Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Three pairs of footsteps echoed across the oddly hidden room, it wasn’t unusual for the player to take The $!$? Squad to ‘secret’ rooms, but this one seemed a little lackluster. It wasn’t particularly interesting, it just seemed like a room full of nothing except for… a blue closet?

They tilted their head to see a drawer that was slightly ajar, just beckoning them to open it.

(It’s a suspicious drawer… open it?)

Kris felt their hand reach for the handle like a puppet on a string.

[[❤️Yes         No ]]

As soon as they even touched the piece of furniture the doors burst open to reveal… -are you kidding?

-A pipis flying out toward the three of them. Kris ducked behind the closet while the other two stepped out of the way to create an opening, only for the pipis to fly short in front of them. Landing tenderly on the wooden brown floors.

Ralsei’s eyes widened, recognizing the object immediately upon seeing it, images of the fight with Spamton NEO flashing before his mind.

“H-Huh…? This is…” Ralsei muttered out before Susie perked up next to him, her hair standing up as she heard the buzz of Tenna’s TV fast approaching.

“Damn, Tenna’s coming! Split!” Despite the wording, all three of them ran into the direction back from where they came, hiding behind stage as Tenna slid over to where they once were, body skewed in shock.

“What the– how did THIS get out here!?” He exclaimed, clenching his teeth as he scrunched his body up.

The television host held his head in his hands as he felt his screen buzz nervously. “My secret…! No! Everyone… Everyone’s gonna know I…”

He reached out desperately, feeling all too weak and vulnerable at this moment, “It’s… It’s over…”

He feels himself fall just a touch more, hand on the ground to support him. “I’m at my limit… If only anyone was here for me…”

His head hung down in defeat, feeling a crushing weight of misery upon his back, muttering out softly. “I’d even take that little mailman…”

As if those words were an incantation of a spell…

(Suddenly, the [Dealmaker] came out of your inventory…!?)

The glasses flew off of Ralsei’s head and made their way toward Tenna, landing unceremoniously in front of the television host.

The Dealmaker flipped over to face the other, Spamton’s form fading in as if it were light from the rising sun.

“[Trash heap!]!!! YOU KEPT IT!!! YOU REALLY DO CARE!!!” Spamton yelled excitedly, his voice laced in static as per usual. He beamed, did Tenna really keep it? Were his shades deceiving him?

…

…

“Mr. Ant Tenna, a treat from me to you!” The salesman grinned wide, slicking back his neat black mullet, his face no longer behind glasses, his Addison eyes now fully exposed and readable.

The large television host uncovers his nonexistent eyes, mouth immediately morphing into an ‘O’ as he sees an object in front of him, a big, blue, ovular object.

“Now, now, now, what’s all this?!” He leans down, his posterior ungracefully sticking out as he caresses the odd object with his gloved hand as if it were a small little puppy dog.

Spamton rested a hand atop his as he held the object, looking up at the giant man with a genuine smile.

“Consider this a token of our partnership, the start of something new and exciting, the egg that’ll hatch and grow into something extraordinary…!”

Tenna feels the hand on his, body warming up as he slowly pulls the object out of the salesman’s loose grip.

The television host holds it carefully within his gloved hands, almost as if he were afraid of it falling and shattering from his grip.

“What is it… actually?” He tilted his head curiously akin to a kitten, pulling it closer to his face.

“Local farm fresh pipis straight from my…! You can fill in the rest.” The salesman smirked, the other just shrugged in response, it was probably just a bunch of nonsense salesmen speak.

“A mystery, I’ll take it! Y’know I always love a good teaser!” He chuckled, holding the little pipis against his chest, muttering to himself.

“A token of our partnership, huh? Guess it’s mighty important.”

Spamton grinned, walking beside the other. “You better keep it, or else…” His expression darkened before being immediately broken with laughter.

“HAHAHA! Now, you were going to show me around your studio, yes?” He held out his hand for Tenna to take, the other looking down softly at his little mitten.

“Ah, of course! Let’s get this show on the road, partner!” His hand slips into his, feeling that firm salesman grip as the two walk over to the backstage, completely unaware of what was in store for them.

…

…

“WHAT THE…!?” Tenna looked up in confusion, the disheveled garbage living salesman entering his line of sight.

He reeled back in shock, his body helplessly flailing around in fear of whatever that thing was in front of him. “HOW THE WHAT THE MAMA WHAT THE HECK THE MAMMA MAMA MIA MA WHAT THE WOAH WOH HEY HECK WHAT'S MAMMA-”

Tenna paused for a moment, back turned to the critter behind him as he held his hands together, taking a deep, deep breath…

“-HOW THE WHAT THE MAMA WHAT THE HECK THE MAMMA MAMA MIA MA WHAT THE WOAH WOH HEY HECK WHAT'S-”

“MAMMA-” He points over accusingly at Spamton, body reeled back, reminiscent of the Swatchlings the salesman used to work with when there were rodents in the café.

“What the HECK is THAT THING!?” His finger wags at him aggressively, body trembling uncontrollably at him.

“Some kind of RAT!? Some kind of CREATURE!?” Spamton’s expression hardened, his teeth clenching as he felt a pit form in his stomach. His smile almost completely fell at the other’s exclamations.

He’s heard them all before, those Darkners that would look at him in disgust while he clamoured for food. The Mansion workers that would look at him with pity and fear… how the Queen would look at him… how Swatch would…

“DON’T YOU RECOGNIZE…” Spamton stepped forward, speech strained in his throat as he looked up at the other that was covering his ‘ears.’

The television host immediately entered an offensive stance, arms held up ready to brawl. “STAY AWAY FROM HER, you FIEND!!!”

Tenna pulled out a spray bottle akin to an airhorn, pressing down on the button in hopes to get rid of the other but…

Click

Click

“...”

The two stared at each other awkwardly, the tension so thick around them that you could cut it with a knife. Something was most definitely wrong, Spamton felt it, a little shock as Tenna pressed his finger against the button, a quiet jingle that just indicated something wasn’t right.

“Well! That was AWKWARD!” Tenna chuckled, stepping back cautiously as he stared down Spamton like a frightened animal.

“WRAP IT UP, MIKE! You know I just HATE it when you pull stunts like this!” The television host grits his teeth, fist shaking.

Spamton spoke up, taking another step toward the host. “C’MON, PAL… DON’T YOU RECOGNIZE…”

“YOUR OLD [partner!] ”

“...!” The television host’s antenna’s sprung up in surprise, hearing his own voice come out of that wretched saleman’s mouth. He knows that word all too well, it made him feel sick.

“HAHA…! VERY FUNNY! Which episode did you get that sample from, huh?” The corners of his mouth wobbled.

“YOU KNOW WHERE IT’S FROM. IT WAS ALL [Backstage].” His grin grew wide and twisted as he approached the other in slow, menacing steps.

“Ah…” Tenna sighed, the world around him stopping.

“Ah, ah, ah...”

“You know I was JOKING, right…?” He pulled his collar nervously, feeling himself shrink down.

“THEN WHY…”

“WHY DID YOU KEEP HER?” He pointed at the pipis between them, his expression completely unreadable.

“MY [[Local farm fresh]].”

“...”

“Because…”

“Because…!”

He fell forward, on his knees as he shrunk down to Spamton’s height. “...It was a token of our partnership.”

Spamton paused in front of her, stopping dead in his tracks as he stood before Tenna’s pathetic display.

Look at him, so small.

So small. So [[nothing.]]

“HAHAHAHAHA!” Spamton laughed, laughed at what? He didn’t know, but he just laughed, he couldn’t take it, after all these years Tenna was still so funny.

“I didn’t tell any jokes…”

He pulled himself up, making ‘eye’ contact with Spamton. The eyewear he had on was… unsettling.

“They weren’t jokes.”

Spamton’s mouth slowly shut as he trailed off, only now recognizing the impact of those words.

He meant it. He kept it. He cared.

It was funny that he still did, that he still held on.

Because Spamton didn’t.

“HOW ABOUT…” The salesman takes a few more steps toward Tenna, until he is at arm's distance.

“WE… MAKE A [deal]? [[Just like old times!]]” He watched as the other’s screen grew more vibrant, as if life had returned to him once more.

“Really…?”

“OF. COURSE.”

Tenna shook frantically, emitting a sound akin to a rocket ship preparing for take off. “WOW! WOW! WOW! You hear that FOLKS?!”

The television host sprung back up to his original size, his joyful sponsor jingle now playing out of nowhere. “THE COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY! TWO STAR CROSSED PARTNERS CROSSING THE STARS ONCE AGAIN DESPITE IT ALL!!!”

He sways excitedly, pointing up into the infinite sky. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted!!! All the WILD PRIZES! All the HOT RIDES! All the 100 MILLIONS of viewers!”

“And most of all…” He inches toward Spamton before pointing dramatically.

“YOU!” Spotlights shone over the tiny businessman, his eyes behind his glasses squinting at the brightness.

“Say, will you take the final deal!?” Tenna extends his hand out, bending down in a rather unflattering fashion to make an attempt at matching the salesman’s height.

The television host suddenly reels back, looking down. “W-Well! This is all up to you- I won’t FORCE you.”

Spamton laughs at his uncharacteristic shyness, taking Tenna’s hand in both of his own. “I’M THE ONE WHO MAKES THE [deals] HERE, [[CRT]]!”

He shakes his hand firmly despite their height difference, almost taking Tenna off of his feet. “CONSIDER OUR CONTRACT [[Renewed until further notice]]!”

Tenna piped up, giving Spamton’s hand a firm squeeze. “Consider it ! ”

Something about that line almost made Spamton burst into uncontrollable laughter, but he couldn’t choke now however- he had to sell this! Make it seem… sincere.

“For [[your story]] MAYBE!” The salesman jokes, the punchline only really made sense to him.

Tenna tilted his head, expression growing sour ever so slightly. “Ha, ha. You’re far more optimistic than that, aren’t you?”

He looked on at the distance, tearing his attention away from Spamton for once. “I remember, how bright eyed you were, so, so, bright.”

“I’M NOT THE [[#1 Rated Salesman]] I USED TO BE.”

Tenna’s expression fell, feeling Spamton’s grip tighten.

“I’M BETTER.”

Spamton glanced back up at the other, his frown made him feel an odd mixture of feelings. He felt [Big], he felt [strong], but he also felt… [pain]. For whatever reason.

“[[Don’t be blue, we’re here for you.]]” Spamton almost audibly gagged at the voiceline he spat out, opting to gripping his pant leg tightly with his free hand.

“TO [New beginnings]?” Spamton squeezed the other’s hand curiously, honestly just desperate for this to go somewhere . No more reminiscing or sentimental mush, this was serious business here! Business that Spamton had an advantage in…

Tenna smirked, squeezing twice as tight, causing the other to twitch a little in pain. “To ”

The two walked out of the room, hand in unlovable hand as they made their exit, walking the path to nowhere.

It was funny, it was so funny.

That little [[CRT]] had no idea what was in store for him.

He didn’t know what was ahead like he did.

It was a deal doomed to fail… because he knew…

In the back of his mind, it was as if the words were permanently etched in there… waiting…

THE LORD OF SCREENS CLEAVED RED BY BLADE.

It was like an irremovable stain in the back of his mind.

He hoped.

He prayed.

And the prophecy spoke to him.

Angels whispering into his ear.

Giving him the very things he wanted.

For that damn [Boob tube] to pay.

To feel his hand in his.

To know that the last thing Tenna would touch would be him.

It made him laugh, laugh so hysterically.

Laugh so hard that it had to be kept inside, left to reverberate in his skull.

Their so-called “Lifelong Partnership” wouldn’t last very long.

And Spamton was okay with that.

Chapter Text

Footsteps echoed through the halls, the extravagant screens and red carpets coming into view as the two walked. Despite being gone for who knows how long , this place looked almost as it did when Spamton was here, still over the top, Tenna’s face plastered all over, what a self absorbed freak, couldn’t be Spamton.

To be honest he wasn’t entirely sure where they were going, from what he remembered Tenna was trying to look for the [Lightners] in some desperate attempt to get them to stay with him. He wasn’t sure what was going on with those [Signals] he was receiving. It almost reminded him of-

“HEY! What are you doing!? I told you to set up the next board!” Tenna shook his fist at a few Shadowmen showing off their socks to each other ahead, the aforementioned Darkners breaking out into an embarrassed blush and kicking their footwear off.

“🎵!”

“Yeah you! Go on, get!” He shoos them away as if they were pests, watching the Shadowmen tip their hat as they scampered off.

“NEW [boredom]?” Spamton questioned, craning his neck up to look up at Tenna.

“Oh, Spammy mailman- it’ll make you far from ” The sound of snoring played from his television as he said the last word.

“In fact, we’re gonna BOARD the . That’s right, Mr. Ant Tenna is going to do something he hasn’t done in YEARS!” He poses dramatically, pointing up into the sky as if he were on top of the world at this very moment.

Spamton scoffed, crossing his arms. “[[Oh yeah!!]]? WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE BESIDES THE SAME [reruns]?”

“That’s what I’m going to remedy by dear Mailman!” He pats Spamton on the back before springing onto the red carpet before him, grin wide, almost manic.

“Mr. Ant Tenna…” The lights shut off around the TV world, leaving only Tenna to be basked in stage lights. 

“Is making…” He reels back, readying for the grand reveal.

“ ” He poses dramatically once again before gripping the sides of his head, his screen flicking through various images rapidly.

The entire world around them had been glazed in static for just a moment, feeling cracks form in the Dark World as several pieces formed into something…. To form into… a bathroom?

Not just any bathroom, a comically large one.

Spamton looked down as he realised he was thrusted into a bathtub, looking up to see Tenna sitting at a table adorned with various cleaning products.

“[[What the scallop]]???”

Tenna grinned wildly, raising his arms up to the audience as his sponsor jingle plays once again.

“What better way to make something than with something ”

“The channel is back in business, baby!”

“I know, I know, we took it off air because of the products!”

“...And the… terrifying accidents…” Tenna shrinks a little, sides of his mouth wobbling as he twiddles his thumbs.

“But DO NOT FRET! We’ve made it bigger- We’ve made it better-” The television host returns to his usual size, pointing enthusiastically at his audience.

“We’ve made it ” A quick familiar melody played out of Tenna’s television which caused the salesman to shiver. Just the word alone flashed those memories into his head, disgusting attempts at control. Well he had his chance now, he wasn’t going to lose it again, he wasn’t going to be fooled by those strings-

“We even have the returning Infomercial Star…” The lights dim as a drum roll plays spotlights whirling around as they land on an empty space next to Tenna.

“TIMMY TAPEWASH!!!” 

The television host’s head turns to the space next to him, watching as a Shadowman rises from the table.

“Hold on- I’m getting word from my crew-”

The hat wearing Darkner whispers several saxophone notes into Tenna’s non-existent ear.

“🎶…”

Tenna clears his throat as he pulls up a cue card, reading it off as he pulls his collar. “Alright! Turns out Timmy Tapewash is dead.”

Music stops dead in its tracks at the last word spoken, an awkward cough coming out of the television host.

“...Well we have the SECOND best star I know to test out our NEWEST product!”

“” The sponsor tunes fire up once again as Tenna hovers over the bathtub Spamton is in.

Spamton laughs hysterically, peeking from over the tub. “OH, [Trash heap], YOU GRADE A [[Funny guy]]! NOBODY WATCHES [Infomercials] ANY M0RE!”

Tenna shrinks for a moment, voice becoming smaller with him. “Oh, but Spamton… I made it all for you…”

The salesman blinked, suddenly it was starting to become more clear. Now that he thinks about it, the infomercial channel was one of his favorites when he was working with Tenna. It was… pathetic almost! No matter what Tenna did it was always related to the past, it was always an attempt to get someone to stick with him. Spamton could see it now, he could see right through him-

“I made it all for you to get… ” The TV show host pointed over at the little business man, his fangs now more visible to the audience as he springs back up to his original size once again.

“EXCUSE ME.”

Tenna cackles, moving in closer to the salesman. “What? Did you think you can just go on TV looking like THAT?!”

He grits his teeth as if trying to hold back a look of disgust, “I can’t have you on camera looking like an unidentifiable RODENT!”

He pulls up a hose from behind the table of cleaning products, pointing the nozzle at the puppet man.

“So you’ll be participating on this channel’s ”

The bathtub Spamton is in jumps up as wheels appear underneath, and minecart tracks start form below and above the salesman.

“[[#$@!]]”

More bathtubs roll in on the other tracks, creating three rows of bathtubs driving past the mailman.

“HERE’S THE DEAL!” Tenna faced the audience, back turned to Spamton as he explained the Physical Challenge.

“Every infomercial product has to be tested for its efficiency!”

“Don’t you remember when Timmy would plow through any dirt on any surface imaginable?!”

“Don’t you remember when Timmy would saw boats in half?!”

“WHO THE [[#$@!]] IS TIMMY???”

“-Just to prove how his products were?!”

“So let’s put the products to the test, shall we?”

“I’ll be shooting the at our lovely volunteer Spamton-”

“He can press the Left and Right keys to move his bathtub cart-”

Spamton pipes up, waving his arms about, “WHY ARE YOU EXPLAINING THE [[Physical Challenge]] TO ME- TH3RE’S NO LIGHTnER’S IN [eyeshot]!”

Tenna leans in, putting a hand on his cheek as if he were whispering- despite talking in his usual boisterous voice.

“ (We can’t leave the viewers in the dark, my dear mailman, that’s bad business.) ”

He jumps up, pointing over at the tracks above Spamton. “He can press the Z key and a direction key to jump either up and down between tracks.”

“His goal is to get as LEAN and CLEAN as possible! When the cleanliness meter on the side fills up- EVERYONE WINS!”

“NO I D0 NOT WIN-” Spamton tries to speak up, only to get interrupted once again.

“-And if it doesn’t fill… well… I think you’ll stink, and NO ONE wants that!”

Tenna readies up the hose, pointing it directly at Spamton in the tub. “Did ya get all that?”

“NO!!!” Spamton protested, but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

“GOOD!”

“Let me hear you say it folks!”

He points to the audience, hose in hand as he takes a deep breath.

“”

He hops over in front of the audience, back turned as he directs his hose and charges up a shot directly at Spamton.

“[[Jinkies!]]”

Spamton drove his bathtub cart out of the line of fire, watching as a high velocity shot of soapy water just barely grazed him.

Tenna charges up again, shooting out more rays of soap water, Spamton narrowly dodging each and every shot.

The television show host pointed at his watch for a moment, mouth morphed into a big ‘O’. 

“Well would you look at the time? It’s time!”

Spamton perks up at those words, turning his head a moment only to realise the aforementioned ‘Big Shot’ of water was heading straight for him.

“[Yikes!!]” He drops his bathtub down onto the track below, escaping the gush of water by the skin of his teeth.

He watched as Tenna hosed down the entire row, huge droplets of the soap water dripping down, threatening to hit Spamton.

The tub screeches as he attempts to swerve past all the water droplet bullets, getting partially soaked in the process.

“BLEUGH!” He gags, feeling the water run down his clothes rather unpleasantly, seeing the bottom of the tub grow brown and murky.

A thermometer-esque meter appears beside the tracks labelled ‘cleanliness’, the meter fills up ever so slightly, the television host pointing and pogging in reaction.

“There you go! On the road to getting clean and pristine! Don’t you just feel refreshed?”

Spamton grumbles, shouting. “NO!!!!!!”

Tenna shoots the hose directly at Spamton in retaliation, the salesman garbling as the water sprays directly on his face.

“BLBLBLUBLUBL-” He holds the sides of his bathtub as it jumps up, leaving the track below and entering the one above, escaping the violent spurts of water for now. The meter goes up to about half way, Tenna’s non existent eye glinting with determination.

“Oh, no you don’t!” He charges up another beam of water as Spamton jumps up once again, entering the top track.

Water gushes out of the hose, Spamton narrowly avoids its blast as he drops down again, getting the hang of dodging Tenna’s attacks.

“How about we take it up a notch?”

Shadowmen hang from the ceiling off of ropes, holding bottles of detergent and soap.

“Clean! Clean! Clean!!! Get CLEAN!!!”

The bottles are tipped down, liquids trailing Spamton’s tub as he so desperately tries to avoid the possibility of getting soap in his eyes.

As soon as he thinks that a little sign appears in front of the camera saying: (Mr. Ant Tenna’s TV Time is not responsible for any injuries inflicted by our products.)

Tenna’s watch acts up again, playing a little familiar jingle to the salesman as the television host grips his hose tightly.

“It’s time for another ”

Spamton braces for impact as he catches the view of Tenna aiming for the top track, dropping down to the one below it to avoid the devastating shot.

Water lined the entire track as droplets fell down towards Spamton’s direction, before he had time to process them Tenna announced loudly:

“Make it a ”

Tenna sprayed the entirety of the middle row, leaving Spamton to be stuck at the bottom track, narrowly avoiding water droplets as he soon found there were no more safe spots. 

“What do you say, folks?”

“ or for SPAMTON G. SPAMTON?!”

Spamton yelled at the top of his lungs as he was cornered by cleaning products and water, this by far has to be the most agonizing game show Tenna has put him on. “LIIIIIIFE!!!!!”

The audience piped up, their shaded figures causing an uproar as they all shouted desynced: “BATH!”

The final Big Shot charged up, leaving Spamton completely defenceless to what was about to come.

Water splashed harshly against Spamton’s entire form, eliminating any grime that could’ve been on him into oblivion, as well as hurting like hell, not just hell- hell but twice , H E quadruple hockey sticks.

Everything grew white as the cleanliness meter completely shattered at how impossibly clean Spamton was becoming.

But it didn’t seem to matter now, because it felt like he was actually dying.

…

…

“Go on! Take a good look.”

Spamton walked toward the mirror, eyes practically glowing as he looked on at the pristine red suit he had on. He smoothed it out, gripping onto the lapels as he just… admired himself in the mirror.

Tenna piped up next to him, patting his head. “Pretty good, huh?”

The salesman smiled at his reflection, growing into his iconic winning smile on all his posters and adverts. The grin of that pathetic no good Addison was dead. Now he was something much, much better.

“Yeah…!”

He adjusted the little ‘TV’ pin on his suit, feeling the most professional he’s ever felt in his life… feeling the [[Biggest]] he’s ever felt in his life.

“Now you’re matching with the best, Big Shot!” Tenna stands in view of the mirror, his head cut off by how tall he was. Spamton’s eyes darted from his to Tenna’s outfits. It was a really good look on him, really.

The salesman nudges the television host, smirking. “What are we waiting for?! Let’s get to recording!”

“Oh you betcha!”

…

…

“And you’re POSITIVE she’s okay?!”

Spamton stirred as he heard odd rings in the air, Tenna’s voice slowly fading into his ears.

“Look, I’m a little preoccupied right now! Just make sure she doesn’t wake up while I deal with this.”

The salesman sits up, watching as Tenna was seemingly talking to no one.

“[[Kill your TV]]?”

The television host jumps up in surprise as the ringing immediately stops. “AH! Spam! You’re already awake! Thank the angels above!”

He steadies himself, inching toward the salesman. “Look, I won’t lie.”

He inches closer. “And I never lie.”

Tenna gets up close to the other as he trembles. “I remembered why we took the infomercial channel off air-”

He zooms away, shaking his fist at the sky. “CURSE YOU TIMMY! Thank GOODNESS you’re 6 feet under!”

“Just look at what you did to my good ol’ pal!!”

Spamton’s eye twitches at that, standing up as he points at Tenna accusingly. “WHAT HE DID?!”

“[[You]] DID THAT TO [Me]!!!” His entire head grows red in anger, Tenna taking a few steps back as steam starts to vent out of Spamton’s teeth.

“C’mon, I did you a favor!”

Spamton grit his teeth, “YOU…” He trails off as he notices his reflection on Tenna’s screen, noticing he’s wearing the same old red suit from all those years ago.

Tenna stares at his face as it slowly falls, anger slowly draining from his face as it just leaves… emptiness. The lenses of Spamton’s glasses glazed over with static, it felt like his face had completely lost color.

“...Would you look at that? You’re… matching with the best, Big Shot…” Tenna muttered out, laughing nervously to himself.

Like a switch Spamton’s glasses flicked back to normal, that wild unsettling smile gracing his face again as he laughed. “HAHAHAHA!!! I GUES5 I AM!”

The salesman stepped closer, watching as Tenna’s body relaxed despite his manic behavior. “[[Cathode Ray Tube]]! YOU [Sentimental fool]! YOU’VE KEPT THIS TOO?!”

“We had plenty of sets leftover, alright? What’s the point in throwing them away?” Tenna waves him off, his antenna’s squirming in an embarrassed manner.

“HAHA!!! Y’KNOW, MAYBE I [misjudged] YOU.”

He turns his back on him, chuckling to himself. “YOU’VE PROVED YOURSELF TO BE A GR8 [[Business Partner]].”

“Oh, Spamton… I’m always-” He sprung up, the antennas on his head straightening as sparks flew off of his head.

Ring…

Ring…

Tenna grit his teeth as he turned away from the other. “Hold on- I’ve got a call to take-”

Spamton stilled at the wording, head snapping to look over in Tenna’s direction.

Ring…

“What is it now?!”

He started shaking violently, as a voice seemingly spoke to him, his fist clenching so hard his knuckles were starting to hurt.

“THE LIGHTNERS ARE ALMOST THERE?! YOU’RE SERIOUS???”

Tenna gripped his antenna tightly, static emitting from his TV.

“I forgot!! I totally- WAY OVER MY HEAD!!!”

He faces Spamton, discomfort etched into his screen. “I’m sorry, Spammy- I’ve gotta-”

Spamton trots toward him, jumping up to pull him down by the tie.

“...!”

The salesman looks him dead in the eye. “YOU… YOU”RE GOING TO FACE THE LIGHTnERs…AR3N’T YOU…?”

Tenna looked at him, head full of confusion and swirling thoughts. “Yes…?”

“HAHAHAHAHA!!! LIKE TH4T?”

Spamton took his hand in his, kneeling down on one knee. “Y0U HAVE TO BE… YOU H4VE TO BE [Stronger].”

The salesman reached into his pocket, feeling something sharp pierce his palm. The [[Lightners]] hadn’t done what he had hoped for. They didn’t follow the prophecy to a T, but… maybe he could take advantage of this, try to spin things into his favor. It seemed nothing was going as it should now, so maybe… just maybe…

He didn’t need this [[Key]] anymore. He missed his opportunity to see the [Angel].

Why not… make a new one?

Spamton slipped the Ring of Thorns into Tenna’s hand, keeping it safe in his palm.

“CONSIDER THIS… MY [[Charity]].”

Tenna clenched his hand, feeling the spines poke his gloves. “Spamton…”

“Is this a…”

“...proposal…?” He tilted his head up at the salesman, his television sparkling.

The salesman leans in closer, grinning. “N0T JUST ANY PROPOSAL…!”

“A [[Business]] PROPOSAL!!!”

Spamton closed Tenna’s hand tighter, the ring inflicting a painful sting into his palm.

The TV show host winces, tilting his head. “It’s a little… sharp.”

“IT’S ALL PART 0F THE [[Business]]!”

“TRUST ME. YOU’LL [Thank] ME.”

Chapter Text

The three heroes stepped carefully toward where the dark fountain was held.

The colorful pristine lights glimmering before their eyes, despite their surroundings being shrouded in darkness.

Susie crossed her arms, looking at the sights in front of her. “...”

It wasn’t anything she hasn’t seen before, she’s watched Kris seal every fountain together until now.

She can’t help but have something lingering in the back of her mind… or rather… some one .

“...I feel bad about leaving Tenna behind.”

The monster sighed, scratching the back of her head. “I know he was keeping all this from us but I can’t help but think…”

“Something was going on with him.”

Ralsei stepped toward the pink monster, patting her back in a comforting manner. “I can’t shake the feeling too… that… something was wrong.”

“This whole adventure felt odd, didn’t it?” The goat Darkner shot her a nervous smile.

Susie huffed, turning her head. “I guess, yeah.”

“It was nice though, right? All the fun and games. To be honest… you seemed to be really enjoying yourself.” She turned over to face Ralsei, waiting for a response.

Ralsei’s face grew warm as he stammered. “R-really…?”

“Yeah, really.” She gave him a playful punch on the shoulder, smiling genuinely.

“Haha, I suppose you’re right.”

“I… can tell where Tenna was coming from. If we didn’t have the dark fountains to seal…”

“Part of me would want to play games with you guys for a long… long time.”

Susie pat Ralsei on the shoulder, raising a brow. “When we get back to Castle Town… we can figure something out, I promise.”

All Ralsei could do was stuff his face in his scarf, feeling warmth invade his face.

“We’ve stalled long enough…”

“...Kris? C’mon, do your thing.”

The human lightner took a hesitant step toward the fountain, pausing in front of it for a moment.

“What are you waiting for, dumbass?!” Susie yelled playfully. However, she took notice of Kris’ expression, seeing now that they seemed… hesitant…

“...” She looked down, balling her fists for a moment before relaxing.

“Look, I know we don’t know where Tenna is right now…”

“But we can figure that all out, okay?”

Kris nervously fiddled with their hands as they stalled, whatever was going on just felt… incorrect. Right now, they couldn’t care less about Tenna, well- that was a lie, part of them did care but there were more pressing matters like…

Where was…

(It was as if your very SOUL was glowing…)

Kris felt the SOUL warm up in their chest, rising to the surface to seal the dark fountain… before-

“NOT!!!”

A large silhouette fell in front of the trio, pushing them away from the fountain, a rush of cold wind causing the others to shiver.

Tenna’s figure fades into view, screen laced with static.

“At least let me say…”

“At least let me say: ” His screen fired up, his smile wide and strained as he stared the heroes down.

“Thanks to you playing my games, I’ve felt more alive now than I have in the past few years!” The television host’s outfit morphs into a black suit and bowtie, adorned with a white and purple carny hat. He danced, cane in hand in front of them, trying to keep up his desperate attempts of entertainment.

“Our stage, our screen, our world! It was all ours to enjoy!”

“So why…” He tilted his head down, screen pitch black for just a few moments.

“Why do you want to stop PLAYING?!” The television host’s fangs sprouted out as he felt his circuits heating up in anger.

“There are still so many GAMES to play!! So many SHOWS to watch!!”

He steps closer to them, his suit reverting to normal as he reaches desperately toward them. 

“Laughs and SCREAMS!! Smiles and TEARS!!”

He stepped even closer to them, movements frantic as words continued to spill uncontrollably from his mouth. “Just wander back to your seats and we can…”

Susie pulled out her axe, striking it in front of Tenna as he swiftly moved out of the way, his antennae standing up in fear as the girl snarled.

“Enough of your dumb games!!”

The axe trembled in her grasp, she was trying to hold back… really, she didn’t want to hurt Tenna.

“Why the hell do you want us to play so bad anyway!?” At those words, Tenna’s screen went blank, his head drooping down as he felt memories bubble up to the surface.

“Kris.”

“Kris knows why.”

“Do you remember it, Kris?”

“When everyone came over for the holidays?” The TV show host raised up his screen, revealing endless amounts of static as he reminisced, voice trembling with misery as he spoke.

“Back when I was just a little old TV.”

“Everyone used to gather around my glow to watch the specials, Smiling. Laughing. Eating butterscotch pie.” He could feel it now, their smiles, their laughs, the smell of delicious butterscotch pie… he would stare down their happy faces, their engaged eyes…

“Wasn't that just so much... fun? To watch me.”

“I... was so happy.”

“Then... People stopped coming.”

“Everyone disappeared... one by one…”

“No one wanted to watch TV anymore.”

“No one wanted to play games anymore.”

“I've been all alone…” Tenna felt the memory fade around him, the warm welcoming memory reducing to blackness and cold…

“Until now. When the KNIGHT appeared…”

“The ROARING KNIGHT.”

“And I was told that if I keep you three busy, I can have ALL the people watch me that I want.”

…

“IS [that] WHAT THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?!”

Spamton appeared over Tenna’s head, shaking uncontrollably.

“Y0U WERE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE [[I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-]]!?”

Tenna reeled back at the sudden salesman's appearance, unaware of his presence up until now.

Ralsei spoke up, voice laced with confusion. “S-Spamton?”

“[[You call for me and I appear!]]” Spamton bowed mockingly before looking down at Tenna, gripping his antennae.

“LOOK, [[Cathal Ray Toby]]. YOU TH1NK YOU CAN JUST [Take this!]?”

“Y0U HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO. NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO [Keep playing!].”

“[[Big Money! I LOVE IT!]]”

Tenna’s stance relaxed as he stared at the heroes in front of him…

“You’re… RIGHT!” Tenna sprung up, his TV glow brighter than ever, so bright it almost [burned].

“I. GET IT!! I REALLY get it!!” He grits his teeth, moving in closer to the heroes, body shaking in complete hysteria.

“Talking!! I've been doing too much... TALKING!!”

“NO MORE questions!! What you need…”

“Is another ” He points to the heroes, grin wide and manic.

A little voice in the back of Spamton’s head screamed, the last thing he needed was another one of… whatever that BATH was. He couldn’t back down now, however- not when everything was going… not as planned.

“YES. YOU [[Understand]]!!!”

“LET’S PLAY. [Again].”

“AND [Again]. AND [Again]. JUST LIKE YOU WANTED!” His smile grows twisted as he grips Tenna’s antennae harder, as if holding the lead of a horse.

“C’M0N, SAY IT WITH ME [Partner!] YOU KNOW YOU WANT 2!”

Tenna cleared his throat as the two of them pointed to the sky. Shouting in unison, so loud for the whole world to hear:

“ [[IT’S… TV!! TIIIIIIME!]] ”

All five of them are dragged into a battle, the stage reappearing behind them as the fountain plows through the board, the points counter now embedded within the dark itself (is that even possible?).

“The hell? Spamton? I thought you were supposed to be on our side!” Susie spoke up, tilting her head in confusion as she readjusted her grip on her axe.

The salesman perked up, a laugh ripping through him. “OH RIGHT!”

“0UR DEAL! HOW COULD I [Forgor]!”

Spamton slid off of Tenna’s head, disappearing off frame with a slide whistle sound effect accompanying the action.

Tenna did a double take, looking behind himself confused.

“WHAT?! What do you think you’re doing, Spammy?”

Spamton somehow found himself on the other side of the field, transforming back into his Dealmaker form and nesting himself atop Susie’s head.

(The Dealmaker is back in your inventory!?)

The pink Lightner sputtered in confusion, scratching the top of her head, “Wh- Why do I get you?!”

“SPAMMY! Don’t tell me you’re leaving too!?” Tenna yelled out, pointing accusingly at the heroes.

“After EVERYTHING?”

“After our fun and games…”

“Our smiles and laughs together…?”

“Our… token of partnership!?”

Tenna trembled, smoke emitting from his TV.

“Hahaha!! FINE! I don’t need YOU! I don’t need the weather! I don’t need e-mail! I don’t NEED Mike!”

“Mike…” He pauses for a moment at the name, before immediately flicking back to normal like a light switch.

“Y’KNOW…? I was RIGHT to hate you!!!”

“After all these years you’re still my worst hater!!!”

Kris took an awkward step back, a bead of sweat dripping down their face.

