Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mydei had always loathed bothersome things.

As a Chrysos Heir and sole leader of the Kremnoan Detachment, he was someone who carried a ginormous amount of responsibilities on his back. That meant he absolutely despised wasting valuable time being ineffective.

It was easy for him to recall moments when the Council of Elders denied vital plans to protect Okhema just to spite the Chrysos Heirs. Or when his fellow Kremnoans would refuse to cooperate with Okheman soldiers due to petty disagreements.

It was those types of situations that irked Mydei beyond reasonable measure. When people purposefully impeded progress because of their own opinions and agendas, how could he not lose his temper at their stupidity? Too many times had Mydei seen how emotions could make people act irrationally.

Despite all that, Mydei never saw Phainon as a bother.

Yes, he'd serve as a distraction most times in the form of a chatterbox and he'd often rush into anything without a second thought (both on the battlefield and off), leaving Mydei to clean up the messes he'd make. 

But ultimately, the Deliverer was a comrade who also valued good work ethic. He was never one to avoid his duties or let his emotions completely cloud his judgment. Because Phainon dedicated his life to the flame chase journey, he never failed to give even the most miniscule of jobs his full effort.

This was just one of the many traits Mydei admired about his lover. However, this characteristic that he deeply respected also had its fair share of drawbacks when it came to Phainon.

Since the Deliverer dedicated himself to every task, it was a given he'd sometimes push himself too far.

If he wasn't already busy enough with his own individual Chrysos Heir duties, he'd often volunteer for any mission Aglaea presented. If another heir needed help with something, it was of course Phainon who'd take time to help in any way he could. And if he had even an hour of free time, he'd spend it honing his combat abilities on the training grounds.

With all of that, it'd be impossible for Phainon not to burn out eventually. Mydei would often chastise the man for overexerting himself, telling him even the best of warriors needed time for rest.

But Phainon -in normal Phainon fashion- would simply brush it off with a carefree laugh."Is that concern I hear in your voice, Mydei? Worry not my dear prince, I'm not overdoing it. And even if I was, you'd take care of me, wouldn't you?"

Mydei wanted to smack that blithe idiot back then for not caring enough for his own well-being. Phainon very rarely confided whenever he was feeling worn thin or stressed out and only ever to Mydei. Practically no one else knew just how those bright blue eyes which always shined the sun would dim like a night sky whenever Phainon reached his limit.

It was really only in Mydei's embrace that Phainon would allow himself to unwind and relax. However, if the Crowned Prince wasn't around...

It was about midday when Mydei got back to Okhema with his envoy of Kremnoan soldiers. They'd been gone for about a week to fight the black tide in the outerlands that surrounded the Holy City.

It was a tradition in the Kremnoan culture to go on this hunting exhibition of sorts every summer solstice to bring good luck for the future battles in the year. It also served as a good excuse to keep each other's combat prowess in check while spending quality time together on the battlefield. Needless to say, Mydei always enjoyed these particular few days he got to spend with his people. 

Mydei bid farewell to his fellow warriors before he began to head towards the Hero's Bath to inform Aglaea of their return. 

He'd originally intended to turn in for the day after that as the week of traveling took a hefty toll on his body, but as the platform to the bath's ascended to the top he had an immediate shift in plans.

Instead of seeing the Goldweaver, he spotted the man who would always captivate any room with his presence. Phagousa’s streams of holy water flowed and trickled around them, sparkling under the radiant light of the dawn device, and in the center of that stood Phainon who's snow white hair and fair complexion appeared to glow in the artificial sunlight.

He donned his usual patterned coat and blue cape, seemingly spaced out as he stared off into the distance. Even as Mydei took heavy steps forward against the marble flooring, the Deliverer didn't appear to take notice of the Kremnoan’s presence at all.

Mydei paused a few feet away from Phainon and quietly took the opportunity to observe his dazed expression. 

For all the flack Mydei gave him, Phainon's natural allure was undeniable (when he wasn't being cocky or talking nonstop of course). Everything from his sculpted body to his devastatingly defined features was tantalizing. This was even more obvious now as his face remained relaxed in his reverie, thin lips smoothed into a neutral position as his silver eyelashes fluttered dangerously close to one another. 

Mydei couldn't help it when his own mouth curved into a slight smile at the endearing sight of his partner. 

Though you would refute it, you look absolutely adorable right now Deliverer.

He fought back the temptation to reach out and brush his fingers against Phainon's cheek and instead opted to cut through the tranquil silence. 

"What a surprise." He greeted. "I didn't expect to see you so soon, Deliverer."

At the sound of Mydei's voice, Phainon's head snapped in his direction. He looked almost shocked to see Mydei standing there, brows raised in disbelief. However, his keen eyes seemed to be a bit hazy now, like he was still half asleep.

The Deliverer stared incredulously for a few seconds, like he was seeing a ghost, before he sputtered "Mydei? You're back already?"

"Already?" Mydei repeated a bit skeptical. "It's been 6 days. I told you I'd be back by now."

"Oh... I didn't even notice it'd already been that long. Sorry."

He was being genuine with his words. Mydei needed only to study Phainon's sheepish demeanor for a moment to see there were several other things running through his mind.

Yet, in spite of knowing that fact, Mydei wasn't going to miss an opportunity to tease him. Besides, their banter usually helped ground Phainon back to the present.

Mydei placed his hand on his chest as a mock show of hurt. "Did you not miss me all this time we were apart? I was certain you'd be pining for me right about now, begging to know where I was."

Phainon, being clearly familiar with this song and dance, simply rolled his eyes and faintly smirked. "As if I couldn't go that long without seeing you. You do know I don't spend my whole day just thinking about you, right?"

A scoff. "That's rich coming from the man who wouldn't stop pestering me for attention every damn day. You'd follow me around the marketplace like a lost puppy until I relented to your whining. And besides, didn't you yourself confess there isn't a moment where I'm not on your mind-"

"Alright! Alright..." A light flush had now spread across Phainon's pale face as he loudly cut Mydei off, embarrassed by that memory from not long ago. He cleared his throat into his fist before averting his gaze to the side. "Maybe I did miss you a bit. Happy now?"

"Hm. I'm sure 'a bit' is an understatement, but I'll let it slide." Before Phainon could protest, Mydei quickly switched subjects. "Was everything alright while I was gone? You didn't have to do any missions on your own?"

A nervous glint passed through Phainon's expression before he tried to cover it with a shrug. "Nothing out of the ordinary I think. Just Caenis and the Council being difficult as usual."

The prince cocked a disbelieving eyebrow, not dumb enough to fall for such a vague explanation. "Is that so? Was that really all or am I going to have to ask Aglaea for the whole truth?"

"Hey! There's no need for that I'm not lying I swear! The elders just decided to stir up some trouble between the scholars at the Grove and Aglaea. Of course Professor Anaxa wasn't going to get involved so I went for a few days to settle the waters. So it's not like there were any combative missions anyway..."

Mydei gave a satisfied hum as he shook his head. "Sounds like a pain. What did those hyenas do this time?"

"Trust me, you really don't want to waste your time hearing about their absurdities." He muttered while rubbing his face. Usually Phainon fared better with the tedious Okheman politics than Mydei's tolerance could ever permit. Yet it appeared the former man's abundance of patience could also run out eventually. "It's been mostly dealt with now. I'm actually here to tell Aglaea the problem has been resolved before I head back to the Grove on the Professor's request. Something about me needing another lesson in 'proper etiquette'."

"Heh. Although I've never met that blasphemer in person, the more you tell me about him, the more he seems to be a rather sensible man." The Kremnoan goaded with a snort.

Phainon pouted. "That's rude Mydei. And I for one am way better at etiquette than a supposed crown royal of Castrum Kremnos."

"Think you can prove it?"

"I don't need to. I'm not the one who walks around half-naked all the time. And I certainly don't sit improperly like you. With your legs spread so scandalously…” Those azure eyes which now held an undertone of hunger raked over Mydei's figure languidly from bottom to top, taking in the image of the man before him. “Not that I'm complaining about either of those things-"

The only thing that stopped Phainon from continuing his egregious talk and completely embarrassing the both of them was the swift slap of Mydei's ungloved hand over Phainon's mouth. 

"I'd rather not listen to your depraved thoughts at this hour of the day.” He removed his hand before Phainon could do something horrific such as licking his palm (he'd fallen for that trick too many times before). “Although I must admit, it's a shame you have to depart again so soon." 

"Oh?" Phainon's eyes lit up as he gave a devilish grin. "Don't tell me you wanted to hear my words that badly tonight?"

It took everything within Mydei to restrain himself from swatting Phainon upside the head. "You seriously need to get your head out the gutter." He managed to scold instead. "What I meant to say was it's a shame we're missing out on some sparring. I need to check that your skills did not dull while I was away."

"Ah I get it.” Without warning Phainon moved forward, crowding into Mydei's space. With one suggestive eyebrow raised he purred almost directly into the Mydei’s ear. “You wanted to spend some quality time together 'cuz you missed me too. Don't fret too much Mydei, I'll be back by tomorrow to give you all the attention you desire." 

Phainon's taunting was abruptly cut off by Mydei's fist heading straight towards his smug face. However, Phainon easily caught the blow with one hand a few inches before it met its target (just as Mydei predicted sadly). He burst out laughing while Mydei grumbled in annoyance. "...HKS."

Despite the Kremnoan's threatening voice and killer stare, Phainon showed no signs of fear. As his laughter died down, he slowly brought Mydei's fist to his chest and cradled it there with both hands like a precious gift. In that moment, Mydei thought those normally cool fingertips held an unusual amount of warmth to them. It almost startled him, not being able to recognize his lover's touch. But as Phainon lifted his eyes and looked at Mydei with that same earnest gaze, his heart calmed. The Prince felt his own ichor eyes soften at the familiar sight.

Mydei thought he must've been imagining things.

With the mood now shifted, everything felt much more intimate and heightened. Like they were temporarily freed from all their responsibilities and anxieties. No longer did they hold their titles as Crown Prince, Deliverer, or even Chrysos Heir.

For now (and in every time they previously stood together with completely open hearts to one another), they were simply Mydei and Phainon. Two men with nothing else left in this world but each other. 

The next time Phainon spoke, it was much more gentle. "Perhaps it really is better to postpone our quality time. You look absolutely tired, beloved."

"I can't possibly look worse than you do right now." After watching him for some time, Mydei could clearly see Phainon's built-up fatigue from the past week. His typically sharp movements now seemed sluggish and drawn out. That, and his tousled hair and hollowed-eyed face was all the evidence Mydei needed to know the Deliverer deserved a break.

Mydei closed the small gap of space between them while still keeping their hands connected and unceremoniously plopped his head onto Phainon's left shoulder. He nuzzled his nose further into Phainon’s neck, relishing in the comforting scent of subtle vanilla. A content sigh left Mydei's lips before he whispered, "...Must you really go? I'm sure Anaxa wouldn't mind if you said you couldn't make it. We both need to rest."

