Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Robert gets Seb back on a Wednesday.

Nothing big happens, no welcome back party, much to Victorias pushing for one.

Months of visitations, weekend sleep overs, meetings with social workers, school teachers, doctors, all to prove that yes, Robert is a good enough dad to have Seb back permanently.

He would deny it if asked, tell the world he did it on his own, but he knows Seb wouldn’t be back here if not for the help only a few people had given him.

Victoria with her never wavering love and determination to make him human again. Moira for letting him stay at the farm, finally able to hold a job down long enough to earn a wage. And surprisingly Kim Tate, for renting a small cottage to him and to be a reference for the social worker.

He’s not sure where their almost friendship came from, especially with his rocky past with Joe Tate, but a mix up in some dodgy dealings at Home Farm had seen her on his side, and well, it’s always good to have someone in Kim’s position in his corner.

Seb’s still a quiet boy around Robert, a look in his eyes that shows he’s still not fully trusting of him yet, that Robert won’t just leave again like so many people have already in his life. It breaks Robert’s heart, makes his stomach twist funny if he thinks too much about it.

He shows Seb his room at the cottage, tells him they can decorate it however he likes, can buy some new toys just for him. Seb sits on his bed, teddy bear toy tucked close to him. The bear Aaron bought him all those years ago. He seems smaller sat there somehow. Maybe to Robert, he’ll always be the young boy he left for so long.

There’s a photo of Rebecca by his bed. Young and carefree, cuddling Seb close. Robert’s eyes welled on the first time Seb had shown it to him, talked about his mummy and how he was still sad she was gone. Robert tells him he’s sad too, that Rebecca did love him, always will love him, even if she’s not here now.

They settle into a routine for the first week, something the social worker had told Robert would be good for Seb, create stability they both desperately needed. He fends off Victorias visit for the first three days, until he can no longer ignore her text messages, in case she just comes round uninvited.

He asks Seb if he would like to have dinner with his aunt and cousin, tells him he won’t be upset if he doesn’t want to go, if it’s too much. Seb just shrugs his shoulders and asks what she’ll be cooking. He takes it as a win.

It’s stilted at first, sat round Vic’s dining table. Seb and Harry are both quiet, only really speaking when spoken to. He tells Victoria about Seb starting school here soon, how him and Harry will go to the same one. Victoria brings out the dessert, and for the first time Sebs eyes light up, tells them both it’s his favourite. Victoria smiles so wide at him, tells him it’s hers and his dad’s favourite too. Seb turns his bright blue eyes to Robert’s and gives him the best smile Robert’s ever seen.

It gets better after that, like all they needed was dessert to bridge the divide. He spends more nights at Victorias now, the boys friendly but not quite mates.

He goes back to work at the farm, alternating days where he can get Victoria to watch Seb, glad that Moira had allowed him those first few weeks off the settle Seb in. Cain still gives him the stink eye when he finds Robert in their kitchen, doesn’t even offer him the pot of tea sitting on the side.

Moira joins them, unaware of the frosty air, or unbothered, still too much going on in her mind about the farm debt to worry. She asks about Seb, how he’s liking the village now. Robert tells her every day is better than the last. He sees Cain watching him, listening.

It was an innocent question from Moira to Cain. They weren’t to know that Robert would feel like his throat would close up, that the mouthful of tea would lodge there.

Aaron and John are back from their long holiday. Still together. Still happy.

It’s a miracle it still takes two more days to bump into Aaron. He’d taken Seb to the park, it was too hot in their cottage in the summer, so he’d promised ice cream and a kick about to Sebs pleading eyes last night.

Aaron’s walking past, shopping bag from David’s in his hand. Seb and him are kicking one of Harry’s footballs he left at Robert’s, makeshift goal posts from their water bottles. Robert catches Aaron’s eyes first, stumbles a bit. Seb notices, like always when it’s Robert. He turns, spots Aaron.

“Dad, I know that man”.

He says it so innocent. No idea what weight those words hold.

He can see it on Aaron’s face. The way his breath stops. His eyes looking at Seb, can’t believe what he’s seeing. The pain and hurt flickering with disbelief and happiness to see him.

“I- what?” Arron stutters.

Seb goes shy. Comes closer to Robert’s leg. Robert knows he doesn’t mean what Aaron thinks he does. Knows he means from the photos that had been in Seb's possessions, of their wedding, of him and Liv as a baby. They’re sat next to the photo of Rebecca in Seb’s room. He asked for them there and Robert doesn’t think he will ever be able to say no to him now.

Aaron’s still standing there. Sebs got his face tucked in Robert’s jeans now. Robert runs his palm over Sebs reddish blonde hair. Tells him yes, you do, and it’s okay. He looks at Aaron again, sees the war in his eyes. Robert looks, and then he turns them both away.

It’s different after that. Seb opened up an old wound for them both. They see Aaron all over the village. Coming and going. With and without John.

John still hates him, and Robert hates John. He’s made no attempt to speak to Seb and Robert’s secretly grateful. Victoria tried, organised family dinners and both Robert and John had dodged until she’d gotten the hint. Robert was honest as much as he could be. Said Seb was confused with Aaron, told her he wouldn’t lie to him, said Seb was trying to understand. Told her he knows John doesn’t like them, that he won’t put Seb through the looks and comments.

She relents, is sad but understands, the kids come first, always.

There’s still four weeks of the summer holidays left, before Seb starts his new school. He’s been quieter after what happened at the park with Aaron, picks up on the awkwardness that comes with Robert and Aaron.

Robert takes him to the Woolpack for lunch one day, Chas behind the bar. They’d been before, with Victoria and Harry, Charity working instead, giving them all smiles and cheeky comments. He’d been with Mack and Matty other times, pints after work. Aaron and John had been sat together, pulled faces and made rude remarks, John telling Robert to leave, again. Aaron always stayed silent, like he was battling something inside, unsure to agree or not anymore.

Chas sneers at Robert, slams his drink down. Then spots Seb, mouth opening and closing. He thinks this might be the first time she’s seen him since he was little. He’s looking at her, big blue eyes and a frown on his face. She looks a little chastised, which Robert revels in. He tells her Seb asked to have lunch here, after Harry has said he came at the weekend. She lets them sit in the far corner, away from the door and eyes of other villagers.

The routine they have works, until it doesn’t.

Robert has to work, Moira needs him, knows she would only call him on his day off if she was desperate. Victoria is in Hotten, left early this morning after dropping Harry at a club he’s been begging to go to for weeks.

He tells Seb to pack his bag with some toys, puts some snacks in the bag as well, bottle of suncream and his hat in there also. He loads him into the car; tells him they’re spending the day at his work.

Moira looks displeased. Robert tells her it’s this or he leaves. She grumbles about not letting Seb near the machinery, Robert grumbles back that he did grow up on a farm, this one to be exact.

Robert stares at Seb, mouth opening in shock. He’s laughing, full belly laughs, flushed cheeks and teary eyes. Isaac laughs along with him, pulling him up from the ground where he’d fallen over in the haste to catch the football.

It’s been hours at the farm and Robert has barely got a look at Seb. Ten minutes after arriving, Isaac had spotted Seb and asked if he liked football. Seb had nodded his little head shyly and Isaac had grabbed his hand, pulling him along. They’d run into the kitchen for lunch, chatting and joking, like they’d been friends for years, not just hours.

Robert and Moira had looked on over sandwiches, catching each other’s eyes. He tells her he thinks this is the most he’d ever heard Seb talk in one day.

Cain arrives home after work in the garage, Isaac running up to greet him, arms flailing and mouth talking a mile a minute. Robert’s packing up Sebs bag, smiling to himself about how happy Seb looks. Isaac’s telling him about his new friend and isn’t he so cool, he likes football too. Isaac turns his head to Robert and Seb, tells them he’ll see Seb tomorrow, right?

The remaining weeks left of summer go by, nearly every day Robert and Seb spend at the farm. It’s like Seb comes alive in Isaacs presence. It eases something in Robert, that someone was just so easy to accept Seb, like him for who he is, not making a judgement just for being Robert Sugden’s son.

They see Aaron again, at the farm. Robert and Cain are talking, a civil friendship arising because of their son’s happiness. Aaron spots them, almost faltering his step. He continues on, towards them both.

“Hey”, Aaron says, directed at Robert.

Cain takes one look between them, rolls his eyes and heads back to the cottage.

Aaron asks about Seb. Robert tries not to tell him much; slightly hurt it had taken this long for Aaron to seek him out and ask. Aaron gets angry himself, tells Robert he was hurt to, that he lost him too. It placates Robert, makes those feelings about what happened with Lee stir up again.

“Fine. What do you want to know about Seb?” Robert relents.

Aaron asks to see Seb. Robert knows it’s taken Aaron a long time to allow himself to ask. That Aaron wanted to ask the first day, back in the park. It should worry him, how after all these years, he still can read Aaron better than himself.

He tells Aaron he has to ask Seb first. That it’s to be his decision. Aaron understands, say he’ll wait, he’s already waited six years.

Seb starts school in September. They go with Victoria and Harry on his first day, Vic shedding enough tears for the both of them. Takes pictures and sends them to Robert later while he’s at work. Robert’s proud of Seb. Glad that Seb is settling into Emmerdale with him.

He sends a photo to Aaron of Seb smiling in his uniform. Can’t think too much of if he should or shouldn’t have. He shoves his phone in his overalls, determined to ignore it in case Aaron ignores him. They’d swapped numbers after Aaron had asked to see Seb, said he’d text him once Seb had agreed. It’s the first time he’s messaged. Robert remembers when Aaron’s number was so engraved in his mind, he didn’t even have to look at the phone screen to dial it.

He pulls it out at lunch time, sees two messages from Aaron, one from Vic. He’d be a liar if he said his heart didn’t skip a beat at Aaron’s name lighting up his screen after all this time. The first message is short, a quick good luck Seb. The second more, have you spoken to him? Robert replies, tells Aaron tomorrow after school he’ll ask. That he didn’t want to overwhelm him on his first day. Aaron doesn’t reply to that.

Seb’s finishing his dessert, chocolate sauce round his mouth when Robert asks. Tells Seb that Aaron would like to see him, could maybe come to the park with them at the weekend. Seb’s confused, asks his dad why?

Robert is honest, tells him that Aaron misses Seb. That when he was younger, Aaron helped him, and his mummy look after him. Seb is quiet, then asks to go to his room.

Robert feels awful.

It’s a Friday when Seb makes a decision. Robert hadn’t pushed after that night, only told Seb in the morning that it was okay if he didn’t want to, that Aaron would understand. Moira had asked both Robert and Seb to dinner at hers Friday evening. Told him that Isaac had chewed her and Cain’s ear off all week that he missed Seb now they can’t spend all day together like in the summer.

The boys disappeared up to Isaac’s room as soon as they arrived, leaving Robert standing there awkwardly. Cain let him, smirk on his face at Robert’s clear stiffness.
Moira takes pity on him, like usual. Tells him to take a seat for God’s sake.

Robert cracks open one of the beers on the table, sips it slowly. Kyle’s in the lounge, playing a game. They can hear the boys laughing upstairs. The three adults fall into small talk, about the farm, the boys and their school. It’s fine, nice actually. Robert almost believing he himself has friends.

He’s tucking Seb into bed later that night. They both know he’s too big to be tucked in, but Robert missed all those years doing it, and Seb knows it makes his dad happy. He’s yawning, eyes falling shut when he tells his dad fine. Robert’s confused for one moment, not sure what’s supposed to be fine. Then it clicks.

