Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“We’re over, Leo,” Sho declared, his eyes like hard gems as he stood outside the Vagastrom gates.

Shock and fury boiled in Leo’s chest, and he smirked. “So you’re abandoning me for that washed out actor? What a shitty friend you are.”

“You’re the shitty friend, and I’ve had it. I deserve much better, you narcissistic sociopath!” Sho shot him a scornful look, then took off on his motorcycle.

Hmph. Sho was going to regret what he did.

—

“Alan!” Leo whined as he clung to his Captain's arm. “Sho was such a horrible jerk. He left me. He’s such a selfish, useless wasp.” Tears ran down the influencer’s cheeks, fake tears because Sho didn’t deserve real ones.

Alan Mido, ever the gentleman, patted Leo’s head and sighed. “I’m sorry, Leo. I can see why he was fed up, though.”

Leo stiffened and pushed away from the taller man, his lips pressed together in a scowl. “What the fuck? Whose side are you on? Surely you don’t condone his atrocious behavior?”

The Vagastrom captain grimaced. He scratched the back of his head like he always did when he was uncomfortable. “It sucks that he ditched you, and again, I’m really sorry about that. It sounds like he was tired of some things. What did he complain to you about specifically?”

Leo thumped back against the couch, frowning. “He called me a narcissistic sociopath.” He snorted. “You might think he was trying to sound smart, using those big words.”

Alan sighed again, and wiped a palm over his face. “Look, I have faith in you, but your actions aren’t coming off the way you intended, you get what I’m saying?”

“No.” Leo glared at him. “What has your therapist been teaching you? You don't sound like Alan anymore.”

A few months ago, Alan started going to therapy, thanks to the recommendation of that stupid honor student. The Vagastrom captain wanted to work through his trauma. As an ex-convict, he still had trouble letting go of his guilt and shame. Plus, Alan claimed that therapy helped him with his social skills too, since he always had challenges in verbal communication.

Leo mocked him at first. “Why do you need some shrink to tell you what to do?”

But Alan, stoic as always, had replied, “Actually, my therapist doesn't tell me what to do.”

Astonished, Leo asked with a sneer, “Then why waste money on them if they won't even give you advice?”

Alan snorted and shook his head. “Leo, you're really misunderstanding things. First of all, Darkwick’s student insurance covers the sessions. Second of all, she doesn’t tell me what to do, no, but she helps me think through things, so that I can understand myself better and figure out solutions on my own. Sometimes she gives me suggestions, but she never pushes if I decide not to take them. She’s not offended if I disagree with anything she says, either.”

“Sounds like a doormat,” Leo drawled.

Alan rolled his eyes. He crossed his legs on their graffitied Vagastrom couch. “No, if you met her, you would know that she’s quite the opposite of a doormat. You don’t have to be aggressive to be strong, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” Leo argued. He narrowed his eyes with a smirk.

Alan stared him down, his eyes steely. Leo felt a fit of impatience and frustration, so he turned on his heel and walked out the door to find Sho.

A few months later, Sho had kicked Leo to the curb. Leo frothed at the mouth thinking about it. Friends were useless, after all.

“Leo?” Alan waved a hand in front of his eyes.

Leo snapped, “Cut that out or I’ll spit bubble gum on your face.”

A look of amusement crossed the himbo’s face. He folded his arms over his chest. “All right, sorry. My therapist just taught me some communication skills. As I was saying, your words and actions can come off the wrong way to the other person. So it’s good to be aware of what message you’re sending out, even if you have the best of intentions.”

Leo glared at Alan’s handsome face, then looked away. “Sho is such a loser. Who needs him anyway?”

Alan sighed deeply once again. But he said something unexpected. “Hey, why don’t you see a therapist too?”

Leo’s eyes widened with disbelief. “What the fuck? I don't need help, let alone from a therapist.”

“Well, your best friend just dumped you, and you’re clearly not coping well. What’s wrong with talking to someone about it? There’s only so much I can do to help you,” Alan began.

But Leo shook his head. “Nah, Sho was a deadweight anyway. I don’t need him or anyone else.”

To his annoyance, Alan didn’t back down. “You’re doing that again.”

“Doing what again?” Leo demanded.

“When you get upset or scared, you insult the person and crush them like they’re worthless,” Alan said bluntly.

“I don’t!” Leo protested. “I’m not scared, though of course I’m upset. Sho was my bestie and I trusted him with my life. How could anyone not react with anger after he betrayed me?”

“You definitely have the right to be angry,” Alan conceded. “But you didn’t have to smash him to a pulp like that.”

Leo sneered. “As if you wouldn't smash someone to a pulp—literally!”

The Vagastrom captain pursed his lips. “No, no, I’m not interested in impulsive violence anymore. I’m a new man. That’s why I’m giving you this advice. So you don’t have to go through the same pain that I did.”

“How kind of you,” Leo bit out.

The two were silent for a while, and Leo said with a pout, “This is so awkward.”

Alan sputtered out a laugh, “Sure is.”

The Vagastrom captain and vice captain talked about other matters after that, but Alan’s suggestion lingered in Leo’s mind.

***

Sho eventually returned from his lunch date with Subaru. Yet, when Sho saw Leo, he simply furrowed his brows and walked away.

“Hey,” Leo advanced on his former best friend, and grabbed his shoulder. “Just because we’re not friends anymore, doesn't mean you can ignore me. I’m still your Vice Cap.”

Sho gave him a sardonic smile, and pushed off Leo’s hand. “I don’t owe anyone my attention, least of all you. I’ll just report to Mido instead.”

Right on cue, Alan Mido strode in from the garage. He glanced at Leo and Sho and frowned. Sho sauntered up to him with a cheerful face, and told him about some of Darkwick’s goings-on.

Gee, being ignored by Sho felt even worse than being ignored by Alan in the past, back when Alan still saw Leo as a good-for-nothing.

After a few more exchanges with Alan, Sho left to go to his room. Leo boiled with frustration inside. Sho must still be salty that Leo got the Vice Captain position instead of him. But Leo was the one who carried their mission with the live streamer. Sho just helped on the side. Of course Darkwick would choose him over Sho. Why was his former bestie such a sore loser?

Maybe it was a good idea to stop associating with Sho anyway.

As these thoughts ran through Leo’s head, Alan came to stand in front of him. His mouth was tight. “Leo, you okay?”

Leo’s eyes felt hot, but he just lifted his chin and said, “I’m fine. If Sho is so determined to ignore even his Vice Cap, I shouldn't waste time on him, either.”

Alan’s lips quirked up a bit. “What? You don’t want to discipline him for his lack of manners?”

Leo laughed. “No, Sho is so stubborn. He’ll never learn. I’d rather put my energy into more constructive things, like studying.”

“You enjoy studying?” Alan asked with incredulity.

Leo laughed at his Captain's naivety, but he replied anyway, “You could say so.” The influencer put his headphones on. “I’m going to record another video for my YouTube channel. Unlike Mr Shohei, I don’t stop hustling to make my ends meet.”

The Vagastrom captain smirked. “Not to burst your bubble, but Sho has been working hard at his food truck too.”

Leo groaned and gave him a dismissive wave. The one good thing Leo could think of now, was that Alan used to believe that Leo half-assed everything. But as time went on, Alan realized that Leo only feigned nonchalance. He was actually one of the hardest workers out there. Nobody became a top social media influencer and expert hacker by the age of eighteen, without a crazy amount of effort and persistence.

It was then that Alan softened towards Leo. Leo wasn’t the nicest guy on the planet, but if there was one thing Alan respected, it was tenacity and perseverance in one’s work.

Alan began to give Leo the benefit of the doubt; he definitely appreciated and sometimes even praised Leo. At first, the influencer denied that his captain’s approval made him happy. But it was no use denying such a strong feeling. Plus, Alan was a really hot himbo. Who wouldn’t want this guy’s attention and praise?

Well, Sho said he didn’t. But Sho was clearly infatuated with the Hotarubi captain, Subaru. Subaru was cute, Leo admitted, but he was too soft and gentle for Leo’s taste. Alan, on the other hand, was all hard edges and angles. Not that Leo ever fantasized about his captain, no.

Alan Mido gave him a serious look. “Hey Leo. I know it hurts. It's okay to be sad. Right or wrong, no one likes losing a friend.”

“I won’t be sad for his sake,” Leo said stubbornly.

Alan sighed. “All right.” He paused. “Do you want a hug?”

“Do you just want an excuse to touch me?” Leo joked. But his joke sounded feeble, even to him.

Alan winced. “No. Fine, I’ll leave.”

“Hey wait!” Leo stepped to block his path. “Who said I didn’t want a hug?”

The handsome Vagastrom captain chuckled and wrapped his arms around Leo. Leo laid his head on the other man’s shoulders, closing his eyes and drinking in Alan’s comforting scent.

As he rested in that comfortable position, an idea suddenly popped into Leo’s head. He murmured, “I’ll go to therapy.”

“Oh?”

Leo grinned. “On one condition. If I sign up for therapy, you have to date me.”

Alan’s body stilled, then he pulled out of their embrace with a bewildered expression. “That’s not funny.”

The influencer snorted, missing the other man’s warmth already. “I wasn’t joking.” Leo made a mournful face. “But if you think I’m so repulsive, you can just say so….”

The Captain's jaw dropped. With a flustered expression, he said, “No, you’re very far from repulsive. But therapy is for your own benefit. It’s not a wager.”

Leo folded his arms with a frown. “Damn. You don't need to make excuses to let me down gently, you know? I can take no for an answer.” Something tightened in him as he said this.

Alan wrung his hands. “That’s not what I meant, damn it! I—you are an attractive guy, Leo, and I am flattered. But if you go to therapy, I hope you’re doing it out of serious intention, not just because you want some side benefit. It’s not a game.”

Leo felt like growling. “If you date me, then of course I will take therapy seriously. But if you’re not interested, well, I don’t want an unwilling partner, either.” Leo was screaming inside.

Poor Alan rubbed his temples, and was silent for a long while.

The Vice Captain prodded him. “Hey, Alan, really. It’s humiliating to date someone who doesn't genuinely like me. So if you say yes, it better be a true yes. If it’s a no, then it’s a no.”

Alan hesitated before he finally replied, “Okay.”

“So it’s a yes?” Leo’s heart was racing and he couldn't believe his ears.

“On one condition.” Alan smiled slightly as he mimicked Leo’s earlier wording. “I want you to put in a sincere effort into therapy, not just attend passively. To be clear, this isn't about trying to change you, Leo. I—I do like you, even if you might not believe me. I want you to have the best in life. Not just in material possessions, but in deeper things as well. So, will you be fine with that?”

Alan looked so earnest, that Leo wanted to laugh at him, but he couldn’t. And he was so close to getting what he wanted for a very long time. So Leo smiled. “Yes. Just to be clear, though, you’ll break up with me if I don’t seem to be putting in a real effort?” He spoke with bravado, but he felt brittle as he said it.

Alan must have detected that fragility, damn him, because he reached out to caress Leo’s hair. “No. I doubt that I would want to break up with you, honestly. But more than that, I know therapy can be very hard, and sometimes you want to give up. I know I thought about giving up many times before. Only my sheer stubbornness kept me going. So put in some genuine effort. I’ll be here for you too, if you need me.”

Out of reflex, Leo wanted to say that he didn’t need Alan, but he bit his tongue. It wasn’t good to insult a guy who just agreed to date you, right? So Leo just made a smug smile and stuck out his hand. “Deal. Let’s shake on it.”

Alan looked a bit wary, even as he gripped Leo’s hand. “I'm serious that I want to see true effort from you, though. No tricks.”

Leo laughed and replied in a sing-song voice, “Aye aye captain.”

Chapter Text

The night that Alan said yes to dating him, Leo scoured through Darkwick's directory of therapists.

He found someone who might work, a fellow gay dude who was easy on the eye. But not too easy, lest Alan got jealous. Leo snickered at the thought of making his himbo jelly.

Of course, Leo never half-assed his research. So he dug up whatever he could about the therapist. His name was Eric Isakawa.

The man was a fellow social media enthusiast. Eric was nowhere close to Leo’s level, but was respectable. He mainly did written posts and blogs, while Leo did more image and video posts.

There didn't seem to be anything sketchy about him, which was a tad disappointing. Blackmail material could always come in handy, but he’ll let it go for now. If anything happened, he could always fire the therapist and find another.

He shot off a consultation request to Eric, mentioning vaguely that he wanted help with his relationships. Leo shuddered at this portrayal of his problem. He sounded desperate, but he didn’t want Alan to break up with him if he didn’t take it seriously enough.

Once that was done, Leo wasted no time in knocking on Alan’s bedroom door, feeling smug but also nervous.

Alan opened the door and appeared less annoyed than usual. “What?”

Leo placed his hands on his hips. “What do you mean ‘What’? Aren’t we dating? You shouldn't be surprised to see me visit you at night.” Since Alan could be a bit obtuse, Leo nodded pointedly at Alan’s bed.

The Vagastrom captain gaped. “Oh, no. Yes, we’re dating now, but um, I prefer to be in a relationship for much longer before we do anything like that.”

It was hilarious how abashed the usually candid captain was. But Leo’s heart sank. With a brave face, the influencer said, “Okay, okay, no sex on the first date, or even the hundredth date, I get it.”

The taller man grimaced. “I didn’t mean it like that. Please don't take it as a rejection. I’m just a slow-to-warm-up kind of bloke.” He sighed and rubbed his neck.

Leo felt awkward too, even though he was normally quick with words. “All right, then will you join me in the bath?”

Alan looked flustered and scandalized. “Um…no thank you. That’s too fast for me.”

“You’re so shy.” Leo laughed. “We don't even need to touch. We can just soak like homies shooting the breeze together. It’s funny because back when we weren't even friends, you had no issues coming up to me in the bath to order me to do things.”

Alan made an embarrassed face. “Sorry. I really shouldn't have done that. I gave you the wrong idea.”

The influencer sighed and threw his arms up. “Yeah, you gave me false hope, didn’t you?” Alan didn’t reply to that. Leo cursed himself, thinking that he probably said the wrong thing again. He had never dated someone he actually liked before. His exes were just attractive men who were good arm candy at the time, but they were clingy and just wanted to borrow Leo’s influence to get ahead.

“Fine, fine,” Leo said. “I forgive you for stalking me in the bath even when you weren't interested, just like I forgive you for the time you almost strangled me.”

Alan winced. “I’m sorry about that as well.”

A part of Leo felt vindicated that he made Alan uncomfortable about his past wrongdoings. But another part of Leo didn't feel too good. A silence stretched between them before he brought up something else. “Sooo about Tohma…”

As expected, defensive walls rose up around Alan, and his face closed off. “What about him? I already told you that it’s none of your business, and there’s nothing romantic between him and I, in case you were worried.”

“Ha, I have much higher self-esteem than that,” Leo replied. “I know I’m a lot prettier than that three-eyed jerk.”

Alan shot him a flat look. “Just stop trying to peek at his bank accounts, okay? It’s not right.”

Leo folded his arms with a scowl.

The Vagastrom captain scowled back. “Leo, if we’re going to stay in this relationship, we’ll have to set some boundaries. I’m not going to judge what you do in your spare time, but can you at least not hack into my friends’ bank accounts?”

A familiar tension surged through Leo, making him see red. “What? Are you holding our relationship hostage even on our first date?”

Suddenly Alan looked tired. “Please, Leo, I wish we didn’t have to fight constantly like this. I’m making a simple request. We don't have to turn this into another argument.”

A part of Leo could hear what Alan was getting at, but the dominant part of Leo was still pissy. “Sure, but it doesn't mean I have to agree with every single request you give me. And I don’t like you threatening to break up with me, before our relationship has even taken off the ground.”

Leo’s voice broke a little at the end, and Alan’s eyes softened. “Leo, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have put it that way. I can see why you’re upset. It wasn’t meant to be a threat, I promise.” He cleared his throat. “It’s another thing I learned in therapy. Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing the other person away, but about cherishing the relationship and keeping it good.”

Bafflement clouded Leo’s mind, his ire long gone in the flood of his captain's words. Alan had grown much more verbal since his therapy sessions, that was for sure. Leo asked, “How does setting boundaries mean that you cherish the relationship? It sounds like making up the rules as you go, and forcing the other person to accept them.”

To Leo’s surprise, Alan didn’t seem offended; he smiled more warmly. “Yeah, it was confusing to me at first. I do treasure our relationship, and I wasn't lying when I said I was flattered that you asked me out. In the past, I had too many ruined relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries. And no, it’s not about making up rules and forcing them on the other person. They are just requests.” The handsome captain furrowed his brows. “Is there a reason why you’re so opposed to not peeking into Tohma’s bank accounts?”

The influencer gritted his teeth at Alan’s repeated mention of the Frostheim vice captain. “Well, it makes me uneasy that you’re so close to Tohma. You’re kind of naive, no offense. You might trust him but I don’t. I want to look out for you in case he tries anything.”

It was a miracle, but instead of getting defensive, Alan actually had a more open face. “You do have good intentions.” He looked thoughtful. “Is there a way you can protect me without snooping into his accounts, though?”

Leo was about to bark back that he wouldn’t bother protecting Alan, then. But he stopped himself in time. No matter how Leo felt, he did recognize that Alan was trying to negotiate peacefully. So instead, Leo said, “If Tohma would tighten up his security properly, then I wouldn’t have this dilemma.”

The influencer was trying to be lighthearted about it, but his Captain frowned again. Alan said, “Well then, are there other ways you could protect me? Preferably legal ways.”

“You’ve become such a goody two shoes, law-abiding citizen, cap,” Leo joked, which Alan clearly didn’t appreciate. “Fine. I’ll leave Tohma’s accounts alone for now, okay? But if I hear anything suspicious about him, you can’t stop me from going back in and taking precautions for us.”

Alan’s shoulders relaxed. “I suppose that’s good enough for now. Thank you.”

It felt weird to be thanked by his captain, since Alan wasn't this polite until recently. “I have a question, though,” Leo spoke up again. “Why are you so insistent on protecting Tohma’s privacy? Even though you’re not shagging him?”

At that, Alan grumbled and clenched his fists. “Can you be any less crude?”

Leo laughed. He couldn’t help himself when he bantered back, “Sorry, that was a slip of my tongue. I guess I’m a bit jealous, is all.”

“Ah, finally a bit of honesty, eh?” Alan said, with a softer tone. “Again, I’m not interested in Tohma romantically.”

“But you’re interested in me romantically?” Leo had to ask.

Alan laughed. “I said yes to dating you, didn’t I?”

Leo tugged on his sleeve and dipped his head a bit. “Oh, well, I still wanted to be sure that you didn’t agree out of pity.”

The Vagastrom captain shook his head vigorously. “No, no, Leo, why do you have so much doubt? Do I look like a guy who would be so casual with relationships that I would say yes to a guy I didn’t like?”

“It’s hard to tell with you, cap,” Leo said in a teasing tone. But he felt vulnerable.

Alan furrowed his brows. “Hey, Leo, I want to talk this out with you, so we can start off with a strong foundation for our relationship. Is there anything I can do to reassure you that I’m serious about you?”

A small burst of joy rippled through Leo. “You’re serious about me?”

Alan raised a brow. “What? I’m not a man who takes things lightly. If I agreed to be in a relationship with you, then I’m serious about you.” He put a hand on his chin. “I feel like you still don't believe me somehow.”

Leo chuckled drily. “That’s the problem, you see? You’re so duty and honor bound. How do I know that you genuinely like me, and you’re not just doing it out of some sense of responsibility? You are getting me to see a therapist, after all.”

“Oh.” A look of understanding dawned on Alan’s face. “While I do care about duty and honor, I don’t think it’s honorable at all to accept a date just to appease someone, let alone for a deal. I know our date started off as a kind of deal. But believe me, if I wasn’t interested in you, I would have said no and offered you something more—platonic.”

“Oh?” Leo said, intrigued. His heart was racing, but he was determined not to lose courage. So he asked in a mischievous tone, “Then prove your interest by kissing me.”

To the influencer’s frustration, Alan looked mortified.

“I’m not asking for sex, damn it,” Leo said. “Or are kisses off limits for first dates too?”

Alan let out a long-suffering sigh. “No, not off limits. Close your eyes.”

The influencer did so, curiosity and exhilaration flooding his frame.