A nervous chuckle resonated into the air as Phainon abruptly took a step back from their pseudo embrace. Once again, it was another oddity that Phainon would instantly move away from Mydei's touch as if he was alarmed by it.

Mydei could only direct a questioning look at Phainon who turned away and scratched his nape anxiously "I'll be okay Mydei it's only one more day. You're the one who needs to rest more after all you've been through the past few days. I already have to wait for Aglaea, so you should go ahead to your chambers. I can let her know you've returned."

It was obvious that Phainon knew he was biting off more than he could chew. Getting Mydei to leave was most likely his way of avoiding admission to that fact, especially since he knew Mydei would undoubtedly keep pushing the subject.

The Kremnoan furrowed his eyebrows in a deep scowl as he crossed his arms. "Must you always be such a hard-ass? How many times do I need to repeat myself before you get it through your thick skull?" He growled through gritted teeth.

"And how many times must I tell you I'm fine" Phainon retorted tightly. His relaxed face now tensed defensively. "I wouldn't be a worthy 'Deliverer' if I couldn't handle this much."

At times like these, Mydei wasn't certain about the reason for Phainon's annoying and borderline stupid persistence. Was it that difficult to take a break sometimes? Either way, they both knew this would continue going on forever considering their similar unyielding natures and neither seemed interested in an argument they both heard before.

So, in an uncommon occurrence, Mydei easily conceded knowing that despite Phainon's obstinance now, he'd succumb to his exhaustion eventually and go to Mydei as he always did. He still couldn't help but feel irritated that it had to come to that every time.

With the previous mood now completely soured, Mydei's shoulders sagged in defeat. However, his piercing glare at the man in front of him did not cease. "This is pointless bickering. I refuse to waste any more time with this when you always refuse to listen."

Perhaps it was Mydei's own mixture of tiredness and anger that made him so impatient then. That made him utter words harsher than he normally would with his partner (even if he was upset with him). 

But to see Phainon's normally lighthearted demeanor dampen with such sadness almost made Mydei forget all the emotions running through his head. The Deliverer's mouth gaped open for a few seconds, seemingly lost on what to say before he lowered his head and quivered "Mydei-"

"Enough" Mydei snapped dismissively. "If you're so hellbent on this, don't bother with a worthless apology. It's not like I would want a real one either way."

Phainon could only nod reluctantly in response while his lips pursed, clearly wanting to say more.

Mydei let out a weary sigh, feeling much more exhausted than before he walked into the room. Not wanting to be in this suffocating atmosphere any longer, he turned on his heel in a swift motion to leave. "Let me know once you've returned tomorrow. Then we can speak about this properly.”

The Prince glanced over his shoulder, waiting for Phainon's response only to see him staring at Mydei's back wide-eyed. With one outstretched hand he reached for Mydei's wrist before stiffening as if he'd made a mistake. He quickly retracted his arm. "Alright..."

With one last ‘hmph’ of acknowledgement, Mydei finally stepped away towards the elevator while not sparing a second glance or a real farewell.

Internally, Mydei felt this was the right course of action for both of them. He needed time on his own to cool off before he uttered something he'd really regret, and Phainon was better off seriously thinking about what Mydei said. This is how they always handled disagreements anyway. Eventually they'd both settle down, apologize, and that would be the end of it.

Mydei didn't even think much else of it at the time.

What went over his head was the small but glaring abnormalities from that exchange, and not much later would he regret overlooking them in the first place.

-

His sleep was restless that night. While Mydei was fortunately not someone plagued by nightmares, the ongoing pressure of one day making the correct decision for his people and becoming a demigod seemed to grow into a major source of anxiety for him. Instead of incomprehensible visions haunting his mind, it was his own thoughts that ran rampant whenever he'd lie down and close his eyes. Usually, his own exhaustion or the presence of his partner served to remedy this, but it appeared the former wasn't working today, and the latter was simply unavailable.

So in between a fit of tossing and turning while being half asleep, Mydei was suddenly jerked to complete consciousness by a polite knock at his door.

His messy blonde hair rustled against his forehead and neck as he sat up exasperated. Although Okhema was always showered in daylight, his own room was filled with darkness from the drawn curtains at the balcony as a way to simulate the missing night. As his eyes squinted at the door, he presumed it must have been long past the curtain-fall hour at that point. 

Mydei rarely had visitors show up to his home during the day, let alone at this time of night.

Of course, Phainon tended to appear whenever he pleased (Mydei didn't mind his unexpected visits but would never admit to that outloud). It was even more expected after they'd argued like last afternoon. The Deliverer was always eager to fix things rather quickly each time that happened.

However, Phainon was not even in Okhema at that time, which made this whole occurrence even more bizarre. Something important must've been going on.

Mydei let out a dull breath of air before shoved away his satin covers and rolled out of bed with only a loose pair of black pants fitted around his waist. He made his way across the room in haste, first grabbing a crimson robe from his closet before haphazardly slipping it onto his naked torso as he strode toward the entrance.

Opening the door brought in a cool summertime breeze from the corridor outside, and along with that came a familiar bone-chilling presence that Mydei knew far too well from his constant trips to the River of Souls.

"Castorice?" The so-called maiden of war stood in front of him quietly like a spectral figure as he looked down at her. Although she wore her usual frayed attire and bowed her head in a respectful greeting, she seemed to be in a much more somber mood as she stared straight at Mydei with a frown. Castorice normally avoided other's gazes, but now her magenta eyes met his with desperation.

"Lord Mydei. I apologize for bothering you, but I need to tell you something urgent." She stated with her soft voice.

"What is it?" It was rare for Castorice to ever speak so directly to anyone, especially Mydei. Despite that, they both held a large amount of unspoken respect for one another, and Mydei would not hesitate to hear her out on anything.

"Well..." Her boost of confidence began to deflate as she lowered her eyes uneasily. "Truthfully, I was told not to mention this to you, but I didn't feel it was right to leave you in the dark considering..." She trailed off with a timid shake of her head as if she was clearing her head. "Please just don't tell anyone I told you. Especially not Lord Phainon."

At the mention of his lover's name, Mydei's curiosity was officially piqued. His initial assumption was that Phainon did something foolish again and asked Castorice to cover for him. "You have my word. I won't tell him."

Castorice's tense body relaxed with a relieved sigh. Her gaze returned to him once again as she spoke. "You saw Lord Phainon earlier today, correct? Did he seem off to you?"

The Kremnoan's brows furrowed in confusion. "Not particularly. He just looked worn out like he always does when he jumps into a mess." That's why I told him to stop doing that was left unsaid. 

Castorice's face twisted into a grimace not filled necessarily with despair but more so an emotion closer to guilt. Mydei recognized this face well, for he too wore it when he had to deliver the news of one of his comrades passing to their loved ones. 

The realization hit him like a stab to the gut. His pulse quickened with fear as he grew to understand Castorice was most likely here to tell him something he never wanted to hear. Mydei's suddenly hoarse voice demanded an answer to a question he dreaded to ask. "...Where is Phainon?"

"He's fine, Lord Mydei." Probably seeing the terror Mydei's face, Castorice's answer was both instantaneous and assertive, which quelled some of Mydei's rising panic-

"Lord Phainon has... fallen extremely ill"

-Just before it returned this time with a touch of disbelief. In all the time Mydei knew him, Phainon had never been sick before. "What?“ He reeled.

"Lady Aglaea met with him earlier today before he was set to depart to the Grove. But during that meeting, he collapsed without warning. Thankfully, Lady Hyacine was also there since she had planned to travel back with him. She assessed his condition and made sure his life wasn't in any immediate danger."

"Does she know what's wrong with him?" Mydei asked gravely.

"She believes it was an illness brought on by overwork and stress. He should be fine as long as he rests. However, his symptoms are more severe than warranted according to Lady Hyacine. It's as if this was not just caused by Lord Phainon's work from recently but rather a built-up bout of exhaustion that finally spilled over. It's unfortunate that none of us noticed something was wrong beforehand..." She murmured the last sentence remorsefully as her clasped hands tightened around each other.

Sadly, it was only then that Phainon's weird behavior from earlier made sense to Mydei. Phainon wasn't just trying to get Mydei to leave him alone because of the rest thing but rather because he didn't want the Prince to catch on to his illness.

The unfocused appearance Phainon had when Mydei walked in the room along with the dazed words he spoke during the beginning of their conversation. He was much warmer to the touch and pulled back when Mydei made contact with him.

It all pointed to the fact that Phainon knew his condition all along and decided to not only put up a show for everyone else but even Mydei as well.

The shock from that revelation only flared for a brief second before it was eclipsed by an overwhelming feeling of infuriation.

"...That idiot." He seethed, jaw clenched so hard it almost stung. "That prideful, bull-headed, son of a bitch!" Castorice -the poor girl- physically flinched as Mydei roared. Although his anger wasn't directed at her, Mydei must've looked terrifying due to her own startled expression.

"Lord Mydei please-"

But Mydei had already rashly careened past her, prepared to strangle a certain white-haired man despite not knowing where he was yet. Mydei was barely able to register past the red in his vision that Castorice was struggling to trail behind him as her short heels hastily clicked against the tile ground.

"Where is he Castorice?" It didn't matter to Mydei whether she told him or not. He'd find out where Phainon was eventually, and then that man would have some hell to pay for being so inherently reckless.

Just then Castorice finally managed to outpace Mydei and cut in front of him with her arms raised like a human wall. The Prince stopped begrudgingly before he shot her an intimidating glare that screamed 'move'.

But it didn't work as it usually did with weaker men, as the short girl stood her ground unfazed. She uncharacteristically leveled her own glare of warning at Mydei and exclaimed, "I didn't tell you this so you could yell at him Lord Mydei. I understand why you're upset, but now is not the time to lecture him."

Mydei regarded her bitterly, "You have no idea about the countless times I warned that moron he was doing too much. And now he went on to pull a stunt like this? How do you expect me to stay quiet when he's been quite literally toying with his own life?"

"Because getting angry with Lord Phainon won't serve to help him at all right now." She shut her eyelids tightly like she was fending off her own thoughts. "All of us are frustrated with him as well, but making sure he gets better is our top priority. And I think the thing that'll help him the most is you, Lord Mydei. He needs you to be there for him."

Castorice had forced Mydei to pause and really think about what he was doing, and deep down, he knew she was right. His anger was counterproductive to what Phainon, someone who sounded seriously ill, needed. Going on a rampage against him would just make things worse.

Mydei knew it, and yet... his own conflicting thoughts skewered his judgment so severely since beneath all that anger was a lump of twisted hurt. Were they not partners? Did Phainon really not trust him enough to tell him he was feeling that considerably unwell? And even if he couldn't trust him specifically, why would he refuse to tell anyone at all?

Gradually, as both Chrysos Heirs stood still in that sunny hallway, Mydei's frustration began to dampen with the realization that Phainon's reasoning had to have been more complex. To go to such lengths to keep it hidden... Phainon must've thought it was something he had to do, and that thought scared Mydei even more.