He knew Seb had spoken to Isaac about something at dinner. They’d come downstairs when Moira had told them food was on the table, Seb’s face deep in concentration, Isaac ruffling his hair.

He tells Aaron in person, catches him coming out the cafe Saturday morning. Did he want to come with him and Seb on Sunday to the zoo. Robert had arranged it weeks back, something he wanted to do for Seb after his first week at his new school. Aaron agrees immediately. It settles something in Robert, that Aaron didn’t hesitate to spend time with them. Even if deep down he knows it’s just Seb Aaron wants time with.

He doesn’t ask Aaron about John. Doesn’t want his name to ruin their day together, but he knows Johns not around today. Overheard Mack and Moira taking about it at the farm this week. Some last-minute trip in his van. Robert wonders if that was why Aaron had agreed so quickly to their day together, knowing he wouldn’t have to lie to John about who he’s with.

Seb is shy at first. It still knocks Robert when he acts like this to people that aren’t him, Vic, Harry and Isaac. Knows that Seb can’t trust people straight away. They walked around the Zoo, Seb pointing out animals and Robert telling him all the facts he knows. Aaron is quiet at first as well, so unsure of what he can or can’t say to Seb.

Seb takes pity on him over lunch. Asks Aaron a question about an animal. Aaron jumps in his seat, not prepared for the question, coughing up the mouthful of food. Robert knows his son, caught the little smile on his lips when Aaron took a mouthful, waited for that moment to ask, almost knowing Aaron would do that. It’s so Sugden of him that Robert laughs, and he sets off all three of them. The day goes easy after that.

They see Aaron more over the coming weeks, Robert and him texting when they can. They invite Aaron over for dinner. Seb asks Aaron to let him show off his bedroom, tells him that he and his dad had finally got round to painting the walls a blue colour, that his dad even let him put stars on his ceiling. Aaron’s all smiles, telling Seb he’d be honoured to see these stars. Robert follows behind them both on the stairs, watches them with a small smile playing on his lips as Seb shows Aaron all the things in his room.

“This is my mum”. Seb points to the photo by his bed.

Robert should have seen it coming. Almost kicks himself that he forgot. Aaron spots the photos all lining up by Seb’s bed. There’s one more now, of Seb and Isaac smiling on a tractor, summer sun setting behind them.

Aaron’s eyes go glassy, can’t form a word. He looks at the photo of Seb and Liv, fingers brushing the frame. Seb bites his lip, glancing at Aaron then his dad, thinks he did something wrong. Robert smiles at him, tells him he can go watch telly for a little bit, that him and Aaron will be right down.

Robert brushes his palm over Seb’s head as he passes, eyes not leaving Aaron’s form. Aaron sits on Seb’s bed, like all the air has left his lungs.

“They’re his photos he came to me with”. Robert tells him, voice soft.

Aaron chokes back tears. Shakes his head. Robert tentatively sits beside him, stares at the same photo. Aaron asks how, after all the years. Robert tells him what he knows, that Rebecca had given them to Seb in one of her moments, told Seb about both Aaron and Liv. That after, Rebecca had felt so bad she’d told him about life with his two daddies’ before coming to live with his mum.

Aaron’s fists clench at the words Robert uses. Robert’s not trying to be mean, but he’s got to let Aaron know that Seb knows, knows what they had and what they are.

This safe space Robert had created all comes crashing down one Sunday lunch, at the Woolpack of all places.

It was Cain that asked him and Seb to lunch, surprising Robert into silence. Lunch at the Woolpack on Sunday with the boys. Robert asked if he meant just Seb, because at this point, if Isaac was going somewhere, it was obvious Seb would also be going. Cain had rolled his eyes, asked Robert if he thought Cain had a death wish trying to keep three rowdy boys in control by himself.

They’re all sat at a table, burgers and chips filling the space between them. Seb, Isaac and Kyle happily chatting together. Him and Cain falling into soft silence, then occasional conversation. It’s good, Charity’s at the bar, Mack and Noah sat keeping her company over their own lunch. She brings the boys over orange juices with those funny little umbrellas, tells them it’s got her special ingredient inside, winking at them.

The younger boys eat it up, Kyle too old now for her silly jokes. It even gets a smile from Cain, watching the boys have fun.

Then John and Aaron walk in.

It’s like watching a car crash happen in slow motion. Aaron spots them first, eyes widening before glancing at John, who’s saying hello to Charity. Robert knows in that moment that Aaron hadn’t told John he’s been seeing Seb, the guilt is written all over Aaron’s face. Robert’s smile falls, because he knows it’s coming.

Seb spots Aaron, smiling wide and waving. He’s calling Aaron’s name, lifting his glass with the funny umbrella, telling him to look at it. Everyone turns to watch them at the table, Johns eyes zeroing in on them.

Pure hatred flashes in his face. Aaron’s frozen, ignoring Seb’s little chatter. Johns walking towards them, voice cutting Seb off. John asks Cain what is he doing. Why would he let poison like Robert be around his kids, that they’re in danger, that Robert and Seb don’t belong, and how could he let Isaac be friends with something like Seb.

Aaron’s trying to pull him back, telling him to leave it. Cains tells him to shut it, Macks out his seat, always on the ready to help Aaron. There’s arguing and shouting, from both Robert and John. Charity's telling Aaron to take John home, Johns telling Charity he has more of a right to be there than Robert ever will.

A glass smashes. They all fall quiet as they turn at look at Seb. His orange juice is on the floor, spilt and broken. His lip wobbles, eyes full of tears. Seb scrapes his chair back and runs out the pub. Robert’s calling his name, stuck the other side of the table, lifting his foot to avoid the glass. But Isaac’s quicker. He runs right out the door after Seb, Cain calling his name over Robert’s own distressed one.

It takes Robert thirty minutes to find both boys, Cain and Kyle searching the park area and Robert looking the other side. Mack had come out to try help, said he’d look around the village.

He spots Seb’s hair in the fading sun, slouched down by the cricket pavilion, almost kicks himself for not thinking to look here first. Isaac’s next to him, rubbing a hand up his back while Seb cries.

Pulling out his phone and quickly texting Cain where they are, he approaches slowly, doesn’t want them to run again. Isaac spots him first, whispers something in Sebs ear. Seb wipes his face with his sleeve, nods his head at the words spoken.

Robert crouches down in front of Seb, calls his name to get him to look at him. Seb lifts his blotchy face, then all but throws his body into Robert’s. Pulling him tight, Robert hugs him with all he can give his son. Kisses his head and whispers to him that he loves him, that he’s the best and that no one thinks like John does. That he’s wanted.

Cain appears; tells Isaac they need to head home now. He starts to refuse, says Seb needs him. Seb says it’s okay, his dad’s here now.

Victoria finds out from Charity what happens, comes to visit them then next day with Harry and a cake in tow. Seb’s been quiet all day, going to school and coming back, not really saying much. Robert had ignored the texts from Aaron, can’t face him at the moment.

Vic tells Robert she can’t believe what happened, that John must have just been confused or his words weren’t meant to mean what they did. Robert knows that Vic’s just trying to be peacemaker, but Seb is his son. His sweet boy, nothing like Robert was at that age. So, he snaps at her, knows it’s a low blow, asks her, what if it was Harry that John said those words to.

Cain and Moira don’t mention it, thankfully. They ask if Seb’s okay when they see him Monday, he tells them that he will be. They say he can come for dinner again this Friday, and why doesn’t he sleep over? Sebs not spent a night away from him since he’s been here, and Robert’s gut twists at being away for him for so many hours. Moira sees the turmoil in his face, says they’ll keep him safe here, just them and the boys. Robert says yes because he doesn’t need to ask if Seb wants to spend time with Isaac.

He’s at home by himself Friday night, the first one in so long he’s not really sure what to do with himself. Mack had been on at him about dating again, says just because he’s a dad doesn’t mean he had to be single forever. Robert’s not really thought about it much, was so focused on getting Aaron back, then getting Seb back.

Sex… yeah sex he’s thought about. Late at night when he can’t sleep, nightmares taking sleep from him again. He gets fewer of them now, his weekly lunchtime phone call sessions to his therapist helping him. But Mack had been right, maybe Robert did need to get out there again.

A knock at the door interrupts him, he’d been swiping on an online dating app. Set himself up for both men and women, unsure what he’s feeling at the moment.

Aaron’s there when he answers, shifting in the doorway. Robert doesn’t say anything, just turns his back to walk into the cottage, leaving the door open, knowing Aaron will follow.

They stare at each other in Robert’s living room. He tells Aaron Seb’s not here. Aaron deflates, asks Rob why he hasn’t been replying to him, letting him fix this. Robert scoffs, ask Aaron how can he? Aaron gets angry, again. Says Robert has to let him make it right, that Aaron will keep coming back to try. They’re almost chest to chest, anger radiating off both of them, arguing about Seb, John, each other. It’s like a damn has broken, years of pent-up words spilling out through Robert’s home.

Robert can’t tell you who leans in first, thinks it could have been both of them. It’s hot and heavy, hands roaming each other’s back, tongues exploring, the same but so different now.

Aaron’s got Robert over the back of the sofa, practically climbing him. Robert’s grabbing fistfuls of Aaron’s hoodie, pulling him closer, trying to erase space that’s not even there between them.

It’s hard and rough, like most of their years together had been. They’d fallen back on the sofa, Robert over Aaron now. Hips aligning, Robert rolls them down, denim catching into sweet friction. Aaron’s moaning in his ear, Robert’s name blurring between. It’s been so long since Robert heard him like this, thinks he almost forgot.

Aaron can’t keep still. His hands are up Robert’s t-shirt, thighs moving up and down, hips stuttering into a rhythm with Robert’s. The sensation grows between them, sits hot in Robert’s belly until it’s up his spine, pleasure moving him quicker against Aaron.

He knows it’s coming, it’s been too long, and it’s Aaron. Aaron’s always been a hair trigger, back then and right now. He comes first, breathes out Aaron’s name, smashing his lips to Aaron’s for a sloppy kiss.

Aaron’s whining into the kiss, hips desperately moving, still chasing, making Robert hiss in sensitivity. Robert kisses down his neck, sucks behind his ear, like he knows Aaron likes. Aaron’s stills, moans and moans until he flops back, breathing hard and cheeks flushed.

It’s awkward. Robert rolls off Aaron, adjusts himself and the wet patch in his jeans. Sees the same on Aaron’s and swallows. The silence stretches, and Aaron’s faces shuts down. He rises, pulls his hoodie as low as he can over his jeans, can’t look Robert in the eye. Robert walks him to his door; they don’t say goodbye.

He showers, feels sticky and sweaty. He stands under the spray for a while, replaying the night in his head. Robert’s a selfish man, and he doesn’t regret it.

He texts Aaron later that night, says he’ll speak to Seb, but he won’t push him. Aaron texts back thank you.

He picks Seb up Saturday morning, both him and Isaac looking tired but happy. Moira tells him Seb was an angel, and that he offered to help wash up after dinner. Robert teases Seb that he doesn’t even offer to do that at home. Seb smiles, says he likes Moira’s cooking better, that’s why. Moira laughs, so clearly taken by the young Sugden. Robert’s glad Seb has another person on his side.

He takes them both to the cafe for lunch, bacon rolls each. Seb’s chatty to him, telling Robert what him and Isaac got up to. He brings Aaron up carefully. Seb nods his head and surprises Robert by asking to see Aaron. Robert tells him if that’s what he’d like.