In the past, Leo would never be so careless as to close his eyes in Alan Mido’s room, no matter how attracted Leo was to the guy. But now, Leo trusted his captain not to kill him while his guard was down.

Instead, the big hands that came down on his hair and cheeks, were surprisingly gentle. Holy shit, Alan was taking his sweet time and tormenting him. Then, at last, he felt the other man’s mouth on his, and his scratchy stubble.

Leo thought he would be engulfed by happiness when his long-time crush finally kissed him. But when the moment did come, Leo was happy, yes, but more than that, he was dreadfully curious about what kind of a kisser Alan would be.

After a while of suspense, Alan deepened their kiss. His hands ran down Leo’s sides, until they found his waist and pulled Leo flush against his body.

Oh my gosh. Leo couldn’t wait to jump into bed with this guy one day.

After some minutes of unadulterated bliss, Alan pulled back and Leo opened his eyes. The influencer couldn't suppress his smile. “Not bad, cap, not bad.”

Alan looked shy but also relieved. It was adorable how a man as smoking hot as Alan could lack confidence in his kisses.

Leo reached out to hold the other man’s hand. “Care to go out on a midnight stroll with me? Let’s have our first date in the spooky forest in Obscuary.”

Honestly, Leo just said that to break the awkwardness, though he also wanted to show off his beautiful guy to the world. (Well, at least to Rui, who was most likely to be wandering the grounds then.)

He was surprised when Alan said, “Okay. I can already tell that dating you will be fun.”

It was hard to know whether that was sarcastic or not, though Alan typically didn’t do sarcasm. Maybe Leo was just feeling insecure. But a yes was a yes!

Chapter Text

Leo was riding on a high, feeling drunk with happiness. He clutched Alan’s hand, and swung it like a child who won a prize.

The two had marched out of the Vagastrom gates, and were crossing the campus to get to Obscuary.

Alan laughed and squeezed his Vice Captain’s hand. “Hey, I know this is a date, but it’s still late at night. So keep your eyes open for any dangers, all right?”

Leo made a dismissive noise. “No, we’re not on a mission tonight, Cap. And my stigma will tell me if anyone’s approaching.”

Their footsteps echoed on the road, sounding eerily loud in the dead of night.

Alan smiled. “I don’t doubt your stigma. But you might get too distracted to use it properly.”

Leo gave him a cheeky grin. “If I get too distracted, whose fault would that be, hmmm?”

By this time, they finally reached the Obscuary forest. An owl hooted nearby, and a bat flew overhead. Hopefully that wasn’t Ed, the resident vampire. Leo didn’t have any beef with the Obscuary captain, but he preferred to keep their interactions to a minimum.

The Vagastrom captain frowned, scanning the thick, dark trees and bushes. “Is it really wise to venture into the forest now?”

The influencer scowled at him. “What? Why back down from a challenge? And this is still inside school territory. No matter how bad it is, it’s still on campus grounds.”

“Maybe.” Alan pressed his lips together before saying, “I don’t want something to happen to us on our first date.”

Leo sighed. “If you weren’t comfortable coming to the Obscuary forest past midnight, you should have said so earlier.”

Alan grunted. “I guess I was too swept up in the moment. And you’re very persuasive, Leo.”

Leo knew that was supposed to be a compliment, but he wasn’t too happy. “I’m not dating a coward, am I?” he couldn't help but snap.

Alan’s hand now tightened around his in an almost painful grip. He glared at Leo. “No. Don’t bait me into another fight, please.” His tone softened a bit. “I want to enjoy my first night out with you. I don’t want to ruin it with pointless bickering.”

While the two were engaged in their banter, a familiar figure emerged from behind a tree. It was a handsome blond man with a bright smile on his face.

Rui, the vice captain of Obscuary, called out, “Hey! Alan, Leo, it’s been ages since you’ve come to our humble abode. What business brings you here?”

Leo responded before Alan could, “Cap and I are on our first date.” He showed off their intertwined hands.

The Reaper widened his eyes, then he laughed. “How cute! I always knew you were a great actor, Leo, but that was really convincing. I thought you were serious for a moment.”

Alan coughed. Leo glowered at Rui, and stomped the earth with his boots. “What the fuck? I was being serious. Do you think I’m not good enough for him?”

“Leo…,” Alan’s soft voice interjected.

Rui lifted his hands with a strained smile. “Sorry, sorry. Well, in that case, congratulations! You’re an adorable couple. I’m happy for you.”

“Maybe jealous too, right? Given your curse,” Leo pointed out.

“There’s no need to jab at him,” Alan remarked.

“No, it’s quite all right,” Rui said, waving his hands. “I should have known better. And for the record, Leo, I never believed that you weren’t good enough for Alan. As long as you guys are happy with each other, I’ll be happy too. I am a bit jealous, but that’s nothing out of the usual.”

Alan hummed at that, while Leo said, “How about Ed? He’s the only one who can survive your touch, right? He can just resurrect himself after you accidentally kill him again.”

Rui rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “Uh, Ed and I aren't boyfriends, if that’s what you were thinking.”

“Oh, I didn't think you two were boyfriends,” Leo replied. “I thought you were husbands. You’re so settled into a domestic routine with each other.”

Alan cut in, “Leo, come on, give Rui a break. The guy’s just trying his best given what he’s got now.”

The influencer furrowed his brows, his head heating up despite the chill night air. “Gee, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was trying to help. Are you sure that you and Ed don’t have a thing for each other? You’d make a good match.”

“Since when did you become a matchmaker?” Rui responded with a hearty laugh. “And as I said before, I don't swing that way. It’s one thing to flirt but it’s another to be in a relationship with another man.”

Leo was about to fire back that Rui was pretty much in a relationship with Ed already, cooking and cleaning for the vampire, and taking care of his every need. But Alan clasped his shoulder.

The influencer shot his captain a dirty look. Alan just said, “Never mind Leo. He’s just extra excited today. He doesn’t mean any harm, but he speaks his mind without thinking.”

Rui chuckled. “It’s really quite all right. Leo only has the best of intentions, doesn’t he?”

The influencer scowled at the barbed edge in the Reaper’s words.

“But anyway,” the Obscuary vice captain said. “I need to get back to the bar, and make sure Lyca didn’t mess anything up. I just walked outside for a quick breather. I won’t interrupt you on your date.” He raised his arm. “Ciao!”

As much as Leo wanted to bite Rui’s head off, he was also glad that he finally left them alone.

In the hush that remained, the Obscuary garden was beautiful, with its night flowers and elegantly pruned leaves, tipped with moonlight.

Leo turned to his Captain with a sweet smile. “Now, where were we?”

***

The rest of their walk was shockingly uneventful. No anomalies, ghosts, or monsters sprung up on them. Leo had to poke fun at Alan for over-worrying. Alan only smiled, and kissed him goodnight before they parted ways for their bedrooms.

Leo wanted to sleep in Alan’s bed, even fully clothed. But he decided not to push his luck. He didn’t like the thought of begging to sleep with his captain anyway. When the time came, Alan would be the one begging Leo to come to his bed!

A few days later, Leo got his phone consult with Eric Isakawa, the potential therapist.

Leo didn’t know what to expect when Eric finally called, but he hadn’t expected his voice to be like this. The therapist’s voice sounded like ice chips and warm honey mixed in a drink.

When Eric asked him what he wanted out of therapy, Leo had the urge to say, “Didn’t I already tell you on the form?” But he held his tongue. He didn’t want to ruin this before he even got started. Leo replied in a flat tone, “I just want some help with my relationships.”

“All right. Is there anything in particular that you want help with in your relationships?”

Leo narrowed his eyes, even though the other man couldn't see him. He tapped his desk with impatience. “Friendships and romantic relationships.” There. He wasn’t going into any more detail than that. The phone consult was only supposed to be 10 mins, for goodness' sake.

Thankfully, Eric didn’t push him for more. He explained his therapeutic approach, and asked Leo if he had seen counselling before. The influencer rolled his eyes and said no.

“Okay, is there anything you would like or dislike in therapy sessions?”

Leo had only been half-listening when Eric explained his approach earlier. But Leo remembered him talking about “exploring feelings.” The influencer shuddered. So he asked, “How would you talk about my feelings?”

In a calm voice, Eric said, “There’s a lot of different ways we can do that. We could talk about a recent interaction you had, and I would ask you how you felt about it.”

Leo gritted his teeth, thinking about Sho dumping him and how that made him feel. He managed to keep his tone civil. “I see.”

After they booked their first appointment, Leo hung up and sighed. “That wasn’t too painful.”

***

Unfortunately, the first session was a bit painful.

Leo had agreed to do a long intake questionnaire during the session, though he dreaded it.

The therapy office wasn’t too far from Darkwick. Potted plants adorned the walls, and lemon-flavored air freshener wafted around them.

Eric, who had short turquoise hair and dark brown eyes, smiled in a cordial manner. Leo folded his arms, unsmiling.

The influencer had considered putting on his charming, public facing persona that he used with his fans. But that would be too draining to do in the long term, so Leo decided not to bother. He would just try his hardest not to be rude, so he could prove to Alan that he was taking this “seriously.”

The couch was comfortable, at least, and Leo crossed his legs. He was tempted to put his feet up on the couch, but resisted the urge. Damn, there were so many things he had to restrain himself from doing. Alan would be proud of him.

To Leo’s annoyance, Eric asked him again what he came to therapy for. Didn’t he already ask this in both the form and the phone consult? He recited once more that he wanted help with relationships.

His therapist said, with a graceful lift of his brows which reminded him of Subaru, “This question is to give you the chance to elaborate if you have anything more to add.”

Leo Kurosagi shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing more to add.”

Eric proceeded to ask Leo about his background history…There were so many questions about his history, damn it.

Leo kept his responses laconic, as he didn’t trust someone who was still a complete stranger.

He confirmed that he was born in Japan, though he hadn’t always lived in Tokyo. His parents were probably both dead. Not that the orphanage ever told him; they just vaguely said that his parents weren’t able to raise him, given the rough environment they were in. Leo believed they had both died, since they never tried to visit.

Maybe it made him feel better to imagine them dead rather than unwilling to see him. Not that he told Eric this.

Leo Kurosagi was an adorable child, so he was quickly adopted. But due to “problems,” he could not get along with his adoptive siblings, so his new family sent him back to the orphanage. This suited Leo just fine because he hated them.

Afterwards, he went through a few foster homes, and was not adopted again. He had developed a bad reputation at the orphanage anyway, and he didn’t hide his hostility from his foster parents, either.

When he finally hit the age of majority this year, Leo moved to Darkwick to live alone, away from fake parents who pretended to care about him. Leo technically lived with the other ghouls at the Vagastrom dormitory, but he had his private bedroom and bathroom.

Leo skipped over much of these details. He just told Eric that neither the adoptive nor foster families were any good. But he was glad he was legally an adult now, and could live by himself here at Darkwick Academy.

Throughout this all, Eric didn’t push him, bizarre as it seemed. He just jotted down his responses and asked questions in that calm voice. While Leo didn’t trust Eric yet, at least he didn’t trigger anything in Leo. The influencer could tolerate him.

Then they got to the part about his social network.

“Are you in any romantic relationships?” Eric asked.

This was the only question Leo liked, and he answered, with a bit of smugness, “Yes. I started dating my captain just some days ago.”

Eric smiled and in that moment, he reminded Leo of Tohma. Careful and polite. “How did you meet?”

Wow, was this strictly professional, or was Eric just nosy for juicy details? He was a fellow gay man, after all. But in this instance, Leo didn’t mind. He felt his mood brighten as he talked about his himbo. “He’s the captain of my school house, as I said. I’m the vice captain now, and our relationship has developed quite a bit. We hated each other at first. He thought I was just a lazy troublemaker, and I thought he was just a strict guy who was impossible to please. But we’ve both come a long way.”

“Leo, I can’t help but notice that you seem a lot happier when you talk about Alan. He must be very important to you.”

Well, duh. But Leo was indeed in a great mood right now, so he decided to spare the poor therapist. Leo replied, “He really is. I’m a lucky guy.”

It struck Leo that while he was used to sarcasm and false modesty, he actually meant it this time. He really was lucky that Alan said yes to him. Alan could have easily said no.

Sadly, Leo’s positive feelings didn’t last. Eric asked, “How is your relationship like with Alan now? What are the challenges?”

Leo Kurosagi scrunched up his fine brows. Way to rain on a guy’s parade, Eric. “Like I mentioned earlier, we only started dating a few days ago. We don’t always agree with or understand each other, but we still try our best.” He shrugged again, trying to look nonchalant and unflappable.

Eric nodded in affirmation. “Aside from Alan, who else do you consider to be your close social supports?”

Leo clutched at the arm rests of his seat. He breathed deeply. The influencer decided to start with the easiest one first. “Romeo is a good friend of mine. He’s the Vice Captain of the Sinostra house. We have a lot in common and communicate well.”

The therapist nodded at that as well, and raised his brows as if expecting more.

Leo cursed inwardly, but he made himself bite the bullet.

“I also used to have a best friend, Sho. He dumped me last week.”

The silence after he dropped that was deafening.

Chapter Text

“I used to have a best friend, Sho. He dumped me last week,” Leo answered.

The tension grew heavy in the room, and the influencer avoided his therapist’s eyes.

Eric replied in a soft voice, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Leo snapped and turned around to face him again. He had reined in his temper throughout the session, but Eric’s dispassionate response to Sho’s betrayal was the last straw.

To his credit, Eric Isakawa didn’t appear daunted. He sighed. “I’m guessing your friend Sho is the main reason why you’re seeking counseling now.”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Leo smirked, folding his arms in a defensive posture.

The therapist didn’t take the bait, however. He furrowed his brows. “I truly am sorry, Leo. I know we only just met, so I don’t expect you to trust me yet.”

“Damn right I don’t,” Leo sniped, raising his voice. In the back of his mind, the influencer knew that things had gone haywire, but he was past caring now.

“I get that. I wouldn’t trust me either if I met me for the first time. After what Sho did to you, I imagine you wouldn’t be keen to trust anyone new, either.”

Leo Kurosagi breathed deeply and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he found Eric watching him, not like a hawk but like a curious seagull. Leo groaned. A part of him wanted to apologize, but the larger part of him refused to give in.

After a long span of silence, Eric spoke up again. “Would you like to continue the questionnaire? If it’s too painful to talk about Sho right now, we can come back to him later if you want.”

The influencer pursed his lips, but he said, “Let’s keep going with this questionnaire.”

The rest of the questions were more manageable. There were a few dicier questions, asking him about his alcohol and drug usage, any suicidal ideation or self-harm, and traumatic experiences. Leo spoke in a distant tone, and kept his replies brief.

When Eric got to one of the last questions, Leo felt a little surprised. “Leo, what do you see as your greatest strengths and qualities?”

At first, the influencer thought that was a trick question. It seemed so positive compared to the rest of this probing questionnaire. Leo tucked a finger under his chin, and he stared up at the ceiling.

It wasn’t that Leo didn’t think he had any strengths. He just had so many that it was hard to choose, not to brag. In the end, he went with the simplest answer. “I’m good with tech and social media.” He gave his therapist a Cheshire grin, daring him to react. He knew Eric was a social media guy, too.

But Eric just noted it down, in that annoyingly calm way of his. “That’s an awesome strength. What other good qualities can you think of?”

The influencer barely hid his scowl. He uttered, “I’m smart and have an excellent memory.”

Thankfully, Eric didn’t ask him for more. “Thanks, Leo. Finally, what do you do to cope with stress and low moods?”

Leo folded his arms again. He gazed at a crystal cat figurine near a wall. “I listen to music and take walks outside.” He felt like he was treading carefully again, not wanting to be trapped like he was earlier.

Eric Isakawa nodded as he scribbled down his answer. “All right, thank you. Is there anything else you want to add that I should know?”

Leo gave Eric a long, hard look, then he exhaled. “I suppose I should be honest with you, but I originally didn’t want to come to therapy. I offered to seek counselling if Alan would date me.” At Eric’s widened eyes, Leo glowered at the other man. “I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t coerce him. In fact, I told him repeatedly that I only wanted him to say yes if he was truly interested. I don't want to date someone who doesn't actually like me.” He hated how his chest clenched at the admission.

Eric smiled. “There’s no shame in that, Leo. It sounds like you really care about Alan, and he cares about you too.”

Leo Kurosagi swept a hand through his hair, his eyebrows knitted. “Yeah. He cares about me.” He paused. “I care about him too.”

It felt bizarre to say that. Rationally, he knew that he wouldn’t have agreed to come to therapy if he didn’t give a shit about Alan. Why would Leo ask his captain out if he didn’t care? But the thought was still too strange for comfort, to think that Leo Kurosagi cared about somebody.

Eric nodded. “All right. Shall we book our next session?”

“When we can actually start talking about my problems, right?” Leo quipped in a dry tone.

Eric only seemed amused. Yeah, he definitely gave off Tohma vibes, though he wasn't nearly as repulsive as the Frostheim Vice Captain.

***

Speaking of Tohma, Alan Mido met up with his friend in the Vagastrom car again. Tohma had enhanced the Anomalous soundproofing to avoid being overheard by Leo.

But by now, Alan was used to Leo always scheming his way back in to eavesdrop on them; he was too smart. Besides, Alan didn’t have anything shameful to say. He just imagined talking to Tohma in Leo’s presence. He even casually glanced in the car mirror, and was slightly disappointed that the influencer wasn’t sneaking in on the backseats.

Tohma eyed him with his enigmatic smile. “Oh? Mido, you seem different today, lighter.”

Despite being good friends for a few years, Tohma was still so polite and called Alan by his last name. A bit frustrating but Alan brushed it off. The Vagastrom captain rubbed the back of his neck. “Really? Well…” Alan had considered not revealing his relationship with Leo just yet. But he was never good at pretending, and it was hard to hide anything from Tohma, even if Alan wanted to. So he just said, “I’m dating my Vice Captain now.”

At that, Tohma’s eyes bulged comically and he choked.

“Are you okay?” Alan asked, concerned.

Tohma coughed lightly before clearing his throat. “Yes. Sorry about that. I should have realized.”

“Oh?” Alan lifted a quizzical eyebrow.

The Frostheim Vice Cap laced his fingers. “Thanks to Kurosagi’s kind advice, I’ve hired some top tier cybersecurity guys to protect my bank accounts. But your Vice Cap always finds a way to infiltrate them anyway. My guys could never catch him, but they could sense his presence in the data.

“But this past week or so, his invasions stopped altogether. I suspected that something had happened. Perhaps you offered him a deal he couldn’t refuse, and got him off my back.” Tohma smiled. “Though I hadn’t expected it to be a romantic deal.”

Tohma continued, “I did think that Leo was ridiculously persistent on snooping on us, as if he had nothing better to do. The honor student once confided in me that Leo was looking for our new ‘hookup spots.’ At the time, I thought Leo was just being cheeky. But maybe, a part of him did worry on a romantic level.”

Alan was slackjawed. “Hookup spots? What—”

Tohma waved his gloved hand in dismissal. “He can think whatever he likes about us. I don’t really care.” Mirth reappeared on his face. “But judging from your expression, the deal you made with Leo wasn’t totally a deal, eh?”

Alan felt abashed but also secretly happy. He thought for a few seconds before answering, “I suggested that Leo get therapy, since he was struggling with some personal issues. He didn’t want to at first, but later changed his mind, saying that he would see a therapist if I dated him.” His cheeks warmed at the words.

Tohma chuckled. “It’s adorable, you know, seeing you flustered like this. And what happened after that?”

Alan leaned back against the headrest, gazing at the ceiling of the car. “Well, I was flabbergasted, honestly. You know how much Leo messes around.” A smile tugged at his lips. “I told him therapy was something to be taken seriously, it wasn't a bet. But he got all upset, believing that I didn't like him and just wanted to let him down gently.”

“Ooh?” came Tohma’s curious voice. “So were you letting him down gently?”

The Frostheim vice captain was teasing him. Alan replied, “No. I was surprised when I realized how I felt, too. Leo is incredibly exasperating. Yet, I like him. Sometimes, I feel lonely when I walk back to Vagastrom and don’t see him there.”

Tohma let out a hearty laugh. “Wow, you’ve got it bad, my friend.”

