Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Kai, I’m not gonna replace you," Damon clarifies his stance from the kitchen island, "I’m simply thinking about adding another member to our family," 

“Dude, we’re not even married yet!”

"Yet.”

Kai puffs out his cheeks and turns around. Not if Kai couldn't rent out a huge boat and have the wedding in Hawaii on the open ocean. But Damon was like ‘Kai, that’s expensive!’ like what the hell is the use of a wedding if you don’t spend glorious amounts on it making it as excessive as possible? It’s gonna be HIS day to show off Damon, and they’re sure as hell not just going to the judge and getting it done in five seconds!

He taps the wooden spoon on the edge of the carbonara sauce he just made, “Is this your cute little way of saying you want kids?” 

Damon pauses suspiciously here.

Kai spins back around, “Wait, for real?!”

“Not human kids…” Ah. Oh boy, he’s hung up on this again. Kai didn’t realise it would be such a huge problem when he initially packed his bags and flew over here, but life found a way.

“I’m still allergic to cats?” The blond crosses his arms with measured calmness.

“We will find one.” Well, no… they’d already done the whole ‘let’s go to every shelter and see what cat you don’t react to’ thing. It had just ended with a trip to the emergency room.

Kai was… very allergic.

“So you’re replacing me,” Kai says, turning off the heat and pouring pasta sauce into the pasta dish. Damon stands there like a menace.

“You won’t die. I found another non-allergenic variety.”

“Look, I’ll check it out, but I’m really not holding my breath here,” He kisses Damon on the forehead on the way to put the pasta on the kitchen table, “You might have to get obsessed with something else cute and fluffy.”

“Like what?” Damon says, and then Kai has an idea.

“What the hell is that.”

“What?” Kai can’t hold back a grin. Damon reaches out an arm and he ducks under it.

“Take those off.”

“Why? I thought you wanted a cat.” A conflicted expression breaks over Damon’s face.

“Kai… I want an actual cat. Don’t degrade yourself like this.”

An offended gasp, “Seriously?! You haven’t even heard my meow yet!”

“No– don’t–” Damon rakes his hands over his face as Kai gives a low, guttural and slightly sensual meow.

“...Cats don’t even sound like that...”

“They do now.” Kai sits next to Damon on the bed, grabbing his hand before he can remove Kai’s cat ears again, holding it steady in a romantic embrace, “You just don’t want to admit I’m catboy material.”

“Where did you even get those?”

“Oh, do you want some?” 

Damon rolls his eyes and goes to lean back on the headboard of the bed. He grabs a book from the bedside table, flicking on the lamp and sitting back. Kai's still talking, "Hey, I don’t judge. Who’s to say you can’t be the catboy in the relationship?”

“Look at yourself. Out of the both of us, you’re 100% the catboy,” Damon says with finality. The rebuttal only makes Kai fall back onto the bed, hand on his heart like he's being psychically attacked. 

By love.

“Awwwww!” Damon presses his eyes shut at his once-obnoxious, now-endearing voice, “You truly accept me..." A sniff, "For who I am?”

Damon almost slaps his book shut, “Are you seriously suggesting this as an alternative to a cat? A living, breathing, animal, Kai.”

“Hey, I’m one of those too.”

“No, like– cats are like–” Damon suddenly sets his jaw and becomes engrossed in his book again. Kai crawls closer.

“Cats are like what, Damon?” Kai gave a slow smile, “Be honest… I totally pass the job requirements.” 

“What, pissing all over the furniture and ripping apart the curtains?” 

“Well hang on, I thought you said the cat wouldn’t do that–”

“Eating raw chicken? Getting neutered?”

“Kind of a kinky way to suggest a vasectomy, but–” Kai dodges out of the way of Damon’s flailing hand. He misses the cat ears by a mile.

Damon slaps the book shut. “That’s it, come over here.”

Kai’s first inclination is to go ‘nope’, but then he has an idea, “Okay.” And snuggles right up to Damon, hugging over his arms so he can’t reach up and remove the cat ears. When Damon tries to take them off, he adds a leg.

Damon grumbles.

Kai nuzzles into the warmth between his neck and shoulder, peacefully sighing. 

Then he starts playing with Damon’s hair. Damon relaxes, running a hand up Kai’s back. They chill there for a few minutes, lazy scuffle put on hold for now, before Kai gasps out of nowhere.

“No, I get it!” He sits up, hands still in Damon’s hair. The blond looks up with a confused expression, “No wonder you’re so against this!”

“Yeah, it’s hardly effectiv–”

“--You’re actually the catboy!” Kai says it like he’s having a eureka moment, “Look, you like pets–” 

“Shut up.”

“And you want cuddles, and attention, and you love me.” 

Damon’s face begins to turn an interesting shade of red, “That’s not how it works.”

Kai reverently takes off his cat ears, “Y’know, no wonder you were trying to grab these so much–”

“Kai,” Damon says, catching his attention, “I know you just want to see me in cat ears. And the answer to that is no.”

Never in a million fucking years.

Damon wakes up to Kai chuckling under his breath. He bats off the cat ears and arises from the depths of hell.

“Delete it.”

“What? My phone’s dead.” That’s impossible.

“Give me your phone. Where is it?” He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet, but Damon’s hand still hits the edge of something plastic under the pillows. He snaps his eyes open.

“Hey–!”

Kai goes for his hand, but Damon holds the phone above his head.

“Delete it.” Arms reach out, but they’re easily dodged.

“I didn’t even take any pictures yet!” The lock screen brightens the room as he says this. Damon quirks an eyebrow, “Put them back on, come on, pretty please?”

“No.” He tosses the phone to the beanbag on the other side of the room. It clatters on the wall and hits the shelf on the way down.

Kai jolts, dashing after it. Damon rubs his eyes awake to see Kai cradling the phone like he’s checking his baby is still alive, “Hey– what would you do if you broke it?!”

That’s impossible. Kai has at least three, and the cases on them could handle getting hit by traffic.

He knows, because he did it by accident one time.

“Try the Toyota next,” Damon mutters, looking around for the cat ears so he can at least remove them from the immediate premises. 

…God damn it, Kai’s already holding them.

“You know… I think I need an apology,” The hand holding the ears lifts nefariously.

Damon stumbles out of bed, almost tripping on the bedside table. He leans a hand on the wall and blinks himself awake, “...Just… let me wake up.”

A pause.

“Okay, now I feel a little bad,” Kai walks up to him, hands behind his back, “Morning.” 

“Morning…?” A kiss. 

Something’s touching his hair.

Damon grabs the ears and plonks them down on a grinning Kai.

Chapter Text

Kai claps his hands together, a smile breaking over him, “This is the best thing.”

Damon peers back, the stupid blond cat ears sitting on his head. One flicks. Of course Kai had to whittle down his remaining sanity and then shell out a ridiculous amount of money for these.

Because Kai didn’t get old school cosplay ones this time, no, he got the actual hi-tech ones. Apparently there’s a few influencers who are pretty famous for wearing them or whatever, and they have a brand deal Kai got in on, Damon doesn’t know the details.

Point is, these cat ears can move around on their own. And sticking on these patches that come with it, it’s possible to feel sensations through the device. It’s that AR touch technology stuff, yeah, the stuff they use for medical research into prosthetics? They put that into the freaking cat ears.

The priorities of some people, honestly…

And of course there’s a cat tail, too– connected to a soft belt-like attachment wrapped around his middle. It can twitch and move like the ears can, and it connects to an app… but Damon couldn’t be bothered downloading it.

Kai messes around on his phone. He cackles when he figures out how to make the tail snap in annoyance, “Oh, this is so you.”

“Having fun?”

Kai leans back on the couch, “Yep!” Must he act like it is christmas fucking morning? It's literally just an oddly-realistic prosthetic decoration. Faintly, he can hear the sound of gears moving, the feeling of something hovering on top of his head. Damon takes up his lap so he can see what Kai's doing on his phone.

Kai smiles and touches one, and holy shit it’s weird. It’s like he literally gained a new limb, he didn’t know it would feel that real.

“It doesn’t hurt, yeah?”

“It’s… comfortable,” It’s just… what the hell? It’s as if he wasn’t wearing any of this at all, except he just has… an extra pair of ears… it blends seamlessly, “What the hell is this technology?”