Seb asks to go to the Woolpack after their lunch. Robert agrees but asks Seb why. He won’t say, so Robert just leads him there, pushing the door open for him. Both Chas and Charity are behind the bar when they arrive. Seb makes his way there, climbs up on a bar stool and faces both of them. All three adults stare at Seb, waiting.

Seb tells Charity sorry for breaking her glass and that he can pay to replace it. Robert nearly swallows his tongue in surprise. Chas’s eyebrows raise so high on her head Robert’s worried they might come off.

Charity, however, smiles brightly at Seb and tells him to save his pennies, that she’ll put the bill in his dad’s name, because that’s what dads are for. Seb giggles and says okay, sweet smile on his face before he asks to go home.

Seb and Aaron meet on Sunday by the swing set. Robert tells him they’ll only meet if Aaron tells John they are. Call him petty, but Robert will never have Seb be a secret, tells Aaron that. Aaron replies and says yes, he did, that since that day at the Woolpack, Aaron’s told John about Seb.

Robert sits on a bench nearby, allowing them their space. He watches them chat, sees Aaron getting teary, sees Seb getting teary again. Robert tells himself he’ll only go over if they both get too upset. They talk and talk, and then Seb stands and hugs Aaron. It’s the first time he’s done it, and Aaron pulls him tight, like he can’t believe Seb’s finally back in his arms. He catches Robert’s eyes over Seb’s head, and smiles.

Chapter Text

Robert’s got Isaac round for dinner. It’s mid-week and he’s just picked them up from their after-school football club. He’d told Moira it was his turn to get them, and he’d feed Isaac before dropping him back. She texts him a thanks, says not to let the boys eat too much ice cream for dessert because yes, Robert will give them an extra scoop if they ask nicely.

Robert and Aaron are back to texting. Not about what happened on that Friday night, it’s still not been mentioned. He’s seen him and John around the village. Robert would not be the man he was if he didn’t try to stir up trouble with them. He’d never do anything in front of Seb, but when it’s just them three facing off, well, the words Robert and nice guy don’t belong in the same sentence.

Aaron tells him to lay off his husband. Robert scoffs at him, says his husband’s a weirdo. Aaron says Robert knows nothing about John, Robert says thank God or he might die of boredom in his presence. Back and forth they go, pushing and pulling in words only this time, for now. If people saw them acting how they are, they might class it as foreplay between the two. Robert would happily agree with them.

Him and Victoria had made up, because Robert will never stay mad at his sister. Seb and Harry spending weekends together at her house for breakfast. They’re not as close as Seb and Isaac, Robert doesn’t think anyone will be, but they like each other, and Harry’s taken a shine to Seb.

Another Friday night is spent up at Butlers Farm, Seb and Isaac still inseparable. Robert joined them this time, popped in for a cup of tea when he dropped them off and got roped into staying for Moria’s cooking.

He’s sat at the table with Kyle, watching him do his homework. The boy’s face is screwed up in frustration, bits of used rubber covering the table where Kyle had been erasing his wrong answers. Robert takes pity on him, asks what he’s struggling with. Kyle tells him it’s his maths homework.

Cain finds them together not half an hour later, walking in from work. Robert’s reading out equations to Kyle while Moira stirs the pot on the stove.

Cain looks at Robert, and Robert tries not to squirm under his gaze. Kyle smiles, says he finally understands these maths problems now dad, the ones we were struggling with yesterday. Cain humours him, tells him nice one mate. Robert looks back at the homework.

Later, Cain asks why he helped Kyle. Robert tells him he didn’t mind, was pretty easy stuff in the end to help him with. Cain stays silent, clearly thinks there’s more to it.
Robert rolls his neck, cracks it. Avoids eye contact when he says it reminded him of Liv.

Cain nods his head, asks if Robert misses her. Robert has missed her for years. Tells Cain that, because he doesn’t care to act like he doesn’t, not when it comes to her, or Seb or Aaron.

“She missed you too.”

Robert laughs. Cain chuckles as well, because he knows what she was like. Fierce, strong willed, loved openly with her heart, hurt people with her stubbornness. So much of Aaron in her.

Cain tells him about Isaac’s birthday party, that they’re having it at the village hall, with his classmates and the family. Tells him Robert and Seb are invited. But so are John and Aaron.

Robert says he can just drop Seb off and come back later, that’s how parties work normally right. Cain tells him he already promised Isaac and Seb Robert would join them for musical statues, so he’ll have to stay.

“Heard you dance worse than Paddy, so I’ll look forward to seeing that.” Cain smirks, pats his shoulder when he stands to leave. Robert scowls at the back of his head.

A hall full of 30 odd kids screaming and shouting is giving Robert a headache. He starts to think he’s actually living in a nightmare. Aaron had said hello to him when they’d arrived, then stuck by Johns side most of the time, like he had something to prove, that Johns company is better than his.

Roberts spends most of it with Mack, who also joins in on the kids’ games, looks like he’s having more fun than them. Seb’s face is flushed, red tinged hair sweaty from all the running around. He’s happy, chatty and laughing with Isaac and a few other boys from his school class.

Robert and Mack join in on musical statues, let’s Seb’s delighted voice carry him to the floor when the game had started. Matty is on the music and Robert sees Charity videoing them both. Robert pulls out all the silly moves he can think of, Mack doing the same. He’s spinning around, landing face to face with Aaron. Sees pure adoration looking at him, lips tilted in a smile he’d always reserved for Robert.

It gets overwhelming in the end. Robert feeling like the walls were closing in. Feels panic sit heavy on his neck, rising up. Takes himself outside, leans his body up against the wall, doing the breathing exercises his therapist had taught him. Tells himself to calm down, that he’s safe here. His son is safe and healthy. He’s not locked up anymore.

Footsteps on the gravel make up jump, throwing his body to the side, hands jolting up in defence.

Aaron has his palms up, as if he was trying not to spook Robert. Says he saw him rush out, needed to check he was ok. Robert, angry with himself that he’s feeling like this with his kid near, angry that Aaron was the one to see him in a vulnerable state, snipes at him.

Robert regrets it immediately. Sees the shutters come over Aaron’s eyes, watches him pull back, shoves his hands in his pockets. Tells Robert he doesn’t know why he bothers. Robert rubs his hands over his face. Mumbles a sorry, tries to keep breathing in and out.

Aaron stays, doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t leave until Robert seems like he can catch has breathe. They hear more footsteps, both seeing Mack turn the corner, bottle of water in his hand.

Mack looks at Aaron, raises his eyebrows at him, a clear conversation passing through them without words. Mack passes the bottle to Robert, tells him he’s had three of the school mums come up to him and ask if he knew if Robert was single. Robert laughs, takes a sip of his water. Aaron’s stands stiff.

Mack tells Aaron John is looking for him. Aaron looks one last time at Robert, as if checking he’s fine to leave him. Robert lifts his chin, and Aaron goes.

They make it back inside for the cake, Robert putting himself by the door, needing to feel the air coming through. He’s trying to see Seb through the crowd, assumes he’d be right by Isaac to blow the candles out. Instead, Seb’s sat on a chair, looking down.

Robert reaches him, crouches down so he’s face to face with him, asks what’s wrong. Seb shrugs his shoulders, asks when they can leave. Robert’s bewildered, Seb was having fun before he went outside. Robert asks again if something had happened. Seb shakes his head, tells his dad he doesn’t feel well.

Robert catches Moira on the way out, tells her thanks for tonight, that he was taking Seb home as he didn’t feel well. Robert jokes that maybe he had too much fizzy to try and lighten the mood. Moira turns a worried eye to Seb but agrees, says they’ll save some cake for him.

Sebs scream wakes him up in the night. It’s so shocking to Robert that it jolts him up out of bed so fast he trips over his duvet in the haste to get to Sebs room. Sebs sat up in bed, breath coming in short pants. Robert pulls him close, pats him down, asking if he’s okay. Seb twists his body into Robert, sniffling. Robert runs his big hand up and down Sebs back, soothing him.

He takes them downstairs, sleep forgotten now. They’re cuddled on the sofa, hot chocolate Robert had made clasped in their hands. Robert asks Seb what he dreamed about gently. Seb won’t say, but asks Robert to talk about his mum.

The dreams continue on, more nights Robert wakes up to Sebs cries for his daddy. It’s not like the first night, Sebs scared voice so loud through the quiet house. Robert comes to work in bad moods, snaps at anyone who talks to him. Starts to feel like he’s failing. Doesn’t know how to make it right, how to help Sebs troubles go away.

It’s Aaron who Seb confides in about the nightmares in the end. Seb had asked if Aaron would be coming for dinner again. Robert thinks at this point he doesn’t even need to ask, Aaron will turn up like clockwork every Thursday for dinner with them. He stays late enough now to do the bedtime routine with Robert. For just a moment, Robert can believe that this is their life, him, Seb and Aaron, together as a family.

Seb takes Aaron up to his room while Robert cooks. He’s trying to give them their space, let Aaron and him bond, build bridges over their delicate relationship. He calls them down, tells Seb to set the table for the three of them. Aaron follows him into the kitchen. It’s a small space, and they bump into each other. If Robert purposely closes the tight space between them under the guise of grabbing their drinks, Aaron lets him get away with.

Robert and Aaron listen to Sebs voice, delicate to both their ears, soothes the tension in their shoulders after a days work. He tells them about his school, his new friends he’s making, talks about Isaac and Harry. Says he misses the farm now it’s getting colder in the evenings to spend up there.

Aaron jokes that he can’t be Robert Sugden’s son if he likes that farm. Robert tells Aaron at least it’s not the scrap yard. Aaron looks at Robert, softness around his eyes, takes it exactly how Robert meant for it to sound. Seb asks about the scrap yard, Aaron tells him he’ll take him there soon, show him around. Tells Seb he use to spend time there when he was a baby, with him and his dad.

Aaron’s hovering by the door. He’d put Seb to bed, then helped Robert clean up the kitchen after dinner. It’s quiet, Sebs soft snores drifting through the house. Aaron should leave, both Robert and him know that. But his feet are rooted to the floor.

Aaron moves towards Robert, trails his hand down Robert’s arm. Robert closes his eyes, breathes Aaron in.

“He told me about the nightmares”, Aaron speaks softly.

Robert hums, lets Aaron’s hands explore his upper body over his T-shirt. Aaron tells him Sebs been dreaming of his mum, of death and being left alone. Of Robert dying, Aaron and Isaac leaving him.

Robert had told Seb before that he was here forever, that no one would leave him now. That he’s loved and cared for here, it’s his home and they were his family.
Seb asked Robert how could he know that, when he’d been left before. The words haunt Robert.

Robert asks Aaron how they can fix it, Aaron tells him something can’t be fixed so easily, they have to work for a resolution. Robert understands the double meaning. He moves closer to Aaron, rests their heads together, lets their lips touch gently. Aaron doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t push further.

Aaron’s been messaging Robert more, not just about Seb now. He asks how Robert’s doing, if he’s caught up on some shows they use to watch before Robert went to prison. Aaron never mentions John, but Robert knows they still parade around the village together, hold hands walking the street, sit in the pub for lunch.

He knows the Dingle family like John, Chas smitten with him. They think he’s good for Aaron, better than Robert. But they don’t know Aaron like Robert does, the deep scars, brittle edges, what makes Aaron who he is. Robert does. Robert loves him anyway.