“Er, thank you?” Alan glanced out the window. “It’s such an odd feeling. I did wonder if it was because of his looks. He is, um, very nice to look at.”

“That much I can agree on,” Tohma said with a chuckle.

“Yet, he’s not just pretty. There’s something about him that gets my attention. I was very annoyed with him when we first met, since he was such a nuisance. But as we spent more time together, especially after he became my Vice Captain, my feelings towards him gradually shifted. He can still be such a rascal, but I began to look forward to seeing him. It feels…disappointing when I don’t get to see him some days. It’s like I got so used to him bugging and annoying me, that I feel a bit sad when he’s not around. Argh, I’m still not very good at articulating my feelings.”

“I think you’re articulating them just fine,” Tohma said with a benign smile. “I’m happy for you. I did worry about you before, needing to work with him, given his tendencies. But things have changed, right?”

“Yeah,” Alan said. He paused before he continued, “Um, I asked Leo to stop hacking into your bank accounts. He was reluctant at first, saying that he still didn’t trust you. He was angry too, believing that I was threatening to break up with him if he didn’t stop. Well, I told him that I wasn’t threatening anything. It was just a request. Eventually, he agreed to back off for now. If he hears anything suspicious about you, though, not even I can stop him from hacking back into your accounts.” He grimaced.

But Tohma just laughed again, his eyes twinkling. “I see, I see. It all makes sense now. I’ll cherish this good fortune. It's a shame that he still doesn’t trust me, but then again, if he trusted easily, he wouldn’t be Leo Kurosagi.”

“That’s true,” Alan said with a sigh.

The two men were silent for a while. It was only later that they got back to sharing intel about the Darkwick spy.

Alan truly treasured these times with Tohma, whom he considered a good friend. And he appreciated Tohma sharing information with him even after leaving for Frostheim. Yet today, Alan found himself feeling impatient to get back to Leo, his beloved Vice Captain.

Chapter Text

Leo sat alone on the Vagastrom couch, staring out in a daze. His headphones blasted pop music through his ears.

So he hardly noticed when someone plopped down beside him. It startled Leo, and he was about to snap at them. But his response died in his throat when he saw that it was Alan, the one person he didn't mind seeing right now.

Alan frowned. “Are you okay? How was your first therapy session?”

Immediately, Leo quipped, “Why should I tell you? It’s confidential, right?” Guilt dug at him when he saw the hurt on Alan’s face.

The Vagastrom captain sighed. “Sorry about that. You don’t need to share anything you don’t want to. I just wanted to check to see how you’re feeling. Was the session promising?”

The influencer brushed his bangs from his eyes. “It was…okay. It wasn’t really a session, since it was just a long intake questionnaire.” He paused.

Alan pressed his lips together, then replied, “I remember those intakes. It was—difficult, wasn't it?”

At this point, Leo lost his patience. “Cap, you don't have to be so careful with your words. Whatever you have to say, just say it. I’m not some delicate doll, damn it.”

Alan, to Leo’s annoyance, glanced around. “Since we’re out in a public area, I didn't want to ask about anything specific. So—”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, Cap?” Leo slipped in with a teasing smirk.

Poor Alan was flustered and looked like he didn't know where to put his hands. Leo wished his captain could just put his hands on Leo, but of course the himbo was too shy to make such advances. Alan said, “I’m not sure what you mean, but let’s talk somewhere more private.”

Leo’s mood soured again. “You mean, talk where you and Tohma have your clandestine meetings?”

“Clandestine?” Alan asked, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t understand these big words. But no, we could go to either my room or yours.”

Leo let out a loud laugh despite himself. “Always the himbo energy. I usually go to your room, so you can come to mine tonight.” The influencer snickered at Alan’s baffled face.

A clatter sounded next to them. A Vagastrom general student had stumbled over some junk. He shot Leo and Alan a furtive glance before scurrying off.

Leo’s mouth curled with distaste.

Over the past week, the Vagastrom general students had whispered or jeered about their relationship, though not in Alan’s presence, as their captain still intimidated them. Leo wished the general students would show him, their Vice Cap, the same respect. As for Sho…

Ugh, Leo didn’t want to think about that traitor. Sho did his best to avoid him, and refused to speak to him even when they were in the same room.

Leo fumed, but he would fight fire with fire. He would give Sho the silent treatment too, and see who outlasted who.

Regardless, Leo Kurosagi grasped his Captain's hand and tugged him towards his dorm room. A couple of general students glanced at their joined hands, and Leo cast them a dangerous smirk. The two students blanched and quickly scuttled away.

Some of the general students might be homophobic, but there were so many gay and bi ghouls in Darkwick, that the bigots had to stay silent. Besides, Leo suspected that some of the men were jealous that Leo got to date their hot captain while they didn’t.

***

“What are you thinking about?” Alan interrupted his train of thought.

They reached Leo’s room. He unlocked the door as he grinned at his captain. “Thinking of what naughty things I could do to you now that you’re in my room.”

Alan grumbled, even as he followed Leo inside. “I already said…”

“I know what you said,” Leo cut in, as he closed and bolted the door. He shot Alan a cheeky look. “Oh, maybe you want to do naughty things to me instead?” Gosh, that thought turned Leo on more than he imagined, especially as they were this close to his comfy bed.

Sadly, the Vagastrom Captain had a will of steel, or a heart of stone. He sighed. “If you’re going to keep seducing me, I'm leaving.”

Leo Kurosagi gave him an adorable pout. “I was just messing with you. I’d never make you do anything you didn’t want to do. Even I’m not that barbaric.”

Alan chuckled. “I never said you were barbaric. You do screw around a lot, but you act right when it counts.”

The influencer sputtered with laughter. “I definitely screw around, all right.” At Alan’s confused look, Leo wiped a hand over his face. “Never mind.” It was both cute and irritating how bad his captain was at getting innuendoes. Oh well, nobody was perfect.

“Anyway.” Alan tugged out Leo’s computer chair and sat his fine ass down. Leo wanted to sit on his lap, but he resisted and flopped down on his bed instead. Alan cleared his throat. “So, um, how was the session? Did you have a good impression of your therapist?”

“Eric Isakawa?” Leo began. He tilted his head in thought. “Hmmm, he’s like a slightly nicer version of Tohma.”

Alan grimaced. “Do we have to bring up Tohma again?”

“No,” Leo agreed. “Let’s not. Well, looks-wise, he reminds me of Yuri Isami, that crazy Mortkranken doctor. Pretty but thankfully not as obnoxious as Isami.”

Alan nodded, strangely attentive. “Did you feel safe and comfortable with him?”

He asked this question with such a serious face, that Leo couldn't help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Alan asked with a creased brow, though he sounded more puzzled than irked.

“You just look so adorable that I want to squish your cheeks.” Leo raised his fingers towards Alan’s face.

The Vagastrom Captain intercepted him and grasped his hands. “If you don’t feel comfortable answering this particular question, then—”

“Okay, okay, I’ll answer it.” Leo’s pride stung at the insinuation that he wasn't tough enough to handle the question. “I feel….neutral towards Isakawa. Aside from that bit of Tohma resemblance, he didn’t ring any alarm bells for me, at least not yet. I was upset at some of the things he said, but I admit that he never lost his cool and handled things quite decently.”

A rare smile stretched across Alan’s lips—Leo wanted to kiss them. “Wow, that’s some high praise coming from you.”

Leo snorted and pulled his hands out of Alan’s grasp, then folded his arms. “That wasn’t praise. I’m doing it all for your sake. The therapist is a stranger to me. I don't care about him. I only care about, well—I only care about you.” Leo avoided Alan’s eyes, and cursed inwardly.

An awkward silence spanned between them.

“Leo? Look at me.”

The influencer at last raised his gaze and glared at his captain. “What?”

Alan’s features softened a bit. “It’s—I’m touched that you care about me.” He paused. “Thank you for saying that.”

Leo smirked and lifted his chin. “I’m not stupid. Why the fuck would I ask you out if I didn’t?”

The other man let out a laugh. “I would be worried if you were just pretending. It would be—quite heartbreaking for me if this was just a roleplay to you.”

At that, Leo blinked up at his captain. “Do you really think I would roleplay about something as serious as this?”

Alan shook his head. “No, but I can't say it hasn’t ever crossed my mind.” Before Leo could fire up a retort, Alan raised his hands in a gesture of peace. “I don't doubt your sincerity. I just have insecurities sometimes, that’s all.” Alan’s gaze dipped a bit as if he were shy.

Leo frowned, feeling angry all of a sudden. “Why, though? Why do you feel insecure?”

Alan gave him an even look. “Everyone feels insecure sometimes. I’m sure even you do.”

The influencer was about to protest that he had no insecurities, but he stopped himself, as that was blatantly untrue. While Leo could be a pathological liar, he didn’t want to lie to himself, let alone to Alan. His lips pressed firmly together.

The Vagastrom Captain reclined in his chair, his expression solemn yet gentle. “Leo, I know therapy and thinking about feelings can be scary. But I just want to say that I’m proud of you for being brave and doing it anyway.”

An odd sensation tingled in Leo at Alan’s praise, but he couldn’t resist saying, “Not to burst your bubble, but I’m not doing it because I’m brave. I’m doing it because I made a deal with you.”

Alan was not deterred, however. “It means a lot that you’re holding on to your end of the deal. Especially after I told you that I wouldn’t break up with you regardless.” He frowned, a turmoil in his face.

Leo intercepted him before Alan could voice his concern. “I’m not a crappy partner, okay? I’m not going to break my promise. Maybe it looks like I always want to do as little work as possible, but…” Argh, even Leo had trouble finding the right words now.

“Well, you might skimp on work that doesn’t matter to you. But when something is important to you, you always give it your all.”

Why did Alan’s compliment make Leo feel both pleased and exposed at the same time? Reflexively, Leo said, “I just hope you aren’t dreaming too big for my sake. I would hate to be a disappointment to you.” His stomach clenched tight at the words. “Still, I will give this an honest effort.” He laughed drily. “I’m not a coward who quits at the first opportunity.”

Alan smiled broadly. “I’m relieved to hear that. Do tell me if you ever need anything.”

Leo nodded. It felt odd, as if the influencer was doing Alan a favor. But as long as he could keep the himbo, Leo would persevere through therapy. It couldn't be worse than the proverbial “walking on hot coals” for someone.

Not that Leo had ever wanted to walk on hot coals for anyone. But for Alan Mido, he might. What a strange thought.

***

Before Leo knew it, a week had flown by like the wind.

He was about to leave Vagastrom to see his therapist, when he bumped into Subaru, out of all people.

The Hotarubi captain widened his eyes, taking in Leo’s presence.

Leo smirked in his pretty face, and twisted away before he could lose control and punch the guy who stole Sho from him.

But as his back was turned, Subaru called out, “Wait!”

Leo should have just ignored him and gone on. Subaru didn't deserve any of Leo’s attention, after what he pulled. Yet, the influencer was curious. Maybe the former actor would give Leo some leverage without realizing it.

The Hotarubi captain was beside him in a moment, and gave him a small, polite smile. “Kurosagi-kun, I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while. Do you have a minute?”

“No, I’m rushing off to an appointment,” Leo replied curtly, though he wasn't lying. He shifted again to leave.

Subaru, despite his usual softness, actually followed Leo, the little shit. “We can walk and talk at the same time,” he said.

Leo scowled at the other ghoul. “My appointment is private and I don’t need you tagging along.”

“I understand, but this will only take a moment,” persisted Subaru. Some of the Vagastrom general students stared at them. It was probably strange to them that their Vice Cap was talking to a rival house captain, no matter how reluctantly. Subaru said, “I just wanted to say, I was concerned with how you treated Sho, and thought he deserved better, but—”

Leo gave him a rude snort. “You
stalk me to my appointment, you insult me, and still you expect me to keep listening?”

“You’re still listening, aren’t you?” Subaru replied. Again, Leo was aghast that the former actor was much bolder than he used to be; did Sho’s stubborn attitude rub off on Subaru that much? A pang of bitterness coursed through Leo at the thought.

But Subaru, heedless, continued, “I expressed my concerns to Sho, but um, I hadn’t expected him to stop being friends with you. I just wanted him to set clearer boundaries with you.”

The revelation took its time to hit Leo. “What the fuck?” the influencer hissed as he rounded a corner of the campus on the way to Erik’s.

Subaru let out a heavy sigh. “I know I’m the last person you would want to believe, but I spoke to Sho, saying that cutting you off was too extreme. But he disagreed and said he was sick of it all and didn’t want to do it anymore. He didn’t want to be your slave.”

Leo’s eyes grew hot for some reason, but he gritted his teeth. “He wasn’t even a good slave,” he spat out. Distantly, Leo knew he was digging his own grave. But the grief was too heavy, and Leo would do anything to escape the pain.

Yet, Subaru wasn't finished. “It’s technically none of my business what goes on between the two of you. But I wanted you to know that it’s hurting Sho, too. I can see it in his eyes. He’s so stubborn, and doesn’t want to show weakness. But deep down, I know that he misses you, really badly. When I confronted him about it, he claims that you never respected him, so it’s better this way. Yet, yet…How do I say this?”

“How about you don’t say anything at all?” Leo sneered. He pumped his legs to march faster, but Subaru was surprisingly athletic and kept up.

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t intrude. But I honestly feel like, if you’re both willing, you can be friends again. You’ll both have to work to build a—healthier relationship. But if you and Sho are determined, I believe it can be done.”

Hesitation, and hope, bloomed in Leo’s chest, but he pressed the feeling down again. “Forget about it. Even if I were willing to take him back, what suggests that Sho would be willing to change?”

Before the annoying Subaru could say another word, Leo ran out of patience and sprinted away. Subaru thankfully let him go at last.

Hmph. Did Subaru think that Leo would fall for his tricks? Sho and Subaru just wanted to control him, to mold him like putty in their hands.

All that shit about Leo not respecting Sho…Well, Sho didn’t respect Leo, either. The friendship was better off dead. An ache burst in him at the thought, but Leo once again tamped it down. He couldn't give in, no matter what.

Chapter Text

It was a relief when Leo finally burst into Eric’s office. Subaru’s words still echoed in his ears: I know that Sho misses you, really badly.

Ugh, Subaru was giving him a mindfuck.

As Leo shut the door to the therapy room, Eric Isakawa—who truly looked like a softer Yuri—glanced up. “Are you all right, Leo? You look a little shaken.”

Leo lifted his chin. “If I weren’t shaken, then why would I come to see you?”

Eric was unperturbed as always, and smiled. “True.” When Leo slumped down on his couch, Eric asked, “So, what topic would you like to focus on today?”

The influencer rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to pick a topic for me?”

His therapist chuckled. “You’re the client and have the freedom to choose. But if you can’t decide which one, then why don’t you tell me about what bothered you just now? You didn’t seem as disturbed last week.”

Leo gritted his teeth. He crossed his arms, staring at the ceiling and wondering how much to reveal. Rationally, he knew he had to disclose something eventually. Otherwise, there was no point in seeing a therapist. But still he felt reluctant.

He gripped his hands together, and said with a huff, “Well, you remember my ex-best friend, Sho? His new bestie came to the dorm to see me, right before I came here.” Leo made an expression of nonchalance, but it probably wasn't fooling Eric.

Leo went on, “His name is Subaru, the captain of the Hotarubi house. He had the nerve to tell me that Sho misses me, and that we could be friends again, if we work to make a healthier relationship.” His insides filled with disgust at the thought of a “healthy relationship.”

“Oh?” Eric said, seeming intrigued. “That sounds like a good thing, having a chance to be friends again. Why does that upset you?”

Leo threw up his hands. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Isakawa gave him a smile. “I want to hear your reasoning.”

Leo shot him a flat look. Unbelievable. But he reminded himself that he was mad at Subaru and Sho, not really at Eric. “Doesn’t it sound like a clear trap to you? For your information, Sho doesn't actually want to be friends again. But Subaru claimed that he never wanted us to stop being friends. He just hoped Sho would set better boundaries with me, that was all.”

The influencer continued, “Subaru thinks he can nudge me into becoming what he wants—some soft, simpering golden boy just like him.”

“A soft, simpering golden boy just like him?” Eric echoed with a wondering voice.

Leo smirked. “Yeah. In case you didn’t know, Subaru Kagami is a former Kabuki actor. He seems so sweet and innocent now, but who knows why he quit showbiz to come to Darkwick, out of all places? And what demon pact did he make to become a ghoul?”

Eric reflected for a bit before replying, “Oh yes, I remember the Kagamis. Hmm, I’m curious, though. Why does Subaru want to trap you and turn you into a golden boy? What would he gain from that?”

Leo sighed and leaned back on the couch. Was Eric so dense that he had to spell out his every thought? “Why wouldn’t he want to? The more innocent they look, the more they’re secretly a control freak inside. If I yield and become a soft, sweet little thing like he clearly wants me to be, then I would be like putty in his hands, like some servant boy.”

“A servant boy?” Eric repeated, frowning. “Does Subaru treat Sho like a servant, by the way?”

Leo groaned. “You just don't believe me, do you? I know Subaru looks very cute, but looks can be deceiving.”

His therapist nodded. “Looks sure can be deceiving. The reason why I’m a bit confused here, is that treating someone like a servant, is the direct opposite of having healthy boundaries. A healthy relationship implies that both parties are equal, respected, and have their own freedom.”

Leo blinked. A shocking feeling landed on him like cold water. He was about to demand if Eric was on Subaru’s side, when a better question occurred to him. The influencer curled his lips. “How do you define a ‘healthy relationship’?”

Eric smiled. “It’s a relationship where both people are happy, satisfied, and feel that the other person respects and cares about them.” He paused. “What do you think of that definition?”

An uneasy sensation swam through Leo, and he avoided Eric’s gaze. “That’s something everyone wants, isn’t it?”

“Yes, at least most of us do. Do you?” Eric asked rather baldly.

Leo scowled. He folded his arms protectively over his chest. After a moment of silence, he said, “I guess so.” He shrugged.

His therapist hummed. The two were silent again for a while.

Leo grunted. “Aren't you going to say anything to that?”

But Eric just replied, “Sorry, I thought you wanted time to think and elaborate.” He took a sip of water from a glass. “Since you wrote on your intake form that you wanted help with relationships, I gather that you want help in having healthier relationships?”

Leo glanced around despite himself, suddenly feeling trapped. He growled a bit. “Why do we have to label a relationship healthy or unhealthy? Why can't we all have our own relationships, and not care about what other people think?”

If Leo wanted to make Eric mad, he was unsuccessful. Eric only answered in a friendly voice, “Yeah, I see what you mean. Thanks for explaining that. I hadn’t thought about how—judgmental the term ‘healthy’ would sound. It’s like labeling food as healthy or unhealthy, and shaming you if you pick unhealthy food, right?”

A bubble of amusement popped in Leo’s mind. He had an image of himself scarfing down spicy gummies, while Sho made fun of his love for spice even in his candy. Leo’s mood took a big dip again at the thought of his former best friend. He grumbled, “Yeah. Look, this is just a basic human thing to want. To be left alone so we can live our lives the way we wish, without other people meddling and trying to control us.” His mouth hardened into a line.

Eric nodded, his eyes a mixture of warmth and focus. “Yeah, no one wants to be controlled and told what to do. We all want the freedom to choose how we live.”

Leo sighed. It felt weird to agree with his therapist on something, for once. He put a hand on his chin and pondered some more. Unlike earlier, where he felt trapped and like cold water had drenched his head, he now felt calmer and quieter within. Not at peace per se, but certainly not as uneasy as before.

He darted a look at Eric again. The other man had a pensive but curious expression. It was clear his therapist was trying to observe without appearing intrusive, which was…a good thing. The influencer cleared his throat. He drank the soda pop he brought as well, as it was an excellent way to stall for time, as he saw his therapist do earlier. Another thought came into his mind. “Can I ask you something, Eric?”

Eric widened his eyes, reminding Leo of a deer. An undaunted deer. “Yes, go ahead.”

“Why are you in this profession?” Leo asked bluntly. “Surely it’s annoying to have to wrestle with your client’s thoughts until they fit some socially acceptable path.”

To Leo’s astonishment, Eric laughed. It wasn't a light laugh, but a hearty one, as if he found it genuinely funny. Leo bristled, but before he could retort, Eric said, “Leo, I really appreciate your honesty. It helps to clear the air so we can understand each other better. We’re like collaborators, after all. It’s good to check if we’re on the same page with things, so we can do better work.”

