Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The taste of champagne on his lips, and then – the taste of him as well.

The sensation of holding his thighs against him, the way his hands eclipsed each of them.

The feeling of his body around him –

And then the silence afterwards, the awkwardness of redressing.

The way he avoided eye contact.

‘Goodnight. See you tomorrow.’

Jayce hated his job, sometimes.

He was very much not a desk guy, and yet, somehow, despite being the leader of his own fucking company, this was what he had become. He’d done a lot of work to try and make desk work less gruelling. He had a desk that could convert to a stand up treadmill desk. He had so many fidget toys. He got one of those really satisfying clacky keyboards that felt amazing to type on. He had one of those ridiculous ergonomic chairs with no back that were meant to be good for your spine that made him feel like such a dickhead when he tried to explain it.

And he was still there. Staring at the wall. Trying to will down the time until this fucking online meeting with the board that could have easily been an email ended. He stared out of the windows into rest of the space – he wanted to be the friendly, cool, kind of boss who was approachable and visible, and instead he felt like a weird zoo animal people stared at sometimes – and wished he could be an intern in his own company. He had a window into the lab, could see people working quietly. He noticed most of them worked with their back to him, and realised they were probably also feeling watched. He hadn’t put it in so he could snoop, he just couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing the lab again. He liked to see them work, and imagine it was him, think about what he would do if he was there.

The board just kept talking. Jayce took a moment to try and calm the bubbling irritation – Mel had pulled him aside once to tell him his looks of disgust were very noticeable, even over Zoom. In his mind he prayed for something to happen. Someone to run in and tell him there was an emergency, something to end this Hell.

Suddenly, his door opened and an intern rushed in, their mouth moving fast.

‘Wait, wait a second,’ he said, muting himself and disconnecting his hearing aids from the call. Salo’s voice cut out halfway through – thank fuck – and he turned back to the intern. ‘Yes, sorry?’

‘Doctor V just fainted.’

I should have been more specific in my wish. Jayce stood up, nearly tripping up as he tried to get out of his ergonomic chair. He unmuted himself to a confused looking board. ‘Hi, sorry, something urgent has come up, I’m going to need to leave the call now, I’ll follow up later. Thanks, bye.’ He didn’t give anyone a chance to say anything before he was closing the window. ‘Alright, let’s go.’

Unlike Jayce, Viktor’s lab was closed off and private, on the other side of the office, behind a coded door. He was a quiet worker, and interacted with a small team of his chosen few. Interns were quietly competitive about who could do the most to impress Doctor Viktor Svetlitskiy – Doctor V if he liked you – because if you could land a position in his lab and keep it, you were pretty much guaranteed a job in the company.

Jayce waited until they got to the elevator to ask what happened.

‘He just got really woozy in the middle of talking, hit the desk, and just went down,’ the intern said, voice tight. ‘Doctor Young told me to come get you, I didn’t see if he woke up or anything, I was already on the way here.’

‘Alright, thank you.’ He was thankful to Sky, at the very least.

He went straight to the lab, entering the code – 1007, the date of their first collaboration – and opened it to find Viktor sat up, Sky on the floor next to him.

‘This really wasn’t necessary,’ Viktor said, leaning against a desk, hand to his head.

Jayce turned to Sky. ‘He just threw up as well,’ she told him.

Viktor gave her a look so dirty it just screamed You Snitch, before he leaned back against the desk. He was clammy, his hair sticking to his face. Once Jayce got onto the floor, Sky discreetly grabbed the trash can, taking it away with her. He made the note to get her a voucher or something. She was always so good with things like this.

‘Want to come for a glass of water?’ Jayce asked, aware of the other interns in the lab hovering, not knowing what to do.

‘Sure. Just let me get off the floor.’

‘Do you want me to –’

‘No.’

Slowly, Viktor got to his feet, wobbling gently, before reaching for his crutches. Jayce let him take the lead, smiling at the workers they passed. They came back to Jayce’s office, him clicking a button for the windows to blur to frosted glass, giving them a bit more privacy.

Viktor sat down on the sofa in the corner, Jayce watching him from the door for a moment, before he went to go get him a drink.

He returned with water and a ginger biscuit, which Viktor crumbled into tiny pieces like he was feeding it to birds, before he picked a piece to chew on.

‘So, I think we should go to see a doctor,’ Jayce said.

‘I’m just nauseous,’ Viktor shot back, taking a sip of water. ‘If I went to the doctor every time I had a symptom, I would not have a job.’

‘What is the nausea a symptom of?’ Jayce shot back. When he first met Viktor, he was terrified of saying the wrong thing, of insulting him. Over ten years later, he was deeply aware of all of Viktor’s disabilities, and knew when he was trying to write things off. ‘Because I know the fainting could be a symptom of your heart condition… and I think that’s a good reason to go get checked out.’

Viktor rolled his eyes, but his jaw was clenched, and he still looked clammy.

‘I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely happy with you saying you’re just ill when you’re sweaty, nauseous and fainting. I know some things about heart conditions, you know.’

Viktor still didn’t say anything, but he also hadn’t opposed this.

‘Here’s what I think,’ Jayce said. ‘I’m going to call Urgent Care, see if we can get an appointment now, and if yes, are you willing to let me take you?’

‘No point having both of us out of the office,’ Viktor mumbled.

Jayce shrugged. ‘Currently my day looks like talking with the board and investors. I’d rather just email them later. Seriously, I’d rather sit in some boring waiting room than do that.’

He weirdly enjoyed days at Urgent Care with Viktor, in an odd way. He enjoyed the caretaker role it put him in. He enjoyed the games they played to keep them occupied. At university, Viktor being an immigrant with family in Europe, Jayce was his emergency contact, his best friend and companion. It was normal for people in their early 20s to go together for moral support, but as men in their 30s, Viktor tended to go alone to appointments now. Jayce missed it.

Viktor sat with his eyes shut – he claimed it helped the nausea. They were playing hangman, but with Jayce doing all of the writing for him.

They were also playing no vowels, because they’d gotten too good at the game.

‘Is there an N?

‘There is an N,  the second last letter.’

Jayce breathed out a sigh of relief, taking a break from building his gallows.

_ _ T _ M _ N _

‘Is there a V?’

‘No.’

The hang rope was drawn.

‘Can I ask did you do a word with a lot of vowels?’

‘There’s three.’

‘That’s not fair, I’m meant to be able to guess two consonants?’

‘You said the game was too easy otherwise.’

‘…Is there an S?’

‘No.’

‘Can I guess some vowels?’

‘If it will stop you having a hissy fit in the hospital waiting room, than sure. We can play it on easy mode.’

Jayce smiled. Even feeling as nauseous as he did, Viktor was still able to joke with him.

‘A?’

‘Between the T and the M.’

_ _ T A M _ N _

 ‘And it’s not vitamins?’

‘No. Jayce. You’ve tried. V and S already. Draw another thing.’

‘That wasn’t my guess –’

‘It sounded like a guess.’

‘E?

‘Second letter, and last letter.’

_ E T A M _ N E

‘For fuck’s sake. It’s Ketamine.’

Viktor smiled, his eyes still shut, his head against the wall.

‘Are you just thinking about it or is that a request?’

‘They wouldn’t give it to me even if I asked. I’d have to get stamped on by a horse or something for them to give me that.’

A nurse came into the near empty room, looking at her paper.

‘Viktor Svet…’

‘Svetlitskiy,’ both of them called out. Jayce got up, stamping on the breaks of the hospital wheelchair, pushing him after the nurse. With a few questions – most of which about his complex and lengthy medical history, they were directed to a small side room. Viktor was given a cup to piss in, and got some blood drawn, which Jayce waited outside for both of those things. For most of the questioning, he put a podcast on in his hearing aids, and just fixed his eyes on one of the walls. He appreciated being in the room while also giving privacy. He waited until the nurse nodded and left before tuning back in. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah she’s going to get me some anti-nausea medication.’

They were in Urgent Care for quite a while. The medication made it so Viktor wasn’t experiencing such severe nausea as he had been before, and still they waited. Now he wasn’t nauseous, he was tired.

‘Can you put something on while we lie here?’

They listened to a podcast together, Jayce in the chair next to him. He liked looking at Viktor from the side, looking at his profile. He’d changed little from the punky weirdo he’d met in undergrad. In his professional clothing, except for some earrings, you’d have never guessed that he spent the majority of his time outside of work in scrappy band tees, with tattoos covering a majority of his body.

They met at some college party, Jayce having walked into someone’s bedroom in order to take a break from the party, only to find Viktor draped over the bed, laptop in front of him.

They stared at each other for a while.

‘Is this your room?’ Jayce asked. He thought he was walking into Mel’s room.

‘Yes,’ Viktor replied. That would explain why it didn’t look like Mel’s room. The room was filled with books and blankets, a pair of crutches sat next to the bed. ‘Do you want to watch Eurovision with me?’ Viktor asked.

‘Okay.’ He wasn’t exactly sure what Eurovision was, but it sounded miles better than turning around and going back into the party he was trying to escape. Viktor made room for him on the bed, and Jayce propped a pillow up behind him, and laid down. ‘Do you mind putting the subtitles on? I have hearing aids,’ he asked. He expected the usual response: ‘Really? Sorry. How much can you hear? How did it happen? You don’t sound deaf.’  Instead Viktor just hummed and clicked them on. ‘Let me know if this isn’t okay.’

They sat and watched the performance going on. Jayce, personally, had no idea what the fuck he was looking at. It was just loud, noise and weird costumes.

‘So, I take it that you are not American, then?’ Jayce asked when the performance was over.

‘No, I am Eastern European,’ Viktor replied.

Jayce waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. ‘I know I’m just a dumbass American, but even I know Eastern Europe is not a country.’

That earned him a smile, a crooked one that showed the hint of a snaggletooth. ‘I told one of my roommates that when I moved in and he replied Ah cool, like West Virginia.’

Jayce snorted at that.

‘But I am… my mom is from Moldova. My dad is from Russia. And I grew up in… Russia, Czech Republic, Ukraine, Poland, Germany and most recently the Netherlands. Which is why my accent sounds like I am pretending to be European.’

‘I don’t think anyone in America will notice that,’ he said, not telling him that his hearing hadn’t totally picked up on the accent. ‘So who do you support, if you grew up everywhere?’

‘You don’t support your own country in Eurovision. It’s… ah. What do you call it? Meant to be a friendship thing. You can’t vote for your own country, you have to vote for somebody else.’

‘So who are you rooting for?’

‘Austria has a drag queen representing, I am quite interested in them. But this is all a moot point, I’m watching it later, so there’s already a winner. I’m just watching it now because my friends will be talking about it tomorrow and they will spoil it for me.’

By the end of the show, which was fairly long, Jayce and Viktor were friends. They realised they were on the same major, albeit Viktor was the year above. They worked on their postgrad degrees together, and by the time Viktor had graduated with his PhD, they launched their company Hextech, and the rest was history.

Once they’d started, it had just continued to grow. They’d begun with technology that would help improve working conditions, improve safety, and had begun to make steps into assistive technology for medicine. Viktor told Jayce he had the skill of explaining complex ideas like they were simple, so he became the spokesperson for Hextech. As the company had grown, he made appearances on talk shows, at conventions and graduations. He’d become a public figure, as much as he hated it; almost a household name in Piltover. And Viktor was the co-founder who ‘did not speak fluent English’ so no one asked for interviews (Viktor had claimed that in a panic, and strangely, no one had ever asked how, if he did not speak fluent English, he had achieved three degrees in America, or how he and Jayce collaborated, since Jayce made no claims to speak Russian); at most his public presence amounted to a flattering headshot available on the website which every so often caused people to tweet things like: Was anyone ever going to tell me the co-creator of Hextech is a hot twink???

With their newfound fame had come money, and it allowed them to choose privacy when it came to their medical care. Jayce paid for the most discreet hearing aids on the market, carefully shaded to match his skin tone (you had to pay extra for something that wasn’t standard white skin tone, something he ranted about for a long time after he’d reluctantly paid), and Viktor paid for the luxury of medical care in a timely and private manner. He had regular meetings with physiotherapists, cardiologists, experts in his condition which meant he was never in a position where he was having to explain what his disability was to his general doctor.

It also meant you got to go to Urgent Care and have a private room even though you were just there for fainting and nausea. They were grateful for it, Viktor getting to have a nap while Jayce tended to work emails. He received an email back, the Outlook notification going off, and Viktor groaned. ‘I hear that sound in my nightmares.’

‘I hear the Zoom connecting noises in mine,’ Jayce replied.

It was early evening when a doctor poked her head around the door. ‘Hi, I’m looking for Viktor Svetlitskiy?’ she called. Viktor raised his hand, trying to settle himself into a seated position. ‘I’m so sorry you had to wait, we wanted to run some blood tests and we needed to get the results first before I came to talk to you.’ She brought a chair up to sit by his bed. Her eyes flitted to Jayce. ‘Is this your partner?’ she asked.

Viktor nodded before Jayce could say anything.

‘So I’m aware you came in because of fainting and nausea, is that right?’ Viktor nodded again. ‘Is this the first day that you’ve felt like this or has this happened before?’

‘For the past week I’ve not felt great,’ Viktor admitted, pointedly not looking at Jayce, who was upset he hadn’t told him that. ‘I just thought I had a cold happening, or something.’

‘Well, what I can tell you is that you’re about six weeks pregnant, which may explain some things.’

Jayce’s mind went black. He felt light-headed, like he might faint. Viktor sat very still, his eyes fixed on the doctor. She smiled. ‘I can tell that this is… a surprise, for you. I gather you weren’t trying to get pregnant?’ Viktor shook his head minutely. ‘It’s alright. We can give you time to discuss this and come to any conclusion you want to come to. I also wanted to tell you that you’re anaemic, which won’t be helping the morning sickness, which we think is what’s going on. I’m going to prescribe some iron supplements, and I’m also going to make a referral for you to a maternity hospital for your next steps.’

‘Is it a private hospital?’ Viktor asked. ‘We’re… we’re very private people, we own a big company, we don’t exactly want it getting into the news that this… about any of this.’

‘Of course. I’ll mention that in my referral.’ She smiled at him again, clearly not sure whether Congratulations would be well received or not.

It was silent in the room. Neither of them looked at each other. Jayce just sat with his head down. Viktor was pregnant. Viktor was going to have a baby with someone. He couldn’t feel anything but this dull shock, this feeling of being left out. ‘Do you… I can step into the hall, if you want to call someone,’ he offered.

Viktor frowned. ‘Who do you think I’d be calling, exactly?’

Jayce swallowed. ‘I don’t know, if you need to call the father, or something.’

Viktor stared at him for a very long time. ‘Jayce, she said I was six weeks pregnant. Six weeks.’

Jayce started doing the math in his head, running down. Six weeks ago, they won an achievement award for their work with Hextech, they’d both bailed from the party early and –

‘Oh shit.’ That light headedness was there again, and he felt like he was going to fall. He kept staring at Viktor, who stared back. ‘What are we going to do?’

Chapter Text

It was the firmness with which Jayce held his legs. Hands there, ostensibly to give Viktor a chance to not strain his bad leg by having to hold it up himself, and yet even that felt sexy.

Viktor leaned back on his hands, eyes hooded as he watched Jayce move into him, feeling him on each thrust. He had long since given up trying to hide the noises of pleasure he was making. Mostly he was distracted by trying to capture every second of this into his memory, because this would never happen again. The glisten of his skin in the moonlight, his furrowed brows like he was concentrating. The soft panting that Viktor knew he didn’t know he was making.

He stopped suddenly, for just a moment. He let go of Viktor’s good leg, planting the hands behind Viktor, suddenly their bodies were almost flush with each other. Viktor put an arm around his shoulders, securing himself before Jayce resumed his aggressive pace. It was deeper than it had been before, and Viktor let himself whine, his fingernails catching Jayce’s back. Jayce looked up, and they caught each other’s glances, and then Viktor was gone.

‘Well. We’re probably not going to be able to get an ultrasound until tomorrow, so we might as well just go home,’ Viktor said, getting ready to grab his coat and leave.

‘Wait – wait, we can call around ask. All we need is just someone who is willing to do one late appointment,’ Jayce said, standing up.

‘I don’t really want to do that right now.’ He still felt sick, a little. All he wanted to do is go home and order food he was craving. At least that part was starting to make sense.

‘How are you so calm about this? We just found out that – you’re pregnant.’ He whispered that last word, like he was trying to avoid summoning something. Too late for that.

Viktor wanted to snap at him, but he took a deep breath. His best friend and business partner was looking at him with those big brown eyes, the look many had come to call his puppy dog eyes. He knew Jayce was panicking – it was a very valid response.

‘How do I put this?’ Viktor said, his hand absently settling near his ribs. ‘My body is a very hostile place. I would be… very surprised if the foetus was viable to any degree.’

Jayce stared at him, those eyes seemingly getting bigger. ‘You think you’re going to miscarry?’

Viktor shrugged. ‘Unless someone tells me otherwise, I can only assume it’s not going to be any different.’

Jayce’s shoulders slumped – like he was disappointed, Viktor thought for a moment, before dismissing it. He was probably just unhappy that Viktor was bringing up his congenital problems. He never really enjoyed that talk.

‘Well then we should get a scan – the sooner the better. To know for sure. I don’t – I don’t like the idea of you just waiting to miscarry when we could get some more definitive answers.’

Viktor didn’t have the heart to argue with him again, only said. ‘If you’re willing to make the calls.’

And Jayce did. He called a few of the private maternity hospitals in the area, apologising for calling at the end of the day, but that he had his partner needed a very private appointment, and they needed it ASAP, and were willing to pay extra. It only took a couple of tries before they found a technician who was willing to be paid double to stay a little later and do the scan.

The car journey was quiet. ‘How are you feeling?’ Jayce asked.

‘Sick,’ Viktor replied, closing his eyes.

They had to be buzzed into the building, and came into a semi-dark waiting room. There was a woman on the reception desk, who frowned when she saw them. ‘Are you the Talises?’ she asked.

Viktor tutted under his breath, of course Jayce had used his own name. Idiot.

‘Yes, that’s us,’ Jayce said.

She looked between them. ‘Is your… surrogate going to be joining us soon?’

Jayce tilted his head to the side, confused. Viktor just rolled his eyes. ‘I’m transgender, I have a uterus. I’m the pregnant person here.’

Her eyes went wide. ‘Oh, oh gosh, sorry. Let me – let me just call your technician in.’ She seemed flustered as they watched her try to type a number in, and failing. Viktor looked away, looking at all of the pictures on the walls, pictures of happy pregnant women and babies.

Jayce stayed close by his side as they followed their technician down the corridor. She smiled at them. ‘Have you had an ultrasound before?’ she asked, as they got into the room.

‘I have done for other things… but I am aware this will probably be an internal scan which I have had once, for a birth control appointment.’

Why the fuck did I not replace the IUD when it had been removed? If only he knew he had the chance of getting absolutely railed completely raw by his business partner in the near future, he would have opted for an earlier birth control appointment.

‘Yes, it will be internal if that’s okay. I’m going to pop out for a second while you get yourself sorted out.’

He sighed. It had been a long day. His body hurt a fair amount because of the falling over, and now he was getting undressed for someone to push something into his vagina so they can all look at a clump of cells inside his uterus.

‘Should I leave?’ Jayce asked, hovering between the door and his seat.

Viktor shrugged. ‘You’ve already seen everything. What’s the point?’ He ignored the choked sound Jayce made. Whatever. This was literally the least sexy situation ever.

Having pushed himself up onto the bed, the technician helped him put his foot into the stirrups, and Viktor fixed his eyes on the screen so he could avoid looking over at the woman just staring straight into his vagina. He felt a nudging, and Jayce was next to him. His fingertips pressed against Viktor’s wrist. Viktor huffed, and turned his hand around to take his.

‘Do you know approximate conception?’ the technician asked, eyes on the screen.

‘It’s six and a half weeks ago,’ Viktor said. He knew the exact date and the approximate time of conception, but he knew that was probably  a little too much for her.

‘Well, let’s have a look…’

He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on the screen. Things moved as she pushed the wand in, and the image shifted. Jayce squeezed his hand. They were all very silent as she looked around for a moment, before stilling. ‘There we are,’ she said. ‘Exactly the right size.’ She was staring at the screen, which meant very little to Viktor as he looked at it. But still, his breath caught in his throat. There really was something there.

A little black space with a white thing inside. She focused on it. ‘If you look here, you can see the movement,’ she said, her hand gesturing over it. ‘That’s the heartbeat. We won’t be able to hear it for a long while, probably another six weeks, but we can see it going.’

‘So it’s – it’s healthy?’ Viktor asked, his voice cracked.

‘Well, yes. You can’t really see anything like you can with your anatomy scan later on, but right now, you have a foetus at exactly the right development. It’s good, very good.’

They stared at the screen, and she took some screenshots of it. She went to move away, and Viktor called out ‘Wait!’ suddenly embarrassed by it.

‘It’s okay, we can stay here for a bit longer.’

He didn’t stay as long as he wanted, but there’s only so long you can stay looking at a tiny fluttering image. At the last moment, he turned to look at Jayce, who was staring up at the screen, his mouth open, his front gap visible. Viktor looked away before he noticed.

It was very quiet as Viktor redressed. She gave them the ultrasound scans, Viktor taking the printouts. They got into the car, quiet between each other. ‘What do you want to do now?’ Jayce asked eventually.

‘I think I want to go home. I have… I need to think about things.’

Jayce didn’t argue, just went to drop him off at his apartment. ‘Can I… can I have one of the ultrasound pictures?’ he asked, as Viktor unbuckled his seatbelt. He turned to look at him, and Jayce turned away, his shoulders coming up. ‘I just want one. You can keep the others.’ His voice quieter. Viktor didn’t say anything, but worried the fold backwards and forward, carefully splitting the set, two for each of them.

‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ Viktor told him, shutting the car door.

Inside his apartment, his cat Rio was awake and pissed off, waiting in front of the door because she knew he should have been home a couple hours ago.

‘I’m sorry, I’m the worst father in the world,’ he muttered, suddenly regretting his wording. But he got her food ready, placing it down in her dish. He stayed close, perching on his stool in the kitchen. ‘I’m pregnant, Rio,’ he whispered. The words still felt like a shock. He sat on his couch not sure what to do. It wasn’t like he could tell anyone. He was six weeks along, there was another six weeks before the second trimester, before he’d let himself think of it as viable. He looked at his phone. Sky had texted him, asked if he was okay. He didn’t know what to say. No. I will never be okay again. He wanted to tell her. He put the words down.

I got some tests done. I’m pregnant.

But then it would go onto the next natural question: do you know who the father is?

Sky had been a friend long enough to have been there during his messy phase. He was competent at sex, less so at relationships. He’d pretty much come to the conclusion he was better off alone. He had his friends, and he had his own space. That was enough.

He thought about texting his mom, but it was around 4am her time. And even if he did, he knew the questions would be unending.

That was the part he couldn’t face. The natural questions which would lead to the biggest embarrassment of his life. And Sky had told him she was proud he’d developed more self-respect in not letting men fuck him to get over their issues. And then he let Jayce fuck him because of what? Misplaced drunken passion? Because he had the chance to and he couldn’t say no?

Stupid.

He knew the smart thing to do, the reasonable thing to do. To forget that this happened. He wasn’t cut out to be a single parent. His mobility wasn’t good. What was he going to do when he got heavily pregnant? Let alone with a toddler running around.

But still.

He’d been a lonely person for as long as he could remember. Moving from country to country made it hard to make meaningful relationships, and even then, he was different. Physically. Mentally.

He’d thought he’d be alone for the rest of his life until he met Jayce. And then he’d understood what it meant when people said they clicked. They’d had disagreements, of course – Jayce was an infuriating person to try and make him aware of his blind spots, and had a capacity to be incredibly patronising accidentally. But Jayce was a constant in his life. The person he could say anything to.

And then this had happened. One moment of stupidity and drunken lust that got the better of them.

They’d done such a good job of moving past it. There was awkwardness, sure, but things were getting back to the way they’d been before. He was so relieved when Jayce talked to him in the break room like normal, because he really thought this mistake could cost him their personal relationship. And it hadn’t.

Now this might.

He texted Sky back.

I’m okay, just a stomach bug, but I’ll be taking tomorrow off anyway.

He stared at the sonogram scan as he got into bed. He was reminding himself that it wasn’t a baby, realistically at this age it was tiny, like the size of a pea, and it certainly didn’t look like a baby. But in his mind he was picturing what they would look like eventually – whether they’d look like him, or like Jayce.

He went to sleep with a hand against his lower stomach.

Jayce texted almost immediately that morning, at 7am.

Do you want to get breakfast?

Viktor assumed he’d been thinking the same kind of thoughts as he was trying to sleep.

Sure, let me get ready and you can pick me up at 8?

The problem with Jayce becoming a well-known figure, almost a celebrity for people who liked tech, was that they weren’t really invisible anymore. They weren’t really before, either. Viktor had constantly been aware of the double-takes Jayce pulled from people, and he was painfully aware that Jayce was hot. But now he was hot, rich, and regularly had his face either in advertisement for Hextech or just paparazzi pictures that updated the public whenever he did anything out of the ordinary. Viktor himself was invisible, really. No one gave a shit what he did, which he was grateful for. No one needed to see him red-faced and huffing, trying his best to haul the cat litter bags into his car outside the pet store. Jayce got upset when people didn’t acknowledge him as co-founder, and insisted that Viktor be in official photographs for the website, mentioned him in all his speeches, but Viktor enjoyed not being in the spotlight. He liked playing second fiddle, staying in his lab, coming up with new ideas, no one caring about the mystery stains on his shirt.

So, they got to one of their preferred breakfast spots, and opted for a booth in the corner, away from the front windows. They had an arrangement with this restaurant. Jayce would pay the server equal to whatever their meal cost if they kept people away from their table and didn’t tell paparazzi where he was.

‘How did you sleep?’ Jayce asked, after placing their order. Viktor had avoided coffee, his usual order, asking for juice instead, which had earned him a strange look.

‘Okay. I woke up nauseous, but it’s going down a bit now.’

‘I’m glad about that.’

Silence. Jayce reached for the sugar packets absentmindedly, twisting them in his big hands.

‘Do you have any thoughts about… what’s next?’ he asked.

Viktor closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. ‘I think that I want to keep it,’ he said carefully.

‘Really?’

Viktor fixed his gaze on the table, not able to keep eye contact with Jayce.

‘I know that it’s… well, it was unexpected. But I’m not getting younger. I’m also not going to be getting married.’ He could see Jayce twitching in his seat, clearly wanting to intervene, but Viktor put a hand up: let me talk. ‘I never thought that I would want kids, but seeing it on the monitor, just knowing that they’re in here… and all of the problems that I had before are gone. I have health insurance, I have a job, I make good money, I own my apartment. I’m in a very good position to have a child. And even with all of my limitations, I can pay for nannies or for daycare or anything, so single parenthood won’t really be –’

‘Single parenthood?’

He looked up to see a bewildered Jayce looking back at him.

They stared at each other in confusion.

‘Yes,’ Viktor said quietly.

‘Viktor –’ Jayce leaned forward. ‘I’m the father. We know that. Why do you think you’d be a single parent?’

Viktor blushed. ‘Because we’d have to tell people what happened that way. I assumed you would prefer not to embarrass us in front of everybody we know.’

‘If it means not being able to parent my own kid, then I guess we’ll just have to put up with it.’ He shifted in his seat. ‘Seriously, Viktor – what were you going to do if you give birth and the baby is brown?’

‘You’re not the only brown man I could have slept with.’

‘And what if it grows up and looks like me?’ Jayce leaned back, rubbing a hand over his face. ‘Once you tell that lie, there is no going back. People are always going to be thinking about it. Especially if you never tell people who the father really is. And I – why don’t you want me to be part of the baby’s life? Our baby?’

Viktor’s stomach clenched at that. Their baby. Conceived, like so much of their wonderful creations, in Viktor’s lab. It was embarrassing how right that felt.

‘Jayce are you really going to tell everyone – our friends, our colleagues, the board, your mom – that we’re having a baby together? That people are going to take it well? They’re not!’

‘Well, we should have thought about that before, I guess. But we’re here now.’

They stopped talking as their breakfast were delivered to them. They both smiled at the waitress, waiting for her to leave.

‘Viktor, I will support you with whatever you choose, but if you’re keeping the child, you need to let me be there too. You can’t keep me out of that. The idea of having to watch you raise our baby, and only being your friend about it… no, I need to be that kid’s dad too. I’m not budging on that.’

If he ignored the initial telling people, the idea of letting Jayce in felt right. To have another parent there. He had images of Jayce there at the birth, holding their newborn, down on the floor doing tummy time with their little one, waking up to do night feeds, coming back to bed and placing a kiss on Viktor’s cheek –

That wasn’t going to be part of it.

Viktor took a long breath out, trying to  push those thoughts out of my mind. ‘Well. We have another six weeks before we need to start telling people. We can iron out the details, maybe figure out how to word the story so it’s less… embarrassing.’

‘Yeah. Yes, exactly. We can do that.’

Something settled then – Viktor felt a little bit of relief. A small part of him had worried Jayce would reject him, would make him feel guilty for wanting to have a baby. Of course now they were here – how could he have expected anything else from Jayce?

Chapter Text

He knew where to find him, when he disappeared from the party. The only place he’d ever be. Jayce typed in the combination, and opened the door, finding him right where he knew he’d be. Staring at the whiteboard, trying to figure out if there was anything new to find.

‘Do you know the definition of the word celebration?’ he asked.

Viktor hummed, shifting his position on his stool. ‘We won something. Yay. But one win will not change the world. We must continue.’

Jayce sighed, smiling, coming closer. ‘It wouldn’t kill you to give yourself one moment to be happy about it, V.’

‘I don’t… I don’t see the point in celebrating with people who 95% of them have no idea what we even did. I would need you, Sky, Mel… some of the interns. I do not want to celebrate with the board.’ He wrinkled his nose.

‘Well. I helped Sky into a taxi to get her home, and you know how Mel is with parties, so I’m afraid it’s just me, but I do have this.’ He showed him the bottle of champagne that he’d taken from the party.

Viktor smiled. ‘Alright. Perhaps a small break will be okay.’