Robert didn’t intend to eavesdrop, but if he heard his name in conversation then he can’t be blamed for staying to listen. Mack and Moira are in one of the barns, Robert was supposed to be out on the back field trying to fix a fence but had forgot the wire cutters and stumbled upon them.

Mack’s telling Moira about Aaron and John. How Aaron feels like John has been acting strange. Trying to get Aaron to go on all these trips away, weekend stays in Hotten, brought up kids in their future. Says he keeps texting him all hours of the day when they’re not together, questioning where he is and what he’s doing.

Moira listens and gives her opinion on it. Says maybe John feels threatened by Robert and Seb, how Aaron’s spending more time there instead of at home, and wouldn’t any husband react to that.

Robert would agree with her, except that it’s Johnny boy it’s happening to so what does he care. Plus, the more time Aaron doesn’t spend with John, the more him and Seb get Aaron all to themselves. Robert starts to think he should organise more things with Aaron, see how far this can really go.

Robert blames Mackenzie. He hasn’t stopped going on about Robert’s dating, ramped up even more after the school mums at Isaacs party, jokes about the long dry spell Robert must be having.

Robert can hardly tell him that it wasn’t that long ago something happened without dropping Aaron in it. He made the mistake of telling Mack he’d set himself up a dating profile, so of course that meant Mack and Charity had nicked his phone at the pub when he went to the loos.

They’re laughing between themselves, heads shoved together over Robert’s phone. Robert asks in disbelief how they even managed to get into it, Charity tells him it wasn’t that hard to guess his password. Robert is miffed they figured it out so quickly to be honest. It’s not his fault Aaron has an easy birthday to remember.

“We’ve set you up on a date.” Charity tells him gleefully. “And no, you can’t back out. We’ve told him your name and to meet him at your local. Yes, I mean here.”

“When?” Robert signs, because he knows there’s no way to get out of this.

“In an hour, so go home and get changed into that sexy blue shirt you have.” Mack orders him.

Robert tries one last ditch effort of saying he needs to collect Seb from school, but Mack shoos him out the door and tells him he’ll go grab both Seb and Isaac from school and take them up the farm for a while. There goes Robert’s escape plan.

Robert does go home and get changed. He debates not wearing the blue shirt to piss off Mack, but he can’t deny his arms do look great in it. All the hours up at the farm have done his body good, and if he’s a little smug about it, sue him. Robert even goes as far to use his fancy aftershave he’d bought on a whim when he came back from prison and actually styles his hair instead of leaving it floppy like he normally does.

Robert makes it back to the Woolpack with ten minutes to spare, and Charity gratefully puts a pint down in front of him. It’s not that he’s nervous, dating was always something fun for him to do. But being married for so long, then the lost years in between has left him feeling wrong footed about it.

Robert feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to find an attractive looking guy smiling at him. Tall, broad, boyish charm and blonde hair, nothing like Aaron. Robert smiles back, introducing himself.

Robert’s surprised. Two hours later and he’s still sat in the Woolpack talking to his date. It’s fun, he realises. Having someone not know his past and seeing that first instead of him. Ronnie asks general questions, Robert replies with simple answers, Ronnie laughs at Robert’s attempts of a joke, placing his hand on Robert’s knee. The touch burns through Robert’s jeans.

He’s nursing his second pint when he feels the air shift in the pub. He looks at the bar and sees Paddy walking past with Eve, Chas following behind them. Of course, that’s when Paddy’s eyes roam the pub and spot them both. Robert signs internally.

Paddy makes what looks like an aborted hand wave, which if Robert wasn’t sat with Ronnie he would have actually laughed at. While they still don’t get on, Robert can say the few conversations he has had with the local vet have been civil. Working at the farm, there’s no avoiding him on days he’s there to help with the animals. But they’ll never be friends and Robert’s fine with that.

He knows Chas has spotted them also, asks loudly to Charity stood behind the bar what’s Robert doing here. Ronnie notices the tension, asks if they know each other. Robert tells him most people know each other in the village, places his hand over Ronnie’s on his thigh and squeezes. Robert downs the rest of his pint and asks if Ronnie wants to get out of here.

They stand, Ronnie’s hand low on Robert’s back, guiding him as they make their way out the pub, Robert winking at Chas and Charity behind the bar as he passes. On the street, Ronnie stands close to him, asks where to next. Robert debates this, wonders if he should take him back to his for a quick fumble. But that’s his and Sebs home, doesn’t want to taint it with random men or women.

Robert smiles mournfully, tells Ronnie it’s getting late, and his has to collect his son soon for dinner. Ronnie, nice and kind Ronnie, nods and smiles, tells Robert he understands. That he had fun and hopes Robert did too. Robert smiles, and suddenly Ronnie’s leaning in to kiss him.

Ronnie brings his body closer to Robert’s, hands snaking round Robert’s waist. It’s explorative, Ronnies tongue licks at Robert’s lips, and Robert takes him in. He pulls back when he feels like he’s losing his breath, and steps out of the embrace. Ronnie asks to see Robert again, Robert says he’ll let him know.

Up at the farm, he spots the boys in the yard playing. He sees Mack and Matty out there also, both cradling cups of teas. Matty’s chatting Mack’s ear off about something so Robert heads over to them.

“He returns! How’d it go?” Mack asks enthusiastically. Moira takes that moment to poke her head out the house and tells them dinners ready. Robert uses that as his escape, calls Seb to come get his things to head home.

Robert’s telling Seb to say thank you for letting him come over when the kitchen door opens, and of course, because this is Robert’s life, Cain and Aaron walk through.

Seb spots Aaron, runs up to hug him and Aaron’s faces breaks into a smile, bending down to Sebs level to engulf him in his arms. Robert can’t help but smile at their sweet moment.

Cain eyes Robert, looks him up and down. Asks what he’s all dressed up for. Robert cringes, because Aaron looks at him, takes in the shirt he’s wearing, his eyes dilating. Robert feels hot under his gaze. Oh god.

Mack, annoying, idiotic and absolutely not a friend to Robert, smirks and informs the group Robert was on a date. Four pairs of eyes turn to look at him.

Robert has no shame in using his son as a human shield against all of them. Tells Seb to hurry up, grabbing his bag from the floor and trying to usher him out. Seb whines, asks his dad when can he next come over. Robert’s telling him soon, don’t worry, and Jesus, is he sweating right now?

Aaron’s in the way of the door, Robert tries to move past him, but Aaron’s stood still. They’re practically bumping chests to get through. Robert’s almost out when he hears Cain ask if that’s who he saw Robert kissing earlier. He slams the door on both Mack and Moira yelling at Robert to get back here right now!

Robert tells the full story to Mack the next day at the farm after he chewed his ear off about it. Doesn’t bother to tell him not to tell Charity because he knows it’ll be pointless.

Mack asks if Robert’s up for seeing him again, and Robert tells him he’s not sure. Mack asks why, and Robert so nearly tells him about Aaron, that even though they’re not together, that Aaron’s married, it still feels like a betrayal. Maybe it’s written all over his face because Mack pats his shoulder, says it’ll come in time.

Since Seb came home to him, Robert’s made sure to spend as much free time as he could together. Knowing he missed out on so many milestones with Seb keeps him up at night sometimes, feels like he owes it to both of them to make new memories together.

Seb asked to do some baking, so him and Robert had made a trip to David’s for cake supplies. They’re debating over what colour sprinkles to get, Seb arguing that green is the best colour in the world, while Robert thinks rainbow sprinkles would be better because just look at all the fun colours.

Tracey’s working behind the counter, smiles at them when they head up to her. She asks Seb what they’re going to bake, Seb tells her they’re baking cupcakes.

Robert jokes with Tracey that they’re going to try but they might not be edible. Tracey looks at Robert and tells him he’s a good dad. There’s a hollow look behind her eyes. Robert asks how her and Frankie are doing. She smiles sadly, shrugs her shoulders.

Robert gets it, filling in the gaps of raising kids with a dead parent. They share a moment only they understand.

Look, Robert’s always been good at maths okay. Except now he’s really starting to wonder if those blows to the head in prison did actually do some damage. He stares at the multiple cupcakes lining his kitchen.

The recipe said a dozen, he’s sure of it. Seb might have got carried away with the flour and eggs, but he was having fun, so Robert didn’t stop him. Then there was the whole trying to keep his son alive by not eating raw batter and then telling him not to throw the sprinkles everywhere. But surely, that wouldn’t contribute to the twenty odd cupcakes sat in his kitchen.

Sebs licking the icing off his second cupcake, yes Robert did cave and give him two, he’ll deal with the sugar high later. Seb’s telling Robert they can have cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner, throwing his arms up all excited. Absolutely not, Robert thinks.

Robert finds a container at the back of the kitchen cupboard, rinses it out and fills in with cupcakes. Seb and him put on their coats and shoes and take off around the village.
They visit the shop first, give Tracey two cupcakes for her and Frankie. They head for Cains garage, passing them out to Sarah and Kammy. Both of them praise Seb for how yummy the cakes are, Sebs toothy grin lighting up his face. They listen to Seb rant about how him and his daddy made them special with all the colours. Robert forgot how grown-up Sarah is now, how much she reminds him of Debbie and Andy.

Walking to the pub with Seb’s hand in his, he asks if Seb remembers Robert telling him Sarah is his cousin. Seb asks if he means like Harry’s his cousin. Robert nods, says that’s his brother’s daughter. Seb thinks he means John; Robert tells him about Andy. Seb says he didn’t know his dad had another brother, and Robert thinks of how when he was younger, when him and Andy were Sebs age back in the village, he never imagined a time when his own kids wouldn’t know who Andy was to him.

Vic had texted him that she was in the Woolpack with Harry and Matty for lunch and asked if they wanted to join. Robert had declined earlier, said Seb and him were going to spend the day together, but he didn’t mind popping over to give them cupcakes at Seb’s request.

They’re sat down in the corner, empty plates on the table. Seb runs over to them, chats away to Vic, tells her he’s been baking like she does. Victoria indulges him, asks all the right questions for an eight-year-old to answer. Robert joins them at the table, finds Seb tugging on his t-shirt to pull him closer, trying to grab the container from his hands.

Victoria and Matty make all the right sounds for Seb’s little ears, ooos and aahs. Robert wants to bottle up this moment they’re sharing, the warm feeling inside of him, remember it forever.

Charity calls out from behind the bar, asking what she’s missing out on. Robert picks Seb up and puts him on a bar stool, Seb offers her a cupcake. She adds to the praise Seb’s been getting all day. Then she’s asking Robert if he’s decided to see Mr Charmer again or not. He asks why she’s so interested in his love life. She says there’s nothing better going on in the village right now. They snip back and forth at each other until Chas walks in from the back.

Chas says she thought she heard his annoying voice in her pub. Robert bites his tongue, reminds himself this is Aaron’s mum, and part of him will always want to try to appease her, no matter how many years have passed.

Chas peers into the container, Seb asks if she wants one too. Chas smiles at him, but Robert hears under her breath asking Charity if Robert had poisoned them. If they were on better terms, Robert would take it as joke. Now, when she says something like that in front of his son, Robert would rather hell freeze over than let her get away with it.

“Always had a way with words you have Chastity.” Robert sneers. She jolts, realises he had heard her. Charity rolls her eyes, use to the drama between them.

Robert’s hurt, that such a sweet moment could be gone because Chas still carries this hate for him, after all the years he’s spent loving, protecting her son. Making him happy, creating a life together.

