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Elle tilted her head as she looked at the summons. The sight of one certainly wasn’t a new thing in her life, but she’d never been presented with one that was so pink. “Do you know anything about Barbieland?” she asked Vivian.

Vivian looked up from the stack of legal briefs she’d been reading, her eyebrow going up. “A friend of mine said something about going there once, but she works for Mattel and I think she might have been tired at the time.”

Elle wrinkled her nose. “It must be in Yugoslavia or Romania or someplace like that. I mean, who else would just randomly name a place after a Barbie doll?”

“Why would Yugoslavia or Romania do it?” wondered Vivian.

“It feels like a very European thing to do; I can’t think of any American places that would even try.”

“Well, you know who’s an expert in all things European…” Vivian offered up.

***

Paulette’s eyes went wide when she saw the summons, a happiness so bright and clear showing in her eyes Elle couldn’t help but smile. “WOW,” she remarked. “I grew up in Barbieland! I don’t believe they summonsed you, Elle! It’s a real big honor to be invited here – though it looks like they’re asking for you to come and help them figure out some big legal problem they’re having.”

“I’m glad they thought of me – though I don’t know how they thought of me,” she admitted.

“Oh, I told a few girls living back home that I’m friends with THE best defense attorney in the world. Things have been strange for a few years since they’re redrawing the boundary lines in Barbieland and they haven’t done that in decades.”

“But I’m totally not a property law person!” Elle said. Though, she mused to herself, it didn’t sound like becoming one would be a hard prospect. Like, how could it be hard? She’s totally good at freeing innocent people from their worries and their problems. That’s what she was put on earth to do! “But I’m going to LEARN to be a property law person!”

“That’s my girl!” said Paulette. “The best thing about Barbieland is that it’s completely open to people coming in from the outside these days, especially new Barbies. Though you might need a guide to the place first.”

“If you’re volunteering I’d so be glad for you to take me around! You could show me where to go and we can bring chips.” Elle thought she might add chocolate to the mix, too. She and Paulette would probably need it after oodles of time on the road together.

“I could use the vacation real bad,” Paulette admitted.

“Then let’s go – we can take my Roadster,” she decided. And that was how Elle Woods made a plan that would change her life forever.

**

The road to Barbieland was just as long and colorful as Paulette had promised it was, and Elle wondered how they’d even managed to turn the sky bright pink. She pulled down her shades and checked the road signs; yep, they definitely weren’t in California anymore.

The houses looked very plastic-fantastic, though. They reminded her of all of the places she’d seen while cruising Rodeo. Only no one had a single marker telling people to keep off their property. It made Elle feel really warm inside, like someone was hugging her super hard.

“We’re going to go to the Mayor’s house,” Paulette said. “If anyone knows anything about what’s going on in town, it’s the Mayor.”

Elle imagined so – anyone who had to be in charge of a whole town definitely has to know what’s going on in it. After she parks Paulette’s Cadilac, they step out and approach the front desk. One sweep of a bright pink wand over her body and a confirmation that she had received a court summons later and she was being walked upstairs, to the third office on the left and to Mayor Barbie’s office.

There was a large map spread out over her desk, and several women and men were arguing over the boundaries. Mayor Barbie looked up, smiling briefly. “Elle Woods, you’re here!” She pointed to a spot on the map. “And you’re just the person I was hoping to see.”

Elle shook her hand, but then a tall blonde in an outlandish dress let out a pleased sound. “Hey, Paulette.”

Paulette nearly climbed over Elle to get to the woman addressing her. “Weird Barbie!! You’re still here! Look at you, you haven’t changed a bit!”

“Well,” she said. “I can do this now.” Weird Barbie promptly did a backward split, her legs going behind her head as she landed. Elle let out a cry of surprise, but was still quietly impressed by the gesture. She hadn’t been able to do that since she was a cheerleader in high school.

“Oh boy, the kid in charge of you must be really into gymnastics,” Paulette observed, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“I learned from the best, Hairdresser Barbie.”

“Wait, you’re a Barbie too?” asked Elle.

“Everyone here’s named Barbie,” Paulette said with a shrug.

