Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Early afternoon summer breeze was Magnus Bane’s favorite nap time. He was dozing off in his balcony, occasionally giving a few pets to Chairman Meow who was purring on his lap. The cat’s furry belly was rising and falling, synced with his owner’s peaceful quiet snores.
It was moments like these that made Magnus cherish the opportunity he was given to live for years and years to no end. Moments when life was almost perfect.

Almost.

Because a certain hazel-eyed Shadowhunter was missing by his side. He let out a long sigh and gave Chairman a few scratches under his chin. The moment of peace was over when the thoughts he was trying to push back returned flooding in his mind. Alec was on a mission. Again.
He knew this type of fear was going to follow him everywhere since the moment he started falling for a Shadowhunter. That would be his new routine until the very end of Alec’s life, which, Magnus so desperately hoped would be in another 70 or 80 years. Not that it would be anywhere near enough. Ever.

Magnus let out another long sigh, unpleased with the slight rush of his heartbeat. Was it ever going to get easier?
He reached for his pocket to find his phone, Chairman letting out a soft meow of protest. Sometimes Magnus wished he was a cat. He already had the eyes. He wouldn’t be living for eternity, but nine lives would be more than enough.
He checked his phone for any new messages or any missed calls. There was none. He knew he had to be patient and wait for Alec to call whenever he was done. He knew him calling Alec in an inconvenient moment could cause serious damage. He sighed again and shoved the phone back in his pocket, after making sure it wasn’t on silent. He gently lifted Chairman off his lap, placing him on his velvet pillow on the floor. The cat rolled over, his furry stomach facing up, and fell asleep again in the new position. Magnus smiled absently and walked inside to pour himself a drink, considering his options. He was weighing his options between something light and something strong when his ringtone startled him. He reached for his phone excitedly, but his smile vanished the moment he saw Izzy’s name on the screen instead of Alec’s. Alec calling him could mean either good or bad news. Alec’s siblings calling him always meant bad news. He dropped his glass on the table and wasted no time answering.
“Magnus!” Isabelle’s panicked voice proved his concerns true.
“What happened?” He asked, starting to panic. He could hear people shouting in the background and most clearly of it all, he could hear Jace shouting. He sounded angry. He sounded scared. Not many things had the power to make Jace Wayland sound scared.
“It’s Alec. He’s…We don’t know where he is!”
Magnus didn’t hesitate for a moment opening a portal.
“Where are you?”

He stepped through the portal and arrived at the spot Izzy had described. It was a battlefield. But the battle was over. Dead bodies, blood and ichor was everywhere. Medics were rushing to help the injured. Others were trying to identify and move the dead. How did this happen? Alec told him it was just an ordinary every day mission. This mess was very far from an ordinary every day mission!
“Magnus!” He turned to find a very panicked Isabelle running towards him. He held her tightly in his arms, stroking her black hair to give her some comfort.
“ Isabelle, my dear, what is all this? What happened?”
Izzy freed herself from his e by mbrace and started explaining with a shaking voice.
“Th-they were expecting us! There was a suspicious demonic activity in the area, Jace and Alec and I came to investigate. First we couldn’t find anything. We were about to leave when all of a sudden they arrived! Shax demons, forsaken, old circle members. They were all waiting for us. W-we think it could have been a trap to find Alec. We called for back-up and started taking them down. Things were under control until suddenly Jace came to me and said he couldn’t feel Alec. We looked everywhere! Alec was gone. The circle members too. They left us with the demons and the forsaken when we were distracted.”
Magnus felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He tried to focus and approach the matter rationally.
“Did you try tracking him? Does Jace feel anything that could help us?”
“There’s NOTHING!”
That’s when Jace came running to them. Magnus could see his own panic mirroring in his golden eyes. He was holding Alec’s bow in his hands. It was broken in half. He took the bow from Jace, giving it a light caress with his thumb as he closed his eyes to try and track Alec. The more he tried, the more he couldn’t get anything. And the more he started panicking.
“Anything?” Jace asked impatiently. It reminded him of a similar situation, where he was trying to find a missing Jace next to a very frantic Alec.
“Nothing.”
“There’s gotta be something!”
Magnus opened his eyes and looked at the two worried siblings.
“I can’t feel anything.”

Jace’s hand flied to his hip automatically, lifting his shirt up to check the parabatai rune. It was still there. None of them wanted to even think of that possibility, but it didn’t hurt to check.
“Ok. We need to think. We need to check everything.” Isabelle said more to herself than to the other two. “We should all go back to the Institute where we have more resources. We need to stay calm and plan everything out.”
“I need to check the area. See if there are any signs of magic. It could help us identify whoever has taken Alec.”
Jace and Izzy both nodded in agreement.
“Izzy are there any hostages? Anyone we can interrogate?”
“No. They all disappeared with Alec.”
Magnus felt a cold chill run down his spine. A billion different scenarios were playing out in his head, about where Alec could be, who he could be with, what they could do to him.
“We need to be quick. Whoever they are and whatever they’re planning to do, we can’t leave Alec alone with them.”
With that they split up, Magnus summoned a portal to the Institute and Izzy left to do her research there, Jace took the other half of Alec’s bow and tried to track him again, and Magnus went to check and scan the area for any unusual trails of magic. They were on a plain field close to the beach and the sun was slowly setting on the horizon. The Shadowhunters had taken care of their injured and dead and there weren’t any Nephilim left on the field, except for Jace. Magnus scanned the area and wasn’t surprised to find the traces of a portal that had been summoned not very long ago. He could usually identify Warlocks by the signature they left on their magic, but this one felt different. It wasn’t similar to the magic of any Warlock he had ever met. There was something weird about it that he couldn’t quite put a pin on.
A few meters away, Jace yelled in frustration and kicked the sand on the ground. “I’m his freaking parabatai! Why am I not feeling anything?”
Magnus wished he knew the answer. Jace walked closer to him, wide eyed with horror.
“Magnus, where is he Magnus? I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I can’t believe I wasn’t there to protect him. What if…” he clawed his blonde hair rather harshly, looking around as if trying to find an answer. He was welling up when he met Magnus’s eyes again. “I can’t lose him Magnus. I can’t… I can’t stand that kind of pain.”
Magnus couldn’t agree more. He wrapped his arms around the young Shadowhunter who was carrying a piece of Alec’s soul. They disagreed on many things, Jace and Magnus. But there was one thing they had in common, and that was the fact that neither of them could ever afford losing Alexander.
“We’ll find him. We’ll find him and bring him back home. And we’ll never let anything bad happen to him ever again.”

Magnus had never seen the New York Institute so chaotic before. Isabelle was in charge at the absence of Alec, and she was trying her best keeping a balance between giving out orders to the wounded soldiers and trying to check every source of information to find out Alec’s location.
“There are no camera records. We were literally in the middle of nowhere.” She muttered in frustration. “Magnus were you able to find anything?”
“Not really. There was obviously sign of magic, but it wasn’t like anything I have encountered before.”
“Jace, any luck with the tracking?” Jace shook his head. “Nothing.”

Chapter Text

Magnus felt powerless. Useless. Helpless. Desperate. So many things he wasn’t really used to feeling. Alec was gone. Alec had been gone for 5 days now. He had tried everything. Every spell, every connection, every single Downworlder and Shadowhunter in New York was helping them look for Alec. They even sent messages to various Institutes from all over the world. Magnus had spread the word through the Spiral Labyrinth. Jace had tried using their rune. Clary tried her angelic powers. Isabelle ran the Institute in her brother’s absence and had her soldiers covering every single spot on land and water. 5 days.

5 days and nothing.

Magnus was sitting in Alec’s room, on his bed. That’s where he usually found himself when his brain gave out to his excruciatingly painful feelings. There wasn’t much in the room to indicate the presence of Alec. He hadn’t really used it in months. The sheets didn’t smell like him anymore. Neither did the clothes in the drawers. There was an old photograph on the nightstand. Alec with his siblings, all three of them around the age of ten. Jace had his usual confident smirk on. Izzy looked as gorgeous as she did now. And Alec? Alec was Alec. Almost actively trying to take as little space as possible. Standing in the back, his arms protectively wrapped around his brother and sister. Oh how Magnus wished he could go back in time and give that little boy the tightest hug in the world. To protect him, from anything and anyone who made him believe he had to shrink himself down. A tear drop fell on the frame. Magnus couldn’t even protect his own Alexander, let alone the younger one. He dropped the photo on the bed and crushed the mattress in his fist.

Alec was gone.

Alec was gone and Magnus was useless. Sobs started shaking his body as he pressed his face against the pillow. He felt like his lungs were being crushed under a hundred feet of water. He couldn’t stop crying, not even for a second to catch his breath. He couldn’t lose Alec. He couldn’t let him be taken from him. He had to find him. He had to do something !

It felt like an hour had passed when he managed to pull himself together. His eyes were so swollen he couldn’t open them properly. He always lectured Alec about how poorly he took care of himself. Now he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept or eaten anything. Alec would’ve been proud. He felt impossibly nauseous when he tried to lift himself off the bed. His little mental breakdown had cost him lots of time he could’ve used searching for Alec. Just as he was about to drag himself towards the door, it swung open abruptly and Izzy stepped in. She looked like a wreck. They all did these days.

Jace was mostly angry. No, Jace was furious. At everything and everyone, but mostly at himself. The guilt of not being able to protect his parabatai was eating him alive. The only person who could approach him these days was Clary, who was trying her best to be supportive and stay strong, for all of them. Izzy kept alternating between work mode and emotional breakdowns. She would spend hours researching, investigating, attending meetings with Downworld leaders and Clave officials, making endless calls with Institute leaders from all over the world, because they didn’t even know if Alec was still in New York. And after hours and hours of burning herself out, she would fall apart alone in her office. Alec’s office. Magnus was more than thankful that Simon was there to take care of Isabelle. He was trying his best to ignore the envy in his heart, because they all had someone to pick up their pieces and Magnus didn’t.

“Magnus! Oh god! I’m so sorry, I didn’t think…” Izzy began to apologize.

“It’s ok Izzy.” Magnus reassured her, with the best smile he could manage. “I find myself here whenever I miss him.”

Izzy gave him a look full of both kindness and pain.

She tried to bite back her tears as she walked closer to give him a hug. Magnus accepted the invitation and opened his arms for her. He held her tight as she sobbed in his arms. He had a family now. Alec gave him a family. They were seeking comfort in each other’s presence when the sound of Magnus’s phone startled them both. He reached for it urgently, hoping to get some news. Any news. He frowned when he was met with a hidden number. Izzy looked as puzzled and listened with a frown as Magnus answered it on speaker.

“Hello?”

“M-Magnus…”

“Alec?” Magnus had to hold on to Izzy to stop himself from falling down. His heart was hammering against his chest as he heard the voice he had been yearning to hear one more time for the last five days.

“Alec? Alec darling can you hear me?”

There was no response. Izzy looked as frantic as Magnus. She seemed to lose her ability to talk all together.

“Alec? Alec?” Magnus called again, his voice raising.

“Pick a number.” The voice that answered was not Alec’s. It was a woman.

“What? Who the fuck are you? Where’s Alec? What did you do to him?”

“Pick a number.” The woman repeated calmly.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Tell me where he is or I’m gonna mak-..”

He swallowed his words as someone started screaming. Alec was screaming. Izzy drew in a breath and held her mouth with both her hands, tears welling up in her eyes. Magnus was growling.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch him or I’ll make you regret you were ever born!”

“Pick a number and I’ll stop.” The woman repeated again. Magnus was shaking. Izzy seemed to be in a state of shock.

“What number? What the fuck are you talking about?” Magnus was yelling at this point. He wasn’t sure if he was furious or scared as fuck. Probably both.

“Any number will do. Pick one. Quickly.”

Alec started screaming again. That was all Magnus needed to accept defeat.

“Ok ok! Please stop hurting him! I’ll pick a number. Uh…nine. I pick nine, just please don’t hurt him!”

The woman hung up.

”What? Hello? Hello?? Where the hell did you go?” He tried redialing the number but there was no answer. His hands were shaking so bad that it made it very difficult to tap the right buttons.Tears started blurring his vision as he finally accepted that he had almost no control over the situation. They had Alec, and they had the power to do whatever they wanted to do to him. He fell down to his knees. He wanted to believe, the past few days, that wherever Alec was, whoever he was with, they weren’t hurting him. They were just keeping him captive for some unknown reason, but they weren’t hurting him. Now, he realized, how wrong he had been. And his heart broke all over again. Isabelle broke down next to him, holding his arms frantically.

“Magnus? Magnus what was that? Who was that?”

Magnus wished he knew. He was about to promise Izzy that he would find out who they were and would make them pay for it when he received a notification. He checked. It was a video. He was terrified of the contents, but he pressed play.

It was Alec. Of course it was Alec. Magnus’s breath caught in his throat. It was Alec, his hands chained to the ceiling. His face and body covered in blood, his hair drenched in sweat. Magnus let out a shaking breath. It was the first time he was seeing him after five days. A woman stepped in front of the camera. She was wearing a teal lace mask to cover her face. Her hair was wavy and blond, making her look like a mean witch from children’s stories.

“Well hello there Magnus! I hope you’re having a good day.” She said with a cheerful voice with an accent Magnus couldn’t recognize. It made Magnus sick.

She stepped away from the camera, walking to Alec. His head was hanging low and his breathing was rapid and shallow. He looked like he was in pain and Magnus wanted to burn the entire world down for it. The woman stroked Alec’s cheek, pushing his damp hair out of his face. She spoke turning to the camera again, “My friend Alec here and I decided to play a little game with you today. Remember how I asked you to pick a number earlier? You picked 9. I gotta say, I’m very happy with your choice.”

She turned to Alec again. She walked to stand behind him, her hands moving up and down his chest. Everything happened so fast. She stroked his cheek again, and then all of a sudden, she slit his throat with a dagger.

Izzy screamed.

Magnus stopped breathing.

Alec’s eyes went wide as he started fighting for his breath. He was looking directly at the camera, making gurgling sounds as blood started filling his throat. He was moving violently, pulling against his restrains to fight for his life. Magnus felt his magic trying wildly to crawl out of his skin.

The light bulb on the ceiling shattered to pieces.

The mirror and the photo frame Magnus placed on the bed earlier both cracked.

Izzy was gripping his arm, with enough force to draw blood. Magnus welcomed the pain. On the little screen, Alec was taking his last breaths. Actually,he was fighting for his last breaths. Magnus wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and break and burn. He wanted to burn someone alive .

As Alec’s face was turning a very sickening shade of red and his eyes looked like they could pop out of their sockets any second, the woman stepped closer to him again. Magic started pouring out of her hands in lights of orange and yellow. It sank down in Alec’s throat and started healing. Drawing the blood back inside the veins where it belonged, sewing the skin back together. In less than a minute, Alec’s throat looked like it had never been near a knife. He took a few shaking breaths, looking around trying to comprehend what just happened to him and why. Slowly Alec’s eyes rolled back and his head hung down. He passed out but the slow rise and fall of his chest indicated that he was alive.

The woman walked closer to the camera again, chuckling lightly.

“Well that was something, wasn’t it?” She asked as cheerfully as before. “I’m sure you’re still wondering what that number you chose means, don’t you, Magnus? Well let me help you out. You chose 9. That is going to be the number of times you are going to watch me kill him and then bring him back to life, until once, I don’t!” She laughed, looking pretty amused. Magnus decided that would exactly be what he would do when he watched her burn to death.

“Nine, Magnus.” Her attitude changed suddenly. Now she sounded serious, bitter. “That’s the number of chances you get. Find me, or there won’t be turning back from the last one.”

The video ended. The screen went black. Magnus saw his own helpless reflection in it. Izzy was gasping for breath next to him. Magnus felt his magic crawling to surface once again.

The window shattered, tiny pieces of glass flying everywhere.

Magnus felt like there was a gigantic hand crushing his ribcage. He had just watched Alec bleed to death.

The furniture started shaking.

He could still hear Alec’s screams in his ears. They were hurting him. They were hurting Alec.

The mattress on the bed caught fire.

Nine days. He had nine days. Nine days or they would kill Alec. They would kill Alec and Magnus would have to watch it through the screen of his phone. Alec would die alone.

The wardrobe started burning.

“Magnus! Fuck…Magnus! You have to control it!”

“Magnus please!”

“Magnus! You’re burning Alec’s room!”

Magnus blinked. The first thing he realized was smoke. It was everywhere, blocking his vision. The next thing he realized was Jace. He was sitting right in front of him, holding his shoulders in his hands. He looked terrified.

“Magnus, you have to control it. Breathe! You’re burning all of Alec’s stuff!”

That brought his senses back. Magnus looked around. Oh god, what had he done?

He jerked to life and hurried to his feet, almost losing his balance twice before managing to stand up properly. Opening both his arms wide, he closed his eyes and commanded the fire to stand down. Fire was the essence of his magic. The wild, untamed part of it. The flames flickered a few times before starting to die down. Magnus opened his eyes to evaluate the damage he had caused. Alexander’s bedroom. His only sanctuary when he walked through the unwelcoming walls of the New York Institute. He had burned it all down. The walls and the floor had all turned black, all the windows were shattered down and littles pieces of glass were scattered everywhere. The place was unrecognizable. Jace stood up on his feet next to Magnus and that’s when Magnus remembered his presence. That’s also when he realized Isabelle’s lack of presence.

“Isabelle? Where’s Isabelle?”

“She’s with Clary and Simon. They’re trying to calm her down. Magnus what the hell was that?” He demanded rather angrily. “Why did I walk in on Izzy having a panic attack and you trying to burn the place down? What’s going on? What did you guys find out?”

Magnus just stared at him. How was he supposed to tell him? How was he supposed to form the words? That’s when he realized he had lost his phone and looked around, hoping he hadn’t burned that too. “My…my…”

“You looking for this?” Jace handed out his cracked cell phone. Magnus yanked it out of his hand, terrified that he had broken the only thing that could connect them to Alec. He was relieved to find that it was still functioning. With a wave of his hand, the screen was repaired.

“Magnus? I’m still waiting for an explanation here!”

Magnus looked him in the eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and unlocked his phone, handing it to him. He couldn’t explain it himself. Big fat drops of tears started flowing down his eyes as he once again witnessed Alec’s injured body hanging off the ceiling. He turned around and covered his ears. He couldn’t do it again. He knew he had to rewatch it to look for clues. He knew a new one would come tomorrow. He knew but he couldn’t do it now. Not now.

Behind him Jace fell down to his knees. He was staring blankly at the wall.

Magnus lowered his hands from his ears when he was sure the video was over. He turned around to find Jace on the floor, looking like all the life had been sucked out of his body.

“Jace! Jace get up!” Clary came rushing in the room a few moments later. Her steps were more confident than always. She had really grown stronger the past few days, trying to keep everyone else functioning. She knelt down in front of Jace, holding his shoulders with a firm grip.

“Jace! Jace! You have to pull yourself together!”

Jace seemed to wake up from a haze.

“Clary…Alec…” he whispered weakly. The last time Magnus had heard his voice sound like that was when he was begging him to fix Alec after his possessed body had broken his wrist and punctured a hole in his lung with Alec’s own arrow.

“I know. Isabelle told me. But now is not the time to lose ourselves. You hear me?” She turned to look Magnus in the eyes.

“Alec is alive. He is not dead yet. We will have an eternity to mourn if we lose him, but that has not happened yet. We still have a chance. We still have time.”

She blinked her tears away and turned to Jace.

“You are the Clave’s strongest soldier. You were taught to control your feelings by Valentine himself!”

She paused a few seconds for her words to sink in before turning to Magnus again. She stood up on her feet and walked to him. Magnus felt her cold fingers wrap around his trembling ones.