“Oh yeah, forgot to tell you,” Now what.

“I have a friend who is also into this stuff–” Damon never stated that he was into it, “--And he managed to kinda rework the device to make it more realistic, he gave me the code for it, and I just copy-pasted it in, so yeah.” A hand ruffles his ear.

It just… feels the same as the rest of his head. Totally the same.

“So it’s not like this out of the box,” That was almost a relief.

“Nope.” He reaches for the tail.

As he trails a hand up it, a shudder breaks over Damon. He flinches.

“You okay?” Kai’s hand stops.

Damon breathes out slowly, getting his bearings. He looks up at Kai, “What did that code do, exactly?”

“Uhh…” Kai’s eyes widen, “I’m not like, a programmer, so…” He touches again. Damon’s hips roll on Kai's thigh. Fuck. Shit. Why did he do that.

Kai’s looking at him. Damon goes a vibrant red.

“More?” A hand trails up his tail again. Damon chokes out a sound.

“Hm… what’s that connected to?”

“Shut up.”

A smirk, “I don’t think tails feel like that.”

“I know!” A touch. His hips jolt, “Fix it already.”

“You don’t want it?”

“No!”

Thirty minutes later, and the tail is fixed. Damon mentally curses out whichever friend Kai got this code from. Now it just feels like an extension of his spine… instead of that.

“I still think it would have been fun to keep it,” Kai pouts.

“Put this on yourself and try it then,” Damon grumbles into his chest. Kai’s hand is curling around his tail, and now it feels calming, “It’s a complete overload.”

Kai hums, “So bro’s got death grip?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Damon replies, sighs into his chest, “I didn’t sign up for that.”

Kai’s hand stills, about to touch the ears again, “...So you signed up for this.” Damon groans again, a sound that cuts as soon as Kai ruffles his hair. Warmth skims with the softness, melting over his brain.

Damon was entirely unaffected by ASMR on any ordinary day, but this experience seemed similar enough to Kai's description of it. Within a few minutes, Kai's abandoned phone falls asleep. Another five minutes, and then Damon's falling asleep. But he'll stay awake, obviously. It's only three in the afternoon.

...

...

...

Four hours later, Damon wakes up. The credits are rolling to some movie he's never seen, Kai is conked out on the couch, there's a blanket over his shoulders and a hand in his hair. Damon blinks, feeling a little annoyed for some reason. His arms are dead, so he goes to stretch, inadvertently tilting his head to the side. Kai's hand wakes up slightly and scratches him behind the ear again. Damon's eyes slip shut.

...

...

After that fatal error, it’s obvious that Kai wants a catboy boyfriend, and now that he got the idea in his head he’s not letting it go. He keeps talking about it as if 'catboy' were an actual category of significant other. How ridiculous.

Catboys didn't even exist. Damon maintains that if Kai spent half as much on allergy medication, they could have a cat by now. A real one, which didn't have a job and adult responsibilities.

“Please?” Kai begs as Damon tries to find that stupid academic reference he lost in a sea of desktop folders. He didn't rename the download to the title of the journal article, and now he's paying for it, “For like, 10 minutes–”

“--We both know it’s not gonna be 10 minutes–”

“--I’m having withdrawals, Damon!”

“Not my problem." He had actual things to get done today, which did not involve impromptu napping.

Kai’s cheeks puff up.

Two days later, they’re getting ready for bed. Kai floats the idea again.

“For sleeping?” Damon peers at him. Across the bed, Kai is nodding rapidly, “I’m pretty sure I can’t sleep in them.” 

“Didn’t you say they were comfortable?” Fuck, he did say that, didn’t he?

Damon raises an eyebrow at him. “Are we actually going to fall asleep?” Kai shrugs.

Ten minutes later, Damon’s leaned up under his arm, Kai's elbow behind his head. To be honest, he can almost forget that the ears and tail are even there. Kai switches off the desk lamp and turns on his side towards him. A soft hand runs under his chin up to his hair, gently pressing tips of the ears. A part of Damon's brain goes quiet.

All of a sudden, he's distinctly aware of his body, and how close Kai is. A hand runs through his hair, behind his head, and Damon leans up. Just a little closer.

Kai leans down to kiss, and Damon lets himself be captured.

Sun breaks over the floor.

…

It's the next morning. Damon blinks as he looks at himself in the mirror. Okay, sue him, he never really got a good look before now. But… what the hell?

Everything looks realistic. It all looks genuinely realistic. Even when he steps closer and finds the seam between the ears and his hair. Even the colour matches up perfectly. It's not that cheap yellowish blonde, or too pale-- it's just the right colour. How was that possible--

"Hey, can I have a lock of your hair?" Kai is holding an envelope and tiny scissors. He looks remarkably fresh, while Damon is running on four hours of sleep.

"Why."

"It's for a surprise," Kai grins.

...Valentines day's coming up soon, so Damon guesses it's got something to do with that. But, it could definitely be for one of his videos, too. Maybe one of those romantic trend videos... like putting hair in a locket, lighting candles on the beach around it, and mailing it to a dating company with good sponsorship rates. Damon idly wonders if Kai is starting some romantic tiktok trend... Intercepting the mail would be simple... But what would be the end goal? Getting the DNA of ten million people? Mass identity fraud...?  "I don't care."

"Great!" And then he snips off his fucking ahoge.

Two weeks. It took two weeks for his ahoge to return. 

Damon spins around in a slow circle, watching the tail trail behind him in the mirror. Just how fucking much did he spend on this...?

“I know, Damon. You’re beautiful.” Damon gives a dry look in Kai’s direction. Messy hair. He’s just woken up, clearly. Damon takes a step towards him, “Pretty kitty.”

“Okay, I’m taking this off,” He goes to take off the belt.

“Nonono! I take it back! I take it back!”

“You’re putting this on, Kai! The one into this is obviously you!”

“It doesn’t match with my hair!” So he’s not even denying it?

“I don’t care, just put it on.”

Another 10 minutes later, and Kai is sitting on the bed like he’s afraid if he moves, the cat ears and tail will shatter into a million pieces.  

“You’re the catboy,” Damon states seriously. He then quickly reminds himself that catboys don't exist. Because catboys don't exist, there is no risk of becoming one, "To clarify, you are the one engaged in catboy behavior."

“That’s not how it works,” Damon touches a cat ear. Kai goes red, “It’s not how it works,” He repeats again.

“When you see a cat, you literally meow,” Damon contests, petting his head, “Like it’s your brethren.”

“E-everyone does that!”

“I don’t.”

“No, but–” Kai stops himself so Damon doesn’t become self-conscious and stops saying ‘neko’ at cats because Kai doesn’t want him to stop doing that, “Y-you're the one that wants a cat! Wanting something to snuggle up with-- that's basically the most catboy thing ever!!"

Damon pauses playing with Kai's cat ears. 

“You’re lucky I like you,” He continues patting Kai’s head. Kai huffs and obnoxiously leans into the touch. He's a lot less shy than Damon, that's for sure. It almost makes him feel jealous.

"Uh, I sure hope you do. We're engaged," In catboy behavior Damon's words return to him, dealing unseen damage to his psyche. Kai presses his face into his stomach. The tail swishes behind him, and before he can stop himself, Damon wonders what it would look like pink, or black.

No, I want a real cat.

Kai wraps his arms around Damon's middle, making a pleased sigh. The tail skims the bed sheets again, almost like it's wagging. Another idea entirely enters Damon's mind, and he has to press a finger to his temple to center himself. Maybe those ears also caused brain damage.

The influencer catches his stomach tensing, "What's up?"

"..."

"..."

Damon pats his head.

Chapter Text

The whole incident began in the most unexpected place. A cute little coffee shop that sold tea and cake. Apparently the slices went viral online for being bear-themed.

Damon had just arrived outside, slipping under the shade to get out from the rain. He sat at the outdoor seating area, taking out his phone again. Was he at the right place.

Kai: YOU NEED TO COME PICK ME UP I NEED AN EXCUTESE Please fuck Damon

PLEANSK

Damon: I have arrived.

The blond took a cursory look around but Kai definitely wasn't waiting outside the door. The entrance window was blocked by an army of posters. He wouldn't have to go inside to fetch him... would he?

Usually he wouldn't care about that. But Kai was meeting some online friends today for the first time in this very coffee shop. Including the very friend that had created the code.

