Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rumi hadn’t laid down.  It was late, and no matter how many times she’d checked her phone silently for the past little while, she ended up sitting in the dark.

Only ten at night, and yet she was anything but okay.

It had maybe been a week or two since Rumi had broken down and had to come clean to her lovers about her depressive thoughts.  And since then, they hadn’t acted very differently.  They wanted her to feel normal, not like they were constantly worrying and fretting over her with every little thing.  Secretly, though, they were.  Trying to keep it inconspicuous, but every time Rumi went off on her own for too long on the usual?

They’d be fighting the urge to find an excuse to go and check up on her.  They thought that they were doing well, and to an extent they were.  But no matter how hard Rumi tried, she couldn’t feel the way she knew they wanted her to.  She couldn’t feel normal.

Rumi tried and tried, but it felt like the more she tried to be her normal self?  The more it felt like something was trying to drag her under.  Something strong and overbearing, like she was fighting a hopeless battle, reaching out and trying to swim to the top.  Only for the darkness to just keep rising and swarming her until she lost all sense of her present mind.  Filling her senses, drowning into her thoughts, closing her throat— she swore it was in her eyes, that she could taste the blood she’d wanted to spill every second she was left alone.

Maybe because right now.. she was alone.

Rumi was sitting on the floor by her bed, back pressed to the frame of it as she hugged in her knees.  She knew she shouldn’t stay there all on her own.  She knew that the second she started feeling this way, suffocating in the pain that gathered in her chest, she shouldn’t have even tried to stay here.  Despite her voice of reason, however, Rumi just couldn’t bring herself to leave, she knew Mira wouldn’t be there either to help ground her.  So instead, she sat awake, staring blankly at the floor in front of her.  Every extra second she stayed here, the more she felt herself drowning in her thoughts.

Maybe it was better that way, the loudest one insisted so.  Rumi didn’t want to get better.

Whenever she was at her worst, any thought that she wanted to get better seemed to evaporate into thin air.  Mira wasn’t home and wasn’t meant to be for a day or so, out with Bobby at some sort of expo.  She wouldn’t know if anything happened, if Rumi gave in to the thoughts.  If she finally ended it herself.  It could end with her, maybe then she wouldn’t be here.  Alone.

Drowning.

Rumi felt sick with emotion, but when she’d squeezed her arm, she’d gasped and jolted in quick reaction to a burning feeling she felt.  It started along her chest and then a sharp pain split up her arm, Rumi’s eyes hurriedly flitting down.  Her nails had sharpened into claws, sinking with ease into her forearm like butter and leaving a bloody trail behind.  Her patterns were maybe what scared her the most.  Pain.  It was unfamiliar by now, so long since they’d turned almost entirely white.  Since she’d embraced herself.  And now, that burning pink had sunk into her skin, spreading painfully right before her eyes.

The color broke her.

Rumi’s eyes flooded over with tears when she’d let it process, lip quivering as she’d sunk in on herself and held her body close.  She couldn’t stay afloat, she was back where she’d started.  What did her girlfriends do to deserve to be stuck with her?  They shouldn’t have to be pulled under with her…

She could make it all stop.

Rumi’s breaths were heavier as she fought back the sob that wanted to force itself out of her, refusing to let it out.  She’d decided.  She should end it all.  To make sure they didn’t get trapped under the surface trying to hold her by the hands, telling her everything was okay when it just wasn’t.

Ding!

Rumi glanced over as her phone screen lit up in the dark of her room.  She stared for a few seconds, sniffling as she slowly unfurled from her protective ball to reach for it.  Just seeing the familiar contact light the screen, her eyes stung with the tears that jerked to her eyes.  Zoey, and soon a second text filtered in close behind.  She stared for a moment, but caved to type in her password.  And opening her messages, she almost felt sick.

Of course Zoey would have this timing.

Zoey💛: Hiii I know your probably sleeping

Zoey💛: even if miras not here maybe youd wanna come over? beds empty and missing you❤️‍🩹

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Rumi’s laugh was more sad than anything else, especially when the third message was just a pouty selfie of Zoey showing her very empty bed, sitting on the very back corner just to make it seem more dramatic than it was.  It hurt knowing just what she was planning, that Zoey was so unaware and wanting her.  That she had no clue just what was going on in Rumi’s head right now and just wanted her girlfriend’s love.

Her attention.

Rumi🤍: I don’t think that’s a good idea tonight Zo

Rumi expected it to go silent after that, leaving it there without anything extra to say.  She went to place her phone down the second she’d switched it back off— only to hear the ding again before she even could let it go.  Zoey had seen that text, and she knew Rumi too well for that.  If she was doing okay?  That would not have been her response.  Rumi didn’t let her be alone often when she came looking for it, just out of love for one another’s company.

Zoey💛: why? What’s up?

Zoey💛: is it a scary night baby? Is that it

It was basically their codeword for a night just like this one, so that it didn’t make her feel even half as vulnerable admitting the specifics.  A night where the thoughts got so loud that Rumi couldn’t see through it clearly enough to even think about what she was doing.  Rumi stared at the text longer than she’d like to admit she did, tears falling onto her phone screen with such a sick feeling settling in her aching chest.

She should lie.

Zoey shouldn’t have to suffer with the thoughts that went on in Rumi’s head, a storm tossing her more and more into the grip of the shadows, the burden she was sinking her down.  Everything she was thinking or feeling, it all felt too much to express.  Lying was so easy, and yet faced with Zoey’s concern, she could imagine her lover’s reaction to what she had been planning here in the dark.  Finding Rumi slumped dead on the floor, patterns finally dull and not glowing with life.  Finally unburdened, but what kind of burden would that be to Zoey?  To have to look Mira in the eyes when she came home the next day, and tell her that she couldn’t save the woman they both loved.

Rumi felt frustrated the second the thoughts collided in her head, sobbing and choking it back with a hiccup as she forced her thumbs across the screen.

Rumi🤍: ii dont’knw

The text was more pathetic than she’d meant it to be, tears clouding her vision and sliding her fingers across the keyboard on nothing but muscle memory.  Rumi was fighting everything to not throw her phone and start breaking down just seeing her own reflection in her dark phone screen.  The golden reflection of her slitted eyes staring back at her, swarmed with tears and the painful pink marks that adorned her skin.

She was broken, wasn’t she?

Jagged edges showing in every corner of her reflection, now matter how dark the rest of the room was, it was the only thing that seemed crystal clear through the haze of her tears.  Rumi didn’t want to see when Zoey’s next text came up at the bottom of her screen, but when it did?  She found herself shakily forcing herself to her feet despite her own will to stay and lose herself to her own mentality.

Zoey💛: Come over

Zoey hadn't been asking that time.

When it hadn’t come out as a for sure no, or any other comforting phrase Rumi usually did when she was fine and just needed some alone time, Zoey had so many alarms set off in her mind.  This wasn’t a time Zoey was happy to let her be alone, instantly thrown into a bit of a nervous panic and sitting up against her headboard with a frown.  She saw the read receipt under her message, biting her lip and tapping the side of her phone impatiently with her nail.  Waiting felt insufferable, glancing to the wall that separated hers and Rumi’s room.  She couldn’t hear any movement, having half the mind to get up and join her girlfriend herself.

Until Zoey heard her door handle move, her eyes shooting over as it had slowly been pressed open with a gentle hand.  Zoey couldn’t hide the fear that hit her full force at the sight of her lover standing there in her doorway.  Just being in one of her sleeveless crop tops and loose pajama pants, every single pattern was made clear as day.  And that pink was not her usual color anymore, her eyes being so full of tears that it made it hard to even see the golden glow behind them.  It hurt Zoey to see.

“Oh, honey..-” The endearing nickname slipped with ease off her tongue, seeing how small Rumi held herself, shaking so hard visually the second Zoey had shown care towards her.

Any chance of Rumi holding herself together without crumbling?  It was gone the second Zoey had thrown her blankets aside and off of her legs, outstretching her arms so readily for Rumi the second she’d seen her waver.  Rumi’s legs carried her across the floor with a mind of their own, lip wobbling as she had to crawl that small bit over the mattress.  She collapsed right into those waiting arms, Zoey rushing to take her into them and squeeze her tight.

Rumi had broken into sobs in an instant, her face burying itself into Zoey’s neck as the back of her head was cupped in to keep her as close as possible to Zoey’s chest.  Zoey wasn’t letting her go the second she’d clung onto her.  Her own fear right now?  Instant. “I’m here.. I’m here baby, oh, I know..”

Rumi couldn’t handle it alone.  She’d made it clear the night they’d found her silent on the couch, but tonight it was all too obvious.  Zoey felt Rumi’s hands rushing to hold onto her in any way possible, at first gripping at Zoey’s white t-shirt a bit helplessly until they’d balled themselves in the fabric.  She didn’t need to say anything, Zoey wasn’t forcing her to at all, consoling her through the sobs that shook Rumi’s body with each passing breath.  Rumi was so impossibly mad at herself.

For wanting to do it, for not doing it, no one answer was going without her breaking down, eating her alive.

“Don’t let me go…” Rumi sounded afraid.  So genuinely afraid, that it shook Zoey to the core as she tightened her hold on Rumi in reflex to the desperate plea.  It was just them.. Zoey had to do this, she had to be strong for the both of them.  But goddamn it, she was petrified, blinking back the tears in her eyes and cradling her lover gently.

“I’m not..  I promise, look I’m right here.  I’m going to..—” Zoey had to take a quick breath, refusing to be the one to break down when Rumi needed her so very badly.  But the tears fell silent down her own face, chest squeezing tight in reaction to her lover’s fragile state. “I’m going to stay, and you’re going to spend tonight right here with me.  Okay?  No one’s going anywhere, you’re right here with me…”

Rumi felt when Zoey had to quickly gasp in a breath to stop herself from crying right along with her.  Rumi’s heart squeezed, knowing just what she was doing to her lover hitting her hard. “I’m sorry-.. I.. I’m so sorry…” It was the one night it was only up to Zoey to handle it, and she had to crack tonight.  Knowing how sensitive Zoey was, and leaving her to be the one to be strong?

Rumi wasn’t dealing with that well right now, even when Zoey hushed her quickly, tilting her head to the side and watching her lover with a growing concern. “Hey, no no!  You don’t need to apologize.  You came to me, even if you didn’t want to.  I’m so proud of you…”

“I almost.. Zoey, I..” The words were dying in Rumi’s throat as she stared oat Zoey’s shirt.  She couldn’t lift her head, voice breaking as she sniffled and tried to give up in trying to tell her.  Zoey had gently moved to cup her face as she always did, however.  She didn’t like the sound of that start, slowly turning Rumi’s head to look up at her with a concerned frown rising to her face.

“You what?  Did you hurt yourself?” Rumi’s response had only been a broken sob, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut.  Zoey hated it, she felt so afraid, her thumb caressing her lover’s cheek as Rumi had tried to hide her face into her palm without a response. “Baby, you gotta talk to me…  Don’t shut me out, Rumi, please.” Zoey didn’t care how afraid she was, her worry tearing her apart as she kept coaxing Rumi to give her a real answer through her crying.

Rumi didn’t know how she could dump this on her, guilt swamping her pained heart as she tried to find her words.  She couldn’t look Zoey in the eyes when her eyes had opened the smallest bit, focused more on the blurry sight of Zoey’s hand that never left her cheek.

“I almost did it.”

Zoey didn’t think she could be phased any more than she already was, but her face had fallen and struck with frozen horror the same second.  She didn’t know if she wanted emphasis, almost forgetting to breathe as she stared back at her lover. “It.. you mean you almost—” Zoey cut herself off, drawing in a sharp breath and shaking her head, sick to her stomach.  Rumi’s sad eyes had turned up to hers finally.  One look, and she didn’t need to ask any more, Zoey choking back a sob as she hurriedly moved to cup Rumi’s face in both hands.  A desperate motion to keep Rumi’s eyes on her. “No.. oh baby no— why didn’t you come to me?  I.. I could’ve..—” God, she could have done something.  Anything to help her.

“I don’t know.. Zoey I— I really thought I could handle it, I’ve done it before.. but—” Rumi was so desperate to try and not make her lover cry, and yet Zoey couldn't keep her face anything but desperate.  Not just to understand, but to find a way to help.

“Handle it.. so you’ve gotten this bad before?” Zoey’s eyes were nearly as glassy as Rumi’s were, being as patient as she could force herself to when Rumi nodded into her hands, not breaking that eye contact Zoey clearly didn’t want to break. “When?”

Rumi felt as Zoey had never once stopped wiping away her tears, just lovingly rubbing her cheeks despite the fact they were both anything but okay.  Rumi was her concern, but she didn’t expect the answer she got. “Celine.” Zoey seemed almost angry at the name drop, but she didn’t have to ask more.  Rumi found it in her to finish her answer. “Before you found me.. when I ran away from you both— I begged her to kill me.. I just— I bounced back so fast when you two showed up..  And I guess I thought I could handle it myself and maybe it wouldn’t be so hard…” Rumi felt the waver in her own voice, more and more frustrated that she couldn’t keep a straight face and explain.

“But it’s so hard, Zoey.. it’s not the same no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking—!” They weren’t there, Rumi didn’t have them to turn to.  When in actuality, that might have been the only thing that worked to drag her out of that mindset.

Zoey pulled Rumi in so fast, squeezing her almost as tight as she did Mira.  Zoey couldn’t let her go, not without Rumi seeing just how hard she was crying the second she’d admitted it.  The fact that if she and Mira had moved faster, that they could have known this whole time and saved Rumi this pain.

She needed them, she needed them this whole time and it took them so long to realize.

Zoey’s breathing was ragged, holding Rumi impossibly close to her and just letting Rumi cry it out into her arms.  Zoey stared at the opposite wall as tears ran down her face, biting her lip to keep it still as she tucked Rumi’s head under her chin.

“I love you.” Zoey whispered it so softly, feeling how Rumi trembled in her arms, and not finding it in her to be able to let her go. “Hold on for me..  Hug me as tight as you can, talk to me, anything.  I know it’s not perfect but…-”

Zoey didn’t know what else to do.  Everything felt so much, even for her.  She didn’t want to imagine what it was like for Rumi, if just hearing about it scared her to death.

But Rumi listened.

She squeezed her hands into Zoey’s shirt, and she just cried.  She cried as hard as she possibly could into Zoey’s arms like they were the only thing keeping her from the thoughts that were relentless on her mind.  She’d never felt more scared in her life before, and it showed in every way.  But all Zoey could do was let her, console her gently, listen to her cry about how afraid she was.

But no matter how many times she tried to pull away?

Zoey wouldn’t let her.  She hugged Rumi so tightly, in her mind so afraid that if she let go, she wouldn’t see Rumi make it to the next day.

Rumi had ended up falling asleep after an hour or so had passed by, her patterns never fading back white even as she’d passed out in Zoey’s arms.  It took some time for her to move when Rumi had finally relaxed her body on hers, breathing slowly evening out and deepening as she had drifted off.   Zoey had been so gentle in moving Rumi off of her, laying her lover slowly over in her bed.  Her eyes lingered on Rumi’s face, frowning as she tucked the blankets in around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her lover’s head.

But Zoey didn’t lay back down.  She couldn’t, she couldn’t sleep, not after that.  Instead, she stood up and reached for her phone off of her bedside where she’d let it fall, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Rumi didn’t wake up from her getting up.  Finding she hadn’t… Zoey went out of the bedroom, carefully closing the door behind her.

She’d never called Mira this late before, drawing in a few slow breaths as she held her phone to her cheek.  Zoey was willing her to still be awake, pacing back and forth before she pressed her back to the wall.  And then she heard the ringing stop, and Mira’s voice in her ear. “Zoey?  It’s.. pretty late for you to be up.”

Mira wasn’t used to Zoey being their night owl, a bit thrown off when she’d seen her contact be the one calling.  Zoey had thought she’d handle it better, swallowing with struggle as she stared down. “Do um.. do you have a minute?  I really.. really need you right now, but I know you and Bobby are probably super busy.”

Mira didn’t like how she could tell there were tears coming to her lover’s eyes, just able to hear it with how her voice wavered.  And she’d stood up so very fast, Bobby across the table from her and looking concerned at how uneasy she seemed. “Sorry, Bobby, I really need to take this.” Zoey could hear him in the background, insisting the girls take their time.  It wasn’t like them.

Usually if it was them just calling to check in, the girls always said hi to him and they took the call right there.

Mira had taken a second to actually step around the corner, frowning to herself. “Alright, take a breath.  Tell me what’s going on.”

Zoey laughed weakly, sniffling as she wiped her tears with her arm.  Collecting herself was failing, and no joy could be found to serve as any comfort right now. “Rumi had a really bad night.  Mira, I really don’t know if I helped at all.” Zoey was anything but happy with herself, hiccuping softly as she struggled to not break down crying, holding her phone close as she glanced to the side at the door to her room.

Their poor baby…

Mira took a slow breath, forcing herself calm as she shut her eyes.  Trying to not freak herself out. “Okay.  How bad is it?  And are you both okay?”

Zoey shook her head on reflex, even if Mira couldn’t see it.  She wasn’t holding herself together, finally slipping into a sob. “I’m not.. she’s not— she almost killed herself.  And she said it wasn’t the first time when I asked, that she’d asked Celine to kill her.  I froze..” Zoey pressed her palm into her one eye, legs wobbling a bit as she put her almost her entire weight onto the wall behind her. “I froze, and I couldn’t help her…  I couldn’t figure out what else to say, I tried so hard but—” Her heart had broken hearing her lover in such deep pain, and she’d lost her focus, left sobbing just outside of her room and trying to cover it up to not be loud and wake their suffering lover.  It only made it harder to breathe, half hyperventilating as she forced it quiet.

They had almost lost Rumi twice now, and that had been the only thing her mind could focus on since she’d said it to her.

But Mira couldn’t blame her.  Not when she’d tensed herself, eyes widening.  They’d been avoiding Celine ever since they’d destroyed the last Honmoon, so of course she hadn’t been able to tell them anything about that.  But none of that made this any easier to hear, eyes softening with concern.

She knew she should have stayed, cursing under her breath. “Zoey.. you need to breathe with me.” Mira had to guide her a bit, her breaths a bit forced to be audible through the call.  Zoey didn’t follow it at first, but she focused after a few long moments.  Mira had never hated being so far from them before, a wreck trying to figure out how to help over a call.

“I’m sorry.. I know you have so much to do, and I tried so hard not to call you—” Zoey sniffled, sliding down the wall and sitting on the ground as she just cried her heart out. “Mira, I need you so bad..”

Mira’s heart tugged.  She felt it, and in an instant she’d made up her mind.  There was no way she was sleeping soundly in this hotel after a phone call like this, not knowing Zoey couldn’t deal with it herself. “I’m on my way.  Do you want to stay on call?  Bobby can have our driver here in a few minutes, but it might take a bit before we get there.”

Zoey let her eyes shut, resting her head forward against her knees as guilt hugged her heart.  She couldn’t understand how Mira could handle it all on her own, when trying to do it herself left her feeling so bad. “Please.. I don’t wanna leave her alone.  I’m really scared for her, I just…” 

“I know..  I know, and that’s okay.  I’ll be right there, I promise.” Mira was already rushing for her coat and calling out to Bobby to call the driver.  To say she was rushing them was an understatement.  She had to get back home, and now.

Zoey waited that whole time, keeping the phone to her ear and listening to everything going on on Mira’s side to keep herself from crying her eyes out.  When Mira finally hung up around one in the morning, her eyes moved to the door almost instantly.  And sure enough, Mira came through a few seconds later, having run down the hall the rest of the way from the elevator.  But laying eyes on Zoey when she’d thrown it open, she’d relaxed the smallest bit, hurriedly kicking off her shoes and shutting it behind her.  Mira was right to holding her arms out and getting down on Zoey’s level when she’d crossed to her side, eyes soft with concern to see her there of all places.

“Come here..”

Zoey heard how familiar it was to what she’d texted Rumi, and instantly— any composure she’d gathered in the past hour was gone, and she’d leaned forward to get onto her feet and jumped into Mira’s arms.  Mira caught her with ease, sighing and squeezing Zoey in with loving precision. “There we go… you haven’t slept at all, have you?”

Zoey shook her head into the hug instantly, denying so fast.  She hadn’t been able to try, her mind so stuck on Rumi needing her— that the thought of falling asleep and leaving her to deal with her thoughts had kept her awake.

Mira rubbed Zoey’s back with a flattened hand, resting her head against hers and lifting her up from the ground. “Okay.. let’s get you to bed.  She’s in your room?” Zoey had nodded into Mira’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her lover’s neck.  Mira pressed a kiss to Zoey’s cheek, a silent comfort before carrying her into the room quietly.

