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Shatter

Summary:

"Shatterpoints were akin to fault lines, similar to different pathways of actions. Adept Force users were able to perceive these faults through the Force, and influence them." - Wookieepedia

Ahsoka leaves. Shatterpoints appear. Anakin pokes one. Reality unfolds differently, Ahsoka's not alone, Anakin puts his angst to good use, and Windu gets a well-deserved earful.

Notes:

I've always been hella fascinated by the idea of shatterpoints, which made me wonder if Anakin, being an actual Force baby, could see and possibly mess with them. So I decided to apply that theory to the Wrong Jedi arc of TCW and see what happened. (BTW, MAJOR spoilers for the Wrong Jedi arc in TCW lie ahead!) All feedback, including concrit, is welcome and appreciated. Thanks for reading!
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Work Text:

He'd always seen spiderwebs. Cracks, strings, solid form lightning bolts, whatever you wanted to call them.

Sometimes they were nothing but ephemeral blips on the edge of his peripheral vision. Other times they looked more like solid glowing cracks in the walls of reality itself.

He initially had no idea what the kriff they were, but they had their own Force signatures. And if that hadn't been weird enough, they didn't even resonate on a steady frequency like a living being or entity would. They seemed to be more like small, localized disturbances, existing in some odd state of flux, like a computer glitch that could just as easily be poked at and exploited as dummied out and patched up. But each one felt different. Some felt menacing, some felt inviting, and some seemed to be fairly neutral and unconcerned with this plane of existence at all.

This one seemed to stare right at him, waiting for something. Inviting him to poke at it, but its intensity was frightening.

He didn't know what to make of it.

Hell, he hadn't known what to make of any of them. They'd just be there, then not, and if it hadn't been for the unmistakable force signatures, he would have thought he was seeing things.

He'd recognized at some point they always seemed to appear when important events were taking place - important to his life, or important in the grander scheme of things, he wasn't sure, but they seemed to be harbingers of pivotal moments in time.

And over the past few days, they'd seemed to be everywhere, and centralized on Ahsoka.

Inside the temple a few moments ago, for the first time he could recall, there had been two at once. One was centered on Master Windu when he'd given that ridiculous speech to Ahsoka about how the Force had merely been testing her. As soon as the words had escaped Windu's mouth, Anakin thought he'd heard an audible crack, like the shattering of glass, and the peculiar shimmery thing had faded itself from reality, like Windu had specifically ordered it to go away when he spoke his words, and the shimmercrack had dutifully obliged, vanishing in a soft ripple of air.

Then another had appeared over Ahsoka, and as she closed Anakins's open palm and curled his fingers around her braid, rejecting the invitation to return, this one had shattered too, an ominous sort of shattering that felt like an off-key note in a funeral dirge and resonated at a frequency that felt like reality was recoiling from an unexpected slap.

And now, outside the temple, another shimmercrack hung in the air, and this one seemed focused equally between the two of them. It flickered and winked at him, solid and real but terrifying, begging to be burst open, come Pandora's box or whatever else it might unleash.

She kept walking.

The crack began to fade.

He reached inside himself for the familiar embrace of angry darkness that had become his twisted comfort at times like this.

Ahsoka's form stepped further toward the temple stairs. The anger inside him surged to life, a burning electric current in his veins.

Release it to the Force, he thought. Release the anger. Allow it to pass.

The anger, however, seemed to have other plans. It bucked against him, welled up and flared, a solid, corporeal, toxic thing churning in his stomach.

He willed it to dissipate, to dissolve into the air around him, to become one with the universe. It seemed distantly amused at the idea, then dug its claws into the Light in his heart and twisted.

You failed her, it whispered in his ear in a voice that sounded just like his. You can't even protect your own Padawan, Chosen One, and you're supposed to save the galaxy? What a cosmic joke. He could swear he felt the thing inside him sneer as it pulsed again with icyblack flames, weaving tendrils of fiery darkness through his heart, into his bloodstream, through his mind. You're a fuck-up. Of course she's leaving you. She's not stupid. She knows she's better off with you nowhere around. She's probably relieved she finally had an excuse to get away! The inky fire pooled in the pit of his stomach and pulsed with increasing fury through his blood until he heard it throbbing and rushing in his ears. At least she had the mercy to lie and say it wasn't about you. You know it's a crock, but it's sweet she had the grace to pity you. Some people are able to control themselves, you know. Unlike you.