Damon was determined not to meet this person, ever. They might ask about the cat ears and tail. Kai sucked at lying. The truth might come out. He had to prevent this probability, however slight, from ever occurring.

Kai: GO BACK TO THE CAR

Damon raised an eyebrow at the text. The door jangled with a new exit. Damon looked up.

Some pink girl. Well, the girl wasn't pink, but her dress was. Not that Damon could see much with the bondage gear over the top. Was this really what was in style nowadays? Messy blond hair bled into a glare.

"You enjoy staring at my tits, fucker? You getting off on this shit?" She stalked towards him and Damon almost dropped his phone. Then she gasped, recognition over her face, "Oh, fuck! Wait!!" She pointed at him, "You're that cute little boy toy!!"

The WHAT?

"Excuse me? What the fuck are you?" Damon glared in alarm.

She made a pornographic sound effect, "Ngh!! S-slut meets slut?!"

Damon scampered over the Cafe chairs to exit without thinking. The door jingled again as he was about to cross the road.

"Damon? Wait for me!!" Kai was running after him. Damon felt mild relief that he had been waiting at the right place. That tight freaky pink bitch was here, after all.

Damon opened his umbrella. Kai came up close to him, whispering under his breath, "Can we go? I think one's a serial killer."

"Oi!!"

"Oh, yeah," Kai gestured behind him, "Miu, too. Girl, we gotta block him. Let's go already," he took Damon's hand, and the debater had to double glance behind him. At first it was just to verify his reality. Then on the second glance he caught the shadow of a tall figure staring at them through the cafe shop window.

Just his eyes.

Miu came up to them, aheago umbrella.

Damon clicked his tongue, Kai definitely forgot his umbrella in there, and it'd be his problem later, "What's your address?"

"80/08 Boob street."

"Okay, that's close." The girl-- Miu-- looked at him like an amusing instrument.

"Babes, he's shorter than you!"

Kai perked up, "I know!" Damon had to get out of here. He picked up the pace.

Those two picked up the conversation from where it had apparently left off on some heavily R-18 topic. Damon recognised about 40% of the vocabulary. He wasn't fully convinced they weren't just pulling words out of the air, and also sex acts. And... what were those, characters? Was this like D&D? He knew what that was, Jean explained it to him. Yet his brow furrowed more the conversation went.

...What the hell was 'eight oh three'? Actually, he didn't want to know. Did he? Epsilion, omegatron, necronomicon... Shouldn't those two be more worried about the serial killer?

Of course he'd had to park a solid five minutes away. Curse this walkable city, ensuring he had a regular amount of daily exercise. At least the carpark was coming up now. Damon glanced behind him.

They were all clear, just one guy had clearly forgotten his umbrella. Just strolling a ways behind them.

"Hey," Damon nudged Kai, "That's not your guy, right?" Kai turned and meeped.

"Oh, fuck!" Miu began running in a random direction.

"The car is that way!!" Kai yelled after her, clutching his arm. Damon clicked to unlock the car, speedwalk initiating. Miu saw the car lights blink and changed trajectory.

"Can I go with y--"

"--Yeah, obviously!"

As soon as they slammed the car door shut, Damon saw a shadow in his periphery. He locked the doors, and then heard knocking on one of the windows.

"Huh?" He went to unlock it again, thinking he'd locked Miu out, but Kai clutched his hand. The creepy tall guy was knocking on Miu's window, shadowing over her.

"Nghh!" A sexual gasp.

"Aagh!" A freaked out noise in his ear.

"BEEEP!" Damon blared the horn, and the man turned to him slowly with a deadly stare. Damon gave him the finger.

"Damon!" Kai was slapping his elbow, trying to get him to stop, "Get going already!"

"He can't touch us," Damon leisurely started the car, going from park to drive. The car started rolling backwards, "He's in my way," He kept going, and the man stumbled out of the way just in time.

"Shoulda rolled him over," Miu snorted. She'd get on well with Grace.

Kai slapped his knee, "Oh, yeah! Damon, Miu's the coding guy I was telling you about!" The debater's hands imperceptibly tightened on the steering wheel. If this is about the cat ears again I swear to fucking go--

"Hey, do you want the buttplug?"

"I'm not into it." The cat keychain dangled from the rear-view mirror as they went over the speed bumps. Kai sat back in his chair, tone conversational.

"Not into what, Damon?"

She guffawed. Shit, was that the guy chasing after them? Damon exited the roundabout.

"I wasn't talking to you, you dumbass! Shit! Just what I'd expect from the Ultimate Masterbater!" She then died.

"...Kai," Damon glanced to his side, trying to put on a united front but also severely on the brink due to several factors, "What exactly did you say to her?"

"Uh, that you like cats?"

Damon looked behind him. Oh, good, they'd lost the guy, "That's an invasion of privacy. You seriously told her about the--"

"No, no," Kai waved his hand, "That's what you're doing right now. The rest is just her imagination filling in the gaps. She also thinks that we're both a throuple." Miu was tapping in her phone and making the little sound effects herself.

Damon's eyes furrowed, eyes on the road. He swallowed.

"...With who?"

They were coming up on Boob street, and Kai had just finished explaining the legion of fans that apparently 'shipped' them with that Olympic athlete, when Miu scrambled to a seat, "Fuck, this is my place!" She got out of the car.

Damon felt as if he'd had a brush with hell, "...You're welcome."

"My umbrella!" Kai realised, twisting around in the seat, "Did I leave it there? Aww..." Damon sighed and mentally prepared himself for the trip back.

"D'ya want one of mine?" Miu answered. She still hadn't closed the door, "I've got this piece of shit that blocks security cameras and phone pics--"

"For real?!"

"YEP!"

Kai got out of the car, "Come on, Damon! Her house is amazing!"

"I'm waiting right here."

"Fine, fine. We'll be two minutes!" A slam of the car door.

Damon crossed his arms and waited.

...

And waited.

...

And waited.

...

...Okay, it had been a solid 20 minutes. Were they going to leave soon or...? Grumbling, he got out of the car and went up to the front gate. Knocked on the front door.

"Kai? You done yet?" There were little gnomes all in the front yard.

"Hello?" Sexy ones.

He knocked and the front door squeaked open, lock fully unlatched. There were no noises coming from inside the house. Within, it was dark and mysterious.

Damon took off his shoes and went inside. Normal hallway, which was a good sign. Small chandelier on the ceiling made of forks. Slightly less normal, but still nothing peculiar.

He found Kai in the kitchen, hunched over what looked like a rice cooker. The umbrella was nowhere to be seen.

"Are you done yet?"

"Waagh!" The rice cooker toppled to the floor, and several buttons lit up at once, "Don't scare me like that!" A fire alarm sounded, and the rice cooker began to smoke.

"You're taking too long," Damon blinked. His vision was going slightly fuzzy.

"Oh, sorry, I was just... checking the..." Kai leant on the table, clutching his head. With alarm Damon noted that the air had become thick with the smell of chemicals.

"What did you..." The room tipped sideways. His knees collapsed.

Damon blacked out.

....

....

....

This was the worst headache in the world.

....

"Oh, fuck!!!"

Miu's exclamation of shock was not helping. The siren had cut out at least, leaving only the hissing smell of smoke.

Footsteps ran up to them, and Damon was tugged by his coat up to her face.

"Bitch are you dead?!" He glared, "Oh my god," she dropped him to the floor. Ow, "Babes, your hair!!"

"Fuck... am I gonna have to re-dye it...?" Kai's voice came faintly behind him. Damon was suddenly overcome by a well of protectiveness. He ignored the throbbing headache in order to turn around to check Kai was okay.

"Kai, are you..."

"Mhh...?" Kai looked up from the kitchen floor and froze.

Damon was already caught in headlights.

"My baby!!" Miu ran up to the smoking collection of parts on the kitchen floor, "She's RUINED!!"

Two fuzzy black ears were on top of Kai's head. Damon's worry disintegrated into annoyance. He stood up, recovered with it, "Is this some kind of stupid prank?"

Kai gasped, "Oh, my god," It was as if what he'd just said went in one ear and out the other, "Miu, what did you do?" Kai seemed shocked and... in awe?