As the anger subsided (for now), a wave of sickening worry finally tremored within Mydei's chest as he got back to realizing the gravity of the situation. Now, he felt like an idiot for letting his feelings get so out of control when he had something so important to do. 

"...You're right Castorice. I'm sorry for my behavior." 

Castorice exhaled shakily and lowered her arms. "You have nothing to apologize for. I know how much you care for him, so your reaction isn't unwarranted."

Neither Phainon nor Mydei ever flaunted the details of their relationship to anyone. It wasn't as if it was something they wanted to keep secret (Mydei was sure it would've been a poorly kept secret anyways considering how they acted around each other). It was simply... an extremely personal thing for both of them. 

If the world was full of death and approaching its inevitable end, then what they had built together was like a veiled oasis. A small paradise they could bask in, yet to be touched by the scorching heat outside. Only they needed to know about this place, no one else.

That being said, he was sure the Chysos Heirs, being as perceptive as they were, knew exactly what was going on between the two of them. Thankfully, none of them had remarked on it directly, most likely out of respect for their privacy. But it was hard to ignore Aglaea's knowing gaze whenever she caught the pair hanging out together at the Hero's Baths or Tribbie's giggles when they jabbed teases at one another during meetings.

Surprisingly enough, it was Castorice who had tried to discreetly show the most support for them, albeit in charmingly unsubtle ways. It was her who would shyly suggest new places to eat or hang out in Okhema since they were 'pleasant spots to talk'. Once, she'd even made them matching beaded bracelets (Phainon adored those bracelets the most since they reminded him of the kind he'd make in his homeland). 

She had always wished the best for them, so Mydei didn't even feel the slightest bit unnerved to know what she was hinting at so blatantly. If anything his gratitude only grew further for all she did.

"Thank you for telling me," He said sincerely. He'd have to find a way to repay her one of these days.

Castorices mouth gaped open as her eyes grew wide. A light shade of red dusted her face and she quicked turned her head to cover her embarrassment. "It's r-really no trouble Lord Mydei" was all she could manage to stammer out.

Mydei would've lightly laughed if the situation wasn't so dire, but his head was already thinking about Phainon and how bad he really was.

He asked her again, this time more serious and not clouded by anger but rather complete devotion.

"Where's Phainon?”

Chapter Text

They had taken Phainon back to his own place to recuperate. Leaving him in the medical quarters was simply not an option, as the Council would undoubtedly take advantage of the situation to spread rumors or question the Heirs on their competency.

Hyacine had volunteered to take care of him, but that also meant she'd be obligated to stay in Okhema longer than originally planned (which would surely ruffle the feathers of a certain Professor). Luckily enough for her, Mydei would arrive just in time to relieve her from that predicament.

After Castorice calmed him down, Mydei had gone back to his room for a quick change of clothes before he set off to see Phainon. The Prince now sported his normal day to day attire of a red chiton and dark pants, but left behind his metallic armor and gauntlets knowing he wouldn't need them for this task. 

At that forsaken hour, there was practically no people lingering around the winding corridors of the Marmoreal Palace. Only some walked past him eyeing him warily, as if his mere presence was a bad omen. Mydei was used to the feeling of being judged by others, especially within Okhema, where Kremnoan's were particularly scrutinized for their practices and alleged 'brutish nature'. It was always easy for him to brush off those close-minded individuals because their opinions meant nothing beyond ignorant chatter.

However, now his mind was too occupied by other erratic thoughts to even notice there were people shooting glares at him. His steps were made in haste and held the conviction of a man with a steeled resolve. Yet Mydei couldn't help but feel the complete opposite. The only thing driving him then was the anxiety coiled around his chest. 

He was so lost in his own thoughts, that he arrived at Phainon's place before he even realized it. The golden accents on the front door frame glistened under the fake sunlight from the sky overhead, blinding rays catching in Mydei's vision. His body stopped on its own, automatically knowing exactly where he was.

Despite his pounding heart that echoed into his ears, Mydei knew he needed to get it together. It wasn't like Phainon was dying or anything. There was no reason to be worrying like a clingy wife whenever her husband caught a minor cold (he internally chastised himself for even making that comparison).

When he finally managed to calm his lackluster mind, he took a firm step forward and pushed the door open, not even bothering to knock. Phainon's room looked mostly the same from the last time he visited. All personal chambers in Marmoreal Palace had the same layout, a bed on one side of the room, and a personal bath on the other. Past all that was a balcony at the end of the room closed by drawn silk curtains. Phainon always made it a point to lighten up the space with either gaudy antiques he found in the marketplace or small plants potted in amphora vases.

However, that normally bright atmosphere now seemed dampened by either the lack of sunlight or the low mood. The only source of light came from the desk next to Phainon's bed, where a singular clay oil lamp burned dimly. That was also where Hyacine now sat, or more correctly slept as she rested her head on top of the hardwood.

It most definitely did not look like a comfortable position. Her head was turned in his direction, pink bangs draped over her closed eyes. She looked peaceful, as if she was having a pleasant dream. Mydei stepped forward light on his feet, not wanting to disturb the girl's sleep.

Just a Mydei reached her side, he briefly glimpsed past her slumped body towards the occupied bed.

Phainon laid there almost completely still besides the labored breaths of air he took with slightly parted lips. His body was covered by a thin afghan which was draped just above his waist, revealing his bare chest that rose and fell with some difficulty. Even with the poor lighting in the room, Mydei could make out the sheen of sweat over Phainon's milky white skin. Though a folded hand towel was placed on his forehead to cool him, his facial features were still scrunched into a permanent wince as his fever clearly burned on without restraint.

It was displeasing to see him looking so feeble laying there. Castorice had emphasized how bad his illness was, but to see it in person was a totally different experience. Now Mydei understood why she appeared so frightened earlier.

Mydei wanted nothing more than to be by Phainon's side now, but first he needed to chat with Hyacine.

The Prince leaned down and gingerly placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"Hyacine"

She stirred with a small groan and slowly opened her eyes one at a time before peering up at Mydei. 

"Lord Mydei?" Hyacine didn't appear to be all that surprised to see him as she took her time to sit up and stretch. She turned her attention back to him and beamed brightly. "Are you here to see Lord Phainon?" She asked expectantly.

As always, Hyacine's joyful personality paired with her innocent bluntness caught Mydei off guard. He turned away a bit flustered. "...Something like that." He begrudgingly muttered. He began to quickly make up an excuse on the fly, only to make this a bit easier on his pride. "Actually, I heard the Professor is expecting you to be back at the Twilight Courtyard soon. Won't he be pretty mad when you don't show up?"

"Yeah..." Her teal eyes flitted away, that reassuring smile remained on her face albeit slightly strained now. "But I'm sure Professor Anaxa will understand once I tell him I was watching over a patient. Especially since that patient is Phainon."

"Or he'll think it's a scheme made up by Aglaea to keep you hostage here. Everyone in Okhema knows just how much he loves to blame her for every minor inconvenience."

"Well... that is a possibility." She admitted reluctantly before clenching the fists resting in her lap. "But someone needs to look after him." Their heads simultaneously turned to look at Phainon's prone figure.

Hyacine was also someone who went above and beyond to help others no matter the extent of the task. Mydei had never known her to hesitate in lending aid to the ill or injured, treating each one of them with the same fervor of a well-versed doctor. She had a good heart, but Mydei thought she was also guilty of taking on way too many responsibilities. It wasn't as if Hyacine couldn't handle them (unlike a certain someone, she knew her limits and took breaks accordingly), but perhaps she also deserved more time to simply enjoy life without all the burdens she placed on herself.

Mydei tentatively crossed his arms and offered a suggestion. "I can do it."

She immediately jerked her head around, mouth agape as if Mydei had just said the most ludicrous thing. "You...?"

"It's not fair that you have to stay behind because of this idiot.” He gestured to Phainon with the tilt of his head “Since I have nothing better to do, I can take him off your hands for now."

Though Mydei spoke apathetically, he was also hyper aware of how terrible of a liar he was. He was certain anyone with a brain would be able to see through his half-hearted ruse. That's why it wasn't surprising to see Hyacine's puzzled expression slowly transform into a giddy smile as she grew to understand what was going on.

"I see... in that case it's fine with me!" She practically leaped out of her chair in excitement and wasted no time in shuffling through some of the scattered items she'd left on Phainon's desk. "Let me show you what to do!"

The healer proceeded to give Mydei some detailed care instructions as well as a pouch of medicine for Phainon to take once he woke up. It wasn't anything too complicated for the Prince to do and Hyacine was nothing but descriptive with her directions.

She finished by refreshing the wash towel resting Phainon's forehead with cool water before gathering the last of her belongings into her satchel. "I'll leave it to you then Lord Mydei. Just don't be too mean to him later, ok? Phainon’s going through a lot right now and arguing is the last thing he needs!" She nagged sternly as she made her way to the entrance.

"I know..." Mydei had already heard it from Castorice and preferred not to be scolded again within the same hour. He couldn't promise Phainon would escape unscathed once this whole ordeal was over, but for now he was here to care for the man and nothing else. 

Mydei followed her and opened the door out of courtesy. "I'll ask Krateros to escort you back to the Grove in the morning. You should probably rest for now. The journey back will be long, and we don't need anyone else collapsing."

To prove Mydei's point, Hyacine gave a short yawn and slowly blinked up at him. "Yeah you're probably right..." She said drowsily as her eyes drooped terribly low. Spending all that time taking care of Phainon seemed to finally catch up to her. However, that didn't stop the girl from pausing to give Mydei one last upbeat grin. "Thanks for taking over Mydei. I'll buy you some honeycakes next time I'm in Okhema!"

"There's no need for that. If anything, it's Phainon and I who owe you a lot after this." He paused for a moment, internally debating whether he should voice his true thoughts before he spoke again while looking anywhere besides Hyacine’s face. "Either way... it's not a favor when he's my own responsibility."

Hyacine giggled slightly amused but thankfully didn't push the subject any further. Mydei watched as she waved goodbye and took her leave towards the Garden of Life. He stood there for a brief second to gather himself before turning back and quietly shutting the door. With his entire attention solely on Phainon now, he wearily sighed and made his way to his lover's side.

The Deliverer didn't seem to be faring any better or worse. He remained utterly motionless throughout Mydei's exchange with Hyacine, and could have easily been mistaken for a corpse if it wasn't for the contorted expression he wore.

Mydei pulled the seat Hyacine was previously sitting in closer to Phainon's bed frame before he sat himself down and tiredly stared at Phainon's pale face. "You just love making messes don't you?"

The unconscious man next to him didn't do so much as lift a finger at Mydei's taunting. 

He tried again, snidely snickering to himself "What? You're not even going to try and defend yourself? I must be right if you of all people have nothing to say."

But there was yet again no response. Their usual back and forth was now a one sided beating that Mydei found no entertainment in. For the first time in his life, Mydei found himself actually missing Phainon's nonsensical chatter and shit eating grin. While those things were annoying without a doubt, he'd somehow grown weirdly fond of those quirks that formed the image of his partner.

It felt like there was now a void in the room without the Phainon's constant chirping.

