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Chapter Text

As he lay awake, the snoring of Otogi and Honda mingling with the humming of the blimp, Jounouchi kept tracing the words etched into the skin around his bellybutton.

What was fate?

He had just watched Kaiba completely overturn whatever Ishizu had apparently known about fate and the future. He had renounced fate as having any power over him. Ishizu had used a vision of the future, apparently set in stone, in which Kaiba would fail, but he had won with his Blue Eyes White Dragon…which he had dramatically called his pride – and his soul. He had made his own future, his own fate.

And yet, as Jounouchi had talked to Yuugi, his friend had claimed that Kaiba had been guided by his past life and his connection to the soul of the Blue Eyes White Dragon that still stemmed from Ancient Egypt. So, had Kaiba been guided by fate after all? Jounouchi had noticed the Millenium Rod glowing during the duel. Were there higher powers at play?

It all came back to a question that haunted him since childhood. Was fate real? And how much control did it have over his life? His thoughts circled the topic like his fingers circled the mark. Lying awake anyway, he would rather think about fate, love and soulmates, than think about Mai lying motionless in the medical wing.

As a child, Katsuya had been all about love. He had watched all those dramas with his mother, who had been obsessed with romance TV series. It didn’t matter if they were Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Western. She had watched all of them and Katsuya had gotten entangled into them too.

By learning about love from scripts and tropes, he had become a romantic and an air head. One time at the playground he had tried to reenact his favourite scene of a European period drama, his mom had been watching lately. “Duel Me!”, he called to another boy, envisioning himself as the dashing hero who would save his lover from a loveless marriage in a fight with elegant rapiers – or a wooden stick in Katsuya’s case. Too bad the other child had no inclination of joining his make-believe. “You’re in my way!”, the boy exclaimed, pushed Katsuya into the sand and strode onwards. The dashing hero, having fallen on his buttocks, was a little dumbstruck at first, but quickly picked up his wooden stand-in rapier and continued to fight for love against make-believe villains.

He was good at picking himself back up. But at some point, he forgot to pick up his dreams with him. His dreams remained confined to the TV screen and the sand box at the playground and once he had outgrown the latter, he had outgrown his desire to find true love. Life had shown him that true love didn’t exist. He could see it in his parents. He could see it in the people around him. On the days that his parents didn’t argue, he could hear his neighbors screaming at one another.

The first time he learned about soul marks he was excited and happy. But life taught him to be skeptical. And how couldn’t he be? If there was such an easy identifier of your soul mate, shouldn’t the world only be filled with happy couples? He knew too well that that wasn’t the case. Soulmates were a fairytale and soul marks just a fluke of the universe messing with them.

His parents had told him that they were soulmates and had married shortly after meeting. Maybe they were mistaken, but what if not? If being literally fated for one another didn’t guarantee a happy relationship, then what could?

He had never questioned why his mother had never read him his soul mark, making him wait until he could read himself. Later, he wondered, if she too had already stopped believing in the power of soulmates. It was only after she had left, that he understood that she had sought to fill the hole in her love live with the artificial romance of period dramas and romcoms. He had seen the signs of course. He knew that people who loved another shouldn’t scream at each other like they did. But he had still hoped with all the naivety a child could muster.

Before his mother left, he had still believed that good guys get a happy end. That’s what the TV had told him. But now, it was either losing this belief or having to face the fact that he just might not be a good guy. His mother had left and taken his believe in soulmates with her.

When he talked to other people about their soul marks, he tried to keep it nonchalant. His sister, may she be blessed, had never lost her romanticism and constantly asked him about his soul mark and theorized where and when he might meet his soulmate. She stated that hers was utterly unhelpful as a simple “Are you Shizuka?” could be uttered in any situation. But Jounouchi’s was a little more situational. Surely, he could go and seek out his soulmate more actively. Jounouchi didn’t think so.

How many people got stuck with an unhelpful “Hello, nice to meet you!”? The best soul mark was probably “Hello, my name is…Nice to meet you!” Some people made it their mission to introduce themselves as extravagantly as possible just to avoid that. As if you could influence your fate this way. Jounouchi never knew whether he believed in fate or not. How much could you influence your fate? Was it inevitable? Was it just the result of your own actions? And if there were fated soulmates – why did you need soul marks at all? Shouldn’t you just be able to identify this person on your own?

There are people who didn’t meet their soulmate up until old age. There were people who never met theirs – or claimed to, at least.

Could you be wrong about identifying your soul mate? Looking at Jounouchi’s parents, one could think that. They at least claimed to have been soulmates – but that didn’t make their relationship work. So, either they were wrong about this, or being soulmates didn’t guarantee you any happiness with one another. Neither were thoughts Jounouchi particularly enjoyed.

There were people who never dated because what’s the point if they’re not your soulmate. There were people who dated anyway, because why wait? Again others were horrified by that as they thought of it as cheating on their soulmate. Then there were people that had speed-date after speed-date to accelerate the process, hoping their soulmate had the same idea. There were people actively searching and people waiting, trusting that fate will eventually join them.

Jounouchi never knew what to make of all of that. He hated the idea of his heart being forced by fate. But he longed for the idea of there being someone just made for him, someone who just loved him for him, whether by fate or other reasonings. The promise, that there was someone who would love him and only him was very tempting.

He traced his soul words and thought about everything that could go wrong.

Not all meetings end up with both people talking to one another. What about a simple “hello” thrown at a stranger that you passed before they could respond? Will there be a second meeting where the other person will utter their soul words? Will they still recognize each other?

And not all communication is verbal at all: How often have you already met your soulmate, but never known because you just didn’t talk to one another? Like that one person on the same bus to school or work, that you recognize purely because you see one another each morning, without ever exchanging a single word. Is there a familiarity from coexisting for a short time? Or is there maybe more?

The concept of the soul mark is feeble at best…

Jounouchi came back to the same thought over and over again. If fate was real, wouldn't soulmates just find one another without the marks? Shouldn't fate lead them on the way and let them recognize one another like this? But people are stupid, they need a hint. Well, even with this hint, some people don't recognize their soulmates…

Who came up with that anyway? Katsuya, the child, had been all about love, but Jounouchi the near-adult wanted nothing to do with it. He had forced every thought of soulmates out of his head. Never mind that in the dark of the night, he couldn’t keep his fingers from tracing the words etched into the skin around his bellybutton.

No. At sixteen, Jounouchi had already sworn to himself that he wouldn't look for his soulmate anymore. Deep down, he didn't even care if his soulmate would end up being his romantic partner, his friend, or anything else. He just wished for someone with a connection deep enough, soul mark or not. Someone who wouldn't leave. He kept tracing the kanji and kana while telling himself he wasn't wishing to hear them spoken out loud.

His soulmate sounded like an asshole anyway.

Chapter Text

His fingers kept circling the skin on his belly, feeling all the ridges and bumps of the scar that spread like lightning across his whole abdomen. The words were gone, obliterated by the wrath of an Egyptian god. He hadn’t even noticed it at first, too caught up in the finale of Battle City to pay attention to the inscription he tried so hard to forget. Well, now he didn’t need to ignore them anymore. They were gone. And on the way back from the battle island, he had locked himself in one of the blimp’s bathrooms to hide the tears he didn’t want to acknowledge. Why was he crying about the loss of something he hadn’t wanted to have in the first place? Why did it hurt so much when the wound had already scarred over? Why couldn’t he stop crying after the most joyous win of his best friend? Why couldn’t he just celebrate that Mai and the others had gotten saved?

It devastated him in a way he would have never anticipated – as if it was a sign he was destined to remain alone forever. After all the craziness – him nearly dying three times in a row while dueling…this was the one thing actually shaking him to his core. The erasure of his soul mark and – he feared – the eradication of any soul connection he might have had.

Huh, seemed like he only recognized what he had until it was gone.

For his friends, he had made a brave face. They didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t want another encouraging “you’ll find them eventually”-talk. Not if they made him feel as hollow as they usually did. He couldn’t take anymore emptiness after his mark had been wiped clean.

It wasn’t until after the pharaoh was gone, that someone broached the topic with him again.

Yuugi and him were sitting in the bedroom above the game shop, looking through new cards, discussing strategy, the usual. Just, that there was another part of their friendship missing. The other Yuugi – Atem – was gone.

Jounouchi had spent a lot of his free time with Yuugi, just to be present. As much as he mourned his friend, he knew that Yuugi mourned more. There had been a deeper connection between the two than any of their friends could really fathom. Which is why Jounouchi was immensely proud of his friend for striding forward with confidence.

And which is why Jounouchi wasn’t overly surprised – but slightly worried – as Yuugi suddenly burst into tears.

Through sobs and quivers, in the arms of his best friends, Yuugi spoke: “I think I lost my soulmate.”

That made Jounouchi freeze as he tried to console his friend. He had tried not to think of the scars anymore.

“Lost?”, he asked. “Have you also lost your mark?”

Yuugi blinked up at him, the confusion clear on his face. “What? No! It’s just…the other me – Atem. He’s gone! I lost him!”

“And he was your soulmate?” That was the first Jounouchi had ever heard of it. Yes, they had a special bond – you have to have that if you’re sharing a body! – but soulmates?

“I’m not sure. Since he had no memories, he also didn’t remember his soul mark. And I don’t remember his first words to me…it was all hazy when he first…when we first met.”

When Atem first possessed Yuugi’s body, Jounouchi thought. It was probably not easy to determine your first words then. Could you even count it talking to another if you shared the same body? How conscious did you have to be to talk to somebody if they were in your head?

Yuugi looked at him with hopeful eyes: “Do you remember the first words Atem had ever said? It must have been when I was with you, right? What did he say? Was it this?”

He pulled up his shirt to uncover the words etched around his belly button: Your courage brought us together.

Jounouchi looked at the mark ruefully: “Sorry, I don’t remember. In the very beginning, I didn’t even know it wasn’t you.” Something he still felt guilty about.

Yuugi shook his head in desperation. “I just need to know that it was him. Even if he is gone, it has to be him! I don’t want anyone else. If my soulmate isn’t Atem…I don’t want them!”

Upon this outburst of emotion, Jounouchi couldn’t help but envelop his friend in another prolonged hug in which his t-shirt got plenty soaked. He didn’t mind, though. He just wanted to be there for Yuugi.

As Yuugi regained his composure, he asked the question Jounouchi had hoped he’d forget about: “What did you mean ‘lost my mark’? Have you lost yours?”

Jounouchi hung his head, conflicted between shame and grief. He didn’t dare to speak it out loud, lest that made it actually true, so he just lifted his shirt to show Yuugi his scars.

He heard him suck in a breath, but didn’t dare look him in the face. He didn’t want to see the pity in his face.

“Oh, Jounouchi-kun, I’m so sorry!” Yuugi said with his voice full of empathy. “How did that happen?”

Jounouchi lowered the fabric again and stared at his hands. They were similarly painted with scars and scabs, though all from different fights, different times and not just one major incident. A map of his life of violence. He tried to keep his voice steady as he explained.

“When I dueled against Ma-… Rishid. Remember when we were both struck with lightening? It went right through my stomach. These are the scars from that. They call them Lichtenberg figures, I guess. Just that they are permanently branded into my skin. Some Egyptian magic shit or something.”

Yuugi made big eyes and jumped Jounouchi with another hug: “I’m just glad you’re still alive. That must have been horrible. It’s a miracle that you could get back up after that!”

Jounouchi chuckled lightly: “Yeah, it’s funny. After I passed out, I was in a sort of dream world. We were back at school and you all tried to cheer me on! Even Kaiba was there! Even though he walked right out from me. Well, after that I woke up, but my soul mark was gone.”

Yuugi tightened his embrace: “But I’m sure the words are still there, even if you cannot see them. You deserve a soulmate, you deserve happiness! A little lightning can’t take that away.”

Jounouchi disagreed. His youth had been littered with gang activity, bullying and violence. Of course he didn't deserve a soulmate anymore.

But, Yuugi, sweet Yuugi, deserved all the happiness in the world.

So, maybe, there was no soul mate for both of them. But their friendship was still the most important thing to Jounouchi, so he tried not to dwell on that. Soulmate-less they could keep each other company. He was fine with that.

Chapter Text

As if fate wanted to rub it into his face, Jounouchi’s friends found their soulmates within a few months of each other. He had had a few years of relative peace after graduation, focusing on anything but soulmates, but this serene time was now coming to an end.

Anzu had had the terribly fantastic idea of throwing them a “Happy Soulmate”-party to introduce each other’s partners. Jounouchi knew she did it in best conscience and not to hurt him and Yuugi. At this point, the two of them were the only ones left single. Yuugi had declined the invitation, claiming he had something important to take care of. Jounouchi was glad for it, actually, even if it left him the third wheel in every way.

At least that’s what he had anticipated. For some unknown reason, Anzu had invited Kaiba as well and for some even more obscure reason, Kaiba had actually shown up, even though he was mostly sulking in a corner, hiding behind a cup of punch. Jounouchi wondered why he himself even went to the little outing. He felt out of place and relegated himself to stand next to Kaiba, two third-wheels on this soulmate bus. Every single conversation was about soulmates, soul marks and the weird quirks of fate.

“It’s so ironic, isn’t it?”, said Ken, Anzu’s soulmate. The whole group laughed as Anzu turned bright pink over the story.

She had never told anyone about her soul mark as she deemed it something private and intimate. Now, she confessed that she had only wanted to move to the US, because her soul mark had been in English.

After high school she had applied for a stipendium at an art college to study dance and music. She spent a year with open ears and was always expecting to run into her soulmate. Then, during her summer break, she flew back to Japan to visit family and friends. At the airport, while waiting for her luggage to arrive, she bumped into Ken, a Japanese airport employee, who mistook her for an American tourist and asked: “Can I help you, madam?” in English. The spluttering Anzu had answered in a garbled mess of Japanese and English, which was an easy identifier for Ken’s bilingual soul mark.

So, Anzu had flown across half the world to meet her soulmate, while he had waited in her hometown. But as everyone laughed about this, they could all see the happiness radiating from the two. It was a silly story, yes, but one with a happy ending.

Anzu had since moved to a Japanese art college to further pursue her career, but also follow her fated relationship. It seemed to go well so far, but Jounouchi wondered: had all her dreams of America really stopped once she found out that her soulmate lived in Japan? Or had she satiated that desire just within that one year? Or had she really been, like she claimed, only interested in the country, because she believed to be fated to be there? He didn’t even point out the flaw in her original logic: that English was just as well spoken in England, Canada, Australia and pretty much any other country. Her wish to go to the U.S.A. had to stem from something else, but now it seemed not to matter anymore. So Jounouchi stayed silent on the matter. It wasn’t his place.

What he had definitely been very vocal about was the relationship between his sister and his formerly-but-actually-still-presently friend. Honda could count himself lucky that he had broken the truth to him one on one before springing this on the entire group as a surprise one evening. His friend had also had the foresight to come clear in a café that was frequented enough that Jounouchi couldn’t kill him right then and there.

But after Jounouchi had recovered from the initial shock, he had to admit that the pair wasn’t half bad. He knew Honda. He was a decent guy. If he had to trust anyone with his sister, it would probably be Honda. And after some time warming up to the idea that his sister had grown up and didn’t need her big brother looming over everything, he could even find amusement in their story. Honda had never told him his soul words. He deemed them to embarrassing. Now, they made for a rather sweet story.

Shizuka and Honda hadn’t fallen in love at first sight. They hadn’t even recognized each other at first sight. Well, sight was an especially difficult word here considering Shizuka couldn’t see anything as they first met. Honda, who might have had functioning eyes, had been elsewhere with his mind and therefore equally blind to their situation. So, their first meeting had been amicable but without awareness.

Honda claimed the reason was because he already believed that Shizuka couldn’t possibly be his soulmate as her first words didn’t match his mark. Well, he hadn’t considered that these words were neither spoken to him directly, nor spoken in the presence of him. It had been the video tape recording Shizuka had sent Jounouchi. Jounouchi wouldn’t have faulted Honda for being secretive about his soul mark if the words had indeed been “Hello oniisan, how are you?” Considering Honda had an older sister this would have been mortifying on multiple levels. Fortunately, that apparently wasn’t how it worked. Honda just hadn’t known that yet.

So, when they actually met, Honda hadn’t particularly paid attention to Shizuka’s first words and Shizuka had been preoccupied with not being able to see the man she didn’t know, but who somehow knew her brother and promised her to bring her to him.

In Battle City, Shizuka had admired Honda for supporting Jounouchi from the sidelines, but through all the chaos that was dueling with Egyptian Gods involved, she never really dwelled on her feelings.

It wasn’t until she met him again after he and Jounouchi had graduated and they found a deeper understanding of each other. Honda had learnt that Shizuka might be called quiet, but that there was as fierce a spirit as Jounouchi’s under all that tranquility. He quickly came to admire her ambition and her kind heart. Likewise, Shizuka fell in love with Honda’s sincerity, his strong beliefs and his ever-present willingness to help others. One of the reasons he hadn’t recognized her as his soulmate right away was because he had been so preoccupied with his mission of helping Jounouchi and Shizuka meet. Once Shizuka had learnt that, it made him all the more endearing in her eyes.

When they met more often, they found solace in one another and Honda had even confided in her about his embarrassing soul mark – something he hadn’t even told Jounouchi. That was the moment they figured it out.

Honda, who had only known Shizuka from one video tape, had to ask through the hospital to find his best friend’s sister: “You're Shizuka?”. Shizuka, unable to see who had approached her, had assumed that her mother had visited again and spoken before he could ask. The group laughed as they revealed that Honda had “Mom?” imprinted on his stomach.

