Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Natasha did not get much sleep last night. Shuri called the last night saying that Bucky was free of the Winter Solider program, and was himself again. Natasha had met Bucky after she was freed but was always forced to fight him as was he.

Steve, Natasha, and Sam walked off the Quin jet as they arrived in Wakanda. They were greeted by Shuri, T'challa, and the kings guard. T'challa and Steve shook hands and Nat hugged Shuri

"it was a long process but I'm happy to announce Bucky is free of the Winter Solider program" Shuri exclaimed as the two pulled away from the hug

"we are very grateful for all that you've done for him. Once we get him back to the compound he will lead a some what normal life" Steve replied.

"I owed a debt to you and your friend, I hope we can consider that debt paid" T'challa said
"and now I'm in yours".

As Steve and T'challa continued their conversation Natasha stared off into the distance, worrying about whether or not James would remember her. She longed for a lasting relationship she, saw something in Bruce but he really wasn't right for her. She wondered if Bucky was right for that type of relationship, they always had to keep their relationship a secret in the past. Only 2 people in this world know about their past relationship; Melina and Clint.

Clint was her best friend in the whole world, her platonic soulmate, she told him everything he was like a brother to her, the 2 had a special bond that's why he was the only person she told. Melina was a mother figure to Natasha, they were both victims of the red room. One day when her and James were making out in a weapons closet after a training session Melina was in that wing of the Red Room and heard them, she opened the door and walked in on them. Melina knew what is was like in the Red room so she told Natasha she would keep their secret. 4 months later they were caught they didn't see each other until a few years after that.

Every time she encountered James after that as the Winter Solider his eyes were cold and empty Natasha suspected James had been tortured, she wasn't, thanks to Melina. Melina was the head widow in the Red room all decisions about widows went through her. When her and Bucky were caught, Melina recommended against physical punishment towards Natalia as it would affect her ability to be a widow. However for Bucky the story was different because technically he belonged to Hydra, he had his mind wiped 3 times and was forced to fight other hydra subjects with his hands tied and she had to watch .

James called her Natalia her Russian name in the Red room, she wondered if when he saw her he would call her that, she didn't even know if he would remember her. She was still gazing off Clint brought her back, he whispered

"Nat come back to us, I know this is hard for you but pull yourself together he's walking toward you".

she put her palm to her temple as an attempt to pull herself together. He was now rapidly approaching her

"Hi, guys" he said awkwardly

she gave him a half smile and then followed clint into the cockpit Then he walks past them and gets on the jet.

Its about a 3 hour flight from Wakanda to the compound in New York courtesy of the Quin jets super sonic speed, Nat is piloting the jet with Clint as co-pilot as Steve and Sam were in the back catching up with Bucky about an hour and half into the flight Clint starts up a conversation

"Do you wanna talk about it"

"No" Natasha says without looking up

" Nat, I have know you long enough to know the first thing out of your mouth is not really what you want"

" I just don't understand, he barely acknowledged me " Natasha exclaims angrily (Bucky Sam and Steve cant hear them due to the soundproof Stark-tech curtain that separates the cockpit from the cabin)

"give it some time he just had had 75 years of mind control wiped from his brain, give it a day or 2 he'll remember you" Clint says as he squeezes her hand.

Chapter Text

Once they arrived at the compound its about 8pm Natasha goes to her room, turns on the tv and puts on one of her comfort shows: Modern family.

Natasha loves this show because it accustoms her to family chaos that she was never exposed to growing up in the Red room.

She watched hit until about 2am her scheduled time for her once a week call with Yelena. Yelena was currently in Nepal; which made scheduling calls difficult.

 She called Yelena and finally on the fourth ring she picked up.

"Natasha! So good to see you again!" Yelena exclaimed

" Hi my darling it's mama we miss you here. We're heading to Kazakhstan Tomorrow, we're meeting Antonina there with the rest of the widows".

"That's great Melina, where's Alexei?" Natasha asked.

"He's getting us Yomari, native Nepali cuisine" Melina answered.

" it's much better than that reindeer we had to eat on that mission" Yelena added.
Natasha made a gagging noise

" that was the worst thing I've ever eaten, even that raw shark was better".

Yelena and Melina laughed at her comment. As they continued to talk Natasha heard a crashing noise outside.

She looked up towards her door.

"Hey sorry to cut this call short but I got to go" she told them.

"Natasha don't you hang up this phone on your family, I will get on the jet, fly over there and put you in time ou-"

she hung up the phone she grabbed the pistol under her bed and walked over the to the door and stood beside it.

The handle jiggled, she cocked her gun ready for a possible intruder whom she might have to fight, the door slowly opened.

It was James.

"Natalia?

"James?"

James hugged her.

James broke from the hug his cold metal arm cupped on her cheek

"I thought I lost you".

Chapter Text

Once Bucky was free he was overjoyed at living a somewhat normal life after all this time. His hair was cut short like it was during the fight at the airport

"James, your friends are on their way, they should arrive within the hour" Shuri told him

" Thanks Shuri. I just wanted to let you know I'm so grateful for everything you and Ayo have done for me I am forever in your debt".

" No colonizer you are not, my brother did try and kill you after all, we have owed you a debt ".

Bucky chuckled " that debt has had paid much more than what have you done for me" Bucky replied.

" Come on now get up they're going to be here any minute now and you are not in your American clothes, get changed and meet me at the palace".While Bucky got dressed he finally realized he was gonna see Natalia again, she would be so different from when he had his time with her. For one she was not Natalia anymore,

she was Natasha,

she was not an assassin anymore,

she was an avenger.

He wondered if she still treasured those memories as he did. Once he arrived at the palace he greeted T'challa and the Kings Guard and patiently waited for Steve and the rest of the Avengers.

Once they arrived Bucky was scared on how Natasha would react to seeing the real him, he pushed it down and greeted Steve

"Hey Steve it's been a while",

"it's good to have you back buck"

Bucky smiled and they hugged, " how are you doing"? Steve asked

" I'm doing better" Bucky replied

"how's the team?" Bucky asked

"they're good, we're rebuilding but it's gone smoothly" Steve answered.

He greeted T'challa and they begin to have a discussion. Bucky watched as Nat hugged Shuri. Steve and T'challa continued talking Bucky was looking at Nat and hastily decided it would be best to ignore her for the time being.

They got on the jet and headed back to the compound, Bucky Sam and Steve talked in the jet but his mind wasn't really in the conversation he was thinking and worrying about Natalia and if they would be the same again. So bucky just smiled and nodded as Steve and Sam talked to him. Steve noticed but just played it off that bucky was nervous about being in a new environment and let it go.

Once they arrived at the compound Nat went straight to her room. Bucky began to worry about her and wondered where her mind was. Steve showed Bucky his new room, compete with a full size bed and a bathroom. Bucky began to tear up because this was the first time in a long time he had a home.

"Is everything alright buck" Steve asked

"yeah I just don't know if I deserve all of this" Bucky replied

"yes you do buck you 100% deserve this. I know your feeling guilty about what happened all those years and you need to understand that that wasn't you, you are a good man buck, and it's about time you understand that."

 "Man you really sound like a superhero with that speech" Bucky exclaimed and smiled at the floor .

They both chuckled.

"It's good to have you back buck"

he smiled and left.

Bucky was up all night tossing and turning debating on whether or not he should find Nat. At around 1:50 AM he decided he would go look for her room. He went on 3 floors he even walked in on vision and Wanda making out on her bed.

"GET OUT!" Wanda shouted and then used her telekinesis to slam the door in his face.

Once he got to the 4 floor her heard her voice, he felt comfort for the first time in a long time, he walked down the hallway and in his daze of excitement he knocked over a plant, he heard her say something again but he couldn't make out what she said. Then it went silent.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, he felt the feel of a cold material and found himself with a gun pointed at his temple. He looked at her and realized it was really her

"Natalia" he said with a quiver in his voice

"James" she cocked her head and asked with a face of confusion and relief in a whisper.

"I thought a lost you" he said as they hugged

Chapter Text

They hugged for a while recognizing that they were with each other again and they didn't have to worry about being punished.

Bucky teared up a little bit, Natasha was just in shock about what was going on.

After the initial shock she was happy that he remembered her, after hugging for a while they started making out. The hunger in his kiss told her everything: how deeply he had ached for her.”

His lips were warm and welcoming on her mouth his fingers were running through her wavy red hair.

She pulled him onto the bed by his shirt he took his shirt off and Natasha took hers off revealing that she was only wearing a black silk bra and red plaid pajama pants .

Natasha cherished that oh-so-familiar feeling of his metal arm on her body as they laid on the bed, Bucky's heavy clothed body over hers, his hands had now migrated to her hips, his fingers lingered on her exposed skin above her pants.

They continued to passionately kiss for a bit and almost got intimate but hesitated at the thought

" I thought about you everyday I was held captive wondering if you had got out and were living your life free. I would always tell myself I was gonna get out someday and come find you but once I was free I was nervous you wouldn't want to see me" Bucky confessed to her.

I did miss you, but I had to get out"

"I know. When I was fighting you on the bridge I really didn't want to do that but I couldn't stop myself" Bucky replied with a with a sad and ashamed tone.

"I thought you were dead, but when I saw you on the bridge you knew you were gonna try and kill me and I know you didn't want to". Natasha replied in the same manner .

He kissed her on her forehead "I love you" he said without shame or hesitation "I love you too" Natasha replied.

They laid down, she rested her head on his chest and they fell asleep. She woke Around 10:30 and looked at the clock her eyes widened " oh shit" she exclaimed.

" I was supposed be training with Wanda at 9"

She looked under her door way and saw a pair of red shoes she knew Wanda was fighting the urge to go in there and check on her so she told Wanda she would be right out and to meet her in training room 4 .

"James, James wake up". She tapped the side of his face

" wait what happened where's Natalia".

he woke up in a daze and was confused " I'm right here James I over slept I'm supposed to be training with Wanda she probably knows you're in here" she said in a whisper shout.

"Wait how? Did she come in here" he asked

"no she a telepath with terrible social skills remember" he replied with the same volume of voice

"No I did not know that" .

He stood up in just his plaid boxers.

" wait you took off your sleep shorts?"

Natasha asked her eyes on his shorts

" yeah I was hot its like 80 degrees in here"

"it's 65 and I have the fan on" she stated

"sorry I was frozen for like 20 years".

Natasha looked at him and chuckled They got dressed.

Natasha could see out of the corner of her eye that he was looking.

She felt loved and appreciated for the first time in a long time from a man.

She put up her hair in a single Dutch braid She got in her training outfit and practically and jumped down the stairs to the first floor.

She arrived and Wanda was waiting for her, she was wearing a new red training outfit that's more practical for fighting than her corset and jacket.

She was picking up heaving objects using her telekinesis while waiting for Nat. Natasha grabbed some weapons and started stretching once she stood up Wanda approached her.

"So how was your night with Bucky?" Wanda asked .

Nat's head whipped toward Wanda with a confused look on her face her braid following suit.

She figured Wanda might have known but was bewildered that Wanda was comfortable enough with their relationship to ask that.

"How did you know about that!? Natasha replied in a swift and stern manner.

"Bucky barged into my room while vision and I were sucking face"

Nat had a judgmental face on but remembered that Wanda was sensitive to those sorts of things and change her expression.

"Wanda never say that again.

"
"sorry Peter said that was a cool, Hip, American thing to say"

"He lied to you its not"

Wanda frowned

Nat helped Wanda with her hair and they began sparring.

Nat was fighting with a bit more force than she normally did considering Wanda's skill level and Wanda took note as she got off of the floor after Nat had knocked her on the ass.

"sorry I'm just a bit agitated, I kind of wanted to keep Bucky and I a secret"< br />

" well your secrets safe with me" Wanda responded.

"well and vision of course"

"please don't tell him" Nat pleaded

"no offense but he really doesn't have any social skills". Wanda rolled her eyes

"ok I won't tell him" she responded in a downward manner as she looked in the opposite direction.

They continued sparring for a little bit Nat teaching Wanda the little things on how to perfect her form and force.

"Ok Wanda so you see you're not chambering correctly for your roundhouse kick and make sure to put your full body force into your kick".

"Ok" Wanda replied eager to learn.

Steve wandered into the training room and watched them spar for a bit until Nat beat Wanda.

"Hey guys, have you seen bucky I  went to check on him and he wasn't in his room this morning any Idea where he might be?" Steve asked.

"How should I know" Nat replied.

Steve frowned.

"Okay, Okay sorry asked".

"Sorry Steve I wasn't trying to be rude I'm just a little tired I didn't sleep well last night. He probably started walking around the compound and got lost".

"Oh crap, you might be right I'm gonna go have clint look at the cameras and see if i can figure out where he went" Steve replied and walked out

Oh shit. 

the cameras

how could she be so stupid and forget.

She called out to Steve to try and save her ass< br />

" Steve he's a grown man I'm sure he doesn't want you coming to his rescue, let him explore the compound a bit let him get the feel of it" she lied swiftly

"Ok then I'm gonna go have a chat with Tony about making Bucky officially and Avenger" Steve replied and then wandered out

After Steve was a good distance away Wanda looked at Wanda smirked and raised her eyebrow

"What?" Nat said with a bit of a snippy tone.

"Nothing"! Wanda exclaimed

" you just came up with a lie so quickly its kind of impressive" Wanda admired Nat for how good she was at everything.

"Yeah well it's what I was trained to do" Nat replied and then continued sparring with Wanda

Nat had her foot an inch away from Wanda's leg when Wanda stepped away shut the door with her telekinesis and said to Nat

" Okay so i know you do want to talk about it... but obviously you and Bucky have known each other for a bit I need the story tell me everything!"

