Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She has waited several days for this moment, for the day when most people will not go to the harbor at night. She would normally spend a Sunday night like this in January resting, but today was the day. The day she had been waiting for for three months.

She placed the birthday cake on the table and stroked the lettering again, which no longer had any meaning. Just several letters with no meaning. But she couldn't stop thinking about it, that damn name.

Half crying, she walked towards the harbor, where most of the tourists usually were.

Chapter Text

“And you're scared of water”

Louise will probably be pleased, I thought to myself. She was always so beautiful when she smiled at you in the café. She had been one of the most beautiful people in my life for a good five years. The only person who could do the race with her would be Ardian, but he doesn't like men. So there was only Louise in my love life.

With a small bunch of flowers under my jacket I walked through the city, it was late summer in Copenhagen, the wind, the temperature and the sun were playing a perfect symphony, not too hot, not too cold, just right, a perfect day to confess love to someone.

I wore my best street clothes, a brown jacket, the best blue jeans, a black t-shirt from my favorite band and a red hat. I hope Louise is happy, I smiled. 

Soon there, just one more turn, I'll see the beautiful houses again, only in a different light. I turned around, opened the door and went into the little Café Sirenen. Where is Louise now? I asked myself and joined the queue.

Café Sirenen was a cozy place, big floor-to-ceiling windows, warm fairy lights and two aquariums, one with axolotls and one with tropical fish. The furnishings were in keeping with the name of the cafe. Most of the people who come here are young artists and students. I fitted in perfectly, as young graphic designer.

In front of me was a young man with the same jacket as me, but what made us different apart from our looks was that he was wearing a pair of red shell earrings. The man in front of me took a step forward. I followed him slowly, slowly I turned around, oh god, Louise was now standing at the till. Great, just as I was calming down. Where was the flower bush? Crap crap crap, where was it? I started to panic inside, what if the flower bush had now broken in my pocket? Also panicking, I began to fumble with my jacket. The cotton fabric was so velvety, just like Louise, damn it, fiddling with the jacket wasn't helping. I was getting more and more annoyed. The man with the same jacket as me walked away with his coffee. I should order now and oh dear, Louise smiled at me. Just don't look nervous.

“A matcha latte and a latte machiato with honey please,” I ordered. I wasn't sick, but I sounded like a dying rat

“Not the usual?” Louise asked playfully

“No, the latte machiato with honey is for you,” I tried to say flirtatiously, which sounded rather funny.

As a distraction, I quickly scanned my card over the card scanner. I should get the flowers out now, I thought

"Really? Thanks Søren, tell me is something wrong with you?"

Oh damn, she's already figured it out...

“Eh, maybe yes”

Oh God, it's embarrassing. In a panic, I pulled the flower bush out of my jacket pocket 

“I know this is very random, but please don't be weird”

I took a deep breath

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

The room changed, unlike in movies, not quietly. No one noticed anything. Luckily, no one was standing behind me. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Louise with an extremely soft gaze, who stared back at me with her almost yellow eyes.

“I...” she took a deep breath "Søren, I like you too, but not in that way, but as a friend. You're a great person, but I don't see anything romantic between us."

Ah, you did a great job. What the hell am I supposed to do?

“I'll... I'll take the coffees with me,” I replied, half crying “See you sometime then”

The two minutes I waited for the two coffees. My head was flooded with thoughts, the signs were always right. Louise was single, we'd got on really well since school, she loved roses and, oh ... no, let's not talk about it. Why me? Surely I can't die alone? The only person I ever loved had friendzoned me.

Chapter Text

That was the worst coffee-buying moment of my entire life. Now I was standing outside the café with two coffees and a bunch of flowers. The weather wasn't really playing in my favor either, it was shaking like the world was about to end, walking home would be next to impossible and I didn't have any money left for the bus. The only person who could drive me home would be my sister, Brigit, or Gigi.

I quickly took out my cell phone and called Gigi

Brigit

...it rings

“Søren?” came from the other end

“Ey, uhh, Gigi, could you pick me up?” I asked Gigi, almost crying

Gigi fell silent for a moment and returned with an extremely worried “Are you OK?”

“We can talk about that in a minute, but could you please drive me home, I've run out of money for the bus”

“Yeah, it's fine, ey where are you?”

“Café Sirenen”, I wailed “Please hurry”

Gigi hung up and texted me that she would be there in ten minutes. In the meantime, I moved myself under a roof and started drinking the honey latte. It was nice to drink coffee in the cold rainy weather, but it wasn't for me, considering that I had bought this coffee for someone who had rejected me. The coffee was definitely too sweet, not for me. I put the coffee on a garbage can and started to drink the other coffee.

Suddenly I remembered that I had to send an order from a tourism company back home. Great, my heart was broken and I had to upload another order. The order was to be based on the statue of the Little Mermaid, as the company was particularly based on the life of Hans Christian Andersen. 

Just as I was starting to think about him being a soprano, Gigi's car pulled up in front of me.

Almost completely soaked from the rain, I got in.

“What was that all about?” asked Gigi

I took a deep breath, but I sucked snot rather than air into my nose 

“Do you have a tissue?” I stuttered

Gigi conjured up a tissue from the compartment between the seats and pressed it against my nose. I took a deep breath and blew my nose. Suddenly I burst into tears. My eyes felt like those waterfalls in Canada that I've forgotten the name of. My whole body was shaking, my nose started to itch and everything seemed blurry. I let out a strange cry, not sad, not angry, more like an annoyed cat. For some reason, I started kicking the car door with my legs

“I was”, short pause ‘friendzoned’

Gigi was speechless and now stared at the traffic lights in front of her “By who?”, she asked

“Louise Uhre, this friend of mine that I've known since sixth form”

“Was she with anyone?”, Gigi inquired as she turned on a random playlist

"No, single, not with anyone, not even lesbian or anything. She just didn't like me, so there's nothing wrong with that. Should I cut off contact?"

“Hell no”, Gigi demanded “At least you're still friends”

“I can only see love between us”, I grumbled 

Gigi got a little more annoyed but still managed to calm down “Your choice if you want”

She leaned back and drove on. It would take a good fifteen minutes to get to my apartment. I leaned my cold face against the window pane, which was dripping with rain. Just as I was about to cry, Gigi's playlist played “Wasted Love”

“I'm an ocean of love, and you're scared of water”

Great, it's pouring like hell outside, I've been friendzoned and I feel like shit. It's sad when you're still single at 23

My best friend, Lothar, was already engaged. What do I do? 

“You left me in a deep end”

Thanks Louise, I thought

I knew Gigi loved the song with all her heart. She bet 200 kronens against me that this song would win Eurovision, which it did, Gigi loved the song that much. But now the song fits a little too well, far too well. Normally I would tell Gigi to switch off a song but somehow the melancholy mood in the car fitted perfectly. Although I felt like puking and wanted to cry, the song was perfect for venting.

Gigi was able to play Wasted Love without any problems. She actually wanted to study music, but she messed up the entrance exam, literally messed up. Despite everything, she remained optimistic and decided to become an aerospace engineer. 

If I had messed up my entrance exam to art school, I would certainly have completely freaked out.

“Now that you're gone, can't fill my heart, with wasted love”

Why does this song fit so well? God, Søren, the song is about breaking up and the relationship didn't even happen with you, I thought. My eyes were threatening to fill up, I picked up my hat and crunched my fingers on it to get rid of my stress. In the meantime, Gigi mumbled the song lyrics to herself and turned left. My hand started to press on the metal parts of the hat. It hurt, sure, but it was also somehow soothing. Despite everything, I started to cry. Before I died completely, I took a big sip of coffee. Oh dear, the coffee was burning hot, surely it had been sitting out long enough? I coughed so hard that it sounded like I was drowning 

“I'm floating all alone, still I'm holding on to hope”

I guess I wasn't holding on to hope much anymore, more like I was drowning over a coffee. With a painful gulp, I spat a third onto my cap and swallowed the rest into my digestive system

“Remember when JJ almost died over an ice cube after he won?” Gigi mumbled, tiredly

“Mhm,” I blurted out

Oh Gigi and her music, which I never understood. Lothar was also music-oriented.

