Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Viktor didn’t expect to see Jayce so early in the lab. According to the mental schedule he had, he should be at one of his classes.

“You look…”

“Like shit?” Jayce said, a tired smile on his face. Viktor got to his workstation, not trying to make any sense of the change of plans. Yes, he looked like shit. Dirty hands, stained shirt, darkness surrounding his eyes. Not a bad look on him, to be honest, but not one he was used to.

“Well, yes. Hold this.” Viktor handed him his mug and then went around the lab, gathering four packs of sugar. Jayce clearly needed the caffeine and wouldn’t take anything bitter without loads of sugar, so he left it at his desk.

His partner nodded in acknowledgement while pouring the sugar into his drink.

It was nice to reach such a peaceful atmosphere, having that closeness. When they got together —working together, he thought it would be a war between them because of their differences, but it had become a good environment with mutual respect and care for each other.

“Guess what.”

That tone meant bad news. Despite giving his unwavering attention to Jayce, he still expected his verbal response.

“What.”

“The midterm celebration is coming.”

“I know that.”

Viktor didn’t participate in it, not even when he was a student. He only assisted when the dean asked him to, although he’d rather go to his apartment and enjoy the quiet of the next morning when everyone was either sleeping or hungover. You could hear a needle drop, bliss. Even Jayce used to get wasted at those events and come later than usual, which was a little downside for him.

“Jinx wants to give us all a show, or so I heard.”

All his muscles tensed at once and he had to hold his cane. Indeed, it was bad news.

When Viktor studied there, he had a bad reputation regarding his research. His line of work involved experimenting at a molecular level and that meant that sometimes he ended up in fires and / or explosions. His teachers used to try to expel him constantly. Lucky for him, he was on the dean’s good side. The man understood that any investigation or discovery would be under the academy name, so he gave him his own lab far away from everything flammable. Then, when Viktor graduated, he won a scholarship to further investigate. He refused to live on campus anymore and got a first-floor apartment close to the academy.

That’s when he met Jinx, a first-year student. Explosions and fire were light to the moth that Jinx was. She used to hover around his lab and then spent a significant time learning with him. He did have fun, he had to admit, but they were a bad influence on each other. And after Jinx used an… explosive device on a parking lot and almost got kicked out, they were absolutely prohibited from working together. Viktor had to plead with everyone to avoid her expulsion, putting his own head on the line. Jinx was the sole reason he refused (and also was banned) to teach in the premises.

He felt responsible for her, at least on academy grounds. There is another reason for attendance to celebrations: Jinx (possibly) being a danger to herself and others.

“Where did you hear it?”

“Caitlyn told me, she’s with… Whatever, long story, but it’s a good source.” Jayce must have seen the fear engraved on his face because he added: “Don’t worry, I’ll be with you.”

That did comfort him.

After Jayce drank his coffee, he found out why he was dirty as hell. Turns out he spent hours on the forge trying to make a piece they needed to connect the main pieces of the prototype model they’ve been working on. Stabilizing chemical compounds at a molecular level wasn't easy at all in practice. They’d managed to show the theory and now they had to put it to use. Sometimes Viktor felt out of himself and wondered how crazy he was for thinking that he could do something like that. Then Jayce shared his own thoughts and clever ideas, making him feel like everything was possible if they put their minds to it.

One step at a time.

“I don’t know if it’s going to work, so don’t get all of your hopes up.”

Even the uncertainties were easier with him, so Viktor always had a little bit of hope.

At the end of the day, it didn’t work at all. They tried other things, working on metal right in the lab, mixing gold, silver, other amalgamations… the only success they got was in making an absolute mess (a tiny fire). Viktor had his tools on the table, some on the floor and even on the old fluffy couch they decided to add to his collection to take naps in. He felt exhausted, and now his hands were dirty, too.

Jayce had his shoulders down, looking defeated. They were used to the frustration of the scientific method, but it had been a while since they showed some kind of progress. At least he wasn’t alone.

“Man, I was up all night forging this…” Jayce took one of the pieces and discarded it with a frown.

Viktor nodded without looking in his direction until he really processed the comment.

“Wait. You had your exams this week, and yesterday you went to your student meeting then spent the night in the forge and…” Viktor glanced at his watch. “You’ve been awake for too long.”

It didn’t occur to him before. Jayce lived on campus, so coming and going was easy for him, getting between his classes, the lab and the meetings he had as the face of the student body. With all that, it wasn’t weird for them to work long hours, it was almost routine since he had so much to do. The perfect alumni. Viktor, on the other hand, only had the lab. He has moved from his hometown and wasn't overly social during his student years. In his free time, he simply stayed home to read or rest rather than get out. He didn’t even know his neighbors. So, he didn’t consider Jayce's workload.

“We’re stuck. We need something… anything.”

Yeah, sure. He knew exactly the pressure they had. It was his whole life at this point.

He didn’t dare to badmouth Jayce, though. He was passionate about it, sometimes getting carried away and kept going for a dangerous amount of time. Of course, that affected his thought process and made him more irritated. And irritating.

“It’s better for you to go to sleep.”

“Did you eat today?”

“Ha. ha. Funny.”

Well. Both of them got carried away sometimes. Viktor had a sense of urgency, constantly in his mind was a clock running out of time, reminding him about the fragility of his health. Thus, paradoxically, made him unconcerned about his immediate bodily needs while in the lab. Jayce used to skip some classes, sometimes sleep. For Viktor it was hunger and pain. He had practice ignoring those.

Anyway, tired and dirty as he was, he refused to argue. His lab partner could be as stubborn as himself, so it was useless to waste any saliva. After tidying his place a little and cleaning what he could, he decided to wait on the couch —well, the space on the couch that wasn’t full of lab stuff. He tried to make himself comfortable while he waited for Jayce, not daring to leave him alone in that state of mind, afraid that his sleep deprivation might cause havoc. He didn’t need another Jinx situation on his belt, no sir. Jayce had to fall asleep at some point, right? He’ll put a blanket on him, and if he falls off his chair, well, he’ll have to call someone to lift him up and take him to his dorm. Easy cake or whatever the saying was.

Jayce didn't mind him at all. He was used to Viktor taking little breaks here and there. Also, he was too invested in his little pieces of metals to say anything.

This was the second year they were working together. They met by pure coincidence at the right time. In a way, he also saved Jayce from expulsion by taking interest in his ideas and treated him seriously. It had paid off, really, even though now he was dozing off watching him. Jayce had been like his mind ortesis, holding him up in the worst of times, when his body was against him.

In the worktable, Jayce stretched from time to time, head kept low, close to what he was doing. Wrote a few times. Then, finally, his breathing became slow, his head still. That was it then. It didn’t take so long.

True to his word, Viktor put a blanket on him before coming back to the couch and trying to put everything in order. Well, as best as he could using his cane. There were machine parts lying around and stains on almost every surface, which he thoroughly cleaned. He would have less hours of sleep but at least the lab was going to be ready to use tomorrow.

He almost rolled his eyes when he heard steps behind him.

“Hmh,” he huffed. “Conveniently waking up just after everything is done.”

He even had turned the lights off; his only illumination was the yellow streetlights that creeped in from the windows. Maybe that’s why he didn’t catch Jayce getting so close until his arms surrounded him. Hugging him. Viktor went stiff, a scaredy cat ready to run. It was a reflex, but never as bad as it was in the beginning, on those first days when Jayce touched him without any warning, brushing past him, putting his hand on his shoulder for reassurance, getting close when they spoke about anything… Then he learned that he touched everyone all the time. He had managed to get used to it. Later, he found himself craving that touch, waiting for any opportunity to get a pat. He’d turned into a street dog.

“What are you…?”

Jayce got his face close to him, cheek to cheek. Viktor held his breath while the pressure on his back increased. He jumped when Jayce buried himself on his neck, sighing… sniffing? Was it a sad hug?

“Are you crying?” He had never emitted a phrase as shaky and high as that one.

Wetness. On his neck. Every little hair standing up out of his control. It wasn’t tears, the thing he was feeling. But how could it be something else? Jayce didn’t let go, even getting closer and nudging Viktor into the wall. He didn’t even have the need to walk since he was pretty much lifted, no strain on his leg.

“Por favor, Viktor,” he whispered in his ear. Sounded eager. He didn’t know Spanish… or did he? The one thing on his head was the drum of his heart, working very hard to get his blood everywhere. He wasn’t sure if he spoke english, actually. Didn’t bring himself to move, either. The wall in front of him was cold, bringing more intensity to the heat of Jayce pressing against his back. He didn’t have the strength to push him away, even if he tried, even if Jayce wasn’t kissing his neck, rubbing his face on him like Viktor was some sort of energy source. He could even feel his eyelashes moving widely against him. Butterfly kisses.

“Jayce...” he murmured as his lab partner’s hands wandered around his body. He didn’t unbutton anything, just felt him above his clothes, touching his ribs, his sides, his brace.

“Siempre había querido hacer esto.”

He had heard him speak spanish before, naturally. Jayce used to give a verbosity of curses when he was angry or frustrated, trying to be respectful to him since he didn’t know a drop of spanish. Mierda.

Jayce’s hip dancing around was what brought him to the present. Viktor wasn’t proud of the sound that came out of his mouth as he realized the real excitement Jayce had, as he shamelessly rubbed his whole cock against his rear, which in turn seemed to make him harder. Viktor arched his back towards him when his lab partner decided to explore under his shirt like it was his territory, not even stopping at his back brace, struggling to get under it.

He gave in, his forehead leaving a sweat mark on the wall as he leaned. Jayce gripped his hips, holding him in place so he could grind against him. With the leg he had firm on the ground, Viktor did nothing but follow his lead, pleasure forming as Jayce grunted behind him, his pants uncomfortably tight.

“Viktor.”

“Mh?” Croaked voice, half a moan. He wished to disappear.

“Viktor, Viktor.”

So, he was a talker. He found out that he adored his name on his mouth, the way he gasped like saying it took everything from him. Only if he could turn around to kiss him, but Viktor only managed to get his hand behind him, pushing Jayce closer as if that was possible. He let go, relaxed his body, accepting anything Jayce wanted to give him, anything.

Had he thought about it before? Of course. Everybody thought about it, fantasized about it. It was Jayce he was talking about, the prettiest face on campus, the helper, the future of the academy. Only Viktor understood his passion, his ambition, his fears. No one else.

“Muévete.”

Jayce hugged him tight with one arm, taking him away from the wall and close to his body. He heard a belt being unlocked, frantic hands moving around behind him. A lewd sound. The wet tip of Jayce’s cock bumped his back as he moved his hand up and down, gripping the shirt on Viktor’s chest, as if he would ever escape, ever get out of those arms willingly. He couldn’t even think straight, just focusing on the sounds coming from Jayce, which almost followed the rhythm of his strokes, increasingly faster.

Viktor held onto the hand on his chest, knuckles white from the tension.

“Ah…”

Jayce came all over his back, then let himself fall against him. His shirt was sticky, wet. Both of them were breathing hard, Viktor still painfully erect, eyes fixed on the wall, refusing to move. He swallowed.

“Jayce.”

Cum was dripping from his back to his sides.

“Jayce!”

Jayce's body went flaccid. Each and every muscle. Viktor took the opportunity to get out of his grasp, held onto the wall to get his cane while Jayce managed to fix his whole pants situation.

He had never… It wasn’t…

Viktor really would have let Jayce fuck him into oblivion. Fuck every hole, come into him as he bit his shoulders, as he grabbed his hair. It was absolutely disgusting, all of the sudden urges coming out of nowhere. Feeling trapped, he went out of the lab to the bathroom. Was he leaving a trail like Hansel?

The reflection on the mirror was a mess, face red, glossy eyes, hair messed up, unbuttoned shirt. Not a good look. He dried himself, resigned. Washed his hands thoroughly, not missing any spot, getting the dirt out of every nail. Taking his time.

His legs felt weaker as he thought about getting back to the lab. The desire was still there, humiliating him. Would he continue? Yes. Yes, he was ready. Fuck the lab, fuck his investigation, fuck Jayce.

At the end, he would have to keep his desire to himself as he saw Jayce sleeping soundly on the couch when he got there.

Jayce was a genius, or close to one. Viktor didn’t immediately accept that fact. He maintained suspicion, doubting the original ideas were really just him, a student who seemed to have it all.