"Wanda i appreciate what you're trying to do but i would really like for you to butt out. My relationship with Bucky is nobodies business but mine and his"

Wanda had a hurt look in her eyes but dropped it and offered a half smile

" And As much as I would like to stay here and kick your ass I need to do something" Nat replied and walked out the Door leaving Wanda to wonder.

Bucky felt a bit sad that he still had to hide is undying love for her even know that they were both free.

He paced the carpet leaving a trail and waited for Natalia to come back so they could decide what their next plan of action would be.

Natalia walked in and his face lit up.

"Hi, James" she said with a blush on her face

HI! So This is the first chapter I've almost fully altered since starting this Fic in 2023 LMK what you think and if there's anything you would like to see in the coming chapters just LMK!
Also I'm a comics fan so some of the characters might act more closely to the comics than they do in the MCU Clint will be bit more silly like he is in the comics "Clint is in the vents" (IYKYK) Bucky And Nat will act just a tad bit differently since winter widow primarily happened in the comics hope you enjoyed!

Chapter Text

Red Hot liquid falls from Natalia's nose fuck- it think its broken.

Hopefully i can still smell 

A man's black combat boot shoots at her head in her peripheral 

She catches the kick, sides steps towards the soldier

She lands a nice swift kick to the soldiers liver 

He topples over

She steps out and kicks the other side of his ribs 

He’s on the ground now 

<<“Excellent performance, you’re well on your way to becoming a lethal weapon we call the black widow Natalia”>>

<<“What will become of the soldier Madame”>> 

There's a flicker of concern in Natalia's eyes 

She hopes Madame M doesn't Notice

She does 

Madame M lands a kick to the back of Natalia's legs 

She doesn't falter

She stands her ground and looks Madame M in the eyes

<<“Tsk tsk tsk the sooner you learn to not care about the pain you inflict on your victims the better ”>>

Natalia looks at the ground 

Madame M grabs her by the chin and forces her to look at the soldier

<<“ The widow's bite is lethal Natalia, Never be apologetic for your cruelty. Killing people is easy making them suffer is an art”>>

Madame M repeats the words to Natalia that she does to all the widows in training after a training session

Madame M turns on her heal and walks out the door 

Natalia uses this time to look at the soldier 

The Hydra supremes are beating the hell out of him

<<“ Letting one of the widows beat you soldier, especially such a small and docile one”>> His words are terse without a sense of human mercy in them all all

<<“ Wash up soldier I expect more from you”>> 

The Hydra supreme walks out 

Natalia and the soldier lock eyes, she tilts her head towards the hallway

A signal to him to meet her in the closet for one of their signature  post training make sesh

Natalia body is pressed against the wall of the weapons closet, his hands are around her waist pulling her closer to his torso

Her hands meet around his neck 

<<“Soilder-”>> She breathes out between gasps

<<“Yes my love?”>>

Even after all these years she can still sense his american accent as it lingers on his lips 

His mouth is now firmly pressed against her neck

“What is your name?"

 Her Russian accent was more noticeable when she spoke his native language 

They’d been seeing each other for almost 2 years and she still didn't know his real name

He pulled away with a confused look on his face, now inches from hers 

 To far-

“My name?”

“ What is your name, soldier?”

His hair was cut shorter now 

He no longer had a chin length cut

It was now much shorter 

She liked it that way 

He looked perplexed as if he couldn't remember-

She searched his face for an answer 

It never came 

“ I think- "I think my name was James” he said lowly 

“Yes, my name was James” 

His face now pointed at the floor 

She grabbed his chin and pointed his face towards her

“But- No one in my life that ever mattered called me that”

Hurt and longing for his old life flashed in his eyes 

Natalia knew how to play to his feelings

She pulled him closer 

His metal arm grazed the nape of her neck 

She let go and her head rolled into he touch 

She looked back up to him there foreheads now pressed together 

<<“Allow me to be the first”>>

He pulled her closer 

Their lips meeting 

Devouring each other 

A moan escaped from her lips 

“James-” 

She gasped 

“ I love it when you call me that”

“I love you Natalia”

His face full of need 

She pulled him in for another kiss 

“I Love you too James” she whispered between gasps.

Chapter Text

Natasha sat on the bed next to James, their arms brushing against each other. 

Natasha felt his cold metal arm on her skin sending chills down her spine.

She let out a sigh, her chin tilted up as she ran her hand through her hair.

“James… Nobody can know about us”.

“Natalia…”.

“ Look” she let out a conflicted sigh.

“I love you, I really do but…”

“I want to keep my personal life private. I never told anyone”.

“About us.”

Except Clint .

“And I don't want to risk my relationship with Steve over this” She gestured between them.

“Once you’re more acclimated to the compound and the people here we don't have to hide”.

“Please don't say anyth-”.

He silenced her with a kiss.

She relaxed her shoulder and arched into his touch.

They broke from the kiss still inches from each other. 

“ We can be whatever you want us to be”  he breathed so close to her mouth she could feel the heat of his breath.

“As long as I get to be with you I'm happy”

She grabbed onto the back of his neck and pulled his mouth into hers.

 His hand raked through her hair with passion and desire.

“Ive missed this” she whispered.

“Ive missed you too”.

She chuckled.

“Dont flatter yourself, I've  missed sneaking around”

“Secret meetings with secret lovers”

“Oh..?” he uttered with revelation

“Lovers plural?”
“ Im jealous” he tilted his head with a sarcastic questioning look on his face

“Who is this mystery Lover”

“ Don't get your panties in a bunch Soldier. Who is more of a second date question”.

“If you dane to take me on a first one”.

“ Better start planning, I'm not any easy woman to please”.

“ Is that a challenge?”

“If you desire it to be”.

She winked and pulled him onto the bed.

⧗ ✪

Footsteps sounded in the hallway outside of Natasha's room.

James? She wondered.

“Natasha!”

Steve's voice boomed outside of her door filled with concern and panic.

Nat propelled herself out of her bed taking long strides towards the door.

Steve is never panicked like this. Something must be seriously wrong.

She flung the door open. Facing Steve.

He was dressed in his stealth suit.

“Pierce is alive”.

No.

“How is that possible?” 

She opened the door further beckoning into her room as she went to her bathroom grabbing her suit and rapidly changing.

“Fury shot him in the chest twice”.
“I know” Steve's voice muffled through the door.

“Whats the mission status?” Natasha questioned.

“Were wheels up in fifteen” Steve answered.

She opened the door and changed into her stealth suit. Her hair was braided into 2 dutch braids tied up.

Yelena's signature style.

“Who's on the  mission roster?” she asked while grabbing her widow's bites (her taser bracelets).

The rest on her weapons already on the jet.

“Wanda, Rhodey, Sam and were picking up Clint on the way”

Her thoughts faded to how James would be handling the news.

If he even knows…

“ I'm going to grab Wanda from training and briefing her, meet us on the Jet” Steve started out the door.

“ I'll be right there I just have to take care of something” she shouted after him.

⧗ ✪

Her combat boots gelding against the floor as she broke into a sprint towards James room. 

She tried the door only to find it locked.

She kicked it down.

WHAM!

 He was on the floor, tears stained his face.

“James” she breathed 

He was barely conscious of what was happening around him.

She kneeled next to him.

“Im so sorry”.

No response.

She rested her head on his shoulder feeling the shudders of his breath.

She put her arm under his and led him into the bathroom setting him down on toilet seat.

She wet a wash cloth and filled a glass of water.

“Drink”.

He did.

She wiped away his tears with the washcloth.

“I cant stay-” her eyes full of sympathy and sadness. 

“Please-” he pleaded.

Tears welled in her eyes.

“I have to go take care of this”

“Im sorry James”

“I'll be back later I promise”she started towards the door.

He knew he would see her again she would not come back harmed considering her skill and lethality.

He stood up.

Her head turned towards him. 

“I'm coming with you” he followed after her.

 “No you're not”

Not a request but a command.

“Yes I am” he replied .

“You’re in no shape. You lose focus out there not matter how skilled you are you’re dead”

“Natalia please” he pleaded 

“ No”

“ That man tortured me for almost 70 years. You have no right to tell me not to come with you and take him out”.

She knew he was right.

No one on the team had been through more than him.

Not even her.

She doubled back to his closet, opened it and threw his suit at him.

He caught it.

“Be on the Jet in 5, I have weapons for you.”

“You’ll clear your head on the flight over. Understood?”

Right now she was not his lover, she was his commanding Avenger.

“Yes” he responded.

  ⧗ ✪

She walked onto the jet into the cockpit with out her co-pilot Clint 

She let out a breath to calm herself; letting her mind know that Clint was coming she wouldn't have to face this without him.

Again.

Clint was her rock.

Her platonic soulmate. 

“Nat, we're ready when you are”.

“Hang on Steve”.

He better be on time or I'm leaving .

Heavy footsteps sounding towards the jet steve turned his head and his eyes widened 

she smirked.

He was not James right now. 

Nothing human in those eyes. 

Just primal rage.

It was the winter soldier.

Chapter Text

“Bucky?” Steve asked in an accusatory tone, standing before him.

“Get out of my way Steve”.

Bucky and Steve had been friends since they were children; he would never take that tone with him unless it was dire.

“You are not in the right mental space” Steve's tone was assertive and non-negotiable  

The rest of the avengers on the jet suddenly found the walls very interesting 

“Steve, I killed and maimed for that man he controlled my mind or almost 80 years if there's anybody in a better mental state its me”

He sidestepped Steve and sat down

Steve turned his head towards Nat and pointed at Bucky 

“Nat, did you know about this?” His tone was accusatory but not mad.

“Can’t hear you, starting the jet” She replied with a slight smirk.

She enabled the sound proof stark curtain and took off.

⧗ ✪

“Auntie Nat! Auntie Nat!”

“You’ve gotten so big Lila”

Nat turned her head towards the target admiring bullseye holes and  the child size bow next to it

“Soon enough I’m gonna be calling you Hawkeye”.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily”

Nat Pulled Clint in for a hug

“Shucks, I would much rather have Lila on my six than you”

They pulled away

“Go help your mom with dinner dads gotta go save his friends”

Lila started  towards the house away from the conversation

“They’re hopeless without me” Clint shouted after Lila

Clint covered the left side of his mouth the jets occupants couldn't see what he was saying

“How are things going with the soldier over there” Clint whisper screamed at Nat

“Shut up!” Nat said as she hit Clint in the ribs 

“OOPMF”

“I Have a family i need to come home to I’m about to start internally bleeding”

Nat hit him again 

“OOPMF”

“ I see you’re a little tense, I take it it's not going well”

“Just get on the Jet asshat”

Clint and Nat jogged towards the jet and sat in the Cockpit

⧗ ✪

In the comfort of the cockpit and an altitude for 45,000 feet Clint and Nat began discussing her situation

“Its been going great actually”

“Im very happy”

Nat smiled at Clint

“About damn time Natasha Romanoff got some”

Nat hit him the shoulders 

“You never shut up”

“OUCH”

“Not but in all honesty I'm happy for you Nat.

 “Now give me the details, my life is boring”.

⧗ ✪

Back in the cabin bucky was anxiously looking at the cockpit seeing the blurry outlines of Clint and Nat chatting

I wonder if he knows about us

Bucky thought

He probably 

Every good spy had a confidant to discuss things with

To let a weight of their shoulders

Bucky was in the Red room when has heard Nat escaped the memory replayed in his head 

<< How could you let our best widow escape>>

Drekov was laying into the redrooms mission supervisor 

Bucky doubted that she would be alive in a few hours 

<< general Drekov please…>> 

She was in her knees pleaded now 

<< S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Clint Barton freed her>>

<< there was nothing we could do>>

A silenced gunshot sounded

It knocked bucky out of his trance 

The red rooms mission supervisor was now dead

Her blood sprayed all over the room 

She is free 

For the first time in 75 years bucky felt call

Even  without Natalia's presense 

She is free 

Bucky snapped back to the present 

Steve's dubious eyes on him

“You alright Buck”

“I’m fine”.

Lies

“You know if you want to talk about it-”

“I said im fine steve” Bucky said to steve his voice raised his eyes shooting dagger

Steve looked taken a back 

“Sorry” bucky apologized 

And then quickly looked away from Steve 

Towards the cockpit 

Again

Steve noticed Bucky's entranced gaze upon the cockpit 

He had only looked away to stare at the floor or to respond to a question 

Natasha was the only one who might be able to fathom what he was going through right now

Before they were pardoned — while running from the government Natasha had told him about what she experienced in the red room 

She hinted that Hydra was associated but never elaborated 

Steve had read the files he knew that the red room had run joint operations with hydra but bucky nor nat had been mentioned in the files 

⧗ ✪

When they arrived in the middle of nowhere South Sudan it was hot and Muggy 

Nat worried for Bucky 

Not only for his mental state but Bucky was usually in cold environments

Not to mention he was wearing about a thousand layers of clothes 

Courtesy of the Wakandans 

Wanda,Clint, Steve, Nat, and James

They snuck along side the building Wanda Nat and Clint in their  brand new stark tech stealth suits 

Bucky's arm gleaming in the full moon light

Wanda silently moved the barricades 

Allowing for clint to get on the roof and act as a sniper if they couldn't get the job done

“Alright, Wanda and I will west and clear the offices; Bucky, Nat you take east meet and clear the warehouse, once finished meet on the east side loading dock” Steve instructed 

“That won't be necessary” The team whipped their heads around to find Alexander Pierce  Cooper Barton Peter and Yelena drugged and unconscious being held hostage.

