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Chapter Text

Orientation week at Rosie Baughm University always started on the Monday before classes. Transfer students who came from other Ivory League colleges still had to attend orientation, but they were already familiar with what they would face at RBU. Maya Dovetail fell into this category. Unfortunately, she was running late to transfer week. 5 days late.

She stared up at the unassuming building. This was it - her last chance. Or at least, the last chance she would be giving herself. She had taken 2 planes and 2 buses to be here, and she’d be damned if she turned around now. 

Maya was currently standing outside of RBU’s psychology building - the place where she was to have her initial advising appointment in 5 minutes. She swallowed back her nervousness. RBU was the last Ivory League to offer psychology and counseling with a master track. Maya had been studying this last year at Pinchton University, but they cut the program in May. She had been given the choice to either pick a different major or transfer over to the RBU program. Difference was, they were 3 states apart. 

Boldly, she chose to upend her life and move across the country to attend RBU for her sophomore year. Her decision was a last resort; Pinchton had been a nightmare. The moment Maya had taken her designation test last year, everyone turned on her. Testing as a brat was the equivalent of social suicide at Pinchton. Maya’s last Accountability Partner, Jeremiah, had perpetuated this. It was hard to learn about lifestyle when your designation was frowned upon. 

RBU was different. Had to be. They were the most liberal of the Ivory Leagues and Maya knew for certain that brats were widely accepted on campus. If she couldn’t learn how to be the perfect submissive here, then she wouldn’t be able to learn it anywhere. Long story short, if RBU didn’t work out, Maya would go back to leading a vanilla life. Her stomach clenched at the thought of her mother’s triumphant face if that were to happen. She could not let that happen. Maya bit the bullet and swept inside. 

The first place she stumbled by was the bathroom which she was actually delighted to see because the bus had left her feeling grimy and she was still hauling around her damn suitcase. Using a soggy paper towel to wipe off her day-old makeup, Maya allowed herself to stare into the mirror longer than usual. Her dark hair sat haphazardly around her face, the ends falling just shy of her shoulders. Due to it being August and hotter than hell’s ball sack, her brown-tan skin stood out under the fluorescent lights and her shoulders were still peeling underneath her tank top. She retouched her mascara but didn’t bother with the rest as it was now past the original 5 minutes she’d had to spare and grabbed a building map from a booklet rack mounted in the hallway. 

Eventually, Maya found her way to office 206 and hesitated at the threshold. There were two voices coming from inside and the door was shut, indicating that Maya would likely be intruding a meeting if she knocked now. She silently counted to 15 in her head (her technique for forcing herself to do the things that would give her anxiety) and raised her hand to knock just when the door opened. 

“Oh, hi.” 

A blonde girl with long straight hair cascading down her shoulders stared back at her. She was clad in the charcoal gray RBU uniform. 

“Maya? Come on in,” she said in a cheery tone. She stepped aside and gestured to the desk where Maya assumed her advisor was sitting. 

Stupidly, Maya lowered her hand and walked in with her suitcase, grateful to turn her attention on something else as the girl’s face had been distractingly gorgeous. She had light brown eyes and a slightly crooked nose that seemed to perfect the face around it.

A middle-aged woman who had sat behind the desk now rose and shook Maya’s hand. The woman had intense eyes, but a polite smile and Maya suddenly felt the urge to apologize.

“Um, hi. I’m so sorry about the lateness. I came straight from the bus station, and I needed a bit of a…freshen up,” Maya stumbled around her words. 

“Oh, it’s no problem,” the professor waved a hand. “I know your journey must have been difficult.”

Not really, Maya thought. Leaving home was the easy part. Maya had been scheduled to arrive on campus last Sunday night, but her mother had fallen into one of her episodes the day before and they couldn’t afford for her to be institutionalized again. So, here Maya was - Friday afternoon and $300 in the hole because the airline denied her a refund. Maya just nodded along and made note of the pretty girl who still hadn’t left the room yet. 

She caught the other girl’s eye who winked and sat down on a nearby couch, cross legged. Well. That did something to her stomach. Maya pointedly did not look in the direction of the other girl again and instead chose to focus on her new professor. 

“Dr. Whippet,” Maya said confidently, “I’ve already chosen my course schedule, so I really hope to not take up much more of your time.” 

Dr. Whippet smiled politely. “I see. You’re one of those planners, aren’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Maya was indeed a person who planned everything out to the minute. She had been stuck in executive dysfunction when her mom threw a wrench into her plans, and she wasn’t able to attend orientation. But, since being on campus, Maya started to relax a fraction. School meant routine and Maya loved her damn routine. 

“Well,” Dr. Whippet chuckled, “I’m sorry to burst your bubble but we have more to discuss than just your courses. As your advisor, I’m here to make sure you succeed in getting acclimated to RBU. That means I make sure you’re involved and have a group on campus and, of course, oversee AP matters.”

Maya was ill-prepared to discuss matters relating to AP’s and she berated herself for not being ready to discuss what was probably the most important part about attending an Ivory League - the fact that subs get their asses spanked. 

Maya knew this. Embraced it. Respected it. Even enjoyed it in the right context. But Maya’s mind could not help but wander towards Jeremiah and the complete shitshow their dynamic was last year. 

“Maya-” Dr. Whippet was addressing her, but she cut in, hoping to take the reins of the next topic.

“- Actually, I was hoping to forgo an Accountability Partner this year.”

The room seemed to freeze. The silence that settled over them was uneasy, making Maya fidget. She could tell this definitely wasn’t going to end up the way she wanted. 

“Well, I’m glad you brought that up,” Dr. Whippet said gently. “It is RBU policy that all transfer students participate in our AP system in their first year here. You were automatically paired based on your designation results from the test you took at Pinchton.”

Well fuck . Maya supposed she should’ve read every single line of the school handbook before submitting her transfer form. She had thought that by growing up vanilla and then choosing a lifestyle college, she would have pretty much covered all the culture shocks one can have. But no. Damn the different policies. What else had she missed in her haste to transfer?

Maya side-eyed the other girl in the room out of her peripherals, refusing to look her head on. Dr. Whippet smiled knowingly, and Maya sighed.

“Maya, I’d like you to meet Claire Litman. She’s been assigned as your AP, and she is also one of your dorm mates.”

The girl, Claire, stood up and came over to her, extending a hand. Maya shook it feeling like a complete asshole as she had just said in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want the girl in her life not even a minute ago. Claire, for her part, was coming off unphased by this and still smiling cheerily. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Claire spoke, “I’m really sorry you missed this week, but I will help you around and make sure you’re ready for classes.”

“Thanks,” Maya said weakly. She was still coming to terms with the fact that she would have to build a whole ass new dynamic relationship with a hot girl. Maya looked anywhere but directly into the girl’s eyes as Claire sat down again, this time in the chair next to hers. 

Being so wrapped up in Claire’s closeness, Maya almost missed the information that she would be living with her AP. That was new. She hadn’t considered when she filled out the form for all-women housing that she would be perpetually 6 feet away from the very person who had the power to demolish her ass. She was so screwed. 

“Did you catch that, Maya?”

No, she hadn’t. She snapped back to attention, mortifyingly catching herself still staring at Claire, and turned to Dr. Whippet, shame faced.

“No,” Maya answered, shortly. Wherever this brazen curt-ness was coming from, Maya didn’t know. You just didn’t address professors like that. If they asked a direct question, you responded with an honorific. That was like Ivory League 101. “I mean - ‘No, ma’am,’” she corrected. 

Dr. Whippet shifted and Maya held her breath as she waited for what would come next. She wouldn’t have gotten away with that if she were talking to her old advisor at Pinchton but perhaps her mistake could be blamed on lack of sleep and initial-meeting anxiety. 

If she were being honest with herself, Maya would say that she was bratting just the tiniest fraction to test the waters. She didn’t like that the whole AP situation had been dumped on her without her knowledge and she didn’t like that Claire was sitting in on her meeting like Maya already belonged to her. Maya felt out of her depths and maybe just the littlest bit of bratting was her fucked up way of trying to gain control on the situation. 

“Would you prefer to have this conversation in a less formal setting?”

Maya blinked. “Yes, please.”

She wasn’t expecting that. Dr. Whippet led her back out into the hall and asked Claire to go busy herself with something else. Maya felt a bit of the tightness in her chest alleviate. Then she felt bad for that. It wasn’t Claire’s fault that Maya was feeling anxious. Nevertheless, she did feel better as they made their way to the elevator. 

“Forgive me for the assumption but you seem like someone who would’ve had a hard time paying attention while in my office,” Dr. Whippet mused. 

“Maybe,” Maya said, brow furrowed. “I work better in a classroom setting, I guess.”

Dr. Whippet gave her a long look. “It’s hard coming to new places. I want to help you as best as I can. And I think you’ll really like what’s down here.”

They entered the elevator and Dr. Whippet chose the button for the basement floor. When the doors dinged open, it was yet another twisty, concrete corridor with bad lighting. At the end, a metal double door frame loomed ominously. Dr. Whippet walked up to it and swiped her ID through the card reader, sending a smile behind her back before pushing it open with gusto.  

The inside could not have been more opposite in nature. The room was covered in colorful decorations and had a grid-like layout where each square of the floor contained a new item made specifically for sensory play.

“Oh, wow,” Maya smiled. She caught sight of the tall net structure in the furthest corner that she kind of wanted to climb. Instead, she meandered to one of the nearest stations - a puzzle table. 

“This is our sensory workshop area made specifically for our counseling students to learn in,” Dr. Whippet explained. “The room our clients use is a bit more laid back.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot going on,” Maya said as she began collecting edge pieces and putting them in a pile off to the side. 

Dr. Whippet just observed silently for a few moments before beginning her obviously pre-planned interrogation. “I’m very sorry I did not clarify the AP policy thoroughly in your transfer process. The policy is purposefully different from the ones at other Ivory League colleges, and I should’ve made that very clear.”

Maya stared dumbfounded at her professor. This was, perhaps, the very first time an adult was apologizing to her even though Maya could already be legally considered an adult herself. 

“I-,” Maya started but was cut off by Dr. Whippet holding up a hand. 

“That being said,” She continued, “if you have extenuating circumstances or feel too uncomfortable to participate in the AP system, I can temporarily excuse you from it.”

Maya’s cheeks colored and she looked hard at the puzzle, fingers fidgeting with a corner piece. She considered: on one hand, having to get to know someone (not someone - Claire ) might get in the way of her task of studying lifestyle. But on the other hand, if she didn’t participate in a dynamic, how accurate would her knowledge of lifestyle be? It wouldn’t be like last time. It could not be like last time.

Maya sighed. “It’s my fault for reacting so weird. I should’ve known the policy. I’m not- I don’t have extenuating circumstances. I’m just more worried about balancing a dynamic relationship on top of everything else, I guess.” 

Dr. Whippet gave her somewhat of a sad smile. One that made Maya’s stomach squirm because she was all-too familiar with the concept of being pitied by others. It was bad enough she had been forced to explain her circumstances at home to excuse her absence. 

“Hopefully, your dynamic relationship will bring the balance you are seeking.” 

Maya put a few edge pieces together, mulling over the words. She had been told by her previous therapist that she over-intellectualized her emotions. Maybe what she really needed to do was not think about it. 

“Ok,” she sighed. “I want to give it a try.”

“Great!” Dr. Whippet beamed at her. “I’ll go grab the paperwork.”

“Paperwork?”

***

As it turned out, there was lots of paperwork involved to enter the RBU AP system. Maya groaned when she saw the sheer size of the stack, but Dr. Whippet had dismissed it with a laugh and informed her that most of the paperwork was information about Claire and her designation. Maya felt like that was perhaps an invasion of privacy but apparently, she only had access to their match results, not personal information.

She noticed with a mortified glance that they would need to fill out a list of agreed-upon boundaries as well as agreed-upon rules. She felt her face heat up and she immediately refused to give the papers a second look as Dr. Whippet launched into a discussion about campus clubs. 

There was to be a club fair on the front lawn tomorrow morning and most of the student body would be on campus. Dr. Whippet gave her a particularly pointed look and told Maya that she better attend and take notes. Maya was then given a silly little booklet to collect stamps from the clubs she visited, reminding her strongly of her Girl Scout days.

Somewhere in the conversation, Maya’s stomach stopped turning and she felt more settled than she had in days. She could do this. Even though she was basically redoing a freshman year, Maya certainly felt way more prepared than she had been at Pinchton. She laughed in her head when she remembered that at this time last year, she had never even been spanked before. Dr. Whippet caught the expression on her face.

“What is it?” 

“Oh, nothing,” Maya bit back a smile. Yes, she decided. She was way more prepared. 

A knock at the door halted the conversation. 

“Ah,” Dr. Whippet rose to her feet. “Ms. Litman should be back.”

Maya’s stomach gave a little jolt, but she quelled the feeling with a harsh mental reprimand that she had chosen to go forward with an AP relationship and she wasn’t going back now. 

One stack of papers heavier, and Maya finally left with Claire to venture out onto campus. 

“Where to?” Claire asked in a light tone. “Do you want to drop off your stuff? Or do you need a coffee first?”

As good as a coffee sounded, Maya would need her student ID before she would be able to do anything. “Admin building,” she sighed. 

Claire’s eyebrows rose. “Jumping right in, I guess.” 

“Kind of have to. I’m a grant student,” Maya explained. 

“Oh. Yessy’s on grant too,” Claire said thoughtfully. “She’s one of our roommates.”

That made Maya feel much better. She was nervous about her roommate situation because she had gone potluck, and her freshman year roommate sucked just like everything else at Pinchton. At least someone else she shared close quarters with would understand her financial position on a deeper level. She offered Claire a tentative smile. 

“Do you guys know each other well?”

“Yes,” Claire snorted. “Yessy and I grew up together. She’s been my best friend since kindergarten. Our other roommate is her girlfriend, Leeland.”

Lesbians and another grant student? It sounded almost too good to be true. 

“Oh, nice,” was all Maya said but, on the inside, she was secretly thrilled. 

The admin building was a huge, grand brick structure right smack dab in the middle of campus. It was surprisingly unbusy as the pair ascended to the third floor and talked to the enthusiastic front desk lady. Maya tried to discreetly fix her hair before being ushered over to a backdrop to smile at a camera. 

“Perfect,” the lady at the desk was saying. “Now, your grant applies to anywhere outside of campus as well, but you’ll need to submit a claim for the places that won’t take your student ID.” 

“Ok,” Maya said hurriedly, trying to block Claire from the conversation using her body. It was silly - especially since Claire’s best friend was literally a grant student, but it was something she felt self-conscious about.

Although it was virtually painless, Maya was still exhausted by the time they left the premises. Her dumbass suitcase kept hitting every bump in the road. Claire was definitely giving her side eye. 

“Coffee’s on me,” Claire announced, and they came to a sudden halt in the path in front of a delicious smelling café. 

The stubborn part of Maya’s brain wanted to refuse but she played nice, waiting for Claire to bring her an iced caramel latte. As they sat outside, Maya raised an eyebrow.

“Roasted Asspresso? Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” Claire beamed at her. “You do realize we just came from Ben Dover, don’t you?”

“Jesus,” Maya choked a bit on her latte. “Is everything around here named an innuendo?”

“Even the professors,” Claire nodded solemnly. “Actually, though, the dorms are named after virtues. Gotta love Humility Hall.”

Maya allowed herself to laugh even if she was a bit mortified. Pinchton took things a bit more seriously. This was a whole ‘nother world. 

The conversation suddenly took a turn, leaving Maya floundering like an idiot.

“So, I know you weren’t gung-ho about having an AP,” Claire muttered into her coffee, “but you must’ve changed your mind because, well, you’re having coffee with me.” She chuckled and looked up, signaling Maya to pick up the other end of the conversation. 

Maya was too busy adoring the way Claire’s eyebrows had furrowed and promptly blushed when she realized they had been making silent eye contact for at least 15 seconds. 

“Yeah,” Maya said, not really remembering what the hell she was supposed to be saying. She needed to cool it. Claire had only mentioned their roommates as the lesbian ones - there was still a large possibility Maya could’ve just been making googly eyes at a straight woman. Claire smirked and Maya’s stomach did a little flip.

“Yeah?” She asked with raised eyebrows that said, ‘I can tell you’re gooning right now.’

“Um… oh, yeah. I changed my mind.”

Claire waited her out for an elaboration, but Maya pretended like she didn’t understand the cue and instead turned her attention to chugging the large cup. When she got to the bottom, she stood up and collected her things, looking around aimlessly for a trashcan. Maya felt a little bad at the disappointed look on Claire’s face, but she wasn’t ready to relive her advisor meeting just yet. 

“Well,” Claire matched her stance, “I’m glad you did. I was interested when I read our match results.”

Maya blushed again, feeling both anxious to read the packet and the overwhelming urge to set it on fire. She gave what she hoped was at least a little bit of a confident smile and reached for her suitcase once more. 

“I got it.” Claire’s hand was faster, securing the handle in her grip and wheeling the suitcase along behind them. 

Maya spent the rest of her time trying not to think about Claire’s hands.

Chapter Text

Humility Hall was a 15 minute walk from the center of campus. That’s not so bad, but it was August, and Maya lowkey thought she was gonna die by the time they made it. Her back was dripping sweat and she was most certainly not looking at the strands of hair that stuck to Claire’s neck. 

The first floor was technically the basement as they had to descend a flight of stairs to reach the front desk. Claire didn’t let Maya help as she hoisted the suitcase down with ease. The temperature difference between the miserable outside and the basement of her new home was drastic. Maya’s sweat chilled quickly, making her shiver. 

“Moving in?” a rather severe looking woman sat at the dorm desk. 

“Mrs. Beltier,” Claire spoke for her, “this is Maya Dovetail. She’s the last one in 213. Maya, this is Mrs. Beltier, our dorm mom.” 

“What’s a dorm mom?” Maya asked. She chose to focus on that rather than the obviously very pointed last name. 

Mrs. Beltier pushed her glasses up her nose to give Maya a curious and thorough look over. “You must be new to RBU,” she stated self assuredly. “I’m the building and resident manager. I live here too, just right through that door,” the woman pointed behind the desk to a door with a name plaque on it…and a menacing leather belt hanging from a hook. “I make sure all residents that live here are comfortable and accounted for.” 

So , Maya thought. This is the woman that beats my ass when I break curfew… If I break curfew , her brain corrected. No need to get in trouble over something so stupid. 

“Cool,” Maya deadpanned. She was getting a little grumpy and was just ready to sit down or take a shower. 

Mrs. Beltier took the hint and handed over a set of keys and yet another packet with yet another set of rules on it. There was no elevator in the old building, so Claire hauled the suitcase up a narrow stairwell, still refusing Maya the right to handle her own things. 

Their door was decorated in a Scooby Doo theme. A Shaggy and Scooby cutout were named ‘Yessy’ and ‘Leeland,’ respectively. The Daphne cutout was labeled ‘Claire’ and the last cutout was of Velma, labeled ‘Maya.’

Maya pursed her lips. Ok, maybe she had looked like Mindy Kaling’s Velma in the 7th grade but she had way better hair now. 

“No Fred?” She tried to ask nonchalantly. 

“Fred’s not my type,” Claire said over her shoulder. 

Maya’s stomach did another flip. 

The door opened to reveal a spacious living room that had a couch and two squashy armchairs, and a tv on the far wall playing an old episode of Pretty Little Liars. Maya smiled, already feeling the vibe that one gets from a female-only shared space.

To the left of the room was a door and to her right, a small kitchen that hopefully had pots and pans already because Maya didn’t own a single cooking item. Across from them, where the living room met the kitchen, was a threshold to a hidden hallway.

“You’re in bedroom C,” Claire said, nodding. “It’s right next to mine in that back hallway.”

“Thanks.” Maya offered a halfhearted smile. The day's events were catching up to her and she was beginning to feel exhausted. Keeping her head down, she took back her suitcase and disappeared as quickly as possible. 

An hour later, Maya was unpacked and sweaty. She was perched on the floor of her own private bedroom (thank god), rummaging through her backpack and throwing away old papers from last semester. A knock on the door only gave Maya two seconds to react before a girl barged through the doorway. The girl was squirrelly and had dark hair, blue eyes, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. 

“Hey, I’m Leeland,” the girl said confidently and strode over to Maya’s desk to sit in the chair. “Heard you’re a transfer. How come?”

 Maya stared at her nonplussed. “Um… Pinchton wasn’t for me, I guess.”

“My brother goes to Pinchton. He’s a dick,” Leeland stated brusquely. 

“A lot of those around,” Maya nodded. She understood at once from Leeland’s demeanor that this girl was a brat. 

“You find them here too, unfortunately, but RBU is leagues better in my opinion. What’s your Designation?”

Maya knew one way or the other she would have to divulge information about herself to her roommates but she really wasn’t ready yet. Designations had such a stigma at Pinchton no matter what you were, and if you weren’t a walking stereotype, you would eventually be conditioned to be one. She hesitated before deciding to drop the end part of her official Designation. 

“I’m S-Masochist. You?” 

“S-Brat,” Leeland said with a mischievous grin. Maya’s reading on people never failed her. “With authoritative tendencies,” Leeland smirked. “Means I like to pretend I’m in charge.”

Maya thought maybe that was more information than she needed. “Is… that an official Designation?”

“Yes,” Leeland furrowed her brow. “The RBU Designation test is extremely in-depth. Have you not taken it?”

“I took it at Pinchton,” Maya admitted, her mouth going dry at the thought of taking it again. The Designation test she had taken was relentlessly personal and embarrassing. 

“Hm,” Leeland frowned, “Well, maybe you’re missing out on some things, ya know?” 

You have no idea, Maya mused. Her brat was so suppressed she sometimes wondered if she had done irreversible damage to herself by staying at Pinchton the entirety of her freshman year. 

“Mm,” Maya hummed noncommittally while busying herself with her backpack once more. 

“So, what rules did you and Claire decide on?” Leeland continued, getting cockier by the second.

Maya gawked at her. There was no way this girl she had just met 1 minute ago was asking her such a personal question. Leeland threw her head back and cackled.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Leeland laughed. “You’re exactly Claire’s type.” 

Against her will, Maya blushed. Secretly, she was gratified to hear that her initial attraction was reciprocated, but the logical part of her brain was complaining loudly. Something about not being able to study correct lifestyle dynamics if her emotions got ahead of her. 

“So,” Maya tried to act indifferent, “you guys are pretty close?”

Leeland snorted and stood up. “I would think. She’s beat my ass a few times.”

“You could be referring to any number of people,” a sarcastic voice came from the door.

Maya turned to find her third and final roommate in her doorway. Yessy was tall and dark-skinned; her hair tied in long braids. She gave Leeland a pointed look.

“Who are you talking about?”

“Claire, obviously,” Leeland drawled. “I have to tell Maya all of her secrets to use as leverage. Duh.”

“You do not!” Claire’s shout came from the living room. 

“Oh, I think she’s spanked you more than a few times,” Yessy said dismissively. 

Maya’s stomach clenched. It’s just her luck that she landed in a dorm full of friends. Friends who have no problem taking each other in hand. Yessy turned her attention to Maya’s internal dilemma.

“Hi, I’m Yessy,” she introduces. “I know you’re just getting settled but I wanted to let you know that we’re having a few friends come over soon. No pressure but we’re gonna play games and you’re welcome to join.”

“It’s required that you play Jackbox with us at least once,” Leeland interjects. 

“Oh, um, ok,” Maya responds anxiously. She had the social skills of a worm.

“Nothing is required,” Yessy placated. “Leeland’s just dramatic. You’ll learn that real quick.” 

Leeland offers one last bratty smirk and Yessy an encouraging smile, then they’re gone. Maya stared at the ground feeling overwhelmed again. She did appreciate the ease at which she could hold a conversation with Leeland but the girl rubbed her the wrong way for some reason. Hopefully, she would get over it. 

Reaching into her backpack, Maya grabbed her vape and took a hit while eyeballing the room around her. The walls were depressingly bare, making the space feel uninviting. Her grant covered up to $500 monthly for food and living expenses but she wasn’t sure how much she wanted to waste on silly little decorations for her room. Deciding she’d live without it, Maya grabbed her stack of papers and got comfortable on her new bed. 

She skimmed over the dorm rules but she already knew most of them. She did, however, laugh at the rule of no men in the building past 9pm. Maybe choosing an all girls dorm was the right choice. Maya took another hit, gearing up to read the packet she’d received from Dr. Whippet about her match results. Too embarrassed to look at information about herself, Maya went straight to the end to read the paragraph about why their results had synched. 

‘Pair was chosen based on affinity for flexibility. Submissive results indicated needs to experience both extremes on the spectrum in order to feel fulfilled. Dominant results indicated needs for attention to detail and challenging interactions. Both students meet the required flexibility standards.’ 

Maya felt her face burning. She was confused by what ‘spectrum’ the notes were referring to, and the horrible feeling of being perceived tore at her so violently, she felt like her clothes were being ripped to shreds. She grappled at the comforter on her bed, the need to hide in it stronger than the nicotine coursing through her system.

The sound of her door opening made her recoil so hard, Maya felt her shoulders spasming from the effort. She whipped her head around to come face to face with Leeland. Her roommate had obviously opened the door with the intention to announce something because her mouth was already open but her brain was struggling to catch up. Leeland made a split second decision to enter the room and invade Maya’s bubble.

“Ok, 2 things - No, 3 things,” Leeland started. “One, our friends are here early and I was sent to collect you.”

Maya jolted. She had been so wrapped up in her reading that she hadn’t heard the raucous laughter bellowing from their living room. She made to abandon her bed sheets, but Leeland stuck a hand out and gently pushed her back down.

“Two - you look like you’ve been struck by lightning.”

“Lots of experience with that?” Maya tried to deflect.

“Yes, actually. That’s how my mom died.”

“What? I’m sorry,” Maya said awkwardly, her head spinning.

“That was such a blatant lie and you didn’t even notice. You’re out of it.” Leeland raised her eyebrows, waiting for Maya to talk. 

Maya gathered her wits and glared at the girl in front of her. “I was… distracted by what I was reading. I wasn’t expecting anyone to barge in on me.” 

Leeland just blinked, unabashed. “Well, what are you reading?” Leeland noticed the papers still clutched in Maya’s hands and reached for them. “Ooooo your match results? Does it detail how much of a slutty slut Claire is?”

Someone cleared their throat by the door and both girls froze before Maya could start flopping around like a fish. Claire was standing in the doorway, arms crossed and her face a perfect oxymoron of amused displeasure.

Leeland spun around so fast that Maya blinked and she missed it. She reached a hand behind her and snatched the vape from Maya’s hands, obscuring it from view in her palm. 

“What are you two talking about?” Claire asked knowingly. 

“Boobs,” Leeland panicked. “And butts,” she added after a beat. 

Claire rolled her eyes but shot Maya a concerned look. 

“You know, if you’re too tired to hang out tonight, that’s ok. Don’t let Leeland pressure you.”

“I don’t pressure,” Leeland huffed.

“Um, no, it’s ok,” Maya said, her brain finally catching up to the situation. “I’m here to meet people so I should probably leave my bedroom.”

The joke was feeble and garnered no laughs but Claire did offer a soft smile. 

“Alright. We’re door-dashing Fried Butts so give Leeland your order. Food’s on her.”

“It’s on my dad actually,” Leeland amended. “His fault for giving me a credit card.” 

Claire gave them a lingering look that had Maya straightening her back for some reason and then she left to join another round of laughter. Leeland’s whole demeanor shifted the second Claire disappeared from view and she rounded on Maya. 

“What the fuck?” She hissed. “You can’t vape in here. Beltier believes in group punishment. If a prohibited item is found in an apartment, we all get it. And trust, that means you get it twice at least .” 

Maya sighed. She had planned to just go off campus when she needed a rip but she had overcompensated the past week when dealing with her mom and she needed it close for now.

“I know,” she whined. “I mean - not about the group punishment. That’s just cruel and unusual-”

“-Tell me about it,” Leeland interrupted. “You don’t ever want to make eye contact with your dom while they’re getting spanked for something you did. Scariest shit of my life.” 

An involuntary shiver ran down Maya’s spine. “I’m sorry. I just need it right now. I’ll make sure to only do it off campus in like 2 weeks.” 

Leeland held out her palm and offered the vape back. 

“Your funeral. Not mine. Got it?”

“Ok,” Maya laughed, taking and stowing it in a pillowcase. Leeland just raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

“Doing it off campus isn’t gonna stop the hell you’ll face with Claire if she finds out.” 

“Well, I’ll just tell her now, then,” Maya said confusedly. 

Leeland’s eyes boggled. “What the fuck!”

“What? Should I not?”

“No!” Leeland shouted. “You’ll die!”

“I can’t make my nicotine addiction disappear,” Maya grumped. “I’m sure Claire would understand.”

“Take it from me. Your life will just get ten times harder.” 

Maya frowned at her roommate, unsure of how to feel. If Claire wasn’t cool with some of her habits, then Maya wasn’t sure they’d be a good fit for each other. Her anxiety twisted, thinking back to her first AP and all the uncertainty that came with it. She bit down on her lip. 

“Ok,” Maya said, just barely above a whisper. 

“Ok,” Leeland responded back, relief visible, and turned to leave. “And make sure I close the damn door next time.”

“Wait!” Maya called. “What the hell is Fried Butts?”

***

 As it turned out, Fried Butts was the name of a specialty diner on campus that only sold soda and loaded chips. Maya felt disgustingly full after one helping and watched in amazement as a boy named Ron downed an entire brown takeout bag full of the stuff. 

Earlier, Maya had shyly introduced herself to the friend group of about 8 people and promptly tucked herself away in a corner to observe. Ron was definitely a brat and definitely Leeland’s best friend (birds of a feather and whatnot). His dom was a girl named Katherine who was close to Claire and Yessy. Maya could not remember anyone else’s names for the life of her.

The group played a few rounds of Mario Kart where loser gets spanked (Maya didn’t participate), and they all watched in delight as Ron got smacked (lightly) by the silly decorated frat paddle that hung by the door. He grumpily signed the paddle afterwards. 

As her anxiety eased and she felt more at home, Maya decided to join in on the fun when Leeland started up Jackbox. She chose a game called ‘Quiplash’ which Maya had never heard of. 

“It’s super simple,” Leeland prattled, “just answer the prompts that get sent to your phone and the game will pair you against somebody. We’ll then vote on whichever answer we like best. Like cards against humanity.” 