Jayce had bought out almost the entire section of books about pregnancy, pre-natal and post-natal stages, queer pregnancy, and queer parenthood that were available for him to order. The delivery was huge, coming in a flurry of small parcels and a couple bigger ones. When he wasn’t working, he was reading, and when he was working out, he had the audiobooks to pick up where he left off. What he was mostly worried about was nutrition. It had always been a problem with Viktor, born from the mix of autism meaning his palette was very particular, and his general focus on his work which made it very difficult for him to remember to eat. The combination of medications he was on to manage his conditions and his pain made him either nauseous or wiped out his hunger entirely. Now, with the morning sickness, and the aversions, his appetite had reduced to almost nothing. It worried him – Viktor had already been anxious about development, he seemed fairly convinced that he was close to miscarrying at any given point. But he also knew that Viktor was going to be reluctant to any kind of obvious help, so Jayce tried to be underhand about it.

We should get breakfast tomorrow before work.

He waited for a response, and got one quickly.

Everything smells like hot blood and makes me want to puke

He smiled at the texts. He loved Viktor’s honesty.

We’ll figure something out.

Jayce took them to one of his favourite breakfast places. Viktor took a couple steps into the café, gagged, and walked back out to dry heave onto the sidewalk. In the end, he sat in the car, and Jayce called him from inside the café to give him a run down on the menu. The woman behind the counter raised her eyebrows, having watched the dramatic exit.

‘My partner’s pregnant, sorry,’ he said, as he waited for the call to connect. She smiled knowingly. Internally, his body hummed with the excitement of telling someone. He went through a long list of things which were rejected, until hitting on French toast with fruit. Viktor’s voice lit up. ‘Maple syrup?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I think so.’

‘Can you ask them to just completely drown it in maple syrup?’

Jayce tried to fight his smile. ‘I sure can.’

‘And if they have orange juice. Just as much as I can humanly have.’

‘Got it.’

He relayed the order, and the woman smiled, giving him an extra cup of maple syrup to go with it. ‘And what about you, son?’

He’d been so focused on getting something Viktor would actually eat, he’d forgotten about himself. He hesitated – he didn’t want to get something which would make him sick.

‘Can you get me the same but without the offensive amount of sweetness?’

‘Of course. How far along are you?’

‘First trimester, still.’

‘Well, good luck. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of you. Congratulations.’ Jayce glowed. If he didn’t have a public image to maintain and a few society gossip columns to avoid, he would be telling any cashier he came across that his partner was expecting a baby.

Back in the car, Viktor grabbed for his box, and began eating on the way to work.

That began the obsession with anything doused in maple syrup. Chicken nuggets, fries, any fruit he could get his hands on, using it like it was a dipping sauce. It was with a look of quiet horror that Sky looked on as Jayce delivered lunch time fries to Viktor’s desk with a side of maple syrup. There was also a coinciding Pepsi Max addiction which, after some back and forth, Jayce was able to convert to a caffeine-free Pepsi Max addiction.

‘You know, contrary to what you seem to believe, pregnant people can drive,’ Viktor told him, getting into Jayce’s car, two weeks into what Jayce was affectionately calling their breakfast club. He already had Viktor’s order ready for him.

‘I know, but it’s probably best if you don’t try to hoover down French toast while you’re driving.’

It was odd combination, and there was a fierce intensity to his need for syrup and Pepsi, but Viktor was hydrated, consuming enough food to compensate for the vomiting.

He kept a note of the things that made Viktor vomit. Most food that had distinctive smells were off the table, which unfortunately included most of their favourite foods. Sweetmilk, unfortunately, was also out. That devastated Viktor. Any other distinctive smell was also something he couldn’t handle; most notably, Viktor had caused a stir by demanding Jinx get out of his lab until she washed off her perfume, and then instated a no perfume, cologne or body spray rule. After that, Sky had gently asked Jayce if he knew what was wrong with Viktor.

At ten weeks, Viktor came into his office during the afternoon. Jayce had his hearing aids out and hadn’t noticed until he thumped on the desk, sending vibrations through his arm and scaring the shit out of him.

‘Viktor-’

He didn’t get his hearing aids back in until Viktor had grabbed the remote to turn the glass frosted, and then undid his belt.

‘Viktor, we’re at work-’ Jayce said, cringing while remembering this baby was technically conceived at work.

Viktor undid his high waisted trousers, pulling his shirt up. ‘Am I going crazy or am I starting to show?’

He wasn’t crazy. It was hidden by his clothing, and really just looked like he was somewhat bloated, but there was a roundness to his lower stomach. Jayce wanted to reassure him, but he suddenly felt choked up. It was the same feeling he had when he saw that fluttering ultrasound. This was real. The rest of the time, learning to manage morning sickness, learning about cravings and the reality of pregnancy, all of that was just the accumulation of data: research for a project from later down the line. But this were the undeniable truth there was something growing inside of Viktor.

A baby. Their baby.

‘I wouldn’t have noticed in your clothes. And it’s just because you’re so thin normally – genuinely, it may be because you’ve been essentially drinking maple syrup for three weeks.’

Viktor nodded, and laid his hand against the small bump. ‘Baby’s only supposed to be the size of a strawberry right now.’ They’d both downloaded an app that tracked development by giving measurements in fruit, it was adorable. They looked at each other. ‘It’s only going to get bigger from here.’

They went to get another scan that week. Jayce knew they weren’t really due to take another scan until the second trimester, but Viktor was shaping up to be a somewhat nervous parent. He was still anxious about the possibility of miscarriage. But they had the money to spend on more frequent scans to help him feel more at ease, so hell, there they were again, with their appointment just after the clinic had officially closed.

Viktor showed the technician his little bump, and she agreed it was probably a combination of where his uterus sat inside him (Jayce had never even considered that to be a factor), and how thin he was anyway. ‘Or you could just be due for a big baby,’ she said, and Jayce noticed her eyes giving him a once over.

The picture was clearer at ten weeks. It looked like the start of a person, with vague shapes that may someday constitute limbs.

He had their first scan up on his board in his kitchen. He stared at it while making his coffee, imagined what they might look like when they were born. They printed out four copies, split them in half again as he dropped Viktor off home. He desperately wanted to reach across the middle of the car and kiss him. He wanted to wrap him in a blanket of his love and tell him how lucky he felt to be getting this opportunity to be father to his child, that there was nobody else in the world he wanted to raise a family with other than Viktor. But then he remembered the soft, polite but firm rejection Viktor had given him after they’d made love, and instead he said ‘I hope baby lets you get some sleep tonight.’

‘It’s not baby’s fault, it’s my hormones, at this point.’ Viktor was glowing in the light from the car. He looked radiant, flushed with life. ‘See you later, Jayce.’

It was always a matter of time before he made a mistake. He’d always known that he would, really. But he’d made it four whole weeks without a single slip up, and he’d gotten a little bit confident.

He picked Caitlyn up, from her post-grad class – they were going to go see a movie together. Caitlyn insisted on it, even when she knew their appearances in public together generated some talk. She always reasoned that in the back of a movie theatre in the dark, nobody knew they were  there. She was more used to the attention than Jayce was, and he always followed her direction when it came to learning to live with it.

She chatted on endlessly about her classes, and Jayce was happy to half listen in. He missed graduate school, missed the days in the lab, just him and Viktor against the world. He liked to hear Caitlyn happy, she’d had a difficult time finding her purpose, before finding law school.

He stopped to get gas, was out of the car maybe five minutes at most, and was surprised that the car was silent when he got back in. He reached to tap his hearing aids to check they still worked, as he turned to look at her.

The glovebox was open, and Caitlyn was holding the ten week scan in her hands.

‘Oh fuck.’

They did not go see a movie that afternoon.

They went back to Jayce’s apartment, Caitlyn stammering a few questions out, and Jayce asking her to wait.

So they were quiet on the elevator ride up. Jayce had taken the scan pictures from her, and carefully tacked them up next to the earlier scan.

Caitlyn looked at the two scans, back and forth.

‘Okay,’ Jayce said, already feeling so defeated. ‘Hit me.’

‘Viktor’s pregnant?’ Caitlyn asked, her voice high.

‘Yes.’

‘And… and you… its yours?’

‘Yes.’

‘How?’ Jayce’s cheeks flushed, and he wondered how he was meant to have this kind of conversation gently, with someone he saw as his little sister. Caitlyn, thankfully, regained some of her senses. ‘I mean, I know how, but – are you dating him? And you didn’t tell me?’

‘We’re not dating,’ Jayce said, wishing he could just not be there right now. He scrubbed a hand across his face. ‘We had a… a one night stand, I guess. And it was a mistake, and we mutually agreed to just stay friends, but… yeah, he’s pregnant, and we’ve decided to keep it, and we’re going to co-parent.’

Caitlyn stared at him with large eyes, clearly confused as all hell. ‘When?’

‘After we won that award.’

‘You slept with the man you’ve been pining after for a decade ten weeks ago, and you never told me?’

That was the bit she was concerned about?

‘Honestly, Caitlyn? Because it was really fucking embarrassing. I thought… maybe he would understand, or that I could tell him how much he meant to me, or that he would say he was glad it happened, too? And instead he was distant about it. He literally put his hands on my arms where I was holding him, and put them back at my side.’

She cringed at that, which made Jayce cringe again, just remembering it. ‘Oh Jayce…’ She put her arms out, willing him in for a hug. They’d had their queer crises almost at the same time. Jayce, a few weeks after meeting Viktor, and Caitlyn when she started going to an all-girls boarding school. She knew about the ins and outs of Jayce’s meandering crush. When it went from an interest in boys to thinking he just admired Viktor a lot, to finding him unbelievably sexy after Viktor let slip about enjoying rough sex, to just being so glad he had him as his partner in his life, to now. They worked together less frequently, and it hurt Jayce a lot, but the company needed a spokesperson and it was not going to be Viktor. So he did more work making speeches and connections and marketing Hextech, and less work actually coming up with the new prospects and testing them. And in a way the distance had managed to cool Jayce’s feelings for Viktor so he could push it down and ignore them. He was his co-founder, his partner in the creation of Hextech, and an important person in Jayce’s life, and it was always going to be platonic. He had, for one moment, let those feelings come alive again, only for Viktor crush them for good with a polite rejection.

‘Having a baby… is a big step,’ she said cautiously.

‘I know. And you’re going to tell me next that having a kid with your best friend and business partner who you have unresolved feelings for is an even worse idea.’

‘Well, yes, but I was going to do it nicely.’

‘Viktor made the decision and I cannot be in a world where he’s raising my child and I’m not part of their life. So, as awkward and terrible and uncomfortable as it’s going to be… it’s how it has to be.’ He felt some kind of calm, having told someone. ‘You’re the first person who knows, outside of us and medical staff.’

‘You told me before your mum?’

‘I didn’t tell you, you went routing through my glove box and found the scans.’

‘I was looking for gum,’ she said apologetically.

‘Please don’t tell Vi. Not right now, at least.’

‘Why?’

‘Because if you tell Vi, Vi will tell Jinx, and Jinx will mention it to Viktor, and then Viktor’s going to get mad at me. No one’s supposed to know until the second trimester.’ He collapsed into his couch, frustrated and tired by the whole situation. Caitlyn sat down on the coach gingerly. His head hurt more than it usually did after coming home from work. ‘I’m never going to find out what happened in that movie, do you know how hard it is to find captioned screenings?’ he asked, desperately needing to change the subject.

Caitlyn smiled. ‘You could easily just rent out the entire theatre and have a private screening.’

‘If I ever get to that point, promise me you’ll make me donate three quarters of my money to charity.’

She laughed, and there was a comfortable silence for a long moment. ‘Are you excited about it, though?’ she asked carefully.

‘Every time we go to a scan I just… stare at that little thing in awe. He’s started showing, just a little bit, and I just wanted to put my hands on his stomach and never stop crying. I never thought I’d actually have kids, I couldn’t picture having them with anyone else, and now I actually get the privilege of having a baby with Viktor? Even if we stay friends the whole time, it’s more than I ever hoped would happen.’ He felt tears beginning to well up behind his eyes and he cleared his throat quickly, hoping Caitlyn wouldn’t notice.

She did, and she smiled. She nudged him with her shoulder. ‘You’ll be good parents. At the very least, you’re going to be the parents of the smartest kid ever born, so that’s one thing to look forward to.’

He nodded, smiling. ‘It felt good to tell someone. Even if you weren’t mean to find out.’

‘Sorry,’ she said gently. She leaned her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m going to be the coolest aunt though.’

‘Oh, for sure.’ He kissed the top of her head quickly. ‘Thanks, sprout.’

Chapter Text

Jayce lasted longer than Viktor did, so much longer Viktor started feeling another climax building. He wound his hand into Jayce’s hair, the other clawing at his back, encouraging him. Jayce came with a grunt, his hips stuttering. Viktor was vaguely aware of the warmth inside of him, focusing instead on the feeling of his partner crushed against him, trying to catch his breath against his neck.

I love you. The words were so firm in Viktor’s mind. I love you.

 ‘Shit,’ Jayce panted, as Viktor began to brush soothing circles against his skin, trying to soothe the scratches he’d made. Then Jayce spoke.

‘I didn’t mean to do that.’

And Viktor went completely still.

‘We need to figure out what we’re doing, in terms of announcements. And considering that we’re going to be taking paternity leave at the same time, we need to think about who we want to take our positions during that time.’ They were in Jayce’s wonderful penthouse apartment, Viktor laying down on the couch as Jayce massaged his feet. Viktor hadn’t asked him to – Jayce had suggested it, and Viktor didn’t have the heart to tell him that his spina bifida meant he really had very little sensation in the right foot, and only partial sensation in the left. But Jayce needed to feel useful.

‘Well, I know Sky’s the only person who can do it, so I don’t need to think about it,’ Viktor said. ‘I am not training someone else up, Sky practically does my job when I can’t get in, anyway.’ He was glad he didn’t have to struggle with it.

Jayce hummed. ‘Oh. That makes sense. I was going to say we take time to think about it, but I think… Mel is a really good replacement from inside the company.’

Viktor opened an eye a fraction to look at Jayce’s expression, as he continued to massage his feet. If Viktor had been anticipating Jayce would fuck someone at the company and accidentally get them pregnant, he would have been expecting it to be Mel, and not him. Just based on the trajectory of Jayce’s career – he’d been moving away from Viktor’s area in the last few years, and now he spent very little time with him in work hours, most of his time now spent discussing with Mel. After a moment, though, he corrected himself, because he could never imagine her being so stupid and unprepared about her birth control.

Jayce hummed quietly, continuing to massage Viktor’s feet. ‘I guess we’re sorted then? I think we need to tell the board before coworkers, because they’re going to think that we don’t respect them. They really need to be up there with those who find out first, outside of course family. Family is number one, close friends number two, and then… the board.’ Jayce’s eyes slid up to Viktor. ‘Do you think it would be… what do you think about coming with me, to explain to my mom?’

‘Do you want me to come?’ Viktor asked.

‘I think so, yes.’ Jayce stopped for a moment. ‘Do you want me to be there when you tell yours?’

 ‘No, it’ll just be us on a video call speaking Russian, you’re not going to understand much.’

Jayce nodded, thinking about it. ‘Are they… do you think they’ll be upset, about us not actually being together? I don’t know if they’re traditional or not.’

‘Let’s just say… they’re more upset and confused about the queer thing, so the fact we’ve created a bastard will probably pass them by. They’re not likely to blame you anyway.’

Jayce started to rub Viktor’s calf, just a slow up and down movement. ‘Do you think they’ll visit the baby?’

‘I think my mom might.’

‘And your dad? He wouldn’t even come for the birth of his grandchild?’

Jayce knew Viktor’s relationship with his family was strained. He’d been no-contact with them for a time, having come to the United States to study, finally able to transition without them stopping him. They’d come back into contact once Viktor had graduated from his PhD and started Hextech. They talked every few months, they called him Vika – like his name is Viktoria, which it hadn’t ever been, and it certainly wasn’t now –and they didn’t talk about how when his aunties and uncles and cousins spoke about him, they still used his old name. When Hextech had really launched and he and Jayce had become not just wealthy enough to finally afford their own homes, but properly well off, he’d bought them a house, and he sent them a stipend each pay check to keep them comfortable. They still worked – his parents could never be idle – but they did not worry about the poverty they’d worried about until then.

‘Let’s just say I think mine and my father’s relationship is at its best when we are on different continents.’

Jayce hummed. Viktor knew he wanted to apologise – in Jayce’s mind, he couldn’t imagine this situation as being peaceful. But really, it was a relationship with boundaries, where he and his parents were equals, and that was always better than it had been as a child.

‘My mom is going to be the most active grandma in the world, I can tell you that much,’ Jayce said, and Viktor’s chest warmed that he knew him well enough to change the subject. ‘I hope that’s okay with you.’

‘Honestly, yes.’ Ximena had not completely understood what she was getting herself into, when she agreed to accommodate Jayce’s strange foreign friend from college. Viktor was used to very direct communication, which he understood did not land entirely with Americans and English speakers generally, but once they’d gotten over their misunderstandings, Ximena was his first indication that a relationship with a parental figure could be based on mutual respect. ‘I’d like very much for our child to have one active grandparent.’

Jayce went very still then, and Viktor looked up at him. He was looking at him very gravely. ‘What?’

‘It’s the first time you’ve really said… our child.’ Jayce looked away. ‘Why did you think you’d have to be a single parent? Did you really think that I’d just leave you like this? You – you didn’t even ask, or anything. You were just completely sure I’d be some deadbeat dad.’

‘I didn’t want the embarrassment of you trying to tell me no,’ Viktor replied immediately. All he could picture is telling him they were going to be parents, and seeing that look of quiet disgust on his face that Jayce doesn’t know he makes when someone suggests something he doesn’t want to do. The awkward silence, as he tried to figure out how to let him down easy. The utter humiliation it would take, to scream I want to have your baby, I want us to be a family, and to have Jayce quietly mutter Oh…right.

‘You thought I’d say no?’ Jayce sounded offended. Viktor sat up, sliding his feet out of Jayce’s lap. He put his hand to his stomach as he did so – something he found himself doing more and more – and Jayce’s face softened.

‘I knew you wouldn’t say no,’ Viktor rephrased. ‘But I thought you might – do it because you thought it would be honourable, and getting yourself into something you didn’t want. And I couldn’t bear you just… doing it because you feel guilty.’ He kept his hand on his stomach, rubbing it. The app said baby was about the size of a plum now. How such a small thing had been giving him such impossible trouble, he had no idea.

‘Viktor –’ Jayce paused, running a hand over his face. ‘You are my best friend.’ He said it with such emotion, and yet it still burned Viktor a little, as he said it. Best friend. That’s all he was. Not a lover, just a friend. ‘The one person who has understood me through everything. There is no… no other person I would rather do this with. I’m not doing this for embarrassment, or shame. We’ve done everything together, since day one. Even if you – if you had a baby from a one-night stand with somebody else, I would still do the same. I mean the fact that it’s just us… y’know. Yeah. We made a mistake –’ Viktor was getting very good at not flinching now. He could almost pretend it didn’t hurt. ‘-and when people ask, we have to own up to it but… I’m starting a family with my best friend. I couldn’t imagine anything better.’

‘It’s… it’s not normal,’ Viktor said eventually.

Jayce smiled. ‘When have we ever done normal?’

In bed that night, Viktor couldn’t sleep. He was twelve weeks now, and it was probably because he had always been underweight, but he was aware of the swelling, the changes to his body. Rio had been one of the biggest surprises of all of this, tucking herself up against his belly.

He had adopted Rio not long after he’d moved into his own place, after browsing rescue websites and finding this picture of a scrungly, sad looking sphynx kitten. Her short bio said she had been found in a bush, presumably abandoned by her breeder because she had been born with neurological disorder called cerebellar hypoplasia, which made her wobbly. He took two seconds to look at this wobbly cat, abandoned for health issues, and knew he had to have her.

The rescue centre had been very confused about why he wanted that kitten in particular. The woman at the shelter stared at him. ‘You know they need regular baths, right?’

‘I did my research, yes,’ Viktor said, shaking a toy, watching Rio wobble after it.

‘And they’re capable of sunburn.’

‘Well, I live in an apartment, so she will not be going out, but yes.’

‘They’re liable to have respiratory problems. This kitten had some of those.’

‘Yes, I am aware. I will be getting them in with a vet and getting insurance, and regular check-ups.’

‘Their teeth can be issues as well.’

‘Well, I’m sure we can learn to do something about that.’

She paused, clearly considering her words before she continued. She leaned in, lowering her voice. ‘If you want a sphynx cat – you know you can buy one that’s going to be easier?’

Viktor blinked slowly at her. ‘I don’t want a sphynx cat, I want this cat.’

He came back the next day with a cat carrier, and they had been together ever since.

And the truth was, Rio was difficult. She was clingy, she cried a lot, she hated his friends, she yowled through her baths, she left grease stains on the paintwork and on his blankets, and she was absolutely perfect.

When he introduced her to Jayce, holding her in his hands, Jayce had frowned, and gone ‘Oh, wow.’ The thought of it still made him smile.

He put a hand to Rio, and she chirped, leaning into him, her ear against his belly. Viktor wondered if she could hear a heartbeat.

He managed to find a Saturday when his parents would be available for a call. It was difficult to find time for it – they were nine hours ahead of him, and they stopped using phones at like, 6pm, so night owl Viktor had to be up at 7am, for a 4pm call with them. At least the morning sickness got him up early enough for it.

‘Hi mama,’ he called as his mum tuned in, her face too close to the camera. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Hi Vika. I’ve just finished a shift, and papa’s getting ready to go out to see some friends, so you’ll have me, if that’s okay.’

He smiled knowingly. He’d specifically tried to organise a time when they would all be available. His dad had issues with him specifically, and he knew that. Not only did he struggle with the whole queer thing, he struggled with that dynamic of being financially supported by his child, and Viktor knew. He’d accepted this a long time ago.

‘Okay, that’s alright. I hope everything is okay over there.’

‘Yes, everything is good. I’m doing knitting and sewing workshops at work, and I like that. Our neighbour’s daughter is getting married soon, it’ll be nice to go to a wedding. How are you doing?’

‘I’m okay, mama. Work is going well, you remember that I told you that we won an award – it came with a grant as well, which has been good.’

His mom smiled vaguely, she didn’t really understand all his work talk. ‘Your Russian – you speak it like you’re learning it. It’s funny.’

He had heard it before. ‘Mm. I don’t speak it really in my daily life anymore. English is my first language now.’ He took a moment to think, and switched his language, trying to dig through his vocab to see if he could say what he wanted. ‘We could speak in Romanian, if you would prefer.’

She laughed, and replied in kind. ‘Ah, then we would both be struggling and probably not understanding.’

He smiled, and switched back to Russian. ‘I think I could stand to practice a little more, I don’t want to lose it entirely, but… it is difficult to find the time.’

She nodded, and they let silence fall. Viktor watched Rio get up from her chair, and stretch, and he struggled to not say ‘Big stretch!’ as she did. It was a habit Jayce had started in him, and like many things, Viktor had unconsciously picked up.

‘What was it you wanted to tell us – you don’t usually make such a point of calling?’

Now he was there – sat in front of her – he found himself reaching for the words. ‘Mama, I have something to tell you,’ he began.

She leaned in. ‘Is everything okay, Vitka? Everything okay with your job?’ His parents lived with a deeply ingrained anxiety that Viktor was going to lose his job. His mom would send articles about America’s economic situation to him, asking if he was managing. He had given up trying to explain that he owned his company, and it would take a disaster of epic proportion for things to go that badly wrong.

He smiled. ‘No, it’s not like that. It’s good news, really. I’m…’ Ah, what the hell? You cannot beat around the bush forever. ‘I’m pregnant, mama.’

‘Eh?’ She tilted her head to the side.

Maybe my Russian really is getting too bad, he thought for a moment. ‘I’m having a baby. I’m about twelve weeks pregnant right now.’

‘Oh, Vitka! A baby!’ She clasped her hand to her mouth. ‘I didn’t know you were…’

‘It was a surprise,’ Viktor cut in, worried what she was going to say. ‘It wasn’t planned at all, and I was worried about the health of the baby, and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to carry, but we made it to the second trimester, now, so… we’re out of the woods, a bit. My heart is okay. My lungs are okay. For now, my spine is doing okay, there’s no real strain from the baby so far. I’m maintaining weight. Baby is exactly as they should be.’ He put his hand against that bump, rubbing it absently.

‘Oh that is such good news! I’m so happy for you!’ His mom leaned closer in, looking at him. She hesitated, considering all of this. ‘Do you have a …boyfriend? Is the father in your life at all?’

He pressed his lips together. ‘Well… he isn’t my boyfriend, but um, he’s staying in my life, and we’re going to raise baby together. Co-parenting.’ He took a breath, allowing himself a moment before he got it out. ‘It’s Jayce, my business partner.’

‘Oh.’ Her eyebrows shot up. ‘Oh, wow.’

It was an embarrassing conversation to be having with his mom, to say the least. To essentially tell her without telling her that he was having unprotected no-strings attached sex with men.

‘And he’s good to you?’ she asked, instead of anything else. He smiled, silently thanking her.

‘He’s been to all of my appointments with me. I was happy to be a single parent, but he’s… very insistent that this is our child.’

‘That’s good.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s such a shock, really. I never, sorry, I never thought we’d have any grandchildren. Wow. And twelve weeks? So you have about seven months, until your baby is here. Wow.’ She turned. ‘I would like to make them something… would that be okay? A little cardigan or something.’

‘Yes, I would love that. Really, mama.’ He smiled at her. ‘I assume you will tell papa?’

‘Yes! When he comes back. I think he will be happy, too. This is incredible, Vitka. I’m so excited to be a baba.’

They went on to talk about his morning sickness, his cravings. ‘I craved oranges and mash potatoes with you,’ she told him. It was one of the easier conversations Viktor had with his mom, without her pausing with lack of understanding about his life. It was happy until they began to talk about labour and delivery. Viktor’s birth was traumatic – not only physically, when she was in labour for over a day, but the aftermath, of finding out he had spina bifida, and him being rushed out of her hands, into surgery. She began to go quiet towards the end of their talk. Viktor could see her drifting, her memories coming up. He would usually let her talk, but he couldn’t deal with a conversation about traumatic birth, not now. ‘Well. I know you’ll want to get on, now. Feel free to tell the rest of the family, really. We’ll find another day to talk, okay?’

‘Of course. I love you. Talk to you soon, Vitka.’

‘Talk to you soon.’

He slumped back in his seat, exhausted. Even the good talks left him tired. And the end of the conversation had made him begin to worry about his baby. Until now, he had almost worried about it being viable, but now, he had to consider how they were going to be born. He’d been told his disability increased his baby’s chances of having the same.

In his mind, he could already imagine what people would say, if their baby was born with his disability. People would blame him. Jayce was perfect. He put his hand against his stomach, his mind uncertain.

Please, please, be okay.

Chapter Text

Jayce was trying his best to keep himself together, but all he was thinking about was the feeling of Viktor surrounding him, the wetness, the tightness of it. He pressed his hand to Viktor’s skin, running his hand up inside of his shirt, rubbing his back. He thought he could control his orgasm as it was building, trying to keep some part of his brain aware. He knew they’d started having sex without a condom, knew they hadn’t even stopped to talk about it, and he knew that was stupid. He was trying to pace himself, figure out the time it would be appropriate to pull out. But he didn’t want to pull out, Viktor’s body was so welcoming and warm, the feeling of his skin against Jayce’s, the way he fluttered and squeezed around him.

And then Viktor puts a hand in Jayce’s hair and pulls, like a half-feral thing, and his fingernails dig into his shoulder in a way that will draw blood, and the combination of the two are so thrilling Jayce completely loses control, his hips stuttering before he comes deep inside of him.

The first thought when the high wore off was about how he’d fucked up, how he’d done the one thing he wasn’t meant to do. ‘I didn’t mean to do that,’ he whispered, a tentative apology.

It was quiet so long he had no idea what to do, he pulled out, trying not to stare at his own come spilling out, before looking up at Viktor’s face.

To find him staring over his shoulder, vacantly, disengaged.

Jayce’s stomach was in knots, as he drove him and Viktor over to his mom’s house. It had been hell to schedule – when he said he wanted to come visit her with Viktor, she had wanted to cook lunch or something, but he didn’t know how to tell her about all of the things that made Viktor instantly vomit, including garlic, onion, and meat cooking, without making her instantly aware he was pregnant, or making her worried that he was dying or something. So instead he’d had to suggest they have tea or something, and suggested a family run bakery in her neighbourhood which sold Ukrainian sweets to try and keep her occupied enough not to ask about it.

Viktor was also incapable of going to someone’s house without bringing something with him – even when coming to hang out at Jayce’s apartment, he would bring snacks or some good coffee – and that day, he brought some fancy hot chocolate that he’d purchased on one of their last trips abroad. Jayce had huffed, seeing him come out of his apartment with the bag. ‘You know you’re already giving her the gift of a grandchild, right?’ he said.

Viktor rolled his eyes. ‘We’re also going to be telling her that I engage in pre-marital, casual sex and general whorish behaviour, so, I’d like to balance out the disappointment with something.’

Jayce didn’t know what to say to that, but he felt the shame in Viktor’s voice. He felt so embarrassed that he’d been part of the thing that Viktor clearly regretted so much. He tried to respond jokingly. ‘You know, she’s going to know that about me, too.’

‘But she’s your mom, she has to like you,’ Viktor replied, clipping his seatbelt.

That just made Jayce shut up, not trying to joke about it anymore.

Jayce didn’t know when he’d become aware of his parents problems with fertility. His mom had always referred to him as her miracle boy, but he’d not really questioned it then. Everyone’s parents spoke about them like that, right?

He remembered one night when he was younger, maybe seven or eight, trying to go to the bathroom, he tried the door, and his dad opened the door, blocking his view of the bathroom. ‘What’s going on?’ Jayce asked.

‘Use the downstairs.’ His dad shut the door quickly, before he could ask anything else.

As Jayce was going to the stairs, he looked into his parents bedroom, expecting to see his mom, but just saw the bed a mess, and a blood stain on the sheets.