Elle frowned. “That sounds like a cult thing! Like something David Koresh would say.” Paulette gasped.

“It’s not a fucking cult thing!” Paulette said. But them again, she wasn’t one to cast aspirations when it came how people lived their lives unless they were total jerks.

Elle needed to know. “How did you become Paulette?”

“When I went to the real world,” she explained, “It popped into my head that not everybody is Barbie. So I came up with a name for myself that felt really elegant. Paulette,” she sighed, helping Weird Barbie off of the floor.

“And when I asked Paulette for legal advice, she said you were the best lawyers she knew – and you really like pink – huge bonus in this town,” Mayor Barbie said.

Elle could tell, but she beamed. “It’s my favorite color.”

“Mine too!” a voice came from the right. Elle pivoted toward the sound, surprised by the presence of another blonde in the room.

“Hi!” the other blonde with the dazzling smile said. “I’m here from the human world to help with this boundary stuff too. I’m Barbie here, but back out in the real world I’m Barbie Handler.” She stuck out her hand for Elle to shake, and she was surprised that it felt warm and real instead of plastic and slightly chilly like Weird Barbie’s. There was something so warm and kind and inviting about this Barbie. Elle confidently grinned, letting go of her hand.

“You know I’m Elle Woods,” she said, with a pleasant laugh. “It’s so nice to meet you, Barbie.”

“You, too,” the entire office filled with Barbies echoed.

***

The Barbies were collectively crouched over the maps, trying to draw careful lines with pink pens. “There’s no need to keep anyone out,” said President Barbie, “but it’s very important everyone gets to have their own space.”

“Free space for the Kens to roam and the seas wide open for every mermaid and seahorse-riding Barbie. No one in exile, but everyone having someplace special to be,” Elle said. “Kind of like owning a house in the real world. Only this way everyone can be with everyone else.”

“Is anyone fighting over their place anymore?” Barbie Handler asked.

“Oh no,” President Barbie said. “But maps are important, and they have to be right – otherwise people will get lost and no one will know where they are. There’s nothing harder than losing a friend in Barbieland!”

“I lost a kid once,” Weird Barbie said. “They wandered off into Transformer world. I heard they’re riding inside of Optimus Prime’s head now.”

“It’s good when girls have lots of interests,” said President Barbie.

“Yep. I had to tell her mom she was at summer camp. Don’t think she believes me anymore.”

Elle smiled. “OK, every Barbie needs room for a house, so I guess we need to go out and count all the Barbies and Kens in Barbieland.”

“Excellent idea,” beamed President Barbie. “We tried to keep records back in the 1990s but they all got blown away in the Great Skydancer Debate of ’97. My hair was not the same for a good four days after they left!”

“They were the nicest girls,” said Barbie. “I hope they stop by again sometime.”

“Speaking of going somewhere, Barbie, please come with me!” Elle turned toward Barbie Handler, to let her know that she was speaking to her and no other. “You seem to know so much about this place, and I’d be glad to learn everything I can from you!”

Elle heard Paulette cough behind her hand beside her. She sent her friend a quick, amused look. Hey, there was no shame in being obvious when you liked someone, right?

***

Barbie had just finished explaining what had drawn her to and kept her in the real world as they walked up the pathway to the Beach. “…So now I live with Gloria and her family while I go to school and try to figure out how jobs and gynecologists work.”

“You sound so happy,” Elle noted. “I’m glad you like it back there! Gynecologists or not.”

“It’s wonderful! Gloria’s one of the best people I know, and she’s really helped me figure out a lot about myself.” That sounded a little mysterious – and Elle loved mystery.

They approached a group of Kens and Barbies playing on the beach – a game of volleyball, which looked pretty evenly matched. “Hi! We’re here from Mayor Barbie’s and we want to figure out where you’d like to live now that everything’s getting divided up.”

“I live on the Beach,” one Ken said. “That’s also where my job is.”

Elle nodded. Well, that just made logical sense. “Do you live in a beach house with your Barbie?”

“Nah,” the Ken said. “I live in a sand cave with a few other Kens. We fish in the ocean and play games all day – it’s a whole lot of fun!”