Maya nodded along and chose her game name which was just ‘maya.’ Everyone else began entering what were obviously inside joke nicknames because a few merited over exaggerated guffaws. Her ears were starting to hurt. 

The first prompt sent to her phone was ‘As Shakespeare once said, “___.”

Maya shot a sideways glance at Claire. The girl was furiously typing something probably hilarious into her phone. She sighed. Her social anxiety was starting to flare back up because nothing was worse than when you try to be funny and it just doesn’t land. She settled for Rickrolling.

‘ I shall ne’er give thee up, nor bring thee down.’

The second prompt was ‘The worst movie to put on during Netflix and Chill.’

Easy. ‘ Human Centipede.’

Maya relaxed just a fraction, finishing with more than enough time to spare. She snuck another glance at her AP and found Claire smirking into her phone which had her heart racing for some reason. She was going to take a long ass shower tonight, she decided. 

“Winner gets to spank loser!” Leeland shouted before the game started announcing the prompts. 

Maya could not lose. She didn’t think getting spanked in front of new people was the best way to overcome her social anxiety. She laughed along with others and voted appropriately but she was more worried about what people would think about her answers. 

Finally, the Shakespeare prompt popped up. And she was going against Claire. The other girl had written, ‘ tis five in the afternoon in some far realm.’

For a second, Maya thought she would definitely lose but apparently this friend group was the type to appreciate a good Rickroll. She gained every single vote, earning a ‘superlash!’ from the game. Claire shot her a playfully dangerous look. 

“No fair!” She whined. “I’m gonna get you for that.”

Maya tried not to blush and definitely did not even breathe in Leeland’s direction. 

“That’s bottom abuse,” Maya bravely countered with all eyes on her.

“You’re gonna think bottom abuse,” Claire smirked.

“No, you are!” Leeland shouted. “Look!”

Everyone snapped their heads back to the TV, the scoreboard updated. Leeland had won. Claire had lost. 

“I get to spank Claireeee,” Leeland sing-songed. 

The rest of the friend group started chanting, “Submit to the Bit! Submit to the Bit!,” which was, apparently, the name of the paddle. 

Maya tried not to choke as Claire stood up and smoothed out her wrinkles before going over to good naturedly bend over the arm of the couch. Leeland, on the other hand, looked like she hit the jackpot and swung the paddle like a mad woman. 

After 6 of the best, Claire stood up and laughed, settling a hand on Leeland’s shoulder.

“Leeland, honey. You can’t spank for shit.” 

That had the entire room in stitches. Leeland pouted as Claire signed the paddle with a John Hancock flourish. Maya definitely had a lady boner and tried to keep cool about what had just happened, but she made the mistake of making eye contact with Yessy who leveled her with a knowing look. 

Maya excused herself to the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and began to take slow sips. Anything to distract herself from what had just happened in the other room. She got 10, maybe 20 seconds, before she was joined by someone else.  

“Doing alright?”

Ron was leaning against the fridge like a frat bro, but with a diet coke in hand instead of a beer, resembling a modest caricature of the typical American Chad. 

“Yeah,” Maya said shortly, refusing to make eye contact. There was no way she was going to let a man hit on her on the first night on campus. 

“I’m Ron by the way.”

“I’m aware.” 

“Sweet. Are you also aware that I’m your transfer mentor?”

Maya looked at him wearily. Having an advisor was just a given, having an AP was an unwelcoming adjustment, but a transfer mentor? There was no way this many people wanted to get to know her, let alone be in charge of her. 

“No,” she sighed. Ron, for his part, took the blow with a lighthearted chuckle. 

“I thought so. Not to worry! All I do is be a familiar face in a new setting. Nothing more, nothing less. Unless you actually need me to do something for you - I totally can.”

“I don’t need anything,” Maya brushed him off. She felt a little bad but not enough to feel guilty.

“Cool, cool,” Ron took a sip of his diet coke. “Well, if you need anything at all, I’ll be at the club fair tomorrow.”

Maya took her own sip, willing herself not to be an asshole to someone who was actually being very nice to her. 

“So, are you involved in a club?”

“Yeah,” Ron brightened. “I’m the treasurer of RBU D&D.”

“Oh, sweet. Like stranger things?” Maya asked. 

Ron blinked. “Ok, that’s so problematic. Your only exposure to D&D is through stranger fucking things?”

“There’s that movie with Chris Pine,” Maya said weakly. 

“No,” Ron held up a hand. “You have to come by the table tomorrow. Swear it.”

Maya’s eyes darted to the living room where her roommates and their friends sat loudly talking to each other. Her eyes caught on Claire who was busy whispering something in Yessy’s ear. 

She didn’t know why but making friends this quickly scared her. Maya had never in her life been able to stay friends with someone for more than a year and all these sudden obligations and relationships were a huge culture shift from her freshman year. She turned back to Ron just in time so Claire wouldn’t catch her staring. 

“I swear,” Maya said with a tight-lipped smile. 

They were disrupted by an enthusiastic Leeland entering the kitchen and slinging an arm around each of their shoulders. 

“Brats,” Leeland announced, “I need to be drunk. Let’s go to Tramps.” 

“Hell, no,” Ron shrugged her off. “I’m not staying out past curfew.”

“It doesn’t have to be past curfew,” Leeland said innocently. 

“Oh, fuck you. Since when have we ever left Tramps before 1 a.m.?” Ron snarked. 

Leeland rolled her eyes and went to convince Maya instead, but Maya had ducked away from the conversation red-faced. She hadn’t told anyone she was a brat. Was it that obvious? 

Maya felt shame at being perceived as a brat and then further felt shame for being ashamed of the designation. She didn’t realize how much unlearning she still had to do from Pinchton’s forced stereotypes. 

Maya bypassed the group and went directly to her room, closing the door behind her. An unfamiliar feeling settled low in her gut and now she had to poop but their dorm only had one bathroom and she wasn’t about to get to know everyone in that way. 

She opted instead for taking another hit from the vape she had shoved into her pillowcase. A soft knock at the door had her jolting upright and launching the vape under the bed. 

Claire pushed the door open a moment later.

“Hey, you ok?”

Maya nodded her head rapidly as if her shaking hands and darting eyes weren’t conveying the exact fucking opposite. 

Claire bit her lip as she stepped inside the room. 

“Thanks for hanging out with us even if you didn’t really want to,” Claire said gently. 

“I wanted to,” Maya dismissed. Then she thought about it. Game night would not have been her first option for her first night on campus. Usually it would’ve been alcohol and bad decisions but RBU was a dry campus and if she wanted to make bad decisions, it sounded like she’d have to make them at Tramps. 

Still, though, it had been okay getting to know people even if they were loud and everyone already knew each other and had inside jokes. Maya’s thoughts must’ve shown on her face because Claire was giving her a ‘really’ look. Maya decided to double down.

“Um, it was… appropriate,” she blustered. 

“Uh huh,” Claire humored her. “Well, I think early bedtime is appropriate. We’ll have to be up at 7:30 for the fair tomorrow. I’ll wake you up.” 

Claire looked around the room, feigning interest in the completely bare walls as Maya processed the fact that she’d just been given an order. 

“Um, yeah. Ok,” Maya stuttered. 

They made eye contact for an extended moment that almost had Maya blushing but then Claire turned back around towards the door to leave. 

“You know,” she said, with a hand on the knob, “it smells like Fruit Loops in here.”

“I love Fruit Loops,” Maya panicked. 

“Ok,” Claire laughed. “I’ll make sure to keep those stocked.”

Maya couldn’t help but stare as the other girl was leaving. Claire turned back towards her one final time.

“Goodnight, Maya,” she said with a soft smile.

“Night,” Maya all-but-whispered back. 

It dawned on her sometime later when the dorm quieted and everyone was finally getting into bed - that was the first time someone had told her goodnight in over 12 years.

Chapter Text

Maya woke up in pain. For a second, she had forgotten where she was, but the distinct smell of dorm filled her nostrils and she actually relaxed. School she could handle. School meant routine and structure. 

Loud clanging of pots and pans had woken her up. Maya pulled her pillow over her face with a groan. Her roommates must be annoying morning people who, for some reason, eat breakfast at 7 in the morning. 

Her door was abruptly whipped open and to no one’s surprise, Maya was blinking up at a bright eyed Leeland. 

“Are you a morning showerer or a night showerer?”

The girl’s voice was way too loud and Maya flipped her off before shoving the pillow back over her face.

“Morning,” she answered, voice raspy with sleep.

“K. I’m making omelets. Want one?”

Maya flipped her off again but hastily shoved her hand down when she heard Claire’s voice. 

“Leeland!”

There was an unmistakable sound of a smack and rustling which Maya hoped meant that Leeland was being wrangled elsewhere. She peeked from underneath her pillow to watch Claire take the place of where the brat had been standing a few seconds ago. Claire was wearing a monochrome, light pink, silk sleep set with her monogrammed initials embroidered on the front pocket - the true picture of a sleepy Southern Belle. Maya bit her lip so she wouldn’t laugh.

“Sorry!” Claire half-whispered, half-yelled. “I told her not to wake you. You have about 15 more minutes, ok?”

Maya offered a thumbs up before rolling over onto her stomach and shoving her face as far as she could into the mattress. She wasn’t a morning person by far, but her early night in kinda helped ease the excruciating pain of waking up. Her joints still felt like they were on fire, and Maya sighed before groping around for her vape to help take the edge off. 

She triple checked that she had been left alone and pushed off the bed to fight with the sticky, clunky school-issued dresser that now housed all of her belongings. 

Between the nicotine and the hot water of a steaming shower, Maya felt calmer than she had in days. She was familiar with her roommates, and so far they seemed to be good people even if Leeland was a menace. Sure, she had been thrown a curveball yesterday with the existence of an AP, but Claire seemed to be very nice; and gorgeous, if that kind of thing mattered. 

After her shower, Maya distinctly ignored looking at herself in the mirror and dressed in some clothes that she was least likely to get sweaty in. She also ignored her roommates who were sitting together at their table eating breakfast, and instead plopped down on the couch, busying herself by finally reading the club fair booklet. 

The school had no less than 70 clubs and there was a stamp to be collected for each one. Maya wrinkled her nose at ‘Scholars for Sex-Positive Education.’ She looked up to find all 3 of her roommates staring at her.

“Do I really have to visit each club or is that more of a suggestion?” She asked. 

“Suggestion,” Leeland mumbled around her omelette. “But you have to go to half at least.”

Both Claire and Yessy shot Leeland a look that had her closing her mouth and swallowing. Claire turned her attention back to Maya with a smile. 

“Most of those are intramurals. So if you’re not into sports, you don’t have to worry about those.” 

Maya nodded. If you counted playing kickball in the middle of the street with the neighborhood kids, then sure, she had done sports. But the last time she had done that, she had been 12 years old and it had ended with a concussion. 

“I’m on the planning committee for intramurals,” Leeland spoke again, this time without food. “I can show you around,” she grinned. 

Maya didn’t have the heart to tell her no and both dommes smiled and nodded like this was a good idea, so 30 minutes later Maya was walking side by side with a buzzing Leeland to the campus front lawn. 

Despite the early hour, it seemed as if everyone on campus was awake and ready to go like it wasn’t the last Saturday of the summer. The lawn was covered in tables and banners and picnic blankets. Maya blinked in surprise at all the bright shining faces. Freshmen loitered around, looking excited with the sparkle still in their eyes.

“Christ,” Maya muttered. “Why is everyone so happy?”

Leeland laughed. “Because orientation week is officially over. You should’ve seen the place on Wednesday. I couldn’t walk two feet without running into someone getting it.” 

Just then, a boy came hurling past them, another boy hot on his heels, looking furious. 

“Damn, spoke too soon.” Leeland shook her head and then smiled. “Coffee? There’s a club for that.” She pointed to a table just outside of the Roasted Asspresso with a line wrapped around the lawn. 

Maya checked her booklet. The ‘Coffee Connoisseur’s Club’ needed a stamp. 

“Might as well,” she agreed. 

Surprisingly, they didn’t have to wait long and they didn’t have to talk to each other either because no less than 7 people came up to Leeland to ask how she was doing and how her summer had been. Leeland responded animatedly to each person with the type of energy that took Maya at least 100 milligrams of caffeine to achieve. Sooner than later, they found themselves at the front of the line chatting with the most obnoxious of people. 

“Hi!” A short, peppy girl greeted them. “Incoming Freshmen?”

Maya opened her mouth to respond but Leeland was quicker. 

“Yep! That’s us,” she lied. 

“Free samples for newcomers! If you’d like to buy a bag, they’re $32!”

Maya’s eyebrows hiked to her hairline but she didn’t comment as they received their free coffee in little 4 ounce cups. The girl wasn’t done talking to them.

“Our first meeting is next Thursday if you’re interested.” She placed a piece of paper that had about 50 signatures on it already in front of them, but neither Leeland nor Maya made to write their names down. The girl didn’t seem too upset. “So, who’s your AP?”

Leeland, who had just finished chugging her little cup, answered first. “Claire Litman.”

Maya narrowed her eyes but tried not to react as the coffee girl looked at her expectantly.

“I… don’t know,” Maya floundered through her excuse. “I just got here.” 

The girl immediately looked suspicious but Leeland began dragging them away from the table as quickly as possible. 

“Thanks!” Leeland shouted behind her. 

“You bitch!” Maya whispered. “Why didn’t you say Yessy’s name?”

“We had like 2 seconds before that girl figured out who I am,” Leeland laughed. “And besides, Yessy isn’t an AP.”

Maya chugged the rest of her shitty sample and chucked it into the nearby bin. Her brain short-circuited as she realized what Leeland had just told her. So, she was rooming with a couple who practiced domestic discipline outside of institutional supervision. This could potentially be a very useful situation to examine life and lifestyle balance - the exact topic of her grant research. 

“So,” Maya ventured casually, “you and Yessy are together?”

Leeland blinked. “Yeah, duh. I thought you were lebanese.”

“I’m Cherokee,” Maya responded, utterly confused. 

“No, you dumbass,” Leeland snipped, “I’m calling you a lesbian. Is your gaydar broken? Yes, we’re together. Surely you should’ve known that.” 

Maya crossed her arms indignantly. Leeland’s mouth moved a mile a minute and she struggled to keep up. 

“Shut the hell up,” Maya snapped. “I am trying to ask if you’re a couple partaking in domestic discipline of your own accord. I know you’re a couple! That was just a conversation starter!”

A comical incredulous look had taken over Leeland’s demeanor. “Why, yes, Miss Bennett, I do doth partake in the intriguing concept of domestic discipline with my betroth-ed.” Leeland did a bow to go along with her horrible accent. 

Maya unraveled her arms, a slow smile coming to her face. Ok, yes. Maybe she had sounded a bit ridiculous. And this time she fully understood the pop culture reference. 

“I love Pride and Prejudice,” she muttered. 

“Sweet Jesus,” Leeland cackled. “You and Claire are a match made in heaven.”

Maya turned away as her face colored. She desperately searched for anything to fling her attention onto. Anything to escape the shit-eating grin now plastered onto Leeland’s impish face. The club fair booklet still clutched tightly in her hand was the best distraction. 

“Aw, Leeland,” she groaned, “we forgot my stamp.”

***

The rest of the morning crawled by, Maya filling her quota of small talk so full that she would be set for the rest of the year. The upside to being Leeland’s shadow was that she allowed herself to shamelessly hide behind the other girl and her loud mouth. Sometimes she wasn’t so lucky though, a stranger making it their solemn oath to speak to Maya directly. Such an experience happened at the ‘Switchsmith’ booth. 

A boy with long braided hair reached over to shake Maya’s hand and ask her if she’d like a personalized paddle. Maya stared at him a little bit scandalized. The boy mistook that for disdain.

“Well, we do other implements if that suits your taste, but the paddles are free today. They’re technically mini charcuterie boards from Amazon. They still work great; we tested it out!”

Maya was ready to pull out a ‘no thank you, can I have a stamp?’, but Leeland (the brat) had overheard and vigorously cut into the conversation with an evil plan. 

“Oooooo yes, please! Maya, you have to get one, they’re so fun!”

“Great!” The boy answered. He reached for one of the mini charcuterie boards and a post-it note. “What would you like it to say?”

Leeland was still on a roll. “Mmm, how about ‘Claire’s Little To-’”

“-Leeland!” Maya was ready to strangle her and the sun must’ve come out because all of a sudden it was very hot. The boy looked between them, amused.

“How about just ‘Claire’s’?” He asked.

“That,” Leeland drawled as she smacked a hand down on Maya’s left buttcheek causing Maya to jump, “is perfect.” 

“Laser or chiseled?”

“Hm. Chiseled,” Leeland decided. 

“Great! You can pick it up at 4 'o'clock at this booth!” 

Maya walked away without further comment. 

“Baby!” Leeland catcalled after her. “You left your booklet!”

Against God’s will, Maya turned around. She did have to close her eyes and count to five, but she was able to make her dignity accompany her back to the Switchsmith table. She thanked the boy for his time and he gave her a stamp in return. 

When they were a safe distance away, Maya rounded on Leeland, backing the girl up against the wall of a nearby building. 

“You are so dead,” Maya growled. “Stop trying to embarrass me, and for the love of god, stop pushing Claire and I into a little relationship box. It’s uncomfortable and we just met each other yesterday.”

Leeland’s eyes had widened when she found herself back to the wall and her mouth dropped open a little when Maya leaned down to threaten her. 

“Wait. Why was that kinda hot?” She whispered. 

“Unbelievable!” Maya threw her hands up and noticeably backed away to add some distance. Leeland succumbed to a round of giggles. 

“What are you gonna do? Tattle?” 

Leeland pointed 3 tables down from where they were standing to a table that had a ‘Costume and Makeup’ poster. Claire was helping man the booth.

“A splendid idea,” Maya snarked, already en route to her AP. 

Claire looked up in delight when she saw her roommates, and her face split into a happy, relaxed smile despite the stormy expression and crossed arms from Maya. 

“Leeland is being a fucking menace,” Maya complained almost immediately the second they reached the table. Claire’s smile just deepened and Maya huffed. 

“Ohh noooo,” Claire cooed sarcastically as she reached out a hand and rubbed it up and down one of Maya’s upper arms. She chuckled then waved a hand in Leeland’s direction. “Lee, go play.”

Leeland stuck her tongue out, but obeyed, and left to go bother someone else. Maya suddenly felt very childish and missed the loudmouth for not having anyone to hide behind. She was quickly searching for an excuse to leave, but Claire sat down and patted the seat next to her, quietly ordering Maya to sit. Maya did so, her cheeks flushing. 

“I’m in charge of face painting today,” Claire explained as she reached for a white binder and handed it to Maya. “Pick your favorite.” 

Maya offered a little smile as she flipped through the binder. “So, Costume and Makeup?”

“That's the formal name. Our group chat is ‘The Backstage Baddies.’”

“I didn’t peg you for a theater kid.” Maya pointed to the RBU mascot in the binder and watched as Claire gathered her paints and water. 

“Mm. I’m more like the makeup girl,” Claire admitted. She dipped her paintbrush into the light pink color and moved in close, taking Maya’s chin into her left hand. 

Maya tried not to react. She cursed herself for being so horny, but the texture of wet paint on her face tampered the feeling instantaneously, allowing her to relax a bit. 

“That makes sense,” Maya responded, remembering the silk set pajamas from that morning. Claire was suddenly giving her a look that Maya had never seen on anyone’s face before. She faltered, “I mean - like you look artistic and makeup is an art.”

“Oh,” Claire blinked, “yeah sure.”

Maya then sat silently, not trusting herself to speak. Claire kept painting, her brow becoming furrowed as she concentrated. When the silence stretched a bit too long, Claire picked the conversation back up.

“Have you found a club you like yet?”

“Um, not really,” Maya confided. “This place kinda has a lot of personality.” 

Claire laughed softly and Maya felt the air from Claire’s nose on her skin. 

“We have room for all personalities,” Claire stated. “Even yours,” she added quietly. “There’s something for everyone.”

Maya tried not to roll her eyes as if Claire didn’t sound like a motivational poster on her elementary classroom wall. 

“Yeah, alright,” she agreed. 

Claire leaned back and twirled her paintbrush. “Your peach is finished but your other cheek looks bare. I have an idea.” She reached out and grabbed Maya’s chin again, turning the girl’s head to the other side. 

Maya tried not to think about the words ‘cheek’ and ‘bare’ being in the same sentence and allowed herself to be commandeered, appreciating the way Claire’s fingers felt against her skin. A minute later, Claire held up a handheld mirror so Maya could inspect her work. The RBU Peach mascot looked hilariously school-spirited on her face, and on the other side, Claire had painted a heart with an arrow shot through it, bearing the initials ‘MD.’

“M.D.? I look like the love doctor.”

Claire shrugged. “What can I say? Those are your initials, doctor.”

“You should’ve put your initials,” Maya said cluelessly. 

“You think so?” Claire challenged, but a soft pink tinge settled over her face.

“Maybe.” Maya shied away from the flirting and stood up. “Thanks for… that.”

Claire snorted. “Yeah. Anytime. My makeup skills are better though, if you want to try it out.”

“Well, I should…,” Maya cleared her throat, “I should go find a club to join, I guess.”

“Yeah, you should,” Claire said approvingly as she stood up. A group of girls approached the table with interest. “I’ll check in with you later.”

Claire turned and greeted the new girls with her trademark pretty smile. A few conflicting feelings waged their war in Maya’s head but she tuned them out, and strode away with her booklet. She felt lighter and even guessed she could handle finding Leeland again. A few moments with Claire had totally reset her mood. 

Maya was going to actually hunt for something she might be interested in when her phone pinged. Her grant research leader was hosting a lunch meeting she had forgotten about. She had no idea where the Liddle & Tini Banquet Hall was located, and now she would have to attend with a peach bearing a red handprint painted on her face. 

“Maya!” Someone called out to her. Leeland was back and had a stuffed bear with her. 

“What’s that?” Maya asked.

“These are called bears. Now, you may have a different view of what a bear is supposed to look like-,” Leeland was cut off.

“-Ok, whatever. Make yourself useful and tell me where to find this banquet hall.” Maya showed the other girl her email. 

Leeland made herself useful. The banquet hall was in some building on the other side of campus (go figure) and by the time they got there, Maya only had a few minutes to spare. She tried to rinse off in the water fountain but Leeland stopped her.

“No, leave it,” Leeland said in regards to the face paint. “It’s super cute.” 

Maya stared at her blankly. “Leave the spanking euphemism painted on my cheek for my serious academic grant meeting?”

“‘Tis a serious ass.”

“Leeland.”

“Maya, you do realize that you attend the spanking euphemism college?” Leeland crossed her arms. “Leave it. Everyone else was just at the club fair too. They’ll love it, I promise.”

Since she was now taking advice from Leeland, Maya left the paint, but she felt very much out of her element and unsure of how to carry herself into the hall. She had only read about the research leader, Professor Bottoms, from his papers and was astounded when she found out she would get to work with him. While RBU was renowned for many qualities, academic research didn’t get a lot of the limelight. It felt like Maya’s little secret that she was chosen to collaborate on the school’s very own prestigious research - Life and Lifestyle Balance. 

Maya was beyond thrilled to be a part of something bigger than her, but she was still shy about sharing details of her life. She hadn’t told anyone else about the study and certainly not anyone from home. She came from a strictly non-dynamic household. She wasn’t about to advertise to her community, “hey guys! I get to go to kink school on a kink grant to learn more about kink and trauma!”

No, Maya didn’t disclose any information about her life to anyone. It made getting to know people very hard. 

She made small talk to the people around her. Most of them were older students, and if she was reading the room correctly, most of them were doms. As someone who didn’t have very much experience, doms still made her feel a tad skittish. Maya was finally starting to relax a bit, talking to the girl named Laura next to her when a very charismatic man came up to them and shook their hands.

“Howdy folks, I’m Professor Bottoms, or Bruce, as most of you know,” he said while bouncing on the heels of his feet. “You can call me Brucey after we’ve had a few together.” He winked and took stock of the students before him, finally landing on Maya. “Or perhaps a refreshing soda instead. How many of you are undergraduates?”

Maya was one of two students who raised their hands. She was suddenly aware of the fact that Leeland had been right about the face paint because it helped hide the blood rush to her face. 

“Outstanding! You should be very proud of yourselves.”

Maya very discreetly lowered herself further into her chair, wanting to expel the attention. She had not clocked that the people around her were graduate students. She felt like a 19 year old infant.

Professor Bottoms launched into a schedule explanation and upcoming deadlines. Maya diligently kept notes, not wanting to miss a thing. She hardly noticed the plate of food being set beneath her on the table until Laura, the girl next to her, tapped her on the arm. 

After the food was eaten and academics discussed, they were rewarded with more small talk so Maya Irish goodbye-d the second she saw the opportunity. Leeland was sitting in an armchair outside, scrolling on her phone. 

“Did you wait for me?” Maya accused. Leeland looked up with a smile. 

“Yeah, duh. How was Brucey?”

“Energetic,” Maya sniffed. “You know him?”

“Professor Bottoms is legend,” Leeland spoke with reverence underlying every syllable. “You’re, like, super lucky to get to work with him.”

Maya bit her lip, unsure of how much information she wanted to divulge. Leeland definitely seemed curious about the grant and she was dating someone who was also on grant so maybe Leeland would be an ok person to share things with. They already shared toilet paper rolls for god's sake. Maya was working up the courage to say something when Leeland cut in again. 

“Well, anyways, I guess it’s back to the fair?”

“God, I hope not.”

“Maya, seriously. You think your 6 stamps are gonna cut it?” Leeland gestured to the fair booklet as Maya glared at the damn thing. 

“Why? Is there penance for not meeting a vague quota?”

“Who the fuck even talks like that? Penance. Your penance is that I’m your keeper and I say we’re going to the intramurals.”

“Cruel and unusual, your honor.”

“You’ll live.”

Leeland looped her arm around Maya’s and strode forward. Maya let her, and used her free hand to grope around in her pocket for her lifeline. She checked her surroundings before taking a hit off the vape. Leeland pursed her lips but didn’t say anything.

Maya smirked, control over the situation gained. She was a quick adapter and while Leeland was full of curveballs, she was easy to read. She nodded at the other girl. You piss me off, I piss you off. It was a mutual understanding. 

Chapter Text

The intramural booths were, admittedly, fun to be around. The fields were across campus so Maya didn’t have to watch some boring game of soccer - instead she got to meet about 20 other versions of Leeland. If you had asked her last night, Maya would’ve said that was the stuff of nightmares, but now, being around other confident, gay women felt like community. It was too bad she wasn’t very athletic. Leeland approached her looking more relaxed than she had all day.

”Anything suit your fancy?” She asked. 

“I don’t know,” Maya responded awkwardly, crossing her arms. “I’m not- I’m not sure when’s the last time I’ve ran.”

Leeland laughed heartily. “Yeah, well, it’s intramural. Not a D1 scholarship.”

”Is there a way to join without having to run around?” 

“Are you sure you’ve looked at everything?” Leeland asked sneakily. “C’mon.”

Leeland led her to the back row of tables that Maya had yet to explore. There were less people on this side but they were just as enthusiastic, showing off their prizes with glee. Their first stop was the ping pong crew where a few kids were seeing how long they could bounce the balls on their paddles. 

“Yo!” Leeland shouted. A scrawny boy turned towards them, his ‘RBU’ labeled ball rolling off down the sidewalk. 

“What’s up, Van Horn?”

”Nothing much,” Leeland responded as she slung an arm around Maya’s shoulders. “My friend wants to join a team but she’s not sure where her skill level is at.” Maya frowned at the description, even if it was true. 

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. Most of us can wield a paddle,” he winked, “but, ah, balls not so much.”

”Yeah, me neither,” Maya deadpanned. 

“Word on that. You wanna play a game?”

Maya agreed.  She was rotten at getting the ball to hit the right spot of the paddle. It kept catching the edge and veering off down the sidewalk. Someone came over with about 6 ‘RBU’ labeled ping pong balls and a scold on their tongue but Leeland told them to beat it. Maya smirked at the protective edge in her voice. 

She called it quits on ping pong but was still hopeful as Leeland led her down the row of unconventional sports. She swung around her freebie ‘RBU’ branded ping pong paddle and whistled. Leeland turned around with a raised eyebrow.

”No offense but you were, like, an emo bitch this morning and now you’re whistling ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’”

Maya halted in her tracks. “I’m…happy?”

”Are you sure?” Leeland snorted. Maya huffed and crossed her arms defensively. “Oh, there’s my sorrowful sunshine.”

”I’m not your anything,” Maya snapped.

”Ok, fine,” Leeland matched her stance. “I’ll just not keep your secrets. Where did Claire go?”

”Leeland,” Maya whined. “Are you sure you’re not a switch?”

”Very,” Leeland responded, unmoved by Maya’s deflection. They were in a standoff until Maya could swallow her pride. 

“I’ve never really had friends before,” Maya eventually said. “I… finally felt like maybe I could when you brought me over here.” She couldn’t bring herself to look into Leeland’s eyes but she at least saw the smile on her lips. 

“That’s good,” Leeland finally answered, “because Ron has to turn in your club list to the transfer office.”

”What?”

”Do you not read your emails? Ron is your transfer mentor and is in charge of getting you involved here at RBU,” Leeland explained. 

“Wait. So, I have to pick out a club?”

”Kind of. It’s easier that way instead of going to bi-weekly check ins with your advisor.”

Maya stared at her roommate in horror. “Why didn’t anyone fucking tell me that?”

“Not to be rude, but you kinda brushed Ron off last night. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna sign you up for D&D anyways.”

Maya clamped her mouth shut, angry at herself. She was terrible at checking her email and she could’ve saved herself the grief of both this knowledge and the knowledge she’d have an AP for the year if she had just kept up with her shit. Her start at school had been weird; one second, she was happy and excited, the next, humiliated and confused. Her emotions must’ve been quite expressive because Leeland was reaching out to comfort her.

”Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to show up to anything. Just put your name down and Ron will lie for you. He’s really good at that.”

Maya rolled her eyes but her features softened. “Ok, sorry. This school is just way more involved than I anticipated.”

”Yeah, I’m sure,” Leeland chuckled. “How about Butts Up?”

”Huh?”

Butts Up was a game. And it was pretty popular. Maya observed on the sidelines as the other students played a game against the science building wall. It was very similar to Wallball, but if the player didn’t catch the ball as it bounced backwards, they’d have to run and touch the wall. If the player didn’t reach the wall in time (before the others threw it again), the loser would have to brace their hands on the wall and stick their butt out. Εach player would then get a turn to throw the ball at the loser’s butt. 

