Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Come on, pick up. 

Okay, it honestly might not have been a smart move to assume Tooru would be doing anything but getting wasted at some random party, especially on a weekend, but he's always complaining that I'm "going bad" at such a young age. Like he isn't the one who taught me. 

I tap my foot impatiently as I finally heave out an irritated sigh, looking at the screen of outgoing calls towards my idiotic brother, but my head starts to pulse with an oncoming headache. I squeeze my eyes shut to ward it off, but for a girl "going bad", you'd think I'd have more of a tolerance for loud bass booming and shitty cocktails.

I'm about to head out the front doors of this stupid party when some guy pushes past me and I hear some people outside calling attention to some guy pulled up front. I'm too tipsy to really catch these details until I finally see the reason why. I want to duck my head and disappear when I see that familiar dark brown hair pushed awry from his motorcycle helmet and just make him pick me up on the corner, like he used to drop me at the movies with my friends. Still, I have no such luck even as I send him an annoyed text. 

I watch Hajime check his watch and even though I'm still trying to blend in with the other college students, his eyes catch on me and I know my best choice is to just get this over with. Even with many whispers and eyes on his stupid bike, I walk swiftly down the sidewalk towards him, crossing my arms as if to fold in on myself. Hajime gives me a curious tilt of his head, but he signals understanding with an exasperated sigh, slowly trailing his bike up to me as I go further down the quiet street, besides the thumping of this house party and others. 

"Uber's here." Hajime calls out a few languid strides from me before finally putting his foot down and planting his bike, making me stop and turn around, scanning to make sure he's no longer the center of attention, and subsequently me by association. With the partygoers blurry in the distance, I sigh with my own irritation at my drunken state. When I turn that less than stellar picture onto my ride, I snort.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I ordered a time machine back to the 90s." I run a condescending pointer finger down his getup and end with it waving at his motorcycle.

"Very funny, smart ass. Now get on." Hajime is already gesturing to the back of the bike but my stomach twists at the idea with so much alcohol in my stomach. Plus, I'm not very inclined to accept his offer, considering I didn't even ask for his help. I glance from him to the dark street, hoping to manifest another option.

"Where's Tooru?" 

"Somewhere stupid, probably." Hajime leans back slightly against the bike as if knowing this is going to take a while. "Honestly, he's so unreliable, and probably too drunk to drive you anywhere, so I don't know what you were expecting." 

"Oh, but I can expect you?" I give him a little tilt and smirk, sure I'm going to use that information for my advantage at a later date. "Good to know." 

Apparently, Hajime isn't in the mood for games he doesn't seem to win instead nodding his chin back to the bike. "Look, either get on the bike or start walking." 

I chew on my lip as I take one last fleeting glance towards the party, only to trail the figure of a guy leaning off the edge of the porch to throw up in the bushes, a couple of girls squealing in disgust nearby. I grimace before slowly turning back to see Hajime's eyebrow lift expectantly, and I heave out a dramatic sigh. I bounce my leg nervously as my inebriated mind tries to come up with another answer. Still, the walk is long and I'm tired so I end up whining out my defeat.

"Fine." I throw my hands out to make sure it's obvious how unhappy I am with this solution, ripping the complimentary helmet he's holding out to me, even with eyes fixed on his phone, replying with one hand.

I look at him for just a moment longer, trying to assess the situation as well as I can. Taking my chances on his distracted nature, I quickly try to straddle the seat, overly aware of how difficult the short skirt would cooperate with my new riding arrangement. Usually I'd wear a pair of shorts under it or just ditch a skirt altogether, but God forbid a girl try to feel sexy since she's finally out of small town suburbia and riding the wave of bonafide adulthood. Still, I'm kind of regretting it since the whole night was a total bust, wasted on the likes of this dunce.

Speaking of, I bring my eyes back to hopefully see his profile still staring at his phone, but his eyes are looking at me expectantly, maybe even a little impatiently. I roll my eyes and groan before using a palm to shove his face away as I grumble.

"Don't look at me, pervert." 

"That..." His eyes dart down to my waist and I cringe internally, my shoulders raising in tension as my ears turn pink in embarrassment. "...thing is slowing us down." Hajime retorts, shaking his head in disbelief that I'm trying to turn it around on him. 

"And you're the one wearing a 'bad boy #3' costume from Party City." I huff out the insult as I shift uncomfortably, my skirt hiking up in a way I wish it magically couldn't. As Hajime does his own shifting to get ready to drive, my thighs press against his warm body even with every effort to stay as far away as possible. 

It's stupid that he came on his bike because we're just going a couple blocks, his engine a slight purr. I'm sure he couldn't help showing off.

"I'm just saying, you look kinda-" 

"What? Slutty? I didn't expect you to also adopt the 90s insults, loser." 

Hajime grits his teeth in annoyance at my perception, not saying anything as his grip tightens on the handles at my words. 

"I was going to say you look like you're trying too hard." 

I tug at his motorcycle jacket just to prove a point as I snort. "Well, I learned from the best, don't you think?" 

"Oh, you're hilarious. Truly." Hajime deadpans the answer while throwing a glance behind to look at me, a slightly amused grin mirroring mine back at me. I nod back to the road, even though it's seriously an easy drive back to the road nearest my dorm building.

"Keep your eyes on the road, I won't be caught dead with you in those pants." I give him a quick scan even though he can't see it, my lips twisting in disdain.

I feel more than hear a soft scoff pass through his. "Sorry, I didn't know I was taking fashion advice from a girl wearing a 'stereotypical sexy outfit'." He tilts his head thoughtfully and I can practically see the picture of sarcasm moving through his features even from behind. "I couldn't sworn I saw that costume an aisle over..." 

I'm not sure if it's the alcohol or the easy banter between us but I can't help but tease him as I lean forward, pressing my chest to his back and my hands around his middle tighten. "You think it's sexy?" 

I can feel his own shoulders tense and another more hesitant scoff leaving his lips as his head shakes, but I've already latched on to his mistake. "What? No, I-"

"Ooh, do I sense some shift in the universe right now?" I let out the words loud and carefree as I lean back slightly, as if hearing the whisperings of the wind, making the observation holy. My hair tousles as I lean back in once more, shaking at his sides now like I won't let him ignore fate. "Does Mr. Superior Thinking have a thing for freshman girls?" I let out an exaggerated gasp. "How scandalous." 

Hajime doesn't dignify my taunts with a response and I pout even though he can't see it. Still, I'm too tired to throw a fit, leaning forward again to rest my cheek between his shoulder blades, shivering a little with the speed of the wind making my bare arms colder than before.

"You didn't bring a jacket or anything?" I guess he decided to speak after making sure I lost my will to tease him, but his voice is a little gruff with a tinge of concern leaking into the words.

"Not sexy enough." I mumble out my joke, feeling tired, but then my shift makes me suddenly remember a crucial garment (or lack of) to enhance the sexiness, my nipples already hard against his back. I'm debating whether I should move back or not, which would be more obvious, and how long have I been like this? Has he noticed? 

"It's like 10 degrees out right now." Hajime overexaggerates the fall weather because his ass gets cold so easily, and I roll my eyes even as I shiver in the October air.

"Haven't you heard the news? Hoes don't get cold." I chuckle at the stupid tipsy joke, and I know he's rolling his eyes right back. After a few more minutes of silence except the sound of his bike's obnoxious nature, we arrive near my dorm. I don't wait for him to shut off the engine, adjusting my skirt slightly so that when I hop off, I'll hopefully still have most of my dignity intact. I don't look at him so I can pretend that's exactly what happened, unclipping my helmet with no effort to smooth down the messy hair. I sway just the tiniest amount with the introduction of solid ground. 

"Thanks, I guess." I give a little shrug, but my smile tells him that I actually don't hate that he pulls through for me.

I see his eyes studying my hair and I feel a slight tug of self-consciousness, but not a lot. He sat with me in the office waiting for my parents to pick me up after I puked all over my school uniform back during my first year in junior high. Hajime can handle it. 

"You should be more careful, you know." 

"Oh, I know, getting on motorcycles with men who look like they smoke year-old cigarettes they found in abandoned ashtrays? So very irresponsible of me." I put a hand to my heart as if the idea is unbearable, but then I slightly regret the way that his eyes move to my chest with the action, my boobs seemingly enjoying the attention. He clears his throat as my arms move to cross, hoping that he has enough tact to remain quiet.

"I meant you shouldn't go to parties and get drunk. Especially when you're..." I see a creeping of red ascend his collar as he lifts a sort of reluctant hand towards my outfit, as if he wasn't sure of committing to dying on this hill. 

"Newsflash, dinosaur. This-" I use both hands to lean forward and gesture quickly along my whole body as if he can't see it, my irritation coming through with the bite of my voice. "-is what people wear to parties. Where the fuck else would I wear it, church?" 

He clenches his jaw, shutting off his engine as if in the argument for the long haul. It makes me let out a defeated sigh as my eyes flutter close, knowing I don't want to do this tonight. "Yeah, maybe some people do. But maybe not freshman girls that should really be studying for their midterms." Hajime tries to appear nonchalant, crossing his arms but I know that he's just putting on the airs of someone who wants to come off as mature. He's only three years older, for God's sake.

I groan and do a 180 turn as if to leave, but then I pace right back towards him, unable to not have the last word, sticking an accusing finger right in his face. "God, you're so condescending! I'm an adult, I'm studying, and maybe, just maybe..." I pinch two fingers together to really drive the point through his thick skull. "...I'm also allowed to fucking party. Wearing whatever the hell I want." My challenge is characterized with my heaving breath, my hair slightly stood up with static.

"An adult." Hajime's gaze turns out as he looks away from my face, his jaw muscle twitching even as his lips curve in a sneer at the mere idea that I think that about myself. How dare I think so, even though legally, I am?

"Oh, screw you, Hajime." I drive my pointer into his chest, glaring up at him as he turns to look down at me, metaphorically and physically. "I am an adult. Stop trying to be a pseudo-brother to me. If you need someone to feel superior to, my real one is right there." I gesture off to the side, as if a metaphorical Tooru just got thrown under the bus of my stubborn pride. 

"Well, sorry for wanting to look out for you." His tone is sharp and defensive, almost like he can't believe he has to defend this to the very person who called. Maybe not him exactly, but she definitely wanted someone to come.

I let out a humorless chuckle even with an empty smile on my face, disbelief marring my features as I turn off to look away from him as well, as if the night has the words to pull from the air. I return my gaze, now hardened as I lift a hand to gesture haphazardly towards him. "I already fucking said thank you! And yet you...you..." I huff out slightly as I run a hand through my disheveled hair. "You can't help but be an asshole." 

I can tell our fight is driving him up the wall as he mimics the movement, messing up already perfectly messy hair, hair that doesn't bother with physics. "You should be happy that I at least care enough to be a dick to you!" 

"Well, stop caring." I sneer before pointing down the road, in hopes of driving him off. I don't need anyone's lame coming-of-age advice. "I can handle it myself, Charming." 

Hajime scoffs and doesn't seem to entertain the idea of leaving as he shakes his head. "Oh, you can handle it, can you? That's rich, considering you can't even handle your alcohol." 

I let out an incredulous laugh before turning my head towards the sky, almost whining about having to talk to someone so inconceivably rude. 

"Why the hell am I being berated right now?" I turn back to him, arms open wide, imploring in my anger. "Where the fuck is my praise for just having one!" I hold up one finger. "One fucking drink! For texting Tooru instead of any of the millions of other things I could've done tonight?!" 

Hajime lifts his shoulders in a shrug, nodding at me like a challenge. "And what else could you have done tonight? Let me guess, some poor joke of a guy who also should be home studying?" 

"What, you don't think I could pull someone hot?" My face contorts in anger and embarrassment, my breath leaving me like a huffy chuckle.

"Oh my god." He groans up at the sky now, running a hand down his tan face as he keeps the hand to gesture towards me in exasperation. "What do you want me to say, that you're the most desirable girl at that lame party tonight?" He lets the hands fall in defeat, smiling falsely while tilting his head. "You were the most desirable girl at the party tonight. Congratu-fucking-lations." 

My neck flushes, painting my body up to my ears in a pink hue with how worked up I am. How embarrassed. How angry. I've started shaking my clenched fists before I realize, and when I do I let them go. 

"Fuck. You." 

Hajime tries to keep me from going by grasping on my forearm but I rip it away easily, turning back with a snarl even as he tries to backtrack. "I'm just-" 

"What?" I snarl out. "You just need to make me feel like shit by the end of the night? Well-" I let out a bitter chuckle, mirroring his motions from earlier before stalking off towards my dorm.

"Congratu-fucking-lations." 

Chapter Text

We don't really talk all that much in the first place, so there was no opportunity to reconcile. In all honesty, we fight like siblings, so this fight was novel in its vulnerability. I yell at Tooru on the phone about sending Hajime instead of picking me up himself, and he scolds me for being a brat.

The next time we even run into each other, I had a couple friends say they got hint of another college party that weekend. Almost in spite of the drama of last time I agree to go: but this time, I am drinking. So much that by the time I catch the sight of his hair and demeanor, I think I'm dreaming up some version of him plastered on another random college guy. But I'm not.

He'd been standing in a corner, sipping a red solo cup of whatever alcohol he could get his hands on, when he sees me stumbling through the crowd, clearly intoxicated. He stands there for a moment, a mix of surprise and concern washing over him as he recognized the familiar look in my bleary eyes. Seeing me this drunk again, especially after your last fight, makes him feel conflicted. On one hand, he wants to walk away, to ignore and avoid another fight. But on the other hand, there's an odd sense of responsibility.

My eyes squint in his general direction, but unable to discern the reality of the situation yet, I hop up on a table to the hollers of the people situated around the kitchen. I'm not sure if I do it in spite of my dream mirage of him being there, or just to prove that I can have fun regardless of company, but I'm up there.

He stands there in the corner, a mix of annoyance and concern etched across his face. He watches as the people cheer and hoot, their voices growing louder as I start to move with the beat of the music.

Don't do it. He mentally resists the urge to help me out, especially since I didn't want it last time. She wants to be an idiot, let her.

He's almost able to convince himself and turn away from the trainwreck, but the party doesn't seem to want to stop looking.

"Holy shit, that girl is blasted." Kuroo laughs as his gaze follows me, saying the last word half into the echo of his red solo cup.

Hajime winces at his friend's comment, his irritation growing as he hears his friend's remark. He takes a long sip from his own cup, his gaze still fixated on the girl dancing.

"Yeah, she clearly can't hold her liquor. Probably trying to prove something to someone." It's probably me.

"Damn, you gonna do your whole thesis on this girl?" The taller boy laughs and nudges Hajime's shoulder, unaware of the way Hajime's stare is way too familiar.

"Piss off, man." Hajime grunts in response, taking another long sip from his cup, trying to hide his agitation. Kuroo raises his eyebrows at Hajime's tone, a sly catlike grin spreading across his face.

"Oh, damn, you do know her, don't you?" He teases, nudging Hajime's shoulder again.

"Unfortunately." Hajime mutters irritably, his friend's teasing adding to his already growing annoyance. His friend huffs out a laugh, his smirk widening at Hajime's reaction. He leans in closer, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"Oh, god." Kuroo leans in conspiratorially. "Is she an ex or something?"

"Ex? Please." Hajime scoffs, rolling his eyes as he speaks. The very idea of being romantically involved with me is laughable. "She's my friend's younger sister."

His friend's eyebrows raise in surprise, a wolfish grin now plastered on his face as he takes another sip from his cup.

"Really? She's kind of..." Kuroo gives Hajime a surprised expression before looking back at me, then raising an eyebrow as he glances at Hajime's reaction from the side.

"Kind of what?" Hajime responds, trying to keep his tone neutral, but there's a hint of defensiveness in his voice. His friend groans and tilts his head up to the ceiling.

"Bro, these parties are so fucking lame. She-" He tilts and nods his head and cup towards me, pointing. "-seems like she knows how to have fun."

"She's also wasted, genius." Hajime retorts, rolling his eyes at his friends' unsubtle ogling. "And, she's my friend's sister, remember?" He adds with a firm glare, his protective instincts flaring up.

"Yeah, but she's not your sister." His friend wiggles his eyebrows playfully, obviously enjoying getting under Hajime's skin, before he shrugs with a smirk still present. "I don't know your friend."

Hajime grits his teeth, his annoyance reaching its limit. He shoots a murderous glare at his friend, his voice low and warning. "You're not hooking up with her, Kuroo. Drop it."

"Damn, Iwa. I was just fucking with you." Kuroo lets out a chuckle, but the way it trails off suggests maybe he wasn't entirely joking before hearing how strongly Hajime feels about it. He declares he's gonna get another drink before stalking off, leaving the ogling to the group still surrounding me. Hajime lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair as he watches the dark-haired guy walk away. He's annoyed at his friend's audacity, but more than that, he's frustrated with himself. Frustrated by the way he can't seem to tear his eyes away from me, the way his body is tense with concern and something else he can't quite place. He takes a long sip from his cup, his gaze flickering back to the group of ogling guys surrounding like sharks circling their prey.

Eventually, I lower myself on the table, still standing on it, but I tug at a tall guy's shirt and start to kiss him, only to be met with more hollers, which is what finally makes him snap.

"For fuck's sake-" he curses under his breath, his jaw clenching as he pushes himself off the wall and starts making his way towards the table and commotion.

I'm sloppily lapping at this guy's face, honestly, just trying to distract myself in my boozy haze, brain unavailable when I hear someone shouting over the cheers.

"HEY!" He snaps, his voice cutting through the noise of the group as he approaches. He grabs my wrist firmly, his grip tight and unyielding, and forcefully pulls me away from the dazed and confused guy that just had his lips taken from a strange drunk girl, but he definitely isn't complaining.

The shout quiets most of the people but the music is still booming in my ears along with my pulse, so when I get forcefully ripped away from the lips I've been kissing, I let out a soft whine before I can even comprehend what's happening.

"Jesus Christ, how much did you drink?" He grumbles, his voice gruff but tinged with concern. He scans my face, taking in the hazy eyes and flushed cheeks, the clear signs of intoxication.

"You don't like it?" I pout as I run my hands up his arms, unsure of who it is entirely in the party, but he feels familiar and I really feel like sucking face.

Hajime's eyes widen in surprise at the feel of my hands on his arms, the touch sending a jolt through his body. He tries to ignore the way his heart rate spikes at the new proximity and the way his traitorous body reacts, but it's damn near impossible. "You're shitfaced, that's what you are." He grumbles, his voice a mix of annoyance and something else he can't quite put a finger on as he grabs my hands, trying to push me away from him.

I let out a series of giggles as he grabs my hands and moves them towards my sides. I lean in some, my eyes bleary as I tilt my face up to his, the alcohol potent on my breath. "You're play..." I hiccup. "...ing hard-to-get." I slur out.

Hajime's heart stutters in his chest as I lean in closer, my face just inches away from his. The smell of alcohol on my breath is strong, but it mixes with my familiar scent, the combination doing things to him that it absolutely shouldn't. He feels his resolve starting to waver, his grip on my hands growing weaker.

"I'm not playing anything." He mutters under his breath, his voice gruff but lacking in conviction.

"You could play with me." I tease him softly, running a leg up his calf, but my balance is awful, causing him to slip another arm around me to make sure I don't fall, cursing all the while. I giggle as he leans in to catch me, whispering the words against the shell of his ear. "If you want."

It takes all his willpower not to react to the gesture. He instinctively grabs me, his arms wrapping around to prevent me from tumbling to the floor. The feel of my body so close to his sends a jolt of electricity through him, and he has to resist the urge to pull me even closer. My words against his ear, though whispered, are like a siren's call, and it takes all his self-control not to give in to them.

"What the FUCK is going on here, Iwa-chan?" Tooru's voice rings out loudly towards the both of us, causing Hajime to jump and for me to look ashamed, apparently the only voice I could recognize in my drunken stupor.

Hajime stiffens at the sound of Tooru's voice, his heart rate speeding up even further as he looks up to see Tooru standing there, his expression a mix of confusion and annoyance.

"I-" Hajime starts, his voice faltering as he tries to explain the situation, but it's hard to find the right words even if he was stone-cold sober. "It's not what it looks like-"

"Really? Because it looks like you have your hands all over my fucking sister." Tooru yells loudly, and I can't help a small grin spread across my mouth which Tooru zeros in on immediately. "Jesus fuck." Tooru spews my name like it's garbage as he reprimands me. "What the fuck did you do?"

Hajime's grip tightens involuntarily at Tooru's words, his heart racing in his chest as the situation quickly spirals out of control. He tries to speak up, to defend himself, but Tooru's furious gaze is fixed on me, his anger palpable. "She's been drinking, and-" He begins, trying to explain, but Tooru cuts him off, his eyes narrowing as he sees my slight grin.

"You're damn right she has been! Look at her-"

"I drank and drankanddrankand..." I chuckle as my words start to blend together. Even as I'm getting scolded, I can't help but laugh.

Hajime can't help but wince at the casual way I'm acting, shifting to make sure I don't trip backward. Tooru's expression only darkens further, his jaw clenched tightly, the mixture of anger and concern etched onto his face.

"Enough already, shut up," Tooru barks out at me, his voice rough with irritation as he looks between me and Hajime, a glare fixed on the latter.

I give a scandalized look as I shut my mouth, trying to suppress my mirth. But it's pretty much futile when two seconds later I'm laughing. "Oh, he's mad." I comment in a childish voice, unaware of how fucked this situation is.

Tooru pinches the bridge of his nose, his frustration mounting with every second that passes. He glares at me, his eyes narrowing as I laugh. "Damn right I'm mad," he snaps, his voice sharp and cutting. "You're so goddamn drunk you can't even string a coherent sentence together. This is unacceptable-"

"A whole sentence, I made." I hold up a finger as if to correct him while speaking in a very shitty Yoda voice, adding humor to a moment that really shouldn't have any as I break out in giggles.

Tooru looks dumbfounded for a moment, his annoyance momentarily replaced by disbelief. "Oh for fuck's sake," he groans, running a hand through his hair in frustration, repeating Hajime's earlier sentiment at this drunken behavior. Hajime can't help but chuckle under his breath, despite the situation, my behavior too absurd to not find amusing.

Tooru glares at us both and we both shut our mouths. After a few moments of silent glaring between us, Tooru sighs and grits out. "Outside. Now." Before anyone can protest, Tooru grabs my arm and starts dragging me out, much to my drunken complaint. Hajime follows suit, trying to keep up with Tooru's long strides. As soon as they step outside, the cool night air hits them, contrasting the warmth and noise of the party. Once they reach a quieter spot away from the main entrance, Tooru releases me and turns to face us both, his expression still dark with anger.

Tooru points to me and says my name as if giving me a serious order. "Shut the fuck up." Then he turns that finger to my companion. "Iwa-chan, you better have some answers right now or I swear to God-" 

"I found her inside, she was dancing on the table, and she seemed completely wasted. I tried to stop her, but she was too far gone." He explains, his voice steady though the hint of panic is still present.

Tooru has his hands on his hips and his furrowed brow shifts in my direction to where I've sat on a porch bench. When I see Tooru's attention on me, I start to bump recklessly to the music again, laughing as I imitate dancing. If Tooru had any doubts, they were wiped away as with any amusement on his face.

"Jesus Christ," Tooru mutters under his breath, rubbing his temple in frustration. "You're a hot mess."

"No you are the mess." I slur out with no care for punctuation as I point a sloppy finger towards him and then circle back to Hajime. "I was just dancing." I complain loudly to the night air.

"Yeah, you were just dancing on a table in front of a bunch of horny guys who wanted to take you home like a trophy-" Tooru retorts in exasperation, his voice growing louder. Hajime flinches at the words, but the truth hits hard, making him ashamed for some reason at watching it go down. 

"Yeah..." I comment with a little scoff, jaw hanging but I point a flippant hand in Hajime's direction as I argue. "...And he won."

Tooru's eyes snap to Hajime at the offhand remark, his expression hardening even further. Hajime feels his cheeks flush red at my words, his eyes widening in surprise. He shoots a panicked glance at Tooru, his heart pounding in his chest. "That-" He tries to protest, but Tooru cuts him off.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Tooru growls, taking a step forward, his eyes fixed on Hajime's flushed face.

"Me: trophy. Him..." I make a sloppy drum roll by rolling my tongue and tapping my thighs before I yell out in a low gruff voice. "Victorious!" I say it like a gladiator before descending into chuckles, followed by some hiccups.

Tooru's eyebrows shoot up at the explanation, his irritation giving way to disbelief. He crosses his arms, his gaze flickering between us, as if expecting one of us to confess or deny the statement.

"He's victorious?" He repeats, his tone flat, before turning his gaze onto Hajime. Hajime is still flushed red, his throat dry, his mind struggling to find the right words. How the hell was he supposed to explain this? Tooru's gaze is positively murderous and completely blank like a serial killer's at the same time. I've started playing with some threads in the cushions of the seat so I've left Hajime to fend for himself unbeknownst.

Hajime swallows hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he tries to think of something, anything, to say to Tooru. But the words won't come, and he can feel himself starting to panic under Tooru's gaze. "I-" He starts weakly, his voice cracking slightly, but he's cut off abruptly by a loud hiccup and their eyes both move towards the source.

"Ooh...sorry..." I try to suppress my chuckle. With their attentions focused on me, I groan and point an accusing finger towards Tooru. "You ruined it!" I accuse with a sad sigh.

Tooru's irritation is momentarily forgotten as he glares at me with a mix of annoyance and exasperation. "Ruined what, exactly?" He retorts, his voice flat.

"Our kiss!" I point at Hajime from the side, not looking at him as I glare at Tooru.

"What the-" Tooru sputters, his irritation rising once more. "Your what now?" He almost yells, his gaze shifting back to Hajime, who looks like he's about to faint any second now.

"She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying." Hajime protests, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I'm saying a lot, but I want to say no more." I comment drunkenly, but Tooru doesn't even spare me a glance.

"So why the fuck did I find you guys pressed up against each other in a dark corner of the damn party?" Tooru scowls.

Hajime can feel his cheeks heat up again at Tooru's choice of words, but he stands his ground, keeping his expression neutral. "It wasn't-" He starts to protest, but Tooru cuts him off with a scoff.

"Save it. I saw you with my own damn eyes." He snaps, his voice rough.

"I was seducing..." I look at Hajime and squint. "...uh...Tada...shi?" I try to recall his name but his face is so blurry that I can't even recall.

Tooru raises an eyebrow, turning to look at Hajime with a mixture of confusion and amusement. "Tadashi?" He repeats, his tone mocking. Hajime's cheeks flush even redder at your drunken attempt to recall his name, his heart rate quickening once more. He shoots a panicked glance at Tooru, who looks like he's about to burst into laughter.

"Wait..." My eyes try to train on Hajime and he finally comes into enough focus where my eyes spark recognition for the second time tonight and I light up.

"Hajime! You came!" In any other circumstance, this would bring some joy to Hajime. Unfortunately, it's completely overtaken by his realization that I was going to make out with someone who I didn't think was him. Who I thought was a random stranger. That the whole scenario was never based with him in mind.

"Yeah...I'm here." He manages to say, his voice hoarse. Hajime and I both ignore Tooru's laughter building up in his throat at the absurdity of my state.

"Wait..." I start to cross my arms as my brow furrows, and my lip starts to jut. "I'm mad at you."

"Mad at me?" He repeats, his voice cracking slightly, his mind slow from the small amount of alcohol ingested and the daze of figuring out I didn't know it was him until moments ago.

"Last party, you were mean." I say with a nod.

"I-" He begins, but Tooru cuts him off with a scoff.

"Seriously?" He mutters, rolling his eyes, seemingly done with the conversation that has nothing to do with him.

Tooru cuts off whatever stupid melodrama he decides we've been entertaining.

"Tell me you weren't going to kiss her." Tooru looks at Hajime with an incredulous disbelieving glare, one that is part 'I don't even know why I have to ask' and the other being '...I do have to ask...right?'

"No, I wasn't." Hajime answers, his voice steady. He looks at Tooru, his eyes pleading with him to believe him, to understand that he had no intention of taking advantage of your drunken state. Though part of him wonders if he'd be upset if he was the one I had grabbed rather than the random stranger at the table.

Tooru nods solemnly, the muscle in his jaw jumping before he yanks me up. He grits out at me. "We're leaving." As he drags me towards his car, I give one last stumbling wave.

"Bye..." I say regretfully, a little pout hidden in the corner of my lips.

He waves back weakly, his hand moving robotically. He can't bring himself to speak, his throat dry and tight. He watches as you disappear into the backseat of Tooru's car, his heart heavy with a mixture of regret and longing.

Later that night, when Hajime sobered enough and walked around at night to cool off and he returned to his and Tooru's apartment, he finds me in Tooru's shirt and shorts slumbering loudly on their couch, drooling. It makes Hajime smile if only for a half beat before slinking off to his room. In the morning, I'm gone.

Chapter Text

Tooru instead is waiting for Hajime, sipping coffee nonchalantly this glorious morning, but Hajime knows better. Hajime pads into the kitchen, his eyes heavy from the night before. He sees Tooru sitting at the kitchen table and his heart sinks. He knows that look on Tooru's face.

"Morning." Hajime mutters, his voice rough as he makes his way to the coffee maker. He can feel Tooru's gaze on him, waiting. Waiting for him to break the silence.

"How's your head?" Tooru asks instead of starting a fight immediately, clocking that Hajime wasn't entirely sober. The question catches Hajime off guard, and he pauses for a moment before answering.

"It's alright. Considering." He says, pouring a cup of coffee. He can feel the tension in the air, the unspoken words hanging between them like a sword waiting to drop. He can't help but flinch slightly, knowing what's coming next. There's some silence as they sit with the morning before Tooru starts in a seemingly innocent tone.

"She's my sister."

Hajime takes a sip of his coffee, wincing as the hot liquid hits his tongue. He sets the cup down, his hands trembling slightly as he braces himself for what's to come. "Yeah, I know." He says quietly, his gaze fixed on the table. He can feel the weight of Tooru's words, the implications behind them. He knows where this conversation is going.

"...We all grew up together." Tooru continues easily, swirling the light brown liquid in his coffee cup, filled with artificial sweeteners and premature heart attacks. Hajime nods, his expression neutral.

"Yeah, you've mentioned that before." He says, his voice flat. He can't suppress the flicker of guilt that rises in his chest at the memory of last night. Tooru ignores the sarcasm and he continues.

"So you know she's an annoying brat, through and through." Hajime can't help but chuckle weakly at Tooru's words, the corner of his mouth lifting just a little bit.

"Yeah, I've noticed." He says, his tone more fond than he was prepared for. He clears his throat, trying to push down the warmth blossoming in his chest.

"Great. Then it's settled." Tooru smiles carefree, almost as if denying any nuance to the conversation before setting his glass down in the sink, almost as if there is no weight on his mind anymore as he waves at Hajime. "I've got to get to my job, but I'm glad that's cleared up!" He doesn't leave any more room for conversation before he's bounding out the door.

Hajime sits at the table, dumbfounded. He can't believe Tooru is just...leaving it at that. Leaving him hanging like this. It's maddening, but he knows better than to pursue him when he's like this. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He's left alone with his thoughts, his heart heavy with unanswered questions and unresolved feelings.

Suddenly, Hajime's phone is ringing with my name flashing on the screen. He can't help the way his heavy heart lurches, his stomach flipping in anticipation.

"Hello?" He answers, his voice betraying his nerves.

"Seriously, would you quit calling me? I already texted you I made it home, fuck." My voice sounds groggy and sick, like a headache is blaring in my ears. Hajime suppresses a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He can hear the irritation in my voice.

"I didn't call you. You called me." He retorts, his tone just as irritable.

"Well, I know, but..." My voice trails off as my brain finally understands what happened, Hajime hearing me look at the phone screen. "Fuck. Sorry. I meant to call Tooru."

Hajime can't help but roll his eyes at your explanation. He can feel his irritation growing, his patience wearing thin.

"Yeah, well, you got the wrong person." He snaps, his tone harsher than he intended. He can't shake the feeling that he's just an afterthought to me, someone to be called when I'm bored or need a favor. The sentiment is only exacerbated by the fact that I didn't even know he was my partner in crime last night at the party, so far gone I probably wouldn't be able to recognize myself in the mirror.

"Hajime, why are you pissed right now? I can't remember fucking anything last night, so can you cut me some slack and just tell me?" I huff out, half desperate and half irritated.

Hajime takes a deep breath, trying to calm his frayed nerves. He can hear the desperation, and it tugs at some part of him that he doesn't want to acknowledge. He sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair. "You don't remember anything last night?" He repeats, his tone still tinged with irritation, though less so than before.

"Trust me, no one's more pissed at me than me." I sigh, groaning into what sounds to be the echo of a bathroom, where I've spent my morning. Hajime can feel his irritation start to fade as he listens to the sound of my hangover.

"Really? You don't recall anything? Not even...uh..." He falters, his mind flashing back to the feel of my body pressed up against him in the corner. He can still feel the ghost of my touch on his skin.

"Tooru chewed me out bad, but he told me I don't get to know if I don't make my brain do the work or some older brother bullshit lesson, fucking stupid..." I groan.

Hajime can't help the snort of amusement that escapes him at your description of Tooru's antics.

"Sounds like something he'd say." He mutters, his irritation all but gone. He can feel something else stirring in his chest, something akin to affection for both of us, the siblings who made his childhood more bright and exciting than he could ask for.

"So I'm literally..." I heave slightly, my voice and chest heavy. "...literally begging you to give me something. Anything."

He wants to help me, wants to soothe the ache, but the memories of last night are a confusing jumble in his mind. "What do you want me to say?" He asks softly, his heart aching as he hears my heavy breathing, probably from an effort not to vomit more than I have.

"Say 'screw Tooru, I'll tell you everything'." I groan, mumbling in the bathroom acoustics as I sit by the toilet, Hajime only imagining how sick I've been this morning.

Hajime feels his heart skip a beat at the words. He wants to tell me everything, to spill his guts and confess things he's been bottling up for weeks. Feelings he felt when my drunk body found his so easily, slotted between his legs like it belonged there. But the memory of Tooru's ultimatum, the words and the way he looked at him...it all comes rushing back.

"You know I can't do that." His voice is hoarse, his heart heavy with the knowledge that any more entertainment involving me in that way would only further muddle his mind. I groan again, whining slightly coming into the mix.

"Why are you guys always on the same team? This is dumb. And unfair." I comment with irritation. Hajime huffs a laugh at my petulant tone, the sound half amused, half exasperated.

"It's a guy thing. You wouldn't get it." He says, trying to brush off my complaint with a smirk, using the silly excuse they used to gang up on me when we were younger, knowing I couldn't do anything about it. His 'get out of jail free' card.

"I would totally get it." I snort in derision. "I've practically grown a dick from being around you two my whole life."

Hajime chokes on his laugh, his eyes widening at my blunt statement. He can feel the heat rising in his cheeks, a mix of amusement and embarrassment warring on his features. "That's...quite the visual." He manages to say, a shaky laugh escaping him.

"Stop picturing my dick right now, Hajime." I tease him slightly, the sound of a grin on my face, delighted by his chuckling.

"Shut up." He mutters, but there's no real venom in his words. He can't help but chuckle again, the sound rough and raspy. I chuckle with him but then there's a little bout of awkward silence.

"Well, since I don't know what the fuck I did, I'm not apologizing." I say decisively. Hajime sighs, running a hand through his hair in irritation. He expected as much, my stubborn streak one of my defining traits, still going strong into my young adulthood.

"Of course not. You never apologize." He mutters, rolling his eyes.

"Why does everyone keep saying it like that?" I accuse with a whine, obviously sounding exasperated and desperate. "What the hell did I do?"

"Well, you were certainly...affectionate last night." He says, his voice laced with innuendo. The memories of my soft skin pressed up against him in the corner flash through his mind once more, a familiar stirring in his gut.

I gasp then groan into the phone. "Please, tell me I didn't kiss anyone." I let out a little gagging noise of mortification. At the silent yet hissing inhale that Hajime does, meant to tease and probably annoy me, I let out a defeated sigh. "Oh, fuck me." I groan into the phone, almost wallowing as I picture a hazy dream of me making out with some random guy at the party.

"Yeah, it sure seemed like you were enjoying yourself." He teases, even though his blood is thundering with annoyance at the memory of me before he came and got me, making out with some freshman loser. 

"Please, tell me it was someone I'll never see again." I moan into the phone as Hajime remembers the guy I kissed at the table, some nameless party-goer. But then he also remembers how close I'd been to him, in the dark, guessing that I'm not remembering any of that.

"Yeah...yeah, totally." He manages to say in a neutral tone, his voice betraying none of the conflicting feelings swirling within him, deciding on focusing on being honest with the boy rather than the fact that I'd also flirted with him shamelessly. I probably didn't need to know that.

"Oh, thank goodness." I let out a little relieved sigh and laugh into the phone. My stomach roils and I groan into the phone. "I gotta go, bye." I say it quickly, not bothering with formalities, and assuming that was the end of all my missteps last night, which was...wrong to say the least.

Hajime opens his mouth to say something, a protest on the tip of his tongue, but I'm already ending the call before he can manage it. He stares at his phone for a moment, the sound of my voice still echoing in his ears, before sighing heavily and setting it down on the countertop.

"Bye." He mutters to himself, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair in frustration.

In a couple weeks, there's banging on Tooru's and Hajime's apartment door. I yell through it annoyed.

"Tooru, you said you'd be home for this!" I sigh as Hajime hears the sound of a phone calling someone outside of the apartment door, most likely my attempts to get Tooru's attention. Hajime, who had been lying on the couch, groans and slowly rises to his feet at the sound of my banging and yelling. He pads over to the door and swings it open with a scowl.

"Tooru's not here, genius." He mutters as he sees me standing in the hallway, phone in hand on speaker, shutting the apartment door behind him.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get the idea." I grumble out, my phone ringing out one more time before both of us can hear his voicemail, some stupid little joke about how he's out doing something more important than picking up the call. I snarl into the phone, ignoring Hajime. "I swear to god, I'm going to rip your balls off next time I see you, asshole." I hang up the call so harshly, Hajime can hear the tap of my thumb against the screen. I glare up at him, obviously fine with taking out my anger on the one closest to my brother. "Where the fuck is he?"

Hajime rolls his eyes at the threat, knowing that Tooru would find a way to dodge any real retaliation. He leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest and shrugging. "Who knows? The guy's a flake. He probably got caught up with something." He says, his tone nonchalant and unbothered. But a part of him can't help but be distracted by the way my dark eyes glare up at him, his heart skipping a beat despite himself. He won't admit it to anyone, but there's been a huge part of him missing me now that he knows I'm so close by, going to the same university after years where he only got to see me on holidays in our hometown. But that would be weird to say or confess. So he waits patiently. Or impatiently.

"Oh really?" I ask with a fake sincere voice. "I didn't think he would skip out on your evening blowjobs. Sorry to hear that." I give him an annoyed look afterwards, scoffing as I turn my head, but Hajime is used to me insinuating they are too close to be friends and he sees I'm holding a folder in my other hand that escaped his notice before.

"What's that?" He asks, nodding his head towards the foreign object. He's curious now, his attention piqued by the mystery. I look down at where I've crossed my arms, then my eyes widen as I shove the folder behind my back.

"Nothing." I grumble before backing up with a sigh, attempting to evade the conversation. "Just let him know he better fucking call me." I make an attempt for a quick escape, but once my back is turned just the perfect degree, I feel the folder disappear from my grasp.

Hajime's hand shoots out so quickly that he surprises even himself. He snag the folder from my grip before I can react, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he holds it out of my shorter reach.

"Oh no, you don't." He chides, shaking his head and eyeing the folder curiously. "What's in here?" He asks, his tone a mixture of curiosity and playful teasing.

"Stop, give it back, Hajime!" I growl in anger as I quickly jump at his hands to grab the folder back, but he evades.