The story sparked an interesting discussion about the whole functionality of soulmate identifying marks. As it seemed per Honda’s and Shizuka’s story, the words only counted if they were directed at the other person. Video tapes apparently didn’t count. But what if you recorded it addressed at the right person? What about video chat? What about phone calls? What if you overheard somebody saying something to another person even if that somebody wasn’t directly talking to you? What about a person addressing a bigger group and their soulmate was part of that? Did that count? Had anyone ever heard of cases like this? What were the actual rules if you really thought about that. There were a lot of myths and tales surrounding the topic.

Jounouchi didn’t participate in this discussion. Frankly, he didn’t really care. It was other details he had problems with concerning the whole soulmate thing. He hung back and kept to his non-conversation with Kaiba. Just two singles dudes and a solo cup. Jounouchi wondered if he should try Anzu’s punch. At least he’d then have a cup to hide behind, too. He laughed as Kaiba scoffed at Ken and Honda vividly debating if in this day and age texting could fall under the first words “spoken” to another person. “You’d think if it is this complicated, someone would have made a rule book by now”, he commented and earned himself another scoff. Though this one sounded a little more like a laugh. Jounouchi gladly took this little victory.

He tuned out of the general conversation and wondered why Kaiba had bothered to come. Anzu’s motive for inviting him were unknown to him, but he could guess: in high school, Kaiba had somehow become part of their group after everything going down in Egypt and Kaiba returning from the U.S.. Through Duel Monster Tournaments, that Yuugi and especially Jounouchi regularly participated in, their friend group had steady run-ins with the unapproachable CEO, who seemed to slowly stop being so unapproachable and – still cold and scornful – started participating in their get-togethers. Seems like even billionaires get lonely sometimes, Jounouchi mused. Or he liked torturing himself, it seemed. Why else would you go to a soulmate party when you’re still single?

He sighed. Well, case in point. Apparently Jounouchi also liked to torture himself.

He tuned back into the conversation as it shifted from “how does finding your soulmate work?” to “what even is a soulmate?”. This had been mostly sparked by Ryou sharing his story. And being met with little understanding.

“So, you’re just like – roommates?”, Ken asked and Jounouchi immediately decided that he didn’t necessarily like Ken.

Ryou was a little flustered: “I mean, we are soulmates and we live together.”

Ryou had come alone as his soulmate had to work the night. Now Jounouchi wished that he had kept more to Ryou than mimed jilted rejects with Kaiba. The poor guy didn’t know how to fight off all the invasive questions.

“But like: what do you do together?”, Otogi asked. He sat on one of the armchairs, his girlfriend sitting on his lap.

Ryou just shrugged: “We live together. We live our lives together. We cook, we play games, we-…”

“Yeah, but what do you as a couple?”, Otogi kept questioning.

“We aren’t a couple.”

The confused stares were silent judgment enough.

Only Anzu had to cry out: “But you’re soulmates! How come that doesn’t make you a couple?”

“Who says it has to?”, answered Ryou, but he sounded much less assertive than he probably wanted to be.

“So, you’re both single, living together, but soulmates?”, Anzu reiterated. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Ryou tilted his head in thought. “I wouldn’t call us single. We aren’t looking for a relationship if that’s what you mean with that.”

“But don’t you want a relationship?”

Ryou shook his head, causing only more confusion around the party.

Ken laughed: “Oh, are you one of these ‘no attachment’ style of relationship? Fuckbuddies or something?”

Ryou went bright red at this statement and stumbled over his words: “N-no! We aren’t! I’m…I’m not interested in fu-…I’m not interested in sex.”

The room fell silent as if the s-word had been a magic spell.

“Like, I’m not interested in ever doing it”, Ryou continued, seeming like he wanted to shrink into the ground, “I just don’t care about it. I don’t want it. I don’t need it.” He shrugged again.

“But what about your soulmate?”, Honda asked, disbelieving. “Doesn’t he have…desires?”

“Sure, but he can find that with other people”, Ryou stated as if it was obvious.

“And you don’t care that he’s cheating on you?” Anzu seemed scandalized.

“It’s not cheating if I know about it. And anyway: it’s just sex.”

“Just sex?”, Honda gawked. “Just sex? Come on! It’s the best thing about-“ he caught the death stare Jounouchi was giving the guy dating his sister and swallowed hard: “I mean, it’s supposed to be a wonderful thing. Why don’t you care about it?”

Ryou just kept shrugging helplessly. “I just don’t care about it. I know that Hideki likes it, but he doesn’t really care who he does it with, so it works just fine for us.”

Anzu still didn’t seem content: “But you’re soulmates! How come you-“

Jounouchi cut her off “Come on! Give him a break!” He stepped in, shoving himself between the overwhelmed Ryou and the rest of the group: “Who says soulmates have to have sex? Who says soulmates have to become a couple? Did your soul marks all come with instructions of how to behave with one another?” Silence answered him. “That’s what I thought. Listen: if Ryou says the arrangement work for them, it works for them, okay? He’s happy, right?” He threw a cautionary glance at Ryou who nodded emphatically. “So, that’s the only thing that matters, okay?”

He took Ryou by the arm and gently stirred him to the wall he had been guarding with Kaiba, plopping him down onto a couch and sitting next to him.

While the rest took up their story telling – Otogi bragging about how he met his soulmate at a fan meet he had arranged for himself – Jounouchi took on asking Ryou the actually important questions: What is Hideki like? What’s his favourite food? Does he like Duel Monsters?

“No”, Ryou laughed at Jounouchi’s predictable question. “But he helps me with new ideas for my campaigns! He’s really artistic and likes painting the figurines for the players! Last time we spent the whole night discussing the design of this new dessert dungeon I was planning and we didn’t even notice how much time had gone by until the sun had crept into our room!”

Jounouchi listened attentively. He only had to look into Ryou’s bright eyes to understand the most important part: Ryou was happy. Hideki was important to him. Not as a lover, not as a boyfriend, but as somebody who fundamentally understood Ryou and vibed with him. Someone Ryou could spend all the time in the world with. Ryou was practically beaming when talking about Hideki. Maybe soulmates did guarantee love. But who got to say it had to be sexual desire or romantic love? Couldn’t a live partner not be someone you just felt good about being around? He felt a longing tuck right under his heart.

Jounouchi was very aware of Kaiba’s eyes boring into the back of his head as he listened to Ryou telling him about his insecurities about the not-relationship: “It really works for us! But I hate that I have to explain it all the time!”

Jounouchi nodded and could only demonstrate his understanding by listening without judgment. Ryou didn’t like sex. Hideki liked sex so much, he found immense joy in his work as an escort. So, the two not only had to fight the stigma that came with sex work, but also the invasive questions about their non-existent intimate life.

“Tell you what, Ryou”, Jounouchi said. “If anyone ever bothers you about this ever again, just send them my way! I’ll give them a good talking to.” He cracked his knuckles for emphasis, making Ryou laugh all the more.

“I don’t think this will be necessary”, he said. “But thank you.”

The bigger group let their discussion fizzle out soon after and did what the party was intended to do: get to know the soulmates of their friends as they were to become part of the group. Ryou ventured over to Ai, Otogi’s girlfriend. She seemed nice enough, Jounouchi thought. He just currently didn’t want to make more soulmate talk. Especially not with someone who seriously had gone to an official Otogi-fan-meet.

The group dispersed around the room and happy chatter filled the air. There were only Kaiba and Jounouchi standing around as bitter singles again.

Jounouchi sighed.

“Don’t tell me you’re also wishing for a soulmate like this?”

Jounouchi hadn’t even noticed Kaiba approaching further. The other man took the place Ryou had just vacated, but didn’t even spare a look at Jounouchi.

“I don’t know. Maybe. It must be nice to have someone to match with.”

“Tell me: If two people match because of their soul marks but are otherwise the complete opposites of one another, absolutely incompatible, would you tell them to get into a relationship regardless?”

Jounouchi mused a while on his answer before he responded: “No, not without thought at least. But maybe take it as incentive to get to know one another? Maybe there is something they don't see upon first glance. Who knows? Maybe they'll find common ground regardless. Or them being different is what makes them work? It's like ‘opposites attract’ that can work just as well as ‘like calls to like’, you know?”

Jounouchi didn’t even know why he defended the concept of soulmates. Didn’t Kaiba just voice his very own thoughts on the matter?

Kaiba scoffed. A repeating pattern of the evening. Why did he even come?

Jounouchi decided to ask this aloud.

Kaiba only scoffed again: “To remind myself why all this soulmate talk is absolute bullshit! There are nearly seven billion people on this earth and you’re telling me everyone is neatly organized into pairs of two? Look at them: Otogi got himself an adoring fan – which he has multiple of! Why is this one exactly his soulmate? It’s just one person so sure of himself and another person so lost in adoration she doesn’t notice she loves someone who already loves himself more than enough. Anzu has found someone equally obnoxious as herself. From my experience there are more than enough of these kinds of people in the world, so what makes it that only these two individuals should be made for each other?”

Jounouchi shrugged. He agreed, but couldn’t help to raise counterarguments: “Maybe it’s just deeper than that. Not just a matching personality type, but like…everything! I don’t know! Don’t ask me for the logistics of this! But isn’t the thought nice that there is a person just made for you?” Inwardly, he cringed at his own words. No person was made for another. That’s not what love should be about, he thought. But he wouldn’t make even more pathetically romantic statements about love. Kaiba seemed angry enough.

“I hate other people telling me what I am supposed to like! Even if it’s ‘fate’” – the quotation marks were audible in his derision – “who tells me what to do. Nobody tells me what to do. I am the sole agent of my life. Fate has no power over me. I make my own fate.”

Kaiba’s words were full of venom, spitting hate against the very concept.

“I guess you’re right”, Jounouchi agreed. “The whole concept sucks. How can you even call it love, if it’s forced?”

Jounouchi clung to this disdain of the concept of soulmates. It felt good to have someone agree with him for once. He looked around, staring at his friends’ faces. But they all looked so happy! Could he really find fault in something that brought his friends so much joy? Could he fault himself for wanting something like that, too?

As if he had read his thoughts, Kaiba glanced at him from the side: “I thought you’d be all for it, considering the friendship speeches and all.”

“Well, I’ve chosen all of my friends, didn’t I? I don’t have any matching marks with them.”

Kaiba chuckled darkly: “Well, I already pity the poor soul that has to be your soulmate.

That stung more than it should. “I don’t have a soulmate”, Jounouchi said curtly.

Kaiba stayed quiet after that. He sloshed the punch in his cup, looking pensive.

“My soul mark is useless”, Kaiba admitted after some time. “And I’m not even looking for my soulmate since I’m not interested in finding them. But if I were: I’d have no idea who they are unless they have a very individual soul mark. Mine is too broad. It’s a sentence a lot of people have said to me before and will probably say to me again.”

“What, is it them calling you out for being an asshole?”, Jounouchi asked with a smug grin.

Kaiba rolled his eyes: “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? No, my soulmate is not quite as crass as you. It might not be the politest sentence, but it doesn’t contain any name calling.”

Jounouchi let himself fall against the back of the couch. “My soulmate sounds kinda rude, so I’m not too thrilled about looking for them either.”

It was only kind of a lie. Maybe a part of him was still hoping to run into someone, hitting it off. Finding love, finally. But he didn’t believe in it anymore.

Now Kaiba turned to him, fully: “I thought you didn’t have a soulmate?”

Jounouchi sighed. Another repeating pattern of the evening. “It’s complicated.”

He wasn’t too keen on explaining his whole situation to Kaiba, but Kaiba thankfully left it at that.

That didn’t mean that Jounouchi could now enjoy the evening in peace. Soon the rest of the group, especially Anzu, decided to go after the remaining members of the group who still didn’t have a soulmate. Jounouchi could only be thankful that Yuugi had stayed away. The poor guy had enough on his emotional plate without other people hounding him for being single while his soulmate rested in the afterlife.

As Kaiba went to refill his punch – maybe Jounouchi should have taken some too, even if he wasn’t a fan of alcohol: the evening became increasingly unbearable sober – he got hassled by Anzu and the others about his soul mark.

“Are there any hints where you might find your soulmate?”

“Because that worked so great for you? Making assumptions about where and when, just to still get it wrong?” He didn’t intend to sound mean, but his patience was running out.

Anzu kept her cheerful attitude anyway: “Well, I did find my soulmate eventually, didn’t I? I’m sure you’ll find yours soon, too!”

Jounouchi thought not.

“What are your words? Maybe we can help figure it out?”, asked Ken and now Jounouchi definitely knew he would only tolerate the guy for Anzu’s sake. Was it really her soulmate if he didn’t fit in her friend group? Who just asked someone for their soul mark? That shit’s intimate!

“Yeah”, Anzu agreed and suddenly Jounouchi questioned if he liked her either. That was a mean thought, though. He knew Anzu meant well. It was just a sore spot for him and he let his agitation govern his words. Maybe, in a different setting, he might even get to like Ken. All this soulmate shit just really got on his nerves.

“Maybe you even met them already without realizing yet! Just like it took Shizuka and me a while to understand!”, Honda chimed in, ignoring Jounouchi’s discomfort at the discussion.

Jounouchi grit his teeth. He wanted to tell them off, but didn’t know how.

“What about Mai?”, Anzu suddenly asked. “You got along so well! It would be wonderful if-“

That was the last straw. They shouldn’t drag Mai into this! Jounouchi jumped up and shouted: “Mai is not my soulmate! Nobody is my soulmate, okay?! Just leave me alone with all this! I don’t want this!”

“But everyone has a soulmate!”, Anzu persisted.

“Well, maybe I don’t, so will you just shut up about it?!”

He immediately regretted his outburst, as the others stared at him in shock. But he felt the anger still swirling inside him, so he kept quiet. If he kept going, he would say a lot more hurtful things. He didn’t want that.

He felt a hand land on his shoulder: “I think it’s time for us to go now”, Kaiba said. “I promised Jounouchi a ride home and I’ll need to rise early tomorrow, so I hope you can excuse us.”

There had been no such promise, but Jounouchi would take anything to escape this conversation. So, he just nodded, gathered his things and took his leave. As he hugged Anzu goodbye, he whispered a quick apology for his outburst and she just nodded, already smiling again.

Outside, Kaiba waited for his driver.

“Hey, thanks, man”, Jounouchi said, fully meaning it. “I can make my own way home now. No need to bother.”

Kaiba just gave him a quick look: “I already offered, so why not just accept?”

Jounouchi didn’t need to be asked again. He had always wondered what it would be like to ride in Kaiba’s limousine. Though the car that arrived was more the size of a normal cab. They sat even closer together than they had on the sofa. Their knees kept bumping into one another as the car made its way towards Jounouchi’s neighborhood over uneven roads.

To break the silence, Jounouchi flashed Kaiba a broad smile: “Thanks again, Kaiba. You really saved me in there. I don’t know what I’d have done if they kept bothering me like that.”

“Look at it as a compensation. You made my evening bearable”, Kaiba said.

“Hey, how much punch have you had that makes you say it?”, Jounouchi asked with a nervous laugh, feeling the blush in his cheeks. “But I’m glad you enjoyed yourself with me.”

On another swerve of the car, Kaiba seemingly lost his balance and reached out an arm to catch himself. His hand laded on Jounouchi’s thigh. Instantly, Jounouchi felt the heat creep up his neck.

“Do you really have to get up early tomorrow?” It was a distraction for himself more than anything.

Kaiba slowly retreated his hand, but didn’t back off. “No. I only said that to get Anzu off our backs. I promised Mokuba to take it easier and my weekends are – well, mostly –  work-free. I have the whole night to myself.”

There was a promising tone to his words that Jounouchi just needed to decipher.

“You really made my evening bearable, too, you know that? I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d have to face them all alone. My single ass against a crowd of happy couples.”

“Didn’t you say you don’t want a soulmate?”

“Doesn’t mean I like being lonely”, Jounouchi admitted. He breathed a heavy sigh. “Doesn’t matter, anyway. I feel like fate is always fucking with me.”

He tilted his head to look at Kaiba. They were even closer now. He could stare into those blue eyes that kept a steady gaze on him. He recognized himself in them. It felt great to find an understanding with somebody else. Especially on matters of fate.

“Well, fuck fate.” They were only inches apart at this point and Jounouchi watched Kaiba’s lips as he spoke.

This is a night of bad decisions, he thought. Well, I don’t care. This is my life. Not fate. His words were breathy as he agreed: “Yeah, fuck fate.”

The distance between them closed within an instant and they collided with tongue and teeth. Kaiba’s lips tasted like Anzu’s homemade strawberry punch. The sweet mixed well with Kaiba’s musky cologne. Jounouchi hadn’t even drunken anything this evening, yet he quickly became intoxicated.

He only half-registered as Kaiba knocked at the partition to his driver and gave new instructions. Only ten minutes later, Kaiba slammed him against the door of his Domino City Penthouse.

“What are we doing?”, Jounouchi asked breathless as Kaiba locked the door.

Kaiba gave him a seductive smile and answered as blunt and straight forward as ever: “Well, today we learned that you can be soulmates without fucking. Do you want to proof with me that you can fuck without being soulmates?”

And Jounouchi was too frustrated, too angry at fate and frankly too turned on to say anything but yes.

They didn’t even bother to turn on the light when they stumbled into Kaiba’s bedroom. Clothes were quickly disposed of. Jounouchi’s back hit the mattress as Kaiba climbed on top of him. In the darkness of night, he let his hands be his eyes and explored the other man. The meticulously sculpted body, the smooth skin, the soft hair. Jounouchi took all of this in as his fingers roamed Kaiba’s form and discovered all the places that made Kaiba’s breath hitch.