Mira’s eyes lingered on Rumi’s form, all curled up under the covers despite the painful colors that coursed through her demon patterns.  As much as it surprised her, she didn’t react much visually, whispering to Zoey under her breath. “You did great.. I promise.  But now, let’s get you to sleep too.”

Zoey looked up worriedly as she was placed on the edge of her mattress, hesitating as she glanced back towards Rumi. “But.. what if she wakes up?”

Mira smiled slightly, tilting her head to the side as she rubbed Zoey’s arm. “We’ll know.  For once, I’m happy you have your bed shoved in the corner.  If she wakes up, I promise we’ll notice.  You get in the middle for tonight, okay?” 

Zoey had no choice, really, nodding half-heartedly as she moved the covers aside and slid under them.  Her hands had wrapped around Rumi’s waist on instinct, sighing and breathing in slowly.  The soft scent of Rumi’s perfume, still not washed off from the day they’d had.  Too tired to have had a bath after everything, not that she could be blamed, but it was a pleasant reminder that Rumi was still right there with her, eyes falling shut.

Mira had just thrown her coat off carelessly to the ground somewhere, not even watching where it fell before she was right in behind them both.  Zoey had a small smile rising to her face when Mira’s arms had taken them both into them, fitting into bed with ease and keeping them both close.  After tonight?  She needed the closeness.

“Thank you for coming.. even if you probably didn’t need to.”

Mira rested her head over Zoey’s shoulder, rubbing a hand over her hip for a second.  She didn’t want Zoey to think she’d just dropped everything for no reason, not accepting it. “I did need to.  And I’m glad you called..  I’m here for you too, okay?”

They were both there for Rumi, and they were there for each other too.

“Okay..”

Chapter Text

Rumi had already woken up later than she’d meant to.  Her breaths came deep, and fell with exhaustion as she just kept letting her eyes remain shut each time she’d find herself awake again.  She didn’t want to open them and face reality just yet, that was what her mind said with each passing attempt her body gave to wake up.  Every time, she’d just kept curling more in on herself, forcing herself back into what she felt like was an eternal sleep at the rate she was going. 

An endless cycle of feeling awake, and forcing herself to drift back off out of denial that it was time to face the world again

Tired of swimming, and just letting herself float as long as possible before the next inevitable struggle came to take her back under.

It was peaceful, an escape, and yet she didn’t feel the dread she expected to when a gentle hand had smoothed slowly up her hip as the mattress dipped behind her.  Rumi shuddered slightly, but instead of nestling into the pillow, she’d only sunk back into the arms that were finding their way around her waist ever-so-gently.  Afraid to move fast, almost, trying to find themselves a hold before she fully woke.  Rumi let out a slow breath, her eyes fluttering for a second but remaining shut.  She wasn’t ready, not just yet…

But the contact was soothing.

Rumi felt a head come up over her shoulder, pressing gentle kisses along the bottom of  her jaw that finally had Rumi shuffling a bit more in place.  Her head tilted back more, and a little to the side to give more access to it, and she felt the smile that pressed into the crook of her neck and the movement.  Rumi was caught, awake. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” Zoey couldn’t hide the amused lilt that rose in her tone, relieved to actually see Rumi moving as she’d crawled back into bed with her and snuggled into her back.

Rumi’s hands had found themselves resting loosely over Zoey’s, trying to bask in her affections as she sighed and forced herself to not go back to sleep.  Exhausted, and yet wide awake all at the same time.  She hated feeling this way, but not being forced to get up even when she knew she’d slept in?

It made it the slightest bit easier on her.

“Morning…” Rumi didn’t feel too well, Zoey could tell that much the second she’d spoken.  It was lower and less enthusiastic than she’d meant it to be.  Not that Zoey reacted to it much, she was being patient and giving her the attention she knew her lover needed right now, holding Rumi in against her a little more.

Zoey was already more calm than the night before, knowing this was something she could do with ease.  It didn’t leave her feeling so helpless, laying there with Rumi tucked safely into her arms. “Did you sleep okay?” Gently coaxing her to speak a little more, Zoey couldn’t help it.  Hearing Rumi’s voice was soothing her own mind from the previous night.

Maybe Rumi wasn’t exactly excited to wake up, but her voice was enough to make Zoey relax a bit more each time she heard it.  She was alive, after all… “I think so, I’m just— tired…” With Rumi’s current mental state, her answer didn't come as much of a surprise.  Zoey’s expression softened even still, sighing and kissing Rumi’s cheek with a soft hum in a quiet response.

“I know baby…” Rumi knew she was lucky to have either one of her girlfriends, especially with how patient they were when she had admitted just how much she was struggling.  She knew she didn’t deserve them, she really did.  And yet she didn’t voice it, laying there and accepting the gentle love that was given to her as she laid still.

“Would you maybe want to get up yet?  I know you’re tired, and you absolutely don’t have to yet if you don’t want to, I promise.” Zoey felt the need to insist so, seeing how Rumi had faltered her gentle grip over her hands just for a second with only one question.  She didn’t have much strength in her.

Rumi didn’t want to leave this bed at all.  It was comfortable, and she hoped to keep the thoughts away longer by sleeping.  She wasn’t just exhausted physically, but mentally from always knowing each day would be another fight against her mind.  Her voice came hesitant, but also guilty. “Could we just.. lay here a little longer?  Please..?”

And Zoey couldn’t find it in her to ever deny a request spoken like that, smiling slowly with a soft laugh leaving her.  Rumi was lucky she was so cute to her, because it had gone right for Zoey’s heart in the pitiful tone that drawled out from her tired lips. “Of course we can.. we can take as much time as you need.”

Rumi wasn’t ready, but they could wait for her.  They’d always wait for her, as long as she needed them to.

Rumi had laid still only for a few minutes more, before Zoey had blinked and loosened her hold.  She could feel as her lover shifted around in her grip more than usual, her muscles starting to twist.  Zoey’s eyes shot open wide as Rumi had twisted her tired body all at once, right on over to face her with a huff of effort.  It was more work than she’d thought it would be, and yet when Zoey found her hands moving up to Rumi’s arms?  Rumi felt it was all worth it, relaxing slowly as Zoey found her new grip with a gentling smile.

Rumi’s eyes were still shining their golden shade from the night before as they’d found Zoey’s, but her pupils had dilated slowly when she’d made eye contact. “Well, hello there..” Zoey trailed off in a soft giggle, her eyes softening with the endearing smile that held to her lips.  Even at her worst, Rumi always found a way to steal her heart.

Finally, Rumi found the smallest smile in her, even as weak as it was.  It was genuine, and that was all that mattered.

Zoey rubbed Rumi’s arm slowly, but her relaxing expression didn’t last long.  Not when she felt an odd texture beneath her fingers that turned almost wet and watched as Rumi had winced with a hitch in her breath.  From relaxed, to completely alert, Zoey paused her hand with widening eyes.  She did not like that reaction whatsoever, having seen it too many times before. “Baby.. are you hurt?” Her fingers had frozen before slowly lifting up, trying to not irritate whatever wound she’d just reopened.

But the sight of her now slightly bloodied hand had shaken her when she’d seen it, her mouth going dry.  That was too fresh for her liking, thinking back on the last night.  Had Rumi lied?  Had she actually hurt herself?

So many worried thoughts had started to fly through her head just with one incident, her previously calm state anything but, now.

Rumi had quickly followed Zoey’s eyes to her bloodied up arm, before tensing and forcing herself to try and sit up with her hand rushing to cover the injury the second she’d seen the red smearing her fingers.  But not for the concern she should have, instead focused on the least concerning part of it all. “Your sheets—..!” That was not reassuring to Zoey, who had sat up herself and taken Rumi by the shoulder to force her to lay back down.  She didn’t think sheets were more important than her girlfriend!

“Hey, hey—!  No, you’re laying back down.” Zoey frowned so fast, even when Rumi had looked to her with nothing but guilt over her previously calm expression.  She messed up.  Again.

“But I don’t want to get your sheets dirty..  I probably already got blood on them.” Rumi’s words didn’t sway Zoey any other way, however, Zoey firming her expression with a gentle glare.  Nothing mean, just enough to show she was serious

“They’re just sheets, and if you do I can just wash them later.  I promise.” Her eyes softened the second she felt the resistance against her hands fading as she helped ease Rumi back onto her side slowly. “Now, can you let me see?” Zoey was far more concerned about Rumi than any set sheets she could ever own.

Rumi only slowly nodded, a bit nervous as she felt Zoey’s hand pull her hand away from over the scratch.  It was clearly from the past night, still fresh, and the skin around it pink and bothered.  It looked like a clean cut, but it was hard to tell.  There was so much blood, both dried and fresh covering the area.  Rumi could only remember the second the pain had all started, it had slipped her mind when she’d been asked and now her clawed hands itched at the thought, watching the worry twisting Zoey’s expression.

“Okay.. stay here, don’t move.  I’ll be right back.” Zoey knew just laying eyes on it that it had to hurt.  But her mind was more stuck on one thing, the fact that Rumi hadn’t told her.

She’d cut herself, on purpose or not.  Rumi had actually been hurt for a change.

Zoey didn’t like it whatsoever, rushing out to get one of the first-aid kits.  Mira was in the living room loft, laying out a few blankets onto the couch.  Her attention was pulled by Zoey coming out of the bedroom, however, standing up and walking around it without much hesitation before standing still. “Hey.. that was quick.  Is she awake?” Mira didn’t see Rumi coming out behind her for once, which already had her noticing something was off.

“She is…” Zoey hesitated, frowning to herself as she sighed and looked up to Mira as she walked over. “Slightly unrelated— do you know where we put the first-aid kit?  I know we had one in Rumi’s room but.. she hides it pretty well sometimes.” Rumi cleaned her room so often it was hard to always find where she stowed it away.

Luckily, they kept multiple around for convenience.

That was enough for Mira to catch on though, nodding and instantly backtracking to the coach side to grab the one just beneath the sofa and heading right back for her lover.  She wasn’t wasting time, a gentle concern taking over her face. “She’s hurt?” She could guess so, the way Zoey seemed uneasy.

Zoey nodded with a crestfallen expression, glancing back to the door and gesturing to her own upper arm. “It looked like a pretty deep cut, I really don’t want it to get infected…” Mira didn’t need to hear any more, eyes narrowed slightly as she nodded.  Considering Zoey hadn’t mentioned it last night, she could guess it was hidden somehow.  Or even just glossed over in their panic…

“I can do it.” Mira volunteered near instantly, holding Zoey’s gaze with some worry holding to it.  She didn’t just forget about how Zoey had sounded on the phone last night, how much she’d needed her.  So, she was right on top of it with a sterning expression. “I won’t make you go in if you’re not feeling up to it, you know.  You can wait in on the couch, no one will blame you.”

Zoey had to think for a moment, frowning softly as her eyes flickered down to the side.  Mira had reached out to cup her cheek, a kiss being placed to her forehead as she weighed her options. “I don’t think so..  I mean, I want to be there for her!” Zoey felt in a rush to add that part, but her face fell with a slow sigh as she leaned into Mira’s palm with a saddened look. “I just.. don’t know if I could really handle putting her through more pain.” She needed a break from being the one to do it all, for once.

Mira nodded, tracing her thumb slowly over Zoey’s cheek with her look gentling with a soft hum.  Honesty, that she could work with. “Okay.  I’ll handle the first-aid, and you can just comfort her.  To keep her calm while I do it, at least.” It wasn’t really a job, really just having her be there to both love and be loved on.

Zoey seemed to let her shoulders relax slowly with that, looking sadly up to Mira despite it sounding pleasant.  She felt almost guilty over the fact that it did. “Are you sure..?” Usually Zoey was ready to tackle anything without a question, and if it was just her she would have done just that.  But faced with a genuine offer to help?  Zoey needed it for her own sake, something that Mira was entirely willing to help with.

Mira only offered a smile, however, not upset to give reassurance. “I promise.  I like to take care of you both, you know that.” They needed her, and that was reassurance in itself to her.  Her family was dependent on her, she had one now.  So she got to do her part to keep it that way, to keep them safe.

Having them there was payment enough for her.

Zoey accepted it finally, a bit of a forced smile matching Mira’s as she rested her hand over hers and held it against her cheek a bit closer for the next long second. “Then we should probably get in there..  I didn’t really like the look of it.” Zoey could only imagine just how much it would have hurt when Rumi had first gotten it.

Mira lowered her hand with Zoey’s down between, squeezing Zoey’s smaller one in hers for a short moment. “Come on then, I’ve got you.”

Mira took the lead, pressing the door open and peering in.  Rumi had been waiting a bit uneasily, her eyes right on the moving door as it had opened.  They’d widened seeing Mira instead of who she was expecting, however, confused with a look of bewilderment taking over her face. “Mira..?” All of a sudden, she felt worried about just how long she’d been forcing herself back to sleep, blinking before sighing and shaking her head. “How long was I out..?” Mira wasn’t meant to be back for a few days, she was still meant to be with Bobby right about now, if all had gone well.

Except she wasn’t, and she’d moved right to Rumi’s side with a softening frown. “A little over half a day.  You had us both pretty worried.” Not that they’d blamed her for it, Rumi needed her rest after the scare of last night.

Hearing that, however, Rumi’s expression seemed to fall from its surprise and into one of sad realization that dampened it.  She understood why Mira was here, if she’d come back this early.  She’d already been there, and if she'd come back?  It would be her own fault, something else she’d ruined for them. “Oh.” Rumi whispered it, her eyes shifting away and to the pillow under her head.  Rumi didn’t even need to confirm it, really, it was common sense to her.

Zoey looked at Mira when she’d glanced over to her with a soft frown, nodding sadly the second she had.  Neither were liking this, but Zoey had seen this coming from how poorly Rumi had been acting the past night.  Rumi usually could sleep off these moods after a rough night and feel relatively okay by the morning, but it seemed this time her depression had wanted to stick around longer than just one long night.

Mira sighed slowly, walking over and next to the bed as she sat on the edge of it.  Her gaze never left Rumi when she did, however, eyes softening as she tilted her head to the side. “Hey.” Rumi’s eyes had lifted slowly, almost hesitant to actually look Mira in the eyes.  Mira patted the bed closer to her, not even seeming that bothered. “Come here, let me see your arm.” Rumi let out a heavy sigh, pressing herself up and carrying her body more to the edge using her hands, mostly.  Mira had an arm around Rumi the second she was in reach, taking the injured arm into her hand and inspecting it quietly.

Zoey was right about it being a clean cut.. Mira frowning seeing how the blood ran from the reopened parts.  Even if it wasn’t rough, that didn’t mean all the blood that dried up around it was pretty. “Does it still hurt?” She had to ask, really, flicking open the first-aid kit with her thumb and grabbing the antibacterial cream with a wipe or two to clean it up a bit more.  Rumi felt the bed dip on her other side as she nodded, her uninjured hand being held onto as Zoey leaned against it.

Between them, she felt the smallest bit more comfortable, trying not to chew her lip with how her fangs still remained prominent inside of her closed mouth. “It’s not bad.. but it’s pretty sensitive I guess.” Rumi felt Mira gently testing the skin around it with her fingertip, shuddering near instantly at the sensation. “Careful—“ The warning came quick the closer the touch got to the stinging section of the open wound, but Mira knew what she was doing.  She gave a small nod, pressing a kiss over Rumi’s shoulder to soothe her nerves.

She wouldn’t hurt her more on purpose.

“I know, I am.  I’m just making sure some of this isn’t just cuts.  You must’ve bled a good bit overnight.” Not a good thing for sure, but that meant it was smaller than it looked.  The dried blood caked up around it definitely did not give a pleasant idea of the size at first glance, Mira taking one of the wipes and starting to clean up the parts that weren’t too close to the main wound. “What did you catch this on?  There’s more than one…” It looked too sharp to be any normal object, and she hated the suspicion that grew in her chest finding more hidden beneath in the bloodied mess.  Too even for her liking.

She should trust Rumi, but a little voice nagging in the back of her mind wondered just maybe, if it even had been an accident.

Rumi knew instantly it would sound bad, eyes flickering over to Zoey who had intertwined their hands through the calm moment.  They trusted her so much, too much in her own eyes. “My claws came out while I was spiraling, I guess..” She remembered the pain that startled her near instantly when Zoey had abraded the wound on accident, nearly the same from the night before. “I didn’t mean to.. but they just— came out..” Rumi now eyeing the light purple patterns that still dimly lit along her skin. 

Still not white, still not okay.

Was that her new tell?  She wasn’t sure but she did know that she didn’t like it, the color serving as more of a reminder than anything else.  She was so good at suppressing her demon side, that seeing it so clearly was unnerving.  Rumi wanted to keep it down, not because she was entirely ashamed, but because she was afraid of hurting or scaring her lovers.  Especially when after the Honmoon had been reformed, as her demonic tendencies had wanted to be more and more free.

Finally comfortable in her skin, and yet new problems always found a way to the surface.

Mira was just happy not to be lied to, her eyes able to see the positioning in a less dark light as she let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.  Even able to make out where Rumi’s thumb had been, placed a little more skewed than the rest of the markers, Mira knew it was the truth. “As long as it was an accident…” Rumi caught onto the implication, glancing away as she felt the wet feeling of the wipe against her skin.  Mira knew that Rumi was avoiding looking at her, not that she could entirely blame her. “And if it ever isn’t.. you come to us the second you get your head on straight.  Okay?  Or even just call me, it doesn’t matter how late or where I am.” Mira was entirely serious as she stared at the mostly cleaned area, wincing at the scratches as she reached for the antibacterial cream to be safe.

After this incident.. after getting that terrifying call at midnight?  Mira had to make sure she covered all of their bases, she’d answer any call at any time without hesitation.

“I promise.” Rumi didn’t dare argue.  It was a fair thing to ask of her, she knew it in her heart, but that didn’t change the fear that she knew how reasonable it was.  How close she might have been to actually doing the thing they feared she had.

Because it wouldn’t be the first time, and they knew it wouldn’t be.

Rumi had jerked back a bit, feeling Mira’s finger brushing directly over the actual wound.  Her eyes had shot right open with a soft gasp and a wince as her markings lit up in tandem to the pain that stung the injury. “Ow—!” No warning at all?  Zoey had squeezed her arm a bit hard in reflex, trying to coax her into staying still.

Mira’s hand rubbed Rumi’s side in quick comfort, quickly realizing her mistake and lifting her finger right back up to give Rumi a second to collect herself. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” Trying to apply the cream when it was this tender wasn’t easy, but there wasn’t much of a choice.  Mira took a slow breath, her eyes soft with concern as she leaned forward to try and catch Rumi’s eye. “You okay?”

Rumi was trying to not shut down on them, but it was hard to communicate through pain.  She took a few more seconds, breathing through the worst of the pain until it subsided, her marks dimming down as she found her calm again. “Keep going.  Get it over with.” Rumi wasn’t going to have this take any longer than it had to, finally meeting Mira’s gaze again despite how badly she hated this.

She trusted Mira wouldn’t hurt her without reason.

Mira nodded with some relief, pressing a short kiss to Rumi’s lips as almost an apology before pulling back to finish what she was doing.  Rumi was pulling each breath in with a hiss through her bared teeth, her eyes squeezed tightly shut with a strangled noise in her throat.  Her head had turned to the side, leaned right up against Zoey’s in an attempt to find more comfort somehow as she fought through it.  Zoey felt the vice grip that crushed her hand, trying to return it despite how her hand ached in response.

“Just a little more, you’re okay.  We’re here, baby...” Zoey whispered the gentle reassurance, being there for her through it.  Right up until Mira stopped, and could finally reach for some gauze and bandages to wrap it up safely. 

“All done.  You did great, can you give us a deep breath?” Proof she wasn’t going to pass out, maybe, but they didn’t think she would.  More so, trying to make sure she wouldn’t have a panic attack right there between them from the strain her breathing had taken.  And after a moment she had, her lungs grateful for the relief as she’d gasped it in.

Her fangs were the only thing Zoey could focus on, eyes widening a bit actually seeing them.  Sure they’d known she’d had them.. but seeing them was new.  Zoey could only guess it was that painful, not knowing they’d been present the whole time.

Mira wrapped the wound carefully, securing the gauze into place as she listened closely to Rumi’s breathing. “Slow it down.. you’re doing great, another one for me.” One breath after another, Rumi’s heart was slowing, and so was her breathing, her tight grip on Zoey slowly falling slack as she found it in her to untense her muscles. “Good girl.. there we go.” Mira sealed the bandages, and in a second her free hand was cupping Rumi’s face and hugging her carefully in.