His next awareness was being at a baby shower, for his auntie, waiting for the gender reveal. His hearing aids struggled with loud environments, so he’d long developed the habit of looking around at other people as the sound overwhelmed him. He saw his mom and dad standing at the back of the group. His mom’s lips pressed together. He watched his dad nudge her. He watched their signing, aware he was not supposed to be.

‘Do you want to leave?’ his dad asked, his eyes fixed on his mom’s face.

She shook her head. ‘It’s my baby sister’s day, I have to be.’

‘No one’s going to notice if you just want to take a moment.’

His mom’s face fell, then, and his dad put an arm around her, and ushered her into the house. Jayce sat there next to his younger cousins, a sick feeling in his stomach, knowing he knew something he could never tell anybody else.

Sometimes, his parents would go to medical appointments, and Jayce would spend time with his Abuela. He didn’t mind it. She indulged him and gave him treats. When their before dinner prayer mentioned giving his parents strength, he didn’t ask why. A couple of times, he would come home from school to find his Abuelo there, telling him to pack a bag for overnight. He didn’t ask why.

The next day, when his mom and dad would appear, worn out and red-eyed, Jayce made sure to hug his mom sweetly, ask her if there was anything he could do for her. Anything he could do to make things easier. And she would just hold her face in his hands, call him her miracle boy again.

He never asked for siblings. He never mentioned them. He tried to be the perfect son, so his parents never missed having more children.

And then his father died, and it became one problem amongst many.

He pulled into his family home, turning the car engine off. He sat there for a long moment. There was no going back from here.

He felt something on his hand and startled, only to look down and see Viktor taking his hand. He turned to face him. ‘We’ll be okay,’ Viktor said quietly. ‘It’s good news, really. Once we get over that awkward bump.’

Jayce got out of his side, before running around to help Viktor out of the car. He didn’t need it – honestly, it was for Jayce’s benefit. He’d noticed that Viktor had developed a habit when he stood up of putting a hand to his belly, and Jayce liked to watch it, it gave him this sense of pride. He put his hand out, and Viktor rolled his eyes, and handed him his cane. He stood up, one hand against the side of the car, the other against the swell of his belly. Viktor had shown him the little bump before they’d left, and Jayce had wanted to put his hand out and touch him, but he knew he didn’t have that right. So instead he watched this little moment, of Viktor and their baby, and tried to push it into his memory forever.

He pressed the doorbell, and behind the frosted glass of the front door saw the light flash inside.

The first time Viktor had seen it, he’d flinched, and turned his head. ‘What’s that?’ Jayce was confused for a moment, before remembering not everyone’s doorbells flashed. ‘Deaf doorbell,’ he explained. What he didn’t say was his mom didn’t need it anymore, now he’d moved out, and his dad had passed away, but she said she’d gotten used to it, and she found it comforting.

His mom was at the door almost immediately, smiling. She turned from Jayce to Viktor – they hadn’t seen each other for a long time. Now that Jayce was thinking about it, it might have been the awards ceremony, before the party where Jayce had slunk off to find Viktor and – yeah.

I cannot be thinking about this while I’m at my mom’s house, holy fuck.

He cleared his throat. ‘Mom, you’re looking well, it’s so nice to see you.’

‘I brought this for you, Mrs Talis.’ Viktor stepped forward, picking up the slack from Jayce’s awkwardness.

‘Oh! Viktor, you are so thoughtful!’

There was a lot of shuffling around, and a little awkwardness as she invited them in. Viktor and Ximena kept up the talk, Jayce mostly trying to avoid thinking about the sensation fucking Viktor against his desk whilst in his family home. When he tuned in again, his mom had asked about Viktor’s cat, Rio, and he was rattling off all of these details about the animal. Jayce loved Viktor, and thought everything about him was fascinating and brilliant, but his cat was ugly beyond belief. When he’d first been introduced to Rio, a weird trembling thing in Viktor’s hand, he’d thought of two things. One: the endangered Madagascan lemur species, the aye-aye, if it had been completely shaved, and two: a sentient testicle.

Jayce went to the kettle, and started making tea. He knew how everyone liked theirs:  his mom with a lot of milk, Viktor with a lot of milk and a lot of sugar. He tuned out of the conversation – he had a set amount of focus energy for lip reading, more now that he’d accepted his adult diagnosis of ADHD and gotten medicated, but his stress was rapidly depleting it.

So he gave his mom her tea, kissing her cheek as he did so, and he carried Viktor’s tea in for him, letting him get settled before handing it to him in a practiced motion.

His mom asked about how business was, even though she didn’t totally understand it. There was a lot of catching up, and then an awkward silence.

Ximena took a sip of her tea, looking between the two of them. ‘Well, I suppose I should ask about what I’ve done to deserve the honour of a visit?’

Jayce nodded, putting his tea down. They’d talked about this before – Viktor was happy to be there, but he wasn’t going to do the talking. Now, Viktor gave Jayce an encouraging little nod.

‘Well, Mom, there’s actually… actually something me and Viktor need to tell you.’

‘Oh?’ she smiled at him.

He took a deep breath. Nothing was ever going to be the same after this. He looked over at Viktor, who had his hand against his stomach, rubbing absently, and Jayce was filled with so much love of this growing person, this new part of their life, and he wanted his mom to be part of.

‘Viktor and I are having a baby,’ he said, trying to keep his eye contact.

Ximena gasped, her hand up to her mouth. She started to talk, and Jayce smiled. This, at least, was familiar. ‘Mama, I can’t listen to you if I can’t see your mouth.’

She smiled, shaking her head, pulling her hand away. ‘You’re pregnant, Viktor?’ she asked.

Viktor smiled. ‘Yeah, we’re about fourteen weeks now.’

Ximena looked between the two of them. ‘I – I didn’t know that the two of you were –’

Jayce jumped in. ‘Well, we’re not. We’re um, not in a relationship. But we’re going to be parents, together.’

She frowned, clearly not understanding. At that point, Viktor got up. ‘I’m going to the bathroom, alright?’ Ximena went to get up and Viktor dismissed her. ‘I know where I’m going, do not worry.’ Viktor just gave Jayce a little look. They’d agreed beforehand, Viktor was not going to be there while he tried to explain how exactly they’d gotten to this point.

Viktor let himself out, and Ximena turned to her son.

‘I’m confused?’ she offered. Jayce bit his lip.

‘We um, we had one night… where we…’

She almost flinched backwards in her seat. ‘Oh.’

Jayce’s cheeks flushed. ‘But we’re still going to be good friends. He’s my best friend, and we’re on the same page about parenting, and we’re going to raise our child together.’

She nodded, her hands tight on her lap, clearly considering it. ‘I’ll be honest, that it’s not… how I dreamt of becoming a grandmother. And it’s more information about your life than I would have liked.’ Jayce cringed. He’d certainly never wanted to tell his mom about his relationships, which were often short, incredibly sexual, and not exactly anything serious. ‘But… I’m glad that it’s Viktor.’ She smiled. ‘Of any person to be having my grandchild by, I’m glad for it to be him. I wish that the two of you were together, and um, when your Abuela meets the baby, it would be good if you could pretend to at least be in a relationship, just to avoid her having a heart attack when she meets her great-grandchild. Your cousin Dani has already made her aware of this new generation of people not getting married, but I think even this… would just be too far for her.’

Jayce nodded, eager to move on to literally any other topic than how he and Vikor had had sex. ‘Yeah, of course. Of course. It’s still a long way away now. We’ve still got five, six months to go.’

She smiled softly at him. ‘I don’t know, baby, it’s going to go fast. And I think you need to think about what’s going to happen once your baby is here.’

‘We are,’ Jayce told her, although he wasn’t so certain.

‘I don’t know, Jayce. You said you’re going to parent together, but do you know how? Are you both going to have nurseries in your separate apartments, and you’re going to pass the baby back and forth a week at a time? Do you know how much care a newborn requires? And you’re both going to cope with it independently? Newborns need so much time with their parents, is one of you going to have primary custody? How do you decide? How does this effect a child, going between two different homes their whole life? I think you have a lot to consider.’

Jayce paused. It was true, he’d been so stressed about the telling of people, of managing Viktor’s morning sickness, getting him to appointments, and still working, he’d not really stopped to think about when their kid was born. Viktor and him lived in separate apartments, he wasn’t even sure if he had space for a nursery. He had a penthouse apartment, 90% of it this giant space was dedicated to his living room, his kitchen and dining space. He had another bedroom, which was his office. And Viktor’s apartment was almost worse. Where the hell was this baby going to live?

At that point, Viktor knocked on the door, and he poked his head in through the door. ‘Am I alright to come in?’

Ximena quickly turned away from Jayce, smiling. ‘Yes! Yes! Come in!’ She stood up. ‘How has the pregnancy been? Are you showing at all? How have you been feeling?’

Viktor was only too happy to show her the bump that was developing, and she gasped and smiled. ‘I wonder how big baby will be if you’re already showing. Jayce was a huge baby when he was born, he was almost ten pounds.’ She smiled at him, and Jayce shook his head. It had been a long standing thing his mom would remind him of. A joke in their family, but Viktor did not seem to find it as funny. Probably because he was going to be the one trying to get that potential ten pound baby out. ‘I hope not. I was a premie, I was five pounds. That might be a lot easier on my body.’

Ximena smiled, maybe sensing his nervousness. ‘Well, you’ll probably balance each other out.’ She shifted in her seat. ‘Do you want to see Jayce’s baby pictures?’

Jayce knew it was coming, and he groaned, but Viktor leaned forward excitedly.

His mom brought out the albums, showing him that huge baby that almost jumped straight into six month old clothing. ‘We had so much newborn clothing we never got to use. I don’t think any of it would be any good for you to use, which is a shame,’ Ximena said, passing over a picture of baby Jayce in his father’s arms. He was truly a gigantic baby, with big dark brown eyes and chubby cheeks. Viktor laughed. ‘You were adorable!’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Jayce said, rolling his eyes.

There were pictures with his dad and his family. His father was from Lebanon, but had come to America very early in life. His grandparents had come over just after getting married, but they went on occasional trips back to Lebanon. Jayce loved his Lebanese family, loved the foods and the parties that would happen. He loved that it was different from his Mexican family parties, and he loved that he got to experience both.

There was a picture with young Jayce sat on his dad’s lap, watching his hands move. It was clearly when Jayce was younger, because his dad didn’t really sign to him once he got older. But baby Jayce was clearly following his hands with intense focus. Another picture was a young Jayce, at a school event. He was very unhappy looking, with his giant radio hearing aid pack strapped to his chest. ‘I hated that hearing aid so much. It was so big, and uncomfortable.’

‘You kept taking it off,’ Ximena said. ‘There was pretty much a TA who just focused on keeping your hearing aids on.’ She smiled. ‘We were so glad when you got your wireless ones.’

Pictures of him as a chubby kid, winning science fairs. Pictures of him with his cousins, always looking elsewhere when everyone was facing the camera. There was a picture that Jayce in his head referred to as ‘The obvious proof of my autism as a child’, where two of his cousins were sat for the camera and posing, and Jayce was crouched down looking into a rock pool. He had faint memories of not understanding what the point was of looking at the camera, so he just never did it.

Finally, puberty kicked in, and he grew up, grew into his body. His puppy fat melted and his body hardened from the blacksmithing he helped his dad with. His height went up, and he went from average height to head and shoulders above everyone else. His hearing aids went from bright red to skin tone. His mom had paid extra, for his skin tone to be matched – they had a neutral skin tone, but it was too white for him. He’d literally begged her, told her he just wanted to be able to blend in.

His dad died when he was fourteen years old, and the albums became sparse then. That’s when Ximena shut the albums, avoiding having to talk about it. She smiled at Viktor, who was still cooing at how little Jayce looked. ‘I hope baby is as cute as you were,’ he said, and Jayce logged that into his long term memory.

He gave a very faux-casual shrug. ‘Nah, I’m sure you were just as cute.’

Viktor snorted. ‘I looked like an Eastern European ghost child, I was unsettling, not cute.’

Ximena tutted. ‘Ah, you will have plenty of time to think about that. How have you been in the meantime, your morning sickness has been okay?’

They talked at length about all of these things. Both of them seemed surprised when Jayce was able to recount off the top of his head every smell and food that made Viktor sick. ‘Am I not meant to keep track of these things?’ he asked. His mom smiled, shaking her head, before asking Viktor about his cravings. Jayce had brought the sonograms with him, and gave them to her. She held them like they were something precious.

After a few hours, Viktor started to fidget in his seat, and Jayce knew he needed to stretch and get up, so he announced their plan to leave soon.

Viktor stood up, and Ximena went to help him. ‘Please, stay in touch. I’ll give you my number, and if I can do anything for you… if you need help getting to appointments, if you need someone to cook for you, even if you just need to talk to someone whose done it before. I’m so glad we’re going to be family, and we are family, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Viktor’s voice was quiet, suddenly, clearly taken aback.

‘I’m so happy for you, you’re going to make amazing parents. Can I… hug you?’

He just nodded his head, and Ximena put her arms around him. When they pulled away, Jayce noticed Viktor quickly wiping his eyes. ‘I need to use the bathroom again before we leave, I’m sorry.’ Jayce had no idea whether it was genuine or if he wanted some time to himself for a moment.

He closed the door, and Ximena turned to Jayce. ‘When did you find out?’ she asked slowly, looking down at the scans.

‘He fainted at work, so we got a scan at six weeks, which I know is earlier than normal.’

She nodded. ‘Eight weeks ago,’ she said, quietly. The ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ was implicit, unspoken.

Jayce looked down at his hands. ‘Viktor was convinced that he was going to miscarry. So we waited until the second trimester and I… I didn’t want you to find out, only for him to miscarry. Because… of the… the troubles you and dad had.’ All the miscarriages that Jayce knew about, and probably the many more he didn’t know about.

Her eyes went wide. ‘Oh, baby. You didn’t have to worry about that. I’m so sorry.’ She put her arms out, and Jayce went in, melting into her arms. She brushed his hair, squeezing him. She pulled away. ‘It was a long time ago, Jayce. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to shield me, that’s not your job.’

‘I just remembered what it was like for you and dad, and I didn’t want you to have to remember it again if you didn’t have to,’ he whispered.

‘Hey, hey,’ she said firmly. ‘It’s okay, Jayce. You’re such a sweet boy, and such a good man. But I’m still your mom, okay? You don’t need to protect me. And that means if… anything happens, during the pregnancy, to Viktor… you need to tell me. You don’t have to worry about me. You have more important things to think about now.’

Getting back in the car, Viktor relaxed back in his seat.

‘Are you tired? Sorry, that was a lot to dump on you,’ Jayce said, getting back into the comfort zone that was caring for people.

Viktor shook his head. ‘It was just… it was nice. Really nice. To tell someone and to get to be happy about it. When we found out there was just shock, and what are we going to do? So to actually, finally, get to the point where it’s exciting.’ Viktor tapped his hand against the car door. ‘I’m glad that baby is going to be a Talis. I’m glad they have your family.’

It was the honesty it was said with that made Jayce’s heart flutter. That Viktor was happy to be here with him. He wanted to speak, and found his voice was caught in his throat. He croaked out a quiet ‘Me too,’ and started to reverse the car before anything else threatened to come out.

Chapter Text

Viktor knew Jayce would come looking for him eventually. It was one of the sureties, if he ever attended a parties. With other people, they usually didn’t care where he went – most people gave up on him in social situations, but Jayce always tried to find him. It made Viktor feel… cared for. Jayce understood Viktor’s need to disappear for a while, but he always checked in on him. In a room full of people, Viktor was usually the only physically disabled person, and it made him both constantly observed, while also invisible. He knew people were looking at him, because whenever he’d look their way, they’d turn away. They were intrigued with his crutch, the leg brace (it was one of Hextech’s first patented mobility aids and prosthesis, Viktor’s was technically a handmade version which had Jayce’s personal signatures on it - unnecessary, but it made him feel special), they saw him more as an intriguing thing than a person. It’s why he didn’t like being so public, the way that Jayce was. When they reported on Jayce, it was ‘Brilliant young inventor’. When Viktor showed up, he was ‘Russian-born disabled scientist’.

But Jayce saw different. Viktor smiled to himself when he heard the lab door open.

Jayce put their paternity cover meeting into the work calendar, but obviously, he didn’t label it as such. He simply put ‘Meeting with leadership team’ which was technically him and Viktor, and then added Mel and Sky onto it.

Which meant Viktor came into the lab to find Sky rushing at him. ‘What did I do?’ she asked, her eyes wide, clutching her phone in her hand. ‘I’m really sorry if I did something, I just can’t think if I did anything –’

Viktor checked his own phone, saw the update, and had to fight from rolling his eyes. ‘Sky, it’s a mistake.’

She blinked at him. ‘What?’

‘Well. No. It’s not a mistake. Jayce just… labelled it like it’s bad, and I promise you it isn’t. He’s just not put any context into it, but it’s not a bad thing, I promise you.’

‘What is it about, then?’ she asked, still clutching her phone.

Viktor sighed, glad that their assistants were scheduled to come in an hour after they were. ‘I’m going to be taking some time off in a few months, and I need someone to do my work in the interim, and we’re going to be offering you that position.’ She stared owlishly back at him. ‘It will be a little bit better pay, just because of some of the admin, and I’m probably looking at promoting Ekko or Jinx to help you, maybe they can be a leader afterwards as well, it’s probably a good idea to look for another team leader to be spreading the workload anyway, but-’

‘Why are you taking time off?’ she asked. ‘Are you sick? Do you need to have surgery again?’

The one thing nobody had told Viktor about pregnancy was just how much time you spend talking about it. It seemed like all he did now was talk about this baby, or pee in cups to check on baby or having scans to see what the baby looked like (apple sized, currently). ‘I’m pregnant. Jayce and I are starting a family,’ he said, trying to avoid her eyes. ‘We’re going to be going on paternity leave in about six months for about a year, or until… until we can get the kid into daycare here.’ That was one of the things he was relieved at – that they’d worked on making their company space as accessible to their workers as possible, and part of that was opening a daycare on the property. Thank god they wouldn’t have to try and find a space at one of those fancy ones in the business quarter of the city.

‘You and Jayce are what? I don’t know you and Jayce were – together.’ Viktor appreciated how she lowered her voice, even though they were in an empty room. He could always count on Sky to be discreet.

‘We’re not. Just. I’m not getting younger. I’m on the cusp of what they’re calling a geriatric pregnancy as is. I don’t have time to find a romantic partner who I can trust, and put in the four years minimum it would take to build up that trust and compatibility. Jayce has been my friend for over ten years. He’s my partner in a lot of things. And it… made sense, in a weird way. We wanted to have children, so why not just… have a kid together?’

It made no sense. He knew it made no real sense. It was such a sudden and odd thing to do – to want to be a parent so badly (something neither of them had previously expressed interest in) that you’d start a family with your platonic best friend. It wasn’t the normal way of doing things, they knew that. But they also knew that, professionally, they couldn’t be going around telling the board they’d had a one-night stand in the office. It was all kinds of HR violations. And just personally, Viktor would rather die than tell Sky he’d had sex on his desk in the lab he shared with her.

‘Oh,’ Sky said. ‘You really thought… no one else would ever want to be with you?’

Viktor snorted. ‘Well, it’s worked out great so far, hasn’t it?’ He so didn’t want to talk about this. She opened her mouth to say something new, and he just wanted to move on. ‘Is it alright if we get a move on to the meeting? We should probably go, now.’

‘Oh, okay.’

He had, of course, forgotten they would be walking there together. ‘Is this why you were drinking maple syrup? I did think it was odd, even for your sweet tooth.’

Viktor nodded. ‘The cravings are… more intense than I thought they would be. I ate an entire pack of chicken strips for dinner the other day. Jayce said it was something about eating more protein, and now he’s threatening to make protein pancakes or something disgusting.’ It did feel nice to be able to talk to someone about it.

Sky smiled. ‘He cares about you a lot. To make sure that you and the baby are okay.’ She looked over him. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t think about it, but then again, you’re not showing at all.’

‘I am, I’m just wearing clothing that’s able to cover it.’ He saw her trying to look, and took a moment to sigh, and then pulled his sweater up to show her the small but distinctive swell of his belly.

She gasped. ‘Oh, you’re pregnant.’

‘I’m only going to get bigger. I’m just skinny.’

She was still thinking about it, her voice kind of dreamy. ‘You’re going to have a baby. There’s going to be a little you running around.’

‘A little person created by me and Jayce, yes. Which is… not going to be very little, from what Jayce’s mom has told me about his birth weight.’

‘Oh no, what are we going to do?’

‘I don’t know, I’m leaving thinking about that until maybe month seven.’

Mel and Jayce were already there, when Viktor and Sky came in to take their seats. Jayce took the lead as he always did, explaining the situation. Mel knew already, because of course she did. Once at a party, Viktor had almost become convinced that the woman could read minds - there was something to her intuition that felt supernatural (to be fair, he was also profoundly stoned at the time). Both women accepted the position readily. Viktor discussed picking either Jinx or Ekko to train up to become an authority, and Jayce asked if it could be Ekko, because he wasn’t sure if they could trust Jinx not to blow the lab up. Viktor reminded Jayce of their own track record of blowing things up, and Jayce had closed his mouth, deciding not to argue any further.

‘I may need to shadow you on a couple of things, but I think… obviously with preparation, this will work. No doubt the board will have something to say, but don’t they always?’ Mel said. It had all seemed so easy – Viktor was getting ready to get up, go back to the lab for the day with one thing off his mental list of urgent things to do. But then Mel spoke again: ‘I do have some questions though, about how you’re considering this being broken to the public?’

Viktor cocked his head. ‘I didn’t know this was something that needed to be broken to the public?’

Mel clasped her hands on the desk. ‘Well, you’re both public figures. You don’t think people are going to notice that you’ve had a baby together?’ She looked at Jayce, clearly expecting more from him. ‘On slow news days, your office wear gets photographed and you get a fashion column about it.’

Jayce blushed – he was always embarrassed about the level of popularity he had, knowing it was mostly because of his appearance. He wasn’t what people expected when they heard ‘Tech Company Founder’, and because of it he’d become more of a public figure, people interested in what he was wearing. ‘That’s just me, though…’

‘And you’re, what? You’re not going to ever be with your baby in public?’ Her eyes turned back to Viktor. ‘I would also argue it’s not just you. Perhaps you should take some time to become more aware of Viktor’s own public image.’

‘I’m just some disabled foreigner,’ Viktor muttered. ‘I’m what people expect when they think of a tech founder.’

Mel raised an eyebrow momentarily. ‘I would suggest you do a brief search on social media.’

‘Okay, well. What can we do? The way you talk, then it’s all just going to come out anyway, there’s nothing we can do about it.’ Jayce crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his seat.

‘I didn’t say there was nothing you can do about it.’ Mel shifted in her seat, leaning closer. ‘What is it that the two of you want, in an ideal world? What do you want from the media during this pregnancy? A formalised announcement? Public pregnancy photos? A complete media blackout?’

‘I want privacy,’ Viktor told her. ‘I know I’m just going to be another weird fascination for people, being a pregnant man. I want privacy from pictures. And I don’t want our child photographed when they’re born. We’re not using our child for any publicity – for the company, or otherwise.’ He turned to Jayce, relieved to see him nodding along.

‘Then, may I suggest that we hire a PR team to help manage this.’

‘A PR team!?’ Jayce sat forward. ‘Is it really necessary?’

Mel nodded gravely. ‘It takes one photograph for the story to launch. For now, there’s no physical change to Viktor that makes him visibly pregnant. No one knows, and it’s easy to stay that way. But what are you going to do when you can’t hide it so easily? A PR team deals with that work for you. It’s one thing you’re not personally having to stress about. And after all, which one of us is the daughter of a tech millionaire who grew up in the media?’ she smiled gently.

‘I think we should do it.’ Viktor put his hand against his stomach, as if to calm them, or protect them. ‘I think we should take it seriously.’

‘I think that’s a good decision,’ Mel told him. ‘I’ll look into companies, I have an idea of a couple which might be good for this type of work, and I’ll come back when I have something to talk to you about.’

‘Thank you, Mel,’ Jayce said quietly. The meeting over, Mel and Sky went back to their offices, Jayce asking Viktor to stay behind for a moment. ‘I’m so sorry, this is my fault.’

Viktor smiled at him. ‘We both set up this company. We both knew.’ He rubbed his belly. ‘We may owe Mel position of godmother or something, after this.’

That made Jayce smile. ‘You weren’t already thinking of it?’

‘I was anticipating Caitlyn. Perhaps Sky. I can’t actually think of any men I’d give the position to, and they don’t exactly have any husbands or boyfriends to promote.’

‘Who says the baby can’t just have three godmothers and no godfathers? They’ve already got twice the dads.’

Viktor laughed at that. ‘True.’ He shuffled, preparing to get up. ‘Well. Time for work again.’ Jayce got up to help him, but Viktor waved him off. Jayce looked like he had something else to say. ‘See you later. I think we should have dinner together.’

‘Oh – sure. As long as you promise not to put protein powder in anything.’

‘We’ll see.’

They just stayed looking at each other. If we were a normal couple expecting a baby, Viktor thought, this would be when we’d kiss, say ‘I love you,’ before we left each other. Instead they just stared awkwardly at each other, and then Jayce clapped him on the shoulder and said ‘Right, see you for dinner.’

Viktor wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting, when he took Mel’s advice of searching his own name on social media, but it wasn’t what he found. Jayce’s name garnered more or less what he expected: a lot of women (and a fair amount of men, to be fair) thirsting after him. A lot of men trying to say that Jayce is like the ideal alpha man to copy, which was hilarious, because it clearly meant they had no idea who Jayce was. Jayce did get his gym clothes from a sponsorship deal, so his goings to and from the gym were always conveniently papped and used by the brand for advertising. There were articles about what Jayce Talis wore to the office. Disappointingly little about what Jayce Talis’s opinion was on anything, especially when it came to assistive tech or mobility aids, despite that being the entire company. Did Viktor feel a little possessive, being one of the few people who knew Jayce, understood him as more than just a hot man, but who knew his mind? Perhaps.

Viktor didn’t have any articles about just him. His name would basically be tacked on to whatever Jayce said, so no one ever requested a solo interview. After all, they all assumed he spoke little-to-no English. Which meant it was mostly random people on the internet talking about him, which was weird. The first post he saw pretty much summed up what everyone had to say about him:

Who is that fuckable twink that always hangs around with the tech guy Talis? Like does he have a boyfriend or something?

          -Bitch, that’s the co-founder???

                    -That twink knows science?!?!

Viktor sighed. The rest of it wasn’t much better.

Sometimes I do think it’s sus as hell that one of our tech companies is supposedly run by a Russian immigrant of which you can find almost no public information on, but I do have to admit he is pretty cute

           -I’d let him steal my info tbf

Most of the post used the photograph he’d been forced to put on the company website. It was an okay headshot, so Viktor was fine with it. But for one of the posts, someone had taken one of the unflattering pictures of him stood up, with his hunched back visible, and just added the caption: Anyone else think the other Hextech guy looks like those borzoi dogs when they stand up on their hind legs?

He clicked off the tab. Okay. He clearly had some kind of online presence, but it wasn’t exactly anything than him being mocked. He didn’t understand Mel’s point.

‘Have you looked up what people say about me?’ he asked Jayce when they got dinner together – it was ordered food at Jayce’s dining table, Mel’s talk having made them a little nervous. ‘Yeah, most of it is people saying you look hot and mysterious,’ Jayce said, not looking up from his own food.

Viktor arched an eyebrow. ‘Most of what I saw was just people making fun of me.’

‘Yeah, that happens, too,’ Jayce responded easily. ‘Someone made a post about how it looks like I have no neck because it’s basically the same width as my head and it still runs through my mind every time I look in the mirror.’

Viktor choked on the sudden laughter that bubbled up. ‘I’m sorry, it was just so sudden,’ he said between coughing fits. Jayce smiled, his tooth-gap on display.

‘It’s fine. When I told Caitlyn and Vi, Vi just laughed and said it was true.’ He shrugged. ‘And it took for that to happen for me to realise it was just a funny comment. It’s no different to when you tell me my calves are some of the most uncomfortable things you’ve ever seen in your life.’ He smiled easily in away that made Viktor’s heart flutter. He loved Jayce’s smile.

‘The muscle is just so… there. It’s so strange,’ Viktor replied, not willing to have this conversation again. ‘Someone said I looked like those weird haunted dogs that look like horses, but when they stand up on their hind legs.’

Jayce threw his head back to laugh at that, and Viktor couldn’t help but laugh, too. Suddenly the serious upset and affront seemed stupid. ‘I saw that, and then I just stopped looking, because I didn’t understand whatever point Mel was trying to make.’

‘I guess that it’s you’re not as invisible as you think you are, and we shouldn’t rest on that, or hope that nobody is going to say anything because of that.’

Viktor groaned, leaning on his hand. ‘I just want things to be easy. But… they’re not going to get easier, are they? If anything, the bigger this baby gets, the harder it’s going to be.’

Jayce went quiet in thought for a moment. ‘Can I say something?’ he asked.

‘We’re already talking, aren’t we?’

Jayce cleaned his hands off on his napkin. ‘My mom asked me some questions, about what we were expecting to do later on in the pregnancy, what we were going to do when the baby was here. And I realised that we need to start discussing the logistics of it. What our expectations are. And I want you to know that I am fully committed to being our child’s father. I’m not just wanting to pay child support, or see them on the weekends.’

‘I know that, Jayce,’ Viktor said quietly.

Some of the tension eased out of Jayce’s shoulders. ‘Okay. Well, I wanted to make a suggestion, then.’

‘Alright.’

‘I think we should move in together.’

Viktor dropped the fork he was holding, letting it clatter onto the plate, he was just staring back at Jayce. ‘What?’

Chapter Text

He still doesn’t know why Viktor let him kiss him. They were a couple of glasses of champagne deep. They’d talked about everything, but mostly where they began.

Jayce couldn’t help but speak. ‘You really… you saved my life. Hextech saved my life, you know that?’

Viktor shrugged, turning his face away. ‘So you never let me forget.’ He always joked it off, when Jayce talked about it.

