Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A few drops, just a few. Only the sight of them made Felix nauseous. 

He was never one to get sick, and if he did, it always passed by in a matter of days. But no, this wasn't just a normal sickness, he could sense it. His magic had been going haywire lately, strong one moment and weak the next. The flowers in his apartment screamed, trying to warn him of something. The faerie had no idea what, though. Until now.

The sudden colour on his hand and on the sink was telling a whole other story, one that…that probably didn't end with a happily ever after. It couldn't be it though, there hasn't been a case of that since…a long time ago. There was no way it was that. If it was…things would get worse very quickly.

Felix let out a shaky breath, quickly washing both his hands and the sink. His appointment was tomorrow, it would be fine. It's probably just from something he ate. Yup. That was totally it. No need to panic or overthink. 

Coughing up blood isn't all that uncommon in a variety of harmless illnesses, right?

After he dried his – now clean – hands, the faerie left the bathroom to put some proper clothes on. He can't open his shop in just a bathrobe, after all, can he?

As a faerie, it was easy for Felix to be a florist – the plants and he share the same roots, they speak the same language. They do so for all that choose to listen, and Felix had plenty of practice when he was a small child. Nature spoke to him, sang to him. 

After putting on his work clothes – a simple white t-shirt and dark blue jeans – Felix brushed his hair, checking his phone for messages in the process.

[A quokka, puppy and chick walk into a bar – 4 unread messages]

Twin win:

Feeeelixxxx

Did you get them today????? 🥺

Seungmo:

Why the groupchat? It's 7 am Jisung. Some of us are still trying to sleep. 

Felix chuckles, shaking his head fondly. Grumpy, as always…

Twin win:

Seungmiinn don't be grumpy. I need the flowers for Minho, you know that!!

I promised him 🥺🥺

Seungmo:

We know. You bring it up all the time. It's annoying. 

Twin win: 

PUH-LEASE. As if YOU don't bring up Changbin any chance you get. 

Anywaaay Lixie I see you reading these so do u have them?

Me:

Believe it or not…I do (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

The cosmos, right?

Twin win:

YES!! Ily so much Lixieee I owe you!!

Seungmo:

He's going to forget about it the moment he leaves your shop.

Twin win:

Nonono i won't i promise!! 

I'll buy u whatever u want!!!

Me:

Sooo…a new TV? ヾ⁠(⁠*⁠’⁠Ｏ⁠’⁠*⁠)⁠/

Twin win:

…Maybe not whatever BUT

Smth within a few of my paychecks

Seungmo:

I'm going back to sleep. 

Me:

LOL okay mr. Grumpy (⁠눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠)

Say hi to Changbin for us!

Seungmo:

Literally how. Did u know. 

Me:

The gay tingle never lies 

Twin win:

PREACH 🙏 🙏 

Me:

Okaay, gotta open soon.

Stop by for the flowers Ji!!

Twin win:

Yes sir 🫡

Felix pocketed his phone with a smile – even if he was having the worst day imaginable, those two could lift his spirits with just a few texts. He loved his friends.

Though it could get annoying with how they tried to set him up all the time…that was a small price to pay, though. 

The faerie took his small purse – his favourite, the white one with a flower field painted on it – and left his apartment. 

He bought the building, what, three years ago? Maybe four now? He wasn't really sure. He originally only wanted the apartment and planned to rent the space beneath, but after one visit from Jisung he changed his mind. This was now his flower shop. His pride. 

For him, and for others of his kind, nothing was quiet. All animals talked, all plants sang, constantly. The fae learn to tune their songs out early into their lives. 

Which only made Felix more sure in the fact that something was very wrong. Because his shop was silent. 

It's not supposed to be silent. 

Felix gulped, checking for potential intruders before going behind the counter. It wasn't possible, but it felt as if the flowers were pulling away from him. As if he was the danger. As if there was something wrong with him.

The silence was deafening. 

Check the register, water some of the pots, sweep the floor, unlock the door and switch the sign to “open”. It was Felix's routine, a safe haven in the chaos he calls life. It was something he could always rely on. But today, it all felt stiff. Forced. Just…wrong. So very wrong.

Maybe he should’ve booked the doctor's appointment for today instead of tomorrow…?

Before he had the chance, the first customer came in, lured in by the “beautiful displays”. Not a human though, probably some sort of shifter. Felix simply smiled, telling her to hold on for just a moment as he connected his phone to the speakers and started playing his work playlist and walked around the counter to show her all the flowers he had for sale.

The woman, who indeed was a shifter, ended up buying an orchid, the most vibrant pink he had. She hadn't asked for the meaning, but Felix slipped in a little note with it anyway. Grace and joy.

It was never too busy in the mornings, so Felix had time to think. Normally, he'd talk to the plants but…they didn't seem like they wanted his attention today. They didn't sing, they stayed quiet. So, he thought about his situation instead.

It has to be something common or uncommon, he thought, sketching random flowers, cats and little dragons into his little notebook. Or curable, at the very least. There's no way I'm dying over a little cough…

He refused to take the other symptoms into account. Deny, deny, deny. He just had a cold, a common cold or the flu that refused to go away. Deny, deny.

Time passed by. He coughed a few times, but it was nothing serious, only phlegm. No blood at all. Nope, the phlegm did not have a pinkish hue to it. That would be ridiculous. 

“Hey Lixie!” A cheery voice sounded from the opened door. Jisung strolled in as if he owned the place. “I believe I have something to pick up here~?”

“Oh, I'm afraid you have the wrong place, kind sir.” Felix clicked his tongue. “We're all out of whatever it is you're looking for.”

Jisung snorted, nose scrunching. “Ah, my bad. Guess I'll try my luck elsewhere, maybe they'll appreciate the offer to try Minho's cooking…”

“What? Minho-hyung is cooking?” Felix perked up, smiling. “What's the occasion??” 

“Of course that is what gets your attention.” Jisung sighs, dramatically. “It's just a small get together, don't worry. He has not asked for my hand in marriage…yet.” A grin. “He's inviting his own friend group over, so we thought it would be a great time to introduce everyone!”

It didn't sound bad…however. “Are you sure that's a good idea? To have so many people in one place like that? Are they human, fae, witche, elves? Or something else?” Felix didn't really get along with witches. They just generally didn't like fae, but Felix especially – because of his connection to nature, probably. He's not sure about that, though.

“You don't have to be so nervous.” Jisung pats his head. “Plus I'm inviting Jeongin, too. It's been a while since I've seen him.”

“Oh, he actually stopped by recently.” Felix pulls away, going to the back to get the cosmos flowers Jisung wanted so badly. “He didn’t stay for long, but it was nice to see him.”

“Ooh, did he say anything? Any gossip?”

“Nah, you know he's not the type. He did let it slip that he's maaybe…moving here permanently.”

“What!?” Jisung gasped, smile wide. “You're kidding. Our baby is finally going to stay with his parents?”

“Yep,” Felix said, popping the p. “I would be glad to see him if he accepts the invitation. Anyway, here are your flowers!”

Jisung looked like he was about to start worshipping Felix, but the door opened and another customer walked in. A familiar one this time. As he passed by the flowers on display, Felix's nerves calmed – he just had a calming aura around him. Everything in Felix relaxed, his muscles, his heart. For the first time in a while, it wasn't beating like crazy. What a rare occurence.

The customer was an elf and had wavy, long hair. Almost every week, he came in, bought a small bouquet and left. At first, Felix thought he was buying them for a partner, but one look at his fingers – covered in various colours – made that thought dissipate. This man was an artist and he seemed to like Felix's shop. 

“Hello,” Felix greeted in his usual customer service voice, “what are you looking for today?” Jisung went to the side, taking the flowers with him. He obviously still wanted to talk with Felix, but it would have to wait.

“Hello,” the man smiled – he and Felix were not friends, they were barely even acquaintances, but he was kind and the flowers didn't dislike him, so…

“The pre-made bouquets were moved over there, if you're looking for those,” Felix pointed to the other side of the shop, “there’s a few new combinations as well. Feel free to choose one you like best. And, as you know, I can make custom ones if you want.”

“Oh– I haven't noticed they've been moved. Thank you.” he smiled and walked to where Felix pointed.

He wasn't out of earshot, but Felix waved Jisung back anyway. “So, when is this dinner?”

“It's on Friday. You're free, right? No date that you coincidentally forgot to tell me as Seungmin about?” Jisung wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Oh, god, no. You know me, I wouldn't have kept that from you, Sungie.” Felix shook his head fondly. “I’m free everyday.” Except for tomorrow. 

“Good! I'll let Min know that you're coming, then. Speaking of him, I should probably finally give him these.” Jisung raised the flowers he was holding shaking them a little. Two petals fell down. “Oops. Oh, and one more thing,” he leaned in gesturing for Felix to do the same and then whispered: “That guy is definitely into you.”

“What?! Ji!” Felix shouted after the giggling man, feeling the heat travel to his cheeks. That was nonsense, they didn't even know each other! He'd punch Jisung the next time he'd see him.

“Nosy friends, I suppose?” The man returned to the counter, a bouquet of primroses in hand.

“Oh, you have no idea.” The faerie huffed, which unfortunately led to a small coughing fit. Fucking hell. 

The man's other arm shot up, as if he wanted to help, but froze. He obviously didn't want to overstep. “Uhm, are you okay?”

Still coughing, Felix tried to smile. “Ye–eah. Sorry, I'm re–recovering from a cold. I'm fine.” He cleared his throat for good measure. God, he needs a cup of water. “Is that all today?” he gestured to the bouquet 

The man nodded, eyes still containing worry in them. “Yea, that's all. Wait– here.” He reached into his backpack, pulling out a bottle of water. “To soothe your throat – no offense, but you sound like you need it.”

“Oh.” Felix blinked a few times, taking it on autopilot. “T–that’s very kind of you.” He took a quick sip. Oh, yeah, that was infinitely better. “Thank you…oh, you come here every week, but I don't even know your name.”

“I haven't told you, so that's understandable.” He chuckled – though it sounded more like a giggle, if Felix was being honest. “It's Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin.”

The faerie smiled, nodding. “I'm Felix. Um, obviously. It's on my name tag…” he grimaced. Awkward. “So the primroses are all?”

“Yup."

Hyunjin paid, took back his bottle and was about to head out. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He shot Felix a beautiful, wide smile. “Hope you get better soon.”

With that, he was gone. Until next week, then.

Felix's face dropped the moment he left, another coughing fit getting a hold of him. It felt like his lungs were burning, slowly, consumed by the fire inch by inch. Something was coming up his larynx, crawling up and scratching it in the process. The blonde reached for a tissue, putting it in front of his mouth, eyes squeezed shut.

As soon as he stopped coughing, he hoped it was just phlegm. It had to be just that. It had to be. Felix opened his eyes, slowly pulling the tissue away from his mouth and folded it right away, in a way that made it impossible to check the inside. Even like that, though, the crimson blood staining it was very much obvious. There was no way he could continue putting it off – he already knew, anyway. Deep down, he just knew. 

But even though Felix knew, there was no way for him to stop the way his heart dropped when the tissue was fully unfolded.

Right there, in the center, laid a yellow flower petal. 

•·—🏵️—·•

“Lee Yongbok Felix?” The nurse called out, looking around the waiting room. Felix stood up, smiling at her politely, following the direction she pointed him in. The time he's spent sitting, anxiously shaking his leg and coughing felt like an eternity. 

He coughed up another petal that morning. There was more blood, too, and his throat felt all rough and scratchy. It was getting worse faster than he thought.

Felix sat on the cold examination table, waiting for the doctor to show up. He didn't need a diagnosis – he already knew what it was. But je needed to know if it's curable, it he could get rid of it. 

Hope was all he had.

“Mr. Lee?” The doctor walked in, a middle-aged woman with hair in a bob. Felix used his weakened magic to feel her energy – yup. A fellow faerie. 

“Yes, hello.” He nodded, smiling again.

She smiled back. “I'm Dr. Song. I'll get right to it, if you don't mind.” She flipped through the chart she was holding. “When you made the appointment, you mentioned you've been coughing up blood. There could be multiple reasons why–”

“I apologize for interrupting, but,” Felix held his breath, “I already, uh, know what it is. That's…that's why I brought this.” He reached into his purse, pulling out the tissue from that morning. The one containing the petal. He handed it to the doctor, biting his lower lip.

As she uncovered it, her eyes blew wide. An understandable reaction, really. There hasn't been a documented case of the hanahaki disease for years. 

“Oh. Uh– wow.” She stared at the petal covered in blood, saliva and phlegm. She quickly cleared her throat, trying to hide the surprise. “This is…”

Felix sighed, looking at the ground before finishing her sentence. “A flower petal, yes. One that came from my lungs, apparently.” He chuckled humourlesly. “It's…I have hanahaki.”

Dr. Song looked at him with disbelief on her face. “I can tell, yes. It's very…rare. Alright– we'll need to do a chest CT, preferably an X-ray, too. I'll take this with me and we'll do tests on the phlegm and blood.” She slipped right back into work mode. Then, in a whisper, she added: “I'll do whatever I can to make sure this information doesn't get out of this hospital.”

Felix's shoulders sagged with relief. He didn't know he had to hear that. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She nodded twice, placing down the chart with his information down. “We'll do our best to help you, and should the country find out, let's hope it'll be long after you're healthy.”

Both the CT and X-ray were done quickly – and everyone who helped stared at him as if he was some experiment. Maybe they thought there would be flowers blooming on his whole body, coming out of his mouth…basically what hanahaki was in many shows and movies. Unfortunately for them, the flowers were truly only in Felix's lungs. 

The ones Dr. Song was showing him in the X-ray.

“This is your chest cavity and these are your lungs. The darker matter,” she explained, pointing to the bottom of where she outlined the lungs, “are…are the growing flowers. As you can see, there's more in your right lung right now, which is a good thing for you.”

“In what way is that a good thing…?”

“Even if your right lung collapses, you won't immediately collapse and you'll be capable of calling the ambulance or getting to the hospital by yourself.”

Oh. Those weren't actually good news. “Alright…so, what's the treatment plan? What are my options?”

The doctor's face turned into a grimace. Felix's heart dropped.

“I'm afraid…there is no form of treatment available.”

No. No, no.

“Since there hasn't been a recorded case in so long…”

Nonono!

“...all studies, medications and other treatments have been…put on hold, you could say. We haven't been taught how to perform the surgery, we've only watched old videos. Nothing more. There is…almost nothing we can do for you.”

Felix's eyes filled up with tears.

“I'm sorry.” 

“Wait,” he mumbled, voice shaking, “you said almost nothing. What can you do?”

The doctor sighed, clearly not doing much better. “The only thing that any hospitals have in stock are pills that'll slow the flowers' growth down, but…that will only give you a bit more time. You hanahaki is…in a advanced stage already."

Felix looked at the ground, tears welling up in his eyes. Fuck. “How long do I have?” Silence. “How long?”

“Without the pills…2 and a half months. With them? Around four, but we don't know that for sure. We can try our best to find someone who's capable of doing the surgery, or…”

Felix closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He already knew what she was about to say.

“...or you'll tell the person you're in love with about your feelings. That would…that would be the best and safest option for you.” She put down the picture of the X-ray. “Mr. Lee, I am truly sorry that you found yourself in this situation. But confessing would solve all of it.” She put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it for a moment. Fae–to–fae solidarity, it seemed.

“That seems to be the problem, doctor.” Felix looked into her eyes and sadly smiled. “I have no idea who I have feelings for.”

•·—🏵️—·•

Felix was in the bathroom again, looking at the tiny pill on the palm of his hand. This tiny thing is supposed to stunt the growth of the flower? Really? Well, it's not like he has much more to lose. He doesn't even have half a year either way.

Dr. Song told him that it's best to wait for another coughing fit before taking it, so that's what he's doing. Waiting, sitting on the ground under the sink and trying to figure out who the fuck he has feelings for.

He hasn't dated in, what, two or three years? And even that was fleeting and more like a simple crush rather than love. And, as far as he was aware, he held no romantic feelings for anyone right now. At all. So why were these stupid flowers in his lungs, killing him? He'd let them stay there if it didn't hurt so fucking much. He loves flowers, he considers most of them as an extension of his own body. But noo, the one that is actually a part of his body is deadlier than all the poisonous ones he has in the back of his shop.

His phone pinged once, twice and a third time. The faerie pulled it out of his pocket to check who it could be.

[Momma cat – three unread messages]

Momma cat:

Yongbok.

I stopped by your shop today and you weren't open, even though you're always open

Why?

Me:

Don't worry hyung, I'm fine 

Just had a doctor's appointment

Handled it like a pro ᕙ⁠(•⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠•)

Momma cat:

Hm. Okay. 

Don't forget, tomorrow at 6pm.

Me:

There's no way I'd forget!!!

Should I bring my brownies? ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

Momma cat:

Hm. Yes. If you want to.

Me:

I will then (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

You going to do it tomorrow or…?

Momma cat:

No

But soon

I have the ring

Me:

Always rooting for u! \⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)/

Now, Felix didn't exactly…lie. He just didn't tell Minho the full truth. And he could never. Not when he knows Minho is planning to propose to Jisung soon.

He wouldn't want to steal the attention.

Felix scrolled through Instagram, still waiting. The coughing fits were annoying – especially because they were unpredictable. He could go hours without one or have multiple in the span of one hour. Annoying.

Just as he was about to put his phone away so that he could continue staring at nothing, a notification popped up. It was for the account he ran for his shop, which wasn't really unusual. Felix is used to getting orders through the DMs there, so he clicked on the message without hesitation. 

What he saw once it loaded made him freeze.

There was no order in sight, only a picture. A picture of an unfinished painting, more specifically, one of a bouquet of primroses. But even if it was unfinished, it looked amazing.

Underneath it was a message:

Hynjinnn:

Hello, I hope you're having a calm evening. I've realized that despite buying flowers at your shop every week at this point, you haven't had a chance to see what I do with them. I'm sure you've noticed I'm an artist, so here is how the painting of the primroses I bought today looks so far :)) 

Hyunjin

Me:

Hello! Wow…I have no words. It looks great, you're very talented! I'm glad to know my work serves to inspire someone! I'd love to see the painting when it's finished, too. ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

Hynjinnn:

Of course! It'll take some time but I will. I won't bother you now, enjoy the rest of your day, Felix

Felix's stomach did a funny thing, almost like a spin. He shook his head, clicking on Hyunjin's account. And wow.

It was full of his paintings. Flowers, cherry blossoms, still life, silhouettes of people…literally everything. And each painting was more beautiful than the rest. 

How are these not in some gallery already?

Just as Felix scrolled further down through the account, his lungs squeezed and he started coughing. And it wouldn't stop.

He had to drop the phone and stand up, coughing above the sink. Phlegm along with drops of blood dripped from his lips with each cough, staining the clean porcelain. Fuck.

Felix's throat hurt, the edges of a petal scraping it with their movement. Just a little more and…

Two of them this time. Two petals. Felix tried to swallow, but it hurt too much, irritating the inside of his throat even further. He could taste the metallic tang of the blood on his tongue, in his entire mouth. 

If it was like this at the very beginning, how bad was it going to get?

The pill. He had to take the pill, it would help. Thankfully, he still had it in his hand, so Felix rinsed his mouth with water, cleaning the sink in the process and then popped it into his mouth and swallowed the best he could. 

Shit.

The faerie looked at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible – disheveled hair, lips and chin tainted with blood, an empty, exhausted look in his eyes. A single tear slipped down his face. He didn't really feel like he could go through all of this with a smile.

But for his friends, he'd try.

He took a look at the petals he coughed up – they were yellow, with an orange tint where it looked like it was the base. There were many, many flowers with that colour. It's impossible to identify it without seeing the full bloom.

In shows, the kind of the flower that the disease contained often helped with realizing who the person with it had feelings for. It would range from favourite flower of the love interest to their birth flower – but Felix had no idea which it was in reality, or if it was just random. It wouldn't really help, anyway. Not when he had no idea what flower it was. 

His phone pinged again.

[Seungmo – two unread messages]

Seungmo:

Heard you're bringing your brownies?

Can you make a few of those that are filled with peanut butter

Me:

What's the word? (•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠)

Seungmo:

Ughhhhh

Please.

Me:

See? That wasn't so hard, was it?

And dw, I'll make them!

He had to pretend he was fine. He would pretend to be fine. For the sake of his friends, he would pretend. As far as they knew, he was completely healthy, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. 

And he definitely wasn't dying. 

•·—🏵️—·•

Two hours to go…

Felix huffed, putting his brownies into the oven. Jisung texted him that he'd pick him up at 5:45, so he closed the shop earlier than he's supposed to. That gave him the time he needed to make his signature brownies.

A shame he had to get rid of the first batch because he coughed up blood and it got onto it. Along with a petal. 

The pills he got were probably working, because he started coughing up one instead of two petals, but it had a nasty side effect. The coughing fits weren't as often as before, but when he did get them, they were so painful. He couldn't get rid of the sore throat for at least an hour afterward.

Felix was exhausted. He barely slept last night, dreams continuously interrupted by choking on the petals. Why did it have to be so difficult? Why did it have to be him? And who the hell did he have feelings for!?

The faerie placed his elbows onto the counter, hiding his face in his hands. It's been just four days since the symptoms started looking like hanahaki and it was already torture. Just how bad could this get? 

It didn't really matter, he supposed. He'd die either way. Not that…not that he wanted to, no, but he had to make peace with it after coming home yesterday. Well, he didn't, not really, he was too exhausted to feel anything. He felt…empty. Hollow. What else could he do? There was no point of denying anything. Death…what would that even mean? What was going to happen? Would his consciousness just disappear? Would the world simply turn black? Is there an afterlife or would he be reincarnated into another body? So many questions, so many speculations with no clear answers…and yet, Felix would know the answer to them all in around 4 months or less. Hah. 

He took a glass of water, taking a sip to wash away the remaining taste of blood. No matter how hard he tried, it remained, reminding him of his fate all the time. 

As if the way his flowers were pulling away from him wasn't enough. As if the way his magic was getting weaker each day wasn't enough. As if the way his chest ached, felt full and yet so empty at the same time.

Felix took out his phone, finally searching up things about hanahaki disease. He put it off for too long, he only knows the basics, and he has time to read now, so…

He found an older article about it. There were no newer ones, so it was his only hope. He began reading.

“Hanahaki disease used to be most commonly found in elves, fae and humans, though many other species have reported cases lately.”

“Those who have hanahaki disease throw up flowers that usually grow in the lungs of the infected, though in some cases flowers were found in the heart or stomach, too.”

Eugh. Felix shivered, a disgusted expression taking over his face. It didn't really matter, anyway, he supposed, which version he had. The outcome didn't change.

“The victim gets the disease because of a tragic thing – unrequited love. The victim’s beloved has to return their feelings for them to be cured (romantic love only, not platonic love or a very strong friendship), the other ways to get rid of the disease is by death or the surgery that removes the flowers. (Many choose not to – side effects include losing memory of the loved one or the victim's ability to love in any way.)”

“There are multiple stages: 1. Coughing up phlegm and blood only, no flower petals yet. 1.5 Phlegm, blood and a single petal. 2. Coughing up petals and blood, less phlegm, hurts the throat a lot more. The petals irritate it a lot. 3. Even more petals and blood, progressively more trouble speaking and swallowing. 4. Choking on petals or full blooms and coughing them up, aching chest (lungs), trouble breathing, needs to be hospitalized in later phase of st. 4. 5. Inability to breathe without intubation, lungs filled with flowers and blood, flowers starting to grow out of the victim's mouth. It's better to keep the victim unconscious during stage 5.”

“Stage 6 – pneumothorax, complete lung collapse and death.”

Ah. Felix was already at stage two, then. How long would it take to reach stage three? He wondered, placing a hand on his chest.

“Recovery is a long process, basically impossible after stage 4. It is better to confess your feelings early on, or your chances at surviving are almost zero.”

Fuck. That wasn't good, was it? Not that Felix thought he'd survive, not when the surgery wasn't an option and he didn't know who his “beloved” was. He could already feel the helplessness covering him like a blanket, except it wasn't warm, it was cold and trapped him.

“The time it takes to get through the stages varies from person to person, but a study showed it often goes like this:”

“Stage 1. and 1.5 – one week.

Stage 2. – three weeks.

Stage 3. – three and a half weeks. 

Stage 4. – two weeks

Stage 5. – one week.

Stage 6. – half a week.”

“Keep in mind it is not the same for everyone, some victims go through the stages faster, some slower. There has been a documented case of stage 1.5 that lasted two months.”

Felix already knew he wouldn't be so lucky. 

“The origins of hanahaki are unknown, many say it just appeared out of nowhere. Some scientists believe they've found the source of it – an ancient curse. However, that is only speculation.”

“Did this article help you? Let us know at–”

Felix closed the article, turning off his phone. A curse…no, it couldn't be, could it? Even though witches dislike him, they wouldn't do something like this…right…?

Felix couldn't stand not knowing and looked it up.

Hanahaki curse origin. 

He skimmed through the article, too afraid to read the whole thing. “...the victim's symptoms worsen quickly and they pass through stages way too fast…”

Nope. Felix closed it again, turned his phone off and placed it on the counter, the furthest he could. He wasn't cursed. The curse was so old it's probably not in most magical books, only on the internet, and the ingredients for it are not listed anywhere. Nobody cursed him. He would have felt it.

He just didn't know what real love felt like. That was his problem.

The oven beeped, signaling that the brownies were done. Felix turned it off and took the tray out, leaving it on the counter to cool off as he walked to the bathroom to make himself look presentable and not so…sick. He was about to meet Minho-hyung’s friends, he had to look his usual “sunshine” self. Easier said than done. 

Cleaning up his face was first on the list. Felix splashed it with water first, drying it off with the softest towel he had. It was easy to hide the dark circles under his eyes, and he put a light layer of it on his freckles, too – just enough so that they weren't as visible from a distance. 

Time for his hair. Pouting, Felix brushed the strands with his fingers, thinking. Which hairstyle would be the best? A ponytail, a braid, a bun? Hmm, maybe if he puts just a bit into a ponytail and leaves everything else down…it wouldn't look as if he was trying too much but it also wouldn't look like he didn't style it. Quite an easy choice.

Before he even managed to tie it with a rubber band, another coughing fit caught him by surprise. Ugh. At least he was by the sink this time…

One petal again – that was good. Felix quickly wrapped it in toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet. His friends didn't come over all that often, he was normally the one invading their space, but the slightest slip up could lead to them discovering his condition. So, he had to get rid of the evidence. Just to be sure.

They can't know. He repeated to himself like some mantra. They just can't.

He continued getting ready, choosing an outfit next. It was just dinner, and at Jisung's and Minho's place no less, which meant there was no harsh dress code. 

“Dress in a way that makes you comfortable,” was Jisung's response to Felix's “what should I wear”. It didn't really help. 

Something comfortable, but socially acceptable, but not overly fancy…ugh, it would be easier to pick an outfit for an expensive restaurant!

The faerie ended up wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt with a sunflower in the middle of it. For accessories, he just put on his favourite necklace – a silver chain with a daisy shaped pendant. Simple. 

Twenty minutes to go now…Jisung always arrives early, anyway, and–

More coughing. Felix sprinted to the bathroom, getting to the toilet just in time to throw up blood along with…leaves and a stem? What the fuck? Those…weren't listed in any of the stages. Only blooms were, this was all supposed to stay in his lungs and continue growing. Why did he just throw it up? Did he have some new version of hanahaki, one with completely new symptoms or something?

Unfortunately, thinking about it for a long time wasn't something Felix could afford, as the doorbell rang. He quickly flushed the toilet, heading to the kitchen and putting his brownies into a plastic container.

Before he opened the door, he took a deep breath. Time to pretend. 

He opened it with a wide smile, greeting Jisung, who was dressed similarly. 

“Heeey Lixie!” The other man greeted him, smiling, too. “Oooh, you made brownies? Sweet. Literally. Now come on, Minho called me to say that his friends have already arrived.” He trailed off. “Uh, Lix, you have blood on your lip. Here,” Jisung pointed to his own mouth and Felix cursed internally. 

“Oh, really?” He acted as if he had no idea as to how it got there. “I didn't notice. Must've bitten it or something.” he licked it, grimacing at the taste. With how much blood he had in his mouth lately he could be a fucking vampire or something. 

“Hm, you're good to go. Come on!” 

“How come you're the one driving, though? You're usually in the passenger’s seat, talking Minho's ear off.”

Jisung slowed down a bit, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips. “Well…there was something I had to pick up.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. Oh.

Both him and Minho thought alike, it seemed.

“Oh. Oh my god.” Felix felt his lips stretch in a smile – a genuine one. “Are you really– wait, are you going to propose today? Because I can't look like this in the photos!”

“What?!” Jisung laughed, hiding the small box again. “Don’t be crazy! I need to plan it, it has to be the most perfect thing ever, y'know? It'll take some time for me to decide. It's a big thing, and you know how much I overthink.”

Yeah, Felix knew. And his whole life he pretended his brain didn't do the same. After all, he was the sunshine friend, the one that's always positive, the one that never sees the bad in things. That was his role, the personality he's spent so long shaping and living with. 

And he was going to keep it up until he died. He could say that with confidence now.

“Yeah. Well, do let me know in advance, because I need to have my best clothes on.” The faerie grinned, chasing all the negative thoughts away.

“You'll be the first to know.” Jisung mirrored his expression, leading Felix to the car. “It's a big step, but…I just wanted to be ready, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Felix gently smiled, opening the door on the passenger's side. “It's never bad to be prepared, Ji. Who knows, maybe you'll have to get used to life without me soon!” 

Jisung laughed at that, shaking his head. “Hah! Over my dead body!”

Or mine. Over my dead body. Felix thought but kept quiet. He didn't want the attention.

The drive was short and they listened to music the whole time. Felix couldn't scream the lyrics as he usually would, as his voice would get really raspy and he'd probably start coughing, but not singing at all would've been suspicious. So, he sang a bit. Just enough to appear normal. Because everything was fine.

Jisung started talking again once they got out of the car, his fluffy ears appearing suddenly. They always did when he was excited. “Seungmin and Changbin will arrive a bit later, and Jeongin said that he can't make it. Which is a pity, I was looking forward to finally seeing jim again.” Jisung pouted, but his cheerful attitude came back just a moment later. “Oh and Minho's friends are there already! He only has two that he wants us to meet. Like, obviously he has more, like uhh…Seonghwa! Yea, he's mentioned Seonghwa before. But these two are apparently his best friends and he's known them the longest soo…”

“Okay.” Felix chuckled, shaking his head. “Calm down, Jisung. How come you're this nervous? I don't think you were this jittery when you met Minho-hyung's parents.”

“Meeting his parents and meeting his best friends are different things!” Jisung pouted.

“I'd think that meeting his parents would be more important though!”

“Nuh uh, not for me!” 

They bickered all the way to the door of Jisung's and Minho's shared apartment, their voices echoing in the hallway. Jisung seemed more and more nervous the closer the two got to the door.

“Hey, Ji. It'll be alright. It's impossible not to like you, okay?” Felix put a hand on Jisung's shoulder, squeezing it for just a moment.

