Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Picture this: Two personalities come together. One is known for pushing boundaries and seeing what he can get away with. The second is known for enabling such behavior for the sake of content. 

Now I ask you: Was there ever even a possibility that this encounter wouldn’t end in Gay Chicken?

Either way, Kole was out of his depth. He was up against an actual celebrity, nearly ten years his senior. Jackson had decades of experience when it came to in-your-face flirting and kissing dudes with nothing but plausible deniability between their lips. Kole had nothing but his mic, which was beginning to smell like people’s mouths even after changing the fuzzy head a million times.

Or maybe he was smelling Jackson, whom he was trying to ignore. Kinda hard to do that considering he was two inches from his face, panting, with his giant arm slung around Kole’s shoulders. It was weird how Kole was standing on a stage, surrounded by people and with a massive crowd in front of him, but it might as well have only been the two of them. He was used to constructing a bubble with the randoms he interviewed in the street. Shrinking the whole of Japan to just him, the cameraman, and whatever degenerates he’d found for the night. 

Jackson seemed to be cut from the same cloth, but with different stitches. He knew how to be the center of attention, make you feel like he’s the whole world, right in front of you. Don’t take your eyes off him. Don’t even think about it. 

Kole catches his gaze. It’s unmistakably hungry. He falters, unconsciously touching Jackson’s hand. Jackson gives him room to breathe. His arm slides off and Kole half expects it to wrap around his waist instead. He’s disappointed when it doesn’t.

Kole chases after Jackson, grabs him himself, calls him his husband. All in an attempt to one-up him. He wants this game of gay chicken to continue.

He can joke all he wants. His deadpan humor can’t hide the fact that he wants Jackson to keep going.

….for content….

“There’s a clip of us with 131k likes on twitter,” Kole informs him over drinks. They’re not the only ones there, but they have the most to talk about. He kinda hates the clip in question, even if he’d posted the original vid it’d been taken from. His face is stupid and he looks tiny, but he can’t exactly ask Jackson to do a retake of him cracking his back.

“131k like? Wooow,” Jackson shakes his head as he says it. He doesn’t give a shit.

“There’s another with 300k,” Kole looks at him over his glasses. “We’re pretty popular.”

“What exactly are we popular for?”

“They want you to put a baby in me,” Kole shrugs. “Maybe you can word it better,”

“Chemistry? We look good together?”

“Yeah, it's all over twitter,”

Jackson nods. “I saw a video of you on TikTok. You were like,” he gestures at his own chest. “Shirtless, and in a maid costume, I think,”

“What, like on your For You Page?”

“Yeah,”

“Isn’t that catered to what you watch and stuff?”

“Yeah.” Jackson said firmly. “I know. Just saying you looked good,”

Kole squints at him. Jackson wasn’t gonna make it easy to embarrass him. Kole wondered if he’d have the upper hand at all tonight.

Jackson turns away to take a shot and is back in Kole’s space before he even swallows it. He gets close, right next to his ear. “You know I don’t care about numbers, Kole. I don’t care if people like us, I just care if we like us, you know?”

Jackson was still talking, but Kole was checked out. He was too busy looking around at everybody at the table and in the bar. All those people, and yet he had Jackson all to himself. He smiles. 

Jackson Wang, who was nearly curled up against him, and had his lips to his ear. 

They could be mean and flirt with each other all night, and Jackson could win every single time. But Kole would be the real winner simply because he had Jackson. 

“Are you listening?”

Kole blinked, coming back to reality to see Jackson was, again, right in his face. He tried to come up with something witty, but his mind was blank thanks to the fact that Jackson smelled fantastic. Whether it was an aftershave, or cologne, or just how he smelled naturally, it had this power of being…distracting. “I didn’t hear a word you said,”

Jackson’s lips curled inward with slight frustration. He gave a short nod and turned away.

And suddenly there was a hand on Kole’s knee. A presence that he didn’t know how to proceed with. He leans back and gives himself room to…spread his legs a little. Just to stretch, if anything.

Jackson takes that as his cue to slide his hand up a bit higher, unseen under the table, but not unfelt by Kole. Their entourage was busy entertaining each other, paying no mind to them. Why would they? Kole was composed, watching Jackson pour himself a drink with one hand while the other was squeezing his thigh. 

He lightly bit his lip, waiting patiently as Jackson downed another shot. He played with the shot glass between his fingers before setting it down, sighing deeply. 

Then his hand was gone. Like it was nothing but a prolonged friendly pat. 

Or maybe he just chickened out.

Kole’s eyes dart from his lap, to Jackson, back to his lap, and then to Jackson’s lap. 

And then he nonchalantly places his hand on Jackson’s leg, curling his fingers into his inner thigh. Jackson closes his eyes, giving no real reaction outside of his thigh flexing. Not a moment later, he opens his eyes and pours himself another drink. There wasn’t any opposition. He wouldn’t even look at Kole, save for a quick glance that Kole nearly missed himself. He was indifferent. 

Kole scoffed. Matching the energy wasn’t enough, he needed to make a move he’ll probably regret later.

As Jackson raised his glass, Kole’s hand followed in time, and just as it met his lips, Kole’s hand found itself on top of his crotch.

There was a moment he thought Jackson might actually do a spit take, but instead he just jolted against his touch, nearly spilling his drink and ramming his knee so hard into the table, it was a wonder nobody turned to see what the commotion was about. Kole pulls his hand back. He hadn’t even touched Jackson for more than a second but the damage was already done.

Jackson looks at him, and his face is blank. 

Kole feels like he fucked up somewhere in this exchange. But it hasn’t quite hit him yet. Either way, he opens his mouth to apologize, but Jackson stops him by raising a single finger.

And then he wouldn’t look at him for another thirty minutes and Kole was left to simmer in the fact that he probably messed up irreversibly with Jackson fucking Wang.

But then, all of a sudden, renowned party boy of the 21st century decides to cut the night short. He stands up, and graciously pays for everyone's drinks, mumbling that he was gonna turn in early, and he grabs Kole by the shirt and drags him out with him.

He doesn't give Kole a chance to stop him until they're out of the bar and into the street. 

"Where the fuck are we going?" By now, he's still under the impression that Jackson lowkey wants to beat him up for grabbing his cock.

"Tour bus," Jackson hasn't slowed down, and he has his arm tight around Kole, making sure he's able to keep up with his short legs considering he's 5'nothing.

"What are we gonna do on the tour bus?"

"What am I gonna do to you?"

That wasn't what he asked, but he nods anyway, a nervous smile creeping along his face.

Jackson shrugs. "I'll think about it,"

He doesn't think for long. Before Kole knows it, he's shoved into the dark bus with Jackson right behind him, closing the door on his way in. 

"Look man, I'm sorry I did that," Kole nervously spouts his apology, wondering if it was already too late and if he was about to get his shit rocked. He can barely see and Jackson doesn't even bother turning on a light. All they have to work with is the streetlight coming in from the windows. "I overstepped a whole bunch of boundaries, and I shouldn't have done that to you in public,"

Jackson tilts his head. "Maybe. But...it's not like I wasn't all over you for the past six hours."

"Y-Yeah, but like...I should have gotten permission, or consent you know, I think I went too far,"

"...what the fuck do you want me to do? What else do I need to say to make it clear I want you to touch me? I'm all for it, even if it's a bit risky,"

Kole pauses. He thinks before he speaks for the first time tonight. "I don't get it,"

Jackson steps towards him, and Kole is backed into the wall. He hits it with a light thud and is pressed as flat as he could possibly be against it, and Jackson is still moving closer.

A slight gasp leaves Kole, his breath picking up involuntarily. "Oh shit, you..." he laughs. "You really wanna do this?"

"Don't you wanna do this?" Jackson asks. "You grabbed my dick in the middle of a bar. I figured you wanted it. In fact, it's almost like you were impatient,"

Kole licks his lips. He doesn't wanna lose gay chicken...

He slides a hand up to Jackson's neck and drags him down, but his sudden confidence dwindles fast, and he's too chicken to close the remaining gap. Jackson does it for him. He's almost a head taller than Kole, and he has to lean down to do it. Their lips connect all for one second before Kole feels like he can't breathe. An embarrassing noise escapes him as he pushes Jackson back. He gasps, his breath unsteady and his heart pounding. 

He's growing aroused, and he doesn't know what to do about it. Just one kiss and he's already at a semi. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go but he does nothing to change it as he places both of his hands on either side of Jackson's face and pulls him back for another kiss. Jackson is rougher this time, their lips smacking in the dark as they twist against the other. Kole is somehow flattened further into the wall, his nose smushed into Jackson's cheek, and his glasses digging into his face. They seemed to have been bothering Jackson too, enough for him to break the kiss and grab them from Kole's face. 

Kole's heart skips a beat. Without his glasses and hair, he can't hide the fact that he looks like Larry the Cucumber. Jackson doesn't seem to care, folding his glasses and pinning them to his tank top.  Kole's always wanted to get pink eye from Jackson's sweaty pecs, so this was a great turn of events. 

And then Jackson bends his knees, his arms wrapping around Kole in a tight hold. Before he could even process what was happening, Jackson hoists him up. His legs instinctively wrap around Jackson's waist, and he's holding on for dear life as Jackson cranes his neck to reconnect their kiss. Kole reciprocates with a new found enthusiasm, and earns Jackson Wang's tongue in his mouth. Kole doesn't try to meet him halfway, and is happy enough with just sucking on his tongue.

Jackson carries him to the buses seating and drops him there. Kole grunts on impact, and Jackson lets that be the only noise to escape him as he's right back on him. He brushes his finger along Kole's lips, and Kole opens right up for him again.  

Jackson smiles. "小白脸. 我错过你了,"

Kole doesn't know what the fuck he just said, and he's not allowed to ask since Jackson kisses him immediately after. Kole takes the initiative to stick his tongue in Jackson's mouth this time around, trying to have some sort of dominance in this encounter and not be such a submissive little bitch. He'll fight it as hard as he can, even as he moans a little bit and grinds up into the man on top of him.

Jackson grabs his hip, his fingers digging into Kole's skin and spurring him on. His dick is aching. He doesn't know how he got this hard this fast, and his mind's too buzzed to think properly outside of the friction he gets from rubbing against Jackson. He can't believe he's doing this. Would this count as an upgrade to his reputation? Going from a Tiktok street interviewer to Jackson Wang's wasian boy toy? Who whimpers and ruts against him like he's desperate for it? He can't even brag about banging Jackson Wang because of how needy he's fucking being right now, he's gotta chill.

Except Jackson's too quick for him, breaking the kiss just so he could bite at Kole's bottom lip. It's hard enough that Kole's uncertain of whether it'll turn purple by morning. The hand that's on his waist suddenly drags to the front of his pants, squeezing in between where their crotches are practically glued together. Kole moans as Jackson palms him. He can't help it. And just when he thinks it can't get any worse, Jackson shoves his hand down his pants. Kole can't take it. The feeling of his hand on his bare cock is too much. He's not fast enough to shove Jackson away before he comes in his pants. 

Jackson sits up without a word. They're both breathing heavily, and Kole wants to die when he sees how wet Jackson's hand is as it reflects in the light. He doesn't die. Instead he lays there, looking up at Jackson as he raises his hand to look at it himself.

"Like I said. Impatient,"

"Fuck you," Kole snaps. He's out of breath, and there's nothing but malice behind it. Both of his hands are still pressed against Jackson's chest from where he shoved him.

"Fuck you?" Jackson asks with a bit of confusion in his voice. Kole can tell it's not genuine, though.

"Yeah, fuck you,"

Jackson hums, and then brings his hand up to his mouth to suck it clean. "You're funny,"

Kole can't see the expression on his face. He can't see shit without his glasses period. They're dangling from Jackson's shirt, and he makes no moves to grab them. Jackson must see him looking, and unclips them from his top to place them on a makeshift kitchen table above Kole's head. He wonders why he put them there before Jackson takes his shirt off right after. He's given the glorious view of Jackson stretching over him. His beautiful six-pack and gorgeous pecs are all there for Kole to drink in. He could come again right now if he had no self-respect. Jackson tosses his shirt away, and now he's close enough to see again. His arms are pressed into the cushion below them, and he starts to rock against Kole. He's almost shoved off again, but Kole loses the strength to do it halfway there.

"What the fuck are you trying to do to me?" 

Jackson snorts right in his face. "Can I put a baby in you?"

Kole can't help but laugh airily. It's so stupid.

"It's what they want right?" Jackson continues. "And you're a sucker to please, aren't you, Kole?"

"I thought you didn't give a shit about what people want,"

"Okay, then I want it then,"

"Oh, fuck," Kole groans. "You're serious?"

"Deadly. Can I fuck you?"

"Shit," Kole shuts his eyes, almost like he couldn't bear to see himself say it. "Yeah. Go ahead,"

He immediately hears Jackson unbuttoning his pants. The zipper might as well be a gunshot in the quiet tour bus. 

He's gonna put his dick in me He's gonna put his dick in me He's gonna put his dick in me He's gonna put his dick in-

Kole hears a baggy and opens his eyes to see Jackson closing the cupboard above them. He squints to see that there's condoms and lube in it.

"You do this often?" His squint turns into an accusatory glare.

"Maybe," Jackson pays him little mind as he busies himself with the lube.

"I don't know about this..." Kole mumbles sarcastically. "I don't know where you've been,"

"You wanna come with me then?"

Kole's heart flutters. "Fuck you,"

"I'm serious,"

"And what? Be your fuck-toy for this tour?"

"If that's what you want," Jackson smiles down at him, his eyes flicking from his face to his waist. "Pull your pants down, will you?"

Kole grits his teeth but shimmies up to pull his pants down all the same. His underwear is the worst part. It's sticky against his skin as he peels it off. Kole can see Jackson is looking at his dick, and regrettably squints to see him licking his lips. It's enough to jump start his cock into a semi. And Jackson fucking smiles at it. Kole decides he's had enough and flips himself over, letting Jackson have at his incredibly toned butt.

He's gripping the cushion in anticipation but it's not enough to stop him from jolting as Jackson sticks a lubed finger up his ass. His pants are around his ankles, and he can't move much. He's basically stuck there as Jackson fingers him open. All he can really do is smack a hand over his mouth to stop himself from moaning.

"Don't worry, I'll make it quick," 

Jackson's words offer little comfort. If anything they just make Kole more horny by reminding him he's gonna get fucked in two minutes. He doubts Jackson would wait any longer, considering Kole could feel how hard he was against the back of his leg. Now all those flirtatious encounters made sense. All those quick glances, and lip licking, and borderline gropings paint the obvious picture that Jackson has been wanting Kole underneath him for a while now. Kole wonders how much of it was planned on Jackson's part, and how much he just made happen himself. The dick grabbing was definitely his fault. And the back cracking. And he kinda did start the flirting a lot of the time. Or all of the time.

Actually, this might all be his fault. 

Now there's a second finger in his ass working him open and ohhhh nooooo. Holy fuck he can't let this happen. He can't let Jackson Wang make him come multiple times. Fuck, fuck, fuck, is he gonna ruin the seats? How many times do tour busses get cleaned anyway?

On that thought, he's suddenly not as aroused and decides to pull his head up from where his face was pressed against the seating. Jackson notices and stops.

"You good?"

"I'm gonna fucking come again," he pants, sitting up in a daze. "How many people have you fucked in here?"

Jackson sucks on his bottom lip shyly. "Would you believe me if I said just you?"

"Dawg, nobody would fucking believe that, be serious,"

"Alright fine, a couple, but I swear to God it's clean. Who do you think I am?"

"How do you say "A slut," in Chinese?"

Jackson's idea of a response to that is grabbing him by the back of the neck and pinning him down. His fingers are way rougher now, scissoring him loose so mercilessly that Kole thinks he might actually hate him. All he can do is grunt and hold on the best he can as Jackson preps him for what was no doubt gonna be the fucking of his life. He's given grace when Jackson finally removes his fingers, but his other hand stays planted firmly on his neck. Kole can envision his torso. His stupid Team Wang underwear as he shoves them down to expose his cock. He can hear Jackson pumping his erection, how slick it is. It's not a surprise when Jackson slides it in no problem, stuffing Kole with his cock.

Kole squeezes his eyes shut, and his throat tightens. His hand fumbles to cover his mouth before he makes any noise, but he's lost all sense of control. His fingers tangle in his own hair, and he pulls at his bangs just to distract himself from Jackson on top of him. He's never had anything in his ass before. It's an honor that it's Jackson Wang of all things, but it's still something entirely new that he doesn't quite know how to adjust to. All he knows is that it's not enough.

"Oh, fuck...fuck," Kole whines and presses back against Jackson. He has no idea what Jackson's doing. He doesn't give a shit. He just needs him to move, or fucking do anything but just sit still and watch Kole wreathe in need. "Fuck, Jackson. Can you- fuck, hurry up and fuck me, holy shit,"

He doesn't mean for it to come out as demanding as it did. It's better than outright begging, but still. 

Jackson moves, but only to lean down, putting his lips to Kole's ear. 

"You're kind of rude when you got a cock in you,"

"Do you want me to say please or something?"

"I'm just not used to you being so honest. Usually you got like..." he shrugs, and Kole can hear the smile on his face as he talks. "A wall of irony around you. Makes you hard to read,"

"Your fucking dick is in my ass. You're fucking me, for fucks sake, Jackson," Kole is nearly yelling into the seat in which his cheek is pressed against. "If you're gonna be like that, then get the fuck off me-"

He thrashes once and Jackson flattens him entirely. It clearly takes some effort as he spits out "Fine...骚货,"

Kole gets what he wants and he hates it even more than his previous circumstance. Jackson's thrusts were given out of spite, it seems. They were insistent, and Kole would call them mean if you asked him about it. Jackson was bullying him with his cock. It was amazing, but he wasn't making it easy on Kole. These were the thrusts of a man who was fed up with him, and Kole wonders if he should have been nicer earlier. If he should have been less of a tease, and maybe not act like a carrot on a stick considering it came back to bite him in the ass. 

Or maybe Jackson was gonna be this rough anyway, and it was completely unavoidable. This is probably their one and only hook up, and Jackson has been wanting that cookie for months, so if you do the math, 1+1= he's gonna fuck the shit out of Kole.

Kole only had a vague idea of what a prostate was coming onto the bus, and now he's gonna leave knowing the exact same amount about it, but Jackson is somehow gonna know the ins and outs of Kole's specifically, which cannot be fair. But it was fair. They're trading knowledge of each other, and Kole gets to learn the exact dimensions of Jackson's wang. How long it is, its thickness, the diameter of the tip. He gets to keep this with him forever as it drills into him. And Jackson's tour bus seats get to keep Kole's scratch marks as he rakes his fingers across the leather.

"You're tight," Jackson informs him. Kole can only imagine the heaven he's currently in. His cock enveloped in the wet pressure of Kole's ass.

In the back of Kole's mind, he kinda wants to inform him that he's his first in regards to anal. But Jackson probably doesn't wanna hear it. He doesn't seem like the type to have a conquest mentality over people. But Kole knows he'll never be able to put anything up there ever again without thinking about Jackson Wang. It's something he'll have to live with, so why shouldn't Jackson? Maybe he'll let him know as soon as he's able to speak. Right now, all his voice is good for is moaning uncontrollably, cursing, and biting into the seat. He's really tearing that thing up, and so is Jackson, just in a different regard. If Kole had known Jackson was gonna have his way with him tonight, he would've shaved.

And he hates that he's good at it. He hates that he's about to come again from being fucked in the ass. The only thing saving his pride is that he hadn't came earlier. Jackson could make him come twice all he wanted, but Kole would rather die than let Jackson bring him to orgasm three times all in one hook-up. Kole wasn't that much of a slut.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna come," his words were stuttered thanks to Jackson's steady strokes. Kole's cock is rubbing against the leather seats involunatirly, his whole body being rocked back and forth with how forceful Jackson was being. And his ass was kinda starting to hurt with each smack of impact from Jackson's hips. Basically Jackson was being a pain in the ass. And none of it was enough to stop Kole's incoming orgasm.

"You're gonna come again? Really?" Jackson sounded disappointed. "You get two when I haven't even gotten one?"

Kole starts to shake. He's not in the mood to be teased. He honeslty can't stand anything other than Jackson's cock coaxing him towards an orgasm at the moment. "うるせーなー! J-Just shut up!"

Jackson does the opposite. "Something I've learned throughout this whole thing is that you can't keep the nonchalant act up when you're getting fucked,"

Kole isn't hearing a word he's saying. He has no intentions of listening and starts kicking at Jackson to let him up just enough to get on his hands and knees. Here, Jackson can grab his waist and bounce him on his cock. Kole keeps his head low with his bangs in his face.

"I just kinda hope you stop trying to be so cool, because it really isn't worth it in the end-"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kole flips his hair up. He's too agitated for this.

"It's just some advice. I'd tell you to not take it personally, but that defeats the whole point of giving you advice in the first place."

"Any particular reason you wanted to give it now?" Kole's sentence was embarrassingly ended with a moan. He wasn't gonna last much longer.

"I don't know when I'm gonna see you again..." Jackson pants. "And I'm about to...come too,"

"I thought you'd have more endurance," Kole remarks. "Weren't you gonna be an Olympian?"

"Okay, shut up, no more talking,"

Jackson came first, but Kole was a close second. In the end, he had to jerk himself off, feeling how his insides were painted white and how Jackson was trying to lowkey cuddle when it was obvious there was no room to do so. Kole entertained him anyway (after he was done whimpering softly as he came into his hand, feeling Jackson's eyes all over him.) He let Jackson tightly spoon him for a little bit, letting him get it out of his system because he was right. They didn't know when they'd see each other again

And then Kole gets bored and weakly reaches up and grabs the lube bottle. He probably shouldn't, but he brings it to his lips like he would a mic.

"Who's your oshi in TokyoSims?"

He passes it to Jackson, who pauses for thought. "Swhite."

Kole leaves the bus with his ruined briefs in hand, and his pants sagging just enough for his new Team Wang underwear band to show. Like a reeeaaal champion.

Chapter Text

It’s been three months since Jackson and Kole had their encounter. Kole has his number, but he can’t bring himself to do anything with it. But he has to. But he can’t just fucking text Jackson Wang and expect him to be at his beck and call. But he fucking has to. This isn’t something he can just say over the phone without sounding insane.

But every time he types something out he ends up deleting it. It’s hard to get a message out when he can’t even work up the courage to send it. He doesn’t even know where Jackson is right now. He could be in a completely different time zone right now. Kole’s midday text could have a completely different vibe if Jackson received it at 3am, but he can’t wait forever.

Kole: you need to come to japan. i need to talk to you.

or just fly me out to wherever

and it’s serious

i need to see you 

Kole held his phone for a second, and just as he decided to set it down, Jackson started typing.

Jackson Wang: Okay. I’ll fly in from Shanghai tonight.

Oh shit. I mean, it was convenient but holy shit. Kole thought he’d have maybe a week to prepare, or at least a day, not a couple hours. He hadn’t even thought about how he was going to talk to him. No matter how hard he thinks, the words evade him like how bisexual rumors evade Jackson despite him saying a whole bunch of bisexual stuff all the time.