Taking credit for stolen ideas was very common for Piltover's people, so it wasn’t personal. Also, Jayce didn’t seem like the smart type. Visually, he meant. He was a jock, participated in any little student council activity, and got attention from girls and boys. In Viktor's mind, nobody could have it all. You had to pick only a few good attributes. No one could be beautiful, smart, good with people and a respectable person at the same time… It was an idea integrated in his mind, maybe because of the troubles on his own body. Sickness struck him at a very young age, it was the price for his talent, what he could give. What was Jayce's payment to get to have it all? He didn’t have a single clue.

His apartment was colder than usual. It seemed tiny if he compared it with the lab, since he just kept the essentials. A tiny kitchen, bathroom, a bed, a chair. He hadn’t bothered to get more because he didn’t expect visitors of any kind. And it was easier to clean that way. If he wanted something casual, he wouldn’t do it where he lived, he wasn’t crazy. But he just didn’t want it. Turns out having chronic pain really did a number on your libido. Releasing himself was a chore, like washing his clothes, like eating. In his lowest moments, when he wondered what he could be if he was completely healthy, he thought about his romantic life. Of course, he would’ve had so much more experience. Maybe even tried to hook up with girls, too, why not? Maybe he would have breakfast with someone, take turns taking out the trash, and discuss in depth the books they liked. They would fight about the laundry.

Maybe he wouldn’t have to jack off alone in the shower thinking about his lab partner and what he could do to him. To each other. Actual desire, it was crazy. Even as he watched the result of his orgasm mixing with the water, he still ached for Jayce’s touch.

When he got out, his dirty clothes were lying on the floor. Viktor could clearly see the… stains, hard to the touch when he put it in the laundry basket. Things would surely change from that day on, he just didn’t know how. A lot of time has happened since he had been involved with a human on a non-work matter.

He decided to take a sleeping pill with his night medicine cocktail.

The next day he felt ready to face anything, even as his body wasn’t at his best. His leg seemed to have a permanent cramp that sometimes traveled up to his nape, leaving him dizzy. It was a good thing that Jayce wasn’t in the lab when he got there, it let him start at his own pace. Took his time to read Jayce’s notes, what he got to write before falling asleep and cornered him into a wall to jack off behind him. There were notes about what kind of materials could work to effectively connect their machine. Bottom-up thinking. Very nice.

“Look at that, getting late to work,” he heard Jayce say, coming into the lab looking so much better than the day before. Then he realized he wasn’t alone, Sky was right behind him. Both of them held boxes that they put on the worktable.

Sky smiled at him. She used to help when she could and was very interested in the project, although not enough to participate like Jayce. Sky was finishing two masters, so she was more like an adviser when they needed it and exploited her when she got down to the lab. Viktor was grateful for her.

The boxes they were carrying contained varying pieces of metal, of all the colors and textures. Jayce got one and put it in their prototype, getting excited as he showed the tiny screen. There was a movement. Viktor had to blink a few times to process what he was seeing. The metal was affecting entropy at a level never seen before. It was changing the chaos.

Sky covered her mouth.

“I told you!”

Viktor immediately started to print the graphs, examining it up close. They all looked excited while experimenting with some pieces from the boxes, every item giving a different lecture. Some were smaller than others, but they were indubitably there.

It was an absolute breakthrough.

Jayce couldn’t hold his laughter, practically jumping on his place. The others were less expressive, but no less excited about it. Jayce and Sky had to explain to Viktor all the details and the intricacy of their reasoning. His understanding of forging was very limited (it made him feel dizzy and he didn’t have the strength), but he did know about reactions. They were going in the right direction. Light after almost three months working in the shadows. He could feel the weight lifting out his body, even his leg stopped cramping.

“We need bigger ones,” he said, thinking about getting the reaction up.

“I thought so too, but Sky proposed that it has to do with the percentages of materials instead of size.”

“That makes sense.”

“Yes!” Jayce said with triumph. He walked past him and patted him on the shoulder. Viktor noticed that that was the first time he had touched him since the night before. It burned, heat getting to his face as rapid flashes crossed his mind. He intended to ask him about it when they were alone.

In the meantime, Sky helped them, even ordering lunch for everyone in the lab while they worked. Viktor didn’t dare to explain the very extensive list of things he didn’t eat since he was being invited, so he carved around his plate looking for the not-so-disgusting stuff. Without any warning, Jayce took spoonfuls of his food, picking exactly the pumpkins, the peppers. He left him food from his own plate so he could eat more. Sky didn’t even flinch at it and Viktor realized they always did that. There were even times when Jayce made him take bites like it was nothing, sat close to him so he could lean on him while they ate.

It was not unreasonable to finish that kind of trajectory sharing more than food and slight touching. How hadn’t he noticed before?

“It’s amazing what you’ve done. You make a really good team,” Sky said while gathering her things. Viktor wished they could have her full time, they had really accomplished a lot with her in a single day.

“Well, you’ve helped so much.”

“I just really want to know what you come up with before anyone else,” she laughed.

“Thank you, Sky.” Viktor had a more professional way of handling those things. They weren’t friends, but they were more than classmates.

“Just keep me updated,” she said before leaving.

It was six in the afternoon. Finishing on a decent time was weird, especially now that they got results. When they started working in the lab they tried to maintain a normal schedule, then it quickly went to hell, muting into night and dawn shifts.

“God, I’m exhausted.” Jayce was lying on the chair, looking at the ceiling, limbs scattered everywhere.

“What time did you get here?”

Viktor didn’t look at him, incredibly aware of the fact that they were alone, that it was time to go, that they did everything they could do for the day… His doubts still there.

“Eh, six in the morning.” Viktor awkwardly shifted on his seat at his response. “Are you okay?”

“What happened last night?” His words were rushed, fast paced. He had to repeat himself. Jayce took his time to respond which made everything worse.

“Fine. You were right,” he sighed, defeated. “I lost track of time when you left, then woke up on the couch in the middle of the night with my neck all twisted.” Viktor must have a very confused look on his face, for Jayce continued, “It won’t happen again, I just had a lot of stuff to do.”

He was stupefied.

“But it turned out great! We made it work, didn’t we?”

He just kept looking at him. Viktor analized every line of his face, his expectant eyes. It didn’t seem like lying eyes.

“What?”

“‘What?’”

Jayce frowned, matching his energy immediately.

“What got to you, man?”

Viktor didn’t respond, just got up, took his cane and went to the door.

He stopped for a moment in the hall, astonished. His chest brace was suddenly tighter. So it was like that, then? A fling?

Fine.

He refused to let it go to his head. He couldn’t lose focus on the most important thing: his research, his investigation. Falling into whatever Jayce was doing was a waste of time and energy, so he was going to bury it. Just a weird dream from fatigue, from his lack of intimacy. He must get out there and let out his sexual urges, anyone could do as long as they were far from Piltover. In the Academy all that mattered was his investigation.

Viktor went back into being the lab partner he always was. Nothing had really happened.

As the days passed, Viktor's chest pressure lowered to his stomach taking the shape of shame. It cuddled there like an animal seeking shelter. He wasn’t used to deal with shame, at least not in Piltover. He’d rather be dead than let himself be humiliated by those people in any way, refused to feel less than.

He just didn’t take in account the intricacies of a relationship, friends or whatever.

So he dealt with shame the only way he knew how. He made sure Jayce knew that something was wrong, made him walk on eggshells around him and be very careful of getting too close. The first time that he dared to take a radish from Viktor’s plate, he yelled at him for twenty minutes about the implications of stealing food from someone disabled from Zaun. Then left the radishes untouched.

Every time Jayce asked him what was wrong, Viktor limited himself to looking at him like he was stupid.

“Your method is not working.”

It was first thing in the morning, he hadn’t even left his things on the table. Jayce gave out the biggest groan he ever heard.

“We haven’t tried all of them,” He raised a sheet of paper with some elements crossed out.

“It's not necessary. We’re wasting time, it must be bigger.” Viktor leaned on the table still holding his cane.

“Sky also thinks it’s the material. And it wouldn’t fit if it were bigger, we’d have to change the prototypes.”

“Well, if you had listened to me about building an ensemble type, now we could just change the connections and not the whole thing.”

“That would’ve taken time we didn’t have back then.”

“But we do have the time to do this over and over again.”

Jayce stared at him. Viktor didn’t move and held his gaze without any effort.

“We are not building the prototypes again.” As if he had the last say on anything regarding the lab.

“Oh, should I wait until you finish your pretty list before getting to real work?”

“God, stop. What’s up with you?” Jayce's whole body was facing him, he looked tired. “Lately you have been…” He closed his fist in front of him, “impossible. If it's not the size, it’s the material or the color or the temperature…”

“Forgive me for having all things in consideration, you know, like a scientist.” Viktor didn't move a muscle.

“What am I then?”

“You’re a student and you don't know what you are doing.”

“Talk with the wall” Jayce took his forge material to head out.

“Talk with the wall? That's so mature of you, Talis.”

“Go fuck yourself!” Jayce said as he slammed the door shut.

Chapter Text

Jayce wasn’t an incompetent person. He had attempted to do his part, to leave him alone, to follow the rules. It made Viktor’s blood boil. He simply couldn’t hold it in, it went out like word vomit, all those terrible words, as if Jayce didn’t say something to him back, didn’t get him to react or move, Viktor would disappear. What did he get out of it? Nothing. It kept things tense in the lab, and even Sky was avoiding them since she sensed the general vibe. It was bad air, a plague.

Still, he had not resolved the sexual tension on his body. There wasn’t enough time for him to go to Zeun, an exhausting trip, and to talk and pretend to be interested in anyone when all that he wanted was a warm body for his solitary bed. At least Jayce kept his distance for now, and he could ignore the dread on his chest every time he held himself from saying something to him.

A message he received took him out of his thoughts. He looked up at the screen.

I am not attending the celebration tonight.
There is too much work with the council.
I hope you have a good time, my boy. I know you can handle anything.
Take care,

—Heimerdinger.

Wasn’t that just great.

Now he would have to watch all of the alumni. It has been a monumental error to mention to Heimerdinger his intentions to attend the celebration. The little man knew exactly which buttons to press so he could exploit him without him seemingly noticing.

Assuming his new responsibility, he went back to his apartment so he could rest before the night. Becoming a sitter wasn't on his plans for the night, it drained him just to think about it. He just wanted to keep an eye on Jinx, that was all. Well, they were all adults. He had never heard of anything too outrageous on these occasions, only the common stuff: drugs, alcohol, someone hooking up with someone. No one was ever hurt or expelled. It was going to be a quiet night, he told himself. The weather was cold, so maybe few would attend.

He was wrong.

Even as he walked outside, he could hear music coming from the building. There were various groups gathered there, kind of a chill vibe, as the kids would say. Nobody really looked at him when he got onto the big patio. He had been in the Academy for so many years he had become part of the structure itself, a flimsy thing in the background. He wished he could watch them from the inside, that way he won’t freeze to death outside while everyone danced around.

It was easy to pass through the sea of bodies. They were pretty organized, some of them were in charge of drinks and some chips that barely would be enough for five people, others focused on the music. On his day they were lucky if there was one person opening the gates.

Between smoke and laughter, he managed to find a spot he could sit on. The top stairs close to a pillar wasn’t the most glamorous thing in the world, but it had to be enough for now. In fact, it gave Viktor a great view of the patio.

It heavily contrasted with the image he saw in the morning, even if it were the same people. This seemed vibrant, a night where anything could happen. A sharp contrast compared to the concrete building with ancient design, full of mold and cracks, ready to crumble at any moment.

It wasn’t long before he saw a pair of blue braids dancing around in the crowd. He was thankful for Jinx’s loud sense of fashion because it made it so easy to follow her and watch her from there.

“Hm. I thought no one from the Council was coming.”

Caitlyn was standing beside him in a very formal stance. He really had to stretch his neck to see her face. She wasn’t dressed as a cop, and if she changed her whole demeanor she could easily pass as a student. She was far too obvious for his taste.

“I am not from the Council.”

“You are Heimerdinger eyes.”

“Are you the eyes of lady Kiramman?”

She had a crooked smile.

“For tonight, yes. She asked me to be here just in case, and I assume the little one did the same with you.”

He shrugged. “I was going to come anyway.”

Viktor didn’t had friends in the Academy. There were just colleagues, acquaintances, lab partners. He did know a lot of people, though. He had met every member of the Council and even some of their relatives who worked there, too. Due to their own efforts, of course.