“Wasted love, this wasted lo-”

The techno part of the song began to play. It's an interactive part but it made me kind of tired, I leaned my head even more against the window pane and closed my eyes

Chapter Text

I nodded off for the rest of the car journey and was then woken up by Gigi. Completely exhausted, soaked and half-soaked in spit-out coffee, I walked to my little one-bedroom apartment in Nørrenbro. My parents had chosen this flat and I was currently paying rent there. Damn, I thought, mom and dad have invited me over for dinner at the weekend. I don't care who I'm with, I have to make myself something to eat now

I threw my hat in the washing machine and threw my jacket on the floor, followed by my shoes. Shakily, I went into the kitchen and took a big pot of pasta salad from the previous day out of the fridge. I used to joke with Lothar that pasta salad would cure any heartache. Now I put the pasta salad to the test

I put the pasta salad on my desk and opened it, it smelled deliciously of tomatoes and parmesan. Suddenly I felt like I was going to throw up. I quickly ran to the bathroom. I leaned my whole head over the toilet, this honey coffee had done nothing good. My eyes suddenly started to water without warning. I spat something out of my mouth and leaned further against the hard porcelain in my bathroom. Damn it, Søren, be strong, not everyone dares-no, no, no, no one wants me. What the hell is going on here? Why do I feel so insecure at home? What does Louise think of me now? Is Gigi getting on my nerves? What if Louise just hated me from minute one? Oh God, oh God. Could it be that I'll be alone for the rest of my life? What will happen if I get a man as a life partner instead of a woman. Mom and Dad didn't even know about my non-existent love life. Lothar was already engaged, so it was good for him that he found Ríke. It's bad for me that I'm alone.

I can't take it anymore, oh God, I went to my bedroom soaked in tears.

Quickly upload the order, come on Søren, download and quickly send the mail. @gmail.com...... Done. I am partially liberated

I stabbed the noodle wildly with a fork on my desk and stuffed it into my mouth. No idea if it will help but something is missing. Music. Gigi should have sent me her playlist, my mind muttered as I turned on my radio. 

Great, now Wasted Love is playing again, I thought, the world must have something against me. I stuffed a good amount of noodles into my mouth. The shit tastes good, but I still feel bad, or rather, empty. All the emotions in the world are playing around right now, but it still feels empty. More pasta salad, my hand thought. 

Why is my life such a misery? Why have all my friends achieved something? Why am I still single? Fortunately, I have enough money, although. I paused for a moment, money is not the most important thing in life. I ate two more forkfuls of pasta salad

The radio was now playing Lady Gaga, better than heartbreak again. I slumped down on my desk at the thought and stuck my fork into the huge bowl. Bravo, Søren, you deliberately ate the whole portion of pasta salad and you still feel like a piece of shit. Pasta salad doesn't help against heartbreak.

I'd like to carry on eating, but I don't feel like cooking either. Oh Søren, just go to sleep now. I slowly dragged myself into the bathroom to get undressed. What's Louise doing tonight? I asked myself. It's only seven o'clock in the evening. Maybe she had a boyfriend the whole time? I thought as I put on my pyjamas. What if this was all just a dream? I blinked three times, stared at my reflection in the mirror, walked out of the bathroom, threw myself on the bed, stared at the clock on my wall. Oh God, the radio was still on. I ran over, turned off the music and went to bed. Why did I go to bed so early? Never mind Søren, just sleep in and hope it was all just a confusing dream.

I switched off the light and wrapped myself in my blanket. Warhowl, my owl plushie that I got from Ardian, was also tucked in. Wow, Ardian and Louise both rejected me. It was indirect with Ardian, but not with Louise. She said to my face that she only sees us as friends. God, I haven't been in contact with Ardian for years, should I stop writing to Louise too? Maybe an internet break would be good, even if I don't do much on my cell phone. 

My eyes are suddenly playing waterfall again, why is everything I do besides my job not appreciated? My watercolor art? Everyone thinks it's too "not modern". Playing the guitar? I'm not good enough. Love life? We don't talk about it. I smear my eyes across the blanket and start bawling. My quiet sobs resounded throughout my room. Maybe I'm too much. Is that why no one loves me? Or am I too passionate about one person?

Chapter Text

Gigi took me to a concert when I was 15. It was a concert by some band I didn't know. Gigi thought I would really like concerts. The problem was, I somehow never liked concerts. It was always so loud, there were always so many strangers and somehow I was always claustrophobic. Something could always happen. My fear of concerts got even worse after a firework was thrown on stage at one of Lothar's concerts. Since then, I've always avoided music events. And clubbing? Not with me. Although Caspian, Lothar and Marina drag me out to party from time to time, I usually sit at the bar with earplugs or headphones.

Another experience with music events was that I was also indirectly rejected by Ardian. We had to go to an opera for school for some reason, I think it was something by Rossini, and after the performance we spent the night at Aksel's house. Lothar then suggested we spin bottles and ask us random things. In my case, he asked if I had fallen in love with anyone. To be honest, I said Ardian at the time because, well, he just looked good. Beautiful hair, yellow-brown eyes like amber and a soft voice. Ardian then almost choked on an ice cream and replied with an "I don't like men". Ardian moved to live with relatives in Toronto four years ago and we didn't talk about this incident before he moved. Especially not now. Of my school friends, I only have contact with Lothar. 

Why doesn't anyone want me? I thought half the night. Although I went to bed very early, I kept waking up because of nightmares and asking myself this question

I woke up to the shrill sound of Gigi's violin version of the Nokia ringtone. I changed this song to my ringtone a good while ago. Someone had called me.

“Hello”, I answered tiredly 

“Hey Søren”, it was Lothar "Are you free today? We need help"

Please what? What kind of help? And who are we?“

Lothar faltered briefly "That's why you should come by. I've found someone new but he's so new, he might not have a clue what he's doing."

Great time to ask me after a shitty day if I can leave my house and go to Vesterbro, then take the subway or bus to the central station and then walk another fifteen minutes to Lothar's house. No, I want to stay at home

"Do I have to come? Yesterday was bad,“ I moaned, annoyed

”What was it? You were only in the studio yesterday, or am I wrong?“ Lothar's tone became much softer and more concerned

”Louise, oh you can imagine, the same crap as with Ardian was rejected. Can we please not talk about it. I ate my whole stock of pasta salad yesterday. I don't want to leave the house today.“

”What about your orders?"

“Done and I'm off today, they're rebuilding the studio”

“Come on, a bit of fresh air should do you good, it rained yesterday, it's nice and fresh after every rain”

“Nah, I'm not in the mood” I replied as I rolled around in bed

“If you come over, I'll give you a pack of that chili oil my mom always makes”

Chili oil, well, Lothar's mom always made an Indian chili oil that's just out of this world delicious

“It's okay, I'll be there in half an hour, at your house, right?”

“Mhm,” Lothar said in agreement

Ten minutes later, I was on the subway. Thank goodness I didn't have to change trains. The journey to Lothar's house was pretty relaxed, although it had poured like hell yesterday after the sunshine, today the weather was nice, not too warm and not too cool. After a good while, I arrived at Lothar's apartment.

Lothar moved into a two-room apartment with his fiancée Ríke a year ago. No idea how they managed it, but it was worth it for Lothar. Since he started making music independently without a label, the music room has helped the two of them in the house. Ríke plays oboe in the orchestra. 

I rang the doorbell just outside the entrance to the apartment, bang, the door opened and I ran up to the third floor, exhausting but better than burning no calories. Lothar greeted me at his apartment with a red sweater and unkempt hair

“Just come in, the others are already in the living room”

I took off my shoes and walked to the sofa. I saw the familiar faces, Marina, Lothar's fashion consultant and generally just a good friend of both of us, Caspian, Lothar's producer who has been teaching him how to produce for a good while and, a young man with brown hair and red cheeks.

“This is Vincent,” Marina introduced

“Hello,” Vincent greeted and held out his hand

He had a strong grip and his hand was ice cold.

“Søren,” I replied 

Vincent was probably Lothar's new main creative director. 

“So,” Lothar said and sat down next to us, “I want to record another album and I need some artistic inspiration first, or should I introduce Vincent first?” He looked at Caspian and me. 