Just look at what you’ve done to me Deliverer. You've driven me to insanity with your stupid blathering. 

Mydei's golden eyes flickered solemnly under the flame of the oil lamp as he finally allowed himself to reach out and touch Phainon's damp locks of hair. 

Gentleness never came easy to Mydei, since for the majority of his life, no one was around to teach him what the word meant nor how the action felt. All he knew was brutality, violence, and the fleeting sense of camaraderie he felt from the friends who surrounded him for a short time. If he wanted to show care for others, it felt nearly impossible to express it, even after all the time he spent in the Holy City and not on a bloodied battlefield.

That's why his fingers moved cautiously now as they rubbed against Phainon's scalp, like he was trying to imitate a soothing motion.

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd listened to what I said.” He chided quietly, the softness in his tone giving away the true intent behind his words. “Why couldn't you just have been honest with me?”

He never received an answer, and Mydei was certain even if he had asked Phainon while he was awake, he’d probably never get a straightforward explanation.

This was an enigmatic man, nearly obsessed with trying to present himself as nothing less than pristine while still harboring a boundless amount of human flaws. The facade of perfection was something Phainon clearly felt at ease hiding behind, even if the people close to him could see how much that facade weighed him down. 

Mydei could only continue twirling the silvery locks of hair between his fingers absentmindedly, thoughts elsewhere as his gaze rested on Phainon’s sickly expression.

If one day, not only that weight, but the weight of everything Phainon carried upon his shoulders crushed him, where would that leave the two of them? Would Mydei be seated here, trying to help put the pieces back together, exactly like he was doing at this moment? Or would he truly be sitting beside a corpse next time?

It wasn't as if they hopped into this tryst of sorts without knowing it was destined to fail from the very start. The Flame-Chase was a harrowing path, where only a sole individual would be allowed to step over the scorching cinders of their doomed world onto the next. 

But didn't they have some time before their destined end inevitably arrived? What was the point of trying to savor the short amount of time they had, when it could so easily be prematurely taken away by something as miniscule as an illness. 

Yet, despite the futility of it all-

“Here I am by your side.” A mumbled confession that he meant for absolutely no one to hear. 

Maybe I'm the real idiot here.

It was a meaningless thought, one that Mydei knew was derived from a momentary fit of frustration.

Because just as the Kremnoan attempted to relinquish his hand, Phainon suddenly stirred. His nose crinkled into a sniffle before subconsciously rubbing further into the rough palm against his cheek, as if demanding it to stay in its place. Insignificant as it was, that action alone sparked a well-known and uncontrollable ache within Mydei's heart.

The same ache that drew him towards Phainon's side in the first place, and the one that kept him there even if it was everything but rational.

-

Those next few hours were torturous.

It wasn't as if Mydei had never felt pain before. It had become his companion throughout his arduous lifetime of bloodshed and loneliness. He felt it whenever his body forcibly mended itself back together after each of his excruciating deaths. Or those times his cherished soldiers and friends fell to the blades of their enemies during violent battles.

Mydei knew the sensation of pain well, yet in this moment, the pain of witnessing someone he cared about suffering while he could do nothing to help was close to unbearable.

As the night went on, Phainon's condition continued to decline.

His temperature spiked to dangerously high levels as the original hint of color he had to his complexion drained completely, leaving behind a ghostly pallor. His body was clearly doing its best to fend off the blazing heat as his staggered breaths transformed into heaving.

The only thing that kept Mydei from feeling downright alarmed was Hyacine's warning from earlier foretelling this would most likely happen.

“With the state he's in right now, it’ll probably get worse before he gets better. I've already given him a dose of medicine so it's best to just let him weather through the worst of it.” 

And initially he planned to do just that. Mydei trusted Hyacine’s judgement (she was the experienced doctor after all) even if it was agonizing to watch Phainon go through it on his own. 

But that was before the nightmares set in.

Mydei had found some reading material lying around Phainon’s room (which included some anonymously written romantic poetry with an extremely familiar premise) and was trying to distract himself from the current situation, when he distantly heard a faint sound ripple through the placid room.

The Prince’s narrow focus shifted from the papyrus scroll he was reading to the sickly man lying next to him, just as another strained whimper escaped those gritted teeth. Though Phainon’s face was anything but relaxed before, his pinched features now screamed he was being tormented by an entity new type of ailment.

“Deliverer?” Mydei was immediately on his feet, attempting to figure out what was wrong. 

He leaned over the bed and in a swift motion reached out to feel the temperature on Phainon’s forehead. But before he could even brush his calloused fingers against that clammy skin, Phainon let out a strangled cry, eyelids still tightly shut. “Stop-!”

Instantly Mydei recoiled back, eyebrows raised in alarm. A sickening mixture of confusion and worry began to float around in his mind as he struggled to comprehend what was going on.

“Why… why can’t I stop…?” Fresh streams of tears began to spill over those long eyelashes, streaking down his temples and staining the pillow underneath his head.

Is he having a…?

Mydei had already known Phainon was prone to having nightmares before.

On those frequent occasions in which they’d shared a bed together, Phainon would sometimes awaken him in the middle of the night with nothing in particular to say. He'd start with a simple “Let’s talk about something” paired with a cool smirk, but could never completely conceal the shakiness in his tone nor the shuddering of his body against Mydei’s.

So the Kremnoan would indulge him. They’d murmur about the most mundane things while they cuddled under the sheets until Phainon was lulled back to sleep.

And sometimes, if he was feeling brave enough, Mydei would carefully question Phainon about it whenever it happened. He’d try to pass through the invisible barriers Phainon so meticulously built up, to help him open up about the terrifying scenes that plagued his dreams. 

But Phainon would never budge. He’d prefer to pretend nothing was amiss, that everything was fine, even if it was obviously not.

Yet none of those times had Mydei ever seen him like this…

It was Phainon’s choked sobs that made Mydei snap from his consternation back to the present dilemma. Not knowing exactly how to help him, he climbed over the mattress and took hold of Phainon’s left arm. 

“Phainon” Mydei called to him, desperately trying to anchor the man back to reality by violently shaking him. 

At first, Phainon writhed under his hold, attempting to twist free from Mydei while continuing to helplessly weep. But before long, his eyelids snapped open with a gasp, pupils blown wide as he looked past Mydei’s shoulder toward the ceiling. 

Those mist-filled eyes darted wildly across the room, as if he was still on high alert from whatever that nightmare was, and couldn't interpret what was actually in front of him. Finally, Phainon's startled gaze grazed over Mydei’s worried face looming above him and he froze.

“M-Mydei… is that you…?” He breathed out through sharp gasps of air. Gradually the frigid muscles in his feverish body relaxed under Mydei’s hand, leaving behind brief shivers that occured sporadically. 

Throat still clenched tightly, Mydei let out a tense sigh of relief before he loosened his grasp. “It's me.”

They stayed like that for a few seconds, Mydei giving Phainon the time and space to calm down, and the Deliverer continuing to stare up at the Prince in vivid shock.

Then without warning, something quick and unreadable flashed over Phainon’s face as his breath hitched. He suddenly jolted forward and grabbed Mydei’s wrist before viciously ripping it away from his arm. With some difficulty, Phainon propped himself up into a sitting position, swiping the moist wash towel off his forehead and tossing it to the side. He clutched his head as if it was throbbing. 

“Get out.” He hissed, words terse like a clipped order.

With how high his fever was, Mydei was certain Phainon wasn’t thinking straight. He shot back “What the hell are you-”

“Please leave, Mydeimos” Phainon dropped the hand ever so slightly to direct a venomous glare at Mydei “I thought I made myself clear when I told the others not to tell you.”

That explained why Castorice didn't want anyone (and especially Phainon) to know what she did. To know she was the one who revealed what was going on to Mydei.

It was Phainon himself who didn’t want Mydei here. To see him in this state.

He'd already assumed that to be the case before, but to hear it straight from Phainon meant Mydei really should’ve taken that as his cue to leave. If the Deliverer was so adamant on dealing with this without him, then Mydei should have been sensible enough to obey Phainon’s wishes by walking out the door and bringing Hyacine calling to look after him. 

But Mydei had always been a defiant man, never willing to readily yield to anyone when it came to things he felt strongly about. In that regard, both him and Phainon were painfully equal (it was bizarre in itself how they managed to coexist with one another let alone be involved in a romantic relationship).

And at that time he felt- no, knew, Phainon needed him there.

Mydei was far from blind. He took in the sight of those normally relaxed shoulders hunched defensively like a cornered animal. An animal that was acting on instinctual fear and trying to protect itself.

That fear didn’t seem to be pointed at Mydei but something beyond himself.

“If that’s what you really want then I’ll go.” He met Phainon’s hardened eyes unwavering, not showing a single ounce of uncertainty regardless of how out of element he felt then. “But do not lie to me again. Do you honestly want me to leave you alone right now?”

That seemed to pull the Deliverer from his stupor as his body visibly stiffened. The realization on his fallen face was palpable and raw, unable to conceal the ongoing conflict within his mind.

Mydei could only catch a glimpse of Phainon biting his lip nervously before he lowered his head in a seemingly ashamed manner, allowing his disheveled hair to fall over his distraught visage. With nowhere else to run, he was forced to confront his feelings and lay it bare to the man in front of him.

“...No.” He eventually admitted lowly before he spoke again, this time voice shattering along with Mydei’s heart. “But I don't want to hurt you.”

With that small but pivotal truth out in the open, Mydei no longer had any reason to hesitate. Still kneeling on the bed, he scooted forward and trekked across the little space that was in between them all this time. Now practically face to face, Phainon cautiously raised his head, the apprehensive yet questioning look he wore morphed into surprise as Mydei opened his arms, beckoning Phainon to him in an unsaid invitation. 

Come here.

Without a semblance of a second thought, Phainon bolted ahead. He clumsily wrapped around Mydei's muscular back, clinging fiercely to those broad shoulder blades. Fingernails dug into the scarlet lines painted there, as if was trying to engrave his crescent shaped marks on Mydei's skin.

The Kremnoan didn't mind it. He returned that frantic embrace by pressing his partner further into himself, one hand placed on the small of Phainon's back and the other cupping that fever-bitten nape. Mydei carefully guided Phainon's head into the space between his shoulder and neck, allowing the Deliverer to seek refuge in the place he could always find solace in. 

It was there, inside the confines of that dreary and draft room, that they slotted against each other. Flesh against flesh. Heartbeats intertwined into a singular rhythm.

It was a bitter hug, not simply because of mere physical discomfort. The heat radiating from Phainon’s half-naked person was practically that of a roaring furnace, quickly making them both sweaty from their shared body heat. Yet, what truly struck Mydei was the erratic rise and fall of Phainon's chest as he struggled to keep his emotions from spilling out in between them.

After a long beat of nothingness, Mydei cut through the peaceful quietude with a husky whisper. “How would you hurt me?”