“This seems a bit dangerous,” Maya remarked. 

“It was,” Leeland said teasingly, “in the eighties when my dad was playing. We have safeguards now. No throwing with full force and look,” she pointed, “he’s wearing padded underwear.”

Maya squinted. Every player was, indeed, wearing extra padding on their behind.

“Where do I get some of those?” She tried to ask nonchalantly. Leeland cackled.

“They’re banned from class and don’t even try it at home. Yessy was very mean to me that day.”

Maya winced sympathetically. She couldn’t even imagine what a professor at Pinchton would do if they caught her trying to pull that one. Probably execution. Leeland was watching her.

“You wanna play?”

“No,” Maya shook her head. “I don’t think exposure and Wallball are my go-to hang out sesh. Fun to watch though.”

“Mm, I get it,” Leeland mused. “Mind if I play real quick?”

Maya watched Leeland sneak into the game and stick a nearby piece of cardboard down her pants. She shook her head in the amused kind of way, not the affectionate kind. No, she was certain she was not catching friend-feelings. 

Maya glanced around, watching a group play hacky sack. She needed to find a club, and fast apparently, so she wouldn’t have to join D&D by proxy. She also didn’t want to make Ron or anybody lie for her. 

There was a booth tucked into a corner that seemed like it hadn’t gotten very many visitors. Maya counted to ten and charged forward, alone. Two butches manned the booth. 

“Hi,” she approached shyly. 

One of the butches, who had been twisting their hair with a glassy-eyed expression, sat up straight at the visitor. 

“Hey,” they shouted as they floundered around, looking for something. “I mean, hey,” they said softer, “what’s up? I’m Trish and this is Alex.”

“Maya,” Maya answered, feeling a bit more confident. 

“Maya,” Trish repeated, “are you interested in low stakes competition and gay bars?”

“Hell yeah.”

Trish whipped out a flyer. “Two words. Skee ball.”

Maya stared down at the paper. She had only been to an arcade once when she was 10 and the entire 5th grade class had been invited to one boy’s birthday party. She had played the game a few times and enjoyed herself. It was like bowling but smaller and with extra steps. Maya smiled.

“Where do I sign up?”

Trish and Alex were thrilled. There was only one other name on the sign up sheet and they got Maya’s contact information, and gave her a piece of paper with all their meet times and competitions, even though most of them sported a ‘TBD.’ 

Maya felt pretty proud of herself and was running on that high when Leeland body checked her out of nowhere. 

“Hey, been looking for you,” Leeland panted. Maya rubbed her shoulder, disgraced. 

“And why is that?”

“Gotta go get your special paddle!”

Maya huffed and pouted the whole way over to the Switchsmith table where Leeland had earlier humiliated her and insinuated that Maya and Claire were in a relationship. Which they were not. 

Leeland examined the mini charcuterie board up close as the boy got it ready. She kept fidgeting excitedly and pointing for Maya as if the other girl didn’t know exactly what it was. 

“Look!” Leeland shouted, when she finally got her hands on it and could walk away.

The mini charcuterie board now wielded the finely chiseled name, ‘Claire’s,’ underneath a clear finish to ensure no splintering. Maya blinked.

“I look ready to eat cheese and crackers sponsored by a tween piercing shop.”

Leeland frowned but then shrugged and stuck the paddle in the bag that contained all their freebie goodies from the day. Maya smirked - another point for her. 

***

After a long day, the 4 roommates found themselves eating at a local burger joint, each one exhausted for different reasons. Maya had been ready to decline the offer of dinner but Claire insisted, and she had whipped out a tone of voice that had sent a shiver down Maya’s spine. So, there Maya was, tired from socializing and picking at a burger she wasn’t super hungry for. 

Leeland was bubbly (still) and in her element, describing her entire day in detail to her girlfriend. Yessy, who had been missing from the day’s actions, took in the story with an easy smile, and a brush of Leeland’s hair every now and again. 

Claire kept glancing at Maya out of the corner of her eye. “So, did you find something that you’re interested in?” She asked as the table quieted.

Maya crossed and uncrossed her ankles underneath the table. She suddenly felt very silly for signing up for Skee ball and wondered if the other girls would think she was weird. Maya shook her head and then paused, remembering Leeland’s words, and slowly nodded. Both Claire and Yessy raised their eyebrows. 

Maya avoided their eyes. “Um, D&D,” she answered. 

“Right,” Yessy mused. “Well, I couldn’t find you at lunch today. Where did y’all go?” Yessy asked. 

“North Dining Hall,” Leeland said quickly. “Maya went with me.”

Maya gave Leeland an odd look but the other girl shut her down with a tiny shake of her head. It did not go unnoticed. 

“Hm. So, Maya, what did you eat?” Yessy asked, her suspicions rising. 

Maya sensed the atmosphere at the table had shifted and she tensed up, slipping into ‘fight or flight’ mode. She caught Leeland’s desperate eye again.

“Roast and potatoes,” Maya said carefully. She made sure to leave her statements as vague as possible. “We left before dessert.”

Everyone was staring at her now. Leeland, in approval. Maya heated under the scrutiny. Eventually, Yessy turned her gaze back on her girlfriend. 

“Roast and potatoes in North Dining. Sorry I missed it,” Yessy said lightly. “What did you eat, Leeland?”

“Ice cream,” Leeland panicked. 

“I thought you left before dessert.”

“Ice cream isn’t dessert,” Leeland backtracked. “It’s a different food group.”

Yessy looked between Maya and Leeland, unimpressed. “You have 3 seconds.”

Maya didn’t get it, but Leeland must’ve because she scrambled, both verbally and physically. 

“I didn’t eat lunch! I forgot!” Leeland exclaimed morosely.

Maya watched uncomfortably as Yessy made a motion with her finger and then the two of them were gone, excusing themselves from the scene and out the door to the car. Maya stared at the door to the restaurant, unsure of just how fast dinner had turned into a shitshow. Claire took a long slurp from her milkshake that grated on Maya’s nerves. Maya glared at her across the booth. 

”You know you don’t have to cover for her?” Claire asked, wiping her mouth. “That’ll just get you a sore bottom.”

Maya gaped at her. “I- are they gonna…ya’know?”

”Yep.” 

Maya gave her a look, a little upset at how blunt everyone was being. Leeland was currently getting it all because she had forgotten to do a tiny little thing. Maya’s face betrayed her (like always) and Claire reached over to settle a hand over hers.

”Maya, all due respect, but you know nothing about their dynamic and their rules. Lee was naughty,” Claire said matter-of-factly. “And she tried to get you to lie about it,” she added after a beat.

Maya stared down at Claire’s hand over hers. It was soft and slightly cold from the freezing restaurant. 

“Sorry,” Maya mumbled. 

“It’s ok,” Claire patted her hand. “Hard saying no to that one. Especially when she’s pitiful. 

Speaking of all that, though,” Claire segwayed into a new topic, “our boundary and rule contract is due by midnight tomorrow. You wanna discuss that tonight?”

Maya felt like she would rather do anything else in the world than discuss how and when she’d get spanked, but the contract wasn’t only between them - it was between them and the school. And schools had deadlines. She sighed but nodded and was surprised to see her roommates already walking back into the restaurant. Yessy was back to sporting her easy smile while Leeland looked subdued, her eyes a bit watery, and clutching Yessy’s hand like a child in a new place. She sat down without a wince and ate the entirety of her meal, no longer stopping to talk. Maya definitely was conflicted about her feelings but she did not want to dig herself into a hole, so she kept quiet and listened to the childhood best friends discuss their day, providing nods and hums when the conversation called for it. 

The real awkwardness happened when they returned to the dorm and Yessy requested in no uncertain terms that Claire and Maya get lost. Claire, who had been expecting this, grabbed a massive binder from her room and drug Maya out and up a corridor of stairs. 

Claire led her up to the top most floor of the complex. There was what looked like a sunroom built into the roof of the building with a glass ceiling. Since it was nighttime, Maya got a pretty clear view of the stars and she smiled, taking in the view. 

“This is so nice,” Maya gushed. “My last dorm was basically a concrete hole.” 

Claire looked towards her and cocked her head. “What made you choose Pinchton?”

Maya spared a glance in her direction before turning back towards the ceiling. “I felt compelled to go to an Ivory League college. Pinchton was the closest one to home.”

“Same here,” Claire responded.

“Oh.” Maya stared at the girl in surprise. “How come you chose RBU then?”

“It was the furthest from home,” Claire shrugged.  

“Wish I’d had the sense,” Maya muttered. “I needed to be able to get home for a weekend, though. Just in case.”

“In case what?”

Maya didn’t tell people about her family. It was sensitive to her. Sometimes her mom would suffer psychotic episodes and, being her primary caregiver, Maya would need to go explain to her mom’s employer what was happening and if she could pretty please not get fired. They were doing better recently as her mother managed to secure the same job for 5 years now working in the hospital. Just this past week, however, her mom had to be re-evaluated and caused Maya to miss orientation week. It was hard saying no to her family. Harder than anything else Maya did.

“My family,” Maya admitted with a bitter taste in her mouth. “They, uh, need help more often than not.”

Claire didn’t make her elaborate, which she was grateful for. “But then you came to RBU,” she said thoughtfully. 

Maya looked at her, sizing her up. “Yes. I didn’t feel like I learned dynamics correctly. I want… I don’t know. A second opinion or something.”

“Do you think I can help with that?”

It’s crazy because just over 24 hours ago, Maya would’ve said no. She would’ve said AP’s were a waste of time and that she needed to go to class to get the real information on dynamics. Now, just being with her roommates for a day, Maya understood the difference a real Accountability Partnership could make. 

“Yes, I do,” she said, confidently. Claire beamed at her and Maya had to remind herself it wasn’t time to fall in love. It was rule time. “So. Rules?” 

They scraped together a pretty good list. It was a bit longer than Maya had hoped for but it felt challenging in the good kind of way. They decided on basic rules like no disrespect and no lying, but then, Claire pulled a few tricks out of her sleeve and came up with hyper specific rules like ‘must do one activity a week to fulfill masochistic needs,’ and ‘must link TATL app’ which had to be explained to Maya. The app was what Maya considered to be a serious breach of privacy - it had access to her location and academic records where professors could chat to Claire directly in case of ‘issues.’ She swore to herself that there would never be an issue. She also kept her feelings about this app to herself because Claire seemed to be very set on using it for ‘extra accountability.’ Just when Maya was ready to stab herself in the eyeball, Claire announced that they move onto the punishment section.

“Why is there even a section?” Maya groaned. “Isn’t it just about spanking?”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “You doubt the wonder that creativity can do when sprinkled into a punishment.”

”Sadistic bitch,” Maya grumbled. 

“Well, yes,” Claire agreed. “But it’s not an official part of my designation.”

Maya glared at her but flipped over the next page, ready to face more humiliation. She was staring at a questionnaire of about a hundred questions - all of them asking about positions and implements, and she had to mark if she were ‘green, yellow, or red’ on each and every one. 

About 3 minutes in, Maya let out yet another sigh. She was getting tired and all this talk about spanking was making her squirm. 

52. Spanking over the lap with bare hand

Duh, Green. 

53. Spanking over a chair with bare hand

Christ, how many different positions were there?

There were a lot. To the end of the list actually. Maya just started ticking green on everything, wanting to get the stupid contract over with. 

“I hope you’re taking this seriously,” Claire tutted. “I will personally go down this list and do each and every one tonight if you’re not.” 

That halted her in her tracks. She gave Claire a sheepish look, trying not to feel ashamed that her AP had needed to get onto her. Claire just rolled her eyes in response. 

Maya erased the few questions she skipped and went over them again. It was a good thing too, because Maya discovered that she did have a few soft limits on certain spanking positions and implements. Finally setting down her pencil, Maya gave a big sigh and leant back into the couch. Claire raised an eyebrow.

”Need a break?”

”No, I’m good,” Maya responded, steeling herself. 

“The next section is aftercare.”

”I need a break.”

“Thought so,” Claire smirked. Maya stood up and stretched, about to head downstairs. “Wait! Be considerate when going into the dorm. They are probably not done talking.” 

“Oh, ok,” Maya tried to sound normal. 

She entered the dorm with such caution she looked like she could be a dramatic spy in a 50s movie. At first, she didn’t hear anything, but the sounds of soft crying were coming from the big bedroom on her left. 

Maya couldn’t help herself. Overcome by morbid curiosity, she crept on the toes of her feet and listened at the door of bedroom A. 

“I haven’t broken that rule in weeks,” came a sad, dismayed voice. 

“I know.” Yessy responded with such gentleness that Maya almost didn’t think it was the same person who scolded them in the restaurant. 

“I was  so focused on having a fresh start and not fucking up that I-I,” Leeland broke off in a sob. “I did what I always do! I fucked up anyways.” 

“Lee.” There was some rustling. “You are miles ahead of where you started last year. I am proud of you no matter what.” She paused as Leeland gave another sob. “Listen. You are going to forget things. It’s part of life. I will always be here to spank you when you do.” 

Maya now felt like proper shit for eavesdropping. This interaction was very intimate and Maya didn’t think anyone should be in the building let alone the dorm. As she made to leave, Yessy spoke again. 

“Do you need more, my love?”

It wasn’t a threat. In fact, it was met with a pleading “yes.” 

Maya gawked, processing this. She had never thought of spanking as more than a consequence for not being good enough. She had been paddled by her professors before but that was more of an incentive to not be late to class again. This was something deeper. 

Maya quickly left as the sounds of almighty thwacking began descending through the room accompanied by renewed sobbing. Her heart didn’t stop pounding for a while.  

Chapter Text

The first day of school was like a holiday. Brand new (slightly used, but it was washed!) everything and the promise of getting McDonald’s for dinner. That was Maya’s childhood. Her mother was always in a good mood the first day of school because she no longer had to worry about what to do with Maya.

Likewise, Maya adored being at school. Even when school hours ended, and she had to attend the ‘After School Program,’ Maya still loved being in the building, doing whatever she wanted. The ‘ASP’ kids quickly got rebranded as the ‘ASS’ kids, but even then, Maya enjoyed the time she spent at school. College was like a special treat: getting to sleep in the same place where she studied. 

Monday morning had Maya up and ready before Claire knocked on her door. The same couldn’t be said for Leeland. The brat was running around the dorm like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to find all of her misplaced items. Maya watched with a bored expression as Yessy followed her, wielding a wooden spoon like Judge Judy’s gavel.

“I told you to get your stuff ready yesterday!” Yessy lectured.

There was a crack as the spoon found its target and an indignant scoff. 

“I’m mostly ready!”

Claire waited patiently next to Maya, filing her nails and fixing her cuticles. The roommates demanded they walk together to the morning assembly. Apparently, the first day of school was met with such an occasion to ‘ensure everyone had the same happy start’ to the new school year. Maya could go without an assembly but Claire insisted, so there she was, restless and waiting on Leeland. 

Said disaster now scampered into the room, clutching her laptop and a granola bar, and making sure to keep her butt out of the line of fire as Yessy followed. 

“Ok! Shall we?” Leeland asked innocently.

Maya didn’t need to be told twice. The sooner assembly was over, the sooner she could get to class. She took off at an angry pace across campus to the large central auditorium. A yank on her backpack almost had her losing her footing. Maya turned, ready to be upset by the offender. 

Claire looked like she had maybe used an eighth of her strength, Maya’s backpack strap clutched tightly in her hand, and a weird, overbright smile on her face. 

“Let’s not lose each other, yeah?” 

Maya nodded complacently and jerked her backpack out of Claire’s grip. She saw Claire’s eyebrows raise but she avoided everyone’s eyes, feeling antsy to leave. 

The moment was interrupted when Leeland shouted across the auditorium at a group of people Maya recognized from Friday night. Ron was sitting amongst them and he made a beeline for her as the girls approached. 

“Hey!” He called out excitedly. “I didn’t catch you at the fair.”

Unfortunately, this caught Claire’s attention. 

“Really? Cause Maya said she joined DnD.”

“Yeah. I got her word on Friday,” Ron lied. He turned to Maya. “I just wanted to check if that was the only club you’re interested in.”

Maya had to give it to him. Ron was quick on his feet and her respect for him shot up infinitely. 

“Um, I’m looking at a few others,” Maya said. 

She knew it was stupid but she was clutching at any privacy she had left in her life, and her club choice was something she didn’t want to share. And she technically wasn’t lying. 

“Ok,” Ron said, still in that easygoing tone. “Did you check the email though?”

Maya shook her head, wanting to escape the look Claire was pinning her with, but they were saved by the Black Eyed Peas.

Music began blaring in the auditorium, signaling the beginning of the assembly. Maya took a seat next to Ron, Leeland shuffling in on her other side. They watched a choppy video put together by some students about their summer break. Pictures of Greece and Italy filled the main screen and Maya rolled her eyes. She had spent her summer working the night shift at 7-11. 

Maya zoned out from there. Truth be told, she couldn’t keep her thoughts off of what happened in the dorm over the weekend. Yessy had spanked Leeland basically on request but it had been so much more than a spanking. 

Was this how all lifestyle people felt about discipline? Was she missing out on something?

Maya decided it was knowledge. She needed to attend an RBU class on submission and then she would know for sure.

Claire had known something was up because when Maya returned to the roof after eavesdropping, she hardly spoke another word. She let Claire decide everything about their aftercare routine which made her cheeks light up if she thought about it too long. 

Claire had asked if Maya liked physical touch. Maya grunted. Claire wrote something down and then asked if Maya preferred quality time. Maya grunted. It was an awkward 20 minutes of this going back and forth before Claire gave up and said they would be doing it the way she preferred if Maya had no input. 

She brushed those thoughts from her head, face still aflame, and snuck a glance back at her AP who had settled into the row behind her. Claire caught her eye and hardened her gaze when she saw Maya not paying attention which had the latter whipping her head back towards the stage.

They were blessedly dismissed from assembly shortly, and Maya took off at a furious pace, ready for her first class - Cognitive Psych. 

She had thought she could just slip away to attend her first class. 

No such luck. 

Claire caught up to her and snagged her arm in a deceptively firm grip. 

“I gave you my schedule this morning,” Maya said, confused. “I have class.”

She felt squirmy. First, Claire had given her that look and now Maya was being held hostage in an unrelenting grip. Not to mention the stream of students that were now filling the sidewalks around them, providing a splendid peanut gallery should the pair choose to perform.

“I know,” Claire said lightly. “I just wanted to say good luck before you left and tell you that I’ll be in the West Dining Hall for lunch.”

“Oh, ok. Thanks.” Maya looked down at the hand still wrapped around her bicep. 

Claire pulled Maya in close, and Maya swore she felt her heart drop out of her ass. This would be, like, really attractive if she weren’t so scared and they were only on day 4 of knowing each other. Maya braced but Claire just leant down to whisper directly in her ear. 

“You need to check your emails more often.” And then she released her.

Maya rubbed her bicep, a bit disoriented. She had the first day jitters and it seemed like the second she stepped foot on RBU campus, someone always wanting something from her. 

She wanted to stomp away but figured that would be a tad too bratty, and she wasn’t quite ready to apologize, so she compromised. Maya gave a curt nod and walked away as fast as she dared. 

When lunchtime rolled around, it wasn’t that Maya was avoiding Claire. It wasn’t. Maya just wasn’t hungry. That’s why she ended up at Starbucks and not wherever West Dining was. 

Not many students were in the shop, preferring the local place, making it the perfect atmosphere for Maya to start reading her Cognitive Psychology textbook. Class had been stimulating and she was eager to jump into her studies, even though they were only discussing intro and history. Maya was so wrapped up in her reading that she didn’t notice the person approaching her.

“All by yourself?”

Maya looked up to find Alex, one of the people from the skee ball booth. She quickly made room for her visitor, gesturing to the other side of the table. Alex slid in with a latte and a smile. 

“Are you a freshie? Cause you don’t act like one but then you do but then you don’t,” Alex said eloquently.

“No, uh, transfer student,” Maya responded just as eloquently. 

“Oh, gotcha. What year?”

“Sophomore.”

Alex bit back a laugh by taking a long drink from their latte. 

“Right, well in the spirit of hell week, you can have my punch card. I’ve been banned from caffeine.” 

She took the card offered to her, slightly suspicious of why Alex was being so nice. 

“I thought hell week was the week before finals and you do know you’re drinking a grande?” Maya asked.

“So much to learn, I see. You must have a very nice AP.  Ask any other new student and they’ll agree this is hell week.”

Maya frowned, remembering what Leeland had said about orientation week as well.

“Well, that doesn’t explain the coffee.”

“Woman of detail,” Alex mock-toasted and then took another swig. “That’ll come in handy for competition.”

Maya smiled. “I like hard problems.”

“Ok, heard.” Alex sized Maya up, thinking about their next words. “You should come hang out tonight. Place is called The Space Bar. You have a fake?”

Maya nodded her affirmation.

“Good. It’ll get you in but don’t expect any drinks, there’ll be doms around.”

“Alright,” Maya agreed.

They exchanged numbers, and Maya was a little proud she had made a friend without Leeland’s help. 

***

Maya was minding her business in the privacy of her bedroom. Really, she was psyching herself up to call her mother. She always felt like shit afterwards but it was a necessary evil to make sure the woman was still alive. She was on her third hit in 15 minutes and she needed to chill cause the room was starting to look foggy. It had taken the force of the hulk to pry the dorm window open the crack that it was, so there Maya sat, feeling belittled underneath her window and pissed off at her mother. 

She closed her eyes and counted to 10, telling herself she’d hit ‘call’ on 11. Then, on 16, she decided on a fourth hit.

Alex had texted her earlier letting her know ‘the group’ (Maya was picturing the Teen Titans) was headed to The Space Bar at 7. It was only 5:30, so Maya had unnecessary boring time to fill with activities such as overthinking and getting slightly high. She sighed, slamming her forehead into her knees and wrapping her arms around her ankles. 

Eventually, somehow, she pressed call. God must’ve been smiling down on her because her mom didn’t answer. That wasn’t always a good thing but it did get Maya out of the responsibility feelings. She left a voicemail; something that sounded like ‘hey mom, don’t kill yourself. ‘Kay, love you, bye.’

Maya had just decided to carry on her tradition and go get McDonald’s for dinner when there was a knock on her door. Claire poked her head around a moment later. Maya quickly checked that she had successfully stowed her vape in her pocket. She was getting a bit sloppy with it. 

“Hey,” Claire smiled. Her smile quickly turned into a look of disgust. “Do you need my dehumidifier? These dorms have the worst ventilation, I swear.”

Maya dumbly nodded, allowing the girl to come in and plug in her dehumidifier on the desk. 

“There, that’ll help” Claire said cutely, patting the thing. “You know, it also helps if you leave your door open.” 

“Hm,” Maya gave the girl a deep frown. 

Claire laughed. “That wasn’t an order,” she put her hands on her hips, “but if you’re looking for one, put your shoes on. We’re going to go have fun.” 

“Fun doing what?” Maya asked skeptically. She only had about an hour and a half until she was supposed to meet people at the bar. 

“Soccer,” Claire sighed. “No, hear me out,” she said at Maya’s expression, “it’s tradition. You’re not expected to play. Just come sit on the sidelines with me. It’ll be nice, I promise.”

Maya couldn’t say no when she had brushed Claire off literally all morning so she suited up for fucking soccer. 

It didn’t take long to regret it. She was sweaty 2 minutes in, and Claire was talking to someone else - the girl she remembered to be Ron’s domme but couldn’t recall her name. The only other person on the sidelines was some man so Maya sat on the ground by herself looking like a toddler in timeout. 

She watched, eyes crossed, as the friend group kicked the ball around. Half of them wore neon yellow vests while the other half sported purple, looking like colorful blobs in a sea of grass. 

Maya called it quits not even moments later when she pulled a blade of grass out of her buttcrack. 

She was planning to say something super mature like ‘thanks for inviting me, I need to go piss,’ but when she walked over to Claire, the other domme thought Maya was ready to have a lengthy conversation. 

“Maya, right?” She asked. “Ron said you wear many hats.” 

Maya stared at her. “I don’t like hats.”

The girl just chuckled like Maya had definitely said that on purpose for funsies. Maya understood a half second too late, feeling stupid.               

“So. DnD? Your idea or his?” 

“His,” Maya responded, trying to buy herself time to figure out the girl’s name. “But it sounds fun. I had my eye on a few other things.”

”Do tell.”

Maya hoped she didn’t look like a deer in the headlights as she quickly went through in her brain all the clubs she could recall at the fair. She didn’t want to share about skee ball - that was her thing. Maya blanked when she made eye contact with Claire, all thoughts momentarily leaving her head. 

“Uh.” Her catchphrase. “Coffee…club?”

“I knew he was lying to me,” the other girl muttered. Then, to Maya’s alarm, she turned and shouted at the field. “RON!” 

Maya watched with a pit in her stomach as the boy jogged over to them. He was flushed and sweaty and held his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. His vest had twisted around his shoulder.

“What’s up?” He panted. 

“Why haven’t you turned in Maya’s list?” Came the demand. 

Ron’s eyes flickered over Maya for a brief moment before returning his full attention back to his keeper. 

“I can do that right now.”

“Do so,” she ordered. A pointed finger to where Ron should sit had him obeying in a millisecond and Maya awkwardly joined him. 

“What are we doing?” She asked miserably. There were only 30 minutes till 7 o’clock. 

“You know,” Ron reassured with a measured tone, “the email.”

“You haven’t checked your email?”

The question came from Claire. Maya bristled, remembering the embarrassing exchange they’d had on the sidewalk that morning. One second she was on her way to a bar, the next, interrogated about email. And there was something about hats. 

“Who says I haven’t?” Maya retorted. 

She wanted to press pause so she could figure out what list everyone was talking about, but one glance up at Claire’s expression told her she had just stepped in it. 

“You did. Or you wouldn’t be so confused right now,” Claire counterattacked.

It sucked when you looked like a lost puppy all the time. Maya had that look. She needed to diffuse this immediately because Claire was now looking particularly annoyed. 

“Well, good thing phones exist,” she snipped. 

So, that wasn’t diffusing, but Maya was feeling very defensive and she just wanted to go play skee ball for god’s sake. She was halfway to pulling up her outlook app when Claire spoke again.  

“Do we need to have a conversation about tone?” 

Maya felt like her whole body flushed. No way was she getting scolded in front of other people. She also had no clue what to say next to let her AP know that she had no intention, whatsoever, of getting into trouble so soon. She had only forgotten something. It was an accident. 

Regrettably, her mind wandered to Yessy and Leeland. You are going to forget things. It’s part of life. I will always be here to spank you when you do.

She didn’t have to say anything because Claire granted her mercy. 

“Check it now. And watch your mouth.”

“Ok,” Maya said bitterly. 

“What do you say?” Claire hissed. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Maya replied, thoroughly abashed. 

She was gonna die. Her last paddling at Pinchton hadn’t left her feeling this chastised. Thank god for Ron. 

“It’s that one,” he pointed down at Maya’s phone to an email with the subject ‘Involvement at RBU.’ He also acted totally normal and not like they were both in hot water not even 30 seconds ago. 

Ron helped Maya submit this random form she didn’t know existed and he didn’t even raise an eyebrow when she checked the box for ‘Skee ball - Intramural.’ When the tension finally bled out, he leaned in closer. 

“You ok? Kat can sound a bit harsh when she yells.”

Maya very discreetly looked over her shoulder where Claire and Kat were still talking, and luckily, paying them no attention. 

“I’m fine,” Maya huffed. “Sorry. I didn’t know there was a form.”

”Yeah, well,” Ron sucked in a breath, “there’s also a transfer student mixer tomorrow.”

Maya glared at her phone, feeling overwhelmed, and to her complete mortification, felt her eyes go blurry with pre-tears. She stuck her tongue in her cheek and thought of weird things to make the tears evaporate - Starfire, lice, and fucking skee ball. Ron was staring at her like she was crazy. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he backtracked, “you’re busy. I’ll come up with something.”

”No point,” Maya sighed. “She has my location on this TATL app.”

Ron laughed. “Curse the TATL gods. It’s a dom tool for dom users to worsen our lives with stability and rules.”

”Shut up,” Maya felt herself smiling. “It’s a breach of privacy.”

”Ah, yes,” Ron leaned in, whispering under the wind, “but I know 3 little letters. V, P, and N.”

Maya contemplated, a gleam in her eye. “Price?”

”One game of soccer.”

”Goddamnit.”

***

Maya played her first ever game of soccer that night. When Claire asked why, Maya had told her that she “simply felt behooved after Ron helped her.” 

That had made Leeland fucking lose it and the brat made fun of her all the way back to the dorm. Maya allowed the behavior - anything to keep Claire from talking about what had happened on the sidelines. 

Maya was also feeling a bit sore from having to miss the hang out with Alex. It probably would’ve helped if she had just told Claire she had plans, but there was no rewinding time no matter how badly she wanted to. She had sent Alex a text to let them know she would not be coming after all. 

It was met with - no prob. Catch you later x.

At least Alex was cool. 

What wasn’t cool was the way Yessy ordered everyone to sit down when they returned. Maya watched with wide eyes as Leeland overdramatized a mournful plop in the center of the couch. Claire, poised as ever, sat down and crossed her legs in the armchair closest to the door. Already knowing she’d regret it, Maya made her decision and sat rigidly next to Leeland on the couch, squashed up against the arm. Yessy remained standing. 

Maya didn’t know what the impromptu meeting was for and she didn’t like it, eyes darting around the room. But not at Claire. 

Yessy briefly left and came back with a portable whiteboard and a brilliant smile. 

“I’ve finalized the chore chart,” she announced. 

Maya kicked herself for feeling so nervous over something so casual. She was halfway to rolling her eyes about herself but stopped when Yessy eyed her. 

“Chore chart is necessary when you live with Lee,” Yessy explained. 

“Such accusations.”

“Therefore,” Yessy continued like she hadn’t been interrupted, “we all get to partake in this necessary evil. No, it’s not fun, but neither is mold.”

“Wasn’t mold,” Leeland grumbled. Yessy shut her up with an eyebrow. 

“So,” she continued, “I’m sorry, Maya, but I just wrote your name down for whatever. Is there a specific chore you do at home?”

Maya snorted. She had been her household’s sole caretaker since the age of 8.

“No. Everything is fine,” she told them. All of her roommates stared. “What?”

“You kill bugs?” Leeland asked hopefully. 

“I prefer to release them.”