Anakin balled his hands into fists. He told the smoldering black fire-thing to shut the hell up. The fire-thing blazed in response. Everything you love, you're going to push away or lose. You don't deserve any of them. Couldn't save your mother, now you nearly let your Padawan die, who's next?

Anakin tried again to center himself. The force slipped through his grasp. The fire-thing continued to taunt him.

Or will you do the galaxy a favor and let it be you? That would be best, you know. Just stay here at the temple and rot. You know you were born to be a slave. The Hutts, Watto, the Jedi order - it's all the same. You're a puppet, and that's all you deserve to be. At least with the Jedi using you as a weapon, you might do some good and take some of the bad guys out with you. Badguys other than you, anyway. Only good you'll ever do. You're worst of all, but as long as you self-destruct in the end, everything else is just a bonus.

Ahsoka continued to walk. The shimmercrack continued to fade.

Let her go. It's for the best. She deserves a life without you dragging her down, and you deserve to feel the loss. You fucked up. You keep fucking up. You'll always fuck up.

Anakin bit back a shout of rage. At himself, at the Jedi, at this war, at the Force itself.

Release my anger to the Force? he thought silently, furiously, mockingly repeating the mantra of his Jedi training to himself. He tried to center again. He failed. He reached inward toward the frozen ball that had grown into a molten pit in his stomach, its ice-shard tendrils shredding his veins as he yanked the brunt of it out by the roots. The Force can kriffing HAVE it.

With all the strength and power he possessed, he hurled the iceball straight toward the glimmering crack in front of him.

The crack didn't so much shatter as explode.

An invisible wall of air...reality...something erupted into translucent, amorphous shards that sliced at the air itself as they flew and fell, cutting the fabric of the universe into tattered disarray. And before Anakin could so much as blink, reality mended itself, the gashes and tears folding in and healing, the air wavering slightly in adjustment, and the shards of the previous, now-obliterated reality vanishing, reabsorbed by the Force. The remnants of the dark, icy bomb were absorbed along with it.

Ahsoka continued her retreat, seemingly oblivious to whatever had just happened.

Anakin felt separated from his own body for a moment, then felt his vocal cords vibrate.

"Can I come with you?"

The words were out of his mouth before he realized he'd said them.

Wide-eyed, she turned back around to face him. Out of all the things she'd been expecting him to do or say, that clearly hadn't been on the list.

He was still reeling from whatever he'd just done, but no matter what sort of secret brawl he'd just finished having with the Force or the fabric of reality itself, walking away from the Jedi hadn't been on his list either. At least not consciously. But he'd said it, and as soon as he did, he'd known without a doubt he meant it, and he needed to make sure she realized he meant it too.

And that damnable wave of hatred inside him that he normally reached for in times like this wasn't there for him this time. Pieces of it were, because pieces of it were always there and always part of him, and seeds of it would always be there ready to sprout and take hold because that's just part of who and what he was. His soul was fertile ground for that sort of thing, if not a pre-sown field in itself. But the giant smoldering lump of it that, moments ago, had burned and nearly consumed him from the inside had just been ripped asunder and hurled into Force-knows-where.

So now what? He blinked. He took a step toward her. He stammered but no words came out.

She raised an ivory-marked brow at him, incredulous and probably suspecting he was hatching some ploy to get her to stay. But he sensed confusion rather than anger through their bond, so he grasped desperately for words and tried to explain.

"I..." He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Ahsoka, you're right. About everything. They didn't trust you. Kriff it, they almost got you killed! They don't deserve you, and if this is their idea of keeping the peace, then they don't deserve me either, no matter what their stupid prophecy says, and that pompous koochoo Windu..." He trailed off then straightened his shoulders. "What I'm trying to say is, they were wrong for not trusting you, and I don't want to be part of an organization whose principles include throwing their members to the wolves and playing politics with innocent lives."

The truth of the matter was, he didn't give a fluffy nerf's ass about any organization or any externally imposed ideals - only about Ahsoka and Obi-Wan and Padme, and the rest of the universe could go kriff itself raw while he watched. And this particular organization didn't have a great track record for helping him protect the people he loved, so the hell with them.