Tenna immediately takes notice, shaking his hands dismissively in worry. “Oh, Kris- I should know better than to have a dispute in front of you…”

“Let’s take our argument to…”

“...The ”

He grips the sides of his head, the channel flicking to the movie channel as the world seems to reshape itself in a matter of seconds.

Susie hangs off the ceiling, dressed in the iconic Susiezilla onesie. Kris and Ralsei scramble behind the stage to keep her steady as she takes a glance behind herself.

Instead of protecting that weird golden Tenna statue, it was replaced with an even weirder paper mache recreation of Spamton’s head, or at least she thought it was Spamton… after everything that's happening right at this moment, there was no doubt about it.

Several Tennas started swarming toward the Spamton head, locked in and ready to destroy.

Susie’s rope was swung over like someone shaking an unwanted puppet, swerving in front of the Tennas to protect the salesman behind her.

“WHAT IN [[Sam Hill]] IS THIS?!”

The glasses hopped upon Susie’s head in astonishment, at times, it almost felt like the glasses tugged at her hair. “[[Kill him]]!!! [[Kill him]]!!! [[Kill him]] HARDER!!!”

“G-geez! I’ve got it-” Susie spun around, whacking each Tenna away from the Spamton-like paper mache. Just how much time did Tenna have on his hands to make this…?

Static filled the room again, the world flicking back to its usual channel, everyone returning to where they were. Susie shook her head, the sudden channel switch proving itself to be disorienting.

The leader of the heroes instructs the rest of the $!$? Squad to defend while they point their finger over at Tenna to check him.

“How was THAT for a display, huh? How was THAT, Mr. E-mail?!”

The glasses seem to giggle in response, jumping from Susie’s head to Kris’, making itself comfortable atop their noggin, much to the confusion of everyone on the field.

“THE [Tragic Businessmen] THAT [Died] AT THE [Now] OF THE [Story].” Spamton analysed, eliciting an awkward cough from Kris.

Tenna tilted his head, scowling at the pink and yellow shades.

“HA! WE’VE GOT AN ALL-STAR CAST! Alongside my favorite little VERMIN!!!” He says the last word through gritted teeth, clenching his fists as he sends out multiple laughing stars at the heroes.

Kris’ puppeted body swiftly avoids all the oncoming projectiles, covering their ears to shield themselves from the attack’s unsettling laughs. Tenna had no right to be so creepy .

The human suddenly felt their body reel back as a pipis suddenly flew in between them, the egg shattering into multiple deadly pieces.

Tenna piped up in confusion, one of the shards of pipis hitting him square in the head. “What?! Was that-”

“Hey! NONE of that on set!” The television host stomps the ground in anger, as he finishes up his attack, looking up at the glasses upon Kris’ head.

‘Kris’ instructs Susie to eat TV slop while they and Ralsei play a minigame using the TP they gathered from the previous attack.

The Dealmaker hopped once again, the salesman’s grating voice coming from within. “OH C’M0n! DON’T ACT LIKE I DOn’T KN0W WHAT YOU [[Use them for.]]”

Tenna pulls his collar nervously, clearing his throat as he faces the audience. “Did anyone hear that? That was WEIRD wasn’t it?”

“IT WAS NOT [the wind]! DON’T IGN0RE-”

Static filled the world around as the channel changed once again, bringing the lot into the wild west.

The $!$? Squad + Spamton trembled as they watched Tenna cock his gun, shooting the piece of eyewear a dirty look before firing.

The heroes ducked and weaved around each opening, just barely missing Tenna’s bullets before the channel changed once again, leaving them on the usual battlefield.

Spamton croaks out, coughing as if he were the one dodging all of those bullets. “YOU… I KN0W WHAT YOU’VE DONE.”

Tenna shook his head, covering his ‘ears’, “Lalalala-! Oooh! Y’hear that? I hear a SONG coming on!”

“GRINDING MY [[Pipis]], PUTTING THEM IN YOUr [slop]!”

As those words reached Susie’s ears she perked up, sticking her tongue out in disgust as she thought about more what could’ve been in that TV slop.

The human raised their hand, commanding everyone else to play along with Tenna’s minigame.

The world shifted around them as they were thrust on stage, dressed in their gaudy rockstar attire. Kris’ fingers glided across the strings as they played along to Tenna’s theme. The stage lights burned brightly as Tenna watched their performance from the distance, clenching his fist.

Why were THESE guys better than HIM, huh? What made them BETTER, huh???

Why did HE choose THEM over his FAVORITE TV show host?!

Once again they all returned back to their places, watching as Tenna’s screen grew redder and redder in anger.

“You can’t be saying that to the audience!!! They can’t know I… know I…”

He punches the side of his head, trying to keep his head in the game as he sends several stars hurtling toward the heroes.

Their back and forth continued, multiple channels were switched on, many games were played, all the while both Spamton and Tenna’s bickering filled the air, almost drowning out the music completely.

Points started to slowly accumulate as attacks grazed the SOUL and TV slop was shovelled into mouths (despite knowing one of the ingredients now).

Tenna turned toward the screen, seeing the number value reach over 1000 so fast, “ALRIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT! TIME FOR THE GRAND FINALE!”

The three defended as Spamton’s glasses seemed to slip off of Kris’ head.

(The Dealmaker fell deeper into your inventory?!)

They looked side to side in confusion before perking up at the sound of Tenna’s voice.

“That’s it! It’s time for the FINAL EPISODE!”

“What will happen when our HEROES… when they REALIZE this show is NEVER gonna END!?”

He cackles as he grips the side of his head, static invading everyone’s vision as they flashed through multiple minigames, costumes frequently switching as they could barely wrap their heads around what was going on. They mindlessly shot at any screen, dodged any oncoming bullets, strumming the strings of a guitar, jumping out of the way of fire-

Eventually the channels came to a stop, the three pointing their fingers at Tenna, shooting their [Heart Shaped Objects] at the television.

The TV show host clapped at the heroes, shooting several stars in their direction only for them to be blasted out of existence. He continued to jump and clap, but no amount of applause could’ve stopped Lightner’s attack.

Tenna shrunk back, their bullets too strong even for him! He shrunk back further and further, feeling a sting in his hand, looking down at the ring Spamton had gifted him.

This… ‘Business Proposal.’

He didn’t need it!

If Spamton left him so fast why should he hold onto it?!

And yet…

It was like it was clinging, holding on.

Thorns embedded into his hand…

“N... no...! No no... “

“Noooooooo…” Tenna shrunk down, head down turned, facing the ground.

“I... I just wanted to be watched…” He stammered out, feeling his body shake.

“I just wanted you to look at me…”

“One last time..”

“…” 

“Since... since a little while ago…” 

“All that I've been broadcasting, is the same reruns, over and over…”

“I... I don't have anything anyone wants to watch anymore…” 

“I'm irrelevant... I'm junk…”

“I don't wanna be thrown away…”

His head slightly turns up as he hears soft footsteps approach him, seeing that fluffy Darkner greet him with an oh so welcoming smile… it almost reminded him of… Asriel.

“Mr. Tenna... I... understand how you feel.” Ralsei felt a stage light shine on him as he spoke, looking down at Tenna’s small… almost pathetic form.

“To want to be... important. To be... useful.” His voice shook as he spoke, trying to pick out the correct words to say… it was difficult when he knew that…

“Perhaps... you might not be watched much anymore…”

“But... that doesn't make you a failure, Tenna!”

“You've brought smiles, light into Lightner's lives…”

“... to Kris's family and friends, for so long.”

“So, there's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“If... that ever comes to an end.”

“Darkners... all become obsolete eventually.”

“But we aren't "real", Tenna.”

“We shouldn't make Lightners worry about what happens to us.”

“It'd just... make them unhappy, wouldn't it?” Ralsei shut his mouth, taking a deep breath as he broke the unfortunate news, if he focused hard enough… he could feel Susie staring daggers behind him.

Tenna shrunk down further, his own voice shaking. “...”

“... m... maybe... you're right…”

“B... but... I…” His hands shake as he tries to articulate what he wants to say. He doesn’t want to believe it but maybe… maybe he was right. He clenched his fist tighter, feeling the ring dig into him more and more.

“Hey.” Susie stepped between the two of them, pushing Ralsei out of the way to give her input.

“You wanna know what I think?”

“Susie?” Tenna muttered out, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I think… You don't have to take being thrown away.”

“Lemme tell you.”

“I've never really been able to... make friends.”

“I was always... the scary girl. The bad kid.”

“The only times anyone ever got close to me... was as a joke.”

“And even if I did start to make a real friend…”

“... I'd always end up…”

“Moving away.”

“When I moved here, I thought it would be the same thing.”

“I felt like you.”

“I felt like a broken toy no one wanted.”

“…”

“Kris's mom saw me. Toriel.” Tenna’s head tilted up ever so slightly at the familiar name. It was hard to notice, but he grew a little bigger too.

“Saw me sitting on the bench in the graveyard, crying.”

“She asked me what was wrong, and… Told me everything was going to be okay.”

“Took me to the diner. Bought me a hot chocolate.”

“Talked to me. Told me I'd make friends.”

“That... gave me hope. Even just a little.”

“...”

“And recently. That hope's been growing.”

“Because... Now I have friends.”

“Real friends.”

“Friends I wanna keep.”

“Kris. Ralsei. Lancer... Toriel, too.”

“Even though I thought I was broken… I just needed to find the right people, y'know?”

“So… Don't worry, dude. Someone out there wants you. Promise.”

“Kris, you'll help me ask around town, right? Someone's gotta want a TV.” Susie shot him a hopeful look, smile shining brightly as if all the darkness had disappeared from the world for a moment.

“You... you'll help me!?” Tenna stammered out, his screen starting to fade back to life.

“SUSIE!!! You…”

The TV show host springs back up to his original size, a flower sprouting out of the end of his nose as he exclaims happily, “You're INCREDIBLE! You're AMAZING!! No... you're MARVELOUS!!”

“I feel electric!! I feel like a million bucks!!”

“This... this must be what HOPE feels like!!” He jitters in excitement as a hope meter beside him shakes along with him, overflowing with his barely contained joy.

“We're inventing a just for you!!!” He points over at Susie, smiling as wide as ever.

“But... you gotta give back Toriel.” She added, tapping her foot as he stared down Tenna’s hand.

“She's got people that need her, too.”

He raises his head, nodding eagerly. “I... I understand!”

“I know it's not what the KNIGHT wants, but…”

“Kris!! Susie!! Good contestants deserve a good prize!”

“This way-!!” He tried to shift around to lead the $!$? Squad over to their grand prize, however-

Tenna froze as he felt a slash behind his back, time slowing down as he felt his arms suddenly just… fall off. His screen flickered as he mustered up enough strength to look behind him, catching sight of the Roaring Knight’s emotionless mask staring back.

…And yet…

Tenna didn’t fall.

For whatever reason… he lived.

But dear God.

It hurt .

He huffed at the stinging pain before-

Tenna’s sped up sponsor jingle played happily as the technical difficulties screen was displayed.

[And now… a sword from our sponsor]

The Knight glides across the screen in confusion, chasing the three heroes with sword in hand as Tenna stands in the background, struggling to keep their armless body steady.

…

…

Spamton feels his glasses clatter to the ground as his body starts to form once again, the world becoming more clearer as he sees…

…Tenna?

As his vision starts to clear more and more he notices several people around him, one resembling a certain Lightner he knew. He heard a certain jingle ring out in his head, indicating something was so horribly off.

The salesman lifted himself off the floor, feeling the snow crunch from under his feet as he approached the crowd of Darkners, a trail of smoke emitting from the middle of the fray.

Then he gets a better view of the television host.

His screen displayed glitchy color bars that would occasionally turn to static. It flickered as if he were struggling to breathe, coughing and hacking like it was desperately trying to get air.

Tenna’s arms were completely blown off, sliced cleanly by a sharp blade.

He realises now, what had just happened.

He couldn’t help but laugh.

“HAHA! HEEHAHAHAEHEHA!!!” He tips his head back as he cackles uncontrollably, unable to stop the streams of laughter rolling out his mouth.

The Shadowmen and Pippins shoot the salesman confused and unsettled looks, before the pink axe wielding Lightner takes a step toward him.

“The hell are you laughing about?” She snarled at him, eyes staring daggers into his [Heart Shaped Object]

“IT’S JU5T SO [[Comedy]]!!!”

“HE HAD WH4T WAS [Coming!] TO HIM!”

Susie clenched her fists, taking more intimidating steps toward the salesman, despite her menacing display, that dirty salesman was not threatened in the slightest, feet planted into the ground.

“What’s your problem!?” Susie questioned, all she got in reply was a crazed laugh.

“EVEN WITH MY [[Press F1 for]] HELP, HE STILL MET HIS [[Dirty, Dirty Demise]].”

“EVEN WITH MY GIFT.”

“[[Well, I tried!]].” Spamton shrugged, tilting his head just to stare at the [Angel] he failed to make.

The Lightner’s teeth grit so hard they hurt, trying to keep herself composed as it felt like this ‘vermin’ as the TV host called him was mocking Tenna.

“He survived the first blow, y’know?”

As Susie said that Spamton perked up, turning his attention to the Lightner for once.

“Whatever ‘help’ you gave him did something… but…”

“The Knight’s sword struck him down as he tried to buy us some time to save ourselves.” She looks down at the ground as she sighs. What Spamton gave him did change something, and yet, it just ended with the same result. Even with this divergence his action practically did NOTHING. At least… it made him feel [Big] for just a moment.

To see Tenna so moved… so mad at him.

It made him feel [Strong].

Like he had his little [Heart] on a [String].

“W0W! WHAT A FOOL! EHEHAHAHAHA!!!”

He laughed at it all, everything about Tenna was always so funny, he couldn’t get over it.

“IT’S ALL FOR [Naught] THE [[Rules]] CAN’T BE [Changed]!”

Suddenly he feels a hand pull him by the collar of his suit, his eyes meeting the Lightner’s piercing gaze.

“Like HELL I’m gonna give up on him!” She grips tighter, teeth bared at the small Darkner.

“You’re really pissing me off. I don’t know what’s up with you two…”

“-And I honestly couldn’t care less about what’s going on with you guys.”

“But you wanted to lend us your strength, right?!” She shook him by the collar, watching the light reflect off the ‘TV’ pin on Spamton’s suit.

“So hold up your end of the deal and help us fix him!” There it was, that buzzword that never failed to win Spamton over. ‘Deal.’ For a moment he felt clarity wash over him, looking over to really analyse Tenna’s form.

He looked completely helpless.

He couldn’t help but feel…

[Pity].

[Sorrow].

[Misery].

He’s seen it all before.

He knew it like the back of his puppet segmented hands.

The Lightner let go of his suit, his body dropping robotically onto the ground.

The salesman slowly ambled his way to the TV show host. For a moment the hues displayed on his screen felt like the only colors he could see.

Spamton kneeled down on Tenna’s chest, taking his head into his hands as he stared down each [[eye burning]] color on his screen.

He whispered, voice only reaching himself, falling on deaf ears.

“Your [Story] is over.”

“And yet...”

“You make me want to pick up the [Clapper] and keep [Filming].”

“Keep the [Ads] rolling.”

“Keep the [Show] running.”

“...”

“What’s wrong with you?”

Chapter Text

The television host turned the doorknob to Spamton’s room, well, it wasn’t supposed to be his room, but he practically made it his home after being the one and only person to ever get a Z rank on his show. It was where he could have some alone time after all the thousands of shoots he would have with Tenna.

The door creaked open as Tenna exclaimed, waving over at the little salesman within. “Spamton! If you don’t get your little self over here, you’re going to miss our next ad spot-”

Tenna’s mouth hung open as he witnessed Spamton hunched over the phone, it was the only addition he made to the room after claiming it as his own personal space. Funny, because the room was almost entirely empty besides the wall of posters featuring both him and Tenna, their smiles so bright they could pierce the skies and make it into…

Make it into…

“Y-You…! You SCOUNDREL!”

Tenna backed up as he heard Spamton yell at whoever was on the other end, he had never really seen the guy angry before, which made sense to a degree, didn’t want to look too scary on TV! He knew the feeling all too well, in ways he was just like him.

But right now, something seemed completely off.

“How’d you even get this number, huh?! I changed it so I wouldn’t have you lot begging me for spare change!”

“You don’t care about me anymore, why do you even bother calling me back!?”

“Pretending to be my benefactor like some con man- This is the LAST STRAW, we’re THROUGH!”

He slams the phone onto its handle with a violent ring, immediately slumping onto the floor, like a sad pathetic piece of wet trash.

The television host just looks on at him, debating on whether he should step forward or back, leave him alone or provide him comfort.

He’s seen this sight before, he’s known it all too well.

Choked sobs, settling curled up on the couch facing the television.

“C’mon, Kris. How about we watch some TV?”

That young monster’s voice rang through his mind, imagining his hands behind the child’s back. So many things had happened in that living room.

He wonders how different that monster’s voice is now…

“Hey, Spamton…?”

The salesman stilled at the sound of his name, heart stopping as he slowly turned to face the CRT.

He saw it, tears in his eyes, his once bright, hope filled eyes. The result of his misery staining his face as all the salesman could do was stare at the much taller man. If he were like him, he would probably shrink down to the size of a dust bunny and then some…

As soon as he thought that, he watched Tenna’s form shrink down to something less imposing, not matching his height but not as tall as he usually was on stage.

“I was just about to say…” The TV show host clicked his tongue, trying to think of what to say.

“...Just about to say you missed your ad spot.”

The salesman just sat there, almost unreactive to the news.

“B-but! It’s okay! I’ll ask my crew to reserve some more for you.” He takes a step forward, trying to be the least threatening he possibly could be.

He kneeled down, settling on his knees as he hesitantly reached out before retracting his hand, unsure if he’s allowed to touch.

“Why don’t we… take a break…”

“...And watch some TV…?”

…

…

Tenna felt his screen slowly crackle back to life, finding himself in a somewhat familiar place. It looked a lot like the Green Room… but he couldn’t help but feel like it had gotten… smaller.

There’s a slight sting in his shoulders as he lifts himself up ever so slightly, sitting up against the wall as he sees several blurry silhouettes start to clear.

“Aw, dude! It worked!” A big toothy smile grew on one of the silhouette’s faces, Tenna could recognise that grin from anywhere, one of his newest and most loveable contestants…

“S-Susie?!” He shook his head, his vision clearing more and more as the Lightner reached out, giving the other a helping hand.

The monster helped him up, grinning as she squeezed his glove. “I’m so glad you’re still here, Tenna! For a sec I thought you really…”

She trailed off, letting go of his hand to scratch the back of her head. The other two heroes stood with her, unsure of what to say. “Your crew told me how to fix you, me, the Shadowguys, Pippins, Zappers, the weather guys… and even Spamton chipped in to help.”

He felt a spark strike through his system as he heard the name. “ H-him?”

“Yeah, I know right? He was being real weird but he… strangely knew a lot about fixing your body.” Susie had a faint idea as to why, whatever that NEO stuff was when she had first met Spamton may have had something to do with it.

Tenna spoke up, his voice a little weak. “Where is he…?”

The door slammed open, Tenna and Spamton’s shared jingle ringing out as the little salesman made his way through. For a little guy he sure made a huge entrance.

“WHAT’S THE [[Status]] OF OUR [Static]-”

His eyes behind his glasses widened, words fully cut off as he just stared at the screen in front of him.

No way.

No way he was actually alive.

It was just a… joke .

His efforts were just a joke.

He didn’t think-

Didn’t think that was going to change…

That’s not what was supposed to happen!

Tenna immediately stood up at the sight of him, grinding his teeth. “I have MILLIONS of words to have with YOU, MR!”

He points at the salesman, clenching his fist. “Starting with a word for our ”

“NO! NONO NO N0 NO!!! NO!” The salesman twitched as he glitched out, the textures of his head slipping off before he practically crashed through the door, scampering as fast as he can like a little rodent.

“Spamton!” Tenna made the start to chase after him before he felt a clawed hand hold him back.

“Hold on, you just woke up- We can handle it from here.” Susie gripped his coattail, looking up at him in concern.

The prince spoke up, stepping forward. “We can take care of Spamton, we need him for our adventure, anyways.”

Kris just stared blankly at him, nowadays it was so hard to know what they were thinking, to know if they were actually enjoying themselves or not. They barely smiled during Tenna’s shows… It made him feel…

“No! No, no! It’s fine! I remember- you two have a cop to find, right?! Don’t waste time on filler, go look for them!”

Susie stilled, whipping her head over to look at Kris. “Oh shoot! Kris, he’s right. The Knight totally bailed with Undyne!”

“Since we blocked off the way to the shelter, she could be anywhere!” She grabs onto Kris, dragging them out of the room.

Ralsei reached out his hand, watching as the two of them rushed out the door.

The two Darkners stood awkwardly in Tenna’s room, being the only two there besides that oddly shaped lamp in the corner.

Tenna brushed off his suit preparing to search for Spamton before the prince piped up. “Sorry, by the way.”

His antennae shot up at his voice, smaller and quieter than usual. “Hm?”

“All the things I said.”

“I’m…” The goat Darkner nervously tugged on his cloak, feeling incredibly little at this moment.

“...Really glad you’re here Tenna.” He shoots him a kind yet tired look, the poor guy looked so exhausted .

The television returned a bright smile back at him, snapping his fingers. “I’m glad I’m here too! They can’t abandon the likes of me!”

A comfortable looking couch from Tenna’s Green Room slides into frame, whisking Ralsei away on it. “???”

“You look mighty tired, our dear prince! Why don’t you take an while I go this ?”

He chuckles to himself as he takes a few steps toward the door. “Oh, Tenna! That won’t be necessary-”

Before he could even finish his sentence the TV show host already bolted out the door, leaving a trail of TV shaped smoke behind him.

Ralsei blinked in confusion, slowly wriggling off the chair before a Shadowguy dressed in a cute maid outfit walks into the room with a glass of juice in hand, urging Ralsei to return to his seat. “Um…???”

…

…

“Sorry, Ralsei! But I’ve got important business to handle!”

Tenna ran out across the halls and down the castle. This whole place was just so… SMALL compared to him… maybe he should shrink down to match its height.

As he stumbled down the stairs, shrinking bit by bit with each step, he walked out the entry of the castle, now able to fit through without banging his head on the building.

Tenna looked left and right trying to find where that little creature thing could have gone.

He spied a little fella in red, black pants and white face- oh that had to be him!

He dashed toward the little Darkner as he caught sight of a moderately sized TV building, a few other Darkners were crowding around the entrance out to see what all the noise was all about.

The TV show host approached the little Darkner, clearing his throat as he prepared a spiel in his head. “Oh you! Don’t think you can run away now!”

The little guy’s head spun round and round before facing the giant man in front of him.

“A-ah?! What?! I-I’m sorry if this was about the contracts- that was all those Lightner’s faults!” Tenna’s antennae twitched as he realised it was just a boring ol’ Pippin- he swore- they looked so much alike from afar… maybe he really is getting old! Oh… Glasses wouldn’t look good on a washed up host like him!

“Oh apologies! I mistook you for someone else in red white and black with a short stature- Hold on… what was that about contracts?” He crossed his arms, tapping his foot like a disappointed parent waiting for their child to spill the beans.

“N-nothing…!”

The panicked Pippin paced in place before darting away into the building in panic, leaving the other residents of Castle Town to turn their heads in confusion.

“Wait-! I was just about to ask…!”

Tenna kneeled down on the floor pathetically, staring up at the other Darkners eyes watching him.

“W-What?! What are you all lookin’ at, huh?!” He yelled out, the others took that as their cue to also skedaddle, leaving trails of dust behind heading toward the building.

Only two were left behind, his right and left hand man and woman, Elniña and Laniño.

“Oh, my dearest dewdrop… do you see this horribly rainy display…?” The moon headed Darkner spoke up, a look of pity behind those shades of his.

“I do see it, my sweetest sunshine… a drizzle of despair drowning our…”

“Old friend…” They spoke at once, identical frowns etched on their faces as they looked down at the TV show host hunched over in front of them.

Tenna grew slightly bigger as he rose up, teeth slightly visible for any passerby to see. “I’M. NOT. OLD!”

He quickly covered his mouth, coughing to himself as he shrunk down to what he was before again. “A-ah, I mean…!”

“T-TV doesn’t get old , don’t be ridiculous now!” He stammered out, plastering a fake grin on his face as he adjusted his tie.

The two exchanged concerned looks, taking a few more steps closer to Tenna. The cloudy weather woman spoke, hands fiddling nervously with her pointer stick. “Boss… we’re your old friends because we were your first channel…”

“Not an insult to your age at all! …In fact we’re getting old too!” Laniño chuckled, resulting in an offended gasp from his partner.

“Y-you… you think my skies are getting old to look at, Laniño?!” She asked almost tearfully, frowning as the other shook his head frantically.

“But that’s the thing, Elniña! We’re growing old…”

“...Together…”

His partner’s eyes sparkled, her mouth getting wobbly at the sides. “...Oh! My bright sunny day!”

The other took Elniña’s hands, holding them gently. “My delightful rainy night…”

Tenna sat there as they acted all lovey dovey, clearing his throat to get their attention.

The two of them jump at the noise, both sneezing at the same time.

Laniño adjusted his glasses, smoothing out his hair. “Oh yes, right. We know that look anywhere, boss…”

The weather woman inched closer to the television host. “The dark… overcast expression…”

The weather man inched closer with her, “The sun… setting in your eyes…”

“Eyes?” Tenna quietly interjected.

The two both wailed in sync, glasses flying off to reveal their eyes swimming with tears. “It’s the look of HEARTBREAK!”

The two sob loudly, tears staining the ground before the two sneeze together once again… at this rate they were going to give everyone viruses.

Tenna immediately shot up in befuddlement, antennas completely standing on end. “ N-no???????”

“I just needed to find that dear old mailman! Pink and yellow glasses?”

“He owes me an apology and then some!”

The other two blink in astonishment, Laniño clearing his throat.

“O-oh.”

The two position their weather sticks to point at the café building as they slip their shades on as if they weren’t crying a river just moments ago.

“He went… that-a way…” The two said together, holding their pose and grinning all smug.

Tenna jumped up, tipping a hat he had pulled out of nowhere, kazotsky kicking his way over to the building. “Why thank you, old friends! I’ll see you later now!”

As their boss had made their exit and out of their view the two quickly collapsed on the ground, exhausted by their own tearful display.

The two crawled over to the TV building, hands together as the other pulled them further into the structure…

…

The television host squeezed through the door of the café, taking in the sights of all the Darkners singing and enjoying themselves together. Shadowguys and Tasques cut the rug near the tables as the robots and Tasque Manager provide the soundtrack for the place.

As Tenna looked around, he spotted a familiar someone at the front desk, immediately making his way to lean over on the counter.

“SWAAATCH! How’s my second favorite bartender hangin’?” He rested his elbow over the bar, other hand on his hip as he stared down the bird-like butler.

“Ah, Mr. Ant Tenna. I never thought I’d see your face again.” Swatch spoke calmly, their voice as smooth as butter. To be honest, it was difficult to tell if what they said was negative or not…

“I never thought I’d see my mug again either! Where ARE the mirrors in this place, anyways?! I have to make sure I’m ready for the camera!”

The butler slid over a beverage to the television with their wing, speaking nonchalantly. “A mug for your… mug.”

Tenna snickers before breaking into full blown laughter, smacking the desk as he cackles, eliciting a few confused looks from the others in the establishment.

He picks up the little glass, caressing his own face as he looks down at the coffee in the mug, his own reflection and light staring back. He smiled back at the reflection, but it almost looked like it stayed static, he took in how… tired he looked- most likely just a result from the repair…! He’ll be show ready in no time!

“While I appreciate your appreciation of my humorous comment, I urge you not to cause a disturbance lest we kick you out much like that rotten salesman.”

The TV show host perks up at those last two words, antennas shooting out subtle sparks. “Speaking of that man that I hate! You think I’d know where to find him?!”

“Still chasing after your old partner I see, I suppose some of us never change.” The butler muttered bitterly, he couldn’t tell if that bitterness was directed at Tenna or Spamton…

Tenna grimaced, as he tapped the table impatiently.

“We had kicked him out just moments before you had walked in. He was causing a ruckus, and needed to be dealt with efficiently. We do not know where he had headed, but if anyone were to know about Spamton, it would be his oldest coworkers.”

Tenna felt his fist clench around the desk, his antennas going jagged for a moment. “Th-THOSE guys…?”

“The Addisons, yes. They reside at the bottom right hand corner of Castle Town.”

Swatch raises a brow. “It sounds like you’re quite opinionated on them.”

The TV show host leans in closer, almost whispering. “Look, I’ve heard , okay…?”

Swatch’s eyes behind their glasses grew darker as they hunched over, whispering along with the TV show host. “Don’t believe everything he says, alright…?”

“He’s a crook.” Their voice was laced in malice, almost as if Tenna were to make one wrong move he would be hung from the ceiling at the mercy of the viewers watching.

Tenna gulped, laughing shakily. “Oh, Swatch. I’m WELL aware!”

“I’m looking for him to give him a piece of my mind!”

He stands up from his seat, taking the mug and pouring the coffee into his pocket before dropping the mug in too as if there was endless space inside his pants.

“Well… I should be off to see those…” Spamton’s voice echoed within his CRT, words choked out through grit teeth. Those traitors, those good-for-nothings, those fakers, those flakers, those haters, those… scoundrels…

“Those fellas.”

Swatch gave him a stern look. “You’ll have to pay for that.”

Tenna looks back down at his pocket, patting it as if there’s nothing there. “I’m in a rush-! So you can just put it on my tab! I’ve got POINTs to spare after all!!!”

He turns on his heel, ambling out before Swatch’s voice breaks through the music, heading right towards Tenna’s speakers.

“Before you go… hows… Ramb…?”

Tenna paused in front of the door frame, shoulders drooping at the name.

“Oh… Ramb.” He chuckles bitterly as he remembers the last thing he had said to him, yelling as the other quit his job, telling Tenna…

Telling Tenna…

“This isn’t what Kris would want.”

It made his chest burn with fury, what did HE know about Kris?! Was he there to comfort them? There to bring together their family?!

He hadn’t seen him in Castle Town…

There was a chance that he was forgettable enough to be…

…Left behind.

“He hasn’t seen you since you had that mohawk, Swatch!” He chuckles to himself, inching closer just to whisper at them.

“”

He cleared his throat before whispering again, “ (I also dig the catboy thing you’re doing now too. You don’t seem to miss, big guy.)”

The butler blushed in embarrassment and a bit of flattery(?), patting down the cat ears atop their head, to be honest they don’t know why they agreed to this.

They spoke quietly, disappointment very evident in their voice. “Then I have nothing further to discuss with you.”

With that, Tenna bit his lip and walked out of the establishment, mentally kicking a rock as he left.

…

The TV show host made a quick stop over toward the right of Castle Town, peeking his head over to observe the Darkner’s there.

He saw them.

Two long nosed Darkners, one blue and one pink, patting down a black mannequin, the face of the doll bearing a striking resemblance to that salesman he was looking for… Maybe all Addisons just had the same face- yeah.

Several ads surrounded their stand, flashing lights blinking behind the two.

As the television host approached the two, the pink one was the first to notice, eyes blowing open in shock as they tapped the other in desperation.

“Hm? What? New customer?” The blue Addison chuckled as they turned slowly to face the TV Darkner, face quickly matching the other as they stood there in silence.

The TV show host would return the expression if he had eyes. This was the first time he’d seen an allusive “Addison” in person. Spamton would rave on and on about these guys, and barely any of it was good.

They better live up to his stories, or else Spamton’s case wouldn’t look very good.

“Y-YOU?!” The blue Addison blurted out, his hands rushing to cover his mouth.

“H-Heeey. That’s no way t-to treat a customer.” The pink Addison speaks through clenched teeth, patting the other’s shoulder.

“What’s your business here… ‘Tenna?’” The pink Addison stared daggers at him as he spoke, something was very obviously off about them… they seemed to know who Tenna was.

…

…

Tenna walked around Spamton’s ‘unofficial room’, sprucing it up for the salesman to put his wares… So far the only thing he had put in was his rotary phone. He treated it like it was his child almost, it was as if it was the most important thing to him-

CRACK!

The TV show host winced as he felt something under his foot, moving his foot out of the way to reveal that he had stepped on a photo frame…

He bent down to pick it up, holding it tenderly in his hands as he saw it, Spamton, but not as he knew him. His hair was white, his clothes consisting of only a black V-neck and green pants. He was around other Darkners that looked just like him, save for a few different features.

He looked a lot more shy… small… more reserved than the boisterous man he knew. The crack originated from Spamton’s chest, each shattered piece separating the Darkners around him.

Oh God, he’ll be so upset when he finds out he-

Tenna whipped his head around as he heard something heavy shift next to him, holding the photo against his chest as he looked on to see…

Spamton, looking a little more disheveled than usual, foot drifting away from the closed manhole in the corner of the room.

“Tenna…! You little slime! Have you ever learned about knocking?” He laughed nervously as he opened up his arms, expression nervous as he looked up at the much taller man.

“Well excuse you, Big Shot! When I walked in here it was empty! How did you sneak in here?” The TV show host haphazardly tried to hide the photo frame behind him, unfortunately, it didn’t go unnoticed.

Spamton cleared his throat, tilting his head to look behind Tenna’s back. “More importantly, what are you hiding…?”

“N-nothing! Nada at all-!” Tenna jumped as the salesman swiftly snuck behind him, snatching the frame from his gloved mitts.

“Haha! We’re partners, pal! We’ve got nothing to…”

He paused as he looked down at the broken frame in his hands, light fading in his eyes as his grip tightened.

Before Tenna could scramble to make up an excuse, Spamton silently walked out of the room.

“...”

After what felt like a million years, despite being a few minutes… Spamton ambled back into the room, looking up at the TV Darkner in front of him.

He spoke, completely deadpan and devoid of emotion. “Make sure to tell one of your goons to empty the trash.”

Tenna nervously fidgeted with his antennas as he mumbled quietly, “A-ha…! Of course…!”

…

…

“I’m looking for an old friend of mine! A little birdie told me… he was an old friend of yours too!” Tenna adjusted his tie, trying to look presentable as the two salesmen looked at each other.

“We don’t talk about-” The blue Addison tried to speak before the other covered their mouth.

“We have no idea who you’re talking about!” They stammered out, the reaction making something go off in Tenna’s head.

“Riiight. What a shame! I guess you all weren’t Spamton’s friends after all!” He grinned smugly to himself, watching the pink Addison sputter.

“L-Listen here…!”

“Oh, I don’t need to listen to you if he didn’t listen to you guys!” The Addisons stilled in front of him as he gloated.

“I knew him miles better than anyone else!” He cackled, standing proudly as he felt himself grow ever so slightly larger.

“I knew his schedule! His favorite shows! His favorite shoes!”

“The times he slept! The times he took calls! The times we would head to the back of his Cungadero!” He bounced in place manically, holding his face as it grew warm at the memories.

“The time he out of my life!”

“Since I know him so well- I don’t even need your help to find him!” He towered over the Darkners, bearing his teeth and claws as he ranted.

“-Because clearly, you don’t even want to talk about him!

“-Because clearly, you don’t even know him!”

“-Because clearly, you didn’t even care about-”

“He went left.” The blue Addison said sternly, head down as they pointed toward where Spamton should be.