“Thank god.” Leeland wasn’t alone in the sentiment. Both Yessy and Claire looked very happy at this establishment. 

“You catch all the spiders and I’ll never make you make dinner,” Yessy said. 

Maya silently questioned why they’d be having dinner together in the first place. Her life was ‘scrounge or die.’ Meal sharing wasn’t really a thing. Yessy was, evidently, keeping close watch on Maya because she understood the internal dilemma immediately. 

“We usually eat our meals together,” Yessy told her. “You don’t have to, but I prefer to sit down together at the end of the day.”

Maya pursed her lips, unsure of what was being asked of her. If she accepted, would she have to show up each night? Would she have to give notice if she couldn’t make it? That was too much responsibility. 

Instead of being a normal fucking human, Maya just chose not to respond to that. She awkwardly sat there in silence, ready to call it a day and order DoorDash. 

“Ok, moving on…,” Yessy continued. 

Maya dissociated. She felt a bit raw around the edges. Lots of firsts had happened in her last 24 hours, and like always, some of them were good and some of them needed nicotine addiction to fix it. 

They were excused from the jury after a while and Maya was ready to go hide under her covers but Claire was following her. 

“What?” Maya was a little bit short when the other girl entered her room behind her. 

“How are you feeling?”

The question caught her so off guard, Maya stood shock-still for a moment. Then, she recovered. 

“Spectacular.”

She turned to her bed, pulling back the covers and fluffing up her pillows. It was time to get as high as she could without suspicion and Claire needed to leave. 

“Maya,” Claire sighed. “You’re spiraling.”

“I’m not—,” Maya scoffed, “—I don’t do that.”

Claire let the statement fill the room in all of its dishonest glory before setting the record straight. 

“You are and I have something to fix it.”

She left the room briefly, leaving Maya alone in her principles. To her utmost horror, Claire came back with paper, stickers, and markers. She would’ve preferred a bath brush. 

“What is this?” Maya questioned anxiously. 

Claire rolled her eyes. “You’re going to write out our rules and then decorate them and hang them up there,” she pointed to the blank cork board above Maya’s desk. 

Maya gaped at her. “Wha—”

“I’m not finished,” Claire held up her hand. “I want you to add the rule of checking emails daily. If that’s overwhelming, I can do it for you.”

Maya bit the inside of her cheek to stop the urge of saying ‘fuck you.’ Yeah, she was scatterbrained, and she liked it that way. 

“Fine,” Maya huffed.

“That’s not how you respond when I give you an order.”

Maya crossed her arms, and it took every fiber of her being to leave her foot planted on the ground instead of stamping it. 

“Yes, ma’am.” There was no eye contact and she said it from her butthole, but Claire accepted it.

“Thank you.” Claire turned and got comfy on top of the bed. “I’m going to put on Pride and Prejudice, you’re going to work, and what do you want for dinner?”

“McNuggets,” Maya requested, feeling her eyes water. 

She took the offensive craft tools and sat herself at the desk while Claire ordered dinner. It was silly at first, writing the rules, but Maya was secretly starting to enjoy the coloring and made the pages Teen Titans themed. She figured she’d at least have one decoration up in her room. 

When Maya finished, she showed Claire (who was very enthusiastic about the whole thing) and got approval to relax and eat. Somehow, the rules thing had made Maya’s headache disappear and she gave herself the space left in her lungs to breathe a little. 

Maya ate her nuggets and watched her favorite movie on Claire’s laptop upon the bed. She totally did not lean into Claire when she did so. And she totally was not catching feelings. 

Chapter Text

Maya didn’t own what one would call pajamas. 

When she turned eight, she was given the key to her family storage unit. Her mom, desperate and out of money, ordered that they sell everything in it. Maya spent weeks sorting through junk until she came across her holy grail: her dad’s stuff. She did not sell it. 

Her Deftones muscle tee coupled with boxers was the go-to for sleeping. This was the state she was in when she awoke to screaming. 

Maya sat up in alarm, her heart racing. Her body protested this, sending waves of fire down her spine. She cried out but ignored it and leapt from the bed as the scream turned into consistent caterwauling. And it sounded like Leeland. 

The pure adrenaline coursing through her veins made the pain subside, and Maya rushed out into the living room to inspect. It would’ve been comical if she weren’t so scared. 

Leeland was screeching at the top of her lungs, standing on top of the couch and clutching a throw pillow that read ‘Yee haw.’ Claire mirrored her on her left, sporting the ‘Yippee-ki-yay’ pillow. She looked like a princess with a powder blue sleep set (monogrammed) and her hair wrapped in heatless curls.

Yessy, for her part, was scrambling around the room, swinging their broom down at random spots on the floor and yelling when it yielded no results. 

Maya blinked for a few moments, taking in the view. Then, she saw it; a ginormous wolf spider was skedaddling across their floor. She moved.

“Give me that!” Maya shouted at Yessy.

She took the broom and waited for the spider to freeze. It paused at the threshold of the kitchen and so did the screaming, dipping the room into a ringing silence as both Claire and Leeland held their breath. 

Maya gently stuck the broom handle out in front of the spider. It was a fast motherfucker and she did not want to spook it into a hidey-hole. Tentatively, the spider crawled on. 

“Open the door,” she ordered quickly.

Yessy slammed into the front door to grasp the knob and fling it open. 

Maya turned, holding the broom out like a javelin, and cantered forward feeling very much like a medieval knight jousting for her mistress’s love.

Just before she struck her opponent (released the spider), it decided to fuck off and jump from the broom handle, sending the room into more chaos. Leeland hooted and hollered as Yessy did an impressive twist in midair to find purchase atop the kitchen counter. 

Maya grunted as she lunged, no longer caring, after the spider and snatched the thing cleanly around its middle. She didn’t waste time, taking her stance and praying it would survive as she threw it quarterback style right through their front entrance. 

Claire recovered first, leaping from the couch and slamming the door behind it.

For a while they all stared at each other, different levels of breathing. Maya’s adrenaline leaked away leaving her to battle with the onslaught of inflamed joints and aching muscles. Claire turned slowly and narrowed her eyes. 

“Leeland Grace,” she scolded. 

“Not my fault,” Leeland panted. 

“That was an overreaction,” Yessy stated from her spot atop the counter. 

Leeland huffed but offered nothing more and released her pillow to decorate the couch. She crossed her arms and gave Maya an appraising up and down glance.

“Thank you, Prince Charming,” she said. 

Maya rolled her eyes, adjusted her boxers, and left. Before she reached the hallway, however, Claire called after her.

“Maya.”

They all turned to look at her. Claire pinkened.

“Just—thank you.”

Maya gave a nod. She needed a hit immediately. 

***

“It’s balls were bigger than yours.”

“Not hard to believe.”

Maya let her head clunk behind her on the concrete wall. A crime had been committed against her. Claire had ordered Leeland to take Maya to class. It would’ve been a perfectly deniable request but Leeland had the exact same class as her — Designation: Submissive 2010 . 

They had met up with Ron who, unsurprisingly, also had the same class, and the pair had babbled all the way to the Lifestyle Studies building and to the hallway outside of their class. Leeland was now catching Ron up on the fiasco that was the previous night. 

“Not kidding. The thing was huge and Maya just Joe Montana’d the sucker right outta the dorm.”

Maya raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” Ron said playfully, “our little star. Going out for the team?”

“You both should be preparing for class,” Maya said disdainfully. 

She had done her class prep rigorously, having completely memorized the syllabus. This was probably the most important class for her research and she was eager to hear what RBU had to say about bottom track Designations. What she didn’t want was to hear a recount of her spider hunting adventure. 

Both Leeland and Ron were laughing at her. 

“Preparing for syllabus day? Yeah, ok,” Leeland laughed. “What are you guy’s plans tonight? I heard there’s a bar crawl.”

“On a Tuesday?” Ron squinted. “Dumb. I got Transfer Office duties. There’s a mixer.”

“It’s the first week, there’s no rules,” Leeland tutted. “So you’re both stuck at a mixer?”

Maya shifted uncomfortably. She had rescheduled with Alex who graciously promised to go to the bar again that night and show Maya the ropes. She also hadn’t told anyone about Alex yet. 

“Umm,” she said uncertainly, “I won’t be attending the mixer.”

Leeland focused all of her attention on Maya. 

“That doesn’t sound suspicious at all. Plotting something?”

Maya looked back and forth between the two of them, feeling self-conscious. She would sound like a total brat if she said yes. 

“I need that VPN,” she said towards Ron.

The boy smirked and held his hand out. Leeland raised her eyebrows but said nothing as Ron took Maya’s phone and conducted his business. 

Maya monitored him for a moment, hesitating. The VPN would undoubtedly end up causing her trouble. Having the TATL app was a rule Claire had proposed and Maya had foolishly agreed even though she thought it was an extemporaneous boundary. She felt bitter about the whole ordeal, and having to acquire a VPN just to gain her own privacy back already felt like a violation on her person. But the rule was placed—a line drawn in the metaphorical sand of their brand new relationship. 

Maya swallowed, feeling uneasy as Ron handed back her phone. Leeland was watching her. 

“It’s just a tool to have a little fun,” Leeland said. “You don’t even have to use it.”

Maya narrowed her eyes. “And none of that pertains to you.”

”Ok, Deftones,” Leeland snarked. Ron raised an eyebrow.

”Deftones?”

”Oh, look. Class is starting,” Maya glared at them. 

Their professor had, indeed, come into the hallway to unlock the classroom door. Maya stood up, feeling an odd mix of anxious and prepared. She was excited for class but starting something new always seemed to have that effect on her. Feeling like her phone was burning a hole into her pocket, Maya took a seat in the back of the class, Leeland and Ron accompanying her the whole way. 

The rest of the class shuffled in, looking bleary-eyed. The class was a required course to complete Lifestyle gen-eds, so the students were stacked into an auditorium lecture hall with rows of seats lining the room into three different sections. The back row was elevated so that the room sloped down to the front where their professor began writing something on the very large blackboard. 

Maya busied herself with her pre-class ritual, setting up her laptop and arranging her notebook for additional, more important notes. She came to a halt when she finally looked up. Their professor had written the words ‘focus groups’ onto the board. 

Great .

Maya side-eyed Leeland to see if the girl was also dreading the next hour and a half, but Leeland was actually looking fucking delighted. The girl turned towards Ron.

“Finally. I hope it’s not just long winded lecture time this year,” she said. Ron nodded eagerly, making Maya the odd man out yet again. She liked lecture hall. Preferred it even. 

More students entered the auditorium, increasing Maya’s anxiety for the upcoming class. There were about 60 students total in the room now and Maya knew a whopping two of them. She glanced at said two who were now bouncing in their seats to greet each one of their friends that passed by. Maya bothered her lip. 

Focus groups were good things. Focus groups insinuated research and research was one of things Maya could handle. She could do this. 

“Good morning!” Came the cheery, charismatic voice of their professor. “I’m Dr. Rojas and I’ll be guiding you all through your second year Lifestyle Studies Designation course.” Dr. Rojas paused to smile and make eye contact with as many students as she could, Maya included, and then continued, “It is my belief that students learn better when they have a support group of like-minded people. Hence, the focus groups. I’m going to write an umbrella term on the board and I want you guys to group based on what you feel you most align with.”

Maya felt her heart jump into her throat. She knew exactly which terms were going to be chosen, and she personally had no clue where she’d fit in most. The Designation test she’d taken at the beginning of last year had been so long ago. So much had happened since then.

Dr. Rojas completed her list. Maya read them:

Service

Little

Brat

Masochist 

Pet

There was a hand on her arm. Maya flinched away and looked up to meet Leeland’s eyes.

“What?”

“Ron and I are going to join the Brat group,” Leeland whispered. “You could come with us if you want.”

Maya’s eyes hardened. “No, thanks. I’ll join my own Designation.”

Leeland stared for a few beats before shrugging. 

“‘Kay. Suit yourself.”

The students launched into action, chatting to each other and grouping based off of agreement. Maya awkwardly stood up and took her things with her, hoping she wouldn’t have to admit anything to find her group. Eventually, she heard the word “Masochist” uttered and followed the people to the far right corner of the room. 

Her group was average sized. Large enough to hide behind others, small enough to have to participate. She said “hi” to a few people but that was the extent of their conversation, most of them drawing their attention back to the board where Dr. Rojas was writing another piece of information. 

Take the questionnaire. Discuss in your group.

“I want you all to answer honestly and take some time to reflect on the questions. This will be anonymous,” Dr. Rojas told them. 

A QR code had been pulled up on the large screen that sat adjacent to the board. Maya ignored the world around her and scanned the information. All sense of preparedness left the window as she read the first question:

Do you identify with your tested Designation results?

The options below ranged from strongly agree to strongly disagree with about 5 options of varying degrees of neutrality. 

Maya stared at the question, mind racing. Her entrance into the Lifestyle world had been through that Designation test at Pinchton. She didn’t know a single thing when she had given her answers. The Designation she’d received was Submissive Masochistic needs with Brat-like tendencies. 

Did she identify with that? No fucking clue!

She had no experience whatsoever. But, she did enjoy the few moments she felt taken care of. She settled on the ‘ Neutral ’ option and kept going.

Does your Designation meet your needs?

Shit.

Maya looked around her to see if anyone else was having a fucking identity crisis. She’d never asked herself these things. She just jumped two feet in like always and took things in stride. Reflecting seemed like it was going to be a crucial part of class. 

Maya grit her teeth and selected the ‘ Strongly Disagree ’ option. 

Strangely, she felt like laughing. None of her needs had ever been met in her life. Not unless you considered the never-ending task of feeding yourself. The questions continued to assault her with intense personal reckoning.

Does your Designation intimidate you? Maybe.

Do you feel marginalized within your Designation? Christ!

Do you find it hard to relate to others with your same Designation? Yes.

Does your Designation help you understand others? Wrap it up.

Maya answered as quickly as she could without giving it her full attention. If she thought too hard, she was going to spiral. 

Other students around her began to look up sheepishly, wary of having to start a discussion. Maya certainly wasn’t going to do it. One boy took the reins.

“So, the question about relating to others? Definitely. Especially in this group. How about you guys?”

Maya clamped her mouth shut and did not move or speak. She instead watched the discussion happen around her in real time, feeling like an inanimate object placed there for decoration. No one bothered her or asked for her opinion, for which she was grateful. She didn’t think anyone would be eager to be friends with the person who disagreed about everything. 

Occasionally, she would glance over at the brat group, feeling her chest tighten every time the giant group shared hearty guffaws. It didn’t help, however, that she would likely have the same answers to the questionnaire no matter what her Designation was. 

Someone was nudging her. Maya looked up to find the guy next to her asking for her opinion.

“Does it?” He asked. “Your Designation. Does it intimidate you?”

Maya blushed, finding that most of their group was now waiting for her to give input into the discussion. She shrugged.

“Uh. I guess it can be intimidating when it involves more than just yourself. Suffering is easy to face alone but when I have to do it with another person? Yeah, that intimidates me,” she answered. 

The people in her group politely nodded but no one said anything to follow up. There was no questioning it—she definitely didn’t relate to these people. 

Dr. Rojas dismissed the class 45 minutes later. Maya had remained silent for the majority of her group discussion and when they asked her to join a group chat she reluctantly provided her phone number. Most everyone else had gotten along and felt validated by the experience. Maya felt indigestion.

She broke away from the class, ready to go hide somewhere and get high, but someone caught her backpack from behind. 

“Hey. Lunch?” Leeland asked. Ron was waiting patiently behind. Maya yanked her backpack from Leeland’s grip. 

What was with her roommates and grabbing her?

“No, thank you,” Maya spat.

“What’s wrong?” Leeland crossed her arms. 

“Literally none of your concern,” Maya defended. 

Ron looked between the girls, his eyes moving fast. He placed a hand on Leeland’s shoulder.

“Let’s grab lunch a different time,” he diffused. Then, he turned to Maya. “We’ll be in West Dining, though, if you change your mind.”

“Ok,” Maya grumbled. She felt a bit like an asshole as she watched the pair exit the building and cross the lawn. 

Maya was emotionally wrung out, and she needed to get off campus if she was going to be able to vape. She left quickly, fast-walking-but-not-jogging to the edge of campus where dorms lined a private street that turned into a residential area. Once there, her phone pinged. 

Hey, what are you doing for lunch?

The text was from Claire. Maya very well couldn’t tell her she was having a smoke. She answered. 

With Leeland and Ron.

It was a shitty response but it would have to do. Maya crouched down underneath a tree and leaned back, taking a hit. She watched a few cars pass by on the street and relaxed, letting the calming haze take over her shot nerves.

She hadn’t been thrilled about their Designation class. The go-to ideal class time was a brain picking lecture filled with insights that made Maya hunger for more. Instead, she had gotten the Socratic Seminar from Satan. 

It was hard to tell how much time passed, but Maya listened to her body and put the vape away once she felt properly high. She stood up and packed her bag, calmed down enough to handle her afternoon classes. Footsteps alerted her she wasn’t alone. 

“Maya?” Maya whipped around to find Claire charging her with a concerned look. “Hey, are you ok?”

“I’m good,” Maya replied. “What are you doing out here?”

Claire looked taken aback. “I’ve texted you like five times. You didn't answer. I got worried.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Are you alright?”

“I’m good,” Maya repeated. “Thanks.”

“Maya.” Claire was dumbfounded. “What the heck?”

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me.” Claire put her hands on her hips. “You said you were with Ron and Leeland and then you didn’t show up to lunch with them and Leeland tells me you’re not ok and I get worried and text you and you’re not answering my texts,” she rambled. “And then I check your location and it said you were in the middle of a random fucking road. So, what the hell happened and are you ok?”

Maya breathed in and out slowly, trying to seem more aware than she actually was. She felt good. Way too good to be having this conversation. 

“Well,” she said, “I’m good. How are you?”

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not very happy. When you say you’re with Ron and Leeland and then you’re clearly not it makes me think I’m being lied to, and I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

“Oh, ok,” Maya said dumbly. “Lying is pretty bad. Being upset is understandable.”

She watched as Claire had an obvious internal dilemma, crossing and uncrossing her arms. Eventually the other girl decided on some words.

“Ok, well, I think some communication skills could be improved here,” Claire said, eyebrows raised. “Leeland mentioned you guys had an intense class.”

Maya sighed and rubbed a palm to her eyes. The heaviness of the conversation was cutting into her high, bringing the bad feelings she had tried so hard to banish. 

“I haven’t processed anything yet,” Maya so didn’t whine. “I just needed some space. I’m fine.”

Claire watched her for a few moments, pursing her lips. 

“Ok. I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed,” she sympathized. “But, Maya, please do not ghost me like that again.”

Maya shuffled her feet, hearing the commanding tone, and shrinking from it. She felt indignant at the fact that Claire had looked up her location without asking but she understood where her AP was coming from. 

“Alright. I won’t,” Maya promised. 

“Ok,” Claire sighed. “Let’s get you some food.”

Maya reservedly followed the girl back to the Dining Hall and back to reality. The calming haze softening her edges weakened considerably as the lunch rush invaded her space. Even the back pain was making a reappearance. 

So much for vaping responsibly.

Maya grumpily joined the table she was directed to. Leeland was giving her major side-eye and Maya shut it down with a sharp glare. That girl was going to get her in trouble.

***

If Maya had to choose a bar, The Space Bar would not be the first choice. The floor was sticky. Actually, everything was sticky. And the bartender was wearing a little gold speedo and nothing else. Every time Maya caught a glimpse of him, she pointedly looked the other direction.

“Eclectic,” she mused as they entered the hovel. 

Alex had just laughed at her, enjoying themselves. “Yeah, well,” they said, “it’s the only place around where you can reserve the Skee-Ball machines.”

Maya felt a tad nervous in a place she had never visited before, but Alex’s pure essence made her relax as much as she could. She had left the dorm with a plan: Ron came by to pick her up, told the roommates they were headed to the mixer, activated the VPN, and got the hell out of dodge.

Ron had wished her luck on the sidewalk as Alex had driven up and rolled the window down with a greeting of, “hey, pretty lady,” and then they were off. 

If she were being completely honest, Maya only felt slightly bad about lying. It was entirely out of pocket for Claire to have looked up her location earlier that day and she didn’t deserve access. Maya was just restoring order. 

“Alright, sweetness,” Alex said as they led her to the back of the bar, “let’s see what you got.”

Maya stared down at the machine. It was like a miniature bowling lane raised up from the ground and put in the corner. Alex was explaining the rules but Maya had a hard time concentrating as the over-loud music filled the space with the sounds of Taylor Swift. 

“I want you to watch my technique, ok?” Alex asked. Maya nodded.

Alex stood back from the machine at a certain distance—a line on the floor marking where they needed to be. They shifted their weight onto their dominant foot and drew their arm back, ball in hand. Maya observed as Alex released the ball with a perfectly calculated swing, and the ball glided along the ramp and up into the machine, sinking itself upwards towards the top middle-most target, earning them 50 points. 

Alex turned to her. “Middle is safest if you don’t trust your swing. Now, each machine can be different so I always go for a middle target with my first toss, but look,” they pointed, “the targets for the most points are in the corners.”

Maya blew out a breath. “Do you think we could get a bit tipsy?” 

Alex’s responding grin was that of a Cheshire Cat. “Alright, you’ve convinced me.”

”Wow, that was hard.”

”But you gotta do something for me first,” Alex revealed. 

“Oh, come on. What?” 

“Need to see you play sober,” Alex responded. “You know, for the team’s best interest.”

”Right.” Maya rolled her eyes. 

She grabbed the next ball from the machine and threw it underhanded as best she could. The ball hit the ball-hop and soared upwards, scoring her a 30-pointer. 

“Ok, not bad at all,” Alex praised. “What would you like as your reward?”

”Cherry vodka sour,” Maya ordered. 

When Alex left her to go up to the bar, the anxiety settled in. Maya suddenly felt very alone and self-conscious. In the back of her mind, she was aware that should she get caught, there would be hell to pay. It was as if thinking it brought it into existence as Maya’s phone buzzed. 

How’s the mixer going?

Claire had impeccable timing. Maya froze momentarily, considering her options. If she lied, there would be a paper trail that could potentially be used against her. If she admitted to not being at the mixer, Claire would probably be mad.

Maya chose the responsible option–simply don’t respond. She slipped her phone on do not disturb and put it in her pocket. 

Alex returned with drinks and Maya downed the thing, wanting to put all thoughts out of her head. She was starting to second guess herself and surely the vodka would make her feelings disappear. Alex kept an eye on her as they went through the rest of the round, each ball perfectly finding its target. 

“Did something happen?” Alex eventually asked. 

“No,” Maya answered too quickly. Alex stopped what they were doing to load another round into the machine. 

“You seem a bit more high strung compared to yesterday. Hell week got you down?”

Maya furrowed her eyebrows at the observation. She didn't want to come off as a high strung person but that was tough to compete with when you needed a fucking vape to breathe. She was twitchy when she thought about class that morning, and she was starting to feel nauseous.

“I think I fucked up,” Maya admitted. The alcohol in her system made her cheeks feel searing hot when she reached up a hand to cool them. 

She was warm, tipsy, and enjoying a new activity. Why didn’t it feel good?

Alex was watching her with pity. “Oh, honey. It’s only, what? Day seven? I promise you, it’s not as fucked as you think.”

“Day five,” Maya murmured. “Do you know how long it took me to fuck up at Pinchton? Day sixty-seven. I think I’m doing this all wrong. I don’t—maybe I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Ok, ok.” Alex set down their drink and fully turned to Maya, reaching out to grab her by the shoulders. “First of all, no one keeps a fucking tally of days that you mess up. And certainly not your AP,” Alex gave her a shake. “Secondly, what do you mean by ‘doing this all wrong’?”

Maya looked at them in disbelief. “Isn’t that like the whole point of having an AP? They keep the tab on when you mess up?”

Alex dropped their arms. “No, baby. They hold you when you mess up.”

The sounds of Pac-Man dying rang in her ears as the people all around them continued playing their arcade games like the most interesting bit of information wasn’t just said in front of the Skee-Ball machine. 

Alex wasn’t done imparting infinite wisdom. “You can’t attend RBU wrongly,” they said. “What did you mean when you said that?”

Maya reeled. “I need to piss.”

Alex sighed. “Ok, I’ll allow it. Maya, please though, come right back.”

Maya nodded and escaped to the back of the bar. The restroom was a smoky, graffitied wonder, and it contained a lot of suspiciously roomy stalls. Maya shut herself in the next open stall and breathed shallowly, thinking through her options. 

She could go home now and make up some lies about the mixer and hope that Claire wouldn’t notice; she could call Ron to come get her and actually go to the mixer and just pretend that she didn’t make a bad decision; she could own up to her mistake and call Claire; she could get absolutely shitfaced. 

Trembling, Maya made her decision and opened her phone. She took several breaths while studying Claire’s contact, steeling her nerves. 

“No. Way.”

Maya dropped her phone on the ground in surprise. The most obnoxious loud voice was booming at her from up above. Maya looked up to find Leeland hanging over the edge of the bathroom stall wall. 

“Dude,” Leeland giggled and gave her a wide grin. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to the bar crawl? We could’ve gone together!”

Maya snatched her phone from the floor, her initial fear subsiding. 

“I’m not here for the bar crawl,” she said, composed. “I wanted to check the place out.”

Leeland giggled more as she climbed over the side of the structure and jumped down into Maya’s stall. 

“Bratting so soon, handsome?” Leeland drawled. “I know you told a little birdie you were at a certain mixer.” 

Maya felt herself physically recoil from the words. That was not what this was, and that was not what she was doing. 

“Why are you looking over stalls into private spaces!” Maya admonished, taking the attention away from Leeland’s words. “You could catch a felony.”

“I thought I heard someone having a panic attack. Thought they needed help.” Leeland looked her up and down. “You ok? Do you need some water?” Leeland reached out a hand to cup Maya’s face, but Maya brutally slapped her away. “Owww,” she whined. 

“I’m just fine,” Maya lied. Then, she hesitated, “Is Claire here?”

Leeland smirked. “No. She’s a party pooper.”

“Oh.”

“Maya,” Leeland slowed down, “seriously, is everything alright? We can take you home.”

“We?” Maya asked sharply.

“Yessy is DD’ing.”

Maya felt her heart jump into her throat. When she had left for the evening, she had told all of her roommates that she was going to the mixer. That meant she had lied to Yessy as well, and Maya still didn’t know the girl or how she might react.

“I’m—I’m here with friends so I’m good. Thanks though.” Maya rushed from the stall before Leeland could react. She pushed past several people and shoved her way back to Skee-Ball and back to Alex. 

“Hey—,” Alex started to say.

“—I’m going to smoke you,” Maya announced as she reached for a ball. “Bring your worst.”

“You’re on.”

Alex grabbed the next set of balls and started tossing, each one hitting the target exactly as intended. Maya did her best trying to keep up, and at the same time, trying to get lost in the movement. She also kept one eye out for her roommates who could be lurking around any corner. Alex humored her for a few rounds before speaking again. 

“If you need to call someone, just let me know.”

Maya looked at them, worrying her lip between her teeth. She had chickened out of the call once already.

“I—just one more round, ok?”

“Ok, babe. No worries.”

But those were famous last words. There were worries. There absolutely were worries because Maya was now making eye contact with her roommate over Alex’s shoulder. 

Yessy looked like the grim fucking reaper as she stalked forward. One of her hands was clasped in Leeland’s, dragging the girl behind her. The other held up her phone which was pressed to her ear. 

Alex interpreted Maya’s expression (which she was sure was fucked) and turned to observe the approaching shitshow. Maya couldn’t tell what had happened but Leeland wasn’t happy, and she was shooting her looks of shame mixed with fear. 

Maya’s stomach dropped as Yessy came to a halt just inches away from the machine. 

“Yep. Understood,” Yessy said. She clicked off her call, bringing her phone down and stowing it away. She gave Maya a stony-faced once over. “You can imagine who I was talking to.”

Alex cringed and stepped away, giving them some privacy. Maya sucked in her lips as she watched them go, an uneven cacophony of arcade sounds filling the chasm between her and her impending doom. She turned back to Yessy and wilted. 

“Think I have some idea,” Maya managed to say.

Yessy nodded. “I sure hope you do.” She glanced at Leeland who seemed to find something interesting on the ceiling before sweeping her eyes back to Maya. “Let’s go.”

Maya didn’t say another word. She picked up her keys from where they lay by the machine and followed her roommates out of the bar. Offering Alex a guilty wave, Maya bullied her dignity into escorting her through what would surely be her final moments. Maybe it would come back to visit her sometime. 

Chapter Text

The worst part about getting in trouble was feeling the insane urge to laugh. Maya knew, however, that if she started laughing, crying would soon follow. She sat as still as she possibly could, gritting her teeth in the hope that she wouldn’t burst into tears the second she caught sight of Claire. 

Yessy had piled them into her black Chevy Tahoe. The car was black, adding to the lovely atmosphere of being guided to her very own execution by the Feds. Leeland, who sat in the passenger seat, turned around to look at Maya. 

She crooked her head towards the window. Maya directed her gaze at the cue, spotting the cemetery outside that they were passing.

“That’s you,” Leeland said solemnly. 

Maya raised her fist to flip Leeland off but she didn’t have to as Yessy’s hand shot out and whacked Leeland’s thigh 3 times in rapid succession. 

Leeland cried out and shoved herself as far away from the driver seat as she could muster. 

“Don’t be rude,” Yessy admonished, still in her scary, stony tone.

Maya relished in the swift justice but she remembered where she was and where she was headed, and she decided to keep fucking quiet. 

It was sooner than later that they arrived in dorm parking. Maya debated faking illness or attempting to break her own arm, but Yessy was still in execution escort mode and she was en route to open Maya’s door for her. 

There was a brief moment, then, that Maya and Leeland were left in the car alone. 

“You’re ok, Maya,” Leeland said softly. 

Maya’s brow furrowed, ready to tell Leeland off, but her car door opened and she half-expected handcuffs to descend. In her weak moment of hesitation, Yessy determined she was stalling far too long and reached in to unbuckle Maya’s seatbelt for her. 

Maya held her breath but all Yessy did was straighten and jab a thumb up at the building.

“Go ahead. We’ll be up later.”

Strangely, Maya thought of her mom. Maya’s mom loved personification and was always calling her funny names like “Negative Nancy” and “Debby Downer.” Her favorite to call Maya, however, was “Sorrowful Sandy.” And fucking Sorrowful Sandy was making an appearance tonight.