“....a lot of people from my middle school would probably disagree, but thank you, Lix.” Jisung smiled as they finally reached the door. Just as he took out the keys, the door opened and there stood Minho in his cat apron and spatula in hand. Two unfamiliar voices were talking somewhere in the apartment.

“Thought I sensed you nearby, Sungie.” The cat shifter grinned, opening the door wider. “Hi, Felix. Come in, both of you. I'm almost done.” He rushed to the kitchen again. 

Jisung quickly took off his shoes and followed his boyfriend, while Felix took a bit more time. He brought a tissue to his lips and coughed a couple times, just to clear his throat of phlegm. Phlegm accompanied by blood, as always. At least there were no petals.

The faerie quickly hid the tissue before making his way deeper into the apartment. 

It used to be cleaner, more organised, when it belonged to Minho only. Since Jisung's moved in, it has gotten more…messy. But it was the good kind of messy, organised chaos more likely. And the couple was happy. 

Jisung joined Felix just before he stepped into the living room, pouting, because Minho kicked him out of the kitchen. Jisung had his tail and ears out, which was a bit unusual, since he was about to meet new people and preferred to keep those hidden for first meetings…oh well.

The two entered the living room, instantly taking note of the two people that were chatting on the couch. They both turned when they heard the floor creak and Felix's heart stopped beating for a moment.

“Oh. Hello.” None other than Hyunjin, with the same shocked face as Felix's was sitting on Minho's and Jisung's couch. 

“Hi.” Felix felt the corner of his lips turning upwards in a soft smile. “Well, this is a surprise.”

Jisung snorted, trying his best to control himself, while the other guy looked confused as hell. “Uh, sorry, but do you two…?” 

“Oh, that's the florist I buy all the bouquets from, Chan–hyung.” Hyunjin explained, now with a smile as well.

The man – Chan – made an ‘o’ with his mouth in recognition. “Ah, yeah, I remember.”

“Okay, okay, all of that aside,” Jisung started talking once he's finally calmed down. “Hi! I'm Jisung, Minho's boyfriend. It's nice to finally meet you two! Properly, I mean.” He chuckled, ears twitching from nervosity. Felix would've comforted him, but it didn't feel right to do so in front of the other two.

“It's nice to meet you too, Jisung. I'm Chan and this is Hyunjin.” Chan stood up and offered his hand for a handshake, before quickly retreating it and bowing slightly. “Ah, sorry, still not used to the fact that shaking hands isn't the norm here."

“No worries! I'm used to that from this one,” Jisung pointed to Felix, who felt heat creep up his neck. 

“Ah, yeah, used to do that all the time when I first moved here. Old habits die hard.” The faerie went to his favourite place – the armchair – and sat down. It was right in the way of the window, which meant the sun warmed it up almost the whole day, so Felix loved it.

Hyunjin's body was facing Jisung's direction, but his eyes were on Felix. “Nice to meet you both.” He smiled and oh, it felt the same as it did back in Felix's shop – warm, comforting, as if someone covered Felix in a warm blanket and passed him a cup of hot cocoa. “Properly, I mean.” Hyunjin added, letting out a little huff of amusement – at least Felix thought it was amusement. It wouldn't really make sense for it to be something else.

Jisung's eyes narrowed and he grinned – oh no. That was his 'I'm planning something' face. “So, do tell…any embarrassing stories about Minho? Please, I desperately need them.”

The four descended into conversation and – it was comfortable. Surprisingly so. Even Felix, with his skittish nature that he always worked hard to hide, felt comfortable enough to be himself, to be loud. Just enough to appear normal. Just enough to not cough. 

He absolutely could not cough now.

Somehow, they started talking about jobs.

“Ah, well,” Felix played with his hair, chuckling, “I'm a florist, obviously. I'm fae and my connection to nature – especially flowers of all kinds – has always been pretty strong.”

Hyunjin followed up. “I'm a dancer. That's how Minho-hyung and I met, actually. We teach at the same school. I'm also an artist, in my free time at least.” He nodded towards Felix. “Hence the frequent visits to your shop.”

Felix smiled widely, nodding. “I noticed.” It was Chan's turn then.

“Ah, I uh…I'm a producer, actually. Nothing too interesting, so…”

“Wait, really?” Jisung's eyes were literally sparkling. “I'm a songwriter! Let me get my notes– Minho, you bastard, why didn't you tell me your friend is a producer!?” The hybrid yelled as he sprinted out of the room. Minho's response could barely be heard.

“It just never came up, Sungie!”

Felix couldn't help it and burst out laughing, even though it hurt. Oh, it hurt so bad, but the situation was so funny he couldn't stop. And he had to seem normal. He was normal.

His throat hurt, it felt like someone took some sandpaper and used it there. He needed a glass of water…

Jisung came back, this time with Seungmin and Changbin in tow. Minho popped in quickly to say that the food is seriously almost ready and that he'd bring it in just a few moments. The atmosphere was lively and Jisung even facetimed Jeongin at one point, introducing him, too. Felix liked it. The group was friendly, so much so it seemed like they've known each other for a longer time than just a few hours.

It's a shame that they've gotten to know each other so late, now that Felix's time with them all is limited. 

He'd just have to make the best of it. 

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Hunched over the toilet, Felix continued throwing up. 

It's been a week since the dinner at Minho's and Jisung's and Felix's symptoms have been getting worse. It was getting hard to speak, he needed to have a bottle of water with him at all times. There's been more blood, too, but the medicine was doing its job and kept the growth of the flowers slow, so he only coughed up one petal, occasionally two. 

According to Dr. Song, he was still at stage two, thanks to the pills. He had called her, after he threw up another stem with leaves.

“Yes, that's a bit unusual for hanahaki, but I've done some research and it's normal for the fae.” She said. “It's not something new, so you don't have to worry, Mr. Lee. We'll…we'll continue with the same treatment right now.”

Felix was glad for his past decisions to keep the shop closed on Saturdays, as it meant he had some time for himself. Usually, he'd make himself a cup of tea or hot chocolate and watch his comfort shows, but…he didn't want to do that today. He simply wanted to have time to wallow in his sorrow. 

Panting, he stared at the blood in the toilet. His hair was stuck to his forehead and his shirt was drenched with sweat.

So much for a calm morning.

If that wasn't enough, Felix started feeling anxious practically…all the time. In his shop, the smile he had on was fake, as it felt like the walls were closing in on him, wanting to suffocate him. Well, that wasn't accurate. The plants there seemed like they wanted him gone, like they hated his mere presence and were scheming to get rid of him. He immediately looked up the symptoms, and only one thing came up that fit them.

Anthophobia. 

A fear of flowers. 

Ironic, really. He, out of all people, had to develop a fear of the only thing that's helped him throughout his entire life, just because of some untreatable illness. Hah. 

Felix grunted as he stood up, head spinning. He flushed the toilet, washed his face and then went ahead and collapsed on his bed. He was so tired. He just wanted it to be over. It didn't really matter how – cured or dead. 

(That was a lie. Felix was terrified and wanted to be cured. But it would be impossible, and he knew that, so he had to gaslight himself that it was okay and there would be worse ways to go. It was his one and only option.)

His phone pinged and he fished for it blindly, only turning his head to check on the notification.

Hynjinnn:

Hi Felix! Just wanted to pop in for a bit. Do u have time?

Ah. Hyunjin. He bought tulips this week – on Wednesday, if Felix remembered correctly. It was unusual for him to text, though. Yes, he and Felix were sort of friends now, after Minho's, but they still weren't all that close.

Me:

Yeah, I'm free today! What do you need?

Hynjinnn:

It's nothing too important, don't worry! Just wanted to know if we could chat for a bit :) 

According to Minho we're going to see each other more often, sooo

Me:

Hah, yeah! Makes sense (╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠)

What do you want to talk about??

Hynjinnn:

Basic stuff I guess?

Likee

What's your favourite colour?

Me:

Oh, wow

Don't you think u’re overstepping with that question? ⁠(⁠°⁠ｏ⁠°)

Hynjinnn: 

Oh, I shall pray for your forgiveness!

But really

What is it?

Me:

I like all colours, I guess, but...

Blue the most, I think? Not necessarily the darker shades or the bright ones, the softer colours

Like the sky 

Haha sorry I got a bit too into it

How about you?

Hynjinnn:

Same as you, I love all colours

But…hmmm…

I think I like soft yellow the most? Like, the colour you get at sunrise just before the sun actually appears 

And like your hair 

Also, don't apologize 

I think it's cute :))

Cute. Hyunjin thinks it's cute. Felix's stomach made a strange movement, as if it was…squeezing? Something akin to that.

Me:

Ah I wouldn't call it cutee

But if you think so (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Hynjinnn:

Oh I do think soo 

You're very cute, Felix

Oh. Now it wasn't Felix's stomach that was squeezing. His lungs decided it was their turn again. The faerie had to rush to the toilet again, coughing up the flowers this time. He wasn't getting enough oxygen, he felt lightheaded, as if the slightest breeze could knock him over. 

When he was finished, the first thing he did was check his phone.

Hynjinnn:

I don't mean that in a weird way tho

Please don't think I mean it in a weird way

Me:

Don't worry!! I don't 

I'm kind of used to being called cute heh 

(Blame Jisung for that)

Hynjinnn:

That's good then :))

I wouldn't want you to think I'm some creep. 

I could never be creepy…

Me:

Hyunjin really

It's fine! You're fine

And you're pretty cute too (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

Hynjinnn:

:DDD 

Talking with Hyunjin felt…normal. In a sense. It didn't feel forced, it wasn't uncomfortable it just…was. And that was something that's never happened to Felix before, so he found it scary. Just a bit. But the fear was there.

Hynjinnn:

This may sound weird buutttt

Do u have time tooo

Hang out? With me?

You don't have to obviously!

You're just nice to be around and I guess I’d like to get to know you better face to face haha

Only if you have time!

Oh, Hyunjin's nervous. That's…weirdly endearing. Felix chuckles, shaking his head before replying.

Me:

Don't worry, Hyunjin. I'd like to hang out too (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

I just don't have much time, I work in the shop a lot

You can come over whenever u want to

But it would probably be better if u came in the afternoon, I usually have smth in the morning

Completing orders and stuff like that

But we can still hang out there!

Hynjinnn:

I'd love that :DD

Maybe I can come on Wednesday? 

If you're okay with that!

Me:

Sure, Hyunjin

See u then?

:]

Hynjinnn:

Yeah!

See you, Felix 

:))

Felix felt himself smiling, only to gasp in pain as his chest started aching. He wasn't coughing though, no, it was as if he could feel the flowers growing – that never happened before. Tears sprang to his eyes as he tried to breathe through the pain. 

Fuck. With time, it got duller, but remained. Moments like these, filled with so much helplessness, made Felix realize just what was going on with him. He knew it, of course he did, but nothing could pick out the sprinkles of denial around his brain that just stayed, no matter how many times he's reminded himself of the fate awaiting him.

You're dying. You're dying and can't stop it, so don't hold on to that thin thread of hope.

As a trail of blood flowed down his chin, the doorbell rang. Felix tensed up, thoughts running multiple meters per second. Who is that?

It rang again, so the faerie got up and slowly made his way to the door. There was a voice, one that he knew very well.

“Lix-hyung~! Guess who–”

Jeongin's voice cut off as Felix opened the door and just then did it hit him. 

He didn't wipe off the blood. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Jeongin shut the door behind himself, placing his hands on Felix's shoulders and worriedly searching his face.

“Innie, I'm fine–”

“Bullshit, your mouth is– there's blood oh my god that could be literally anything and–”

“I probably just bit my lip, Jeonginnie, it's fine–”

“If you bit your lip, there wouldn't be so much blood! Oh my god, you could be seriously ill, we need to get you to the hospital!” The young siren started tugging on Felix's arm, trying to lead him outside.

“Innie, stop! I've already been there.” He sighs, shoulders dropping. “I've already been.”

Jeongin looks back at him with panic in his eyes. “Huh?”

“Sit down, please,” Felix gestured towards the couch, “I'll tell you everything, but first you have to promise me to not tell anyone else.”

Jeongin seemed hesitant, but listened and did as Felix said, in the end. 

The faerie prepared tea, hands shaking. He didn't want anyone to find out, much less his youngest friend. But it was inevitable, he had to explain now. 

He wished he wouldn't have to.

Jeongin watched him with concern as he put down the two cups on the table. Felix took a deep breath, hands curling around his pants. This would be the first time since the doctor's where he'd say it out loud. 

“It started over a week ago. I, uhm…well it's…there's…”

“Hyung.” Jeongin gulped. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know I don't gossip like Jisung-hyung.”

Felix chuckles, just for a fleeting moment. “That's true. Erm…I have…Jeonginnie, I have hanahaki.”

Silence.

“Is– is this a prank? Is Jisung here somewhere, recording? Because this– it's not funny. It's not funny at all.”

“I'm so sorry.” Felix grimaced. “But it's true. I have hanahaki.”

Jeongin opened his mouth a few times, gaping like a fish, before settling on a slightly cracked:

“What?”

“I have hanahaki.” Felix repeats as he looks to the ground, unable to look Jeongin in the eye. “I don't know how it's possible, but I have it. And before you ask, I can't simply confess, because I have no idea who it is that I have feelings for.”

More silence.

“Hyung…that's…you can't be…does that mean that you're going to…” The siren’s eyes filled with tears and Felix's heart squeezed painfully – Jeongin wasn't a crier. And yet, he was crying now. Because of Felix. 

Because of the flowers blooming inside his chest cavity.

Because of the flowers. The flowers are at fault.

“Yes,” he whispered softly, “there's no one to perform the surgery, or at least the hospital hasn't found them yet.” Felix took Jeongin's hands in his. “But they're trying. They're trying and they gave me medicine to slow the progress down.”

“No. N–no, you're not dying, no.” Jeongin squeezed the faerie’s hands, trembling. He shook his head, repeating what he said. “You're not.”

“Innie, I have around four months left.” Felix whispered softly, not wanting to escalate the situation. “But that's– it's not for sure, it can be more than that.”

“No. This isn't happening, no.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “You can't– hyung, you can't just– no. You can't go away forever. Please. You can't– there isn't– you–”

“Innie. It's okay.”

“Do you really not know who it is? Not even a hunch? Nothing? Maybe– maybe the flowers can be taken as some sort of a clue–”

“No. They can't. I don't even know what flowers they are. I have no idea who I'm dying for.” Felix let go, leaning his head back. “I've…been struggling to accept it. Obviously. But Innie, you know I wouldn't go down without a fight, right?”

A nod.

“Exactly. So don't worry, I won't just give up.” Lies. Such cruel lies. He's already done so. “And…don’t,” a sigh, “don't mention it to the others, okay? They don't know and they can't know.”

“But– why? You need all the support you can get! We can all help you, all you need to do is ask!” Jeongin raised his voice, still panicking. “We can all help you get through this! Hyung, you can't just keep this to yourself. This is your life we're talking about here.”

“Jeongin.” Felix's tone turned stern – just a little bit. “You know what Minho-hyung is planning. If I say something now, he's going to postpone it, and then if I…,” if I die, “don't get cured, I will never get to see my best friend marry the love of his life. Do you understand? I want to be there. And there's a great chance I won't get to. Not if they know.”

The response to that was even more silence. Felix only watched as Jeongin absorbed the information. He was trying to wrap his head around it, just as the faerie did only a few days ago. He shouldn't have found out this way – if it were up to Felix, he wouldn't have found out at all. But alas, fate had a different plan.

Jeongin still didn't like it, and he was very vocal about his opinion, but he promised to not tell anyone in the end. “Under one condition, though.” He added, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “You'll let me know if things get worse or if you need to get to the hospital.”

Felix smiled, feeling his shoulders drop. “Yeah, okay. That's fine with me.”

They finished drinking the tea in silence. Jeongin probably needed some more time to make sense of things – Felix could understand that. A bit too well. But…he was kind of glad, if he was being honest. That it wasn't a burden he had to carry alone. Not anymore, at least.

“How does it…how does it feel?” Jeongin whispered, frowning. “Can you feel the…the flowers growing?”

“No. I can't. Some days, my chest feels…heavy? In a way. But I can't feel the flowers growing – it doesn't hurt at all. The only thing that hurts right now is my throat, if I'm being honest. It's getting scratched often, by the petals. It's more of a nuisance right now, though.”

The siren asked some more questions, which Felix tried to answer as well as he could. When it was time for him to leave, he hugged the faerie tight, as if he could turn into dust any moment. 

“Lean on me whenever you need to.” He whispered. “You don't have to carry all of the weight alone anymore. You're not going to die, you're not.”

Felix hugged him back. He didn't believe that last sentence.

That's why the hug lasted half a minute more than usual.

•·—🏵️—·•

He was at the hospital again. For a check up this time.

“Good morning, Mr. Lee.” Dr. Song smiled at him, the dark circles under her eyes visible even through make-up. “How have you been? Any progress?”

There were people passing by, so they had to act as if he wasn't dying. 

“I've been…alright, mostly. It's not getting worse, but not better, either.”

“I see.” She hummed, fingers tapping on the book she was holding. “Not ideal, but it's good that the pills are working.” She put everything down and took out a flashlight from her pocket. “Say ‘ah’.”

Felix opened his mouth as wide as he could, looking out of the window as she checked the inside out. He watched a bird as it landed on a branch, looking around, singing, probably looking for a mate. It flew down to a lower branch, repeating its calls. Another bird joined, tweeting, before flying away. The first bird followed.

Would Felix be the same after everything's over? Would he roam the skies the same way as they do? 

Would he be free, or bound somewhere?

Dr. Song’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “It seems to have gotten worse…alright, we're going to need another X-ray to be sure, but your throat seems more irritated than before – too much for my taste, even. I'm afraid you may already be in early stages of stage three…”

Shit. 

“It's still very early, though. Stage three may be the one that you'll stay in the longest, if…if we're lucky.” 

If they weren't, then the longest would be stage four or five. Neither of those is good. In fact, if Felix remembers correctly, stage three is the last one that isn't going to cause him serious breathing problems. 

He's fucked either way, so it doesn't really matter.

“Stay on the medication, I have some with me right now if you need them. As for the X-ray…”

It only confirmed what they've already suspected – it was now at stage three. Stage two passed by unusually fast, which scared Felix at first, but then Dr. Song explained – or at least tried to – that it really is different with each victim, and that the amount of time he had left was a rough estimate. He may have more, he may have less – there is no way to know for sure, at least not until he reaches stage five. Five and six are the same with everyone – both together were one and half weeks. 

Felix hoped he'd be in a coma by then. 

He left even more scared than he arrived. So there was actually no way for him to know when he'd leave this world for good? Not the greatest thing to know. He quickly made his way back home, managing to down a glass of water before he immediately threw it up again, along with blood and phlegm and flower petals.

Three petals in total. 

A sob wrecked through Felix's body and he had to cover his mouth, so that he didn't hear himself. He didn't want to hear his own cries, not when others would have it way worse after…

Fuck, he's really going to die. He's known that for more than a week now but it still hit him way too hard. It was as if…as if someone came and bumped into him, when he first got the information, then left and for a little while he'd forget what was in store for him, only for the reality to come back and punch him in his stomach. That was the best explanation he could come up with, but otherwise his emotions were all over the place, chaotic, tangled in a net that caught all the positive thoughts and didn't allow them to make it to the surface.

He quickly went to text Jeongin – he was the one that knew the most about his situation, after all. He was surprised to see a message already waiting for him.

[Foxinnie – one unread message]

Foxinnie:

Hyung I did some research, and wanted to ask: which stage are you now? Just so I know what to…expect?

Me:

As of this morning? Stage three.

Foxinnie:

Wait but didn't u find out recently? How come it's this far already??

Me:

The doctor said that the time actually varies

And that I can't really trust whtv the internet

We hope that stage three will be the one I'll have the longest

Since it's the last one to not cause too many problems

Foxinnie:

You'll be okay hyung

I saw that in some cases having someone with you that can hit your back when you cough lessens the irritation from the petals

So

Any chance you're looking for a roommate?

Me:

Innie are you offering to stay here w/me?

I can’t make u do that (⁠╯⁠︵⁠╰⁠,⁠)

Foxinnie:

You're not making me do anything, I want to

Please hyung

U need someone there with you

To jelp

*Help

Me:

What would we tell the others though? 

It would be suspicious, Innie…

Foxinnie:

I thought things through 

We can say that I'm moving near, but the apartment I picked out isn't ready yet 

Or something like that

Pls hyung

I wanna help 

It was incredibly sweet of Jeongin to offer that, and it made Felix's heart squeeze in his chest. Yes, it would be incredibly useful to have someone that could help him – it wasn't a bad idea, not at all…

Which is how they ended up planning that Jeongin would temporarily move in on Thursday or Friday.

Maybe he'll move in permanently, since Felix won't need the apartment anymore. 

The remaining free time he had passed by quickly, so Felix got ready to open his shop for the rest of the day. It felt like there was something lodged in his throat, but he could tell it wasn't a bloom, no. This was the anxious feeling he'd grown used to lately – it was his brain playing tricks on him. Nothing was wrong, absolutely nothing, and yet it felt like there was danger looming in the shadows all the flowers cast, waiting for the right moment to strike and–

Felix quickly shook his head, trying to get these thoughts to dissipate. No, he wasn't doing that today. Hyunjin was coming over soon, wasn't he? Well, not soon, but definitely today.

The thoughts about the elf calmed Felix's racing heart, allowing him to breathe and clear his mind – there has been a lot going on inside there lately. Too many negative thoughts weren't good for his health. Well, it wasn't like his health was very good right now, but there was no reason to make it even worse than it already was. 

He started doodling in his “art” notebook – it was full of cartoon-like drawings. Felix was convinced that a child could do a better job but…it calmed him down, and that was enough.

The bell above the door jingled. The faerie looked up, a smile instantly appearing on his face.

“Hi, Hyunjin. Aren't you a bit early?” He closed the notebook, hiding it from sight. 

“Sorry,” the elf winced, “I was scared that I'd be late, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to be early instead. You– you don't mind, do you?”

“Oh, no! Don't worry, I don't mind. I'm glad you're here, actually, it was getting pretty boring.” Felix smiled, not forcing it for once. Hyunjin just had that effect – his presence itself was so calming that, for the first time since his condition has gotten worse, Felix didn't feel like the entirety of his shop was out to get him. Even his chest felt lighter, in a way.

“Ah, I'm glad.” Hyunjin scratched his nape. “Do you have anything you'd like to talk about?”

“Not exactly.” The faerie chuckles, leaning on his elbows. “I mean, what are the things people usually talk about when they become friends? Jisung just kind of latched onto me because we were roommates, Minho and Seungmin kind of came as a package deal, and I met our youngest friend online. So, you could say I'm not really used to making friends the “normal” way.”

Hyunjin hummed, standing by some of the flowers Felix had on display and running his fingers gently over their petals. “Life's not fun if everything’s all the same, right? And we could…uhh…play 21 questions? Or some other icebreaker games.”

Felix can't help but laugh again, even though his throat was hoarse. “If you just wanted an excuse to ask me questions, there's no need. I'll answer honestly, game or not. Plus, us faeries, we're not really known for lying, are we?” That wasn't really a lie – once upon a time, the fae actually couldn't lie. Some kind of curse made it impossible for them, but with time, as all of the magical species made peace with each other, that stopped being the case. They can lie, but Felix has never really felt the need to. 

Well…until now.

“Well,” Hyunjin rubbed his nape, eyes darting around the place nervously. Cute.

Wait. What? No, it wasn’t cute at all. Felix did not find it cute and he was not smiling from ear to ear. That would be ridiculous…

“It’s just that… we’ve kind of known each other for quite some time now, but we’re only now getting closer. It’s a bit weird, isn’t it?”

“Hm, maybe. But, as I've overheard many times from Jisung and Minho, being normal is boring. Everyone is weird in their little ways.” Felix shrugs. He noticed a notification on his phone – an order. A bouquet – red, white and pink tulips. Ah, how adorable. “Okay, if you'd just go to the back with me? I just got an order that I should do pretty quickly.”

“Oh! Right, yeah, of course. Why not. I’d love to see you working.”

The two moved into the back. Felix was running around, fetching all the flowers he needed, trying his best to hide the fact that he was trembling – the flowers were not going to hurt him, they were not. Plus, Hyunjin was here, and they liked him, so the fact that they were pulling away from Felix wasn't as obvious. Yay…

“Soo…since you're a florist, you know the meaning of individual flowers, right?” Hyunjin asked, looking around the room with awe. 

“I do!” Felix giggled, picking out the ribbons he’d tie the bouquet with. “Which ribbons fits better with these, the crimson one or lavender one?”

“Hm, probably crimson. Fits better with the red tulips, if it was only pink and white then I think the lavender would be a better fit.” Felix nodded and got back to work, clearing his throat every once in a while. It hurt. “Soo…do you try to put together what the bouquets you make could mean?”

“Of course I do! It's one of the most fun things I can do. The one that I'm making right now is either for a confession, a proposal or…hmm…maybe just expressing love. Each of these tulips have different meanings depending on the colours, and each multiple – white tulips usually mean forgiveness, but I think they mean respect in this bouquet. Pink means good affection and good wishes. Red is more dramatic, it's passion and eternal love – pink tulips actually mean love, too, just not as intense as the red ones.” Felix shuts his mouth, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. “Sorry, I get really passionate about my explanations sometimes, which leads to rambling and…”

Hyunjin put a hand on his shoulder, shocking Felix with how close the elf suddenly was. “Hey, it's okay! I love learning new stuff. Plus, what you're saying is really interesting. Mind sharing more with me?” His smile was gentle and felt reassuring, so Felix quickly found himself descending into more explanations of the meanings of individual flowers – and Hyunjin listened. He kept asking question, which the faerie happily answered, the conversation flowing easily. 

It almost felt like everything was normal. Almost like Felix wasn't dying. But of course, those thoughts crawled their way in even in the happy moment. Felix tried his best to ignore them, to try and look as carefree as he did just a moment ago. 

Hyunjin noticed the slight change in his demeanor, but didn't say a word about it.

When Felix finished tying the bouquet, they moved to the front again, hands bumping as they passed each other.

“So,” Hyunjin made his way back to where he stood before, “this might be a tricky question, but which flowers are your favourite? You must have a favourite, right?”

Felix smiled – the smallest smile so far, barely noticeable. But it was still there. “Would you believe me if I said that's the first time anybody has asked?”

“What? Are you serious??” Hyunjin actually seemed shocked, his jaw dropping and eyes wide. Felix couldn't help the laugh that escaped him.

“Yes! No one's asked. Whenever I went on a date or just got flowers for my birthday or some other celebration, everyone always assumed that I must like blue roses, because I like the colour and, according to them, “everyone likes roses.” The blue ones symbolise mystery and something unattainable…ah, I'm getting off topic. But…no one's ever asked which flowers I actually like.” Felix sighed, leaning into his hand. “It's not a hard question, though. Not for me.” He looked into Hyunjin's eyes, smile growing wider. “Sunflowers. I've always liked sunflowers.”

Hyunjin was smiling, too. Even wider than Felix himself. “Really? Mind telling me what they mean? I'm curious.”

“Sunflowers mean happiness, loyalty and adoration.” Felix touches a strand of his hair. “And I've been called “sunshine” a lot growing up, so my mind just somehow made the connection.”

“It's sweet, though. I like sunflowers – mainly their seeds, salted with crackers – but the flower itself is pretty, too!”

More laughter. So much of it. How unusual lately…

“What's your favourite flower, Hyunjin?”

“Ah…I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that.” He scratches his nape – a nervous habit, Felix noticed. “I don't think I have one. I like them all, you know? No special connections or anything, but…do you know which flower means “longing?”

“Let me think…camellias. Specifically pink ones, though. And lavender.”

Hyunjin smiles, his eyes fond as he looks into Felix's own. “Pink camellias, then. Along with sunflowers.”

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Momma cat:

Felix

I've decided

I'm going to do it today 

Me:

OH MY GOD

ARE YOU FR?? (⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠0⁠*⁠)⁠

Momma cat:

Yeah

I have everything planned

So

You'll be there, right?

I want you to be there, and Sungie too if he knew what was going on

Me:

Of course I'll be there!!

Name the time and place hyung

I need to look the prettiest I can!!

Well not the prettiest 

That's Jisungie’s job but 

You get me!

Momma cat:

I want it to be somewhere we both feel safe

So

6PM at my apartment, wear your best clothes

I'll tell Sungie that Hyunjin's birthday is coming up

Which it isn't because it's in March and it's literally the middle of May but

He doesn't know

Anyway

I'll tell him to fetch a cake I ordered, but it won't say happy birthday, it'll say smth else I still gotta figure that out

And when he comes back that's where you come in

You'll direct him to the bedroom and 

I'll ask him there

Me:

Aww Minhooo!

That's so adorablee

You've been thinking about it for quite a while, huh?

Well, you can count on me! I'll be there

Who else is attending?

Momma cat:

Everyone

I invited everyone

So we can celebrate afterwards

Me:

Okie dokie!

See you tonight then (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Felix put his phone down, softly coughing. Blood trickled down his chin, so he wiped it quickly. No one could see.

He was really tired, but work couldn't wait, so was currently wrapping a new bouquet when the bell above the door jingled. “Give me a moment, I'll be right there!” He shouted, immediately descending into a coughing fit. As usual. He was kind of used to it by now, how irritated his throat and vocal chords were. Was he used to the fact that he's going to die? No. Absolutely not. He'll probably never accept that, deep down in his heart, the hope will remain. Probably until his last breath.

“Felix? You okay?”

Oh. It was Hyunjin. He was now standing in the doorway, head cocked to the side. “Yep! I'm fine, just had a dry throat. I could reaaally use some water…” he blinked up at Hyunjin, jutting his lips in a pout. The elf sighed dramatically, as if it would physically harm him to give him a sip from the bottle Felix knows he carries everywhere.

“Ah, well, since it's you…”

The two have been hanging out a lot lately, almost every other day. It was really nice, and they've gotten quite close in the short time they've known each other. Felix liked Hyunjin, his presence made everything…bearable. Even if he didn't know what was going on.

Hyunjin passed him the water bottle and Felix gulped almost half of it down. Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but he wasn't actually annoyed – if he was, there would be a lot of drama by now.

“Thanks, Jin.” That was also one of the newer things. They've already started using nicknames, which usually takes a lot more time for Felix to feel comfortable with. But it's…it's just easy. With Hyunjin. It's easy to simply be and forget all about his situation. 

“No problem. But you should start bringing your own, Lix, I've been telling you that for how long, a week?” 

Oh yeah, another week passed. Felix had only…about three months left. It was still so strange to keep track because of that…

“I'll try, promise!” Felix chuckled, handing the bottle back to Hyunjin and – their fingers met. It was only a fleeting touch, but it had the faerie pull his hand back as if it had been burnt. He quickly returned to his work. “Really, I'll try my best to remember next time.”

“I'll believe you. Juuust this once.” Hyunjin playflully narrowed his eyes, his gaze moving onto the bouquet Felix was tying together. “Oh, are those daffodils?”

“Yup.” One of the many yellow flowers in the world – they were on his list of “potential lung inhabitors”, along with marigold, narcissus and many others. 

“Cool! Those are actually my birth flowers. Which is the reason why I recognized them – as you know, telling flowers apart isn't my strong suit…”

Felix laughed, shaking his head. “I've noticed, after you called those camellias peonies.”