Rumi was letting herself just be held between them, her hands shaking as she let her one finally reach and fall onto Mira’s leg for a grip on anything else.  It was hard to have any focus, drawing in breath after breath to soothe the ache in her lungs.  They were keeping her calm, she could be calm…  Rumi had to convince herself it was true, golden eyes stinging as she’d winced at the sensation.  Not tears, just pain.

“I’m okay..” Maybe thinking they were still trying to keep her still and all, but Mira only hummed softly as she stroked Rumi’s hair back.

“I know you are.  Just try to relax a little longer, I know that was pretty rough.” Mira kept her voice low, not quite a whisper, but soothing enough Rumi nearly mistook it for one.  Letting the tension slowly fall from her whole body, feeling how Zoey and Mira stayed right up against her through the worst of it.  Rumi only let them, her eyes staying patiently shut as she soaked in the affection.

To say she needed it was an understatement.

Mira was focusing on the contact, but as usual Rumi felt cold to the touch.  She was always so easy to get cold, and yet she still wore the least amount of clothing out of the three of them.  Ironic, really. “Alright.. you want to come to the couch with us?” Mira pulled away so slowly, her hand on Rumi’s head slipping down to tilt her head up by the chin.  Rumi looked her in the eye, met with a gentle look instantly.  Mira was entirely on top of taking care of her girls.  She wasn’t thinking of anything else today. “You don’t have to, but I don’t think staying in bed is doing you any good right now.” They hadn’t told her what time it was for a reason.  It was almost four in the afternoon 

She was only bedrotting her day away, not that she didn’t deserve to for a while if that’s what Rumi really wanted to do.  Too much, however, and they wouldn’t have a choice but to make her come out

But that was exactly why she had a choice in the matter, Rumi only averting her gaze for a second to let herself think.  Letting herself feel in control of herself. “Why not.” She felt Zoey press a prolonged kiss to her cheek, unable to help a small smile creeping up her expression as she let out a breathy laugh. “Zoey..”

She loved it, even if it was a bit embarrassing.  Zoey only giggled as she hugged around Rumi’s neck for a second, squishing their faces together with her brightened expression. “Couch!”

Forcing Rumi to share their relaxation, and willingly.  Despite the struggles, she was still coming a long way from where she had been.

And they couldn’t be more proud of her, every step of the way..

Chapter Text

Rumi was out of it when she started to wake, groggy as she kept her eyes shut and tiredly remaining so.  Her body felt so heavy, and yet maybe slightly more relieved than it had for the past while.  She sighed slowly as she’d gone to roll onto her side, making such a tired moan of confusion when the movement rewarded an instant stretch of pain between her thighs, and not the pleasant soreness she was used to.

But sharp, painful bursts that stung into the thin skin in an instant.

Rumi forced her heavy eyes open despite her tired stupor, huffing softly as she quickly rushed her hand up to her face to rub her tired eyes.  It almost felt.. wet, however, cold and sticking to her face as she forced herself to slowly sit up with confusion hugging her every feature. “What..?” Her voice came slow, feeling the unnatural sensation against her fingers and now her face as she adjusted upright.

Slowly, she was forcing herself more awake, her eyes lowering down before freezing as she moved her eyes down.  The sensation was all too familiar, drawing up a shaky hand infront of her face as she felt the cold realization dawning on her.  Rumi’s breaths were slow, labored with strain and growing stress as she pressed herself up against the headboard of her bed.  Her pupils had shrunken down to thin slits as she stared down at her hands, the clawed jagged points to her fingers trembling as she stared in frozen horror.

Blood.

The entire points of her clawed hands dripped red with her own blood, sliding slowly down the length of her hand as she just stared.  Her teeth gritted together, pressing down tightly against the other as her fangs gleamed prominent against them in stiff fear.  

What had she done…

“No.. no— shit shit— shit!” Rumi felt the curses tumbling from her lips as she hurriedly sat up, eyes snapping to her legs.  Her bloody, scarred up legs.

Any other time, hurting herself wouldn’t have been such a big deal.  Accidents happened all the time with her demon features becoming so prominent as she found comfort in her negative thoughts.  And yet this time, it hadn’t been an accident.  She could remember it all now, shaking as the memory came rushing back.  Locking the door on routine whenever she’d felt so close to doing anything she shouldn’t.

Not because she didn’t trust her lovers, but because she didn’t trust herself.  She didn’t want them to walk in on it, should she slip any further.

And once again, instead of crying for help, she’d drowned in her silence. 

—

Rumi was trying to fit back into their normal routine.

They could see it in her eyes, and yet whenever they matched the smile she forced her lips into… they only felt more concerned for her.  Something had triggered her depression big time, and it was all too obvious.  While they still had no clue what had caused it all, they were trying to not make her feel any worse by mentioning just how often they’d noticed.  And it wasn’t without a toll on their own mental health.

Mira tried to not mention how much she’d hated Rumi being in her own room over the past few nights, suppressing the urge to complain every time she found the door locked on occasion.  They never used the locks, it had been a problem they’d never had before.  Which made Mira all the more suspicious as to why.  Unknowing it was just what she feared, that Rumi was doing.

Mira sat staring down at her lap and frowning to herself as she held her tea cup in her hands.  She couldn’t think about much else, she found.

And yet she felt arms wrap around her from behind the couch, her eyes widening subtly before softening with a smile hinting her lips as she took a warmed hand to cup over the ones that held around her neck. “Zoey?” She could guess from the yellow of the sweatshirt sleeves, and the soft giggle confirmed it.

“Morning..” It was weird, still waking up to Rumi being asleep, but they were making do.  Instead, they spent their mornings together until they decided to prepare a few things to stir their lover from her spot curled up in her own bed.

Mira still drew Zoey’s hands to her lips, smiling as she pressed a kiss to the skin to draw out a bit more of the sleepy laughter that hit her ears. “Good morning.  You sound in a better mood.” Falling back into routine had been hard for all of them after that big scare, especially knowing it wasn’t fully over.

But they had to push past it to even manage to be a little okay.

Zoey shrugged a bit, resting her head on Mira’s as she gently held her close. “Good dream, that’s all.  You were in it.” The almost flirty tone had Mira smirking and rolling her eyes knowingly.  Of course.

“No wonder you’re in a good mood.  You’re a pervert.”

Zoey’s jaw dropped as Mira said it so easily, scoffing and trying to find the words to defend herself— and yet found none. “Wh.. hey!” And yet Zoey couldn’t find the words, as there were none, only bubbling into more giggles. “That’s so.. not nice!” She wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t make it nice!

Mira snickered, and yet her smile dimmed slowly on reflex as she leaned back into Zoey’s arms.  Zoey only let her own smile fell in tandem, seeing Mira’s happy mood wasn’t exactly matching hers and letting it shine a little less bright. “I’m.. guessing your dreams weren't so nice?” Maybe some worry hidden in how Zoey asked the question.

Mira nodded with a slow hum, her eyes moving on reflex to the hall. “It was hard to sleep.  Just overthinking, I guess.  When I did..  It just wasn't nice to see, that’s all.” Mira didn’t want to get into it as she drew her tea up to her lips to sip her tea, already feeling Zoey’s concern staring down at her without needing to turn. “It was about what you said Rumi told you.. that’s all.”

Her dream had lingered on the one part.  Her nightmares had been plagued by the one part she hadn’t believed at first, Celine being asked to kill Rumi.

If she’d agreed, followed through.

If they hadn’t had a lover to find, but a body.

Zoey hugged Mira just a little tighter, going quiet with a knowing hum. “I could guess.” It had done the same to her that first night.  She still wasn’t over it herself.  Even the day before, when Rumi had been sleeping in?  They’d done just this.  They talked about it, between one another.

Because when they were with Rumi, they tried to face her with their best for their own comfort.

Because that one day ago, that was how it was.  Finding comfort in the other, and letting things settle down.

Zoey came tiredly out of the bedroom after about her fourth trip in to check on Rumi, having been hovering over her most of the morning.  This time, Mira could’ve sworn that Rumi would have come out with her, watching the time flying by.  And yet when she’d seen Zoey come back down the hall, Mira found herself surprised, and not so pleasantly.

“She’s still sleeping?” Mira frowned, already not too fond of hearing it.  Sleeping early, sleeping in.. it had never been a good sign when they were keeping an eye on Rumi any time before.  She didn’t like it, and yet after the past night?

Neither of them were in a rush to wake her up.

Zoey nodded with a dampened expression, rubbing her other arm as she did so. “She keeps waking up… but she just stays there until she falls back asleep.” Rumi was a light sleeper, any other day she’d get up at the slightest bump outside her door.  So her sleeping through Zoey constantly going in to check on her was raising their concerns more than they knew. “Do you think we should wake her?  I mean..  I know it’s not normal, but…”

Mira knew what Zoey meant, shaking her head in an instant. “No, we can let her sleep.” Even if it was the afternoon, Mira didn’t want to disturb her just yet.

Rumi didn’t want to face the depression that had nearly gotten the best of her, and by no means would Mira want to force her to just yet. “We can get her up eventually, but I want it to be her choice.  If we can help it, at least. I’ve been thinking, maybe we should tell Bobby we’re taking that break after all.”

Zoey’s eyes softened with a nod of agreement.  Rumi wouldn’t be happy, but maybe for now that would be best. “Maybe we should talk about it with her later.  But yeah.. I think that might be good for her.”

Overworking herself on top of all of this?

It just wouldn’t be smart

Mira doubted Rumi would want to, and granted she was still trying to have some patience after the vulnerable night she’d only just heard about.  Mira was still coming to terms with everything she’d had to hear secondhand, patting the couch beside her with a gentle look towards Zoey.  Pointedly refocusing on something else. “And what about you, I didn’t ask.  Did you get any sleep?” Mira couldn’t make out any tired circles under her eyes, nothing that had stuck over the night at least.

Zoey hesitated, and yet nodded as she walked over and curled right on into Mira’s side on the couch, feeling Mira’s arm immediately wrapping around her to keep her close. “Not really... but I’ll be okay.”

Her mind hadn’t been so pleasant.

“You know that this wasn’t your fault.” Mira reminded her gently, smoothing a hand slowly up the small of Zoey’s back and pushing up her sweatshirt with the slow motion. “It was going to happen again, we just weren’t ready.” Zoey stayed quiet despite the reassurance offered to her, eyes moving down and avoiding meeting Mira’s gaze with some resignation.  She wanted to believe it, she really did.

Mira watched the reaction with a slow sigh, kissing Zoey’s head instead of pushing her. “We’ll be ready for the next time, okay?  I should’ve been there, I’m sorry you were alone…”

For both of them, and yet she hadn’t been.

“Now who’s blaming themself…” Zoey’s smile came weak, but Mira matched it in a second with an affectionate hum as she tapped Zoey’s arm in a playful gesture.

“Smart ass.”

Zoey would’ve scolded her for the language any other time, but only sighed slowly and melted into the contact. “Mira..?”

“Yeah?” Her attention had been snagged in an instant, never letting it leave her or Rumi right now.  Mira had her eyes set on them and them alone.

Zoey bit her lip quietly, before tilting her head up to look at Mira with worry. “What if it gets worse?” It had gotten this bad in one night, what if it only happened again?

And for that, Mira’s eyes softened in knowing. “Then we’ll do everything we can to be there.  I can’t say I don’t think it will get worse, that’s not usually how this goes, but…  It gets easier, the less sudden it is.” Because for now.. Mira could see it coming.

This would be a constant for a while, unfortunately.

Episodes came and went, but this one didn’t seem like a short one, not with Rumi rotting away in bed on purpose.

“Really..?” Zoey didn’t see how, but the way Mira looked down at her with such a gentle smile?  She could only take her word for it.

Mira pressed a kiss to Zoey’s nose, watching her wrinkle it at the silly action with an endearing smile as she tilted her head expectantly. “Really.  Now, let’s get you something to eat before you go and check on her again.”

“Is it really that obvious I was going to?” Zoey smiled as Mira hooked her arms up under her legs, hoisting her right on up into her arms as Zoey quickly hooked her own around Mira’s neck.  Bridal style.

“Painfully.  Now come on, you can even sit on the counter while I cook.”

Whisking her off, to not let either of them suffer in their own thoughts for too long.  None of them were alone, whether it was when Rumi needed just them or not.

Rumi was still awake.  Maybe laying there for an hour after snagging a black shirt to wipe her bloodied face and trying to clean off her hands in a blind panic to get it off of her.  She overthought it, it felt disgusting.. the feeling lingering behind no matter how many times she’d hurriedly scraped the soft material harder against her skin.

She hadn’t left her room, and yet all that sleep she’d gotten didn’t feel like enough now that her mind had caught up with her actions.  Exhaustion hugging her body down and trying to keep her to the mattress.  How could she move?

Knowing what would greet her, what she’d have to say if she left.

And yet Rumi’s silence was disturbed, hearing the familiar drum of a knuckle against her door and feeling her heart sink in her chest in despair.  She knew who it was, and it wasn’t her usual every hour guest.  Zoey tried to be quiet, but when Rumi’s door was locked?  She heard the knob jiggle on occasion, knowing they had a gut feeling about what was happening and dreading it.

“Mira..?” Rumi hesitantly let her voice find itself, hurriedly glancing around and snagging one of her throw blankets to pull self-consciously into her lap.

The door didn’t come open just yet despite it, Mira leaning against the other side when she’d heard the quiet call through the door. “It’s just me.” Sometimes, she liked that Rumi could recognize them just by how they’d knock, or how their footsteps hit the floor.  Even if it sprouted from her anxiety on occasion. “Can I come in?”

After a full morning of checking, Mira had come to terms with the door being locked.  And yet, Rumi’s words had her kind of pause.

“It’s unlocked..” Rumi had been up already, she’d unlocked it when she had been in her damage control panic.

Mira hadn’t taken long to take hold of the doorknob and step inside, finding Rumi sitting a bit stiffly as she did so.  Her body language was screaming to Mira, not a single bit of comfort found besides seeing Rumi okay.  Or at least…

Mostly.

Mira was quiet at first, skimming her lover’s posture over with a growing look of concern. “Can I sit with you for a minute?” She could tell something was a little more off than it usually was, watching Rumi avoiding eye contact as she nodded wordlessly through her slight discomfort.  She was dreading it, really.

So many scenarios of this moment were running through her head as she subconsciously balled her fist into the blanket thrown over her lap.  Mira had crossed over to sit right by her side, too, eyeing her darkened hand.  Rumi’s eyes snapped down to it, too, but only when she felt Mira’s hand slide over hers and rest there. “How long have you been up for?”

“Not long.  I just woke up when you knocked..” And yet Rumi felt her stomach twist with the lie.  Her face gave her away, if Mira didn’t already know.

Mira stared back at Rumi, but this time there wasn’t that fully comforting look in her eyes.  Instead, the words were slightly confronting as they’d fallen, Mira trying her best not to sound upset when she knew for certain Rumi had lied right to her. “Then why was your door locked earlier and not now?” Mira knew, just by how her frown had tensed slightly despite her gentling gaze

Rumi tensed a bit, her eyes locking quickly onto Mira’s.  She’d gone to find a response, but the lie she wanted to tell died on her tongue.  She’d made a promise, hadn’t she?  How could she break it, knowing very well that she was in control of her mind for now.

Rumi’s eyes had to move away, feeling Mira’s hand squeezing hers.  She knew something was off, the lies?

Rumi hardly ever lied anymore, it just didn’t sit right with either of them after the whole reveal of her patterns. “Rumi…” Mira sighed softly, her expression hardening just a tad more when she hadn’t met her gaze.  She didn’t like this, not one bit. “Talk to me.” She had to insist, the silence from Rumi’s end having her start to lose her carefully constructed calm.  She wanted to know, and badly.

Rumi was struggling with her own mind, and yet she knew what she had to do.  She just didn’t know if she had the strength to do it.

“It wasn’t.. an accident…” The words felt odd and out of place, Rumi only speaking about half of the words that she’d meant to and sighing abruptly when she’d noticed.  Of course, she ruined the confession she’d rehearsed again and again in her mind, kicking herself for it in her head.

Mira had stared at her so long, however.  She understood from that alone, but she had to let it set in before she reacted.  She forced a slow breath, before sliding her hand under Rumi’s to move it from its hold on the blanket.  Instead, allowing it to clutch onto hers for comfort. “Is it the same place I think it is?” The question came slowly, far more gentle than she’d been just mere moments before then.

Rumi had tried to be honest, even if lying had been far more tempting when faced with Mira’s entire switchup.

Rumi knew why her hand had been moved with that question, her hand gently squeezing over Mira’s and refusing to look up from them as she gave a small nod. “I should have told you.. I know I should’ve gone to you— but..”

Mira sighed, but only drew Rumi’s hand up to her lips and pressed a firm kiss over the knuckles as she interlocked their fingers. “You weren’t all there.  I’m not mad, just.. worried.  That's all.” She’d sensed the apology Rumi had wanted to find, and yet she didn’t dare let her.  Not when Rumi had already been struggling so much.

Rumi let her guilty eyes follow the movement, slowly following her hand up until her gaze met Mira’s.  Not one inch of blame was given, Mira merely trying to find a way to express her concern and not overwhelm her. “How bad?  Can I look?” It wasn’t the first time they’d done this.. there had been a time when they were only teens, having to do something very similar to this.  The familiarity was both comforting.. and sad.  How time changed, and yet so many things resurfaced the second Rumi found comfort in her surroundings and self.

Rumi didn’t want her to see, feeling bare enough already just under her lover’s concerned gaze.  Yet, she still agreed despite it. “I don’t know how bad..  I just— panicked seeing the blood when I woke up.” It was bad enough if there was blood, surely.

Mira’s other hand had moved to the blanket, grabbing it and staring for a moment.  Only, she decided to get up instead, Rumi’s confused eyes following her as their joined hands never parted.  Mira knelt by the edge of the bed so carefully, trying to keep her expression flat as she’d carefully tucked the blanket aside to get a look at just what Rumi had done.  Swallowing down her emotions was harder than she expected, staring down at the bloody mess that crossed the thin skin.

It wasn’t so much the smooth skin that had been targeted, visually the old scars having been reopened on purpose to avoid doing so.  If she had checked even just a few months later, they may have never seen a difference with where it had been done.  The thought was unpleasant on Mira’s mind.

Rumi didn’t like the silence, nor the way Mira stared so long, shifting and nearly reaching for the blanket again in her discomfort.  Even so, she let them part despite the compromising position fueling her discomfort. “It doesn’t.. hurt if I don’t move.” Rumi tried to offer it as a comfort, Mira merely nodding slowly in knowing.

Rumi found herself freezing still when Mira had leaned forward, placing such a gentle kiss over her inner thigh and near one of the biggest bloody crosshatches that sunk into the soft skin.  Rumi stared, stunned, and yet she couldn’t stop the tears that had rushed to her eyes in an instant.  Glassy eyes focused on Mira, who hadn’t even bothered to glance up.  Rather focused on showing a gentle affection to the wounds, watching the tension in the muscles melting away slowly when faced with no judgement.

“Mira..-”

Mira cut Rumi off before she could finish that sentence, already hearing the apologetic lilt to her girlfriend’s tone and ending it right there. “Don’t apologize.  I know, it’s just.. worse that I thought.” It wasn’t thin lines like they had been so long ago, not a random sharp instrument that was just hanging around.  Mira hadn’t seen Rumi even be as rough on herself as this, frowning as she sighed slowly and only pressed her lips to the other thigh to share the affection equally across the skin.

Rumi felt vulnerable.

Half bare, her lover gently loving the area with thorough slow movements over where the wounds she’d inflicted were most prominent, and yet it hurt.  It hurt, knowing she was putting Mira through this after she herself had sworn she’d been getting better.

But oftentimes when things got better?  It got far worse, when comfort and love were found without walls between to shut them out.  When the body could finally find true relaxation, it struck the worst as if threatened.

“I’m going to wrap these.. and I’m going to trust that if you even think about removing it you come to me.“ Mira tried to keep her voice comforting, but Rumi could hear the undertones leaking into her words.  She was concerned, scared.. but overall there was such a deep trust despite it all.

She wanted Rumi to know she wasn’t to be shamed for slipping up, being clean for so many years being such an impressive feat that many struggled for.

Rumi stared down, Mira looking up when no response had been given.  Oh, but the watery state of those golden eyes staring back at her had hurt all that much more.  Rumi had been trying to keep the pain suppressed down.  But not physical pain, no…  The pain of still being faced with love and endearment no matter how many times she ruined what good they had built around them.  It hurt.

It hurt so badly, to be so closely loved that no pain she’d caused seemed to shake their adoration towards her.

“Hey.. hey what happened?” Mira had sat up a little straighter, her eyes flickering between Rumi’s and trying to find an answer through her tears.

