Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a sharp, hard thump against the door at nearly four in the morning.

Eddie nearly fell off the couch where he’d fallen asleep. The TV flickered like a lazy flame, throwing the entire room into stark blue-and-grey shadows, a Are you still watching? beacon on its face. Eddie pawed around for the remote, getting upright and hissing from the creak in his neck. It was his… fifth night sleeping on the couch. His old room – new room, current room – just seemed… wrong. He couldn’t sleep there, anymore. Of course, the sheets were clean, and the walls were bare and just so barely touched with Eddie’s own decorations and pictures, but it felt like he could still smell and feel Buck in every single crevice.

The TV clicked off. Eddie rolled his bad shoulder, baring his teeth at the sharp lance of pain from the unforgiving couch, and wondered if he was going insane. Had he imagined whatever had woken him up?

Eddie startled when it came again, a rough thump-thump from the door almost like a knock, before the door handle jangled like someone was messing with it and trying to wiggle open the lock.

Eddie frowned, hackles automatically rising as he checked his phone for the time and any missed calls. 3:48. No missed calls or family emergencies he slept through. He rubbed at his eye, getting up from the couch and  creeping toward the door. His neighborhood was fairly safe. Even Meth Lab Jim wouldn’t break into his house. He checked the peephole, vision still sleep-blurry and his right eye’s eyelashes trying their best to clump together.

Buck.

Buck was at his door.

Why the fuck was Buck at his door at almost four in the morning.

And why the fuck was he covered in glitter?

Buck’s head, previously leaning against the patio wall, disappeared from view, and the thump-thump came again. This time, he also heard Buck groan right against the wood.

Eddie got his keys from the hallway, shuffling back to the door and unlocking it. When it swung open, Buck came swinging in with it, nearly crashing to the floor. Eddie grabbed him just in time, hanging onto his glitter-covered and very much bare shoulders. A yelp came from Buck’s chest, and he scrambled like an oversized cat, completely uncoordinated and smelling like six different types of booze, before he sent both of them tumbling over and booking it to the tiles.

“Ugh—Buck!” Eddie yelped, sprawled underneath the heavy bulk of a six-foot-something firefighter with the cold floor beneath his back. Buck’s skin was faintly sticky, giving off glitter wherever Eddie touched him, but he was also warm and soft to the touch. And even though he smelled like booze and – Eddie frowned – a cherry Slurpee, there was also the tang of his sweat underneath it all, surprisingly sending Eddie’s mind into a spiral as he registered the absurdity of the situation. “Buck, get up.”

Buck let out another groan, hot breath leaving a stripe down Eddie’s neck and sending a shiver down his spine, his nose digging in just underneath his ear. “Ed—Eddie,” Buck mumbled underneath his breath, nosing down until he was at Eddie’s collarbone, his hair tickling Eddie’s chin. “When—” Buck hiccupped. “—did’ja get—back? You were—were in—” Another hiccup. “Sexas. No. Texas. S—sorry. My keys are—gone. Couldn’t—find 'em. Lost m’ keys. And m’ phone. Fuck.”

Buck, ridiculously, broke into a giggle, still on top of Eddie, his jittering laughs vibrating right into Eddie’s ribs. Eddie pawed at him, trying to get some space between them, both of his hands now full of glitter and also weirdly sticky. Thank fuck Buck actually had pants on. Eddie doesn’t know what he’d have done if Buck had shown up on his doorstep completely naked, and not just bare-chested.

“Buck,” Eddie groaned.

Buck tilted his head up, blue eyes big and wide, regarding Eddie from way too close. His breath ghosted over Eddie’s nose and chin. His knees were spread wide, straddling Eddie, and when he got his hands placed next to Eddie’s ears, swaying as he pushed himself up, he was completely caging Eddie in. Every part of Eddie was aware of how close they were, completely encompassed in Buck, impossibly hot every place their skin touched. Buck hovered above him, eyes glassy as they surveyed every inch of Eddie’s face, still so close Eddie couldn’t smell or taste anything except the alcohol on his breath.

Buck’s face twisted up in drunk confusion. “…Eddie?”

“One and only,” Eddie grumbled, trying to focus on anything except Buck straddling him. His pants were also full of glitter, and the only thought spinning around in Eddie’s mind was when he gets off me, I’ll be able to see every place our skin brushed. Evidence of the touch of Evan Buckley.

“What—what’re you doin’ here?” Buck mumbled, swaying an odd pattern as he hovered above Eddie.

“I… live here?” Eddie didn’t sound very confident, even to his own ears, even though it was true.

“No.” Buck seemed extremely set on this answer. “Nuh-uh. You—moved. Left me.” Another hiccup. “Alone.”

Eddie frowned, twisting his head down as Buck dropped his chin to his chest, seeming genuinely despaired. Drunken melancholy, probably, although it took a lot of booze to get Buck into that state.

“No,” Eddie rebutted, trying for gentle, because he know that if they were already at melancholy drunk Buck, they were only a hairsbreadth away from sniffling sobbing inconsolably drunk Buck. Eddie ducked his chin until he could look into Buck’s glossy eyes, and Buck’s pupils were impossibly huge. “Remember, Buck? I moved back? Two weeks ago, Hen threw that big party, there was cake and everybody dressed up like cowboys.”

“You…” Buck looked away, towards the apartment, his arms straining like they were about to give in under him and wind Eddie.

In a sudden flurry of motion, Buck scrambled off him, nearly eating dirt as he started falling face-first in his hasty clamber to get off. Eddie sat up, leaning back on his hands as he watched Buck slip and slide on the floor. “Buck?”

“Where—where ‘s he?”

Eddie twisted his mouth in confusion as Buck swung his head around. “Who?”

“Chris! Chris!” Buck seemed genuinely excited and feverish at the same time.

“Buck.” Eddie got up from the floor after Buck, following his drunken stumble down the hall. Buck had stopped right outside Chris’ closed door, leaning his forehead against it, breathing loudly. “Buck,” Eddie repeated, louder.

Buck tilted his head up, eyes slits as they stared at Eddie, pupils still huge and dark. “Mhm. Where ‘s he? I just—wanna say hi.” A loud hiccup. His face twisted like he was holding back tears. “Missed him.”

Eddie reached out, slow and gentle, and put his hand on Buck shoulder. Buck immediately leaned into it, a clumsy hand coming up to enfold Eddie’s.

“Chris is still in El Paso, remember?” Eddie said. “School’s not starting until next week, so he’s saying goodbye to his friends and finishing the summer at my parents’, then he’s coming back permanently. We talked about it last week, remember? When I came back?”

Buck did not seem to remember this. He frowned, looking back toward Chris’ door, a pout and a low whine coming from his lips. “Not fair,” he grumbled. "Missed Chris. So much."

Eddie felt a glowing spiral of fondness curl through his chest. “Next week, Buck. Then you guys can hang out the whole week.”

Buck’s pout didn’t go away. Slowly, as if his limbs were losing power, he slunk down to the floor, ass connecting with the tiles and his arms clinging around his knees. Eddie stared down at him. Buck’s eyes glittered when he looked up, and it almost looked like there were tear tracks down his cheeks. “Missed you,” he said, voice small as his eyes were pinned to Eddie's.

Eddie slowly sunk down against the wall next to Buck, feeling his body heat in a solid line at his side, shoulder to shoulder. He ducked his head, still feeling the searing of Buck’s gaze on the side of his face. “I… I’m sorry, Buck. I had to go after him, you know that. Chris is my… everything. He’s my whole life, Buck. I had to get him back. You know that. I know you do.”

Buck nodded. “I know,” he slurred. “I—I wanted to—” Another hiccup, and Buck seemed to lose his train of thought.

“What?” Eddie frowned. He bumped his shoulder against Buck's to get his attention. "What did you want, Buck?" 

Buck shook his head, then turned back to meet Eddie’s eyes, mouth curled in a frown. “I wanted to come with you.”

Eddie’s shoulders straightened, unconsciously, as he felt his expression go slack. Oh. “You… would’ve done that?”

“I would do anything,” Buck said with drunken conviction, a slip of anger creeping through the words. “I was—I was this close—” Buck held a shaky hand up, fumbling as he held his thumb and forefinger so close together they almost touched. Then did touch, as Buck’s hand wouldn’t quite do what he wanted it to. “—to begging. I hated that you left me alone. I would’ve given up everything. My job. My life here. My loft—I did give up my loft. And I moved in here, and lived here, which ap—apparen--ren’ly I don’t anymore.”

“Buck, calm down.” Eddie put a hand on Buck’s knee as Buck’s words got filled with more and more conviction, breathing uneven. Buck settled with the touch, shoulders knocking against the wall as he slumped backward.

A silence settled over them, Buck letting out a hiccup every now and then. Eddie tilted his head to regard Buck’s profile, his eyes closed and his mouth open as he took even, deep breaths, a large smear of pink glitter swiped over his left cheekbone. There was a small, slightly smudged pink-purple-blue flag stamped onto his temple, right next to his birthmark. There was also a smear of crimson lipstick underneath his ear, and a more distinct kiss imprint on the hollow of his neck. Eddie viciously tamped down the flicker of jealously that threatened to ignite in his chest. Buck was, and never would be, his. He’d made peace with that a long time ago, even before he'd made peace with that side of himself.

“Buck,” Eddie asked, half-convinced Buck had fallen asleep against him.

To his surprise, Buck opened his eyes, turning his head to look at Eddie. “Mhm?”

Eddie tried not to sound uninviting, still scared Buck would tip over into sobbing drunk if his words came out too roughly, when he asked, “What are you doing here?”

Buck’s groan came from a very sincere place. He knocked the crown of his head against the wall, exposing the jut of his Adam’s apple and the sparkly line of his throat, as well as another smear of lipstick. “Forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“That I—moved out.”

“Oh.” Eddie looked back forward, feeling Buck’s weight gradually increase against his side as he leaned against him.

“Went—drinking,” Buck slurred. “With… Ravi.”

Eddie’s eyebrows lifted by their own accord. “Oh.”

“Wanted to find—find someone to—” Hiccup. “—hook up with.”

Eddie’s heart stopped. His chest hurt. The tangle of jealousy was trying its hardest to dig its hooks into Eddie’s chest. “O—kay.”

“It was a—a gay club.” Buck grinned when Eddie’s head swung to him, eyes wide. “For pride month,” Buck reminded, smiling even wider.

“R—right.” Eddie swallowed. He was an… ally. A great ally. Always supportive of Buck and Hen and Ravi and all their other queer friends.

Oh, fuck it, he was much more than a fucking ally. Especially when Buck was staring at him like that.

“Needed to—clear my head,” Buck continued, words still tilted with drunkenness, even if it looked like his expression was slightly sobering. “Last person I—I— Ravi’s fault. All his fault.”

“You’re not making much sense, Buck,” Eddie grumbled underneath his breath, trying to tamp down the irrational irritation. His jealousy was not Buck’s fault, and it would just be unfair of Eddie to take it out on him.

“Ravi’s fault I hooked up with him,” Buck mumbled, before his head suddenly cocked in Eddie’s direction. “No. No, it was your fault.”

Eddie squared his shoulders. A little hard to do, since Buck was heavily leaning on one. “What?”

“You left, and I was so sad, and then he showed up, and I just—just—needed someone.” Buck’s lip curled in disgust. “Ugh. The sex wasn’t even good.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Buck?”

Buck snarled in distaste. “Tommy.”

“You—” Eddie’s mind backtracked through Buck’s nonsensical slurring, the bits and pieces he’d said that suddenly made sense when Eddie got that extra, horrifying bit of context. His entire chest was alight with agony and jealousy. Nausea tilted his stomach. Fuck this. He let his anger spring free, not entirely in control of the sudden lash of it. “You fucked Tommy?”

Buck’s eyes were strangely curious, biting at his bottom lip drunkenly as he nodded. “Mhm-hm.”

“While I was gone…” Eddie slowly pieced together. “So… in my house?”

Buck nodded again.

“In my bed?!”

Buck’s face twisted, almost looking guilty. “At—at the time, it was mine,” Buck hiccupped out, surprisingly matching Eddie’s anger. “And if you’d—been here—”

Eddie’s back shivered with the sudden influx of cold air as he got up, abruptly needing space so he didn’t do anything impulsive and reckless that close to Buck. “You… you let Tommy fuck you on the same mattress I’m supposed to be sleeping on?!”

“Well, te—technically—” Buck started, but Eddie cut him off.

“And then you went out, with Ravi, looking for another hookup? To, what, get over the ex you fucked in my house? After you've been ignoring me all week? After you couldn’t even look at me at my welcome back party? What was it, Buck? Guilt? Disgust? You couldn’t get over your own actions of bringing your horrible, racist ex-boyfriend back to the house I used to live in with my son, and let him fuck you on the mattress I used to sleep on?”

Buck got up, clawing at the wall for stability, legs shaky. His entire face was tilted into a sneer. “I didn’t let Tommy fuck me. I had him down on his knees while I closed my eyes and thought about you.”

Eddie’s entire body stilled. His lungs halted. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. “You—what?”

“I—” Buck’s face fell, his breath coming faster. “No. No, fuck, fuck—I shouldn’t have—I wasn’t supposed to—Eddie, please—just—”

Eddie was so sure he’d heard wrong. There was not one single possibility Buck actually meant that—that— “What did you say?” Eddie said, words slow and careful.

Buck’s face was drawn with regret, eyes wide. “You… I wasn’t supposed to say it. It ca—came out wrong. Eddie, just—please. For—forget it. I—I need to get ‘ome.”

Buck shouldered past Eddie, unstable on his feet and walking in rounded paths down the hallway, barely able to stay on his legs.

“Where are you going?” Eddie called after him.

Buck reached out a hand to the nearest wall to steady himself, but didn’t turn around as he said, “Apartment.”

“And how are you planning on getting there?” Eddie asked, unable to completely stow his pettiness. “You said you lost your phone.”

That got Buck to turn around, face in a bitchy sneer. “I’ll figure something out.”

Eddie took a step in Buck’s direction, frowning. “How did you even get here in the first place? Your Jeep’s not out front, and you’d never drive drunk, anyway.”

Buck looked a little smug as he slurred out, “Bonnie.”

Eddie’s frown deepened. “Bonnie?” His eye caught again on the lipstick smears underneath Buck’s ear and jaw. “Wait, you mean your latest hook-up dropped you here?”

“We didn’t hook up,” Buck spat.

“Oh, right, sorry. It’s just the lipstick and the shirtlessness were kind of leading me to that assumption,” Eddie threw back, still illogically jealous. Buck was not his.

Buck stumbled to close the distance between them, stopping less than an arm’s length from Eddie. “Why are you so obsessed with who I sleep with, Eddie?”

“I’m not obsessed,” Eddie snarled. “I’d just like to know when I’m the one you’re imaging while you’re fucking someone else. I think I at least have the right to know when my best friend’s fantasizing about me.” Eddie stepped even closer, tasting the alcohol from Buck’s breath as he crowded him. “Were you going to think about me when you fucked her? Bonnie, or whoever she is? Huh, Buck?”

“Stop it,” Buck growled. “You have no idea what I fantasize about.”

“So I did hear wrong, before?”

“No.” Buck pointed a finger right into Eddie’s chest, a small dot of pain against his breastbone. “No, you heard exactly right. Because you know what, Eddie? I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. I can’t stop fucking talking about you! You are—you—” Buck let out a frustrated noise when his words wouldn’t come out right.  

Eddie’s anger melted, leaving him… exhausted. “I’m what, Buck? Just say whatever you want to say, so I can know where we stand, because apparently I have no idea what’s going on between us.”

“It’s all your fault,” Buck said, also sounding drained.

“Stop throwing the fact that I went to Texas in my face,” Eddie warned.

“No, not that,” Buck said, leaning in, face scrunched up. “It’s all your fucking fault that I’m in love with you.”

Eddie stilled. Buck was so close, and so drunk, and apparently in love with him.

“Eddie?” Buck looked up, into his eyes. “You’re—you’re not breathing.”

A small sound came from Eddie’s lips while his lungs screamed for air. Buck’s in love with him?

That’s not possible.

“Eddie. Eddie.” Buck’s hand was on his shoulder, shaking him, grip uncoordinated but just as strong as he’d usually be sober. “Eddie, breathe.”

Eddie took in a big, painful gulp of air. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. In love. With him.

“I’m—I’m gonna go,” Buck mumbled when Eddie finally got enough air into his lungs to breath properly again, even if it was in gasps. What the fuck?

“No!” Eddie almost yelled as Buck started to retreat, grabbing his hand so he couldn’t go anywhere. They were both full of glitter, by this point, and full of the smell of booze and sticky, but Eddie couldn't care less. His grip tightened around Buck’s wrist as Buck’s eyes widened.

“Is it true?” Eddie croaked out. "Are... are you..." 

“Look, Eddie, I—I said too much, I—I’m gonna hate myself in the morning, and—and—and you are, too, and—” Buck looked like he was going to cry. “Just—forget it—please.”

“Forget it?” Eddie felt himself gawk. “How could I… ever forget something like that?”

Buck turned his expression into something defensive, but his eyes were still glossy with unshed tears. “If you’re gonna—yell at me, or whatever, can you please do it when I’m sober and I can—can explain.”

“I’m in love with you, too,” Eddie burst out, unable to hold it in any longer. “Buck I—”

Buck crashed into him, completely sloppy and uncoordinated as his lips met Eddie’s cheek. His hands were all over Eddie, trying to grasp onto him, his entire, bare front a furnace of warmth against Eddie’s thin t-shirt. Buck’s lips met his jaw, his ear, before Buck pulled away, irises almost completely swallowed up by his pupils, and aimed for Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie shoved Buck off of him, and Buck made a small whine, and scrambled away, almost stumbling and connecting with the floor. “Sorry. Fuck, shit, sorry—I—you said—”

“Not when you’re drunk,” Eddie gasped out, his heart beating a mile a minute. He could still feel the rasp of Buck’s stubble against his chin. Shivers raced up and down Eddie’s skin, every nerve electrified. “We’re—we’re not doing this when you’re not—”

A whine came from Buck, sounding disappointed. “I—I know what I’m doing. I know what I—I want. What I want more than anything. Please, Eddie.”

Eddie’s knees almost went out from underneath him. “Fuck.”

Buck, apparently taking this as consent, fell forward again, but Eddie grabbed his bare, glitter-painted shoulders and wrangled him an arm’s length away. He kept Buck in his grip, and Buck went willingly as Eddie led them toward the living room, tipping Buck onto the couch.

“Just—sleep here for the night, alright?” Eddie said, still out of breath and mind spinning out of control. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Buck stumbled as he tried to sit down, falling headfirst onto Eddie’s pillow. He frowned, lifting his face to stare down at it. “Were—were you sleeping ‘ere?”

Eddie felt a little sheepish as he said, “Uh, yeah.”

Buck looked up at him, squinting adorably. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” Eddie shrugged, grabbing his blanket where it had fallen to the floor and throwing it over Buck. “My room felt… empty.”

“Needed me,” Buck said, grinning with his eyes closed as he tried to fit all six-foot of himself on Eddie’s couch, his shoulders just a little too wide to fit comfortably.

Eddie watched Buck’s face as it went slack in the span of barely a few minutes, breathing evening out underneath Eddie’s gaze, a light snore coming from him. “Yeah,” Eddie whispered. “I guess it did.”

He left sleeping Buck on the couch to go grab a glass of water and some painkillers from the kitchen, leaving them on the living room table for Buck whenever he woke up. Couch occupied for the night, Eddie set off towards his bedroom, resigning himself to sleep in the cold, lonely bed he hasn’t slept in since he came back.

Strangely, it wasn’t as bad as previous nights. Even though Eddie didn’t sleep a wink, he didn't feel as unsettled as he had the entire previous week. It almost felt like something had slotted into place, with Buck's drunk snores echoing down the hallway and into his bedroom. 

Chapter Text

The next morning, Eddie was up before seven. It was Sunday, meaning both he and Buck had a shift later that afternoon, but they could technically sleep in. Since Eddie came back and Bobby restored his position in the 118, Buck’s completely ignored him on calls, and just in general. Buck never texted him about whatever articles he was reading on Wikipedia anymore, or whatever animals he saw on his drive home, or even replied to the texts Eddie sent first. Buck had been completely ignoring him all week, and now Eddie knew why.

Buck was, apparently, in love with him. At least, drunk Buck had been, or just said as much, but Eddie still couldn’t really believe it. Maybe Buck had just missed Eddie, and confused his own feelings. Or he still wasn’t over Tommy, and just needed the nearest emotional rebound he could think of.

The thought of Tommy made Eddie shiver and immediately get out of bed, seething at the mattress. He was going to have to burn it. Maybe even burn down the whole house. And he needed a shower, ASAP.

Eddie checked on Buck, still fast-asleep and snoring louder than last night, before he went to shower. He towel-dried his wet hair when he got out, putting on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, before he snuck back out into the hallway, strangely nervous. Buck’s limbs were still limp on the couch, face slack in sleep, and Eddie tiptoed past him to the kitchen.

He had no idea what to expect when Buck woke up. Was Buck going to be angry? Tell Eddie to forget the whole thing? That it was all just a drunk lie?

Eddie busied himself with cracking a few eggs into a pan and putting bread into the toaster. He rummaged around the freezer for some bacon, turning up with a small pack that would be just enough for the two of them.

Adding a large enough blob of butter to the scrambled eggs to hopefully settle Buck’s stomach when he eventually woke up with, what would no-doubt be, a killer hangover. He shoveled the eggs onto their separate plates, throwing the bacon into the pan and throwing the toast next to the eggs.

Right as Eddie was buttering the steaming pieces of toast, a groan came from the living room, along with a creak from the couch. There was a few seconds of silence, before a meek, embarrassed voice called out, “Eddie?”

“Kitchen!” Eddie called back, feeling the tips of his ears heat from nervousness. Fuck.

Buck shuffled his feet as he walked into the kitchen, immediately sitting down at the table with his head between his hands, still completely covered in glitter and shirtless. He’d draped Eddie’s blanket around his shoulders, which was helping a little for Eddie to focus on anything except shirtless Buck. Eddie filled another glass with water, setting it down at Buck’s elbow, before going back to the bacon.

Buck groaned again, and Eddie could hear him pick up the glass with water. His voice was gravelly when he said, “Thanks.”

“You get the ibuprofen?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. Thank you.” Buck’s head went back between his hands.

Eddie turned off the stove, throwing the bacon over to their plates, giving Buck the thickest, fattiest pieces. Buck always believed in a good, greasy breakfast for a hangover cure, while Eddie usually couldn’t stomach anything the morning after drinking too much.

Eddie stuck the plate underneath Buck’s nose, and Buck’s head popped up, mouth just barely curling into a smile. “You’re my hero. Thanks, Eds.”

“No problem.” Eddie ducked his head, sitting across from Buck with his own plate, handing Buck a fork. Their fingers brushed, just barely, and a shiver traveled down Eddie’s arm.

Buck immediately dug in, groaning around a mouthful of bacon and egg, licking grease from his thumb. Eddie’s eyes tracked the movement, feeling his cheeks pinken as he forced himself to look away. He ate a piece of his toast, shoving his bacon over to Buck’s plate when Buck polished off his own, not really hungry himself. He needed to know.

Buck took their plates when they were both empty, neither of them having said anything during the entirety of breakfast. Buck was being unusually quiet, and Eddie felt like he might vibrate out of his own skin with the tension.

“Buck,” Eddie finally blurted out, and Buck’s shoulders hitched as he put their plates in the dishwasher.

Buck slowly got upright, closing the dishwasher, and turned around. He was trying to look unassuming, and failing. “Yeah?”

“How much do you remember from last night?”

Buck groaned, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter, just out of reach. “Not—not much. Man, I am so sorry, I got completely shitfaced, and I don’t even know why I came over here—”

Eddie let out a small laugh at the look on Buck’s face. “You said you forgot you didn’t live here, anymore,” Eddie said with a grin.

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Eddie’s grin faded. “Wait, so you really don’t remember?”

Buck shook his head, but something was still off about him. “Not—not everything. I mean, I remember going out with Ravi. And we went to a club, pride month, y’know. Out and proud, even got the bi flag stamped all over me. And someone had dared me to take a bunch of shots, and then a bunch of us went to 7-Eleven and got Slurpee’s, and then I think there was—” Buck’s cheeks pinked. “Never mind.”

Eddie’s eyebrows raised. “Bonnie?”

Biting at his lip as if embarrassed, Buck nodded. “Shit, I told you about her?”

“You told me a lot of things,” Eddie said, slowly, hoping he could get Buck to say it again. He needed to hear it.

“Fuck. Like what?”

“That you guys… didn’t hook up,” Eddie said, shrugging. “Apparently.”

“Ugh.” Buck slumped back against the counter. “Yeah. We didn’t. I didn’t—didn’t tell you why, did I?”

“I mean… sort of,” Eddie admitted, feeling his entire face flame.

“Oh no,” Buck said, but he didn’t look as terrified as he had last night. He just looked… embarrassed. “That is… mortifying.”

Eddie frowned. “What? Why?”

Buck made his eyes wide. “Because who the hell cries while trying to hook up with someone?”

Eddie couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him. “What?”

Buck straightened, barely holding in his own laughter while also looking horrified. “So, I hadn’t told you about that. What the hell, man.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Eddie said in response to his laughter, letting it die down. Buck was grinning a little, so it was obviously fine. “No, sorry, I thought you were talking about something else. You cried?”

Buck nodded, dejected, lips pursed in distaste. “Right as she took off my shirt. It was so awkward she called me an Uber and left.” Buck frowned. “Wait, what did you think I was talking about?”

“You… you said…” Eddie couldn’t say it. In the morning light, both of them sober and wide awake, it seemed absolutely ridiculous. There was no way Buck was in love with him. Eddie must’ve dreamed the whole conversation. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“No,” Buck pressed, standing closer. “What is it?”

Eddie got up from his seat, wiping the crumbs off the table. “It’s really nothing, Buck.”

“C’mon, what did I say? I need to know if I need to apologize.”

“You were drunk,” Eddie says, shrugging and spreading his hands. “I probably heard wrong. Or—whatever. It’s nothing.”

Buck stepped a little too close, crowding Eddie like the night before. Buck opened his mouth to say something, but as Eddie looked up into Buck’s eyes, exactly mirrored in the position from the night before, right before Buck had drunkenly tried to kiss him, Eddie could see the recognition seep into Buck’s eyes. They flared wide, the blue illuminated in the morning sunlight as Buck’s lips formed a gasp.

Eddie couldn’t handle it anymore. He closed the last space between them, hands on Buck’s shoulders as he pulled him in and slotted their lips together. It took just a second for Eddie’s panic to flare up. He was about to pull away, when Buck’s hands came up to his shoulder blades and pulled him closer. Buck tilted his head, deepening the kiss as their noses got out of the way, and followed obediently as Eddie walked him backwards against the counter.

One of Buck’s hands slipped around to rest on Eddie’s jaw, thumb rubbing over his cheekbone, and his hands were big and warm. The kiss transformed into something heavier, then, Eddie opening his mouth as Buck licked at his bottom lip, and Buck still tasted like alcohol.

“It was true,” Eddie panted against Buck’s throat when they broke apart for air, leaving another kiss there. “You’re in love with me.”

Eddie could feel the vibration against his lips when Buck hummed. “Completely. Head over heels. Insane with it.”

“Good,” Eddie grumbled, opening his lips so his teeth could scrape against the thin skin over Buck’s pulse, before tasting it, sucking, leaving a mark. “Because so am I.”

Buck let out a loud groan, pulling Eddie back by the hair before diving back in, licking at Eddie’s bottom lip. They tried to devour each other against the kitchen counter, hands exploring. Eddie found Buck’s thighs, heavy and firm with muscle, and gave him a little shove to get onto the countertop. Buck followed, not unlatching from where he was leaving a stinging hickey on Eddie’s collarbone. “Fuck,” Buck breathed out, when Eddie had him settled and stroked the tops of his thighs.