“And you? You are Magnus Bane. You are the High Warlock of Brooklyn. You are the son of Asmodeus.” She paused, her lower lip trembling. “Alec’s so lucky to have you. And we are all so lucky to have Alec. And we won’t lose him.” Magnus stared at her with his blurry vision. A faint smile curved his lips. He nodded weakly. Clary smiled back and then walked to Jace, holding her hand out to him. Jace stared at it for a good few seconds and then took it, standing back up. Clary gave him a loving smile and a stroke on the cheek, wiping his tears away. Jace pulled her for a hug, burying his face in her hair. “Thank you. Clary, thank you.”

“Always.” She replied, wiping her own tears away before they could roll down her eyes.

“Meet me in the Ops Room in ten. We have a lot of work to do.” She left them both after that, walking herself out gracefully. Magnus vowed to never disrespect Clary Fairchild again.

He was alone with Jace now. They both stared at each other. Two broken men, one missing a piece of his heart and the other a piece of his soul. Before he could say anything, Jace held him in a bone crushing hug. Magnus held him back. He was so grateful that he didn’t have to go through all this alone. The hug didn’t last long. Jace let him go as quickly as he had held him. Magnus looked at his face. The broken boy was gone. The fierce soldier was back.

“We will find him. We won’t waste a second crying. He is not dead yet.”

Magnus gathered all his strength to shape a smile and gave him a nod. He was far from a soldier, but at least he could pretend to be like one.

“You go, I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

Jace gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and left the room, taking Magnus’s phone with him.

Magnus stood alone in the middle of the ashes that remained from Alec’s room. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, opening both his arms wide to repair what he had broken. He couldn’t hand the room to Alec like this when he was back home.

“I’m coming for you Alexander. I’m gonna bring you back home, even if it’s the last thing I ever do.”

Chapter Text

Magnus was welcomed by a tight hug from Izzy when he joined everyone in the ops room. Izzy’s eyes were slightly swollen from all the crying, and her voice was a bit hoarse when she asked Magnus if he was ok, but other than that, she looked completely normal. Her hair and makeup was perfectly done and her composure looked confident. 

Lightwoods, Magnus thought. Always looking tough and unbreakable, no matter how shattered they were on the inside. Magnus smiled at Izzy, his heart aching a little at how much she reminded him of Alexander, and then turned to the big screen, playing the video that was sent to him.

“What have you found?” He asked the others.

“We were discussing the warlock. She has blonde wavy hair, her eyes seem to be blue, and she seems quite tall. She’s almost as tall as Alec when she’s standing next to him. Do any of these characteristics ring a bell to you? Do you know someone who looks like this?”
“Not really. I mean, I know millions of people. I can’t recall all of them. Besides, she could be glamouring herself, she could change her voice and her accent. I don’t think we can rely on her looks.” Magnus answered, and everyone nodded thoughtfully.
“Okay but can you think of anyone who could be holding a grudge against you? Someone who hates you enough to be doing something like this?” Jace asked him, with a stern look. Magnus closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Of course, he had figured it out. Whoever this was, they were using Alec to hurt him. They wanted revenge, and they were doing it by hurting Alec. And all of this had one meaning: Whatever Alec was going through, it was all because of Magnus.
“I’m sorry. I can’t think of anyone.” 
“Well think harder!” Jace growled through clenched teeth.
“Jace!” Clary warned him. Magnus just stared at his glowing golden eyes.
“You think if I had any information, any clue to help us find him, I wouldn’t be digging my brain out to reach it? I’m trying my best.”
“Well clearly your best isn’t taking us anywhere!”
“Enough! Both of you!” Izzy raised her voice. Jace glared Magnus one last time before walking back to the huge screen.
“We need to track the signal from the call.”
“I have already assigned a team to do that. They’ll let us know as soon as they find something.” 
“I don’t think that would get us anywhere. I’m sure she’s clever enough to change her location after the call. I mean, everybody knows that.” Simon pointed out.
“That’s right, but I can still scan that area to look for her magic, or maybe we could find something to track her with.” Magnus replied.
“Also, if we get better at this, next time we can track the signal while she’s making the call. This way we can catch her before she has time to move.” Izzy added.
“Didn’t you say you were attacked by demons and Circle members that day? Why are we receiving messages from a warlock now? Where are all the Circle members? Are they forming an alliance with the Downworld?” Magnus asked the three Shadowhunters.
“Why the hell would a Downworlder want to form an alliance with the Circle against Alec? He has always tried to defend those people!” Jace asked, his brows furrowed.
“I have no fucking idea.” Magnus sighed. This was all too complicated and what Magnus wanted was so damn simple: He wanted to hold Alec in his arms again.
“So, we literally have nothing?” Jace asked in frustration.
“The only thing we can do right now is to wait for the team to locate the signal.” Izzy answered, hanging her head low. “Jace, help me look through the archives. I know it’s a shot in the dark, but maybe we can find a warlock who matches this bitch’s looks.” She finished her sentence with a poisonous glare to the woman on the screen.

“I’m going to call Lorenzo. He could help us with identifying the warlock.” Magnus announced and grabbed his phone off the desk. Walking himself out the ops room, he dialed Lorenzo’s number.

“I have never seen him so miserable. Not even when he had lost his magic.” Clary whispered to Simon, watching Magnus leave the room with slumped shoulders.
“Well, I have never seen any of them so miserable.” Simon whispered back, glancing at Jace and Isabelle who had their backs turned to them, scanning through the archives of the Clave.
“Simon, I’m really scared. If anything happens to Alec, I don’t know if Jace will ever be able to recover.” Clary’s voice broke. 
“Hey, hey,” Simon held her shoulders in his hands and looked her in the eyes. “We have to keep our cool, ok? We have to be strong for them. They all need someone to keep them sane through all of this. If we start losing our shit, they won’t stand a chance.” Clary stared in silence for a few seconds before nodding her head. “We have to be strong for them.”

“So, what we have so far is that she’s tall, has blonde hair and is exceptionally good at healing magic.” Lorenzo repeated Magnus’s words. 
“Yes. Do you know anyone who would fit into this description?”
“Not off the top of my head. But I’ll look for it, and I’ll ask whoever I can.”
“Thank you, Lorenzo.”
“I wish I could do more.” 
“Join the club.” Magnus replied bitterly. 
“Magnus, we will find him. I know there isn’t much brightness in the situation, but at least we know that he’s still alive. And that he will continue to stay that way for another 8 days.”
“You know as well as I do that there are limits to magic, and to how much a mortal’s body can take it. If he keeps receiving fatal injuries, no amount of healing magic will be enough once his body’s exhausted.” 
It was true. Magnus knew that. He was almost certain that the warlock doing all this knew that too. She had given him a specific amount of time, but neither of them could predict how much Alec’s body could take. It was something Magnus preferred not to share with Alec’s siblings yet.
“We will find him before that happens. I have gathered a few of my old friends, we will search the entire city for any signs of unusual magic. We’ll inform the Shadowhunters if we find anything.”
Magnus felt tears rush into his eyes.
“Thank you, Lorenzo. I’ll never forget this.”
“You are very welcome.”
Magnus hung up the phone. He was beyond grateful for this newly formed friendship. Something else that he had to thank Alec for. 
Once again he found himself stumbling into Alec’s bedroom, his feet always seemed to bring him back to this place. Magnus stood at the doorway, watching the room he had burned down to the ground and resurrected again merely an hour ago. The place still smelled of smoke and burned wood. Magnus was so overwhelmed by a sudden wave of longing that he wanted to scream. He needed Alec. His heart was aching so bad for him, and it refused to understand why he wasn’t within reach. Magnus flicked his wrist, he should’ve done this a long time ago. One of Alec’s favorite shirts was summoned in his hands. He held it tightly against his face and inhaled, the familiar scent filling his lungs. His legs gave away and he slowly slid down to the ground, tears filling his eyes and soaking the grey fabric. He was clutching the shirt like his life depended on it, and at that moment he really felt like it did, like if he lost this tiny connection he had left to Alexander, his heart would stop beating. So he clutched it tighter and curled around himself, not caring that he was lying in the doorway and that anyone passing by could see him. The world was ending in Magnus’s eyes. He never imagined he would have the ability to fall asleep in this state, but he did. His body and mind were exhausted, although sleep didn’t bring much comfort either. Nightmares kept coming, each of them taking Alexander away in a unique way. And each time, Magnus was too late to save him. 
It was dark outside when he was shaken awake by Jace, and Magnus started gasping for air because the huge lump in his throat wouldn’t let him breathe.
“It’s ok man. You’re ok.” Jace tried to comfort him, rubbing a hand on his back as Magnus tried to return to his normal breathing. “What going on?” He asked with a hoarse voice.
“They located the signal. We’re going there now.”
Magnus jerked to his feet at this new information. Finally! He thought. Finally, there was something.

Everyone else was waiting for them at the main entrance, all geared up and ready. Magnus opened a portal and they all stepped through. They found themselves in an abandoned cabin standing by the sea. Everywhere was dark and silent. Whoever had been in the place, they had already left. Magnus took the lead and everyone followed him inside. The place smelled like mold and fish and damp soil. Magnus flicked the light on and they all spotted the chains hanging from the ceiling. There was blood on the ground. Alec’s blood.
Magnus grimaced, he could almost feel Alec’s pain in his chest. He stepped closer and examined the chains. They were enchanted just as he was expecting.
“What is it Magnus? Can you feel anything?” Clary stepped closer.
“There is magic in here, in these chains. But it feels strange. It’s not similar to any warlock’s magic I have ever felt.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Jace was frustrated again. Magnus met his eyes.
“I have no idea.”
Jace’s nostrils flared in anger and he yelled, punching the wall he was standing by.
“What are we missing? Why haven’t we found him yet?” He emphasized each word with another punch to the wall. Magnus ignored his outburst of rage and turned his back to them as Clary and Izzy were trying to keep him under control. He knelt down on the floor, trailing his fingers along the stains of blood. He closed his eyes and concentrated on Alec, trying to track him using the blood. He was met with the same block that was keeping them from finding him the past few days. What kind of magic could be strong enough to block all of them? Magnus’s magic, Jace’s bond and Clary’s angelic powers. None of them had managed to break through this obstacle. The cabin was next to the sea, next to water. But that alone couldn’t be it. They would need something much more stronger to block the parabatai bond. And Magnus had no idea what it could be.
They spend almost an hour in the cabin, searching it inch by inch. They couldn’t find anything except for mold and dust and some dried sea weed. Finally they accepted defeat and portalled back to the Institute. 
“She left the chains and the blood there.” Izzy said, almost like talking to herself. “She left evidence behind. Is she that confident that we won’t be able to find her?” There was horror in her eyes. Magnus was clenching his fists so hard his nails were digging in his palms.
“It’s like she’s mocking us.” Izzy whispered with tears welling up in her eyes.

”She is.” Magnus growled. “She’s very powerful, and she’s very confident. But, my dear Isabelle, that is exactly why she’s going to lose. Her confidence will cause her to make a mistake. And when she does, we will be waiting to hunt her down.”

Chapter Text

The second video came in the afternoon of the following day.
They were all gathered in the ops center, each trying to keep busy while stealing anxious glances at Magnus’s phone. By now, Magnus had made peace with the fact that his phone belonged to all of them.

When the notification beeped, they all jumped. No one moved. No one dared to open it.

Finally, Izzy stepped forward, unlocked the phone, and mirrored the video to the big screen.

The woman was back. Her hair was straight and black this time, but the mask on her face remained the same.

“Hello, Magnus. I hope you and your friends are having a great day.” Her tone was mockingly cheerful. Magnus’s jaw clenched. “I have to admit, I’m quite impressed by how fast you found the cabin.”

Everyone exchanged alarmed glances. How the hell did she know that?
“But I guess your efforts weren’t good enough, now, were they?” She made an exaggerated sad face, lips curled downward. “Maybe this will give you guys some motivation.” She lifted the phone and turned it toward Alec.

He lay flat on the ground, stripped down to just black shorts. His arms were spread and tied, wrists secured to the floor. The room around him was too dark for Magnus to make out his features, but Alec’s pale skin stood out like moonlight in shadow. Magnus scanned him. No visible injuries. Not yet, he reminded himself bitterly. The camera was placed on the floor, catching the left side of Alec’s face and body. Slowly, Alec turned his head and looked straight at the lens.

Magnus’s heart skipped. The image was painfully familiar—Alec turning his head to find Magnus in the mornings, sleep-creased, hair messy, whispering “Good morning” with a smile that could light up the world. Every morning spent with Alec Lightwood was a good morning indeed. But now, there was no warmth in his smile. No light in his eyes.

“Magnus… it’s okay. I’m okay.” His voice was so hoarse and weak, Magnus almost didn’t recognize it. Yet, after all that he had been through, he was still trying to convince Magnus that he was alright. Magnus half smiled and half grimaced in pain.

You stupid, stupid Nephilim.

He was slipping into the darkness in his eyes when Alec suddenly screamed. A man had appeared out of thin air, head buried in his neck.

“Vampire,” Clary whispered, horrified.

Alec’s face contorted in pain as the vampire sank his sharp fangs deep in his skin. A second one joined, latching onto his wrist. Then a third. And then a fourth.

Magnus had seen vampires feed before. He had always thought it was horrifyingly dark how they would make their preys enjoy the process as life was slowly sucked out of their bodies. These vampires didn’t seem to have any intention of making it enjoyable for Alec though. He groaned, whimpered, cried out, pleaded as they kept tearing his skin apart. His body was buried under the countless dark figures, all they could see was his left hand, still chained, flexing in agony as he struggled to break free.

Clary covered her eyes. No one else could move or speak.

The vampires were hissing in pleasure and Alec was writhing in pain. His whimpers turned into pained breaths as his body grew weaker, and finally he was silent, his left hand falling limply on the ground.

Magnus was suffocating on the lump in his throat. He was always aware of Alec’s mortality. He always knew that there would be a day when Alec would be old and weak and broken. He knew he would witness death take Alec away from him one day. But, he also was used to the fact that Alec was strong and fierce and skilled. He was used to the fact that he was in love with a soldier who bore the blessings of angles. Seeing him like this, in this state of weakness and fragility as vampires tore him apart was breaking Magnus in ways he had never thought possible. He was ready to give up everything he had to stop this torture. He wanted to beg for mercy, but there was no one who would listen.

A clicking of heels echoed through the room. The woman appeared again, casual and composed. “Boys, boys… I know Nephilim blood is the sweetest treat in the world to you guys, but it’s time to stop. We don’t want to kill our guest… yet.”

The vampires didn’t stop. They didn’t even seem to hear her words. Not until a curtain was yanked open and sunlight flooded the room. They screamed as their skin began sizzling under the light, and in less than a second, they were gone.

Everybody around Magnus took a sharp, pained breath as Alec’s lifeless body was exposed again. There wasn’t an inch of skin left untouched. He looked impossibly pale, and for a horrifying moment Magnus thought he’d stopped breathing entirely.

The woman knelt down beside him, placing a glowing hand over Alec’s chest. Light-red and orange-spread like fire through his veins. Slowly, his skin gained its natural shade, his chest heaving with more depth and strength. She healed the bites lastly, and then moved her hair through the dark curls of Alec’s hair.
“What a beautiful angel,” she whispered, her voice soft like a lullaby. “You have no idea how much it hurts to break him each time. Too bad he has to pay this price… because of you.” She turned to the camera. Her eyes were ice cold, even behind the mask.

“Seven, Magnus.” The screen went black.

Magnus didn’t even have time to breathe before something slammed him to the ground. His back cracked against the stone floor with a grunt, and a blur of golden fury loomed over him.

“Jace! What the hell are you doing?!” Clary shouted.

Jace ignored her. His hand left hand clamped around Magnus’s throat, his right hand landing a punch to his face.

“What have you done?! Who is she?! What does she want from Alec?!”
His voice was pure rage. Magnus didn’t fight back. Simon lunged and tore Jace off him. Jace swung wildly, barely missing his jaw. “LET ME GO! I’M GONNA KILL HIM!”Clary and Izzy rushed in to restrain him. It took all three of them, despite Simon’s vampire strength. Magnus stayed on the ground, silent. He could have defended himself. With a flick of his wrist, he could’ve thrown Jace across the room.

But he didn’t. Because part of him agreed with Jace. This was his fault, even if he didn’t know why. His vision was blurred by tears. He tried to get up on his feet, his hands and knees shaking. There was still chaos going on right in front of him, Isabelle was trying to explain to Jace that Alec would never forgive him if he hurt Magnus. Magnus felt like their voices were coming from under water, or maybe it was him who was drowning. He swung his arms and opened a portal, his movements lacking their usual grace. He stumbled into the portal and closed it behind him, losing his balance on the soft sea sand. He ran his fingers through it, a sudden rush of peace washing over him. He had portalled himself next to the sea cabin Alec had been kept. Magnus pushed himself to his feet, and then started running along the shore. He shot his magic out, scanning, searching for any kind of abnormality. He didn’t know what exactly he was hoping to find, but he kept running. He kept running until his lungs were burning. He kept running until his knees screamed at him. He kept running until there wasn’t a single drop of magic left in his body. He kept running and then he collapsed, the sea sand spread beneath him like a soft mattress. He turned around and gazed up at the night sky, a few stars flickering despite the city lights. Magnus remembered mundanes had this strange habit of making wishes to the stars. So he closed his eyes and wished. He asked the stars to bring his lover back, and then his eyes closed as he passed out.

He woke up to the chirping of birds and the smell of grass. And the tickle from a bug walking on his face. He jerked up and smacked it away, and then he was startled by a male voice.
“Hey! You’re in the kingdom of nature. Show some respect!”
Magnus turned to look for the source of the voice. There was a Seelie knight standing a few feet away, staring down at him blankly.

“Meliorn?” Magnus forced himself to his feet, looking around. “Kingdom of nature? Am I in the Seelie court?”
“The one and only.”
Magnus examined his surroundings carefully. There was no one around except for Meliorn and himself.
“Why am I here? I need to get back to the Institute. Alec-“
“Has been taken. I’m aware.”
“Then you have to let me go! I need to go search for him.”
“You mean running all alone on the beach in the middle of the night?” Meliorn asked, Magnus tried to ignore the mock in his tone.
“I… didn’t really know what I was doing. I was desperate, and I just needed to do something.”
Meliorn walked closer, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
“I understand. But if you wish to find him, this isn’t going to take you anywhere.”
“What do you suggest I do? Because I’m totally out of answers at this point.”
Meliorn stared, his lips curving up into a smile.
“My queen wishes to see you.”

Chapter Text

Isabelle was sitting behind her desk, rewatching his brother get torn apart by vampires for the 23rd time. It was 2:17 in the morning, and her attempts at identifying the vamps searching through Clave archives were facing failure every time. She sipped on what felt like a hundredth cup of coffee, her hands jittering due to caffeine overconsumption. Her tears had dried out hours ago, there wasn’t any left to shed. A knock on the door made her gaze up from the screen after many hours of constantly staring at it. It was Clary. She was holding a small bowl of what smelled like chicken soup. It made Izzy’s stomach feel both hungry and nauseous. 

“You should take a break.” Clary spoke, walking closer to give her a hug from behind. “And you should eat something.”

Izzy sighed and nodded, taking a sip from the soup. It was warm and cozy.

“Any news from Magnus?” She asked as she took another sip.

“No. I guess he just needs some space.” 

“And how’s Jace?”

Clary sighed. “He’s… trying.”

.“I can’t imagine what either of them are going through.”

“Izzy,” Clary sat down next to her, holding her hand. “Don’t belittle your own pain just because he’s not your fiancé or parabatai. You have the right to be hurting too. He’s your family.” 

Izzy stared at her in silence, blinking her tears away.

“How’s your mom?” 

“Luke’s taking care of her. And she doesn’t know about the videos, so… she’s doing better than us.”

