Archive of Our Own ^beta

Carmilla was just cleaning up her scalpel collection, when there was a knock on the door of her lab.

“Yes?” she beckoned.

The door opened to find the youngest of the crewmembers standing there, wringing his hands nervously.

“Hi,” Tim greeted, his smile the very antithesis of calm and relaxed.

Carmilla set down the scalpel she’d been holding, “Hello, Gunpowder.”

“H-hi,” Tim said again, but at least he had moved into the laboratory instead of standing out in the hallway.

“Everything alright with your eyes?” Carmilla asked and moved to her drawer of the finer screwdrivers.

Why else would Tim be coming into her lab?

“Y-yeah, no,” Tim nodded, looking anywhere but at her face. “Yeah. My-my eyes are fine. I, er…”

Carmilla paused mid-step, “... Yes?”

Tim stayed quiet for a moment, looking like he couldn’t quite make up his mind about what to say first.

“I think Jonny is very cool,” he finally started.

“... Alright?”

“He’s wild – in a, a good kind of way!” he went on. “But he also cares? Like, he’s sweet, but he’ll blow your head off if you say that, but we’re immortal anyway, s-so. And-and! He’s always up for spreading some chaos, and –”

“Dear, what are you getting at?” Carmilla asked, lost.

Tim went completely red in the face, “I’d like to date Jonny.”

Carmilla tried to think about why the boy would come to her with that.

“Are you… looking for advice on how to go about that?” she asked.

Not that she had any real advice, of course.

“Ah, n-no,” Tim said, wringing his hands again. “I’d… erm. I’d like your blessing for it.”

Carmilla frowned, “What?”

“That’s… an unusual sound,” Brian commented.

Nastya glared at him, “It’s not cool to make fun of someone’s laughter.”

Brian raised his hands apologetically, “That’s… Aurora laughing?”

“What’s she laughing about?” Ashes asked.

Jonny snorted, “Tim probably blew something up in his own face again.”

“It… it does have something to do with Tim,” Nastya said, frowning, as she was trying to decipher anything through Aurora’s laughter.

Then she blinked. And started laughing as well.

“Hey, what is it?” Jonny asked with a pout.

“Tim’s asking Carmilla if he can date you,” Nastya told him.

Jonny went red in the face, “Why the fuck is he asking her that?!”

He got up.

“Where is he?!”

“Carmilla’s lab, probably,” Ivy piped up. “97% chance, rounded up.”

As Jonny stormed out of the room – face still flushed – without waiting for Aurora’s confirmation, the remaining crew looked at each other.

They couldn’t miss whatever was going to happen next.

Tim started sputtering, “Y-you know! I’d, erm, I’d like to be in a– in a relationship with Jonny, and I’d like to get your, erm, your blessing to do that.”

Yes, Carmilla got that much. But why.

“A romantic one,” Tim went on, “not platonic. Relationship, I mean. Well, a sexual one, too, but. Erm. Only if he’s up for that, too.”

His eyes went wide.

“Not that- not that I’d force him into a romantic relationship, either!” he backpedalled, looking like he was about to bolt. “If, in the future, he decides that’s not something he wants anymore, then that’s totally valid! I’m going to be a very respectful partner, you have my word!”

“Fuckface!” sounded down the hallway, saving Carmilla from having to deal with the awkward situation on her own.

Tim turned in that direction, somehow even more flustered.

Jonny kicked down the door, earning a smack over his head from Nastya, which he completely ignored.

“Why are you asking Carmilla if you can date me?!” the first mate asked, not very calm (as usual).

How did he know about it, though?

“I, er…”

Carmilla looked at the ceiling.

“Little one, you know it’s not nice to listen in on people,” she gently chided.

“Was funny this time, though,” Ashes spoke up, and Carmilla suddenly found the whole crew gathered in her lab.

“Tim?” Jonny pressed, not very patient (as usual). “The fuck?”

Tim looked down at the floor, swaying forwards and backwards over the balls of his feet with nervousness.

“Well, I…” he started. “Parent’s blessing, you know.”

Interesting custom. Somewhat unnecessary by Carmilla’s standards, when kids were fully grown, but interesting custom nonetheless.

Brian’s eyes went wide and he looked between Ivy and Ashes, “Shit, were we supposed to have done this, too?”

Jonny just facepalmed.

“And why the fuck are you asking Carmilla, then?”

That was the question of the century, though, wasn’t it.

Tim blinked, “Because she’s your mum?”

Carmilla, Jonny’s mother?

… Hm.

Jonny sputtered, “She’s– Wha– No!”

“She’s not?” Tim said with a confused tilt of his head.

“She’s not?” Brian whispered after him.

“I coulda sworn she was your and Nastya’s mother,” Tim hummed.

“Have you not listened to One Eyed Jacks, like, ever? ” Jonny asked, wide-eyed. “My parents are long fucking dead!”

Nastya raised her hand, face red, “How did I just get roped into this?”

Tim waved away Jonny’s protest, “Blood doesn’t matter all that much.”

“Still not my mum!” Jonny cried.

Nastya raised her hand again, “Not mine, either.”

“Oh, hush, now, you two,” Carmilla finally decided to speak up, the simple act stunning Jonny and Nastya into silence.

Carmilla turned to Tim.

“Jonny’s not a child,” she told Tim simply, because there really wasn’t much to it, “so by my standards, he can do whatever he wants to do with his life. I really think you should be talking about this with him and his partners, though, not with me.”

“That was… going to be the next step, yes,” Tim nodded, making Carmilla chuckle.

“You’re a fun kid,” she told him. “You want my blessing? Sure. You’ve got it.”

“You’re not my fucking mum, Doc!” Jonny groaned into his hands.

“And, erm,” Tim went on. “And Nastya? I’d like to date her, too.”

“Same answer, dear.”

“Carmilla!” Nastya cried out in outrage.

Tim grinned, both relieved and very happy.

“Quit grinning like that, idiot!” Jonny frowned. “This means fucking nothing. ”

“Yes!” Nastya joined in. “We. Are not. Her kids. ”

“Oh, hush, little ones,” Carmilla waved them off.

“ What? ” hissed Nastya, while Jonny just managed to let out a confused, “Huh?”

Carmilla patted both of them on their heads, “Hush.”