Chapter Text
Ariana
“Straw Hat,”
My nails dug themselves into the palms of my hands as my voice wavered. The sharp pain at their center kept my mind from wandering too far and throwing itself off the cliffs of the darkest theories it could conjure up in these few moments. The way my teeth grinded together and my jaw set itself into place caught the attention of the rest of the crew mates that had gathered around. Determination and even some desperation was seeping from my pores and radiating off me as I stood surrounded by the Straw Hat pirates and in front of their captain. I wasn’t leaving without getting what I wanted and they knew that, but that didn’t stop me from bracing myself to fight for it. I wasn’t backing down. Not from this.
“Straw Hat… please”
The crack in my voice made my own confidence in myself falter for a moment. They all heard it, I know. Even with the waves crashing and gliding against the sides of the ship and the whistle of the wind in my ears swiping at my brown curls couldn’t drown it out. Still, my feet stay planted firmly on the deck of the Thousand Sunny.
Things were different here than back on the Polar Tang. You can hear the waves and sea currents fight against the sides of the ship knocking against the wooden curves. You can smell the crisp salty air as it dances under your nose when the wind picks up and blows into the large flapping sails above you. All of this is different from Captain Law’s ship. Or rather… I shouldn't call him my captain anymore, should I? I made my choice so now it’s up to me to follow through with it. I have closed that chapter of my life and abandoned what I thought was for me. I just need to get back home and Monkey D. Luffy along with his Straw Hat pirates are my only hope right now.
“Let me join your ship until I can go back to my home island,”
Nothing. Not a single hint of any kind of emotion crosses Luffy’s face as my plea echoes on the breeze. Only the clack of swords against one another catch my attention and when I turn I'm faced off with Roronoa Zoro.
“You’re from Tra-guy’s crew. Why aren’t you asking him to take you home?” he speaks up.
As I face him I realize two things. One: if there’s anyone I need to convince to let me stay aboard it’s this man. Luffy’s first mate and right hand man: Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro. Two: somehow he’s not as intimidating as when he’s on the battlefield but you can still feel this air that swirls about him that commands nothing but respect. Almost as if looking at him he dares you to challenge him and make a fool of yourself. If I am to convince him I cannot make a mistake. It’s as if I make one wrong move and he won’t hesitate to throw me off the side of the ship himself with his bare hands. He doesn’t want convincing. He wants my truth.
“I won’t bore you to death with a sob story nor will I try to sway your pity and sympathy. All you need to know is that I left the Heart Pirates for my own reasons. I can’t ask something of someone I no longer consider my captain,” I manage to say with an even voice. Though that doesn’t stop the fiery sting behind my eyes as it takes everything in me to keep my dignity. They’ve seen me in more pitiful ways than now and I refuse for that to be my downfall. His eyes narrow at my response.
“Yet you can ask it of our captain?”
“That’s why I have asked to join even if only until the next island. I don’t expect you to let me catch a ride for free. Though you all have seen me in a worse state than now, I do not expect a hand out. I can pull my own weight and make myself useful in return for allowing me to stay. I did everything you can think of back on the Polar Tang. I cook, clean, fight, and I kept travel logs for the captain. I could entertain with stories and dance. I could do it all,”
“Why would Law let someone like you just walk away if you could do all that? You seem to be a pretty valuable asset,” asked Nami.
I turned my head to meet her eyes filled with confusion and skepticism at my statement. Her orange locks whip around her face as the wind blows and she places her arms folded across her chest.
“I left without him getting a word in edgewise. I’m a jack of all trades and the rest of the crew is the same. Everyone else really only had their respective areas of expertise while I was simply a back up for most of them,” That answer seemed to satisfy her and she nodded. I turned back to Luffy who still stood there without a single change in emotion on his face.
“Please. You can dump me off on the closest island if you don’t want to deal with me and I’ll find my own passage home from there if I have to. I’ll still carry my weight even from now until then. I’ve taken too much of your resources already without paying you back. Just please… please let me join you,” I pleaded.