Clary nodded in understanding. Knowing her son was kidnapped was one thing, knowing he was getting tortured by a sick Downworlder was another story. The knock on the door made them both turn their heads around. It was Simon, holding two cups of tea in his hands.

“Hey. I knew I would find you two in here.”

The girls smiled.

***

Jace was sitting in the middle of the training room in silence. He had been sitting there for the past few hours, hugging his legs and staring blankly at the wall.

His knuckles were still bruised from when he’d punched Magnus in the face. He wished now, that Magnus had responded. Maybe that way he wouldn’t have felt like such a jerk.

His parabatai was missing and he had punched his fiancé in the face.

He shouldn’t have let this happen to Alec in the first place. They had sworn and bonded their souls together, to be there for each other. To protect and to give and to care. It felt like it had always been Alec who gave and Jace who took.

He placed his palm unconsciously on his hip, where the parabatai rune rested. The only thing that kept him sane these days was the fact that the rune was still there.

Jace had never really asked Alec about the time he’d felt him die, he’d heard from others that they had witnessed their leader crumple down to the ground and writhe in pain.

Jace had always faced pain in his life. Both physical and emotional. He welcomed it. To love is to destroy, after all. But this particular type of pain was something he would never be willing to endure. That’s why he always selfishly wished he would be the one to go first, rather than witnessing and feeling Alec’s death.

And to make matters even worse, he had punched the only man who would have understood his pain better than anyone, in the face.

Jace clenched both his jaw and fists as he had made up his mind. He rose to his feet and left the Institute in silence. He didn’t care if it was 3:00 in the morning. He was a hundred percent sure that Magnus was as wide awake as he was. Jace had to find Magnus and apologize.

***

Alec woke up to the smell of fish.

He was half naked, soaked in water, and shivering. He tried to move but realized his hands were tied behind his back. He also came to realize his head was pounding with the worst headache of his life. There was a bitter salty taste in his mouth as coughs started rocking his body. Alec groaned and dropped his head back on the floor, the clunking sound of it making him realize it was made of metal. He tried to scan his surroundings but it was impossibly dark and quiet.

All Alec could remember from the past few days was in blurs. It felt like he was constantly drugged.

He wondered how long he’d been there. Wondered if Jace or Magnus were looking for him. He wondered if they knew he was alive. 

A loud bang echoed through the room and light rushed in as a metal door cracked open.

Alec could make out a young girl stepping inside despite his blurred vision. She was weirdly tall, and there were strange sparks of green and blue on her skin. She walked closer with a slight limp and Alec thought, despite having zero interest in women, that she was the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on.

***

“The Seelie queen wants to see me? Now?”

“She does.” Meliorn answered calmly.

“You do realize that I have absolutely no time for this, right? And also, you do realize that kidnapping the High Warlock is considered a serious crime?”

“You were depleted of your magic. You were unconscious, and you were out in the middle of nowhere. You do realize that I kinda saved your butt right?”

Magnus couldn’t argue with that. He lowered his head in defeat. “You’re right. I’m grateful, but, no offense, I don’t have time for your queen’s tricky games.”

“Do you want to find your Shadowhunter or not?” Meliorn raised his voice. Magnus was speechless for a moment.

“You know where he is?” He asked, trying but failing to keep himself from getting too hopeful.

“Just follow me.”

Meliorn didn’t say anything else, he just turned around and started walking, and Magnus rushed behind him, trying to slow his heartbeat down. Soon he was surrounded by Seelies and Pixies, dancing and circling around him with their angelic beauty, trying to seduce him to join them. Magnus was far from interested to even shoot a glance at them. He had his own angel to save.

The Seelie queen was seated on her throne, the face of a little girl eying him as he walked closer.

“Magnus Bane.” Magnus bowed down.

“Your Highness.”

“Long time no see. I haven’t seen you since-“

“Since you betrayed us all and sold us out to Valentine.” Magnus cut her off.

It probably wasn’t the wisest move, considering how desperately he needed her help. The queen didn’t seem bothered though. She pushed her head back and chuckled, as if Magnus had mentioned a sweet memory they shared.

“Heard you’ve lost your lover boy.”

“And I heard you know where he is.”
The queen stared at him in silence, a smile of amusement on her lips.

“I have known you for centuries and yet I have never seen you, The Great and Almighty Magnus Bane, this miserable. How is it possible for a Downworlder to care so much about a Nephilim?”

“I’m sure you, of all people are quite familiar with how the heart works.” Magnus replied bitterly.

The Seelie queen remained silent. It was impossible to understand her thoughts or emotions. Finally, it was Magnus who broke the silence.

“Your Majesty, if there’s anything you know that could help me find him, please! I’m ready to pay any price you desire. Please help me find that warlock.”

“Warlock?”

“Yes. The woman who took Alec is a warlock who keeps sending me videos-“

“How do you know it’s a warlock?” The queen cut him off. 

“Because, she can use magic?” Magnus replied, confused. The queen kept staring at him in silence, studying his face with narrowed eyes.

“It really is strange, how love can mess with the mind.” She replied at last. Magnus was starting to lose his patience.

“Your Highness, I really need to locate this warlock, if you could help me in any-“

“Are you really that blinded by fear that you can’t distinguish the magic of your own kind?” 

Magnus stared at her with his mouth half open, “W-what do you mean?”

“Her magic felt alien, didn’t it?”

“Yes.”

The queen extended her hand out, dancing her fingers around. A green light flickered over her palm and slowly a white rose appeared, its delicate petals blooming with a slight shimmer.

“Have you forgotten that the warlocks aren’t the only species gifted with magic?”

The queen spoke, her eyes staying on the white flower. Magnus drew in a sharp breath. The Faer Folk could also use magic. How did he miss this?

“So, y-you mean it’s a Seelie who captured Alexander?” He stuttered with a trembling voice. The queen met his eyes.

“None of my people have kidnapped your lover.” She responded sharply.

Magnus wanted to argue that he didn’t believe her, but then remembered that Seelies are incapable of lying. He puffed in frustration.

“So who the hell is she?”

“Think, Magnus. Have you ever heard of any other Downworlders who can cast magic?”

Magnus furrowed his brows in confusion.

“She’s a Fairy? A Pixie?”

The queen kept staring at him without a word. Magnus desperately clawed at four hundred years’ worth of information in his brain. It was either warlocks or Faer Folk who could use magic. So it had to be a Seelie or a Fairy or… “That can’t be it…”

The queen’s lips curved slightly as she watched realization hit Magnus.

“But… how is that even possible? Who?.. Why?..”

Magnus’s eyes were wide and his mouth was gaped. It kinda made sense in ways. It explained how they couldn’t track them, it explained so much that Magnus hated himself for not thinking of this sooner. It still made no sense though.

“How?” He whispered again.

“Tell me, Magnus.” The queen was openly grinning now. “Have you ever offended a mermaid?”

Chapter Text

“A…mermaid?” Magnus stuttered, “But…why? I have never hurt a mermaid in my life!”

“Are you sure?” The queen asked with the same smirk.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Magnus replied angrily. 

“And,” The Seelie queen leaned forward, “Are you sure you can remember your entire life?”

Magnus stared. “W-what…?”

“Your memories.“

“What are you talking about? I have never erased my memories!”

The queen fell silent. “Very well then. Good luck hunting your mermaid.” She leaned back in her seat and gestured for him to leave. 

“Your highness, if there’s anything else you can help me with-“

“You already got all the help I could give you. The rest is up to you.”

 
Magnus lowered his head in defeat and thanked the queen. He left the Seelie court even more confused than he had been when he first found himself there.

“Magnus! What the fuck man?” He was startled back to himself the second he got out of the gateway. Magnus turned to the voice and realized it was Jace.

“Jace? What are you doing here?”

“I was tracking you. What are you doing at the Seelie court?”

Magnus tried to gather and sort his thoughts. He failed.

“She’s a mermaid.” He simply stated at last.

“What?” Jace looked puzzled.

“The woman who has Alexander. She’s a mermaid. That’s why we can’t track her. She’s probably underwater.”

Jace looked even more puzzled. Magnus opened a portal.

“Come on. We have a lot to do.”

Half hour later, Magnus was surrounded by three confused Shadowhunters-and an even more confused vampire.

“Wait, mermaids are real?” Simon asked with a raised eyebrow.

“All the legends are true, remember?” Clary replied.

“The question is, what the hell does a mermaid want from you? Do you know who she is?” Jace asked, not amused by their conversation.

“I have no idea. I have only met two mermaids my entire life. One was Arabella, she was the mermaid representative when  the third accords were signed. She poisoned two warlocks and tried to accuse the Shadowhunters for it. Ended up in prison.”

“She sounds lovely.“ Izzy commented. “Did you give her any reason to hate you by any chance?”

“No. We had some nice conversation, we might have flirted a bit, but that’s all.”

“Okay, what about the other one?”

Magnus smiled. “Lirael. We kinda had a relationship for a while.”

“You fucked a mermaid?” Jace cut in. Clary shot him a glare. Magnus looked irritated.

“I prefer the word “dated”. And yes, we had a romantic and sexual relationship for a while, but then we both decided to end it. We were from different worlds. Literally.”

“Ok so am I the only one wondering how you met her in the first place? And how the hell did you… you know?” Simon cut in.

Magnus wanted to roll his eyes in frustration before he realized that everyone else was also staring at him, awaiting answers.

“And the Clave claims to educate their Shadowhunters?” He shook his head. “Mermaids have the bottom half a fish when they’re underwater, but they get legs when they leave it. Although, their legs are weak and difficult to walk on. It takes lots of effort and practice. Some of them learn how to walk when they feel adventurous, or, when they feel like hooking up with men.” Magnus shrugged.

Jace looked somehow impressed. “How Alec managed to get you to settle down, I’ll never know.” Clary punched him in the chest.

“Ow!” Jace protested. Magnus wanted to argue, but it was the first time in so long he had seen Jace so cheerful, so he decided to let it slide.

“The next question is, how is she able to do magic?” Clary asked, eyes still glaring at Jace. 

“Mermaids do have magic, but it’s mostly healing magic. That’s why she’s been able to heal Alec after all those severe injuries.” Magnus explained, cursing himself once again for not having connected the dots faster.

“So, you think it can’t be either of them? I mean the two mermaids you know? So who the hell is she?” Isabelle asked.

Magnus hesitated. “Well, actually-“

His phone beeped.

Everyone fell silent. Magnus swallowed and took slow steps forward. His heart was pounding and his fingers were ice cold as he pressed play.

“Hello there Magnus!” The woman -the mermaid- greeted cheerfully. It was easier to see through her glamour now that he knew what to look for. She had pointed ears and teeth like sharks. Her turquoise mask sparkled like scales. And most importantly, Magnus could detect a slight limp. It was the same with Lirael. No amount of practice had managed to give her the legs as strong as a human’s.

“I gotta say, Alec and I are not very happy with the progress you’re making. So we decided that you need further motivation. Isn’t that right Alec?”

Alec was hanging from the wall again. He seemed disoriented. As if he was drugged. Magnus remembered how much he missed him.

“I’m afraid I had to sedate Alec a little for today’s session. You see, we wouldn’t want him to hurt himself, would we?”

Magnus’s heart dropped. What kind of pain was she going to cause him that she thought he would be hurting himself?
The mermaid stepped closer to the camera until it was only focused on her face. She held out a syringe filled with a blue liquid. Magnus felt like he could collapse as realization hit him.

“No…” he begged weakly.

“Do you recognize this Magnus? Of course you do..” 

“Magnus? What is that thing ?” Izzy asked. Magnus couldn’t talk. He just kept repeating “no” under his breath.

The woman wiggled the syringe a few times and then walked back to Alec.

“No.. no… no please no!” Magnus shook his head, begging for her to stop. Begging for this nightmare to stop. He had seen that poison before. He was aware of what it was capable of.
She injected the needle in Alec’s arm, slowly pushing the poison inside his veins. Alec groaned weakly, not able to push the sting away.

“Magnus, what is that? What’s gonna happen to him?” Jace was yelling. Magnus looked at him with glossy eyes.

“Marbas poison. Kills the victim in 20 minutes. 20 excruciating minutes. It’s known as the world’s most painful poison.”

He answered with a trembling voice. Isabelle gasped and held her mouth. Jace looked horrified, clawing his hair.
Alec groaned in his state of confusion. His head moved slowly from side to side. He looked even more confused as the pain grew more intense. He put a great struggle to open his eyes and looked around, trying to process what or who was hurting him. It didn’t take long before he started pulling against his chains and screaming.

It took 20 minutes as Magnus had declared.

20 minutes of them watching Alec scream and writhe helplessly in pain. Despite being sedated, he was fighting wildly against the chains holding him in place. Wiggling and thrashing and thrusting and looking for a way to run away from the agony. Except that it was running through his veins and there was nowhere he could escape.

“PLEASE! PLEASE! STOP PLEASE!” Alec was begging. Magnus had never heard him beg before. And then…

“MAGNUS!”

Alec screamed his name. Magnus wished he could set his magic free to burn himself down and disappear into nothingness.

“MAGNUS! MAGNUS! MAGNUS! HELP ME! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! MAGNUS MAKE IT STOP!”

Izzy was sobbing next to him. Jace had sank down on the ground and Clary was trying to soothe him with shaking hands. None of them had the heart to keep watching, and yet none of them had the heart to look away. They had to know. They had to know what he was going through and they had to know that he survived. 

Alec kept screaming. His wrists were bleeding from the effort he was making to set himself free. He kept screaming Magnus’s name. Begging him to make it stop. Begging him to help him. He screamed until his voice turned hoarse. Magnus was almost sure he had damaged his vocal cords. Gradually, the poison was damaging his organs. He started throwing up blood. His body was shaking so violently Magnus suspected that he was convulsing. Alec didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. He was just twitching and writhing weakly in his chains. Magnus had witnessed Marbas take lives twice before. There was no antidote, no turning back or healing. He was glad for their deaths the both times. He’d never thought that someday he would ever feel relieved about Alec’s death. His twitching body started going limp, his head slowly hanging low. The mermaid waited until he was completely motionless before she placed her hand on Alec’s chest. An orange light came to life and it slowly pulled the poison out of his veins. It looked like she was pulling a strand of hair out of his pale skin. Magnus had to admit, he had never seen anyone so skilled at healing magic, not even Catarina. Alec found his voice to groan hoarsely as his body returned to life. He seemed to relax as the agony finally stopped tormenting him. The mermaid stroked his damp hair and gave him a little kiss on the temple. Alec didn’t make a move except for tiny movements of breathing. Magnus let out a sigh in relief.

“Bet you’re impressed with my abilities aren’t you, Magnus?” The mermaid said walking closer to the screen. “Do you realize, that was day three? You only have six more left.” She paused to smirk coldly. “There’s so little my magic can’t heal. But I can’t predict how much more his body can take. Mortals are quite fragile, aren’t they? The clock’s ticking Magnus.” 

The screen went black. No one spoke a word. They stood in silence for several minutes. It was Izzy who broke the silence first, walking and stumbling on shaking legs.

“I…I…I gotta ch-ch-check t-the r-r-records…” Her eyes were staring blankly at nowhere. No one was able to stop or help her. They were all broken.

Magnus could still hear Alec’s screams in his head. He could hear his pleas, calling him for help. Magnus couldn’t cry anymore. Some pains were too great to be expressed with tears. He barely managed to scribble words on a piece of paper and setting it on fire, sending the message to brother Zachariah. 

Chapter Text

Zachariah didn’t waste any time answering his call. He was the kind of friend you could always rely on, and Magnus was in desperate need for those kinds of friends these days. His fire massage said he would meet Magnus in an hour in his apartment.
“How is he going to help us?” Clary asked him as they arrived in his apartment. Magnus hadn’t realized how much he missed his own home. He had spent almost every day at the Institute since Alec had gone missing. Partly to help search for Alec, and partly because he couldn’t stand the thought of finding all Alec’s stuff scattered around the house without Alec himself being present. He was glad he had something to focus on right now instead of his lover’s absence.
“The Seelie queen said something that got into my head. There’s something I need to be sure about.” Magnus explained.
“Which is?”
Magnus was about to answer when he sensed Zachariah cross his wards. Soon enough the doorbell rang. He left to open the door and greet his friend, thankful for the opportunity to skip that question. He knew he had to explain everything to them soon, but first he had to find things out himself. 
He excused himself and Zachariah to talk alone in his apothecary and used his magic to silence their conversation.
“I tried to get here as fast as I could my friend. Tell me, what is it that you need from me?” Zachariah asked without moving his lips.
“Remember that time, when I came to you and asked you to erase my memories of Alec?”
Zachariah let out a sigh. “Yes. And I am glad that I refused your request.”
“Well, I am too. But I was wondering, have I ever asked you to that before? Something that I don’t remember about?”
Zachariah looked taken aback, he stayed silent and studied his face for a second, obviously weighing his options.
“What makes you think that?” He asked at last.
“Alexander has been taken by a mermaid who’s gone through all the trouble to enter land. I need to know who she is but I don’t remember having hurt a mermaid my entire life.”
Zachariah stayed silent for a long time.
“Magnus, my friend, you have to understand, these weren’t just any memories. These were things you chose to forget, and even forget that you erased them. Remembering, might break you in ways you can’t imagine.”
Magnus took a step forward, looking him directly in the eye. “I understand. And you have to understand that I am ready to do whatever it takes to bring Alec back home. You knew what he meant to me when you refused to erase him from my mind. Please. I can’t live without him.”
Zachariah hesitated again, and then nodded his head.
“These memories belong to the time you spent in Edom, ruling beside your father.”
Magnus frowned. “I always thought I couldn’t remember those two years because Asmodeus had been messing with my head.”
“Magnus,” Zachariah spoke softly, as if it would lessen the impact if his voice was gentler. “You didn’t spend two years in Edom. You spent fifty.”
Magnus felt like the ground was shaking beneath his feet.
“F-fifty? W-what does that mean? How is that even possible?”
Zachariah sighed. “It wasn’t an easy spell to perform. Most of the things you remember from the first fifty years of your life are either altered or made up. If, you remember anything at all.”
Magnus thought about it for a second. “I always thought I remembered so little because it was a very long time ago.” He whispered. Zachariah sighed again.
“I’m sorry for all the lies you’ve been told, but you decided it was best to forget, and I agreed.”
Magnus had to sit down. It was too much to process, too much to accept.
“Did I decide to forget because terrible things had happened to me, or because I’d done terrible things to other people?” He already knew the answer. That was exactly why Alec was getting tortured for the last few days.
“I hurt her, didn’t I? The mermaid.”
“She wasn’t the only one you hurt.”
Magnus was clenching his fist tight enough to draw blood.
“Let me remember.” He spoke so firmly that Zachariah didn’t hesitate. He stepped closer, standing over him as he was seated next to his apothecary.
“You need to realize, this will be the last time you see yourself and your life the way you do right now.”
“I understand. Do it.”
Zachariah raised his hands and placed them on either side of Magnus’s head, his fingers resting against his temples. He whispered words in ancient language, so ancient that even Magnus couldn’t recognize. Magnus closed his eyes as realization hit him: He was almost about to lose Alexander again because of his father. His thoughts and his rage were cut short as Zachariah finished chanting his spell. Magnus back arched violently as if he was suddenly connected to electricity. His eyes fell wide open but he couldn’t see his apartment anymore. He was in Edom.

Loud shrieks of pain tore through the air as he pressed the hundredth silver nail right in the middle of the Werewolf’s sternum. His wrists were burned and blistered where he was tied to the ground by silver chains. He had lost the sanity to form words a long time ago, so he wasn’t begging for mercy anymore. He twitched weakly as his last breaths left his body, a hundred nails of silver scattered across his body. Magnus stood by and watched his work as the wolf closed his eyes for the last time.