Maybe if he was an ass kisser he would have made it further by now, or if he was charming or attractive. Sadly, things couldn’t be changed. He had already bent some of his moral grounds for his position, he needed to maintain some dignity for himself.

Caitlyn, on her part, tried very hard to have her own dignity outside of her family name. To him, she seemed like a brat rich child with a whim of wanting to work like the common people who one day was going to realise she’s better off living at the expense of her mother and name. It was impressive that it hadn't happened yet.

“Of course you would come, Jayce came.”

He was about to get profoundly offended before she pointed at the crowd. Jayce was approaching them with two red plastic cups. He handed one to Cait and the other to him.

“Wine for you,” he said, proud of his decisions.

“I don’t like wine.”

“And I’m on duty, thanks.” Caitlyn returned the drink to Jayce, then left to mingle with the crowd. Those blue braids were still running around, he noticed, not wanting to look at the man in front of him.

“Still mad?”

“I’m not mad.”

“Sure.” Jayce rolled his eyes before sitting beside him.

“Are you really going to make a crippled man stand to find another seat?”

Jayce sighed in response. Neither of them moved. He wanted to talk, of course. Viktor could get really tired of hearing his arguments. He knew it was hard to work like that, with everything so tense between them without knowing why. They’ve fought before many times, it was part of seeing a person every day for years. This was a more convoluted situation, and he didn’t want to talk about it, not anymore. He already went and acted like it was nothing, simply as that.

In those common fights, they both used to react and scream at each other. Maybe he threw things around sometimes, far pettier than Jayce could ever be. And still, he was always the one that bent first. The one that got close, that apologized even when he didn’t understand what went wrong. It was unfair.

Anyways.

He drank the wine. It was… good. He expected that watery, alcohol ridden awful kind that students could afford, but this was classy. It had a body, it left a flowery taste on his mouth. Jayce smiled while Viktor drank.

Apology accepted, perhaps. It was annoying how better he felt with Jayce on his side.

Coming out of the concrete to the garden.

Maybe things could return to normal, for the lab’s sake. If they openly fought about it their relationship was never going to be the same. He was terrified of it.

Jayce nudged him softly as he saw a group of students getting close to them. Only a few had a straight walk. He could recognize Sky, but no one else by name. Just familiar faces seen in the hallways.

“Jayce!” she called, somewhat tipsy. He had never seen her that way, so relaxed. He was glad to see her having a good time, forgetting about the stress of her studies for a while. “They don’t believe that you guys got reads on the molecular… thing.”

Well, she really liked her field.

“Oh, do they?”

“I mean,” one of them shrugged, “it almost violates the laws of physics.”

Sky scoffed. “Teach him, Jayce.”

For Viktor, it didn’t matter if they believed him or not. It was irrelevant to what he was doing, and it didn’t have any impact on his self-esteem as a scientist. He didn’t want this for notoriety or fame… At least not immediately. He wanted to leave a tiny print of his brief time in the world.

Jayce, on the other hand, didn’t mind the attention. He didn’t exactly encourage it, and Viktor was thankful for that. People flocked naturally to him, he could easily control a crowd of any number. When he agreed to explain, everyone looked at him fascinated, and he could see them drool when Jayce started to describe how they had done it. He even took the time to answer their questions, even the stupidest ones, which would later become subject of their amusement, he was sure.

Viktor just stared at him, fixating on his profile while he talked. He nodded a few times in support of his lab partner, like when he mentioned the time it got them to get that tiny read, to really see something tangible. Of course, the pleasant tingling of his limbs was because of the wine he had been drinking and not the way Jayce glanced at him from time to time, making sure he was speaking for the team.

Then Jayce glanced at the crowd below them, squinting his eyes.

“Where’s Jinx?”

Viktor immediately turned to watch the patio. He didn’t see any blue braids running around.

“She must have gotten home.” One of the students shrugged.

“Jinx? Bah, as if she wasn’t announcing her big break tonight.”

“A big break?”

“Something freaky I guess.”

“Is that bad?” asked Sky when she saw their faces.

“Yeah.”

Viktor got up, trying to think of a way to find her. He damned himself, that was exactly the reason he was there, to watch that Jinx didn’t blow up her future. Sky was one of the few that agreed to help them to find her. Jayce went to look for her sister, apparently. He could see some of the students were getting anxious, as if they were waiting for something to happen.

He limped towards the big patio, passing barely through people. The Academy had many green zones, where students could rest, have lunch and well, enjoy themselves. Right now there were no lights on, he could see the car lights that went on the opposite street, but little in front of him. If there were people resting in the grass, he didn’t have a way to know.

Would Jinx be there? He hadn’t seen Ekko either, but they were always together. The uneven ground did nothing for his cane and he had to stop halfway through the campus.

Jinx and her explosive mind. Where was the most explosive-friendly place in the Academy? He hit himself on the forehead. Of course.

“Sky!” he yelled and saw Sky waving at him. “Tell Jayce to meet me in the west wing, hall C!”

He didn’t wait for an answer before leaping into the Academy. If he wanted to make a statement, he knew exactly where he could go. His old lab. How didn’t he think of it before?

The inside of the building was dead. He felt like a ghost inside. His asynchronous steps were all he could hear on his way to the lab. The door was clearly open, almost making him roll his eyes at how obvious and careless Jinx was being. It was silent, still, except for the tiny creak of one of the cabinet doors. The lab’s inventory was still in his head so he could tell easily what was missing. Potassium permanganate.

Shit.

The shelf was racked empty.

The far away window was ajar.

Not so subtle. He took a deep breath before getting close. The window opened to the west garden, a niche place that would surely be empty on an occasion such as this. He didn’t have the time to circle around, so he started to climb out slowly. Damned be his leg, dammed be Jinx. After this he was going to have a serious talk with her, he refused to further participate in any more of her shenanigans.

Just as he was stepping on the grass, he saw white.

A flashing light.

It was instantaneous, it all happened at once.

It wasn’t blunt force what made him fall backward onto the cold tiles of the lab., it was more of a mixture of surprise and bad balance. Although he did feel warm on his face, a sizzling in his ears as he fell.

“Who was that?!”

The hit on his head left him numb. He heard muffled yelling and hurried steps around him.

He opened his eyes slowly, trying to get used to the sudden darkness. He could see the ceiling and had an unbearable feeling of not wanting to move.

“Oh, shit, shit, shit, I'm so sorry Viktor, it was…”

Blue braids running around on his peripheral.

“What was that?” Hurried steps from afar, running towards him. “Viktor?!”

Jayce's eyes, warm, honeyed even in the dark, appeared in his field of vision.

“What was… that?” His own voice was hoarse.

Jinx was crying. “Fireworks.”

Viktor sighed, closing his eyes again, moving his hand to his head.

“Why was a firework aimed at a window?”

“I don’t know!” she sobbed. “It wasn't supposed to be like that. Why were you coming out of a window?”

“Shut up!” Jayce hissed at her. “Viktor, do you know where you are?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me where you are.”

It was sad he was used to this questioning.

“At the academy. Midterm celebration. I am 27 years old. Leg, cotton, school, tomato, white.”

“Okay. Can you stand?”

He supposed he could. Jayce helped him a little, surrounding him with his arm. He was being very careful. There was a stabbing pain in his back that made him flinch.

“Do you want me to carry you?”

“Are you out of your mind?”

He did stand, feeling sore from his nape to his coccyx. Jinx watched him with horror.

“You should go before Caitlyn gets here,” he said to her.

“I can’t leave.”

“If you get caught, you’ll get expelled. No more bombs for you, ever.” Jinx looked at him and at the door. “Go.”

She looked down and got out quickly. It wasn’t the first time they had done something like that, she knew the dance. He hoped it would be the last time, though.

When Caitlyn got there Jayce was inspecting the lab at his request. He wanted to make sure no other thing was taken, and he wasn’t in good condition to look at it himself, so he rested on a chair.

“What happened to you?”

“Nothing.”

She sniffed the air. “It was that kid, right?” She went to look out at the window. “Do you want me to do something about her?”

“Aren’t you dating her sister?” Jayce said from between cabinets. He hadn’t met Jinx's sister yet, but the most astounding thing was that Caitlyn was capable of liking someone.

She shrugged. “Yeah, but she’s a pain in the ass, to be honest.”

“No,” Viktor said, with enough authority despite his state. “I’m going to handle it.”

Caitlyn nodded.

“Are you going to a hospital?”

“No.”

“Oh, God, how can you stand him?” She asked Jayce, irritated.

“Don’t worry. He’s staying with me because there’s no way he can walk to his apartment on his own.”

There was no argument he could make against that. He did expect Jayce to walk him to his home, but clearly, he wasn’t going to allow that. He knew that tone.

His indignation was replaced with panic when he thought about the last time they spent the night together. Was this a proposal? Did Jayce want him some nights to relieve himself and now he was willing to do it in his dorm? And why was he doubting if he allowed him or not?

“Just be careful, this one sleepwalks.”

“I don’t. What the hell, Cait.”

“He does,” mouthed Caitlyn to him, with a smile. “So don’t be scared.”

“Don’t you have a job to go to?”

They bantered for a while. Viktor heard nothing but the screams on his head.

Was Caitlyn telling the truth? She didn’t have reason to lie, and she had known Jayce since they were children.

It wasn’t hard to put two and two together. It was hard to accept the result. Sleepwalkers could do things, that was common knowledge. They could eat, sometimes they followed their routines as if they were awake. Could they have sex? He didn’t even have the courage to ask directly. Hey, you tried to fuck me on your sleep, can you remember anything? Can you believe I didn't do anything about it? Wild, right? This is what a pillow must feel like when it’s humped in desperation.

He has been so stupid, giving him hell for days. And thinking that it could be possible that Jayce… His throat felt tight, his eyes watery.

“I want to throw up.”

In the end, it was Caitlyn and Jayce that dragged him to the dorm. It must be the contusion and not the shame and panicking surrounding his body like bricks.

Jayce’s dorm wasn’t tiny. It took him a while before realizing it was because he didn’t have any roommates, so he had plenty of space for his things. For some reason, Viktor was amazed to see it so tidy. He associated uni dorms with disaster, clearly remembering the difference between his side of the dorm and his own roommates from the time. Here, everything was in its place, the bed made almost to perfection. He felt bad when they got to sit on it.

“Let me know how he’s doing.”

Caitlyn got back to the party, not without telling Jayce what he needed to do in case Viktor fainted or puked or puked blood while fainting. He managed to have a better face by the time they got there, so she left without worry.

“Get your clothes off.”

He was really going to faint.

“What.”

“I’m going to check your back, you can barely walk.”

“I can barely walk since I was born.”

“Ha, ha.”

Jayce was really attentive while he was there. He helped him to undress, and even when Viktor struggled, he had the decency of not saying anything. Turns out, when he fell, he stabbed a stick of metal from his back brace. The piece gave support to his left side and came out with the impact, inserting on his back. Jayce got some medical supplies to clean him off.

“It’s not deep, that’s good,” he said as he took care of it. “You need to change your brace.”

“Yes. It’s an old thing.”

His panic was starting to fade, although it was awkward to have him so close. Then Jayce grabbed his hair, softly. He pressed his fingertips around his scalp; it gave him goosebumps.

“You’re not bleeding. Does it hurt?”

“No… just tender. That's all.”

“Good.”

He grabbed a shirt to lend him on. Put it on.

Viktor could feel his chest getting red as Jayce kneeled in front of him to take off his leg brace. The straps were easy to handle, nevertheless he was being overly cautious of not moving it too much. His hands looked huge while working on his leg, he could perfectly see the veins, the way his fingers flexed working on the brace, as they flexed on his body once, so warm.

“That's okay, thanks,” he said and got to open the straps himself.

“Tsk, don’t.” Jayce hit away his hands, setting his attempt aside. He continued with his calf, and Viktor was thankful that he began from top to bottom so he could partly cover his crotch.

When he finished, he put the brace on the feet of the bed and got him a shirt.

“Are you sure you don’t want a bath?”

As if he would walk without his braces in front of him. Or be naked anywhere near him.

“I’m sure.”

Why was he so embarrassed? He wanted the bed to eat him whole. After Jayce aided him with the shirt, he automatically went for his pants.

“I’ll do it myself, thanks.”

Jayce retreated immediately, his cheeks turning pink, his freckles getting darker in comparison. While he got his pants off, his lab partner put some covers on the floor beside the bed. It was too small for him, let alone for two people to sleep comfortably, even if they wanted. Which they didn’t.