Again nothing. I all but crouched in a ready position to throw myself from the deck and off the side of the ship when a large grin cracked across Luffy’s face.
“What kind of entertainment did you do on Tra-guy’s ship?” he asked. Bewildered, my mouth flaps open and close before I find my words.
“I used to tell stories and danced,” I finally managed. Luffy chuckled and stretched out his hand to me.
“You’ve got to show us around when we get you home,” he said. My eyes widened and a crooked smile charmed my lips.
“You mean you’ll let me stay?” my hope couldn’t help but peek through in my words.
“Why not? It would be fun to have someone to tell us stories,” he laughed.
A rush of relief and excitement overwhelmed me as I shot my hand forward and grasped his with my own. The tension and anxiety that was previously being held in my body vanished and I could feel my shoulders fall with ease. This was it. This was my first step to moving forward and past this point of my life.
“Thank you Captain!” I exclaimed. The goofiest grin spread across Luffy’s face and a little giggle escaped his lips.
“Geez. Just ‘Luffy’ is fine otherwise it’s going to go to his head,” a puff of smoke followed those words as they left Sanji’s mouth.
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing with watery eyes. I looked around at the rest of the crew and took in the sight of the people I would take care of now and who would take care of me. Even if I wasn’t going to be with them long I could tell that this would be an interesting time.
Three weeks earlier
The sharp thunk of the knife hitting the wood of the cutting board bounced off the metal walls in the kitchen of the Polar Tang. The sharp knife glided through the vegetables as I prepared a late night snack for Captain Law and the helmsman Hakugan. Aside from myself and them no one else is awake this late into the night. At least I think it’s night. It’s hard to tell when the ship is underwater what time of day it is. Still it’s only just a small price to pay for the choice I made to follow my captain. People fear the “Surgeon of Death” Trafalgar Law but not me. He rescued me. And if hardly seeing the sun or not knowing the time of day is the price to stay by his side then I’m willing to pay that price.
Crackling and popping come from the pot in front of me as I slowly ease the potato patty from my hand into the oil in the pot. I can’t help but think about that day when Captain Law saved me from being placed on that slave ship. Sometimes I think it wasn’t by chance and it was truly fate that brought him to me. I was only 19 that day when I stumbled across that surly man. Makes me giggle to myself when I think of such a scary looking man loving such cute things such as Bepo the navigator. If I hadn't caught that small detail as he saw the plush bear charm I made hanging from my bag I probably wouldn’t have bargained my way onto his crew. Though most wouldn’t call what he did anything to boast about I still think he was kind when he fended off those slave traders. He could’ve walked away but instead listened to what I had to say.
My thoughts came to a halt when I looked down at the plates I set up. A few fried potato patties with some carrots and celery sticks. I ready the plates on the tray and begin my descent down the metal halls to the navigation room where Captain Law and Hakugan were working on charting the course and calculating inventory for the next pit stop. As I reach the navigation room I stop and carefully balance the tray with one arm and land a swift knock on the door. I hear footsteps on the other side and the handle clicks as I grab the tray with both hands once more. I take a step back as the door opens and am brought face to face with the man that holds all my adoration.
Trafalgar Law has never failed to make me lose my sense of direction and make my heart forget to beat. He has a presence about him that makes it so that you can’t help but stop and marvel at him. His cool and aloof exterior matches the cunning and calculating eyes that hide under the brim of his hat. When you get to know him you become even more awestruck with the man. Things that seem so trifling and silly or you wouldn’t think twice about are things that crowd his mind. Despite resuming the mature role of the Captain of his ship he’s still quite the child at heart. The goatee on his face, the quiet yet raspy voice that escapes his lips when he speaks, the sharp eyes, the color of the sun peaking out after a storm at sea… it all betrays the childish heart of gold he has underneath. He brightens my day without realizing it and I can't help but smile when I see him.
“I’ve brought you some snacks to help keep your energy up while you two work,” I beamed up at him.