Rumi was trying to find her calm, shakily taking a deep breath as she shook her head and quickly wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her free hand. “I’m sorry.. I just— I don’t know what's wrong with me…” Frustration fueled her movements this time, refusing to let the tears fall down her face as she tried to clear them out of her eyes before they had the chance.  It seemed she wasn’t in complete control of her reactions.

Mira couldn’t bring herself to blame her, either, tracing her thumb over Rumi’s hand to bring her a little more comfort. “There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t say that.  You’re allowed to be upset.” She was more surprised Rumi hadn’t broken down sooner, really.

“I don’t.. I don’t want to be.” Rumi muttered it, huffing in frustration as she only felt more tears rising to her eyes.  She didn’t feel like she earned the right.

Rumi’s mindset was that she’d done it to herself, and so she had not one right to cry.  When in reality to everyone but her, it was the complete opposite, Mira’s eyes gentle with worry as she watched her girlfriend rushing to cover up her emotions. “I won’t force you, but I have to ask.  What did you use?”

At the question, Rumi did glance over to their joined hands in reflex to hearing it.  She flexed her hand slowly, the clawed tips slipping out purposely as Mira followed her gaze.  Her eyes lingered as they’d caught the light, reflecting over the apex of the jagged ends.  Mira drew the hand over just a little closer, comparing the marks just to be sure.  A perfect match, as much as it brought her pain to confirm.

Rumi wasn’t hiding it from her.

“I don’t like the thought of you being in here alone anymore.  Not with the lock, and not with you so far away from us.” Mira spoke it so clearly, all while Rumi had passed over the first-aid kit she’d already had waiting next to her.

Wrapping those cleaned up marks with such a gentle motion, refusing to speed up and make it too tight on Rumi’s already sensitive skin.

“You want me to stay with you two?” Rumi knew what Mira meant, to share a bed so they could keep a careful eye on her.

Mira nodded in a near instant, eyes moving up while searching for any resignation in Rumi’s expression. “I want that.  But do you?” Trying to see where Rumi’s head was at, all while tending to her wounds.  It was a moment where they were both a little vulnerable.

Rumi was torn between wanting to shut herself off, and seeking the help she knew she needed from them to make it through.  She may not want to make it through, but she knew better than to trust herself all that much.  Look what that trust led her to the past night…  So she found it in her to nod slowly. “I don’t think I’d mind..”

Sleeping in either of their rooms, even if it was just temporary.

Mira seemed content with it, sealing off the gentle wrapping on Rumi’s other thigh with care as she stood up.  Her hand found itself cupping Rumi’s face, tilting up her head to hold their eye contact.  She wanted that for what she was going to say, holding it for a long second as Rumi blinked up at her in confusion.

And yet only melted into the touch after a moment.

“I love you.  You don’t forget that for a second, do you hear me?” Mira spoke so firmly, but that was to ensure her affection was found as real.  Right now, she didn’t want that to be doubted.  Rumi didn’t doubt her, however, smiling weakly as she nodded into Mira’s palm with complete trust in the words.

“I know…  I love you too.”

Maybe she didn’t know how, but she didn’t doubt their intentions for even a moment.  Even if she was suffering, and struggling— She only found she believed them more, the closer she got to truly ending the misery swirling in her own head.

Chapter Text

Mira had been keeping such a careful eye on Rumi.  So much so that she could safely say that she couldn't see much improvement in her at all.  So finally, she had come to terms with the fact she had to be the one to tell Bobby they needed to talk.  He’d been concerned since she’d basically dropped everything to go home to her girls all that time ago, and while he didn’t want to press?  He never hid his concern.

Every good morning text he sent them had a little note for each girl separately, checking in with them, but he didn’t bring up work.

He had a feeling something was up for a while, but didn’t have much to go off of.  So, the second he got a text from Mira, he had dropped everything to grab that phone and sit right down.

💗Dark Daughter🖤: Hey Bobby are you free today

💗Dark Daughter🖤: no problem if not but I think we need to talk if you have the time

To anyone else that might have sparked a whole panicked breakdown, and maybe Bobby got close to it— but he wouldn’t admit that, frowning a bit nervously at the wording as he sat back in his chair with some worry taking over his face.  Considering they’d been a bit more distant than usual, he almost considered that they might be dropping him as their manager.  Not that he’d blame them.. business was business!

But he loved them more than anything, having been there since day one of their official careers, and it was more than just management.

They were family.

Dad: of course I’m ALWAYS free for you girls! Do you want me to come by now? I can bring snacks!

Mira stared at the text, her eyes flitting down to Rumi.  The woman was tired, leaned up against Mira’s chest for now with her purple patterns not the only remaining sign of her demon side.  The fangs hadn’t left, nor the claws that came and went on occasion, and while her eyes sometimes improved— one eye always seemed to remain that golden shade now, having stayed that way since this whole episode had started.

Maybe it would be best to keep Bobby in the dark a little, Mira decided with some hesitation, smoothing back a stray strand of Rumi’s hair that broke free from her braid and tucking it so gently back behind the girl’s ear.

Rumi at least seemed to find peace when she was sleeping, to her relief.

Maybe it was the afternoon already, but Rumi had earned this nap after actually getting up early with them.  Mira didn’t have the heart to move her just yet.

💗Dark Daughter🖤: Maybe we could talk over dinner or something instead

Disturbing Rumi, or risking her being seen the way she was?  Mira didn’t want to put Rumi through that stress, she couldn’t risk that.  Let alone imagining Bobby’s reaction, shuddering to herself slightly.  To have to say, hey, you know your old dead friend’s daughter that you love more than life itself and would kill for?  She’s actually half demon!

Yay?

Yeah, that didn’t have a nice ring to it, opting to keep it simple.

Poor Bobby was just sweating it out on his side, having so little to know what was going to happen that he was stressing it, and he was stressing it hard.

Dad: I’ll buy! Just give me a time and a place.

Mira instantly had an idea for it, smiling faintly as she stroked Rumi’s braid slowly under her fingers almost like a cat.  The soft rumbles the action rewarded were so gentle yet clearly audible, almost like a purr as Rumi had curled right in closer, clutching onto the material of Mira’s shirt mindlessly to pull in just that much closer to her body.

Demonic tendencies weren’t always so evil or brutal, almost domestically affectionate in this case.  Mira had grown fond of it, smiling and pressing a kiss to Rumi’s head as she tried to focus on texting.

Rumi was too cute for Mira’s own good, having a hard time focusing on the task at hand.

💗Dark Daughter🖤: Rumi’s favorite place down past the main concert hall on east sound good in around an hour?  I want to bring her home some leftovers

Bobby hadn’t expected that.  Usually when they went out for dinner.. it was always the three of them unless it was business travel.  Getting fired was starting to become the smallest of his concerns, frowning as he responded almost instantly.

Dad: sure… is Rumi feeling sick? Is Zoey coming with us to??

Would it just be him and Mira?  Bobby didn’t like the circumstances at all, sighing and stressfully drawing a hand up to smooth his hair back as he watched the text bubbles start popping back up when his answer was sent.

Mira really was quick on the phone right now, he noticed, and while that was nice to not let him stress… usually she wasn’t always so quick with it.

It was odd.

💗Dark Daughter🖤: Thats what I want to talk to you about tonight actually.. and Zoey is a maybe I still have have to ask her

💗Dark Daughter🖤: I’ll see you at six Bobby

Mira set her phone aside before Bobby could even respond back, sighing to herself as she refocused her attention to the girl curled up so peacefully on her chest.  Rumi hadn’t moved much, even as she kept typing on her phone.  She didn’t seem to have much energy today, all of Rumi’s energy channeled into snuggling into Mira’s chest with a growing vice grip having grown on the cloth of her shirt.

She wasn’t budging a single inch, Mira smiling to herself as she kissed Rumi’s head so softly.  Not trying to wake her, but just enjoying the calm moment.  They were rather rare to come by, these days. “We should make you take your hair down more often, huh?” Speaking to her as if she were awake enough to know a single thing she was saying. “Keeping it up so much can’t be healthy for it.”

A sleepy whine that was hardly responsive in the slightest was the answer she got, pathetic and tired as it crawled from her closed lips.

Rumi was quite the tired conversationalist, clearly, Mira having to fight her smile from widening too much as she chuckled and hugged Rumi in apologetically close with her strong arms caging the woman in close to her.  Mira watched as the faintly glowing purple patterns scattering her lover’s skin cast a small light onto the skin of her own arm, such a subtle detail that she loved so much. “I didn’t think you’d like that either…”

She couldn’t bring herself to leave the bed for a while, either, putting it off as long as possible as she took in the sight.  If any of them needed this break from work, it would definitely be Rumi.  It wasn’t like streaming services would withhold the money they earned, after all, so it wouldn’t be a complete lack of income.  They just had to make it comfortable for her, until Rumi could stand on her own two feet with them again.

Zoey had brought snacks and everything when she’d come in, giggling slightly to find Rumi still curled almost completely atop of Mira’s laid out form. “Comfy still?” Zoey set the snacks on the side table before even trying to crawl up and join them, laying comfortably against Mira’s other side as she splayed out rather comfortably against her shoulder.  Mira sighed slowly, rolling her eyes as she tilted her head to the side to press a kiss to Zoey’s head too.  To keep it playfully fair.

“Not much of a choice.  Her claws are basically digging into my sides.” Mira loved it, though, even if she liked to pretend that she didn’t.  Especially judging by how she had yet to even attempt to leave that bed despite that complaint.

Zoey knew it, too, judging by the smile as she eyed Rumi’s tight little cling.  Her hand rested just over Rumi’s balled hand, feeling her fingers give such a subtle flex before relaxing so slowly under her touch. “You’re just a big softy.. I think she needs a longer nap, maybe we should just lay here with her for the night?” To Zoey, Rumi had done amazing by getting up with them, and she had!  But that didn’t completely work out now, Mira hesitating with a slow sigh.

“Well.. I actually have to go meet Bobby for dinner at six.  I know she won’t want to leave— so I figured maybe I should go.  Do you want to stay here with her?”

Zoey had been a bit surprised, her brow furrowing with a small hum as she quickly looked up with a blink.  Going out?  It had been a while since they’d gone out much at all, and while she wanted to go… she wasn’t so sure herself. “What are you going to talk about?” She shuffled in a bit closer, resting her head more contently against Mira’s shoulder with a squirm as she listened so patiently.

Rumi had stopped making those soft purrs, however, but in the moment it had gone unnoticed, the other two talking back and forth in hushed voices.

“I wanted to talk about maybe taking a break from shows again for a while, and if anyone could arrange that it would be Bobby.” Mira wasn’t hiding her intentions, open with them as her eyes moved back to Rumi’s head resting against her chest with a gentling expression. “With how she’s been..  I think this could be a good thing.” They’d never taken that break, even after Rumi had lost Jinu.  She cut contact with Celine for the most part too, and it clearly had some effects on her.

But she never stopped doing what she loved.  Even if mentally that might have been the last thing they should have encouraged, they hadn’t caught onto that until recently.  And now.. they both were trying their best to make up for all of that lost time they should have taken in the first place.

Zoey nodded silently, definitely weighing her options.  She didn’t want to leave Rumi alone, that was the last thing she’d want to do!  Being cooped up so much, however, wasn’t exactly good for her own mind.

“You should go.”

Zoey and Mira quieted in the same second, instantly their eyes moving to Rumi as her soft voice spoke up.  Rumi looked completely drowsy and exhausted, breaths still slow from sleep as she’d adjusted to look up through her heavy eyes.  Still half golden, but a subtle warmth in them as she looked up to the pair.  She could see the complete resignation in Zoey’s eyes, getting the go ahead from Rumi not exactly the most comforting outcome for her.  Even if Rumi wasn’t okay.. surely she’d insist they go anyways.

But Rumi gave such a small smile despite it. “You haven’t been out much.. and I know you’re dying to go.” She knew Zoey was, not so oblivious to her lover’s attentiveness either.

They’d been around every day when she’d crawled out of bed, and Zoey was absolutely a people person.  It helped her stay happy, all of that interaction.  So for once.. Rumi wanted them to do something for them.  Even if Zoey was partially afraid to.frowning and glancing over to Mira for some guidance on what to say.

Mira only gave her a small smile, however, not helping that much. “Whatever you want to do.  We always have our phones if we want to check in.”

Zoey felt completely torn, but looked to Rumi one last time for her reaction specifically.  One negative response, and she wouldn’t go. “Are you sure you’d be okay without us..?” It was clear enough Rumi had been right, even Mira’s expression falling soft as she watched them work it out without interrupting.

Zoey was just dying to go see Bobby after so long.

Rumi gave a supportive nod, stifling a yawn as she fluttered her eyes shut and finally let go of Mira’s shirt to cover her mouth. “Y..— nnh..” Rumi huffed softly as she shook her head, wrestling down the yawn before attempting again. “Sorry..  I think you should go.  If I’m sleeping, there’s no point for you to stay.” She didn’t exactly want to get up even still, planning to stay right where she was despite having expected to get up again.

Her body felt like betraying her mind, forcing her to feel more drained than she should as she stayed put a while longer.

Zoey stared for an extra few seconds, before sighing slowly and letting herself match Rumi’s smile after a moment.  Trying not to be too excited, and yet some of it was shining through despite that. “If you’re sure..  We can bring you home dinner!  Though.. you’ll probably eat it for breakfast instead —” Rumi was pretty sleepy anymore, after all.

She doubted that Rumi would be up late enough to be there when they got home.

Rumi gave a small hum, smiling faintly as Zoey’s hand had cupped Rumi’s face so very carefully.  And then all at once, leaning down to start pressing butterfly kisses all over her tired face with a wide smile twisting her lips. “Oh…  I love you so much!  Thank you, thank you, thank you—!”

Mira watched with a chuckle shaking her chest, watching Rumi hum sleepily and try and squirm away just a little to buy into the playful nature. “Zoey..!” She couldn’t find the energy to escape, giggling so softly when Zoey’s next kiss lingered over her lips even longer on purpose.

“I love you too..-  Now let me breathe—!”

Things sounded finally like they were going to work out.  Zoey got to get out of the house for a little while, Rumi got to sleep in, and Mira got to handle everything from there and have everything start to settle.  No work, just.. a well earned break.  Some hope for them all had stirred up, even just a small dash of it.

—

Leaving Rumi alone had been hard.  Mira and Zoey had even made sure to bring an extra blanket or two for her before even trying to leave.  And making her promise so many times that if she needed them, she’d text.  Or call.  Or anything that she so desired, but somehow she had to get in contact with them.

With some reluctance, they’d gone.  Their driver had picked them up just out front of the building, happily taking them all to the restaurant they asked him to.  It wasn’t a very long car ride either, it was only a few minutes, maybe 20 at the most.  Zoey was filling the silence for them, excitedly rambling already. “I haven’t seen Bobby in so long!  Do you think he missed us?” Zoey tore her eyes away from the window, her eyes glittering a bit as she looked for Mira’s reaction.

A warm smile welcomed hers, Mira rolling her eyes lovingly as she put her hand out between them on the middle seat of the limo. “When doesn’t he miss us?” Bobby love to have them around, so he was probably beside himself that they hadn’t been coming by even half as much as usual.  He might have questions, reasonably so.

Mira planned to answer them if it came down to it, but she wasn’t stressed over it like she expected she would be.  Not with Bobby.

Bobby would understand.

Zoey nodded hurriedly, her hand dropping to the middle seat to slide her hand over Mira’s and intertwine their fingers the second she had. “It feels so good to get out..” She’d kind of forced herself to stay inside for the past while, so concerned for Rumi’s well-being that she hadn’t even considered it.

But now she couldn’t feel anything less than ecstatic.  Even so, Zoey glanced down to her pocket, hesitating before taking out her phone and turning it on.  She hadn’t heard a notification, but even still she checked and skimmed the blank notification screen with a mixed expression on her face.  A soft hum left her, bordering on discomfort as Mira kept her eyes on Zoey and now her phone.

Almost knowing what she was doing, already.  Mira knew what it was like, after all, raising her thumb to trace the side of Zoey’s hand comfortingly from their joined position. “Worried?”

Zoey shrugged, but sighed slowly as she tried to let herself fall into more ease. “A little..  It’s just— what if she needs us and we’re not there?” Zoey wanted to lose herself in excitement.. but leaving Rumi alone had felt so wrong. “Don’t get me wrong, I love getting out!  But..-“ Zoey’s shoulders sagged a bit as she glanced out the window in paranoia. “I still don’t like leaving her home all alone.. “

Mira nodded slightly, offering a small smile to her lover.  She understood, after all, it hadn’t sounded great to her either. “How about you text her?  See if she’s awake.” At least try to ease her active mind for now.

Zoey smiled slightly at the idea, instantly going to unlock her phone and type in her passcode. “Yeah..  I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.” Convincing herself more than anything, saying it out loud.  So text she did, typing with only one of her hands rather than pulling hers away from Mira’s.

Zoey💛: hii baby! Checking in on my beautfiul girl💕💕

Mira smiled fondly at the clear typo that Zoey never fixed, shaking her head and watching as the message was sent.  But a minute went by with no response, definitely not serving to help. “Aw.. she didn’t respond to me.” Zoey frowned, her thumb tapping against the side of the phone before scrolling down to refresh the page, as if that would suddenly summon a response back to her check-in.

Mira had reached over by this point, gently lowering Zoey’s phone with a gentle look. “Then she probably is sleeping.  Just like she promised, remember?”

Zoey’s eyes found Mira’s, slowly taking a breath before smiling through her nervousness. “You’re right.. I know— I’m just psyching myself out!” Trying to look on the brighter side rather than dwelling.  Rumi was fine, she couldn’t think like that or she’d jinx it.

…

Zoey hadn’t jinxed it, had she?

She found her attention grabbed however, as they’d turned another corner, glancing out the window with a slow pause. “Wait where are we going?” Realizing she hadn’t even asked which place they were going to, Zoey batted her eyes towards Mira a bit sweetly to swindle her into answering.

As if it hadn’t entirely slipped her mind.

Mira loved it, humming as she squeezed her hand with the grip.  No complaints to be seen. “Rumi’s favorite place, it’s closer than any of ours so I figured I’d pick that one.  I’ll never remember the name of it.” Their driver knew, luckily, so used to driving them that he knew what Mira had meant by it.

Besides, a pick-me-up meal for Rumi was always a plus.

Zoey nodded excitedly, before pausing and glancing out the window. “Oh!  So we’re almost there already?” She knew it never took too long, and maybe that made this that much better.  Not having to wait to see more people she cared for.

Mira looked out her side to check, nodding thoughtfully at the familiar scenery as the limo had started to pull up out front of the familiar restaurant. “Looks right.  Come on, I’ve got you.” Mira opened the door herself, stepping out and closing it to round the other side and get Zoey’s for her.  She held her hand out, patiently waiting for her with a small smile playing on her lips.

“What a gentleman.” Zoey teased, taking Mira’s hand with a small giggle as her girlfriend helped her out of the limo and shut the door for her.

Mira turned back to the driver as he lowered his window, tapping the top of the vehicle twice with a flat hand. “Alright, you’re free to go.  We’re not going to keep you.” Wasting anyone’s time was just rude, and they wouldn’t do it on purpose.

The driver nodded, peering over to the two to make sure they made it to the sidewalk before even trying to go anywhere. “Alright then, I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up!  You lovely ladies aren’t the only ones with dinner plans.” He’d chuckled, bearing a polite smile as he waved goodbye.

“Bye Marco!  Say hi to your fiancé for us!” Zoey called after him as he pulled away, but turned right to Mira with such a bright smile. “I like him.  Now come on, that food is calling me!” And most of all..

Bobby!

All this interaction, oh it was doing numbers for Zoey already.  She looked like she was ready to run a mile and not complain even just once.  Knowing all of their staff and their names, it was just another part of what made their work an escape sometimes.  Friends and family, more than just staff.  It kept them with all a healthy amount of time to be themselves that way, less work-related stress entirely.

So, Mira did as she was told, letting Zoey drag her off and into the establishment.  Bobby had already been waiting in a section by the back, tapping his phone against the table and looking around as he waited.  The second he laid eyes on the two, he’d stood right up with a bright smile, waving them over in an instant. “Girls!  Over here!”

Zoey matched the energy immediately, finally dropping her hold on Mira’s hand and jogging over with a bounce in her step.  She’d missed this way too much. “Bobby!” He’d gone in right for the hug, and she had done the same with a big squeeze.