The pink Addison looked at them confused, hands shaking as they stammered. “W-what…?”

Tenna shrunk down, adjusting his tie once more. “That’s all I needed to hear, folks!”

“Maybe one day, you’ll make a contestant on my show!”

He wordlessly left the two behind, making his way west of Castle Town.

The blue Addison slowly lowered their hand, eyes still directly looking at the ground.

“I’m gonna get a drink.”

…

…

Footsteps echoed through the oddly empty part of Castle Town, screen glowing through the dark as he saw it.

That black and red heap on the floor, curled up on the cold hard ground.

Tenna cautiously stepped over to Spamton, sitting next to the salesman.

He wanted to claw and scream at him, to shake him, tell him how much he wanted to throw him into a container and launch him to space to die.

But right now he couldn’t help but feel bad.

He’s a crook! He shouldn’t feel bad for this… scoundrel!

He betrayed you!

He berated you!

He hates you too!

…So why…

Did he say…

His thoughts trailed off as he turned his head to look him in the eyes, only to see static lacing the lenses of his glasses.

“What’s wrong with you, huh…?”

Spamton jolted, glitching heavily as he immediately graced his face with a strained grin, body jittering uncontrollably.

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH [[me, me, me]]?? WHAT’S WRONG WITH [U-turns]!” He choked out a laugh, springing up as if he wasn’t just grovelling on the ground earlier.

“I guess I never answered that question, huh?”

“On account of our gracious host being. Dead!” He chuckles to himself before glancing back at Spamton, noticing how tense he is.

“HAHA, W0W! YOU HEARD IT [All], HUH???”

He sits up, harshly clenching his teeth. “GReAT JUST [[Good Grief Gravy!]]”

“YOU D1DN’T DIE. OH WOW. I’M SO [porud] OF YOU!”

Tenna motions to himself, adjusting the lapels of his suit. “Why, I’m proud of myself too!”

The television looks down only to see that Spamton hasn’t stopped shaking.

“Why don’t we…” Tenna tries to pick his words carefully, one wrong move and it's over.

“...Go and talk about how much is about ourselves back in my room!” He points at Spamton, hoping that he’d take up his offer.

“Let’s…”

“Talk about it.” He kneels down, lowering himself to Spamton’s level.

“...[[Talk]]?” Tenna’s voice echoed back at him.

“SURE. OK4Y. LET’S [[Talk]]. LET’S [Make fun of] [[Bullying]] YOU!”

Tenna holds his hand out, only for Spamton to walk past it, making his way knowingly to the Castle.

He could only stare back, wondering what went wrong. Maybe he made a mistake investing his time in him. In that crook. In that faker, that hater, that scoundrel.

Yet…

It felt like he was the only person he had.

Chapter Text

Steps echo across the lively town, ever since Tenna and his crew arrived there had been a lot more fun additions to the place since. Tenna didn’t really know what the town used to look like but Spamton had a very vague idea. Being a pair of glasses at the time made analysing his surroundings difficult but Castle Town was plenty times more quiet the last time he was here.

That’s TV Time’s charm for ya.

It was something he missed from his big shot days.

He missed the thrill, the screens, the eyes on him.

He had nothing when he was at the bottom of a dumpster.

Deprived of all the liveliness in his life.

The only thing he had…

Tenna glanced over at Spamton, surprised that the little guy had barely a word to say to him. He seemed keen to ‘make fun of’ and ‘bully’ him, but right now it felt like the mailman was in his own little world in his head.

His antennae twitched as something near Spamton started to blur, a big smudge of green across his vision, reminding him of when Kris would sit really close to the TV, their face and sweater all fuzzy against the screen.

He wiped his face as the shape started to clear, revealing itself to just be a thin straight line across his vision… oh don’t tell me those are dead pixels-

His screen flickered as he noticed the line had stopped at Spamton’s hand, almost resembling a string on a puppet.

Without thinking, he reached out, his hand brushing against Spamton’s in an attempt to further inspect the string, only to be met with the salesman frighteningly swatting it away.

“[[Hands off the merchandise]]!” He shouted, seeming to have snapped out of whatever silent trance he was in moments ago.

Tenna backed away in a panic, waving his arms around. “Whoopsie doo! Sorry, pal! I got so distracted I thought I was my CRT!” A little bark played out of his speakers at the word: walk.

He grits his teeth as he covers his mouth with his hands. Out of all of the excuses he could’ve made up, he said THAT? Maybe there are some things about himself he should address…

“WELL, GEE! IF ANYONE’S [[Walkin’ the dog]] IT’S ME. GOT IT?” The other grins manically at him, balling his fist as if he were holding a leash.

The CRT sputtered as he cleared his throat, ignoring whatever exchange they just had. “Well would you look at that? We’re already here!”

The television host started darting up the stairs of the castle, not even going up each step, just sliding up the staircase like a bar of soap.

He left in such a hurry that he didn’t even notice the string disappear.

…

Spamton makes his way up the stairs, taking his sweet time as he takes notice of the ‘disgustingly lovable TV show host’ shaped hole in Tenna’s door. The prince definitely wasn’t going to be happy about that.

The salesman chuckled to himself as he thought about Tenna getting scolded by the little fluffy boy. Imagine being yelled at by someone 4x smaller than you… He didn’t have to imagine it actually, he could just do it whenever he wanted and that’s partly why he hasn’t told Tenna to buzz off yet.

As he approached he heard the television chatting to someone within the room, his voice a little desperate as he exclaimed.

“What do you mean he just disappeared???”

“🎶!”

“What if he goes looking for me- for Spamton! I can’t let him take him back. You were supposed to keep him distracted!”

“I still need to…”

Tenna sighed, a gentle saxophone note playing next to him.

“Forget it. As long as that little marketable fella isn’t in my way, it shouldn’t be an issue.”

“🎵…”

“You’re right…! Gosh, you always know what to say.”

Spamton opened the door manually despite the hole in it, stepping into Tenna’s brighter than comfortable room once again.

“WH4T’S MY FAVORIT LITTLE [slime] DOING-”

Spamton blinks behind his glasses as he takes in the view of Tenna sitting on a couch that had not been in the room prior last time Spamton checked. His expression was a little down turned as his head was against a Shadowguy’s lap, said Shadowguy was wearing a… maid outfit…? Petting the CRT’s head tenderly.

No amount of explaining could really save whatever was happening here.

Tenna shot up, antennae standing on end as he stared down the little salesman. “F-fancy seeing you here, mailman! What brings you here on a ”

The Shadowguy scampered away in embarrassment, a big blush on their darkened face as their dress flapped behind them. They dashed out of the hole in the door, as Tenna glanced over to look at where they bolted off to, the hole was somehow miraculously fixed.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO INV1TED ME, [[Trash Heap]]!”

“...RIIIIGHT!” He reaches behind his back to pull out a cane from nowhere, hooking it around Spamton to pull him onto the couch with him.

“It’s not even a Friday, how silly of me!” Spamton grunted as he was plopped onto the space next to Tenna, the TV show host crossing his legs as he sat with him.

“How about some refreshments? Bet you’re all puffed out from running and all!” Tenna claps his hands twice as if he were calling for a butler, but a few moments went by and nobody answered his call.

“W3LL I-”

“It seems like you scared away the maid.” Tenna interrupted, tipping his head back to sigh.

“What a shame! They were the only one willing to wear the outfit! I suppose beverages will have to be handled by me.” The TV show host reached into his pants, pulling out the cup of coffee he had (technically) pilfered from the café earlier. Somehow, the liquid was still in the cup despite pouring it into his pocket earlier.

He shoved the cup into Spamton’s face, grinning wide. “This is the only mug I got! Consider yourself ”

The puppet held the mug in his hands, shivering as he felt the warmth travel from his palms to the rest of his body.

“...WHY IS IT ST1LL [[Warm as a worm]]?” Spamton asked blankly.

Tenna piped up, leaning in closer to the salesman. “Well! It’s all thanks to ”

“It’s the best place to store anything! It can fit my set! It can fit my kids! It can even fit YOU!”

He poked Spamton’s chest as he held the mug in his hands, the liquids inside left untouched.

“Heck, I’d let you take a ride around town in ”

Spamton snickered, desperately batting Tenna’s hand away as he tilted his head, his smirk growing mischievous. “I’LL HAVE TO P4SS, I DON’T FEEL LIKE [Living] IN ANOTHER [[Dump]].”

Tenna shot him an offended look, screen scrunched in blasphemous shock, resulting in the puppet bursting into uncontrolled laughter, almost spilling his drink in the process.

“Careful with my gift, mailman! I owe that big bird my POINTs later for it!”

Spamton reached up to flick his nose, cackling to himself. “I HAVE NO [Respect] FOR YOUR [[Pants Juice]]!”

The television host pouts, hands balling into fists angrily. “Look, all I wanted was a friendly conversation. Just like old times!”

The salesman rolled his eyes behind his glasses. “IF YOU WANTED [Old Times], BRING OUT THE [Sauce], THE [[Booze]], THE [Good Stuff]!”

Tenna grimaced for a moment, flicking his antenna idly. “Sorry, pal! Only “Pants Juice” on the menu today!”

“[[This an outrage]]! [Down with the Queen]!” He throws the beverage up in the air in annoyance, shouting as his mouth hangs open, the entire mug falling precisely into his mouth.

He shut his chatterer, gulping down the entire piece of crockery. Feeling himself briefly glitch out as he barely had the opportunity to process the flavor.

An invisible audience claps and laughs in response to the display, Tenna laughing hysterically to himself. “HAHAHA! You see that?! What a show!”

He turns toward a nonexistent camera as he points in a vague direction, wiping off a tear from his lack of eyes. “Sight so good, it deserves 200 POINTs!”

Spamton blinks as he spots floating text next to him that say: “+200 POINTs”

“WHAT [[Level of Currency]]? I CAN’T EV3N USE THESE!”

A whip crack sound plays as Tenna points vaguely once again, laughing to himself as if there were people watching. “That’s RIGHT! That’s why we’re taking away your POINTs!”

The same text appeared next to the salesman again, stating: “-200 POINTs”

“H3Y! THOSE WERE [[Rightfully Earned]]!”

The TV show host chuckles, shrugging nonchalantly. “Boo hoo! Maybe you’ll see those darling POINTs again in !” 

Tenna’s room goes dark as the only light illuminating it is a stagelight highlighting a pedestal in the corner of the room next to their couch.

Spamton tilted his head as the lights turned back on, feeling like a flashbang as the salesman squinted.

“It could be YOUR name on that stand, Spam!”

“Or… SPA? No… SPM? Nope! Curse you contestants with 4 lettered nicknames! Don’t you know anything about the Rule of 3’s?!” He shook his head disapprovingly.

“[[TIM]]?” As soon as the word came out of Spamton’s mouth, Tenna slapped a hand over it, shaking his head more vigorously.

“Tim is a nickname- NICKNAMES are for FRIENDS. TIMOTHY TAPEWASH IS NO FRIEND OF MINE!” Tenna yells out nonsensically before the salesman bites down on his hand to shut his yapper.

“YEOWW-!” His antennae become jagged as he feels Spamton’s teeth sink into his glove, yanking it away to shake off the pain.

“IF TH4T WON’T [Satisfied Customers] YOU, HOW AB0UT ‘SGS’, STANDING FOR: SPAMTON G. SPAMTON, G. SPAMTON, SPAMTON!”

The TV show host perked up at the suggestion, his screen brightening as his antennae straightened out again. “Oh, that’s perfect: ‘SGS’! I could see it now, the world premiere… of Sp- ”

He pats the salesman’s back, firm yet comforting as he motioned his hands in front of him, seeming so happy to have Spamton back… it felt surreal almost, like it wasn’t meant to happen.

“I SE3 WHAT’S [Going ON] HERE.” Spamton squinted behind his glasses, inching just a tiny bit closer to the television host.

The other replied with a confused head tilt. “Huh?”

“Y0U’RE [[Buttering]] ME UP [Butter all over the walls] [[I can’t believe it’s butter!]]. TRY1NG TO GET ME ON [Your] SHOWS, [Just like old times].”

Tenna pulls slightly on his collar in embarrassment, twiddling his thumbs.

“[Just like old times] YOU HAV3N’T CHANGED ONE [Bits]. EVEN AFTER YOU [Died] AT THE [[Overdue deadline]] YOU ST1LL USE THE SAME [Team Tactics].”

The television host shakes his head, “Oh Spam, It’s not like that at all! All I wanted to do was…”

“Check in…” He admitted, fidgeting mindlessly with his tie.

“[[Check in]]? [All available in store]???”

“Check in on you! You ran away right as I made my grand return! NOT cool by the way.”

“So what is it? What’s wrong? Spill the beans! Is it because of my character death? I’m fine now, look!” He flicked his nose in an attempt to prove how alive he is.

“So what’s going on, pal? Do you know something that I don’t? The audience is dying to know-” Tenna yelped as he felt the puppet’s hand rush toward his mouth, shutting his trap as the salesman seemed to have an almost… distressed stare.

“?”

If Tenna had eyes he'd blink in confusion. Slowly he put his hand on Spamton’s and pulled it away from his mouth.

“You trying to silence the dying crowd, huh? You just gonna let them shrivel up and die-?”

Spamton’s hand covers up his mouth again, muffling his statement.

He brings his hand up once again, lowering Spamton’s more gently this time. “It’s a-okay to share a secret backstage! It’s just the two of us, I even turned off all the cameras, see?”

The television host snaps his fingers as a camera set slides into the room with a slide whistle sound effect to accompany it. Each camera had a lens cap on to prevent any leaked footage. The cameras slide away after a few moments, never to be seen again.

“All that audience talk? It’s just to prod at you a little more I admit, but you’ve got nothin’ to worry about, because it’s just the two of-”

Yet again, Spamton’s hand rushes to cover Tenna’s mouth.

And yet again, Tenna pulls down his arm, with a little more force now.

“What’s the big idea, Spam?! Who else is going to hear us here?” He grimaced as he started to feel as if something was really off now. Spamton was always a little cryptic, even when they were working together, he was always secretive about what he was talking about on the phone, to the point where he requested his own little private room… where no one ever went.

“D0N’T MAKE ME [Laugh].” Spamton looks up at the television, a twisted grin on his face, yet… there was a sense of desperation in his smile.

“YOU”RE A [[Cathode Screen]] AREn’T YOU?” Tenna bit his lip, not really sure what to say. All he does in response is silently nod.

“SHOULDn’T YOU KN0W… WHO IS [Watching] YOU…?”

The TV show host’s heart sank at that… Since when did Spamton get so creepy, huh…? He was supposed to be the scaredy cat, when Tenna pitched his experimental horror thriller channel Spamton used to spring up like a frightened kitten! Where did he get these scare tactics from? This wasn’t anything Tenna taught him… This wasn’t anything Tenna had even seen before. Why must the little mailman change like this? He was just great before!

“Ha, ha! Very funny Spammy! What a performance… Y-y’know… you deserve 200 more P-POINTs for that!” He stuttered as he squeezed Spamton’s hand tighter in his, feeling his antennae twitch uncomfortably as the salesman’s words hung in the air. What could he possibly mean by that? Who was watching? They were the only ones in the room right now, he turned off the cameras, he shut off the mics! Was there a script he was supposed to be following…? Did he… go off script…?

It seemed that the puppet squeezed his hand back, but not in comfort but rather… as a display of authority. He wanted to rip his hand away but he couldn’t help but just stare at him… what was his intent…? What was his…

“[[DEAL!]] OUR [Deal]!!!” Spamton suddenly shouted, bringing Tenna’s hand closer to his face.

“WHER3 IS IT??? WHERE’S THE [Ring of Thorns]???” He looks around frantically at Tenna’s hand, turning it in his hands.

“What?”

“OUR [[Marriage Proposal]]! [You lost it!] YOU LOST IT [[When you tried to see too far]]! WH3RE DID YOU PUT IT???” Tenna looked down at his hand, low and behold, the ring was not anywhere on his hand, not even the holes it left in his holes remained, they must’ve been patched up when he was fixed.

“Sorry Spamton, but I can’t control when my arms are cleaved off!” Tenna spat back, a little unnerved by his anger, it wasn’t like whatever playfully rude banter he was doing before. He seemed so genuinely aggravated, so genuinely furious.

“Y0U [Slime]! YOU SON OF A [[Machine gun]]! YOU FATHER OF AN [Egg]!!! HOW COULD Y0U?”

“MY T1CKET. [[One way ticket to]] [God’s happy place]!” He grips Tenna’s collar, shaking him vigorously. He could feel the barely contained anger in his tiny balled fists, shaking him to his core, burning him in fire.

“ALL TH4NKS TO YOUR [Total Jackass stunts]! YOUR [Total Jackass room]! YOUR [Total Jackass show]!”

“Y0U JUST HAD TO [Died] IN THE [[Top 10 Worst Ways]]!!!” He bashes him harshly into the armrest of the couch, face fully red and steaming like a boiling pot.

Tenna took hold of his arms, trying desperately to pull him off but it was like he was practically in a death grip. “WE’R3 ALL GOING TO BE [Obsolete meat]. EXC3PT ME.”

“I HAD IT.” A huge puff of steam exits his mouth as he speaks, skin hot to the touch.

“ALL IN MY [Soon to be Perfect] LITTLE [Puppet] MITTS.”

He pulled the television host closer, panting heavily. “I PL4YED YOUR [[Foolish]] [Ghoulish] GAMES.”

“THE [Pixels] SH0WED ME THE [Light].”

“I EMPT1ED YOUR [Mailroom] LIKE A [[Good boy]].”

“BUT N0w…”

“I HAV3 [Nothing].”

“YOU TOOK 1T ALL AW4Y FROM ME!!1!!!!” He shakes Tenna crazily once again, gritting his teeth as the sound of a train whistle rang through his head.

“MY [Phone calls], MY [Fame], MY [Love]!!! YOU EVEN TOOK [[Mike]]!”

He hung his head down for a moment, his glasses glazing with static. “...Mike.”

“AND Y0U KNOW WHAT???” He snaps out of it, returning to his hatred filled rant.

“IT SH0ULD BE YOU [[Crying]] AT THE BOTTOM OF A [Dumpster].”

“WH1LE I [Fulfil] MY [Role] IN THE [[Beautiful scheme]].”

“W1THOUT IT.”

“I…”

“Am nothing.” He spoke, his voice becoming more clear… almost… natural… like how he sounded when Tenna once knew him.

Spamton pants as he trails off, his eyes now fully drowned in static as he holds Tenna in his shaky grip. The television host could only stare, unable to muster a single word as so many thoughts raced through his mind. What happened to him to make him so… so…

He couldn’t even find a word to describe him. It was almost sad. He was clearly… mad! In every definition of the word. How was he supposed to know that his arms would be sliced right off? That the ring would slip out of his grip and get lost in the snow? What was the madman even talking about anyways? Games, mailrooms, schemes, dumpsters? It almost sounded like…

Tenna was suddenly thrown back as Spamton fell on top of him, face against his chest as his grip weakened. Breathing heavily over his body, his entire body growing more frail by the moment.

“Spamton?!” The television host yelped in surprise and concern, pulling the salesman up as he felt… heavier.

“Look, SORRY for losing your little ring, I didn’t know it was just that important… but you can’t blame this one on me!”

The CRT’s face glitched into static when he looked down, watching in horror as Spamton’s legs were now coated with stone.

“What the heck?!”

Tenna flinched as he felt tiny hands tug his suit, the little salesman holding on with the remaining life he still had in him.

“IF I’M G0NNA [[Go down]]...”

He pulled the TV show host toward him, raising his fist. “I’M T4KING YOU [Down] WITH ME!!!”

“HEHAHAEAHAEHAHAHA!!!” He laughed maniacally, he thinks that Tenna lost it now, huh? That wretched mailman is the one who’s gone mad, who’s lost it all. Even without a home, even without someone to watch him now at the moment, Tenna knew…

He was better.

A searing pain shot through the television’s screen as he was punched in the face, screen briefly glitching as his eyes furrowed in fury. What was the point in helping such a hopeless case…? A sad sack that was only there to make fun of him. It made his head spin, thinking about Spamton. Was holding onto the past really worth it when it turned into this?

Tenna catches Spamton’s arm in his hand, clutching it tightly as he practically tackled Spamton onto the couch, pinning him down as his size made the salesman look like a tiny puppy in comparison. Oh, he didn’t need him. He didn’t need him at all! He can navigate this new town on his own… Sure the salesman saved his life… why… Why did he even do that if it was just going to end in him punching him in the face?

Spamton coughed up a little version of him like a hairball, causing the television host to reel back in disgust as the tiny Spamton stuck onto his screen like a hungry tick, trying to take him for all he’s worth…

Tenna fell back on the armrest as he shook the tiny Spamton creature off of him, looking up at the mailman reeling up another punch. He didn’t… He didn’t need him… but from what he’s seen… the salesman needed him. Why else would he be beating the [$!$!] out of him now? He wanted to feel strong before he went down, and the thing that brought him such a feeling was Tenna. Then why did he…

Why did he trust him with that ring? That ring that was so important it decided whether he would turn to stone or not… especially in a place like Castle Town where everyone is supposed to have a purpose! What was going on in that little maniac’s head?! D-Did he care about Tenna or not?!

Without thinking Tenna picked the mailman up and threw him behind himself, the salesman getting knocked into the wall like an abused plushie. He bounced off, plopping right into the pedestal in the corner of the room.

DING!

A loud ding rang out in the air as Spamton tried to push himself up, the task difficult when his legs were as stiff as stone… literally.

Tenna froze, looking down at the salesman with a blank expression.

“Oh… oh no.”

“I can’t… I can’t stop it, Spamton.”

The salesman looked up in confusion. “WHAT???”

“It’s… it’s coming…”

“The second coming of…” His voice trembled as he spoke in anticipation.

“ ” Tenna sprung up, pointing in an ambiguous direction, smiling as big as ever.

“CLAP AND CHEER! SMILE AND SCREAM! ENTERTAINMENT TO YOUR SCREEN!”

“YOU BIG SHOT! YOU’VE ACTIVATED…”

“ MR. ANT TENNA’S TV TIME… ”

As he yelled those words the entire room around them grew white… the two of them engulfed in light…

Chapter Text

Tenna cleared his throat, reading off the final cue card of the show. He looked over at his new co-worker on stage, next to a Shadowguy and green Pippin. The little Addison was sweating bullets as he hovered his little mitts over the button on the pedestal. The poor little guy looked like he was going to explode at any moment. It was funny, this guy was supposed to be a Big Shot . Maybe he still needed some guidance.

“Last question folks!”

The board lit up, screen displaying an image of a familiar Darkner from the Cyber City, Spamton could recognize that giant avian butler anywhere, he almost blushed as they appeared on screen, clearing his throat as he trembled.

“What species is this lovely Darkner?”

> Starwalker

> Scissor Dancer

> Tasque

> Swatchli-

Spamton slammed his hands onto that button as if it owed him money, kicking his legs and raising his arms as he scrambled to formulate words. “SWATCHLING!!! They’re a swatchling! I know that guy!”

The big shot’s pedestal glowed green as a correct ‘DING!’ echoed around the room, causing the little guy to jump around in celebration.

The Pippin piped up, pointing accusingly over at the salesman. “Whuh?! He has an unfair advantage! He’s a Cyber World citizen, of course he’d know the answer!”

Spamton whipped over his head to look at the little green Darkner, shooting him an offended look, mouth hung open. “Well excuse-”

Tenna patted the salesman on the head, antenna tilting almost as if he were winking, it was as if he were saying ‘I’ll handle this.’

“Don’t be so , pal! After all, he’s at a disadvantage because this is his first show!”

He leans in and elbows the Pippin, grinning smugly as he whispers. “ (Don’t act like you’re not the one winning, anyways.) ”

The little dice Darkner’s face heated up, head spinning for a moment before they cleared their throat.

“I’m winning…!?”

They slapped themselves in the face as they straightened out their posture, putting on a more confident expression. “I mean, of course I knew that!”

Tenna slid back over to the side of the stage, posing dramatically as he faced the audience. “NOOOW!!! It’s time to gather all the results, folks!”

The pedestals retreated into the ground as the board switched its screen to a more deep blue hue, little sprite versions of the contestants coming up.

“First up we’ve got our rrrrresident Shadowguy setting the bar! Let’s see what we’ve got!”

A drum roll thrummed through the stage, as the letter ‘B’ popped onto the screen next to the Shadowguy’s sprite.

“You B etter B elieve it! It B e a B ! Not B ad, B arely B ad! B ut can it B est the Best?”

The audience cheered, the Shadowguy on stage tipping their hat and covering their flustered face.

“Next up we’ve got the one and only… What’s the name of these awful guys again?”

Said awful guy stomps the ground, eyes blown wide as they wave their arms. “PIPPINS!!! We’re called PIPPINS!” They yell a little too enthusiastically.

“Riiight! How could I forget! I should add that question to my next show!” Tenna puts a hand on his nose as he pulls it off, writing on one of his cue cards as if it were a ballpoint pen. The other contestants look in horror, Spamton reaching up to touch his own nose as if he were afraid it were going to fall off.

The TV show host slaps his nose back on as if he never took it off in the first place, shoving his cue cards into his pocket as he presents the next score.

“Our dearest Dicer-”

“PIPPIN!!!” The ‘Dicer’ corrected.

“Contractor of the …”

“The what-?”

“-A ttained A n A ! A wesome, A westruck, A mazing! A for A-ffort!” The letter ‘A’ appeared next to the Pippin’s sprite on the board as the audience cheered yet again.

“That’s not how you pronounce-”

Tenna cuts them off, pointing enthusiastically at the screen. “Now, for the one we’ve all been waiting for… Our surprise guest! Spamton G. Spamton!”

A stagelight appeared over the surprise guest as he adjusted his tie, looking on at the audience nervously… if only they could see him now…

The television host perked up as a stack of Pippins approached him, the one at the very top of the stack (not diseased this time, they were a healthy red hue) whispering something into where his ears would’ve been.

“Oh… oh my…” Tenna tilted his head down, screen going blank as he rested his hands behind his back.

Spamton tilted his head up at the reaction, his heart thrumming in his chest at Tenna’s reaction… Was that a good ‘oh my’ or bad ‘oh my’...?

“This is… the first ever, folks…”

“We need to invent a for what good ol’ Spammy Mailman just scored here!”

The audience gasped as the salesman’s posture straightened at the attention. Right- no slouching! That wasn’t professional Spamton, the [BENEFACTOR] told you this!

“Since our dear mailman did such an astronomically…”

“ job!”

Spamton’s eye twitched at the TV show host’s admission, hearing glass break in the back of his mind, suddenly taken back to all those nights he spent dreaming about making it big.

“We have to grant our big shot here a ” The letter ‘Z’ appeared next to Spamton’s sprite on the board, playing along with a pathetic trumpet note.

The salesman frowned as he stepped up toward the television host. “I call rigged!”

Tenna tilted his head, poking his cheek as to feign innocence. “Whaaaat? Little ol’ me rigging the game? Clearly you’re new to TV, pal!”

“You didn’t even let me phone a friend!” Spamton argued, gesturing wildly.

“Well, that’s because they just kept feeding you the answers! What’s the point in playing the game if you already know everything?” Tenna shook his head disapprovingly, leaning down to Spamton’s level.

“ (I’ll have to take you backstage and teach you a lesson, young man.) ”

“Wh-huh?!”

…

…

After the light faded… everything felt dark… pitch black.

Whatever Spamton was standing on felt cold… or maybe that was because his legs were currently stone, but whatever it was- it sent a chill down his spine.

It was so loud before, so much action, so much hatred from the bottom of his SOUL… now… it was just unnerving silence.

“Don’t you remember, Spamton…?”

Spamton whipped his head around to the origin of the noise, unable to see anything in the complete blackness… it was Tenna’s voice he was sure! Wouldn’t his screen be glowing in the dark?

“This was your favorite segment of my broadcast.”

Spamton flinched back as a screen in front of him lit up, bright light fading to reveal an old commercial… one he knew all too well.

“The ad breaks.”

The salesman stared back at his own face grinning back on Tenna’s screen. It felt almost as if he were seeing a dead man move again.

“You would get so excited to record each and every ad. You were giving your colleges a run for their money.”

He watched himself on the screen sing and dance to he and Tenna’s shared jingle, stepping into one of his trademark cungaderos…

“Selling merchandise… your own branded drinks… your iconic ‘Cowabunga-dero’ or whatever you called it…”

Spamton tilted his head whatever Tenna said, suddenly jumping as he heard the sound of running water behind him. He flinches as he feels coldness at his feet, unable to move his legs with the state they’re in.

“Just let that soak in…”

The mailman squirmed as he felt water start to rise up his body, he leaned over, waving his hands around in hopes that he can get some leverage on something.

His hands grab onto something, something cold, something that feels like porcelain… Almost like… A bathtub.

Oh.

No.

The lights fired back on with a click, the sight of the room flashing before Spamton’s eyes. A… gigantic bathroom.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking-”

“[[GET ME OUT OF HERE]]”

Tenna wraps his arm around Spamton’s shoulder, the other having his petrified legs submerged in a bathtub that was painted to look like one of his old Cungaderos.

“The infomercial channel was a total bomb, Tenna! You’re never going to recover from this, Tenna! When are you going to address his disappearance, Tenna?!”

The television host gestures wildly, almost elbowing Spamton in the face as he points to where an audience would be.

“Well shut your yappers! -And listen to our Zappers!”

As its name was said a TV remote Darkner slid into the scene with a concrete sliding sound effect to accompany it. It fumbles with a cue card in its hands.

The Zapper stumbled over its own words, turning the cue card upside down. “M-Mr. Ant Tenna’s TV Time Season 2 is err… Re… erm… Remasterin’ the infomercial chan-”

“ IS REMASTERING THE INFOMERCIAL CHANNEL!!!” He shouted as he cut the Zapper off, the other hopping away sadly with a bindle in hand.

Spamton pipes up, trying to shift himself to face the mad television host. “I THOUGHT THE [Infomercials] CHANNEL WAS [[Cancelled]] FOR [5 Thousand Years]!!!”

“[Pointless Remasters] GO [[Straight to Hell]] I HOPE Y0U KNOW!” Spamton flails his arms angrily at him as his legs still hold him in place.

“Oh you’re much too harsh, Spam!” Tenna pulls away from him, fanning his face.

“After all… this channel now belongs to YOU!” He points at the salesman, his finger grazing the tip of his nose.

“WHAT???” Spamton exclaimed in surprise as Tenna jumped behind the tub, shaking the ground below as he landed.

“That’s RIGHT! Just like old times: Spamton G. Spamton is running the show once again, but this time with his OWN channel!”

“Gone are the days with treacherous Timothy, now are the glory days! Spamton and Tenna’s GRAND RETURN! ” Tenna exclaimed, saying his and Spamton’s name in that familiar showtune. 

A shoddily made cardboard sign falls into view, big bold yellow text saying ‘Spamton G. Spamton’s Infomercial Channel’, the word ‘Timmy Tapewash’s’ hastily painted over in red.

“1S THAT WHY Y0U’VE GOT TH3SE [[Cheap copies]]?” Spamton knocks on the bathtub, red paint chipping off as he does so.

“C0ULDN’T HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE [Real thing!]? I’M T1RED OF THESE [[Baby baths]]!!!” The salesman looks at him with a disappointed look, completely done with his showbiz shenanigans.

Tenna deflates a little, his stature growing smaller at the comment. “Look…”

“ had to cut some corners to air…” With each word that came out of his mouth he shrunk down just a little more.

“We had to reuse some props and…”

He nervously adjusted his tie, beads of sweat forming on his screen. “I uh… may have already used your spare Cowabunga-deros for something else…”

“FOR WHAT?” Spamton questioned. Tenna turned his head down as he fiddled with his hands anxiously.

The camera panned over to a comically large pile of burning cars, all of which belonging to Spamton as evident by its bright red hue and yellow patterns.

“...” The salesman just stared in complete silence, almost… mesmerized from the view. It was like looking at a car crash, you just couldn’t rip your eyes away from it… to be honest, it wasn’t a far off observation.

“Oh… all of that burning tar…” Tenna shrinks down as he looks at the wreckage, his head downcast in shame.

“Those poor… innocent cars…” He shakes like a sad wet puppy, despite that burning pile being his fault. He just got really mad, okay? Coping with your business partner that you hate leaving you after you were going to make a deal that would change lives hits HARD, okay? Sometimes you just have to smash and burn a few cars, okay???

“D-Don’t look at me… Don’t look at the Cowabunga-deros…”

He slides away from view, Spamton staring blankly in confusion.

“Keep your eyes off me… and your eyes on…”

“THE ROAD!” Tenna drops onto the back of Spamton’s Cowabunga-dero bathtub, shaking the ground and jostling the water inside the tub.

The floor gives way and shatters into a road, nearly identical to the ones in Spamton’s old city.

“WH4T THE?!”

“Welcome my dear mailman, and welcome to…”

“ ’S FIRST

Tenna shrunk himself to a more manageable size as he clung onto the back of Spamton’s Cowabunga-tub.

“I’M NOT GETTING [[Quality garden hoses]] AGAIN!!!” Spamton shouted, splashing in the water of the tub.

Tenna shook his head, chuckling quietly to himself, “Oh no, no, no! Those cleaning product infomercials are over, now is the age of the Cowabunga-deros!”

“[Cungadero]!!! [Ride around town] [[Smokin’]] [Cungadero]!!!” The salesman hastily corrected, waving his arms around.

“IS THE [Waterwerks] REALLY [Necessary]?” Spamton shivers to himself, despite his legs still being stone, he felt the chill of the water through them, to be honest, it probably enhanced the chill.

“It’s to keep those legs nice and smooth! They say water is healing.”

“W-”

The television host interrupts Spamton’s thought, rocking the bathtub excitedly. “NO MORE DISTRACTIONS! I’ve got to explain the ”

“Another completely new game! Lucky you!”

The TV show host frantically points at the seemingly endless road in front of them. “Your goal is to drive as far as you can through the sea of violent cars!”

“They’re out to kill you!” He exclaims, sounding way too enthusiastic about this whole show.

“All you have to do is press the arrow keys to move the car around!”

“Avoid those other cars! They’re jealous of your smoking hot Cungy-wungy-dero!”

“[[Not what I’m called]]!”

Tenna smacks the side of the Cungy-wungy-tub, smoke emitting off of it. “Those are the only instructions you need to know, folks! How about we step on the acceleration and get this show on the road?”

“[NO]!”

“Say it with me now…”

“”

The tub suddenly starts up, wheels spinning and darting down the road as Spamton panickedly holds the sides, trying to direct it.

Tenna hangs off the back of the tub, antennae flowing through the air as he stared down the road.

The TV show host pointed, slightly shaking the excuse for a vehicle. “WATCH OUT! There’s a flock of Conga-lina-deros ready to attack!”

“[Watch the tires] [Trash heap]!” Spamton swerves around as he catches a glimpse of several literal flaming hot cars hurtling toward his direction.

“WHAT THE [H]?!” He pulls the sides of the tub, steering it away from the oncoming traffic.

Some cars barely graze their Conga-lina-tub, leaving scratches on its surface.

“Hey! This beaut just got a new paint job!” Tenna almost put his hands on his sides before he remembered he was holding onto a moving object, steadying himself as Spamton purposely tried to shake him off.