He tried to get comfy there, on his side. The sheets were soft, smelled of fresh laundry. His own bed was too flat for his own taste, this was far better.

Jayce checked on him a few times before getting on his own improvised bed, shutting the light off.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

He wasn’t a heartless person. And he did wonder how Jayce put up with him, too, when he could be such a burden with his character and body and personality.

“It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

He heard a soft laugh.

“I knew you would come around eventually.”

Viktor didn’t deserve it. He turned his back on him, facing the wall.

It was hard to fall asleep without his painkillers and after a fall like that, but he managed after a while. It has been an exhausting couple of days, and having made peace with Jayce lifted a weight on his chest. He decided he would take the sleepwalking accident to his grave and forget about it forever.

But that may be hard.

He woke up to the sound of footsteps. It was the middle of the night so his body was suddenly alert. He leaned on his arm to raise and see empty covers beside him. The door was ajar. He waited with his eyes very open, until he got used to that level of darkness. He saw clearly when Jayce came back and sat on the bed, eating a piece of… bread.

Caitlyn was definitely right.

“Jayce?”

Didn’t even hear him. Viktor was careful to not make any sudden movements and just watched him, looking for any signs of vigil. He had a lazy demeanor, a different gaze to what he had seen before.

If only the bed could swallow him whole.

“Jayce?” he whispered again.

When he finished his bread, he didn’t return to his covers on the floor. He just laid back on the bed, right beside him, poking him with his elbow and shoulder as if he wasn’t there at all. Even when awake Jayce had no idea of the dimension of his body, less alone now that he was sleeping. Viktor was getting cornered again, his whole back touching the wall and his legs as straight as he could, which was not a lot, by the way. Half of him was on top of Jayce’s side.

He repeated his name again, louder, third time being the charm. He put a hand on his chest and moved him. What did people say about waking up sleepwalkers? Jayce was none the wiser, his face turned away from him. Viktor sighed in his misery, thinking about yelling at him and facing the consequences. Then Jayce sighed and put his hand above his, intertwining their fingers.

Why did that happen to him?

He rested his head, half on pillow and half on his chest. He didn't dare to move. Jayce sometimes puts more pressure on his hand, squeezing it. His chest was firm, hot against the cold of the wall. Why did he always end up getting trapped by his body? Why didn’t he hate it? On the contrary. He leaned on him, softly resting his head closer to his chest, his heart ricing, the boiling sensation on his face and neck pooling on his lower stomach. If only Jayce was awake and wanted him, touched him, liked what he saw.

He could make Jayce like him. At least the physical part of it. He could give him pleasure, he knew it, he was good at it, others had told him before. And even if he had lost practice, it would be like riding on a bike. It would be easy with him, getting into it. So big, so beautiful. And there he was, all to himself.

Viktor’s hand started to wander around his chest. He buried his face on the crack of his neck, smelling deeply. There was no trait of the forge, it was just Jayce, his sweet aroma. He was really toned, up to his lower abdomen. His obliques. He had felt Viktor before, why couldn't he do the same? It was only fair.

He stopped when he got to the rim of his briefs. He held his breath, waiting a bit. Then, with the tips of his fingers, he caressed the fabric. Lowered a bit, just his fingertips, nothing more. A soft touch. To his leg and back again. Viktor’s hand was warm, delicate. He was used to working on the finer details of his inventions.

He froze when he heard Jayce, but he just moved his head, resting his chin on top of him.

Even soft, he was big. He wondered how he hadn't noticed before, in the lab, when Jayce sat with his legs open, all exposed to him. How did he manage to not kneel and rub his face against him? He must have been really focused on his work.

From his stomach, he followed the happy trail. He wondered if the hair there must feel as soft on his lips as it did on his hand. So kissable. It was easy to get under his briefs, caressing the fuzz as if it was his own. Could he hold it? Jayce was already worked up, his breathing was quick. He stroked with a slow pace and smiled to himself as Jayce raised his hips; and had to bite his lips from making any sound when he started to moan quietly. Jayce was probably loud when he had sex, and if not, Viktor was sure he would fuck him so hard he would be.

The bed started to creak as he got faster, sweat running through his forehead as he gasped against his neck. It was almost a kiss, almost.

“Come for me, Jayce,” he said there, without varying his rhythm. Obedient as he was, Jayce came onto his hand.

Viktor realized his hand was trembling under those briefs. Their breath matched, desperate. He really wished the other was awake so he could really show him what he could do with his cock.

Without thinking, he touched himself with the same hand, feeling the wetness of cum on him, and how pleasant it felt against his skin, as if it belonged there. He did not care if he moved too fast against Jayce tight or if he would wake him up. His only worry was his hand on his dick, full of Jayce, and how much he wished to be trapped again against him.

He had never finished so fast. His mouth was dry, aching. He needed more, more of Jayce, of his weight, his heat.

He didn’t bother to open his eyes. He would not ruin this by thinking, he just wanted to rest, to enjoy his time in bed with someone, even if he may not want him, even if it was his last time to do so.

Chapter Text

He heard a soft knock on the door.

Viktor didn’t expect anyone, much less while on his break. Immediately he assumed it must be something related to his work at the Academy, given that he hadn’t met anyone since he arrived in Piltover nor had he formed any close friendships that would visit his apartment.

He didn’t move an inch. Maybe it was some religious group or someone trying to sell him a useless house appliance. The knocking continued, this time annoying and hurried.

Pissed, he got out of bed, which was a hell on its own. He had been going through a horrible flare that made him feel sore all over, as if someone had beat the shit out of him and then spat on him and gave him the flu. He limped towards the door, his cane hitting hard on the floor. He flinched at the rush of cold air as he opened it.

“Hey.”

Jayce was standing there.

Why?

He hadn’t seen him since the midterm celebration. After sleeping in Jayce’s dorm, on his bed, he flew out of there in the morning as if he had committed a crime. Maybe he had. They had woken up together, and his heart raced as he remembered that night. It has been the most awkward situation. Later, Viktor had to reassure Jayce on the phone that everything was okay and that he hurried because he had a lot of work to do. It had been almost two weeks since, and now he was outside his door.

“What are you doing here?”

“Rude. Aren’t you going to let me in?”

Viktor moved out of the way to let him in. His apartment had just one bedroom and one bathroom, leaving a tiny living room. He couldn’t ask for more from the dean. It was far from tidy. From the beginning of his flare, the only thing he could do was to rot in bed. Sometimes, when his mind allowed him to, he could read an article or a few pages of a book and then leave it there on the floor. Trash and dirty dishes were scattered everywhere.

“Well, uh… Sorry for the mess,” he said, watching Jayce look around for a place to leave his things. “I was not expecting anyone and…” He shrugged. His brain fog was more noticeable when he talked with someone.

“Don’t worry, I know you. I just need a place to stay for tonight.”

So he knew he was messy? What was... what?

“What? Why?”

“I left my keys inside my dorm. And nobody’s in there till tomorrow… unless you happen to have a master key or something.”

“I don’t.”

Viktor wondered why he didn’t go to Mel’s or to one of his friends. Then, right, of course. He was the easiest choice, he was the nearest to the Academy. “Fine. You can stay, just don’t wake me up again for today.”

He got back to his room, wanting nothing but rest for the moment. He didn’t have the energy nor the time to worry about it.

Before he was beaten by the fact that he had a physical body, he had promised himself nothing would ever happen between him and Jayce, ever again. He was resolved to keep all his perverse thoughts to himself and carry the burden of remembering on his own. They were fine as lab partners, it was unnecessary to complicate things with a sexual relationship. It wasn't very cost effective.

He wasn't a dog that had to beg for crumbs.

Because of it, the break had come at a precious time. At first, he thought he would have space to focus on other things that he could enjoy, and once he was used to his new back brace he could go out without any trouble. Sadly for him, the pain started to act up. It had been like a roller coaster, up and down and sideways. Sleepless nights, fatigued days, nightmarish naps.

The good thing about pain was that it made him think of nothing but pain. He had stayed away from his work, and the academy and Jayce, at least on his mind. He did wonder if it was his body that was taking the matter into its hands now, the only way it knew how.

He woke up by a knock on the door.

Again.

It opened softly, Jayce’s face poking up as if he didn’t want to intrude so much. Too late.

“I know you told me not to wake up, but eh… dinner’s ready.”

Dinner. Viktor looked at the wall, the clock ticking near eight. He wasn't sleeping, it was more like a restless slumber. He followed Jayce, stopping right at the door frame, amazed at the sight of a now clean apartment. The floor was swept, all his empty boxes and cans thrown away and not even a trace of dust. His books were arranged on his bookshelf. At the table, now free of sheets and work, sat two plates.

“You didn’t have to…”

“It’s the least I can do since you’re letting me stay here.”

Viktor walked to the table, sat and got his cane on his side. Before him was a kind of… soup. He hadn’t seen it before.

“It’s… my mother used to make it when I was sick,” he wasn’t looking at Viktor, “It raised me from the dead.”

“Must be good, then.”

He tried to understand why he was so awkward around Jayce this time. Going from anger to desire to embarrassment… why couldn’t he just get back to normal, to act normal? The taste of the soup surprised him, pulling him out of his head. It was revitalizing to eat something other than package garbage. He glanced at Jayce.

“You went to your mom’s, right?”

Jayce nodded. “I should’ve stayed here, though.”

“Did she make you work?”

“Nah, she spent the whole week yelling at me because I didn’t call her. She thinks I spent too much time at the Academy, that I should drop something.”

“Well, she’s not wrong.”

Viktor had seen Ximena through video-call once or twice. She genuinely worried about Jayce and asked him to take care of her ‘baby’. It was a fun couple of days.

“You, too?” He raised an eyebrow.

He focused on his plate. “You run everywhere during the week. On weekends, you keep up with your classes. The forge, the lab, the student council, your career... It’s a lot.”

“I have to finish it. I can’t just disappear when it gets hard, I would lose their trust. My father, if he were alive, would kill me if I threw away the forge. In the lab, we’re trying to make something for the city, for progress. And the student council had pushed the admittance of undercity people, like Jinx.”

“Your father, progress, the undercity... What’s in for you?”

“Nothing is in for me.”

“But what do you like? What of it gives you satisfaction right now?”

Jayce stared at him from across the table, like he was computing the hardest of problems.

“It’s not about me.”

“It got to be.”

“How so?”

“You can’t just give everything and just exploit yourself for the expectation of others. You will end up not being capable of doing anything at all. Self-neglecting leads to burn out, that’s proven.”

Jayce crossed his arms, reclined in the chair with a smug look on his face. “Says the man that explodes every time he rests because he allows his body to be still for once.”

“I take care of myself.”

Jayce looked around him. “Sure you do.”

“No one asked you to do all of this.”

“I like doing it” he said earnestly. “For others, too, I mean. I like taking care of people. In general.”

“It can be a useless endeavor.”

“Not to me.” Jayce looked away, not facing him directly.

“Are you okay with giving everything and being left empty and alone, then?”

“Is that how you feel?”

Viktor went quiet, blinking repeatedly at his soup. Then, he looked sharply at Jayce.

“Thank you for dinner.” He got up, got his cane and took his plate to the sink.

“Viktor... you’re not alone, you know.”

“Goodnight.”

After he closed the door, he didn’t move away. How dare he...? Viktor should’ve thrown him out. He locked himself inside his room, not daring to get out again. Jayce thought he knew him, but he didn’t, he was too busy, he could barely manage his own life.

His wacky sleeping hours made it hard for him to fall asleep. Dinner did make him feel better, which was pleasant and annoying. He started at his door, picturing Jayce on his couch, sleeping, probably covering himself with his own jacket since Viktor didn’t offer him any covers for the night. It was too late to do so, really. And the possibility of Jayce sleepwalking around the living room made him uneasy, a tightness in his gut.

He went up, as quietly as he could, as if that wasn’t his own home. He unlocked the door. It didn’t mean anything, really. It was his apartment. If he wanted, he could sleep in his bathroom, so nobody could tell him if it was wrong to leave his door open, waiting for something. Whatever it may be.

He fell asleep looking at his door, and when he woke up the next morning, it was still half open. Unchanged, untouched. He walked out in the same outfit as the night before, leaning on his door while looking at his couch. Indeed, Jayce was there, the thing too small for someone like him. Maybe he would wake up with a serious case of torticollis. What a bad host he had been.

Jayce’s lashes fluttered before he woke up, looking directly at Viktor.