She’s on the defence immediately, and Robert can verbal battle anyone at the drop of a hat, always has. Vic’s trying to get his attention away from the bar, telling him that Seb’s right there Robert, come on. That seems to snap him out of it. He tells Seb they should go now, drop the last of the cakes off.

Seb, sensing the tension, does the only small act of defiance he can think of and snatches the cupcake right out of Chas’s hand, puts it back into the box and jumps down from the stool. Robert and him walk out, leaving a dumbfounded Chas in their wake.

Seb asks if he can save the remaining two cakes for Aaron and Isaac. Says he can give the one to Isaac at school tomorrow, but Dad, Aaron needs his now. Robert relents, calls Aaron and asks to meet.

Aaron tells them he’s at the scrap yard, finishing up some overdue paperwork while he had a spare few hours. Tells Robert to come down, that he’ll finally be able to show Seb the yard.

Seb’s ecstatic, running from place to place, inspecting all the scrap metal and old car parts. Aaron had decked him out in his own orange hi-vis when they got there, told him some rules to follow, to not touch anything sharp and to always stay in their eyesight.

Aaron’s asking Robert why he’s had a spew of texts from his mum about Robert, Robert tells him what had happened in the pub.

Aaron shakes his head, asks why Robert has to be immature to start something with her, says he knows what she’s like. Robert, like the child Aaron thinks he is, moans that she started it first.

Robert can see something’s on Aaron’s mind, nudges his foot against Aaron’s and tells him to spit it out.

“You’re dating again, then”. Aaron asks, sounds more like a statement to Roberts ears.

Robert contemplates what to say. He wouldn’t go as far as say he was dating, one date hardly qualifies. But he’s not going to confess that the thought of kissing someone that wasn’t Aaron felt like cheating when they weren’t even together. He’s still gathering his thoughts when Aaron interrupts.

“I think it’s great.”

“Great?” Roberts floored.

“Yeah, yanno, getting yourself out there.” Aaron coughs out.

“Right”. Robert crosses his arms, moves his foot from where their shoes had been touching. Because your ex-husband and once-dad-but-no-more-but-something-to-your-son tell you he likes that you’re dating is exactly what Robert wants to hear.

Aaron either misses Robert sour mood or chooses not to engage with it. “And, well, if you want to go out sometime, I’d be happy to have Seb.”

Robert wants to smash Aaron’s head against the scrap behind them. “You want to babysit my son so I can get a leg over someone?”

Aaron scowls. Tells Robert to stop being an arse about this, that he’s trying to be friends here, and that what friends would do. Robert would not call himself the arse in this situation but knows Aaron wouldn’t agree with him.

Robert tells him he needs to head off now, calls Seb’s name to get him to come. Let’s Aaron and Seb have their goodbye, promises of seeing each other soon. Robert takes Seb’s hand and walks away from Aaron.

Robert fumes all the way home. Starts to regret deleting Ronnies contact details from his phone.

Chapter Text

Never say Robert isn’t up for a challenge. Even if the challenge is one that he’s made up in his head and no one else knows about it.

He’s still peeved about Aaron, thinks about how easy it was for him to tell Robert to go date again. Knows he doesn’t have a leg to stand on about it. Knows he was the one that told Aaron first to move on with divorce papers. But prison had been a wall between Robert facing reality, and now there’s no buffer in the way.

He tries dating, swipes on anyone that takes his fancy online. Keeps up the chat for a few days, then grows bored. Deletes it, redownloads, deletes, redownloads.

He goes to lunch with a woman, grabs drinks with a man, gets it on with another woman in the back of her car, and does it again with another man he meets online.

They never go past the first date, Robert never brings them to the village, and he never does it when he’d need someone to babysit Seb.

He knows that everyone knows he’s dating again now though. Mack had looked smug the first time Robert had rolled up to work with his hair all messed up after one of his dates after encouraging him for so long to go out, whistling as they went around their day. And well, Mack will always be Aarons best friend first, so he knows Mack had told Aaron.

Despite him not asking Aaron to babysit Seb, they had been trying to let Aaron be involved more in Sebs day to day life. He’d put Aaron on Sebs emergency contact list at school, and as one of the approved adults allowed to pick him up.

It had only been Victoria and himself at first, but after Seb and Isaac had become fast friends, Moria, Mack and him had realised it would work in their favour to alternate picking the boys up from school when they needed to.

Robert’s discussing Seb’s birthday plans with Matty and Moira at work. Thinks about how it’ll be the first one in years he gets to spend with his little boy. How he wants to make it one to remember, for both of them.

Robert thinks a party would be too overwhelming, for both Seb and him, and he doesn’t want to think about the disappointment of having a smaller number of people willing to celebrate Sebs birthday versus how many had shown up at Isaacs party.

Moira offers for him to have something up at the farm, as Seb likes it up here so much. Robert hums in agreement but still isn’t sold on the idea. Mack asks why they don’t just ask Seb what he wants to do, Robert tells him he wants to surprise him. That he secretly wants to show to people that he’s a good dad, and that he knows what his son would want without having to ask an almost eight-year-old.

Robert thinks about taking Seb back to the zoo, knows he loved it that time they went before. But he’d almost had three panic attacks when they went last time, didn’t want to let that taint the day again. Tries to think of some other things he might be interested in now.

They could go to London, but he doesn’t think Seb would be good for how long they’d have to travel to get there. Then there’s his problems with loud crowds and busy areas. His prison trauma still lingering on the bad days.

Robert’s looking up places to go on his phone at the cafe while on his lunch break when Aaron walks in. They nod at each other, Aaron going up to the till to order.

Aaron drops into the chair opposite Robert, sarnie in hand. He asks what Robert’s up to, he tells him he’s trying to plan something for Seb’s birthday. Aaron says he’s been meaning to speak to Robert about that, how he had an idea but wanted to run it by him first. Robert sits up, tells him he’s all ears.

Aaron mentions taking him to a football game together. Get dinner after, make a day of it. The three of them.

Roberts smiling at him. Thinks he shouldn’t be surprised that Aaron knows their boy so well. Robert hesitates, because a football game for him is up there with things he knows he shouldn’t be around. Aaron notices the frown on Roberts’s face, can see the hesitation.

Aaron starts to back track, telling Robert he shouldn’t have made a suggestion for Roberts’s son. Robert stops him, tells him he thinks it’s a great idea, that Seb would be thrilled. That he’ll ping him the money for the tickets if he can get any, just text him how much. Robert doesn’t want his problems tied round his neck forever, wants to let Seb have these experiences.

Aaron gives him a satisfied look, munches on his sandwich. They fall into conversation, Robert asks how the scrap yard is doing. Aaron tells him about a potential new contract coming up, that he’d let Vinny take charge of. Robert asks if he’s still dealing with a couple of the ones Robert has set up before, Aaron tells him yeah, they’re still kicking around.

John and Chas find them together not long after. Aaron’s telling him a story of a scrap pick up gone wrong, they’re laughing together about it. He’d moved to sit next to Robert, showing him photos on his phone, bodies touching from knees to shoulders. The laughter dies off when they hear Chas clear her throat.

They’re looking at Aaron and Robert, matching sour expressions on their faces. Robert can feel the tension rising, would rather not deal with it. He bids Aaron goodbye with a tap on his thigh, too high up to pass as something friendly, says he needs to head back to work. Gives Chas and John a farewell. Let’s the door swing shut on John asking Aaron what was that and Chas telling him he was supposed to meet them for lunch ages ago at the pub.

Robert picks Seb up from school, notices that he’s more quiet than normal. He still gets days like this, despite how far him and Seb had come since living together again.

Most days, Seb’s energetic, happy and chatty with Robert. Some days, he’s guarded, bits of sadness clinging to his eyes. Today seems like one of those days.

Robert tries not to push. Wants to let Seb work through his emotions, come to Robert if he needs to, actually using the advice given to him about his son. When he first started visiting Seb, he’d tried too hard at trying to make Seb think he could sort all his problems out because he was his dad. It had made Seb more guarded, turn in on himself.

They’d talked through it together with a therapist they’d used for Seb, one Rebecca’s aunt had insisted he see not long after Rebecca’s death. He’s thankful for it now, knows that it helped Seb in the moments Robert wasn’t there. Seb doesn’t see that therapist now, but she’d checked in on them from time to time, and Seb had always been happy to talk to her.

Despite all the trouble Seb has had to deal with at a young age, he’s never really been one to play up. Robert had disciplined him, of course. But mostly small things. Aaron seemed to find it harder to say no to Seb, but he was trying to not let an eight-year-old walk all over him.

Robert doesn’t expect it. He thought they’d been having a nice dinner, he’d cooked chicken, smiley faces and vegetables, something Seb normally eats.

Except tonight Seb’s not listening. He doesn’t turn off the TV when Robert tells him to, doesn’t help set the table until asked multiple times. Doesn’t want to talk to Robert through dinner, shoves the food around his plate.

Robert tells him he needs to eat, to stop playing with his dinner. Seb crosses his arms, shakes his head. Robert tells him fine, if he’s not hungry for dinner, then he surely can’t be hungry for dessert.

The tears start, and Seb bangs his hands against the table. Robert jolts, not expecting the outburst. He’s telling Seb to calm down, what’s gotten into him. He goes to reach for him, but Seb knocks his hands away. He pushes at Robert, then pushes at his plate. They both watch as it falls to the floor, food scattering and plate breaking.

“Sebastian.” Robert raises his voice in shock. Hates himself instantly for it. He sees Seb’s teary eyes widen. Thinks this must be the first time Robert has ever shouted.

Seb goes to move, but Robert grabs for him, lifts his kicking body up, instinct to protect Seb. “Be careful, it’s sharp on the floor.”

Robert tells him he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but his behaviour is unacceptable. That he’s going in time out.

He sits him on the bottom stair, lets Seb cry still. Robert walks away, grabs a dustpan from the kitchen to clean up the mess, watches the clock move ten minutes. Breathes in and out, shakes off the panic in his body. He’s safe. His son is safe.

Seb’s sniffling when he returns, snotty nose and wet face. Robert crouches down in front of him, asks if he understands why he’s been put there. That Robert’s not angry, he loves him. He just wants to know why he’s upset.

Seb nods his head, tells his dad he’s sorry. Seb tells him he misses his mum today. That they’d been talking about families at school. One of the girls in his class had asked why he didn’t have a mummy. Seb said he told her he did, but she said he can’t if he never saw her anymore.

Robert sighs, realises he’ll have to call the school in the morning. Tell them what happened in the class and that it’ll need addressing. He’d spoke to them before Seb had started, asked for a heads up if they were going to teach stuff like this, that he’d wanted to prepare Seb for it, talks of family and how theirs was different now.

Robert tells Seb he understands why he’d be upset, that just because Rebecca isn’t here anymore doesn’t mean she’s not his mum. But that there was no need for his outburst, and that breaking something because he was upset was not right, he could have hurt himself. Seb tells him he’s sorry again, Robert lifts him up, gives him a cuddle, says maybe they should both have an early night.

Robert thinks it’ll get better, but it doesn’t.

Seb doesn’t have an outburst like he did that night, but he still plays up at home more than he used to. Even Aaron had asked Robert if something was going on, having to try discipline Seb himself more than normal. Robert tells him about that night, but that when he’d asked Seb if he was still upset about what happened at school, he’d told them no. All they can do is try to move on from it.

Robert’s got a date.

It was Moira who had set it up. A contact she knew from farming had recently become single, wanted to get back into the dating world, like Robert. She passed Robert her number at work, said the woman was interested, but it was up to Robert to decide. Said what’s the harm in a nice dinner.