“Do you want to live anywhere else?” she asked. When he shook his head she made a note of it – four Kens happy in a sand cave. Barbie was taking similar notes with the other Barbies – she cam scampering up to Elle.

“They live in a big penthouse down by the highway – the Kens visit, but they’re very happy together,” said Barbie.

Elle added that to her notes. “OK, we just need to know where those places are. And that’s how a census worked.” She couldn’t believe she remembered that since she only learned about city planning as a sideboard to her once-hoped-for career as a fashion consultant and party planner. You HAD to know where people were putting their limos, otherwise you ended up with nothing but cranky neighbors.

“Oh wow, a census – that’ll help is figure out where everyone belongs,” Barbie said.

“It definitely will,” Elle said. “Off to the next place!”

The next place was a plastic castle on a high hill overlooking the cove. Elle didn’t understand Barbieland’s topography, but she was very glad she hadn’t skipped leg day. Those were some steep stone stairs.

When Elle reached for the bell, it was far over her head. She had to give it a firm yank, which made her almost topple into Barbie’s arms. She flushed at the woman’s warmth, then laughed awkwardly as they prized apart.

A moment later, they were both smacked in the face with a thick, blonde braid of hair.

“Hello?” a woman called from abovestair. “Is anyone down there?”

Elle raised her hand. “We’re from President Barbie,” she explained. “We’re figuring out what the new map of Barbieland looks like with everyone’s homes drawn out on the map. Can we come in and talk to you about where you live?”

The Barbie grinned, pulling her hair up. “Of course! I’m Rapunzel Barbie!” she said.

Elle hoped she wouldn’t ask them to climb up her hair; fortunately the drawbridge lowered and she and Barbie Handler strolled into the bailey of a beautiful castle. Eagerly, they linked arms and began to explore the place while Rapunzel came to greet them. It turned out that she lived with Cinderella Barbie, Snow White Barbie and most of the other Princess dolls. They had a few Kens around – several of the Barbies were happily married – and were thrilled to occupy the place. Elle noted the bounds of the castle – they didn’t mind if people camped in the woods nearby and, indeed, she found several Barbies having a cookout there, ruggedly living off the land in tents and RVS.

“Does it ever get cold here?” she asked Barbie Handler.

“Only if you want it to get cold,” she said. “Or the person playing with you wants it to be winter. Then we have the warmest hot chocolate and the chilliest snow, and everyone gathers around and throws snowballs.”

It was seductively appealing. At this point, Elle was frankly surprised Barbie had left this place. But then she took Ellle’s hand and led her back to the main road. Soon they were on a thriving suburban street, and a question popped into Barbie’s head.

“Would you like to go get an ice cream?” she asked.

Elle definitely wanted ice cream.

***

Luckily, the place they chose was part of an old playset that allowed kids to make real ice cream and also served up plastic scoops for Barbies. Elle and Barbie both got strawberry ice cream, then sat out under the sun. It tasted delicious, but Elle realized she’d happily sit there and lick a plastic scoop just to sit beside Barbie for awhile.

“Mm, this is as good as the stuff Gloria’s husband makes,” Barbie said.

“Good on him for cooking. I just don’t have the time but I used to make great chocolate chip cookies when I was in high school.”

“I bet your cookies are amazing,” said Barbie.

“Oh, they totally are,” Elle said. Barbie smiled at her confidence. She asked, “do you cook?”

“I used to, but I still don’t understand why the food doesn’t come out of the oven whole and ready,” she admitted. “They’re not even pink the way they should be!”

Ellle wondered what it would be like to live like a Barbie; imagine, just opening your kitchen door and all of a sudden there was food ready to go. You couldn’t eat it – did Barbies just pretend to eat their weekly dole? Made of plastic, could they consume it? She was fascinated.

But more fascinated by the happy woman in pink eating beside her.

Then she noticed a tiny blob of pink on Barbie’s cheek. “Oh, you’ve got a spot there,” she said. She reached out and gently wiped it away.

Wow. Barbie’s cheek was super soft and super pretty. The pink barely stained it. She stood there, watching Elle’s fingertips move across her skin. And then there was nothing to do but stare into each other’s eyes, and lean forward, gently and slowly, into the warmth of a sweet kiss.

