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Rumi’s behaviour has been weird lately.
Although it would seem that nothing was wrong to normal people, Mira and Zoey weren’t just normal people. They were her friends, her family, they were innately attuned to her moods and could sense it when something was wrong.
Ever since the disaster at the Idol Awards had ended, Rumi had become much more open with her feelings and emotions, but it still felt like she was keeping something from them. They didn’t want to push her to open up because they could sense that whatever she was keeping within her was hurting her, and recalling it was causing her pain.
At first, they thought that it was the whole thing that went down with Celine, but after the talk with Rumi that night, they were sure that it had something to do with that demon, Jinu.
Zoey and Mira had tried to bring up the topic subtly, but every time Rumi either changed the topic or skirted around it, never addressing it directly.
“One of these days, I’m going to tie her up in our dance studio in the basement and force her to answer my questions.” Zoey let out a frustrated sound at yet another failed attempt at conversation with their leader.
“Kinky but okay.” Mira sipped her coffee as she watched Zoey roll around on the couch.
It was a lazy day for Huntrix, they had just concluded their tour and had a one-week break before their next round of the World tour. Mira was watching a movie, and Zoey was helping Rumi bake cookies.
The youngest had tried to bring up Jinu while they were conversing idly, but Rumi just answered, “Oh, we were just friends… Our goals aligned, or so I thought, so we got along well.” Then she refused to elaborate further and started talking about new songs, which sidetracked Zoey from her mission.
“It’s not kinky, it’s an interrogation!” Zoey threw a pillow at the pinkette, who effortlessly dodged it.
Mira smirked. “Is that so?” Then she continued in a more serious tone. “We just need to wait, Zoey. We can’t do anything if she’s unwilling to talk. Even getting her to speak up about Celine and her nightmares took us such a long time. And she did say she would tell us when she’s ready.”
Zoey sat up and sighed deeply. “When is that going to be? It’s been so many days already!”
Mira patted Zoey’s hand soothingly. “I know, maybe one day soon. For now… let’s just keep an eye on her. We can stage an intervention if it gets worse.”
Zoey nodded reluctantly. Rumi entered the room soon after with a tray of piping hot cookies (which were slightly overdone and had way too many chocolate chips, but tasted good regardless). The conversation faded to the back of their minds as they started chatting about the tour.
Mira hummed “Takedown” as she strolled into their condo after a relaxing evening walk. Zoey was huddled up on the couch, a contemplative look on her face, and her notebook lying beside her as she seemed focused on something.
The pinkette was about to open her mouth to speak, but Zoey put a finger to her lips, telling her to stay quiet. Mira shut her mouth and raised an eyebrow questioningly, to which Zoey pulled her close and whispered in her ears, “Listen closely.”
Mira focused and heard a gentle humming coming from Rumi’s room. Their walls were thin, so it was easy to hear the sounds coming from the others’ rooms.
The girls were used to Rumi practising alone, especially before performances, so she was confused as to why their youngest was telling her to keep quiet, it wasn’t as if it was anything new.
…Or was it?
The song which Rumi hummed wasn’t anything she had ever heard before.
It had a soft melody, and had a very sorrowful and nostalgic feel to it. Rumi’s voice was filled with emotions as she harmoniously sang this song, and from the words, Mira could tell that it was a song of hope, a song that conveyed the message of wanting to break free and overcoming the past.
So why did she sound so mournful while singing it?
The girls waited until Rumi finished the song, and then Zoey gently knocked on her door.
“Hey… Rumi. It’s us, can we come in?”
“Guys? Um…” They heard the apprehension in her voice and waited patiently as she trailed off without saying anything. Just when they were about to call her name again, the door slowly creaked open and Rumi’s head peeked out. She nodded, signalling them to enter her room.
The three girls sat in Rumi’s bed, not saying anything. A scoresheet was lying on the bed, and although Zoey and Mira itched to know what it was about, they contained themselves, waiting for Rumi to collect herself. Although Rumi tried her best to cover up, the tear streaks and the red eyes were clearly visible to the other two.
“Are you okay Rumi?” Zoey grasped one of her hands, concern all over her face. Rumi gave a small smile which didn’t quite reach her eyes, and shrugged her shoulders in a non-committal way.
“I’ll be back in a second.” Mira got up abruptly and went out of her room.
Zoey shifted closer till their shoulders were touching, then gently wrapped her arms around to cocoon Rumi. The violet-haired girl laid her head on Zoey’s shoulder. They sat in silence, the sound of the clock being the only source of noise in the room. Mira entered after a while, carrying a bowl of their freshly baked cookies from the morning and cartons of juice.
“Alright, let’s eat and discuss.” Mira thrust the bowl onto Rumi, who accepted it, and gave the juice boxes to Zoey, who kept them at the bedside table. Then she proceeded to join by sitting empty spot on Rumi’s left, trapping both Zoey and Rumi in a bear hug.
“That was a really beautiful song. But… I haven’t heard of it before, is it new?” Zoey asked, munching on a cookie.