“You tend to stare at your guests while they’re asleep?”

“Yes,” said Viktor, without moving an inch.

When it was time to get back to the academy, Viktor couldn't. His body was stiff in the morning, and although he had taken a double dose of painkillers, he still had the familiar ache on his body. It was like he was depleted of all the pleasant sensations that he once felt.

In the late afternoon, he decided to make an appearance. Maybe Jayce was worried about him, even though he didn’t call him. He supposed he didn’t want to continue an awkward conversation, and Viktor would be buried alive rather than admit that Jayce was right about it. He did feel like he had given everything to the Academy, to the lab, to his research, which he wasn’t even the owner of. It had been willingly, of course. All the occasions he had missed, all the opportunities to find other things in life that could fulfill him. He didn’t even imagine all that he had lost, all that he sacrificed for a little chance of doing something worthy despite being from Zaun, despite his disability.

Pain always led him to a dark place.

So, he dressed himself up to go to the Academy, to avoid falling into a pit of despair. He still had a great responsibility in the lab.

The first thing he saw was Jayce hunched over with his head between his hands. He jumped when he noticed that Viktor was there, his face utterly afflicted.

“Are you okay?”

Jayce was sweating, a shaky palm going through his hair.

“It doesn’t work anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Viktor got close, without bothering to set down his things. He saw the prototype, the same as ever, with the connection they had been researching for the last couple of days. Now, the machine didn’t give any technical reads.

“Is the power on?”

“Of course the power is on!”

Viktor ignored his yelling, he was very used to Jayce's frustration when they had some mishap. He worked the best through their problems in a state of panic. Most of the time, it gave results, and they could get through it. Viktor didn’t see why it would be different right now.

“I’ll take care of it from here, you can go.”

“Why? I didn’t touch it, it wasn’t my fault.”

“I’m not blaming you.”

“But you think it’s my fault because I’m a student, right? That I don’t know what I’m doing?”

“No one said that.”

Jayce looked at him flabbergasted, clenching his jaw. “You did, though.”

Viktor took a very deep breath, still staring at their creation. He knew he had been unfair before, and it seemed Jayce hadn’t forgotten, not that he should have. He faced him, pressing his lips together tightly.

“I’m sorry for saying that,” he confessed in a soft voice. “I’ve been harsh to you, it wasn’t fair. I work with you because of your insight, your creativity. You bring something unique. I... I couldn’t do it on my own.”

That disarmed Jayce. His frown dissipated.

“Then why are you asking me to leave?”

Because, Jayce, if you fall asleep here as tired and stressed as you are, we’re going to end up fucking on the floor. And he felt already uncomfortable with what he had said, so he refused to be in the same room with a sleepy Jayce or be in any horizontal position near him. Those incidents couldn’t happen again.

“It’s late. You’ve been here all day, now it’s my turn.”

“I’m not tired, I can stay,” said Jayce, with purple eyebags, his skin dry.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“You know what? We should both go,” Viktor sentenced, leaving their prototype aside.

“Yeah, you’re right, we’d better work at your house.”

Viktor wanted to scream into a pillow.

“No, no... let’s leave it for tomorrow.”

“What’s up with you?”

"Nothing.”

“Let’s start, then.”

Jayce was in a stubborn mood.

Viktor could go and leave him alone in the lab. As long as there wasn’t anyone around, he should be fine. But all their hard work has come to a halt now, he couldn’t just go.

He started to dissemble every piece of their creation while Jayce made sure everything was in good condition. Every chip, cable, battery.

“I’m going to kick you if you fall asleep,” Viktor said as he looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

“No, no, I’m fine.” He stretched.

“You better be fine.”

“Tsk.”

He felt better, even then. Working alongside Jayce relaxed him, it was his safe place, as it was before.

After all that, it came time to assemble it again. Jayce was quiet behind him, Viktor had his goggles on, completely focused on the task. He couldn’t mess it up; he needed to fix it.

“Sit on the couch, your breathing is distracting.”

Jayce pouted before going to the couch, while Viktor worked. He turned it on, waiting hopefully for a reading. Jayce had already passed out, his body was all spread on the couch. At least he wasn’t moving.

When the prototype gave its first read, he saw activity. It was small, but it was there. He was relieved and smiled to himself.

At the sounds of the machine, Jayce got close to him. Viktor raised the paper so he could see for himself.

“It’s fixed, finally.”

“Mhh.”

He felt the weight of Jayce’s head resting on his shoulder.

“Take it if you want a closer look,” he shook the paper, Jayce just denied with his head.

“Eres tan inteligente,” he whispered close to his ear. He felt chills across his body.

Viktor didn't turn around to face him because Jayce was hugging him strongly from behind. Goddammit. He started to touch his chest, to press lightly against his skin, his waist. When Jayce’s hands got close to his hips, he jumped away, not getting so far because of the embrace. He was sleepwalking again, there, in the lab. He didn’t pressure him enough to go. He didn’t want him gone.

Viktor pressed his hand against him, stopping it.

“Jayce…”

Jayce, wake up. This is not you, Jayce.

Viktor felt fingers crossing with his own. Jayce's hand was so warm against his skin, it seemed big, like it would take him such a short time to touch him entirely. In contrast, he was always cold, his blood allergic to reaching his limbs, like it was something entirely different that fueled him. But it wasn't. He needed the warm, he craved it with every fiber of his being. Would it be so bad to accept it? It was being given to him as an offer. He was just a man from Zeun that didn’t have anything else but needs to meet.

“Ven, Viktor.”

Jayce turned around his chair, getting face to face while taking his hands. He guided him to the couch, and he sat, having Viktor between his legs, looking up to him. His eyes were kind of cloudy, he blinked slowly, his movements careful. Viktor was supporting himself with an arm on his shoulder, and Jayce held his waist so his legs wouldn’t hurt without the cane. He stopped feeling the ground below as Jayce hugged him tightly, burying his face on him, inhaling deeply like he was looking for something. Without moving his head, he unbuttoned his vest, touching him under his shirt. Viktor felt self-conscious again, thinking of the dents in his skin, the redness his chest-brace caused, his pronounced ribs and awkward posture. His free hand started to twitch when Jayce began to take his shirt off, rubbing his face on his ribcage, leaving various strakes of saliva around him, little kisses.

Jayce let go of him, making him stand on his own.

“Arrodíllate.”

Viktor’s hair stood up as his voice. Then, he was pushed down, leaving him no other choice but to bend down in front of him, right between his thighs. His heart was racing. There was a sharp pain in his leg, as he was just supporting his weight on his knees. It made him almost sit back on his feet, if not where for Jayce that took him by the nape, getting his face to his crotch. As if he wanted to let him know, without a doubt, how hard he was.

Viktor breathed him in, getting inebriated by his smell. It didn’t take Jayce long to get his pants unbuttoned, the fly open. His hot cock, pressed against his cheek, increasing his force trying to get him closer, as if that were possible. He left a heavy sigh when Viktor stuck his tongue out, making it easy to drag it across his face. Jayce gasped softly as he kissed his tip, a salty taste on his mouth. Viktor took his dick on his hand, pulling back and exposing the head completely, swallowing him with hunger.

He wasn’t a scientist while on his knees, there was no pain as Jayce grabbed his hair, guiding his movements in a sharp, hard manner. His mind empty, finally. His mind full of Jayce, his mouth full of Jayce.

“Lo haces tan bien...” he said over him.

Jayce grabbed him up, making him stand up before him. He leaned into a kiss, but Viktor moved his face away as he was embarrassed to kiss him with all the mess on his face. Jayce just moved to his neck, leaving love marks all around, almost making him giggle.

“Quiero besar todos tus lunares... Por favor...”

What did the moon have to do with anything?

Viktor softly gasped every time Jayce sank his teeth in him, not daring to make any audible sounds, little groans coming out against his will. His mind was fuzzy, as if he was in a dream, too. Nothing existed outside of him being kissed, touched, licked, rubbed against, there was barely a consciousness, just the physical sensations saturating everything. Just hands unbuttoning his pants, Jayce trying to reach under them, succeeding, taking his dick out, ready to give. He took his palm to Viktor's mouth, making him spit on it so Jayce could jack him off. He looked tanned against him, looked big. He stopped minding the sound that came out of him or the way his body was being handled. He trusted him, even if he wasn’t entirely there.

He left it all to Jayce and realized how strong he was, able to move him like he was weightless. He hardly noticed interchanging their positions, now Viktor with his back on the couch, Jayce hovering over him, fighting with his leg orthosis while trying to move down his pants as low as he could, which was not a lot since his brace started high on his thigh. Apparently, that was enough or rather, he was eager enough to just leave it be and start kissing his abdomen, his hand firm on his cock, working at a perfect rhythm.

It was almost painful how stimulated he was, his body drowning. When Jayce’s lips got to his pubis, he realized that Jayce wanted to return the favor and quickly tried to recoil, in vain, since Jayce kept him steady in place with one arm. And then the heat of his mouth on Viktor, the careful way in which he avoided using teeth, the intense sucking. He was devouring him, leaving him out of breath.

Flourishing in his mind was a voice that told him that Jayce must be awake, that he must be swallowing him, thinking about his bitter taste, about his scrawny form.

“Jayce, Jayce, stop… please…”

He gave him a few licks before stopping. Jayce dragged his face across his whole torso, his brace, his chest that went up and down frantically. He hovered above him, his lips trailing through his skin but not exactly kissing him. He could feel the cold in the places Jayce has just been in, a trace of emptiness on him.

Like a gentleman, he pulled Viktor’s pants up, then started to caress his tights, his big hands going up and down like he was trying to warm him up. He stared at Jayce, but he was focused on his legs.

When Viktor sat down too long, he would have to massage his legs to get his blood flowing so getting up would be easier. He didn’t hide while doing it, it was something he did without thinking, used to it. He was usually the last one to go home, so he hadn’t thought Jayce would notice. But there he was, massaging him exactly as he himself would do, preparing him to get up.

Fuck it.

“Jayce,” he called, voice hoarse. Jayce raised his head, eyes foggy, so Viktor had to take him by his face to get closer and kiss him. He was received eagerly, Jayce immediately opening his lips to him, his tongue moving slowly against him, traces of his own taste on him. Viktor could feel dripping, wetness, not knowing if it was him or Jayce.

He would lie if he said he hadn't thought about doing it. Everyone thought about kissing Jayce, he was the perfect alumni, the whole Academy wanted to touch him, to feel him, to speak to him. And it was him, with all his flaws, who was getting what everyone coveted.

“Toma,” gasped Jayce, he took one of Viktor’s hands, guiding him to his cock. He didn’t need any clarification of what that meant. He obeyed and raised his hips so they could be against each other, meeting Jayce halfway. His hotness against his skin was mesmerizing. Never had they been so close. Viktor’s fingers were long enough to move around both of them at the same time, jacking them off swiftly. The waves of pleasure on his body were delicious, the subtle movements of Jayce’s hips fucking his hand, his chest rising and falling, dancing above him, his drool falling on Viktor’s chest, then his sharp jaw being liked and kissed. Not a drop of cold air on him, everything covered by Jayce, everything.

He came first, wetting his shirt and part of Jayce’s. His head was dizzy, so drunk of him. Viktor just focused on him now, licking his hand again, guiding him through it, till the end. He groaned when he came, a sound like the time before, a song to his ears.

Jayce dropped his weight on him, since he wasn’t expecting it, he felt crushed.

He couldn’t let Jayce get comfortable on him. If he did, he wouldn’t get off that couch. Shit.

“Get up,” he managed, trying to move under his body.

“¿Por qué?”

Why didn’t he pay attention when he tried to speak to him in spanish.

“Jayce, get up. Please.”

“¿Dónde vas?”

Viktor closed his eyes, inhaling slowly. He struggled against him, trying to get away from him. Jayce stared at him before letting him go.

“Vuelve luego.”

Okay... whatever. Thanks heavens his cane was close because his legs were the weakest he’s ever been. It was humiliating to walk with his pants undone. He quickly tried to compose himself before getting out of the lab. He didn’t want to think about his lab partner waking up like that, between their mess. Gladly he wasn’t going to be there, Viktor had enough as it was.

Have you enjoyed it, Jayce? Have you?

The guilt was all on himself now, like when he jerked off for the first time ever just to later feel like the most abhorrent sinner. And he was one, he had bought a direct ticket to hell by being selfish and taking advantage of Jayce.