Hajime chuckles at my feisty attempt to grab the folder back, his reflexes coming in handy as he keeps it just out of reach. He's enjoying this little back-and-forth, the feeling of my body pressed up against him as I spring for my property. "No way. Not until you tell me what's in it." He taunts, a playful glint in his eyes as he dodges my grabs and spins, chuckling at this little game.

I make a motion to grab it again and I feel my face flush with annoyance and embarrassment as he twirls around me, looking utterly pleased. I'm so frustrated as I grit my teeth together. "This wasn't fun 12 years ago either, idiot." I try not to pout but it's obviously getting to me.

"Oh, come on. You're as easy to tease now as you were back then." He teases, his smirk growing wider as he sees the color rise in my cheeks.

I let out a little growl as he moves closer, but when I jump at him this time, I dig my nails into his bicep and press hard, hard enough to get him against the door of their apartment. It's a dirty move but it's one I've pulled since he and Tooru teased me when I was little. I speak through clenched teeth.

"Quit!"

Hajime lets out a strangled gasp as my nails dig into his skin, the pain making his mind go blank for a moment. The sharp spike of pain is quickly replaced by a strange mix of annoyance and arousal. His back hits the door as I push him, the sudden force taking him by surprise. He looks down at me with wide eyes, his heart pounding.

"Jesus, you're still as vicious as ever." He groans, a hint of admiration mixed with irritation in his tone.

"Just...give me my shit!" I hiss it out through my teeth, my fingers faltering for a second before squeezing, my face red from embarrassment as my eyes scan the apartment hallway, a hint of a plea in my voice no matter how I try to hide it.

Hajime hesitates at my plea, his heart racing in his chest. He knows he should just give me the damn folder back, but he can't ignore the small part of him that enjoys seeing me like this. His heart flutters, a strange mixture of affection and irritation coursing through him. "No way." He breathes, his voice hoarse and a little shaky. He looks down, his gaze roaming over my flustered face, his mind warring with his own desires.

I purse my lips in irritation, but seeing as I hear some footsteps coming up the stairwell, I just reach near his ribs to pull the door back open and shoving him inside his apartment, quickly following him in and shutting the door before dying of mortification. Hajime stumbles back as I shove him, a mix of surprise and amusement on his face at my bold move. He can't help but chuckle in disbelief, his mind still reeling from the sudden turn of events.

"Wow, princess. You've got some serious strength hidden under there." He quips, his voice teasing as he watches me catch my breath just inside the door. I glare at him hard, my own breath catching as I swallow, my face all red from embarrassment and agitation. I just hold out my hand as a demand for my folder back. Hajime smirks at the glare, still finding my flustered state endearing. He holds up the folder out of my reach once more, unable to resist teasing a little longer.

"You know," He drawls, his voice lilting with mischief. "You could always just ask nicely."

"No, I can't." I hiss out, leaning forward with eyes widening in annoyance and intensity. "You're fucking with me. You'll make me beg and still not give it to me."

Hajime chuckles at my snarl, his heart rate increasing with the proximity. He leans against the wall next to him, casually holding the folder over his head, out of reach but still within easy view. "You have a point, I suppose. I do love to torment you." He admits, his gaze roaming over my twisted face, taking in every flushed feature with a mix of amusement and a hint of desire.

"You suppose." I snort in derision before my face contorts with displeasure, making my voice low as if to mock him, but it only makes his lips turn into a crooked smile. I cross my arms as I straighten, nostrils flaring as I take a deep breath. "I'm not playing this stupid fucking game with you anymore."

"Oh, come on. Don't you know by now that I thrive on your frustration?" He teases, his smirk growing wider as he watches me struggle to maintain composure. As if to punctuate his point, he lightly shakes the folder, the sound of the papers and the subtle taunt driving my irritation even further. The sound makes my jaw clench and I step forward slowly, my voice raw and low.

"Hajime. It's not funny."

Hajime's heart skips a beat at the sound of his name on my lips, the low, almost dangerous tone making his stomach twist in knots. He's suddenly all too aware of the closeness, the heat radiating off off my angry body. He tries to maintain his casual demeanor, even as his own desires and emotions start to get the better of him. "Oh, I think it's pretty funny." He taunts, his voice just a little too breathy for his own comfort.

"You've always had a horrible sense of humor." I keep my eyes locked on him, and just when I think I have him, I reach up to grab the folder but he lifts it up and finally just looks through it himself. My eyes fill with horror as I start. "Don't!"

Hajime raises an eyebrow at my desperate plea, curiosity piqued as he notices the look of horror. "What? Why?" He teases, knowing full well he's pushing buttons but unable to stop himself. He starts flipping through the papers, his gaze scanning the words and images on the papers with interest.

I shut my mouth as it sets into a thin line, my whole body tensing and going rigid, my hand unbeknownst to me gripped onto the sleeve of his shirt as I watch him with panicked eyes. Only it confuses him, since it seems like a bunch of homework...until he reads some intimate questions on this sheet. He flips another page, his eyes widening as he processes the words on the next page, his mind beginning to conjure up an idea of what this folder might be.

"Wait a minute." He breathes, his voice gruff as he glances back down to me.

"Don't read it." I huff it out, but it's lost its bite since I feel defeated, watching his eyes scan over the sheets way over my head. My hand starts to loosen its grip and slowly pulls away from them, folding into each other in front of me as I look down in misplaced shame. It doesn't stop Hajime from being equal parts confused and intrigued.

Hajime ignores the request, his eyes devouring the words and questions on the pages before him, his mind spinning with a million thoughts and assumptions. His heart races, a mix of confusion and desire coursing through his veins. He glances at me again, noticing the way my body language has shifted from defiant to almost sheepish. He can't deny that he finds the newfound vulnerability attractive, the mix of emotions on my face stirring something deep inside him. "What is this?" He asks, his voice huskier than before.

"Schoolwork." I mutter under my breath, my ears tinged pink to join the rest of my face in betraying my emotions.

"Schoolwork, huh? Since when does schoolwork involve questions about your sex life?" He teases, unable to resist the urge to poke fun at me even now. He flips through another page, his heart thudding in his chest as he reads more and more intimate questions.

"Since they started classes like Human Intimacy 340." I snatch the papers back with a glare, teeth bared, annoyed with his assessment of the surveys I've made for my class.

Hajime's smirk fades as he realizes his assessment was slightly off. He stands there, still reeling from the shock of finding out this isn't some sort of personal quiz like he thought, but an actual study for class. "Oh. I see." He pauses, his mind racing as he processes this information. "Wait, you're taking a class like that?"

"Yes." I hiss it out before huffing a piece of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear, looking through the folder to make sure he hasn't crushed any of the surveys in his little taunt. Hajime watches as I check the folder, his mind still swirling with the revelations about this class.

"And this is...required? You have to fill out these surveys?" He asks, his tone a mix of curiosity and just pure confusion. He can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable with the thought of me answering such personal questions for a class assignment. What kind of sick professor is waiting to jerk it to freshman girl answers?

"Not me. I get people to fill out the surveys, genius." I huff it out, but I'm slightly exhausted from his games, so even though I'm upset, it doesn't sound like anything other than exasperated. Hajime feels a breath of relief exit his mouth, then picks up speed with his usual antics involving me.

"So you're just some sort of perverted scientist now, huh? Studying human intimacy and all that crap." He teases, his eyes flickering with amusement.

I raise my head up sharply and narrow my eyes at him, a quiet moment as I genuinely study his face, wondering if he's fucking with me. "...Do you even know what my major is?" I ask him skeptically, annoyed and accusatory.

Hajime's smirk falters for a moment, then he shrugs nonchalantly. "Uh, something medical, right?" He guesses, not really confident in his answer.

"Psychology." I shake my head with a scoff, halfway to disappointed. "Emphasis on couples' therapy."

Hajime's eyes widen in surprise. "Wait, really? You're studying to be a couples' therapist?" He asks, unable to hide the disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah, if I can pass these classes, which means I need people to fill these out. God, if Tooru just fucking showed up like he said..." I grumble under my breath, running a heated hand through my hair in frustration as I parse through the papers on the coffee table at their couch, reading over my survey questions.

"So...what exactly do these surveys ask?" He asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. He takes a step closer, glancing down at the papers splayed across the coffee table.

I quickly cover the papers with my splayed out hands as I look up at him with a snarl. "You lost your right to know when you started that bullshit outside."

Hajime's smirk returns at my protective action. He leans forward, placing his hands on the table on either side of my arms, effectively caging me in as he leans down closer to my face. "Why so protective? Are these surveys top secret or something?" He teases, his voice low and filled with mischief.

"No, they're-" My eyes lower their focus for a second, as they dart across the room as my brain comes up with a reason. I bite my lip before looking up at him, my cheeks turning pink. "...personal."

"Personal, huh? Damn, you really are gonna be a pervert scientist, huh?" He teases, his voice low and suggestive.

I scoff and grab the papers and shove them back in the folder, leaning back against the couch as I keep my eyes on the paper, a furrow in my brow. "You're so annoying. It's for research, dumbass, so unless you're going to fill one out, I'm leaving." I sarcastically huff as I start to gather the flyaway papers as well.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. I could fill one out for you, if you want." He taunts, stepping closer and leaning against the couch, his shoulder brushing against mine. I freeze and look up at him with a confused furrow, eyes searching his for lack of sincerity. My eyes widen in surprise when I find none, but then I swallow and shake my head, scoffing.

"No thanks. I don't want to have your shitty experience in my data pool."

"Oh, come on. You never know, my 'shitty experience' might actually be interesting. It could give you some valuable data." He teases, leaning in a little closer, enjoying the way my breath hitches.

I pause, but my ears tinge pink as I shake my head again, as if trying to run the idea out of my head, spluttering. "I don't want to hear about your sex life. Gross." I shudder with annoyance.

"Even if it was for the good of humanity?" Hajime grins as he leans back against the couch as I finish gathering my things, brushing the disheveled hair from my pink face, embarrassed at being teased. 

"Bye, Hajime." I groan out before opening the apartment door and not sparing him a glance. Hajime's smirk turns into a genuine grin at my quick and flustered escape. 

"See you later." He calls out, his eyes lingering on the door for a moment before he leans back against the couch, a hint of satisfaction in his expression.

Chapter Text

Another week later, during one of the college's volleyball practices, Hajime spots me at the gym door, watching the practice, eyes on Tooru with an annoyed expression. It's obvious I know the drill though since I don't interrupt practice. I'm unaware as can be, but Hajime and especially Tooru are aware of the teammates' teasing and taunting, commenting on how cute I am just to rile up Tooru. They don't realize it riles up Hajime as well. Blissfully unaware, I go to sit on the bench with a huff, taking out my phone and looking at it.

"Piss off, you guys!" Tooru yells over the ball before setting it to one of the spikers who laughs it off, obviously not seriously considering it, just trying to get under their perfect captain's skin.

"You guys realize you're just calling me pretty if you say that about her, right?" Tooru snorts as he gets ready to serve, determined to get them to stop. "She looks just like me." The teammates laugh even more at Tooru's response, some of them raising an eyebrow at his comment. But despite his words, they continue to tease him, their focus now entirely on trying to rile him up.

"Yeah, but you're not as cute as her." Tanaka retorts, meanwhile Atsumu chimes in. "She's like the girl version of you. But better."

The teammates all laugh and turn to look at me, but when they look up, they spot someone running into the gym with an opened can of soda (not allowed) and they run right into me as I was getting up to pick up my pen that had rolled away as I did homework. As we collide the drink spurts all over my hair and shirt, leaving my body tense and frozen as my body processes the sensation. The rest of the team winces. Tooru doesn't waste any time running over, swearing under his breath as I stand up with arms outstretched, obviously shocked and uncomfortable. Tooru's eyebrows are furrowed and it looks like he's chewing me out and I return his attitude with a snarled expression, before he grabs my arm and starts dragging my wet self towards men's locker room, the women's closed for repair in this practice gym.

Tooru eventually jogs back and yells out with a clap. "No one's allowed back in the locker room until I say so. Got it?" He gives everyone a pointed look which everyone understands and nods with, not joking around. After about 15 minutes, Hajime starts to get concerned, and he mumbles to Tooru he's going to check on me. Tooru pauses as if to debate whether he should be doing that instead of his best friend, he shakes his head with the argument that we're basically all siblings. Plus, it was his turn to serve. "Knock yourself out. She's acting bitchy right now." Tooru snorts, the only guy allowed to call me that apparently.

"Yeah, I'll go check on her." He responds, his voice slightly on edge but still managing to sound casual. He turns away from Tooru and the team, heading towards the locker room.

When Hajime gets in the locker room, he hears the weak water pressure from the shitty showers and then a small peek of eyes around the corner of the shower room. It's got no stalls since it's just a men's locker room built decades ago, so the eyes are full of slight terror but relax once they see him around the corner. But not fully. My hair is dripping wet but I move forward enough so that he can see my mouth moving with a slight smile.

"Oh fuck, okay, it's just you." I let out a little relieved laugh, which is slightly surprising to Hajime considering he's always thought himself a pain in my ass, which is how I always describe him. To him.

He walks closer, a small smirk on his face. "You sounded almost happy to see me." He teases softly, trying to mask his own relief at seeing me safe and okay. I hold out a dripping hand around the corner of the shower room.

"Don't-!" I eye his close form, curling around the corner wall. My face flushes. "I'm not...I mean, I'm showering. Well, I..." I stutter as I turn back to the shower wall, then to him, slightly flustered.

"I can see that." He responds, a hint of amusement in his voice. "And I'm not looking." He assures me, keeping his eyes firmly on my face, despite the temptation to steal a glance.

I roll my eyes but huff slightly as I move out of sight for a moment and he hears the squeak of me turning off the shower. I bite my lip before saying with a slight wince. "...Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" He asks, his voice low and measured as he tries to ignore the mental image of my wet and naked body behind the shower wall. I let out an annoyed heaving sigh as I run a hand through my wet hair, sending water droplets down my body and to the floor, making a wet sound.

"Tooru is such an idiot." I mumble under my breath before looking at Hajime. "Well, I don't have any other clothes and Tooru's dumb ass didn't think to tell me where his locker was, and I don't know where my pants or...anything..." I flush as I trail off. "...is."

He clears his throat, his voice slightly strained as he responds to my request. "Yeah, that sounds like Tooru." He manages to say, his eyes fixed on my face rather than anywhere else, trying his best to act unaffected by the state of undress hidden behind tile wall.

I bite my lip, glancing behind him as if worried the team will come in soon. "Also, any chance you guys have towels or something?" I ask with a grimace.

"Yeah, we have towels. Hang on, I'll grab you one." He responds, his voice still a bit strained as he turns around and walks over to the towel rack, picking up one of the white towels and holding it out for me. 

"Thanks." My wet fingers graze his for just a moment before I disappear around the corner of the shower, wiping down out of sight. I call out to him. "I'm pretty sure Tooru would've put my clothes in his locker if they're not by the shower. I just don't know where his is."

Hajime's heart skips a beat as my wet fingers brush against his for a quick moment, the contact sending a jolt of electricity through his body. He takes a deep breath to collect himself before responding. "Yeah, I can go check his locker for your clothes. Just give me a sec." He turns away from the shower area and moves over to Tooru's locker, his mind still racing with the inability to let go of the sound of me showering in his hindbrain. Tooru's locker has my underwear and pants in it and my dirty shirt. Hajime considers getting one of Tooru's shirts for me, but part of him wants to give me something of his to wear, but he struggles with an excuse.

"Did you find it?" I call out from the shower room.

"Uh, yeah, I found it." He responds, his voice a bit rougher than he intended. "Just give me a sec." I shout okay in response, still toweling off, giving Hajime a minute to think about his own shirts in his locker as he bites his lip, annoyed at himself for not wanting to just give me Tooru's shirt. But he feels even worse as he looks at my underwear, a flush painting his cheeks as he quickly uses my shorts to cover them, trying not to feel self-conscious about seeing them. He grabs one of his own t-shirts from his locker, the fabric soft and comfortable. He heads back over to the shower area, the shirt in hand.

I hear his footsteps and look around the corner, no longer dripping wet but the beads of water still stick to my skin. I let out a sigh of relief as I see his clean tee shirt, not even caring about whose it is, just assuming it's Tooru's. I grab that and the bundle of fabric that I assume is my bottoms in the other. As I turn around the corner to start dressing, out of sight of Hajime, and he quickly leaves the room, ready to no longer be stuck with the hellish scenario of being in a room with me naked.

Soon the team files in the locker room and finishes practice, where Tooru nags at me for being a klutz and I yell that it wasn't even my fault, entertaining the team. I talk to Tooru about Mom wanting the schedule for the games this season, and just go to standard sibling arguments.

When the weekend rolls around, Hajime always holds out hope that I won't be at the party. It used to be that I never went.

Honestly, he wasn't really a party person. He had to be when he was Tooru's keeper in high school, but now, he shouldn't give a shit. Still, something about this year had unnerved him, his studies getting difficult and he was lost in figuring out what he wanted to do with his degree. So, he took to drinking like any other college kid.

An hour into a lame house party, Hajime is about to leave, but then he hears the sound of laughter that's a little too familiar. I'm leaning against a wall, red solo cup in tow, wearing the same skirt from a couple weeks earlier and an off-shoulder top, nodding along with whatever this freshman guy is speaking about animatedly, his own drink obviously leading to his loose demeanor. The minute the guy goes to get another drink, I notice a silhouette approaching me and my demeanor immediately goes from loose to rigid. A harsh sigh leaves my body as I straighten, no longer relaxed or excited about the party. I cross my arms and nod to him as he approaches casually.

"Wow, young man, you're out pretty late." I mock him slightly with a little smile, hoping he's more in friend mode than brother.

"I know, might as well be cooking meth." I let out a little amused huff of air, happy to conclude that he must be intoxicated enough to be chill. I grin at him, peeking over his shoulder just for a moment to see if the guy is back yet, but when I return to Hajime's gaze, I give him a slightly playful roll of eyes. I nod in the direction of the back porch, wanting to get some place cooler. Once we're outside, Hajime leans against the railing and looks at me, his gaze more intense now that we're alone.

"You look...nice." He says gruffly, his eyes flickering over my skirt once again before he looks back at my twisted face, suppressing a smile.

"I know it took years off your life to give me a compliment. Especially in this outfit." I snort as I lean against the railing next to him. I look up at him with a cheeky smile. "So thanks."

Hajime rolls his eyes at my sarcastic remark. "Yeah, well, don't expect me to make a habit out of it." He grumbles as he looks away, pretending to scan the backyard to distract himself from the way I look in that godforsaken skirt. I let out a little chuckle as I tilt my head back, letting the cool breeze swipe at my sweat curled hair.

After a couple moments of peaceful silence, I hear Hajime digging around in his pockets. I see him finally take out a joint and my eyes widen with delight, suppressed slightly so he doesn't see my eagerness. He knows that Tooru would have a fit if he saw this, but the look on my face, suppressed as it is, makes him want to indulge me just a little.

"You want a hit?"

I clear my throat and feign nonchalance as if I've done this before, trying to act cool. It happens every once in awhile, my natural reaction to seeing Hajime be cool is to impress him somehow. I give a little shrug. "Yeah, sure."

He lights up the joint and takes a drag, holding the smoke in for a moment before exhaling. He then hands it over to me, his gaze fixed on my face as he watches me take a first hit. I feel my first fit of nerves as I look up at him, and then reach a hand out to grab the joint from him. Hajime watches my hand trembling slightly in nerves, a soft smile gracing his face. "Just inhale and hold it in for a few seconds, then exhale." He instructs, his voice gruff but patient. He can't help but feel a surge of protectiveness and affection, knowing that he's technically a 'bad influence' right now.

"I know." I complain lightly, scoffing, but he knows me. Knows me well enough to know when I'm pretending to impress him. He's always been the cool best friend to my personally super annoying big brother. I slowly raise my hand and suck on the joint, following his instructions. Still, I can't help but start to cough.

Hajime can't help but chuckle slightly when I immediately start to cough, the sound of my small fits both cute and endearing to him. He reaches out and pats my back gently, trying to soothe. "You alright?" He asks, his tone a mix of amusement and concern.

"Yup." My voice comes out in a rasp, hoarse from the coughing as I hand him back his joint. I'm so focused on clearing my throat that I don't realize some of my lipstick has come off around the thin paper. Hajime takes the joint back, his fingers lightly grazing mine. He notices the smudged lipstick on the paper and can't help but feel a surge of heat in his stomach at the sight. It's so simple, but it feels so intimate, and it makes his heart race, wondering where else those pretty lips have been and where he wishes they could be.

"Oh fuck." I cough out some more, breaking him from his reverie to watch his best friend's little sister hunch over and wipe at some mascara from her eyes as her eyes water from her first hit of a blunt. Hajime mentally kicks himself. Hard. He feels a pang of guilt at entertaining those thoughts while we're both inebriated and I'm especially suffering through smoking.

"Shit, you alright?" He asks, concern evident in his voice as he ignores the way his heart is still racing.

As the coughs die out, they're replaced by high giggles as I look up at him, grinning. "Oh that's fun." My eyes flash a little at him mischievously.

Hajime can't help but chuckle with me, the sound like music to his ears. His heart clenches, the high clearly taking effect now as I look up at him with that little grin. "Yeah? That's fun, huh?" He says, a teasing tone in his voice as he looks at me with a mix of amusement and affection.

I shove at his shoulder playfully, weakened by my state as I grin at him. "Oh, fuck off."

The playful interaction bringing them back to their usual comfortable banter makes him relax more, feeling more chill with the high seeping and clouding his brain.

"I'm just stating the truth, pipsqueak." He retorts back, grinning at me. He notices how my eyes are glassy and unfocused, the effects of the weed starting to take hold.

It's so easy for us to slip into a rhythm. I wouldn't exactly call us childhood friends, but we've always been around each other. I remember the first bee stings I had and how annoyed I'd been at Tooru and Hajime for standing over me, worried while I cried. Or how they would complain about driving me to my choir concerts, but also the way Hajime would glare down my bullies. My friends having undying crushes on my brother and him, the bane of my existence. Hell, being around them is awful most of the time. But sometimes, he'll slip into some silly nickname or share something new with me like a new artist or book, and I'm suddenly back with him watching cartoons on Saturday morning.

Or maybe I'm just high.

"...You haven't called me that in ages."

Hajime is taken aback for a moment, surprised by the unexpected comment. He hadn't realized how long it had been. "Yeah...I guess I haven't." He says, his voice softening. He can't help but feel a pang of nostalgia, missing the carefree days of their childhood. He glances down at me, really taking in my current state. "You're really high, huh?"

I grin at him and bump his shoulder with mine, although since he's so much taller, it really just hits his bicep. "Whatever." I shrug and roll my eyes, but it's too loose to be considered anything else but a high.

We chuckle and hang out just like old times until the party starts to get a little more rowdy, and I figure it's better to just go home. I take a couple more hits until we're both giggling about absolute nonsense.

"How'd you get here?"

"Walked." He answers simply.

I nod. "Me too."

Hajime glances at me skeptically, the thought of me walking home alone at night slightly concerning. He narrows his eyes, his protective side coming out. "By yourself?" He asks, his voice gruff.

I groan a little with a smile on my face as I bounce on my soles a little. "Ugh, come on, Hajime, you were being so cool! Don't go all old people mode on me now."

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm worried about you." He grumbles, but there's a hint of a smile on his face as he gives me a playful flick on the forehead. I pinch my eyebrows together before raising a hand to rub at the spot where he flicked me.

"Annoying." But I grin at him and shrug. "Well, I wanna get home, so if you're serious about murdering me someday..." My smile is loose and crooked from my crossfaded state. "...You should come with."

Hajime rolls his eyes, but he can't help but soften at my inebriated grin. "Don't tempt me." He mutters, before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "Fine, I'll walk you home."

We continue our conversation about absolute nonsense, almost having two separate conversations, and when we finally reach my dorm hall, I'm doubled over so bad with laughter that I start to sink to my knees, leading his laughing body to have to hold my arms.

"You're a mess, you know that?" He says between laughs, shaking his head in amusement.

"Oh shit." I laugh as he helps me up again, and no awkwardness ensues. We're just totally shitting and giggling to the point where I think I forgot where I'm supposed to get dropped off. Before I know it, I'm giggling quietly as I shush him outside of my single dorm room. He's laughing silently but hard enough to press himself against my doorjamb as I try to get the door unlocked with my lack of precision. The situation is so absurd to our high brains that he leans down to chuckle into my shoulder.

"Be quiet." He manages to get out between gasps of laughter, his head still buried in my jacket to quiet himself. "You're gonna wake up the whole hall."

"You're the...loud one..." I'm laughing so badly, silent wheezes escape me right before I finally get the door unlocked and I shove him inside with me. Apparently both of us forgetting that he probably should've just dropped me at the door. I shut the door so quickly it kind of slams and we look at each other with a tense wide-eyed grimace before laughing out loud again. I'm against the door and he's still laughing against my shoulder, one hand stabilizing himself by my head, our high making us too loose to know better.

He's so close, and the high is making everything feel so much more intense. He can feel the heat radiating off of me, and the scent of my hair filling his senses.

"Get off me, loser." I groan as I push at one of his shoulders with a laugh.

Hajime chuckles, but he doesn't move away. Instead, he leans in even closer, his face mere inches from mine.

"Make me." He murmurs, his voice low and teasing. The high is making him bolder than usual, and he can't help but enjoy the way my eyes widen at his proximity.

I pout slightly, faking him out for a moment, catching his gaze, before smirking evilly as I find his ticklish spot right at the bottom of his rib cage. He's instantly doubled over, his hand flying to grasp my wrist as he lets out a stream of involuntary giggles.

"F-fuck, no, no, stop-!" He protests in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

"Make me~" I echo his earlier threat with a laugh mixing with his as I move him back slightly towards the middle of my room. Using my other free hand after he grabs my wrist, I remain as relentless as one high person could be. Before I know it I've got him pressed against the end railing of my tiny twin bed, and our boundaries remain totally blurred from the joint.

So blurred, that I don't even realize he's kissing me until it's too late.

Chapter Text

I'm not even aware of who started it, but the kiss is just a brush of our lips, not exactly soft, like a first kiss often is, but almost like we've been kissing for years. Not overly passionate, just like our conversations flow so naturally, our lips just met. And then kept meeting. No tongue, just feeling the warm softness of his lips over and over, a smile riding along with our high. The kiss is an odd mixture of new and familiar, like the high has blurred the line between childhood best friends and lovers. There's no hesitance or uncertainty in the way our lips press together, just a comfortable ease that feels both foreign and natural at the same time.

I'm so high that I don't even remember to close my eyes for half of them, my half-lidded eyes scanning his features, the sensation interesting yet so comfortable. It takes probably 10 seconds of us just fully kissing over and over in kind of an innocent way for two people who just kissed for the first time before I start laughing at the absurdity, the slightest break in whatever high magic was working on us. Still, I'm high. However, I guess the break in kissing has sobered Hajime up quite well from the widening of his eyes.

He takes a look around my bedroom, the twin bed, the obviously freshman decor, the colors and themes I've loved since middle school. I don't notice this going on in his brain though, my mind focused on his warm lips still as I slur out a little laugh.

"What?"

Hajime feels like he's been hit with a bucket of cold water. The observation makes reality comes crashing back to him. He glances around the room, taking in the reminders of my younger age, and the guilt starts to sink in. He hesitates for a moment, his mind racing. The way my eyes still linger on his lips, and the sound of my sweet laugh makes his heart ache. He pulls away, swaying a little with his own high.

"We...we shouldn't." He mumbles, his eyes avoiding mine.

I let out a little confused laugh, still high. But then a sinking feeling of rejection pulls at my navel. I swallow a little before I chuckle once more, shaking my head as my brow furrows. "...What?"

Hajime groans internally at the confusion and hurt in my expression. He runs a hand through his hair, his heart heavy with guilt. He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to look me in the eye.

"We...we're high, okay? It's not...we can't..." He trails off, trying to find the right words. He still tries to keep his distance from my tense body, his mind warring with his feelings. My smile falls quickly as I see the distance and guilt in his eyes. I feel a heaviness in my chest as my voice rasps out quietly.

"...You don't like me?" It's never something I would ask him in a million years, but apparently my high brain has an agenda.

Hajime's heart clenches at the sound of my soft, pained question. He looks at me, the guilt in his eyes intensifying. He takes a step closer, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

"I...I do like you. That's the problem." He rubs a hand down his face, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"We're high, and...we're friends. You're...you're way too young for me."

"...What?" It comes out as a confused whisper, my brain not able to feel and grasp what he's saying to me, my body stiffening, eyes starting to turn wet.

Hajime can't help but see me like this and think back to the time when I fell off my bike after Tooru and him helped me take the training wheels off despite our parent's wishes. I was 7 and he was 10, holding my hand, unsure of how to comfort me while Tooru went inside to find a band-aid or a parent. It's jarring and unnerving. Hajime struggles to keep his composure as he sees my expression change. The sight of the tears forming in my eyes is like a stab to the heart. He steps closer, his hand reaching out to gently brush my cheek, but he quickly retracts it, his guilt becoming almost palpable.

"You're still...still just a kid, and I..." He trails off, his voice catching in his throat. The memories of our younger selves, the times he's comforted and teased me, it's all flashing through his mind like a cruel highlight reel.

"I'm not a kid." I murmur under my breath, a slight dark look in my eyes flooding my otherwise sad eyes.

Hajime lets out a tired groan, his shoulders slumping further. He runs a hand through his hair, frustration written all over his face.

"You're still just a first year, for crying out loud. I'm old enough to buy alcohol, go to bars. I'm an upperclassman, and you're..." He swallows hard, his eyes locking on mine. He can see the stubbornness in my gaze, the way I'm determined to prove my adulthood.

"I'm what?" I challenge, swiping a hand at my eye, smudging some mascara. He cuts himself off when he realizes what he said, the words slipping out before he could stop them. His jaw clenches, and he looks away, his expression conflicted. Hajime growls in frustration. He takes a step closer, his voice low and full of irritation.

"You're still young and naive and...and you're like my little sister, okay? You're not-"

"I am not like your little sister." I interrupt him with a fierce expression, my own jaw clenching to match his, I breathe out shakily. "And you fucking know that, Hajime."

Hajime's jaw sets, and his eyes darken as my words hit him like a freight train. He leans in closer, his own anger and frustration boiling over. He doesn't know why my insistence is making him so irritated, but the way I'm challenging him is both attractive and infuriating.

"Then what the hell do you want, huh? You want me to tell you that you're all grown up now, is that it? That you're suddenly mature and ready for...for this?" He motions between the two of us, the implications clear.

I throw my hands up in some sort of annoyed defeated shrug, exasperated.

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit. What, when were you suddenly 'mature and ready'?" I sneer.

Hajime's eyes narrow, his jaw clenched tightly. He takes a step closer, his body language tense and defensive. "That's different. I'm older. I'm more...experienced." He huffs out a breath, his irritation rising with each word. It's like I'm trying to provoke him, and he can't help but take the bait.

"What the fuck?" I snort derisively. "What, I have to match your fucking body count? Would that meet your experience quota?" I roll my eyes and widen them as I continue to mock him. "Oh no, actually, I should just get a wizard to add 3 measly years to my age, right?"

He huffs out a bitter laugh and shakes his head in disbelief. "Jesus, you really are just a kid, aren't you? It's not about the number of years. It's about the years themselves."

"Oh my god." I pace in a small circle as I let out a humorless laugh, carding my hand through my hair in my frustration as I turn back to him. "I'm sorry? Gandhi called and wants his flimsy ass excuses back."

Hajime's irritation reaches its peak, the sound of my snarky comment setting off something within him. He grabs my wrist tightly, stopping my pacing and forcing me to face him directly.

"You think you know everything, don't you? You think you're so grown up and mature now, huh?" His grip tightens on my wrist, the proximity and intensity of the moment creating a heady mix of anger and something darker. I inhale sharply but not out of fear as he grabs my wrist. I purse my lips in a tight line, the muscle in my jaw jumping with tension as my eyes drift back down to his lips.

Hajime's heartbeat quickens at my reaction, his anger and irritation giving way to a different kind of intensity.

"Don't...don't look at me like that." His grip on my wrist doesn't loosen, his thumb digging into my skin almost possessively. His breathing is ragged, the line between anger and desire becoming increasingly blurry.

"Like what?" I tersely suggest as I move my gaze up to his eyes, heady and unfocused yet desirous all the same, my mouth still downturned in frustration as my chest rises and falls quickly with my ire.

Hajime swallows hard at my gaze, his frustration and desire warring within him. He can see the defiance in my dark eyes, the fire that makes him both want to strangle me and pull me closer. He tightens his grip on my wrist, his voice coming out in a gravelly whisper.

"Like...like you want me." The words hang in the air between us, charged and weighted with implication. My heart stutters and my eyelashes flutter and I let out a breathless huff, narrowing my eyes at him, leaning forward as if to taunt him.

"What do you care? You don't want me, right?"

Hajime's breath hitches as I lean forward, his body instinctively following suit. He's so close, he can feel the heat radiating off my body, the scent surrounding him like an intoxicating haze.

"Fuck...you're just...you're too young for me..." He forces out the words, his voice thick with conflicting emotions. His hazy gaze drops to my lips, the line between denial and desire becoming almost impossible to navigate.

"No, I'm not." I whisper softly, almost humming as I stare at his lips.

Hajime's resolve is crumbling rapidly, the sound of my soft, whispered words like a siren's call he can no longer resist. His grip on my wrist relaxes, and he lets out a shaky sigh, his voice rasping out.

"You...god, you're too young and...and you're like my little sister." He repeats his earlier protest, but the conviction has left his voice, replaced by a mix of confusion and desperate desire.

"Mm-mm." I shake my head softly as I move closer to him, my eyes scanning his face and lips gently, almost like a caress.

Hajime's resolve completely unravels at the proximity, his eyes closing briefly as my high gaze roams across his face. He can feel my intoxicated breath on his skin, the heat between us palpable, and all resistance disappears in an instant.

"God...what am I doing..." He mutters, more to himself than to me, but the words are swallowed up as he finally gives in, his free hand gripping my hip and pulling me flush against him.

I look up at his face, my heart pounding in my ears, the high making the sensations almost unreal. I look up into the face of a boy I've known all my life, except he's all hard, sharp edges now. The softness hidden in his eyes and smile and voice, when he's like this. It's addictive to know so much of him yet nothing at all, and the unknown is right here for the taking. I lean in and place my lips on his with intent now, the kisses coming naturally once again, despite all his talk of resisting, it feels like we're talking. Hajime's body reacts instantly, his hand on my hip gripping tightly as he returns the kiss with equally growing intensity. The high has taken hold, and his inhibitions are completely gone. There's no holding back, just raw desire and a primal need for closeness. He moans softly against my lips, his hands roaming, his touch possessive yet tender.

"I shouldn't...we shouldn't..." He mumbles between kisses, the last shred of reason clinging on by a thread, but he's losing himself to me with each passing moment.

I moan softly against his lips every time he breathes the words of protests against my lips, becoming more like a prayer than an actual plea. I feel the air between us taunt and pull at my desire, making my body feel light and high as I feel his warm soft lips on mine and I open my eyes just for moments to glimpse at the sweetness of his face to match the sensation. Hajime's resistance is crumbling completely, the sound of my moan and the feel of my body against his obliterating any last ounce of self-control he had. He deepens the kiss, his tongue exploring greedily, as if trying to memorize every inch. His hands grip me tighter, his fingers digging into my skin as he presses me against him, his body practically enveloping mine.

I let out a breathy huff as his lips drift over me, the taste of his tongue on mine, caressing and begging and slightly demanding, before pulling back, only challenging me to meet him. The smoke on our lips and the aftertaste of alcohol has me feeling less intoxicated than his moans. Hajime's desire is almost feverish, his body trembling as he pulls me impossibly closer. The taste, the feel of my skin against his, it's all too much and yet not enough at the same time. His mind is clouded with a heady mix of need and guilt, but he can't bring himself to care. All that matters in this moment is the two of us and the sensations coursing through his body. I push myself closer to him, coaxing his mouth into staying on mine, my tongue tracing his bottom lip until my teeth gently tug on it, my frustration mounting the more I feel him.

Hajime groans aloud, the feel of teeth on his lip sending a jolt of desire straight to his cock. He growls hungrily, the sound rumbling deep in his chest as he pushes me back towards the bed, his body pinning me against the mattress. His hands roam over my body, his touch almost possessive, as if claiming me for himself.

"God...you drive me crazy. You always have." He mutters, his lips crashing back onto mine in a fierce, desperate kiss.

I let out a soft noise on impact and I groan softly as I feel his body press me further into the bed, my back arching to meet him. I shake softly with his hands all over me as I ponder what his words mean. I whisper them against his lips in between his bruising kisses.

"Always?"

Hajime's eyes darken at the sound of my breathless question, his body continuing to move against mine, seemingly of its own volition.

"Always."

He murmurs in between kisses, his body pressed tightly against mine as if he can't bear any separation. His hands grip my wrists, pinning them gently but firmly above my head, his gaze locked onto mine as he hovers.

"You don't even realize it, do you? How much power you have over me." I moan softly behind my lips as he places my wrists above my head, leaving me to just flex my fingers with the desire of touching him all over. I squirm with desire and frustration, but when his gaze locks on me, my body shakes with the words he's given me.

Hajime's eyes darken further, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he watches me squirm against the bed. The sight of me completely at his mercy is driving him wild. He leans down, his lips brushing against my jaw, trailing kisses down my neck, his grip tightening slightly.

"You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" He mutters against my skin, his body pressed so close to mine that he can feel every shiver, every little movement I make.

I whimper slightly at his warm lips pressing along my jaw, and neck where I'm sensitive, my breathing gets shallow as he gently and softly maps out the lines of my body, the swallowing of my dry throat only making him smile with the vibration. The easy way he coaxes the noises out of me, expertly, is the first time I'm really feeling the experience difference. I'm worried he's feeling it too from how responsive I am, the level of delirium I'm on just from his touch.

 The way I respond to his touch has him completely enraptured, his lips and body working in tandem to bring me closer and closer to what he wants. What we both want. As he pulls back to look at me, his eyes are almost feral with desire, his body practically burning with need.

"You feel it, don't you? How different this is, how it feels with someone who knows exactly what they're doing?"

I squirm slightly, unsure of how to respond, considering the fact that I'm so inexperienced was a reason he didn't want to start, but oh my god, it feels an injustice to not speak to how good this is. I bite my lip as my breathing remains ragged. Hajime's gaze locks onto the sight of me biting my lip, the motion sending a wave of heat straight to his groin. He growls softly, his grip on my wrists tightening just slightly as he leans in, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of my neck.

"Say it." He whispers, his voice low and commanding, as if he can read my thoughts. His body is tense with the need to hear me acknowledge the difference, the experience gap between us.

Part of me is so stubborn I don't want to admit he's right. I moan softly as he breathes the words against my neck and I shake softly as my mouth parts, unsure if I'm going to say it or not.

Hajime senses the defiance that flares even in my current state of desire, and he grins against my skin, his lips pressing kisses all along my neck, his fingers tracing patterns, finding my most sensitive places and driving me to the brink of madness.

"Oh, come now. Say it. Say it feels good, how different I am, how much you want more." His voice is a sinful whisper against my ear, coaxing and demanding in equal measure. I moan softly, but the confession comes out quiet, a whisper against his ear.

"...It is different. I want more of it. You." I pant against his ear, my face flushing more than it already was with my arousal.

Hajime's body shivers as my words ghost over his ear, the sound of my confession sending a jolt of desire straight to his core. He draws back, his eyes roaming over face, taking in my flushed cheeks and heavy breathing, the signs of my arousal sending his own desire into overdrive.

"Good girl."

He murmurs, the praise coming out like a curse, his lips capturing mine again in a rough, hungry kiss. His body presses against mine, his hand sliding up the length of my side, tracing the outline of my  curves as he pushes my shirt up impatiently. I moan against his mouth, a slight whimper as I feel his rough warm hands, roaming my body impatiently, making me shake as I feel his fingertips press on my stomach and rib cage, making me arch up into the feeling.