And Kaiba gave as much as he took. His fingertips glided over where his Jounouchi’s mark was supposed to be. Jounouchi felt him hesitate as he felt the ridges of the scars. He heard a breath being sucked in and feared the worst, but then Kaiba just came down to kiss him again. His hands wandered further down and back to his ass, kneading the flesh. Now it was Jounouchi’s turn to suck in a breath. Yes, that’s something he’d rather be feeling right now.

The prodding fingers shooed away all the prodding questions from his friends. He welcomed the slight pain in the beginning. It wiped his mind and heart clean of all the other sorrow. As they swung to greater and greater highs he could at least momentarily forget about all the past lows. With each thrust Kaiba erased the demanding question, undid all the doubts and insecurities and replaced it with pleasure.

Exhausted and spent, he fell asleep entangled with Kaiba. And for once, Jounouchi’s fingertips didn’t go on a search for his soul mark, but instead lingered on Kaiba’s warm skin.

Chapter Text

One time is an accident. Two times might be a mistake. But by the third, fourth, fifth time, they had to admit that this had become some sort of…routine. They would meet up, sometimes because of a tournament, sometimes because of a friendly gathering, sometimes they would just meet up, the two of them. They would talk some, make out, fall into bed together and by morning, Jounouchi would wake up alone.

Though they talked, they never spoke of their arrangement. Their relationship – if you dared to call it that – was a line of hook-ups. Maybe you could call them friends? Apart from the first night, Kaiba insisted on them sleeping on the separate sides of the bed. He wouldn’t cuddle Jounouchi as if to draw a strict line between sex and intimacy. They only made out in the dark of night as if hiding from the truth of their connection.

But even Kaiba couldn’t deny that they were growing closer. Maybe it was maturity that came with age, maybe it was being the bitter singles in a group of paired up happy couples, maybe it was just natural attraction, but they were finding themselves drawn together over and over again.

So, when in the morning after one of their trysts, Jounouchi woke up and the bed was still occupied, he wasn’t too shocked. Pleased, but not surprised. He just rolled over with a happy smile and watched Kaiba sleep. Even the borderline robotic CEO had to rest sometimes. In the warm sunlight streaming in, he looked so much more approachable now, nearly vulnerable. Jounouchi reached out a hand before it even registered what he was doing there. As he gently brushed the bangs out of Kaiba’s face, blue eyes fluttered open and Jounouchi had to keep himself from flinching back. Was he already overstepping? It had been over a month of them…doing stuff. They had done much more intimate acts than a simple brush of fingers, but he still feared that he…

His thoughts came to a halt as Kaiba returned his smile and spoke a soft “Good morning”.

There was a fluttering feeling in his chest and he retracted his hand at last. “G’morning. Sleep well?”, he responded, masking this nervous flitter with a broad grin.

“Well, for once I wasn’t kicked by a sleeping dog.”

“Hey! I don’t kick in my sleep!” Not anymore at least. “But I can punch you awake if you want.” He pounced on the still sluggish Kaiba, wrestling him flush to the bed.

He was met with a raised eyebrow. “Is this what you call punching?”

“Nah, don’t wanna mess up your pretty face.” He wanted to sound mocking, but the compliment slipped out anyway.

He let an appreciative look glide over Kaiba’s naked body. It was the first time he could see him like this in the light of day. He liked what he saw. Smooth skin, light muscle definition, a short and crisp soul mark. His gaze halted. Then he burst out laughing.

Confusion then irritation flickered in Kaiba’s face, before he was back to stone cold: “What the hell are you laughing about?”

“Sorry, but I’ve never seen your soul mark before”, Jounouchi gasped and tried to stifle any further laughter.

He of all people should know how sensitive of a topic that could be. You should never make fun of someone else’s soul words. But seriously? Kaiba’s kind of asked for that. It was too absurd. Too fitting, actually.

Kaiba raised an eyebrow, seemingly not taking too much offense at Jounouchi’s outburst. “And what, if I may ask, is so funny about it?”

Another eruption of laughter escaped Jounouchi: “Come on! It literally reads ‘Duel Me’! If it wasn’t your soul mark, I’d think you had tattooed that on yourself!”

Kaiba rolled his eyes but couldn’t argue.

Jounouchi still worked on controlling the giggles, but continued: “Though, they are pretty useless as your soul words. Usually that’s something you’d say.”

“You’ve challenged me to a duel plenty of times”, Kaiba reminded him.

“Yeah sure, but never as my first words to you. Who just barges in and demands a duel like that?”

“You’d be surprised how often that happens. That’s why they are useless: too many people have said that to me.”

“Hmm. Okay, I get that.” Jounouchi wondered if he could risk the question that had popped into his head upon seeing the words. He had already poked their boundaries a lot. But his curiosity won. “Is that why you are so obsessed with Duel Monsters? Because of your mark?”

Kaiba’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “No.” The word was clipped.

With one swift movement, Kaiba managed to throw Jounouchi off and pin him to the bed instead. Jounouchi prepared to be further manhandled, but Kaiba just kept a steady grip on his arms and spoke in steady tones: “My ambitions in the game are my own. I duel for myself, not for fate. Fate has no hand in my actions.” Jounouchi disagreed, but wouldn’t say so. He knew he couldn’t sway Kaiba on this topic. “And as I said: I have no intention of seeking out a soulmate. Therefore, these words are inconsequential.”

There was an edge to his words that Jounouchi recognized. It was familiar to him. It sounded like his own so often did. Like you wanted your words to be true, but deep down knew that they weren’t. Maybe Duel Monsters just happened to fill a void in Kaiba’s life. Maybe it was coincidence, but maybe it was something bigger. The association had to have been there. And if you knew that your soulmate would also play the game, wouldn’t that… Jounouchi faltered at that thought. Kaiba had been obsessed with Duel Monsters. But Kaiba had also been obsessed with the other Yuugi. Did he think Atem was his soulmate? Is that why he had written off finding his soulmate? Because Atem was gone? And other than Yuugi, Kaiba never got to say goodbye…

The fluttering feeling had surged and died in his chest. He didn’t like the thought and tried to bury it deep down.

A ticklish sensation at his side roused him from the depths of his contemplation. Kaiba had taken advantage of his stillness and likewise explored his body in the light. Jounouchi couldn’t read the look in his eyes and squirmed. Kaiba’s fingers trailed along the lightning of his scars. The touch was gentle and exploring. Nearly reverent. Jounouchi turned his head to the side. He avoided looking at Kaiba in light of this intimacy.

“That’s what you meant when you told me you didn’t have a soulmate.”

It wasn’t a question, but Jounouchi still nodded, not meeting Kaiba’s eyes.

“Battle City?”

“Yeah. The duel against Marik. Though I actually don’t know which one caused more damage: the one against fake Marik or real Marik. I only noticed the words were gone after Yuugi had won the tournament.”

“So, you remember them?”

Jounouchi, once again, couldn’t place the tone of Kaiba’s voice. Was he just curious or was there something more?

“Yeah. Something about someone telling me to get out of their way.” He didn’t even know why he didn’t want to speak them verbatim as if he was scared to hear them spoken aloud. Even if they were gone from his skin, they were imprinted on his mind.

Kaiba snickered: “So, after your own logic: is that why you were always so obnoxious and loud? That someone could tell you off for lingering in places you weren’t supposed to be?”

Now Jounouchi turned to face Kaiba head on and gave him a challenging grin: “What, did I ever stand in your way?” Humor came easier than sincerity.

The smile on Kaiba’s face was genuine and only slightly mocking: “From the very beginning? Always.” He settled on Jounouchi’s thighs and lowered himself down. It was impossible for Jounouchi to escape this hold now. “You were always where I didn’t want you to be. Sneaking into my tournament though you were nowhere near good enough, for example.”

“Well, I’m good enough for you now, it seems.”

Kaiba rolled his hips, making Jounouchi gasp involuntary: “Don’t be mistaken: You know, shoving my dick into you does not equal me acknowledging you as a duelist, right? Because you’re not.”

Jounouchi let the insult fly as he bucked his hips in response: “But you love showing your dick into me.”

And if to make it a point, Kaiba bent down to capture him in a searing kiss, only releasing one of Jounouchi’s arms to snake it around and prepare to continue where they had left of the night before.

*-*-*-*-*

Jounouchi hadn’t told his friends about his relationsh-…arrangement with Kaiba. He just never knew how to broach the subject. Hey, by the way, I’m fucking Kaiba now! seemed to be a bit too crass.

So, he kind of panicked when Yuugi called him one of the Sunday mornings he spent at Kaiba’s apartment, still undressed, potentially going for their now usual morning round. He should not have taken that call, in hindsight.

“Hey, Yuugi, what’s – eeeeek! – up?”

Jounouchi had trouble to control his voice as Kaiba had taken it upon himself to place tickling kisses down his neck. Teasing bastard!

“Hey, Jounouchi! Do you have time to come over?”, Yuugi asked.

Jounouchi threw a quick glance at Kaiba, who seemed to have heard just as well. The asshole just slid a hand around Jounouchi to give his half-hard member a slight tug, making his intention clear.

Jounouchi cleared his throat, trying to ignore the tingling feeling that rose up his spine: “Ehm, I’m not sure, Yuugi. Why you asking?”

He could hear the hesitation in Yuugi’s voice as he pressed on: “I think…I did a lot of research these past weeks and…I’m not sure it will work, but…I think I know how to get Atem back.”

“What?!”, Jounouchi exclaimed.

Kaiba stilled behind him and his hands and lips retreated. The spots felt awfully cold now that Kaiba’s touch was gone. Any lingering arousal was gone within a heartbeat. Jounouchi turned and looked at him. Kaiba’s face was stony, but Jounouchi had no doubt that he had heard every word. What was he thinking now?

Yuugi, who had no idea what was going on in Kaiba’s bedroom, quickly continued: “I researched on rituals and I think I can summon him to come back. I’m not sure if it will really work, but I’d like you to come over.” Yuugi paused. “Only if you want, of course.”

Jounouchi glanced into Kaiba’s eyes and saw steely resolve. He felt a twisty knot form in his stomach, yet his voice remained steady: “Okay, we’re right on our way.”

He hung up, before he was forced to respond to Yuugi’s confused “We?”.

Kaiba was still staring at him, but Jounouchi felt like he didn’t see him anymore and that darn knot twisted harder.

Still, he nodded. They’d be on their way.

*-*-*-*-*

The storage room of the game shop was in a state Jounouchi had never seen before. All shelves had been pushed to the walls, nearly bursting from any remaining ware pushed haphazardly into any nook and cranny left. Boxes were piling up on one another, seemingly without care or order, occasionally spilling card packs. Some pop-up stand was stuffed with items that were not intended to be there.

The ground was seemingly swept thoroughly before Yuugi had used black paint – kohl? – to paint an intricate design onto the center of the room. Some symbols looked familiar to Jounouchi, but he couldn’t place them. He guessed they were all ancient Egyptian glyphs.

“Jounouchi! You made it just in time! I’m nearly done!”

Yuugi only spared a quick glance at Kaiba entering behind Jounouchi. He was already too enthralled in his ritual preparations. Jounouchi was apparently not the only one he had called as Honda, Anzu and Ryou already lingered in the far corner of the room and carefully avoided to step onto the summoning circle.

Because that’s what it was, surely. Yuugi wanted to summon Atem from the afterlife like some demon from hell. Jounouchi quickly wondered if he should have pushed for professional help after Yuugi’s breakdown way back then.

Somehow, nobody seemed to share his thoughts. Anzu seemed absolutely gleeful. Jounouchi wished he had her optimism. Honda looked cautiously excited. A little skeptical maybe, but supportive all the way. Ryou just studied the outlay of the summoning circle, another piece of kohl in hand. He looked as excited as Jounouchi imagined a historian looked upon discovering a previously unknown ancient tome. Figured he’d be part of all the occult happenings, Jounouchi thought.

Even Kaiba, famously ignorant to all things magic, kept quiet, eyes shining with silent anticipation. He could lean on the wall with his arms crossed all he wanted, Jounouchi knew he was invested. And he didn’t know how to feel about it. He immediately felt bad about his apprehensions. They were trying to bring Atem back! One of his best buddies! He should be overjoyed!

Trying to ignore the little knot that persisted in his gut, Jounouchi did what Jounouchi did best and asked: “How can I help?”

Yuugi looked at him overjoyed: “I’m actually done with the hieroglyphs. You don’t have to actively participate in the ritual, but…I would like your support. Anzu, Honda? Would you come to the center, too? Yeah, right here in the inner circle.”

His friends obliged and watched Yuugi expectantly as he took out the kohl once again. As if on instinct, Jounouchi held out his hand. They formed the circle that was so intuitive to them as if they were sixteen again. Yuugi handed the kohl to Anzu, who carefully drew the smiley back on their hands.

“This isn’t really part of the ritual”, Yuugi explained. “But I thought it might help. Atem was our friend, so maybe he can come back into our circle!”

And suddenly Jounouchi felt all the joy that had been missing since their trip to Egypt. How could he ever feel dread upon the prospect of Atem returning? How would he ever be sad if his friend group regained a member, they had all thought lost?

As he stepped back out of the circle to leave the actual ritual up to Yuugi and Ryou, his eyes fell onto Kaiba and he remembered: Happiness and dread can coexist. He could hope for Atem to return and hope for the ritual to not work. He wanted Yuugi to find happiness with his soulmate. Yet still he wanted to keep his twosome loneliness with Kaiba.

Because what if…

He squashed the thought and concentrated on Yuugi and Ryou, who placed a golden artifact into the middle of the room. Jounouchi’s eyes widened. That’s how they hoped to bring Atem back! He recognized the box that had held the puzzle pieces before Yuugi had finished the puzzle. While the Millenium artefacts had all disappeared in the pharaoh’s tomb, this one had peacefully sat on Yuugi’s desk. After the final duel, all had thought any connection to the ancient spirit lost. The box itself had no powers, but it surely must still have a connection to the other artefacts. Maybe this ritual could be successful after all! Jounouchi watched with bated breath as his two friends joined their hands in the circle and began reciting the ritual in what was probably ancient Egyptian. Just a few lines in, the first hieroglyphs started glowing.

Jounouchi’s stomach made a nervous swoop for completely new reasons. Yeah, no, that definitely wasn’t creepy. How high were the chances to accidentally summon some angry God or any other eldritch horror instead of…an ancient Egyptian spirit with shadow realm powers? Yeah, on hindsight, maybe Atem could be just as scary. But a friendly ghost was still better than an angry ghost, so Jounouchi would keep his fear to himself. And maybe the ritual worked to actually bring Atem to full life? Shit, he really should have asked Yuugi more questions.

He could do nothing but stare at the circle as the light emanating from the glyphs shone brighter and brighter, nearly blinding him. Before the golden shine could envelope the whole room, there was violet sparkle right in its middle, coming down like lightning. A loud bang, some invisible force forcing Jounouchi off his feet and suddenly the whole room was dark.

A little sore from his fall, Jounouchi was the first to stand as the lights came back on. He blinked. There was Yuugi standing… no, that wasn’t Yuugi. It had been a while, but he should really be able to tell the differences by now! Though…it seemed that Yuugi had grown a little in the last years of puberty. Atem might actually end up being the smaller one now.

Jounouchi couldn’t help but break out into a giant smile.

“Atem!”, he whooped and scooped his friend into a bone crushing hug.

The ancient pharaoh seemed a little disoriented at first, but quickly returned Jounouchi’s smile. He looked around, probably not quite recognizing the storage room in its deconstructed state. As his eyes landed on Yuugi, who had just picked himself off the ground, he wormed his way out of Jounouchi’s embrace to hug Yuugi instead.

Yuugi beamed as his arms encircled Atem: “Other Me! Finally, we meet again!”

“Yuugi! Your courage brought us together.” Atem smiled. “Again.”

Jounouchi’s eyes widened. He well remembered reading those words.

Yuugi had tears in his eyes, but his face shone brightly with happiness: “I knew it! I knew you’d be my soulmate!” He basically jumped from excitement.

Atem: “I also held no doubt. Even when I didn’t remember my soul words, I felt our connection. It is stronger than words.”

Jounouchi heard a shocked gasp and Anzu’s giddy squeals upon witnessing the meeting of soulmates – old and new. He didn’t care about what the others thought, he just reveled in his friends’ joy. He went in for a big hug, crushing both Yuugi and Atem together and into his arms.

The two soulmates giggled as he enveloped them into his bear hug. Both faces gleaming with unabashed happiness. Them meeting again should have been impossible, yet it still worked out.

Jounouchi pushed away the voice taunting him that therefore him finding his own soulmate had to be more than just impossible. This moment wasn’t about him. It was about Atem being back. As his own person this time. The friend group took turns welcoming their friend back. Jounouchi took a step back to just take in the view. Their friend group was complete again. The smile on his face wouldn’t vanish for some time, he was sure of that.

He quietly stepped next to Kaiba, who still leaned on the wall, unmoving. As stoic as he stood, Jounouchi could tell there was a lot going on underneath the surface.

“Don’t you want to greet him, too?”, he asked softly. “You might deny it, but we do consider you a friend.”

Kaiba stared at him like he spoke in a foreign language. Knowing Kaiba that had to be something like Navajo or Croatian for him to not be able to understand it. Or just talking like a normal human for once.

It wasn’t Kaiba who made the first move. As Atem had finally freed himself from all the hugs (except from Yuugi who seemed to now be permanently glued to his side), Atem came forward to the remaining person in the room.

“Kaiba! It’s good to see you again as well!” He nodded in greeting.

Kaiba nodded back stiffly. “Yuu- Atem. You’re back.”

“It seems like I am.” Atem looked at his hands like he still could not quite belief that he was corporeal again.

“Well, it seems like I got another chance to finally beat you.”

