Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cesar hears it. He hears it all. The voices of two young adults. He hears Adam’s disdain. Jonah’s inability to take anything seriously. They bicker like any two friends close in age. But it’s strange. Only one of them is a human. It seems Adam doesn’t know what he is. 

It’s not hard to live in the shadows. To hide away for a long time especially with what happened last time he strayed outside. Cesar was ready to never come out again. To stay alone for the rest of time. However a strange duo decided to break into the house of the person Cesar stole the identity of. Do they not know why no one has come here in so long? Do they have a death wish? Cesar knows he has not been the only one residing in this house for the past while. 

Adam keeps coming into the house. It’s not hard to track his movements. The guy moves around like he isn’t surrounded by death traps. Well, he’ll probably be safe but who knows how the others will treat him with how little he knows. The smart one is Jonah who is refusing to even step foot in the building. But even then it seems his time is running out if the two of them continue to go forward like this. 

The basement seems to be abuzz as well. Something is happening. It doesn’t take long for Cesar to figure it out. Adam and Jonah were lured here. 

The TV on the ground flickers faintly from time to time. It seems he’s here as well. Cesar thinks as he hears Adam try to open the door to the basement and fail.

He shouldn’t care. He doesn’t know these people. He shouldn’t care about what the others do to humans or in this case, other alternates. It really is a weird situation isn’t it? Cesar can’t help but take an interest.

-

Alternates have always been great with stealth. Although second to their ability of driving a human mad, it's one of their prime abilities. Cesar is skilled at staying hidden near humans. So he can learn their schedules, follow them wherever they go and strike them at their most vulnerable. An instinct buried so deep inside him it’s second nature. However he’s also good at hiding from other alternates. That’s how he’s gone under the radar even though he’s in a house that’s teeming with others just like him. 

He doesn’t really want to be here. But he didn’t know where to go. After that day in 1992, he ran. He ran and his feet took him to the only other place he knew. Inside Cesar’s house, he hid. Inside the shadows, inside the darkness, he cried. He cried for a human. A human boy he killed, who he was supposed to kill. 

As he experienced tears flowing down his face for the first time, mixed with grief, devastation, regret, he realized something. This is what it is to be human.

It was the last lesson Mark taught him.

-

Darkness drips and swirls around him. It leaks from the walls, creeps around like a predator, it feels as if everything is alive in this house. It’s suffocating, loud in a way that silences, quiet in a way that deafens. And Cesar is used to it. It’s all he’s known ever since his creation. 

But Adam? Adam lived as a human. He may feel a lack of fear and an unexplainable tug towards the house but he’s never known this. What it’s like to be surrounded by the unknown. Forces beyond him. To know that his entire existence was never his own. 

The pain and desperation in Jonah’s voice oozes from the confines of the wall as the yells ricochet around the halls. He’s begging, pleading, hopelessly trying to convince Adam to go back outside. But the basement door is unlocked and the cries of a cat call up to him, coaxing this baby alternate to walk down into his awakening. 

Cesar knows what will happen next. Once their spat over the walkie talkie ends, Jonah will not come inside to force Adam outside himself. His human nature won’t let him. He will drive. Run away. But he will not leave alone. If tonight keeps going on the way it is, Jonah will not live to see the daylight. 

Cesar imagines it. The sobs of the poor human boy thinking he just left his friend to die, not knowing he is the one that has been abandoned. The car won’t get far. In the cold snowy night, Jonah will stop the car because he will know that he isn’t alone. He will try to fight it, he will try to live. But is one boy against beings so beyond him? 

Cesar imagines blood. The bright yet deep red quickly cooling on top of grey, dirtied snow. The car’s engine still on, the slight rumble filling the otherwise quiet night air with no one around to hear it. The moon shines down on the bloody display, illuminating the otherwise dark environment. Sprawled on the hard ground, splattered bits of his head on the hardwood floor, gun inches from his limp hand-

Cesar jerks as he hears Adam raise his voice for the first time. He had gotten upset at Jonah earlier, but not to this degree. Cesar shakes his head. He’d probably try to bash it open if it didn’t expose his location. It seems like Adam and Jonah’s fight is over. The TV on the ground glows bright. Then the slow tentative footsteps of Adam descending the stairs begin. 