A warm puff of wind tickled Mydei's collarbone as the Deliverer weakly huffed. He began to speak hoarsely, voice muffled into the crevice he was hiding in. “In that dream, I saw that executioner kill everyone. At first… it was my friends and family back at my hometown. Then it was all the citizens here in Okhema and the other Chrysos Heirs. I tried to stop them b-but before I knew it, I-” 

Phainon abruptly broke off with a strangled noise, figure trembling as if the rest of that false memory was too overwhelming to recount. Mydei grounded him back to the present by using his thumb and middle finger to massage the back of his neck, comforting him while also presenting an opportunity to bail out if it was too much. 

But instead of taking that out, he tried again, this time rasping “I was the one who was slaughtering them. I couldn't even feel any sense of remorse as I cleaved through them with my sword. And you- I stabbed you in the back, and instead of getting up like you always do, you… never got up. I-It felt so real seeing you lying there on the ground but how?”

“It doesn't make any sense… How could I ever do that to you? And not only to you, but everyone…” Phainon was full on rambling now, nearly hysterical from the horrific vision he was describing. But Mydei didn't attempt to cut him off or dissuade his tirade, for the ringing in his ears was all he could hear now as he blankly stared at the wall ahead of him.

‘I stabbed you in the back.’

Those words floated through the brittle air and lingered there, a sense of dread now hanging above their heads. Over and over again that statement repeated, echoing like a haunting presence droning on within Mydei's mind. He couldn't react to his fatal weakness being spoken outloud -not when the man in his arms was already so distressed- but to hear Phainon unknowingly reveal it…

It felt more like a premonition rather than a ridiculous notion.

“How absurd.”

While still holding on to Mydei, Phainon pulled back just enough to watch the Kremnoan forcibly swallow down his unease with a tepid laugh “You? Turn your blade against the people you so heroically defend? I’ve heard more believable lies spewed from the mouths of those accursed Verax Leos” 

For the sake of the person he adored, Mydei decided to put up a front. A show of an untouchable man who had nothing in this world to fear.

He waved off Phainon's words with an arrogant smirk, as if he hadn't just received a possible death sentence “Besides, am I not the Undying Mydeimos? My immortality would not allow me to fall to such an underhanded tactic.”

It was a lie, a cruel one at that. Mydei was luring Phainon into a false sense of security that could absolutely be taken out from under him at any given second.

However, despite Mydei's best effort to make his bravado seem natural, Phainon simply continued to stare up at him, lips slightly parted before those red rimmed eyes wandered away.

“Yeah… you’re right. None of that would ever happen…” Beneath his quivering voice laid a touch of disbelief. Like he too was trying to convince himself that was the truth. 

Phainon knew Mydei too well. If Hyacine could so easily see through his deception no less than a few hours ago, then the Deliverer surely could too. Especially when Mydei was internally wrestling to keep his feelings hidden beneath the surface of his actions. If it wasn’t for the fever probably frying his brain, Mydei was sure Phainon would’ve pressed and prodded for more information until he eventually uncovered the reality of his partner's faulty immortality. 

In a fluid movement, Mydei’s hands glided along that fiery skin upwards until they cupped Phainon's face, bringing the Deliverer's attention back to him. Once again he met Phainon’s forlorn gaze and fervently urged "No one is dying anytime soon, alright? So there’s no need to be scared.”

Mydei held himself with a certainty that left no room for teetering. Therefore, there were no questions or protests.

“...Ok”

After that, the Deliverer remained oddly mute while he turned his face away from Mydei again. As the Kremnoan pulled him back into their previous embrace, Phainon's fingers anxiously crawled up the center of Mydei’s back along his spine. Once he was safely nestled into his original place, the feeling of burning tears began to dribble down Mydei's bare chest as Phainon began to break down with a feeble mewl. Gradually, his already crumbling composure completely came undone as he stifled his gut-wrenching cries into Mydei's shoulder.

It was a silent plea of desperation. Phainon desperately wanted, needed, Mydei’s words to be true.

If the pain from before was nearly unbearable, the guilt muddling Mydei’s conscience now felt as though it was about to bury him on the spot. He swore to himself then and there he'd tell Phainon the truth behind his weak spot one day. But that time was not now. Not when he was nowhere near a good mindset to hear it. 

While Mydei's throat twisted painfully, almost making it hard to breathe, he pressed his lips into the crown of Phainon's head. “It's ok. We’re ok.”

He continued repeating it like a reverent chant in between tender kisses on his lover's head, cheeks, and temples. He wasn't sure if it was doing much to help the other man, but after what seemed like an eternity later, Phainon began to quiet down with only a few sniffles every so often. When his back rose and fell at a steadier pace, the heaviness in Mydei's heart began to lighten as well.

Eventually Phainon's body grew pliant, basically slumping over Mydei’s at that point. Clearly exhausted from crying his eyes out while still being terribly sick, Mydei took the initiative to let him rest at last. The Prince shifted his hold around Phainon, attempting to lower the Deliverer back into the bed. But the moment he moved, Phainon immediately protested by latching harder onto Mydei's arms.

“Don’t go.” He pleaded near Mydei's ear. Although he couldn't see Phainon's face at this angle, Mydei could imagine those azure eyes wide and begging with him like a puppy.

Isn't this the guy who wanted to kick me out a few minutes ago?

It all made Mydei softly chuckle. “I won't be far. You need to sleep, Deliverer.”

“Mydei.” Phainon whined, and from that Mydei knew wasn't going to win.

“Fine, we'll do it your way. I'm not going anywhere so don't cry anymore.”

This probably wasn't the best idea considering Phainon's health but Mydei wasn't going to try and reason with someone who simply didn't want to be alone. He'd have to tell the Deliverer not to mention this to Hyacine later.

Without any more talk, Mydei let Phainon drag them down together into the mattress below. The Deliverer wordlessly commanded Mydei to drape himself over the other's body with a tug.

As soon as Phainon's head hit the pillow he was out like a light, dozing off with a tiny snores. Mydei watched him then, making sure he wasn't going to fall into another fit full dream. But Phainon's agitated expression was gone, facial features now smoothed out in his peaceful slumber. The only evidence that remained of his previous crisis was his tear stained cheeks (which Mydei rubbed his thumb against to erase off his lover's pretty face).

Finally, Mydei shut his eyes too, waiting for sleep to overtake him. But just before he drifted off, the scene Phainon described from his dream played out in Mydei's mind.

He'd be unexpectedly wretched forward off his feet as an immense feeling of numb pressure pierced through his back and out his front, golden blood splattering onto the ground. Though Mydei's vision would begin to darken and blur, he'd just barely recognize the ichor coated broadsword sticking out his chest as one he innately knows well. 

What face would Phainon be wearing behind Mydei then? The mere thought of him purposefully ending Mydei seemed so impossible, but the Kremnoan couldn't help but wonder what would push Phainon to do an act he'd so deeply scorn himself for. 

But besides his wish for Phainon to never carry that kind of guilt for the rest of his life, Mydei found himself strangely content at the thought of it ever happening. How fitting would it have been to give his life to the only person he ever saw as an equal in this world.

A defeated soul, not submitted to Thanatos, but to the man who he yearned to always walk alongside even to their tragic end.

You may have every part of me, Phainon. Even my own life.

Chapter Text

By the time Mydei wakes up, it's not to the usual alarm he never fails to set on his teleslate. Even when he'd spend the night with Phainon, he'd rarely lose track of his normal day-to-day routine, starting with his morning training scheduled before the crack of dawn. Today however, is one of the few days he's pulled from the realm of sleep by the touch of someone else.

Yet it's not a sensual or mischievous caress Mydei feels then (most times when this happened, it was more or less Phainon trying to initiate some quick morning sex, spurred on by how he found Mydei's resting face attractive for some odd reason). No, today, Mydei is woken up to a certain someone ghosting a finger over his lips.

It's a rough sensation, a calloused fingertip tracing along the line where both top and bottom lip meet. It starts in the middle at first, lingering there for a few seconds before gently swiping across the steep curves and dipping into the corner of his mouth. Then it lifts and restarts the process, now taking the time to map the opposite side. A curious touch, fleeting as it is purely focused on memorizing the sight and feeling of something so irrelevant as a pair of lips.

Mydei doesn't bother with finding out who the culprit is.

“Having fun there?" He murmurs into that finger, voice husky and wrought with drowsiness while his eyes remain closed.

The man who so rudely awoken him pauses mid movement, as if he's just been caught in the midst of committing a crime. But instead of feigning ignorance, pleading his innocence, or hastily apologizing, he has the audacity to laugh.

A sweet and infectious giggle that resonates so fiercely within Mydei, that he almost caves in and tries to sneak a peek at what kind of expression Phainon is making. Surely those patterned blue eyes, vast as they were mysterious, would be crinkled and twinkling with amusement, entertained by Mydei's apparent annoyance. He'd definitely be grinning ruefully then, as if this tiny and insignificant moment was truly the happiest he'd ever been.

Even if this was an image conjured up by Mydei's imagination, he was confident this was the face resting directly in front of him.

This is how I'd always want to remember you.

"Well this handsome face of yours is pretty irresistible. How could I not just reach out and touch when it's right there in front of me?”

Even with his eyes tightly closed, Mydei still rolls them as he grumbles “Flattery will only get you so far HKS.”

At that, Mydei finally deigned to look upon Phainon, lazily cracking open his eyelids just far enough to see if the picture he envisioned was correct.

The room was filled with pitch black darkness, curtains most likely still drawn together like they were a few hours before. Even the oil lamp that had illuminated the space with its dim flame, seemingly burnt out sometime during the night (Mydei had irresponsibly left it on and was thankful it didn't end up burning the place down).

Yet, despite the lack of visibility, it wasn't difficult to make out the shape of Phainon staring intently at him, face half submerged in the pillow under his head. It's nearly a one-to-one recreation of the image in Mydei's imagination, only now Phainon looks much more fatigued with noticeable bags under his sluggish eyes.

“Good morning sleepyhead” Phainon coos affectionately, the thumb that he was using on Mydei's mouth now shifting upwards to rub the red line under the Kremnoan's right eyelid.

Rather than repeating the same line, Mydei simply returns the sentiment with a small hum, shutting his eyes and shielding himself from the blinding sight of his lover.

Though he sounds more gravelly than he normal does, it's reassuring knowing that Phainon's here intertwined with Mydei’s limbs. Heated breath fanning his clavicle, and that naughty thumb raised a bit higher to softly brush his blonde eyelashes, leaving behind brief tingles in its wake.

It's all so cozy and satiating, that Mydei almost dozes off again as he basks in the mellowness of that place in time.

But he's also aware he has important things to do, and lounging around in bed with Phainon did not fall under his job description (sadly).

He battles with himself to stay awake as he asks, “How are you feeling?”

There's a pause while Phainon thinks to himself, undoubtedly contemplating what was the right answer to give. “Better-”

Mydei's eyes snap open with much more alertness than before. He raises an unimpressed brow in Phainon’s direction and gives the other one more chance to retract his obviously false statement.

And to that Phainon grimaces, pulling his hand away to cover his mouth with the back of it as he coughs out, “I’ve of course had better days in the past, but I definitely don't feel as awful as I did last night.”