“Great idea,” Eddie murmured, diving back in with a hand at the back of Buck’s head, running his fingers through his hair. Buck shivered deliciously underneath Eddie’s hands, and one of Buck’s hands were carving a slow path down Eddie’s front, underneath his shirt, rubbing over a nipple. Eddie broke the kiss with a gasp, Buck’s tongue exploring his canines. Buck drew a sharp nail right over the nub, and it sent a jolt through Eddie’s chest.

“Mhm,” Buck hummed, smiling against Eddie’s mouth. “Sensitive?”

Eddie couldn’t reply, so he leaned in again, and Buck’s hand continued down, through the thin hair on Eddie’s stomach. His nails made little sparks as they went. Eventually, he reached the waistband of Eddie’s sweatpants, and halted. They both drew away again for breath, and Eddie looked down where Buck’s fingers were just clinging onto his waistband, not going any further.

When he looked up, Buck’s pupils were completely blown, lips split-slick and parted around a pant, but his expression was genuine and open. “Are you sure?” he asked, voice gravel.

Eddie swallowed, looking down at where his hands were still on top of Buck’s upper thighs, the jeans underneath his fingers full of glitter and the zipper straining from Buck’s erection. Eddie’s hands have never been this close to another guy’s dick. Just thinking about it made him surprisingly giddy, and he knew Buck could see the way his sweatpants were tented.

“Yes,” Eddie gasped out, bowing forward so he could bite at Buck’s lip, sucking it into his mouth and licking a hot stripe over it, before kissing him properly. “Touch me.”

Instead of diving underneath, Buck’s hand slowly traveled down, on top of the fabric, rubbing at Eddie’s erection through the thin, grey sweatpants. Eddie let out a groan into Buck’s mouth. Buck’s fingers curled, pressing the shape into the fabric, and giving two shallow pumps. Eddie bucked his hips, his own hands moving to unhook the button of Buck’s dark jeans. He broke away from the kiss again, Buck’s spit cooling on his lips, as he looked down to where Buck’s dick was straining against his underwear.

“You can—touch,” Buck said, his fingers not touching Eddie anymore, back at his waistband and starting to creep underneath. “If you want.”

“I want,” Eddie panted. Buck shimmied his hips as Eddie pushed his jeans down, until they got Buck’s bare ass on the countertop with his jeans around his knees. Buck’s bare cock sprung up, slapping against his stomach. Eddie’s mouth inexplicably watered. It was… big.

He wrapped his hand around it at the same time Buck shoved his fingers into Eddie’s boxers and got his grip around his cock. They let out simultaneous groans of pleasure. Buck was hot and pulsing underneath his hand, a bead of clear precum leaking from the head. Eddie tried an experimental pump, gratified when Buck’s hips lifted just so barely off of the counter in an excited thrust. Buck was not really pumping Eddie’s cock as much as he was just… holding it. Eddie didn’t really mind, engrossed in the sounds Buck was making as Eddie drew his thumb over the head of his cock. The fluid covered the pad of Eddie’s thumb, more leaking out from the slit.

“Are you… clean?” Eddie asked.

Buck was dazed when he looked away from where Eddie was playing with him, taking a second to register what Eddie had asked. “Uh—yeah. Yeah, I got—got tested after Tommy. Haven’t—haven’t been with anyone since.”

“Good,” Eddie said, because his curiosity was overwhelming him. He drew his thumb over the head again, collecting more of the shining, dripping precome, before he lifted his hand and licked his thumb clean. It tasted salty, not extremely distinct or strong. But it was Buck’s. And he’d caused it.

Buck’s dick gave another dribble of precome as Eddie popped his entire thumb into his mouth, followed by a hearty, groaned, “Fuck. You’re gonna kill me, Eddie.”

“Not until I get to taste every inch of you.”

Buck gave another groan, and Eddie got his hand back around him, stroking. Buck seemed to remember his own hand, because it started moving again on Eddie’s dick. He shoved Eddie’s boxers down, exposing Eddie to the brisk kitchen air, before putting effort into his strokes, twisting as he got to the crown. Eddie moaned at the sensation, trying to kiss Buck again but failing as his concentration got completely shot to hell.

“Buck,” Eddie moaned, licking at Buck’s bottom lip.

“Oh, fuck, Eddie.”

Buck’s hand changed pace, going faster and faster, before suddenly slowing down and focusing on the head. He drew his thumb over the crown, before he put the edge of his fingernail right at the slit, where Eddie was leaking profusely. Eddie bucked his lips at the sudden sharp spike of sensation, letting out a loud moan. “You like that?” Buck asked, grinning against his mouth. All Eddie could do was keen.

Buck went back to stroking him, pinching his grip around the base just as Eddie was getting close, before completely leaving off to fondle at Eddie’s balls, and then stroking him again. He ran his nail over the sensitive, purpling head of Eddie’s cock again, and Eddie nearly lost it. He crowded Buck against the countertop, needing to get closer. He was nearly rutting between Buck’s thighs, Buck’s hand on him, his own still on Buck. They were both so wet, and Buck moved forward, until he was right on the edge of the counter, and their dicks were close enough to touch.

“Are you—are you clean?” Buck asked, echoing Eddie’s earlier question. Eddie nodded fervently, and Buck growled out, “Thank fuck.”

Buck lifted his legs, drawing up and clamping them around Eddie’s hips, slotting their dicks right next to each other. Eddie was instantly so fucking close from the feeling of Buck’s hot, hard cock rubbing right up against his. Buck closed one of his hands around them both, not able to reach all the way around. Eddie helped him out, using the last of his brainpower to wrap his fingers around them and stroke in time with Buck.

“I’m—I’m going to—” Eddie panted out.

“Fuck. Yes, fuck, do it. Eddie, Eddie, c’mon, yes.” They were barely still kissing, mouths pressed together and sloppy as they panted together, grunting, moaning.

Eddie fell over the edge right as Buck’s hand wrapped around the top of his cock, his nail just so barely pressing into the slit, and his knees nearly gave in as he came with Buck’s name on his tongue and his breath in his lungs.

“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck gasped out as he followed suit, both of their cocks spurting together. Buck’s legs locked around Eddie, the only thing keeping him upright as he slumped forward. Buck’s breath was coming hot on Eddie’s jaw, a shiver mounting down his spine.

They came down together, come drying between their legs and bellies. Eddie tried to suppress a wince as he leaned back, feeling the tacky feeling of come and sweat as their skin separated. Buck drew back too, looking down at their spent cocks and hands, covered in come.

“Sorry,” Buck said, slightly sheepish. “That’s always the gross part.”

Eddie frowned, looking up into Buck’s eyes, and then back down. His hand was still on Buck’s thigh, and he moved it through the streaks of come on Buck’s legs and stomach, before slowly bringing it to his lips to taste. Salty, warm, not particularly horrible but also not really good, but it was Buck’s. He wanted it everywhere. All the time.

Buck’s cock gave another twitch, another small dribble of come leaking from the head, and Eddie grinned when he looked up at him, the tip of his thumb still in his mouth.

“You,” Buck said, as if that was a complete sentence.

“You need a shower,” Eddie said, drawing his hand up, across Buck’s breastbone, feeling the stickiness and the grit of the glitter that still covered every inch of his skin. Eddie could feel glitter on his tongue.

Buck grinned, ducking his head to look up at Eddie through his lashes. He cocked one eyebrow, eyes flicking down to Eddie's come-streaked crotch, then up again. “So do you. Wanna take one together?”

Eddie groaned and leaned back forward, not minding the mess, as his mouth found Buck’s again.

It was going to be a long day.

Chapter Text

Sudsy. Hot and wet. 

They'd mostly gotten the glitter off of Buck, even though Eddie was very surprised by just how much and where the extent of the glitter had gotten. Eddie's fingers scraped through the wet curls of Buck's hair, darker from the water, nails scritching his scalp. Buck returned the favor, giving Eddie a foamy shampoo mohawk – “Real romantic, Buck." – before drawing stripes against his scalp, sending shivers through every nerve in Eddie's body. 

Being two men in their thirties, there was surprisingly little funny business in the shower. Eddie was only half-erect again by the time they got out, and Buck gave him a cursory pat-down with the towel, before dropping to his knees on the bathmat in front of the sink. 

"I—” Eddie broke off, panting, as Buck licked a hot line down the hair above Eddie’s navel. Buck’s tongue swirled, dipping into his belly button, before continuing down. “Buck. I just came—half an hour ago. I’m not tw—” Buck nipped at Eddie’s hipbone, the stroke of skin blanching before turning a soft pink. “—twenty anymore.”

“Fine by me,” Buck grinned, teeth scraping over Eddie’s thigh, before he sunk down onto Eddie’s cock. The fact that Eddie was only half hard meant that Buck could take the entirety without choking, and Eddie felt his blood rushing downward and throbbing on Buck’s tongue.

Buck pulled off again, licking down to Eddie’s balls, then sucking around his inner thighs. Eddie clenched his hand on the sink behind him, fingers curling around the cool porcelain. Buck licked, then sucked, then nipped at the stinging spots he left behind.

“Fuck!” Eddie’s head hit the cold mirror as Buck took him back into his hot, wet mouth, tongue swirling his crown, the tip of it dipping into the slit before he moved back down. Buck tilted his head, and when Eddie looked down at him, he was bulging against the side of Buck’s cheek. Eddie released one hand from the sink, reaching down to cup Buck’s jaw, his thumb feeling the shape of him through the thin skin.

Buck moaned, so loud and wanton the sound vibrated and shot up Eddie cock. Eddie felt himself pulse again, growing a little more on Buck’s tongue. He felt his crown bump against the back of Buck’s palette, causing Buck to choke.

Buck pulled off, a line of spit connecting his lip to Eddie’s cock. “Fuck, Eddie. You’re—you’re—”

“Ditto,” Eddie agreed, gazing down, his heart six sizes too big for his chest. Buck was looking up through his lashes, lips a puffy red, eyes watering and bright blue. Eddie drew a hand through Buck’s hair, just so gently pulling, and Buck let out another wanton moan.

“Bedroom,” Buck panted, voice pure gravel.

Eddie immediately nodded, drawing his thumb over Buck’s spit-slick bottom lip, and Buck stuck out his pink tongue to chase it. “Do—do we have time?”

Buck frowned, before he sunk down on his heels. “Shit. We have a shift today.”

“At two.”

Buck let out a hearty groan, turning into a moan when Eddie gently pulled his hair again. Buck fell forward again, mouth open and aiming for Eddie’s cock, but Eddie stopped him with his hand against his scalp.

“What time is it?” Eddie asked, letting Buck go when Buck started leaving hickeys all over his thighs, again.

“Don’t know,” Buck mumbled, lips and tongue mostly occupied with biting at Eddie’s skin. “Let’s just—tell Bobby—we’re sick.”

Eddie laughed, but it quickly turned into a moan. “Both of us?”

Buck nipped at Eddie’s inner thigh one last time, before he dropped his temple to rest on Eddie’s hip. “We’re together all the time, anyway. Nobody’ll find it suspicious.”

“That’s kind of true,” Eddie conceded, tapping Buck’s shoulder and holding out a hand for him when he looked up. Buck took his hand, standing back on his feet so they were face-to-face. “We’ve been dating for a while, now, haven’t we?”

“Married, basically,” Buck agreed. Eddie’s stomach gave a small growl, right next to Buck’s ear. Buck grinned. “We should probably eat something, too. Before our shift.”

“In a minute.” Eddie turned Buck around, shoving him up against the sink so he could get his tongue back into Buck’s mouth.

Buck dragged Eddie out of the bathroom with the towel around the nape of his neck, diverting them to Eddie’s bedroom. Eddie caught the time on his phone, realising it was just past eleven.

“We have an hour,” he told Buck, licking a stripe up his throat, “before we need to get ready for shift.”

“We might need—” A gasp, as Eddie scraped his teeth over his Adam’s apple. “—another shower.”

“No,” Eddie grumbled. “What you get dirty—” Eddie gave a performative lick with the broad of his tongue to accentuate his point. “—you clean up.”

Buck groaned, ducking his head to get his mouth back on Eddie’s. The kiss turned dirty instantaneously, both of them trying to get as close as possible, to get underneath each other’s skin, to live inside the other.

“Fuck,” Buck panted, biting at Eddie’s lip so hard Eddie could taste metal, white-hot sparks flying up to his brain.

“Good idea.” Eddie moved down, tongue at Buck’s clavicle. “But too little—” His lips latched, sucking a deep, purpling hickey. “—time.”

“We have an hour,” Buck groaned, baring his neck as Eddie pushed him up against the wardrobe.

Eddie continued over to Buck’s shoulder, teeth testing the thick, firm cords of muscle there. “I said—” He bit down, leaving a perfect row of teeth marks. “—there’s not enough—” Another teeth-print, right next to it. “—time.”

“Fuck, you’re like a vampire,” Buck moaned, but laid no further protest as Eddie moved to his bicep, then buried his nose in his armpit, inhaling the clean, heavy scent of Buck. Eddie kind of, depravedly, wished they hadn’t showered earlier so the scent would be deeper, richer, all-encompassing.

Buck fought to change their position, but Eddie kept him shoved up against the dark wood of the wardrobe, grabbing his wrists and pinning them up above his head, exposing the entire length of Buck’s firm, hot skin and bulk. The groan Buck let out rumbled through his entire body. Buck’s lower belly rippled as he bucked against Eddie, silvery, light pink stretch marks on the skin, and Eddie’s mouth watered to get a taste of the soft flesh. Buck was perfect.

“Bed,” Buck groaned. “Right now.”

“You don’t make the demands,” Eddie murmured, right up against his ear as he licked a stripe up behind it. Buck keened, bucking up against Eddie’s hip.

“Fuck, how did I—” Buck moaned as Eddie’s lips found a nipple. Eddie let go of Buck’s wrists, ghosting his hand over Buck’s already completely hard dick, just so barely giving him what he wanted. “How did I not know you like—oh, fuck— to be bossy in the bedroom.”

Eddie grinned up at Buck, taking his cock fully in hand, and giving him one long, solid stroke. “Well, somehow I already knew that you love taking orders, don’t you?” Buck made a sound like a whine as Eddie let go of his dick again, completely separating the two of them, not even their mouths touching anymore. Buck’s eyes were shining and wanton when he looked at Eddie. Eddie cocked his chin, feeling shivers light up his back underneath Buck’s gaze. “Get on the bed, Buck.”

Buck almost fell over his own feet to comply, springing onto the sheets Eddie had slept in just a few hours ago. Eddie’s bed was made, a leftover vestige from his army days, and Buck sent them into disarray as he settled atop them, perched up on his elbows, watching Eddie intently.

“Good boy,” Eddie said, not thinking, and Buck’s mouth fell open with a moan.

“Fuck. Eddie, please just get the fuck over here before I explode.”

Eddie couldn’t help the grin as he closed the space between them, settling a knee on the bed between Buck’s legs, just-not-quite straddling him. He settled his arms next to Buck’s ears, leaning forward so his upper thigh was right against Buck’s crotch. Buck immediately bucked, getting the friction he was practically begging for. “You’re so dramatic,” Eddie told him, coming out breathy as his cock slotted next to Buck’s hipbone and gave a delicious spark of sensation.

“And you’re full of surprises,” Buck retorted, very cocky for a man who was literally humping Eddie’s leg.

“Keep running your mouth and you’re not getting anything more,” Eddie said, lifting his knee just too far for Buck to be able to rub against it. Buck moaned, complaint and desire wrapped all in one.

Shutting his mouth, Eddie allowed Buck to grind against his leg again, both of them moaning from the friction.

“More,” Buck begged. “Please, Eddie, more.”

“How could I deny you anything, when you ask so nicely,” Eddie agreed, giving Buck one last, filthy kiss, before moving away.

Buck lifted his head from where he’d sunk down into the sheets, looking up at the sudden absence of skin against skin. “Wh—” Eddie sunk down to his knees on the wooden floor in front of his bed, and Buck’s eyes went wide, blue shining. “Oh.”

Surprisingly, this was the first time Eddie felt any apprehension since this morning. He’s known he wanted Buck for so long; longer than he’s known he’s in love with him; longer than he’s known he could actually want men like this; longer than he’s wanted anything in his life, ever. He can’t fuck this up, now.

Buck sat up at the pause in action, the bed creaking as he shuffled forward, until he could bend down off the mattress to give Eddie a soft kiss. Eddie leaned up into it, opening his mouth so Buck could swipe his tongue over his teeth.

“You don’t have to,” Buck whispered, suddenly much softer than Eddie had expected. “We don’t have to do anything, Eddie.”

Eddie kissed Buck again, before shaking his head, sitting back on his heels. He looked up at Buck, letting the emotion bleed into his face. He was sure his cheeks and ears were hot-red. “I want to,” he said, squeezing Buck’s knee in reassurance. His mouth watered when he looked down at Buck’s cock, the head red with blood and resting against his belly. “I really want to.”

“Have you done this before?” Buck asked gently, resting his hand on top of Eddie’s, fingers interlocking as Eddie turned his palm around. “Ever?”

Slowly, Eddie shook his head, still staring down at Buck’s cock. It was… huge. Too big for something that was supposed to fit in his mouth, never mind other places.

“Okay, that’s okay,” Buck reassured. “You’ve gotten one, though, right?”

Eddie fought not to roll his eyes, letting out a breath that almost sounded like a chuckle. “Yes, Buck. I’ve gotten a blowjob before.”

“I was just checking!”

“You’re such a brat,” Eddie teased, leaning forward. His mouth found the soft skin of Buck’s inner knee, kissing, tongue moving up to the velvet, even hotter skin of Buck’s thighs. There were small, spiderweb stretch marks here, too, and it was probably the hottest thing Eddie’s ever seen or had beneath his tongue. Buck’s skin was already starting to lose the tang of soap, taking on the salty taste of sweat.

Buck kept himself perfectly still as Eddie explored, moving up, closer and closer to his crotch. Eddie nosed at the dark curls, smelling shower gel and Buck, and stuck out his tongue to get his first taste.

The skin was hot. It seemed like the entirety of Buck’s body heat was centered to this very nexus, flesh firm and unyielding. Eddie closed his lips around the base, feeling the smooth muscle and shifts of texture, inhaling Buck, Buck, Buck.

“Fuck,” Buck mumbled, hand reaching up as if on automatic to cradle the back of Eddie’s head, patting over his still-damp hair. Eddie pulled off, holding the base of Buck’s cock steady with one hand, before he hesitantly took the head into his mouth. A spurt of precome immediately leaked onto his tongue. Buck swore again, a breath punched from his chest, but he tapped at Eddie’s shoulder to pull off.

Buck’s dick popped out of his mouth, and Eddie looked up, inquisitive.

“Just—” Buck inhaled deeply, trying to catch his breath. His thumb rubbed at Eddie’s temple. “Do you—want a condom?”

“You said you’re clean, right?”

Buck nodded, biting at his bottom lip. His entire face was flushed, his lips bright red and his birthmark practically crimson. Eddie’s dick was so hard he could die. “Then we’re all good,” Eddie said, diving forward again with one hand on the base, tonguing just beneath the crown as he took the head between his lips.

Buck groaned, nails scratching at Eddie’s scalp as Eddie went a little deeper, taking more. There was another salty spurt on his tongue, and Eddie bobbed down, coming back up, going a little further with each downstroke of his mouth. His unoccupied hand reached down, stroking at his dick, needing stimulation more than he needed to breathe.

Buck was panting, now, small moans coming from his chest. “Fuck, fuck, you can—can you touch my—my—”

Eddie’s hand let go of the base, reaching down to roll Buck’s balls between his fingers, feeling the heft of them. He tried to take Buck deeper, just a little too deep, and choked. He pulled off, spluttering, face immediately hot with mortification.

“Shit—Eddie, are you okay?” Buck leaned forward, slick cock slapping against his stomach as he pulled his hand down to cradle Eddie’s cheek.

Eddie coughed one more time, trying to get out the spit that had gone down his airway. “Fine,” he said, breathless. Closing his mouth, he realized his jaw already ached a little.

“Take it easy,” Buck said around a grin. “I know you’re usually a hotshot that’s good at everything, but this isn’t one of those things. Everyone has a gag reflex. Don’t try to take too much at a time.”

Eddie sat forward, stretching his aching knees. “Scoot up,” he told Buck.

“What?”

Eddie got upright, shaking the pins and needles from his right leg, before shoving Buck back up the bed. “I said scoot up. Toward the headboard.”

Buck complied, settling with his shoulders against the wood of Eddie’s headboard. Eddie settled more comfortably with his stomach on the bed, between Buck’s spread knees, able to grind his weeping cock against the soft, fresh sheets. He took Buck back into his mouth, not taking him as deep again, but still refusing to give up on the point.

Buck immediately started cursing again, his hand at the back of Eddie skull. Eddie took his free hand and put it on top of Buck’s, urging him to set the pace. Eddie stopped bobbing his head, only moving when Buck’s hand pushed or guided him. Getting it, Buck slowly moved Eddie’s head down on his cock, but pulled his hair before he could go too far to choke again.

Satisfied, Eddie let go of Buck’s hand on his head and reached down, spreading his leg so he could fist himself. He was already right on the verge, so close he could cry.

“I’m—Eddie, I’m going to—” Buck panted out, voice strained and begging.

Eddie hummed, trying to nod with Buck’s dick in his mouth. Buck set the pace a little faster, but shallower. Eddie let go of his own dick again – surprisingly hard to focus on both things at once – and covered the rest of Buck’s cock that he couldn’t fit into his mouth with his hand.

Buck gave his hair a sharp, sudden pull, getting Eddie to pop off. “I’m—”

Eddie closed his eyes just in time, because Buck was coming. Hot streaks painted over the bridge of his nose, the pink-stained apples of his cheeks, his jaw and chin, and even a few splatters covered his lips.

“Eddie,” Buck keened out, one last stripe of come hitting just below Eddie’s eye. Eddie slowly opened his lashes, awe-struck at the sight of Buck looking properly strung-out. His eyes were closed, entire face and chest flushed and covered in a fine, shining sheen of sweat, his lips parted as he gasped in air.

Eddie swallowed when Buck opened his eyes, gaze hazy as it met his.

“Was that…” Eddie murmured, throat feeling used and jaw aching, “…good?”

Buck’s expression was cracked in half, the blue of his pupils sparkling. “That was—you are—” A small giggle escaped his chest. “Perfect.” Buck’s hand slowly loosened itself from Eddie’s hair, settling on his jaw. His thumb swept over the come on Eddie’s cheek. “Oh, fuck, I got you all—”

Eddie reached out the tip of his tongue, licking at the come on his bottom lip. Salty. Warm. Still not exactly great but not the worst thing he’s ever tasted.

Buck’s eyes were wide as he let out a moan. “Eddie, stop—you’re literally going to kill me.”

Eddie reached up his hand, swiping at the come on his top lip, before licking his fingers clean.

“Fuck, come here.” Buck pulled him up by his shoulders, Eddie’s very-much-still-hard cock dripping a wet line over his stomach, and slotted their mouths together. Buck immediately swiped the come from Eddie’s tongue with his own, before breaking the kiss to lick at Eddie’s cheeks, chin, nose. When they kissed again, it was all Eddie could taste.

“Shit, that’s—”

Buck grimaced as they broke apart for air. “Gross?”

“Unbelievably hot.” Eddie licked into Buck’s mouth again. His hips were grinding against Buck’s stomach by their own volition, beyond the voice of reason. He needed to come. More than he’s needed anything else in his life.

“On me,” Buck panted, snaking his hand between them so he could stroke Eddie’s cock. “Come on me. Please.”

It barely took ten strokes before Eddie was coming, all over Buck’s stomach and chest, making a complete mess of the both of them again. He slumped almost immediately after the last spurt of come, completely boneless.

Buck’s breath puffed out against his temple, both their bodies warm and slick with sweat. Eddie could hear Buck’s heartbeat, his ear against Buck’s breastbone, counting every thump-thump of it.

Buck gave a snort.

It was a monumental effort for Eddie to lift his head and frown up at Buck. “What?”

Buck had a dopy, stupidly adorable grin on his face. He craned his neck to lay a kiss on Eddie’s forehead, then gestured his chin downward. “We’re… so sticky. We’re definitely going to need another shower.”

Eddie groaned, flopping his head back down onto Buck’s chest, closing his eyes. “Later,” he mumbled. “Set an alarm.”

“For when?”

“Just—later.”

Chapter Text

“What’s wrong with you?”

Buck startled, nearly dropping the knife. The blade made a twack on the cutting board, a piece of mushroom sent flying. “Hen! What the hell!”

Hen lifted one eyebrow, her hands in her pockets as she watched the arch of the mushroom, before she looked back at Buck. “Exactly. You’ve been in-and-out of it the whole day. What’s going on?”

Buck went back to dicing the mushrooms, lifting his shoulders in an extremely nonchalant and not-at-all suspicious shrug. “Nothing.”

Hen pulled out one of the island chairs, settling right across from Buck to force him to face her I’m not buying into any of your bullshit expression. “Right.”

“Really! It’s—it’s—” Buck shook his head, turning his back to Hen so he could add the diced mushrooms to the minestrone on the stove. “It’s nothing.”

“But there is an… it.”

“Nope.” Buck levelled his facial expression as he turned around, shrugging much more believably this time. “Nothing.”

“Hey, Buck.”

Buck jumped two feet in the air, his cheeks and ears immediately flaming hot. He tried his best to act normal when he looked over to Eddie, coming up the stairs. He wanted to say hi. Found his tongue dry and unwilling, lips glued shut. So, instead, he lifted his hand and did an awkward little back-and-forth wave.

Eddie frowned at him – absolutely adorable nose-scrunch included – before averting his gaze to Hen. “Uh. Hey, Hen.”

Hen swiveled around in her chair, crooking her head towards Buck. “He’s acting normal, today.”

“Huh.” Eddie shrugged, mouth in an apathetic grimace. “I haven’t noticed anything. Buck’s just like that sometimes. Aren’t you, Buck?”

Buck’s face had to be six different shades of vermillion, ruby, crimson, strawberry, maroon and scarlet. He slowly let his waving hand drop like a deflating balloon. He wondered if he should take offense to what Eddie had said, but he was too distracted by hot Eddie had been while saying it.

“See,” Eddie said, pointing a finger at Buck, frozen and malfunctioning. In Buck’s defense, he wasn’t always like this, but turns out getting your soul sucked out through your dick by your best friend of seven years – who’s also the love of your life – can really knock a few screws loose. “He’s just like that.”

“Mhm-hm.” Hen didn’t sound very convinced. “Whatcha need, Eddie?”

“Right. Where’d you put the triage tags?”

Hen let out a long-suffering sigh. “Eddie. If I go down to that ambulance, and the tags are in the upper-right cabinet where they’ve always been, I’m strangling you.”

Eddie threw his hands in the air, dodging Hen in a wide circle as she got off her chair, heading for downstairs. “It’s not my fault! Chim did the ALS inventory last!”

“I’m strangling both of you!” Hen disappeared down the stairs, on her way to inevitably finding the triage tags in the exact spot they’re always kept in the ambulance. Eddie slid into the seat she’d vacated, now right across the island from a still-very-much-frozen Buck.

“So,” Eddie said, a grin tilting the edge of his words.

Buck blinked. His right arm got back into motion, and he grabbed the spoon from the side of the counter and stirred the soup on the stove. When he turned back to the island, Eddie’s eyes were still glued to him. He felt his breath stutter. “Uhm.”

“You good?” Eddie asked, words surprisingly gentle.

Buck gave a hesitant nod.

Eddie echoed it, façade cracking until he looked heartbreakingly unsure. “Look, if this was all some big mista—”

“No!” Buck yelled, then cringed when it echoed back to him. Hen’s no doubt going to grill him on what that was about later, since he’s sure the entire station heard him. He centered himself, making sure his voice came out at a normal volume when he spoke again. “No. Don’t even start to think that. Nothing of what we did was a mistake. At all. Ever.”

Eddie nodded again, seeming slightly mollified. “Okay. Then what’s going on?”

Buck gave a shrug, leaning back against the counter. “I... I don’t know. It’s just—it’s different.”