The vampire girl had taken longer to break. There was a certain beauty in the way females were more tolerant of pain. He was using iron cuffs this time as thin rays of sunlight shot from his left palm, drawing a big star across the girl’s face. Holy water wasn’t an option in Edom. He closed his eyes and listened to the girl’s pleas, feeling her pain feed his and his father’s powers.
Unstoppable. Untouchable. That’s what his father had promised when he first found him starving on the streets of Indonesia. He didn’t have to suffer again. He wouldn’t need to hide his real eyes again. He would be safe, and wanted, and strong. And he was. Asmodeus had been true to his words.

“I’m tired of vampires and werewolves. Bring me a Nephilim.” His father requested one day. And he did. He captured a Shadowhunter on a lonely mission one night. He spent the following three days peeling his runes off his flesh one at a time. Somehow it felt even more blissful to break an angel.

“Get me a mermaid.” His father asked. Magnus portalled to Venice, where he knew ancient families of mermaids resided. His father he asked for one. He captured nine instead. His father was pleased. Proud.
They kept the creatures in a glass tank, the air in Edom too dry and hot for them to survive. His father gave clear instructions: Pick them one by one. Get them tied with their bottom half in water and their torso outside. Let them die slowly as the others watch, waiting for their own turn to come. Seven days later there were only two of them left: Nymera and Muirenna. 
Magnus knew they were lovers. It was in the way they were holding each other and offering comfort. That was precisely why he had left them last.
On the eighth day, it was Muirenna’s turn to go. Her lover cried and screamed and tried to stop Magnus from taking her, but of course she was no match to his strength. Nymera watched her lover’s skin slowly crack outside water, her lips and her tears drying. She whispered words of comfort and love as Muirenna took her last breaths, promising to follow her and find her in the afterlife. Magnus was going to make her wish come true the following day before his father stopped him.
“She’s had a fate worse than death. Release her.”
Nymera went hysteric at that, begging for the sweet relief of death as Magnus took her back to her home and threw her back in water. The last words he heard were the mermaid’s hysterical promises of revenge as he portalled himself back to Hell.

“Magnus! Magnus! Can you hear me?”
“What the hell have you done to him?”
“He just needs time.”
“Needs time? He’s been crying and screaming his lungs out for the past fifteen minutes! Aren’t you gonna do something?”
“There’s nothing we can do to help him. He needs to face this alone.”
“Face what alone? What did you show him?” Jace barked in rage. Everyone was surprised at how protective he was acting, considering that not long ago he had punched this very guy in the face.
“He asked me to give him back some memories that I had taken a very long time ago. Memories he thought would help you find Alexander. Memories that I had erased on his own demand.” Zachariah answered calmly.
“Well what were they? Why is he reacting this way?” Clary asked, trying to hold a sobbing Magnus.
“That is not my question to answer.” Zachariah simply replied and turned to leave. Everyone watched him disappear through the door before turning their attention back to Magnus, who still didn’t seem to see any of them despite having his eyes wide open. He was clutching the rug tightly with both hands, lying on his back and staring at nothing. He had stopped screaming and was just taking rapid, pained breaths. 
Clary wished Alec was there. He would’ve known what to do, he would’ve known how to calm him down.
Magnus’ tense body seemed to relax a little as his eyelids drifted shut. He seemed to either pass out or fall asleep.

The twitching and writing Nephilim was looking at him through tearful eyes.
“Please… please stop. I can’t… please show mercy.”
His father was humming in content at his pain, feeling power run through his veins.
Magnus sunk the dagger back under his skin, peeling another Rune away as the man howled in agony.

“No. No. No. Stop. Stop. Stop.”
There was the nagging voice in his head again. It had gotten stronger since the moment he had touched and captured the Nephilim.

“Don’t do it. Stop. Stop. Don’t.”

The dagger slipped from his hand and fell to the ground with a clutter. It was as if his fingers had loosened up without his control.

“What seems to be the matter, my boy?” Asmodeus asked, approaching him. Magnus felt his heart pick up its beat. Recently, he felt nervous around his father and he didn’t quite understand why.

“N-nothing, father. My hands are a bit sweaty, that’s all.” He tried to act cool.
“Hmmm.” The demon hummed, placing his hands on his temples. “But your hands never get sweaty.”
Magnus opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a sudden wave of electricity running through his body. The voice in his head fell silent. The worry and doubt leaving his heart. He blinked twice before reaching for the knife, turning to move to the next Rune on the Nephilim’s chest. His shrieks echoed through the stone walls of the castle as his father showed off his power to the entire realm.

Magnus woke up with a violent gasp for air, clutching at his throat for a breath. His heart was drumming wildly in his ears as his eyes tried to make out his surroundings in the dark. 
So many lives.
So many innocent lives, taken by his hands. So many tortured souls trapped in hell for the amusement of his father. And he had been his puppet for fifty-three years straight.
Magnus felt like he could die any moment without the ability to fill his lungs with oxygen. He was clutching tightly at the pillow next to him. The scent filled his nostrils.

Alexander.

A slight wave of comfort washed over him before he remembered everything: Alexander was in danger. Alexander was getting tortured because he had captured and tortured and killed a mermaid’s sisters and her lover. She had waited for centuries to take revenge, and it would all be Magnus’s fault if she succeeded.

Chapter Text

Magnus laid in the darkness until the sun lit up the room, staring blankly at the ceiling. Three times he dragged himself to the bathroom and threw up bile as his mind reviewed the memories of countless Downworlders, mundanes and Shadowhunters getting torn apart by his own hands. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. At the broken man he couldn’t recognize anymore. He had stopped wearing makeup several days ago, he didn’t see any point in anything other than searching for Alec. His hair was messy, falling over his forehead and eyes. His stomach twisted as he met his own eyes. His glamour was down and his golden cat eyes took him straight back to Edom, to his father’s dungeon. His belly spasmed again but there was nothing else left to throw up. He gripped the edges of the sink as he was hunched over, gasps and sobs breaking the silence and shaking his torso. Magnus wasn’t sure if he was alone in the apartment, he probably wasn’t. He knew others were able to hear him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He couldn’t remember ever needing Alexander’s presence by his side so much. He wasn’t even sure if Alec would still look at him the same and love him the same if he found out about who he really was. Knowing he was the son of  Asmodeus was one thing, knowing he had done his dirty work for fifty years straight was another. Magnus took a few shaking deep breaths, splashing cold water on his face. If there was one thing he had learned from Alec and the other Shadowhunters, it was to swallow down his feelings in the critical moments and take time to mourn later. There was no time to waste. Alexander was in a greater danger than they thought, and they finally had a clue to follow. He would have enough time to shatter and grieve after Alec was safe, and Magnus would hold him forever if he would still allow him to. He didn’t glance at the mirror again as he left the bathroom. 
It was bright outside and Clary was waiting for him, still wearing her pajamas. She looked like she had woken up only a few minutes ago. Out of all the people in the group, Magnus was glad it was Clary who was seeing him like this.

“Magnus? Are you ok?” She asked as she stepped closer and gave him a hug.

Magnus hugged her back and wondered if she would still want to hold him the same if he told her everything.

“I’m alright biscuit.” He lied with a fake smile.
“Magnus, whatever brother Zachariah showed you, you went absolutely hysterical after that. You just kept screaming and crying and breaking stuff with your magic. It took us half an hour to get you to calm down.”

Magnus remained silent. Clary stepped closer.

“Magnus? What’s going on?”

He studied her face, hesitating. He knew he had to tell them the truth if he wanted to have their help. He knew they were his friends, soon to be his family. But he had never met anyone who looked at his cat eyes without flinching away, except for Alec.

“I just realized,” Magnus answered after a long pause, “that I’m in fact fifty years older than I thought. That I have spent those fifty years in Edom, possessed and controlled by my father to torture hundreds of innocent people. That it took me fifty fucking years to break his hold on me. That I decided to erase all those memories because I was too much of a coward to face the consequences of the horrible things I’d done. That Alexander is paying the price for all of it right now. That even if we manage to save him, he’s probably going to hate me for all the things he has gone through and for the monster that I actually am.”

He knew he was crying. He was aware of the teardrops trailing down his face. He was also aware that Clary didn’t know what to say.

“Oh Magnus” she whispered at last as she pulled him close. “Do you remember the time Alec was possessed by a demon and was made to kill my mom?”

“That was different biscuit-“

“-Yes.” Clary interrupted, “That was different. You were controlled by a greater demon who also happened to be your father. And you managed to defeat him and escape. So yes, it was different.”

“Clary…”

“What did you tell him, Magnus?” She held his hand kindly, her eyes glistening with tears at the reminder of her mother. “When Alec came to you, when he was drowning in guilt and self-loathe. What did you tell him?”

A teardrop slid down his face. “I told him that it wasn’t his fault. That it wasn’t him who killed Jocelyn.”

“Yes. And now, I’m telling you. It wasn’t you, Magnus. It wasn’t your fault.”

They both smiled at each other, visions blurred by tears.

“Alec needs you Magnus.” 

“And I know how to help him.”

He let go of Clary’s hand gently, and used his magic to erase the traces of tears from his face. Walking out the bedroom and entering the hall, he found Izzy, Simon and Jace having breakfast in the kitchen.

“Good morning children.” He greeted, walking past them and inside his apothecary. He went for his box of memories, the one he kept a piece of each of his former lovers inside. It didn’t take long for him to find what he was looking for: A necklace, shaped like a teardrop with a greenish blue liquid glowing inside the delicate glass. He stroked it with his thumb, his lips curving as he remembered good old memories.

“What is that, Magnus?” 

“This, my dear Isabelle, is how we’re going to summon a mermaid.”

****

Everyone watched curiously as he stepped to the edge of the old, wooden quay, dropping the liquid inside the necklace in the sea. 

“That’s it?” Asked Simon.

“What were you expecting?” 

“I don’t know, some sparkles?”

Magnus dangled his legs off the edge, sitting down on the wooden floor.

“You want magic? Wait till you see her.”

“Is she that pretty?” Isabelle asked, sitting down next to him.

“Oh, like the angels.” Magnus smiled.

“Look!” Clary pointed at the surface of the water a few meters away, where it started swirling around and shaping a small whirlpool.

“What’s that?”

“That, is a water portal.” Magnus explained.

“There are portals under water?” 

“Wow, you guys really know nothing about mermaids, do you?”

No one had the chance to answer as a woman’s head suddenly broke out of the water. Everyone held their breath. The mermaid smiled as she spotted Magnus and swam towards them, her scarlet tail shining under the sunlight. Magnus hunched down, holding his hand out for her to take. She gripped it firmly as Magnus pulled her up, helping her out the water. Her tail dangled off the quay, scales of scarlet and pink shining like rubies, and then slowly transformed to two human legs. Some of her scales still remained on her skin, scattered over her thighs and calves and arms. No one could speak a word, mesmerized by her beauty. She had long, black hair and eyes the color of the ocean. Her ears were pointed and her teeth were sharp like a shark’s when she smiled at Magnus. Magnus held her hand and waist, helping her to her feet. She couldn’t let go of him as her legs were shaking under her weight. 

“Magnus..” She smiled warmly and wrapped her arms around him, giving him a tight hug. Clary was kinda glad Alec wasn’t there with them. She noticed, despite having just left the water, the mermaid wasn’t wet at all. She also realized that she was completely naked.

“Oops!” She chuckled as she let Magnus go, swinging her arm gracefully around herself and creating a delicate lace dress around herself.

“Thank you for answering my call, my dearest Lirael.” Magnus smiled warmly.

“Any time! How have you been Magnus? God it’s been such a long time!”

“It surely has.”

Lirael smirked playfully. “Hanging out with  Shadowhunters?” She pointed at them with her head. “Heard you’re getting married to one. Is that the lucky guy?” She asked, pointing at Jace. Jace was startled.

“What?? Eww! No!”

“No, that’s Jace. He’s Alexander’s brother. Alec’s not with us right now. In fact, that’s why we need your help.”
Lirael frowned in confusion.

“Alec’s been taken Lirael. He was kidnapped by a mermaid named Nymera. She’s torturing him, and she’s going to kill him. Please, I need your help to find him.”

“Nymera?” Lirael repeated.

“You know her?”

“I don’t know her personally, no. But I know she lives near by. I’ve heard stories.”

“Stories?”

“Yes. They say she lost her sisters and her lover many years ago, and that she went mad after that. She’s been living alone, moving from a place to another. She used to live around London but has moved to New York recently.”

Magnus sighed, closing his eyes. So she’d been following him all these years.

“We can’t track Alec, our magic and runes don’t work under water. Can you help us do it?” Jace asked impatiently. All of them were restless at the possibility of finding Alec soon.

“Yes, of course I can.” 

Jace searched his pockets, taking out one of Alec’s arrowheads and handing it to Lirael. Lirael closed her eyes and held it in her scaled hand, before slowly walking backwards to the edge of the quay. She opened her arms and jumped, disappearing under the water. A minute or two passed as they all stared at the still surface, and then Lirael came back up. They looked at her with hopeful eyes, and she smiled brightly at them. 

“I know where he is.”

Magnus felt his knees nearly give out. Judging by their reaction, everyone else seemed to be in the same state. They helped Lirael out the water, Jace holding her like she was the most important thing in the world.

“They’re not very far away. I can show you the way.”

“Okay then let’s go!” Clary cheered in excitement.

“It’s not that simple.” Jace told her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, first of all, they could be hundreds of feet under the water.” Lirael answered. “You can’t breathe down there, you can’t fight down there, and you can’t use magic down there.” She turned to look at Magnus.

“What? Why?” Clary asked.

“It’s not our territory. Just like the Seelie court.” Magnus explained. 

“How is she even keeping Alec alive down there?”

“She must be using wards to keep the water out.” Lirael explained.

“We need a plan.” Jace said, already running a hundred different possibilities in his head. “We can dive. We’ve been trained for that.”

“I can make a potion that’ll help us breathe under water.” Magnus suggested.

“Wait, Lirael, you said she has wards to keep Alec alive, right? Can’t you just portal us inside that place?” Clary asked. 

“Her wards could be blocking out portals, and we can’t risk breaking them. Alec’s life depends on it.”

“No portalling. We need to sail there.” Jace decided. “Then, we can dive. Lirael will show us the way. And then we can fight once we step inside whatever place she’s keeping Alec in.”

“How are we going to sail?”

“I have a boat.” Magnus announced. Everyone looked surprised.

“You have a boat?” Simon repeated. 

Magnus smiled, putting his hand around Lirael’s waist. “How do you think we met?”

“Man, how rich are you?”

Magnus couldn’t answer how rich he was because they were all silenced by a beep. 
It was Magnus’s phone. A new video had arrived.

“Bitch!” Jace yelled in frustration and turned away, kicking madly at a rock. 

“What’s going on?” Lirael asked in confusion.

“It’s Nymera.” Magnus explained bitterly. “She sends us daily videos of almost killing Alec and then saving him the last second.”

“Oh my god!” Lirael breathed. Magnus played the video and everyone gathered around to watch.

Nymera greeted them, saying she had decided to go easy on Alec that day, because Marbas had hurt him badly. Turned out her definition of “going easy” was locking Alec in a glass tank, hands and legs tied, and drowning him under slowly rising water. He fought madly, trying to kick and break the glass, his silenced screams leaving his mouth in bubbles. Magnus’s hand was shaking so badly Clary had to take the phone from him. Nymera waited for Alec to go completely still before opening the tank and emptying out the water. It took her a few minutes to clear Alec’s lungs from all the water he had swallowed, allowing him to breathe again. She stood by and watched as he gasped for air, coughing with widened eyes. Nymera gestured a four with her fingers at the screen and then the video ended.

“Oh my god!” Lirael repeated. “Magnus, oh god I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through.” She whispered and pulled Magnus in her embrace.

“Help us find him Lirael. Please. I can’t lose him.” Magnus begged weakly.

“You won’t lose him. I promise, we’ll find him.”

Chapter Text

“Magnus…” Alec softly breathed his name as he licked the sweet spot right under the head of his cock. He had his hands tangled in Magnus’s spiked hair, careful not to pull too tight to cause any pain. Magnus moaned with his lips still wrapped around his shaft, and the vibrations made Alec groan out loud throwing his head back. His chest was rising and falling in pants and his skin was glistening with sweat. 
Magnus had kept him hot and moaning and wrecked for longer than an hour now.
The fingers buried deep inside his hole curled, massaging his already sensitive prostate. 

“Magnus! Magnus please!” Alec panted wildly, the fingers curled around his hair pulling harder. 

Magnus groaned, his own cock pressed tightly and neglected inside his tight leather pants. They had both had enough.
Slowly, Magnus drew his fingers out, making Alec howl at the emptiness.

“Shhh, it’s ok angel. I’m gonna take care of you.” Magnus cooed softly as he climbed onto the bed, using his magic to strip himself of his clothings. Alec’s hand immediately came to curl around his hardness, using the precum gathered on the head as lube and began to stroke. Magnus gasped, arching his back and breathing his name. “Alexander…”

Alec caught his mouth with his own and swallowed his groans.

“Fuck me.” He whispered against Magnus’s lips. Magnus smirked, diving for Alec’s neck. He licked and sucked, ignoring Alec’s whimpers and leaving his marks. Alec was grinding his cock against his, desperately looking for some friction. Magnus held him down, one hand keeping both of his hands pinned down over his head and the other forcing his hips still. Of course, Alec could set himself free easily, but he was giving his control away to Magnus, and Magnus loved seeing him desperate, moaning and panting and begging him for more.

His lips found Alec’s, biting hard and swallowing his groans. His own cock was throbbing angrily against Alec’s, both demanding attention.

“What do you want, angel?” Magnus breathed against Alec’s lips.

“Please, need you. Magnus, please!” Alec panted.

Magnus chuckled, giving him a quick peck on the lips before slamming his cock, balls deep inside him. There was no need to prep him, he was already loose and hot after all the teasing. Alec’s eyes went wide at the sudden stretch, his head thrown back in pleasure. Magnus licked his bobbing Adam’s apple, leaving another hicky as he started to move. Alec bit and moaned against his shoulder as Magnus adjusted his angle, hitting his prostate with every single thrust.

“Magnus…” Alec panted, fighting to set his hands free. “Please, I need…need…”

Magnus groaned, feeling impossibly close. He knew Alec was the same and all he needed was a single touch.

“Cum for me, angel.” He moaned in Alec’s ear as he increased the speed and force of his thrusts, his right hand releasing its hold on Alec’s hands to wrap around his dripping cock. The bed squeaked with the force of his thrusts. Alec dug his nails in his back and panted as he felt his orgasm building in his gut. 
He felt Magnus’s heat spread deep inside him as he tipped over the edge, groaning like an animal and keeping up his pounding to bring Alec the same pleasure. Alec came a second later, calling his name and scratching his back. Magnus’s limp body fell over Alec’s, both of them panting and trying to catch their breaths.

“You… you are mean!” Alec managed to say.

“And you like it when I’m mean.” Magnus answered back, trailing his tongue along the deflect rune on his neck.

Alec rolled them over so they were laying facing each other, staring at each other’s eyes. Over the course of his four-hundred year long life, Magnus had never seen a more beautiful pair of eyes. And then Alec gave him the brightest smile in the world, his eyes shining under the moonlight that poured inside the room through the windows. He snuggled closer, planting gentle kisses over Magnus’s lips, either one of his cheeks, his eyes, the tip of his nose and finally a single one on his forehead. Magnus was overwhelmed by all the affection, thanking all the angels for finally sending him someone who loved him so deep. 

“I love you.” Alec whispered, and Magnus thought to himself, “This is it. This is what happiness looks like. This is what it feels like to be whole.”

****

Magnus woke up in tears and choking on the lump in his throat. “I love you too.” He whispered to no one, and was startled by a voice.