"That dumb blue bitch wanted a better cosplay for her furry convention. So I made the DNA-MODULATOR!!" Damon felt faint.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Something batted the back of his leg. Damon whipped around but no one was there. The front of his knee. Damon turned around again. It made his head spin.

"I was gonna sell it to the highest furry and make a KILLING!!!"

"Oh my god," Kai repeated from the floor.

"No, you're just trying to mess with us," Damon furrowed his brow, "DNA modulation is used in the treatment of cancers, not for adding," He glanced at Kai, "Cosplay ears to people. What, you resequenced the genome to develop additional limbs? That kind of scientific breakthrough is at least 50 years away--"

"Feh, it's just my beautiful golden brain!! After all, I'm the Ultimate Inventor!" She threw her hair back, strutting forward to swing around the mirror she had front and centre of the the room, "And your only way out of this mess!!"

Damon found himself reflected back. Just with... the cat ears and tail, "H-huh?!"

He felt a stab of betrayal, then scrambled to take off the belt. The tail flicked behind him. There was no belt. His hands were touching just his belly. There was no belt.

There was no belt.

"What the hell did you do!!!"

Kai gingerly stood up, tail wagging, "Woah."

And so, began the worst week of Damon's life. He had become a catboy against his will, and now had to handle all the terrible consequences. They had no idea how long it would take for Miu to fix the device at the time, and the future seemed truly dark.

Damon shut the car door, Miu's giant pink hoodie falling triangular over his head. Kai's bucket hat was doing absolutely nothing to hide the dog ears, "Come on, it's okay. She's the Ultimate Inventor. This won't be so bad!"

Damon put his forehead to the steering wheel and prayed for strength.

Chapter Text

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, Damon!" The dog tail started wagging, escaping the sticky tape and sending a bottle of shampoo to the floor, "Can you help me dye this?"

"I..." Damon held a hand to his temple, "Kai..."

After they'd arrived home, Damon just wanted some time alone. Then he'd awoken up from his nap with the horrid realisation that this was not a nightmare. Then walked into this, "How is this your first reaction?"

"Actually it's not, the first thing I tried was eating chocolate," Damon's heart just about stopped, "Which didn't do anything by the way. So that's safe. Then I made myself a salad just in case," Kai shrugged, "Then I ate raw chicken."

Damon provided an alarmed look.

"Yeah... don't do that," He gestured to the stuff he had laid out to dye his hair, "So now I wanna look cute."

"Did you text her?"

"She's working on it," Kai put the shampoo back where it was, "Come on, I need a hand."

Damon sighed and went to sit behind Kai, on the edge of the bathtub, "Give me the hair dye."

"This is just hair chalk, really," Kai held up some kind of pinkish mixture, which Damon took from him, "Paint it in and spray it with hairspray. No dye. I think if I try to keep this thing from moving for too long, I might actually go insane." Having dye splattered in all directions didn't seem wise, no.

The tip of the tail was white. Making that aspect pink seemed to be the plan, "So you want black roots?"

"Yep." The tail moved this way and that. Damon stared at it, zoning out... what the hell was his life right now? How was this physically possible-- well, he knew how, but, was he seriously about to just go about the rest of his day as if this was completely natural? Would Miu be able to find a fix for their situation? He didn't have any debate competitions on this week, but next week--

Kai looked over his shoulder, "Uhh, you good?" He took in Damon's current state and turned around more, "...Hey."

Damon looked up into Kai cupping his cheek.

"Listen, we'll be okay. I'm actually kind of excited!" The tail thudded on Damon's thigh.

"...I can tell."

"I dunno about you, but I'm not gonna treat you any way different," Kai's fingers tracing his jaw was relaxing, "I mean... you've gotta be in the right kind of mood for this sort of thing, I know that. And... we don't know how long it's gonna take. And... I know it's a lot. It's okay."

"..."

Damon's cheeks felt warm, and there was a lump in his throat.

Somehow, he'd said exactly what he needed to hear. He leaned forwards slightly, and Kai gave him a hug. He leant down to his heartbeat, feeling it thud. That feeling of peace.

...This, at the very least, hadn't changed at all.

Kai was still experimenting.

Damon frowned at the ping pong ball in his hand, "...You're just degrading yourself at this point."

"Hey, throwing it myself did nothing!" The ping pong ball landed on the couch behind him, "...Did you throw it yet?" Damon tossed another one, which hit the back window and slipped behind the couch, "Uh..." The third one bounced off Kai's head, "Damon, I don't think it's working."

"You're just lazy."

Kai's mouth dropped open in offence, which the fourth ping pong ball landed perfectly inside, "Blegh!" He coughed it out, "Ew, ew...!!" It dropped on the floor.

"I washed my hand."

"Damon... I don't wanna do this anymore..." So he'd seen the light.

"The whole change appears to be cosmetic. I don't know why you're accounting for... dog instinct with these experiments."

"How is this not instinctual?" Kai pointed to his dog tail, which was moving on its own, "And your ears move with your emotions, too," Damon felt something inside him freeze. He didn't know that. In fact, he'd been avoiding mirrors all day, "I just don't wanna get caught by surprise! What if we get a pet budgie and you accidentally... y'know..."

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I just wanna be prepared!"

"...Sure," Honestly, at this point Damon just wanted to end this madness, "Look, instinct makes no sense here. If it's a machine for cosplay, so even if it deals with DNA, it's likely just an additional ears and tail."

"Oh!" Kai pointed at Damon all of a sudden, "You're so smart!" Damon's ear flicked, "Man... so no prey drive... I need to think about my strategy..." For becoming a dog? How inane.

Damon simply couldn't see the point.

The sound of typing from across the room stopped suddenly, "Damon, do you think I'm maybe a wolf?"

"No."

"Hmmm..." Laptop out in front of him, legs crossed on the couch. Kai was on google images, "What kind of cat are you?"

"...Brown."

"I dunno, I'd say it's more cookies and caramel," Kai peered at him from where he was sitting, "Do a spin."

"No," Damon sipped his coffee from the kitchen, "I think you're a chihuahua."

"What?! No," Frantic typing on the keyboard, "No, no, no... No! Look, the tail, its curled, it's absolutely not me."

"Corgi."

"They don't have a tail!" Damn, they didn't?

"Poodle."

"You're just trying to annoy me..." Kai typed something up, and peered closely at the screen, "...Are you tabby?"

"What?"

"Tabby cat."

"..." He had no idea. He'd scrubbed yesterday's moment of horror from his memory and avoided all mirrors since. Still, the new colour definitely wasn't the same as the fake ones he'd worn before, "Does it matter?"

"Wh-- it totally does! Different cats have different personalities," The coffee clicked on the coaster, "Which I don't believe in! I just wanted to know, you're the cat expert!"

"..."

...At least he knew he wasn't orange. Small mercies.

But Kai went back to the laptop, talking to himself, "You can't be calico... huh... maybe a tortishell...?"

What. Is he serious?

"...But you've got these blonde spots on the back of your ear..." Something warm prickled up his neck, "Ice-cream tail," Ice-cream what? "I bet you're a tortishell. There's not much else it could be..." Kai drifted off into mutters again, elbow leant on his lap. Lips squished into his palm, and a focused gaze. Wispy black ears perked up in the laptop's direction, paying full attention.

Like an absolute dumbass.

"..." Damon couldn't believe he was hearing this shit, "Kai, calicos are tortishell. So, almost all of them are genetically female."

"Oh. So what are you?"

"It doesn't matter," Damon said as he went to go check for himself in the bathroom. Glared at himself in the mirror, moving the ears this way and that. Grabbed the tail to observe-- which felt like standing on one leg, then stalked off to find Kai and clear his current search results.

"Hey...!"

Damon typed on the laptop, bringing up the image of a typical tabby cat, "You didn't fucking recognise this?"

"No way...! You sure showed me!" Sarcasm. Damon clicked his tongue and went off to do dishes. As he was going along, Kai kept rattling off what had to be half a million dog breeds. He seemed to be going down some sort of list, instead of actually researching.

"If you're a pug, you haven't got long left," Kai smirked while Damon wiped down the kitchen counter, "Why are you so set on this? You know you're not."

"Come on, they're a little cute."

"That's not a factor, you're like a..." Damon was allergic to dogs. He really didn't know dogs, "German Shepard or something."

"Uh, I don't think so."

