literal ‘fun train’ that is going to pull into the mindscape, merely a figure of speech I presume, and not reason to get hit with a locomotive vehicle-”

Logan was cut off, per usual, by Remus moving his hand like a talking puppet, “Yap yap yap. Nobody asked the nerdy prude that must die,”

“Okay!” Patton exclaimed, trying to corral the bunch. “Let’s just play some games,”

Despite his introverted nature, Virgil was moderately enjoying the night with the others so far. It was still draining obviously, but it was nice, and the good feelings in the moment could make him forget the inevitable exhaustion he’d feel afterwards. It was high energy, but fun, even just watching how the other sides interacted was a show in itself for Virgil. For one, Logan almost went ballistic when he lost Monopoly to Janus, rebutting that his own methodology was the most logical, perfected to that of the most successful business person. “Janus’ lack of investments were in poor taste and his riches were a result of pure luck of the roll!” Patton then had to remind him, “Logi, it’s just a game…” as Janus flicked his snake tongue at the overly salty side. Uno was also pretty eventful, Roman almost won and was gloating as he anticipated his win, even taking the time to sing a Disney song. Then Remus backstabbed him with a draw 4 and stole the crown (the un-princely voice crack that Roman made at that was absolutely priceless.)

Now they were playing charades, Patton standing in front of the group grabbing a slip of paper from a bowl, reading it, and beginning to act it out. He chuckled before simply looking at the others, pulling his cat eared hood onto his head, and gesturing at himself with a shrug of the shoulders. 

“Uhh cat?” Virgil said in the silence. 

Patton beamed, “Yup! You got it kiddo! Looks like you’re up next!” He sat back down as Logan spoke up.

“A cat? But you didn’t act out anything, he simply pointed out the fact that he was wearing a cat themed garment, does that count?”

“Eh probably,” Virgil said, sitting up in his seat, leaning forward to pick a paper from the bowl, reading it to himself.

Okay, ‘Baking a cake :)’, looks like Pat wrote that one. Alright, how do I do this again?

Virgil picked up a non-existent bowl from the air and began to move his hand in a stirring motion.

“Rubbing an item?”

“Cranking?”

“Crank that Soulja Boy!!”

“What no-”

“Whisking? Or stirring? Stirring!”

Virgil picked up his ‘bowl’ and pretended to pour it into a pan. Patton seemed to be recognizing his movements as he said “oh baking?” To which Virgil nodded but continued, needing him to get the full phrase. 

What else can I do? Oh yeah the oven, duh.

He stood up from his seat, bending over slightly to put it in an imaginary oven.

“Taking it up the a-”

“Remus no, obviously not.”

But before he could do much else, Virgil froze, blinking, blood suddenly rushing to his head. 

He suddenly felt a bit faint as his vision wavered, going fuzzy and turning his sight into static, feeling his eyes glaze over.

Everything sounded far away as a slight, gradual buzzing started to fill his ears. He stumbled in his stance, not falling but somehow tripping over his own feet as he stood still. Virgil felt himself start to panic, but as quickly as it came, it went. 

Half a minute later, the fuzziness began to fade away as colored shapes came back into his line of vision. The ringing quieted and he was now able to make out the sound of someone’s voice and the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. 

“Virgil?”

Chapter Text

Virgil blinked again rapidly trying to regain all sense of who he was, then looking towards the voice that called his name. He was now able to make out the face of Roman, whose soft gaze seemed uncharacteristic to his usual eccentric demeanor.

“Virge,” he repeated, snapping Virgil back to reality, “are you alright?”

Virgil looked around, everyone was staring at him, faces showing their concern. Virgil looked back to Roman and then backed away from his touch, sitting back down in his seat, “yeah I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Are you sure bud?” Patton spoke up, cocking his head slightly. “You spaced out there for a bit,”

Virgil looked up, meeting Patton’s gaze. His shocking blue eyes were squinted with worry behind the thin frame of his glasses. It was a face that was hard to lie to in more ways than one, but Virgil had learned to do so nonetheless. 