“Hey! Those are very similar, Felix! You said so yourself when you corrected me!”

“Doesn't mean I won't tease you about it!”

Yeah, being with Hyunjin was easy. Surprisingly so, but still a welcome feeling. The two moved to the front of the shop again, but it was a very calm day, so they had time to chat

“Did Minho–hyung text you today?” Felix asked, watching as Hyunjin sketched something.

“You mean about the…” the elf mimicked dropping to one knee. “If that's what you're talking about, then yes, he's already texted me. I'm really excited, even if me and Jisung don't know each other for long – which I lament everyday – I’ve heard a lot from Minho–hyung. And I mean a lot.” 

“I'm excited too! And here's a secret.” They leaned in closer, faces inches apart as Felix whispered: “Jisung has a ring for him, too.”

Hyunjin gasped, grinning. “You're kidding!”

“I'm not! He really does. He bought it the day we all hung out for the first time.”

“I wouldn't have guessed. Those two really think alike, huh…it's creepy sometimes.” Hyunjin checked his phone and pouted. “Oof, my time’s up, I have to go. It's been nice seeing you, Lix, see you tonight!”

“Yeah!” Felix waved as Hyunjin left the shop, mood souring just a tiny bit. “See you…”

The atmosphere instantly plummeted. The cheerfulness that Hyunjin brought with him was replaced by a tightness that made everything feel…well, tight. The sunlight seemed dimmer, the flowers looked sadder and Felix…he felt exhausted. As if all the energy he had just a moment ago left with Hyunjin, as if it walked out of the door and disappeared in a puff of smoke. That couldn't be normal, even with his condition. Another thing he'd have to talk to Dr. Song about, it seemed.

He was way too tired to do more research. Plus, he couldn't trust the internet on this. The information on there wasn't as accurate as the notes on hanahaki that she’s acquired. 

Another terrifying thing Felix has noticed – he stopped sensing the flowers. Their aura. Not hearing them speak wasn't as bad, because they could simply choose not to, but not being able to feel them? Felix felt incomplete. As if some of him was missing. Not being capable of feeling the flora around, it…it was as if he'd suddenly lost a limb. 

He dragged the stepping stool that he had in order to reach the higher shelves and collapsed onto it, muscles protesting any and all movement. Something was very wrong. More than it was supposed to be.

Groaning, Felix reached for his phone and called Jeongin. 

“What's up, hyung-ah?”

“Innie…I think that I, uh, should probably go to the doctor's.”

“What? Why? Is something happening?” Then, in a whisper: “Is it already the next stage?”

Felix shook his head, repeating a bunch of “no’s”. “It's not that. But…something feels different. A wrong kind of different. Can you pick me up? Please? We have to go now, I don't want to miss tonight’s planned evening…”

“R–right. I'll be there in ten. Just– hang on, okay? Drink enough water, don't get dehydrated, eat something. I'll be right there.” With that, the young siren hung up.

Felix stared at the ceiling, breathing deeply. Or trying to, at the very least. He couldn't, not when his lungs refused to stretch to their whole capacity. 

Dr. Song surely had the answer and solution to what he was feeling. Surely…

Knowing that he should listen to what Jeongin's told him, Felix stood up, wincing. Why was he so stiff? Why did everything feel so…bad? The light was too bright, the sounds from the outside too loud, the clothes he had on too scratchy. What was going on with him? This couldn't be a side effect of hanahaki. It didn't feel like it. Was it something else? Or…

Did it have to do something with him not being human? He knows that the symptoms can differ because of each person's species, but…could that actually…

He always ends up with more questions and less answers. Always. Now he kind of wished that he wasn't the first person with hanahaki in decades.

He ate the granola bar that he found in a drawer and focused on its taste instead of the growing pain in his chest. 

Why can't this already be over. Why can't I just…why can't I already be–

Whoa. No. Nonono. NO. He cannot think like that. Not in a million years is he allowed to think like that. NOPE.

Hope was a strong but fragile thing – kind of like glass. Yes, that sounded strange, even to Felix when he was the one that came up with the comparison, but weirdly it…fits. Glass is one of the strongest materials, but it is still very fragile and can shatter easily. Like hope. It's strong, holds on, but a simple situation can completely shatter it until there's none of it left. 

Felix had none or a very, very thin thread of it left. But he tried holding on. If not for him, then for his friends. 

He still wanted to see Jisung with that ring on his finger.

The door opened and Jeongin rushed in, worried as always. “Hyung! Are you alright? Come on, we need to get you to your doctor. Did you call her already?”

“I didn't.” The faerie rasps out. “My body feels heavy. Like lead. I don't think I can…”

Jeongin put Felix's arm over his shoulders, carrying some of his weight. “I'll help as much as I can. Now, which hospital is it?”

It took them 20 minutes to get there – Felix texted Dr. Song in the meantime. She was already waiting for them as Jeongin helped Felix walk inside. Well, he wasn't exactly walking – Jeongin kind of had to drag him inside the building.

“Mr. Lee.” she nods towards him, leading the two to one of the many examination rooms. “Who is your friend?”

“My name is Yang Jeongin. I'd say it's nice to meet you, if the conditions weren't so…”

“No worries, I understand. Please help mr. Lee to the table, I'll be right back.”

Felix pants, as if he just ran a marathon. He didn't understand – what happened? He was fine yesterday. Hell, he was fine this morning. But now…it was as if he'd collapse any second. This was worse than any of the other symptoms so far. 

The faerie’s eyes kept slipping shut and he had to fight the tiredness that threathened to take him under. 

“Hyung…” a whisper made him open his eyes. They landed on Jeongin, who seemed absolutely terrified. “Don't close your eyes, please. Not until the doctor comes back. Please. Keep them open.”

“I'm not dying, Innie.” Felix chuckles, but it sounds weak even to his own ears. “Not today. It's– it's probably nothing, maybe just sleep deprivation. Okay? We'll find out what it is, get some medicine for it and we'll be on our merry way. And we'll get ice cream. How does that sound?”

After getting a small “ok” from the siren, Felix tries to convince his mind of the same thing. It was nothing serious. He was not going to stay for observation. Not today. He couldn't today. He had to be at Minho's.

Dr. Song came back after a while, Felix's file in her hands. “Alright, so you mentioned severe fatigue?” She frowns, looking around the room, as if something was bothering her – but Felix wasn't going to push.

“Yes. It– it was very sudden. I was fine all morning, I was talking with a friend just a moment before and when he left…I couldn't even stand straight and had to sit down.”

“Hm.” Her expression becomes thoughtful and, just for a hundreth of a second, there's fear behind her eyes. “Tell me, mr. Lee, what species is that friend?”

“He's…an elf. We've been talking for quite a while and nothing like this has happened before. So he's not behind it.” He had no idea why he got so defensive so quickly – but it was Hyunjin who they were talking about. He wouldn't hurt a soul.

Jeongin kept quiet, eyes darting between Felix and the doctor. “Should I…go?”

“No, Innie, you can stay. Please, stay.” Felix quickly shot him the best smile he could muster and turned back to Dr. Song.

“I am not accusing your friend of anything, do not get me wrong.” She shakes her head. “This is just a…very strange situation.” She puts down the file and pulls a small book out of her pocket, going through the pages swiftly before stopping somewhere around the middle. She reads for a while, the silence enveloping the whole room. Jeongin's leg started twitching and Felix held onto the examining table as if it was his lifeline.

“There is…one thing it can be. I hoped that this symptom would dodge you, but it seems like I was wrong.” She says after two minutes of complete silence. “Tell me, how is the access to your magic?”

Felix tilts his head, confused. “Huh?”

“Your access to magic. Or connection, whatever you prefer to call it. When you reach for it, how does it normally feel?”

“It's warm, as if the sun was shining on my whole body. It's like…when I close my eyes, I see golden strings that are tightly intertwined. I can separate them, take the amount I need for the action. I then return it after some time spent collecting from my surroundings, mainly my flowers. They give the needed energy to me willingly.” He pauses. “...Why?”

“Try reaching for it now, please. Eyes closed. And tell us what you see out loud.”

Still confused, Felix just shrugs and does what she asks. He closes his eyes, focusing on the familiar warmth he feels. In his mind, he makes the trip to his…well, others like to call the place where their magic resides their “core”, but Felix prefers the term “soul”. For him, it just feels better. So, he reaches and reaches but– nothing. He says it out loud, frowning, but keeping his eyes closed. He keeps trying, keeps reaching for the strands of gold, but they're nowhere to be found. In their place there's only a cold feeling.

“I don't– I don't understand. Why can't I reach– how is it not there–”

“Hyung, take deep breaths.” Jeongin was by his side, rubbing his back. “In and out, I'm sure that Dr. Song has a reasonable explanation.” He sent a glare towards the woman, making Felix huff. When he was angry, Jeongin looked like a fox, so his attempts at appearing threatening often ended up in him looking cute instead.

“I hoped this wouldn't be the case, but,” she sighs, “what you're experiencing is called a magical withdrawal. It can happen to many species, mainly to the fae, elves, witches and the like. It's not tied to a singular sickness or anything like that, but it happening simultaneously with your hanahaki is rarer than with other illnesses.” She stops and lets Felix absorb the information before continuing. “My theory is that the flowers are currently taking up too much of your body’s energy, along with your magic, and since you've mentioned the flora around you refuses to communicate with you in any way…you cannot return the threads of magic, and so you've completely lost the access to it. The only part of your body that can now reach it are your lungs. Well, the flowers.”

Felix gaped like a fish, opening and closing his mouth but his voice was gone. His connection with magic was…gone? Just like that?

“That is the reason for your fatigue – your flowers are taking too much at once, resulting in your brain choosing to–”

“Enough of this fancy jargon, please.” Jeongin jumped to Felix's rescue, as the faerie was too shaken up to speak. Again. He must look so pitiful. “Is there anything that we can do to help his body…I don't know, recuperate? Recover?”

“Right.” She clears her throat. “There is magic induced tea or magical fruits that you could consume – I recommend the tea, as it's cheaper, but a combination of the two wouldn't hurt. I can write the names of each down for you, and it would be good if you got some into your body today.”

“Wait–” Felix has to clear his throat before speaking again. “How come it was so…sudden? Why was I fine all morning?”

“Ah, yes, thank you for the reminder. Did you feel tired when you woke up? More than usual?”

“Y–yes, but I just thought I hadn't slept enough.”

“Well, the tiredness is supposed to be getting worse little by little. But since you were around your elven friend, your body took in the magic surrounding him – it didn't harm him in any way, don't worry, but that is the reason why it got so bad in a blink.”

“Oh…”

“I'm sorry that there's no good news, Mr. Lee…I'll now prepare a list of magical teas and fruits for you, if you'll excuse me.” She bows and leaves the room.

“Hyung…you're crying.”

Felix quickly wipes his eyes. “No, ‘m not. This is…it's nothing.”

“It's not nothing!” The siren argues, concern etched into his features. “You just learned you've practically lost a part of you that you've had since you were a baby – that's not nothing. You can let your emotions out, okay? You'll feel better once you get everything out…”

“No, Innie.” Felix smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes – Jeongin doesn't comment on it. “I've cried enough tears. I don't want to be all red and puffy anyway. Definitely not today of all days. You've gotten Minho's text, right? About the…”

“Yes, I did. But are you…you can't go there, hyung. Not in your condition–”

“I have to! I already promised Minho, and I'm Jisung's best friend. I have to be there. I know it's not– that it's not the best idea, but I'll be around people with magical aura, Innie, which means there won't be an issue with the fatigue! I need to be there, seriously–”

As the volume of his voice rises, Felix starts coughing. He can already feel the petals, so he stands up and hunches over the sink. Just as he managed to throw up the first petal and as it's falling down, the door opens and Dr. Song walks in again.

She curses. “Alright, please wait a moment longer – I'll get you a magical fruit now, you need it. There has to be someone between the attendings that has one.” She leaves again and the door slowly closes behind her as Felix throws up the second petal and three small leaves. How annoying.

“Hyung. Felix.” The faerie looks over his shoulder to see Jeongin properly. “Allow me to keep an eye on you there, okay? Please. Let me at least help you like that.”

Felix straightens up, grabbing some tissues to wipe the blood dripping from his lips. He knows, he knows he should be more careful, of course he does. It's just…hard. To throw away all that used to be normal. 

“Okay.” He turns his body to fully face the siren. “But don't be too obvious about it, please. I need to seem normal.” He was ready to start begging – as strange as that sounded. But he needed this evening to be perfect – for Jisung. The hybrid deserves it.

“I won't. I'll do my best, hyung. You can count on me.”

They ended up hugging there, almost the entire time they had to wait for Dr. Song to come back with the fruit she mentioned. Felix did his best to stay awake. 

He'd go home after this and get ready for Minho's proposal.

•·—🏵️—·•

“Hi! Get in, come on. He's almost here.” Minho greeted Jeongin and Felix with a smile. He was in a suit – without a tie – looking sweatier than he did after work. And that was saying something.

Felix had his red pullover with white and black hearts, with shortened sleeves and ripped jeans. His hair was done in a messy half-ponytail. And Jeongin? He just had a white t-shirt on. “What? It looks good. I know it does.” He defended himself when Felix questioned him.

The faerie felt a bit overdressed at first, but when he saw Seungmin in his white shirt and formal pants…he changed his mind. He was the normal one.

Changbin literally materialised behind him and lifted Felix in the typical bone crushing hug of his. 

“Lixie~! I haven't seen you in forever!”

“You– you saw me like two weeks ago.” Felix choked, hoping it seemed like it was because of the hug. He swallowed the blood that gathered in his mouth.

“Doesn't matter, it's still been waaayyy too long for me.” Changbin grins, putting Felix down. “Chan is on the way, like…five minutes away.”

Felix bit his tongue. Don't ask. Do not ask…do not aaasskk…they'll pry don't aaassk.

There's him, Changbin, Jeongin, Seungmin and Chan is on the way…that leaves…”And Hyunjin?”

Woah. Way to go, Felix, that did not sound suspicious at all. They'll totally think it's normal and won't ask you a hundred questions about the nonexistent relationship between you two. Haha.

“He went to the toilet.” Seungmin grumbles from the couch. “I'm getting hot…”

“I told you that you took this too seriously, Minnie.” Changbin walks over to him, softly smiling. “And you're always hot–”

“Guys, please.” A new voice says from the hallway. “In front of my drink?” It was Hyunjin, who made fake gagging sounds at the very obvious flirting. He raised the glass of water he was holding, wiggling it in the air a bit. “The splashing means: ‘stop being disgusting in front of us poor single people’. It's not all that hard to do, you just have to–”

“I never understand how you can be single out of all people.” Chan, who literally just walked in, says. Felix mentally does the math – if Chan already arrived, it meant that Jisung couldn't be far. Minho wasn't in the living room with them, which logically meant that…

“Shit, Minho's probably freaking out,” Felix announces and quickly makes his way to the bedroom and – just as he's said – Minho is there, pacing, messing up his styled hair.

“Hyung-ah?” He walks over, making Minho stop in his tracks. 

“I– I can't do it. I mean, it's just…it's Jisung and he's so, so amazing and…what if he says no? What if we'll have to break up? What if–”

“What if, what if’– hyung, as you said, it's Jisung. That guy loves you more than anything else in the world, believe me. He's not going to say no– I genuinely don't believe he'd do anything that doesn't end with you two engaged. So, take a deep breath, prepare for this thing that you've planned, and…go with the flow. He'll love it, believe me.” Felix smiles, feeling the familiar weight in his chest. Please, not now. He took the pills, he ate the weird magical fruit…there shouldn't be anything wrong.

Minho shakes his head. “You're right, you're right. I have to stop panicking or else Jisung will panic as well when he gets here.” He lets out a frustrated shout. “Why is this so hard…!”

“No one said it would be easy,” Felix squeezes his friend’s shoulder, “but you both deserve this. So. Are you going through with it?”

“Yeah.”

“That's the hyung I know. He won't say no, Minho. How long until he gets here?”

“Actually–” 

The front door opens. Felix smiles at Minho one last time before speeding out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He passed by the living room, noticing that everyone did their best to hide – behind the armchair, the couch…they were visible, but there weren't better hiding places, so it was understandable. 

“Babe, I'm back– Felix?” Jisung tilted his head in confusion. “I thought that we were all going to meet at Hyunjin's place…?”

Felix grins, ignoring the ache in his limbs. “Follow me.” He grabbed Jisung's wrist, leading him to the kitchen first. “Drop off the cake first, please.”

“Felix– Lixie, wait–” Jisung did as he asked but crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to move. “What's going on? You're acting weird. And…” he narrows his eyes, sniffing the air. “Why can I smell ash? Is Changbin here?”

The faerie playfully rolls his eyes. “Stop stalling and come on! Trust me. Nothing bad is going on, I promise.” The hybrid still looked sceptical, but even he couldn't resist Felix's puppy eyes. And so, Felix led him to their bedroom door.

“What?” Jisung shakes his head. “Lixie, you're being ridiculous, just tell me–”

“No can do!” He giggles, knocking on the door. “He's all yours, hyung! Don't keep him waiting!” Felix gave Jisung a small peck on the cheek – it was just their thing – and left him standing there. He returned to the living room, smiling ear to ear. 

“So?” Hyunjin whispered as Felix crouched down next to him. Well, behind him – they wouldn't fit behind the armchair otherwise.

“Wait.” The faerie whispered back, focusing. “Five, four, three, two, one…”

A screech filled the apartment. A happy one, though – Felix has heard his fair share of “Jisung” sounds, and this one definitely belonged to one of the happy ones. The next thing they could hear was a muffled yes, repeated over and over. 

Hyunjin looked over at Felix, who was already looking at him. They shared a soft smile – one a tad happier for Minho, the other for Jisung.

The door opened and Minho's and Jisung's voices got closer and closer, until they were at the entrance of the living room. At that moment, the rest all jumped up, yelling “surprise!” 

(Seungmin didn't. He said it in the most monotone voice he could muster – but even he was smiling. Felix knew he wouldn't keep up the “I don't care” mask for longer than five more minutes.)

“You guys…” Jisung covered his mouth with his hand – the one with the brand new engagement ring on it. “You all knew?”

“Of course we did.” Chan walked up to him first, patting his shoulder. “It was about time, too. We all know that. You two are it for each other.”

Felix's heart stung. He wondered when he'd find someone that would be it for him? Oh, wait. That's the thing. He won't. He quickly shook his head to get rid of those thoughts – he's been doing that a lot lately. He couldn't let today get worse, it was supposed to be a happy day. And it was. Totally.

Jeongin was the next one to congratulate them, granting Jisung's wish of a hug that lasted longer than a minute. Jeongin lasted for two before squirming and getting away from the hybrid.

Changbin materialised behind them, squishing them together before teleporting back to Seungmin, flashing his sharp canines. No matter how long he's known the demon, Felix will probably never get used to that particular ability of his. 

Seungmin just nodded at them and passed them two notes – he always did that. It wasn't as if he disliked affection, but he was very picky about when and how he'd show it. So, he passes notes with heartfelt messages whenever something big happens. Jisung's convinced he has most of them prewritten, if not all.

Hyunjin was next, whispering something to the couple that had Minho huffing in that amused way of his and Jisung giggling.

Felix was last. He came up to them, the widest smile on his face in weeks. “I'm so happy for you both. You're…you deserve to be together for as long as you possibly can and I'm so, so happy to be here for this. For you two. What you have is…incredible”

Jisung hit his shoulder, tears welling up in his eyes. “Stop itt. You knew a lot more about what we were both planning and still managed to keep it a secret. You're the incredible one here. You're…” a sniffle, “you're the best, Lixie.”

Somehow, that led to the three of them hugging, then Changbin joined and dragged Seungmin along, and that led to a huge cuddle pile moving to the couch that definitely wasn't built for eight fully grown men.

“Time to celebrate!” Jisung shot up, making almost everyone topple to the ground. “Wait. I'm exhausted though.” He drops back onto the couch. “Can we just watch something and call it a night?”

They all agreed, Felix the loudest – he couldn't drink because of the meds he was taking, so that would seem weird and he was too tired for any real celebration. He didn't know if that was because of the “magical withdrawal” or if he was just actually tired and needed sleep. He didn't know what to think anymore, what to believe. It was…difficult.

Minho turned on the TV. It was on the News Channel, for some reason, and before he managed to switch to Netflix…

“We've just gotten a report that a person with Hanahaki disease has been spotted today. That is the first case in decades, and…”

Felix, who was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and next to Hyunjin, of all people, froze. What? How did…Dr. Song promised it wouldn't get out. She promised. What happened? How did it get out? Did someone see somehow? Did some other doctor spill? 

He made eye contact with Jeongin, who looked as surprised as he was – everyone was surprised, actually. So their reactions weren't strange.

“Oh my god.” Chan whispered. “How terrible. I hope that person is okay…” Felix gulped.

“I can't imagine what they must be feeling. I mean…everyone thought hanahaki was gone for good, right?” Changbin added. Felix's hands started shaking. 

“I…God, I couldn't imagine knowing someone who's going through that. Much less having it.” Jisung shook his head. “Can you switch to Netflix, Min?”

“Right away.”

How did it get out. How the fuck did it get out. Felix kept thinking, trying to figure out what could've possibly happened, but nothing came to mind. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin whispered, very close to Felix's ear all of a sudden. “You okay…?”

“Y-yeah. It's just…the news is pretty shocking, I guess.” He smiled, but he knew – it wasn't convincing enough. Hyunjin dropped it, though. It must've been written on his face, the fact that he didn't want to talk about it. 

“So what are we going to watch y'all?” Changbin yelled, making Jisung giggle – and gone was the tension. 

They ended up putting on Howl’s Moving Castle, Jisung's favourite movie. Felix couldn't focus, though, because his mind refused to let go of the News. The world knows there's someone with hanahaki. It's only a matter of time before they find out it's him. And when they figure it out, when everything–

Something touched his hand. When the faerie looked, he could see that it was Hyunjin's hand. The elf pulled away again, just to put his hand palm up. He didn't demand anything, didn't bring attention to the two of them, he just placed it there, waiting. Offering his hand to Felix, offering silent comfort. And they faerie didn't even hesitate to take it. 

They sat there, on the floor throughout the whole movie...with their fingers intertwined.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Not even a full week after Minho's proposal, Jeongin officially moved in with Felix and he…felt a bit better. He had to admit, it was nice to have someone there by his side, someone who knows. It made things a bit more bearable. 

It was amazing how caring Jeongin was, given his nature and how he acted towards others. Felix has always been his favourite, though. In a way. So, it kind of makes sense to him, this side of the young siren – it doesn't feel alien to him.

Jeongin acted like a helicopter parent at first, but after Felix practically begged him not to hover all the time, he stopped. His support was now more quiet – food left on the counter, glasses of water left in the bathroom and his bedroom, cough syrup everywhere (though that doesn't help at all, it was still thoughtful). 

Felix was worried about his mental health though – knowing that a person you're close to is dying relatively soon cannot be good for you. The siren said nothing, though, and simply continued with his silent support.

Even in ungodly hours of the morning.

“Hyung?” Jeongin knocked on the bathroom door, concern evident in his voice. Felix just had another one of his fits – three petals in total, lots of blood. The sounds he made must've woken the younger up, as it was around 5AM and Jeongin didn't have to get up until seven. “Are you alright?”

“It's– it's fine, Innie. Nothing different from the usual.” 

“It…sounded bad, though. Are you sure you're okay? Absolutely sure? I mean, of course you're not completely okay, but is your throat–?”

“Innie, please. I'm okay. There's nothing new or unusual. Does my throat hurt? Yes it fucking does. But at this point, I'm…used to it. More than before, that's for sure.”

He could hear Jeongin sigh, very loudly, but he whispered an “Okay” and left, probably heading to his own room. With him gone, Felix finally allowed some of the tears to escape from his eyes. He had enough of this. Enough of the stupid flowers, enough of feeling so down all the time, enough of all the bad news. 

One of the better things lately is his still fairly new friendship with Hyunjin. Anytime the elf comes to the shop and they get the chance to talk, to hang out, everything just feels…lighter. Every single time they meet, exactly like the day Dr. Song told him what magical withdrawal was. Felix's mood, his chest, the atmosphere is just better in Hyunjin's presence. The fact that the threat of the exhaustion afterward is gone, too, lets Felix truly enjoy the company. The light mood follows him for like an hour after Hyunjin leaves, and then he gets the worst coughing fit of the day. He has no explanation for that, so he simply does his best to ignore it. 

Felix stood up, holding onto the sink, flushing the toilet with his other hand. He was a bit dizzy, he'd admit, but he hadn't drank his tea or eaten, so he was also exhausted. Walking back to bed it was. He had to hold on to the wall as he made his way there, stopping every two steps to take deep breaths. Eventually, he did get to his room, only to freeze in the doorway.

Jeongin was there, curled up into a ball, sniffling. The sight was breaking Felix's heart.

“Innie?” The siren's head snapped up.

“H–hyung, I was– I'm just– there isn't–” he started shaking his head, eyes shut tightly.

“Innie,” Felix walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, “talk to me. Please. If it's– if it's my fault that you're upset–”

“It's not! It's…it's not.” Then, in a mumble he added: “Not directly…"

Felix felt his heart squeezing. So it was his fault. Well, not really his. It's because of the flowers. Because of the stupid disease that came out of nowhere. “Jeongin–ah…spill. Let it all out. It will only get worse if you don't talk about it. Come on.”

The siren nodded, but stayed quiet for a moment longer. “I guess…I tried telling myself that…that it wasn't as severe as you told me. That you'd magically get better, that there was no way you'd…” he paused, gulping. Felix only listened, squeezing Jeongin's shoulder. “But…hearing you cough lately and the visit we paid to the hospital a week ago is..it's…it's like a constant reminder that it's real. That the chances of you getting better are…that they are slim. And hyung, it hurts. It hurts so much and I…only the thought of losing you…”

They were both crying now. And not the pretty crying you see in dramas, no – the ugly crying, tears mixed with snot. And phlegm, in Felix's case.

“Jeongin-ah, you– you should've told me!” Felix hugs him, squeezing tightly. “You should've told me how you feel, you dummy. I would've been more careful. I wouldn't have– I wouldn't have forced you to move in.”

“You didn't force me! I wanted to, or did you forget? I want to be here for you, Lix–hyung. I wouldn't be capable of sleeping peacefully if I didn't know you're right in the next room, breathing. Please, let me stay.”

Felix looked into his eyes, searching for…he wasn't sure what for. Panic? Fear? Sadness? But he only found determination instead. 

“Okay,” Felix whispered, pulling the younger in again, “you can stay. But tell me about your feelings if they ever get so…so overwhelming again. Okay?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I can do that. Promise you'll let me help more?”

“Yeah. Of course. Just don't overdo it, hm? Don't turn into a helicopter friend again. I can take care of myself, I only need help when I specifically ask for it.” Felix pats Jeongin's head, the pain in his chest getting worse. Not only because of the flowers there, but because his friend was hurting. 

“I know that.” Jeongin sniffles. “I promise I won't be like that again. I'm just worried.” They were both quiet for a few moments, letting their conversation sink in properly. “Can I sleep here? I know you have to get up early but…” the siren asks, shoulders tense. 

“Of course you can. Whenever you feel the panic creep up on you, you can come here. Now come on, it is almost June but the nights are still cold.” Felix shuffles on the bed, raising the covers so that they can both slide under them. 

Sleep came easily afterward.

•·—🏵️—·•

Felix smiled at the woman, handing over the blue roses she wanted to buy. “Take care of them, have a great day!”

She returned his smile, took the flowers and with a “you too!” left the shop. Felix took a sip of the tea Dr. Song prescribed. He didn't know what to expect, but it definitely wasn't the sweetest drink he's ever tasted. It was as if strawberries, cotton candy and maple syrup were made into one drink. Luckily Felix had a massive sweet tooth and happily sipped the tea as he worked. 

It got a little better – the exhaustion didn't come back, at least not as bad as it was before. He was only tired in the morning before his breakfast, which included waffles (made by Jeongin) and the magical fruit (Felix forgot its name. It was just magical fruit to him). 

However, he started throwing up stems again. Sometimes with petals, sometimes without. It was strange, but the stems alone hurt less than petals and leaves. Maybe because they were thinner? Felix had no idea and didn't have the time to find out. Dr. Song had assured him many times that it's one of the “normal” symptoms for the fae, but it felt strange all the same. As if there was something he was missing.

He started playing with his hair, curling the blonde strands around his finger. He should probably dye it – when the news about the “first person with hanahaki in decades” broke, Felix checked the articles as soon as he got home and sure enough, there was a loose description of him. The only thing that stood out about him were his slightly pointy ears and blonde hair – he couldn't change the ears, but the hair…that he could. He's already talked about it with Jeongin, but they couldn't decide which colour to choose. Seems like he'd need more opinions. 

Just as he was about to message the group chat with him, Jisung and Seungmin, the door opened and the latter walked in, Changbin following closely behind. 

“Hey guys!” Felix greeted them, hoping his voice wasn't too rough.

“Hey, Lix.” Seungmin smiled, while Changbin left his side in order to explore the shop – he always did that. Felix had no idea why, but he just ignored it. It was probably demon related stuff, and he had no interest in learning that. 

“What brings you here? You don't visit very often, Seungmin~” Felix teased, leaning on his elbows. He could feel his lungs struggling to expand properly, something that signified the fact that the roots of the flower he's “growing” have spread further in the organ. How lovely.

“Ah, nothing too important…” he tried to feign nonchalance, but all it took to break it was one eyebrow raise. “Ugh, okay, okay. Jisung wants us both to be his best men–”

“Naturally.”

“–and he wants us to have very, uh…specific suits. He wants both us and Minho's best men– aka Chan and Hyunjin – to have them done similarly. I think you'd be the one that could somehow make it work?” Seungmin actually sounded unsure – that was, like, the first time Felix has seen him so nervous about something. The faerie first drank more of the tea before replying. Changbin came back during that time, seemingly satisfied with what he found. (Which was quite literally nothing.)

“Okay,” he wipes his mouth, “How does he want them to look and why am I the best choice to bring the idea to life? I'm not a tailor.”

“No, but the design includes flowers. Like, real flowers.”

“I…don't think I follow.”

Seungmin sighs, pulling out his phone. “I spoke with Jisung and he sent me these – sketches made by Hyunjin but the design was Jisung's idea. It's just suits, various shades of grey for each of us, and they have flowers on them.” He turns the phone around after finding the image, showing it to Felix who carefully studied it. “Jisung wants real flowers attached.”

“What?” Felix's eyes widen. “Using fake flowers would be so much easier though! Why does he want real ones?”

“He said he wanted them to “be authentic and actually smell good.”

“Why not use perfume for that? Ugh, Jisung…” Felix runs a hand through his hair, letting it fall into his face. “That's where I come in, right? No flower can stay attached to a suit and stay alive and well. They would wilt quickly…”

“Yep.” Seungmin pockets his phone again. “I thought that if you used your magic on them, they could maybe survive the whole day.”

But I can't access my magic. Not as easily as I did before. He said none of that, of course. “I don't think it'll work. I can communicate with the flowers, yes, but I don't think I'm capable of keeping them alive when they lack everything that keeps them alive.” He pouts. “We have to tell Jisung it's not doable.”