But it’s fine. All he needs to do is find the first words, and then the hardest part is already done. He just needs to start.

…okay, it’s been like a couple hours, and he still doesn’t know how he’s gonna bring up the fact that he’s-

Knock Knock

Oh shit, and Jackson’s here. All Kole has is a stack of papers on his counter and butterflies in his stomach when he goes to answer the door. He had sent Jackson his address right after he got the “Just landed” text because there wasn’t exactly a better place to talk, and Kole was already asking a lot of him. Genuinely, how big of an asshole would he be if he told Jackson to book a hotel after making him fly out? 

But Kole can’t lie. The thought is very tantalizing when he opens the door and it hits him that Jackson Wang really is at his apartment. He’s got sunglasses and a mask on, which is very courteous of him, but Kole drags him in just in case somebody recognizes him from the back.

He shuts the door a little harder than he meant to and presses his back against it as if Jackson might try to escape.

He’s not though. He’s just casually looking around as he takes his mask off. 

Jackson is all smiles when he sees him. “Nice place,” 

Kole doesn’t say anything because he’s still trying to find those first words. Or any words for that matter. Jackson’s smile twitches awkwardly, and he turns away. 

“Um,” his hand reaches up to scratch his head. “So how's it going?”

Kole takes a deep breath. “Weird,”

“Weird how? Weird like this?” Jackson gestures offhandedly. 

“Way weirder, actually,”

Kole can tell Jackson is starting to get nervous. He finally steps towards him and points to the pile of papers on the counter. Both of them walk towards it.

“I’m sorry for contacting you out of nowhere,”

“It’s cool. I just thought we were gonna…hookup again,” he pauses when he sees the papers. “I didn’t really expect all of this,”

“Yeah, sorry,” Kole quietly apologizes again before sighing. He starts rubbing his eyes. “I’ve, uh…I’ve been sick these past couple of months,”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it was really bad. It kept happening every time I woke up, and it literally wouldn’t stop, so I thought I had some kind of cancer after a couple weeks,” Kole slides his hand off his eyes to hold his own cheek, and finds a terrified looking Jackson. “Don’t worry, I don’t actually have cancer,”

Jackson nods. “That’s good. Did you find out what was wrong?”

Kole taps his foot and stares at the papers for a moment, and then drags one out from the pile. “They did some testing trying to figure it out, and I got a bunch of blood work done,” he grits his teeth, trying to find the nerve to say it. “They found, uh, hCG,” he points to a specific line in the medical report. “Human Chorionic Gona- whatever that word is. Do you know what it is?”

“Gonadotropin?”

“No, not the word. Do you know what hCG is?”

Jackson purses his lips and shakes his head no. 

“It’s a hormone. It can be produced by certain tumors, but they didn’t find any. And that leaves only one other thing that could be causing it,” 

“Soooo…what is it?”

Kole covers his eyes again. “A placenta,”

He doesn’t know what Jackson’s reaction is based on his immediate expression considering Kole has his eyes covered, and he doesn’t say anything either, so Kole tries to clarify. 

“Which forms around seven days after conception. And I started getting sick about a week after we fucked,”

“Is this a prank?” Jackson asks through a pained laugh. Kole drops his hand just to side eye him and then digs through the pile of papers again. Jackson catches a glimpse of something. “Is that an ultrasound?”

“It is. I got it done two days ago,” Kole hands it over, but not before drawing his attention to the file it was attached to. “And it’s mine. My name is literally on everything. So no, it’s not a prank.”

Jackson accepts the ultrasound and delicately looks it over. He examines the other papers too, spreading them out to see it all in front of him and check that it really was real. After a full minute of silence, he sets the ultrasound down and presses his hands into the counter, looking solemn.  

“...I have a magic dick?”

“I don’t know. Have you gotten any other men pregnant?” 

“Not that I know of,”

“Then I don’t think you’re the special one here,” Kole pats him on the back. 

“How is it-” Jackson scowls. “How is it even gonna come out?”

“I honestly don’t wanna know, but it’s kinda too late to get an abortion now,”

“Well, if it comes down to it, I think you should save yourself, even if it is some weird magic baby,” he’s rambling at this point, no doubt trying to get his bearings with all the new information. His eyes widen all of a sudden. “I think I should check in on some people just to make sure my dick isn’t actually magic,”

“You mean there’s a chance you might have multiple baby daddies out there? I never took you for the type, man,”

Jackson waves him off. “I think I would have heard about it by now, but forgive me for being paranoid,” 

“Well, don’t get too hung up about it because we don’t even know if it’s yours,”

Jackson just stares at him.

“...it could be God’s baby,”

“And is God gonna pay child support?”

“Are you gonna pay child support?”

“I mean…” he croaks, trying not to rush himself and say the wrong thing. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to be in my magic baby’s life,”

“Still don’t know if it’s yours by the way,”

“So did I travel all the way to Japan just to take a paternity test?”

“What’d you think I brought you over here for?”

Jackson shrugs, and there’s a slight smile on his lips. He stands up suddenly and reaches for the bottom of Kole’s shirt where he gives it a little tug. “Are you showing?”

Kole tsks, but lifts it anyway. “I don’t know, man. I mean, I don’t see anything,”

“It’s only been, what? Eight weeks?”

“Nine, I think,”

Jackson hums, his hand sliding around Kole’s bare waist to pull him close. His other arm comes up and finds itself around his shoulders. Kole doesn’t fight the embrace, but he can’t help but notice how giddy Jackson looks.

“What are you smiling for?”

"Am I not allowed to be happy?"

"Depends on what you're happy about. I don't even know how to feel right now, so you definitely shouldn't be jumping for joy,"

"Can I not be happy about other things? I missed you by the way,"

"Yeah, I can tell," Kole deadpans before sliding out from Jackson's grip. This seems to frustrate him.

Jackson huffs. "Can I be serious for a second?"

"Go right ahead," Kole probably should have tried not to come off so dismissive, because all it did was fire up Jackson even more.

"Why am I here? I know you're going through a lot, but I need some transparency right now because from what I can tell, I'm not here for a hook-up, or a paternity test, and I honestly can't even tell if you like me at this point," he raises his hand to stop Kole from interrupting. "Which is fine, but...if I'm not here for any of that, then what for?"

Kole shifts his weight and doesn't even try to look him in the eye. "Does this seem like something I could say over the phone? A fucking text message?"

"Then what now? Do you really just want child support? I'll do that if that's what you want...oh God, how are we even gonna go through the court system with a magic baby-"

"Can we just," Kole scowls. "Slow down? Please? You're the only person who knows about it, and the only one who even knows how it happened, so...I guess what I'm asking for...is for you to be with me just until I figure out what I wanna do, because I didn't even want a baby,"

"Which is totally fine-"

"And where'd you even get the idea I don't like you anymore?"

Jackson stutters. "I mean...you still have that wall of irony around you," he scratches the back of his head before quietly adding, "And you didn't call me afterwards, so I...I don't know. I don't like pushing things if people want their distance, and you're a pretty distant person, Kole. And you don't owe me anything, I just figured that's where we went our separate ways."

Kole crosses his arms. He kinda feels like an asshole even though it was obvious Jackson was trying his best to not make him feel like an asshole. "...if I manage to give birth to this baby and it's not some weird, grotesque fucking demon...you can have it,"

Jackson kinda freezes at that. "You're serious?"

"I know you want kids, and it's your baby, so...a-and I was just trying to be funny earlier. It's 100% yours."

"How do I know it's not between me and an extremely less cool person?" It wasn't a genuine question, but if Kole gets to be unfunny, Jackson gets to be unfunny too. "I mean, if paternity was between Jackson Wang and Not Jackson Wang, I think it'd be an obvious choice,"

"Well then, you understand where I'm coming from...and you aren't allowed to get mad if you find out I lied and it's actually Swhite's baby,"

Chapter Text

Jackson Wang has been sleeping on a futon in Kole’s apartment for a week now. His cat has been livid about it, and Jackson is allergic, so the environment is extremely toxic.

“Please don’t,” he stretches his arm out in an attempt to shoo it off the counter. The cat responds by hissing at him. “Oh my God, please leave. I’m sorry,”

His reflexes kick in just in time as it starts swatting at him. He points an authoritative finger at it, not knowing how to de-escalate the situation. “Don’t you dare!”

The cat ignores all reason and tries to hit him again. It dawns on Jackson that the cat probably doesn’t even speak English. He panics and starts scraping his brain for any Japanese he knows.

“出て行ってください! I’m sorry!” He just wants his breakfast, why does he have to fight for it?

Kole comes to his rescue by walking past him and unceremoniously scooping the cat up to take it to its bowl on the ground, sleepy apologies in tow. “Shit, my bad,”

Jackson notices how groggy he sounds. “I didn’t mean to wake you up,” especially after a night of Shibuya interviews.

“It’s fine, I had to piss anyway,”

Jackson nods, and this is where he should keep his mouth shut and let Kole walk away. “...when are you thinking of taking maternity leave?”

Kole doesn’t have his glasses on, but it's clear he’s not just squinting to see. He gives Jackson a look so dirty it could kill a small child. And that’s all he gives as a response to his question. Jackson sighs. He’s been taking it slow these past couple of days, just as Kole had asked him to. He tries to keep his questions regarding the baby at a minimum as to not overwhelm him. In fact he’s probably only brought it up three times at this point.

He didn’t speak about it after that initial conversation on the first day. Instead, they focused on planning Jackson’s long-term sleepover. If he’s being honest, he really did think he was flying in for a quickie and then heading back to China. He hadn’t expected fatherhood to befall him that random day, but he’s taking it in stride and trying his best not to step on Kole’s toes.

He did bring it up on the second day though, but he hadn’t even meant to. They had been shopping in a local mart with Jackson covered head to toe, trying not to get recognized. Usually he wouldn’t care, but Kole deserved a bit of discretion. It was one thing to be seen filming a couple dumb TikToks together, and another to be seen living together. Kole deserves that bit of privacy, especially when he was getting asked for pictures by a couple strangers all on his own.

Jackson hung back with the cart, trying not to bring too much attention to himself as Kole had his little fan interaction. It must have been too obvious that they were together though, because then they approached Jackson.

“写真をとってくれますか。” Jackson hadn’t expected to be brought into the exchange. He didn’t even know what they were asking of him, but he could infer as they handed him their phone to pose with Kole. Jackson takes their picture and bows silently as a goodbye. He doesn’t know if he was famous enough to get recognized by his voice alone, but it was better to be safe than sorry. 

Kole looks annoyed by the whole thing, and eyes Jackson up and down. He points to his mask. “Think I could borrow one of those?”

Jackson shrugs and wonders if Kole could tell he was smiling under it.

They continue shopping, and Kole picks up something only to put it back after looking it over. 

"Change your mind?" Jackson asks.

"Prices keep going up," Kole doesn't seem too upset by it, but Jackson still can't help himself.

He picks it back up. "I'll pay for it,"

"You don't have to,"

"But I want to-"

"Okay."

Talk about putting up a fight. Kole continues strolling down the aisle, apparently taking Jackson's generosity in stride as he starts picking things up at a greater pace. He's far less conservative when he knows he's not paying, it seems. Jackson just lets him. He was taking responsibility for his actions, and while he had no clue that a sloppy hookup with a cis guy would lead to a less-than-favorable pregnancy, it was still his responsibility. It could have happened with anybody. It didn't matter if he thought there wasn't a chance of him getting pregnant. He could say he didn't expect a pregnancy because he used a condom when having sex with a girl. If it still resulted in such, he had to step up and provide. 

"You wouldn't mind if I looked down the wine aisle, would you?"

Jackson blinks, and it takes his brain a moment to catch up and understand exactly what he was asking. "I-I, I would actually?"

"No balls,"

"W-What," he has to speed up to catch up to Kole. "You're serious?"

Kole looks at him like he's the dumbest person on the planet for being concerned about drinking while pregnant. "Am I not allowed to joke anymore?"

"Oh, man," Jackson rolls his eyes. "I never know with you,"

"It's not like any more would kill it," he must notice by Jackson's body language that he doesn't find it funny. "..still joking."

He doesn't know that Jackson isn't focused on the 'kill it' part. "What do you mean 'any more'?"

Kole gets this wild grin on his face. "I don't know," and then he tries to walk away.

"Kole, what do you mean?"

"You think I'd ever assume I was pregnant? Am I not allowed to be a man in my twenties, enjoying the fact that it's biologically impossible?" He still has that crazy look when he turns around to drop something else in the cart. "I stopped when I found out. You gotta give me some credit,"

Jackson suddenly feels overstimulated and puts his head in his hands. Is this his punishment for putting his dick in just anybody? He'll admit, he was a little careless and unselective when it came to the guys he hooked up with, but if he'd known the risks, he would have stayed out of Shibuya. Sex was supposed to be a healthy, normal thing that was fine to partake in so long as he kept the person he was doing it with at the forefront. Everybody deserves human decency and to be seen as more than an object, just like everybody deserves a healthy sex life without living in shame. God forbid he finds someone sexy and wants to have consensual one-time sex with them. Is it so wrong to have friends with benefits? 

As he's reflecting on his life choices, they come up to the contraceptives aisle, and Jackson dumps a shitload of condoms into the cart. Kole notices, his eyes widening. 

"You need those?"

Jackson side steps the cart and leans into Kole's space. "Every. Single. One."

Maybe he could have made it a little more clear that he had simply learned his lesson and would never put his dick unprotected in someone he wasn't willing to actually get pregnant. But now he realizes it just looks like he wants to fuck Kole into oblivion. He slowly straightens up, thankful for the fact that Kole can't see his face as he cringes at himself, walks back to the cart, and continues on. Kole doesn't make any comment on it outside of smacking Jackson's ass as he walks away. It doesn't get a reaction out of him, and they make it home without another word.

There's now a stack of condoms next to Jackson's futon as a reminder of the incident. 

He sometimes knocks it over whenever he goes to bed, leaving him to shamefully restack them. 

Beyond that, his futon's pretty nice. And it's where he crawls to hide whenever he messes up with his baby daddy. He hadn't expected maternity leave to be a touchy subject. Even if Kole had an unconventional job, he still couldn't do it throughout the entire pregnancy or post-birth. He'd already admitted to working through his initial sickness, even when he thought it was cancer. It wasn't a healthy lifestyle, no matter how much those abs said otherwise.

God, he really did have nice abs. Jackson might've been jealous if he didn't have his own. And beyond Kole's abysmal work habits, Jackson admired his dedication to working out. They'd had this conversation before, making it the second time they've talked about the pregnancy. 

"What do you mean you don't go to the gym?" 

"Shits expensive. If you wanna work out, you can go to the park."

"Really? I can go to the park?"

"My bad," Kole pauses, trying to think of something else Jackson could do. "I guess you could go to the gym. It's not like you'd get swarmed there,"

Jackson sighs and tries to ignore the smell of chicken coming from Kole. "I can get you a membership too, you know," 

Kole looks puzzled. "Is working out bad for the baby?"

"No, working out is actually great for the baby," and now Jackson's wondering if Kole eating so many Famichikis is good for fetus development. He's caught him leaving the house five times already just to get them. Jackson doesn't feel like bringing it up though because Kole also gets Jackson these sugar-free chocolate candies whenever he gets back, and it feels like a fair trade.

Okay, Jackson lied a little bit. He says he's "caught" Kole leaving the house, but in actuality, he just gets hit in the head with a packet of chocolate, and that's how he knows Kole had left the house for a Famichiki and has since returned without him noticing. 

"I think as long as you don't push it, or do anything crazy, you'll be fine," Jackson starts to dig for his phone to look up some benefits for working out while pregnant. "I think I heard somewhere that if you keep active, you're less likely to experience complications during birth, and in some cases, the baby just slides right out,"

"That's the worst thing you've ever said to me,"

Jackson stops looking for his phone and drops his head. "I'm sorry,"

"Like it'd be great if I had a vagina, but now I'm thinking about it coming out and how that's gonna happen,"

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry,"

"You're giving me the ick, man," Kole turns away in disgust in a way that's too over-the-top to be genuine, but Jackson still feels bad. 

"I know, I'm sorry," Jackson reaches out as an apology, grabbing Kole's shoulder and immediately feeling something wet on his fingers. He yanks his hand back. "Did you just lick me?"

"No. I mean yeah, but-" he doesn't even bother finishing his sentence. He's already out of the kitchen and heading to his room. 

"Kole," Jackson calls after him. "You can't just...lick people,"

"You licked me," he yells back over his shoulder.

"When did I ever lick you? I've never licked you,"

"Yes, you did. In my mouth," he turns around and points at his tongue.

Jackson is at a loss for words and just lets him go. It's not like he could deny it anyway.

So those are the three times they've talked about the pregnancy so far. As you can tell, they have absolutely everything planned out down to the last minute detail.

Jackson wonders how long it'll take for Japanese social services to break down the door.

He sighs and shoves his face into his pillow. It's only 6:30am and he already feels tired. He never expected fatherhood to be easy, but he at the very least expected the hard part to start after the baby was already here. Right now he's stuck in this weird situationship, and doesn't feel like he can talk to Kole seriously. He doesn't know where the boundaries are, or where he's allowed to give his opinions on anything, or if Kole secretly fucking hates him for getting him magically pregnant.

Even though he said he didn't, and even though Jackson was literally living with him, it still feels like there's some kind of animosity between them. Jackson wouldn't blame Kole for being angry. Jackson wouldn't wish an unexpected pregnancy on anyone. And he gives all the power to Kole because of that. Whatever choice he makes, Jackson will go with it. If he changes his mind about giving him the baby, that's fine too. But if he decides he doesn't want Jackson there at all...

Outside of his pity party, he feels someone approach the futon. He lifts his head a little to see Kole standing over him.

"Am I a bad mom?"

Oh jeez. Jackson turns over with a huff. "No. Not yet at least,"

"Are you sure? I feel like you're judging me a lot, so if I'm not up to your parenting standards, just tell me."

Jackson perks up at that. "Really? I can talk to you about that?"

"Why wouldn't you be able to talk to me about it?"

"I'm not the one pregnant?" Jackson says as he sits up. "I mean, I don't know what it's like. I don't think I have the right to judge when I'd probably make mistakes too...and maybe get addicted to Famichiki, I don't know,"

"I'm not addicted,"

"You said you had to piss, but I don't remember the bathroom being stocked with candy,"

The chocolate packet in Kole's hand crinkles as he squeezes it. "I didn't eat last night, give me a break,"

"You don't have to eat Famichiki. I could cook,"

"What's the last thing you made for yourself?"

"...I'd rather not say, but there are healthier options out there. I don't have to cook, there are good take-out places-"

"What'd you make? Come on," Kole kicks his foot playfully.

"A piece of meat that looked more like charcoal by the time I was done with it." Jackson confesses. 

Kole laughs at that. He tosses the candy on Jackson's chest and sits on the edge of the futon. "Okay, I'll try and eat healthier. What else should I do?"

Jackson places the chocolates to the side. "I don't blame you for the alcohol thing, and you're not dumb enough to do it again, so there's not much else to say on that,"

"Yeah...anything else?"

"...don't get mad at me again,"

"I wasn't mad at you,"

 "You were, I could feel it,"

"You realize the interviews are Swhites income too, right?" 

"Yes, but I don't think anybody should have to work while pregnant. It feels exploitative," 

"Yeah, well that's what happens when society decides you have to work to live,"

"You don't have to work though. I can take care of you,"

Kole scoffs and shakes his head. "I like doing the interviews. It's way better than a real job, and I don't care if people know I'm pregnant, they'll probably think it's a bit anyway," he argues. "So what's the problem?"

Jackson shrugs defensively. "Nothing's the problem, you can do what you want. I just don't like the idea of you being on your feet all night."

"What? For the baby?"

"For you," Jackson points at him for emphasis. "Don't act like a pregnancy isn't a thing you go through. You're not an incubator, Kole. Having a baby grow in you is a hard fucking thing to do," Jackson stops himself to calm down for a moment, and then gently adds, "And you're doing great at it, don't worry,"

Kole nods, and there's a slight pout to his lips. Jackson was about to say something else, but before he could, Kole starts crawling toward him and situates himself under one of his arms. "You care about me?"

Jackson doesn't know what to do outside of hold him. "...yeah?"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Hm," Kole hides his face by burying it into Jackson's side. "Why'd you even hook up with me in the first place?"

Jackson grimaces openly, knowing Kole couldn't see it. "I liked your confidence, and I thought you were hot,"

"Why my confidence?"

Good to know he didn't need any reassurance about his looks. "I like confidence. I look for it. I need it sometimes," he sighs. "I don't like feeling like I'm overstepping anything, especially as someone who's well known-"

"A celebrity?"

"Sure, why not. But I know there's dynamics, and I don't want to take advantage of anyone, so confidence is key in making me feel comfortable enough to pursue, I guess," 

"...you ever think about doing it again?"

Jackson squeezes is eyes shut. "Um...sometimes, but I feel like our relationship changed when you got pregnant, and I don't know where we are now in regards to that,"

"Do you think it'd make twins if we did it twice?"

"I don't think that's possible with a normal pregnancy, but you're not exactly normal, so I don't know." Jackson chews on the inside of his mouth, trying to self-soothe. "Do you wanna risk it?"

"Maybe later...I'm tired,"

"O-Okay, I'll talk to you then,"

Kole was probably asleep before Jackson even responded. It was fine though. And it was nice having a quiet moment between him, Jackson, and Jackson's boner which is just gonna have to kill itself for the moment.

Chapter Text

It takes a great effort for Jackson to slink out from under Kole without waking him up, but he manages. He'd love to cuddle, but the day just started, and he doesn't wanna waste it. He quietly gets dressed before checking his phone and wincing. It's already 7. It's not like he has any place to be, but he still feels like he's late. He starts to tiptoe away before stopping. Should he say goodbye? Give Kole a little forehead kiss as he sleeps? Are they even at that level yet? Kole did say he wanted to have sex, but that doesn't mean they're on good enough terms to give each other forehead kisses.

Why is Jackson even thinking about that? 

He swallows, alone and embarrassed. He shakes his head free from all those weird kissy thoughts and continues sneaking out of the apartment.

The streets weren't too crazy with people, but Jackson still had his mask on when he walked to the gym. And he kept it on as he worked out just to be safe. Again, usually he wouldn't care, but now he has to. He channels all his pent-up energy into the weights. All of his frustrations, excitement, and anything else he can think of, just to take his mind off how touch-starved he is. It's been a week since he's hugged anybody, he may pass away from the lack of affection. It's not like he isn't already going crazy because of it and wanting forehead kisses. The only thing keeping him going was those chocolates, and he doesn't even eat them. There's a dozen of them stuffed under his futon. He ate the first one Kole gave him, but then he wouldn't stop getting all those Famichikis, and it was just so excessive, but it was the thought that counts, and Jackson has nothing but gratitude towards the sweets. 

Now, Jackson was just being dramatic; he'll live if he isn't cuddled. He knows how to be alone. He just wished Kole was more prone to touching. Not even sexual, just some type of skinship. Forgive him for being ansty after being stuck in an apartment with someone whose love language is irony and throwing chocolates at him. Especially when it's someone he's already had sex with. He knows the sound Kole makes when he climaxes, for God's sake.