He looked down to meet my eyes and my stomach couldn’t help but flip silly in my body as he looked at me. He nods his head and steps to the side while holding the door open for me. I quickly walk into the room and spot the table he was previously working at with Hakugan still leaning over papers. As I approach the table he finally looks up. There’s hints of bags forming under his eyes and I could tell I came just in time because he perks up the moment he sees the tray of food I’m carrying.
“Ariana! What are you still doing awake?” he says. I chuckle a little as I place the plates on a clear spot he made on the table.
“You really didn’t think I would let you two work this late without having something to snack on would you? Captain hardly touched his food at dinner and when I didn’t see you both getting ready for bed I figured you two would be working on the route and inventory late into the night,” I explained.
“You shouldn’t have Ariana,” Hakugan coos. I smile and hug the tray to my chest. “So what did you make this time?”
“Nothing much. Just some fried potato patties with carrot and celery sticks. Last thing I want is for you guys to have trouble sleeping with a bloated stomach,” I say. Hakugan bites into a celery stick and shakes his head.
“Instead of worrying about us you should’ve gotten some sleep yourself. It’s pretty late and you’ve been in the kitchen most of the day. You must be pretty tired,”
“It’s nothing,” I waved him off. “I’m fairly sure I’ll be up a little longer anyway. You guys have been working hard so I’m sure you need the energy,”
“Still Ariana…”
I smiled and Hakugan couldn’t help but throw me a smile anyway. Though his brows knit together with worry he couldn’t fight the chuckle we shared. He continued to munch on the celery stick in his hand when I felt a hand placed on my back making me tense up. I turned to see Captain Law staring down at me to my right. It still amazes me how he towers over most of us on the ship. My 5’6” is a mere nothing to his 6' 3” and when he stands so close it’s very clear.
Everything in the moment registers in my head at last. His hand gracing my lower back with only the slightest bit of pressure as if to let me know that his hand is even there. The small distance between our bodies that with only the smallest step from one of us toward the other and we would be holding one another in an embrace. The heat blooming across my body with the brush of red I have no doubt accompanies it. I could feel it growing steadily across my face reaching the tips of my ears. Even my shoulders and hands feel as if they were on fire.
“You should get some sleep Ariana,” Captain Law says.
Good gods. I could kiss this man.
My eyes widen at the thought that flashes across my mind and I quickly nod before looking down.
“Yes Captain. I’ll just wash up and head to bed then. Goodnight sir. Goodnight Haku,”
I excuse myself and swiftly make my way back to the kitchen to tidy up before I head to bed. On my way back to the kitchen everything finally sinks in and I’m left dumbfounded staring blankly in the doorway of the kitchen. I start grinning like a fool on cloud nine as I recall the whole moment between the captain and I. I hardly get to be that close to him let alone have him be the one to move towards me. He even placed his hand on my back as he stood next to me! I sound like a silly little school girl when I think about it but I don't care. That moment was more than enough to add fuel to the fire of my adoration of the captain.
As I giggle to myself replaying every little detail in my mind I notice the little sauce dishes holding my special dipping sauce for the potatoes sitting on the counter. I must’ve forgotten to place them on the tray. Maybe I really was that tired? Might as well bring these to the captain and Hakugan before they finish their potatoes. I carefully picked up the dishes and made my way back down the hall as fast as I could. As I approached the navigation room once more I could hear voices coming from inside. The closer I got the easier it was to notice the door had been left open just a bit.
“Ahh I love when Ariana makes snacks. Even the simplest dishes seem to taste like a gourmet dish when she cooks,” I hear Hakugan munching away making me slow my footsteps so I can hear. I can’t help but smile at his praises. I strain my ear hoping to hear the captain say something.
“There was no need for her to go out of her way to make all this. She should’ve been sleeping,” I finally hear Captain Law say.
“Don’t be like that Captain. She just worries about us is all,”
“It’s unnecessary. She does things unwarranted at her expense. It’s tiresome to watch,”
Tiresome? Captain finds me tiresome? I inch closer to try and hear more of their conversation before I make myself known.