Hajime's hand pushes my shirt up further, exposing my skin to the cool air, but he quickly follows it with his hot mouth, his lips pressing kisses along my stomach, mapping out every inch of my quivering flesh. His touch is greedy and desperate, like he can't get enough, his teeth grazing against skin, leaving behind little marks of his own. I whimper softly as my lips part as my breathing turns ragged, the cool air perking my body with desire, nipples hardening under his warm lips following the curves of my body. The way they're slick with sweat only has me shaking with every touch.

Hajime's mouth continues a path up towards my chest, his lips finding and kissing every sensitive spot he can find, his teeth grazing gently, his tongue flicking against my nipples, teasing and coaxing me to the very edge. His hands roam freely now, one gripping my hip tightly, the other moving up to cup my breast.

"Fuck, you're so hot." He mutters, his voice thick with desire, his body pressed flush against mine, the need between us almost palpable. His large hands can't fully hold me but I love the feeling of him kneading me and needing me, so fully into me that it's got him panting and pressing and kissing, his lips and hands everywhere, making me moan. Hajime's lips kiss and suck across my collarbone, his teeth grazing and nibbling at the sensitive skin, leaving marks in their wake. His hand on my tits squeeze gently, his thumb brushing against my nipple, teasing the pebbled flesh as he continues his ministrations, his body shifting, rolling against mine, as if he can't get close enough.

"God, you're like a drug, you know that?" I arch against him as I gasp with his fingers touching me, teasing me, and I moan out his name softly like a whisper in his ears when we're slowly sucked out of the trance but the vibration of my phone at the end of my bed. Our bodies pause momentarily, confusion taking over. Then slight dread as I sense Hajime's eyes on the phone, and I no longer wonder who's calling.

Chapter Text

His face falls and concern replaces lust immediately when he sees my brother's name.

Hajime's expression hardens almost instantly as he looks at the phone, the sight of my brother's name bringing him back to earth with a thud. He slowly pulls back, his touch reluctantly leaving my skin, the guilt and concern now prominent in his eyes.

"Goddammit..." He mutters, his hand raking through his hair as he takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself. The moment broken, reality crashing in like a wave.

The second he unpins his body from mine to stand, I grab at his wrist, still flushed and bared slightly, exposed enough but high enough to not feel the embarrassment fully, I pant as I look at him with a sense of desperation, worried this moment won't come again as my mouth downturns and I swallow and speak, the vibrating ending in the middle.

"He's not going to-" My voice comes out hoarse from desire, but even though the vibrating stopped, we now hear a different phone ringing and my heart drops in my stomach as my eyes widen, now the sound is muffled by Hajime's back pocket.

Hajime's eyes widen as my words are interrupted by the sound of his own phone ringing. He mutters a curse under his breath, the guilt in his eyes growing as he pulls away from my grip and fishes his phone out of his pocket. He looks at the screen, his face hardening further as he sees the caller ID.

"It's him." He mutters, his words coming out sharp and gruff, his eyes avoiding my gaze as he debates whether to answer or not. I bite my lip as I prop myself up on my elbows slightly, the mood shifting along with my shirt, covering me slightly as I look up at him nervously.

"Just don't-" But I'm interrupted by the obvious dismissal as Hajime slides his finger across his phone to pick up the call, shutting my mouth quickly.

Hajime steels himself as he answers the call, his voice cold and professional, masking the guilt and desire that still linger beneath the surface.

"Hey."

He mutters into the phone, his back turned, his body tense as he waits for Tooru's response. The seconds seem to stretch on, the room feeling smaller by the second.

"Dude, that little shit won't pick up the fucking phone." Tooru's loud voice is prominent even past the din of wherever he's at. A party? Still, his voice isn't actually all that irritated.

"Also, where are you, Iwa-chan? I swear, you're more of a party animal than me these days." He chuckles an obviously drunk laugh. Hajime rolls his eyes at the sound of Tooru's drunken voice, his own frustration and guilt making it hard to keep his cool.

"I'm at home, dickhead. Why? You need me to babysit for you again?" He shoots back, his words lacking their usual playful edge, his mind still preoccupied with the situation at hand.

I bite my lip nervously at his reaction, but Tooru sounds overly relaxed from alcohol as he laughs into the phone.

"Ah, no, screw it. Wherever she is, it's the poor bastard's funeral." Tooru snorts with his derivative statement regarding me. Ending it on a little bit of an authentic note.

"Still, she could send me a text so I know she's not being brutally murdered." He lets out a little nervous laugh on the other end, muffed slightly, but I feel a pang of guilt for a brother who as much as he plays it off, still really cares about me.

Hajime's expression softens slightly as he hears Tooru's genuine concern, his guilt growing even more intense. He knows how much Tooru cares, and he knows he's in the wrong for what's happened tonight.

"She's fine, idiot. She probably just forgot her phone or something. You know how she is." He mutters, his voice gruff, but slightly reassuring.

Tooru lets out a little huffy laugh, not bothered by Iwaizumi's demeanor. They've been best friends for so long, his abrasive tone just reassuring to him.

"Yeah, stupid." Tooru sighs slightly, and with a small pause we suddenly hear someone calling Tooru's name on the other end. Tooru responds away from the phone and then turns back to it, both of us guilty parties staring each other in the face while his voice through the phone fills the room. "Ah, well, I gotta go, but if you somehow see her or she texts you, let me know?"

Hajime's gaze is still locked with mine as Tooru speaks, his chest tightening even more with guilt. He clears his throat before replying to Tooru.

"Yeah, got it. I'll let you know." He mutters, his voice barely above a whisper, as he waits for Tooru's response before ending the call, his hand still clutching the phone tightly. The room falls silent for a few moments, the atmosphere heavy with guilt and tension.

I shift slightly in the bed, my gaze falling to pick at some loose thread on the blanket, suddenly feeling guilty. I hadn't felt this way before when Hajime so obviously had reservations, but now it feels different. To witness his relationship with my brother like I wasn't there. As much as I still want him, I'm feeling small in Hajime's presence. I swallow in the quiet. Hajime stands there, his gaze locked onto me, as the weight of his guilt and the reality of the situation settles in. He can sense the shift in my demeanor, the subtle change in body language. He can see the way I'm now avoiding his gaze. It's a stark contrast to the passionate and willing girl he was just pinning against the mattress. He takes a deep, ragged breath, running a hand through his hair, torn between his feelings for me and Tooru.

I bite my lip as we stand there awkwardly in silence, Tooru's ghost in the room with us. I sigh before grabbing my phone in irritation, sending Tooru a quick text.

"I hate you" It's a bona fide regular text I'd send my brother, resulting in a quick text from him with only the middle finger emoji, but I know I might mean it a little more harshly today. I toss the phone aside once more. A few seconds after Tooru sends me that text, we hear Hajime's phone vibrate with a text, probably from the devil himself. We both ignore it.

Hajime's phone vibrates, but he quickly silence it, his eyes still on me. He can sense the tension in the air, the mix of guilt and desire hanging heavily between us. He stands there, trying to figure out what to do, what to say, but his mind is a muddled mess. After a moment of silence, he finally speaks, his voice gruff and strained.

"I shouldn't have touched you. I should have stopped this before it went too far." He mutters, his words raw and honest.

I look at him as he closes his eyes, studying his face. My high is pretty much gone and I know his is. He's so pretty. His jawline and frame have filled out to reveal a true young man, and it makes me feel self-conscious. He's always been older than me, I know, but now that I know what he tastes like, I can't help but feel desperate and guilty about wanting to cross that line. He's always been my brother's hot best friend but it's never felt attainable. It makes my lips pout subconsciously the smallest amount. But I know how he's always seen me, how I've always seen him. Years are miles apart when we've known each other so young, and we still are.

Hajime opens his eyes and catches my gaze, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of my pouty lips. He's always been aware of my innocent crush on him, the way I used to stare at him when I was younger. But now, with the evidence of his desire still on my body...he can no longer pretend he doesn't feel the same way.

"You shouldn't look at me like that..." He mutters, his voice gravelly, betraying his words. He takes a step but catches himself, his hand clenching into a fist.

"Like we just made out?" My voice is a rasp, my mouth downturned slightly at him still bossing me around after all this. The way he's looking at me like a disappointed brother, looking out for me when he's the guy I want.

Hajime's brows furrow slightly at the subtle defiance in my voice, and he can't help but feel a pang of frustration and guilt. I'm not wrong, but he knows he's also right for trying to put an end to this and keep his distance.

"Yeah, like we just made out, because that's what we shouldn't be doing." He retorts, his voice edged with annoyance as his gaze flicks over my body again, his desire still warring with his loyalty to Tooru.

I roll my eyes, annoyed at the situation more than him but taking it out on him anyway. My gaze flits down to his hips, the ones that we're just pinning me down and my breath stutters as I see his own erection undeterred by the sudden interruption, despite his self-control. I grow irritable in my frustration.

"Well, fuck, why don't you just go then?" I snap.

Hajime's body tenses further as my gaze glides down to his hips, his own cock burning hot despite his best efforts to control it. He swallows hard, the effect not lost on him, but he tries to harden his expression, to rein in his desire and maintain his stoic facade.

"You think I don't want to?" He shoots back, his voice harsh, but his gaze locked onto mine, unable to look away from the sight of me flushed and disheveled on the bed.

"No, I think you want to be here." I spit back at him, pointing out his boner with a derisive nod of my head towards his hips, my own desire flushing my cheeks even as I scowl at him. I know he's being difficult, I'm being difficult, and I'm not even sure I know how I want this to end anymore.

Hajime's body involuntarily jerks as I point out his arousal, his expression hardening even more as he tries to control his reaction. He's angry at himself for allowing things to go so far, for letting himself be tempted. But he's even angrier at my defiance, at the way I'm calling him out instead of agreeing with him.

"And what about you, huh? You don't think you have anything to do with all this?" He snaps back, his voice low and gruff.

"Unlike you, I don't give a shit what my brother thinks." I lean forward sitting up fully in bed now as I look up at him through a furrowed brow.

Hajime bristles at the statement, his eyes flashing with a mix of anger and guilt. He can't deny the truth but he doesn't really want to either.

"That's not fair and you know it." He retorts, his voice rising in frustration, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"Tooru has been there for me my whole life, I can't just betray him like this!" Hajime gestures haphazardly towards my body lying on the bed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Betray?" I scoff. "You're not fucking murdering me." I throw my hands up in frustration as I hop off the bed to get on equal standing ground with him as I hold out an animated hand.

"And he's been there for your whole life?! There's a pic of me in the damn hospital with his arms around me!" I counter, but Hajime has started pacing, tugging at his hair as if he can't even hear me anymore past his overthinking.

"Oh fuck. Shit." His breathing starts to turn more into hyperventilation as he mumbles under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut. "He's like a brother to me, I can't do this to him."

"Uh, hello?" I raise my voice at him, my chest matching his in our intensity, the breathing in the room sucking the oxygen out of me. "He's actually, literally my brother here." 

Hajime takes a step closer to me, his chest rising and falling with each ragged breath, pacing abandoned. The tension between us is thick and charged with emotion.

"I know that! You think I don't know that?!" He shoots back, his voice strained with the effort to keep his feelings in check.

"I know he's your brother, and I know how much he means to you. But I also know how much he means to me! I can't just throw away years of friendship for..." He trails off, the words sticking in his throat as his hand once again gestures to me carelessly. My head jerks as I'm taken aback, looking at him swallowing the words he was going to say. My eyes narrow as my jaw tenses.

"For...what?" I say quietly, darkly.

He really shouldn't say it. He doesn't believe it at all. In fact, it would be much better if it was what he claims. But it's not, and he's too stressed and high and desperate to get this to end as quickly as possible. For Tooru.

"For a one-night stand." He mutters, his voice sharp as he tears his gaze away, his jaw clenching as the words leave his mouth, the guilt of them settling on his tongue.

My eyes widen as the wind is taken out of my sails almost immediately. I had an inclination to believe he was going to say something like that, but hearing it with my ears makes them go red with embarrassment and anger. I take a deep inhale and nod, looking off to the side, refusing to look at him like he is. My voice unnaturally low and controlled.

"...Cool. Glad to know that's how you see me." I push past him, shoving at his shoulder as I grab his coat on the chair, making a motion to open my door. Once the panic sets in, he grabs my wrist, but I turn to him and press his coat into his hands, moving him so that I'm pushing him out the door, a snarl in my voice, my face hard.

"Go home." I shut the door firmly behind him.

Hajime's expression is frozen in shock as I shut the door in his face. The sound of the door closing slams in his ears, and he's left standing there in stunned silence, his heart thudding in his chest. He stands there for a moment, too stunned to move, before he finally remembers how to blink. He can't believe he just said that.

"Fuck."

He mutters, his voice barely above a whisper as he looks down at the crumpled coat in his hands.

Chapter Text

I don't see Hajime for a while, dodging Tooru's calls and texts, but know I won't get any from him. Why would I? He doesn't really text me at all, why would a high make out session change that? Especially when it's nothing to him. Just like it's nothing to me. Fuck.

Still, one day I'm studying in my dorm room when I hear the quick knock then immediately bursting in my room is my brother, which makes me jump and pull my headphones down. "Oh, Jesus fuck!" I say in my surprise.

Tooru bursts into the room, a wide grin plastered on his face, his eyes immediately finding my angry face, but he pauses at the sight of me clutching my chest in surprise. "Whoa, calm down! It's just me, dude." He chuckles, shutting the door behind him and plopping down onto the edge of my bed with a light bounce.

I'm just so surprised, and I immediately get self-conscious when I see him plop on my bed, my thoughts going back to the last time I had a visitor. I quickly but subtle grab a hoodie, wondering if any marks can be seen on me after this many days. I sigh nonchalantly, slightly irritated. "What do you want?"

"Why, I can't visit my baby sister just because?" He teases, his head tilting to the side as he looks at me hurt. "Can't a big brother just check on his darling little sister without getting the 'what do you want' treatment?"

"Ugh, why are you playing this shit up?" I groan softly as I turn my chair to look at him, crossing my arms. "You sound like a Disney original character." I sigh before swiveling my chair more fully to the bed, crossing my arms and raising a brow. "What, do you need money or something?"

Tooru feigns offence, placing a hand over his heart and letting out an overexaggerated gasp. "I am wounded, utterly wounded! My own flesh and blood thinks I'm only here to leech money off her." He pouts dramatically before breaking into a smirk. "Also, totally unrelated...but I need five bucks."

I've already dug in my wallet but only have a 20. He looks at it hungrily with a smirk, but I scoff and pull him off the bed to follow me down to one of the college convenience stores. "I'm hungry." I lie just to spend time with him. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed him too.

"Oh, buying me snacks too? You're too kind." He teases, a lightness in his voice as we both make our way down to the convenience store. He slings an arm over my shoulders as I walk, pulling me closer to him, the exaggerated familiarity making him feel like an annoying older brother.

"I didn't say that." I groan under his weight, annoyed. It's late afternoon, so some of the girls in my dorm are hanging out in the parlor, and they all quiet as soon as they see Tooru. Some things never change. One of them smiles under a blush.

"Hey, Oikawa." She's a little quiet, but I can tell it took her courage to say something. I'm only mildly perturbed at the fact that using our family name could be either one of us, like I'm an afterthought.

Tooru flashes his trademark charming smile at the girls, and it's easy to see why they're all blushing and quiet. He's always had an effortless charm about him.

"Hey there." He greets warmly, raising a hand in friendly acknowledgment. He can feel their eyes on him, and he doesn't mind the attention, his eyes roaming over them with a hint of arrogance.

As soon as we exit the hall, I shove him off with a groan, acting annoyed. I'll never get used to being witness to the atrocity known as Tooru flirting. "Ew, I have to get your slime off me." I complain as I tuck my hands into my hoodie pocket.

Tooru laughs, feigning hurt at my shove. He ruffles my messy hair, his smirk widening. "Slime? Damn, what happened to the sweet little kid that used to cling onto me back when we were younger?"

"She died on the cross the day you got your first girlfriend." I stick my tongue out in playful disgust.

Tooru gasps, feigning surprise and mock offense. "Hey, now that's not fair! I was a young, impressionable man, succumbing to the whims of my hormones. Can you blame me?"

"Gross, stop talking about hormones around me." I push at him again, but I'm smiling at the joke. I buy him some shitty candy bar and a drink for me. He yaps the whole time but I give him the five bucks he asked for from the change, and finally he gets to the topic of his roommate, making me flinch at the sound of his name, hiding it behind a shiver from the cold drink.

Tooru pops the candy bar into his mouth, chewing as he continues talking, oblivious.

"Ugh, but honestly, Iwa-chan is such a hard ass. He's so uptight and strict about everything. It's like he takes life too seriously, you know?" He rolls his eyes, taking a swig of sugary soda.

I swipe back the soda as soon as he grabbed it out of my hands, him chuckling as I glare at him. I take a beat, not sure how to respond. Do I defend him or agree? How should I say it?

"What makes you say that?" I opt for neutrality as I take my own sip.

Tooru gives me a knowing sidelong glance, like I'm dumb for not immediately agreeing with him. "Well, he's just got this whole serious, responsible persona about him. He's always nagging me about studying and stuff." He rolls his eyes dramatically. "Like, chill out, bro. We're in college, not a monastery."

I snort at that but roll my eyes. "Well, to be fair, you could stand to study a little more." I take a long sip of my drink while Tooru responds.

"Bro, I swear he just needs to get laid." I cough a little into my drink, embarrassed and annoyed that Tooru said that, my face turning red as it turns to a sneer when I wipe my mouth and clear my throat.

"Ew." I complain.

"Oh, come on, don't be a prude. It's college, you know? It's a time for freedom, exploration, and fun." He winks playfully, taking another carefree bite of the candy bar.

I raise an eyebrow at him, slightly challenging him with a slight grin on my face. He's really saying this after basically banning me from looking at the opposite sex? He looks at me and then his expression straightens when he understands my messaging.

"Not you, though." He says with a seriously intense expression, deadpanning before a smile twitches at his mouth as he takes another bite of his candy.

"What the fuck?!" I complain loudly, shoving at him with a laugh, only making his smile grow.

"Oh, come on, I was just messing with you. You know I'm just looking out for you." He wraps an arm around my shoulders once again, pulling me closer, his expression turning more serious. "But honestly, I just don't want to see you getting hurt. Dating in college can be messy, you know? Especially with the guys in this school. You can't trust any of them."

I snort, crossing my arms with a smile. "You know, you're a guy at this school."

"Exactly." Tooru gives a signature toothy grin, his canines picking out, one that I have as well. I roll my eyes but then I pause slightly as I try to turn up the road to my dorm and Tooru stops me. "Wait, I'm bored, come back to the apartment."

I have a strong moment of indecision, not wanting to run into Hajime, but knowing if I sound like I don't want to come, Tooru will catch on immediately. I barely have time to make a decision anyway, because soon he's got an arm around me, leading back to his place, where I only hope Hajime will be out at classes.

"Home, sweet home." As we reach the apartment, Tooru unlocks the door and ushers me inside with a flourish. He announces cheerfully, throwing himself onto the couch with a satisfied sigh.

I chuckle softly at his flopping, but I'm a little more cautious entering the apartment than usual, listening to see if anyone else is home. Tooru is already making himself comfortable on the couch, flipping through channels on the TV. "Hey, you want some chips or something?" He calls out to me, oblivious at my cautious nature. Just then, I hear the sound of a door opening and footsteps from down the hallway.

"Uh..." I sound distracted as I wonder where the sound is coming from, hoping it's not Hajime. "Yeah, sure..." I comment slowly, then turn to Tooru, hoping it's my imagination, grinning at him. "What did you need the five bucks for anyway?"

Tooru looks up from the TV, a sly smile on his face. He's about to respond with a snarky remark when the sound of footsteps draws closer. Hajime appears from the hallway, dressed in casual clothes, his hair slightly tousled, and I can immediately feel the tension in the room. His eyes immediately dart to me, and for a split second, an unrecognizable expression passes over his face, before it hardens into his usual stoic visage. He raises an eyebrow at my presence.

"Hey." He says simply, his voice devoid of any particular emotion.

My body stiffens as I see him, the past memory flashing in my head viscerally, and then slight irritation at his nonchalance. My mouth downturns for a quick moment before I open my mouth to respond, quickly interrupted by an oblivious Tooru at the couch, opening a bag of chips.

"Iwa-chan, you done with classes?"

Hajime's gaze flicks over to Tooru for a moment before returning, his expression still impassive. He leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, just finished up." He answers, his voice still lacking any particular tone. He glances at me once again, his gaze lingering for a split second longer than necessary.

Tooru grins widely at his roommate, completely oblivious to the charged atmosphere. "You should join us! We're just chilling and watching TV." I ignore Tooru's request, hoping Hajime does the same as I give him a little bit of a derisive nod, probably more pissed off that he seems totally unaffected by seeing me.

"You went to classes like that?" I sneer at his casual clothes, a sweater and sweatpants, like he just woke up from a nap.

Hajime raises an eyebrow, his expression hardening slightly. He clearly doesn't appreciate my attempt to rile him up. "Yeah, so what if I did? It's college, not a fashion show." He retorts, his voice remaining stoic and cool.

Tooru seems amused by our little exchange, watching the banter between the two of us with mild interest, still unaware of the underlying tension. I roll my eyes and go to sit next to Tooru on the couch, but he sticks a leg out stopping me, confused I look up. Tooru is grinning annoyingly.

"No, Iwa-chan's sitting there." He grins and I'm immediately annoyed by the way they influence each other. They're sometimes tolerable alone, but it's like they have a betting pool going over who can tease me the most when they're together. I groan and throw a hand out towards Hajime anyway.

"Iwa-chan's not the one who just bought you ten pounds of snacks, asshole!" I complain, slipping back into an annoying younger sister role that also comes into play when they exclude me like this. I sneak a glance at Hajime, who is suppressing a grin, and my ears turn a little red when I realize I said the nickname we used when we were younger, only Tooru was unable to kick the habit.

Tooru just laughs heartily, a wicked glint in his eyes at my predicament. He's clearly enjoying this entire situation a little too much. But Hajime's grin falters slightly as I call him by that old nickname, and for a brief moment, I can see a hint of nostalgia and something else in his eyes. But he quickly recomposes himself, his expression hardening once again.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you want to sit there, you should have bought me snacks too." He replies, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

I glare at him as he makes his way over smugly to sit by Tooru, them grinning as they telepathically place their arms around each other, like twins teasing me. I know they're playing it up because some days I can get one or the other on my side, but I can tell today is not the day. I groan before turning away to step into the kitchen to raid their fridge. "Oh, get a room." I tease them loudly, irritated, and they laugh, knowing I make jokes about them being a damn couple since forever.

Tooru and Hajime burst out laughing, unbothered by my teasing. It's a routine they're well accustomed to.

"You're just jealous." Tooru's lilting voice sings out a taunt.

"Because we have something you don't have." Iwaizumi teases, his tone slightly mocking, wiggling his eyes at Tooru.

"Yeah, a sense of humor." They both chuckle again, enjoying their playful banter, Hajime sputtering out a laugh with Tooru's comeback.

"Insufferable." I roll my eyes as I grab a beer and chug it, loudly, until I get Tooru's attention and his smile immediately falls, knowing it'll make him mad.

Tooru's eyes widen as soon as he processes what exactly he's seeing. He immediately shoots up from the couch and rushes over, a look of disbelief and annoyance on his face. "What the hell? Put that down!" He growls, trying to snatch the beer from my hand. Hajime just watches the scene, amused by my little game of defiance.

I chuckle into the bottle as I twist away from my brother's grasp, trying to keep going, annoying him in more than one way. I laugh into the bottle as I retort. "You owe me!"

"Damn it, give it back! You're too young to be drinking that!" Hajime's amused chuckles fill the room as he watches the sibling dynamics unfold, his gaze flicking from Tooru to me with growing entertainment.

"Bro, you've literally seen me drinking at parties." I laugh as I walk back towards the living room, bottle still in tow as I shake it tauntingly. And Tooru rolls his eyes, remembering how he tries to stop me drinking there too, but knows I must be unstoppable with a couple shots of liquor in me.

"That doesn't matter! You shouldn't be drinking, period!" He makes another attempt to grab the bottle, but I'm too quick, and he just end up chasing me around the back of the couch. Meanwhile, Hajime remains watching the scene with amusement, his eyes following my every move as I circle.

"Oh fuck off, Tooru, I know you and Tweedle-Dum over here snuck a bottle of tequila from dad's cabinet when you were 16." I snort and nod in Hajime's direction as I remember that night, their sleepover I'd been spying on since they kicked me out of the living room.

Tooru's face flushes slightly at the reminder of that old memory, and I can see Hajime's shoulders shake with silent laughter. "You... You weren't supposed to find out about that."

"Oh shit, you remember that, huh?" He smirks, clearly relishing in the moment. Tooru glares at Hajime, then at me, before trying once again to snatch the beer bottle from my grasp.

Tooru manages to grab the beer bottle out of my hand now, but I'm smirking with victory as I cross my arms, nodding to Tooru as I feel victorious in my own way. "I heard you vomiting and Hajime was laughing the whole night. Was I supposed to sleep through your wailing about never drinking again?" I scoff.

Tooru groans, clearly embarrassed that I witnessed his misery. "Shut up, that was years ago. I don't drink like that anymore."

Hajime just chuckles at the memory himself, a hint of nostalgia in his eyes. "God, we were such idiots back then."

"Speak for yourself. I was a perfectly civilized teenager."

"Oh, please. You wouldn't stop singing 'I Will Survive' at the top of your lungs."

I start to laugh as Hajime recounts it and I share a glinting mischievous smile with him involuntarily as we remember Tooru's ridiculousness at his expense. I widen my eyes and point a finger at Hajime. "Yo, that's right!" I laugh.

Hajime grins even wider, clearly having a lot of fun reminiscing about Tooru's drunken escapades. "Yeah, and then he tried to dance on the table and fell off."

"Ugh, shut up, that didn't happen!"

"I had to drag your ass onto your bed, which you promptly fell on and stayed in for three days." Tooru groans loudly, sinking into the couch in embarrassment.

Hajime and I laugh as we remember, but as it trails off when we catch each other's gaze and another memory of the night resurfaces.

After Tooru had passed out in bed, I was listening to see if the torture had finally ended when a soft knock came at the door. The height difference between us felt bigger back then, but he was shorter than now. Hajime's swaying drunk form had a slight smile on it as he opened my bedroom door in the dark, and I blinked up at him, surprised. A light chuckle in the dark coming from my lips.

"Am I going insane or was Gloria Gaynor here and if so, why didn't I get an autograph?"

Past Hajime gave a unbridled laugh that he stifled with his hand, still seemingly trying to conceal the fact he'd been drinking, Tooru insisting that he couldn't have his 13-year-old sister know how irresponsible they were being. I laugh with him even as I sit up in my bed, him in the door frame. Hajime slowly and unsteadily walked towards the bed and sat at the end. He never really did this now that they were teenagers and always busy with volleyball, so my eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness. His new frame was getting more manly and it made my legs shift under the blanket, likely unnoticed. A few moments of silence before Hajime slurred out.

"Sorry we kicked you out." He sounds remorseful as he runs a finger through his dark hair. It distracted my newly pubescent mind but I just gave a shrug.

"Whatever. If that's the way alcohol works, I'm never going to drink." I laugh with him as he gapes, knowing I've caught them out. He grins but then his eyes widen nervously.

"You're not gonna...?"

"Snitch?" I shrug and laugh as I grin at him. "What, you scared?" I'm taken off guard as he reaches under the blanket to tickle my foot, making me giggle and kick him away, the fondness we have for each other still there. After the pause, I'm suddenly self-conscious, my body changing at this age to a point where I'm wondering if he can tell. I don't even know if I want him to, as I slowly cross my arms, hiding with a blush. Still, he sighs and shakes his head, still drunk.

"...I like your parents." He whispers softly, his voice deeper now than it was years ago. "I don't want them to be mad when they get back."

I blink up at him, my foot sliding back under the cover and nod. "I wasn't. Going to tell. Just so you know." I say quietly, hoping he understands how cool I am now, not so little and annoying.

"I know you wouldn't." He pauses, his voice a bit hoarse as he gives a drunk crooked smile. "You're pretty cool, kid." He looks at me thoughtfully for a moment, his gaze seemingly trying to measure whether or not he should say something else. Then, he finally speaks again. "Hey... promise me something?"

I pout a little at the kid comment, but let it slide. I know to him that's what I'll always be, instead I focus in on his words, slurred as they are. I nod, urging him to go on. Hajime's gaze drifts towards the ground as he chooses his words carefully, his voice almost a whisper.

"Promise me... you'll stay just the way you are." He says firmly, almost sternly. "Don't change. Don't grow up too fast." He glances back at me, his eyes serious though still slightly bloodshot and hazy. "Promise me." He repeats again, the request more an order.

I pout some more, my arms shifting against my chest, already feeling the changes I can't control. I glare at his bloodshot eyes a little. "I want to though. You guys are." I counter, showing just the slightest hint of vulnerability, not wanting to be left behind.

Hajime groans, rolling his eyes at my pouting, the act secretly endearing as he chuckles to himself. Always a handful.

"Yeah, I know... but trust me, growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be." He leans back, propping himself up against the bed frame, the alcohol loosening his tongue a bit more. "Things get complicated, life gets harder."

My eyes widen as he moves up the bed to sit up next to me against the bed frame, my hormones quickly registering us right next to each other on a bed, although I'm unsure his drunk mind is thinking anything about that. I'm embarrassed and I know he doesn't feel anything about it, so I feel like pressing on a line as I shift my thigh to meet his, acting casual about it as I try to talk, my arms still pressed against my chest.

"...I know that." I mumble.

Hajime chuckles in the dark, his eyes glancing down when I shift my arms slightly at my chest. His body freezes for a moment before he clears his hoarse throat, moving down the bed quickly and with a final ruffle of hair, says goodnight.

"Yo, what the fuck?" 

While distracted, I feel Tooru tug at the neck of my sweatshirt with the hand not grasping the bottle, his voice getting lower and slightly more intense. My brow furrows in annoyance as I move to tug back.

"Dude, stop choking m-" My eyes widen slightly and I start to sweat when I realize Tooru isn't looking directly at me, more like...my neck. Or, things on my neck, specifically.

I look back up to Hajime instinctually, and the soft hazy eyes indicating his own mind reminiscing quickly shifts to a furrowed brow, his voice drifting off as he registers the same thing I do, eyes darting up once again to merge our panic together like one foul beast.

Oh shit.

Chapter Text

"Huh? What're you...oh." 

Hajime's pulled out of his flashback when he sees Tooru's eyes on me and mine looking to his for some kind of recognition, mutual realization so that I don't have to be alone with it. I quickly jerk my body back, hoping to release Tooru's grasp on my hoodie, but he holds firm, no longer inspecting but glaring at me.

"You better explain those real fast." Tooru's big brother voice pops out and it can't help but get my heart pumping like I'm about to be in trouble. I put my hands up to my collar to try to pry him off.

"What the-" I complain.

"Tooru, calm down." Hajime's voice takes on a quality meant to de-escalate.

"Calm down?" Tooru grits out as his head whips around to look at Hajime, my hoodie's collar still in his grasp, yanking it a little so I stumble with him. "She's got hickeys on her neck, dude."

My nervous glance lands on Hajime, just for a moment, the stark realization of the fact that they're his making him try to downplay the hickeys even more. Tooru, seeing red, is oblivious to the nuance of the conversation of our eyes. A subtle look of panic plays across his eyes before he swallows, eyes flitting back to Tooru's.

"Come on, man. It's really not a big deal." 

"Not a big deal? Look at them! Someone clearly had their mouth all over her." Tooru sneers with his voice pulled taut, his grip matching as he speaks solely to the guy he thought would be on his side.

"I'm right here, you know." I complain loudly, protesting, trying to hide the slight fear and embarrassment from my brother's protectiveness. I still tug at the collar, but Tooru's a lot stronger and taller than me, making me feel even smaller than I already do.

"Just because you're here doesn't make it any better. Who did this to you? And why?" He's practically growling out the interrogation, pulling my hoodie collar down more to expose my neck more in the cheap lighting of their on-campus apartment.

At his new pulling, I finally get enough leverage to step out of his grasp, readjusting the collar to cover them up again, my neck and face flushing with humiliation as I try to swallow my nerves, Tooru's expression darkening. I roll my eyes, crossing my arms to feel bigger as I start to say sarcastically, ignoring his first question. "Well, you see, when two people like each other very much..."

Hajime almost winces with my inability to not poke the fire when he knows exactly how much this development will piss off Tooru. 

"Not funny." Tooru grits out, speaking sharply towards me. "Who are you sleeping with?"

I let out a scoff, a humorless smile on my face as I throw my arms out to the side, embarrassed at both of them staring at me. One very angry big brother and the tense boy who gave them to me. I give a little awkward chuckle, shrugging. "...No one." It comes out higher pitched than I wanted as I give a little shake of my head.

"Bullshit." Tooru is clearly not buying the denial, his expression skeptical as his eyes narrow and jaw clenches. "'No one' just happened to leave those marks on your neck." His air quotes are sarcastic and mean, but Hajime tries to find an opportunity to defuse the tension in the room once again.

"Hey, maybe give her some space." Hajime nods to the way Tooru has stepped closer to me once again. "You're being a little intense, dude." Tooru feels Hajime's hand graze his shoulder and he jerks back a little to stare at him, his eyes flashing.

"Iwa-chan, don't fucking play with me right now." Tooru glances at me once more and points an accusatory finger in my direction. "Some random fucking...douchebag just got off on my little sister." He grits out loudly and I flinch with the sound, and it doesn't seem like Hajime is immune either.

Hajime rubs his forehead, feeling a headache coming on as this situation spirals out of control. Tooru's anger is palpable, and he knows this isn't going to end well if he doesn't step in. "Let's just...relax for a-"

"Relax? How am I supposed to relax when someone's been sucking on her neck like a damn vacuum cleaner."

I shrink back a little at his comment, and let out a huff before Hajime takes any more of the brunt for me. "Tooru, stop. I'm not a fucking baby."

"You sure are acting like one." I bristle at his awful tone, but it's clear from his eyes that he's not exactly being coherent in his strange protectiveness. His glare is blazing as he turns it on Hajime when he steps forward, stopping his newest attempt to get Tooru to calm down. "And you're not taking this seriously enough."

My face twists with Tooru's reprimands, knowing he's overreacting but it doesn't take away the feeling of getting hurt. I shrink back slightly, looking down at my feet as Tooru argues with Hajime.

"She's my sister. I'm supposed to protect her and someone's taking advantage of her!" 

"Jesus, don't say it like that." I complain loudly, gathering some courage as I lean forward. "It's not like he hurt me." Tooru is still glaring at me, but my eyes shift to Hajime, trying to give him some small assurance that I wanted this no matter how Tooru might think it went down. Tooru remains oblivious as he scoffs.

"I'm sorry, have you seen your neck? The bastard probably went at it like a damn vampire!" 

I sigh and roll my eyes, shaking my head as I look away, hearing Hajime urge Tooru to take a breather or a walk or something. I'm still staring at some corner of the living room, eyes slightly vacant, like I had to numb myself to listen to Tooru's verbal lashing. I rub a hand down my sweatshirt sleeve, before readjusting it once again to hide the marks even more carefully. Tooru must tire himself out from the anger when he looks around and sees that no one's taking his side in this. He angrily grabs at his coat as he snaps.

"Whatever, I'm leaving. This-" He points a finger at me with a stern brow as he swings the door open. "...isn't over." As he slams the door like a thwarted supervillain, I finally let out a shaky breath.

"...You okay?" The soft voice is such a large contrast to Tooru's treatment, I feel tears spring in my eyes, but I shake my head, unsure if I'm confirming if I'm not okay or just dismissing the notion in general as I cross my arms, trying to close myself off a little as I sniff, trying to urge the tears back.

"It's fine." I comment in a hoarse voice, because if I say too much I'll cry.

He hesitates for a moment, clearly debating something, before asking cautiously. "You...you wanted those, right?"

I look up at him, my eyes still watery but I can see his sweet concern on his face as his eyes drift to the collar of my sweatshirt, considering the marks are more covered now. The guilt is obvious on his face, considering he's complicit in this outcome, the guy who gave them to me. I let out a little chuckle before wiping at the corner of my eye with a sleeve, a twisted smile on my face.

"Well, maybe if I hid them better..." I chuckle, feeling slight remorse just because of Tooru's reaction, embarrassment flooding my face.

Hajime sighs softly, the guilt in his eyes growing as he rubs the back of his neck. "I..." He hesitates for a moment, his mind clearly racing, sorting out his words. "I'm sorry. I should've been more careful. I shouldn't have...marked you up like that."

I shrug, giving him a tentative smile, my voice still a slight rasp. "Yeah but...I don't know." I scuff the ground with my foot, looking down as I murmur. "...I liked it."

Hajime's breath hitches slightly, his eyes widening at the admission. He wasn't expecting such a candid reply, and he can't help but feel a mixture of guilt and something else stirring in his chest. "...Really?" 

I smile at the ground, hearing the relief in his voice. Slowly, carefully, I feel Hajime tentatively lift my chin to look up at him, so much taller than me already. Hajime's heart flutters as he gently tilts my chin up, his touch almost trembling with a mixture of nervousness and excitement. He gazes down, his eyes searching my face, trying to read what goes on in my mind. The air between us is thick with tension, as if a dam is about to break. My eyes half-lid as they flutter about his face, landing near the corner of his mouth.

As his breathing hitches, I feel him move that hand from my chin down my neck softly, slowly and gently revealing more of my marks as he pushes the collar of my hoodie back. His gaze is fixed on the red and purple spots that he had painted on my skin, almost entranced by seeing them for the first time. His fingers trace ever so lightly along the edge of one, feeling the heat beneath. My own breathing hitches to match his as he traces the sensitive spot of my neck, making my chest rise and fall just the tiniest bit quicker. I feel his hand slowly move down to my collarbone, carefully placing his hand under the collar of my sweatshirt for just a moment, as if to feel the flush on my chest in proximity.

Hajime feels the quickening of my breath beneath his touch, the air between us both growing heavy with tension. He can feel my skin slightly hotter than normal, the marks he once left on me now a testament to our shared secret. His hand glides down to my collarbone, lingering for a moment to feel the heat radiating off of me, his mind racing with a mix of anticipation and desire. I'm panting just a little bit, my lips parting as my pulse races underneath the tips of his fingers, when I hear him whisper.

"You look really pretty with them." Hajime murmurs.

The compliment makes a fresh wave of emotion in my mind after being berated so harshly from my brother. It makes me brush back my hair slightly, letting my hand drop to the wrist of his brushing my collarbone. I whisper hoarsely. "We should probably..." I give a slight glance towards the door, nervous about when Tooru will be back.

Hajime’s eyes follow to the door, realizing that Tooru could be back at any moment. The last thing either of us needs is more of Tooru yelling, especially not about this. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his own racing heart, before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, you're right." His voice is steadier now, although his hand remains on my collarbone, reluctant to let go. “But...we should talk.”

My body stiffens slightly when I realize what he's saying. I've been avoiding him since kicking him out of my place. Since he said a one-night stand with me isn't worth it. Even though his hand is still on me, I take a step back, making it fall.

Hajime feels the shift in atmosphere, the air growing thick with tension. He sees the sudden stiffness in my body and understands all too well what it means. He clenches his now empty hand, the memory of my collarbone under his fingertips still fresh in his mind. Seeing the hesitancy in my eyes, he sighs softly, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"You can't keep avoiding me."

"I'm not." I lie as I look away from him.

"Yes, you are." His expression hardens as he clenches his fist in his pocket, making an effort not to touch me.