Jounouchi raised an eyebrow at Kaiba’s tone. Where he probably wanted to sound derisive, he sounded almost hopeful. Jounouchi had to think of the two little words he now so intimately knew. His fingers had become just as accustomed to trace them as they had done with his own mark before. Kaiba could talk all he wanted, he didn’t fool Jounouchi. He was still looking for a connection. Fate-appointed rivals, maybe.

But Atem made it clear that he didn’t see any of that: “Sorry, but I’d prefer it if you wouldn’t duel me for some time; I’d like to get used to this life without any crazy battles for the time being.”

Kaiba looked a little struck. Jounouchi knew the feeling well.

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t surprised as Kaiba pulled him back into his car after they had said their lengthy goodbyes (or well, Jounouchi had, while Kaiba kept stoically silent). As Kaiba’s mouth crushed into his, Jounouchi could taste the desperation in their kiss. Salt, not strawberries. He hadn’t planned on it, but he stayed the night at Kaiba’s. It was the first time he slept over more than one night in a row.

Upon entering the bedroom – still unmade from their disrupted romp in the morning – Jounouchi learned that there was more to Kaiba’s disappointment at Atem’s dismissal. He was desperate, a hungry beast clawing at Jounouchi’s skin. And Jounouchi gave in, just like that. Into the hunger and lust. He curved around Kaiba’s raw edges; he swallowed the pain alongside the pleasure. When Kaiba gasped “I need you”, he obliged; when Kaiba moaned, he chased that feeling with him. He wanted to take the bitter smoke of the day and replace it with sweet ecstasy.

When Kaiba cried out his name, Jounouchi felt like he wasn’t completely lost, not completely alone. There was someone to call out for him. He knew he would never hear the right words, but he could hear that. And he let himself revel in that alone.

And once they were spent, tired and still a little bit lost in one another, Kaiba actually let him hold him. Jounouchi closed his eyes and let the bittersweet feeling lull himself to sleep.

Chapter Text

It was hard to talk to Kaiba about feelings.

For weeks after Atem’s return, their communication was restricted to touches, kisses and moans.

Jounouchi gave Kaiba time. He didn’t even know what was going on in that big genius’ head, but he could wait for him to come around and maybe even explain. Especially since the waiting time was filled with really great sex.

But Kaiba did come around eventually and even if he didn’t explained himself, they had fallen back into their routine. Still filled with great sex, but also accompanied with shared meals, shared conversations or just shared silence. Talking to Kaiba about emotions was still not easy.

It was easier to hold discussions with him. So, you could coax out some feelings by discussing topics marginally related. Jounouchi at least tried to. Though Kaiba seemed to get more comfortable with Jounouchi in general. Comfortable enough to humor his questions.

“Like, why do you think so many soul marks are so useless? You said yours was. Why?”

Kaiba, though still in bed, with Jonouchi curled beside him, was already tapping away at his laptop. “I think it’s a flaw in human communication in general. The first thing you say to someone is usually something rather banal. We have social conventions of how to greet strangers and therefore there are way too many soul marks without significance.”

Jounouchi propped himself up on his elbow. He was quite comfy, but liked watching Kaiba work. He got so intense while focused. “Then how many people do you think end up with the wrong person, because they still had too much room for interpretation?”

“That implies that there is a right person and the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that all of that is utter humbug.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think there can ever only be one person for you. There are nearly seven billion people on this earth. Even with soulmate identifying marks the probability to meet just one in six billion people is very small. What if your soulmate lives on the other side of the earth? How would you know? We have already witnessed that you cannot guess the location based on the language of your mark. There are too many variables to make a perfect match possible. So, either fate isn’t real…or it is very cruel.”

“So, you don’t think soulmates are real?”

“That’s not what I said. I said that it is statistically impossible for there to be only one single person to connect with. For the average person at least.”

Jounouchi snorted. Of course, Kaiba would think that the rules of fate didn’t apply to him.

“I must think that they are possibilities. Compatibilities. If you want, you could say that the soul marks can just be a hint in the right direction.”

“Even if they are useless? Like a “Hello, Nice to meet you?”?”

“Those just show the shallowness of a person that seeks connection anywhere. Those people should be easily placated.”

At that Jounouchi had to full on laugh. It earned him a stern look from Kaiba.

“Do you consider your own mark shallow then?”, he asked once his laughter had subsided and he could breathe again.

“No.” Kaiba didn’t care to elaborate.

“But you said they were useless. That you’ve already heard them more than once. How often have you heard them? Any chance that your soulmate was one of them?”

“I doubt it. Most of the time it’s not what somebody says for our first time meeting. You’ve said them before, you keep saying them – even if you keep losing – Yuugi has said them, Atem has said them, other duelists have said them. Sometimes there are people who say this to me upon first meeting. Those are usually duelist full of themselves, wanting to prove something. No soulmate material for me, for sure.” The little side glance wasn’t lost on Jounouchi and it made his stomach knot. “There are a lot of children, too, actually. Which is a little awkward. If I were to believe in fate, I would wager that my mark doesn’t point to a soulmate, but to a purpose.”

“Making children happy by obliterating them in a duel?”

That earnt him a smack against his arm.

“You know what I mean.”

Jounouchi smiled. Yes, he knew. Over the last months, he had gained a deeper understanding of who Kaiba was as a person. Ambitious, focused, intelligent, but also actually kind. He just had a hard time showing it. How he always aimed to improve himself and tried to make the world a better place for children was something Jounouchi really admired.

“When I was a child and had just discovered the game, Mokuba would often say the words. Verbatim or rephrased. At some point I even thought: Who says soulmates have to be romantically involved? If I hadn’t already made it my life’s mission to protect and care for my brother, I would consider him my fate-appointed soulmate.”

“And?”

“What, and?”

“Well, is Mokuba your soulmate?”

Kaiba shook his head in an air that clearly said: You are such an idiot, but instead he said: “No. I know what his mark looks like. I’ve never said something like this to him. I never would.”

“Ah.” Jounouchi could only imagine what that would entail. Seems like Mokuba had quite a character coming for him. “Is he looking for his soulmate or does he handle it like you do?”

Kaiba sighed, long and strained. “He is pretty obsessed with it. I wonder if it’s because we don’t have any other family anymore. That he is looking for a permanent connection to replace what he has lost.”

Jounouchi nodded solemnly. “I get it. That’s why I’m glad to see Shizuka so happy. She deserves it after our family tore apart the way it did.”

He didn’t look up, but felt Kaiba’s eyes boring into him. The unspoken question But what about you? was left in the ridges of his scars.

“How do you feel about it?”, Jounouchi asked instead.

“What do you mean?”

“How do you feel about Mokuba looking for his soulmate?”

Kaiba stayed quiet for a moment, before he answered: “I think it is a waste of time. He could put that energy into something else” Something more valuable was left unsaid.

“Don’t you want him to be happy?”

He regretted his words immediately as Kaiba shot him a look of pure anger.

“I don’t think happiness should be put on the shoulders of one person alone.”

Jounouchi nodded meekly. Yeah, that was true. Shit, he hadn’t wanted to question Kaiba’s love for his little brother. That hadn’t been his intention. Still, he braced for another rebuke as he posed his final question: “Are you happy? Without a soulmate, I mean?”

This time, he didn’t even earn an answer. Just a long, intense look from Kaiba that he couldn’t read at all. And just after the words had left his mouth, Jounouchi realized how important that question was to him: Was Kaiba happy? And more specifically: was Kaiba happy to be with him? He felt his old insecurities bubble up. Could he even make Kaiba happy? Was he himself happy like this?

*-*-*-*-*

The thoughts still swirled in Jounouchi’s head as he was on his way to Anzu’s.

What even were they? Him and Kaiba? Boyfriends? Fuck-buddies? Friends with benefits? They weren’t soulmates, but just like Kaiba said: that didn’t mean anything to him. But what did he mean to Kaiba?

What did Jounouchi want out of this connection? And would he even get to keep it? Kaiba talked at length of not wanting a soulmate, but Jounouchi couldn’t be fooled anymore. He had seen the dejected look in Kaiba’s eyes as he realized that neither Yuugi nor Atem could be his soulmate. He had held Kaiba the night a little hope had died. So, what if Kaiba actually meets his soulmate eventually? Will he break off any contact with Jounouchi? It would be the most likely outcome…

He nearly faltered in his steps as the thought came crashing in: was he just a stopover until Kaiba found someone he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with? Was his connection to Jounouchi just a matter of convenience? Familiar enough to let into his bed, but not enough to let into his heart?

Is that what he wanted?

His thoughts came to an abrupt halt as he stopped in front of Anzu’s apartment. Ken and Anzu had moved in together pretty soon after meeting. Jounouchi would have said too soon, but he couldn’t deny how the two together just…worked.

Anzu had invited him over dinner. Just him. He wondered why. Maybe, because he hadn’t talked to her much since the soulmate party and especially since Atem was back. It wasn’t like Jounouchi was avoiding her. He just had a lot to do. Work, dueling, Kaiba. Too much on his mind. But he had accepted her invitation because he didn’t avoid her. He didn’t want to. He liked Anzu. She was his friend. And one bad meeting wouldn’t bring their friendship down.

The dinner was actually rather pleasant. The dish was some type of French-Japanese fusion kitchen Ken was experimenting with. He apparently loved to explore different cultures, to gain new perspectives. His work at the airport brought him into contact with a wide variety of different people from all over the world. Funny, that he ended up with Anzu, who was just as Japanese as he was.

Over the course of the evening, Jounouchi got to reevaluate his opinion of the guy. Yes, he had been slightly invasive and had said some rude things at the party. But Jounouchi quickly realized that he was mostly just really curious and had only a tentative grasp on etiquette. Since Jounouchi wasn’t known as the politest person either, he could forgive Ken his transgressions as he saw that he had a good heart. Obnoxious, but kind. There were worse people out there.

And Jounouchi noticed how Anzu glowed up around Ken. He smiled at his friend’s happiness. Which didn’t go unnoticed.

“What?”, she asked, still smiling back.

Jounouchi shrugged, then leaned on the table and threw her his broadest grin. “I guess I’m just happy you two found each other. It seems to work out well for both of you.”

She smiled back, then frowned and Jounouchi could see the hesitation on her face. Oh no. He knew what she was going to ask. Or at least what topic she wanted to broach. Again. He wasn’t up for defending himself again.

But he was surprised at how tentative her voice sounded as she asked: “Jounouchi, what did you mean, that you don’t have a soulmate?”

Entirely disarmed by her gentleness, he could only show her the way he did Yuugi. He untucked his shirt and lifted the fabric until they could see his scarred, but unmarked stomach.

Anzu’s hands flew to her mouth as she gasped out loud: “Oh, Jounouchi! I’m so sorry!”

Jounouchi lowered the fabric back down and stared at the table’s surface, not able to meet their eyes. They were quiet for a while.

“Has it always been like that?”, Ken broke the silence.

Jounouchi shook his head: “No. Uhm…I’m not sure how much you know about Battle City, but…something happened and my soul mark disappeared.”

“So, you had one before and only the mark is gone. Doesn’t mean you don’t have a soulmate!”, Ken argued.

Jounouchi knew that that was only logical, but that’s not what it felt like. He was sure of it. “I know, but I just know, you know? Argh!” He ran a jittery hand through his hair. “I just know that I don’t have a soulmate, okay? It’s impossible.”

Anzu wouldn’t let it rest: “But look what happened with Yuugi and Atem. You would have also called it impossible, but-…”

Jounouchi cut her off: “Please. Don’t give me false hope. I’ll be okay. I was okay before and I will be okay if I let all this soulmate stuff go, okay?”

Anzu nodded, even if she was hesitant. And Jounouchi knew that she would respect his wishes from now on.

Silence took over the dinner table and Ken started cleaning up, being in and out the dining room area.

Jounouchi fiddled with the napkin – of course Anzu had special napkins for guests! – as he mulled over the thoughts that had accompanied him the entire day.

“Actually”, he started and Anzu looked up, giving him her full attention. “I have to ask for advice in another matter.”

A different perspective might help, he had concluded. But he wasn’t sure whether or not to disclose his relationship – if he was allowed to call it that – with Kaiba yet. So, he tried to keep it as vague as possible.

“What if I was…dating someone”, He saw how Anzu’s eyes lit up, “who also claims to not have a soulmate? Or who at least claims to not care about soulmates? But what if I have the feeling that they might still be secretly holding out for one?”

Anzu immediately asked: “Who?”

Jounouchi concentrated on the napkin in his hands, keeping his hand occupied. “Not the point here. I just…I really like what we have and…maybe I’m scared it will all fall apart if they inevitably find their soulmate? What do I do then?”

Anzu turned thoughtful: “Mhm…and you are absolutely sure that they aren’t your soulmate? You seem to feel really strongly about them.”

Jounouchi blushed: “Yes…there’s no way we’re soulmates. I’d known it if we were. That’s what the marks are for, aren’t they?”

“True…I can see how this is scary.” She hesitated. “It makes you very vulnerable. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt over this relationship.” She looked a little worried. “You have to trust them that they mean it. Did they tell you that they would rather be in a relationship with you than get with their soulmate, if they had one, that is?”

Jounouchi twisted the napkin. That was the problem, wasn’t it? It was difficult to talk to Kaiba when it came to feelings. They hadn’t defined their relationship, even if Jounouchi felt like they were far beyond simple hook-ups now.

“Not in so many word”, he said. “They…he said he thinks it’s statistically impossible for there to be only the one right person.”

Anzu smiled at him, a little too knowingly: “Doesn’t that mean that he considers you close to him, too? Even if you aren’t his soulmate, him saying that there are more possibilities might tell you that he already considers you a partner equal to a soulmate.”

Jounouchi wouldn’t agree. Kaiba had said that as a means to disprove the concept of soulmates as a whole. Nothing he said had ever related to his connection with Jounouchi.

He shrugged helplessly: “I don’t know. I think I’m just scared that he will turn away from me if he ever finds his soulmate. He says he doesn’t want to find them, but I have a hard time believing him.”

“A relationship is built on trust, you know”, Ken chimed in, having apparently heard more of the conversation than Jounouchi had thought. The table was clean now and Ken sat back down. “Soulmates or not: you need to trust each other for it to work. If he says he doesn’t have a soulmate or doesn’t want to find them, you have to trust him for it to work. Just as he has to trust you when you state the same.”

Ken’s look was way to knowing as he met Jounouchi’s eyes, but he didn’t challenge Jounouchi’s claim further.

“And anyway: Who says that your relationship needs to end once he finds his soulmate? Weren’t you the one explaining to us that Ryou’s soulmate is just as valid as anyone else’s? There are so many kinds of relationships – it turns out many more than I had ever thought about! I did some digging on the internet! Turns out that there are a lot more people like Ryou out there! It just doesn’t get talked about all that much, which is a shame, because it just ostracizes people if they don’t have the stereotypical relationship with their soulmate! – by the way: really sorry how I acted on the party, I just really didn’t understand! It was confusing at first, but now I did some reading and I think I get it now! – anyway, sorry for rambling, what I’m saying: maybe they find their soulmate and it’s like a best friend? And it doesn’t touch your romantic relationship – it is a romantic one, right? Sorry, didn’t fully pay attention to that part – you could coexist! Maybe it could even better your relationship!”

Jounouchi smiled: “Thanks man.” He was glad he had given another try to get to know Ken. He wasn’t half bad upon further acquaintance. Maybe he had been a little unfair in his hasty judgement. How could he expect other people to instinctively question something that comes natural to them? Ken had actually done the work and educated himself as he was met with something that challenged his world view. Jounouchi could appreciate that.

And even if Jounouchi didn’t fully agree with Ken – Kaiba was an all or nothing guy, he wouldn’t string unnecessary baggage along, if he ever found his soulmate, that would be his only person (next to Mokuba of course) – he had to admit that Ken wasn’t half bad. He even felt a little cheered by his words. It also echoed Kaiba’s words: I don’t think happiness should be put on the shoulders of one person alone. Didn’t that mean that Kaiba thought so too?

He thought about what Kaiba had said about the soul mark potentially signifying a purpose or an option. He watched Anzu and Ken interact with one another. Would they have been soulmates if the marks didn’t exist? Anzu had always wanted to be a dancer, going abroad for that was a viable option. Her talent could be recognized internationally. But as much as she was strong and supportive, she needed someone who would support her just as much. Having her words be “Can I help you, madam?” was pointing her into the right direction. Ken was that rock in her storm. Now that Jounouchi had gotten to know him better, he could appreciate that more. And for Ken: he seemed to be very solid, but also very flexible and open to new things. His soul mark being a chaotic mess just fit that: he could deal with Anzu’s temper, even love it and be always open for new things, even if it might take him a while. His soul mark was a little riddle, but he had the patience to work it out. Huh, Jounouchi thought, maybe Kaiba’s right. Maybe there isn’t one person, but a specific type of person.

He wondered what kind of purpose his soul mark had wanted to tell him. That he would always only be standing in the way? Maybe he should be glad that the Egyptian god had taken care of that. He had stood in the way of a beam of lightning after all. Jounouchi snorted. Yeah, maybe his purpose all along had been to really piss off a god. That was just his luck.

But his luck had also brought him some amazing friends.

As he departed from Anzu’s home, armed with a back of misshaped matcha melon cookies – another experiment by Ken – and more input to his questions, he felt lighter and heavier simultaneously.

But he also knew what to do now: ask the questions, have the tough talk, even if a conversation about feelings would always be difficult with Kaiba.

*-*-*-*-*

“What are we?”

Kaiba looked up at him as they cleaned their bodies to get ready for bed. Jounouchi had taken some time to build up his courage to broach the subject. Now, with a little post-orgasm relaxation taken hold of him – and hopefully of Kaiba – he asked the question that had been on his mind for weeks.