Jackson wants to smack himself, regardless of the fact he's in public. He can't believe he went to the gym to clear his head, only to think about Kole ejaculating in his hand. And now he can't stop thinking about what Kole had said this morning. Jackson has to calm down. Kole could change his mind in an instant, and he'd be fine with it but embarassed to all hell with how much he's getting worked up over the simple offer of fucking later on. 

Alright, he'll admit it. He's excited. Arrest him.

He finishes his workout in shame, having killed two hours along with his self-respect. He wipes the sweat off, heads to the grocery store, and makes it back before noon. At this point, he expects Kole to still be asleep and tries to enter the apartment quietly. The cat almost runs out the door, but Jackson is able to block it with his foot. The failed escape attempt probably makes the cat hate him even more, but he's not here to be friends with the cat, so he doesn't care. He sets the groceries on the kitchen counter and starts sorting through them. The last time they went shopping, they did it together but focused on themselves. Jackson didn't say anything about what Kole bought for himself, and Kole didn't have a say in the ingredients Jackson bought for his "nasty" detox smoothie, which, first of all, it isn't nasty, Kole just doesn't know what he's talking about. His main gripe seems to be the cabbage, but that's why it's for Jackson and not Kole. If Kole doesn't like the cabbage, he can make his own smoothie.

Whatever, anyways, this is the first time Jackson went shopping with a healthier Kole in mind. His idealized Kole, if you will. A Kole that doesn't eat so much fried food, but still gets his needs met. He's not gonna make the poor guy go on an intense diet by any means, especially when he was eating for two. Cravings are perfectly normal, and Jackson won't deny him anything. He'll just be there to offer him other options, which never hurt anybody in the history of-

"You were serious?"

Jackson jumps, not expecting Kole's voice. Turning around, he sees him rubbing his eyes, having woken up a second time. He hadn't even bothered to put his glasses on. Jackson's gaze flips from him to the groceries. "Uh, Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I wasn't," Kole smiles slightly. "You're not gonna hold me to it, are you? I wasn't in the right mindset."

"And what mindset was that, exactly?" Jackson asks as Kole approaches him slowly. 

"Lowkey, I was just trying to get on your good side."

"My good side?" Jackson turns away, smirking to himself and looking through one of the bags.

"I didn't think you'd immediately take my word for it. I thought I'd be nice, we'd fuck, and then you'd forget about me being a better person,"

"It's not about being a better person, it's just taking better care of yourself," he says, digging out a pear and tossing it around. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but all I ask is that you think about what you put in your m-" Jackson turns around to see Kole gone, only to feel a tugging on his pants. He looks down to see Kole on his knees.

"Do you know how fucking hard it is to have you walking around my apartment?" Kole all but growls as he tugs Jackson's pants open. "Just lounging around, looking...fuckable as fuck,"

Jackson was speechless. He hadn't even had the chance to finish his morning routine. He still needed to put the groceries away and ice his face, but apparently Kole wasn't gonna wait for any of that.

"I've been so horny, and I don't know why, and you keep not fucking me," Kole sounds genuinely irritated now, like this was about how Jackson messed with the thermostat one too many times. "I thought I was gonna get railed when you bought those condoms, and all you do is fucking stack them,"

Jackson sets the pear on the counter just in time for Kole to pull his underwear down. He instinctively puts his hand on top of Kole's head. "Shit, I didn't know," 

Kole was probably about to put his dick in his mouth just then, but instead looks up to glare at him. 

"I-I didn't! Fuck, I'm sorry!"

"You do realize," he says slowly. "I was irritating the fuck out of you because I wanted you to-" He giggles. "I wanted you to fuck me,"

"...you could have just asked," Jackson shrugs, lightly petting Kole and hoping it comes off apologetic. 

Kole shakes his head, and he's grinning ear to ear when he takes Jackson's cock and starts sucking him off.

Jackson is trying his hardest to be in the moment and enjoy it, but his mind's currently racing with any instance during the past week he may have misinterpreted. The condoms were his fault, he'll admit that. But how was he supposed to know Kole flirted by being an asshole? What was this, grade school? Is he gonna tug on Jackson's pigtails and call him a butthead next? Genuinely, how was he supposed to know?  

Or was he an actual butthead that was too stupid to put two and two together? All the teasing, and flirting, and walking around the apartment shirtless could have all been Kole's personality. And Jackson wasn't gonna tell him how to live in his own space. And he's a jerk to everyone. Jackson wasn't special in that regard. And licking was just a thing he did. How was Jackson supposed to differenciate Kole being an actual asshole, and Kole just...wanting to be put in his place in a kinky way?

See, this is why Jackson prefers confidence. He needs people to be upfront with him and not confuse him by playing hard to get and then expecting a chase...

...was he supposed to follow Kole to his bedroom that one time he licked him? The more Jackson thinks about it, the more he realizes how undeniably flirty the whole thing was.

But Kole was always- oh, Jesus, Jackson can't take it anymore. Why can't people just ask for sex normally? Was he this evasive about it in his twenties? Is this what his thirties are gonna be like? Thinking about something entirely else while in the middle of getting his dick sucked?

Holy shit, he'll think about it later. He leans against the counter and throws his head back. Kole is bobbing his head, and Jackson's cock is sliding in and out at a pace that suits both of them. Kole is sucking his dick like he'd been waiting all morning for it, which he probably has been. Jackson wants to know if this was thought out or a spur-of-the-moment thing. Was Kole that cock hungry that he couldn't resist getting on his knees the moment Jackson stepped through the door, or was he plotting this for days on end, stalking Jackson through the corner of his eyes, imagining what he'd do to him given the chance before settling on a stuffing his cock into his mouth? Jackson may never know.

Kole slowly pulls back, letting his cock, shiny with spit, slip from his lips, so he could take it in hand as he looked up at Jackson. Jackson wasn't looking at him with his head still tilted towards the ceiling. A low moan was all Kole got from him, but he wanted his full attention. His other hand snakes up the back of Jackson's thigh, and he smacks his ass. Jackson jolts at the impact, his head falling forward and finally setting his gaze on Kole.

Kole is biting his lip, perhaps in an attempt to seduce him, and Jackson is only human. He can't help that he thinks Kole is absolutely gorgeous from this angle. But then he can't help but wonder what he looks like from Kole's perspective. Suddenly self-conscious, he tweaks his posture. Kole doesn't seem to care, still staring at him with his sleepy eyes. He puts his lips to the tip of Jackson's cock and mumbles something uninteligable before slupring his dick down once more. Jackson wonders if he was even supposed to hear what he had said. It goes unaddressed though as Jackson twists his hand into Kole's hair (not too tightly) and gently guides him on his cock. He tilts his head to the side a little just to see it go in and out of Kole's mouth. Jackson had read somewhere (because he's been researching pregnancy a lot more) that the second trimester may induce a higher sex drive. Taking a look at Kole, it seems about right. 

A particular burst of pleasure has Jackson suddenly breathing in and feeling like the air gets caught in his chest. He closes his eyes, his fingers squeezing ever so slightly more. A deep hum escapes him before he curses under his breath outright. It's a higher octave than he expected, and he has half the mind to be a little embarrassed, but he can't bring himself to care. He's too preoccupied with brushing Kole's hair out of his face and then moving his hand to the back of his neck to rest there. Not to put pressure on him or take any kind of control. It simply sits there until he's close. Then it moves to Kole's shoulder, where he pushes him and is met with immediate contention as Kole whines around his cock.

He pushes harder, and Kole finally relents. He's out of breath, but it doesn't stop him from giving Jackson lip. "It's gayer if you don't come in my mouth,"

"Don't care. Shut up." It takes more effort than it needs to get those four words out as Jackson vigorously jerks off. Kole goes to move, and Jackson tightens his hold on his shoulder. "No,"

Kole seems to finally catch on to what he wants to do. "...okay," he nervously lets Jackson's other hand take him by the chin, and he suddenly doesn't know where to look. He settles on making eye contact with Jackson, but after a few seconds, chickens out and closes his eyes, the anticipation having gotten to him. Jackson comes on his face, each spurt causing Kole to flinch as it paints him in opaque streaks. Some of it, regretably, gets in his hair, but it was better than his eye. Kole gets brave enough to barely open one of his eyes, and he gets to see Jackson shakily try to catch his breath before dropping down to Kole's level and pulling him into a heated kiss.

Jackson doesn't care that his own come is smearing all over his face. He kisses Kole as hard as he possibly can. In the end, it leaves them both breathless as Kole weakly presses his hand into Jackson's chest, breaking the kiss.

"Sorry for being an asshole, but what the fuck took you so long?"

Jackson pauses. "I don't know," he really doesn't. 

"And you're allowed to pull my hair, you know," Kole laughs. "You had no problem being rough last time, so what gives?"

"...I don't know, I-" Jackson stops to think. "I mean...you are pregnant, and you're going through something I probably never will. And you're not that good at communicating," 

"Fair, fair," Kole nods in agreement. "But I wasn't exactly communicating when I grabbed your dick that one time. But you still got the memo,"

"I just don't know if you're in the mood. You don't have to grab my dick to let me know, but come on. I'd rather not upset you when you've already got a bunch of hormonal stuff going on."

"Oh, so you want me to beg-"

"I mean if you want to," Jackson shrugs. "If you want it that bad, you can ask for it. Which you clearly didn't."

Kole punches him in the shoulder, and it takes everything Jackson has to keep his composure and act like it didn't hurt as much as it did. "Go clean up. You got something on your face."

"I was about to say the same thing," Jackson went to stand up, but apparently he missed one of Kole's memos again. Apparently, Kole doesn't want him to go clean up. Instead, he tugs Jackson down and licks a streak of come off his face. 

Only then is he allowed to go.

Chapter Text

"Have you ever cheated before?" 

"Yes. Also, you're getting fat,"

Kole clenches his jaw. This was the third time tonight somebody had brought it up. "So rude,"

"No, but seriously," his interviewee laughs. "Why are you getting a belly?"

"I'm pregnant, actually," Kole deadpans. "Do you feel like an asshole now?"

"Is it Jackson Wang's baby?"

"Yes. I only consider the best sperm for my offspring."

"Your baby is gonna be a K-Pop Olympian?"

"Failed Olympian. And this baby is staying chika, I don't give a fuck,"

"Huh?"

"Sorry. What's the K-pop term? Wait," Kole suddenly glares at them. "You're in Japan. How do you not know what chika means?"

They shrug. "I only came for you."

"Yeah, I bet you did,"

"Yeah...so what are you gonna name the baby?"

"J.Kole."

"Oh- you, you can't-"

"You can't stop me. I'm gonna name my baby whatever I want. It stands for Jackson Kole."

"Well, okay...congratulations," 

Kole wonders if he's gonna post this as a clip. He's had similar interviews for three weeks now. They start normally, and then no matter what Kole does, they bring up the fact that he's starting to show. It's not like he's trying to hide it, but he's not announcing anything either. People have been waiting for an excuse to knock him down a peg (which is to be expected given his videos and attitude), but this was a bit mean. Especially this one video of him taken from the side that's been floating around. People are speculating (more so joking), and he hasn't addressed it yet, but tonight might be when he finally soft-launches the fact that he's pregnant.

That's the beauty of irony. He could tell the truth and nothing but the truth, and it'd still be taken as a joke just because of his reputation. He could go through the whole pregnancy and show up with a fucking baby in a couple months and people would just think he was really committed to the bit.

He gets home around 3 am. Jackson is asleep, and Kole tries his best to unwind without waking him up. It's getting harder to sleep, and it's not exclusive to interview nights now. He's been ignoring how big he's been getting because he still can, at least during the day, but it's impossible when he has to find a comfortable sleeping position. It freaks him out sometimes, and he wakes up in a cold sweat because how the fuck is he supposed to do this when he actually gets huge? There's still a lot of unspoken anxiety about the pregnancy, and the only real comfort is Jackson, but he comes with his own problems.

For instance, his sleep schedule. Nothing wrong with it when he's on his own, but when it's the exact opposite of Kole's, problems start popping up left and right. For one, Jackson is very sensitive and prefers his sleep to be uninterrupted, which is kinda hard on Kole's part, considering he's up at ungodly hours just fucking around now. The pregnancy-induced insomnia is hard on both of them, and Kole is worried for when they have an actual baby on their hands.  

And Kole gets bored and easily horny nowadays, and he's always been an asshole so of course he's gonna test the waters when he's got nothing better to do. Kole won't lie, he likes that they introduced sex into their relationship. There's no shame in being attracted to Jackson Wang, and it's not like that wasn't the catalyst for everything that's happened. So...one night he was looking at Jackson peacefully sleeping, and Kole may have been holding a fork; he can't quite remember. There's a lot of reasonable doubt about what happened, but either way, somehow the fork got thrown so hard to the ground that it woke Jackson up. 

Jackson is startled by the sudden metallic clanging, sitting up and looking around with confusion. He finds Kole standing nearby, who shrugs.

"Sorry,"

Jackson blinks hard and then pinches the corner of his eyes. "What the fuck happened?"

"I dropped a fork. I was just on the way to the kitchen," he takes the opportunity to slink over to Jackson and gently brushes his hand along his cheek. "Didn't mean to wake you up,"

Jackson scrunches his eyebrows, perhaps thinking about the fact that he's nowhere near the kitchen nor on a path to get to it. Kole doesn't let him think about that too much, lightly pushing him until there was space for him to lie down too.

"You okay?"

"I'm trying to be," Jackson grumbles. "I can't just wake up immediately, or go back to sleep, I have to settle. It takes a couple of minutes,"

Kole kinda feels bad. "That sucks,"

"What time is it? What are you still doing up?" This was a fair interrogation since Kole didn't even do interviews that day. "Eating at night's not good for you,"

"I'm not hungry anymore,"

Jackson looks at him curiously as he lets Kole draw his thumb along his jaw. "...I think I'm awake now," he suddenly grimaces. "Not like I'd be able to fall asleep again anyway,"

"You can stay up with me."

"Don't make it a habit, it'll kill me."

Kole rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious. I'm too old for late nights. I barely survive touring,"

"Are you gonna be wheelchair bound by the time the baby gets here?" 

"Oh, don't remind me," Jackson says with a pained expression, and doesn't let Kole answer before leaning forward to kiss him.

Kole is starting to hate sex. Don't get him wrong, he loves it, but he hates it when Jackson's hands are all over him, discovering things even he hadn't realized. Like right now, with Jackson pulling him close and sliding his hand down Kole's side. There's a dip that wasn't there before. His hips are getting wider, and he doesn't know if it's from general weight gain or something else entirely that scares the shit out of him to think about. He wonders if Jackson even realizes how much he's changed, at least outside of the obvious belly.

He wonders if Jackson can feel how heavy Kole feels like he's getting as he's manhandled onto Jackson's lap. He's trying so hard to be self-consious but Jackson keeps fucking distracting him. And he doesn't even mean to be self-conscious, he didn't initiate sex so he could be sad about his changing body. He initiated it because he wanted to fuck but now all he can think about is how it's not the same as before as Jackson strips him out of his shirt.

"Fuck, Kole," Jackson mumbles against his neck. "Why do you make it so easy to fuck you? This cannot become a habit, I swear to God,"

"You should see me when I'm not huge,"

"Oh, I've seen you. How do you think this happened in the first place?"

Kole fights the smile that threatens to break his nonchalant aura or whatever. It's not like he hasn't begged Jackson to let him suck his dick before, so this is fucking whatever. I don't give a shit.

Jackson pulls his head out from where he was dotting Kole's collarbone with kisses. He plants one on Kole's lips before reaching over to his makeshift nightstand to grab the lube. Unexpectedly, he presses it to Kole's chest.

"I want you to do it,"

Kole lays his own hand on top of Jackson's. "Why?"

"Because you woke me up. And I'm tired of you pretending it's an accident every time we have sex," Jackson is quiet as he speaks. Kole can barely hear him over his own heartbeat. It doesn't help that Jackson is kissing his neck again. "You want this, don't you? Don't lie to me, you threw a fucking fork to get this. Show me some confidence. You know I like that,"

Kole purses, going into a shallow pool of thought because he's not the type to think too deeply. And even then, he doesn't think for long, taking the lube from Jackson and setting his weight into his knees as he straightens up.

"You're a fucking pervert, you know that?" Kole deadpans.

"I've seen you call women, random women, mommy and them putting collars on you. You can't talk, man,"

"I can't?" Kole asks as he reaches behind himself to pull his pajama pants down. 

"Nope. Can't talk, man. Can't talk," Jackson wraps his arms around him, and starts rocking them back and forth.

Kole gets a bit of lube on his fingers despite the embrace. He tries not to think too hard as his hand goes behind him and proceeds to sink into himself. Jackson has his eyes glued to Kole's face, and Kole looks back at him after a moment. One of his arms unwraps from Kole's waist to grab his glasses, slowly sliding them off and setting them to the side. He doesn't kiss him. Just looks at his impassive features as his fingers stretch himself open. 

Like Kole said; Jackson was a problem. A really fuckable problem.

Kole got what he wanted, and even though he fingered himself in front of Jackson, he still somehow came out on top. They didn't sleep for the rest of the night, and Kole almost got to make fun of Jackson for being so dramatic about waking him up. But not even halfway through the morning, he found Jackson sprawled out on his couch.

"You good?"

"No."

Kole can't help but laugh. "Do you want me to shut the blinds?"

"That would be nice, thank you."

He scoffs and heads to the windows. "Honestly, what are you gonna do when the baby needs you to pull all-nighters?"

"I'll survive." Jackson groans and flips onto his stomach, his next words muffled. "But I think it'd be better if there was two people,"

Kole doesn't respond to that. He pretends he doesn't hear it entirely.

But he did. 

He lets Jackson have his beauty sleep. Kole tested the waters and found he likes staying on shore. But who doesn't love a beach party? Especially filled with such tension, it's like his own personal Love Island. (He's never seen Love Island)

But whatever. He stays in his room and edits videos to kill time. A part of him wants to watch porn, knowing he wasn't gonna chance it with waking Jackson again, but he keeps focused on his work. The clip of him announcing his baby J.Kole comes up on his video feed, and he hesitates before editing it. It was funny. Nobody would take it serious. It shouldn't feel like it was an actual announcement of the fact he's been fucking Jackson Wang for months and was pregnant with his child. 

Fuck, his parents don't even know. He's gonna fucking birth their grandchild and give it to a Chinese pop-star and they're gonna learn about it through the same channel he dresses like a cat boy on. He's such a fucking disapointment. Kole's on the verge of deleting the clip entirely, but once again, he hesitates. And a memory creeps up on him, and it's not unlike the conversation on the couch, even if Kole can't figure out why. 

"I heard that a person's favorite food was what their mother was craving during pregnancy," Jackson had been tossing out random pregnancy facts lately, probably anxiety ridden because of his over-researching and Kole's lack of any researching. 

Kole doesn't bother looking up from his phone. "You already know what I'm gonna say." 

"...yeah, I do. It's too bad they're a Japan exclusive."

"I think the world would be a better place if every country had Famichiki. I like regular chicken too, don't get me wrong," Kole goes out of his way to ease Jackson on the new healthy diet he's been put on. "But I think the only thing keeping me going right now is knowing Famichiki is down the block,"

Jackson nods, and he clearly wants to ask something.

"What?" Kole inclines. 

"Have you thought about if...I don't know, maybe where you want to have the baby? Like, does it have to be in Japan?"

"Do you think America would be better?"

They both laugh for obvious reasons.

Jackson clears his throat after that great joke. "No, but it'd be fine if you wanted that. It'd be closer to your family,"

"Yeah I guess so, but I haven't thought about it at all, actually," Kole sighs. He looks over at Jackson and notices a slight vibe of disappointment. "...why? What do you think?"

He looks surprised. "Me? Nothing,"

"You can have an opinion on this, Jackson. It's your baby too, I'm not that fucking cruel,"

"It's not being cruel, you just know what's best for you-"

"Jackson," Kole stops him, clearly running out of patience. "Say what you want to say."

Jackson stutters awkwardly and scratches his head. "I..." He huffs. "What do you think about having it in China?"

"China?" Kole didn't know what he expected, but China honestly seemed pretty obvious. "Why China?"

"It's a nice place," he shrugs. "I think you'd like it, and you'd be taken care of, and I know how to get you the best treatment there, and I-"

"Do they have Famichiki?"

Jackson squeezes his eyes shut. "No. But it's still a fantastic place. I mean, I-" he starts to mumble unintelligibly. 

"What, Jackson? Come on, you can tell me."

"I-I don't know, I just...even though I've been all around the world, and there have been moments in all these different countries where I genuinely had the thought that I could see myself marrying somebody, and maybe even having kids...in the back of my mind, I still...kind of always imagined my kids being born in China, you know? And it's fine if that's not what you want to do, and I understand completely that your work and friends are here, and I don't want to take you away from that, and I'm not gonna wait till you're 9 months pregnant to uproot you just to have a kid in China. I don't want to do that. I'm just...I don't know. Forget it."

"That's a lot to forget, I don't know if I can manage. You expect too much of me," Kole smiles, trying to calm Jackson down. "I'll think about it, how about that?"

Jackson nods silently, and that was the end of it.

Kole thinks about it now as he sits in his desk chair, and you'd expect him to come to a Yes or a No. Instead, he comes to his own question.

Does Jackson Wang want him in the baby's life? Does Kole even want to be a part of Jackson's?

Could he really see himself actually being Jackson Wang's boyfriend? Sure, the physical attraction was there, but it takes a lot more than that to make a relationship work. They were practically polar opposites, but he won't deny that they were similar in some ways. They both wore turtlenecks to the club for entirely different reasons, there was layers to this.

Jackson would never be the one to say how he felt, but Kole wasn't stupid. Jackson had clearly been dropping hints to the fact he could see a life together with him, but the ball was in Kole's court. It'd be up to him whether or not they pursued a relationship.

But he can't even decide if he's gonna delete that God forsaken J.Kole clip. 

After a moment of deliberation, he says fuck it, and posts the clip.

Chapter Text

The reaction to TokyoSim's new upload was just what Kole had expected. Everybody thinks he's joking. Nobody is arguing the possibility of Kole actually being pregnant with Jackson Wang's baby. The only thing they're debating about is whether or not he'd actually wear some kind of padding to sell the pregnant look. Some Jackson fans are calling him corny for it, which is fair, but Kole can tell that some of them are just jealous that they're not the one's carrying the Wang legacy. 

He doesn't tell Jackson. Yet somehow, the news reaches him.

"Soooo..." Jackson starts awkwardly, letting Kole know his breakfast was about to be interrupted with some kind of serious talk. "You decided to announce your pregnancy?" 

"No." Kole answers shortly, and then stuffs his face with a whole boiled egg to try and get out of any more talking.

Jackson nods, and takes the moment to think about what he was gonna say next, foiling Kole's plans of ending the conversation. "Well, there's this video on your TikTok of you saying you're pregnant, and you're gonna," Jackson cringes. "Gonna name it J.Kole? Really?"

"I know. I wasn't announcing anything, though. I was just joking."