"Now why would I do that?" I ask sarcastically, slowly as if challenging him. But he doesn't take the bait, shaking his head in disappointment as he looks off to a corner of the room as if running from the same exact problem as me. I scoff and roll my eyes. Of course he won't admit that he said some bullshit. I push past him, stealing one of Tooru's snacks as I pass the kitchen, letting the door click behind me, not bothering to wait for Tooru's return.

A couple days later, I show up to Tooru and Hajime's volleyball practice, but Tooru calls me over. He's mostly forgiven the hickey incident, probably unless it gets brought up. He's told me that tonight, a rival scrimmage was popping up at the local gym and that I'm supposed to go with Hajime to scout. I gape at him, angry in more ways than one.

"What the hell? I'm not on the volleyball team, why should I do it?" I whine and complain loudly.

"Because Iwa-chan's handwriting is ass." Tooru yells back, annoyed at me before shoving me into Hajime's chest, me jumping at his sudden appearance behind me. Tooru doesn't notice as he just brushes us off. "Hurry up before the damn gym closes."

We drive to the gym in almost silence, the local gym Tooru said ended up being 45 min away. I'm seething in the passenger seat, arms crossed as I glare out the window or pretend to be occupied with my phone and although I can tell Hajime isn't happy with this arrangement, he doesn't bother pushing conversation when we'd obviously rather be anywhere else. I roll my eyes, not bothering to speak before opening the car door and heading inside the gym after the painful ride over.

When we arrive, the teams laugh at the recon missions sent by other neighboring teams, but they feel confident enough to not be bothered. I'm sitting by Hajime, bored as I place a head in my hand, notepad on my lap as Hajime throws out terms and tells me where to write them down. I'm quiet and pouting and Hajime leans back on the bleachers, obviously trying to avoid speaking to me as well.

During a break in between matches, Hajime gets up to speak to one of the coaches about the lineup when I'm doodling in the margins of the notepad, a volleyball rolls into view. I look up, bored when I see one of the boys on the team, a kid with gray hair and a beauty mark, raise a hand with a smile and jog over.

"My bad." He grins.

"It just rolled over here." I shrug without a grin, my heart pumping.

He chuckles and wipes some of his hair up out of his face. "What's your name?"

I blink slightly in shock at the question, just confused as my brow furrows. "What's it to you?" I stare as I narrow my eyes, wondering how recon would work in this context.

The boy laughs easily. "Just want to know."

I blink at him in confusion. I'm about to question this boy further when I start to see Hajime approaching. The boy seems to turn in the direction I do, and blanches slightly before chuckling and waving goodbye, taking the volleyball to the court.

"What did he want?" Hajime huffs out as he plops down next to me, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenches his teeth. 

"No idea." I shrug as I go back to the notepad, doodling in the margins, back to ignoring him.

After some quiet moments where the sound of volleyballs bouncing and people shouting overtake our silence, he leans back against the bench, placing his hands behind him to prop him up, trying to come off nonchalant. "He was flirting with you."

"Nope." I comment quickly, knowingly, then wonder if I should be playing mind games and say yes. I shake my head with a sigh, knowing I can't play games without getting caught, returning to my doodles

Hajime lets out a cold chuckle, like I'm too naive to get it, sending more angry blood through my veins. "He definitely was, but okay."

"Whatever. I don't care." I say that but when the game restarts, my eyes tend to drift to the unknown boy. He's a setter and he's grinning when he catches my eye, making me look back down at my notepad quickly, flushing slightly now that Hajime planted the idea in my head. After a moment, I find Hajime's stare a little too annoying and I huff out quietly under my breath. "Smiling at me is not flirting, FYI." I say it with a roll of my eyes but when the boy keeps stealing glances, I start to worry at my bottom lip, pretending to focus on anything else.

I roll my eyes but in the next break, Hajime stays by my side. The boy glances over at us, and his practice match he lost. It looks like he debates coming over, considering I think his school's team is riding back.

"Hey." He smiles at both of us as he approaches, I guess undeterred from Hajime, as long as he says hi to both of us.

"Hi." I  respond while Hajime just kind of glances with a nod.

"Um, what school are y'all from?" I dutifully report the school name while the strange boy nods and grins.

"Oh shit, the one with that duo setter-spiker? That's cool." I tilt my head, wondering who exactly he's excited about. I nod a little just to move on. "I'd love if I could see them play sometime." The kid grins at the floor before looking at both of us, but when he sees Hajime on his phone, he turns his attention back to me.

"Maybe you could give me your number so I can come watch sometime?"

"You don't need her number." 

The gray-haired boy and I both turn to look at Hajime, who is glancing down at his phone lazily, surprised at the rude interjection and confused on how to proceed, but Hajime then holds his hand out at an empty contact screen. Once we understand his intention, the guy looks at me from his peripheral but decides its easier to just go along with what Hajime wants, especially since I haven't really been the most enthusiastic about giving him my information. After he finishes filling out his number for Hajime's cell, he turns to me even before Hajime has grasped it back, a refreshing smile on his face. "So, do I finally get to know your name at least?" 

"Oikawa." I watch his eyes widen slightly with the name of my brother and let out a little chuckle. "Yeah, he's my brother." I know he's thinking of the setter-spiker duo. I give a little nod towards Iwaizumi. "Actually, he's the other part of that pair."

"Oh really?" The kid attempts to smile at Hajime who just lets out a heavy sigh and gets up like he's bored of this conversation. I grimace as he makes his way out the big doors, probably to go grumble by the car and I turn to look at Mr. Beauty Mark.

"Sorry, he's a dick." 

"No problem." I'm glancing at the path that Hajime took and bite my lip in concern, not really sure what to do when I hear the guy chuckle beside me. "Well, my name is Sugawara, if you ever decided you might want to know." I swivel my head back to look at the stranger with a slightly apologetic feeling stuck in my stomach when I realize I was probably as rude if not more than Hajime but he truly seems unbothered, shrugging and giving a little wave. 

We spend about 10 minutes in the car being silent, not much different than the ride over.

"He was flirting with you." 

I let out a little huff or snort of amusement, shaking my head to conceal the irritation just slightly, crossing my arms.

"He was. And you let him." Hajime scoffs with a condescending smile on his face, tilting his head like I'm unbelievable as his hands squeeze the wheel.

"Why shouldn't I?" I counter, going onto my phone as if bored with the conversation, my eyes never glancing towards him.

"Because-" Hajime struggles to find an argument but he doesn't stop himself from trying to come up with it in the middle of an uncharacteristically stuttered sentence. "Because you're...you're!" 

"I'm...what? His best friend's little sister?" I let out a little gasp and turn to him with wide eyes as if I just realized. "Oh wait! No, that's your issue." I feel myself grow smug with pride at the way his face twists in frustration at the joke that wasn't really a joke. I sigh and shrug, rolling my eyes to further piss him off. "I'm not going to be a nun, hate to break it to you both."

"Oh my god." Hajime finally pulls off the unbusy road to glare at me, turning his entire body to face me as his eyes widen and he grabs my phone to grab my attention. "Stop acting like what I'm saying is bullshit when-"

"But it is bullshit, Hajime!" I yell back in his face, looking at him just as intensely as I shake my head, an incredulous laugh escaping my throat. "You can't seriously believe Tooru's protectiveness is going to do me any good, do you?" I stare at him, wide-eyed but I can tell from the way he looks over my shoulder and remembers the argument that Tooru's overly controlling. I give his unspoken an encouraging nod. "...I'm an adult. You don't have to think so-" I interrupt him as soon as I see the look of protest on his drawn together brows, holding a placating hand up, trying to ignore the pain in my stomach from knowing he's never going to want me like I want him, so I might as well just try to do this on my terms. "...but don't you think I deserve the college experience too?" I look at him imploringly, seriously hoping to appeal to the side of him that understood when Tooru was being irrational. 

I'm not entirely sure that's what I get when I look at his face turn down in disappointment, but it's not very clear with what. Me? Tooru? Or something else?

He runs a hand through his perpetually messy hair, his thick eyebrows furrowing as he turns back to run his large hands down the steering wheel as if moving will help churn the cogs in his head as well, sighing heavily. After a moment of silence, he mutters out half-heartedly. "I don't want you to get hurt either." 

My heart twinges with affection and irritation, like I'm happy he cares but unhappy that he doesn't care in the way that I do. I'm about to open my mouth to reassure him but he continues while staring intently at the center of the wheel. "I mean, Tooru does get weirdly intense about it, but I don't wanna lie and say it doesn't matter to me because it does." His ears turn a subtle pink as he groans, closing his eyes as my lips part and drink in his profile while he's caught unawares. 

"I can handle it." I say quietly, softly as if that could convince them that I can be trusted. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say as his eyes fly open.

"No, you really can't." The way his eyes burn into mine makes me jolt back in surprise, but as he clenches his jaw, he restarts the ignition and begins driving again, like he's done with saying his piece and I don't get to have any more say. It makes my whole body burn.

"What the fuck does that mean?" 

"It means..." Hajime huffs out as he slams the gas to try to make up for the lost time of speaking to me, desperate to get out of my presence as quickly as possible. "...every time you're at a stupid fucking party, which is for some reason, always..." His voice is lilting and rollercoaster-like with how much his pitch changes while accusing me seriously and sarcastically, that I can't help but feel captivated by the speech. "...you drink so much someone has to get you home or..." His hands tighten on the wheel without looking over at me. "...someone almost takes you home."

I feel my skin burn with humiliation and embarrassment at his assessment of my weekend nights that are very typical of a freshman girl just learning to enjoy her new freedom.

It's not fair. 

I think the sentiment to myself but choose to be quiet until we finally reach the volleyball lot, and as I slam the door of their shitty car, I push the notepad with all the scouting information into Hajime's hands before he can try to talk his way out of being a douchebag. I glare up at him even as I hear the ends of practice echoing out of the gym.

"And you wish it was you, huh?" 

He looks down at me with a confused expression, but right before I walk away, I see his eyes widen with understanding, the response only computed long enough to bug him but not enough for him to complain to my quickly disappearing body as I walk my way back to my own dorm building and away from these stupid volleyball players.

Chapter Text

"Go home!" Tooru yells out her name, dismissing her as she pouts, shifting her backpack some before looking at Iwaizumi pointedly, as if trying to recruit him. He feels a little bit of guilt as he looks from her small form to his best friend spinning a volleyball on his finger, already walking off towards the park. It's not enough to stop him from feeling bad, but he's never been an initiator, so he shrugs as he looks at her red face get redder.

"Sorry, kid." 

"...Whatever. I'm telling your mom." 

"Oh, cut it out! You're such a brat." Tooru seems to re-enter the ring with his younger sister's snitching, throwing the volleyball at her little body and Hajime feels himself cringe with panic, but she catches the ball, surprising both of them, her front teeth missing from her mischievous smile, her feet taking a couple steps back before darting down the street.

"Can't catch me!" She taunts as she laughs, but he hears Tooru growl in annoyance at the antics, nodding at Hajime to corner me somewhere as I start to run through the neighborhood yards, much to Tooru's chagrin, having to apologize tomorrow about trespassing.

Hajime knows he should be upset by this display of immaturity. He'd been itching to play with the other kids down at the park today. He never gets to because his mom wants him trained at the rec center, but he just wanted to get along with the other boys like Tooru did at school, instead of all the aunties down at the center. But he couldn't help but feel like a part of a family whenever Tooru got irrationally angry at his little sister, or when he felt like a brother to both of them. He didn't want her to get discouraged, so instead of searching in earnest, he walked around the fencing down the road. After a couple minutes of leisurely strolling, he actually stumbles upon the seated little girl, her brow furrowed in anger, the playfulness from earlier deserted as he sees her with a pair of kid-safe scissors, attempting to desecrate the volleyball.

"Don't do that!" Hajime's voice is high with panic as he runs forward to try to grab it from her, but she just turns and shoves it underneath her, making him unable to take it from her as she whines.

"Leave me alone!" 

"Your mom is gonna be mad!" Hajime looks around for a moment, but decides he needs to get that ball back quickly, trying to reach around to grab the ball underneath her stomach, wrapped in her arms when she squeals out.

"Gross! They'll get on me!" 

"What?" Hajime asks in confusion as he backs away with a flush on his face, embarrassed as he looks down at his clothes, worried he has food on himself from lunch.

"Boys have cooties." 

Hajime's face wholly twists in disbelief as he scoffs and crosses his arms. "That's what babies think." 

"I'm not a baby!" She points accusingly up to his face, hand still tight on the volleyball. "Besides, I heard you say girls are gross to Tooru!" 

"Because..." Hajime searches his brain for a reason to find girls gross, but he really can't figure it out with his ten-year-old brain. He shrugs half-heartedly, attempting nonchalance rather than admit he was wrong.

"Exactly." She huffs out the word with pride even as she lies crumpled on the ground still protecting her prize, even though it has a bunch of scratches from her ineffective scissors.

Hajime huffs before planting himself on the ground next to her, annoyance leaving him through his voice as he lifts a hand towards her stronghold. "What are you even trying to do to it?"

Her exertion has made her face red, but the twisted expression loosens the smallest amount when she sees the way that Hajime relaxes, making her pull her knees up the smallest amount to sit up, hands still tight around the sphere. She looks as if she wants to speak but doesn't trust him, so Hajime just shrugs and rolls his eyes as he lies back in the grass. He's learned this is the best tactic to use with sisters and he suppresses a grin as he hears her rough exhale, mumbling.

"You guys stopped playing with me when you got it." Her voice is bitter as he hears the squeak of her fingers against the volleyball, wet from her sweaty hands determined to keep it from them. He lifts his head up to look at her, blinking in surprise as he stares at the way her mouth downturns as she glares at the object in her hands. 

Have they? Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't recall the last time they sat down and played with her dolls or played tag with anyone but the kids at school, and then soon enough it would be volleyball practice at the local rec center. His memories start to dig a hole into his stomach as he feels his chest start to cave in on itself with a heavy sigh, but when he notices the squeaking had stopped, he looked up to find her bright brown eyes wide and trained on his. He felt a blush in the tips of his ears, and went so far as to attempt to cover them subtly, though failing in the end.

"W-What are you looking at?" He stuttered out with a haughty tone, embarrassed at the attention she was giving him, but she didn't avert her gaze. 

A couple more seconds of silence in which Hajime's mouth tightened with nerves. 

"I want to play with you." 

His blush dissipated quickly, his own mouth and jaw relaxing as he took in the sincerity of the statement. His hands moved down to the grass once again, but his eyes remained on her face, and he felt himself swallow.

I mean, she's so little. Hajime justified his heartbeat by giving it the name of guilt and with an exasperated sigh, moving to stand and brushing off the grass from his butt, then holding a begrudging hand out with a roll of his eyes, an excuse to not look at her face still painted with not a small amount of dirt. 

"...Man, I could really go for some tea right now." Hajime speaks comically loud as he closes his eyes, suppressing a grin as he hears her gasp of delight and reach for his hand to let him help her up.

"The Great Destroyer told me he missed you at the last party!" She starts to pull at his hand and giggle as they make their way back to the Oikawas', and he can't help but grin at her eagerness to get back to tea time, and he couldn't help but feel a sinister joy of seeing Tooru's action figures placed around the teapots. Not that he cared, Hajime could tell Tooru liked the drama of the tea parties better anyway. Such was proven when they spotted Tooru talking and giggling with a couple of the neighborhood kids on the sidewalk in front of their house. 

Tooru turned to see them and Hajime could tell from the line between his brows that he was about to yell out at his sister, but stops when he sees her wave excitedly, her ire lost in the idea of a grand tea party attended by her two favorite people. Tooru's face softens as she bounces her way over, letting go of Hajime's hand in the process. Hajime takes a moment to stare at his freed hand, then places it back on the volleyball, convincing himself that's where it would rather be all along.

As the neighborhood kids slink away from Tooru's dismissal, Hajime can already hear the two barking at each other.

"What do you mean Chrysanthemum doesn't remember me?!" Tooru has already started to whine, holding his arms out pleadingly while his little sister teases him.

"She fancies Mr. Ted much better now." She attempts to don a posh British accent even when Tooru distressingly puts his hands in his hair, and Hajime tries not to smile at the warmth of a home even when the sun sets and the tea goes cold. 

Iwaizumi's mind is hazy with the dream he had last night, memories of childhood floating around in his brain. Maybe it's a punishment for thinking about her now. Thinking about her in ways that make him disgusted at himself, not even just in fear of Tooru's wrath. He hears the muffled sound of one of his project members talking but Iwaizumi is too busy with his own self-loathing to pay attention, a hand propping up his disinterested face and the other spinning his pencil absentmindedly.

She's always been cute, sure, but that's it. Who doesn't think a sweet little girl is cute? Iwaizumi closes his eyes as he furrows his brow, a subtle nod as he tries to convince himself that he's not a super freak pervert when the classmate beside him taps on his shoulder, jolting him out of whatever mindscape he was traveling. Sitting up straight, his wide eyes turn to face the culprit, and he feels his stomach gurgle with nerves when he realizes he can't recall her name. Seiko? Shinobu? Suzue? 

"Are you okay?" S-name chuckles with a slightly concerned smile on her face. "You seem a little out of it."

He blinks rapidly as he waits for his heartbeat to slow, embarrassed at being caught so unaware when the earlier classmate asks what's happening, and she answers for him. "Iwaizumi was just telling me that he has a meeting after this one, so we have to wrap up." 

Fuck, she knows my name too? Iwaizumi's panic leaps in his chest but he feels it deflate just as easily when what seems to be the self-appointed group leader grumbles about scheduling. "Fine, Saki, but you have to coordinate next meeting then. This project is due in like a week so we have to get serious." 

What a douche. Iwaizumi can't help but think it even as all the other people at the table pack up their things exponentially fast, vacant looks on their face like they were just hoping someone would end the meeting, and he glances back to the girl named Saki (he would've figured it out eventually), impressed by her ability to manipulate the atmosphere easily. He's surprised to see she's packing up her things too, but slowly, and as the study room clears, she gives him a mischievous grin.

"Thanks for looking like that." He feels that signature blush of his race to his ears with the bold statement. No one really flirts so...earnestly with him when Shittykawa is usually only a few paces away, so he's frozen like a deer in headlights but she chuckles and turns back to her backpack. "Gave me the excuse to end everyone's misery."

Iwaizumi's heart droops at the realization that he had it all wrong, but his blush remains from embarrassment, he gives a little mumble to acknowledge her talking when she continues.

"...But we probably should start taking this assignment seriously." Saki chuckles and looks at him expectantly. "When do you think you'll be free? Preferably when you're awake and focused but..." Another easy chuckle escapes her lips, but her thick brows furrow once again with amused concern, a helping hand extended. "Did you...want to talk about it?"

"...Huh?" Iwaizumi's brain hasn't really decided to be in the room. Honestly, he probably left it tucked in his bed this morning, still running circles around why that dream occurred and what it means.

"Is it something with the team?" 

Iwaizumi stares, blank and confused, to which she starts to stumble over her words like she's worried she's mistaken. "...You are Iwaizumi Hajime, right?" Another nervous chuckle. "You know, ace of our volleyball team? Or did I just dream that up?" 

"You dreamt about that?" Iwaizumi stands up frantically, making the chair squeak and her eyes widen as she looks up at him, slightly taller than her. "Why do you think that happened? What does that mean?" His sharp eyes search her expression like she possesses some crucial knowledge that could lead him to the answer to his own nightmarish problem, but she holds her hands out in a tight shrug, a blush covering her cheeks as she laughs.

"Dude, I don't know. Are you really not?"

"N-No, I mean, I am, it's just-" 

"Okay, good." Saki lets out a relieved laugh as she closes her eyes, hand to her heart, seemingly forgetting his presence in the moment. "He was so hot, I was like, there's no way I wouldn't recognize him." 

Now he really feels his mind spin. He's got to be mistaken since he was earlier, but when she opens her eyes with a relaxed smile that immediately dips into horror, he knows he's not.

"Oh, fuck, sorry. I just mean...well, I mean, you gotta know, right? I don't know how you couldn't when you look like..." Her breathing is weirdly breathy and she gestures to his body and then immediately regrets it, running her hands down her face to hide it as she groans and grabs her bag, apologizing one more time before she completely stops. Iwaizumi only realizes his part in it after she looks down to find his hand on her wrist.

"...Are you free right now?" Iwaizumi hears his voice but doesn't feel himself speaking the words aloud. She looks up at him with a confused red expression, but nods reluctantly. He returns the gesture, his eyes scanning the room as he finds himself asking the same internal question as her. Why? "Let's get coffee." 

Hajime sends Saki off to her next class, waving casually with one hand stuck in his pocket, grinning. 

"She's nice. Pretty."

Hajime is nodding once again, feeling somewhat proud of himself for doing something other than perseverating on that damn dream starring the bane of his existence. But soon, he questions why his internal voice sounds exactly like hers. She must've somehow infected him so wholly that he's going insane.

That's when his brain actually decides to reveal its presence along with my body standing beside his, matching the same stance he'd adopted of crossed arms and a satisfied smile. Until he comprehends reality and jumps back with a twisted expression, a mix of anger, embarrassment, and shock.

"What, you don't think so?" I ask him with an innocently inquisitive tone and expression.

"Wha...What the fuck-?" He's half-whispering in disbelief as he looks around, trying to see if he's dreaming again but is mortified to find that he's not.

"She's tall." I nod appreciatively, appraising her as she finishes climbing the steps to her next class. "Nice ass too." 

Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say but the perfect thing to bring Hajime back to his senses, a hand wrapped around my bicep to drag me away from the liability of being seen. It's not exactly easy with my voice irritating him by whining about how he's unlawfully detaining me until he releases me in a shaded, secluded area behind the Honors building.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Hajime hisses out while leaning closer to me, his ears still red from embarrassment, much to my pleasure. I shrug casually.

"What, am I not allowed to attend classes now?" I hold up a hand with an exasperated sigh, ticking the fingers and offenses. "Not allowed to date, to party, to drink, to study." I dramatically and sarcastically raise my arms. "Should I just drop out and become a stripper?"

Hajime groans in a hoarse throat as he suppresses a whimper at how annoying I'm being, running his hands down his face as he tries to breathe through the humiliation of being caught on a date by the person he'd been trying to forget the entire time. It almost worked too!

That's when he realizes I haven't said anything in a while, and he reluctantly peels his hands off his eyes to look at me, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with my canines peeking out of my shit-eating grin. 

Oh, fuck me. 

"Stalker." He mutters under his breath before starting to head back towards his apartment, leading to her whining and trailing behind him, to which he does his best to ignore.

"Oh, come on!" He can hear the smile in my voice and he clenches his jaw as I pull on his backpack strap teasingly, him ignoring the extra weight. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing stopping you from putting yourself out there, buddy." I say it patronizingly and then sigh dramatically, but my own bitterness creeps in between the accusation. "You don't have two jailors." 

The comment seems to ignite some feeling that's been bubbling and pulsing in the muscle in his jaw and the blood rushing around his body like rapids. He turns around fast and harsh, leading to me stumbling back and forth, desperate to find balance even while staring into the intense eyes of someone entirely over...whatever I'm doing.

"Do you want to get some tact? Or is that buried under where your common sense should be?" He grits out and I feel myself shrink underneath his tall figure, intimidating and looming. "Do you seriously believe I'm interested in talking to you about my love life?" He sneers and it makes a chill run through my veins, but my heart can't stop thumping around in my chest. "No, I'd sooner become a monk than talk to you about it."

He turns and continues his path following the brick wall lining the back of the building, but I recover quickly and walk a couple paces behind him leisurely. To be totally fair, I'm an expert at getting Hajime mad at me, and he can try to deny it, but he knows.

"Oh, well, that's not very nice of you to-"

I feel a tight pull at the back of my head and only realize its his hand after he's already pried my talkative lips open with his own, angry and bothered. I make a surprised choking noise into his, but he doesn't lift his lips at all, his tongue sliding against mine insistently even as his hand softens but presses me closer, the slight sting sending shivers down my spine as my eyes finally decide to close and indulge, and his body seems to shake with his breath, like it can finally relax now that I've acquiesced. In fact, it might be overly confident when I feel his other hand come to grip my waist, maneuvering my body to dig into the brick foundation of the building, and I can feel the way his fingers flex with restraint, half of his body wanting to take this further and the other pretending like it's attempting to keep up a boundary even with our mouths moaning into each other's as his teeth skim my bottom lip, making my hips search for his.

My eyes almost fling open with the frustration of being unable to find them, and I groan with his restraint, realizing belatedly that his hands are pinning me, but every other part of him is consciously keeping its distance and I let out a whimper of irritation at his awful pretense that he's in control of this whole kiss. He's always doing this, and it's exactly what he did the first time too. Angry and horny, I let my own hands find his waist and move to tug him closer to give me the friction needed to relieve the hormones he's inspired with his stupid fucking mouth, but even though I feel his hips agree with me, his hands quickly move to mine and shove them against the wall, joining my body in confinement, much to my chagrin.

"Stop." He groans it against my mouth, his own unwilling to risk parting our lips in case his mind wrests control and he comes to terms with the fact that he can't keep kissing me. I pant against those tightly wound lips and I resist begging him to just give an inch, the idea of his denim working me sending me into a spiral of heat, a whine escaping my frustratingly desperate throat.

"Why do you always get what you-" 

"Get what?" Hajime snarls the words, his hands flexing around her wrists, tightening with his own version of frustration of being pushed against her body instead of his trapped dick. "No, you know who always gets what they want?" He pants as he moves his hand up to my chin, lifting my red and dazed face to meet his gaze, his breathing heavy and labored even though his face looks like he's going to deck me.

"I'll give you a hint." His eyes scan over me as his voice whispers out the words, softening only slightly as he drags the same hand lightly down my throat where my hickeys have almost fully healed, the outlines faint. "It's someone who got every gift on her Christmas wish list." He groans as he leans forward but his hand remains tight around my throat, not squeezing hard but enough to make me feel him when I let out a shuddering breath.

"Someone who gets bored so easily, all it took was a couple well-timed tears to get out of volleyball." I feel his lips grazing the shell of my ear as his other hand keeps mine pinned at my side, a groan as he tries to keep himself from rocking into my body so close, so available.

"Someone who gets the last slice of her brother's birthday cake because he hates seeing you cry." I feel his teeth move down my ear to my throat, pressing a gentle kiss underneath my jawline, so dichotomous from his words, I shake with anticipation.

"No, it's the girl that keeps me wrapped around her finger..." He lets out a shuddering breath, as if this confession is sucking the life out of him as his lips move against my throat. "...when all I want to do is watch her bratty little mouth wrap around my cock." He lets out the last word on a choke and I feel his tongue lick a stripe down my neck, tense and unwavering as he lets out a defeated groan, his brows furrowed like his body won't listen to him. As I let a soft sound of desire escape my throat, he quickly releases me, going so far as to push me against the building once more with a scoff, before making to turn fast, his body trying to escape the tension he created. It's so insulting and I'm so pent up that I start to taunt him with my own retort, calling out.

"You know, I could if-" 

Hajime steps back into my space like it took nothing to return to me, an obscene gravitational pull that irks him to no end as he pulls at my sweatshirt, the fabric bunched in his hand as he makes his breath ghost my lips, smelling slightly of burnt coffee beans. "You're so fucking naive, it's unbelievable." Hajime's throat seems to burn with anger as he speaks roughly, his eyes a warning as his fingers twist in the fabric, like he's a bully on the schoolyard. "You think I'd be able to fucking stop?" My pulse quickens and I feel my thighs press together trying to relieve the built-up desire he doesn't want to recognize between us. 

"Go. Home." Hajime tosses my stretched sweatshirt out of his hand in dismissal, before yanking himself back onto the path back to the apartment, shouting even as his face remains forward, unable to acknowledge me unless he wants to get sucked into it again. Maybe he does.

"And stay out of my dreams."

Chapter Text

Hajime can't think. He can't even breathe if he's being honest. But if he's being honest, he feels fucking great. 

He can't remember the last time he went to a frat party. He notoriously hated them. Thought they were bad for the community, bad for everyone involved. But fuck, did they have alcohol. And weed. And whatever was in that pen he sucked on, coughing as the smoke filled his lungs. He might be plastered. Do the kids still say that? 

The thought made him giggle like a little kid, thinking about texting her the question to confirm or deny whether he's still "hip". Then his mouth stops giggling as he thinks back to the last time they spoke, and suddenly, he's taking a double shot at the sticky kitchen island with total strangers.

This is fun, right?

This is fun, right?

I'm thankful for the cover of darkness, blending into the spots already forming in my vision after drinking so much alcohol, I can feel and hear it moving around my stomach like a living creature. It would honestly scare me if I wasn't laughing at how absurd it is. The frat house was a godsend, which would never be something I said aloud, but tonight, I needed a guarantee I would be as far away as possible from him. And he'd never step foot in a frat house. 

I don't bother to think his name, knowing it'll only bring something resembling sadness, but I can't even think about the consequences when I'm finishing my puff-puff pass with a guy, I think? I'm not even sure how many hits I get in with how dark and filled to the brim this house is. Claustrophobia has no place in my stomach with all the alcohol I poured in earlier. 

Oh shit, there's a guy behind me. 

Oh wait.

There's a guy behind me. 

Oh shit, I bumped into someone.

Hajime is trying to remember the words one says when they are apologizing, when he suddenly notices that the short girl in front of him is moving. A lot. Dancing?

He doesn't have room for nerves in his arsenal tonight and he can't help but grin at the idea that he could pretend to be someone else tonight. A guy that just dances up on girls like Tooru, or Kuroo, or just another random douche at the frat party. Maybe he is one. He can't remember. It felt like he was. And it feels like this girl's ass wants his hands on it, so he shrugs. Who is he to begrudge a perfectly beautiful ass? 

For a brief moment, he feels nothing but relief, like having a body to press against could be something comfortable rather than something that twists his insides with pain and pleasure. He brings his mouth to her shoulder, the thumping bass and the warmth of her skin almost coaxing him into a dream, if in that dream he had a raging boner.

I let out a shaky sigh as I press my hips easily into the stranger's hips, feeling his length grow under my movements, making me suppress a smile. I can imagine he's the guy I really want, can't I? Wait, what was his name again? I let thoughts of him swim away as I reach a hand back to wrap around this guy's neck loosely, as I feel his lips press into my shoulder. The guy I want. Who is it?

Actually, who cares?

When the stranger's mouth comes up to brush against the shell of my ear, I feel my body remembering something like that. It feels good. I shake with the surprise of the guy starting to up the ante, but his shiver in return gives me some sort of comfort. It feels familiar and safe. I let out a soft hum of pleasure, knowing he would be the only one who could feel it. 

God, this guy was so big. And hard. So big it makes me rock against him softly, liking the feeling of him teasing me with his body, feeling all the secrets hidden beneath his clothing. Why is he wearing clothing? 

Oh, fuck me. 

Her ass is so fucking nice. So nice Hajime can't help but want to place his insistent erection in between her cheeks and just press himself against her until he comes in his pants. Wait, isn't that embarrassing? 

He's unable to really debate the point when he groans softly against her neck, finding a sensitive spot along it, his teeth grazing lightly. He likes hickeys. Really likes them.

Maybe Tooru was right.

The rocking of her hips against his, with the thrum of bass pulsing their bodies almost as much as the desire sinking into him, he has the thought he never thought he'd have. Maybe he needs to get laid. He's blown off steam before, back when he was new to the college life, but it's been hard lately. Fuck, he's hard. So hard, and he wants her to feel every inch of him. He can't even seem to recall why he hasn't done this in forever, the feeling too good to be bad. 

As soon as he has the thought, it's like she could read his mind, grabbing his hands to get them to skim along her thighs and hips, the thin fabric of her dress doing nothing but making him want to rip it off her. He channels his inner douche with no problem whatsoever, the room spinning with the heat surrounding the two of them and...everyone else.

"Can I take you somewhere...quieter?" 

"Can I...somewhere...quieter?" 

I can barely hear what he's saying in my ear but all I know is that the vibration tells me all I need to know, his fingers hungry for me and I know I've come to feast. His voice is hoarse and low and not a lot like...him but enough. It's better than his! I don't want to remember. I shove his name to the back of my mind, feeling a twinge of annoyance at his arrival peeking through my intoxication.

He hates frat parties, he'd never come to one, so why should my mind invite him here? I'm just imagining him really well. That's what psychosis will do to you. 

I nod against the stranger's lips, moving to pull him through the dark house, him trailing behind me as I try to get my eyes to adjust to the dark, to find one dirty disgusting spot to be dirty and disgusting in. Then I get the sudden thought that I might lose it to a random guy at a frat party. I know sober me would be worried, but a grin just curves on to my lips as I ascend the stairs.

She's not here, so who the fuck cares?

I stumble up the stairs holding onto my emotional support stranger where people who had the same idea as us litter the hallway, but I finally get to the near back, discovering some poor fuck's bedroom. Probably a pledge or something like that. My brain doesn't care, it only sees a bed (small, probably why it's unoccupied) and I know what to do in a bed. In the dark, I shove my stranger against the door to effectively close it, getting on my tiptoes to kiss him, stick my tongue down his throat without even getting a good look at him. I don't want to.

Huh. He kind of kisses like him. 

I think hazily to myself of the last boy I kissed, the one I want this guy to be so bad. I can tell this guy has a preference for my bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth, and I chuckle at the familiarity. Still, I push down the comparison, unfair to this poor soul who ended up with me at this party, alcohol still heavy in my limbs as I run my fingertips up his arms, exploring his skin. At least this kid's body is so...good. I let my mouth slide against his, a hand on his hip as I grow more and more hungry.

She's so soft. 

Hajime lets out a soft moan in her mouth as he feels her delicate fingers run up his arms, tracing the way his veins accentuate his muscles, the alcohol thundering through them. He can't help but be reminded of me. Man, it probably shouldn't make him happy that it's so easy to project the object of his desire onto this girl, but he can't help himself, grinning against her mouth. In this moment, he can kiss me all he wants. Fuck, he could do more. He shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he is, but his mind is fuzzy and his body is eager.

The taste of her tongue is so intoxicating, ours moans eating up any amount of embarrassment that could come from a cliche frat party make out session. The room is filling with our own obscenely drunken noises of messy kissing and sloppy touching and clothes shifting against one another, desperation personified. She places a greedy hand on his thigh, tracing his dick with her fingers, and his closed eyes seem to print images of his fantasy against his eyelids, groaning with the visual as he pants with a grin. 

He grows impatiently almost as fast as his dick as he guides her to the small bed, hands moving to the hem of her flimsy little dress before she even hits the comforter. He's impatient, eyes glazed over as he looks at the fabric and her body in the dark, intently focused on having her. At least he could have someone.

My heartbeat is fluttering in my chest with his impatience, though the small part of me starts to feel worried that this will escalate faster and sooner than I thought it would. But then the other part of me, the horny desperate girl wants his cock inside of me just as quickly. The drunk part of me, picturing Hajime's hands instead, making me grab at the hem of this guy's shirt frantically, practically begging him to take it off and let me feel how far this fabulous body goes. I can tell the alcohol is wearing off just by the reminder of his name, and I try to shake my sobriety off, not ready to accept his presence in the room. In every room I walk into.

At least this guy seems to be quick, shoving off his shirt so fast I think he might be an expert. I gasp in a drunken exaggeration when I see his toned stomach and muscular chest I've been craving, my fingers itching to touch his heated skin. But before I can, he's moving towards me again, his mouth capturing mine in a drunken kiss, a smile spreading along both our lips as his hands trail my curves, like we're on some inside joke together. Maybe we are. Maybe we're speaking telepathically, because he does exactly what I wanted him to do next, his fingers trailing down my back to find the zipper of the dress.

Haven't seen Hajime shirtless in awhile.

I moan softly into his mouth the minute Hajime pops into my mind, and it's traitorous but it's dirty and I like it. I think I maybe stumbled into him changing at some point last year at competition when he forgot something. The thought swims away or maybe melds with this guy's body as he frantically but carefully runs his hands down my back as he undoes the zipper.

When she moans, Hajime can't help but pause for a moment. It sounds so fucking familiar. Like...

God, she's always here. Even when she's not. 

His irritation at the inability to escape is quickly extinguished when he just lets himself pretend it's me. It's too easy, the fantasy coming naturally, clouding his mind with the alcohol, a force too powerful for the substance to do anything but enhance his thoughts of me. His fingers are less careful now, struggling with the zipper as his fingers shake, the need for skin the only thing on his mind. Once he drags the dress down far enough, he leans down to trace her collarbone with his tongue, his whole body shaking as she moans and pants, her chest rising and falling, his hands kneading her curves, shaking with the sensation. God, it feels just like it did a couple weeks ago. So fucking good. Too good. 

Apparently, she feels the same way because she grabs his hands as her legs part and before he can finish inhaling a shuddering breath at the feeling and shadowed sight, he's feeling her thighs underneath his palms, scorching hot. He continues a trail upwards following her cues, he can feel the desire building at his pulsing cock, the heat of her body matching his, making the ache in his groin grow as he presses even closer. In this state, it's too easy to forget that it isn't me. 

He leans down to press kisses against her neck, even in his drunken state, he subconsciously kisses the marks he left on me, his breathing heavy with want. Suddenly, his head jerks up to find her lips again, his fingers skimming up and down her thighs as he tries to control his body's reaction to this girl's innate sexiness. 

I hum softly as I feel his strong large hands move up my thighs, our lips tangled in a fervent kiss. I feel our greed reach a peak when he lets those same hands settle in between my thighs, slowly tracing my underwear in a soft circle and I jerk with the feeling of his careful precision, his eyes drinking in my body's reaction. His rock hard body seems to shake and silhouette so dreamily above me, making my core pulse against his firm fingers. God, he's so hot. 

Is this guy an athlete or something? 

I let out a little bit of a breathless laugh before my brain catches on that laughing is maybe not the best thing to do in the presence of a stranger you're messing around with. Still, he doesn't seem to mind as his fingers almost seem even more eager with the breathy sound. I'm taken off guard when he shoves my underwear to the side to finally rub his thumb gently against my clit, watching me for how I like it. I don't even know how I like it, but I do. I want more. Still, the jolt of pleasure seems to shock just the smallest amount of sense in me.

"How old are you?" I hum it out quickly through a moan he's eliciting, my breath panting as my hips move to meet his fingers as confirmation that I'm into it. A valid if sudden question to ask a stranger, but no stranger than his hands between my thighs right now. 

Hajime is taken slightly off guard by the question, his hands pausing their ministrations as he takes a moment to gather his less than sober thoughts. He leans back a little to look at the girl, but it's so dark and his vision is too cloudy and the room is spinning, a funhouse of desire. 

"I'm...21." He replies slowly, as if recalling the information, his voice gravelly with the alcohol and the way his horniness seems to be eating away at his vocal chords. He takes a brief pause before remembering that he should probably be more concerned about it too. "...How old are you?"

Huh. As old as Hajime. Must be a junior then. 

I nod with resolution, unintimidated now that he's seeming more familiar by the minute, even with his face shrouded in the secrets of the frat house. I answer, still shifting underneath his hips, unwilling to let go of the feeling of friction between us just for a little small talk. 

"18." I answer hoarsely through my moan. 

Hajime's mind takes a moment to pause, the number making him sober a little. His hands remained on her thighs, absentmindedly drawing circles on them as he thinks drunkenly. 

She's kind of young.

A slight pang of guilt. But still. He knows his dick doesn't care, and then he realizes drunk him doesn't care, so who cares again? He's so close to getting what he wants.

Maybe I should've lied.

I let out a little chuckle with the way he freezes, hoping to bring a light-hearted air to the conversation, letting him know I'm all good with what's happening.

"We can stop if you want but, in case you didn't know, I'm an adult." I nod at him with a grin, arching my back slightly to brush against his hand, hopefully the feeling could inspire some motivation.

The stranger lets out a low chuckle, pulling my thighs closer to him, but I hear the genuine question in his voice as he continues. "You're sure about this?" 