He was a weak man. His body was weak, gullible. He could stand up to pain for days, weeks, and not do anything about it, feeling some kind of peace walling in his misery. Having a body meant it had to hurt, it was something he accepted very early in his life. He knew what to do and when. So used to it that pleasure felt alien, foreign. He had never been a touchy person, but he accepted Jayce with his demonstrations of care, it was fine. Even the sex before wasn’t like that, he would gladly avoid being kissed. It was easier then, though, without feelings. It was funny to lie and to be seen as an untouchable gentleman, and being disabled, it was hard to be seen by others as a sexual being. He craved it, though. He was content for a while, then it wasn’t enough, so he stopped altogether. He wanted something else, and Jayce brought it to his door, like a gift. He could just grab it and run with it, not facing any consequences. He didn’t have the strength to say no, not to Jayce. In his mind there were ideas about making him tired more often, keeping him in the lab until dawn, stressing him out on purpose. It was pathetic.

Outside of the lab, the hall seemed larger. He dreaded the way home, feeling all sticky, his leg starting to hurt as his body cooled down. He stopped on his tracks when he saw a blue-haired girl jumping towards him.

A deer caught in highlights.

“I’m not going to blow you up into the air, you know.” She got closer. Viktor panicked as Jinx looked up and down at him. “You look to have been blown already.” She raised her eyebrows, suggestive.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he huffed. “Why are you here?”

Jinx laughed, dancing around him.

“Looking for Vi,” she said, now looking between him and the lab’s door.

“Jinx, no!”

She ran at it, opening it wide. She giggled at the figure of Jayce still asleep, he assumed. He didn’t dare to ask.

“Oh, god,” she closed it behind her, meeting him in the hallway. “I thought you were a virgin.”

“Stop,” he guided her away from the lab. He felt sweat pooling on his neck. He was done. “Go to your sister.”

“He’s cute, though, with those teeth, hahahaha.”

Viktor wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.

Chapter Text

Viktor didn’t sleep that night, staring at the ceiling for far too long. His body ached, his head throbbed, and that wasn’t even the worst part.

Jinx was a particular kind of person. She was smart, a thinker outside the box, an innovator. Socially and emotionally, she was... immature. He could see the child that she was, the kid that she refused to let go. A few of her people could understand her and love her, but to others she seemed off. If she commented about what she saw, could anyone believe her?

He massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to understand at what moment he had become this asshole of a human. He rightfully deserved every bad thing that came to him.

Viktor arrived late at work, busy imagining that his life would be over from then on. Maybe he would have to leave in so facto, get thrown out of his borrowed department, get back to his country the same he had left it: sick and broke. Also, there was something he wanted to discuss with some professors, and it was the perfect excuse to avoid getting to the lab on time. But alas, when the time came, he prepared himself outside of the door, determined. He wasn’t going to run away from the consequences of his actions, he would confess everything he had done and would try to keep his investigation going, even if he wasn’t in the picture anymore.

A strong smell of bleach made him wince when he opened the door.

Jayce was there with rubber gloves and a kitchen apron, with a catchy song playing in the background.

“You’re here!”

Jayce, even though he was smiling, got dark bags under his eyes and a shadow of his beard, more pronounced than usual. It was too early for him to be there.

“Are you going to class dressed like that?”

Every surface of the lab had been cleaned off, every glass and equipment in their place. If it weren’t for the dirty walls, it could be a whole new installation. He was amazed. But something was off.

“Where’s the couch?”

At first he hadn’t caught what was so different and why the place looked bigger somehow. Soulless. Then he noticed the shadows that marked the couch’s absence and realized they had never moved it out of its place until then.

“Uh, I dropped fuel on it, so I sent it to clean up.” Viktor could see his neck flushing a bit. “It should be ready by the evening. And well, this place needed a deep clean.” As he saw Viktor about to open his mouth, he continued “Nothing got thrown out, don’t worry. I left some things there to check out.”

He pointed to a corner, where he saw a stack of boxes, one top of another as if someone was moving out. Jayce turned the music down and took off his gloves.

“When did you do this? Did you sleep?”

He got close with one of the boxes full of trinkets, pieces of metal, blueprints, strange documents with coffee marks, some shiny rocks and what not. He was thankful Jayce had waited for him before throwing everything out in the trash.

“Yeah, here. I don’t even remember you leaving, huh,” he scoffed. “Then... then I dropped the fuel.”

Fuel. Of course.

At least the disgusting piece of furniture was getting cleaned. He checked the lab, moving slowly from one place to another. His leg still hurt and the movements from the night before had made his hips sore, so walking was harder than usual.

“Here, sit down. I assure you everything is in its right place.”

What a gentleman he was. Apart from his own shame, Jayce didn’t act differently around him, so he really was mostly unconscious the night before. Part of Viktor remained suspicious, he couldn’t help it. How can one do all of that and simply... what? Forget? When he dreamed, he usually woke up with the feeling on his skin, even if he didn’t remember exactly what it was, it lingered. Surely, if Jayce dreamed of being with him in such ways, he would wake up disgusted at his own imagination. Maybe that was why he decided to clean everything, thinking it would help with his consciousness.

Meanwhile, to deal with his own consciousness, Viktor had come with a plan to approach Jinx. It would be risky, and even if he got kicked out of the Academy, it would help her in the long run. In his desperation, he had thought about extorting the girl or simply calling her a liar. However, he didn’t have energy anymore. He was ready to get everything over with, without involving anyone else.

“Are you on a flare?” Jayce sounded worried, his face studying Viktor while he sat in front of him.

“No, no... it’s just...” he started, then thought it better. “Yes, maybe it’s starting.”

“You look like it.”

Viktor took a deep breath. When did he not look like it? Since last month, all he did was dance around pain flares with sleepless, stressful nights. And between that, brief moments of bliss given by Jayce, where everything stopped, even his pain. Checking old stuff out was dull, so his mind wandered free. Having accepted his fate, he was calm.

He saw an old blueprint, far in the bottom of the box that took him out of his head. He leaned in, asking far too much from his back muscles while retrieving it. Even with his shirt all askew after, he valued these little wins with his body.

Jayce stared at him, unmoving, his face serious. A flash of anger crossed his eyes, so quickly that he doubted seeing it.

“What is that?”

Viktor looked at his own hand. The blueprint was very old, he remembered bringing it from his old lab. It was for a whole-body brace if he needed one in the future, back when he thought he was an expert on traumatology.

“It’s funny, when I first started...”

“No.” Jayce pointed at him. “On your neck.” Viktor touched the area. He could feel a little sore, barely a bother, just some spots warmer than the rest of his body. His lab partner looked bitter. “Is that a hickey?”

“No,” Viktor said too fast, his voice higher. He wasn’t a good liar, never had been, he didn’t have anyone to lie to. He covered his neck, feeling his eyebrow twitch like it was going to get out of his face. “I hit myself in my room.”

“Oh?” he smiled, daring. Crossed his arms, looked down and up at him again. “And here I was thinking ‘oh, poor Viktor, with a pain flare!’ I mean, obviously you had... exerted your body in some way, and even...”

“Shut up, Jayce.” His face was hot, and he tried to cool down by touching his cheeks with the back of his hands. He didn’t look at himself in the mirror in the morning, it wasn’t something usual for him, at least not to look for love marks.

“And you got all giddy... Why didn’t you tell me?”

Viktor throwed the blueprint in the box again. “Told you what?”

“Who’s the one making you hickeys. Come on, hickeys at your age?” He huffed. “They’re not... that young, right?”

Viktor stood up. ‘At your age’? Really? He wasn’t that much older than him, and his skin was thin, so he looked every bit of his age, it wasn’t his fault. And he would never involve himself with someone younger. Significantly younger. Offended, he grabbed his cane.

“We’re friends, right?” Jayce stood up, too, but didn’t follow him. His voice was hopeful, concerned.

“Yes,” Viktor responded softly, steadying himself so he didn’t lash out at him and make the mistake of hurting him on purpose just because he was mad. He tightened his hand on the cane.

“So...”

“So?”

“Don’t play the fool. Who’s the lucky one?”

Viktor could feel his face getting hot again, he didn’t want to have that conversation with anyone, he wanted to get away, to run.

“It doesn’t matter,” he confessed.

“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters. You wanted it, right?” Jayce asked, careful, waiting for his response. Viktor nodded, then he nodded. “And... an-and they must be important. I’ve never seen you with anyone before.”

“I’m not with anyone.”

“Then tell me,” Jayce pressed. Viktor couldn’t even meet his eyes. “I tell you everything.”

“You don’t.”

“You know how I popped my cherry.”

“Ugh,” Viktor said, a disgusted expression on his face. Then he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. He did know a lot about Jayce, some things against his will. Even after the time they had spent together, Viktor couldn’t be as open as him, as genuine as him, always cautious of what came out of his mouth, always thinking that the walls of the Academy were full of ears and eyes.

He came back and sat again in front of him. They managed to get back to work eventually. Jayce glanced at him, sometimes, or Viktor could catch him looking at the back of his neck. It made him want to cover from head to toe. It got worse when Jayce tried to be smooth about it, looking at his nails while he asked: “... are they tall like you?” or “what was the name of your special friend?”

And then, when they started with the prototype, he asked: “Did you talk about me?”

Viktor stopped, taking off the lab goggles.

“Why would we talk about you?”

“Ha! There’s a person, I knew it. Mr. Hitting myself.” Viktor rolled his eyes. “And well, we work together every day. We call each other if we have news, I’ve stayed at your house.”

That was part of the problem. Maybe if it was different, he wouldn’t be involved in that mess.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Are they jealous?”

“Careful, you’re going to trip on your own ego.” Viktor smirked, not even responding, trying to get back to his work.

Jayce continued: “You spent your life here, so they would get like... two hours at most, some nights only, because you tend to stay late, and get here early. And you must sleep. Your coworker, your lab partner, aka. me, get to have you most of the day, sharing every meal, telling each other secrets.” Viktor blinked, stupefied. “I would be jealous. Wouldn't you?”

Viktor massaged his temples. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at Jayce’s stubbornness and curiosity. He knew that the stamp of scientist was both of those traits, and often he encouraged him in the pursuit of it. When he was the object, though, he suffered.

His other job as the dean’s assistant saved him from any further questioning and let him get out of the lab for a while. He wanted to speak with Jinx soon. Slow as he was, he had to ask around for where to find her. Other students pointed him toward the cafeteria, busy as always. Her braids looked bright next to Ekko’s white dreads.

“Jinx!” he called as they were gathering their things to leave. She crooked her head, turned to him.

“If I walked really fast,” she greeted him, “you think you could catch me?”

Ekko nudged her, trying to save him from her usual comments. Viktor didn’t mind, he knew her and was rather amused by his honest concern. He had been a good influence on Jinx.

“No, but I can throw my cane pretty far. And I have a near perfect aim.”

There was a spark in her eyes.

She agreed to go with him outside, telling Ekko to meet her later. The afternoon was still warm, with tiny dry leaves floating around and getting crushed under them. Viktor decided to lead her to a close bench, covered by one of the few trees that still had leaves.

“I am going to be honest with you, Jinx,” Viktor said as he let his cane aside. “I came to talk to you about two different things, and they may seem connected, but they are not.”

She was curious, he could sense it. She sat beside him while swinging her feet.

“Connected how?”

“Connected as in a… bribe,” he confessed. He was always straightforward with her, it was part of the lab-partner trust. Viktor found out the hard way that Jinx answered best with concrete and direct information.

“I like bribes, though.”

“It is not. Keep that in mind,” he assured her. “It’s about keeping the integrity of the Academy. And mine, in a way.” Jinx narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re bored with your current classes.”

“Yeah, because they suck. They just repeat and repeat and repeat…” She rested her head in her hands. “We don’t do anything.”

“You perceive theory as repetition because you’re not where you ought to be.” Viktor looked straight ahead, being very aware of Jinx's eyes following every movement. “You need a real challenge.”

“You want me back in your lab?” she asked, leaning in and playing with a strand of her hair.

“No. Keep away from my lab,” Viktor sentenced. He would have a sign with Jinx’s face and a no-symbol on it if he could. “You have to be in more advanced classes.”

She deflated like a balloon. “Ah. Sure. These classes are a requirement, though. Un-skippable.”

Viktor shrugged. “I am not popular for following rules. Neither are you.”

“You can’t do that.”

“It’s already done,” he said, having Jinx up on her feet like a rocket before he could finish the whole sentence.