Robert makes the effort, wears a nice shirt again, has a pint at the pub before he leaves, calm his nerves. The woman was nice, they’d been texting on and off, seemed to have some things in common.

Victoria had offered to babysit, said her and Harry were missing Seb and they needed some aunt and cousin time together.

Chas serves him at the Woolpack. Looks him up and down, asks if he’s off somewhere. He’s trying to be civil. Tells her he’s meeting someone for dinner.

She nods her head at that, walks away to serve someone else, comes back. Robert looks at her, knows she wants to say something, waits.

She tells him that Aaron had been on at her about what happened in front of Seb at the pub. Robert raises his eyebrow at her, doesn’t reply. Chas stammers, huffs at him. Tells him that she’ll try from now on, to understand what Seb means to Aaron. That he did mean something to her before too.

Robert gets it, knows that they all lost Seb when he went to prison. That going from nana to a stranger must have been hard.

Chas asks, that when they come into the pub again, if she can come say hello to them. Robert weighs it up in his mind. He knows Chas is harmless most of the time. But she’s got a wicked tongue, and Seb’s not fond of her from what he’s seen.

“If Aaron’s to be involved with Seb’s life, I want to try too. And we can’t keep avoiding each other in this Village.” She tells him. Robert eases off, knows she’s right about this, unfortunately. Because it’s true, if he wants Aaron, the Dingles come as well.

Robert goes on his date. Eats the food. Talks, drinks, laughs. She’s a nice woman, pretty. Someone who if they were both fifteen years younger would have been just his type. He drives her home, walks her to the door. She asks if he wants to come in, intention clear. He kisses her cheek, tells her he had a good night, that she was a lovely person, but he best head back now. She takes it well, doesn’t let it bother her. Says if he’s up for dinner again to message her, or if he just needs a friend. She says she could use one as well.

Moria asks how the date went at work, he just says she was nice. Moira tries to get more information from him, but he waves her off, says the animals need tending to.

Mack finds him later, couple of cheese sandwiches with him. They sit, eat in silence, feel the wind on their faces. Robert thinks he’ll never get use to this, the freedom, doesn’t want too anymore.

Mack asks, what happened on the date in the end. Let’s Robert tell him at his own pace. Robert says he’s not sure they’re leading anywhere, and he doesn’t want to lead anyone on.

Mack tells him that maybe he should start letting Aaron go, that their moment a few weeks back was just a slip up and did it really mean anything. That Aaron was still with John, and maybe Robert needed to just think about himself now.

Robert’s head snaps to him, denial sat in his mouth. Mack just smiles, tells Robert did he really think Aaron would keep something like this from his best mate. He goes off, says he hurt Robert didn’t privy him to this juicy information. Says he needs the village gossip to keep him going at his age.

Robert rolls his eyes, should have expected it really. Asks if he’s body swapped with Brenda the way he is droning on. Mack shoves at his shoulder, Scottish accent getting thicker and thicker the more he whines on to Robert about his two best mates keeping secrets from him.

He tells Mack there will always be something between him and Aaron, that’s just the way they are. Mack hums in agreement but asks Robert if he’ll really be happy with only getting Aaron in bits and pieces. Robert thinks he’ll take anything Aaron is willing to give him.

Robert is at the farm when he gets a call from Sebs school. He picks up, thinks they’re going to say to him Seb’s not feeling well. They tell him that it might be best to come pick Seb up early. That there had been an incident with another boy. That Seb had been told off, and that he got very upset.

It’s silent in the car ride home. Seb’s pouting in the back on his booster seat. Robert’s hands are gripping the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. He’d felt embarrassed, not at Seb, but for himself. The deputy head teacher had taken one look at Robert, read Seb’s file and made a judgement. Dad sent to prison and dead mum, no wonder his child was troubled.

Robert pulls to a stop outside their house, gets out and opens Seb’s door, lets him climb out. Seb sees Aaron and Vinny walking past with their lunch, runs over to them. Aaron’s asking what he’s doing home so early, is he not feeling well? Seb’s trying to tell him something, but Robert’s having none of it.

“Sebastian, don’t you dare try to wheedle your way out of this. Home, now.” Robert sees the frown on Aaron’s face, the defeat in Seb’s shoulders.

Aaron takes Seb’s hand, walks them over. He looks worried. Knows Robert doesn’t get angry at Seb, that something must have happened. He’s asking Robert what’s going on, what’s wrong with Seb. Vinny clearly sees the tension brewing, stumbles a goodbye and that he’ll deal with the yard, don’t worry.

Robert storms into the house, throws Seb’s bag at the bottom of the stairs to deal with later. Sees Aaron and Seb follow him, Aaron takes his time with Seb, clearly letting Robert gather himself.

Robert asks if Seb wants to tell him what happened at school, in his own words. Seb’s getting upset, face screwing up. Aaron’s stroking his back, telling him to take a deep breath, it’s okay. Seb stays silent.

Robert tells Aaron that his teacher had said the other boy had said something not nice to Seb, and that Seb had reacted, shoved the boy over, and the boy had done it back. Aaron asks if Seb was hurt, Seb shakes his head. Aaron tells Seb that they want to make it better, that they get sad seeing Seb sad, and won’t he let them help him feel happy.

Robert tells him they have all these exciting plans for his birthday this weekend, and doesn’t he want to enjoy them. That Aaron and Robert had put a lot of thought into celebrating together.

Robert waits, wants to let Seb talk to him about what’s been bothering him. Knows that the only way forward with trying to deal with such big emotions Seb seems to be having is letting him know it’s okay to tell them.

Seb starts to speak, face smushed into Aaron’s chest and it’s like he can’t hold back anymore. Tells them that he doesn’t want his birthday here. That he wants his mummy. That they always did special birthdays things and now he hasn’t, and he can’t see her, and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like any of it.

Robert catches Aaron’s eyes over Seb’s head, sees the wheels turning like they are in his own mind. He’d forgotten. Been too caught up in his own excitement of celebrating a birthday together, one they’d all remember this time.

“It’s all different. There’s no special cake, or or, the present trail and mummy’s singing.” Seb cries.

Robert drops his head, breathes out.

“Seb, we’re so sorry. We didn’t know you and your mummy did all those special things together.” Aaron tells him. He’s wiping Seb’s tears with his sleeve. Seb sniffles into Aaron, face red. Robert kneels down in front of them both, joins his hand on Seb’s back with Aaron’s.

Robert tells Seb he’s sorry too, that he was just so excited to spent it together he’d forgotten, and that wasn’t right. Tells Seb that they don’t have to do what they had planned if he doesn’t want to, they can try do things like he did with his mum.

Aaron tells Seb that he should write a list of all the things he remembers doing with Rebecca, and then his dad and him can try do them too.

Seb nods his head, wipes the last of the tears and heads to his room for some paper and pens. Robert takes his empty space on the sofa, unconsciously leans his body into Aaron’s.

“I’m a bad parent.”

“No, you’re not.” Aaron tells him, shakes his head at Robert.

“I am. God, why didn’t I think about it. Rebecca. He asks to talk about her all the time, I didn’t- I just didn’t think.” Robert’s rubbing his face with both hands, musing his hair. Aaron comforts him, much like he did with Seb. Knows what to say to Robert, tells him what he needs to hear. Like he knows the best way to get through to Robert. That he knows him; knows he’s an amazing dad.

Aaron’s phone rings, they both see it’s John calling. Robert rolls his eyes. Aaron bites his lip, clearly unsure if he should answer with Robert there. Robert gets up, makes the decision for Aaron, tells him to answer while he checks on Seb.

He stands at the top of the stairs, listens to Aaron tell John he just had to nip out quickly, don’t worry. He is coming back to the scrap yard now.

Robert’s emotions are raw. Can’t help feeling that every step forward with Aaron, every brick that he built up again Robert that gets knocked down, John’s there to patch it back. To push Robert back. A constant reminder that he’s still there. The stone in his shoe. The thorn in his side.

Later, Robert puts Seb to bed, tells him they still have to talk about what happened at school, because it wasn’t nice to hurt someone if he was feeling upset. Seb says he understands. He won’t do it again.

Robert finds the list on Seb’s desk, takes it downstairs, sends a photo to Aaron. He replies quickly, says he can help with it. Robert calls Victoria. Tells her what happened. She’s kind, says the same as what Aaron had said. That she’ll help too, of course she will.

Robert makes one last call, to Rebecca’s aunt.

She agrees with Robert’s plan, is happy to help. Says it’s been too long since she’s seen them both, that she misses Seb. They arrange it through texts over the next few days, roping in help from Vic as well.

Robert tracks Aaron down at the scrap yard. Tells him of the new birthday plan, asks if he wants to join, understands if he doesn’t want to. Aaron tells him to stop being stupid, of course he’d be there.

They travel down to Liverpool together in Aaron’s car, Victoria and Harry coming in hers. Rebecca’s aunt meets them there. Seb beams at her, runs up and hugs her. She can’t get a word in edgeways with Seb’s chatter. He’s telling her everything he can think of, grabbing his bag from Robert’s hand, pulling out the picture he’s drawn her. She listens, strokes his hair, smiles at him.

They make their introductions; Robert catches her up on things. Victoria and her get on immediately, walking ahead of Robert and Aaron.

Aaron’s quiet, Robert notices. Asks if he’s okay. Aaron says yes, he’s fine. Just weird, seeing this aunt he’d heard about for so long, could put a face to a name and all that. Robert gets it. Knows Aaron’s seeing the similarities to Rebecca, but an older face, looking at Seb. Pictures what could have been.

The day goes quickly. It’s not the day Robert had envisioned for Seb’s birthday, but he knows this is what’s made Seb happy, and that’s truly all he ever wants for his son now. Robert promises to keep in touch more to Rebecca’s aunt, that he’ll come visit again when they can. Seb gives her a big hug, then runs straight to Aaron, sleepy eyes asking to be carried.

Aaron says his goodbyes, takes him to the car. Robert watches on fondly, turns his head to find Rebecca’s aunt watching him. She raises her eyebrows, chuckles and calls them lovesick kids.

Robert had told both Seb and Isaac that they could have a sleepover for Sebs birthday Friday after school, that they could pick a takeaway and play Seb’s new game he got.
The doorbell rings, and Robert gets up to answer, expecting it to be their food. He finds Aaron there instead.

Aaron holds up Seb’s jumper, says he left it in his car from the weekend, was just coming to return it. Robert takes it from him, says he could have come and got it in the week, he didn’t have to go out of his way.

Aaron’s shifting on his feet, eyes darting around. Robert senses something’s up. Asks if Aaron wants to come it. Aaron’s looks shifty, says he doesn’t want to put Robert out, and he really needs to get back to John.

Robert’s about to reply, when he hears Seb asking if the food is here yet, voice getting louder as he comes running to the door. He spots Aaron, gets all happy, asks if he’s come to dinner as well. Aaron can’t reply before Isaac joins them, asking if Aaron’s staying too, and is he here to plan games as well?

Robert looks at Aaron, clear challenge behind his eyes. To stay with Robert and Seb, or to return to dear old John.

“Well Aaron, are you joining us or not?”

Chapter Text

Robert’s house is full of laughter. Aaron and Isaac are battling it out on Seb’s new game, talking smack about how bad the other one is playing. Seb’s laughing from the sofa, telling Isaac where to shoot Aaron’s player.