"Joking about the truth?"

"I joke about the truth all the time," Kole shrugs. "If I was serious, I'd sit down and, I don't know, make a vlog or something,"

"Okay..." Jackson taps his foot anxiously to work up the courage to say something. "You can do that if you want. I'll sit down with you,"

"I was joking again."

"Oh, okay. It's just-" Jackson rolls his shoulders uncomfortably. "You didn't have to mention my name. I'm fine if you want to keep things private. You don't have to associate yourself with me if you don't want to, even if it's the truth." 

Kole rolls his eyes. "All I said was that I was pregnant with your baby. Nobody even took it seriously."

"I saw some of the comments. They're not nice, Kole. I know some people take it too far when they think they're protecting my image, but you don't have to subject yourself to them,"

"Engagement gets me paid, so I don't really care," he shrugs. "And don't apologize for you're weird fans who take shit too far,"

"I don't even consider them fans."

"Fair enough. They're not even busy streaming. Just wasting time in my comment section for no reason," Kole scoffs. "It's not like I said you were my boyfriend or anything. They need to chill." 

Kole keeps his tone lighthearted, but his eyes are watching Jackson like a hawk. Kole watches him nod, his eyes down turned. He looks a little disappointed, but Kole could be wrong. There's not much else in regards to a reaction, and there's no telling what exactly he's reacting to. He could still be upset over Kole facing harassment. 

Or he could be disappointed with the fact Kole indeed hadn't said that they were boyfriends.

He's looking out for any signs that Jackson does want to start an actual relationship with him, because he'll feel really fucking stupid if it turns out he's wrong.

Jackson sighs, ignorant of Kole's watchful eye. "Are you actually gonna name the baby J.Kole?"

"What do you think?"

"I wouldn't put it past you." Jackson sucks on his bottom lip as he smiles. "But have you thought about names?"

"I don't even know if it's a girl or a boy...what about you?" 

"We can do it together," Jackson offers gently. "Just throw around some ideas, and if we both like it, we'll go with it."

"Okay," Kole says, sitting up and thinking a little bit. "How about...Janet if it's a girl, and Michael if it's a boy,"

"Oh, come on. I thought you'd be more creative than that."

"Fine, then you name the baby,"

"I'll think about it, how about that?"

"Yeah, whatever," Kole grumbles, and offers Jackson a piece of meat from his soup with his spoon. Jackson takes it without hesitation. Kole watches him eat, his gaze lingering before he looks back at his food. "How'd you even find out about the video? Did someone send it to you?"

"I check your page all the time actually."

Kole sets his spoon down. "What?"

"What? I like seeing what you're up to in Shibuya."

"Fucking stalker," Kole mumbles under his breath. 

"Don't be like that," Jackson tsks.

"You don't even wait for it to cross your FYP? You straight up check the page every day?"

Jackson nods unapologetically. "Sorry, I like looking at you."

"I can tell when you're lying. Don't try to fake it." Kole glares at him. He picks his spoon back up and stirs his soup, oblivious to Jackson eyeing him.

"You're irritating me."

Kole laughs. "Yeah, I know,"

Jackson chews on the inside of his mouth, trying to hold himself back. He looks up at the ceiling, then back at Kole. "Yeah. Okay." He scoots forward suddenly, his chair noisily moving with him. "I'm not sorry." 

Kole pays little mind to him as he starts mouthing at his neck. He continues eating, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. Jackson's all over it, kissing and licking his throat while Kole finishes his breakfast. Jackson's hand finds itself on his waist, coaxing him closer. Kole can only go so far without slipping out of his chair, but he makes an effort. He tilts his head back, baring his neck even more for Jackson to suck on. It's too soft to leave any marks, but it still has Kole shivering under Jackson's lips, a quiet, breathy moan leaving him as he closes his eyes. His hand goes slack, and the spoon drops onto the table, leaving him free to cling to Jackson's shirt.

Jackson raises his head then and catches Kole in a kiss. He tastes like shitty vape chemicals, and it's kinda gross but it doesn't stop Kole from trying to start a make-out session before noon. Jackson was on the same page it seems, his hand coming up to caress Kole's face, and only egging him on to the point they had their tongues in each other's mouths. Kole is the one to pull back first for air. He doesn't go far, only enough to break the kiss, and no further. His nose is still pressed to Jackson's cheek, and their foreheads are bumping. Jackson sighs against his mouth before putting more distance between them. 

Both of his hands are on either side of Kole's head now, and he's just looking at him. His eyes are darting all over Kole's face with an unplaceable emotion, and Kole doesn't know how long that look in his eyes has been there. Did it start this moment? Yesterday? Weeks, months ago? It's enough to leave him breathless. 

He tries to close the gap between them again, only for Jackson to hold him back. He's about to say something, but Kole beats him to it.

"Fuck, you really like looking at me," he hadn't planned to say that. It just came out.

Jackson nods. "I told you I did."

"Yeah, but you think I didn't notice before?" 

"You don't know the half of it," 

But he did. He's known for a while now because Jackson has been nothing but honest with him. Kole just assumed he rubbed off on him, and it was nothing but a big ironic joke.

That was a lie. It was just easier to ignore it than actually acknowledge the fact he accidentally made Jackson Wang fall in love with him. That's all this was, just a big fat accident that was entirely his fault. 

He tries to think of the exact moment everything shifted, and he comes to the conclusion that it was when he cornered Jackson in the kitchen and sucked his cock. It had been the culmination of a long buildup over time that Kole wants to regret, but can't. He doesn't regret breaking the dam between them that kept them from having sex. He just wished he'd done it differently, in a way that didn't come off so needy, and like he was yearning for Jackson. 

Although changing how it began would do little to fix how it ended. He had the whole thing vaguely planned out in his head. It wasn't set in stone, and he would have gone with the flow if things had changed, but for the most part, Jackson was a very predictable person.

Of course Kole would send him to the bathroom first. Especially when he just got home from the gym and would 100% shower as soon as he got the chance. Kole had waited for the sound of the door shutting before getting up from where he still knelt. His face was still plastered with come as he stalked to the bathroom and stood near, waiting for the right moment. He listened as Jackson turned the shower on, and then for the soft rustle of clothes as they fell to the floor. He counted to five, then knocked.

"I thought you were just gonna wash your face," Kole lies. "I gotta get in there too, you know,"

He can hear Jackson stammer. "Can't you use the kitchen sink?"

"No, the kitchen is for dishes, the bathroom is for when I get come on my face," he leans against the wall and listens to Jackson quietly laugh. It takes another moment before he gets a response. 

"Alright, I'm naked, though. Hope you're fine with that,"

The door opens, and Jackson is just standing there. Completely unashamed. Kole keeps eye contact as he steps forward, expecting Jackson to move, but of course he doesn't. Kole decides to give him a quick once-over as he squeezes past just for the trouble. It's all blurred thanks to his nearsightedness but it's the principle of things. Jackson closes the door behind him, and Kole raises his eyebrow at that. 

"Do you need to do that when we're the only people in the house?"

"I don't like your cat." Jackson informs him as he heads to the shower.

"Why? You jealous?"

Jackson ignores him and shuts the stall door, leaving Kole to smile to himself. He turns the sink on and washes his face just enough to get the come off. Then he does something stupid.

He doesn't undress before stepping up to the stall door and knocking again. There's only a split second between the door opening and Kole getting dragged into the shower, clothes and all.

The water hits his back and instantly soaks through his shirt. He doesn't even try to complain as he's too busy meeting Jackson's lips. He's freaked out by his own eagerness. He wasn't even hard. The whole fucking time he was blowing Jackson he was doing it for the love of the game and not his own arousal. A full week of jerking off and thinking about the memory of Jackson's cock shoved up his ass has made him finally lose it.

Jackson's hand creeps up his face, practically hovering, and the gentleness pisses Kole off. He shoves Jackson, breaking the kiss.

"You can be rougher,"

He's close enough to see the stunned expression on Jackson's face and the little changes as it shifts to indifference. "What, like this?" 

Jackson grabs a handful of Kole's hair and tugs his head back. He yelps before Jackson kisses him again. His hands start scrambling for something to hold but only find Jackson's bare shoulders. The shower head is right above him, drenching him further. He's helpless at this point and his pajama pants feel so fucking uncomfortable when they're wet. They're clinging to his legs and crotch, and leave little to the imagination as the print of his dick strains against the material. He pushes Jackson again, who breaks the kiss roughly.

"What? Can't take it?" 

Kole furiously shakes his head no, flinging water from his hair. Jackson's face is all he can see and he's fucking gorgeous. He takes another moment just to look at his face before shoving his pants and underwear down. Jackson keeps him steady with a firm grip on his arm, before smoothing down his side to grab the bottom of his shirt as he straightens up. Kole's good at multitasking. He kicks his pants into a corner of the shower as he helps Jackson strip him of his top. It's harder than it should be. He's able to pop his head out, but his arms get caught. Jackson does nothing to free him and instead starts kissing him once again. Kole's back hits the freezing shower wall as Jackson envelops him, his arms wrapping around Kole's waist. Kole doesn't let it distract him and eventually peels the shirt from his arms, tossing it to the same corner his pants landed.

Now he's able to sling his arms around Jackson's neck and pull him down further, deepening the kiss before Jackson breaks it in favor of mumbling against his lips.

"See how nice it is when you tell me what you fucking want? See how fucking easy it is?" His hands squeeze Kole's hips for emphasis. 

"I fucking was telling you what I wanted," Kole growls. "You just weren't observant enough."

"I am observant," Jackson defends himself.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am,"

"No-you're-fucking-not," Kole eggs him on.

"Yes-I-fucking-am." Jackson nearly whines. "I'm so fucking observant. You know what I'm observing right now?"

"What?"

"How fucking pink you are." His hands slide from where they gripped Kole, and Kole has to squint to see the bright red marks left behind. Jackson takes his hand and plays with his fingers, drawing attention to how pink his knuckles are. "Look, look," Jackson grabs his elbow too, his joints the pinkest, and then points at Kole's face, which was probably going red with embarrassment. "Look,"

It wasn't fair. Kole couldn't even see 2 inches in front of his face; how was he supposed to find something to point out and embarrass Jackson back? He kinda wants to tell him to kill himself, but he's pretty sure Jackson doesn't roll like that. He can't help the fact that he's half-white and his skin blemishes easily. This has gotta be some form of racism. He scrambles to think of anything horrible to say.

"Your tattoos are shitty."

"That's why they're on me, and not on you."

"Yeah, but I didn't choose to be pink, you paid for those."

"That's why they're on me, and not on you." Jackson cups his face. "You're not gonna win this one, Kole. And you don't mean it, do you?"

"I do actually,"

"You're a terrible liar,"

Kole shakes his head. "Apparently you know everything except when I want to get fucked,"

Jackson chews his bottom lip. "Can I take a guess and sayyyyy right now?"

"Really?"

"Is that not the obvious thing to say?"

Kole grins. "Obvious?"

"Yeah. I knew as soon as I got home."

"Is that your final answer?"

Jackson hesitates, but still has the confidence to say "Yes."

"Then where's the lube?"

Jackson pauses. It's a really long pause. "...I knew as soon as I got home. If I had known earlier, I would have picked some up."

"You got all those condoms, but no lube?"

"Yeah, funny how that works because I don't think I'm even gonna need those, but the thing I do need is what I don't have-"

"It's in my bedroom."

Jackson stares at him. "Oh, so you prepared for this?"

"You're way too cocky right now. You have zero leverage here, act like it."

Jackson smiles and turns the shower off. The water running down the drain was a sobering sound for both of them. 

"Okay." Jackson gestures to the door. "Lead the way,"

They don't even bother drying off. Kole might have if Jackson hadn't been clinging to him, draped over his back, and walking in time as they made their way out of the bathroom. It was hard to maneuver when Kole could feel Jackson's erection bumping against his ass, so forgive him for not caring about tracking water on the floor. As soon as they were in the hallway, Jackson took it upon himself to pick Kole up in a bridal carry. Half of him was thankful that he didn't have to traverse his apartment without his glasses on. The other half knew wet feet and smooth floors never mixed well, and if Jackson slipped, he'd go down with him. Lucky for him, they made it to his bedroom without an incident, and he was subsequently dumped onto his bed.

Jackson stood over him. "Where's the lube?"

Kole subconsciously drew his legs up out of modesty. He was trying to ignore how his skin felt clammy against the sheets, and everything was just so overwhelming. Being naked, and vulnerable with Jackson about to fuck him had him rather frazzled, and it took him a moment to find his barings and point to his dresser. As Jackson turns away, he shifts onto his stomach and crawls towards his nightstand. He grabs what he was looking for just in time for Jackson to pull him by his ankle, dragging him to the center of the bed so he can get on top of him. 

"What do you got, huh?" Jackson grabs for the thing in Kole's hand. "Is it for me?"

"It's my glasses, you dick," Kole grumbles, flipping himself over and slipping them on. He blinks up at him.

"What do you need those for?"

"To see?" Kole says it like Jackson is the dumbest person on planet Earth.

"See what, though?"

Kole pretends he's too busy adjusting the tips of his glasses around his ears to answer. But Jackson can see how his eyes swivel around in his skull, slyly drinking in the sight of the body above him. There's no way he doesn't notice when he's literally inches from Kole's face. His skin was still shiny with water droplets. Kole sees one gliding down Jackson's chest and can't help himself. He props himself up and catches the droplet with his tongue. He doesn't stop there. His tongue darts from his mouth in a frenzy, licking Jackson's pecs and sucking the water from his skin like a starved man. Jackson lets him, giving no acknowledgment to his actions outside of placing a hand on his shoulder and reaching between his legs.

Kole tenses at the finger prodding to find his asshole. It's a reflex more than anything, but he knows Jackson might take it as uncertainty. But Kole doesn't want him to stop. He reaches down himself and guides Jackson's hand to where it needs to be, just to kill any doubt in his mind that he doesn't want this. For his efforts, Jackson sinks a finger into him. And only a moment later, he adds a second. 

Kole takes his mouth off him with a quiet smack. He flips his hair out of his eyes and looks at how Jackson's chest is glistening with spit now. Kole can admire his handy work as he lies back, licking his lips.

"Why was the bottle half gone?"

Kole closes his eyes, trying to drift away conscious wise but still be present in his body just to feel himself being fingered.

"Koleeeee," Jackson addresses him with a sing-songy voice. "Are you gonna answer me?"

Kole's mind works around the familiar fingers up his ass to form a few words. "It's an old bottle,"

"Yeah? Thought you'd buy it new," Jackson's tone is accusatory. "When's the last time you used it?"

Kole doesn't answer. He just lets Jackson realize all on his own that he hasn't been hard this entire time. Kinda difficult to keep an erection when he orgasmed two times before Jackson even walked through the door. His looseness speaks for itself. He's just glad it's been long enough that he's able to get hard again.

Kole doesn't answer. Instead he airily moans as Jackson's fingers fuck him in a steady rhythm.

"When did this start? Was it after we had sex?"

What an ego. Does he really think Kole took up the hobby of stretching himself open after getting railed on that tour bus? Chasing a feeling that he'd never catch simply because it relied on a pair of hands that were attached to a man in a different country? 

Kole keeps his eyes closed, knowing he'd give away the truth because it always read loud and clear on his face. At least he wasn't lying about the bottle. He gave up after around three times, realizing that specific masturbation method wasn't for him and he'd rather not stoop low enough to buy a dildo just to try it, and then never use it again. He didn't need another reminder that Jackson was a one-and-done deal. 

Who knew getting pregnant was as good of an excuse as any to see him again?

And after all of that, when he finally gets Jackson back in his vicinity, he couldn't build up the nerve to ask him to have sex for over a week. He'll blame it on the anxiety of finding out he's gonna be a parent. And definitely not the fact Jackson makes him feel physically ill whenever he's too close. His stomach turns in knots, and his face feels so hot he can't help but assume Jackson induces a fever when in proximity. And every touch lingers, even if it only lasts a second. It burrows into Kole's skin and stays there for hours. When he'd finally worked up the courage to just crawl into his embrace this morning, there was a relief like no other. Although it was short-lived as Kole had woken up alone, craving Jackson all over again like those first days after the tour bus. 

He'd left the futon in favor of his own room, where he turned to the lube once again. And this time around, he did find solace in sticking his fingers up himself as he pumped his cock. His orgasms were carried by the thrill of Jackson walking in at any moment, but of course Kole was already spent by the time he actually got home. Although at that point, he didn't care. He just wanted Jackson. And thank God for it. All of that sickly yearning can go away now that they're finally having sex again. Because that was the problem. Totally the problem.

"Hey," Jackson gently brings him back to the moment, just in time to feel him pull his fingers out. "You with me?"

"Did I walk out of the room or something?" Kole asks as he lazily opens his eyes.

"What's the point in putting on your glasses if you're just gonna close your eyes the entire time?"

"I don't have to look at your face."

Jackson hums and then presses their foreheads together. "How's that?"

"Ugh. Even worse." Kole pushes at his chest to give himself room. He goes to flip over, only for Jackson to hold him back by his hip.

"W-Why? Why do you wanna do that?" Jackson asked in a slight panic. He seems surprised at himself, trying to find any excuse for it. He tries to turn it into a joke. "You don't think I'm actually ugly, do you?"

Kole's brow furrowed at the sudden upset, even though Jackson was trying to play it off. Especially over something Kole didn't even see as a problem. "Why would you give a fuck about what I think?"

"I don't but like-" he shrugs. "Why do you wanna turn over? Do you just like the position?"

"I don't know." Kole scratches the shell of his ear even though there's no itch. "...why? Do you want me to stay like this?"

"I mean, it's something new to try," Jackson's face is weirdly blank as he rambles. "Also, you didn't answer whether or not you think I'm actually ugly."

He sneers. "What do you think?"

"You don't?"

"No. Put a bag over your head."

"Aw, man. Right now?"

"It can wait, I guess," Kole offers. "But afterwards, it's mandatory."

Jackson nods, his hands running up and down Kole's thighs absentmindedly. Or maybe not absentmindedly, as he suddenly hooks them under his knees and draws them up. Kole is rock hard by now, and this nearly throws him over the edge. Just exposing himself like this to Jackson has a warmth spreading to every inch of his skin, leaving his face flushed. He goes to cover his face with his hands as he throws his head back in embarrassment.

"What's the matter?" Jackson teases him. He lets go of Kole's leg to peel one of his hands from his face, and he's met with immediate protest as Kole jerks his head to the side. He doesn't acknowledge the fact that Kole's leg stays right where it is, even without Jackson holding it there.

Kole can't believe his reaction to Jackson's touch. During the first time, he had been too drunk to fully cherish it, but now he's pregnant with Jackson's child and doesn't know how to act. A few drinks does wonders to one's confidence, and having his back to Jackson during the actual sex probably helped too. But now he's gotta look at it happening. He gets to see himself get fucked and he doesn't appreciate it. He puts up a half-assed fight as Jackson lays over him, trying to get a look at his face.

"You were so talkative before, what happened?"

"Reality."

"Anything wrong with reality?" There's a new layer of nervousness to his voice when he asks.

"Yeah," Kole slides his hands down from his face, sighing. He loved moping and whining, but he couldn't prioritize it over Jackson's contentment. Above all else, he doesn't want Jackson to think he doesn't want it. "Your dicks not in me."

His words ease Jackson a great deal. "You want me to change that?"

"If you want to," 

"Yeah, I want to. But do you want to?"

"Holy shit just fuck me."

"Okay," Jackson gives him a quick nod. Then he reaches down to grasp his cock and gives him that too.

It's slower than the last time. Jackson doesn't need to be quick. This isn't some spur-of-the-moment hookup, and they're living together now, eliminating the idea that they'll walk out of the bedroom and probably never see each other again. Hook-ups were weird like that. You'd think the prospect of a simultaneous first and last impression would make them want to bring their A game instead of being happy to fumble through it, but it was honestly easier settling for a sloppy fuck. It's harder to make mistakes when you know you'll see them tomorrow and the day after that, so Jackson is cautious this time around. He doesn't need Kole berating his stroke game over dinner. 

Of course, there's another solution to that, but Kole wasn't about to suggest that he fucks him so hard he can't speak, so he leaves it up to Jackson to come to that conclusion. (Which he probably won't.) 

Instead, he presses his entire length into Kole. Inch by inch, they find themselves back where they started. The new angle has Kole thudding his head against the mattress, a hollow gasp escaping him. He can hear Jackson grunt above him as he buries himself completely. He also feels him slowly dragging his cock back and forth, testing what he was working with and what Kole reacts to. 

It was strange having Jackson’s cock inside of him after all this time. The memory couldn’t compare to the moment at hand. Kole could almost cry. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this.

“Do you still want me to be rough?” Jackson asks.

Kole would rather die than verbally answer. He nods his head like a madman. 

“Kole, I need you to speak. How am I gonna know if you want me to stop?”

“By me throwing you out the fucking window,” Kole snaps. It’s far from angry, he’s just rightfully peeved. “I don't give a shit. Fuck me up while you still can.”

Jackson looks confused. “What?”

“You think you’ll be able to toss me around like this in 2 months?”

“I mean, I can try and find a way when we get there-”

“How about you focus on right now?”

“Why should I?” Jackson can’t hold back the grin he was obviously fighting. “Why should I, Kole?”

Kole could actually shove him out the window right now and be completely justified. He doesn’t understand why Jackson enjoys rage-baiting him during sex so much. Does he get off on Kole’s reactions? Or the teasing itself? Whichever it is, Kole can’t bring himself to give in to it this time around.

Instead he opts for manipulating him. He softens his features, raising his eyebrows in concern. 

“Because I asked you to?” He says as sweetly as he can. Kole reaches up and cups Jackson’s cheek, watching in real time as he starts to regret making fun of Kole. Jackson looks down and swallows the awkwardness brought on by his own actions. After a moment, he shyly glances at Kole, and it’s unknown if he can see right through his façade or genuinely feels bad. He simply leans forward and kisses Kole.

Their mouths lazily move against one another as Jackson starts rocking into him. It wasn’t rough, but it didn’t stop Kole from panting against Jackson’s lips, his voice hitching into a squeak as he gasps. 

“ごめんなさい.” Jackson whispers. 

He’s apologizing. And now Kole feels like a dick because his goal to make Jackson feel bad was a success. At least he had it coming. And whatever Kole was going through emotionally was outweighed by physical sensation. His aching cock is flat against Jackson's skin, being his only relief outside of the shallow thrusts that reached deep within him. Jackson’s leisurely strokes effectively lulled Kole into a false sense of security to the point he practically went limp. Jackson could do whatever he wanted as long as he was inside of Kole.

He feels like crying again. The thought of losing Jackson’s dick again was so distressing. He couldn’t bear it. He wraps his arms around Jackson and holds him like he might run away. This spurs Jackson on. He buries his head into the crook of Kole’s neck and picks up speed. Kole can’t stand the sound of Jackson spearing his cock into him. It’s wet and not unlike the sound of his own fingers. His own stupid fingers that made him orgasm not even an hour ago. And it's funny how he did it to the thought of Jackson fucking him. 