Leo nodded with impatience, not knowing where Eric was going with this, though he was admittedly curious.

Eric continued, “I’m in this profession because I like people and believe in them. It’s too easy for most folks to just give up, and think someone will always be stuck and miserable. But personally, I believe that as long as the person is open to it, they can find their own ways to get where they want to be, step by step. And I can support them to find that path. Speaking of paths, to be clear, I’m not aiming to get you on some socially acceptable route, let alone wrestle with you towards it! And what even is socially acceptable? You and I know that not everyone thinks it’s acceptable for two men to be in a relationship.”

Leo snorted, feeling a reluctant agreement. It was the first time they had ever brought up this thing they had in common, both being gay men in a society that didn’t always welcome them.

Eric smiled, looking guileless. “If history has taught us anything, it’s that when we try to force anyone to fit social standards, whether it be a heterosexual marriage or something similar, it always backfires and everyone is miserable in the end. What’s wiser and better to do, is to support each person to find their own way in life.”

Leo had to give it to him. That was a nice speech and Eric sounded sincere. Leo was struck. But the diabolical influencer had to say another thing, though. “So you have no standards, then? Anything goes as long as the person is happy?”

Isakawa gave him a prim smile. “Not exactly no standards, though I can see where you’re coming from.” He tilted his head in thought. “One thing I think about, is how our lives are entwined with other people’s, whether we like them or not. Generally, if other people are happy, we will be, too. So I would keep other people’s happiness in mind.”

Leo’s brow furrowed, sensing a possible trap. “Why should I expend my energy to make people happy if I don’t care about them?”

“Good question,” Eric rejoined, unfazed. “Rationally, you shouldn’t spend your energy on something if it doesn't benefit you. But what if it does benefit you?” He gave Leo a graceful smile. “You’re a businessman, so I'm sure you’ve heard of win-win solutions.”

Leo snorted, and ran a hand through his hair. “Win-win solutions will only get you so much money. You’ll stay poor if you keep worrying about benefiting the other party.”

“Is that true?” Eric asked, his tone like a curious cat’s. “I’m pretty sure some of the biggest businesses, and richest people, profited a ton out of supportive partnerships.”

Kurosagi Leo smirked. “Are they really supportive? Or just exploitative?”

A crease appeared in Eric’s brow, and Leo felt a surge of triumph. He finally found the chink in his therapist’s armor.

Yet, just as Leo was about to jump in and claim his victory, Eric’s face cleared, his positive mood restored. “Okay, I think I understand what’s going on now. Do you feel like we are exploiting each other?”

“Huh?” Leo was taken aback by how direct Eric was. The influencer felt some grudging respect for Eric’s boldness. Leo said in a blithe tone, “Well, this is a business transaction. You get paid. I get services. We both benefit. That’s what you’d call win-win, wouldn't you?”

Eric placed a hand on his chin. In that second, Eric reminded him of Sho, in his prettiest moments, and Leo felt his heart break all over again. Eric said, “Is a business transaction, where one party pays money and the other party receives a service, exploitative, by your definition?”

“What do you mean?” Leo challenged; he leant forward in a provocative posture.

Eric sighed, and brushed a strand of teal hair from his forehead. “What I’m saying is, maybe we’re not using the term ‘exploitative’ in the same way. Hence why we have trouble understanding each other. Could you please give me your definition of exploitation?”

At first, Leo wanted to refuse. Why should he give his therapist what he wanted? Yet, some weird feeling roiled in him; maybe it was how Eric’s strand of hair made him think of Sho’s, of how glossy it was especially after a shower. Hmph.

A long time ago, way before he met Alan, Leo had a low key crush on his best friend Sho. Not that Leo had ever told him. The feelings dissipated anyway, and Leo found himself drawn to Alan. And Sho of course became drawn to Subaru.

A twinge of bitter sweetness, of pleasure and pain, rose to the surface. In the end, Leo sighed, gave up the fight, and decided to be nice for once. “To me, exploitation means being an asshole. Being unfair and taking advantage of the other person.”

Eric, damn him, looked glad. “That fits with my definition as well. Do you feel like either of us are doing that? Being assholes, unfair, and taking advantage of the other person?”

The earnestness in his therapist’s eyes, would have been funny if Leo didn’t suddenly feel stumped. Gee, that trip down memory lane about Sho didn’t help his concentration at all. Screw Sho. Who needed him anyway? A wave of sadness washed over him nevertheless.

Subaru’s peace offering of getting Sho and Leo back together, had honestly been tantalizing. But Leo was too smart to fall for such tricks. No matter how much it sucked, Leo had to cut that hope off. Hurt them before they hurt you, was Leo’s mantra.

A hot tightness trembled in Leo’s frame. He was momentarily silenced, so wrapped up in his mind.

“Leo, are you okay?”

The influencer blinked out of his trance, and scowled. “Shut up!”

When he saw Eric’s shocked face, Leo felt no satisfaction, to his surprise. He was mad at Sho and Subaru, after all. Eric was just a hapless outsider. If Leo were a better man, he would have apologized. But he was Leo the devil, as they all said. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Honestly I think you’re too naive to exploit me.”

“Oh? I’m naive?” Eric looked genuinely bewildered, but not offended.

Leo leaned back against the couch again and grinned. “Yes. You’re not as bad as my cap, but you’re not someone like Tohma.”

It struck Leo a second later that he had just paid his therapist a compliment. But thankfully, Eric wouldn’t know that.

Chapter Text

“Leo?” Alan’s voice echoed as he knocked on his bedroom door.

Leo Kurosagi lay on his bed, his arms outstretched. He closed his eyes as soft music played from his headphones. The influencer wanted to tell Alan to go away. But his Cap would probably get concerned and barge in regardless.

With much reluctance, he yanked himself out of bed and strutted to the door. Leo narrowed his eyes like a cat’s when he beheld his himbo standing there, with his arms crossed.

Alan blinked with bewilderment. “What happened? You’ve been in your room for hours, and didn’t come out for dinner.”

The influencer avoided his Captain's glance. “Not like Sho can stand the sight of me anyways.”

Alan stepped into his room, and closed the door behind him. “Is that what this is? But you’ve been eating with me and Bandana these past two weeks.”

“Yeah, it totally isn’t awkward when my ex-best friend talks loudly to you and completely ignores me, even if I ask him questions.”

Alan winced. Then he stepped into Leo’s personal space. “Can I hold you?”

Leo pouted. “You can talk to me without touching me.”

The Vagastrom captain dropped his arms. “Sorry. I'm not very good at comforting people.”

“Then don’t,” Leo snapped, and turned his face away. Distantly, Leo knew he was barking at the wrong person. But Alan was safe…if anyone could understand, it would be him, right?

Yet, Alan, that stupid himbo, swerved to the other side so they were face to face again. “You don't have to tell me what you spoke to your therapist about today. But I can guess that something shifted. Can you tell me what’s wrong, or how I can make you feel better?”

Leo was about to say that Alan could help by shutting up. But at the last second, Leo changed his mind and laughed. “If you want to make me feel better, then fuck me.”

It was hilarious—and sad—how Alan’s face turned bright red. “No, Leo, not this again.”

The influencer snorted. “Hey, if you actually have a problem getting it up, I don’t mind. I'm creative and flexible with these things.”

With dismay, Alan said, “No…it has nothing to do with that. I don’t feel ready for sex right now, but can we cuddle?”

Leo raised an eyebrow, but enjoyed the bit of power he had in that moment. “Oh? I don’t need a cuddle. Are you asking for yourself?”

Alan furrowed his brows. “Yeah, I'm asking for me. Um, can I hold you in bed?”

“Wth our clothes off?” Leo prodded.

Alan shook his head furiously. “Clothes on, please, sorry.”

“Well, it was worth a shot,” Leo said with a grin. He still felt miserable over Sho, but it was a fun, welcome distraction to rile Alan up. And despite Leo’s standoffishness earlier, he wasn't opposed to Alan touching him. Not at all.

The two settled on the bed, awkward at first, with their clothes still on. But Alan’s arms came around him, and Leo nestled his head on his lover’s chest. Alan began stroking his hair, and Leo made a sound of contentment.

This was the life. No, it didn’t make Leo’s problems go away, but he felt less desperate inside, and grew calmer.

“What are you thinking about?” Alan whispered.

Leo frowned but was glad that Alan was still caressing his hair. “How were your past relationships like?” he blurted out.

The other man stiffened, and stopped brushing Leo’s hair. His voice came out in a low rumble. “Why do you ask?”

Leo sputtered, though there was a bitter ache in him. “There’s no need to be so wary. I was just curious. We never talked about our past relationships before. Well, I remember you saying that you didn’t have good boundaries with your exes, right?”

Alan let out a tired exhale. “Do we have to talk about them?”

Leo shrugged, which was a bit hard to do, since he was still in Alan’s embrace. “I want to know.”

“How come?” inquired Alan.

Leo snorted, annoyed that his himbo captain had to make him spell things out as always. “I want to know how I fit in your world. What place do I have in your life?”

Like magic, Alan’s muscles relaxed. In a softened voice, he asked, “Is that what you’re getting at? Are you worried that I don't value you?”

“It’s hard to tell with you,” Leo admitted.

The Vagastrom captain was silent for a few seconds. “Leo, I don’t know what doubts you have about yourself, but you are important to me. I want you in my life.”

“You don’t think I’m petty and demonic?” Leo asked, even as Alan’s words warmed him.

“You certainly can be petty and demonic, but I don’t care. I—I still like you anyway,” Alan concluded.

Leo laughed, finding the whole situation funny despite everything. “If you like me already the way I am, then how would I be motivated to change?”

Alan paused again, but his fingers came back up to stroke his hair, more gently and with more hesitation than before. “If you’re asking me what’s the point of therapy, well, the point isn’t to change yourself. Rather, it’s about finding better ways to meet your goals, to be happy. Change is only a part of it. It’s like how I want to get better at communicating with people through words, so I’m learning to articulate myself more, even if it’s hard.”

Leo hummed into Alan’s chest. He felt substantially calmer now than he was a while ago. He wanted Alan to hold him in bed like this more often. This time, Leo was the one who paused before speaking. “Communication is hard. Eric and I were talking about boundaries. He said that it was about being equals in the relationship. What do you think of that?”

Alan made a wondering noise. “I hadn’t thought of boundaries in that way, but yes. When you have boundaries, you have rules that both people agree to. Nobody gets unfairly pushed or taken advantage of.” He squeezed Leo a little tighter. “You don’t feel that we’re equals?”

The concern in Alan’s voice almost made Leo laugh. “I don't know,” Leo teased. “With you being my captain and upperclassman and all…”

Alan groaned. “Those are just titles and roles. Surely we won’t let them get in the way of our relationship?”

Pleased, Leo snuggled even more against Alan’s body, feeling way too comfortable. “Of course not. Maybe therapy won't be that bad, after all.” Leo couldn't believe what just came out of his mouth. But he quickly clarified, “Not that I’m gungho about therapy, but Eric seems—more open to talking with honesty than I expected.”

“Oh? If he weren’t willing to talk honestly with you, he would do a poor job as a therapist,” stated Alan in a matter-of-fact way.

Leo laughed. Even after some months of therapy, Alan still had an innocent outlook on people, but Leo didn’t want that to change. It was one of Alan’s charms. His naivety was such a big contrast to Leo’s cynicism and world-weariness. “Well, I’ve heard of therapists being less than honorable and sometimes outright deceptive towards their clients,” Leo explained. “Some are shameless scumbags.”

Alan’s voice rumbled down again, “I’m glad Eric isn’t like that. How can one be a therapist if they’re unwilling to be truthful with their clients?”

Leo chuckled. “Not everyone is as honest as you.” Alan didn’t reply to that. So Leo continued, “Cap, there's something else I haven’t told you yet. Right before I went to my appointment, I bumped into Subaru. He told me that he, heh, didn’t actually want Sho to stop being friends with me. He just wanted Sho to set ‘healthier’ boundaries with me.”

“Oh,” Alan said.

“Yes, oh,” Leo replied. “Subaru claimed that Sho is hurting from this and misses me. But he doesn't want to be friends anyway because he’s sick of me.” Leo was proud of himself that his voice didn’t break.

Alan exuded a long breath of air, and started rubbing circles on Leo’s back. Leo could get used to this. “Bandana is…”

“Is what?” Leo demanded with impatience.

Alan groaned, and shuffled so he could hold Leo better. “The few times I tried to talk to him about you, he would brush me off, change the subject, or simply say that he didn’t want to talk about it. But I can see it too, the way he ignores and avoids you. It’s like he’s determined to prove something.”

Leo made a disgusted noise. “He’s got nothing to prove,” the influencer whispered. “He’s worthless.”

“You don’t mean that,” came Alan’s gruff voice.

“I do, actually,” Leo insisted. “If he wants to make his own way, far from my toxic influence, then good for him. I don’t need him, either. I don't care about him.” That feeling in his chest tightened again, even when he was in the comfort of Alan’s arms.

Alan tugged the blanket up around Leo’s shoulders. “Yes, it’s Bandana’s choice who he wants to be friends with. But I wish he could at least talk to you, as fellow students at Vagastrom.”

Leo made a rude grumble. “If he’s going to speak to me like we’re strangers, I’d rather he ice me out altogether and not speak at all.”

“If that’s what you want,” Alan murmured.

A silence stretched between them, and the blankets grew uncomfortably hot. Leo pushed against Alan’s chest, and Alan thankfully took the hint and let him go. But when the Vagastrom captain sat up to leave, Leo gripped his arm. “Wait. Lie back down with me. Maybe no cuddling for now, but we can lie side by side. We’ll pretend we’re watching stars.”

If they used Leo’s projector that he sometimes used for his videos, he could even project a picture of stars up on his ceiling.

Alan laughed. “But don’t you want food? I can bring some to you if you like.”

“Ooh, dinner in bed? Tempting, but no.” Leo got up with resignation. “My room’s getting stuffy anyway. Let’s head to the kitchen. Sho’s probably gone by now.”

The Vagastrom captain made a grim face again. “Do you want me to talk to Bandana? I didn’t push the issue at the time, but—”

“But what?” Leo couldn't help but quip. “Would you fight him for me, beat him up in the sparring ring?”

Alan winced. “I meant verbally. We already spar enough that it wouldn't faze him.”

“Ugh,” Leo groaned. “Just forget about it. If Sho doesn’t want to talk or even think about me, I'm not going to ask you to help me get through to him, either. If Subaru wasn't lying that Sho missed me, then the ball is in his court to reach out to me. I already tried to talk to him multiple times and was ignored every time. I'm not going to bother anymore.”

Alan nodded resolutely as he got to the door, and opened it for Leo. “All right. He likely needs more time to think things through, too.”

Leo grunted without replying as he pushed past his captain out of his room.

***

Sho was indeed nowhere to be found in the kitchen, to Leo’s relief. A few Vagastrom general students tossed them some odd looks. But Leo shot them a sharp glare, and they all scrambled out of the kitchen.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Alan said, his lips tight.

Leo snapped his head back to face him. “Do what? Gesture for them to leave when they’re being rude?”

Alan was unmovable. “They were just curious, not rude.”

Leo threw up his hands. “Well, I don’t understand why you agreed to date me if you think I’m just some unreasonable asshole.”

Alan blinked, and reached his hands across the kitchen table. “I never said you were an unreasonable asshole. I simply pointed out that you might have misinterpreted their intentions.”

Alan’s outstretched hands were conciliatory, but Leo’s pride got the better of him. He gave a mocking laugh and pointed at his plate. “What? You want some of my spaghetti? I sprayed killer sauce all over it.”

The other man withdrew his hands then, and wore a bemused smile. “No, I’m good.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Anyway, I agreed to date you because I like you, not because you’re always right about other people’s intentions.”

That sounded like such a mouthful, especially from Alan, that Leo blinked for a moment, before narrowing his eyes. “So you’re saying you find me attractive but stupid?”

Alan looked aggrieved, and he mopped a hand over his face. “No, that wasn't what I meant. I’m just saying, I could disagree with you on some things, yet still like you and want to be with you.”

In a way, those words were soothing. Yet, Leo still felt uncertain. He shoved some spicy meatballs into his mouth, finished them, and said, “Huh. We’ve never talked about this before, but what exactly do you like about me anyway? Everyone calls me a demon. You’re not one of my TikTok fans, so you already know how I’m really like. Yet you still claim that you want to be with me.” Leo made his tone of voice as barbed as he could, to mask the anxiety inside of him.

Alan’s eyes softened. “Leo…I’ve asked myself this, too. I can see you’re very smart, capable of many things, and willing to put in the work when it matters. But I don’t think that’s why.”

Leo’s eyes widened, curiosity piqued. “Then why?”

Alan pondered more deeply. “It’s hard to explain. It just feels—good to be around you. Even when you drive me crazy, I still like seeing you and talking to you, for some reason.”

Leo rolled his eyes, though his heart was thumping heavily. “Wow, what a romantic speech. Makes a guy feel like a million bucks.”

His himbo laughed. “Sorry, I’m sure a poet could express it better. Even after some months of therapy, I’m still a simple and straightforward guy. Not that good at putting words to feelings, though I try.” He made a shy smile, then he frowned again. “Are you okay, Leo?”

The influencer tapped his fork on the bare plate, where he had cleaned off some of the spaghetti. Alas. His own cooked spaghetti wasn’t nearly as good as Sho’s, but it was too bad. “I'm fine. Relationships are…” He just shrugged, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Alan leaned forward in his chair. People who didn’t know him would find this intimidating, but Leo didn’t, and not just because Alan was a cute himbo. “Hey, it’s okay not to get it all at once, you know? We can take it step by step, and learn as we go. As long as you trust me.”

Leo raised an eyebrow at that. “Do you trust me?” he asked.

Alan nodded, a simple and certain reaction.

“But why?” Leo demanded. “Why do you trust me, when you know I'm capable of so many bad things?”

“You sure are asking a lot of why questions today,” Alan remarked with amusement. “But I'm glad to see it. I can’t promise that I’ll always have the answers, but I believe we can get through this together. Hmm, I trust you because—I’m not sure why either.”

At Leo’s scowl, Alan laughed and said, “I didn’t mean that as a criticism. I mean that it’s like the reason why I like you. I'm not sure it’s something I can describe in words, at least not with my current verbal skills. I feel…good and safe with you. Even when I know you’ve got something up your sleeve, I don’t believe that you would want to seriously hurt me, at least not anymore.”

Leo chuckled despite himself, his food all but forgotten. “Not anymore?”

Alan grinned sheepishly. Shy Cap was adorable. “Well, I was wary of you before. But over time, you proved to be worthy of my trust and faith. Yes, even when you were messing around, I saw that you were still on my side. Even if I didn’t agree with your decisions, I could see that you were trying to help, in your own way.”

“Wow, what a speech,” Leo said sardonically. He glanced down but couldn't conceal the little smile that curled up his lips. It was too funny to see Alan fumble with his words like this. Maybe one reason why Leo was so attracted to Alan, was precisely because Alan wasn’t good at using his words to paint pictures and manipulate feelings. Unlike some people.

***

Before long, Leo’s spaghetti was done, but he didn’t want to go back to his room. He kept bantering with Alan instead.

At some point, Alan remarked, “You can be sarcastic all you want, Leo. But I know, deep down, that you don’t mean most of the things you say.”

The influencer glared daggers at him. But Alan looked back at him with a calm gaze. Leo said, “Huh, so you think you know my mind better than I do?”

The Vagastrom captain shook his head, his lips pursed. “Of course I don’t. At the same time, I’ve learned from therapy that we all have our blind spots. I do, too. Sometimes it’s easier for someone else to see something, precisely because they’re not you. From what I see, you have so much good in you, but you keep blocking people off from seeing it. Maybe it’s scary to show people that you have a warmer and more caring side.”

“Me? A warm and caring side?” Leo snorted and folded his arms. “Are you sure you aren’t just seeing what you hope to see?” His breath hitched. “Will you be disappointed when you realize that I don’t actually have a caring side?”

His himbo, frustrating as always, pressed on, “No. Because it’s clear to me that it’s there. We all have our dark and light sides. Most people try to hide their dark sides. But you hide your light side.”