It’s a strange feeling. To have been alone for so long to the point of dissociation but suddenly there is someone else here. It shouldn’t bother Cesar, at least not this much. But for some reason, something is pulling him towards Adam. It’s the way he talks, the way he comes from the outside, the way he doesn’t know himself. To struggle with your own identity… Something seems to fall in place in Cesar’s head. He runs. 

Out from the shadows, from the comfort of invisibility. For the first time in a while, he makes himself known. 

Cesar stops right in front of the TV, obscuring most of the glow with his own shadow. He turns and sees Adam standing on the very last step of the staircase. They make eye contact.

It’s as if everything around them holds their breath. Adam drops his walkie talkie and it clatters onto the basement floor. Neither of them flinch at the loud noise. Cesar now knows he’s right.

You’re just like me. 

The thought infiltrates Cesar’s head as if it isn’t his own. He thinks–no, knows–that Adam feels it too. That when they look into each other’s eyes, it’s like looking into a mirror. 

Yet Cesar needs to break whatever spell they’re under. They don’t have a lot of time.

“Are you sure?” Cesar asks almost silently. He hasn’t used this voice in a while and it still sounds exactly as he remembers it. Adam doesn’t respond but he shifts, albeit slightly. Cesar eyes the staircase. He knows that Adam must not take that last step or else everything would fall apart. 

“His blood will be on your hands,” Cesar continues with the same quietness. It doesn’t matter though, Adam seems to be clinging onto every word coming out of Cesar’s mouth. “But you already know that don’t you?”

They stare at each other in silence for a few more moments but Cesar sees the cogs turning behind Adam’s eyes. He really hopes that he can get through to him.

“If you run, you’ll catch him,” Cesar speaks up again. “He’s hesitating. He doesn’t want to leave you behind but any longer and he’ll be gone.”

Adam's expression breaks. He looks conflicted, like he finally snapped out of something. His fingers flex like he wants to ball them into fists but ultimately doesn’t do that. Then he opens his mouth and for a brief moment, Cesar braces himself for Adam to speak, to listen to him as he did for Cesar. 

But Adam closes his mouth again and this time, does ball his hands into fists. He looks at Cesar with an unreadable but definitely negative expression and turns around and runs up the stairs as fast as possible.

Cesar watches him disappear behind the wall and only relaxes when he hears the front door open and slam shut. He sighs.

Now he can stop ignoring the glow of the TV behind him that started burning brighter the moment he stood between it and Adam. He turns around and static fills the air. The glow is so intense it lights up the entire basement as if burning in rage. Cesar stares down at it calmly. There are words on the screen.

finally decided to show yourself?

The screen glitches and contorts, deforming the words and readjusting into new ones.

the dead boy’s fool

Cesar continues to stare at it. Unlike with Adam, this feels more like a standoff. Crackling of electricity and static sounds around them. The other’s seem to be chastising him too. He only now realizes how important tonight was supposed to be. They must have prepared for this for so long. And he ruined it. 

Cesar wants to laugh. It doesn’t matter that he holds it in. The others feel his amusement. Hostility surrounds him like it’s trying to suffocate him, shoot him down and snuff him out entirely. But he isn’t worried. What can kill an alternate anyway? He’s never been successful in finding out. 

All at once, the static and hostility seep into nothingness. The house that used to be brimming with activity now feels dead and empty. Only the light from the TV remains but even that is getting dimmer by the second. Two new words are displayed on the screen.

bad decision

Cesar watches as the screen slowly fades to black, taking the words with it. Now, standing in the darkness, he is the only one left in the house. 