Robert’s cleaning up after their pizza, watching them all through the kitchen. He’s smiling to himself, content and happy. This is the life he wants, the one he dreamed about in prison, the images that kept him going in his darkest days. His family, Sebs sweet laugh, Aaron’s chatter, his boys bonding over silly games, being together.

He hears an almighty roar from the boys, sees Aaron throw down the controller in defeat. “That’s it, I’m done. You win Isaac.”

Robert watches him heave his body from the floor, Sebs one already sliding off the soft to replace his next to Isaac’s, starting a new game for them. He’s wiping up their clean plates from the take away they had, even after years inside, he still prefers to eat it dished out on a plate. Aaron had rolled his eyes at it, Robert had rebutted he was trying to teach the boys good habits.

“Defeated by a child, oh how the mighty Aaron Dingle has fallen.” Robert laughs softly.

Aaron joins him, hooks his head over Robert’s shoulder, watches the boys as well. Robert pushes his body back into Aaron’s, lets them touch from head to toe, feels the warmth from Aaron seep into his t-shirt and jogging bottoms, lets himself relax into the safely he’s always felt with Aaron surrounding him.

They stand in silence for a moment, just breathing each other in. He doesn’t want this moment to end but he knows it has to. Aaron winds his arms around Robert’s waist, palm splaying across Robert’s stomach, hugging him fully. He moves his head behind Robert’s, lets his nose run along the back of Robert’s neck, places a soft kiss there, lets it linger. Just once, as if that’s all Aaron can allow himself to give.

Aaron pulls himself away, lets Robert turn in his arms. He drops them, takes a step back from Robert, puts himself against the other side of the kitchen. He runs his eyes up and down Robert, biting his lip. Robert feels his gaze like a burn to his skin. After all these years, just a look from Aaron sends lust straight through him.

“Keep looking at me like that and you’ll have to deal with a problem of mine.”

Aaron’s eyes snap down to Robert’s crotch, stays there for a beat too long. He lifts them slowly, meets Robert’s eyes. The tension rises between them, like the air is getting sucked out the room. Aaron breaks the moment, dropping his head back, cracking his neck. He tells Robert he should go now, Robert doesn't reply. Aaron says goodbye to the boys, promises to play them again for a rematch. Robert walks him at the door, wishes he could kiss him goodbye, wishes that he could just stay.

Robert’s putting the boys to bed, let Isaac call Moira and Cain to say goodnight, struggles to get the boys to clean their teeth in the bathroom, toothpaste somehow ending up on the mirror above the sink. The boys are giggling, rolling around on the airbed Robert had set up on the floor of Seb’s room. He leaves the nightlight on, pulls the door almost shut and wishes them sweet dreams.

Almost an hour later, he can still hear whispered talking from Seb’s room. He goes up, ready to tell them to settle down when he hears what they’re saying. Isaac is asking if he sees Aaron as his dad, Sebs telling him he doesn’t know but that he loves him like he loves his dad.

Isaac’s says that it’s like his brother Kyle, how he had his own mum, but he also has Isaac’s mum, who he loves just as much. And isn’t it so good, to have two dads who love him. Isaac says it’s okay Seb, to want to have two dads, and he supposes Aaron’s alright for a dad, even if he does suck at video games.

Robert feels tears run down his face, wipes them away quickly. All he’s even wanted, was for Seb to love Aaron, to know that Aaron loves him and is his dad, as much as Robert is. He walks past the door, shouts a goodnight boys, hears them giggle and say goodnight back.

He goes to his room, sits on the bed and cries silently. Overflowing with gratitude that he gets this, distraught it’s not how he imagined. He wants the house he built with the family he had. Wants to trip over Seb’s shoes at the door, kiss Aaron hello in the kitchen after a long days work, wants to FaceTime Liv from whatever university she should have gone to. He wants to turn back time, grab hold of himself and shake that man, tell his younger self, what are you doing? You’ll ruin this. This is your life, Robert Sugden. What are you doing?

The day creeps up on Robert without notice. Twenty-five years since his mom died. He wakes up in the morning with a pressure sat so heavy on his chest he feels like he can’t breathe. If he inhales, all he can smell is smoke, feels the fire on his skin, raw and burning.

He busies himself, gets Seb to ready for the day. It’s a Sunday, and him and Victoria have agreed to meet at his mother’s grave to lay flowers, then head for a lunch with the boys. She had told him, that most of her memories are gone of their mum now. Robert realises that it’s the same for him. He had years extra on Victoria yet even he can’t remember her voice, the way she smelled, her little jokes and traditions they would do together.

Robert has few photos of her, moved about so much when he was younger, they got lost along the way. Has no idea what his father did with a lot of the stuff from his childhood, can’t even imagine him being sentimental enough to have cared to keep all these things for his children and grandchildren.

He doesn’t want the same for Seb, realised since prison that he’d done the same thing, took himself away for years, thinking it was for the better. Six years missing from his child’s life, memories and special occasions he’ll never be part of.

Seb carries the flowers, head peeking out over the top of the lily’s they decided on. He spots Vic already there, and surprisingly Sarah is with her. She’s holding her own bunch of flowers, talking to Vic and Harry.

Robert greets her, asks what she’s doing here. She says she wanted to pay her respect to the gran she never knew, felt that it was the right thing to do seeing as her dad couldn’t be here for the day. Robert feels a surge of love for Sarah, thinks it’s moments like this that he’s glad she’s his mums namesake. They ask if she wants to join them for lunch at the Woolpack and she agrees if it’s not any trouble for them.

Robert’s necking pints, he knows it’s bad. The three of them had been talking about his mum, trying to relay stories to Sarah about her, then talking about growing up on the farm with Sarah and Jack, stories of Andy and Robert as boys. The good memories bring the bad ones up from Robert, and if he doesn’t keep drinking, he’s worried that his mind will just spill out everything. He’ll ruin the moment with them, taint their memories of their dads, see Robert in a light he’s tried over ten years to shake off.

Sunday lunch brings a rush of villagers, most of the tables are full. Chas is behind the bar, on good behaviour it seems, came and said hello to Sarah, spoke softly to Seb. Robert had to poke his arm for him to say hello back. At least he did say it, so small victories.

Aaron and John join the wave of people in the pub, settling themselves down at the bar, intent of talking to Chas. Vic waves at them but doesn’t call them over, like she knows that today should just be about their mum.

Chas is pulling Aaron into a hug when he gets close, grasping Johns arm and telling him he did so well. Robert’s not looking in their direction, except now Chas is calling over to Sarah, telling her and the whole pub how great John was, he saved your grumpys life the other day. Sarah looks uncomfortable, clearly wasn’t expecting to hear Cain was hurt in the middle of the pub.

Sarah goes up to the bar, asks what happened. Robert and Vic hear about Johns heroic efforts in helping Cain, how he saved his life after Cain drunk himself into oblivion and passed out. How John was there, always there right at the perfect moment.

Robert laughs, cuts through the conversation, stop it to a holt. It’s pathetic, can’t anyone see? John the hero, the action man, Saint John. Victoria is whispering under her breath for Robert to leave it alone, Aaron’s staring at Robert, shaking his head slightly.

John smiles at Robert, slight uplift of the corners of his mouth, tells him he’s sorry about today for Robert, knows how hard it must be, to lose a mother. Tells them how he felt when it was his, how the pain is still fresh a year on. Robert doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to swap dead mum stories like some teenage girls at a sleepover. John says how awful it must have been, to lose her in a fire, how they couldn’t save her.

Robert stands from his seat, hands balled into fists, walks over to the bar, slight wobble in his step. Vic shouts his name, tells him to calm down. Chas tells Robert he’s cut off, that he can take himself home, she doesn’t want the trouble. John gives Robert that small, pity look he’s donned so well, as if Robert is a drunk mess, acting up.

He can hear Sarah tell Vic she’ll take the boys to the park, clearly seeing the argument about to happen. Vics quickly grabbing their coats, helping Harry’s on while Sarah does Seb’s. She takes both their hands and ushers them out. Both boys seem too excited about the park to even notice the adults all facing off.

The door closes, and Robert goes off. Tells John not to talk about his family, he knows nothing of that happened, to keep his thoughts out of it. He doesn't want Johns pity, not about this, never about his mum. Aarons trying to defuse the situation, Vics telling John she's sorry, it's just a sore subject between them, says thanks for being concerned for them both. Chas can hardly control herself at the best of times when it comes to a verbal match with Robert, the anniversary of his mothers death would be no different.

Chas is telling him how he doesn’t know the meaning of family, that he’s never had it, wouldn’t know about it. How Johns done more for this family than he has. Robert gawks, actually leans his body back from the bar, her words a physical blow. Him? Not knowing about family?

Everything he did in almost the last decade of his life was for his family. Gave up his so she could have Aaron. Because he heard it all that day, the fighting between Chas and Aaron, how she begged him to stay, that Aaron he said he chooses Robert. So he let Aaron go. And he left her to look after his, she had promised that they would be alright. And now he doesn’t even have that.

“You were supposed to look after my family, Aaron and Liv,” Robert’s practically shouting at Chas, the pub his audience. It’s spilling out of him like verbal vomit. “And now she’s dead.”

“Liv was nothing to do with you, she wasn’t your family.” Chas barks back, face twisting.

“She was everything to me. She was mine and Aaron’s. She was our daught-“ Robert cuts himself off, takes a shaky breath. But he knows Chas heard what he almost said, Christ the whole pubs heard him.

Robert’s catches Aaron’s eyes, and Aaron’s looking at him like his whole world has just been laid bare on the middle of the Woolpack. Because he gets it, he knows what Robert feels. Their silly little messed up family that they’ll never get back.

Staring straight at Aaron, Robert says the words again. “She was ours.”

Chas is stunned into silence, mouth snapping shut in a grimace. Vic tries to reach for his arm, but he shrugs her off and storms out, not bothering to wait for the fallout of what he’s just said.

The cold air hits him, sobers him up pretty quickly. Vic is hot on his tail, asking Robert what the hell was that about back there. He tells her to leave it, it doesn’t matter. He storms off, intending to go back to the house, realises that Vic will follow him there, takes himself off in the other direction.

Aaron finds him not long after, joins him on the bridge. Robert’s watching the water flow, feels the heat off Aaron to his side, not quite touching. Aaron tells him he’s sorry about Robert’s mum, and Robert’s tears finally fall. He can’t reply, doesn’t know what he’d even say. Aaron moves closer and lets Robert drop his head onto his shoulder, lets him seek the comfort only Aaron has ever been able to provide Robert.

Robert spots Sarah and Seb on the swings, says he’s sorry for leaving Seb with her. She says it wasn’t a problem, Seb’s easy to look after. Robert says he’ll walk her back, but Seb interrupts, says he’s got something for Sarah back at his house. He runs inside and up to his room, shoes thrown in the entryway. Robert leans down to pick them up, puts them in the shoe cubby he’s trying to get Seb to remember to use.

Seb returns, gives Sarah a picture he must have drawn the other day. He’s acting shy, Robert’s never seen him like it before in front of family. When she leaves, she tells him she had a good day with them, all things considered. Told Robert they make her feel closer to her dad. Robert had forgot that Sarah is just like him really, no mum or dad around. He pulls her into a hug, rests his head on top of hers, says he’ll try being there more, that wants to be.

Robert takes Seb and Isaac to the farm, his turn to pick the boys up from school. Moira had told him this morning to bring them both by for dinner, that they could all have a catch up.