“It’s okay Pat,” he managed to force out, maintaining eye contact, feigning confidence to satisfy the expectation the others held, wanting him to be okay. His acting skills were none of a dedicated theatre enthusiast like Roman, but being part of Thomas he had become a pro at hiding his emotions with a believable facade. This could be seen firsthand as Virgil spoke his reassurance and everybody seemed to visibly relax, even if just a bit.

Janus coughed, holding up the sand timer that had been slowly trickling down as Virgil was miming his way through charades. “The timer didn’t run out,”

“I was baking a cake..” Virgil quietly said, rubbing the nape of his neck, hearing hums and ‘oh’s of recognition. And just like that the group went right back to the game, but Virgil’s mind stayed far away from the action. If the others noticed his silence, they didn’t say anything, but Virgil’s thoughts were far from silent.

.

.

.

What the hell was that?

I wasn’t supposed to worry them. God why did that have to happen?

You’re such a failure.

Worthless.

Stupid.

How selfish of you, making your friends all concerned. And for what? Some stupid little dizzy spell? Now you’ve ruined the whole day. Good job Virgil.

Sure, they’re acting like everything is fine, but you know the truth, don’t you? You killed the mood and now everyone is gonna be on edge for the rest of the night. You’ve fucked it up, like you always do. God you’re so stupid Virgil, you should’ve known not to stand up too quickly. Stupid stupid STUPID.

Virgil’s mind was clouded, racing anxiously, thoughts moving too fast to control. His leg was always bouncing, but its current speed wasn’t his normal metronome-like tempo, it was jittery and rapid as if driven by a motor. Everything felt tense and every shake of his body attempted to release the tension to no avail. 

He couldn’t tell how much time passed, but after a while, almost absent mindedly, he started to feel his shaky hand slowly snake up his arm and under the sleeve of his hoodie. Virgil gently rubbed his forearm back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and WHY ISN’T THIS HELPING

He stopped the motion and tightly gripped onto his arm, squeezing, trying to relieve the tension.

TIGHTER.

He pressed further against his skin, letting his rough nails dig into his flesh.

WHY am I even anxious??

No one is paying attention to me right now, no one is judging me, everyone MOVED ON. 

So it should be FINE.

I should be FINE.

Then WHY the HELL am I breathing so fast-??

He dug his nails further into his arm, pain rising to the surface. He instinctively stopped his hand from pressing further and sharply inhaled, but as the pain came, it felt like it flowed, soft and soothing. And for a moment, he was able to breathe. 

Then all of his anxiety rushed back only a few seconds later, like a wave rebounding, pushing him underwater yet again. So he dug his nails back into his arm, feeling the pain, pressing further and further. 

STUPID.

STUPID!!!!!!

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU??? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

GOOD FOR NOTHING FUCK UP.

All you do is hurt others, you deserve this shit and you know it. This isn’t even that bad you fucking baby.

He released his arm and was awarded a few more seconds of clarity.

No NO

AGAIN

Virgil’s arm felt raw, so he put his fist up to his mouth, biting his knuckles in frustration. He could feel tears beginning to well in his eyes.

Why am I panicking?

WHY AM I PANICKING??

CALM DOWN

CALM DOWN

CALM DOWN

He bit further and further until the stinging intensified to the point where his reflexes kicked in, relaxing his jaw and releasing his hand. The wave of pain washed over him yet again as he took a deep breath. And finally,

Finally-

no more thoughts.

Calm, Virgil.

Clarity.

His mind still felt fuzzy and jumbled, but now, as all his tension was released, it was quieter. Virgil rolled up his sleeve a bit, he had scratched his skin to a vivid pinkish red and there were obvious semicircle marks and a few scratches that slightly tore the skin.

He pulled his sleeve back down and then inspected the back of his hand to view deep indents that were red and ever so slightly purple. It still had a sharp throbbing sting, but it was grounding. 

This one will probably leave a mark, huh? How long will that be there? A few days maybe?