“Did you tell Hen?” Buck widened his eyes, and Eddie immediately added, “Which would be fine! You’re allowed to tell whoever you want, Buck.”

Buck busied himself with grabbing the knife and chopping board, rinsing them down in the sink. “No,” he said over his shoulder, keeping an eye out for any nearby ears. No one was up here except the two of them, for the time being. “I’ve been trying not to. It kind of—I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it, but it kind of feels like something we should make a decision on together, of when to start telling other people. And maybe… we should talk first. About what we’d even tell them.”

“Okay,” Eddie said. He bent his neck patiently, agreeing with Buck, his grin making a brief return. “I agree. Although, have you told Maddie?”

“I haven’t told anyone,” Buck said. Eddie’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “What? It’s been less than six hours!”

“I know,” Eddie placated, throwing out a hand in conceit. “It’s just… you tell your sister everything.”

“Not about my sex life,” Buck said in a shout-whisper.

“Well, obviously you wouldn’t tell her about… that. I just meant—this is kind of a big deal. No matter what happens, or what we decide from here on out, you have to admit… something’s changed, Buck.” Eddie’s brown eyes were wide and sincere. Buck wanted to kiss him right there and then. “I don’t know about you, but I’ll never be able to go back to just… what we were. Not now that I’ve seen and felt what more looks like. What it feels like. Maddie’s going to find out that something happened eventually, and I was just surprised you haven’t told her already, that’s all.”

Buck bit at his bottom lip, drying the chopping board and putting it back onto the kitchen island, right in front of Eddie. He met Eddie’s soft gaze. “I know. Yeah, I know. The only reason she doesn’t know already is just because I knew Chim would find out immediately. And then—”

“—everybody would know,” Eddie completed.

Buck gave a nod. “Exactly.”

“Okay. Good thinking.” Eddie bit at his bottom lip. Buck’s eyes automatically followed the movement, pinned there, watching the white of his teeth scrape over the pink. When he looked up again, Eddie was grinning at him. “We should… talk about this, shouldn’t we?”

Buck nodded, cheeks aflame. “Definitely.”

“But probably not in the middle of the station where all our friends can hear.”

“Not a chance,” Buck agreed. “Really not in the mood to have them all in the middle of my sex life—”

“What about your sex life?” Chim asked, causing both Buck and Eddie to almost vault themselves over the kitchen island.

“Fuck, Chim,” Buck cursed, staring daggers at Chimney. Eddie’s shoulders were up to his ears.

Chimney waltzed up to the counter, grabbing an apple from the basket in the corner. “What?” He shrugged, making a face. “You were talking about it in public. I’m a public citizen. If you didn’t want me to be nosy, go talk about it in your own homes. Now, spill.”

Eddie ducked his head with a grin as Buck looked like he wanted to explode Chim with his mind. “Nothing,” Buck grated out between his teeth.

“Mhm,” Chim hummed, not at all convinced. “Yeah, right. I’m intrigued now. C’mon, Buckley, what’s going on in your sex life that’s so scandalous?”

Buck narrowed his eyes. “What, do you want details—”

“Buck was just complaining,” Eddie started placidly, swiveling around in his chair to face Chim, “that he doesn’t have one.”

Chim let out a snort. “Yeah. We know. He wouldn’t shut up about how there’s no one in his life. That’s why Ravi took him to that gay club on… when was it—Friday?”

“Yesterday,” Buck grumbled.

“Oh, right,” Chimney said, then snapped his fingers. “Right. So, that’s what you were talking about. What, you couldn’t get any at a gay club? Buck, it’s literally pride month.”

Buck’s eyes widened, caught in what lie to trap himself. He wasn’t fast enough, because Hen spoke before he could say anything, having materialized back at the top of the stairs. “Oh, no. He definitely got some.”

“What?” Chim and Buck snapped at the same time.

Hen nodded as she came up to the counter, pursing her lips. “What, you didn’t see the ginormous hickey he’s trying to hide underneath his collar?” She slapped Eddie upside the head, getting a small yelp in return. “Triage tags were exactly where they always are. Dumbass.”

Chim stood up on his tip-toes, craning his neck to see the hickey. Buck reached up self-consciously to tug the neck of his shirt down. “Oh yeah! I see it. Shit, it looks like you got attacked by a vampire.”

“Will you shut up?” Buck snapped, glaring at the others. “All of you.”

Eddie smirked, rubbing the back of his head, not having said a word and yet still getting a glare from Buck.

“So,” Chim needled, chomping on a mouthful of apple obnoxiously, “who was this mystery person? Someone you’ll see again or just a stranger that disappeared into the night?”

“No one,” Buck grumbled, turning his back on all of them to stir the soup. He could hear Chim starting another jibe, but Buck cut him off. “Soup’s up!”

Buck proceeded to ignore everyone for the rest of shift. Him and Eddie got in the same car when their shift was over – raising absolutely zero eyebrows, because they almost always arrived to and left their shifts together – but Buck put his hands on the steering wheel, not starting the engine. Eddie sat next to him, texting Christopher.

After a minute of them not going anywhere, Eddie looked up from his phone, frowning. “Uh… Buck?”

“How are you not freaked out?”

Eddie startled, putting his phone on the dashboard and turning in his seat to fully face Buck. “Oh...kay. What's happening?”

Buck tried to shake out his shoulders, the lingering tension there. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have been on the edge of climbing out of my skin the entire day. Every single time Hen looked at me, it felt like she was looking at me differently. Every time I caught Chim’s eye, it felt like he was about to say something about us. Not to even mention Bobby! And somehow, this entire shift, you’ve been the coolest, most nonchalant you’ve ever been. What the hell, Eddie? Aren’t you scared? Freaked out? Absolutely terrified that we—that I screwed up the best thing that I’ve ever been allowed to have?”

Eddie watched Buck patiently, his brown eyes soft and kind. “No,” he said when Buck was done, cautiously reaching out a hand and laying it on top of Buck’s.

 Buck let out a deep exhale, something in his chest catching and releasing, the first breath he’s taken all day. “Then… what? Why are you all… normal?”

“Because from the moment I kissed you it finally felt like everything in my life fit, and I’ve never been more at peace in my entire life,” Eddie said, leaning down and lifting Buck’s hand so he could lay a kiss on the knuckles. His thumb rubbed over Buck’s skin.

Buck could feel himself melt, an entire day being strung-up with anxiety suddenly cut down. His spine slunk down against the seat, clenched left fist loosening from the steering wheel.

Eddie’s phone buzzed against the dashboard, Christopher’s personalized ringtone blaring from it. Eddie looked away, not releasing Buck’s hand. “That’s Chris. He wants to tell you about the new Fortnite skins he wants to get when he comes home next week,” Eddie told him, grabbing his phone with his free hand. “Should I tell him to call back later?”

“No,” Buck said, too fast. “No, answer. I want to talk to him.”

Eddie nodded, answering the call before it could go into voicemail, and Buck started the engine, pulling the car out of the station lot one-handed while the other was occupied with holding Eddie’s.

Chapter Text

“Look, all I’m saying is it shouldn’t be this hard. There are people much more physically inept than me that do this every single day. I shouldn’t be struggling.”

“Well, you are twenty-four weeks pregnant, Mads.”

Maddie wacked Buck on the arm with her IKEA Ellen key, before going back to jamming at the half-built cot. “I’m not even in my third trimester yet, Buckley. If you bring up the fact that I’m pregnant in relation to me not being able to do something again, I will jam this stupid tool right into your—”

“Chill it, Mama Bear,” Chim said, leaning back against the wall. His own half-built bookcase was lying across his lap, crushing his legs. “We still want our kids to have a godfather.”

“As if he needs another godchild,” Maddie grumbled, leaning forward to stick her nose into the crevice where another screw was supposed to go. “He’s already spoiling the two he has too much.”

Chim frowned, twirling his mini screwdriver between the fingers of his left hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She’s just bitter that Jee thinks I’m the best godfather in the world,” Buck said, smirking when Maddie threw him with a piece of plastic without even looking. It missed, slowly floating down to fall on his fully built and functional changing table. It was currently half-painted with a deep blue, and the other half of the paint was slowly getting onto his fingers and palms.

“Okay,” Chimney said, drawing out the sound. “That’s still just one kid. You said he had two godchildren. The other one’s not here, yet.”

“She meant Chris,” Buck said, still smug as anything. Half of the reason Maddie was currently pissed off was because of how quickly Buck had built his piece of IKEA furniture, and it hadn’t even collapsed on him once. Buck looked toward Chimney after the silence drew on for just a second too long.

Chimney looked like he’d been hit in the face with a pan.

Buck’s smile slowly faded. “What?”

“You’re… Christopher’s godfather?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“As in… if Eddie kicks it, Christopher legally becomes yours.”

“I mean, I’ll be his legal guardian, yeah. If something happens to Eddie.”

Chim’s mouth opened to say something, then just stayed like that, gaping. “When the hell did Eddie do that?” he spluttered.

“Uhm.” Buck did the math in his head. “Well, he told me about it after that time he got shot… but he’d actually done the paperwork right after that well collapsed on him… so… about five years ago,” Buck said, counting the years back on his hands to check his math. “Yeah, five years ago. Chris was around eight or nine.”

“So he’d known you for a year,” Chim exclaimed, seeming genuinely in shock.

“I think it was closer to two.” Buck shrugged, face twisted up in confusion. “What’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big—” Chim guffawed, getting a sigh from Maddie. Chim looked over at her. “You’ve known this whole time.”

Maddie shrugged. “I thought you knew.”

“If I’d known I never would’ve stopped bringing it up! It’s insane!”

Buck threw up his paint-stained hands. “What? Why?”

Chimney threw down his screwdriver and laid his palms flat on top of the half-built bookcase. “Did you know me and Maddie are Denny and Mara’s godparents?”

“Yes…” Buck drew out the sound, unsure where this was leading. “They asked you guys at Mara’s adoption party. We were all there.”

“Yeah. Exactly. They asked us before they did the legal paperwork, first of all. Second of all, they know that Maddie and I are married, and they’ve seen us with Jee. No offense, Buck, but you don’t exactly have the most stable, responsible lifestyle.”

Buck let out a defensive noise. “I am not unresponsible—”

“I said no offense,” Chim defended.

“Just because you said no offense doesn’t mean you can just say something offensive—”

“Guys,” Maddie said with an exasperated eyeroll, going back to jamming her Ellen key into the hole to try to fasten the screw.

“Not the point,” Chim conceded. “What I meant was: you’re single, you used to jump between relationships, and you’re working one of the most dangerous jobs there is.”

Buck frowned. “So? You’re a firefighter, too.”

“But Maddie isn’t,” Chim pointed out. “So if we were to get legal custody of Denny and Mara, and something happened to me, they’d still have Maddie. If something happened to Eddie on a call, the chances that it happened to you too are like… one hundred percent.”

“Well, that’s not—”

“You’re literally glued together on calls,” Chim said, deadpan.

Buck shut his mouth, because… true.

“Now, where was I… secondly? Thirdly,” Chim said, holding up three fingers to accentuate his point. “I’ve known Hen for more than fifteen years. I literally set her and Karen up together. They’ve watched me and Maddie get together, they were at our wedding, they’ve seen us with Jee. Eddie asked you to be Christopher’s legal guardian if he dies after knowing you for less than two years. While Christopher also still had other family. Pepa, his grandfather on Shannon’s side, and doesn’t Eddie literally have two sisters?”

“Adriana and Sophia,” Buck answered, nodding.

“Right. How old are they?”

“Adriana’s twenty-eight, Sophia’s turning twenty-five next month.”

Chim looked at Buck oddly, before he gave a single nod. “Right. Okay. Are either of them married or have a stable partner?”

“Adriana’s married to some Swedish guy,” Buck said. “Gustaf… something.”

“Okay. Do either of them have stable jobs?”

“Adriana’s an accountant, Gustaf’s a nurse. Sophia’s doing her masters in sociology.”

Chim frowned. “How the hell do you know all this?”

Buck shrugged. “Eddie calls his sisters every few weeks.”

“And you… listen?”

“What, no! I wouldn't eavesdrop on personal family stuff.” Buck let out a small, incredulous noise. “I sit next to Eddie. We talk to them. They’re pretty fun people, Sophia’s a lot like Eddie.”

Chim and Maddie exchanged glances, and Buck couldn’t figure out for the life of him what they meant. Maddie abandoned the cot and turned her attention to Buck. “Buck. I’m going to ask you a question, and I don’t want an answer, I just want you to think about it, okay? And think about it very seriously.”

Buck’s frown deepened. “O…kay.”

“Why would Eddie ask you, a man he’d known for less than two years, who has the same dangerous job and is usually on the same shifts as him, and who is not in a stable relationship, to be the legal guardian of his child in case of his death instead of… oh, I don’t know, maybe his eldest sister who’s in a stable marriage with a safe job, and who he’s know his entire life?”

“I…” Buck trailed off, genuinely thinking about it.

Maddie and Chim didn’t say anything. They returned their attention back to their projects as Buck stared down at the floor, the silence tapering off. He mulled the thought over and over in his head, like a hamster on a wheel, making himself dizzy. Chris loved him. He knew that. And he’d know what a big responsibility it had been when Eddie had added Buck into his will, but nothing had changed. They’d been best friends before Buck knew about the will, they’d been best friends after, and they’d been there for each other through everything. There wasn't a thing they didn't know about each other. At least, that's what Buck thought. 

It's not like Eddie's been hiding some gigantic crush on Buck for the past few years, or that he was even... in love with Buck. That just wasn't possible. Eddie's only ever dated women, he's never expressed any interest in Buck before that drunken night, and all of these feelings were just new and blooming up from a very shallow surface, with only the possibility of growing into more (please let it grow into more), for Eddie.

And that's all it was right now. Buck might have been completely, desperately gone on Eddie for years now, but this was all a new discovery for Eddie, one he'd most likely get over once he got past the excitement and the sex and just saw Buck for what he was. Once he dug just past the skin and found whatever rotten, poisonous thing lives in Buck's chest that's always caused his relationships to fail, and made even his parents throw him away. It was only a matter of time. Right? 

Maddie made a triumphant noise, the cot finally standing and looking like it could actually carry a baby’s weight.

“Hey, good job,” Chimney praised, scooting closer to kiss Maddie’s cheek as she grinned. Buck zoned back in, giving a weak smile to Maddie as she got up from the floor.

“We should have Jee test it tonight,” she told Chim, wiggling the side of the cot to check its stability. It barely moved.

Chim joined her, both of them swaying the wood, but it relented. “It looks like it’ll hold. Good job, sweetheart.”

Buck stood up from the cold floor, his back giving a creak as it settled into place. “Hey guys, I’m gonna—I’m gonna head home.”

Maddie turned away from the cot, big brown eyes wide in a sympathetic frown. “You sure? You can have dinner with us. I was just about to go grab Jee from pre-K.”

“No, no, it’s okay. But thanks, Mads.” Buck stepped in, hugging Maddie close, before giving Chim a friendly slap on his shoulder. “Chim, I’ll see you on shift on Wednesday, alright?”

“You got your keys?” Chim said with a smirk.

Buck grabbed them from the corner, giving a mock-glare to Chimney. “Ha, ha, very funny. Still can't believe Ravi told you about that. I didn’t even technically lose them.”

“But you also didn’t have them, or your phone,” Chimney jibed. Ravi had told them all the state Buck had been in after their clubbing fiasco, along with a photo of Buck completely covered in glitter and bi flags.

“Yeah. That’s because Ravi did.” Buck swung his keys in his hand, putting his phone in his back pocket. They’d never figured out where Buck’s shirt had ended up. “And that’s also why Ravi’s getting salt in his coffee for the next month.”

Chim let out a snort, before he paused. “Wait, you said ‘see you Wednesday’? We have a shift tomorrow.”

Buck hovered in the doorway, ready to leave. “Me and Eddie took it off. We’re going to go grab Chris from the airport, remember?”

“Oh, right.”

“Good luck! Love you!” Maddie shouted after him as Buck walked out of the house, swinging his keys around his fingers.

As soon as he got in the car and thought of home, his mind sprung automatically to Eddie’s house. It was a reflex. He didn’t know how to unlearn it—didn’t think he possibly could. He'd lived in his loft for five years, but somehow, after living at Eddie's for less than six months, it had messed with all the wires in his brain. 

He shook his head, setting his mind on going back to the apartment he’s renting. Cold. Lonely. He could watch some trashy TV, maybe order a pizza, pick up some beers. He could do whatever he wanted at the apartment.

But he didn’t want to go there. His heart, his chest, his entire body was straining to go home. Every synapse and sinew pulling towards Eddie.

“Fuck it,” Buck breathed, hand clutched around the steering wheel, starting the engine. He pointed the nose of the Jeep towards Eddie’s house.

Eddie was cleaning. Everything. Every corner, nook, cranny, every dust bunny or spiderweb that had the unfortune to challenge his mop. Every single spot in the house had to be perfect.

Chris was coming home tomorrow. Permanently. His flight landed at 4pm, and Eddie was planning on making nachos for the three of them, already rented the new Minecraft movie Chris had been raving about, and he’s got beers in the fridge for him and Buck.

The doorbell rang.

Eddie paused his slow crawl next to the sofa, his hand underneath, dusting the underside. He stayed still for a second, wondering who on earth it could be. Him and Buck had texted earlier, and Buck had said he was still at Chim and Maddie’s, and that he'd be at Eddie's at two the next day to drive to the airport. Hen and Karen were doing date night tonight with Hen’s mom in town. He, frankly, had no idea what Maddie and Chim were up to after painting the new baby's room, except for the fact that Chim had sent him a picture of a collapsed bookcase earlier with a deceased emoji. Athena and Bobby were still on their three-day getaway to celebrate retired life. 

Eddie got up from the floor, dusting off his knees and feeling the creak in them before he went over to the door. He checked the peephole.

Buck.

Eddie should start automatically expecting it to be Buck that’s at his door until proven otherwise, because it’s always Buck.

It’s always been Buck.

Eddie’s palms started sweating as he unlocked the door. They hadn’t talked, yet. About their relationship, the new changes and what happens now that they're... them. They’d come home on Sunday, Buck had spent the night – although with very little funny business except some heavy kissing and Buck humping his leg again – and he’d gone home that morning, then to Maddie’s to start setting up the new baby’s room. They hadn’t made plans for the night. Has Buck changed his mind?

Slowly, cautiously, Eddie slid open the door.

Buck immediately whipped through, grabbing Eddie by the shoulders and smashing their mouths together, teeth clacking. Buck kicked the door closed behind them with a bang, leaving Eddie completely dazed as Buck kissed him within an inch of his life. His tongue laved over Eddie’s bottom lip, then his teeth, nipping and scraping at it. Sparks flew behind Eddie’s eyes, the rest of his body immediately on board.

Except the small remaining brain function he possessed. “Buck,” he groaned, when Buck bit harder at his lip, then drew a long, wet line into his mouth. Eddie tried again, less wanton this time. “Buck.”

Buck gave another swipe of his tongue over Eddie’s, before he pulled away barely an inch, just panting against Eddie’s mouth. “Mhm,” he grunted, breath hot on Eddie’s tongue.

Eddie pulled away just a little further, putting his hand on Buck’s cheek to see his glossy blue eyes. A dimple carved into his cheek as Buck grinned sloppily. Eddie echoed it, but still felt his confusion swimming beneath his solar plexus.

“Hi,” Buck said, adorably fond and grinning.

Eddie’s smile spread a little further. “Uh. Hi.”

"Missed you." Buck fell back forward to kiss him again, and Eddie was defenseless against it, confusion flying out of the window. He sank into it, letting Buck shove him up against the front door, Buck’s hands pressing so hard into his hips they were sure to leave bruises. Please leave bruises, Eddie thought, then let out a hearty groan as Buck unlatched from his mouth to start sucking at the thin skin of his throat.

Buck’s teeth scraped over Eddie’s Adam’s apple, then latched properly, a sharp sweet-sting from Buck’s lips that had Eddie letting out another loud groan. “Fuck. That’s gonna be— hard to hide— on shift.”

Buck let out a small laugh so filled with lust it almost sounded like a moan. Another kiss-sting, right next to the other one, where no collar would be able to hide it. Eddie could feel Buck’s mouth curving into a smile against his skin.

Eddie wanted to complain, but all he could do was slam his head backwards against the door as Buck’s hand traveled underneath his shirt, drawing his nails over Eddie’s nipple. “Fuck.”

“Mhm,” Buck hummed, getting both hands underneath Eddie’s shirt, tugging. He unlatched from Eddie’s skin so they could pull the shirt off together. A flood of cold air rushed over Eddie’s front, skin pebbling from the sensation, before the furnace that is Buck stepped back against him, so close it seemed like Buck wanted to climb inside his skin. “We could,” Buck rumbled.

Eddie groaned as Buck’s mouth worked down his chest, finding his nipple, laving his hot, wet tongue around it. “What?” Eddie panted.

Buck licked a stripe down Eddie’s ribs, leaving a streak of drying, cold spit. “We could. Fuck, I mean.”

“O-oh,” Eddie moaned, then moaned even louder as the full idea hit him. Buck pounding into him. Him slamming home with Buck on his knees. Inside each other. Finally closer, inside the other’s skin. “Fuck, yes.”

Buck was on his way to sinking to his knees, but Eddie’s answer had him springing back up, face-to-face, slightly surprised. There was already sweat glittering at Buck’s temple, his lips pink and spit-slick, his eyes shining with lust. “Wait—really?”

Eddie nodded, feeling his breath pant from his lungs, heart racing a permanent dent into his ribs from the force of it.

Buck groaned, dropping his forehead onto Eddie’s shoulder as his hips bucked against Eddie’s. Eddie’s hands slid down, gripping onto Buck’s hips, guiding him to grind harder. Buck’s moan was directly in his ear as they rubbed their clothed erections, the friction sending a thrill from the tips of Eddie’s ears to his toes.

“Fuck,” Buck groaned, hand on the door next to Eddie’s ear, caging him in.

“Bedroom,” Eddie panted. “If we want to do that.”

Buck nodded against his shoulder, but kept just humping against Eddie, boneless except for the drive of his hips.

Eddie grabbed onto his sides, feeling the muscles of Buck’s belly jump underneath his fingers, and started manhandling Buck out of the living room, down the hall, into his bedroom. He returned the favor from earlier, pressing Buck up against the bedroom door as soon as it had slammed. He tried for all his worth to kiss Buck within an inch of his life, feeling like he was succeeding as Buck’s moans just got louder and heavier, breaths panting in sync. Buck’s leg came up, hooking around Eddie’s hip, opening his hips so Eddie could thrust harder against him.

Eddie got his hand around Buck’s thigh, spreading him even further, before he suddenly let go. It took all his self-control, but he untangled himself from Buck, letting their mouths pant just an inch apart, keeping his hand at the back of Buck’s head. When Buck tried to surge forward to kiss him, Eddie’s fingers tightened, yanking at his hair to keep their lips from touching. Buck’s moan rumbled through both their chests.

“Too much?” Eddie asked, hearing his pulse rushing through his ears.

Buck shook his head, mouth open and breath hot on Eddie’s nose. “Perfect,” Buck panted, and Eddie gave his hair another sharp tug, earning a high-pitched moan. “Please.” Buck was begging. He canted his head down, looking up at Eddie with his blue eyes wide and glossy, curls in disarray, pupils impossibly big. “Eddie, please.”

Eddie leaned back in, slipping his tongue into Buck’s mouth slowly, a filthy, open-mouthed kiss. He pulled Buck away from the door, turning him around until his back was toward the bed, before Eddie shoved. Buck fell backward, right on top of the covers, his weight bouncing on the mattress. Eddie barely gave him time to settle – big, bewildered blue eyes staring up through dark lashes – before Eddie was climbing after him, settling his weight solidly on top of Buck.

Eddie ground their hips together, raking his nails up Buck’s belly to get his shirt off, vaulting it across the room. He left little lines in his wake, especially when he dug his nails deeper, right over Buck’s hips. He wanted to leave marks. To dig his teeth in, show everyone who Buck belongs to. To never have another person even dare to touch Buck without knowing that he belongs, and always will belong, to Eddie.

Eddie’s mind snagged back onto his almost-forgotten confusion as he left a hickey over Buck’s hipbone. “Buck,” he murmured, scraping his teeth over Buck’s lower belly. Buck gave a little groan that Eddie accepted as yeah? “Not that I’m complaining, but—” Eddie went willingly as Buck pulled him back up, but stopped Buck with a hand in his hair before they could kiss. “—what’s up?”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s great.” Eddie tugged Buck’s head back by his hair, getting Buck to moan and arch his back on the mattress. “I’m having a—great time. But it just feels a little…” Buck bucked off the mattress again, arching his back up into Eddie. Eddie moaned before he could finish his sentence. “…sudden,” he grunted out.

“I realized something,” Buck answered, throaty. Eddie couldn’t take it anymore, the sight of Buck’s swollen, kiss-bruised lips, and ducked down to let them kiss again.

“What—” Buck’s tongue slipped into his mouth. Eddie took back control of the kiss, before moving back, panting. “What’d you realize?”

“Home,” Buck said, as if that was a fully-formed sentence. Buck opened his eyes, staring up at Eddie. “It’s not my apartment. It’s not this house. It’s you. Eddie, you’re home to me.”

Eddie felt like he wanted to cry, emotion suddenly thick and heavy in his chest, filling his every sense. “Buck.”

Buck just stared up at Eddie, looking unsure, chest a faint pink with blooming scratch marks adorning his skin. “Is that… okay?”

Eddie surprised them both when the momentum of it all overwhelmed him and he burst out, “I love you.”

Everything stopped.

They both stopped moving, hips paused together in their grind, bare chests pressed together, sweat and spit cooling on skin. It felt like even the air had stopped moving around them, atoms and electrons freezing in their paths.

Eddie loved him. It seemed so obvious now. Obviously, they’ve been best friends for years now, some kind of love must have existed between them, but they’ve never said it out loud. And here was why. They both must have known, all this time, that even just the shape of those words could never mean as little as just best friends. It could never just mean lovers either. To them, it meant… everything.

Three, all-encompassing words.

I love you.

And Eddie meant them with his entire being.

Buck’s eyes were still so wide, glassy and shining. “Eddie—”

“Buck, I love you,” Eddie repeated, the most right he’s ever felt in anything. His love for Buck was threaded through his every sinew and cell. Through every word that passed his tongue and thump of the heart in his chest. “You don’t have to say it back, I just—I had to get it out.”

Buck was still frozen underneath Eddie, but, to Eddie’s horror, there were tears brimming on the edges of his lashes.

Eddie was starting to panic. “Buck—”

“Fuck, Eddie, I love you so much you don’t even understand,” Buck gasped out, his fingers clawing at Eddie’s back as every muscle in his body seemed to jolt back into action. “It hurts sometimes, with how much I love you. It’s like you’re a part of me, Eds. It physically aches when I can’t talk to you, or—or see you. And I only realized that when you—” fucked off to Texas, was the unfinished sentence Eddie could hear anyway, but this wasn’t Buck throwing it back into his face. It was Buck explaining why he’d lashed out in the first place. He'd missed Eddie, and hadn't known how to show it except to show Eddie his bleeding, angry heart.

Eddie fell back into Buck, unable to stop it. Buck tangled around him, pressing them so close together it seemed like he wanted their atoms to meld together. Quantum tunneling, Buck had told him about, once. If they could press their skin together at just the right time, they could be fused together for the rest of their lives.

“I’m not sorry for putting my son first,” Eddie gasped out around kisses. “But I am sorry that I didn’t ask if you wanted to come with me.”

“I should’ve—just showed up,” Buck panted. Eddie moved down his neck, collarbones, nipples, leaving hot, sucking kisses. Buck mewled. “I should’ve pro—proved to you how much I love you. Love you both.”

“Okay,” Eddie decided, pausing at Buck’s lower belly. “No more son talk.”

Buck nodded frantically, squeezing his eyes shut as Eddie’s fingers popped open the button of his pants. “Agreed. Fuck, Eddie, I love you.”