Elle, to her credit, had kissed a few girls before this moment – mostly sorority sisters. It had been awhile, and it felt nice. Barbie was soft and smelled fresh, like baby powder and daisies. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and held on tight while the moment carried them both away.

It ended when they needed to breathe, as all good kisses do – but they at least got to feel and try one another out, coming to know what it really felt like to be this close to unvarnished ecstasy.

Barbie smiled, tilted her head – looked for all the world like somebody who had never once been kissed in her life. “Wow. I didn’t know that kind of kissing could happen.”

**

Paulette was playing poker with Weird Barbie by the time they arrived back at the president’s mansion. They got an escort back to a very pink hotel with a completely wide-open side wall. Elle felt a little exposed until she noticed the shower and the changing curtain kept anyone from peeking in. She got ready for bed, then let Paulette do the same.

Paulette cornered her the second she emerged with a take-out menu. “Spill, girl, how was she?”

“We didn’t go all the way, Paulette! Not yet!”

“Good, keep the anticipation going,” she smiled. “I was hoping you’d find a nice girl someday and settle down, and I’m so glad you picked a Barbie!”

“I don’t know if we’re together! I don’t know if we’re going to share clothes in a gorgeous Beverly Hills mansion and fight for the downtrodden, while helping them with their fashion and makeup so they can feel their best….”

“Girl, you’ve got it so bad,” said Paulette.

Elle pouted. “I know! And she’s so sweet and she seems to like me too, but I can’t just throw myself at her! We’re in the middle of a work situation! I can’t look unprofessional in front of the other Barbies!”

“Since when have you been afraid of mixing up business with pleasure? When you were with Emmett, before he and Vivian became A Wonderfully Strange Thing, you were fine with boinking a co-worker!”

“But it’s not just boinking this time! It’s about way more. And I don’t want it to just be a boinking thing! I want to be with her and hold her hand and eat ice cream with her and introduce her to Bruiser.”

“Okay,” she said. “Order something with a lot of chocolate in it, girl – we’re going to lay some merits out.”

**

Paulette and Elle did just that, eating big cartons of Chinese food and big slices of chocolate cake. They actually wrote down all the positives and negatives of being with Barbie. The moonlit walks, the heavy romance, the happiness of being with a really nice person who everyone loved to underestimate. What were the negatives? They worked together. They worked together and this might be a temporary thing. Elle’s ‘real world’ in California might be different from Barbie’s. When they went to return home, no matter how much they wanted to be together, they might be permanently separated.

“You know, there’s a way to keep track of that,” Paulette said. “You just have to think of home and you’ll get there in one second.”

“Like wearing ruby slippers or wishing on a star?” It seemed interesting to Elle. And she always had liked those sparkly shoes.

“Sort of. That’s what it’s like when you’re a Barbie, anyway,” said Paulette. “Tomorrow you’re going to tell that girl you’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“It’s way too soon for that. But maybe we could go out shopping after we finish our work?” Why in the world was she asking this of Paulette? She was totally being a third party but helping nonetheless.

“You have to ask!”

“I so well,” Elle piped out. At least now she had a solid direction to go in with Barbie.

She had to see if Barbie was willing to spend time with her, in turn.

**

That day, Elle and Barbie’s voortreking took them deep into the mountains, where skiing Barbies and Kens ruled. Then they went into the suburbs, counting Skippers and Kens and Barbies and Midges as they went. They had to double back around, but kept on going until it was noon.

Lunch was good old fashioned hamburgers and shakes and fries. Elle thought to herself that she was fascinated with how everything tasted – hyper-real, hyper delicious. She wanted more of everything, but more importantly she wanted to spend way more time with Barbie.

But it was the doll who made the first move. “So about our kiss last night…” Barbie said.

Elle pivoted toward her. “Want more?”

Barbie let out a happy gasp. “Gloria told me about this! When you really like someone, sometimes its like they can read your mind. But I don’t think I believe in mentalism. It feels a little phony to me, kind of like wishful thinking.”

