Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dazai.

Dazai has always had eyes for Chuuya, it's something no one would notice if you didn't know him. The slight change in his expression, or the slightest change in pitch when he talks to him. But it seems not even Chuuya himself has seen it. How could you, really? And, well, could you blame Chuuya? Dazai has never liked emotions, and it's unsure he sees the love himself.

Dazai is always thinking, even when it seems he's lacking. It will either be twenty back-ups, or a ridiculous plan, but he's always thinking. Always. Until Chuuya comes into sight, it's not like he automatically stops planning, but all thoughts come to an ease. When close enough; he just can't think at all. It's truly unusual for him, Mori would probably say he's too… ‘Attached’ to chuuya. Of course he isn't! It's his partner, it only makes sense that he can relax around him. Or that's what Dazai would say.

Chuuya isn't much different, in a more noticeable way. Of course he gets embarrassed whenever Dazai brings up his stares. Of course he flushes when Dazai wants to hold hands, or asks to be closer. But saying- no admitting- he’s in love with Dazai is something he'd never do. How could he with all this trust? What if he broke it? What if all of the slights he’s seen in Dazai were just his hopes and he's overreacting about dazai's eyes slightly raising (more like lowering) when they see Chuuya? Then what? He loses his friendship, his partner, and, well, the only one he'd willingly call ‘his hope’. 

Chuuya couldn't. Dazai couldn't. And everyone else is too stupid to even realize they love each other! Why does life have to be this hard? But it's whatever. If Dazai wanted Chuuya, he'd figure it out. Somehow. 

Dazai has been just lounging in Chuuya's apartment for a while now. The past guest bedroom has stayed the guest bedroom; Dazai refused to sleep in it. He and Chuuya shared a room, one large bed, and two teen boys. While Chuuya hated- really enjoyed- it, Dazai pushed him to one side of the bed for a reason. And it's simple, so he could cuddle. Despite how ‘inhumane’ Dazai might be described, he craves the touch. Of course only from Chuuya. If Mori tried to touch him he'd probably shoot him on the spot. 

They were laying down, about 2:37 in the morning. Dazai, obviously, wasn't asleep. So for some ungodly reason, he wouldn't let Chuuya either. Chuuya stared aimlessly at the ceiling, Dazai laying next to him, pressed on his side while Chuuya laid on his back. The top arm and leg of Dazai splayed around Chuuya like a child with a large teddy bear. Of course, said child was larger than the stuffed bear. While Dazai was taller (“Only by an inch!” -Chuuya) he definitely acted smaller. As if a guard dog acted like a Chihuahua. He would sit on Chuuya's lap, or lay on him, but honestly he weighed barely anything. It was less of a weighted blanket and more of a… regular blanket? 

Chuuya sighed and Dazai just grabbed another lock of orange hair, twirling it In-between two thin fingers. Dazai's eye looked up at Chuuya's. “What?” Chuuya scoffed.

“Oh nothing,” Dazai replied shortly. His fingers soon dropped that small piece of hair to play with another lock. They stayed silent, Dazai's eyes moving to the other's hair, and Chuuya's eyes looking into the others. “You have very pretty hair, Chibi.” 

Chuuya sighed at the nickname but was too tired to say anything. It took him a few seconds before his shoulders tensed. “Wait- what?” He asked, only now realizing the compliment. Dazai looked up.

“Your hair looks nice,” he repeated, only a second later switching the stands out for another. He also switched his gaze from Chuuya to his hair; toying with it.

“You know what I meant, Mackerel.”

"Do I?” 

“Yes! You don't just say stuff like that. It’-”

“It's what?”

Chuuya looked at him. Shoulder sliding back against the plush mattress. “You're impossible,” Chuuya huffs. He looked back to the brunette's eyes. As always, his ocean eyes soften, seem to lighten. “You know what it is… it's weird, Dazai.” His eyes seemed to falter at that. Dazai's eyes stilled on the hair before his thin fingers let go of it and his hand landed on Chuuya's chest. He looked to Chuuya, their gazes meeting.

“... Really now?”

“That's not what I meant.”

“You think it's weird, huh?”

“Dazai-” Chuuya started before cutting himself off. He wanted to date Dazai. Feel his lips, his chest, his hands- fully. But how could he if he was just going to push it away? He didn't mean weird in a bad way, but he wanted an open door, to… see if Dazai wanted to say something. But now he just feels bad, what if Dazai just feels offended, and he's gay. Or worse he's not gay and feels wrong for just feeling comfortable with Chuuya.

“You're so mean Chibi…” Dazai huffs while puffing his chest out and looking away. It just further pushes Chuuya to the edge of the bed. Chuuya sighs in relief. Great, one) he didn't make Dazai offended or hurt his feelings. Two) he doesn't have to explain himself and possibly expose himself. The best ending out of that. (Well the best would really be they make up and kiss but that seems impossible at the moment.)

Dazai just moved his hand back up, must've just been teasing Chuuya with that stupid ‘You think it's weird, huh?’ act. He grabbed another lock and twisted it between his thin fingers.

“Well, good thing I'm already weird.” He said, smiling. Chuuya let out a sigh of relief, unconsciously, but Dazai didn't seem to notice it.

“Can't you at least move to the middle of the bed? I'm about to fall off, Mackerel. Dazai just shrugged.

“Then your going to make me stop playing with your hair, chibi is so mean~” 

He huffed “no I won't. Well- I mean, if you-... I won't because I'm not mean.” He said, struggling for a few seconds. He landed on the easiest one to explain. Dazai snickered.

“Hmm. Maybe! Are you sure though? This better not be a trick.” Chuuya nodded. “Hm, fine. Only ‘cause I'm nice!” Dazai said, moving back to the middle of the bed. He and Chuuya would never say that they Cuddle, or play with each other's hair- though it's mostly Dazai- they would most likely call it, being comfortable with their partner. Chuuya scooted over and Dazai took his chance and pushed his body against Chuuya. he didn't reach for his hair though, just hugging his body around Chuuya.