Leo laughed, feeling uneasy and like he was cornered. “What light side? I'm just a mean devil.”

“You’re not a mean devil, Leo,” Alan insisted. “At least not all the time. I wish you could have a higher opinion of yourself.”

Kurosagi Leo made a pouty face. “I wish I could already be enough for you now.”

Alan’s eyes widened, then he hastily said, “You are enough for me. Otherwise I would never have agreed to a relationship with you.”

Leo was still sullen, yet…He could feel it. There was a part of him that wanted to rage, to hiss at everyone, including and especially those close to him. Yet there was another part behind it that wanted to climb out, and do…what? Leo didn’t want to give it the light of day, though. It made him too uncomfortable. But regardless of how much Leo rejected that part hidden beneath his defenses, it still impacted him so much and made him miserable.

The Vice Captain of Vagastrom let out a huge sigh. “This is too much for me, Cap. It’s too much to ask me to get into.”

The disappointment in Alan’s eyes was too palpable, but Alan gave him a small smile. “Okay. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. Thanks for hearing me out.”

Leo just nodded. It was weird how unsettled he felt. He felt safe with Alan, but not with this topic.

Dating someone he genuinely liked was harder than Leo thought. He wanted to please his lover, but it didn't take much for Leo’s spindly side to come out. Why were relationships so impossible?

The good thing was that Alan seemed patient. Leo hated how Alan clearly wanted more from him, but Leo just couldn't offer it to him, at least not yet. Was this how Alan felt about sex?

At that comparison, Leo laughed.

Alan shot him a bewildered glance. “What?”

Leo giggled. “This is about our comfort levels, right? You’re obviously more familiar with therapy things, since you’ve been going for a few months, while I’ve just started. Meanwhile, you're not as comfortable with sex as I am.” At Alan’s slightly narrowed eyes, Leo chuckled more brightly. “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, don’t worry. I was just making an analogy. We both have our limits.”

Alan’s brow smoothed. “Okay. Yeah, you can take your time. Again, I’m sorry if I rushed things.” He made that cute sheepish face again that made him look like a teddy bear.

Leo gazed back with a satisfied smirk. It was nice to get Cap off his back. Even if the influencer knew, deep down, that Alan only pushed because he thought Leo was worth his while. It was like how some people only wanted to fuck people they cared about.

Leo frowned at the thought. Hmm, maybe that was what had been on his mind, every time Alan rejected his advances.

“What are you thinking of now?” came Alan’s curious voice.

Leo groaned. He wasn't the best at concealing his feelings on his face, was he? But he was in an honest mood, so he answered, “I’m thinking that sex means something different for different people. Some people only screw those they care about. So maybe I thought—”

“Oh,” Alan said, and blinked. “I hope you didn’t think—”

The influencer shook his head. “No, no, I get it. I’m not that fragile. I don’t seriously think that you…ugh, it’s so hard to say these things.”

So Alan said it for him. “You didn’t seriously think that I was uninterested in you? Just because I don’t want to sleep with you yet?”

Leo Kurosagi grinned like a cat. “Yeah. I admit that I’m not used to men, even gorgeous men, say no to having sex with me, unless they’re straight, of course. But I know that with you, it’s different. Sex isn’t just some fun game you can play with anyone you find pretty.”

The Vagastrom captain gave a dry laugh. “Yeah, sex isn't just light entertainment for me. No offense to those who do see sex as a leisurely activity.”

“No offense taken,” Leo said with a smile. “You’re honestly the first guy I dated who I sincerely like, beyond just looks. So, the idea of sex meaning something more than just fun and games, is new to me too. We’re like polar opposites in that way.” Alan nodded grimly. Leo continued, before this conversation could take a depressing turn, “At the same time, I see now that you’re not the type to eagerly jump into bed, just to show your partner how much you cherish them. Maybe I—had misread that.”

Alan sighed. “Sorry. Yeah my willingness or unwillingness to have sex, has nothing to do with how much I cherish you. I hope I didn’t come off as cold or distant, since that’s not how I feel about you at all.”

A warm, floaty feeling flooded Leo’s chest at those words. His smile became genuine. “Great! I do like physical affection, though. It doesn't have to be sex. But can we touch, kiss, and hug more? Maybe even cuddle like we did earlier?”

Alan’s shoulders relaxed at that. “Yes! We can do all of that. In fact, I feel like we’re both better with physical affection than with sweet words, to be frank.”

Leo laughed, agreeing wholeheartedly. He was already excited at the prospect of getting more hugs and kisses from Alan.

Chapter Text

“Tiris!”

Leo watched as Romeo wreaked havoc with his stigma—a pack of crispy noodles exploded into fireworks!

The influencer laughed and clapped his hands. “You’re so much more fun than Sho-Chan. Sho wouldn’t set off fireworks with me anymore, the coward.”

Leo and Romeo sat on the side of a wharf. They were being “safe and responsible,” by setting the fireworks off at the ocean, where minimal people could get hurt.

The Sinostra vice captain laughed with a wave of his fair hand. “Haizono was always a little uptight.” Romeo furrowed his brow. “I’m sorry, though, Kurossa. I would be livid if my BTH ever ditched me like that. So ungrateful.”

Leo nodded sombrely, watching the pretty fireworks break through the sky, under the setting sun. “Thanks. Hoshibami is a lot of things, but he’s not disloyal.” Leo crumpled the candy wrapper he had been holding; the spicy candy bar was only a tickle to his taste buds, unfortunately.

The casino owner sighed and stretched his fingers. “Well, how is Mido doing?”

At the mention of Alan, Leo felt his face light up with a smile. “He’s being a dumb himbo as usual.”

Romeo chuckled. “You really do love him.”

Leo grinned. It was always so pleasant to talk to Romeo. Leo didn’t have to say anything nice, and Ro-Ro already knew what he meant. The influencer said, “Yeah he gets lost a lot, and never improves in his tech skills.” Leo laughed. “But I—” He coughed, covering up his discomfort. “But he has a cute enough face, I guess, so I could stick around.”

Romeo shot him a knowing side-eye. “He’s TUS?”

That was short for Too Unbelievably Stupid. Leo snickered. “Absolutely.” He dangled his legs above the sparkling water of the ocean. It did strike him that he was insulting Alan’s intelligence, all while a happy warmth spread through his chest. “Who’s dumber, I wonder? My Cap or yours?”

Romeo lifted an elegant brow. He snorted. “Mine is a little stupider. At least your captain thinks before he hits. That BTH keeps shooting without warning, no matter how many times I told him to watch it, ugh.”

Leo Kurosagi was amused at their comparison of Alan to Taiga. “What would our captains do without us?”

“They would die, no doubt,” Romeo asserted with confidence. “Thank goodness they have us.”

“Yes.” That warmth in Leo’s chest radiated. “No matter what, that silly himbo has me.”

***

By the time the next therapy session came along, Leo was in a splendid mood.

After his long talk with Alan the other day, his Captain allowed him into his bed. Well, with clothes on and no fooling around. Just holding each other.

Leo enjoyed laying his head on Alan’s chest, while Alan wrapped his arms around his body and held him tight. Despite their communication problems, Leo liked that they could rely on physical touch. Especially when Alan carded his fingers through Leo’s hair. The simple physical affection made him feel so comfortable and good.

Yesterday’s talk with Romeo was validating, too. Most people misunderstood poor Ro-Ro. But the Sinostra vice captain was reliable and smart, and knew how to cheer Leo up. It was affirming to talk about their relationships together, with Hoshibami and Alan. Both Romeo and Leo loved their idiots way too much.

Now, Leo was at Eric Isakawa’s office, with a spring in his step. Eric gazed up with a friendly smile as usual; this time, oddly, Leo felt less guarded. Maybe he was getting used to his therapist.

As the influencer settled down on his preferred couch, Eric said, “You look especially cheerful today, Leo!”

“And is that a problem?” Leo asked, though there was no bite to his words.

Eric shook his head. “No. I’m just curious if you would like to share what made you happy.”

Normally, Leo would have sniped back by now, but he felt relaxed and pleased today. So he leaned back and answered, “I had a big talk with Alan, after our last session.” Leo stared up at the ceiling, gauging how much he wanted to reveal. He clicked his tongue. “We talked about boundaries, and what we’re each willing to do.” He made a cat-like smirk. “Alan doesn’t want sex for now, but we can kiss and cuddle.”

The influencer didn’t want to tell his therapist about his sex life (or the lack thereof). But he wanted to know how prudish Eric might be.

Eric, damn him, seemed unflustered as always, as if they were talking about the weather. “Oh? You seem happy, but not completely, is that right?”

At that, Leo scowled. Ugh, of course his therapist would say something like that. So darn probing. Leo replied, “Well, I don’t know how it’s like for you when you have a partner, but of course I would be a bit disappointed that I don’t get to have sex with him, at least not yet.”

Eric rested his head on his hand, looking pensive. “Yeah…To be clear, it’s okay to have mixed feelings, to enjoy what you have, yet also wish for more.”

Leo jutted out his chin. “But isn’t that wrong, though? Demon as I am, I do know that no means no.”

His therapist shot him a look. “I agree that no means no. Why do you keep calling yourself a demon, by the way?”

The influencer glared at him. “Because I am and I’m not afraid to own it.”

His therapist crossed his legs. “I suppose not all demons are bad, then. I thought demons didn’t care about consent at all, let alone sexual consent.”

Leo sighed dramatically. “Well, I’m a demon who does care about sexual consent. For the record, even demons have standards, though different standards.”

“Yes, and the demon you made a pact with was Shax?” Eric asked with a seemingly innocent tone.

“Yeah, so?” Leo had mentioned this in passing during his intake session, but never thought Eric would bring it up.

Eric shook a strand of turquoise hair from his forehead. “Maybe I’m a pedantic guy, but you’re a ghoul, not a demon. Shax is the demon.”

“Not sure why you need to press this point,” Leo said haughtily.

“If you want us to change the subject, please do say so. I just wanted to point out that—maybe you put yourself down a bit too much, Leo. What do you think?” Eric asked.

It felt like a strange air current was going through Leo’s chest, as if something was threatening to break. “Well, of course I’m not literally a demon. I wouldn’t need to eat or drink or sleep if I were. But my personality is diabolic. Lots of people call me a demon, because I behave like one. In fact, they say I’m even worse than than the demon I made a pact with!”

“And you’re proud of that reputation, right?” Eric prodded gently.

Leo glanced down at his fingers, rubbing them together. “Not sure if it’s pride for acknowledging that they’re right.”

“Hmmm, Leo, if you don’t mind indulging my curiosity, what exactly do you do that makes you even worse than Shax?” Eric asked.

Leo heaved a long breath. Once again, his therapist was asking him to explain the obvious! He replied, “Didn’t I already make that clear? I manipulate and use people without any qualms. I hurt people to get what I want. I’m also, according to some, controlling and possessive. Don’t those sound demonic to you?”

Eric put a finger on his chin. “Maybe it’s because I’m a therapist, but the behaviors you just described, sound like common human behaviors. Or ghoul behaviors, in your case.”

Leo folded his arms. “So?”

“So,” Eric continued, “they seem like normal human things to me, not demon things.”

At that, Leo burst out laughing, though it was a dry sort of laughter. “Is this some sort of trick? What are you trying to get at, Eric?”

Eric gave him a flat smile. “I’m saying that with the word ‘demon,’ it implies that you have no free will, like you’re stuck doing things because you believe that’s all you can do. It’s one thing if you wholeheartedly want to do them. It’s another if you do them just because other people expect you to act that way, as if your freedom of choice got restricted by other people’s opinions.”

“Huh?” Leo said, aghast and annoyed. “More tricks. What are you up to?” He narrowed his cat-like eyes.

Eric sighed and took a sip of water. “To tell you the truth, Leo, I’ve never believed in moralizing about what’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behavior. Because moral standards are controlled by those in power, and there are cultural differences, too. What’s right or wrong, depends on the person’s situation.”

Leo cast him a dubious look but allowed him to continue.

So Eric went on, “In my opinion, the person will use their best judgment to decide what to do, given their circumstances and abilities. What’s tough, though, is when you do something not because you think it’s the best option, but because you’re stuck and can’t move away from an unideal option.”

“Huh,” Leo said with a huff, still suspicious. “Is this some therapy mind warp?”

Eric chuckled. “I assure you that it’s not. I’ll give you some examples of ‘morals’ that society has created. We talked about how some people think homosexuality is wrong. Similar attitudes go towards premarital sex, polyamory, contraception, and having children outside of wedlock. Some people believe that these things are absolutely immoral, but I frankly disagree with them. These examples and more, make me think that it’s better to use our own brain to decide what’s right, rather than to blindly believe what others tell us.”

Leo folded his hands together, pensive. It shocked him how daring Eric was, to throw out a ton of controversial issues and state his stance. Not what he expected a therapist to do, though perhaps Eric was braver (or more reckless) than the average therapist. He suddenly reminded Leo of Taiga Hoshibami, with his willingness to gamble.

The influencer smirked. “Hmm, okay, you’ve got good points there. I’ve heard of moral relativity too. It’s like how a very poor person might ‘steal’ bread from a bakery, but they’re just desperate and shouldn’t be judged so severely.”

Eric nodded with satisfaction. “That’s right.”

“Are you an anarchist and don’t believe in conventional moral rules?” Leo asked with a laugh.

Eric grinned. “Perhaps.”

“Then what’s all this to do with me calling myself a demon, and with my supposed lack of free will because I’m listening to other people’s opinions?” Leo questioned.

Eric didn't miss a beat. “I just wonder if you’re stuck somewhere and can’t get out. No judgment. It’s not easy. Since you came to me for help in your relationships, you’re probably looking for more effective ways to do things, so you can get what you want more successfully, right?”

Leo leaned back, really not used to speaking with someone like Eric. The therapist was getting at something, yet he didn’t give off the snake-like vibe that Tohma did. Maybe Eric just had trouble communicating. The thought made Leo snicker. “You don’t need to beat around the bush, Eric. Whatever you want to say to me, say it. I promise I won’t bite.”

Eric let out a short, sharp laugh. “Ok, I see how I probably came off as too indirect. It’s more because I want to be clear and not create any misunderstandings, since these things are so easy to misunderstand. To me, you came here for help achieving a goal that you currently can’t reach. So I will do everything in my power to help you reach that goal. This includes finding any stuck points, bottle necks, that might be getting in your way.”

Leo frowned. “So you think that calling myself a demon, is one of those bottle necks and stuck points?”

“Yes,” Eric affirmed with a nod. “In therapy, we have something where you cling onto a role that people put you in. Maybe this role helped you in the past, but now you see that you are more than this role. We are all more than just parts in a play. We have the freedom to choose what to be. We don’t have to conform to whatever box we have put ourselves in.”

Leo brushed his bangs away from his ear, and played with his silver earring. “I can't believe you’re saying that I put myself in a box, as if I would ever restrict my own freedom.” He chuckled, but he felt uneasy inside.

Eric nodded again. “It’s hard to see unless you’re an outside observer, and if you’re paying attention. We all have the freedom to choose what we want to be. If you genuinely just want to be a demon, that’s fine. But I get the sense that a demon, is just a role, a mask, which was helpful to you before, but is now harder to work with.”

Leo lifted a fine eyebrow. “You saying that Alan would never love a demon like me?” Despite his bold words, Leo’s chest tightened.

But Eric shook his head vigorously. “No, that’s not what I meant. I can tell that Alan clearly does love you. He wouldn’t date you otherwise. However—”

“However what?” Leo snapped with impatience.

Eric seemed to enjoy dragging it out, though. He paused before speaking, “However, you also told me about Sho—”

“Ugh, who cares about that loser? I don’t need him,” Leo asserted in a steely, but brittle tone.

Eric nodded in apparent sympathy. “Yeah. I hear you.” After a brief quiet, he continued, “What happened with Sho? How come he wanted to leave, if you don’t mind sharing?”

Leo gritted his teeth. Every word felt like a stab from a knife. He was about to say that he did mind sharing. But he figured that Eric would just circle back to the question at some point, being the nosy therapist he was. So Leo inhaled a deep breath and said, “Sho claimed that I was a narcissistic sociopath.” He watched Eric closely for his reaction.

Eric’s eyes dimmed and his mouth pushed into a thin line. “What a harsh thing to say.”

The influencer laughed, feeling like a maniac. “So you don’t agree with him?”

Eric creased his brows. “In my opinion, labels have power. Unfortunately, while some labels can be helpful to understand things, some other times, they do more harm than good.”

“Wow, cool lecture on labels,” Leo replied in as dispassionate a tone as he could.

Eric was unfazed as always. “Thank you. I do believe that. ‘Narcissistic’ and ‘sociopath’ are terms people throw around so easily, and they’re treated like pure evil. They’re also very unhelpful when it comes to improving relationships. How do you build a good relationship when you assume the other person is a villain?”

Leo gave him another look through narrowed eyes. “What is evil to you anyway? You said I don’t sound like a demon per se, and that you see humans do things I do all the time. It’s like nothing really bothers you, and you accept anything.”

Eric chuckled and brushed his hair away from his face again. “To me, ‘evil’ is such a subjective, vague term. I’d rather know what exactly the person did and said, rather than to believe an accusation without asking further questions. Sometimes, it’s just about someone having a different but harmless belief that they don’t like.”

Huh, his therapist was hard to puzzle out, as he didn’t have a clear side. Leo said, “Okay, so what evil means depends on the person. But what does evil mean to you personally?”

Even though Leo tried to corner Eric, the therapist seemed undaunted still. He said blithely, “When I was younger, I saw evil as when someone hurts others intentionally. But nowadays, I see that even ‘hurt’ depends on the context. For instance, if you’re a soldier attacking an enemy soldier, of course you’re hurting someone, but it’s debatable whether that act of violence is okay or not. Is everybody in the military bad?”

It was such an odd path they had wandered down. Leo chuckled. “Can’t believe we’re talking about the military now, out of all things. I don’t have any interest in joining the army.”

“Neither do I,” Eric responded with a smile. “Well, even when you go on a mission, you have to fight enemies and hurt them, right? But who’s to say that you’re being good or bad?”

Leo sucked in a breath. “You know, Alan has a whole thing about this. For a guy who’s so good at fighting, he really hates hurting people, even when they clearly deserve it. Once, we encountered a completely malicious anomaly, which was posing as the ghost of a dead livestreamer. Alan still hesitated for the longest time before he let himself hit it. And he only hit the anomaly because a colleague was in trouble. Afterwards, Alan felt guilty about ‘losing control' and hitting that clearly evil anomaly.”

That Takeru case felt like a lifetime ago. He did find it strange why Alan had to feel guilty about beating up a malicious entity that wasn’t even human. But Alan was a mystery sometimes and he often had different beliefs from Leo.

Eric rubbed his arm, and looked oddly vulnerable. But for once, Leo didn’t want to take advantage of his lapse; he wanted to see what other trick Eric had up his sleeve. The therapist said, “Mmm, yes, that’s an excellent example. Alan Mido was also the guy rumored to have killed someone and gone to juvie, right?”

“You’re really blunt.” Leo grimaced.

Eric let out an embarrassed chuckle. “I am, I’m sorry. Well, I’ve heard rumors from the Darkwick campus, but I’m not one to easily believe rumors. What really happened?”

Leo considered whether he should tell Eric. It was Alan’s personal life, after all, not Leo’s. Even if Eric was obliged to keep confidentiality. At last, Leo settled on, “He got into some trouble, true, but rumors are just rumors.” He smiled, signaling for Eric to stop prying.

Isakawa nodded. “Just as I suspected. Whatever trouble Alan had, I’m sure he has a more complex understanding of good and evil, that it’s not so black and white and absolute.”

Leo pressed his head back on the couch, sighing. “Yeah this is all very philosophical, about what’s good and bad, and whether I’m a demon and all that. Can we get back to the original topic? About Alan not wanting to have sex yet?”

Chapter Text

In a fit of frustration, Leo said to Eric, “Yeah this is all very philosophical, about what’s good and bad, and whether I’m a demon and all that. Can we get back to the original topic? About Alan not wanting to have sex yet?”

If someone in a different setting wanted to talk about moral philosophy, Leo might have been interested. But he didn’t want to be the subject of the discussion.