Chapter Text

It's not often that Jonah is the one driving. Adam didn't trust him behind the wheel after that one time he drove while intoxicated and didn't tell anyone. But tonight Jonah is driving them back home from Mandela. And for once, it's quiet. 

Adam closes his eyes and focuses on the steady rumbling engine of the car. It grounds him to know he's still here and not in that house. He didn't realize he felt suffocated until he went out the front door. It was like taking a breath of air after being underwater for a long time. But not only that, it’s what happened inside that house that is gnawing at him. 

The basement. It was the most interesting thing about that house. It called to him, beckoned even, he felt like the answers he was looking for his entire life were right at his finger tips. Yet he never even touched the basement floor. Because down there, he found what was unmistakably an alternate waiting for him. 

But it was different. When he locked eyes with this alternate, it felt electric. Like lightning through his veins. Yet it was more paralyzing than anything. The moment he met its eyes he felt a thought pierce through him.

You're just like me.

For a brief moment, Adam felt relief. Which was immediately replaced with confusion. Why? Why did he feel that? What even was that? How can they be similar? He's not an alternate… is he?

Something shifts within him at the last thought. Like hundreds hands grabbing and trying to claw their way out of him. Pushing their way to the surface and shoving him downwards. For some reason, he's reminded of the first endeavor he went on with Sarah when their organization was still a club. The hands in the doorways peek around the corners but this time, they surge forward and latch onto him, pulling him towards an unknown place where it feels like he can't breathe. It's dark, he can't see, he's drowning, he can't do anything. It feels like-

“So,” Jonah says, “We're not gonna talk about that? Like we-we-I-well… we just aren't?”

Adam’s eyes snap open. It takes everything in him to not gasp out for air. He looks towards Jonah who's still looking forward to the road. He's sweating though, and gripping the steering wheel like he'll get blown away if he lets go. 

Jonah is still scared. When Adam had flown out the front door, Jonah already had the engine of the car going. However at the sound of him bursting through the door, Jonah whipped around to look at him. He scrambled out of the car, a desperate but almost disbelieving look on his face and said…nothing. The two of them had stared at each other for a few moments before Jonah finally muttered out something about getting in the car. That was the start of their silent ride home. 

There was no taunting, no “I told you so”s, nothing. Jonah had stayed quiet but undoubtedly kept stealing quick glances at Adam. His usual infuriating bubbly personality that managed to bulldoze through anything for the past two years finally melted away tonight. For some reason, this pisses Adam off even more than if Jonah had made fun of him.

“How the hell do we talk about that?” Adam spits out. “I don’t know what the fuck happened.”

“You… forgot what happened?”

“No, that’s not what I m-” Adam makes a sort of frustrated gesture with his hands. “Like I don’t understand anything that happened.”

“Well you can start by telling me what happened.” 

Adam wants to pull his hair out. If he could sort his thoughts he would have done so the moment he walked out that God forsaken house. But the moment he thinks back to what just happened, he only sees that boy–no, alternate–that he was met with in the basement. Should he really tell Jonah that?

“I don't want to talk about it.”

Jonah’s right eyebrow twitches slightly. It's clear he's losing patience. Adam can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction. It's about time he feels as annoyed as Adam usually does. 

“Do you really expect me to just continue with our little ghost hunting expeditions after this? To pretend that you didn't almost die tonight?” 

Adam almost tells Jonah that he's the one that almost died tonight but he bites his tongue. 

“Can't you let it go just one more time?” Adam mutters. 

Jonah does something funny with his hands, like he wants to pull over but ultimately doesn't. “Adam, what is wrong with you? Shouldn't you understand how insane this was more than me?” 

Adam scoffs. “And why's that? You gonna bring up my dead mother again?” 

At that, Jonah closes his mouth but purses his lips like he wants to keep talking. It’s silent again but this time there’s a tense discomfort in the air. Adam thinks that it’s going to be quiet for a while again but Jonah speaks up again pretty quickly.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” Jonah says quietly, “I shouldn’t have gone that far.” 