He keeps this to himself of course. Jackson doesn't need any more evidence of Kole being an impatient degenerate. That's probably what Jackson thinks of him anyway. It'll be difficult to change his mind on the matter since Kole apparently can't even wait a couple of hours for sex.

"Holy shit, Kole," Jackson breathes in his ear. "So fucking good,"

Jackson's going harder now, hard enough that Kole slides against the sheets along with Jackson's rabid fucking. It bounces him up enough that Jackson has to grab him and pull him back down to his original spot. 

"Shit, hold on," he moves and his dick slips from Kole's hole.

Kole barely has time to register his words, let alone the fact that Jackson is bending him nearly completely in half now. Instead of fucking up, Jackson decides to dick him down. Kole has nowhere to go, pinned beneath Jackson who has his knees to his chest. All he can do is take Jackson's words to heart and hold on. He has a moment to breathe as Jackson readjusts, but it doesn't last long as he shoves back inside.

Kole grits his teeth but he still manages to punch out a "Fuck," on impact. It takes everything he has to keep eye contact wth Jackson. He doesn't know why or what exactly he's looking for, but he keeps his eyes glued to his face. He finds Jackson looking back at him, breathing hard as hell, and barely managing to ask a question.

"I look good, don't I?"

Kole closes his eyes and has to steady his own breathing before answering. "Shut the fuck up,"

Jackson seems disappointed, but follows orders regardless. The pace he sets makes Kole see stars. He regrets ever asking for it rough, and can't even fathom why he would want it like that in the first place. He concludes that it was probably his ego. Who was he to just lie down and be pampered? Does he look like a fucking pillow princess to you? No. He's a man. He can get railed like one. He can take it. Or at least he says he can. Right now he's on the fence. But he's not a quitter, even if Jackson wasn't making it easy for him, his cock ramming into Kole in a way that probably wasn't even pleasurable. Kole needs a minute to think, but he can't when his prostate is getting drilled. Fuck. He can't take it anymore.

"Fuck, stop," his voice is pitched high, his eyes squeezing shut, almost in pain. It's alleviated as Jackson halts any and all movement. Kole doesn't even get a chance to enjoy it because he can feel Jackson trying to pull out. "Don't pull out, don't pull out,"

Jackson pauses with a grunt and takes the time to catch his breath. 

Kole doesn't know how long it's been since they got out of the shower. All he knows is that his hair is still damp at this point. He wipes the sweat from his forehead and knows he's gonna need one again pretty soon. But right now, he's focused on Jackson.

"...I liked it better before," Kole admits. "Could you go a bit easier?"

Jackson has that blank look on his face again. "Yeah, of course,"

Jackson shifts, and Kole goes along with him. There was a cramp beginning to form in his thigh, so he's happy to relax his legs in the new position. He arches his back, trying to get comfortable, but ends up pressing back on Jackson's cock. He doesn't even realize he's done it until Jackson quietly moans, and even then, he almost doesn't hear it. Jackson blinks wildly, looking off to the side in embarrassment. 

"You good?" Kole checks in. 

Jackson nods. "You?"

"Fantastic." His cock feels like it's on the brink of exploding. He glances down and sees that it's twitching, swollen, and ready. "I'm about to fucking come,"

"Do you think I can make it happen?" 

Kole shakes his head. "Fuck, you can try,"

"Don't touch yourself then," Jackson was always up for a challenge. Making Kole come untouched could count as some form of enrichment for him.

He starts thrusting again, and it's far better than the previous speed. Kole looks to see Jackson's cock smoothly disappear inside of him. There's still enough force behind it that their hips connect with an audible smack. Kole is about to chew his own lip off in an attempt to muffle any noises he might make. 

"How is it?" Jackson strains.

"F-Fuck, don't stop," is all Kole can manage. Just one word is enough to break the dam, and he starts whining in pleasure. A particularly long one stutters out thanks to Jackson's rhythmic strokes. Kole knows Jackson wants him to come from nothing but his cock, but Kole can feel his dick rutting against the smooth plain of skin that leads up from Jackson's crotch but not quite to his navel. It feels wrong to pruposefully writhe under Jackson's hold just to rub his cock on something, but Kole knows he wouldn't be able to stop himself from humping the nearest surface, no matter what position Jackson puts him in. He's just grateful Jackson is too busy chasing his own release to realize what he's doing, and after a minute, he doesn't even feel himself come. Its just suddenly a lot stickier where he's frantically nudging his cock.

Jackson isn't far behind, and he scrambles to hold Kole as his orgasm rocks him to his core, the tremors so intense that they hit Kole just as hard.

"Jackson," Kole mewls, clinging to him with the same desperation. "Fucking...I fucking love-" he gasps, starved for air. "Fucking love your dick,"

Jackson squeezes him. "Yeah...me too,"

They would stay just like that for a few minutes. Just grasping each other as they regained their bearings. Neither of them could stand the feeling of dried come, so eventually, Jackson pulled out and set into motion the clean-up process, which may have involved showering together to save money on the water bill. 

Chapter Text

Jackson was tapping his foot, nervous as all hell as they sat in the doctor's office. Kole was on his phone, half of his face hidden in the neck of his oversized hoodie. Jackson knows how hard it is to be a translator. He doesn't want to burden Kole with a bunch of questions, so he's going off of vibes alone.

The check-up had gone smoothly, and there didn't seem to be anything noteworthy as far as Jackson could tell, but again, he doesn't really know. He's not fluent enough to get through a Japanese doctor's appointment, even though he'd been studying as much as he could, which still wasn't a lot considering his plate was also filled with long calls with his managers and producers, preparing for parenthood, and...Kole, who wasn't talking to him.

Well, he was. It wasn't the silent treatment or anything Jackson could rightfully point out. But these past couple of days suddenly had long episodes of nothing that hadn't been there before. Kole doesn't come out of his room as much. Doesn't go near Jackson's futon. They meet in the kitchen sometimes, and just when it hits Jackson that this is the first time he'd seen him all day, Kole already has his pants down and his cock in his mouth. There's no room for discussion. And sucking dick solved Kole's problems once, so why not try again?

Or Jackson could be paranoid and there isn't actually anything wrong. It might be nerves leading up to their first check-up. Or maybe resentment as it had been Jackson who brought up the idea of going in when he hit 13 weeks. It was just a suggestion, and it was in everybody's best interest to make sure Kole was healthy. Of course, no matter what the doctor said, there would always be complications thanks to their circumstances. But still. It wasn't crazy to think that Kole had changed his mind after agreeing to book the appointment. Regret only works in retrospect, but that goes both ways. They could learn something that might be vital, negating any regret Kole might have had coming into an appointment he thought was useless.

But since Jackson was stuck behind the language barrier, Kole could be dying tomorrow or be completely fine, and he had no way of knowing. 

Kole seemed okay enough. His legs were crossed as he lounged on the exam table, relaxed and, honestly, pretty bored by the looks of it. So Jackson didn't feel the need to immediately ask for every little detail.

Kole must feel him watching as he looks up from his phone to meet Jackson's gaze. "What?"

Jackson shrugs. "Nothing. Just thinking about you."

"How so?"

"Well, wondering if you're okay. Are you comfortable? Do you need me to do anything?"

"No. I'm good." 

Jackson nods. Kole has this natural yet electric stare that captures him so easily. "Okay...doing anything interesting?" He nods towards the phone in his hand.

Kole looks down. "No. Just checking Instagram," he scrolls for a moment. "Yours sucks, by the way."

Jackson's mouth falls open in shock. "Do you hate everything about me? First my tattoos, now my Instagram?"

"You have Buzz Lightyear on your fucking calf,"

"Don't even go there, dude. Don't disrespect Buzz,"

"You are 31 years old,"

"And I'll still love him when I'm 60," Jackson leans back in the chair. "Don't talk shit about Buzz when you literally have a Labubu."

"At least I don't have it tattooed on me."

"Well, if you genuinely loved it enough to commit to it, I wouldn't make fun of you. You're so mean,"

"You're arguing over Buzz Lightyear."

"You know what? It's Captain Lightyear to you. Stop saying his name like you know him,"

"Grown ass man,"

"And what about it? Buzz is for everybody. Not you though. Fucking Buzz Kill."

"I hope he falls into some space volcano and gets probed in the-"

There's a quick knock at the door. They both turn to see it open, and the nurse enters, dragging a large machine with her. She greets them warmly, which was sweet considering Jackson probably won't understand anything she says from then on out. But she doesn't know that. She turns to him.

"あなたは父親ですか？" She's looking right at him. There's no mistaking the fact that she's addressing him, but there's no way for him to actually respond.

He panics. "W-Wa, 私-" 

"そうです ," Kole answers for him, and the nurse nods.

They both seem content with that, but Jackson is left in the dark. He doesn't do anything about it though because he's not the one about to get a sonogram taken of his insides. His problems are minuscule in comparison. Kole and the nurse continue talking as she sets up the machine. They laugh, and Jackson wonders if a joke was told. He also wonders if he was the punchline. Neither of them are aware of Jackson's internal embarrassment.

" 性別を言うのはまだ早いかもしれませんが、将来知りたいですか？ "

Kole shrugs. "わからない," he reaches out to Jackson, catching his attention. "Do you wanna know the gender? Not right now, but like, in the future,"

Jackson freezes. Kole doesn't seem like the type to care, and it's not like they're gonna have a baby shower or a gender reveal. There's no point in keeping it a surprise. "Sure. Why not?"

Actually maybe it was for the best that he didn't understand anything. Just one question had his heart in his throat. Reality was setting in with each passing week that in 6 months they'll have an actual baby on their hands. 

Kole gingerly raises the bottom of his hoodie up, letting the nurse spread a bit of gel around. He appears calm. Doesn't even flinch. Not that there's any reason for him to be nervous. The nurse takes the ultrasound wand and sets it on Kole's stomach. She gently strokes it along his skin, the contact producing a slick sound as it glides. The screen looks something akin to a Rorschach test, but the abstract mess only lasts a few moments before the picture becomes clearer. 

When Kole had handed Jackson that first ultrasound back when he landed in Japan, it hadn't hit him that this was something growing inside of Kole. He feels the weight of it now. He can see how much it's developed. It's little arms and giant head. Jackson couldn't imagine what it took to create a whole fetus out of nothing. Growing bones, organs, and skin. Something that would eventually be a person.

The nurse points to the screen.

"正しい角度になるかどうかわかりませんでした," she seems cheerful. "でもちょうどいい。背表紙で性別がわかる。"

Kole tsks, then turns to Jackson. "Do you think you wanna know the gender right now?"

Kole makes it sound like an inconvenience. Jackson just dumbly nods.

"私が間違っている可能性はわずかにあります..." she trails off. "でも女の子みたいだね,"

Jackson looks to Kole, who's still addressing the nurse. "了解," then he finally directs his gaze to Jackson. "It's not 100%, but it's probably a girl."

Jackson mouths the word, his brain turning to mush. "Is that good?"

Kole squints at him. "Yeah. I think it is."

Jackson is once again mindlessly nodding, his mind scattered at this point. Everything around him is deemed obsolete as he focuses on one thing.

Kole is growing something inside him that will eventually become a person.

And it's a girl. 

He's gonna have a daughter.

The apartment is just as they had left it, but there's a heaviness in the air that wasn't there before. Kole is right on track. Everything is healthy and as it should be, save for the obvious. Jackson got the rundown on the way home. Nothing too in-depth. Just short and sweet answers. He expected nothing else coming from Kole. Details were Jackson's thing, and that's what the medical report was for, and he probably looked it over a hundred times before they even got home.

"Nice of them to print it in English," Jackson remarked.

"I think the nurse thought I was a gaijin," 

"Are you not?"

"I mean, yeah, but I'm not as gaijin as you. I'm still half-Japanese even if I was born in fucking Georgia,"

Jackson hums. "Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

"Fuck no."

Jackson's eyes shoot towards Kole as he walks down the hallway. "You okay?"

"I'm tired." Kole doesn't look back as he stomps up to this room.

Jackson just stands there. He hates when this happens. He feels trapped knowing Kole isn't just tired, and that there's obviously an underlying issue, but he isn't naive enough to try to talk to him about it. Any attempts at that would be swifly shut down.

And he doesn't want to overstep.

But he also doesn't want to keep doing this. He doesn't want Kole to think he can easily be bribed with sex, or that sex is how to communicate with Jackson in any way. It's just...Jackson misses him. They're under the same fucking roof, and yet he misses him every time he goes to hide. And Kole does want the sex. He does want to be with Jackson just the same. But he doesn't want to talk. And Jackson has tried talking to him after they've fucked, and all it does is make Kole leave and feel that much more distant. 

Jackson takes a seat and sighs. Relationships take time. They've made a lot of progress with each other so far. This wasn't anything to get upset about. Jackson knows how hard it is to trust people. To learn somebody inside and out, and letting them explore you just the same. His trust had been broken before, and it didn't just heal the next day. That's not how it works. Nothing was going to change overnight, no matter how much either of them wanted it to.

And everybody was different. Kole doesn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve, and while it doesn't take long for him to get comfortable, it's sooner than later that you hit a wall. A big, fat, ironic fucking wall. And Jackson can tell it's worn down because Kole can't even bother to joke anymore, and when he's not in the mood to deflect with sex, this is what Jackson gets. Absolutely nothing. He hides, and Jackson doesn't have the guts to go find him. There's still that fear of messing up. He's already irreversibly messed up with Kole by getting him pregnant; the least he could do is give him space.

He's thought about leaving. He doesn't want to, but the more Kole gets like this, the more he feels like an intruder. Like he's not supposed to be here, and his mere presence is making Kole worse.

There's that fear again. The fear of being the entire fucking problem. He needs to talk to him before things really get bad. It's a necessity at this point because it feels like everything is on the verge of collapsing and-

There's a crash upstairs. Jackson whips his head up to look at the ceiling. 

"Kole?"

"I'm fine." 

He's monotone, which is 100% in his character, but Jackson has already convinced himself that he's fainted. He's running for the stairs, tossing the papers away with no time to set them down.

"I said I was fine," Kole's words do nothing to deter Jackson, and he makes it upstairs to find Kole sitting on his bed. Completely fine.

"What happened?" Jackson approaches him anyway and kneels to try to see if there's any damage he hadn't noticed at first glance.

Kole points to the smashed bottle of wine in the center of the room. It was probably taken from the mini bar near the stairs. Jackson should have seen it when he came in, but his attention was fixed on Kole, and Kole alone. He slowly looks around, wondering what else he's missed, and notices the front of Kole's closet has piles of clothes strewn all around it, painting an even more questionable scene.

He turns back to Kole, who wants to be anywhere else but here. He asks again. "What happened?"

Kole shrugs. "Can't have shit in this house."

Jackson is confused. "What?"

Kole shrugs again, smiling. "Can't have shit in this house," he looks at Jackson expectedly, but Jackson doesn't know what he wants from him. Kole rolls his eyes and still doesn't provide an answer. Jackson knows what he's doing. He's treating him like a fucking interviewee. Taking these long pauses and letting Jackson get uncomfortable enough with the silence to try and fill it with his own answer. He doesn't. He waits Kole out until he throws his hands up in defeat. "What? You speak like three languages, dude. Do you really not get it?" 

"I don't."

Kole points behind Jackson. "Can't have wine. Can't have clothes that fucking fit me. Can't have shit in this house."

Shit. Jackson knew this was coming eventually. Especially since Kole liked tight shirts that already barely fit him. Jackson wouldn't be surprised if he'd bought them specifically for the fact that he couldn't stretch his upper body without exposing half his midriff. He gently lays his hand on Kole's knee. "We'll get you new clothes."

"I don't want new clothes. I already have clothes. What I want is to fit in them." Jackson tries to keep his face neutral as Kole speaks. He doesn't want to give away how much it hurts having everything out of his control. And telling Kole that he would fix everything if only he had the power to would only come off as condescending. "I want to get drunk, and go to shitty nightclubs, and not have my entire life policed around something I didn't even-" 

He stops and turns his head away. He's smiling, but his breathing alone gives away the fact that he's beyond upset. Jackson can see it all over his face. And just to make things worse, he says something Jackson always had in the back of his mind, but was too afraid to address.

"What the fuck am I gonna tell my mom?"

Jackson silently panics. They had 6 months before the birth, and nobody outside of them knew about it. He'd been so focused on Kole and making sure everything went smoothly that he'd neglected the reality he was setting himself up for. Showing back up in Shanghai with a baby after telling his parents he was taking care of a friend is probably gonna give them simultaneous heart attacks.   

But Kole's situation was 10x worse simply because there's no reason for him to be pregnant whatsoever. It should never have been possible. His mom's biggest worries should be him getting stabbed in Shibuya after pissing the wrong people off, or hell, getting a girl pregnant, not himself.

"I don't know what to do. I don't want my mom to know, but I can't keep this from her, and-" Kole takes a long breath, his brow furrowed. "I don't want this. I don't want a baby, I don't want to be pregnant, and I keep thinking about how it's probably going to kill me,"

"It's not gonna kill you-"

"How the fuck am I supposed to give birth?" Kole snaps. "Even if they cut it out of me, I could still die."

"I won't let that happen," Jackson regrets saying it as soon as it's out. He can't keep that promise.

Kole snorts. "How? 

Jackson's voice involuntarily trembles. "I don't want you to die,"

"Okay? Me neither. That doesn't mean shit," Kole shakes his head. "Do you know what the nurse said when my X-Rays came back?"

"No."

"She said my-" he scoffs. "My womb is just a pocket. It's not connected to anything. They're gonna saw me open when it's my due date."

"If I could take back that night, I would." 

"Fuck you, Jackson,"

"I mean it. I hate seeing you like this. I hate being scared. Nothing's worth losing you, Kole," even if it's what brought them together.

"But don't say shit like that," 

"It's the truth,"

"It's not what I want, though." Kole is still berating him but it isn't out of malice. His tone is harsh yet undeniably fearful. 

Jackson's lip quivers. His head hangs down now, unable to look at Kole. "Why?"

"Because you're not a fucking regret, Jackson. You're not a consequence to me. And even if you are, you're the best one out of all of this shit," Kole shoves him. "I keep...I keep waking up and expecting you to be gone, and it's like...if you leave, everything that's keeping me going goes too. I want you here, Jackson. Even if I'm the worst fucking person, I-" he swipes his hand in dismissal, giving up on the rest of his sentence. "Fuck,"

Jackson can't help it any longer. Tears well up in his eyes, and he's unable to stop them. He quickly brushes them away, fighting to find any sort of composure. "I'm just-" he chokes up. His throat feels so tight that he thinks he might suffocate. He forces the words out, his voice squeaking. "I'm just sad that-" his breath hitches. "That loves not enough to make things better. That's all I can think right now, because I could fix everything like that," he snaps his fingers. "But I can't. And I feel...I feel helpless? Like, no matter what I do, or how I feel, everything is against me, and I...it feels like I just met you, and I don't want to lose you so soon,"

He lets himself freely cry, just for a moment. Kole isn't even crying, so what's Jackson so upset for-

"Is that what you feel?" Kole asks. "Love?"

Jackson's teeth audibly chatter. He sniffs, dabbing his cheeks gently to try to dry his face. His eyes blink. He swallows. He does everything a person who's done crying does in an attempt to trick himself because there's no dodging this particular question. There's an answer, but it's not something he can throw out in an emotional moment. "I-" he croaks, clearly not done crying. He swallows again, then finds control. A laugh bubbles up from his chest. "What's the right answer here?"

"I'd appreciate the truth,"

Jackson laughs again. It's just as pained as the last. "Things don't have to change. If I answer that question, there's only one outcome where everything stays the same. You know that, right?" Jackson shakily says. "If I say no, what then? Is it whatever because you don't feel anything either, or are you gonna be disappointed? Are you gonna get depressed, and then really want me out?" He struggles to say the next part. He needs confidence more than ever. He needs Kole. "And what happens if I say yes?"

Kole doesn't even try to meet him in the middle. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

Jackson falls forward, a long, drawn-out noise that could read as either a laugh or a cry escaping him. Kole's cold demeanor shows no cracks. Jackson sucks in a breath, sitting back up. "And that's what I want, right? Is that what you want?"

"I don't have anything to do with that."

"You have everything to do with it." Jackson smiles. Even after all Kole had just said to him, the look on his face could easily be read as hatred. "So, what do you want?"

Kole's jaw goes slack, and his eyes are the closest thing to dead without being completely empty. It's a look Jackson was familiar with at this point. He's mad and trying to come up with the worst thing he could possibly say to Jackson. Nothing ever stuck, but this one might. Jackson knows whatever he says, he's gonna regret. And he's prepared to smile in the face of it.

But then...Kole changes his mind. That was a first. It makes Jackson wonder how horrible it could have been to make Kole visibly guilty without even saying anything. He looks away, still inside his head as Jackson was left waiting for an answer. A moment later, he expects to get one as Kole turns back, his eyes looking Jackson over. Kole leans towards him, and Jackson doesn't realize what he's doing until they're already kissing. There's a short, greedy moment where Jackson thinks it is the answer, only for Kole's hands to snake to the bottom of his shirt and try to lift it.

Jackson grabs his hands as he breaks the kiss. He doesn't try to put any space between them. He doesn't want to. Even if it's a deflection, he can't help but be happy with how close Kole is. But he knows it's for the best. Jackson tilts away, and Kole attempts to follow him.

"Don't," it hurts rejecting him, but it hurts even more that Kole can't even be bothered to have a single serious conversation with him. "I'm not going to let you keep doing this. We need to talk eventually."

"Eventually isn't right now."

"I'm making it right now," Jackson lets go of his hands in favor of pushing him back. "Please just talk to me."

"We just did,"

"Kole, that wasn't talking. We need to actually discuss things. Find solutions."

"Like what?" He's getting agitated again. "What exactly can we do about this? Look, I'm sorry for having a breakdown, but the more I think about it, the more I accept that it's out of my hands."

Jackson takes a deep breath. "We can start with the easiest one. I'll get you some new clothes,"

"Don't make me look like the maternity section at Target-"

"I'm not! And baggy clothes are trending right now, so it shouldn't be hard to find something."

"Thank God I'm not in Atlanta...have you seen that meme?"

"What meme?"

"Baggiest jeans in Atlanta,"

"You want jeans from Atlanta?"

"No."

"Oh-" Jackson fumbles a bit. "Well, we'll get you clothes. That's the first priority."

"Yeah, and what about everything else?"

"...you know I would have told my parents the second I found out. I know that's not the same for you, but for me, you're not a secret. I'd be happy to introduce you to my parents. They'd be happy to meet you. But I won't do anything unless you want me to. That's all it boils down to," Jackson shrugs, still uncertain of himself. "I'm fine with meeting your parents too, if you ever consider it."

"And how's that gonna go? What am I supposed to tell them?" Kole hums.

"The truth. It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault we're in this mess." Jackson places his hand on Kole's knee in an attempt to comfort him. "I promise you, the hardest part is saying it."

"Is that what your problem is?"

"Kole-"

"If you say it, I'll say it. I'll tell my mom I'm pregnant, but only if you tell me the truth."