“You do it.” Seungmin shudders. “I've dealt with the bridezilla enough today.”

“...It's that bad?”

“You have no idea.” Changbin pipes up, shaking his head. “He's all over the apartment with various books, printed images, sticky notes with information or ideas…it's wild. Never thought I could see Sung more nervous than he was when he was planning to confess to Minho.”

“Can't say I'm surprised.” Felix takes out his phone, scrolling in his recent calls until he finds Jisung’s contact. “He's always been the type to panic quickly and loudly. Especially in matters surrounding his relationships.” He clicks the “call” button. It rings three times before Jisung picks up.

“Hi, hey, hello Lixie!” Oh. He sounds like he hasn't slept for two days and is close to a scientific breakthrough. His nerves must be through the roof.

“Hi, Sungie.” Felix puts the phone on speaker. “I have Seungmin here, he told me about the suit idea you had? With the flowers?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah. I thought that I wanted something slightly different for everyone, but maybe the flowers could be the same kind? Honestly, you should choose, you're the one that knows the most about their meanings and–”

“Sungie.” He interrupts, already dreading his friend's reaction. Seungmin was listening intently and Changbin was trying to seem like he also wasn't listening in. “I'm sorry, Sungs, but it's undoable.”

Silence. Then, a very quiet: “Huh?”

Oh fuck, he sounds do sad. A sad Jisung never means anything good – if Minho sees him with even slightly glossy eyes, he flips out. “Sungie, my magic can't keep the flowers alive – they'd still need ground to grow from in order for me to enchant them to live longer than they normally would. But don't– don't be sad, there's the option of using hyper realistic fake flowers and we can get perfumes to make them smell real.” Felix tried to bring down the tension he could feel through the call. Seungmin’s jaw was tense as he waited for Jisung's response.

“I thought…I hoped that we could figure something out.” They could hear sniffling. “But if you are saying we can't do it, then we…can't. We'll– we'll go with the fake flowers then. Lix, do you know any places where we could buy the perfumes you mentioned?”

“Yeah, I do. Don't worry about that, okay? I can get both the flowers and the perfume. You have to focus on so many things at once – it must be exhausting, and that's okay. You're tired and stressed and it's completely understandable in your situation, so don't beat yourself up about it, yeah? How about this, I'll come over once I close the shop and we can have cake while talking about your plans. How's that sound?”

There the sniffling was again, but Felix could hear a smile in Jisung's tone. “Okay. I'd love that. I think I might take a nap now, actually. You're right, I am tired.”

Seungmin stared at Felix, mouth open in shock. Changbin was just as surprised, but his mouth remained closed.

“Okay, I'll see you later then. Bye, love you!”

“Love you too.”

“Damn.” Changbin grinned. “You've got him wrapped around your finger. We both tried to calm him down while we were at his place, unsuccessfully, and here you come and do it without even properly trying!”

“I just know him.” Felix smiled softly, drinking some of his tea again. His throat was sore and his chest right – he'd surely have another fit soon. He's learned to notice some of the things pointing towards them. “I only told him what I knew he needed to hear – validation and help without outright saying I'd be helping.” He shrugged. “He and Minho might be soulmates in the romantic sense, but me and him are ones in a platonic sense. We're practically twins. Sometimes I swear I can tell what he's thinking without asking.” 

“Well,” Seungmin cleared his throat, “thank you for the help. Seriously. I can't believe that getting you to talk to him was the answer to practically all problems.”

“It's no problem, really.” Felix straightens up, pocketing his phone again. “Now that that's solved, do you two need anything else? Flowers, for instance?” 

At that, Seungmin looked over at Changbin who was trying his best to not look at his boyfriend. 

“Bin. We've been over this so many times. You don't have to be embarrassed! Just say it!” Changbin somehow managed to make himself look smaller than he actually was – be that illusion magic or just his hunched shoulders. Seungmin facepalmed, but took the reins in the end.

“Bin wants to know if there are any flowers that he could grow without them dying. Something heat resistant that isn't cacti.”

Ohh. That made sense. As a demon, Changbin was hot to the touch most of the time, more than the average person – of course he'd burn any flowers he tried to touch when he wasn't careful about keeping his temperature normal. There were special things made for demons, clothes, paper, literally anything they'd need for everyday use. But no flowers.

“Let me think.” Felix grinned, tapping his fingers against the counter. “There’s a bunch of heat resistant flowers, like asters or zinnias, but those are used to handling direct sunlight. I'm not sure they'd be the correct option, but…” narrowing his eyes, the faerie turned his head in order to look at the entrance to the back. “...I might be capable of enchanting some seeds so that they'd grow in a way that would make it possible for you to handle them, Bin. I can't guarantee that it'll work, but there's a chance it might.”

Both of Felix's friends visibly lit up at that, so je couldn't help but smile widely. “You'd be a literal angel if you did that, Lix.” Changbin put his hands together as if he was praying – ironic, really. “Can you try to do that?”

“Of course. I'll check the back for seeds and come back right away.” He slips to the “storage” room, where he keeps most of the supplies for bouquet making, poisonous flowers and the seeds.

He searches for both the flowers he named earlier, but only finds one of them. He's always liked asters more, anyway. He returned to the front, holding the pack of seeds as some prize.

“I got asters. Now, give me your hand, Bin. I need to feel how hot you are when– stop snickering, Seungmin, you know that's– I did not mean it that way!”

The shapeshifter shuts his mouth, though the amused smile stays on his face. Felix does his best to ignore it. 

After holding Changbin's hand for a bit, he closes his eyes, sensing all the magic around. He focused on Changbin's and his own, differentiating the threads of red – Bin’s – and gold – his. He picked two of each and wove them together, letting them sink into the seeds of the asters.

As soon as the charm is done, Felix feels the lightheadedness creep up on him. Fuck. He took too much without drinking enough of his tea beforehand. Now he just needed to seem normal, at least until he “recharges”.

“And there,” he opens his eyes, ignoring the black dots at the corners, “it's done. Now listen, ‘cause they're not going to grow if you don't take care of them properly…”

He described what to do to make the conditions as good as possible and Changbin listened, nodding along.

The two waved goodbye not long after and Felix felt his body dropping before he could as much as blink. He collapsed onto the floor, wincing as his knees hit the floor. Yet again, his limbs felt too heavy to move, as did his tongue. Everything felt heavy. Even his eyelids. Maybe he could…close them, just for…a second…

NO.

He fought to keep them open. He couldn't afford to fall asleep– or, well, pass out. He had to stay awake. The tea was just on the counter, a few sips, maybe even one could be enough. Felix just had to reach it. His muscles protested, but he managed to haul himself up just enough to reach the counter. He sighed, relieved and finally managed to stand up fully, immediately drinking some of the tea. It took a minute or two, but Felix felt more energised. He checked the time. Just three more hours to go…

Felix was his own boss, he's always been, but he never left earlier than the closing time he had posted everywhere. It just didn't feel right to leave before it. So, he stayed. Every day, without fail from 7:30am to 4pm – plus cleaning up, so technically almost 5pm.

It was even more exhausting lately, staying between flowers for so long.

Sighing loudly, Felix checked his phone. He didn't even know what for. But it's been more than five days since he's seen Hyunjin, which may not be much, but…he's gotten used to the fact that he sees the elf almost every day. It was strange to feel this way. Hyunjin was a good friend, sure, but so was Jisung and he didn't really feel so…clingy, even if he hasn't seen his hybrid friend for more than a week. 

Felix had no idea what to make of his feelings. They were like a confusing mix of colours, each representing a different emotion – blue for sadness, grey for exhaustion, orange for nervousness, purple for fear…and a lot more different shades that Felix couldn't name. Hyunjin probably could, being an artist and all. But Felix wasn't about to tell him about it, because then he'd have to explain all the hanahaki business and he just…couldn't. He couldn't deal with another person walking around eggshells around him, much like Jeongin did at first. He just couldn't. One friend knowing was enough. 

He wouldn't want to burden anyone else with his problems. They were his to carry and solve. Even Jeongin doesn't know the true extent of what's been happening – he knows about most of Felix's fits, sure, but Felix kept the fainting and most of the frequent exhaustion a secret. Jeongin had enough on his plate. The faerie was just protecting him.

But secrets…they never stay hidden for long.

•·—🏵️—·•

“I'm so glad you're here.” Jisung slumped against Felix right as he opened the door, whining. “Everything is so overwhelming and I'm starting to regret telling Minho that I want the wedding as soon as possible.” 

It was two months from now. Felix wondered if he'd even be capable of attending. He hoped he would be. Wanting to see Jisung's wedding was one of the reasons he hadn't fallen deep into the rabbit hole of his mind.

“You just need to take a break, Ji.” Felix closed the door, taking his friend around his shoulders. “We'll eat this chocolate cheesecake I brought and talk about something different to help you relax. Stress isn't good for you.”

Jisung nodded, gratefully taking the cake from Felix's hands. “You're right. I have to take a break. I'll cut this– you can go to the living room and talk with Hyunjin.”

Felix's heart stopped beating for two seconds before starting up again, faster than before. Weird. “What? Hyunjin's here?”

“I didn't tell you…? He's helping me with the preparations! He's designing the invites. Y'know, being an artist and all he's the best option.” He shrugs. “Obviously I'll want you to help with the flower arrangements. You're the best florist I know.”

“...I'm the only florist you–”

“As I said, the best florist I know.” Jisung grins, but his eyes still look tired. “Go to the living room, I'll be right there. Hehe, cheesecake…” he giggled as he left Felix standing in the hall.

The faerie shrugged and made his way to the living room. And indeed, there on the couch sat Hyunjin, paintbrush in hand, focusing on the sketchbook in front of him. He didn't even notice that Felix walked in at first, too engrossed in creating the “perfect invite.” Felix had to clear his throat for the elf to look up. 

“Oh! Hi Felix.” He grinned, putting the paintbrush down on a napkin that was already stained with colour. “You know I don't bite, you can sit.” 

Felix chuckled, choosing to sit on the couch right next to his friend. “Hi. What do you have so far?”

“Ah, I'm just playing with the colours right now. Trying to choose the one that fits best with the design Minho sent me. The words themselves and their font will be up to Jisung– by the way, thank you for talking him into taking a nap. I was on the phone with Minho earlier and he was getting worried.”

“No biggie. I like taking care of my friends.” Felix moves his gaze back to the card on the coffee table. “Mind teaching me something about the paint you're using?”

“There's nothing interesting about it. It's definitely not more interesting than your flower language.” Hyunjin reaches for the paintbrush anyway. “I'm sure you painted with these as a kid in school. I'll be using something more expensive for the real invites.”

“So you're really making them all by yourself?”

“Yeah. I have lots of time right now, especially because summer is right around the corner. I love teaching dance, but it's nice to have a break from all the kids.” Another one of his grins. Felix really likes the way his nose scrunches slightly when he does that. “Don’t worry about me, I can make the invites with no problems. Gives me something to do, too.”

Felix coughs a bit, just enough for a small drop of blood to gather in the corner of his mouth. He doesn't really notice it, paying more attention to what Hyunjin was saying than the metallic taste in his mouth. He was used to it at this point, so he ignored it.

The person sitting next to him noticed, however.

Hyunjin's brows furrow. “Felix, are you–”

“I got cheesecakeee!” Jisung comes in, smiling widely. “I already tasted it and it's delicious, so thank you Lixie for providing very much needed emotional support.”

Hyunjin seems to mind the interruption for, like, five seconds before returning the hybrid’s smile. “Don't eat the rest of it in one sitting after we leave.”

“Whaat?! I would never!”

Felix takes one of the pieces for himself, enjoying the banter. “You would, Ji, don't even try to deny it. I can picture it – Minho coming back to find you sprawled on the couch with your mouth and chin covered in chocolate.”

“Hey! Name one time something like that happened!” Felix gave his friend a deadpan look. “...on second thought, don't. Anyway– Hyunjin, any progress?” Jisung sat down on one of the armchairs that faced the couch, even though there was enough space on Hyunjin's left. Huh. 

“Not really, but I know that you mentioned that both you and Minho like soft shades, so I'm focusing on that.” Hyunjin pointed to the few cards he's already painted. Felix was ashamed to admit he didn't really notice them before, he was too focused on Hyunjin and their small conversation. 

There was a lot to choose from – soft purples and blues, oranges and yellows, red and pink, turquoise and even some darker shades, like indigo. Felix couldn't really choose, because Hyunjin was so talented and…all of them looked perfect. 

“All of these are very pretty, but…” Jisung tilted his head, eyes narrowed in concentration. “None of them feel like us, you know? I think these combinations are too…normal. We need an unusual combination, I think. Can you try coming up with some?”

Hyunjin just shrugs, quickly mumbling a “sure” before going to work right away. Jisung turns to Felix.

“Now, which flowers are usually at weddings?”

“Roses and peonies.” Felix says right away, not even hesitating. He'd gotten many orders for weddings, and the amount of pricked fingers from the thorns he failed to notice…

“Riight…well, which flowers do you think would suit me and Min? Without paying attention to their colours right now. I want to hear everything you have to offer.”

“Well,” Felix bites the inside of his cheek, thinking, “I'd probably try and use your birth flowers somehow, along with your favourite ones. The combinations are endless right now, so I'll spare you all of the names.” He cleared his throat, feeling the restlessness of the flowers in his lungs, as if they somehow knew he was talking about something important. But that was not possible. “I could see flowers like peonies and such in combination with cosmos and asters or morning glories, but everything depends on the colour scheme you end up choosing.”

Jisung was listening intently, humming along. “Hm, okay. That makes sense. I'm so glad to have the two of you as friends, because I can't imagine having to deal with this without someone who understands this shit.” He chuckles, finishing the slice of his cheesecake– right, the cheesecake! Felix didn't even start eating yet. 

The faerie moved the bite to his mouth and had to admit that his friend wasn't lying when he said that cheesecake is one of the most delicious desserts in the whole world. Felix still liked his own brownies more though.

“I'm more than happy to help, Jisung.” Hyunjin piped up for the first time since he started painting again. “I'm glad to actually have something to do this summer.”

“I'm excited to be doing this too.” Felix adds, mouth still full. He swallows the bite before speaking again: “It's been a while since I've done something for a wedding, and the fact that it's yours only serves to make my excitement bigger and bigger.”

Jisung was grinning widely, literally radiating cheerfulness while listening. “I'm really glad– Hyunjin. Stop, you don't have to paint anymore.” Jisung picks up one of the painted cards. His eyes narrow, lips in a pout before he nods a couple times and starts smiling again. “This is it. These are the colours.” He put it on the table again and Felix finally had a chance to check which “unusual combination” the hybrid chose.

Soft shades of pink and green. 

“Yeah.” Felix looks his best friend in the eyes. “These definitely suit you.

•·–🏵️—·•

Hynjinnn:

Hi Lix 

Just thought I'd pop in for a bit

I noticed that there was a droplet of blood on your lips today, after you coughed

Are you okay?

Me:

Of course! Don't worry

Bit my cheek hard by accident earlier

The cough must've irritated it or something

I'm fine, don't worry (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

Hynjinnn:

Okay!

If you say so 

You'd tell me if anything was happening, right? 

Well not only me the others too 

You'd tell us, wouldn't you?

Me:

I would!! Don't worry

I couldn't keep something so big to myself

Felix was such a liar. He had no idea if what he was doing was even good anymore – not telling his friends the truth. But telling them would only make things worse, wouldn't it…? This, the flowers in his lungs that slowly grew more day by day, it was his to carry. Jeongin was an exception – he knew more than anyone else, and yet he still didn't know the full extent of the side effects Felix was experiencing. And he'd never learn those. The faerie would make sure of it.

Hynjinnn:

Okaaay then 

It was nice to talk to you today by the way!

I'd like to try and stop by the shop tomorrow

If you'll have me

:))

Me:

You're welcome anytime, Jin! You know that

I'll be looking forward to it

(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

He'd apologize for his deceptions later. He had no other choice. But he was sure the others would understand. Eventually.

Sighing, he wished Hyunjin a quick goodnight, plugged the charger to his phone and put it on the bedside table. He had another fit earlier – three petals and a stem this time. A “normal” amount of blood. Almost no phlegm. It was tiring. 

Felix stared into the ceiling for a solid minute before finally allowing his eyes to rest. The days have all dragged by slowly lately, which only added to his exhaustion. The tea and fruits helped, sure, but still….it was still there, in the back of his mind. He could ignore it all he wanted during the day, because he had to focus on work and staying calm, but the moment he stops for even a second it's there, tempting him to sit down and just sleep. But he knows he can't. 

He closed his eyes, the movement faster than he could really register it. Hopefully, he'd get some rest tonight, without interruptions. 

Hopefully.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Felix was standing in a flower field. It stretched as far as he could see, covered in so many flowers of different kinds and colours he felt like he was in heaven. He could smell them in the air, fresh and sweet as always. 

He took a deep breath, his lungs stretching as much as they could. It was refreshing, to be able to breathe in and out without problems. 

Felix heard laughter and he turned around, instantly smiling when he saw his friends gathered, all of them talking. They were practically glowing with happiness, every single one of them. The only missing one was Hyunjin – he'll probably join later.

The faerie started walking towards them all, and even though he wanted to run, the fastest he could go was a fast walk. He got closer and closer, his smile turning bigger. 

But when he was only a few steps away, he suddenly couldn't move. He tried, but his leg wouldn't budge, as if it was caught by something. Felix looked down, confused, and watched as a vines rose from the ground and wrapped around his feet, his calves, preventing him from moving. He looked up again, prepared to ask for help, but he didn't even get the chance to speak.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung sneered, nose scrunching in disgust. 

Felix blinked, croaking out a soft: “What?” 

How come it was suddenly so hard to speak? When did his throat begin to hurt so bad?

“Why are you here? We don't want you to be with us, we already told you that.” Seungmin grinned, no humour behind his eyes. They were cold, calculating, not at all what Felix was used to.

“Guys– what are you talking about? We are–”

“There's no “we” here.” Changbin growled. “You don't belong with us. You never have.”

What was going on? Why were they rejecting him? “Guys, wait, please–”

“Awh, the plant kisser is begging already?” Minho mocked him, smirking cruelly. “Why don't you go play with the flowers you love so much.”

The vines started pulling him, the ground beneath his feet sinking. He let out a panicked yell, trying not to fall. “This– this isn't funny! Please, I need help!”

“Why should we help?” Chan asked, arms crossed. He looked mad – Felix didn't like that look on him. “You've never done a thing in your life that didn't serve yourself. You're selfish.”

Those words felt like a stab to Felix's heart.

“You always ask for things without returning the favours.” Jeongin scoffs. “We're all tired of you, tired of your demands. Leave us alone already, asshole.”

Tears sprang to the faerie's eyes, making them sting. “Why are you saying all that stuff? This– we're– we're friends! We've been friends for years, Jisung, Jeongin, Seungmin!” The vines tug again, making him fall on his palms. They're scraped and start bleeding, colouring the emerald grass crimson instead. 

“Friends?” Jisung starts laughing and the others join him. “You call yourself our friend after you've done literally nothing for any of us? You're selfish.” He takes a step closer – Felix wished he hadn't. “You always take, take, take. You never return our kindness. And we've been oh, so kind to you all these years.” Jisung's features soften for a single moment before turning to the angry expression again. “You are not our friend and we'd be glad to see you leave and never return.”

“You don't mean that,” fat tears rolled down Felix's cheeks. He could taste the salt in his mouth, along with blood. Did he bite his tongue? “You can't– you don't mean that. If I– If I did something to hurt you all, I'm sorry, I really am. Please, don't leave me here.” More sobs tore from his throat. All of his friends only laughed, staring down at him as the vines sucked him further down into the ground.

He had to watch as they walked away, one by one, step by step. They left him there, in the meadow, crying so hard that he started gagging. The vines didn't cease their pulling, their grip only getting stronger and stronger. Felix scrambled with his hands, trying to find something, anything he could hold onto. He pulled out a lot of grass, his cut palms staining the ground and flora around him.

Then a shadow fell over him. He raised his gaze, dirt on his clothes, face, hands. But he was still glad when he realized who was standing in front of him. 

“Hyunjin,” he said, voice raspy from crying and screaming, “please, I'm stuck and it's pulling me down. Please help.”

Hyunjin dropped into a crouch, looking into Felix's eyes. And for a moment, no worries plagued his mind, for a moment he was completely fine. And then it got shattered with two simple words.

“I can't.”

“W–what? Why? Jin– Hyunjin, please.”

“I'm tired of you, Felix.” The elf sighed. “You're too much. You take up too much of my free time. Having you close in any way is a heavy burden to carry.”

A burden. You're a burden. You are too much. They're tired of you.

The negative thoughts took over Felix's brain, taking up all of the space inside. “But– but you–”

“Goodbye.” Hyunjin got up and left in the exact same direction as the others. 

Felix could only stare. Stare and try to hold on, but he was so exhausted. He let go.

Flowers surrounded him from all sides, the vines that pulled him into the ground wrapping all around his body. There was no one to save him – everyone left him there to rot. Flowers filled his mouth, his throat, they started growing from the cuts on his hands, until all Felix could see and feel were their colourful petals. And then he was drowning in them. He couldn't breathe. And the vines continued to pull him down into the endless sea of flowers. He was drowning and the vines kept pulling him down, down…down….down….

Felix woke up with a gasp, clutching at his chest, desperately clawing at the fabric of his pajamas. His eyes searched the room frantically – what he was looking for, he didn't know.

He kicked away the blanket that covered his legs, letting it fall to the ground. There were no vines there, nothing that could hurt him in any way, and yet the panic didn't cease. It only grew with each breath he took, each one more shallow than the rest. He was dizzy, his head spinning so fast he had to close his eyes to avoid throwing up his dinner. 

For the first time since he got his diagnosis confirmed, he could hear the flowers in his apartment talking. Well, talking wasn't the right word – they were screaming so loud Felix had to cover his ears, but it didn't help at all. They were shouting in his mind, but in his panic he couldn't even understand the words. He just started crying silently, hoping and praying it would pass. 

His mouth filled with blood and it tasted so gross that Felix got up despite his dizziness and walked over to the bin he keeps next to his desk and threw up in it. His breathing was still too fast and it definitely didn't help his case.

Felix rested his forehead against the leg of the wooden desk to him, body shaking. The screaming quieted down, only the soft voice of what he knew were his lillies remained.

“Lovely, it's bad. Fix your breath before it's too late.”

He started crying again – he hadn't even noticed he'd stopped. Why was this happening to him? What has he done to deserve this? Why does he have no clue who it is that the flowers are growing for? Why, why, why?

The door opened then, the soft hallway light illuminating the bed and Felix's hunched figure. Jeongin was standing there, eyes half closed until he noticed that Felix wasn't in his bed. “Hyung? What's going on, are you okay?”

We're all tired of you. Leave us alone already, asshole. The words from Felix's nightmare rang in his mind, loud enough for him to consider that they were real. But they weren't, they couldn't be. His friends, they– they wouldn't just leave him like that. They wouldn't. 

…Or would they?

Felix violently shook his head, making the dizziness worse, but he couldn't stop – he had to get those nasty thoughts away somehow, and that was the first thing that came to mind. It was easy to ignore how everything spun with his eyes closed shut.

“Hyung,” Jeongin's voice was closer now, “I’m here, talk to me. What's going on?” 

They wouldn't leave him. Not after everything they've been through – Jeongin is living proof of that. He knows what's going on, knows almost everything and he stayed. He wouldn't just get up and leave without another word. 

Felix blindly reached out, a relieved breath leaving him as Jeongin took his hand without hesitation. “I had a nightmare,” he whispered, eyes remaining closed. “Everyone was there, even you, and you all– you all left. There were– The vines were pulling me into the ground and– you all mocked me and said such cruel things.” His voice was shaky and there was saltiness in his mouth – he hadn't stopped crying.

“Oh,” the siren squeezes Felix's hand, “hyung, you know none of us would ever do that. You're– you're our friend, in the good times and the bad. Friends take care of each other. We would never, ever, leave you behind.”

The faerie couldn't keep it in and started hysterically sobbing. He turned around, momentarily opening his eyes to check where Jeongin was, and tightly hugged him. “I know, I know, but it looked so real and it was so scary.”

Warm arms wrapped around his back, rubbing soothing circles there. “It's okay, hyung. It wasn't real. I'm here now. I promise I'm not going anywhere and neither are the others. We stick together, like…uhm…glue.”

Felix huffed, lips upturned in a tiny smile. “We tend to do that, don't we?”

“Yeah. And come on now– it's 2:37AM. Let's go back to bed. I'll stay if you need me to.”

“Yeah,” the faerie nodded, accepting the helping hand and standing up very slowly. “I'm sorry– for waking you, I mean. Didn't mean to be so loud.”

Jeongin only smiled, dimples and all, helped Felix clean up the blood around his mouth and chin and “tucked” him in. (He shushed Felix anytime he tried to reach for the blanket himself.)

“I threw up in the bin.” Felix sighed. “It's going to make the entire room smell.” 

“I'll take care of it.” Jeongin puffed up his chest and Felix couldn't hold back his laugh at that. It was strange, to have someone younger take care of him – I mean, sure, it was only a few months but…still. Felix was convinced that Jeongin was born to be an older sibling.

Falling asleep and staying that way was easier this time. Especially when the mattress next to him dipped and another body slid under the covers. 

•·—🏵️—·•

There were bad days and good days. Thankfully, the good outweighed the bad so far, but Felix knew it couldn't stay that way forever. 

On bad days, he didn't even want to get out of bed. The bin in his room was given a new purpose for those mornings – he'd throw up in it, watching as the blood seeped into the orange petals, turning them crimson. On these days, even his customers could tell that something was wrong, but they didn't pry. They never did. Often they left a tip of some sort, or complimented Felix's appearance, which did make a genuine smile appear on his face. 

He hoped that it would be a good day, but clearly the odds weren't in his favour. It seemed like they were never in his favour lately. Sadly, the day that there was a planned hang out ended up being one of the bad days. 

He woke up feeling like he had just been run over by a truck. His chest was heavier than when he went to sleep, mouth drier than the Sahara desert. Not that he's ever been there – it just felt like the correct comparison. 

It was Saturday, and normally Felix would just bury himself under the covers and suffer in silence, with Jeongin bringing him food and water and his much needed company, but he couldn't do that today. He didn't want to let anyone down – and he hasn't seen Chan in a while. The most the two of them communicated was through memes, especially ones somehow involving Australia. That was pretty much it and Felix was originally looking forward to the meet up.

He groaned as he sat up, back cracking as always. He reached for the glass of water he's learned to keep on his nightstand. He really needed it, especially when he wakes up with such a bad ache in his throat.

Slowly, very slowly, the faerie stood up, swaying on his feet. The wall was a great thing to lean on, if he was being honest. 8/10. The chair was also a great competitor, a solid 7/10. 

Jeongin was 10/10 in times of need.

Shuffling on his feet and yawning, Felix got to the bathroom to wash his face, not even slightly alarmed by the sight of blood on his chin. It remained in his mouth basically 24/7 now, mixed with his saliva and Felix sometimes drools in his sleep. The first time he saw it, he freaked out, but that was…a week and a half ago? And it happened more often than not. 

Jisung's wedding was getting closer – it was only a month and a half away. It's crazy how time flies when you're not paying attention. One blink and an entire week is gone. Or one blink and you find out you're dying.

The kitchen was empty – Jeongin was still asleep then. That was a good thing, the siren needed sleep, especially because Felix keeps waking him up early in the morning.

He reached for the fruit bowl, taking the enchanted apple that he got as payment from one of his regular customers – an older witch that has the ability to feel when someone's low on magic. He trusted her, so he knew she was being genuine when she gave it to him.

“Take this, love. Gods above know you need it.” She said as she pressed it into his hand, so here he was, eating it for breakfast. He had to admit, it was very tasty and he felt refreshed with only a half eaten so far. Maybe he should ask the witch to enchant more food for him next time he sees her…?

When Felix finished it, he shuffled to the living room and flopped onto the couch. He started scrolling through TikTok, ignoring the rattling of his lungs with each breath he took. There were a bunch of puppy videos on his page, and he couldn't resist the urge to coo. They were just cute, little fluffballs. The faerie liked dogs, but could never have one with so many plants in his apartment – it would've been a health hazard for the dog.

He'd never have a dog now. Or any other pet animal.

With a frustrated sigh, he closed his eyes. Anytime he thinks about something he's always wanted to do – it could be literally anything – a small voice in his mind whispered: “But you can't. And never will.”

It was so annoying. It was true, yes, but that didn't change the fact that Felix didn't really want to focus on what was wrong with him, that he was dying relatively soon, he just wanted to live the rest of his life in the same way as always! Peacefully, surrounded by friends and flowers. So this small, brutally honest part of his brain should just turn off and stay that way. 

The faerie lamented that it didn't work like that.

Just as he started thinking about taking a quick shower, the door of Jeongin's room opened and the siren stumbled out, looking just like Felix did a few moments ago. Ah, well, an hour ago already – crazy, how time flies when you do nothing.

“Morning Lix,” Jeongin murmured, already right next to the coffee machine. “How are you so far?”

“Could be better.” Felix sat up, voice raspy already. Oof. “It’s one of those days.”

“Ah. Today? That's really shitty.” A wince. “Anything I can do to make it better? Except for coffee. You know you can't drink that.”

“Make me tea? And maybe something normal for breakfast? Something small, though, I already had an enchanted apple.”

Both of them knew that nothing could make a bad day better. Not really. 

“Of course. What are you…going to do later?” Jeongin started preparing the things he needed to make breakfast for them both. “You know you get more fits during bad days.”

“Yeah.”

“Any plans then? Or, well, excuses?”

“Not really, no. I haven't had the chance to come up with anything yet. I was too busy doing nothing.” He chuckled, but his brains did decide to start working. 

He could just say he's going to the bathroom or outside for some air, but it would be too suspicious if he did that too often. He could…pretend he caught the cold and hide the petals and blood in tissues? No, that wouldn't work well, the blood would be visible. He'd just…have to try and not cough. Easier said than done.

“Have you thought about…uhm…” Jeongin nervously cleared his throat. “About telling someone else, too?”

Felix sighed, already feeling a headache coming on. “Innie…”

“I'm not saying you have to tell everyone! But maybe…one more person? It's…what if I'm not nearby when something happens? It would be good if there was one more person that knew, just in case! You know?” The siren was probably close to begging – Felix could tell that much from his tone alone. 

It wasn't a bad idea, not at all, but…the idea of telling another person, when Jeongin knowing was a huge accident…

“I'll think about it.” He said in the end – he owed Jeongin as much. “I promise. But I think I need a bit of time before I can…get myself to do so.”

Jeongin nodded, shoulders relaxing. “That's enough for me. Now, want your magic, sparkly, shiny tea or normal tea for us mortals?”

That got the faerie to laugh, just a tiny bit. Mornings with Jeongin, even on bad days, were the best. 

•·—🏵️—·•

Later that day, after hours spent napping and getting ready, Felix and Jeongin found themselves outside Jisung's and Minho's apartment…again. It seemed like they spent more time over here than they did in their own. Oh well, happens.