“What?!” She got in front of him and hunched to take him by the shoulders, shaking him.

“Stop, stop!”

“What do you mean it’s done?” She stopped moving him but stared intensely at his eyes as if she was going to find the answer there.

“Listen,” Viktor waited for her to steady a bit. “You have to prepare a project, with all the applied theory, and then present it to a board. The better you do, the more you get ahead.” Jinx was touching her head frantically. “No bombs.”

She went back to sit again, then rose up, then sat again beside him. “If... if I get one year ahead... I don’t have to pay for it, right? I wouldn’t have to.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” he confirmed. Jinx was staring at the campus, possibly thinking about her sister. “If you play your cards right you could get a scholarship, even. They would pay you to be here.”

When she looked at him again, there were tears in her eyes. She hugged him tightly, laughing at nothing in particular.

Viktor was overwhelmed by guilt. He had been aware of Jinx’s struggles since he worked with her. She had been in foster homes, took a lot of pain to get back to her sister, and deciding to further her studies was a huge financial burden on her family. They came from the same place, he understood her sacrifice. He just never did anything about it until a bomb exploded on his face.

Jinx let him go after a few seconds, drying her tears and still laughing. She tried to rub his tears off Viktor’s shirt.

“What... What was the other thing?”

Yes, sure. The other thing. Viktor took a deep breath, feeling his heart rate go off wild, his hands sweating. The warmth of the afternoon was mostly gone, now letting the cold air pass naked between them.

“I’m asking this as a friend. It’s not related to anything. Even if you say no, you are guaranteed to get the process we just talked about. Is that clear?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He took a pause, looked around. Was it a bribe? Of course it was. Viktor closed his eyes. “Don’t tell anyone what you saw last night. Please.”

She immediately smirked and nudged him softly, in a playful manner.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

“I am not.”

He was.

“Why do you want to hide it, then?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I can handle it.”

“Can you handle it quietly?”

She crooked her head, confused. Jinx was really trying to understand him.

“Quiet? Everybody knows you’re...” She raised her hand and let her wrist go limp.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know.” She repeated the gesture, this time letting both of her wrists limp while moving her hands around him, as if by doing it a lot of times Viktor would magically understand. She sighed, defeated. “That you like men, Viktor.”

“That’s not true,” he hurriedly said. “Not everyone knows that.”

“It’s okay to accept yourself,” she said as she gave him a pat on the shoulder, holding back her laughter.

“Tsk. I’m not flamboyant or anything for people to instantly know.”

“You don’t have to. You walk with a swing.”

“I have a hip condition, Jinx.”

“Well, it doesn’t help your case at all.”

Viktor leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Took a deep breath, let his head hang. “I don’t think Jayce wants to be associated with me. Not in that kind of regard.”

"Fine. I’ll do it. Out of pity.” She glanced at him. “You know it’s not right to be treated like that?”

“You don’t understand.”

Jinx was about to respond just as Sky approached Viktor, timidly interrupted.

“I’m sorry, Viktor, Heimerdinger wants to see you in his office,” she said in passing, getting on her way as she waved them goodbye.

“Jinx, do you have a scarf or a bandana?” This time he wanted to be prepared.

“Sure, sticky boy.”

“Sticky?”

“Last nig—”

“Shut up.”

He walked as fast as he could to the office, knowing Heimerdinger didn’t appreciate tardiness. The last thing he needed right now was a call of attention from the dean. When he arrived, Jayce was already there, sitting across from the professor. The meeting was related to their project, then.

“Good to see you, Viktor. Take a seat.”

He nodded and sat beside Jayce. He didn’t look at Viktor, not even glancing in his direction. Maybe that was good, because he was wearing the ugliest piece of clothing he had ever seen, courtesy of Jinx.

“I have seen how much you’ve worked, boys. I’m impressed at the...”

“What’s that?” Jayce blurted out the moment he laid eyes at him, interrupting without thinking. It was a direct accusation. Heimerdinger frowned.

“Nothing special,” he dismissed him with a hand. “Forgive us, professor, you can continue.”

Heimerdinger cleared his throat, ready to keep the meeting going.

“Don’t you think it’s a little flashy to be wearing that in a formal meeting?”

Viktor’s eyes widened. He felt his head throbbing already, while Jayce didn’t even flinch at what he was saying.

Heimerdinger looked uncomfortable.

“Let’s not deviate from the purpose of the meeting,” said the professor in a solemn voice, and with that Jayce left him alone, although he didn’t stop staring at the bandana with disapproving eyes.

It was hard paying attention to the actual words of their mentor. He wanted them to represent the Academy at a science fair, which instantly made Viktor focus. He assured them that any type of progress they had at the moment was good, since part of the fair was to apply for funds or find sponsors that were interested in supporting their work. Viktor was struggling to keep still, this was exactly the opportunity he was waiting for, the one that could make everything worthy.

Heimerdinger continued giving details about the logistics of the place, with some interruptions from Viktor asking specifics about the venue, type of installation, format of the presentation. The professor did not have all the answers yet, as they were still in the registration phase, but Viktor was confident in their work, no one else was working at their level. It was a huge deal, it could open new opportunities to experimental works and other projects.

Jayce remained thoughtful, silent in his chair.

“Thank you, professor. We’re...” he turned to Jayce, who was blinking rapidly, “… really happy you’ve chosen us.”

Heimerdinger smiled, shaking his hand.

“Something in your mind, son?” he asked Jayce, who had not moved.

“Could… any of us, invite someone?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean a partner. From the school.”

Viktor watched him like he was completely mad. What the hell.

“I’m afraid not. This is only for the investigators themselves.”

“Aw. Sorry, Vik.”

Viktor could swear he started to change colors, cold sweat running on his back. He went out of the office in a hurry, finally listening to the voice in his head that had been saying ‘run, run’. Jayce followed, leaving Heimerdinger just standing there, dumbfounded and alone. If Viktor could fight, oh, he would fight him. He would punch him straight in the face, breaking his own knuckles in the process. The only thing he managed to do was to shove him in the hallway (barely, Jayce got out of his way on his own).

“Lab, now,” said Viktor between his teeth, jaw clenched, hands shaking.

“I don’t think…” Jayce started to mumble something. It was too late.

“Now, Jayce!” Viktor yelled. He didn’t yell, ever. People who yelled were immature and uneducated and had no other choice than to use volume to get the attention of others. He went ahead first. Jayce stayed behind, slowing his normal pace.

Viktor took the elevator alone since Jayce went to the stairs, avoiding him. He counted from one to ten repeatedly on his way, his hand on his forehead cleaning his sweat. When he arrived, Jayce was there already, facing him while leaning on the table.

Viktor closed the door behind him and locked it.

“What the hell was that?!” Viktor did yell now, apparently.

“Oh, did it bother you?”

Viktor's hand ran through his hair, not even getting close to Jayce. His breathing was getting shallower.

“Why would you involve the dean in something like this? This is my personal life, it doesn’t concern him nor you!”

“It doesn't concern him, you say?”

“No!”

“Even when you have been fondling with your lover here? In the lab?”

“What...?”

“That kid, Vi’s sister. She saw you in your walk of shame the other day.” Of course she did. Viktor closed his eyes, lips tightly closed. “And it’s true, from what I see.”

“It’s... it’s not like that... I was, I was leaving...” He shook his head repeatedly. His talk with Jinx was indeed too late. It would be funny if Jayce wasn’t looking at him like he hated him.

“Yeah, you were walking with your,” Jayce started to make angry quotation marks on the air, “pants unbuttoned, lips swollen, neck all... ugh, I can’t believe you did this! In the lab!”

Everything would have gotten him there, in one way or another. It was a timing thing. Viktor was still shaking when he walked towards Jayce, lowering the volume of his voice.

“Jayce, it’s not...”

“Stop denying it. Your apartment is right outside,” he pointed with his whole hand in the general direction of it, circling Viktor like a judgmental vulture. “Why would you do it here? That’s why you have time for your lover, while I… shit,” Now it was Jayce's turn to raise his voice. “I’ve left every part of my soul here while you were screwing around! I saw you as a friend,” he got closer as his voice broke. “I’m nothing to you but an annoying student.

Viktor’s hip touched the lab table, getting some pens on the ground.

“Did you do it right here, Viktor?” Jayce was now a few centimeters away. He looked menacing, his stare focused on Viktor’s neck. “Did he bend you over?”

Before he even got the chance to raise his hand, Jayce took him by the wrist.

“Let me go.” Viktor felt his heat through his clothes. Jayce didn’t let go, keeping him in place, cornered.

“Tell me, Viktor,” he insisted, moving his head as he looked for his gaze, which Viktor was actively avoiding. “Did you moan when he touched you?”

He shut his eyes. Jayce’s grip on his wrist tightened. “I did.”

“Show me,” he breathed on him, on his cheek. “I want to hear you.

Jayce let go of his hand, throwing the bandana on the floor. He touched Viktor’s neck, circling every love mark with his thumb, as if he could erase them. Viktor’s mind was racing, unable to concentrate on anything but his shaky legs.

“C’mon. Do it for me,” Jayce whispered. Viktor got goosebumps all over his body, trembling as he stepped aside, swallowing hard. He recognized something in Jayce’s eyes, something he had seen before.

“It’s you,” he said. “It’s you.”

“Are you blaming me? How could I…”

“No,” Viktor interrupted, tired. “You did this,” he pointed at his neck. “You are a sleepwalker. You know that. The other night, in your room, you ate while sleeping. Did you know you could do that?”

The power shifted.

“Y...y-yes.”

“Do you know what else you can do while you sleep?” he asked, not really waiting for an answer. “You like to bite. You like to… touch.”

Jayce stepped back, as if Viktor had thrown acid at him. It was done, it was done, he didn’t know what else to say. His eyes started to sting.

Jayce went out of the door without looking at him.

Chapter Text

Viktor cried at every lab he had ever worked at. Most of the time it was out of frustration due to a failed experiment or project. There had been times when it was because of some injustice, of being looked at less than by his origins or the way he walked or people’s own wrong perceptions of him, or, well. Pain.

It had never been out of… what was it, this time? His chest was so tight it was painful, he didn’t want to move, so he was hunched on the ground sobbing like a kid, without moving. Every time he tried to stop, it would come back like waves, giving him a moment to breathe just to go back to crumble, unable to stop. Was that a broken heart? Was that crying for love?

How could he cry for love that was just his own? It had been clear in his head, he repeated it, this was just a borrowed fantasy, a perversion, some moments he took that he would never otherwise have a chance to live. He had taken advantage of the first weakness he saw on Jayce, robbing him blind, not caring if he was willing or not. That wasn’t love. That was desperation, ambition. If he loved Jayce, he would be at peace just being around him. He would want to see him happy, he would be satisfied with Jayce’s hugs at the end of the day, with the chance to call him and talk about their project. Building something would be enough, more than enough. Just having him as a partner is what held him together all those years, not whatever project they were working on. Why wasn't it enough? He had no right to ask for anything, or to feel like he had lost what didn’t belong to him.

According to books and movies, love was to let go. To be at peace with the decisions of the loved one, to be interested in the overall wellbeing, right? Has he ever felt something like that? Even when he had Rio, he had fought with teeth and nails to not put him down because Viktor didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t care if Rio was suffering. He was suffering, too. It took his father multiple talks to explain to him that loving means letting him rest because he was old and had lived enough with a lot of his love. He had thought, then, that his father would let him die if he saw him in pain, just like Rio, and for a moment he was afraid of that kind of love. He still missed Rio, and he still thought that he should have fought harder to get a little more time.

He wasn’t sure if he even knew what love was.

His cries were about shame, about being found out, about being pathetic. About Jayce leaving the lab. Leaving him. Never seeing Jayce again. Back to being alone, no longer understood by someone else. He didn’t want to get back to it, his father was no longer around to explain to him what he had to do if he loved Jayce the right way. He didn’t have a clue.

He left the lab at dawn. He took all the time in the world to gather his things and leave, including Jinx’s awful bandana. Maybe he could ask her to give it to him and keep it as a memory.

Viktor dragged his feet, a little sore from being on the floor for too many hours. The cold breeze outside just made him shiver, longing for a warm bed. He had assumed every tear he could shed was in the lab, but he was wrong. There was enough to give out on his way home and then on his own couch, with his neck all the way back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. His eyes refused to dry, no matter how many minutes he remained unblinking.