"So you want to resign because you object to the Jedi ideal of being a pompous koochoo?"

Anakin grinned somewhat ruefully. "That too." His expression sobered. "Look, Ahsoka. You can say no. To me coming with you, I mean, if that's not what you want." He tried to make that sound as sincere as he could, and he hoped his underlying fear didn't make itself known through their bond. "You left, so I'm not your master anymore. I can't order you to do anything, and I taught you better than to follow orders anyway." That got a ghost of a smile. Good. "But I trust your judgment way more than I trust theirs, and no matter what choice you make, I'm done with any organization that conducts itself like that." No effort was required to make that last part sound sincere. If anything, the only effort necessary was to keep another barrage of colorful vocabulary words from unleashing itself to emphasize the sentiment.

She stared straight at him and reached her mind toward their bond, searching. He held her gaze, terrified of showing vulnerability, especially to someone he was supposed to be strong for, especially at a time like this when every defensive instinct he had was telling him to shield his weaknesses and project a perfect image of unshakable confidence.

But after what she'd just been through, after what the people she'd trusted had done to her, the only way he could be strong for her now was to show her without a doubt he was sincere. She was clearly questioning everything - other people's motives, her own judgment, all of it, and with good reason. And the only way through it was to resign himself to the fact that, right now, her trust was more important than his pride.

He closed his eyes for a moment and gently eased his end of their Force bond open. For the first time ever, he pulled away the carefully-placed filters and smoke screens, letting his emotional spectrum flow freely through.

Ahsoka's eyes widened from the intensity of the onslaught and he winced at her reaction, terrified he'd frightened her, or disgusted her, or flat-out damaged her with the shock of it.

Dammit, focus! he scolded himself, closing his eyes again, focusing inward, and trying to take stock of everything he felt swirling through him - fear, anger, sadness, frustration... but also determination, hope, and love. No intent to deceive. Nothing hidden, scrambled or blurred. Just himself, everything there.

He opened his eyes again and looked into hers, a wordless oath of sincerity. She could do anything at this point - crush him utterly, run in fear from the shards of the Dark Side they both knew were inside him, reject him for being a false Jedi who allowed himself any of these emotions let alone all of them at once - or worst of all, pity him as weak and pathetic and simply walk away because she'd risen so far above him.

All he could do was trust her and hope.

The few seconds that passed seemed like forever. And then a wave of love, reassurance, and acceptance flowed back through their bond.

He felt slender arms encircle his waist and the warmth of her body press against his chest. "If you trust me to see you that scared, I know you're for real," she said in a deceptively light tone, but the underlying message was both serious and clear. "Go get Artoo, Skyguy. I'll wait for you here."

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"Cut the Sith spit!" His words were clipped and furious as he stood in the council chamber, listening to a lecture about Jedi wisdom, letting go of attachments, and the importance of not making rash decisions. "Are you talking about the Jedi wisdom that got my mother killed after I was wisely counseled to ignore my visions, or the Jedi wisdom that handed an innocent kid over to a military tribunal for a death sentence?"

Silence.

"Well I'm glad we cleared that up," he growled through gritted teeth, locking eyes with Yoda, then Windu.

Unsurprisingly, his unannounced, unceremonious stride into the council chamber with Artoo at his heels, followed by his equally unceremonious declaration that he was formally withdrawing from the Order and renouncing his rank as Jedi Knight had not gone over too well.

The Masters had initially dismissed it as silly theatrics, but when Anakin had repeated in calm, measured tones that he wished to formally address the Council, and repeated his resignation in those same calm, measured tones - with fists clutched tightly at his side and his back held with unyielding rigidity - the entire climate of the room had changed.

Obi-Wan had looked equal parts horrified, pained, and like he'd sort of seen this coming. The others radiated everything from anger to annoyance to flat-out disbelief.

And then of course, once it sank in that he was indeed serious, all of them indignantly tried to argue with him - telling him why he couldn't leave, how it wasn't the will of the Force, how it wasn't wise, and whatever other empty, hollow, self-righteous platitudes they could dream up.