“It didn’t seem like a dream you wanted to wake up from, so I let you sleep.”
 
Magnus forced himself to a seated position to find Lirael’s back turned to him. She was standing behind the helm, steering the boat on the right direction.

“How long was I asleep?” He asked, trying to recover, and trying to wipe his tears.

“Maybe ten, fifteen minutes. You really looked like you needed the rest.”

Magnus stood up to walk to her side, taking the helm to let her rest. He knew that despite all her efforts, it was still difficult for Lirael to stand on her feet.

“Lirael, there’s something you need to know.” Magnus began to say before he was interrupted by her.

“You were the reason her family died, weren’t you?” She asked, staring at his eyes. “It wasn’t that difficult to put the pieces together.”

Magnus stared at her in surprise. “If you knew, then why did you agree to help me?”

“Because I know who you are now, and I don’t care who you were three hundred years ago.” She smiled. “And, even if you were the most horrible evil monster in the world, your fiancé doesn’t deserve to go through all this. He’s innocent.”

Magnus felt his heart break at the mention of Alec.

“It was Asmodeus.” Magnus explained. “He found me, when I was a homeless orphan starving on the streets of Indonesia. He offered me love, and a home where I could belong, without anyone despising me for my eyes. So I took his hand and let him take me to Edom. He poisoned my mind every single day that I spent with him. He gave me power, but that power was evil, it made me do evil things. Lirael, I swear. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t want to hurt them.” A sob escaped his throat as he remembered Nymera, desperately screaming and begging him to stop hurting Muirenna. Lirael embraced Magnus tightly, and Magnus, despite all the sorrow in his heart, smiled at the familiar smell of seaweed. The Faer Folk were known by everyone to have the beauty of angels and the mischief of demons, but Magnus always believed that Lirael was the closest thing to an angel he had ever known. They stayed like that in silence for a while, Magnus tried to focus on Lirael’s soft humming of reassurance, trying to replace it with the screams dancing around in his head. Screams of the mermaids, the vampires, the Nephilim, and the screams of Alexander. Calling for him, begging him to make it all stop.

“I need to go back to the water, make sure we’re on the right route.” Lirael’s voice brought him back to the present, “Are you feeling better?”

Magnus nodded and thanked her for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He followed her elegant figure with his gaze as she walked past the others, gathered around on the deck. Jace and Isabelle were trying to teach Simon and Clary how to use the diving equipment. They were going to use Magnus’s potion to breathe under water, so they wouldn’t have to take oxygen tanks with them. Lirael had also put spells on them to help them move easier under the water. They had spent a few hours making plans, but Magnus still didn’t feel too good about it. They were entering an alien territory, without even knowing what was awaiting them. Each of them had a spare bottle of potion in their pocket for Alec and whoever managed to get to him first was supposed to feed it to him, so that he wouldn’t suffocate in case the wards broke. Lirael was supposed to portal them to the surface in case things got out of control. And if they were to face Nymera, they were going to negotiate first, trying to get her to cooperate. 
Magnus spotted Lirael’s sparkling tail in the middle of the ocean, and adjusted the helm to follow behind her. About ten minutes later, she gestured for Magnus to stop.
Magnus felt his heart skip a beat. 

“This is it.” He thought to himself. “He’s here.” 

His magic sparked on the tips of his fingers, eager to be out. Eager to claim what was taken. The idea of having to fight without his magic was giving him anxiety.

“I found them. They’re close.” He heard Lirael tell the others as they helped her back onto the deck. “There’s a bunker about a hundred feet deep under the water. I made you stop before we were too close so that she wouldn’t notice us coming.”

“I…” Everyone turned to Jace who seemed to be struggling with his words. His eyes were wide open. “I… I can feel him.” His hand flew over his hip, to his parabatai rune. “He’s really here. I can feel him!” 

Magnus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Although he trusted Lirael and her abilities, it was still a huge spark of hope to know that Alec really was close.
For the first time after nine days, they were all smiling. 

“He’s scared. And he’s cold. We need to get going.”

 With that, their little moment of celebration was over and everyone concentrated back on the mission. They all got their equipment ready.

Clary tried hard to ignore the fact that she was about to dive one hundred feet deep under the water, in the middle of the ocean. She took a few deep breaths, trying to get her fingers to stop trembling. Everyone clicked their bottles together before downing the potion Magnus had made. Lirael and Jace were discussing the final steps, Isabelle and Simon were holding each other for encouragement and Magnus seemed lost in his thoughts staring deeply at the water, as if he could vividly see Alec through it.

“Ok, everyone ready?” Lirael asked, loud and clear.

Everyone gathered on the edge of the deck, ready to jump. Clary felt her heart pounding in her chest as she closed her eyes, taking Jace’s hand tightly and leaping into the sea. Her body was paralyzed for the few seconds by the coldness of the water. It took a while for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, and as soon as she was able to clearly see her surroundings, she realized there was something wrong. She spotted a giant cube from far away, probably the bunker Lirael had told them about, but it was moving, sinking rapidly towards the bottom of the ocean. That’s when she noticed Lirael, swimming in circles around them, as if looking for something, or someone. Clary felt Jace’s hand grab her arm and pull her to the surface. She took her goggles off the moment her head was outside the water. 
“What’s going on?” Clary asked Jace. That’s when she noticed, that Jace looked terrified.

“I can’t feel him anymore. He’s not here. The bunker…The bunker is sinking…”

“Where’s Magnus?” Isabelle yelled from a few meters away.

Clary and Jace looked around frantically. That’s when Lirael returned to the surface. She looked as terrified as Jace.

“They’re gone. Alec and Magnus, they’re both gone!”

“What do you mean they’re gone?”

“The second we touched the water, I saw a portal open and take Magnus inside. I tried to catch him but it closed before I could get to him. And then the bunker collapsed and I lost the tracking signal.”
Lirael was panting. It was the first time Clary saw her so panicked. “She was expecting us. She knew we were coming.”

****

Magnus felt impossibly cold, his entire body was shaking and freezing. He felt dizzy and sick and he couldn’t breathe. He opened his mouth to scream, but his mouth and throat was filled with water. The cold had paralyzed his limbs. He was panicking by second, violent coughs ripping through his body as he was fighting for air.

“Magnus? Magnus?”

A pair of hands were trying to restrain him as he was fighting for his life. He tried to hit his opponent with a blast of magic, but it felt like his magic was also drowning under the water. He gasped wildly in panic, surprised to realize that this time it was air that filled his lungs.

“Magnus? Magnus look at me! Magnus!”

It was then that he realized his eyes were closed. He slowly parted his eyelids, the darkness taking a few seconds to adjust to. His mouth tasted bitter and salty. He tried to figure out his surroundings before his name was called again.

“Magnus?”

His heart skipped a beat and his breath caught in his throat. He knew this voice. He turned his head and a pair of hazel eyes were staring directly at him.

“Alexander!”

Chapter Text

“Alexander! Alexander!” Magnus kept repeating his name like a prayer as he forced himself up and crushed Alec in his arms. Tears poured down his face and sobs shook his body.

“Oh god! Oh god! It’s you! It’s really you!” His voice was barely audible as his throat was crushed with the lump inside. Alec was there. Alec was alive. Alec was in his arms.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Alec mumbled weakly against his shoulder. Magnus shut his eyes tightly to stop more tears from flowing out, but it was no use. He clawed tightly at Alec’s bare back, burying his face in his neck and inhaled. He was able to catch a hint of Alec’s scent under the smell of seaweed and sweat and something floral Magnus couldn’t recognize. He felt warm to the touch, in contrast to Magnus’s freezing body.
Magnus released him from his hold to cup his face, “Are you alright my love? Are you hurt?”
Alec just smiled at him. “Everything’s alright.” He mumbled. Magnus pulled him close and kissed him. He kissed him like he was the air he breathed, urgent and raw and hungry.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” He kept whispering against his lips. He could feel Alec’s smile.

“Everything’s alright.” He repeated. “Just, please. Promise not to disappear this time.”

Magnus froze. “W-what?”

Alec’s eyes were closed. He pressed his forehead against Magnus’s.

“You always disappear. You promise you won’t, but you always do.” 

 That’s when it hit him: Alec thought he was a hallucination. His heart shattered to a thousand pieces.

“Hey, hey, no, Alec! Alec look at me!”
He held  Alec’s face in both his hands, forcing him to stare at his eyes. His hazel eyes looked black in the darkness. “It’s me, Alec, ok? It’s really me. I’m here, you’re not alone anymore.”

Alec looked lost, his eyes unfocused. He smiled and repeated, “Everything’s alright.”

His body was going limp, Magnus had to hold his shoulders to keep him upright.

“Alec? Darling are you okay?”

“Oookay.” Alec slurred, his head falling back.
Magnus tried to shake him awake but Alec just spoke incoherently under his breath. Magnus realized then that he wasn’t just warm- he was burning.

“Alec! Alec did she give you something?”

Magnus forced one of his eyes open and found that his pupil was dilated. There was no doubt. He was poisoned: The fever, the dilated pupils, that floral smell. It was Cataplasm. The poison mermaids made from nightshade and demon venom. He tried to heal him with his magic, pull the poison out, but his magic was still out of reach. Alec had gone completely silent and still at that point, barely breathing.

“No, no, Alec! Please, look at me! Alec?”
There was no answer.

He’s dying. A voice yelled inside his head.

“Nymera!” He screamed his lungs out, looking around frantically. “Nymera please! He’s dying! Please! Help him!”

He blinked his tears away to check on Alec again. His pulse was barely detectable, his breathing completely absent.

“Alec? Alec, love, please stay with me, please!”

He jumped as he heard the click of a door. Light poured inside the room as Nymera walked in, her legs covered in scales of green. 

“Nymera…” Magnus began, but she yanked him away with a blast of green magic. He hit the wall with a crunch, grunting in pain. Nymera knelt down next to Alec, running her fingers through his hair. Magnus tried to get back on his feet, but was held back by a pair of metal chains.

“Nymera!” Magnus called again, but she acted like he was invisible. She drew out a knife, and Magnus held his breath. She twisted the knife in her hand, slicing a small cut in her palm. Blood slowly trickled down her wrist, and she held it over Alec’s slightly open mouth. 
Of course, Magnus remembered: The antidote for Cataplasm is mermaid blood. 
A minute or two passed in silence, and then Alec gasped for air. Magnus released the breath he was holding. That’s when Nymera finally met his eyes, and Magnus was taken aback by the coldness deep inside.

“That’s five.” She announced calmly.

She healed her bleeding hand with the healthy one, and stared at her palm for several seconds. She then rose to her feet gracefully, not paying a second glance at Magnus as she walked away and closed the door behind.

“Nymera! Nymera please, listen to me! Let me talk to you please!” Magnus yelled again and again, but received no answer. He accepted defeat at last, sitting quietly in the darkness. Alec seemed to be peacefully asleep, so there wasn’t much to be worried about- for now. He scanned his surroundings, trying to figure out a way to escape, with no luck. The room was empty, no windows visible. Judging by the fact that he still had no access to his magic, they were probably underwater. The thought made a shiver run down his spine. He was starting to wonder if he had a phobia of the ocean. He rested his eyes on Alec’s still body, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Magnus remembered all the horrible things he had gone through the past few days, facing death again and again all alone. His heart ached for his angel.

“Alec? Alec, darling can you hear me?”

He waited but Alec showed no signs of consciousness. Magnus sighed and tilted his head back, resting against the wall behind. His body shivered again. The place was really cold, and his clothes were still damp. His eyelids started to feel heavy, and despite everything he managed to fall asleep.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed when he woke up to a soft humming. It was Nymera, sitting next to Alec’s motionless body, stroking his hair.

“Do you think he will ever forgive you? For all the things that happened to him because of you?” She mumbled with her eyes still locked on Alec’s face. “When he takes his final breath, knowing that he died simply because he fell in love with a monster?”

Magnus clenched his fists and his jaw. It was a question he had asked himself a billion times before. “Nymera, I’m begging you. Please let him go. You can have me, you can do whatever you want to me, but please. He has done nothing wrong.”

“Neither did I. Or Muirenna. We hadn’t done anything wrong either. Did you show us mercy?” She tilted her head to stare Magnus in the eyes. Magnus grimaced, as if the words had physically hurt him.

“You have every right to hate me, to want revenge. But please, not Alexander. He’s innocent. He has done so many good things, saved so many lives. He doesn’t deserve this, please!” Magnus was welling up at this point. “Nymera, you’re immortal, I’m immortal. You can torture me for eternity. Please-“
“I am torturing you for eternity, Magnus. You will be living for centuries, hearing his screams in your nightmares. Seeing his corpse whenever you close your eyes. Just like I did.”
Magnus didn’t know what to do anymore. He had never felt so desperate in his life. He tried to fight against the chains but they wouldn’t let him loose. Nymera walked to him, lowering herself so that she was facing him.

“You have no idea how long I waited for you to find true love. This had to be done with the right person. Someone that would break you to lose them. I waited, for three centuries I waited. And then I heard the rumors: Magnus Bane was getting married, to a Nephilim. You always hated the Nephilim, so this one must’ve been quite special. That’s when I knew, it was time.”
Magnus fell silent. He knew, at that certain moment he realized that no amount of begging would convince her. Revenge was her only reason of existence, and she was not going to give it up.

“Tell me, Magnus,” she whispered, “Do you remember the werewolves?”
Magnus was confused, but then she waved her hands in the air and Alec’s quiver, filled with dozens of arrows appeared in her hand. Magnus widened his eyes, shaking his head madly. “No, please no!”
“One hundred nails of silver, pushed through their entire body. Do you remember?”
“Please, please don’t!”
Nymera ignored her and raised to her feet. She had restrained Alec while Magnus was asleep, and with a flicker of her fingers Alec was awake. He looked around, confused. Then he spotted Magnus, blinking twice.

“M-Magnus?”

“I’m here darling, I’m right here.” Magnus replied with tears trickling down his face.

“I-I thought you were a dream.”

“Look at him, Alec.” Nymera smiled. “He’s the reason behind all your agony.”

She slowly pulled out an arrow from the quiver, twisting it in her hand.

“W-what?” Alec stuttered.

“Please…” Magnus begged.

Nymera ignored them both, slowly lowering the tip of the arrow to Alec’s left forearm. She pushed the sharp tip through the flesh, deliberately going slow to extend his agony. Alec threw his head back and screamed.

“One.” Nymera counted when the arrow tip was all the way in.

****

“Where the hell are they? How are we going to find them now?” Jace paced up and down, clawing his hair. “They could be anywhere. Literally, ANYWHERE!”

No one had anything to say. Even Lirael couldn’t track them now. 

“Maybe we could ask other mermaids for help? We could make more progress if we had more people searching.” Isabelle suggested.

“It would still take too long. You know that two third of the Earth is covered with water, right?” Jace answered in frustration.

“How did she even know that we were coming? She was obviously expecting us!”

Lirael said. “Someone must’ve warned her.”

“That’s not important right now. We only have four days left to save Alec before that maniac decides to kill him!”

“We need the help of something bigger and stronger than ourselves.” Clary said, more to herself than the others.

“You mean like an angel?” 

“Exactly.”

“But Ithuriel is dead, and Raziel already granted your wish.” Isabelle said.

“I can try to summon another angel. Jace, we can do it together, maybe they’ll answer faster.”

Jace considered it for a moment and nodded. “I’m willing to try anything at this point.”

****

“Fifty six.” Nymera announced. Magnus had no more tears left to shed. Alec had no more energy left to scream. He twitched and choked on his breath as the arrow slid inside his right thigh. Under normal conditions, he would have bled to death at this point, but Nymera was stopping any bleeding. She was also keeping Alec awake, not allowing him the relief of passing out.

“Please…” Magnus whispered, his own voice hoarse from all the screaming and begging. Nymera moved to take another arrow but found the quiver empty.

“Oops. We’re out of arrows.” She giggled. “Hmm, I guess we only have one option now.”

She closed her fingers around one of the arrows that was sticking out of Alec’s stomach, and yanked it out without a warning. Alec’s eyes went wide in horror as the pain left him out of breath. Before he could process what was happening, the same arrow was shoved into his left shoulder.

“Fifty seven.”

Chapter Text

Alec’s body gave a weak jerk as Nymera pulled the last arrow out of his body. He had lost consciousness long ago, despite all of Nymera’s efforts to keep him awake. There was still no blood, her magic stopping the flow, but all his internal organs were damaged. Magnus had lost his voice after hours of crying and screaming. His eyes were swollen red, his head throbbing with pain. He felt like a boneless doll, unable to keep himself upright, unable to move. The only thing that helped him keep his composure was the wall he was leaning his weight on. He wanted to collapse and melt into the ground, but he couldn’t do it just yet. First he needed to know that Alec was alive.

Nymera’s hands flew over Alec’s limbs, his chest and his stomach. Green healing magic left her hands and grasped Alec’s body, first sewing the internal organs back together and then healing the cuts on the skin. Alec was grunting weakly from time to time. It was heartbreaking to hear but at least it meant that he was alive. Magnus sighed in relief and closed his burning eyes. He didn’t know how much more of this torture he could take before he completely lost his mind. 

He was startled by a sudden cough from Alec. He opened his eyes to find that he was in fact coughing up blood.

“W-what’s happening? Didn’t you heal him?” He asked Nymera. He was surprised that for the first time ever, she actually answered.

“His body’s rejecting my magic.”

Fear crept in Magnus’s heart. He knew what that meant: Magic wasn’t able to soothe his injuries anymore. The constant fatal damage had weakened him in a way that couldn’t be fixed with magic. It was all up to Alec from that moment on.

“No, no, Alec please!” Magnus begged with a hoarse voice. Even Nymera seemed panicked. She was still shooting waves of power through his skin, trying to stabilize him.

“You don’t get to die now. Not yet.” She muttered as her hands kept working.

“Alec! Alec please don’t leave me! Please, I can’t lose you Alec!” Magnus tried to yell, tried to make Alec hear his voice, but his voice was barely a whisper. Tears rushed to his eyes. He couldn’t believe his body was still capable of producing them. Nymera only stopped when she was all drained of energy. She remained on her knees next to Alec, panting in exhaustion.

“W-what happened?” Magnus asked desperately.

“He’s stable, but not completely healed.” She replied. 

Magnus let go of the breath held in his lungs, letting his head fall low.
Nymera forced herself up to leave. Magnus called after her.

“Nymera…”

To his surprise, Nymera stopped. Maybe it was the helplessness in his voice. She turned around and seemed taken aback by how much of a mess he was.

“Please, let me hold him.” Magnus whispered hoarsely. Maybe Magnus was imagining it, but Nymera seemed to pity him. She flicked her wrist and Magnus’s cuffs unlocked. His arms and legs were numb after so much time of being held still, but he ignored it and half crawled to Alec’s side. He pulled his angel in his arms, resting his head on his lap. He connected their foreheads and wept.

“M-Magg’s?” Alec whimpered weakly.

Magnus smiled, stroking his face. “I’m here angel. I’m right here with you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Nymera stood in the same spot, watching from a distance. She hadn’t even been given an opportunity to hold Muirenna in her arms. She didn’t even get her dead body. Muirenna had no grave. And there she stood, staring at the man who had caused all that pain, weeping over his own lover. For some unknown reason she couldn’t comprehend, it made her feel even worse.

“You’re not the demon I remember.” She mumbled under her breath.

Magnus looked up, not quite hearing what she said. There was a sudden horror in her eyes as she took a few steps back. Tears rushed to her eyes and she held her mouth tightly to silence her sobs. Magnus was confused, until he realized that his glamour was down. He shut his eyes to force it back up.

“Nymera!” He tried to stop her.

“Stay away from me!” She screamed and ran away to the metal door, locking it behind. Magnus ran after her, pounding on the door.