“Hey, asshole! I only agreed to letting you touch my hair, not whatever this is!” Chuuya protested, but didn't move. He huffed and groaned a bit but easily settled into the brunette's hold. And to Chuuya's delight, Dazai had finally closed his eyes, and started drifting off to sleep. They both have their things, Chuuya has ADHD, and trans, while Dazai has insomnia, and autism, but he's on the lower end of the spectrum. So most nights he won't get much sleep, and Chuuya has to deal with him. He wouldn't mind it… if he didn't have missions to deal with, and meetings to go to.

Chuuya let out a content sigh and rested his head on top of Dazai's and let his heavy eyes close. He let a small smile take on his lips as he heard dazai's breathing steady. They soon fell asleep in each other's arms. 

As Dazai woke up, he was alone. He pouted, looking around. The bathroom door was closed, so Chuuya must be getting ready. He sighed getting up and stretching his arms over his head. He got up and off the bed walking to their shared dresser. He opened the first drawer, it was his. On the far left side there was bandaged, and nothing else. He really wouldn't care if he got infected as long as it was covered. Then there was a space and some pants and shirts on the far right. It was messier and emptier than Chuuya's drawer, which had shirts folded on the right side, pants folded in the middle, and underwear and socks on the side. Dazai had his boxers and socks in the smaller drawer, he preferred to just throw it in the drawer and call it a day.

Dazai grabbed a new shirt and a pair of pants. He closed his drawer and knocked on the bathroom door. He heard the shower and muffled, “I'm just getting out!” Come from behind the door. He waited outside and the shower stopped, it took around a minute but Chuyaa came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Two large scars under his pecks, aftermath of his top surgery. Dazai didn't pay it any mind, he already knew, and was fine with it. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He heard Chuuya yell from the other side to shower, because ‘he stinks!’ or something. Dazai rolled his eyes but still undressed, he started the shower with cold water and stepped in. 

While Dazai was in the shower he changed, picking out some pants, a shirt, underwear, and some socks. He dropped his towel, it didn't take him long to save up for his top surgery, but the bottom surgery was a different story. He, as quickly as possible, put on some underwear, and then his pants. Then he put on his shirt and socks. He grabbed a brush on his dresser, and began brushing out his hair, laying it on the side of his neck. He sighed, setting down the brush and sitting on the bed.

After only around 5-8 minutes in the shower, Dazai got out and got dressed pretty quickly. He stepped out of the bathroom and laid on the bed.

Chapter Text

Chuuya swatted Dazai from the bed, “Hey asshole! Your hair is still wet, don't get the bed wet!” Dazai whined, sitting up and pouting. “Don't whine! The bed doesn't need your wet hair on it. Plus we have a mission soon.” Chuuya informed. He got off of the bed with now-dry hair. He grabbed the brush and threw it at Dazai. “Hurry, Mackerel.” 

“Ah~ Chuuya's so mean…” Dazai whined while putting the brush to his hair and untangling the strands that got caught together while in the shower. He had shoulder length hair when it was wet and straight, and looked way different than when it was dry. When his hair would dry it would wave on the outside and curl in the inner side of his hair, making it more poofy.he set the brush on the bed after he was done and Chuuya snat he's it, putting it back onto the dresser. He sighed, sitting back down next to Dazai.

“Have you seen my gloves? I haven't seen them since the night of the last mission.” Chuuya asked, he was stoic on the outside, but on the inside he knew how much he wanted those gloves back, especially being on less sleep since Dazai moved in. He can't deal with Arahabaki tempting him right now. Dazai shook his head. 

“Nope, I haven't, maybe Mori took them~” he teased.

 Which was a bad thought, Mori would most definitely not give them back for no reason. Yes, he knew about Arahabaki, but does Chuuya want to talk about it? Absolutely not. Chuuya's not immature to talk about personal topics, but something about talking of a dead god that was put into him as a vessel still doesn't sit right with him. Never has, and possibly, never will.

Chuuya let his head fall back, “God I hope not.” he muttered. Dazai snickered, for God knows what. Chuuya looked over. “The fuck are you laughing about?”

“You~”

Chuuya just froze to think for a second. What could be better laughing about, him? There can't be anything on his face could there? No… maybe his hair? “The hell you mean, me!?” Chuuya yelled.

“You looked cute when your flustered!~” Dazai teased. Chuuya flushed over. He shot up from laying down and shot a look at Dazai.

“You can't just- say that! What the hell!” He yelled as Dazai raised an eyebrow with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Say what~?” He asked, obviously knowing the answer. Chuuya fumed

“You know what, asshole! You can't- that's just a weird thing to say!”

“Again with this ‘weird’ stuff? That's stupid chibi~...” Dazai said, getting up. He soon walked out of the room, leaving Chuuya tense and froze. As well as beyond surprised. Chuuya immediately made work to follow the taller out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey! Don't just leave, what the hell was that!?” He yelled at Dazai.

“Chibi~ we have to leave for the mission, remember~?” He teased, obviously trying to get under Chuuya's nerves. While it did get under his skin, Dazai had a point. Chuuya didn't have much info on the mission other than, find some traitors, and kill. He didn't even know who or where, only knew they were traitors, and apparently one of them had an ability Dazai would have to deal with.

Chuuya sighed in defeat, grabbing his keys and walking out of the apartment, Dazai following in tow. They soon got down the stairs and made it to Chuuya's motorcycle. Dazai hated the stupid thing, but had learned to tolerate it after living with Chuuya for a while.though he still believes that Chuuya should get a car, or just walk. He used to refuse to even be close to it, calling it a death trap. Only one of those had changed though.