Eddie grinned as he pulled down Buck’s pants, getting Buck to shimmy his hips until Eddie could throw his jeans into the corner of the room. Buck’s underwear strained with his erection, a large, dark wet spot already staining it. Eddie hooked his thumbs into the waistband, but Buck stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

Eddie looked up, stilling.

Buck’s mouth was open, breathing hard as he got onto his elbows to look Eddie in the eyes. “Shit, I just—realized something.”

“What?”

“We don’t have—lube.” Buck settled back on his forearms, pouting. “Kind of important if we wanted to… y’know.”

Eddie tried his best to bite down his smirk. “And who, exactly, told you I don’t have lube.”

“You—” Eddie could see the thought getting caught in the cogs of Buck’s mind.

Eddie reached backward, balancing himself on Buck’s lap and relishing the friction between them. Eddie still had his pants on, but Buck let out a full-hearted groan as his almost-naked dick ground against Eddie’s jeans. With only slightly shaking hands, Eddie got his nightstand open, rummaging around inside as Buck’s hands held his hips steady. The feeling of Buck’s fingers digging into his skin made Eddie want to collapse on the spot.

“Got it,” Eddie grunted, holding onto Buck’s hand to pull himself back upright, grinding onto Buck’s lap. He tugged at Buck's briefs, getting them down to his knees and letting Buck deal with them the rest of the way. Buck's naked cock sprung up, slapping against his belly and leaving a smear of glistening precome. Eddie reached out, dragging his thumbnail across the opening of the urethra, collecting the drop of pearly fluid there, before he let go of Buck's cock to pop his thumb into his mouth.

“Your jeans—” Buck moaned as Eddie gave a little grind on top of him. “—are an issue.”

Eddie leaned down, abandoning the bottle of lube next to Buck’s head, to whisper in his ear. “Then why don’t you solve it.”

Buck let out a small sound, almost like a keen, before he sprung into action. With his hands still on Eddie’s hips, he had the upper hand to throw Eddie over, his back hitting the mattress, and got on top of Eddie.

Eddie let out a gasp in surprise, Buck’s weight suddenly settling on his front, Buck himself panting from the action. Buck’s grin was more than a hundred shades of sexy. “How’d you like that, cowboy?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Cowboy?”

“Oh, sorry, did you want me to be the cowboy?” Buck asked, words breathy as he kept up the grind of their hips. “Because then I could… ride you.” Buck gave a demonstrative swivel of his hips, dark tattoos flashing over pink-flushed skin. “But first—we have to get rid of your—stupid jeans.”

Eddie chuckled as Buck started unbuttoning and divesting Eddie of his jeans and underwear as if the fabric had personally insulted him. Eddie kicked them the rest of the way off his knees and ankles so Buck didn’t have to dismount, and finally. Skin to skin. Hot and sweat-slick.

Buck wrapped a hand around the both of them, giving a few experimental strokes as they found a rhythm that had them both writhing. Their cockheads slotted together just right, and Eddie almost came on the spot. “Fuck, Buck,” Eddie grunted out, holding Buck’s hips as they ground together.

“I—I need—you,” Buck panted, leaning down until Eddie’s dick was dragging slick lines over his stomach, slotting their mouths together. Buck licked into him fervently, hungrily, tongue almost feverishly hot. “Inside me. Right now.”

“That’ll hurt,” Eddie protested, barely able to focus on anything except the slide of their skin.

“Don’t care.” Buck’s breath was hot as he left a sucking, stinging hickey underneath Eddie’s ear.

Eddie swung them back around, catching Buck by surprise when he was back on top and could look Buck in the eyes. “No, but I do. Lay back.”

Eddie grabbed the lube next to Buck’s head, before traveling down. He left a few more kisses over Buck’s pecs, scraping his teeth down his ribs, licking stripes over the stretch marks on his stomach and thighs, gnawing at them just a little bit. The lube opened with a snick, and Buck got back on his elbows to watch Eddie with bewildered, lust-blown blue eyes. Eddie bit at his bottom lip, slicking up his two forefingers.

Buck parted his legs as far as they could go to give Eddie access, and Eddie slid closer, dragging a slick line down Buck’s inner thigh. He drew a slow, gentle finger over the furled skin of Buck’s opening. He looked up at Buck. “You sure?”

“Eddie,” Buck panted, bringing his hand up to rest it on Eddie’s cheek. “Fuck me.”

Eddie pushed the first finger into Buck, keeping it slow because Buck was incredibly tight. “Fuck,” Eddie breathed out, pulling his finger back before sinking it deeper, repeating the motion a few times. When he sank his second finger in with the first, Buck let out a high-pitched keen. “Too fast?”

“More,” Buck pleaded.

Eddie gave it to him, scissoring his two fingers first, adding lube and stretching the muscle properly, before he added another finger, pushing all three into Buck a little faster than the first two. Buck yelped, the sound lust-drunk, and arched his back off the bed.

“I’m ready,” Buck panted, clawing at the arm Eddie had balanced on the mattress. “Eddie, please, I’m ready.”

Eddie spread his fingers a bit more, pressing in deeper until he found the little bump of nerves that would make Buck go—

“Please,” Buck begged in a low keen, entire body stretched out like a live wire, toes curling as Eddie’s fingers brushed his prostate.

“Okay,” Eddie said, pulling his fingers out of Buck and wiping them on the sheets. He added more lube to Buck’s hole, and drizzled some into his hand to slick up his dick. “Now you’re ready.”

Buck lifted his legs as Eddie moved back up the bed, clamping his knees around Eddie’s hips to pull him closer. Eddie could feel Buck’s ankles cross at his back, locked around him. He smirked down at Buck, who was looking far past desperate. “Thought you wanted to ride me.”

“I swear to fuck, if you don’t get inside me right now, I’m going to die,” Buck growled, legs clamping harder around Eddie’s hips, drawing him down onto Buck.

“You’re so dramatic,” Eddie laughed, leaning down to lick into Buck’s mouth, getting them both breathless in the span of a minute. He reached a hand down, holding onto his shaft as he positioned the head of his cock to rest right at the opening of Buck’s hole. Eddie opened his eyes, pulling back from the kiss to stare down at Buck. He drew the head of his dick slowly up and down over Buck’s furled hole, the slick sensation sending sparks down his cock. Buck mewled, the sound almost inhuman, hips bucking up to try to get Eddie to sink home, but Eddie just kept teasing over his entrance, just barely adding pressure before pulling back, over and over.

Finally, Buck opened his eyes, wide and shining, begging, throaty and breathless, “Please—” and Eddie sunk into him.

They both groaned at the sensation, Buck hot and so tight around him. Eddie tried his best to hold back until Buck adjusted, sinking in so slow he felt he might go insane with it. Eddie thought himself to be a careful, considerate man, but his self-control still had limits.

“Buck, Buck, Buck,” Eddie chanted underneath his breath as he finally sank in to the hilt, his hips flush to Buck’s. “Buck.”

“Fuck, Eddie, I love you,” Buck panted out. His hands reached up blindly, finding the back of Eddie’s head and pulling him down, until their mouths met and their tongues intertwined. The kiss was hot, sloppy and wet. Buck clawed at the back of Eddie’s head to get him closer, and that had Eddie sliding just that little bit deeper into Buck, causing them both to groan into each other’s mouths.

Eddie pulled out in a slow, controlled movement as far as Buck’s legs allowed him, before he slammed back in. Buck moaned so loudly Eddie already had his apology letter to his neighbors written up in his mind. Fucked my best friend senseless, best night of my life, not actually sorry. That seemed more than apt, especially when Eddie pulled out again and thrust back in even harder, the head of his cock hitting Buck’s prostate and causing Buck to clench around him. Eddie saw stars.

Buck’s legs around Eddie’s hips tried to guide him to go faster, but Eddie kept up the slow-but-bruising tempo of his thrusts, aiming for Buck’s prostate every third or fourth push in. It became a primal game of skin and chasing pleasure, both of them lost to it. The muscles in Eddie’s thighs were sweat-slick and burning from the exertion, knees digging into the mattress as he tried to get deeper. He wanted to live inside of Buck. Dig himself a hole beneath his ribs, right beside his heart, to crawl there and curl up in a space only he could fit into, and never leave.

Buck patted him on his side, shoving at Eddie to turn over. Eddie slowed his thrusts, following as Buck turned them around, Eddie slipping out of him. Buck settled astride him again.

“Said I wanted to—” Buck had to pause to breathe and articulate the end of the sentence, “—ride you.”

Eddie sunk his hands into the flesh of Buck’s hips, urging him into a grind as Eddie dick settled right beneath Buck’s balls, hitting his perineum. Eddie dug the fingers of one of his hands into Buck’s hair, dragging his nails over his scalp, before he yanked at the sweat-damp curls. Buck moaned, so Eddie did it again, pulling him down until Eddie’s mouth was right at Buck’s ear. “Then ride me,” Eddie whispered, feeling the shiver that tangled down Buck’s spine.

Buck reached a hand backward, sitting upright so he could direct Eddie’s cock back to rest at his hole, then sunk down. Eddie felt his back trying to arch up, to thrust deeper, but Buck’s weight kept him pinned to the mattress. Buck sunk down until they were flush together, knees on the bed on either side of Eddie’s hips. He did a little roll, Eddie’s cock scraping against his inner walls, before he pulled back and—

Buck’s rim clenched again as Eddie’s cock hit his prostate, and Buck repeated the exact roll of his hips to do it again. It was almost like a lap dance, as Buck swung his hips up, then back down, his cock bobbing with each round. Eddie got the rhythm Buck had going on, planted his heels on the mattress, and took over.

Buck looked like his strings have been cut when Eddie’s nails bit into his hips and held him still as Eddie started thrusting up, harder, scraping over Buck’s prostate and causing him to make little uh-uh-uh sounds. The head of Buck’s cock was almost purple, his slit drooling a near-constant stream of pre-come, dripping onto Eddie’s stomach. Buck’s balls slapped against Eddie’s pelvis. The entire scene, the sounds of their skin and flesh and moans, was completely and utterly obscene. Eddie’s never been so turned on in his life. He’s right on the edge, his balls pulling up as his cock throbbed inside of Buck, wanting to come more than he’s wanted anything in his life.

“Fuck, fuck, Eddie,” Buck hiccuped out, one of his hands holding onto his shaft, trying to stroke but not quite able to manage. “I’m—fuck, Eddie, I’m—”

“Come,” Eddie demanded, slamming home and feeling Buck’s insides squeeze around him.

Buck’s cock gave a jerk in his hand, come spurting out in a white drool as he came all over Eddie’s chest and stomach. “I love you, Eddie, fuck—ah—I love you—”

Buck’s walls were like a vice around Eddie, the tide of his orgasm sweeping over him, leaving Eddie defenseless against it. “Buck, I’m gonna—”

“In me,” Buck begged, completely breathless and disjointed as another dribble of come leaked from his cock. “Fuck, come inside me, Eddie, make me yours, please—”

Eddie almost blacked out from how hard he came, buried into Buck to the hilt, Buck’s walls hot and tight as Eddie painted them full of come. Buck’s hips gave a grind as more of Eddie’s come spurted into him, milking as much as he could. Eddie dug his nails in to get Buck to stop, too much, too much. His cock gave another twitch inside of Buck as a last wave of come dribbled out, before he was finally boneless, slumping back onto the mattress, panting.

Buck collapsed on top of him, practically gluing them together with the sweat and come on their stomachs, but Eddie couldn't care less. They caught their breaths, both of them with their eyes closed, Buck’s temple resting on Eddie’s collarbone. When Eddie finally pulled out, he could feel a dribble of his come leak out with it, and something possessive grabbed hold of him as he thought, mine, only mine, forever. 

Buck turned his head, laying a kiss at Eddie’s temple before nuzzling his nose into Eddie’s hair. His curls were wild and damp with sweat, completely fucked from Eddie’s hands. Buck’s body was filled with hickeys and scratch marks, come drying on his stomach and thighs, skin still pink and flushed from exertion. He was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“I love you,” Eddie whispered, right into Buck’s breastbone, to the space beneath Buck’s ribs he’d crawl into if he could. The space only for him.

Buck kissed his hair, and Eddie could feel him smile. “I love you, too.”

They both dozed off in each other’s arms, and Eddie’s last thought before he fell asleep was: I’ve never been happier than at this very moment. My son is coming home, and I have the love of my life in my arms. Everything is perfect. 

Chapter Text

Everything was a disaster.

Because of course it was. His son was finally coming home, and somehow they’d overslept, and Eddie hadn’t gotten the right cheese for nachos tonight, and this shitty 7-Eleven didn’t have the soda Chris likes, and Eddie’s the worst father in the world. Christopher was going to get off the plane, see him standing there, and then turn right back around to go back to Texas. That’s just how it is. Eddie is always and forever doomed to be left alone and to lose the things he loves.

“Alright, I’ve got the—” Buck’s came to an abrupt pause, voice trailing off, his presence a hovering shadow at Eddie’s side.

Eddie stared at his own reflection in the glass of the soda fridge door. Couldn’t stop. Fingers curling and uncurling at his sides. An imbedded, bone-deep itch grating underneath his skin.

“Uh… Eddie?” Buck was warm, next to him. “You okay?”

Slow and mechanical, Eddie gave a single nod, eyes still glued to the poor, see-through image of himself shining back from the glass.

“I got the chips Chris likes. And some chicharrónes. For you.”

“Thanks,” Eddie said.

“What’s wrong?”

“They don’t have the cream soda Dr Pepper Chris likes.”

“Oh. Well, just get him a Fanta. He loves Fanta.”

“He likes Dr Pepper more.”

“Okay, how about, we check if they have it at the airport? Gonna cost an arm and a leg, but Chris’ll appreciate it. That okay?”

Eddie swallowed, finally dragging his eyes from his reflection, staring down at his shoes. “We don’t have queso. Accidentally got one with peppers. Didn’t see until this morning when I doublechecked the dinner stuff.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay! Let’s see what 7-eleven has. I’m sure they’ll have—”

“He’s going to go back.”

Buck stopped talking, teeth clacking onto each other as he stared at Eddie. “W-what?”

“Christopher. He’s going to hate being back home, isn’t he? He’s going to come back here, and wish he never did. What am I even doing. Fuck.”

“Eddie. Eddie, hey, no—” Buck grabbed his hand, gentle fingers wrapped around Eddie’s knuckles, and pulled him back to look at him. Buck’s blue eyes were warm and earnest when Eddie met his gaze. “Eddie. I can see you’re panicking. And that’s okay. But I need you to stay still for a second, okay?”

Eddie frowned, trying his best to breathe around the knot in his throat, but nodded. He took the packs of snacks Buck handed him, then watched as Buck whirled around the aisles, looking for something. After about five minutes, Buck walked back around to Eddie, a jar in hand.

“Look! Queso. They also have queso blanco, but I’m pretty sure there’s still a jar in the cabinet, so you can have that if you want that.”

Eddie just stared at Buck.

Buck slightly wilted, grabbing the chips and chicharrónes back from Eddie in a barrage of crinkling. “And—and look. They have Red Vines. Chris loves Red Vines. And cheesy Pringles. And we can get him a few Snickers bars. Some jerky. Or maybe—”

Eddie grabbed Buck by the arm before he could flutter off back down the aisle to grab any more snacks, and reeled him in. Their lips collided just a little too roughly, teeth clicking together as he pulled Buck closer and licked at his bottom lip, savoring the taste of him.

Buck pulled away with a small pant, looking dazed as they parted. “Oh. We’re, uh—we’re doing that in public, now.”

Eddie looked around them, to the empty aisles and clear windows and the single, bored attendant looking the other way. “There’s no one here. Especially not anyone that knows us.”

“Right,” Buck said, and the packages of snacks and candy made a noise of protest as he clutched at them. “We still haven’t… exactly… talked about that. About what we’re going to do now that Christopher’s coming back. What we’re—what you want to tell him.”

“What we’re going to tell him,” Eddie agreed, pursing his lips. He grabbed two Fanta’s and a Coke Zero from the fridge behind him, then grabbed Buck by the wrist and pulled him towards cash register. Buck let all the snacks spill from his arms as Eddie got out his wallet, the bored guy behind the register snapping his gum all the while.

“Cash or card?” the guy asked.

Eddie tapped his card on the counter. “Card. And thirty on pump two. Diesel.”

“Got it.” Another pop of gum as Eddie paid. “Receipt?”

Eddie drew a tight lipped smile that felt only slightly bitchy. “No, thanks. But can we get a bag?”

Pop. “Bags are fifty cents.”

“What? Well, I—” Eddie rummaged through his wallet, but could only come up with a quarter and a dime. “Look, I don’t have fifty cents on me. Could I just please get a—”

Pop, pop. “Not allowed to give them for free. Sorry.”

Eddie clenched his fists together on the counter, distinctly feeling a vein in his forehead pulsing. “Right. Of course you can’t. Look—”

“Eddie, hey, I got it.” Buck scooped the snacks up into his arms, barely struggling with his big hands. “There. You grab the queso and the drinks. Come on, we’ve got a plane landing in twenty minutes.” Buck looked over to the guy across from the counter, who snapped his gum with another obnoxious pop. “Have a great day. Bye!”

He dragged Eddie out of the 7-Eleven by the scruff of his neck. Buck deposited the snacks on the back seat, before joining Eddie in the front.

Eddie’s forehead was against the steering wheel, eyes closed and jaw clenched.

“Uh… Eddie?”

Eddie let out a hum that sounded slightly strangled. Someone honked behind them to ease away from the pump.

“Maybe… pull forward?”

The following hum was slightly more agitated. Eddie thumped his forehead against the wheel. “What am I doing, Buck?” he mumbled.

“Uhm… hoarding pump two?”

Eddie looked up, unamused. “I meant with my life. I promised myself that I’d make a change after what happened with Christopher. That I’d pull myself together, no more—oh, asshole, can you stop honking, I’m moving—” Eddie pulled over to the parking spaces, put the car into a stall, and immediately started thumping his head against the wheel again. “No more selfish choices, Buck. I had to start living for Christopher, not putting him second ever again. And now...”

Buck frowned, hesitant. “And… now?”

Eddie rolled his head until his temple was against the wheel and he could open his eyes to look at Buck. “What have we done, Buck?”

“Kissed… a lot. Had sex. Three times. Said ‘I love you’ a few times too.” Buck chewed at his lip. “Mind blowing sex, in my opinion,” he added.

Eddie couldn’t help the small grin on his lips, and Buck’s entire face lightened and lifted, before Eddie went back to trying to knock some sense into himself against the steering wheel. “No. Buck, that’s my point. This. Us. Me and you, it feels like—like—”

“Like what?” Buck asked, voice small.

Eddie looked up at him again. “It feels like the best thing that’s happened to me since the birth of my son. Nothing can compare, except the love I have for Christopher.”

“Okay,” Buck said slowly, nodding. “Okay… I don’t… see how that’s a bad thing?”

Eddie groaned, falling backwards in his seat and staring up at the roof of the truck. “Because I don’t want to fuck this up, again. Any of it. What do I tell him? What do I tell my kid? ‘Oh, hey, welcome back to LA after I chased you off to Texas because of how bad I am at dating. I’m so glad we made up and I promised that you’ll always be my top priority and I won’t let anything get between us again. Oh, also, guess who I’m dating!’”

Buck cringed. “Maybe… don’t say it like that?”

“I’m not going to say any of that, Buck!” Eddie blurted out. “I—I can’t. I haven’t even—Chris doesn’t even know that I’m—I’m—”

Buck withered further. “Oh. Right.”

Silence fell between them. Eddie clenched his teeth so hard he thought they might shatter.

Buck reached out a hand, fingers brushed Eddie’s arm. “Eddie.” His voice was soft and gentle. Eddie’s heart bloomed toward it. “Look… you don’t have to tell him. We can just—we can pretend it never happened. Or we can—we can try the secret thing. When Christopher’s away, we’ll be more, and when he’s there, we’re just friends.”

Eddie’s voice was so small. “But you don’t deserve that, Buck. I would never do that to you. I could never keep you a secret. A few weeks of messing around until we were ready was different, but for the rest of my life? I would never do that. I want to give you everything...”

“…but you need to focus on Christopher,” Buck completed so Eddie didn’t have to.

Eddie nodded, tears right on the edges of his lashes. “Buck—I can’t lose him again. I can’t.”

“You’re right.” Buck steeled himself, straightening his shoulders.

Eddie just kept staring at him, their gaze unable to break. They meant everything to each other. Eddie couldn’t lose Buck, but he also couldn’t lose Christopher, and he didn’t want to show Christopher that he wasn’t putting his all into rebuilding their relationship. And he didn’t want to risk damaging Chris’ relationship with Buck.

Buck closed the distance between them, one of his large hands settling on the fine bristles on Eddie’s cheek before he pulled him in. Their mouths met, warm and dry, and Eddie almost let out a pathetic sound as Buck slotted their mouths together again, and again. It felt like the heat of an entire supernova was inside of Eddie’s chest, ready to burst out and consume the both of them whole.

All too soon, Buck pulled away. He didn’t go to far, tilting his face up to lay a soft, gentle kiss right between Eddie’s brows, before they completely parted.

Eddie could feel his eyes properly tearing up, now. He had so much love. He didn’t know what to do with it. “What was that for?”

Buck’s smile tasted like lemon on a split lip. “That was goodbye, Eddie. For now. You’re not the one doing this, I am.”

Eddie frowned. “Wh—”

“I need a break,” Buck stated, the words awfully flimsy. “We started dating literally a week ago, and you already want me to meet your kid? That’s a bit soon for me. And I’ve kind of got a lot going on right now, see, my godson’s coming back from Texas today and I kind of have to go grab him from the airport in—” Buck checked the time on the radio, and sucked in air through his teeth. “—ten minutes. I just don’t think I’ve got time in my life for a new relationship right now. Need to focus on my job, my godson, and this really awesome best friend I have that’s also a firefighter.” Buck tried a smile, but it was slightly pathetic. His voice was softer when he said, “That… okay?”

Eddie was on the brink of tears. He loved this stupid, adorable dork so much. “Just a break?” he asked.

Buck tilted his head, biting at the edge of his mouth. “Until we’re both ready to start again. If we’re both ready again, some day.”

“That… that sounds… okay,” Eddie agreed. “Are you okay with that?”

“I’ll always be here, Eddie.” Buck didn’t let go of the grip he had on his arm. “Whether we’re best friends or more. I will always be here, and I will love you for the rest of my life. You get to set the pace.”

“I don’t want to keep you on a string, Buck. You can move on, if you get tired of waiting for me.”

“I won’t,” Buck said, final. “But thank you. Now, can we please head to the airport. Christopher’s landing in five minutes and you still need to look for parking.”

Eddie sniffed, trying a smile, and said, “Yeah. Yeah, alright, I’m heading. We’re literally right next to the airport.”

“Parking, Eddie! You still need to look for parking!”

Eddie backed out of the parking space, rolling his eyes. “You’re so bossy.”

“And we still need to find his gate!”

Christopher seemed overjoyed to see the two of them again. He’d gotten so tall, Buck almost lost it right then and there as they huddled around Chris to hug him. Christopher squeezed so hard around Eddie’s neck, he thought they might both pass out.

“Buck!” Chris shouted as soon as he was done with Eddie, and Buck got squeezed, too.

Everything was okay. Even if Buck and Eddie couldn’t be together in the way they wanted, right now, Christopher was back. And that meant everything to Eddie.

Buck looked up at Eddie as Christopher had him in a chokehold, and Eddie smiled down at the two of them, his eyes happier than Buck’s seen in months. This was a special kind of smile, one only reserved for Chris. Buck thinks he has his own smile, too, only for him. He didn’t think he was going to see it again anytime soon, though.

“LA’s so much colder than Texas,” Christopher complained as they got outside, Eddie and Buck each pulling one of Christopher’s bags.

“Well, that’s cause it’s so much more north,” Buck said.

“And it’s turning into fall, bud,” Eddie added. “No place gets as hot as Texas in the summer.”

“Except the Sahara,” Chris corrected, and Eddie broke into a smile.

“Yeah, okay, the Sahara’s probably hotter. Hey, look, here’s the truck.”

“Yay!” Chris gave a small stomp with his crutches. “I’m so excited to go home. I’ve really missed the house.”

Buck could see the hopeful expression Eddie was trying to stamp down. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Buck held Chris’ crutches as Chris got himself into the backseat, buckling in.

“There’s no place like home,” Chris decided, when Buck and Eddie were settled in the front seats.

Eddie looked backward at Chris, grinning with all his teeth. “I’m… so glad to hear that, Chris.”

“I’ve really missed you, dad,” Chris said, before he squealed. “Look at all these snacks!”

Eddie turned back forward, easing out of the parking lot. His eyes were shining, just a little watery, as he let out a small laugh. “Yeah, Buck chose those for you. You like ‘em?”

“You got me Red Vines?! And Pringles?!”

“Sure did, bud. And we’re having nachos for dinner. That okay?”

“Nachos!”

Buck couldn’t tamp down his smile when Eddie looked over to him, both grinning like fools. Buck looked back towards Chris. “I’m so glad you’re back, Chris. We can finally beat your dad at Fortnite again.”

Chris grinned, peering at Buck over the rims of his glasses. “I found a new game, Buck. It’s called Five Nights at Freddy’s. I can’t wait to show you how to play.”

“Me neither, kid.”

They made it home just as Chris exclaimed, “I’m starving!”

Buck got the beef and beans ready as Chris grated the cheese for them, Eddie throwing a bunch of chips onto their plates before handing them to Buck to top with protein.

“Are you excited to see Carla again?” Buck asked, chattering away with Chris all the while. “And Harry? And all your other friends at school? I’m sure they’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve talked to some of them on Discord. But yeah, I’m excited.”

“You’ve talked to them on what?” Eddie asked.

“Discord,” Chris said.

“Since when have you had this—disco, whatever.”

Chris happily accepted his loaded plate from Buck, and started smothering it with queso. “Since last year.”

“Buck, help me out here, what’s… concord?”

“Discord,” Buck corrected, getting a laugh from Chris. “And it’s like… a chat site. To talk to people.”

“Like—strangers?” Eddie looked like he was going to have a heart attack.

Buck and Chris grinned at each other.

“You’re so old, dad,” Chris said.

Buck shook his head. “You’ve gotta be friends to chat on there. It’s like WhatsApp. Or Snapchat.”

Eddie squinted at him. “I don’t know what either of those are.”

Chris broke into a fit of giggles, collapsing onto the sofa with his stash of nachos as Buck and Eddie settled on either side of him. Buck couldn’t help but laugh either. “You’re hopeless,” Buck gasped out, getting an elbow to the ribs as Christopher sidled up against his side.

“Hopeless,” Chris agreed, and there was no more talking as the three of them devoured their nachos and went back for seconds, Die Hard playing in the background as Chris told them all about the friends he’d made back in Texas and how much he hated chess.

When Chris eventually went to bed, Buck and Eddie grabbed themselves some beers, and to their credit, it was only a little awkward.

Their knees were barely brushing, not even touching, but Buck could feel the heat radiating from Eddie like a magnetic pull. He kept looking at Eddie and tried not to think about what he tasted like, or the small whimpering sounds he’d made the first time he’d slid into Buck. He tried not to remember the image of Eddie lust-drunk, sweaty, on top of him.

“Ha,” Eddie said, sinking back into the cushions, knee brushing against Buck’s again. “I still can’t believe he’s finally back.” Eddie rolled his head around to look Buck in the eye. “How about you?”

Buck couldn’t stop thinking about how close they were, and yet so far. “Yeah,” he said, trying to make the word sound genuine. His lips curled around the lip of his beer, before he said, “Me neither.”

Eddie tipped his head back to take a long draw, and Buck couldn’t possibly draw his eyes away from where lips met bottle. A small flash of tongue as Eddie licked his lip.

This was impossible.

But Buck had made this bed. He’d promised to be patient. He could do this.

“Are we… okay?” Eddie asked, and Buck’s eyes snapped back up.

He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, Eds.” Buck rolled his bottle between his hands. “We’re okay. We’ll always be.”