It was much better to talk about something more concrete and immediate.

Isakawa spoke up again, “No problem. So, how are you feeling about it? You said that you’re a little disappointed you don’t get to have sex with Alan yet. But you also care about sexual consent, and understand that no means no. Is that all?”

Leo’s eyes dilated a bit. “What do you mean is that all? Isn’t that all there is?”

As usual, Eric wasn’t offended and laughed off Leo’s jibe again. “My apologies. I should have been clearer. Since you wanted to talk about this topic, I assumed there were other thoughts you wanted to bring up regarding it.”

Leo Kurosagi sulked for a bit, folding his arms over his chest. “Hmph. All right, I’ll concede that. And before you ask, no, I’m not desperate for sex or anything. I don’t have any wish to cheat on Alan.” Something hot and explosive burned in Leo’s gut. “I’m not a good person, but I don’t cheat on my partners.”

It felt gratifying to see the pleased (or relieved?) look on Eric’s face. Not that Leo needed his approval. Eric said, “To be clear, I did not think you would be unfaithful to Alan.”

“Oh?” Leo tilted his head. “Are you such an optimist that you would believe in me?”

He meant that in a mocking way, but Eric answered sincerely, “Frankly, I think people who call you a demon simplify you and turn you into a caricature. You might not think the same way as most people do. But I had a gut feeling that cheating on someone, especially when he’s a guy you love, would be disgusting and repulsive to you.”

Something occurred to Leo. “Huh. I don’t like cheaters, no. But what about you? Where does your moral relativity stand in this?”

Eric’s eyes fluttered, as if he were processing some complicated feelings. “It’s really hard. I hate the thought of someone betraying a person they claim to love. I’d imagine that if you truly cared about someone, then you would never betray them, let alone in such a hurtful way. But I know people have all sorts of reasons for infidelity. I don’t support it, but I can see how complicated the picture can be. I don’t have to like it, though!”

Leo tapped his finger on the arm of the couch. Eric was truly a slippery eel, impossible to trap. Leo wasn't even sure why he wanted to trap his therapist, since he understood that they weren’t enemies. But it was fun to play this game with Eric. Leo said, “Okay cool. Neither of us support infidelity, no matter what the motives.” He tapped his chin. “Alan and I are fine,” he said offhandedly.

Sigh, he hated the dubious look Eric gave him. “I’m glad to hear that. By the way, in therapy, you’re allowed to bring up any topic, even when you feel fine with your relationships.” When Leo cast him a distrustful glance, Eric elaborated, “You never have to share anything you don’t want to, of course. Just saying that even if you’re not distressed about something per se, doesn’t mean you can't talk about it. If you feel any interest in discussing something, we can absolutely discuss it.”

Leo hummed. Eric really was hard to puzzle out. A part of Leo’s survival strategy, was to figure out the other person’s motives, and then set up defenses (and traps) to protect himself. But Eric’s motives were hard to decipher. He seemed more honest and blunt than most people Leo had met. And the things Eric said about goals in therapy made sense, to a shockingly practical degree.

Generally, Leo preferred dealing with pragmatic people, since they were easier to predict, and quicker to persuade. But with Eric ...The guy was quite straightforward about some things, almost treating this like a business transaction. This was comforting to Leo, since he was familiar with business operations. Yet, Eric was also completely different from all of the businessmen Leo had ever dealt with. Did Eric even consider himself a businessman, though?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Eric asked with a pleasant smile.

Leo cursed inwardly, not realizing how long he had been immersed in his thoughts. He drummed his fingers on the couch seat. “Alan and I really are fine. Sure I wish I could jump his bones, but it won’t happen until he gives me the go ahead.”

Eric gave him a meaningful look. “Yes, that’s true. Then what is the problem here?”

“Ugh.” Leo gripped his fists. “Do I always have to spell everything out to you?”

Eric made a prim smile. “Sorry about that. I ask you these questions so that we can find out what’s underneath the surface. Maybe it’s weird, because outside of therapy, who asks these sorts of questions, right?”

Leo sent him a flat stare in response, and didn’t say anything.

Undeterred, Eric continued, “Imagine if we only stay on the surface, though. You wouldn’t get what you want out of therapy if we don’t try to find further answers to questions.”

“You mean you find further questions to my answers,” Leo said in a mocking tone.

Eric laughed, as if he really thought that was funny. “That’s actually a good way to put it. It’s easy to leave everything as it is, to not touch or move anything, right? It’s harder, but worth it, to dig deeper and find out more truths beneath the surface. You enjoy sleuthing, don’t you?”

His therapist’s sudden question made Leo blink in astonishment. He paused for a second. “Who told you that?”

Isakawa, the fox, said in an unassuming voice, “You did! Didn’t you tell me that you like finding out secrets, such as what the other ghouls made their pacts for?”

Leo Kurosagi frowned. Huh! He was usually more attentive than this. How could he have forgotten? He might have mentioned it at some point, but perhaps it didn’t matter. He would have told Eric eventually, and it wasn't something the therapist could use against him. Who wouldn’t be curious about the ghouls’ pact wishes?

In a suave manner, the influencer said, “Okay, I guess I do like finding out secrets. So?” He could guess where Eric was going, but he wanted to make his therapist spell things out for a change. Ha!

Eric said, “So, if you like finding out the truth and investigating things, then how would you like to do some sleuthing in therapy? There are things we don’t know and want to find out. The more we find out, the more information you’ll have to make informed decisions on what you want to do. Sound like a good idea?”

Leo’s lips parted but no words came out for a moment. He cleared his throat. “All right. So I’m the sleuth. Then who are you?”

Smoothly, Eric said, “You’re Sherlock and I’m Watson.”

That made Leo crack a genuine laugh. “You’re the therapist. Don’t you want to be Sherlock?”

Eric shook his head slightly. “I’m not a guy who likes the limelight. I’d rather be the helper than the star.”

Leo peered at Eric’s face, watching for reactions. “So you’re saying you’d rather be my sidekick and listen to what I say?”

Eric had a curious look in his eyes. “Hmm, I was thinking more in terms of collaborators. Watson helps Holmes, but they’re working together. Holmes is the star but they are equals.”

Leo frowned as he mulled this over. “So you’re saying that sidekicks are not equal to their masters. Robin is subservient to Batman?”

His therapist’s lips quirked up at the Batman reference. “Okay, I see what you mean. To me, Batman and Robin always had a father-son, or at least older brother and little brother vibe. So there’s a senior and junior kind of hierarchy, but Batman respects Robin as much as Robin respects Batman. So ‘sidekick’ is not necessarily a bad thing, especially in the Batman and Robin, more benign context. Yet, a lot of people use ‘sidekick’ in a diminishing sense.”

“Oh.” Leo narrowed his eyes in a sly cat’s way. “So you don’t want me to diminish you.” Two can play at this game, Eric!

Isakawa laughed. “Who really wants to be diminished? But this isn’t just about my feelings, but about what would work best. In my mind, if there’s always a sense of someone being subservient to the other, the collaboration tends to go sour, and both parties are dissatisfied.”

Leo folded his arms again, and looked elsewhere, unsettled again. He frowned. “Why? There are always power dynamics between two people. One person could have the upper hand. The other person could snatch the upper hand from them at any time, though.”

Eric leaned back on the sofa, looking annoyingly relaxed. “Ah, if I may be blunt, do you feel like you’re only safe in therapy if you gain the upper hand over me?”

Leo’s mouth dropped open. He was used to Eric’s bluntness by now, but this was something else. Leo was usually a quick-witted person, but Eric always made him hesitate and second-guess himself, which he hated. Once again, Leo asked himself why he was persevering in therapy.

Alan’s face came to his mind, his stupidly cute face and comforting presence, even if he looked intimidating to most other people. Leo clenched his fingers together until they hurt, and used the pain to distract himself for a bit. He wasn’t going to let go of his Himbo no matter what.

But how should he respond to Eric’s curveball?

When Isakawa looked like he was about to interrupt again, the influencer spoke up. “I like getting the upper hand. And I do feel safer with an advantage.” He smirked. “But I promise I won't abuse my power and hurt you.”

Eric smiled back. “All right, why don’t we try that? What can I give you right now so that you can gain that upper hand in our sessions?”

Amazement filled Leo’s mind. Was Eric for real? Just when Leo thought he finally puzzled his therapist out, Eric surprised him all over again. He never met someone so hard to pin down. Leo was determined to win this game, though, and he admitted that he was enjoying the challenge.

***

Leo mulled over Eric’s question. What could the therapist give him so that he could have the upper hand? He trailed his fingers over the couch armrest.

After a solid sixty seconds of silence, Eric uttered, “I hope that wasn't too provocative of a question.”

Leo smirked. “You’re always provocative, Eric.” Too bad his therapist still looked unfazed. Hmph, that gave Leo an idea. “Let’s try something. You seem calm and unbothered no matter what I say. That is unnerving. Can you show more emotion on your face?”

“Oh!” Eric, to Leo’s satisfaction, looked a tad flustered. He smiled. “My apologies for that. I will be more expressive in the future. Did you feel like my um, calmness, made you feel disadvantaged against me?”

His therapist’s face was open now, with wide eyes. Eric was either a great actor (like Subaru!), or he had genuinely let loose. But Leo would take this as a small victory regardless. Leo said with a smug smile, “It just feels weird to talk to someone who's completely unruffled. I want to see more reaction from you.”

A smile lit up Eric’s face, and he almost seemed shy. “Okay, I understand. How do you feel now?”

“Hmm…” Leo scanned his therapist’s face. There was definitely more emotion now, as if Eric had finally given himself the permission to be himself. What the fuck was going on in his therapy session? Leo couldn’t help but laugh. “What? Why did you feel the need to put on a calm face with me all this time? You could just be honest with me, not just in your words, but in your facial expression and body language too.” His fine eyebrows rose up. “How do you expect me to build trust with you if you keep hiding your true feelings from me?”

Yes, Leo congratulated himself on finding this opening. It was truly a big victory. Even his therapist wouldn't be able to keep up with him now.

Eric threaded a hand through his pretty turquoise hair. “Ah, it’s a reflex reaction, to put on a calm face, since I want to be comforting and give you a sense of peace. But you’re right that I could ironically be off-putting, and it doesn't help build trust. I hope you’ll continue to be honest with me like this in the future!”

“But you’re so formal with me too,” Leo said, folding his arms and frowning. He barely concealed his grin. He was giddy with excitement that he had somehow “conquered” his therapist, as if he had knocked down Eric’s barrier at last.

Eric rubbed the back of his neck, in a gesture that reminded Leo of Alan. How disconcerting. “Ah. Okay. I naturally talk a bit more formally, but I’ll aim to be more informal now. Hmm, I didn't realize that I’ve been doing all these things to put you off. Thanks for telling me, though.”

Leo Kurosagi sighed, and put his legs up on the couch. He had refrained from this “rude gesture” for so long, but he might as well milk his advantage. Plus, Eric didn’t seem bothered by it.

The influencer projected his inner black cat, and made a lazy smile. It was time to see how far he could dominate the therapy room.

***

“You need a new phone, Cap,” Leo pressed. The day after the odd therapy session with Eric, Leo cornered Alan in the garage.

The Vagastrom Captain narrowed his eyes and put his hands on his hips, with that angry-cute expression. “It works perfectly fine.” He frowned and stared at his phone.

Leo shook his head. “Even without the crack at the top, your phone model is a decade old. I’m shocked you still haven't changed it, though I guess that shouldn’t be surprising, since you like living in the past.”

Alan bunched his shoulders and sniped, “I can still read it fine and it works. I don't need any fancy apps or high speeds, or whatever you kids are into these days.”

Leo put a hand on his lover’s bicep. Alan tensed but then relaxed. The influencer said, “Stop acting like you’re an old man. You’re only two years my senior.” His lips curved up. “The only old man in Darkwick is the Obscuary captain, and even he’s more receptive to technology.”

Alan sighed, his eyes protesting, but he was clearly already giving way. “Vampires think differently.”

“Do they?” Leo questioned.

His captain shrugged his shoulders, then smiled a bit. “You just have to have your way, huh?” But his tone was affectionate.

With triumph, Leo smirked. “I always get my way.” Impulsively, he pulled down his himbo’s head and kissed him.

It was only a quick kiss, but the remainder of tension vanished from Alan’s body, and his facial expression became more serene as well. Wow, Leo should do this more often. Alan chuckled. “Fine, fine, let’s go to the phone store.”

“Yes!” Leo let out his victory cheer.

And that was how they ended up at a phone store outside of Darkwick. Alan approved the R & R permit they needed, and Leo snickered, thinking about the easier permits as a perk of dating the captain.

Their advisor, Dante, was supposed to approve the permit as well. The man had a stern face as usual, and Leo was ready to argue. But to his relief, the professor just nodded. “About time. Alan does need a new phone.” He glanced down at Alan’s cracked screen.

Alan glared while Leo gave his lover a smug smile.

At the store itself, Leo enjoyed the cool-smelling place. It had a modern decor that was brightly lit but not blinding. Leo was in a good mood, so he put on his charm. He was full of smiles and charisma when the shopping assistant, who was a young man in his twenties, came to talk to them.

Alan was awkward and out of place, peering around, looking bewildered at the range of phones available.

At some point during the conversation, Leo told the salesman, “Ideally, my boyfriend would like a phone that’s easy and straightforward to use. Good quality but doesn’t need to be the top in specs.”

“Oh, your boyfriend?” The guy darted a furtive glance at Alan, who stared back with astonishment. It was the first time they had used the term openly; perhaps they were too used to calling each other by other names.

Leo barely suppressed a scowl. What? Did the guy think that Leo didn't deserve his handsome Cap? But the guy recovered himself with a chuckle. “Sorry. I didn't mean any offense.”

Leo narrowed his eyes slightly. Surely they hadn’t encountered a homophobe? He clicked his tongue. “There wasn’t anything to be offended by anyway. I’m sure you’ve met gay customers before.”

The salesman appeared taken aback, his mouth opening and shutting like a fish anomaly. “So-sorry, I didn’t mean anything like that.”

Alan put a reassuring hand on Leo’s shoulder. “Let it go. It was probably a misunderstanding.”

The influencer watched the sales assistant with some wariness, aware that his mask of friendliness was slipping, if not entirely gone.

The hapless man rubbed his head. “Ah. It’s more like…” He swallowed and glanced around, and lowered his voice. “I’m gay too, so I didn’t expect—” He shrugged his shoulders and didn't finish his sentence.

Leo exchanged a look with Alan. The Vagastrom captain said, “Are the people around here not accepting?” He appeared calm but Leo knew from experience that a storm was brewing in his Captain.

The shopping assistant lifted his shoulders again. “Not everyone is, but that's just life.” He cleared his throat. “So, what phone model are you after?”

Sigh. What a change in topic.

***

The conversation had soured his mood. So, Leo demonstrated his superior phone knowledge, and the salesman made an excuse and left.

Alan frowned. “You didn't need to do that. The guy was just doing his job.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “You’re too nice, Cap! He was rubbing me the wrong way, even before his weird comment about us dating.”

At that, Alan cleared his throat. “Um, about that…”

Leo Kurosagi shot a glare at him. “What? Not you too!”

Alan furrowed his brow. “What’s going on, Leo? I don’t have any problems with the ‘boyfriend’ label, by the way. We know what we are, regardless of what we call it. But you seem extra on edge ever since your appointment yesterday. Did something happen?”

“Huh? I thought my therapy sessions were confidential,” Leo bit back with a lift of his chin. He wouldn't actually do this, but he considered blowing bubblegum at his lover.

Alan gave him an unimpressed stare. “Of course you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But I can feel that something’s changed. I mean, you always seem thoughtful after a session, but this time feels different.”

“Hmph.” Leo tapped on the glass case of some phones nearby, ignoring his himbo.

But Alan, bless his heart, would not give up. He asked, “What’s wrong?” Then his face darkened. “Did your therapist hurt you?”

Alan’s question shocked Leo so much, that the influencer had to laugh. Alan’s dumbfounded expression made Leo laugh even more. “Ha! Eric couldn’t hurt me even if he tried. You know I can protect myself.”

Alan’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “Sorry, I know you can take care of yourself. I just—”

“You just worry about me anyway,” Leo replied with a smile. He reached out for Alan’s hand again, and his lover thankfully took it. “Let’s just say that Eric—showed me some very interesting things.” He smirked at Alan’s face. “No, it wasn't anything inappropriate. It was just surprising, that's all. I’m still trying to figure things out, but I’m okay.”

The Vagastrom captain heaved a sigh of relief. “That’s good to hear. Mmm, would you be willing to share what you learned? At least, anything that you think I should know?”

Leo could barely resist laughing at him again. He tinkled his fingers on the phone display case. His lips curved up. “I’ll make an analogy. If I were a phone, then I just discovered a new feature I can play with.”

Alan’s eyes grew wide. “And what feature is that?”

The influencer tutted, “I would make a more detailed analogy, but you don’t get tech, so.”

Alan exhaled with exasperation. “You know I’m not the best with analogies, either. But do you have a non-tech one?”

Leo was about to say no, he didn’t. But at Alan’s confused look, he took pity on the poor himbo and said, “All right, let’s talk about cars, then.” He sniggered at the way Alan perked up. “Imagine if I were at a car dealership. I’m about to go through the usual process of checking out the cars. But suddenly, I discover a new kind of car that I never noticed at the dealership before. It’s faster, more energy efficient, and even costs less to buy. Not to mention thoroughly safety tested. Sounds too good to be true, right?”

Alan nodded in a gruff way. “Yes, I would be suspicious too if the salesperson told me about such a perfect car. Sounds like a fantasy.”

Leo nodded. “Yeah you get me, Cap. But the car dealer says, fine. You can test drive it, so you can experience it for yourself. With a lot of trust, he tosses me the keys and doesn't even tell me about time limits. So I had to try it out, and found that it was indeed faster than anything I’ve ever driven. Impulsively, I wanted to test the safety too, so while I’m driving at high speed, I crash into an obstacle. Oh hoho, the airbags worked like a charm, and aside from a little shock, I wasn't hurt.”

Alan’s stare was full of alarm. “Leo, can you please never do that in real life?”

The influencer sputtered out a laugh. “That was just a metaphor, Cap. I don't even know how to drive. Besides, I’d make sure to get great car insurance and make them pay for the damages, which I would frame as an accident that favors my case.”

Alan breathed out deeply and shook his head. “It’s not the car damages I’m worried about. I just don’t like thinking about you getting hurt, okay? Especially not in a car accident, even if it’s hypothetical!”

Something in Leo softened, even as he still chuckled. “Sorry, I won't try to scare you again like that.” Though he likely wouldn't keep his promise. “Anyway, I hope you can get a sense of what I’m talking about, through this car comparison.”

Alan looked thoughtful at that. “Okay. If we make sure everything’s safe and our seatbelts are fastened at all times, can I come on this drive with you in your new car?”

His himbo did get better at metaphor talk, ever since practicing verbal communication skills with his therapist. Leo grinned. “Yes. Especially since I’d need you to take the wheel, Cap. As I said, I never learned to drive, and don’t intend to, since I already have my personal chauffeur.” He winked at his lover.

Alan seemed a bit flustered, but not displeased.

Chapter Text

One moment, Leo was making coffee in the Vagastrom kitchen, his thoughts a whir. The next, someone burst through the door. “Leo, we need to talk.”

The influencer snorted. “You finally deigned to speak to me, you prick?”

The speaker was Sho, his pale hair loose and a bit dishevelled under his bandana. He sighed and leaned back against the counter, arms folded. “You’re not making it easy for me to talk.”

“Huh? When did I ever stop you from talking? In fact, I asked you questions and invited you to speak many times these several weeks!” Leo hollered.

The influencer gripped his fists, and Sho gripped his. Leo knew that when it came to a physical confrontation, he couldn't beat Sho. But he might trap him with bubblegum first. Worst came to worst, he would get pummeled and he would report Sho’s behavior to Alan.

His former best friend gritted his teeth. “I can see the gears turning in your head, Leo. Relax, I’m not here to start a fight. You just talk in a way that gets under my skin, that’s all.” He unfurled his fists and placed his hands on either side of himself.

Leo watched him carefully. “If you’re not looking for a fight, then what are you looking for?” He smirked. “Did your boyfriend ditch you for someone else?”