“Got I hate this stupid deathtrap… it's so stupid” Dazai complained while climbing on. Chuuya got on and put in the keys. He felt Dazai's arms wrap around his waist as if he was death itself. He started up the bike and began backing up before speeding up, of course being followed with Dazai's frequent complaints, and telling him to slow down.

“Oh my God, shut up we're not even going that fast. And we're already almost there.” Chuuya said, Dazai continued on, and on. They soon arrived.

“Well, I need you to head to the F6 supplies routes. They've been stealing our ammunition, and sometimes our weapons. By sources I have found they should be planning to steal more in the evening before the night shift guards take their place. I want you and Nakahara to scope out the area until you see them, and then kill them. I don't want to see any of them alive by tomorrow.” A man with shoulder length hair stated. His fingers intertwined, and hands propped up by his elbows on the table. He also had a sickly smile on his face, one currently matching Dazai’s smirk. Chuuya was sitting on the couch, barely being let into the conversation. He never knew why, but Dazai had always had the upper hand when it came to getting stuff from Mori. Whether it be supplies, info, etc. Yet he’d always complain about never being in the loop with the boss’s plans. As well as that, the most Dazai talks about his childhood, – almost never– he never failed to mention Mori, it made Chuuya wonder how long they’ve really known each other.

“Chibi?” Dazai called, Chuuya snapped his head up to him; must’ve zoned out. “Did you hear that? We need to go, it's almost noon.”

“How long have you two been talking to each other? We got here at 9:30!?” Chuuya yelled, getting up and looking at the clock. ‘11:47’ 13 minutes to get there. Mori chuckled as, the now there, Elise giggled behind him while doodling with a red crayon.

“Not long, but the two of you should be on your way, we also have a driver ready.” And when Chuuya was about to say something about his motorcycle, he was interrupted by Mori continuing. “I know you have a motorcycle, but one) Dazai would talk and complain too much, and two) it's red, not exactly good for blending in.” Chuuya shut his mouth and nodded.

Him and Dazai soon walked out the room and headed towards the elevator. Pressing the button and getting in quickly. After around 3 minutes, since they were at the top floor, they finally reached the bottom. And instead of walking out like civilized mafiosos, Dazai immediately ran out screaming “the last one there is a short dog, and has to listen to their owner for the rest of the day!” And bolted off. Chuuya scowled and ran after him. While Chuuya was fast, he couldn't use his ability because Dazai had touched his shoulder just before running out. And by the time he could, Dazai was already in the car. Grinning ear to ear.

“Hello doggy~” Dazai said. Chuuya cringed, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing.

“Shut up, I didn't even agree” he said while getting in. Dazai snickered.

“Then why’d you run~?” Dazai teased, Chuuya grew red. He didn't answer and just looked at the door. After they got buckled up -- because their not oblivious to how mafia workers drive--, Dazai threw his arms around the still-flustered Chuuya. The two of them rustled around in the back seat, Dazai trying to annoy Chuuya, and Chuuya trying to pry the brunette off of him. They soon go to the site and hopped out of the car, the driver left. They assumed he'd come back, probably leaving to lower suspicion.

They walked onto the first trail, making their way to the F6 warehouse. Dazai kept on poking Chuuya, because he couldn't leave him alone for a second. They had to stay quiet and Chuuya was holding back from flipping out on Dazai. 

They soon made it to the warehouse… somehow holding hands? It was whatever. After they said their quiet farewell, Dazai hid behind boxes on the main floor, and Chuuya climbed onto the overhead storage deck. Pushing some boxes to the side to try and reduce the creaking.

Then they waited in the warehouse, before they heard talking…

Chapter Text

“Can you get us more ammo than last time? We'll pay 10,000 yen! I know we kinda lowballed last time… but we'll pay in full today, I swear!” The guy explained, using large hand motions. Everyone was wearing hoods, except for one. They were in a large black cloak, probably trying to hide the obvious mafia suit.

“Yeah, I don't care, but I better get my money, I'm putting my life at risk. And hurry, the boxes are in the back.” The person under the cloak stated. It was a girl. Dazai looked closer trying to see who it was. Short brown hair, dark, chocolatey eyes, and black nails. He doesn't know her, so she must be a rookie. But she has a powerful ability. He was never told what it was, just that the mafia member was only in for their ability, and they needed Dazai to take them out. Dazai bolted out, taking out his gun from his coat and shooting a bullet at the girl. The cloak fell. The bullet had flown into her arm, bleeding soon came from the bullet wound. Her other hand went up and gripped it tightly, gritting her teeth. She looked up eyes wide as the other men scattered. Dazai flew against her, he felt a small stab in his back. He looked behind him while holding her down to see multiple wooden, spear-like, vines trailing his path towards her. Even though he was touching her they stayed, only now still and unmoving. 

He looked back and grinned, pulling his gun back up and putting the barrel against her forehead. “Nice ability there~ how fun… well now! Bye, bye!” He said before quickly shooting her, she let out a short scream before it was silenced by her death.

He watched Dazai sprint out and remained in place. As Dazai sent his first shot he used his ability launch him down. One of the first men that was scattered went from running to the ground quickly. He laid on his stomach as Chuuya held his arms back with a wicked smirk on his face. A medium piece of leftover stone from the third wall to the door soon had a red glow. It levitated up and then was used as a projectile to the man's head. Red blood soon turns dark as it splatters against the floor. The man's eyes widened then rolled back as they lost sight, the scream lasted longer, one of torture and pain.