“[$!$?] YOUR PAINT JOB!” He grumbled, shaking the tub as much as he possibly could without crashing.

“You can’t be saying that on TV, Spamton! Think of th-” Before Tenna could complain he suddenly slapped the back of Spamton’s head incredibly hard, making the puppet’s head spin a whole 360 degrees.

“MAILMAN. STOP EVERYTHING!!!” The salesman readjusted his head before the tub had the chance to swerve out of control. He leaned forward and squinted as he saw something blue and round on the road surrounded by the… ‘Conga-lina-deros’

“GET THE PIPIS!” The TV show host commanded, his voice shrieking as if this pipis was the deciding factor of his life. He pointed enthusiastically at the little bunch of blue mound on the road as his mouth was in the shape of an ‘O’. 

Spamton shook his head as his eyes widened, barrelling toward the small egg. “WHAT IS [[Little Miss]] DO1NG THERE?!”

He swerved by each car, gritting his teeth as they were just inches away from killing him right then and there. “Y0U KNOW. YOU GOT [1] THING RIGHT.”

“TH1S REALLY F3ELS LIKE [[Home]].”

“I FEEL LIKE I’M G0NNA [Die] EV3RY SECOND I’M ON THIS [[Cyber City Roadworks]].

The salesman leaned down and snagged the pipis as they zipped by, plopping the egg to float in the water of the tub. A little collection sound accompanying the action.

“Ah…” Tenna opens his mouth as if to say something but his words are caught in his throat.

“I… uh. Don’t know what this stuff is made out of.” The television host scratched his head in confusion as he stared down the egg floating in the tub.

“Y0U DON’T KNOW??? 4FTER [[100 Years]] OF KNOWING [Number 1 Rated Salesman 1997], AFTER FEEDING [$@%!] TO YOUR [Kids], AFTER HAULING [Your Pretty @$$] INTO A [Closet], Y0U STILL DON’T KNOW IT’S MADE OF [[Hyperlink Blocked]]???” Spamton looked on in shock and awe at Tenna as he gestured wildly.

“Look, how could I possibly have known?! There’s so many blue eggs out there!” The TV show host argued.

“THEY’RE [[All Original]]!”

“I know what’s best for her, okay?! I don’t need to know what she is to-”

“I M4DE HER! STRAIGHT FROM THE     !”

“I took her in!”

“Y0U LEFT HER IN A [[Cold Closet]]!”

“-Where it was safe!”

“YOU THR3W HER 0UT ON THE [Road work ahead]!”

“Because I knew you would-”

Tenna glanced at the road before continuing their back and forth bickering, antennae straightening in fear as he hit Spamton repeatedly on the head with his head.

“EYES ON THE ROAD YOU MANIAC!”

Spamton turned around only to see the two were heading straight to collide with a black wall at the end of the road, desperately searching for a way to stop the vehicle.

“[[WE’RE GONNA CRASH!]]”

…

…

Tenna walked down the hall to the ranked rooms, Spamton trailing behind him as he couldn’t help but stare at the ground. He felt like a child being sent to the principal’s office. What did he mean ‘teach him a lesson?’ His first game show with Tenna and he already messed everything up, how pathetic.

He couldn’t get help from the phone for once and it ended up in him getting a Z-rank , bottom of the alphabet scum! Nobody likes the letter Z except for people who slouched and slept all day. Spamton was a HARD worker! He put his whole blood, sweat and tears into his business… sure, the [BENEFACTOR] was helping him and all but he was the one putting everything into action! He wasn’t… pathetic.

Useless.

…

He got sales… He didn’t… need help.

“Earth to mailman! You good there?” The television host snapped his fingers in front of Spamton to get his attention, ripping him away from whatever thought spiral he was just about to enter.

“RIGHT! Apologies, Tenna. I got lost in thought for a moment.” He slicked back his hair nervously, readjusting his tie.

“Good! I thought I was boring you for a moment. We can’t let that happen, it’s illegal here!” Tenna laughed to himself as he cleared his throat, walking up to the Zapper at the front desk of the ranked rooms.

“Is our new room done yet?” The TV show host asked, Spamton hovering close by behind him.

“Yessiree! We did just as youse asked. It’s over to yer right hand side.” The TV remote Darkner pointed over there, Tenna nodding approvingly.

“Thank you for your business! C’mon Spamton, we’ve got just the room for you!”

The salesman tilted his head curiously as Tenna walked him down the long… too long hall as they reached a door ungracefully labelled ‘Exclusive Z-rank changing room!’

The TV show host bowed before him as he motioned for the salesman to open the door. “After you.”

Spamton pushed the door open, motion full of hesitance and curiosity.

The door creaked open as the room was dimly lit, the atmosphere was almost unsettling, further accentuated by Spamton’s phone alone on a table.

The only bright thing in the room were the posters of both him and Tenna after they had sealed their brand deal. Their smiles were so bright it practically lit up the entire room, ripping through the unnerving darkness.

The salesman’s face mimicked the one on the poster, his expression warm as he took a few steps in.

He whistled, whipping his head around to look back at the television who seemed to be anxiously fiddling with the pin on his suit. “Really digging the posters you hung up, Tenna.”

The TV show host clapped his hands proudly, grinning wide. “Why thank you! It was one of: 2 additions!”

He leaned in whispering to the salesman. “ (Look, I’ll be honest.) ”

He inches closer. “ (Really, really, honest.) ”

He fiddles with his fingers, staring the salesman in the eye. “ (I felt a little bad for you out there, so consider this a little gift from me to you.) ”

The television show host held his arms up, as if presenting the small cramped room to the other. “Your very own room in my grand theater!”

He slid over to Spamton’s phone, pointing at it keenly. “A place to put this baby! We can’t have it ringing off its handle on stage, can we?”

He chuckles before moving in close once again. “ ”

Tenna folds his hands together as a flower sprouts from his nose, an ‘aww’ sound effect playing as he says ‘kid’.

Spamton blushes, waving the other off. “Sure, sure, ease up on the teasing will ya?”

The salesman glances hesitantly at his phone. “Thank you, by the way. It’ll be nice to have a place of my own.”

“I’d prefer to have these calls in… private anyways.” He laughs nervously to himself as he hovers over the phone, looking back at Tenna who was leaning on the wall and smirking smugly.

“Oh, I bet you do, haha!”

Spamton shakes his head in an unimpressed manner, resting his elbow on his phone’s desk. “These calls are strictly professional.”

“Right! Right! Of course.” The television host nods as he takes a step toward Spamton.

“Now, I said earlier I had a lesson to teach ya!” The little mailman stared back and gulped. Oh, what could he possibly want? What was he possibly going to do?

“I just wanted to say I think-” 

Tenna’s antennae suddenly perked up, a signal picking up on him as sparks flew out of his head.

“Well gee! It’s my turn to get a call! Excuse me for a moment…”

He hesitantly shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

The salesman almost followed him, pressing his head against the door as he tried to listen for Tenna’s voice.

“What could you possibly want now, Ramb?”

“Enough preamble! If you want to show me something that’ll woo the crowd, hurry it up!”

“...”

“What do you mean I can’t let anyone-”

RING!

RING!

Spamton jumped up in surprise as he stumbled back, hand on his heart as his own phone’s rings spooked him good.

He stepped toward the phone again, his steps shaky with hesitance…

No… he had to prove himself, prove himself that he could do something without the phone’s help!

He quickly retracted his steps, a little too quickly as he trips and falls back into the corner of the room, hitting on something raised from the ground.

“OW!”

The salesman rubbed his head as he noticed he had fallen on something made out of some kind of iron…

He had fallen on a manhole.

…

…

It was complete darkness once again.

The last thing Spamton remembered was a distant explosion… Constant bickering…

“Oh, Spamton… I forgot to tell you…”

THAT [[damn]] TV!

“That road was actually pretty short… budget cuts and all…”

“The wall at the end was just painted black to give the illusion that there was more in the distance.”

“Pretty neat, huh?”

Spamton squirms, now noticing that he’s suspended in the air, a rope tied around his torso, but for whatever reason, everything was pitch black around him.

“[Cheapskate]!!!” The salesman yells out, trying to release himself from whatever trap he was in.

Tenna let out an offended gasp, stomping the ground a little with his foot. “I’ll have you know this is one of my most expensive sets!”

“I CAN’T EVEN [Sea] IT!” The salesman complained as the other tilted his head in confusion.

A lightbulb went off in Tenna’s head as he spoke, “Ooooh! Right! I forgot about your costume!”

The puppet felt something be removed from his eyes, when his peepers blinked open he immediately noticed a black bar sliding off of his face, as well as his vision being…

Normal…

“MY [Dealmaker]!!! WHERE 1S MY [[Dealmaker]]!?”

He struggled on the rope, feeling like some kind of unwanted puppet on a string.

“Right here, Spammy!”

Tenna stands in the middle of a city set, his entire body coated in gold as he turns around, Spamton’s Dealmaker crudely taped onto his face.

Spamton flailed angrily, shouting. “WHY ARE Y0U [[Yellow]]?!”

“It’s all part of the costume design, mailman! Look, you’ve got one on too!” Tenna holds up a hand held mirror, pointing at it expectantly.

The salesman’s eyes widened as he looked practically like… his old Big Shot self… Wearing the suit Tenna had given him, his tired eyes no longer obscured by his Dealmaker.

“We had to remove the black bar on account of it making you blind- but don’t you remember that movie role you had?! When you played as yourself? Haha! We had so much fun filming it y’know!”

All he could do was stare in silence, every single time… this dead man came back to taunt him.

“You said… It was your first time being in a movie.”

Spamton shook his head before his mind could be overcome with static, shaking manically. “[[On with the show]]! [What’s the hold up?]?!”

Tenna perked up, coughing to himself as he fixed his tie. He turned his head away to hide the embarrassed blush. “Right! How could I forget? Of course!”

“I’m sure you were around for the minigame weren’t you? I bet you know all the ropes if you know what I’m sayin’.” A laugh track is played after Tenna’s joke, only resulting in Spamton to roll his eyes.

“However! This game has a brand new twist!”

More buildings erupted from the ground, each one containing 1-2 people. All of the buildings were on fire, not prop fire, actual fire as the Darkners within trembled in fear. There are a few random Castle Town Darkners littered here and there, though a majority are still from TV World, namely a few Shadowguys, Shuttah and the Weather Duo.

“Instead of being the Big Shot who tragically dies at the end of the movie… You can be the Big Shot who heroically saves others from certain ” As Tenna speaks, quiet screaming can be heard in the background.

“Here’s the deal: Move around from building to building, saving everyone from their fiery deaths!”

“Grab a Darkner and plop them into the ” He points over at a kiddie pool that slides onto the set.

“Once you save all the citizens, you become a hero talked about for years to come!”

“But if you don’t…”

He clenches his fist on his tie, crumpling it. “Well, you’ll have some lawsuits to confront with me.”

“So DON’T DISAPPOINT!” He grins, almost maniacally as he points at Spamton, then at the ‘viewers.’

“Let me hear it now…”

“ ”

“W4IT, WAIT, WAIT.” Spamton suddenly interrupted, causing Tenna’s face to sour.

“I’m in the MIDDLE of something here, mailman.” He folds his hands together as if he were a few seconds away from losing it.

“It better be good.”

Spamton stared at him blankly, holding up a finger to the rope. “WHO IS [[Pulling the strings]]?”

The television host paused there, completely freezing in place as he forgot the most important part of the game.

How the heck was he going to save everyone if he couldn’t even move?! You’re an idiot, Tenna!

“R-Right…”

“The… The rope.”

He scrambles around, pulling several cue cards out of his pockets only for all of them to just have drawings of himself on them.

He points up at the sky in desperation. “M-MIKE!!! Woo them with our newest feature!”

Tenna anxiously calls out as a screen starts to lower from the ceiling. Ominously looming over the burning city as we speak. (Right! The city is still on fire! Those lawsuits were going to kick Tenna’s a…mazing backside!)

Cheesy romantic music played overhead as the screen turned on, reflecting the audience on its screen as a heart overlay was plastered on top of it.

Text appears as a dash of sparkles fly across the screen, displaying the words: TV Time Kiss Cam.

The TV host sweats as he frantically tries to think of a way he can fix his show- gosh why didn’t he just think harder about this? At least the kiss cam would serve as a good distraction.

The footage on the screen scrolls between several Darkners until landing unsurprisingly on Laniño and Elniña.

The couple glances at each other as they seem themselves reflected on the screen, holding on to each other as they live their final moments within this burning building.

“Elniña… I’ll always remember how your cool chill kept me from melting in the summer…” The weather man muttered, pulling the other closer as he felt his eyes glisten.

“Laniño… I’ll always remember how your radiant warmth kept me from freezing in the winter…” The weather woman whispered, raising a hand up to place on the other Darkner’s face.

“Your windy nights…” He replied, his voice almost sounded amazed yet pained.

“Your sunny mornings…” The sides of Elniña’s mouth wobbled as she drew herself closer.

The two of them whisper in unison, now holding each other’s faces. “The weather… sticks… together…”

They pull each other in, kissing in front of the screen passionately as their faces were practically slotted together like puzzle pieces.

A canned ‘aww’ sound effect played from the screen as the music only grew more loud. The rest of the crew in the burning buildings looked on in confusion and embarrassment, except for Shuttah who was oddly enjoying the display.

Spamton coughed awkwardly as he side eyed Tenna, feeling his body grow sore from how long its been suspended.

As the two slowly pulled apart, a piece of Elniño’s cloud hair broke off from her head, floating up to the top of the set before expanding into a giant rain cloud.

The pair looks up as it begins to rain on the entire set, putting out the fires one by one until the entire city is saved.

The crew stared in silence as they were completely soaked but saved from the raging flames. One of the Shadowguys jumped up and played a celebratory saxophone note as the other Darkners took that as their cue to cheer.

Tenna perks up, smiles widening as he feels several switches turn on in his head. “Oh…”

The skies clear up as soft pink lights flooded the room, a flower sprouting out of Tenna’s nose as he exclaims. “I finally understand now!”

“You two! You’ve opened my eyes!”

“Eyes?” The weather duo says in confusion.

“Yes! It’s not more rising action that we need! We all know that the most powerful force in all of cinema…”

“Is a ” He folds his hands together giddily as Spamton just stares at him in awe.

“WH4T??”

“That’s right, Spammy! The only thing that can save you from your petrifying curse…!” The kiss cam pans onto the two of them, encasing both of them within a heart.

He inches closer, whispering. “ (...Is my Tenna-out-of-Ten lips.) ”

Spamton felt his face turn red as a train whistle sound effect played out of his non-existent ears. “[[KI__ MY TV]]!!!

“Pucker up, buttercup! It’s the only way I can lift your curse!”

The salesman scrambled, steam erupting from the back of his neck. “[Cut the broadcast]!!! [Cut the broadcast]!!!”

…

…

The mailman finagled with the manhole, prying it open as he crawled in.

It was completely black on the inside, he could barely see a thing, but he went through it anyway.

To be honest he didn’t know why. He felt a little sick thinking about the phone’s rings right now, and he didn’t feel like walking out of the room since Tenna was taking a call right outside of it.

This manhole was his only escape, maybe it would lead to somewhere, or at least provide him a place to hide.

Hide? Hide from what?

A clang reverberated throughout the walls as Spamton had hit his head on something while subconsciously crawling.

“OW.”

He rubbed the top of his noggin, slicking back his hair as he pressed a hand against the ceiling.

It was cold iron.

He groaned as he pushed the manhole cover out of the way slowly but surely.

Hands gripped at the ground as he hoisted himself up, panting as he started to question every decision he’s made from now on.

A manhole? Really? They can’t catch Cyber City’s #1 star crawling through a manhole like some crazy coot! This was humiliating… he should just turn back now.

Yet he looked on, spotting some kind of light in the distance, it was the only thing illuminating the room.

Like second nature he felt drawn to it, subconsciously ambling toward the light as if he were a moth.

He stepped into the room, his steps feeling heavy as he noticed a gigantic screen on the wall, faintly glowing.

A console laid next to the screen, just beckoning the salesman to play.

Out of curiosity, he walked toward it, seeing there was already an odd controller plugged in.

The base was off white, and the buttons were an ugly pink and yellow, just staring at it, he could tell it was unwanted.

Despite it all, he picked it up, feeling his heart stop as it felt… warm.

Someone was holding it just moments ago.

He could feel it, the imprint of their tiny hands.

He gulped, thinking to himself that well- he didn’t see anyone while exploring the room so he must be alone, right?

…

Alone, that’s what he wanted to be.

…

He pressed one of the buttons, game booting up.

An eerie soundtrack started to trickle out of unseen speakers, shaking the salesman to his core.

Text appeared on the screen, shadowed over but still readable:

MANTLE

Chapter Text

Spamton felt his grip tighten on the controller as he pressed the start button, the screen’s glow being the only thing illuminating the room.

He watches the starting area load in with an ear screeching beep, causing him to flinch before catching sight of a small version of himself appearing on the screen.

Joyful music started to seep out of the speakers as he leaned further into the screen.

With the limited amount of pixels he was still able to tell his player character was so obviously him, who programmed Spamton into their video game hidden within some unsettling secret room? It was weird. Did this game have any other people in it too or just… him?

As he loaded in he started to finagle with the directional buttons, he never really played much video games but he got the basics down at least. He watched himself run around in circles in the environment, it was some kind of odd desert place. It felt otherworldly just to see this other him on the screen.

His player character walked into the next room, finding 4… enemies? It was kind of hard to tell what they were, some ambiguous shapes that resembled a person but just vague enough that it could look like anything. They were in 4 different colors, blue, pink, yellow and orange.

He grimaced looking at them, they were familiar alright, he didn’t want to dwell on them.

His character walked off into another zone, completely avoiding the enemies just in case they were malicious.

The salesman flinched as he saw the enemies follow him into the next area, trailing behind as if they unofficially joined his party.

He rolled his eyes, at least they weren’t hurting him? They’re presence was… unpleasant however, unwelcome even! They didn’t even ask to join!

As he walked through each room he noticed little patches of grass on the floor. He blinked as he watched two of his ‘party members’ split off from the pack, pulling the grass out of the ground and gaining some POINTs, as indicated by the number on the top of the screen increasing.

Spamton’s eyes sparkled for a moment as he realised that he can do more than just walk around aimlessly, it seems like these guys were guiding him in some kind of way! Maybe they weren’t malicious after all.

His ‘little him’ walked toward one of the grass tufts, pressing A in an attempt to pull it up.

…

Nothing happened.

He pressed B.

…

Nothing happened.

He walked around in circles.

…

Nothing happened!

One of his party members walked up to the salesman and pulled the grass tuft for him, rewarding all of them 10 POINTs.

Well… it shouldn’t matter, they were all helping each other right?

The salesman sighed to himself as he mindlessly walked from room to room, watching the others collect the grass tufts and POINTs in the area. It was almost like they were getting more enjoyment from the game than he was, ridiculous because they’re not even real! Just… annoying little programs.

He shouldn’t be mad, they were helping him anyways, that POINTs counter would be at a slick… zero, without them.

They all walked behind each other so intimately, as if they were some kind of close knit group, in an odd way it was comforting despite them feeling like privileged pests at times, he’s just glad he isn’t doing this alone.

They were his allies in a sense, maybe with time they would grow on him.

With them around he almost forgot he was playing this creepy video game alone in some abandoned room.

With them around it felt like nothing could hurt him.

Strength comes in numbers after all.

That’s why most things were a packaged deal!

…

Eventually Spamton happened upon an item on the floor, some kind of… croissant thing?

His character walked toward it curiously, picking up the item as sparkles and stars emitted from the croissant. A happy jingle played as his character held the item in his hands.

A text box appeared on the screen, saying:

“SPAMTON GOT THE POWER CROISSANT”

“HE CAN NOW PICK UP POTS AND WEEDS.”

The wording made the salesman tilt his head a little, Spamton got the power croissant, he can now pick up pots and weeds. No yous , not you got the power croissant. It was worded as if there could be other people who could play too, but he was probably looking too into it-

But… how did it even know his name?

He felt a little excited as he eagerly walked toward a weed on the ground, pressing A to find that in fact, he could pick up weeds! Earning his crew a few POINTs thanks to his endeavors.

His body relaxed, he felt useful now, he finally had something to do besides watch the NPCs have fun!

He triumphantly walked toward every weed he could find, pulling them up from the ground to reward himself some more POINTs. It felt good, insanely good. He was starting to realise why people liked these video game things so much.

Each room was just desert after desert, littered with weeds and the occasional cactus. The visuals were boring sure, but the feeling of clicking buttons and getting rewarded was all Spamton could think about right now. What was he even doing here again? It didn’t matter.

The other NPCs trailed behind him as usual, not leaving their little conga line now that Spamton could provide for himself.

The numbers just kept going up, and up, the feeling was crazy addicting. Almost pathetic that he was enamored by something so simple, but he was winning wasn’t he? The point of the game was to win.

As he entered the next room, he heard some kind of odd high pitched jingle come from the screen. When he looked back at his party, he noticed that he was a member short. The pink one was entirely gone.

Spamton walked back to the previous area, only to find that their pink teammate wasn’t there. They just… disappeared between the room transition.

Not only that… the music completely halted, the only ambience being the sounds of… waves crashing?

The salesman felt himself shivering, walking nervously toward the next room, suddenly feeling a little less powerful in this moment.

He passed through a few rooms before another NPC disappeared, the orange one. Spamton walked back again to see if they had just… gotten lost.

Again, he found nothing. 

The salesman gulped as he just continued to walk through each area, taking his sweet time to pick up weeds to delay any other of his members leaving. It was just… the three of them against the world, right?

The next room he entered, another one disappeared. The yellow one.

One left.

He couldn’t tell what was happening to them, were they glitching out? Were they taken away? Did they get lost?

Did they leave him on purpose?

Now that he thought about it, there was no use for them now that he had his own way of picking weeds but…

He didn’t want to go through this alone.

Without them around he would suddenly be more aware of his creepy situation.

Alone in a dark and secluded room, playing an unsettling video game.

He muttered under his breath, as if he were praying.

“Please stay.”

He said it so quietly, there was no way anyone could hear, but as he looked up, it almost seemed like the NPC noticed, their sprite scooched closer to Spamton.

The salesman took hesitant steps, teeth clenched as he trekked on.

One room.

Two rooms.

Three rooms.

As he entered the next room… he saw it, the blue sprite vanishing as his player character stepped foot on the sand, the environment growing noticeably darker.

…

…He… didn’t need them anyways.

They probably had their reasons for leaving, maybe they were just… tutorial characters! Now that Spamton had his own supply he didn’t need them anymore. Yeah, that was right.

He hesitantly walked through each room, mindlessly plucking each weed. Almost feeling like an automatic action at this point.

He didn’t think, he just pressed buttons. Buttons. Buttons. Buttons…

There wasn’t anything to worry about.

Nothing.

Room by room, each getting a shade darker, darker, darker.

Dark.

So dark.

The air started to grow cold around him, as if it were an uncomfortable winter’s day. 

It almost felt like it was darker than dark.

…

The screen grew so dark, it was barely illuminating the room anymore.

With each step, it felt like each button press grew meaningless as he ambled around the labyrinth.

He couldn’t even make out where he was, where was the desert from before? The weeds? Everything’s just… darkness.

All he could think was… where am I?

He was lost…

He was scared.

Yet he trekked on, because what else was he supposed to do? Get scolded by Tenna? He’d pass on that any day.

Eventually, he walked into a certain room, still shrouded in darkness.

Then he saw it: stray, white pixels.

He perked up, finally something brighter! Was this… a guiding light?

He couldn’t exactly tell what they were, maybe it was…

Snow?

Salt?

Some other white substance…?

As he walked into the next room, the pixels were starting to form a trail, guiding him to… somewhere, he didn’t really know where.

At least he had some guidance, right?

Guidance, that’s what he needed.

…

Wasn’t that what he was trying to escape?

He shook his head, no, no, no. Nothing mattered right now.

He just wanted to win this game.

The trail continued, it grew, the pixels grew more bright and obvious.

Soon enough, he walked into a room, blocked by a giant email shaped door.

He nervously approaches it, pressing A as the envelope opened and faded away, revealing more darkness in its wake.

Inside the room lived a sword, the only bright thing in the room besides Spamton himself.

He slowly drew closer to the sword, the blade flying into his sprite’s hands as a happy jingle played. However, there was no message informing him of what he obtained… his player character just… had a sword now.

The salesman experimentally pressed A, jumping as the sword shot out of his sprite with an almost sickening beep, breaking through the silence.

The existence of a weapon implied there would be enemies to fight, which didn’t exactly bode well with Spamton, he wasn’t the best at video games, but he’ll try.

At least he’ll have something to do now that the weeds are gone.

As he walked through the room his heart stuttered as he swore he saw a face in the dark, turning back around only to be met with nothing.

He was probably just seeing things.

After all, that’s what the dark does…

He held the directional buttons as he continued to amble, that white trial now gone after he had acquired the sword. He was back to just cluelessly walking around, hoping he’d find something else.

He spotted a white cloaked enemy, walking around aimlessly just like he was.

He approached it, hand hovering over the A button in case it proved itself hostile.

As he closed the gap between the two of them the enemy suddenly glitched out of existence as if it were never there in the first place.

This game must’ve been real buggy if all the other characters just… disappeared around him.

He lets out a shaky sigh, with each room he spotted more enemies of varying colors and appearances.

Each time he would approach them they would disappear before he got the chance to do anything, as if they were running away, slipping away from his hands.

Were they scared? Now knowing that he had a weapon?

As he trekked the area, a room finally led him to a big green and yellow door adorned with stars, eerily similar to the one in Tenna’s green room…

He had almost forgotten he was in TV World right now, the game had him so sucked in he thought he was somewhere completely new and unknown.

Was this game… something Tenna made? Did he know about this?

Why would there be a sprite of Spamton in it otherwise?

He walked up to the door, noticing a big keyhole in the middle.

“THE STAR DOOR IS LOCKED.”

“Wow, I couldn't have guessed.” Spamton muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes as he walked to the right of it, maybe if he wandered a little more he would find that key.

Soon enough, he walked into a room that actually resembled a room! It was made of dull and dark pink bricks, containing an item to the left of the room, it looked like some kind of blue orb…?

Underneath was white text displaying the numbers: 1998.

He froze as he spotted that NPC that followed him at the beginning! The pink one, standing right there in the middle.

Is this where they went?!

“YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE LONELY.”

“COULD I INTEREST YOU IN      .“

A text box appeared, presumably the pink sprite was speaking, however… It seemed like they weren’t able to finish their sentence.

Spamton looked back at the item in the room, his head put two and two together and realised he was currently in a shop.

He walked over to the orb, making an attempt to buy the item.

“YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH POINTS.”

His eyes drifted over to the top of the screen, seeing now he has only: 1997 POINTs, the current year, and…

He looked back at the price again.

ONE off from what he needed.

He groaned in frustration, slapping a hand over his face.

“Are you kidding me?!”

He walked over to the shopkeeper again, letting out a disappointed sigh.

“What are you even selling anyways?”

He clicks A to interact with the NPC, only to find that his sword shot out of his player character, causing the shopkeeper to be pushed against the wall.

Spamton jumped hearing that harsh beep come out of the screen again. 

“YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH POINTS.” The shopkeeper said on the screen, Spamton’s grip growing tighter on the controller.

He took a step closer to the shopkeeper, debating on pressing that little button again.

They were practically cornered.

It didn’t matter if he hurt it, right?

It wasn’t real, just a sprite in a video game.

Just press A.

…

The screen turned pitch black for a few moments, completely shrouding the salesman in darkness.

He could feel his heart racing, his hands shaking as the screen flickered back on in an unsettling manner.

…

Both the shopkeeper and the item they were selling was gone, all that remained was Spamton himself and some text on the screen.

“YOU GOT THE SHOPKEEPER.”

His gaze shifted toward his inventory, spotting the POWER CROISSANT he had collected earlier and…

The shopkeeper’s sprite, overlaid with a harsh, almost eyestraining blue.

Well… he had got what he had been looking for.

No, no… what was he even looking for?

A key for the door, that’s what he needed.

This… wasn’t a key.

Right…?

There was only one way to find out.

He backtracked to where he had come from, finally leaving that… disturbing room.

At least that shopkeeper couldn’t talk to him like this.

The door slid back into view, just waiting to be opened.

He approached the entrance, clicking his action key as text slowly appeared on the screen.

“THE STAR DOOR IS LOCKED.”

“USE THE SHOPKEEPER?”

With an inkling of hesitance, Spamton clicked A. It was the only button he could press really, despite asking a question, the game didn’t prompt him for options.

“...”

“THE SHOPKEEPER WAS USED UP.”

An odd pling played through the console as the door disappeared, leaving a hole for Spamton to walk through.

He glanced back at his inventory, only to notice that…

The shopkeeper was gone.

He sucked a breath through his teeth, he didn’t… kill them… right?

They just… went somewhere else.

Maybe they weren’t even a person, maybe they were meant to be an item.

Something for him to use.

Yeah, it sounded about right.

He hesitated to walk in, only to find that his sprite seemed to have entered the door by itself- or, did he just press a button without realising?

He wasn’t very sure about what was going on anymore.

He lost that clarity as soon as he picked up the controller.

As his player character entered the room he saw… a familiar face, or well- familiar back as he caught sight of a tall pink NPC with antennae on the top of their head facing the wall. It was most certainly Tenna.

As soon as he came to that conclusion, Tenna spoke, text appearing on the screen.

“OH… SPAMTON.”

“SPAMTON. SPAMTON. SPAMTON.”

“WHERE COULD HE POSSIBLY HAVE GONE?”

“...”

Spamton raised a brow, was this actually Tenna or just something programmed into the game? He wouldn’t put it past him to insert himself into a video game like this.

The sprite teleported away. Spamton walked forward only to see that he had only warped just slightly out of view, catching up with him again.

“AT LEAST I HAVE SOME ALONE TIME IN HERE.”

“I WONDER… HOW YOU GOT HERE...”

“WITH SHOW SKILLS LIKE THAT! HA… HA…”

“REALLY, IT WAS A MIRACLE, I’VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE PERFORM SO…”

He clenched his teeth, squeezing the controller in embarrassment. He suddenly remembered why he was here now. He got so lost in the game that he forgot about the humiliation he experienced on stage.

The sprite warped away again, Spamton catching up to him yet again.

“...AND YET, YOU’RE STILL AS BIG AS EVER.”

“HOW? HOW DID YOU DO IT?”

“HOW DO YOU HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT?”

“DID YOU… REALLY DO ALL OF THAT YOURSELF…?”

Spamton felt a pang in his heart as he saw Tenna question the legitimacy of his fame, gripping his controller in frustration as he pressed A next to him, progressing the dialogue.

“OH, SPAM! FANCY SEEING YOU HERE!”

“HA… HAHA… HOW DID YOU GET HERE?”

“IT’S ALL HUNKYDORY, I PROMISE.”

He almost growled as he approached Tenna, that two faced buffoon- talking behind his back. He thought he wouldn’t see, huh? Well jokes on him, he was right here, and he was going to do anything to-

Out of instinct Spamton hit the A button, his sword shooting out and obliterating Tenna’s sprite, a sickening screech escaping the screen as his heart stopped.

His eyes widened, hands shaking as he processed what he had done.

He just killed Tenna, right then and there.

Out of sheer panic he pulls on the controller hard , ripping it out of the console, causing the screen to turn an eyepiercing blue as if it were begging to be plugged in again.

He threw it across the room with a clatter, panting heavily as he shied away from the screen, since when was he breathing so hard…?

His heart stutters as he hears a footstep behind him, immediately clenching his fists prepared for a brawl.

He whips around staring at whatever was behind him with wild eyes.

…It was Ramb, barely illuminated by the bright blue light of the screen.

“Y-You…!” The salesman stammered out.

With a shaky hand he pointed at the controller against the wall.

“W-whatever you do… D-DON’T t-touch that thing!”

He takes a frightened step forward, looking at Ramb in the socket.

“I-It’s… CREEPY- It- it gets under your skin!”

He pushes past him, almost screaming. “GET AWAY FROM IT! GET AWAY!”

…And he ran, to where he had come from, crazed footsteps slowly fading as he ran back to his room.

…

“I’m sorry, luv.”

“But I can’t listen to you.”

Chapter Text

A cheering crowd could be heard in the distance, the sound of a stagelight turning on echoed around the salesman as he opened his eyes once again.

The cheering became more clear as the lights started to flood in, illuminating a stage for a rock band.

The puppet reached for his glasses which were on his face again, between the channel switches Tenna must’ve redressed him, what even happened during the channel transition…? Actually he didn’t want to remember.

He slicked back his hair, now styled wilder and featuring a white streak within. His hands travelled down to his chest as he pulled on the lapels of a jacket he was now wearing. The pink and purple split design along with the yellow triangle on his chest… almost resembled…

“Here we have it, folks! The grand return of Lightner’s Live-”

He coughs into his hand as a bulldozer flies across the sky, driven by a Shadowguy as it completely demolishes the sign with a stock explosion.

A new sign gently floats down on little angel wings as it replaces the old one, big bold text on the wooden board displays: ‘Diatonic Darkners!’

“-Under a REBRAND: A guitar riff plays out of him as he says the band’s name. He hits a jig briefly, just beaming with excitement, though Spamton could tell looking at him that it wasn’t genuine.

“Hahaha! Don’t you just love rebrands? It’s like old stuff- but BETTER! But COOLER, but way less ! A laugh track plays at his supposed ‘joke’. The television host smiles through grit teeth however, each second going by he grows more and more desperate to keep the attention on the stage.

“Tonight’s performance will feature no other than…” He puts his hands on his nose as he pretends he’s playing it like a trumpet, muttering ‘bum bada ba-ba-ba~!’ and all.

Pink and yellow stage lights flicker onto the both of them, confetti blasting from seemingly nowhere to celebrate their appearance.

“The King of Only! Aaaaand…!”

He pointed toward Spamton as if there was a cue he was supposed to follow.

“[[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]].” He spat out, readjusting his jacket as he faced the audience.

“Thaaaat’s right! Spam on the guitar, me on the vocals, we’re singin’ a fan favorite- and the only song with lyrics on the board! Raise up your-”

Spamton whipped his head around, blinking at the television host. “I DON’T EVEN KNOW [[Guitar lessons]]! WHY DON’T I G3T THE [Mic Spam]?! [Mic Spam]TON.”

Tenna snickers as he waves him off. “Oh, you’ll get the hang of it! You are a Big Shot aren’t you?”

The salesman’s face turns red as a train whistle noise escapes his mouth. “WHY I OUGHTA-”

He coughs up a smaller Spamton from his mouth which crawls up Tenna’s leg like some terrifyingly deft bug.

“Ack!!! What the ” He yelped, trying to kick the creature off before it dug into his pants pocket, pulling out a little piece of paper between his teeth.

The little Spamton jumps up next to the original, the salesman snagging it from the smaller clone.

“LET'S SEE WHAT W3 HAVE [[Here and now]]!” He unfolds the little square of paper as Tenna points accusingly at him.

“H-hey! You can't just do that! That's a backstage secret ONLY!”