The chef groaned. “It has nothing to do with Subaru. He and I are still happy and together, thanks for asking.”

“Then what is it?” Leo narrowed his cat-like eyes.

Sho put his hands on his hips, his mouth a thin line. “How do I say this? I don’t—hate you, Leo, not like that anyway.”

“Oh wow, I’m so flattered to hear that,” Leo jibed sarcastically.

Sho ignored him. “I spent more time thinking these past few weeks. At first, I was absolutely livid. I felt betrayed. How dare you, my best friend, treat me like shit, like I’m some slave for you to order around?”

“But haven’t you always acted like a slave? And now you blame me for your own behavior?” Leo shot him a cold smile. “You’re the one who betrayed me.”

His former bestie grumbled, “Just let me finish first, okay? This is hard to talk about.” Sho scratched his unkempt hair. “As I said, I felt betrayed because, despite everything that had gone on between us, I believed that you would never hurt me, not seriously, at least. When I thought more about our friendship over the years, I saw patterns of you using and manipulating me to do things, sometimes even blackmailing me. Maybe I got too used to your actions, and I didn’t want to bother arguing so much, so I went along with what you wanted most of the time. But it dawned on me that this wasn’t just your habit of interacting with people. You actually have no respect for me. You don’t care about me.”

A fire burned in Leo’s chest at the accusatory words. His eyes flashed. “Look who’s talking. If you respected and cared about me, you wouldn’t toss me aside like yesterday’s trash. Goodness forbid that you actually talk to me about your problems, so we could solve them together. In fact, you completely iced me out, and refused to hear anything from me. You pushed me aside like I’m some bug you want to get rid of.” Leo bunched his fists again and felt the urge to smash in Sho’s face.

Sho grimaced. “I—I’m sorry.”

Leo shot his ex-friend a dubious look. “What do you mean you’re sorry?”

Sho looked like he was swallowing something bitter. “I’m not sorry for speaking my mind about how I felt. But I am sorry for shutting you out, not even giving you a chance to speak. Mido encouraged me to talk to you too, but I was stubborn and didn’t listen. I guess I felt jealous too. We had a fight, and before I knew it, Mido started dating you.”

Leo snickered. “Hey, I got Alan first. You can’t steal him from me. And you already have Kagami.”

Sho smirked. “I know. I love Subaru. What I meant was that Mido is my captain, too. When I learned that he started dating you, right after I ended our friendship, that felt like a slap on the face. Like he was helping you, and ignoring me. But I can see more clearly now.”

“See what more clearly?” Leo asked, brows furrowed. He could guess but he wanted the other man to say it out loud.

“Well, I was too angry to understand what was happening. How dare Mido side with you and neglect me? He never once comforted me when I—lost you. But I can see now, why he said yes to dating you. I was too mad and proud to get it until now.” Sho looked tired and sagged down in a chair.

The chef went on, “At the time, I was fixated on how you’re manipulative, using me, disrespecting me…But I later realized that there’s more beneath the surface. Mido might be naive, but he’s not stupid. Not all the time anyway. There must be something good he sees in you. Otherwise, he would just rebuff you. For all our Captain’s faults, he has never had any trouble saying no to you. You’re hardly the only pretty boy who tried to capture his attention. But you’re the only one he accepted.”

“Hmm,” Leo said with a cool smile, though his chest fluttered with elation. “I am special, I know.”

Sho smirked. “You’re an arrogant ass, Leo, but maybe not without reason.”

Leo didn’t know how to react to that compliment.

His former friend continued, “It occurred to me later that, despite all your problems, your selfishness, manipulations, and even lies…there were lines that you would never cross with me, or with Mido. You’re bad, but not that bad. I can’t believe I’m saying this. But basically, you’re a demon, but not all the time. And even during your most demonic moments, you were never—as dreadfully evil as I imagined.

“It’s hard to explain this clearly in words, but I guess you have more of a conscience than most people think. Even if you seem completely bad and rotten on the surface. There are good things within you, but you bury them so far down. Even I had forgotten your better qualities, because I was so bitter, so hurt and sad.”

Leo hummed thoughtfully at Sho’s speech, his mind a whirl of emotion. It was surreal to hear Sho say positive things about him, after getting completely shoved out by the man for weeks. Then Leo gave him a feline grin. “So what now? You’re begging for my forgiveness?”

Sho laughed. “You just have to have the advantage, right?” Leo frowned as that reminded him of what Eric said last session. Sho added, “To be clear, I’m not sure I want to be friends again just yet. We need to figure out our issues first, or else we would get back to our old habits and drive each other crazy. But I would like to be able to talk to you again. There. I said it.”

The influencer continued to give his ex-friend a black cat glare. “Oh? So you're assuming that I want to be friends with you again?”

Sho looked pained. “No, I’m not that conceited. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, that’s fine. Maybe our friendship wasn’t meant to last, then. What do you want, anyway?”

It stung to hear Sho say that their friendship might not be meant to last. Leo hid his hurt, however, and replied in a cheerful voice, “I want you to grovel. To make up for shutting me out for so long.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Sho said with a grimace. “What did you have in mind? I do have some bottom lines for things I’m willing to do.”

“You’re no fun,” Leo said with a pout. “But as you said, I am reasonable and have a conscience,” he repeated Sho’s wording in a mocking tone. “It won't be so bad. But I need time to come up with something good.”

Sho sputtered out a laugh. “Great. I’m looking forward to it.”

A familiar silence hung between them, and for a moment, it felt like they were back to before. But Leo knew that things had irrevocably changed already. He cast Sho a look. “So, what is it about Subaru? Did you know that your boyfriend sought me out some weeks ago?”

***

Leo laughed at Sho’s shocked face. The chef appeared unsettled, his posture unsteady. “What did he seek you out for?” His tone was wary, as if he thought Leo was making something up for entertainment.

The influencer threw him a glance of disapproval. “I’m not lying, you asshole. That Hotarubi captain really did come up to me one day, right when I was going out.” His lips curled up. “Frankly I’m surprised that he didn't tell you. Maybe he didn’t want you to know that we’ve been talking about you behind your back.”

If Sho were a dragon, smoke would be pouring out of his nostrils right now. “Stop making such vague statements. What exactly did he speak to you about?”

Leo was enjoying this, this little bit of revenge on Sho for putting him through so much suffering. The influencer stared up at the ceiling, where a large fan was spinning. “Poor Subaru. I would never have expected it. He told me that he wanted us to be friends again, that he only wanted you to—set healthier boundaries with me. He never wanted you to cut me out of your life completely.” Leo still wore his nonchalant smirk, and pushed down the roiling emotions inside of him.

To Leo’s dismay, though, Sho only looked relieved. “Oh. That’s true. I didn’t know he would actually tell you that, but it’s something he pushed me on. He probably didn’t want to tell me that he spoke to you, since I might get upset. He’s right, but I understand why he sought you out, and don’t feel upset about it anymore.”

“Yes, because the Kabuki prince is so perfect, huh?” Leo goaded. As Sho’s face darkened again, Leo continued in a blithe tone, “Chill. I’m not trying to knock your boyfriend. He’s a little naive, but at least he was trying to do something constructive.” Unlike you, Leo’s unspoken words hung in the air. “I didn’t enjoy his confrontation, though. Honestly I thought you and Subaru were trying to trick me into a deal and make me suffer.”

“Why is everything about deals to you?” Sho asked, exasperated.

Leo waved a dismissive hand at him, and casually sipped from his cup of coffee. “Patience, Sho-Chan.” Even while they were arguing, it felt nice, Leo realized. Maybe he did miss talking to his best friend, after all. “But I spent more time mulling over what Subaru said. In fact, he told me something very interesting. He claimed that you were hurting too, that you missed me. Is that true?”

Sho blinked up at him. “I…” He avoided Leo’s gaze for a moment, but then looked back at him. “Yes. I was angry, but it really did hurt. We’ve always hung out, rain or shine, for so many years. It was hard.” He took a deep inhale, then asked, “How about you, Leo? Did you miss me while I was gone?”

His voice had gotten quiet at his last sentence, as if he expected the influencer to say no. For a second, Leo considered saying no, that Sho wasn't worth wasting his energy on. But at the last instant, Leo relented and nodded. “I sure missed your cooking.”

Sho sputtered out a laugh. “I hope it wasn't just my cooking you missed.”

Leo just smirked back at him and didn’t answer.

“So, um,” Sho started up again, drumming his fingers in his lap, “How is your therapy going?”

At that, Leo frowned. “Alan told you?”

“He said that you gave him permission to tell me, though he offered no specifics,” Sho replied.

It was true. Leo probably hadn’t been thinking clearly. There was a point when Alan asked Leo if he could tell Sho he was seeing a counselor. Leo had offhandedly said yes, as he didn’t expect Sho to ever speak to him again anyway. And he wanted Sho to feel bad that Leo had to get professional help due to Sho’s actions.

The Vagastrom Vice Captain sighed. “It’s going well, actually.” Leo was surprised by his own answer. “The therapist is good and we talk about things.”

“What do you talk about?” Sho asked.

Leo placed his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes. “None of your business.”

His former best friend raised his hands in defeat. “Fine, fine. It’s your privacy. Anyway, I’m just glad that it’s helping you, whatever you’re working on.”

Leo gave him a curt nod. “Why don’t you seek therapy too, Sho-Chan?”

“Huh?” Sho’s eyes narrowed. “Why should I?”

Leo grinned. “I can admit that I have problems. But I’m betting you have problems too. If I can put my pride on the shelf and seek professional help, I’m sure you can as well.”

Sho’s demeanor softened a bit. “Hmph. I will see.” He laughed. “Are all the Vagastrom ghouls seeing counselling now? Mido has been seeing a shrink for some months, too.”

A surge of protectiveness came over Leo. He snorted. “Yes, and? Are you judging Cap for being the bigger man and getting help for his issues?”

Sho appeared taken aback, his eyes wide. “Woah, sorry about that. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, learning to get professional help…It’s just that we’ve been taking care of ourselves for so long, not relying on anyone else, that it feels strange. But it looks like things have changed for us. I admit that I didn’t expect you to want to seek therapy, too. You’ve always been so distrustful of shrinks and other authorities.”

Leo hooded his eyes with annoyance, though Sho’s assessment wasn’t wrong. “I still don’t trust them. Most of them, anyway. I’ve tested my own therapist for weeks. He seems decent. Or at least, I’m confident that he won’t be able to try anything funny.”

Sho gave him a wondering look. “I see. By the way, that wasn't meant to be a criticism. It does take some…effort and humility to seek help, especially from a shrink. I’m sure nobody could really take advantage of you, though. You’re too smart, and good at protecting yourself.”

“At this point, I’m not sure which of your compliments are genuine, and which are just empty words,” Leo drawled. Before Sho could argue, Leo went on, “But thank you, anyway. I do think I deserve the praise. My therapist taught me some things about myself. He doesn’t force me to do anything I don’t want to do, so I can choose my own actions.” Leo stared into the distance, deep in thought.

“Hmmm, that’s good that your therapist respects your choices,” Sho hummed. He sat up. “Leo, it’s been…nice to talk to you again. We haven’t—fixed everything, but maybe there is hope for us, after all.”

“Relationships are a two-way street, Sho-chan,” Leo mocked. “I can’t be the only one putting in the work.”

But Sho didn’t appear offended. He laughed. “True, that.” He rose from his chair.

“Leaving already?” Leo taunted.

“Don’t you have better things to do than to talk to me?” Sho volleyed back. He rubbed his temples. “We just talked about a lot of hard stuff. I figured we could both use more time to process it.”

Leo couldn't argue with that. He made a noncommittal sound as Sho waved and left the kitchen.

***

A short while later, Alan Mido walked into the kitchen.

Leo snorted. “How long have you been eavesdropping?”

Alan smiled thinly. “With your stigma, you would know. No need to ask me.”

Leo pouted and shrugged. “You’ve gotten much better at stealth. Sho didn’t seem to have noticed anything.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Alan said. He pulled up a chair and sat near him. “So, how do you feel after that talk with Bandana?”

Kurosagi Leo paused for a bit rather than responding right away like he normally would. “I frankly feel like I’m dreaming. Sho’s been ignoring me for ages. Did you talk him into thawing the ice with me, Cap?”

Alan shook his head with an bemused expression. “Nope. I was just as surprised as you were. I did ask him several times in the past to talk to you. No matter what, you’ve been best friends for years. It didn't feel right to me that he was blocking you out, not even giving you a chance to speak. How could you end a friendship without even an honest talk first where both parties can share what they think?"

Leo laughed humorlessly. "You've come a long way from your lone wolf days, haven't you, Cap? Yeah we should do things together, shouldn't we? We shouldn't be stubborn and insist on doing things our way or the highway."

Alan gave him a look. "Why do I get the feeling that you're talking about much more than just you and Bandana?”

Leo brushed his bangs to the side and lifted his chin. “Well duh, Captain Obvious.” When Alan gave him a stony stare back, Leo sighed. “You’re no fun, Cap.”

Alan smiled a bit. “Then why are you dating me?”

“What? Is that a joke?” Leo quipped, even as his chest tightened. He grabbed Alan’s hands and squeezed them. “It must be these hands that got me. They feel so good when you put them on me, you know?”

Alan huffed out a laugh, squeezed back, and rubbed Leo’s fingers in a way that warmed both his heart and his cheeks. “I don’t know whether to thank you for your compliments, or be mad that…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

While he was still squeezing his himbo’s hands, Leo furrowed his brows. “Huh? What do you have to be mad at?”

To his dismay, Alan just laughed. “Mad that, well, sometimes it feels like we’re talking on different wavelengths.”

“Oh?” Leo pulled his hands out of his lover’s, and folded his arms. He gave Alan a dirty look. “If I’m not on the same wavelength as you, not good enough for you, then you might as well see someone else.”

Poor Alan gaped, then frowned. “Leo, sorry, that wasn’t what I meant. You know I’m still terrible with words. I’m not interested in anyone else. What I meant, was that sometimes I try to connect with you in some way, but it’s like you just have to dodge me and move elsewhere.”

Leo still wasn't satisfied with his explanation, and he narrowed his eyes. “If I’m not good enough at connecting with you the way you want, then why do you even bother?” His voice got louder at the end, and to his shame, his eyes were getting hot.

Alan’s face softened. “No, no, come here.” When Leo didn’t move, Alan sighed and placed tentative hands on his shoulders. When Leo didn’t reject that, the himbo bundled him up in an embrace. With Leo’s face buried in Alan’s chest, Alan murmured, “I love you, Leo. I hope you know that. Maybe I just suck at expressing my feelings. But you matter to me and I want you in my life.”

Leo laughed wryly while still in his lover’s embrace. “Too bad I didn’t record what you just said. I could use that to prove to Sho that I did manage to find someone to love me. That I actually can be loved, despite everything that Sho ever believed about me…”

Alan replied gruffly, “Bandana doesn’t know everything. He’s dead wrong if he thinks no one can ever love you.”

A thought occurred to Leo. “Hey Cap? How come you never tried to comfort Sho after he…lost me?” He tried to keep his voice steady as he said that.

The Vagastrom captain paused for a bit. “Maybe I should have comforted him. But I guess I was angry. I didn’t agree with the way he handled things. Not only were you best friends from middle school, you’re also classmates and Vagastrom dorm mates who work closely together. It’s very immature to not even have a proper talk with you, to just shut out everything you say like you’re invisible. It wasn't right.”

Leo felt smug at Alan’s acknowledgement, and his chest warmed that his boyfriend was taking his side over Sho’s. But still, Leo had to prod him a bit. “Oh, sure. But he finally got the guts to have a proper talk with me. So will you forgive him now?”

“Will you forgive him?” Alan asked back. Leo was about to complain about Alan answering his question with another question. But the Vagastrom captain continued, “If you don't, I don't blame you. It was very hurtful, and even if you want to forgive him, it can take time, a lot of time.”

Leo chuckled. “What? Are you talking about your own experiences with forgiveness?”

Alan said in an amused voice, “Yes, I’m drawing from my own experiences.” He rubbed Leo’s back in a way that felt soothing, the influencer had to admit. “I am very glad that Bandana finally stopped being so stubborn and talked to you.”

Leo chortled. “And were you satisfied with what he said?”

Alan let out a long breath. “It sounded like a good start. And you two could have more talks in the future, now that he’s not icing you out anymore.”

Leo hummed in agreement. “I’m surprised that he was willing to apologize for icing me out. I expected him to be a lot more defensive about it, given how self-righteous he sounded, with his accusations of me of being narcissistic and all that.”

Alan groaned. “I don’t really like the word ‘narcissistic.’ It simplifies a person and erases their humanity, in my opinion. And who says you’re narcissistic anyway?”

Le snorted. “Everyone.”

Alan sighed. “I don’t really think you are, though.”

The influencer let the silence hang between them for a while, before asking, “Why do you have so much faith in me? Nobody believes in me, not even Sho. He might just be coming back out of habit, and he still wants to fix me before we could be friends again.” His voice grew small, and he nuzzled into Alan a little more.

His Himbo petted his head in a way that felt calming rather than condescending. “First of all, I don’t believe Bandana is coming back out of habit. I think he really means it. And he should know better than to be so arrogant and think he can ‘fix’ you. Nobody has the ability to fix anybody. Only we can ‘fix’ ourselves, if we wish. It sounded more like he wanted to make sure things will be fair between you from now on. And you two can decide what will satisfy both of you.”

“That’s a very charitable interpretation of Sho’s intentions,” Leo quipped.

Alan said, “You don’t have to agree with me. This is just what I think.” He continued, “As for why I have faith in you, well, because you’ve proven to me over and over that I can trust you. I don’t always like your decisions, but I can still see that you’re decent at your core, and that there are lines you would never cross.”

Leo pffted. “Lines that I would never cross? That’s exactly what Sho said to me too.”

“You don’t agree with his assessment?” Alan asked in a curious voice.

Leo pulled back from their embrace, then he grasped his lover’s hand again. “I don't know. Do I? There are definitely things I’m unwilling to do, no matter what. Would you say those are lines I wouldn’t cross?”

“Yes,” Alan answered simply. He shot Leo a glance. “Is there something else you see that I’m not getting?”

Kurosagi Leo hummed, and leaned against Alan’s body just because it felt comfortable there. “I guess there’s no difference. Maybe I do have a ‘core of decency’ and ‘lines I won't cross,’ after all.”

“Oh? Then what’s with your hesitation earlier?” Alan inquired. But his tone was one of curiosity, not judgement.

The influencer moved Alan’s hand, so that it came over to Leo’s other side. Alan got the hint and used his arm to hug Leo against his hip. Leo inwardly purred with contentment. “You just have to get to the bottom of everything, huh?” he teased. “I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure things out. Maybe I’m so used to arguing with you—and Sho—that I don’t know how it’s like to not argue and just spend time together.”

Alan made a noise of affirmation. “Yeah, we do bicker a lot, don't we? Which is fine but we don’t always have to. We can just enjoy each other’s company.”

Leo smiled. Suddenly, he felt sleepy, but in a pleasant, relaxed way. “Cap, can you carry me to my bedroom?”

Alan chuckled. “What? It’s still morning. Don’t you have things to do instead of going back to bed?”

“Hah? Why can’t I just go back to bed?” Leo quipped. “Especially if you can join me?”

“Leo, not this again!” Alan groaned.

The influencer laughed. “I’m not trying to seduce you. I’m just feeling very cuddly right now. If you can hold me in bed, even for a short while, that would be great. But if not, I won’t bother you…” Yes, he sounded a bit whiny near the end, but he was shameless and wanted to be pampered, damn it.

Thankfully, Alan didn’t protest this time. “All right, then. Come climb on my back.”

Oh, Leo had wanted to be bridal carried, but riding on Alan’s back would let him maximize their body contact. Wow, he really did feel cuddly.

On the way to Leo’s bedroom, some of the general students gave the pair an odd look. But Alan paid them no mind, and Leo just gave them smirks. Not everyone had the privilege of getting carried around by their hot captain.

When Alan finally deposited Leo onto his bed, Leo pulled the covers over them. He grinned in triumph as he snuggled into Alan’s warmth. “I love you too,” he whispered.

Chapter Text

When Leo arrived at the therapy room today, he looked markedly different.