“Nymera, please listen to me! I know you think I’m a monster, and you have every right to do so. I know I’ve done horrible things, and I know that I deserve to be punished for them for the rest of my life. But, I swear to you, I didn’t do those things consciously. I was under my father’s control. I was possessed, Nymera. I swear I never wanted to hurt anyone!”

Magnus rested his forehead on the cold metal, his shoulders slumping down in exhaustion.

“Nymera, I know no amount of apologies can bring them back, or erase all the pain you’ve had to go through. I know you loved her, and I know living in a world without her must have been even worse than Edom.” Magnus turned his back on the door, watching Alec’s broken body.

“I know, because even the thought of losing him breaks me down.” He slid down, sitting on the ground and hugging his legs.

“Nymera, we live in a world full of pain and injustice. A world corrupted by demons. A demon killed Muirenna and ruined your life. A demon called Asmodeus, my father. I spent fifty three years under his influence, trying to please him, trying to be like him. Then I spent the next four hundred years trying to prove to myself and the entire world that I was not like him.” 

Magnus’s eyes rested on Alec again, a smile curved his lips. “And then I met him. And he told me that I didn’t have to hide my demons anymore. That he would love me despite them. That he would love me for them. And for all my efforts not to let them win. He was the kindest soul I had ever met.” Magnus wiped the tear sliding down his face.

“Please, Nymera. Don’t kill my angel. Don’t let the demons win. Don’t let them corrupt your heart.”

Magnus remained there, leaned against the door, waiting for an answer. Nothing came. He wasn’t even sure that she had heard him. In the end he decided to go back to Alec’s side. If these were their last days together, Magnus wanted to spend every second right next to him. He laid down beside him, turned to Alec’s still restrained body. His wrists were cut where he had fought to break himself free, traces of dried blood visible. Magnus leaned in and gave it a soft kiss.

“Alexander?” He called him, suddenly desperate to hear his voice. No answer came. Magnus felt impossibly alone. He intertwined his fingers with Alec’s, leaning forward to kiss his forehead and his lips. 

“I love you.”

****

“You think Magnus will forgive us for abandoning his boat in the middle of nowhere?” Simon asked Isabelle as they were about to walk through the portal.

“Magnus will forgive us for anything if it means we get to save Alec.” Isabelle answered, holding Simon’s hand and portalling back to the Institute.

Lirael had followed them along, saying she would be fine spending a few hours outside of water. In fact, she seemed to welcome the opportunity.

“So, how do we do this? You’ve done this before, right?” Jace asked Clary as they practically ran to the back yard of the goth church.

“Yes, I have. First we draw a pentagram. Then, we sacrifice a few drops of our blood. Then, we call for the angel, and hope that he will answer. The only question is, which angel do we call?”

“Uriel. He’s the angel of light and wisdom. He could help us.”

Clary nodded and started to draw the pentagram. It took half hour, and Jace had grown restless by then. He was even more agitated since Magnus went missing. The videos had stopped coming, which left them completely blind to what was happening. The only thing that gave them the slightest bit of reassurance was that Jace still had his parabatai rune.

“Jace, what is it?”

“It’s just, I’m not sure if they will answer. You know, considering the fact that I was possessed by a Greater Demon, and you were punished by the angels themselves for abusing your talents.”

Clary held his hand tightly. “We can’t know for sure unless we try.”

Jace nodded his head, pulling out a dagger. They both made cuts on their palms and let the blood drop onto the pentagram. Then, Jace began to speak, loud and clear.

“O Radiant Uriel, Flame of the Almighty, Guardian of Truth and Illumination—
I kneel before your light, seeking your favor and your eternal guidance.
I am Jace Herondale, soldier anointed by the blessing of Raziel,
With the blood of Ithuriel flowing through my veins.
My brother—my parabatai—walks now in shadow, lost beyond my reach.
By your wisdom, clear my path.
By your light, pierce the darkness before me.
Lead me to him, that we may stand together once more in the name of Heaven.”

They waited, but no answer came. They repeated the prayer together, again and again and again, calling for different angels, but no answer came from the Heavens.

“Damn you! Damn you all!” Jace started yelling at the sky. “You were the ones who sent us down here! You were the ones who made us fight for your names! And now that we’re asking for a tiny favor…” his voice died down as he sunk to his knees. A sob escaped his lips.

“Please… I can’t lose him. I can’t… I can’t live without him.”

Clary knelt down next to him and wrapped him in her arms, remembering what Jace had told her one of the first days they had met each other: “There might be a God, Clary, and there might not, but I don’t think it matters. Either way, we’re on our own.”

“Hey, guys…” Lirael walked to them. Clary had almost forgotten she was still there. “Since your angels are kindly denying your request, can I suggest we get help from a demon?”

****

Nymera dived deeper and deeper into the sea, until darkness and silence swallowed her whole. She opened her arms wide, letting waves rock her slowly, almost like a cradle. Muirenna was always scared of the deeper parts of the water, and Nymera would always make fun of her for being a mermaid who was scared of the sea. Now, a single glance at the devil’s eyes had her frozen in horror. Those golden eyes she had nightmares about for centuries. What broke her down the most though, wasn’t the eyes themselves. It was the emotions she found deep inside. They were not the eyes of a demon. They were the eyes of a man. A man who loved someone and was loved back. Her path had been clear for years-to make the monster go through all that she had. To rip from him what he had ripped from her. So why was she feeling this way now? She didn’t even know what to call it.

She always knew the Shadowhunter was supposed to die, she had it all planned out. She also knew that there would be the possibility of his body giving up sooner than planned. So why did she panic earlier, when she realized that he couldn’t be healed any further? Why did it break her heart to look at his body, torn apart by her own hands? Why did she feel sorry for the warlock when he was holding him and begging for him to open his eyes?

She covered her ears tight, as if it would muffle the voices inside her head. It felt like she could lose her mind any moment. She whipped her tail wildly, swimming deeper into to darkness, screaming into the nothingness.

Chapter Text

Magnus wasn’t sure how many hours he spent curled up next to Alec, stroking his hair and kissing his motionless lips, murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. That was all he was capable of, after all. He couldn’t help but feel like he had failed Alec when he needed his protection the most. It took him ages to find him, and when he finally had, he hadn’t even managed to stop himself from getting kidnapped. Not to mention that it was all because of him that Alec was in this state in the first place. 
It had been hours that he hadn’t heard from Nymera. He had really hoped that his words would talk some sense into her, but apparently he had failed at that too.
The door slammed open suddenly, and she came marching in. Magnus was pinned against the wall before he could even open his mouth. He was surprised when she turned to him instead of Alec. Her eyes looked swollen. Had she been crying?

“You… you don’t get to mess with my head with your little stories, demon. You don’t get to talk yourself out of this. You tormented and killed hundreds of innocent people, and you have to pay for all of it.”

Magnus tried to answer, but realized that he wasn’t able to form any words. Just meaningless babbling. She had taken away his ability to talk.

“Now, I believe your Nephilim had enough time to recover.” She turned her back to Magnus, walking to Alec’s side. Waving her arms in the air, green magic poured out of her hands and started healing the remaining injuries scattered across his body.

“A few more hours of rest and he’ll be old as new.” She announced and left the room with that. 

Magnus stayed pinned to the wall. Once again, he was forced to watch Alec from a distance and wait helplessly for his fate to be decided by someone else.

****

Clary opened a portal for them, taking them to the place Lirael had described: To the side of a river in the middle of a forest. 

“If he’s going to track them in the sea, why are we next to a river?” Jace asked as he was trying to find his way through the bushes.

“The demon we’re going to call is Vodyanoy. The demon of water.” Lirael responded. “He’s a water spirit who can control the waves, cause storms and drown ships. He has a deep connection to the sea and its creatures, although he usually lives in the rivers, I kinda hope he can tell us where to find Alec and Magnus.”

“You kinda hope?”

“Well, I’ve never heard any stories about him actually tracking people in the sea, but hypothetically,”

“Hypothetically? Are you serious right now?” 

“Well, do you have any better ideas? Because the angels didn’t seem to fancy you so much!”

Jace fell silent, his fists clenched. “Fine. What’s he going to ask for as payment?”

“Jewelry.”

“Jewelry?”

“Yes, jewelry. He’s known to steal the precious stuff people lose at the sea or rivers, he’s also known to be very greedy. So, yeah. Jewlery. And something that’s really precious. Something with a personal value. You should all decide what you want to sacrifice before we do the summoning.”

Jace’s hand flew to his neck, holding the Herondale ring between his fingers. 

“Jace, that’s your father’s ring.” Clary gently looked at his eyes. She found no signs of doubt in them.

“And he is my brother. I’m not gonna lose him.”

Clary nodded, giving him a smile. “Do you think Steles count as jewelry?”

“What? You want to give him your Stele?”

Clary nodded, taking the ancient object out of her belt. “It’s the only valuable thing I have right now. And, it has a personal value. My mom gave it to me.”

Jace studied her face, trying to show his gratefulness through his eyes. Clary just smiled wider. Her attention drifted to Isabelle, who was taking her bracelet off-her whip. Clary wondered if Alec knew how much he really meant to them. She hoped he did.

****

Nymera was sprawled out on the floor, her body and mind exhausted. A small picture of Muirenna made of light was floating on her palm. She was grateful for the fact that she had magic’s help to keep the memories of her. She knew that otherwise she would have forgotten her face by now.

“Wish you were here…” She whispered under her breath. She wondered what it was about the Nephilim that made it so hard to kill them. Maybe it was the charm of the angel blood. The previous ones had been so difficult to get rid of too. She always knew it would be impossible for her to capture a Shadowhunter by herself. Luckily Alec Lightwood was someone who played a great role as the head of the Institute, therefore he had plenty of enemies. The ex-Circle members had been easy to persuade, simply wanting revenge. They had agreed to help her kidnap him, but it had become an inconvenience to continue working with them. They just weren’t patient enough, demanding his death right away. At last Nymera was left with no choice but to get rid of them, but a wave of guilt had washed over her afterwards. The bearers of the angels’ blessings certainly were intimidating, but also raised a trace of sympathy.

This one was even harder to kill. And the warlock kept messing with her head. 
She returned her attention back to Muirenna’s smiling face. Muirenna who was terrified of the dark. Muirenna who was kind and giving and loving. Muirenna who had accepted her despite all the darkness in her eyes. Even before her heart and mind was poisoned by that demon’s cruelty and her desire for revenge, Nymera had always had a rage inside her. A demon clawing at the surface, waiting to be released.

“Wish you were here to tell me what to do.” She mumbled, and then chuckled to herself. “Who am I kidding? Of course you would have told me to let him go.”

She tried to caress her cheeks, but her fingers touched nothing but empty air.

“I miss you. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I have to live without you, and he gets to cuddle his lover every night.”

She stared at Muirenna’s sparkling eyes for what felt like hours. Grabbing the wall behind her, she forced herself up.

“I’m gonna give him a chance. Just for you.”

She went back to the chamber, the Nephilim still lying unconscious and the warlock still held back against the wall, giving her the usual pleading gaze.

****

“Okay, everyone ready?” Lirael stepped forward, holding the tear-shaped necklace in her hand, the one that Magnus had used to call for her.

Everyone except Simon gathered around, holding each other’s hands and forming a circle in the middle of the river. Simon had decided to stand back, since he had no piece of precious belongings to offer. The water was shallow and calm with a pleasant coolness. Lirael waved her hands over the water, and a pentagram started burning on the surface. She took a deep breath before speaking in ancient language, calling for the demon. She had just started when Jace interrupted her.

“Wait!” All heads turned to him. “We don’t need to do this anymore.”

“What? Why?”

Jace’s unmatched eyes were shining with excitement, and disbelief. “Because I can feel him.”

****

Magnus watched Nymera walk calmly over to Alec, holding a blade in her hand.

“Hey, hey, what’s that? What are you doing?”

Nymera leaned over, freeing Alec from his restraints. Her hand moved down on her torso until it reached his hip. A golden light poured over Alec’s parabatai rune.

“You know, yesterday was the sixth time.” She murmured with a faint smile. “And this, will be seven.”

With a snap of her fingers, Alec’s eyes flew open. He sat up abruptly, scanning his surroundings and spotting Nymera. She just kept smiling and handed him the blade.

“You’re gonna need this, soldier.”

Before Alec could process anything, she snapped her fingers one more time and Alec’s eyes unfocused. He was looking around frantically, following visions that were invisible to Magnus.

“Magnus? Magnus where are you?”

“Alexander, I’m right here darling. I’m right behind you.” He tried a few times but Alec didn’t seem to see or hear him. He seemed to be hallucinating things that weren’t there. Suddenly his eyes went wide, staring at a spot a few meters away.

“Max?”

He ran towards the little body, shaking him violently.

“Max? Max open your eyes!“ He looked around panicked, searching for someone who could help. That’s when he spotted another body not very far away.
“Izzy?” His voice came out as a whisper. “Izzy! Izzy, please!”
He held her wrist in his hands, checking for a pulse. There wasn’t any.
“No… no… please!” Tears rushed to his hazel eyes. “Izzy! Max! Please!”
He held Max’s little body with an arm and Izzy with the other as a scream tore through his mouth. His chest was so tight it was hard to breathe. He didn’t have enough time to catch his breath before a wave of pain rushed through his body, radiating from his hip. His parabatai rune.

He screamed, looking around in horror. Magnus knew almost instantly when he found him. The look in his eyes changed from horror to shock and then to denial. 

“Jace!”

He screamed, running to his parabatai and holding his injured body in his arms.

“Hey, hey, this is nothing, you hear me? You’re gonna be okay. Don’t you dare act like a weak little girl, Wayland. You’re strong, you hear me?”

His hands were flying rapidly over Jace’s body, drawing as many iratzes as he could.
The tremble of his fingers and the uncertainty in his voice indicated that he knew, deep down, that it was already too late. That Jace was already slipping away. 

“Hey, hey, no! You’re not doing this to me, alright? You can’t leave me like this. Not after Max and Izzy. We promised to fight together for the rest of our lives, remember?”

Alec’s words were cut off by hiccups now. Magnus’s vision was blurred with tears.

“Why are you doing this to him? You were supposed to hurt me, not him.”
Magnus looked over at Nymera, who was watching in amusement from a far corner. She shushed him with a finger on her lips.

“This is the best part.”

Magnus turned his attention back to Alec, who was holding his parabatai’s dead body in his arms and sobbing. Suddenly he raised his head, as if he heard someone call his name. His face went blank. 
It wasn’t hard to guess whose turn it was. Magnus shook his head in denial, “No, please, no.”

“Magnus?”

Alec’s voice trembled as he slowly let go of Jace and walked towards his love. He caught him mid-air before his body crashed onto the ground. A demon’s claw had left three enormous holes on his chest, filling his lungs rapidly with blood. He was clutching Alec’s arms with both hands, trying to hold on to life.

“Alexander…” he breathed, his golden cat eyes glistening with tears.

“I’m here, love. I’m right here.” Alec faked a smile while his own tears dropped on Magnus’s cheeks. “Please, please don’t leave me.” He hiccuped, holding him tightly in his arms. “I was supposed to go first, I was… please! I can’t live without you. I can’t… I can’t lose all of you…”

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay.” Magnus held his face, pulling him in for a breathless kiss. “I love you.” He let his final breath out and closed his eyes, despite Alec’s pleas of him to open them again.

“Magnus? Magnus? Please! I can’t… I can’t live without you! Please stay with me!”

Magnus tried calling him, tried reassuring him that he was alright, but instead he had to watch his lover mourn his fake death. He wanted nothing more than to hold him in his arms, but his body remained held against the wall by invisible chains. Alec writhed and cried, his eyes moving from Magnus to Jace and to his siblings. Magnus tried and failed to imagine the hell he could be going through at that moment. And then everything fell silent as Alec spotted the blade Nymera had given him earlier. He had tossed it away when he’d noticed Max, and now he had found it again. Magnus felt his blood turn ice cold. He knew that look. He still had nightmares about the night he saw it on Alec’s face as he was standing on that ledge. Alec slowly rose to his feet, his eyes never leaving the blade as he walked closer.

“Alexander! Stop! None of it is real! Alec!” 

Magnus screamed and fought against his chains, but Alec was still deaf to his voice. Alec’s fingers wrapped tightly around the hilt, and Magnus watched in horror as he stabbed it through his own chest, right into his heart.

Magnus’s scream was muffled by an explosion and the metal door of the chamber went flying across the room. Shadowhunters flooded the place with Jace leading the way. Magnus saw his own horror mirrored on the blonde’s face as he clutched his hip with widened eyes. He sprinted to Alec’s side as two people came to break Magnus free. They were saying words, asking questions, but Magnus only saw the pool of blood growing by second around Alexander. He was aware that a fight was going on, but he couldn’t care less. He stumbled to Alec’s side the second he was freed. Jace was frantically trying to reassure him as he kept drawing iratzes all over Alec’s bare skin. It felt like the most ridiculous joke, a few minutes ago Alec was doing the exact same thing to Jace in his hallucinations. Magnus tried to talk to Alec, tell him it would all be alright, that they were here. They had finally found him. He had to hold on because they had finally saved him. But Alec’s eyes stayed closed.

“We need to get him out of here!”Magnus shouted. “He’s….” dying. No. It couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t lose him. Not now. Not like this. Not thinking that he had lost them all.

“Lirael!” Magnus screamed so loud he physically felt something rupture inside his throat. “Get us out of here! Get us to land! He’s gonna die!”

Lirael rushed to their side in a second, understanding the urgency of the situation by the panic written over Magnus’s face. She waved her hands and a portal swallowed the three of them inside.

Chapter Text

The portal took them to a port Magnus couldn’t recognize, Lirael sending them as far away from the water as she could have managed.

“No, no, no—” Magnus was already on his knees, hands glowing, pressing against the wound in Alec’s chest. The hot rush of blood spurted between his fingers. His magic had turned dark red, fighting to claim back what was taken.

Jace dropped down beside him, his face pale and frantic, eyes widened in horror “Why would he—why the hell would he do this?” His voice cracked. He couldn’t look away from Alec’s face, too still, lips already going grey.

Magnus’s jaw clenched. “She made him see things. Hallucinations. He thought we were all dead. Me, you, Max, Isabelle… And then he just—“ His voice broke with anger bubbling beneath the panic. The flames of his magic sparked brighter as he pushed more energy into Alec’s chest. Alec groaned weakly, and Magnus nearly broke apart just by hearing it.

The blood wouldn’t stop. It kept pumping out in violent jets, slicking Magnus’s forearms, soaking Jace’s hands and stele.

“Magnus, he’s bleeding too fast,” Jace said, his voice shaking. “Even if you close the wound, it’s his heart—”

“I know!” Magnus snapped.

This wasn’t enough. They were going to lose him. Magnus wasn’t enough. Once again, he and his magic weren’t enough. 

“Call Catarina!” He barked at Jace, his eyes never leaving Alec. “We can’t do this alone. We need her help.”

Jace reached for his phone with slicked fingers, dialing the number wrong again and again with the screen malfunctioning from the wetness and his fingers shaking in panic. “Fuck!” He cursed out loud. With a deep breat, he forced his heartbeat steady and tried again. He was Jace Herondale. Jace Herondale never panics. Catarina picked up on the second beep and he explained the situation briefly. Just a second after hanging up, he groaned at a stinging pain throbbing through his hip. Alec was slipping away. He gripped his shoulder tightly, resting his forehead against Alec’s.

“Stay with me, Alec! You hear me? You don’t get to leave like this. Not like this!” His throat was raw as tears rushed to his eyes. “Magnus—he’s fading, I can feel it—”

“No! No he’s not!,” Magnus hissed through his teeth, staring down at Alec’s face, too pale, too still. He bent down, his voice breaking. “Please, please Alec. You can’t leave me. Please, stay with me!” His magic flared, desperate, golden sparks weaving into Alec’s chest in frantic attempts.