Chapter Text

Nats vision blurred.

She felt like collapsing.

Wanda used her telekinesis and grabbed Peirce and violently pulled him towards them.

“Ah, ah, ah"Pierce's voice rang out.

“You may be thinking just kill me right now and set them free”.

“But then who would give them the antidote to this unknown poison".

Pierce was right.

Nat knew that Clint was fighting the urge right now to put an arrow through Pierce's carotid.

Bucky's gaze was confused as he laid his eyes on Yelena.

Like her recognized her but couldn't quite place her face.

<<“She's my little sister from when I went on that mission in Ohio”>>.

Nat explained to Bucky.

The realization struck his face.

“That’s correct, council woman.”

 “and I  bet you wouldn't want to see her dead.”

“So I suggest you order your little witch friend to put me down.”

“But I want to see you all dead.” 

“And what better way for it to happen at the hand of your new avenger” Piece explained .

Bucky looked at the floor with a little smirk that Pierce didn't catch.

It didn't occur to pierce that maybe the reason no one was holding him at gunpoint right now.

Was because Bucky's trigger words no longer worked.

<<“Longing,>>

<< Rusted,>>

 <<Seventeen,>>

<< Daybreak,>>

<< Furnace,>>

<< Nine,>>

 <<Benign,>>

 <<Homecoming,>>

<< One,>> 

<<freight car”>>

Bucky just stood there and smirked at Pierce. 

Pierce’s eyes widened.

Pure panic in the look of his eyes.

He was all out of cards.

After all, Wanda could just read his mind and find out what that antidote is and where it was.

Bucky walked towards Pierce, grabbed him by the neck and held him up against the wall.

“Bucky,” Steve called.

Steve started towards Bucky. 

Nat put her hand in front of him and stared at steve as if she was saying.

Don't.

He needs this.

Bucky was still.

His body tense.

Nat walked towards him and put her hand on his shoulder.

<<“It’s okay”>>

<<“I’m here”>>

His body relaxed.

And he snapped Pierce's neck.

Bucky leaned into Nat’s body.

He let out  a sigh of relief and closed his eyes.

Steve was bewildered.

He knew that Bucky had been subjected to all sorts of torture over the years he was a prisoner of Hydra.

But he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his best friend could do that. 

Bucky.

Not the Winter Soldier.

Nat rushed over to Yelena and removed her Gag.

Clint ran around the corner and grabbed Cooper .

“WANDA WHATS THE ANTIDOTE!”

Steve grabbed Peter and they were now all ragdoll style carrying them.

“Pierce Lied,” Wanda answered .

She started running towards the jet and jumped into flight.

“Its not some unknown Poison"

“Its Nightshade” 

Nats face dropped.

Raw panic pulsed through her body.

“RHODEY WHERES THE NEAREST HOSPITAL”.

Nat had never heard such terror in Clint's voice .

“JUBA” Rhodey shouted .

“Clint, I'll take Cooper and fly him back to the jet,” Sam offered.

Bucky was running right beside Nat's sprint.

Yelena Began to regain Consciousness.

“Nat?”

Nat looked down at her baby sister.

“Where am I?”

She was slurring her words. 

“I feel like im dying”

<<“ Its okay little one you've been poisoned were taking you to a hospital”>>

She blacked out again.

“Nat, I'll take her and fly her back to the jet” Rhodey offered.

Nat handed Yelena to Rhodey.

Steve was so much faster than them he didn't need someone to fly Peter to the jet.

They arrived at the Jet.

Nat sprinted to the cockpit and put the jet on auto pilot so she could be with Yelena.
“Ill call Stark and tell him what's going on and to meet us in Juma”.

Bucky kneeled beside Nat.

Yelena on the floor of the Jet.

Tears welled in Nat's eyes.

Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist.

<<“Shes gonna be okay”>>.

When Bucky spoke Russian it offered some sort of intimacy to nat that she had never had with another lover.

It offered Bucky a positive view of being forced to learn Russian. 

He could speak it to her and nobody around them would know what they were saying.

Except Clint.

He pulled her closer looking around to see if anybody was watching them.

Everybody else was preoccupied in the chaos.

<<“I love you”>> Bucky told her.

<< “I love you too”>> Nat said to Bucky.

<<“You know I speak russian too”>> Yelena mumbled.

They both looked down at her with confused looks on their faces.

<<“ you cant hide anything from me im a spy”>>.

Bucky and Nat both looked at each other with confusion.

Yelena then mumbled something about them being stupid.

A smile graced Nat's face.

⧗ ✪

They all collectively sprinted into the hospital.

“WE NEED A DOCTOR” Nat shouted in Dinka. 

“They’ve been poisoned with Nightshade, they need an antidote and treatment” Nat continued in Dinka.

Bucky set Yelena down on the stretcher.

“We’ll do everything we can for them” the nurse stated.

Tony ran in dressed in his iron man suit.

Steve had a confused look on his face.

“How’d you get here so fast?” Steve asked.

“I was flying at Mach 5” Tony answered. 

“Now where’s the kid?”

“He’s back in the ICU” 

Tony started jogging towards the door to the ICU before he was stopped by the security guards.

“Hi Tony Stark, leader of the Avengers”

Steve raised his eyebrows.

“Say, how much do I need to pay you guys to let me back there”.

“Mr. Stark we cannot be bribed”

Tony suit compressed and collapsed at his feet and pulled out his wallet.

He started fanning hundreds in his hands.

“Just tell me when to stop”.

The guards' faces dropped.

Tony keeps fanning out hundreds. 

“Seriously guys this is like what you make in a  year right here” .

Tony rolled his eyes.

“This is ridiculous tony they’re not gonna let us back there” Rhodey shouted at Tony.

Wanda busted the doors down with her telekinesis and started walking through the ICU.
With her telepathy she already knew where they were.

The rest of the team followed after her.

Wanda started into a jog.

She gestured her hand at them as if to say to move faster.

“Come on, run faster”.

Wanda started flying.

The team broke into a sprint.

When they finally arrived into the room Cooper was coding. 

Clint let out an agonizing sob.

The doctors were shouting at each other in Dinka.

Nat began translating.

They began shocking Cooper.

His chest rose. 

Clint went for him but Bucky, Nat, and Steve were holding him back.

He began fighting them off with such skill and proficiency.

Nat took him down, incapacitating his limbs.

He began fighting her off .

But Nat was better than him.

“CLINT” she shouted at him.

It snapped him out of his trance.

“Cooper needs his dad, you need to snap out of it”.

“You’ll be no use to him if we need to restrain you”. 

“So take your head out of your ass and be his father”.

She got off of him.

He stood up dazed. 

It was as if he wasn't present to the moment.

Clint had seen a great deal but never had someone he loved been inches away from. death.merely because Clint loved them.

The monitor began beeping. 

“They say he is stabilizing, and they will administer the antidote once he is stable for as bit”

“Clint im here if you need anything but i need to go be with my sister” 

He nodded. 

Nat turned her head toward Wanda. 

“Down the hall and take a left, she's in room 133”.

Nat nodded a thank you and sprinted down the hallway.

Bucky followed.

When they arrived at the room Nat instructed Bucky to stay outside.

He nodded in agreement. 

When nat walked in Yelena was conscious and awake but hooked up to Ivs

Nat smiled. 

<<“Was that your precious James you were speaking to in the jet”>>

Yelena had a smile on her face. 

Nat started towards Yelena's bed side. 

She smirked. 

“<< I didn't think you were going to remember that>>”.

“You can't fool your little sister Natasha”.

“World's greatest child assassin remember" .

“Even better than the infamous Black Widow”.

Yelena titled her head to the side. 

“You have to earn the title first”.

“Maybe after you join the Avengers and maybe out preform me”

“Wait, join the Avengers?”

That seemed to wake Yelena Up.

“Well since you clearly can't take care of yourself without your big sister”.

“Stop this”.

“I was poisoned and taken prisoner while I was eating a cheeseburger”.

“I can take care of myself”.

“I don't need your pity”.

“And if you're done insulting my abilities you can leave now”.

“I need to sleep”.

“Yelena I didnt mean to-”.

“ Yeah tell me how sorry you are after ive rested”.

“Now leave”.

Natasha was wounded by Yelena's statement, her words like armor piercing bullets breaking down Natashas Iron clad walls. 

Bucky could see the hurt on Natalia's eyes as she shut the door to Yelena's hospital room.

He pulled her close. 

Her warmth comforted him.

She relaxed into his touch. 

His body was like a sanctuary to her. 

A place where her walls were not needed.

Where she could be her worst. 

And where she could be her best.

All her thorns. 

And all of her roses. 

He looked down at her.

A single tear streaking down her face. 

She looked up at him.

Pure agony and grief stricken on her face. 

“Hey”.

“Its gonna be okay”.

“She’ll feel better in the morning”.

“Im sure she didn't mean it”.

A questioning look on her face. 

“How did you-”.

“Super soldier hearing remember".

She smiled. 

The smile fell away from her face .

“This is my fault”.

Her voice husky. 

“You can't blame yourself for what others did”.

He knew better than most. 

She knew it too.

“They targeted her because of me”.

“Because of what I did to them”.

He rested his chin on her head. 

“He’s gone now”.

“They can't hurt her anymore”.

She started crying. 

He looked around seeing if anyone could see them.

There was not a soul in sight. 

 She leaned against the wall and inched down towards the floor. 

His arms  under hers guiding her on her way down.

“Its gonna be okay”.

Tony had just left Peter's room after he insisted that he was fine and that tony must be hungry so maybe he should go find them some food.

 He turned down the hall to find Widow and Manchurian candidate on the floor… 

Him comforting her while she was crying. 

Nat never showed any signs of weakness in front of anyone except Clint. 

Tony did a double take.

Bucky laid a kiss on her head.

Tony could not believe his eyes. 

The soldier and the widow. 

He supposed it wasn't far-fetched. 

They probably knew each other in her time in the red room. 

But tony was still shocked. 

He silently backed out of the hallway and walked in the other direction. 

He let out a sigh. 

He chuckled. 

“Proabbly shouldn't tell anybody” he said to himself. 

“Steve is gonna flip his lid” .

He whistled. 

He headed back towards Peters room and smiled. 

Chapter Text

Peter and Yelena had been making a smooth recovery. 

Cooper not so much. 

After Cooper stabilized. 

He was rushed to a hospital in Harrisburg Pennsylvania that has one of the best poison treatment centers in the world.

Clitn went with him and Laura there. 

Fury sent Maria to spend time with them.

Laura and Maria had remained friends even after Laura had left S.H.I.E.L.D.

Natasha flew in Alexi and Melina to be with Yelena.

Freeing the rest of the Widows was important work.

But-

It could wait. 

Upon Alexi’s and Melina's arrival. 

Yelena was still pretty pissed with Natasha after her comment about Yelena not being able to take care of herself.

Nast finished grabbing coffee for her family and walked back to the table.

She sat at the one unoccupied seat between Melina and Alexei.

“I don't know what she's so upset about. ” Natasha exclaimed. 

“It was just a joke.”

“And of course I'd love to have her on the team. And obviously  I think she can take care of herself if I'm offering for her to be an Avenger.”

“That girl always could hold a grudge,” Melina said while sipping her coffee.

“She’s probably not still mad at you, she's just not saying anything to you to prove a point”.

Nat turned her head towards Alexi with a questioning look on her face.

“That was strangely insightful of you.”

Alexei shrugged. 

“ I read a book on parenting.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“Yelena may have forgiven you for what you did but I haven't.”

“And it's gonna stay that way until you've made up for what you did.”

“Which by the way the odds of you doing that are almost infinitesima.l”

Alexi looked down.

Melina looks at Natasha sorrowfully. 

“Dont worry Melina I know you didn't have a choice.”Natasha said in language that she knew Alexei didn't speak. 

Melina squeezed Natasha’s hand.

Alexei felt that his presence was unwanted. 

“Im gonna go check on Yelena.” Alexei said downcasted.

“You shouldn't be so hard on him.” 

Melian muttered once Alexei was out of earshot. 

“He’s trying his hardest.”

“Too little too late,” Nat replied.

“<< How’s your old flame settling into the Avengers.>>”

James could probably hear them from across the cafeteria where he was sitting with Sam Steve, Peter and Tony.

Steve and Peter too but they didn't speak Russian. 

Nat saw in her peripheral that James' body tensed. 

“<< Melina!>>”

“<< I was just poking in my daughters love life.>>”

“<< I may not have the maternal instincts of a mother but I like to think of myself as one.>>”

Nat smiled.

“I’ve missed you girls.”

“At least try to get along with Alexei for the time being.”

“For Yelena's sake.” Melina suggested.

“<< The Avengers don't exactly know about you guys so until they figure it out lets keep it on the down low.>>”

“<< Ashamed of your first family now are we Natasha.>>” Melina said in a lecturing tone

“<< Yeah well I didn't really consider you guys my family until about a year and a half ago.>>”

<<“You’re playing a dangerous game keeping this a secret from your friends.”>>

Melina whispered. 

Good. 

Melina is smart enough to know that James has super soldier hearing.

<<“This is not like in the red room where tomorrow is not certain where amature spies roam.”>>

<<“ This is real life Natasha.”>>

<<“These are real relationships.”>>

Her voice was a bit louder now. 

<<“What do you think your friend the captain would say when he finds out his life long best friend has a secret relationship with his other bestfriend?”>>

Nastasha had to think about that. 

Even though Melina lacked the real life experience Natasha had. 

She was right.

Natasha shoved it down and got up.

“I’m leaving now.”

Natasha stated assertively. 