“Okay, good. Good.” Eddie leaned a little closer, still looking giddy on the happiness of having his son back. “I… I just want us to be okay.”

Buck wanted to reach out, to pat Eddie’s leg or arm, rest his fingers there and feel the warmth, but he stopped himself before he did. Where were the boundaries, now? They’d always been touchy, even before everything else had happened, but did it mean more, now? Would Eddie interpret it differently? Buck clenched his fingers together in his lap, deciding that it was better to stop touching Eddie altogether, for now. It was for the best, while they’d agreed to be friends. Once Buck started, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“I—I’m gonna go,” Buck decided abruptly, because he was going to drive himself insane.

Eddie’s eyes widened, lips curling into something like a pout. “What?”

“I’m just—really—” Buck cut the word off with a yawn, hoping Eddie couldn’t tell the difference between his real yawns. “—tired. It was a really long day, and I have a shift tomorrow, and then we’ll have a shift together on Friday, so.”

“Do you want to do beers and pizza on Friday? You know Chris is going to ask you to play that new game he's excited about.” Eddie’s eyes were so big. Buck’s never seen anything more beautiful than the man in front of him.

“Yeah,” he agreed, but it came out faint. “We can do that. Like old times.”

“Yeah. Like it always was.”

Buck nodded, tried a smile, gave up and dropped it. “Yeah,” he agreed. He put his still-full beer on the table, grabbing his keys. He murmured, completely to himself as he grabbed his coat, “Like it always was.”

Eddie followed on his heels as Buck went out and walked to his car, shucking his jacket on. Just get home, Buckley, and you can have your breakdown there.

“Buck?” Eddie called after him. It took all of Buck’s willpower not to whirl around right there, grab Eddie by the lapels, and kiss him senseless against the Jeep.

Instead, he opened the door and turned around calmly, plastering on a smile. “Yeah, Eddie?”

“You… you okay to drive? You could always sleep over, if you wanted.”

Buck had slept over last night, right after Eddie had fucked him so hard he’d seen stars. Buck could still feel his muscles protest in places that didn’t often get used every time he moved a little too quickly or sat down. If Buck slept over, there’s not a chance he’d keep his promise to Eddie. Buck had to learn patience.

It would get easier with time.

It had to.

“No, I… I don’t think so. Not tonight. But thanks, Eds.” Buck’s smile got more lopsided as Eddie got closer. “I literally had one sip of beer. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure? Chris would probably love it. We could do breakfast tacos in the morning, and watch movies before you had to get ready for shift, and we could…” Eddie trailed off as Buck kept staring at him. Buck was sure his face was pleading by now. Pleading for Eddie to stop talking, to stop suggesting everything that Buck wanted, but had to refuse. They were back to best friends, but Buck was going to have to relearn where that line used to be. “Oh,” Eddie said, as if he finally realized how unbearable a sleepover would be. “Or… never mind. We’ll do it some other time. You’re right, you’ve got a shift tomorrow.”

“I want to,” Buck whispered, and Eddie was barely a foot away, so he knew he could hear him. “I want… so many things, Eddie. But most of all, I want to stand by what we said this morning.”

Eddie nodded, slowly, eyes filled with a very strange kind of longing. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

“Which means I need to go home,” Buck finished, voice still quiet. He tried a smile, but it wavered. There was nothing he wanted more, in that moment, than to close the foot of space between them and devour Eddie whole. Instead, he got into his Jeep, and rolled the window down. “Goodnight, Eds. I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Goodnight, Buck,” Eddie whispered.

Buck started the engine, and went home. Alone.

Why had they thought either of them could do this?

Chapter Text

This is… horrible, isn’t it?

Buck checked his phone, only a little surprised that the text was from Eddie. He yawned, wiping a hand down his face and the sleep out of his eyes, kicking at the blankets tangled around his legs. His shift wasn’t until twelve, and it was only… nine thirty in the morning.  

Eddie wasn’t going to be on shift, today. He was off with Chris until Friday, and as far as Buck knew, the plans for today were to go hang out at the mall, do some back-to-school shopping, and let Chris have some fun at the arcade. They were going to have a great time. Eddie was the best dad ever.

Buck’s heart ached a little bit as he texted back.

 does it help if we acknowledge it?

or does it just make it worse?

There was a few minutes of silence before Eddie responded. Buck thumped his head back into his pillow and groaned before he checked it.

Well… acknowledging it probably isn’t going to make it better.

But when something like this happens, the person I’d usually talk to about it is… you.

You, at least, have Maddie.

Who can I commiserate with?

uhm excuse me

 I didn’t tell Maddie

remember?

didn’t tell anyone

Oh. Right.

I’m sorry, Buck.

Of course you can tell Maddie, if you want. You can tell whoever you want.

Just…. Maybe lay off Chimney, for now?

right

idk about telling Maddie yet

she wouldn’t understand

She has Jee, Buck.

I’m sure she would.

But she’s your sister, and you can do whatever you want.

I just wanted to make sure you knew you didn’t have to keep this whole thing a secret. I just don’t want Chris to know, right now. Not yet.

yeah I know, eds

don’t worry about it

none of this is your fault

But it’s still horrible.

And I’m still sorry.

Buck got fed up, and dialled. It was only a few rings before Eddie picked up.

“Buck?”

“Will you stop apologizing?”

There was a moment of shocked silence from Eddie. “Uhm… what?”

“You. With your… ‘I’m still sorry’ texts. I told you we’re on a break, didn’t I?”

“You only did that because—”

“I am an adult with free will, Eddie. Don’t tell me why I do or don’t do things.”

Another beat of silence. Eddie huffed out a puff of air that sounded almost like a laugh. “Jeez, Buck. You can be kind of scary when you want to be.”

“Really?”

“Well… no. Maybe if they didn’t know you, but that was basically the equivalent of a golden retriever puppy barking at me.”

“Eddie.”

“How was that an insult?! Puppies are adorable!”

“You’re impossible.” Buck couldn’t help but grin, biting at his bottom lip. He could hear rustling and Chris’ voice in the background. “Getting ready to go to the mall?”

Eddie sounded preoccupied. “Uh—yeah. Chris needs some new shoes and a backpack. His old one’s still got Minecraft on it, and apparently that’s… old news. He needs some clothes, too— the ones he’d left here don’t fit him anymore.”

Buck let out a soft whistle. “Wow. That’s—kinda scary. I can’t believe he’s growing up this fast.”

“He’s going through a growth spurt, I’m pretty sure. He’s been eating like a little sinkhole. And I—” There were some sounds of scuttling on the line, and then a curse from Eddie. “—just burned our toast.”

Buck couldn’t help his small laugh. “Just get something at the mall.”

“We were going to have lunch at the mall, but—yeah. Okay. Maybe we’ll do brunch, instead.” There was some more shuffling, and then Chris’ voice on the line.

“Hey, Buck!”

Buck’s smile got impossibly wider. “Hey, Chris! How was your first sleep back in your old bed?”

“Great! My mattress in Texas was so… lumpy. Are you coming with us to the mall today?”

“No, sorry, bud. I got a shift, today.”

“Can you come over after?”

“It’s starts at noon, so it won’t finish until midnight. Sorry, bud.”

“Okay.” Chris sounded dejected. “Well… how about…”

“Hey, how about I come over on Friday?” Buck suggested, knowing he and Eddie had already talked about it. “Me and your dad are in early, so we should be home around six or seven.”

“Can we do pancakes on Saturday morning?”

Chris automatically assumed Buck would be sleeping over. Of course he did. Buck always slept over if he came over after shifts. “Uh… yeah, sure, bud. If it’s okay with your dad?”

“That’s… fine with me,” Eddie said, then to Chris, “Hey, did you brush your teeth? Thought so. Go clean those rocks.” There was a moment of quiet, the sound of Chris’ crutches, before Eddie spoke again. “Hey, Buck… would you be okay with a sleepover on Friday? You don’t have to feel pressured just because—”

“Eddie. We’re going back to how things used to be, right?” Buck didn’t wait for an answer. “This was how things used to be. I used to sleep over all the time. I’m sure we can handle this, right? We’re both adults.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” Eddie sounded resigned. “All right, Chris isn’t going to stop talking about Friday, now. He’s missed you a lot, Buck. Won’t stop asking about you.”

“He’s missed you too, Eddie. The way his eyes lit up when he saw you at the airport. You’re the best dad in the world, and he knows it. That kid’s not going anywhere again anytime soon.”

“Mhm, I doubt that. It’ll wear off in a week, and then he’ll start talking about having sleepovers with Denny every weekend again.”

Buck let out a small laugh. “Well, enjoy it while it lasts, then. I should probably start getting ready for my shift.” Buck yawned again. “Or… I guess a small nap wouldn’t hurt.”

Eddie echoed Buck’s laugh with a small puff of amused air. “Good luck with your shift, Buck. Say hey to the team for me.”

“Yeah, I will. Have fun with Chris, today.”

“Thanks. Bye, I—”

There was a string of sharp tension over the line as Eddie bit the rest of the words off. It had sounded like it was going to finish with –love you.

Buck swallowed, feeling like his entire chest was going to pull together and collapse, crushing his heart with it. “Yeah. Yeah, me too. Bye, Eddie.”

Buck ended the call before either of them could say anything else. This was going to suck. Buck didn’t know how long he could do this for.

He turned his screen back on and flipped through his texts, opening his chat with Maddie.

hey. do you think we can do lunch tomorrow?

Hey Buck

Yeah, we can. Something going on?

I’ll tell you about it tomorrow

maybe

?

Okay. Cryptic.

You wanna do lunch at dispatch or should I meet you at the little café on the corner?

I’ll meet you at dispatch

and I’ll bring food

you happy with chinese?

That sounds awesome

Extra spring rolls please 😊

Hen cornered him in the lockers before shift.

“What’s wrong with you?"

Buck startled so hard he almost got a knuckle through the eye. He finished buttoning up his shirt, before he turned around with a strained smile. “Hey… Hen. How was your weekend?”

“I saw you on Sunday. And you were acting all jumpy, too, but that was a different kind of weird.” She eyed Buck critically. “Didn’t you guys pick up Chris from the airport, yesterday?”

Buck barely stifled a sigh, putting on his suspenders. “Yeah, yeah we did.”

“Well, then, what’s wrong? You should be overjoyed, overexcited in typical Buck fashion, not all… mopey.”

“I’m not mopey—”

“Yeah, you are,” Chim chipped in, coming in and stashing his bag in his locker. “You came in just now with the worst hangdog expression I’ve ever seen. What’s got Buck all down, Buck?”

“Will you two stop hounding me?” Buck shut his locker behind him, turning his back to them. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Cap! Talk to Buck! Something’s wrong!” Chim tattled, shouting out of the door to Bobby.

Buck rolled his eyes and shucked his shoulders in annoyance, pushing past the both of them to get out of the locker room. Everything was wrong, but he couldn’t tell them that.

Cap caught him on his way up the stairs to the loft.

“Buck?” Bobby frowned, his hand on Buck’s arm. “Hey, kid, you okay? I heard Chimney shouting about something.”

“No, he was sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. Everything’s fine, thanks Bobby.”

Bobby didn’t look like he believed him, but he let it go. “How’s Christopher? He settle in alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Him and Eddie are shopping for some back-to-school stuff today. Jeez, I can’t believe it’s Chris’ last year of middle school this year.”

Bobby shook his head with a smile. “That’s the way it goes, kid. Kids grow up in the blink of an eye.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to realize that.” Buck tried his own smile, but it felt frail and awkward.

Bobby’s gaze was too sharp for Buck’s liking. He looked like he could see right through him. “Alright. Buck, you know you can come talk to me if something is up, though, right?”

“Yeah, Cap. I know.” Buck ducked his head. “Thanks. I’ll be—I’ll be up in the loft.”

“Don’t forget you're helping me with dinner today!” Bobby shouted up after him.

Hen and Chim pestered him for the rest of the day, with even Ravi and some of B-shift asking him if he was alright. Ravi seemed to make himself scarce when they weren’t out on a call, and when Bobby paired them up together in the absence of Eddie, Ravi had to suffer under Buck’s bad temper.

The entire shift was, overall, a nightmare. Mostly for Ravi.

Buck went home and immediately went to bed, wishing that the exhaustion of a twelve hour shift would shut off his loud and dissonant mind.

It didn’t.

All Buck could think about was Eddie, and how cold and empty his bed was.

Maddie hugged Buck so tightly he thought his eyes might pop out of his skull. She always got more affectionate when she was pregnant, Buck’s realized, especially in her second trimester.

“Hey, Buck.” She smiled at him, teeth glittering underneath the fluorescents of the break room. They claimed the white table in the corner, Buck handing her the bag with her food. “Thanks so much for lunch, Buck. Ooh, spring rolls. Thank you.”

“There’s also some green curry and a fortune cookie, somewhere.”

“Ugh, I miss sushi. I love sushi.”

Buck grinned at her as she devoured the first half of her spring roll, then ate the rest of it with a little more manners.

She rolled her eyes and wiped her mouth. “I’m hungry. Leave me alone.” She took another bite, chewing thoughtfully, before she said, “And... not that I don’t enjoy doing lunch with you, but this was a little… sudden. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, no…” Buck’s voice slowly trailed off. Maddie watched him with big, patient brown eyes, chewing on her veggie spring rolls. Finally, Buck sighed. “It’s about Eddie.”

“When is it not,” Maddie muttered, and Buck’s face skewed into a frown. She bit at her bottom lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Continue.”

Buck hesitated, fussing with the container of his wonton soup. “No, no, never mind—”

“Buck.” Maddie’s voice was brooking on exasperation. “Look, whatever it is, you can tell me. If you want to. Maybe I can give you some advice, or just be a sounding board to work out whatever the issue is. Is it another secret or something you’re keeping from him?”

“Uhm… no. No, not exactly.” Buck swam his spoon through his soup, not really hungry. “It’s actually… a secret from you guys. Kind of.”

“Oh.” Maddie’s voice had been three octaves too high.

Buck snapped his head up. “What’s that mean?”

“What? Nothing.” Maddie stared down at her green curry, suddenly extremely interested in it.

Buck squinted at her. “What was that ‘oh’?”

“It was…” Maddie shrugged, refusing to make eye contact. “Just, y’know. Oh. Oh, okay, interesting, go on with your… story.”

Buck just stared at her, but after a minute of silence, she didn’t elaborate. He sighed, squared his shoulders. “Fine. Okay, remember when I went to that pride thing with Ravi?”

“You mean the gay club?” Maddie asked with one raised brow.

“Well, it wasn’t technically a gay club, it was just pride night.” Buck shrugged. “Anyway. Me and Ravi had gone out, I’d gotten… a little too drunk, and I kind of forgot that I’d moved out of the house.”

“Oh no.” Maddie’s eyes were wide as she let out a small, mortified laugh. “Please tell me you didn’t drunkenly show up on Eddie’s porch.”

Buck nodded, unable to hide his small grin. He remembered small bits and pieces of that night, most of it a drunken blur, but he remembers Eddie. “Yeah, I did. And I said some things I… definitely shouldn’t have.”

“No. Did you guys get in a fight?” Maddie’s face twisted into a sympathetic pout. “Aw, Buck, and now you’re trying to think of how to make up with him?”

“Let me finish,” Buck grumbled. “I said some things I shouldn’t have. About… about Tommy. And my… feelings.”

Maddie’s pout turned into a frown. “Please don’t tell me Eddie took Tommy’s side.”

“Will you stop interrupting?”

“Sorry. Sorry, continue.”

“I… Maddie, I need you to promise not to tell Chimney. Swear it to me.”

Maddie’s eyes widened a little, but she ducked her head. “Okay. Yeah, fine, I promise not to tell Chim.”

“Pinky promise.”

Maddie very obviously held back an eyeroll, before she hooked their fingers. “Pinky promise. C’mon, just spit it out, you’re scaring me.”

“Okay, fine. I was drunk, and I brought up my ex, and Eddie got annoyed because he, like, despises Tommy now for some reason, and then I finally admitted that the only reason I actually dated Tommy was because I was trying to hide my feelings for Eddie.”

Buck blurted out the last part like a revelation, expecting Maddie to gasp or gawk or make a scene.

Instead, Maddie’s big brown eyes just softened in some kind of understanding, and she nodded. “Okay. And then?”

Buck frowned, floored. “What do you mean and then?” He widened his eyes, begging Maddie to understand. “Maddie, I have feelings for Eddie!”

“Yeah,” Maddie said slowly, her words gentle. “I know, Buck. But thank you for telling me. Are you okay?”

“Am I—since when the hell did you know?”

“Well…” Maddie sat back in her chair, her fingers working as if she was working out the dates. “I kind of started suspecting there were serious feelings involved after Eddie got caught in that mudslide-thing. But—I mean, honestly? From the moment you mentioned him, it sounded like you had a crush. And the first time I saw you guys together—the way you looked at him—” Maddie smacked her tongue against her teeth. “It was kind of obvious, Buck.”

Buck felt like he’d been slapped through the face. “I’m—it’s never been obvious to me.”

“Apparently it’s also never been obvious to Eddie.” Maddie gave a small, sympathetic hum, before digging back into her curry. “Ooh, this is really good. Is this that place on Madison?”

“No, it’s the one on—stop trying to change the subject.”

“I was being serious, Chim loves green curry—”

“Maddie.”

“Right. Right, sorry.” Maddie put down her spoon and took a sip of water. “Okay. You drunkenly confessed to Eddie. How did he react?”

“He… tucked me in on his couch and I fell asleep.”

“Aw, that was sweet of him.” Maddie took another bite of curry. Buck chomped on a wonton. “What then?”

Buck swallowed, licking his lips, throat suddenly parched. “Well… then we… talked it out.”

Maddie eyes were wide, her brows drawn up. “Aww, did Eddie say he felt the same way?”

Buck felt every inch of his blood rush to his cheeks. “Not, uh—” He cleared his throat. “Not in as many words.”

“Oh. Oh. Okay, uhm… ew. But I’m so happy for you guys! Finally!” Maddie’s smile was so wide, there was no doubt that it was genuine. “So, you’re… keeping it to yourselves, for now,” Maddie continued, still grinning and eating spoonfuls of her curry. “That’s understandable. Not as much pressure. How’re you going to break it to Chris, though?”

Buck's throat felt like he'd had a hot poker shoved down it. 

At his silence, Maddie's happy expression slowly melted into a quizzical one. "What? I interrupted too soon, again, didn't I? What's the rest of the story?" 

Buck tried to swallow, and it felt like sucking down needles. He cleared his throat, stole Maddie's water bottle and downed half of it, before he finally got his voice back. "We, uh... everything was great. Perfect." Buck stared down at his soup, barely seeing it through the haze of barely contained tears. "And then it all fell apart. Chris was coming home, and Eddie is such a good dad, and he has to focus on Christopher first, obviously, their relationship only just got repaired, so we—we—”

“Oh, no.” Maddie’s voice was so soft and gentle, barely a whisper as she reached out her hand and covered Buck’s. Her fingers wrapped around his knuckles and gave a squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Buck. Are you… have you talked, since? You and Eddie, I mean.”

Buck tried to swallow down what emotion he could, blinking away the moisture until he could look up at Maddie and see her features clearly. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, we’ve… we’ve been talking. It’s all pretty—painless.”

Maddie raised a single, dark brow. “That wasn’t very convincing.”

“No—okay, not… not painless. Amicable, I guess. We decided to go back to how everything was, when Chris was still here. I’m actually—” Buck let out a small laugh at the cruel irony of it all. “—I’m going to Eddie’s place, tomorrow. A Friday movie night and sleepover with Chris and Eddie. Like always.”

Maddie’s face was a picture of sympathy. “Oh… Buck.”

“I know. I know, I’m so—stupid. Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? Huh? This—all of this—it’s my own, stupid fault.”

“Hey, you are not stupid, Evan Buckley.” Maddie sounded strict, even going so far as to point her free hand at him. “And second of all, none of this is your fault. From my perspective, you were in love with Eddie way before you were even best friends. And, even though I don’t know Eddie that well, I’m willing to bet he’s in the same boat. This is not your fault.”

Buck swallowed again, willing away the thornbush of emotions in his throat as he nodded underneath Maddie’s stern gaze.

“Third of all, this can’t go on like this forever.” Maddie frowned at him, and Buck ducked his head to get his eyes away from her strict expression. “Look at what this is doing to you, Buck. You and Eddie—you’re meant for each other, in every way possible. You’re best friends, you’re partners at work, you co-parent a kid, and you finally got over the last hurdle from platonic to romantic. Something’s going to give.”

Buck nodded down at his soup. “I know. I… I just don’t know what to do, Mads.”

“Well, how I see it, you have two options: either, you decide to break it off completely, for your own peace of mind and heart. If you can’t have Eddie in the way you want, then don’t have it at all, if it’s hurting you.”

Buck’s heart gave a small jump in panic. His throat closed up at the idea of not knowing Eddie, even as just a friend. Even as just an acquaintance, or a passerby. Even if Buck could just hide around street corners to catch a glimpse of Eddie every day, he’d be content, but anything other than not knowing Eddie at all.

Thankfully, Maddie continued with option two: “Or… you play the long game. Eddie’s made his boundaries clear, he needs to focus on rebuilding his relationship with his son before he’ll consider having what he wants, so you’ll need to accept and abide by that. And if you can’t do that… then you tell Eddie, and you go back to option one.”

“I… I can’t not have Eddie in my life,” Buck choked out.

Maddie’s face was still gentle when she nodded. “Then you’ll have to abide by the boundaries he set, and play the long game. One day, his relationship with Chris will be back to where it used to be, and he’ll be ready for this. You only need to ask yourself if you’re willing to wait that long.”

Buck thought of how torturous it was to have Eddie, but not have all of him, even after having gotten the smallest taste.

Buck thought of not having Eddie at all, and felt a small shiver of dread roll through his spine.

“I’d wait as long as I have to,” Buck decided quietly. “I’d wait forever.”

The edge of Maddie’s mouth pinched into a small smile. “Well, then, that’s your choice. The long game.”

“The long game,” Buck agreed, clenching his hands together. “I’m just going to play the long game.”

Eventually, Friday had to come around.

“Eddie!” Chim slapped him on the back, handing him a cup of coffee that looked a little lighter than Eddie usually drank it, but Eddie took it gratefully all the same. “How’s it feel to have a full nest again?”

“Ah, great.” Eddie’s smile was bright. “Chris has been settling in so well. He’s actually excited for school.”

“Was it hard to have to leave him today?” Hen asked, leaning forward in her seat. She elbowed Buck to play his turn.

“I mean… for me, yeah. But Chris couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He wanted his Carla time.”

Buck put down a plus two, getting a grumble from Chimney. Chim picked up two cards as Eddie put down a red nine. Hen hummed, sorting through her cards. “Denny hasn’t stopped talking about Chris being back. They’ve apparently been texting about some kind of… sleepover?”

Eddie sighed. “Of course they have. That was fast.”

Hen smiled, clutching a hand at Eddie’s shoulder empathetically. “They’re growing up, Eddie. And the kids have missed Chris. We can arrange something whenever you want, maybe we can do that weekend-on, weekend-off thing again. Karen loved that.”

Chim frowned, eyes bouncing between the two of them. “What's that? And how do we get involved?”

Buck couldn’t help himself but to let out a small laugh. Chim looked back at him, and he explained, “Last summer, the kids had a sleepover every fortnight, switching between Eddie’s and Hen and Karen’s.”

“Ah!” Chim’s eyes widened. “That’s brilliant. And then you guys get at least a weekend to yourselves every month. How do me and Maddie sign up?”

Hen sucked in air through her teeth, placing a blue four on the stack. “Chim… we all love Jee-yun, you know that… but what’s she going to do at a sleepover with two thirteen-year-old boys? Also, Uno.”

Chim frowned, putting down a yellow six. “What about Mara?”

Eddie shrugged. “She always settles in Chris’ room with a book and kicks the boys out to sleep on the couches.”

“Aw, man, c’mon!” Chim’s eyes were pleading, now. Buck couldn’t hold back his grin. “Me and Maddie need more weekends to ourselves. Can’t you and Buck just take her too when the house is full of kids, anyway? C’mon, she’s your niece.” Chim swung his gaze between Buck and Eddie, and he’d spoken so easily, like Buck and Eddie were just to be automatically assumed as Buck and Eddie.

Buck swallowed, his chest suddenly three sizes too small to bring in air.

Eddie cleared his throat, avoiding Buck’s eyes.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, just a little too low. “I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“Breakfast’s up!” Bobby announced, dragging the four of them up from the couches and into the sitting area.

Hen grinned. “Just in time, because I just beat all your asses at Uno.”

Ravi and a few others came up the stairs, all looking ravenous at the idea of food. The entire loft smelled delicious.

Bobby pulled a dish from the oven with gloved hands, putting it in the middle of the table with a flourish, apron flapping as everyone handed plates and cutlery around. “Breakfast casserole. Hope no one minds potatoes, bacon, and cheesy eggs for breakfast.”

Everyone immediately tucked in, moaning and groaning about how good Bobby’s cooking was. Buck and Eddie had somehow ended up next to each other in the flurry of grabbing chairs to get to the food, and with each scrape of their forks, their elbows brushed and bumped. Their knees were pressed up together underneath the table, a hot point of contact that neither of them seemed to want to pull away.

And so it went.

Bobby paired them up on calls, like always, and every time Buck heard their names together some small thrill ran down his spine, before a settling dread ran over it. An ache had settled just beneath his sternum, in the place he’d always thought of as Eddie’s.

Their shift ran a little long as their final call included a six-car pile-up, that luckily only included a lot of bitching about insurance and two possible concussions, but no actual horrific injuries. When they got back to the station, the entire crew was silent as they gave over to B-shift and went to the changing room, a bone-deep exhaustion embedded in all of them.

Eddie tapped Buck on the shoulder right as Buck grabbed the last of his stuff from his locker. Buck closed his eyes, taking a short, deep breath, before he closed his locker door with a soft clang and turned to face Eddie. He tried his best to muster a friendly expression that didn’t show the longing seeping through his very being. “Yeah?”

Eddie looked unsure. “I, uh… wanted to ask if you wanted to trail behind me. Or if you were going to go to your new apartment first, and then…” Eddie bit off his words, dragging a hand down the back of his neck. He looked around, and Buck realized they were the last ones left in the locker room. “Never mind. We’re both tired, Chris’ll understand. I’ll tell him you’ll see him next week, all right?”

Buck grabbed Eddie’s arm before Eddie could flee, relishing the feeling of Eddie’s skin underneath the pads of his fingers. “Hey, wait.”

Eddie swallowed, staring at Buck.

“We’re both adults, right?” Buck asked, getting a frown and a hesitant nod from Eddie. “And we’re best friends, and we’ve been best friends for coming on eight years, now. We’re not going to let a little awkwardness ruin us, are we?”

“Buck, this whole… situation…”

Buck’s entire face darkened as his heart gave a cramped squeeze. “Don’t you dare say the word ‘mistake’.”

Eddie looked affronted. “No. No. It’s not… It was not a mistake. You could never be a mistake, Buck, that’s not what I meant. Just—this whole thing is so unfair, towards you. And the entire reason I broke it off—”

“I broke it off.”

“—was because I didn’t want to ruin my relationship with Chris, not while it’s still this fragile. But I also won’t let it ruin his relationship with you.”

Buck stood back, mouth dry, heart beating a wild rampage against the inside of his ribs. “Oh.” Eddie always seemed to be so kind. “Right. Yeah, well, I won’t let it, Eddie. I love that kid, you know that.” Eddie still looked a little unsure, but Buck was so sure, now. The long game. They could make this work. Eddie was still thinking of him, and all of this had really been about Chris, hadn’t it? Buck gave Eddie a small smile. “Now, come on. I am starving. Tell you what, I’m gonna go grab some pyjamas from my apartment, and then I’ll pick up some pizzas on the way to yours. It’ll be like old times.”

“You don’t need to get pyjamas, you can just get a pair of mine,” Eddie offered, also looking slightly more upbeat, before he blanched. “Or… maybe not.”