Elle had to blink at the flow of ideas. “Okay, what am I thinking right now?” Barbie leaned over and pecked her on the lips. “Great guess, best guess ever,” she said. “But I’m also thinking about what I’m doing after we quit working here today. How do you feel about shopping?” she asked.

Barbie smiled. “I love it just as much as your average Barbie. I have a whole closet back at home just filled with stuff I cant use,” she admitted. “My houses here’s a parade of pretty dresses. And my astronaut uniform and all of the stuff that I made when I ran for president. I believe in variety,” she said with a smile.
“Then let’s be practical,” said Elle. “We’ll just buy one whole outfit apiece, no more and no less. And maybe two pairs of shoes. It’s always a good idea to buy extra shoes.”

Barbie nodded happily at that idea. “That sounds great to me! I’ll show you how we buy clothing in Barbieland.”

Elle frowned. “Is it different here?”

“Oh, definitely,” Barbie said.

***

Of course you didn’t have to pay for clothing in Barbieland; of course, in Barbieland most people didn’t eat, they just mimed it – clothing, cars and jobs appeared out of the blue. Elle should’ve realized as much when she was herded into a plastic shop by Barbie and hundreds of outfits swirled by her eyes, a parade of beauty that made her gasp.

“Uh, this one!” Elle decided. She pulled out a lovely pink suit. Barbie applauded.

“You’d look beautiful in anything, but you’re going to look great in that! It matches your skin, and it makes you look beautiful and rosy,” she said. Elle beamed; she felt like it was, too. But soon enough, they were going through the racks looking for something for Barbie to wear.

“How about you take this one?” Elle pointed out a lovely pink sundress with white checks. It didn’t take much effort at all to get their outfits together from there – pink pumps, nude hose, pink hair ties. The women smiling at them in the mirror looked entirely different from the ladies who had walked into the shop a few hours earlier – certainly, they felt much more confident than they had when they had first entered the room.

When they walked arm-in-arm out of the building, they bumped right into President Barbie and her entourage, who were heading right into the same shop.

Oh no.

Elle stood up a little straighter, refusing to actually be scared. She refused to be ashamed just because she didn’t know what the customs here were like in Barbieland. But, if President Barbie was concerned about them spending time together outside of work, she didn’t say so.

“Hi Babie, Hi Elle,” she said.

“Hi,” Barbie said. She was shining in her sundress, glimmering as if she were made of pure diamond dust. Elle was proud to be with her.

“Hi, Mayor! We’re getting closer to get those boundaries drawn up. Pretty soon we’ll have a map of Barbieland the way it really looks.”

“I’ll be glad to see it,” said President Barbie. “The two of you have a wonderful day.”

“We will!” They chorused. Then they ran down the street together, hand in hand.

**

They were on a boat in the middle of an ocean interviewing Kens and Barbies who preferred living on yachts. That was when Elle turned to Barbie and said they needed to talk. They had reached the furthest end of their kingdom, where the blue ocean turned into patches of cybertronic waste. That was the place where Transformerland began, and where Barbie’s world came to an end.

“Are you going back to the real world when we’re done?” Elle asked Barbie.

“I have a family there,” she said. “And I’m starting to put a life together,” she added.

“Do you think there’s a way you could come see me?” Elle asked.

“Did Paulette tell you how to do it?” Barbie asked Elle. “All you have to do is think beautiful thoughts. They’ll lead you to the person you love in seconds and bring you to their arms. But we probably come from the very same world. Paulette came from Barbieland and found her own place in the real world, so we both probably ended up in the same place.”

“Do you want to be in my arms? I mean, that doesn’t mean that we’re not going to be independent women who stand on our own two feet. You’re just starting to work and I’m not stopping until I’m in the White House.”

“The White House,” Barbie gasped.

“It won’t be hard at all,” Elle said confidently. “I know my country very well, and it needs someone smart and strong in charge. You’d be a great campaign manager, y’know.”

Barbie seemed relieved that she wasn’t going to be stuck playing the wife role; indeed, that might have been something a Ken would unwittingly have her do instead of playing to her strengths. “I could do that. I mean I’ve been to the moon, and a nurse, and a model and a disco dancer. Managing a campaign would be fun!”