Last session, Eric felt like he and his client had achieved some common ground. They understood each other much better. He knew and respected that Leo was always testing him, and he wasn't offended.

Sometimes it was tiring to keep up with Leo, but Eric reminded himself that it was hard for someone to break out of their defenses. Naturally, Leo would want to keep himself safe. Since Eric was a stranger, and also an “authority figure” as a therapist, of course Leo would be wary.

Now, his client perched down with a pleased look on his face, and Eric smiled back. “What happened, Leo? You look like you’re in a fantastic mood today.”

Kurosagi Leo laughed. “I am. I had a big victory and I want to take all the credit for it, but I won’t this time.” With a smirk and brush of his bangs, he went on, “Sho-Chan finally spoke to me and apologized for his behavior!”

“Wow!” Eric was glad but also puzzled by this turn of events. “What did he say?”

Leo scowled. “Gee, you can't take me at my word? You just have to get to the bottom of what Sho-Chan said, don’t you?”

Despite Leo’s prickly words, Eric chuckled in response. He rubbed his teal hair and said, “Sorry! It’s not that I don’t believe you. I simply want a clearer picture of what happened, since I wasn’t there to witness it.”

The influencer sighed heavily. He folded his arms. “All right, all right. Sho said that he felt angry and betrayed at first, because how dare I, his best friend, manipulate and use him?” He rolled his eyes and muttered, “It’s as if Sho doesn't manipulate and use me too, in his own way. I do the bulk of the thinking, planning, talking, and all tech operations for him, since I know he doesn't like them much, or simply isn’t good at them. He cajoles or low key pushes me into doing favors for him, too.”

“Hmmm…” Eric put a finger on his lips in thought. “What does ‘manipulating’ and ‘using’ even mean? How do we distinguish these from just motivating or asking for help?”

Leo sent him a derisive smirk, though Eric knew that Leo was just putting up his defenses, not trying to attack him. “Huh? To me, there is barely any difference between manipulating and motivating, using or asking. The only difference is the outsider’s opinion. Sho-chan can complain all he wants, but if he wants to argue that I make him do all the work, while I do nothing, he’s wrong. I do plenty of things, arguably even more than he does, though people typically praise Sho while they ignore or even mock me.” Disgust filled his tone.

Eric furrowed his brows and frowned. “That sucks that Sho gets all the praise, even though you both take a big share of the work. Does Alan acknowledge your efforts, at least?”

A soft subtleness came into Leo’s face, like a breeze in the midst of a still forest. “He does. Well, he used to be a stubborn asshole and dismissed my efforts, no matter how hard I worked. But gradually, he came to appreciate and praise me more, even thank me.” A smile graced his lips, but it was a genuine one rather than his usual mocking smiles.

They were quiet for a moment; Leo was deep in thought, his head angled towards the ceiling.

After a moment, Eric took a sip of water from his flask. “It really is nice, isn’t it, to have someone you feel safe with, someone you trust.”

Leo flicked his glance back to Eric, and his expression was shuttered. “Of course it’s nice. What are you doing pointing out the obvious again?”

Isakawa Eric laughed. “I do that a lot, don’t I? You could say that’s my way of staying on track. And if I understood anything wrong, you can correct me.”

His client smirked. “All right, I guess. Whatever you want.” Then he leaned back against the couch. “Anyway, why don’t we talk about something more fun?”

Eric raised his brow. “Oh?”

Leo continued, “Alan and I have been talking. We haven’t had a mission in a while. Not that I’m eager about them, but they’re more stimulating than classes, which I don’t attend anyway. Plus, the Sophy security system is so anal, that I can’t post anything on TikTok with my face in it anymore, since it bans all posts with Darkwick students’ body parts.” The influencer huffed.

“I could share pictures of food and landscapes. But it’s not the same. It’s boring, so I haven’t posted in ages. Some fans were worried about what happened to me. I couldn't mention Darkwick without getting blocked by Sophy. So I just told them that school has gotten so busy, that I don’t have time to post these days.”

Here, Leo brushed a hand through his thick silver hair, and smiled. “But back to the mission. I frankly don’t want to go if that Honor Roll does. Alan’s not happy that I keep rejecting her. But you can’t force me to like someone, right? I grudgingly tolerate her for the most part.”

The influencer shrugged and stroked the necklace he was wearing. “This time, Dante isn’t here to order us around. We could pick our own mission. Well, provided Alan accepts it, since he’s still the captain. He told me that if I don’t want to work with Honor Roll, I can at least pick one other person to join us.

“At first, I wanted to pick Ro-Ro, but Alan was quick to veto him, saying that he was too volatile and hard to work with. Ugh, so judgmental, that dumb himbo. I joked and said we could invite Jin Kamurai, and my Cap gave me such a glare that I laughed. And then…” Leo coughed to clear his throat, with revulsion on his face. “Sho-Chan was sitting with us during this conversation, since he’ll be on the mission too. And he suggested that we invite his boyfriend Subaru Kagami, ugh.”

Eric nodded with empathy. “Kagami would be your last choice, huh?”

“No,” Leo said. “He would be my second last choice. Honor Roll gets the honor of being my least favorite teammate.” The influencer tutted. “I tried arguing to invite someone else. Literally anyone other than Kagami or Honor Roll. But nope. Alan said this would be a great opportunity for me to bond with Subaru, what the fuck. Sho-chan was smug that Cap was helping him. Traitor Himbo. So now I’ll have to be stuck with freakin’ Subaru on our mission.”

At the sight of Leo puffing up his cheeks, Eric interjected, “Yeah, that’s surprising that Alan didn’t want to consider anyone else. But what surprises me even more, is how quickly you gave up the fight.”

It was amusing how Leo’s jaw dropped. He scowled. “What the hell? Eric, I thought you were on my side.”

“I am on your side,” Eric pressed. “What I said wasn’t meant as an insult, though. I know you, Leo. You’re a fighter. You’re not someone who gives in easily. I just wonder whether you actually mind Subaru that much.”

“Huh? Weren’t you listening to me at all? Why would I not mind that stupid Kabuki prince?” Leo fumed, his tone incredulous.

Eric smiled. “I have been listening. So that’s why I’ve noticed that even while you protest Alan’s decision, you don’t seem that unhappy.”

The influencer tsked, glaring at his therapist. “Seriously? I am unhappy.”

“Well, I’m not saying you’re thrilled,” Eric clarified. “But there seems to be little fire behind your protest, considering that he stole your friend from you.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “Subaru can’t steal Sho from me.” He groaned and leaned back against the headrest. “Okay, maybe he did steal Sho. But he kind of returned him to me. Not that I asked him to.” His client shrugged.

The therapist could see that Leo was struggling. So he relented and said, “Subaru both stole your friend and returned him to you. He both warned Sho against you, but also convinced Sho to come back to you. Right?”

He felt sympathy for Leo as his client looked torn. The influencer frowned. “You could say that. Hmph. Subaru’s motives are even weirder and more messed up than I thought.”

Eric chuckled, and he crossed his legs. “He does seem like a puzzling fellow. Why did he lure Sho away from you, but then urge him to make up with you? Sounds bizarre to me.”

Leo Kurosagi pursed his lips and looked away for a bit. “I feel like you’re laughing at me.”

Eric Isakawa made a mortified face. “No, sorry, that wasn't what I meant. I do wonder why Subaru did such contradictory things. It’s like he’s neither friend nor foe. What do you think?”

The influencer clenched his jaw. “I don’t know but I don’t trust him.”

“That’s fair,” Eric said with a nod.

Leo seemed to relax slightly. A smile returned to his features. “Anyway, I didn't bring this up so we can yap about that damn Kabuki prince. I mentioned it because I don’t know how long the mission will last. Hopefully we can wrap it up in a few days. But if we’re unlucky, it could last a week or more, and I may have to skip an appointment with you. What do you think about that?”

In all the weeks that Leo had seen him, he had never skipped a week. Nor was he ever late. It was an interesting contradiction, his client who presented himself as irascible and impossible, yet was quite consistent in his attendance and punctuality. Eric knew Leo was trying to provoke him by echoing his earlier question of “What do you think?” But he didn’t fall for the bait. Instead, he answered candidly, “That’s all right. If you need to cancel next week’s appointment, you can. Just give me at least 24 hours’ notice!”

From Leo’s expression, Eric could tell his client was disappointed. Leo scowled. “Well, I thought you would be more upset about that. Wouldn’t you lose that week’s pay?”

Eric Isakawa chuckled. “Maybe, but I don’t see it as a loss. I don’t expect anyone to never need to cancel. I appreciate you coming by every week, but if you need to miss a week, that’s okay too. Things happen.”

Leo Kurosagi’s brows were furrowed. “One might think that you were glad to take a break from me for a week.”

Isakawa didn’t take that bait, either. “I don’t see it that way, Leo. I don’t know why you have such a low opinion of yourself.”

Leo threw a look at him that reminded Eric of a hissing cat, with its fur all puffed up. “I don't have a low opinion of myself. But I do know what people think of me.”

Eric furrowed his brows as well. “What I think isn’t the same as what ‘people’ think, though.” He was unapologetic about that. While Eric wasn’t blind to Leo’s actions, he truly did think the influencer had a poor self-image, whether he realized it or not.

The influencer grumbled. “Alan said something similar to me, that I had a low opinion of myself.” He lowered his eyes, too.

The therapist placed a hand on his chin, and murmured, “Then, have Alan and I misunderstood you? If so, could you tell me how?”

Leo now directed his amber gaze at him. He appeared furious, but his anger was clearly just a mask for something more vulnerable underneath. “Ugh, you’re both stupid.” He paused while he fiddled with his fingers. “Look, I’m not sure either you or Alan really get it. I do feel confident. I think I’m great. But I also know that other people think I’m not great.” He shrugged, a real display of nonchalance.

Eric wouldn't let that go, though. And Leo was clearly trying to slide out of a tough subject. “What does ‘great’ even mean? How come you think you’re great but many others don’t?”

Leo grouched, “I think you know already.”

“Can you say it out loud? So we can compare notes on what we think is happening?” Eric asked.

At that, Leo gave him a sly glance. “Ooh sure. But since we’re comparing notes, you tell me what your notes are first, and then I’ll tell you mine.”

Yes, Eric knew Leo was once again trying to “trap” him. But Eric wasn’t afraid of the “game,” since it was obvious that Leo didn’t really want to hurt him; he just didn’t want to feel disadvantaged compared to his therapist, which Eric could understand and respect.

So, undaunted, Eric replied, "All right! As long as you promise to share your observations after I share mine.” Leo gave him a nod with an eyeroll. Eric continued, “I think you’re very good at many things, like social media, tech, verbal communication, strategizing, and logical reasoning, for example. When other people think you’re ‘not great,’ it’s because you’re not giving them what they want, not meeting their needs, right?”

It felt rewarding when Leo had a bamboozled expression on his face. “You’re weird, Eric,” he said with mock disdain.

The therapist laughed. “Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment. So, are you ready to share your observations with me?”

Of course, Leo wasn’t ready to give in yet. He narrowed his eyes and said, “Not so fast. I want you to elaborate on what you mean, with examples.”

“Sure,” Eric said without missing a beat. “It’s like when a friend tells you about something sad, and wants you to listen with sympathy, rather than judging their experiences. But you go in and tell them what they did wrong instead. So they feel upset and think you’re not great.”

Leo made a defiant face. “Hmph. Why should I give them sympathy if they’re doing something wrong? Surely I should be honest and tell them exactly how they’re messing up. If they just want a yes man for a friend, then they shouldn't be my friend.”

Eric chuckled, as he had predicted Leo’s response. “Yeah, I see what you mean. Why should you give sympathy to someone who made a mistake, right?” His client gave a slow nod, though he looked suspicious. Eric said, “Yet, they don’t need to ‘deserve’ sympathy for you to give them sympathy.”

“Huh? Why should I bother giving them something when they don’t deserve it?” Leo questioned with a disapproving lift of his brows.

Eric laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, I can think of a few reasons. For instance, if you want them to feel happier with you, then meeting their needs for sympathy can help. As for why you would care about their happiness with you, well, I find that happy people are usually easier to deal with, and more likely to cooperate with you.”

***

His therapist was a riddle.

Leo knew that Eric didn’t think the same way as everyone else, since he was a therapist, and maybe because he was just Eric. But Isakawa still managed to surprise him.

The Vagastrom vice captain smirked. “Are you telling me I should be selfish and manipulate people into giving me what I want?”

Eric’s face looked innocent. “Is that called selfish and manipulating? I thought this was just practical, and it doesn’t hurt anybody, either.”

Kurosagi Leo frowned. Usually, Leo was the one who told people to get over themselves, as he was just being practical. It felt bizarre to hear it from Eric. “Are you such a pragmatist?” Leo questioned.

The teal hair flopped as Eric nodded. “Guilty as charged. I’ve always been a pragmatist.” He blinked. “Does that bother you?”

Leo gaped a bit, then said, “Not exactly. I would say I’m pretty pragmatic, but I’ve only heard people see it as something bad and selfish. Never something good.” He made a face. “No, poor choice of words. Not ‘good’ but benign. But you said you don’t hurt people…” He trailed off.

Eric bobbed his head. “Yep. I’m all about practicality, but I just make sure to do no harm to others. Isn’t that what you do too? You seem quite practical, but I don’t get the sense that you like hurting people, either.”

Something clenched in his chest. Leo snorted. “You’re probably the first person who thinks I don’t like hurting people.”

“Then what do you think?” Eric asked.

The influencer let out a deep sigh. “You like to talk circles around me, don't you, Eric?” His therapist just smiled at that and didn’t respond. “You know, I’m not as nice as you seem to think I am. If the reason is right, I won’t hesitate to hurt people. Or get someone else to do the hurting.”

To his annoyance, Eric just lifted his brows and seemed unbothered. “All right. We talked about how ‘hurting’ is also dependent on the context, right? Like how a soldier would have to hurt enemies to do their job, but that's not necessarily evil.”

Leo dragged his hands through his hair. “Not sure if you’re really this naive, or if you’re just putting on an act.” Ugh, Eric seemed unfazed by this remark as well. Ever since the last session, Eric kept his promise and became more expressive facially. But there were many things that truly didn’t ruffle him at all. Maybe Eric had seen too much to really care. Leo set his jaw. “Well, I did tell you that I blackmail and extort gross rich men on the regular. Doesn’t that bother you? Outright blackmail and extortion?”

His therapist gave a small shrug. “Honestly, no. You told me that these guys had it coming. They were crooks themselves. You did their victims a favor by knocking them down and scaring them.”

Leo couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, I did knock them down a peg, and maybe spooked them a little. But it’s not like I actually stopped them from doing gross stuff anymore. I mostly did it because they had a lot of money and I wanted the funds. Completely selfish reasons.” Leo shrugged, mimicking his therapist in a mocking manner.

Eric chuckled. If one could win poker with an animated face, Eric would be it. He was expressive but somehow gave nothing away. “Okay, I didn’t expect you to become a police officer and arrest them, and give them jail time, either. But knocking these crooks is still good. You know, there are a lot of rich people in the world. Why did you specifically choose gross rich men? They’re not the only wealthy criminals, either.”

Leo glowered at Eric. “Duh! There’s something special about sexual stuff. Not only are they caught watching disturbing and illegal videos on their computer, for instance. But this tarnishes their reputation with their friends, family, and possibly even business partners and clients. These men are disgusting pigs anyway, so might as well threaten to expose them, and walk away with a ton of money from them.”

The smile on Eric’s face only grew wider, the asshole. He said, “Honestly, that sounds pretty wonderful to me. It’s like vigilante justice, in a way. I hear you about sexual crimes being especially destructive to the men’s reputation. But other than that, there’s something so satisfying about the idea of threatening, and punishing, a guy who is so horrendous and vile in the first place.”

Despite everything, Leo found himself nodding. “Yeah. These slimy fuckers are often good at evading the police, or paying them off so the cops look the other way. Not many people have the guts to do something about these assholes, let alone take their money in the process.”

Eric nodded with sympathy, his hand still resting on his prim chin. "You're right. Most of us can only complain about injustices. But you actually take them on. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, right?"

Kurosagi Leo shuttered his eyelids dramatically. "Of course. But what I'm wondering is, why are you acting so buddy-buddy with me? Is this what all therapists do?"

In spite of Leo's acerbic tone, Eric appeared undisturbed. He asked gently, “Would you rather we be enemies instead?”

Leo glared at him. “You’re dodging my question.”

Eric laughed. “All right. Well, personally, I don’t see it as acting buddy-buddy with you. To me, we’re just two people discussing a topic together. Sometimes we disagree, and sometimes we agree. That’s it.”

Leo put a hand on his hips. “You’re acting like a magician. A poor one, by the way.”

His therapist shrugged and looked cheerful. “This is just the way I talk, I’m afraid. I’ve never been a good liar or actor, so I’d rather just give you my opinions straight.” Leo was about to bark back that he'd like Eric’s “honest opinion” on certain things, when Eric spoke up again. “By the way, since I shared my thoughts on why you think you’re great, but many others seem to disagree, it’s your turn to share. You promised!”

The influencer grinded his teeth. It was true that he promised. He had hoped that Eric would forget, but oh well. Perhaps he could find another way to get his therapist. Leo said, “Fine. I think I’m great because I’m smart, I get things done, and I’m brave, not like those cowards and idiots. But other people think I’m not great because they’re jealous and can’t stand that someone else is smarter, more efficient, and bolder than them. The losers!”

After his passionate spiel, he watched his therapist for his reaction. Eric’s face looked sad and another emotion Leo couldn’t name. “Ah, I see what you mean, Leo. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you feel unappreciated by the people around you?”

The influencer bunched his eyebrows together in disbelief. “Huh? How did you listen to my speech just now and conclude that I must feel ‘unappreciated by the people around me’?” He made sure to put enough spite and mockery into his voice.

Eric didn’t even flinch at Leo’s hard tone. Instead, he explained, “It’s the way you talk. For what it’s worth, I have no doubt that you are a very intelligent, courageous, and efficient man, and that many of us, maybe even most of us, could do well to learn from you. I don’t disagree with any of that. It just seems like people don’t recognize these strengths in you, they don’t acknowledge that you are smart, brave, effective. So it feels like you have to yell louder, get angry, because otherwise, people will keep ignoring you and dismissing your efforts.”

To Leo’s bewilderment, his eyes grew warm at Eric’s words. But he was going to take his time to respond, damn it. So he was silent for a while. He stared out the window, at the tall buildings outside in the streets of Tokyo. Thankfully, Eric didn’t rush him.

At last, Leo said, “People really do suck. Plenty of them praise Sho-Chan, Alan, Subaru, even that damn Honor Roll for their work and efforts. Even if they didn't contribute that much to the task. But when I put in my all, strategizing for them, making decisions because my teammates keep asking me what to do, restrategizing to adapt to changes, even getting information from people by making myself nice and charming, ugh, well, what do I get? It’s always: ‘Leo is so mean. Leo is so annoying. He’s such an asshole. Blablablabla.’

“Again, it did get much better with Cap. At least he does thank me now and acknowledge that I’m good at what I do. But aside from Cap and Ro-Ro, no one really cares about what I contribute. They just harp on about what they don’t like about me. Sure, we won’t all like each other. I don’t like all of my colleagues, either. But they should at least have the courtesy to recognize what their teammate did for them, especially if I saved their life, too.

“So maybe you’re right. Most people do take me for granted. They complain when I don't give them what they want, and ignore all the things I have done for them. It’s like my work doesn’t matter while everybody else’s does.” Something painful lodged into Leo’s chest as he said that, as if he were swallowing glass.

While he was glad that Sho was coming around and talking to him again, he realized that he had a lingering resentment towards his (former) best friend. Sho always got all the praise and admiration, while Leo just got criticism and hate. Despite that Leo did just as much, or even more work, than Sho did on their missions.

Leo knew that life wasn’t fair, so it wasn't like he could expect any better from people. But talking to Eric about this…made Leo wish that things were different.

Strange. He felt sad. Something silent and heavy grew on him, and once again, he stared off into the streets of Tokyo.

“Eric, this is damn depressing. I’m ending our session early today, sorry.” Though he didn't feel sorry. It was Eric’s fault for dragging him into this sad, downer territory. He hated these feelings so much.