“Aren’t you going to eat Captain?” I hear Hakugan ask. Captain Law hasn’t eaten the food I made? I hear a rumbling sigh and some rustling before the sound of a plate scraping a table floods my ears.
“Go ahead and eat it. I don’t want it,”
My heart hurts a little hearing the captain reject the food I made. If he didn’t want that I would’ve been happy to make him something else instead. Why didn’t he tell me? I’m about to push on forward when I hear another sigh. This one was different. It was a sigh full of pity.
“Y’know Captain you should try to be a bit nicer to her. Ariana I mean. She puts a lot of thought into everything she does for you sir,” I hear Hakugan say. Oh gods… he knows?
“What do you mean? It’s not like I ask her to do these things,” I hear the captain grumble.
“You don’t have to ask her Captain. She’d do it either way because she likes you,”
He did know. Oh no.
I almost drop the dishes in my hands when I hear the words leave Hakugan’s mouth. Time almost feels like it stands still as I feel the pressure in my heart make it creak like glass as the cracks begin to form. I shake my head and try to focus on the conversation between Hakugan and Captain Law at this moment.
“She’s only a girl, Captain. It wouldn’t hurt to allow her some leniency. Even Bepo has taken quite a liking to her. I’ve seen him wander around for her when he wants someone to take a nap with,” Hakugan continues.
“Ikkaku is also a girl and does her job just fine without wearing herself out. Bepo is easy to win over as well. That’s not such a difficult feat she’s accomplished,” grumbled the Captain.
“Sir she’s a sweet kid. It wouldn’t kill you to let her pamper you or praise her for what she does. She just wants to win your affection. Letting her get close wouldn’t hurt a little,”
“Enough. We still have work to do. Finish your food so we can get this done and go to sleep,”
“Yes sir,”
I don’t bother with giving them the sauces and instead quietly turn on my heel and slink away back to the kitchen. Wave after wave of emotions swirl through my body making me feel all kinds of nauseous as I try to keep my balance walking down the corridor. I don’t even notice when I make it back to the kitchen and begin cleaning it up. My daze seems to cloud my mind more and more as thoughts swim through my head and the words the Captain and Hakugan shared echo in my ears.
Was I really that much of an annoyance to the Captain? Did he really find my efforts to gain his favor so tiresome that he’d rather I leave him to his own devices like everyone else does? The other crew members dote and follow him blindly all the same yet he finds an issue when it’s me that does it. Could it be that the feelings I hold for him yet don’t express make him uncomfortable? Come to think of it, I bargened my way onto the ship. Could it be that Captain Law hasn’t completely tolerated me since that day he helped me?
I dry and put away the final dishes and as I make my way to the washroom I feel my feet start to ache and my shoulders grow heavy. I can’t stop hearing their conversation in the navigation room play out in my head. My body grows tired with every passing moment yet my mind races like it could go on forever. As I lay in my bunk I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks hearing nothing but Hakugan and Captain Law’s conversation playing on and on in my head. Soon my eyes close and instead of the calming sound of the ship gliding through the sea the sound of my heart cracking like glass under pressure is my lullaby for the night.
***
As the week went on my mind and heart couldn’t move forward from that night I listened in on the Captain’s conversation with Hakugan. My head knew that it was best to forget and try to get over my stupid little delusions that I have of the Captain but at the same time every fiber of my being told me it wasn’t fair to let go of my feelings for him when I hadn’t even worked up the nerve to tell him.
All week I had asked myself questions regarding the Captain and myself. Did all this time mean nothing to him? Did he ever really see me as part of the crew? Question after question popped into my head. Was I really so delusional and lost in my own world? If he didn’t care to have me here, why didn’t he just drop me off at the next island? Why didn’t he just tell me to leave if he couldn’t tolerate me?