Spamton smirked as he read through the piece of paper, “WH4T? YOU ALWAYS SEEMED SO [Joyful] TO B3 [[Alone Together]] BACKSTAGE.”

Tenna sputtered as those words left his mouth, a hiss of steam escaping his joints. “W-well- you don’t have the backstage pass now s-so give back those lyrics!”

The salesman shook his head as Tenna reached out. “I TH1NK THESE [Words] COULD USE A [Touch] FR0M THE [Spamton Method]!”

Spamton coughed up… some kind of sludge on the page, resulting in the piece of paper glitching out strangely, the words twisting and distorting to something in line with Spamton’s vision.

“???????????” Tenna looked on in disgust as the salesman pointed toward the sky.

“[Mike], H1T THE LIGHTS!!!” The television host's voice was replayed through him once again, making said host shiver uncomfortably. He never really asked Spamton about the speech thing did he?

“You can't start the show! We don't even got a designated jack of drums!” Tenna waved his hands desperately as he pointed over to a seemingly empty drum set in the darkness. However, as a stage light clicked on it revealed…

“M-Mr. Generosity?!” Tenna exclaimed as the familiar playing card Darkner spun at the mention of his false name.

“Yup! That’s me!” He picks up the little drumsticks in his hands, throwing them in the air and failing to catch them.

“Though, my name actually starts with an L! Mr. Lancerosity!” He giggles as he picks up the drumsticks again, resting them on the drums.

“Mr. Larceny?! No, we can’t have such a controversial figure in our band! Mike! Put him behind ” He points at the little boy, wagging his finger at him.

The salesman piped up, waving his arms about. “YOU CAN’T LET SUCH A [[Poor Innocent Boy]] G0 INTO THE [Slammer]!!!”

Spamton turns to the camera, squinting. “ESPECI4LLY NOT WHEN THERE’S A [Killer Clown]!”

“Yeah! What the funky fella said! I’m good, I promise! I’ve been practicing since… right now!”

The toothpaste boy points at the ceiling, smiling as he holds drumsticks in hand. “Micheal! Do your thing!”

Tenna stills, teeth gritting as he slowly turned to face the card Darkner. “You can’t. ADDRESS HIM LIKE-”

The speakers fire up as music starts to spew out of them, as if trying to stop Tenna from absolutely losing it at a child.

“[[Pull the strings]], P4RTNER! Y0UR [Cue]!” Tenna blinked, looking down to suddenly find an electric guitar in his hands- oh, he hated when Mike would play cruel tricks like this- why was HE listening to THOSE GUYS and not HIM?!

The music flowed out, the sound of electric guitar filling the stage as the television host’s hands rested on the strings of his instrument, awaiting his cue.

Spamton cleared his throat as he held the lyrics up, twirling the microphone in his hand as he readied his vocal cords for the new and [Spamton Improved] rendition of Raise Up Your Bat.

“WHEN YOUR [Friends] ARE ALWAYS [[Lying]]”

“AND THE SUN JUST [Burns] YOUR EYES”

“RAISE UP A [Deal], GO ON AND [Buy]!!!”

“WHEN YOUR [Sales!] ARE SLOWLY [[Dropping]]“

“AND YOUR [Home] LOST ALL ITS [Rights]“

“RAISE UP A [Deal], GO GET THAT [Prize]!“

“LET’S KNOCK ‘EM [Dead] UNTIL THEY [[Cry]]“

Spamton bangs his head to the music, rocking out as Lancer behind him just hits the drums randomly to the beat, his tunes being drowned out by the backing track.

Tenna plays the guitar surprisingly well, watching Kris just hit all those notes so perfectly made it feel like that skill was transferred to him for a moment. He could imagine it, their fingers flying across the strings as they tilted their head back and forth, sweat forming on their face, eyes unfocused as if they were in a trance. Almost as if their movements were not their own. Tenna always paid special attention to Kris during his games and boards… Their mannerisms felt unusual this time around.

The TV show host perked up as the music’s tone alters, sounding akin to a lullaby, the tune feeling… nostalgic almost.

“COME ON AND [Plead] AND YOU WILL [See]“

“WHAT IT ALL MEANT TO [Me]“

“THE [Nights] WE [[Drank away]]“

“CAUSE WITHOUT ME YOU CANNOT [See]“

“WHAT IT ALL WAS TO [Me]“

“THE [Nights] WE [[Drank away]], [To the day]“

“AND WHEN YOUR HANDS ARE FULL OF [Thorns]“

“THE [[Black Blade]] YOU HAD WORN“

“THE [Knights] WE [cried] AWAY“

“AND WHEN I’M [Gazing] AT THE [[Screen]]“

“ALL MY [[Words]] MAKE IT [Scream]“

“THE [Knights] WE [cried] AWAY, [To the day]“

Tenna glanced at Spamton as he spoke out each lyric, interjections plaguing his speech yet complimenting his vocals as if he had control over them for just a moment. The TV show host hesitated as he missed a few notes, almost entranced by Spamton’s odd mannerisms, they were always somewhat reminiscent of himself, but just different enough to be unique and charming in his own Spamton-y way.

As he tried to pay attention to what the mailman was actually saying, he felt his body stiffen… Was Spamton trying to tell him something…? Who else could he be referring to in these lyrics? The weird stuff he spat onto the page wasn’t just word salad… right?

The music picked up again, bringing back the chorus as Spamton sang with as much passion as he could, despite his notes being off key here and there.

“WHEN YOUR [Friends] ARE SLOWLY [[Dying]]“

“AND THE SUN IS [$!$?]ING HOT!“

“RAISE UP A [Deal], GO ON AND [Rot]!!!“

“WHEN YOUR [Sales!] ARE ALWAYS [[Dropping]]“

“AND THE [Trash Heap]’S ALL YOU GOT!“

“RAISE UP A [Deal], BE A [[Big Shot]]!“

“LET’S KNOCK ‘EM [Dead] UNTIL THEY’RE [[Bought]]!!!“

The tunes finally wrapped up, Spamton huffing and panting as he finished up his musical number, throat strained from all the singing.

Lancer giggled as threw the drumsticks into the air, the tools blowing up into a stock explosion as Tenna looked on, expression deep in thought.

“HA-! HOW’S THAT FOR AN [[All Star Performance]]!”

The audience cheered as Spamton exclaimed, the salesman bowing as the television clenched his fist, dropping the guitar onto the stage.

The mailman turns to smirk at the CRT, following suit and dropping the mic in a dramatic manner. “HAHEAHAHA!!! Y0U SHOULD JUST LET ME [[Host]] TH3 SHOW [All day, Every day]. R4TING’S ARE HIGHER WHEN I’M [Pulling the Strings].”

He cackles to himself, mocking the television host as the other is mere seconds away from snapping.

Who was he to think he can just take over Tenna’s show?! This was all he had! Did he think he could just assume control of it all? Tenna was trying to help him- and he paid him back like this?

He huffs out, thinking it’s about time to show Spamton who really is in charge.

Tenna takes a step forward, the entire stage shaking under his wake. “Have you forgotten, Spamton?”

He takes another step, the stage shaking once again, causing Spamton’s half petrified body to topple over.

“There’s a reason why you’re not on set anymore.”

The salesman looks up at the CRT, blinking as he swore that he just grew… bigger.

“I was willing to give you a chance! Ha, we were having so much fun!” Tenna’s smile grew twisted, sides of his mouth distorting to resemble fangs.

“Smiling… laughing… screaming…”

“C’mon, admit it, you had fun!”

“Just like old times…” He clasped his hands together, laughing bitterly.

“But… You think you can just steal the spotlight from the star of the show…?”

“You know why we stopped, don’t you?”

Spamton shuffles away, dragging his petrified legs across the ground with a sickening screech.

“I’ll help you… remember.”

He stomped a foot right next to the salesman, towering above him, shadowcasting along his face.

“I think you’ve forgotten who is in CONTROL here!” Tenna snaps his fingers as the whole stage is drowned in black, the world thrusted into darkness.

…

…

Spamton ran out of the nearest door he could find, not caring where it led, he just wanted out of there .

He pushed through the door, finding the backstage. A few Shadowguys gave him an odd look, the Weather Duo standing beside them, also sharing the same confused expression.

Laniño spoke up, fiddling with the weather stick in his hand. “Is everything alright, Mr. Spamton…?”

The salesman breathed heavily, leaning against the door frame as he collected his thoughts.

“Ah… i-it’s nothing.”

He tilts his head up, getting a better view of the Weather Duo’s concerned expressions.

The Big Shot clears his throat, speaking up again. “D-do you happen to know where Tenna is…? I need to speak to him about something.”

The two glanced at each other before they both pointed their sticks at the door behind them. “He went that-a way, in the Green Room.”

Spamton nodded and started to amble out of the room, mumbling a thank you before being stopped in his tracks by a weather stick hooking his suit back.

“Just a fair warning… He doesn’t seem to be at his… sunniest, right now.” Laniño stated.

Elniña followed up, sighing. “You know how he is when he’s moody…”

Spamton almost scoffed, freeing himself from the Weather Duo’s grasp. “Pfft, I can handle him. Don’t you worry about a Big Shot like me.”

The salesman pushed past the doors, letting out an exasperated sigh as he walked over to the Green Room, his heart still racing from the encounter earlier. He was going to be perfectly fine, it was just a game! Why was he nervous? Why did he let it under his skin?

Maybe he was pathetic, pathetic for letting such a simple thing get to him.

He shook his head, hearing the gentle music of the Green Room fill his mind as he turned over to see Tenna sitting alone at the bar.

His screen was downturned, antennae drooping as he just sat there, uncharacteristically quiet.

Spamton could only wonder what’s got him so down… unless…

He saw…

No, he couldn’t have. It was all a game!

Clear your mind! It’s just a stupid little simulation for children, Spamton.

The salesman approached the other, taking a seat next to the TV show host.

Tenna tilted his head toward him as he felt his presence, almost jumping as he recognized who it was. “S-Spamton! B-Buddy! Fancy seeing you here!”

He scrambled to look presentable, leaning against the bar table as if he were trying to look cool .

Spamton shot him a tired smirk, chuckling. “What’re you doing here all alone on a late night?”

Tenna’s expression faltered slightly, turning a little more… annoyed. “I could ask you the same thing, bub! I thought I left you in your room but you went to who knows where!”

The other waved him off, “Gee, you’re talkin’ to me like a kid. I just needed to uh… take the edge off, I went out for a smoke.”

The TV show host’s screen morphed to form a raised brow, obviously not buying his excuse. “What did I tell you about smoking here!?”

“I went outside to smoke, I’m not a heathen, Ant. Why do you think I took so long to come back? I… wandered for a bit.” The Big Shot rolled his eyes, fiddling with his tie. The banter made him forget a little about what happened but he couldn’t help but feel it in the back of his mind.

Spamton cleared his throat, looking Tenna in the screen again. “Were you just planning to mope here after you gave up your search for me?”

The television host’s antennae shot up defensively, hands almost slapping the table. “I was NOT going to MOPE! I just… needed to chat with Ramb… and maybe get a drink or two.” He mumbles the last part out, pressing his fingers together nervously.

Spamton stilled at the mention of his name, hand gripping his tie tightly.

Tenna continued, seeming to have not noticed Spamton’s nervous display. He slicked back his antennae as he spoke, “It’s been a long day- I was worrying about you, y’know. You gotta communicate with me when you’re running off somewhere, that’s what being business partners is all about!”

The salesman let out a breath he had been holding, steadying his hands on the table, his expression brightening up as he got an idea.

“We’re more than just business partners, Ant.”

The TV show host paused, heart catching in his chest as he muttered out a confused “What?”

“We’re friends, obviously. If you need some booze in you, I’ve got you covered!” Spamton points proudly to himself as a puff of steam came out of Tenna’s joints, the TV show host pulling on his collar to air it all out.

“R-Right, of course-!”

Spamton grinned at him, taking note of his flustered expression. “I’ve got my own supply, and you won’t have to pay a penny for it. We can go down to the new room you got me. Y’know, get real acquainted with it before I establish it as mine.”

Tenna’s screen morphed to resemble widened eyes as he pointed at himself and then to Spamton repeatedly. “Me? You? Drinking in your room… alone? Don’t you think that’s a little unprofession-”

The TV show host’s concern was immediately cut short by a playful tug on his tie, the salesman pulling him closer and looking at him in the screen. “What did I just say, big guy?”

“W-We’re friends, obviously.” He stuttered out. The other smirked at his almost uncertain words.

Spamton clicked his tongue, “That means we can both take the edge off! I take it we both need it. C’mon, I’ve got the finest battery acid money can buy.”

The Big Shot hopped off his chair, letting go of Tenna before motioning him to follow.

“Right now?” The CRT questioned, hesitantly stepping off his stool.

“Yeah, right now. Are you going to make me wait or what?” The salesman looked up at the other expectantly, tapping his foot.

“R-Right away, Spam!” Tenna did an almost cartoony salute, earning a chuckle from the salesman.

“Just… make sure to tell me where you’re going next time…!”

“Wouldn’t want to lose you again, haha.” Tenna laughed nervously to himself as Spamton patted his leg in reassurance.

“Like hell I’m gonna run away from a fun time like this. Quit having your antennae in a twist and just be in the now, okay?”

The TV show host looked down at him, a smile creeping on his face.

“Okay.”

…

…

Lights flickered on, revealing an angry red stage. As Spamton looked forward he watched as the audience was engulfed in flames, looking unrecognizable as he tried to step back, only to remember he was half petrified.

“WHAT KIND OF [Tomfoolery] IS THIS?!” He looked around at his surroundings, seeing he was behind another pedestal with a few buttons on its surface.

“Come on, Spammy… don’t you recognize it?”

Tenna slid onto the stage, snapping his fingers as the screen behind them glowed red. Revealing the Doom Board from when Kris and the other heroes were playing his games.

“It’s the questionnaire! You should remember this!”

He slid in closer, his smile strained.

“After all… it was the game where you got your first handful of points.”

He clasped his hands together, reminiscing, albeit with his teeth grit manically. “Swatchling! Swatchling! You yelled out so confidently.”

“Wasn’t that just grand?”

Spamton shot him a dirty look, unsure of what to really say. “I DON’T REM3MBER IT GOING [Quite like this].”

The TV show host’s fist clenched as he cleared his throat and held out a cue card in front of him, backing away so the screen is visible to the audience, despite there being an audience of one.

“H-ha! Enough with the chit-chat, let’s get some questions rolling!”

“Let’s see if you’re caught up with ’S trivia!”

The quiz jingled played through the stage as text appeared on the screen, just how it did all those years ago.

“Don’t you just love TV?”

> OF COURSE

> I’M SORRY

> I’LL NEVER RUN AWAY AGAIN

> I LOVE TV

Spamton almost scoffed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“[What do you think this is]?” He kept his hands away from the pedestal, only further angering the other.

“My. Show.” Tenna answered through grit teeth, cue card creasing in his grasp.

“And in my show, I ask the questions.”

The timer at the bottom of the screen fully depletes, the CRT shaking at the empty bar.

✅ OF COURSE

✅ I’M SORRY

✅ I’LL NEVER RUN AWAY AGAIN

✅ I LOVE TV

“Looks like we ran out of TIME!”

The TV show host pointed up excitedly, a bolt of lightning heading straight for Spamton at his command.

-30

The salesman hacked and coughed, feeling himself sizzle as he recovered from the damage.

“ARE YOU TRYING TO [[Killed]] ME?!”

Tenna ignored his question, hiding his hands behind his back innocently, “What a shame, you always used to cherish your time with me, Spamton.”

“This next one… you’re BOUND to know, haha!”

He pointed at the board, the next question displaying itself on the screen.

“Why was Spamton and Tenna’s TV Time cancelled?”

> SPAMTON LEFT

> SPAMTON LEFT

> SPAMTON LEFT

> SPAMTON LEFT

Spamton’s smile faltered for once, hand reaching over to the buttons on the pedestal.

Tenna smirked. He was following, he was obeying, he was the smaller one for once- not just physically, but dynamic-wise.

The salesman’s icon danced across the screen, raking over all the same options before settling on the third one, knowing full well that if he stalled he was going to be struck with lightning again.

✅ SPAMTON LEFT

✅ SPAMTON LEFT

> ✅ SPAMTON LEFT

✅ SPAMTON LEFT

A correct ding played out of the pedestal, Spamton’s icon morphing into a green checkmark.

“Yes, you know it well, don’t you?”

“It’s always in the back of my mind.”

“I bet it’s there in yours too.”

The television glanced over to gauge the salesman’s expression, only to see that he turned away from him, almost as if he didn’t want to look at the host.

Despite that, he raised his voice, bringing up another cue card. “This next one is a doozy, folks!”

The screen fired up again, another question gracing the board.

“Why did you LEAVE?”

> I’M EVIL

> I’M SELFISH

> I’M TWISTED

> THE PHONE

Tenna leans over again to get a better look at Spamton, his expression almost falling as he sees the Big Shot’s glasses glaze over in static in real time. 

The puppet’s hands reach over to the controls, slowly picking the last option available, his icon next to ‘THE PHONE.’

✅ I’M EVIL

✅ I’M SELFISH

✅ I’M TWISTED

> ✅ THE PHONE

A correct ding rings out as the salesman stays completely silent, watching as Tenna’s screen grows black for a moment.

“...”

“Right, right.”

“You’re so right, Spamton.”

“I saw it with my very own nonexistent eyes.”

He thought back to when it happened, seeing Spamton dart out of his room like his life depended on it after picking up the phone.

Leaving the receiver right there hanging, ripe for the taking.

Why?

Why didn’t it do anything?

Why did he pick it up…?

“You’re so right.” He whispered through grit teeth.

He balled up his fists, fully crumpling his cue cards as he felt his gloves become claws, he couldn’t take it anymore.

Without his announcement, the next question sprung up onto the screen, the burning white text was starting to get painful to look at.

“How much time do you have left before you PETRIFY?”

> UNTIL MIDNIGHT

> UNTIL FRIDAY

> UNTIL NEXT YEAR

> UNTIL I LEAVE YOU

“...” Spamton stays quiet, mouth shut ever since the last question.

He silently selects ‘UNTIL NEXT YEAR’, knowing full well what Tenna wanted him to pick, but he didn’t want to give him that satisfaction now.

❌ UNTIL MIDNIGHT

❌ UNTIL FRIDAY

> ❌ UNTIL NEXT YEAR

✅ UNTIL I LEAVE YOU

An ‘X’ appears next to Spamton’s answer as he braces himself for impact, shrinking down into himself.

“WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!”

Another bolt of lightning drops down on Spamton, electrocuting him for more damage.

-30

He sucked a breath through his teeth, not making a sound as he was struck.

“Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand?!”

“Maybe in this next question… you’ll get it.”

He folds his hands together, plastering a fake smile on his screen as he motioned for the next question to air on the screen.

“Who will save you now?”

> ME

> ME

> ME

> ME

Spamton’s eyes raked over all the options- or well, lack of options… reluctantly picking the third option. There wasn’t anything he could do now. He could barely move or fight back, for once Tenna had him wrapped around his finger like a painfully tight ring.

✅ ME

✅ ME

> ✅ ME

✅ ME

A correct ding rung through the stage, it felt almost pathetic, drowned out by the rising tension in the both of them.

“That’s… EXACTLY right, Spamton.”

“You… You need me.” The phrase felt so heavy coming out of his mouth, like it was going to suffocate the both of them with the weight it carried.

“You don’t want to admit it but you need it, don’t you?”

“You need TV.”

“The screen that makes you scream.”

“The only trash heap you have left with you…”

“I remember those nights, Spamton. Don’t think I wasn’t listening to every word you said back there.”

“I remember it.” He spoke, his head turned away from his camera, his back facing the audience as he parroted the lyrics Spamton had written during the music segment of the show.

“I’ve seen Darkners petrify before.”

“I’ve seen it happen in my very own theater.”

“It happens almost in an instant, from flesh to stone.”

“But not you.” He turned around, his screen displaying a twisted grin as faced the salesman, shaking in pure excitement and derangement.

“This whole time you’ve been with me, the stone hasn’t grown an inch.”

“Do you know what that is?” He drew closer to the salesman, sliding across the floor as he spoke.

“I know why that is.”

“NO.” Spamton simply refuted, catching Tenna off guard.

“What?” He stopped in his tracks, simply looking on at the salesman in befuddlement.

“[[Wrong as Wrain]]!” The puppet’s glasses returned to their usual color, the static fading as that unnerving grin had also made a comeback. His tone was sing-songy, mocking.

“Y-you can’t just say wrong ! You can’t fool me, Spam-” Tenna’s confidence quickly started to crumble- h-he wasn’t just going to let a few little words get to him!

“I know, I know it in my SOUL that you need-”

“[I don’t need you].” Spamton spoke directly, his voice sounding normal for just a few moments.

“I NEVER [Needed] A [[CRTs]]! I [Came so far] WITHOUT YOU!”

“LO0K AT M3 NOW! I DON’T NEED YOU TO MAKE [[Hyperlink Blocked]]! I’M MAK1NG SO MUCH [[Hyperlink Blocked]] BY MYSELF!”

“YOU ARE [Nothing] T0 ME.”

Tenna stared, absorbing what Spamton had said to him before shrinking down, head turned toward the floor.

“You really think so…?” His voice was quiet, pathetic, he sounded like a kicked puppy.

“I [[Know]] SO.” Spamton said with confidence, his voice laced with venom he had been holding back since this whole fiasco started.

The TV show host shrunk further, to the point where he was the height of Kris.

“Y0U’RE A [[No-good]] [Idiot box].”

“YOU [Sucked] SO BAD TH3 [[World Wide Web]] PLANNED YOUR DEMISE.”

He became smaller with each insult, shrinking down to where he was shorter than Spamton.

“TH3Y WANTED Y0U TO [Die].”

The petrification of the salesman’s legs seemed to have faded away, allowing him to kick Tenna over to the ground and dig his heel into his chest.

“Y0U [Died].”

Tenna huffed out, becoming smaller under his heel, finding it more difficult to breathe.

“BUT I [Saved] Y0U. LIKE THE L1TTLE [[Angel]] I AM.”

Spamton couldn’t help but keep his foot on him. He felt so good, so [[Big]], so [In Control]. He saw right through Tenna, a con man knows how to spot a con. He knew that the TV show host was trying to 1-UP him, he knew the second he lost control of his games he would fall apart. He tried, tried so badly to guilt him, to make him feel guilty for the things that he did, but it didn’t work, no matter how bad those memories stung, Spamton knew not to get hung up on the past.

He’s never felt so [[Big]] in his life, nothing could compare to the feeling of having him in the palm of his hand.

The television host coughed out, squirming under his foot. “...W-why…?”

“HAEHAHAEHEAHA!!! WHY? [W-why…?]”

He laughed, he couldn’t stop laughing. Who was he to ask why?

When…

When…

“[Why]!”

The salesman faltered, the pressure of his foot easing up on Tenna’s chest as he trembled.

When he didn’t know why himself.

Or…

Did he just not want to admit why?

That there was the possibility that he…

Spamton was immediately shoved to the side as the TV show host below his heel suddenly grew to the size of a house, his gloved hand coming over to grip Spamton tightly.

“You really DO ” Tenna exclaimed excitedly, an insane lilt in his voice.

He clenches his hand tighter around the salesman, a little whine escaping him.

“You care so much- but you don’t want to admit it.”

“You want me- you need me here!”

Spamton grits his teeth, groaning. “SO WH4T IF I [Do]? SO WHAT IF I [Relax and enjoy] TH3 TIMES I GET TO [[Tower over]] AND [Verbally] [[@%$!]] YOU?!”

“S0 WHAT IF I LIKE TO F3EL [[Big]] WH3N YOU’RE [Pathetic and Squirming]?”

“IS TH4T SO [[WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!]]?”

Tenna holds him in both hands, hearing Spamton gasp and croak. “W-well it just makes me f-feel over the moon, Spammy!”

He grows slightly, now pressing Spamton against the wall with his giant form, his head knocking out the stagelight above him. “I s-share the sentiment in fact!”

“I’ve been having so much fun playing with you-”

“I don’t want to stop- I don’t want to lose control over our fun little game!”

“It just made me feel so… wanted. ”

“You tell me, is that so wrong?” Tenna spoke with a deranged grin, his question almost sounding like a plea.

“Y-Y0u’RE A [[Freak]].” The salesman choked out.

“So are you.” The TV show host spat out, hands trembling.

“[[What a perfect pair!]]” The puppets remark made the other chuckle bitterly, growing bigger once more, practically the size of the entire set.

“Y-you’re… right-” Before Tenna could continue he was cut off by the feeling of something wet falling on his nose.

Plink

“...?”

The two looked up to see a giant grey cloud above the set.

Plink, Plink, Plink, Plink

More rain started to dart down on the two of them as it completely soaked them, putting out the fires all around the doom board.

“We can’t take this dreary sight any longer!” Elniña’s voice cut through the tension, the rain ending as she finished.

A spotlight clicked and shone on Tenna and Spamton, the yellow glow highlighting both of them for the audience.

The TV show host stammered out, grip on Spamton loosening. “E-Elniña…? Mike…?”

Another spotlight flicked on, illuminating a crowd of Darkners who had been observing this fiasco the entire time. The Weather Duo, some Pippins, Zappers, Shadowguys, Shuttah, even other Darkners like Swatchlings, an Addison and Rudinns were watching too.

“A-An audience…?” Tenna shrunk down with all their eyes on him. Out of any of his breakdowns… this was one of the worst for the crowd to see.

An orange Addison in the crowd spoke up, eyes fixed on something on the set. “Your outburst was very hard to ignore, almost everyone in Castle Town heard it.”

“E-Everyone…?” Tenna shrinks down more, finally releasing Spamton from his grip and looking down at the ground.

He shrunk down to the size of the average person, antennae down turned in embarrassment.

The spotlights honed in on Tenna, another one flicking on to reveal Laniño in the crowd.

The weather man walked up to the TV show host, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. “Ha… It almost feels like things haven’t changed since TV World.”

“You always knew how to make the atmosphere so… interesting.” Laniño tilted his head, trying to get a better look of Tenna’s face, which had been completely blacked out.

“But you’re… what you’re doing is making everything so hot- it’s making everything erupt into flames!”

“ (Literally!) ” Elniña added behind him.

“We’re just… worried. We don’t want to watch another relationship crash and burn.”

“I think it’ll do everyone some good…”

“If you broadcasted something more… calm… and cool.”

“Don’t you agree, Elniña?”

The weather woman nodded as she shot Tenna a reassuring grin.

He squeezed his shoulder for comfort, almost feeling Tenna lean into the touch.

“You always know what to say, you two…”

“I remember why I made you my right and left hand guys…”

He shies away from Laniño’s hand, looking up. “Rising action is not the way, I realise now.”

“I know just how to get the therapy we need!” Tenna reaches over and grabs Spamton, holding him like he was some kind of puppy.

“[@!%$]!!! HEY!”

Tenna turns to the camera and whispers to it, loud enough for the audience to still hear. “ (Because clearly we need help .)”

“Now…”

The TV show host held up his hand as he spoke. “Therapy shall commence after these messages from our sponsors-”

Snap!

Chapter Text

Tenna spoke, voice uncharacteristically quiet and smooth. “Welcome everyone. Welcome to the first episode of the ”

Spamton perked up as he noticed he was sitting in a stool and facing a canvas, leaning over to see Tenna next to him with a similar set up.

He looks down at his palette, squinting. “THIS IS [[High Quality Acrylic Paints]].”

Tenna’s antennae shake akin to an eye twitch, turning to face Spamton. “Look I couldn’t think of a good title-”

“THE [[Pain]] Of [[Pain]]TING.” Spamton blankly suggested.

Tenna returned the blank look, “Not what it’s called.” 

The TV show host pointed at his canvas, picking up a brush. “This is supposed to be a soothing feature! No explosions or fire or burning Cowahunga-deros… Just me, you, and the canvas.”

He dips his brush into some yellow paint, hovering over his canvas. “They say art is therapeutic, that’s why they invented , my dear mailman!”

Spamton let out a sigh, shooting an unimpressed look at the CRT. “SO [[That’s]] WHAT [This is all about].”

“Correctamundo! A few years ago, I remember overhearing that the Dreemurrs were taking Kris to art therapy a b-bit before they unplugged me.” Tenna stuttered as he accidentally dragged a big line of yellow paint down his canvas.

“If it worked for Kris, it’s gotta work for me and you, right?!” He loses the calm edge to his voice as he grips his paintbrush.

“WHO [Says] [It’s working!]? Spamton shot him a smirk, grabbing his palette of colors.

Tenna almost gasped in offense, placing a hand on his chest dramatically. “Kris is a good kid! It has got to have helped them in some way!”

The salesman rolled his eyes. “WH4TEVER [Youse] SAY.”

Tenna grumbled quietly to himself, hoping Spamton didn’t hear his annoyance as he clapped his hands.

“Now before we get to spilling our out, let’s start with a little warm up! Get those brushes brushing with the special appearance of our model-”

A white flash appeared in front of them, interrupting Tenna’s sentence.

“Yours trulye!” The light fades out to reveal a dark blue Darkner with white hair and an… odd accent to say the least. He sat on a chair that just so happened to appear there, legs crossed as if he were trying to replicate the front cover of a magazine.

“Tis is I, Rouxls Kaard! Thy sexy modeleth for the present day!”

“Who are you?” Tenna questioned blankly, looking on at the Darkner in confusion.

“I…” The other’s eyes widened, that was the last thing he was expecting.

“Doth thee not remember me?”

“I wast thy second in command!”

“WHO DO YOU [Thunk] YOU ARE?” Spamton squinted at the Card Castle Darkner, causing him to hold a finger up to him.

“Silence, whelp! Thou art not involved in this.”

Spamton sputters, “I’M THE ONE WITH THE [Drawing utensil], [[Medieval closet]]!

Tenna crosses his arms and tilts his head, “Yeah, seriously, what do you think you’re doing?”

Rouxls blinked, motioning toward himself. “I’m onlye trying to provideth an appropriate modeleth for thy show!”

“YOU CAN’T BE AN [absolute hottie] WITHOUT A [[nose as deliciously long as]]!”

“Not only are you lacking a nose, you’re lacking an…” Tenna trailed off as he looked nervously at the camera.

“[[@$$]]!” Spamton unashamedly finished his sentence. The TV show host stared daggers into him.

“SPAMTON! The censors!” He waved his hand against his neck to mimic a saw.

“C’M0N! WE WERE ALL [Thinking about having a divorce?] IT!”

“WHO W0ULDn’T W4NT TO [[Rate out of 10]] A [Manly man’s] [[-?”

Tenna leans over and slaps a hand over his mouth, gritting his teeth. “Looks like we’re gonna have to bring back the channel folks! Let’s find a product that can clean out our dear mailman’s potty mouth!”

A laughtrack is heard as Spamton squirms in his grip, pleading. “NO, NO, NO, NO!!!”

“Ahem.”

The two turn their attention back on Rouxls who had awkwardly coughing into his mouth.

“Ah…”

“Well-”

“Er-”

“I-”

“Thou-”

“I shall beest going now!”

He slides off the set with a slide whistle accompanying the action, the other two looking in confusion and relief.

“Well now that’s over and done with we can finally-”

Rouxls slid back on set for a moment, holding out a piece of paper. “Ah… of course, I almost forgote.”

“If thee ever needeth a third then…”

“Call Rouxlsy-poo.” He slides away again, the piece of paper flying out of his hand and miraculously into Tenna’s hands.

The TV show host turned the paper in his hands, the paper containing a smudged phone number and a kiss on the side, making the host’s face shrivel a little in disgust.

“I uh… I don’t want this.”

He dropped it on the floor and kicked it under his stool, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, where’s our ACTUAL model?”

A voice pierced through the stage as another long nosed Darkner slid onto the stage, holding something behind their back.

“Well, have I got the offer for you!” A yellow Addison made their way onto the scene, that trademark Addison smile plastered on their face.

“...” Spamton stared for a moment, blinking at the Darkner in front of the two of them.

Tenna glanced between the two of them, clearing his throat. “If it’s not the model, I’m not buying it!”

“Don’t turn away yet! I have just the subject to grace that wonderful canvas with!”

The Addison pulls out a mannequin from behind their back, it was Ralsei’s mannequin from back when the Lightners recruited everyone in Cyber City, or at least that was when Spamton remembered it. He remembers watching Kris take a bite out of its clothes while the blue Addison just watched eagerly.

However, this mannequin was different. First of all it barely had any clothes, only having a dollar sign chain on. His eyes were drawn to its face… it looked like-

“WHY THE [@$!#] DO [You look like me]?!”

The Addison’s head whipped around to look at Spamton, eyes widening.

“IS THIS A [[Haha funny]]? A [Sick!] MOCK3RY??? 4RE YOU CALLING ME A [Mad Dummy]?!”

The former Big Shot’s face turns red as steam puffs out of his head. “[@$!#] YOU, MAN! [!@%$] YOU, MAN! [%$!$] YOU, MAN!”

“Y0U THINK YOU CAN 5HOW YOUR [Beautiful Face] IN [[Spamton G. Spamton’s]] [Establishment] AS IF NOTH1NG [Went down, down, down]???”

Tenna cleared his throat as Spamton cussed the other salesman out, “I think what our dear old mailman is trying to say is…”

The TV show host points toward the exit. “Get out.”

The Addison glances toward the exit, stuttering on the spot. “W-Well- but I-”

Their gaze drifted between Spamton, then Tenna, then the mannequin next to them.

“Well I have deals to handle somewhere else…!”

They slid toward the exit, mannequin in hand as they stopped a few feet in front of it. “Ha… ha…!”

They glanced at Tenna panickedly, quickling ambling toward him. “But one last thing…”

Spamton glared at the Addison as they leaned in close to the CRT, whispering something to him as they finally made their leave.

“Buy! Buy! Haha…!”

Tenna gave the Addison a small nod as he quickly switched back into ‘show host mode’ plastering a wobbly grin on his face.

“No more wait! No more delay! No more filler!

“Y’know what? We don’t need a warm up! Let’s get straight into the 

Tenna picks up his brush, scooping up a glob of yellow paint and slapping it on the canvas. “How about we start by painting how we feel about each other?”

“That IS how this works, right?” Tenna glanced at nobody as his question remained unanswered.

“W0RKS FOR ME!” The salesman quickly returned to his usual demeanor, laughing off whatever anger he had before.

He forgot how bad it was for whatever was going on with those Ads…

Tenna cleared his throat to break the ice and the tension around them, bouncing his leg as he stared at his canvas. “So how has your life been?”

“HM?”

“Y-Y’know. We haven’t seen each other in years! I haven’t had the chance to really get caught up with you.”

Spamton’s head jerked over, his jaw hanging open as he laughed. “W4NTING TO Kn0W THE [What’s HIS secret] OF [[#1 Rated Salesman 1997]]? [Wow!] YOU HAV3n’T CHANGED AT ALL!”

Tenna looked to the side, expression a little sour. “And from the looks of it, you’ve changed plenty! I just want to know all that’s happened!”

“W3LL, I’V3 HAD SUCH AN EVENTFUL [Redacted] YEAR5, I DON’t THINK I COULD [[File compress]] IT INTO [1000 Words or less].”

“You can say however much you want, Spam! This is my show, and I get to decide how long it goes.”

Tenna grins, leaning in close to the other. “The audience is  to know!”