“Thanks for the advice.” Natasha said sarcastically

“<<You know im right little one.>>”

Melina called from a distance. 

Bucky heard what Melina said. 

She knew it hit home for Natasha.

And he also knew that she was right.

They were both excellent spies. 

But they were also in a compound full of Avengers. 

People were going to find out. 

And it would change their relationship forever. 

But unfortunately Bucky knew that Natasha would just want to push it down and ignore it. 

She always did that when it came to her relationships. 

Bucky's phone buzzed. 

TEXT:Nat

Meet me in room 310 for some us time :)

“Buck Everything ok?” Steve asked with an inquisitive look on his face.

“Uhh.. Yeah just from my therapist I'll be back.”

Bucky smiled and got up 

The expression on Steve's face could be described by nothing else but confusion. 

Bucky was not the same anymore…

Steve knew it. 

The Bucky he knew might have been willing to be emotionally available with them like that. 

But the new Bucky…

The new Bucky was cold sullen and closed off. 

He’s using a deflection lie so we don't ask questions. 

That or there's somebody that's making him light weighted enough to feel he can say... anything.

Or be open…

Once Bucky was out of earshot he decided to get up and follow him.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked. 

“I’m gonna follow him”.

Sam looked down and started to chuckle at the floor. 

“You two crack me up”

“You’re like a mama hen man”

“This dude is 100- something years old and you’re still coddling him”

Steve rolled his eyes 

“Just kiss already!” Sam exclaimed

“We're not gay Sam”.

“Are you kidding me!”.

“Y’all are so deep in the closet you discovered Narnia!”

Steve looked taken aback and started to walk away. 

“Go take care of your little chick, mama hen!”

Tony fell out of his chair laughing .

Bucky waited for the elevator to ding. 

He took a right and then a left and then another right. 

Room 310 before him. 

That number felt oddly familiar but he couldn't place it.

When he crossed the threshold Natalia stood before him.

Her mid length red wavy hair was down flowing past her shoulders. 

She wore a blood red turtle neck shirt and black shiny skin tight pleather pants/ 

The matching jacket splayed out on the counter.

“Hey soldier” she said with a nod of her head. 

A smirk graced his face.

“I like this outfit on you” he stated wily. 

He grabbed her hips. 

Natalia looped her arms around his neck.  

She stood on her toes now. 

He guided her hips towards the wall. 

She hit the wall abruptly. 

He sucked his teeth.

“Shit, sorry Nat.”

She silenced him with a kiss.

The kiss was passionate as if they hadn't felt each other in years.

He matched her intensity. 

A pleasurable noise escaped her lips 

His smirk met his lips. 

She wrapped her legs around his torso. 

He raked his hand through her hair. 

Taking a fistful in his hand. 

She arched into his touch. 

His body pressed her further into the wall.

Natalia's hands ran along the muscles of his back. 

They were sharp and defined. 

Even after his time in wakanda he had still managed to keep up his physique 

“Mmmmm” James murmured as he let out a breath . 

Nat pulled at his shirt.

“Natalia…” James said teasingly.

“Hmm?” she asked as if she didn't know what she was doing.

He chuckled. 

“You know what you're doing”.

“Well I don't know what you're talking about”.

“So why don't you uh…”.

“Why don't you enlighten me?”

He leaned in and kissed her neck. 

Steve reached the elevator Bucky had just entered. 

The sign at the top of the elevator read the number for the second floor.

Steve jogged over to the stairs and climbed to the second floor. 

Bucky was absent. 

Steve started running through the hallways. 

Checking empty rooms for any sign of him.

THUNK 

Steve heard a muffled noise down the hallway.. 

He started jogging down the hall toward the noise. 

He reached room 310 where he noticed that one of the blinds was slightly askew.

He saw Bucky's chin length hair and black shirt.

Bucky was with a woman. 

Not just with a woman.

He was kissing her. 

Steve couldn't quite tell who she was. 

She was average height, caucasian and she wore a red shirt.

Steve couldn't see anything else.

They started kissing more passionately. 

Steve took that as a sign to get out of there. 

“Hey kid, why don't you go get a drink you need to stay hydrated” Tony asked Peter. 

“Yes Mr. Stark.”

Peter arose and strolled away.

Time to stir the pot 

Tony leaned back in his seat. 

“ So wingman, where do you think Barnes actually is?”

“Probably hooking up with Natasha” Sam stated without looking up from his phone 

Tony was bewildered 

Sam looked up from his phone and raised his voice.

“You know they think I’m stupid” Sam testified impudently. 

Tony decided he was just gonna soak up all the information Sam so clearly had. 

“You see Her comforting him on the mission”

Tony raised his eyebrows. 

“You see them nuzzling each other on the jet.”

“You see his door kicked off the hinges after he found out Pierce was alive 

“You see him go with Natasha to check on Yelena”.

“The world's two deadliest assassins are being painfully obvious”.

Tony was impressed that Wilson was observant enough to gather all of this information. 

“I just hope Steve doesn't find out before they tell him”.

Chapter Text

Sam and Tony were making casual conversation at the table when Steve wandered back to the table 

Steve had a disoriented look on his face 

He was staring off into the distance

Tony spun in his chair and looked at Steve 

“So how’s Cyborg Jesus?”

Tony's comment brought Steve back to the present 

Steve's head snapped to Tony's 

“Hm?” Steve questioned 

“I said, How's your boyfriend.”

“Jesus Rogers get a grip man”

Steve didn't even acknowledge Tony's boyfriend comment 

Steve sat down 

“I think he was with a woman”

Sam shot Tony a glance 

Peter was sauntering over the table 

“Okay Mr Stark I’m nice and hydrated”

Tony waved his hand at peter “Kid scram the adults are talking.” Tony said without looking away from Steve

Peter had an irked look on his face and walked away without saying a word.

“Hold on Rogers you cant think he was with a woman. Was he or was he not”

Sam rolled his eyes at Tony's question 

“He was” Steve replied with a breathy tone.

“What exactly did you see about the woman?” Sam joined in on the conversation 

“She wore a red shirt and was white. That's all I saw before I got out of there”

“And you’re sure it was Bucky?” Sam questioned 

“Yeah.”

Steve sat down still not quite present in the moment 

Tony looked over sat Sam 

The expression Sam had on his face pointed at Tony seemingly said to downplay it and get Steve off Nat and Bucky's scent.

“Well it's about time that guy let off some steam.”

Steve looked up at Tony his eyebrows furrowed 

“What?” 

“I mean come on Steve he was exposed to torture and brainwashing for 80 something years. He finally has control over his own body, let him do what he wants with it.” Sam chimed in to support Tony.

“ And do not mention it to him, it's bad enough you’re following him around. And to him it might sound like you don't trust him ”

“That's strangely wise of you Wilson. This new information about you has broadened my nickname database” 

Sam rolled his eyes and looked down at his phone 

Peter wandered back to the table 

“Can I come back now?” he said exasperated tone

Tony had to do a double take to make sure that they way peter was speaking to him was real life 

“If you lose that attitude you can.”

Peter slumped down in his seat 

Nat pulled her hair the the side while Bucky helped zip up the back of her shirt 

 “You know the drill I’ll leave a bit before you so there's no suspicion.” Nat stated affirmatively. 

Bucky let out a sigh 

“What's the matter James?”

“ I just wish we didn’t have to hide.” 

Nat knew that having to hide brought back a painful part of his life 

Sneaking around hoping to not get caught

And the repercussions of getting caught 

Nat sighed,turned around  and looked at James

“Give me a week to think on it and about how we should tell people.”

“We’re safe now and I agree that we shouldn't have to hide” she promised

She got on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.

Nat threw on her leather jacket and started toward the door

“<<I love you>>”

She shut the door and walked out 

Yelena was leaning against the wall.

“You two just can’t stop yourselves from hooking up.”

Nat rolled her eyes 

“How are you feeling?” Nat asked 

“Better.” 

“Sorry about what I said about you not being able to take care of yourself.”

“Relax Natasha, I'm over it.”

“But what I do want to talk about is if you’re serious about me joining the Avengers.”

Nat looked down and smiled

“We could use someone with your brutality.”

“It does sound cool to live on an enormous compound with the world's most dangerous people”

“The jet leaves tomorrow and you’re on the manifest.” Nat walked away towards the elevator leaving Yelena.

Bucky waited a couple minutes and then finally left room 310 

Sam was waiting outside for him

Confusion splayed across Bucky’s face

“For two master assassins you sure suck and sneaking around.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and walked away 

“You don't know what you're talking about Wilson.” Bucky shouted from down the hallway 

Sam started jogging to catch up with Bucky 

“Rogers is catching on man.”

“But I think Tony and I were able to throw him off your scent.”

Bucky had a disgusted look on his face

“Tony?” Bucky asked

“The man’s not an idiot. And you certainly aren't too good at hiding things.”

“Its a miracle more people haven't found out.”

“Keep it in your pants man.”

Something snapped inside Bucky he had no tolerance for jokes made at the expense of himself and the woman he loved 

Bucky threw Sam up against the wall and got in his face 

“You tell anybody about this and I'll kill you.”

He set Sam down and walked away

Chapter Text

It had been 3 days since everyone arrived back at the compound.

3 days since Yelena officially joined the avengers

 And 3 days until Natasha had to make a decision on what to do.

Yelena, Wanda, and Natasha sat on her bed eating doughnut holes and talking about Nat's conundrum.

“I mean I just don't get why he wants to tell people, Steve's gonna lose his mind, then Bucky’s gonna feel bad then I’m gonna feel bad and then the relationship goes to shit” Nat said while stuffing her face with donuts.

Yelena shook her head.

“Men are the worst.”

“Just do what I do and don't date. Animals are better than people anyway.”

“I mean if you want I can just change his mind.” Wanda offered

“Yeah, no thanks I think he’s had enough people digging around in his brain.” Natasha objected.
Wanda shrugged and stuck her lower lip out.

“I’m just saying.”

“What did Clint say?” Yelena inquired.

 
“I don't want to bother him with all this. Considering what he's been dealing with about Cooper.”

“How’s he doing?” Yelena questioned.

“Better. He’s home on bed rest.”

“Do you think anybody knows about you and Bucky?" Yelena asked.

“No I don't think so we’ve been pretty careful.”

“Sam and Tony know.”

Yelena's Head whipped towards Wanda, her brows furrowed.

Nat tilted her head down her eyes closed and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

“Wanda…”

She let out a frustrated sigh

“You can’t just use your powers to read people's minds. It's an invasion of their privacy.”

“Oh. Sorry I didn't know.”

She looked down: Ashamed.

Yelena nodded her head at Wanda.
<“What's wrong with her”> Yelena questioned in Russian.
<"She has bad social skills along with being experimented on by Hydra

.
“Ah” Yelena exclaimed in realization.

“So what are you gonna do?” Yelena asked to quickly change the subject.

“I-"

"I don't know.”

⧗ ✪
Bucky stood at the sink, splashing water on his face. His hands trembled.

The dog tag chain around his neck felt too tight, like it was strangling him with history.

He stared into the mirror, forcing himself to breathe.

In and out.

The words I’ll kill you echoed back at him.

He hadn’t meant it. Not really. But in that moment it felt real.

But maybe he did.

He wasn't sure of himself anymore.

He knew he was no longer a killer.

But for Natalia-

He needed to breathe.

To see her.

⧗ ✪

In the common area, Tony was standing on a ladder near the couch, fiddling with the settings on the overhead projector.

“Don’t fall,” Sam muttered from the floor, where he was eating a bowl of cereal like it was 8 a.m. instead of 8 p.m.

“I’m a genius, not a gymnast,” Tony shot back.

“Also I installed this projector at a slight angle in 2015 and it’s still bugging me.”

“You installed it crooked and now you’re fixing it four years later?”
“Perfection takes time.”

“You need therapy.”

Natasha wandered in halfway through the conversations, leaned against the doorframe, and didn’t say a word.

Tony nodded his head at Nat.

“Hey Romanoff, where's your boytoy?” Tony remarked.

There was no amusement on her face.

Sam threw his spoon at tony.

Tony dodged it.

“Looks like someone's drunk on a Tuesday afternoon.”

“I’m leaving.”

Sam started to get up.

“No you're not.” Natasha corrected.

She kicked him back to the ground.

Not enough to hurt him but enough to send a message.

Sam's face scrunched inquisitively.

“Damn Natasha. You got some of that super soldier serum too?”

She rolled her eyes and then pushed Tony off the ladder and onto the couch.

Tony raised an eyebrow at her.

Natasha raised both of hers as if asking him if he really wanted to do this.

Tony backed off, crossed his arms and pouted.

Natasha rolled her eyes again and sat down on the coffee table in front of them.

“I know you guys know about me and Bucky so don't try and bullshit me by saying you don't.”

They listened attentively.

Natasha leaned in her elbows now close to her knees.

She lowered her voice into something just louder than a whisper.

Something threatening.

“Allow me to make this very clear to you, if you tell anyone including but not limited to Rogers I will make you regret it in severely excruciating ways.”

Dead silence flooded the room.

In this moment Natasha didn't care if she burned bridges over this.

She didn't care if this jeopardized her and Sam's relationship.

Lord knows Tony wouldn't care about the threat.

Hell he would probably respect her for it.

“Have I made myself clear?”

Sam nodded slowly.

“Tony?” Natasha asked.

He leaned back on the couch.

“Wow Widow you're Russians really just came out there for a second.”

“But yeah I'll keep you and frosty's secret in exchange for you letting me keep all of my limbs.”

“Didnt know you had it in you.”