Anakin, being Anakin, always gave as good as he got, especially in the argument department. And though he'd done an impressive job of holding his temper in check while calmly repeating that yes, he was serious, and repeating his reasons why, his patience was wearing thin. Very thin. And he currently found himself teetering on the brink of suggesting the lot of them recuse themselves from the Council and assign themselves to AgriCorps because all they knew how to do was shovel bantha shit.

"Knight Skywalker." Master Windu's imposing baritone cut in, "If what you're trying to say…"

The last gossamer thread of patience snapped and Anakin whirled furiously to face the older man. "What I'm saying is that while I don't agree with Barriss' tactics, there was more wisdom in what she said during her confession than in anything I've ever heard said in this room! This entire council has got its head so far up its ass, it's no wonder all it can see is darkness!"

Artoo emphasized Anakin's statement with a spirited whistle-beep, which lightened Anakin's heart and prompted Windu to stand up and begin striding purposefully toward them both. Artoo gave a warning trill and Anakin squared his shoulders, reaching for the saber on his belt. If he had to fight his way out, so be it. Hell, he welcomed the opportunity! But Windu brushed past him and headed for Artoo, who beeped loudly in protest.

"That droid..."

"...is property of Senator Amidala," responded Anakin in a measured tone, mentally adding on on you know, my wife, who I finally won't have to keep secret anymore once you and your stupid rules quit forcing me to live a lie. "This R2 unit was left in my care. And as an astromech with combat programming and extensive experience on the battlefield, he's considered a valuable piece of military equipment. So unless your intention, Master Windu, is to destroy military equipment belonging to a government official during a time of war, you might want to keep your hands off him." Anakin narrowed his eyes and fixed Windu with a stare that could have melted the temple's stone walls. "Because you have my word that if you happen to find yourself on trial for treason, you can expect every bit as much help and compassion from me as you showed to Ahsoka." Anakin took a step toward Windu, daring the senior Jedi to rise to the challenge. "After all," he snarled, "I wouldn't want to interfere with the will of the Force if it's trying to give you a test."

The atmosphere in the council chamber hung thick and dense in the air as neither Jedi spoke, moved, or averted his gaze. Anakin sensed another shimmercrack forming around him as the stand-off intensified, and he silently willed it to kriff off.

Finally, Obi-Wan's voice broke through the tension, his tone closer to a plea than an accusation. "You have a duty to uphold, Anakin. Everyone in this room is relying on you."

Anakin turned to face his former master with both affection and determination in his eyes, and the shimmercrack obediently vanished. "I'm not turning my back on any individual in this room, Obi-Wan, or on the Force. But this hypocritical clusterf….organization has developed a habit of turning its back on everything it claims to value, including its own members and ideals. My duty is to the Light, and to my student. The Jedi Order has abandoned both. And if the council won't learn from its mistakes, then I will."

"She's not your student anymore, Anakin," Windu interrupted. "Your duty is to the Jedi order, and you are, once again, allowing your attachments to cloud your judgment."

Anakin physically felt his blood pressure spike, a furious retort on the tip of his tongue. You self-righteous son of a Geonosian assworm, I'm going to release your skull to the Force if you don't...

But instead, he calmed himself. Deep breath. Center your energy. "You're this desperately opposed to my departure, Master Windu?" he asked mildly. "To the point where you're raising your voice in the council chamber, threatening a senator's droid, and attempting to debate my right to my own freedom - all over some ancient prophecy the Order put their faith in?" Anakin steepled his fingers in mock contemplation and met the older Jedi's steely gaze. "Sounds like you're allowing your attachments to cloud your judgment, Master Windu. You might want to meditate on that."

Anakin could swear he felt Obi-Wan choke back a startled laugh through their bond, and the last of Anakin's doubts dissipated. He'd just received confirmation that, Jedi affiliation be damned, Obi-Wan was first and foremost his friend, and that was the final piece of business he had in this room. Force be with you, brother, Anakin silently communicated back, knowing the precise words wouldn't translate through the bond, but the gist of the sentiment most definitely would. You know where to find me.

"C'mon, Artoo," he said, feeling the first true whispers of peace stirring his heart in many, many years. "Let's get out of here."

Golden light streamed through the windows from the evening sun. The world outside was waiting. Anakin was done being a slave.