“What do you mean?”, Kaiba asked back, his voice seemingly nonchalant.

Jounouchi slipped on clean boxershorts. When had he made a habit of storing some clean clothes at Kaiba’s apartment? It just made sense. But now it was a very physical reminder of how often they were meeting. A testament to them falling into a familiar routine. He didn’t linger too much on that thought and tried to focus on his question.

“I just…what are we? I just met up with Anzu and Ken a couple of days ago and I…wanted to talk to her about us and just couldn’t. Because I didn’t know how or if you’d even want me to.”

“Why would you want to talk to her about us?”

There was no anger in Kaiba’s voice, only minor curiosity, which Jounouchi took as a good sign.

“Because she’s my friend and I want to tell her about my life. And you have somehow become a part of my life!”

“Have I ever told you to keep what we’re doing a secret?”

What we’re doing, not what we are, Jounouchi noticed the careful choice of words.

“No, but you also never seemed to be very open about it either.” That wasn’t the point, he knew, but it was easier to argue.

“What is this really about?” Of course, Kaiba was smart enough to catch on. He moved closer to Jounouchi and suddenly this felt way too intimate: them standing in close space, only covered in their underwear. Even though Jounouchi had been naked around Kaiba plenty of times, hell, even though Jounouchi had been inside of Kaiba just minutes ago, this felt different.

He shrugged: “I think I’d just like to know that this isn’t just a short fling for you. That you won’t just kick me to the curb when…you know…I just want to know that what we have matters to you.” He shrugged again.

Kaiba sighed. “You want this to be a real relationship?”

Jounouchi nodded hesitantly.

“I was under the impression that it already is.”

Jounouchi whipped his head up in shock. He was met with Kaiba’s steady, serious gaze. He knew he was gawking, but he couldn’t help it.

Kaiba raised an eyebrow: “We meet up, we dine together, we talk, we go out together, we fuck…how is that not a relationship?”

Jounouchi laughed a nervous laugh: “When you put it like that, yeah. But we have never talked about it before. So, I just…I don’t know, I think I was just worried that this is, like, insignificant to you.”

Kaiba sighed again.: “If you need it to be spelled out: yes, Jounouchi I consider us…companions, maybe? I wouldn’t waste my time with you if I didn’t mean to. I don’t play with things like that.”

Jounouchi looked up at him with a soft smile. That ghastly thing called hope fluttered in his chest. Little butterflies coming to life.

“Since you seem so uncertain of my loyalty: I have a proposition to make.”

Jounouchi tilted his head in confusion: “A proposition?”

“We promise each other to not look for our soulmates. That we don’t hold out for anything else to come along.”

And Jounouchi’s heart swelled. This was better than an “We are boyfriends”. It was a promise. Maybe it wasn’t so hard to talk to Kaiba about feelings after all.

He reached up to kiss Kaiba. “I told you: I don’t have a soulmate. There is nothing ‘coming along’ as you call it. So, yeah, I promise.”

But as soon as he had spoken the words, he remembered Ken’s inquisitive look. How this man, who had only recently entered his life, had already seen through his façade. How Jounouchi wasn’t as opposed to having a soulmate. He just believed not to have one. Still, he meant the words spoken to Kaiba: if they committed to this relationship – he could call it a relationship now, couldn’t he? – then Jounouchi didn’t need to hope for the impossibility of him finding his soulmate. This could be enough.

This was another impossibility becoming possible: Them. Working. Together. It shouldn’t be possible. They were too different. Too alike.

They were both ‘like calls to like’ as well as ‘opposites attract’. They filled in missing pieces in each other.

And as Jounouchi slowly drifted off to sleep that night, his fingers leisurely circling Kaiba’s skin, reveling in the feeling of a warm body under his touch, a completely different thought popped into his head: What if he did indeed have a soulmate he never recognized? Despite everything he used to believe: What if it’s Kaiba?

What if it’s us?

Chapter Text

What if it’s us?

Just one thought replaced by another. Once one uncertainty was resolved, another arose.

After their deal, Jounouchi had felt a brief respite from his worries. It was only a few months later that he came to a shattering realization: he had fallen in love with Kaiba. That was bad. Really bad. It’s one thing to fuck around with him. It’s a wholly different thing, to actually bring love into the game.

But maybe it didn’t have to be a terrible thing? Maybe it was them and they could just be like that, forever. A relationship. Maybe not a romantic one, maybe even not a platonic one. But whatever it was, it could be enough if only he knew it would last.

Jounouchi really didn’t mind staying in Kaiba’s bed forever. It was warm, cozy, safe. He felt secure, buried deep in the sheets, his body entangled with Kaiba’s.

What had started with spite and loneliness, had blossomed into twosome understanding. Jounouchi felt understood. On a deeper level. More than skin-deep, past his obliterated soul mark, right to his core.

But simultaneously, there was the fear: what if Kaiba didn’t feel the same? He considered them companions, was only short of calling them boyfriends. But companions and soulmates weren’t the same, were they? Kaiba could one day just decide that he was tired of Jounouchi and go look for the next best soulmate-less fool. They weren’t bound to another.

But if they were soulmates…

It was a futile what-if. They weren’t, were they? Jounouchi knew Kaiba’s soul mark and…actually wasn’t so sure anymore. What if they were more hints than set in stone occurrences? Like Kaiba had theorized. Wouldn’t him and Kaiba actually fit together? Like calls to like and opposites attract. Both could be true at the same time.

“Maybe it’s us?”

“What?”

He hadn’t meant to speak the works aloud, but now they were out there.

“I just thought: maybe it’s us?”

Jounouchi lowered his cards, looking up at Kaiba. Kaiba didn’t meet his gaze, eyes fixed on his own hand of cards. Jounouchi hadn’t been surprised to learn that Kaiba was intense in every game, no matter how mundane it might be. Annoyed, maybe, but he accepted this as one of Kaiba’s quirks and was just happy to coexist. Not all of their get-togethers ended in sex now. Some just ended like this: both men lounging comfortably on Kaiba’s bed. Basking in each other’s presence. Silent companionship. Or fierce, but amicable competition.

Jounouchi would have never thought it could be like that.

As Kaiba didn’t respond, Jounouchi elaborated through a question as he put down his next card: “What were the first words you ever said to me?”

Kaiba drew a card from the main pile. The furrow between his brow either meant he needed to think about it or that he knew where Jounouchi was going with this and disapproved. Or that he had drawn an unhelpful card.

“Considering the first time we met was in school, it was probably my introduction to class. Probably something unassuming like ‘Nice to meet you’ or such alike.”

Jounouchi nodded. “But that wouldn’t necessarily count, right? Since you addressed no one in particular.” Jounouchi cringed as he also remembered how he had reacted to seeing Kaiba for the first time, calling him a “rich snob” and how he hated “guys like him”. Oh, how things had changed since then!

He mentally backtracked his interactions with Kaiba. And despite his obvious reservations, Kaiba seemed to humor him. “We never really talked in school, did we?”

Kaiba shook his head: “No, not before…”, he trailed off.

“Not before you barged into the game shop and demanded grandpa’s Blue Eyes, yeah.”

It was weird thinking back to those days. They seemed unreal now. Yet he still remembered them so vividly. He had just found his friends, turned his life around and found some self-worth. Not a lot, but more than he ever had before.

“Yeah, that was a weird day, wasn’t it?” He tried to laugh the awkwardness off. “You seemed nice at first, asking “You also play Duel Monsters?” and I really thought we could make a new friend! I immediately invited you to play and become our friend.”

Kaiba chuckled: “You remember that pretty well for it having been so long.” He threw down a green seven card and Jounouchi rejoiced as he picked up the card that got him one step closer to finally getting his continuous line of nine numbered cards. He was still two phases behind Kaiba, but he wasn’t giving up yet.

“Well, you certainly made an impression. Like, the first words you directed at me alone were along the lines of ‘you probably aren’t ready yet’ and after looking at my cards you called me a total beginner…which I was, since I had just picked up the game the very same day. It was still very rude of you.”

Jounouchi thought about it. Were those the exact words? He didn’t remember. He only remembered that they had been pretty rude. Just like his soulmate was supposed to be rude the first time they met. And Jounouchi had asked Kaiba to join in on the Duel Monsters fun. Just like his soul mark spoke of a duel. Was there any possibility that they were soulmates? That this was meant to be?

Kaiba had become quiet. He picked up the red twelve Jounouchi had just placed down (Jounouchi had been sure he collected the yellow cards! Was he just messing with him?), but instead of placing down his next card, he just stared at his hand in contemplation. The game wasn’t that complicated, so what was on his mind?

“What?”, Jounouchi asked. He didn’t want to sound so hopeful. But was Kaiba thinking about this connection, too?

“I just hadn’t been aware that you really had just started with the game then”, Kaiba answered. “Considering how new you were to the game…you actually weren’t bad at Duelist Kingdom, I suppose.” Kaiba blinked and his eyes widened as if he couldn’t believe he said so himself. He quickly placed down a blue nine, which Jounouchi swooped up quickly.

He just grinned at the admission as he spread out his run of nine cards. But he didn’t only smile because he had finally gotten a head start on Kaiba, but because his words touched him immensely. They had reached a level of understanding he had never imagined before! “Ha, are you finally admitting, too, that it was a rigged game when the inventor of a duel disk plays against someone who had never seen it before? You gave me hell for that, but in hindsight it would have needed a gaming genius like Yuugi and Atem to win against you at first try. They nearly did, too, if it weren’t for you cheating!” He placed down the blue eight he had now use for and grumbled in confusion as Kaiba picked that up, too.

“I did what I had to do”, Kaiba grumbled and placed down a green four. “What I thought, I had to do.”

Jounouchi’s smile only broadened. He never said so, but he loved seeing Kaiba admit being wrong. Or at least something similar to that. Not because he liked being an ‘I told you so’-person or anything like this. But because it showed how much Kaiba had grown and changed. The Kaiba of their schooldays wouldn’t have even spared a glance at Jounouchi. And Jounouchi would have more than likely punched instead of kissed him, too. As often as Jounouchi sometimes bemoaned how times had changed, some change could be good. Really good, like their relationship.

“Why are you asking these questions, anyway?”, Kaiba then asked and Jounouchi could tell that he wanted to change the topic, divert from potentially painful memories.

It was almost creepy how he could read Kaiba’s emotion so much better than before. Yes, he was still lost most of the time, unable to really tell what Kaiba thought, but there were glimpses he had been blind to before. And he hoped that the more they would spend time together, the better he would understand the other.

Jounouchi picked a card from the main pile and happily let the yellow three join his line of cards, before placing down a blue eight.

“I just got thinking: what if it’s us and we just didn’t realize?”

Kaiba blinked at him. He picked up the blue eight and spread out his line of seven blue cards. What the hell? Jounouchi gawked. Kaiba gathered the cards for shuffling as he didn’t believe in “finishing the round” since both managed to rise to the next phase and it would have been unnecessary to play until the last card.

Jounouchi fidgeted with his now empty hands.

“I just got to thinking. Are you sure we never met before that? That those really were our first words?”

Kaiba stopped shuffling. The furrow between his brows only deepened. “Does it matter?”, he asked. “Would you break up with me, just because we aren't soulmates?”

“What? No! I lo-...I really like you, okay?!” He pleaded with his eyes for Kaiba to understand: He wanted them to be soulmates so badly! Didn’t Kaiba understand that? Didn’t he feel the same?

Kaiba set aside the deck, but didn’t pass out any cards for the next phase.

Jounouchi only fidgeted harder. “It’s just… Maybe we just didn’t notice or forgot like Honda and Shizuka? It’s a possibility, isn’t it?”

Kaiba pinched the spot between his eyes, clearly annoyed. “Why do you keep bringing this up? I thought you didn’t care about soulmates.” Like me.

Jounouchi knew he was treading into dangerous territory now. “I just thought…wouldn’t it be nice if we were soulmates?”

Kaiba shot him an exasperated look. “Would that make you happy?” The derision in his question let Jounouchi wince.

He nodded anyway. It was just the plain truth.

Kaiba sighed heavily. “What was the first thing I said to you again?”, he asked while turning around and rummaging in his bedside table.

Jounouchi blinked in confusion. “Uhm, probably when you asked ‘Do you also play Duel Monsters?’, I guess?”

Kaiba nodded gravely and turned back around, sharpie in hand.

“What are you…-? Eeeeeek”, Jounouchi shrieked as Kaiba swiftly tackled him flush to the bed and shoved his shirt upward.

With sharp, precise movements, he wrote ‘Do you also play Duel Monsters?’ around Jounouchi’s belly button. The ink bleed into the crevices of Jounouchi’s uneven scars, giving the kanji a gnarly look, like they wanted to take root in Jounouchi’s flesh.

“That’s what you wanted, right? A mark like every other bonkotsu out there.”

Jounouchi starred wide eyed at the lines of ink and then at Kaiba. That’s not what he had meant! Even though the sight caused little butterflies in his stomach, seeing words where he so desperately wished for them to be! But it was only sharpie. It would wash off with his next shower.

As if he could read his thoughts, Kaiba scoffed further: “You can tattoo them, if you want. If that’s all you need to be happy.”

Jounouchi startled at the cruelty in his words. “That’s not how this works!”, he objected.

“Says who?”, Kaiba shot back. “Maybe Ra wiped you clean, made you a blank slate so you had the freedom to choose. Ever thought about that?”

Jounouchi paused, the butterflies died from the ice in Kaiba’s voice. Maybe the sentiment had been nice, but where Kaiba had said “freedom”, Jounouchi’s ears echoed from the “blank slate”. He choked on the memories, on the pain from being struck, on the fear, on the horror of discovering his soul mark gone. Of feeling so alone in a world that had promised everyone a soulmate only to leave him stranded. He felt like the fake ink burned him, reignited the lightning running through his system.

And at this new attack, he just didn’t know how to act differently, so he bit back. They had often debated soulmates, but never with this much emotion involved. The tension between them was palpable. They were both high strung, ready to snap.

As they argued, Jounouchi could see the hurt in Kaiba’s eyes, but also the anger. And Kaiba snapped first. They argued back and forth, deaf to the words of the other. Why wouldn’t Kaiba see that Jounouchi only wanted them to be together? Why would Jounouchi try to force something that wasn’t? But why couldn’t Kaiba see that there was something? That Jounouchi was just looking for his soulmate-…

“I thought we had made a promise! Seems like it was only me committing to this. You are the one still holding out for your soulmate! Well, I’m not up for that, okay? So, leave me the fuck alone!”

Jounouchi froze at the last words. Surely, Kaiba didn’t mean that?

“Didn’t you hear me?”, Kaiba shouted. “Out! Now!”

His voice didn’t leave any space for interpretation. His eyes told Jounouchi that Kaiba wasn’t open to argument anymore. He had closed off. His words were final. Jounouchi scrambled to gather his things, fleeing Kaiba’s apartment. As he ran down the street back to his own cold, lonely flat, he kept his stinging eyes from releasing the tears that pricked at their corners. He’d rather let them join the dead butterflies in his stomach.

*-*-*-*-*

Jounouchi was very tempted to just hole himself up in his flat. Why not give into it and wallow a little in self-pity? Because didn’t this just prove him right? That fate fucking hated him? He was just such a terrible person or something that he didn’t even deserve a soulmate? His fall out with Kaiba was his fault after all, he could see that after some reflection. He had messed it up big time. Because he had wanted them to be soulmates even if they weren’t. He had forced something onto Kaiba that Kaiba had told him multiple times he didn’t want. And with this, he had lost the last soulmate-less person that he could join forces with in a world full of soulmates.

If there had been one person, he really didn’t want to discuss this mess with, it would be Otogi. So, as fate now officially hated him, he ran into him the very instant he left his apartment after a day of indulgent self-loathing.

He tried not to sneer at the other man. Especially as he was accompanied by his girlfriend – and soulmate – Ai. His head rung of Kaiba’s comment – a brainless fangirl to flitter around a self-obsessed wannabe star – and that made it worse. Even if they were broken up now (were they broken up?) Kaiba had marked his presence in Jounouchi’s head.

“Whatcha doing, Otogi?”, he tried to sound casual. No point in giving Otogi any hints of his current disastrous emotional state.

“We’re shopping for a suit”, Ai chimed in, instead.

“There’s this gala thing I want to take Ai to, but she persists to also chose my suit for me.”

Ai rolled her eyes at his feigned chagrin. “Only because you have spontaneous lapses in taste. I’m just here to make sure you don’t choose the wrong suit.”

“Excuse me? I look good in everything!”

“I know. You’re just too goodlooking! But that doesn’t mean you can just wear whatever. Why choose a potato sack when the right suit could accentuate your handsomeness even more? Also, I want the suit to match my dress. I want to look good, too, you know?”

Otogi flicked back one of the strands of hair falling into Ai’s face. “I do know. Though I’d argue you’d still look fantastic in a potato sack. Maybe we should both go in burlap. That would give them something to talk about!”

“I really don’t want my first gala to be in burlap! Maybe we can consider that for a later event?”

Jounouchi chuckled at her serious face: “Good to know you still have a spine!” And a sense of humor.

Ai looked at him curiously, eyes and mind sharp. “Why? Because I met Ryuji at his fan meet?”

Jounouchi shrugged his shoulders and made a sheepish expression. If she put him on the spot like that, he was a little embarrassed for his assumptions. He had just parroted Kaiba’s thoughts, he realized. “I guess, I just thought you’d be all over him or something. It’s good to see you argue and discuss things.”

Now it was Ai’s turn to laugh. “What, did you think all soulmates just act like happily prancing ponies? We’re still human! And individuals with our own interests, likes and dislikes. We just have someone to share all of this with. Even if we disagree sometimes.” The little sideways glance was both savage and full of adoration.