Rumi hummed. “Well… It is kinda new, I guess?”
“Who is the artist?” Mira asked curiously, ready to look it up on her phone.
“Well… if we think of it that way… Jinu and I.” Their leader answered.
“What…. When did that happen?” The black-haired girl tried to keep the surprise out of her voice, but she failed to.
Mira was also perplexed, but then she remembered, Rumi had once told them that she had interacted with Jinu before. “Was it when you met up with Jinu to discuss your plans?” She asked.
The violet-haired girl nodded. “Yeah, it was during one of those times.”
“And this scoresheet?” Zoey asked.
Rumi picked it up and gave it to her. “This was our song.” Her voice sounded clogged up, and her eyes seemed far away, as if she were lost in past memories.
Zoey looked over at the lyrics, which she had heard Rumi sing just some time ago. “Wow… The lyrics… The tune… They’re really good, Rumi.”
Rumi smiled sadly. “Thanks.”
Zoey put down the music sheet, turning to properly look into light brown eyes. “Rumi… Will you tell us what happened between you and Jinu? If you want to, of course, but as your friends…” She glanced softly into her eyes. “And as your family… We would like to know about what’s hurting you, so that maybe… Maybe we can help you. Whatever is hurting you is hurting us as well, and I hate to see you in pain. So… Please, talk to us?”
Mira nodded, slowly letting go of her bear hug and clasping Rumi’s hand in a comforting “We’re here for you” gesture.
Rumi inhaled deeply, overwhelmed with the love she received from her friend- no, her family. “The first time was during the fight we had at the bathhouse. My dress was torn, and my patterns were showing. I was afraid.” Her voice cracked at the last word. “Afraid to see what expression you guys would make if you saw my patterns. Jinu saw it, and he covered it with some cloth.”
Zoey blinked. “That was… Unexpectedly nice of him.” Mira had a skeptical look on her face, but she didn’t say anything.
The eldest continued. “After that… He sent me a letter, and we met up. I tried to kill him, but he kept slipping away. And then we talked about Gwi-ma. He told me how Gwi-ma used shame and fear to control all the demons, and told me about his past. That… Caught me off guard. It made me question whether all demons were truly evil, or whether they were just doing what they had to do because of Gwi-ma’s orders. We met up a few times, and the more I understood him… The more I felt myself being… Attracted to him. He understood the real me, and that was the first time I didn’t have to cover up around someone.”
Rumi took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. She didn’t know when she had closed them. Maybe… even now, she was afraid of how her friends would react. She dared to glance into their eyes, and saw nothing but pure acceptance and support. It gave her the courage to speak up again. “All my life, Celine made me believe that until and unless I hid my patterns, no one would accept me, no one would love me the way I was. I… didn’t want to lose you guys, that’s why I kept it a secret for so long. I’m sorry…”
She trailed off, a lonely tear escaping her eye. A hand brushed against her cheek, wiping off the tear. It was Mira. “You don’t have to apologize to us, Rumi. We understand that… You were afraid of showing us your patterns because of how Celine conditioned that belief into you that you had to hide in order to be accepted. It is not your fault. Yes, it hurt you, but… We understand. I… am also sorry for the way I behaved when I found out.”
Rumi opened her mouth to protest, but Zoey shushed her. “I agree with what Mira said, Rumi. I’m sorry too, and no matter how many times you tell us that we don’t need to apologize, it’s not going to work, because if you feel guilty about not telling us the truth, we too feel guilty about how we reacted when we found out. Sooo… Forgive and forget? I know it’ll take time, but we three can’t keep regretting what we did in the past, right?” Zoey smiled at them.
Mira and Rumi smiled back, and Rumi pulled her in a chokehold. “Why is our maknae growing up so fast, huh? Such big words.” She laughed lightly as Zoey struggled to escape, failing miserably. Mira watched them with a fond smile, reaching over to ruffle Zoey’s hair as well.
“Guys! I’m not that young, stop treating me like a kid!” She pouted, but her smile portrayed the opposite.
“Alright, back to serious conversation now,” Mira said after they teased their youngest for a while, and Rumi nodded, her mood lighter than before.
She bit into a cookie and spoke up. “This song was… Somewhat of a way to try to convince him to join our side. I told him that if he stayed on the other side when the Honmoon would be sealed, then he could stay alive and not with the other demons. I thought he believed it, he even told me he would help to make sure that the Saja Boys would lose tomorrow. Then, during the Idol Awards, when the demons took over the stage and after everything went down, I tried to find Jinu.”
She could feel both of them tense up, their hands clasping hers tightly. “He told me that he couldn’t be fixed, that nothing could be fixed. And… I think I kinda lost it at that point. He crushed my hope and spirit, and even you guys were shocked and had… Deserted me. I felt so unbearably lonely… I went to Celine…. And told her to… Do what she should’ve done a long time ago, to kill me, before I destroyed everything I swore to protect.” Tears trickled down her face, though she tried her best to control them.
Zoey’s grasp went slack, and she covered her mouth with her hands, horror and pain written plainly on her face. She could’ve lost her friend that night. She could’ve lost Rumi that night.