God, she’d never done a gallows walk before and it was miserable. She kept having to remind herself to breathe and briefly forgot what number dorm they lived in—the one with the tasteless Scooby Doo cutouts. Maya did her best to ignore the instinct to run away and entered the dorm. 

She winced nearly right away as the sound of slamming cupboards echoed through the space. There was a slam and then eerie silence and Maya’s last breath got lost somewhere near her tonsils as Claire poked her head around the barrier. 

Maya felt like chicken shit opening her mouth to greet or apologize or even ramble, but she couldn’t. She opened her mouth, closed it, and found a focal point beyond Claire’s left earlobe to stare. She felt stupid, the same avoidance that stole her sense of self preservation in the restroom rendered her completely useless yet again. Claire didn’t deserve this.

Said person cocked her head, giving Maya a curious look. 

“What happened?”

A hangdog look crossed Maya’s face. “What didn’t?”

”Oh, good question. You didn’t answer my texts. You didn’t tell me where you were going. You didn’t communicate with me. You didn’t call,” Claire listed. 

Maya cringed. This was hell. She had died in Skee-Ball purgatory and was now sentenced to push a boulder up a damn hill while Claire lectured down from above for the rest of eternity.   

“I tried… I was going to call you, I swear! Leeland just came in and ruined everything,” Maya blabbered. 

”Leeland?” Claire asked incredulously. “Leeland who was headed to a bar crawl? When you told me that you were going to a mixer?”

Right. This was not about Leeland interrupting her one chance of redemption she might’ve had, had she clicked on Claire’s contact in the spacious bathroom stall. This was about her lying. 

God, why did she lie? It wasn’t as if Claire would’ve said no. Yessy was already the designated driver should she have gotten publicly indecent and they definitely all had fake ID’s anyways. 

Maya opened her mouth to say “No, I ruined everything,” but here’s how the interaction actually went:

”No—”

“—No? You didn’t lie to me and then turn off your location?”

Maya swallowed. She needed to get control of the conversation immediately, but Claire was two steps ahead. 

“I think we need to take this to your room.” 

Maya hated the sound of that, but she was at a loss. There was no excuse and no protest—only the overwhelming urge to vomit. She nodded, queasy, and waited for Claire to lead the way (which she did without further verbal flagellation). 

Maya already thought her room was depressing, but entering it with the intention of receiving a smacked ass was, like, ten times worse. She scowled at her blank walls and her dumb bed and her stupid armless desk chair that Claire now took residence upon, and then Maya scowled at the floor because there was nowhere left for her hide. 

“Sit,” Claire ordered. Confused, Maya obeyed, propping on the edge of her bed. “I know today was a lot. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

The interaction would be comical if Maya wasn’t certain she was going to end the night roasted alive. She gawked at her AP, feeling more and more overstimulated by the second. No way Claire wanted a recap of her foolishness now. 

“Why don’t you just smack me?” Maya grumped. 

Claire scoffed. “Good girl for asking,” she praised sarcastically. “Where was this communication earlier, hmm?” 

Maya let her mouth drop open, sure her face would never return to a normal color. Her mind scrambled, searching for anything to say to put that moment behind them. 

“I’m… not good at communication,” she admitted, choking a bit around the words. “At all.” 

“I see that,” Claire said, not unkindly. She sighed. “Maya, all I’m asking is for you to tell me what happened and why.”

”Why does it matter?” Maya bemoaned. 

Claire leaned forward, her elbows coming to rest on her knees, and gave Maya a hard look. 

“Is there not a reason for your blatant disobedience? Are you bratting for attention? Did you need to feel the boundary?” 

Maya both shrunk and bristled from the words. There was a misfortunate, simplistic, ugly fucking reason. She was not bratting. Never had. 

“There is a reason,” Maya huffed. 

Claire waved her hands. “Share with the class.”

Maya shoved the toe of her shoe into the carpet, drawing an angry pattern. She was no longer tipsy (which was a disappointment), but she still smelled of musty arcade and dirty tokens. The situation reminded her of the vending machine fortune teller back at the gas station near home: a total scam and all you got was a weird smelling hand. Maya cast a baleful look that turned into acceptance the moment she met Claire’s eyes. 

“I was mad at you,” Maya whispered. 

Claire sank back in her seat. “Ok,” she nodded, biting the inside of her cheek. “Why?”

“It feels silly now.”

“It’s not silly if something is bothering you,” Claire shook her head. “What is it?” 

Maya reined in her anxiety as best she could. She counted as many seconds as she dared to keep Claire waiting and when she hit lucky number ten, she chose to unleash the mortifying truth.

“I don’t like sharing my location or any of my academic records through that TATL thing. It feels like a violation of my privacy,” Maya said, not with a shaky voice. She watched as a host of emotions crossed Claire’s face.

“Ok,” Claire responded, brows drawn. “But, you know it’s standard to share that information with the person you’ve signed an accountability contract with.”

Maya internally deflated. She knew this would happen. She knew her concerns would get ignored and shut away. Like always. 

“Fine,” Maya backtracked. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I can see where you’re coming from,” Claire rectified. “I’m just trying to get you to see where I’m coming from. It would look like I wasn’t doing my job if I weren’t listed on your records.”

Her job. Maya hadn’t even considered the fact that Claire was responsible for both of their actions in and outside of campus. She was being a complete self absorbed asshole who went and fucked off on her own just to what—prove to herself that she could? And look where that got her. 

When Maya managed to look Claire in the face again, she was shocked. The girl was a picture of true commiseration where Maya had expected anger and disappointment. Her eyes danced away from the girl, unsure of where to land; unsure of shedding appalling tears. 

“Let’s compromise,” Claire eventually said. “If you don’t get privacy, then I won’t keep mine. I’ll open my location and records through TATL as well. Does that sound fair?”

It was fair and entirely unexpected. Maya was stunned that someone had listened to her and made a change. This was brand new and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. 

“Um, yes,” she responded like an idiot. 

“Ok, good.” Claire gave her a half-smile. “Because I’m going to be completely honest here: your actions tonight have proved that you need close monitoring.”

Maya’s stomach felt like it curdled. How could someone be so sweet, yet so sharp at the same time? 

Apparently, she wasn’t done making bad decisions that night because her response to that comment was to offer a shrug. 

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “Here’s what I know: you told me you were going to a mixer. You read my text and ignored it. You have found a way to bypass TATL, which you’re going to share immediately. And to end, Yessy finds you at a bar. Alone. Fill in the gaps, please.”

Maya’s brain processed at a high rate of speed. One—she’d left her read receipts on like an amateur. Two—there was still a possibility Ron was in the clear. Three—somehow, none of them knew about Alex. And she wanted to keep it that way. 

“Now, Maya,” Claire ordered. “Or you can talk while you’re over my knee.”

Maya blanched and started spilling. She told Claire she never had any intention of going to the mixer in the first place (bad); she made it seem like the bar was spontaneous and that she’d only had one drink and wasn’t planning on getting another (not a lie); she owned up to the VPN (scary); she tried to explain her emotions and why she had ghosted Claire (yikes!). 

Maya said just about everything without mentioning Ron or Alex and she was exhausted and ashamed when she finally came to the end. Her rebrand into Sorrowful Sandy sucked ass. 

Claire took in the information with grace. She kept a passive expression even when Maya mentioned putting her phone on ‘Do Not Disturb.’ 

When all was said and done, Claire crooked a finger and pointed to the spot in front of her.

“Come here,” she ordered. Maya’s ears burned but she rose and obeyed, placing her feet as directed. “Do you still feel sick?”

Maya had told her about feeling nauseous. She just wanted the whole thing over so she lied and shook her no.

Claire raised an eyebrow. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” Maya croaked. 

“Ok, here’s what is going to happen. I’m gonna make you a sandwich and you’re gonna change and eat, ok?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Maya agreed even though she’d rather die than put anything in her body.  

“Good.” She gave Maya a long look. “Then, you’re getting a spanking. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” Maya whispered. It took every fiber in her being to stand still. 

“After that, we’ll reevaluate some rules and adjust accordingly. And then we’ll do something fun, alright?”

Can’t forget Claire’s aftercare routine. She was so not looking forward to that, but she had a whole beast to conquer before they even got to that part. Maya grit her teeth and nodded her assent. 

Claire left her to choose which set of sweatpants would be her emotional support for the next 24 hours and she changed, trying to scrub off the shame that stuck to her skin with a makeup wipe. Maya also needed to reapply deodorant because she had sweated an ungodly amount during the whole exchange. 

To make matters worse, Claire had made her the best sandwich she’d ever had in her life. She ate, feeling like doo doo on a stick, and cursed the sandwich overlord for blessing such a pretty, powerful woman with the ability to create pure heaven. 

Maya sighed. If she were getting this emotional over a fucking sandwich, she was about to be a trainwreck. Claire looked up when Maya finished.

“Go to your room, please,” she instructed.

Maya obeyed, each step feeling like she was sinking into quicksand. She stood awkwardly in the middle of her room, trying to decide which pose looked the most casual for an ass beating. She went with a chic ‘I am the most constipated I’ve ever felt’ look with a side of awkward limb. Catching sight of herself in the mirror that hung over her closet door, Maya attempted to hype herself up by mewing. It was cut short by Claire entering the room with pen and paper. 

Maya glared at such offensive things which were placed on her desk. Claire turned and gave her a look that was definitely trying to hide a smile. 

“That’s for later,” Claire gestured to the paper. Then, she crossed her arms and schooled her expression. “This is our first… disciplinary action, so I’ll give you the option. You can go over my knee or you can bend over the bed. Your choice.”

Maya blushed. She hated the way Claire talked through everything. 

“Bed,” she bit out. Claire gave a nod and then pointed a dreaded finger at the bed. 

Maya’s throat tightened but she did her best to ignore it and march forward, stopping when her hips hit the edge of the bed frame. She cast an uncertain glance over her shoulder and then unceremoniously lowered her front on top of the duvet. Bending over was such a horrendous feeling, the vulnerability of sticking out her butt going straight to the blood flow in her cheeks. She also had no clue what to do with her arms. 

The humiliation heightened as Claire stepped up behind her and tugged her pants and underwear down. Her AP wrapped an arm around Maya’s hip and rested the other hand on her thigh. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Claire asked. 

“The fuck am I supposed to do with my arms?” Maya retorted. 

The resounding slap to her thigh made her jump nearly out of position. It stung like the devil, and maybe Maya stomped her foot a bit to dissipate the remaining stingsting. 

“I am more than willing to pin them behind your back for you,” Claire said with her scary voice. “You had better be taking this seriously.”

“I am,” Maya whined. She didn’t like the way her voice made her sound all of about 6 years old. 

“Then tell me why we’re here.”

Maya took a deep, shaky breath. “I lied to you. I’m sorry.”

“You did,” Claire affirmed. 

The spanking started without further ado. Maya grabbed two fistfuls of sheets as the smacks began to burn into her, shocking her pain receptors into overdrive underneath Claire’s swift, calculated administration. 

The girl had a mean swing. Starting in the middle of Maya’s ass, she worked her way down to the top of the miscreant’s thighs, making sure to roast each spot three times over before moving on. Maya endured about five rounds of this on each cheek, before the lecture started. 

“I have been begging you to communicate with me, Maya. You hide. You dance away from interaction.” Dancing away was an accurate description because that was exactly what Maya was now doing, trying her damndest to stay still, and failing. She breathed heavily as Claire continued, “And today you took it one step further. You concealed information from me and lied about it.”

A sound of distress escaped Maya’s lips as Claire’s smacks became harder and thuddier, imparting her displeasure. 

“It hurts my feelings when instead of telling me you’re upset, you turn around and throw my trust back in my face.” A choke sounded between them. “And the worst part, Maya? I would’ve loved to go to the bar with you.”

Aw, fuck.

Tears welled up in her eyes much, much sooner than she anticipated. Maya felt like self righteous asshole of the year. She had been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she didn’t stop to consider others’. It was obvious to her now that she had been neglecting the other girl. 

Claire’s hand didn’t stop and didn’t hesitate, bringing with it wrath and reckoning that Maya hadn’t faced in a long time. Maya let her head drop into her duvet, masking the silent treks of tears beginning to spill over her traitorous inferior eyelid. 

There was a pause and Claire shifted behind her, propping some of her weight onto the bed and drawing Maya closer with the arm around her hip. 

“What else?”

“Huh?” Maya asked elegantly.

“You lied about where you were going,” Claire reiterated. “What else did you do that was naughty?”

Maya didn’t think it was possible to feel even more mortified but there she was: ass on fire, face on fire, pride in hell, and forced to think about the word naughty. 

“The stupid VPN,” she mourned. 

“Have to agree with you there. I understand your frustrations with the app but barring me from it is flat out disobedience to the rules we agreed on. If you have an issue with a rule again, what are you going to do?”

“Talk to you,” Maya whispered, hoping her tears weren’t obvious. 

Claire’s response was rapid succession slaps to the back of her thighs. Maya cried out with a strangled, “Ow!,” that she promptly cut off by biting her tongue. 

A come-to-Jesus smack on her inner left thigh disrupted all thought and breath, sending a wave of pain reverberating down her legs and drawing forth a gasp. 

“No ma’am,” Claire scolded harshly. “You may not hurt yourself. You do not get to hide from this. You’ve done your hiding. It’s time to own up.”

Maya released her tongue and unclenched her jaw and unclenched anything because she wanted Claire to know with her full heart that she was 100% owning up to this. Releasing all tension made the sting that much more potent and Maya cried freely, no longer caring.

“Good girl,” Claire praised her and then promptly continued to blister her thighs. 

Maya felt a fuzzy sort of feeling tempting to take over her brain but she forced it down and made herself focus on her huge fuck up. It wasn’t hard when your inner monologue consisted of “ow, ow, motherfucker, ow.”

“I want to make one thing clear,” Claire said as she directed her smacks back to the fleshiest part of Maya’s ass. “I am not upset that you went out. Drinking is not one of our rules and I’m not gonna make it one unless it turns into a problem.” Maya grunted under the weight of a few hearty smacks. “That being said, I am not thrilled that you went out alone. I don’t think that was a very good decision and I don’t want you to do that again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Maya responded, her breath hitching as she did so. 

A tiny inkling of guilt wormed its way inside her stomach when she thought about Alex. She hadn’t been alone at the bar, but she wasn’t quite ready to share that information. 

Would Claire think Alex had been reckless too?

Would Claire think Alex was a bad influence?

Would Claire not like Alex?

It was too risky. Alex had been such an amazing friend already and Maya wasn’t willing to put that on the line. 

Claire did a final, thorough smackdown for each cheek and thigh and then blissfully, blessedly stopped. The only sounds in the room now were that of small sniffles. 

Maya came to her senses once she realized the pretty girl behind her had a nice view of her bright red ass. She bolted upright and fixed her clothes, ignoring the way her sweatpants made her butt ten degrees hotter. She didn’t have to worry about what to do next because Claire captured her into a tight embrace. 

Maya startled at the sensation, but then relaxed a fraction. She discreetly wiped her nose on the girl’s shoulder for a bit of harmless revenge, and she found herself enjoying Claire’s smell—like tea and flowers mixed together. After a few quiet moments, Maya felt awkward again.

“Leeland said you’re a party pooper,” she tattled, just to say something.

“Did she?” Claire laughed, the action shaking them both. “Well, I’m sorry I pooped on your party.”

Maya straightened, pulling away. “No. I’m sorry. About everything.”

Claire reached out, tucking a loose strand of Maya’s hair behind her ear. “You’re forgiven.” She let the statement sit, filling the room with finality. “Now, go sit at your desk, please.”

It was a testament to the fact that Maya was so emotionally wrung out, she didn’t even wince when she plopped down, despite feeling like someone had lit a fire underneath her. Said fire lighter came over and wrote something down on the piece of paper that lay on top of the desk. Maya read.

Clause 7 - TATL adjustment - Claire will share her connection in return. 

Maya stared at the words as Claire drew a line underneath them. She was still shocked her AP had listened to her and was now following up on her words. 

“I want you to write down what went wrong tonight in regards to communication. And then I want you to provide some examples of how to fix it so that it doesn’t happen in the future.”

Maya took the pen, wanting to feel grumpy, but really, she just ended up feeling resigned. The burn in her ass was a great motivator (who knew!) for finishing the task quickly. She scribbled her misdemeanors and offered solutions, which, for the most part, just required ‘don’t be a dick in the future.’ 

Claire looked it over and approved it. They chose to add a new rule of ‘No ghosting,’ and updated the cork board above Maya’s desk. Maya sighed. In just two days, she’d managed to get herself spanked and added two new rules to her repertoire. And both days were ending here—with her glaring at her cork board.

Maya caught sight of Claire out of the corner of her eye. The girl was downright cheerful, barely containing her excitement and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Maya frowned. 

“What?” She asked.

”Do you remember what we discussed for our aftercare routine?”

”We would do something fun together,” Maya grumbled. She shifted anxiously, the movement causing pain to shoot through her sore ass. She was not in the mood for ‘fun.’

”To the living room!” Claire announced. 

Maya had no choice but to follow. She watched, weary and wary as Claire hooked up the old Wii to the TV and held out a controller. 

“What’s with you people and games?”

”It is a great bonding device!” Claire defended. 

“So is rope,” Maya deadpanned. 

“Oh. Are you into that?”

”Of the noose variety.”

”So, choking?” Claire raised an eyebrow. Maya flushed. 

“I’m not gonna battle wits with you.”

“Good. Cause you’ll lose,” Claire smiled sweetly. “Now, take the damn controller.”

Maya took the damn controller. 

She thought she was about to endure a few annoying rounds of Mario Kart but what Claire pulled out was much, much more horrifying. 

“I am not doing that,” Maya said, aghast. 

“Too bad. Maybe next time you’ll actually give input on how you’d like this to go,” Claire told. “In the meantime, you’re fucking dancing with me.”

Maya was dissociating at the start screen for ABBA: YOU CAN DANCE. Claire had just demolished her ass and was now expecting her to dance to the lyrics, “Gimme a man after midnight.” Double insult. 

“If you want me to beg, I will,” Maya nearly shouted. “I’m not doing this!”

Claire just smirked. “That’s ok, honey. I’ll go first.”

Somehow, when Maya had been at the bar and Alex would call her “honey” and “babes,” it felt endearing and nice, but now when Claire said it, Maya just felt downright horny. 

She turned away from the girl with wide eyes and a whispered “what the fuck,” underneath her breath. 

Maya was a good sport, and she watched Claire dance (and it was kinda cute). She dreaded the song ending because it meant that it was now time for her to dance. Claire turned to her, flushed and happy, a stark difference from where they had started the night. Maya’s heart ached a little. 

“Come on! Let’s choose a duet,” Claire beamed. 

Maya allowed it. They danced to Does Your Mother Know?, and Maya kind of enjoyed herself even if her ass twinged every time she moved. She got lucky because Claire had gone back to dancing alone when they were interrupted. 

Yessy and Leeland were back—Leeland properly sloshed. The brat was being supported by her girlfriend, the latter thoroughly amused. 

“Oooooo, are we dancing?!” Leeland squealed upon entering. She launched herself away from Yessy and took her spot in front of the TV, ready to put on a show. 

Maya avoided their eyes. They knew what had happened after Maya was dropped off. Leeland may be off her face, but Yessy was sober and Maya was not going to look in her direction. She curled in on herself, trying to seem inconspicuous, and it worked. Everyone left her alone and when the three of them got caught up in some song, Maya slipped away to her bedroom for some peace and quiet. 

Maya covered her cork board with a t-shirt, not wanting to think about anything that had happened that night. She grabbed her vape and tucked herself in the corner away from the door. It was impossible to keep all the bad thoughts out, but Maya did her best, the slight high taking the edge off. Funnily enough, the high felt similar to how she had been feeling just before the spanking ended. Maya pushed that away. 

Just when she had finished and packed away, and not a moment too soon, Claire came into her room. 

“Are you ok?” Claire asked, eyes full of worry. 

Maya thought that was rich coming from her but she feigned politeness, and she nodded and smiled. 

“Yeah, all good.”

Claire pursed her lips. “Ok. I think it’s time for bed.”

“Yeah,” Maya agreed. 

It was awkward, brushing her teeth while Claire looked like a worried mother hen behind her, but Maya carried on, her stress having melted away during her session. She even put herself in bed (on her stomach) while Claire looked on.

“Alright, well,” Maya said clumsily, “goodnight?”

“Do you need anything?”

“No?”

“Ok,” Claire sighed. She moved in close to the bed and hovered over Maya. “You know I’m not mad at you, right? Actually, I’m very proud of the way you handled things.”

Maya’s stomach rolled. “I know,” she whispered.

“Good.” Claire smiled. “Next time you can choose the ‘something fun.’”

“There won’t be a next time,” Maya snapped. She vouched to herself to never make Claire spank her again. Or hurt her feelings. Or cause anyone stress. 

“Right.” Claire reached out a hand to play with Maya’s hair. “Well, it’ll be ok if there is.”

Maya hid her face as tears welled up again. She didn’t think she could cry so easily, but then again, she never would’ve imagined getting herself in trouble so soon. 

“Sounds good,” Maya responded.

Claire snorted. 

“Goodnight, Maya.”

***

Someone was playing Phantom of the Opera. Or, at least, that’s what Maya pictured as she made her way to the disgraceful café. 

Leeland had woken her up early and asked Maya to accompany her to Roasted Asspresso. Maya tried to say no but Leeland had plucked her out of the bed like a kitten and said that she had no choice. 

Maya regretfully got ready, but she was suspicious because it didn’t seem like Leeland wanted to be awake anymore than she did. The girl was sporting a nasty hangover, bundled in her comfort hoodie even though it was 80 degrees outside at 7 in the morning. The coffee shop loomed overhead, and with it, Ron.

“Where’s your other head?” Ron called to her. 

“I beg your pardon?” Maya asked as they got closer. 

“You’re pardoned,” Ron smirked. “Claire let you off your leash?”

Maya blushed. “I do not have a leash.”

“Lucky. I had to sneak away to get here.”

Maya looked between Leeland and Ron, confused. “Why are you sneaking? What’s going on?”

Ron raised an eyebrow at Leeland who just sighed. 

“Coffee first.”

Maya settled in a booth a short while later, latte in hand. She had no idea why she was being drug out of bed by these brats when one was hungover and the other was breaking rules just to be here. Leeland and Ron took their respective places across from her. 

“So,” Ron started, “how was your night?”

Maya took a big gulp of her drink. “It was fine.”

“Well, mine sucked. Got the paddle,” Ron said nonchalantly. 

Maya’s eyes widened. She hadn’t told anyone about how she got the VPN. She looked to Leeland for help and found none. 

“What? Why?”

Ron looked sheepish. “Well. Claire called me at the mixer. I’m sorry, I gave in.”

Oh. Claire hadn’t mentioned Ron at all last night. 

“You did? What did you say?”

“I just said that you took off. Nothing else,” Ron said quickly. “But Kat wasn’t too pleased with me after that.”

Maya shifted, remembering how pleased Claire had been. “Yeah. Same.”

“Was she super clingy after? She always is,” Ron chuckled. 

Leeland snorted as well—the only sound she’d made since entering the café. Maya frowned, not wanting to think about how they both knew that, and she also did not want to be discussing details of her… interaction with Claire. Leeland was giving her a look she couldn’t decipher. 

“What happened after class yesterday?” Leeland suddenly asked. Maya balked, remembering that god awful class. 

“Nothing. Blew off some steam.”

Leeland scoffed. “Yeah, they’re 100% right about you.”

“Excuse me?” Maya asked, disoriented at the change in conversation.

“You’re suppressing yourself.”

Maya sat still, unsure of just what the hell Leeland was getting at. Someone had been talking about her; three guesses who. Her roommates had been talking behind her back. 

“Is that what you all think?” Maya asked dangerously. “You wait till I go to sleep to talk about how much my personality sucks?”

“It doesn’t suck,” Leeland backtracked, rubbing a hand over her forehead. “You aren’t being communicative, even when Claire just beat your ass about it.”

Ron quietly sipped his tea as the roommates threw words at each other. Maya felt her body go both hot and cold at the same time, a deep anger welling up from inside a place of hurt.  

“Keep my name out of your mouth,” Maya snarled. 

Leeland pouted. Full on crossed arms, furrowed brow, puckered lips pouted. Maya watched her in disbelief.

“What’s your problem?” Leeland whined. “You just need to let loose and brat a little.”

A flash of pain shot down from the top of Maya’s neck to her tailbone. She sat up rigidly, wishing it away. 

“I do not do that,” she seethed.

“You could.”

“Fuck off.” Maya stood up to leave, but a moment of weakness drew her back to the table, and with it a whole host of repeated, untrue, angry words. “Bratting is just your way of getting the attention you were denied in childhood. It is not harmless and you burden others when you do it. You people just take and take until your doms give out.”

Maya heard herself speaking but inside, her brain was screaming. She saw the way the words landed. She saw Leeland’s eyes. 

She turned and left.

Chapter Text

The library had the distinct smell of water damage mixed with coffee. Maya couldn’t decide whether it was good or bad, but she did know one thing for sure—she loved the place. There were so many places to hide and tuck into a book. This was her new favorite pastime, given now that her dorm was labeled an ‘unsafe’ zone. 

Maya never knew when Leeland would be in the dorm, and she was always looking over her shoulder. It wasn’t that Leeland kept tabs on Maya; her roommate now avoided her like the plague, and Maya preferred it that way; it was that Maya could hardly bear the shame that took over her senses every time she saw the girl. 

Those terrible words she’d said had been thrown in her own face back when she had received her Designation results at Pinchton. Maya couldn’t believe she had the gall to hurt someone else using the same terms.

To make matters more interesting, Maya was trying to juggle with keeping her AP happy. She had found out during her disciplinary action that she had been neglecting Claire’s dynamic relationship. Maya wasn’t perfect and her communication skills were the worst offender, but she was trying to be better and, god, she sucked at it. 

Maya kept having to sneak away to vape, and she kept telling Claire she was, “going to talk to her mom,” during those sessions. It was shitty to lie like that, but Maya was having intense stress pain spasms and she really needed to take care of herself in the ways she was able. 

It was a hard balance, but Maya found that if she just sent a few texts a day about what she was doing and where she was headed, Claire seemed satisfied. She also found out, however, that New England pod prices were way higher than those at home. She very well couldn’t use her grant money to supply her addiction, so Maya found herself in need of a job. Again. 

Maya wasn’t inclined to return to the 7/11, so she headed to the library to look for job postings on the large board they hosted in the front hall. She skimmed, noticing that most jobs were on campus which might be helpful, but she had greater risk of running into Leeland that way. There were a few listings for off-campus jobs, and Maya grabbed a tear-off tab from each one. 

“Hey, you ready?”

The question was cheery and Maya turned to find Laura, one of the people from her research group. She nodded, stuffing the tabs into her pocket. 

It was Friday which meant she had a two-hour time slot allotted to contribute towards hours spent on the research grant. Maya had been paired with Laura to collect primary data, which, in this case, meant interviewing couples who practice a discipline dynamic. Maya was nervous. She had never conducted an interview before, and she was very grateful Laura was taking the lead.

“How’s your week been?” Laura made small talk as she led them up the stairs.

“Um, good,” Maya replied. They wandered up to the third floor where there were private, soundproof rooms. It didn’t take imagination to know what those were typically used for. 

“Yeah? Is RBU living up to your expectations?”

Maya considered the question with guarded emotion. RBU, the school, was demanding. The Designation course had been mellow the second time around: they had received a lecture on how the test works and its shortcomings; Maya had written down a lot of information. On the other hand, RBU, the people, had been giving her a run for her money. She was sort of making friendships for the first time in her life while also simultaneously setting them on fire with her stellar personality. 

“I’m not really sure what my expectations are. It’s different here. Like relaxed and complicated at the same time,” Maya replied. 

“That’s an accurate assessment,” Laura chuckled. “In fact, that wording will come in handy for the research we’re doing. Did you get a chance to look over the questions?”

”Yes,” Maya nodded diligently.

Laura unlocked a large private room near the stairwell and began to unpack the interview setup. Maya, useless as ever, hovered near the door, and tried not to stare at the peg board of hanging implements that sat so helpfully on the wall. Laura did not comment but she did raise an eyebrow and that’s when Maya decided she would look a lot less stupid if she just sat down. 

“Have you ever interviewed someone before?” Laura asked after a silent moment. 

“No.” Maya swallowed and rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans. 

Laura side-eyed her. “Alright, no worries. I will handle everything—you just sit there and take notes.”

”Perfect.”

Except nothing was perfect, because who else would walk in except for Maya’s karmic retribution in the form of Ron and his domme, Kat. Maya experienced a brief spell of heartburn while her soul left her body. Last time she had spoken to Ron was at the coffee shop and what she’d said to Leeland, she had also implied to him. Opposite, Kat had last bore witness to the email debacle on the soccer field. And they were both good friends of her roommates. Maya closed her eyes for a second, breathing like a pro, and then put on her ‘people’ mask, forcing a tentative smile and standing as Laura stood. 

Ron’s eyes flickered over her in a way that sent chills down Maya’s spine. She had hurt him and his resentment was written all over his face. She cringed as Laura introduced the both of them and Kat’s eyes lit up in recognition. 

“Hi, Maya!” Kat smiled like Maya hadn’t literally verbally assaulted her boyfriend a few short days ago. 

“Hi,” Maya responded, shyly. 

“You know each other?” Laura asked. Maya said nothing but it didn’t matter because Kat was the talkative type. 

“Yeah she’s the AP of one of my good friends!” Kat said enthusiastically like Maya was somebody to be enthusiastic about. 

Maya frowned at the description and avoided everyone’s eyes as she sat back down, nose to notebook. She hoped the interview wouldn’t be long. 

“I’m Katherine and this is Ron,” Kat gestured as they each took their seats. “We’ve been together for about two years now.”

”Oh, perfect,” Laura said. “You already know my first question.”

Maya rolled her eyes and wrote down ‘two years.’ She wanted this whole thing over with as soon as fucking possible. 

Laura asked them to describe their relationship and Kat launched into an explanation about high school sweethearts who discovered RBU separately. She spoke about Ron being nervous to share his findings and then the relief when Kat shared the same feelings. Maya actually did find their relationship intriguing but kept getting distracted every time she accidentally made eye contact with Ron.

One such time occurred, and Maya lost her train of thought as Kat said “…but sharing was extremely difficult.”

Maya must’ve looked confused because Ron chimed in. 