Bobby swore, he was smiling so wide that it physically hurt to do so.  Especially pulling back and doing the same to a far more calm Mira. “Oh, it has been too long!  I was starting to get worried about you girls, you know.” Pulling back from that hig, though, he couldn’t help but let his smile fall just a little.  Watching Zoey and Mira exchanging a quick glance with their own light expressions dampened the smallest bit with the mention. “Is.. everything okay?” He didn’t like the look of that, subtle or not.

Zoey hesitated, but this time took the lead at first. “It’s.. not so easy to explain.” It wasn’t short, looking to Mira for confirmation it was even okay to bring up.

Mira didn’t seem upset, though, especially since she’d already been planning to talk it over during dinner.  Bobby was listening, a hand on each of their shoulders in support. “I’ve got all the time in the world.  Sit down, let’s get some food and we can talk.” He gave a reassuring smile to each of them, watching them return it with warm expressions.  It helped that Bobby was so understanding, sometimes.

Sitting down, there was so much to talk about.  Bobby having been handling everything in their absence, they hadn’t heard much about it since he hadn’t wanted to intrude. “So.. Rumi didn’t want to come?” Bobby was taking his time to eat, really not looking to rush the moment with them.

Zoey shook her head, making a small gesture with her hand that didn’t really confirm anything. “Well I don’t really know..  Rumi isn’t really in the mood to get out much right now, though, so I don’t think so.”

Bobby blinked, tilting his head subtly. “What?  How come?” Rumi had come such a long way from the shy girl he’d known before.  He hadn’t seen her willingly cooped up in the house so long since they’d still lived with Celine.

Mira took a sip of her water, using the moment to take a breath before setting down the glass. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.” The girls had Bobby’s full attention, especially with how concerned he’d been earlier.  Not just himself when he figured it wasn’t about him, but the girls themselves.  Mira thought about how to start, but starting simple sounded like the best option. “I know we denied it before, but.. would it be okay if we really did take that three month hiatus this time?”

Surprised?  Yes, but upset?  Absolutely not.

Bobby agreed without even needing to think it over, nodding the second the words had been said. “Of course!  Was that all?” He’d been so worked up over that?

Mira shook her head, though, a bit tight lipped as she tried to eat and not let the conversation ruin her appetite.  This was necessary, and it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of.  She told Rumi the same all the time. “Rumi’s in a bit of a slump right now, so I think some time off with no stress would be for the best.  With how she overworks…-”

It wouldn’t help, not with how she’d been.

Bobby hadn’t expected that to be the case, his face falling with some worry.  Slump wasn’t specific, but it didn’t need to be for him to be worried for her. “Of course, no I agree.  No work, that’s completely fine…  I wish you’d told me sooner, maybe we could’ve just ordered in.”

“She doesn't want to see anyone, so..-“ Zoey felt the need to add it a bit nervously, recalling the demonic features that lingered more prominently over her lover’s face.  Keeping Bobby safe, out of their world of demon hunting, they were doing their best.  Sometimes it was hard, though, to keep it that way.

Bobby sighed as he leaned back, nodding in understanding. “Right.. right, yeah I know.” Sometimes, Rumi had her walls up too high for him to truly know if she was alright or not, but in this case he heavily doubted it.

Talking it out, setting things up, finally they seemed to be trying to let loose a little.  But while they were doing this?  For the first time in nearly a year, Zoey had paused, blinking and glancing out the window only to freeze and stare a bit wide-eyed.  Her hand had rushed under the table to give Mira’s sleeve a firm tug.  Mira didn’t stay confused long, glancing over and following Zoey’s gaze out beyond the glass.

And watching the hot pink hue shift that rippled over the Honmoon, flashing over and past them in just a second.  Trying not to react much, but their eyes had moved tensely to one another.

It was either a tear…

Or Rumi.

Trying to play it off was hard, trying to figure out a good excuse to leave?  Even harder, especially for Zoey.  That ended up being…

Not so hard for them in the end.

Mira heard hers and Zoey’s phones vibrate in their pockets at the same time, the two of them pausing when they’d felt it and looking to the other in reflex when paired with the Honmoon disruption.  Both had the same message, surely, but they were trying not to be rude.  Zoey’s leg had started bouncing, a bit antsy as her eyes flickered to her pocket almost immediately.

Bobby watched in confusion at first, but offered a smile. “Maybe you should check that.” Usually it was polite not to use phones at the table, especially in a restaurant, but after this whole conversation?  He’d be damned to not give them some leniency.

Zoey offered a small smile, nodding hurriedly. “Just a second!” She’d bow her head slightly before scrambling to fish her phone out of her pocket while Mira did the same.  The message being from their groupchat, they’d both opened up to the same page, and the same text.

All this time sitting here and getting comfortable, and what they read sent chills down their spine, short and simple, but set off all the alarms possible. 

Rumi🤍: Thank you for everything

Chapter Text

The second Zoey and Mira had actually left the house to go see Bobby, Rumi had done as she’d sworn she would.  She had laid right back down, curled up in bed.  Rumi was truly relaxed at first, happy to have been able to let her girlfriends have some time out of the house.  She knew that they loved her, and yet she also know that if they didn’t?  They might just compete with her for the depressed title, and she hadn’t wanted that for them.

Especially Zoey, who probably needed it the most.

Laying there, a few peaceful minutes of sleep were about all she was granted since then.  From drowsy.. to almost wide awake in a matter of seconds the next time she’d gone to turn over.  She was so tired, and yet could sleep whatsoever.  Rumi knew better than to wake up.  She tried to procrastinate it, eyes squeezing shut with a small shudder as she pulled the blankets more securely over her body to try and find a better position to find herself in.  Even just waking up, she could feel her patterns abuzz with pain, but more actively than before.  The sensation was relentless, more than it had been since…

Before they’d strengthened the Honmoon at the Idol Awards.

“You’re all alone..” Rumi had gone tense at the voice that drowned out her empty mind, breath hitching as her eyes had snapped open.  It was her own voice, and yet it wasn’t.  She knew who it truly was, trying not to react as she squeezed her eyes shut.

Burying herself in such shame through her own depression, not trying as hard to get better as she wished she could…  It all gave Gwi-Ma the perfect opportunity to make himself known once more.  Control.

The shame of her patterns was gone for the most part, the control he’d leeched off of so long ago.  The mistake that she was.

“A demon left to die a crueler fate than a human’s… and yet all you do is lay in your own pity.  I know you hear me.. why do you insist on pretending?”

Rumi drew in a slow breath, her stinging golden eyes focused ahead and on her claws hands as she tried not to outwardly react to any of it.  And yet.. she knew he could hear her thoughts if he’d found a way into her mind through his control, gritting her teeth together with suspicious difficulty.

“Shut up…“ Rumi knew he wasn’t really there, and yet it felt as if he was.  The way her memories over the past few long weeks flashed through her widening eyes.  The night she’d cried about wanting to die, trembling between her lovers.  Zoey crying over her the time she’d got so close to suicide she’d come crying into her room.  All of the times she’d seen their faces dampen around her…  Mira’s face when she’d had to admit she’d relapsed after a little over seven years.

“Just look at all the suffering you’ve gone through, the suffering that you’ve caused.  Don’t you want it to be over?”

“What..?” Rumi whispered it, almost unsure of what she was hearing as she remained laying still, hating how she’d genuinely stopped ignoring it with that last part.  Gwi-Ma had more control when he was in your head, than when he was outside of it.  Her mind almost feeling fuzzy, growing weaker and weaker the more she was forced to listen to her own voice talking down to her almost knowingly.

The only other person who would understand the extent of her suffering…

Herself.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?  I bet they are too.  So much pain, suffering, struggle.  It could all be over.  If you merely.. removed yourself from the equation.”

Rumi hated the fact.. she was losing control.  She didn’t want to, or maybe she wouldn’t have if she was all that mentally aware.  The control that Gwi-Ma had.. it was like a parasite to the host, Rumi’s breaths deepening more and more gradually as she stared emptily at the sheet beneath her head.  Starting to succumb to it, feeling her emotions ebbing away at first.  She almost found herself without control at all.

Except something just felt—

Wrong.

Not quite off, but her whole body felt different in a way and she hated the vague idea that something wasn’t right, even the sensation of her patterns dulled out in the shift she’d felt all at once.  Rumi drew her shaking hands up gradually, every movement shaky as she’d done so.  Trying to run a stressed hand up and over her braid in a sluggish motion, and yet feeling her claws clink against something solid along the crest of her head, having her freeze and instantly withdraw her nervous hands.

Rumi had nearly slipped entirely into the trap until then, sitting up abruptly with a soft gasp.  Hurriedly feeling up her head with both shaking hands, her breaths hardly even felt in her lungs by this point.  Her fingers slowly touched down, feeling the solid mass on her head again almost unsurely as she slid her fingers over the hard yet smooth surface.  What panicked her.. was that she could almost feel it to an extent, not just under her fingers.  Almost as if what she was feeling was an extension of her own body.

Rumi had thrown Mira’s blankets aside in an instant, in a blind panic as she’d rushed for her room instead, breaths growing ragged as she’d thrown open her door, reaching for her closet and ripping open the door to see the mirror hanging over it.  Rumi felt as if ice cold water had been thrown over her, staring back at her reflection with shaking breaths.  Around the top crest of her head, low and following the curve of her skull.. two black horns sprung out from along the upper line of her forehead, crowning back so closely around her braid almost purposely.

Eyes golden as she was used to, except her sclera bled almost black they were such a dark shade of purple, her whole face hardly recognizable to her own eyes.  Her parted lips, distinct fangs still evident, but with almost jagged tusks that pointed out distinctly from behind them as she stumbled back a step.

That wasn’t her.  Rumi wouldn’t accept it, shaking as she drew her hands up and watched her shaking hands draw themselves up to touch her head.  It was real.  Every inch of that face that stared back at her, real, and it twisted her stomach deeply. “No..” Disbelief, wanting to so badly live in the denial of what stared back at her through the glass.

Each breath more strained than the last, Rumi felt the tears welling up in her stinging eyes as she forced her hands up through her tight braid, the clawed ends of her fingers sliding through it with ease as she tugged it a bit haphazardly out of its neat nature, refusing to even look at herself anymore..

This couldn’t be happening, not now.  She’d accepted just who she was not all that long ago, the demon in her…  How could she face the world now, however?

This was the opposite of better.. she was meant to get better for them, not whatever this was.  She may have not fully wanted to, but she’d hoped deep down just maybe…

“You see yourself for what you are now.  What they see you as.”

Rumi squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head and holding her hair as it fell loose over her body messily in every direction.  She couldn’t breathe, trying so hard to fight the control.  She couldn’t cave, and yet it seemed so easy to.  The temptation was there, knowing it wouldn’t be fully her own fault. “Shut up..” Her voice calmed strained, thick with emotions as she tried so dearly to tune it out, the voice ringing loudly through her mind and drowning out the noise of her own brain.

Filling the only things she could vividly see, with the image of her demonic body quivering under her lovers’ eyes.  Morbid, sickening

“They left you on purpose.. don’t you know that?  They wanted to see you dead, to not have to keep you afloat.”

Rumi gritted her teeth with great effort, the extra teeth proving to make it more difficult as they kept her lips constantly parted at those spots as she tensed her claws in to clutch her head with all the strength she could muster. ”Shut up—!” The scream ripped from her throat, scraping it on the way out as the guttural force behind it seemed to make it raw.  The burning hot pink pulse ripping through the Honmoon distinctly from the sheer power behind the order she forced out with her scream and promptly buckled to the floor as her knees gave out with a thud.

Playing right into the fiery hands that clutched onto her racing heart, crawling along the patterns with rehearsed practice.

“You scream, and you scream…  But no one hears you.  They won’t save you.  Let yourself drown in it… find your eternal relief.” Rumi could feel her heart go from racing.. to almost instantly slow, her slitted eyes dilating in slow pulses.  Slowly, she didn’t even notice as her hands started to fall from their grip, ragged breaths slowing gradually as she felt her control slipping. “It could all be over, can’t you feel it?  No more pain.  You want freedom… and I can give it to you.”

She was so tired…

Rumi had never felt more tired, slowly looking down as she flexed her clawed hand and eyed the open palm.  Her sword slowly conjured into her relaxed grip, breathing so slowly as she looked down at it, face stoned and without any clear emotion.  Freedom with one cut.  She’d cut herself willingly before, what was one fluid motion?

Staring back emptily into her sword as she lifted it up, no visceral reaction to be seen.  Resting her free hand on the blade, staring into it and at the reflection of her own eyes.  Except.. her eyes weren’t alone, her calm expression falling more wide-eyed as the trance wavered.  Her golden eyes weren’t the only ones staring back at her, another pair off in the background hazily behind hers.

“They’d want a goodbye.” It wasn’t her own voice ringing that time, almost softer and more masculine.  With the wavering trance, something or someone was guiding her away. “They’d want something from you.”

Rumi stared, the conflicting thought storming in her mind.  Souled and soulless at war.  A soul that wasn’t her own guiding her, knowing where’d she go.

What she’d find.

Rumi blinked, her pupils shrinking slightly as she widened her gaze with a quick inhale, throwing her sword clattering aside, watching it gash through the floor in a clean cut and get rooted in place.  What demon was here?  What one.. that would want her to make her lovers find solace?  What was there left to say that she hadn’t said hundreds of times before?  Her eyes slowly shifted over to her bedside table, phone left facing up and unused for the past while now.  Moving over slowly.. unlocking it.  She stared back at the one text notification she now had, her eyes growing soft with sadness only momentarily.

Zoey💛: hii baby! Checking in on my beautfiul girl💕💕

Zoey was worrying.  She could tell, the cheeriness after Zoey had contemplated staying instead of leaving so many ties even though Rumi insisted it was fine?  It swarmed Rumi’s stilled heart with guilt, drawing in a slow breath before clicking in on the group chat between her and her lovers.

Finding the simplest thing to say that she didn’t think she’d said enough.  She needed to find more, and yet.. some things were better for paper than they were online.

She sent the text.

Rumi🤍: Thank you for everything

She’d never muted her phone and flipped it over faster, looking to her closet and shakily standing from the ground as she dragged her feet back over to the now open doors.  Every movement felt like lead weighting down her every muscles.

Half in… half out of it.  So many voices.. so many sounds swarming her head despite the new vacancy of thought.

Stepping to the open frame, avoiding contact with the mirror, her eyes dragged over the boxes, slowly starting to look through it all.

Rumi was digging through her closet, really just trying to find anything she could.  To leave behind for her lovers.. since the way she planned to go out would leave nothing of her behind for them.  It would be over, after all.  She wouldn’t have to be a burden.  If she finished this the way Celine should have, death by her own sword?  Maybe she wouldn’t be able to come back.  Maybe it really could be the end of the suffering she’d gotten over so long ago.

Her body had never felt more shaky and unstable, however, starting to find her mind on accident as the voices started to scream louder, the voice of reason seeming to die out.

But digging for anything she’d hidden away, any single thing that could be used as a reminder, an insistence that it wasn’t their fault.  That she loved them— how genuinely sorry she was for letting it go this far?  Something fell.  The thud was so soft as one of the cardboard boxes she’d neatly set up inside had toppled over, and Rumi felt her whole body freeze as she saw a family green tumbling out from the open top.

Rumi knelt down on the floor, trembling hands shakily reaching down and cupping what had fallen with such emotional pain as her eyes watered right up.  The familiar—yet long tucked away— face of the sea turtle stuffed animal that she held in her palms stared right back at her as she lifted it up, and all of a sudden the voices had gone silent.  Tracing a shaky thumb over it’s face with such gentle care, as if it had fallen on purpose, being so very careful with the clawed edge of her finger.

Was there ever really anything left to chance in her life..?

“Hi, Shelly…-“ Rumi’s voice cracked tearfully, thick with emotion as it trembled.  She remembered so long ago, when Zoey had first given this to her.

One little plush.

They’d only been stupid kids, trying to navigate her depression so oddly in the most gentle of ways that seemed so dumb now.  A plush, and she’d gone clean.  One gift, and she’d passed off every chance to harm herself.  If only that worked now…

Surely that couldn’t work now… right..?

Rumi stared back at it through empty, glassy eyes.  It wasn’t a person, it didn’t know how she felt.  No one was around, and yet.. she slowly drew it in closer, lip wobbling as her thumbs squeezed at the underneath of the soft shell.  Searching, feeling for what she was looking for inside.  And when she’d found it, felt the shift of stuffing and felt that pressure switch?  Rumi had gone dead silent.

“I love you..!”

Zoey’s voice greeted her ears, so childish and full of life, so young and free of worry once.  Rumi had the lingering thought itching the back of her mind, that she’d drained that life.  That spark, and yet she still saw it.  Zoey still had it, even in their weak moments.  She could recall just before they left, how Zoey’s whole face had lit up in being granted permission over one simple thing.  How she had allowed her that joy.

All at once, Rumi felt sick, nausea crawling up her throat and squeezing her chest as she willed her sword to disappear from where she’d thrown it carelessly into the floor.

And so it had.

What the fuck was she doing..?

Even like this.. she couldn’t.  She had to get better even if she didn’t want to, eyes blurry with tears as she stood slowly.  She’d tried to move back towards her bed, only to hardly make a few steps before her body fell weighted down to the floor with a small moan of pain upon impact as she clutched her arm that hit the hardest.  Even so, she never let Shelly hit the floor, holding the plush so securely in towards her chest.  Her body was shaking horrifically from the stress, the realization of what she’d almost done.

Rumi wasn’t letting herself submit to panic, staring emptily at the floor as she felt around to sink her claws into the grooves the sword had left in the floor to half-pull her body up just a little.  Sitting up, leaning against her bedside temporarily as she heaved herself to slump against it.  She hadn’t had an anxiety attack of any sort, and yet her body seemed to respond as if she had.

Rumi hated it with a passion, her eyes moving down to check on the stuffed animal more than herself in the moment.  Checking to make sure she hadn’t ripped it by holding it so tight.  Finding the innocent plush otherwise unscathed, she looked to the nightstand that was hardly in reach.

Rumi knew that if she had any chance of wanting to live to see the next day after all of that.. she’d need to try and make up for everything she’d just tried to do.  The last text she’d sent was running through her head now, knowing the stress she must have caused nearly making her sick.  Especially knowing she still partially wished that she could do it…

So despite herself, Rumi stretched out her arm with a wince, fishing to reach past the edge as she brushed her phone with her fingers. “Come on..- please..”

She didn’t know just how long she had.. if this was permanent freedom from the voices in her head or just a second to break from it.

The phone clattered to the ground as Rumi pointedly flexed her fingers, knocking it down pointedly next to her as she just let herself slowly lay onto her side to limit the shaking of her body.  Find her calm, despite the cloudy state her mind felt like it was in.  So sluggish.. almost berating herself for not following through when she’d come so close.  Opening that phone had just about made her close it and take it all back.

She’d set off just about every alarm they had with one simple message.

Mira🩷: What

Mira🩷: Rumi get back on the phone and let us know you’re okay

Zoey💛: baby?.?

Mira🩷: Answer us. Pick up right now

[3 Missed calls from : Mira🩷]

[5 Missed calls from : Zoey💛]

Rumi stared at the screen for a few seconds, even knowing the read receipt had gone through.  Not answering at all would worry them, but a mere text wouldn’t serve to bring much comfort to any one of them at all.  Rumi stared at the missed calls, closing the groupchat and skimming between the names.

Who did she even call right now?

She went for Mira‘s contact.. trying so hard not to push Zoey and make her feel worse than she knew she already did.  Rumi knew she’d been asking too much of her.. she couldn’t do that anymore.  Rumi tapped the call button, before setting the phone down a bit carelessly.  The second it started to ring…

The call track was cut out.

“Rumi?” Mira’s voice was full of concern, not even giving a second to make sure the call was going.  Her voice left Rumi pulling the phone slowly in across the floor, resting her cheek against it to hear it more clearly.  That voice was the one she had to listen to, not the ones she could hear starting up again in the back of her mind.

“Mir..” The nickname wasn’t often used.. Mira knew that much, instantly attentive and sitting up more straight as she tucked the phone against her cheek with her shoulder.  She was used to hearing it on occasion from her estranged family, mostly Min-ho since she refused to talk to— well, anyone else in her family besides him.

Rumi hadn’t spoken it.. for so incredibly long that Mira couldn’t even remember if she ever had, her eyes softening with a shaking breath. “Rumi.. whatever you’re thinking right now, don’t do it.  You hear me?  Talk to me, did you take anything?  Are you bleeding?” Mira sounded calm, firm.  But she was far from collected.  Her instant fear was that Rumi had gone to overdose, but there were so many terrifying options the more she thought about it.

Some things that they couldn’t easily mend, nor take back.