Caspian looked over at me with his light brown eyes, confused, but focused on Lothar again. I shrugged my shoulders

“Never mind, just let me,” Marina interrupted, “The good bro here is Vincent, Vincent Johansen, he's a marine biologist and aquarist at the aquarium here in Copenhag-”

“I can talk myself,” Vincent interjected, annoyed, "Thanks, I only know Marina and Lothar so far. Marina studied biology with me and I'd like to know what you do.“

I only noticed now that Vincent didn't sound quite Danish ”Are you from Denmark?“

”I'm Swedish," was the answer

“Wait, wait,” Caspian suddenly interrupted, “how do you know Lothar then?”

Vincent smiled briefly, took a sip of water and began to talk: "I already know Marina from my studies, she wrote that one of her friends was going to a concert where I was going and this friend was Lothar, we exchanged numbers and after a while Lothar found my Tumblr account where I draw. He said he needed a new main creative director and so I was brought on board.“

”Never mind,“ Lothar added ”Let's talk about the album. I'd like to play as a concept for lost memories. Like when you lose the innocence of childhood, or an old friend, or a lost love. You know what, just nostalgia"

...lost love, thank you Lothar, I thought, as if coming here wasn't enough. I scratched at my jeans in response

“Throw in any keywords”, Lothar ordered

“Tube TV, Y2K, wait, Frutiger Aero”, Marina fired into the crowd “No, Frutiger Aero doesn't suit you, but these colors do”

“Cassettes?”, I added “Steampunk?”

“Machu Pichu is fine, stop, this aesthetic of lost places”, Vincent chipped in “Or a shipwreck”

“Shall we put in a waltz?” asked Caspian “They always give me a slight nostalgia, or Europop”

Half an hour went on like this. To be honest, Vincent was pretty good at brainstorming, he quickly came up with ideas for the album cover, Lothar holding a broken record. Lothar and Marina set out to make an art nouveau inspired visual, Lothar luckily already had plenty of lyrics, as always I had to test read them. One of them called “Pearson Airport” immediately caught my attention.

“You didn't write a song about Ardian?” I mumbled confused

“You can't really say, it's inspired by him”, Lothar replied and took off his headphones, which Caspian had given him to listen to samples

"Leaving like you never met us, that can only be about Ardian. He broke off contact pretty quickly,“ I hissed

”Maybe he's just busy with his new life,“ Lothar replied, ”You're still groggy from yesterday, aren't you?"

“We'd better not talk about this now,” I hissed and sat down next to Vincent, with whom I now wanted to talk about the individual visualizers of the videos

Vincent was a bit off, he had a second tap open on his laptop and was sculping a weird tube on it. I was watching. I hardly ever do my jobs in 3D, but Vincent really seems to have a knack for it.

Vincent was a bit spaced out, he had a second tap open on his laptop and sculpted a weird tube on it. I was watching. I hardly ever do my jobs in 3D but Vincent really seems to have a knack for it.

“What song is this for now?” I asked

“At my house”, he quickly replied “I can kind of imagine an old recording studio where you come back after a while and everything has changed, except for a record player”

I somehow didn't understand why Lothar thought Vincent wasn't good enough, he was quite skillful. The whole discussion lasted a good two hours, after which Lothar had a dentist appointment (he gave me the chili oil before we left) and Caspian wanted to go sailing. Vincent, on the other hand, had the whole day off today, as did Marina. However, they invited each other to the escape room. For me, that probably means spending the day alone on the waterfront drawing seabirds.

Chapter Text

Copenhagen was quiet compared to other capital cities, which is what makes life here so pleasant. Sure, there were riots in Nørrenbro for a while, but otherwise it's pretty quiet here. After all, Copenhagen is one of the safest cities in the world. You always felt safe and I could always sit on some waterfront and paint seabirds or boats. 

I sat down on a bench and took my watercolor set, brushes and paper out of my jacket pocket. The nice thing about drawing outdoors is the natural light, plus I can move my head freely and draw the boats from different angles. This time, however, I aimed for the birds.

I always thought that birds were modestly funny animals that always do some stupid shit. I once had a whole pack of fish n chips stolen by a seagull on a summer vacation in London, but it dropped the food over a tree. I drew a round ball with a pencil and formed something like a fat bird. Suddenly a seagull flew over a boat and I looked directly at the flying creature. Yellow beak, black feet with a piece of blue plastic hanging from them, I quickly sketched on.

I dipped a brush in a blue paint and smeared it all over the page. I usually use blue as the base color for animals, except for parrots, but I hardly ever draw them.

After an hour, I had already painted six different birds, two pigeons, a basset hen or something and three seagulls. I should draw a boat, I thought, when someone suddenly tapped me on the shoulder.

“Hello?” I asked the person before turning around “What do you want?”

“What are you doing here?” I was asked back, the voice sounded familiar, it was Caspian

“I thought you were going sailing?”

"Actually yes, I was, but the wind has changed for the worse. I thought you were at your place?"

I stood up and rearranged my things “I want to go home too, but I've probably lost track of the time, haven't I?”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Caspian smiled “So where do you have to go now?”

“Nørrenbro”

“You live there too?”

I nodded briefly “I thought you lived in Østerbro, seems to be the closest to the embassy” 

"Well, I used to have an apartment there, but it was a bit too small for me, so I moved. It's actually much more practical in the city, you can get from place to place more quickly, even on foot.“

”Well, it wasn't like that yesterday,“ I replied

”What was wrong with you?“ Caspian asked ”Lothar was on the phone a bit longer and was talking about chilli oil.“

”Heartache,“ I replied quickly ”Another thing, what did Lothar mean when he said that Vincent is incapable? He's pretty good"

Caspian began to walk slowly and took off into the air for an unhealthily long time: "To be honest, he just missed you, we actually wanted to get everything together as four people, but Lothar said something was missing from Vincent's work, he probably meant this watercolor style. He wanted you to work with Vincent so that he could adopt this style from you a bit. I think he was just afraid to tell you directly.“

”Did Vincent actually agree?"

"Yes, yes, he just kind of wanted to get to know you. You're coming to brainstorm tomorrow, aren't you?“

”Well,“ I squeezed out ”I've actually got the whole week, except tomorrow evening, my parents are inviting me to dinner and I honestly don't feel like it. The week has already been too much“

”Can I ask you in more detail what's going on?"

“Oh, nothing big, I'm just sad single”, I tried to avoid the word friendzone

“I see, it's ok if you don't want to say anything”

Caspian was in a different mood today, he was usually extremely extroverted and asked questions right to the end, but today he was quieter than usual

“You can ask me if you need any help”, Caspian tried to reassure me

“It's ok, it's ok”

We both walked to our apartments for a good while, Caspian talking to me about his YouTube channel, where he covers songs and produces the background music himself, followed by a complaint about his thumb, which he had cut a few days ago. I, on the other hand, didn't talk much, I let Caspian distract me from Louise. After a good while, though, I had to leave. Caspian's apartment was a bit further away, so he wanted to walk back alone

“See you tomorrow then,” Caspian said goodbye and walked on alone "And please don't forget that Marina wants to discuss everything with you and Vincent at Langeline. Lothar and I need the whole house for tomorrow“

”That's all right, see you then," I replied

I took the key out of my other pocket and opened the apartment building. My apartment was on the second floor on the right-hand side of the stairwell. There was still a plastic flower wreath on my door, which I had put up just before Easter and hadn't taken down since. I unlocked the door. Damn, I thought, I hadn't switched off the light this morning and the bowl from yesterday was still on my table. I still have to switch on the washing machine too. Never mind, first put the pasta bowl in the dishwasher, I can take care of the washing machine later. I literally threw the bowl into the dishwasher, stuffed the fork into the top compartment, followed by the rinse. I kicked the door shut too. Last night wasn't nice but I felt better than yesterday. I still felt like shit, but I probably wouldn't collapse again. I mumbled some song by Lothar and turned on my radio. A song that I could play on my guitar was playing while I switched on my washing machine. On my way out, I wanted to go out for dinner with my family tomorrow. What will they think of me? Still single at 23? Gigi already had a boyfriend, Ludvig, oh Ludvig. Ludvig, Gigi, Lothar and I went to Switzerland together a year ago. Ludvig was a complete crackhead and he got on pretty well with Lothar. The two of them had sung their hearts out to Talking To the Moon by Bruno Mars at karaoke in Zurich. Dad and mom liked Ludvig quite a bit too. I took a quick look at the family photo on my bookshelf, a song by Queens in Radio, of which my mother is a fan, was playing. The photo was taken at Gigi's graduation party. Next to the family photo was a photo of me with a guitar. When Lothar started performing, I had to stand in for a guitarist. Luckily he now had Caspian, because he really can play the guitar better than I can. I sat down on my bed and turned on my cell phone. We hadn't sent any messages in the last few hours and no new emails had arrived. Reading? Yes, ok, I thought. I clicked on some sci-fi novel and started reading, but now there were messages on my radio. I had been in the habit of listening to the news on the radio for a few years now, so I sat up straight and stared at the radio.