The door was already unlocked and the noises coming from inside were very loud. They must be the last two to arrive, then.

It didn't take a genius to know that what was going on in the apartment could be described by one word – chaos. Organized chaos, thanks to Jisung's capabilities to navigate in such situations, but chaos nevertheless.

“Glad you could make it! Go to the living room, the rest is there already. I'll just clean–this–up.” Jisung greeted them, then lifted a heavy looking box and left down the hallway. 

It wasn't actually the strangest thing he's done. The hybrid's greetings are very short and, well, chaotic. Always have been. Hopefully, he'll also stay that way.

Not that Felix has a chance of seeing that.

Jeongin quickly went to the bathroom and Felix walked in on an…uncomfortable discussion. For him, that is.

“Do you think the person with hanahaki is…okay?” Hyunjin was asking in Minho's and Chan's direction, though the question was clearly meant for Changbin and Seungmin as well.

“We don't know and we have no way of knowing. It’s…weird and interesting, sure, but we just can't know. We don't know the person.” Minho shrugged, but his eyes betrayed his emotions, as always. He was worried for who they all thought was a stranger. One more reason for Felix to keep it a secret.

“It’s none of our business.” Seungmin shook his head, not saying more. At least that was what he planned, but one look from Changbin was enough to make him crack. “Though I'm also curious. Hanahaki was around only when I was a kid and then disappeared. I wonder how it…feels like. The stories and dramas aren't believable sources.”

Terrible. It feels terrible, heavy and like something is grasping your lungs all the time and squeezing all the air from them. Felix didn't say that out loud, of course. He did step into the room and said hi to everyone as cheerfully as he could, but the topic unfortunately didn't change.

At least until Chan started speaking, after he was silent the entire time. 

“I'm actually…a lot older than I look. Magic stuff, I won't explain much, but…I remember when the disease wasn't such a rarity.” Silence. Nobody knew how to respond, so Chan just continued. “My cousin had it, actually. She tried to keep it a secret at first, but my aunt found out and then we all knew. She was so scared, it…” he sighed. “It was really hard for her, that one month that it lasted for. She told her crush her feelings very early and he returned them, so she dodged most of the consequences. I remember the stories, though. They're…not as unreliable as you think, Seungmin.”

Chan knew someone with hanahaki before. He knew how it was. He helped someone through it, at least partly. 

Jeongin's words from that morning resurfaced in Felix's mind. 

“Have you thought about…uhm…about telling someone else, too?”

He didn't even have to think about it more, Felix made up his mind the second Chan finished the story.

He'd be the other one to know.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Chan knew someone with hanahaki once. A members of his family, nonetheless. Maybe he knows something useful, then? Something the people have forgotten because of the disease’s absence? Felix had to ask him. Later. When they're alone. Well, with Jeongin nearby…for emotional support, because Felix would definitely start crying.

“What are you all talking about?” Jisung stuck his head in before walking inside and flopping onto Minho's lap. Jeongin followed after, only he sat down on the floor instead of anyone's lap. “No depressive topics are allowed today! We're here to have fun before we all have to go back to wedding planning."

“Me, Seungmin and Innie aren't even–” Changbin started but wisely shut up when he got The Stare™ from both Minho and Jisung.

“I said all. Anyway,” Jisung rubbed his hands together, “any ideas for what we'll do today? We are open to suggestions! It can be literally anything, from games high schoolers play to…well…I don't know, something else. So? Anyone?”

Silence. Until Hyunjin clears his throat that is. “I brought my paints with me. And there's lots of paper around, so…we can play some games involving drawing?”

“That wouldn't be fair!” Seungmin was quick to protest. “You'd have a huge advantage! I'm saying no. Nope. No way.”

“He could be the judge, though?” Felix grinned. “He has lots of experience and it would be right for him to choose the winners. It can be a context!” The idea was fun – and Felix wasn't too bad when it came to drawing. He was nowhere near Hyunjin's skill, obviously, but he wasn't bad at all. “I think it could be fun, don't you?” He turned to the person who would definitely be on his side – Jisung. 

The hybrid's eyes were already sparkling. “Lixie is right, it is a good idea! Hyunjin, go find those paints of yours, me and Changbin will find the papers.”

Changbin whined. “Why me…”

“Because I said so. And it's my apartment.” Jisung grinned, all teeth.

“Technically, it's Minho–hyung's.” Jeongin mumbles, loud enough for Felix and Seungmin to hear. Both of them had to keep from laughing.

Everything got set up quickly after that – Minho decided to place papers with random themes written on them into a hat he got from…Felix didn't even know where from. They would all blindly choose one and they'd have to draw their interpretation. It would make things more interesting, that was for sure. And more entertaining.

Hyunjin is going to be the judge – and also the one to walk around and help where it would be needed. Soon, everything was set up and the game could begin. 

One by one, they all pulled out their theme. When it was Felix's turn, he couldn't help but stick out the tip of his tongue, as if he was concentrating. 

When he was back at his “station” – aka a chair – he checked what he even pulled. He fought his muscles to not cringe at it.

Of fucking course he had to pick “love”. Who even added that? What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just draw a heart, it couldn't be something so simple. There was also no way he'd draw flowers in any way, it could hint at his condition too much and it could also be seen as inconsiderate. 

What the hell was he going to do? There's not many things that are connected with love! Why did he pick the hardest theme he could?!

Sighing, he prepared some of the paints Hyunjin gave them all. Everyone else was already sketching, but he was just sitting and staring at the paper, trying to come up with something. Unfortunately, the bad day™ seemed to affect everything he does. His mind was empty. There were no ideas. Nothing. Zero.

He wasn't going to draw a heart, that would be too on the nose, unless…if it wasn't a simple one…

It hit him suddenly, but the idea only grew, making a small smile appear on his face. Yes. That could work. 

One of the many things Felix doodles when he's bored are dragons, and there were two that came to mind now – Toothless and the Light Fury. Specifically the flight scene in the third movie. That was fucking perfect.

Yes, watching animated movies at his age might be kind of strange, but he really loves them. And the How To Train Your Dragon trilogy is amazing, can you blame him for choosing a scene from it?

Felix started sketching, careful about the placements of their heads, tails and most importantly, wings. This was a friendly competition, yes, but a competition is still a competition. Sue him for wanting to win. 

Once the sketch was done – along with clouds and a moon behind the two dragons – the faerie did his best to choose colours that would fit to the picture he had in his head. 

He was hyperfocused on the paper, so he hadn't noticed that someone came closer until he heard a whisper. “Is that Toothless?”

Felix looked over to the side, where Hyunjin was now crouching next to him and watched as the faerie began painting. “Yeah,” he replied in the same hushed tone, “I've always loved the movies, so I thought…why not?”

Hyunjin hummed, tilting his head. “What's your theme?"

“You're not supposed to know, Jin.” The elf was not supposed to know the themes each of them had – he'd have to guess while judging them. “I'm not telling you.”

“Awh, come on.” Hyunjin pouted, lightly nudging Felix's arm. “Just a small hint? I really like your painting so far, so I want to know what I'm supposed to guess with it. “Animated movie” seems like something a bit too obvious, so do “dragons”. Sooo…? Will I get a hint?” 

“Nope. Not a chance.” Felix grinned, trying to ignore him. Hyunjin, as “helpful” as he was trying to be, was slowing him down. He had a competition to try and win!

“Lixieee…please? Just one word! That's enough for me!” The elf put his hands together, as if he was actually going to beg and he looked so sad. So, could you really blame Felix when he complied? Thought so.

He groaned and rolled his eyes, though it must've been obvious that it was in a playful manner. “Okay, okay. It's…it's not something you can see, hear or touch. It's overwhelming and can bloom slowly like flowers or it can come suddenly, like an explosion.” Wow. Felix himself was surprised by his words.

“Woah. Spoken like a true fae, Lix. Since when do you speak in riddles?”

“Since a few minutes ago, when a very annoying elf decided to bother me and slow down my progress.” Both of them laughed softly. “Really though, I gotta paint faster if I want to win. Go bug Seungmin, he'll be so grumpy if you interrupt him.”

“Roger that.” Hyunjin grinned, nose scrunching in that cute way Felix likes, and got up to really bother Seungmin. The faerie watched for a moment before getting back to his painting. 

The night sky was difficult to do, as Felix wasn't really used to drawing with paints, he often used pencils or markers when he drew – and that's only if he colours the drawing…which isn't all that often.

Not long after Hyunjin left to help (read: bother) the others, Felix felt tickling in his throat and heaviness in his chest. That meant he'll have a fit soon – he had to time it right, otherwise it would be suspicious if he stayed in the bathroom for too long. He pretended nothing was wrong and kept painting, waiting for the moment it got worse.

He and Jeongin made eye contact, just a quick glance. Felix wasn't so sure that the siren understood what he was trying to say, but he had to hope. 

As soon as the tickling got worse, he stood up. “I'm going to the bathroom real quick, don't you dare do anything to my painting!” He narrowed his eyes, pointing at each of his friends. Jisung giggled, shaking his head and Seungmin quickly shouted: “We would never!”

Even though he was the most likely to try something. He was the sneakiest cheater in their friend group, so during games there was a rule: never trust Seungmin. 

Felix walked to the bathroom as slowly as he could, not wanting to attract any attention – it would be strange if he ran, plus that would make his feet stomp, which made too much noise and he couldn't have anyone following him. Jeongin was the only exception, and even he wasn't really allowed to see Felix while he threw up, he could help clean the aftermath but that was it. 

Thankfully, the bathroom wasn't too far and Felix managed to get in before the coughing started – and then it wouldn't stop. He kept coughing and choking on the petals stuck in his throat. It was dry, too dry to comfort and for the first time in a while it was so painful Felix wanted to tear his throat open so it could all freely spill out. He couldn't do that, though, no. That would kill him right at that moment, he'd bleed out on the bathroom floor – yes, this was killing him too, but slowly. A lot more slowly. Honestly, he'd take hanahaki over bleeding out. Like this, he knew what to expect and even when to expect it, it turned into something predictable and, most importantly, he'd still see Jisung and Minho get married. That was the most important thing and the reason why he'd try to hold on as long as possible.

During his mind’s spiral, he got two of the petals out, but the third one remained stuck near his epiglottis, not moving an inch and further irritating the area. The faerie had to hit his chest with a closed fist repeatedly in order for it to move. 

When the final petal was out, the air somehow felt fresher and Felix greedily inhaled it. He then collected the petals, wrapping them in a napkin and putting them into his pocket before washing away the blood. He couldn't leave any traces behind. 

He almost expected someone to be standing in the hallway, listening to his fit and then demanding answers, but nobody was there. Laughter and friendly yelling could be heard from the living room, and Felix couldn't hold back his smile. He didn't even try to, really. 

This was how it was supposed to be, fun and laughter. They'd all be fine without Felix. Just listening to them like this, while he's not there, is proof. They'd be fine, they didn't need him. They didn't…need him.

The realization hit him like a truck and he had to hold on to the wall to not collapse onto the floor. He was the one that depended on them all the most. He was the one that always asked for help. He was a burden, just like in that nightmare he had, he was the one to always take and never give–

No. He couldn't think like that, that simply wasn't true. It was his panic speaking – maybe they didn't need him, but they wanted him. They wanted him there, wanted him included. And that was enough to lift the fog that momentarily infested his mind. 

They were his friends, they all cared for each other. They would never just leave, exactly like Jeongin says during the really bad moments. Felix was safe with all of them, that much was clear. He trusted them and that was enough.

Shaking off every trace of his slight panic, he walked into the room…and could only stare, jaw dropped. “What the fuck!? Okay, who did that!?” He tried to look angry, but started laughing in the middle of the second sentence.

Someone painted over one of the more detailed corners with bright pink paint while he was gone. Of course they did, why did he even consider the fact that they wouldn't take advantage of the fact that he wasn't in the room?

“You won't believe it,” Changbin pointed at Felix's painting, “but a huugeee rat came in, took the brush and painted over it. We tried to stop it, but it ran away before we could catch it.”

“Mhm. You could've just said it was Jisung.”

“Why are you– hey, I'm not a rat! I'm a squirrel! That's so mean, Lixie.” Jisung pouted, though the amusement in his eyes was as clear as day. 

Felix narrowed his eyes, sitting down and taking his brush. “I'll find out which one of you it was, believe me. And when I do…I'll find a witch to curse the person so that their pillow would always, and I mean always, be warm.”

Laughter sounded from everyone in the room, louder from some and a bit quieter from others, like Hyunjin who only lightly chuckled. Silence then wrapped around them again, and Felix started repairing the damage that was done. 

Since the area was the brightest shade of pink he's ever seen, he had no idea how to start undoing it. Could he just paint it over with white? That seemed way too easy. That wasn't it, was it? It had to be something much more complicated, definitely. But what…?

Just then, another body plopped down next to him, already reaching for the paints with a brush. Felix, wide eyed and confused, looked to his right and couldn't stop staring as Hyunjin dipped his brush in green paint. “What are you doing?” The faerie murmured, tilting his head. 

“Pink and green are complementary colours.” Hyunjin whispered as he started fixing Felix's painting. “If you want to cover this stain, you have to neutralise it, and green does just that. Beige colours do the same, but I like to fix things like these using my knowledge of colour theory.”

Felix could only look as Hyunjin slowly repaired the big smudge, amazed. It actually worked? What the hell?

“Pick up your brush, too.” The elf smiled. “You're at a disadvantage now, so I'll help you. You lost time while going to the bathroom. And because of the pink.”

“But isn't it still unfair to the others? I mean…you're so talented, your skills are…they're seriously amazing.” Felix still picked up the brush and restarted the painting. He didn't notice the blush creeping up Hyunjin's neck.

“I don't think so. Not when they decided to make it harder for you.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Chan's voice broke the little bubble that formed around the two, making them forget they weren't alone in the room. “Wait– Hyunjin, why are you holding a brush? Hyunjin. Hyunjin, you're helping Felix? That's against the rules!”

That got everyone's attention. Seungmin started mumbling about “picking favourites”, Jisung was whining about unfairness, Minho said something about an airfryer (?) and Jeongin was hiding a smile. Changbin tried calming everyone down, but no one was listening so he gave up. 

“You're the ones that ruined my efforts!” Felix pouted. “Stop arguing. You all did this to yourselves by messing with my painting. So focus on your own, okay? And, uh…because Hyunjin is helping, judging my painting is going to be on you all. Sounds fair?” Nods and hums of approval could be heard. “Okay. So let's finish this.”

Silence once again. 

Hyunjin looked like he wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut. Felix was curious, yes, but he also wanted to win their little contest, so he pushed those thoughts down. 

“You know, uhm,” Hyunjin whispered, in a tone that only they could hear, “you look really nice today.”

“I only have a black t-shirt and jeans on, Jin.” Felix chuckles, shaking his head.

“Yeah. But you still…look great. You could wear a potato sack and…you'd still look stunning.”

Felix froze, the brush in his hand stopping as well. “Now– now you're just speaking nonsense.” He stared straight ahead, choosing to not look at the elf. He was hot all of a sudden, was he getting a fever? Was it a side effect of the hanahaki?

Or maybe, just maybe, he was blushing. The rattling in his lungs, which was pretty much always there, quieted. Huh. Strange.

“If you think so…”

They finished the rest in silence. 

Changbin won the contest, because he had “home” as a theme. He drew them all, together. It wasn't the best, not at all, but it almost brought everyone to tears. So, he won. Felix didn't mind. 

Because he at least had a painting that he made together with Hyunjin and he could bring it home with him. Not that the idea made his heart beat fast, not at all. Nope.

That would be ridiculous.

•·—🏵️—·•

“Are you sure you're going to tell him? I mean, I'm happy that you took my advice, but…maybe think it over a bit?”

“Jeongin, he may know something that we don't, that the doctors don't. If there's anything, literally anything that may help somehow, some advice or– or some way to slow it down even more, he could know. He has to be the other one to know.” Felix paced around his room, repeatedly running his hand through his hair to try and calm down, at least slightly.

He invited Chan over, saying that he wanted someone to talk about Australia with, but that obviously wasn't true. Now, the faerie was freaking out. He had no choice but to tell Jeongin, but now it's his choice to tell Chan. How should he even begin? Should he stall before dropping the bomb?

“Hyung, you're thinking about it way too much.” Jeongin sighed from his place on Felix's bed, where he's been watching him from. “You can just actually talk about Australia, you don't have to bring the disease up at all if you decide not to.”

“I know! I know, it's just…I'm freaking out over nothing, aren't I?” Finally, he stopped pacing, looking at his hands. Hair strands were stuck between his fingers on his left and he had to shake them off. “It's…with you, I could just simply say it, because you already knew something was wrong, but Chan doesn't. I don't know how I should even approach the topic.”

“Lix–hyung, it'll be okay. You'll figure it out when you're face to face. Now, want some of that magical tea of yours?” The siren stood up, a reassuring smile on his face. It did calm Felix down, just a little.

“Yeah, okay. The one with the fruit that looks like strawberries on the box, please.”

“I'll shout for you as soon as it's done.”

The siren left the room, leaving Felix alone fór the first time that day. Instead of pacing again, he sat on his bed, grabbing a pillow and staring at it. Surely it wouldn't be weird if he pretended the pillow was Chan for a bit, right? He had to prepare what he'd say. 

Taking a deep breath, he started. “Hey, hyung, there's…something you need to know. No, that's not right, uh…hyung, there's something I need to ask.” He shook his head and started again. “Hyung, there's something I need to…have to ask you…”

He made up many ways that he could say what he needed to, repeating some of them more than the others. He felt like he needed to get it right. There's not an easy way to say “hey, I'm dying,” which was proven in the way he told Jeongin, so Felix wanted it to not be as horrific this time. Which might be slightly…well, difficult. 

Instead of shouting like he said he would, Jeongin brought the tea to Felix without saying a word. Well, without saying a word for two minutes.

“Are you 100% sure, hyung? That you want to go through with this? I– I know that what I said had some kind of influence on this decision, and I don't want you to be doing this only for me, I need you to do this for yourself as well.”

“I am, Innie. I really am doing this for myself. I…I have hope, that maybe there's something people have been missing – that we have been missing – all this time. The chances are small but…” he gulped. “...I have nothing to lose now.”

“Don't– hyung, you can't just say that.”

“It's true though, there's nothing. I am already dying. Slowly, yes, but I am. There's no use denying it. Nothing that Chan says can make things worse.” He shrugs, taking a sip of the tea. It tasted really good, even though Felix burned his tongue a little. “We both know that.”

“Still, please don't say it with that hopeless face. There still can be something that can help cure you, so don't give up. Not yet. Not until stage six.”

Felix smiled but…it felt emptier than ever before. 

“I'll try, Innie. Promise.”

Twenty minutes later, Chan was already standing by the door. Felix prepared his famous brownies and planned to start off with normal small talk. The last thing he needed was for Chan to feel pressured to talk about a topic that was so sensitive.

Unfortunately, fate was not on his side and nothing went according to plan. Everything went wrong the moment Felix opened the door.

“Hey Felix.”

“Hi Chris! Come in, come in. I made brownies and tea.” Felix grinned, perfectly executing his “sunshine” personality that he found himself faking more and more often. 

Chan closed the door behind himself and Felix wanted to walk to the kitchen to fetch the mentioned dessert. However…

He got dizzy, very dizzy. Black spots filled his vision and his knees almost buckled. Felix had to hold onto the wall to not fall down.

“Felix? Are you okay?” Chan was almost right behind him, the concern as clear as day. “Felix?”

There was a strange buzzing in Felix's mind and Chan's voice felt further away than it should've been. “Jeongin,” he whispered, feeling the familiar irritation in his throat, “shout– shout for–” he couldn't keep it down, this wasn't only a coughing fit. No, he was salivating a lot and could feel his stomach doing flips.

Seems like the flowers spread their seeds to more places.

“Jeongin! Jeongin, something's wrong! Come here, please, quickly!”

The rushed footsteps weren't even a surprise and not even a full minute later, Jeongin was helping Felix to the bathroom. Well, that was where they were heading originally, but Felix realized there was no way they would make it in time. So, as they passed the kitchen, he pushed Jeongin away and stumbled to the sink, letting his body do what it needed. 

The tea he drank, his breakfast, blood and bile came up along with petals, leaves and stems. He could hear hushed voices somewhere behind him, but he was too focused on not throwing up all across the kitchen counter.

It stopped as suddenly as it came. Felix gasped for air, eyes tightly shut. His mouth tasted horrible, unsurprisingly. The voices he heard earlier – Chan and Jeongin – were now quiet, probably waiting for him to turn around. The faerie washed the sink as best as he could, spraying the vomit down the drain. After rinsing his mouth as well, he finally turned around. He didn't meet Chan's eyes yet though, his eyes remained planted on the ground.

“This wasn't how I wanted this to go.” His voice was raspy and shaking. Gods, he sounded so weak. But…that was what he was, right? He was weak because of the constant fits, the magical withdrawal he was going through…it all made his body weak. Not his mind. Not yet. 

“I–I was going to tell y–”

Chan interrupted him. “I've seen a lot of stuff throughout my life. Gave lots of advice, went through many arguments. But I…I never thought that I'd say I wish I wasn't right.”

“...you knew.”

“It was only a hunch at first.” An audible gulp. “Being part werewolf, I'm very perceptive. I hear better than humans do, better than most fae or elven kind do.” Felix finally met his eyes and hated that they were filled with tears. “I notice a lot. I saw how shocked you and Jeongin were when we saw the News, it was different from the rest of us. You seemed lost inside your head after. My brain perceives you as part of the pack, so it was second nature to me to watch over you in my silent way.”

Great, now Felix felt like crying too.

“I saw how tense you were when we were talking about the person with hanahaki. I mentioned my cousin on purpose, to see how you'd react…and later, when you went to the bathroom I heard you. I…was sure after that.”

"Oh." Felix looked back to the floor, hating how the corners of his vision were blurry. "I was...I was going to tell you today, I swear."

"Who else knows about this?"

“Can we go sit down, please? I'm still lightheaded and…”

“Right. Of course.” Chan helped him move to the living room, where they sat on the opposite sides of the couch.

“I know that you…probably have questions.” Felix had to clear his throat to continue. “And I'll do my best to answer them. If I…know the answer, that is.”

Chan nodded, simply looking over Felix at first – what he was looking for, the faerie didn't know. “Which stage?”

“Three. The doctors think it's the one that'll bother me the longest.”

“For how long have you known?”

“A month or so.”

“Why haven't you confessed yet? Felix, I know that it's probably scary to be vulnerable with someone you have feelings for, but–”

“I don't know who it is, Chris. I won't go into detail, Jeongin can tell you more about that. I…I don't know who I'm in love with. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true. I have no way of figuring it out, either.” Chan blinked in confusion, before something Felix couldn't name flashes across his face. His voice sounded more urgent as he asked the next question.

“Any side effects that aren't normal or that are rare?”

“Magical withdrawal.” Felix pointed to the fruit bowl placed at the coffee table. “Doctor Song prescribed me magic infused tea and magical fruit for that. There's anthophobia, too. I think you can imagine that it's not the easiest to navigate when I own a flower shop. I also throw up leaves and stems along with the petals sometimes…”

That seemed to get Chan's attention…and not the good kind. “Leaves and stems? Are you sure?”

“Uhm, yeah? I…I mentioned that at one of my check ups and they said it wasn't anything I had to worry about, that it sometimes happens.”

Chan dragged his hand down his face. “That's…they're kind of right, yes, but it happens– well, used to happen only under certain conditions.”

“What conditions?” Silence. Chan's eyes turned sad and he looked like a kicked puppy. “Chan, under what conditions?”

“Only one condition, actually. It would also explain why you don't know who it is.”

Felix's heart squeezed and his throat felt tight as Chan told him his theory. “What? No, that– it makes even less sense! Who would even do that!? I don't– I don't know anyone that would be so cruel, I don't have any enemies!” And oh, he was crying again. 

“I'm sorry, Felix.” Chan opened his arms for a hug and Felix was so tired he just…fell into his arms. His hug was warm, like when you sit by a campfire at a camp, surrounded by many others and their singing voices.

“I really hate to say it out loud, but it makes the most sense to me. I'm so, so sorry.”

Felix hated that it actually made sense. It explained everything. Except for the questions “why” and “who”.

What could have he possibly done for someone to curse him?

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

“You said that it wasn't unusual. That I had no reason to be wary of it.” Felix glared at Dr. Song, the anger in his voice clear. 

Right after the talk with Chan, he scheduled another appointment. He had a lot to say and a lot to ask. How come the people that are supposed to help him are the ones that fail to tell him something as important as his disease appearing because of a curse?!

“Mr. Lee,” Dr. Song sighed, “we've told you that we didn't know, truly. In the files I've found, a curse was never brought up – I wouldn't lie to you about that. You're very lucky that your friend is half werewolf, otherwise he'd be very old right now and most likely not someone you know.”

“I know that, please stop changing the topic. I want to know if there's something new we can do to stop this, given that now we know I didn't get hanahaki the… “traditional” way.”

“There might be a solution that we haven't paid attention to yet, however…this is a whole new situation now. I'm afraid that it will take even longer to find files and people that have encountered the curse version than it would've if it was the standard version.”

Felix felt rage bubbling in his chest. You have got to be kidding me.

“We should still treat it as we have so far. We have no reference as to how the curse operates, so the only thing we can do is not panic and continue the same.”

“This is ridiculous,” Felix muttered, rubbing his eyes. “You're telling me that this wasn't mentioned anywhere you looked so far? I searched it up, Chan told me about it, someone being cursed wasn't rare–”

“Mr. Lee, I understand how you're feeling, but–”

“No you DON'T! You don't understand and you never will, because you're not sick!” Felix couldn't keep pretending to be fine. Not in front of those that knew what was going on. He was exhausted, the mask he was wearing kept on cracking more and more lately. So, after more than a month, he finally snapped. He finally let himself feel. “You don't know how it feels to wake up and immediately spit out blood, you don't know how it feels when you struggle to breathe almost all the time. And you never will, because hanahaki is gone and I only have it because some individual that doesn't like me decided to curse me. So stop with the sympathy, we both know it's not going to get us anywhere.”

It was the first time he'd been so straightforward and he could tell that it caught the doctor off guard. It wasn't that he was trying to be so mean, but…okay, what he said was pretty mean, but he had a valid reason!

“...right.” Dr. Song cleared her throat. “I apologize, my words so far have gotten us nowhere. There is nothing quite like this mentioned in the electronic files I've found. However, we do keep an archive and I believe there may be something that can help us hidden there, between the shelves. We're not giving up, Mr. Lee and – this sounds out of place, but I need to say it – neither should you.”

Felix froze, all of his muscles locking in place. “I– I'm not–”

“Yes, you are. And it's okay to feel as if it is the end, especially when all we've told you so far weren't good news. But there is still hope – you simply have to hold on to it and not let go, not until you've reached stage five.”

The faerie was speechless for a moment after that and Dr. Song gave him space, reading through some other file she had on her. When Felix spoke again, it was with a much calmer tone. “Do you know who leaked the information about me?”

“I'm afraid not, but we are working on it. I promise you, we'll catch the culprit.”

And that was it for the visit. The entire “cursed” thing was still difficult to grasp, even more so than the initial realization of what was wrong so many weeks ago. Felix remained zoned out the entire walk home, even as he set up to open his shop – an hour later than the original opening time – he did all of it on autopilot. 

The flowers were pulling away more each day – he felt their disgust, how they blocked him out of their “conversations”. To him, it felt worse than the coughing fits. His connection to magic was weakened, too – that changed every day though. One day, it was fine, stronger than before even and the next? Barely there. Felix just didn't understand it.

There was no time to focus on that now, though. He still had a shop to run, orders to finish and a wedding to plan. He'd be alright, he'd just have to pull through until he's cured or…dead. He didn't flinch at the thought, not anymore. He was used to the little voice reminding him all the time now. It was annoying, it would always be, but it wasn't going to leave, so he simply had to live with it.

He took a deep breath, in and out. It would be okay. Just a few hours and he could fall face down onto his bed. Maybe he could close a bit earlier than usual…maybe he'd do that. He had to try and focus now, though. So he shook off the negativity, put on that fake smile and did his best.

The first few customers noticed his strange behaviour and the way his face was strained. They asked him about it, but he told them he just had a cold and didn't feel well, and they let it go. Honestly, it served as a nice little “wake up” call and he tried to make his performance more believable. He was fine, it was a common cold. That was it. 

He kept pretending, trying to seem fine, at least until Chan walked in.

“Oh. Hey.” Felix stretched, actually feeling how the flowers moved along with him for the very first time. It was very uncomfortable. At least he could drop the act now, and even though it was for a little while it felt good to.

“Hey,” Chan quickly appeared in front of him, scanning him for anything that could be out of the ordinary. “Anything new today?”

“No. The doctor said that they'd probably have to check the archives for anything that could help.” He shrugged. “I kind of…snapped at her today. I didn't mean to! It all just…slipped out. Anyway, that's not really important. Nothing too great happened, she simply told me not to give up and to hold onto hope. And that they still don't know who leaked the info about me to the news.” Felix grumbled, fingers tapping on the counter.

“And how are you feeling? About all of this?” Felix was already opening his mouth when Chan interrupted. “Don't say that you're fine, Felix. I can tell that you're not.”

The faerie paused before sighing and hiding his face in his hands. “I'm…I don't know. There's a lot that I'm feeling I guess? It's all tangled together and I don't think I know how to tell my emotions apart anymore.” It was the first time that Felix was so open about his feelings. Whenever Jeongin asked, he responded with a “I'm fine” or “Everything's okay.” But there was something about Chan that made it easy to be vulnerable.

The werewolf only nodded, not wanting to interrupt in case the faerie continued. Which he did.

“I'm sad. Tired. Angry. I– I don't know. Everything at once and it's so overwhelming.” He whined, voice muffled by his hands, hoping that no one was passing by the window. He didn't want anyone that didn't know to see him like this.

“That's okay, though. How you feel. You know that, right?” Chan's voice was closer now, but Felix didn't want to lift his head, so he had no way of looking.

“Yes! I– fuck, I know. It doesn't make it any less annoying. I just want it to–” he paused. He hasn't said that out loud so far. And it didn't sound good and Chan definitely took it the wrong way.

Well…the slightly wrong way. 

“Felix,” Chan grabbed his wrists and gently pried them away, even though his grip was nothing but. “Felix, what were you going to say?”

Felix didn't look up. He didn't want to. He hated this, he hated how his life went to shit out of a sudden. He thought he'd already made peace with it all, but the whole curse thing added fire to a dying fire. 

“I just want it to be over.” He murmured after a tense silence. “Not– not necessarily in that way, but it's…it's the most likely, no?” There were tears sliding down his face once again. 

“Oh, Felix…” Chan let go of him, giving his shoulders a squeeze instead. “Felix, come on, don't think like that. You–”

“No,” a sob, “don't say anything. You know I'm right. I don't– I don't want to give up, of course I don't, but it all feels so pointless. Because they won't find anything that can help me. The doctors are helpless, we are too. There's not a single scenario in which I can see myself surviving this.” It was out. Felix's darkest thoughts, the ones he thought he'd never say out loud, they were told. 