Adam blinks. The car rumbles on and Jonah doesn’t say anything more. Adam feels like he should respond but the longer the silence stretches on, the less he feels like he should open his mouth. But shouldn’t he forgive Jonah for this? It is his first outburst in the two years they’ve known each other. 

“I have to go back,” Adam says instead and it surprises even himself. 

The car screeches to a halt which makes them both lurch forward. Jonah turns towards Adam and for a moment, he thinks he's going to get kicked out but Jonah just sighs. 

“Listen, unless you want me to crash the car, let's talk about everything now and I'll keep driving later.” 

“Then I'll drive,” Adam says but he doesn't sound as assertive as he wishes he does. 

Jonah makes a helpless face. “Adam.”

Adam doesn't say anything but he doesn't make any move to defy Jonah either. 

“You don't have to come back with me. It's safer if you don't anyway.” It would have sounded caring if Adam’s voice wasn't monotonous. Like he was stating a fact and not speaking in Jonah’s best interest.

Jonah just stares at him incredulously. “Why?”

“That house is dangerous, it's safer for you to stay in Bythorne-”

“No, Adam,” Jonah says, so exasperated it almost sounds like he's yelling, “Why do you want to come back? Why?”

Adam closes his eyes again but out of frustration this time. “Because I was so fucking close, Jonah. The answers I'm looking for were right there. I need to go back so I can talk to him.” 

“Him?” Jonah looks a few seconds away from pulling his hair out. “And what answers?”

Adam finally looks Jonah square in the eye. 

“I think you know exactly what answers,” he says. “And why don’t you come back with me next time then? Maybe you’ll meet him.”

“I don’t get it man, this is supposed to be a ghost hunting activity, not an alternate seeking-”

“That’s exactly what it is,” Adam says quietly, “And if you don’t believe me, ask Sarah.”

This makes Jonah still for a moment. “Sarah?” 

It’s quiet for a few moments as Adam watches Jonah connect the dots in his head. They really don’t know much about her. Barely anything of her family or her life before the Bythorne Paranormal Society. All she has ever told them is that she doesn’t have any siblings and that she cut off her parents long ago. And that there was an incident with an alternate affecting someone close to her when she was very young. 

She said in order to get over her fear, she wants to try to use exposure therapy with something similar to alternates which would be ghosts. Whether or not ghosts were real, actually trying to find alternates would be too dangerous. An elaborate lie Adam helped her create when Jonah first joined the BPS in order not to scare him off. No point in keeping it now that they have a strong lead.

“Has this always been the goal? For both of you?” Jonah asks weakly, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did both of you lie to me?” 

Adam looks away. “Did you really think I was pretending to hate you for the past two years? This was never for fun.”

He doesn’t need to see Jonah to know that he’s finally hurt him. The silence between them speaks volumes. The outrage and exasperation that was emanating from Jonah moments ago tapers off into nothing. The rumble of the engine is the only noise between them once again.

Jonah turns back to the wheel. “Alright, thanks for finally communicating with me.” 

As the car starts moving again, Adam thinks that Jonah’s voice doesn’t sound like him anymore.

-

“You got the footage, right?” Jonah asks, “Can I see it?” 

“I can send it to you if you want,” Adam says. 

It’s been tense ever since they got back home to whatever shitty place they currently decide to hide in. It seems like Jonah lost his appetite since he isn’t eating the pizza he wanted to so badly earlier.

Adam has been going through the footage and Jonah has just been standing around. Even under these weird circumstances, Jonah really isn’t trying to stay far away from Adam although he isn’t sticking as close as he usually is. 

“Maybe I should leave BPS,” Jonah says.

Adam freezes. Whatever the hell they just went through, he didn’t expect such a reaction from Jonah. “Where would you go?”

“I don’t know, maybe away from these cursed counties. But why do you care about that?” 

“Sarah will force me to find someone else if you leave.” 