The man groveled in pain and Chuuya got up to shoot himself at another man. As he did a few more shots rang out front the other side of the shed. There was three men and then the traitor if he can remember correctly, which he definitely did, so maybe Dazai will deal with the last one. He took out the guy quickly, not usually his style, but neither was Dazai doing extra work on a mission with no reason. He needed to check on that soon. He slammed the guys head into the wall, a shattering sound rang, probably from the force on his skull. He fell down, his right eye bleeding out, yet he was gripping onto the left side of his head, that would be a good choice though, seeing as that's where he was bleeding out. Leftover skin remains were sticking to the rough wall with blood. He yelled out, but soon came to the ground with muffled moans.

Chuuya ran to the other side of the warehouse, behind stacks and stacks of boxes was Dazai. He was whining, not shooting anymore. As Chuuya turned the corner he saw Dazai in the last mans arms, being held with a knife against his neck. His gun on the floor, around 10 feet in front of him. “Uuuh~ can't you just kill me, sir~? This sure is taking long… oh-! Chibi! Huhuhu~” He laughed to himself, before falling against the man and pouting

“Chibi~ save me from this mean man!” He called out. Chuuya rolled his eyes and shot forward, hitting the knife away. It fell out of the man's hand and hit the ground. He took Dazai in one arm and the other arm punched the guy. He went flying and his body hit the wall, he ragged onto the floor and grunted. Dazai was moaning on about being saved, Chuuya pushed him to the side and took some loose ammo from the ground he had seen. It soon has a red glow and about 15 bullets fly at the man, he makes loud grunting noises before his body falls limp against the floor.

“Dazai, are you hurt!? Are you okay, he didn't get to your neck, right!?” Chuuya panicked before being met with a loudly laughing Dazai.

“Ouhhh~, Chuuya sure is eager to help me~” Dazai teased. Chuuya stopped and his face turned red, half from anger, and from embarrassment.

“Asshole!” Chuuya yelled while hitting dazai's arm. Dazai laughed before Chuuya finally cracked a smile. They began walking out, and as they thought, the car was ready. Doors open and everything. They crawled into the car before Dazai started blabbering about Chuuya saving him to the driver. Who wasn't speaking, and obviously wasn't listening.

Chuuya stayed quiet. His hand soon inched over to dazai's after they got settled into the car. As their hands touched, Dazai automatically took Chuuya's hand into his own. It was basically an autopilot thing at this point. They rode back holding hands for the rest of the drive, but now Dazai was more quiet and more distracted.

They were currently giving the report to Mori, most missions didn't go straight to the boss if they weren't overly important or involved, but Dazai was required to give mission reports to Mori, and by extension, Chuuya. As always, Chuuya was pushed to the side as they talked. Just ‘blah blah blah this', and 'blah blah blah, that.’ it wasn't even an eventful mission but Mori and Dazai had been talking about it for what seemed to be forever. If they’re even still talking about it, Chuuya stopped listening a while ago. And soon enough they were good to go home. So they ran to the motorcycle, probably the first time Chuuya's seen Dazai not complain about getting onto the bike.

They rode home as fast as possible, making it there in only 3 minutes. Yes it was really just down the road, but it usually takes 5-6 minutes. Dazai ran in first and Chuuya propped the kickstand up. He took his keys out and shoved them into his pockets. Finally walking up the stairs to his apartment.

He walked in and closed the door behind him. Dazai was already lounging on the couch. Chuuya walked in and reached into his pocket, pulling out the keys and setting them on the kitchen counter. He then walked over to the couch and sat down next to Dazai. He sprawled out on Chuuya's lap as soon as Chuuya sat down. Chuuya was used to it by now so just leaned over him to pick up the remote. As he started the show he paused it as Dazai started to talk. “Chuuya~... You know how I don't like the stupid feeling things?” Dazai asked in a weird tone. One you don't hear often.

Chuuya looked at Dazai, humming, “yeah? Why?” He asked

Dazai looked to the floor. “I’ve been having this weird feeling… and I hate it.” Dazai said. Was that feeling love? Possibly. Did Dazai realize it? Probably not.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, every time I'm next to you I feel… weird. In a bad way! And I need to know that it's not just me. Do you get the stupid feeling too?” Dazai said, almost hopefully. Like he truly believed it was just a small headache that was passed along. He didn't know, and frankly just wanted to figure out how to get rid of this feeling. “It's achey, and make my stomach feel weird…” Dazai explained.

Chuuya's eyes widened. Was this his chance? Does Dazai actually feel the same way? Chuuya sighed for a second, he couldn't seem too happy. “Dazai… do you like…” he looked away. What could he ask, Chuuya hated explaining stuff about feelings, how was he supposed to when he shouldn't even have them! “Would you like… to, I don't know… k-kiss me?” He said before immediately regretting it. Why would he say that! “J-just if it came to it, of course!” Dazai immediately looked up eyes a bit wide, before he *blushed”! Probably the first time Chuuya has seen that. And he looked really cute. Dazai sighed, it was now or never, and his brain has been yelling at him too so something… Chuuya must've asked him for a reason. He cot closer and closer, Chuuya's eyes widening their lips touched. Finally.

Chapter Text

Dazai's lips were everything Chuuya thought they would be… dry, but that didn't matter! Was he surprised? Yes. Does he even care about him finally getting to kiss his crush… absolutely! Dazai pulled away. “Whoaaa~” he said and Chuuya cringed, like, who ends a kiss with ‘whoa’!? “That was weird… was I supposed to do that?” He asked. For being the demon prodigy, and the person beat at toying with feelings… he sure sucked at them.

Chuuya looked away. ‘was he supposed to? I mean, I think he has feelings for me… God I'm so stupid! Who asks “would you like to kiss me?” For the ending question! This will embarrass me for forever.’ he though to himself. He looked away. What should he do now? What is there to do? He could run away. Never talk to Dazai again… but that would suck! Guess he has to be a man… “well… uhh… I liked it? D-did you?” He asked, almost hopeful. And again, a really shitty and stupid thing to ask. He really needs to get this together.