He was all stretched out on the couch now, and Damon was starting to clean random kitchen surfaces in order to cope. Last night, they hadn't exactly gotten very touchy. Well, Kai had no problems. But Damon really just wanted to go to sleep.

So now he was starting to deal with cravings on top of everything else.

Everything else, like having to call in to get a week off sick leave. He'd never done that... ever. Damon was completely out of his usual schedule and unable to even go outside. And there was Kai, all comfy like this was an ordinary Sunday afternoon. The sight was endearing and lightly annoying at the same time. He wanted to put his head on Kai's lap at watch the animals scroll by.

He could be doing it if not for the cat ears he literally had no way of taking off.

"Wait, I think I got it!" Kai perked up, then spun the laptop in his direction, "Border collie. Tell me that's not me." From a glance it actually seemed legit, so Damon walked up closer to get a better look. The dog had the exact same stupid ears.

"Yeah, that seems about right."

"Right?" Kai hugged his hips, and Damon let himself to be pulled into his lap, facing towards him. Kai kissed his forehead, "It's nice to see you home."

Damon chased his lips, relishing in that small note as he kissed him back.

They went on like that for a while, almost as if all could be forgotten but Kai, and then Damon dropped his head into his neck. He could suddenly feel the underside of Kai's chin though his ears, which felt... really weird. The hi-tech ones couldn't feel warmth the same way. Why the hell was he comparing them? He dropped his head further, and something floaty came over him. Kai chuckled.

Damon stopped moving for a second. The cravings came back, even stronger. He just wanted to feel warmth again.

Kai finally tugged the bottom of his shirt loose, hands sliding under it, raking over his back, and Damon breathed out in a slow sigh. Pressed kisses under Kai's jaw. He could stay here a while.

"..." Kai had a fluffy blanket? He could feel what must be static electricity, "...Um." The two tails were touching each other. Not bad, but a little weird? Definitely.

Kai grabbed his, stuffing it behind his back, "Okay, that's not on purpose..."

Damon pressed the top of his head under Kai's chin, feeling the warmth spread out between his ears. Kai's hands twitched, then hooked on his back again, "You wanna watch a movie?"

"..." His eyes slipped shut, "Not now."

Almost as if in response, fingers began to draw up and down his back. Damon sent his nose to his collarbone, and could feel the thudding of Kai's pulse over one ear. Warm.

Kai gently pulled out the rest of his dress shirt from his pants, then started unbuttoning. Damon pressed his forehead to Kai's shoulder. Then his ears. Not warm enough...

Huffing, he went to press his ears under Kai's jaw again. Warm... He could feel the soft vibration of words. From the tone, he could already see the twitch in the corner of Kai's lips, "...You alright there?"

"I'm fine," Damon looped his arms loosely around his head, taking his chest up closer, trying to get better leverege. He dropped his forehead, feeling warmth between his ears... inadvertently skimming Kai's lips. Headbutting.

What the fuck was he doing.

Damon sprang back all at once, hair a mess.

"You good?"

"Emails," Damon scrambled off him.

"Hey..." He could hear the picture of bemusement as he left, "You're off work!"

"You're not," with that retort, he shut the door, went to his desk, and internally screamed into his hands instead of answering emails.

The next time he emerged, Kai was following a tiktok dance in the middle of what looked like historical vacuuming. Such a sight was beyond normal at this point, so Damon migrated to the fridge. Then he paused what he was doing and looked back.

Was Kai... incorporating ears and tail movement into the dance...? It was oddly fluid. Here Damon was, having a quarter-life crisis, while Kai had obtained full locomotion. He grabbed his lunch. That was it, Kai had to be a furry. There was no other way he could be so psychologically stable in this sort of situation.

As soon as the song ended, Kai was leaning over the counter at him, "What's up, buttercup?" Some hair was matted on his forehead. Damon fixed it for him, then Kai leaned his ears in so he could ruffle them.

...Fluffy.

He went to trace Kai's jaw, then a glint of light had his eyes jumping upwards, "...Tell me you didn't pierce your ear."

"Relax, these are just clip ons!"

"..." It made them look oddly like fake cosplay ones, especially with the pink on the tail. He'd really gotten used to it. Kai grabbed the fork and stole a bite of the food he was holding, "Thief."

"I think you need a distraction," Kai moved the fork away when Damon tried to grab it again, "You're thinking too hard."

"Well, I have a debate next week--"

"You're thinking too hard," Kai repeated, "Go do wedding stuff."

"..." Damon looked at him like he was insane, "You want me to meet our wedding planner when I look like this?"

"Just like, go finish all the invites or something. Come on, I'll help."

"You said last time, and I quote 'this is so stressful, my head is going to explode'," Kai nodded sagely.

"For a workaholic like you, it's perfect!"

Damon watched as Kai stole his food. All at once, he was reminded of Kai under the sakura blossoms, putting a ring on his finger.

"..."

...Maybe he could try to stop moping.

"Ugh, seriously...?"

A fluffy tail was laid out across his lap. Kai was fighting with the editing program, laptop resting on the end of the couch. Damon's temple was rested on his back, all leaned up to him, and he found himself staring.

It was seriously like some sort of fluffy blanket. How the hell was it real?

He grabbed the tail. Kai stopped typing. You could probably find a small blanket like this in stores. The pink chalk at the top strangely hadn't faded too much, probably due to the white underneath. It still seemed a little matted due to the chalk though, so Damon lazily separated it out.

"..." Kai glanced at the time, a bit too late, "Did you wanna stop working on this?" Kai's adhd meds sometimes created this situation. It'd give him a boost of energy for some random task at the end of the day, right at the point where Damon would start to flag or need a break. It was helpful how they could both focus on the same task for a long time, but that didn't mean it worked the same for both of them.

Damon just hummed and played with the fluffy tail.

"Well, my brain is melting in 38 minutes," Kai shut the laptop. Damon let go of the tail and leant his face in until he was pressing both ears between his shoulder blades.

...

Warm.

He heard Kai's breath shift. Something was in his voice again, "What are you doing?"

Damon closed his eyes, leaning on him, "Resting."

"You're doing that headbutting thing," It was Kai's fault for being so warm, "Is this on purpose, or...? Just what's going on in that brain of yours?"

"..."

"Hm?" Kai slowly leaned back, until he was taking up Damon's lap entirely, "What's up?"

"..." Damon was tempted to say 'debate prep', but those thoughts had indeed been put on hold for now. Then he wanted to say 'the stupidly expensive boat you want us to rent', but that would be a distraction to Kai. So he settled for the cold and ugly truth, while relocating himself to dig under his neck again, "You're warm."

"Your little ears are cold?!" The cat tail thwacked the couch. Kai reached above him for the beanie he couldn't wear earlier and shoved it on Damon's head. A glare, and the beanie popped right off by itself.

"..." Kai observed Damon's ears in the 'mad' position, "Do you want my scarf?"

"No." The tail thwacked again.

"Do you want..."

"..."

"Like..."

"..."

"..." Kai opened his mouth, "Okay, wow, you just went really still," Damon groaned and started to get off him. Kai blocked him with an arm, nudging him back, "Come on, you think you're the only one?! I've been like super patient the whole day!"

Damon's brows twisted, "For what?"

"For headpats, dumbass!! What's the point of having doggy ears if I can't have headpats!!" He seemed to have strong opinions about this, "Damon, what if she fixes it tomorrow?!" He might cry tears of happiness, "And what about you! I know its new and all, but you never want to have the headpat experience?!"

"I've had headpats before." In fact, Kai had delivered many of them, "I gave you a headpat just earlier today."

"Like, ten hours ago? Look," Kai grabbed his hand and plonked it on top of his own head, "It's not a big deal, okay?"

"Then it's not a big deal," Damon took off his hand just to be a dick. Then tears actually started hitting Kai's eyes.

Damon pet his head, ruffling the ears. They were really quite fluffy. After a few minutes, he felt himself starting to feel a bit sleepy.

Damon cleared his throat, "...You really wanted this? The whole time."

"Duh."

"..." Damon played with an ear, "...Then just tell me?"

Kai stared at Damon.

Damon stared at Kai.

Kai stared at Damon.

He then had the gall to sigh forlornly at him as Damon gave his hair the spa treatment, "Man, catboys are rough..."

Chapter Text

The back of Kai's neck, right under his hair was warm. Damon hugged under his arms to stop him from moving around too much. Kai sighed from the stove.