Tony patted Natasha's shoulder on the way out.

She gave him the death stare in exchange.

⧗ ✪
Steve was in the gym, but he wasn’t really in the gym.

The bag in front of him had been hit so many times it was starting to split at the seam, and he still hadn’t broken a sweat.

Four days.

Four days since he saw Bucky in that hallway.

Four days since he saw that woman in the red shirt.

Steve had spent the time since convincing himself it didn’t mean anything… and failing.

It was just some random woman.

But Bucky looked so…

Happy.
A part of Steve was angry.

The part he didn’t like to look at too closely, was angry.

Angry that Bucky had shut him out.

Angry that he’d let someone else in.

Bucky was entitled to his own life.

He was entitled to do whatever he wanted.

Steve knew that.

]
But Bucky had spent so many years protecting Steve.

Steve felt that he needed to repay that.

But if Bucky could let someone he barely knew in so easily.

What was to stop him from making that connection with someone here on the compound.

Steve needed a drink.

⧗ ✪

Bucky didn’t even remember walking to Natasha’s room.

One second he was staring at his reflection, trying to breathe through the noise in his head, and the next he was in front of her door.

He knocked once.

No answer.

He tried the handle.

Unlocked.

The room was dark except for the soft distant city glow filtering through the curtains.

He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

Her black leather jacket was draped over the chair.

Boots kicked off near the bed.

She’d been here recently.

He sat down on the edge of her bed, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor.

His mind kept replaying the moment in the hallway with Sam.

His own voice, low and cold I’ll kill you.

He hated how easy it had been to slip back into that place.

The door opened in front of him

“James?”

Her voice was tired but warm.

He looked toward the door.

“Where were you?”

“Threatening Sam and Tony."

She closed the door, eyeing him.

“You okay?”

“Not really.”

She kicked her shoes off, moving closer. “What happened?”

Bucky shook his head. “I said something I shouldn’t have.”

“To who?”

“Sam.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It was… about us.”

Nat sat down next to him, close enough for their knees to touch.

She didn’t push.

“I just-” he started, then stopped.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m back there. Like nothing’s changed. Like I’m still… him.”

She studied him for a long moment.

“You’re not.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” she said simply.

“Because I know what it’s like to have blood on your hands and still try to live like you deserve better. And I know you.”

He looked at her.

“You think we deserve better?”

Her mouth curved into the faintest, saddest smile.

“I know we do.”
“All those years of killing without a choice.”

“Being enslaved to the evil of this world.”

Something in his chest loosened. He reached for her hand without thinking, and she let him.

“You ever think maybe the only people who can really understand what it's like are each other ?” he asked quietly.

Natasha’s thumb brushed over his knuckles. "Sometimes I do.”

The silence that followed wasn’t heavy.

it was grounding.

Bucky leaned in first. Slow. Careful. She met him halfway.

It wasn’t just a kiss. It was an anchor. A wordless I see you, and you’re not alone.

When they pulled back, they stayed close, foreheads touching.

“You can stay here tonight,” she murmured.

He nodded. “Yeah. I think I will.”

And for the first time in days, his hands stopped trembling.

⧗ ✪
Peter was on a mission.

Not an Avenger mission for snacks.

Midnight snack, stealth mode engaged.

Earbuds in pajama pants on and a camp half blood t-shirt.

Halfway down the hallway, his spider-sense flared.

That sharp, involuntary tingle up the back of his neck.

The one that usually meant something was getting hurled at his head.

He froze and turned his head.

It was coming from Natasha’s room.

Was she being attacked?

I've gotta check.

He thought to himself.

He opened the door very slowly just in case he was wrong.

He could see just enough because of the outside compound lights gleaming through the curtains.

Peters eyes widened when he saw Bucky laying shirtless on the bed, Natasha's head on his chest.

And lipstick smeared on his face.

Natasha is in bed with Mr.Bucky.

Natasha is in bed with Mr.Bucky.

Natasha is in bed with Mr.Bucky.

The thought kept repeating in his mind.

Pure panic in his chest.

He snuck back down the hallway to his room and decided to tell no one about what he just saw.

Not even Mr. Stark.

Chapter Text

"Tony that's Bullshit." Nats shout of profanity rang out through the conference room.

"Don't shoot the messenger Romanoff ,its not my rule."

"So i cant go to this very important Foreign Banquet because I'm ex-KGB."

"Their not singling you out Nat, Barnes cant go Either." Rhodey reasoned.

Bucky was now looking down at his feet, ashamed.

"That's ridiculous they know I didn't have a choice."

The Natasha of 5 years ago would never have been open about her Trauma. But now the Avengers were her family.

She was no longer ashamed of what she was forged into by the red room.

"Nat I agree with you about this being Bullshit but the host is a Ukrainian Emissary. The Soviets genocided her family during the Holodomor she has been adamant about you and Barnes not being there." Rhodey continued

Nat closed her eyes and took a deep breath to ground herself.

"Fine, but if she ever needs a favor let her know that the Avengers will have no part in helping her."

She got up and left the room before anyone else could object.

⧗ ✪

Nat was angry.

angry that she wasn't with her fellow Avengers.

angry that to other her past defined her.

and a little angry that Wanda and Yelena got to go because their past with the Red room and Hydra hadn't been dumped all over the internet.

Nat decided she was not going to lay around in her room and feel sorry for herself.

She got up, went to her closet and opened the shoe box on the floor that contained her ballet slippers.

She held the pink slippers in her hands.

Natasha sighed to herself.

<"Hello old friend">.

⧗ ✪

Nat solemnly stood in the training room facing the lake.

What a view.

Natasha sat down on the floor and began stretching her leg while she put a slipperon one foot.

Her feet covered with calluses that would never disappear .

She turned hooked her phone up to the speaker and put on her ballet playlist.

She danced to calm her anger.

She danced to remind herself that she was more than would she was made into

She danced to overcome her trauma

She danced to prove to herself that the anguish over her past would not deter her from doing something that she loved.

The compound was quiet. Too quiet.

Everyone else was at the stupid banquet that he wasn't invited to.

He would never forget the look on Natasha face when she found out that she wasn't wanted because of her past.

Bucky wasn’t sure what to do with the silence. It made him restless. He wandered the hallways in his red Henley and black pants.

That’s when he heard it.

Music. Soft, muffled through the walls.

He followed it, boots silent on the polished floor. It was coming from one of the empty training rooms.

He stopped at the doorframe.

Natasha was in the middle of the room, ballet slippers on, moving with a grace that wasn’t about fighting. Her hair was in a single french braid , swaying as she spun, as though no one in the world was watching.

He leaned against the doorway, struck still. He had seen her fight, seen her kill, seen her bleed. He had never seen her dance.

The song was too loud for her to hear him.

He wanted to go to her.

to dance with her.

he could dance he thought to himself.

without even thinking about it his body was involuntarily moving to her

as quite as a mouse.

he approached her from behind grabbed her hips and started dancing with her .

Natasha immediately knew it was James the second his hands were on his hips.

By his breathing.

by the way he moved.

by the way they fit together like a puzzle.

the feel of his cold metal arm on the exposed skin of her hips.

he was playing a dangerous sneaking up on her like that.

She was always holding back whenever they fought.

If she truly thought James was an intruder she could've knocked him out.

They danced together for the remaining duration of the song.

"I didn't know you could move so fluidly James." she remarked.

"Guess you haven’t seen me in the right moments."

She smirked at the floor.

"sorry for just running in and joining you" He apologized as he rubbed the back of his Neck.

"No need to apologize James I'm always happy to have you in my company".

He kissed her neck.

She chuckled.

"Be serious James the next songs about to start."

"And you're going to have to work very hard to surpass my dancing."

He gripped her hips and moved her closer.

Natashas favorite dancing song came on.

God needs the devil by Jonah Kagen .

She didn't usually like Country but this song felt so far from that.

It reminded her of him.

Of their dynamic.

James thought the same thing once he had heard a bit of the song.

They danced to defy the odds of what was to be made of them

They moved so fluidly with each other like they had done this a multitude of times before

Nats head sat on his shoulder as the song ended.

She got on her toes and kissed him.

His lips were hot and full of need.

When they pulled away Natasha began to speak.

" I don't know about you but I think this just became our song."

"We'll have to her the next song first."

he kissed her neck as the next song started.

⧗ ✪

Steve was talking with some diplomats at the banquet when Rhodey approached him.

"Cap."

Steve turned his head and looked at Rhodey.

"Ambassador Novak, Ambassador Malhorta you'll have to excuse Captain Rogers for a moment I need to speak to him."

"Of course Colonel Rhodes."

"Friday finally broke into Pierces Files."

"How would you like me to proceed?" Rhodey asked him.

"Once were back at the compound I would like you to take a look at the files and then brief me."

"Yes boss."

Sam and tony were left alone at their table.

alright lets get this party started.

Tony thought to himself.

"So Donald, what do you think Romanoff and Barnes are doing with their alone time at the compound."

Sam looked up from his phone dumbfounded at Tony.

"First of all who is Donald, and second of all can you quit it man. Do you not have anything going on in your life that you're meddling with theirs?"

Tony had a disgusted look on his face.

"you don't know Donald? The flacon from SNL."

"And yeah my life is pretty boring right now with Pepper in Tokyo and what not."

Sam dragged his hand down his face.

"You know Natasha's gonna kill you if anybody finds out because of you."

"Yeah but you already know so no harm done. Right?"

Sam shook his head and looked back down at his phone.

Tony grabbed it and tossed it behind his head.

"HEY MAN, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR." Sam shouted at Tony.

"You need to get of your phone once in a while."

"Damn Screenager." Tony scoffed.

"I'm a grown man." Sam testified.

"And those Aren't cheap by the way."

Sam checked out Tony's expensive suit.

"Well I guess by your standards they are."

Tony leaned closer to Sam.

"Wilson, who is this special someone you wont get off your phone for."

Sam's brows furrowed.

"I'm not telling you a damn thing."

Tony tapped his earpiece.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., Search his phone."

Sam grabbed Tony's hand.

"All right all right I'll tell you."

"Her name is Leila and we knew each other in the air force and reconnected recently."

"Wait Leila Taylor, Head of the presidents security team."

Sam looked bewildered and started looking around the room appalled.

"Yeah, how'd you know man."

"Rhodeys old CO was her Father."

"He's long dead by now but Rhodney checks up on her occasionly."

Sam threw his arms up in the air .

"Damn it man, I cant have shit."

⧗ ✪

Steve Sat solemnly in the kitchen looking at some old Photos of him and the howling commandos when Rhodey wandered in.

"Cap theirs something you're going to want to take a look at."

He set down a manila folder on the counter in front of Steve.

The folder was titled winter solider physical punishment logs.

"Rhodey I don't want to look at this, its disturbing and sadistic."

"trust me you're going to want to."

"page six subsection three."

Rhodey left the room leaving Steve alone with the folder.

he contemplated open it but then decided if Rhodey determined that he needed to look at it he probably needed to take a look at it.

The folder had already been translated from Russian by Pierces staff thank god.

The file read: Date 2006 March 19th- The winter solider was ordered to be tortured and to fight 3 Hydra subjects with his hands tired behind his back for having a near 3 year amorous relationship with Black Widow Trainee one Natalia Romanova.

Steves eyes winded as the folder dropped onto the counter .

Chapter Text

The compound was quiet, the kind of silence that pressed against the walls after a long day of too many voices and not enough peace.

Natasha’s room was dark except for the faint glow of the lamp on her nightstand, its light spilling like a soft halo over the bed.

Bucky lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, his breath slow but not quite steady. Natasha was beside him, curled onto her side with her head resting just over his shoulder, one hand resting on his chest where the steady thud of his heart grounded her.

It hadn’t started as this. Not at first.

Sometimes they ended up here because sleep was impossible on their own.

Too many ghosts clawing their way out of the dark when the lights went out.

Bucky’s nightmares still shook him awake, and Natasha had long since stopped pretending her past didn’t follow her into bed.

But when they shared the silence together, it was different.

The weight was still there, but lighter. Bearable.

Tonight had been one of those nights. No words, no plans.

Just two broken soldiers who understood what it meant to need someone who wouldn’t run away when the weight of the memories was too much.

Natasha shifted against him, her fingers curling slightly against the fabric of his shirt. “You’re still awake,” she murmured, voice thick with drowsiness.

Bucky turned his head just enough to see her in the dim light. “So are you,” he said softly, a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth.

She sat up in the bed, he followed.

She pulled the chain of the lamp and the room lit up

Her lips curved, but only faintly. “Maybe that’s why this works.”

Her hands cupped his face.

He didn’t answer right away, only tightened his arm around her as if to say he wasn’t going anywhere. And for Natasha, who had always been more at home in fleeting shadows than permanence, that was enough.

It was that fragile, unspoken peace that Steve unknowingly stepped into when he pushed open the door.

Steve was in a bit of a daze.

He had come up with a pathetic plan.

Go to Buckys room and very gently talk to him about it.

Steve was a bit mad about this situation.

He knew it was selfish to feel that way.

Steve wasn't mad that he had a romantic relationship with Nat.

He was mad that he handy told him.

That he hadn't let him in.

That he let somebody else in.

Steve knocked.

No answer.

He softly pushed the door open.

His bed was empty and very neatly made.

He hasn't been here tonight.

The thought that he was in Nats bed tonight startled him.

He started walking in the other direction. deciding that he would talk to him about it in the morning.

The devil on his shoulder said otherwise.

Before he knew it he was wandering towards the elevator

Towards Nats door.

He delicately knocked on Nats door

No response.

He pushed on the door.

"Hey Nat can I talk to you about something."