I laugh before placing his strong hand back to my wet pussy, rubbing it against myself slowly as he groans in defeat, my own gasp coming out at the contact, sensitive and desirous for more. Still, I can't help but feel my grin spread as I let out a soft chuckle at the sound of the familiar voice. I feel him look up at my face more than I see it, wondering if he can see me at all. It wouldn't really matter either way so I shrug.

"Sorry, you just sound like my friend." I lean forward to place a reassuring drunk kiss against his surprised lips.

The surprise Hajime feels at the comment is wiped away almost instantaneously with the taste of her lips. God, why does she taste so good? 

I bet her pussy tastes so fucking good.

He kisses her back so intensely, his fingers resuming their motion between her thighs, circling and pressing and rubbing her while she squirms and whimpers underneath him, leading to his cock angrily pressing at his jeans. Only after a couple seconds does he remember her comment, and he pants heavily against her mouth as he curls his fingers inside of her.

"Yeah?" He mumbles between kisses, his voice thick with desire as he lets his fingers soak in her slick pussy, his own cock begging to be freed so that he can give the fingers a break. "Does your friend touch you like this?" 

"...Complicated." 

I moan softly against this guy's mouth, my body shifting and pulsing under his touch, my whole body shaking with how easily he's making me feel close to coming already. 

Well, he is older. And hot. So it makes sense he'd be good at this. 

I pant heavily as I wonder what Hajime's skill level is, and if he'd touch me like this. I like the idea so much, I feel myself whimper against the stranger's mouth, my whole body shaking underneath his attention. Now that we seem to be in a phase of answering questions and feeling comfortable enough to talk through a one-night stand, I chuckle a little, letting it morph into a gasp with his work. 

Hajime chuckles softly against her neck at the response, wondering what exactly the answer meant. Still, he's so caught up in the moment, he doesn't care to investigate this random girl's love life. He just wants to fuck the thoughts out of her, out of him. 

His lips trail down her neck, his fingers still enjoying the heat of her core squeezing and pulsing around him, knowing that she's getting close. He wants her to come so fucking bad. All over his tongue, on his fingers, on his clothes, on his cock. His fingers test out a faster speed and when he's met with more shaking, he lets himself press harder and quicker inside of her until she's quivering. His mouth sucks bruises onto her throat and her moans make him miss her talking. So he does the unthinkable.

"What makes it complicated?" His curiosity is anything but innocent, just wanting to hear her speak through her orgasm, so he can get every syllable stuck in his brain.

I feel myself get higher and higher with his fingers pressing every button inside of me, and I moan as I lift my knees slightly, wanting to get a better angle for his strong hands to get more leverage inside of me. He obliges by coming closer, and I chuckle into his hair, dark like Hajime's. Or maybe it was just the dark ass room. 

"You wanna know?" I breathe out the breathless question, amused at the idea that this stranger wants to hear about the guy who I'm imagining him to be. 

Hajime suddenly regrets asking, his impatient hindbrain wanting her to come, but now he knows he's distracting her. He tries to get back on track as seamlessly as possible, instead moving his kisses down to her chest, rubbing his fabric-clad erection against her sweet sensitive pussy. 

"Mhm." He lies so easily, squeezing her thighs that send blood coursing through his dick. "Tell me."

The low murmur of his voice makes me pant more as he gently changes pace, and I feel myself whining with my orgasm slowing instead of cresting, leaving my body wanting more from him. He's stringing me on a wire, making me feel so damn good while he humors me. I grin against the top of his head, his lips sucking on my tits gently, seemingly engrossed in the task. I blow out a breath and watch as it brushes through his hair. 

"He's just an...overthinker." I give him before I gasp as his teeth gently wrap around my hard nipple, making me squirm through my stupid confession. 

Hajime hums in response, his head still nestled between the valley of her amazing tits, his breath hot on her skin, bouncing back to him like rays of sun. He adjusts the angle of his hips to press against her clit, making her roughly moan with his direction. 

"An overthinker, huh?" His mouth starts to curve into an involuntary smirk. He knows exactly what that's like, how it feels, but he can't seem to recall when all he can think about is her fucking tits.

I hum softly before squirming underneath him, begging him to keep going as I sigh, thinking of Hajime as I let out a soft sound, my hips rubbing against his erection, feeling his hard cock underneath and wanting him to set it free before I lose control with this snail's pace of a fuck. 

"I know what he wants, and he knows what he wants but...he can't get himself to do it."

Hajime hums in understanding, his hips slowing down slightly as he listens to the words, his mind racing with the implications of what she's saying, and how eerily similar it is to his situation.

"And...what do you want him to do?" He asks, his mouth still against her skin, his breathing heavy as his body aches with the effort to control himself, slowly trying to get rid of the obviously insane thoughts in his head by moving down the bed to kiss the crease of her knees, making her laugh with the tickling sensation.

I chuckle softly as I bring a hand up to run through the stranger's hair, messy and unkempt.

"What you're doing." I grin softly, my body shaking as I lift a leg to rest on his shoulder, and I feel the way his body stiffens, knowing he's feeling exactly what I'm suggesting. 

Hajime's heart stutters at her words, his mind instantly filling with an image of me wanting like this. He can't help the wave of arousal that washes over him at the thought, and he can't help but let his mouth crawl up her thighs, fast as he pants out the words, the hot breath making her twitch.

"You want me to-" He begins, but he doesn't finish, instead kissing her clit, aggressively pulling her underwear down her legs and up over his shoulder as he gets a taste, his whole body shaking with the pleasure of getting to lick up the evidence of her desire.

"Oh fuck, you're so good at that." I moan softly against him as I start to shake, my body being pulled from the thoughts of Hajime in my head to Hajime in my bed, this stranger playing the part.

Hajime's breath hitches at her moan, his brain short-circuiting for a split second as her body responds to him. He can't deny the effect her words have on him, and it takes every ounce of willpower he has not to lose control right then and there.

"You like it?" He asks, his voice low and gravelly, his mouth still against her soft skin, his lips leaving a wet trail down the seam of her cunt, melding their fluids together until he has a deliciously dirty cocktail on his tongue, making him high off their taste intertwined.

My moans raise in pitch and volume, whines escaping me as he doesn't let up, the pleasure building in me just inch by inch, but quickly, considering how long he's been doing this. In my drunken horny haze, I murmur out a name, something that would not please a stranger, but I only realize in horror after the fact.

"Hajime..."

"Hajime..."

His mouth that had been faithfully devoted to her clit, sensing her orgasm coming soon, suddenly stops. Both of them freeze, their breathing held even though it was laborious only two seconds ago. The only thing moving was the pulsing in her cunt and in his cock. 

Both their minds went blank, hers from horror, his in confusion.

What the fuck?

Chapter Text

Hajime freezes at the sound of his name leaving this (hot) stranger's lips and for a split second, the world seems to slow down with his heartbeat as it pounds in his ears along with the name she just moaned. Surprised, confused, and an unexpected sense of familiarity, but maybe that's just because this person literally just said his first name.

He pulls back to look at her, still kneeling between her thighs as he sits up straight and squints his eyes in the darkness. His mind is trying to race but it seems to be on a hamster wheel with the alcoholic mess swirling inside his stomach. 

"What...?" Hajime rasps out of a dry throat and mouth still sticky with the evidence of her enjoyment of his previous occupation, sounding almost dumbfounded, unable to connect the dots that are swirling and popping in his vision in the dark, mini fireworks celebrating his stupidity.

My eyes widen in horror as I try to stop my legs from shaking, induced by his tongue and experience. I follow his lead by clawing my palms back into the sheets, trying to get my weak arms to prop myself up and look at him earnestly, feeling so incredibly ashamed. This poor stranger.

"Oh, fuck, I'm-" 

"You know me?"

We both slur out the next sentences at the same time, me in the middle of a rushed apology, him...she's not even sure. The momentum of which speaking his name ripped them from their debauching should be enough to jolt them with rationality, but neither of them had been this drunk before in...probably forever.

"...You said my name." Hajime tries to swim through the confusion in his mind, looking for anyone who matched her height, embarrassment unable to reach him in the depths. 

"...Oh." I berate myself for having this stranger grasp onto things quicker than me at the moment, my disorientation severe. I bob my head up and down like I can pretend to be sober when I answer him with a short chuckle. "That's so weird...you have the same name as my friend-" 

Finally, his mind latches and he speaks without thinking, saying her name. Her first name. And immediately dread starts to meet the lining of his gut.

I freeze at the sound of my name coming from his mouth, and I realize how jarring that must've been for him until I start to follow the breadcrumbs he's been accidentally stepping on, only now just inspecting the bottom of his shoe from the way his body stills again.

"I...I don't remember telling you..." My eyes can't help but look down at his abs, making my way up to his eyes, not leisurely, more like it takes all my energy to try to find his face. But when I finally reach it, taking in the picture, his silhouette seems changed.

And then, it hits me.

Well, probably both of us. But in the horrible realization, we both freeze, daring the other to make the first move, unsure how much the other knows. Neither brave enough to confront the elephant of the other in the room. But as Hajime remains, his eyes start to adjust in an attempt to shed some light on the truly blacked out room. And as the details start to feel like little sparks in his chest, his breath catches, processing the situation with the worst feeling mixing with the best as his heart starts to soar at my presence.

"You." 

Hajime speaks it in a whisper, so quiet I'm unsure if he sounds like a villain approaching his arch-nemesis, or I'm a "surprise but always welcome" visitor. The room starts to spin and I almost try to avoid looking at his face, but now that he's broken the stalemate, I can't help but feel my face twist, knowing I've been projecting Hajime onto this stranger the entire time, so maybe...? But no, my lack of examination of the stranger has only made the confirmation of Hajime's brows and lips and jaw more shocking, a gasp leaving me as I realize my imagination is not as stellar as I thought it was.

"No..."

"...No. This can't be happening." Hajime mumbles out the words in a desperate prayer, his eyes unable to part from my shrouded face as if he's only seeing a vision and when he blinks, it'll return to a faceless, nameless, girl that just coincidentally ended up in bed with him. His hands have curled into fists in the sheets either side of my ankles. 

I breathe heavily as I stare at the new face. Well, I guess not new. Very not new. His hair is mussed, his face red from the alcohol or from being stuck in the trenches of my cunt, I'm not sure. Oh, fuck, how do I replace fantasy Hajime with the real one? The seconds stretch as we stare at each other, eyes adjusting as we beg sobriety from our bodies, lending only enough in pity, noticing the things we didn't dare notice before. My mouth opens to say something, closes, and once I replace shock with irritation, something I have control over, I'm able to spit something out. 

"Did you know?" I accuse with a high pitch, my head jutting forward.

Hajime flinches with the sound, tone of my voice the exact same as when I'm about to rip him a new one, his body instinctually trying to get away. 

"What? No!" He exclaims, voice filled with defensiveness and surprise. "How would I have known?"

"I don't know, the fact that you started dancing up on me?!" My voice is shrill in my confusion, the alcohol still slurring and stuttering my mouth's attempts to speak, and I curse myself for appearing so sloppy when he seems put-together. Or does he? Worst of all, his tone, his face, the revelation, does nothing but turn me on more.

"I didn't know it was you!" Hajime tries to argue, his own pitch raising as he runs a frazzled hand through his hair, then when he realizes something, returns the allegation. "You were the one who started dancing on me first!" 

"Me?!" I laugh at the absurdity, knowing this guy was just waiting for me to bump into him in the crowded room. 

His jaw clenches with my laughter and his defense continues. "I wasn't trying to dance on you! I was trying to get through the crowd and I-" 

"Oh what, am I not hot enough to dance with?" I can't even tell how irrational I'm being, my mind and body flooded with excitement, sitting up more to fully debate him as my blood hums in my veins. The fight is more a descent into chaos because we're both confused, horny, irritated, and blindsided as shit by the reveal.

"What? No!" Hajime repeats, his drunk body recognizing the deja vu and suppressing a panicked laugh. "That's not what I mean at all! You're hot!" His voice is skittering around on his higher register, as he tries his best to appease the angry red face pouting in his direction, one he's had to calm down a million times before this. His heart is pounding as he feels the heat of our skin oppressing us into a tighter, more tense atmosphere.

"Thank you!" I shout back angrily.

We're both sitting there, panting heavily for reasons neither of us seem to be able to focus on, our heavy eyes only resting on each other, and then both our lips curl in unlikely amusement. We both chuckle breathlessly at the situation, grinning like we stumbled on each other's spots in hide-in-seek. But as soon as the sighs leave our lungs, we both concede the point by meeting in the middle, his hand on my knee as he crawls over me, my lips leaning forward and my hands cupping his face just to make sure he doesn't pull away, sucking face like water after the home run. Like it was the only outcome. 

The lingering desire never left our bodies, no matter how much sleuthing we did with my untimely moan, our lips now colliding in a messy, passionate kiss, our teeth clicking while our tongues taste whatever vices we touched just so we wouldn't touch each other, think about each other, need each other.

Hajime's more vocal than before, no longer nonchalant, no longer anonymous, and he can't help himself, the alcohol a lubricant to the voices of reason slipping down and out of his ears. Our moans are embarrassingly unfiltered as I still find a way to argue, sending pulses through my body as I get hotter.

"You were...behind me..." I reason that he should've known in between the kisses and breaths we're trying to grasp, along with each other's bodies.

Hajime mumbles something incoherent after, groaning like it's taking everything in him to not be focused on my lips, on my hips, consumed with the feeling. It's difficult to think of a response or even what I'm saying when so much of my skin is pressed against his begging for more of his hands on me. 

"I couldn't-" He gasps out his answer, the breathing ragged. "-couldn't see your face..." 

I let out a hum of acknowledgment that vibrates against his lips making his dick jump with excitement, his fingers digging into my hips as my teeth tug at his bottom lip, teasing him as I swipe my tongue along it to soothe the rough treatment as he groans, his hips pressing into mine hard.

"What...you just..." I whine as I pull at his hair, our bodies rocking into each other like high tide. "...grind on random girls...at frat parties?" I pant slightly as his hands start to drag along my sides, trying to undress me and my heart stutters with the disbelief and anticipation that this could be it.

"No." He shakes his head, matching his fingers as they start to gently scrape down my sides and caress my thighs, his breath shuddering against my lips. "Not usually...just...just you." 

I moan against his mouth, unsure if I believe him but not having enough capacity to figure it out as my shaking thighs spread for him, and his hands glide to the inner dampness, rough sounds of passion exiting our throats as we remain wrapped up in the sensations.

"You...hate frat parties..." I complain against his lips in a whine.

Hajime almost growls in frustration, deciding to let my lips go since they want to talk so damn much to skim down my throat and suck more incriminating evidence into my neck, unbothered by the consequences of tomorrow. He feels the heat between my thighs beckoning him, and it takes no prompting for his kneading hands to find my hips and hold me down, his thumb lightly pressing against my clit as he talks through his obvious want. 

"I do." Hajime feels the shiver and moan I create as his fingers rub against me so delicately, but firmly, and he lets his hot tongue spread against the column of my neck, the salt of my sweat making his blood pump faster. "But I'm glad I came tonight."

A soft sigh exits almost dreamily as I close my eyes, letting his words enthrall and wrap and press into me, twining my fingers in his hair as his mouth teases my skin, desperate and turned on, when his words finally register. I tug his hair and bring his face close to mine as I glare at him, a surprised expression looking back. "Wait...you were just going to sleep with a random girl tonight?"

His intoxicated eyes scan my face with confusion, then starts to glare.

"You're one to talk." He retorts, his voice sharp with my hypocrisy. 

I open my mouth to argue or protest, but then my brain sinks in with the fact that he's right. My legs shift against him in my discomfort. When I open my mouth to try to think of something new to say, he just takes advantage of the opening.

His angry glare only fuels his want as he slides his tongue against mine before I have more to say to bring him back to reality, something he's still trying to forget. His frustration and desire coalesce into a deep, hungry kiss, his hard cock pressing on my bare pussy as I gasp against his lips, his body trembling with need as he accuses. 

"Don't deny it." He mumbles against my mouth, low and rough. "You were just as desperate as I was." 

I moan against him, and groan with the fact that he's right, but even more because of his touch. I want it still, hell, I want it even more that I know that it's him. Shrouded in the darkness, it feels like not much can reach us unless I invite it in...which I do.

"So being 18 is only a problem when it's me?" I rush out the accusation against his lips.

Hajime doesn't meet the challenge like I expected him to, only laughing huskily against my mouth, like he's not surprised with my memory despite my drunken state. 

"I never said that..." His tongue swipes over my bottom lip before sucking on it playfully, his hand sliding up my thigh once more to tease me, running two fingers along the seam of my pussy, making me twitch and shudder. "I just...worry about you." Hajime says it so, delicately and gently, like he would say it any other time, tender and protective and it makes me moan with how delicious it comes out of his mouth. Always fucking worrying about me, thinking about me, wondering about me...

My body twitches with heat at his laugh against my mouth and I feel myself moan as his hand keeps moving up to meet my impatient cunt asking for his attention, and I'm struck with the realization that we did far more together while anonymous than we did knowingly. He groans, his breath coming fast as his mouth lowers to my collarbone, fingers working my clit with a steady focus I never thought I would get from him, his touch insistent.

"I...I need to hear you say it again..." Hajime pants out, spreading heat through my chest and body at his demand, low and rough as my absent mind tries to understand what he's asking.

"What?" I breathe out as I shake but then realization dawns on me and I groan as I tilt my head back, my back arching up to meet his touch. "Fuck, you're going to hold that against me, aren't you?"

Hajime chuckles darkly against my neck as he presses warmth into my neck with those annoyingly delicious lips, his fingers confident as my back arches with need. 

"How could I forget?" His mouth is heavy and imposing, his hot breath diffusing into every pore of my damp skin. "You said my name. Moaning..." His fingers punctuate the point by finally giving into what my pussy's been begging for, shoving roughly, deeply inside me as I let out a cry as he continues, unsurprised. "Panting..." I let out a whimper as he withdraws them just to reintroduce my insides to the reality of him instead of the fantasy I think about every night in bed. "Trembling..." He whispers it into my ear as his fingers curl, making sure to spend all his time exploring my wet cunt, pressing and rubbing against my walls as they tighten and pulse and close around his thick fingers, wanting even more from him as I shake, feeling his smile against my hair. The sharp, deliberate push of his fingers, sending jolts of pleasure through both of our bodies, unsure of where to end our transgression, not thinking about it, not wanting to.

I twitch and jerk with every working of his knuckles and I moan softly into his shoulders as I sit up, running my fingers up his back as I grasp on to him desperately, trying to communicate how much I want him without being able to speak, and his deep rough groan seems to be a knowing response, his own rubbing my clit with my arousal before delving deeper into me, his pace quickening as my quivering body betrays the secret of my innocence.

"You're so sensitive..." He whispers sensually, thick in his mouth as he tries to wrap his head around how much he likes it, a smirk widening on his face, making his eyes go flinty while he drinks in my reactions. "Embarrassing." 

"Hajime..." I pant out his name like I'm begging, my voice being robbed and replaced with pleasure as my chest flushes and rises and falls, the quiet room filled with the obscene noises of our desire. I moan in panting waves as he keeps the onslaught coming, pressing deeper, faster, harder into me and I whine out desperately as my control slips.

"I...I can't...I'm going to..." I groan and shake, clutching at his biceps, his own body vibrating with pleasure as he leans down to whisper like a secret, taking immense satisfaction in it.

"I know." 

My whole body feels shocked as my limbs tighten and relax, my whole body hot with sparks traveling through me with every press of his thumb on my clit as I ride his fingers through it. I pant as I moan out his name in his ear as my breathing gets higher pitched, my whole body wracked with movement as my body fights against mounting pleasure and I don't stop shaking even as I cling to him, my fingers flexing and unflexing against his shoulder blades.

Hajime's mind feels soaked in a warm bath as he hears his name leave my lips in a cry, voice strained and desperate as I come on his sopping fingers. He can feel the way my pussy is pulsing and throbbing around them, leading his cock to strain and beg against his jeans, his hips rocking against the air unconsciously seeking the stimulation I could give him. He can't help himself from leaning forward and enveloping my body, his strong arm wrapping around my shoulder to grip the back of my head and neck with his large hand, groaning into my neck as I continue to jolt and jerk because of him. He whispers soft unintelligible words meant to reassure, even if he's not exactly sure if he's capable of talking right now with the tremors moving through me, making him feel every pulse of come waiting to exit his own body, doing everything in his power to restrain it. 

My body clings and pulses around his hands as a reward and it only makes me shake and jolt from extra waves of celebration, making me moan softly into his shoulder, whispering his name once more as if it's the only way to bring me back to him, delirious with desire.

"You're so beautiful." It's murmured against my skin as I feel my breathing start to slow, but my mind is so ecstatic from the sensations, it feels like being wrapped in a blanket, and I hum against his throat, planting a sloppy kiss against it weakly. His voice is huskier than usual, but that thought is driven from my mind once he slowly leans back to look at me once again, and I feel my whole body groan as I remember our connection, his fingers slipping out of my pussy and Hajime brings them to his mouth, sucking on them as if to clean them while his eyes remain on me and I feel my whole body flush. 

I'm literally trembling as I watch him, my eyes wide and lips parted, feeling hot as my chest remains flushed, my breathing heavy, taking me forever to come down from one of the most prolonged climaxes I've ever had. I swallow as I watch his wet fingers leave his mouth. "Is that...good?" I make a skeptical expression as my thigh twitches.

"You have no idea." He grins selfishly as he licks his lips after letting those same fingers drop back down to trace a circle on my thigh gently, feeling the way I'm still shaking because of him, for him. His eyes darken with hunger as he leans forward to plant a kiss on my inner thigh. "Better than I imagined."

I shiver with the words, swallowing as I look at him, my thighs shifting but the contact rubs against me sensitively and I gasp and shake. "Gross, you've been imagining me?" I tease slightly, but my voice  is a rasp and the smile is purely euphoric rather than mocking.

"Of course I have." He hums against the skin, still stamping kisses along my legs. "Don't lie and say you haven't been imagining me."

I roll my eyes with a staggered huff and laugh. "Well, that hardly counts considering I've been doing it since I was 13." I snort, laughing about the minute I hit puberty, the fantasies were too easy with him. I suddenly feel a bout of sobriety, worrying if I just ruined this by bringing up our age difference, but maybe something's changed, or maybe he's just intoxicated.

Hajime smirks against my skin before raising his head, crawling over me, his face close as he scans my own, drinking in the flush of my skin. "And have I lived up to your expectations?"

I make a so-so motion to tease him. "Well, since you haven't pronounced you're secretly a prince of a faraway nation with millions of dollars and a unicorn, I have yet to be impressed."

"Dumbass." Hajime says it so affectionately, that I feel my heart soar. I don't know what comes over me since in my mind, I'm sighing dreamily, but my hand goes to find the outline of his cock in his jeans, squeezing him as my eyes widen with his size and a choked groan leaves his throat, obviously not expecting that.

"Fuck me." 

His dark eyes grow wide, so wide I'm surprised that he's surprised. "W...What?"

"You heard me." I shrug but my body has bigger and better ideas as I start to fumble with his waistline, trying to find his zipper, undoing his belt and buttons. 

"Mm...no." He lets out a moan that speaks volumes about how there's nothing he'd like to do more, but still opts for a slurred no in the end, trying to grab my hands to pull them away, but I tuck them under my ass so he can't trap them like he is wont to do.

"Why the fuck not?"

Hajime's mind sobered enough to make sure he got a full unbridled view of my orgasm, and since then, he's felt infinitely frustrated by his inability to get fully back to his rationale. Still, he tries as he raises an eyebrow and lets out a scoff as my tone. 

"You know why." 

"I have a condom." 

He blinks rapidly then his eyes narrow. 

"Why do you have a condom?" 

"Why do you think, Hajime?" I glare up at him, propping myself up on my elbows as he starts an exasperated sigh, moving to undo the work I had done to his pants, zipping and buttoning and now I'm angry. 

"I'm thinking Tooru doesn't know that you have one, doesn't know that you're here with me, and even if he did, he definitely doesn't know I just made you come all over my fingers."

"Why are we talking about him right now?" I spit out, annoyed and grossed out that my brother has to be a part of every sexual conversation I have with him.

"Oh, you don't want to talk about him? Okay." Hajime nods his head but the way his voice travels like it's going up and down hills, I find myself shrinking back slightly, sensing a hinge being broken within his brain as he nods enthusiastically. 

"Let's talk about me fucking you." Hajime leans forward, his cold eyes widening as he looks at me. "Do you know what that means?"

I flush under his scrutinizing yet demeaning gaze, and my brows furrow and twist at the way he treats me like a child. "Obviously, I'm not an idiot." 

"No, but you are young so I'll let you in on some insider information." Hajime buries himself in between my thighs, pressing his burning hot cock, trapped in denim against my sensitive cunt, making me whimper with the roughness but he just plants either hand by my head, trapping me in as I lie back instinctively, cornered. 

"First of all, don't fuck someone while you're wasted." I pout but he continues.

"Second, you're in a frat house. That make you wanna lose your virginity on some loser's twin bed?" 

"What makes you think I'm a-"

"Oh, come on, Tooru kept eyes on you like a hawk in high school." He shakes his head like he's disappointed, but he's also being patronizing, all while shifting his hips against mine just to torture me, acting lost in thought, a hand coming up to curl some sweaty hair out of my face. "College, you've been here, what? 3 months?" He lifts the same piece of hair around his finger and brings it to his mouth, eyes inky after studying it and looking back into mine. "And you've spent all that time wanting me, so yeah, I know you're a virgin." I'm about to open my mouth to protest when he brings his mouth delicately to mine, kissing me softly, affectionately, and I almost swoon with the new romantic gesture, my eyes closing and sighing into his lips when he finally whispers the final "sweet nothing".

"And third, what makes you think I'd want to fuck you knowing you were ready to give it up for some random asshole at this party?" 

I almost choke on the sentiment, angry but his lips grow more insistent than soft, his body climbing over me as he presses his hips into me harder, leading me to squirming underneath him, pinning me once again and so I just groan my frustration against his lips. "Because you're hard, on top of me, and you can't help but make me come like your life depends on it." 

"Okay, but that's not really fair considering getting a boner around you is not novel." He chuckles as his lips curve against mine, kissing them to a corner just to run his nose along my jawline, like any sensation is worthwhile if it's coming from my skin. 

"I wasn't expecting you to be a slut and slut-shame, Hajime." 

"And I didn't expect you to come to this party, but look where we are." It's getting more heated underneath him when he rubs his hips into mine, stoking fires he has no prerogative to put out, so I start pulling at his jeans again, trying to convince him as he takes a sharp inhale, my own mouth leaning up to suck on his neck.

"You do want to fuck me though." I whisper against his bobbing Adam's apple, his throat swallowing as he tries to swallow down the desire when I pull his haphazardly strung belt out from the loops. He's frozen now that I've asserted myself as part of this conversation, and I use his shock to press a hand to his shoulder, turning so that he lies on his back and I climb on top of him, swapping our roles. My hands remain at his hips as they continue to fervently undress him while I adopt a seductive air meant to convince. I can hear a bit of stutter replaced by a groan as I grip him through the fabric of his boxers, running my mouth down his chest quickly, fondling his cock with my hot wet mouth on top of the barrier.

I was almost certain I had him where I wanted him when I felt his body jolt and his dick beg to be put in my mouth by involuntarily thrusting upwards to meet my lips, but as I reach forward to quit teasing him, I feel his hand reach down to lift my chin.

"Shit..." Hajime's not even looking at me as he starts to dress again, even with my hair getting caught in his frantically closed zipper. I don't bother with freeing as I look up at him in disbelief, his face looking so pale that I'm offended. Was he serious about not wanting to fuck me?

He's still holding my chin but when he feels the way I'm sitting up, shocked and truly vexed by the development, he lets me go instead to focus on the task of getting dressed and out of here. I hold out my arms like I could impersonate one of the frat brothers here, cheated out of a quick fuck. 

"Oh, so it's like that then?" 

Hajime heaves out my name on a whisper, as if it's a curse as he finds his tee shirt and starts dragging it over his awfully toned body and abs which I suppress a whimper for. "It's not as simple as just...just doing it, and that's it." He's sighing in frustration and exasperation as he runs his hands through his hair, still unable to meet my eyes.

"What, you think I'm gonna fall in love with you or something?" I spit out in agitation.

Hajime stops what he's doing, letting the tee shirt slide the rest of the way down his body, eyes flashing with anger and pain as he turns back to me kneeling on the bed, grabbing my wrist tightly, as if that's the only way he can touch me without having to justify it to himself. 

"Is it so hard to believe that you'd fall in love with me?!" He snaps, his voice rising and his eyes wild. "I've known you for years. I've seen you grow up. Fuck, you've seen me grow up. I know you better than anyone." 

I open my mouth to protest, but my lips end up pursed as I try to search for a counterpoint and can't find one. In all honesty, in the deep recesses of my mind, I wonder if I'm too far gone already. I feel a lump in my throat as I sit there defeated, and his eyes start to soften, his lips pressing together tightly as he tries to will himself to stop, and the grip on my wrist turns into a light caress as he starts to loosen his hold.

"You're not some random girl I met at a party. You're a part of my life. You're my friend. My best friend's little sister." I flinch and feel my eye twitch even while holding back tears, and he sighs like he hates himself for saying it too. "It's not something I can do. Not to you." Hajime shakes his head solemnly before he looks at my limp wrist in his hand, slowly placing it on my thigh that I can't draw my eyes from lest he see how hurt I am. There's one second where he regrets it, but he steels his resolve as he walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him as I feel the first drop roll down my cheek. 

"Not for me." 

Chapter Text

"Focus, Iwaizumi." 

Hajime groans as he pulls his head up from the library table, having to deal with their insufferable project lead was so awful, he contemplated shooting his brains out this morning. He looks up at the red-faced guy standing in front of the white board in their study room. Hajime spouts off details and timeline for when he's planning on getting his slides finished, the outlines already better quality than a lot of the other people's work. But he doesn't mention that last part. Once the meeting is adjourned, Saki attempts to encourage him by agreeing that as long as he pulls his weight he should be fine. But that's the issue, he didn't feel like pulling anyone's weight, including his own.

Hajime's slacking off at the apartment, deciding on binging some shit reality dating show on their shared TV while Tooru was supposed to be out.

"I'm like super into you." 

"He's lying." Hajime says deadpan to no one in particular, throwing a potato chip at the screen before shoving another in his mouth. That's when he hears the voice of his roommate.

"This is behavior I expect from me, but it looks creepy on you." Tooru plops down on Hajime's toes under the blanket on the couch regardless of the insult, Hajime whining in annoyance as he shifts for Tooru's fat ass. "So, who did Beverly decide to couple up with?" 

Hours pass and before they know it, Tooru's lying next to him cuddling him while Hajime runs potato chip crumbs through his bestie's hair, neither giving a shit. When the episode ends, Hajime immediately opens his phone to make sure he can't think about anything regarding his reality, which surprisingly, irritates Tooru more than the crumbs, leading to whining coming from his snuggle companion on their too small couch.

"Iwa-chan, why are you acting like me?" 

"Because I've decided you're always right and should be my role model." 

"Okay, now you're scaring me." Tooru wraps himself up in the blanket that Hajime was using, as he sits up at the other side of the couch, earning him a signature glare. He grins at seeing his friend at last finally acting like his crochety old self. "What's going on? Girl problems?" 

"More like class problems." Hajime ignores the way that Tooru might be able to tell that he's lying and instead returns his focus back to his phone, but Tooru seems to be taking Hajime's illness seriously when he grabs the phone out of his hands. 

"Whaaat, you love class?!" Tooru grins down at the phone looking at the feed being primarily sports, and that's when he starts to get distracted by the new volleyball techniques. After a couple minutes of Hajime staring at the ceiling while Tooru 'ooh's and 'ah's at his phone, Hajime kicks his foot out in protest.

"Dude!" 

"Okay, fine, you're right." Tooru nods and puts a hand to his chin before speaking. "I am always right, but what was I right about in this scenario?" 

"Nothing-"

"Lies are assaulting my ears." Tooru lets out a heavy sigh before poking at his best friend's thighs. "I know you went out to a frat party last weekend." 

"No, I didn't." 

"You're lying again." 

Hajime lets out a large groan as he squeezes his eyes shut. "It was a mistake."

"Well, I'm not as big of a hater as you are, but yes, frats tend to be full of mistakes." Tooru gives a little shudder but then continues to prod at his friend's love life, rocking back and forth like it's taking a lot in him to not make this a big deal. "I also heard you went on a date." 

Hajime takes a moment of tilting his head back and forth, feigning some kind of internal debate before coming to a conclusion. "Yeah, no, I'm not doing this with you."

"Ah, why not?! I always tell you my escapades." 

"Yeah and I hate it." 

"You're a dirty dirty liar." Tooru tsks but then his phone starts ringing and Hajime feels like thanking this random girl for distracting Tooru. "What do you want now?" 

Oh. Never mind. No thanking and no thinking. Hajime even makes a movement to get up but Tooru starts to drape his muscular body over Hajime, making him groan in annoyance. 

"...No, I'm not. Iwa-chan is here." Tooru puts his phone on speaker and he holds it out over his head to shove my name on the caller's ID in Hajime's face making him flinch. "Say hi, Iwa-chan!" 

"...Hey." 

"Jesus Christ." I groan to match Hajime's enthusiasm and start speaking to Tooru while ignoring him. "I wanted to know when you're done with finals 'cause Mom and Dad are wondering the dates for our trip." 

"Oh yeah." Tooru leans over to stare at Hajime upside down. "When are you done with finals, Iwa-chan?" 

"Why?"

"Because you're coming, obviously."

"No." Hajime and I agree for once but Hajime starts to glare at the phone even though my face isn't there.

"...Actually, I'm feeling kind of up to the cabin trip this year." 

"No, you're not." 

"Yes, I am." 

"No, you're fucking not-" 

"Jesus, why are you guys going at it today?" Tooru doesn't really understand the insinuation when it comes to the two people who he really should have a better read on. "Look, I love this bit as much as anyone in the Oikawa family, but why can't he come?" 

"Because this is a family trip, Tooru. What don't you get?" 

"Okay, but that's very loosely applied." 

"When has anyone else ever come on the trip?" 

"Cousins." 

"Again, I point out...FAMILY." 

"Iwa-chan is practically our brother."

Both of us cringe internally. Oh, how he couldn't be more wrong. "I'm hanging up." 

"Bro!" Tooru scoffs and his jaw drops at the way I have the audacity to hang up on my favorite (only) brother. "Can you believe her?" 

"Yes." Hajime runs a hand down his mouth and face as he starts to feel his blood cool and realize that he was probably pulling on my leg a little bit too much.  "...I actually don't really want to go." 

"What?! We practically fought her on it, if you don't come now, she's going to get exactly what she wants! Like always!" Tooru moans in frustration as he gets up from off Hajime's lap to roll onto the floor, blowing his bangs out of his face.

"Well, it's Christmas, so that was bound to happen regardless." 

"You understand!" Tooru sits up so fast to smack his hands on the couch cushion, making the entire thing shake, Hajime's eyebrows hanging low with annoyance at the dramatics. "Iwa-chan, I'm going to be bored to death if you aren't there." Tooru's speaking with his hands as if the entire world is at stake. 

"Yeah, okay." 

"I'm serious!" 

"You're always bored, especially if there's no hoes around." 

"Okay, true, but there's going to be no hoes, no balls, no you..." Tooru groans as he flops and rolls down onto the floor, surely annoying their downstairs neighbors like always. "I might as well just hang myself with the damn Christmas lights." Tooru sniffles as if that would influence his grumpy best friend. "Make you deal with my body." 

"Hey, how'd you know that was on my list?" Tooru throws a pillow at Hajime's head, finally getting him to laugh until Hajime retaliates until both of them are wrestling on the rug, despite the thumping from their downstairs neighbors warning them to knock it off. 

"No, we absolutely shouldn't." My mouth tenses and purses with the way I should've guessed Tooru would go to the higher ups.

"Oh, come on, baby, Hajime has always been-" 

"Not our flesh and blood?" 

"She's just being a brat." Tooru groans in the phone even though I can hear the way he's eating and I feel my lips curl in disgust as I flop onto my dorm bed. 

"Don't call me tha-"

"Yes, Tooru, be nice to your sister." I start to smile like the damn grinch but then I remember what Hajime said about me the other week. During the hottest public make out session I've ever had. So of course, I have to whine about it some more. I take after my stupid brother anyway. 

"Don't talk about me like I'm a baby!" 

"Well, you sure are acting like one." I don't say anything in response, but I hope he can just hear the way I stick my tongue out at him over the group call. 

"Yeah, as if you don't whine about everything, loser. You're just inviting him because some girl rejected you or something-" 

"Not on a family call, dude!" Tooru starts to cough out whatever he was loudly crunching on, much to my satisfaction. 

"Oh, is this a family call? I don't see HAJIME anywhere on the screen." 

"Oh my GOD, can we just replace her with Iwa-chan?" 

"Yeah, actually that sounds like a perfect solution-" 

"ALRIGHT. That's enough." 

The sound of our mother actually being upset is enough to make both of us shut our traps and she makes the final decision that makes my whole body run cold. 

"We will extend the invitation to Hajime. No one is to be doing any influencing. I'm talking to you, Tooru." I can almost hear the whine before it leaves his mouth when she strictly doubles down on the decision. "I'm serious. If I catch a whiff of it, I'm going to withdraw the invitation, Tooru. Be respectful to Hajime and your sister's wishes." 

"...Fine." Tooru bites out the word before hanging up like the sore loser he is. I let out a sigh and my heart pounds, unsure of how to feel when the decision is left up to Hajime. I was pretty sure he was bluffing about actually wanting to come, considering the last time we were together, it was...intimate and angry and we both left bothered as hell. 

I guess a girl can only hope and pray. 

"So don't tell her, and I'm definitely not influencing you..." Tooru is holding his hands out like he's about to present the most groundbreaking discovery in a century but Hajime just stares at him bored. "...But you're invited onto the trip." Tooru's face is so lit up we could probably actually place him as a Christmas angel on the tree this year. He holds up two thumbs up like if he only does charades that won't count as influencing his best friend. 

"...Cool." 

"So you're coming?!" 

"I didn't say that, Shittykawa." 

"Yeah, but you know you want to." 

"I don't have any feelings about it." 

"I've never heard a bigger lie leave your mouth." 

He has no idea. 

Hajime reminisces on the very reason he doesn't actually want to go on the trip. He honestly loves going with the Oikawas' anywhere and everywhere, their parents always being chill and fun and what could be better than going anywhere with his two childhood friends? Still...the minute he thinks about her, he can't stop thinking about her taste and...now he has a boner. Fuck.

Hajime curls in on himself before covering himself with the blanket and groaning. "She doesn't want me to come." He ignores the way his dick jumps at the statement instead clenching his jaw as he talks to his best friend. While he's thinking about the very friend's little sister. Fuck, why is this happening to him? 

"Yeah, and when have we ever given a shit what she wants?" Tooru scoffs with a twisted smile on his face as if he can't believe Hajime is actually considering my feelings.

"You. All the time." 

"NO." Tooru's jaw drops in absolute offense but Hajime just rolls his eyes. 

"Yes, you're the first one to cave when she cries." 

"Okay, but that's just because it's the most godforsaken, annoying sound I've ever heard in my 21 years of life-" 

"You love her." Tooru gags and makes a couple of other sounds of protest but Hajime just stares him down long enough to have Tooru concede and throw his hands up like this conversation has just gotten to be a hassle. 

"Okay, yeah, she's my sister." Tooru juts finger out towards Hajime's nonchalant face that's pissing him off. "You're acting like you're not the same way." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Bro, the hickeys?" 

Hajime's heart jumps in his throat for a second when he thinks he's been caught out and he's about to have the biggest whooping of his life, until Tooru continues unbothered.

"You were like, defending her like the Secret Service." 

"Well, to be honest, you were being insane." Hajime raises his hands up innocently with a shrug like this is something Tooru should know by now. 

"How is it insane to not want random people treating her body like an all-you-can-eat buffet?" 