I gazed out to the sea leaning my elbows on the railing of the deck while glancing at the drying laundry on the clothesline flapping in the wind. Memories flashed across my eyes as I tried to dig into my memory for even a hint that my doubt in my captain is foundationless. Moments in battle where the captain would fight with me back to back. Him manipulating our surroundings with his devil fruit powers and I with my trusty pistols covering his back from advancing enemies. Hours upon hours of me learning new skills to better aid him and the other members while we are at sea. Nights when we would feast out on the deck under the stars and the others would ask for me to tell stories or sing and dance for them. Nice sunny days when Bepo would ask to rise to the surface for a nap in the sun and beg the captain to join the two of us for a nap on the deck.
Were those all just a passing moment for him? Did they truly mean nothing for no one but me? All this time I hadn’t bothered to realize I saw things that were nothing to him through rose tinted glasses. I allowed for my feelings to cloud my sight and put meaning to pointless moments in time. A sigh escaped my lips as I felt my throat close up a bit and my eyes started to sting a little.
“Ariana?”
I quickly tried to calm myself before turning around to see Bepo who called out to me standing at the door leading the deck. I give him a smile and he approaches me with a worried look on his face. He leans on the railing with me and I lean into him to keep the breeze from nipping at my skin any longer.
Being a minks from the island of Zou came in handy. Especially since the captain loved bears. Bepo was a cute little guy despite not actually being quite so little. Matter of fact, he towered over me as well and rivaled even the captain in height. He was covered in the softest white fur and had the cutest little ears that wiggled when he tried to hide his excitement. He was really the first one to make me feel welcomed on the Polar Tang aside from Ikkaku. It didn’t take long for us to become close friends and nap buddies.
Yes, Bepo has always been kind to me. Everything with him and the other crew members has been real. I just know it. I release a deep sigh and lean in closer to his side as I reason with myself to keep from going insane over thinking about everything.
“Ariana? Are you ok?” Bepo asks, looking down at me. I look up at him in return with my brows furrowed.
“What do you mean Bepo?” I asked. Bepo sighed and looked back to the sea.
“You’ve been spacing out all week,” His answer takes me a little aback still he continues. “We’ve been worried about you,” he frowns.
“There’s no need to worry, Bepo. I’ve just… been thinking about something recently,”
Bepo nuzzles closer to me and places an arm around me. I toss him a half smile and that seems to loosen the tightly knit eyebrows on his face. He tosses me a strained smile and turns back to look at the sea with me. Moments pass and the sound of shirts and sheets flapping in the salty sea air fills the silence between us. Suddenly his ears perk up and he nudges me.
“So your birthday is coming up next week. Have you thought about what you want?” Bepo asked excitedly. I chuckle and give it a brief thought.
“My birthday? I haven’t really thought about it much if I’m being honest,”
“You’re turning 23 next week and you haven’t given it a thought?”
“What is there for me to ask for?” a sly smile forms on my lips as I lean back to fake a thinking gesture. Bepo frowns and crosses his arms causing me to laugh. I lightly grasp his wrists to tug at them and hold his hands.
“I’m serious Ari,” I chuckled. I drop his hands and place my own on my hips faking dramatic offense.
“So am I!” That earns me a skeptical look. A soft grin finds its way on to my face as I turn back to lean over the railing again.
“Really Bepo,” I urged, “ I don’t really need anything. I’ve learned not to be so greedy with things in life. Otherwise my luck strikes back at me,”
“Well that’s a grim way of looking at things,” he frowned. I let out a breathy chuckle as I wrap both my arms around his furry one.
“It’s just experience. I gave my all to someone I loved and in the end I realized I wasn’t actually doing anything for them besides causing them problems. It’s nothing personal Bepo. I’ve just learned to keep my distance from indulgence,”
“I’m sorry Ariana. I didn’t mean to make you bring that up,” his ears bend down a little and I squeeze his arm.
“Don’t worry about it Bepo. I’ve got everything to make me happy right here with all of you,” I lowered my voice hoping my whispers would be lost on the wind.
“At least for a little while longer,”
“Ari wha-“
Bepo is cut short when the familiar creak of the metal door leading to the deck resounds behind us. Out pops Iakkuk smiling like a kid on holiday.