He'd never tell Jeongin, he wasn't younger by much but he was still the youngest. Felix could never burden him with words that carried so much weight. But he desperately needed someone that could help him carry them all, if only a little bit – and Chan was here now and he knew. 

The werewolf tried again. “Felix, listen to me. You're one of the kindest people I've ever met and this world would weep if it lost you, especially because of something that should've been long gone. If you give up now, if you let these thoughts control your actions, you're letting the person that cursed you win. Do you want that?” The faerie shook his head. Chan's tone wasn't unkind, but it was very strict. “We'll find a solution. Me, you and Jeongin. We can make our own research, something that may nudge the doctors in the right direction. Does that sound okay?”

Felix hummed in approval, sniffling. 

“Alright. Please, don't stop looking after yourself. We're here for you, okay? Never forget that.” Chan smiled. “Now, I didn't come only to talk about that. Minho sent me, actually.”

Felix quickly wiped his nose and eyes, trying his best to breathe normally. “Yeah? Why?”

“He has an idea for the flowers.”

Felix listened intently, a smile blooming on his face as Chan recalled what Minho told him word for word. 

“Sounds good. I can work with that.”

They didn't bring it up again.

•·—🏵️—·•

"Lixie, pay attention! Okay, so, I was thinking that the original shades of grey I wanted for the groomsmen would be a tad too close to the white suit I will be wearing, so I thought using pastel colours would be more appropriate. Everyone could have a flower that has the same colour as their suit! Do you think that would look okay?” Jisung was practically glowing and, if he was a dog hybrid instead of a squirrel one, he'd definitely be wagging his tail at that moment. “

“Hm, probably, yeah.” Felix smiles, looking up and thinking about it some more. “Maybe the details on the suits can be a darker shade? So that they're visible, I mean. And the flowers wouldn't be a problem, as you know they come in a very wide variety of colours.”

“Love that idea! Which colour do you want?” The hybrid was taking notes, fully concentrated for once. Usually he'd be all over the place, but he wasn't today. Well, actually, he wasn't as hyperactive lately, not when it comes to the wedding planning. Felix knew his friend well, and that's why he could say that even though his body wasn't moving, his mind was working overtime. The hyperactivity didn't disappear, it only moved somewhere else.

“Definitely blue. Or purple, I wouldn't mind that.” 

“Okay, noted!”

The two of them agreed to meet at Jisung's again, as it was the best place for the planning they did. Felix has been there for three hours now, but he couldn't say it bothered him. No, he really liked spending time with Jisung – one of the pros was that it took his mind off of his situation. Every time, without fail. Being around Jisung just…washed all worries away. 

“I'll ask the rest soon and depending on their answers, one of the colours you picked will be yours. It– That's fair, right? I don't want anyone to think that I– that I favour you or something…”

“Don't worry, Ji, it doesn't look like you do.” Felix patted his friend's head. “Besides, it's your wedding, so you could actually decide that we should all wear the same thing, but you let us all make adjustments. So stop worrying, no one is going to be mad at you.”

The hybrid relaxed, looking at Felix like he was the sun. “Thank you, Lixie. You always know what to say.” He smiled, one of his classic bright, heart shaped smiles. 

They discussed the suit issue for a bit longer before dropping it and moving to Felix's more favoured topic – the flowers. After careful consideration, he decided to stick to the “classics” for the decorations – peonies and roses. It was a safe choice. As for the bouquet…

“I thought that we could combine your and hyung's birth flowers. Cosmos flowers come in a pink variant, that's Minho's flower, and yours would be a white morning glory. I'd probably end up adding lavender as well, because I think it would go nicely colour wise, even though it's purple. I can try and make it beforehand to see how it could look like, if you want me to, but the chances are I'll change the details last minute and–”

“Lixie, I trust you.” Jisung was now the one to do the patting. “When it comes to flowers, you decide everything.”

“Yeah…I know.”

They tried to come up with more ideas for decorations, but it was hard when their stomachs started grumbling. Thankfully, as if the gods themselves listened to their prayers, Minho came home.

“Jagi, I'm home!”

Jisung lit up and hurried to greet his fiancé. Felix only smiled and, after making sure they were busy talking and weren't paying attention to him, coughed in a handkerchief that he bought recently, for occasions like these when he can't have big fits. It was easier to cough into it every once in a while instead of having to go to the bathroom all the time. Less suspicious, too. At least Felix thought so.

The sight after he pulled it away from his mouth startled him. Four petals? That was the most so far. He quickly took a photo before sticking the stained handkerchief back into the tiny, hidden pocket in his bag.

[The Knowledgeable]

Me:

Sorry to interrupt but..

[1 photo attached]

That's the most I've coughed up so far…

Chrisaroo🦘:

Oh

Based on what I remember, four petals are still a part of stage three

Are you okay?

Foxinnie:

Do you feel anything that's bad and new??? 

Do you think it's the next stage already…??

Me:

I'm not sure

Probably not?

It's just a bit unusual for me, three was the most I've coughed up…well, until now

⁠(⁠╯⁠_⁠╰⁠)

Chrisaroo🦘:

Deep breath, Lix

It's okay 

You went to the doctor recently, right? They'd notice if it was s.4 trying to come sooner

Let's meet in the evening, yeah?

Your apartment 

We'll talk and make sure it's nothing serious

Foxinnie:

I agree

It's important that we don't panic unnecessarily

Me:

Okay

Thanks you two

See you tonight, 7:30

⁠(⁠ツ⁠)

Felix exhaled, the short conversation easing his worries. Chan was right, he'd notice if it was stage four. He wasn't quite there yet.

“Hi, Felix.” Minho's voice made him look at the living room’s entrance. “You hungry? You can stay for a late lunch.”

“I am, yeah.” He didn't really want to be a burden, but he knew that if he tried to tell Minho that, he'd end up tied to a chair and “forced” to eat with them.

He was talking from experience.

“Great. Well, I'll try to be quick.” Minho disappeared again, most probably going to the kitchen to cook. 

Jisung came back soon after, lips pink and slightly swollen – Felix chose to ignore that – and turned on the TV to put on some animal documentary. He didn't get to, though, because as soon as he changed the channel to Nat Geo Wild, they got stuck watching The Incredible Dr. Pol – it was interesting, sue them!

The doctor was just solving the problem of a cow with a rotated stomach when Minho peeked in again, saying that the food was done. Both Felix and Jisung were up in an instant – they were starving. They had some fruit at noon, but it was just after three now, so they had a right to be hungry.

The eating itself was very quick, as Felix had to get going soon after. Minho gave him some insight on the flower ideas, which was very helpful. He had to admit, the fact that daisies would also fit didn't cross his mind just yet. It probably would've, if he tried to put the bouquet together, but it was nice to have the idea beforehand.

They hung out for a bit longer, as long as Felix could without the feeling of something pressing on his sternum. 

As soon as the couple said goodbye and the door closed, Felix started speed walking to get back home quickly. He didn't want to have a fit in public, if that happened, it would make everything worse than it already was.

He pulled out his phone so that he'd look busy. Surprisingly, there was a text from Hyunjin waiting for him.

Hynjinnn:

Hey! You busy?

I'm bored

Me:

I'm on my way home, but yeah!

I can text for a bit ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

What's up?

Hynjinnn:

Ah just wanted to talk to someone

Can't reach Minho and Changbin is in the gym rn so trying to contact him is impossible

Me:

Ahh I see, I see

I have a question, actually 

It's a bit weird but

Have you ever liked someone?

And I mean LIKE like, you know

Hynjinnn:

Ah. Uh

Can't say I have?

I've never intentionally paid attention to anyone like that…I think 

Why so suddenly?

Me:

Ah just

Thinking about it

Seeing Minho and Jisung so happy together is making me wonder

I guess

(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Hynjinnn:

Ohh I see

I admit seeing those two makes me a bit jealous

But I can't be in a relationship so 

Me:

You can't? How come?

Hynjinnn:

Well

I'm very busy you know

And you have to find the right person and click with them and I just don't have the energy to do that right now 

So 

Yup

Me:

Ohh yeah makes sense

Did you have anything you wanted to talk about? (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)

Hynjinnn:

Not really no

Just wanted to talk with you

About anything really

Me:

Anything?

Okaaay

Let me come up with smth

Hmmm

Okay no I have nothing

Do u have anything?

Hynjinnn:

Well 

What have you been watching or reading lately?

Me:

Oh! 

I just finished watching the second season of The Apothecary Diaries 

Have you seen that?

Hynjinnn:

I haven't!

It's on my “To Watch” list tho

Tell me, is it more about romance or mystery?

Me:

The mystery!

I mean the romance is there too, but it's a subplot

And there's sooo much tension

Hynjinnn:

I already read that it's a very slooow slow burn

Is that right?

Me:

Oh you sweet summer child

You're not ready

Hynjinnn:

Huh

Wait don't just say that and leave 😭

Felix?

FEEELIIIXXXX

Me:

I'm still here! 

Hehee

Don't worryy

It just really IS slow 

Hynjinnn:

Okaaay

I'm still suspicious though 

🤨

But I trust you…for now 

Me:

Guess you'll have to see for yourself!

Hynjinnn:

Seems like you're right!

Me:

I have to go now, almost home

Talk to you later?

Hynjinnn:

Of coursee

Byee Lixiee 

Me:

Bye byee 

Felix smiled. Talking with Hyunjin, even if it was through text, always improved his mood. 

Now he felt ready for the talk he was going to have with Chan and Jeongin – he had a feeling those two would team up and try to convince him to do something he didn't want to. He expected it, if he was being honest.

It was obvious that they were simply worried about him, but if these truly were his last two months on this Earth, Felix wanted to live them the way he wanted to. Even if that meant he had to argue with his friends.

Oh, how Felix hated arguing.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Felix was in the kitchen and just finished making tea when the door opened and Jeongin walked in, Chan right behind him. The faerie quickly poured it into the cups he chose, making sure to add a bit of cold water as well. A burnt tongue was one of the most uncomfortable sensations a person could have.

Well, except for the feeling of flower petals scratching your throat and probably making it bleed on the inside, but that was pretty much only Felix's thing right now. 

“Felix?” Chan's voice echoed throughout the apartment.

“I'm in the kitchen! You can go straight to the living room. You come here though, Innie, I prepared tea and can't carry three cups by myself!” He could hear one pair of footsteps approaching and another getting further away, so they clearly listened to him. Nice. It was probably the only time the two would listen to him this evening. Hah.

“You can carry your own, I'll just take these two and–”

“Nono, I can take Chan–hyung’s too. You take your own, I've got it.” Felix couldn't even try and convince the siren that he could do it, because Jeongin simply took the two cups and started walking away. Felix only stared and sighed, following after him. There was no way he was going to like the discussion, even now the tension in the air was palpable. And they haven't even started yet. 

Chan was on the end of the couch, Jeongin sat down next to him and left space for Felix, but the faerie didn't sit there. Instead, he took a pillow, put it on the floor and sat opposite of them. He wanted to see their faces. He carefully sipped his tea, raising an eyebrow. “Well? What did you two want to talk about?”

Jeongin looked at Chan, as if he was expecting the older man to start, which– okay, it was understandable. Chan had this comforting, warm energy surrounding him, like a giant teddy bear and if Felix hadn't prepared himself beforehand, the chances of him not getting angry would've been high. But he did prepare and not a single trick the two in front of him could pull would calm him down. 

At least he hoped so.

“So,” Chan gulped, touching his ear nervously, “both of us noticed that you get tired more easily lately and that your breathing gets bad quickly. And I've been, uh, watching closely and your muscles themselves seem weaker. You seem weaker, Felix. The way you've been pulling through is admirable, but you can't keep going like this.”

Jeongin followed up with: “Hyung, there's certain things that none of us can do. It's dangerous for you to move around so much, it's dangerous for you to keep working. So, uh, me and Chan–hyung came to a conclusion that you might…dislike.”

Felix took another sip of his tea, trying to keep calm. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. “I'm listening. Go on.”

“We…we think that you should close the shop and simply stay at home. Or that you should stay in the hospital.” Chan sighed. “What you're going through and what you're doing right now, it can't stay that way. And it would be better for you to stop working sooner rather than later.

Felix closed his eyes and put down his cup. Don't get too angry, don't get too angry. “No.”

“But hyung–”

“I said no. I appreciate you looking out for me, both of you, but it's a no. Before you start arguing with me, I am willing to let one of you, or both if you must, help me in the shop. But I'm not closing and I'm definitely not going to the hospital. Do I have to remind you that Jisung and Minho are getting married? I can't miss it. And they can't know I'm sick. We've been through this so many times and it's starting to seriously bother me.” His knuckles turned white from the grip he had on the cup. He was dying, yes, but he didn't want to be coddled. He didn't need it. The problem was that both Chan and Jeongin were stubborn, so convincing them would be a hard task.

“Felix, we're sorry that you feel that way. Really. However–”

“No! No however, no buts. My response is no and it won't change, not until stage four.” He shook his head, standing up abruptly. “If we're done here, I'm going to my room to continue planning the flower decor for my friend’s wedding.” Felix already started walking away, feeling how restless the flowers were, how their leaves were rustling. They were properly shaped like flowers now, stems and all. It was only a matter of time until stage four made an appearance, that was for sure now. 

Felix opened the door to his room only to shut it right away. He made sure that the BANG! could be heard all the way to the living room – not that the distance was big, but the louder the better. 

He let himself fall onto his bed, burying his face in the pillows. He felt a tiny bit bad for not letting them speak, but this was his life. Well, the rest of it. Felix rolled over, staring into the ceiling. He simply blinked and let himself…exist. For a few minutes. It was way easier than living right now, to just lay there and do nothing. 

More than five minutes passed when he heard a weak knock. Felix lifted his head and the knock came again, stronger this time. 

Rolling over again, his response to it came muffled but strong enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear – whether it was Chan or Jeongin. “Come in!”

The door opened. Felix didn't turn around, didn't even glance that way. He'd rather suffocate in the softness of his pillows at that moment.

“Hyung. Please turn around.” Ah. It was Jeongin. Still, Felix didn't budge and only shook his head. “I'm serious. I won't talk to you until you turn around and face me. Please.”

Reluctantly, Felix did. He was aware of the fact that he was acting like a small child throwing a tantrum, but…he couldn't help it. He bottled every emotion up for so long that the bottle broke and everything spilled out. He didn't know how to control it now, not when there was so much.

“Both me and Chan are really sorry. We wanted to look out for you, but I– I, uh, remembered what you told me when I found out. That you wanted to be there for the wedding no matter what.” Jeongin rubbed his nape. “You…we still think that you should stay at the hospital, but it is your choice and I hate that we put so much pressure on you.”

The siren seemed so sincere that Felix just…couldn't stay mad. It was impossible to be angry at Jeongin – he was way too cute. The faerie sighed, opening his arms without saying anything. It didn't even take a full minute and he had his arms full of his friend.

“I'm not mad. Well…not anymore. I was. I'm sorry I lashed out, there's just– I'm so overwhelmed and it's driving me crazy.” He softly patted Jeongin's back. “I don't need someone to watch over me like parents do. I need my friends to be here for me, most of all.” His eyes travelled to the door, where Chan was standing nervously, trying to stay out of sight but failing. “Both of you are trying to be, I know that. So, uh…whenever you're free, you can come and help at the shop. Except for Wednesday.”

“What happens on Wednesday?”

It's when Hyunjin comes to talk. “Nothing important, promise. I simply need some time for myself. And the middle of the week is perfect, isn't it?”

Chan finally wandered over to the two on the bed, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I need to say it myself – I'm sorry for being so pushy when you said no, Lix. I disrespected your boundaries, ones that you set even before I knew.”

“It's okay, Chris. Come here,” Felix patted the spot next to him, softly smiling. His chest hurt, but in the there's-too-much-pressure-in-your-lungs way rather than the you're-going-to-cough-way, so the fact that there was suddenly a small cuddle pile didn't really matter to Felix. He wouldn't have to get up anytime soon.

Each of them ended up falling asleep, cuddling together.

•·—🏵️—·•

Felix was just outside, arranging some pots when a small hand tugged on his apron. He turned around and a small girl, probably six or seven, was looking up at him, eyes all sparkly.

“Oh, hello.” Felix looked around, locating the girl's mom. She was on the phone near a lamp, her back turned. His attention quickly went back to the child.

“Excuse me sir,” she hugged the stuffed dog she was holding to her chest, “are you an angel?”

It took Felix by surprise, but he quickly smiled and crouched down to her eye level. “I'm not, sweetie. Look at my ears,” he pointed to one, “they're pointy, see? Faeries and elves have pointy ears.”

“But you look just like an angel from my picture book!” She said, intently staring at his ears.

“I assure you, I'm not. I'm a faerie.” He couldn't help but smile wider – kids were way too cute sometimes. “I'm flattered that you think so, though. Why do I look like an angel?”

“Your hair! It's long and white. And your face – those spots, they're the same as the one on the picture has! My mama says that they're kisses from angels, so you must be one to have so many!"

That was so adorable. Felix liked interacting with little kids, they could be so nice…

“But…it's true that an angel probably wouldn't have so much gray around them.” She pouted.

“Gray…?”

“I can see what people feel in colours around them! You have pink swirling near your chest, but there's also lots of gray swirls. Are you hurt?” She hugged her plushie closer. 

“I…I'm not. I'm a bit sick.” He admits in a whisper. The kid wouldn't understand, so it wasn't very risky.

“Why are you not in your bed with tea then? Shouldn't you rest when you're sick?” She tilted her head, confused.

“I only feel bad sometimes. And I have to take care of all these flowers – when I feel very bad, I do lay in my bed and take medicine.”

At that moment, the girl’s mother rushed over. “Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Sweetheart, I told you to not wander off.” She took the kid’s hand. “I'm sorry if she bothered you – she's a runner.”

“It's okay.” Felix stood up, his knees cracking. “She didn't bother me, not at all. We had a nice chat, right?”

“Yes! Mama, he looks like the angel in my book, doesn't he?” The girl jumped up and down. Her mother looked tired, as if this was a conversation they've had many times before. 

“He does a bit, honey.” The woman smiled. “I'm sorry once again, thank you for indulging her. We need to go now, so say bye to the nice man, Zoey.” 

“Bye bye, get better soon!” She waved at him with her little hand, so Felix waved back. They left and he just…stood there. Gray and pink near his chest, huh…judging by her reaction, the gray meant hurt or something. But what did the pink mean? He couldn't ask her, so he had to let it go. Oh well.

He turned around and went into the shop, sighing. It was a nice interaction, he couldn't deny that, but it worried him a little. Who else could see the gray swirls? 

Felix shook his head, walking behind the counter and watering the plants there just to have his hands do something. It wasn't really unusual for him to feel jittery, but some days were still a bit worse than others.

Another article was written about him. Well, about “the person with hanahaki disease”. A lot of information was written there, like who his doctor was – but thankfully nothing more about him. Except for the fact that he was a faerie and blonde. There were lots of faeries matching that description, so nobody could connect the dots to him. He had to do something to help get the suspicion off of him for as long as he could, though. He touched the ends of his hair, bringing a strand in front of his face so that he could look at it. Maybe it was about time he dyed it…

The bell above the door jingled, startling Felix out of his thoughts. He grinned as soon as he saw who it was, though.

“I thought that you'd be way too busy painting. I'm glad you could make it.” 

“It's easy to make time for you.” Hyunjin shrugs, trying to look nonchalant and failing. The sparkle in his eyes always made his efforts to appear calm futile. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing much. Had a little kid tell me that I look like an angel, though. It was really sweet.”

“But…everyone in our friend group calls you an angel?” Hyunjin tilted his head, trying his best not to laugh.

“Shut up, this is different. She asked me if I was an angel. She really thought I was one! It was adorable.” Felix pouted, crossing his arms. “Besides, when a little kid compliments you, it makes your whole day. You're an elf, you've probably grown up in a clan, weren't the youngest kids the sweetest?”

Hyunjin's smile freezes, suddenly looking…tense. As if Felix hit a nerve he had no idea existed. “Ah, that is true, to an extent.” The laugh the elf let out was clearly forced. “They can also be brutally honest, though. I dyed my hair silver once and a kid told me that I look old.” He grins, but it still feels weird. Felix couldn't really explain it, so he stored the interaction into the back of his mind so that he could go through it again, at a slower pace. He just cackles.

“No way! Are you serious? Now I fear I might have to see what you looked like with the dyed hair. Y'know, so that I can judge if the kid was right.” The faerie lights up suddenly, standing straight. “Speaking of, I was thinking about dyeing my hair! Which colour do you think would suit me?”

Hyunjin instantly narrows his eyes playfully, posing in a way that made it look like he was inspecting an art piece. “Now that is a complicated situation. Your blonde hair suits you perfectly, so I'd go with a light colour to not change it as much.” He tilts his head. “I know you like blue, but…it wouldn't fit with your vibe right now. Maybe pastel purple or pink? I think that would look great.”

Purple or pink…something that wouldn't change his hair too much…bingo. Now he knew what colour he'd choose. “Thank you, Jin. I think I will ask you about anything that has “colour choosing” in it now.” 

“At your service, whenever you need.” Hyunjin bowed dramatically, hair falling into his face and some even getting in his mouth. Felix could only laugh as he tried to spit it out.

This…he liked this. The easiness that came with Hyunjin every time they hung out. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't really care. It was just refreshing, to not feel so exhausted while hanging out. It was nice. 

“So, did you make any progress with the flower arrangements for Minho's and Jisung's wedding?”

“Not at all,” Felix groaned, “it's harder than I thought. I've made around a hundred things like that but somehow I just can't find the perfect combination!” It maybe had something to do with the fact that he couldn't use his magic to pair the flowers up the way he used to…

“It could be because it's your first time doing it for a friend?” Hyunjin offered. “It makes sense that you'd want it to be the best. I can't say that I relate, because this is my first time doing anything for an event this big, but…yeah. You'll do great, Lix.”

How did he always know exactly what to say?!

“That– you might be right, actually.” Felix gestured for the elf to follow him to the back – which he did. “Maybe I could use an artist's opinion?”

“Lix, you know I don't know anything about flowers! I can't even tell them apart properly!” Hyunjin threw his arms into the air dramatically. “How could my opinion help?”

“You don't have to know anything,” Felix chuckled as he took out the flowers he already knew he'd use – the “base”. Cosmos and morning glories, as he told Jisung. “I only need you to tell me what looks good together, no need to know the meanings or names. It's not like I’d try to use any that mean, I dunno. Heartbreak and loss.”

The faerie then slipped into work mode momentarily. It was easy to wrap the bouquet and secure it the tightest he could while still having room to add the flowers he tried out. 

Hyunjin simply watched, fingers tapping against the wooden desk he sat on – when he did so, Felix had no idea. 

“Okay, now it's too quiet.” He said after a while, making Felix look over at him. “I, uh, started watching The Apothecary Diaries.”

“Really?” The blonde lit up. “What do you think so far? Who is your favourite character? Which concubine do you like the most?”

“Slow down!” Hyunjin giggled. “I'm only at, like, episode four. I tried to have it on as background noise while I painted, but I got a bit too into it and ended up doing nothing. I had to turn it off, so…it got promoted to “watch before bed and properly pay attention.” 

“I'm glad you like it, it's not to everyone's tastes. Still, I wanna know, favourite character and favourite concubine?”

“Hmm…I think I like Jinshi’s…advisor? Guard? I'm not sure what I should call him. He seems really chill.”

“Gaoshun."

“Right! That's his name. And for concubines…I feel bad for Lihua after the fourth episode. The way she sat next to Maomao and patted her…I couldn't imagine how bad she must've felt, knowing that she wouldn't be able to do the same to her son.” He stared at the ground for a moment. “I was glad she was okay in the end.”

Felix nodded. “Yeah, she's one of my favourites. I also like some of the concubines you haven't seen yet. My favourite character is Maomao, though.”

“Because you both like plants?”

“That's one of the reasons! The others are secret.” He winked and turned around. Because of that, he missed the light pink that coloured Hyunjin's cheeks. “Now, what do you think of this? I won't change these,” he pointed to the cosmos, “and these.” The morning glories. “They're Minho's and Jisung's birth flowers and I want them in there.”

“Wouldn't it be enough to have only those two, then?”

“No! It's too little. It needs at least one more. You've bought, like, 50 bouquets from me, you know how I make them!” He whined, hiding his face in his hands. “Who am I kidding, this is impossible. I can't do this. Whatever I do, it ends up looking nothing like I imagined!”

“Hey, uh, please don't have a mental breakdown. I'm not equipped for that right now. Show me the combinations you came up with? I'll judge them based on the aesthetic. I think I can do that.”

Felix only nodded, getting back to work without a word. 

He did end up having a mental breakdown. Two, actually. But Hyunjin was there to help him when that happened, whispering comforting words without even knowing that Felix wasn't feeling so shitty only because of the bouquet situation. It was still nice, though.

They didn't find the perfect combo, but that was okay. Hyunjin said he'd come back next week, after all. Maybe Felix would have the solution by then. 

To both of his problems.

Later, after he closed the shop and went back to his apartment to take a much needed shower (in which he unfortunately got a fit and almost slipped), he took out his phone to text Jisung.

Me:

Jisungie

My beautiful best friend

My one and only twin

My platonic soulmate

Twin win:

Yes my dearest bestest friend?

Me:

Can I come over likee…tomorrow?

I remember someone saying that they would…y'know…help me dye my hair someday…(⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)

Twin win:

OH MY GOD

FINALLYY!

You've been blonde for sooo long Lixieee

Of course you can come!!!

Whenever you want

Well not in the morning

Me:

Why not in the morning?

Twin win:

😏

Well if you reaaallyy wanna knoowww

Me:

NOPE.

FORGET I ASKED PLEASE!

Twin win:

🤣

Okay okay

Can't wait to dye it!

Maybe I should do something with MY hair too 🤔

Wait no I'm the ✨bride✨ and my suit is supposed to gather attention not my hair

Oh well

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING!

See you tomorrow Lixie 😘

Me:

Yayaya 

Twin win:

Wait! One last thing

Which colour are you gonna dye it?

Pleaseee tell me 

Me:

Well

I was thinking…

[1 picture attached]

Twin win:

Oh. My. GOD.

YES!

THAT WILL LOOK SOO GOOD ON YOUU

Amazing choice Lix

Minho is whining now so I gotta go for real this time

Byee!!

Me:

Say hi to him!

Byeee

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

There was too much blood. Way too much. It's usual for a few drops to come out, Felix has learned to expect that. This, however... this wasn't what he'd seen so far.

The sink was full of the red liquid, the metallic smell in the air thick and suffocating. Felix couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. He couldn't do anything but stare. 

Full blooms were floating in the blood, stained crimson, their original colour nowhere to be seen. The faerie knew them, he knew their shape but couldn't place where he'd seen them before. His mind was fuzzy and everything felt far away. All the sounds, sensations. He felt as if he was floating, nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It felt peaceful, almost, if it weren't for the terrible smell. 

And then the blood started rising.

Not fast, not at all. It rose slowly, like a predator does before pouncing on its prey. And that was exactly what Felix was. Something to be caught, ripped apart and discarded.

“You're too much.”

“You want all the attention.”

“Why must you make everything about yourself?”

“You ruined it. All of it. How could you?!”

“Leave. I don't want to see you any longer.”

“Worthless. Your face is the only pretty thing about you.”

“Don't touch me. You're filthy. Disgusting creature.”

“Why, Felix? Why are you so broken?”

The voices sounded like those of his friends. Where had they come from? The bathroom door was closed.

The blood continued rising. The sink was overflowing now, but Felix didn't care. Why should he? He had no one. Nothing to live for. He didn't move, didn't take a step back, only stared ahead, into the mirror and his reflection. The flowers weren't the only stained thing.

Felix's hair, once so light in colour, was now rusty, stuck together. There was blood all over his chin, his neck, even his shoulders. It was everywhere. He was dirty. Of course nobody wanted to stay. Who would want to be near something as repulsive as he was?

The blood from the sink reached his feet now.

There was nothing. No panic, no fear. No acceptance. Just something hollow deep inside, something that had once cared. But no more. Feelings are the path to inevitable hurt. No matter how you approach them, you always, always, get hurt in the end.

It reached his knees now.

He thought about the before, when he was happy. Before all the hurt, before the coughing. He laughed so much. Smiled so much. Always was the bright one, the sunshine. But no more. There wasn't room for that version of him anymore. Now he was only empty. A husk of a person.

His legs were completely covered. The scarlet fluid was rising faster now.

He thought about Jisung's and Minho's wedding. If he wasn't so broken, he could be there. They wouldn't have cursed him out. If he wasn't such a failure, they wouldn't have been so harsh.

Wouldn't have kicked him out of their group with no hesitation.

Felix was drowning. Not only physically. 

The blood soaked his body, entered it as if it wanted to go back into his veins. It was sticky and everywhere, covering every inch of him and the entirety of the bathroom.

No voices called for him. No one banged on the door, wanting to help. There was only silence. He didn't struggle. He was too weak to. 

The four walls around disappeared, so did the floor and ceiling. A strong current came from nowhere, carrying Felix away. That's when the voices came again. Angry, hateful, disgusted. 

There was nothing suddenly. No blood. Only him and the glass wall separating him from everyone else. He was covered in red from head to toe, it dripped from his clothes and stained the sand underneath. He was on a beach now, but the wall remained.

He watched as his friends laughed. Each of them not seeing him. They looked happy, way happier than they did whenever he was around. Was he some sort of vampire that fed on happiness? He had to be. Right, that was probably it.

He had been called an angel not long ago. He wished he could go back in time and tell that girl he was no angel, but a demon with the face of one. How else could he cause so much pain?

A dark blob appeared next to him. It took the form of a person. It remained black, the only different thing was that its eyes were white. It was silent, watching the same scene he was. 

“You’re it, aren't you. The curse.” Felix finally spoke. Whispered, actually. His throat hurt too much for it to be anything louder.

The figure shrugged. “We didn't mean to.” It spoke with a voice that sounded like many more combined. Male and female, everything at once. “It is out of our control. Everything. But we're sorry.”

“Out of your control?”

“How we manifest. This is a first.”

Felix wasn't numb anymore. The beach disappeared, so did the blood on him. He looked down at his hands and blinked, confused. All his feelings came back, as did the memories. His friends hadn't abandoned him. It was a dream. A nightmare.

But… he was aware now. Why was he still dreaming?

“What do you mean first?” He looked back up again. The curse was “looking” at him now, it's white eyes seeming almost…sad. “You…you're not the original hanahaki curse, are you?”

It shook its head. “No. We are not.”

“What are you, then? If not that? I don't understand.” He rubbed his temples, only now noticing that he was standing on little flower buds. Ones that have not bloomed yet. Were they the ones he coughed up?

“We go by many names. We are heartbreak. We are the burden that comes with loving. A curse to one, a blessing to others, the ones that felt betrayed. We don't want to be here, but we have to be.” 

Felix tilted his head. “Here as in…inside me?”

The curse nodded. “We cannot control where we go.”

“Who is it? The one who does control you? And why did they curse me?” He was getting lightheaded now. And pretty much desperate. Maybe if the curse told him, he could find them and…

“We cannot say. Magic prevents us from doing so. If you end up joining us, you will know, as we all return in the end.” The figure started dissolving, disappearing into thin air.