"That's not what hickeys are, Tooru, and you know that." 

"Okay, but it's pretty damn close." 

"Nope." 

"Fucking whatever!" Tooru throws his hands up and points an accusatory finger at him. "Exactly! You're doing it even now! You fall for it too!" 

"Fall for what?" 

"The puppy dog look she's mastered!" 

"The...huh?" Hajime shakes his head like he's never ever characterized me in that way, but he knows exactly what Tooru is talking about. And he knows he cares about me. More than he wants to admit to Tooru, especially right now. 

"You know..." Tooru tries to mime some kind of whiny pouty face and Hajime gags at the sight. "Oh, screw you! Everyone's acting like she's this perfect little angel but I've got the same face! Dare I say, I'm prettier!" 

"Oh, for sure." 

"Ha! Take that, Atsumu!" 

"Can I leave now?" 

It's late at night and I'm studying for my finals in the library, when I suddenly gasp as I see Hajime rounding the corner of the huge staircase. Why is he here?

He spots me and groans and I just pretend not to notice it, my headphones in as I start highlighting random facts in my textbook. I don't even raise my head when I feel his shadow looming over my stuff, suppressing a sigh. Even visually he won't let me forget that he's there until he pulls my headphones down, making me look up at him, attempting to pretend I'm as unflustered as one could be.

"Oh, hey." I try my hand at his nonchalant nature, shrugging before leaning back over my homework. 

"Yeah, okay." Hajime decides to sit at my table, making himself comfortable even as I gape at him.

"Um, this table is occupied." I gesture around the almost empty library at like 2 AM. He could sit literally anywhere else. 

"Yeah, by me." Hajime shrugs before rocking his chair back lazily as he keeps his hands in his pockets, as if that makes him look cool. I roll my eyes before raising an eyebrow at him.

"Hajime, why are you bothering me?" 

"Is that what I'm doing?" 

My lips twist in annoyance before shaking my head as I speak with a tired bored tone. I refuse to let him get under my skin. Well, any more than he already has. "Whatever." 

We sit in tense silence as I pretend to be fully absorbed by my busy work, while Hajime just looks around the library as if he's never been in such an interesting building before, noticing the damn architecture. Stupid.

"...You don't want me to come on the trip?" 

I stiffen with his true assessment of my opinion. I'm not sure if this a trick question though. Will he do the opposite of what I say? I don't have the time or space to play mind games with him so I just ask him a question right back. "...Why do you want to know?" 

"I want to know everything about you." 

"Well, you don't gotta try that hard." I ignore the way my heart's pounding in my chest from the admission but he leans forward, shutting my place in the book and I gasp like I really was reading it. I lift my head to stare him down but he's already beat me out with the intense look in his dark eyes, searching mine with intent. It makes me flush and I curse my body for reacting naturally to this hot of a man. 

"Tell me what to do." 

"I bet you'd like that." 

He groans and tilts his head up to the ceiling even as his ears turn pink. "Please." He whispers out my name and it almost makes me want to do what he says. Almost.

"I bet Tooru didn't tell you about the 'no influencing' rule." I scoff and cross my arms while I copy his movement of rocking the chair. It's dangerous, but god, it's so satisfying. 

"No, he did. Surprisingly." Hajime shrugs but I raise a suspicious brow.

"...He still tried it though, didn't he?" 

Hajime shrugs innocently but I see the way the corners of his mouth twitch. "...I'm not trying to get my invitation revoked." 

"Yeah, so he did. Great." 

"You could influence me more than he could." I narrow my eyes at him, trying to get a read on the game he's playing, but I knew he was telling the truth because he couldn't look me in the eye. Coward.

"...I don't want to influence you." I shrug, finally moving my hands back to my headphones around my neck. 

"Why?" He returns his intense gaze now that I'm threatening to check out, leaning forward, arms on the table as he tries to catch my eye even as I peruse my notebook. "I'm being honest, I don't want you to be upset with me." 

I let out a seriously exhausted sigh. I'm so tired of these games just because he can't take the plunge. I throw my arms out in defeat. "I'm going to be upset no matter what, Hajime. You know that." 

He purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair, mussing it up as he grits his teeth like he's just as frustrated as me about the situation, but I just know that can't be true.  "...I don't know what you want from me." 

"No, you do." I let out a squawk of a laugh before returning to my work, pretending like this conversation isn't making my insides disintegrate. "You just don't want to give it to me." 

"That's not true." 

"Stop." 

"I do, I just can't-"

"Hajime!" I speak it loud enough for some of the other students to turn in annoyance at the volume and I shrink down before I have to get a librarian up to shush me. "Stop saying 'can't.' You're pissing me off. Just stand ten toes down. You want to fuck me? Great." He flinches with the crass way I'm speaking about his thoughts but I move on like it doesn't even register in my body. "You want to ignore me and pretend to only see me as a friend? Super." I lean forward, almost snarling. "Stop complaining about your choices to me." 

"You know that's not what I'm trying to-" 

"I'm going to be super honest with you." I lean forward. "I don't care what you're 'trying' to do. I care about what you do, what you say to me, and how often I have to deal with that. Keep it to a minimum if you're not trying to see me naked." I slam my own notebook shut before leaving him behind in the library. I'm feeling almost more smug than despondent when I suddenly hear his pounding footsteps following me down the path towards my dorm and groan. 

"What do you want now-" 

"I'll go." I look up at him and blink rapidly, unsure of how that answer makes me feel after saying that whole speech.

"...Okay." 

"Okay." He nods and runs a hand down his mouth and looks over my shoulder nodding as if resolving himself to that choice. We stand there in silence and I feel the tension pull tight like a string when it's this late standing alone with each other on an abandoned sidewalk. 

"Good night." I make a slow movement to turn and I feel the way he reaches towards me, the way the air shifts around both of us and I also know he clenches his fist as he draws back. Just another choice that I'll perseverate on all night. 

"...Yeah. Good night."

I turn to continue my path, but I take note of the way I don't hear him move at all. 

Chapter Text

Well, shit. 

Hajime is staring at his abysmal final grade, noting that he just barely passed the class so as not to repeat it. He totally half-assed the group project, but to be honest, nobody else seemed to do a whole lot better than him. Saki must've misinterpreted his silence as despair at his score, but he didn't feel much. An initial assessment about whether that means he passed or not, but once he was in the clear, he felt numb. He was thinking of his other poorly made decisions, particularly one involving a rather spoiled freshman girl. He lets out another sigh before he hears the echo of someone's voice in his ear, the closeness enough to startle him into listening. 

"Don't worry about it, this professor is prone to giving out extra credit if you really need it." Hajime turns his narrowed eyes up towards the source of the sound, Saki giving him a slightly sheepish, slightly encouraging smile. "If you beg hard enough." She gives him a wink and he gives her a tight thin-lipped smile at her good-natured attempt at comfort. 

She's pretty. But it was too large of a reconciliation in his mind to see her as attractive at this point. I mean, the last time he really admired her, he also had a raging boner 15 minutes later making out with a childhood friend against a school building like high schoolers. Hajime's self control was actually so lacking that it was hard to believe he'd been able to resist her as long as he had. Was controlling himself even a good thing at this point? Why did he feel worse than ever? 

"Yeah thanks." Iwaizumi mumbles to her before packing up his backpack, slipping on a colder persona before Saki could take another breath and shot at speaking to him. At the very least, she seemed to be good at reading the vibe of the room. Hajime had too much experience with the alternative.

"Stop pushing!" 

"I'm not!" 

Hajime's eyes are barely open, his brain almost entirely shut off as he shivers in the early morning air, staring out at the dark sky, wondering when the sun would rise. He's back in his hometown, but he's already excited to get out of there. Enough time with his parents nagging on him about his GPA falling, threatening about how volleyball can't be the only thing in his life, generally doesn't serve to put him in the holiday spirit. For some odd reason, this semester has taught him that he's incapable more than anything else. Incapable in school, love, and maybe everything. Regardless of his weak mental state, he's still standing in the familiar driveway, praying his nuts don't shrivel up and-

Hajime's eye twitches when he feels the body hit his back, small but enough force to make him move, his jaw finally clenching in annoyance, whipping around to yell at the siblings. 

"Do you guys mind?" 

"Tooru started i-" Of course, the moment Hajime shifts, she has to slip on some black ice, his reflexes holding underneath her arms as he suppresses a groan at the physical exertion and contact so early in the goddamn morning. Still, when she tilts her head to look up at him, cheeks red and eyes widened, a flutter starts to form in his chest. She looks as helpless as he feels, unable to think of words when he's too busy appreciating the way her eyelashes curl.

"...What are you wearing?" Those are the words that decide to leave his lips, attempting to sound as annoyed as possible. Her eyebrows immediately fold down upon her eyes and she tries to gain enough traction to pull away from him and stand on her own, turning around once she has her footing to glare at Hajime. 

"What do you mean?" She gestures down to her puffy, probably a little too tight, definitely too pink coat. "This is proper winter attire." She shoves an accusing and loud finger in his face to accompany her matching tone of voice. "The better question is why are you trying to look cool?" 

Hajime looks down at his black jacket, albeit a little light for how far north they're planning to go, but still. Okay, maybe he was freezing. He grits his teeth with the inability to admit that not only did he buy a whole new jacket for the trip, but it might not even have been a reasonable purchase. Why can't he do anything right? But wait, why is he getting berated by her now too? I mean, he doesn't usually go north ever, so how was he supposed to know how fucking cold it was going to be?

"Stop bullying Iwa-chan!" Tooru wraps his arms around Hajime, moving his hands up and down as if he's a mother warming up her stubborn pre-teen. "That's my job!" 

"Have at it." She rolls her eyes before stalking over to her parents, probably just using them as an exit strategy. Hajime would normally have shoved Tooru off at this point, but he can't deny that he's actually enjoying the warmth and attention. Her attitude was almost as chilly as the weather, and Hajime can't help but feel loneliness and regret pass through his jacket just as easily as the wind.

"Don't listen to her." Tooru gives him a little sly wink. "You look hot and she's just mad about it." 

"Bro." Iwaizumi just looks at Tooru with resigned eyes, eyelids lowered with how insane he sounds. "You do realize this is why everyone thinks we're into each other, right?" 

"We're not?" Tooru blinks at him rapidly as if in shock before leaning in with playfully puckered lips, Hajime jumping back with a laugh that finally brightens up the day with the sun.

Of course.

"This is why it's a family-only trip." 

I'm stuck in the middle of the backseat, cramped between two built volleyball players, one with absolutely no regard for personal space and the other with thick thighs that are making me lose my mind. 

"Move over." Tooru pushes at my side and I can't help but feel my eye twitch. 

"I know you're not talking to me." I say lowly and it stifles the chuckle in Tooru's throat when he sees the daggers I throw at him, but he mumbles that it's not his fault that I'm small. I almost hear the sound of another low laugh from my other side before I cut him a glare as well. "And I know you're not saying anything. Are you, Hajime?" 

"No, ma'am." 

"That's right." 

I hear my mother sigh from the passenger seat, the clicking of her glasses as her hands adjust them, a habit she tends to have before scolding us. Like clockwork I cross my arms and slump in my seat, not caring that my broad shoulders dig into both of their upper arms, Tooru whining about how I'm pinching him.

"Darling, would you please try to have a good attitude?" She turns around to stare at the three of us packed into the tiny vehicle, allowing her eyes to land on me, the least happy camper. I glare at her while Iwaizumi stares out his window and Tooru texts while he still has service. "You love the Christmas trip." 

"No, I don't." 

"Brat." I hear Tooru cough under his breath, rubbing at his chest as if it was an accidental sound that slipped out but I can feel my face turn red with frustration.

"Shut up." I mutter under my breath even though I suffer the consequence of my mother's warning glare, making my eyes widen as I look from her to Tooru. Can't she see that he's always starting it? 

"Okay, kiddos. We have a guest this time..." She takes a moment to smile sweetly at Hajime and I have to suppress the largest eyeroll when he gives it right back to her, surely charming her more with every passing year, especially when she has Tooru and I as veritable demon spawn. "...So I expect everyone to be on their best behavior." With no response and the two of us refusing to look in her eyes, she suddenly drops her register and the car goes cold even with the heat blasting. "Got it?" 

"Got it." Tooru and I chorus back quickly so as to appease her, which it does.

She nods and gives a cheery smile to Hajime. "Let me know if you start to get carsick, okay, baby?" 

"Thank you." Hajime nods at her politely, warmth radiating from that side until it makes me sweat, making my whole head tilt towards the ceiling, groaning at his princess treatment. Mom lets out a little noise of contentment once more before turning back front, asking what podcast Dad wants to listen to. 

"You could be carsick right now." I murmur under my breath before grabbing more of the blanket draped over my lap, bringing it up to cover most of my torso. The movement annoys Tooru into finally whipping out his noise-cancelling headphones, slapping them over his ears to keep out even the tiniest of noises, obviously not an early bird. "If you tried hard enough." 

Hajime turns his head towards me and I almost regret saying anything because the remnants of his boyish smile are apparent before he slides into a more neutral expression, his thin eyes dropping to stare into mine. It makes me swallow and forget what I was saying. 

"You don't want to be next to me?" Hajime says it quietly, only after darting his eyes over my head to make sure Tooru isn't paying attention. Luckily, Tooru's already got his head thrown back and mouth open, regardless of whether it's actually possible to fall asleep that quickly or not. When Hajime's eyes return to mine, an intense question lies in between us, our proximity forcing us to brush against it every two seconds.

I don't say anything, stuck in the limbo of my mind, and it only gets harder to think when I feel his thigh shift against mine, a challenge in the touch, but also an admission that he's just as affected by the circumstances as I am. It makes my lips part as if the air is already thinner in the car with him than it will be on the mountain. 

"...No." I turn to face forward, my shaking fingers moving to my phone to copy Tooru's choice of ignoring both of us the entire ride up, but I lose momentum as I feel Hajime's fingers follow the lead of his thigh, touching my leg gently underneath the blanket. I don't even dare to look in his direction, but I sense him letting out a heavy sigh and turning to stare out the window, sounding resigned but I know better. After all, he's letting his fingers wander along my thigh like they're exploring new terrain. Recalling exactly why that's untrue makes my face go beet red and I fumble with my phone, dropping it into my lap as it gets tangled in the blanket. I lean forward, giving him the opportunity to remove and remind him of what his hands are up to, but it feels as if he becomes more daring, moving them towards the seam of my inner pant leg, making me swallow. 

What is he doing?

Worse, I can't even deny how much I like it, my leg shifting to be closer to the touch. His fingers pause as if his body needs to confirm it's not all in his head, that he's actually experiencing my reluctant desire sitting underneath his palm. My ears are pink with the agony of waiting around to see if he likes the development, but they jump back just as Tooru jerks forward, shifting his headphones to hear an answer to his obnoxious question.

"How much longer?" 

"THANK GOD."

"Tooru!" His mom whisper-yells at the fast receding body, reprimanding him for his lack of volume control when his younger sister is still fast asleep right next to him. Tooru leapt out of the car like it was on fire to keep from pissing himself, so Hajime isn't surprised that he doesn't stick around to apologize. Their mother shakes her head in disappointment as she watches her first-born rush into the gas station, leaning down to speak softly to Iwaizumi through the open car door. "Do you need to go too, sweetheart?" 

"I'm good, thank you." He gives Ms. Oikawa a reassuring nod and she gives him a smile, carefully closing the car door before heading inside after her remaining family. With the world shut out, the engine off, Hajime listens to the muted sounds as he stares out the window, a part of him excited at seeing the light dusting of snow on the ground, heralding in the holidays. Evidence if not for the hours spent in the car that they'll be nearing the cabin. He can't deny that even though he'll be freezing, he might actually be intrigued to see what they always got up to this time of year. He remembers how he had to give them their presents early or after they came back when they were younger, and he had to swallow his resentment that he could only spend the New Year's with them. He never thought the first time he'd go with them, she'd be so unhappy-

"Mm..." I shift a little to place my head on the shoulder next to me, but it's too hard to be comfortable: much like Hajime is starting to become, making his face turn red, his whole body stiffening with the new development. Hajime takes some deep breaths, reminding himself that it's extremely embarrassing to get an erection from a girl just touching him. Fully clothed by the way. On the shoulder by the way.

Hajime finds himself checking the periphery for the others, self-conscious even though he's not doing anything wrong per se. Luckily, they take their sweet time in the gas station, letting him admire the ever-changing expression, the window to my subconscious. Sometimes I look the most peaceful he's ever seen me, then the furrow in my brow that he knows so well, like I'm dreaming up a fight with anyone and everyone. He can't help but let out an endeared exhale, moving his long fingers to cup my cheek, brushing some strands of hair tickling my face back. He can see the immediate relief on my face at having the bothersome sensation neutralized.

She smells good. 

He feels a surge of boldness move through him as he leans down just the smallest amount to bring his lips to the crown of my head, curious as to where, when, and how I would wake up. Would I be mad at him? Would I even notice?

He doesn't have to wonder for very long when he jumps back with the sound of the door opening, her consciousness forcefully plunging back into her body. Waking up grumpier than ever, she stares with thinned eyes towards Tooru. Hajime can only be thankful that he's not the object of her scrutiny at the moment. 

"Move." Tooru goes into the car ass first to shove her further into the vehicle. Tooru tosses snacks haphazardly in the car, one bag hitting the side of her face, a shrill complaint leaving her mouth as she rubs her face, not even fully awake yet.

"Ow!" 

"God, did this car get smaller since I left?!" Tooru continues to groan even though he's the culprit to the discomfort of the car, shoving his sister further into Hajime, making her start to shove at Tooru more, but Hajime just tunes us out under the sound of his heartbeat, the interruption not enough to dismiss the desire pumping through his veins. 

I faceplant into the couch and groan with the relief of solid ground, only the parents opting into bringing the luggage in first. Too many hours trapped with Tooru is already torture, but add in the hottest guy I've ever seen? Why did I forget to pack a gun?

I hear Tooru giving Hajime a cabin tour but I don't care. Or rather, I can't afford to care. I can't think about what it means to have him here.

Hajime can't help but inspect the cabin with wonder, not realizing how nice it would be up here, especially with the ski resort so close by this far up in the mountains. He knew the Oikawa's were well-off, but damn. He hears Tooru's gasp of excitement while still in a daze, no match for his best friend when he feels the way Tooru clings to his arm in anticipation.

"We should go skiing!" Tooru turns to his parents, who are the only ones busying themselves with unloading. "Can we?!" 

"Tooru, please..." Having Tooru as a son would make anyone have chronic headaches, but our dad is especially prone after driving with the change in elevation. Mom makes it her mission to get the loud offspring out of the house, waving the boys off, whispering out of consideration for her husband as he goes to lie down in the main bedroom.

"You kids go have fun. We're going to rest."

"Me too." The words are muffled by the couch cushions, but she has ears like a hawk, the smile disappearing from her face, the energy so pervasive I raise my head to acknowledge her glare in my direction. I shrug in annoyed confusion as I raise myself with one arm. "What?!" 

"You need to go make sure Tooru doesn't cause trouble." We both gape at her, Tooru in offense, me in frustration, pointing an accusing finger towards our interloper, Hajime's eyes shifting between all of us like a tennis match. 

"Why can't he do that?" I let out a pout even as she narrows her eyes at me, my tired eyes finding Hajime's wide with curiosity. I suppress the guilt I feel in my chest before I mumble out. "At least then he'd be useful." 

It's the wrong thing to say even with my lethargy as an excuse. Mom immediately sharpens, the air in the room sucked out so quickly that even Tooru doesn't respond. "...Next time you talk about Hajime like that, I'll make sure all you can do is rest." I swallow and start to stand slowly as if not to anger a wild animal, nervously lifting myself as she raises an eyebrow, finalizing my punishment. "You're going." 

"Sounds like fun." I cough out before quickly exiting the cabin under the guise of unloading my own luggage, suffocating in that space with her disappointment burrowing into my skin. My face is red from the cold and embarrassment at getting scolded so heavily in front of them. So embarrassing, it has me burying my face into my duffel bag, letting out a muffled scream. Why is this happening to me? 

"...Is it that bad?" I lift my head to find Hajime behind me a couple paces, the tip of his nose red too as he looks off towards the resort. I scan his body and realize he must've been right behind me, his jacket not even zipped. "Being around me?" 

I turn away from him, back to my luggage just to have something else to focus on, something tangible to hold. I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to think about what just happened, what has happened, what will happen. I purse my lips and instead lift the duffel into my arms, heaving but when I turn around, Hajime's arms are already there to meet the bag before I look up at him. Even though I know he's only trying to help, I feel the cold sting my fingers as I tighten my grip on the evidence of my independence. Something solid to weigh me down rather than my heart. He's not even looking at me directly, only down at the bag between us. The way I flinch when he moves makes it obvious I'm preparing myself for a power struggle. But he doesn't move at all. In fact, he stands like an immovable object. It concerns me enough that I lean forward, trying to catch his eye. 

"This is what I was afraid of." The hopeless words leaving his mouth create a hungry void in my chest, my stomach sinking to fill the rest of me out. Hajime's eyes seem lost, not able to find mine, but I hear his soft inhale when his fingers find mine underneath the bag. They were obviously searching for mine, shifting just to feel the icy skin against his.

"...What?" I whisper quietly, the word sounding plastic with the richness of his emotions swirling in the air between us, the snow muffling any of the echo that might've made it harder to ignore. But he gives an imperceptible shake of his head before hefting the bag over his shoulder, moving indoors while I wipe at my face, wondering if the cold is the reason my entire body tingles.

Chapter Text

"Nope." 

Iwaizumi is shaking his head resolutely as Tooru freezes in one of the most embarrassing positions, ass out as he mimes how to ski. Tooru throws his hands out as I adjust the clips on my snowboard in the lounge, purposely ignoring the duo. 

"What do you mean 'nope'?!" Tooru scoffs before waddling towards Hajime, resting his hands on his shoulders before he tips over. "You have to! It's not called a 'ski resort' for nothing!" 

"That shit looks dumb as hell." Hajime looks beyond Tooru's begging expression to watch the rest of the people at the resort file past the interesting scene, too busy with their own holidays to care all that much. Still, a couple teenagers snicker at the scene, a couple of girls admiring the ass sticking out. Tooru must be fine-tuned to pick up when people think he's hot, because his head whips around, a smooth smile already starting to grace his lips.

"Hey." He gives them a wink and Hajime and I both groan and roll our eyes, but Hajime goes the extra mile to shove his friend off his shoulder, making Tooru lose his balance and trip over his skis. He gasps and looks back towards the girls who have quickly exited the scene, not wanting to be associated. "Why would you do that?!" 

"Don't bother, Tooru." Both of them look shocked at the fact that I'm addressing him out of the two, a bored expression on my face. "Who knows why he does anything?" I let out a mumbled laugh. "Always trying to come off as cool when you're not." 

"Harsh." Tooru lets out a laugh as he finally raises himself off the floor, hands out to balance himself, no further from playing the part of the fool in this play. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hajime turns to look at me already starting to dust off the back of my pants, disengaged from the both of them, his brow furrowed. Weren't they on the same team when it came to teasing Tooru?

"It means you don't have the balls to do anything." I meander closer to him, flicking a finger out to tap the skis Hajime's holding. "Not even when it's in the palm of your hand." I give him a shrug. "Isn't that right?" 

Both of their jaws unhinge after I turn my back, heading out towards the slopes I've known since I was little, snowboard in my hand. It's bustling through the resort but Tooru just speaks to Hajime in his peripheral, both of them still caught by surprise.

"Dude, what the hell did you do?"

Tooru is swarmed by his groupies from years past, something Hajime never thought he'd be grateful for. Anything to keep him off the slopes despite his best friend's threats that he'd better see him out there. Still, Hajime can't help but hear the sound of her mocking him earlier pounding in his ears.

She doesn't seem to understand the meaning of the word "consequences". To be fair, she hasn't had to suffer many, babied and spoiled beyond belief. Can't she see that he's doing this for her own good? Nothing good comes out of pissing Tooru off, getting involved with her would be like signing his own death certificate. And yet, he remains half-mast from the way she talked to him. How does she do that? Is it something she's learning in her stupid psychology classes? Well, he wasn't going to admit to her that whatever it was, it was working. 

What makes her think he's obsessed with his image? She has Shittykawa as a brother, for fuck's sake! If anyone was overly concerned about how he was perceived, why wouldn't it be him?! He doesn't care what people think about him, and he especially doesn't care what she thinks about him! Hajime nods his head as if winning the argument in his head, choosing to brave the cold and show up just to spite her, grabbing his borrowed snowboard that Tooru insisted was the lamer of the options. But almost immediately, he regrets it, the wind harsher than he expected, wrapping the scarf Tooru lent him around him tighter. 

"Jesus Christ..." Hajime's teeth start to chatter when he spots an obnoxious pink color near the ski lifts. To be fair, there seemed to be a lot of those around here, but he decides to walk towards it with purpose, since it's probably the only thing that will warm him up in this frozen tundra. Still, his eyes narrow as he wraps his arms around himself, starting to doubt himself when he sees that the girl is in a group. Or...

"What do you mean you don't want to go with me?" One of the guys with blond hair and a tongue piercing starts to chuckle as he leans forward towards her, her arms at her sides, one hand holding her snowboard as she ignores them. Hajime can't hear what she says in response, spoken lowly and quietly compared to this obnoxious prick, but now he can see that it is in fact, who he thought it was. 

Hajime groans internally. Why is she always getting into something? Still, he puffs out his chest, shaking out his hands as he passes the board between them, warming up his intimidating persona.

"What's going on-" 

"You guys always cheat anyway." All the heads of the group whip around to stare at Hajime, confused by his presence. Sure, he was expecting to scare these guys off but he wasn't expecting the full attention of the entire group a couple words in. It's freezing but he feels sweat forming at the back of his neck, especially when he sees her unbothered, yet slightly twisted expression on her face. The boys surrounding her turn to look for an explanation, pointing a haphazard finger in Hajime's direction as if he's the issue. 

"Boyfriend?" 

"Nah." 

"Aight." Hajime's eyes widen with absolute bafflement as the guys shrug in his direction before finally deciding who is riding up with who with almost no fanfare. Even she gives up whatever crusade she was on, letting the blond kid put his hand on the small of her back as they hop onto a lift together! Honestly, Hajime is so frustrated, embarrassed, confused that he doesn't realize that he's lined up right behind them.

"Whoa, dude, watch out!" The poor teenaged ski attendant gets taken off-guard, but not as much as Hajime, when he groans in pain when the bench knocks into the back of his knees, sending him up with a front-row view to his nightmare.

"Oikawa!" I almost balk at the sound of my last name coming out of Hajime's mouth, suddenly feeling less confident with my choice to get on the lift with Yuuji. I can't remember the last time he referred to me as anything other than my name or some silly nickname. High school? I turn around and my eyes boggle at the fact that not only did Hajime get on the damn ski lift alone, he's damn near hanging out of it trying to get my attention. "What the hell are you doing?" 

I don't even have time to think of a response before Yuuji jumps in, only making me further regret letting him convince me to go with him. "This guy bothering you?" The blond says it with a glimmer in his eye, obviously egging Hajime on by saying it loud, an annoyed sigh leaving my mouth. I give him a glare and a shove of my elbow into his side, warning him against teasing the guy behind us. 

"This...me?" Hajime's brain must be unhinging with the rickety ski lift and I can't tear my eyes away from the sight, not used to seeing it in front of full-blown strangers. It gets my heart pounding as we ascend. "You're the one bothering her! Not me!" 

"Am I?" Yuuji leans in with a whisper at the shell of my ear, the flirt. He loves the drama and he can't help but feed off of whatever Hajime is growling about back there. I easily push him back, not falling for his antics when I remember playing hide-and-seek with him in the ski resort at seven years old. 

"Yes." I answer easily, making him pout when I hear the sound of someone losing their mind back there.

"Um, hello?!" Hajime starts to lean forward more, wanting to continue his tirade but then he must've looked down because he suddenly shuts up. I turn back to look at him with slight concern in my eyes.

"Hajime! Don't look down, dumbass!" His panicked eyes raise to find mine looking at him intently, trying to keep him focused on anything else. "I'm here." 

"Well, technically, you're here and he's there." Yuuji nods towards Hajime's lonely lift, causing Hajime to start shouting grievances into the cold mountain air, in a strange way helping Hajime keep his mind off the drop. 

Both Yuuji and I stare at Hajime's doubled over huffing and puffing once we've been set free from the lift. I exchange an awkward glance but I see the way Yuuji's smile is enjoying the development of some crazy guy following me onto the slopes. 

"This your man?" 

"No." Hajime and I both say in unison, annoyance running through both of our veins. Yuuji laughs easily and loud as the other boys start to mill around each other, me telling each of them I'll have to find them later considering the...situation. My resort friends give me some hugs before sliding down the slope easily. Finally, when I'm caught unawares, Yuuji wraps a strong arm around my shoulder to place a prolonged kiss on my cheek. 

"See you later, baby." I give him a disgusted look before he winks and nods towards Hajime, slipping on his goggles before racing down to meet up with the others. 

I feel hot with the glare burning into the back of my skull, and I refuse to turn and look at the source, choosing to pretend to be interested in the paths left behind by the group. I hear the stomps in the snow and I have to suppress a smile at the kind of insane behavior Hajime is choosing to exhibit at the moment.

"What the fuck was that?" 

"Hm?" I turn, blinking innocently at Hajime's red face, twisted with disdain as he looks from me to the youths and back to me again. I shrug. "Oh, they're just some guys I know." 

"You know guys?" 

"Sure. Why not?" 

Hajime lets out a loud sigh, tossing the snowboard down on the ground before sitting next to it, pouting. I roll my eyes but place my snowboard beside his, letting others pass us easily as they go down the steep slope. We just sit in silence, comfortable for me as I hear the kids laughing and people chatting, probably annoyance for him. Still, the environment is too wholesome for him to stay mad for long, his breathing evening out until I can almost hear his teeth chattering in his skull. I laugh as I turn to him with a raised eyebrow, suddenly feeling a rush of affection for the poor thing.

"I can't believe you followed me up here." 

"I can't believe you know guys." 

"Seriously?" I snort. "You are so weird about the most random things." 

"A guy is not a random thing." Hajime shoots back, digging his glove into the snow next to him as if to draw an angry face. I can't help myself from poking the muscular bear at my side even as he lies down in the freezing snow, something I can tell he has no tolerance for. 

"That was really lame."

Hajime lets out a scoff and shakes his head, a false smile on his face as he tosses some snow onto my pants like that's enough to get back at me. "You think I'm lame all the time." 

"True." 

"Why is that, by the way?" Hajime sudden sits up to have this very serious unserious conversation, a smile still pressing against the corners of my lips. "No, like seriously. You used to think I was cool." 

"Yeah, and then I grew up." Hajime doesn't say anything, but I continue with a snort. "Despite what you think." 

Hajime groans and runs his hands down his face as he moves to let snow burrow under his collar when he lies down again, wanting to feel something other than hot with desire and anger. "I know you did. I'm not dumb, I see you. I know you." I'm so surprised that I actually turn over to stare at him more clearly, lying on my side next to him.

"Can you say that again?" 

"What?"

"How I'm super sexy and mature." 

"Well, that's not going to happen." 

I let out a moan before lying down next to him, resting my gloves on my stomach, warmer than he surely is. "You're so hard to break." 

"Why are you trying to break me so bad?" Hajime doesn't uncover his eyes to see the dangerous development that he feels at his side. "Your brother's going to break me in half when he finds out." 

"You genuinely think so?" I shift my head from side to side, acting like I haven't stayed up thinking about this for years. "...Tooru loves you probably more than he loves me." 

"You don't understand him. At all." Hajime shakes his head at my naivete, making me run hot once more. I don't say anything, not wanting to fight with him when I'm going to be stuck in the same place with him for the entire weekend. "He loves you." When he finally softly admits this, I don't think it's out of resentment, like Tooru is keeping him from me. It truly is affectionate, maybe bittersweet. It's enough for me to want to return to the normal that we've given up the last few months. Something both of us have been longing for, maybe more than each other. 

"...Hajime..." I lean closer to him, a grin adorning my face as he looks at me with a fierce glare. "...Are you jealous?" The taunt makes the red in his face spread.

"...Fuck off." 

I start cackling at the reaction, probably a little too long for anyone's liking. Hajime starts to nod with purpose, before basically tackling me down into the snow, making me roll off to the side out of the way of the actual patrons. He's chuckling too by the end of it, my nose pink and my cheeks flushed from getting tickled with fluffy snow and all the horrible snowboarding we were attempting. I breathe heavily with him as we stare at each other, our grins contagious. That's when his eyes start to dart around my face, landing on my lips before he swallows.

I know I told myself I wasn't going to push it, but I want to find the spaces where he'll make room for me. 

"You have something right there." I point at his face with my glove, but he narrows his eyes at me, skeptical. I was planning on getting some snow on his face, but I can see the way he's tense and flush from the cold, so instead, I take off my glove to cup his cheek, the minute amount of warmth against his icy face. My eyes dance along his features, particularly enjoying the snow clinging to his eyelashes. I let out a heavy sigh, pouring my heart into the gesture.

The truth is, I don't want Hajime to suffer. Especially at my hands, heart, whatever is obviously distressing him. But still, with his wide eyes watching me like he's seeing something for the first time in the bright white surroundings, I give him a tight smile. Maybe it aches in my chest, but I don't want to imagine the void he'll create if he leaves. I'm not sure I would survive it. So even when his lips start to part and I feel his chest move closer to mine, I take it upon myself to dislodge from underneath him, harshly reminding us both of the long-standing debate between our bodies. Maybe we just need to call it a draw and a day.

"You ready to snowboard?" I look at him expectantly, brushing off the snow from my jacket and pants as I stand, holding out a helping hand. His ears are pink and I know he's probably more self-conscious about failing than he wants to say. The fact only makes the twinkle in my eye grow brighter, ready to see his vulnerable state once more. It's becoming one of my favorites. He finally smiles wide with a huge eye roll and exaggerated sigh, like he doesn't know what to do with me.

"Fuck yeah." I grin at him before pulling him towards the slope, trying to find an area with less people so he can mess up for only my entertainment. 

After Hajime's sixth wipeout, we end up about halfway down the slope, still on the outskirts so as not to injure ourselves or anyone who actually knows what they're doing. I'm breathing heavily with the exertion and the attempts at keeping him upright, and he's just...exhausted. I'm about to tease him about his lack of stamina even though he's a collegiate volleyball player when he decides to divulge his dirty little secret.

"...I was going to save you, you know."

"What?" I look at him quizzically, not even sure about what he's referring to. 

"Those guys." He nods towards the long gone snowboarders.

I let out a disbelieving laugh. "Who? Yuuji?!" I chortle. "He was just fucking with you." 

"Nah, he fucks with you."  I let my mouth drop even with a smile at his obvious display of faux nonchalance. "Stupid kid." 

"Same age as me, by the way." 

"So my point stands." I'm about to protest but he holds a hand up to silence me, continuing his story, taking a moment to stare at my pout until I will it to go away. "I thought they were hitting on you. Which they were." I snort as he gives me the side eye, but he continues on regardless. "So I was going to...you know..." 

"No, actually, Hajime, I don't know." I shrug at him innocently, suppressing a smirk as I tilt my head at him. "What, act like my boyfriend or something?" 

"Okay." Hajime rolls his eyes and his jaw twitches with my mocking, and I punch his shoulder to try to get him to stop being mad at me. "What the hell would you know about having a boyfriend anyway?" 

"Excuse me?" I let out an offended sound as I put a hand to my chest. "It's basically my entire major, asshole." I wave a dismissive hand in his direction. "Meanwhile you're...what-" 

"Fucking failing." Hajime lets out a defeated chuckle, reminded of his shitty grades at the end of the semester. He didn't realize that had been truly weighing on his mind until he spoke the words, sheepishly looking over at her for some semblance of acceptance he hasn't found anywhere else. When he's met with my blank stare, he lets out a little chuckle to lighten the mood, but I don't receive it.

"Why?" 

Hajime blinks at her, surprised at the reaction. In fact, it pisses him off. Sure, he expects an averse reaction from his parents, from his teachers, from himself but...

"What do you mean 'why'?" Hajime gives her a slight shake of his head, still watching her face to how she feels. "I'm just...not good at it." They sit in silence, him not daring to steal another glance before she inhales sharply, making up her mind and accusing him like it's an epiphany. 

"You're bitching out." 

Hajime actually jerks back at the statement, feeling his face flood with embarrassment. He has trouble processing my reaction at all. I mean, all his classmates struggled too. Fuck, even Saki comforted him. Why couldn't she? Why didn't she get it? Why couldn't she understand?

"Why are you giving me shit for this?" Hajime moves to stand up, looking down at her even though her glare makes him feel vulnerable and cold. "I'm doing the best I can." 

"No, you're not." She shakes her head at him almost in disgust, determination in her eyes that he can't believe. "I know you, Hajime." 

"What? You think I'm trying to fail?" Hajime can't believe his ears as he scoffs into the wind. Why did he think that some freshman girl would understand the demands of his major-

Suddenly he feels rather than sees her pulling at his bicep, gripping it hard to bring his attention back to her, forcing the defensiveness out of him.

"You're so fucking capable, Hajime." Her voice seems to ring in the corners of his mind, like a bell. It's like she's found a way to shut out the excess noise, only reflecting the snow and clouds surrounding them in her eyes. "You're hardworking, passionate, and so fucking smart." Hajime watches the way the corner of her lip twitches up into a smile she can't suppress, shaking her head as if she can't believe what she's seeing in him. It makes him feel scared and warm and unbelievably undeserving of it. That's when her smile drops and her brow furrows, intensity slipping into the tone of her voice. "Stop." 

"...Stop what?" 

"Convincing yourself you aren't." 

Hajime wants to refute what she's saying but it's almost as if she's put her fingers into the fissures of his heart and started prying against his will. What the hell was wrong with her? But more importantly, what was wrong with him? When did he start feeling so out of control? 

"I know you." She says it with determination, making him chance a glance at those dark brown eyes once more, his emotions easily tugged on when he does so. "Sometimes you're too close to it."

She chuckles a moment before letting her hand fall from his bicep down to his hand, slowly peeling the glove off carefully. His hand almost stings in the cold but it feels alive. Awake. And she doesn't let him do it alone, removing her own to then let her fingers settle between the gaps of his. Hajime felt like a damn child, being self-soothed into a dream. A good one for once.

"You're too close to the details, you can't see the bigger picture. The full picture." She steps back just a little, keeping her hand in his but lifting it to her face as if to zero in on his. "I won't let this guy get away with anything less than what I know him to be." Then, his eyes widen when her cold yet soft lips press against the inside of his wrist, and he feels heat float from her mouth down to his fingertips. 

"And he's kind of fucking great, so good luck." I snort before patting his hand and giving him back his glove. "So, how are we going to get you down this thing..." I start to scan the edges of the slope as if there were a way to make it less daunting for a beginner, but Hajime can't be bothered with thinking about that.

He's too busy trying not to cry. 

Chapter Text

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" 

Tooru greets his best friend with a weepy show of affection. At least, he meant to, but he severely overestimated Hajime's ability and ends up with a sputtering rocket of pure muscle hitting his chest as he held his arms wide for a touching reunion. I can't help but chuckle as I watch both of them tumble down, slowing my descent naturally. 

"I'm dead." Tooru croaks out the newest update on his condition while Hajime groans and rolls over, his entire face covered in snow. He rips off a glove to run it down his face but I can't help but laugh even as I watch the snow quickly melt against his blushing face. 

"You okay, kid?" I grin at him while he scowls at me reversing the nickname back onto him, extending a hand while Tooru complains that I'm always siding with Hajime over him. 

Hajime stares at my hand like it's a mousetrap in disguise until I tilt my head at him chidingly. "Are you mad at me?" My canines peek out from my curling lips as I try to suppress teasing him to no avail. 