"Damon, I'm literally about to carry boiling water."

"Wait."

"..." Kai plonked the pot on the stove, then spun around all at once, landing a hand on Damon's head.

"...!"

"Don't even think of running away," he was gripping his head like a basketball, "You keep saying you don't want headpats but--"

"--I was just resting my head--"

"--Seventeen times an hour?!"

"--I'm just warming my ears--"

"--That's not a thing!" Damon ducked out of the way, and Kai tried to go for his head again, "I have ears too! And for your information, they're warm all the time!" They are?

That moment of distraction had been enough for Kai to plonk his hand on Damon's head again, ruffling it deliberately, "This is for your own good." A floaty sensation.

"There," Kai let go, turning back around to pour out the water, "Man, I hope these don't turn out soggy..." Maybe it was because he was cooking, but Kai's hand was very warm. On top of that, Damon felt as if he had obtained some Earth-shattering information.

Kai double glanced from where he was putting spaghetti away, "...Yeah, that's right, think about it," Damon still didn't move, "Welcome to the real world."

Damon blinked, "There's a cat."

"Huh?" Kai looked out the window, catching the end of a calico tail dropping off the edge of the neighbour's roof. When he looked back again, Damon was gone.

The kitchen was now empty.

"..."

Kai sighed sadly to the spaghetti, "...He'll return when he's hungry..."

"What did you say?" Damon walked back into the kitchen, "I'm gonna go see the cat," He grabbed his keys from the counter.

"No you're not," Kai gestured to his own dog ears. Damon tugged his hoodie over his head, "That's not-- what about the tail?!" The blond tied a coat around his waist, "That's--"

"No time, I'll just say I'm a furry."

"Damon--!" The front door shut in a clutter.

Damon opened Miu's camera-protected umbrella as he quickly went down the stairs. It shouldn't have gotten too far... he knew his neighbours would be out of the house at around this time, so he wasn't too worried. He caught a flash of movement close by.

It seemed the cat decided the bins down the side of the complex was its destination. Damon carefully followed it into the shade.

The cat looked back. It was a calico. One blue eye, too. Standing in front of an old empty plate like it was about to have dinner.

Damon crouched down, hoping the mirrors on the umbrella didn't reflect weirdly and spook it. He held out his hand, palm down, calling softly, "ネコさん."

The cat stared at him.

Damon kept his hand held out.

"こっち こっち."

The cat slowly started to walk over. Just before it leant into his hand, it meowed.

"No idea what the hell you just said," Damon's feet scrambled as he slipped onto the floor, making the cat scramble back as well. Damon's eyes were wide as saucers, and the cat was frozen. After a hot second, it meowed again, "I don't eat humans."

Damon pinched his cheek.

"No, not even your squishy face."

Pain. Pain meant this was very real. The cat-- when it talked-- it meowed-- it-- the--

With a flash of realisation, Damon covered the sides of his head, blocking out his human ears.

"I know, it's a shock to me too," The cat's voice came again, without the meow attached. Hands shaking, over the top of his hoodie, Damon pressed down the cat ears on top of his head and stared.

The cat stared back.

After a second, it meowed again and walked away. Just a meow. No words.

"Wait!"

The cat jumped a little and picked up the pace.

Damon delved into his pocket, "Do you wanna try human? I have human," he took out a can of tuna.

"You put that shit in fucking cans?"

"Here," Damon unpeeled it, laying the tuna out on the plate. Understanding he'd given it quite a scare, he walked back a little, curling himself up under the umbrella.

"..."

And waited.

The calico looked down from the fence-- jumped-- hunger winning out it's logic in the end. It trotted up, but slowed closer to the bowl, giving Damon a cautious look. Damon glanced away and tugged the hoodie better over his head.

It barely took a second after that for the cat to start eating. It must have been quite hungry.

Damon watched it a little and then turned away when the cat looked up at him. Just admiring the... plants growing out from the side of the wall. The tuna was absolutely devoured in no time. Licking it's chops, the cat gave him an appraising look.

"So I've been eating human this whole time... touchè."

Damon felt like he was dreaming, "Actually, you spooked me for a different reason," The cat languidly licked it's paw as he said this, likely not paying much attention, "See..." Knowing that the umbrella at his back was blocking any view, Damon slowly tugged down his hoodie.

The cat stared at the top of his head for a moment, then kept cleaning its ears. The tail around Damon's feet hit the ground. The cat froze and started to puff up.

"Yeah, listen," He pointed at his ears, "I can hear what you're saying."

The cat puffed up in pure shock, "You're a BIG fucking cat."

Mad. "I'm not a cat."

It's ears slicked back, "Oh dear god!" Damon tugged the hood back over his head and slowly took down the umbrella. Once it was closed, the cat was still making a weird gurgling noise, fully stood up in shock. Damon slowly shuffled back, keeping his eyes on the plants in the corner, then glanced back to see where the cat was.

The cat jumped him.

"Aah!" It lashed at his face. The smell of blood, dirt-- he brought it to the ground to get it out of his face. The cat was feral. He could feel blood dripping down his earlobe-- wanting to let go-- but the cat--

It went to bite, and Damon snatched his hand back.

The cat scampered away, over the fence.

Damon sat there.

Kai cracked up laughing as soon as he saw him. Bowled over into his plate of spaghetti.

"It's not funny," Damon went to the sink and ran his whole face under water, and his hands. Little nicks and cuts everywhere... but the one under his earlobe hurt the most.

"Did you fight it? Holy shit, was that scream you?"

"Shut up," he'd gotten scratches before, but never this many at once. He picked through the first aid kit, trying to find the antiseptic cream. There were too many bandaids in here. Red thudded on his shoulder again. Kai took one more meatball and got up to help him.

"Come here, let me have a closer look," Damon let out a hiss of pain as he moved his head, "Sorry, sorry..." Kai carefully moved his hair back, and Damon could hear him tut under his breath at the line he could feel from under his earlobe to his cheek. Faint lines around his eyebrows and lips throbbed as well, "That thing did a number on you... it's gotta be at least seven or eight..."

"Numbers?"

"Scratches, but they don't look deep," somehow, the antiseptic cream had already materialised in Kai's hand, "Let me..."

Damon looked out the window as Kai treated his earlobe, adding cream and putting a bandaid on it. Of course, just as he looked outside, he spotted the perpetrator sunning on the neighbouring roof, "I don't know how I've never seen that cat before."

"Oh, that one's definitely been here before, but usually around midday," Damon turned to Kai, "Babe, why are you looking at me like that? It's a cat, not my anaphylaxis appointment."

Considering the whole cat fight, Damon was covered in cat hair, "You're not sneezing right now."

"Actually, good point. If I was allergic to you, and you were allergic to me, that would actually suck--" Kai looked at the pinch of calico cat hair Damon was holding with mild alarm, "Woah, woah, wait. We're not testing that."

"I think you're immune."

"That's wishful thinking!" After the talking cat, anything was possible, probably, "You're speedrunning the government experiment plot! Damon!" He dodged his hand.

"It's good for you."

"So not the same thing!!" Kai was surprisingly fast when he put his mind to it. Must be all that dance practice, "Argh, forget it!" He stopped the chase to slide on some shoes, "We need stimulation. I'm taking you out."

"You wanna go on a walk?"

"Yeah, that's a good ide..." Kai soured at his growing smirk, "Look, just a walk around the block. And actually hide your tail this time!"

Twenty minutes later, they were out in the sun. Sort of. Their layers of protection included Miu's umbrella, a sun hat Kai had found, oversized hoodies, a fluffy one around Kai's waist and a cat ear hat that weirdly had room for the cat ears.

"Man, I knew that would come in handy."

Damon sighed and walked off with the umbrella. Kai hurried to catch up, finding his hand. He swung it between them as they walked, then Damon found himself leaning into him a bit.

It was still around the middle of the day, on a weekday, so not many people were out on the street. The modern suburbia had colourful flowers, blue sky framed by power cables, and not much traffic either. Just birds and trees-- a definite improvement to the past week of endless rain.

As they walked along, picking up conversation, someone with a labrador walked by. The dog happily barked and ran up to them.

Kai shrieked and hid behind Damon. Oh yeah I forgot to tell him.

"Sorry, he doesn't do well with dogs."