“No, wait! What do you mean join you?! I don't understand, please I–” he froze. Because what was just a shadow that took form now transformed into faces. People his age. Kids. Teenagers. There weren't too many, not even twenty. That's when he understood.

The curse referred to itself in plural because it absorbs the “soul” of the person it takes. What he just talked to were the combined souls of all the people that died because of it.

“We wish you luck,” a child, a little girl whispered, “so that you never join us.”

Then everything disappeared. And Felix was screaming, falling into a dark void and couldn't do anything…

He sat up right as he woke up, his hand placed on his heart straight away. What had just happened? Was that simply his imagination or was it…real? Had the curse really spoken to him? What the fuck?!

He wiped the sweat from his forehead using the blanket and sighed. He glanced at the clock – 5AM. Looks like he's not going to fall asleep again. He couldn't go and make breakfast just yet, it was way too early and he'd wake up Jeongin. It wasn't good to have a grumpy siren close by.

He laid down after successfully calming down – all on his own! – and stared at the ceiling. He thought about the faces he's seen. About all the lives the curse had taken without anyone knowing. And he could be a new addition to the voice soon, if he doesn't get cured.

At least he didn't end up like the last time he had a nightmare. He had to throw away that bin the next day. Felix groaned, rubbing his eyes. The next ten minutes were spent with him trying to fall asleep again, but it was futile. Well, he tried at least. He'd probably need a coffee to function today. 

He gave up on sleep (which he lamented) and reached for his phone. Just scrolling for a while wouldn't hurt, right? 

He went on instagram first. Then twitter, which he quickly turned off because people were speaking nonsense again. Then TikTok, where he probably spent the longest. How could he resist the cute animal videos that popped up on his page?

He had a soft smile on, continuing on before freezing on a video. It was a girl, probably in her late teens or very early twenties and she was talking about…oh. Him.

“Hey guys! I got new info on the patient with hanahaki. It's from a direct source!”

What the– that couldn't be real. People were making videos for attention about someone dying!?

“The person goes to this hospital – the pic is behind me – and their doctor is Eunkyung Song, a faerie. Apparently, nobody knows how to help the poor guy, because it's been way too long since somebody had hanahaki. I'll be back with more info, promise, mwah and see you again!”

That was…woah. How can a person feel little to no empathy about something so severe? He was curious about the comments now, too. He'd probably regret it as soon as he'd open them, but…fuck it, he wanted to know if there was someone that shared his opinion. That it wasn't okay.

«Jade»🪼:

I feel do bad :(( thx for the small update! Hope the person is alright :(

Felix scrunched up his face. Not a good start…

~^Mimi^~:

It must be so hard for their family omg…I couldn't imagine 😞

Giggleshitter🔥:

I take my grandma to that hospital sometimes! Maybe I saw them but didn't realize? That’d be cool tbh

｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡:

Hey so this isn't okay? You're literally sharing private information about someone you don't know? This is literally illegal…in sooo many ways

Finally. One person was normal, at least. He scrolled down some more, seeing more comments that were supportive of the video than the ones that called the girl out. It was a shame, the fact that so many people wanted to know about him just because he was sick. 

“Assholes…” he muttered under his breath, deciding to scroll again. For his own mental health. 

Unfortunately it seemed he was all the internet wanted to talk about, so he turned his phone off again. It was still way too early to get up, so doing nothing it was.

Then he got a notification.

Seungmo:

Changbin wants to let you know that the flower you enchanted is still alive

Thanks a lot

He was getting really desperate

Me:

Of course! It's no problem (⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

I'm always happy to help

Isn't it a bit early for you to be up though…?

Seungmo:

Could ask u the same thing

Changbin's here Lix 

Me:

Y'know me, I'm an early bird

Oh 

That explains it

Enjoy then…? (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

Seungmo:

He says hi

Oh I will 

😏

Me:

SEUNGMIN USED AN EMOJI THIS IS HUGE OH MY GOD

WOW

IT'S A MIRACLE!

Seungmo:

Jesus calm down 

Bye

Me:

MIRACLE I TELL YOU!!

Seungmo:

BYE.

Felix grinned. Well, that improved his mood. He thought about texting Jisung for a bit, but decided against it as the hybrid would definitely be asleep. And if he wasn't then he didn't want to interrupt whatever was going on. The gods know that Jisung would actually pick up. 

(It happened before.)

Felix's throat started tickling, the familiar sensation breaking his little calm bubble. He groaned, already sitting up and grabbing the bucket by his bed. The first fit of the day…it was nothing crazy. Mostly phlegm and not much blood, it wouldn't be as bad as later in the day–

He started coughing, the sound echoing a bit too loud for his liking. What was also not to his liking was the amount of blood that he spat out. There was never this much in the morning. It reminded him of the dream right away – the rising blood in the sink…that was horror movie material. Felix shivered just thinking about it. 

As soon as it was over, he decided to finally get up. His stomach was growling loudly, he felt lightheaded from the lack of magic.

Today was supposed to be a good day. He’ll be hanging out with Jisung without having to discuss the wedding much. He'll get to dye his hair. He wouldn't dwell on the dream much – or at least he'll try. And he definitely won't mention it to anyone. 

This was truly only his to know.

•·—🏵️—·•

The walk to Jisung's place felt longer than it should've been.

Felix was moving sluggishly, partly because he didn't want to accidentally interrupt anything and partly because he felt tired. Drained of all energy. Hopefully his friend would help him recharge…

It was a hot day and Felix felt like all of his make-up was melting off. He did his best to hide the black circles under his eyes and how pale he was, but mother nature was against him today. He almost called it off before he even got outside, wanting to simply rot in his bed, but Jisung was probably so excited…and Felix needed the change of colour. Not only because it's been so long, but because it would throw the world off of his trail.

Oof. He wished everything would go back to normal…

His thoughts went back to the dream he had. He's been trying not to think about it, but it was practically impossible not to. He still doesn't know who cursed him, but now he knew that they had more victims in the past. The person has to be a lot older than he is, if the little girl that spoke to him was one of the first victims. He didn't even notice that he got to Jisung's building already, too preoccupied with trying to solve the mystery of who the fuck it could be.

He was ready to walk into anything, if he was being honest, because it has happened a lot. Not even a year ago, Felix accidentally stumbled into the bathroom at the wrong time and saw something he wished he could erase from memory forever. Imagine his relief when Jisung opened the door fully clothed.

“Finally! It was taking you forever, Lixie!” He pulled the faerie inside, quickly shutting the door. “Do you have the dye? Well, that's not really important actually because I bought some of the one you sent me just to be safe.”

“I was the one that actually went out and bought it!” Minho yelled from somewhere, probably the kitchen, if the clanking sounds were anything to go by.

“But I sent you, shut up!” Jisung responded before turning to Felix again. “So we have the dye just in case and for future use. Y'know. When you inevitably decide to dye your hair this colour again because a certain someone likes it.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “There's no someone, Ji. How many times do I have to tell you? I don't like anyone!”

“Hmm, denial. I get it. Anyway–”

He started talking about the plan he made – they would wash Felix's hair first, then apply the dye and while waiting, they'll put on face masks and watch something. Felix also suggested that they paint their nails while his hair dries, which Jisung was very excited about.

They haven't had their "JiLix" bonding time in what felt like ages. 

“Why the sudden change, though?” Jisung asked when they were in the bathroom, reading the hair dye instructions. “You've had blonde hair for such a long time now and this is very…” he thought for a bit. “Well, shocking.”

“I'm not sure actually. I just…I guess that I got bored of the blonde, I don't know.” He shrugs. “It's about time I switched things up a bit.”

“Okay okay.” Jisung nodded along. “Completely understandable. Well…let's get this party started!”

Felix snorted as Jisung rushed through the rest of the instructions. He wasn't even sure if the hybrid read them correctly, but he couldn't care less. He was having fun and nothing was going to take it away from him today.

That's why he took three pills to slow everything down this morning. One wasn't enough anymore. Hopefully he'd have a fit in the evening, long after everything here was done.

“Okay, so we gotta wet your hair. It says here that you're not supposed to have it washed with shampoo, so let's just rinse it.” Jisung grinned, already leasing Felix to the bathtub. “I'm so excited!”

“I don't think I'll ever understand your enthusiasm for, well…almost everything.” Felix snorted. “We're only dying my hair, it's not like we're celebrating some huge milestone?”

Jisung was quiet for a bit, using only his hands to put Felix where he needed him – kneeling by the tub, leaning over so that they could rinse his hair without flooding the bathroom.

“I'll be completely honest,” Jisung sighed. “It's…you seem a bit…no, let me rephrase. To me, it feels as if you've been pulling away lately. Not that you're not allowed to want your own space! But I just…I was worried that I did something, you know? But I'm glad that you're here now, because I don't have to worry about you leaving anymore. You were just tired, right? Needed some space to recharge?”

The guilt was overpowering. The last one and a half– no, the last two months have been hard on him, but he failed to notice that his friend was sad about it and noticed how he was slowly trying to pull away. Maybe the nightmares he had carried a small grain of truth in them. He wasn't the greatest friend ever. 

Since Felix's face was hidden by his – now drenched – hair, he didn't have to force a smile. “You know you're not getting rid of me, Ji. I wouldn't just leave like that, you know damn well I'd tell you to your face if you did anything to make me mad.” His tone was cheerful, or at least he hoped it was. 

He hated lying. But right now, he had no other option.

Jisung hummed and Felix could practically hear the smile he had on. “That's true. You're always honest about those things. Anyway, we're supposed to be having fun, not deep conversations about how miserable and insecure we are.” He passed Felix a towel. “Dry your hair a teeny tiny bit, then we'll bring out the real stuff.” 

“You know that the deep conversations are the ones we always end up in, right?” Felix laughed, using the towel to wipe the small trail of blood that ran down his chin. Please, not now. “It's a rule for sleepovers of all kinds and our bonding time.”

“But it's better to talk about those things at the end of the hangout or at, like, 3 to 4am, not at the beginning!” Jisung crossed his arms. “Besides, I'm getting married and you're my best man of honour, so…”

Felix froze, the hair falling in his face. “Wait. What? What did you just say?!”

The hybrid only smiled wider. “Ah, you know. The brides always have a maid of honour and it's always their best friend, sooo…I mean, if you don't want to do it I can ask Seungmin–”

“Of course I want to do it, are you crazy!? Han Jisung oh my god!” Felix jumped up and down, the excitement taking over the pain for once. The motion made water drip from his hair, but he didn't care. “You are crazy for not telling me sooner!!”

“Sorry, sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise!” Jisung threw the discarded – and forgotten – towel at the faerie again. “Now dry those ends so we can turn you into a pink cotton candy goddess!”

Distributing the dye equally wasn't hard at all, Jisung was skilled and has helped their friends dye their hair many times over the years. Felix knew he could trust him with everything. His head was covered in different big sections of aluminum foil when Jisung finished. The hybrid also pulled out a plastic wrap from nowhere that he put on all the foil to “prevent potential staining”, as he liked to call it.

According to the instructions, they were supposed to let it set for half an hour, so they moved to the living room where many soft blankets and plushies waited for them. Felix set a timer on his phone while Jisung turned on the TV and searched for something they could either put on as simple background noise or actually watch. 

He ended up putting on Bluey and, despite it being a kids show, both of them couldn't take their eyes off of it. It was really entertaining and, because Jisung is an amazing friend, he put it on in English with Korean subtitles – just in case – and Felix felt his heart ache at the familiar accent of the characters.

Hearing that made him realize that he'd never visit Sydney or any other place in Australia again. Not what he wanted from today. 

Minho came in and scrunched his nose at one part. “You're watching a show about dogs in the presence of a cat shifter and cats? Shame on you two, shame on you.”

“But hyuunngg.” Jisung whined playfully. “It's not all that bad, just watch a little bit with us, you'll see!”

They ended up watching two more episodes together before the timer went off. Minho went back to cooking, half-heartedly still complaining about the “show about stinky dogs.” 

(While Jisung and Felix passed the kitchen, they could hear him humming the theme song. They said nothing.)

By the time most of the dye washed out, Felix felt his lungs rattling – he hadn't coughed since that morning and the flowers were getting restless. Telling Jisung that he'd take a shower to properly wash his hair wasn't hard, but convincing him to leave the bathroom was. He wanted to stay and talk, while Felix needed to be alone so that he could cough in relative peace.

In the end, the faerie was succesfull and got himself some alone time. With the water turned on, the sounds of him practically choking would be easy to miss, even with both Minho's and Jisung's better hearing. Or at least he hoped so.

Two people knowing was enough. And these two could not, under any circumstances, find out until after their wedding.

Felix managed to wet his hair and shampoo it without any problems, but before he could properly wash off all the foam, he started coughing.

He thought he'd be used to it by now, but he was wrong. So wrong. Every once in a while, he has a fit so bad it makes him cry so bad he can't even move afterward. This one? It felt even worse. 

His throat hurt so bad that he grabbed at it, wanting to tear into it with his hands and pull the flowers out himself. It would be less painful than what was going on right now. 

He kneeled, the water still on, spraying over his bare shoulders. The edges of his vision became blurred, whether from tears, the water or because there was not enough oxygen, he didn't know. Blood started coming out first, getting washed down the drain right away, but even then Felix could tell. There was a lot of it. More than there should've been. More than there usually was. Just like that morning and in his nightmare. 

His condition was worsening. Fast. 

After an entire minute, the petals finally left his throat and, together with even more blood, landed near the drain. There were three – nothing weird. He's been coughing up three for a long time, which meant that stage four still hasn't sunk its claws into him. But still, something was wrong.

And he'd find out what it was soon. He'd try, at least. 

He quickly finished the wash, making sure the evidence of his deteriorating health was disposed of. It was quite easy in the shower. 

Felix dried his hair with the red towel Jisung prepared, not brave enough to look at himself in the mirror just yet. What if this was a mistake? What if he looked ridiculous? Only one way to find out…

Locating his friends was easy, as their voices rang very loudly from the kitchen. There were no more clanking sounds, which meant that Minho probably finished cooking. Felix could use a bite of something, he felt exhausted.

“I hope I won't see anything I definitely don't want to see in there!” He called out, just to be safe. The response to it was Jisung's laughter. 

“You're okay! We're not doing anything scandalous.”

Still, Felix walked in with his eyes covered. “It smells amazing in here. Is everything done?”

“If you actually looked then you'd know.” Minho huffed, but Felix could hear the smile in his words. “But yes, everything's done. Go and sit. And for the love of whatever deity is watching over you, uncover your eyes. We're seriously not doing anything.”

“Yeah, we had our fun in the morning, before you came over. I'm way too sore for another round!”

“No you're not,” Minho and Felix both replied, one a bit happier about it than the other. 

“...yeah I'm not. Anyway!”

Felix did uncover his eyes, only to see all the food Minho's prepared. The sight alone made saliva pool in his mouth. “Wow, you've really outdone yourself, hyung.”

Jisung was already sat, playing with his chopsticks. “Right?? I kept telling him, but he didn't believe me. Apparently I say that so often it's not validating enough.” He rolled his eyes, pouting. 

“I didn't say that!” Minho sounded offended. “I only told you that–”

“I do not want to be part of your weird foreplay, please.” Felix groaned. “I know you two a bit too well, I'd say. At least wait until I'm out of here.”

“Sorry, Lix.” Jisung grinned, not apologetic at all. Then the spark in his eyes dimmed. He opened his mouth to say something, but Minho beat him to it as he sat down, too.

“You look a little pale. And you've got black circles under your eyes. Are you okay?” 

“Oh.” Felix blinked. He didn't realize that he'd been around them only while he was wearing make-up lately. “I'm…fine. A few nights of bad sleep, I guess. I think the stress of managing my shop on my own for so long finally caught up to me.” 

It wasn't a complete lie, his sleeping really wasn't the best lately…

“Are you sure? Ah, it's not because of the flowers you're making for us, is it? You'd tell us if it's too much, right?” Jisung leaned forward, biting his bottom lip. 

“No! It's not that, promise. I have Jeongin helping me now, and it's gotten better. Promise.” He held out his pinky, smiling softly. “Really, I'm fine.”

They believed him. The rest of the day was filled with happy chatter and meaningless conversation, exactly the distraction Felix needed.

Because as soon as he'll get home, he'll need to move the date of his appointment to a closer date. He knows damn well he can't ignore all the blood, not when it could be an early sign of stage four. It wasn't written anywhere on the internet, but his case of hanahaki wasn't really a textbook example.

And he'd have to let Dr. Song know he needs a refill of his pills. Maybe he'd ask for stronger ones, if they had them.

After all, the ones he was taking weren't working anymore.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

“Hyung. Hyung. I could've helped too!” Jeongin pouted when he saw Felix's hair the following morning. When the siren got home, Felix was already asleep and he knew how rare a full night’s sleep was for the faerie.

“I promised Jisung a long time ago, Innie. You'll help next….” 

Next time. But there won't be a next time. 

Jeongin seemed to realize that, too, as he gulped very loudly and changed the subject quickly. “Well, pink really suits you. I thought that if you dyed your hair, you would've gone for a more vibrant colour! Why did you choose such a light shade?”

“Maybe pastel purple or pink? I think that would look great.”

Hyunjin's voice comes to mind. 

“No reason, I was just curious if it would suit me. Plus I thought it would be easy to redye if something went wrong.” Felix shrugs, moving further into the apartment. “Anyway, how was your day? Except for that coffee spilling tragedy you messaged me about.”

Jeongin lit up at that, only a little bit, but it was enough. Felix listened to his story intently as long as he could've, but he had to make a call. It couldn't wait. 

“And that's all, I think.” The siren grinned. “Do you need help in the store today? I'm free, so I could.”

“Thank you, Innie. Could you open it today, please? I need to call Dr. Song to ask about something. I promise it's nothing bad, I only need to move the date of my appointment, right now it's on the same day as the…what was it again…right, the cake tasting Jisung wants to go to. As if he'd choose anything over cheesecake…” 

When had he gotten so good at lying?

“I see! Okay, so, you make the call and I'll go down. Remind me which flowers I'm supposed to water first?”

“The ones farthest from the window. I'll be there in a bit, thank you really.”

As soon as he was alone, Felix went to the living room and dropped onto the couch. He fished out his phone from his pocket, finding Dr. Song’s number right away. With his finger right above the “call” button, he hesitated. Should he ask for stronger pills? Wouldn't it look like he developed an addiction? No, surely if he explained what was happening properly she'd help…

Chasing these thoughts away, he pressed the button and put the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice, three times. Dr. Song picked up on the sixth ring.

“Hello, this is Dr. Song speaking. How may I help?”

“Yes, hello, uh…this is Lee Felix.” He ignored how shaky his voice was. “I'm calling because I…I think I need to reschedule my appointment to an earlier date. Stage four is yet to make an appearance, but something strange is going on and it's freaking me out, if I'm being honest.”

“Hm, alright. Which date do you want to move it to?” She said after a minute of silence. 

“I was thinking just a week earlier?”

“I'll check my schedule, just to be sure that I'm free. Could you explain your concerns to me while I do that?”

Felix swallowed, trying his best to pay no attention to the lump that formed in his throat. Or was it a flower? “I've been throwing up more blood than usual for the past…three days, I think. The number of petals is still the same, I don't think it's stage four but it's still…weird.”

Dr. Song hummed and Felix could hear the clicking sounds from a keyboard in the background. “That does sound unusual…anything else that you've noticed? Frequent nausea, more dizziness for example?”

“No, nothing like that. However…I had a dream not so long ago. And I know this might sound like I went crazy, but I met the curse. It's sentient.”

Silence.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I even knew I was dreaming by the time it showed itself, and…it said a few things that…it was creepy. I think that I could describe it better in person?”

“Absolutely. There's a free spot next Wednesday, come see me then. Anything else?”

The pills. He should ask about the pills. Why won't his lips move?

“No, nothing else.” He whispers in the end. Maybe it'll be better to ask for them in person, so that Dr. Song can see how desperately he needs them…or maybe not?

“Alright then. See you soon, Mr. Lee.” She hangs up. 

Felix stares at the floor for a bit. Jisung's and Minho's wedding is only three weeks away now, which is a lot of time but, at the same time, very little. For him at least. If it gets worse sooner than anticipated, then the tower of secrets he's built will collapse. His friends will postpone any and all events to take care of him. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be a burden to them. 

He let himself wallow for a moment longer before getting up (slowly so that he wouldn't get dizzy) and made his way to the door. And his shop. The beautiful, colourful, terrifying flower shop.

Maybe the feeling of being watched by all the flowers won't make itself known today. 

•·—🏵️—·•

“I'm really sorry, but we're all out of carnations today. There are many flowers with a similar look or meaning, though, if you'd be interested–”

“No! I told my daughter in law I'd bring carnations, so I'll bring them! I saw someone coming out of here with them, do not lie to me young man.” The witch huffed, anger rolling off of her in waves.

“Miss, the man you've seen had them reserved, and those were the last bouquet we had. I'm really, really sorry. There are no–”

“You're lying! I'm sure you have plenty in the back and just refuse to serve witches because you're biased!”

Felix resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't even say anything like that!

“I assure you, I am not. I truly don't have any left.” He said with the kindest, softest voice he could muster, even with his growing irritation. He wished he didn't send Jeongin for something to eat. Dealing alone with someone so dense hasn't happened in a long time. “I can give you a discount for some of the peonies and–”

“Ugh, are you stupid!? I don't want peonies, I want carnations! You're a faerie, aren't you? Can't you just make them grow with that earth magic of yours!?” She put her hands on her hips, huffing in anger.

You can't punch customers, Felix, you can't punch customers.

“No, I cannot, it doesn't work that way. I can only quicken their growth, not make them grow out of nowhere. I do not have their seeds, nor do I have the flowers themselves.”

She clicked her tongue, face reddening in anger. “You call this a flower shop? When you don't even have the thing you claim to sell!? You liar!”

“Ma’am, I have plenty of other flowers. If you look around, you could see that. I don't have carnations because the world doesn't revolve around you and other people also wanted them today and I don't have more. I am now asking you to leave my shop and look elsewhere.”

“Wha– this is discrimination!” She screamed, eyes wide with rage. “You can't talk to customers like that! Who do you think you are!?”

“This shop’s owner.” Felix narrowed his eyes, voice dropping to the lowest tone it could. “And I am telling you to leave. You've been rude to me the whole time you've been here. I do not have the patience for this, so I am asking you to just leave and look for carnations elsewhere.”

She seemed like she wanted to argue more, but in the end she gave up, huffed some more and stormed out. 

“Unbelievable,” Felix dragged a hand down his face, trying to breathe. He hasn't talked to anyone in a threatening way in a while.

“Wow, didn't think you could get angry.” A voice suddenly comments and Felix jumps, getting ready to tackle the person, only to blink in surprise.

“Hyunjin, when did you get here?”

“Somewhere between “you refuse to serve witches” and “I don't want peonies.” The elf shrugged with a grin and came closer to the counter. “Honestly, I wanted to interfere for a moment there, but you're…you're scary when you get mad. I'm not joking, I got chills.”

Felix smiles, the rest of his anger dissipating into nothing. “I'm sorry you had to see that. I just…hate when older people refuse to pay attention to what you're saying and end up completely twisting your words.” He sighs, completely leaning on the counter. The argument exhausted him. At least Hyunjin brought out some of the cheerfulness he's been lacking lately. It was great, to not feel like shit for once.

“I totally get that.” Hyunjin looks away, suddenly looking…sad. “Some of the elders from my clan– they didn't….particularly like me.”

“How can someone not like you? You're so…you're so nice! Don't tell me you were one of those kids that had to be on a leash when they were outside?” Shocked would be an understatement. Why, of all people, would they dislike Hyunjin?

The comment made the elf chuckle. “No! I mean, at least I don't remember being like that. Sometimes people just don't like you and you have to simply live with it.” He seems like he doesn't want to talk about it anymore, so Felix quickly changes the subject.

“Anyway, all this about the lady and not a single comment about my hair?” He raises an eyebrow, fighting a smile as Hyunjin blinks and, for the first time since they started talking, notices Felix's pink hair.

“Oh. Oh, I didn't notice! Woah. That colour really suits you.” He smiles, wide. “When did you have the time to…?”

“Didn't open yesterday and went to Jisung's instead. He helped and then we had lunch together. Minho cooked.”

Hyunjin freezes before pulling out his phone and trying not to laugh – and failing, because the breathy sounds he makes are very obvious. 

“So that's why he was whining to me about not cuddling Jisung.” He shows Felix a group chat.

[Chaos incarnate, dad and ferret]

Weirdo Minho:

I can't cuddle Ji :((

He's busy :((

And I'm cooking

But I have to wait now 

Entertain me peasants

Wolf Guy:

Minho

Why do you always message us only when Jisung's busy or when you need something

How about replying to us making plans for once?

Weirdo Minho:

No.

Me:

Well

Just focus on cooking?

Weirdo Minho:

But Jiisuuungggg

Felix gives the phone back, now laughing as well. “Weirdo Minho? Really? Does he know?”

“Nope. Please don't tell him, I've been threatened by him more times than I can count and told him I changed it in…May.”

“I'm not going to tell him,” Felix grins, “but you better watch out when he's around. Especially if he's without Jisung, he turns crazily perceptive.” He glances at the phone again. “Never thought that he could be this whiny though.”

Hyunjin solemnly nods his head. “It happens more often than you think, Lix.” He then jumps to a whole new topic. “Are you ready for the suit fitting? Jisung's been blowing up my phone so I can't imagine how it must be for you.”

“Oh, yeah, I get up to a thousand messages a day. Well, I do tell him to not text me while I'm at work and he tries keeping his promise, but…yeah, he does do it now. I think it's getting to his brain again.” Felix drums the counter with his fingers. “Only a bit of time is left, I know, but he's just being…”

“...he's being Jisung.” Hyunjin cracks a smile – one softer than the mischievous ones he had just a moment ago. “I think we should schedule another hangout without any wedding talk. It could help.”

“Yup. I fully agree.” Felix checked his phone to see that Jeongin was on his way back. Finally, he was feeling a bit hungry. “Do you have anywhere to be or can you stay for a while? Innie’s bringing food so I'll have a break.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin blinked – a few times, in quick succession. “Sure. I have time.”

Which is how he and Hyunjin ended up in the back while Jeongin watched the shop and took care of the customers. The elf was just telling Felix of what he did yesterday.

“And then the whole canvas fell down and I made a huge black streak in the middle. And, I mean, I don't have any ideas on how I should fix it. At least nothing that would fit with the painting’s theme.” Hyunjin pouted, looking like an insulted child. 

“I'm sure it's not that bad? Did you take a photo? Maybe you could show me.” Felix took another bite of the fried chicken Jeongin brought – not exactly what he had in mind when he sent the siren out, but who could turn down fried chicken?

“No, I didn't.” Hyunjin sighed, looking at the ground. “And it is that bad. I'll probably have to start over…the only good thing is the fact that it didn't happen when I was almost finished. If it did I'd hide in my room and cry. And eat a lot of chocolate. And never come out again.”

“Really? I wouldn't take you for the type to sulk.”

“Oh. Well…I know I don't look it, but I get very emotional very easily. If something bad happened, like…I can't think of anything, but if something world shattering – or something that would feel that way to me – happened I'd probably pack my stuff and move to the countryside with fourteen cats and a herd of sheep.” He nodded, as if he agreed with himself. 

Felix would've started laughing if he didn't inhale his food and started choking. Oh no. His eyes started watering and he felt the familiar movement in his lungs. Please, please not now.

“Oh shit– Lix are you okay?” Hyunjin jumped up, hitting Felix's back to help him cough out the piece of food he's choked on. It was nice of him, of course, but didn't help at all. Because a few petals wanted to come up now, too.

“Wa–ter–” he managed to somehow get out, trying to get his lungs to calm down, praying that the flowers would calm down and go back. Hyunjin reached into his back, pulling out a bottle of water and passing it to the faerie, who gladly took it. It wouldn't help as much as his tea would, but it could soothe his throat for at least a little bit. 

“Is it better now?” Hyunjin's hands twitched at his sides, as if he wanted to reach out and help, but something in Felix's body language stopped him from doing so.

Felix wiped his mouth, alarmed to see a smear of red. He gulped before regaining – most of – his composure. “Yeah. Can't believe I almost got killed by a piece of fried chicken.” He tried to joke to get the attention away from the blood, but…no such luck.

“Lix are…are you okay? There's…there's a bit of blood on your chin.”

“It's sweet that you worry, Hyunjin, but I just bit my tongue. I'm fine, really.” Felix smiles reassuringly – or he tries to, at least. “I'm serious, it's nothing. I'm fine, see?” He gently takes Hyunjin's hand, placing it over his heart. 

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I– I probably overreacted.”

But he doesn't move away. Felix doesn't, either. The hand touching his chest feels warm, even through the clothes he had on. Hyunjin slowly relaxes, the tension in his shoulders bleeding away as they just…stand there and look at each other. And for a moment, there was nothing else.

No disease, no curse, no fear of flowers, nothing. Only the two of them, Hyunjin's hand on Felix's chest, feeling the way his heart was beating. Just as the faerie opened his mouth to say something – anything – Jeongin calls out.

“Hyung, there's someone asking for some flower but they only know the latin name for it, please come here and sort it out! I have no idea what they're talking about!”

It breaks the impossibly soft atmosphere around them. Hyunjin's arm drops back to his side and Felix clears his throat before responding. “I'll be right there!”

He ignores the way his voice cracks.

“Sorry, Jin, I have to go back to the front. It was nice talking to you, as always. See you again soon?” He smiles, hoping it's at least a bit apologetic – he feels kind of bad, because today was one of their shortest “hangouts” so far.

Hyunjin nods, but his face looks…strange. Taut. As if there was something he didn't want Felix to see. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I'll, uh, I'll go now, I think I might try to fix the painting, y'know.”

“Riiight. Good luck with that, I hope I'll get to see the painting soon!” Felix is already on the way, his back turned to Hyunjin.

Which is how he misses how the elf stares at his hand, looking absolutely horrified.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

Jisung looks like he'll start vibrating any moment now. “I have a hyperfixation that I need to talk about it with you two or I'll explode.” 

He's driving the car with him, Felix and Seungmin inside. They're on the way to the suit fitting, which Felix is seriously not looking forward to. He likes the idea of wearing a suit, yes, but a fitting session sounds like something he'd rather skip…but he can't. He promised Jisung.

“If it's anything that small kids like…,” Seungmin sighs, already fishing out his headphones. Traitor.

“It's not! I swear. Lix, please take my phone and go to spotify...and play The Election of 1800.”

Both Felix and Seungmin shout at the same time: “Hamilton again!?”

“It's a damn good musical, leave me alone! Please just put it on? It'll calm my nerves. Pleasee?”

Felix sighs, already looking through Jisung's saved playlists. “You can't start listening to Hamilton whenever you're stressed, Ji. You've been coming back to it like this since high school. You know the entire thing from memory!”

“Yes. And?”

Seungmin had already tuned the two of them out, listening to his own stuff with his headphones. 

“I'm playing it. But only because this is about your wedding. Don't expect me to just put it on like this whenever you say so.”