But Jayce didn’t want to joke it off. ‘No, seriously, Viktor. You were… the only person who believed in me. The only person who saw me. If you hadn’t been there, I would have killed myself. I was so certain on that. You saved my life.’ Viktor turned to him, studying him. He’d looked beautiful, the pale spots on his skin glowing in the moonlight. He’d taken his tie off, his shirt undone. He was growing his hair out, and the curls were going everywhere. The back of his head had gone white – the progression of vitiligo, which had appeared on his hands first, but had spread over his whole body now, patches around his eyes, and his jaw. Jayce thought it was beautiful, and he caught a piece of Viktor’s hair in his hands, brushing the curl around his finger. Viktor smiled at him, and Jayce smiled back.

And then he leaned in and kissed him. Just a press of lips against his. He leaned back, nervous about his reaction. He was expecting anxiety, confusion, maybe rejection. But he leaned back, and Viktor smiled at him. Both of them laughed, and then Viktor leaned in again.

Jayce had prepared for a few reactions. Dismissal, confusion – had hoped for an agreement. But outright – what? – disgust? Viktor was leaning away from him – his eyes wide, as if he’d just suggested they get matching tattoos on their foreheads. And Jayce didn’t want to see that in Viktor. He didn’t want to see Viktor looking at him like that.

So Jayce did what Jayce always did – he started talking. ‘It’s the only thing that makes sense, V. Otherwise, what? The baby lives with you in your apartment, and where am I meant to go? There’s no space in your apartment for me, you and baby. And the idea of going home, and leaving you alone with the baby overnight? I can’t do that. We can’t – how are we meant to be a family in two separate places?’

Viktor frowned at him, it was almost like a dog with his hackles up. ‘So my only option is to just give up my space and move in here with you?’

Jayce cocked his head. ‘No – there’s no space here. Where would the nursery go? I think we should get a house.’

‘Oh,’ Viktor’s shoulders dropped a fraction.

‘You think I’d just tell you to move here?  There would be no space! We need two bedrooms, a nursery, a bathroom that’s accessible, and we need offices, a bigger living room –  a bigger kitchen.’ Viktor was still hesitant, still seemed unsure. ‘We have the money, V. Fuck, we could get a house with a pool if we wanted.’

‘Pools are not safe with small children,’ Viktor said. He’d been speaking almost automatically. That blinked him out of it. ‘You don’t like my cat,’ he said.

Like that was the biggest problem of all.

‘Rio doesn’t like me,’ Jayce said, just to clear things up. ‘And so what? I can live with a cat that hates me, if it means getting to be there with my kid.’ Viktor didn’t say anything, and Jayce needed to fill the silence. ‘And hey – looking after that animal is basically like looking after a baby anyway. Maybe helping you with her will give me some practice.’

Viktor smirked at that, but didn’t say anything else.

Jayce leaned back. ‘Do you get why I want this to happen, though?’

Viktor sighed. ‘Yeah… yeah, I can imagine that you would want to keep an eye on me.’

Wait, what?

Jayce shook his head. ‘V, it’s not that. You think I don’t believe you’re capable?’

Viktor didn’t look at him. He was looking pointedly down at the table. ‘It would be understandable, if you didn’t.’

Jayce wanted to scream. Viktor was simultaneously one of the most confident and insecure people at the same time. He could dismiss someone with a look, he was domineering, fiercely independent. At every one of his surgeries, Viktor took recovery goals as a personal challenge, as if everyone expected him to fail. And from the little Jayce knew of Viktor’s early years, they had. But it came at a cost. Viktor refused to look weak – whatever his definition of the word was. At worst: he had fractured his hand during an experiment, and had refused to admit to the injury until Jayce locked him in his car and drove him to Urgent Care. Getting him to agree to a wheelchair was a battle that had taken Jayce and his doctors years. And he still only used it on his worst pain days.

Viktor assumed everyone thought of him as weak. No matter how much Jayce tried to show that he wasn’t. Viktor always assumed he had to fight. It was endlessly infuriating, but Jayce knew it was from the wounded part of him inside.

So he took a deep breath.

‘Where is baby going to go, in your apartment? Between your bedroom, your study, the bathroom, and the living room.’

Viktor shifted. ‘I’ve read that it’s better for baby to sleep in a bassinet in the parent’s room for the first few months.’

‘And what about the baby clothes, the diapers, the changing table. I don’t think you should have that in your main room.’ Viktor looked away. ‘And what about me? Where am I in this?’

Viktor let a breath out. ‘I don’t know… you come over.’

Jayce smiled, leaning forward. Viktor knew that it was irrational. ‘I don’t want to have to come over to visit my baby every day. V. And you shouldn’t have to do all the night feeds by yourself. All night, every night. We’re a team in this.’ Viktor had his hand on his belly, brushing it. ‘Is having me as a roommate again really so bad?’

Viktor looked up at him. ‘It’s weird, the idea of moving in with someone again. I’ve gotten used to being on my own.’

‘Is that your way of saying you’ve developed gross habits that you’re embarrassed for me to see.’

Viktor smiled. ‘Perhaps.’

‘Me too.’

They sat in quiet for a while, Jayce was aware of Viktor thinking. He just had to wait to see what he said.

‘I don’t want a house with stairs,’ he eventually said. ‘It would need to be wheelchair accessible.’

Jayce tried to hide his excitement. ‘Absolutely.’

‘And I don’t want to live in some overly large, expensive house… I want as big as we need, and that be it.’

Jayce nodded. ‘No mansions, got it.’

He immediately went in to house-hunting mode. ‘Because really – he’s nearly four months pregnant. We have five months to find the house, to move out, to move in, to get the house accessible – the bathroom is going to have to be altered, and I need to put in my own stuff, and then we need to get everything for the nursery. First pregnancies are likely to be overdue, but… I don’t want to rely on that.’

He didn’t hear anything, so he just turned around to look at Caitlyn, who was lying on his couch. She looked up at him, staring at him. ‘When are you going to tell people? What are you going to say, you’re just deciding to be roomies again, all of a sudden? Do your coworkers even know?’

He took a deep breath, slouching in his seat. ‘Could you try to be a bit more supportive? I know this is… weird. I know it’s weird, Caitlyn! I’m aware. I know it’s strange, but this is all it’s ever going to be now. This is normal now.’

She sat up. ‘I’m sorry, Jayce. I know it’s hard.’

Jayce scrubbed a hand over his face. ‘We’re not going to be doing any big announcements anyway. We’re about two steps away from giving people NDAs at work.’

She blinked. ‘NDAs? What are you doing, hiding a whole baby?’

Jayce closed his eyes. ‘I’m a public figure. I don’t want gossip, and I don’t want the baby being in the news. I don’t want their face public, I don’t even want their name public. And Viktor… he’s not going to want the pregnancy public. So if one person talks, one person decides to sell a story… there goes the last five months of peace.’

She nodded, looking at him. ‘It’s a good idea, to keep your kid private. I’m glad you’re already taking steps for it. I can tell you from experience, it… was not a good situation for growing up.’

Jayce had almost forgotten that Caitlyn had grown up with her family in the society pages. She had personal experience with it, of growing up with people looking at her like she was a concept, not a person, of a thing to be observed and judged, not a growing child. It solidified everything he was worried about for his child into something deeper, a need to keep them safe.

‘Have you considered just asking people nicely?’ she said suddenly. Jayce blinked at her. ‘I mean, these people work under you, they like you, they respect you. The board knows it will be bad for business if they talk shit about other board members, but for your employees, if you just explain you’re wanting to have privacy… people respond much better to being taken into your confidence than being asked to sign a contract implying you don’t trust them. It’s how I got away with sneaking out for so long, I just asked the staff not to tell on me.’

Jayce thought on it. He hoped their employees were happy. Viktor spent a lot of energy in checking and rechecking with workers that their pay was adequate, that their insurance was good, that they had everything they needed. He would check and adjust pay for everything he could, had his own little system for ensuring liveable wages and what each person needed to live a life without having to rely on overtime and extra projects to survive, making sure they had enough in their wages for savings, holidays and emergencies. It was really important to Viktor – Jayce too, but Viktor went about it with a burning urge, because he knew what it was like to go without. The last Jayce had checked, their employee satisfaction rate was good, but he was spending less and less time around the majority of his employees now, he relied more on the feedback of department heads for that.

He could only hope it would be okay.

House hunting with Viktor was not easy. Jayce made a list of properties that hit all of the things the two of them had discussed: wheelchair accessible, one floor, reasonably sized, with three bedrooms, and space for offices and workshops. He made a list of four houses he was excited to show Viktor, but when he did, the man sneered at them.

‘What’s wrong with them?’ he asked out of frustration. ‘They’ve got everything you asked for.’

‘It’s the neighbours, Jayce,’ Viktor said quietly. His fingers still clicking through the images.

‘What about them?’

‘The voting history, along with the diversity – or lack of it – in these neighbourhoods is concerning.’ He looked over at Jayce. ‘We are a queer, mixed-race, mixed abilities family. I’m an immigrant. I do not think we are going to be welcome in these places, and I do not think this is going to be a place where we can raise our child without snide comments.’

It was obvious once he had said it, but it was a hole in Jayce’s vision. Because, in his mind, he and Viktor were not a couple, he almost forgot that their relationship was still queer. They were two men about to have a child – of course it was queer. But he’d spent so much time in a space where that was normal, and his brain focused so much on them not actually being together, that it had slipped his mind what they looked like to the outside.

Two men about to have a baby.

He sighed, slouching in his seat. ‘You’re right,’ he said eventually. ‘Let me rethink.’

‘Let’s both have a look, and come back to each other.’

They agreed on some more specifications. A good school area – God, they were going to be having a child who in five years’ time would be going to pre-school, and then kindergarten, Jayce couldn’t get it to compute – with a more liberal voting area, and more diversity. Viktor brought his list to Jayce first.

‘Yeah, they look nice,’ Jayce agreed.

Viktor stopped what he was doing and turned around. ‘What?’

Jayce blinked at him. ‘I said they look nice.’

Viktor was staring into his soul, and it made Jayce look away. ‘You don’t talk like that when you like things. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing’s wrong – I said they look nice.’

‘How am I meant to fix things if you won’t tell me what’s wrong with it?’

‘Because there’s nothing wrong with them, per se, it’s just…’

‘Just what?’

Jayce’s cheeks were red. ‘It’s just a couple neighbourhoods over from my mom’s  house. Like, the house and neighbourhood I grew up in.’

Viktor blinked, not saying anything. He didn’t understand.

‘It feels like… when everyone just turns into their parents, and they get a house in the same place they grew up in, and then settle down and have kids like their parents before them. And I don’t mean that as a bad thing necessarily, I just…’

‘It doesn’t make you happy.’

Jayce looked over at Viktor, who had looked away, already his mind working on other things. It happened sometimes – it was like Viktor could see into Jayce’s mind, like he was able to pull out and name things Jayce himself did not understand. And he did so without judgement, without hatred, or frustration. He just understood in a way nobody else did.

‘Yeah. Exactly.’

Viktor didn’t whine about the difficulty, he just added it to their list of Nos for a property.

‘Sorry for being difficult,’ Jayce said.

‘You’re not,’ Viktor told him, typing away. ‘This is our family home. We’re not choosing something that you hate.’ Jayce was in awe at how casually Viktor is able to talk about it. The casual mention of ‘our family’. Jayce himself found he struggled to think of those things without crying.

They found a few houses in various neighbourhoods they both liked, and applied for  viewings. It was unusually warm, and Viktor’s apartment, despite its air-con, was really struggling. Viktor was hanging around in shorts and one of his old band t-shirts, and Jayce was in a vest with his sweatpants hanging low. Viktor lay on his sofa, leaning back on a set of pillows. He’d pulled his shirt up over his bump, stating that his bump in particular was hot. It was nice to be one of the trusted few who got to see a bedraggled Viktor, not dressed up for work. How he was with his bangs pinned back, and his old band t-shirt with a hole in the neckline from his absentminded chewing. His bump was fairly impressive, but it was probably because there wasn’t much to Viktor anyway. There was something glowing about him, and Jayce tried to not be caught staring. There was a span of white patches around his belly button and over his hip which he wanted to lean down and kiss.

Viktor was lying down, sighing. ‘I told my landlord I’m going to be breaking my lease soon. Told her I was leaving to start a family.’

‘Oh yeah? How did that go?’ Jayce had been making their drinks, coming over to hand Viktor his traditional Pepsi.

‘Well. She was happy for me. Said something ‘about time’ which I pretended not to hear. Said she could also finally update the apartment, because I’ve been refusing to let her do that.’ He sighed, taking his Pepsi and taking a big drink from it.

‘How are you feeling?’ Jayce asked, sitting down gently.

‘I’m so tired. And hot. And I just got comfortable about here, and now I need to pee. Because all I need to do is pee. I throw up, and then I pee, and then I try to do everything I can before I need to pee again.’ He shook his head. ‘And Rio needs to be fed, soon.’

The cat was in her bed, watching them. When Jayce had first shown up, Rio had tried to swipe at him, but being severely wobbly, Jayce had easily dodged her.

‘I can’t believe you’re trying to embarrass my disabled cat,’ Viktor said, watching him step over her.

Jayce was familiar with Viktor’s sense of humour. At first it had been something he’d had to get used to.

But he got it more now.

‘I can’t believe your cat is trying to take my leg out. Ableist,’ he shot back.

Jayce had been in a car accident a couple years after he graduated, and had broken his leg pretty severely. He had suffered a compound fracture – the bone had completely snapped, come out through his skin. It took several pins, months of healing, several hours-long surgeries, and physiotherapy. He had pretty gnarly nerve damage, and he had a brace he wore sometimes to secure his knee. One some days, he needed a cane. For a lot of his recovery, Viktor would come over, and they would play video games for hours. They didn’t have to talk. Viktor was there during his physio sessions. At that point, Jayce had looked up, smiling, and said ‘Can I make jokes about ableism now?’

‘Well, I can feed Rio, but unfortunately, I cannot pee for you. I can however, get your medication sorted for you. Get your stuff ready.’

Viktor looked up at him, and pouted. ‘But I’m still going to have to get up, and I’m so comfortable.’

‘So sorry about that, buddy.’

Jayce took the drink away from him, putting his hands out to help him up.

‘I hate how my shirt feels on my stomach,’ Viktor said, standing up.

‘Well, just take it off. You’re in your own house.’

‘But my chest feels cold.’

Jayce smiled, and he went over. The shirt was large enough that he was able to knot it into a crop top. ‘There you go.’

Viktor sighed. ‘This is only going to get worse, isn’t it?’

‘It’s alright. You look amazing.’ And then, because it was a little too close to the truth, Jayce coughed. ‘I’ll get your medications, and feed the rat.’

Viktor laughed. ‘She is a baby, not a rat.’

‘Sure.’

Viktor turned, shuffling away, grabbing his crutch.

‘Alright, Rio, let’s have some of your disgusting food.’

Rio yawned, stumbling out of her bed, blinking, before realising it was Jayce feeding her. She stayed still, watching him. ‘Okay. Fuck you.’

He put the food down in her bowl (raised up on a block so she didn’t have to bend down so far, next to her water fountain with filtered water, with a chemical in it to keep her teeth clean), but she just stared at him. She waited until after he’d finished sorting Viktor’s meds, and he got back to the couch, before she wobbled over to her bowl.

Jayce sighed, rolling his eyes.

Sat down again, he felt a twinge in his leg.

‘Is it bothering you?’ Viktor asked, coming out of the bathroom.

‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ It’s not, he’d walked over to Viktor’s apartment, wanting to stretch his legs. ‘I’ll get an uber, or something.’

‘Why don’t you just stay over?’ Viktor asked.

Jayce scoffed. ‘And staying on the couch is going to help?’

Viktor shrugged, Jayce’s eyes following Viktor’s scars down his back, grateful he didn’t have to make eye contact. He didn’t really hear what Viktor said next, with his back turned. ‘Say again?’

Viktor turned around. ‘Why don’t you just sleep in bed with me? Not the first time we’ve done that.’

It was true, but that was… before.

‘Are you sure?’ Jayce asked hesitantly.

Viktor shrugged. ‘Not like you can get me pregnant again.’

Jayce choked. And then Viktor laughed. He laughed so hard he put a hand to both his stomach and his back. ‘But seriously. Makes it easier to go get breakfast tomorrow, and get to work.’

Jayce thought about it for a moment. It was an easy choice – he would do anything just to spend a little bit more time with Viktor. They were going to work tomorrow, in different departments. The chance to stay over, just to get to see him for a few more minutes in the morning? Of course. ‘Okay. Sure. Just as long as I don’t get into your space. Promise you’ll just kick me out if I do.’

Jayce knew you weren’t meant to get into your best friend’s bed in your underwear, but he knew he couldn’t sleep fully clothed, and made the quick choice to remove his sweatpants before getting into bed beside Viktor. It wasn’t really as romantic, sharing a bed with Viktor anyway, because there was basically a wall of orthopaedic cushions and pillows in the way.

‘My hearing aids are coming out, so if there’s a fire, please at least try to save me first before you go get your awful cat.’

Viktor smiled. ‘I promise.’

Jayce removed his hearing aids, wincing a little – after a long day, it did feel a bit like pulling his brain out through his ear. He was settling down, when he saw Viktor wave his hand to get his attention.

Viktor was lying there facing him, already blinking sleepily. He moved his hands slowly, making one sign: ‘Goodnight.’

Jayce smiled. ‘Goodnight,’ he signed back.

Chapter Text

Viktor hadn’t really experienced kisses like this, until now. He had kissed plenty of people before. But the kissing always felt like a prelude to something else. Something which would only take a minute or two, before his face was pushed lower, for them to show him where they really wanted him to put his mouth.

But kissing Jayce wasn’t like that. He put his hand to Jayce’s jaw, feeling the roughness of his stubble underneath his fingertips, unable to stop himself from rubbing it. Jayce had his hands very politely on Viktor’s waist, grasped there with some force which made Viktor think of those awkward middle school dances. He wanted more, pulling an arm over Jayce’s shoulder, crowding him. Viktor opened his mouth experimentally, and Jayce understood – of course he did. He always understood. Their tongues met in the middle, and Viktor felt himself go weak at the knees.

Viktor was so sick of telling everyone about the pregnancy by now. So sick of it. He understood in theory why it was so important – he was growing a new human being who was going to change the life of everyone around them – but he couldn’t properly imagine the baby yet, he hadn’t even felt it kick (this was something he was increasingly googling more and more, half panicked. They said it was normal and okay to have not felt the kid move until about twenty weeks. It didn’t stop him buying a heart monitor for home so he could check on baby’s heartbeat). All it felt like was informing everyone that he’d had sex. And that wasn’t something Viktor had ever done – he hardly even told his friends about his sex life (partly because no one really believed he had one, probably), let alone awkward and shameful accidental hook-ups with your best friend and soulmate that you didn’t want anybody to know about in the first place.

 Everyone else was already talking about labour and birth, or even what baby was going to be like when they were here, but Viktor was a little preoccupied with all of the things around currently being pregnant. Every day went almost exactly the same:

In the morning, he rolled out of bed to vomit, and then chugged a lot of water to try and reduce the dehydration from the vomiting. He then took all of the medication that he’d had to have a hour and a half long consultation with his specialists about, to ensure none of them caused issues to unborn babies. There were now gaps in his medication regimen which made his pain worse, but it was a little thing to manage to ensure his baby would be okay.

Jayce would usually pick him up to take him to work – he seemed to have an issue with letting Viktor drive himself, but he made up for that by always bringing breakfast. Even knowing Jayce would be there to give him anything he wanted, Viktor usually ate some cereal as he waited. He’d never really understood American cereals – but his baby was determined to make it a staple part of his meal plan.

At the lab, he had taken possession of a rolling stool that he essentially used as a wheelchair. He had one at home, and was aware that he should probably be using it, but he wasn’t ready for that, yet. Mostly, he was using it to try and prevent another episode of fainting. He felt dizzy with some vertigo, but it was difficult to tell if it was related to his heart condition, or if it was just pregnancy. (Viktor announcing his pregnancy had caused almost all of his medical teams to go ‘Oh shit!’ He had so many appointments checking so many things. One doctor had implied she would be interested in writing a research paper on pregnancy in such a complex patient.)

He would work, almost as much as normal – slowing down a little bit because of the nausea. Instead of working through his lunch, Jayce would come and pull him into his office, and Viktor allowed it, because he’d read somewhere that whatever nutrients you don’t provide a growing foetus, it will take from your own body, like a little vampire. He’d told Jayce about it once, and he had disputed it, with his own pregnancy research. ‘It’s more likely for the pregnancy to end than for your body to be affected.’ Even knowing that, it didn’t stop all of his fears; so now Viktor privately worried about both miscarriage, and the baby leeching calcium from his bones.

He then was not allowed to spend that much overtime in the lab, because Jayce would sweep him up to take him to dinner, and then they would look at houses or go to appointments, and then Viktor would go back to his apartment, look after his cat, and then probably puke again, before rolling into bed to do the whole thing again in the morning.

They informed the board that week. A meeting Jayce had forced Viktor to join in on. ‘Why?’ he had asked, shuffling into Jayce’s office with his drink in hand.

Jayce sat down at his desk, avoiding Viktor’s eye contact. ‘We’re discussing what’s going on in your uterus, do you not feel you should be involved?’

Viktor shrugged uncommitted. If it were up to him, he’d let people find out when they met the baby.

The board wasn’t exactly happy about it, to say the least. Any change wasn’t appreciated, including the fact that they were going to have a large amount of shifting around within the company. Mel offered her congratulations, a touch forcefully, in the way that made the others give some.

Viktor was beginning to tune out, when Salo asked a truly baffling question.

‘Is it not bad planning for both of you decide to have children at the same time? One of you couldn’t have waited?’

Jayce frowned, and turned to Viktor – the signal he didn’t hear what he’d said properly. In fairness to him, even if he had heard it correctly, it was still an incredibly odd question.

‘Allow me to clarify,’ Viktor said, probably the first time he’d spoken in this meeting, other than saying hello at the beginning. He very much did not want to clarify, but there wasn’t really any way out of this mess. ‘Jayce and I aren’t having children separately. We’re co-parenting together. I’m four months pregnant.’ As if to illustrate the point, he rested his hand against his stomach, as if they would be able to see it.

The call went so quiet, Viktor wondered for a moment whether it hadn’t frozen. For a moment, the board members were unable to hide their shock, before trying to cover it under neutrality. Salo, since he had been the one addressed, choked out a ‘Well – congratulations.’ It was exactly how Viktor had imagined it being – just as awkward. He figured most of them were probably going to be texting each other, if they weren’t already, ‘Did you know that guy was trans?’

Mel and Jayce did their very best to haul the meeting over to a professional ending, and then, saying goodbye to everyone, and having received very bewildered congratulations, Jayce left the meeting, immediately turning his webcam off, and slouching in his seat.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, turning to Viktor.

‘Why are you sorry?’

Jayce seemed to fumble on that. He usually did. Jayce was a confusing mix: half supremely confident of his own intelligence, refusing to dumb himself down and compromise for people who did not understand him, whilst also half apologising for seemingly just existing most days. ‘I just feel bad for… making you be here.’

Viktor sighed, rubbing his hand against his belly. ‘It takes two people to make a baby. I let you cum inside of me, now we’re here. Both of our faults.’

He knew being so crass would get Jayce to freak out enough internally that he’d stop this weird string of pity. It was helpful, when knowing someone for fifteen years gave you the secret codes to send them into quiet meltdown when necessary.

‘We’ll make the email to send to the rest of the company at the end of the day, alright?’ Viktor said, getting himself up out of his seat, ready to run back to the lab. Jayce stuttered something, but didn’t stop him. He managed to get back to the lab, and close the door. He shook himself off, exhausted.

It bought him about four hours of silence, and escape from all of it. He could sink back into means testing and putting things together, as everyone began to leave to go home. Eventually, Jayce would come in, to call him home. They got dinner at their usual diner, who knew them well enough now, and also knew about Viktor’s weird cravings and did not blink. While they were there, Jayce put his iPad down on the table. ‘We need to come up with this email, just to the company. It’ll be for the people we see every day in the office, not any of the people at the factories or anything.’

Viktor sank back into his seat.

‘I know,’ Jayce said. ‘But you know how – confusing it’s going to be, when you start properly showing, not just showing to people who already know? Or how betrayed people are going to feel, that we didn’t trust people enough to tell them. It’s the better move, trust me.’

Viktor hated that he was right.

They managed to pull together a few lines before their dinner orders arrived. A strange thing which did not really belong in a company email.

A Personal Announcement

To all Hextech staff,

This is not the average company email we expected to be sending. It’s strange for us, too. Viktor and I started this company with the wish to be honest and transparent with our workers at all times, so we want to be keep you all in the loop with what is happening.

We have decided to start a family together, and Viktor is currently pregnant; he is due in September. We haven’t been hiding anything from you – we remain close friends, and we made the decision as friends.

We’re asking you to keep this private: no conversations about this outside of work, no discussing it with the press. We’re wanting our child to grow up away from the media, and I hope you will support us in that.

Thank you for all your hard work, and we look forward to this new chapter together.

Jayce Talis & Dr Viktor Svetlitskiy

Once they were happy with it, Jayce tagged the email with the recipients being the whole office, and then turned off his phone and iPad. Viktor logged out of his work email on his phone, before any responses could come through. They ate slowly, wanting this moment to last. At the end of it, they sat there, both consumed with the anxiety of having to turn their phones back on, and face this new change. Across the table, Jayce was picking at his lip, his eyes set miles away. ‘Hey. Hey.’ Viktor waved his hand in front of his face. Jayce blinked, suddenly back in the room. ‘They usually do their captioned movies on Thursdays. Wanna go see what they’ve got on?’ He tried to make it sound casual – Viktor rarely recommended action like this, it was normally Jayce who did. But he could see Jayce didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment and face those stares tomorrow. Jayce blinked some more, before that beautiful smile came across his face, his shoulders coming down. ‘Sure.’

The film that was captioned for that night was a horror film. Jayce wavered on that. ‘We can go see one of the non-captioned shows,’ Viktor suggested. There was the usual amount of action movies or superhero showings that Jayce would probably prefer.

‘No, I can’t be bothered to do more listening today.’ He went forward to choose their seats. ‘You know, when Salo asked that question, I really just thought I’d just completely misinterpreted the bits I could hear. If you weren’t there I’d probably just have kept having to ask him what he said. Such a weird question.’

Viktor got a big cookie dough milkshake to go in with, and Jayce got popcorn and they went in to their movie quickly, the first to arrive. They liked to do that, going in early, leaving almost as soon as the credits rolled, it helped to prevent people from recognising Jayce. The cinema had these sofa like seats for seats next to each other, and Viktor immediately went about raising his side to recline with his feet up. Jayce crossed his legs, and in the dark, Viktor did risk taking a look at how good his thighs looked in the slacks he wore to work. He wore them not quite obscenely tight – just whenever he would need to squat or bend down, it gave you a perfect view of every muscle in his thighs and a perfect view at his ass. Now, Viktor looked at Jayce’s whole figure, the way he looked in a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, still tucked in to his slacks. He followed his legs down to his shoes, and to where his pants lifted slightly from the crossed legs, to – ‘Are you wearing Pokémon socks?’

Jayce looked down. ‘Oh, yeah.’ He pulled up his pant leg. ‘They’re Raichu. I love Raichu.’

Viktor clicked his tongue. ‘Of course you do.’

‘Why? What should I be wearing?’ Viktor opened his mouth to suggest, but Jayce interrupted. ‘Can I guess for you? Would it be Espeon? Or Gastly?’ Viktor shut his mouth tightly. ‘Did I guess right?’

‘You didn’t – you’re not incorrect.’

Jayce just laughed.

Viktor blushed, grateful for the lack of light, to cover it. Alone in the cinema, together on this couch, he could almost convince himself it was a date.

People began to shuffle in as the trailers started playing, and they watched easily. As the film started, Jayce stretched his arm out across the top of the couch, it would be easy for Viktor to slide into the side of him.

The film itself was fairly average for horror films, as far as Viktor was concerned. For Jayce, it seemed like the worst two hours of his life. He flinched at the major jump scares, and the sudden gore, he covered his eyes. Viktor found himself snickering at his misfortune. At the end of the movie, they didn’t leave immediately, he gave Jayce some time to breathe. He took Jayce’s cue when he stood up, and they wandered back to his car. Even there, they sat for a little while, Jayce’s hand on the wheel.

‘Did you like the movie?’ Viktor asked, trying to hide his smirk.

‘I liked the story,’ Jayce answered tightly. ‘I liked it less watching someone’s face split open for a monster to emerge.’ He dragged a hand over his face. ‘Why do you like this stuff?’

Viktor thought on it. ‘I like the stretch of the imagination. And the physicality of it. I like body horror… as a metaphor for disability. The externalisation of what it feels like inside.’ He knew it would appeal to Jayce – he can’t resist over-intellectualising things. It was a key pillar of their friendship.

Sure enough, he nodded, placated by that. ‘I hadn’t thought of it that way.’

Viktor had such a nice time with Jayce, he forgot about turning his emails on until it got to the next morning, when Jayce picked him up. There was a burst through of lots of late emails, he didn’t read them all. Lots of congratulations. Basically the same email, just over and over and over again. They went to work early, because both of them hated the idea of having to walk through with everyone awkwardly smiling at them.

Viktor had expected to be able to walk into a free lab to have some time to focus, but instead –

‘Hey, Doctor V!’

‘Hello, Jinx,’ Viktor replied, trying not to sound disappointed. ‘Where is everybody else?’

She looked around, as if people had just been there. ‘I guess everyone else has that thing they call a Work-Life balance.’ He smirked, sitting down at his stool, rubbing his stomach and his back. At least there was no point having to hide that.

‘You’re about four months, right?’ she asked.

He paused. They hadn’t put that on the email. He turned to look at her, she was peering back at him. ‘I come from a very long line of unplanned pregnancies. I know the face of somebody who has been knocked up unexpectedly. Which, by the way, what? You’re like forty. How do you forget how babies get made?’

He winced. ‘I am thirty-five. And I didn’t forget, I just… I’ve never had a pregnancy scare, ever. When something has never happened in twenty years, perhaps you… forget the possibility. I have been on hormones for a long time, I had assumed all of those organs were just…’ He couldn’t figure the polite word in English. ‘… Fucked.’