"Good afternoon, dear listeners, a young man named Flemming V. is missing. He was last found near the train station, he is 22, has blond hair and green eyes and according to family members he has a tiger tattoo and was on his way to a meeting for a shooting club and has not been available for two hours"

When was the last time someone went missing? Three years? Never mind, I thought. After the missing person report, there was nothing else important, there's a shovel on the road somewhere, an airplane had to make an emergency landing in Zagreb, there's a trade fair in Kulai Lumpur and it's going to be sunny tomorrow. After the news, I was able to continue reading calmly.

I spent the rest of the day in bed with the sci-fi novel. After a good four hours I finished the book. Tonight I just ate a garlic bread, then I watched an episode of Arcane and went to sleep.

Chapter Text

Thank God I wasn't woken up by a phone call today, I woke up naturally. Breakfast today consisted of a fried egg and avocado toast. I felt better than the day before yesterday but I didn't feel really good either. Today I had to meet Marina and Vincent, outside of all places, near the Little Mermaid statue. I still had this damn assignment, I remembered. I slowly made my way out of the house. 

On the way to the subway station, I was suddenly called by Lothar 

“Hey Søren, please tell your parents,” he mouthed anxiously

“What the hell is going on?” I asked, somewhat annoyed and naive. Well, Søren, how were you supposed to know how much this one phone call would change your life?

"They found a body in East Amager, several traces of blood on the neck. The clothes said “STOP FISHING”, the body has most likely drowned“, Lothar reported ”Please tell your parents, it might affect them“

”Lothar, you're joking“, I laughed ”There hasn't been a murder for years, especially something like this“

”Come on, please write to your parents“, Lothar begged ”They're fishermen, aren't they?"

“If I have to”, I replied “See you this afternoon then”

I hung up and wrote in the family chat

You

Lothar think you should be careful because of the murder

9:26

BriGGit

What happened yesterday?

9:27

Dad

Yes Søren, we've already heard, say hello to Lothar

9:27

I changed the chat briefly and texted Lothar a quick “They got it”. I slowly walked on to the subway station. Lothar had always been the most careful in every group for years, I don't know if it was because of his mother, but sometimes he was too careful. 

The weather was really good today, just like yesterday. Marina had already been at the park for a while, sitting there with a fat notebook with several sheets of paper hanging out of it

“Good morning, sunshine,” Marina greeted me relaxed and pulled up her sunglasses briefly 

I sat down next to her on the bench and put my bag down “All right, what have you got with you, and where's Vincent?”

"No plan, never mind. Well, I was on Pinterest last night and found a few ideas. We could take some photos in Tivoli Park."

I was about to answer, but I saw Vincent in the distance. I looked over Marina's shoulder and gave him a quick wave. Vincent was wearing brown trousers, a green button-up, boots and an Ita bag today. His face was still bright red.

“Tell me, does Vincent have scarlet fever or a skin disease?” I asked, “His face has been bright red since yesterday”

Marina confessed to giggling “He always puts make-up on, which explains the red cheeks”

Vincent squatted down next to Marina and took out his tablet and showed us a picture he had drawn on it. It was a kind of dilapidated castle with vines and birds flying around.

“I can imagine something like that for the cover,” he explained

“That's perfect for The Ballad of the Stars at Night,” I said “Stop! Visuals! Lothar wants a visualizer or music video for every song”

“I would make a visualizer for Pearson Airport, At my House, piano... and The Ballad of the Stars at Night, and a music video for Atlantis and Kiss me,” Marina suggested “Vincent, could you use your camera for the music videos?”

Vincent nodded briefly "Can we film a music video in Tivoli Park, please? I want to go there one day and it would be really cool to film a clip on the Kettenkarousell“

”It's clever for Kiss me“, I let go ”But where else? We can't film something in just one place?"

Marina stared into the air for a moment and Vincent typed in “Places in and around Copenhagen” on his tablet.

“Statue of the Little Mermaid?” he suggested

“Great for Atlantis,” Marina stuck on "Or those colorful houses. Does anyone know the name of that hip bar with the two aquariums?"

Oh my goodness, that can only be Café Siren. I looked as if I had never heard of such a place. Of course it was just a lie, of course I knew the place, but I didn't want to think any more about it.

“Aquariums and bars,” Vincent smiled, "I've never heard of them, you two will have to decide. All I know is that we have a bar with a few jellyfish in Malmö.“

”Wait, wait, wait,“ Marina stared at her folder and flicked through it wildly, ”...Café Sirenen, right?"

Marina no, I wanted to say. I was already standing but suddenly I toppled over. Was that reflex, heatstroke, headache? No, no, not the café. I thought she had forgotten about it? Why did Marina suddenly look like Louise? Help? 

Everything around me began to spin. I thought I had got over the incident? Everything became dark, cloudy, like in water. All that was left of Marina now were outlines that didn't look like her or Louise. God, God. What's wrong with me?

All of a sudden, a hand grabbed me and scrubbed a shea butter-scented stuff on my mouth. Shea butter, that's how it always smelled in our bathroom after Gigi had showered. I took a deep breath. Gigi had once smashed a pane of glass in the bathroom, she'd thrown the hairdryer away by mistake. Oh Gigi, I giggled briefly.

“Hey, are you OK?” a soft voice asked and slowly lifted me up, “What happened?”

“Søren?”, Marina shot off somewhere "Søren? Hey, are you still there?"

I wanted to say something, but again I couldn't get a word in edgewise

"Is this a panic attack? You can still use music to touch someone, can't you,“ Marina mumbled worriedly to herself ”Sing something"

The other voice began to sing something softly “It makes my chest hurt to think of it”

It sounded so soft and soothing. I smiled briefly “Guys that's enough, which one of you was singing?”

I could see Marina's outline again, as well as Vincent's 

“You have such a beautiful voice,” I praised “Have you ever had singing lessons?”

Vincent shrugged and looked up “Theoretically, yes, I studied classical singing for a year when I was 13, but I stopped after my voice shifted”

Chapter Text

Thank goodness we agreed not to film at Café Sirenen. The plan was to shoot a music video for Atlantis in the aquarium and at the Little Mermaid statue. For Kiss Me, we wanted to shoot everything in Tivoli Park, with Ríke. 

The three of us, Marina, Vincent and I, had chosen the bus service for the way back to Lothar's house. We walked the rest of the way there. Today Caspian answered the door.

“Hey, listen to what Lothar has made on his own,” was the first thing he said to us.

Marina and Vincent followed me and we strolled through Lothar's apartment and into his music room, where his piano was.

In addition to his profession as a singer, Lothar was also a piano teacher at a music school. Music has always been in Lothar's blood, he once took part in a TV show and scored quite well, not winning, but at least gaining a small fandom. Apart from Lothar and Caspian, none of the other five of us made music, as far as I know. My guitar had been rotting in the closet for a year, just like me.

I squatted down on the piano stool in Lothar's music room, Vincent squeezed in and Marina besieged a pile of cushions. 