Jackson nods. "Okay...okay," fuck, why is this so hard? "These past couple of weeks have been...so fucking weird. And I've been having to ask myself a lot of questions. My team keeps asking questions too, but I don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell them that my career, my life, is probably going to change forever. And it's hard to prepare myself for it because...I keep thinking about you."

For the first time in this entire exchange, Jackson seems to be getting somewhere. Kole is really looking at him. He has his attention. He can't fuck this up.

"I don't want you to hate me. I don't want to be...overbearing. I don't want you to feel as if you're doing anything wrong. I keep thinking about how everything could go wrong, so trust me, you're not even close. But I keep thinking of the worst, and how it was me who got you like this, and even if I wasn't, I'd still wish the best for you. I wish the best for everybody. But with you...It's not just because you're a person, or-" Jackson shakes his head, deciding to start over. "I'm not in love with you."

Kole makes a face, nearly killing Jackson's confidence.

"I care about you. I care about you so much, and while I could be developing some type of attraction, it honestly could just be misplaced feelings because I already feel a lot of responsibility for what happened, and the sex probably doesn't help, but...the questions I keep asking myself are usually about my career and my parents. And you, of course, but when it's not worrying about you, it's wondering how our relationship is going to look in the long run. I don't think it's strong enough to survive joint custody battles, or a baby in general, so I think I would..." Jackson grits his teeth for a moment. "Like to strengthen it...and get to know you better. Maybe over dinner, or whatever you think would be comfortable."

"Oh my God, did you just ask me out on a date?"

"I don't think I'm in love with you-"

"I'm literally pregnant with your child,"

"I don't wanna say it's a crush, but I feel like we have something special here that could develop,"

"Yeah, real special,"

"And I really do like you, Kole," Jackson shrugs. "I don't know if my judgment is messed up because I naturally feel a lot of empathy for you and your situation, but I don't think you're a bad person. I like being around you, and living with you, and we're already connected because of the baby," he shakes his head. "But that's not to say we're settling with each other. I was already drawn to you before any of this. When you called that day, I came for you. Not for anything else."

"Yeah...I guess so..." Kole tapers off quietly, and Jackson can't help himself. He's had this question for months now.

"Why didn't you call me? After that night?"

"Because you're Jackson Wang,"

"Right, I forget sometimes,"

"No, but for real, I may act like an entitled asshole, but I'd rather not act like we're actually friends,"

"Are we not?"

"We are now. I don't know about back then."

"I thought we were friends..." Jackson shrugs, getting a horrible sense of déjà vu. "I remember that moment on the bus when you thought I was mad. I still don't understand it because all I did was try to flirt with you and egg you on." He scoffs. "See, this is why I hate being a celebrity. If I was anybody else, you'd see us as friends. I have to jump through hoops just so people know I don't do fake PR bullshit. I really did enjoy hanging out with you."

"Yeah, I get it, but you gotta admit, everybody's kinda fake nowadays,"

"Yeah, they are, but be honest. If it was anybody else but me, would you have called back?"

"I mean, if it was Osama Bin Laden-"

"What?"

"You said anybody."

"Okay, let me rephrase. If it was a carbon copy of me, who wasn't famous, would you have called back?"

Kole pauses for thought, his eyes trailing over Jackson. "Yeah. I think I would."

Jackson doesn't know what to do with the answer he'd been so desperate for. He simply nods. "So-"

Kole beats him to it. "So that means I gotta call my mom. Actually, I'm gonna text her. Where's my phone?"

He stands up, patting his pockets and leaving Jackson alone with the smashed wine bottle that he'll probably clean up just so Kole doesn't have to bend over. Because they do things for each other. How nice is that?

Chapter Text

Jackson is gone. Kole doesn't know when he left. All he knows is that he wasn't there when he got back. There wasn't any indication that Jackson had been planning to leave. His absence spoke louder than any note.

But then Kole caught sight of him in the toy store across the walkway and guessed that was probably the most obvious place he'd be. Jackson was in his mask and sunglasses, looking kinda creepy as he dug through a bin of Pokémon plushes. Kole hands the shirt he had tried on to an employee, explaining that it wasn't a good fit, and then set off to Jackson. He notices Kole approaching as he enters the store.

"I already have a thousand of these," Jackson shows off a Squirtle. "But one more can't hurt, right? If it's for the baby?"

"Yeah. But I have a feeling you're not actually getting it for the baby."

Jackson's face is hidden under his disguise, leaving his next move unexpected as he makes the Squirtle do a little dance, and in a genuine sing-songey voice, quietly goes "Shawty, I'ma only tell you this once, you the illest,"

Kole smacks the toy out of his hand, and it drops back into the bin. 

Jackson looks down at it for a moment before turning back to Kole. "Guess what I came in here for?"

"What'd you come in here for?"

Jackson points behind Kole, where there's a large display case with a couple Labubu boxes locked behind it. "You want another one?"

Kole rolls his eyes. "Shut up, let's go,"

"Come on, man," Jackson sulks, but allows Kole to drag him out. "When are you gonna admit you like things from Hong Kong?"

Kole doesn’t answer. “I think I’ll stick to ordering clothes online. Lot less embarrassing.”

"Embarrassing? What do you mean it's embarrassing?"

"I'd rather not have to ask for the "Fat Fuck American" section every time I go in somehwere,"

"Kole-"

"It's a joke, let me vent."

Jackson shuts his mouth, thankfully giving up on whatever "Love yourself" lecture he probably had planned. After a moment, he tries something else. ”You sure? We’ve only been in one store. Even if you don’t like everything, you should at least get something since it’s gonna take a couple days for shipping,”

”Why can’t I just wear your clothes until they get here?” It was a fair question considering he was literally wearing Jackson's clothes at the moment. They weren't exactly Kole's style, but he won't complain about the quiet luxury vibe. And they were baggy enough to hide his figure, so that was a plus. Also, they fucking fit, which was pretty good.

Jackson freezes for a moment, then twitches. He grabs Kole, pulling him close enough to whisper in his ear. "I like it too much," before letting him go and putting distance between them. Kole immediately follows him, not letting him get away.

"What'd you say? You like it too much?" Kole gets as far into his space as he possibly can. "You like it when I wear your clothes?"

"We look like, uh, matching," Jackson steps back. "Emo twins,"

"That is true. You need to wear more color, dude."

"Yeah, I do," Jackson says with a nod, all the while avoiding Kole the best he could. "I think I've just had enough of color. And it's hard to do all that shade analysis stuff. Black is just easier." They're walking together now, with Kole continuously running into him and forcing him closer and closer to the wall. "And I'm fine with bright colors, but I won't dress myself in them, you know? I just- can you not?" 

Jackson's backed up to the wall now. "What? What's wrong?"

"I'd rather not do this in public."

"You started it."

"You asked. I answered." he slinks his arm around Kole, taking back a little control and resuming their window shopping. Jackson can't help the fact that Kole looks good. It has nothing to do with the fact that he's wearing Jackson's clothes specifically. He could buy them brand new, and it would totally have the exact same effect on him. Right down to the subtle sniffing as he holds himself back from taking his mask off. 

"I know what you're doing," Kole mentions casually, bumping his hip into Jackson. "Can we go home?"

"And what? Let you steal all my clothes?"

"I can think of a few other solutions,"

"Like what?"

Kole shrugs. "Just don't wear any,"

Jackson puts him in a headlock that only lasts a moment, still mindful of the other people in the mall.

"Should we ask chat?"

"Fuck chat, man," Jackson shakes his head. "Can we do something first? Before we go home?"

"Yeah, I actually do want that Labubu,"

"Okay, but after we get the Labubu, can we do something else?"

"Like what?"

"Lunch?"

"Oh, you're still-"

"Yeah, I still wanna do that," Jackson says, squeezing his shoulder. 

"Doesn't that feel like we're moving backwards?"

"Not really. I wanna get to know you. I don't wanna talk about the baby, or any of that other stuff,"

"Ahhhh," Kole nods. "So you're going to interview me."

"I was going for like, just generally hanging out, but sure, we'll go with that,"

"And what are you gonna get out of this?"

"What do you get out of being so difficult?"

"You like it, don't you?"

"Not lately, no."

"I don't believe that."

"You don't?"

"I don't."

Jackson was sitting in the booth, resting his head on his hand as he watched Kole open his new Labubu. It was a cute little brown one.

"Oh, hell yeah," Kole seems happy with it as well, which is all that really matters. Gift giving was a great love language, but Jackson liked giving more than receiving on account of the fact that he's probably gotten over a million gifts at this point. He could tweet that he liked Angry Birds Star Wars plushies (just to be specific) and people would start throwing them at him in the street. He's glad Kole doesn't seem as generous. "I'm guessing you're paying for lunch too?"

"I invited you, didn't I?"

"Do I look that poor?"

"You're cheap, not poor. There's a big difference."

"Is that a problem?"

"Sometimes." Jakson smiles. Kole eyes him up and down, and then Jackson feels him toeing at his ankle, trying to play footsie, apparently. Jackson smoothly turns his legs out of reach. "I thought you'd have some manners."

"Didn't we hook up after I grabbed your dick in public?"

"Yes." Jackson didn't try to deny it. "But you can be nice for an hour, can't you?"

Kole sighs, settling into the booth but still exuding attitude. "Fine. What do you wanna talk about?"

Jackson's lips curl inward, and he looks down at the table between them.

Kole stares at him in turn. "What?"

"If you don't want to do this, you don't have to." Jackson says firmly. "I'm not gonna force you to hang out with me or be my friend."

"Aw, man. I feel like you of all people would appreciate a good Tsundere. Doesn't it get boring with everybody being nice to you and a suck-up?"

Jackson grimaces. "Well, as somebody who's been on both sides of-" he waves his hand around, trying to find the right words. After a moment, he tries a different approach. "I mean, I grew up good, but I was always fighting for...respect, and trying to earn it from people who never gave a shit about me, and I've-" he snorts. "Been a nobody. Lived in a whole different country that...had a lot of people that hated me just because of where I was from. That's not to say it was an exclusive experience to Korea...and I'm not saying I didn't have privilege. I mean, I had one of the biggest companies behind me, right? That's gotta be a privilege, right?" 

Jackson smiles, knowing he's getting too worked up in such a short amount of time. He was nowhere near raising his voice or standing up like he was giving some grand speech about how fucked up JYP is, but he was close enough. He shrugs in blunt dismissal.

"I don't know. I think I'd just...rather not go back to that. Even if it meant I didn't have to deal with suck-ups."

Kole shifts uncomfortably, and that's what Jackson means by close enough. He doesn't have to shout to make Kole uneasy. He just has to be painfully raw.

"My bad, dude," Kole says, sitting up as his body tenses.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For being, like... pretentious, I guess. I don't mean to be a dick about your struggles,"

"Hey," Jackson reaches forward, offering his hand. "Trust me. I know how it is. You just gotta be a dick sometimes, huh?"

Kole looks unamused at Jackson's expectant delivery. "Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because," he doesn't offer anything else.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny,"

"Yes, you are, and you're bad at it,"

"Humor is subjective,"

"No, it's not. I don't like it,"

"I genuinely don't see the problem." Jackson laughs.

"It's stupid,"

"I've seen you act stupid on stream all the time. Why don't you wanna act stupid with me?"

"Because you're so..." he looks actually disgusted. "Sincere,"

Jackson throws his arms up in mock anger. "Since when is sincerity a bad thing?"

"You know I've been trying to watch old videos of you when you were in K-pop,"

"No, I didn't know that."

"Well, I haven't exactly watched much because it genuinely hurts," Kole's face scrunches up in pain. "Like, I literally cannot watch more than 5 seconds of you making, like...derp faces,"

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me you never thought those were funny,"

"Yeah, when I was 12,"

"No, I don't believe it. You still make funny faces,"

"It's not like that, though."

"How is it any different?"

"It just is, dude,"

Jackson shakes his head, leaning back in his seat. "Great. Make me feel old and dumb,"

"Look, man, I'm all for being cringe, but 2010's humor is pushing it, even by my standards."

"You know I was the cool guy, right? I was literally the cool guy, please tell me you saw that I was the sexy cool guy,"

Kole shakes his head.

Jackson shrugs defensively. "Whatever. I thought it was stupid too. But that didn't stop me from trying to have fun. I can't exactly take it back. And you know one day you're probably gonna find yourself cringe too, right?"

"I already find myself cringe,"

"Then just embrace it, man. Be like me. Have some sincerity."

"Maybe later. Maybe when I'm a dad." Kole says casually. "Also, for a guy with no kids, you sure do act like a dad,"

"I don't. I'm just mature."

"That's not the word I'd use,"

"You only say that because if I'm mature, what the fuck does that make you?"

"Pregnant," Kole kicks him lightly under the table.

Jackson kicks him back, and they have a one-second fight under the table before they both realize it's stupid and immediately quit.

Jackson composes himself. "Do you really think I act like a dad?"

"Kinda. I think you'll be a good dad."

Jackson hums. "That's great. Especially since I've been scared shitless about actually being one,"

"Don't say that, man." Kole shakes his head with a light smile. "You're the last person who needs to be nervous. The fact that you're even scared is a good thing. Some people don't even give enough of a shit to care that much."

"But you have to admit, this isn't just babysitting. This is raising a whole human."

"Anybody would be lucky to have you as a dad. You'd get to be born rich. Have a...B-list celebrity parent,"

"That's also something I'm worried about. Nobody gets to pick their parents, but I still think privacy is something everyone has a right to. And immediately being born with a spotlight on you just sucks."

"Oh my God. She's gonna be a nepo baby. Someone call the police, we gotta save her,"

Jackson waves him off, finding his monotone joke lame. "But seriously, dude. I know most kids wanna be famous, but they don't have the ability to understand what that really means. It's not something you should be able to sign up for when you're 14, and it's not something you should be forced into with no say. And I feel like an asshole because there's no guarantee I can keep her from that, you know?"

"It can't be that hard to not post her on Instagram."

"Of course it isn't. But when I want her to be involved, and see what I do, and not be locked in a house her whole life, it's gonna be a little hard to keep her off the internet when people already like taking unsolicited pictures of me."

"Yeeaaahhh...yeah, that does suck, you're right," Kole doesn't have a joke for this one. "I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault. I'm just...voicing my anxieties, you know? Not looking for a solution, just talking."

"And what do you mean 'involved'? Are you gonna let the baby in the studio? Make some Baby-Shark shit?"

"She might have my musically inclined genes. Doesn't hurt to expose her young. You don't have to be famous to make music. It could be an outlet for her; it doesn't have to be anything monetary."

"What are you gonna do if she wants to be a K-pop Idol?"

"...she's free to do whatever she wants when she's 18. But I hope by then she knows there are better options out there."

"Like a junior Olympian?"

Jackson laughs. "If she's passionate, I won't stop her. But I will protect her, which might make her hate me anyway,"

"She's not gonna hate you. She's not even here yet."

Jackson suddenly scoffs, sitting up. "Look at this. I said I didn't wanna talk about the baby, and look at what we're doing,"

"We really suck at this, don't we?"

Jackson groans, throwing his head back against the cushioned seat. 

"Also, if the baby does turn out to be a musical prodigy, you can't take all the credit for it."

"Why not?"

"You know I make music too, right?"

Jackson's head snaps back into place. "You do? What kind?"

"The shitty kind. How do you not know this?"

"I'm not a stalker, Kole. I don't know every single thing about you,"

"I thought you'd at least know my Youtube. You already watch my TikTok, I thought you'd make an effort to know my other stuff,"

"And why'd you think that?"

Kole's eyes go back and forth between Jackson and the camera that doesn't exist. "...because I do? I just told you I watched a bunch of your old content."

"You also called me a fucking stalker for watching your TikToks,"

"Oh come on, you know I didn't mean that,"

"You gotta learn to make up your mind, man,"

"Shut up, dude," Kole is fidgeting with his Labubu now, taking a moment to think. "Also, I texted my mom,"

"Oh? How'd that go?"

"I just said 'I'm pregnant' and she sent back a bunch of laughing emojis,"

Jackson grimaces. "Something tells me she didn't take it seriously."

"Yeah...I'll call her later, don't worry,"

"I'm not worried, Kole,"

"You should be because I'm thinking of going home...and I want to ask you to come with me,"

Jackson keeps himself pretty composed, considering his heart just dropped into his stomach. "Sure. Yeah, I'll go with you,"

"It'll only be for a couple days. Just to let my mom know. And I'd rather not get committed to a psych ward for saying Jackson Wang is my baby daddy, so you actually being there would help a lot."

"Right, right, that wouldn't be good at all,"

"And I'll pay for it,"

"You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to." Kole is firm, yet gentle. "I'm not gonna treat you like a wallet with legs. Just make me feel even more shitty,"

"What do you mean feel shitty? Why do you feel shitty?"

Kole's mouth goes lopsided for a moment. "I'm sorry I made you cry yesterday."

"Oh. Oh, no, don't apologize for that. It wasn't about anything you did."

"It literally was. I don't like being overly emotional. It was just a bad day."

"And you don't have to apologize for that. Everybody has bad days."

"Joker ahh quote,"

"Can you be serious for one second?"

"No, I don't think so. It's kinda hard to be serious when we're in an IRL Omegaverse. Do you know what that is?"

"I've been on the internet longer than you." Jackson deadpans. "I've seen myself as both the Alpha and Omega. It doesn't faze me anymore."

"You be reading fanfiction?"

Jackson shrugs. 

"Yeah, okay," Kole looks at him with this coy little smile that makes Jackson's heart flutter. "See, you're funny when you want to be. I feel like you just do too much sometimes."

"And you don't?"

"I didn't say that. We can both be cringe."

"Yeah, let's be cringe together,"

"You are so lucky you're hot," 

Indeed he was. Even though he was apparently 'cringey' and 'unfunny', it wasn't enough to stop Kole from seeing his better qualities and inviting him to his bedroom that night.

And shockingly, not for sex. 

They had been winding down after arriving home. The day had gone by faster than expected (thanks to another spur-of-the-moment shopping spree since Kole was in better spirits after lunch), and they got home when it was dark. They made dinner and watched a bunch of dumb videos on Kole's phone while they ate, and then continued watching even after they were done eating. They got a little sidetracked and were upset to find out that the clothes hadn't been magically put away on their own while they goofed off. But they eventually made their way upstairs with the dozes of bags they had accumulated, and after sorting all of Kole's new clothes, Jackson had naturally decided to head downstairs to his futon, ready to turn in for the night. 

"Hey, Jackson?"

He stops halfway down the stairs. "Yeah?"

"Do you wanna sleep up here?"

Jackson freezes. "Like...sleep, sleep?"

"Yeah. Do you wanna just move up here?" Kole asks with his hands in his pockets. "Make it less awkward when we fuck and you don't have to go back to your futon in the morning,"

"What, like... permanently?" 

"Yeah." 

Jackson looks around before he slowly makes his way back up to Kole's room, and then stands in front of him. He waits for something to happen. For him to kiss him, or suck his dick. Just something sexual because that's what he expects after a whole day of flirting. But Kole just heads to bed, stripping off his shirt and grabbing his phone so he can lounge under the covers. Jackson is still left standing there, looking at Kole doing nothing until he gets annoyed at being watched.

"Are you gonna come to bed or not?" Kole snaps at him.

Jackson comes to his senses, realizing that Kole was indeed serious. He starts taking off his own clothes, throwing his shirt to the wind and kicking his pants across the floor. He leaves his underwear on because he doesn't wanna send the wrong message as he gets into bed as well. He lies there, stiff as a board and unsure of himself as Kole doesn't pay any mind to him. Or at least, he thinks he isn't.

"You usually wear underwear to bed?"

Jackson swallows, staring at the ceiling. "No."

"You don't have to, you know,"

"Well, how was I supposed to know if you wanted me to get naked? What would you think of me if I just assumed that?"

"I would think you were psychic, but that's honestly a little too flattering."

Jackson grumbles but takes his underwear off anyway, casting it to the other side of the room just so he couldn't change his mind. Kole subsequently takes that as his cue to shuffle over to Jakson's side and rest his head on his shoulder as he continued scrolling.

"Look," Kole says, showing Jackson his phone. He's open to TikTok, and there's a photo of a sad cat drenched in what appears to be milk after face-planting in its bowl. Kole points to it. "That's you."

Jackson grabs his phone from his hands and tosses it onto the bed. Kole looks at his hand holding nothing before turning to see Jackson staring at him. He notices how his eyes trail down his face, his neck, all the way to his chest, partly uncovered by the blankets. Jackson smiles.

"What are we doing?"

Kole's head shakes a little. A nervous twitch. "Cuddling."

"Is this real life? Am I really naked in your bed and we're not having sex?"

"I guess so,"

"Would you like to?"

"Yeah, but..." Jackson patiently lets him find the words. "I just missed hanging out with you. Being near you."

"I missed you too."

"And I'm sorry it took a mental breakdown for this to happen,"

"Don't apologize for something like that,"

"I already did, and I'm not taking it back," 

"Well then...I forgive you. That's the least I can say. But I will also say that if it hadn't happened to you, it was probably gonna happen to me sooner than later."

"Damn. I'm really driving us both crazy, huh?"

"Yeah, but not like that. Not for me at least."

"But you were still having a hard time because I was being...fucking insecure, I guess. How bad was it?"

Jackson knows he wants the truth. "I thought about leaving. Not because I hated you, but because I thought you hated me."

"That's fair. I wasn't exactly communicating or anything."

"I just didn't want you to feel like you were walking on eggshells in your own house. I don't want to be a source of stress, or the worst part of your day that you only keep around because the sex is really good. And again, it was never about me having a problem with you. It was me feeling like the problem and just...knowing you'd be better off if I left." 

Kole nods. "...you know I need you. Even if I don't say it, you really make me feel like everything is gonna be okay. So don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jackson reassures Kole as he embraces him tightly. He also takes it upon himself to take Kole's glasses off for him, which had become a habit at this point. He stretched across the bed to set them on the nightstand, curling further into Kole's arms and staying there, feeling his hair tickle under his chin.

"You smell really nice," Kole mumbles against his skin, making Jackson laugh.

"Thanks. You too."

The last thing Jackson expected was to be woken up by Kole insistently tapping him.

"Jackson," he whispers, as if someone would overhear. "Jackson,"

Jackson mumbles back. His mind and body were disconnected, and he couldn't even ask for a moment to wake up. His throat feels like marble, and clearing it does little to help. His words are slurred, but he still manages to ask, "What time is it?"

"I don't know," it's clear Kole hasn't been up for long either. He still sounds sleepy.

Jackson manages to peel one of his eyes open. He expects Kole to ask him to get up and get something for him, given how non-urgent his tone is. Jackson doesn't expect an emergency. "What'd you need?"

"My dicks gone."

Jackson doesn't move. "What?"

"My dick is gone."

He blinks, wondering if he's still asleep. "Are you- What?"

"I can tell. It's not there anymore." Kole doesn't sound upset. He's indifferent at most as he flips onto his back and sighs. Jackson is still in recovery mode. His other eye finally opens as he fights for every bit of consciousness he can get. There's not much he can do as he watches Kole slide a hand down his pants. Kole doesn't give much of a reaction outside of his eyes fluttering. "Fucking knew it,"

He pulls his hand out and brings it up to see a wetness coating his fingers, thick enough that it strings as he spreads them apart. Jackson looks wide-eyed, still in shock. Kole just laughs.