Buck, wearing Eddie’s sweatpants and a shirt that smelled just like him. Buck’s smile turned a little skittish. “Yeah, maybe not. But it’s fine. I’ll meet you at the house.”

“All right.” Eddie slapped him on the shoulder, and for all intents and purposes, everything felt like it always had again. Except that Buck’s entire mind revolved around the warm, fleeting contact of Eddie’s hand, the brush of thumb just above his collar, the flutter of skin against skin. “I’ll see you at the house.”

Buck was so, utterly, fucked.

Chapter Text

“Buck!”

Buck’s smile was so wide he thought his cheeks might split. He lifted Chris up with a small grunt into a hug, then put him back down gently. “Oh my goodness, you are getting so heavy.”

“And tall!” Chris boasted, getting his crutches back underneath him. “I was taller than my cousins down in El Paso.”

“That’s so cool! Hey, here, you wanna go grab us some plates and I’ll take the pizza to the living room?”

Chris nodded, eager, all his teeth showing in a wonderfully bright grin. “Sure. Did you get pepperoni?”

“When have I ever not gotten pepperoni?”

“Just checking!” Christopher went to the kitchen, shouting out for Eddie that Buck was here.

Eddie came out of the hallway, his hair damp and his skin still flushed from a shower. Buck felt his knees go weak. All he wanted was to bury his fingers in Eddie’s hair, drag his nails over his scalp and trace the small droplet of water he could see drip into Eddie’s collar.

Fuck.

“Hey, Buck.” Eddie grinned, running his towel over his hair. “I just got out, but if you wanted to go grab a shower—”

“I took one at the apartment, but thanks.” Buck tried to echo Eddie’s grin. “I am… all ready for a movie night.”

“A quick one. I don’t know about you, but it feels like a bus ran over me.”

“Yeah, today was rough.”

“How many calls did you guys get?” Chris asked, coming back into the room with three paper plates. He handed them over to Buck and Eddie, before he hopped onto the couch cushion and threw his crutches down just a little too carelessly. He was obviously overjoyed that they were all having a Friday night sleepover like old times.

“Eleven,” Buck said, letting out a groan as he sunk down into the couch next Chris, his vertebrae all sinking and clacking back into line. “Which is double what we usually get on a twelve. Did you enjoy your day with Carla?”

“Yes!” Chris leaned forward, snagging a slice of pizza carefully on his paper plate, before chewing happily. “Carla thinks I got a tan while I was in Texas.”

Buck eyed Chris critically. “Oh, wow, yeah. I think you did.”

Chris grinned.

“But, you know, you can tan here in LA, too,” Buck told him conspiratorially. “And we have better beaches.”

“I know,” Chris said back, voice lowered to match Buck. “LA is much better than Texas.”

Buck couldn’t help but grin as they sunk back into the cushions, Eddie coming around and handing Buck an opened beer, eyeing them. “Hey, what’re you two gossiping about?”

“Nothing,” Chris said with a devious little smile.

“Chris was just telling me about his day, that’s all,” Buck answered innocently, unable to hide the way the edge of his mouth wouldn’t go down even as he curled his lips around the beer.

They devoured the pizzas, Buck and Eddie going through two beers each and all of them watching most of Nimona before Chris nodded off with his head against Buck’s shoulder. Eddie scooped him up and carried him to bed, turning off the lights in the hallway and shutting Chris’ door. Buck listened to the soft patter of Eddie’s bare feet down the hall, his pulse picking up just a little bit as Eddie came back into the living room.

Eddie’s hair had dried, curling around the edges in dark swoops, strands falling into his eyes. Buck wanted to reach out and feel it between his fingers. He wanted to sink down right here on the couch and give Eddie an open invitation to do whatever he wanted with him.

The long game, Buck tried to remember.

It all seemed so far away, here, in the dim light of Eddie’s living room with the TV just a flickering haze. Buck had to remind himself Christopher, this is for Chris, Chris has to be Eddie’s number one priority, just so he didn’t do something rash like drag Eddie to his room, lock the door, and beg for Eddie to fuck him.

Eddie’s patter went over to the kitchen, and then came back, handing Buck another beer just as Buck’s mind reminded him of how good it had felt the first time Eddie had slid inside him.

Fuck. Down boy.

Eddie settled back into the couch right next to him. There was a web of tension between them that Buck knew he wasn’t imagining. A small whisper at the back of his mind tried to convince him that he wasn’t the only one remembering what it had felt like to be that close, if the dark glint in Eddie’s eyes was anything to go by.

Buck swallowed, and looked away.

“You can have the room, tonight,” Eddie murmured, voice so low it went straight to Buck’s dick. “I don’t mind sleeping on the couch. And I’ll probably be up first.”

Buck cleared his throat, trying to make sure his voice came out even. “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll take the couch. I like your couches, anyway.”

“You don’t have to worry about me coming into the bedroom in the middle of the night because I can’t control myself, or something,” Eddie said, but it was practically a whisper.

Buck’s mouth filled with saliva. “It’s not you I’m worried about.”

Eddie’s eyes snapped up, and their gazes met just as Buck turned his head, and it was over.

It was impossible to tell who moved first, but it was barely a second before they collided into each other with the distant clack of teeth as their mouths met. Eddie kissed like he was trying to devour him, immediately taking control and pushing Buck back into the cushions to crawl over him.

Eddie’s hand cradled the back of Buck’s skull, nails dragging shivers against his scalp as he nipped and licked at Buck’s bottom lip. Eddie bit just a little too hard, a sharp, small prick of pain that went directly to Buck’s cock.

“Fuck.” It was soft, underneath Buck’s breath, accompanied by a moan he couldn’t quite manage to bite back.

Eddie seemed spurred on by this, licking further into Buck’s mouth, straddling Buck’s hips. Buck couldn’t hide his erection when their hips ground together seemingly by powers beyond their control, but it was no issue, because Eddie’s own dick was straining against his sleep pants.

They ground together lightly, Eddie letting out a soft groan into Buck’s mouth, before Eddie seemed to get himself back under control. He pulled himself away from Buck, giving a final, soft kiss to the corner of Buck’s lips, before he turned his head and buried his face into Buck’s throat.

Eddie’s hot breath panted over the thin skin, and Buck was sure Eddie could feel the pulse jumping wildly at the crook of his jaw.

“Shit,” Eddie breathed out, when he seemed to have gotten some air back in his lungs. “Shit, that was… irresponsible.”

Buck crooked an eyebrow, staring up at the ceiling and trying to savor the warm, heavy weight of Eddie on top of him. “Was it?”

“I… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m—” Eddie sat up a little, starkly reminding them both that he was very much still straddling Buck’s erection, his own hard dick rubbing up against Buck’s hipbone. Eddie’s face was mostly hidden in shadow when he looked down at Buck, but Buck could see his dark, shining eyes. “Shit. I’m—I’m sorry, Buck.”

“I’m not,” Buck said, honest and still a little breathless.

“We can’t do this,” Eddie warned in a quiet whisper, but it sounded more like it had been for his own benefit. "I’m sorry that I—started it. I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is.”

Buck wasn’t so sure Eddie had started it. The small, glowing jigsaw piece beneath Buck’s collarbone that belonged to Eddie slid once again into place with a satisfying, longing click, because Eddie was so kind. So willing to take the blame, to apologize, to try to do right by both Buck and Chris.

Buck tried to memorize the feeling of Eddie’s fingertips as they dug into Buck’s bicep. He hadn’t memorized it the first time, when Eddie had crowded him while they had sex. He had to do it now, before Eddie moved away. “I know,” Buck whispered back, closing his eyes so he could at least try to reign himself in without Eddie’s beautiful face hovering right above him. “Yeah, I know. I just—Eds, this is going to sound insane, but it’s only been three days and I’m already losing it.”

Eddie made a small noise above him. Buck opened his eyes to see Eddie with a slightly pained expression.

“I don’t want to make this any harder for you, either,” Buck whispered. He tried to sound sympathetic, but he let out a small hiss underneath his breath when Eddie moved again. “No pun intended.”

Eddie let out a small snort, getting them both to smile at each other like fools. Buck could feel his chest lightening at the smile on Eddie’s face, the sharp little canines and the straight, white teeth. His entire world, laid out on top of him, and asleep in the other room.

Eddie didn’t move off of him. In fact, Eddie barely even blinked as they both kept staring at each other, Buck peering up through his eyelashes as Eddie hovered over him.

“I… have another idea,” Buck whispered, his voice coming out in a low rasp entirely without his volition.

Eddie quirked one eyebrow, his fingers slowly curling around Buck’s shoulder, fingertips digging into his collarbone. “And what’s that?”

“We could… get it out of our systems. Just—just this once. The problem is, our last time… we didn’t know it was the last time.” Buck swallowed the overwhelming surge of saliva that flooded his mouth as Eddie’s eyes darkened.

“Just once?” Eddie asked, low and under his breath.

“Just to—get it out of our systems,” Buck agreed, feeling his own voice vibrate through his chest with want.

“It won’t just complicate things?” Eddie asked, a little more genuine and clearheaded.

Buck bit at the corner of his lip, barely holding back the groan of frustration that was clamoring at his ribs to get out. He was so hard he could hammer nails, and all he wanted was to feel Eddie again. Close, like they were meant to be. “It might,” Buck whispered after a moment of contemplation, choosing to be honest instead of just saying what he had to to get his way. “But… I’m willing to try it if you are. If it doesn’t help anything, we can just be adults about it afterward.”

Eddie contemplated this, eyes dragging down Buck’s face with a slow, precise gaze, as if he was mapping out Buck’s every muscle to remember him by later. His dark brown eyes settled on the pink of Buck’s mouth, before he nodded, and then slowly bent down where he was on top of Buck, sealing their lips together once more. “Bedroom,” Eddie rasped out against Buck’s lips. “Thick walls, door with a lock.”

“We’ll still need to be quiet,” Buck agreed, a low vibration in his throat, following as Eddie got off of him and led him down the hallway, their footsteps quiet on their way to the bedroom.

Buck’s entire chest felt alight. Eddie grasped Buck’s hand in his, and Buck felt like he could just float, here, stuck forever in this one, perfect moment. Buck’s been lucky enough to have a few perfect moments recently, despite the not-perfect ones scattered inbetween. Bittersweet was also perfect, to Buck.

As soon as Buck had gently, quietly, closed and locked the door behind them, Eddie devoured him. He was immediately shoved up onto the wall right beside the door, Eddie grabbing at Buck’s thighs and lifting. Buck’s spine vibrated against the wall as Eddie slid him up, pinning Buck between cold plaster and hot, feverish kissing.

“How—” Buck panted out between kisses, “—are you doing this?”

“Firefighter, remember,” Eddie murmured, letting go of Buck’s bottom lip with a slick pop and moving down to his neck.

Buck had to bite down on his tongue to keep in a moan, swearing he could taste blood from how hard he had to clench his teeth. A shiver rolled through Buck’s entire body as Eddie sucked on the pulse point right below Buck’s ear, right where his skin was thinnest.

“I swear,” Buck gasped out, trying to keep his voice a whisper. “If I have to hear one more—vampire joke—”

“You’ll deal with it,” Eddie growled, right next to Buck’s eardrum, his breath hot and wet as he licked a stripe up the hard shell of Buck’s ear. This was the perfect position – Buck shoved up against the wall, legs wrapped around Eddie and the entirety of Eddie’s body keeping him pinned in place – for them to grind together. Their hips slotted right together, Buck’s legs forcefully spread on both sides of Eddie’s waist. Eddie could fuck him like this. It would be so good. Eddie would be able to get so deep from this angle, Buck would feel him for days.

Buck almost let out a yelp when Eddie suddenly shifted the both of them away from the wall, fingers digging into Buck’s thighs as he carried Buck over and threw him onto the bed. The mattress squeaked, and both of them froze, staring wide-eyed at each other. They listened, but it didn’t seem to have woken Christopher. Every small sound and shift of their bodies seem inordinately loud in the dark room.

“Not too rough, then,” Eddie whispered after a moment, crawling on top of Buck and slotting their mouths and hips back together, as they were meant to be. Buck licked at Eddie’s teeth and tongue, rutting up against Eddie’s hipbone and almost biting straight through Eddie’s bottom lip when their cocks slotted up together perfectly.

“You—need to stop—moaning, Buck.” Eddie was right at Buck’s ear again, nipping at the tender flesh of his earlobe.

Buck hadn’t even realized he’d been moaning. “I—” Buck’s breath left him as Eddie ground down, their clothed erections sending a lance of pleasure through Buck. Buck brought his legs up, folding them around Eddie’s hips to pull Eddie harder against him. He wanted Eddie to fuck him. He wanted Eddie to crawl inside of him and never leave.

“Buck.” It was practically a growl. “Moan—softer.”

Buck nodded frantically, opening his eyes to see a grinning Eddie slipping down Buck’s body, pulling up Buck’s shirt to get at his skin. Lips curled away from tongue and teeth as Eddie bit down on the soft flesh of Buck’s stomach, laving the flat of his tongue down until he reached the skin bitten pink by Buck’s waistband.

Eddie looked up at Buck through his lashes, fingers pausing on the edge of Buck’s sweatpants. They both just stared at each other, right on the precipice. This giant, gaping maw – the longing, the horrible distance between them the past few days – got almost completely wiped from Buck’s mind as he gave a single, sharp nod for Eddie to continue.

Eddie’s quick fingers tugged down Buck’s sweatpants and underwear in one, easy yank. Instead of pulling off his own pants next, Eddie just shuffled further down the bed, until he was sucking stinging love bites all along Buck’s hipbones and silver-streaked thighs. Buck had never really liked his stretch marks, but Eddie seemed to be infatuated with them. His tongue followed the small slivers down Buck’s hips, to the crevice where leg meets torso, and it was as if Eddie was making a map of Buck with his mouth.

“Want you,” Eddie mumbled, more to himself than Buck. The only reason Buck heard it at all was because of the otherwise dead quiet of the room, a conscious effort on Buck’s part not to make any noise. Eddie leaned down, his temple resting on Buck’s hipbone as his fingers ran up and down Buck’s thighs, small strains of electricity following each point where fingertips met skin, and Buck wished he could get Eddie’s fingerprints burned into every inch of his body where they’ve touched. Eddie let out a small sigh, not looking up at Buck as he lifted his head. “Always want you. Fuck.”

Before Buck could make any reasonable sound in response, Eddie sunk down on his cock, and Buck was consequently stripped of all higher brain function. Eddie’s mouth was velvet, soft, heat. Every inch of Buck’s body crackled with it as Eddie started up a distracting, feverish pace.

Buck reached down, feeling Eddie’s soft hair between his fingers, carving patterns through it as he forced himself to keep still and take whatever Eddie gave him.

With a jerk, Eddie pulled off, and Buck’s eyes snapped open, staring down at him.

Eddie’s eyes were wide. When he whispered, it was in a hushed rasp: “You need to shut up, Buck.”

Buck frowned, dazed and still lust-drunk, confused. “What?”

“You’re—loud. And you’re—” Eddie shuffled up, taking Buck’s cock in his hand as he blanketed their bodies together again, his own sweatpants now pulled down to his thighs. “—saying things.”

Buck bit down on his lower lip not to moan as their cocks slotted back together, now wet and hot with Eddie’s saliva. “What—was I saying?”

Eddie stared down at Buck, his eyes so dark they looked to be all pupil. He shook his head, bending down to lay a kiss right at Buck’s temple. “Nothing good.”

They rutted together, Buck reaching down his own hand between them to fit around their cocks, creating a slick, hot channel for them to fuck into. The feeling of Eddie’s cock against him made his eyes roll back in his head, his breath panting from his lungs. He realized, belated, that he was moaning again, saying things he couldn’t quite hear over his own heartbeat.

Eddie leaned down, kissing Buck open-mouthed and dirty, before he pulled away and covered Buck’s spit-slick lips with a hand. Eddie’s fingers were hot, and long. Buck wanted them inside him.

“Buck,” Eddie practically growled, speeding up their thrusting as Buck made a small mewl in the back of his throat, muffled by Eddie’s hand. “Shut up. Stop—stop saying that.”

“Wh—” Buck tried to ask, but all that came out through Eddie’s fingers was a muffled moan. Buck’s mouth was open to pant his inhales, feeling his own breath echo back to him against Eddie’s palm. Eddie was doing his best to keep himself quiet, biting down on his lower lip as he kept Buck's mouth firmly sealed with his hand. 

Eddie ground down harder on top of Buck, their thrusting becoming erratic and almost punishing as Buck was reaching his peak, mindless with the ecstasy of Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

Their frenulums slotted up together, and Buck felt the first pulse of Eddie’s release as it pulsed right against the head of Buck’s cock, their joint precome mixing and creating a slick glide when Buck drew his thumb over their heads, dipping his thumb into Eddie’s slit first, before dipping it into his own, and the shock of sensation was what finally drove Buck over the edge. He came against Eddie’s cock, a full body, toe-curling shiver wracking through him as he came.

Eddie was quick to follow, Buck’s come coating his cock as he kept rutting into Buck’s hand and against Buck’s drooling cockhead, until his own dick twitched and came all over Buck’s lower stomach, joining Buck’s already cooling come.

“I love you, too,” Eddie whispered, right as he came down from the high of his climax, falling boneless on top of Buck.

Oh. That’s what Buck had been moaning.

Shit.

Chapter Text

Buck stuck around the next morning.

Of course he did. Buck was kind like that. Thoughtful.

That didn’t stop Eddie from having a heart attack when he woke up in the morning to an empty bed and cold sheets. It was only around six or so, judging by the soft light creeping in past the curtains, but Eddie was alone, his bed large and hollow and cavernous.

Buck was asleep on the couch, as it turned out. Like he’d always done when they had sleepovers in the past. Like old times. His entire neck was littered with hickeys, a long row of them planted all the way from the hollow beneath his ear to the exposed hint of collarbone that peeked up through his collar.

Eddie just stood at the foot of the couch and stared at him.

They were… friends. They’ve always been friends. Best friends.

Then they’d slept together, and they’d been more – briefly, so beautifully brief – and now they were…

Best friends, again. Just best friends.

If only it was that easy.

Hot, scraping teeth. Hands, fingerprints pressed and molded into the very soul of Edmundo Diaz, forever forged in the flame of Evan Buckley. Tongues and lips and hot air between breaths, sweat and spit drying on naked skin—

“Fuck,” Eddie whispered underneath his breath. He’d been so, monumentally mistaken. Last night—one last time, out of our systems—

Utter bullshit. Hot, molten pleasure. Brilliant, orgasmic bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless, because – if anything – Eddie was more in love with Buck than ever. He just had newer, even more vivid memories now to haunt him.

And Buck wouldn’t stop moaning it last night. I love you, I love you, I love y—

Eddie shuffled off to the bathroom, checking the damage. Buck had done a little less of it than Eddie had, surprisingly, and most of the hickeys were located over Eddie’s heart and ribs. And hipbones and stomach. And thighs. But not too bad where he couldn’t hide them, so he’d just have to grab a shirt with a higher collar and he’d be fine.

He didn’t know how Buck was going to hide the higher hickeys – a strange, vicious pleasure went through him with that thought, because everyone would know, there was no hiding the claim that Eddie had laid on him – but Eddie grabbed one of Buck’s old hoodies that had ended up in his closet, and laid it on the table next to the couch for Buck to find when he woke up. Hopefully it would hide some of the damage.

Around seven, Eddie had nearly driven himself insane, and decided it was time to go grab a shower. Buck had cleaned him up pretty well with his tongue last night, after, right before they’d both collapsed in each other’s arms, but Eddie could still feel sweat and dried saliva all over him. He only felt a small pinch of regret when he scrubbed it from his skin and watched it wash down the drain.

When Eddie got out of the shower, hair damp and dressed in clean clothes, Chris and Buck were both up, already on the Xbox, dueling each other on Fortnite.

They looked up when Eddie came in, and Buck lowered his controller, tugging on the collar of his hoodie almost subconsciously. Eddie’s eyes immediately flitted down, to where he could just barely make out one of the dark hickeys peeking out from it.

Eddie looked away, neither of them saying a word.

Chris smiled at him. “Good morning, Dad. How’d you sleep?”

Eddie tried a smile, and banished any and all ridiculous, inappropriate thoughts. They were back to normal, and he was going to have a nice, chill Saturday with his son and best friend. “Pretty good, actually.” Eddie stretched his back and yawned in show. “That shift yesterday really tuckered me out. What about you guys?”

“Yup.” Without skipping a beat, Chris continued, “Hey, can I go to Denny’s later?”

Eddie frowned. “Already? You’ve barely been here a week.”

Chris peered at Eddie over his glasses, hair sleep-mussed and still in his dinosaur pajamas. “Please. I haven’t seen Denny in forever.”

The edge of Eddie’s mouth pulled tight. “I’ll… text his moms. But that’s not a yes. I’ll see what they have going on.”

“Denny already asked Karen and she said yes,” Chris said with a smile, trying for all his might to look angelic.

“Is that so,” Eddie drawled, unimpressed. As if on automatic, he looked over to Buck as he always would’ve, to say kids! Am I right? And Buck was staring back with the same expression, a wordless exchange, practiced and domestic.

The moment shattered in a pinprick as Eddie’s eyes caught on the marks below Buck’s collar again. Not back to normal. So close, dangling right on the precipice of domesticity, but Eddie was barely hanging on by his fingertips.

“Yeah, I’ll uh—” Eddie swallowed, looking away from both Buck and Chris, toward the early morning light in the kitchen. “I’ll call Karen in a minute. I’m gonna—gonna go whip us up some breakfast. Pancakes sound okay?”

Chris lit up. “Ooh, can Buck make blueberry pancakes?”

Eddie paused, feeling his heart trying to rip itself from his ribcage, before he looked over to Buck with a questioning expression.

“Sure,” Buck answered, looking down at his hands. He looked up, smiled at Chris, then nodded once at Eddie. “I’ll make pancakes. If you’re allowed in the kitchen, you’ll just burn them.”

“And they’ll be raw!” Chris added, letting out a laugh.

Eddie rolled his eyes, faux-offended. “Yeah, whatever. I’m not actually a bad cook, I’ll have both of you know. You guys just like to make fun of the few times things didn’t work out. Now, give me that controller.”

Buck handed it over, just so barely hiding a grin as they swapped places, Eddie joining the game with Chris as Buck went to the kitchen to make pancakes. Before Eddie could stop himself, he called, “You want help?”

Buck took a second to respond. “Uhm, no. No, it’s alright. I got it. It’s like old times, right?”

Eddie stared down at the controller in his hands, his thumb fidgeting with the right joystick. “Right,” he whispered. He looked up at the TV, to where his and Christopher’s characters were just within sight of each other.

When he looked over to Christopher, Chris was looking at him with a strange expression.

“Hey, guys!” Karen’s smile was blinding as she opened the door for Chris to pass through, giving him a pat on the back as he hugged her. “You’ve gotten so tall!”

Chris smiled at her. “Thanks. It’s nice to see you again. Where’s Denny?”

Karen gave a faux sigh, shaking her head. “In his room. He’s already got the new Lego set packed out for you guys to build.”

Chris gave a small excited whoop, then smiled at Karen before bounding off in the direction of Denny’s room with his crutches moving at a dangerous speed. Karen watched him go, before turning back to Eddie with a polite smile.

“Hey, Eddie. Why don’t you come in for a cup of coffee?”

Eddie looked back toward where Chris had just disappeared, then back to Karen’s innocent expression. He’s spent enough time with Hen and Karen to know that Karen’s innocent expression was most definitely not innocent. “I… don’t really—”

“That wasn’t actually a suggestion.” Karen opened the door wider for him and gestured past it. “Come in, Eddie.”

Obediently, slightly taken aback, Eddie stepped past her into the house. It was warm inside, the smell of roast chicken coming from the kitchen, the rest of the house smelling vaguely like lilac and lavender.

"So, Hen tells me you've been happy with Chris back," Karen said, leading Eddie through the living room.

Eddie nodded with a half-smile. "It's been nice. He's settling in well, and I think he's happy to be back. I've missed my kid like crazy."

"Yeah, I can imagine." Karen gestured to the table and chairs around it. "Sit down a minute. I'll go make us some coffee."

"Uh, Karen, I don't know if—”

"Sit down."

Eddie sat.

Karen disappeared into the kitchen, some clattering coming through the door as she, Eddie assumed, continued with dinner, before she reappeared in the dining room with a bottle of wine and two shiny clear glasses in lieu of the promised coffee.

Eddie raised a brow.

Karen sat across from him with a smirk. She uncorked the wine and filled a glass before she handed it to Eddie, filling another one for herself. It was a dry red wine, making the muscles in the back of Eddie’s mouth pull together from the sudden, bitter shock.

“So,” Karen started, lifting a dark, perfectly shaped brow. “How are you?”

Eddie took another sip of bitter wine, before he shrugged. “Like I said. Chris seems to be—”

“That’s not what I asked. You’re a great dad, Eddie, of course Chris is happy to be back. And of course you’re happy that he’s back.” Karen leaned back a little in her chair, eyes intently set on Eddie. “But how are you? Hen told me that something seemed… different.”

Eddie felt his chest stutter with breath, almost choking on the wine. “With me?”

“With you,” Karen confirmed. “And with Buck. Well… mostly with Buck, but Hen told me that you’d seemed… strangely confident before last week. Right before Chris came back. And… settled.” Karen frowned lightly. “Maybe she explained it a little poetically. She can be such a romantic.”

Eddie frowned. “Right. Uhm. I’m not really sure what that means, but I’m—nothing’s different. Everything’s fine. I’m… fine.”

“Okay. And Buck?”

Eddie rucked up his shoulders maybe just a little too defensively. “What about Buck?”

It was obvious on Karen’s face that she wasn’t buying whatever he was trying to sell. “Well. Hen told me, right before Chris came back, that Buck had come into work with a massive hickey. And that he’d been acting flighty and cagey, like he always did when he had a big secret. Apparently she’d tried to bully it out of him but he’d just ignored her. And then, about a week ago, Buck comes back onto shift, and – apparently—it looks like someone had murdered a puppy right in front of him. Any idea what any of that was about?”

Eddie swallowed, taking a big gulp of the wine and looking away. Buck had seemed fine in front of him, for the most part. Excepting a late-night impulsive decision that broke down both of their self-controls, other than that—Buck had seemed fine. It was a crappy situation, but somehow, Eddie kept feeling like he was the one mourning what they could’ve been.

Buck still smiled at Eddie. Kept saying like old times, right? Buck kept his distance, kept his hands to himself – except for last night, last night, last night – and hasn’t complained or broken down to Eddie once.

Was Buck hiding his hurt from Eddie? How stupid could Eddie be not to see it? Buck was his best friend.

“Eddie?” Karen asked, and Eddie chanced a look at her, twirling his almost-empty wine glass between anxious, itching fingers. Karen gently took it from him, putting it on the table and refilling it while she kept one hand wrapped around Eddie’s; comforting. She handed the newly filled glass back to him, but didn’t completely release his fingers. Her eyes were gentle and kind. “Do you want to talk about it? Whatever happened between you and Buck?”

Eddie bit down on his teeth, wishing he could shatter them underneath the clench of his jaw or bite his own tongue off, digest it, force himself to have no way to keep saying hurtful, horrible things. To admit all of it.

Slowly, he shook his head. Paused. Dragged his eyes away from Karen’s and down to his lap, watching the spill of the crimson wine inside of the glittering glass, the gentle waves as his hands refused to be completely still. Then, he nodded.

Karen waited quietly as he worked up the words, ultimately only able to force three of them from his lips.

“I love him.”

There was only quiet in the room. Karen didn’t say anything to that.

He looked up at her, trying to gauge her reaction, but found she had none. He repeated, a little louder, “I—I love him. Karen, don’t you—don’t you see how bad that is.”

A small wrinkle appeared between Karen’s eyes. “Why is it bad?”

“Because he’s my best friend. He’s Christopher’s godfather. He’s—he’s the person I’ve loved the longest in my life, except only for my son, and I—I went and ruined it all by falling in love with him.”