“Yeah, I didn’t have the best AP experience.”

Laura nodded, not having gotten lost in the conversation. “That happens with a lot of freshmen couples. It’s why we have ‘The Darren Policy.’ Did you choose to invoke that?”

”Yes, we did,” Kat nodded solemnly. 

Maya wrote down ‘The Darren Policy,’ wanting to research it immediately but was instead forced to play catch up on the task at hand. She could relate to Ron’s words, and a sharp spike of sympathy went through her chest. 

“How did that affect your relationship?” Laura pressed on.

”I think it strengthened it,” responded Kat. She looked to Ron for affirmation. 

“It put us through the wringer,” Ron said sardonically, “but, yeah, it ended up strengthening what we already knew we had.” He cast a glance in Maya’s direction who was now subconsciously picking at a thread on her fraying pants. The uncomfortable tightness that had settled in her chest at the sight of Ron now worsened. Her hands itched with the need for a hit. 

“So you would say you’ve had to overcome some struggles in your relationship?” Laura asked. 

“Yes, definitely.”

“Does problem-solving ever come into play in your dynamic?” 

“All the time,” Kat laughed. “We deal with a lot of life stuff—Ron’s a busy guy. Our problem solving usually involves moving the schedule around. We’ve had to pencil-in a spanking before.”

This, for some reason, had everyone laughing. Maya watched them in mortification, cruelly thinking about Claire writing down ‘Spank Maya’ on her calendar. Or worse, their TATL shared calendar. Ron caught her eye and winked. Maya didn’t have time to interpret that message as Laura moved on at the speed of light. 

“Do you consider your day-to-day schedule to be something separate from your dynamic?” 

“Hm. Good question,” Kat considered. “I would say when we’re here at RBU, there isn’t much difference as we have a lot of rules about school and school work, but when we’re not on term, our social schedule tends to feel separate from our dynamic relationship.” 

Laura nodded. “And you, Ron?”

Ron shifted in his seat. “I don’t really see it as separate. She’s in charge of my schedule so I view it as something to be respected within our dynamic.” 

Maya tensed at the disagreement but she seemed to be the only one because the rest of them just continued the interview like normal. She even watched in amazement as Kat reached over to grasp Ron’s hand. 

Maya forced herself to pay attention and take notes even though it was becoming slightly unbearable with every good-natured response. She currently felt like she was window shopping for a healthy relationship and coming up with a vape instead. She almost got it out of her bag when Ron answered the question, “What does relationship balance look like to you?”

“I’m not sure about looks but I can tell you what it feels like,” he started. “It’s like having reassurance on all sides of the fence. Sometimes we have to take a step back from the dynamic and have a breather and that’s ok because we’re still us when we do it. It doesn’t ever feel like giving something up—it feels like resetting the record when it’s finished.” 

Maya stared at the boy, and they allowed each other to make eye contact for longer than five seconds. She didn’t know Ron was the king of metaphors and she should be bowing down. 

Laura commandeered the session once more.

“Thank you both for your input and sharing your experience with us. If you enjoyed this and would like to participate in the clinical trial of our study, I can get you set up. It’s focused on implementing different balance techniques in established relationships.”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” Kat encouraged. 

Maya had a different opinion on what “fun” was, but she kept her mouth shut and didn’t say another word except for “goodbye.”

Laura turned to her after the couple left. 

“How was that? Got any questions?”

Maya skimmed her notes. “Yes. I’m not familiar with ‘The Darren Policy.’” Laura just nodded like she expected this.

“Yes, it’s an RBU policy. It’s fairly recent—I think eight years ago, maybe? I’ll get you the research information.”

Laura led her down to the information desk where the employees gathered a few articles and an RBU policy handbook. Maya wanted to be on her own after that, but Laura was insistent on walking her outside. 

“It might be helpful to you to do a legal search on RBU. We’ve been quite controversial in the Ivory League community,” Laura said conversationally. “Exciting stuff. Have you gotten to do clinicals yet?”

“Um, no,” Maya fumbled. “I’m still just a sophomore.”

Laura paused by the curb like she was waiting for something. 

“It might be extra work but you look like you don’t crack under pressure easily. Of course,” Laura said, her eyes moving to Maya’s pocket, “if you get a job, that might make things harder. Have you discussed it with your advisor?”

Maya’s hand brushed over the tear-off tabs crumpled into her pocket. She hadn’t intentionally hid them but now she felt like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Maya went to shrug but stopped halfway through as a car pulled up to the curb. A car she recognized and had even been inside. 

Alex rolled down the window. 

“Hey, hot stuff,” Alex called. “Long time no see.”

“I’ve been busy,” Maya flushed. She had texted Alex exactly one time since leaving the bar and it had been after Claire had handed her her ass. 

It had gone something like:

Alex: Signs of life?

Maya: Life. 

“Yeah, I bet. Whatcha been up to?”

Laura stepped up and got in their passenger seat. She seemed unfazed by their interaction which led Maya to draw the embarrassing conclusion that they had spoken about her. And Laura hadn’t said shit. And how did they know each other?

“She’s looking for a job,” Laura interjected. Maya narrowed her eyes.

“Oooooo,” Alex intoned, “come work with me at the bowling alley! Half-price arcade!”

Maya worried her lip and looked around her surroundings self-consciously, suddenly aware that they were having a rather public discussion. A bowling alley just screamed ‘Alex,’ but she wasn’t sure it screamed ‘Maya.’ Then again, Maya could use more friends who didn’t secretly hate her. 

“Sounds like fun,” She said, more towards the curb than to the car. 

“Alright. I’ll put in a word for you!” Alex shouted and then they drove off, leaving Maya to wonder (for the millionth time that week) what the hell she had gotten herself into. 

She felt a presence by her shoulder. Maya turned, half-expecting Claire to appear as she often pictured her AP stalking her every move, but she was surprised to find Ron. 

“Lee mentioned you were here on research grant,” he commented. “I didn’t know it was that one.” Maya blinked at him. She had no clue why he was being so nice. Ron must’ve hated the awkward silence because he filled the space again. “I can drive you to the bowling alley if you want.”

“Why…,” Maya cleared her throat, “why would you do that?”

“I’d do it for any of my friends,” he said plainly. 

Maya crossed her arms. “Why would you do it for me?”

“I want to be your friend, Maya,” Ron sighed. “We all do.”

Maya scrunched her nose. “Even after… what I said?”

“We all say things we regret sometimes.” Ron put his hands in his pockets and turned his body towards hers. “Leeland knows that too.”

Maya tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She still wasn’t brave enough to look him head-on but Maya glanced in the general direction of Ron’s nose. His nose looked sincere enough. 

“Yeah, I just—I don’t want to smooth things over with an apology. I don’t think I can, anyways. What I said wasn’t right—don’t get me wrong. It’s just. There’s a reason I said them, you know? I can’t move forward as friends if you don’t know that reason.”

To her utter dismay, she found Ron smiling after her egregious confession. 

“I understand,” Ron nodded. “You have to throw a punch first to be heard.”

Maya frowned; she didn’t think that’s what she’d been trying to convey. 

“I don’t expect to be heard,” she muttered. “Never mind. In fact, never listen to me again. I just say bullshit.” 

“Your ideals on brats are bullshit, yes,” Ron teased. “Your reason for speaking still matters. What did you actually want us to know?”

The afternoon had gone from one exposing question to the next with no end in sight. Maya was thirsty and her nerves were shot, turning her into the most annoying version of herself. She needed to vape, which meant she needed to get the fuck off campus.

“I need a job,” Maya told him.

“Sounds like you need a ride.”

***

Ron’s 2002 Crown Victoria squeaked every time he turned the wheel. An ominous noise sounded as he put the car in reverse. To top it off, they were sitting on an old leather bench seat, giving Maya the odd sensation of riding the boat ride at Six Flags. 

Maya wasn’t one to judge others based on possessions, but her chances of dying were much higher when sat in the Crown Vic. She gripped the edge of her seat and prayed that Ron’s driving skills were better than the car’s performance. To make things slightly more interesting, they pulled up to the sketchiest building in the entire town—a barely labeled blank brick building with 2 cars in the entire parking lot.

“What the hell,” Maya whispered. “Nah. Just take me home.”

Ron laughed at her. “It just looks like this because it's daytime. It’s totally fine.”

”I don’t know a single damn thing about bowling.”

”You don’t have to know anything to pass out communal shoes,” Ron tutted. He unbuckled his seat without a further care in the world and strode outside like he owned the place. 

Maya figured things could be worse. Like 7/11. Like the graveyard shift at 7/11. She unbuckled and followed him inside. 

The only person in the building was a goth teenager who sat on their phone behind the counter. He really didn’t look like he wanted to be there which proved promising to the potential employee. Maya grappled inside her pocket, searching for the right tab and eventually finding the one for the bowling alley. 

“Hello,” she greeted timidly and brandished the tab, “um, help wanted?”

The teen blinked blearily at them. “I’ll go get Jeffrey.”

Jeffery was the tallest man Maya had ever seen and he was rocking an unfortunate buzz cut that did not fit his face shape whatsoever. He also ran the bowling alley like the damn Navy. In the span of 20 minutes, Maya had been shown every inch of the place and been given a rundown on the ‘correct bowling terminology.’ 

Maya was really starting to regret all of her choices until they made it to the arcade and she saw what Alex meant. The back wall was entirely dedicated to a row of Skee-Ball machines. Neither two were alike, decorated in different era styles. She eyed the one that was a tribute to Mattel’s original Barbie. 

“Interesting collection,” Maya mused. 

“Yes, it’s quite the collection. I buy and refurbish the machines on the side,” Jeffery related. 

“I see why Alex works here.”

“Oh, you know Alex?” Jeffery’s whole mood shifted. Maya nodded, suddenly afraid. “I’ll hire you on the spot. When can you start?”

“Uhh,” Maya cast a glance back at the front entrance where Ron was lounging. “I can work evenings?”

“Great. I need someone to run the arcade. There’s always little shits running around and breaking my machines.”

Maya couldn’t believe herself.

What was she doing? And why the hell was she doing it?

She waited in a trance as Jeffery went and got ‘papers’ from the back. She had never worked in an arcade in a bowling alley before. In the sketchiest part of town. In a barely labeled building. The gas station had been worse, yes, but at least she knew everyone who would come in. And she had been allowed to carry on the premises.

When Jeffery came back, she had the question ready.

“Do you permit concealed carry here?”

Jeffery’s eyes widened in surprise but Maya saw the moment his surprise turned to interest. 

“If you bring in your forms I can put it on record. I have no issue with it,” he said. Then, after a beat, “We don’t typically have problems around here.”

Maya found that hard to believe but she humored him, and they made their way back to the front reception where the goth teen seemed to be trapped in perpetual sorrow. He was wiping down the counters with no source of energy anywhere and gave a grumpy frown at their approach.

“Can I leave?” 

“Ezra, what a wonderful job you’re doing cleaning the counters,” Jeffery said, nostrils flaring. 

Maya had no clue what to make of the interaction but she did wonder what a teenager was doing in a bowling alley during school hours. Ezra huffed and stuck his headphones back in his ears, haphazardly waving his wipe around. 

“We have a great team here,” Jeffery offered with a tight smile, “I can’t wait to have you join us. Please bring back all of your forms as soon as possible.”

Maya shared a look with Ron and they left hastily, all awkward exchanges and misplaced words behind them. 

“That place is creepy in the off hours,” Ron observed. 

“You said it was totally fine!”

“I was being supportive!”

“Don’t be supportive!” Maya snapped. “Tell me. Is it a really stupid idea to work here?”

“Maybe,” Ron shrugged.

“Then I’m gonna do it.”

“What? Why would you ask me?” Ron laughed as he stopped to check his phone. “Oh, hey. You should check your messages.”

Maya gave him a questioning look but checked her phone to find Claire had texted her several times asking about the interview and what her plans were for the night. 

“Ugh,” Maya groaned. Ron raised his eyebrows.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Maya blurted. At Ron’s expression, she checked herself. “It’s just—Claire’s a bit…clingy.”

“Yeah,” Ron nodded fondly. “She is.”

Not for the first time, Maya felt a little excluded from the friend group. She wasn’t technically a part of the group but when everyone knew her AP better than she did, it felt awkward to complain or talk about Claire around them. Furthermore, Maya never knew if she was gonna hurt someone’s feelings by saying something bad about their friends. 

“Ah. Ok,” she responded stiffly. 

Ron gave her a long look and then got in his driver's seat, locking the car behind him, and rolling down the passenger seat window just a crack. Maya pulled on the passenger door indignantly.

“Hey,” she exclaimed.

“No, you’re not allowed back into the car until you start talking,” Ron told her.

“What?!”

“Yeah, come on. Three things,” Ron held up his fingers, “one—you said we can’t move forward as friends unless I know your reasons, so spill it. Two—why are you taking a job at the bowling alley? And Three—why did you just shut down when I said Claire is clingy?”

“Ron! I think it’ll take me 5 years to answer all that!”

“Don’t you wish you had some A.C. right now?” Ron asked teasingly.

“You brat! Fine,” Maya crossed her arms. “I said what I said in the coffee shop to purposely hurt Leeland. I knew those words would hurt. I just wanted her to back off.”

Ron gave her a sad look. “You knew those words would hurt because you’ve been told them.”

Maya’s insides recoiled at the vulnerability but she forced herself to nod. “Yes.”

“You know it’s not true? You don’t burden people when you brat.”

“I know that,” Maya said tightly.

“Do you believe it?”

It was there, in the bowling alley parking lot, Maya dissociated. She could feel beads of sweat gathering on her neck underneath the burning hot sun and was starting to wonder how long it would take to just walk back to campus. Sometime later, she remembered to shrug. 

“Ok,” Ron sighed and unlocked the car. Maya got in, the blast of air chilling her sweat. “I get it,” Ron replied again. “I still want to be your friend if you’ll have me.”

“Is there a contract for that too?”

“Smartass,” Ron quipped. “I still want answers for the other two things.”

“Bite me.”

“That’s not beneath me. Why the bowling alley?”

“Did you see the Skee-Ball machines?”

“Ok, that makes total sense,” Ron said sarcastically. “Skee-Ball machines. And why did you freeze when I said Claire’s clingy?”

“I wasn’t freezing about that,” Maya rolled her eyes. “I was thinking in my head about how well you all know each other.”

“Hm.” Ron put the car in reverse. “You could know us too.”

Maya gathered her hair to hold it up off her neck and mulled the words over as Ron drove her back to the dorms. If every friendship required her to spill her guts, she didn’t think she would make very many. Ron had to threaten her with heat exhaustion. 

Maya decided to deflect.

“Leeland does not want to be my friend.”

“That’s your own fault,” Ron said point-blank. “Make it right. She’s a very forgiving person.”

Maya sighed. “I’ll try.”

After the atrocious thought sharing, Maya was left feeling like a damp paper towel squeezed out into the seats of a 2002 Crown Vic. She was certainly as useless as one, anyways. She did vow to herself to actually try but “making things right” was never as easy as anyone said it was; though, she supposed maybe she should stop avoiding Leeland. 

Ron dropped her off at her dorm, where Maya made her way inside, lost in her thoughts. She would have to get Leeland on her own which would be difficult because the girl was always with somebody or doing something. 

Maya trudged through the door, ignoring everything and making a beeline for her room. She needed to sneak in a few hits because she had forgotten to while she was off campus and it was becoming clear that she wouldn’t be able to stay sober for much longer. She got exactly one puff before her door was opened. Thank god the person knocked first and Maya had just the right amount of milliseconds to chuck her vape across the room. 

To the surprise of literally no one ever, Claire entered her room and shut the door behind her. 

“Hey,” Claire said, in a not-so-casual tone.

“Hey?”

“You read my text and didn’t answer me.” Claire punted the sentence.

Shit. She had ghosted her.

“Oh my god. I completely forgot,” Maya exclaimed. “I saw it, I just got distracted! I was with Ron…”

“Yeah, I know. He texted me.”

“Ok…,” Maya felt like she was talking to a wall. “Um, are you upset?”

Maya didn’t think she could handle it if she had to face a punishment. She didn’t even know how she managed to break a rule without thinking about it. That was not like her. 

“No, I’m not upset,” Claire shook her head. “He mentioned you were feeling overwhelmed. Are you ok?”

Maya tried not to show her emotions on her face and promptly failed. Why did everyone on the godforsaken campus keep talking about her and her feelings? She forced herself to relax and to remember her vow of making things right. 

“I am overwhelmed,” Maya said, maybe with a touch of drama. The clouds parted and an unwilling spotlight settled over her. “The interview was stressful. And I think I just got a job at the bowling alley?”

Claire took a seat on the bed but Maya remained rooted to the spot, hoping wherever the vape landed, it was well out of sight. 

“Did you consult your advisor first? You are taking 16 hours and I know your research grant has hours on it too.”

Maya drew her eyebrows together. “What? My schedule? Yeah, that’s totally fine.”

“Your schedule isn’t overwhelming you?” Claire gave a disbelieving look. 

“I’m overwhelmed with social things,” Maya caught herself over-explaining and cut off the confession with a guilty glance. She couldn’t interpret Claire’s face and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Eventually, Claire responded.

“How about we take it easy this weekend? Stay in the dorm and just be present?” She suggested.

Maya couldn’t say no when her AP was trying so hard. In reality, Maya had been planning to go get a full-time shift for the next two days but maybe Claire was right and if she stayed in the dorm, she’d have a chance to catch Leeland alone. 

“That sounds nice,” Maya lied. “I can manage that,” she truthed. 

“Ok,” Claire smiled. “Have you checked your email today?”

The universe just couldn’t let her win.

“No,” Maya huffed.

“Alright,” Claire laughed. “Do you want me to check it for you?”

Maya could tell the girl no, but she knew that would look like shutting down potential communication, so she took a leap of faith. 

“Yeah, sure.”

Claire looked weirdly happy for someone who was just tasked with checking emails. While she did so, Maya checked her peripherals to see if the vape had landed out of sight. Luck was never on her side. 

The situation would be really funny if it didn’t mean imminent death. The vape was literally just laying on the ground next to her desk chair. Maya moved slowly and did some soul searching on subtlety, coming up empty. 

She kicked her foot out right as Claire said “Ok!”

Maya whipped her head around as the vape found a hiding spot. “Ok?”

“Laura sent you the interview notes, you have a cog. psych assignment due Sunday night, and a meeting with your advisor scheduled for Monday afternoon.”

“Meeting with Dr. Whippet?” Maya challenged. “Why?”

“It says it’s a ‘Start of the Year Check-in,’” Claire explained. “We’re both wanted at this appointment.”

Maya scowled. She did not need her AP to attend an academic advising appointment. Nor did she need the check-in so soon after school started. 

“Ok. At what time?” Maya asked in order to lead Claire’s attention away from her annoyance. 

“Noon on the dot.”

Maya wrote the appointment on her schedule, a plan hatching in her mind. She did not want to attend another meeting. She could not afford to get caught so easily this time. 

“Anything else?” She asked lightly.

“That’s all,” Claire affirmed. “Do you feel comfortable with all of that?”

“Yes,” Maya lied. “I got it.” 

Claire cocked her head, observing the girl before her. Maya shrank from the unfiltered observation. She was starting to feel like with everything she ‘made right,’ she turned around a fucked up a different thing, each one worst than the last. 

“Come hang out with me,” Claire spouted. “Please? Anything. Study or watch tv or there’s always ABBA.”

They both shared a laugh at that—Maya surprising herself. There were worse things she could be doing, after all. She was shocked Claire wanted to hang out with her after she had been so annoying. And was planning on being annoying yet. 

Maya hesitantly accepted the offer. It was the third time in an afternoon that she found herself unable to say “no” to Claire. She wagered that it wouldn’t be the last. 

Chapter Text

Maya hadn’t meant to snoop. It hadn’t been her first intention, anyways. 

Less than 24 hours into Claire’s relaxation mandate, Maya was going slightly crazy. It really wasn’t her fault when she found herself alone in Yessy and Leeland’s shared bedroom.

The room was double the size of hers: two twin mattresses pushed together in the middle, two wooden desks on opposite sides of the room, and two built-in wardrobes. Maya could tell which side was Leeland’s in an instant—clothes littered the floor alongside seven different pairs of sneakers. Her side was also entirely covered in photos, baseboard to ceiling. 

Yessy’s side was more organized. She came off as a classic type A, and this idea was accentuated by the fact that she had a whole shelf of trophies and medals. Maya got on her tiptoes to read one; apparently, Yessy was a swimmer and a good one at that. 

The front door to their dorm opened, and Maya froze. She knew Claire was in her room so either her AP was going out, or one of her other roommates was entering. 

And she was still in their room. 

Maya panicked, undecided on whether to run or hide, so she ended up standing stock-still like an idiot. One sentiment: thank God she hadn’t closed the door behind her. Yessy came into the room and halted at the sight of the intruder. She was carrying a large box and an annoyed expression already in place. 

Maya cringed. Out of her three roommates, she had interacted with and knew Yessy the least. The only things she knew about her involved the amalgamation of items Maya had just found in the bedroom, and of course, the unfortunate experience of riding in the backseat of the girl’s Chevy Tahoe. 

Maya gathered her wits and got the first word in before Yessy could start interrogating. 

“Oh, hi. I’m looking for Leeland,” Maya explained. 

“Hi,” Yessy answered rather shortly and plopped the box on the bed with a ka-flump.

Maya didn’t need to be told. “Right. Sorry.” 

She hastened to make an awkward exit but was stopped short by Yessy’s continued conversation. 

“Lee is out with her Nonna.” 

“Erm, ok,” Maya acknowledged. “I can just send her a text, but thanks.” 

“If you can ‘just send a text’ then that means you were snooping,” Yessy retorted. 

Maya stopped in her cowardly retreat to gawk at her roommate. She thought of a million excuses but none seemed to do the trick. Yessy was the kind of girl who saw right through you. 

“I…was,” Maya confessed lamely. Yessy laughed loudly and unashamed. 

“That’s—wait.” Her head swiveled around the room. “Our strap isn’t out, is it?” 

Maya blushed all over. She hadn’t sighted any implements but now the idea was stuck in her head, and all she could think about was the hideous belt that hung on the door to their dorm-mom’s quarters. 

Yessy reached onto the bed and rustled the sheets, pulling out a very purple, very silicone, 9-inch dildo still attached in its harness. Maya’s face dropped.

“Oh my God. I thought you were talking about… never mind,” she added hurriedly as Yessy dissolved into a fit of giggles. 

“You don’t blink at my dildo but you’re dying at the thought of me owning a leather strap?” Yessy asked incredulously. 

Maya shrugged, her features splitting into an embarrassed, disbelieving grin. 

“Well, I mean, of course you would have that,” Maya waved a hand at the silicone violation. “A leather strap is a different story.” 

“Oh, you need to see my implement cabinet.” 

Yessy dropped the harness and the other thing that was attached to the harness into her bedside drawer and wheeled around to her suddenly very offensive looking wardrobe. Maya watched with a sort of frozen terror as Yessy opened the wardrobe and pulled out the bottom compartment. She then beckoned Maya with one crook of the finger that would’ve had Maya’s stomach dropping under different circumstances. 

Morbid curiosity won out, and Maya felt herself move forward to get a good look at Yessy’s arsenal. They were impressive and ugly and wonderful all at the same time. Maya felt the familiar sense of wonderment she had first experienced when she had discovered the Ivory League, and a wave of belonging hit her again in that moment. It was stupid to be feeling that much over a few implements, though, so Maya cooled it and tried to remain nonchalant. 

“Very nice,” she praised. 

“Yeah?” Yessy was watching her closely. “I have them organized between wood and leather and then thickness.” Yessy pointed to the big bad belt that lay looped on the far side of the compartment. “That thing is mean as hell. Lee doesn’t care for leather very much, though. We have way more wooden tools. I have a separate drawer for my spoons!”

Yessy reached up to pull out one of the built in drawers. Maya swallowed when she felt her mouth water at the sight. Yessy had a lot of spoons (understatement); they ranged over several different types of wood (some with holes and some without), and Maya spotted again that Yessy had organized them by thickness. 

“Pretty,” Maya murmured. Yessy made a noise of agreement and plucked the third spoon from the left out of the drawer. Maya noticed the handicraft and extreme care with which Yessy seemed to be handling it. 

“This one is a bitch. It’s kingwood and I paid good money for it. It's extremely unyielding wood but it is also one of my thinnest spoons. Makes for amazing sting.” She brought the spoon down on her left thigh in a swift, expert manner. The crack that resounded was frankly terrifying. Maya felt like a moth drawn to the flame. “Lee hates it.”

“I can see why,” Maya remarked dryly as she watched Yessy rub out the sting she had brought upon herself. 

For some erroneous reason, Maya’s brain asked a question: Did Claire have an implement drawer?

Before Yessy could read her thoughts, or God forbid, say something even remotely related to that idea, Maya stood up and put a chasm between her and Yessy’s cabinet. She felt like she owed the girl some explanation for her actions, given now that she’d been privy to the purple dildo and other relationship intimacies. 

“Um. I’m sorry for snooping by the way,” Maya said cautiously. Yessy smiled up at her, taken aback.

“Oh, no, that’s alright. I’ve snooped yours.”

Maya’s lips pressed into a thin line, but she really didn’t have room to criticize because there she was, standing in Leeland and Yessy’s room, uninvited. 

“Alright,” Maya ground out. She thought about her rules board above her desk and blushed. 

“Your room is bare as shit. Do you have anything to decorate with?”

“I only have what I could fit in my suitcase. Clothes are bulky,” Maya commented. 

“You’ve got grant money,” Yessy shrugged. “You should fill it with stuff you like. What do you like?”

If it were any other person telling her this, Maya would’ve told them to fuck right off but it was Yessy, and Yessy understood what it felt like to be on grant. A tiny part of her unclenched. The desperate feeling of forcing herself to be comfortable was getting easier to handle with each time Maya made the effort, but effort it required nonetheless. She took a deep breath and released the information into the chasm. 

“I like books and music and… football,” Maya admitted. 

“Ok,” Yessy nodded. “I’m kind of useless in those categories but I can help with space arrangement. We should do that together.”

Maya was skeptical but she offered a timid, “Alright, sure,” and that seemed good enough. She attempted to leave yet again but was stopped by Yessy dropping two bombs in a double homicide. 

“Hey, don’t forget about the chore chart. We need to have those done by tomorrow night so I can rotate the chores. Also, will you eat dinner with us tonight? I’m making stir fry.” 

Maya was lost on what to say first: an apology for forgetting about the chore chart or a flat-out refusal for dinner. Her knee-jerk reaction was to deny, but she had agreed to be in the dorm that weekend and her roommates knew that Maya would just be in the other room. For reasons that were still lost to her, dinner felt like some big commitment—like she was accepting things about herself if she took part in their tradition. 

Maya recognized she was taking too long to answer because Yessy had stopped fiddling with her wardrobe and was now staring at her, waiting for a response. She was rendered fucking helpless as the only words that tumbled out of her mouth were complete nonsense. 

“I think no, I will.”

Yessy’s eyebrows drew together. “You will join us for dinner?” 

“Uhh,” Maya said dumbly, “Yeah.” She scampered away. 

Technically, it was an accident that Maya had said yes to dinner, but surely Ron would see that as improvement. The boy had agreed to help keep tabs on if Maya were shutting herself away from others. This would be a reluctant step forward. 

“See you then,” Yessy called after her. 

Maya was grotesquely early to dinner. She had checked the chore chart and did her assigned dishes, completing them by the time Yessy wandered into the kitchen. Her roommate raised an eyebrow but said nothing and got to work. Maya sat herself very stiffly at the kitchen table and waited for instruction. 

But none came. 

About five minutes in, Maya recognized she was acting odd, but she couldn’t help herself. She went over and asked Yessy a couple times if there was anything she could do but the girl denied her once and just hummed the other times. Maya understood she was being a nuisance, so instead of continuing to bother Yessy, she familiarized herself with the kitchen. She did not own a single kitchen item (bumming off of the other inhabitants of the dorm) and felt like the charity case she often was. It would be helpful, at least, to know where the dishes went after they dried. 

As if Maya weren’t being insufferable enough, dinner was even more awkward. The food was ready and so were the roommates—except for one person who had been suspiciously busy all day. Leeland had been gone on one of her side quests, the distinct lack of cackling echoing in her absenteeism. Yessy had mentioned something about a relative, but the three of them (Maya, Claire, and Yessy) now waited at the table for what was becoming increasingly clear as a standup. 

Yessy’s face did that annoyed morph from earlier that afternoon. She impatiently typed on her phone as Claire sat opposite her, completely unbothered and more interested in her glass of peach tea. Maya tried to stop the embarrassing rumble her stomach gave but she might as well have used a megaphone to broadcast her hunger. She chewed the inside of her right cheek, not daring to look at Claire lest the spell break and she start laughing at the unreasonably tense ‘first dinner trial.’ 

Maya took the imposed moment of silence to sift through the weeds of philosophical approaches to life. There were people who saw life in black and white, and others who saw in shades of gray. Maya experienced things on a scale from “bearably tetchy,” to, “unrecoverable ego death.” Awkward dinners fell somewhere along the line of, “emotionally flagellant.” 

Eventually, Yessy set down her phone with a short little snap and announced the dinner commencement. 

“Where is she?”

Claire. Nosy as ever. 

Maya watched as her roommates communicated in a non-verbal display of 15 years of friendship—Yessy with her scowl deepening at every gesture, Claire with her consistent head-cocking. Maya served her plate. She could do dysfunctional just fine. 

What Maya couldn’t do, however, was act like a normal fucking human. After the explorative communication debacle, Claire turned her attention onto her AP, catching Maya in the headlights of unwanted genuine concern. 

“Are you still set on getting a job?”

Maya paused, fork halfway to her mouth. 

“Yeah. I need to.” She ate quickly, shoving in the mouthful before Claire could concoct another question. 

Claire nodded. “Well, there are plenty of jobs on campus where you can do homework as you work.”

Maya didn’t know how everyone seemed to be able to eat and talk at the same time. It was like they possessed a cheat code on the correct intervals at which to socially interact. The cheat code was not extended unto her, however, because Maya always left distasteful pockets of silence where she ought to have been talking, and she always tried to interject where she ought to be quiet. 

She swallowed, debating her next words. She had already sent over her papers to the bowling alley, and a different job where she would be required to sit still sounded like torture.

“I complete my homework on my own time,” Maya told her. It sounded a bit more snarky than Maya had intended so she had to add something to clear the air. “Don’t worry about the job issue.”