"I guess we don't have to worry about the birth anymore,"

Chapter Text

Jackson thinks his eyes might pop out of his head. He's clawing internally against his mind and body, begging to either wake up or get up and face reality. He expects this to all be a dream, to be passed out and drooling on Kole's bed, but he feels so grounded that he knows he's not. This wasn't his mind tricking him, this was as real as it could get.

Kole peers at him through his lashes, his soft features hardening just to frown at Jackson. "You good?"

"No," he croaks. "Are you okay?"

"What do you mean no? Is your dick gone too?"

Jackson lifts the covers to check. His mouth falls open as he sighs in relief. "Fuck, I still got it,"

"Yeah? Lucky you," Kole doesn't sound snarky, but Jackson assumes he wants to be but just hasn't woken up enough to channel that ability yet.

"Fuck man, I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. Just one less problem..." Kole scratches his ear. "I hope I get it back though."

"Yeah, me too. I like your dick,"

"I'll miss it if it's gone forever,"

"Let's just pray it comes back after the birth."

"If it doesn't, can you give me yours?"

Jackson knows the inquiry isn't serious, so he has no trouble answering "Sure."

"I'm gonna wake up after the dick surgery and be like 'Where's Jackson?' and some doctors gonna tell me 'Who do you think gave you the dick?'"

"You're taking this a lot better than I thought you would."

"What the fuck am I supposed to do? Should I start screaming or something?"

"I mean, I would," Jackson admits. 

Kole huffs, taking a moment to throw his head back against the pillow and close his eyes. He basks in the morning sun peaking through his windows. At peace, and uncaring as a stray strand of hair popped up in his mess of a bedhead. Jackson stares at it, embarrassed at how infatuated he was with the little things about Kole. He should be focused on what's going on in Kole's pants, not how his freckles are really visible in this lighting. Of course, that line of focus was temporary as Kole suddenly raised his hips and shimmied out of his pants. His underwear stayed on, and it was clear that whatever was underneath was completely flat.

Jackson watches Kole swallow, his Adam's apple visibly bobbing. His arm comes up, and Jackson's eyes trail along the veins as Kole's fingertips brush against the band of his boxers. It doesn't take long for him to work up the courage to venture further, exploring his new predicament. Jackson's right with him, knowing that if Kole didn't want him there, he'd make it loud and clear. Everything felt beyond intimate as Jackson watched him touch himself, his hand hidden in his underwear as it moved up and down.

Jackson observes Kole's face now, expecting quiet panting, his eyebrows knitting together, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

But instead, he finds Kole looking confused at best. His hand speeds up, then starts moving erratically, signs of frustration evident on his whole body. 

"Am I stupid?" Kole suddenly turns to ask Jackson. "Am I genuinely fucking stupid?"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't feel anything," he practically rips his hand out, and there's a dull wet pop that Jackson forces himself not to acknowledge. "Where's my phone?"

It takes a minute for both of them to fish it out from the blankets. It's at 5% and Kole uses its last leg of life to Google "vagina anatomy", immediately opening images to diagrams. He sits up, his other hand going to take his underwear off before hesitating.

Jackson looks from his hand to his face. "What?"

"What if it's ugly?"

"I don't think you should call it that," Jackson stutters. "That's misogynistic, Kole,"

"It's mine, for fuck's sake," he hisses. "I'm allowed to call it ugly." Their spat seemingly has Kole taking his underwear off out of spite. "Do you even know who I am? I read feminist literature."

Jackson can't even respond. He's too busy taking in the sight of Kole's underwear slipping down his thighs, and the nothingness that sits between them. Kole's posture goes awkward as he tries to get a look for himself. It's uncomfortable; his slight bump isn't helping, and he's having a hard time keeping it open with one hand.

"Fuck-" he curses, and Jackson should have expected the next thing that comes out of his mouth. "Can you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Find my clit? Since I'm apparently too much of a fucking man to even find my own?"

Jackson tenses, and then his body answers before he does, pulling the blanket off himself so he can slink into position. "Okay, sure,"

He gets down there, and Kole's legs are already spread as he holds his phone so Jackson can look at the image for reference. He's not down there for more than two seconds before Kole asks, "Is it ugly?"

Jackson scowls. "No. It's normal."

"Not what I asked."

"Shut up, man," Jackson uses his sight alone to observe (his hands shaking so bad he doesn't even wanna try to use them), and everything is in its place. "What were you even trying to do?"

"I don't know, just seeing what it was like,"

"Okay, where were you touching?"

Kole's other hand comes down and lands right on top of his clit.

"You had it, dude."

Kole looks disappointed. "For real? I thought this shit was supposed to be some kind of orgasm button. Is mine defective?"

"I don't think so,"

"Then what's the big fucking deal about clits? I feel ripped off." Kole's phone dies just then, and he raises it in exasperation. He scoffs. "Jackson, buy me a new vagina."

"Why don't you ask me to buy you a new dick?"

"Kill yourself," the immediate regret on his face is evident. "Shit, I didn't mean it. It just slipped out,"

Jackson laughs, knowing that the aftermath of Kole losing his dick wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows. If this was the worst of his outbursts, he's grateful. Things could be a lot worse all things considered. He bows his head, still giggling to himself as he breathes a little too close to Kole's core. His aroma is thick, and there's a low heat radiating off of it. Jackson was so caught up in this new scent, he didn't even notice the way Kole's thighs flexed attentively. He's too busy trying to keep his face close and casually drink in Kole's scent without him catching on. 

Kole didn't care because he was preoccupied with his own arousal flaring up at just the mere fact that Jackson's face was right there. His breathing goes shallow, and he reaches down to press on himself, trying to relieve the sudden ache that started all because Jackson breathed on him.

Jackson notices his situation now. 

"Fuck, dude," Kole grinds into his own hand. "That's so weird. How'd you do that?"

Jackson doesn't know. "Why? Did I turn you on?"

"Fuck, I guess so," he groans. "It's like it's...it's throbbing,"

Jackson's mouth waters.

"Genuinely, how'd you do that? Why does that work while touching it doesn't?"

"I don't know. I'm not an expert."

"Like hell you aren't." Kole takes his hand away and wipes it on the sheets. He must think Jackson is gonna judge him for it. "I'm gonna wash them,"

"I would hope so, considering you're leaking." 

"Really?" Kole strains his neck forward to see the wet spot pooling between his legs. "I couldn't even tell. This thing doesn't give you much warning."

"I guess not," Jackson keeps his eyes on Kole's face, just as Kole does with him.

Kole smiles. "I like it when you're in ugly mode,"

Jackson flinches in confusion. "What?"

"You're not wearing any makeup, your hair isn't styled, you got a bit of stubble-"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm ugly,"

"Well, you're not in idol mode, or celebrity mode, so what mode are you in?"

"I'm in-" Jackson knows he's being teased, but still tries to fight against it. "Home mode. Bed mode. I don't know, just not ugly mode."

Kole is grinning at him.

"What? You don't look any better," Jackson taunts, shifting onto his hands and knees to crawl up to face him. The bed dips under his weight as he gets there, and he settles damn near right on top of Kole. "You look..." gorgeous, breathtaking, beautiful, "...I don't even know the word for it in English, that's how bad it is,"

Kole hums, lifting himself just enough to press his lips to Jackson's. They kiss, slow and sweet despite the morning breath. It doesn't last nearly as long as Jackson wants it to, but Kole offers him something else as he mumbles against his lips. "Can you do it again?"

"Do what?" Jackson whispers back. 

"Put your mouth on me?"

Jackson smiles. "I didn't put my mouth on you. You wanna know what I did?"

Kole makes a quiet sound that Jackson takes for an affirmative, and leaves him with one more kiss before heading back down. He lies between Kole's spread legs, his head right between his thighs, and his mouth hovering just above his cunt. He huffs, the hot air skimming against the new and sensitive organ. He can't see Kole, but he can hear him. Can feel him shudder. He unexpectedly raises his hips, begging for contact as Jackson's nose brushes against his skin.

"Doesn't make fucking sense," Kole airily gripes. "Feels so fucking good,"

He continues pushing his cunt into Jackson's face, barely meeting his lips each time. Jackson lets him, even angeling his head so he was open mouth panting on his clit each time he rolls his hips up. Kole in turn starts mewling in annoyance.

"Fuck-, fuck me, holy shit-"

"Kole~" Jackson warns lightly. There's only so much he can take before giving in and fucking him senseless. And even if they both want to, it's not exactly the best idea to fuck a magical vagina that appeared randomly out of nowhere. The best course of action would be to get Kole checked out first. "You just got it today,"

"And? When you buy a new car, do you let it sit in the garage for a week?"

Jackson pulls himself out of reach. "This isn't a car, Kole."

"You're right. You can't even ride it."

Jackson clicks his tongue. "You're pushing it,"

"I want you to fuck me," Kole blurts out like it means nothing. "I'm like Madonna up in this bitch,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, I'm technically a virgin, right? Come on, Jackson. Take my virginity again."

Jackson pauses. "Again?"

"Well, you did take my ass virginity,"

Jackson's stomach twists. "That was your first time?"

"Taking it up the ass, yes, but definitely not my first first time,"

"That would have been nice to know," Jackson isn't upset, just disappointed. "I would have been more gentle. I can't believe I called you a slut, that's not something you do during someone's first time,"

"You called me a slut? When did that happen?"

Jackson's hands wave around uselessly. "I mean, you had implied I was a slut too, and you did ask what slut was in Chinese-"

"You called me a slut in Chinese? What the f-"

Sensing an argument that would go on for way too long, Jackson decides to bypass and give in to what they both wanted. He rolls his eyes and plants his mouth on Kole's cunt, sucking as his thighs come up to squeeze around Jackson's head. Kole can't even express his own pleasure with words, or even moans. He writhes underneath Jackson, the sounds of him slurping and tongueing his clit filling both their ears. Kole's mouth hangs open, a gasp leaving him every so often as Jackson eats him out. One tapers off into a squeak as he tries to speak, but can't. He throws his head back.

"Fuck," he wheezes. "Wait, stop-stop-stop"

Jackson peels away, the taste of Kole heavy on his tongue.

"Fuck, it's so weird," Kole croaks.

"Obviously," Jackson shrugs, hyper aware of how wet the bottom of his face feels.

"It's like I have to focus on it. Like it's building up and if I don't...fuck, I don't know,"

"It's okay. Everything's new, take your time,"

"It's so intense, you have no idea," Kole rambles on. "Can I have multiple orgasms in a row? That's a thing right?"

"Don't you wanna savor your first one? Why do you wanna immediately jump into a second one?"

"I'm just saying I wanna savor my first double-orgasm. So if I say 'don't stop', don't stop."

Jackson nods. "Whatever you say, your Majesty."

Kole's face drops. "Get the fuck off me,"

"I don't want to,"

"Then shut up and-"

Kole doesn't even need to finish his sentence. Jackson's right back on him like a starved man offered water. His tongue slips down his folds, finding his entrance and toying with it. There's still that question of whether it was anatomically correct and if Jackson would have an issue fucking him. It seemed to be pretty normal so far, though. It was certainly hydrated. 

"Wait, don't do that, that's not doing anything for me,"

Jackson retracts his tongue. "Thanks for telling me,"

"Who said you could talk?"

"Right, sorry," Jackson drops his head once again, giving Kole's clit all the attention in the world. 

"Fuuuuuuuck," so much for 'what's the big fucking deal about clits?'

Jackson keeps these snarky quips to himself. It's not like he could talk with a mouthful of pussy anyways. And he was happy to draw out all these new and loud noises out of Kole. Jackson couldn't recall a time where he'd been this loud when he had a penis. 

"FUCK, holy shit, Jackson-" Kole smacks a hand over his mouth. Jackson can barely make out his next words. "I'm gonna get fucking evicted,"

Jackson continues tonguing his clit with the same ferocity, feeling him grind into his mouth as his hips couldn't decided whether or not to rise up or drop down against the intensity of his impending orgasm. Jackson feels him shake underneath him, and keeps to their agreement. Kole doesn't say stop, so Jackson doesn't. He keeps flicking his tongue even if it was starting to hurt. His whole face was growing sore from the exertion, he was beginning to understand now why Kole has such a defined jaw after sucking so much dick.

"Fuck, okay stop-" 

Jackson doesn't need to be told twice. You would think he just resurfaced from underwater with how hard he was sucking in as much air as possible. He hadn't realized how deprived he was until it was already over. But even though he had almost just suffocated, he had his priorities. "You need to learn more words, man,"

"And you need to get a better fucking vocabulary,"

"It's all 'fuck this' and 'fuck that'. Try something different."

"Fuck you," Kole's not in the mood for an English lesson it seems. "You just gave me a double-orgasm and now you're just saying a bunch of bullshit,"

"I didn't even know that happened," Jackson says, legitimately surprised. "You came twice?"

"Yes, oh my God," Kole chokes up. "You gotta get one of these things, they're amazing,"

"That's easy for you to say. You got one for free, I gotta pay for mine."

"It's so good, dude, it's so fucking good," Kole is in a mindless bliss, reeling from his double-orgasm as Jackson crawls up and flips back over to his side of the bed. He's allowed merely 2 seconds of rest before Kole taps him on the shoulder. "Can you do me a favor?"

Jackson sets his jaw and hears it pop. "Yeah. Sure."

"Can you put your dick in me?"

He sucks on his bottom lip, knowing he's painfully hard. "I feel like we should make sure it's safe before I do that,"

"What? Do you think it has teeth or something?"

"No, but now that you mention it-"

"Come on, Jackson," Kole whines. "You don't even have to fuck me, I just want you in me to see what it's like."

Jackson sighs. "...can you jerk me off afterwards then?"

"Hell yeah,"

He sighs again, feeling painfully old as he maneuvers back on top of Kole. He hasn't even done his morning stretches. This is too much physical activity for having just woken up a couple minutes ago. "Do you need me to stretch you?"

"Probably not. It feels like you could put your entire arm up me and it'd be fine."

"I got you that wet, huh?" Jackson teases him even as he slips his cock inside. 

"Wait, are you in?"

"Yeah,"

"...can you move?"

Cautious but ever the gentleman, Jackson starts shallowly fucking Kole. "How's that?"

Kole doesn't say anything but his face twists into one of indifference. "Yeah, this parts overrated as fuck,"

"Thought so," Jackson grunts as he pulls out. "Now give me a hand, will you?"

Chapter Text

There's a bruise on Jackson's neck that both of them are embarrassed about. It was a complete accident on Kole's part. He'd gotten carried away and what was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill tantalizing nibble turned into a semi-permanent source of shame. Jackson had brought only one turtleneck, and now he's gotta be the guy who wears the same shirt three days in a row while waiting for a love bite to fade. Neither of them was shy, or against a little bit of fun exhibition, but come on. Hickeys were just lame. 

Well, at least visible hickeys were. Oh, look at me, I fuck nasty. Get a life, dude. Either commit to the bit and wear a gimp suit in public, or keep it in the bedroom. 

And again, Kole isn't dissing hickeys. He's literally covered in them. From his chest, down to his inner thighs, he's a conservative freak. Nothing he couldn't cover, and nothing he couldn't teasingly flash with a lift of his shirt as he asks Jackson if he should get a tan. Jackson can't even make fun of him because his skin is littered with them too. They can't keep their mouths off each other, but that doesn't mean everybody has to know. There hadn't been a rule set where they both agreed to keep the biting from the neck down, it was just common courtesy.

Kole is lying in bed, completely turned sideways on his stomach and unable to remember how he got into the position. His head rested on his arms, with one dangling over the edge of the bed as he watched Jackson observe himself in the mirror, running a hand down his neck. 

"Man, I told you to chill, look what you did,"

"I'm sorry,"

"No you're not, you...you horny motherfucker,"

Kole grins, trying to hide behind his arm. "I really didn't mean to, though,"

"Yeah, I know," Jackson stretches his head back, seeing how the hickey rises to the center of his throat. "I'm too old for shit like this,"

"You keep saying that."

"Well, sometimes I feel like I should act my age a little. Not be so fucking stupid,"

"I'm the one who did it. Am I stupid?"

"You're allowed to be stupid."

"And you're not?"

Jackson looks at him through the mirror, thinking. "I'm allowed to make mistakes. I'm not allowed to be stupid and not learn from them anymore. I gotta keep learning, gotta keep growing. I can't like...go back."

"Regress?"

"Y-Yeah," it's kinda obvious he doesn't quite know if that's the right word but trusts Kole enough to assume it's correct. Jackson can't remember every single word of three languages. He's only human. "But mistakes are fun. Enjoy them while you can."

"Oh yeah, totally enjoying my mistakes right now,"

It was a half joke, half truth. He was mostly thinking about Jackson when he said it. His new day to day monotony of waking up, getting his brains fucked out, brushing his teeth, shower sex, breakfast, fucking, lunch, you already know it, dinner, I don't even have to say it, sleep, and whatever other random tasks they had decided to do. This was all something he earned by being really stupid and flying too close to the Jack(sun).

Of course it wasn't the only consequence, and it wasn't surprising that Kole could see Jackson's mind wander to the baby instead of their relationship as a whole, with a sad, guilty expression all wrapped up into one smile. Jackson's hand comes up then, pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes squeeze shut. Kole is quiet, his mind suddenly going a mile a minute as a lot of questions pop into his head. He doesn't know where to start, and he guesses it doesn't matter anyway.

"Do you see what we did as a mistake? Because I don't," Kole raises his head, trying to speak clearly. "I was just joking,"

Jackson's eyebrows raise for a split second as his hand slides down. He turns around, naked and uncaring as he stands there. "I mean, we definitely fucked up somewhere along the way, but no, I don't think it was a mistake. I try not to...I try not to see people as mistakes. I can see actions or words as mistakes, but not people. Even if its hard, and I sometimes gotta drop people for being assholes, but at that point it's my fault for letting them stick around that long,"

"You can be a victim, you know,"

"Yeah, I do," Jackson nods. "But the older I get, the more I think about my choices, and how they matter."

"You don't have to take responsibility for other people screwing you over. You're not stupid for literally being a victim,"

"Yeah, but I gotta do better, man." He starts pacing. "I don't wanna just walk into another fucking trap. I don't wanna have happy memories that I can't look back on because I chose to make them with the wrong person."

Kole scoffs. "You are way too hard on yourself, dude,"

"I don't think so." Jackson shakes his head, his tongue digging into his cheek as he comes to a standstill at the window. "I gotta keep learning. I gotta make better choices. Can't regress."

"Okay, so if I told you one of my closest friends stabbed me in the back, would you tell me to just 'make better choices'? Do you see how fucked up that sounds? Do you see how fucked up it is to do that to yourself?" Kole hasn't even sat up. He isn't taking this as serious as he should but he's still saying exactly what Jackson needs to hear, whether he realizes it or not. Both of them have started to naturally understand each other, an obvious outcome as their relationship develops. It's been about two weeks since their hiccup, and they've been making up for it by spending practically every waking hour with each other. And it's not just sex anymore. Yep. They talk now.

Jackson side eyes him, gives him a once-over, then shrugs in acceptance. "You got me there,"

Kole learned that it's easy to sway Jackson to his way of thinking. There's nothing special to his debate skills. He just found out early on that Jackson cares about Kole. Enough to care about what Kole cares about. And Kole cares about Jackson. So obviously he's not gonna take kindly to anybody being mean to him, and by proxy, neither is Jackson (even if it's himself).

Jackson settles on the corner of the bed, too distant for Kole's liking. "Fuck, man. It's hard doing this self-love thing while also trying to like...self-improve. And I do love myself, but all this shit just...what's that thing? Rewrote my fucking brain?"

"Rewired your brain chemistry?"

"Yeah, yeah, that thing. You look at the world different when shit happens to you,"

"You have such a way with words. You should put that on a T-Shirt," Kole slyly starts to crawl over to Jackson who has his back turned to him.

"I know I'm saying obvious shit, but it's early, so forgive me." He doesn't react as Kole drapes himself over his shoulders. It's early enough in the morning that everything's got a cool blue tint to it. And enough light to see, but not straight sunlight. "But honestly, I'd feel shittier if I felt like I made no progress. Especially when I'm in my thirties."

"Thirty years old is not old, you're still a kid, it's not old," Kole says it in a dumb enough voice that Jackson knows he's making a reference to something even if he doesn't get it.

"Is that a meme?"

"Yeah."

"...when you do stuff like that sometimes I think you might be too young for me,"

"Weird how the memes divide us more than anything,"

"Yeah, I know right? It's like you're from a whole other planet sometimes because I really don't know what the fuck you're saying,"

"I feel the same way when I look at your Instagram,"

"Oh my God, this again?"

"I will literally just be scrolling through it, and as soon as I think it's not that bad, you have to remind me that you're thirty and don't know how to fucking post when it's not like...tour dates and collabs."

"Why are you so obsessed with my Instagram? If you don't like it, stop looking,"

"Hold on, wait," Kole darts away to grab his phone, quickly returning and holding his arm out in front of Jackson as he presses into his back. He's downright giddy as he opens the app. "This one's my favorite."

It doesn't take long for him to open Jackson's page like he's done it a thousand times, and scrolls down to posts from spring. "Oh, come on, those are from months ago,"

"Shut up, look at this. It starts out whatever, like it's just you looking handsome," Kole swipes to the next pic in the slideshow. "And then a nice professional shot, probably from a photo shoot, and then a couple drone shots of your concerts, cool, cool, but then, for some reason, you added a nearly identical photo of the first one, same pose and everything, but it's not the same," Kole starts laughing, seemingly unable to control himself. "And then more concert shots, and then another fucking picture of you just-" he cackles, pushing his body weight into Jackson before composing himself enough to keep swiping. "And then, more concert shots, you again, some fucking video, and then you-"

Kole gives up, throwing himself back onto the bed to laugh as Jackson is left to simmer in embarrassment. "You know how to make a guy feel great,"

"No, because why the fuck did you post that?"

"I don't know. Fuck, I'll delete it then. I'll delete the whole thing since I'm so bad at it apparently,"

"Don't, I'll lose my spank bank,"

Jackson looks genuinely shocked. "When the fuck do you have the time to masturbate?"

"Not lately, but it was def a lifesaver a couple weeks ago,"

"What-" Jackson makes a few random noises as he tries to find the words. "What is there to even masturbate to?"

"Don't act so modest, Jackson," Kole kicks him. "It makes you look stupid," 

Jackson surges forward, pinning Kole to the bed. "I'm what? What'd you call me? Say it again,"

"Am I gonna get punished if I do?" He sounds more excited than scared about the prospect.

It's enough for Jackson to give up the scare tactic and roll away. "I'm gonna get you back one of these days,"

"Yeah? And do what to me?" Kole cuddles right back up to him, disregarding the space put between them.

"Fucking give you a hickey too. When you least expect it."

"Can't wait." Kole is in a great mood this morning. It helps that he's not thinking about how much he'll probably regret confessing to jerking off to Jackson's Instagram. "Also, does it actually bother you that we kinda have an age gap?"