Jonah scoffs. “Right.” 

Adam goes back to reviewing footage. Jonah stays silent. But not for long.

“When are you going back?”

Adam doesn’t pause this time but thinks about it. He hadn’t really thought that far. “Maybe tomorrow after I send this footage.”

“Why are you reviewing it so hard anyways? You never looked through footage bef…” Jonah trails off as he seems to find the obvious answer in his head.

“I just need to rewatch what I saw. I need to make sense of it. I hope I got all of it,” Adam mutters.

Jonah looks at Adam with calculative eyes. “I’ll go with you.”

Adam turns to look at him. He’s leaning on the kitchen counter with a cup of water while Adam has been in the living room. “Really? Back to Mandela? I thought you were leaving.”

“I didn’t say I was, I said maybe I was. But really, I have nothing else to live for. Neither of us do.” Jonah shuffles a bit, restlessly. “And it seems like I'm finally actually getting to know you.”

There’s nothing Adam can say to refute both of those statements. “Fine. Then be prepared to wake up early tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Of course, Jonah does not wake up early the next day. However Adam takes this as an opportunity to skim over the footage one last time before kicking him awake. Thankfully, everything is still in place. The footage is still the same as last night and… Adam isn’t crazy. He finally sends it off to Sarah with probably the driest text he's ever typed.

Adam walks towards the bed Jonah’s on and shoves him awake with his foot.

“Wh-what? What the h-” 

“Get up,” Adam says, “You have five minutes before I leave without you.”

-

Jonah ends up lying down on the backseats to sleep through the car ride. It’s fine by Adam since he won’t have to deal with Jonah’s nonstop chatter. 

Today, they don’t bring any equipment. No cameras. No EMFs. No walkie talkies. Just themselves. Adam wanted to at least bring a camera at first but decided against it. For some reason, he feels like it wouldn’t be hard to find the alternate again. 

Adam hadn’t realized how long the car ride was the first time they went to Mandela. Without Jonah talking his ear off, the endless droning of the road whizzing by is actually kind of boring. At least it's peaceful.

After a few hours, they finally arrived at the house. Jonah wakes up without Adam needing to kick him again.

“We’re here aren’t we?” Jonah asks, groggy but guarded. 

“Yes,” Adam says, a bit surprised, “We are.”

Adam gives Jonah five seconds to recover before stepping out of the car. 

“Wait-” Jonah scrambles after him.

Pausing, Adam looks back to Jonah. “Are you coming in this time?” he asks sarcastically.

“Why does it feel better than last time? Is it because it’s daytime?” Jonah seems to say to himself mostly as he stares at the house.

Adam blinks. “We were here during the daytime last time as well.”

Jonah scratches his head with an indecisive look on his face. “I think I’ll stay outside again but…”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you coward,” Adam says as turns back towards the house.

He hears Jonah sputter behind him as he walks to the front door. Adam doesn’t want to admit it but he really does understand what Jonah means. This house feels almost normal now, a little less…alive. However, as Adam puts his hand on the door handle, he feels that tug again. It feels gentler but he for sure knows that something is still inside. He pushes the door open. 

Little bits of sun spill into the house from the windows. There’s a layer of dust covering everything that Adam didn’t mess with yesterday. Being so focused on ghost hunting, Adam had forgotten that this house used to be lived in. Maybe well taken care of by a family with a little cat running around. The furniture is untouched and the walls have paintings hanging around, every single one probably holding a story. 

Just what happened here to have things turn out this way? 

Adam walks through the whole house again but this time, actually taking everything in. Through the living room, the weirdly long hallways, the kitchen, the rooms upstairs. He skips the basement. 

However it’s not without the feeling of being watched. It doesn’t put him on edge as much as it slightly annoys him. When he is done exploring every nook and cranny of the house, he walks back into the living room. He speaks out as he’s looking at the paintings.

“I know you’re here. Can you come out already?”

“I didn’t want to scare you.”