“And we can still do things on our own”, Otogi continued. “I don’t go to all these pop-culture conventions Ai loves so much. They’re not my thing if they don’t involve games. And Ai doesn’t like accompanying me to – what do you call it again?” He turned to her with mirth twinkling in his eyes. “Stuffy old crook meetings?”

“Because those people are sooo boring! Aren’t games supposed to be fun?”

“Yes, but you need money to make them. And those ‘stuffy old crooks’ have the money to invest into my game ideas.”

Ai gave a sniff at that. “You’d think with all the money they have, they’d be happier people.”

Jounouchi laughed at that: “Tell that to Kaiba. All that money can’t buy him a genuine smile. He hates those meetings, too, though, but he goes because even he needs investors. You should hear him complain afterwards, though! He calls them cranky old bastards, miserable scrooges or…I think my favourite was ‘dusty tightasses’. And he hates it if I tell him he is steering right towards being the youngest member of that club.”

“You on good turns with Kaiba now?”, Otogi laughed incredulously.

That wiped the smile out of Jounouchi’s face real quick. He hadn’t even realized how he had rambled on about Kaiba. “No. Not currently.”

“Ah, too bad. I’d have liked to have an easy entry point into our business connection. If I cannot outdo him, maybe I have to go buddy-buddy with him.”

Ai rolled her eyes again. “I know you like to talk big, but Kaiba Corp is really out of your league. You are still an indie game designer. A good one, but not Kaiba Corps good.”

Otogi scoffed at that, but had no real argument against her words.

Jounouchi left the two lovebirds to their bickering. So, soulmates weren’t just engulfed in serene harmony. Good to know. It was nice watching them, actually. They were both equally ridiculous. And actually somewhat supportive of each other. Not just because Ai had been a fan of Otogi’s before, but because they seem to think alike. And while Otogi tended to have a big ego, Ai knew how to bring him down to earth. All of Kaiba’s previous sneers were suddenly called to question. Just like Jounouchi had already found that Anzu and Ken weren’t obnoxious, but eagerly kind. They weren’t stupid for getting with their soulmates. Their connection wasn’t stupid. Maybe Jounouchi hadn’t been completely stupid for wanting a connection like that, too.

*-*-*-*-*

Jounouchi might have found a new hobby. He watched Ryou meticulously paint the small figurine and analyzed each stroke that brought the little monster to perfection. Then he tried to replicate the effect on the little warrior he was holding. He wasn’t quite as delicate with his paint strokes yet, but he absolutely delighted in bringing a character to life. And the manual work soothed him. Having to focus on the little details cleared his otherwise noisy mind. There was no place for ‘what if’s, ‘why’s and ‘fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck’s when his entire brained zeroed in on painting the perfect warrior’s wolf tail. And any kind of distraction his mind would conjure up was easily dismantled by watching Ryou and Hideki be so concentrated. It let him just enjoy the company and the work.

Ryou called it ‘parallel play’ and Jounouchi realized that this was something him and Kaiba used to do frequently. Kaiba would be engulfed in his work emails, while Jounouchi would entertain himself with a manga or his deck. He didn’t know that these peaceful hours of coexisting had an actual term. But he liked it. Especially since Ryou had assured him that he wasn’t imposing on him and Hideki.

“Hideki is never interested in joining the game itself, but if you want to play that warrior character, I’d be glad to have you join our next session”, Ryou said as they placed the figurines down to let the paint dry.

“I’ll think about it”, Jounouchi said. And he meant it. While painting, he had already imagined all the backstory of the sword-wielding warrior. He had selected the colors with care and individualized the design with certain characteristics in mind. He already felt connected to the swordsman. He wondered if Ryou ever felt like that. He knew from conversations with Yuugi, that Ryou had no problem coming up with the most gruesome deaths imaginable to off one of the players. It nearly made him want to snatch his warrior back up and protect him.

“How are things with Kaiba, by the way?”, Ryou asked out of nowhere.

Jounouchi spluttered. “What?!”

Ryou shrugged and gathered the paintbrushes to rinse them out properly.

“I just wondered. You’re usually busy on weekends, so I assumed you spend them with Kaiba. Just not this time. Did something happen?”

Jounouchi only gawked more: “How do you know about me and Kaiba?” Despite his musing about sharing his relationship with his friends, he had never actually gotten himself to do it. And now it was a moot point.

“I thought it was obvious you liked each other”, Ryou stated. “Every time I meet the both of you, I can see it. And he came with you, when Yuugi performed the ritual. You two even left together. That’s probably when I knew for certain.”

Jounouchi still struggled with the thought that his little secret had apparently been open for everyone to see. “What?”

Ryou just gave him a curious but quiet look and Jounouchi started spilling everything.

Ryou was a good listener. He was silent, but affirming. He encouraged Jounouchi whenever he faltered in his speech for embarrassment or other waves of emotion. Hideki had excused himself pretty quickly, obviously sensing that Jounouchi would be more comfortable to talk about his intimate relationship with his year-long friend than with a guy he had only met a handful of times. He was sensible like that. Jounouchi understood why Ryou and him got along so well. They seemed to be so in tune with one another, Jounouchi was in awe.

Every time he met the two, he marveled at the two soulmates. They were friends. Someone else might say “just” friends, but Jounouchi already knew better: though platonic in nature, their relationship ran so much deeper than anyone standing outside of it could ever really understand. Again and again, Ryou and Hideki showed Jounouchi that kinship as soulmates didn’t have to look a certain way. They could take any form. Though Jounouchi envied the levity surrounding the two. They fit together like two puzzle pieces. Different in shape and character, but perfect next to one another. And he got so frustrated with himself: he had spent a life full of accepting that there were things he could never have – money had always been tight, he never had a functional family, his childhood was buried under things he couldn’t have, he had gotten used to it. Why was this the one thing that hurt more than any other?

“I feel like such an idiot”, Jounouchi concluded. “I just…I didn’t want him to leave me and that’s why he left me after all! It’s so stupid!”

Ryou stayed silent a little longer.

“It’s not stupid.”

Jounouchi looked at him.

“I think you’re just looking for stability. Which, no judgment, I can really understand, but maybe you should examine why that is?”

Jou scoffed. He didn’t need to dig deep for that. From his home life, to his gang life and now his work life. When had he ever really known stability? It wasn’t difficult to guess why he craved something solid for once.

But Ryou wasn’t finished: “And once you have fully examined this, maybe it would be wise to also communicate it. You seem to have expressed multiple times that you want yourself and Kaiba to be soulmates. But have you exactly explored why? Why Kaiba?”

Jounouchi blinked. Wasn’t that obvious? Of course it was Kaiba. Who else should it be?

The thought accompanied him still as he said his goodbyes to Ryou and Hideki. Just as he was nearly out the door, Ryou called him back once more:

“Oh, and Jounouchi?”

Jounouchi turned back. “Yeah?”

“Never forget that there are already so many people who would never leave you, okay?”

The pinpricks were bothering his eyes again. But it was okay. He returned Ryou’s smile and waved his good-bye.

*-*-*-*-*

It wasn’t actually as hard as he had always imagined. Once he had told Ryou everything, it was easier to tell others, too. Even if Jounouchi thought that it was kind of sad that it took the break-up of the relationship for him to come clean to his friends.

Though, Anzu was delighted as she drew the connections: “Wait! So, when you talked about this person you were dating that didn’t believe in soulmates, you were talking about Kaiba?”

Jounouchi nodded.

Anzu turned to Ken: “See?! I told you there was something going on with these two! As if Kaiba just offered Jounouchi a ride because they were ‘friendly’ with one another. Kaiba never did that before! I knew there must have been more behind that!”

Ken just threw his hand up in defeat. Seemed like they had really discussed this before.

“Actually”, Jounouchi interjected, “that was kind of before all that. Or, it was the beginning? I think it all started at your soulmate party.”

Anzu grinned. “Consider me the perfect matchmaker”, she declared. “Though I’d argue it started long before that. Before you even noticed yourself.”

Jounouchi looked at her in confusion: “What is that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged. “Just that I had a feeling about the two of you. And that it was right.”

“If you also predicted that we would break up not even a year into the whole thing, then congrats”, Jounouchi sighed.

“Hey now.” She pushed against him playfully. “You wouldn’t be telling me all of this if you weren’t still thinking about him, would you?”

Jounouchi fiddled with his chopsticks. He knew it was bad etiquette, but Anzu was far beyond trying to rectify his habits. And Ken loved having Jounouchi over to test one of his fusion kitchen experiments. Jounouchi had gotten used to getting text messages with new recipe ideas at any time of day. They even planned an evening to experiment together.

He sighed.

And then he tried to explain the problem. He had done a lot of thinking since his talk with Ryou and he had realized that he wasn’t wrong for wanting a soulmate. He wasn’t even wrong for wanting Kaiba to be his soulmate. But he was wrong in letting his insecurities taint his relationship. He was wrong in pushing it onto Kaiba against his will.

“It kind of sounds like our last discussion all over again”, Ken sighed.

“How so?”

“Well, last time you worried that Kaiba would leave you if he found his soulmate. Now, you start hoping that if you are his soulmate, he definitely couldn’t leave you, right?”

“Well, yeah, kinda”, Jounouchi blustered as he was laid open like this. Ken really had a keener eye than he had given him credit for. “But it’s not just that. I really think we could be soulmates. Despite everything.”

“Hadn’t you told us it’s impossible for you to be soulmates?”

That’s what he had thought, yes, but…

“But now things have changed?”

He nodded. “It’s just that it hasn’t changed for Kaiba. He doesn’t want the same things I want. He doesn’t want a soulmate and he threw me out for even suggesting that the two of us could be…he threw me out, because I had betrayed the promise that we would stop looking for our soulmates.”

Anzu seemed to disagree. She tapped her finger against her chin as she took a moment to think everything over. “I think, you two actually want the same thing”, she said finally.

Jounouchi looked skeptical. “What?”

“I think the problem is that you both are actually saying the same thing, but are just horrible at communicating. Kaiba said that he isn’t looking for a soulmate, but that he wants to stay together with you, no matter what happens. Right?”

Jounouchi nodded. They had made a deal. And he had broken it.

“And you say that you – despite what you have said on numerous occasions before – want a soulmate, but now you want specifically Kaiba to be that soulmate, correct?”

Jounouchi nodded again and ignored the little jab at his faulty honesty.

“Here’s what I think: you both recognize each other as soulmates. Not because of your marks, but because you just do. And while Kaiba accepts that choosing you is enough for him, you want outside proof that you have chosen correctly. But in the end, you both chose the same thing: each other.”

The blush crept up his neck unbidden.

“Was I wrong?” Anzu gave him a saccharine smile.

The blush only crept higher. “No”, Jounouchi admitted sheepishly. “But how do I fix this, then?”

“Talk to Kaiba.”

“Because that worked so well last time…”

“Well, really talk to him. Tell him what you told me: that you want to be his soulmate!”

“But he wants nothing to do with soulmates. I get that you think that works out for us then, but it doesn’t!”

He thought about the marker on his stomach and felt sick. That had felt so terrible and he couldn’t even put into proper words, why.

“Also, this isn’t how soulmates work, right? You don’t just choose.”

Anzu made a face of eternal patience. “Says who?”

Ken laughed: “Yeah, man. Weren’t you the one lecturing us about not being close-minded about how soulmates work?”

“I…I guess?”

“Well, since we have the inside-scoop as verifiable soulmates – if something like that even exists – here’s a few insights: a relationship – no matter of what nature – always acquires work. You’ll probably do that work willingly, if you love the other person, but it’s work all the same. You need to work together. You need to communicate. About the big things, like what you expect from a relationship, as well as about the little things, like whose turn it is to take out the trash. Sometimes, relationships are built on compromises. And sometimes”, Ken reached over and squeezed Anzu’s hand. “relationships even require sacrifices.”

Anzu smiled at him. “It wasn’t a sacrifice.”

“You left your entire life in the States behind. Your friends, your school, your opportunities. That’s a giant sacrifice! And I love you for it, but I’d rather not have you do it. I don’t want you to lose something because of me.

“I don’t regret it. Yes, it wasn’t easy, but I have opportunities here, too. Maybe they aren’t as big as in New York, but all my true friends are here! My family. I’m home!”

Jounouchi smiled. Communication, indeed, seemed like an important thing in relationships. Clear communication.

Another snub to Kaiba’s derisive comments back at the party. Anzu and Ken weren’t obnoxious. They were supportive. Of each other and of their friends. Jounouchi was glad to be one of those friends. He hoped, that he could return some of that support eventually.

As he was about to leave, he turned to Anzu: “Hey, thanks, really. If you ever need anything. Or just want to talk. About, you know, everything. I’m here, okay?”

She punched him playfully in the arm: “I know, you goof. That’s what I love you for.”

The smile lasted his whole walk home.

*-*-*-*-*

“So, why have you called me here?”, Jounouchi asked as Shizuka set down a tray with tea and cookies.

Jounouchi was still not all too thrilled about his sister moving in with Honda and playing housewife. She had joked that he would only ever really accept a man that would carry her like a princess and fulfill her every wish. If anyone, really. He was overprotective like that.

But Shizuka, being her brother’s sister, could be equally stubborn and point out that maybe this is what she wanted: after a life that had been dictated by her parents’ relationship and a disease that had made her dependent on others for the majority of her life, she relished in being able to take care of others and create the happy home life like she had always craved.

And all of that she could do with Honda at her side, who supported her and her decisions. Who could lavish all his love on her and appreciate her support in equal measures. Their relationship seemed symbiotic and Jounouchi could hardly argue against it. He would have to get used to not being Shizuka’s main protector, he guessed. And maybe it was nice. To not be the only somewhat good man in her life. To have more support on all sides.

Right now, though, Honda seemed rather nervous. Jounouchi suspected big news. They had invited him to tea. Something was up.

Honda cleared his throat. He fidgeted with the little tea cup Shizuka had handed him. He opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again.

“We wanted to tell you first”, Shizuka interjected as no sound came from her soulmate. Her eyes were sparkling with barely restrained excitement.

Jounouchi felt himself relax. So, it was good news. He smiled at his sister’s giddiness.

Honda took a sip of his tea which must still be scorching, but he didn’t make a face. He cleared his throat and finally said: “Yesterday, I proposed to Shizuka.”

“And I said yes!”, Shizuka chirped, face shining gleefully.

It took a short moment for Jounouchi to understand.

Marriage.

You’d think it was a redundant thing for soulmates to get married. At a more cynical point in life Jounouchi would have claimed that people only held weddings to rub their successful search in other people’s faces. But he had done a lot of soul searching these past days and realized that his cynicism had stemmed from jealousy. Why should two people who loved each other not celebrate it? He himself didn’t have to agree with the concept of matrimony to accept that it could bring joy to the people he loved.

And looking at his sister and Honda he knew they had made the right decision.

They were basically radiating with happiness. Jounouchi nearly bemoaned that he had spent the past weeks so much concerned with his own relationship problems that he had nearly forgotten to take part in their life. Their love was too beautiful to not be shared. Even as a reluctant and overprotective brother, he could admit that.

He noticed that they looked at him expectantly. Oh. They wanted his reaction. How should he react?

“Ah…hehe. Uhm, congratulations! That’s great! I’m happy for you two!”

He meant it, even as his voice sounded slightly subdued. Then he smiled again. This was no place for his constant moping. He wanted to take part in their joy. They wanted to share it with him, so he should just accept it! He could be happy with them.

With a lighter air, he grinned at Honda: “You’re pretty quick to put a ring on it, aren’t you?”

Honda, understanding that this was Jounouchi’s way of giving them his blessings, still flustered at the remark.

“We have been kinda dating for years, you know?”, Shizuka reminded him. “The only thing that has changed within the last year is us realizing that we are soulmates on top of that.”

Honda got his act together and nodded. “Yeah. We only found out that we were soulmates late into the relationship, but, Jounouchi, understand: we loved each other long before that; we were ready to commit to each other without the soul marks, the recognition only came after and while it is comforting: we wouldn’t have needed it.

That’s easy for you to say since you ended up as soulmates anyway, Jounouchi thought but swallowed the thoughts. Again: not the place for his derision. He pushed down the cynical, dark part of himself so that it would finally shut up. Only for the naïve, hopeful part of him to quip up: See? Love can be enough. You don’t need to have the confirmation through soul marks.

He voiced none of it. Shizuka and Honda were barely aware of his entanglement with Kaiba. He hadn’t wanted to come whining their ear off, now that it had ended. Probably ended. Been on hold indefinitely, or something like that.

“That’s actually another reason we want an actual wedding”; Shizuka added, oblivious to Jounouchi’s wandering thoughts. “I know that some people think that marriage is unnecessary between soulmates, but it’s important to us: to enter an active bond. To show that in the end we are the ones choosing.”

Honda laughed in an all so familiar way to cover his nervousness. “Yeah. Like, we haven’t told anyone back at that soulmate meeting, but…we aren’t actually a hundred percent sure about that? I mean, it had been years!”

Shizuka nodded emphatically. “Like, we think that our marks match our first meeting, but we can’t actually verify that anymore, can we?”

“I doubt there is a voice recording or something like that”, Honda joked.

“That would be a huge privacy infringement on the hospital’s part!” Jounouchi bristled, going back into protective brother mode.

Laughing lightly, Shizuka just shook her head. “No, I don’t think we can verify it anymore. We can only trust in our memory. And in ourselves.”

“I-… We had actually thought about that quite a bit these last months. And that’s the decision that made me want to propose: it’s us deciding that we are soulmates. It doesn’t really matter if we can ‘verify’ it. We want to be together, so we just are.”