He needed to do something other than crying. It was impossible to go on just waiting for stuff to explode on his nose before doing something about it. He was a scientist, he had to think ahead, see all the possibilities. He had to speak to Jayce.

When Viktor dialed him, it went straight to voice mail.

So, he left it for now, letting the night lull him into sleep. He woke up on the couch, hugging himself, almost in a fetal position. Thank heavens he had changed positions through the course of the night, so his neck didn’t suffer, but his body felt tight all over. His chest was physically sore, his face was covered in dry streak of tears, and not even a shower saved him from the puffy eyes.

Even with the sun out in the morning, it was still a cold walk. Maybe it was too early, he hadn’t looked at the time before getting out, and there weren’t many students around campus; but Jinx was there, waiting at the Academy’s entrance. She composed herself when he saw him, noticeable more jittery than usual, and ran towards him.

“I’m sorry, Cookie. I didn’t know Vi told everything to her stupid girlfriend,” she greeted him, taking his suitcase without asking, and walking alongside him, like the old times. Viktor wasn’t mad at her, not at all, really. Despite all his tears, it was something that had to happen. He had been at peace with that, even if the hit was harder than he imagined.

“It’s okay. This is not your fault.”

Jinx played with her hair, running her hand against her braids over and over.

“You… you said that you asked as a friend. Are we still friends?”

“Of course we are.” He assured her. “I should apologize to you for not doing anything before it affected me. That’s not a friendly thing to do.”

“How friendly it is to almost blow you up in the sky?”

Viktor faked thinking about it.

“Very. Only if it’s almost, though.”

Only then she smiled at him, relieved.

“Is he mad? Your lover boy?”

He didn’t need the clarification.

“Mh,” he nodded. “I need to find him.”

“I think it’s going to work out fine. Vi said he lives up in your ass already, he can’t be mad for too long.”

“She said what now?” Viktor asked, just as he was opening the lab. He didn’t like people talking about him, much less on those terms. Was it too much to ask to not air his dirty laundry around?

Jinx got into the lab like it was her house, leaving his stuff on the table. She looked around, surprised. “Where’s everything? Are you guys moving?”

The couch was still missing, and Viktor had already packed some of his equipment the day before.

“Eh…, kind of.”

She saw his hesitation, which made her conclude the obvious. “You can’t leave. And because of a boy, Viktor? That’s nuts. You can’t abandon your career for a boy, that's rule number one.”

Viktor put a hand on her arm, gently. She looked at him like a lost puppy.

“It will be fine. I’m making things right, trust me. And we’re friends, we will see each other, right?”

“Really?”

“Why not? I assume you wouldn’t let me out of your exhibitions.”

“Would you come to see me?”

“Of course.”

Jinx was a good kid, really. Viktor would keep his word this time, he told himself. He would keep an eye on her, make up to her, not turn into himself and be willfully ignorant of what happened around him. She stayed and helped him to sort out some shelves. She laughed at his mugs and even found a journal where she drew herself and Viktor hadn’t noticed. He would keep those to himself, maybe lending some copies of them to the next person in charge when the time came, but for now all went with him. They didn’t touch anything belonging to Jayce.

When he was alone again, he just watched their project. He didn’t dare to turn it on, what for? The fair? It was the last thing on his mind at that moment. He just wanted to see Jayce, to apologize, to… do whatever he must do to make it up to him, if such a thing was possible. But all his calls went unanswered, and he was starting to lose his patience, getting anxious, losing focus.

“Viktor, are you here?”

He jumped out a little. He had been nervous, really. Just putting a foot on the Academy was an anxious situation, if it weren’t for Jinx he would be a mess.

Mel stood at the entrance and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Viktor. It was an unexpected visit, he could count on one hand the times she had been at the lab. He knew her because she was a member of the student council and so was Jayce, but she dedicated herself to another field. Viktor couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, he just knew it was close to international studies or somehow related to it. Every time Viktor saw her, he thought of diplomacy.

“I’m sorry to bother you… Can we talk?” she asked, her voice hushed. She cleared her throat. “It’s important.”

"Yes, of course. Anything." Viktor gestured to the stools by the worktable, inviting her to sit.

“We could talk here or... I could ask for a cubicle in the library, whichever you prefer.”

Viktor had never seen her nervous before. She looked around, avoiding his eyes, playing with her fingers.

“Here is fine. I… uh, I don’t have anything to offer you, I put away the coffee machine.”

“Put away? Are you leaving?”

“No, not yet. There’re a few things I have to sort out,” he sighed, touching his neck. Mel being uncomfortable made him uncomfortable.

“You can’t leave… I…” She seemed like she wanted to get close but wasn’t sure about it. Viktor looked at her, hesitating every move. “I’m sorry, Viktor. This is hard for me. As a student council member, I'm personally involved. And… you know.”

“I’m not following.”

“We must be the model for other students, our conduct must be impeccable.” She must have noticed his face, because she took a deep breath. “Jayce is a member of the council.”

“He is.”

Mel looked at him.

Viktor looked back.

“I still don’t get it.”

She pressed her lips thin, closing her eyes for a moment. Then, with a newfound determination, she got close to him.

“Jayce told me.”

Viktor was glad he didn’t have anything on his mouth to spit out, even then he managed to choke on his own saliva.

“Shit, sorry, what? What?”

“Shh, Viktor.” Mel got closer to him, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Everything is going to be fine, I swear.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I know that… you may think that because Jayce is part of the student council, we may protect him or ignore situations like these. And you know I’m his friend, but we will do what’s right for you, and for the Academy and for the law.”

“Law?!” He almost yelled, getting up, using the table for balance.

“We will fully cooperate if you want to press charges.”

“What do you mean ‘press charges’?”

Viktor was starting to have tunnel vision.

“Or… or what you decide to do.” Her hand lingered. “I just want to let you know that the council supports you. Jayce is no longer a member.”

He covered his face in a desperate motion. Mel didn’t really know what to do with her hands.

“Mel. I need you to tell me what exactly Jayce said to you. Please.”

She was looking at his face, maybe trying to find some indicator of the right thing to do. She sighed.

“He told me. He assaulted you. More than once. He din—”

“No! No, no, no, Mel, I wasn’t assaulted.”

“Don’t try to—”

“I swear Mel, I haven’t been assaulted, Jayce didn’t make me do anything I’m…”

He was going to kill Jayce with his bare hands.

“I don’t understand.”

“Trust me, Mel, please. Where’s Jayce?”

“He wanted to go to the dean. Turn himself in, resign.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“Excuse me?”

Viktor hurried to get his cane, almost running to the door.

“I swear I’m going to explain it to you, but I need to stop this dumbass from ruining his life.”

Viktor ran to the dean’s office. He couldn’t let Jayce continue to dig his own grave, and even if he had already told Heimerdinger, Viktor could save him. He would put his neck on the line, he was the eldest, he had an advantage over Jayce who was just a student under his guidance. The only one who needed to leave was him. If they tried to do something against Jayce, he was willing to destroy every trace of their project.

He saw his lab partner waiting outside the dean’s office, looking at the floor. That was a relief.

“Let’s go.”

Jayce didn’t look up.

“No.”

Heimerdinger opened the door, looking surprised to see them both outside.

“Well, hello boys. Come in.”

Viktor got into Jayce’s way.

“I’m sorry, professor. There has been a misunderstanding.”

Jayce was about to speak, but Viktor wasn’t going to risk having him open his mouth, not even for a second, so he firmly moved his cane, stepping right into Jayce’s feet. Then, took his hand, strongly as he could do. Yes, probably Jayce could free himself, but he could still try to keep him close.

“We had some doubts about the fair, but I think it had been made clear already. We are sorry for wasting your time.”

Heimerdinger crooked his head to the side.

“I’m glad to see you are getting along better.”

“Me, too. Thank you, professor.”

Viktor didn’t waste more time, dragging Jayce through the hall and away, far away from that office as possible.

“Viktor, wai—”

“No. Look at me,” he turned back, meeting Jayce’s gaze. “You are going to shut up. Is that clear? Don’t talk, just nod.”

He nodded, afraid.

“You are not going to talk until we are at my apartment.”

“Vik—”

“Shut the fuck up, Jayce. You are not going to talk until we get to my apartment. Nod.” He repeated.

Jayce nodded, his mouth kept open, but no sound came out. Viktor didn’t swear, but lately he had to be so much more than he was on his mind.

He went to the lab, planning to talk with Mel, but she wasn’t there any longer. He’ll have to come on another occasion to explain everything to her, but for now, he would focus on the immediate fire: Jayce. He had obeyed, maintaining his silence the whole way in the Academy and then back to his apartment. Viktor led all the way, and he didn’t turn back to see him, he knew he followed in his footsteps. He even left the door open and walked straight to his kitchen, putting the kettle on.

“What are you doing?”

Jayce was looking at him, leaning on the couch, arms crossed.

“I’m deciding if I want to kill you with poison or to make it look like a lab accident.”

“Not funny.”

“Didn’t mean to be funny.” Viktor glanced back from his shoulder. Jayce didn’t look as anxious as before.

“How did you know…?”

“Wait. Give me a minute.”

He was making lemon balm tea. It was his go-to when he wanted to calm his nerves. Maybe it would help them both.

“Drink this.”

“I see you picked up poison.”

“Yes.”

Jayce drinks it, in silence. Viktor does, too, watching him from the kitchen, waiting for the right moment, not sure where to start. It wasn’t in his plans to be this messy, and he didn’t take into consideration how fast Jayce could act, especially against himself.

“Why did you tell Mel about it?”

“She’s in charge. I know her,” he shrugged. “She’s more reasonable than me.”

That was true.

“You went straight to Heimerdinger before speaking to me. It would be easier to just write everything in the Academy’s journal, don’t you think?” Jayce stared at the floor, his shoulder tensed up. Viktor’s face fell. “Did you write in a journal?”

“No. Well, not a journal. My journal. No one’s gonna read it.”

Viktor closed his eyes, chugged the whole cup in one go.

“Let’s… start again.” It was a phrase he used a lot when they worked. It allowed them to get out of useless rhetoric and dead ends. “You should have talked to me first.”

“I was planning on doing it, just… not before everything was handled. I wanted to make sure you knew you were safe now.”

“I was never in danger.”

“I assaulted you.”

“You didn’t.”

“You have marks on your neck.”

“Yes, but you didn’t assault me.”

“You said it was me who did that, were you lying?”

Viktor laughs.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I feel so stupid…” he sighed. It was time to act. Why was it so hard, why was he so blocked? He didn’t want to hurt Jayce or let Jayce hurt himself. He wanted it to be over, to be on the other side already.

The crossing was excruciating.

He decided to sit. Head back, looking at the ceiling. He had been there before, and cried, and thought about every possible scenario. He could see Jayce in his peripheral vision.

“I’m going to tell you something. Are you listening?”

“I am.”

Viktor felt shame running through his veins, heavy as iron. He deserved the whole truth.

“I let it happen. No, no,” he said as Jayce started to open his mouth. “Please, listen.

“I knew you weren’t fully conscious and let it happen. I didn’t stop you when I could because I didn’t want to. It was my only chance. I couldn’t resist you, no when you were offering something like that. I took advantage of it.” The ceiling went blurry, his eyes hot trying to focus. “I kept quiet, didn’t tell you anything. When you… in midterm, when you stayed here, I left my door open,” he laughed, bitterly, while tears ran across his temples, “thinking that maybe you would want to come in. I wanted you to want me, even if it was a lie. I fell from the apparent desire because I needed to believe it.

“I’m sorry. I should be the one coming clean with everyone and resigning. I am just not brave like you are… There’s a lot of things that I’m not, Jayce.”

He stopped before he choked on his own tears. There it was the humiliation of showing himself bare, naked. He had never done that, he had never felt so afraid, so insecure.

Jayce sat beside him, while he stared above him. He didn’t dare to look at his face and see his reaction.

“I want to tell you something, too. Are you listening?” he said, repeating.

“I am.”

“It’s not apparent. No. Listen, it’s your turn to listen,” he turned his words on him, keeping him quiet. “I dream of you, Viktor. In my dreams you are willing, you smile at me, you cross your fingers with mine. You…” he laughed “you speak Spanish.

He got close.

“That’s why I look for you when I sleepwalk.” Jayce kneeled before him, his hands firm on his thighs. Viktor straightened up his head, some of the pooling tears getting away. Jayce rested his head on his lap. “I wanted to come in your room, that night,” he whispers, “I always want to.”