“Okay, listen to this,” Caspian reported enthusiastically and clicked a button on Lothar's laptop. A soft, somehow watery sound began to play, followed by a piano melody. Vincent's mouth turned into an O. At just the right moment, Lothar sang a long “Some” in the recording

“Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the world, feels like waves crashing on my when I try to be heard

Like what does it mean that everything is against me”

Another piano solo began to play, followed by more vocals

“Baby why can't I turn back time, the days before where better

Feels like I'm scremaing poetry back to Atlantis”

I was suddenly startled by the chorus that followed. I jerked quickly and almost knocked Vincent against Lothar's piano. The next part of the song consisted of loud, scream-like singing that still sounded harmonious. Vincent gave me a brief look of annoyance and then turned back to Lothar, who was looking at all the audio tracks on his laptop.

“Ok good,” Caspian suddenly interrupted and pressed stop, "We could do the two title tracks at this rate in a week, which is pretty quick for two songs. If we keep it up, the album will be finished in a month. As Lothar doesn't have a label, he will theoretically have to take care of the marketing himself, Marina will help with that. We can film the music videos in two weeks. And I would also film a trailer for the album. We can talk about marketing in detail later. But get ready for the album cover and the visualizers. I would have “At my House” and “Kiss me” ready right after the two title tracks and then release them as a single and then announce the album a week later"

“Got it”, Marina hung on "The three of us already have the locations for the two music videos. For “Atlantis” we would film a few clips in the water, a few in the aquarium and a few at the statue of the little mermaid. We want to film “Kiss me” entirely in Tivoli Park“

”Can we stroll around there afterwards?“ Vincent suddenly asked, ”I'd like to go there. Also, on the subject of the aquarium, I can ask if you can film there.“

”You work there, don't you?" Caspian hissed and looked disgustedly at Vincent, but he quickly turned around again.

"I would shoot the music video for Atlantis first. I'll write to you when we can shoot, but thanks for your work, especially Søren,“ Lothar pointed briefly at me and took a sip of tea, ”I'll write to you three when you need to come by again, I'll make a group chat. Otherwise only Caspian has to come by. You're dismissed for today"

Thanks Lothar, I thought, I've already spent five hours with the four of you today. I have to go home for a bit, then Gigi will pick me up and we'll go home to mom and dad.

Marina took a motorcycle helmet covered in chibi stickers out of her huge bag and put on a leather jacket. “I'm off then,” she said goodbye and left the room

Vincent and I went to the door at the same time. He looked at me suspiciously for a moment and then walked quickly down the stairs. I quickly noticed the pins in his pocket. Aren't those figures from Naruto? Isn't Lothar a fan of- forget it. Vincent didn't like me anyway. It was just an accident that I hit him against Lothar's piano. What difference does he make to my life? 

I walked slowly down the stairs. The air outside Lothar's house was fresh, considering that Lothar had some kind of scent in the house. There was also a Pride flag hanging outside on a house opposite Lothar's. Do my parents actually know that I'm bi? I think I should ask Gigi

You

Do dad and mom actually know that I'm bi? 15:02

No answer, instead I got a message from Lothar

Lothar (Bottle) added you to a new group

Lothar (Bottle) added Caspian

Lothar (Bottle) added MaRiNa

Lothar (Bottle) has added ~Vincent

Lothar (Bottle)

Test, test, all here? 

15:03

~Vincent

Yes 15:03

MaRiNa

Yes 15:03

You

Yes 15:03

Oh Lothar, you've been writing test, test in every group chat for years. I walked slowly towards the station and put my cell phone in my jacket pocket for a moment. Now I'm going home and then out for dinner with my family.

|| You

|| Do dad and mom actually know that I'm bi?

I don't think so 15:36

Unread

Chapter Text

I quickly put on a tie when Gigi rang my front doorbell. 

“Hello,” she and Ludvig greeted me warmly

Ludvig was wearing a gray suit with a green tie and Gigi a black dress with a green bolero and high heels

“Can you drive like that?” I asked, pointing to Gigi's shoes

“Never mind, I've got sneakers in the car,” Gigi waved me off, followed by her pulling Ludvig and me outside to her car.

Gigi was always a power woman, she always got through everyone. She always stood up for what was right. I used to get called names at school because of my sexuality and Gigi always stood up to the people who insulted me, she always stood up for her friends too. A friend of hers was once sexually harassed and she immediately reported the person and beat them up. Maybe it was simply because Gigi has a good heart or maybe she just behaved like that because she knew what it was like to be left alone. In early elementary school she had hardly any friends and was teased, later Gigi had learned kickboxing and since then nobody had dared to mess with her.

Gigi got into the front of the car, put on her sneakers, put on a playlist and drove off. This time, thank God, it wasn't Wasted Love that was playing, but Chemistry by Gigi Perez. The song was probably only on her playlist because of Lothar, as he had sung it at karaoke in Zurich. Well, Lothar only liked the song because of Caspian. Caspian was a huge Gigi Perez fan, he always played and covered her music. Gigi was actually named Brigit, but we all always called her Gigi, not because of the musician, but simply because we thought the name suited Brigit.

In the meantime, Gigi sang her heart out to the song and Ludvig joined in. I looked at my cell phone instead. Nothing had happened in Lothar's group called “Album” and I hadn't received any other messages either.

“Everything okay, Søren?” Ludvig suddenly asked and turned to me at the back 

“No, everything's fine,” I replied

“Are you sure?” Ludvig pressed again "Are you sure? You look, well, very depressed“

It's a shame that Ludvig is a therapist, he always seems to understand everything straight away

”Well, I was just wondering if I should tell my parents that I'm bisexual“

Fortunately, Ludvig's jaw didn't drop to the floor, he just stared at me in surprise

”I thought you were gay“, he said

Gigi slapped him on the right shoulder and hissed at him ”You don't just guess people's sexuality"

I started to giggle and Gigi followed with

"But to be honest, I don't think dad and mom will have any problems with it. In an emergency, you'll get some help from me," Gigi joked and at the same time asked Ludvig to sit down properly again

Ludvig sang the whole time for the rest of the car journey, but there was no other chatter. We arrived at the restaurant ten minutes later. It was a fancy restaurant in the city center, where we have been going for years on Mom's birthday. Gigi and Ludvig held on to each other's arms and I followed them into the restaurant like a duck. I looked so damn confused that I looked more like a stupid child than a young man. Dad and mom were sitting at a table by a wall of expressionist paintings. 

“Well, here are the lovebirds”, Dad greeted Gigi and Ludvig “And here's my little DaVinci”

He also patted me on the shoulder and gave me a snack card "How was your day today? And did you say hello to Lothar?"

“Yes I did, we worked on his album today,” I replied quietly and read through the menu. What the hell are these things? Vienesse Waltz? Isn't that a dance? And what the hell is the rainbow? What are all these weird names? 

Ludvig seems just as confused by all the food names. He's been on his cell phone non-stop, probably looking up what each dish is.

“Have the managers changed?”, I asked “The food names weren't that bad before”

“No idea”, replied mom "Just take anything. The taste shouldn't have changed in the last few years."

Well, after the answer, we all took something from. Dad took a “Foxtrot”, Gigi took the ‘Rainbow’ as a joke, mom and Ludvig took “Vienesse Waltz” and I decided on a “Terra”. Almost everyone, except Dad and Gigi, took something with alcohol to drink.

“Tell me, how are things going with you two in your relationship?” asked mom Ludvig after her red wine had arrived 

“Pretty good,” came Ludvig casually over "We want to go skiing in Austria for five days this winter. And Gigi is thinking about getting engaged“

It's about time, I thought, they've known each other for eight years and have been together for two

”Austria? “, my mother pointed out ”Weren't you there last year?“

”Nope, nope, Switzerland“, Gigi explained and took a sip of her hot coca ”But that was too expensive, so we're going to Tyrol“

”Haven't you been to Austria before?“ Ludvig asked once 

Gigi looked at him briefly ”That was Vienna, a trip for the children in the orchestra, it was freezing cold“

”Brigit? Could it be, you've been to the most countries in the world of all of us," Dad inquired

Gigi stared into the air for a moment and began to list "Germany, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands, Belgium? I don't think so. Austria, Switzerland, Great Britain, Spain and Italy“

”Weren't you ever in India?“ Ludvig threw into the crowd

”That's right,“ Gigi added ”It was loud, but nice“

”Isn't Lothar Indian?"