Elle nudged her side gently. “When we get back to the real world, we’ll talk about it more.”

Barbie looped an arm around Elle’s neck and gave her one last kiss before they turned back to the crowd of Barbies using the ocean as their personal resort pool.

***

Together, they mapped the furthest reaches of Barbieland together – found the deep desert, the jungle floor. Finally satisfied after a week’s exploration in Barbie’s hot pink Cadilac, they came back to President Barbie and delivered their information with aplomb.

Advisors, friends, and lawyers alike bent over the map and began to shade and divide each area into different chunks. They marked off the deserts and the mountains, the oceans and the lakes, the forests and the cul de sacs. Each Barbie and Ken had a place to call him, and no discontinued doll was excluded.

“Now we just need to show this to the Kens,” Barbie Handler said. She called the Ken she knew best – her ex-boyfriend, a hazy looking surfer Ken with good hair who was immediately happy with the map.

“I still have my house, right?” he asked.

“Everyone still has what they had before,” Barbie said. “It’s just all marked out

The map traveled through the pack of Kens he’d brought with him. They all nodded in agreement that it was a fine map.

Then came all of the hard work. Elle had pre-crafted legal documentation for this very situation, working in her hotel room at nights with tweeting, Barbie-induced birds floating around in her mind. But signing it and getting everyone else to sign it proved to be a pain. When they were done, she sat back, satisfied.

President Barbie rapped her gavel upon the desk. “The map passes.”

***

In the aftermath, President Barbie ordered Chinese food for everyone, and the Barbies and Kens pretended to eat out of big plastic containers while Barbie Handler, Elle and Paulette managed with little bits of candy and cake made in Barbie and Me Real Cooking ovens.

President Barbie quickly took her aside and told her that she knew something wonderful had sprung up between Elle and Barbie Handler. “Barbieland doesn’t have any rules about people who like each other working together,” President Barbie sighed. “You’ve been worrying yourself to death for nothing at all.”

“Oh, I wasn’t worried,” Elle said. “If I had to I would have rallied a whole bunch of protesters jus to make sure you knew how much I wanted to be with her.”

President Barbie grinned. “If you become the President of the Real World, then they’re very lucky to have you,” she said.

“The only thing I miss about this place is the food,” Paulette sighed. Elle didn’t ask any questions. She was more concerned with trying to figure out how to give Barbie a feather of hope that would somehow lead her back to Elle in the real world.

On the steps of the President Barbie’s mansion, Elle grabbed Barbie Handler and gave her a huge hug. “I’m going to be in Washington DC, honey,” Elle said. “The Rosewood Apartments. If you don’t find me there, I’ll find you and Gloria in California.” She would do anything at all, find Barbie anywhere in the world, and would crawl over any mountain to do so.

Barbie nodded her head. “I’ll follow you there. I promise.”

Elle nodded. She kept looking back when Paulette drove her to the hotel, when they packed up the room and left generous tips for the maids. And then they were on the highway, back to the real world.

When Elle looked over her shoulder, a pink Cadillac was following her.

***

Nine months later

Paulette was pregnant, big as a house, and looking at Elle and Barbie as if they were two angels from on high. “The Indigo Girls have arrived, and they have my cupcakes.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet,” Barbie chirped.

Elle snorted. “Here you go, Paulette,” she said.

“Come in and sit,” Paulette ordered. “I know how hard you’ve been working lately.” Elle had indeed moved all the way to Washington DC, was working on a bill she was bound and determined to get through congress. Everyone was proud of her, but no one was prouder than Barbie.

Barbie was studying to become an economist, and -- in spite of the way Barbieland works – was acing her studies. The two of them and Bruiser had a beautiful penthouse and shopped, did yoga together and basically acted like a couple of kids in love.

“Do you know they called me Congressional Barbie the other day?” Elle asked.

Barbie stuck her chin out. “Forget them. How could they possibly know that being a Barbie is the very best thing that anyone could be?”

Paulette looked at the two of them as they kissed and let out a satisfied sigh.

She was so happy she forged that invitation from President Barbie to Elle to get her to Barbieland. Her matchmaking skills remained undefeated.