“There you are! Come inside. Captain has an announcement,”
Bepo and I smile and turn to collect the laundry off the lines. Once everything was put away we made our way inside to the common area where everyone else was. Bepo sits on the ground and makes space for me to sit in his lap. He takes a glance around then leans closer to me.
“Looking for the Captain too?” He says quietly so only I could hear. My cheeks flush slightly as I realize that he was right. I mentally scold myself just as the captain walks in.
“Ok everyone listen up,” the room quiets as Captain Law’s voice rises above everyone’s chatter. He takes a once over of the room before moving to the center.
“We are moving faster than scheduled so we will be hitting land earlier than expected. Instead of eleven days we will be surfacing in five,”
Bepo pats my arms in excitement at the captain’s announcement. “You hear that Ari? We’re going to be on land for your birthday this year. Now we can really celebrate,”
“That’s right! You’re going to be 23 this year and you’ve been with us for four years. We have to have a feast once we’re on land,” chimed Hakugan. Everyone began getting excited and Haku turned to the Captain.
“We can make an exception this time right Captain?” The pointed tone didn’t escape my ears as Hakugan asked. Panicked I looked to the Captain and before he could even get an answer out my own words stumbled out of my mouth.
“It’s ok Haku. There’s no need to go through all the trouble. I’m happy to just grab a drink with everyone once we dock,” Too embarrassed to look anyone in the eye, I look down at my hands folded in my lap.
Damn it Haku. I know he’s just trying to get the Captain to soften up on me to help me but it’s more embarrassing than anything. Now everyone is going to understand what you’re trying to do. We’ve never celebrated anyone’s anniversary here on the ship so why start with me? I glance up at the crew and see them all looking either at me with pity or at the Captain with pleading in their eyes. Oh good gods I’ve never wanted to disappear more than now. I’ve been put on the spot and unfortunately Captain Law has been dragged into this with me. I refuse to make eye contact with the Captain but I could feel him boring his gaze into the top of my head as I look down. Suddenly his sigh cuts through the tension of the room and anticipation rises.
“Why humble yourself now?” He mumbles. “If you don’t want a feast then when we dock I’ll personally buy you a drink as a congratulatory gift for all these years of loyalty,” he says.
My head shoots up and my eyes meet the Captain’s. Those gentle grey eyes swirling with an emotion that is unknown to me. The Captain had never done anything like this. Not for me at least. Naturally Captain Law has his favorites in the crew and even more naturally I wasn’t one of them. Even after that night of me eavesdropping on his and Haku’s conversation I still can’t get over the tingly feeling Captain Law’s stare sends all over my body. Like it’s buzzing from the sheer excitement that he’s looking at and taking the time to notice me, as corny as that sounds.
He doesn’t care to see anyone that holds no interest for him in any way. Faces and names aren’t a concern for him when he doesn’t find a person useful or extraordinary. The only reason he cares to remember me is because I bartered my way on his ship and into his crew. As I remember that night I need to remember that he doesn’t even find me useful but instead a nuisance. I really want him to buy me that drink but I can’t do that. Not when it’s out of pity. I still want to keep my pride as a woman in some capacity.
“Captain that’s-“ suddenly a thought crosses my mind. A small idea blooms in the back of my mind and all the pieces click into place. This might be the only chance I’ve got to make this work. I bite my tongue and swallow back the bile rising up in my throat just thinking of this plan.
“That’s very thoughtful of you. I’d like to take you up on that offer then before we head off the island,” I smile at him. He nods and continues on with the meeting.
The meeting wasn’t long and not a lot was said but not a single thing made its way through my ears. The only thought that occupied my mind was gathering my things. I’ve only got this one chance of getting this done with. Plans of what I need to say and how to get everything done without anyone else noticing were racing through my mind with every possibility and every outcome. Still, no matter what was said or what would happen during this drink I knew one thing for certain. I had to leave the Polar Tang and Captain Law when we docked at the next island.