He smiled a bit at the thought. He took a breath in, and out.

Why was I freaking out, again?

At this point, Virgil had almost forgotten entirely. A beeping sound dragged him back to reality. He was in the living room, sitting on the side of the sofa, and everyone was still playing charades.

“Oh that must be the oven! PIZZA TIME EVERYBODY!!” Patton was wearing his trademark smile as he got up to get the food out of the oven. Everyone was chattering like normal. It seemed like no one had noticed Virgil’s mini panic attack.

Good.

Virgil slightly tugged his hoodie sleeve to cover the fresh bite mark on his hand, and then followed the rest of the sides into the kitchen to grab their slices. As he reached to grab some of the plain cheese pizza, Virgil felt someone brush his (uninjured) hand. But instead of reaching past him for the pizza, the hand hesitated against Virgil’s skin. Virgil didn’t notice the lingering presence and simply grabbed his food and walked away, but Roman stood there a moment, contemplating the shockingly icicle cold touch of the anxious side, not knowing what to think.

The sides all made their way back to the living room with their food and turned on a movie, Virgil letting it distract him from the burden of having to think. He listened to the comments and quips the others made at the film, laughing every so often and occasionally even replying to what the others would say. He nibbled at the pizza, relishing in the satisfaction of eating for the first time today. He finished a slice, then a second, but by the time he eyed the third on his plate he noticed an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He felt completely full.

Weird.

Maybe he needed to eat that third piece anyways. That’s what Patton would tell him if he knew that Virgil had skipped both breakfast and lunch. But he felt satisfied already. He looked at the food and gagged a bit at the thought of eating any more. If he didn’t want it, then why should he force himself to eat it? His body was telling him he had enough. He was always told to ‘listen to what your body tells you’ and right now it is screaming “NOT HUNGRY!!!” 

My body knows what’s best for me, and if eating makes it uncomfortable, I’m not gonna go against what it tells me. Listening to hunger cues is healthy! Yeah. Yeah... I’ve had enough

Virgil ran a hand through his hair, pushing back his purple bangs, and decided to set his plate down on the coffee table, one piece of pizza still left on it. He headed into the kitchen to grab a can of Monster, and then retreated back to his spot on the couch, sipping his drink every so often and staring off into the general direction of the TV, trying to appear normal.

The other sides continued to chat and watch the film, but a certain prince couldn’t help but feel that something wasn’t right, glancing every so often at the emo who seemed to be watching the movie. 

Roman shifted his gaze down to Virgil’s plate, looking at his uneaten pizza, and sighed.

Chapter Text

Hey y’all! It’s almost been an entire month since my last chapter, and the summer is coming to an end so that means I’ll probably have less time to work on this fic :/

Despite that, I really want to continue working on it and hope I can find some free time to write. I’m a new writer so it’s been taking a lot of time, but at this point I have the entire fic planned out chapter by chapter so at least that part’s out of the way!

Also, I recently got diagnosed with autism and tbh I think that explains a lot- especially with panic attacks that may have been melt downs and self destructive tendencies that could have been stims influenced by intrusive thoughts or smth, kinda like what I’ve written in the last chapter… but IDK I’m not gonna pretend like I understand, I mean I’m ALWAYS confused lol

Yeah so if u think Virgil seems autistic in this fic that’s why ig lmaoooo

I hope to update this again soon with an actual chapter! Worst case scenario if I can’t finish this fic I will probably post the outline of the plot for the rest of the story, so there’s at least some sense of closure if you’ve been keeping up with this fic. But again, I really want to give this a proper ending, so even tho I’m not even halfway done, I’ll keep adding chapters at the speed of an immortal snail if that’s what it takes. Am I rambling? Possibly. Am I talking to a wall right now? Maybe. But even if no one cares I’m posting this update  bc this is a passion project and I care so yeah. (It’s ironic bc I lack the motivation to continue but I also don’t wanna give up on my first and probably last full fanfic.)

Okay I’m gonna stop typing bc I have nothing of substance left to say byeeeeee 🫶