Karen tilted her head to the side, a sympathetic grimace on her face. Her hand tightened over his, the touch grounding. “Oh, Eddie…”

“I ruined all of it. I ruined my relationship with Christopher, and then Chris leaves, and I decide to fuck it up with Buck, too. And I—I can’t lose him, Karen. I can’t. Being in Texas, leaving him behind, it was one of the hardest decisions I’d ever had to make, but I had to do it for Chris. I had to. I’d do anything for Christopher. And now…”

Eddie’s words dried up, and he lifted a hand to cover his face, only to realize the skin was wet. Karen took Eddie’s wine glass from him and brought her hands up to cover his knuckles as he let them sink to his lap again.

“Eddie,” Karen said gently, in the same gentle but urgent tone one might say breathe.

Eddie took a large, ragged breath, and it tasted like the bitter wine and acrid bile that was trying to climb up his throat. His stomach was aching with holding back a sob.

“Eddie, hey, look at me. Everything’s okay. I promise. Have you talked to anyone about this? Except Buck, I mean?”

Taking a deep breath through his nostrils, Eddie shook his head.

“Do you… I mean, do you want to talk through it with me? I’m a somewhat outsider party, and I took a psychology class in my sophomore year of college. I’m sure I could look for some good advice to give you, if you want it.”

Eddie let out a soft, wet laugh underneath his breath, getting Karen to smile at him.

She squeezed his knuckles, then sat back in her chair. “Well, come on. Hen’s going to be back in about 20 minutes and if you’re still here she’s going to grill you.”

“Where is Hen, anyway?”

“Her and Mara are at swim practice. And stop changing the subject, Diaz. Talk.”

“Fine.” Eddie took the tall, thin glass between his fingers again, downing the last of the bitter wine and feeling the parch of it down his throat, before he tucked his chin again and looked Karen in the eye. “A week and a half ago… Buck and I figured something out. Buck come over to the house, drunk off his ass, and drunkenly admitted that he… felt something for me. The next morning we talked, cleared things up—”

“Got your heads out of your asses.”

Eddie bit down a grimace. “That. We realized that we’d both been—” Eddie swallowed the thick knot that tried to suffocate him. Sometimes his love for Buck wasn’t just palpable, but physical. An ache that surrounded his entire solar plexus and tried to gut him like a knife. “—in love with each other. And then, a few days later… Chris came home.”

A flash of sympathy flooded Karen’s face. “Oh, no, Eddie…”

“I—I couldn’t do that to him, Karen. He just got back, and I already fucked it up the first time, now is not the time to—”

“Eddie. Eddie—breathe.” Karen brought her hands up to his face, wiping away the cold, wet tears Eddie could feel drying there. This was such a mess—it was horrible—Eddie had messed everything up—he was going to lose his son again—he’d hurt Buck—

“Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes abruptly focused again when a sharp, sudden pain radiated from his cheek. He blinked, feeling more tears fall from his lashes, eyes widening in confusion. “You—pinched me?”

Karen’s face was set in a frown. “You were scaring me.”

Eddie brought a hand up to rub at his cheek. “Ow.”

“Are you okay?”

“Well, my cheek hurts—”

“No, I mean… you just almost had a panic attack, Eddie. It looked like a panic attack.” Karen twisted her head a few fractions, eyes settling back to their default kindness with just a little panic shining through. “Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

“I… yeah. Yeah, a few years ago. And when I came back from Afghanistan. I… used to get them in my sleep.”

Karen’s mouth pinched sympathetically. “Everything that’s happening… it’s really stressing you out, huh?”

Eddie bit down on his tongue, willing himself not to cry anymore. His voice was barely a whisper when he admitted, “I don’t know what to do. It feels like… I have to choose between them. It’s unfair of me to keep asking Buck to act like nothing happened, but I can’t lose my son. If I have to choose, I know who I’d choose, every time, but I—I can’t. And I’m so selfish, because I’ve just realized how much I’m hurting Buck by doing that.”

“No, Eddie. You need to remember that Buck’s an adult too. Have you explained this to him? Does he… know why you can’t be together?”

Eddie nodded.

“Well, then, it’s perfectly within his capabilities to choose if he wants to stay where he is. If he knows what the boundaries are, then it’s his choice if he wants to keep by them, or leave.”

“But wouldn’t it be kinder if I made the choice for him?” Eddie whispered.

Karen looked sad. “I don’t think it would. That’s something he has to decide, if he wants to stay or not.”

Eddie could feel his entire chest tighten up again with that white-hot pressure. Like a dagger taking aim for his insides.

Somewhere, a thin, shrill ringing noise went off.  

“Shit.”

Eddie startled as Karen got up with the sudden, loud scrape of her chair.

“Sorry, shit, I forgot about the chicken! I’ll be right back!” Karen bounded off toward the kitchen, leaving Eddie staring down at the wooden slats of the floor, the small scrapes and scuffs of well-lived, overlapping lives running all throughout the house. His eyes tracked up to the walls, the smiling pictures hanging there, the brief glimpses into memorable days and milestones. He swept his gaze over the lamp, the shining-hot glare of it, the mantel, then startled as he looked just past the corner to see a shadow lurking there.

“Chris?” he asked, breathless, panicked.

Christopher walked a few steps forward with his crutches, coming just past the doorway before he stopped. “Dad?”

Eddie brought a self-conscious hand up to his face, checking if it was still wet. It seemed fine. His eyes must’ve been red, but maybe he could blame it on the wine, if Chris noticed.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie tried a smile, letting out a small laugh underneath his breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, just, uh—me and Karen were having a little chat. She brought us some wine.”

“Your face is red. It looks like you were crying.”

Shit. Eddie swallowed reflexively, scratching at his brow. “Uh, no, it’s just… I’m fine, bud. Where’s Denny?”

“He had to go to the bathroom. I heard you talking. You were being a little loud.”

“Oh.” Eddie’s heart stood still in his chest. “Sorry, it wasn’t anything important. I promise.”

“It sounded important.”

“Chris.”

Christopher came up to Eddie, standing right next to him. Christopher had gotten so tall, with Eddie sitting like he was now, he had to crane his head to look into Christopher’s eyes. “Dad,” Chris said, his voice a little softer. “Why were you crying?”

“No reason, Chris. It was… some adult stuff me and Karen were talking about, okay? It’s not really something I want to tell you yet.”

“But you tell me everything.”

Eddie let out a soft laugh, unable to help it. “I know, cariño. Just… maybe not this. Okay? Not until… until I figure it out.”

“Is it about Buck?”

Eddie had to take a deep breath. “I… how much did you hear, earlier?”

“Just that you were upset. I wasn’t listening, I promise.”

Eddie nodded. He swallowed, licked his lips, looked down at his hands then looked back up at Chris. “Okay. I tell you what, how about we talk about this at home, huh? Tomorrow, after you’ve had a fun time with Denny, and then we’ll—”

“I don’t want to sleep over, anymore,” Chris interrupted.

Eddie frowned. “But… you wanted to sleep over. You said you missed Denny.”

“I mean, I’ve missed Denny, yeah. But I’ve missed you more. I… can I sleep over some other time? I just want to spend the night with you, Dad.”

Eddie took a moment to think about it, his chest inflating like a balloon, filled with warring emotions. Finally, he nodded, and said, “Do you want me to come grab you later?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll chat with Karen in a second. I’ll come pick you up again at about… eight?”

“Nine.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Eight thirty. If Karen’s okay with it. Now, go play with Denny.”

Chris scampered off again, leaving Eddie to stare back down at his empty wine glass.

Karen didn’t interrogate him much more, after, and she’d managed to not actually burn dinner. She’d invited Eddie to stay, to eat with them, but he’d politely declined, and she’d let him go.

His house was dim when he got back. The last of the late afternoon light shone in past the windowpanes, but it seemed muted, somehow.

Eddie walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and downing it in one go. He filled it up again, rolling the cool glass between his palms and feeling drops of moisture seep into his skin.

Buck was sitting on the couch.

Eddie startled, when he came out of the kitchen, because he’d parted with Buck at the door when he’d gone to drop Chris off at Hen and Karen’s, and he’d assumed Buck would just go home. Apparently not.

Eddie stared at him. Buck’s back was bowed, his head between his knees and his fingers curled into his hair. Every line of Buck’s posture was a bad omen – a warning sign to turn back. To leave him alone. But he was still in Eddie’s house, after all.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, causing Buck’s shoulders to jump and his muscles to unfold from themselves like a slow, creaky Jack-in-the-box.

Buck sniffed, brought a hand up to his face and didn’t look Eddie in the eye. “Uh. Hey, Eds.”

“I thought you went home.”

“Yeah, I, uh.” Buck sniffed again, a little softer as if trying to hide it, before he dragged his fingers over his eyes and looked over to Eddie. It didn’t specifically look like he’d been crying, but it also didn’t not look like it. “I was planning to leave. Had my keys and everything. And then I just… didn’t, I guess. Couldn’t, maybe.”

“Okay.” Eddie held his breath against the seething, twisting tension coming from Buck.

Buck rucked his shoulders a little. Their eyes locked, but Buck’s gaze was strangely unseeing. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked, defensive. Eddie could see the hurt rolling off of him in waves, now that he really looked.

“Didn’t say that. You want something from the kitchen before I come over there? A beer?”

Buck let out a barely-audible sigh, his shoulders untensing just the slightest bit. “Uh, no. No, I think I’m—I’m okay. Thanks, Eddie.”

“Yeah, probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I just had half a bottle of wine with Karen.”

“And you drove here?”

Eddie bit at the side of his mouth, wishing he could get a taste of blood. “One of the lesser reckless things I’ve done recently.”

Buck gave him a side-eye, but didn’t comment. He sunk a little further into the couch, away from Eddie as Eddie sank down next to him, his limbs suddenly inconceivably heavy.

“Why’d Karen force-feed you wine?” Buck asked idly, lacking his usual spark of joy.

Eddie raised a brow. “How’d you know I didn’t ask for it?”

“You never willingly drink wine, you didn’t seem very social this morning, and Karen’s like a sniffer-dog for emotional issues. She’s almost worse than Hen, sometimes, I swear.”

“You think I—you think she noticed there was an emotional issue, and tried to get me drunk to talk about it?” Eddie asked.

“Something like that,” Buck mumbled. “Never mind.”

Buck tilted his head into the cushion behind him, his hair soft and curling, and Eddie remembered what it felt like between his fingers. Buck closed his eyes, face twisted in Eddie’s direction, giving Eddie free rein to map out his every feature in the fading light, to go over every crease and freckle over and over again, as if they weren’t already well-carved into his mind, a permanent image.

Buck’s eyelashes fluttered open, and their eyes met.

“Did… did last night help for you?” Buck asked, voice so unbearably soft it could’ve just been a whisper of air. Eddie could’ve pretended not to hear it, if he wanted.

Instead, he said, “No,” just as quiet.

“Is it… still there,” Buck whispered, “for you?”

Slow, hesitant, Eddie nodded.

Buck closed his eyes again, as if it was unbearable to look Eddie in the eye.

“Do you think it’s ever going to go away?” was Buck’s final, hushed question, and Eddie wished he could pull him closer, pull the hurt from his lips and tongue like a balm, fix all of this with one great, perfect kiss.

He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t.

“For me?” Eddie answered. “I don’t think it ever will.”

“Have we ruined this?” Buck asked. "Our friendship. Everything we have between—” He threw out a reckless hand, gesturing between then blindly, fingertips scraping against Eddie’s chest. “—us.”

“I don’t know,” Eddie said, honestly.

Buck opened his eyes, a small shift of motion as his spine straightened, and he was right in front of Eddie. So close. His eyes were blue and soft and still a little red-rimmed, and Eddie could fall into him, wished he was allowed to just lose himself in Buck.

“I love you,” Buck whispered, voice so close his breath brushed Eddie’s cheek and nose. “I love you so much. And I think, every time I see you, I love you even more. And every time we—every last time, every last kiss—I’d let it go on forever. I’d go in circles like a dog chasing his tail, over and over, just to have this.”

“I love you, too,” Eddie whispered back, the words aching. “I really do, Buck.”

“But you can’t let it get between you and Chris,” Buck said, gentle. “And neither can I.”

Heart shattered, pieces carving and bleeding through the slots of his ribs, Eddie agreed with a nod.

“Then we need to stop this, Eds. All of it. The touches, the longing stares, the—the pining. And we can’t—can’t have another excuse to—to—to get it out of our systems. Or—whatever. Because I promise you, Eds, I’d be able to think of a thousand excuses to have a reason to touch you. A million.”

“But… we can’t keep doing this,” Eddie agreed gently, taking the words from Buck’s lips, reading them from every crease and frown on Buck’s face. Buck’s mouth, his eyes, his everything was so close. Their hands were almost brushing where they held onto the back of the couch.

“I think I need to—I need to do this. For both of us.” Buck’s eyes twisted, determined. “I’m doing this for us, Eddie, okay?”

Eddie’s broken, scattered heart stood still. His voice wavered when he asked, “Do what, Buck?”

“I’m—I’m going to take a trip.” Buck nodded to himself, once, mind set. “I sent my extended leave papers to Bobby this morning, before I fell asleep on the couch. He wants to talk to me before shift on Monday, but he said he’ll approve them.”

Eddie tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, parched. “Where will you go?”

“Anywhere,” Buck said with a dry laugh. “The middle of nowhere, maybe. I haven’t been on a road trip in forever. I have the Jeep and some savings; enough bartending and odd jobs experience. Maybe I’ll find a nice, small town and settle there for a month. I don’t know, Eddie, I just—I need to get away—we need to—to—” Buck took a deep breath, looking down at their feet. “I need to get away, until the worst of it goes over. And when I come back, everything can go back to the way it was. I just—I need to get over the worst part. And I think some distance will help.”

“You make it sound like you’re going through withdrawal,” Eddie murmured, not very amused.

“In a way it feels like I am.” Buck reached up a hand, settling it just underneath Eddie’s eye, stroking the skin there with his thumb. “I’m doing this for us, Eddie. For our friendship. You’re my best friend. The only best friend I’ve ever had. I won’t let this come between us.”

“Chris won’t understand,” Eddie said, trying not to lean his whole face into Buck’s hand, to expose more of himself than he’s already bared. “And if he ever finds out the real reason you left, he’s going to hate me. I never wanted this to come between you and Christopher, either.”

“It won’t!” Buck sniffed, indignant, his nails scratching the hair just above Eddie’s ear. “Me and Chris facetimed all the time while he was in Texas. You think the kid won’t hear from me while I’m traveling. And I’m a grown man, Eddie, I can do what I want. I’ll explain it to Chris, when I say goodbye. It’s just a road trip. An adventure.”

Eddie let out a snort. “Now he’s going to be mad that he can’t go with you.”

“Next time. Next time, it can be all three of us,” Buck said, hopelessly optimistic. “What time are you getting him from Hen and Karen’s, tomorrow? Maybe I could go grab him for you? Say goodbye.”

Eddie almost grabbed Buck’s shoulder in panic, barely restrained himself, dug his nails into his palms. “You’re leaving that soon?”

“I… was planning on leaving after Monday’s shift, actually. But Chris’ll still be in school, so I’ll say goodbye tomorrow.”

“You… he’s…” Eddie took a deep, steadying breath. “He’s not sleeping over anymore. He said he wanted to come home tonight. I told Hen I’ll get him around eight-thirty.”

“I could go get him for you, if you wanted? I could explain the whole thing in the car, say goodbye before I drop him off. I won’t sleep over, again, don’t worry.”

The feeble attempt at a joke fell flat between them. Eddie’s chest felt like it wanted to collapse. He could still see a hickey sticking out of Buck’s collar, and the marks on his hips and stomach burned like his own skin was trying to pull itself from his body, to reunite itself with Buck.

Eddie swallowed, inhaled through his nose, and forced himself to nod. “Yeah, okay.”

Buck let out an awkward, horrible laugh. He sat back in a fast swoop of motion, pulling away from Eddie and off the couch in a blur. One of his hands settled on the back of his neck. “Okay. Yeah, okay, I—uh. Have you eaten anything?”

Eddie shook his head, staring at the place where Buck had just been. His skin tingled, suddenly cold where Buck had touched him.

“Okay. Do you—uh… do you want to eat anything. I could whip us up some dinner, see what’s in the fridge…”

“Yeah, sure, Buck.” Eddie couldn’t look up at him. He needed to be alone, to try to pull himself together. “Whatever you want.”

Buck hesitated. Eddie spent a very long minute contemplating what Buck would do if Eddie stood up and grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him into a long, hard kiss. Begged him to stay. Got down on his knees and properly begged. Would Buck shove him away? Would Buck let him ruin them further?

Eddie didn’t have the chance to give himself an answer, because Buck was striding to the kitchen on his freakishly long legs, rattling something off about pasta and pesto and the Spam Eddie always had at the back of the cabinet.

He’d just have to make peace with the gaping hole in his chest, and half of his heart tearing ever further away from him.

Chapter Text

“Nooooo!”

Eddie startled, jumping off the couch and onto his feet in a flash. Chris was yelling. Why was Chris yelling?

The front door slammed, and Eddie could just make out Buck’s pleading muffled through it. “Chris—”

“No! No! You are not leaving us!”

Eddie finally made it to the front, staring at the closed front door and Christopher yelling at it. Buck’s voice came through it again. “Chris, just—listen to me—”

Christopher turned his back to the door, catching sight of Eddie. His face was curled up in a mask of anger. “Dad!”

Eddie frowned, confused at all the yelling. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“Buck is leaving!”

Oh. Right. Eddie settled air into his chest, taking a gentle step toward Chris, who was leaning forward on his crutches and breathing fast. “Chris, hey.” Eddie bent down on one knee, so he was just beneath Christopher’s face but could look into his eyes. “Buck’s just taking a little road trip. Okay? He’s going to be back before you—”

“You knew!” Christopher pulled away from Eddie’s hands, leaning back. “You knew! And it’s probably your fault, isn’t it!”

Eddie felt like he’d been hit across the face. “What?”

“You were talking about Buck yesterday!” Chris accused. “I knew something was wrong. I knew it!”

“Chris, I told you we could talk about—”

“Buck can’t leave!” Christopher declared, setting his crutches solidly on the ground as he defensively squared his shoulders. “I won’t let him leave just because you fought! Or because you broke up! I don’t care, Buck can’t—”

Eddie frowned, standing back up and leaning on his heels. “Wait, Chris—what? Buck and I didn’t break up, we were never—”

“A fight, then!” Chris said. “I don’t care. You promised you wouldn’t let a relationship get between us again!”

“I know, Chris. I know, that’s why—”

“Then why are you letting Buck leave?” Chris pleaded.

Buck finally got the front door open with his spare key, and Christopher whirled around on him, so angry he almost lost his balance. He settled himself firmly on his feet and crutches again, before he glared at Buck. “Why are you leaving?”

Buck looked properly cowed by a thirteen-year-old. “Chris.” He bent down just like Eddie had earlier, his eyes wide. “I told you. I’m just taking a trip, it’s not—”

“You guys need to apologize,” Chris decided. “I don’t care who. Say sorry, and it’ll be okay again.”

“Chris—”

“Christopher,” Eddie said, in his dad tone, getting Chris to turn around to him and slightly bend his head. “It’s not that easy. And you’re not going to yell at us like that. If we’re going to talk, we’re going to do it properly.”

“But you… you’re…” Christopher’s eyes traveled between the two of them, his face set in the way it used to do when he was small. Chris was barely a head shorter than Eddie, but when he was sad he still looked just like he had when he was little. “Why is Buck leaving?”

Buck crouched a little closer to Chris, tipping his chin down as he creased his brow, face gentle. “I’m just taking a trip, bud.”

“For a month.”

“Okay. A—a long trip.”

Chris swallowed, face screwed up. “Where are you going?”

Buck shrugged. “Not sure, yet. I’m just going to drive around, explore.”

“And I can’t come with you?” It was practically a whisper, now. Eddie could see it breaking Buck’s heart; felt it shatter his own.

Buck tilted his head to the side, and it showed on his face how much he didn’t really want to leave. “No. Not this time, I’m sorry, bud.”

Chris stood still, quiet, for a full minute, before he lifted his shoulders and took a step away from the both of them, so he could regard the Buck and Eddie over the rims of his glasses without having to crane his neck. Buck got upright, all three of them staring at each other.

“Can I ask something?” Chris said, sounding very much like the teenager he was, no longer small and scared but a little annoyed and stroppy.

“Yeah, sure, bud,” Eddie said.

“But you have to be honest,” Chris stipulated. 

Buck and Eddie looked at each other, before they turned to Chris and each gave a slow nod.

“Why did you guys break up?”

Eddie felt his heart stutter against his ribs. He met Buck’s eyes, and they were wide. Eddie looked back over to Chris, who was staring at him intently, waiting for an answer. Eddie decided to settle as close to the truth as he was comfortable sharing with Chris. “We, uh… we didn’t break up, Chris. Me and Buck weren’t dating.”

Chris frowned, as if he didn’t believe Eddie, but he barreled on: “Fine. Why did you guys fight, then? You never fight unless it’s something really big.”

“We’re not fighting,” Buck said, holding up his hands at his sides.

“Why do you think we’re in a fight, Chris?” Eddie asked.

“Because I can see you guys. I’m not stupid, you know. I’m thirteen. You guys have been acting all weird ever since I came back, and then Buck broke up with his stupid boyfriend—”

“Chris!” Eddie admonished, but Chris continued:

“—and then you guys were calling me every day, and it sounded like you guys were so happy. And when we video called, you guys would look at each other differently. Like how the boys in my class look at the girls they like. I thought—I thought you guys… liked each other.”

“We do like each other, Chris,” Buck said, trying to be gentle.

“Yeah, but— like-liked each other,” Chris said, sounding defeated.  

“We… we do,” Eddie said, when Buck just looked at him helplessly. “We do, Chris. We really, really like each other. But we can’t be together, right now. I need to focus on you.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Chris blurted out, and Eddie hated that he sounded so small. This was exactly what Eddie had wanted to avoid. “If you—like each other, why can’t you just be together?”

“Look… Christopher,” Eddie settled in front of him, keeping his face open, trying not to talk down to him; to remember that he wasn’t a little kid anymore. “Buck and I… decided, right before you came back, that we can’t be together right now. And it’s not your fault, so don’t ever think that—but. We decided, that when you came back, I wanted all of my attention to be on you. I didn’t want my feelings for Buck – or our relationship – to get in the way of my relationship with you. Does that make sense?”

“That is… so stupid,” Chris said, sounding just like a teenager.

Eddie frowned. “Hey.”

“Sorry,” Chris said, on automatic. “I didn’t mean—you’re stupid. I meant—that’s stupid. That’s a really, really stupid reason to break up.”

“You’re saying stupid a lot,” Eddie warned.

“I mean it.” Chris looked over to Buck before Eddie could admonish him for the sass. “Buck, you’re my best friend. When have you ever gotten in between me and Dad?”

Eddie looked over to Buck.

Buck frowned, just a little, looking pained at whether to involve himself or let Eddie handle it. Eddie gave him a gentle nod to answer if he wanted to.

“I… don’t think I have,” Buck answered honestly, before quickly adding, “But this is different, Chris—”

“What’s different?” Chris asked, looking back to Eddie. “You guys would, like—kiss now, I guess. And hold hands. Just—don’t do anything gross in front of me, ‘cause that would be, like, seriously gross, but— I don’t care if you kiss. And I don’t care if you hold hands.”

Eddie could feel relief settle in his chest, equating Christopher’s grossed-out admittance to teenage acceptance. “Okay, that’s… Chris, that’s not all. If me and Buck ever fought—or broke up for real… That’s serious, Chris. It’s different when you’re best friends versus when you’re in a relationship.”

Chris frowned at him, as if Eddie was saying something obvious. “You have broken up before. I couldn’t see Buck for a few weeks after his big accident, and I missed him, and then you made up again. You always make up. Just like you’re going to make up now.”

Buck tilted his head to the side with a small sigh. “Chris… you can’t just…”

“No! Kiss! Feel better and be happy again!” Chris turned away from both of them, staring at the wall. “I’m gonna look away. Kiss, and lemme know when you’re done.” He shot them a quick look over his shoulder. “Just—like, make it quick. I told Denny we could play Minecraft when I get home.” And then he looked at the wall again, and promptly slammed his hands over his ears, making little la-la-la sounds.

Eddie let out a small laugh at the ridiculousness of it, before he shook his head and looked over to Buck.

Buck lifted his eyebrows. “Well?”

“I… don’t know.”

“If—Eddie, if you want to stick to the plan, I can be the bad guy. I’ll tell him—”

“No,” Eddie said. He got to his feet, ignoring the slight ache of his knees, and took three steps over to Buck. His hands met soft, bristly skin as he grabbed the sides of Buck’s face and pulled him in. Their lips met, and it was glorious. Perfect. Eddie pulled back, just far enough to look into Buck’s eyes. “This was all about Chris. If he’s happy—if it doesn’t affect him negatively, then there’s no reason for us to not do this. And you make him happy, Buck. Stay," Eddie asked, pulling back just to look into his eyes, soft and gentle. "Please stay.”

“Yeah,” Buck murmured, dazed. “Yeah. Yes. I’m never leaving again if you'll let me. Ever.”

“Good,” Eddie whispered against his mouth, before pulling him in again, softer this time.

“Ugh, gross!” Chris shouted, causing them to break apart.

“You said you were going to look away!” Buck defended, face bright red. Eddie let out a soft laugh, turning back to look over to Chris. Eddie had always given his girlfriends little pecks in front of Christopher, it’s not like they were traumatizing the kid.

“I didn’t know you were gonna take that long,” Chris complained, giving them both a calculating look, before settling his gaze on Buck. “Are you going to stay now?”

Buck looked back to Eddie, before a smile crept over his face, and he nodded. “Yeah, kid. I’m staying.”

“Good. You’re not allowed to leave. You guys need to love each other forever and ever so my dad doesn’t get a weird girlfriend I don’t like again.” Chris considered for a second, then added, “And so you don’t get another weird boyfriend. I hated the last one.”

“Christopher,” Eddie warned, at the same time that Chris said, “Sorry, not hate.”

Buck’s face twisted into an incredulous frown, still looking at Chris. “You didn’t like Tommy?”

Eddie’s head whipped to Buck. “Buck, nobody liked Tommy.”

“What?! Why didn’t anybody tell me!”

“We tried!” Christopher defended. “Dad kept making up excuses for him not to come over, and you should’ve heard how much he complained on our calls when I was in Texas. He used to go on and on about how bad of a boyfriend Tommy was for-eeever—”

Eddie cleared his throat. “All right. That’s—” Eddie shook his head, then gave a small grimace. “Enough. But yeah. Sorry, Buck.”

“It’s fine.” Buck shrugged. “He was kind of a bad boyfriend. But no more.”

“No more,” Chris repeated with a hard nod. “Ever. You guys need to get married or something.”

“Okay—woah—” Eddie interjected, at the same time Buck said, “Yeah, I mean prob—”

They both stopped, abruptly, heads swinging to each other.

“Okay, bye!” Chris said, stomping away on his crutches like a little shit. “I’m playing Minecraft with Denny! See you guys later!”

The front hall fell into silence.

Buck and Eddie just stared at each other, Eddie awestruck and Buck looking mortified.

“I—I didn’t mean—” Buck started, but Eddie cut him off.

“You want to marry me?”

Buck’s teeth connected as he clamped his jaw shut. He looked away, toward the tiles just past Eddie knees. “I… I mean… not if it’s not what you want. I mean—we don’t—you’ve already been married, and I don’t even know if I’m—”

Eddie grabbed Buck by the shoulders and kissed him harder than he’s ever kissed anyone in his life. They almost fell over from the force of it, but Eddie held on, guiding Buck backwards until his back hit the door and Eddie could properly sink his claws into him.

“You’re—you—” Eddie breathed out between kisses, licking into Buck’s mouth. “You want to—marry me.”

“Always—” Buck gasped out, right into his ear as Eddie moved to his neck, resisting the urge to suck a hickey there. Not while Chris was awake. Down, boy. “I want you—” Buck panted, trying to stay quiet. “—for the rest of my—life. Eddie.”