Because he won't. Never again. Someone else will have to sit in the passenger’s seat, listening to the hybrid’s ridiculous ramblings and controlling which songs will play. It would be great if Seungmin does it. Or Hyunjin, even. Just someone who can take the spot of a “best friend” when Felix is…no longer here.

“And if you would ask me who I'd promote! Oh. Jefferson has my vote. Oh! I've never agreed with Jefferson once.” Jisung sings along, as loudly as he can…which is, in fact, very loud. He practically screams the end of Alexander's part. “But when all is said and all is done, Jefferson has beliefs. Burr has none!"

“I still don't understand how you can remember the whole thing…” Felix mutters, but even he has to admit he remembers this part. Jisung did make them all watch it with him, after all. 

“I don't know either. I just do. Anyway, we have to turn right here and the shop should be right…there! Yes, we found it and didn't get lost! Now I just need to find a place to park…”

Thankfully, there was a spot open not far from the tailor shop, which Felix appreciated. Simply walking was getting more exhausting for him, day by day. No one has heard his wheezing so far, though, which is something he’s really glad for. 

He followed right after Jisung and Seungmin and, even if Seungmin didn't want to admit it, he could see that he, too, was excited about today. Looking at the two like this…they'll be fine without Felix. They'll make a good duo. 

It'll be fine.

Jisung skips ahead, opening the door with a cheerful hello, and Felix is a bit embarrassed…but then the guy behind the counter smiles wide and greets the hybrid by his name.

“Jisung, hi! Glad you could make it.” The man's eyes dart to Felix and then Seungmin. “I'm Seonghwa, Minho's friend. It's nice to meet you. Hongjoong will be with you in a second, he's making the last touches to what we talked about.” He winks at Jisung.

But Felix stiffens up. Even with his magic growing weaker over the past three months, he can feel it in the air. Seonghwa is a faerie, too, and a powerful one at that. And, judging by the way he glances Felix's way every few seconds, he can feel that there's something wrong with his magic. 

Fuck. That's just his luck.

“I hate to break your conversation, but is there a toilet here somewhere?” Felix asks, trying his best to seem normal. Unaffected. His usual cheery self. It's clear that Seonghwa doesn't buy it, though, even if he doesn't really know Felix.

“Yeah, the door on the right at the end of the hall. You'll find it easily.” He also seems normal. Completely chill.

But Felix feels how the magic vibrates in the air. How its tendrils are reaching out, only finding blank space where his own should be. 

Today won't be as relaxing as he originally thought, then. He can already feel the intervention that he'll have to face.

He listened to Seonghwa's direction and found the toilet, wanting to wash his face. But, with his hands already wet and ready, he stops. He can't wash it. It would destroy his make-up and then the dark circles under his eyes and pale skin would be in plain sight. He can't let that happen.

Sighing, Felix simply washes his hands and rinses his mouth, doing his best to ignore how the water he spits out has a pink tint to it. It disappears down the drain. Out of sight, out of mind.

The faerie takes one last deep breath before putting his mask back on – Felix, the one that lights up every room he walks into, the sunshine. It's getting harder to pretend each day.

“...and then he started talking about you in such a different, sweeter tone and I just knew. Sometimes you simply feel it. Y'know?” Seonghwa was smiling at Jisung, who was nodding along to whatever they were talking about.

“Welcome back, Lix. They haven't stopped talking about how amazing of a boyfriend Minho is. And how his affection was always very visible.” Seungmin hisses and pockets his phone, pleadingly looking at the faerie. “Please interrupt them or I'm going to lose my mind.” His voice is in a whisper, showing that he doesn't want to be overheard.

It makes Felix laugh, at least. Genuinely. He matches Seungmin’s hushed tone when he speaks, though.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm on it. Why didn't you do it yourself, though?”

“Because Jisung will either 1) tell me off or 2) snitch on me to Minho, who will chase me around with a knife. Everyone likes you. I'm pretty sure nobody can physically get angry at you.” 

“Fair enough. And I'll…I guess I'll take the rest as a compliment.” Felix snickers. Then, he turns to face the two chattering at the counter. “Hey, Jisung, remember us? Your friends that are here with you today? Yeah? Stop talking about your “perfect boyfriend”, single lives matter!”

Jisung laughs, loud and beautiful. Felix realizes that he hasn't heard him laugh so happily in quite a long time.

“Alright, alright!” He paused, a mischievous grin on his face. Seungmin is the one who connects the dots first.

“Oh gods, please don't start–”

“Alright, alright, that's what I'm talking about! Now, everyone, give it up for the maid of honour, Angelica Schuyler!!”

“No, shut up. Jisung. I'm begging you. We are not doing this today. We already played that election song in the car, that's enough.”

The hybrid does shut up, but not without grumbling. “There's never enough Hamilton songs.”

“Seungmin, you have to agree that some of them are really good and worth listening to.” Felix joins in, trying his best to keep a neutral face. He wasn't doing a good job.

Seonghwa was listening to the banter, smiling. He kind of reminded Felix of a parent looking after their children on the playground. Or something similar, at the very least.

The other faerie checks his phone, nodding at Jisung. “Hongjoong texted me, you can go first, Jisung. It's the second door on the right in that hallway.”

“Yes!” Jisung pumps his fist in the air. “I'll be right back you two!” He sends Seungmin and Felix a flying kiss and skips to where Seonghwa pointed. 

“I still don't understand where he gets all that energy from.” Seungmin mutters, turning to Seonghwa. “Where's the toilet again?”

“End of the hall, door on the right.” Seungmin nods in thanks and walks away, leaving the two faeries alone.

Felix doesn't want to look at Seonghwa. He already knows what he'll find on his face, in his eyes. But…he can't dodge him forever – by the stories he’s heard from both Minho and Jisung, Seonghwa is stubborn and will find a way to be alone with Felix again. 

It's better to take care of the issue now.

Felix looks at Seonghwa. Both are silent. He gulps as the other faerie tilts his head in a question, one he doesn't have to say out loud. Felix nods. 

Silence again.

“They don't know, do they?” Seonghwa asks in a whisper and…there's no pity in his eyes, not like Felix expected there to be. There's only something…gentle. As if he was a cornered animal. Which, to be truthful, he probably was, in some way.

“No.” Another loud gulp. “They don't. Jisung would cancel everything and– I want to be there. For the wedding. If the date is moved…I won't get to see it.” He picks at his nail – a bad habit he's picked up again after years of not doing it. “Please don't tell them. They can't know.”

“Does nobody know? Is there anyone that can help you?” Seonghwa continues his questioning, still in that same, kind tone.

“Yeah. I've told two of my friends, but…Jisung can't know. Minho, too. They can't.”

“It's good that you're not keeping it completely to yourself. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But…I want to help. Right now. I can do something about the…lack of magic. I can lend you some of mine.” 

Now that was unexpected. “What? No, no. I…you…I can't ask you to do that! It's not in the best condition, that's true, but I'm not completely drained…”

“You're not asking, I'm offering, Felix. There's a difference. Let me do this one small thing?”

Small? Small!? Lending someone even a tiny amount of magic is anything but! It's nothing common, even in the middle ages it was a rare occurrence. Faeries lived in communities together, sure, but they never shared, they were hoarders. Well, correction, they are hoarders, just in a less extreme way now.

Exchanging stuff was normal, but to give something away – magic, most of all – without wanting anything in return…that was not. 

“Seonghwa…”

“Please. It'll help freshen you up – you want to be there for Jisung, right? Wouldn't it be nice to look the part?”

Oh he's good. Subtle emotional manipulation, something the faerie used to be the best at…and, even though Felix recognizes what the other faerie is doing, he has to admit that he has a point.

“....Alright. But really, not too much. I don't want to inconvenience you and I don't think my body could handle a huge amount of magic anyway…”

“Got it. Let's do it during the fitting? It won't look too suspicious that way.” Seonghwa had a smile on his face the entire conversation. A kind one. It almost made Felix feel safe, protected. Almost.

Before they can say anything else, Seungmin emerges from the hallway. “Can I ask where you bought the soap from? It smells really nice.” 

And that was the end of it. For the time being.

After both Seungmin and Jisung already had their fitting sessions done, only Felix was left. Which is why Seonghwa sent Hongjoong to the front for a bit, to talk to the other two and distract them. 

“Are you sure? I know you were to one to offer it in the first place, but if you changed your mind we can just ignore that the conversation ever happened–”

“Felix, please. I didn't change my mind.” Seonghwa had to reassure him for the tenth time that minute alone. “It'll be a small amount and it'll be quick. Trust me, okay? I've done this before. Just ask Hongjoong.”

“R–Really?”

“Yeah. He got the wisteria cold last year. He wasn't in the best condition and spent all his magic on trying to – you guessed it – heal himself. It took a lot out on him, so I had to step in and help. Not that I didn't want to do so before it got as bad! He is a very stubborn person and refused every time I offered. Until then, at least. Wait– now I'm just rambling. Let's get back on track. Are you ready?” 

Nope. He totally wasn't. But Seonghwa was so persistent and Felix kind of felt like he had no choice.

“Y–yeah. I'm ready.”

Seonghwa smiled – again, could he just stop?? – and closed his eyes. Felix did the same after a minute or two. And soon enough, he felt it. Tendrils of power, softly reaching out to him and warming his cold body. Taking a deep breath, he let his own magic loose…well, what was left of it. Seonghwa's magic was light pink, like Felix's hair, and wrapped around his golden one like a blanket.

Felix could feel how it got stronger – slowly, but it was working. He already felt better, more energized, as if he had gotten more than 10 hours of sleep. How unusual. 

“There you go,” Seonghwa muttered, “you already look a bit better.”

“Thank you so much, Seonghwa.” When Felix opened his eyes, he noticed that the other faerie was slightly paler than before, but he didn't sway on his feet, wasn't sweating, he looked perfectly fine. Jeez, how powerful is his magic? “I…this really means a lot. I can't even say how much of my gratitude you deserve.”

“It's nothing, really.” Seonghwa swats the air. “We should get to the actual fitting part now, eh?”

And that was it. Felix felt better now.

Maybe he'll survive for even longer than everyone thought. A small bit of hope was now in his heart, which was a dangerous thing. 

A very dangerous thing.

•·—🏵️—·•

Four days later, on Sunday, they were all gathered in Minho's and Jisung's living room – again. It was their go–to hangout spot. Everyone was already comfortable in their places…well, almost everyone.

“What do you mean you can't make it? Huh? Your mom dropped by for a surprise visit? Oh…I get it, but still, it's a shame. Well then, we hope you'll make it next time, Hyune.” Minho put down his phone, sighing.

“Damn, he can't come? I thought there would be all of us…ugh. Doesn't matter, now let's get this party started!” Jisung jumped up, clapping happily.

Changbin slowly turned his head, eyebrows raised. “You call…watching the entirety of Hamilton in gacha life…a party?”

“Duh. What, do you want us to bring out the speakers, play music that makes your ears bleed and get so drunk we won't remember anything tomorrow and will only wallow in self pity because we'll all be way too hungover to do anything else?”

Silence.

“Yeah, that's what I thought. Plus, somebody took the time to make this, so we should watch it!”

Felix only laughed along. He's been informed of what they'll be doing beforehand – the others weren't as lucky. Seungmin looked like he'd rather jump out a window, Jeongin was a bit annoyed, Changbin was disappointed. Chan was the only one who was genuinely excited.

“I've wanted to see Hamilton for forever. Didn't expect it would be in this form but…I'll take it.”

Minho simply went with the flow, doing his best to keep Jisung relaxed and happy. Which the hybrid was, the chittering heard across the entire room was proof enough.

It was a shame that Hyunjin couldn't come, though.

With his friends banter and the beginning of Hamilton as the background noise, he let himself think. He hadn't done that in a long time – most thoughts tend to lead him into dark places which he spirals from, which leaves him in a state so vulnerable it takes around an hour (sometimes more, sometimes less) to get him to calm down. Jeongin could talk about that.

Back to the matters at hand. Hyunjin has been behaving…strangely lately. It wasn't anything alarming, but…Felix was getting worried.

The elf still came by, talking to him like nothing was wrong. The time he stays has been getting shorter though, little by little. As did how often he stopped by. The thing was, it was intentional. And Felix couldn't, for the love of the gods, figure out what happened for Hyunjin to start distancing himself so suddenly.

Had he done something wrong? Somehow crossed a line he had no idea existed? Said something that hurt Hyunjin's feelings? Maybe a combination of all those things? He truly had no clue. It was just weird. A mystery – one he hopefully solves or learns the answer to before the flowers decide to take his body underground forever. If not, then…he'll have enough time as a dark blob with all of the other victims of the curse. Yay.

No Hyunjin meant no moments where his chest doesn't feel as heavy, it meant more exhaustion, more and more bad things. Felix didn't like it at all. He got way too used to the elf's presence and now it was hard to be without him. Who would've thought that a friend could mean so much?

Wait…what if Hyunjin found out somehow? What if he knows about Felix's disease and decided their friendship wasn't worth the trouble? Felix looks at the ground for a moment, the horror slowly finding its way into his mind. What if, what if, what if…

His phone buzzes and, making sure nobody is paying attention to him at the moment, he checks who it is. 

Dr. Song:

Good afternoon,

Mr. Lee, I am sorry, but I need you to come in even earlier than we originally agreed on. Would it be okay to move the appointment to either Monday afternoon or Tuesday evening? Please let me know as soon as possible.

Dr. Song.

Oh. Well, he didn't mind going to the hospital on those days but…when a doctor moves a patient's appointment by themselves like this, it could mean something is wrong.

Felix really doesn't need to have even more things wrong with him.

Me:

Hello Dr. Song. I can make it on Tuesday morning. Can I ask why, though? Is something the matter?

Dr. Song:

Great, thank you, I'll move the appointment now.

And I don't mean to alarm you, however we found something that may help us understand your unique condition.

Me:

You've figured out something about the curse?

Dr. Song:

Indeed.

See you on Tuesday, Mr. Lee.

Me:

See you then, doctor.

All thoughts about Hyunjin aside…this was a more pressing matter.

He'll talk to Hyunjin later. They're friends, he'd surely tell Felix if he did anything wrong or bad, right? Yeah...definitely. Maybe.

Hopefully.

•·—🏵️—·•

Chapter Text

“What? Are– are you serious? You know for sure?”

“In your dream, the curse called itself “the burden that comes with loving,” correct? We looked through many records, encyclopedias and the like before we found out which curse went by that name. It doesn’t go by any other name, it wasn't quite as common. Witches were the main casters, but it also sometimes appeared in ancient faerie and elven trials – only with certain clans, though.”

That was…a lot of new information. Felix is 99.9% sure that he looks like a total idiot with the way he's staring at Dr. Song. “Trials? Have you found any information on how to break it, then? Surely someone must've survived those, no?”

Hope. He felt it again. He should squash it, ignore it, let go of it. But no, it always finds a way back, digging its claws into his heart. A heart that was getting more fragile with every false call. 

It can't be right, the one they've found. He can't hope there will be a sudden easy fix. It might just be a similar curse, not the exact one he has. Don't feel too much hope.

“Yes, they have. But nowhere I've seen do they explain exactly how, it's very vague. In every case, though, it's the cliche answer – love. The cursed person has to admit their feelings to the one they love in a certain time frame before the curse…well, works how it's supposed to. In one book, there was a mention of desires and secrets, but we don't know if that is also true.”

Felix's heart drops. Love. Love, love, love. Felix wasn't in love, how was he supposed to break the curse when he was missing the one crucial thing!?

“That sounds…way too simple, if I'm being honest.” He looks at his hands, rubbing his thumbs together. “Are– Are there any other types of it? Of the curse? Because I'm…I don't have feelings for anyone, how can I be cursed with this exact one if I'm missing the most important thing?” 

It isn't the same thing, it can't be. How foolish he was for those few seconds, thinking they could actually cure him. Haha.

Dr. Song puts the folder she was holding down, looking at it sadly before her gaze travels to Felix. “We don't know, Mr. Lee, but this is the closest thing we've got. I promise we'll do everything in our power to figure this out.” They're silent for a moment before she speaks again. “Now, what was originally your reason for moving the appointment? Please, be honest with me.”

Felix gulps – loudly, which only serves to make him blush from embarrassment. He can't even look at the other faerie as he speaks, so he stares in the general direction of the window. “The pills,” he whispers eventually, “they aren't working anymore. I need to take multiple if I want them to work, but it's getting worse. I don't want to take more than three at a time, but they're…they're just not working.”

Dr. Song hums. “I see…”

“I don't want to seem like– like I'm an addict, I'm not, the pills literally do not work like opiates pro anything. Still, I want to ask if there are any…stronger pills. Or if it's actually safe to take more at once of those I already have. Please, I…I can't make it through the day without a minimum of four fits.”

She only nodded again, deep in thought. “I'll be completely honest with you, Mr. Lee. I don't think there's anything stronger for me to give you – these pills you have are something we had left over from the times when hanahaki wasn't rare. We have more bottles, so I can give you those, but…there are no stronger variants.”

“And what– what about the “taking more at once” thing? Can I do that? Is it safe?”

“Since the pills aren't like usual medicine and don't work as opiates, I'm confident in my answer being yes. To me, it looks like your body – or the curse – built up a tolerance to a certain amount, so I'd actually advise you on taking more at once. Stay here, I'll go and fetch you more.”

Felix kept looking at his hands. He was glad that Dr. Song wasn't looking at him like he was the problem or with pity. It was…strangely refreshing, actually, to be treated normally by someone who knows.

Chan and Jeongin try, he's not saying they're not, but both of them are way too obvious sometimes. Like jumping in to help with a simple task, even in the presence of others. Or the constant staring. They are worried, he knows they are, but sometimes it feels like too much. Even though they aren't acting like helicopter parents.

Felix wouldn't survive if they acted like that.

He walked over to the window, looking at the sparrow that landed near a bush outside. It looked so tiny next to everything and yet. It was right there, alive and well. It would probably outlive Felix. Not that he knows a sparrow’s lifespan or how old the one he's watching is, but with how everything's going to shit the probability is high.

The sparrow jumped forward a few times, then took off and flew away again. How free that must be.

“Mr. Lee, here you go. Take two every morning and two every evening. It should help, you could start feeling better in around three days.” Dr. Song came back in, handing him a small plastic bag. “Now, I don't want to really rush you, but this appointment went overtime. But you should be careful–”

“Oh! You should've just said so, I could've waited elsewhere.” Felix smiles, but his grip on the bag is strong. “It wouldn't have been a problem for me to wait outside, for example. Well, I'll get going now–”

“Mr. Lee,” she takes his free hand to get his attention, “there’s a crowd outside. There are reporters. As far as I'm aware, they still don't know it's you, but they must've heard the patient with hanahaki will be here today somehow. Please, be careful.”

Chills ran down Felix's spine. Fuck. This was the first time something like this had happened. “I…I see. I'll be careful.” Is all he manages to say, his brain already making up a dozen different scenarios.

Dr. Song looks worried, but lets him go with a soft: “Have a good day.”

Slowly, Felix makes his way to the hospital’s exit. Stay calm, don't look weird, stay calm, don't panic. You have to stay calm. They can't notice. You don't look like they expect you to. They won't know it's you.

He repeats those words like a mantra, even as he steps outside and a few reporters start shouting at him. 

“Sir, do you know the person with hanahaki?”

“Hello, have you noticed anyone strange today?”

“Have you seen anyone matching the description we have?”

Fuck, there's so much. Some of the questions blend together as everyone speaks at the same time. Thankfully, someone else exits the hospital and the reporters zero in on them, so Felix has time to quietly slip away. 

If people somehow found out when his appointment is…then everything's getting even more complicated.

•·—🏵️—·•

The atmosphere was starting to get suffocating. Felix tried to control his breathing, he really tried, but he just couldn't. Not at that moment. Why? Why him? Everything would be easier if it wasn't today, if it wasn't him. Maybe, in another universe…

…Jisung isn't trying to convince him that a three-tiered cheesecake is something he absolutely needs at his wedding. Well, at least he doesn't have to check out the venue, Seungmin is in charge of that…okay, maybe the cake testing isn't too bad if he really thinks about it.

However, Jisung's whining is. 

“I'm being serious! Just imagine, Lix. A cheesecake like that…it would be heavenly.” He sighed dreamily as the two of them walked down the busy street, in the direction of the bakery where the cake taste testing was taking place.

And yet Felix already felt a headache coming on. He loves Jisung, of course he does. The hybrid's his best friend, someone he can rely on with – almost – everything. And it's because he loves him so much that he has to be as honest as possible in this. 

“Jisung, I know you love cheesecake. I'm pretty sure even your neighbours know. But not everybody likes– well, loves it as much as you do. Like Seungmin, for example, he doesn't hate it but it's not his absolute favourite. And you know you wouldn't hear the end of it if he does eat it. Now, I know you want a cheesecake there but…maybe you should choose something else?” He tries to be gentle about it, but still it doesn't save him from The Pout™. 

“But…just imagine…”

“Nope. I'm done imagining it right now. We can work on a compromise later, let's just get to the bakery now…”

“Fine…but we're definitely circling back to this later!” Jisung walks ahead, trying to look angry, but Felix has known him for years. He can tell when his friend is being dramatic just because. 

The bakery – which also doubles as a café, based on the sign – looks nice from the outside – little tables and chairs, most of them occupied by old ladies who came to enjoy the treats and gossip.

The inside was even prettier. The walls were a soft purple, with one of them having a little flower field painted on it. Daisies, poppies, lavender…it was really nice.

If only it didn't remind Felix that he forgot to take extra pills that morning. He didn't really have time to, but he did manage to throw the container into his purse. So, when Jisung is distracted, he'll go to the toilet and take them. Nothing complicated. 

“Hello there, what can I get for you?” The person behind the counter – a hybrid, though Felix can't tell which kind – greets them with a smile. 

“Hello, we're here for the cake taste testing? I'm Han Jisung.” 

“Oh, right! I forgot which time you were supposed to get here. The cakes are ready, just come with me to the back…”

They do just that.

“We have all types ready. I, personally, recommend that you go from the one you like least to the one you like best. As for flavours, there's the classics: vanilla, chocolate, red velvet. We also have lemon, strawberry, raspberry and blueberry – though there's the option to combine the last three into a “forest fruits” cake, that is one of our most popular flavours.” The worker explains cheerfully. Felix can't help but smile, too. Seems like they're the “sunshine” in their own friend group. 

“And do you have cheesecake? Any flavour, really.”

“Indeed we do. Also one of the popular ones, though not really for weddings, if I'm being honest.” They open the door, letting Felix and Jisung into a small room. There's only one table, but it's enough to hold all the cakes the worker has just mentioned and a few others they haven't.

“Woah.” Jisung swallows, eyes practically turning into hearts. “This is definitely my favourite part of the planning.”

“I'm not surprised, your sweet tooth is bigger than mine and Jeongin's combined. Anyway, should we–?”

Before Felix even finishes the question, Jisung is already by the table, stuffing the first cake – vanilla, judging by the colour – into his mouth. It wasn't all that of a surprise, Felix pretty much expected it, so he simply walks over, trying not to laugh too loudly.

“You're unbelievable.” He shook his head, eyeing the next cake in line – chocolate.

“That's why you love me,” Jisung sends a wink his way before his attention shifts to the chocolate cake as well. “Want to try the vanilla, too? It's not bad, but definitely not my favourite. And you're here with me because I need a second opinion that's not Minho's.”

“Because he'd agree with anything you'd say?”

“Precisely. He's the love of my life, but…”

“Yeah, I get it. I'll try the cake.”

Just as Jisung said, it wasn't bad at all. It was good, but kind of…plain. And, because neither Jisung nor Minho were normal, there was no way they'd have a normal, unoriginal cake like this on their wedding. The faerie crossed it out in his mental list – one down, a lot more to go.

“I think…the choco feels too stuffy, if you get me. It's great, really, but…I don't think I'd manage more bites, my mouth feels sticky already.” Jisung swallows. “Plus, Changbin doesn't really like chocolate. I still don't understand how he's fine with dark chocolate but any other kind makes him gag…must be his demon side or something.”

Aka chocolate is out as well. Felix actually liked it, but it's not his wedding, is it? He's just here to help out, not dictate what Jisung should or shouldn't do.

Though he still doesn't like the idea of a three-tiered cheesecake. 

The next one they try is strawberry – which Felix really likes. Strawberries are one of his favourite fruits, after all. Jisung also hums in consideration while he munches on it, which Felix takes as a “possible cake candidate” and makes a mental note of it.

“Have you ever had a red velvet cake? Because I don't think I have.” Jisung narrows his eyes at the slice in front of them. “What if I'm allergic to something in it, have a reaction and just die on the spot?”

“Ji…you know what, I won't even respond to that.” Felix shakes his head, though his smile is fond. “Let’s just leave it for now and circle back to it once we're done with the others?”

The hybrid nods, cheeks puffed up. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”

Both of them rule out raspberry – the seeds from the fruit are annoying. And lemon? Apparently too sour for Jisung, even though it didn't really seem like that to Felix. Must be because of his tastebuds, after all hybrids have it a bit different than others.

Cheesecake, obviously, is Jisung's favourite and he manages to eat almost half of the slice before Felix even takes one single bite. And, for last, the red velvet cake which Jisung is still looking at with suspicion. 

“Lix, try it first please.” He takes a step closer to the table. “I'll decide whether I'll try it or not by your reaction.”

Felix just sighs and nods, already taking a piece. His head was starting to hurt, so did his throat – he had to get out soon or he'll have a fit and it'll ruin everything. 

He puts the cake in his mouth.

“Oh god,” he hums, “this is delicious. I'm not kidding, try it Ji. Trust me. Damn this is good.”

And it was. Jisung, even with his cheesecake bias, had to admit that the cake was really good. 

“I don't know what to choose…the strawberry, cheesecake and velvet all taste so good, I don't know what to do!” The hybrid whines, pacing the room they're in. The worker, who came back just when they finished, looks at him with amusement twinkling in their eyes.

“Is it that hard of a choice? I can leave and give you two some space to figure it out…” they say, not doing a great job at pretending that they aren't laughing.

Felix, finally deciding to end his friend's dilemma (which he could've done earlier but didn't, because it is kind of funny to see Jisung so agitated) calls him over. “Ji, I have an idea. I don't know if it's doable, but–”

“Are you going to say we need three separate cakes because I'm so indecisive?”

“What?? No. Well, it's close, but no.” The faerie chuckles. “You were talking about a three-tiered cake earlier, so what if each tier was a different flavour? The smallest one, the one at the top, could be cheesecake, the middle one red velvet and the biggest one strawberry. Or– or a different order, of course, that would be up to you.”

Jisung thinks it over for a minute or two. “Not a bad idea. Not at all. That could work wonderfully!”

The worker speaks up again. “That is something we can do, actually. It is a tad more expensive, but not by much, don't worry. Is that what you've decided?”

Felix looked at Jisung – he still looked a bit nervous. “Could we think it over for a bit? We'll phone you as soon as possible.”

Jisung grabs his hand, squeezing it in thanks. Another one of their things that they do.

“Ah, of course, that's not a problem. Anything else you need?”

Tickling in his throat. Ache in his chest. The too familiar need to cough, the need to get it all out even though it only goes by small parts. He can't be found out. He has to take his pills to postpone the coughing fit. “Yes, actually. Is there a toilet I can use?”

•·—🏵️—·•

It was 10PM, yet Felix wasn't asleep. Not because of the disease or nightmares this time, no. He had something completely different on his mind.

It's only a week until the wedding. The last day he'll allow himself to fully enjoy – it's clear to him that afterwards, he'll have to get used to a hospital bed. Time was running out and somehow, the faerie only now let the fact that he doesn't even have a full month left sink in. 

Which brings him to what he's doing right now.

He unlocks his phone again, reading through the messages. There has to be something, a clue that'll tell him why Hyunjin is avoiding him. Avoiding everyone, really. Or at least something that can jog his memory.

Hynjinnn:

You have tulips right??

Me:

Of course I do!

That's the same thing as me asking if you have paint

Hynjinnn:

Well you never know!

Shipments could be late, they doesn't have to be their season…y'know 

All those reasons why you may not have them at the moment

Me:

True true

Well then I guess I'll see you tomorrow?

Hynjinnn:

Yup yup

See youu Lix

And two days later, the incident with the lady that wanted carnations happened. After that…

Me:

Jin!

You coming by today?

Got a fresh shipment

Hynjinnn:

I'm so sorryyy Lix

I can'tt

I kind of forgot to work on minsung’s wedding stuff…so I have to work on that

Me:

That's completely fine!

See you soon (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

That's when the drier texting started.

Me:

Hey Jin!

Hynjinnn:

Hi, Lix

I can't make it today either

Got a new commission I need to work on

I'm really sorryy

Me:

Don't apologize! It's not your fault you have work

Good luck with the whole thing (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

Hynjinnn:

Thanks

Felix sighs, scrolling down to the newest texts. It's from yesterday, and again, Hyunjin's replies are simple. Dry. Just…standoffish. 

They weren't rude, not at all. Hyunjin was way too kind for that. But something must've happened, people don't change during a single day.

The question is why, though. And nobody found the answer to it yet.

Me:

Why are you igno_

Too blunt.

Me:

Did something happ_

Are you avoiding someo_

Are you oka_

No, none of those are right either. 

Felix groans, smashing the phone’s screen against the soft mattress. He just doesn't know what to do. What to say. Hyunjin might interpret his questioning differently than Felix means it, and that could only damage their friendship more.

He doesn't want that.

But maybe…he can postpone it until he knows what he should say. Yup. That makes sense and it'll totally be easier when he's ready. 

Yup. No doubt. 

Just as he plugs the charger into the phone and is actually ready to get into bed, a wave of dizziness crashes over him. Black spots appear in his vision and saliva fills his mouth, along with the too familiar taste of blood.

Fuck. He has to get to the bathroom. 

He stumbles through the hall, knees buckling probably every two seconds. He still tries to be careful to not wake up Jeongin, though. He doesn't have to see this.

The bathroom is closer and closer, but there's also more and more saliva in his mouth. Felix is pretty much ready to throw up in the middle of the hall. 

He manages to get to the bathroom, but he doesn't have enough strength left to get to the toilet. Sink it is.

Felix starts retching just as he grips the sink, as if his body knew it was safe to do so. Blood comes out first, as always – not as much as before, though, which was a good sign. It meant that the pills were working, at least a bit. 

That small flicker of happiness was distinguished as quickly as it came, though. Because when the blood was all out, then came the coughing. Felix felt like he was choking – there wasn't enough air, he was going to die. Oh god, he's going to drop on the floor and Jeongin will find him there in the morning–

The petals were out and he slowly took a much needed breath. It was easier to calm himself down from the panic with closed eyes, so he just stood there for a bit, breathing. Not too deeply, because it could trigger another fit.

Then, finally, he opened his eyes…only to wish he hadn't. 

No. Nonono.

He counted them again. And again. He rubbed his eyes, hoping it was a hallucination from the lack of oxygen. But no, it was still there. Unchanged. 

Felix choked on a sob.

Five. Five petals. 

He looked in the mirror. He was pale, hair a mess, lips bloody…he couldn't deny it much longer. He's tried so hard, hoping that the gods would listen to this one prayer, at least. But it seems like he lost their favour a long time ago.

He'll have to go through the wedding with stage four "knocking" on the door.

•·—🏵️—·•