The broody boy scans my entire body thoroughly with a deep furrow in his brow, assessing. 

"You look like Tooru." 

I gasp at the same time as Tooru, the offense taken by everyone involved.

"I do not!" 

"She does not!" 

Both Tooru and I turn toward each other, the target shifting easily with our attention, pointing our fingers out accusingly. 

"What's wrong with looking like me, huh?" 

"Have you seen your face recently? Ever thought about getting a nose job?" 

"Oh my-" Tooru takes the opportunity to tackle me to the ground now, and now we're laughing and stuffing snow down the back of each other's jackets. "Jesus Christ, that's fucking freezing-" Tooru is shaking like chihuahua as he tries to shift and win back the advantage. Tooru has taken a new approach of tickling me and I'm now writhing in horror at the development before my eyes find Hajime's in a playful panic. 

He didn't think before he did it. It just took one look from her for him to already be moving. 

And then she's standing up. With his cold hands starting to warm around her middle. It would've been comforting if he understood how he got there. 

Tooru stares up at the both of us, standing like Hajime just rescued me from treacherous snow pirates and we're now being printed onto the front of an erotic novel. Tooru lets out an awkward chuckle, slightly winded from our tussle. 

"Damn, when did you guys decide to gang up on me?" 

Tooru runs a hand through his hair, attempting to get some snow off as his smile starts to fall a little in confusion, and I immediately shove Hajime away, my entire face burning. "We...didn't-" 

Hajime does the next thing with the same amount of planning he had for saving me from Tooru's clutches. He shoves my side until I'm tumbling back in the snow with an oof. I let out a little whine but Hajime keeps his eyes on Tooru the whole time, watching his reaction, to which my brother's eyes start to glimmer in recognition, a smile starting to curl his lips.

Hajime's heart pangs. 

"I knew you wouldn't abandon me, Iwa-chan." 

Tooru's heart-stopping smile was in its full glory as he started to stand, Hajime unable to find the strength to help him up, his vacant eyes moving to a spot on the slope. 

What am I doing? 

Iwaizumi is surely feeling some kind of bug of guilt crawling around in his stomach, because he actually allowed Tooru to shove him into some skis, after the setter complained that Hajime spent all day with me. Hajime's eyes slowly raised to try to find mine, nervous, but I just gave him an understanding but disappointed smile. Not disappointed in him, but disappointed with the circumstances. It almost hurts more. 

"Now, hold still, Iwa-chan..." 

"Yo!" 

Hajime turns his head towards the loud greeting, but his jaw immediately clenches when he recognizes the blond who I rode up with on the ski lift. Yuji takes inventory of the company, lingering on Hajime for one second. "The Oikawas, back in action!" Yuji's hand waves in a flaccid gesture towards Iwaizumi, mumbling unenthusiastically with a smile still plastered on his face. "...and company." 

Oh, I'm going to kill him-

Hajime's vengeful thought is interrupted when he loses his balance slightly when Tooru rushes forward to pat the kid on the back, mussing up his hair as he asks how freshman year is going for him. Hajime's clenched jaw goes slack.

What the hell?

"It's going, but dude, get out the way." Yuji shoves playfully at Tooru's chest, his brown eyes locking onto his target. "I barely got a look at my favorite Oikawa." I roll my eyes but Yuji starts to stalk over to me like I'm unsuspecting prey rather than a girl that's scowling at him. 

Hajime only feels a flash of jealousy for one moment before he suppresses the evil smirk attempting to grace his face. 

Shit, I don't even have to kill him. I can't wait to see Tooru...

Hajime's inner anticipation for a bloodbath dissipates when he hears Tooru groan in annoyance, complaining in faux offense that he can't believe he's not Yuji's favorite. Hajime almost can't register me spinning in Yuji's insistent arms in his peripheral, his mouth gaping when he looks over at Tooru. Tooru notices and his smile falls as he lifts his shoulders in a confused 'What did I do?!' gesture.

Unbelievable. 

"-and this is Iwaizumi Hajime." 

His attention is sharp when his pumping blood starts to become background noise, turning to look at my slightly apprehensive face next to a smug one. God, it was so punchable. 

"Cool." Yuji looks from me to Iwaizumi, extending a hand out to shake with a shit-eating grin, his other hand wrapped tight around my waist. "Nice to meet you, man." 

Hajime is a very polite guy. At least, he likes to think so. And at this point, he, realistically, should have nothing against this kid. 

But he fucking does. 

Hajime's hand doesn't bother to meet Yuji's, his eyes narrowing as he says lowly. "How old are you anyway?" 

Yuji snorts but he doesn't look offended. He looks entertained. 

"Whoa, big guy over here?" Yuji moves his hand up to sling around my shoulders, lazily pulling me into his side. I shake my head, but some strange part of me feels paralyzed with the amount of malice coming off in waves around Hajime. 

"Iwa-chan is just hungry." Hajime now feels Tooru come up to his side, mirroring our position with his arm around Hajime's stiff shoulders. "And very, very cold." Tooru shakes his best friend, trying to warm him up and also get some kind of read on him as he chuckles. When Hajime cuts him a deadly glare, Tooru starts to sweat. 

"Aw, that's too bad." Yuji pouts insincerely before looking down at me, obviously taking me in languidly. "Guess we'll have to hit the slopes, just us two." 

I let out a noncommittal hum as my eyes lift, trying to find Hajime's. But he's too busy having a tense exchange with my brother, the words lost in the lodge's echoing din as people funnel in and out of the doors. I watch them for a couple seconds curiously, before Hajime's eyes snap up to find mine, colder than I thought they would be.

"What's the hold up?" Hajime's chin tilts out towards the slopes, and I feel a lump in my throat start to form. But I don't know why. When did my expectations start to get the better of me? 

"Nothing." I glare after I swallow down my pain, a hand grabbing Yuji's harshly, the blonde's eyes widening as he looks between both of us with rapt attention. "Let's go." 

Hajime can barely pull his eyes away from watching me walk out the doors with that douche, his jaw aching with how much his teeth are begging for a reprieve from being grinded against each other.

"...didn't even do anything!" 

Hajime finally remembers that he has a perfect place to direct his anger. He turns and wraps a tight hand around Tooru's bicep until his best friend is complaining loudly, his body bending in pain. 

"Wh-What the fuck?!" 

"What the hell was that?!" 

"What are you..." Tooru rubs his arm out when Hajime just shoves his best friend away in annoyance, groaning with desperation as he tries to get his emotions back under control. Tooru looks from Hajime to the outdoors, and back again. "...Who, Yuji?" Tooru lets out a weird dry chuckle, still recovering from being manhandled. "Oh, we've hung out with since we started coming up here for winter break. Nice kid-" 

"I don't give..." Hajime's voice is low with restraint. "...a fuck." Hajime glares at Tooru, whose eyes have widened in surprise. "You do realize he was all over your sister, right? The one you are fucking crazy protective over-" Hajime lets out a choked out laugh, running a frustrated hand through his hair as he kicks off the skis he didn't realize were still attached to his feet. 

"Okay, Iwa-chan..." Tooru holds his hands out as if he was calming a wild animal. "I get your confusion." Tooru nods solemnly but quickly, trying to get Hajime into a state of mind where he would be willing to listen. Unfortunately, Hajime has become impatient in his anger, staring Tooru down to get to the point. Tooru lets out a nervous exhale, smiling through it. "Yuji's not being serious, he knows that I'd never let a punk like him get with my sister." 

Hajime doesn't like that answer. Actually, he's becoming really fucking fed up with all these stupid fucking "answers".

"Tooru, you need to start evaluating why you give a shit." 

"Wh..." Tooru's playfully nervous demeanor dissipates when he sees the annoyance written in every line of Hajime's face, replaced with his own. "What are you trying to say to me right now?" 

Hajime says my name clearly, each syllable enunciated as he watches Tooru's body tense as he realizes what's actually being discussed right now. It makes Hajime purse his lips as he struggles on how to approach it, sighing heavily as he rubs at his temple, feeling a headache replace his anger. "She's not a little kid anymore, I-" 

"What do you know?" 

Tooru's venom makes Iwaizumi subtly twitch in shock, but he keeps his eyes on Tooru's. Very rarely does he see Tooru lose it to the point where he's not rational, but when it does happen, Hajime has never known how to handle it besides punching it out of him. He couldn't see that helping right now. Hajime feels himself shrink a few inches, reminded of Tooru's height at inopportune moments like this. 

"...I'm just saying-" 

"You got pretty upset back there." Tooru lets out a bitter chuckle, mean-spirited which makes Hajime's eye twitch. "Funny for someone who thinks I 'give too much of a shit'." Tooru throws a hand out, referring to the entire exchange, not realizing Hajime wasn't coming from a place of pure protection. Improper quotes shoved into Hajime's mouth isn't anything new when he's deal with both drama queens all his life. 

"...You're not listening to me." Hajime runs a hand down his entire face, realizing this is going nowhere. 

"Go ahead then." Tooru crosses his arms and Hajime can't help but see the resemblance between the siblings, making him shudder in confusion for a moment. He wonders, for a good five seconds, if he should tell his best friend the truth. Rip the band-aid off. But when Hajime's eyes raise and he opens his mouth, his tongue dries and the words float away on the wind. 

"...I just don't get the double standard." Hajime mumbles under his breath and Tooru rolls his eyes. 

"Like I was saying, I know Yuji. He's not going to try anything. Or he'd have to deal with me." Tooru lets out a heavy breath like he's trying to breathe the negative energy out of himself. Tooru shakes out his hair, looking at his best friend's despondent face as evidence of his subscription to the sympathetic cause of making sure I stay out of trouble. After a few moments of silence, Tooru bites his lip when he comes to the conclusion that he might have overreacted. He takes a couple steps closer to his ace, placing what is meant to be a reassuring hand on Hajime's shoulder.

"Iwa-chan, you're my best friend." Tooru takes a deep breath, looking over Hajime's shoulder for a moment as he tries to center himself. "...But you're not her brother."

God, I know. I know that very well. 

Tooru gives him a tepid grin, tilting his head to catch Hajime's eye as if that would seal the unspoken pact that Hajime's not sure he wants to sign. "Trust me a little, yeah?" 

"...You're not having fun." 

My tired eyes look up to meet Yuji's pout. After we did some leisurely slopes rather than the usual hardcore ones, he finally caught on that I was not in the mood. 

"Gee, how'd you know?" I deadpan.

"Because I don't have fun if you're not having fun." Yuji leans forward to look at me before sighing and flopping down in the snow. The crowds were starting to die down now that we were entering early evening, the kids surely all (literally) wiped out. "Is it about Mr. Grumpy?" 

"He's not-" I start to protest, but then I wonder why. Especially when Yuji is kind of spot on. I purse my lips before continuing carefully. "You don't know him."

"I don't need to know him to know he's super into you." Yuji snorts easily, and I don't even bother correcting him. I don't even blush, honestly more peeved than anything that everyone can tell but my brother and Hajime himself. Exhausted from carrying this barely-a-secret, I fling myself down beside Yuji, staring up at the cool colors of the dimming sunset. 

"Could you tell him that?" I let out a little weak chuckle. Surprisingly, Yuji is quiet for some moments, letting us cool off in the snow. I'm so comfortable like this, and I've needed it since this day has been a ride. Yuji's an old friend that I didn't realize I missed as much as I did. But I do-

"You're so hot, he knows." 

"Oh, great." My pang of affection quickly rides off into the sunset, my eyelids lowering with playful annoyance and resignation. 

"I'm sorry! It had to be said." Yuji props his head up as he lies next to me, looking down at me with widened eyes. "If I wasn't sure your brother would turn psycho-killer murderer, I would've kissed you longer than one second." 

"What are you talking about..." Then I gasp and sit up and point a finger at Yuji's cat-like grin. "Oh my god, how many years ago was that?" 

"Last year of junior high. I think your brother was like..." Yuji tilts his head back and forth as he scans his memory. "...fifteen? Sixteen?" Now he shakes his head out like he could get rid of those unimportant thoughts, the memory of us playing "spin the bottle" at the lodge with a couple of the other kids our age. "Either way, he was a LOT bigger than I remembered. I was sweating buckets but I wanted to kiss you more than I was scared of him."  

I let out a disbelieving guffaw but Yuji looks at me with that easy smile that disarms, and I slowly lose traction on my laugh track. "...You're serious." 

"As a heart attack." 

"Don't joke about that." 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." 

"...And don't call me that either." 

"Hm?" Yuji leans over me just a tad as his eyes glint with humor. "But that's how I think of you." 

I raise a skeptical eyebrow, ignoring my heart beating in my chest. "Yuji, I know you're not going to sit here and pretend you've been pining after me for years." 

"Oh, no, I haven't. I've kissed lots of people." He lets out an easy, light-hearted laugh before continuing. "Lost my virginity a couple years back." 

"...Congrats." 

"Thank you." Yuji says it with none of the sarcasm that I offered, but as I raise myself up to a seated position, he follows my lead. "...You're still a virgin though." 

"What?!" I blush furiously, angry as I huff and sputter out quickly. "W-What makes you say that?" 

"...I don't know." Yuji just shrugs before brushing a piece of hair out of my face. "Maybe I was just hoping?" 

"Ew." I shake my head in disgust as Yuji lets out a howl of a laugh, stretching his arms out in front of him as I look behind us up towards the lodge. I'm stuck doing my own pining and hoping, I guess.

"We could make him regret it, you know." My head snaps back to look at Yuji, his face stuck in a permanent smirk. 

"Don't even tell me how you plan to accomplish that." I shake my head and make a motion to stand, but Yuji puts a gentle hand against my knee as he chuckles good-naturedly.

"I'm not going to force you, chill. I was just suggesting it." Yuji shrugs again, easygoing and breezy in a way that narrows my eyes. "You've always seemed like a girl who gets what she wants, so I just couldn't fathom not giving you the option." 

"...You just want to make out with me." 

"Guilty." Yuji's open-mouthed laugh pulls my attention even without intention towards his tongue piercing. He didn't have that the last time we...

"It's fun." My eyes raise almost as fast as my blush as he looks at me with playfully seductive eyes. I don't want to admit that I don't find them as funny as I usually do right now. "I've gotten good reviews at least. It's fun for me." 

I swallow against my dry throat, suddenly nervous. But then I feel a sense of relief before playing my trump card. 

"I feel like I'd be doing you a disservice by not warning you that my brother will probably-" 

"Oh yeah." Yuji snorts and nods his head resolutely with a grin that told me he's already resigned himself to the fact. "Yeah no, I'm getting socked. Still..." A small bout of sincerity shows in the twitch of his lips and the flutter of his lashes. "...Taking a beating seems like a small price to pay. I can't imagine a single person who wouldn't be willing to cough up." 

I bite my lip as I weigh the options, conflicted. I can't believe I am conflicted. There's nothing in me that says this wouldn't be just a simple kiss, and I've kissed plenty of people at parties so it's not like it's my first. But...

"He's not even here to get jealous." I grumble lowly, unable to force Hajime out of my mind. Yuji looks up towards the lodge and looks back at me with a smile that rivals kids on their birthdays. 

"I could bring him!" 

"Yuji, literally do NOT-" 

I pull his arm down harshly to where he's closer than he was before, and he smiles at me mischievously, making my heart pound in my tight chest. He leans in close and my eyes widen, but I don't pull away even as I feel his nose brush against mine, almost making my eyes close. 

"Three...two..." I'm puzzled by his counting against my lips, but I don't understand until it's too late. 

I hear Hajime before I see him, shouting something between a warning and an expletive. I turn towards the sound of someone skiing very haphazardly towards the two of us. I feel Yuji's cold fingers fall from my neck as he starts to back up with a knowing grin, getting up almost seamlessly before laughing and taking off on his snowboard, effort unseen. "You're welcome!" 

I blink as my eyes ping-pong back and forth from Yuji's descending form and Hajime's rapidly approaching one. 

"Is he a devil or an angel?" I mutter under my breath as I watch blonde hair whip in the wind before turning to look at my...

My brother's best friend.

Chapter Text

"Hajime, fucking..." I yell out towards him, cupping my mouth, but once I see how utterly useless this is becoming, I mutter some obscenities before trying once more. "...MOVE YOUR FEET TO THE INSIDE!" 

"WHAT?" 

"INSIDE!" Large and embarrassing hand motions are meant to communicate how to slow down, but he gets the message a little too late for comfort. He's still speeding, albeit a little slower, so I move out over just enough to grab the hood of his jacket to keep him from skiing right past me. He chokes immediately and starts coughing as the wind gets knocked out of him, ending up on his ass, which I, of course, predicted. 

"What the..." More coughs and a hand to his windpipe, tears in his eyes. "What the fuck was that for?!" 

"You're the one who's trying to go down slopes without knowing basic fucking safety!" 

Hajime's brow furrows with annoyance but he's still wheezing from the exertion as I cross my arms and wait impatiently. "I..." 

"You...?" I mock him as I widen my eyes, rolling my hand in a motion that suggests he start to speak. When he doesn't (or can't), I sigh. "Where the hell is Tooru?" I look over his shoulder up towards the lodge's annex where I last saw him, complaining under my breath. "Insane that he's the one that needs to watch you..."

"You're lucky it's me instead of him." Hajime croaks out, but I can tell he wishes he could growl it out instead.

"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"That damn...fucking..." A final cough as he gestures with annoyance down the slope, only now making me remember the "kiss" that was never going to be a kiss in the first place. I think about protesting, but then I figure I should be kind of grateful that Tooru didn't see Yuji fucking around too much. I doubt Yuji would actually get decked, but I didn't want to test out Tooru's limits for a fling when I really should be saving all his grace for the one I actually-

"Oh my god, I think I swallowed a bug." 

"You're fine." I roll my eyes even as my lips want to curl in an endeared smile at Hajime's dramatics. My eyes look down towards the slope as well, feeling exhausted from the day of travel and emotions. The darkening sky and the lack of patrons is comforting and relaxing, and I can't pry my eyes away from the only clear aspect of the moment. The more time and time goes on, I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I'm so fucking tired. 

Hajime's looking up at her with a curious eyebrow raised now that he's finally got air back into his lungs and his body's no longer panicking about dying. Honestly, that whole fiasco was enough to shove his anger to the side. Instead, he suddenly feels a pain in his chest that he wants to alleviate somehow. 

"What are we?" 

She lets out a choked laugh as she turns to look at him with an amused grin before it descends into perturbed confusion when she sees that he's not laughing.

"You can't be serious." 

"...Why not?" Hajime asks but his hands are sweating even in the cold. 

"Because you-" Hajime watches the way her nostrils flare and her entire body tenses with anger and he almost starts to regret that he said anything. But he can't deny that seeing her worked up makes his heart beat faster, his own eyes widening with the surprise. She paces in the snow, trying to calm herself down to no avail, turning back to his dumb face. "You're the one who's always so fucking insistent on what we are!" She yells at him, growing red in the face, the apples of her cheeks already reddened from the cold. 

"W...Well..." 

"W-W-What?" She mocks his stuttering which makes his own cheeks flush, pursing his lips in embarrassment. "What, now you want to act like we're some fucking situationship?" She lets out a bitter laugh, her shoulders shaking with her. "Well, guess what, Hajime? We're not. We're nothing." She continues her chuckle, but it slowly descends into something not funny. Not funny at all as she bites her trembling lip. "Just how you want it." 

It's enough to break Hajime's heart, whispering her name with so much remorse, but she refuses to listen, pointing a strong finger towards him as a warning. "Don't." 

Hajime can't help himself, suddenly hearing his blood pumping loudly in his ears as he says her name with more conviction the second time. It only leads to her growling out her own resolve, moving to stand over him, attempting intimidation. "I said-" 

Hajime doesn't say anything else, interrupting her with a strong tug on her forearm, his other arm moving to wrap around her waist as he pulls her into him, making her gasp and tense with her kneeling between his legs. As soon as he feels her close, his hand on her arm moves to grip the back of her head gently, his face burying in her neck as their chests meet, a deep breath meeting her frozen body.

"...I'm sorry." He murmurs it quietly against her soft skin and he can feel the way her body slumps immediately, resting the side of her head against his as she shivers. They stay there, breathing each other in, trying to still their beating hearts, ignoring the snow that's started to fall. 

That is...until the wind starts.

Somehow I was able to get Hajime down the bunny slope safely, if you don't count the fact that we're basically frozen from the inside out. Hajime looks like he's literally got frosted tips and I'm convinced I have frostbite when we enter the lodge's main lobby. 

"What were you guys doing outside?!" Takahiro, the man who's been on the staff for forever, easily scolds me considering he knew me in diapers. "We sent an alert over the speakers over an hour ago! The snowstorm is..." The older man lets out a whistle and shakes his head in disbelief. Still, I don't have time to entertain the conversation, talking quickly.

"Do you know when the next shuttle is? If that's true, we need to get home as-" 

"No can do." He shakes his head solemnly, running a worrying hand over his balding head. "Last shuttle was 30 minutes ago. So bad, we can't even safely get them back up the mountain." He mutters about harsh working conditions, but my heart's dropped with Hajime's jaw.

"N-No. We can't..." I start digging out my phone, which has had no service on the slopes but has limited data at the moment. I scroll through the multitude of texts from my family, but the most from my brother. Hajime is careful not to touch me, but he leans forward to look over my shoulder with a concerned expression.

"where u at" 

"u seen iwa-chan?"

"bruh"

"dude they're last calling the shuttles. literally where tf are you"

"okay i'm just going to assume you guys were assholes and left me early. if your dead ill kill you"

"srsly dont be dead"

"Oh my god." I start to panic reading the texts he sent me over the last hour and a half. I'm typing out a reply so fast, I start to feel the warmth of blood rushing into my fingers. 

"yes im alive im fine hajime too, are you ok? are you at the cabin"

Then nausea enters my stomach as I see my message sit undelivered in our chat window. I keep clicking on retry, but I see the way my bars have completely disappeared, a crack of thunder closer than before. I look up at Hajime with fear in my eyes but he's ahead of me already, pathetically holding up his dead phone. Which most likely doesn't have service either. Fuck.

"Oh, don't worry, sweetheart." I look up at Takahiro's laughing face, his rough hand patting my back in an attempt to reassure. "The Oikawas' have given us so much business, I'm sure I could find a room for you both." 

The both of us stiffen and slowly turn to each other even as Takahiro quickly goes to check on the vacancy status. We both start a couple incoherent sentences with no clue how they end until Takahiro returns with a couple of key cards and a room number.

Fuck. Me.

"What about us said 'one bed'?" Hajime looks at the room with deadened eyes, already understanding that this night was going to be hell on earth. 

Or heaven.

Hajime shakes his head, hoping to disintegrate his dirty little thoughts as she steps past him to confirm their predicament with her own nervous eyes. 

"No. N-No, I'm sure he just...made a mistake. Let's go down and-" She starts to turn and make a movement to leave the room, but something comes over Hajime. Something he didn't think would rear its head in this lifetime.

He shuts the door behind him effortlessly, his hand still on the doorknob she was reaching for. Her head jerks back in confusion and surprise, slowly raising her gaze up his chest to his eyes, uncomfortably close after trying to leave the room. 

"...What are you doing?" She slowly enunciates and draws the sentence out skeptically as her brow furrows. A couple moments of silence where his eyes are searching hers for answers even though all they offer are questions. Finally, he caves. 

"What happened?" 

"What do you mean?" 

Hajime lets out a slightly incredulous chuckle as his eyes move from her to the bed, keeping his eyes on the bed as his ears tinge pink. "I thought you..." 

She follows his eyes, slowly letting the idea dawn over her and then she turns back to him with offense written in the lines of her face as she takes a disgusted step back from him. "...You think that I'd force you to-" 

"No! God, no." Hajime holds his hands out in confusion, trying to dispel that accusation immediately. "No, I just meant-" 

"What?" She snarls. "You think I'm trying to seduce you?" A bitter chuckle as she gives him a once-over that makes him feel naked already. "Please."

Hajime feels irritation enter his bloodstream, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling as he feels his lips twitch in response. Still he raises his hands up in surrender. "Well, fuck, my bad."

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head as if the very idea was preposterous, but after placing her snowboard against the wall and taking off her coat and boots, he has a hard (very hard) time thinking about anything else when she declares. "I'm taking a shower first." 

Great.

He nods along with his internal dialogue, but his eyes widen when she approaches him quickly, raising a hand out towards him. He feels his heart stutter in his chest and his words reflect that. "Wh-What?" 

"Your shirt." She curls her fingers impatiently in a "gimme" motion. "Take it off." 

"Why the hell would I do that?" He steps past her to take off his own equipment just to avoid looking her in the eyes. What the hell is going on? 

"Because I'm going to sleep in it. Unless you want to see me in my underwear that bad." 

"W-What the fuck are you even saying to-" 

"Hajime." She speaks slowly as she takes a step closer to him, wide eyes that simultaneously belittle him and turn him on. "I've got no pants suitable to wear to bed, yeah?" She nods subtly, encouraging his and much to his chagrin, he gives it like a loyal fucking dog. "And my shirt isn't long enough to cover everything. So..." She lifts a hand to once again persuade him to use his empty brain, and it starts to chug along the track slowly, one cog at a time. 

"...I'm super sweaty." 

"Do I look like I give a fuck?" She tilts her head as she quietly whispers the sentiment, blinking slowly as if he's a cat that needs to be soothed. "Give it to me, Hajime." 

He hates and loves the way that sounds in her mouth, so before he knows it, he's curling his fingers underneath the hem of his black tee shirt, handing it over to her, keeping his hazy eyes on her the entire time. His dick doesn't get the memo that he's not undressing to fuck her, especially not when her eyes move down to study his toned abs and chest from years of volleyball. She must've steeled herself for the view though because she doesn't even blink. 

"Thanks." She grabs the shirt with no fanfare, stepping into the bathroom. Hajime notes the absence of the sound of the lock clicking. 

She's trying to seduce me.

Hajime runs a frustrated hand through his hair, then down his face as he tries to breathe through the uncomfortable weight of his desire spreading through him like a storm of its own. He starts to pace, praying to himself that he's going to be strong enough to make it through the night. He's close to reciting proverbs when he hears the water start to run. 

He's so hard.

I mean...I could-

Nope. No, he was not going to think about turning that doorknob and stepping into the shower, suggesting saving the water. Or maybe he'd talk about the dangers of showering during a storm. Or maybe he'd just put his hands all over her wet, warm skin...

His dick is in his hand before he registers how fucked up that would be. 

How fucked up it would be to rub one out when she's literally less than 10 paces from him. Showering. Washing her hair. Running her fingers across her body, her chest, her legs...

"Fuck." He rasps it quietly under his panting breath, unable to unwrap his fingers from himself, wanting, needing to get her out of his system. It's not like he hasn't done this before, right? These past few months, no matter how hard he tried, she's the only face that gets him off. Even before that, although he hates to admit it.

The Halloween where she borrowed her friend's cheerleading uniform. Her prom dress wasted on some scared little boy. Her graduation gown.

Why was that the one that had him biting his groan into his fist? 

He's some kind of sick pervert. He knows it, and he still can't help from grasping himself tightly, closing his eyes as he imagines all the things he could do to her if he just met her tonight. Take everyone out of the picture but her. Take the history, the meaning out of it, just for one night. But...he likes those things. Knowing her, how special she is...what's sexier than that? He wills his body to cum, paying extra attention to his tip as he feels his body tense with the promise of a climax.

Just do it now. It'll keep me from- 

Hajime fumbles with shoving his swollen erection back into his boxers as he hears the doorknob turn, realizing belatedly that he hadn't heard her turn off the shower over the sound of his blood thundering. 

"All yours." She comments as she rubs a towel into her barely dried hair, the wet droplets sliding down her neck. His eyes trail the way his shirt hangs off her, the lift of her shoulders allowing him an unbridled view of thick thighs and the swatch of color from her underwear-

"Yup." His voice is hoarse as he quickly diverts his eyes, moving past her like lightning, hoping she was too preoccupied to notice any of the incriminating things about him. He shakes his head with a grimace after locking the bathroom door. Then double checking it. Just in case.

"Dumbass." He growls out a reprimand before taking a deep breath, ready to cleanse himself of all his sins with great water pressure. 

He was so hard.

I can't get the shadow of his boner out of my mind. He's huge, I've felt it in my hand, near my mouth, it could be everywhere if he wanted- 

But he doesn't.

I flop backwards onto the bed, not concerned about my lack of pants while he's in the shower, covering my eyes with my forearm as I try to calm myself down. I can't be sure if this is a blessing or a curse in disguise. Was Takahiro lowkey my wingman?

Hajime wants to fuck me, but at the same time, doesn't. 

What girl wants to lose her virginity with that lack of enthusiasm?

I turn over in bed, rubbing my face into the pillow as I feel exhaustion run its sweet fingers down my spine. Maybe I can just pretend like I don't want him. I've done it for years, what's stopping me from doing it tonight? 

The idea that I could convince him tonight.

"No." I say it aloud to remind myself that it would be highly unethical for me to try to convince him now. Sure, it's probably never been a good idea, but he started it! Still, I literally put my foot in my mouth about how I'm not trying to seduce him. I'd just be a liar at this point. I groan into the pillow, deciding that I'm not willing to be rejected again tonight. Being stuck in the same bed with him after being humiliated like that? It'd probably be less painful to freeze in the snowstorm.

I recite mantras and affirmations that I've got more self-respect than throwing myself at my childhood crush. I even go so far to turn off the lights except for the lamp at the bedside, going underneath the covers as if I could pretend to be asleep next to him. 

Yeah, right. 

Soon after, he leaves the bathroom and I can't even bring myself to look in his direction to see his golden tan body, the V of his toned hips and his trail of hair leading straight to his-

I'm turned on even without looking at him. Perfect.

I squeeze my eyes shut extra tight when I hear him pull back the covers on the left side of the bed, shifting himself into the bed, trying to ignore his long legs as they accidentally brush against mine. 

A moment to get settled. 

"...Can I turn this off?"

"I got it!" I interrupt him by lifting a hand towards the lamp, prepared for the blocking I had in my head. But when I open my eyes, he's already reached over me towards the lamp, his strong biceps right at my eyeline. I can't help myself from turning to look at his face, close and whoa...

I rarely get to see his hair this...tame. Heavier with water. His eyes widen at our proximity and the next movement doesn't come from either of us. A rogue water droplet moves from his hair to my cheek, making me flinch and him let out a little snort. 

"You got me wet." I pout as I suppress a smile, but he tilts his head towards me with a taunting grin.

"Not the first time though." I'm trying to think of a response witty enough to cover my flustered state, but he moves his outstretched hand back away from the lamp to gently brush the water away from my cheek, his thumb gently tracing my face even after, reluctant to give up the touch of my skin as his eyes roam my surely red expression. And they land exactly where I want them to, my tongue darting out to unconsciously wet my lips, making his nostrils flare as he exhales in desirous exasperation.

"You're doing it." 

"What?"

"Seducing me." 

Chapter Text

"...One kiss." 

"Nope." 

I sigh shakily as my eyes remained pinned on his lips, which he mirrors back to me, his thumb still brushing against my cheek absently, only confusing my body with the separateness of his words. I nod my chin towards him subtly on a dare. "Just one won't kill you."

"You don't know that." Hajime chuckles, a dark sound as his eyes move back up to mine, our lips close enough to taste the air between as we speak. "I already feel like I'm dying."

"Join the club." 

"...It's rather slow, is it not?" He tilts his head playfully, only making me suppress a giggle in my throat as I raise a skeptical eyebrow.

"Slow and painful. Tragic, really." I sigh dramatically before tilting my head into his hand, hopefully encouraging him. "A kiss might soothe the pain though." 

"You know what else would be slow and painful?" 

"If you mention you-know-who, I swear to god, Hajime-" 

"Being slain by your brother's hand." 

"And there it is." I roll my eyes, grinding my teeth together at the fact that he doesn't listen to me at all. I make a motion to sit up, forcing him back to his side of the bed, the lamp still on painting his face in a shadowed orange light. Why must he be so handsome even when I'm angry as hell? 

"I just-" 

"Hajime." I hold a hand up to silence him as I close my eyes, not wanting to look at him right now after he's pissed me off. "Just shut up." I watch his mouth shut slowly as his eyes flicker around my face, probably deciding whether this was a hill he wanted to die on or not. Instead of witnessing the aggravating display, I twist to finally shut the lamp off, facing the wall instead of the impenetrable one behind me. 

A couple minutes in silence have me wondering if this really is going to be the way our night goes. Displeasure and discontent run through me but so does exhaustion. It's not like he hasn't disappointed me before-

Only a slight shift of his hips makes him brush against me. But it's the one thing I can't bear to touch without igniting my insides with a furious desire for more. The way he doesn't move away or apologize tells me he's not being completely honest either. It's honestly infuriating, no movement either away from or closer to me, just obvious evidence brushing against my back that he wants me. Can this get any worse?

"Stop." I mumble half-heartedly, annoyance running in tandem with desire in my veins. 

"Don't you think I would if I could?" 

"Well then, turn around." 

He sighs but he listens, much to my chagrin. I pretend it's exactly what I wanted, tucking my hands underneath my pillow and scrunching my eyes closed just to be met with another disturbance less than a minute later. 

"Do you ever wonder about the meaning of life?" 

"I wonder about the meaning of this conversation." 

"Ha. You're funny." 

"Okay." I sit up and stare down at him as he turns over just to look up at me, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. "Is there something you'd like to keep bothering me with? Or can I go to sleep?"

"Wait, you're tired? It's only like..." Hajime leans over to stare at the blinking red digital alarm clock. "9:30?!" 

"I actually am tired, yes, Hajime." I sigh as I run a hand down my face, unbelievably perturbed by his lack of tact. "Tired of traveling, tired of babysitting, tired of-" 

"Almost kissing random ski lodge boys." 

Only a small moment of pause for his interruption, before I continue with a little bite. "Almost kissing idiots. One who happens to be in my bed right now." 

"That's not nice." 

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm not nice-" 

"Yeah, actually. You're not." 

"Fuck you." 

"Well, fuck you too." 

"You are so immature." I huff out as I grip the comforter in my fists, trying to keep myself from punching him in his stupid pretty face. 

"Me?" He snorts. "I'm not the one who's trying to make you jealous by making out with loser blondes." 

"Oh, so only loser brunettes for you? Got it." 

I hear his low growl before he sits up to meet me, his breath tickling my lips as his bare chest rises and falls, my whole body stilling with tension. 

"The only loser brunette I want to kiss is you." He lets out a shuddering breath, tainted with irritation before his eyes widen with the realization of how he keeps getting closer and closer to what he's trying so hard to stay away from. Hajime closes his mouth and works it into a tight line as if he can physically shut out the desire. It only gets more difficult when I stare at those same lips with rapt attention, and Hajime quickly protests when he sees the smirk emerging on my own. 

"Don't say that I can, because you know that's not true." 

"Don't say you can't, because we both know that's not true." I counter playfully even though I see the vein in his forehead pronounce his displeasure. I let out a little whimper as I move to shake his muscular biceps, his whole upper body naked and distracting. "Oh, come on! We can just call it practice." 

"Practice for what? My funeral?" 

"No, you dumbass! Like...kissing or something." I mumble, knowing that this is such a lame attempt at making him kiss me but unable to stop myself from pestering him. 

"You don't need practice." He snorts and shakes his head, turning over in bed as if he wasn't the one who insisted on keeping me up. 

"Is that a compliment?" I wiggle my eyebrows as I continue to shake his tense shoulder.

"It's a 'stop trying to kiss me'..." Hajime groans out my name with exasperation, the one I've heard anytime he was feeling fed up with my antics. Doesn't ever really stop them from happening though.

"Well, maybe you need practice." I pout haughtily as I move to cross my arms, and finally let him go, scooting back in the bed until he shoots up, his hair already mussed up from lying on the pillow. I can't help but hide my grin in my hand at his raised eyebrow and offended expression. 

"No, I don't." 

"Mm, you don't use a lot of tongue." 

"That's because I'm not going to be accused of using too much tongue!"

"And you like my bottom lip too much." 

At that point, Hajime can't help his annoyed eyes from darting down to catch a glimpse of my mouth. I feel the way my heart is tittering in my chest, and I find myself easily chewing on my bottom lip as I grin, making him suppress a groan as he sighs heavily. He speaks quietly in a low tone as if that could intimidate me into stopping whatever I'm up to. 

"I don't need practice." 

"Fine." I shrug easily, teasing him as I roll the covers back to expose my legs as if I'm going to peel out of bed. "I'm sure Yuji will-" 

"I'm not going to help you practice just so you can kiss other dudes." Hajime pretends like he didn't hear my threat even though the clench in his jaw says otherwise. "No fucking way." 

I look back at Hajime with widened eyes, my heart thumping in my chest with his display of jealousy. His irritated eyes meet my face and I can see the way his lip juts out as he thoroughly examines my body. He leans forward with a long exhale, gripping the edge of the comforter to toss it back over my bare legs, his ears pink as he rolls his eyes as if it's a hassle. I watch his face even as he crosses his arms as he remains sat up against the headboard, avoiding eye contact with me, stiff and awkward.

I turn around in bed so that I'm facing him more directly, my eyes roaming around his skin and bare chest, feeling my blood singing in my veins and fear release with every breath. I make a subtle movement towards him, but he flinches like his body is pulled taut with mine. My lips upturn as I continue after the observation, my eyes asking what I refuse to continue speaking about.

You're really not going to kiss me? 

His brow lowers as he looks at me with a warning.

No.

Even if I...

The side of my hand brushes against his thigh, the fabric of his boxers the only thing separating me from his concealed want. 

...do this?

Hajime's muscles flex underneath my touch, but he shifts in the bed, turning to look away from me, shaking his head.

No.

"You've got something right..." I whisper quietly under my breath, my voice lilting like a song as I move a hand to his jaw, attempting to turn his head back to me, but he looks at me with lowered eyelids and an incredulous eyebrow. His disbelief is completely warranted, especially when my smile brightens my face and my fingers move to cradle his ear and feel the texture of his thick hair curling as it dries. "...here..."

"Sure." 

I bite my lip as I try not to chuckle at his resigned expression to play along with my scheme. His lie detector is always perfectly calibrated to me which is sometimes infuriating, but I just slowly move my fingers up into his hair, damper as I move towards the back of his head. I'm close enough to watch his tired eyes look at my face with an annoyance saved for me, but I hear the way his breathing picks up as I continue to massage his scalp with my fingers, the pressure rising with his hackles. He says my name hoarsely as a weak attempt to get me to stop, but unfortunately for him, the way he says it turns me on. 

So much.

Hajime feels his boner pulsing with his heart beat as her fingers run through his rough hair, and he has to get her to stop or else-

Hajime's eyes widen as they catch on the movement under the blanket. Her fingers are making his head tilt towards her, even though he has every intention of remaining strong, but oh my god...

She's getting off to this. To him. 

Hajime watches and feels the way her hips are digging into their bed, soft shaking breaths coming out through her flaring nostrils as her face reddens. He's not sure if he's dreaming this shit up so he just watches her as frozen as possible, wanting to make sure he's not the one unconsciously rocking his hips. She doesn't seem to mind his voyeurism because she lets out a soft chuckle or moan, anyone's guess, but his dick votes for moan as it jumps to attention. 

"Jesus Christ..." Hajime swallows the rest of his curses as he feels the shuddering of her thighs brushing against his and it takes everything in him not to join this little disturbing scene by grabbing his cock. He tries to sate his hunger for her by doing the only thing he knows how. "How the fuck are you not embarrassed right now?" 

She doesn't pay his mocking any mind, but it gives her the opportunity to slip her fingers out of his hair to his jaw and then to his lips, her eyelids lowering with pleasure. "I am. This is..." She bites her lip to stifle some unseemly noises. "...a new low for me." 

Her admission is the last straw.

"God...damnit." 