Kai's voice in his ear, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Today was momentous.

First of all, Kai had conceded that he was not allergic to cat hair anymore. Second of all, watching videos about pet cats and dogs had suddenly become a solid 70% more entertaining. Third of all, Damon had found the calico again.

"Oh, fuck!" The cat froze as soon as he saw him, "Damn it, is this your territory?!" Damon blinked at it from where he'd been waiting for 45 minutes in the shade. He didn't try to make it come closer this time, and just watched the clouds.

The cat left. Three minutes later, it was back. The calico crept up a little closer, obviously seeing the plate of raw chicken, "My god you're rich..."

Damon's brow furrowed, "What's 'god' to cats? How do you have the concept of wealth?"

The cat crept closer, sniffing at the corner of the plate.

Damon rested his head on his arms, over his knees, "How do you know how to swear?"

The cat took a piece of chicken and ran off a little with it, knawing down with its head in the sun. After it had finished its mission, it went straight like a bullet to the rest of the food. Damon hummed to himself.

"I don't even know if you understand me," the cat stared at him.

"..."

"..."

The cat kept eating the food. The raw chicken did not seem appetising. He couldn't picture Kai-- the person who cried when he found a ladybug in his salad-- eating actual raw chicken. What had even possessed him?

Something wet. Damon looked down to see the cat sniffing his cat tail as it wrapped around him. Not allowing yesterday's frantic googling go to waste, Damon slowly closed his eyes.

He leant his head on crossed arms over his knees and waited.

...

It took a few minutes. Then the cat laid down next to him, tail flicking to ward off a fly. A small weight.

"..."

Damon stared at the little plants in the crack in the wall.

...

...

Now he was stuck.

Kai opened the door, "No."

Damon gestured to the cat curled around his feet, "She's just a guest."

"Come on, doesn't she have an owner?" The cat gave Kai a brutal stare from between Damon's ankles.

"I own myself. Does he bite?"

Damon crossed his arms, "No he won't, and he won't touch you."

"He smells like dog. Is he dog?"

"Dog and human, but he's tame."

"Damon...?"

"What's that smell inside your den?"

"Spaghetti and meatballs." The cat trotted in, paying no mind to Kai's wordless splutter.

Damon leaned in close, under his breath, "I'll make a deal with you."

Kai poked his forehead, matching his low volume with considerable more annoyance, "I'm gonna have to deep clean the whole house once we go back to normal, dumbass...!"

"Kai. Just give me this one thing, and I'll do anything for you."

Kai looked away. Damon caught the small intake of breath from how close their lips were to each other, "..." Amber eyes locked his, "Anything...?"

Damon brushed a kiss to his lips, "Anything."

Kai's eyelashes were pretty, "Like, for instance, you'll clean the whole house after...?"

Talking cat. "Anything."

"..." Kai gave him a blank stare, "Ten minutes max."

He loved him. "Okay."

One minute later found Kai was taking out a can of tuna from the cupboard. Damon sat at the kitchen table, while the cat meandered around. No doubt, part of the reason why Kai had agreed so readily had to be because the doors to their rooms were already closed, "Just so you know, she seems enthusiastic about the spaghetti."

Kai looked up, "Damon, it's a cat."

"He's rude," the cat muttered as it sniffed the fake pot plant in the corner. It didn't even meow that time. Damon had no idea how this worked, but he knew he wanted to make a good first impression.

"Then let's do both."

"Spaghetti and meatballs and tuna...?" Kai pulled a face.

The cat at their feet was slurping it up like crazy. Kai's flat ears did not match Damon's more focused ones. Kai crossed his arms, "So, you're friends now?"

Damon shrugged, "Yeah, maybe." The cat looked up in shock.

"You can't be for real..." Kai lowered his voice a little, eyes gesturing at it, "It took a chunk out of your ear...! It's feral...!"

"I can still hear him."

"Kai, she can still hear you." The influencer ran a hand through his hair, mussing up black fluff, "You're being kinda rude."

"I feel like that fucking guy in the bee movie, Damon...! What the hell is next?"

"A dog?"

"No!" Kai and the cat exclaimed together.

"Good, you both have similar interests," Damon stood up from the table. It had been 10 minutes, "The visit is over. It's time to go."

"Now?" The cat was laid out next to the food with a full belly, "I'm deadass about to pass out." It looked sleepy.

"..." Kai's stare burned into the side of Damon's head, "Can I pick you up?"

"No..." The cat's eyes slowly shut, "The sleep... help..." Damon walked up. The cat stumbled up all at once, "Wait, wait--!" Kai's mutter from the back was a 'you traumatised that thing?'

Damon stopped and provided the classic deliberate slow blink, "You're awake now."

She twirled in a circle. Indeed, it was awake. And not hungry anymore. The cat trotted up to him, headbutting, "You're the best big cat ever."

Damon had no words. All the breath was stolen from his voice. He looked over at Kai.

Kai drank his frappe, his pained expression melting a little as he took in Damon, "You like her." He said it like he was a goner.

"Kai, I am not replacing you."

"It's not that. And it's not like I wanna be that guy in this situation! It's all very sweet. But we just can't keep it, man..." His sudden prickly attitude was probably because of this, as well.

Kai was the type to not let go after he held on to something. Not becoming attached from the very start...

Damon watched the cat at his feet again. Calico circled around his legs, tried to headbutt the tip of his tail. Looked up.

Damon swallowed.

Chapter Text

Kai was feeding the neighbour's old dog thin slices of ham through a gap in the fence. This was something he just did for fun sometimes when he needed to get some fresh air and didn't want to actually walk anywhere.

Then of course, the dog started talking because this was just his life now. At least it wasn't as surprising as those "Hello's!" That barked out of nowhere. That had seriously given him a heart attack the first time.

He still wasn't fully convinced that Damon simply forgot to tell him he could talk to cats. There was no way he would just forget that. Then again, this week had been pretty heavy in the weird department.

"You smell strange," the german shepard huffed. Talking to this dog didn't feel odd considering he'd been doing it for the past couple of months anyway, lamenting to it about his relationship issues sometimes when he needed to vent. This dog always seemed to stare at him with soulful eyes and lick his fingers.

That didn't mean he was used to it answering back, though.

Kai clicked his tongue, "Damon still wants a cat. Guess what? He found one that won't make me sick," The dog's tail started to wag, reacting to his change in tone, "But... it's only gonna last as long as this transformation... then I'll just be allergic to it again..." He gave the dog another slice of ham.

The dog woofed, "Ham."

Kai provided more ham, feeling a bit silly for venting his feelings to it all this time. It was just a dog after all.

"Transformation seems to be an apt word for your predicament. You smell as if a cat would not affect you," the german shepard slurped up another slice of ham, "I've never been affected by a cat quite like you tend to describe."

Kai's heart jumped in his throat, oh dog it was really talking back, "I-I... yeah."

"I wonder if you have met this cat and been able to obtain a judge of character." Was it just him, or did animals talk oddly proficiently? Kai figured it was just a quirk of Miu's invention and nodded again.

"She came over to visit, actually."

The dog's tail wagged on the lawn behind it, "You understand me?"

"Yeah."

Dark eyes looked at him, and something unsaid passed between them. Kai had been talking to this fluffball for a while, hadn't he? And this dog had never been able to reply.

Kai had a creeping feeling that he'd never look at one the same way again. They spoke human, but didn't think the same, they understood way more than he'd expected... he hadn't realised how much he'd written off as pure coincidence, or just hadn't listened to until now.

It was just background noise... like birdsong. Random barks in the neighbourhood sometimes, or down the street occasionally. Not meanings.

The dog was still looking at him.

Kai sighed, wishing he'd bought more ham, "Damon can talk to cats too. Part of that transformation thing."

The old dog chuffed, "...So I imagine that cat and him both get along. I'd certainly try to."

"You said it. They're friends," Kai winced, "But once things go back to normal..."

The dog leaned its head on the ground, "Still friends?"

"..." He hadn't actually thought about it that way. Kai booped it on the nose, "Yeah. They'd still be friends."

"Do you want to befriend it too?"

Kai sighed, "Then I'd have to push it away again." He couldn't have a cat cuddling up to him while he was actively allergic.

"Even if you meet a short time, friends can last for a long time."

"What are you saying?"