“Half, half”, I explained to Ludvig “Half Danish, half Indian”

Dad took a sip of his water and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket “About India, I still have this photo of you and Lothar when you burned your tongue at dinner”

“PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK”, I hissed at Dad and tried to cover the cell phone

God, that was embarrassing back then. I once had dinner at Lothar's for a sleepover when I was eight and Dad brang my cuddly blanket, which I forgot. Just as he arrived and came to the dinner table, I had eaten something spicy and Dad thought it was so funny that he has saved a photo of it as a favorite to this day

Ludvig started to giggle briefly and Gigi gave him a dirty look.

“Sorry,” Ludvig apologized quietly and took a sip of his Wilberry Lillet

“Søren?” Mum suddenly asked, "Do you have a girlfriend yet?

Damn, thanks Mum, I thought

“Well, not really”, I corrected stuttering “I haven't... anyone yet”

My eyes suddenly got wet and I wiped them briefly with my shirt

Gigi immediately realized what was going on and whispered something in Mum's ears. She looked at me for a moment, surprised and sympathetic at the same time.

All of a sudden something rushed through my brain, either now or never

“I know this is sudden but I want to tell you all something”

Dad and mom looked at me confused. Just as I was about to say “I am”, a waiter came and put our food on the table. We were all shocked by the actual dishes behind the silly names. The “Viennesse Waltz” was a steak, the “Rainbow” a vegetable pasta, the ‘Foxtrot’ a venison steak and my “Terra” pasta with seafood.

“What did you want to say?” Mom asked again

I took a deep breath "I know I'm saying it extremely late and could have said it earlier. I was always afraid that I wouldn't love myself anymore afterwards, but you should know anyway. It's a part of me. And please, I'm still your child, I'm still the same person. Mom, dad, I'm bisexual"

Mom just stared at me with a straight face and Dad looked rather desperate.

“So,” a tear fell from my cheek, “am I still your child?”

Dad suddenly handed Mom a banknote and mumbled “You won the bet”

“YOU BET ON THIS?” Gigi shouted meekly

“Yes,” Mom replied crisply, "And thanks again, Søren, for telling us. We'll never be angry with you about it. We can't decide when you love. You can love anyone, as long as it's not a drug dealer."

We all started giggling and got a few weird looks from the tables next to us.

At dinner we talked about various things, Gigi falling asleep during a lecture, mom dropping her pocket knife in the sea while fishing or dad finally finding a dead crab in the engine compartment of his boat. That's how it is when your parents are both fishermen and were in the navy.

Oh God, my family, where would I be without them? I was lucky again that they were all together and there, Aksel's father died in a fire when he was nineteen and I'd heard that Caspian's biological father died in an accident and his mother gave him up for adoption. We didn't know any more about that, only that he was then adopted to a family on the island of Rügen and learned Danish from his adoptive mother. 

That's right, Caspian is German, I thought to myself. In the meantime, Dad and Gigi were calculating who had to pay how much. This was followed by Ludvig and Gigi playing rock, paper, scissors to decide whether the two of them would pay together or separately. In the end, the two paid separately.

The family reunion slowly came to an end. Before I left, Mom asked whether I was going home by train or with Gigi.

“I'll take the train,” I replied quietly as we all walked out of the restaurant, “It's just inconvenient for Ludvig and Gigi to drive back to my place.”

“Okay,” Mom responded, sounding somehow reassured but also worried. Maybe Mom was just asking about yesterday's murder? “Just take care of yourself, we'll go then, sweetie”

Mom gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then followed Dad to the parking lot. Oh, nothing has changed, I'm still mom's little prince, and single. Never mind, don't be so sad, Søren, I thought to myself and walked slowly to the next subway station

Chapter Text

Lothar and Caspian both somehow managed to finish Atlantis in a week, which is why Lothar dragged us all to the aquarium to film the music video. 

Again, good for Lothar that Vincent works with the fish and was able to organize a time slot for us to film. However, Lothar arrived an hour early with me, Marina and Caspian. Marina was still late, however, because her motorcycle ran out of gas on a bridge and she got lost. 

“Sorry, I've never been here before,” Marina apologized and put her helmet in her bag 

“No problem,” I waved her off and went to the front with Caspian to buy tickets.

The aquarium was in a rather strange, spiral shape, which looked more like a UFO than an underwater zoo but was still somehow beautiful. Just as I got to Caspian, he turned around and gave me a ticket. Marina and Lothar both followed. 

Inside the aquarium, it didn't feel like being in a UFO at all. Although the large hall was darkened, everything was covered in a beautiful turquoise light. Marina looked around in amazement, Caspian looked rather annoyed, Lothar, on the other hand, was looking for Vincent.

“Keep an eye out for Vincent,” he whispered in my ear and followed Caspian and Marina to a rather small pool. I defiantly followed the three of them, who were now turning off in the direction of the rainforest section. Wait a minute? Hadn't we been there before?

After we had all walked through the aquarium three times, found a few good places to film and still hadn't found Vincent, we sat down on the stairs to the large tank to stare at the fish. 

Marina leaned back in a cross-legged position while Lothar stood in front of the glass and stared at the fish. Caspian, on the other hand, wore airpods and gazed melancholically at the fish. Suddenly I remembered that I'd left my headphones on the desk in the studio. I guess that means we'll just have to wait until we can film or I'll continue reading a book. 

I slowly turned on my e-reader app and started reading the Mt Erebus. It was a sci-fi series (again), but it was about a post-apocalyptic world, not a city like the last book. I quickly searched through the first ten chapters, followed by a short knocking break, then another three chapters.

Just as I was about to read the thirteenth chapter, Vincent and a group of primary school children stormed into the vicinity of the large pool. Vincent was also overdressed today, but he was wearing a simple black tank top instead of his normal clothes. 

“So, as I said, what's the biggest bony fish again?” Vincent asked the children, who were about six years old or younger

“Moonfish,” shouted a girl

“Good, do any of you know what the biggest cartilaginous fish is?” Vincent praised and asked again

“Whale shark,” replied several children at the same time

“We don't have whale sharks around the aquarium, it's hard to keep them ethically,” Vincent continued. In the meantime, Caspian rolled his eyes next to me and turned to Marina

“The biggest shark and fish in our aquarium is-NO JOHANNES YOU'RE NOT DOING THAT NOW”

Holy cow, what was going on now? 

Vincent put his notes on the floor and tapped on the glass of the tank, then pointed to a diver, followed by a few hand signals

“Sorry,” he apologized quietly to everyone in the room “He's newly hired”

“What was going on?” whispered Marina to Caspian 

“No plan,” Caspian mumbled back

After a good ten minutes, Vincent came back with all his camera equipment and I got ready for the shoot. Vincent shooed the newly hired diver out of the pools, Marina gave Lothar his outfit, Caspian handed him the airpods, as we were forbidden to play music loudly. In the meantime, while Lothar is changing, Vincent and I prepare the camera angles. 

“So, our star is ready”, Marina announced and nudged Lothar in front of the camera

“Ready?”, I asked Lothar gently 

‘Ready’, he replied

“Well then, Atlantis music video, verse 2, ready, take one, and action”

...

The scenes in Aquarium took us about half an hour in total. Two scenes in front of the big tanks and one where Lothar was lying on the floor. Vincent had decided to keep the outtakes so that Caspian could later edit a “Behind the Scenes” alongside the music video. Before we could set off for the statue of the Little Mermaid for the other scenes, Lothar changed his clothes in advance

“Do you actually come to the harbour often?” Caspian whispered in my ear while I was waiting

I faltered briefly “It depends on my mood, when I'm feeling bad and I want to paint birds, quite often, but I've actually been doing it for the last few days”

“I see,” Caspian said quietly and looked at Lothar, who had now changed and joined us

We almost all took the metro together, but Marina rode her motorcycle to the statue. This time she arrived earlier than all of us, as Lothar's satnav had gone crazy and for the first time he didn't want Caspian to show the way, he probably didn't know that Caspian used to live near the statue. Marina was already waiting impatiently when we arrived late. 

“Boys, hurry up,” she ordered, “I've got something tonight”

Vincent and I immediately set up the camera and Caspian helped us. Suddenly Vincent started humming something. Some quiet ballad, most likely something to do with fairy tales. 