The sound of a portal tearing open cracked through the air. Catarina stepped out, already rolling up her sleeves. Her eyes flicked once to Alec, to the blood, to the dagger sticking out of his chest, and she didn’t waste a breath as she turned to full professional mode.

“Move.”

Magnus shifted, reluctantly, his hands never fully leaving Alec. Jace wouldn’t even budge until Catarina shoved him aside. She pressed her palms over the wound, green light flooding from her fingers, steady and controlled where Magnus’s had been wild and frantic.

“He’s still here,” Catarina muttered, focused. “Barely, but he’s here. I can stabilize him, but it’s not just his heart. Magnus, I need you to fix his ruptured lung. Jace, keep drawing iratzes and blood replenish runes.”

Magnus caught her wrist, his voice cracking and his eyes filled with tears. “Cat, please! If he dies—”

“He’s not going to die,” she snapped back. “Not if you hold it together.”

Magnus nodded once, breathing hard, then pressed his glowing hands over the gaping hole, forcing his power deep into the flesh. For a moment, their magic locked—red and green threads weaving together, battling the wound in Alec’s chest.

Jace was on Alec’s other side, holding his parabatai’s hand tight while his other hand worked runes over Alec’s bare skin, whispering fiercely like he could anchor him to the world with words alone. “You’re stronger than this, Alec. You don’t get to leave me behind. You don’t get to leave him behind.”

The answer he received was a sudden jerk from Alec’s body. And then another. “What’s going on?”

“No, no, no, Cat! Cat, he’s slipping!” Magnus panted. Catarina swore with a face drenched in sweat. “His body’s rejecting our magic.”

Magnus felt like his heart stop. Not this again. “No, Alec, please! Please darling you have to keep fighting w!”

“We’re using too much power. Both of you, stop!” Catarina barked, and made Jace and Magnus freeze on the spot. “We just need to stabilize him for now and leave the healing to his own strength.”

Magnus held Alec’s hand, the one that wasn’t in Jace’s grip. He drew the ice cold fingers to his lips and gave it a kiss, praying to the angels and gods and demons to give him back.

Then, his magic sensed a flicker. One, then another.

A heartbeat.

Weak, but there.

Magnus sagged forward, holding out the breath he was holding. He wished he could kiss Alec, but he didn’t want to interfere with Cat’s work.

A few more minutes passed before she let her magic die down. Her exhaustion was written all over her face.

“He’s okay, for now.”

Magnus half sobbed and half laughed, pulling her into an embrace.

“Thank you. Thank you. I will always owe you.” He whispered in her ear as his tears soaked her shirt. Catarina didn’t say anything, just holding him and letting him cry. On the other side, Jace was also a weeping mess, his face pressed against Alec’s shoulder.

The sound and the golden light of a second portal opening filled the air and caught their attention. A moment later Clary stepped out, followed by Isabelle and Lirael. Isabelle ran to Jace’s side, a hand covering her mouth to muffle her sobs. “It’s okay, Iz. I know it looks bad, but he’s okay. Everything’s okay.” Jace whispered to her soothingly.

Magnus’s lips curled automatically. It was okay. Alec was finally okay.

“Magnus? Are you alright?” He heard Catarina ask from a distance. He was confused. When did she get so far away?

“Yeah. Fan-tastic.” He mumbled, his eyelids feeling heavy. He heard people calling his name, but he was too tired to care. Alec was okay. That was all that mattered. A bright, sheepish smile was spread across his face as darkness took him over.

****

Alexander was the first name he called the moment he opened his eyes. He found Catarina leaning over him. His heart dropped. Alexander! 

“What happened? Where’s Alec?” He sat upright and regretted it with the dizziness and nausea washing over him.

“He’s okay, alright? Take it easy, don’t get up too fast.”

“Aaahh! What happened?” Magnus groaned, rubbing his forehead.

“Well, you passed out. Severe exhaustion, starvation, dehydration, plus magic depletion.”

"I'm quite the package, huh?" He scoffed, looking around. "Where's Alec? Why am I in the guest bedroom of my own house?"

"Because Alec's in the master bedroom and he is kinda the center of attention right now, so we moved you here to get your rest."

"How long was I asleep?"

"Two days."

"What?! Why did you let even... how's Alec? I need to see Alec!" Magnus rushed to his feet, ignoring the dark circles forming around his sight.

"Oh for Lilith's sake no one said you couldn't see him! Just take it easy, Bane!" Catarina nagged as she followed him out the bedroom. Magnus barged inside, finding two pairs of eyes staring at him-- Jace, who was sitting next to Alec's bed on an armchair, and Izzy, who was lying beside him on the bed. They both seemed to be startled awake, which made Magnus feel bad for barging in so loudly. Both Shadowhunters had dark circles under their eyes, indicating many nights of sleeplessness.

"How's he?" Magnus asked, stepping closer with a gaze locked on Alexander. He looked peacefully asleep.

"We managed to stabilize him and treat almost all of his injuries. But his body is extremely weak, having received fatal damage over and over again. He needs lots of rest to recover."

Magnus nodded without a word, leaning down to grasp Alec's hand. It was warm unlike the last time he had held it. A quick glance was exchanged in the room, and then everyone left to give him some privacy. Magnus was grateful to realize that they were leaving the apartment and not just the room, promising to return again in the morning.

He blinked his tears away as he sat down on the edge of the bed, his fingers lightly caressing the pale skin. God he had lost so much weight!

Scars, with different shapes and different sizes were scattered all over the body he had sworn to protect with all his power. A cut through his neck, several vampire bites all over his torso, and the scar from a blade right over his heart. 

Magnus' tears dropped over Alexander 's bare chest. It wasn't the physical scars he was worried about. It was the ones carved onto Alec's mind and soul. Magnus leaned closer, softly brushing his lips against Alec's. As his sobs broke the silence of the empty loft, Magnus vowed to dedicate his every single breath to heal Alexander.

Chapter Text

It was a little past midnight when Magnus dozed off, still lying beside Alec. He hadn’t dared to move away, or even take his eyes off him. It felt like Alec would disappear if he looked away for even one second.

Around 3 in the morning, a knock on the door woke him up. Magnus startled awake, checking on Alec with a pounding heart. He let out a breath of relief when he realized that he was safe and still peacefully asleep. Magnus dragged himself to the door and found Jace standing in front of him. The circles under his eyes looked even darker, and his chest was rising and falling in pants.

“Have you run all the way here?” Magnus asked with raised eyebrows. Jace’s silence was a clear answer.

“I… I couldn’t sleep. I just… I need to…” 

Magnus couldn’t remember the last time he felt pity for Jace Herondale. The arrogant, annoying blonde was gone and instead Magnus was talking to a lonely, terrified child. A child who was afraid of leaving his brother’s side. 

“Come on in.” 

They both sat in silence, watching the rise and fall of Alexander’s chest with each breath.

“Has he woken at all while I was unconscious?” Magnus asked, his fingers brushing the threads of black hair out of Alec’s face.

“No. Not even a second. Catarina says he’ll be okay though. He just needs time to recover.”

Magnus nodded, still watching Alec. “What happened to Nymera?”

“She’s at the Institute. We thought we should let Alec decide her fate.”

Magnus nodded again. “I think that would be for the best.”

“Magnus…” Jace leaned forward on his chair. “What exactly was it that she wanted from you, from Alec? Why did she want revenge? I know you told Clary some stuff, but she refuses to tell me anything. She says it’s not her secret to tell.”

Magnus sighed, sagging forward. He knew he couldn’t hide it forever.

“Well I have gained access to the memories recently myself. But apparently, I have spent the first fifty years of my life in Edom, doing my father’s dirty work. He had some kind of hold on me that I wasn’t able to break. He made me torture and kill hundreds of people, including Nymera’s sisters and her lover. I made her watch as they faded away, one after another. And then I let her free to be haunted by the memories for eternity. As you can imagine, she wanted to make me go through the same.”

Magnus’s voice died down, his head hanging low. He waited for Jace’s response in silence, realizing that whatever he decided, Magnus would simply go for it. Jace was allowed to yell, to kick his ass, damn, even report him to the Clave and throw him in prison. Whatever Jace decided, Magnus was sure he deserved.

“It’s not your fault.”

Magnus wasn’t sure if he heard right. He was expecting to hear anything but that.

“I understand.” Jace continued before Magnus could protest. “I understand what it’s like to have a monster as a father. It wasn’t your fault.”

Magnus was speechless. Of all the people on planet Earth, Jace Herondale was the last one he expected to receive comfort from.

“Thank you.” Was all that he managed to say at last. Jace just smiled faintly and nodded.

“How did you find us anyway?” Magnus asked after a brief silence.

“It was Nymera. She broke her own ward for a second and sent me a signal through our patabatai bond. It was as if she wanted us to find you.” Jace replied with a deep frown. His hand ran through his blonde hair. “And then she attempted to hypnotize him into killing himself? What the fuck is wrong with her?”

Magnus wished he knew.

“Hey, Magnus, listen.” Jace interrupted his train of thoughts. He leaned closer, licking his lips. Was he… nervous? “I never really got a chance to apologize to you. For my behavior through the past days. For blaming you, and also for punching you. I guess I was just-“

“Mag’s?”

Magnus and Jace both jumped at the deep, hoarse voice. Hazel eyes were watching the two of them in confusion.

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed, cupping his face between his hands. Jace had risen to his feet, now hovering awkwardly by the edge of the bed. Alec’s gaze softened when he met Magnus’s unglamoured eyes.

“How are you feeling darling?”

“M-Mag’s?” Alec mumbled with a deep frown, blinking a few times. His gaze turned to Jace, studying him in silence. When his hazel eyes met Magnus’s again, they were filled with tears. He slowly raised his left hand, touching Magnus’s cheek with the tips of his fingers.

“Is this… real?”

“Yes, my dear. It’s real. You’re back in our apartment. You’re safe now.”

More tears rushed to Alexander’s eyes, trickling down his temples. “I thought… I… I saw you…” he stuttered in between sobs, his gaze alternating between the two of them. It took Magnus a moment to understand, so Jace stepped in, grabbing the back of his neck.

“Hey! Alec, look at me. We’re all okay, alright? Whatever you saw that day, it was all hallucinations. None of it was real. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

Alec blinked a few more times and then forced himself up, pulling Jace in a bone crushing hug. He was crying, loud and painful and heartbreaking. Jace held him tight, his own tears dropping over Alec's bare shoulder. Magnus was holding on to one of Alec's hands, squeezing tight, afraid to let go. Alec met his eyes over Jace's shoulder, trying and failing to blink the tears away, to take a good look at him. Magnus just gave him a warm smile and it was enough to break him down again. He released Jace from his arms and crushed into Magnus, clawing at his shirt as new sets of sobs tore through his body.

"I-I saw y-you. Y-you w-were h-hurt. I-I t-tried b-but..."

Magnus pushed Alec back, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"Hey, hey, look at me, Alexander. I'm right here. I'm with you. Everything that you went through is over now, okay?"

Hazel eyes watched him in silence, skipping over every single part of his face, trying to memorize every detail. He nodded slowly, closing his eyes and leaning in.

Alexander kissed him.

Wet and messy and filled with thirst. 

Magnus kissed him back.

They held each other tightly, skin getting scratched under their nails. Alec had hallucinated losing Magnus. Magnus had actually watched him die seven times.

"I love you." Alec breathed against his lips.

"I love you more." Magnus whispered back and felt Alec smile.

"Not possible."

Magnus hugged him again, burying his face in the crook of his neck. The faint smell of seaweed made him almost gag. He wiggled his fingers softly without letting Alec notice and the smell was gone. Magnus swore to erase all traces of Nymera off Alec's body and mind, and this was a good start.

"How are you feeling my love?" Magnus asked, releasing Alec gently to study his face.

" 'm cold, and tired." Alec mumbled, his eyelids slowly closing.

Magnus gently laid him back down, Jace rising to his feet to wrap a blanket around him. Magnus had almost forgotten his presence.

"It's alright, my love. Get some rest. Jace and I will both stay here with you."

Alec's eyes closed slowly, with a smile written across his face. His fiance and his parabatai stayed on either side of his bed, refusing to leave. 

"You need to get some rest too. You look like hell." Magnus told Jace who was visibly struggling to stay awake at that point.

"I'm fine." He protested, forcing his eyes wider open. Magnus would disagree. He snapped his fingers and Jace fell forward, already snoring. With a smile of satisfaction written across his face, Magnus also layed down next to Alec and allowed his eyes to stutter close.

****

The sun was shining bright when a sound of clatter forced Magnus awake. He turned in bed to check on Alexander, forcing his mind awake. His heart dropped and his eyes widened in horror: Alec looked pale blue, curled around himself and shivering violently. The clatter was coming from his teeth, his skin as cold as ice.

"Alexander! What's wrong?" Magnus almost screamed in panic.

"C-c-cold... s-s-so c-c-cold."

Chapter Text

Alec’s lips were pale blue, his skin ice cold to the touch. His entire body was shaking violently as an invisible frost devoured him from the inside. He was gripping Magnus’s wrist tightly, little whimpers escaping his chattering teeth. 
Magnus and Jace had tried everything to warm him up. The three of them were buried under a pile of blankets while Jace drew countless heating runes on Alec’s torso and Magnus tried every spell he could think of. Nothing seemed to work.

“Dammit!” Jace yelled in frustration, his own body shivering rather noticeably thanks to the feelings shared through the parabatai bond. “Why is it not working?”

Magnus knew why. He had been hoping to be proved wrong, but he wasn’t.

“Because this is Nymera’s work. I don’t know what it is exactly. Could be a curse, a long lasting poison, or anything that I can’t think of right now. But what I do know is that the whole “she helped us track you because she wanted to get caught” story sounded too good to be real. She has spent centuries planning this whole madness, and the previous times she never stopped until he was…” dead. She would always make sure to kill Alec first before bringing him back.

“So, what are you saying? We’re supposed to just stand by and watch until…?”

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut. He was so, so exhausted from the constant horror of losing Alec or watching him hurt. Only a few hours ago, he had promised both Alec and himself that no one would ever be able to hurt him again. And now here they were, Alec on the brink of freezing to death while there was nothing for them to do to make it stop.
He leaned down, planting a soft kiss over Alec’s ice cold forehead. It was as if there was ice running through his veins instead of blood.

“M-Magg’s!” Alec grunted weakly and Magnus’s heart shattered to pieces.

“I’m here darling. I’m right here. It will be all alright. You’re going to be okay.” He whispered encouragingly in his ear, his fingers running through the black curls of his hair. Jace was shivering even more violently now, swearing under his breath. Magnus met his eyes. “Tell me when.”

It took Jace a second to realize what he meant, and there was a slight gasp at the back of his throat when he did: Magnus wanted to know the moment Alec was almost dead, so that he could bring him back.

Jace grunted, his hand flying over to his burning rune. “What if your theory isn’t true? What if your magic doesn’t work even after he’s…? Are we just going to watch him die?”

Magnus didn’t have an answer to that. It was a possibility he didn’t want to consider. Alec’s eyelids were closed shut at that point, his grip around Magnus’s wrist going limp. Magnus checked for breathing. There wasn’t any. Jace’s loud cry of pain was the last signal he needed. He pulled all the blankets away, summoning fire to the tips of his fingers. He placed his hand on the center of Alec’s chest and commanded the fire to heal. With a quiet exhale Magnus pushed, little branches of red forming and moving away from his palm, spreading all over Alec’s body. His magic ran through his veins, traveling from a cell to another, spreading warmth and protection. Not to his surprise, the magic faced no resistance. Whatever had caused the frost was already gone.

Magnus kept going until a weak grunt from Alec broke his concentration. His eyes flew wide open as he gasped for air, holding onto Magnus’s arm like a life line.

“Hey, hey, easy.” Jace helped him up, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. Alec was still shivering, but his skin felt warmer and his lips were turning back to its healthy color.

“How are you feeling, gorgeous?” Magnus asked gently, running a thumb along Alec’s cheekbone. His alertness was returning, his hazel eyes scanning his surroundings and finally meeting Magnus’s. A smile curled his lips.

“I’m okay. Thanks to you.” He held the hand Magnus had placed on his cheek, squeezing lovingly. “But, what the hell was that?”

“Nymera. I’m guessing she placed a curse on you before we got you out of there. That explains how she could still harm you despite the protection of my wards.” Magnus explained, his fist clenched in rage. He had a difficult conversation to have with Alec, to explain everything. To make him understand why he had to go through this nightmare. Magnus wasn’t sure he could still look him in the eye after his words were over.

“It’s going to happen again, isn’t it?” Alec mumbled, startling both Jace and Magnus. “I heard the things she told you. She said she was going to kill me nine times, didn’t she? How many times has it been?”

Jace and Magnus looked terrified, as if Alec could explode and turn into dust any moment.

“Eight. It’s been eight times.” Magnus muttered at last. “And she said there would be no returning from the last one.”

“Fucking bitch!” Jace growled through his teeth, his jaw clenched tight. “We need to interrogate her, figure out a way to break the curse. I’m calling Izzy.” With that, Jace stood and left the room to explain everything to Isabelle over the phone. An awkward silence filled the room as Magnus was left alone with Alec. He didn’t know what to say. Hell, he couldn’t even meet his eyes. After a full minute of silence, it was Alec who spoke.

“Magnus? Are you alright?” He asked, placing a hand over his shoulder. “Aren’t you going to look at me?”

Magnus chewed the inside of his lip anxiously. Tears were threatening to well up in his eyes, and that was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.

“Alexander, I… I’m so sorry. Everything that happened to you, all of it, was because of me. You didn’t deserve any of it. And if something was to happen to you, Alexander … I could never—“

His words were interrupted when Alec suddenly jumped forward, crushing him in his arms. “I thought I would never get to hear you call me that again.” He whispered against Magnus’s shoulder, and Magnus lost the battle against the tears. “I was so scared, that I would die without getting to tell you that it wasn’t your fault.” Alec pulled back, meeting Magnus’s eyes. He wiped his tears away and planted a soft kiss against his lips. “Magnus, I know. She told me everything. She wanted to make sure I knew what I was dying for. And I told her that I trusted you with my life. That I would never ever believe that you’d willingly hurt someone.”

Magnus was speechless. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Alec was ready to bet his life that Magnus wasn’t the monster he really was.

“Alexander… I… I did do all those things. Asmodeus used me like his puppet for decades and I let him. You have every right to hate me, and you should. I’m a monster. I’m a murderer. I am the one to blame for everything you went through.” Magnus’s throat was almost fully clamped shut by the lump squeezing it. He was crying, loud and ugly like a little child. Alec held him against his chest, whispering words of kindness to his ears. How embarrassing. Alec was the one who was abducted and faced death countless times and Magnus was the one getting comfort.
The more he tried to pull himself together, the harder his tears flowed. The dam was broken and he couldn’t keep it under control anymore. Jace was obviously giving them privacy and Magnus was beyond thankful for that.
He cried and he cried until he was exhausted, still holding on to Alec for dear life. Alec had spoken very little, allowing him to let it all out.

“Better?” He asked gently, kissing Magnus’s right temple.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For acting like a baby when you’re the one who needs support.”

“I’m fine.” Alec responded firmly, making Magnus laugh. Stupid, stupid Nephilim.

“Hey, look at me.” Alec lifted his chin, making their eyes meet. His eyes looked stern, no trace of doubt visible. “There is nothing ugly about you.”

Magnus half chucked and half sobbed, leaning in to rest his forehead against Alec’s. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They stayed like that in silence, breathing each other in, occasionally giving each other’s lips little pecks of affection. The knock on the door brought them back to reality, Magnus quickly fixed his face as Jace entered the room.