Mira's hands were trembling minutely, and she tried to take deep breaths as she took in the implications of what Rumi just said. She asked quietly, her heart beating loudly. “Do… Do you still feel that way, Rumi? Do you still… Feel like you shouldn’t be alive?” She looked into the misty brown eyes.
Mira slowly dabbed Rumi’s eyes as she waited for her friend to speak up, controlling her own horror and tears. Zoey had tried her best to stop crying, and her sobs were now reduced to quiet sniffles as she waited for Rumi to say something, anything… To say that she didn’t feel that way now.
Their hearts broke when they heard Rumi say, “Not really… But when I have these nightmares… Sometimes, it just feels like… What if I just died? Would it have been better? But yeah… I’m doing much better now.”
“Rumi… You know what it is, right?” Mira’s hands shook. She didn’t want to lose another friend to suicide, she wouldn’t be able to take it. “You remember the story I told you about my friend, right?”
Rumi’s eyes widened. “No no, I swear, I’m not… It’s not like that, seriously, Mira.”
“You’d tell us if it was ever like that… Right?” Zoey’s eyes looked pleadingly at her.
“Of course. No more secrets, right? I’ve hidden enough from you guys. No more hiding.” Rumi promised, grabbing them by their shoulders and pulling them into a side hug.
“No more hiding.” Mira and Zoey agreed.
Rumi waited for the sniffles to die down on both sides and collected herself as well. The three of them sipped orange juice in the dark room as they digested everything that went down that night.
“And then?” Mira prompted, asking Rumi to finish her recollection of that night. It might’ve been insensitive, but she didn’t want Rumi to pile it up for another time. She just wanted to get it over with, so that Rumi won’t have to talk about it a second time. She could see the toll it took on her friend and refused to do it again.
“I sang our new song… And you guys joined in as well. Then, when we were battling Gwi-ma, I could feel myself getting overpowered by him, but suddenly, Jinu stepped in. He helped me fend off Gwi-ma… He… sacrificed himself to save me.”
“Oh Rumi…” Zoey took the glass from her trembling hands, looking at her with a sympathetic expression.
Mira looked grim. “Well… I guess he loved you enough not to want to see you die. You did all that you could, Rumi. He wanted to protect you, it wasn’t your fault that he died.”
“I didn’t want him to die for me,” Rumi said vehemently.
“It’s not really your choice, Rumi. I’m sure that even if you tried to do things differently, it would still end the same. He… he wanted to atone for his mistakes, and… I know that’s not the best way, but I’m kinda glad that he protected you. I’m grateful for him, because he saved your life, Rumi.” She touched her face softly.
“I wish he were alive, Mira. I told him that I would save him…” Rumi’s expression crumpled.
Zoey smiled sadly. “You did save him, Rumi. In the end, you saved his humanity. I can see in these lyrics how much you helped him rediscover himself. You have him hope, Rumi, that is the… Biggest thing you can give to save someone.”
She pointed towards the lyrics, which read, ‘And you're waking up all these parts of me, that I thought were buried for good.’
“I miss him so much, guys…” She whispered sadly, holding the score sheet delicately.
“We understand, Rumi… You really loved him, didn’t you?” The pinkette asked softly.
Zoey smiled. “That is so cute! Now I can totally see why the Rujinu shippers thought you guys had chemistry.”
“I don’t think he ever liked me back though…” Rumi trailed off.
Mira rolled her eyes. “Girl please, he was absolutely smitten.”
Zoey nodded eagerly. “Yeah. He changed himself for you, and in the end he saved you cuz he loved you.”
Rumi buried her face in Mira’s shoulders and whispered brokenly. “But he’s not coming back.”
Mira held her. “You set him Free. He’s… In a happier place now. And I know it hurts now, but… it’ll get better, I promise.”
“Really?” Rumi asked disbelievingly.
“I’m not asking you to move on, Rumi. Just… Move forward, one step at a time. Then one day...” Mira hugged her gently. “One day you’ll remember him without feeling the grief.”
Zoey shuffled till she was in front of them and then wrapped her arms around them, forming a circle. “We’ll be there with you every step of the way, Rumi.”
“I love you guys so much.” Rumi thought her tears were all used up, but she could still feel warm tears trickling down. The two girls echoed her sentiment.
Rumi’s heart was bursting with grief and affection, such contradictory feelings residing together. Grief over Jinu’s death, the death of her first love… and affection at the undying support and comfort given by her family, her friends who held her and didn’t let her go.
As the night trickled into dawn, the three girls were found huddled up in Rumi’s room, sleeping peacefully. Mira had an arm thrown up on Rumi’s waist, and Zoey was practically glued to Rumi, trapping both Mira and Rumi with her arm. Rumi snored softly, her hand on Zoey’s body and leg thrown up on Mira, sleeping like a starfish. Their eyes were puffy and their cheeks were tearstained, but they had a small smile on their faces, as if having a nice dream.
It would take time, but the girls would be fine.