Natasha saw her door being pushed open. and heard a muffled voice

Before she knew it she had grabbed her pistol from under her pillow and was pointing it at the door.

Steve

"Sorry to barge in, But I really need to talk to you about-"

Steves eyes widened and he backed out of the doorway.

Buckys head was faced at Steve.

He felt an unbearable dread course through his veins.

"Steve wait-" Natasha called after him.

She began to get out of bed but Buckys hand in front of her halted her movement

"I'll talk to him."

She did not object.

Bucky followed him out into the hallway.

"Steve wait-" Bucky called after him.

"What the hell is going on buck." Steve shouted disillusioned

Bucky quickened his pace, closing the gap between them, but Steve’s back was rigid as stone, shoulders tight with betrayal.

“It’s not what you think,” Bucky said, his voice low, strained.

“Don’t.” Steve spun around, his voice sharp, but his eyes gave him away. Hurt. Confusion. Betrayal. “Don’t try to tell me it’s nothing when I saw you. I saw her you guys together”

“This isn’t about sneaking around. It’s about survival. She’s… she’s the only one who gets it.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, his chest heaving. “Gets what?”

Others were beginning to wake up.

Sam stepped outside of his room disoriented.

Tony stpped out of his suite at the end of his hall in his pink robe,slippers, and sleep mask with the words i am iron man embroidered on the back holding a candelabra

"Lovers quarrel everybody." Tony remarked from down the hallway

"Shut up Tony." they both shouted in unison.

His brows furrowed and he stepped back inside his room with the door cracked

“The nightmares. The ghosts. The blood on your hands that doesn't go away” Bucky’s voice cracked, but he didn’t back down.

“Nat understands. She doesn’t look at me and see the Soldier. She sees me. And for the first time in decades, I feel like maybe I’m worth something.”

Steve faltered, just for a moment, the fire in his eyes dimming with conflict.

“You should’ve told me,” he said finally, his voice quiet. “I had to find out like this? After everything we’ve been through?”

"He you two wanna shut up?" Yelena poked her head out of door and peered down the hallway

Once she noticed what was going on her eyes winded seeming to say oh shit.

From down the hall, Natasha stood barefoot in the doorway of her room, arms crossed, face unreadable. She hadn’t moved to interfere, but her presence was a quiet shield, ready if she needed to step in.

Steve’s voice dropped, quieter now, though still heavy with hurt. “You should’ve told me, Buck. You’re my brother. You don’t keep something like this from me.”

Bucky nodded slowly, shame etched into every line of his face. “I know. I was scared… scared you’d see me the way I see myself. And then you would hate me ”

Bucky trailed of into a whisper as he uttered that last sentence.

The hallway hung in silence, broken only by the faint hum of the compound’s air vents.

Steve exhaled, long and heavy, as if the weight of the world pressed harder than ever.

Steve shook his head, a mix of disbelief and fatigue in his eyes. “I could never hate you, Buck… but, wow… you really caught me off guard.”

Natasha stood in the doorway, quiet and still, her presence steadying the room without a word. Steve glanced at her briefly, and for the first time since storming down the hall, his face was softened, drained, but not angry.

He ran a hand over his face, letting out a long sigh. “I just… I need a moment to process this.”

With that, he moved past them, leaving the hallway heavy with unspoken words and raw emotion.

Bucky stood frozen in the hallway, chest heaving, until Natasha’s hand slipped into his. Not pulling, not pushing , just there. A reminder that he wasn’t alone.

" Nat, I think I'm gonna sleep in my room tonight, I need to be alone right now."

Natasha nodded her head in response and turned on her heel back to her room .

She picked up her phone off the end table and texted Yelena.

Nat:Hey,wanna get drunk?

Three dots hovered upon the screen, and then vanished

Guess I'm drinking alone

Just as Natasha pulled her good bottle of Vodka out from under her bed Yelena waltzed through the door carrying a case of beer.

Yelena nodded her head at Nat.

<"Lets drink">

⧗ ✪

Nats head was pounding when she awoke.

The clocks red lighting shown 1:17 PM.

Shit.

Nat lifted her head up off of the pillow.

Yelena was star-fished across the mattress, one arm dangling off the side, breathing loudly through her nose.

Nat squinted at the bottles on the nightstand two empty, one tipped over, a glass still half full.

shit how much did we drink last night?

“Shit,” Nat muttered again under her breath. She rubbed her temple, trying to piece the night together. They’d started with the beer then Yelena had insisted one more round wouldn’t kill them. Shots. Laughter. Somewhere along the way, Nat remembered Yelena daring her to dance on the dresser, and… god, had she actually done it?

A groan escaped her as she slid out of bed, steadying herself against the wall. The compound was too quiet for this hour, the stillness only making her headache worse.

From the bed, Yelena stirred. “Why are you awake? It’s… Saturday.” Her voice was hoarse, muffled by the pillow.

“It’s Sunday,” Nat replied dryly, reaching for the bottle of water on the dresser.

Yelena sat up halfway, squinting at her. “Shit.”

Nat shook her head, despite the pounding in her skull.

shit how much did we drink last night?

⧗ ✪

Nat wandered out the kitchen in her signature black tank top with the little widow mark embroidered on the chest and red sweat pants .

Wanda was cooking for Vision.

"Damn Natasha, whats going on with you."

Nat rested her elbow on the kitchen counter and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

"You didnt hear the commotion last night?"

"I did."

"But I didn't want to bring it up."

"Yeah after that turns out Yelena that and I decided to get shit faced drunk."

Wanda gasped her hand on her chest.

"Without me?" she commented sarcastically.

"I'm offended."

"Is my company not good enough for you, my dear." Vision remarked.

Vision placed his hands on Wanda hips and they swayed against each other.

Natasha rolled her eyes .

"Jesus Christ has this moved out to the common areas now?"

Wanda glanced at Nat in her peripheral.

"What it's only allowed when you do it?"

Wanda used her telekinesis to get Nat a protein drink out of the fridge.

<"drink up Natasha">. Wanda said to her in Sokovian.

<"Thanks>" Natasha replied in Sokovian as she sauntered out of the room.

Wanda didn't know that Natasha spoke Sokovain and the confused look on her face reflected it.

Bucky was sitting on the floor of the shower letting the water beat on his back.

I really fucked up.

With Steve.

With Natalia.

With all of it.

He was staring in the mirror now, his dog tags hanging from his neck.

He needed to back to when things were easier,

So, he threw some clothes on, hopped out the window and caught a train to Brooklyn.

Chapter Text

The train rocked beneath him, but Bucky barely noticed. His hands were jammed into the pockets of his jacket, shoulders hunched, eyes fixed on the blur of the city sliding by outside the window.

Every stop felt like an echo of a past life ,names and corners that used to mean something when things were simpler, before Hydra, before missions and lies and fractured trust.

He needed space. He needed the weight of Brooklyn beneath his boots, the familiar rhythm of the streets where Steve had once dragged him into trouble and out of it again.

Maybe, just maybe, it could remind him of who he was before everything got so damn complicated.

⧗ ✪

Back at the compound, Natasha leaned against the hallway wall, sipping the drink Wanda had handed her.

Privacy was rare in the compound, and lately it felt rarer still.

Whispers, glances, tension that buzzed under the surface like static.

She could handle all of it.

What she wasn’t sure she could handle was Bucky unraveling in plain sight.

⧗ ✪

Brooklyn greeted him with noise and grit.

That terrible New York City stench felt welcoming to him

The streets seemed busier than he remembered for April 2nd

People weaving their way through the crowd ignorant to what was going on around them.

For a while he just walked, boots scuffing against the cracked sidewalks, until muscle memory pulled him toward the old neighborhoods.

Toward the corner where he and Steve used to sit on the stoop, talking about futures that seemed so certain at the time.

Bucky sat there now, alone, elbows braced on his knees, head bowed. The weight of his dog tags pressed against his chest, heavy with memory.

“I’m still here, pal,” he muttered under his breath, as if Steve could hear him from miles away.

⧗ ✪

Natasha was wandering aimlessly around the compound thinking about last night. She wanted to give Bucky space— but what if thats not what he needed right now.

What if he needed someone familiar to pull him out of that pit of anguish.

Natasha cupped her face in her hands and let out a noise of frustration.

Against her better judgement she began the trek to Buckys room.

Her mind flooded with thoughts of rejection from him

What if he shut down?

God knows she did when she felt to much

When she knew Bucky in the Red Room their meetings had been brief.

Mostly physical.

There were moments where it was deeper, where they talked.

Until the Red room sucked the joy out of the only good thing of it all.

Buckys closed door stood before her.

Looming over her like a shadow

The knocked gently to be met with silence

She knocked again

Same conclusion

Natasha tried the handle

unlocked

She peered into the room to find it vacant

His window Ajar

Ajar enough for a person to slip out of…

"Damn it."

she slipped out of his room to go to the Avengers compound surveillance center.

Upon checking the cameras she saw Bucky jump out of his window and leave the compound.

good thing the Avengers have access to all of the tri-state areas surveillance center.

she tracked him to a near by train station when she heard light foot steps behind her.

"He's a grown man you know." Yelenas voice sounded through out the room.

"He doesn't need you babysitting him."

"Do you have something useful to say or are you just here to pass judgment?"

"Natasha, you may think you know what he's going through; but you dont."

"Oh and you do?"

Yelena joined natasha in the neighboring chair

"He had a whole life he left behind."

"You were able to make a new one."

"I'm just saying that you need to put this in perspective."

"You've though through this whole relationship that you knew exactly what it was like for him. But you don't."

"Try to look at this differently.Maybe go talk to Steve or something."

"Yeah I'm really trying to avoid that conversation for right now."

"Natasha I think you've been neglecting your friendships during this whole ordeal."

Natasha stared at the floor.

"Don't sacrifice your friendships for him. Don't just help him recover from his trauma, help him make a life here."

Natasha smiled

"How did my little sister become better versed in knowledge on my relationships."

Yelena shrugged

"I think you're right I'm gonna go talk to Steve."

⧗ ✪

Steve was seated at his desk sketched something that looked like a wolf and spider when Natasha knocked on the open door.

"Hey,can we talk?" Natasha inquired

"Yeah, come on in."

Natasha sat on the bed adjacent from Steve Her hands flat on the bet beside her.

"I knew him."

Steve didnt let on that he knew, he just let Natasha speak.

"He trained me, in the Red Room."

"But he was more than just my teacher, we loved each other."

"But we were caught and he was tortured and I didn't see him again until Odessa."

"That must've been hard." Steve responded

"It was."

"Heavy drinking really helped knock out the nightmares." Natasha smirked.

"Nat,you don't need to explain yourself to me, why are you really here."

"I don't understand what he's going through. I thought I did"

"Nat, I don't quite myself know what he's going through either.I thought that's what he came to you for."

"Steve, I'm really worried about him.I think last night sent him spiraling."

"Do you want me to go talk to him?"

"He's not here."

"I think he's gone somewhere to clear his head. Somewhere he doesn't want us following."

" I think he's mourning the life he left behind.And I think you know a bit about that."

"When I woke up, I really only had one person I cared about who was still alive. And I was angry. But fortunately I had people who cared about, who helped me build a new life."

"That's not the whole truth and you know it."

"It's the only part that I'd care to share."

"Are you mad at me for keeping this from you?"

"Bucky is the person I care about the most most in the world. If you're able to help him get through this, if you're able to make him happy, then I'm happy for you two."

"Steve, I-"Natasha’s voice faltered. She wasn’t used to faltering. Words usually came sharp and controlled.

Steve leaned back in his chair.

"Nat, you don’t owe me an apology. Not for this.”

“I didn’t mean to… hide it. It’s just—what we had, it was ours. For once in my life, something was mine. And I didn’t want anyone to touch it.”

Steve’s jaw tightened, but his voice stayed even. “You deserve that. Both of you do. After everything that’s been taken from you… you deserve something that’s yours.”

Natasha swallowed, her throat dry. “But it’s not just about me. He’s hurting, Steve. He’s carrying decades of ghosts, and every time I think I’ve found a way to quiet them, something new tears the wound open again. I don’t know if I’m enough for him.”

Her lips parted slightly, her expression unreadable, but her eyes softened.

Steve let out a long sigh. “I’ll give him space for now. But when he comes back, I’ll be here. For him. For both of you. I promise you that.”

Natasha finally looked up at him, something unspoken passing between them, mutual understanding, mutual grief. She stood, her movements measured, and smoothed the sheets beneath her palms.

“Thank you, Steve,” she whispered, her voice steadier now.

He nodded once. “Just… take care of him, Nat.”

She turned at the doorway, glancing back at him one last time. “That’s the one thing I know how to do.”

Chapter Text

By the time Bucky arrived back at the compound everyone was sleeping on the chilly spring night. Using his superior stealth skills he was able to sneak past Tonys high tech intruder defenses.

Bucky leaped up to his second floor window and climbed through the window.

He half expected Natasha to be sitting on his bed with her arms crossed waiting for him with a concerned look on her face and concerned speech already prepared.

Bucky wasn't stupid, he knew that she was worried about him.

In most ways their trauma was similar. But in some ways it was not.

Bucky had a life that he left behind, and right now part of him was mourning that life.

He didn't even get to say goodbye to his sisters. They'd died thinking that their brother was a war hero who saved his men.

But in reality their brother was a monster.

That was something that Natasha could never understand.

⧗ ✪

Natasha lay awake in her bed tossing and turning worried about James.Most of the Avengers went out for their weekly Friday night out on the town shenanigans. Everyone except for her and Steve.