Dazai looked to the side and hummed. “Hmm… I guess… you tasted nice!” Dazai said. Apparently he needs to get it together too. Chuuya looked at him, a little confused. But then smiled a bit. This could be his chance, but he needs to at least try and word it good… “would you date me?” Chuuya asked, as blunt as Dazai. They might be having out to much. Dazai stiffened for a second, they have most definitely been rubbing off on each other. 

“What? Why!- I mean I know I'm handsome… and a total hottie… but why!?” he asked. Now they just say in silence again. Dazai said, confused as to why Chuuya would ask him such a Outrageous question. And Chuuya was confused about how Dazai couldn't get it. Dazai knew he kissed him, and he liked it, but would he date Chuuya? That seems too out there. And Mori wouldn't like it either. “Chuuyaaaaa~ I don't wanna~” he whined out. 

Chuuya froze. “So you don't want to date..?” 

“I never said that!” He yelled before muttering, “chibi putting words in my mouth…” he got up. 

“Then what do you mean, “I don't wanna”?” Chuuya asked

“I don't wanna answer right now.” He pouted. “And you are being confusing! I don't get this!” He whined out. He was starting to get frustrated, which didn't happen often. He used to be way worse with breakdowns, but since he started living with Chuuya they've been smaller and more controlled, barely happening anymore.

Chuuya immediately knew what was coming, and wanted to try and stop it. He wasn't that good at dealing with breakdowns. Only knew some stuff from some books he borrowed from Mori. He grabbed Dazai's hand. “Okay, it's okay, you can answer later… Let's go to your room.” He said, kind of panicked since Dazai hadn't had a breakdown in a while. Dazai nodded. Looking like he was about to fall to the ground sobbing. He wouldn't, of course. Even if he needed to, he refused to do things he needed, like you would almost never catch Dazai stimming. It wasn't good for him and made him have a higher risk for breakdowns. He wouldn't get the things he needs, then after it was all built up, he'd need to let it out.  

They walked to the room, Chuuya trying to be as quiet as possible. He doesn't know

what triggered it, was it the question? The kiss? Hell, it could've been a noise outside that was slightly too loud and the breakdown was just bound to come. But He had to stay calm. The breakdowns weren't bad, well they were, but they were nothing compared to knees he's read on. Mostly Dazai- would just turn either really loud, or really quiet, and just stay still. But usually he'd have to have his preferred spot, he liked Chuuya's room, and in the headquarters, it was in the bosses room, in the closet. It was a cramped spot, but he would always go in there.

They got beside the bed, in the corner. Dazai sat with his back against the back wall, one side of him against another wall, and the other side against the bed. Chuuya sat in front of him, not saying anything. Just there for reassurance. Sometimes they'd just stay there, sometimes Dazai would push up and lean on Chuuya, or push Chuuya away. Today it was the first one. He just sat there, hugging his knees to his chest. And apparently he needed to cry too, a tear fell down his face, he didn't whine or anything, just cried. More tears came after and Chuuya just let him cry. Not interfering. He never found anything directly connecting to how Dazai had his breakdowns, but what he did seemed to be what Dazai needed. 

They sat in silence for around 30 minutes before Dazai drifted off to sleep. And while Chuuya would usually lay on the bed, he stayed on the floor, next to Dazai, and fell asleep himself.

The next morning Dazai woke up and Chuuya was sitting next to him, sleeping. All he could remember was crying. Then he started remembering more, the kiss, which he remembers vividly, and the question. Which, now that he's thinking about it, he did like the kiss. But he didn’t love Chuuya. They were both boys for God's sake! And again, Mori wouldn't approve.

But deep inside, he knew he was lying to himself. He knew about love, had to. He needed to have a grip on almost every emotion for his master manipulation. And while he didn't pay attention to his feelings, or how he could represent them. Now he could recognize it. The change in his heart beat, involuntarily. The turning in his stomach. The weird zoning out whenever Chuuya would come into view. But would he risk it? Well, Chuuya might not like him, he'd have to hide it from Mori, and he wouldn't be able to do everything a normal couple would.

But he knew one thing.

He needed to decide fast.

Chuuya soon woke up, Dazai no longer in front of him. He looked around before getting up. He yawned and walked over to the drawer, grabbing a new shirt and some sweatpants. He loved fashion and he would dress fancy and pretty everyday, but he also loved being comfortable. After he grabbed some underwear he closed the drawer and walked towards the bathroom. The light was on but it wasn't locked so he assumed Dazai just left it on.

He walked to the door and opened it, looking up from the ground. His eyes widened. It was Dazai. Naked. He was skinny, some ribs threatening to break through his skin. He had multiple scars that were obviously self-inflicted. Chuuya knew he used to do it, but had never seen a single one, and there must’ve been hundreds. They were all over his arms, his calves, thighs, and some on his chest. Some were small and barely holding onto the place on his body, while some were wide and thick. Some purple and dark, others white and harder to see on his pale skin. The thicker ones were best described as “rough”. It showed on his fair and smooth skin, with the scar looking that alike sandpaper with its roughness. And while it didn't catch Chuuya's mind immediately, he then realized again that… Dazai was naked. And that he should probably leave. He excused himself and exited immediately.

…Awkward…

Chapter Text

…Awkward…

That was so awkward! What was Chuuya doing? He could’ve at least knocked! Lately Chuuya has been lacking… at everything; emotions, timing, his stupid questions; everything he should be good at. Chuuya flopped onto the bed with an embarrassed sigh. He wouldn't be able to live this down… and he still has to get Dazai to answer his question. So much happened yesterday.