The corners of Claire’s mouth tightened but she didn’t press. 

“As long as you mention it to your advisor on Monday.”

Maya didn’t grace this with a response. She already had a plan for Monday, and it did not involve another useless meeting. She glanced at Yessy out of the corners of her eyes, hoping the girl would provide an ample distraction. 

Said distraction came in the form of Yessy’s phone beginning to vibrate, sending tiny shock waves down the table. She answered, and Maya didn’t need to be told who was on the line; Leeland’s voice rang out loud and clear as if she were on speaker phone. 

“God, she’s such a bitch!”

The tension let out in between Yessy’s eyebrows, her face smoothing out into a lighthearted, yet exasperated, smile. 

“What is it this time?”

“I’m almost home,” Leeland sighed through the phone. “I’ll tell you when I get there.”

Maya crossed her ankles in anticipation of the girl. She hadn’t met Leeland’s eyes in almost 4 days and she was certain her roommate wasn’t going to engage in conversation of her own accord. Maya had yet to apologize, unable to find the right time or the right words. Ron had texted her a few scripts but they all felt cheesy and full of understatements. She needed to catch Leeland sometime that weekend, otherwise too much time would pass and Maya’s belated apology would become moot. 

The door opened not even five minutes later, Leeland entering with her arms full of bags. 

“I swear to God, she thinks I don’t own a single thing.” She dumped the load right there in the entryway and stepped over it without a second glance. 

Maya did her best to act like she wasn’t avoiding anyone, but her gaze narrowed to her plate. She couldn’t see the way Leeland slung her arms over Yessy’s shoulders; she couldn’t see the way Yessy leaned into the touch; she definitely couldn’t see how Claire was watching, calm and comfortable. Maya felt very much like she was intruding—the fifth wheel to a dinner party that only had four attendees. 

A hand settled over hers. “You alright?” 

Maya snapped back to reality, shaking off Claire’s hand with a reach to her water glass, and nodding her head in what she hoped was a normal amount of enthusiasm. Leeland was saying something that drew everyone’s attention. 

“Yeah, well, it all came with a price. Like always.”

Yessy rolled her eyes. “Of course it did. What now?”

“She insists we ‘accompany her’ to church tomorrow.”

“We?!” Yessy spluttered indignantly. 

“We,” Leeland nodded. 

Maya observed, wholly amused by the turn of events. The conversation between the lovers had turned into a standstill: Leeland solemn and accepting, having already reconciled with whomever had assigned them this task; Yessy, on the other hand, was angrily perturbed in addition to the almighty scowl now aimed at the other end of the table. Maya pivoted her eyes to find Claire outright laughing at them.

“Oh, come on,” she said airily, “it’s not that bad.”

Each one of Claire’s roommates, however, thought it was that bad. They provided her with rude gestures, Maya joining in with her own look of repugnance despite having no hand in the matter. Claire set down her utensils and gave them each a dignified once over.

“How about we all go together, then? Since you,” Claire pointed at said person (Leeland) with their still raised middle finger, “can’t seem to behave.” 

The couple shared a great big sigh, recognizing that they would be going either way, but Claire’s statement was not lost on Maya. She had frozen in her seat.

“All?” Maya regretfully asked. All eyes turned to her, Maya catching Leeland’s full gaze for the first time in days. Both sets of eyes darted away like they had accidentally caught the sun head-on.  

“Yeah,” Claire smiled. “All! A support group for Leeland’s grumpy Nonna.”

Leeland sidled away, grumbling something about, “support, my ass,” leaving the rest of them to finish dinner in a variety of emotions. 

Maya ate slowly, pondering what in the fresh hell she had just been told. She had attended three whole church services in her life, each one worse than the last and somehow always in an itchier outfit. Yessy looked about as disturbed as Maya did, stabbing her fork a little harder into her plate than necessary.

Unpleasantly, Maya caught Leeland’s eye a few times after that. Leeland remained nearby, organizing her new things into their proper spots and turning to provide a blank stare at the most inopportune times. Each time, Maya felt a bit of her courage die somewhere in her nervous system. Her own words haunted them both and left a suffocating bubble in its destructive wake. She had to make it up to Leeland. And fast. 

***

The next morning attacked Maya’s senses like ragweed in the south. Feeling like utter shit, Maya swatted her way through her closet looking for the most church appropriate clothes. She could hear Leeland being loud and obnoxious. How anyone could be that lively in the morning was beyond her. 

Despairingly, Maya realized that she needed help. She let her head thunk against the door of the closet just once and just to see if the headache would go away. It didn’t. Maya went to find Claire. 

The dorm’s interior designer was a serious slut. Because why did Maya’s bedroom door open up directly to their shared sink space? And why was Claire there doing her makeup and looking the way she did?

She was applying her lipstick and didn’t stop even as she made eye contact with Maya in the mirror.

Maya blushed. “Um…” she briefly lost her train of thought. “What,” she cleared her throat, “what is the attire for this church?” 

Claire raised an eyebrow. “They recommend clothing.” 

“Like,” Maya scoffed, “am I going to get called a raging dyke if I wear my jeans?” 

There was absolutely no reason at all why the phrase ‘raging dyke’ popped into her head. It certainly had nothing to do with the way Claire was smirking at her. 

“Jeans are perfect. They’re not picky.” Claire capped the lipstick, and, after catching Maya’s expression, added, “Do you want me to pick something out?”

“No,” Maya said a bit-too-quickly. “Just tell me if it looks alright.”

She retreated back into the safety of her room and back into the wretched closet. Maya threw on her jeans and a plain button down. She grudgingly presented herself like a little kid who went back-to-school shopping at a JC Penney. 

“Very nice,” Claire cooed. “You’ll fit right in.”

It sucked that Maya craved the affirmation so badly.

Claire was right, of course. 

The church was nothing like what Maya had experienced before. First of all, it was located in a slightly abandoned mall strip next to “Reggie’s Roller Rink.” Second of all, everyone was really nice. Maya was concerned when people came to greet her and shake her hand. She was just trying to mirror whatever Claire was doing, but her AP had caught her doing this and smiled, so Maya trashed that idea. 

She slunk to the back of the group, allowing her roommates to greet Leeland’s Nonna who turned out to be a very tall, very angular old woman. Maya noticed the way both Yessy and Leeland’s postures stiffened, and it was not lost on her that Claire remained impassive. 

They were shuffled into a church pew one by one, Leeland using Yessy as a reluctant buffer between her and the Nonna; Claire being used as an oblivious buffer between Leeland and Maya. Disaster struck as the service started, and Claire stood up to exit the pew.

“Where are you going?” Maya hissed.

“I gotta do my job,” Claire whispered. 

Maya watched, mystified, as Claire strode down to the front of the auditorium, waited for the man giving announcements to finish, and then got on the stage right up to the piano and sat down. Maya was so lost that she even looked to Leeland for help.

“What the hell?”

Leeland scoffed. “She’s their pianist, obviously.”

Maya frowned. She had not known anything about this, and she certainly didn’t think her lesbian roommate regularly attended church, let alone played their piano. Maybe things up north were different than where she came from. Leeland wore an arrogant mask.

“Seriously?” Leeland accused. “You haven’t even been inside her bedroom yet, have you? You know nothing about her.”

Maya’s heart beat a little faster. Leeland’s words, while unhelpful, were true. Maya felt the same distant coldness that she had felt in the bowling alley parking lot creep up her spine. She was not good at making friends—always too abrasive, avoidant, and asshole-ish. The proof was sitting right there in the Claire sized gap on the pew between her and Leeland. 

Maya took a breath, and then the initiative. She closed the gap.

Claire began to play the tune to a well-known hymn, and a group of choir leaders took the stage with microphones in hand. The song was beautiful—something Maya once heard a long time ago. 

“I’m sorry,” Maya said, loud enough to where Leeland could hear, quiet enough to not draw attention. The other girl frowned.

“Stop being sorry,” Leeland replied curtly.

Maya’s eyebrows drew together. “I haven’t gotten to apologize yet.”

“No,” Leeland sighed, “just—”

She cut her own words off with a furtive glance across Yessy. The Nonna was staring them down, providing the classic old-church-lady-that-gripes-at-everyone look. Leeland shut up.

Maya followed her lead and tried to pay attention to what was happening on stage, but she was also trying not to look at Claire so much. It didn’t help when the alto choir leader went over to the piano and placed a hand on Claire’s shoulder. 

The alto resembled a college student. She had long dark hair and a tan that indicated she had spent the summer somewhere on the beach. She was gorgeous and nothing at all like what Maya expected from a strip mall church member. 

For some reason, jealousy edged into Maya’s senses.

“Who is that?” Maya whispered, strategically angled away from the Nonna. 

Leeland smirked. “That’s Rebekah.”

The song ended and a man got up to lead the congregation in prayer. There was a weird rustling that Maya soon learned was the sound of people grasping each other’s hands. She watched with an obstructed view as the girl on stage interlocked her fingers with Claire’s. Uncertainly, Maya looked to Leeland to see if they should hold hands. The answer was no. 

Afterwards, a different man stepped into their aisle and gave Maya a plate. She hesitantly passed it to Leeland who grabbed an entire fistful of bread off the plate and shoved it in her mouth before passing it. Yessy gave her girlfriend a glare. That should’ve been Maya’s warning for the next few minutes. 

After the plate came a very full juice tray. Maya didn’t partake of this either but when she tried to pass it, Leeland just took a juice cup, knocking it back like a shot, and then slipped the cup in her front pocket—leaving Maya holding out the tray like a servant. 

Leeland wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, ignoring the other girl. Yessy reached around, relieved Maya of the tray, and promptly returned the stolen cup from Leeland’s inventory. Maya felt a sick satisfaction as Yessy leaned down to whisper something in Leeland’s ear. 

It wasn’t enough to curb her behavior. The third thing Maya was instructed to pass down the line was an offering basket, already full of the church’s tithings. Maya knew she should’ve just handed the basket over Leeland’s head, but part of her wanted to watch the chaos unfold. 

Leeland took the basket, the grin of a Cheshire cat in place as she slipped her hand into the offering and pulled out a 20-dollar bill for her own keeping. It was sneaky enough to have flown under everyone’s radar except the two people tracking her every movement. Yessy seized both the bill and the basket, sending both on their merry way, and then reached up to latch a hand around the back of Leeland’s neck. She did not give her the courtesy of whispering this time. 

“This is your final warning. The next time will be a trip to the bathroom.”

A part of Maya’s soul died as Yessy then directed a glare in her direction. She tried to be the portrait of pure innocence, but it rather lost its effect as Maya had smirked at Leeland’s subsequent pout. Smirk dropped and head turned back to the stage, Maya tried yet again to battle the raging jealousy that overwhelmed her insides at the sight of the alto. It didn’t help that Leeland knew exactly what she was thinking. 

They sang a few more songs and then had to endure the greatest test of all: sitting still for the next 30 minutes while a man preached at them. The only good thing that came of this was the fact that Claire was now returning to her seat. Maya was ready to move over and let Claire be a buffer again, but the girl sat on Maya’s other side, effectively sandwiching her between Leeland the menace and her AP. 

To heighten the tension for absolutely no fucking reason, Claire sat way too close, making Maya decide between having their thighs touching for the next half hour or scoot closer to Leeland. Actually praying to God for the first time that morning, Maya scooted five centimeters into Leeland territory. She immediately regretted it.

Leeland chose that moment to sink low into the pew and manspread. The result was Maya’s entire left leg beginning to sweat which she suffered for a few minutes before biting the bullet and tucking closer to Claire. Leeland’s leg chased her. Maya glared at Leeland who, in turn, offered the utmost cocky smile Maya had ever seen. 

Leeland, apparently bored by Maya’s inaction, began to fiddle with a song book. She held the book up on one finger and then spun it like a basketball, proudly in full view of her Nonna and her girlfriend. Maya grabbed the book before Yessy could intervene, and since the whole row was still watching them, she opened the book to the index and pretended to read. Leeland followed this and bent her head in close to Maya’s to stare blankly at the page. 

“What are you doing?” Leeland whispered under her breath. 

“Me? What are you doing?” Maya griped back, just as quiet. 

“It’s called bratting. But I understand that’s not something you’re familiar with.”

Maya shifted her head to get a good look at Leeland’s face. Somewhere underneath the facade, Maya saw the girl she had not only hurt but had brutally berated. 

“You’re right. I’m not,” Maya said seriously. 

A tap on her thigh alerted her that Claire was not pleased with their gossip session in the middle of a sermon. Maya straightened right away and gave what she hoped was a repentant nod. Leeland didn’t get the memo because she took possession of the song book once more and tossed it on the ground right by Yessy’s feet. 

It was really no surprise when Yessy yanked the girl up from the pew and marched her down the row, a tight grip around Leeland’s upper arm. Maya’s face heated up as several people looked in their direction, but she zeroed in on the preacher, hoping onlookers would cease their barrage of perceivement. Claire did nothing but cross her legs, so Maya did the same, peering out of her peripherals to make sure they had not caused a huge disturbance. Shockingly, no one cared. Well, Leeland must’ve cared, but she had brought that on herself. 

The couple was gone for a mysteriously long time. Long enough for the sermon to end and for Claire to get back on stage to lead the church in another chorus of songs. Then, it was just Maya and the awkward distance between her and Leeland’s Nonna. Maya hummed respectfully to the tune of a hymn she did not know, and inconveniently kept meeting the Nonna’s eyes. The second time it happened, Nonna slid down the row closer to Maya. It was silly but Maya freaked out a little bit, not wanting to interact with this woman without one of her roommates present. 

As if the universe had some sort of vendetta against her, the service ended without fanfare and Maya was snatched into Nonna’s metaphorical jaws of small talk. 

“So, you’re Claire’s little friend?” she asked.

Maya cringed. “Um, I’m her AP.”

“Oh, I see. Aren’t you two the same age?”

Maya was always looking for ways to escape a conversation, so, naturally, her eyes locked on her only source of comfort in the room. Claire was still on the stage, cleaning up the sheet music she had used. The alto, Rebekah, walked up to her, body language languid and open and completely, utterly in love. 

This church had to be exceeding the normal amount of Lesbians. 

Maya reluctantly dragged her gaze from the stage to the crow’s feet on Nonna’s face. 

“I’m…we’re both 19, yes.”

Nonna wasn’t an idiot so she looked to where Maya had gotten distracted. Claire and Rebekah were now chatting, Rebekah with her hand outstretched to cup Claire’s elbow in a weird hold. Maya frowned at it and the Nonna tutted. 

“You girls and your crushes. I can’t keep up.”

“Pardon?” Maya blushed as she tried for a straight face.  

“Oh, sweetheart,” Nonna sighed. 

Thank God or Jesus or whomever because Yessy returned, saving Maya from wanting to bitch slap an old woman. 

“We’re waiting in the car,” Yessy said tersely. 

“Yes, she sure got herself in trouble, didn’t she?” Nonna asked carelessly. Yessy’s mouth pressed in a thin line but she didn’t confirm or deny. Maya supposed that was an answer in and of itself. “The other friend is still flirting on stage.” 

It was then, in that very moment, Maya decided Yessy was her favorite. Yessy’s face portrayed a beautiful cross between anger and boredom, and she said, “Her name is Claire, and you should know that by now.” 

“Claire,” the Nonna agreed. “Claire is still flirting.”

Maya hated the way she felt when she looked at the stage, so she took the high road and got the hell out of dodge. The car was running and unlocked because a chastened Leeland sat in the back seat. Maya sat in the passenger seat to give Leeland some much needed space. 

“You alright?” Maya asked after a few beats of silence. Leeland huffed. 

“I’m perfectly fine, dipshit.”

“Glad to see your temper intact,” Maya sighed. 

“Why shouldn’t it be?” Leeland challenged. 

“Never said that it shouldn’t.”

“You’ve said a lot of other things.” 

Maya spun around to get a good look at her roommate. Leeland did look perfectly fine—no evidence of crying, no shifting in the seat. Maya blanked on what to say next. There were so many options Ron had given her for this exact moment. There were so many things she could say. 

“The only things I say are bull and also shit. Never listen to me.”

It wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t near good enough. Because what the hell do you say to the person who called you a burden on the only people who love you unconditionally? What do you say to the person who tried to smooth it over with self-deprecation? 

“Yeah, well. Point taken.” Leeland slumped down in the backseat, arms crossing. 

For the first time in her life, Maya felt like she was losing a friend. The horrible idea penetrated her digestive system, filling her stomach with dread acid and lighting her large intestine on fire. She was going to have the runs. 

Claire and Yessy returned to the car in no time, driving everyone home in an unusual silence, each person stuck in their own heads. If Maya hated herself a little more, she would try to ask about Rebekah, but she was at full mental capacity.

The rest of the day passed in a ‘Sunday Scaries’ haze, and Maya completed what was left of her homework as a distraction to the helpless feeling clawing its way up her throat. She barely noticed Claire trying to get her attention, but she came to as her AP closed Maya’s laptop. 

“Maya.” The name was drawn out, like Claire had been saying it multiple times already. “You need to take out the trash so we can rotate the chores.”

Maya stared, a dumb look plastered on her face. 

“The trash?” she mouthed. 

Maya went to investigate the chore chart, wondering if she was going insane and had somehow missed the fact that she had two chores to finish that week. She skimmed with her finger on the whiteboard.

Yessy – Dinners

Claire – Bathroom

Leeland – Dishes

Maya – Trash

Claire and Leeland sat on the couch watching their show and acted as if all was right with the world. Maya knew better. 

“I thought I had dishes,” Maya muttered. She waited, giving Leeland the chance to own up to her deceive-ary. 

No one batted an eye. Leeland gave her the haughtiest look she could muster. 

“No. I did the dishes.”

The lie worked. It fucking worked because Yessy wasn’t in the room—the only person who knew that statement was incorrect. Maya debated: she could either make a big stink about a stupid chore (something Claire would no doubt see as childish) or she could take Leeland’s ‘punishment’ and just take out the fucking trash. 

Maya took out the trash. She grit her teeth at the smug expression on Leeland’s face but dealt with it anyways, hoping that this would put an end to the unholy fight Maya had started with a few misplaced, angry words. 

It was a fleeting hope. All Maya had done was show Leeland that she could be broken in like a lap dog. Leeland ordered her around the dorm at least three more times that night—requesting a drink, a snack, a blanket. Each time, Maya did it, and each time, she prayed another favor would suffice as an apology. 

Maya went to bed humiliated and tired from the suddenly very real assumption that she had lost a friend. She tossed around in bed with the dreadful conclusion: Leeland was fucking with her.

Chapter Text

The alarm descended upon the dorm like the devil upon hell. Maya woke to an incessant blaring, shaken and groggy. It was becoming increasingly clear that being awoken in a panic would be a regular occurrence.  

Maya rocketed out of bed, her pain flaring into almighty life as she did so. She heard the unmistakable sounds of other dorms booming into consciousness as several doors began to slam around them, echoing through the courtyards. 

Maya scuffled around for a pair of socks and jammed them on her feet as the alarm continued its bombardment. Her back protested such actions, and it sent a lovely spasm down her spine that had her hissing through her teeth. She slid her feet into her shoes and snatched her phone from the nightstand, disgruntled to find it was the ungodly hour of four in the morning. 

At the last second, Maya remembered that she wouldn’t enjoy having everyone see her in boxers, so she grabbed the blanket from the bed and slung it over her shoulders, making her exit. 

She nearly bumped into Claire in the hallway. The girl was sporting yet another silk monogrammed pajama set, this time in lavender. Her hair was wrapped in heatless curls, and Maya would’ve smiled if she weren’t in a huge amount of pain. She offered what probably looked like a gassy grimace, judging from the look on Claire’s face. 

“Are you ok?” Claire asked. 

“Uh. Loud,” Maya answered. She didn’t feel like explaining her chronic illness at four in the goddamn morning in the middle of a fire alarm. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 

Claire grasped Maya by the upper arm—an action that sent adrenaline to her legs, urging her to get the fuck out of the hallway. Yessy and Leeland’s bedroom was already abandoned, having ditched their roommates in favor of their eardrums. Together they barreled down the filling stairwell and out into the courtyard, in search of anyone who knew what was happening. 

Maya stood uncomfortably adjacent to Yessy as Claire went in search of their RA. Leeland was sprawled on the ground at their feet, her arm draped over her brow. Luckily, Maya did not have to pretend to interact with her. 

“Is this a common occurrence?” Maya murmured in Yessy’s direction. 

Yessy shrugged. “I mean, it’s an old building. Maybe someone was taking a hot shower without the vents.” She cast a glance down to her submissive. “Or, you know, brats have been known to pull the alarm in ludicrous bouts of naughtiness.”

Leeland lifted her arm suspiciously. 

“There’s no way you’re accusing me of this,” Leeland scoffed. 

“I didn’t say anything about you,” Yessy intoned. 

Leeland’s lower lip dropped into a pout as she rose to sit up. 

“I’m much more creative than that.” 

This was apparently endearing to Yessy who leaned down to cusp Leeland’s chin and kiss her on the stuck-out lip. Maya was watching them like a creep, so she didn’t miss the way Leeland’s eyes flicked to her, apprehensive. Maya quickly averted, eyes latching onto Claire who had found their RA and was interrogating them, arms crossed and brow furrowed in the way that she managed to make elegant. It was only a moment before she was marching over to them, a look of determination set in place. 

“Ann said the lounge smelled like smoke. Probably burnt ramen again.”

“There you go,” Leeland said testily, “no brattery involved.”

Yessy hummed. “Unless they burnt the ramen on purpose.”

“Why would I do that?” Leeland huffed. 

“Again. Didn’t say anything about you.”

“Claireee,” Leeland whined. “I’m being accused.”

Maya watched as a soft smile crossed Claire’s lips. Annoyingly, she felt her heart strings tug at the notion. It was astonishing that someone like Claire would smile when a brat was whining. 

“Poor baby,” Claire cooed. “Did you do something naughty?”

“Of course not.” Leeland blinked innocently up at them all. 

An uneasy feeling nested itself in Maya’s soul. If it weren’t four in the morning, maybe she would be able to label her emotions; maybe she would notice just how absurdly jealous she was. But, even if she did, there was nothing she would do about it. Instead, Maya chose to do the mature thing by scowling and ignoring everybody else. 

Another spark of pain ignited somewhere in her shoulders, her taut posture exacerbating the issue (which she recognized), and she attempted to correct it by doing breathing exercises. Her shoulders wouldn’t unclench, however. She needed her vape. 

A jolt of epiphany had Maya in shambles. 

She hadn’t vaped in 24 hours.

No wonder she was downright miserable. 

Her hands itched with the muscle memory of taking a hit. Someone came by to take attendance and Maya hoped she didn’t look like nicotine frenzy, but it was all she could think about now—the urge to consume greater than anything she had felt before. She made the mistake of choosing to stare at the ground because Leeland was still there, her presence louder than any words being spoken. 

Leeland looked her up and down, an odd mix of concern and distaste written into her features. Maya felt her heartbeat racing beneath her shirt, the blanket she had draped over her shoulders becoming thicker and muggier with each second. She began to take shallow breaths and that’s when something strange happened: Leeland stood up, wrapped an arm around her back, and forced Maya on an impromptu stroll. 

Maya strolled. 

“Dude, you look like a junkie,” Leeland whispered. 

“I am,” Maya crowed. “What do you care?”

Leeland looked down her nose at her. Maya desperately wanted to read her mind to figure out what the hell she could say to leave the pent-up tension behind them. 

“If Claire ever finds out…,” Leeland tutted. 

Maya aggressively shook off the arm that was still fastened around her and she did not stomp her foot. 

“Don’t you think I know what that will mean,” Maya snapped. “I’m trying.”

“Ok, I’m sorry,” Leeland said. 

That threw Maya for a loop. Here she was, groveling in penance whilst Leeland turned around and apologized. 

“You’re…?” Maya swallowed. “You were jerking me around yesterday.”

“Heh,” Leeland laughed. “Yeah, I was.” Maya’s anger summited. 

“You are such a brat,” she spat. 

In a beautiful, theatrical kind of way, Leeland’s face dropped. A resigned disappointment with a hint of contempt took up residence in the empty spot where short-lived laughter had sat. 

“You say that like it's some sort of disease.”

“Maybe it is,” Maya deadpanned. 

She knew she was being a total bitch. She was making things worse for their already rickety acquaintanceship, but Maya couldn’t help herself. It was the wretched hour of 4:27 in the morning and she was in pain and her feelings were hurt by the girl standing before her. Leeland slumped in defeat. 

“If that’s truly what you think, then Ron was wrong. You are a waste of time.”

Maya’s ears rang as she retreated. She was sick of playing mean girls with Leeland. She was sick of being a mean girl. However, she wasn’t sick enough to back down. When they were released back to bed, Maya made a plan and went through with her childish antics. If Leeland was going to dish it, she was going to have to take it. 

***

Maturity was a social construct, Maya reckoned. She could be considered as ‘doing the mature thing’ because her other option was bitch-slapping her roommate. That would be immature. 

Growing up, Maya had one tactic to get her mother to calm down: hide her things. This tactic would only work, of course, once her mom had surpassed anger and was headed for delirium. It was a tricky balance. 

Everything went according to plan thanks to Leeland’s chaotic organization skills. 

Maya hid the backpack underneath the coffee table and hid the sneakers by the dishwasher and slipped Leeland’s keys off their hook and sandwiched them between the couch cushions. The backpack and shoes could be found with a little searching but the keys would be the kicker and would most likely make the girl late for the day. 

It was a little bit evil, yes, but it would cause no damage—just frustration. It was perfect. 

The new start to the week dictated that they attend yet another assembly, ensuring that the roommates would be leaving at the same time, and thus, giving them all a front row view to Leeland’s potential meltdown. 

Maya had tried to go back to sleep after the fire alarm fiasco but she was rendered helpless by the endless strain in her shoulders. So, instead, she plotted and vaped and tried to ignore the sweet satisfaction she felt at doing something slightly immature. Around 7 a.m., she opted for making herself a coffee and settled into the couch with one of her textbooks—right on top of Leeland’s hidden keys. 

The morning unfolded before her with the roommates making guest-star appearances as they popped in and out of the bathroom, each one in their own routine. Maya couldn't tell the exact moment Leeland noticed something was amiss, but she heard muttered curses wafting about the dorm. They were headed into crunch time, however, when it came down to ten minutes before they were due to leave and Leeland was now actively surveying the common areas. 

“Ow! Leeland, what the fuck?” Came Claire’s still sleep-husky voice. “Why are your shoes in the middle of the kitchen? I just tripped over them.”

“What? I thought I looked there.” Leeland rushed to put on her shoes, relief evident on her face. Maya smirked. 

“Did you fling off your shoes after the fire alarm last night?” Yessy asked from somewhere behind Maya. 

“Must’ve,” Leeland shrugged. Maya caught the fidgety tone and guilty expression Leeland cast in her girlfriend’s direction. 

“M’kay,” Yessy mused. “Do you have everything?” 

“Yeah,” Leeland answered too-quickly and then froze when she realized her backpack was not in its place by the door. “Wait…”

Maya began to pack up her own bag by the couch, discreetly watching Leeland out of the corners of her eyes. The bag was barely concealed and easily discoverable if Leeland just searched a bit more effectively. Yessy’s patience, however, was growing thin. 

“You’re supposed to put things where they go,” Yessy scolded. “Why haven’t you done that?”

“Would you chill? I saw it last night! It’s in here somewhere,” Leeland pushed back. 

Maya tensed as she saw Yessy’s arms cross. She couldn’t imagine saying something like that to her AP. Said AP now joined the shit show, her make up fully done and possessions all in hand, looking the portrait of perfection. Claire caught one look at Yessy’s face and stopped short.

“What?” Claire asked, confused. 

Before Yessy could answer, Leeland chimed in. “Have you seen my backpack?”

It only took her one sweep of the room before Claire pointed to the pack snuggled underneath their tiny coffee table. The table that Maya was currently crouched next to. 

Maya stood up and slung her own backpack over her shoulder, feeling Leeland’s eyes on her back. With one misplaced item, it was a fluke. With two, it was a coincidence. She saw Leeland’s eyes narrow but the girl said nothing, stooping to return her backpack to its owner. 

Leeland straightened, looking ticked off and huffy. “Ok, are we ready?”

“I don’t know,” Yessy said coolly. “Are we? Or do you want to take that tone with me again?”

Maya’s eyes widened as Leeland pouted, crossed her arms, and chose not to answer her domme. Instead, Leeland went to reach for her keys from the key rack and nearly lost her shit when her hand came up empty. Maya bit back a laugh even though she was nervous from the obvious shift in circumstances. 

“Where the fuck are my keys? I swear to god I put them right there!”

“That’s it,” Yessy shook her head. “You know our rule about where your things are supposed to go.” 

Any semblance of amusement was wiped from Maya’s features faster than she had jumped out of bed that morning. She had only meant to annoy Leeland—not get her in trouble; Maya would have never touched Leeland’s things if she had known there was a rule. She fearfully watched as Leeland made things worse. 

“No! I know I put them in their spot!” Leeland shouted. It was the kind of shout that pierced through the drywall and announced to their entire block that someone was in deep shit. 

Maya winced as Leeland jerked her head in her direction, but she did not receive the ire for very long as Yessy commanded the attention back to her.

“Excuse me? Did you just tell me no?”

If Maya felt like throwing up, there was no telling how Leeland felt. The girl blanched and made a puny attempt at backpedaling. 

“That wasn’t at you,” Leeland whined. “It was at the world.” 

“The world says you can go get the bamboo spoon and bend over the bed,” Yessy ordered. 

“No! Yessyyy!” 

“That’s twice you’ve told me no,” Yessy snapped. “Either you do as I say or I can spank you right now and then you can fetch me the spoon.”

The room was silent. Leeland obviously wanted to protest, and Maya felt sick to her stomach. She needed to come clean and stop the whole misunderstanding. 

Maya took a step forward a moment too late. Leeland barreled into action, stomping her way to her bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

Everyone winced. The door banged so aggressively it became unlatched in the recoil, allowing the other girls to listen as the infamous implement drawer scraped open and Leeland brushed her hand inside, making sure to knock the spoons around as to deliberately mess up Yessy’s perfect organization. Yessy sighed as she closed her eyes and no-doubt utilized one of Maya’s breathing techniques. 

Maya would say something like, “hey please don’t spank Leeland because I messed with her things and she didn’t misplace them,” but Yessy looked awfully scary right now, and Maya had other matters to attend to for the day ahead. She could not afford to add a spanking detour into the mix. 