Though the correct color has indeed returned to his complexion and he appears to sound sincere, Mydei knows better than to immediately take Phainon's words at face value.

"Guess I'll just have to check it for myself." He mutters with a sigh before rolling over and effectively pinning Phainon's body between Mydei's and the stiff mattress.

Though Phainon startles and sputters an unintelligible noise from his throat at first, he doesn't make much of a real effort to resist the sudden change in positions. With them now laying chest to chest, Mydei holds Phainon's head in place as he rests his own forehead against the Deliverer's, testing the climate of his skin.

To Phainon's credit, it does feel like he was telling the truth. While definitely still hotter than what would be considered healthy, his temperature seems to have cooled down significantly compared to what it was a few hours ago.

"Well? What's the prognosis? I'm not lying, aren't I?" The corners of Phainon's mouth twitch upwards smugly, seemingly certain he's won this round. Yet that glint in his eyes still challenge Mydei to deny it, obviously yearning to instigate some sort of witty exchange. It'd be utterly irritating if Mydei wasn't so relieved about Phainon's improvement.

However, it's not like he's completely forgotten how they ended up here in the first place.

Mydei moves his head back slightly but still chooses to crowd Phainon’s personal space by hovering a few inches from that charismatic face.

He pushes a bit, testing the waters as he sarcastically quips, "I'm impressed Deliverer. I would've never guessed you'd actually be capable of being honest considering your reputation."

Now it's Phainon's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh please, I'm not that terrible."

"Says the man who almost let himself die from a measly cold because he was too stupid to ask for a little help."

"You're over exaggerating."

"And you're skirting around the subject."

With his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, Phainon prepares to hurl another jab when he abruptly pauses, leaving his mouth hanging wide open. He slowly shuts it to gnaw anxiously on the inside of his cheek, appearing to take a second to carefully reconsider his words. His expression had withered rapidly, now twinged with a muted ache that looked horrible on his usually cheery visage.

"…Do we really need to talk about this right now?" He implores exasperatedly under his breath, gaze averted aside and more importantly away from Mydei's burning stare above.

Mydei can't help but feel weak then, not able to resist Phainon's honest plea to save this inevitable lecture for later. With a huff, he reassures the Deliverer by combing his messy white bangs out his vision.

Mydei relents, "No, but I hope you're aware that you're definitely not off the hook."

Phainon pouts in the exact same way he did the day prior, that familiar and playful gleam returning to his shimmering blue pupils. "You're mean Mydei. Can't you see how sick I am? You can't pick on someone who's already one foot deep in the River of Souls."

And I'm the one over exaggerating here?

It was such a dumb complaint considering Mydei was the one between them half dead most of the time, yet that'd never deterred Phainon from bothering him in the past. If it was truly such a sin, Phainon should've been the one punished for his own transgressions.

That thought alone sparks an idea within Mydei's mind and a second later, he hatches a plan as a menacing smirk begins to crawl up his face. The devious expression Mydei was making could only mean one thing; he was about to wreak some serious havoc on his ignorant victim and said victim's pupils widen in fear, already presuming something bad was about to happen.

Before he could run, Mydei grabbed Phainon's shoulder and trapped him to the spot. His golden eyes were now engulfed with a fiery zeal that no one could put out.

"It would be pretty cruel of me to pick on a dying man, right?" Already prowling forward, Mydei presses their foreheads together again, only this time their noses touch as well. "Unfortunately for you, I'm pretty sure you're far from death's door."

In a seemingly unprovoked attack, Mydei finally pounced and smashed their mouths together into a flurry of fervent kisses.

The barrage is messy and uncoordinated, Mydei often missing and hitting Phainon's nose and chin instead. Yet the Deliverer still chortles in delight between those unforgiving pecks, head squirming and tilting upwards in an intentionally weak attempt to break free.

“You'll get sick Mydei!” He half protests against his assailants lips, yet his hands shamelessly rush to Mydei’s sides in an honest act of desire.

Eagerly, those hands work in sync to graze up and down Mydei's ripped torso, particularly devoted to fondling the other's pectorals until eventually settling on heading downwards to squeeze Mydei's waist.

"That wasn't a problem yesterday.” Mydei counters when he pauses to grab Phainon's jaw, forcing it to stay in place before resuming his task with more brisk and teasing kisses.

"That was-" Phainon cuts himself off and hisses through his teeth as Mydei nips at his bottom lip. But before he can retaliate by biting back, Mydei quickly retreats and puts himself just out of reach of Phainon's wrath. He tries to speak again, this time racing to get his words out as if they were about to disintegrate into nothing. "That was different..."

Even with his head propped into place by Mydei's hand, Phainon still tries to surge up in futile attempts to latch onto the other’s lips. If he had used his full strength to try and overpower the man on top of him, then perhaps this would've been a better evened match of push and pull. However, this improvised competition wasn't a test of physical strength, but rather mental fortitude.

Who could hold out the longest without succumbing to their hunger for more?

If Phainon let go of his restraint, flipped them over, and took all Mydei had for his own, the Deliverer would've immediately lost. His desire to be the winner was the sole thing holding him back, while simultaneously driving him mad.

Yet Phainon was also starting to unravel at the seams as he begun to writhe beneath Mydei. His grip around his lover's defined waist growing more and more tight as he struggled to subdue his sheer desperation.

"Y-You're such an a-asshole," He whimpered pathetically, cheeks completely flushed as he shot daggers through his teary eyes.

"You accused me of being harsh first," Mydei uses his hold to twist Phainon's head to the side, dipping into the sun mark on his lover's neck. "but don't misunderstand, Deliverer."

"I can be quite sympathetic when I choose to be," Mydei takes his time peppering more kisses up the length of Phainon's bared throat, until his lips reach their true destination. His teeth barely nibble on the other’s earlobe before releasing to skim the shell of Phainon's ear as he whispers into it, "or when my opponent kneels before me begging for mercy."

"So, how about it? Submit to me, and I'll show you how kind I can truly be."

Unbeknownst to Phainon, this competition was rigged from the very start. Mydei already knew what the outcome would be from the moment he initiated it.

Because his beloved Deliverer was a helpless man when it came to his carnal desires (which just so happened to include Mydei himself).

Just as anticipated, Phainon's resolve crumbles instantly as he shudders and groans, "F-Fine. You w-win Mydei."

And with that admittance of defeat, Mydei jostles the man's head back around and cleanly connects their lips, finally granting Phainon all that he wanted.

The Deliverer is more than ecstatic, moaning through his relieved tension as they work into each other's mouths languidly. Phainon's fingers thread into Mydei's slightly tousled mane, almost pulling as they brush through the knots formed from a night of sleep.

Mydei himself finds himself also easing into it, chasing after Phainon's lips with equal fervor as he loses himself to the smooth motions and electrifying sensations.

Rather than the touch and go like before, now they take their time in savoring the taste of each other (which wasn't exactly a pleasant taste considering they'd both just woken up).

Yet, this lazy way of kissing, the muffled noises emitting from both their throats, and the entirety of this moment was without a doubt theirs and theirs alone. It's that musing that makes Mydei's heart swell and metaphorically burst into a million pieces, the emotions caused by this pesky yet earnest man being as exhilarating as always.

But the spell is broken once Phainon's free hand sneaks lower and lower until it rests on the arch of Mydei's ass, blatantly seeking to escalate things to the next step.

And it's on that cue when Mydei peels his lips away to abruptly lift himself off of Phainon's body. "-That's all you're getting for now."

Phainon makes a sound akin to a whine as he props himself half up onto his elbows, watching Mydei sit up and drag his legs over the side of the bed.

"Wha- get back here! We're in the middle of something!" He calls even though they're still within the same breathing space.

Mydei chooses to ignore that despairing squawk and instead stands up to leisurely stretch out his arms. "Didn't you just say you're dying? I wouldn't dare to do it with someone who could keel over in the middle of it."

"Yet you'd still make out with them?"

"In your words, 'that was different'." He glances over and shoots a crooked smile at Phainon's unamused face before taking his time to stroll across the room, Phainon's gaze never straying from him. "We still have other things to do like getting food and I'm sure you'd at the very least appreciate a bath."

A few steps later and Mydei reaches the balcony to jerk the curtains open without much of a warning. The blocked sunlight pours into the room and Phainon grunts in indignation, blocking the rays from his vision.

Belatedly he concedes with a defeated sigh, "A bath does sound pretty nice right now… but how about if we had one toget-"

"Don't even think about it. It's not happening and that's final."

"Buzzkill" He grumbles before flopping back into the sheets like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Spare me the theatrics." Mydei plucks a random hair tie off Phainon's abandoned desk (one that he most definitely left there at some point) and reigns his hair into a haphazard ponytail. He turns his attention back to his annoyed partner with a hand on his hip "And for the record, I'm glad to see you're doing so much better."

-

Phainon is admittedly slow to get out of bed after Mydei takes a short while to freshen himself up. Amid several extra complaints and more trivial bickering, he eventually gives up on doing this the easy way and yanks Phainon up by the wrist.

But the moment he does, Phainon lunches forward unnaturally as if he suddenly became disoriented. He falls forward and instinctively clutches onto his head with a single hand, eerily similar to how he did the night before.

Mydei ceases at once, releasing Phainon and quickly asking, "Are you-?"

"Yeah… yeah I'm good. Sorry, the world just decided to spin a little there haha…" He tries to lighten the grave mood by throwing in a small chuckle, but it ends up missing the mark with how shaky it sounds.

A pang of guilt makes its way through Mydei's chest as he comes to the realization that he had been too careless, carried away with thinking Phainon had already recovered for the most part by the way he was acting. But it was clear now he was still undergoing the effects of his fever and needed more time fully recuperate before he was back to his typical, upbeat self.

Mydei winces as he deliberates over how to re-approach this. "The medicine Hyacine gave you has probably worn off by now. Let's get you to the bath and I'll give you a new dose."

This time, Mydei leans over the mattress and offers support with a careful hand stroking the center of Phainon's upper back, giving the sick man a moment to recompose himself. And only once Phainon is ready does Mydei gingerly help him sit up while making sure he doesn't fall over again. When that goes relatively smoothly, Phainon tries to slip out of the bed on his own, but Mydei immediately bars him in with an arm.

"Lean on me." He orders as he wraps around Phainon and loops under his armpit. Without anymore delay, Mydei hoists the man up onto his feet as delicately as he possibly could.

Phainon says nothing as this goes on, merely giving Mydei a bewildered look as he lets himself be deliberately guided to the bath.

Mydei keeps him secure, not letting go until they finally reach the edge of the tile basin. From there, he lets Phainon stand on his own for a second to kneel down and test the water, while also giving the Delieverer the space to strip his loin pants. Luckily, Mydei's saved from the headache of trying to adjust the temperature as it was not too hot or cold for his ailing partner.

He does one more check to make sure everything they'll need is within easy reach and correctly placed on the side table before turning back to a now naked Phainon and grabbing his hand to lead him into the lukewarm bath.