She laughed at that. ‘Well. It worked out good for you, didn’t it?’ She shook her head, still smiling to herself. ‘You’ve been waiting for a few months, what? Deciding whether you were going to keep it?’

Viktor had long stopped being surprised by her. Jinx did better with complete and blunt honesty. Really, it was refreshing to be around, after years of dealing with Americans dancing around the issue.

‘Firstly figuring out whether it was going to survive, and then deciding what the hell we were going to do.’

‘What do you mean? You have money, not like you can’t afford baby formula or the appointments.’

‘About whether… Jayce wanted to be associated with it or not.’

‘Ooh. Whether he was going to actually take the hit that he’s the baby-daddy. I see.’ She cocked her head. ‘Was he seriously considering just letting you hang for it?’

‘No, I… I had assumed he wouldn’t want to be. And then… how would we split custody.’ He had no idea why he was telling her this. He shut his mouth.

She nodded. ‘My daughter’s father has nothing to do with her. Never has. She thinks Ekko is her dad, because he’s always been there, first as like an uncle, and now… more of a dad. We’re waiting for her to figure it out.’

That does catch Viktor’s attention. He didn’t know Jinx had a child. ‘How old is your daughter?’ he asked.

‘She’s eight. I was seventeen when I had her, if you’re trying to do the math in your head.’ She smiled at him. ‘She also comes from a very long line of unplanned teenage pregnancies.’

‘Dare I ask how your delivery was?’ he asked.

She grinned at him. ‘Unplanned emergency caesarean section. Wanna see the scar?’

Viktor averted his eyes. ‘No, please – I – I’m hoping to deliver naturally.’

‘Well, sure. It’s always nice when they come out the way they got in. But still, always expect the unexpected.’ She turned away, her plaits nearly hitting Viktor in the face. ‘I won’t tell you the real story. When I was pregnant, all I ever got was people coming up to me, desperate to tell me how traumatic their birth was. You might want to think about how to manage that. A visibly pregnant person is like catnip to some people with birth trauma.’

‘Thank you for the warning,’ he said quietly. He was already exhausted, and he hadn’t done any actual work.

‘Oh, and another thing,’ she called from her work station.

‘Yes?’ He turned to her.

Her eyes were fixed to her notebook. ‘My dad – I mean, like, my adoptive dad, not my bio dad, obviously – he gave birth to both of my brothers. I didn’t mention anything to him, ‘cuz you said not to. But if you… if you don’t know any other men who have given birth. I can give him a call. I’m sure he’d be fine with giving you some tips.’

It stopped him in his tracks. In everything, Viktor had been searching quietly to see if there was anyone like him. He knew there must be, but all he found were online groups of men. Piltover was a big city, but maybe the other men were also being private about it.

He liked the idea of meeting an older man, who had done it before. Someone who had gone through it, and survived.

‘Thank you Jinx, I will consider it.’

Chapter Text

It all happened so fast.

One moment he’s kissing him, the man he’s been in love with for nearly fifteen years, and then his tongue is inside of Viktor’s mouth, and he can taste the champagne in his mouth, and Viktor is rubbing his jaw in this soothing way. Jayce has his hands on his hips because if he moves, he cannot guarantee what he’s going to do next.

Viktor pulls away, to catch his breath, both of them panting into each other’s mouths. He rests his forehead against Jayce’s, and nuzzles his nose against his. Jayce takes his hands off Viktor’s hips, pulls his jacket off, throwing it on the floor, and then picks Viktor up by his thighs, and drops him onto the desk. Viktor makes a small noise which is quickly swallowed by Jayce’s kisses.

They found a house they both liked. The posting for it had everything they needed: everything on one level, a garage that could be easily converted to a workshop, three bedrooms, office space and a nice open plan kitchen and dining area.

Viktor attended their viewing in his wheelchair – ‘So I can see how the doorways are,’ he explained, which sounded practical, but Jayce wondered whether it had something to do with pain. He knew at some point, the front weight was going to start really hurting his spine and his hips, more than it already did.

The house was nice. It had enough land around it that it was quiet. Enough driveway space for their cars, when the garage was their workshop.

‘The doorways are a little narrow,’ Viktor confessed, when they tried the first bedroom.

‘Well, we can have them widened. It’s no big deal,’ Jayce told him. He looked around the kitchen. ‘We’d need to install some alarms for me, before we could move in. I wonder if I can just have my alarms from my apartment installed.’

‘Which alarms do you need?’

‘The doorbell and the fire alarms. My morning alarm just plugs in, so that’s no bother.’

Viktor tilted his head. ‘How long did we live together – after graduate school?’

Jayce shrugged, going back in his mind. ‘Three or four years, I think.’

‘So why did we never get Deaf alarms installed then?’ There was a pointedness to his voice.

Jayce tried not to shift under the uncomfortable focus. ‘It’s just… super expensive, and a hassle, and I just figured… like, I’d keep my hearing aids in in the living room, so I could hear if people were knocking, and if there was a fire… you’d probably let me know, right?’

Viktor’s jaw dropped for a moment. ‘Your safety plan for getting out of an apartment fire – for four years of your life – was that your disabled fucking roommate, who cannot walk unassisted, was going to help you?’

When he said it like that, yes, it sounded dumb. ‘But you would, wouldn’t you? Like, you’d definitely wake me up.’

Viktor did not engage, just made a face, and turned away. And then he stopped, and turned back. ‘You never even told me that was my job? You never told me that was your expectation?’

‘Because I knew you’d do it anyway.’

Viktor rolled his eyes.

They bought the house.

For the first few weeks of ownership the house was busy with work. They had contractors to widen all the doorways, and they also asked for the power sockets to be raised, making them easier for Viktor to reach (and, as a bonus, a little further away from baby hands). In the kitchen, they made sure the taller cabinets would have a pull down option, so Viktor could still get things out. The bathroom was going to be transformed, with a larger shower that had a built in shower seat, and a floor level bath that Viktor could pull himself in and out of.

One of Jayce’s requests was for dimmer switches.

‘Just for preference? I know you find overhead light too harsh,’ Viktor had asked. Jayce had been a little bewildered that Viktor remembered that fact.

‘It’s one of the easier ways to get my attention, if I’m not hearing you. You can flick the dimmer switch up and down. Saves you having to come up to me and touching me.’

‘Ah. Understood.’

Grab bars were also installed throughout the house, but a nice, smooth, wooden type that looked better than the plastic ones Viktor had had installed in his apartment.

They would go to check in once every few days. The house was totally empty, now, the previous owner having come and taken all of their things out. The whole place was echoey, with sheets of plastic down to protect the hardwood floors from the plaster as the doorways were altered.

It still felt giddy for Jayce to pull up at his new house – his family’s house, he kept playing in his head. The house was beautiful, with a lot of green space, and windows for natural light. Jayce’s artistic instincts were itching to do some sketches there.

‘Hi there!’  They startled, turning around.

There was a man standing there, older, his mid-60s.

‘Hi,’ Jayce replied, knowing Viktor didn’t like to talk to strangers.

‘We saw that there was work being done here… figured someone had bought the place.’

‘That’s us,’ Jayce put his hand forward. He was used to this, it almost came automatically. ‘I’m Jayce, this is my partner Viktor.’

‘It’s nice to meet you,’ Viktor supplied quietly, putting his hand out.

‘Oh,’ the man said quietly, clearly not having expected it. But then he smiled. ‘It’s nice to meet you, too.’

‘We’re just having some work done to the house, we’re not too sure when we’ll be moving in, yet, but as soon as possible.’

‘Well, let us know when you’re moving in, and we’ll introduce you to the rest of the neighbourhood.’

As he turned away, Viktor smacked Jayce’s arm. ‘You know, you have to stop introducing us as partners, people get the wrong idea. They do not know you mean business partners.’

Jayce was aware of it. ‘I don’t know. I think we are partners on a few more things than business partners. We’re partners in our home life now.’ He would relent, if Viktor made him. But thankfully, he didn’t.

The front door was already bigger, so that wasn’t one that needed to be altered, they unlocked it, walking into the entry way. They crept around the house, peering at all of the new additions. It was all looking a bit rough at the minute, but still they were excited.

They moved on to the bedrooms. The first time they’d viewed the house, they both knew which room was going to be the nursery. It was across the hall from what would be Viktor’s room, at the very back of the house, overlooking the garden. It was the smaller bedroom, without a bathroom. It was this room, despite there being no real change being made to it, that they both made their way towards. They both stood in the doorway, looking in at the empty room.

‘We have to decide on the theme we want for the nursery,’ Jayce said at last.

Viktor hummed. ‘I want something cute, that can work for both a boy or a girl.’

‘We’re not going to have a beige nursery, are we?’

‘Of course not. I think babies should have a lot of colour around them.’

‘I like nature themes.’

‘I… I used to like ships, when I was younger. I liked making boats. I like ocean things..

‘That sounds nice. I like the idea of an ocean nursery. I imagine whale wallpaper. Maybe jellyfish mobiles. A nice rug, like the waves.’

‘I’d like that.’

Viktor leaned his head against Jayce’s shoulder, the two of them picturing their baby’s room. Jayce put his arm around him, squeezing him.

Jayce was working in his home office, when his phone vibrated. He struggled with making sure he had all of his work done. The due date, September, was creeping up on him. He couldn’t leave Mel in a bad spot, so he was taking work home, trying to push through it. His phone lay face down on his desk, and usually he would ignore it, but now he always had the immediate thought: What if something’s wrong with Viktor?

He turned it over.

VIKTOR: Can you come over?

Oh god, something had happened.

He slammed his hearing aids in so fast, already making his way to put some pants on before getting into his car. He started a video call with Viktor.

It rang for a little while, before Viktor picked up. He was lying on his couch, his propped up on a cushion.

‘Hey,’ Viktor called, readjusting himself..

‘Are you okay? What happened?’ Jayce was panicked, as he tried to wriggle into his sweats.

‘Oh, did I worry you?’

Jayce stopped, a wave of relief through his body. ‘V, you text with no context can you come over at 10pm. What was I meant to think?’ He sat down on his bed.

‘I’m sorry.’ Viktor was smiling.

‘What was it? What’s up?’

‘…It’s going to sound stupid now that I know I worried you.’

Jayce smiled. ‘Tell me anyway?’

He took a moment, shuffling on his couch. ‘I’ve been watching Alien,’ Viktor said.

‘And…?’

‘And during the bit with the chest bursting alien, I felt the baby kick, and it’s really freaked me out.’

Jayce laughed. He laughed loud.

‘I told you, it was stupid.’

‘No, no. It’s good. I’m glad our kid has great timing.’

‘It’s so fucking weird, Jayce. As soon as the chest-burster happens, and then there’s a moment of calm and then there’s a fucking kick from inside me.’

‘At least you know it’s a baby, and not an alien.’

‘But what if?’

Jayce lay down on his bed, getting himself comfortable. ‘Well. If they were an alien, do you think it comes from my side or your side?’

‘I sometimes think you’re an alien. Like, where do you come from as a buff man who is nearly six foot five are you kidding me? Who is also a genius? What’s happened?’

Jayce smiled. He loved goofing with Viktor. It reminded him of getting stoned in college, and just talking about anything and everything. ‘And you don’t think your weird little European accent that doesn’t sound like it comes from anywhere makes you seem like an alien? And we can go anywhere in the world now, and you still won’t take me to any of the countries or neighbourhoods you’ve grown up in.’

Viktor scrunched up his face. ‘What am I going to do, go show you all the international schools I got the shit kicked out of me at? I did not grow up in… high culture. I think I was technically not a citizen of most of the places I grew up in.’

There was a moment of comfortable silence. Jayce blinked, his eyes already feeling a little heavy. ‘Where was your favourite place to grow up?’

Viktor was also blinking slowly, cat-like. ‘Mm. I liked Amsterdam, but I was a teenager then, so maybe I just liked the freedom. But I liked living in Poland, we lived in a city called Kraków. It was nice, pretty.’

Jayce tried to imagine teenage Viktor, growing up in these cities across the world. He’d been to Europe a couple times on business, but it was always so draining that he never really did any of the fun things. ‘Maybe we can go visit with baby, some day?’

‘…Yeah, that might be good.’

Jayce shifted, unable to not imagine visiting Viktor’s city, their little baby in a pram, wrapped up warm.

‘Do you still need me to come over?’

Viktor smiled. ‘No, we’re good. I am convinced that we do indeed have a baby, not a xenomorph to worry about.’

‘First time baby’s kicked?’

‘That I felt. I was reading that it’s harder to spot with your first kid.’

Jayce took a moment to let himself imagine a future where he had more kids with Viktor, allowed that feeling for just a moment, and then buried it.

‘We’ve got our midway scan soon, don’t we?’ he asked. Viktor nodded, his eyes closing.

‘Are we going to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl?’

‘Yes. I want to know everything about our kid. We’re doing all of the scans, making sure… everything’s developing as it should. I even want those fucking awful 3D scans. I want to know everything.’ He blinked his eyes open. ‘Do you want to know if we’re having a boy or a girl?’

‘What? Are you saying you’ll just hide it from me if I want you to?’

‘Yes, of course. Your first baby, too.’

‘No, I want to do everything together. We’ll find out. It’s not like it’s the biggest deal, is it?’

Viktor winced suddenly. Jayce sat up. ‘You okay?’

‘Mm. Kicking again.’

‘What’s it feel like?’

‘Like a cramp. Or a twitching. It’s odd.’

‘I wish I could feel it,’ Jayce admitted.

‘Mm. Now that they’re doing it, you’ll be able to feel it in no time. We’re halfway through, now.’ Viktor was closing his eyes again.

Jayce watched him for a moment. ‘Hey, V, you’re going to fall asleep on your couch again. Bad for your back.’

Viktor groaned. ‘Everything is bad for my back. You know I lie on my back, and its like they’re trying to kick my spine in two.’

‘Go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.’

It was a couple weeks before the house was done, and they were ready to move in. That then began the worst parts of it all, which was packing up their apartments. Both of them were hoarders of stuff. Jayce liked to make things, and he was a nerd. He had a million little figures, Warhammer and Gundam, Nintendo things that he had to package in bubble wrap. ‘Were you an anime nerd in high school?’ Viktor asked, sat on a chair, carefully boxing up all of Jayce’s papers and books.

‘You know I was. And you probably were too. Like recognises like.’

Viktor smiled. ‘I like how you categorise your books. No system. Percy Jackson next to Ursula K. Le Guin next to some smutty gay romance.’ He pulled out the book, it was inconspicuous from the outside, just looking like some 1930s mystery.

Jayce blushed. ‘How do you know what it is?’

Viktor smiled, holding the book. ‘I own it, too.’

Jayce moved his things in first, with the help of friends. Viktor was there, too, but he wasn’t moving anything, mostly just there for moral support. They had bookcases installed on a wall in their living room, and he was putting them away. At first, Jayce thought he was just putting them anywhere, but as he went past him, having just carried his dresser in to his bedroom with Caitlyn, that he was actually honouring Jayce’s weird categorising system. Percy Jackson next to Ursula K Le Guin, next to smutty gay romance. His heart fluttered.

For the first ten minutes after Viktor had arrived at the house, Vi and Caitlyn had been caught up with how much Viktor’s bump had changed. It was then that Jayce realised they’d not exactly been going out drinking recently, so they hadn’t seen him since he’d gotten pregnant. Vi and Cait had actually both been at the party where the baby was conceived, now Jayce thought about it.

Viktor allowed the attention, showing off his bump which probably just seemed big, considering how tiny he was. Jayce couldn’t imagine what full-term would look like on him. Viktor was doing his best to try and hide things by wearing increasingly baggier clothing (which now Jayce looked closer, he was fairly certain Viktor was actually wearing one of his shirts). It seemed to be working for the time being, their PR team had precious nothing to report about the story being broken so far.

Their friends made quick work of pushing and pulling all of his furniture into the house. His bed had been taken apart, and he had no desire to construct it before bed, so his mattress was just plopped down in the living room. ‘You know, you’re just going to end up dumping half of your stuff anyway,’ Mel had told him, after they’d placed the couch; what had seemed a really overpowering piece in Jayce’s penthouse seemed tiny in their living room. ‘You don’t need two of everything, except for your bedrooms. And neither of you have anything matching. Your house is just going to be a mismatch of everything.’

‘Do Viktor and I seem like people who are going to care about that?’ he huffed, tired from hauling everything around.

‘Well, you should take some pride in your house, especially if this is going to be your family home,’ she said, sat next to him. ‘How is everything going?’

‘Oh, you know. Twenty weeks ago I was just a single man living in my own apartment, and now I’m moving into a house with my best friend because I got him pregnant, and in another twenty weeks, I’m going to have a baby that is mine to look after for the rest of my life.’ She didn’t say anything, just waited for him to explain further. ‘It’s… good, but it’s a lot. It’s a lot of change.’

‘Change can be good, when you’ve been static for so long.’

He turned to her, wanting to ask what she meant by that, but was disrupted by Vi hauling a box in just before the bottom of it ripped and sent a bunch of his books tumbling to the floor.

They ordered Chinese food, most of them spread out on Jayce’s mattress, Jayce and Viktor taking the couch. It was nice to have this moment with his friends, hanging out with them. His work had taken so much from him, he hadn’t realised how long it had been since he’d had time like this. It had slowly slipped from him.

Viktor was the last person to leave. After the girls had gone, they spent a little bit of time clearing the kitchen boxes, putting things away.

‘Why do you have so many kitchen gadgets?’ Viktor asked, opening another box.

Jayce shrugged. ‘I like cooking. It’s not that much, really.’

‘We’ve already filled like three cupboards with your machines.’

‘Oh yeah? Well, what were you going to use those cupboards for?’

‘Mm. Bottle sterilizers. Baby formula, things like that.’

‘Well, I think we’ll be able to fit all that in there. If not, then I guess I’ll get rid of some stuff, for our kid.’ He watched Viktor smile, as he flattened another box.

Jayce was organising his baking tins, when he saw Viktor move, out of the corner of his eye.

‘Jayce. They’re kicking again.’

He turned going over to him, standing there for a moment, because he didn’t know what to do, where he could touch him. Viktor took his hand, pressing it against the side of his belly.

For a moment, Jayce felt nothing, before feeling a little flutter under his hand. ‘No way…’ They stood there for a while, Jayce’s hand against him, feeling the little thing moving. ‘They’ve got strong legs, huh?’

‘They get that from you.’

They stayed like that until the feeling stopped. ‘I guess that’s a sign I should probably get going now. We can pick this up again later.’

Jayce saw him out, his hand on his back. It was late, and the rest of the neighbourhood seemed to be asleep. ‘Text me when you get back.’

‘Sure. Goodnight.’

He went back to unpacking some stuff until he got the message that Viktor was home safe, and only then did he get done on his mattress on the floor to go to sleep. In the darkness and the silence, his mind wandered. He could feel the little movement under his fingers still. He could feel that pride inside his chest, being in this house, preparing it for his family. How nice it felt to be with people.

He wondered about what Mel said about being static, how he hadn’t even noticed it.

He hoped that running forward was the right thing for him.

Chapter Text

They redressed in silence. Picking up clothing that had been thrown at the height of passion, now gingerly picked up. Viktor hesitated with his underwear, he could still feel the slick between his legs that both of them had caused.

‘Here.’ He looked up, and Jayce had a handkerchief held out to him. Viktor didn’t recognise it until he took it, before realising it was Jayce’s pocket square, from his suit.

‘I – I can’t clean myself up with this.’

‘It’s fine, V. My mess, give it back to me and I’ll clean it up.’

Despite the obvious rejection he’d just suffered, the use of the nickname did make him blush. Jayce turned his back, putting his pants back on, so Viktor went quickly to wipe himself, feeling Jayce’s release leak out of him. He folded the fabric over, leaving it on the side, and then pulled his underwear up.

 ‘Do you think it’s going to be a boy or a girl?’ Jayce asked. They were a little early to their scan appointment, and they knew there would still be patients at the clinic, so they were currently parked down the road, waiting.

‘I don’t know. I have no feelings either way,’ Viktor replied. He was currently trying to chug an entire litre of ice water, having been told that the more hydrated he was, the better the scan was.

‘I think it’s going to be a girl,’ Jayce said, like Viktor hadn’t said anything.

He sighed. He was sick of the water. He wanted to go back to drinking Pepsi, but Jayce had handed him the water instead, saying it was better.

The icy coldness of it upset the baby, they were kicking at his bladder, almost like adding insult to injury.

‘I just want them healthy and happy.’ They’d taken blood the last time they were there, to do some genetic tests.

‘They will be,’ Jayce told him.

Viktor just shook his head, going back to drinking his water.

Jayce didn’t understand, and Viktor knew that. Jayce hadn’t been born with multiple complex disabilities which had shocked his parents, leading to lots of surgeries and hospital stays as a child. The day Viktor was born, he was pulled out of his mom, and rushed almost immediately into surgery, to deal with a hole in his heart, and the lump on his back where his spinal fluid and nerves had gotten messed up.

His birth hadn’t been a happy day. His mom had gone through a lot of pain, and then was dumped with a child who needed special care everywhere he went. A child who needed physiotherapy, braces, and walking aids from day one.

He’d started to have dreams about giving birth. The pain of the cramps were oddly realistic – they must have been taken from memories of period cramps. In the dream, he pushed and pushed and then when he gave birth, his baby was wrapped in towels and rushed out of the room. He remembered screaming: ‘What happened to my baby? What are you doing with my baby?’ And then he would wake up, his throat raw and painful.

He hadn’t been sleeping much.

Jayce tapped his watch, looking at the screen. ‘I think we’ll do another circle. The clinic should be empty by now.’

‘Okay. Let’s go.’

It was always the same team who saw them. They knew now that Viktor needed the suite with the bed that went up and down. The more pregnant he became, the harder it was for him to manoeuvre. He was having to accept help from more people. The other day Sky helped him getting something off the top shelf, and she gave him this patronising little smile that made him want to immediately fire her, despite the fact she was one of his best workers. He just hated help.

He popped his jeans open, pulling them down so they could squeeze that cold gel on his stomach.

‘So, do we want to find out the sex of the baby today?’ the technician asked.

‘Yes, we’re wanting to know absolutely everything you might have to offer.’

‘I know you’ve had some blood tests, your consultant is going to go through everything with you, but I can tell you now, it’s all negative. Your baby has not tested positive for any of the genetic conditions we test for.’

Viktor allowed himself one moment of almost painful relief. No genetic conditions. All clear.

‘Alright, anyone want to take guesses before I tell you?’

‘I think we’re having a girl,’ Jayce told her. ‘Viktor doesn’t have any opinion.’

Now partly relieved, he felt like humouring him. ‘I will take boy, since someone must be right.’ He heard Jayce chuckle, and he would have to be made of stone to not smile at the sound.

The technician smiled, too. ‘Well, let me just scoot around, get a different view…’

Viktor did find himself wondering how weird it was, that they were all hoping to catch a view of their unborn baby’s genitals. Still, he found himself staring at the screen.

‘You’re having a boy, congratulations.’

‘A son…’ He turned to look at Jayce, whose eyes are staring up at the screen. His eyes were wet. He turned to look at Viktor, smiling. ‘We’re having a little boy, V.’ His voice broke a little.

Viktor imagined him suddenly, in his mind. A little boy with dark hair, a big bouncing baby boy who looked like little Jayce. His son. Their son.

He grabbed Jayce’s hand, and squeezed it.

He turned to face the scan again. ‘Are you about to check all of the measurements, I um – I have spina bifida, I’m aware that it, um, it increases his chance of having it, too.’

‘I’m having a look at him now. And I know you’re a little anxious about it, so I’m asking my supervisor to double check as well, so you can have that piece of mind.’

‘Thank you,’ Viktor whispered.

She was thorough, and focused, when she went around, moving the scan. ‘Let me just, it’ll get under your ribs, it’s a bit uncomfortable, but I’ll be quick.’

‘Just do it.’

Jayce kept hold of his hand, rubbing his arm as they stared at the screen. Viktor stared like he could see anything.

‘So, I’m just going to get my supervisor, okay?’

They were alone in the room. Viktor let his breath out, leaning back. Jayce continued to rub his arm. ‘I really thought we were going to have a girl, I just had a feeling.’

‘Well. Check back in twenty years. We still might have one.’

Jayce laughed. ‘Very true. We’ll love them no matter what.’ He sighed, and Viktor could see him wiping tears. ‘We’re going to have to think of some names, aren’t we?’

Viktor squeezed his hand, unable to say anything. Mentally, he was wondering what that supervisor was going to say. She came in politely, sat herself down, and the two of them stayed there, as she moved the scan.

Viktor held his breath.

‘From what I can see on the scan, you have a perfectly healthy baby boy. He’s large for the gestational age. Are you sure of conception?’

Viktor smirked. ‘Very sure.’

‘Well. Some people just have big babies. But yes, he is completely perfect. Congratulations.’

Jayce helped him clean his belly off, before they went to see their OB-GYN, but Viktor still felt numb. She was talking, and he couldn’t listen. ‘Is there a possibility of doing further testing?’

She was caught off-guard. She looked at him. ‘Do you still have concerns?’

Viktor swallowed, avoiding looking at Jayce, despite seeing him leaning in.

‘I just want… I want to be sure that there’s nothing wrong with him, that he’s developing as he should. I’ve read that you can do a test for the amniotic fluid?’

She frowned. ‘At the minute, I have no concerns for your baby. I have no concerns that either of you would have passed anything down. Neither of you have any family history of cystic fibrosis, or sickle cell disease.’

‘I have spina bifida, and I have a heart condition,’ Viktor said.

‘And your son’s spine is fine, and so is his heart. You hear his heart every two weeks, when you come in. And even if he has one, we won’t be able to pick it up until he’s born.’

Viktor closed his eyes. ‘I want to be sure… I want to be sure that he’s okay.’

‘I know, we all do, Viktor.’

But they didn’t. They didn’t get it, they didn’t understand the panic. He couldn’t think of the words to make them understand.

‘Can we… take a rain check, come back for another appointment when we’ve talked?’ Jayce asked, his voice careful.

‘Of course. Just call in when you next need to see me, okay? Congratulations.’

‘Thank you.’

Jayce put his hand to Viktor’s back, helping him out of the room. Viktor put his hand out, pushing him away.

They got back in the car in silence.

There were experiences Viktor had, going through the medical system as a young girl. Of explaining pain that was happening, and not being believed. At first he would cry, and they would tell him he was being dramatic. So then he would try to look it up, to explain what he thought was happening, and being told he was looking into things too much. He would write down what he wanted to say, but in the appointment, there was a look in their eyes when he knew nothing he said was going in. Nobody was listening, it didn’t matter to them. They would placate him with a few words, and send him home, and he was going to be left in pain.

It was all he could think of, of being that young child again, looking at him like he was stupid.

He opened his mouth, it felt sticky. ‘I need the tests, Jayce, I need to know.’

‘We’ll talk about this at home,’ Jayce told him.

Viktor felt that panic rise. ‘Jayce, I need –’

‘I need to be able to hear you properly, I need to read your lips, I am not putting it off,’ Jayce told him.

It made sense, even if it hurt.

At home, Jayce put the kettle on – a real kettle, not that microwaved shit Americans did. Viktor had emigrated to the US with a couple bags of stuff, gripping his beat up kettle that he still needed an adapter to plug in.

Viktor settled himself on the couch, rubbing his belly. He felt exhausted. He knew he was going to need to use his wheelchair soon, his back fucking hurt. Everything hurt.

Jayce put his tea down on the coffee table, but handed Viktor his directly.

Jayce looked at him. ‘Neither of us have a history of genetic conditions. Why do you need the tests?’

It was odd, sometimes, to speak to Jayce. When he was particularly trying to focus on what was being said, his eyes focused on his lips, not the rest of the face. It was distracting, trying to ignore the way he was staring at his lips – that usually only happened when someone wanted to kiss him. He looked away.

‘I have congenital disabilities, Jayce. I was born this way. I want to know everything about our child. I want to know whether anything is going wrong.’

‘Why?’

It was not the question or response, Viktor was expecting. He stopped short. ‘What?’

Jayce shrugged. ‘You can’t change anything, if he has some kind of disability. He’s going to be born how he’s going to be born regardless of what you know or don’t know. So what does it matter?’

‘Because I don’t want to give birth to him and – and to find out.’

‘Why does it make a difference to find out now, or four months later?’

‘You don’t understand,’ Viktor said, feeling his panic rising up in him.

‘So make me understand.’

The words came out, before he knew. ‘People aren’t going to blame you, if he is disabled. But they are going to blame me. They’re going to look at me because I – I made him that way. It’s my fault.’ He felt his eyes burn with tears and he pushed them down.

Jayce stared at him, open mouthed. Viktor clamped his jaw down, ensuring nothing came out.

Jayce’s voice was soft, and gentle. ‘Do you care what people think?’ Viktor opened his mouth, but Jayce kept talking. ‘Do you care if he has a disability?’

Viktor felt the fight go out of him. ‘I don’t want him to spend his life hurting. I don’t want him to be in pain because of me.’ Hot tears overflowed, falling down his face.

Jayce nodded. He looked down at his bracelet, twisting it.

‘Do you, um… do you know how my father died?’

Viktor was thrown by the question, by everything that was happening.

Please don’t let him say it was Huntington’s.

‘No, I don’t believe we’ve ever discussed it in any great detail.’

Jayce was quiet for a moment, and then he looked up. ‘My father killed himself.’

‘Oh.’

Jayce looked away. ‘He suffered a lot with his mental health. It was very hard for him to get help… there’s not a lot of people to talk to, when you’re Deaf, unless you want to try and receive treatment through a translator. He never got treatment, so he never got a diagnosis. But uh, we have a lot of similarities. Me and him.’

Viktor remembered the first time he became aware of Jayce’s problems. A knock on his door, late at night. He was still awake studying. When he went to his door, Jayce was there. He wouldn’t look at him. ‘I need you to drive me to the ER.’ Jayce didn’t look at him. It was the quietness of it, the way he didn’t smile at him. It was just wrong.

Viktor drove.

Jayce went to check himself in, but Viktor followed him. ‘It’s okay, you can leave now,’ he told him. His voice was robotic.