The TV show host impatiently bounced his leg more, he had to find some way to figure out what happened to Spamton, after he just- he…! He just needed to know! What made him look so freakish? What made him speak like that? What made him just so…

So…

Different…?

“W3LL I CAn’T [Upset] A [Hungry and Ravenous] AUD1ENCE, CAN I?”

Spamton looked over at his canvas, picking up some black paint and laying out the background for his piece. “F1NE, I’LL TELL Y0U MY [Sob Story], BuT D0N’T SAY I DIDN”T [Warn] YOU!”

He kicked his legs as he painted, clearing his throat as he set the scene. “[200X], [[#1 Rated Salesman 1997]] ST4RTING UP HIS [Solo Gig] AFT3R MAKING IT BACK TO [[The Big City]].

That year… That was around the time Spamton had completely flaked on Tenna, leaving him behind! Was he just going to skim over that? Was he starting his story as soon as he left?

“[Starting up anew] BECAU5E THE [Royalty] DEEMED ME [Yucky], SO Y’kN0W WHAT I SAID? [[PLEASE, NO! I CAN MAKE IT UP TO YOU PLEASE-]] [@$!#] YOU, [Mamacita]! I C@N DO THIS [All on my own], [[@$!#]] [Gaming PCs] AND [#$@!] [[Easels]]! I DOn’T NEED YOU!”

The TV show host jumped at his interjections, all sounding desperate, violent, hateful… he couldn’t really make sense of what he was saying- he cussed some people out? Was he talking about the Queen and her servants? What happened between them? He wanted to ask but the salesman kept going on and on.

“I W4S WALKING ON THE ROAD OF [[Independence]], [Trash Heap]! I DIDN’T NEED A [Mansion] WH3N I C0ULD GO TO [Big Shot Autos] 4LL OVER [Again]!”

Spamton paused, stilling as he stared at his canvas for a moment. “[Where are my cars?]”

Tenna blinked at the statement.

His mind drifted back to all the burning Cungaderos.

He coughed awkwardly at the thought as the other suddenly erupted into erratic laughter, slapping his brush violently against the leg of the canvas. “[Beat the Devil out of it] [Beat the Devil out of it]- WH0 NE3DS THE [Old] STUFF ANYW4YS!?”

His brush was beaten violently against the canvas, creating angry lines along his picture. “[[It doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried]] [It doesn’t matter if]] I SP3ND THE R3ST OF MY DAYS [Sleeping] IN A [Garbage Can]! I’VE GOT [Big Big Big] THING5 AHEAD!”

Tenna’s expression grew thoughtful before his mouth morphed into an amused smile. “You’re still as dramatic as ever, Spammy.”

The television host let out a small chuckle as Spamton peeked from his canvas, tilting his head in confusion. Gee, he must’ve been exaggerating. Sleeping in the garbage? Like he was ever gonna believe that! He was well off and the two of them knew it well.

“Fun story though, hey, maybe when I uh… get everything back in place you can start writing scripts with me like we used to do!” He smiled as he leaned forward, even when in this wildly different state the little guy still had huge ideas, he really knew how to paint a visceral picture.

Spamton spoke up, “D0 YOU NOT-”

“Whuh?! You’ve already got forms and figures on your canvas!” Tenna interrupted, pointing over at his half done painting.

He sputtered in astonishment “How did?”

“What?!”

Spamton shook his head as he smirked, pushing his confusion aside for a chance to gloat. “IMPR3SSED? [[Our customers would agree!]].”

“I GUES5 YOU COULD SAY I [[-got an eye for these things]].”

Tenna paused at Spamton’s comment, the voice clip being a mirror of his own voice… ‘Where did he get that clip from?’ He thought to himself…

…

…

Tenna knocked on Spamton’s door, idly kicking his feet as he waited for an answer. Usually he would just barge into the Z-Rank room like he owned the place- because he did! But it seemed every time he had done so, Spamton nagged at him that he was up to something, or he walked into things that… he didn’t want to see.

He tugged on the sleeve of his suit as he heard the sound of the phone clicking off.

“You can come in.” Tenna heard from the other side, creaking the door open before making his grand entrance!

“Well howdy-doo, buckaroo! How's that ad draft going?” The television host’s expression immediately softened as he caught sight of Spamton sitting hunched over, his view completely glued to the many papers on his table, pencil in one hand and lit cigarette in the other. 

Tenna crossed his arms, shaking his head in disappointment. “What did I say about smoking , Spam?” He opens and closes his hand in a mocking ‘yapping’ action, head tilted to the side. “‘I’m not a heathen’” He said.”

Spamton rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself. “Oh don’t get so worked up, Ant.”

He extinguished the cigarette on an ashtray next to him, an ashtray that looked eerily similar to-

“M-ME?! WHERE did you get that?!” Tenna turned his head over to the ashtray that looked like him , his head on the side of the bowl, staring back with a wide grin.

“Your gift shop, adult section.” The salesman smirked at him, taking in the smell of smoke in his room.

The TV show host’s face turned a burning crimson in embarrassment, smoke immediately escaping his joints. Spamton burst into laughter, slapping his knee.

He turned away, holding his hand to his mouth. “That was a joke. I made those as a joke.”

“T-The whole section was a joke!” He waved his arms up defensively as Spamton couldn’t stop snickering.

“Hehaha! Well it was a hella good one! HAHA! You got me good you… you…”

“Freak! Haha-” Spamton huffed, trying to catch his breath before Tenna suddenly leaned in close, resting his hand on his desk as he towered over the salesman, almost as if he were pinning him down.

“You didn’t answer my first question, Spamton.” He looked at him sternly, his teeth sharp like a carnivorous animal.

“R-right! W-well take a look for yourself, partner.” The salesman gulped, his heart racing at their proximity.

Tenna tilted his head and peered over, the salesman almost pressed against his chest as he looked down at the papers on his desk.

The Big Shot shifted uncomfortably in his chair, repositioning himself so Tenna’s chest was resting on his back and not- his face.

It felt almost intimate how close they were to each other, feeling the rise and fall of Tenna’s chest as his nonexistent eyes scanned over Spamton’s drafts. Did he even notice what he was doing to him right now?

A smile crept onto the TV show host’s face, his screen growing warm as he looked over Spamton’s compositions.

“These are all great, Spam! Oh, I especially like this one.”

He pointed a gloved hand over to one, bringing it closer to the both of them.

It was a sketch of Spamton and Tenna, the television host and the salesman were on opposite ends of the poster, both with rotary phones in hand as the two were having a seemingly exciting conversation by how bright and big their smiles were, the conversation read back and forth from Spamton to Tenna, reading:

< [Hey, hey what’s that sound?]

[See those eyes, all around?] >

< [This could only mean-]

[Have you seen-] >

At the bottom of the poster it had big bright red letters stating: TV TIME!?

Spamton looks down at the paper fondly, holding the edge of the page “Haha, that one was one of my favorites too.”

The TV show host’s antennae twitched, slowly grabbing the paper out of his hand. “I can ask Shuttah for a photoshoot tomorrow. This is the stuff I like to see!”

The salesman tilted his head. “Really?”

“Of course! I mean, it’s only natural you’ve got an eye for these things.”

Tenna stood up properly, Spamton almost mourned the loss of the pressure against his back but he tried not to make it obvious. “...What do you mean by that?”

“Y’know because you’re an…” (An Addison) Tenna wanted to say, he knew those guys specialised in advertisement creation, it only made sense Spamton would be a natural at this stuff! But then he remembered walking into his room, finding that photo of all his ex-coworkers, throwing it in the garbage.

“...An amazing guy.” Tenna just settled on that, hoping Spamton wouldn’t question his slip up.

“Heh, you mean it?” The other smirked, his voice laced in a bit of irony, almost as if part of him didn’t believe him.

“Of course.”

…

…

“Y0U;RE QUIET. [Was it somethin’ I said?]”

Tenna shook his head, static lacing his screen for a moment as he finally zoned back in on what was happening. “Ah… no, no! I was just… focusing on my  piece of art!”

He turned his head back to his canvas, seeing that he had painted almost an entire sky, clouds, sun and all. It was messy, sure but… he didn’t remember painting that… did he really do all of that while he was zoning out mindlessly or… did something else paint that? Was there a string guiding his hand that went unnoticed?

The sun was in the direct middle of the canvas, what he had wanted to do originally was paint a big frowny face in the middle so he could show Spamton how sad he made him feel all these years! What was this sky stuff?

“W4Sn’T THIS SUPPOSED T0 BE [[Couples Therapy]]??? C’MON, [Eat your heart out]!”

Tenna sputtered, pointing his paintbrush accusingly at Spamton, “W-Why should I start?! You’re clearly the one causing the   here!”

The salesman stared in complete awe at the statement before… “HA! HAHAHAEHEA!!! HAHEAHEAEHAHAHAHEAH!!!!!!!!!”

The TV show host’s face grew warmer in embarrassment as he spoke up. “W-what’s so funny, huh?”

“ME? ME??? [[Moi]]?????? HAHAHEAHAHA!!!” His head glitched out from how hard he was laughing, textures sliding off and on his body as the sight gave Tenna a sickening feeling in his chest.

“I’M N0T THE ONE WH0 [[Powerwashed]] [Little Slimes] AGAINST THEIR [Will it blend?]”

“I’M NOT THE ON3 WHO [Lost] THEIR [Beloved]’S [[Commemorative Ring]].”

“I’M NOT TH3 ONE WHO [[Trapped]] [Poor innocent] [Crooked Salesmen] IN A GAMESHOW [Torture Labrynth]!!!” Spamton ranted, violently gesturing and glitching as Tenna felt a rage bubbling up in his chest.

“Y-you’re twisting my actions!”

“You always do this- you don’t understand everything I’m trying to do for you, even with all my life advice!”

“You looked like you crawled out of a dumpster, I had to clean you up for the cameras!” Spamton twitched at the wording, going unnoticed by the other.

“The second one was a little on me but it had no malice behind it! Genuine mistake! Genuine!!!”

“And…”

“I wanted to HELP you back there, don’t you see?”

“You’re no longer stone! I- I gave you a purpose with me, you’re still here, I can see you, I can hear you, I can…” 

He hesitantly reached a hand over to Spamton before retracting it.

“What would you do without me?” 

“I W0ULD BE IN KRIS’ [[-Wonderfully Spacious Pants Hole]]. I WOULD B3 HELPING THE [[Little Sponge]] REACH.”

“REACH.”

“THEY W0ULD FINALLY GET [[Hyperlink Blocked]].”

Tenna tilted his head at the wording, chalking it up to be the usual eccentric Spamton speech. “Pfft- W-why would the little guy need anything from you?”

“What do YOU know about them that I don’t?!”

Spamton looked back at him, speaking sternly, “Y0U DON’T KN0W THEM AT ALL.”

Tenna’s grip tightened on his brush, letting out a growl as he painted a violent stripe of black onto his canvas, completely cleaving the sun in the middle of the canvas diagonally. It created an upsetting picture. It felt like darkness was tainting the sky, trying to cover up the sun like an eclipse. Paint dripped to the bottom of the canvas, like an all consuming void.

The TV show host slumped over sadly, antennae drooping as he felt the shake of his hand.

“You don’t… know them the way I do.” He muttered out, sounding as if his heart were shattered into pieces.

Spamton silently stared, opening up his mouth to speak, his voice taking on a more genuine tone than mocking now. “YOU D0N’T KN0W [[Them]] THE WAY I D0, EITHER.”

Tenna asked suddenly, the question weighing on his mind for a while now. “Why do you treat me the way you do…?”

“I saved your LIFE, y’know?” 

“I D1D TOO, YOU’RE NOT [Specil].” The salesman crossed his arms, scoffing.

“Then…” The TV show host looked away, rubbing his own shoulder nervously.

“You never answered me back there… Why?”

“Why did you do it? Why did you save me?” Tenna’s voice shuddered as he asked, gripping his shoulder tighter.

“Y0U ALR3ADY SAID IT [back there…]. [[No free refills]].” The puppet parrotted his own voice back at him, also turning away from the other.

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Please.”

“Please tell me.” Tenna pleaded desperately, voice quiet and weak.

The puppet burst into laughter, voice mocking and full of static. “HEHAHAEHAEHAHA! Oh, [[You]]!!! M4KING ME PLAY INTO YOUR [Dirty Fantasies]. Y0U’RE AS [Needy] AS [Ever before]!”

“I D0N’t OW3 YOU AN [[Explaination]] OR ANYTHING.”

“I don’t like it when you lie, Spamton.” The television host spat out harshly, grumbling.

The salesman pointed to himself, tilting his head. “M3? LIE? I’M AN [[Honest man]]!”

“You owe me plenty!” Tenna erupted, standing up from his stool.

“You owe me drinks at the Green Room bar!” He gestured wildly, there were so many times back then, that salesman would always call drinks on him, almost every night. They fooled around so much, they tried so desperately to have fun while they could, they were so young and naive.

“You owe me 100 POINTs from that bet years ago!” They would always bet on the most minute of things, it was just a little fun between two friends, nothing crazy! Tenna would even ask the Pippins around to keep track of all the meaningless bets they would make.

“You. Owe. Me. A Contract.” Tenna growled out, holding out his claws toward him.

Spamton paused at the words, eyes fixed on Tenna’s sour expression as it almost felt like the world stopped moving.

His glasses glazed over in static as a buzzing started to fill his head.

Contract.

That contract.

…

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Spamton gripped the phone desperately in his hands, his hold so tight that the device trembled in his hand.

“Please… Please pick up…”

He heaves, dialing those familiar numbers again and again.

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Behind him he could hear the sound of furniture being hauled out of his room, everything that belonged to him, slipping through his fingers in an instant. No amount of begging could stop those [Easels] from taking away his belongings.

The salesman panted into the receiver, so out of breath from screaming at them, at those [Damned] [[Easels]].

“Please, no! Please don’t take my furniture!”

“This is all I have! Where will I go!?”

All his pleas fell on deaf ears, no one cared to pay attention to him, only doing what they were told, only doing what they were made to do.

They were just doing their job, it’s just that Spamton couldn’t do his anymore.

“I need it… I need it please…”

He held back a sob, his voice cracking as he kept holding the phone against his ear. Waiting. Waiting for him to pick up.

“Please Ant, please…”

“I… They won’t pick up…”

“You’re all I have left, please…”

He reached up to the rotary phone, dialing Tenna’s number, dialing the phone back in his room… he has got to pick up… he has got to…

“Ant…”

“We’re sorry, try your call later.”

Spamton grit his teeth. Reaching up to dial the number again, his heart racing, sweat dripping off his body like a waterfall.

“Please, Ant…”

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

“Don’t tell me…”

“We’re sorry, try your call later.”

His hand trembled, dialing the number slower just to get every single number right.

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

“Don’t tell me you…”

“We’re sorry, try your call later.”

“Don’t tell me you changed your number-”

An explosion of static erupted out of the receiver, completely shattering his ears as he felt the entire world press down upon him. He could barely breathe, he could barely hear anything through the crackle of the static, that horrendous [Garbage Noise] .

The puppet shakily pulled himself up, his movements feeling heavy as he left the receiver hanging from the phone.

He coughed, hacking up his lungs as he steadied himself against the desk that held his phone. His coughs eventually teetered into laughs, deranged and broken cackles.

“Ha…HAHAEHAEHA!!!”

“Y-YOU! Well aren’t you a [FUnny] GUY!?”

“WHAT A FUN [Prank]!”

“After… after everything we [Did] Together?” As Spamton spoke his voice became more riddled with static and glitches, interjections interrupting his speech. He didn’t know what was happening to his body but he didn’t care right now- he just needed to know if…

“W-What are you gonna do next? Sing your little [Wrong Number Song]??? HAHAHA!!!”

Spamton’s mouth clicked open like a tape being placed in a VHS player, a bitcrushed tune playing out of his maw. “[[Oh, it's the wrong number!]]”

“[The wrong number song!]”

“[[We're very very sorry that we got it wrong!]]”

“[[Oh, it's the wrong number!]]”

“[The wrong number song!]”

“[I’m] [[very very sorry that]] [YOU] [did] [Me] [[wrong!]]”

“HAHAEHAHEHA! Wasn’t that [FuNNY]???” He could feel his remaining sanity start to dwindle away, singing so manically into the receiver in a desperate attempt to be heard.

“Why aren’t you [Laughing]?!”

“PLEASE [Say something].”

“Please pick up the phone.”

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

The phone rang, without his input this time, he didn’t dial any numbers, it just started calling in response to his plea.

It’s like that device could hear him.

“We’re sorry, try your call later.”

“Y-You [Little Slime] You really DID [Changed] IT!” Spamton shouted into the receiver, his voice utterly destroyed by whatever he was saying.

“You just had to [Play] me with your [Fancy papers]!”

“Your [Disgustingly sweet] Talk!”

“Your [Hands] ON MY     !”

“YOU MAKE ME [Sick].”

“IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOUR [Dotted Line] THEY WOULDN’T HAVE.”

“THEY WOULDN’T HAVE.”

He slumped over at the stool, head downturned in defeat.

“It’s all your fault.”

“It should’ve been you.”

…

…

“S-Spamton?” Tenna called out in concern, watching as the puppet had sat there, not moving an inch for a few minutes.

The puppet erupted back to life, as if he were rebooting, voice as loud and broken as ever. “WELL GEE, [[Buddy ol’ pal]]! IF 1T WAS A [Drinked] YOU WANT, IT’5 A [Drinked] YOU’LL GET!”

“WH4T’d I TELL YA? [[If you need some booze in you, I’ve got you covered!]]” The salesman almost winced at the sound of his old voice leaking through, he glanced up as he noticed Tenna tense at the clip too.

“BUT [[First thing’s first]]! WE’VE G0T TO SH0W OFF OuR [This will be my Masterpiece!]”

Tenna sputtered, glancing over back at his piece. “But my-”

He looked over at it again, switching his attention from Spamton to his canvas. He stared at the giant streak of black on what was once the sky, the paint was still thick and wet, if he tried to paint over it it would be no use.

“ Ahem , well! How about we hop to it, and show off our wonderful artworks!” The CRT shook his head vigorously and switched back to ‘TV mode’, he was so sucked into everything that he forgot he was currently hosting a show! That never happens! He can’t be vulnerable for the world to see!

“Starting with the himself, since he’s so eager!” Tenna grins at him, pointing over at the salesman’s canvas.

“WHY [[Thanks You]] FOR TH3 [Spotlight Specil], 1’M REAL HONORED TO BE HERE WITH MY   !!”

The salesman eagerly spins his canvas around to face Tenna, the artistry made the TV show host’s jaw drop as he saw it.

It was beautifully rendered, how did he manage to make such a detailed piece in what…? Less than an hour?!

The canvas featured Spamton looking… unsettling. He was giant, almost looking completely unfamiliar, only things retained being his twisted smile, long nose and iconic hairdo, but everything else looked…

He could barely even describe it.

In the piece Spamton was big, a colorful mess towering over what looked like Tenna himself. Now that he looked at it more, Spamton almost looked like some kind of action figure, something from some kind of giant robot fighting show he used to air before he noticed Kris would turn up their nose to it like a pungent meal. It almost looked… beautiful, if it weren’t so… intimidating.

“Haha! Trying to compensate for your stature, huh?” He pointed to Spamton in the piece, a laugh track playing as the salesman simply scoffed.

“0H, It’5 SO MUCH MORE [[Than that]], [Trash Heap]!” The puppet grinned, looking so proud of what he had just made.

“Well, why don’t you tell our audience about the thought process behind this piece?”

“HAHAEHA! WELL, YOU TOLD [[Spamton G. Spamton]] TO P4INT [how we feel about each other?], S0 IT’S ALL ABOUT [Spamton and Tenna-]”

He points toward himself on the canvas. “TH1S HERE IS [#1 Rated Salesman] IN HIS [Ideal] [[Heaven Piercing]] [Hot and Sexy] B0DY.”

Tenna snickered at his wording, focusing more on Spamton’s face on the canvas. He looked… happy? But in a crazed and deranged sort of way. It was… disturbing to say the least. “Well, I got that!”

The salesman then directs his attention to another spot on the canvas, circling the little painted CRT cowering under him. “N0T ONLY THAT I’M [[B I G]], [[Bigger]] TH4N [Ever before!], [Bigger] THAN YOU.”

The TV show host’s expression faltered a little, still trying to keep up his smile despite it all. “IF TH3RE’S [1] THING I L0VE It’S [B I G]. 1 LOVE T0 FEEL [[Stronger Than You]], TO [Tease] Y0U, TO M4KE YOU [Wiggle like a worm].”

He caresses the canvas, paint still wet and staining his fingers. “IN 4N [Ideal World] Y0U WOULD’VE M3T ME LIKE [[This]].”

He looks at himself reflected in the paint almost reverently, not even paying attention to Tenna now, it felt as if he were talking to himself at this point and Tenna was just watching.

“AT MY [Best].”

The TV show host felt a small pang in his heart at the admission, at everything Spamton had said and done since they had reunited. In a weird and maybe twisted way… He liked the thought, he liked the thought of him being the reason Spamton felt so good about himself. He wonders what he would do if he shrunk himself just for…

He almost hit himself on the head for thinking that, how could he let his thoughts be so vile and filthy? How could he…

“I’m… glad to have met you at all.” The CRT admitted, words feeling heavy as they come out of his mouth.

Spamton stills for a moment, tearing his eyes off his painting and staring over at Tenna, mouth ajar.

The puppet didn’t really know what to say to that, he wasn’t expecting something like that to be said- something so… tender.

The paint on his fingers started to feel like grime, filth- he couldn’t take it, he didn’t know what to feel.

“ Ahem , anyways-” Tenna’s voice broke through the awkward tension, clearing just wanting to get the show on the road as his attention drifted over to his own canvas.

“What a… piece, folks! Hey, maybe after the show we could even negotiate a price for it, eh?”

The salesman immediately perked up at the mention of money, a little cash register sound effect playing out of him. “W0W! [Reaaaaally]? H0w [[Generos]] OF YOU!”

Tenna smirked, even like this he still brightened up at the mention of a fat stack, at his core he was still a crooked business man, just as he knew him.

“Can’t have beautiful art like this going to waste! Now, let’s get to the pièce de résistance, shall we?” His fingers raked over his own canvas, looking at it one more time as he thought about something to say about it.

The almost unsettling scene stared back at him, how could he describe his art when it wasn’t really… his. Well- he painted it of course, but none of it was intentional! He didn’t even know where all the sky imagery came from, it was just… some kind of unconscious thing he did- he couldn’t explain why that was there! Plus that big black mark in the middle just tied it all together and made it look so… grim.

Tenna cleared his throat again, spinning his canvas over for a looksie. “N-now I’m no professional like you so don’t make fun of me! I decided to take a more… abstract approach, y’know…?”

Spamton took a gander at Tenna’s painting, eyes widening as it wasn’t at all what he was expecting, he knew about the big streak of black because of his outburst but the sky underneath was… unexpected. It wasn’t anything masterful by any means but… it almost reminded him of the mural he made back home… the mural he made of…

[Heaven]

“I L1KE IT.” He stated, the words almost sounding unnatural, it wasn’t some kind of over the top funny statement- no adverts cutting through his speech, but it just felt… unfiltered. Genuine.

Tenna sputtered, taken aback at his response. “R-Really? I haven’t even gotten to say anything about it yet!”

“WELL, [Quit Dawdling] AND G3T INTO THE [MEAT AND POTATOES]! I’M [Curios], TH1S ISN’T LIK3 YOUR [Usual Works].”

The TV show host tilted his head in confusion, almost astonished. Spamton was interested in what he had to offer? He wasn’t going to run away? Wasn’t going to complain? Wasn’t going to argue with him as they drove into a wall? He actually… liked what they were doing right now? What year is it?! Maybe he was getting through to him…! Maybe the Weather Duo was onto something when they said he should air more calm shows, rising action was just not for Spamton it seemed.

But to soothe Spamton’s curiosity, looked back at his canvas, trying to analyse it and find meaning in the abstract pictures. Gosh, it felt like he was in therapy again- not shock therapy, no, no, no the other kind of therapy, the kind you’d always see on TV. He used to have sessions with Mike every once and a while to check up on his health, he’d always show him those ‘Inkblot tests’ and he’d always tell him: ‘Your results reveal you are a deeply disturbed individual’, whatever that meant.

Mike’s voice rang in his head. ‘Describe what you see, and how it makes you feel.’

“Well… The sun… in the background represents… how bright my life was, y’know? E-Especially taking you into account.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly, pointing to the remaining yellow on the canvas as he continued. “The sun is the biggest star out there, and hey, we were the biggest stars back then, eh?”

He tried to wink at him, despite the lack of eyes, Spamton tilted his head in amusement as Tenna kept going.

“It was warm back then, huddled and warmed by the screen’s glow, by the shine of the spotlight. It was just the two of us in the center stage and it was… brighter than I could ever describe.” His tone grew fond as he spoke, thinking about just staring directly into the sun, hot, fiery, it burned his eyes, but he couldn’t help but stare at the biggest star in the sky.

“But…” His gaze trailed over the big streak of black in the middle of the canvas, an exhausted huff escaping him.

“You… disappeared. Suddenly the brightest star in the sky was… covered up by the dark.”

He pressed a gloved hand against the canvas, dragging it down to the bottom of the painting, still white and untouched by paint. “Without the sunshine it’s… cold… my whole world was covered in snow without you, y’know…?”

His mind trailed back to when he was basically killed, feeling his body fall atop the freezing snow.

His expression fell as his breath started to feel cold.

…

“Y0U’RE A [Sap], YOU KNOW TH4T?”

Tenna tilted his head back up at Spamton, who had been looking back at him, his stare looking so unnaturally focused. The TV show host’s heart raced at his words, reaching up to nervously fiddle with his tie.

“I W4NT Y0U TO [Take my Offer]. [[We’ve all been itching for it!]], WHY d0N’T WE [Drink Myself To Death] LIKE [Old Times]?”

He holds his hand out for Tenna to take, his actions seeming more lucid… conscious.

“Ah… I don’t…” Drink anymore , he wanted to say. One of his last memories he had before he was unplugged was seeing Toriel drunk one night. He watched as she was slumped over on the couch and Kris had to place a blanket over her, a frown on their face the entire time. They were so young, they didn’t deserve that, they didn’t deserve to see any of that. If only they hadn’t unplugged him maybe… they could’ve had an escape- no, no, he couldn’t think that. It wasn’t their fault. They were just a kid.

After that he didn’t feel so comfortable around alcohol, what if he ended up upsetting someone too…?

…

Maybe he was too late, he already upset plenty…

…

If… If that’s the case then maybe…

“...I don’t mind.” He said, taking Spamton’s hand firmly in his.

He didn’t have much left to lose did he?

“It’s been a while since I drank but… I’ll make an exception here.”

“HAHA! R3ALLY?” The salesman grinned, squeezing the other’s hand eagerly.

“M4YBE YOU HAVE [Changed].”

Chapter Text

The two Darkners barge through the door of the Color Café, warm lights and music filling their senses as they stumble in, almost as if they were drunk already.

“[Drinks on me!]” Spamton yelled out, barely containing excitement coursing through him at the thought of drinking himself stupid after all these years. He’s been sober too long. Nobody really threw away their bottles of alcohol in the trash, he could never get his pick-me-up, he partially blamed that for being why he felt miserable some nights.

Spamton laughed to himself before Tenna put a finger to his mouth, shaking his head. “Oh no, no, no! I’m the guy with POINTs to spare, Spammy! Leave it all to me.”

The salesman shook his head, sputtering in utter offense. “WHAT KIND OF [Host] W0ULD I BE If I DIDn’T-” 

He paused, now thinking about it further. He couldn’t deny the sound of free booze was tantalizing to say the least, and hey, he could get as much as he wanted free of charge- for him anyway. He’d get to suck that CRT dry of all his [Cash money]!

The salesman crossed his arms, rolling his eyes behind his glasses. “FINE. [Your Win].”

Tenna grinned happily as he made it over to the bar, leaning over to the butler behind the table, who had been chatting with some Swatchlings before they arrived.

“How’s my  bartender going?” The TV show host mused enthusiastically, greeting the bird with the biggest smile he’s had since he came here. Okay, maybe he was a little excited to drink. After he pushed away his anxieties and remembered he was going drinking with a friend like they used to, he couldn’t help but feel ecstatic.

The butler turned around, raising an amused brow as they finished their conversation with their employees. “Ah, what happened to “Second favorite butler”,   Master Tenna?”

“Oh! Y’know… things came up, and the audience voted you as #1 Rated Bartender, of course! Lucky you!” An invisible audience started applauding as Tenna pointed at the butler.

The other patrons of the café looked over at the ruckus, on one of the tables sat a business of Addisons. They immediately took notice of the puppet beside Tenna, he looked too short to look over the bar, just like when they all used to go to…

The pink and blue Addisons immediately got up from their seats and headed outside for a breather. The orange one almost followed suit before the yellow one pulled them down, motioning toward the two new patrons. The remaining Addisons just buried their faces in their menus, whispering to each other.

Spamton tensed at their interaction, fighting back the urge to just step toward them and have a little chat. He remembers those two from his and Tenna’s little… dispute. What was the deal with them anyways?

Before he could make any moves he heard Swatch’s words break through his thoughts, his attention being brought back up the butler.

“You know you don’t have to butter me up, Master Tenna.” Their expression sours, their gaze falling down onto Spamton.

“I already know he’s there. You didn’t take my advice to heart, did you?” The salesman blinked at that, oh they were talking [!$@%] about him, weren’t they?! That two faced-

“Oooh! Come on, you can make an exception just this one time, right?” The CRT looked at the butler with desperation, hands itching to be clasped in plea.

“I already told you about the disturbances he caused and you still brought that-” The butler glanced at the puppet, the puppet’s expression almost vacant as he stared back. “-that person into our establishment.”

Spamton bristled at the wording. No, not vermin, not creature , not disturbance , but… a person .

“Alright, alright I get it. But you said he was kicked out and not banned , right?”

The butler huffed in frustration. “We’re not going to be playing these games. If you do not escort him out, I’ll have to kick you out too.”

Tenna clasped his hands as he begged, expression growing more desperate. “Please? C-C’mon! You’re the only one who could-”

Spamton hopped up on a stool, holding out his hand to shut Tenna up. “L3T [#1 Rated Salesman 1997] HANDLE THIS.”

The butler’s expression grew almost amused, raising a brow at the other. “So you are going to talk to me.”

The salesman almost snarled. “CUT THE [Crap], SW4TCH. LOOK.”

He gripped the table. “I W4S JUST TRYING TO [[Hide from the popo]] BEFORE, I D1Dn’T MEAN TO [Wreck the Place], HONEST!”

Tenna perked up as he remembered. Right. When he first recovered Spamton immediately ran away from him, to be honest he still didn’t know why he did all of that. He remembered finding him, curled up on the floor, glasses laced in static. He still wondered… What did he do?

“I W4S GOING [[Thru]] A [Hard Time], Y0U’D GET IT, RIGHT?”

The butler quietly groaned to themself as they were cut off by Spamton’s ramble again. “BUT TH4T’S BESID3S EVERYTHING. Y0U ST1LL [Owe] ME, D0N’T YOU?”

Swatch bristled at his words, their feathers puffing out. “...That was years ago.”

“YOU PR0M1SED.”

The butler sighed in defeat, shoulders slumping as they looked up at Spamton. Their stare almost… longing. “I take it you want your usual.”

Spamton shot them a prideful grin, knowing he won. “Y0U STILL [Rember]?”

“Of course I do.” Swatch turned their back, going over to fetch the two a bottle of battery acid. 

Something about their tone seemed melancholy almost. It wasn’t often there was much emotion behind the butler’s voice, aside from frustration whenever Spamton showed his face, trying to break into the mansion. He almost felt bad. Almost .

A red Swatchling wearing cat ears and a tail appeared behind the two, holding a clipboard in their hands.

“May I escort you two to a table? Tables 2 and 4 are free.” The two directed their attention to the other patrons. Spamton counted the tables in his head, looking for any number indicator. It seemed that table 1 was the one that had the Addisons- or well, what remained of the Addisons. The other two seemed to have not returned from wherever they had gone. Did they straight up leave…?

Whatever the case, that’d mean they’d only go to-

“The table farthest away from those colorful fellas over there!” Tenna motioned thoughtlessly to the Addison’s table, loud enough for most everyone to hear, including the ‘colorful fellas’ he was referring to.

The Swatchling’s feathers puffed out in embarrassment, feeling the awkwardness kicked in. The salesman dared to look back at table 1, seeing the yellow and orange Addison exchange similar ashamed looks before burying their faces back in their menus.

“Ah… table 4 I assume…?” The Swatchling spoke out.

“Oh, yes! That would be ” Tenna replied, looking somewhat proud of what he had done, completely oblivious to the awkwardness in the air.

Spamton appreciates the initiative taken… kinda. He could tell he did that so Spamton wasn’t uncomfortable around the Addisons but he could’ve gone about it way more gracefully.

The two are led to table 4, all the way in the back of the café- bar- whatever this place was.

They caught sight of a few Darkners performing on the little stage they had there. Spamton recognized everyone on stage. There was a Shadowguy playing the sax as they usually do, the Tasque Manager was on vocals, holding the mic stand firmly and swaying to the beat, he had to admit she was a steal for sure. In the middle were those little dancing robots he admittedly forgot the names of, one was on the drums and the one was singing next to him but the middle one was nowhere to be seen. He remembers when they denied him help to get him the [NEO] body, hearing whispers that he ‘smelled bad’ as he was leaving. The AUDACITY of these people!

Tenna on the other hand only really recognized the Shadowguy and Tasque Manager, having not met the robots in the middle to his knowledge. Music wasn’t really on the forefront of his mind when the Cyber City citizens would visit, especially since he already had all the Shadowguys he could want! But he couldn’t lie, the music here in this new town was nice.

The two settled down on their table, the CRT quickly made himself comfortable as he leaned forward.

“Y’know, I didn’t get the chance to properly dine here. This is a really swanky place! I mean it’s got booze, it’s got tunes, it’s got…”

He glances behind him, watching Swatch shuffle behind the counter with his cat café attire adorned.

“...Familiar faces with cat outfits! Just what the audience ordered, huh?”

Tenna smiled as the salesman returned the expression. “HAHAEHAHA! YOU [Bet your bottom] [[Dark Dollar]]. IT AIN’T NO [Color café, let us warm your day] BUT [[Easels]] ALWAYS KN3W HOW TO [Run over a] PLACE!”

The TV show host hummed, resting his head against his hand. “You and the Swatch guy. You really sweet talked them there, huh? What was up with that?”

Spamton tilted his head, not really expecting him to dwell on what happened back there. “OH, M3 AND [[Easels]]? WE GO [Way way way way way] BACK! BEF0RE I MET YOU!”

The television host’s antennae flicks curiously as he listens. “Well, I’d assume so! You both visited TV World at the same time, right?”

“[Correct!] I M3T ‘EM WHEN I [Moved right on in] TO QUEEN’S MANSION. TH3Y WERE THE [Little Butler] THERE AS Y0U KNOW.”