Eventually, Yessy followed her girlfriend into their bedroom but she did not give the door the same treatment, allowing it to hang open. 

“Close the damn door!” Came Leeland’s demand.

“You’ve lost that privilege,” Yessy said lowly. “And that is not the way you speak to me.” 

Maya’s whole body flushed, unable to bear witness to Leeland getting more than she deserved. Maya clutched at the neckline on her shirt, her anxiety choking her, making it hard to catch a breath. The smacking started, loud and intrusive. 

“Hey.”

Maya jumped, having completely forgotten that Claire was also in the room. She jolted to find that Claire was now standing right next to her and was sporting a creased brow paired with the most concern Maya had ever seen in anyone’s eyes. 

“Hey,” Maya responded, a bit breathily. 

“Are you ok? You’ve heard Leeland get smacked before…” Claire trailed off. 

That was true. Maya had heard a few smackings take place last week. What bothered her now was that Leeland was getting it because of something Maya had done. A muffled cry sounded after a rapid fire session of spoon smacks and Maya felt the guilt seize every crevice and pore that embedded itself in her body. Her options were to admit her wrongdoing or double-down. 

“I’m fine,” Maya dismissed.

“Something’s bothering you,” Claire frowned. 

“No. It’s not.” Maya pulled her backpack tighter to her back, hoping the pressure could absorb some of the guilt that was secreting through each and every one of her cells. 

Claire knew this was utter bullshit, but Maya refused to engage with her at all as they waited in the echoing cacophony of discipline. It was less than 5 minutes but it felt like forever. Leeland reappeared first, tear tracks evident on her face, but still looking every bit as pissed off as when she discovered her keys missing. Maya avoided her too. 

Yessy followed, wooden spoon swinging righteously by her side.  “Let’s hurry up and go before we’re late.” 

“There was an easy fix to that,” Leeland grumbled.

“You know,” Yessy purred, “for someone with a roasted backside, you sure are giving a lot of lip.”

“I’m not,” Leeland retorted.

Maya closed her eyes briefly, telepathically begging Leeland to shut the fuck up. Yessy walked menacingly towards the door but she bypassed Leeland, grabbing her backpack and shoving the wooden spoon that hadn’t been returned to the drawer down into a zipper. Leeland stared at the action with an open mouth.

“What’s that for?!” Leeland cried. 

Yessy looked at her evenly. “You can’t seem to fix your attitude so it’s coming along with us as an extra precaution.”

Maya saw Leeland make an angry swipe at a few stray tears and her heart clenched, although hardening in its resolve to allow Leeland to take full blame. If they could just get through the rest of the day, maybe this would all be forgotten. 

They were running slightly late, but the four of them finally left the dorm for the morning, headed to Maya’s least favorite thing: assembly. She kept a wide distance from Leeland who was pouting and moving slower than usual. Yessy ignored this, keeping pace and talking with Claire, heads bent in whispered conversation. 

Maya chanced a glance back at Leeland and the girl caught her eye and flipped her the double bird. 

“Leeland Grace!” Yessy barked. Her domme had seen the motion. 

Both submissives cringed and Leeland quickly shoved her hands back into her pockets. Yessy held up three fingers, which Maya didn’t fully understand but apparently Leeland did because her lower lip began to tremble. 

Maya desperately tried to harden her resolve but it was becoming painful.

How did this happen? There would be no chance of forgiveness. 

In the auditorium, Ron had saved two seats next to him and Leeland took the first one, plopping down gingerly. Maya did not want to be near Leeland any longer but when Yessy and Claire sat together behind them, she had no choice. The assembly was starting. 

Something by the Black Eyed Peas started playing and their president ordered, “Get on your feet!”

Being a good sport, Maya stood up. Leeland, however, did not. Maya watched out of the corner of her eye as Leeland crossed her arms and resolutely sank lower into the seat. 

Yessy, who was directly behind her, tapped a hand on her shoulder that meant ‘get up and participate,’ but Leeland’s hand had a mind of its own, shooting out and slapping Yessy’s so hard it could be heard over will.i.am going ‘woo-hoo.’ 

Maya gaped at the audacity, and Ron shot a wide-eyed look but he promptly ignored the scene as Yessy bent down to whisper into Leeland’s ear. Maya couldn’t hear a word, but Leeland’s eyes filled with tears again and she stood up to join everyone else.

Maya turned to sneak a glance at Claire, but her AP was wearing her stern face which made Maya’s stomach drop to hell and she whipped her head back to the front.

The day was fucked. Completely, utterly fucked. 

The second the assembly was over, Leeland was whisked away—somewhere where Maya was certain the spoon would be making an appearance. She attempted to run away and hide but Claire was quicker, looping an arm in hers and dragging her out to the auditorium lobby. 

The sounds of grief rang out from the girls bathroom alongside sounds of a thorough chastisement. Several people turned that direction, but they seemed unphased. Maya could not claim the same innocence—only a deep, unsettling remorse.

“Why is Leeland getting in trouble bothering you?” Claire asked suddenly. 

Maya frowned and shrugged in response. 

“Really?” Claire’s lips thinned. “You’re going to continue to pretend that you’re fine? What is so different about today?”

It was different because it was all Maya’s fault. It was her fault that she made Leeland mad in the first place by saying those stupid, not true things about brats; Her fault for hurting Leeland’s feelings and retaliating when Leeland lashed out at her. 

Maya wanted to tell Claire. The part of her brain that was screaming to confess also whispered in the same beat, ‘what if this is unforgivable? What if Leeland is right and Maya isn’t worth the trouble?’

“It’s just a lot. And I’m tired,” Maya spoke unevenly. “I feel so bad…”

Claire scoffed. “Don’t feel bad for her. If you slapped me like that, I would spank you where you stand.”

Maya shook her head, readying herself to finish the sentence, ‘I feel so bad, it’s all my fault,’ but she was too late once again. 

Leeland careened out of the bathroom, beelined towards Claire who scooped her up into an embrace that looked every bit familiar and comfortable. One that made Maya’s throat tighten. Yessy appeared close behind, luckily with no spoon in hand.

“What do you say?” Yessy prompted in a much softer tone than she had taken all morning. 

“Sorry for having a bad attitude around you,” Leeland mumbled into Claire’s shoulder but she was loud enough for all her roommates to hear her. 

Claire released a breath and squeezed Leeland tighter. “It’s ok, Lee. I forgive you.”

Maya didn’t trust her countenance to remain neutral—there were about a million different emotions coursing through her bloodstream, each one as condemning as the next. Should she look upon Leeland’s face, she would betray herself, and who knew which emotion would shoulder its way to the forefront. God forbid it be jealousy.  

At Yessy’s not-so-subtle cough, Maya realized, stricken, that Leeland was not done apologizing. 

“Sorry for flipping you off,” Leeland grumbled in Maya’s direction. 

Maya wasn’t sure she had full control of her faculties because in the next second she was shaking her head, fully refusing the half-hearted reparations. In this way, Maya did not get her point of, “please do not apologize,” across. It had to be the most asshole-ish she had ever looked in her tiny, insignificant life. 

“In this house, we communicate verbally,” Claire snapped. 

Maya hadn’t expected the harshness from Claire, and her stomach unpleasantly clenched, a painful reminder that she was motherfucking guilty. The only thing Maya wanted was to rewind time and never touch one of Leeland’s possessions again. Maybe even never decide to transfer. She dug her nails into her palms out of sheer frustration and the desire to feel something other than the choking persistent guilt. 

“We’re not in the house,” Maya decided to argue. 

Outwardly, she recognized Claire’s face full of exasperation from her less-than-stellar communication skills all morning, and she watched as if in a trance as the exasperation morphed into disbelief. Inwardly, Maya was yelling shit, shit, shit! 

She caught a flicker of a smile across Leeland’s lips and then Claire stood up, derailing any pretense that Maya’s retort had been somewhat funny. It was Maya’s turn to backpedal. 

“I only meant,” Maya interjected quickly, “does ‘house’ mean just us who share a dorm or like the entire friend group?”

It's a weak, stupid deflection. They both know it. 

Claire leant down to put her nose inches from Maya’s, an action that causes an odd case of ear-ringing and irrational panic. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Claire speaks slowly, emphasizing every word, “because your relationship with Leeland applies in both situations.” Somehow, she lowers her voice. “You will start using your words with me and with Yessy and with Leeland or so help me god.”

Maya seemed to have aged several years because she was afflicted with an unforeseen bout of dry mouth, unable to swallow down the shame that rolled her tongue over and stuck to the roof of her mouth like glue. She cannot bear the feeling of being pinned in place, and she brutally rebuked the unhelpful thought that Claire’s eyes are super pretty up close. 

“Uh—”

“—If you want to go and have a bad attitude then Yessy has given you a perfect demonstration of what will happen,” Claire hissed, apparently not finished with taking Maya down a peg. “Do we need to have our own conversation?”

“No,” Maya answered hoarsely. This was not the proper response. 

Claire reached down, thoroughly done with the disrespect, and provided Maya with a healthy pinch to the thigh. A tiny pinprick of pain that shouldn’t be allowed to hurt that much cascaded into life, bringing with it a certain kind of torture Maya was unequipped to handle. She yelped. 

“No, what?” Claire demanded. 

“No, ma’am,” Maya answered, voice in a higher pitch than she would’ve liked.

Claire blessedly let go and stood, crossing her arms. She made a gesture towards Leeland and Maya turned to the girl, mind blanking for a second on what she was supposed to say. 

“I… forgive you,” Maya says, more to Leeland’s knees than anything else, but her knees seem to get the picture. The tension bleeds from the room. 

“Well,” Yessy sighed, “I think something’s in the air today.”

***

What was in the air was doom with a side of gloom. Classes passed by in an anxiety-induced haze. Maya was incapable of thinking straight and she wasn’t sure she wanted to, given the substantial weight of guilt that hijacked her senses every time she thought of that morning. 

Her feelings were not sustainable. She would have to go to the box and attend her confessional before God and before Claire (she knew which would be worse), but first she had to eat lunch. And initiate the actual crime she had planned.  

Maya met Ron at the end of the table their group had snagged, furthest away from her roommates. A furtive glance at her AP and Maya knew that Claire was not pleased with this decision, but she let it slide. 

“Did you get it?” Maya murmured to where only Ron could hear. 

“Yeah,” he smirked. “I owe Leeland a month’s worth of coffees, but yeah. I got it.”

Maya faltered. “You asked Leeland?”

“Leeland has everyone’s passwords,” Ron shrugged. “It’s like, her thing. Which, by the way, you could’ve just asked her to assist.”

“She hates me for real.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Ron sighed. “She told me she doesn’t!”

“That must’ve been before this morning,” Maya shook her head. 

Ron frowned. A few people at the table got up to receive their food, temporarily suspending the physical boundary between them and a sullen Leeland who was picking at her food. 

“What happened?” Ron whispered. “She never gets physical.”

Maya found that hard to believe but her emotions were running high and instead of behaving rationally, her fucking eyes were welling up. 

“It’s all my fault,” Maya whispered back, miserably. “I fucked everything up.”

“What?” Ron inquired, fully impatient. 

“I moved her things around. I didn’t know it would get her in trouble! It’s something I used to do for my mom, ya know, if she couldn’t find her keys, she wouldn’t be able to leave the house during an episode,” Maya babbled. "I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“Ok,” Ron said after a full minute. “I’m not sure what that has to do with her slapping Yessy.”

“I got her in trouble before we left for the assembly. That’s what started this whole mess.”

Ron’s mouth shaped into an ‘O,’ the realization sinking in. He risked one more look at Leeland before the others returned, the barrier back in place. Maya looked down at the sandwich she knew she would not eat and stowed it away for a later time. 

“I’m sorry that happened,” Ron said quietly. “If you just tell them, I’m sure the situation can be fixed.”

“Shut up,” Maya ordered. “I have an email to send and you have Claire’s email to log into.”

Ron shut up, but he didn’t look happy as he carried out Maya’s instruction, logging into Claire’s email when prompted. Maya sent Dr. Whippet an email, begrudgingly CC’ing her AP even though she knew Claire would never see it. 

Dr. Whippet,

I am unavailable to attend this afternoon’s meeting due to a last minute club scheduling error. My next available time would be Thursday morning at 9. Please let me know if this works for you.

Thanks,

Maya Dovetail

Maya prided herself on avoidment. The rescheduled time would be during Claire’s class; if Dr. Whippet sent out a new meeting invite for Thursday, Ron would accept it from Claire’s email and then move the evidence into the spam folder. According to Maya’s plan, Claire wouldn’t show up on Thursday and Maya would make some excuse, ending the meeting five minutes in before they discussed any workload issues. This plan, however, hinged on Dr. Whippet’s timing. 

They waited maybe two minutes, the professor timely as ever. 

Maya and Ron received the new meeting invite and accepted within seconds. Ron then moved the emails and turned off reminders, granting them plausible deniability should Claire ascertain their devious plot. 

“That,” Ron let out a big breath, “was definitely evil.”

“Don’t say that,” Maya fretted. “It’s just a stupid meeting.”

“Right.”

Maya didn’t have the energy to argue. In fact, she didn’t have the energy to do anything anymore. The guilt and anxiety were eating her alive, their appetite much larger than Maya’s capacity to feel. She recognized the signs of preemptive spiraling but her awareness did not make a difference. 

In her afternoon classes, Maya made up her mind: everyone was right and she was a waste of time at RBU. Maya could not communicate clearly, could not make friends, could not dynamic properly. One week in and she had royally screwed up everything—especially the friend group she had intruded upon. She would have to leave. 

Maya’s only thoughts were consumed by this decision as she made her way back to the dorm. She would go inside and fill out the resignation form and start packing. She paused in the stairwell as her phone buzzed twice; one text from Claire, the other from Alex. Maya opened the latter immediately.

Hey, just heard from Jeffery that you’re on board! Can’t wait to see you xx

She stared at the text for a full minute, trying to remember who Jeffery was and then everything came crashing down around her ears: The bowling alley—a job she was weirdly excited about; the Skee-Ball club—something new she was looking forward to; and Alex—someone she could call an actual friend. A friend she had made entirely on her own. 

These were all things that RBU had made possible, and things Maya didn’t think she would have the strength to do back home. These would be the things she would be giving up on. 

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, Maya’s eyes welled up. She was overwhelmed and if she let her feelings get the best of her, she would end up making a horrible decision. With pure shock and terror, Maya realized she was behaving exactly like her mother. 

Nothing cleared her head faster than that rude awakening. Maya snapped out of it in an instant as she shimmied her key into the door, though the most zealous of her tears managed to slip over the edge of her eyelid. 

The first thing she saw was the shut door of Yessy and Leeland’s bedroom. The second thing was the movement in the kitchen. Maya locked eyes with Yessy who was standing at one of the counters, a book open before her. She watched her roommate’s expression flicker through disappointment and pity, and a sense of foreboding replaced the indifferent calm. 

“Hey,” Yessy said tightly. “I need you to bring me Leeland’s keys.”

As if her brain wasn’t already deep fried, Maya’s thoughts scrambled. 

They knew.

It was all over. 

Maya didn't even have an excuse to give. She was so tired. She did not speak—just a brief close of her eyes before she turned to the couch cushions and began to dig for the malevolent object that awaited her retrieval. The keys did an obnoxious jingle that might as well have divulged her condemnation to the towns square. She wanted to flip them off but Yessy was watching. 

Her penalty for being a little shit was a walk of shame that was infinitely worse than her last one. Each step was made louder by the uncharacteristically swishy pants she wore. It sounded a lot like: 

swish, you’re gonna die, swish.

Maya dropped the keys into Yessy’s upturned palm, not capable of doing anything other than stare at them. 

“Sit down, please,” Yessy quietly ordered. Maya sat. “Are you alright?”

Once again, Maya was completely thrown by the fact that the first thing her friends always seemed to do was check that she was feeling ok. She supposed she could at least provide a genuine answer. 

“Not really,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. Out of the corner of her eye, Yessy nodded.

“Wanna elaborate?”

Maya played a game of Whack-A-Mole in her head like if she stuffed her problems down far enough, she would not have to deal with them, but they came popping back up, begging for her attention. She couldn’t decide which mole to wrangle and toss at Yessy, like if she said “here, catch!” maybe the problem would finally go away. Maybe it was time she tempted fate. 

“I think it would make things better if I just dropped out,” Maya admitted. She didn’t quite believe this thought, but she had seriously considered it not even ten minutes ago. 

Yessy visibly recoiled from the statement like it was an ill-placed sneeze. She dropped the keys on the counter and raised both hands in defeat.

“Maya…why?”

It was validating to hear her crazy thoughts had, indeed, been crazy. Maya did a guilty little smile.

“Well, not really, but like, I think I’ve intruded on your space long enough. I think…,” she cut off her thoughts, afraid to say the next part.

“What?” Yessy pressed.

Maya rolled her eyes. “I think I’m a lot more trouble than I’m worth.” 

At that lovely confession, Yessy actually snorted. The snort turned into a full on laugh.

“Please,” Yessy giggled. “You’ve gotten in trouble, what? Once since you’ve been here?”

Maya stared at her. “Yes and I’ve been here only one week.”

“Maya, I’ve spanked Leeland five times in the last three days,” Yessy laughed. She sobered up very suddenly. “And one of those times I shouldn’t have.”

Maya bit her lip, the anxiety returning full force. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Yessy shook her head. “It’s not your fault that I spanked her for that. I should’ve slowed down and asked why she was being so resistant. That’s not on you. Do you hear me?” Maya gave a very confused, timid nod. “Good. Now, that being said, you should’ve said something before it escalated to that point. Not saying anything would be considered lying by omission.”

There was a pang in Maya’s stomach and she couldn’t tell if it was hunger or dread from Yessy’s words. She had fucking gone off and lied again. This time was an accident but last time was not, and the emails she had sent to Dr. Whippet definitely were not. She had a problem, she was realizing.

“I’m so sorry. I had no clue about her rules and I got scared in the moment,” Maya rambled. “Is…she ok?”

Yessy’s lips twitched. “She’s fine. Happier now and is most certainly going to hold this above my head for the next few months.”

Maya shrank back. She had caused relationship problems. She had caused needless physical pain for Leeland. There was nothing she could do about it now. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. 

“Hey,” Yessy cut-in. “I know. It was a mistake but it’s not the end of the world. It even would’ve been funny if you had spoken up in time.”

“Funny?” Maya asked incredulously.

“Well. Bratty. A cute bratty.”

Maya could not comprehend that those words were strung together. She furthermore could not comprehend what she had just been accused of.

“I’m not a brat,” she uttered. Yessy’s knowing eyes pierced her and Maya stood up, the urge to flee washing over her again. 

“Ok, a lapse of judgment, then,” Yessy corrected. “One that was inappropriate and not without consequences.”

Maya swallowed, now rooted to the spot just as abruptly as she had stood. She nodded solemnly. 

“I will be informing Claire of this,” Yessy continued. “I think you should go wait in your room.”

Maya did as she was told, mortified. She couldn’t believe she had been sent to her room to wait for a spanking like a little child. Her only comfort was that she had the appetite to eat her leftover sandwich from her backpack. 

Now that the room smelled of turkey and mayonnaise, Maya was even more miserable, if full. She sat down at her desk and attempted homework, but she ended up zoned out in a perfect ‘The Thinker’ pose. 

When the knock on her door sounded, it brought heavy relief.  

Claire entered, face inscrutable to Maya who now found it difficult to swallow. Saying the first word felt wrong, so Maya waited in the thick silence that followed. 

“I spoke with Yessy,” Claire finally said, her tone neither hard nor soft. Maya nodded. “Why don’t you explain to me what happened?”

There was nothing Maya wanted to do less. She wanted the whole thing over with. She wanted to go to bed, despite it only being 5 p.m. 

“There’s nothing to explain,” Maya sighed. 

“I disagree,” Claire disagreed. Her tone slipped into something tighter, making Maya shift in her seat. “You obviously have been struggling with some thoughts and you didn’t move Leeland’s things around for the hell of it, even if that’s what you want to pretend. I’ve got all night and now so do you, so I’m gonna wait until you’re ready to start talking.”

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Claire pulled Yessy’s bamboo wooden spoon from her back pocket and placed it atop the dresser. Maya’s dry mouth was back. She straightened—It was time to be brave. 

“I decided to move Leeland’s things around to fuck with her,” Maya confessed. 

“I gathered. Why did you want to mess with her?”

“She messed with me first,” Maya shrugged. 

Claire took a seat on the bed, still somehow appearing just as terrifying as if she towered over Maya. 

“What did she do?” she asked, bracing. 

Maya felt as though she had gotten Leeland in trouble enough. There was no need to hash out the details. Most of the details were Maya’s fault anyways. 

“Nothing. She didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” Maya recognized Claire’s lips thinning so she said a few more things to appease her. “Um. Just stuff about how my communication skills suck. Case in point,” Maya gestured between them.

This earned her a smile. “Ok. So, you were upset by her, I’m guessing, very rude words and then retaliated by hiding her keys?” 

“It wasn’t that rude,” Maya shrugged again. 

“Well, I’ll let Yessy be the judge of that.” 

“No, you can’t!” Maya shouted. “I’ve already interfered with their dynamic too much. There’s no need to bring that up again. I’m over it.” 

“Please don’t raise your voice at me,” Claire demanded. Maya clamped her mouth shut. “What happened could’ve been prevented by all parties involved. Yessy and Leeland are very steady in their relationship. That is nothing you need to worry about, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya agreed begrudgingly. 

“The things we say to each other matter a lot,” Claire continued. “If Leeland is being rude and making you want to drop out of school then that’s something Yessy and I need to know about.”

Maya closed her eyes and sighed. “She told you about that.” 

“Duh.”

“Leeland didn’t cause those feelings,” Maya rolled her eyes. “I was just being crazy. I’m not going to leave.”

“Why are you dismissing your feelings?” Claire asked sadly. 

Maya didn’t have the faintest clue of what to say to that. She wasn’t ‘dismissing feelings,’ she had overreacted. Her urge to flee in the face of conflict was strong. It was hard, now, to be in her own bedroom when a wooden spoon sat so menacingly on top of her dresser. 

And, somewhere deep inside, Maya still felt like a part of her didn’t belong within a dynamic. She couldn’t be worse at communicating and she knew nothing about healthy practices, but if she wanted to learn, it had to be at RBU. And that was worth staying. 

“I don’t mean to,” Maya muttered. “But then again, I don’t mean to do anything. Just happens.” 

Maya wasn’t sure if she wanted pity, but she was too scared to check Claire’s face for emotion. She ran her hand along the top of her desk and began to trace the lines engraved into it. They waited in silence for a beat. 

“You didn’t mean to get Leeland in trouble,” Claire stated. 

“God, no.”

“And yet you remained silent when we were all standing there.”

“Yes,” Maya said gravely. 

“You lied to all of us by doing that.” 

Maya felt like she could cry again, but she willed her eyes to remain dry as she looked Claire in the face. 

“Yes, I did.” She saw a flicker of pride in Claire’s eyes and tried not to feel too good about that. 

“That earns you a spanking. Do you agree?”

“Yes,” Maya whispered, thoroughly blushing. 

Claire nodded. “Come here then.” 

Maya rose, not trembling at all as she made her way to stand in front of Claire’s knees. She hated this. Claire was always slow when she wanted her to be fast, and always fast when she wanted her to be slow. To her surprise (always to her surprise), Claire reached out and grabbed both of Maya’s hands in hers. 

“You deserve to be here the same as everyone else despite your skillset,” Claire started. “I was upset with you earlier about communication. But I know you really struggle with that, and I think that if it's something that we work on together, then you and I will both feel a lot better about navigating this dynamic.”

Maya imagined a halo had to be radiating behind her, unable to hide in the shroud of being seen and known by someone she sought the approval of. Someone she cared for. Someone who was about to spank the daylights out of her ass. 

“What did you have in mind?” Maya asked. 

“Well, for starters, we just need to talk more. Share our thoughts and feelings—especially if they’re negative, and maybe you could stop pretending that eating lunch with me is the worst thing in the world.”

“Yeah, ok,” Maya sniffed. “I’m gonna need help though. I don’t know how to do that unprompted.”

Claire’s hands tightened. “I know. It’s my job to help you.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded. She wasn’t entirely sure she could manage, but maybe her life would stop feeling like an uphill battle. 

The word uphill turned into upturned as Maya soon found herself bent over Claire’s thigh. She rested her elbows on the bed and tried to hide her face as much she could as Claire divested her of her clothing. 

There was an arm snaked around her middle and then the first smack landed right in the center of her right cheek. A matching smack was planted on the left. They weren’t harsh, but they were certainly there and loud. 

Maya felt her entire body flush as the fact that everyone was able to hear her punishment settled over her. She wanted to complain of unfairness but then she remembered that she had listened to Leeland get hers not once but twice that morning as she sat idly by. 

It was as if Claire was having the same thoughts because she ramped up the sting and started lecturing. 

“When you decide to play a prank on someone, you need to do your research first.” The smacks migrated lower, Maya jolting from impact. “Pranks can be funny but it goes too far when someone gets hurt.” 

Maya concentrated on her breathing as Claire began a volley of very fast, very stingy smacks to her sit spots. The round lasted a solid twenty seconds, causing Maya to let forth an embarrassing pained squeak before Claire let up and turned her attention back to the full part of Maya’s bum. 

Maya wriggled for a moment at the continued onslaught, the break between each smack longer but just as stingy. 

“You need to settle,” Claire said softly. 

“You expect me to settle right now?” Maya panted between shallow breaths. 

A smack to her thigh let her know that, yes, Claire did expect her to settle. Maya grunted with effort, but it was all undone when Claire returned a moment later to provide Maya’s thighs with the same attention she had offered the sit spots. 

Maya let loose a stream of expletives and shifted up on her elbows, her legs dancing like the action would do anything at all to evade the ongoing attack. Claire gave an irritated huff and then repositioned so that she could lock her right leg over both of Maya’s. 

Maya buried her head into her duvet, the embarrassment catching up to her. The feeling of having to surrender made her hyper focused on the spanking and the immense building pain in her ass. Her breath turned ragged as Claire went back over every inch of smacked skin with a scorching fine attention to detail. 

Eventually, Maya was placed on her knees on the floor, staring up at Claire. Her eyes were wet and her butt was burning and her chest was heaving with the effort not to dissolve into tears. Claire tucked a loose strand of hair behind Maya’s ear. 

“Go and bring me the spoon,” Claire ordered with a point to the dresser. 

At this, a tear slipped down Maya’s cheek which she became irrationally angry with, but this anger gave her the inspiration to be able to stand and retrieve the spoon, bare ass to the wind. Maya had received a small oak paddle a few times at her old school but she was not familiar with any other implement, her experience desperately lacking. 

She brought it back quickly, not wanting to prolong her spanking any further. She was ready to toss herself back over but Claire wanted to talk. Annoyed, Maya tugged her shirt down as far as it would go as she waited. 

“How are you feeling right now?” Claire prompted. 

“So amazing,” Maya snarked. 

Claire’s hand reached out and smacked her outer thigh, although her AP was smiling as she did so. 

“That’s a lie,” Claire stated. “The very reason I’m about to blister your bottom with this spoon.” She held up the wooden demon. “We’re working on our communication, yeah? What are you feeling right now?”

Maya sighed. “I’ve never had the spoon before,” she ground out. “I’m nervous, I guess.”

“Very good,” Claire praised. “This spoon is thin so it’s going to be particularly stingy. It’s not very big so the pain will be more concentrated than what you would expect from a paddle. You have your safewords if you feel overwhelmed. Do you need to take a break?” 

“No,” Maya whispered as she admired the carpet. 

Claire tapped her chin. Reluctantly, she drew her gaze back up. 

“How should you address me when I’m in charge?” Claire asked gently. 

“No, ma’am,” Maya corrected. 

“Thank you. This next part is for lying. When you conceal information from others, it ultimately causes harm. You do not lie to anyone in this house.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Maya answered dutifully. 

She was bent back over and to her complete dismay, her legs were locked in place again. The first smack from the spoon was enough to make her eyes that had dried, wet once more. 

Six smacks were delivered, one for each cheek, sit spot, and thigh. Maya yelped at the last two. 

“Lying hurts,” Claire lectured plainly, a smack after each sentence. “Lying hurts feelings. You know it hurts my feelings when you lie to me. Imagine how Leeland feels. You lied to her and you lied to Yessy and you stood there while you allowed that lie to cause pain.”

Maya felt a few tears dislodge and her throat became unbearably tight as she fought not to start sobbing. Claire was right and the pain was concentrated, her sit spots throbbing from the relentless attention it was being given. Her fighting spirit also seemed to dislodge with the tears, and she sank partially into the mattress, partially into Claire. 

“When you lie, it puts strain on the relationship you have built. You may not go around and strain your relationships just because you’re hurt or annoyed. Does this sound familiar? Cause it should.”

She whined, not wanting to be reminded of how she had intentionally lied last week to get under Claire’s skin. That didn’t fly.

Claire walloped the spoon down in a twin showcase of displeasure onto her thighs. 

“What was that?” Claire demanded.

“Yes, ma’am,” Maya miserably answered. She was giving way into tears, her shoulders shaking. 

“Yeah, it looks like we have a pattern here. If you can’t keep lies out of your mouth then I have some soap to help wash them away.”

Maya cringed. She didn’t think it would be very helpful to point out that she hadn’t used her mouth to lie, so she kept silent. Well, as silent as she could through her crying. 

Claire delivered fifteen more rapid fire swats straight to the sit spots (go figure) and then set down the spoon with finality. 

They were each still for several moments, Maya coming to terms with the fact that she would never sit down properly again. It took some coaxing but eventually Maya did stand and fix her clothes, and she accepted a long lasting hug. 

With difficulty, she shared a thought.

“Leeland hates me.”

Claire pulled away to look her in the eyes. “She does not.”

Maya dismissed this. “I would hate me.”

Claire made the cutest pout face in the world and Maya had to look away to hide from the fact that she was catching feelings. 

“How about you write her a letter? Get all your thoughts on one page.”

“An apology letter?” Maya raised an eyebrow.

“You should definitely include an apology in there,” Claire nodded. 

“Ok,” Maya agreed.

She rubbed her cheeks free of any remaining tears and stood awkwardly, not sure what to do next. Claire smiled. 

“I said you would get to choose the something fun this time.”

Maya only had one thing in mind. “Pride and Prejudice?”