“Don't you have a lot of scary fairy tales in Germany?” he asked Caspian 

Caspian smiled wickedly for a moment and answered Vincent's question with a "Sure, a child's finger got cut off and a girl burns to ashes. Did you know that Andersen only wrote The Little Mermaid because he was rejected by another man?"

Rejected, rejected, REJECTED. Bloody hell, I thought I was fine, apparently not anymore. God Caspian, I'm trying to love you, but not like this. Rejected, damn it, damn it. Come on, Søren, calm down. Calm down? What do you want me to do?

“I'm going to rest for a minute, Vincent, take care of the music video,” I hissed and sat down on a bench, grabbed my painting materials and started drawing seabirds. I heard another “And action” from Vincent. Until my brain somehow switched off. No idea what was going on, maybe amnesia, but I couldn't remember the next ten minutes. The next thought I had was staring at a drawing of a puffin. My hands were covered in paint, my pants too, but someone was holding my left hand. It was cool, firm but reassuring. Somehow I couldn't remember who was holding my hand. All I knew was that we shot the music video quickly and then we all went home

Chapter Text

As usual, Caspian had to take the same subway as me, this time the journey wasn't long, but I got off one stop earlier as I had to pick up a package and Caspian lived closer to the station.

“Do you need anything else?” he asked gently as we walked out of the station “You were pretty engrossed in drawing”

“It's okay” I waved him off “Maybe I should drink more coffee but, ah, I couldn't really remember today, especially when Vincent made the music video”

“Vincent...” Caspian mumbled coldly to himself “He's so, weird, I've never really liked him”

"Why? “, I countered

”I don't know, but there's something strange about him“

”He must have something against me“, I informed Caspian ”Tell me, how does Lothar actually know him? He told me before but only roughly"

Caspian began to list all the information he knew about Vincent. Vincent came from Malmö and then studied with Marina. Why did he study in Denmark? Because his father had lived in Denmark for several years. Marina then went to a KAJ concert with Vincent and Lothar at some point, where Lothar and Vincent really got to know each other.

"Have you ever noticed that I know as much about Vincent as I do about you? And we've known each other for two years,“ I questioned perplexedly and looked at Caspian in confusion

”Are you seriously asking for my life story?" Caspian replied cheekily

I also looked at him cheekily, well, half-cheekily

"All right, then. I think you should know that I was born in a small village on the Baltic coast, my mother gave me up for adoption at some point and a family on the island of Rügen took me in. I don't know much about my actual family, apparently my father died and my mother could no longer look after me.“

Caspian's voice became rough and shaky, he swallowed briefly and continued

”I then finished school and studied in Kiel. Somehow I ended up here, in Copenhagen. Sometimes I found my work, how shall I put it, extremely boring, which is why I kept composing melodies and teaching myself how to produce. I also cover music myself and that's roughly how I got to know Lothar. I covered demos on a label for a while and Lothar used to be on the label and the rest is history"

Caspian clapped briefly “And we went sailing together once”

“How long have you been sailing for?” I inquired “You seem to be at sea quite often, but not so much since last year”

“Firstly, I don't have that much time to sail anymore and, wait”

Caspian began to rummage in his pocket. God, that sounded loud. I don't know if Caspian packed half his house or not, it took him a good while to find the thing he was looking for, his cell phone.

“So that's me with-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Caspian's cell phone slipped out of his hand. We both quickly crouched down on the floor and tried to protect his cell phone from the cement floor.

Thankfully, I caught the phone, followed by Caspian pressing his hands against mine to catch his phone out of reflex.

Caspian's hands were fucking cold and powerful, wait a minute.

“Did you ever hold my hand?”, I asked Caspian, my voice sounding somehow, questioningly

‘Yes’, Caspian mumbled in surprise "Today, when you were babbling to yourself and painting your own hand. Marina told me to wash the paint off your hand“ 

”So, that was you"

God, that was embarrassing. I'm 23 and someone else had to wash my hand. 

In the meantime, Caspian showed me a photo of him at 14. His hair was short, very short. So short that it almost looked like he was bald. Caspian also wore a diving suit and stood on his sailboat with a broad smile.

In gratitude for the gesture, I showed him a photo of me playing guitar when I was 16.

“You play guitar too?” Caspian asked in surprise “I thought you didn't play an instrument”

I laughed sheepishly “I'm not good but I can play guitar”

"Come on, with a bit more time and practice you'll get it, after all, you've been playing for a good while. I believe in you, sweetie. You can also come over to my place and we can play together. Speaking of home, I have to go, bye!!!"

Caspian hastily ran to a small side alley and waved warmly. Caspian was the more extroverted one in Lothar's team, well, you also have to consider that he was the only one who didn't grow up in Scandinavia. Even Marina, who only came from Albanian to Denmark when she was 5, was rather cool in comparison to Caspian. Ok well, Caspian was also a bit cool with Vincent. It happens, I thought. Wait, I have to pick up my package.

About three weeks ago, after I came out, I ordered a candle in the color of the bi flag. It finally arrived three weeks later. This thought made me happy. I no longer have anything to hide from my parents and was able to decorate my apartment the way I wanted. Off to the post office

Chapter Text

The package weighed surprisingly much for a single candle, which made it extremely strenuous to carry it home. My arms were already aching halfway there. That's why I ended up taking the elevator in my apartment building instead of walking up the stairs.

When I arrived, I first put the package on my desk and tidied up my laundry, then I was able to open the package. Humming Atlantis, I went to the kitchen to get a pair of scissors. I stood in front of my desk and rammed the scissors into the package.

I heard a short “pop” and the cardboard box opened. Inside the package itself was, OH MY GOD. I hadn't ordered two candles, had I? What am I supposed to do with these?

Next to the candles and the Styrofoam was a note that said, “The candles have manufacturing defects.” Well, that explains a lot. From what I know about Marina, many of her products with defects are sold at a lower price or given away for free. Marina herself often gives away necklaces with broken pendants. 

I placed one candle on my desk, the other in the kitchen, and the last one directly on the cabinet where my guitar was stored. Wait a moment, should I start playing the guitar again?

I dug my guitar, which was who knows how old, out of the closet and unpacked it. I actually had a light brown acoustic guitar, but I had painted it yellow with black stars out of boredom during my university time. The strings of the guitar were also completely out of tune. Slowly, I turned the tuning pegs and played some melody. If I remember correctly, I played Jolene by Dolly Parton. But seriously, what should I play? Is there a song I particularly like? I don't think so, I only listen to the radio anyway. Wait a minute

Caspian had a YouTube channel where he covered songs. He said I should play more, so why not play a song he covered? I quickly typed in “caspianvoiced” and scrolled through his videos. 

Caspian sings pretty much every genre: pop, rock, indie, you name it. However, the cover with the most clicks was his version of “Fly Me to the Moon.” I clicked on the video, and first came an advertisement for a chain store. 

After the unnecessary chatter in the ad, I listened to Caspian's cover. He had a rather deep but delicate singing voice. He sounds like someone who will calm you down after a nightmare, which is what he did for me. No lie, Caspian is cute—wait, Søren, you can't fall in love again after just a few months! No, no, no, I'm fine, love always ends badly for me. Oh God.

Why should I like Caspian? He doesn't like talking to strangers, likes to be alone, and when he does talk, it's about music, his career, and his job. He also likes to complain. He's, how should I put it, shady? He's usually open with us, but sometimes he just gives us all dirty looks. 

You're distracting yourself, Søren, I thought again. Oh, you know what, just play the song on the guitar. I fished the sheet music for the song out of the internet. Slowly, I began to finger the individual frets on the guitar. 

I had become much slower at playing in recent years and was rather unaccustomed to steel strings. My fingers were bruised by the strings and the chords felt strange. Wait, how do you play that chord? I asked myself repeatedly.

Maybe Caspian was right, practice makes perfect, I thought to myself for the rest of the afternoon, even though I wanted to forget Caspian. Why can't I get him out of my head?

It got worse by the hour. His deep voice got stuck in my head, and I couldn't forget the feeling of his cold hand either. Oh man, why do I love him so much? What's so good about Caspian? He can produce music and he's smart, that's it. Why? Why? Why do you always fall in love with the strangest people? Søren, please, there are more things you should worry about, I thought as I turned on the radio to distract myself.