Rumi curled up into a ball on the floor, not trusting her own mind any longer.  She hadn’t let go of that stuffed animal for a single second, clinging to it as if it was the only thing clearing the voices that strived to strike her and drag her down when she was vulnerable.  Letting the phone rest on the ground with her, no longer holding it. “No.” Flat, and yet flat was better than nothing at all.

Mira exhaled with so much relief that it coated her next words despite still being a nervous wreck. “Okay, okay.  Are you still at home?  Would it be okay if we came back early?” Mira knew Rumi didn’t text without context like that.  She’d known what it had meant and even for once she’d almost gotten sick at the implication.  Having Rumi here on the phone was doing so much for her, though, keeping one hand constantly on the wheel.  Asking, as if she weren’t driving like hell to get there already.  Bobby in the passenger seat, having let her take his car the second their driver hadn’t been immediately available.

He was so incredibly worried, having no clue what was going on before he’d heard this call and staring with such concern.  Bobby had nearly thought Rumi needed an ambulance at first, but.. it sounded darker than that.

“In..- I’m in my room..  Please.” Mira hated that the plead for them to come home brought her any kind of relief, but it truly had.

Rumi had some kind of awareness right now, and she was lucky for it. “Okay.. okay Rumi, stay still right where you are, we’re not that far.” The second she’d said it, she’d reached up for the phone with one hand and offered it to the side. “Bobby, pass this to Zoey.  I can’t focus on the phone or I’ll run off the road.” Mira wasn’t going to be taking chances right about now, she had to get them home.

They had Rumi on the phone, and that wasn’t ending anytime soon if they couldn’t get there fast.  Keeping her head on straight.

Bobby carefully took the phone, putting his arm back a bit with a worried frown on his face. Zoey had taken it all too fast, cupping it right in to her cheeks.  She’d jinxed it, in her mind.  Her baby was suffering, she just had to jinx it… “Rumi?  Are you still there?" Zoey wanted to hear her so badly, to know she was really okay.

But hearing Zoey’s voice, Rumi felt her lip quiver as she sniffled and tried to hold back the tears that wanted to break from her eyes. “Zoey..-” So much guilt expressed in one simple word, her voice trying so hard not to break.  She’d tried to give her space.. to let Zoey and Mira have a night out away from her.

Look where it got them.

Zoey’s expression melted in relief despite the guilt she was wrestling with herself, teary in the eyes as she pulled her knees up to her chest.  Her voice had taken the softest airy lilt, being so very gentle the second she spoke again. “Hi.. oh hi..!” She couldn’t help how her voice shook, letting that relief drip into her tone.  There was almost no voice behind it, shaking with every word as cupped the phone in more and more to her cheek.

God, it was hard to hold herself together…

Rumi’s breaths were audible, coming slightly faster and more strained as she tried to suppress the urge to cry.  Zoey talking to her so sweetly as if she hadn’t interrupted the one break away from her they had.  Rumi couldn’t fathom the idea of being the reason they had to come back, maybe even more stressed than they had been before they’d left. “I’m sorry.. Zoey— I’m so sorry…” The tears were falling through, quivering as she held her body down on the floor, and knowing it was audible made it harder to fight it. “I tried..-“

Zoey was so worried to hear her breaking, eyes soft as she wiped her own tears hurriedly.  Her girl… “No, no..  Hey, I’m so proud of you, baby..!” Even in tears, trying to soothe her poor lover. “It’s not your fault, I promise-!” Zoey couldn’t help but feel it was her own, for genuinely thinking that leaving Rumi alone when she was still showing such clear signs of her depression was an okay idea.

She should have stayed, she swore it now.

Rumi felt her arms tense in to hold herself, fighting back the sob she heard when the consolation came through the phone speaker.  She knew it wasn’t fully true.. and yet she was still hanging off of every word.  That motion, however, the pressure sensor inside of the turtle plush?  It was triggered as she hugged it in, the audio leaking into the phone speaker from the close position. “I love you..!”

Zoey had gone silent for a second as it garbled through the phone speaker, in and out as it debated on whether or not it was a sound that was worth picking up.  She recognized it in an instant, however, eyes wide as her eyes lifted to the rear view mirror in complete reflex. “Is.. is that Shelly, baby?” Zoey verbalized it, noticing how Mira’s eyes snapped up to meet hers in the reflection when she’d caught the mention.

Crisis mode.

She knew what comfort that had served.  What Shelly meant now was both good.. and completely worrisome that Rumi had him, clinging to something that was theirs.  Anything at all.  It was better than nothing, though.

Poor Bobby was listening to this whole conversation, left in the dark and yet completely worried even without any details.

Rumi was dead silent on the other side at first, trying not to react outwardly as she failed to cover up the fragile situation.  She was afraid to show she wasn’t fully okay, even now.  When she was trying to play it off on the phone just a little. “I..”

Zoey didn’t waste any time, taking a slow breath and forcing a wobbly smile so that it would reach her tone. “Can you give him a big squeeze for me?  Big and tight, like we practiced?” When they’d learned Mira needed tight affection to regulate herself, it was a separate moment.  But right now it applied, Zoey just trying to coach her through it.  That one night, she hadn’t helped her.  Zoey knew she should have helped more, found a way to console her more, and yet now she was trying her best to not get overwhelmed.

Rumi was okay, she was right there with her.

Rumi closed her eyes in the dark of the room, letting the light that glowed out from them be shadowed out by the skin of her eyelids.  One big squeeze.. and the audio sounded out again, more clearly as Rumi had fully curled into a fetal position just beyond her phone.  Letting the only thing she heard be Zoey right now. 

It was helping distract her from the darkness swarming her mind.

Bobby’s car pulled to a stop, Zoey’s eyes had snapped up so fast, reaching immediately for the door handle. “Thank you, Bobby!” The hurried call out came through all too fast, Rumi pausing with a small sniffle.

Were they here?

Was she safe..?

Rumi could only hope, laying there and trying to believe it was true.  She didn’t know how much more she could handle right now, the silence screaming in her mind.  The call disconnecting had Rumi’s heart drop, eyes flicking open to eye the finished call time with fear. “Please don’t leave me alone.. please..” Pleading to herself as if she felt she deserved it, her sobs not even fully forming as they fell weakly from her lips.

She didn’t want to be alone…

The sound of the elevator, however, silenced her crying as she strained to listen.  The thrum, the doors opening.  She wasn’t alone… they’d made it.  They’d tried so hard to sound collected on the phone, and yet laying there on the ground Rumi had felt every frantic footstep that fell the second they’d left the elevator.  Both of them were practically running through the penthouse to get to Rumi’s room as fast as possible, full of dread.

Neither had hung up, the call merely having connection issues at the worst possible time and scaring both sides.

Mira nearly threw the door open in her panic, turning the knob quickly and stepping inside.  The room was incredibly dark, not a light in sight.  Besides.. well, her lover’s crumpled form on the ground, every pattern glowing incredibly dim.  That made it so clear that something was wrong, however, the limited light that spilled from the hall was showing more than just the stuffed animal tucked in Rumi’s arms.  The horns.. the fangs, it was all new, and Rumi seemed almost paralyzed by the light hitting her golden eyes from the hall at first, blinking them a few times with a wince.

It was a little disorienting.

Zoey was frozen, but shook herself out of it with a quick breath, hurrying over and dropping right to her knees.  Concern was evident, especially as Rumi had shakily gone to sit up and had to physically push her body up from the ground with trembling arms.  She didn’t look to be in good shape, her eyes soft and sad, despite the clear relief seeing them brought her alone. “You’re okay.. you’re..-” At first, Rumi almost thought Zoey was comforting her, the way she’d cupped her face.  But in all reality, it clicked as her head was being turned.

It was realization, coming to terms that Rumi hadn’t hung up because she was going to…—

The sentence never finished itself, and that was fine by all means, Rumi nestling right into Zoey’s palm and yet never shutting her eyes.  Seeing Zoey here was helping so much more than she thought, even through watery eyes.  She was just so genuinely happy Rumi wasn’t hurt, she didn’t even care about how she looked right now, inspecting every little detail of Rumi’s teary face as she took a deep breath and forced such a wide smile with a breathy laugh before pulling her in close.

Heads resting together, Zoey was fighting back tears and failing as they fell down her face.  A jinx or not.. it didn’t cost her the life of the woman she loved.

That in itself had her so thankful it hadn’t…

Mira had slowly approached, skimming the room with a soft frown.  The closet left a bit of a wreck, still ajar with boxes and items scattered unnaturally in and just beyond it.  For their cleanly lover, it was clear there had been a bit of a desperate scramble for something, only hoping it had truly been for Shelly and not anything else.

They’d ask questions after, for now Mira pressed the concern aside with a slow sigh and joined them down on the floor with a slow kneel.  Rumi felt the gentle hand just barely skimming over one of her horns after a long second, turning her head slightly away from Zoey’s with a soft hum.  Gently looking them over, the sight odd, and yet Mira still offered a gentle look to Rumi despite her frown.  Eyeing the far more defined fangs and.. extra canines with some worry. “Do they hurt?”

Usually, the demonic parts of Rumi’s appearance came with some sense of pain when they formed, her claws a rare exception to the fact.  As the eyes, the defined pink patterns, they almost always brought pain with them when they happened.  And yet Rumi shook her head despite it, her eyes moving back down to the stuffed animal still lodged safely in her arms. “No.. it was like this when I woke up.” She wasn’t all that focused on it despite how self conscious she felt about the changes.

Her own mind felt scarier than her appearance.

Mira nodded wordlessly despite lingering her eyes over the new features, sighing to herself and trying to not focus on them.

The more prominent they got, the more she feared Rumi would lose herself to it in her heart.  Not to the demons, or even to Gwi-Ma.  But to herself. “Okay.  Good.” Mira hugged a loose arm around Rumi, rubbing her side with a slow motion and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek.  She scared the shit out of them tonight. “Do you still feel scared to be alone?”

Rumi was quiet at first, feeling both pairs of eyes on her just waiting for an answer. “Honestly?  I still do, I really do.. but I’ll be okay, I think.” Rumi wasn’t convinced, and her words themselves didn’t serve to ease her lovers’ minds either.

But it was better than a lie, Zoey hugging right onto Rumi with a tighter squeeze at the words and holding her in tight.  Rumi’s hair was so long, it fell over most of her body in long untamed waves, but it made it so much easier to hug her without trapping that braid in the hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay…” Zoey really thought this had been it, running a hand up through Rumi’s hair and cupping the back of her head so carefully, even when her fingers fell half against the horn in the way. “We’re not going anywhere, I promise.  You aren’t alone anymore.” Zoey insisted so, taking in every little thing in the moment to even ease her own heart.

Tonight could have been the last time they’d seen her.  It was hanging over their heads the whole time, really, Mira threading her fingers through the long hair to tuck it back over Rumi’s shoulder to make sure she didn’t pull any of it.  Rumi’s face had fallen entirely, however, looking just past her with a frozen look.  Mira didn’t like the look of it, pausing unsurely as she tilted her head, trying to get her attention bt obscuring Rumi’s vision of whatever she saw. “What?  What is it?”

Rumi didn’t answer, her pupils shrinking fully as she took in the figure standing just beyond them.. in the lit hall.  Staring down at them.. at her.  She never wanted this day to come, her heart freezing as her mind became the only thing she could hear.

“Rumi..?”

Everything else faded out the second her eyes widened, breaths freezing immediately at the rough hitch that followed the dead frozen stare.

“Bobby-..?”

Chapter Text

Bobby’s voice had both the other girls’ eyes widening right alongside Rumi’s they second they’d processed it.  They had whipped their heads around hurriedly at the same time, immediately their faces dropping as all of the color that held to the faces was lost.  Seeing Bobby right there was almost like a bad dream, one Rumi badly wanted to wake up from.  It wasn’t just concern about where he was… he saw her, they all knew he did, neither wanting to be the first to move.  Bobby was standing just at the door frame, a hand resting against it while staring in shock at the sight in front of him.  They knew where his eyes were, however, and it had them on edge in an instant.

He was looking right at Rumi.

Rumi ripped her unoccupied hand up with a violent motion, clamping up to hide the sight of her mouth the second her eyes had met Bobby’s.  All at once, she felt her throat close up meeting his frozen gaze.  It wasn’t the first time he’d been so close to finding out, not at all in fact.  At one time, it had been just as traumatizing.

The Idol Awards.

The fans had all seen it, and yet wrote off the claws and everything else they’d seen as unique costume designs and a fake band breakup to tease a new album— and the world just accepted that as an excuse for the horror they’d seen.  That the Saja Boys were just a publicity stunt, never a true band.  So many lies, so close to finding out the truth if they’d only questioned it.

And now there was no lie that could protect them from this.

Not one he’d believe.

Mira had stood up abruptly, trying to block out Bobby’s view of the demon girl in the middle of the room with tense movements.  She knew he had seen Rumi, and yet trying to figure out what to say was even harder to comprehend in this situation as she used her body as a blockade. “Bobby..” He shouldn’t be in there, not right now.  It wasn’t helping, Mira could just tell when she could hear Rumi’s breaths being choked back behind her hand.

Ragged and sickeningly cut off from refusal of air.

Zoey was instantly trying to put her fingers under Rumi’s claw tips seeing how hard she was locking her hand on to shelter even some of her features from view. “Rumi— you need to breathe..  Come on, put your hand down for me.” Gentle coaxing as if she wasn’t visually shaking trying to wedge her hand under Rumi's, swallowing heavily as she had to use both of her hands to try and pry the hand down and away.  She couldn’t let her do it, but the strangled sob Rumi had made when she had?

It broke Zoey’s heart into pieces, her eyes soft despite the tears that jerked up into them seeing her like this. “Baby..-”

Rumi just wasn’t listening, she could hardly hear Zoey’s voice ringing with worry as she so gently coaxed her down.  She was just hyperventilating at this rate, even with the lack of air.  She was sickened just having their eyes on her by now, feeling it under her skin as Zoey pulled Rumi’s hand even just a tiny gap away from its tight grip.

Zoey knew despite her panic, Rumi wouldn’t hurt her willingly, that awareness being enough for Rumi’s hand to tremble and slightly unfurl.  Trying so very hard not to hurt her.

“Mira, what is..  That’s..— ” Bobby gestured towards Rumi, so alarmed and yet not able to find the words to express it, his eyes searching Mira’s for any explanation. “What is going on?” If he didn’t know any better he’d say she looked like a demon.

Those horns…

Mira was finally starting to get choked up, tense and glancing back to Rumi and Zoey.  Trying to be with all of them at the same time was hard when she was trying to deflect this whole conversation.  And an aggravated groan was what she mustered first, feeling so very frustrated with everything happening at once and turning her expression dead serious with a bit of a harder glare than she’d intended to give him. “Bobby, I will explain everything in a minute, but right now Rumi needs us.  Whether you’re confused or scared— she needs something.” Every second she wasted standing here, Mira couldn’t help but feel she was letting both of her girlfriends down, making them work it out themselves, and it had her irritable and tense in the moment.

Her head wasn’t on as straight as she wanted it to be.  Bobby’s eyes were wide, but forced himself to take a breath as he nodded despite the number of questions piling up in his mind. “Okay.. okay, I’m calm.  I’m calm.”

Was he?  No.

Not at all, but he’d put up a front if it meant doing anything at all for his girls after that terrifying car ride of knowing nothing about what was happening except for what he was hearing.  Even right now.  All he’d heard was taking things, bleeding, and that was enough for him to fill in some of the blanks.

Mira was unsure, seeing the nervousness hiding poorly in Bobby’s eyes— and yet there wasn’t time to waste in this moment, Mira shaking exhaling as she nodded.  Right now, trying was better than nothing.  She turned back around, walking right over and getting back down on her lovers’ level with her stern face falling more gentle when she heard every ragged breath clear as day. “Hey.. easy, Rumi look at me.” Usually she listened, or showed some sign of hearing her— but Rumi didn’t even spare her a glance, eyes rooted down when not squeezing her eyes so tightly shut.

Zoey had kept her fingers carefully pressed under Rumi’s claws the whole time, cradling the clawed tips in her palm.  Effectively keeping Rumi’s hand distanced from the thin skin of her face.  Zoey found her gentle whispering falling silent as she was joined, looking over to Mira a bit worriedly. “She’s not calming down— She usually calms down a little by now but..-” An anxiety attack in the mix wasn’t good.

Not with her mental state right now.

Rumi was terrified of Bobby finding out, it was crystal clear to both of them.  They were hunters.. they were supposed to be secretive, to hide all of this from the modern world.  Especially people who weren’t involved in any of it, to see her for what she was.  Maybe with Mira and Zoey she felt loved and embraced despite it all, but Bobby?  Celine would have never forgiven her, surely.  Maybe she had been right.  Maybe the people she cared for never would understand.  Some of it surely had been rooted in reality…

Celine was right.  Maybe she’d been trying to save her all along…

The thoughts filled Rumi’s mind, endlessly swarming as she stayed frozen, feeling Zoey and Mira trying to pull her attention and failing to do so.  What finally got Rumi’s attention?  Was seeing and feeling so subtly as an extra pair of shoes started working their way towards her.  Rumi’s pupils were shrunk down, feeling her breaths shallowing out as her hand tensed in Zoey’s.  Fighting the contact, so badly wanting to hide in the moment no matter what it would cause.

Bobby saw her.. why weren’t they doing anything?  Why weren’t they helping her?

She was so far gone in her mind, feeling Mira’s hand rubbing her shoulder so slowly when Rumi’s breathing only worsened. “Rumi.. Hey—” Maybe she was speaking.  Maybe not.  Rumi couldn’t hear them, her ever-active mind spiraling and trying so badly to demonize the world around her as her mind forgot to even focus on her rapidly uneven breathing.  Was it even her own mind?  She couldn’t be fully be sure whose voice it was in her mind.

Who could Rumi trust if she couldn’t even trust herself..?

Zoey’s eyes widened as Rumi’s patterns started to pulse, holding her hand a little tighter than intended as she hurriedly skimmed over Rumi’s form. “Hey, hey no no-!”

Rumi wanted to get out of there.. now.

She could travel through the tears before, through the breaches in the damaged Honmoon.  Maybe she could now.

Except Zoey’s desperately hardened grip had some of Rumi’s focus, her hazy vision eyeing the contact almost as if it was foreign as she’d stayed rigid and tense.  Because as much as she focused on Zoey’s hand, hardly recognizing her in her sickened panic.. there was a face that appeared just beyond it, and soon enough two hands were helping lower hers down.  One noticeably larger than any of her girls’.  Rumi’s slitted pupils snapped up to focus, all too fast, and yet she was frozen in terror as she made out the face waiting for her to.

Bobby.

Bobby had lowered himself down so slowly, frowning with such a hesitant form of worry.  His hand guiding hers down, so full of concern to see her like this but holding onto a softer expression for her sake. “Hi…” His voice was the first to breach her panicked haze, even if it felt difficult to make out.  Reading his lips made it plenty clear enough for Rumi.

Rumi couldn’t meet his eyes long, her eyes watering as she hiccuped in a quick breath, her hand resisting the touch so fast.  She could still hide it, so her body begged, at least until she disappeared.  And yet, she didn’t.  Not when Bobby tilted his head so slowly to the side as he took in Rumi’s appearance.  Up close.. maybe it wasn’t as different as he’d thought it had been. “Wow.. you’ve really got some serious chompers don’t you?” Bobby smiled with a small laugh, making sure to keep his tone as soft as his expression in the moment.

Rumi had not expected that to be his response, forcing her fearful eyes open as confusion took ahold of her unsure heart.  Even looking back at her unnatural eyes, Bobby only widened that smile as his head tilted slightly to the side.  That shouldn’t have been his response, Rumi’s mind didn’t think it was true to see let alone hear.

How could he smile looking back at her?

Rumi’s pupils gradually turned blown, large and sad rather than small and afraid as her pupils grew incredibly dilated as that fear mixed with a self-conscious guilt.  Seeing him taking in her new look slowly with that smile, even if it was a little forced at first.  Bobby didn’t look at her like the monster she knew that she was to him right now.  The one she knew she looked like…  Bobby wouldn’t dare make this any worse, visually more than concerned, however.

If he wasn’t trying so hard to keep his composure, he’d be freaking out the second he’d ran up after them.  Maybe frantically googling ‘what to do when your star singer turns into a demon?’ if he even had one second to process what was going on, but he didn’t.  Bobby just had to be present in the moment, doing his very best for Rumi seeing she was just as afraid— if not more— than he was.

It helped him collect himself a little more.  Even if she looked a little scarier and different than he was used to, that was still one of his girls…  The one he could still see so clearly despite the changes throughout her entire appearance.

How could Bobby ever turn them away?