‘No, I think I should stay.’

Jayce was good at hiding it from everyone, and that was what frightened Viktor the most.

‘So I, um, when I got diagnosed, my mom felt guilty that I had the same problems he did. We talked a lot about the genetics, about all of it. We talked about what it would be like, if I ever became a parent.’ Viktor watched him. He had no idea that this had ever been something Jayce had had to think about. ‘And at first I just hated the idea of it, passing on more hurt. My mental health gives me so much pain, and the idea of making more people like that…’ He looked up at Viktor. ‘I get it, V. I don’t want him to hurt, either.’ He took a breath. ‘My mom found this essay, a few years back. It was from a woman with schizoaffective disorder, and how she felt about her family history, about her mom’s guilt of passing things on to her, and about her choice of having children. She spent some time as a counsellor, for kids with her disorder. And she realised that… having the same disorder as your kid means that your child grows up with an adult who knows exactly what it feels like. And you get to pass on all those coping mechanisms you’ve learned, you get to correct all those mistakes, those feelings of shame that happened in your childhood. They get to grow up with the security of knowing somebody who made it out alive.’

‘Oh.’ Viktor felt the baby shift inside of him, and he put his hand to his stomach.

‘It’s okay if our son is born with a heart condition. It’s okay if he has spina bifida. It’s okay if he is born with a physical disability. Because he’s going to have a dad who can show him how to live. And that’s not a curse, that’s a gift.’

Viktor felt tears fall. ‘I just want him to have a good life.’

Jayce came forward, getting down on his knees to pull Viktor into a hug. ‘I know. We’re going to give him that, V. I promise you.’

Viktor put his arms around Jayce’s shoulder, pulling him closer, tucking his face against his neck.

Chapter Text

Waiting for their separate Ubers was too humiliating for Jayce, so he pretended he needed to go to the bathroom. Jayce closed the door, and hit his head against the wood.

He let his world crumble a little. It was confusing, going from such an extreme high of being inside Viktor, to this.

It would have been less upsetting if the sex hadn’t been so fucking incredible. Everything that Jayce had thought it would be and more.

But it wasn’t like that for Viktor.

And now it would never happen again.

Jayce hadn’t been to any of his appointments for a while.

He’d been busy, to be fair. He was tired. What was the point of it? Nothing had ever changed, really. The number would keep going down.

But he went, today.

The hearing tests weren’t his favourite. For the first long while, he just sat there, aware the tones were probably playing, but he couldn’t hear anything. Then, when he did hear the tones, they were penetrating, and they echoed. He’d be hearing them for days afterwards – weird disembodied pitches.

The button was his favourite part. Every time he heard a tone, he clicked a button. It was like clicking the top of a great clicky pen, so satisfying. That was the sad thing – that he didn’t get to click the button more.

And then the test was over, he took the headphones off, and went back to his audiologist. She showed him the graph he was looking at, his hearing sliding down over the Severe line.

The first thing Jayce had done in life was fail. He failed his newborn hearing test. And the thought was still bitter to him. No matter what he did, the things he achieved, Jayce would always fail this.

Jayce put his hearing aids back on, listening to their obnoxious welcome dings.

They talked about it. Hearing decline was always likely with his ears, it could have been just part of aging. Jayce was somehow defeated by that.

‘I know you said in your email that you wanted to talk about some additional extension pieces for your hearing aids. I know that the person you emailed confirmed we had show models in store, but just to double check what was it you were wanting to look at?’

‘I, um…’ Jayce swallowed. ‘I need to look at baby monitors. Ones for sleeping, and ones for… yeah, just daily.’

Her eyes sparkled. ‘Oh! Congratulations! Of course we can do that, let me just go find them.’

She came back with the monitors. Two of them. One that shook the bed and flashed if the baby made noise above a certain level. It was pretty much the same to his set up with the fire alarm and his alarm clock. Well, he’d changed the alarm clock to his smart watch, because he got pissed off with the amount of wires that went from his bedside table to under his mattress. With the wrist shaking, it was one less thing to shake his bed, hoping he’d wake up. God, did he hate that.

The next monitor was for the day time.

‘It’s really quite clever. It shows you video from the baby monitor in the nursery, but it also has flashing lights that change colour depending on the intensity of the noises. You can also get it to shake, too.' She showed him, by making a noise into the receiver, and Jayce watched as the monitor lit up an orange flashing colour. He held it in his hands. This was going to follow him around, all of the time. All the time their son was down for a nap, or Jayce was out of the room, he was going to be attached to this screen, so terrified of missing something. He was worried about not waking up in time. He was worried of Viktor having to get up early, of Jayce being a deadbeat dad.

He realised, once they’d found out they were having a son, that he didn’t know much about what dads actually did with their sons. He didn’t have a lot of memories from when he was super young, and he wasn’t more than twelve when his father died. He didn’t really have memories of doing things together. But Viktor didn’t know, either. He didn’t get on with his dad after transitioning, and he said they weren’t even close before. So neither of them had any good idea of what dads and sons did together. it was embarrassing to consider that they might actually need to buy some books about it.

‘I’d like to buy both of the monitors,’ he told her. He’d figure out how to use them, even if he had to tinker with it to make it better.

When he got home, Viktor was out in the garden. It was warm weather, and he wanted to plant some things. He hated what he called ‘the bland American lawn’, and insisted on flower beds and bushes and trees. Jayce snuck his new purchases into his room, putting them in the back of the closet, hiding them away until he would need them.

‘Don’t say anything.’

Jayce turned around to see Viktor in his wheelchair, his eyes lowered to the floor. The seated position did make it harder to make out his pregnant belly, which was probably one advantage for him. But Jayce knew making the choice to use the wheelchair was tough for him, and that he must be in extreme pain to be there.

Jayce wanted to say something. Wanted to say how proud he was that Viktor was making a good choice for his health. But he knew Viktor, and he knew what he was being asked for. So instead he said: ‘Do you want to get the usual breakfast?’

‘I want pancakes.’

‘With maple syrup?’

‘That is a foregone conclusion, Jayce.’

He smiled, as he grabbed his work bag to haul over his shoulder.

At the car, Viktor got in, and Jayce quietly picked the chair up to take it apart. He knew how to do it, had been there when Viktor had been testing out models.

‘I can do it myself,’ Viktor said testily.

‘Yeah, but my car isn’t made for this, so it’s easier if I pack it up because what are you going to do? Just throw all the pieces into the back? This is easier.’ And it was easier, Jayce pulled the whole thing apart in less than a minute, before putting it in the back.

‘Do you know why your parents named you what they did?’

‘Sorry, what?’ Jayce had tuned out after they’d gotten their food, content to focus on driving.

Viktor turned to him, repeated the question. ‘I mean you are, to my knowledge, Mexican, and Lebanese. But Jayce is a Greek or Hebrew name.’

Jayce liked the addition of ‘to my knowledge’, as if they didn’t know these things about each other.

‘From my understanding, they were getting pissed off because of the lack of overlap between the two, and if they chose one culture over the other, their respective families got upset. So they just decided to choose neutral ground.’

‘Interesting. Certainly a way to do things.’

‘Something you’d be interested in doing? I’m not certain there’s a huge overlap in Russian, Mexican, and Lebanese.’

Viktor hummed. ‘I just don’t want those modern American names, like River, Sailor or Hunter. I do not wish to name him after a thing, or an occupation. Or a name that’s cute for a baby, but not for an older man in his 50s. Have you ever met an older man called Jayden?’

The disgust was so obvious in his face as he spoke, Jayce couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Okay, no things or occupations, and no Jaydens, Braydens, Cadens, ectara.’

‘No places, either, like Cairo, Paris, or Brooklyn.’

‘No places.’ Jayce had a feeling it was probably going to become a name hunt of exclusion, rather than inclusion.

Viktor was already in his office when Jayce came back from getting their lunch orders. Usually he stopped by his lab to ask what he wanted, then had to stop by again to tell him it was ready. But Viktor was already there, slouched in his wheelchair (as far as he could slouch, anyway), leaning on the desk as he played sudoku on his phone.

Jayce put his sandwich in front of him. ‘You’re not usually here.’

‘I’m hiding from people,’ Viktor told him, his voice sulky.

Jayce tried to hide his smile, as he looked at him. ‘Hiding from our employees?’

Viktor just wrinkled his nose. ‘Do you know how many people have been talking to me? I can barely get any work done. Every time I have to go to the bathroom – which is often, because your son’s favourite thing to do is to kick me in the bladder –’ Jayce smiled. He loved how Viktor had started to refer to their baby as your son whenever he was irritated. ‘– and I keep getting stopped by people just telling me how happy they are for us. Asking how the baby is, how I’m feeling. And I have to interact with them, I can’t just tell them that I need to piss desperately. Are people doing that for you?’

‘No, no, I get occasional comments, but I think, I mean, most people can identify with your experience.’

‘I fucking hate it.’ Viktor sighed. ‘No, I don’t, that was mean.’ He added it softly. ‘I’m used to being… the boss people don’t talk to. The one people just ignore, because I’m busy. And I liked it like that. But I guess… people want to talk to other parents. I’m supposed to be getting used to this.’

‘Everyone gets excited about babies, V. Pregnant people are catnip to people who already have children.’

Viktor groaned, rubbing his hand against his stomach.

Jayce took a bite of his own sandwich, eating slowly. ‘Are you going to teach him Russian?’ he asked.

Viktor hummed, finishing his chewing. ‘What would be the point?’

‘To talk to your side of the family?’

‘Eh. I doubt I would be able to practice with him enough for him to make much sense. Would it not make it better for him to speak Spanish? Ximena is going to be closer in his life than my parents.’

Jayce shuffled in his seat. ‘I don’t know… I don’t really speak Spanish, so, who would be teaching it?’

Viktor looked up. ‘You don’t speak Spanish?’

Jayce felt his face flush. A memory of his cousins talking in rapid-fire Spanish, and not able to catch it. His Abuela would try her best, but Jayce could never get the pronunciation right. ‘I, uh, I can read it, and write it. But it took a lot of speech therapy to speak English. I know there’s sounds in Spanish I just… can’t get. Not enough to be able to teach anyone. It’s better for everyone if I… don’t.’

Viktor shifted. ‘Oh, of course. I apologise.’

Jayce picked up his sandwich. ‘It’s nothing.’

Viktor picked at his crust. ‘Do you think about teaching him ASL?’

‘I don’t… I don’t know sign language well enough,’ Jayce admitted. ‘My pre-school and kindergarten, I went to a Deaf school, and I used sign, but when my dad realised I wasn’t completely deaf… he pulled me into mainstream, and very intense speech therapy. He was… convinced I was going to have a better life than him. He didn’t see ASL in that.’

Viktor frowned, but he didn’t say anything, and for that, Jayce was thankful.

‘My father was very troubled. He had a lot of feelings of inferiority, I think.’ It was painful, to think about him.

Jayce went back to his sandwich, and they ate in silence for a bit.

‘I think we could learn it, as a family. It would be nice, I think. I read that children can learn to speak using sign faster than they can speak orally.’ Viktor said.

Jayce didn’t say anything back, just felt his heart skip a little.

The invitation came through with the morning post. A thick piece of card, calligraphy. It even smelled perfumed.

Jayce shuffled back to the living room. ‘We got a party invite,’ he called to Viktor. He was stretching out, doing a modified version of the physical therapy, as much as he could. His eyes were shut, still tired, trying to wake up. He said that their son had been busy in the night.

‘What party?’ Viktor sighed.

‘It’s Cassandra Kiramman’s birthday celebrations. She is turning fifty.’

Viktor groaned, collapsing back on the couch.

‘It’s okay, you can probably bow out. I know you hate these things.’

‘I can’t,’ Viktor sighed. ‘Because she’s our first major investor, and she hung in with Hextech when a lot of people wouldn’t have. I will skive for many reasons, but I must respect the woman who funded everything, as overwhelming and awful as her parties are.’

‘At the very least, everyone who runs in Kiramman’s circles knows about privacy and discretion,’ Jayce said, sitting on the side of the sofa.

‘Eh, I’ll probably just put a bag on my lap and no one will notice, like when actors are trying to cover up pregnancies on TV.’

Jayce thought he was joking.

But Viktor does bring a bag along, and sets it on his lap, something that he then rests his hands on, discreetly resting his arms against his bump. The rest of his outfit included a billowing silk shirt in a dark blue colour. It matched the earrings he has, a dangling set with blue stones that Jayce bought him for one of their many professional achievements.

(The woman at the store had asked if he was buying for his wife. It had been very awkward to try and explain they were for a male business partner.)

Jayce immediately got pulled aside, as Viktor went in search of non-alcoholic options, and he lost sight of him. They were used to this routine, Viktor always pushed himself into the background, and Jayce stood out. People always wanted to talk to Jayce. They didn’t notice Viktor. It always seemed absurd, to Jayce. Viktor was one of the most fascinating people he’d ever met. He didn’t know why people didn’t see that.

Eventually, having done the rounds, confirming there were no major launches coming for Hextech, but yes he would let them know when Hextech was ready to share, he found his way to Caitlyn’s corner of the room. Only then did he let his shoulders fold inwards, and let his face rest in neutral. ‘Hey, big guy,’ Caitlyn put an arm out over his shoulders. ‘How is life going in your big new house?’

‘It’s nice, actually.’

Cailtyn’s girlfriend Vi came up with a drinks tray, with their preferred whisky drinks. ‘I like living with someone again, just having conversation with people watching TV, and cooking for two.’

‘Cooking for three, surely?’

‘Viktor pregnant eats about as much as I do, embarrassingly.’

‘When are you having your baby shower? I love parties.’ Vi took a sip of her drink.

Jayce sighed. ‘We’re… behind on that. We need to buy stuff for his room, and everything.’

Caitlyn smiled. ‘His room? So you’re having a boy?’

Jayce nodded, unable to stop himself smiling back. ‘Yeah, we’re having a baby boy. We’re not doing a gender reveal because that’s stupid. And we didn’t want to make people buy expensive pieces, so, we’re not super sure about the baby shower.’

‘Oh whatever, I just want adorable little blue cupcakes and to snoop around your house,’ Vi said. ‘Where is your co-parent now, anyway?’

‘Oh he’s… he’s somewhere.’ Jayce did a cursory look around. It was rare for Viktor to be away from him for so long at one of these parties. Not that Jayce didn’t get that Viktor would need his own space occasionally, but it was just unusual.

‘He’s probably being delayed by people who need to tell him their birth trauma,’ Vi said. ‘That happened with Powder. Well, with her, it was mostly done to punish her for being a teen mom. Then our step-dad would swoop in with how he’d delivered twins by himself, so she was going to have an absolutely fine time giving birth.’

Jayce knew a little about Vi’s family, but not much; so he logged that information about her step-dad, something to tell Viktor later. Vi smiled. ‘Powder told me that you sent a company email, to ask people to stop talking to him about the pregnancy, and to come to you instead.’

Jayce grimaced. ‘He’d started making up baby names to get him out of the conversation sooner. I’ve had people congratulate me on Alexei, Lev, Constantin, Mikhail… I’m still happy to talk about it, but I know people expect that the dads be less informed than I am.’ Jayce was still searching the crowd, trying to pick him out.

There he was, a person in a wheelchair at the edge of the hall, next to someone sat on a couch.

He squinted. There was something about the posture of the person, somehow able to take up all of a two seater couch. The ponytail that always made him want to barf.

Dimitri.

Jayce knew he had Borderline Personality Disorder. He had, after several years, accepted that yes, it was probably true, the doctors weren’t all liars.. He’d also done a lot of work on his symptoms, learning to manage the impulses which told him to smash everything in front of him because he didn’t deserve anything good in his life.

Jayce did not think his feelings for Dimitri had anything to do with his BPD. Despite what Caitlyn, and Vi, and his mother, and his psychologist all said.

Dimitri had just been a classmate. A rival to Jayce, sure, if a rival was someone else who did well in class. But Jayce mostly ignored him – he was boring, had no real hobbies, other than being smart in class.

And then he’d seen him one day, Jayce taking apart his latest failed experiment. And there had been this look on his face, some kind of curiosity maybe? Jayce just muttered something about it being a bad day, and continued to take it apart. And then, Dimitri had the audacity to tell him: ‘If you blame everything on the day, you’re never going to know where you went wrong, and you’re denying yourself a learning opportunity,’

(When he had told Caitlyn about this, she had stared at him blankly and said: ‘That’s it? That’s really all he said?’)

Jayce couldn’t fully articulate the rage that flooded through him in that moment – the anger that Dimitri had produced. Jayce’s first instinct was to just shove him, but he knew that wasn’t going anywhere good. So instead he just spat back: ‘Yeah, I know. Maybe I just don’t want to tell you about it.’ and had turned his back, to focus on taking it apart properly.

The next time he saw Dimitri, that ass had the audacity to apologise for ‘upsetting’ him. And since then, just the sight of his face was enough to make Jayce feel blind rage. Luckily, Hextech had taken off since then, so whatever rivalry Dimitri may have thought they had, Jayce had clearly won.

So that was fine. It was all fine.

And now he was watching him make Viktor laugh, across the room.

‘Uh oh, down, boy,’ Vi said quietly, Caitlyn and her laughing. It was clear that Jayce had his hackles up.

‘Please don’t start a fight at my mum’s birthday party,’ Caitlyn pleaded.

‘When have I ever started a fight?’ Jayce argued, his eyes still fixed on them.  ‘Why is he even here?’

‘Uh, young business startup guy, kind of in my mum’s field. I think she’s interested in investing, so he’s invited. As is the dozens of other business people my mom already sponsors.’ Caitlyn’s passive way of saying ‘You’re not special, Jayce.’

Jayce downed his drink. ‘I’m going to go to the bar,’ he said, leaving his glass on the table.

He didn’t mention he was going to the bar closest to the two men, he figured that was implied. He got himself a whisky, and then, figuring he was already there, got Viktor another Pepsi, and came over to the couch. Viktor noticed him first, smiling at him. ‘Hi Jayce,’

‘Hi, V.’ He passed over his drink, letting his fingers linger, standing at the side of Viktor, refusing to let Dimitri be in the middle of the two.

‘Ah, I need to pee before I drink anything else. Hold my space, I’ll be back, soon.’ He then turned to Dimtri, and said something Jayce couldn’t understand. It took him a moment, mostly based on trying to fit the pieces he heard together, but as well as noticing the change in pitch of Viktor’s voice, that he’d swapped languages.

‘My parents are Russian immigrants,’ Dimitri explained, probably noticing Jayce’s narrowing eyes.. ‘When we heard each other’s surnames, we figured out we both spoke it. It’s been nice, we’re both a little rusty and out of practice.’ He smiled easily, clearly not reading Jayce’s facial expression as one that said I would murder you if I had the chance. ‘But seriously, it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, how are things going?’

‘It’s good,’ Jayce said. And I will not justify my happiness or the goodness of my life to you.

Dimitri nodded. ‘Can you believe that Viktor is pregnant? He just told me. He even said, like, that the medical people said that he was kind of old to be pregnant. I think it’s wild. All my friends are starting to have babies, too. I don’t know where all the time went.’

Jayce gripped his glass a little tighter. ‘Yeah I can believe Viktor’s pregnant, because I’m the father.’

That knocked the smug look off Dimitri’s face. ‘Oh, oh my god, congratulations, man! I didn’t know the two of you were together.’

‘We’re not, we’re just… partners.’

‘Right,’ Dimitri nodded, clearly not understanding. So what? I will not justify my happiness in life to you.

Viktor came back from the bathroom, locking his wheelchair in the same place, and they kept talking. They switched to English, mostly for Jayce’s benefit, although he didn’t really contribute anything to the conversation. Just stood there, willing to get Viktor more drinks when he asked for them.

They left a little early, Viktor stating his body hurt, and Jayce having been over it several hours ago, anyway. They were waiting for their Uber outside – they always took forever to arrive, because they had to wait for an accessible one which could transport his wheelchair. ‘Why didn’t you tell Dimitri that I’m the baby’s father?’ Jayce asked, finally unable to stop the question spilling from his lips.

Viktor looked up at him, somewhat surprised. He shrugged. ‘This whole thing has been like, talking to people who already know us, talking about how weird it is, or wanting to know… how I conceived, what our parenting is going to look like, and how interesting a choice it is. I guess I met someone I kind of knew, who was like the one person who didn’t know we did this stupid thing together, and it felt nice to just be excited about the pregnancy without all these weird questions.’

Well, now Jayce felt like a dickhead. ‘I told him it was mine,’ he blurted out.

Viktor looked at him, smirking. ‘I know you did. Same way I know you sent a company email out to everyone but me asking people to talk to you about the baby instead of me.’

Jayce flushed, suddenly embarrassed, and he looked away.

‘It’s fine, it’s… very sweet of you, to put yourself out there for me.’

Their Uber appeared, rolling down the road before coming to a gentle stop.

‘It’s no trouble, V,’ he said, pulling open the side door of the car to help him.

Chapter Text

The moment Jayce picked him up, and deposited him on that table, Viktor had let all of his doubts disappear. There was a hungry look in Jayce’s eyes as he started working on Viktor’s belt, pulling his open shirt off his shoulders, and pulling his pants and underwear down. Viktor was ready to start working on Jayce’s own belt when he felt Jayce touch him, dragging his fingers through his slick. It made Viktor shiver, his fingers tremble with the belt. Jayce chuckled, a low sound that made his core hot.

It was a sound Viktor heard in all his wet dreams.

He’d almost forgotten he’d given Dimitri his number, when he got the text through.

Hi Viktor, it’s Dimitri. I just wanted to send a message, to tell you how much I loved talking with you this evening. It was amazing getting to talk to someone else who is queer, Russian, and a scientist. Someone who really gets it. I wanted you to know how much I regret not talking to you more in college. I know things are complicated for you, but I’d hate to lose my shot by not taking it, so I want to say I’d love to take you out on a date someday, if you’d let me. Anyway, I hope you have a good night.

He stared at the message on his phone, just looking at it. It was sent sometime close to midnight, clearly he’d sent it after tossing in turning in bed.

If he’d met him any time before the last five months, his answer would have been easy. Dimitri was nice. He wasn’t just nice, he was cute. He had this relaxed style, with longer hair. He understood what Viktor did, he knew his sci-fi references. He was a nice Russian boy his parents would love, who would maybe make them forget that Viktor was in a queer relationship.

He could maybe be the man to help him get over Jayce.

But he hadn’t. Instead, he’d met him again when he was five months pregnant, stuck permanently into the hole of this platonic co-parenting situation, living with the man who’d fucked his brains out and then regretted it immediately, who was also his best friend.

Viktor sat up, feeling this panic and frustration in his chest.

For a moment, he regretted everything. He regretted letting Jayce fuck him. He regretted that the one singular time he let a man fuck him without protection it got him pregnant. He saw a parallel life opening up, one where he’d gotten an abortion like a reasonable person, where he met Dimitri at that party and he had none of these strings attached. One where he could find somebody who might actually love him back.

He felt awful for it immediately, putting his hands to his belly, trying to soothe his son, as if he might be able to sense his father’s regret.

‘I’m so sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it.’ He felt tears fall. What an awful person he was, to feel that way about his child, to want to throw him away for a man.

The life he was going to have wasn’t awful. Jayce didn’t love him romantically, but he loved him like family. He respected him, he honoured him. It was miles away from the worst situation ever.

But sitting, talking, and flirting with Dimitri. It had made Viktor feel wanted, for the first time in a long time.

It took so much for Viktor to feel sexy. It almost never happened. He knew he wasn’t ugly. But people saw the brace that kept his foot straight, and they looked at him like he was hideous. They saw that lump on his back filled with nerves and suddenly his good cheekbones, and the bedroom eyes weren’t enough anymore.

Usually when he went out in his wheelchair, he was invisible. But Dimitri had done a double take, looked him up and down, his eyes lingering on his collarbones, the naked section of his chest visible, and Viktor could see the hunger in his eyes.

And maybe – maybe he wasn’t Jayce. But that could be a good thing. After all, Viktor was never going to get over him by attaching himself to an inferior copy.

But no.

He typed out his response numbly.

Hi Dimitri. Thank you for your message. I really enjoyed speaking to you, too. It was special. But I’m heavily pregnant. Jayce and I aren’t in a romantic relationship (I’m aware he took the time to explain this to you), but I don’t think it’s a good time to start any kind of relationship. My baby deserves to have all my attention when he’s born, and so would a new partner. I cannot in good conscious agree to go on a date with you. I’m sorry our timing just didn’t match up, otherwise I would have said yes.

He threw his phone down on his bedside, frustrated. Just his luck. The Catholic part of his upbringing (which was a small part, represented entirely by his terrifying grandmother) leaned down to whisper in his ear: this is what you get for giving in to premarital sex. To hear the perfect man regret you, and to have to turn down the next best person even when he comes straight up to you.

His phone buzzed on the table.

I understand, and to be honest, I don’t think I would feel right taking your attention away from your son, anyway. But please, promise me that in a couple of years’ time, when he can stay with a babysitter, that you’ll message me and see if I’m free?

It was so sweet it actually made Viktor blush.

I promise.

Viktor came out from his afternoon nap, hungry for chips. he waddled his way into the living room, and there was Jayce sat there, ball of grey wool next to him, a crochet hook in his left hand, slowly crocheting. ‘What are you doing?’ Viktor asked, watching the way he moved the hook in his hand.

‘I found a pattern for jellyfish mobiles to hang from the ceiling, and I wanted to make them. I think they’d be good for baby boy’s room.’

It was an adorable. The idea of making things for their baby, making things special like that. But what Viktor was more focused on was the movement of his hands. The deftness.

He remembered Jayce fingering him.

The memory was so sudden, he practically flooded his underwear.

It embarrassed him, and it would have embarrassed him more if this hadn’t become a weird, semi-frequent event.

It just usually didn’t happen during the day. Usually he would get ready for bed, he would roll onto his side, with his pregnancy pillow to support, and he would shut his eyes, and bam. Suddenly all he could consider, all he could think about, was Jayce. They’d fucked once, it probably lasted about five minutes, it hadn’t been the most romantic (given it ended with a rejection that still made Viktor cringe when thinking about it) but god, had he fucking loved it.

He was so used to it now, he pretty much prepared the vibrator before he rolled into bed so he could get off easier, without having to get up again.

Only now, his bump was bigger, there was more of a reach around. Rolling onto his back, there was a pressure on his spine from the baby.

And his mind would wander, and halfway through, he would remember his son was there, and it would fill him with this weird uncomfortable feeling that stopped the build up to orgasm entirely.

So clearly, his body was reeling from not getting off as much as usual. And now, all that was needed to get Viktor going was looking at his goddamn fingers.

He averted his eyes.

‘That sounds good. I think they’ll be really cute.’

Jayce smiled, showing that little tooth gap that was an adorable piece of imperfection, something that made him so unique. Viktor hoped their son’s teeth would be the same, instead of having his own weird snaggletooth, the odd gaps. More and more, he found himself studying Jayce, thinking I hope our baby looks like you, I hope our baby is like you.

‘Vi was talking about getting one of those industrial rug making machines, to make an underwater themed rug.’

Viktor hummed. ‘I don’t know if I trust Vi with one of those. I think maybe I’d like to see what she made, though. Albeit, I don’t know if I want to see it in my son’s room.’

Jayce smiled, putting his crochet to the side. ‘We need to think about his name, soon.’

‘I don’t know how we’re meant to know his name before we see him.’

‘Well, you’ve been giving him names to our co-workers,’ he leaned back on the sofa, resting his head on his hand, that amused little smirk.

Viktor kissed his teeth. ‘They were asking questions, it was easier to just make something up, rather than say No, we’re busy, we haven’t come up with anything.’

‘Those seem like about the same level of difficulty.’

Viktor felt his back twinge, and before he even said anything, Jayce was patting the sofa, and he sat down, grateful to take the weight off his back.

‘Why’d you pick those names? Lev, Mikhail…’

Viktor groaned. ‘They’re just Russian boys names, they just came into my head.’ Boys Viktor had remembered from his early years, when they still lived in Russia, or maybe in Ukraine. He remembered them, like he remembered a lot of his classmates, for being jealous of them.

‘We can give him a Russian name, if you wanted,’ Jayce’s voice was softer, gentle. Viktor shrugged, absently rubbing his thighs together, irritated that he was still wet, that even Jayce’s kindness was getting him turned on.

‘No, it’s not… it’s not anything like that.’ He brushed a hand through his hair. ‘What was your dad’s name?’

Jayce smiled sadly. ‘Karim Talis.’

‘That’s a nice name,’ Viktor said, rubbing his stomach.

‘I don’t want to call him that. There was one Karim Talis, and he died, and that’s okay. I don’t want to start his life looking back, I want to look forward.’

‘That’s… a good reason.’ He was about to say something when he felt baby boy move inside of him.

Jayce noticed. ‘Can I feel?’ The wonder hadn’t left him, even after Viktor had grown a little frustrated with it.

Viktor nodded, reaching out to place Jayce’s big hand on his stomach. Jayce smiled. ‘He’s strong. They’re a little fluttery. So cute.’

‘Mm. Sure is.’

Jayce laughed.

Viktor was trying not to focus on the feeling of his strong hands on his body. He averted his eyes again. His mind was flushing and he was desperately trying to distract himself.

Don’t think of his dick. Don’t think of his fingers. Don’t think about what he might be like going down on you.

‘I’m going to take a bath.’ He got up quickly, waddling towards the bathroom. They paid good money for the luxurious bath they had, one that was in the floor that had a nice wood handle that looked miles better than the plastic ones they usually made with adapted bathrooms. Why did it seem like a personal challenge for people to make all accessible bathrooms so ugly?

His underwear was soaked when he pulled them off, frustrated with himself. Just frustrated in general by everything.

Made horny by everything, and unable to properly jack off. What had he done to deserve this Hell?

Jayce didn’t feel comfortable going shopping for the furniture for their son’s room with him. ‘If I’m seen shopping for cribs, it’s just going to undo all the work our PR team does,’ he said. Personally, Viktor wondered if he actually was that well known. Surely he could put a baseball cap on, wear a hoodie, and be fine? No one is expecting to see tech mogul Jayce Talis in the baby store, unlike the places he frequents like the gym and the coffee shop.