Dazai soon walks out, already calmed down somehow. He sits on the bed and whines, as always. Chuuya gets up and walks to the bathroom, closing and locking the door. He changed as he usually does, putting his top and pants on at a rather relaxed pace while he got into his underwear as quickly as he possibly could. He didn't get body dysmorphia that much, but he still hated looking at his naked body. Though that doesn't change that it has felt better since he's gotten top surgery. And maybe it's just been about what happened yesterday, but he just couldn't take a shower. Usually he would do it daily, even while he hated it. But today he didn't feel like he could handle that. He wouldn't be able to describe it, but something felt off today. He doesn't believe he could have himself naked for that long without having some… unpleasant thoughts. So he just pushed the shower for tomorrow. 

He soon walked out and brushed his hair, it was more frizzy today. He guessed nothing was going in his favour today. Dazai was lying on his stomach on the bed, scrolling on his phone. Or playing a game, probably the latter. Before Dazai and Chuuya met, Dazai had never even been to an arcade! But he won basically every game anyways. And that pissed Chuuya off at the start, since he's been playing for years! Chuuya sighed, turning to exit the bedroom. Dazai stayed in bed, seemingly not paying attention. And while walking out Chuuya could catch a glimpse of Dazai playing a game on his phone. He cracked a tiny, almost unnoticeable smile. He was glad Dazai wasn't hung up on anything.

He walked through the front room and into the kitchen and opened a cabinet next to the fridge. He had quite a bit of instant food, and a lot of crab for Dazai. He grabbed out two ‘90 second rice cups’, then opened the fridge for soy sauce and some eggs. Lastly he walked to the sink and opened the closest cabinet and grabbed out some sesame seeds, and salt. He set everything next to the stove. He knew he was missing something… nori sheets would be good. He looked around the kitchen before realizing he was out of nori. He always liked to add it for extra flavour, seeing as he got the specialty flavors, especially the one that has chili flakes in the package. But he didn't mind, Dazai didn't even like nori, so it wasn't a change for him. He could never do with the texture; he would call it ‘too plastic-y’.

He soon started the eggs, and when they were about halfway done, he pulled the plastic lid from the rice cups and filled them up with water to the line. He threw them into the microwave. After 2 minutes– he put them in longer because he was putting in two at a time.-- he pulled out the rice cups and turned off the stove. The smell of food wafted through the air. Not distinct, but it smelt fresh and warm. He quickly mixed the spices in with the hot eggs and then split the eggs half and half over the rice. 

“Dazai!” Chuuya called out. “I got breakfast, c’mon, Mackerel.” He yelled as he sat the two full rice cups onto the small table in the kitchen– he loved that they had extra room in the top; less dishes!-- . It was a small rectangle table and two medium sized stools underneath it. Chuuya pulled out his and sat down. Dazai soon walked into the kitchen, seemingly dragging himself like standing up genuinely hurt him. He whined pulling out the chair.

“Does this have any nori?” He asked first. Chuuya shook his head, his mouth already occupied as he stuffed it with a spoon full of food. Dazai nodded to himself and took his first bite. He hated food, but he had to eat it. If people would leave him alone, he'd much rather die in bed from starvation, then he could play games till he dies. But Chuuya made it and he could at least have a bite, try to eat what he needed. After around three spoonfuls he pushed away the half empty rice cup. Chuuya looked up from his, which was almost finished.

“Are you finished?” He asked, Dazai simply nodded and pulled out his phone, going back to a racing game. Small popping sounds came from his phone, along with the sound of screeching tires. Chuuya turned back to his food and grabbed Dazai's, scooping it into his cup and eating the rest of it. After Chuuya finished he stacked the plastic cups and got up from the stool, pushing it under the table again and walking to the trash; throwing it away. He walked to the table and grabbed his and Dazai's spoons, moving to the sink and placing them in there, he'd do them later. 

He walked past Dazai and into the front room. It was rather small, a loveseat, a TV stand and a TV. They could take the coffee table out and place it in here but they wanted the extra room. 

Chuuya sat on the left side of the sofa and grabbed the remote from the arm of the sofa. He pointed it towards the TV and turned it on. He switched through the newer shows and soon found Two Broke Girls, it was new and pretty popular. He's only seen 1 episode, but it was pretty funny. Dazai seemed to like it too. “Dazai, I'm watching Two Broke Girls, you wanna watch with me?” He said, basically to the wall. But Dazai heard him since he was just next door to the front room. 

“I'm good, I'm just gonna play my game.” Dazai replied, rather calm. Chuuya nodded, leaving him to it and turning on the show. Turning down the sound because it was way too loud.

-

Dazai could hear the TV, it was too loud and then Chuuya turned it down. It still was to loud for him, but he could manage. He continued on with his game until he got a text. From Mori, “Dazai, I need you at the headquarters in the next quarter hour. Alone. And dont ask Nakahara for a ride, I will have someone pick you up. So get ready.” And that was it. 

Dazai looked up to Chuuya, he was paying attention to the show. Dazai sighed, getting up and texting Mori back while he kicked the stool under the table. “Can I tell him where I'm going? And can he pick me up?” He typed quickly. And as soon as he replies Mori does as well. “No, you may tell him that your leaving, and if he picks you up I don't want it in front of the building. You won't want him to get involved.” Dazai sighed, heading to the bedroom. 

He walked past Chuuya who didn't question him. He walked into the room, just to grab his gun before quickly exiting. He might need it, and he needed to make sure he could get outside before the car could even honk, or make any noise. If Mori was going to do what Dazai thinks, then yes, he doesn't want Chuuya involved.

As he was about to walk out the door he heard Chuuya step up behind him. “Dazai? Where are you going?”

“Just to the gas station.” Dazai quickly answered.