Mydei doesn't give Phainon the room to rush it, forcing him descend the marble steps patiently so he doesn't accidentally slip and split his skull open. He keeps hold of that warm hand until Phainon's already half submerged and comfortably seated at the bottom.

Once that task is done, he walks away for a bit, returning to the desk and picking up the tiny bag of medicine Hyacine left behind for Phainon. He fiddles with it for a bit, picking out the correct number of pills she instructed and placing them aside before pouring some fresh water from a pitcher into one Phainon's many antique clay cups.

He returns to the other's side while bending down to offer the drink and pills.

And yet again there's that weird expression on Phainon’s face, almost as if he's unsure about what's going on before he hesitantly takes the items, downs both the medicine and liquid in one swig, and returns the cup to Mydei.

Instead of making the effort to put it back in its original spot, Mydei simply sets it down next to him as he sits on the edge of the bath next to Phainon. He doesn't find the need to speak then as he silently reaches over to grab a vial of fragrant hair oil from the table and pours a small amount into his palm, rubbing it in between his fingers before lathering it into Phainon's greasy hair.

The Delieverer stiffens at first, caught of guard from the unsolicited contact until he gradually relaxes into Mydei's soothing hand with a soft exhale. But even with the serene atmosphere, Phainon is still subtly watching Mydei from the corner of his eye.

"What's with the staring?" Mydei eventually questions when he can't stand it anymore.

Phainon's shoulders jump, surprised by being called out so bluntly before turning his head slightly to get a clearer view of Mydei.

"Nothing it's just… kind of weird to be pampered by you like this." He says reluctantly, almost sounding a bit embarrassed by who knows what.

"There is no word for 'pampering' in the Kremnoan language." Mydei retorts as per usual.

"Is that so? What would you call what you're doing right now then?"

Mydei's deft fingers pause as he tries to put together a decent enough answer in his mind.

"…Me making sure you don't die?"

"Geez, it sounds so romantic when you put it that way." Phainon jeers before flicking some water at Mydei's grumpy face. Eventually he settles down and faces forward, quietly speaking with a note of sincerity that Mydei couldn't easily brush off. "Either way, I truly appreciate that you're here, Mydeimos."

And now Mydei is the one who feels embarrassed, taken aback by Phainon's ability to leave him utterly speechless at the most random of times.

His ears feel like they're on fire as he practically chokes out, "It's not a big deal."

"It is!" Phainon whips around to face Mydei once more, looking deathly serious as he reemphasizes, "It is to me. I'm sure you were upset when you found out what happened, but you're still here. You didn't dismiss me like I was a lost cause."

From the moment they met, Phainon had always placed Mydei on an invisible pedestal. Even back when they first 'dueled' for the Kremnoan's rights in Okhema, there was a distinct level of amazement that reflected through the tone of Phainon's speech and actions around Mydei. That only became magnified once their weapons truly clashed against each other, those 10 days that changed the trajectory of their lives forever. After that, the Delieverer did not hide the fact that he looked up to Mydei, not as a leader like his people did, but rather as an esteemed warrior who Phainon held in high regard.

Over time, those feelings translated into something more profound for the both of them, but there were still sparse instances like these where Mydei was given way too much praise than he could ever deserve.

"I wouldn't have been able to look past my anger towards you on my own. There was someone else who made me see reason." He explains as transparently as he possibly could. For Castorice's sake and the promise he made to her, Mydei purposefully omits her name.

That piques Phainon's interest, eyes big and curious. "Oh? What did they say?"

Mydei's gaze drifts towards the ceiling as he distantly recalls the exact words exchanged during that tense conversation. However, despite his spotty memory, the impression Castorice's message left on him was still remained seared into the confines within Mydei's mind.

"They said I needed to stop and focus on what was important. And the thing that was important then, was how you needed me to be here."

Phainon snorts as he turns his head back around. "Wish I could've seen that. Someone besides me who was brave enough to stick it the proud Mydeimos. Although, it seems like this person must know me pretty well too."

Much more than you'll ever know.

"Perhaps." Is all Mydei's willing to give.

Weirdly enough, Phainon doesn't pry anymore than that (maybe he'd already identified the person in question). Instead he backtracks, bringing the previous topic they were discussing to the forefront once again.

He automatically lowers his head apologetically even though they're not face to face anymore. "I'm sorry for everything Mydei. For our fight yesterday, and for lying to you."

Mydei can tell Phainon really means it. Not simply because he's verbally apologizing, but more so because every one of his actions from both today and last night spell out his remorse. Its why Mydei now comes to his partner while attempting to understand rather than simply being resentful.

"I know you must've had your reasons." It's an extended olive branch, an opening for Phainon to decisively explain everything without feeling like he'll be judged for it.

And he gratefully accepts it with a drawn out breath before taking the plunge. "Yeah I… I thought I was doing what was best for everyone, but I ended up just making more problems."

"What do you mean?"

"Honestly, the situation I told you about before was much more complicated than I led it on to be" Inside the bath, Phainon pensively swishes the bath water around with his arms as he starts to recount the events that transpired. "Elder Caenis accused the Chrysos Heirs- or more specifically Aglaea, of plotting a hostile takeover the Grove. It was a completely ludicrous claim, especially since there was no real motive or proof to back up anything she said. But things still got out of hand fast, and even the citizens here started to believe we were just a group of power-hungry monsters."

"To think everything devolved so quickly." Mydei murmured, regretful he wasn't there to help his companions.

"When the Council is set on spinning a narrative, there's no limit to the lengths they'll go in order to weave those lies into reality. You've seen it as well."

It was true. Not only had Mydei witnessed it when Caenis and the Council constantly went after the Chrysos Heirs, but also when he and his own people experienced it for themselves. The stigma around the Kremnoan's was fostered by centuries of bad blood and rumors, a history which the Council saw no problem with digging up to reinforce their heinous agenda. And while Mydei outright despised them for their slandering, his kin seemed to hold an even heavier grudge towards the Okhemans for their defamation specifically against Mydei. All of that had inadvertently created a huge derision between the two groups which made Mydei's hope for peaceful relations twice as unlikely.

Merely remembering their atrocities made his skin crawl.

"I am, unfortunately, familiar with their cowardly schemes. Those pathetic snakes can only spew their poison while lurking in the shadows, and once the masses catch wind of their lies, it spreads like wildfire. Just nearly as impossible to put out." He sneered spitefully.

"Exactly. That's why I urged we needed act fast to before our public image was unsalvageable."

Based off their extensive history together and being well acquainted with Phainon's many antics, Mydei could already foresee where this story was heading.

"You ended up doing something rash again, didn't you?" He blandly surmised.

"I did what I thought was the correct course of action." Phainon ascertains in an attempt to justify himself. Even though Mydei couldn’t see his face, he could hear the frustration in the Deliverer's strained voice. "As a show of good faith, I volunteered to escort the Council members to the Grove, so that we could all talk face to face and clear up any misunderstandings."

There was no need to tell him how dumb that idea was, Phainon himself appeared to realize that now even if it was too late.

"And I'm guessing that's when things got really bad?" Having gotten caught up in Phainon’s story, Mydei resumes his original task by grabbing a rinse scoop from side table, dipping it into the bath, and begins to wash the oil out that platinum white hair while ensuring none of it fell into Phainon's eyes.

"Of course." Phainon started to ramble on, not paying much attention to what he was saying. "Those old farts did everything they could to make the journey as long and insufferable as possible. Not only that, but even though they brought their own guards none of them wanted to do watch shifts during the nights with me so I-"

"They made you keep watch for titankin the whole time?"

It all reaches a staggering halt when that awful truth is accidentally revealed . It's so sudden, that he can't even stifle his anger from now understanding what those wretches put Phainon through for days. And that rage seemed to instantaneously cloud the air around them, both men sinking into a heavy silence after Mydei's outburst, with the only audible sound being the droplets from Phainon’s locks running down and dripping into to the larger body of water below.

"Yeah…" Is all Phainon can cautiously say once he builds up the resolve talk again.

And just like that, Mydei drops what he was previously doing to touch Phainon's shoulder, grabbing his attention so that their gazes could meet.

"Did you get to sleep at all?" He carefully pries, his tone dialed down and features scrunched with grievous concern for the person he held dear.

"Not really?" Phainon admits while he shakes his head, as if it was something he couldn't really help. "I got to rest a little once we reached our destination but I also had a job to do Mydei. I couldn't slack off while I needed to clear all our names."

"Taking the time to sleep when you haven't in days is not slacking off." Mydei bites back while feeling genuinely appalled.

"I know, I know…" Phainon gives a defeated huff as he shrugs Mydei's hand away from his shoulder, again closing himself off from the other as he tightly embraces himself. "You don't need to tell me. The way this all turned out has already made me feel so stupid."

"I thought you said you managed to clear up everything?"

"I did. By the time I left I managed to restore the relationship between the Chrysos Heirs and the Seven Sages. However…"

"You had already worn yourself thin by that point."

Once Mydei puts the pieces together and voices his assumption, Phainon is forced to affirm it with his own mouth. "I started to feel unwell before we even made the trip back to Okhema, but it wasn't like it was completely unbearable then."

"Phainon…"

"I was just trying to do the right thing for all our sakes. Yet, it seems like all my efforts mean nothing now. I tried to make things easier for Aglaea and the others, but in the process, I ended up becoming an even bigger burden to all of you." It's a bitter admission, so poignant that Phainon hunches over and hugs his knees to his chest as if he was trying to ease the pain of his internal discontentment. "You were right all along, Mydei. If I had just slowed down for once and not acted like an idiot, you wouldn't be stuck here right now."

And while it isn't easy for Mydei to finally hear the entire story, it's not because he's disappointed like Phainon assumes. Rather, the reason for this gutted feeling is because within Phainon's lamenting lies an intense amount of shame aimed at no one but himself.

Mydei remembered the information Castorice relayed to him when she first asked him to help Phainon.

"She believes it was an illness brought on by overwork and stress."

Yes, this past week would probably extremely draining for anyone, but perhaps there was always an insurmountable weight on Phainon's shoulders. The haunting memories of his past, his hatred toward the forces that destroyed his homeland, and the self placed expectations he'd always dictated himself to carry. It was like a complex balancing game, one that he would make himself play even when the risk of toppling over was unavoidable.

To bear it alone was simply unfeasible, but even so, he continued to blame himself for not being perfect enough to achieve the impossible.

However, Phainon did not carry the capabilities of the divine. That's why he needed to hear he was not a failure for being human.

Without trying to spook him off, Mydei discreetly extends his arm and grazes his bare knuckles against Phainon's cheek bone. Though he pulled away from Mydei a short while ago, this time he allows tentative touch to resume.

"Do not demean yourself or your efforts. You did what you could despite the lack of support and resources available." He adamantly asserts, trying to absolve Phainon of his unnecessary guilt.

But he didn't budge, easily disregarding that feat with a scoff like it was entirely worthless considering the end result. "And look at how far that got me."