“Okay,” Eddie decided, kissing back up to Buck’s mouth, giving him one last, passionate kiss, before he pulled away to look Buck in the eyes. “Okay. Yeah. Forever. That sounds—that sounds perfect.”

Buck’s eyes were bright, dazed but happy. “Really?”

Eddie nodded, curling his hands tighter around Buck’s shoulders, unwilling to let him go. “Really. Forever. Always. You’re never getting rid of me now, Buckley.”

“Good,” Buck echoed, leaning down to give a small nip at Eddie’s lips again. “I don’t want to.”

They broke apart. Eddie wiped his mouth, trying to catch his breath. They gave it a minute, trying to calm down, before they headed back to the living room, in mutual agreement that a game night with Chris was exactly what they both wanted.

Chris had his headset on, playing Minecraft on the Xbox while talking to Denny. He gave them a sideways glance when they settled on either side of him, before he paused and pulled off one side of his headphones. “Denny and I are playing survival on hard mode. If you guys join, you need to give all your resources to us.”

“Yeah, all right,” Eddie agreed, with Buck making a disapproving noise.

“Half,” Buck said, grabbing his own controller. “And Eddie and I get to camp in your base.”

Chris took a second to think about it, before he gave a small sigh and said, “Fine. Deal. As long as you make sure Dad doesn’t let any spiders or creepers get into it.”

“I’ll watch him,” Buck said, at the same time Eddie said, “I’m right here!”

Chris looked over to him, narrowing his eyes. “No offense, Dad, but you’re, like… not the best at Minecraft.”

“He means you suck at it,” Buck faux-whispered, getting Chris to let out a small giggle.

Eddie glared at them. “I can’t believe you guys are teaming up against me already.”

Chris smiled, wide, and handed Eddie the extra controller. “Yup!” he said, unpausing his game and going back to playing. “And you get to deal with it forever!”

Eddie tried to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t help the smile that broke over his face.

Forever.

Yeah, that sounded exactly right.

“I—what’s going on?” Hen paused, right at the edge of the living room, staring at Buck and Eddie on the couch. Buck’s head was in Eddie lap.

Buck lowered his phone with the Wikipedia article he’d been reading, turning his head – still in Eddie’s lap – to look over to Hen. “Oh, hey. I was just reading an article about how baleen whales—”

“No, no—” Hen interrupted, waving a hand at the two of them. Eddie lowered the book he’d been reading to rest on Buck’s chest. “I meant—what’s this? With you two?”

Eddie frowned, looking down at Buck – still in his lap – then back up to Hen. “What?”

“You’re—” She paused, seeming to buffer, before she let out a disbelieving guffaw. “You know what? Not my business.” She walked away, going over to the kitchen for a snack, muttering to herself, “Bunch of weirdos—what kind of best friends—”

Chim was next, coming up the stairs before almost falling back down them again.

Buck lowered his phone once again, biting at the inside of his cheek not to laugh. Eddie gave him a small look as Chim made a choking noise.

“Okay. Okay! I see,” Chim said, walking over to them, nodding his head and smiling. “This is a prank, right? You’re tryna see our reactions?” He let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Well, very funny. What prompted this? Did you find out about the bet? Is that it?”

Buck shot upright, almost sending Eddie’s book flying. He frowned at Chim, eyes wide. “What bet?”

“Oh. Uh—that’s—” Chim stuttered, slowly taking backward steps. “Nothing. Wait, so if that’s not—”

Eddie stared at Chim. “You guys put bets on us?”

“Oh, uh—not… as such—”

“Yup.” Hen came back over, settling in the nearest chair while chewing on an apple. “Whole firehouse. I already lost, three years ago.”

“What?!” Buck squeaked out.

“Yeah, I know. You cost me two hundred dollars. Karen’s still in the running, though, so maybe you can get on her good side.”

“Hey, I lost too!” Chim said, as if remembering for the first time. “Damn it. I put my bets on last June. Do you think Rodriguez would let me move my date up again—”

“What the hell—” Buck started, getting interrupted by the distinct tread of heavy boots coming up the stairs.

“Hey, guys,” Bobby greeted when he got his feet solidly on the concrete of the loft, already turned towards the kitchen.   

“Hey, Cap,” everyone echoed harmoniously, before Hen turned around in her chair and said, “Bobby, when did you place your bet for Buck and Eddie to finally get their heads out of their behinds?”

Bobby stopped in his tracks, turning slowly where he stood to regard the rest of the 118. His eyes flitted over Hen and Chim, then Buck and Eddie, before he looked back at Hen. “Hen, you know I wouldn’t take part in childish stuff like that. I’m your superior, it would be unprofessional and inappropriate.”

Chim furrowed his brow, and right before Bobby could make his exit, said, “Hey, that’s not true! I remember, you put your bets on that summer Chris had summer camp!”

Bobby froze, wide-eyed. “I…” He looked over to Buck, gave an apologetic wince, and shrugged. “Actually, it was the summer after that. Sorry, kid.”

“I can’t believe this!” Buck stood up, pointing a finger at the rest of them. “You all had bets on me and Eddie?! That’s so—so—”

“Sweet,” Eddie said, still sitting on the couch with his book in his lap, staring up at them. “You guys really thought we could pull it off? Getting together?”

Everyone stayed quiet for a minute, before Hen said, “Some of us thought you already had. You guys make each other happy. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

Buck calmed down a little, staring at her. “Really?”

“Yeah, kid,” Bobby answered, grinning softly. “And we’re all really happy for you, if this is really it. Although, I have a bunch of paperwork printed out in my desk the both of you need to come fill in. Might need to wipe the dust off it, first.”

Buck couldn’t help his smile, big and wide. “Thanks, guys. And nothing’s going to change, now that me and Eddie are together.”

“Yeah, literally nothing,” Eddie added. “We didn’t really realize how together we really were until we actually, y’know, got together.”

“Yeah, you guys have been acting all stupid over each other since day one,” Hen said, also smiling. “But we’re happy for you. And hey—” she pointed a finger at them. “No making out in the storage closets. Or the back of the engine. Or—actually, no making out in the firehouse. At all.”

“Seconded,” Bobby called out from the kitchen.

“Third...ed,” Chim added from his chair.

“Cross our hearts,” Buck said with a smile, watching as Eddie put his book down to get up from the couch.

“I’m gonna go take inventory of the ambulance before Hen drags me down there by my ears. It’s my turn to do it.” He leaned in, giving Buck a quick, light peck on the cheek, earning them a disgusted sound from Hen and a childish coo from Chimney. Eddie made a face at Chim before following Hen as she descended down the stairs.

Buck stared after him, overwhelmed with fondness. It finally felt like it all fit—like that gaping, Eddie-and-Chris sized hole in his chest was filled back up, even more than it had ever been. Everything was absolutely, unbelievably perfect.

Chim sidled up next to him on the sofa.

“So, uh… when exactly did you guys start this thing?” Chim whispered from next to Buck. “’cause, y’know, I could still win this thing.”

Buck wacked him over the head with Eddie’s book.

“Ow! Buck! We could’ve shared the spoils!”

They got home around midnight that night, after a rough shift.

Smoke was still clinging to them, exhaustion heavy like a cloak, but, somehow, they were both grinning like idiots.

Carla was waiting in the living room for them, the entire house dark and just the small lamplight glowing at her side as she read a novel on her lap. She looked up when they stumbled in, immediately echoing their smiles.

“Well, you boys look pretty upbeat for a couple of tired firefighters. That twelve-hour shift not enough for you anymore?” Carla whispered.

“Oh, no, it was plenty,” Buck whispered back, taking off his jacket to hang on the peg in the hall. “But at least Bobby made my favorite bacon and potato casserole for dinner, so I’m happy and fed.”

“That’s good to hear.” Carla closed her book and got up from her chair. “Well, if you two were still hungry by any chance, there’s some leftover chicken parm and spinach pasta in the fridge.” 

“Ooh, now I’m hungry. Carla, you are a saint,” Buck cooed, immediately bounding off to the kitchen.

Eddie watched him go, grinning after him. He exchanged his jacket for Carla’s, and handed it to her when she walked to the door to grab her purse and keys. “Thanks, Carla,” he whispered. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d do alright,” Carla said with a small smile, before she grabbed Eddie and pulled him down into a hug. “I’m so happy you’re happy, Eddie.”

His grin was decidedly more sheepish when he pulled away, but he opened the door for her and uttered another thank you as she left.

“Carla’s chicken parm is amazing,” Buck whispered around a mouthful as Eddie came into the kitchen, watching Buck hunch over the table with his second dinner.

He couldn’t help his smile. “Yeah, I know. I’m gonna go shower. See you in bed?”

Buck looked up with a dopey grin. “Yeah. Be there in a bit.”

Eddie showered, getting into the soft, cool comfort of the clean sheets, feeling his muscles ache as he finally relaxed. He heard the shower turn on down the hall, then off again after a few minutes, Buck’s gentle footsteps pattering down the hall to the bedroom. Buck’s weight shifted the mattress, and he immediately tucked himself into Eddie’s side, their hands finding each other and intertwining. Buck nuzzled up, finding Eddie’s lips into the dark.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

Eddie’s heart was settled. “Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Eddie’s alarm went off the next morning at seven to get Chris up and ready for school. He left Buck sleeping in bed, kissing his forehead softly as he left their little cocoon of warmth, leaving a note on the door when he took Chris to school.

On his way back, he stopped at Buck’s favorite café and got them each a pastry and an extra cinnamon roll for when Chris got home.

Buck was up and yawning when Eddie got back home, a pot of coffee brewing in the kitchen and filling the entire house with the rich scent of it. Eddie followed his nose, finding Buck leaning against the kitchen counter next to the bubbling pot, his eyes still half-closed as he drew a hand over his face. When he saw Eddie hovering at the entrance to the kitchen, he broke into a grin. “Hey, Eds. I just put the coffee—”

Eddie strode across the kitchen in two long sweeps and dragged Buck into a kiss, pastries crackling against their ears as he brought their faces together.

“Mhm.” Buck grinned as they pulled away. “You’re happy today.”

“More than I’ve ever been,” Eddie agreed, keeping one hand cradled against Buck’s cheek as he let the other with the pastries slink down. “I got us breakfast. Well, brunch, I didn’t think you’d be up already.”

“I don’t sleep that late.”

“Well—”

Buck rolled his eyes and gave Eddie another kiss. “Mhm—coffee,” Buck mumbled against his lips. “And I—teeth—brush—need to—”

“I’ll heat up our breakfast.” Eddie pulled away, playfully swatting Buck on the ass as he walked away. “I got you an almond croissant, by the way!”

“Thank you!” Buck yelled back, already out of the kitchen.

Eddie heated up each of their croissants, filling two cups with hot coffee and adding sugar and milk. He handed Buck his mug as he came back into the kitchen, earning himself another quick, filthy kiss. They ate their pastries in between tasting each other’s lips and tongue, each kiss sweeter and stickier than the last.

Eventually, the last pieces of breakfast got abandoned in favor of making out, Eddie pressing Buck up against the counter, thumbs digging into his hipbones.

“You’re so—” Buck gasped, biting at Eddie’s lip, pausing the words. “—hot.”

“Wanna make it even hotter?” Eddie asked, pulling at the drawstrings of Buck’s sweatpants to pull him away from the counter. “I mean—” Pause for breath. Another kiss. “—the kitchen is—great and all, but—”

“Bedroom,” Buck agreed, following as Eddie yanked him forward. “Definitely bedroom.”

They stumbled down the hallway, scattering clothes as they went, leaving a trail of fabric and lust in their wake. Eddie pressed Buck up against every available flat surface until they finally reached the bedroom, shoving Buck through the entryway and onto the mattress.

Buck’s grin was lascivious when he looked up at Eddie through his lashes, flat on his back on the bed.

Eddie was ravenous. He wanted this – he wanted every single part of it – now that he knew there wouldn’t be anything they’ll regret after this. They could do anything and everything they’ve ever wanted to do – and they had the rest of their lives to do it.

“I want you,” Eddie growled out, crawling over Buck to join their mouths again, lips already spit-slick and tingling with abuse.

Buck moaned against Eddie’s tongue, rumbling out, “Want you too—want you so bad—”

“No, I mean—” Eddie pulled away an inch, pulling Buck back by his hair when he tried to follow. Eddie caught Buck’s gaze. “I mean, I want you inside me.”

“O—oh.” Buck’s hips stuttered, then bucked up against Eddie, almost sending Eddie sprawling.

Eddie dug his fingertips into Buck’s bare, muscled shoulders, spreading his knees a little more so their groins were better aligned. The only remaining clothing between them was their underwear and Buck’s left sock.

Eddie dragged his hands down Buck’s chest, leaving white lines down his pecs, leaning down to lave his tongue over Buck’s nipple. “You like that idea?” Eddie asked as Buck let out a low moan. “You wanna fuck me, Buck?”

“Mhhhm,” Buck let out in a low, drawn-out whine, nodding vehemently. Eddie’s hands kept their path down, hooking his thumbs into Buck’s boxers and tugging them off. Buck’s cock sprung free, still intimidatingly large and dark red at the head, desperate for attention. Eddie shuffled back, momentarily on his feet as he chucked both their boxers and Buck’s single sock to the farthest corner of the room, before he got back on top of Buck.

Buck was looking up at him with lust-drunk blue eyes, gaze tracking down to where Eddie dragged his nails over the soft skin of his silver-streaked thighs. The side of Eddie’s hand brushed against the base of Buck’s cock, causing him to let out a mewl.

“Touch me,” Buck begged. “Please—”

Eddie closed his hand around Buck and gave a single stroke up, collecting the precome beading at the tip, before he dragged his fist back down. Buck arched his back, a shiver running through his body.

Eddie leaned over to grab the lube from the drawer in an impressive balancing act, letting go of Buck’s cock again. It slapped against his lower belly, and Buck reached down, taking Eddie’s cock in his grip, making Eddie’s job of locating the lube significantly more difficult.

Eddie finally got the little bottle of lube and turned back to see Buck’s eyes intent on him. The lust was still there, but his gaze was a little clearer. He held up an open palm, and Eddie put the slippery bottle into it.

“Turn over,” Buck said, gently, voice barely a rasp. “It’ll be easier on your stomach. The first time.”

Eddie slowly climbed off Buck’s lap, settling himself next to Buck on his stomach, grinding his cock into the sheets for just a little bit of friction to take the edge of.

Buck turned and caught Eddie’s mouth first, licking his tongue right in, over his canines, scraping his teeth against Eddie’s bottom lip until Eddie let out a groan. Then, Buck moved to his neck, and left a stinging hickey right beneath Eddie’s ear.

His mouth traveled, leaving drying trails of spit and shivers down Eddie’s spine, kissing each and every rib, licking down to where the little divots of his hipbones appeared on his lower back. And then, right as Eddie was about to protest in his heavily dazed and relaxed state, Buck went even lower, licking right over Eddie’s hole.

Eddie clenched, involuntarily, at the sensation. A fizz of sparks exploded in his brain as Buck did it again, causing Eddie to moan and writhe.

“Lift up your hips,” Buck said, sounding utterly debauched, “just a little.”

Eddie complied, lifting his hips until he could feel exactly where he was utterly exposed. Buck’s hands settled on either sides of his cheeks, and pulled them apart before diving back in with another, flat-tongued stripe over his hole. His tongue was warm and wet, and Eddie felt his spine dissolving, his hands grabbing onto the nearest pillow to dig his nails into.

Buck’s tongue pointed, and right as Eddie felt himself relax again, it went in. Just past the muscle, and Eddie immediately tensed up again at the new sensation, grinding down on his teeth not to make an embarrassing sound.

“That—that okay?” Buck asked when he pulled away, and Eddie opened his mouth, but all that came out was a whimper.

“Yeah—” Eddie finally got out. “Y—yeah. Keep going.”

Buck bent back down, pressing his tongue back over the furled muscle and pointing it again to press just past it. He started licking in earnest, and Eddie could feel where the saliva started gathering, leaking down his hole as fireworks erupted somewhere in his brain.

“I’m—” Buck pulled away again, and Eddie almost whined at the loss in sensation. “I’m gonna add fingers, now. That okay?”

Eddie nodded into the pillow at his head, only looking over his shoulder at Buck’s hesitation. He swallowed, looking at Buck with honest, open want. “Yes. Buck—I want you. Do it.”

Buck nodded, licking his lips, and Eddie turned his face back into the pillow. The snick of the lube cap felt too loud, and there was the indecent sound of it being poured out into Buck’s hand. “This might be a little cold. Try to relax, okay?”

Eddie nodded again, waiting as Buck let the lube warm up in his hand for a second.

Buck’s fingertips were gentle when they circled Eddie’s hole, letting a little bit of the lube drip down to Eddie’s balls. The first fingertip put light pressure on the muscle, before retracting again and going back to circling, right against the ridged skin.

Eddie startled when Buck’s other hand, already slick with lube, reached down to his cock. He stroked with a firm, closed grip, causing Eddie to let out another moan.

The first finger slipped in, right past the tight ring of muscle. Eddie’s moan broke off, a little more choked, a little surprised, as Buck pushed in to the first knuckle. The fingertip pulled back, before pushing a little bit further. The glide was slick and easy from the lube and Buck’s saliva. It pressed in further, until the webbing of Buck’s fingers got in the way, and he pulled it back out again. When he pressed it back in again, it was faster, easier.

Buck gave a few thrusts with just the one, and it felt strange, but kind of nice. Eddie didn’t mind the intrusion – especially because it was Buck – but the feeling itself didn’t evoke any kind of pleasure. It was just kind of… strange. New.

Buck pulled the finger all the way out again, and when he pressed back in, there were two fingertips stretching at Eddie’s hole. Eddie clenched, on automatic, but Buck remembered the hand on Eddie’s cock and gave him a few strokes to get him back to full hardness and distracted. As soon as Eddie was breathing shakily again, Buck sunk the two fingers in.

It was definitely more of a stretch this time. Buck did not have small fingers, for one, and the two next to each other was bigger than anything Eddie’s had up there before. It didn’t hurt, but it was most definitely other.

Buck eased the fingers all the way in, this time, instead of the stop-start he’d done with just the one. When he pulled them back out, he added a little more lube, before pressing them back in faster, and harder. He also curled his fingers – a very strange thing to be feeling from the inside – and it was almost as if Buck was feeling around Eddie’s inner walls, the pads of his fingers stroking, until—

Eddie hips bucked, catching Buck by surprise when his fingertips stroked over Eddie’s prostate. Stars scattered behind Eddie’s eyelids, his brain shouting more, more, more!

“Found it,” Buck murmured, evidently proud of himself, before he let go of Eddie’s cock and settled his free hand on Eddie’s hip to keep him still, leaving streaks of lube everywhere he touched. Buck stroked over the same spot again, pressing a little more gently, and Eddie let out a wanton moan. “Yeah, there we go. Just like that.”

It wasn’t long before Buck added more lube and a third finger, after scissoring the first two and stretching Eddie’s hole even more, and Eddie—

Eddie felt like he could burst. Buck wasn’t touching his cock at all anymore, and with his hips in the air, he couldn’t even grind down on the sheets, but he felt like he was already on the edge of coming. It was a deeper, more encompassing feeling, too, than just when he’d touch his cock. Every time Buck stroked over his prostate, it felt like Eddie’s entire body was poised and focused on that one, singular spot.

“Okay,” Buck said, voice gravel as pulled out his fingers. Eddie whimpered at the loss, then bit on his bottom lip to try to break off the sound. He felt empty. He could feel the cold, empty air where his hole was stretched and open. It still felt strange, but all he could think about was the want. The indescribable, all-encompassing feeling of how much he wanted Buck.

Buck leaned down, laying a soft kiss right on Eddie tailbone. “I think you’re ready,” Buck murmured. “But we’re gonna go really slow, and you need to tell me if it hurts, okay?”

Eddie nodded into the sheets, his pillow having been shoved away when Buck had hit his prostate at a particularly sensitive angle.

“Turn around?” Buck asked, voice still incredibly gentle, and Eddie felt his muscles protest as he leaned on his elbows to flop over onto his back. It was an immediate relief as he slumped, boneless, and opened his eyes to settle them on Buck’s beautiful face.

Buck was smiling, softly. “Hey.”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile, too. “Hey, Buck.”

Buck leaned down, covering Eddie’s entire body with his warm, soft skin. Their mouths met, but right before the kiss could get any rougher, Buck pulled away, and Eddie’s entire front went cold as he swept off the bed. “Be right back,” Buck called before Eddie could get a heart attack, disappearing down the hallway. Eddie heard the tap running in the bathroom, and then the sound of brushing teeth. He rolled his eyes, grinning at the ceiling. Adorable, thoughtful, considerate dork.

Buck was back less than a minute later, immediately settling back over Eddie, mouth distinctly tasting of toothpaste and mouthwash. Kisses now mint-flavored, their tongues and teeth once again took over as they tried – very desperately – to crawl inside of the other using their mouths alone. Eddie felt inexplicably possessive of Buck – if he could sow Buck to his skin, keep him against him forever, just like this, he would. But Eddie also wanted to live inside of Buck – to never be separated from him again, to never have to leave or hurt him, to just exist between his ribs or the divots of his collarbones, and never have to worry about them being apart again.

Their erections brushed as they kissed, and it was quickly becoming unbearable to do nothing more than touch. The indirect stimulation was driving Eddie up the wall, causing him to drive his hips up against Buck with every thrust of his tongue into Buck’s mouth. He needed more. He needed to be filled.

Buck got the memo, because their sloppy kisses turned into Buck licking down Eddie’s neck, scraping his teeth over his Adam’s apple and nipples, before being careful to hover just above Eddie, meeting his eyes as their harsh, hot breaths collided. “Are you ready?” Buck murmured in a rasp, barely an inch away, all of his skin against all of Eddie’s. And they were about to be even closer.

Eddie didn’t so much say his consent as he moaned it, pressing his erection up and searching for stimulation. His hole was still open, fluttering around absolutely nothing, and that was unacceptable. “Buck,” he grated out, reaching up his hand to let his fingers graze over the side of Buck’s face, before they settled in his hair. “Please. Fuck me.”

Buck nodded, eyes almost glazing over with lust. Their gaze broke, just for a second as Buck looked down and properly lined himself up, the head of his dick brushing against Eddie’s hole as he kept a firm grasp on the base. Their eyes met once again, shining with lust, and love, and trust, as Buck kept himself steady and finally pushed in.

The first inch felt almost unbearable. It was new, and strange, and slow, and it hurt just the tiniest bit as the thickest part of the head pushed and – finally – popped inside. Eddie let out a groan from the deepest part of his lungs, with Buck making a high-pitched, desperate sound above him. “You’re—fuck, so hot—so hot, and tight—you’re too tight, Eddie, you need to—to—relax—”

Eddie nodded, trying to breath as Buck kept himself still, a shuddering livewire poised above him. “Can you—” Eddie asked, and the words came out completely breathless. “Kiss me.”

Buck immediately leaned down and slipped his tongue into Eddie’s mouth. The slight change in Buck’s posture caused his cock to slip just a little bit further into Eddie. Both of them let out twin moans into each other’s mouths.

“Fuck—fuck—”

“Do it,” Eddie groaned. “C’mon—more.”

Buck’s mouth pulled away from his again as he balanced on his elbows, giving himself the leverage he needed to pull out – until just the head of his cock was still inside—and then gave the next, small thrust in. His cock was—big. Massive. Eddie felt so full— a different kind of fullness he’s never experienced before, especially as Buck pulled out again and then thrust another inch deeper.

By the time Buck was fully seated, moisture clung to Eddie’s lashes, both of their faces and bodies covered in sweat. Buck sunk back down to get their mouths back together, barely a kiss more than the sharing of breath, pausing, letting Eddie adjust to the full length of him.

Eddie brought his legs up, curling them around Buck’s sides and digging his heels into the thick of Buck’s thighs. “Move,” Eddie demanded, urgency crawling and twisting inside him, pleasure like a flood of warmth through his entire body. “C’mon, Buck—fuck me.”

Buck’s hips immediately snapped, pulling out of him before pressing back in, the glide smoother now that Eddie was relaxed and open. It was a rough—push and pull—give and take—as Eddie moaned out harder—faster—kiss me— and Buck complied without thought.

The entire room stunk of sweat and sex, the only sound echoing through the entire house the slick, indecent sounds of where they connected, of Buck’s hips snapping into Eddie, of faster, harder—

Buck hit his prostate like it was target practice. They kissed when they could, Eddie's nails digging into Buck's back as he felt he could crawl out of his skin with pleasure.

Eddie could barely moan a warning before he was coming between their stomachs, the only words on his breath fuck and Buck and I love you! as Buck laid a gentle hand on him and stroked him through it, hot breath against Eddie’s neck, hair tickling his cheek.

Buck slowed, keeping himself still above Eddie as Eddie came down from the orgasm, thighs shaking around Buck’s hips. Buck’s dick was still hot and hard inside of him.

“You—” Eddie grunted out, breath racing like he’d run a marathon, or jumped out of a plane. “Your turn. Come—inside me.”

Buck pulled away, arms shaking as he held himself up, cheeks red, sweat on his brow. “Eddie, are you- you sure? It—it’s a little uncomf—”

“I said—” Eddie dug his heels into Buck’s ass, causing his hips to snap into Eddie, both of them letting out a groan. Buck was already right on the edge, and Eddie wanted even more. He wanted to be marked—to be had—he wanted everything. “—come in me.”

Buck panted, keeping himself up and holding onto the headboard as he started moving his hips faster, harder, chasing his own release as Eddie’s come dried between them. Eddie reached up, pressing his fingers against Buck’s open lips, past hot, rushing breath, and Buck moaned around them as Eddie pressed down on his tongue. He could feel when Buck came inside him, another strange, new sensation, but arousal flared hot and bright in Eddie’s stomach, and he wished he could get hard again so they could do this over, and over, and over again—

Buck collapsed on top of Eddie, powerless, the muscles of his abdomen twitching as Eddie drew slow hands over his sides, his back, his shoulders.

“Fuck,” Buck breathed out, completely boneless, a hot, heavy mass keeping Eddie pinned to the bed. He showered sloppy, exhausted kisses all over Eddie’s throat, his cheeks, his nose, and finally, one last kiss on his lips, before they both just grinned and tried to catch their breaths.

They were completely gross. Full of sweat, and drying come, and Eddie could feel the tacky lube and Buck’s come as it dripped from his ass when Buck pulled out. It was—definitely not one of Eddie’s favorite feelings.

“That was…” Eddie murmured, keeping his hand in Buck’s hair.

Buck tilted his face so he could see Eddie’s eyes. “…okay? Not okay?”

“Amazing,” Eddie decided, laying his lips against Buck’s temple. “And… new.”

“Would you… do it again?”

Eddie bit at the inside of his cheek, nuzzling his nose against Buck’s cheek. “Oh, believe me. As soon as you’re ready to go again, we’re doing another round. Or—the other way around. I don’t care, I just—I love you.”

Buck grinned, bright, right against Eddie’s skin. “Yeah, I’m good with that. And I love you, too. So much.”

Silence fell over them as they basked in each other’s presence, Buck flopping over onto his side next to Eddie. Eddie turned, laying his head on Buck’s chest. With the sudden movement, Eddie felt more come drip from his hole.

“Never mind. We need to go shower,” Eddie grumbled.

Buck drew lazy fingers through his hair, causing him to let out a sound almost like a purr. “Oh, yeah. The—that’s the uncomfortable part. I mean, I did try to warn you—”

“Shut it, Buckley,” Eddie groaned. “And we need to go grab Chris from school at two.”

“Mhm. We still have time. Maybe a little nap?”

Eddie stretched, flopping out a blind hand for his phone. “I’ll set an alarm.”

Buck pulled him back in before he could do it, dragging his fingernails against his scalp as their mouths met in a kiss. They were both back to breathless when they pulled away, smiling against each other’s lips.

“I can’t wait to do this for the rest of my life,” Buck whispered, pulling Eddie back against him.

Eddie grinned, going willingly. “Me neither.”

...the end.