“Well, do you need a ride? The gas station is awhile away. And I heard it's going to be raining.” Chuuya said, a bit worried. He didn't really like the idea of Dazai walking alone at night, alone. Yes he could handle himself, but he wasn't good at combat, so if he were to get kidnapped or something he wouldn't be able to defend himself as much than if Chuuya was there. (He also still needs to ask Dazai the question and hoped it would be tonight…)

Dazai just waved him off. “C’mon Chuuya, it's not that far, plus, I only need like one thing, and I want to walk. It's a win win~!” He said. “So I'm gonna start walking, then I can come home on time, yeah?” He continued, then with no room for argument, he left. 

Chuuya sighed, defeated. He decided to just go back to the couch and deal with this later.

Chapter Text

Dazai sighed as soon as he slammed the door behind him. He walked down the stairs to Chuuya's apartment and started to walk along the sidewalk. And as soon as he got outside, a black car pulled up to the parking lot. Dazai quickly walked to the car and opened the door, settling into the back seat.

“Good evening.” The driver greeted. Dazai just hums to the man, slightly bowing his head. 

“Good Evening…” Dazai said after a minute, deciding he might as well respond. The driver nods as they pull out of the parking lot

-

Dazai steps out of the car, saying a short goodbye to the driver. He walks closer to the building. The buildings he's known for years—one of the tallest in Yokohama. But right now, it seems just a bit colder. More empty. And while that may be because of the lack of people, Dazai doesn't think that's the reason. 

He pushes through the doors into the buildings. While the mafia headquarters isn't always bustling with tons of people, there are always people in the building. But as Dazai looks around he can't see anyone. Not guards, workers, nobody. Well Mori’s here, he knows that, but his office is at the very top.

Dazai walks to the elevator and presses the call button, the doors soon opening. He steps in and presses the button for the top floor, soon the door closes and he is on his way. As he arrives the elevator beeps, he's used to it, and every other sound that tells him he's made it to Mori’s office, seeing as he's there so often. He walked out of the elevator to be met with a very visibly unhappy Mori. Usually even if Mori was mad he had a sickly smile on his face, but not anymore. His face was neutral, but clearly unhappy. Unsatisfied. With something.

Dazai walks closer to the desk Mori was currently sitting at. “You needed me?” Dazai asked, trying to avoid the older man's gaze.

“Ah, well Dazai, you seemed to have failed your mission.” The doctor said in a faraway voice, he was displeased. He looked up to the brunette. “You left one of the men Alive Dazai- Disappointing isn't it? All I wanted was them dead, so much easier than them being kept alive and you having to take them here. And yet, you failed.” Mori said, and Dazai didn't understand why he was so mad. Yeah, he failed, but it was a small mistake, he's done at least 2 worse mess ups and Mori wasn't this pissed. 

“I thought they were all killed, there were only four people there, and we killed all of them.” Dazai said, trying to not be too defensive.

“Hmm, well, in our security cameras, there were five. Are you getting dull, Dazai? I also recall that nobody searched the warehouse afterwards, which happened to be where they were hiding. Why couldn't one of you just check? Do you not care about it? About anything other than Chuuya? Don't think I don't see how you look at him, you've grown soft Dazai. It's truly a shame.” Mori said, shaking his head as his frown turned to a smirk. “Plus, the dogs miss you.”

Dazai's breath hitched and caught in his throat.

-

Dazai's breathing was ragged. He held his coat closed, seeking any warmth as he exited the building. Blood coated his white shirt and smeared down his face. Bandages askew and starting to undo. His pants were slightly ripped and torn, even having bite marks. But his eyes were dry, no tears permitted to leave, eyes lifeless. Unfeeling. He hated dogs.

It was pitch black outside, probably 1 a.m. Chuuya was probably asleep, and Mori said he didn't have a ride for him back. ‘he’d have to find one on his own.’

He walked a while, well it wasn't that far before he fell on his hands and knees. Blood shot from his mouth and onto the sidewalk. He was dizzy and his legs ached, he was still surprised he even made it out of the building.

Chuuya.

He needed Chuuya. He reached for his phone, grabbing it from his pocket. Blood smeared on the screen as he called Chuuya. The line was silent except for quiet rings. After around a minute the phone picked up. “Chuuya..?” Dazai said to the phone hopefully. 

“What the hell do you want, mackerel? It's 1 o’clock.” A groggy voice said in a yelled whisper on the other line. 

“C… Can you pick me up?” Dazai asked tiredly, his voice a light airy whisper. At this point he was almost fully on the concrete. His voice was shaky and quiet. Chuuya barely heard it from the other side.

“Where the hell are you that you need me picking you up at 1 a.m?” He asked but before Dazai could answer, Chuuya sighed. “Where are you at I'll get my motorcycle and be there soon.” He said, Dazai could fairly hear the rustle of clothes and blankets, and soon the jingling of keys. He stayed silent. Could Dazai even ride on the motorcycle? He's probably too weak to even hold onto Chuuya, him being basically flat on the concrete would agree.

“W-wait, can you just like get a car over here, can you call me a taxi? Or something, I can't go on the motorcycle.” He said. He slowly tried to sit up and move to lean on a nearby streetlight. Chuuya groaned.

“Do you have to be this difficult so late? I know you hate my bike, but I don't have the time to call you a cab, also, no one's awake right now, idiot. Who the hell takes taxis at 1 in the morning?” Chuuya said, in a louder voice on the phone, Dazai just stayed quiet. Then he just sighed

“Okay. Just come and pick me up, I'm at the mafia building.” He said. At this point he could care less if he fell off of the bike, maybe I'll fall off and die, He thought hopefully. Dazai looked at the concrete he was sitting on. He was still bleeding. A circle of dried blood sat around him, and where he had fallen he could see a small pond of his blood. It was a mess. It smelt like iron. He could taste iron in his mouth. And he knew it all too well.