Natasha had no idea where James was even thought she covered for him when the rest of the team asked if he wanted to come.

Natasha silk pajama pants and black tank top felt to tight all of the sudden.

Her feet hit the floor before she even knew where she was going.

She found her feet leading her down she stairs and towards the kitchen.

She wandered over to the fridge ,poured some milk into a bowl and ate topped it off with her favorite cereal; cinnamon toast crunch.

"Cant sleep either?"

Natasha turned around and hurled her spoon at Steves face, only for him to catch it inches away from his nose.

"Jesus Christ Steve, don't sneak up on someone at 12 o'clock in the morning."Natasha Retorted.

Steve smirked faintly, setting the spoon down on the couch. “Reflexes are as sharp as ever.”

Natasha gave him a flat look, but the corner of her mouth twitched. “You try growing up in a place where people could slit your throat while you sleep. You’d throw spoons too.”

“Guess I’ll stick with the shield,” Steve replied, settling into the chair across from her. He watched her shovel another bite of cereal into her mouth. “Cinnamon Toast Crunch, huh? Didn’t picture you as a sugar cereal type.”

Natasha arched a brow. “What, you think I wake up every day and eat kale? You’d be surprised what gets you through the night.”

Steve chuckled, resting his elbows on the table. “I used to steal boxes of Wheaties from the corner store. They had Jack Dempsey on the front one year—thought if I ate enough, I’d bulk up like him. Didn’t work.”

“That’s because cereal doesn’t make you stronger, Science experiments do,” Natasha quipped dryly, lifting her spoon.

Steve huffed a laugh and shook his head, but before he could answer, a sharp sound cut through the quiet kitchen.

Both of them froze.

A muffled gut wrenching scream . A low, strangled voice carried faintly down the hall. Natasha and Steve exchanged a look they both knew that sound.

“Bucky,” Steve murmured, standing up from the couch.

Natasha was already on her feet. Her voice was steady, but her eyes were tight. “Nightmare.”

They padded quietly down the hall, careful not to startle him. From behind Bucky’s door, the noises grew clearer,ragged breaths, words in Russian, the bed frame creaking under his restless thrashing.

Steve’s burst through the door, Natasha hovering outside letting Steve calm him down before she needed to step in.

Natasha eased the door open just enough to slip inside. The room was dark, shadows bending across the walls. Bucky lay tangled in his sheets, dog tags glinting faintly, his metal hand clenching and unclenching like it was fighting phantoms.

Steve tapped the side of Buckys face with his leaving the other hand free in case Bucky attacked him.

"Buck. Bucky its Steve." Steve Muttered.

Bucky awoke from his nightmare eyes wide with fear.

His arm went towards Steve neck but Steve caught it before it arrived.

"Its kay it was just a nightmare you're safe now."

Bucky sat him hunched over his chest heaving

"Nat- Natalia.I want Natalia."

"Natalia?." Steve said confused even though he knew what Bucky meant.

"My Russian name." Nat said as she sidestepped the door into his room.

She sat on his bed adjacent to where Steve was sitting.

Natasha cupped Buckys face in her hands.

"James, its okay you're safe now I'm here."

She pulled him into her chest and placed a kiss on the top of his head

"I'll be out in the hall if you need anything." Steve offered.

"We're okay here." Natasha replied

Steve walked out and shut the door

Natasha held his face in her hands and tilted it toward her.

"Whats going on <my love>"

" I was back there." James uttered

"And I was fighting the other Super soldiers. And when I lost they tortured me."

Natasha listened to him, letting him talk. She was an anchor in his storm of memories.

James exhaled shakily, his metal hand brushing against hers, searching for something solid to hold onto.

“They—they kept me there for so long,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “Every day… every night… they tried to make me someone else. Someone I couldn’t recognize.”

Natasha tightened her grip on his face, thumbs brushing over the tense muscles of his jaw. “I know, James. I know."

He pressed his forehead to hers, letting the warmth of her body anchor him. “I thought… I thought I’d left it all behind. That I could start over. But it’s like it never really ends. And I… I can’t stop thinking about what I did… what they made me do…”

" it doesn't go away, it just gets better."

“You didn’t choose any of that,” Natasha said softly, her voice steady, unwavering. “You survived. And that counts for more than you know. The man you are now… the man I love… that’s the one who matters. Not the soldier they tried to make you.”

James swallowed hard, closing his eyes, letting her words sink in. “I don’t deserve that.”

“You do,” she whispered. “You deserve safety. You deserve peace. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not who you were forced to become.”

He took a shaky breath and leaned against her, the tension in his shoulders slowly easing. “I missed you,” he admitted quietly, almost ashamed.

Natasha kissed the top of his head again, fingers threading into his hair. “I know. And I’m here."

For the first time in hours, maybe days, James allowed himself to just be present, to let the nightmares fade, if only for a little while. The past still lingered, but with Natasha holding him, the weight felt lighter.

She pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes. “We’ll get through this. Together.”

⧗ ✪

Natasha awoke to see James bare scarred back facing her his shuttered breaths barely audible. She gently ran her fingers across his back. She knew what they were from, but she wouldn't dare say it.

She draped her left arm over his the cold metal meeting her warm skin. She placed a kiss on his neck.

"Hey Handsome."

"Good morning red."

"Did you sleep okay?" Natasha asked

"Better with you by my side."

Bucky let her guide him down until his back met the mattress.Natasha set her knees next to his thighs straddling him.

He grabbed her hips and guided her body into his. their lips crashed

Utter desire and passion rang through their lips.

Their lips detached. Her hands found his face, the pads of her thumbs traced his longing lips.

She leaned in until her lips met his ear

Her lips grazed the shell of his ear, her breath hot against his skin.

“Tell me what you want James,” she whispered, her voice low and husky, dripping with seduction.

A groan escaped his chest before he could stop it, his hands gripping her hips harder. “God, Nat…” His words broke into the kiss she claimed from him, hungry and consuming.

Their mouths crashed together again, a mess of teeth and tongue, their need for each other written in every movement. She shifted against him, her body aligning perfectly with his, pulling another sharp breath from his lungs.

He trailed one hand up her back, pressing her closer, as though he could fuse her to him and erase the space between. Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging lightly as she deepened the kiss, swallowing the sound of his low, desperate moan.

Every kiss was fire and forgiveness. Every touch was proof that, here in this moment, they weren’t weapons or soldiers, just two people clinging to each other like the world might vanish around them.

Her lips claimed his again, and for a while there was nothing but the sound of their breathing and the warmth of their bodies pressed together. Bucky’s hands slid along her waist, fingers tracing her curves, desperate to memorize every inch of her.

But then his hand stilled.

His fingertips brushed over the raised skin on the left side of her chest, then lower along the ridges at her torso. The texture was unmistakable.

Scars.

His heart clenched.

He broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to look at her, his voice low but tight. “Nat… who are these from?” His thumb ghosted over one scar as if afraid to touch it too firmly.

Natasha froze, her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes softened. She shook her head gently. “James I don't want to talk about this right now.”

But the guilt gnawed at him instantly, insistent and relentless. He couldn’t let it go. “Nat, just tell me.” His voice cracked more plea than demand.

She cupped his jaw, steadying him with her touch, her eyes meeting his with quiet, painful honesty. “They’re from-” she hesitated.

"They're from the solider."

His stomach dropped.

“What…?” The word barely left him, strangled and broken.

“The Winter Soldier,” Natasha clarified softly, her thumb brushing over his cheek as though she could soothe away the devastation blooming in his chest. “That day in Odessa.”

"And then on the highway."

The air between them shifted. The heat of their kisses was gone, replaced by something heavier, suffocating. His grip on her sides loosened, hands trembling. He turned his head, eyes squeezed shut, shame coursing through him like venom.

“Nat…” His voice cracked, thick with self-loathing. “I—God, I don’t-” He pushed out a breath and shut down, retreating inward as if he could fold himself away from the weight of it all. His chest rose and fell unevenly, as though he couldn’t catch his breath.

Natasha stayed straddling him, refusing to let him retreat completely. “Hey,” she whispered, steady and grounding. “That wasn’t you. Do you hear me? That wasn’t you.”

But he couldn’t look at her. Not yet. Not with the ghosts of his sins carved into her skin.

"Please get off of me." He muttered agonizingly.

"James-"

"I said please get off of me." His voice breaking.

Nat gently climbed off of him and stood next to his bed.

"I'm going to take a shower. Please don't follow me."

Natasha eyes welled not tears of sadness— but tears of concern.

The slam of the door still echoed in his ears. She hadn’t slammed it, not really, but the sound of her footsteps leaving, of her absence, hit harder than any fight ever had.

Bucky staggered into the bathroom, chest tight, stomach twisted. His skin still buzzed where her hands had touched him where she’d held him like he wasn’t a monster.

But that was the lie, wasn’t it?

He twisted the shower handle all the way to hot. Steam rose immediately, curling around him like smoke. He stepped under the spray, and the scalding water hit his back, biting, burning. He welcomed it.

The pain grounded him. It was sharp, real, something he could control. His flesh protested, turning red, but he stood rigid beneath the cascade.

His thoughts screamed.

I put those scars on her.
I put scars on everyone.
I don’t deserve her touch.
I don’t deserve her forgiveness.
I don’t deserve to be here.

The images came back in brutal flashes — the rifle raised, the recoil, the sight of her crumpling in Odessa. Her face twisted in pain because of him. His hands shook as if the gun were still there, still hot, still smoking.

The water stung his eyes, but it wasn’t enough to wash away the images, the guilt. Nothing would be.

He braced both hands against the tile, bowing his head as the water streamed over him, searing his skin. He stayed there, letting the burn crawl deeper into his muscles, daring it to make him feel clean.

But he didn’t. He only felt empty.

“I should’ve been the one to take the bullet,” he muttered under his breath, the words dissolving into the hiss of the water. “Not her. Never her.”

His voice cracked, and his breath shuddered, but he refused to break. He couldn’t. Breaking would mean he wanted comfort, and comfort was something he no longer believed he had a right to.

So he stood there, punishing himself, hoping maybe the heat could cauterize something inside of him; the wound that never healed, the guilt that never faded.

But deep down, he knew it couldn’t.

Natasha had spent the afternoon training with Steve Yelena and Wanda to get her mind off the torturous look on James face.

Please get off me

I said please get off of me

The words echoed like screams in her mind

She dabbed the sweat off of her forehead

"I think I'm gonna head to my room.I need to take a shower"

Yelena and Wanda exchanged a look of suspicion behind Natasha back as she walked out of the room

When Natasha finally got back to her room she noticed the door was Ajar

James?

The thought echoed through her mind

The familiar look of his face never came.

Instead she found a note on her bed.

My Dearest Natalia,

I don’t know how to say this to your face, so I’m writing it down, because if I look at you, I won’t be able to leave.

You’ve given me more than I deserve. Your patience. Your strength. Your love. And I’ve done nothing but hurt you. I see the scars, even the ones you try to hide, and I know they’re mine. No matter how many times you tell me it wasn’t me — that it was him.I can’t separate the two. I carry both. And the weight of that…it’s crushing me.

Being here, being with you, with the team, it feels like I’m stealing a life that doesn’t belong to me. You all fought for the world, and I only ever tore it apart.

I thought I could make peace with it. I thought maybe if I stayed long enough, tried hard enough, I’d start believing what you believe about me. But every time I close my eyes, I see the truth. I see the blood. I hear their screams. I feel the trigger pulling under my hand. And then I see you.

And that’s what breaks me, Nat. Because you’re the one person I could never forgive myself for hurting.

So I’m leaving. Don’t look for me. Don’t waste your strength on someone who isn’t worth it. I don’t know where I’m going, and I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. But I do know this: you deserve better than me. Better than the ghost of a man who can’t stop drowning in his own past.

Thank you for loving me, even when I couldn’t love myself. That’s something I’ll carry with me, no matter where I go.

— Your beloved James

Chapter Text

Tears splattered on the the clutched in her hands.

Hands trembling she threw the now balled up paper aggressively at the wall.

How long has this note been here?

Did Steve get a similar one?

The questions gone unanswered were growing louder than the shouts of rage.

Tears splattered on the note clutched in her hands. Hands trembling, she threw the now balled-up paper aggressively at the wall.

How long had this note been here?
Did Steve get a similar one?

The questions grew louder than the shouts of rage echoing in her head. Natasha’s breathing was ragged, her chest heaving as if she’d just gone ten rounds in a fight she couldn’t win.

Her fists curled so tightly her nails cut into her palms. “Coward,” she hissed into the empty room, her voice breaking on the word.

The slam of hurried footsteps down the hall made her jolt. A knock—too sharp, too urgent to be casual hit her door.

She wiped away her tears before she went to answer the door.

“Nat!” Steve’s voice, breathless. He didn’t wait for her reply. The door swung open and there he was, his face pale, a crumpled note of his own clenched in his hand.

She didn’t have to ask. She saw it in his eyes.

“He left you one too.” It wasn’t a question.

Steve crossed the room in three strides and dropped the letter on her desk, his hands gripping the edge so hard the wood creaked. “Nat, what the hell was he thinking?” His voice cracked, frustration barely disguising the fear underneath.

Natasha swallowed hard, her throat burning. “ I don't know Steve”her voice terse and curt

"He probably thinks were better off without him. Thinks he's protecting us."

“By running?” Steve snapped, pacing the length of her room before turning back toward her. “By leaving us to wonder if he’s even alive tomorrow?”

Her mask broke then, her voice sharper than she meant it to be. “You think I don’t know that, Steve? You think I don’t feel it every time he pushes me away? Every time he looks at me like—like I’m something he doesn’t deserve?”