He sits in her kitchen in his usual seat now, talks to her while the boys play upstairs. Kyle brings his homework out and they go through his maths questions. Cain comes in, looks a bit rough around the edges.

He pulls out a beer, sits opposite Robert at the table. Robert takes him in, the dark circles, unkept hair, beard overgrown slightly. Cain’s stoic through dinner, only really talks to the kids. Seb likes Cain, Robert can see it with how he asks questions about cars and the garage. Roberts learnt that his son is a sponge for knowledge, likes to know facts and figures, asks a question with another question. Robert likes that it’s a trait he’s got from him, something that Seb just acted like before he came to live with Robert again.

Before they leave for the night, Robert spots Cain exit the kitchen, heading outside. He joins him, leans his body up against the side of the house next to Cain. He’s still nursing his first beer hours later. Cains spots Robert looking at the can, tells him not to question it, he’s already had an earful from Moria and Chas. He just needed something to take the edge off.

Robert asks if he’s really okay. Cain looks at him like he’s grown another head, and yeah okay, its weird. They’re not really friends, except Cain and Moira are the closest people to Robert outside of his sister, Aaron and Mack. Maybe Cain realises it in that moment as well, because he looks back out to the fields and tells Robert he misses his son.

Robert places his hand on Cains shoulder, doesn’t comment on the wetness to Cains eyes reflecting the moonlight. Tells Robert its hitting him, how it has been over a year, that he wasted so much time with him. Robert doesn’t tell him that he should cherish the time they did have, that it was better to have something than nothing at all. It’s what people use to tell him about Seb, that Robert had those small moments, like that would get him through fourteen years of nothing. Robert missed six, Cain missed twenty odd years of his sons life. The guilt feels the same.

They turn to go back inside when Cain asks Robert if he believes it, that Owen killed Nate. Truthfully, no he doesn’t, never had, but he can’t tell Cain that. He’d gone to the police, dropped himself in it, had Owens brother threaten him. They didn’t believe him before, and Roberts not trying to get on anyone’s bad side now, knows he can’t follow up accusations without facts to the Dingle family. He tells Cain he doesn’t know. Cain stares at Robert like he's looking down to Roberts soul, nods his head.

Roberts walking back to his from the farm, texting Aaron as he’d offered to pick Seb up from school. It’s their normal Thursday, and Robert said he’d get started on dinner while waiting for Aaron and Seb. He’s in Davids, getting last minute dinner supplies when John walks in.

Robert stops himself from doing a full body eyeroll, turns his focus back on the pasta sauce selection. He feels John join him, catches him in the corner of his eye looking at Robert. Creep, Robert thinks.

John starts talking to him, asks how he is, how Seb is. Roberts still not over Johns reaction to Seb in the pub, or his general distant for both Robert and him, and doubts John even feels bad about it. Robert’s half listening to Johns rambling, picking up a sauce jar and reading the ingredients on the back of it.

Although Seb does eat his fruit and vegetables normally, there’s still days his boy refuses to touch them on his plate, so Robert has tried to start sneaking them into food without Seb knowing. Aaron had laughed at him the first time he’d seen Robert blending up vegetables and claiming it was sausage rolls to Seb doubtful eyes when he’d tasted them.

“And Aaron thinks it’s a good idea too,” He hears John speak to him, catching the tail end of whatever he’d been saying.

“Aaron what?”

“Aaron thinks it’s a good idea too, for Seb to spent time at our place, just us three together.” John repeats.

Robert laughs, shakes his head. No way.

“Robert,” John placates, like he’s talking to a small child. “Seb is important to Aaron, and Aaron is important to me. He’s my family, after all.”

“I don’t want you involved with my son.” Robert tells him, and that’s final. Robert pays for the sauce, sees Eric watching them both, no doubt enjoying the opportunity for gossip. He starts to head out, only for John to catch his arm.

John leans into Robert, speaks into his ear. “If you want Aaron to still see Seb, then I’m involved too. I’ve always liked the thought of being a dad.”

Roberts banging pots around in the kitchen when Aaron walks in with Seb. Seb’s in the middle of telling Aaron about his school day, pulling off his shoes. He gets caught in his raincoat, hears Aaron laughing while trying to help it out of it.

Seb darts into the kitchen, says a quick hello to his dad with a hug to Roberts legs, then runs up the stairs to his room. Aaron tells him to slow down, or he’ll fall, they hear Seb shout a quick sorry before his footfalls disappear.

Aaron shakes his head, smile painting his lips. He goes over to Robert, places his hand on the small of his back, pushing it under Roberts t-shirt, feels the hot smooth skin, runs it up and down, dangerously low on Robert’s body, peaks over his shoulder to look at what Roberts cooking.

It’s like both Aaron and Robert forget themselves in these small moments. The simplicity of it, the small touches, longing looks between them both feel so deep, so natural. When it’s in Roberts house, it’s like all limits are off, and no one else matters, no one comes close.

Robert’s stiff under Aarons hand, and he notices. Asks Robert if something happened at the farm. Robert grunts, still to wound up from John to even talk about it. He’s angry at Aaron, that Aaron would want to take these moments they have away, that he thinks John deserves them more than Robert.

Aaron looks at him oddly, goes to say something, but Seb returns downstairs, board game in hand, asking Aaron to help set it up with him. Aaron leaves the kitchen with a longing look at Robert, squeezes his arm as he goes.

Robert joins them, lets the pasta dish bake in the oven. It had been his therapists idea for them to do board games together. Said it was an easy way to help them all bond, a way for Seb to feel comfortable with letting them both into how he might express his emotions.

They’d tried monopoly, but that was too much for Seb to understand and Aaron had told Robert he got too competitive for his own good. They’d also tried puzzles, but Aaron had lost concentration on that pretty quickly, which meant Seb did as well. Aaron had come over one evening with some family friendly board games, said he’d been doing research into what might work.

Robert could tell Seb enjoyed it, would smile and do a happy little jiggle when he’d get something right. Sometimes he’d want to sit on Robert or Aarons laps, cuddle up to them. Roberts just glad that he didn’t miss out on Seb still enjoying hugs.

The oven timer goes off, and Robert gets himself up off the floor to get it. Sees Aaron and Seb pack away the game, start to set the dinner table. Roberts quiet at the table, lets Seb chatter away with Aaron. He sees Aaron looking at him, trying to include him in the conversation. Robert answers in short sentences, doesn’t think Seb notices his off mood, but Aaron does.

Aaron asks if Robert wants to help do the bedtime routine, Robert waves him off, says he’ll clean up. He’s just finishing putting the plates away when Aaron comes back down, said Seb drifted off in the first story, jokes that dinner must have tired him out, seeing as he did most of the talking tonight.

It’s a jab if Robert knows one, lifts his shoulder in a shrug at Aaron, goes to sit down on the sofa, beer in hand. He offers one to Aaron, but he’d refused. Aaron stands in front of him, crosses his arms. “What’s going on? You’ve been in a right mood all evening.”

Robert scoffs, body and mind already on his default setting of defensive. “Liked you’d care.”

“If I knew what it was about, maybe I would.”

Robert looks up at him. “Are you not happy with how things are?”

Aarons faces twists into confusion. “What-“

“Forget it. Have a nice evening. Go enjoy the rest with your husband.”

Robert goes to stand, but Aaron pushes him back onto the sofa. He looms over Robert, searches his eyes. Robert shifts his eyes away, looks around the room, then back at Aaron. “Don’t push me out Robert.” Aaron murmurs.

Yet that’s how Robert feels after what John has said. “Your husband said that you want to stop the dinners here. That you want to take Seb and have them with John now.” Robert bites back.

And okay, maybe he didn’t say that exactly, but that’s how Robert took it, so whatever. Robert makes to stand again, but Aaron pushes him back, keeps his hands on Roberts shoulders.

Aaron tells him that John had been asking Aaron about Seb more, that he understood now that Seb was important to Aaron, that as Aaron husband, he would support him, but that didn’t mean Aaron would want to give up this.

Robert won’t look at Aarons face, stares down at their feet. He feels Aarons hand come up to his cheek, lifts Roberts head to look at him. Prison had made Robert hide his emotions, bottle things up to survive, but Aaron had already been able to read him like an open book, knows what Roberts thinking and feeling before he does himself sometimes. In their best years, before he got sent down, it was mutual. “He wants to be a dad to Seb.”

Aarons thumb strokes his cheek. “You’re his dad Robert.”

“What if I’m not enough?” Because that’s what it boils down to, Robert always doubting that the people he loves don’t really need him, that they can survive, move on, exist without him there.

“You’ll always be enough.”

God, Aaron can’t just say these things to Robert, knows they cut deep, hit Robert down to his core, words like a balm to the jaggary edges of Roberts insecurities. It’s a feeling he’s waved a war with since he was a child, the ever-pressing knowledge that people leave him, then when he got older, he leaves before they get a chance.

Robert pulls at Aaron. Aaron comes willingly, climbs onto Roberts lap, brings his other hand up to caress Roberts face. Robert brings has hands to Aarons hips, drags him closer. Aaron gasps as the contact, eyes heating. He leans down as Robert leans up, kissing his next breath away.

It starts soft, then speeds up, desire caught between them. Aarons fumbling with Roberts t-shirt, pulling it up, Roberts attacking Aarons belt. Aarons moves back on Roberts legs, lets Robert pull his top off. Aarons practically drooling at all of Roberts exposed skin, rubs his palms up his chest, plays with his nipples. Robert throws his head back at the sensation, feels Aaron kiss and suck up his neck, latches onto his mouth again.

Robert gets his hand down Aarons jeans, feels him hot and pulsing, pulls him out. Aaron hisses at the cold air, feels Robert swipe at the head. He starts a rhythm, one he knows Aarons likes. Aarons restless with his hands, reaches down into Roberts trousers, palms him through it. Roberts whispering please into Aarons mouth, begging for more.

There used to be days when they both fought for dominance in the bedroom, and days where they’d beg for the other one to take control. After a while, one of them just knew what the other one needed. Could tell by just a touch, a look.

Aaron presses them close together, uses his and Roberts hand to wrap around them both, wet and aching. They can’t stop kissing, swipes of tongue, biting of lips. Robert speeds them up, then slows them down, keeping them both on edge. Aarons grunting, shifting his body weight on Roberts leg. Roberts pushing his jeans off, grabbing Aaron’s arse, massaging it.

Aaron pushes back into it, then forward, back, forward. Chanting Roberts name like a symphony over and over, telling him it’s good, so good, you’re so good to me Robert.

Roberts close, speeds up his hand, desperate for them to come together. He lets his hand on Aarons arse wander, lets it swipe gently down, pressing the tip of his finger in, pushes up to the knuckle.

Aarons makes a keening sound, then comes all over their hands. Robert follows, hips lifting up into it. Aarons still kissing him, chasing his mouth until their body start to relax. Robert pulls his head away, looks at the mess between them, goes to grab for his t-shirt to wipe them up.

Aaron stares, lifts his hand away, sticky with both of them. He looks up at Robert, and Robert watches as he cleans his hand with his tongue. It’s dirty and maddening and so hot. Because Aaron has to go home and kiss his husband with that mouth, and he had just allowed Robert to stake a claim over him. Robert pulls him back into a kiss, desperate to taste the both of them as well.

He lets Aaron redress, doesn’t bother putting anything back on himself. Aaron’s trying to tell him it shouldn’t happen again, but they both know he doesn’t mean it. It’ll never be a matter of if between them, it’ll be a when.

And they know it.