But it’s ultimately for privacy, so he doesn’t press him. There was this moment when Hextech blew up when it was still just the two of them, he remembered watching the email counter just flicking up and up and up, the amount of people asking to take pictures or just ask one question. Then they hired people to deal with it, and it had felt like it went back to normal. Their PR team did a really good job, he guessed.

He went shopping with Ximena instead. Sat in his wheelchair, you still couldn’t totally tell from the baggy clothes whether he was pregnant or not, and he appreciated it. He felt out of place immediately, seeing happy expectant moms and their partners. Here he was, a man, with his… mother-in-law? Grandmother of his son? Friend? He didn’t know what fit best.

Immediately, he was overwhelmed by it all.

‘Did you know in Finland, they give all expectant parents a box from the government that has clothes, diapers, books, and then the box itself becomes a little crib for the baby to sleep in? So all young children have the same start in life,’ he told Ximena, as they browsed the several grey, utilitarian options.

‘That’s great. I wish they did something like that here. Not that you and Jayce need something like that.’

Viktor thought to his own birth, as he did more often now, born just before the fall of the USSR, in a little hospital barely equipped to see him through the surgery he needed. His own son was going to be born in a private hospital, with space and luxury Viktor still couldn’t properly imagine. ‘I read somewhere that it costs around $35,000 to give birth in America,’ he said.

‘Sounds about right.’ She smiled at him, clearly not understanding what he was getting at.

He wondered how other people coped being around people who didn’t have that instinctual deep worry about money.

‘Do you like any of these?’ Ximena asked, grabbing one of the bassinets in front of them, to feel it.

Really, he wanted Jayce here, because Jayce had a lot of interest in how things looked aesthetically. He had made a Pinterest board for their nursery, and Viktor looked at it now. He preferred the wooden, more classic type of crib. He showed it to Ximena, and she helped pick out some options. They texted with Jayce, showing him the pictures, and in the end, picked out a crib and bassinet. The pram was going to be a whole other issue, considering accessibility, so they just left it, but had looked at a couple of options at least. They ordered everything to be delivered to the house, neither of them strong enough to lift anything into the car (another reason to miss Jayce).

‘How is it, living together again? Ximena asked, when they’d gotten back into the car, both more tired around then usual.

‘It’s okay. Jayce has some habits, but once you get used to him, he’s no trouble.’

‘And your relationship is… the same? You are friends?’

‘Yes.’ He didn’t want to have a conversation about his relationship with Jayce normally, let alone while constantly a little horny, pregnant with his son, and trapped in a car with his mother. What was he meant to say? I am so willing and ready to let him fuck me again it’s actually ruining my sleep, but unfortunately he regretted sex with me so deeply he couldn’t help but tell me while he was still inside me.

‘I didn’t mean to do that.’

The words haunted him. In the lull after masturbation when self-esteem is cracked open and vulnerable, those were the words that kept going around his head.

‘I know that you’re both very modern and I know people don’t get married before having babies anymore – Jayce’s cousin didn’t, but… you’re very good for each other. And if you’re living together, you have meals together, you’re about to have a baby together, and you’ve, y’know, done things to make a baby together –’ Viktor’s fingernails were pressing tight into the underside of the seat, hoping he could somehow eject out of the car just to get away from this conversation. ‘I guess I don’t understand how different that is from being in a relationship?’

‘We’re… it’s all for the baby. We’re living together because it’s best for the baby. And I guess it looks similar, but… we don’t have those kinds of feelings for each other. We’re friends, and no doubt when the baby is older, Jayce will find a real partner, and we’ll find a way to split custody, when our boy has more of a capacity to understand.’

She frowned. ‘You don’t see yourself getting a partner, too?’

In his head, he thought about Dimitri, about how it was all too good to be true. ‘I am not exactly as eligible a bachelor as your son is, Ximena.’

No one wanted to go out with a disabled, nerdy trans man who had a kid. No one had wanted him before the pregnancy for more than a quick fuck, so they could cross that niche off their list and brag to other people about how wide their sex lives were. He wasn’t anyone’s first choice. And he would only become a worst choice as a single parent.

Dimitri would be busy, when Viktor was ready to call.

He would forget about him.

‘You are Jayce’s real partner. I don’t care if he marries someone else later, you’re his partner,’ Ximena told him.

It just hurt.

He felt crushed by it all, when he got back to the house.

And Jayce was waiting there, all puppyish,

‘Hey, how’d it go? Did you get to pick out our top choice? When are they delivering it?’  Viktor put a hand up, and Jayce stopped. ‘What’s up? Are you okay?’

‘I’m just… tired,’ he said.

‘Oh. Of course. Sorry. We’ll talk later. I’ll take care of dinner, okay? I’ll let you know when it’s almost done.’

Viktor drew himself another bath. In the privacy of the bathroom, he was able to let himself cry.

He didn’t normally do that when the testosterone was in his system. He would try to, but the tears had dried up. Now, with more than enough oestrogen in his system, he couldn’t fight back the floods of tears. He tried to keep them quiet, before remembering Jayce couldn’t hear anyway.

Some days he was good at ignoring it all. And other days it was like having everything he wanted but couldn’t have paraded in front of his face. Of course he didn’t want to live different houses, share his son with Jayce and a step-parent he didn’t know, but he couldn’t do anything else. That was always the inevitable. He couldn’t change how Jayce felt. He was being polite, being honourable.

He was being a good friend. Because that’s all he would ever be.

Viktor sat in the bath and let himself cry.

And even after all that crying, he was still horny.

Chapter Text

He had never felt such a mix of shame and arousal as he did when he surreptitiously watched Viktor wipe his cum out of him.

The last time he felt anything similar, he was thirteen years old, watching the older boys play basketball without shirts on, and he felt that fluttering in his stomach he knew he shouldn’t be feeling.

The arousal only made the shame worse. And whenever he thought about that evening, when he touched himself replaying the memory, he was interrupted by the blank expression on Viktor’s face after.

One of Jayce’s favourite features of their kitchen was the giant farmhouse stone sink. It was gorgeous, and bigger and better than the modern metal sinks in other properties. He immediately had images of them bathing their baby at the sink for the first time.

That image had now been obliterated, because what they actually used the sink for was bathing Viktor’s naked mole rat of a cat. So far, the house was big enough that Rio and Jayce were able to avoid each other. Albeit on the sofa, Rio would come to nest in Viktor’s lap, rub her shaky little head all over his bump, and then she would stare directly into Jayce’s soul like she was trying to psyche him out.

‘She’s trying to assert her authority over you by making you look away first,’ Viktor told him.

So now, whenever he came across Rio and she stared at him, Jayce had to stare back, lest he lose his authority to a fucking cat.

It was Jayce who actually suggested he help bathe Rio. ‘It might help me when it comes to our baby.’

Viktor had looked at him, clearly amused, but had said: ‘Okay.’

When Viktor brought out the shower cap, Jayce lost it.

It was a purple thing, scrunched to go over Rio’s ears; it fastened under her chin and was the stupidest thing he’d ever seen.

‘She doesn’t really need that, does she?’ he asked, trying to regain his composure.

‘She falls over because of her cerebellar hypoplasia, and she might accidentally get water in her ears, so yes, she does have to wear it,’ Viktor told him, only sounding a bit defensive. Jayce knew he was obsessed with his uncooked chicken of a companion, and deep down, he did find it adorable that Viktor clung to this wretched thing, but he still found her funny. So Jayce stood by, trying to maintain composure as Viktor gently placed the awful creature into the sink. She even had her own wash cloth – purple, like her bonnet – which he used. Weirdly, it was kind of similar to the techniques of washing a baby. Gentle movements, followed by a trickle of water to wash the soap off. Then he drained the sink, and showed Jayce how he got the junk out from between her claws with a Q-tip. ‘I don’t think our son will need this part,’ Jayce said, and Viktor scowled at him for a moment, before continuing. He cleaned her angry eyes, and then went around her ears, Jayce wrinkling his nose at the gunk collected. ‘Sometimes I put coconut oil on her, to moisturise her skin, but she doesn’t need it all the time, or she’ll get greasy. Please stop laughing at her, Jayce, this is why she doesn’t like you.’

‘Sorry, I just – you spend a significant portion of your life moisturising your cat.’

‘And what about it?’ Viktor lifted her out of the sink and gently patted her dry with a towel. Finally, deciding she was done, he removed the shower cap. She shook her head out, and then scowled at Jayce. Viktor was already there, giving her a little gooey treat which she licked off the plate, and when she was done, he placed her back on the floor, and she wandered off. Jayce shrugged. ‘I’ll learn with our baby, it’s fine. It doesn’t look that hard.’

Viktor arched an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing.

‘I think Viktor might be avoiding me,’ Jayce announced at drinks with Caitlyn and Mel. They both looked at him.

‘How?’ Mel asked at last, swirling her drink with her straw. ‘Living together surely makes that difficult.’

Jayce shrugged. ‘He’s just… I don’t know. We hang out less, watch TV less. He spends a lot of time in the bathroom, or in his study. I just… I miss hanging out with him, you know? When we were in college we’d just lay there and talk about anything and everything.’

Caitlyn and Mel made eye contact, and then looked back at Jayce without saying anything. They only did that when he’d made some kind of stupid mistake. He slumped his shoulders. ‘What now?’ he asked.

They made eye contact again.

‘Jayce,’ Mel began carefully, leaning slightly closer – something she did almost unconsciously now, used to Jayce’s table microphone which helped him hear better. ‘You’re not in college anymore. Viktor is, what? Six months pregnant? To be honest, he’s probably uncomfortable all of the time. If you want to have a taste, go ask him if you can put your hands under his belly and just take the weight for five minutes. It’s hard on anyone, especially someone so delicate. It’s probably not even about you.’ She leaned back. ‘I’m going to get another drink.’ She shared another look with Caitlyn, before getting up.

Jayce sighed. ‘I’m like the worst co-parent ever.’

‘No you’re not. You’re just… a cis man,’ Caitlyn said quietly. ‘And in addition to everything Mel said… Viktor is trans. I don’t know what I would do, if I had to go through something so publicly that identified my birth sex. It’s just an extra shit thing, on top of something that’s already hard, on top of all of the other things he deals with.’ She smiled at him. ‘You’re doing fine, just… yeah. Sometimes being trans just hurts, he’s probably self-conscious, maybe he doesn’t want you to see him like that.’

‘I will accept him in any condition,’ Jayce said gently.

‘I know. It’s just, I mean speaking as one trans person, I love Vi to death, but I get a little jealous of her, sometimes. She accepts me in whatever condition, but it takes a second to allow myself to be relaxed and nice around someone who has what I want.’ She drew back. ‘I don’t know. Maybe Viktor’s super chill with it, but it’s something to think about, y’know?’

‘Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Cait.’

‘No worries.’ She took a sip of her drink. ‘It’s still weird to me that you’re going to have a baby.’

‘Well, get used to it, because you’re going to be an aunt, and you will have babysitting duties.’

She made a face, and Jayce laughed.

He did think about it, as he watched Viktor come and go through his routine. He pretty much started using Jayce’s wardrobe at home. His shorts to accommodate the baby belly, along with bigger t-shirts. Jayce noticed the rubbing of his back, the waddle that had now set in, which he thought was cute but he knew Viktor would kill him for saying that.

‘Can I try something?’ he asked, while Viktor was fiddling with their microwave.

‘What kind of thing?’ he asked, not looking his way, his brows still furrowed.

‘Something to help your back a bit.’

‘Well, in that case, sure.’

‘Okay. I’m going to come up behind you, so don’t elbow me.’

Viktor looked over his shoulder, but didn’t say anything, so Jayce approached. His chest bumped up against Viktor’s back, and he felt him tense a bit.

‘Gently, gently.’ Jayce reached his hands around Viktor’s hips, and then put his hands to his stomach.

‘What are you doing, Jayce?’

‘I’m just going to be careful. Careful.’

With his hands firmly around, he grabbed and lifted.

‘Oh, my god.’

Well, that sound was more orgasmic than Jayce was expecting. Viktor leaned his head against Jayce’s shoulder, and moaned.

Jayce laughed. ‘Does that feel good?’

‘You’re doing this every day until he’s born.’

Jayce hooked his head over Viktor’s shoulder. ‘Does it really help? He doesn’t feel that heavy.’

‘Mm. Keep doing this and I will ignore that bullshit.’

They both laughed. Jayce enjoyed the warmth of Viktor’s body against his, and in the back of his head was his sensible brain telling his body Do not pop a boner and ruin this.

They stayed there for a moment, Jayce holding him. He loved the warm feeling of Viktor’s body against him, particularly his ass, and then when he felt his gut stirring, he tried to focus again on Viktor’s breathing. On that long neck, his jawline.

Fuck.

‘I think I’m going to have to let go now,’ Jayce said, trying to keep his cool.

Viktor whined, and fuck, was it hot. Jayce let go of his stomach, and stood back, the coolness rushing to him. He tried to casually readjust his pants, and the two of them look at each other.

For a moment, it’s like that moment after they’d finished fucking, that awkwardness. Jayce rubbed his jaw. ‘I’m err, I’m glad it helped. It was something Mel said I should do.’

Viktor was readjusting his shirt, avoiding Jayce’s eyes again.

Well shit, he’d made it weird again.

‘I think I’m going to take a bath,’ Viktor announced quietly.

Jayce nodded. ‘I’m gunna take a walk, give you some… some time.’

The weird stalemate of awkwardness continued for a week or so. Jayce knew he was likely to be overdramatic and assume everyone was thinking the worst of him at all times, and that Mel was right, Viktor probably had better things to think about than ruminate on Jayce, but it still felt like Viktor was avoiding him. At work they continued their lunches, but he noticed that Viktor was tired, blinking slowly. He had bags under his eyes, more than usual.

Jayce wracked his brain over everything, trying to figure out what the issue was. Did Viktor hate the house? Was he just really lethargic because of the pregnancy? Was something wrong with baby? Jayce knew tiredness was a sign of anaemia. Did Viktor realise from being around Jayce so much that he actually didn’t like him at all, and he regretted agreeing to be parents together?

The answer came, in a weird, batshit way, as all answers should.

Jayce’s shower was broken in his own en-suite, and, life being too short to shower in the cold, simply resolved to share the main bathroom with Viktor. Having a similar schedule, they bathed at a similar time, but it was fine, Jayce let Viktor go first, because he was polite.

It unfolded like the greatest of all tragedies.

Jayce was waiting in the living room, catching up on the cooking competition shows he liked, his towel next to him. It wasn’t that Viktor was taking forever, it was just that Jayce really wanted to get showered sooner, rather than later.

Eventually, Viktor comes down the corridor, wrapped up in his robe, with his crutch.

Jayce does not have his hearing aids in, because he does not wear them in the shower.

So as he passes Viktor, he doesn’t hear him stop, gasp, and turn.

Jayce enters the bathroom. Viktor tries to pursue, but Jayce doesn’t hear him trying to catch up, so does not slow down.

Jayce turns to their shower, as Viktor reaches the door behind him.

Jayce immediately sees what is clearly a vibrator sat on the bench in the shower. The shower door is open, to perfectly frame it, as if lovingly placed there, and not abandoned after use.

Jayce turns, ready to discreetly go back to the living room and wait for Viktor to remember.

Jayce makes full and unmistakable eye contact with Viktor.

They stare at each other.

It was quite impressive, just how flushed Viktor’s face could get. Jayce could only thank the gods for his brown skin that he didn’t look the same.

At last, Viktor looked away, embarrassed, and rushed past Jayce, snatching it off the seat, and all but running away.

Jayce just stood there, overwhelmed.

He knew Viktor masturbated. Of course he did. He masturbated. He jerked off in the shower, too, and it was only a fact of anatomy that it was easier for him to do so without tools. He knew Viktor was a private person, they didn’t really talk about specifics. Viktor would tell him he went on dates, or that a man ‘stayed over’, but they were never the type of friends to talk in full facts. And hey, they never needed to. For Jayce, it kept a barrier safe for him. Because if they had the kind of friendship where he could brag about his pussy eating ability, he knew he’d be unable to resist following it up with ‘Want me to show you?’

Now, it felt like that barrier was breaking.

When he finished showering, he’d decided on a course of action, pretty much. It was normal, and they lived together now, of course they were going to learn too much about each other.

Viktor was eating breakfast in the kitchen, hunched over a crossword on his tablet. Jayce shuffled in. Viktor shifted, letting him know he was aware of his presence.

The silence was Loud, even for Jayce.

‘I didn’t know they were waterproof,’ he said after a moment.

Viktor looked up, and it was like Jayce could see his mind break as he tried to digest that.

At last, he furrowed his eyebrows and said: ‘They go in and around vaginas, Jayce, why the fuck would they not be waterproof?’

Jayce nodded. Ice broken, tick.

Viktor looked back down. ‘It’s… it’s, I would prefer we not talk about this actually.’

‘You know there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, right?’

‘Yes, I am aware, we don’t need to have the sex ed talk, I am in my thirties.’

‘I mean, this is your home too, and if it makes it easier to store it in its case in the bathroom, that makes sense.’

Viktor dragged a hand through his hair. ‘It’s fine, Jayce, it doesn’t matter.’

‘I’m just think that you should feel comfortable in your own house.’

‘It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to happen again, anyway.’

Jayce stood for a moment, unsure what that meant or even what it implied. ‘Why?’

Viktor looked up, before dropping his shoulders, his posture giving a clear expression of Fuck it.

‘I can’t reach or hold anything long enough to like, make it work anyway, because everything is just, so…’ he flapped his hands. ‘It doesn’t even matter.’

Something clicked in Jayce’s head. This was what was keeping Viktor up at night, making him moody and avoidant. And yeah, it sounded awful.

The second thing is his mind went into problem solving mode.

‘Do you want help?’

Well, he hadn’t quite meant it like that, but that was what had come out of his mouth.

Suddenly, they’re back to staring at each other, shocked and confused.

‘Are you offering?’ Viktor asked.

Was Jayce offering? He’d initially thought surely they must make vibrators with longer handles for pregnancy already. But he did already know a little about how Viktor liked to be touched. And he wasn’t awful at the whole thing anyway.

Was it weird to offer to help jerk your friend off?

Was it any weirder than getting your friend pregnant in the first place?

Oh, fuck it.

‘If it helps,’ Jayce said, taking an experimental step closer.

Chapter Text

‘Ah, ah.’

Viktor tried to keep his sounds to himself, but he couldn’t. His hands were clawing at Jayce’s back, and he could feel the hard muscle under his skin, could feel him moving as he thrust his fingers in and out. He added his thumb, touching the bundle of nerves and Viktor spasmed.

Viktor had no real memory of what happened between Jayce offering to finger him, and ending up in bed, naked. Jayce had taken his shirt off too, but he kind of just lived with his shirt off anyway, so it was hard to tell if it was for the mood, or just for comfort.

Jayce’s hand was warm on his thigh, rubbing closer and closer. ‘Is this okay?’ he whispered. Viktor was already soaked, and Jayce knew that. When he had pulled his underwear off, he’d said ‘Oh, I’ll just put those in your clothing hamper.’ It was so polite, and clinical, somehow.

‘Please, Jayce. Move.’

Jayce staring at him. He had a habit of making either no eye contact, or entirely too much eye contact. Viktor was aware it was probably something to do with his autism, and he didn’t like to point it out, because he knew he couldn’t help it. So he just stared up at the ceiling, aware Jayce was staring at his profile. Jayce moved his hand up, trailing his fingers through the slick, rubbing gently, moving closer to his clit.

Viktor could have cried from the relief. He gasped, trying to arch his back, unable to from the huge fucking weight, and his fused spine.

Jayce was encouraged, and started moving faster. Viktor opened his legs a little wider, trying to give him more access.

Jayce just seemed to be exploring, moving his fingers through his slick, before going to touch his clit.

‘If I start crying, keep going,’ Viktor gasped, running his hand over his chest.

Jayce stopped. ‘Are you okay?’

Viktor whined. ‘I’ve been unable to get myself off for fucking weeks and now you’re touching me and it’s so good and so much, you have to keep going.’ It was embarrassing to be begging him, but it was so urgent. He could feel tears in his eyes.

‘Oh,’ Jayce sighed. ‘I’ve got you V, it’s okay.’ He shifted, moving closer. ‘Is there anything else that’s going to help?’

‘Touch my chest,’ Viktor gasped.

It was awkward, and then Jayce said ‘Can I move you?’

Viktor just nodded.

Jayce pulled his hand away, and then pulled him, rolling him until he was partially on top of him. He pulled one leg over him, spreading him wide, to give him further access. He was partially on his side, which soothed the pressure of the baby. Jayce snaked his hand under him, and started to play with his nipple. Viktor didn’t know what to do with the overwhelming sensations. He was moaning, sighing, half out of his mind. ‘Jayce, don’t slow down, I’m – I’m going to come.’

‘That’s the point, V.’

His mind went completely blank, his sensations coming back to him in pieces, aware of his open sobbing mouth, his thighs twitching. Jayce’s hand continued moving.

The feeling of his body came back to him, as he caught his breath,

And then, the sudden rush of reality, and the regret, which came almost at the same time as Jayce pulling his fingers out of him.

Jayce didn’t wipe his hand off on him, which Viktor was grateful for. Other men had been known to use his body like a handkerchief.

‘Well, um,’ Viktor murmured, fixing his eyes on the ceiling. ‘Thank you. That was… a relief.’

‘Do you want to cuddle?’ Jayce asked, his voice gravelly.

Viktor blinked, confused, he turned to him, not sure what was going on.

Jayce just stared back at him, his eyebrows furrowed. ‘Do you not cuddle after sex normally?’ he asked.

Viktor’s throat was dry. ‘No, not really.’

Jayce huffed. ‘Men are awful, aren’t we? When I have dates with women, there’s always conversation, and getting a drink afterwards, cuddle, showers… men, it’s always get in, do the job, leave. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be gay.’ He winced. ‘Sorry, that sounded homophobic.’

Viktor chuckled, he couldn’t help it. There was something… weirdly familiar to the situation, despite the nakedness.

Sometimes, when Viktor was in pain, and he couldn’t leave his bed, Jayce would come over, and he would get into bed with him, and they would hang out there. The first time he did it was when they moved in together in their second year of university. Jayce came in to ask what was up, and then when he left, Viktor closed his eyes, expecting boredom, and fitful sleep. What he hadn’t expected was for Jayce to creep back in. He brought a water bottle – Viktor had one that was 2 litres, so he didn’t have to refill. Jayce had changed into his old sweatshirt from his high school, and pyjama shorts, holding his laptop. ‘So, if you want to watch something, we can, but if not, my hearing aids do have Bluetooth, so I can watch something by myself, too.’

Viktor blinked at him. ‘You don’t have to stay in here.’

Jayce looked back at him. ‘I know.’

Viktor wet his lips. ‘No, it’s true… men are awful, sometimes. And it doesn’t get better when you’re trans. I had to start asking men who wanted to hook up with me if they actually knew what to do with a vagina. Because too many of them just think you can stick two dry fingers up there, push them in and out a bit, and call it a day.’

Jayce frowned. ‘See, that confuses me, because you don’t do that for anal either, so where are they getting this technique from?’

‘Exactly! It’s so weird.’

Jayce shuffled them around, so their bodies were leaning into each other a bit more, so Jayce could read his lips. He had an arm around Viktor’s shoulders, and a hand against his stomach, protective almost, which weirdly, stirred something deep inside of him.

‘See, cuddling is nice,’ Jayce’s voice was low, intimate.

Viktor could already feel the sexual frustration building up again. ‘What… um, what happens now?’ he asked.

Jayce stared at him. ‘What do you mean?’

Viktor swallowed. Was it always going to be this awkward? ‘I am, um… this is how it feels for most of the time being pregnant. I’m always frustrated, or pent up. Apparently it’s the… increased blood flow and the hormones. So…’

‘So are we going to do this again?’ Jayce asked.

Viktor just nodded, wanting to look away.

Jayce hummed, his hand continuing to brush against his shoulder. ‘I’m here to make things easier for you, and it’s… not like it’s unusual, for friends to have sex with each other. I mean there’s a whole label for it, friends with benefits.’

Viktor’s brain was working overtime to say something constructive, something other than you don’t have to develop an entire thesis to rationalise having sex with me.

‘In BDSM, they call it play. You don’t have to have a romantic connection with your partner, you just have to trust them to play with them.’ He pulled it out of nowhere.

Jayce nodded, it made sense to him.

In a moment, there was a huge knot inside of Viktor. That Jayce could only fuck him once it had been rationalised into something else. God forbid Jayce want him.

‘Is that what you want?’ he asked, trying to push the rage down. Jayce tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowed. Quiet, Viktor whispered to himself, Calm. Explain. ‘I don’t want you to just do that out of expectation from me. That you’re just having to put up with having sex with me because I’m hormonal, and you feel responsibility?’

Jayce laughed, which didn’t exactly change Viktor’s discomfort. ‘No, I don’t feel like some cooped up sex-slave to your hormones. It’s not a burden, it’s just… a new fun thing we can do together as friends.’ Viktor felt Jayce’s hand moving on his shoulder gently, just the tips of his fingers rubbing – a sensation that went straight to Viktor’s crotch. ‘Plus there’s something… I don’t know, just… never mind,’ Jayce trailed off.

‘No, carry on,’ Viktor urged. ‘I’m naked as hell, you can say whatever embarrassing thing you’re about to say, to even it out.’

Jayce averted his eyes, and he was worrying his lip. ‘I just, well, wanted to say that it’s kind of… there’s this sense of accomplishment, or like, excitement, that you’re pregnant with my baby, when I get to touch you like this.’

Viktor had to take that in slowly. ‘So like, a breeding kink?’

‘No, a breeding kink is about the risk of the pregnancy, not the actual –’ Jayce shut his mouth fast.

Viktor laughed. ‘You know what it is, though,’ he almost chanted. ‘I didn’t think you’d know about kink stuff, honestly.’

‘Seriously?’

‘I don’t know. I think I just imagined you doing it missionary every time.’

‘Ouch,’ Jayce put a hand to his chest, mock-pain.

Viktor hummed. ‘I don’t know, I think I just made that assumption when I met you, and I never updated it.’ He looked away. ‘We never really talk about that stuff, anyway.’

Because it killed Viktor to imagine Jayce with other people.

They used to go clubbing together at university. There was a gay bar that he took Jayce to – at first, as an aggressively supportive ally, and later, as a questioning baby bi.

It was burned into his memory, the first time he saw Jayce with another man. It was fetish night, which they didn’t know until they got there. Viktor felt like the odd one out, but Jayce was wearing a tank top, so he was basically one harness away from fitting right in. As they sat with their drinks, Viktor noticed Jayce’s eyes wandering to the dance floor, to the men in leather harnesses. His eyes filled with curiosity, and desire. Viktor nudged him under the table. ‘Go, dance,’ he said, gesturing, because Jayce could never hear very well over the music.

‘No, it’s okay,’ Jayce said shyly.

Viktor insisted. ‘Go. Dance. Have fun.’ He knew that the second Jayce got on that dancefloor, that he was going to take everyone’s attention. And he did.

Viktor watched the man approach him: tall, strong, with a black harness on which accentuated his muscles. He walked through the crowd with clear intentions for Jayce. They talked, Viktor could probably guess at what was being said, but he didn’t want to know. The man closed in, and one look at Jayce’s face, Viktor could tell he was gone. That dazed, excited look in his eyes, like he couldn’t wait for him to touch him. Viktor watched as the man grabbed at Jayce’s jaw, bringing him forward for a kiss. He didn’t watch anything else, he just summoned up enough enthusiasm to look excited for him when Jayce came over to tell him where he was going, to remind him to turn his location on for his phone, and to text when he got the chance.

And then he left the bar, bought the really cheap wine from the store, and drowned his sorrow in his dorm room, because now he knew for certain that Jayce wasn’t into him. Jayce’s taste in men was muscular, tall, manly, masc4masc, he wasn’t looking for trans twinks. So he drank, he sobbed his guts out until his heart started hurting, then he sat in the shower for ages, possibly crying, and then he did skincare, and he buried that little hope he’d had inside of him deep inside of his soul. He buried it deep.

‘Do you want to touch me again?’ he asked suddenly, trying to push the memory from his mind.

Jayce leaned over him. ‘Do you want me to?’

Viktor was torn between the growing arousal, and the embarrassment of asking to be fingered again. ‘Yes.’

Jayce lingered, his hand rubbing his outer thigh and then the inside. Viktor spread his legs wider. But Jayce continued to rub his inner thigh, moving slowly upwards.

‘Stop teasing me,’ Viktor hummed, trying to arch himself closer to his fingers.

‘Maybe I like the teasing,’ Jayce’s voice was low. ‘It makes things better, when you get down to it.’

Viktor kept wriggling, moving closer. ‘I am heavily pregnant, Jayce. Think carefully about your choices.’

‘I am. What was that talk about play, V?’ He grinned at him, that adorable tooth gap visible. Viktor watched his face, before Jayce leaned in to kiss him.

Viktor froze. Jayce pulled back, frowning at him.

‘Do you not kiss your hookups too?’ Jayce asked. ‘What kind of sad, uncomfortable sex are you having?’ His voice sounded so pitiful, and genuinely hurt. Viktor snorted, unable to maintain a serious demeanour. ‘We don’t have to. It’s okay.’

‘No, you’re right, I just… I wasn’t expecting it.’

‘That’s okay.’ Jayce’s hand moved up from his shoulder to his hair, brushing it away, before touching his jaw, tilting it up.

What the hell, Viktor thought, let me pretend.

Jayce kissed him hard, and his fingers came to meet Viktor’s heat, and he gasped into his mouth, grasping against Jayce’s shoulder.

Chapter Text

Out of everything, when Jayce considered that night, the one memory he clung to as his favourite, was the look on Viktor’s face as they were announced the winner. The surprise, excitement, the pure joy on his face never got old. It always reminded Jayce of the days at university, when after sleepless nights of failures, their coding worked, and their first project had whirred to life. Viktor had looked at him, filled with excitement, and this innocent joy.

Jayce thought perhaps that was the moment he knew he was completely in love with Viktor.

Once they had somehow legitimised having platonic sex, the dam well and truly burst.