Rumi stared so long, but against her will those ragged and uneven breaths had slowly started to deepen, even when her lips quivered with the tears that threatened her eyes.  No matter how many times she’d asked in her mind just why he wasn’t afraid of her, that alone had some tension slowly easing from her crumpled form.  

He wasn’t afraid of her.

Bobby’s smile widened so sadly, sighing slowly seeing the slow progress. “Hi there..” Oh, maybe he was repeating himself a little, but this time it seemed she’d heard him.  Judging by her now pointed ears that flicked up so subtly, properly hearing the words.  Rumi was shaking, her hand tensing in Zoey and Bobby’s grip as her other hand stayed clutched tightly around the stuffed animal she couldn’t bring herself to let go of.  It was almost her lifeline until this very second.

Bobby saw her legs slowly lowering, blinking before retaining his smile and holding out his other arm. “It’s okay.. you’re okay, we’re right here okay?” He wasn’t mad at any of this as much as he maybe should have been.  Shellshocked?  Absolutely!

But he wasn’t holding it against them.  He was here whenever they needed him, whenever they were ready.

Rumi heard him speaking so carefully to her, almost like he was consoling a child.  Maybe anyone else might be offended, but as vulnerable as this moment was for her, that alone was enough for her to break.  Rumi’s hand stopped resisting theirs, really dropping the contact to shift onto her knees as her hands fell limp, Shelly falling to the floor accidentally.  Bobby wasn’t even surprised when she’d leaned forward and just.. clung onto him, so tight that she seemed convinced he’d pull away.  Bobby sighed so slowly as he wrapped his arms right around her, leaning his head against Rumi’s as he rubbed her back.

“I’ve got you…  Deep breaths.” Bobby’s eyes had moved to the other two with his smile dimming just a bit, but because some relief seemed to hit all of them.

He didn’t like what was going on, holding Rumi so securely in as Mira mouthed a silent ‘thank you’. They knew they had a lot to explain, maybe even a lot being a complete understatement even still, but for now, Rumi came first.

Zoey had so carefully picked Shelly off of the ground, carefully hugging the stuffed animal in close as she released the breath she’d been holding. “I love you..!” The voice box sounded off, for more than just Rumi’s comfort this time.  Zoey felt so very guilty in her heart, for even daring to leave Rumi alone knowing how poorly she’d felt.

If she’d just stayed home and been there for Rumi instead of leaving her the one chance she’d gotten to…  Maybe this all could have been avoided.

Zoey felt at fault, truly, staring down at Shelly with teary eyes as her other hand moved to rest on Rumi’s back as she fell into her guilt. “We’re right here..”

Sitting there, letting the silence be filled by the soft sobs and cries that drowned it out just a little.  A standstill, one they dearly needed after the frantic drive and dash up to get there in time.  Bobby held Rumi until it seemed she consoled herself enough to find her calm.  Still afraid to move, really, her newly sharpened ears drooping way back in some guilt as she drew in slower breaths, golden eyes slowly peeking open.  The world wasn’t so hazy any longer, but she felt…

Exhausted.  Drained.  That anxiety attack was probably the last thing she needed.

Poor timing seemed to be a theme today, really.

Rumi took a few more moments to pull away, hesitant and drawing in a slow breath as she sat back a little onto her legs.  Rumi didn’t want to speak just yet, wrestling with her thoughts in some quiet doubt.  Mira smoothed a hand over her lower back, keeping her eyes soft with worry as she tilted her head to the side with worry as she tried to take in Rumi’s dampened expression. “Take a second, okay?” Anxiety attacks got to her, that much she knew.

Bobby finding out had just sent everything out of whack.

Rumi hadn’t been prepared, and really neither had they.

Bobby just waited, his expression soft as she had tried to lean more towards concern than anything else. “Rumi?  You okay?” He kept such a small smile, gentle and affectionate as he kept his eyes on her.  Bobby had his focus where it should be.. on her.  Not the shock that still hit him so hard seeing her looking like this.

Rumi hadn’t truly wanted to verbalize anything, but dragged out a slow exhale as she nodded and pushed through it against her own mind. “Yeah…  I’m okay.” She insisted so a bit softly, even if she couldn’t hold his gaze very long as she broke it to eye her lap with such a soft frown.  So much was going on.. and not long after she’d nearly ended it all.  How could she pretend it was alright when she just felt so-…

Heavy…

Bobby didn’t hold any of it against her, though, nodding as his expression remained soft. “Okay…. I’m going to go bring up some of the food.. and when you’re all ready, maybe then we can talk.  Or not!  That’s fine too, just take your time, okay?” Unlike what Mira had expected, Bobby wasn’t rushing the explanation, since he saw no reason to.  He’d get his answers eventually, and right now seemed like too fragile of a moment to bring it up.

Zoey offered him a weak smile, nodding slightly as she held onto Rumi’s arms so carefully. “Thanks, Bobby.” Maybe still a little weird…

But they were going to have to give it some time to feel normal.

Bobby rubbed Rumi’s arm in a comforting gesture before finally standing to leave.  Their eyes followed him every step of the way, really, only turning to each other when his steps faded out.  Mira had instantly turned to Rumi when he had, eyes soft with concern as she slowly cupped her lover’s face in careful hands.  Her fingers traced the skin, damp from tears even still, but Mira didn’t mind. “Just take a deep breath, okay?” It was definitely not a good time for a scare like this, since Rumi was already fragile and full of guilt.  But.. it was over.

At least the worst part of it was.

Rumi nodded into the contact as she leaned so subtly into it, though her eyes remained trained down on the ground and at her own lap rather than meeting Mira’s eyes.  She wasn’t ready for that, not just yet.  Zoey hugged to her side, holding Rumi’s arm so carefully as she’d moved in closer to be snug up against her.  Shelly squished right up between the touch.  Some contact to ground Rumi back in reality helped, even if she still would feel completely drained from the situation at hand.  It was so much to go through in just a matter of hours.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Rumi had whispered it after the long moment passed, the silence having dragged on too much for her liking. “I’m sorry.” Having the voices suddenly so quiet, however, even her patterns had started to dull out in color,  a mix of their usual— and that purple shade that had lingered over the past while.  She hadn’t been thinking straight and she knew it, but even still?  She knew she’d done it.

The fault still fell on her.

Mira frowned hearing it, however, using her hold to tilt Rumi’s face up to look at her. “I know.  You had a rough moment, that’s all.  None of us are going to blame you for that.” She didn’t need to apologize, and yet Mira knew Rumi always would.

Her guilt wasn’t easy to suppress.

“But you should.” Rumi scoffed, a little exasperated as she let her shoulders droop with the sound.  She was frustrated with herself over it. ”I didn’t even do anything…  I— I freaked you both out for no reason, that isn’t right…” Rumi felt there was more shame in giving them a false scare than actually ending up on the floor dying than forcing them to come to her rescue in the end with no reason to be there.  She felt as if she’d wasted their time and created a whole new problem instead by not suffering alone, her eyes shifting towards the door with some hesitation. “And Bobby…”

He knew.  Rumi knew it was her fault in this case, squeezing her eyes shut.  Bobby shouldn’t have gotten dragged into this mess in the first place.

Mira shook her head firmly, however, not even upset about that right now as Rumi’s eyes were dragged back to hers finally. “We can handle Bobby, Rumi.” It was Bobby, after all.  He was the least of their concerns.

He loved them.

Zoey wasn’t so happy to hear it, either, pressing a small kiss to Rumi’s exposed shoulder with a worried frown holding to her lips. “You got scared.. but you came to us..!  I’d rather you called every time you even considered something like this than just.. not.” Zoey admitted it with such a sad face, but only hugged onto Rumi a little more.  Sliding her hand down from her arm and taking hold of Rumi’s hand with a gentle squeeze, even if they were left in their clawed state.  It didn’t scare them to see any longer.

It was a part of the woman they loved.

Rumi wanted to argue, to say that it wasn’t anythinf to be happy about, but the more the frustration would tight in her chest.. she felt her lip wobbling as the emotion started to overwhelm her. “Damn it—..” The soft murmur fell under her breath, sniffling as Mira had gently started to wipe them away without a moment to spare.

Her whole expression was gentle, tilting Rumi’s head down and leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “There’s our brave girl.” Not even mad that she couldn’t accept what they said so easily, Mira knew firsthand that was hard.  Rumi needed time.

And maybe a therapist…

Rumi needed professional help and bad, but she had to be willing to get that help.

So she took a few minutes just to collect herself fully, the anxiety attack still weighing down her body and emotions with a noticeable damper to them.  But even still, she pulled away slowly with a sigh. “We..- we shouldn’t keep him waiting out there.” Rumi couldn’t stop thinking about him being out there, feeling too poorly about making him wait.  Especially when he just walked into the most horrifying secret he probably ever could, and still gave them their space while not asking too many questions.

Bobby tried way too hard for them, and in this case.. he deserved those answers.

Mira nodded, understanding where Rumi was coming from even if she wasn’t completely thrilled by the idea. “And you’re sure you can handle that?” Mira had to check, even if she would follow along if that was really what Rumi wanted.  That fresh out of a panic attack and suicidal spiral, and she was still trying to think of anyone except for herself?  Mira was definitely keeping a close eye on Rumi.

Rumi nodded anyways, however, her eyes had fallen soft with the concern aimed her way. “I don’t want you both to have to handle everything.  I’ll be okay.” She had to do this, really she couldn’t see it any other way right now considering the mess she’d thrown them into.  For now, Mira let it slide with a slow sigh weighing her down.

Rumi could have her win, Mira carefully lowering her hands from Rumi’s face and out to her patiently, “Alright..  Come on, we’ve got you.” Rumi blinked slightly, honestly expecting to be refused.  Even still, she found a tiny smile as she reached out to take the help, Zoey’s hands finding her waist instead to help her upright.

Rumi was noticeably weak in the legs at the moment, really all of her muscles not excited to be functioning.  From the anxiety attack, to the fact that Gwi-Ma had managed to control the voices swarming her head, Rumi really did accept that she needed time to recover.  She’d have to tell them about that later…

That was the biggest concern to them right now, Rumi felt that way at least.

So… they went to see Bobby.

It had maybe been the weirdest conversation they’d had since they’d had to come out to him, all three sitting on the couch eating while he sat on the ground across from them.  Soaking in all of this information with the most gobsmacked expression he possibly could hold.  All of them contributed, really.  Demons, the Honmoon, being Demon Hunters, as much as they could think of really.

And Rumi’s dad being one.

Letting it all set in was a little worrying since he just emptily looked at them with a wide eyed look.  Giving him a bit before even trying to add anything more on top of this.  Bobby was just staring, blinking so slowly as he drew a hand up through his hair in some subtle stress and disbelief. “Okay-..  Wow, uh, that was..” It was a lot, he wasn’t going to lie.  It was hard to process any of this, but he was trying his best.

Zoey smiled a little nervously, giggling as she sunk down slowly against the couch. “Yeah.. but it’s not all bad!  Besides disappearing without explaining and killing a bunch of demons.. that— wasn’t so good.” Poor Bobby had never known where they’d go off to in the middle of shows or rehearsals, but now?

He had a pretty good idea, pausing and shaking his head so slowly. “That explains so much.” Sometimes he’d just be speaking, and all of a sudden they’d be gone!  He tried not to let it bother him, that they had so much stress on them at the time…  And now that he understood?  He realized just how much stress that was.  Fighting demons right on stage, it hadn’t been special effects any of those times.  Bobby didn’t even know if he wanted more answers, but he pressed despite that with some realization seeming to hit him. “So.. the Saja Boys?”

“Demons.” Rumi confirmed it with a small nod, frowning as she picked at her food a little.  Not the most hungry after everything that happened, but trying to eat despite that.  It was something to do, rather than talking.

Zoey nodded, leaning back with a bit of a huff. “They were gorgeous.. but demon gorgeous!  Actually, they almost took yours and everyone else’s souls in the whole city at that concert too..  So, they were actually pretty good at it.” Trailing off in thought, Zoey tilted her head with a thinking look.  Yeah, they’d nearly lost the entire world in one night.

How they took that lightly now, even they didn’t know.

Mira sighed softly seeing Bobby’s frozen look.  His soul? “Zoey..” Maybe sounding almost scolding at first, trying to keep it a little less.. threatening.

Zoey realized her mistake, pouting a little as she shrugged her shoulders. “What—!  They did!” It had been too close for comfort.

Bobby took a slow breath, cupping his hands slowly over his mouth.  He’d almost died all that time ago and he hadn’t even known it, but most of all?  He was entirely concerned. “What do you mean.. you saved the entire city and the world and never took your hiatus?” Oh, he was upset for them, really.  They’d mauled hordes of demons and saved whatever souls they could only to go right back into normal life and working hard hours.

No wonder Rumi wasn’t doing good, Bobby couldn’t believe them right now!

All three of them held somewhat guilty looks, glancing between one another as Bobby looked for any consolation for that discovery. “We got Rumi to the bathhouse a few times but..- no, not really…” They’d had small breaks between shows for vocal rest and to prepare for the next, but besides that?  They’d just tried to fit back into routine to not be so obvious about what had truly happened that day.

“You’re taking a hiatus..  You all deserve it, and you need it.  Big time.” Bobby couldn’t believe any of this at first, and yet he knew they wouldn’t lie and look so serious about it.  Especially seeing Rumi like this…  He couldn’t let them continue on like this with a good conscience, and he couldn’t be more encouraging of Mira asking for them to go on one finally.  He’d just wished he’d known sooner. “I mean.. who else would save the world and keep going?  No one!  You deserve it… all of you do.”

Rumi cleared her throat softly, biting her lip awkwardly in debate before slowly speaking with some resigned admittance.  It was time Bobby found out, surely, especially so many years past that fact. “Well, Celine did…”

…

Bobby dropped his takeout bin into his lap, staring dead at the girls with his hands going slack with his jaw.  Celine… had been— or was— a hunter.  A Demon Hunter.

“She did what?!”

Chapter Text

From there, it truly seemed as if Bobby was calming down about the situation despite how much of a shock it had been to hear of it all.  The explanation of demons— of all things— had gone over scarily well in general, hardly a hitch in any of that explanation.  Better than any of them seemed to think it would, which was a relief they needed after everything else they’d had to go through.

It felt like a weight starting to ease from their shoulders, sitting and eating while the details were carefully being explained between bites.

Bobby had questions, especially since he’d never truly noticed a single demon before the post-Idol Awards concert.  Things were making more and more sense, especially since he’d never imagined Mira nor Zoey would publicly fight and humiliate Rumi out on the stage.  So many answers, ones that finally put some of his worries to rest.

Slowly, it felt to Bobby as if he was making sense of plenty of things.  All the talk about pain, taking things, he just assumed by now… this was something painful to go through. “So.. is that why you needed the hiatus?  Is this the problem?”

The question seemed to have each and every one of the girls pause.  Mira went to respond first, to gently deny, but Rumi beat her to it.  She hesitantly forced a smile and nodded despite knowing very well that wasn’t all. “Yeah..- this is it.” The smile held strain as the lie fell through, Bobby sighing in such relief as he heard the words.

He just wanted his girls safe, and though it was a relief— it wasn’t a true answer.

Neither Zoey nor Mira were too fond of the lie themselves, both of them turning their heads to face her with some surprise— and disapproval in their gentle expressions while looking at her.  This was meant to be letting Bobby in, not shutting him out…

But Rumi had spoken, even subtly averting her eyes from theirs when she’d felt the questioning looks falling on her.  She didn’t want to answer them, not just yet.

For now, convincing Bobby was her concern.

“Whew..!  Am I glad to hear that.  Gosh, I was so worried something big was happening that you girls weren’t telling me… and well— clearly I was right, but..-” Bobby chuckled to himself, missing the guilty look Rumi gained at the comment before quickly covering up with a polite smile and nod.  Bobby was content as he closed his takeout container, looking at the time with a hum of debate. “Well, it really is getting late.  I should really let you girls rest…  Remember, no work!  You three need to be relaxing, you hear me?”

He wanted them to enjoy their time off.  Clearly, they needed it.

Mira nodded with a suppressed sigh choked back as she watched Bobby stand, trying not to react too outwardly just yet. “Loud and clear, Bobby.”

“Bye, Bobby!”

“Bye, Bobby.”

Bobby chuckled, waving happily over his shoulder as he stood and went off towards the elevator to gives them their space for the night. “Bye, girls!” Leaving, he truly felt happy despite still feeling the shock of the situation in his heart.  Bobby had a lot of things to reconsider, especially since he’d grown up with the past group of Demon Hunters at his side.  How didn’t he notice?

But when he turned that corner into the elevator, those smiles dimmed, Zoey and Mira’s expressions falling from their forcibly contented facades with little time to spare.  They weren’t exactly thrilled with the decision to hide the truth of what was going on after the effort they’d put in to let Bobby know.

Rumi expected it, too, sighing slowly as she felt their “Guys.. come on, we literally just dumped demons and Gwi-Ma on him.  I can’t put another problem on top of that; he’s already processing everything we said.”

She didn’t want him to have another thing to think about, or maybe she just didn’t want to see that acceptance melt away.  He’d feel bad just hearing what she had to say, Rumi knew Bobby would.  For not seeing what she was going through, or for thinking she had to pretend in front of him for so long before telling him about it.

Mira frowned, but her hand took Rumi’s so carefully despite not approving of her lie.  The clawed fingers had twitched slightly at the first touch, but relaxed after a moment.  If she wasn’t comfortable, they couldn’t push her, Mira knew that, but it didn’t make it feel less worrying. “Rumi, you know we love you, but you also know that’s an excuse.”

Rumi did, she really did.

Rumi wordlessly hummed in acknowledgment, eyeing the floor quietly.  Mira was right.  Rumi didn’t want Bobby to be any more concerned than he already was for them, no doubt about that in her mind.  The look he’d given her the whole time, she just wanted to pretend things were okay as long as he felt comfortable enough to even look her way.  Bobby was the only full father figure they had between the three of them, and something about that made it harder to want to tell him the full truth.

If he knew, then that meant seeing his face fall from such a pure and gentle acceptance to concern.  She just wanted that to stay a little longer.

Bobby shouldn’t have to feel as bad as she did.

Zoey carefully rested her head against Rumi’s shoulder, a gentle hand resting just under her cheek as she snuggled up a bit slowly. “Do you think you’ll tell him?” The question was more out of curiosity, already seeing that it was done.

The question took a second to even get a response, though, Rumi taking her time to think it over first.  A slow nod came as her next response, even if she wasn’t thrilled about it herself. "Not tonight.  I’ll tell him eventually, but-…” Rumi couldn’t bring herself to, sighing as she shook her head slowly. “Not yet.” Not today, maybe not even within the next week.

But one day.

Mira tried to stay stern, but her position wavered with the slow exhale that broke through it.  She knew Rumi was right to an extent, that things were a lot for Bobby, but even still she couldn’t help but worry when Rumi wasn’t completely honest.  Letting things calm down for now was all Mira could do for her, pressing a kiss to Rumi’s head as she accepted the response.

“Okay.  Let’s get you to bed, alright?” Mira seemed to be pulling back a little for her sake.  No more pressure on the idea.

Even if she heavily disagreed with the deceit, it wasn’t her own choice to make.

Rumi didn’t dare argue, offering a weak smile as she nodded along. “Sounds good to me…” Trying to fight the pit in her stomach, the lack of real enjoyment—… Rumi almost lost everything and she knew it.

With that in mind alone, she knew that she had to try harder to stay afloat.  Whether she truly wanted to or not, she couldn’t do that to them…

Rumi loved them more than she could ever love herself, she felt.

—

It took some time to even try to get over the suddensuicide scare in any way at all, none of the three girls fully able to recover from the close encounter.  After that call, it felt like they were always hovering over Rumi at least a little.

Zoey had been all over Rumi for the past few days since, clinging to her and hogging her lover to herself in Mira’s room half the time.  Rumi never complained, though found a subtle humor in how Mira would have to pull them out of the corner of the bed to actually cuddle up with her.  Zoey might have taken it the hardest, her heart always in her hand.

It was taking them some time to break from the habit of watching her like eagles, for sure.

But if it meant closeness, then truly Rumi couldn’t find it in her to hate it.

Mira had finally been sent away to go shower, Zoey very insistent on the matter and whispering a little quietly to try and make it so Rumi didn’t overheat .  Keeping their voices low, never raising it higher than a breathy voice, Zoey gently reached out to take Mira’s hand into hers from where they stood. “Mir.. you think I could have a little bit to talk to her?”

Mira was certainly confused, furrowing her brow subtly with a hum. “Talk?  What do you need to talk about?” Not denying them the alone time, but…

She certainly had her questions about it.