Three people have disappeared in the last month and were found dead the next day. Messages about marine pollution were written on the bodies. The radio has reported another missing person case. This is rather unusual for Copenhagen. Something is not right about this whole situation.

"Good evening, it's 6:00 p.m. and here is the latest news. A young woman has been missing since this morning. She was last seen by relatives in the city center, but at noon all contact was lost and she did not show up for work. If you find the young lady, please notify the police. Her name is Louise U."

Louise, Louise, Louise U, Louise Uhre. No, it can't be. She's missing. This isn't going to end well. My last crush is missing, why is my life so terrible? Can someone please find her? 

I was completely distraught. First of all, it's possible that I've fallen in love again, and secondly, an unfulfilled love of mine is missing and most likely dead. I took a deep breath. I should have a little hope. Maybe Louise's cell phone just ran out of battery. As long as her body isn't found, she could still be alive. This thought haunted me until I fell asleep. Take a deep breath and get some sleep. Maybe it was all just a dream.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, which, as always, was Gigi playing the violin. I pressed my hand against the screen to turn off the sound and checked my messages at the same time.

Lothar (Bottle): Please check the news

What the hell could have happened? I wondered, and quickly went to a confidential news website. What could have gone wrong? Oh Søren, you haven't read the headline yet

Young woman and unidentifiable fish man discovered on the beach

The day before, a young woman disappeared in the city center and, like many of the victims of the disappearances, was found dead the next day. However, this time the body was found on a beach north of Copenhagen with another dead body. A young geologist who found the bodies on the beach described the two dead bodies as follows

“The young woman had a large bloodstain on her stomach and the other body was covered in stab wounds, especially on the neck. I suspect the young woman fought back against her killer. The other body, however, did not look human. The skin, except for the stomach, was blue and the figure had a kind of long fin and gills on its stomach.”

Holy Mother Mary, those can't be sirens. They don't exist, only in fairy tales. But the description can't be about a human being. My life became more like a dream with each passing day. The last person I was in love with was murdered by a fish man, and I fell in love with a German producer who I wasn't really friends with. What kind of fairy tale and chaos will become of me in a year?

Chapter Text

We wanted to meet today to plan Lothar's music video for Kiss Me, because he finished producing his title songs with Caspian within a few days, and then Lothar wanted to go out to dinner with me. Before I could go to the appointment, I wanted to call Gigi. Because Ludvig flew to Los Angeles with a friend for LA Comic Con.

“Hello Søren,” my sister greeted me, “How was your day?”

“Okay,” I muttered quietly, “I was in the studio, you know what I have planned for today. How was the early shift?”

Gigi has been working as an aircraft mechanic for two years, which is why she lives in Amager. Before that, she used to check in planes, but now my sister replaces brakes.

“Good, as always. I got to change the tires on an A380,” Gigi said cheerfully. “Otherwise, it was the usual: checking brakes, running tests, and getting up early.”

“Did you hear about the sea people?” I asked Gigi. “There's something to it. What's going on there isn't normal.”

“It's all nonsense,” Gigi smiled dismissively. "Sirens don't exist, only in fairy tales. Maybe the real killer just wanted to distract attention with this ‘siren’. It could be a fake."

“Do you even read the news?” I yelled. “They've identified the thing, it's real. Aren't you worried about Ludvig, Dad and Mom? Please watch out for all three of them, they're bound to attack fishermen or something soon.”

Ludvig had been a member of a fishing club for years, which is why he could have been murdered."

“Ludvig doesn't fish that much anymore. And he hardly eats fish anymore anyway,” Gigi argued. “You've been so paranoid lately. You can't blame everything and everyone just because it was Louise.”

"What?! I'm just worried about my parents. Am I not allowed to do that anymore?“ I snapped. ”I'm just trying to help myself. Lothar distracts me, and you? You call me, I worry about people close to you, and you complain about it."

"I know, Søren, but you should slowly stop thinking about everything negative and be positive for once. The sirens are surely not that serious. If there are sirens, how many can there be?“ Gigi tried to convince me. ”You're just broken."

“Let me be sad,” I grumbled and hung up the phone.

I was just trying to warn her. Why is Gigi acting like this all of a sudden? Annoyed? I have no idea. Gigi is hardly ever like this. What was wrong with her? Never mind, I have to go to Lothar's anyway.

When Lothar opened the door, I had dark circles under my eyes, red eyes, and a crumpled T-shirt. I stormed in, threw my bag and hat on the floor, and sat down on the sofa next to Marina and Caspian.

“Everything okay?” Lothar asked me. “Didn't sleep well or something?” He sounded more concerned than before.

“Nothing,” I snapped. “It's nothing personal.”

Lothar shrugged and sat down with us. “All right, Ríke will be here a little later, so we can just plan everything now. You've all heard the song, right?”

We all nodded, and Marina raised her hand. “I have two things for you to wear in the video.”

She held up a bright yellow jacket embroidered with hearts and a blue blouse. “We can borrow Caspian's brown pants.”

“Why mine?” Caspian asked. “They're ancient anyway, and who wants to wear them?”

“Well, I do,” I muttered, trying to be inconspicuous as I got up to pick my bag off the floor. “It would be cool for the music video to film in a casual fit on that really high chain carousel in Tivoli.”

“There's a chain carousel there?” Vincent asked, sounding half bored. “Sorry, I've never been to Tivoli.”

“Never?” Caspian and Lothar blurted out at the same time. “Okay, fine, we'll take you on a tour on the day of filming,” Lothar suggested, horrified. “Even I've been there before,” Caspian said.

Meanwhile, Marina just stood there waiting for Lothar to give her jacket back. “Are you going to give me my stuff back?” she grumbled.

“Sorry,” Lothar apologized and put the clothes on the sofa.

...

Lothar will be sitting on a chain carousel for half a day, because Vincent and I agreed that Lothar will film a visualizer-style music video where he will mostly interact with Ríke. Otherwise, the MV was planned and we started chatting for some reason. Lothar actually wanted to make us all some tea to take with us, but then he brought up the sirens in the room.

“Does anyone know what's going on with the sirens or merpeople?” Lothar asked as he turned on his stove. “The whole thing is a bit strange.”

“I heard from a friend that this fish creature is made entirely of cartilage,” Vincent suddenly admitted.

“How do you know that?” Caspian asked.

“One of our friends works as a medical examiner,” Marina explained. “But I somehow have the feeling that a protest group is doing this. Why wouldn't science have discovered these sirens earlier?”

“Isn't 90% of the world's oceans unexplored?” I questioned. “Besides, think about it, the Baltic Sea is most likely polluted and overfished, the sea creatures are suffering enough.”

“From what I've read, the thing is three meters long,” Caspian added. “Surely they would have been spotted by underwater cameras at some point or be chilling in a wildlife collector's closet, right?”

“Anyone who saw a siren would be labeled crazy,” Lothar added. “Many thought the siren was AI-generated until reporters from almost all the press outlets were there.”

“But how did the siren get ashore?” Caspian asked. “They probably can't walk.”

“They are ‘sirens,’ after all. Surely they can seduce people?” Marina encouraged. “Beautiful voices enchant everyone.” She stared at Lothar, Caspian, then Vincent. “Singers with the best visions and a beautiful girlfriend, cover artists with velvety voices, and a former opera singer.”

“Neither of us can sing, can we?” I muttered to Marina, and she nodded. “Team tone-deaf.”

We both laughed briefly. 

“But seriously, these murders are not normal,” Marina changed the subject again. “I'm kind of scared. I've lived in Copenhagen for almost twenty years, and this is the first murder, or series of murders, I've heard of.”

“It's a miracle that hardly anyone is panicking and just wondering if the sirens are real,” Caspian noted.

“Doesn't anyone wonder why the sirens might be killing people who always tell them to stop fishing?” Lothar argued. 

“I have a feeling that the sirens live among humans,” Marina murmured cryptically. “It's just a feeling, okay, don't worry.”

Everyone laughed, except me. Because I was the only one who knew and liked someone who had been killed by a siren.