He looked at Shizuka while saying this and Jounouchi could see the trust and love in her eyes.

“Yes”, she said. “Our wedding is supposed to be symbolic of that. To show that we have not only found our soulmate, but accept them as such.”

“As much as fate, we have chosen each other”, Honda concluded.

It was nearly creepy how in tune they were. Jounouchi looked back and forth between the two. Yes, he was already looking forward to this wedding. His sister would look absolutely beautiful in a wedding dress. And Honda would probably bawl his eyes out as soon as he’d see her. Jounouchi could already picture all of it.

“So, when’s the wedding gonna be then?”, he said, suddenly very eager for it to happen. That earned him two very happy glances from the lucky couple.

“We haven’t actually planned anything yet. We will take our time to make it just the day we want it to be and we won’t let anyone pressure us into anything.” Funny how their mother made it into the conversation without even being named. “But you are obviously the first person on our guest list! And your plus-one, obviously!”

Ah. He faltered slightly. Yes, his plus-one. Jounouchi thought that there was only one person he could think of for that. Would Kaiba even want to go to a wedding? With his resentment of soul bonds, what did he think of marriage and the like? He probably didn’t have a high opinion of that either. Well, Jounouchi thought, his views on soulmates suck and he can shove his opinions on weddings elsewhere if he just wanted to be contrary. If, and it was a big if, Jounouchi could bring himself to try and reconcile with Kaiba, he would obviously ask him to be his plus-one, but if he didn’t want to come? His loss.

Jounouchi noticed how he was already partaking in imaginary arguments with Kaiba in his head. Not even a week apart and the asshole wouldn’t even let him wallow in peace! Invading his mind with all his opinions and mockery! And Jounouchi wouldn’t have it any other way. He should maybe talk to him soon. At least get the real argument over with instead of constantly inventing some new ones. He was roused from his thoughts as Honda addressed him while fiddling with his tea cup again.

“I know we haven’t really decided what kind of wedding we want yet, but I just wanted to ask you anyway: would you like to be my best man?”

Jounouchi looked to Shizuka, his heart in his throat.

She beamed at him. “I would also love you to really participate in the ceremony! You’re my big brother after all!”

He was used to the pins pricking his eyes by now. Not quite trusting his voice just yet, he simply nodded.

The delight in the couple’s faces warmed him more than the cup of tea ever could.

“It would be an honor”, he said and hoped that all the other unspoken words of love and happiness wouldn’t go unheard either.

*-*-*-*-*

Sometimes, dueling felt best without any fancy equipment. (Don’t tell Kaiba though!)

As Jounouchi sat cross-legged on the ground of Yuugi and Atem’s living room, his cards spread on the carpet before him, he was reminded of the countless duels of him and Yuugi during their school years. They would cram in little duel exercises in every break and often dueled in-between bento boxes and lunch trays. Jounouchi wouldn’t call them simpler times – there was a lot of magic shit going on that went way over his head – but he couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgia for it.

Yuugi and Atem were taking turns at dueling Jounouchi. So far, he had lost every single duel against Yuugi and won a single one against Atem. That was about to be expected. He didn’t mind though. He just enjoyed spending time with his friends. Despite Atem having turned down Kaiba’s challenge, he hadn’t actually lost his love for the game. He had just lost some of the intensity that came with dueling for dear life. It seemed like he had found himself in the afterlife and was a lot more chill now. Though, he could still be hella dramatic if he wanted to be.

“Jounouchi-kun”, he started in a voice befitting a king granting an audience, leaning down from his throne to listen to the measly peasant. “Yuugi has told me about what Ra has stolen from you.”

Jounouchi threw his friend a quick look. Yuugi had at least the decency to look sheepish. Though, now that Jounouchi didn’t guard his scars as a shameful secret anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to feel angry about Yuugi breaking his confidence. From his perspective it was probably natural to share everything with his other half.

Jounouchi chose to indulge Atem’s interrogation instead. “I wouldn’t really call it ‘stolen’. More like ‘wiped out’. And it’s cool. I’ve come to terms with it long ago.”

Atem shot him a critical glance. Yuugi also didn’t look like he believed Jounouchi’s casual words.

“Seriously, guys! It’s okay. That was years ago. And they were just words!”

He realized how stupid he sounded as he looked into the twin stares of shock. To them, those mere words marked a bond that had transcended life and death.

“And…I think I found my soulmate anyway. Or at least a person I would like to be my soulmate.”

He searched Yuugi’s eyes especially as he admitted that. He hadn’t forgotten Yuugi’s outburst after their return from Egypt.

If my soulmate isn’t Atem…I don’t want them!

Maybe Yuugi would understand how he felt more than any other of his friends.

“Kaiba”, Atem said deadpan and Yuugi’s eyes widened in shock.

“Huh?”, he looked between Atem and Jounouchi, neither of them denying this conclusion.

“How did you know?”, Jounouchi asked. It shouldn’t have been so surprising to him. It was just like Atem to be this perceptive.

“I just guessed”, Atem grinned. “But apparently I was correct.”

Jounouchi gawked at him: “How the hell did you just guess?!” Had he really been such an open book for all his friends to read? What had been the point of keeping his relationship secret then?

“Well, you did leave with him after our ritual”, Yuugi mused.

Jounouchi raised an eyebrow: “I had thought you both would be too…uhm…busy to notice that.”

That finally got Atem a little flustered. Yuugi turned beet-red.

Atem cleared his throat, regaining his control quickly. “It had been an educated guess. Even before I left, I had recognized a link between you two.”

The confusion must have been evident on Jounouchi’s face, because Atem elaborated:

“You mirror each other. The two of you are as similar as you are different. Take just your signature cards, for example: The Blue Eyes White Dragon and the Red Eyes Black Dragon. Some might say they form a perfect yin and yang.”

Equal parts ‘like calls to like’ and ‘opposites attract’.

Jounouchi couldn’t quite fight the soft smile as he thought of that. If even Atem could see it, maybe there was a chance after all. He should really go and talk to Kaiba, figure all of this out. He had done enough moping around. He made a mistake, he should really own up to it.

Atem watched his reaction carefully and smile back: “I had wanted to ask if I should try to take it up with Ra.” Jounouchi had never thought about this even being an option. “But it seems like that is unnecessary.”

“Actually”, Jounouchi started to reply as a thought struck him. “That’s something I had been thinking about a lot lately. Yuugi, remember what I told you about the vision? The one I had after Ra struck me with lightening?”

Yuugi nodded. “You were in our classroom and we all cheered you on to keep going. You woke up and won the duel against Rishid and you said it was only because of our support.”

“Yes, that one. I just…maybe I’m just grasping at straws here, but in my vision, Kaiba walked out. He challenged me to do better, like he always does! He walked out of the vision and my soul mark disappeared and sometimes…sometimes I think there is a connection there?” He looked at his friends, eyes full of tentative hope.

Atem seemed to grasp his meaning first: “So, you mean that it was symbolic? That Kaiba walked out on you and it severed the soulmate connection?”

That’s not what Jounouchi wanted it to mean, but he nodded anyway. Maybe it was the connection he had been looking for. And even if it had been severed – it had to have existed before then. Maybe it could exist again.

Atem rested his head in his hand, seriously considering this now. “Or it means that you have been given an opportunity. Didn’t that happen right around the time Kaiba declared to make his own fate? That he was not guided by destiny, but only by his own choices? And Ra erased your soul mark so you also have the freedom to choose. And you choose Kaiba. That should be enough, shouldn’t it?”

Jounouchi felt his chest clench in the desperate want of this to be true. That his scars weren’t a punishment, but a gift.

Yuugi still didn’t look fully convinced. “I like the thought, but…Kaiba?!” He looked at Jounouchi as if he could glimpse past his skin, right into his soul. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m happy if you’re happy, but I’m just worried…you two are the only ones in our friend group who haven’t found their soulmates yet. I don’t want you to think that there are no other options. Just tell me you don’t just settle for him because…-“

Something snapped into place in Jounouchi’s mind, before he could even think of arguing.

Jounouchi didn’t settle for Kaiba. He didn’t only go for Kaiba because they were the only ones left without soulmates. They were drawn together from a deeper understanding. Their love for their siblings, the constant need to prove themselves, the walls they had built because they needed the defense from this cold, cruel world. He didn’t like Kaiba, because Kaiba was just as alone as he was. He liked Kaiba because he was Kaiba.

Well, this certainly is my week of revelations, Jounouchi thought.

“Don’t be too harsh, partner”, Atem admonished his soulmate. “I know that Kaiba can be difficult, but he has grown up to. He is very upright now.”

Yuugi made a weird twisty motion with his head as if he was torn between nodding and shaking his head: “It’s hard to imagine Kaiba to be your soulmate after…everything.”

Jounouchi had to laugh at that. “Yeah. That…if you had told me that at sixteen – that Kaiba’s my soulmate I mean – I wouldn’t have believed you.” He didn’t even notice the present tense of his statement – no ‘if’s to be found.

“But now you want it to be that way?”, Atem asked.

Jounouchi shrugged, then nodded hesitantly.

“Who else but a soulmate to look past bygone misdeeds.” Yuugi mused.

That made Jounouchi laugh again.

“Nothing screams soulmate like trapping you in a room with a serial killer.”

“Or humiliating you at Duel Monsters.”

“Or calling you a loser at every opportunity.”

“Or letting you die at a tournament just to see a card’s powers.”

“Okay, okay. I got it”, Jounouchi said to stop Atem and Yuugi’s list of everything Kaiba had ever done to him. “Kaiba and I aren’t necessarily soulmate material.”

Yuugi looked unhappy with that phrasing.

“Don’t say it like that!”, he argued. “I know I said that it’s hard to believe, but honestly, Jounouchi: if it makes you happy to be with Kaiba, then I am happy too!”

Jounouchi nodded, but Yuugi wouldn’t let him get a word in as he rushed into his next statement:

“Do you remember what I told you when you showed me your scars for the first time? I meant what I said: you deserve a soulmate! You deserve someone that makes you happy!”

This was it. The dam broke, the flood gates opened. Yuugi flung himself across the floor to hug his best friend. Jounouchi curled around him, hiding his face on Yuugi’s shoulder as he couldn’t stop the tears that had built up over days if not weeks. The knot in his chest burst and at last, he felt freed. He felt a second pair of arms circle the two of them and leaned into Atem joining their little huddle. He couldn’t put into words how grateful he felt for his friends. Yuugi and Atem and all of them.

It had taken him way too long to finally accept it: he was loved. There was an abundance of love around him. He was so busy hating himself that he couldn’t see clearly anymore. He had known his friends loved him, but sometimes it all went under when his dark thoughts arose.

Kaiba had been right: it was stupid to think that there was only ever one soulmate for every person. Jounouchi had so many people he loved with all his heart. His friends could be just as easily his soulmates as any romantic partner. They were just as important in his life. It just happened that he also found a person to be in love with, body and soul. Call it soulmates, call it fate, or just call it love. He knew what he wanted now.

He had messed up. With all his insecurities and fears that this couldn’t last, he had lost exactly what he feared to lose.

But he could make it right again, couldn’t he?

He knew what he had to do now. With the silent support of his friends’ warm embrace, he felt ready to win back what he had thought lost.

Chapter Text

Jounouchi watched the children running around screaming. He smiled at their youthful carelessness, rolling around in the sandbox of the playground. In his attempt to draw out his walk to Kaiba’s apartment, he had stumbled across the place in which he himself had often played as a kid. He laughed at the memories. Back then, he had been full of high ideals and dreams nurtured by his mom’s love for soap operas and historical dramas. He was the knight fighting for love. A gentleman ready to duel for his pride. Back then, if he had been pushed into the sand, he had just stood up again, dusted himself off and got back into fighting stance, ready to take on the world.

After growing up way to fast, he couldn’t bring himself to believe in happy ends anymore. He tried to imagine himself in the role of his favourite character: the rescuing hero, fighting for love. Now he knew that he wasn’t the dashing hero in anyone’s story. But he could at least rescue himself from further pain. And he always had been and always will be a fighter. Love wasn’t something that just happened to you. It required work, it required fight. And Jounouchi knew how to fight. As a small kid he might have waved a wooden stick around, play-pretending sword duels, getting pushed into the sand. Now, he had a different kind of duel to show he was willing to fight for love. He would get himself out of his hole and towards Kaiba.

Maybe it was time to believe in happy endings again. They didn’t have to be as cheesy as his mom’s soap operas, but it could be his happy outcome.

With a clearer mind (and a lot of good listeners), Jounouchi had gone through his feelings: he really liked Kaiba. Too much to be scared off by any insecurity festering in his heart. Love was always a risk. It wouldn’t be worth much otherwise. Even if you were soul mates, that wasn’t a warranty to never be hurt again, never be left again. There were too many forces at play than one single thing like soul marks.

He had made a decision: he would try one more time. Everything else was up to Kaiba.

As he exited the park and the playground, he ran into a person he hadn’t even taken into the equation.

“Mokuba! Hey! Long time no see!” He didn’t have to feign his excitement upon seeing the younger Kaiba brother. He was a little nervous, because he didn’t know what Kaiba had told Mokuba about their relationship – if anything – but it really had been a while since they had last met and he was curious how Mokuba’s life went about.

Apparently pretty well. He had recently finished his first year of college with flawless scores and was gearing up to both take on a bigger role in Kaiba Corp. and conquer the world. He was currently trying to convince his older brother that an education abroad would be very beneficial to his personal development and for the company. At least one semester abroad, he thought.

“Even though we already live apart now, Nii-sama still struggles with letting me go, I think. He has like empty nest syndrome or something”, Mokuba half-joked. “He has been especially mopey these past few days.”

Jounouchi winced. That was probably his fault. Though it also gave him a little hope. Didn’t this mean that Kaiba was just as affected by their maybe-break-up as he was?

Too late he realized that Mokuba had been studying his expression intently.

A sly smile spread over the little imp’s face. Or, not so little anymore, Jounouchi had to notice. It really had been a long time since he had seen the younger Kaiba. Which was astounding considering how much time he had spent with the older one. That gave him pause: Was that another void he had been made to fill? Mokuba moving out and creating his own life, even wanting to move abroad? Had Jounouchi only ever been the stopgap for the emptiness in Kaiba’s life?

And Mokuba was still watching him. Dammit!

“Soooo”, Mokuba started, “what’s going on between you and my brother?”

Like he was Atlas, just shrugging his shoulders felt like a herculean task. “What has he told you about it?”

“That it’s none of my business.”

“Ouch, harsh.” His shoulders slumped. “Well, the short version: I put my foot in my mouth and really fucked up.”

Mokuba’s eyes sparkled at this: “What did you say to him?”

“That I wondered if we are soulmates.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Last time he called it a ‘stupid pseudo-esoteric call and response game’ and that is one of the nicest things he ever said about the whole thing. He’s angry with me every time I bring up soul marks and such.”

“Yeah, I know. Same with me. He thinks it’s all bullshit.”

“That’s what he says.”

Jounouchi raised his eyebrows in question.

Mokuba sighed: “You’ll have to learn that sometimes my brother says things and believes things even if they don’t match up with what’s going on inside his head – or even worse: his heart. He is…not always open to discussing emotions.”

Jounouchi laughed at that understatement: “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

They walk together, rounding the park, still watching the children. So carefree.

“What do you think about all of this?”, Jounouchi asked and made a grand sweeping gesture. “I mean, soulmates, fate and such.” He knew what Kaiba had told him, but he’d rather hear it from Mokuba himself without the grumpy big brother filter.

“I love it!”, Mokuba said immediately. “I mean, it’s so fascinating, isn’t it? I love hearing stories about how people met their soulmates or why they think fate brought them together. I’m extremely curious what my soulmate will be like. It’s gonna be so much fun! I’m already looking forward to getting to know them! What kind of person will they be? Will we be friends? More than friends? I think it’s just natural. We humans are social creatures and naturally seek connections. Of any kind. And our soul marks are supposed to help us along a little. But I take it as a great exciting riddle game!”

Jounouchi laughed at the childlike giddiness radiating from Mokuba. “Your brother made it sound like you’re obsessed, but you’re just”, he tried to think of the right word, “open-minded.”

Mokuba rolled his eyes. “Nii-sama takes any interaction as too indulging of the concept. I know that there are also downsides to the whole soulmate thing, but honestly? I think he is just afraid. He’s afraid that there will be a person that gets too close to him, because he’s afraid that that will give them power over him. He thinks it’s too big of a risk.”

Love is always a risk. Maybe Kaiba and I are more alike than we thought, Jounouchi mused, Fear is a strange thing, isn’t it?

“I think I ran into the opposite direction”, he admitted. “I was afraid of not being attached. Of being discarded at a whim. And I thought if we were soulmates that would bind us together. Permanently. But now I see how that was wrong. Relationships are never easy, soulmates or not.”

Mokuba nodded sagely. “Wise words.”

“I have a lot of wise friends.” Jounouchi smiled. “And I have to admit, too: I agree with your brother in one thing: we shouldn’t hone in on one person alone. There is so much more to life and relationships. It’s unfair to put your happiness on your soulmate alone.”

Mokuba sighed again: “He says this and then he does not understand me: I am perfectly happy without a soulmate. Just because I’m excited to meet them doesn’t mean I am unhappy until then! I don’t despair over not having found them yet. I am happy. As me, a whole person. And then some day in the future I will find another whole person to share all this happiness with!”

That was a beautiful way to look at it and Jounouchi commiserated his own poor attitude previously. “You might be more mature than your big brother”, he told Mokuba. “More than me anyway.”

Mokuba laughed: ”Well, that’s not that hard, now, is it?”

“Hey now!”; Jounouchi exclaimed in mock-offense.

They both laughed.