Zoey spared Rumi a subtle glance when it was asked, openly hesitating about it when she already saw how Rumi’s questioning gaze lingered on the two of them from across the room.  Undoubtedly, catching on that they were talking about her.  Waiting, her pointed ears twitching and perking up on occasion when trying to catch a word or two.  Rumi wasn’t so sure of the conversation’s purpose.

Zoey kept her voice down as she turned back, face a bit more serious despite the smile that held to her lips with some strain. “Well.. I was actually going to bring up that— one thing?”

Mira didn’t seem to catch on so well to the vague pointer, even listening to how Zoey made her voice smaller, but the quizzical expression she held was enough for Zoey to know that.  With one more small sigh, Zoey cleared her throat and fidgeted with her hands a little. “About the therapy…  I just wanted to ask, and I wondered if it would be calmer if it was just us?  You know?” Actually voicing it, Zoey felt a little more unsure of herself.

Maybe it would be better with Mira there to help, was she just being selfish?

The worries were silenced when Mira nodded slowly, however, considering it first. “Okay.  If that's what you want, I could step out for a bit.” It was odd to consider that she wasn’t the one bringing it up for a change, but Zoey seemed serious about it.

She wanted to do this.  Mira already did so much for them all, Zoey wanted to be the one the help for a change.  Even if she was surprised by Mira backing off so easily, blinking a few times with wide eyes.

Oh?

“I haven’t showered in a few days, so maybe I could give you a few minutes?” Mira offered the easy solution without minding it much, watching Zoey timidly smile as the stress eased off of her a bit.  She could see there was no blame for wanting to be alone to do it, and it was helping.

It was almost too good to be true.

“Really?” Even if she was told it was so, Zoey felt the need to double check as she carefully took Mira’s hand and squeezed it in hers.  Her eyes were searching for any sign of disappointment or discomfort, but all she found from Mira was a warm gaze watching her the whole time.

“Really.  I trust you, and I won’t be too long if you’re worried, but I know you’ve got this.  I’ll give you a few extra minutes.” Mira leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Zoey’s forehead with an affectionate hum.  Zoey had the most sensitive heart, but she was as strong as any of them.

This once, she wanted to handle the situation for them.

Rumi watched the entire time with some impatience and concern as Mira shut the door to the bedroom, eyes following her movement with some wonder.  Rumi knew very well that it wasn’t just about the shower if they were whispering so much beforehand.

Zoey immediately turning towards her from her spot sitting on the edge of the bed was confirmation enough. “Hey.. Rumi?” Zoey smiled with a bit of a hesitant look, trying not to seem as nervous as she was as she patted the mattress down beside her. “Can we talk?”

Rumi stared for a second, though hummed softly as she shrugged the blankets down off of her legs with a dragged out motion.  She hadn’t moved much, but when Zoey came looking to talk?  She wouldn’t turn her away.  So, Rumi carefully slid her legs off of the side of the bed and joined her girlfriend.

Even as Rumi looked down to Zoey, however, she didn’t even try to hide the concern the question brought. “About?”

Zoey opened her mouth, but before she even spoke it seemed she stopped herself with a visual pause.  She pursed her lips subtly as she let it fall back shut, debating her next words the second she actually heard them in her head.

“Well, um,” Zoey sighed slowly, folding her hands in her lap and leaning forward in some discomfort. “I don’t know how to ask you this without making it sound mean…-” She wanted to ask, and yet even considering it felt— odd.

She didn’t want to sound any sort of way and hurt Rumi’s feelings!

“Zoey.” Rumi waited until Zoey turned her attention over to her, eyes soft as she tilted her head almost knowingly.  If it was a question Mira and Zoey had talked about and entirely agreed to give them space, then it had to be important. “You can ask, I don’t mind.  I know you wouldn’t mean whatever you want to say in a bad way.”

It wasn’t like she’d blame her for sounding that way, at least.

Zoey didn’t look entirely convinced, but took to a quick breath anyhow as she nodded.  If Rumi insisted, Zoey didn’t have a right to say otherwise. “I wanted Mira to step out before I asked, I really hope you don’t mind.” Zoey knew she was dragging it out, biting the thin skin of her lips with a slow sigh as she sat a little straighter onto force fhe words out. “I wanted to see— if maybe you would want to try getting professional help..?  Or.. maybe try and get yourself diagnosed?”

Rumi didn’t have an immediate answer for that one, kind of frozen as she blinked her golden eyes a few times.  She should have expected it, but it wasn’t that easy.  It was scary and a hard topic, especially here in Korea.  Mental health, neurodivergence, the works.

Stigmas thrived, especially in high-standing communities.

Mira wasn't afraid to break the stigma, even if she hadn’t had a choice when she’d been sent to see multiple therapists over the course of her childhood.  And one every so often now to make sure she was still on the right track and not backtracking on any of that progress.  Zoey wasn’t afraid to either, though she’d truly never been to one— but then, there was Rumi.  In comparison, Rumi was a bit more withdrawn from the idea.  Growing up with Celine had its good parts, but there was one thing that stayed rooted in her mind no matter how many times she’d heard it.

Their faults and fears must never be seen.

It had been stuck in her head like a broken record, even if she was pushing to break everything she’d been taught until it was out of sight and out of mind.

Celine was from one of those families that fell into those common stigmas, quite obviously.  There were big stigmas about mental health all over where they lived here in Korea, especially people in high or famous positions like hers and Rumi’s.  Services were becoming more widely available, but using them?  Even the people who needed it didn’t use the help that they could have.  Whether to save face, protect their family’s image and seem unshakable, or out of their own personal shame.  It wasn’t.. an easy debate for her.

For her mother, for Celine— she didn’t know the best idea.

Rumi stared back at Zoey, very still as she thought.  Conflict was definitely present, taking a slow breath as she shook her head in denial. “I don’t know if I can, Zo.  Looking like this..?” Rumi looked horrific in her own eyes, and she could guess that to others she would too.

She was more surprised Bobby had reacted the way he had seeing her, and not having freaked out.  Mira and Zoey knew she was a demon for a while now, and while it had been a surprise to see it become more prominent?  They’d embraced it without even considering anything different after adjusting.

Celine wouldn’t have approved of the idea, surely, at least Rumi believed so.  Celine never got therapy, not a single time in her life!  Well.. actually thinking about that, it showed.  She never fully could accept Rumi herself, after all.

Rumi dropped that comparison with some thought, cringing with the thought itching at the back of her mind.

Zoey nodded slightly, but that answer made it more obvious Rumi wasn’t completely against the idea.  So, she was thinking.  Trying to make it more accessible, and less scary all at the same time. “So maybe over the phone instead?  If it’s not for you, we can figure something else out, though..!” The last thing Zoey wanted was to force her, Rumi could see it in how she spoke.  Every word was riddled with such care, all while giving her an easy out.

Zoey was merely trying to find something that could help.  She didn’t like feeling useless to being able to help Rumi, so used to having bunches of ideas for it.

This was.. a little more complex than a strained voice, however.

Rumi’s silence was full of conflict, jaw a bit tense as she tapped her clawed hands against one another with consideration.  As much as she knew reasonably it could be a good thing, that it could help her— The mere idea made Rumi a sick to her stomach.

Therapy over a phone call, huh..?

“We’re here for you, you know that.” Zoey offered a timid smile as she insisted so, trying to make sure she wasn’t going too far.  It was just an idea she wanted to offer, one that had Rumi look into a little more before saying for sure what she wanted to do and she knew that.  The offer, however, was just being put out there. “If you don’t know what to say, that’s okay too.”

It was clearly a hard choice, and yet one that had to be decided on eventually.

“I..-” Rumi started, but sighed sharply as she found it hard to get the right words out.  She wanted to accept it, to give them some peace of mind that they clearly needed.  But even still..  The thought scared her more than she thought it should, and she hated the sensation it rewarded. “Can I think about it for tonight?  I just..- it’s a lot, I don’t know, Zoey…” She couldn’t even think straight the second the idea had been put out there, and the thought of all of this right now made her stomach twist.

But it could help.  And for them, she wanted it to help…

She just needed time.

Zoey wasn’t upset by the answer at all, either, eyes falling soft as she cupped Rumi’s cheek in her hand and pressed a butterfly kiss to the skin of the other cheek with a small hum.  Not mad at all, even smiling subtly even still. “That’s okay, I’m not rushing you.  I don’t want you to think I am, I just.. I want you to feel okay again.” Zoey sighed slowly,  pulling back just a little as Rumi met her gaze with a little more confidence with that.  Sure, Zoey thought it would be good for her, but this wasn’t her decision to make.  She knew how poorly it had turned out for Mira at first, being forced into therapy against her will.

They’d heard about it plenty.

“I know you haven’t been at your best, but even if you say no tomorrow, or even next week?  That’s fine.  I’m not going to get mad at you, and Mira isn’t either.” Zoey couldn’t stress that more, the reassurance held out in the palm of her hand the entire time.  Rumi was loved no matter what she ended up deciding to do, but if she wanted to think it over or not go at all?

They’d have to find a way to understand for her sake.

Rumi took a slow breath to soothe herself before nodding along with the words.  She understood, really trying to just show Zoey she’d been listening and not off in her own world. “I know.” For now, she had space to think it over without it being brought up.  Rumi had all the time in the world, should it be too much for her to decide, but until then it was pressed aside as far as Zoey was concerned.

Zoey paused with a blink as the conversation eased aside for now, her eyes flitting down to Rumi’s lip with some curiosity as she poked at it with her thumb.  The first sign she’d seen something was by far the way her expression twisted, scrunching in dramatized confusion. “Huh..-”

Something was missing, she could have sworn there was—..

Rumi raised a questioning eyebrow as she cocked her head, confused, but letting Zoey do as she pleased with some interest. “What?” Even now, at some of her worst moments, she sat fighting a smile at Zoey’s antics.

Seeing her so close.

Zoey gently pressed Rumi’s lip down, pouting softly with a little giggle slipping through despite it.  Now she saw it! “Aw.. your little tusks are gone.” Growing used to the demon features, and yet seeing them disappear?  Zoey still smiled to herself, seeing Rumi’s little fangs as she peeked at them.

A sign that a little something was going their way as some features went away, watching Rumi’s eyes quickly move to hers the second she’d heard it.  She’d instantly swiped her tongue along the inside of her teeth to see for herself, feeling and experimenting.  Sure enough, Zoey was right.  Her tusks were entirely gone.  The subtle relief that hit her was instant, feeling her mouth finally able to shut properly as she let a small smile curl her lips. “I didn’t even realize-..” Rumi couldn’t hide that she was happy about it, Zoey’s eyes lighting up when she’d caught the small smile that fell through.

Small steps, and yet they still felt exciting in Zoey’s heart.  Zoey cupped Rumi’s face in both hands with a dramatic hum, tilting her head aside almost to pretend she was scrutinizing her lover’s face. “Well, I thought they were kind of cute.” She softened her smile anyhow, carefully shifting her hold to poke her finger right onto the end of her lover’s nose. “But then again, I always think you’re cute.”

Rumi rolled her eyes, though a soft chuckle followed into the motion. “Yeah?” The fond tone melted into each word so easily, even if it wasn’t so enthusiastic.

Zoey’s presence alone was helping her cope a little more.

Zoey nodded in confirmation, smiling incredibly wide as she hummed. “Mhm!  But.. it does make it easier to do.. this.” Leaning forward with such a teasing look, Rumi only smiled into the kiss she knew was coming.  It didn’t last long, but Zoey looked triumphant enough when she pulled back.

And, well, nervously guilty.

Rumi followed Zoey’s movement with some confusion at first, pausing when she saw the odd expression she’d held.  But.. sadly that confusion didn’t last too long.  Zoey smiled with a nervous giggle, trying her best to be polite as she hummed. “Now.. as happy as I am to kiss you— We need to get you to brush your teeth, baby..” She meant it in a nice way, but it was a bit evident that Rumi hadn’t been on top of it for a bit.

Her poor girlfriend didn’t exactly have the best breath at the moment, Zoey using everything in her to not have coughed and turned away when they’d kissed.  Her poor girlfriend didn’t know..!

Rumi flushed in some embarrassment when the cause of the odd reaction had been brought up, clearing her throat softly and glancing away with a noticeable cringe. “Is it that bad?” Rumi covered her mouth almost on instinct when she considered it, Zoey smiling guiltily as she reached up to gently lower it back down.

“Aw, no!  No, baby, I’m sorry!  It's really not that bad..-” Zoey was feeling horrible already for bringing it up, but knew better than to lie when Rumi gave her a pout and a small glare.  She knew if Zoey even thought to bring it up, it wouldn’t be so subtle. “Okay, maybe it’s pretty bad.. but!  If you don’t want to, I could do it for you.” Even if it sounded silly and pretty gross, Zoey would brush her teeth for her!

How the mechanics of that would work, she wasn’t so sure, but she would do it.

The image in her head was amusing, yet Rumi still shook her head with a hum of debate. “I think I can handle it, Zoey, but thanks.” Maybe it would be good to get it done, Rumi couldn’t stop thinking about it now.  Just how long had it been since she’d cared enough to brush her teeth?

Or taken enough care recently to even consider the idea?

They weren’t exactly alone, however, as the minutes passed by. “Handle what?” Mira had just come by the door, pressing it open with her hand.  Her hair was still wet, weighed down to the point it all looked completely straight despite being fully dressed in her white robe.

She hadn’t even bothered to get dressed yet, already rather comfortable.

Zoey perked right up hearing the voice, looking over with a giggle when she caught onto their lover’s comfy attire. “Brushing teeth!” She phrased it like such an achievement, because truly.. it was.  Mira knew it too, judging by the instant reaction the words had earned.

Mira paused entirely when it had processed, a pleasant surprise creeping over her expression as she threw her towel lazily over her shoulder. “Oh really?” Interest hung off of every word, her eyes moving over to Rumi with a gentle hum as she took the moment to stand upright and walked over to the two.  The second that she was close enough, Mira’s arms looped around Rumi’s neck from the side.

“Feeling up to it?” Mira was good at playing off excitement, luckily, trying not to make it seem like too big of a deal.  But Rumi actually wanting to take care of herself would certainly be something she wanted to see after so long.

Mira had leaned down just close enough to press a kiss to her lover’s lips, except this time Rumi turned her head away out of reflex to avoid it.  The instant wrinkle of her nose was followed by a sharp exhale through it, Mira only raising an amused eyebrow at the reaction.  Questioning it silently, even if it was a funny response. “Well, since Zoey told me I stink-..” The side eye Rumi threw Zoey’s way was luckily only playful, no genuine offense in sight despite the words she spoke.

She knew it probably was just that bad…

Zoey softly huffed, hurriedly shaking her head and squeezing Rumi’s hand in hers apologetically. “Hey!  I didn’t mean it like that and you know it!” She didn’t want to be mean about it!

Mira chuckled softly at the two, shaking her head and resorting to kissing Rumi’s cheek instead for her comfort. “Either way, I don’t think either of us have gotten around to brushing our teeth either this morning.  So maybe we could join you?” In an attempt to make Rumi’s slightly productive morning a little less lonely, the idea seemed to strike the right chord with the gentle smile it awarded out of her.

She accepted that much.

“Sure…”

Months off to focus on themselves sounded nice.  Even if it was harder than it sounded at first glance, it was necessary.  So, focusing on themselves was the most important part of today, Mira and Zoey standing with their own content expressions as they helped carefully lift Rumi up from the edge of the bed.  Rumi cringed as she stood up straight, stretching her back when she felt the tense ache through just about every joint.

She hadn’t left that bed much at all through the past few days, stifling a yawn by tensing her jaw and shaking her head subtly to ward it off.

Mira let Rumi walk a few steps ahead, lingering back beside Zoey until she figured Rumi wouldn’t be able to overhear. “Her extra teeth are gone?” They stared at her so much, it was hard not to notice the little things.

Zoey was just as excited that she hadn’t been fhe only one to realize, beaming a bright smile as she nodded. “I know.. I was getting so used to them!” Even so, however, Zoey shared a gentle smile with Mira all the same.

Progress was progress, and with their girlfriend?  They’d take any of it they could get.

A few steps into that bathroom, and Rumi was already taking out the toothpastes from the mirror-cabinet.  Each of the girls had different preferences, after all, so three tubes of it were found.  Mira had a ginseng one, Rumi a spearmint flavor, and… Zoey changed almost every time she ran out, a green grape toothpaste newly stashed away.

She liked to try every flavor that she couldn’t find back in America.

Very soon, Rumi had all three arranged out on the counter as her lovers joined her side, Mira taking out the floss for them already.  Zoey always dropped the bag, so she stashed them away on the top shelf behind the mirror.

Luckily, it made sure they didn’t spill out and get wasted.

“Remember, be gentle.” Mira spoke from Rumi’s other side, the girl between her lovers as they got their items out and arranged.  She knew it had been a while, but even if there was frustration?  It wouldn’t help to give into it when you had to go down to the gums.

The first thing Rumi truly grabbed to use was for sure the floss picks, nodding mindfully when she was given the reminder.  She wasn’t able to stop thinking about how her bottom teeth felt now that she thought about how long it had been, feeling almost no divider between them.  The disgust was openly warranted as she instantly took to flossing with such slow care, her grimace just screaming with displeasure the whole time.  Mira had to fight back a snicker, glancing away subtly as she did the same.

It had to feel gross to see that after so many years of taking care of yourself perfectly, she could understand it.

Even if the faces Rumi was making the whole time were a little funny.

Zoey made sure she could always see her teeth in the mirror, tilting her head every which way to make sure she was getting between each and every tooth.  When the toothpaste came out, however, she was all smiles trying it out. “It’s so weird..  I still can’t believe there’s fruit flavors, they taste so good..!” Talking with a mouth full of toothpaste foam, Mira quite literally snorted at the muffled comment.

“Just don’t swallow it.  No matter how good it tastes.” Mira didn’t want her to make her stomach ache, even if it earned her a glare from across the sink.

“Hey, I'm not that dumb!”

Mira’s lip quirked up in almost a smile as she stayed silent, Zoey nudging Rumi to bump their lover for her honor.

It coaxed out a real laugh, Rumi feeling how her lips curled as she nearly squeezed out too much toothpaste. “Zoey..!” She was going to make a mess, but really it had all three of them in a better mood.

No complaints were passed, though Zoey cringed hearing the two of them going at their teeth loudly with their toothbrushes in hand.  This was why Mira always replaced her toothbrushes, Zoey swore on it. “Don’t brush too hard.  You’re both going to hurt your teeth!” That was already a conversation they were used to having, Zoey usually the one to scold them about it.

Mira and Rumi got so aggressive with it!

Rumi was half listening, opting to get everything clean this once despite it, though.  She swore internally she’d be more careful the next time, but the more she considered how long it had been?  The more she could feel every little texture on her teeth.  She hated it with a passion, even as the cool and minty sensation lit her gums and tongue abuzz with a gentle pained sensation.

To her mind, it was just proof it was working.

Mira was the first to spit, cupping her hand under the faucet to rinse her mouth out with water.  The other two following close behind, Mira watched in some amusement as Zoey had to wash her face, foam all around her lips as she splashed it off.

Rumi was taking an extra moment though, having checked her work in the mirror first.  Instead of washing her brush out just yet… she took to scrubbing at her tongue with all of her might, Zoey groaning with a giggle as she shook her head. “Rumi..!”

At this point, Rumi was just chasing that feeling of feeling fully clean in the mouth, the disgusting aftertaste of plaque and other various reminders that lingered finally fading.

All the white build-up left behind over the days that passed were being scraped away with little mercy, it was a relief she didn’t know she needed until now.

Mira hovered a hand to take the toothbrush in case Rumi made herself gag, but in the end she’d lowered it all on her own, quickly rinsing out her mouth with a noise of disgust in the back of her mouth.  She hovered over the sink, coughing and covering her mouth with a wince as she focused on the complete difference it made.

“Never let me go that long without doing that ever again-..” Just looking back on it, Rumi felt her stomach twist in disgust.  How her lovers pretended not to notice, she felt like she’d never know.

Zoey bubbled a few giggles as she hugged around Rumi’s waist, smiling ear to ear the entire time as she nodded her head. “I’ll even brush them if I have to!” Her poor girl hadn’t stopped making faces at herself the whole time until right now, and it was hard not to notice.

The relief just falling off of Rumi in waves was enough for them to know it had made her feel a little better about it, at the very least, Mira kissing Rumi on the head fondly as she sighed.

Being clean helped in so many ways, she supposed, Rumi’s eyes focused on the mirror with her lovers surrounding her.  She almost knew it was too good to be true, to let it all be over— but right now?  She’d take any little piece of relief she could get in the moment.