“Magnus, Izzy says Nymera wants to talk to you. Alone.”

Magnus’s face twisted in disgust as he nodded his head. “Yea, we have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m coming with you.” Alec declared, pushing himself to his feet despite the protests from the other two. “I’m not abandoning my Institute for another second.” He concluded the debate sternly, making it clear that there would be no negotiations.

Magnus headed to the wardrobe nagging about the lack of self-care in Shadowhunter vocabulary, picking out clothes for both himself and Alec. Jace was making more phone calls, informing the Institute about their arrival. They were both interrupted by a low grunt from Alec that soon turned into a scream of agony. Magnus ran to his side in horror while Jace remained on the spot, writhing in pain himself. Alec was holding his right forearm with the left one, and there was smoke rising from his skin. His eyes were wide in terror as he watched an invisible fire burn away his soundless rune. It went on until the rune was completely erased from his skin, leaving nothing but a burn scar behind.

Alec and Magnus stared at the scar for a long time, trying to process what had just happened. Jace joined them after a few seconds, looking as horrified as the other two.

“She’s taking his runes now?” He grumbled more to himself than the other two.

Magnus’s blood was boiling again. He never fully understood the runes of Nephilim, what they were or what they meant. But he knew what it meant to lose them. He knew it was the most painful and disgraceful death for a Shadowhunter, and his Shadowhunter was not going to face that fate.

“Take me to Nymera.” He growled, his cat eyes shining in gold and his hands in crimson.

Chapter Text

Nymera was held inside a water tank in the cells of the Institute, a tank similar to the one Arabella was in when Magnus met her for the first time, centuries ago. There were cuffs around her wrists, preventing her from using her magic. Her tail was rocking back and forth as she swam around in the small space. 

Magnus, Jace, Alec and Isabelle stood outside the glass walls of the cell. The sound proof walls gave them the freedom of talking loudly.

“So, what’s the plan?” Isabelle asked, her eyes fixed on the mermaid.

“There is no plan.” Magnus answered. “She wants to talk to me alone, so I talk to her alone. And I stop at nothing to make her lift the curse.” He growled, his eyes automatically moving to the scar on Alec’s forearm where a rune used to be. “And I mean nothing!”

Alec met his eyes. He looked concerned. “Magnus, remember that she’s also a victim.”

Magnus smiled, walking closer to hold Alec’s hand. “I know. And I do feel sorry for her, I do. And I’ll do anything I can for her. But I’m not losing you, Alexander.”

Alec studied his face, his eyes darting between Magnus’s. He nodded at last, walking Magnus to the entrance and unlocking the door with his stele. Magnus stepped in, his eyes never leaving Nymera’s face. He used his magic to lift her up, taking her out of the water and pinning her against the wall. Just like any other mermaid, the water hadn’t soaked her and she was completely dry. Her green tail flicked a few times before it turned into two human legs.

“Hey there, Magnus. Long time, no see.”

“What have you done to him?” Magnus snapped, letting his glamour down to reveal the fire burning in his golden eyes. Nymera only chuckled in response.

“Ooh, so harsh! What happened to the weepy guy who was begging me to stop hurting his precious baby boy?”

“That guy,” Magnus growled, stepping closer. “Is gone. Now, I’m the one in control.”

Nymera smirked, looking over his shoulder and pointing to something behind Magnus. “Are you sure?”

Magnus turned around to find Alec fallen to his knees, screaming in agony as another one of his runes was burning away. Jace and Izzy were on his either side, looking panicked and not knowing what to do. Magnus didn’t need to hear the sounds of  Alexander’s screams to have his heart torn apart by them. He turned around in rage, slamming a fist to the wall next to Nymera.

“What have you done to him?” He screamed like a wild, wounded animal.

Nymera tilted her head with a frown. “He didn’t tell you? Well, I guess he couldn’t remember much after all, considering I took away the memory to make it a surprise.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about,” she smiled, amused, “He did this to himself because he’s an idiot who trusts a monster like you. I told him everything that you’ve done, and he didn’t believe me. He said he would bet his own life that you would never hurt a single soul. So I made him.”

Magnus felt his heart drop. “You made him what?”

Nymera giggled. “I made him bet on his own life. He swore a blood oath on his own life that you have never hurt a single soul.”

Magnus’s knees almost gave out. He turned around again to find Alec still on the ground, panting through the pain of having another rune ripped off his skin.

A blood oath.

A blood oath could never be broken.

Alec trusted him so deeply that he swore on his own life, only to find out that he was wrong.

“W-why? Why would he do that?” His voice broke.

“Because I told him I would let him free if he was telling the truth. Otherwise, he would have to keep dying for me, again and again.”

Magnus clenched his fist so tight it drew out blood.

“What are the terms?” He growled, his back still turned to Nymera and his eyes fixed on Alec’s pained face.
“How do I stop it?”

“Prove that you’re a good guy. You said you were ready to face the consequences of your actions. Prove it!”

“How?”

“Die.”

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut. If he had seen this coming, he would have prepared better for it. He stayed silent, considering his options, considering a way out. Nothing could break a blood oath, except for the conditions set at the beginning.

“How do I know that you’re telling the truth?” Magnus asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“You can’t. But you have no other choice. Unless you rather watch your  Shadowhunter die the worst death for Nephilim.”

Magnus dropped his head, shoulders sagging forward. He caressed the engagement ring around his finger. He didn’t want to die. Not now, not when he finally had everything he had ever wanted. Not when he had a wedding to plan.

Alec was leaning on Jace’s shoulder, panting in the aftermath of losing another rune. Izzy was holding his hand, speaking words Magnus couldn’t hear through the glass. Alec’s gaze moved up and locked on Magnus’s eyes, his lips curling into a fake smile to reassure Magnus that he was fine.
Magnus would burn down the Earth, the Heavens and Hell to erase all traces of pain from those eyes. He smiled back at Alec. Alec wanted to respond before his eyes were shut and his hand flew to tear open his shirt. Smoke was rising from his sizzling skin as another rune started to fade away.

“Fine. Have it your way.” Magnus growled, his back still turned to Nymera. 

Using his magic, he spoke words inside Jace’s head, who was frantically trying to calm his writhing parabatai. “Jace, come in here. Don’t let the others know.”

Jace’s head jerked up in surprise. He checked on Magnus to make sure he wasn’t imagining things, and then reluctantly let go of his parabatai to walk inside the glass cell.

“What’s going on?” He asked once he was inside.

“I need you to promise me, that no matter what happens during the next few minutes, you won’t let Alexander or anyone else interfere.” Magnus spoke firmly, his eyes fixed on the ground.

“W-what? What does that mean? What are you planning to do?” Jace stepped closer and fell silent when he saw the look in Magnus’s eyes. “Magnus, what’s going on?”

Magnus ignored the question and handed the Lightwood ring to him. “Give this to Alexander for me, will you? And tell him that I love him, more than anything.”

Jace took the ring in puzzlement, staring at it for seconds. “Magnus, why are you talking like this? Are you going to do what I think you’re going to do?” He looked scared. Magnus was flattered.

“This is the only way.”

“Magnus! Do you even know what you’re talking about? He would never forgive you!” Jace pointed his head to his brother, who was currently trying to recover from the last phase of his torture.

“I know.” Magnus whispered with a painful smile, “just tell him that I have lived so many lifetimes, but he’s still so, so damn young.”

“B-but… there has to be another way!”

“He has sworn a blood oath, Jace. There’s no way out of this. It’s my life or his.”

Jace fell silent, his eyes, widened in terror, found their way to Nymera. His jaw twitched in rage. “I’m gonna kill you!”

Magnus intervened before he could touch the mermaid. “Jace! This won’t solve anything! Look at me! Just do as I say! You have to promise me, that you will hold Alec back. Promise me, Jace!”

Jace met his eyes, his breathing gradually slowing down. He nodded his head at last. “I promise.”

“Good. Now, have you ever seen a Warlock’s suicide?” Magnus asked, pushing Jace towards the exit. Jace just shook his head.

“Well, it’s really a delight to watch. Enjoy the show, and don’t let anyone in.” He gave Jace’s back a smack, as if this was a casual goodbye. 

“Magnus…” he mumbled, his eyes darting around the room, as if the answer to the problem was written all over walls. “Are you sure this is the only way?”

Magnus smiled wider. “I love you too, blondie. Now go, unless you want to turn into fried chicken. And, take good care of Alexander for me.”

Jace slowly turned away, dragging himself to the door like a zombie.

Magnus turned to Nymera, standing so close to her that their noses were touching.
“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to take you with me, my dearest Nymera. I can’t risk you going after him again once I’m gone.”

Nymera gave him a smile. “See you in hell, Magnus Bane.”

Alec felt like his very existence was getting shredded into pieces. How many runes had he lost already? Five? Six? He couldn’t imagine the agony of being stripped of all of them. It took him some time to clear his head while the pain subsided, and that’s when he noticed Jace’s absence.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. He just suddenly took off to talk to Magnus.” Izzy answered.

Alec watched with a frown as Jace turned away from Magnus and left the cell, taking his former place by Alec’s side. His eyes then met Magnus’s, and he was shocked to find tears in them. Magnus formed a silent “I love you.” with his lips and turned his back to him. Alec rushed to his feet. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He tried to run to the door, but a pair of muscled arms held him back. 
Alec turned to his parabatai in absolute puzzlement, expecting an explanation. But Jace just stared back at him blankly. Alec was about to push him away when a sudden explosion of light froze him on the spot. The entire chamber was flooded with flames of blue and white, and Magnus was standing in the middle, his arms spread wide.
Alec’s brain was frozen for several seconds, but in the end he didn’t need much of an explanation to figure out what was going on: The harakiri of warlocks, the moment when a warlock unleashed their magic and commanded it to…destroy them.

“No…” he whispered weakly, his brain taking an eternity to digest the reality of the situation: Magnus was dying. Magnus was killing himself.

“NO!” He screamed. He had to stop it. He had to stop Magnus. He tried to run, but Jace’s hold remained strong around him. Alec punched and kicked, not believing that his parabatai would betray him like this.

“Let me go! Jace! Let me go!” He screamed his lungs out as the flames were rising higher, the entire cell turning into a cube of light. “Please! Jace, please! I can’t lose him! I can’t live without him!” Alec sobbed, begging his brother to let go.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Alec. This was his choice.” Jace spoke to his ear, his own voice broken.

“No! No! Please! Magnus! Magnus! Please don’t do this! Please don’t leave me!” He screamed until his voice was silenced. He fought until his legs gave out and he collapsed. He cried until his tears dried. 

The flames started to die down, the whirlwind of blue and white gone in an instant, like someone turning off a light. Everywhere went dark and silent. Jace’s grip loosened around Alec and he forced himself up, half crawling to the door. There was no one inside. The cell was empty. There was only dust left on the floor, white and grey and black.
The tank holding Nymera was gone. Nymera herself was gone. Magnus…

Magnus was gone.

Chapter Text

“Alec! Stop!”

The demon screeched with each impact of his seraph blade. He pulled it all the way out, this time shoving it deep inside one of its six legs. Hot ichor spurted out of the wound, staining his arms black.

Filthy creatures.

His face twisted in disgust, he drew out his blade again and landed it on the neck, chopping the head off. One last screech echoed through the air as the demon turned to dust. There was a nagging burn in his left arm, but Alec ignored it as he marched to slice another demon in half.

“Alec! Get back here!”

Jace’s voice sounded faint among all the noise. Alec ignored that too. He drew his bow, shooting arrow after arrow at the filthy creatures. The burn in his arm was getting more prominent, but there was no time to stop. There were still too many demons left to kill. He alternated between his blade and his arrows, sending them all back to hell. 

The abandoned building went silent once the job was done. Alec leaned on his sword, panting to catch his breath. He could hear the footsteps of Jace approaching, “Alec, what the fuck? We were supposed to wait for backup! Do you have a fucking death wish?” 

He came closer to place a hand on his shoulder and Alec flinched away, standing up. Jace’s hand was stained red. “Alec, are you injured?” He tried to take a look but Alec turned away again.

“I’m fine.” He mumbled, walking around the area to collect his arrows.

“This could be serious, if it’s poisoned—“

“—I said I’m fine!” His deep voice echoed through the place, cold and emotionless. 

Jace’s jaw twitched, his fist clenched tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

“It’s been two years! Two fucking years! How much longer are you going to ignore me?” He blurted out before he could stop himself. His voice sounded a lot more injured than he intended. “Alec, please! We’re parabatai. We’re… we’re brothers. Please, stop pushing me away.”

Alec turned around, his ice cold glare meeting his. Jace couldn’t remember the last time there was a hint of warmness in his eyes. 

“Can you bring back the dead, Jace?” Alec asked, his expression empty. 

Jace just stared, opening and closing his mouth without a word. 

Alec nodded his head. “Thought so.”

Neither of them spoke a word on the way back to the Institute.

It was the first time after a very long while that Jace and Alec were assigned on a mission together. Jace had been hoping that the opportunity would help bring them close again, but now, as Alec walked ten steps ahead of him without a single glance back, Jace realized how wrong he had been.

Two years.

Two years since the day Magnus decided Alec’s life was more precious than his own, and assigned Jace to make sure his plan wouldn’t get interrupted.

Two years since the last time he had felt the tiniest bit of connection with his parabatai. He could still remember Alec’s pain as it radiated through the bond, the darkness, the cold. The feeling of his heart and soul shredded to pieces as Alec screamed out Magnus’s name, clawing at the only thing left of him: Dust. He was frantically trying to hold on to it, but it would slip through his fingers, just like Magnus did.

There was no body. No grave. The warlocks and other Downworlders from all around the world had gathered multiple times for memorials, but Alec never attended any.

Two years.

Alec had closed the bond off for two years. It was difficult to get used to the void at first, but now Jace had almost learned to go on with his life despite the hollow feeling. What he wasn’t able to get used to was the fact that Alec never looked him in the eyes and never spoke to him unless necessary.

Two years.

Two years since Magnus’s sacrifice.
Two years since Alec’s world burned down in flames right in front of his eyes.
Two years since Jace lost his parabatai, not to death, but to grief.

Jace knew he made a mistake. He knew it the second he felt the magnitude of Alec’s pain. He knew there was no turning back from what he had done. Magnus’s loss broke Alec down and tore him to pieces, and Jace knew that he could never be the same again. He knew he had lost his parabatai forever.

“How did it go?” Isabelle greeted the two of them at the entrance. She had been running the Institute for the past two years. Alec never got back to the job, saying he saw no point in trying to change a world Magnus wasn’t living in.

“Job’s done.” Alec replied briefly and walked past her, heading straight to the solitude of his room. He had moved back to the Institute shortly after Magnus’s death, suffocated by the thought of living in that apartment, surrounded by memories and belongings of Magnus.

“How did it go?” Izzy repeated the question to Jace, and Jace knew it wasn’t the mission she was asking about.

“Horrible.” He also replied briefly, not in the mood to talk.

Alec closed the door to his bedroom, ridding himself of gear and dirty clothes. His arm was throbbing, nasty trails of blood and ichor and demon venom running down from the bite wound.
He hissed in pain as he tried to clean the skin, drawing iratzes around the injury.

“A foresaken wound often needs a little warlock TLC. May I? Free of charge!”

Alec’s hands clenched in fists at the reminder of the memory. Why was his own mind betraying him like that? Playing and replaying memories, longing someone who was long gone and impossible to reach. The more he tried to ignore the thoughts, the harder they rushed to his head. Smiles, touches, words, colors. The gold of his eyes. The blue of his magic. The smell of sandalwood. The way his voice would caress the word as he spoke his name.

“Alexander.”

Alec clenched his fists tighter as his breaths speeded up, growing shallow and rushed. He felt like he was trapped, in his own skin, in this room, in this world where Magnus was nowhere to be found. Dark spots appeared on the corners of his vision as he kept hyperventilating. No matter how much time passed, realization would hit him in the face from time to time: Magnus was gone. He was never coming back. No matter what he did, no matter how much he searched. Magnus was gone to a place he could never reach. Alec was alone. Alec was supposed to face the pain for the rest of his life, alone.

 He could still remember the tears in Magnus’s eyes as he looked at him for the last time, before turning away and letting himself get swallowed by the flames. He could still remember the coldness of the dust that was left behind.

The air felt too small for his lungs; his chest tightened as if something unseen had wrapped itself around his ribs.

He clutched the ring he wore around his neck all the time like a life line. He squeezed it hard, and then harder, letting the metal sink deep into his skin, the sharp edges drawing out blood.

People kept telling Alec how Magnus would have wanted him to move on, to be happy. They said he owed it to him, to his sacrifice, to his bravery. Alec didn’t consider death a bravery. It didn’t take courage to leave everything behind. It took courage to stay and deal with the loss, with the nightmares, with the cold, empty side of the bed every time he woke up, suffocating. Alec wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the fact that Magnus forced it on him. He died so Alec could live, and Alec didn’t have the right to end it now. Because he owed it to him, as much as he hated every single second of it.

Alec forced himself to his feet, holding on to the wall to keep his balance. He dragged himself to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, observing a man he couldn’t recognize. Sunken eyes with dark circles underneath, hollowed cheeks and a messy beard he rarely felt like shaving. His eyes drifted down, to the uncountable various scars on his body: A cut through his neck, a stab wound right over his heart, bite marks and cuts all over his torso.

He laughed bitterly. People were expecting him to move on while the reminders were literally carved onto his skin.

His eyes drifted to the razor he had left on the edge of the sink. 

“Just, promise you’ll tell me if things ever get that bad.”

“Things are bad, Magnus. What are you going to do about it?” Alec muttered bitterly, reaching for the razor. He wasn’t sure who he was punishing anymore—himself? Or Magnus? 

He sat under the shower, his back resting on the cold tiles. He breathed heavily as the water turned crimson, blood oozing out of the four new cuts he made on his left thigh. He watched in fascination as little red droplets fused with water and ran down his skin. The warm water felt amazing on his tired muscles, easing the tension away. He sighed and rested his head back, letting his eyes close.

People said Magnus was still with him, watching over everything. Alec hoped he did. He hoped he could see what he had done to him.

***

“How’s he doing?” Clary asked as she climbed onto the bed to lie down next to Jace.

“Same.” Jace mumbled, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. Clary rested her head on his bare chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“You have to be patient with him. He’s been through hell, again and again.”

Jace sighed. “I know. I just wish I could be there for him. I wish he wasn’t so damn stubborn and let us help him, be there for him. I promised Magnus that I would take care of him and I’m simply useless.”

“Hey,” Clary cupped his face with her hands, finally meeting his eyes. “You’re doing everything you can. It’s not your fault-“

“-But it is, Clary. I should have stopped Magnus. I should have let Alec talk to him, and convince him to stop. It definitely is my fault.”

“Jace, it was the only way to save Alec’s life.”

“Maybe. But can you honestly say that Alec’s alive now?”

Clary fell silent, blinking her tears away. She missed Magnus, and she missed the man Alec used to be. “No. He’s not.”

***

Alec had no idea for how long he stayed under the spraying water before he dragged himself out. A quick iratze fixed the cuts he had made, leaving faint scars behind. He carelessly dried his body with a towel and collapsed on the bed. It was starting to get dark outside. Another day was almost over.
This was his new routine: Killing demons, nightmares and panic attacks, razors and cuts. It was almost impossible to remember the man he used to be, before his body was taken apart again and again by a maniac mermaid and before his soul was crushed by the loss of Magnus. He couldn’t remember what happiness felt like anymore.

Slowly, his eyes drifted shut, and the nightmares came back. Nightmares of dark figures closing in on him, sucking out all his blood, of drowning, of watching Magnus walk away and never getting to catch him. He startled awake again and again, only to find darkness and an empty bed.