"Not really...I mean, there's definitely a disconnect on certain things, but I don't think there's any real problem."

"Do you think you'll get grooming allegations because you're eight years older than me?"

"Out of respect for actual grooming victims, I feel like you need to reevaluate what you can and shouldn't joke about-"

"I was only twenty-three, you sick fuck,"

"That's another meme, I'm guessing?"

"Yeah," Kole knows he's acting like an idiot and has been for the past couple of days. Jackson has had to put up with relentless teasing, petty quips, and lowkey pick-me behavior that would be more obvious if there was any other competition. Kole has been invading his personal space, clinging to him while he smiles up at Jackson regardless of whether he notices or not, and his most humiliating act of all: He's been trying to be funny.

Kole excels at natural banter with people he thinks are below him, as well as when he makes himself the butt of the joke. The worst thing he can do is try to actually be funny instead of going with the flow or letting other people take the lead based off his nothing burger sex jokes. Especially since embarrassing himself is usually his go to when trying to impress his friends, but in the sense that it jumps out like the green goblin as opposed to actually planning it. He's also prone to punching down, even when he knows it's bad, and he regrets it literally while he's saying it, he somehow can't help himself. He knows he shouldn't make fun of grooming victims but his head is filled to the brim with Jackson Wang and wanting to impress him to the point his reasoning skills are fried.

His only saving grace is that he's done worse for way less cool people. Nothing could phase him at this point, but Jackson doesn't have to know about any of that. Kole just has to stop and think before he opens his mouth to be an attention whore for a guy who already gives him all the attention in the world. It's just so pathetic how much he wants to make Jackson laugh, and agree with him, and think he's so smart and handsome. Be on his mind a fraction of how much Jackson's on his.

"Can you not look up at me?" Jackson breaks his train of thought. "You're getting all my bad angles."

"Everybody who's shorter than you sees these angles all the time. Do you hate short people? Are you scared they might give you head?"

Jackson snorts. "What the fuck? Where do you get these memes?"

"I'm just chronically online. You should try it sometime,"

"No, I'll turn into a weirdo like you,"

"What? You don't wanna develop a mommy kink?"

"Is that a real thing? Or are you just...fanservicing?"

"Why? Do you want me to call you mommy?"

"Normal people don't talk like this,"

"What are you saying?"

"I feel like you have a porn addiction,"

"I haven't watched porn in months,"

"It's not like I've given you the chance to,"

"Oh my God, I'm cured," Kole's arms squeeze around Jackson's middle, hard enough to hurt a little. "And you can't even call me out for being a sex addict because you literally do it just as much as me,"

"I still can't believe you gave me a hickey," Jackson wheezes as he pushes Kole to stop suffocating him. "People are gonna think I'm a freak when it was your fault,"

"Then tell them it was me. It'll be your signal to everybody that you're taken. You get the hickeys, and I get the pregnancy. That's fair, right?" Kole sits up, looming over Jackson. "Should I keep giving you them for the next six months?"

Jackson has this doe-eyed look to him as his face gradually drops with each word Kole says, having stopped listening around the whole- "Signal I'm taken?"

Kole rolls his eyes after a pause that was a second too long. "Oh, here you go,"

"You're the one who said it," Jackson props himself up on his elbows, his face just below Kole's. "What kind of slip-up was that?"

Kole shakes his head dismissively. "What? Do you want me to be a single mother whose baby daddy is out partying and sleeping around?"

"We don't have to be together for me not to do that."

"Bullshit. There's no other way, and you know it," 

"Kole, there are millions of other ways. I think you're just looking for an excuse."

"An excuse for what? You're meeting my fucking parents next week, what else do you want from me?" Kole grins shyly despite his combative front. 

"Nothing. This is good enough for me." Jackson's words end with a peck on Kole's lips. "This is all I want."

Kole buries his head into his shoulder.

The hickey was unavoidable, personal, and, while a mistake, still something between them. Jackson's going to cover it whenever they leave the house, but maybe one day both of them will decide to say fuck it. And just let it be out there. 

It may not be the best allegory in general, but it's the best they've got.

Chapter Text

Jackson's hickey was gone by the time they were set to fly to Atlanta. Kole knew this because he was currently getting an eyeful of Jackson's neck as it strained in exertion. The expanse of his skin was smooth and unmarked, since both of them had made an effort to be mindful and refrain from leaving any traces, even in areas that would easily be covered. It had been Kole's idea to see if they could go a whole week without biting each other. Just to prove that he wasn't a freak and had full control over himself, if given the right incentive. Jackson acts like he's playing along, but they both know that Jackson would genuinely eat him if the opportunity arose.

Their plane was set for departure at twelve, and they had at least four hours to get to the airport. Four hours seems like a lot in any other context, but in airport time, that's nothing, and they were practically late already. They had no business acting like they had all the time in the world for a quick fuck. Maybe they should have challenged themselves to abstain from sex entirely instead of just hickeys for a week. Maybe then Kole wouldn't find himself on Jackson's lap with his cock buried inside him. 

They were on the couch with their suitcases propped up nearby because they honestly had been on their way out. They just got distracted.

Jackson's hands were squeezing Kole's hips as he bounced on his cock, his expression akin to pain as he panted. He was far from in pain, though. He was merely overwhelmed as Kole speared himself over and over with a needy intensity. They both knew this was gonna be their last fuck for at least five days, and were taking it out on each other as Jackson berated Kole for his desperation, even if it made him a hypocrite as he fucked back with the same ferocity. 

"Look at you. Making a mess, Kole-" Jackson catches his bottom lip with his teeth, gnawing at it instead of outright moaning. Everything within a six-inch radius of Kole's cunt had a thin coat of fluid over it. It made for an easy slide inside, but Jackson wasn't in the mood for a shower when they were already being reckless with the little time they had. He tears his eyes away from the sight of his cock disappearing in and out of Kole to look at a clock. "Fuck, we're gonna be late, man,"

Kole's hand comes up to grasp Jackson's neck, his thumb digging into the spot where the hickey once was. "Then hurry up and make me fucking come,"

Jackson allowed Kole to do this for all of five seconds before flipping over to the side and setting Kole flat on the cushions. He pulls the hand from his throat in favor of pinning both of them just above Kole's head. Jackson's in his face, breathing against his lips. 

"I can't believe we're gonna be late because you can't go two seconds without sex-"

"Fuck off, this is your fault, and you know it." Kole cuts him off. 

"How is this my fault?"

"Fucking walking around naked all the time."

"I did that before I even met you. It's just my nature,"

"Sexy ass nature,"

"Damn right," Jackson presses his weight onto Kole's wrists, keeping them trapped as he begins fucking into him, reducing Kole to a moaning mess

It didn't kill them to show up only two hours early. They still made their flight even after squeezing in a shower. They were lucky enough to settle in for their fourteen-hour flight without stinking of sex, disturbing everybody else's peace in addition to their own. Nobody would be able to tell by just looking at them that they had been all over each other this morning. There was zero indication that they were even together like that at all. As far as anybody was concerned, they were just travel buddies who didn't talk face-to-face because just then, Jackson felt his phone vibrate, and he looked to see it was a text from Kole, who was sitting right next to him.

He glances at Kole, and sure enough, his phone is open to Jackson's messages, waiting for him to respond. 

Kole: im bored

Jackson: Me too. If only there was a way for us to talk in person.

Jackson is smart enough to understand that Kole wants to keep their conversation private, but he doesn't understand why.

Kole: do you think they can read our messages on the wifi? would we get in trouble if we started sexting?

Jackson takes a moment to physically turn in his seat and stare at Kole in disbelief. Kole waits him out, and he eventually returns to his phone.

Jackson: You can not be serious

Kole: fine. ig i won't try to get you horny on a plane.

Jackson: Yeah. Good idea.

Kole: im sorry i can't be normal about you even in public

Jackson: Define normal

Kole: i don't know. not be horny ig. 

Jackson can see that he's still typing, and looks over to him in a cycle of typing and backspacing before finally sending something.

Kole: we're exclusive right?

Jackson's heartbeat picks up a notch.

Jackson: Yeah.

Kole: how do we act like it without being degenerates?

Jackson: I don't know what you mean

It's his turn to be stared at, feeling Kole's eyes all over him.

Kole: the nicest way i can put it is that ive never felt this way about anybody before. never this intense.

Kole: and having you all to myself made me forget you're actually a celebrity. so im trying to think of ways to make it obvious that you're taken without actually saying it

He doesn't give Jackson a chance to respond before coming up with his own suggestion.

Kole: make a tape?

Jackson: Are you saying you're jealous?

Kole: im saying you have a responsibility to make it clear you're taken without jeopardizing my privacy

Jackson: And making a sextape is how to do it?

Kole: 😛

Kole: not my job to figure it out

Jackson: So we can be dating if it's a bit for your TikTok but not actually come out and say it's real?

Jackson: Where's this all coming from anyway?

Kole: fine. im jealous. i actually fucking hate the idea of people approaching you. so you need to start wearing a sign or something.

Kole: and how about we tell our literal families first before the rest of the world?

Jackson: Fair enough. At least I know you're open to the discussion now.

Kole: can i be serious for a sec

Jackson: Sure. You got 10 hours to be serious

Kole: when you asked me whether or not i would have called you back if you werent a celebrity, this is one of the downsides i was thinking of.

Kole: i dont want my mans being thirsted over u feel me

Kole: but i also know that once we open that gate, we can't close it

Kole: and even if i only joke that were dating, its still what 80% of people talk about in my comments. and i'd rather not have my entire existence be reduced to the fact im having your baby just yet. because once we actually confirm it, its gonna be like my comment section but 100x worse and really fucking annoying.

Jackson: We don't have to confirm anything if we don't want to

Jackson: I can make it clear I'm taken without ever saying your name

Jackson: I can tell my fans I have a baby without saying anything else just the same

Kole: how tho?

At 2:53 AM, Jackson was able to post on his Instagram for the first time in months. He'd scrolled through his camera roll as he sat in the backseat of their Uber, picking out a few random selfies and pictures of Japan's scenery he had taken. He was mindful to pick ones that didn't reveal or show too much. None of them read as though Kole was just off to the side as he took them, even if he had been. It looked as though he had simply been enjoying a rather long break in Japan. 

And for the last photo, he picked one that had been taken not even a minute prior. One of him in the dark Uber, doing a bit of a duckface because he couldn't help himself, and holding up Kole's phone that showed nothing but a white screen, and one single word in the middle.

Taken.

It was the best they could do in terms of a sign, considering neither of them had brought a pen or paper with them.

"What time is your mom expecting us?"

"Around noon. I don't wanna wake up super early for no reason."

"Yeah, me neither,"

They were in a hotel for the night. Their stay would only last about eight hours maximum, but it's better than immediately having to drive for an hour and be forced to meet new people at 4:00 fucking AM. And it also gives them a bit of breathing time.

"What exactly did you tell her again?" Jackson mumbles to him across the bed. They were definitely gonna fall asleep mid convo, but the nerves were killing him enough to keep him awake that much longer.

"Well, we weren't exactly dating when I told her we were visiting. I just said...like, hey, I have a really, really important friend I want you to meet. And we're coming over to do it in person just to let you know it's serious."

"How serious does she think it is?"

"I already told her I was pregnant. She can't get mad at me if she thought it was a joke." Kole shifts to get comfortable, his eyes closed as he continues. "But she knows there's like...something between us. Even if I didn't say exactly what. I don't just fly out my friends to meet her, and she knows that."

"Does she know who I am?"

"She knows your name is Jackson and that you make music."

"Fantastic."

"That's all she needs."

"I trust you, Kole," Jackson's words start to slur a little. "I trust you."

"That's funny because everything I just said should make it obvious that I can't be trusted to...do fucking anything right."

"It's not like either of us has done anything like this before. I don't know how I'd break the news to my parents. All I know is that it's best to get it over with."

"Yeah...so you wanna just get it over with?"

"Yeah. Let's get it over with."

"I can't do this."

Jackson has to grab Kole by the arm to stop him from taking off. "Yes, you can. You already rang the doorbell."

"Just pretend we're ding dong ditching,"

Jackson looks at him with confusion. "What the fuck is ding dong ditching?"

Kole doesn't have the opportunity to answer before the door opens, and his fearful expression is immediately replaced with a manic smile. "Hi, Mom!"

He's pulled into a hug that never quite gets complete. "Kole-oh," his mom pulls back, noticing his stomach. "What happened? You gained weight?"

"Yes, but no..." he looks back at Jackson probably five times in the span of three words. "I'm pregnant, remember?"

She laughs. "Oh, right. And this is Jackson?"

Jackson reaches out to shake her hand. "Jackson Wang,"

"Wang? 王?"

Jackson's eyes widen. "Yes, 王."

Kole's mom looks at her son with faux disappointment. "You never tell me anything! All I get is a name, and not even the last one! I thought he was American because you like keeping secrets,"

"Does his ethnicity matter?"

"No, but why don't you tell me anything?"

"I do. You just assume I'm joking half the time, so it's better to show than tell." Kole shrugs awkwardly. "Also it's good that you don't care that he's Chinese, because the baby's gonna be half."

His mother looks sandalized. "Does he know about it?"

Jackson steps forward. "Yes, I do,"

"Good. I don't trust Kole with a baby on his own. Now come in, it's getting cold,"

Chapter Text

"What did you say you were again?"

"Pregnant,"

"Right. And what does that mean exactly?"

"That I'm pregnant."

"Right, right," Kole's mother turns to Jackson, addressing him as if they were privately chatting and not literally in front of Kole. "Do you know what he means?"

Jackson looks between their two expectant gazes. "He means...that he's pregnant. With a baby growing inside of him."

"Right, that's what I thought,"

Jackson nods nervously. "We know it's a lot to take in. We really did try to break the news as gently as we could and ease you into it. Did he not tell you about it a couple weeks ago? 

"Yeah, I remember him sending me a text that said he was pregnant."

"I understand completely if you thought it was some kind of joke,"

"I have to always assume he's joking. I stopped taking what Kole says at face value when he was...about three years old-"

"Oh, come on," Kole dramatically sits back and crosses his arms.

"It's true! He learned how to talk, and it was so nice until he learned how to lie,"

"You make me sound worse than I actually am,"

"And he'd do it even when it didn't benefit him. I'd ask, 'Kole! Did you spill this cup of juice?' and he'd say yes, only for us to find out it had been the cat,"

"Am I really that crazy for not wanting the cat to get in trouble?"

"And I remember he was about twelve when he had met two of my friends who were sisters, and afterwards, I asked him if he realized they were twins, and he goes on about how he was having a hard time telling them apart when meeting them, and I had to tell him...'Kole. They're fraternal.' They didn't even look alike, I don't know why he would-"

"Okay, first of all, you said it like it was an obvious thing that they were twins. I was working off the implication that I'd be stupid to not realize it, so of course I'd assume you meant they were identical, and of course, I'd lie about them looking similar because I was probably not even paying attention and just wanted to play Minecraft."

"See?" She points to Kole while looking at Jackson. "You can't trust him. He'd rather lie than just say the truth."

"I actually think he's pretty blunt?" Jackson says, his voice teetering off into uncertainty. "But only if you know how to translate it from the jokes he makes,"

"That is very true-"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here,"

"Stop interrupting my conversation with Jackson," she snaps. 

Jackson naturally sides with the owner of the house he was currently sitting in. "Yeah. Leave me and your mom alone."

Kole's mouth hangs open in shock. "I'm your son! You literally haven't seen me in months."

"I like Jackson better. You said he was, uh-" she turns back to Jackson, looking for confirmation. "Music? You do music?"

"Yes! I make music, I perform, I tour, I do all that stuff. I actually started out in a group, and I'm still a part of it, but I've been doing a whole bunch of solo promotions these past couple of years,"

"Are you famous?"

He smiles sheepishly. "Famous enough for Kole to reach out to do an interview."

"Oh, but not too famous that you would have said no,"

"I-" Jackson squeaks. "I guess?"

"I don't like the things Kole does sometimes, but I'm still proud of him and whatever project he has going on. I don't know why he posts them on the internet, though. If he ever wants to find a job, he's gonna have to explain why he posts so much about cheaters. And-" she directs back to Kole suddenly. "Why do you tell the internet things and not me? You do realize I get sent your videos and learn about them anyway, right?"

"Am I not allowed to have secrets?"

"Secrets with a million views that I can watch any time?"

Kole rolls his eyes. "You don't get it,"

"Good. I don't want to. Why does the internet get to know you're pregnant before me?"

"Because I was scared," Kole whines. "It's easier to pretend I'm joking than tell you I'm having a magic baby with some-" he gestures wildly at Jackson. "Fucking guy-"

Jackson's face drops. "Really? I was literally an Olympian, and all I get is some fucking guy?"

"An Olympian?" Kole's mother leans forward, intrigued.

"Yes, Ma'am. I competed in the 2010 Youth Olympics as a fencer when I was sixteen. Here, look," he starts rolling up his sleeve, much to Kole's dismay. "I got a tattoo as a memento, and while I love fencing, I loved music more, so that's when I decided to move to South Korea and pursue my dream."

Kole is visibly seething next to him. "Can you not make me look like a literal disappointment in comparison to you?"

He goes ignored as his mother examines the tattoo. "Wooooow, I can't believe it. How in the world did Kole even meet someone like you?"

"He asked for an interview," Jackson repeats what he said earlier. "And I indeed was not too famous to say no to him. We actually hit it off so well that we did another one a couple months later, and that's when-" he catches himself. "We became really good friends,"

Kole's mother nods before going quiet. "How exactly did the pregnancy happen?"

"Magic." Kole answers immediately. 

"What kind of magic?"

"Magic from the Magic Man. The kind that makes men pregnant."

"That's still the thing I don't understand-"

"You gotta get more woke,"

"But is it real? Are you really pregnant?"

Kole lazily threw his head back and sighed. With an attitude (that was obviously a deflection from his anxiety), he hiked up his jacket and shirt. "I'm not wearing some prosthetic," he can't stop his voice from shaking as he says it, reaching out and taking her hand, pressing it to his skin. "And I'm not fat either. If you still don't believe me, I brought some of my medical reports if you wanna go through them."

His mother feels his stomach intently, searching for any seams or straps. Anything to reveal their ruse. She found none. She knows Kole wouldn't go this far for a joke. She just didn't know how to believe it. 

"...if it was magic, how do you know it's Jackson's?"

"I don't. But if paternity was between Jackson Wang and not Jackson Wang, who would you pick?"

She frowns, nodding in reluctant agreement. "That's not really fair to him though, is it?"

"Trust me, ma'am." Jackson softly says. "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't."

Kole dares a glance at Jackson, his worried features softening. He looks to his mom. "Also, we had sex."

"I wouldn't brag about that, Kole." His mother deadpanned. "But I'm not surprised you defied biology to baby trap a famous musician who is also an Olympian. That seems like something you'd do."

"Soooo...how are you doing?"

Kole tsks. "You were right."

"Right about what?"

"It wasn't that hard to tell my mom I'm pregnant." He kicks at nothing, scraping his shoe along the ground awkwardly. "I didn't think she'd be mad or anything. I just...I guess it just makes it more real now, you know?"

Jackson knew exactly what he meant. They were alone at the moment, taking a walk around the property, and using the excuse of needing a smoke break to have a bit of privacy as they reflected on the day's events. Jackson hadn't expected Kole to call him corny for referring to it as a 'smoke break' when he's actually vaping, which is apparently way less cool and has different connotations. 

"She doesn't need to know everything, but I still feel a lot better now that she knows the main thing. And..." Kole scratches the back of his neck. "I don't know. I still feel like a disappointment."

"You're not a disappointment, Kole," Jackson gently drapes his arm around him. "Shit happens,"

"That's easy for you to say. You've done so much cool shit, I feel like you could murder someone and your parents would still be proud of you. Like you have too much aura to be offset by an unplanned pregnancy."

"From what I could tell, your mom probably loves you too much to care."

"Yeah, but like...I feel like an asshole."

"How in the world does accidentally getting pregnant make you an asshole?"

"Getting pregnant doesn't make me an asshole, but like...having this baby and her knowing her existence was an accident is fucked up."

"Weren't you an accident?"

"Yeah, and it kinda bothered me a little bit," he shrugs. "I know I'm not her. I don't know how she'll feel about it. It's just...not fair, you know? Why should two people's mistakes dictate someone else's entire life?"

"It won't."

Kole huffs, his breath visible in the cold air, and not too unlike Jackson's occasional vape puffs. "I guess it helps that we're past the point of it being just a bunch cells...Like holy shit, I got an actual baby in me."

"...can I ask you something?"

"Sure,"

Jackson stops walking, his gaze stuck to a spot on the road as he thinks. "I don't..." he silently struggles to find the right words. "I don't want this to feel like...you have no choice, or that you're forcing yourself to be okay with circumstances that you didn't even want. I know you don't want a baby, and I don't care if that's changed; I only care if it's changed for the right reasons. Like-" he sniffs. "Like me. Why did things change with us? What made you decide to...actually build a relationship? What made you not want to in the first place?"

Kole's tongue clicks on the roof of his mouth involuntarily. "I mean...I like you. And you're cool as an artist, I just...I wasn't even gay when I met you. I wasn't gonna...fucking ask you to be my boyfriend after a fucking hookup. And the whole pregnancy thing made me feel like a dick because it was like I was ruining your career by getting pregnant when it should have been impossible. And I...I had literally just turned twenty-three. I don't want a fucking baby. I would have aborted it if I had the time to. I was actually going somewhere with my TikTok, and I was basically living my fucking dream life. I don't want to have a kid and immediately fuck all that up."

Jackson was quietly listening to him vent. He had no intentions of interjecting, even as Kole took a moment to gather his thoughts. He hasn't even realized he's still holding Kole.

"And I don't want to be a leech. I wanna do shit on my own terms, make my own friends, and be my own person, and that's kinda hard to do if you're dating someone a lot fucking better than you." He raises his shoulders with a horrible smile. "You're more famous, more talented...I worked fucking hard to get as big as I did before I got to meet you. I know I'm using people like a fucking a ladder, but I'm still doing it by myself. I don't want people to only acknowledge me because I'm attached to you. I don't want to...to be reminded every day that I'm obviously lesser than you in every single capacity because all it does is make me ask myself 'What the fuck are you doing with me?'" He laughs. "What the fuck are you doing with me?"

Jackson shakes his head. "I'm not gonna base my feelings on where someone's from, or what they've accomplished. I'm here because you needed me, and I'm staying because I love you."

Kole wheezes, bumping into Jackson as he laughs. "Do you think that would have happened if you weren't forced to live with me?"

"That's what I'm asking too," Jackson grins. "Is this legit, or are we just used to each other?"

Kole leaves his space, still smiling as he looks down. "What if we took a break?"

"What kind of break?"

"You go back to Shanghai, or LA, or whatever, and I go back home. Just to see what it's like without each other now."

"See if we miss each other?"

"I'm not asking to end things," he grimaces. "God, fuck no. I'm asking...for certainty before we actually go there. See if we really are just used to each other. And it'll give you time to sort everything out with your team and stuff."

Jackson nods, watching as Kole starts walking again. "Okay."