The little salesman bounced his leg as he spoke, reminiscing. “TH3Y WERE ONE OF MY ONLY [[Connections]] B3FORE I WENT ON AND MET [Youse], SINCE…” 

Spamton directed his gaze behind him, watching the two Addisons all the way at table 1 turn their heads away.

“ Those guys.” Tenna spoke out bitterly. He didn’t like when Spamton trailed off.

“-AND W3LL! WE’D [Free Chatrooms] WHENEVER I NEEDED A [Boost from the Juice!] AND Y’KNOW, WE G0T [Friendly].”

Tenna tilted his head. Feeling… something bubbling up inside him. “Friendly?”

Spamton completely ignored the other’s confusion, going on and on. “I W4S THEIR REGUL4R! AND YOU KN0W WHAT THEY SAID TO M3?”

“What?”

Spamton’s jaw clicked into place, like a tape being loaded into a cassette player. “[Come by any time, and I’ll have your usual ready for you, I promise.]” 

“S0ME PROM1SE THAT WAS! HAHA! TH3 [Last few years] I ST3PPED FOOT IN THAT [[God Forsaken]] PL4CE I WAS [Kicked to the curb]!”

Tenna’s expression fell, “What- why?”

“BEC4USE I GOT [Kicked to the curb] FROM THE [Mansion] REMEMBER!?”

The TV show host reeled back in surprise, wait- so he wasn’t joking about that during the art channel? How much of it was actually true then?

“TH3Y DIDN’T WANNA SEE MY [Beautiful Face] AGAIN! THEY D1DN’T WANNA [Association] WITH [Spamton G. Spamton] AnY   MORE! HAH4haEHAA! THEY EV3N [Unstyled] TH4T [[Mohawk]] I T0LD THEM TO GET [Years and years ago]!!!” Spamton laughed manically as he remembered it all, gripping the table as he rambled.

“Wait, wait- that was you?”

“IT W4S A [Joke]!!! A [Haha Funny]! BUT Y’Kn0W WHAT? TH3Y ACTUALLY [Dids] IT! 4ND THEY LOOKED [Sick as Hell] WITH IT! BUT AS S0ON AS I WAS [Out of the picture], IT L3FT TOO.”

“I 5EE HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT [Spamon G. Spamton] NOW! TH3Y NEVER [[Cared]], THEY NEVER [Answered my pleas] AND GAVE ME THE [Big Winner]! NO. TH3Y [Threw] [Me] OUT D4Y BY DAY. UNTIL I G0T [[Help]].”

“NO ONE [Cared]! NO ONE [Reached] NO ONE [Reached] NO ONE [Reached]NO ONE [Reached]NO ONE [Reached]-”

“Ahem.”

The butler cleared their throat, standing awkwardly at the two’s table, their body tense and nervous as they set down two glasses and a bottle of battery acid on their table. Spamton’s mouth shut with a click, stilling at Swatch’s sudden presence.

“Your. Drinks. Sirs.” They spoke hesitantly, it was the first time anyone in that café had heard them like that.

Spamton’s head slowly turned to Swatch with a creak. His stare full of repressed malice beind that smile. They could sense it.

“W-Why thank you, sir!” Tenna spat out, wanting to break the suffocating tension around them.

The butler bowed, walking away from the table with a shake in their step.

The salesman blinked, turning his head toward his drink, eyes drawn to his own reflection in the sickening green acid.

He couldn’t help but just… stare .

…

“Spamton?” The salesman jumped as he felt a hand be placed on his, tilting his head up to catch the view of Tenna staring back.

“Maybe you need this more than I do, haha! Let's look on the bright side of things, huh? To ”

The television host raised up his glass, tilting his head expectantly.

“...TO [New Beginnings].” The salesman clicked his glass against Tenna’s, taking a deep swig afterwards.

He huffed out, his breath trailing into a weak laugh. “[New Beginnings] AGAIN? W4S MY [Stage performance] NOT [[Satisfactory]], [Trash Heap]?”

The television host took a swig out of his own drink, waving the other off. “Oh no, no, no! It was- in fact! Haven’t had anything that dramatic on TV in… ever!”

He scratched the side of his head, smiling warmly. “Even if it was a… little rocky… it was nice to fool around with you like that again.”

“[Fool around], HUH?” Spamton raised a brow, downing his whole drink in a matter of seconds, reaching over for another fill.

“Woah- ho! Slow down, partner! You’re gonna get hammered in seconds!” He reached out, almost stopping him before he stopped midway, reaching for his own drink again.

“I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE [Point Prep].” The salesman responded bluntly, taking another swig.

Tenna’s face warms up, huffing. “Well, I still want you to last. You wanted us to drink like old times, didn’t you?”

Spamton shook his head, letting out a ‘tsk, tsk, tsk.’ “OH, [Cathode] WHAT’5 GOT YOU SO [[Wound up]]?”

The salesman reaches over to the television host, dragging a finger down his screen and the length of his nose. “TH1S IS WHEN [Business Partners] [[Loosen up]] AND SH4RE THEIR [Deepest, Darkest Secrets], Y0U’D KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT, WOULDN’T YOU?”

Tenna’s face grew even warmer at the touch, almost burning as he bit his lip. He had to admit, he knew being drunk would make him more honest, and he knew that in a situation like this, Spamton was more likely to share his little secret- but he didn’t know he was aware of that?! Unless, he was just pulling his leg- Maybe Spamton was getting woozy already and was just spouting nonsense. Heh, there was no way he could see through his facade back then!

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Tenna blurted. The exclamation just felt as if he dug a deeper hole for himself.

The salesman smirked. “RELAAAAaaa4X, [Trash Heap]!” He reached up and bopped Tenna’s head, eliciting a little ‘ow’ from the other.

Tenna’s face scrunched up, taking Spamton’s arm in his hand. “Gimmie a second, Spam! I’ll get to it!”

He swipes up his drink and downs the rest in one gulp, smacking it down on the table as if it were a proof of dominance.

“Eeugh…” He shivered. Yeah that did not feel good.

“HAHAHEAHAEHAhAHAA!!!” The salesman cackles, kicking his legs as he looked up at Tenna’s face. He looked like he just sucked a lemon.

“Th-this was your plan, wasn’t it? T-to embarrass me…?” He sucks through his teeth, feeling the sting of acid on his tongue.

“W-well it isn’t working! I’m totally ” The puppet perked up at that, grinning mischievously.

“ARE Y0U SURE? YOU LO0K PRETTY [Rosy Red].” 

He tried to ignore the feeling of his face growing hotter, at this rate you could fry an egg on his screen. “I-it’s just the alcohol.”

“IT’S BEEN [5 Minutes].”

“It’s been a while since I’ve drank!” He motioned wildly before a big puff of steam escaped the back of his neck.

“HAHEHAHAEHAHA! OH, HAV3 I [[Missed this]].” His smile turned more genuine at his outburst, swirling his drink in his hand before taking another sip.

The TV show host felt himself simmer down, more steam huffing out of him. “Do you now?” He asked curiously. It was the first time they had said something like that to each other. Of course there was plenty of reminiscing, but to hear out loud ‘I missed this.’ It… made him feel good.

“YOU M4KE ME [Laugh].” The salesman admitted.

“What else do you like about me?” The television host blurted without thinking.

Spamton had to hold back another fit of laughs, oh he was that desperate for validation, huh?

“YOU’R3 FUN TO [Toy with].” He admitted again.

Tenna spun his head around as if he were rolling his eyes. “Oh, I know extensively about that.”

“4ND WELL…” Spamton scratches the back of his head, gaze unfocused.

“I LIK3 [Walking and Talking] WITH YOU.” Tenna raised his head up at that, feeling a little stutter in his heart as he listened to Spamton’s admission.

The television host refills his drink, taking another sip. He thought back to all of the conversations he’s had with Spamton since their reunion. He wouldn’t say most of them were that… pleasant. Most of their conversations ended horribly, or laced with bitter feelings or just… strange.

His mind wandered back to way earlier, when he had first got into Castle Town. The image of Spamton curled up in the very ends of the town flash through his mind again… What would’ve happened to him if Tenna wasn’t here? What place did he have in this town? Well… he said himself he would be travelling with Kris but… Tenna was with Kris for most of their life and… they eventually… didn’t need him anymore.

His head bowed down in thought as he swirled his drink around idly.

…

Would he petrify?

…

“What you said back there…” Tenna spoke out loud. The salesman’s head sluggishly tilted up.

“HUH?”

“Back in my room. When we were on the couch.”

Spamton paused for a moment, jaw clicking into place.

“YOUR [[Pants Juice]]?”

“WH-WHAT? NO! NOT MY PANTS JUICE!” Tenna slapped a hand over his mouth as he exclaimed a little too loud . Some heads turn briefly, some snickers are heard among the patrons as Tenna’s face grows impossibly red from embarrassment.

He opens his mouth again. “I MEAN…”

“I mean… what you said about… the ring.” Tenna nervously picked at his fingers, thinking about when Spamton had placed it in his hands, thinking about how much it stung.

“...How you had… nothing without it…”

Spamton snickered at that, “HAHAH4HEAHEA! D0N’T G3T ALL [Angsty] ON ME, [[CRTs]]!”

“I-It’s not like that… I just wanted to ask you… f-for…” He shook his head, trying to arrange sentences in his noggin.

“I mean- I wanted to ask… about… finding a purpose… y’know?” Tenna grimaced as the salesman stilled for a moment, looking down at his drink. He wasn’t sure how many he drank at this point, he wasn’t counting.

“[Philospher] WE G0T HERE, HUH? WELL AiN’T YOU A [Smarty Pants]!”

Tenna leaned over the table, resting his hand on Spamton’s. “Don’t dodge the question, buckaroo… I’m for c-cereal here- for seriousness.” He slurred a little as he spoke, trying to put all his focus on Spamton.

“WHy’D Y0U [Asked] ALL THIS ANYWAYS?”

“B-because I was worried, okay?”

Spamton’s eyes widened at his admission, clicking his mouth shut.

“I made all those games for you- Well… at first for fun, but… I saw you petrifying, I needed to do something about it!”

“And it seemed like… the more games you played with me, the less you would petrify… it almost seemed like… you needed my presence.”

The puppet scoffed. “0H DoN’T TRY TO [[Sell!]] THAT ID3A AGAIN.”

“You’re still here aren’t you?” Tenna interjected, almost completely shutting Spamton up.

“...”

The salesman looked around, letting out a dazed hum. “LO0K, [Partner], [[Hyperlink Blocked]] I5 A [Rough and Tough] TH1NG TO GET.”

“EVERY M0MENT OF MY [Feeble little Life], IT [[Slipped]] THROUGH MY [Puppety] H4NDS.”

“I Ju5T THOUGHT 1 HAD TO [Work Hard, Play Hard] FOR 4LL THE [[Hyperlink Blocked]], BUT 3VEN AFTER [A Rise to fame], EVEN AFT3R [[Enlightenment From God]], EVEN AFTER TH3 [Gift] OF A [[Commemorative Ring]]...”

“1T DOE5N’T CHANGE THE [Fact] THAT [[No One]] WANT5 TO LOOK AT A [Spam Email].”

The television host looked down solemnly toward the mailman in front of him. He couldn’t help but notice how absolutely tired he looked under that grin.

It felt like Tenna was looking at a mirror.

A small… kind of ugly mirror-

Alright that was mean but…

“I... I don't have anything anyone wants to watch anymore…”

His own voice echoed in his head.

“I'm irrelevant... I'm junk…”

He couldn’t help but see himself in the little puppet.

“I don't wanna be thrown away…”

He could imagine it now, the little puppet shrinking itty bitty just like him when he’s upset.

Gosh, what could he do now? He couldn’t use his games to cheer him up, and the little guy already had alcohol in his system…

Maybe…

Think Tenna! Think!

…Wait…! That’s it!

“Maybe… maybe now no one wants to watch you- or uh… click on you, but…”

“...You have to have hope.”

The salesman lifted his head from the table slowly, not expecting the other’s response.

“[Hope]?” Spamton parroted back.

“Hope that… there will be more for you out there despite it all, I mean-” Tenna motions around him, lopsided smile on his face.

“I wasn’t expectin’ all of this, now was I? And I may have never gotten here if I didn’t have hope.”

“If I… didn’t have hope that you would… save me and all…”

“If there’s one thing Susie taught me it’s to… to keep goin’ because…”

“...T-There will always be somethin’ out there for me… and if I’m all… glooby about it… I’d miss moments like this. With you.” The television host looked up at the salesman, his gaze now drunken… almost reverent, almost adoring. It made the salesman’s heart flutter.

He chalked it up to just the booze making him act funny. “M4YBE [[Hope]] IS H0W YOU [Operate], BUT A [Greedy little thing] L1KE ME N3EDS SOMETHING A LITTLE [More] FR0M LIFE.”

Spamton reached a hand up to the ceiling, as if trying to touch the sky. “TH4T [Little Nipper] IN MY [Brain] 1S TELLING ME. [[I have to make a Difference]]. B3 MORE THAN JUST A [Lousy] EM4IL GUY.”

Tenna grimaced at the response, holding his drink loosely in his hand. “I think you’ve made plenty of differences.”

“At least to me you have…”

The TV show host reaches for Spamton’s raised hand, lowering it down back to the table. “But if you’re looking for more… I’d be happy to help you find it…”

“...And maybe when y-you do that I could also find… someone to watch me.”

He squeezes his hand, feeling the salesman still in his grip. “I can tell it’s… really important to youseeee…” He slurred, his heart feeling so full right at this moment. It felt good to finally be so… vulnerable right now.

“WHAT DID I S-SS4Y ABOUT [[Hands off the merchandise!]]?” Spamton blurted suddenly, his hand almost trembling in his hold.

The television host jumped at the reminder, quickly retracting his hand. “R-Right! Riiiight. Right.”

The puppet smirked. “[Touchy]? N0W, ARE WE?”

“Y-Yeah? So what?” The TV show host cartoonishly tugged on his own collar.

“Y0u ACT [Just like you did] [[Back in the day]].” The salesman’s smile grows, drumming his fingers against the table.

“ST1LL AS [Entertaining] AS EVER.”

Tenna grumbled, more steam emitting from his body. “D-Don’t tease me…”

He extended out a hand for the CRT. “I TH1nK IT’S MY TURN TO [Touch and Play].”

He does a little ‘come here’ motion with his hand. “G1VE A GUY SOME [Genorisity].”

The television host took his hand, feeling his heart pound loudly in his chest.

“S-Spam… I-”

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

Tenna’s words died in his throat as he heard… 

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

…The sound of a phone ringing.

“D-Do you hear that too…?”

The salesman tilted his head in confusion. “HEAR [What]?”

The CRT looked down at their joined hands, heart stopping as he noticed a neon green line connected to the back of his hand.

“Sssssph….” Tenna tried to utter out the other’s name but it only came out as an incomprehensible slur. He felt his head spinning as his surroundings were practically drowned in static.

“Ant…?”

The CRT tried to listen out for something but it was muffled by the sounds of static noise and-

Ring!

Ring!

Ring!

“Don’t you hear it? Don’t you hear the [[Hyperlink Blocked]]?”

The corners of his vision grew blurry as he let go of Spamton’s hand. His head was pounding as his body grew heavier.

His gaze was turned down, the world plagued in static darkness save for…

A manhole…? In the ground?

Tenna reached out curiously and touched it.

…

…

A controller fit snuggly between Tenna’s hands as he turned his attention to a screen in front of him.

Since when was he playing his ROM hack-? Uh- I mean- his original game!?

He looked around the room in confusion. It was so dark in here, he wondered where he even was.

How did he get here…?

He unconsciously presses a button, noticing that he wasn’t playing as himself, rather as… Spamton?

Not as Spamton was now, but as he was years ago… his sprite resembled his big shot days, bright red sprite standing out against the rather dull and dark backgrounds.

He thoughtlessly walked around the dark grid, the screen almost blank and empty until he reached an unlocked door.

It was a big green and yellow doorway, filled with pitch blackness inside.

He didn’t remember adding any of this to his ROM hack. Were these original features of Dragon Blazers 2? Why were these areas even accessible? He thought he disabled them when editing the code! W-well- when he had Mike edit the code- he was more of an ideas person and Mike worked out all the technical stuff. Gosh! He should’ve known there would’ve been an oversight- but it’s not like he had infinite amounts of playtesting time on his hands!

He mindlessly pressed buttons as he thought to himself, his attention immediately snapping onto the screen as he sees…

Himself.

He was standing in a long dark hallway, being stared at by Spamton who was just standing by the beginning of the room.

Were the controllers switched or something? Why was he playing as Spamton when his sprite was right there…?

…

There was only one controller plugged in. Sickening pink and yellow buttons stared back at him.

…

He walked up to himself, seeing the little sprite of his partner approach him carefully.

He clicked A to interact.

BEEP!

His heart dropped as a sword shot out of Spamton’s sprite, completely obliterating the other with a sickening screech.

Before Tenna could even process what happened the screen flashed blue before…

He was back in the beginning of the room, the sprite of Tenna standing in the middle as if nothing happened.

“Wh… What…?”

His fingers trembled as he stared at the screen blankly.

He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to stand up from his seat. It felt like some otherworldly force was keeping him there, telling him he needed to stay here.

His fingers pressed on the buttons again, attempting to get Spamton’s player character out of the room with him only to be completely trapped. The game does not let him beyond this singular hallway.

He sucked in a breath, hesitantly moving forward and approaching himself again.

The television host looks away from the screen, a bead of sweat rolling down his face as he pressed a button again. Hearing the same sickening shriek from the TV.

Killed. Again.

His head turned back to see he was back to square one, at the beginning of the room.

He pressed some buttons again.

Killed. Again.

He tried to move behind it.

Killed. Again.

…

Killed. Again.

Killed. Again.

Killed. Again.

Killed. Again.

He tried to let go of the controller, slowly pulling his hands away expecting it to clatter on the ground once he let go but found that…

It… stayed in place.

He yelped as he saw a pair of arms erupting from his chest and gripping the controller in his place, pressing the same buttons all over again.

Those arms were not his own, they were smaller, hands white and segmented like a puppet.

Before he could put two and two together he covered his mouth as he felt a tingle in his chest, glancing down to see something completely phasing through him as if he were a ghost.

The TV show host let out a heavy breath as the thing completely separated from him, its shape familiar as it let out an exasperated plea.

“There has to be another way…!”

“...Spamton…?” Tenna choked out, watching as the puppet held on desperately onto the controller. It was how he looked before, red suit, yellow tie, pretty eyes for the world to see, but his stare was frightened, scared, he had no idea what was going on.

The screen kept displaying Tenna’s sprite being obliterated, over and over like it was a tape constantly rewinding.

“There has to be more than one ending-”

Tenna could only watch in fear and confusion, shakily reaching his hand out.

“Please just tell me how to change it’s outcome-”

The television host’s hand made contact with Spamton’s back, the entire world around him jolting and distorting to the touch.

…

He stared back down on his hand, a cracked photograph of Spamton and the Addisons was in his grasp.

The sound of the manhole being lifted up made him jump, head jerking toward where the noise came from, breaking him away from his weird sense of deja vu.

Spamton kicked the piece of iron shut, his appearance disheveled and his gaze disturbed.

“Tenna…! You little slime! Have you ever learned about knocking?”

…

…

“[CAAAAAAAATHOOOOODEEE~]”

Tenna’s screen flicked on suddenly, gasping for air as the first thing that filled his vision was the sight of Spamton’s little pink and yellow shades looking back at him.

“0H [Look Who’s Finally Awake]!” Tenna shifted his body that was sprawled out on the floor, only to realise Spamton had been kneeling on top of him, his little puppet hands fisted into his suit.

“Wh- WH- SPAMTON!?” Tenna rose up from the ground, sitting up as the movement caused the other to completely roll off him and hit his head on the hard wood floor.

“[[OH THE PAIN]]!”

Tenna’s face burned red at the compromising position he was in before, sputtering as he tried to collect his thoughts. “Whudda-hubba- What HAPPENED?! Why was I like that-” He pointed at Spamton, “With you???”

He leaned into the salesman, shaking in panic. “We didn’t do anything , did we…?”

“WHAT?? [No]! UNL3SS YOU COUNT [Scary mumbling] WH1LE YOU’RE [[Passed Out]] AS [Freaky Deaky Business], THEN… [Yes]!”

Tenna scratched the top of his head. “I… passed out?”

“L1KE A [Rock]! G0OD THING IS… [[Everybody]] LEFT AS SOON AS YOU [Hit the Floor]! SO WE’V3 GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO [[Ourselves]]!”

A few Swatchlings turned their heads in befuddlement to the two on the floor.

“WELL, SAVE FOR A F3W [Big Birds].”

Tenna looked around. Indeed, the place was completely empty excluding the employees around. Gosh, they were going to get kicked out weren’t they?

“...You said I was… mmmumbling…?”

“OH YEAH, Y0U STARTED [Convulsing] AND [Begging] ON THE FLO0R LIKE: [[ PLEASE! HELP ME! IT BURNS!!! ]]”

“IT 5CARED [Everyone] AND THEY [Made their Merry way]! HAHAHEAHAHA!!”

The television host tried to stand up, only to drunkenly stumble back onto the salesman.

“CAAAAAR3FUL, [Cathode]!” He catches him, letting the giant guy lean on him as he rambled to himself.

“Whuh… this isn’t gonna look g-good for the audience…” He states, his tone loopy and tired.

“...L3T’S [[Take]] TH1S TO THE [[Green Room]], WHY [Do Not] WE?” Spamton suggested, his own steps growing a little shaky as he held onto the CRT.

“Wooord- as th-those kids say…” Tenna giggled, holding up a finger to accentuate his words.

“Hold on a moment, you two still need to pay.” Swatch stepped toward them, hands behind their back.

“O-Oh right right. I’ve uh… I’ve got th-the POINTs for you, pal!” Tenna shot them a finger gun as he leaned all of his weight onto Spamton, almost falling in the process.

“We don’t take POINTs.” The butler responded blankly.

“W-huh…?” 

“W-what kind of   doesn’t take POINTs?!?!?!” Tenna gestured drunkenly, his fangs showing as he exclaimed.

He jerked his head toward Spamton, then at Swatch, then at Spamton again.

“...”

“Spammy Mailman?” The television host stared at the salesman expectantly, the latter looking as if he had been caught committing a murder.

“...”

“M4KE A [[Run]] FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  The puppet shouted, his little legs becoming a blur as he dragged Tenna out of the place singlehandedly, a cartoonish sound effect following their movement.

“...”

“Maybe I should’ve stopped giving him chances…” The butler muttered out, exhausted, knowing they had to clean up what those two left behind.

…

…

After multiple failed attempts to make it up the stairs, the two stumbled past the door to Tenna’s room, now feeling the effects of the booze hit them full blast.

The two business partners collapsed onto the couch without a single thought, their bodies heavy against the piece of furniture as the excitement and thrill of everything that had occurred finally caught up to them.

One hell of a way to reunite with an old friend, huh?

Tenna unconsciously held Spamton against his chest, his body absolutely begging for rest as he mumbled to himself.

“...I’ve neverrr been poor befoorreee…”

The puppet chuckled, not having the energy to laugh as manically as he usually does.

“Y0U’LL GET [Used] TO IT.”

“[[Spend a Day]] IN MY SH0ES, WHY D0N’T YA…?”

The salesman’s laughter faded into the background as Tenna felt himself start to pass out once again, one final thought entering his mind.

What Spamton said…

For some reason… it felt like he already did.

Chapter Text

The CRT’s head was like a swirling vortex, aches and pains ringing around his noggin as his body felt as if it were floating helplessly in the ocean.

He felt weightless, yet heavy.

He felt numb, yet electric.

He felt himself drift onto land like he was being washed up on shore.

The TV show host’s screen weakly flickered on, bringing a hand up to his head as it pounded painfully.

His head turned to look behind him. His mouth hung as he caught sight of the view.

He was indeed washed up on shore, the sand a dull mauve, almost sickly as beyond he saw it.

A land like purple cliffs.

A frozen waste.

A watery basin.

And a metal desert beyond.

A world free of Tenna’s touch.

It was almost terrifying, like a terrible blast from the past, to see the world before he made it his home.

His antennae sprung up as he noticed two familiar silhouettes in the distance, quickly raising himself up from the sand, purple particles clinging onto his suit as he ambled over.

As he drew closer his expression contorted in confusion, the two people he saw, his very first employees… they looked off. Their forms were devoid of color, as if they were drained or part of an old time-y film. No, no, no! He was a CRT, he introduced colored entertainment to the world! Why were his second in commands dull and monochrome?

He approached them, tilting his head in befuddlement as he read their expressions. It was almost thoughtless, as if they were reverted to some kind of factory setting. Their smiles were unnatural, and their eyewear obscured any readable emotion behind their eyes.

Suddenly, Laniño spoke up, voice uncharacteristically cold and flat as he spoke. “Do you remember?”

“It was a long long time ago.”

“When our youngest eyes didn’t exist.”

“You asked us for the weather, right here.” The two of them pointed their sticks into the sky in tandem, their shared movements almost unsettling, it felt as if they were sharing the same mind.

“And we answered.”

“Dry.” Elniña stated.

“Barren.” Laniño finished.

The weather woman tilted her head up, on level with Tenna’s gaze, however it seemed like she was looking at nothing. “Only then did you color the land with such love.”

“Your grand expression.”

“To everyone, it was almost like you were a God.” Her tone was almost reverent as she fell into silence, the two now staring mindlessly at the sky, as if it were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Tenna shivered at the comment, something about it was downright uncomfortable. Of course he liked being looked up to but to that extent…? He was never allowed to cover those kinds of topics on TV, just in case something insensitive was shown, he knows how picky Toriel can be with the channels sometimes… Wouldn't want Kris and Asriel to go down a dark path! Ha ha… 

Ha…

He wanted to say something, but his throat closed up, blocking any sound from escaping his mouth. He wasn’t… scared… no, not at all! More like… unsettled . This wasn’t normal but- it wasn’t enough to silence him, no! Just…

He didn’t really know what to say to that. It felt more appropriate to just… listen to what they had to say.

He raised his head, glancing around. He didn’t feel particularly safe. He wanted to go back to his studio, his theater! But it was nowhere to be seen. 

His legs acted before he could think, taking him away from his employees.

…

The world around him was just so… empty. Sad. No wonder he changed it up all those years ago. It just felt all so lonely.

The purple cliffs were dusty and dreary, piles of dust littering the area as giant sleeping couches filled the silence with an unsettling snore.

Glitching distorting squares appeared around him every so often, like dead pixels appearing on his screen. Looking at them made him feel nauseous, an unpleasant tingling in his chest growing the longer he looked.

He ripped his gaze away from the environment, only focusing on the crunch of the odd sandy floor, getting eyefulls [Screenfulls?] of purple.

Eventually, the sand’s color started to fade, transitioning into something more familiar. Pale yellow grains crunched under his feet as he caught sight of another person in the distance. Another familiar yet… off face.

His camera person stood alone in the barren desert, staring at a lone cactus among the dunes. They lacked their usual bright and colorful hues, now as dull and monochrome as the rest. They almost looked… outdated.

The television host approached them hesitantly, stopping in his tracks as the Shuttah turned around and met his gaze. Much like his other employees from before, their smile just seemed… incorrect.

They turned their gaze back onto the cactus, speaking in a low, almost longing tone. “An old, old friend of mine.”

“Boy, he was the greatest freedom fighter I’ve ever seen.”

“He paved a line of beautiful flowers along this land.”

“You saw it too, I know you did.”

Tenna looked up at the cactus too, he could imagine it, flowers blooming upon its skin, trailing down to paint the sand in wonderful warm hues.

But in reality, it was just… barren.

“It was one of his favorite channels.”

“And my favorite time of day.”

“I loved it so.” Their voice was fond, full of love as they reminisced.

“Then one day he came to me.”

“Told me he saw a glimmer beyond, that he had something to fix.”

“I heard glass shatter from behind.”

“He left me his record player, his ukelele, his boots.”

“And he left, riding in the wind, never to return.”

“He was one of the first to leave after the change.” They looked down at the ground, the word change sinking heavily into Tenna’s mind. He almost wanted to reach out to comfort them but he felt too heavy to move.

“...”

“How long do you think until everyone else leaves too?” The Shuttah asked curiously. The television host bit his lip, fist shaking at the innocent question.

“...Unless, that already happened.”

“My condolences.” They replied, voice almost sounding genuine for a moment as they stood still.

“I’d never leave, I know what it’s like.”

“Consider me frozen in place for you.” They left it off at that, their body unnaturally static as Tenna finally worked up the strength to place a hand on their shoulder.

…He could feel the texture under his glove.

It was stone.

He reeled back, the cold sensation from the stone lingering on his hand as his breathing quickened. He didn’t cause that, right…?

He took a few steps back, taking heavy breaths between each one before running away once again, sand kicking behind him as the heat of the desert suddenly became apparent.

Everything was so cold before, why was it suddenly so…

So… hot…

He heaved, unable to breathe as his internals suddenly flared up, no fans to keep him cool as the shine of the sun assaulted him.

Sun? There was nothing there.

The TV show host’s body grew weak, suddenly buckling and dropping to the ground.

His screen tilted up, trying to see if he could cover the rays of the sun but as he looked up he saw the giant star in the sky eclipsed by… something… something dark… something grim.

He felt his vision fade, passing out on the sand.

…

…

“If you had everything in order…”

“Why didn’t you chase after it?”

A voice rang around him, vaguely familiar as he felt himself stir, opening his eyes to find four Addisons standing in a straight line in front of him, their backs turned, grayed out like the rest of the ‘people’ here.

Everything surrounding them was cold and… pungent. As he observed the surrounding area it looked like he was in some kind of trash area, full of heaps of trash and more glitching boxes.

“After what…?” The Addison asked to… seemingly no one. They were talking at a wall, not even facing the CRT.

“Ha, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“They gave me two choices, you see.”

“Coffee or Tea.”

“Coffee makes me more efficient at my job, I wouldn’t need to sleep again!”

“No one can pass up coffee, even for their friends.”

“But then again.”

“I’d be so at peace if I drank tea.”

“It’s the flavor of my favorite person!”

“It’s been with me since the beginning.”

“But I’m old now, I need to work.”

“I drank the coffee, and the teacup shattered on the floor.”

“It was disgusting.” Their voice was laced in sorrow, despite their body maintaining the same position for the entirety of the conversation. [Could you even call it a Conversation?] [[It was more like a monologue.]] The lack of body language almost seemed abnormal, artificial…

Another Addison spoke up, their hair spiky at the back. Tenna immediately recognized this one, they were the yellow Addison from his painting show not so long ago.

“I left an ad on the wall, didn’t think much of it.”

“Bright red and yellow, saturated hues to catch the viewer's eye.”

“I left it for who knows how long.”

“A day.”

“A week.”

“A month.”

“A year.”

“The next time I saw it, it was peeling and fading.”

“All the nights it withstood the rain all lead up to this.”

“I could barely recognize his face.” The TV show host felt a pang in his chest after the last description, feeling a sense of dreadful familiarity wash over him.

Something about that statement planted a seed in his mind.

…

“The phone rings like a bell tolling.” Another spoke up, Tenna had to tilt his head to identify this one, but he soon came to realise it was the blue one he had met when he was looking for Spamton.

“Consider yourself dead the second you pick up the handle.”

“I’ve done it.”

“You’ve done it.”

“He’s done it.” Their words lingered in the air, feeling like a big weight pressing onto them. He really, really didn’t want to think about phones.

“Is there no going back…?”

“...To when nobody was dead…?”

“Every mirror I see, all of it is just…”

“A dead person looking back.”

“I punched every mirror I saw.”

“I don’t want a dead stare on me.” The Addison’s voice was laced in melancholy, almost fearful. Did they know about the phone too…? They must have! They ‘prank called’ Spamton that one time, right…?

The CRT stepped closer, opening his mouth to question them before getting cut off by the final Addison, their hair tied up into a ponytail.

…

“What if there was a way to cheat death?”

“Well, he found a way.”

“His life was changed with a wonderful device, friend.”

“I mean.”

“We are friends, right?” Tenna grimaced. With the way they made Spamton feel, it was a resounding-

“Ha, ha. You don’t have to say anything.”

“I already know the answer.”

“But you do have friends, if I’m not mistaken?” The CRT’s throat tightens. Honestly, sometimes he wasn’t sure.

“Of course you do, everybody loves you.” Tenna could imagine the unnerving smile as they said that.

“They love TV.”

“We love TV.”

“...”

“He loved TV.”

“Maybe the only thing that mattered.”

“Were the friends inside of us.”

“Inside… of you.”

“Can’t you feel it?”

“His presence?”

The television host felt another pang in his chest, this time almost painful, as if something were trying to escape his body. He held his hands against the stinging spot, trying to soothe whatever was in there.

“...”

“Only you can achieve enlightenment from his device in three easy steps.”

“It’s as easy as communion!”

“The place where it is darkest.”

“Your mind.”

“You will find it.”

“On the 14th step, you’ll know.”

Suddenly all the Addison’s shifted their bodies in sync to point to the left. It almost looked as if their noses were leading him somewhere, acting like directional arrows. It would be kind of funny if it wasn’t so unnerving.

Tenna hesitantly followed where they were pointing, turning the corner to find an area leading to a door, it looked like a house made out of garbage.

His hand trembled as he reached out to the door, turning the handle with baited breath.

…Creak…

“S-Spamton…?” He uttered in pure astonishment, heart stopping in its tracks.

He could barely believe his non-existent eyes, what was…

Before him was…

Spamton, absolutely towering over the little CRT. He looked just as he did in his painting. Big, robotic… terrifying.

He had huge wings, one swipe and he’d be blown away like a speck of dust. He wasn’t used to something being so much taller than him.

Bright green strings erupted from his back, spanning into the sky infinitely as if he were a puppet. They were the same strings Tenna saw in his… hallucinations…?

If it weren’t for the nose he probably wouldn’t be able to recognize him. He just looked so…

The TV show host jumped as he heard mechanisms shift, steam hissing from the joints of the Spamton robot.

His head snapped toward the origin of the sound, watching in horror as its hand started to rise up, drawing itself closer and closer to Tenna.

The CRT quickly stepped away, only to feel the wall press against his back. Oh. Oh, where did the door go…?

There was nothing but cold brick walls behind him. Now that he processed it… the bricks were all painted to look like the sky, bright and happy as opposed to the imposing… thing in front of him.

It was so overwhelming- the slurry of bright colors in front of him and the bright pink and yellow spotlights burning his screen was making his head spin.

His breathing quickened as he was basically cornered, watching it get closer and closer.

Its hand hovered before the CRT, as if he were some kind of offering. Ready to be taken and torn apart, cleaved by its claws.

The TV show host trembled, full on whimpering in pure horror as the tip of Spamton’s claw gently grazed his forehead, dragging itself down his screen, leaving an ugly mark on him as it just kept travelling down.

His finger stopped at his chest, his claw firmly pressing him against the wall.

The CRT grit his teeth as his breaths were uneven and shallow, a dull pain across his body as something started to bloom in his chest.

A heat in his chest, a hot fiery warmth threatening to burst out of his body any moment now.

It almost felt like he was about to have a…

A… [[HEART ATTACK]]!

…

“GASP!”

Tenna shot up from the couch, panting heavily as his hands immediately went up to claw at his chest, a phantom pain lingering from his nightmare.