He grabs the back of her neck, but he doesn't do what she thinks he'll do. He bypasses kissing her by using his other hand to grab her thigh and make her straddle his. The thickness of his thigh against her hot pussy is enough to make her whimper immediately as she takes a second to realize what she's gotten as a consolation prize. Hajime's not patient enough for that, moving his hand to her ass to rub her against him harshly, making her shiver. He can't help but groan with the heat and friction, so close to his dick but far enough that he's somehow still managing to hold on by a thread of hope that this doesn't end up where he thinks it'll go. 

"...Now who's seducing who?" Her head tilts forward as she murmurs the words with a sly grin, the ghosting of her lips making his mouth open in a pant. It's almost a kiss, but not enough of one to have him move back in protest. Instead, he swallows against a dry throat, his pulse tripping over itself when she watches his Adam's apple. 

"Un-fucking-believable." He grits out like he's angry despite the fact that he's pressing his thigh against her roughly as if he could just fuck her like this. Feeling her heated thighs ride the muscled tension of his own was never a dream he'd had, but god, he should have. He could probably cum just watching her. The way she's shaking and holding onto his biceps as he tightens his grasp on her hips, his own shirt lapping at her waist. 

"You're so sexy." He growls it out like an accusation which it might as well have been. He's so hot right now, he can't tell if he's pissed or turned on, but probably both. 

"Oh my god." I moan out, my hand moving from his bicep to find his cock as my pleasure starts to climb. I find him easily, large and hot, but before I can get my hands on the package, he groans and grabs my hand with a sharpness in his voice.

"Don't touch me." 

I moan but I keep shifting along his thigh, my clit enjoying the attention and as much as I hate it, the sound of his voice when he's not giving me what I want only furthers the high I'm chasing. I whimper but I lean forward to stick my tongue in the dip between his collarbone and his neck, and that achieves...something.

Hajime wraps his arm around my back to adjust me so that I'm now grinding against his fabric-clad erection, my pussy demanding removal of all obstacles as I whimper and ride the friction he's pressing up into me. He lets out his own soft whine as his body jumps with the sensation, my fingers gliding across the nape of his neck as my mouth parts with each moan replacing my exhales.

"You want my cock that bad?" 

I nod frantically, panting out my desperate need since I'm obviously too far gone to care.

"Yes." I swallow. "Yes. Fuck me." 

Hajime lets out a heavy groan, his fingers sliding past my underwear to dip into my heat, making me gasp and shudder, even when he quickly brings them back to his lips, sucking them clean. 

"Nah, I don't think I will." 

He chuckles darkly even when I whimper in dissatisfaction, but he continues as he places the same hand underneath his shirt that I'm wearing, caressing my chest as it perks under his touch. 

"I wonder how many times you could come in one night." His other hand keeps my hips rocking against his hardness, my clit buzzing with excitement as he muses lazily. "Without me even fucking you." 

I shake my head desperately, not wanting him to entertain the very delicious yet evil thought, but he just clicks his tongue at me with a chiding smile. 

"How many times just from thinking about me?" Hajime's breath shudders in his chest, betraying him by letting me know he's just as turned on as I am now. I moan as my body jolts with the pulsing sensation of his throbbing boner against my soaked underwear. I can only moan as a cruel highlight reel plays in my head from puberty to now. How many times have I touched myself to completion from the look in his eyes, the veins in his arms, his crooked smile...

Hajime purrs my name, a hand moving into my sweat-soaked hair to bring my attention back to him, murmuring against my lips as he tilts his hips up to rub my clit thoroughly. "Dirty little girl." 

"Hajime..." I breathe out as a plea, shaking with pleasure and nerves and unending desire for him, nearing my orgasm. "What can I do...?" 

"Hm?" He's groaning softly in my ear as he keeps a firm rhythm against my cunt, grabbing my ass to maneuver me perfectly against his own want.

"I need you to fuck me." I can almost feel tears of frustration spring into the corners of my eyes, not wanting to come even once more in his arms if I can't have him fully. "Tonight. Now." I shiver as I beg quietly. "Please." 

Hajime must feel the strange shift because he pulls back to look at my face with a bewildered expression, suddenly stopping his hips as his hands come to cup my cheeks, which I don't realize are wet until he does so. His eyes are darting around my face with concern, trying to meet mine. "What's wrong?" 

"N-Nothing, I just..." I shake my head and plaster on a twitchy smile, determined not to descend into madness, knowing that will absolutely ruin this moment. A moment I need. "Let's do it." 

Hajime's shoulders fall as he looks at me with unwanted sympathy, a hand moving to tuck some hair behind my ear. "You know we can't." 

My lip trembles as I feel my world collapse again with the notion that he really isn't going to cave. He'll touch me, make me come, make me delirious over him, but he won't have me. 

No. 

I bite my lip as I feel my heart breaking.

He doesn't want me. 

Hajime knows he screwed up. Because how could he not have if she's crying? 

He says her name softly, wanting to bring her back from whatever devastating thing is going on in her head. Hajime only grows more and more panicked when she climbs off of his lap to get further away from him. He grasps her arms, trying to get her attention but the way she's shaking is anxiety-ridden and he can't stop worrying. The guilt eats at his inhibitions and he can't think of anything else to do but to...

He gently but firmly places his lips on hers. A declaration. I'm here. An invitation. See me? 

He pulls back from her, trying to see how that was received: if he's a complete douche taking advantage of her vulnerable state or not. She looks up at him slowly with big shiny eyes, red-rimmed from the thoughts swimming in her head from his choices. And just like she heard his unspoken thoughts, he hears hers. 

A slow hand finds the back of her neck, and he tilts his head carefully to angle his lips against hers, his eyes watching hers close just to make sure she's saying yes. Yes to this. To him.

He's got to give it to her; he does love her bottom lip. It's soft and full and always there, pouting for his attention. She opens her mouth against his and he follows suit, letting his tongue glide against hers, firm but gentler than he has ever kissed her before. She's precious to him, how could she not see that? 

His frustration melts into his warm long fingertips as he twists towards her, halfway hovering over her as she lies back, slowly trailing underneath his shirt to caress her sides and chest, making air stutter in his lungs. She sits up with his touch, her own hands wrapping around his back to cling to him, fingernails digging gently into his shoulder blades, making his eyes open in surprise.

She's so beautiful.

He follows her lead by moving his hands up her back to trace her spine, making her shiver as she softly moans against his mouth. He pulls back the tiniest amount with a few short kisses on her lips, looking into her half-lidded eyes as she nods at him bashfully. With the permission, he gently tugs the shirt over and off of her, breathing her in more fully. He's speechless, and he suddenly has the thought. 

Why would I ever be afraid of this?

Hajime gently guides her to lie back down, kissing her neck softly as he does so, not wanting space between them anymore. Chest against chest, his fingers find the barriers between them, taking care of it all. He feels the way she's shaking and he just knows he is too. Because this isn't a "bad decision" like he thought it was.

It's the only one. 

Chapter Text

I feel a combination of desire, guilt, anxiety, and embarrassment tumbling around in my stomach as I look up into his dark brown eyes. I feel frozen and he seems to understand because he moves his hand up along beside my head to stroke my hair affectionately, soothingly. 

"...Talk to me."

Hajime's voice is smooth with a low rasp, quiet as he tries not to spook me. Part of me feels like swooning because of the careful way he's treating me, and the other part makes me feel like a stupid fucking baby for ruining the mood. I purse my lip and focus on a spot over his shoulder as I try to untangle all of the emotions swirling inside of-

"Hey." Hajime moves his hand to cup my jaw, stroking his thumb along my flushed skin, garnering my attention once more with a small smile. "It's just me." 

I feel myself swallow against a dry throat and suddenly Hajime can't help but laugh a little too loud for comfort, making me jump.

"Sorry! Sorry..." He chuckles some more before placing his hands at my shoulders, rubbing warmth into them encouragingly. "I just don't think I've ever seen you so..."

"So what?" I raise an eyebrow, prickling at him laughing at me.

"Quiet." He grins before gathering me up in his arms, no longer interested in at least pretending not to baby me. I let out a little moan of annoyance as he pulls me into his lap easily, reversing our positions so that he can rest against the headboard. I feel overexposed for only a moment before he grabs the comforter to drape over us, making me feel almost swaddled.

"I'm not a baby." I grumble as he leans down to plant some affectionate kisses on my cheek, making it hard to suppress my smile and keep up a bad attitude. 

"I know you're not." Hajime continues to hold me tighter and kiss me regardless, pecks all across my face and on my shoulder as he lightly brushes his fingertips against my thigh. I almost want to keep up the protest, but I sigh into the safety of his arms, even if it's probably humiliating to be caught at my worst time by him. So utterly undone by how much I like him. He probably doesn't even feel the-

"You are so in your head right now." Hajime chuckles as he nuzzles his head into my neck. "You're acting like me." 

"So I look broody and hot then?" 

"Of fucking course." 

I don't believe him at all but he laughs easily and brings his hand up to my back to tickle my shoulder blades lightly, making me shiver. Hajime just cradles me like that for a couple of silent minutes and for a moment, I wonder if he's fallen asleep until he says quietly. "I'm scared." 

"Hm?" I'm actually pretty certain I was the one close to falling asleep when I hear his declaration. I turn to try to get a better look at his face, but he just gently glides me down onto the bed, moving to spoon me with a heavy sigh. Still, after that cryptic statement, I grow concerned. "What'd you say?" 

I can tell he's unsure of himself and whether he wants to repeat himself, mumbling into the nape of my neck as if he could pretend his confession could absorb into my skin rather than my brain. I'm not even sure I want to press tonight, especially the emotional heights we've only just come down from. Instead, I turn in his arms, looking into dark shiny eyes that widen with the fear he doesn't want to put in words once more. My hand moves to cradle his chin and jaw, smiling softly.

"It's just me." 

I whisper his earlier words back to him, reminding him that we're not strangers. We're not even just friends. And it's not some sort of stupid mentorship or brotherhood that he's making up in his head. We're equals. 

I lean forward to press soft lips against his, and I'm not meant with any resistance. Well, not much. The most resistance he gives is obvious in the way his chest heaves, the way I feel his breathing break apart in his throat with attempting to keep himself from groaning. It's a delicious thing that I feel grows only more simultaneously with his erection pressing against my warm thighs. I'm not sure what he's expecting from me, but he's crazy if he thinks I can keep my hands to myself any longer when he starts to climb on top of me. I wrap nervous fingers around his thick penis, making him shake, my eyes widening at the quick reaction. I'm not so inexperienced that I've never had my hands on a guy before, but Hajime's is another story. It's intimidating, but I don't think anything at this point could get me to change my mind with my want eating away at my insides. 

I feel my own hips lift involuntarily like his dick is some heat-seeking missile and when I hear the soft sound exit Hajime's throat, I quickly realize something: he's letting me. Every time before this, every kiss and touch felt like something I taunted him into doing, and he would take control as if I needed to be wrangled. Hands held down, hips pinned down, commands to get me off in more ways than one. But tonight, his large hands shake as they trace my soft skin like we have all the time in the world. 

I feel his hands impatiently pull my legs open to put his body in between them, warmth and sensation making me shiver as I let out a little moan. Hajime looks up at my face through his eyelashes, folded down on his cheeks with pleasure as his lips press soft kisses against my collarbone and down my chest. I can tell from the shifting that he's watching me more intently than he has before, making me flush under the strange new attention. Surprisingly, I feel more at the mercy of his whims now than when he was holding me down against walls and beds and-

A gasp or moan exits my throat along with my thoughts when I feel his tongue softly lapping at my clit, the flat of his tongue gliding against the apex of my thighs. My hands immediately grip into his short damp hair, something that only seems to encourage him as his hazy eyes look back up at me, my heels digging into his back as he adjusts my legs to give him more access to my desire. His full lips press long languid kisses against my clit, before he lets his tongue delve inside of me, already feeling my impatient cunt reward him with pulses of want on his tongue. As he gets more and more confident with my enjoyment, I feel his strong nose stroke my clit with his heavy direction until I'm already feeling high enough that I could come now, but Hajime feels the way I clench around his tongue, almost as if I'm trying to hold off.

"Hajime..." I whine it softly under my breath, my lungs not allowing a full sentence, but when he raises his face painted with the evidence of his hard work, he just understands. He raises himself up from between my thighs, pressing his hot tongue against my throat, working his way back up to the lobe of my ear as his fingers gently tease the seam of my pussy. I'm shifting so much underneath him but he's so solid, murmuring direction in my ear.

"You're so wet..." He purses his lips as his nostrils flare when I whimper as he slowly inserts his long pointer and middle finger deep inside of my cunt, testing how far my body's going to prove to him I want him more than words can express. I'm not surprised to find my whole body quivering and passing with flying colors when he slowly withdraws his fingers. His lips move from my ear to trail kisses down to my lips, kissing them softly, the fingers that are not between my thighs moving to caress my cheekbones and brush against my ear as sensitive coincidence. He stops kissing me just for a moment to raise his head only an inch to peer into my dark eyes, flickering between both as his breath whispers against my reddened lips. "We really don't have to-" 

"Stop talking." I shake my head at him, making him smile as our noses brush against each other with the soft action. "I'll say it in no uncertain terms for you." I run my own hand down Hajime's chest before reaching between my thighs to line myself up with his thick cock, already slick from his own pre-cum just from eating me out. I hear and feel the heavy vibration in his chest when he groans as I rub his tip against my cunt, murmuring against his mouth. "Yes. I want this. I want you." I feel my own fingers shake, my own nerves and excitement intertwining with finally, finally getting to fuck him. And not just anyone. Him. "Now, if you ask me again, I'm going to stuff a sock in your mouth." I raise a playful eyebrow at him as he chuckles darkly at my threat. "Got it?" 

"Yes, ma'am." In case I didn't believe him, he takes the initiative of pushing his pulsing hot tip inside of my needy pussy, already sucking him in closer as if gravity beckons him to be entirely sheathed inside me. I gasp open-mouthed, my breathing shallow with the new sensation of pressure as I stretch, adjusting for his large cock. As if my gasp was distracting, Hajime quickly muffles the sound with his groan inside of my mouth, his teeth gently biting down on my bottom lip as if he's getting a bone set rather than a boner rubbing against my heat. I don't have the brainpower to feel offended when the slight pain of his sharp canine against my lip makes my hips tilt upwards, enough for his hands to grip my ass with fervor. I feel my whole body spread out like a picnic for him and I whimper as I strain against his huge erection, feeling him reach that sweet spot only guys like him can. My clit buzzes with the feeling of his happy trail finally meeting my hips, his breathing suddenly overwhelming both of us when he lets his penis soak covered in my deliciously clenched pussy. 

"Holy fuck, you're so tight." Hajime says it all in a rush, like he's going to die of asphyxiation the minute he says those last words. I let out an unbridled laugh, loud and it sends vibrations right down to our connection, making his large hands grasp the headboard, shaking his head as his veins pulse with desire. He can't laugh for fear of losing it, clenching his teeth as if it takes a substantial amount of self-control not to have this all end right now. "Don't make me laugh, I'll cum." 

"Really?" I laugh but apparently, it's not just him who isn't allowed to, because he places a soft but firm thumb against the flat of my tongue, stroking it like it's his cock. I look up at his red face, flushed and desperate as he watches the way I close my lips around his finger, making his dick jump deep inside of me, my hips shifting making his pull back enough for his whole body to jerk. The sound of his vulnerable side, the masculinity slipping away with any of his control only makes me want him all the more. I moan and release his finger when he slowly drags his heavy swollen cock out of my pussy, the sound so obscene from the build-up we've built in each other. He whimpers as he moves his scrunched up expression down to stare at his penis reappear, only to want my cunt before he could fully remove it, shoving inside me harshly, my back arching with the unexpected movement. 

"Jesus..." I pant out with him as he watches the sweat build at my temple. "Your dick's too big to be-" 

"Oh fuck, stop talking." I look up at Hajime rather than down at our hips just to see the way his eyes lull up to the ceiling, simultaneously making this look like a chore, an exorcism, and a resurrection all at once. He lets out some staggered moans before he repositions himself with his arms on either side of my head, overtaking me as he stares at me with an intoxicated expression. "I'm so close already. I'm sorry but you have to ride." 

"Ride...?" I don't know why I'm so confused, maybe it's because the look on his face was so apologetic and I wouldn't consider a new position a punishment, but he pulls out of me so fast, I groan with surprise and the empty feeling left inside while my legs tremble. Hajime sits back but he pulls me with him, his strong arms able to maneuver me around with no effort as he makes me straddle him. My chest is against his chest as he lets out a heavy breath, relief replacing arousal just enough for him to feel safe. I can't say I hate the new position, now able to look down at him the slightest amount, studying his features as I move an exploratory hand through damp hair, not able to dry completely when he's starting to sweat. His eyes look up to meet mine, now with a raised eyebrow as I bring both hands to push up and through his strands. The sensation just feels so...

"So good." Hajime leans into the touch, murmuring his agreement with the unspoken before he brings a hand up to cup mine, kissing my wrist as he looks up at me with bedroom eyes. Dark and dangerous, but honestly, a little silly because it's just the boy next door. Still, the neighborhood kid moves his lips from my wrist to my neck, pulling my hair off to the side gently to give himself more access, the other hand slipping down to lightly trace my hips and ass. I start to giggle with the tickling sensation which makes him smile against my neck, pressing his teeth against my pulse as a playful admonishment, before shifting underneath me, positioning me against his aching cock. 

"I...I don't know how to..." I mention with a slight strain in my voice, nerves and embarrassment starting to caress my collarbone along with his lips. 

"No, I know." Hajime rumbles against my chest. "It's why I'm making you do it." 

"W-Why?" I scoff even though he's decided to focus on teasing me and probably himself by sticking his tip in and out of my tight cunt. "Are you trying to embarrass-" 

"No." He hisses out when I sink a little too far down, making him grunt with pleasure, a little frustrated with his lack of ability to explain and my inability to understand. "I'm going to fucking cum soon and I'm trying..." He whines out as I finally slowly move down his dick, making both of us shake as he breathes out the rest of his sentence. "...to last so that this is good for you." 

"Okay." I nod as my breath escapes me in what I hope is a word, my brows furrowing together with pleasure as I feel my body flush with being filled by his hot length. "It's good." 

"Yeah?" He laughs which makes me moan as I feel the vibration against my core. I lose all feeling in my legs as I melt against the sound of his joy, which only makes his size that more expansive as I feel it deep inside me, making me shift on his lap with the overwhelming pleasure. He keeps his large hands on my hips, thumbs brushing against my back dimples as reassurance. "You feel so good."

I let out a soft moan as I bury my face into his neck, breathing heavily as my fingers twitch against his biceps, any movement sending jolts of sensation through my skin, my whole body buzzing with the promise of orgasm. 

"You okay?" Hajime is murmuring in my ear, trying to sound as unaffected as possible, but even he can't help his hips from grinding against mine for more even though I'm completely sat on his dick. I nod, trying to prove my point by raising my hips slightly, feeling and hearing him slide out of me in such a grotesque display of arousal that it makes us both groan, panting at the need to sink back down on him once more. 

"This is kind of hard." I comment, my body already tired as I squirm in his lap. Honestly, I could probably come just like this, and it's a lot of energy to ride. Hajime pouts but he puts his hands on my ass as he guides me up to the tip of his dick with a fluid movement, my mouth whining at the sudden loss and the anticipation of having him slam into me again. When he fulfills the unsaid promise, I feel my body convulse with the need to come. Hajime must sense it too because instead of responding with some kind of teasing comment, his own breathing matches mine, one hand around my waist as the other starts to thrust me down on his stiff erection, making me bounce and slide on the thick cock he's been withholding from me. It's easy, considering the evidence of my arousal is so potent I feel it dampening both of our thighs as Hajime grunts, looking up at me with a determined expression, his tongue licking at his bottom lip as he pounds me at a new angle that hits spots I didn't even know I had deep in my pussy. 

"Oh my god." I moan out in a slightly delirious octave, my eyes rolling back in my head as I pull at his hair, making him groan with pain and pleasure intertwined. He gets frustrated when our alignment slips for a moment, his hand hasty and desperate as he spreads my thighs wider to get me to rock harder and further on his cock, my whole body shaking as I feel myself edge towards the precipice. He even gets frantic to the point of his lips tugging on my hard nipple, the other hand moving to rub my slick arousal against my clit giving his dick a breather while he lets himself remain completely inside me, making me come almost instantly while I moan his name in quick succession.

"Hajime..." I moan it pathetically against his lips, but he just removes his hand from my clit in favor of pressing my ass closer to his hips, making his boner rub against my deep-seated pleasure, my whole body convulsing and jerking as I cry out with my orgasm, his eyes looking up my throat to savor it. Hajime's hands move firmly up my back, one hand landing at the back of my neck to steady my head as I throb and jerk against his dick, the other hand keeping me planted on his lap as he lets me ride out the pleasure close to him. Not rough and demanding I keep it going. Just...being here in his arms while I move like a puppet on a string thanks to his machinations.

It feels so good, so right, my muscles tensing and relaxing against his cock and his hard body, that I feel my cup being filled with pure and unbridled joy. I'm sitting here, in his arms, all of us connected for the first time in probably forever. Hajime listens to my heart beating as I watch air move in and out of his open-mouthed panting, like watching me has him on the edge as well. When I tilt my frizzy-haired head back towards him as I feel the soft releases and sensitivities coming down from my climax, I put my fluid and relaxed fingertips against his mouth, my forehead touching his as I whisper.

"Your turn." 

Hajime's smile is almost boyish, like I offered him an early Christmas present. Well, I guess...maybe I literally have. However, it only takes my soft, slow languid and thorough raises of hips spent to have him hanging on by a thread. He's moving like an ocean underneath me, making my hands clasp the nape of his neck as I feel my body rejoice in the thrumming pleasure before I feel the way his back tenses, his grunts becoming more and more whine-like until I'm certain he's on the edge. His hands are hot and his chest is flushed and I feel the tightness of my pussy squeeze him until his body jerks with the attention. I'm moaning just from the idea of him cumming, ready to give him all that he's given me tonight, and more. 

"Cum for me." I moan it as my lips brush against his, my tongue swiping at his bottom lip as he continues to thrust inside of me, my cunt making noises that rival his. It almost seems like he'll be a good listener, and my hips make my insistence known as they rock against his, when I hear him croak out a response. 

"No." 

I don't stop, expecting him to take it back or chuckle and pretend that he didn't say it, but when I feel his fingers twitch on my hips, a wave of panic hits me, making me pull back to look at his face. "What do you mean?" 

"I can't." Hajime's face is contorted in a way that concerns me, flushed and panting as he shakes his head at me, but his hips seem to subconsciously disagree, still pulsing his length deep inside me, his tip hitting deep within as I jolt, weak in the knees. 

"What do you mean you can't?" My eyes scan his features for information, and they stumble upon something I didn't think I would see. Not now.

"I'm in love with you." Hajime's lip trembles before the tears that were sitting dormant in the corners of his eyes start to make their descent onto my fingers, my eyes widened from shock at their presence at all. I'm not sure how his body can keep going, so insistently but I feel him deep inside me, my heart swelling and my body full. I can't say anything at all even as my jaw drops slightly with the development. "What now?" 

The sound is so broken, helpless, and vulnerable that I can't stop staring at his lips twisted in a bittersweet smile. The words are asked as a genuine plea, a question he's begging for the answers to. But my mouth can't do anything but gasp when I feel a strong, raw thrust of his hips deep inside me, filling me with more than I bargained for, more than I planned for. It feels good and cathartic, yet miserable when his tears stain those beautiful tan cheeks, slightly set in a pleased grimace from releasing all that he was keeping from me and himself. Between us for both of us to hold. 

After Hajime's shoulders start to relax and his breathing returns to something resembling normal, his eyes look away in shame, my hands cold from nerves as I wonder what he wants me to do. Right when it occurs to me that I could just offer him the same, I open my mouth, leaning forward to catch his eye, moving my fingers to his neck as I angle him closer.

"Hajime-" 

"Why don't you guys answer your fucking phones?"

Tooru's sighing dramatically as he walks around the corner to the bed, ready to rip us a new one just as the beep from the hotel card goes out and the door shuts firmly. "Lucky for you, I..."

All three of us are frozen despite being inside.

The wind and thunder howl outside to mock us.

Chapter Text

Hajime is not sure whether he should cling to her or act as if he never touched her in the first place. The second one has got to be some sad delusional solution that his brain is trying to come up with after his orgasm, horribly irrational and impossible to conceal. He really is frozen even when some strange sound exits her throat, seemingly jump-starting all of their brains into action once more, her scrambling off his lap to grab at the covers, the room still in darkness, thank god. 

"Oh my god." Tooru says the expression like it's all one word as he covers his eyes with both of his hands, making a gagging sound, a similarly disgusted sound bubbling up in his throat, only more evidence of their shared DNA. Hajime tries to fish around for a shirt and then of course, it must be on the ground because he took it off her warm body-

"Okay, well." Tooru keeps his eyes covered even when his voice adopts a tone of benevolent distance, throwing his other hand over his shoulder.  "I'm going to go outside, before I literally throw up. You guys are going to get dressed. And Iwa-chan..." Hajime feels his whole body tense as he also feels the urge to upheave all of his food, just like he's done with his life. "...I'm going to give you two minutes." The implication was there. Hajime didn't need to say a confirmation before Tooru nods, still unseeing as he gropes towards the exit, stumbling slightly as he throws open the hotel room door.

I'm dead.

It doesn't matter that she begged him to stay. That it was something they would deal with in the morning. That Tooru could go fuck himself. That she would talk to him herself. That it was between siblings. 

No.

Hajime solidified his resolve as he closed the hotel door, hand on the knob as he hears the lock softly click into place, leaving her in the room to stew by herself. 

This is between brothers. 

Tooru is leaning against the opposing wall of the hotel room, idly scrolling on his phone as if this was a normal day for him. As if nothing had just scarred him or that anything had changed in his mind. It confounded Hajime for just a moment before Tooru nodded a couple times, sticking his phone in his back pocket with a slightly exasperated sigh. 

"Alright." Tooru looks up at Hajime with a tight-lipped smile not reaching his eyes. "You ready to get your ass kicked?" 

Hajime swallowed before opening his mouth, not sure what to say. Maybe his perception of threat made his mouth move to hopefully appeal to Tooru's pathos by saying his name, but he doesn't even get the chance to.

"I'm not listening to you, Hajime." Wow, Hajime feels the words like a slap in the face, before Tooru even gets contact. Tooru never calls him by his name, or at least very rarely. This felt strange, personal, and fucking deserved. Tooru looks at Hajime's strained face with no amount of sympathy, nodding his head towards the elevator that leads to the lobby. Hajime looks back to Tooru's face, who nods ridiculously slowly, and Hajime isn't sure if he should laugh at the display. He takes one last glance at Tooru's golden eyes, sharp.

Okay, yup, definitely shouldn't laugh and definitely should get in the elevator. 

Hajime almost slinks along, unsure of what he's going to do while they make their way to the metal contraption. Try to convince him? Just let him beat his ass and hope for survival? Or fight him back?

Those thoughts are interrupted just as the elevator doors close as smoothly as they can, and Hajime's shirt collar ends up in a vice grip in Tooru's hand. Hajime only gets a glimpse of Tooru's cold dead psycho eyes before he sees recognizable memories flashing through his mind. He's caught that look before, but he's never truly been the recipient. Tooru got this freakishly focused on matches with Karasuno or Shiratorizawa, and the times he's felt blood lust radiating off of his best friend. When Tobio asked for help to learn Oikawa's serves, when upperclassmen said anything about his sister, but those were rare instances. After witnessing so many of those times and having to bring his best friend back down to reality, he had sworn subconsciously that he would never be the reason he looked like that.

And so, he was unprepared.

Hajime tastes blood before he feels the bruising on his cheek, Tooru's fist unwavering. Hajime instinctively wraps a hand around Tooru's wrist at his collar, coughing as bile rises up his throat but Tooru's laugh is cold as ice, his Adam's apple bobbing with his hinges popping out of place.

"Oh, no, you don't." Tooru almost clicks his tongue at Hajime's pure bodily reaction to being hurt, acting as if Hajime was purposefully avoiding his punishment. "You're going to take it like a man, aren't you?" Tooru shakes out his fist that's already bruising, a mean chuckle leaving his mouth. "Because you know you deserve it." 

"Tooru-" 

Tooru shuts his best friend up with another punch, this one making Hajime's ears ring, every heart beat feeling as though it was pulsing right up in his face. 

Oh my god, am I really going to-

The elevator dings and Tooru's grasp disappears as he straightens on the other side of the elevator, brushing off his jacket while Hajime gulps air even when it stings the cut on his lip. Hajime's halfway to the floor, crumpled from Tooru's towering form and attention when a shaky old man slowly strolls in, not fazed at all. 

"Which floor, sir?" Tooru's blind charm makes the old man mumble some thanks as they all descend into the lobby together. Hajime's eyes aren't functioning, or at least, it feels like they're not with how strange the scene is. Hajime slowly attempts to straighten, feeling slightly embarrassed at his state, but it feels like a fever dream, as if he's the odd one out as no one bats an eye. Tooru even waits and holds his bruised hand against the elevator doors for the delay of the old man's wobbling exit. Hajime has finally gotten his breath under control, well, as much as he can with the fear pulling at every tendon, feeling as though his capillaries have all burst in his lungs like he ran a marathon.

After the interloper dispersed, Tooru's hand once again grabs Hajime's collar, dragging him down the hall of the unfamiliar resort, at least to him. Hajime uncharacteristically stutters, a hand grabbing at Tooru's grip, panicked. "W-Wait, Tooru-" 

"Wait, huh?" Tooru's whole demeanor is so off-putting that Hajime doesn't sense the camaraderie that they usually have, the only thing he thought maybe he could cling to if it ever came to this. "Just like how you waited until I was gone to get your hands on my sister?" Tooru stops in the hallway, making Hajime trip over his feet as he contemplates suddenly. "Or maybe...how you waited for her 18th birthday?" Hajime grimaces immediately with the implication but it's replaced by the stinging of his hair being pulled harshly, Tooru's height intimidating him as he stares into his eyes vacantly. "How long have you been fucking her?" 

"N-No-" 

"Don't fucking lie to me, because I'll make it painful." 

"No." Hajime quickly shakes his head, even as it pounds with being thrown around like a damn ragdoll. Tooru's perfect eyebrow shoots up. "No, that was the first-"

"Oh my fucking..." Tooru grunts like he wasn't expecting it to hurt as bad as it did, nor how nauseous it made him. "...so you really did?" Tooru lets out a dark, bitter laugh as he lets go of Hajime's shirt, apparently trusting that Hajime wouldn't bolt. He would be right. 

Tooru runs a hand through the long brown strands, inadvertently making Hajime think of someone else's very similar hair type. What the hell is wrong with him? "I was holding out hope for some dumb fucking anime moment where you guys tripped into bed or something..." Tooru's throat makes its disgust known, the same disgust turning its host pale as a ghost. 

Now that Hajime's been given a single second to think, he knows that he could at least hold his own on a fight with Tooru. Sure, his best friend had height and fuck, he could pack a punch, have you seen his serves? But Hajime was built too and he had that cool little thing called "survival instincts". The problem was...Hajime knew deep in his heart, he felt Tooru's worries like his own. His anger, his frustration, his disgust, Hajime feels it burrowing under his skin. It feels validated with the punishment. Hajime sniffs, tastes the blood, then wipes his nose, all while staring at the floor beside Tooru's shoes, wondering when they'll pick it back up.

"How long?"

Tooru's whisper was vulnerable and betrayed, and Hajime knew he couldn't play with semantics or details. Why he thought Tooru would care about specifics was beyond his comprehension now. 

"...Since October." 

"Three..." Tooru lifts his heavy body to stare heavy-lidded at his best friend. If he could be called that anymore. "Three fucking months?" 

"...I didn't think-"

"No, you really fucking didn't, did you?" Tooru's face twists before he shakes it like he can't shake the nightmare away. Tooru throws his hands out in a challenge, one he knows that Hajime can't win. "What, did you think I wouldn't find out?"

Hajime clenches his jaw, unsure of what to say, but luckily Tooru doesn't suffer the same condition. "That I wouldn't care? That since it's your dick getting wet, she was free game?" Tooru seems to make himself sick from the way he talks about them, which, fair, but he runs his hands through his hair, still somehow falling perfectly when he gasps and Hajime's heart rate picks up once more. "You..." Tooru's eyes widen before narrowing in a way that makes Hajime's stomach twist in dread. "The hickeys, dude?" 

Hajime winces. Okay, so maybe the details do matter as long as they lead to the conclusion that Hajime is the worst friend in existence. Tooru's face rears back in absolute revulsion. "Ugh, you do like them! You told me that!" Tooru's voice goes shrill as he points at him, the whole statement making this conversation balance on the tightrope of being so intimately close to your friends that they know all of your dark and dirty secrets, and the accusation now. That he is positively gross for sharing it in the first place. The expression on Tooru's face only confirms it, so close to being amused before dipping into disbelief, his hands raking through his hair as he halfway speaks to himself. "How did I not see it?" 

Hajime's not sure how to answer. Because in all honesty, he's not sure either. Maybe they were both doing their best to try to avoid the inevitable. So he doesn't, he swallows against the scratchy lump in his throat, insistent on sticking around.

"The party?" Tooru now looks at Hajime like he's a foreign entity, some kind of alien who came to take advantage of his own flesh and blood. "Dude, she was fucking wasted!"

"No, I swear I would never-" 

"Shut the fuck up." Tooru shakes his head at him, his jaw clenched so tight, Hajime wondered if his teeth would be sore in the morning. "Never fucking swear shit to me again. Your word means nothing." 

"Tooru, come on." Hajime holds his hands out in a plea, the shooting ache and pulse of his injuries stirring his own anger into his voice. "You never said-" 

The next punch takes him off guard because for some reason, he thought they were over it. Maybe he thought speaking would bring Tooru's senses back to him, but no.

"What? I never said what, Hajime? 'Hey, don't fuck my sister'?" Tooru sneers even as Hajime grunts in pain, his mouth shut tight to avoid the humiliation of voicing it. "I thought that was a goddamn given. She's fucking 18 years old!" 

Hajime wants so badly to tell Tooru that he's not some fucking pervert and that this wasn't a plan from the beginning, but right when he tries to form the words, Tooru grips his chin harshly, making Hajime moan in pain. "You into that? You knew she had a crush on you, didn't you? Couldn't help yourself to the literal hundreds of other people who want you?" Tooru lets out a bitter laugh, a similar smile accompanying it. "Is this some fucking payback? What the hell did I do to you?"

"Tooru, you know I'm not like that." Hajime attempts reason, but it's met with nothing but cold eyes. "I...you're my best friend. I didn't-" 

"Ew, were you staring at her in high school?" Tooru gags, shaking his head as he starts to hyperventilate. "Shit, I might actually throw up." 

Hajime doesn't want to answer any more questions. He actually just wishes he could disappear from the face of the planet. He was aware he would get chewed out and probably beat up for his crimes, but he wasn't expecting to have to defend himself against the accusations that he was something disturbing. "That's not fair-"

"No, you know what's not fair, Hajime?" Tooru continues as he shoves Hajime against the wall before pacing. "Having a best friend lie to you for years."  

"Oh, that is such fucking bullshit!" Hajime feels his own rage building behind every bruise as he feels it physically manifest in his own push against Tooru's chest, Tooru's lips twitching as the anger passes between them like one of their set-spikes in a match. "What makes you think I'm some evil fucking mastermind who's been plotting against you?"

"Because you are!"

Neither of the 21-year olds seem to be aware of the fact that they are fighting like literal children, petulance and name-calling now being their main choice of weapon. 

"As if you didn't flirt with her fucking friends, dude." 

"I-" Tooru meant to refute the point but quickly shuts his mouth, his tone going dangerously low as if someone might overhear him. "...You know I didn't mean it." 

"Oh, did you not mean it before or after this conversation?" 

"Man, fuck you!" 

"No, fuck you!"

Alright, maybe Hajime should've seen the punch coming considering he was thinking about subjecting Tooru to his own medicine, something the guy might've sensed. It's strong enough that Tooru is able to shove him to the floor, straddling him as he punches him again, making Hajime's head swim as he breathes manually, grimacing when he tries to look at Tooru's domineering face. They're both breathing heavily as they stare at each other, seemingly frazzled. Hajime's hand twitches at his side, before he accidentally moves to touch his nose, his whole face twisting in pain. Fuck, he got him good. Hajime decides to chance asking a question. 

"...Don't you care what she thinks?" 

"Literally, screw you." Tooru glares at him, narrowing his eyes as he tilts his head as if this should be a given. "Of course I give a shit." 

"Then why-" 

"Because this is the fucking result of what she thinks!" Tooru throws his hand out to the side as if that is all that needs to be said. Hajime opens his mouth to protest, but is interrupted by a serious tone of voice, ignoring his facial expression. "You guys aren't in fucking love. If you think this is anything more than some kind of teenage rebellion, you're seriously delusional. She doesn't know what she wants, and frankly, Hajime-" Tooru looks at him with a strange mix of pity and resentment. "Neither do you." 

Hajime is quiet. He feels his throat flush red with anger and shame, suddenly looking at this from a perspective that hurts. He hasn't wanted to stare the situation in the face, and he feels flames race across his tanned skin as he ponders aimlessly. It's easier for his mind to play a foggy memory than be present with the mess he's created. 

His parents' grimaces when they found out his college performance. Every ex's thinly disguised hatred when things ended poorly. The words they all left him with. 

"If only you tried harder." 

"Do you care about anything at all?" 

"It's just disappointing." 

No, it isn't disappointing. 

He is disappointing.

What would I know about loving someone? 

His eyes have already begun swelling, but they still widen when they catch the moisture at the corners of Tooru's eyes as his hands shake on Hajime's shirt collar, making all thoughts of retaliation dissipate. 

"How could you do this to me?" Hajime's Adam's apple bobs and presses against that lump, and he feels the hot sting of tears building in unison with Tooru's wild eyes, suddenly ridden with despair rather than anger. "She's my sister."

"I..." Hajime's voice is hoarse, as he shakes his head softly when he feels the soft heated teardrops on his face, Tooru's jaw clenched so hard that he's all but snarling at Hajime with a strange mix of malice and exhaustion. His voice comes out quiet, close to meek. "...I didn't mean to." 

"She's..." Tooru shakes his head, imploring almost now in his desperation. "...she's never..." Tooru bites his lip, unable to form the sentiment moving through him into words and Hajime's heart breaks once more. "...Do you even care?" 

"Of course I do." Hajime places a hand on top of Tooru's at his collar, unable to stop himself from wanting to relieve his friend of the pain, momentarily forgetting that he's the cause. But Tooru's hand tightens rather than accepts the warmth offered. 

"No, you fucking don't!" Tooru shakes Hajime's whole body with his shakes in rage. "She trusted you! She fucking trusted you to keep her safe, to put her first and you fucking..." Tooru grits out an angry sound before it slides into defeat, his voice breaking under his breath, his eyes still staring into Hajime's. It's precisely in that moment that Hajime feels a strange sense of clarity, feeling like a mirror when he looks at his reflection in Tooru's eyes. And Tooru feels it too. "She trusted me."

Hajime feels his whole face contort with seeing the pain written plainly across his best friend's face, because of him. He's still contemplating what to do when he lifts a hand, but Tooru must've decided something on his own. Dropping his hands from Hajime's collar, Tooru's head lolls to the side to stare down the abandoned hallway, away from the patrons. Hajime takes advantage of the distraction to rub at the back of his head. After, his fingers subconsciously roaming his face to feel for his injuries which...there's many. 

Still, his attention is elsewhere when he looks up to stare at Tooru's profile, not sure if he's able to think of anything at all while he studies the shifting expression. Tooru's face is turned the way they came, his form slightly loose, hands hanging limply at his sides, unnerving Hajime. "What're you..."

"Go rub some snow on your face and ask for another room." Tooru replies coldly, clinically before standing without a noise. Hajime's hands prop himself up as he stares at the back moving down the hall, Hajime watching his best friend's receding form. 

"I need to talk to my sister."