"This predicament sounds like it's your one chance to make a friend with a cat, yes?" The dog's tail wagged slowly, and Kai was half-certain it was about to fall asleep, "It's fun to be understood. The cat understands, yes?"

Kai's thoughts wound to a stop.

Hold on.

The cat could understand.

Damon... might actually be able to translate this for him. Something like, temporary friends? Explaining not to touch him after everything went back to normal? Could they do that? Kai sat back.

Had he even tried?

...Maybe wasn't quite about not leaving fur around the house. It might be risky, but that was a fundamentally solvable problem.

No, now Kai could see how he never really understood quite where Damon was coming from. It would be ridiculous to expect himself to get it while having an allergy to cats, but now a rare opportunity had presented itself to him. His body had changed, but his mind had stayed just the same.

...

Maybe he could try and see what all the fuss was about. Maybe they could get on the same page, and come up with a better solution?

Kai felt some sort of eureka moment wash over him, "...Huh." The dog tail batted against his leg, before he forced it to stop.

"Helpful?" The german shepard woofed.

"Shit, you'd kill it as a marriage counsellor," He had to pay this dog dude back somehow, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old dog's eyes brightened up and he licked his lips. It seemed to be honed in on a dusty plate in the distance behind Kai, beside the bins of the complex.

"Chicken next time."

"Easy."

...

...

Damon blinked awake.

One leg was burning with streaks of sun, and a small weight on his stomach had clearly pattered off sometime during his nap. He sat up on his bed and was blinded by late afternoon sun immediately, splicing through his bedroom window.

Upon looking to the floor, it was clear the sunlight had moved from the bed.

Still drowsy, Damon got up to a stand and began his search for the cat. Calico. Cat. There was no name yet.

Kai was playing a switch on the couch, the cat curled up on his chest. Damon's lips twitched. Heh. He knew they would get along.

Damon didn't know the full details, but sometime in the 24 hours after he'd let Calico be on her way, Kai suddenly asked when she'd be coming around again. Apparently he'd had a particularly riveting conversation with the neighbour's german shepard...? It was apparently very wise...? It was old by dog standards, he supposed. He didn't even know how the topic would have come up.

Anyway, that wasn't the issue right now. The problem was that cat was in his spot.

Kai peered over at him and lazily smiled, "Bedhead." Damon's gaze shifted to Calico, who blinked an eye open. They stared.

After a moment, the cat stretched on Kai's chest and got up. Damon immediately replaced it, and Kai put the switch away. Arms wrapped around him, up to his head instantly.

Kai's voice was soft, "You're all warm too." Damon's hair still had sun on it. He felt his eyes slip shut as he melted, the familiar fingers lulling him.

Kai bought him forward to kiss his forehead. The room was drifting. Damon sighed out, getting too sleepy to kiss back right now... Kai was warm. Back to sleep again.

His stomach jumped for an instant as small footsteps travelled up his spine. Then another weight was curled up in the small of his back. He relaxed, the tail coming to curl around.

He felt the couch shift and Kai quietly muttering to himself, "Oh my god."

But Damon wasn't around to hear the rest.

Kai: Alright, thanks I'll tell him that

Miu: Ya just this one fucjing part ordering time is a 🅱️itch Never ficking do business with Aincrad they do ❌️NOT❌️ offer same day shipping ❗️❗️❗️

____ Today 4:53pm _____

Kai: Girl look at this

[Attached Image]

Kai: I can't move help

Kai: what have u done to me

Miu: .hang on a fucking second

(Miu is typing...)

Kai pursed his lips at text, watching Damon in the corner of his eye. He was still completely snuggled up and Kai was trapped here for the foreseeable future. If only he was actually sleepy as well.

Miu: SEND MORE PICS OF THAT 🅿️USSY

Kai: This is her eating pasta

[Attached Image]

Miu: ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

Kai: I know right 💜

Kai: We need a name

Miu: Quick question is this ur address

[Attached image]

Kai: Miu please don't tell me it got doxxed already I can't handle this right now 

Miu: IT FLEW I KNEW IT 

Miu: THATS MY FUCKING 😳😳😳😩😩😩 THOUGHT WE LOST THAT 🅱️ITCH IN THE WILD ⁉️ ✋️ THAT 🅿️USSY ⁉️ 

Kai: what

Miu: Made her in a lab 😘😘😘😘😘😘 

Kai: WHAT

Miu: no allegories 😘😘😘😘😩 thanxs to my 🅱️rilliant golden 🅱️rain that hoe is 1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣%♻️ safe 😏

Kai: wait she's your cat?!

Miu: U have NOT met this 🅱️ussy but I swear to fucking GOD HE IS ON THAT HAMSTER SHIT I HAD TO HELP HIM WITH HIS HYPOALLERGENIC LAB PROJECT ❗️❗️❗️❗️ IN THE FUCKINH SOUTH AFRICA THOUGHT WE LOST HIS PUSSY FOREVER 😩 RENDERED 🅱️USSYLESS

Miu: SENDING TO GUNDAM

Kai: so it's his cat?! !??!?! 😨

Miu: onfg no

Miu: hell no

Miu: would murder his creatures I reckon u could keep 😘😘😘 will send in a word for U❗️❗️❗️❗️

Kai: I... sorry, you made Pussy in a lab?

It took less than five seconds for Miu to respond.

Miu: HE SAID ✅️✅️❗️❗️❗️  🅱️USSY 🅱️LESSINGS ON UR NEW😽😽🅿️USSY😽😽 🎉🎉🎉🎉

He had no idea what just happened, but...

Kai excitedly ruffled the cat ears on Damon's head until it earnt him cracked eyes and a grumble. Kai all but threw his phone at him, watching as Damon curled up on Kai's stomach and checked the messages. His bleary gaze transformed from shock to concern to confusion.

"What's bussy?" A beat, "Is it like furry?" His eyebrows drew together, "Vehicles?" Kai took the phone out of his hand.

"Uh, did you miss the part where she said the cat was 100% hypoallergenic?"

Damon blinked at him, still half asleep, before realization broke upon his face. Controlled hope.

"No way."

Before they knew it, everything was back to normal. Thankfully, Miu's invention worked correctly the second time.

Kai's current life problems had been replaced with new ones. Now they had a cat. For real.

A real cat. And it wasn't going to torture him with allergies. It was indeed just as hypoallergenic as it was before.

A week ago, Kai had never even thought this was going to happen. He was entirely unprepared at how to approach this. Meanwhile, Damon seemed completely in his element.

This didn't change the fact that they were still both terrible at names. Kai had resorted to asking Diana for nicknames, of which were a tad bit too cheesy for his taste. Then Damon asked Eva, who just provided human ones. There was also the cat's birth(?) name as an option, as provided by Miu.

"We're not calling it Pussy," Damon passionately stated, dead serious, as if Kai was willing to fight to death with him on this.

Kai just shrugged non-commitally with a smirk, eyes bright and somewhere else. Mark was blowing up his phone with suggestions that included 'vermin' and 'parasite'. It was the most texts he'd ever gotten from him in a row.

The cat, oblivious to their current plight, was feasting on the new ultra premium cat food Damon just bought. He didn't even have to look anything up, he just knew all the best things to get already. He'd been in a lively mood all day.

"...Wait. I have one," Kai nodded from his perch at the kitchen counter, "Spaghetti."

He could see the notch in Damon's jaw as he deliberately didn't argue with him on this. Something lit up in Kai's chest. Oh?

"That's what you're deciding on?" Kai couldn't believe this. He'd wanted a cat so bad as well.

Damon was really willing to call it Spagetti forever. For him.

Kai pictured Damon wandering around the house at some unsaid point in the future, calling out for Spaghetti. While the image was amusing, maybe he should pick something that he wanted to hear Damon say more often. Oh! "What about ネコさん?"

Damon dryly looked at him, "...まじで?"

"かわいい!"

"You know it literally means 'cat'."

Kai waved a hand, "Psh, when I was growing up my cousin had a cat he called Mingming, this is like a similar sort of thing!"

Damon hummed in understanding to himself, "Mingming," He repeated.

Oh? Actually.

"I change my mind," Kai twirled around in search of the cat. It had disappeared during their conversation, "Mingming! Where are you?"

Damon locked eyes with the cat loafing under the table and sighed. He was going to try and pick her up like a baby again.