Mydei taps his finger on Phainon’s damp skin, successfully grabbing his attention as his tired eyes begrudgingly peek up at Mydei.

"You completed your goal, didn't you?"

"Well technically yeah, but-"

"But nothing else." Mydei's hand shifts to cup the side of his face lovingly. "You failed no one, Delieverer. Do we all wish you had just told us the truth from the moment you set foot back in Okhema? Definitely. But that's a separate matter. It doesn't mean we think you're a burden or a thorn in our side."

This time, Phainon pivots his face to meet Mydei's head on, mouth down turned in a conflicted manner. It was like he wasn't convinced that Mydei was telling him was the truth. For a gut-wrenching moment, Mydei's not sure he'll be able to reach the man in front of him, if what he says will have any real impact.

Yet, Mydei knew he was the only one who had any hope of getting through.

Because the Kremnoan had seen it. The way Phainon paraded around as the hero everyone needed, even when he himself felt like he was far from it. The countless hours of training to be stronger and the many restless nights of questioning his self worth.

How could he make Phainon see it?

How can I convey that you're already more than enough?

In spite of the doubt creeping in, Mydei refuses give up on the one person who was his true equal in this world. With not much else left to lose, he decides to throw everything out into the open, even digging out his own bleeding heart.

"I know you tried your best so please, don't beat yourself up for something we can't change now." He speaks so lowly even his throat begins to sting (and maybe the unfiltered despondency floating to the surface also contributes to that ache). It feels wrong to basically be pleading like this, but he continues anyways certain that it's necessary. "Just promise me something. You'll admit when you've reached your limit from now on and if you aren't able to do that with me, then to someone- anyone will do. I just…"

I don't want this to happen to you again.

That raw emotion is what seems to shake Phainon as his pursed lips tremble terribly, nearly on the verge of faltering. Without any reservations, he agrees to Mydei's appeal with a vigorous nod "This will be that last time this happens. I wouldn't want to worry you or the others, nor bother Hyacine-"

"No"

"No?" Phainon's face contorts into a puzzled frown, not able to understand what he said wrong.

"Do it to take care of yourself, not for anyone else."

It was as simple as he could possibly make it, yet Phainon's confusion doesn't dissipate. He looks at Mydei at a loss, as if he couldn't comprehend what those words even meant.

And it's that implication which upsets Mydei the most during that conversation. The fact that Phainon doesn't know what it means to honestly care for himself.

"Just think about it, okay?" Mydei eventually reassures quietly out of pity, abruptly getting up to get Phainon a towel since they'd spent way too long conversing.

More so, The Deliverer also needed time to process everything they talked about, and even if he continued to struggle with understanding, Mydei was confident they could always work on it together.

-

"So I'm guessing you kicked out Hyacine last night?"

About an hour or two after their conversation, they now dined together on the balcony, both sitting side by side on the chiseled railing.

Earlier when Mydei was heating up some portions oatmeal for the two of them, Phainon had pleaded they go outside for some fresh air (since he apparently couldn't go less than a day feeling like he was cooped up). And while Mydei couldn't bring him all the way to their usual rooftop, he'd compromised with this safer option.

It was a pretty nice day, the scenic hills surrounding the holy city radiating in their full brilliance. Mydei of course had a loose arm around Phainon’s waist as a safety precaution, while his lover gleefully hummed a tune as he ate spoonfuls from the bowl in his lap.

They had nearly managed to get through their meal without any excessive prattling, but their tranquil sunbathing was soon disturbed by Phainon's insolent presumption.

Mydei scowls at Phainon as he rebukes, "I didn't kick her out. I just offered to take her place so she wouldn't get in trouble with your favorite Professor."

Phainon knows he's right, having to nod in agreement as he chews on a chopped piece of strawberry "I'd hate to hear about the disaster that would've been, especially since I missed my appointment with him as well. Who went to the Grove with her?"

"Krateros. He said he'd be willing to do it."

Truthfully, Mydei expected more push back from his mentor when he messaged him earlier, but Krateros was actually pretty compliant with the last minute request. Hyacine was always kind to every person she met, melting even the coldest of hearts with her bright personality. It appeared even that cranky old man couldn't turn a blind eye when she was in need of some assistance.

That notion was so ridiculous that Phainon himself half-joked, "I really made a mess out of things, didn't I?" as he slowly shook his head. Though it felt lighthearted, he still poked at the last bits of food in his bowl listlessly as his mind clearly wandered somewhere else.

Without asking, Mydei collects the dish from Phainon's lap and stacks it on top of his own before placing them collectively aside. "Most of it was out of your control."

"'Most of it'?" Phainon prods with an arched eyebrow, apparently not afraid anymore of delving into another discussion.

"What did I say about relying on the people around you? You don't need to take on everything by yourself." It was a puny reproach compared to the one Mydei had in mind when this whole situation started. However, their talk earlier gave Mydei a better perspective and it was clear Phainon was the the one most upset with himself about the entire thing. He really didn't need to hear more ridiculing on Mydei's part and if anything, it was more so just concern the Kremnoan was trying to voice.

Phainon seems to get that as well as he answers back honestly, "Would you kill me if I said I preferred to do things on my own?"

"It depends. Is it because you feel you work better that way or because you don't want to feel like a bother anyone else?"

With their faces exposed to the daylight while also being this close up and personal, there wasn't much room to hide anything under each other's guises. It's why Mydei can see the way those deep blue eyes slightly squint as if to internally consider a multitude of answers and outcomes. Eventually though, it appears he gives up on thinking all together as face relaxes and his shoulders slump with a groan.

"You're definitely going to kill me." Is the non-answer he comes up with (which is an answer in of itself) but afterwards he still meets Mydei's eyes with a deep sincerity that would make anyone believe in what he was saying. "I'll try to be better, Mydei."

While it doesn't completely quell the uneasiness in Mydei's heart, it's satisfying enough that he doesn't press Phainon any further and simply turns back to the cliff range in front of them.

But Phainon doesn't let the moment die down to how it was a few minutes ago, not aware of what he's about to do to himself as he thoughtfully rubs his chin.

"Well I guess it hasn't been a total loss. All things considered, you're not half bad for a bedside nurse." He muses to himself out loud.

The silence that ensues is deathly as it is generous, giving Phainon the chance to retract what he just said or get far, far away. But when that doesn't happen, Mydei's venomous glare returns to his partner.

"…What did you just say?"

Sensing the looming danger, the Delieverer quickly waves his arms as a cease fire. "Whoa whoa I'm just saying it's nice having you be kind to me for once." An innocent statement by itself, but both of them knew it wouldn't be left at that. Phainon covers his face with his hands, bracing himself for what was about to happen "Or as kind as you can possibly be. You'll have to work on the manhandling in the future though."

The small bout of patience Mydei had snaps like a taut thread as he snatches the spoon from his empty bowl next to and begins to relentlessly smack Phainon with it.

"Piss off." He grunts as he attacks Phainon with the clay utensil.

Granted that they were both sitting on the edge of a very steep fall, this was probably a disaster waiting to happen. Especially when Phainon starts to wrestle for the weapon in Mydei's hand in an attempt to stop the harmless onslaught. As he tugs on Mydei's outstretched forearm, he bursts into innocent laughter.

"I'm being serious Mydei! I'm glad you were the person to take care of me." Phainon teases as he successfully manages to grab hold of the top of the spoon and extracts it out of Mydei's grasp. But before he can secure it, Mydei lightly bumps his hand and promptly sends it tumbling off the ledge towards the rocky landscape underneath them.

Both of them comically freeze as they watch it fly into the unknown, presumably never to be seen again as it hits the ground, bounces into the air, and lands in between some grassy stones escaping their sights.

They warily exchange glances, Phainon wearing an apologetic grin and Mydei's gaze narrowed like he's about to rip the Delieverer a new one. In the end though, Mydei pinches the bridge of his nose with the click of his tongue as decides to leave it be (after all, he was technically the person who started their little scuffle).

"You owe me big time for all of this" Is all he can wearily muster up before he stiffly crosses his arms and jerks away from the other man.

However, Phainon (in classic Phainon fashion) immediately chases after him, rushing to cling to Mydei around his muscular bicep and refusing to let go.

"How about that spar I promised you yesterday then?" He casually proposes as he rests his chin on Mydei's shoulder. "I'm feeling more up to it-"

"Not until you're completely recovered," Mydei replies, not even tempted to entertain the idea while he shoves Phainon's head in a poor attempt to pry him off. Unsurprisingly the Delieverer sulks and is definitely about to insist he's fine already when Mydei simply shuts him up with, "You wouldn't want me to have an unfair advantage would you?"

A made up excuse, but Mydei didn't feel like Phainon would take well to more nagging about his condition. Besides, Mydei felt like there was enough touchy and feely stuff for one day.

Thankfully Phainon falls for it with a sigh. "Fair enough. It's not like you would win if you had one anyways though."

"Cocky much?" Mydei snickers as he ultimately gives up on getting Phainon off of him with a weary 'hmph'.

From there on, they both taper off and slip into a comfortable silence, opting to simply enjoy each other's company after everything that transpired. However, though it appeared most of their problems were resolved for the moment, there was still one topic that Phainon was strategically avoiding to mention or acknowledge. That dromas in the room being the incident that occurred with Phainon's nightmare and subsequent break down.

It was very likely he wanted it to be forgotten, as if it would be wiped from both their memories if neither of them brought it up. Mydei could guess this avoidance wasn't because Phainon thought that crisis damaged his pride, but more so a deeply rooted fear. For Mydei had seen something, or rather, another side of Phainon he was never meant to witness. A vulnerable and haunted side that had been locked up in a box and buried alongside his fallen family and friends. It was something Mydei understood well, since he'd done the same many years ago.

Maybe that was why Mydei was fine with keeping it that way, to let what happened stay in the past for as long as it possibly could. Because he himself also said something to Phainon he wasn't proud of.

A lie is a lie after all, no matter how he could try to paint it in his head or pretend it was for the best. Yet, to see Phainon smiling and laughing now without the added weight of Mydei's weakness, was that lie not worth it? Even if he could protect this pure happiness for a little while longer, surely he would forever regret it if he didn't at least try to preserve it no matter the cost.

Well would you look at that, I'm starting to sound like you now.

Kindred spirits… yes, that description suited the two of them almost too well. Perhaps that was the main appeal between the two of them all along.

But after thinking about everything that happened that day and the one prior, he'd come to the conclusion that no matter the rhyme or reason, his heart was stuck with Phainon's probably for the rest of their (probably short) lives. If that was so, then maybe one day, before they diverged to separate paths on this treacherous journey, they both could learn to lean on each other. Not just to alleviate the weight of their responsibilities, but to also ease the burdens of their past or present fears and weaknesses.

If they had that for just a minuscule second, then it'd be enough.

"It's a given, Phainon."

"Hm? What is?" His attention returns to Mydei, looking bemused by the random words and the rare use of his name.

But he doesn't offer a real explanation, instead flashing his beloved a fond smile that reaches his eyes that sparkled like molten gold under the sunlight.

"Everything."