He thought back to the call in which he could hear Chuuya's motorcycle covering his voice, Chuuya was rambling about how stupid it was to have to pick him up, and Dazai didn't hang up. He didn't talk either. Just listened. And it was surprisingly comforting, not the words or meaning behind what Chuuya said, but his voice, the way

he said those words… the lips that said them.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was tired. And angry… but Mostly tired. It was 1 in the morning and he had to pick up that stupid fish. His motorcycle revved as he sped up down the streets, hair blowing in the wind. Why would he even be at the mafia building!? No one would be there. And I thought he was going to the gas station! Chuuya thought angrily. He sped around a sharp corner, his coat flaring out before falling back to his side.

After a few minutes of angrily speeding down the streets, the mafia buildings came into view, the tallest among them all was the main headquarters —where Dazai would most likely be. He rode to the entrance, stopping where the street met the concrete. Parking his bike and getting off he looked around to find Dazai. Who was nowhere to be found. He put his hands in his pockets and started walking on the sidewalk, it was on the side he just came from. After a minute or so of walking he stopped. Pausing. His eyes scanned the sidewalk, the blood. After following it, Chuuya's eyes hesitated on Dazai.

His eyes widened as his breath caught in his throat. Dazai. Bloodied on the floor. Phone still pressed against his ear, even though they had hung up forever ago. He didn't seem awake—maybe passed out? His eyes were closed and the phone was barely being held by his hand which seemed to twitch. A circle of blood around him. His face smudged with blood… and what seemed to be bites. Too big for a human, and where the canines should be, there were small holes in his face. Maybe a dog?

Chuuya ran forward till he could grab Dazai, his bandages messed up, more than he's ever seen, some were fallen and had dirt on them from being against the dirty floor. He shook him. “Dazai.. asshole get up.” He said lightly. Dazai didn't move. He shook him more urgently. “Dazai! You asshole, this isn't funny!” He called, and after some more panicked shakes Dazai coughed. Blood shot out on Chuuya's shirt. It wasn't a large amount —thank god—but coughing up any amount of blood is concerning.

Dazai's eyes narrowed open. His brown eyes meeting Chuuya's. He blinked a few times before his eyes opened fully, he looked around. “Chuuya..?” Dazai asked tiredly. Did he really fall asleep? Chuuya didn't answer, just trying to help Dazai up. While Dazai was getting up his knees buckled and he almost fell again, if Chuuya didn't catch him first—which obviously he did. Dazai coughed again. Everything stung. He just wanted to get to Chuuya's apartment and lay down—maybe even kiss again if that was on the table.

Chuuya struggled to help Dazai to his motorcycle, he wasn't heavy, but it was awkward since Dazai was taller than him. Once they got there it was mostly just making work of getting Dazai to hold on tight enough. Dazai’s hands were shaking, and arms wrapped around Chuuya's waist so he couldn't fall off as easily as if it was just his hands. The bike started up, and they drove home. 

It was cold outside. The breeze as they drove down the road was chilling. Dazai hated the cold. He had been left in the cold multiple times, nothing to hold onto, nothing waiting for him, never a place to go— Nobody to let him in, even when they've been there to see him suffer. But with Chuuya, he's always been allowed in. Never having to be cold with Chuuya. And maybe this time, he would allow himself to get closer to Chuuya on the motorcycle. Maybe he could finally feel comfort in the cold, finding his heat source. The one light that wouldn't burn out and leave him in a snowstorm, something to give him hope. Dazai pushed his chest flush against Chuuya's back. Feeling his warmth in the cold— just this time, he'll let himself be selfish. Let himself enjoy the warmth.

-

After they got back home Dazai—painstakingly slow— made it up the stairs, with only a few small falls, but Chuuya always caught him. They soon made it into the apartment. Chuuya helped Dazai with everything, getting new bandages — didn't put them on, because lanai wouldn't want him too and  he respected Dazai's privacy— helped him get new clothes, helped him clean up wounds on his face and cleaned off any blood. As much as he could to keep Dazai as still as possible.

They were sitting on the couch, quietly watching a show. Did Chuuya want to ask what happened? Absolutely. But he won't. One because he knows it would make Dazai uncomfortable, and two because he's already pretty sure what happened. Most likely a dog attack from the bite marks, why Dazai was at the port mafia building was beyond Chuuya. But he believes he'll figure it out at one point or another. He trusted Dazai, and if Dazai trusted him too then he'd tell him. Right?

Well it didn't matter now. It was 2 o’clock and Chuuya will be damned if he stays up any longer. He stands up, attaching his hands over his head as he looks at Dazai. “I'm heading to bed, ya’ coming?” He asked, and Dazai nodded.

“Yeah, I'll come too.” He says as he gets up and stands by Chuuya, it was an awkward silence for a few seconds before they even started walking. But soon enough Chuuya held out his hand between the two of them, and Dazai took it. With hands intertwined, they walked to their room.

Silence

“Can we kiss again?” Dazai asked, and Chuuya just looked at him with a red face and wide eyes. “What? I've heard kisses help heal wounds!” Dazai defended and Chuuya still looked shocked, and as red as a tomato.

Then, Chuuya laughed. “Fine, if it makes you heal quicker..” Dazai grinned toothily. And right before getting into bed they kissed. It was nice, Chuuya's soft lips against Dazai's chapped ones. It wasn't long, or passionate, or whatever else a kiss is supposed to be. But to them, it was the world. And the second kiss is always better than the first, because when it comes down to it, the first kiss sparks it, and the second lights it. It wasn't a false spark. Something that was going to flame up and become something real.

And maybe, between them, they could become something real. Something more than partners. Something like ‘lovers’

Chapter Text

So I have no idea if I'm going to finish this fic, I don't know if I have anywhere for this to even go. It just feels like I'm loosing the point, so I might try to get them to date, or I might discontinue it. I'll try to figure out how to get a few more chapters on that don't feel like pointless,. But I've been wanting to start a zombie apocalypse skk fic, so I might just start them at one. 😶