He breathed in so much he started coughing, sputtering as he held onto the couch for leverage.

His heart pounded as he caught his breath, looking up to see Spamton still snoozing, careless and unbothered by whatever was happening.

He was there.

And he looked normal.

Well, as normal as he could look.

The television tried to calm himself down, gripping the couch and counting as he breathed in and out. His mind wanders back to his employees, Elniña and Laniño, they’d be the witness to a lot of his breakdowns, especially after Spamton walked out on him. He tried to think, he tried to remember, he’d try to see their colors in his mind.

“Look at my weather stick here.” Elniña instructed.

“It’s gonna start moving up, and as it moves up you’ll take a deep breath in.”

Tenna imagined the pointed hand in his mind, slowly gravitating up in the darkness in his head.

He follows the weather woman’s instructions, breathing in as the stick moves up.

“Breathe out when the stick starts moving down…”

The CRT followed suit, taking a relieving breath out as he imagined that little pointy stick.

He repeated that process, in and out, and in and out… up until he felt his heart calm, slowing down to a normal rate.

His gaze zeroed back on Spamton. He wasn’t able to really get a good look at him until now. All the times he’s changed his clothes for productions was more of an instantaneous thing, with the snap of his fingers! He didn’t exactly get to dwell on how Spamton looked.

He looked oddly peaceful. His glasses were darkened and his strained smile was absent. It almost looked like he was dead.

Tenna gulped, he sure hoped he wasn’t dead!

He leaned in closer, noticing the rise and fall of Spamton’s chest and letting out a sigh of relief.

This is the most docile he’s ever seen him- at least in his current form, he was always so erratic, so loud, so… basically insane . Right now he was just… quiet. Not even when they were having their drunk heart to heart was he this calm.

It almost… made him feel sad.

What happened to him…?

He’s only gotten fragments, poorly told stories… odd hallucinations and dreams- no those one’s shouldn’t count.

Just… an unbelievable amount of him had changed since they last saw each other while Tenna was over here…

Airing the same shows.

He shook his head, he didn’t want to think about himself right now.

His screen flickered as he analyzed Spamton’s form. He took notice of quite a few things.

His hands were segmented like some kind of doll or mannequin. It was… unnerving to say the least, it put a bit more perspective onto those green… things Tenna was hallucinating, but he didn’t know what it all meant, he didn’t even know why he was seeing things.

His body wasn’t always like that. He just looked- y’know- normal .

Tenna’s gaze flicked onto his suit, expression falling further.

He was skinnier, he could tell his old suit didn’t fit him as it used to. It was a little sickening to think about. His memory of last night was spotty but if what Spamton said earlier was true…

When was the last time he ate?

Tenna almost hit the side of his screen. They should’ve bought something to eat while they were at the café! Or well- ordered something and run away without paying. He forgot he was poor now.

His antennae perked up as he noticed a piece of paper wedged into Spamton’s suit pocket, drawing closer in curiosity.

He shouldn’t snoop but he couldn’t help himself.

Tenna reached out and carefully plucked it out, unfolding the little square to reveal… A letter?

Spamton,

I’m sorry for the things I had done to you, I had not meant to handle you with such roughness, and I had not meant to hurt you all those years ago.

I hope you understand why I had done the things I had done. It was my job. You and I both know you were not authorized to go down there, let alone steal that Lightner’s dream. But… I wish I had noticed your deteriorating mental state sooner, maybe things could have been different if I had just… reached out.

I’m happy you have someone to support you now, well… I assume you do. I hope Master Tenna is treating you well, and I hope you’re treating Master Tenna well in return.

You are still allowed to despise me, and you are allowed to not forgive me, but I did promise you that you could come by any time, and I would have your usual ready for you.

…As soon as you pay off your tab.

I hope one day, I’ll be able to call you a Valued Customer once again.

-Your Ex Butler Swatch

The CRT tilted his head in confusion, a letter from Swatch of all people?

He fixated on the word ‘Ex Butler’, frowning a little thinking about whatever happened between those two. He wasn’t sure how to make sense of the contents, ‘You and I both know you were not authorized to go down there, let alone steal that Lightner’s dream.’ What did that mean?

Was there more than what Spamton was letting on-

Of course there was! There was more than he was letting on the second Spamton came back with a new fit and a freaky ring! Get with the program Tenna!

‘I hope Master Tenna is treating you well, and I hope you’re treating Master Tenna well in return.’

The TV show host grimaced. He wasn’t so sure about that, with all the bickering and fighting they did he couldn’t really say they were treating each other well- [even though he just wanted to help Spamton!] Sigh, well… at least the booze loosened them up right?

What would they even do after they sobered up…?

He folded the piece of paper up again, returning it to Spamton’s suit pocket as he sighed.

His gaze lifted back up towards Spamton’s face. 

So peaceful.

So sleepy.

So… exhausted.

It wasn’t the first time he’s seen him so drained, in fact, it was a rather familiar sight.

…

…

Knock, knock

“Spamton…!”

Tenna knocked on Spamton’s door insistently, holding a piece of paper in his hands. He puffed his cheeks out like a little kid when he heard no answer from the other side.

He pressed his head against the door, feeling its cold surface on the side of his CRT as he tried to listen to any signs of life in the room.

…

No voices.

…

No phone finagling.

…

No shifting, no nothing.

…

“Spamton I’m coming in, this is your final warning!” He speaks against the door, wiggling the handle.

The Z rank room’s door opened with a click, the television host curiously peeking in.

The room was dull and dingy, lights dim, shrouding the place in darkness.

“Spamton, you-” He trailed off as soon as he caught sight of Spamton slouched over his desk, his screen illuminating his form as the salesman was completely out cold.

Tenna’s expression fell as he drew closer, taking notice of just how exhausted his partner was.

The bags under his eyes were starting to grow heavy.

Poor thing.

The CRT hesitantly approached, placing a hand along Spamton’s back, stroking it gently as if he were comforting a small child.

“You’re a hard worker, aren’t you…? He whispered, making sure his voice was low enough to prevent the salesman from stirring.

“You work so hard for everything, huh?”

He looked down at him solemnly. “You must be so exhausted.”

He brings up the piece of paper he was holding to his face, his contract to finally seal the deal between him and Spamton. “I’ll make sure… when we’re finally official…”

“You could get all the days off you need . ”

“...To rest up, and get on stage at your very best.”

“You wouldn’t have to push yourself…”

“...If you just stayed here with me.” His voice wavered a little as he gripped Spamton’s shoulder, huffing to himself.

He noticed a subtle shiver in the salesman. Oh geez, he must be cold, huh?

The TV show host shed off his bright red suit jacket, draping it over Spamton’s sleeping form.

As he pulls away, he feels a sense of longing nibbling away at his chest.

…

“I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow, okay…?”

He forced on a smile as he walked out the door, making extra sure to close it as quietly as possible.

So quiet, not even a Maus could hear.

…

…

Tenna stared down at Spamton laying down peacefully on the couch, his suit jacket draped over him like a blanket.

He couldn’t just stand here and stare at him all day but something about him was just so…

The CRT bit his lip, feeling his chest ache again.

He’s just been looking. Looking. Looking.

He’s so tempted, so tempted to just…

The TV show host kneeled down next to the salesman, lowering down his head to gently press his lips against his forehead.

He reeled back immediately, taking a few hesitant steps back as steam exploded out of his body.

Before he could even process what he did his legs spoke for him, frantically running him out of his room, crashing through the door and leaving a Tenna shaped hole behind.

Chapter Text

The TV show host rushes down the stairs, huffing and puffing as he almost stumbles over and makes a fool of himself. He can’t believe he just did that…!

He just-

No, no. Don’t think about it.

Think about what happened earlier, yes!

Terrifying, robotic depictions of his business partner clawing at him as those creepy grayed out versions of familiar faces laughed and spoke in tongues-

He remembers it now- Spamton’s unwavering, almost predatory gaze on him as his claw dragged across his screen, almost as if he were cutting him open like a segment in a horror movie…

Just so big and imposing- it struck fear into his heart as well as… making him feel a little strange, maybe even… hot and bothered-

NO!!! No, no!!! Don’t think about that either.

Forget about the creepy and freaky shenanigans happening within his thoughts- They both scared him and made him feel certain ways he can’t discuss on television!

Maybe just think about… where he is now- no people. No nothing.

Yes, this Castle Town place… it was very… blue! And black! It’s lacking some green for sure but if you think about it blue is just one half of green so it was basically like- honorary green!

But it wasn’t… actually green was it?

No, it was blue. That’s why it has an entirely different name! Because it’s an entirely different thing!

Just like how this place is entirely different to everything!

Even as the person of power he is, right here, he could only alter reality in his room- or things made in his image! Like the TV building near the castle.

Everywhere else… he was practically powerless. His employees only listened to him out of habit, but right now he realised… they could walk out on him at any time, leave him behind in the dust just like everyone else did.

Just like they said they would in his dreams.

Oh gosh… everything was out of his control here. He wasn’t in control here- He wasn’t-

No, Tenna, you can’t just have a depressive thought spiral because you thought of the color green. Get your act together, you beautiful, groovy thing!

He needs a distraction, something to help him cope with whatever mess was going on in his brain and guts.

Gosh… who is someone he could depend on in trying times…? Who could let him cry on their shoulder as they rocked him and gave him reassurances and the occasional kiss on the head…?

As Tenna walked out of the castle, breathing in the fresh air of the town around him, he noticed an Addison walking past. Their hair slicked back, nose deliciously long, smile reminiscent of a beautiful car salesman…

Nah, no one like that would be able to offer the support he needed.

His gaze shifted over to the TV building to his left, an imaginary lightbulb appearing over his head as he pointed his finger up in realisation.

Eureka!! How could he possibly forget MIKE?! His right hand man! His left hand man! His left leg man! He’s been so preoccupied with his old and now current business partner that he forgot about his right leg man!

He rushed into the building, pushing the door open and booking it over to the Dedicated Mike Door™. No wonder he’s been acting so off lately- no, it couldn’t possibly because of his concerning interactions with his partner- No!!! He hasn’t been getting his fix of Mike! How long has it been since he’s said his name? Gosh, just thinking about it made him feel-

NO MORE THINKING, TENNA!!! WE’VE ESTABLISHED: NO. MORE. THINKING!!!

…

Mind clear.

Zen. Absolutely zen.

Buttons, codes, on the door.

…

Numbers. 4 of them in a line.

…

How did this work again…?

Tenna stood there making a fool of himself as he stood there, knelt down, posterior in the air, just STARING at a set of buttons like a baby drooling at the sight of a power outlet.

“Err, uh. Do ya need help, boss?”

The TV show host’s head practically snapped to the direction of the voice, an almost manic smile gracing his face as he caught sight of his always short and stout microphone headed companion.

“MIIIIIKE!!! You little gobsmacking, haystacker, you!! Don’t think I forgot about you- in fact! I have a request to ask of you!”

‘Mike’ pulled on his collar, chuckling nervously to himself. “Oh yeah? What’s the deetz, big T?”

“Tenna.” The TV show host corrected with an unwavering smile.

“Tenna. Sorry, boss, I was experimentin’ with titles, you know how it is.”

The television host laughed it off, waving his hand. “Well I sure do know!” [He didn’t] “But I’ll tell ya, the only big thing about me is my nose!”

‘Everything about you is big’, Mike thought to himself, clearing his throat as he spoke again. “What did you want to ask me again?”

“Oh, right! Right! Your boss Tenna here is going through a little more than a , a mental challenge if you will! I need a little generosity and some support.”

“Mental challenges again, huh? Do you need another therapy session?” Mike tapped his chin.

“Ah… maybe not just therapy… I need some variety in my beautiful mental health routine!”

“Variety, huh? I think we- I mean I can do that.” The microphone answered reluctantly.

“ Follow me into the coveted Dedicated Mike Door™, and I’ll get better in no time!”

Tenna turned his body back to the number pad on the door, cluelessly oogling it.

“...”

“The password is still ‘MIKE’, boss.”

“Yes! Of course, how could I forget?”

He hovers his finger in front of the buttons, twirling it around as if he were trying to remember what floor he was going to in an elevator.

“...Where’s the ‘M’ shaped number?” Tenna questioned naively.

Mike held back slapping his forehead in frustration, cautiously pushing past Tenna to input the numbers “Hold on, I could just do it for you.”

The door clicks open, the lock fading out of existence as Tenna gave the microphone a mini applause. 

Mike scoffs as the two walk into the room, lights switching on on their own as it illuminates two other Darkners in the corner.

A Shadowguy and Zapper perked up at the sudden appearance, watching as ‘Mike’ did a little signal with his hands, resulting in the two to scurry off into somewhere.

“*Whistle* So commanding~ You didn’t say a thing and they knew what was up!” Tenna crooned, elbowing the little guy on the shoulder.

Mike chuckled nervously, adjusting his bowtie as he completely ignored Tenna’s comment. “SO! I’ve got a………………………”

He held the syllable until a clipboard fell into his hands after an awkward 3 seconds. “SCHEDULE! -Here. FULL of all the Relaxing Activities we’ll be doing today to calm those nerves of yours.”

The TV show host clapped again, bobbing up and down excitedly. “Ooh! I can’t wait! What’s first on the menu, Mike?!”

He leaned into the clipboard, reaching up to adjust glasses that weren’t on his face. “We’ve got yoga first order of business, lemmie set up the mats and we can get started.” ‘Mike’ blinked with his ‘eyes’ as the lights flicked off leaving only Tenna’s glow visible.

“Is this a new trick or something?” The TV show host questioned, tilting his head to the side.

“Give it a few seconds…”

“O-Oh…!” Tenna let out a flustered gasp as he was shifted in the dark, feeling hands pushing him around.

“Don’t get any funny ideas, Mike…!”

The lights clicked back on as a couple of yoga mats were strewn across the floor, one under Tenna and another under ‘Mike’.

“Ooh bravo, Mike! Did you get a new hat too?” The television host questioned, coaxing a confused head tilt from the other.

“...Hat…?” He echoed under his breath, turning around to see the Zapper and the Shadowguy pathetically hiding behind him.

“Do you lot not have anywhere better to go?!” He complained through grit teeth, hoping Tenna wouldn’t overhear his frustrations.

The two of them shrugged as Mike let out a defeated sigh, looking down at his clipboard again.

“Yes, I did boss! You know how I am with changing up my looks and all!” He let out a deep breath.

“Let’s get on with our program, shall we?”

“We shall-!” Tenna excitedly exclaimed before he was cut off by a door slamming open with a BANG! As a familiar little salesman barged through.

“[[Trash Heap]] YOU, [Little Slime]! Y0U LEFT ME [At the Altar]! RIGHT AFTER OUR [Business renewal] AND [[Sharing our Juices]] YOU TREAT ME L1KE THIS?!”

Mike paused, the sound of glass shattering reverberated in his head as he saw who just walked through the door. He looked at that little salesman for… who knows how long? It was as if time around him had just completely slowed to a stop as his ‘eyes’ honed in on that red suited, two toned, long nosed salesman. His glasses bore those trademark colors. The two hues that haunted his nightmares, his studies, his research, his conspiracies, his life.

…

…

“AARRRRRUGHHH!” A muffled furious yell ripped through the building, as the sound of ripping and banging could be heard behind the Z-rank room’s door.

Three employees peeked around the corner at the source of the noise. A Zapper, a Shadowguy and an off colored Pippins.

The Zapper spoke up “What do youse think got him so upset…?”

The Shadowguy shrugged, face contorting in concern for his boss, none of them really cared about how their boss was, in fact, a lot of the people employed by him downright hated him.

But anyone screaming down the halls would elicit some kind of care or worry that's for sure.

“Pluey and I have not a clue, Jongler. Maybe it’s got something to do with Mike…?” The green Pippins questioned, adjusting his tie.

“Not everything is about Mike, Battat.” Jongler replied, the other scoffing and crossing his arms.

“Whatever, I’ll go check on him while you two watch my back. You know how he is when he’s moody.”

Pluey frowns, the two others nodding sadly and knowingly.

Battat does a couple hand signals, ending off his slurry of gestures with a salute. The other two saluted back, despite understanding about half of what Battat had tried to express.

The green Pippins hesitantly creaked the door open, slow enough to alert Tenna of his presence. The last thing he’d want is to surprise Tenna and get a TV dinner thrown in his face… or worse.

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Tenna standing uncomfortably straight, staring at the doorway with a gigantic forced grin as if he were expecting the Pippins to barge in.

“Why hello there, my beloved employee! What brings you to this room on this fine evening?” Tenna exclaimed excitedly through grit teeth.

Battat gulped, hiding the tremors in his hands by hiding them behind his back. “Just wanted to make sure everything was okay, boss! You were uhm… screaming up a storm back there.”

The TV show cackled, a little too loudly. “OHH! Someone must be spreading rumors about me again, I’m FIIIINE!”

The Pippins’ gaze shifted between different areas of the room. Posters were ripped up, a mirror was shattered, and a phone sat ominously in the corner, plugged into the wall.

“Anyone… causing you any trouble? Like… any of us or even…”

The name hung heavy in his mouth, as if letting it leave was sacred. “...Mike?”

Tenna paused as the name was spoken, Battat immediately shutting down as it felt like he upset the universe.

“...Mike.” Tenna’s head hung down low, screen darkening as he spoke his name too.

“D-Don’t even get me STARTED on MIKE!” His fist clenched, body trembling as Battat took a step back. Oh, one of these was happening again…

“Haha! Oh! You don’t understand just how-” He gestures wildly with his hands, feeling himself fall into a manic frenzy.

“He just HASN’T been listening to me! He’s just been so… SO…! SOOO…!!!”

“DIFFERENT!” Tenna growled, his claws erupting from his gloves as he could barely contain his anger.

The Pippins’ eyes widened, mouth hung ajar as he really let that sink in.

Mike.

This mystery man (or woman, or neither, or both, or all… he wasn’t one to assume) that Tenna would refer to endlessly since Battat had known the guy, that NO ONE would question except for him… was now acting different…?

This was… This was insane.

He should really focus on helping Tenna through this breakdown but he couldn’t help but just think of what this could mean for his current Mike research…

“It’s all because of…” The Pippins tuned back in, watching as Tenna’s attention was turned to the phone on the desk.

“All because of that OTHER GUY and his stupid-”

He swiped at the rotary phone, violently tearing it off the wall, and throwing it toward Battat.

“ARRRUGHHH!” 

The green Pippins gasped, unable to react as he felt his life flash before his eyes as it headed straight for him.

Two pairs of hands reach out for him, pulling him away from the line of fire, the phone screeching in pain as it clatters against the wall.

Tenna’s rage subsided as he realised what he had just done, hands immediately running up to cover his mouth.

“Are youse alright…?” Jongler helped the smaller Darkner up as his chest heaved, clinging onto the taller remote.

“I’m fine…”

The television stares at the others in horror, shrinking down as he grovels at their feet. “I-I’m sorry! I- I didn’t mean to…”

He clutches his head, trembling as several apologies spilled out his screen. “I’m sorry…! I just got so mad-”

Battat rushes out, kneeling in front of him, hesitant to touch him. “H-Hey look, I’m fine! I’ll uh…”

He taps his head in thought before his face lights up. “I’ll talk to Mike myself!”

The other two employees looked on in shock, shaking their heads in disapproval.

Tenna sniffed, slowly tilting his screen up. “...Really…?”

“Y-Yeah of course!” The Pippins stood up straight with his hands by his side, standing a little too proudly.

“Here, lets just help you up… plug that phone back in and-”

“Leave the phone.” Tenna stated, in a dead, uncharacteristic tone.

Battat froze up again as he gulped. “S-So… Do you want to throw it away…?”

“NO!” Tenna yelled, immediately covering his mouth again.

“No, just… leave it in the room I’ll… I’ll do something with it later.”

“...Okay…”

…

…

That other guy. Since that other guy left Mike had been acting differently.

This must be the guy! Spamton G. Spamton, Tenna’s old business partner. That other long nosed schmuck that he rearranged the face of from torn up poster shreds! Who else could it be?! Who else could have left Tenna which made ‘Mike’ act so…? Out of order!? No one except that crooked salesman he researched!

He disappeared off the face of the Dark World! He’s seen stories, he’s heard accounts…!

His answer was finally here! Served on a hot plate, ready to be cracked open and analysed for everything he’s worth!!!

“Ahem, Mike uh… has to take a little break real quick! I’ll be right back!” He drags the other two Darkners away from the scene as Tenna pulls on his collar, looking over at Spamton angrily seething at the door.

“Oh, it’s all just a misunderstanding, Spammy! I just had a bad dream and I needed to simmer down, you know how it is! You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to bother you by asking for you to join…”

“YOU C0ULD’VE AT L3AST LEFT A [[Notes]] OR SOMETHING.” He rolled his eyes, stepping more into the room. As he mentioned that, Tenna’s gaze shifted over to Spamton’s suit pocket, noticing how Swatch’s note isn’t tucked into it anymore. He hoped that was a good sign…

“WELL, SINCE YOU WER3 SO [Inconsiderate] TO NOT [Invitation] ME, I’VE [[You’re Invited!]] MYSELF!”

He stepped onto the yoga mat behind Tenna, stretching his arms.

“Only if it’s alright with our instructor!” Tenna glances around, scratching his head before hollering.

“MIIIIKE?!”

At the sound of his voice a certain tall, cowboy themed companion zipped into the room, standing on a yoga mat as they adjusted their hat. Ah yes, Mike, they always had a soft spot for cowboys.

“Right here, boss!” They salute, nodding their head. The Shadowguy from earlier followed behind, hiding some kind of black fuzzy thing behind himself.

“Could my business partner perhaps join us in our schedule of relaxing activities? It won’t affect anything, will it?”

“Not at all, boss! In fact, we uh… we’s encourage him to join actually.” They scratched the back of their head with their boxing glove, watching as Tenna beamed happily.

“Oh that’s ”

Spamton tilted his head in confusion. “WHO IS TH1S [[Average Joe Schmoe]] ANYWAYS?”

Tenna dramatically gasped in offense, putting a hand over his mouth as the other two tense up. They couldn’t have their cover blown, not after everything Battat had built up…

“Spamton! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about Mike, have you?!” Tenna crosses his arms and huffs, as Spamton looks past him and squints at Jongler in particular, the Zapper under that disguise sweating bullets.

“MIKE…” He looked at them blankly, glasses almost glazing in static before he erupts in laughter.

“HAHEAHAEHAHAhA!!! OH [[Silly me]]! H0W COULD I FoRGET SUCH AN [Iconic] [[@$!#]]!”

Pluey and Jongler let out a sigh of relief, the latter clearing their throat. “Ahem, so uh… do we’s wanna get started?”

“Yes! Let’s get going!” Tenna clapped his hands together before looking behind himself to address Spamton.

“Hey, Spam. You and I can swap places so you can see the instructor better.” Tenna tilted his head.

“NAH, I’M [Fine and Dandy] HERE! [[Trust Me]].” Spamton replied, eliciting a confused shrug from the other.

Pluey stood behind Jongler, holding up their clipboard and flipping the page to a paper full of several different yoga poses they had assembled beforehand. Not gonna lie, they just took the first picture they could find from the internet.

The Cowboy Mike looked over at the clipboard, clearing their throat. “Alright, alright. What youse wanna do is uh… we’s gonna do a plank just like this.”

Jongler got on the ground, straightening their body out, using their arms to raise themselves up as if they were doing a pushup. 

The other two follow their lead, the salesman feeling his nose graze the floor as he pushes himself up.

“Yeaaah! Feel that !” Tenna exclaimed, huffing out as he straightened his body a little too much. 

“I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE [Relaxing Activities].” Spamton questioned, admittedly struggling to keep himself up for long. He wasn’t the healthiest person in the world, living in the garbage and all, and this time he didn’t have the adrenaline from a Physical Challenge to help him. He was frail. He didn’t want to think about being so frail.

“Next, youse wanna bring your pelvis forward so your knees touch the floor and your back is all straightened out.”

Again, the two superstars mimic Mike’s movements, Tenna chuckling to himself as they do so. “I feel like a snail!”

Spamton raised a brow, feeling his back strain a little at the movement. “BUT YOU’R3 THE [[Ant]] GUY.”

“The curve of my back makes it feel like a shell should be there!” Tenna refuted, reaching a hand up to scratch at his back while he held himself up with the other.

“Besides, I am a very versatile TV!” He jumps up, doing a little flip in the air before hitting the splits perfectly on the ground. “And a one too.”

The salesman feels his face burn a little at the action, trying to stop his eyes from drifting down. “WELL I KN0W ALL ABOUT [That].” Spamton commented with a light smirk on his face.

“...[[Show Off]].”

“Hey!” Tenna pouted, crossing his arms and turning up his nose as if he were a fussy kid.

Mike turned their head awkwardly at them, trying to draw back their attention without being too intrusive on their conversation.

“Hold dat for a few more seconds…”

Tenna perked up, quickly getting back into position. “Whoops! Gone a bit off script there!”

“YEAH [[Get with the program]]!”

The TV show host scoffed, smirking as he caught sight of Spamton’s arms struggling to keep himself up.

“How about you worry about yourself, huh?” He faced forward again, everyone’s attention back onto Jongler.

…The perfect opportunity is right there…!

Battat approached, holding some kind of potato sack in his hands, big enough to fit a small person…

He tip-toed closer, keeping a close eye on the salesman as ‘Mike’ distracted them with their yoga routine.

“Next youse wanna do the opposite of what youse just did. Raise up your bottom like yer a cat stretching, but make sure to straighten your back.”

As instructed and demonstrated, the other two followed Jongler’s movements, keeping their arms and legs on the ground as they raised their behind up, straightening out.

Spamton raised his head up and took a good look at Tenna in front of him, his… everything- just on display.

“NICE [[@$$]].” He stated bluntly, staring fondly at the CRT.

“Wh- whuh?!” Tenna jerked forward in surprise, knees buckling under him as he covered his reddening screen in embarrassment.

Battat’s eyes widened at the sudden comment, a green blush covering his face as he accidentally fumbled the bag in shock.

The salesman’s head whips around at the noise, catching the little green Pippins off guard.

“HEY, WHAT 4RE-”

Before Tenna could take notice, the Pippins scampered off like a frightened animal, taking the bag with him as he fled.

“Spamton…” The salesman whips his head back to see Tenna, staring at him like he had just stolen his wallet [which was a valid concern].

“HAH… Y-YEAH?” He grins, watching as Tenna grips his collar and pulls him closer.

“If you want to admit something like that, don’t do it in front of MIKE, you hear me?” The CRT spoke through grit teeth.

“SO Y0U [Liked and Subscribed] WHAT I SAID?” Spamton teased with a smirk, the other’s face becoming impossibly hot.

“I did not say that-!”

“IT’S WR1TTEN ON YOUR [Face].” Spamton points to the bottom of Tenna’s screen, gesturing to a closed caption on Tenna’s face that said ‘Yes.’

Before Tenna could argue, Mike appeared out of nowhere in between the both of them, startling the two as they awkwardly cleared their throat.

“Uh… I don’t think this yoga thing is workin’ out… You mind if we switch activities?”

The TV show host perked up at the suggestion, “Why not? Just make sure it isn’t anything that’ll give the little mailman any funny ideas.”

Said little mailman blinked at him, staring at him with big sparkly eyes as if he had done nothing wrong.

“Don’t give me that look…”

…

…

Battat huffed as he stood outside the Mike room, cursing to himself. How is he meant to interrogate Spamton about Mike when he got so caught off guard like that?!

Focus Battat! Lock in and don’t lose sight of your goals! Spamton is the biggest lead to figuring out who Mike is, it all just comes together!

He creaks open the door, peering inside hoping nobody would see him.

“Alright, next relaxing activity on the list…”

The sound of rustling paper could be heard as Jongler struggled to flip the page on the clipboard with their boxing glove.

“Listening to music.”

A lightbulb appeared over Battat’s head as an idea formed. He reached into his suit and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, quickly scribbling down a message for his crew.

“Oh well, I do love tunes! Can we listen to my theme song?”

He shoddily folded a paper aeroplane, creaking the door open more so he had an opening.

“Uh… sure?”

He ultimately covered his eyes out of panic with his other arm, blindly sending off the plane into the room.

The place swirled gracefully into the air, heading straight toward the target…’s eye.

“🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎶🎵🎵🎵🎵🎶🎶🎵!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

A pained stream of saxophone notes erupted from the Shadowguy next to ‘Mike’, his arms waving about as he fell to the ground.

“Uhm… is this the music we’re listening to?” Tenna’s antennae flicked around in confusion as Jongler ran over to the Shadowguy, very carefully plucking the plane out of Pluey’s face with their boxing gloves.

“AHEHAEHAHA!!! I’VE HEARD [Worse]!”

Battat winced as he squeezed out an apology, knowing damn well Pluey couldn’t hear it, he retreated back behind the door, back pressed against the wall as his face flushed green in absolute embarrassment.

He grabbed the little potato sack again, waiting for the signal for his plan to be put into action.

…

…

“🎵… 🎵…” Pluey let out little sad saxophone noises, the notes somehow sounding weak and whiny as Mike gently rubbed his back.

“It’s gonna be okay…” They look down, unfolding the paper plane as they whisper the message, hoping Spamton and Tenna don’t eavesdrop. 

“Keep Tenna and the other guy distracted, bump up the music real loud so they don’t hear me. I need the other guy for interrogation, so DON’T MESS UP. -Battat”

“P.S: Give me a signal when it’s safe to apprehend the little rat thing.”

The two looked over at each other and nodded.

A certain salesman slid over to the Shadowguy, a slide whistle effect accompanying his motion.

“WHATCHA [[Talkin about]]?”

“🎶!!!” The two let out a surprised yelp at the sudden company, staring at the unnerving puppet.

“Nothin’” Jongler blurted out. The puppet’s gaze darted over to Pluey, who had been sitting there, rubbing his face.

“W0ULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A [Limited Edition] [[Pipis]] SHAPED ICE P4CK?” He points to his lens, almost mockingly. “FOR THE [[Stabbed to Death]] PEEPER.”

The Shadowguy nodded pathetically as ‘Mike’ grabbed a boombox from across the room.

“W3LL YOU CAn’T HAVE IT FOR [Free]! WHUDDYA THINK I AM? A [[Charitable Individual]]?”

Pluey sighed in defeat, stuffing a hand into his pockets in an attempt to fish out some cash, only to pull out a Dark Burger clearly labelled ‘Battat.’

“[[That’ll do,]] HAHA!!!” He unhinges his jaw and sucks up the burger like a vacuum, wrapper and all as he dug into his own pockets.

“ENJ0Y THE [Merchandise], PAL!” He tosses the ‘icepack’ at him, which lands into the Shadowguy’s hands. Pluey squeezed it a little, only to realise it was just a water balloon filled with cold to lukewarm-ish water.

“N0 REFUNDS! HAHA4HAHA-” Spamton’s laughter was suddenly cut off by the sound of Tenna’s theme song echoing through the room.

His gaze darted over to Tenna and ‘Mike’ finagling with the boombox, cassette tapes scattered across the ground.

“Oooh, yes! That’s the ticket!” Tenna smiled, hands clasped together as he swayed to his own tunes.

‘Mike’ scratched their head with their boxing gloves. “I thought we’s were gunnin’ for something more… relaxed?”

Tenna laughed, waving them off, “Oh, Mike, you! I’ve never felt more relaxed in my life…!”

He spun around excitedly, reveling in his theme song playing around him.

“[[What a %@$#ing narcissist]] HE’5 THE BIGGEST [Fans] 0F HIS OWN SONG.” Spamton rolled his eyes, settling down on the yoga mat watching his business partner dance in a drunken fashion in front of him.

‘Mike’ glances at him, a bead of sweat rolling down their face. “Aren’t youse happy that he’s feeling better?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen him so happy off stage.”

Spamton lingered on that statement, his eyes trained onto the other, specifically analyzing his face.

“Song so good I could just-!” Tenna cut himself off as he started spinning uncontrollably, his arms out like a T, his hands peace signs as he just spun and spun like he was on display.

His smile was…

“[Disgusting.]”

“Hm?” ‘Mike’ turned toward him in confusion at his little mumble. Mike’s acknowledgement went unnoticed as Spamton just fell silent, staring at the CRT as if he were mesmerized, almost with a hint of reverence.

He looked so… distracted… lost.

It was… the perfect time.

Jongler turned their head to see a little crack in the door, watching as Battat was peeking through the crack, watching the entire time.

They gave him a little thumbs up with his boxing glove.

The Pippins nodded, carefully opening the door and sneaking through the room, baseball bat in hand as the music drowned out the sound of his movements.

Pluey looked over and provided further distractions, bringing out his saxophone to play alongside the music, kicking his legs happily as he drew out notes.

“Oh, oh-! I’m really feeling the beat!” Tenna exclaimed.

Battat prepped himself, raising up the bat as he approached Spamton.

The salesman’s nose twitched, sensing a presence.

“H3Y, WHO-

He turned around, only to be met with a bat making contact with his skull.

WHACK!

…

A crack was heard as everything went black.

…

…

The room around him was dark, Spamton squirmed only to find that he was tied to a chair with a rope.

“WHAT’S TH3 [[Big Idea]]?!”

He felt something be pulled off his head, a potato sack was thrown on the ground as his vision was filled with light. He flinched, the ray of a broken flickering stagelight illuminating his face.

“You’re going to give me answers, Spamton G. Spamton.”

The salesman’s eyes adjusted to the light, making out a small figure about his height in front of him. They spun a board, revealing a plethora of red strings, photos and excerpts from newspapers.

“Who is Mike?”

Spamton blinked, his glasses flickering into static for just a moment, his breath catching as he heard a question he never thought he’d be asked.

“AH…”

“HAHA…”

“AHAHAHA! HAHEHAHA! HEHAHEHAHEAHAHEHA!!!!!”

And he laughed, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wh-what are you laughing about?!” The Pippins steps forward, gripping Spamton’s tie and pulling it in frustration, the salesman’s nose almost poking his face.

“You know something, I know you do.”

“What did you do to Tenna? Who is this Mike guy?!”

Spamton cackled, his amused smile only growing wider. “WHAT [Didn’t] I DO T0 HIM? HAHEAHAHEAHA!!!”

Battat’s face flushed green as he let go of him out of frustration, he turned around and banged the conspiracy board behind him, photos and pins clattering and shaking.

“N1CE [Art Project] YOU HAVE THERE.” He mocked, snickering as he watched the Pippins bat an eye at him in annoyance.

“WH4T MADE YOU [Come to the Conclusion that] I WAS THE ONE YOU [[Needed]]?”

“Who else could I turn to? No one else knows a thing about anything!”

“Tenna told me Mike started acting differently when someone left. That someone just HAD to be his old business partner!”

He pointed at him accusingly.

“My suspicions were only confirmed when you walked in wearing his mark.”

Spamton stilled as Battat’s finger pressed upon his now cracked lens.

…Just how deep into the rabbit hole did this lowly little Pippins get? 

No one else knew what the colors actually meant, no one batted an eye. Everyone just assumed his little two toned glasses were just a riff on Swatch’s outfit- to an extent it was, but there was so much more than that.

This random discolored schmuck being the first person to really notice that… color him surprised.

“I [Sea], I SEE WHAT’S [Going on] HERE.”

The green Pippins snarled, “Are you done playing dumb?”