Jayce didn’t know much about pregnancy – he’d skimmed over it a lot when coworkers had mentioned it, but he had a vague idea of what to expect, and what he hadn’t been expecting was the sheer amount of horniness. Twice a day, morning and night, Viktor would ask Jayce if he wanted to. The asking was pretty perfunctory – it was always going to be yes for Jayce, and besides, there was this look of wild desperation and need in Viktor’s eyes when he asked.

Sometimes, Viktor would come into Jayce’s office, and would demand they take lunch at home, which led to a rushed lunch because they had to time in how long it would take for their actual lunch to be made and delivered, and also if they could get it to match the time it would take Jayce to finger him to completion.

Once, they didn’t make it home, instead finding somewhere to park quietly while Jayce put his hand down Viktor’s pants, and Viktor bucked into his hand desperately.

And it always ended the same. This kind of shared warmth, a little bit of cuddling, and then the post-nut clarity would hit, and they would both adjust their clothing, and go back to what they were doing like nothing had happened.

Viktor cried sometimes, as well. He told Jayce to ignore it, and he tried to. But to put it bluntly, it was quite an emotional rollercoaster to go from someone begging you to fuck them, to them then crying quietly afterwards.

‘I know it’s crazy, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ Viktor had gasped through tears. ‘This isn’t me.’

‘It’s the pregnancy, V,’ Jayce told him. ‘You’re allowed to go a little crazy.’

The amount of sex they were having meant that Jayce had to buy condoms semi-regularly. Still, even in his 30s, he found it awkward, and he went out of his way to find a convenience store that wasn’t in his area, because he was terrified that the lady who knew his mom from her reading group, who knew him for buying cookies and pregnancy snacks, would see him buying them and judge him.

He was doing pretty well, discreetly locating the condoms, finding the box of his usuals, but as he approached the front of the store, he froze.

He had acknowledged it vaguely when Vi had mentioned getting a part time job to help with costs for… something? (Jayce was a bad friend, he knew that.) But clearly he hadn’t been listening when she said it was as a cashier for a convenience store.

Well, that was fine. They had self-checkout for this exact reason. But it was late, not a lot of people there to distract her. He was grateful for the fact she seemed to be distracted by her phone, as he crept past.

But unfortunately, Jayce was “six-foot-fuck”, as he’d overheard Jinx describing him, and was not made for creeping, or not standing out.

‘Hey pretty boy, are you avoiding me?’ Vi called.

‘No, I’m just, uh, in a hurry.’ He dropped the box, but the fucking checkout wouldn’t acknowledge that the item was there at all. And Vi was coming over.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He picked the box up, to drop it again. The checkout acknowledged it, and he whipped his card out to pay, but Vi was already there, leaning her arm on the checkout. They both looked down at his singular purchase. He hadn’t even bought anything else to disguise it.

‘You dirty dog,’ she said, casting an eye over him. ‘When you’ve got a pregnant man at home as well.’

‘They’re for Viktor,’ he snapped, because he would never be caught cheating, even if it’s on someone he’s not even dating.

She squinted at him.

‘I mean like, they’re mine, but to use with Viktor.’ He fixed his eyes on a point past Vi’s shoulder, willing to sacrifice hearing her clearly to just get some distance from this conversation.

‘You guys are fucking again?’ she asked, exasperated.

‘Pregnancy hormones,’ Jayce murmured.

‘Oh, so you have to fuck him?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ she huffed, running a hand over her face. ‘So what’s with this? You’re aware you can’t get him pregnant again?’

‘He prefers I wear one so it limits the cleanup afterwards for him…’ Jayce wished desperately that the filter between his thoughts and his speech worked just a little better.

‘Oh god, you’ve not even been helping him with that?’ She sighed. ‘Cis men are fucking awful, you know that right?’

‘It’s been brought to my attention once or twice.’

Not knowing what else to do, he finished paying, and took his receipt, tucking the condom packet deep in his pockets.

‘You’re going to tell Caitlyn, aren’t you?’ He didn’t even have it in him to ask her not to.

‘Well, yeah, I have to. Who else am I meant to inform about your stupidity? I can’t talk to Powder about it, that would cause so many HR problems for you.’

Jayce sighed. ‘Honestly, at this point, it’s not like you can make anything worse for me.’

Vi studied his face. ‘You know having a baby is meant to be a good thing, right? And instead you just look… worn out.’

He tried to let his shoulders drop. ‘It’s just… it’s a lot. It’s all new and strange and different, and now that’s all it’s going to be.’

Vi nodded. ‘Why don’t you take some time, go do something together, like the two of you used to before this?’

Jayce bristled. ‘You talk like we’re dating?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Get your head out of the gutter for five minutes, and follow me with this. You’re best friends, you do everything together. You do, as much you like to pretend you don’t, have hobbies. In three months’ time, you’re both going to be focused on a new infant that Viktor is going to give birth to. When Pow had Isha, it took over the whole damn house. Babies are a lot of work. Do something – other than fucking him, I mean.’

When Jayce got back, Viktor was in bed, legs crossed, leaning back against his mountain of cushions, book in one hand, the other rubbing at his belly.

Viktor wore clothes less and less at home, especially as it warmed up. He had a kind of apathy about his general nudity that surprised Jayce.

‘I have been in constant medical care, my body this thing that other people frequently have access to. I have had nurses and carers throughout my life. If I did not stamp out that shame, I would not be able to function.’ Viktor had explained, having answered the door to Jayce with tits fully out one summer day in university.

Jayce had just kind of learned to live with it.

‘Did you get them?’ Viktor asked.

‘I went out for one thing, of course.’ Jayce pressed a kiss to his fingers, pressing them against the bump. He figured that leaning down and kissing his stomach was Too Much, even for whatever the fuck they were doing together.

‘Okay, can you help me turn over?’

They started sleeping in the same bed, more or less. Viktor’s bed was huge, with an orthotic mattress and a bunch of pillows, backed up against the wall like a little nest. Viktor fell asleep fairly quickly after they finished having sex. He never said anything about Jayce leaving, afterwards. He just rolled over. So Jayce stayed. He liked the closeness of it. he would lie on his side and stare at Viktor’s spine. He had a long scar down the middle of his back from the spinal fusion, and lower down, the lump on his back. Jayce would fall asleep looking at his back, wanting to touch him, wanting to get closer, but not daring to.

In the morning, he would get out of bed early, before Viktor would get up, and they would choose to not talk about it.

Jayce was fine with it.

‘Hey V, want to do something at the weekend?’ he asked, as they were getting ready on Monday for work.

‘You mean something other than watching TV and wishing my body would hurt less?’ Viktor asked, checking his bag through.

‘Yeah, I was looking at stuff, and there’s a little theatre that’s playing Dawn of the Dead this Saturday.’

‘Oh!’ Viktor looked up. ‘Where are they playing that?’

Jayce told him.

He immediately frowned. ‘That’s on the other side of town. That’s too far to go, just to see a movie.’ He slumped in his wheelchair. ‘Thanks anyway, Jayce. It would have been great.’

Jayce shrugged. ‘I know, why don’t we stay at a hotel? We can find one nearby.’

Viktor raised an eyebrow. ‘Booking a hotel on the other side of town? To go see a movie? What kind of rich people shit is that?’

Jayce laughed, and came up closer. ‘We’ve worked hard. We price our products fairly, we pay our workers well. We invest in our community. We deserve to do nice things, V. One weekend in a hotel, go see a movie we want to see.’ Viktor still didn’t seem convinced. Jayce leaned forward, and tried his next move. ‘When baby boy comes, we’re not going to have any time to do things like this again.’

Viktor paused for a moment, before sighing. ‘Okay. One weekend. Before baby Hextech comes knocking.’

Viktor gasped, his chair rolling in after Jayce swiped the card. ‘When you said… stay in a hotel… I was expecting just… something normal.’

Jayce may have splurged a little. A little more than he should have. But when he had heard that the penthouse suite had been available… he got excited. ‘There’s four rooms, two bathrooms, one with a bathtub that looked big enough to swim in, a jacuzzi outside, and a games room.’

Viktor stayed in the hallway, his mouth open in shock. ‘Jayce, this is too much.’

‘It’s one night. Something we’ve never done before. Let me spoil you, please?’

Viktor pressed his mouth into a tight little line, and for a second Jayce is worried he’ll say no. But then Viktor nodded. ‘For one night.’

They ordered room service, and they get lobster and steak, because they can. And then they eat on this overly plush couch in a living room that looked out over Piltover downtown.

‘Did you know that lobster used to be a poor person food?’ Viktor said. ‘And then when refrigeration became a thing, they outpriced it, only rich people get it. Or, some poor people who have managed to stumble themselves into wealth.’ He smiled at Jayce, before taking a bite of lobster.

They went on a leisurely drive to the cinema – a truly beautiful building, a relic of older times. They ordered popcorn, and Jayce noticed a few looks and doubletakes from people. He’d developed a kind of tactic, of looking around boldly, not like he was hiding, but making sure his eyes didn’t land on anyone in particular. It was a method that seemed to be working on him, it made people uncertain of themselves. They got their large popcorn, with Viktor’s beloved Pepsi Max (Jayce had started drinking it too, somehow), and found their seats early – despite being a historic building, they had wheelchair seats, so Viktor just locked in, and Jayce took his seat next to him.

‘Do they have subtitles for this?’ Viktor asked, already whispering.

Jayce shook his head. ‘No, but we know this movie inside out,’ he said, trying to reassure Viktor, so he wouldn’t frown.

In college, when they got kicked out of the lab for staying too long past hours, or they were both struggling from insomnia, they would go to this late night cinema that ran movies all night. They were almost all horror movies, all of them old. Viktor loved them. Really fucking loved them. Jayce didn’t really care for them, he’d never watched those movies before. But Viktor loved them.

‘Did you know that Dawn of the Dead was filmed in a mall that was owned by Romero’s friend, but they could only film in the off hours, so they were having to pull down their set design at the end of the night?’

Jayce loved his little facts. He learned something new every time he watched movies with Viktor. He tried to sneak looks towards him, while they watched. There was one moment about forty minutes in, that Viktor was playing with his lip, his eyes wide as he watched the screen, that Jayce knew he was completely, irrevocably, totally Fucked. He loved Viktor. He loved him so much it actually hurt his heart. He could ignore it, most of the time. He loved spending time with Viktor, he adored living with him – it was like a sleepover that never ended. And fucking him? It was great. Jayce was a physical lover, so to have an excuse to touch him, fondle him, make him come, it was all beautiful. But he wanted to lay next to him, tell him he was in love with him, that he loved every part of him.

He could bury it. He had to bury it.

Because what else could he do? Telling Viktor would mean they would have to separate. Viktor wouldn’t live in the same house as him – he would require distance. And that would mean that Viktor would go into labour alone. They would raise Baby Hextech, as they were calling him now, separately. Jayce would maybe have a week with his son, and he would be alone, dealing with a newborn. This child that they made together – the most perfect piece of the two of them together – it would be the last piece Jayce would have of him.

So he had to bury it. Bury it deep.

He barely noticed the rest of the film. Just tried to make the panic go away.

They stayed through the credits, Jayce trying to pull himself back into his reality. And then the lights came up, and he was blinking, and Viktor latched on to his arm and was talking. ‘I’m so glad I finally got to see it on a big screen!’ And Jayce smiled, and talked back, hoping he was talking normal.

They were talking about what they were going to do when they got back to the hotel, Viktor was really excited about testing out the beds, when he stopped, and turned. Jayce didn’t know what he was looking at. So he was confused, until he realised there was someone at Viktor’s side. A young person, fresh faced, with that aura of awkwardness he was sure he just oozed in middle school.

Jayce kind of tuned in partway through.

‘I don’t know – I know you probably get it all the time. You’ve done a lot for queer people in STEM. Your work in programming has been… so inspiring. I didn’t know – I can’t believe that I even saw you tonight!’

Viktor was kind of frozen. It was Jayce’s impulse to step in, but really, there was no call for it. It wasn’t completely unusual, for this to happen. Jayce understood, really. Viktor wore his queerness on his sleeve. He was unapologetic and, fierce about it. He brushed off prejudice like it didn’t even touch him. He outclassed awkward bigots like he did it for a living. One moment during one of the rare panels he attended, a fellow panellist had gone on a bizarre, long rant about forced corporate diversity. It had been awkward, and Jayce was getting prepared to scold him, when Viktor had just snorted. He was half reclined on the sofa on stage, one hand playing with his hair. He brought his microphone up to his mouth. ‘It feels like you think about gay people more than I do,’ he quipped, and then cleared his throat, and went back to the point they had previously been discussing.

No one asked Jayce what he thought about it. Nobody even knew he was bisexual. He knew he came across as hetero, masc. He’d come to terms with it. But it killed him a little bit inside, to not have it recognised about him.

One time, he ate shit as a kid and split his eyebrow open. As a form of queer expression, he shaved out the rest of the slit to look a little bit more bi.

Nobody noticed.

It did hurt, internally. Jayce knew he got treated better than Viktor, partially because of it. But he wanted his community. He wanted to be known.

Viktor finished speaking with the teenager, who bounced off to a waiting parent, who smiled back at them, thankful for them to have been kind.

When they get back to the hotel, Viktor zoomed off, calling that he needed to pee desperately.

Jayce took his jacket off, and then went to the main bathroom, the one that had the huge bath tub that could comfortably fit about four people in them. He started running the water, nice and hot, putting in the bath foam. The thing with having a partner who used a wheelchair, was that they approached very silently. Add that to not having the best hearing anyway, was that Viktor had a habit of just appearing in his side view.

He had his hair up now, the white sections visible. Viktor smiled at him. ‘You know, I think this hotel suite must be for orgies. The amount of beds… the large jacuzzi, this bathtub. I think this suite is for group sex,’ Viktor said, brushing his hand through the hot water.

Jayce smiled. ‘Well. What a shame we didn’t fully embrace that.’

‘Eh, I don’t think I wish to get an STI while this pregnant,’ Viktor said. He looked up. ‘Do you want to bathe together? It’s big enough for both of us.’

They got undressed individually, Viktor slipping into the water first. He sighed immediately. ‘It feels so nice for the weight to lift just a little,’ he said, leaning back.

Jayce smiled, before sliding into the water, he kept his knees up, afraid to nudge him.

‘When he’s born, you’re going to be the one carrying him everywhere for at least nine months.’ He wriggled down, eyes opening. ‘Put your legs down the side, I’ll put mine over yours.’ They eased out together, both laying back, comfortable.

‘It’s been… just having time away. I forgot what it’s like, to… not work.’ Viktor huffed. ‘Maybe paternity leave will be nice. Until… well, until I have to do twelve hours of labour, pushing a baby out, and then we are never alone for the rest of our lives.’

Jayce tilted his head. ‘You nervous?’ he asked. Viktor said nothing. ‘Hell, I’m nervous, and I’m not the one who has to do all the pushing and the delivering.’

Viktor leaned his head back, sighing. ‘I’m not really that nervous about labour and delivery. It’s going to happen, and I have no illusions that it will be nice, but… I know pain. I manage pain. I am good with pain. It’s the…’ he swallowed. ‘I worry about what kind of parent I will be. I don’t want to lose myself to just being a parent. I don’t want to lose myself.’

It made a lot of sense. Jayce put a hand down, rubbing Viktor’s leg, ‘If I find you getting too obsessed with being a dad, I’ll pull you out, give you a plane ticket anywhere you want, and look after baby Hextech by myself for a while.’

Viktor pushed his leg into his hand smiling. ‘Promise me?’

‘I promise.’

When they started kissing, they couldn’t stop.

‘I don’t have condoms in the bathroom,’ he whispered, his hands grabbing at Viktor’s little thighs.

‘Mm. It’s water, it’ll help wash it out,’ Viktor muttered, his hands brushing through the hair on the back of his head. It drove Jayce crazy. He let go of his thighs, before grabbing himself, to line up with Viktor. He pushed in, and Viktor made that little whining noise he always did. It made Jayce push harder. There was the splashing of the water, as he rutted against him. Jayce leaned down, pressing his lips against his neck, suckling at him. The sound of Viktor’s whining was beautiful. He loved him, he fucking loved him.

It didn’t take Jayce long to finish. He huffed, catching his breath. Viktor’s hands were still rubbing through Jayce’s hair.

He paused.

‘You wore your hearing aids in the bath?’ he asked, drawing his breath.

‘How else was I meant to hear you?’ Jayce laughed, kissing his neck. ‘I’ve nearly ruined a pair by forgetting them in the shower, it’s fine. They’ve lived through worse.’

They got out of the bath, Jayce helping Viktor, before depositing him on the bed.

Viktor frowned, when Jayce pulled away. ‘You didn’t finish,’ Jayce replied, pulling his legs apart, pulling one over his shoulder.

Chapter Text

Viktor dreamt of Jayce’s body. The muscles, rippling under his skin. He remembered seeing it as a student. He liked it more now, with that extra layer of fat, now he didn’t wax so much.

Viktor didn’t know if he was envious or aroused by it more.

‘I want to tell you something, before you go in,’ Jinx said, brushing her hand other her long braid. She was sat on the steps of her family house, waiting for Viktor to show up.

He’d decided to take Jinx up on her offer of meeting her step-father (foster-father? Just… father?), and get to talk to another man who had delivered a baby. It meant giving up one of his precious Sundays, but it promised to be worth it.

‘Oh yes?’ Viktor asked, internally sighing at the front steps. He was expecting something about the eccentricities of the house, maybe an apology about the front steps.

‘My dad is… how would you say it? He’s not exactly like you and Talis. He’s got a couple of charges of assault, he’s a recovering drug dealer. He doesn’t take prisoners, you know. So if he tells you to eat shit… that’s just how he talks.’

Viktor quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing.

 ‘And also, just so you don’t freak out, or whatever – he has a… jeez, what’s it called? His face…’

‘Facial disfigurement?’ Viktor prompted.

‘Yeah! His face is fucked. So don’t stare at it.’

‘Jinx,’ he chided, already used to this.

‘What? It’s how he describes it!’

Viktor smiled despite himself, and leaned heavily on his crutches to get up the steps. He knew vaguely that Jinx had grown up in a bar of some description – her house was right next to it, and she unlocked the door for him, dangling on her keychain was a weird little monkey.

The house was warm, and there was the sound and smell of cooking. After the hallway, it opened into a kitchen. ‘Dad! Papa! My boss is here!’

‘In here, J.P,’ a deep voice called. ‘Just finishing making breakfast.’

They turned into the kitchen – it was, what Jayce would politely say was “well lived in”, but could also be described as messy.  There were a couple of boys sat at the countertop, and quite possibly the largest man Viktor had ever seen, wearing a little pink apron, standing at the stove. He figured the boys – young men, really – must be the twins that Jinx’s father had given birth to. One of them looked him up and down, noticed he was pregnant, and sighed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re here to ask him for the advice on child-rearing, it’s a miracle this guy got all four of his kids to adulthood.’

‘That’s a very rude way to talk about the person who gave you life, Mylo,’ came the call from the kitchen table: a man sat there with the newspaper in front of him.

Mylo tutted, rolling his eyes. ‘You did that twenty-six years ago, dude, get a new line!’

‘I did that twenty-six years ago and yet I still don’t see you moving out.’

Viktor cleared his throat. ‘Jinx invited me to talk to another man who had an experiences with pregnancy and labour.’

The other boy took a bite of his toast. ‘And Silco is the only person you could come up with? Poor you.’

The first kid, with the strange little moustache, Mylo, turned back. ‘Like, seriously, dude, Silco smoked through his entire goddamn pregnancy with us. Don’t take his advice.’

‘And you are absolutely fine.’

The other guy snorted. ‘Oh yeah? I have ADHD and Mylo’s stupid, so what’s your excuse for that?’

‘That’s enough, boys,’ Silco said, getting up from the table. He stood up, and Viktor finally got a look at the man. Rail-thin, somewhat similar to Viktor, really – if his spine actually went up straight. One side of his face was scarred up pretty badly – and in the middle of it was a black eye. That did take Viktor back a bit. The man noticed, and touched his face gently. ‘Oh, my kids got me a selection of “fun eyes”, and Isha lost my realistic one, so this is the one I have right now.’

‘Of course.’

Jinx smiled. ‘I’m going to be with Isha, she has some homework to do, but call me if you need anything.’ She bounced up to her dad, and kissed him on the cheek, before going up the stairs.

‘You go through to the family room, I’ll be there in a minute, love,’ the big man huffed, his voice low, and gravelly.

‘Of course, thank you, V.’

It took Viktor by surprise, before he realised he was acknowledging the man at the stove, and not him. Huh, I guess we’re all not as unique as we think we are.

Viktor was relieved to actually sit down on a comfy sofa, albeit he wasn’t sure he could get up again independently. He’d have to call Jinx over to discreetly to help him up – she’d done that before for him in the lab.

‘Is there anything we can get you? I know it’s not very comfortable at the minute. How far along are you?’

‘No I’m fine, actually. And I’m six months.’

‘Mm. It’s not very fun from here on out, I’m afraid.’

‘Well, at least it’s better than having twins, probably.’

‘Oh, very definitely.’

The door opened, and it was the other man. ‘I’ve brought your tea, my love.’ He had a strong streak of grey in his hair and beard. He put it on the side of the table, kissing Silco’s cheek. Viktor saw some kind of similarities towards Jayce, when Jayce didn’t shave.

This other man turned to face him, and that’s when the similarities ended, really. ‘If you need anything, just shout. It’s lovely to meet you, having this job has been really incredible for Powder. I believe our Vi also knows your… partner? Nice to finally meet one of you. Good luck with your baby.’

Viktor watched the largest man he’d ever seen leave. When he turned back, Silco was watching him with an amusement. ‘Our best friend tells us that we missed a trick, and we would have made our fortune in size kink porn.’

Well, now that was an opener. Viktor shrugged. ‘I think maybe your best friend actually just wants to watch you two fuck.’

Silco laughed. ‘Maybe, maybe.’ He studied Viktor closely – and Viktor was used to it, so he let it happen. There was a focus when it came to men who needed to be on edge. He needed security, needed to know Viktor wasn’t a threat. He let him look. ‘When Jinx told me that she had a boss who may want advice on pregnancy, I have to admit I wasn’t thrilled.’ He crossed his legs. Viktor waiting for him to caveat that. But instead he moved on: ‘Where is your partner?’

‘He’s putting furniture together,’ Viktor said, and then wet his lips. ‘But he’s not my, my romantic partner. He’s my business partner.’

‘And your baby’s father.’ Silco smirked. ‘It’s alright. Vander and I weren’t together when we conceived the boys. We were fuck buddies, I think the term is for it.’

Viktor nodded – no one is ever truly unique, clearly. ‘When did you find out you were pregnant?’

Silco paused. ‘They gave me a pregnancy test at prison intake.’

He is trying to garner a reaction, Viktor thought vaguely. He thinks that I’m some rich, privileged person who is shocked by reality. Viktor kept his face steady. ‘Well, that can’t have been fun.’

‘No, it was strange. Luckily I was only doing three months, so I didn’t have to do the most uncomfortable parts in jail. But no, it wasn’t the ideal way to find out. Vander was so angry at me at the time he wouldn’t speak to me, so I had to relay the information through our friend Felicia.’

‘Did he speak to you after that?’

‘More or less.’ Silco rolled his shoulders. ‘We haven’t always been as close as we are now. It’s taken quite a while for us to work out our partnership, whether we… wanted to be together. Our sons rag us, about how we raised them in such a hellish complicated situation, only to become a nuclear family ready for our grandchild.’ He inspected his nails. ‘But, enough about me… you must have been curious about something, when you said you wanted to meet with me. What was it?’

Viktor worked his jaw. ‘For six months, I go to the maternity hospital, for my check ins. Every new technician or worker, will refer to me as Viktoria, or Mrs Talis. My coworkers have no idea what to say to me. My mother will send me messages about how happy she is to see her daughter settling down. And my friends are… very dear, and they never make me feel uncomfortable, but I am still acutely aware, of my difference.’

‘Surely you can find some kind of pregnancy group online now,’ Silco offered. Viktor tried to hide his amusement at the way he spoke of ‘online’ – a vague indication of the man’s age.

‘We don’t do online, Jayce and I are hoping to keep our son’s life fairly private. It means a lot, when you’re founder of a tech company.’

‘Ah, am I expected to sign an NDA after this chat?’

‘No, not quite. We just ask you not tell anyone.’

They stared at each other for a long moment.

‘Ask a question,’ Silco almost barked.

‘How did you cope with all the trips to the maternity hospital without wanting to rip the skin off your face afterwards?’

Silco smirked. ‘Realistically – there is nothing you can do, it’s about distraction. I was working a lot while pregnant. We did things afterwards to avoid the feeling. It’s like labour itself – it hurts, and it’s awful. I can’t tell you there’s a secret to making it feel amazing.’

‘How was your delivery? With the hospital?’

‘Oh, I didn’t deliver in the hospital. I had a home birth.’

‘With twins?’

‘Yeah, it was stupid, wasn’t it?’ He rolled his shoulders. ‘Vander helped, and our friend, Felicia. She is… was… Violet and Jinx’s mother.’ He cleared his throat. ‘And a nurse who was also queer, and thus, not like the rest of the ones at the maternity hospital. I hope things have moved on, twenty-six years on.’

Viktor nodded. ‘My midwife knows all the lingo. She was… very excited to talk about chestfeeding, she tried not to look disappointed when I told her that I’d had surgery, and we were going to be formula feeding him.’

Silco smirked. ‘Ah. Well. I think that’s a smart move.’

‘Did you chest-feed?’

‘I did. For a time. One word: mastitis.’

Viktor winced. ‘How was your delivery?’

‘Long. Claggor was a big baby, tore everything coming through. Mylo had an easier time of it, essentially just fell out of the hole his brother made.’

Viktor raised his eyebrows, hoping to erase that little image from his mind before he went into labour. ‘Claggor is a very interesting name.’

Silco sighed, leaning a head on his hand. ‘Yes. You give a child a beautiful name… a beautiful name, and then his older sister makes a dumb joke once, and nobody calls him by it anymore.’ He looked back at Viktor – his one working eye moving, the prosthetic staying straight ahead. ‘Do you have a name for your little… bundle of joy?’

People kept asking him that. Viktor hadn’t thought of names in a very long time, since choosing his own. When he came to America, he wanted to blend in, be like everyone else. His very Russian sounding name would never allow that. He was talking about it – monologuing, while stoned, to Mel and Jayce. Really, Jayce had tuned out – he knew it. He was staring up at the ceiling in a way that let Viktor know he was out cold. He assumed Mel had stopped listening, too. He sighed, just ready to wrap it all up again, push it back inside.

‘Can I tell you something?’

He almost jumped out of his skin, when she spoke.

Mel was some girl that Jayce had a crush on from the poli-sci classes he took for extra points. She was interesting, but it was clear Viktor was a third wheel. He understood that.

Until now.

‘Sure.’

She was lying on the couch, her legs in Jayce’s lap, but her eyes were boring into Viktor’s soul. ‘Today, as a… new immigrant to America, I understand why you want to be normal, to be like everybody here. But one day, you are going to make peace with your culture, what it means to you, who you are. And you will hate yourself for choosing a name like Jonathan, or Matthew.’ She almost sneered them. ‘Your culture isn’t something you can hide from. So fuck it, be Viktor, with a K, and be it loudly. Remind them that you exist, that you don’t disappear.’

It had made a loud, strong impression on him. And when he legally changed his name to Viktor Svetlitskiy, and Jayce threw a party, she wore an outfit that showed off her waist beads. They never spoke about it, but he knew she understood, in a way.

So his mind kept returning to this Russian names. Sasha, Ilya, Abram…

‘We have big choices to make, the baby has differing cultures.’

Silco nodded, and said nothing.

‘How was it? Sending the kids to school… with the other parents?’

Silco blew out a breath. ‘I couldn’t tell you, I was… absent, in the boys’ lives until they were almost teenagers.’ A pause. ‘What I can tell you about is it was very lonely, in the new parent’s club. All these new moms who aren’t quite like me, but are. And the dads who aren’t quite like me either, who my partner can relate to… but not me. But you learn to be lonely, don’t you? As a trans person, you learn that it’s you against the world.’

‘Until you find community.’

‘Well… the trans community is like this,’ Silco made a circle with his hands. ‘And the amount of trans men…’ the circle pulled in. ‘The amount of men who decide to be parents.’ The circle got smaller. ‘The ones who decide to get pregnant.’ Even smaller. ‘The amount in your area.’ It was a pinprick.

Viktor sat with the thought.

‘But, I will say this,’ Silco spoke up. ‘The feeling of holding your baby, of hearing their babbling… it makes it all worth it.’ It was a remarkably soft admission, from such a hard man. But it settled a little anxiety that lived at the back of Viktor’s brain – from all the rational fears that he knew Silco couldn’t really ever take away, it was the one piece of reassurance he wanted. That this very hard thing he was doing, that he was continuing to do, that it would be for a better purpose.

‘Can I come back, if I want to ask more questions?’

‘Sure.’

Viktor managed to push himself out of the chair, getting his arms into his crutches and pushing. As he moved through the house slowly, he noticed Jinx back in the kitchen, a little girl with a big mop of hair sat on the counter. They were talking, fast – their hands moving quickly, their faces emotive. They were deep in conversation, so they didn’t notice it, but Viktor did – of Vander, leaning on the counter, watching them fondly.

‘So how did it go?’ Jayce asked. He had a heated pad against his knee as he sat down – making all the baby furniture was rough, and Viktor felt sorry for him. Crib, bassinet, and changing table all assembled and in place, his next project was wrestling with the baby stroller – about adapting it for Viktor, he had it in their garage-turned-workshop.

‘I think, looking at the timelines, we absolutely bought drugs from Jinx’s father when we were in college,’ Viktor said, instead of actually telling him about it. It was something he had been thinking about it since he saw the man’s face, where he could place him.

And it was easier than saying that the conversation wasn’t exactly comforting, so much as solidifying on things that Viktor had thought. He cared little for the empty platitudes people had offered him – that everything was going to sort itself out. Silco had offered him a reality: one that was imperfect, but something solid. And in a way, evidence that it could be done was all the assurance he had needed, to reassure him:

It was going to be hard, but it was going to be okay.