The silence that followed was heavy, filled only by the sound of Natasha trying not to sob and Steve trying not to break.

Finally, he lowered his voice. “We’re not losing him. Not again.”

Natasha’s eyes flicked to the balled-up paper against the wall, then back to Steve. Her face hardened, jaw set. “Then we find him. Before he destroys himself for good.”

⧗ ✪

Nat stood in front of the distant conference room board.

Across from her sat Steve and Yelena— her feet propped up on the table.

"Okay, so heres what we know.Thanks to the cameras we know that he left approximately three and a half hours before I found the note he left."

"That leaves a pretty wide search radius depending on what mode of transportation he used. Yelena is here because of her added expertise on; don't quote me on this but spy-craft."

Yelena raised her hand in acknowledgment, a half-smirk tugging at her lips. “You’re welcome.”

Steve shot her a look, but Natasha pressed on.

“We need to think like him. James doesn’t run without purpose. If he left, it’s because he thinks he doesn't deserve this” Her voice softened at the last word, and for a moment, she almost faltered. She covered it with a quick inhale and went back to writing on the board.

“Old habits,” Yelena chimed in. “When you’ve spent your life as a ghost, disappearing becomes instinct. He’ll have wiped his trail, ticket purchases, cameras, digital footprints.”

“Which means we focus on the places that mean something to him,” Steve added quietly, eyes shadowed. “Brooklyn. Old Hydra sites. Any place he’s run to before.”

Natasha glanced at him, reading the worry carved into his features, then turned to Yelena. “Can you dig deeper? Not just the obvious routes — but old safehouses, unmarked caches, burner accounts. Anything he might’ve kept hidden.”

Yelena shrugged, finally pulling her feet off the table. “Give me a few hours. He’s good, but I’m better. He won’t stay hidden forever.”

Steve’s jaw tightened. “The problem is, Buck doesn’t want to be found.”

Natasha capped the marker and set it down on the board’s ledge. She stared at her reflection in the glossy surface of the table, her voice low but firm.

"He will."

"We'll convince him."

⧗ ✪

Steve rubbed his temples, staring at the maps and data points scattered across the board. “If he was on foot, he could be anywhere within a fifteen-mile radius by now. Train or bus… that makes it bigger.”

“Or if he stole a car,” Natasha muttered, frustration sharpening her tone.

“Bucky isn’t stupid. He knows we’d track a vehicle,” Yelena interjected, finally dropping her boots from the table and leaning forward. Her voice was calm, the kind of certainty that came with experience. “If it were me, I’d disappear old school. Cash, no paper trail, minimal cameras.”

Steve frowned. “Which means…?”

Yelena smirked faintly. “Which means we stop thinking like Avengers and start thinking like fugitives . Bucky Barnes knows how to vanish I’ve seem his file. You won’t catch him by chasing credit card transactions or CCTV footage. But…” She tapped the table twice with her finger, sharp and confident. “Men like him have patterns. He won’t run to nowhere. He’ll run to something that feels familiar. Something that feels like home.”

Natasha’s jaw tightened, her arms crossing over her chest. “Brooklyn.”

Steve’s chest constricted at the word. He hated how obvious it was — how much sense it made. “That’s where I’d go too, if I wanted to remember who I was.”

Yelena shrugged. “Then that’s your start. You two know him best. I can give you tools, strategies, but at the end of the day tracking someone like Bucky isn’t about evidence. It’s about instinct.”

Natasha nodded, eyes hard but burning with determination. “Then instinct says Brooklyn.”

Steve rose from his chair, resolve settling in his posture. “Then that’s where we’ll go.”

Yelena leaned back again, smirking just enough to hide the faint trace of worry flickering in her eyes. “Good. Just try not to let him see you coming or you’ll scare him further away.”

The room went quiet, the weight of her warning lingering like smoke.

⧗ ✪

James Buchanan Barnes hair was whipping in the wind of the highway. No helmet no sunglasses. Just him, a bike and the road. Bucky Barnes wasn't unfamiliar with a motorcycle, however he was unfamiliar with running away from the people he loved.

He was riding North unsure of where he'd end up when he saw a sign that read Westchester county next exit.

For a moment, he considered blowing past it. But his hands turned the handlebars before he even decided. Something about the name tugged at him ,quieter than Brooklyn, quieter than the city, just… quiet. And quiet was what he thought he wanted.

He pulled off, the hum of the bike echoing against the trees as he followed a two-lane road into a town that felt almost too normal. Families walking their dogs. A coffee shop with chalk signs out front. College kids laughing loudly in a parking lot.

It was the kind of life he couldn’t touch. Not anymore.

Bucky pulled over by the edge of town, parking the bike beneath the shade of a tree. He sat on the curb for a long time, gloves pulled off, hands pressed together like he could pray his demons away. His dog tags clinked softly against his chest with each movement — a reminder, a weight, an anchor he hadn’t cut loose.

He pulled out the small folded notebook he always carried. Not a mission log. Not HYDRA orders. Just his own words, shaky handwriting scrawled in the margins. He flipped to a blank page.

Westchester is quite and unusual. Its just the place I wont be found, just the place I can escape the guilt of the past.

He snapped the book shut, jaw tight, and pushed himself to his feet. The town lights glowed faintly against the night sky, distant and warm. He didn’t step toward them. Instead, he walked the other way —into the dark stretch of trees beyond the road.

Maybe the woods would be quieter. Maybe he could disappear there for a while.

But no matter how far he went, he couldn’t outpace the sound of her voice in his head. James, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here.

And that terrified him.

⧗ ✪

Back at the compound, the conference room was dim, lit only by the soft glow of the screens Steve had pulled up. A map of New York spread across the display, dotted with red pins marking potential routes north.

Natasha stood with her arms crossed, eyes sharp, though Steve could see the tension in her jaw. Yelena was slouched in her chair, tossing a knife casually into the air and catching it again, her version of focus.

“He’s heading north,” Steve said, tracing a line along the map. “Every camera feed we’ve pulled puts him out past the Hudson, riding fast. He’s not trying to cover his tracks, but he’s not heading anywhere obvious either.”

“That’s not like him,” Natasha muttered. Her voice was low, clipped, but Steve knew it wasn’t anger. It was worry, coiled tight in her chest.

Yelena flicked her knife into the table with a soft thunk. “Then he doesn’t know where he’s going. That’s worse. A man running with no destination… it means he’s only thinking about what he’s running from.”

Steve’s hand stilled on the map. He didn’t have to say what they were all thinking.

Natasha finally uncrossed her arms and braced her hands against the table, leaning forward. “We need to find him before he does something reckless. Before he convinces himself he doesn’t have anyone left.”

Her voice cracked, just slightly, at the end. Steve caught it, so did Yelena but neither of them called her on it.

Instead, Steve squared his shoulders. “Then we don’t waste time. We’ll split up routes, cover as much ground as we can. He may not want to be found, but he’s not going to disappear. Not from us."

Clint unexpectedly wandered in unexpectedly his presence was surprising considering he hadn't been seen around the compound in weeks.

"Yelena and I can take one car and Steve and Nat can take the other."

Natasha raised a questioning eyebrow

"What? I need some quality time to get to know my best friends baby sister."

Natasha strode over leaned on the door jam next to Clint.

"You should be at home with cooper."Natasha insisted

Clint dismissive flick of his wrist.

"Oh he's fine."

"plus he's been getting sick of me anyway these past couple weeks."

Natasha smiled and turned her head to Yelena for confirmation that it was fine

Yelena gave a short nod, her expression hard. Natasha just stared at the glowing map.

“Hold on, James,” she whispered, barely audible.

⧗ ✪

The further Bucky pushed into Westchester, the more the glow of the city faded behind him. The highway thinned into quiet back roads, lined with bare trees swaying in the early spring wind. His bike rumbled beneath him, but inside, all he felt was the hollow silence of running with no destination.

Eventually, he pulled off near a stretch of old farmland, where time had long since abandoned the barns and houses. The skeletal remains of wood and rusted tin roofs leaned tiredly against the horizon. He slowed, gravel crunching beneath the wheels, until he came to a stop in front of a weathered farmhouse with boarded-up windows and paint peeled down to splinters.

It wasn’t much but it was empty. Forgotten.

Killing the engine, he sat for a moment, listening to the ticking metal cool beneath him. The air smelled of damp earth and wood rot, but it was quiet. Blessedly quiet.

Bucky swung a leg over the bike and pushed open the crooked door with his shoulder. Inside, dust hung heavy in the air, disturbed by the faint stream of light that cut through a crack in the boards. An overturned chair lay on its side. A broken bottle glinted in the corner. But otherwise — no signs of life.

He dropped his duffel on the floor and exhaled, long and shaky. The walls didn’t judge him. The floor didn’t ask him to stay.

He set his gun down on the counter, then sat against the wall, knees bent, head tipped back. For the first time since leaving the compound, he let the weight of exhaustion settle in.

He needed supplies.

But first he needed to rest.

⧗ ✪

Steve and Natasha were riding in his truck. Steve in his blue jacket, Natasha in her token leather jacket, her bracelets sitting idly on her wrists. Steve's concerned gaze laid upon Natasha as she was staring out the window her feet on the dash.

"You know what I'm gonna tell you right?"

"Yeah yeah yeah take my feet off the dash." Natasha did not obey.

"What's going on?" Steve inquired

"I don't want to talk about it Steve."

Steve stayed quiet acknowledging her request.

The silence awkwardly lingering in the air

"I'm worried about him too."

"It's not that Steve. I'm angry with him."

"Why is that?"

Natasha shifted in her seat, pulling her feet off the dash at last, folding her arms across her chest like the words themselves needed bracing.

“Because he didn’t give me a choice,” she finally admitted, her voice low but tight with heat. “He just… left. Like my feelings didn’t matter. Like I wasn’t strong enough to handle whatever he’s going through.”

Steve kept his eyes on the road, letting her words hang. He knew better than to interrupt her when she was finally being honest.

Her bracelets clinked softly as her hands tightened into fists. “We’ve both been through hell, Steve. He knows that. He knows I understand better than anyone what it’s like to carry that kind of guilt, that kind of… darkness. And instead of trusting me with it, he just decided for me that I’d be better off without him.”

Her breath hitched, and she looked away, blinking hard against the burn in her eyes. “I’ve spent my whole damn life being abandoned, manipulated, controlled. And Bucky-” she broke off, her voice cracking before she pulled herself together, jaw tightening. “Bucky was supposed to be different.”

Steve’s grip on the wheel tightened, his throat working before he finally spoke. “He’s scared, Nat. Scared of what he’s done. Scared of what he might do again. But you’re right… he should’ve trusted you. That’s not fair to you.”

Steve glanced at her, his chest aching at the quiet vulnerability in her voice. “You’re not wrong to be angry. But don’t mistake his leaving for not caring. If anything… it’s because he cares too much.”

Natasha closed her eyes, her jaw tight, her heart warring between fury and grief.

"What are you gonna do when we get him back." Steve asked

Steve’s words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. Natasha exhaled slowly through her nose, her arms crossed tight over her chest as though she could cage in all the emotions threatening to spill out.

When she finally spoke, her voice was low but steady. “When we get him back, I’m gonna yell at him. And then…” She trailed off, her lips quirking just slightly, a rare softness breaking through the storm. “I’m probably gonna kiss him. Because for all his self-loathing and idiocy…” Her eyes flicked to the window, avoiding Steve’s gaze. “He’s a good kisser.”

"But He's going to have to earn my forgiveness before anything else."

"And how is he gonna do that?"

Natasha looked over at Steve and smirked

Steve huffed out something between a laugh and a sigh, shaking his head. “That sounds about right.”

Natasha smirked faintly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The silence that followed wasn’t as sharp this time it was steadier, almost grounding.

⧗ ✪

The windshield wipers squeaked across the glass, smearing the light drizzle into watery streaks. Clint drummed his fingers on the wheel, stealing a glance at the girl in the passenger seat. Yelena sat with her hood up, earbuds dangling around her neck instead of in her ears, staring at the blur of trees whipping by.

“So,” Clint started, his voice deliberately casual, “besides annoying your sister and scaring the hell out of me with knives, what do you do for fun?”

Yelena’s head turned just enough for him to catch the arch of her brow. “Fun?” she repeated, as though the word were foreign.

“Yeah. Movies, books, I don’t know. Something normal.”

She let out a short laugh, shaking her head. “Normal isn’t exactly in the job description.”

“Humor me.”

Yelena leaned back, pretending to think. “I like dogs. Street food. Oh, and reality TV. Very dramatic.” Her lips quirked. “Don’t tell Natasha.”

Clint chuckled. “Your secret’s safe with me.” He gave her a sideways smirk. “Reality TV though? That’s brutal.”

“What? You get to laugh at people making fools of themselves, and no one’s trying to kill you. It’s nice.”

He laughed again, softer this time. “Fair point.”

She studied him then, her expression tilting toward curious. “What about you, old man? What do you do when you’re not, you know, shooting arrows at gods and robots?”

“Farm. Fix things around the house. Teach my kids how to burn pancakes.” He smiled faintly, though there was a quiet longing in it. “Nothing exciting.”

“Sounds boring,” Yelena teased, though her eyes softened. “But… good boring. Safe.”

Clint glanced at her, noting the way her gaze lingered out the window like she was imagining it. He didn’t push, just said, “Maybe one day you’ll get some of that good boring too.”

She snorted, but there was a flicker of something almost wistful in her expression. “Maybe.”

The silence that followed wasn’t heavy this time — it was easy, settling between them like a tentative truce.