“You should go to him”, Mokuba said more earnestly. “I don’t know what your relationship looked like and if it will be any good, but he has been terribly mopey these past days.”

Jounouchi raised his duel disk. “I’m ready.” At least, as much as he could ever be.

*-*-*-*-*

Obviously, Kaiba wasn’t gracious about finding Jounouchi back at his door step.

“What do you want?” Face unmoving, voice ice-cold.

“I-“ Jounouchi caught himself before he spilled all his nervous feelings right then and there. “I want to apologize. And ask if we could talk.”

“What is there to talk about? We had a deal, you broke it. End of discussion.”

“Wait a minute! Just let me explain, please? Technically, I didn’t break the deal!”

A raised eyebrow, a crack in the ice. Yet, he let Jounouchi in, gesturing for him to follow into his home office, where he was apparently tinkering on his duel disk. Again.

“How come you think you haven’t broken our deal?” Kaiba crossed his arms, waiting expectantly.

Jounouchi carefully surveyed the room before turning and looking at Kaiba. He took a deep breath.

“The deal was that we wouldn’t go looking for our soulmates.”

A nod.

“And I didn’t. I didn’t go looking. I stayed with you. Because of the deal and because I wanted to, but-…”

“But what?!” Jounouchi shrunk at the harsh tone. But he knew Kaiba well enough to detect the hurt under all the layers of anger.

He decided to lay his feelings bare. Show Kaiba all the vulnerable parts, show him that he trusted him even if he himself had lost the trust of the other man. Love is a risk, but a risk he was willing to take. He had had a week to think about what to say, find the right words to express everything.

“But then I fell in love. I wasn’t looking for my soulmate, but I believed that I had found him. That I had found you. And I want to apologize that I didn’t just leave it at that. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I did. I’m sorry. It was stupid to look for…for proof and validation.”

“You were insecure in our relationship.” When Kaiba said it, it sounded so clinical. Like an outside observation.

“Yes. No! No, I was...” Jounouchi scrambled for words. All his well laid-out thoughts went out the window as he stumbled through his turmoiled thoughts. “I…look, I’m not used to…I’ve never had…this is hard for me, okay? I don’t really have any great examples of what a healthy relationship looks like!” Well, at least he hadn’t before. Now, he had more than enough friends to show him how it could work. He had just been too blind to see it before. “What I’m trying to say: this whole relationship thing is hard for me. I’m so used to being left that I was scared that this would happen to us, too. I was so scared and yes, I was insecure. In myself. I’ve never thought someone would care enough to stay around. For me. Because of me.” Shit, he really didn’t want to start crying now. He blinked away any tears and looked at Kaiba. “I thought you’d be someone who understood that. Someone who felt the same.”

Kaiba sighed deeply. “Then you also understand that me even considering a relationship with you was already a big step for me. And you still just proofed my point that people were not to be trusted. This whole thing was doomed from the start.”

“Maybe.”

Kaiba’s eyes darkened.

“But I don’t want to give up. I want you to give me another chance.”

“Why should I?”

“Well, I have thought about that for a while. I want to work for this. I want to make my own hands. You know, it had been you that had shown me that it is possibly.”

“Is that so?” Kaiba uncrossed his arms, intrigue visible on his face.

“Your duel against Ishizu. Even though she had the Millenium necklace and could foresee the future – you still beat her. You beat fate, destiny. You made it your own. You shaped your own future. And when I saw that – despite all the crazy evil magic stuff going on, I thought: Maybe fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, isn’t the end all be all. And maybe I am as slow as people like to think, because it took me so long to really understand this, but now I want to show you that I want to take fate into my own hands, make my own fate, too.”

Kaiba didn’t seem completely convinced “So?”

“So, I thought I’d proof that to you in the way you understand best.” It’s one thing he learned from Yuugi and Atem: games weren’t just about victory. Not even just about fun. They could become a mirror of who you are. When you played, you could uncover your opponent’s soul and would similarly lay yourself bare. He knew that’s how he would reach Kaiba again.

Kaiba seemed to not quite catch his meaning.

Jounouchi raised his duel disk.

“You want us to duel for the fate of our relationship?” Kaiba sounded disbelieving.

“Yes, why not? We always used to duel. We still do. So why not? I say: You win and you can do whatever: kick me to the curb, break up with me, humiliate me publicly, go no-contact forever, it’s your call and I’ll respect that, but if I win-…” He paused.

“If you win, then what?”, Kaiba sounded further intrigued, despite himself.

“If I win you have to give us another chance; we’ll continue our relationship to see where it leads us.”

“I accept the conditions.”

Jounouchi laughed. “You sound so business-like. Let’s just have fun.”

“You wanted to duel with these stakes.”

“It can be both, can it not?”

“Hrmph.”

That was the Kaiba he knew and loved.

Though still terribly nervous, Jounouchi was excited that he had already gotten so far and Kaiba hadn’t thrown him out on sight.

He raised his duel disk in earnest now. “Well, Kaiba: duel me!”

Kaiba gave him a calculating look, then seemed to resign himself to the challenge. He faced Jounouchi, seemed to stare right through him.

“You’re in my way.”

The breath caught in Jounouchi’s throat. “Huh?”

Call and response.

Kaiba impatiently pointed behind Jounouchi. Oh. Yes. His duel disk still sat on the office desk and the deck was placed in a neat stack beside it.

Jounouchi had just actually been standing in the way. There was nothing more to it. And it didn’t matter now, did it? Jounouchi had placed down new requirements for their relationship. Though, it didn’t help his already thundering heart.

“Will you just keep standing there? Or do you actually want to duel in my office?”

Jounouchi blinked. Then he threw an easy smile towards Kaiba. “Point me to your arena, then.”

Despite his airy attitude, he was more nervous than he had ever been before a duel.

*-*-*-*-*

Jounouchi fought with everything he had. It was brutal. He scraped by through last moment defenses, only losing points here and there, but also not doing big damage to Kaiba’s.

It seemed to take hour, so when they were both down to 300 life points, they both were exhausted. Well, Jounouchi was. And he was sure that Kaiba must be, too, even if he didn’t look it.

He had managed to defuse the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon and destroy two of the monsters. His own Red Eyes was standing to confront Kaiba’s last Blue Eyes. Jounouchi looked from the two monsters and his two placed down cards to the pitiful stack in his duel disk. There was a rule tickling in the back of his head. One that he had never seen in action himself before.

“Uhm, Kaiba?”, he interjected before Kaiba could start his next turn. “How many cards are left in you deck?”

Kaiba blinked, checked and then nodded at him, immediately understanding. “Three. Less than the cards in our hands. Which means that this is the last attack. Whoever wins this attack will win the duel. Life points none-withstanding.”

Jounouchi nodded back. “Then hit me with it.”

Kaiba smirked.

There was only the Red Eyes and the Blue Eyes left. And one was clearly stronger than the other. Jounouchi could feel his heart beating in his throat.

“Well then. Blue Eyes, attack his Red Eyes!”

“Not so fast! I still have two cards on the field. And I activate both now: Angel’s Dice and Devil’s Dice. Let’s roll!”

“Seriously? You’re going to gamble now. What happened to making your own fate?”

“This is me making my own fate. These are my cards, out in the open. Now see what we’ve got.”

Jounouchi felt ready to burst from anticipation. Please, please be enough!

Devil’s Dice rolled a three. “That brings down your Blue Eye’s ATK to 2700!”, he commented, his voice strained between excitement, hope and anxiety.

“That’s still more than your knock-off dragon has!”

“But I still have one dice left! And I only need anything from a four upward! That’s a fifty percent chance!”

With baited breath he watched the animated angel throw the die. It hit the ground once, twice and then rolled to a stop, brandishing a clear three dots.

This brought up Red Eye’s ATK to 2700.

Jounouchi didn’t even comprehend what was happening in front of him as the two monsters went into the attack. And then both shattered into a million pieces.

“A draw?!”

No fucking way. They had dueled before. They had fought tooth and nail. They had often cut it close, but a draw?

“What does this mean now?”, Kaiba asked.

If only Jounouchi knew. He just looked at the ground between them, devoid of the holograms that had just been obliterated. “I don’t know. What-…“, he swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “What do you want it to mean? What would you want to happen?”

Kaiba deflected: “What do you want?”

“You”, Jounouchi whispered. Kaiba didn’t seem to understand at first. Jounouchi fought the tremble in his voice. Fearful. Hopeful “Only you.”

He hadn’t even noticed his feet carrying him over the arena field until he stood right in front of Kaiba.

And despite all his hopes, he was still taken off guard as Kaiba flung his arms around him, pulling him in. The deep sigh tickled Jounouchi’s neck. Certainly not the only thing causing goosebumps all over his body.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

Jounouchi buried his face in Kaiba’s shoulder. He pressed his lips together, lest he spill anything and everything on his mind right this second. He didn’t want to destroy this moment. It still felt fragile. As if it could shatter just like their dragons had moments ago.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself to finally talk about his thoughts, jumbled as they may be. But he took Ryou’s advice to heart. And Ken’s, and Anzu’s, and Yuugi’s…all his friends had helped him to finally get himself together and remedy his past fuck-up. Maybe that’s where he could start.

“You know, you were right when you told me that it was impossible for everyone to have only one soulmate.”

Kaiba loosened their embrace to look down at him. But he didn’t let go. The inquisitive look on his face spurred Jounouchi on.

“I didn’t see it, but I have a lot of soulmates. I have amazing friends that understand and support me. A lot of people I can come to when I am struggling and who will come to me so I can help them with their problems. I have a lot of soulmates, but only one I have fallen in love with: you.”

Kaiba stilled around him and Jounouchi shifted nervously. That was as close as he’d ever come to an I love you before. Would he ever get the chance to actually say it?

Jounouchi decided to lay his feelings bare, once and for all: “I didn’t stay with you, because I couldn’t find my soulmate. I found you. I found myself in you. You weren’t just a rest-stop until I went on and found someone else. Yes, I wanted a soulmate. I still think I want a connection like that. But I want you specifically to be my soulmate. And in the end, that’s all that matter to me. So, if you’d still want me, you have me.”

He looked up at Kaiba, eyes hopeful, but the fear still crept into the edges of his vision.

Another sigh ghosted across his face, reminding him that they still stood close. The gently wisp soothed his nerves as it swept across his skin.

Kaiba took a deep breath, before he finally responded: “I also didn’t settle for you. You know I don’t settle if I don’t already consider it the best thing to have. I recognize you as my soulmate. Not because some words on my stomach say so, but because I see you, I understand you and I find understanding in you. If this somehow doesn’t make us soulmate because a simple birthmark says otherwise, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Jounouchi could see how difficult it was for Kaiba to put his feelings into words like this. Which is why it made his heart flutter to see him try so earnestly.

He had been so scared. He knew that now. All his doubts had come from a deep place of fear. Fear of being abandoned again. Fear of Kaiba’s feelings changing eventually. That he will just leave, because he isn’t bound to him. But would Jounouchi want that? Someone simply bound to him? Was that even love? Love took courage and he had been a coward. For once, Kaiba’s rationality and logic had made him more inclined to trust and love than Jounouchi. It was kind of fucked up. Wasn’t Kaiba supposed to be the unemotional and cold one? He had just proved that he was anything but unemotional. He probably just had more practice to keep those emotions under lock-down. But he was slowly letting them out. For Jounouchi.

So, Jounouchi would meet him par for par.

“I was just scared. A coward. I didn’t know what I was doing”, he admitted.

Kaiba chuckled. “Did you think I knew any more than you did? But I know one thing: I want to be with you, even if our soul marks say differently.”

Jounouchi sniffed: “I’m so sorry. I knew you were my soulmate, too, but I got so lost in looking for the proof. Instead of just recognizing our shared feelings, I wanted recognition from fate too and…

“Fuck fate”

Jounouchi chuckled lightly and wiped his eyes: “Yeah, right, fuck fate.”

“Upon further thought, I'd rather fuck you.”

Kaiba threw him a wicked grin that made Jounouchi blush.

Everything past this was a rush. It was all kisses and moans as they moved in a blur. They had stepped from Kaiba’s private arena, placed down their duel disks and the next thing he knew, Jounouchi was sitting on Kaiba’s bed. His naked back collided with the silk covers as Kaiba pushed him back, cornering Jounouchi with his body.

Kaiba hovered over him, equally naked, equally out of breath already. Jounouchi watched him with anticipation. Instead of going for the obvious, Kaiba bent down and placed a soft kiss on the scarring on Jounouchi’s stomach. With just this simple touch, all the dead butterflies in Jounouchi’s belly fluttered to life again, sending pleasant tingles all over his skin.

The soft gasp that escaped him was quickly replaced by a small moan as Kaiba moved lower, placing kisses on his inner thigh, moving up and up until his lips finally touched Jounouchi’s cock.

Butterflies and sparks raced up Jounouchi’s entire body. He arched into the touch and his mouth fell open as Kaiba engulfed his member whole. It was both too fast and not fast enough.

“Kaiba”, he moaned. “Hurry, please. I want you inside me.”

His mouth and fingers working in tandem, Kaiba expertly stretched and prepared him. Jounouchi just let himself fall into the sensation. He knew he could trust Kaiba with this. Kaiba’s long, slim fingers stroked his insides in veneration. Somehow, it felt more intimate than ever before. Being laid open like this in front of his…soulmate. The tingles raising up his spine were fueled by something more than Kaiba’s fingertips tantalizingly gliding over his sweet spot. He was brought so close, just for Kaiba to still before he could reach that end point. Jounouchi groaned in frustration. That bastard loved to tease him. But he was his bastard.

As Kaiba retracted his fingers and mouth, Jounouchi’s insides screamed: No, come back. More! But instead of pleading, he brought Kaiba to a halt as he got into position.

“Wait, can I…?”

Kaiba raised his eyebrows in question.

Instead of imploring any further, Jounouchi hooked his leg around Kaiba’s hips and rolled them around until he straddled Kaiba’s thighs. Looking down into his lover’s eyes, he found curious anticipation and trust. Instinctively he bent down to kiss away any further questions. And just to taste those lips again. Not strawberry, not salt, just Kaiba this time. Jounouchi’s hands glided down Kaiba’s torso until he steadied himself. He reached behind to line himself up. With a slow exhale he sunk down and then just rested there. He reveled in how good every part of him felt as he focused on their connection. He closed his eyes and flexed his inner muscles. Slowly, to take in every single centimeter of Kaiba inside himself.

Kaiba gave a low growl, but gripped Jounouchi’s hips to keep him in place and upright.

Jounouchi’s own hands rested on Kaiba’s stomach, lifting and lowering with each breath. He could feel Kaiba’s presence, his life under his palms and it warmed him to his core to be so close again.

He felt a ripple of muscles as Kaiba strained to keep his hips under control.

“Will you move already?”, Kaiba pleaded through clenched teeth. “Or I will move you.” Maybe less pleading and more threatening.

Jounouchi threw him a crooked smile. “Oh yeah? And how will you…ah!”

Kaiba bucked up his hips, nearly throwing Jounouchi off balance, but inside, he hit all the right places and Jounouchi couldn’t help but move with the wave of pleasure, throwing his head back, not keeping the moans in.

But he wasn’t going to let himself be toyed with tonight. With a gentle press of his hands, he stilled Kaiba’s body.

He took a deep breath, scenting the mingling of their musk and sweat in the air. He rolled his hips in a first, tentative motion and looked down at Kaiba. He poured every ounce of affection into his gaze, into his movements.

They never broke eye contact.

Jounouchi felt Kaiba’s thumbs draw comforting circles into his hips as he found his pace, lifting and lowering himself on his lover. As he felt the pleasure building in his stomach, once again coming so close, Kaiba took a page out of Jounouchi’s book as he rolled to the side, switching their positions again.

Jounouchi didn’t have a moment to feel startled as Kaiba pressed back in. And, shit, he went even deeper, even closer that way, if that was even possible! Jounouchi lifted his legs, beckoning Kaiba to come even closer, to become one. He crossed his ankles behind Kaiba’s back, keeping him in place. And Kaiba followed his plea. Jounouchi cried out as Kaiba mercilessly pounded into him, his cock hitting his sweet spot over and over again. With each snap of Kaiba’s hips, he was catapulted closer to the edge.

Shivering in the throes of his high, Jounouchi tightened his hold on Kaiba’s body and lifted himself even closer. “Fuck”, he whispered, his voice wavering as his orgasm rolled through him. “I love you.”

And Kaiba came right then and there, joining him over the edge.

There was no going back. For either of them.

Kaiba carefully lowered them both back onto the bed. His hands ghosted over Jounouchi’s back in a soothing gesture as he pulled out. As Jounouchi grabbed at him, silently pleading for him to stay close, Kaiba slipped one hand under Jounouchi’s head, fingers stroking the skin underneath as his other hand carefully smoothed back the sweat-soaked strands that had fallen into his eyes. He didn’t say it back, but Jounouchi could read the answer in his eyes and that was enough for him.

Afterwards, they lay together. Two puzzle pieces, so different in shape, but slotting together so perfectly.

Jounouchi sighed his contentment. “Well. Fuck fate indeed.” He laughed, still giddy from the endorphins and everything.

“So, what if we aren’t recognized as soulmates by fate?”, Kaiba asked again. “Who cares? I don’t care about fate. I make my own fate, like you so aptly put it. So, if I chose you, fate has no say in this. You are my soulmate, because I choose you as the person my soul seeks out.”

And this was better than any I love you.

Jounouchi smiled at him, grin radiating sunshine. “I choose you, too. I want to be with you. No matter what fate wanted, I don’t care. I choose you. Fate can go fuck itself.”

If fate had been listening in, it would have probably fallen of its chair by now from laughing too hard.