Adam whips around to once again, come face to face with that strange alternate in a tuxedo he met back in the basement. The tug is back, pulling him towards this strange being standing in front of him. Once again, Adam loses his voice. 

Thankfully, the alternate is patient. He stares curiously at Adam as he tries to find his voice again. It’s like a repeat of the basement but with lower stakes. Now they have all the time in the world. 

“I'm not a wild animal, you know,” Adam finally mutters. Deflective and defensive as always.

He's only met with a snort. Adam blinks, slightly offended.

“You might as well be one to me.”

Adam stares at this alternate with a sort of scrutiny he usually gives Jonah when he's lying about not eating all the chips. 

“You’re so human,” he says.

The alternate smiles. Though it’s filled with everything but happiness. “So are you.”

Adam doesn’t respond. Why…wouldn’t he be?

“My name is Cesar,” the alternate says.

“I’m Adam,” Adam says. He has a feeling Cesar already knows that though and on top of that, he didn’t expect an alternate to have a name. Maybe he took it from the human he stole the appearance of. Adam freezes. 

Yes, this is an alternate, of course it has a history of bloodshed, of stealing the face of a human who it probably killed. For some reason, that realization doesn’t scare Adam as much as he wants it to. So he holds that thought.

“I…” Now that Adam is actually here, the answers that he wants to ask for suddenly don't come to mind. What does he want now that he has the ability to ask for it?

“Let's sit down,” Cesar suggests as he plops down onto the couch behind him. 

Hesitantly, Adam follows suit onto the couch perpendicular. As he sits down, he sags into the fabric. It's old and worn but Adam hadn't realized how tired he was until he actually rested. He hasn't even done any strenuous activity. However a fog also clears from his mind. He looks at Cesar as if he's seeing him for the first time again.

“Do you know anything about my mother?” Adam blurts.

Cesar blinks. “Straight to the point huh,” he says with a tired smile. “I guess there is no best order of things to talk about anyway.” Then his expression changes.

“Your mother is dead. What your friend out there said to you was correct. I don't know what you've been up to for the past few years but you didn't find anything and you never will.” 

Adam is a bit irked at Cesar bringing up his spat with Jonah and his tone but lets it go. He cares more about the other things. 

“I see.” It's not something that really surprises him so there isn't a very big reaction from him. His endeavors that Jonah embarked with him on to find his mother were fruitless from the beginning. And he knew that but it didn't hurt to hold on to a tiny bit of hope, right? He sighs. 

“Why,” Adam slowly begins again, “Am I here?” 

Cesar looks at Adam calculatively then leans back into the couch and crosses his arms as he puts one leg on top of the other. He looks up at the ceiling with his eyebrows furrowed like something is annoying him. Something about this unnerves Adam. He hadn’t really realized how stiff Cesar was before. He was sitting straight up with his arms by his side and almost motionless. It’s alternate behaviour if Adam were to imagine how alternates behave and he didn’t take note of it because alternates aren’t supposed to act human… right? But the pose Cesar just changed into felt so filled with personality and effortlessly human it’s hard to imagine he isn’t one. 

“I think I gave you enough clues, Adam,” Cesar says, “Why do you think you’re here?”

Adam closes his eyes. He had been trying to put it off, to not think about it at all. But there really is no way to deny it any longer. Still, he holds on just a little bit longer.

“How can you know?” Adam asks quietly.

“The same way you knew I was in the house the moment you put your hand on that door,” Cesar responds. Then tentatively looks at the basement door. “And how you knew not to go back down there.” 

Adam covers his face with his hands and leans forward until his elbows rest on his thighs. “Just tell it to me straight. I won’t believe it until you say it.”

There’s a pause. Cesar doesn’t say anything and Adam refuses to look at him. He feels like looking at anything would send him over the edge. He just needs to hear it. 

“You’re an alternate.” 

The silence feels more deadly now than before those words were spoken. It’s something they’ve both known the moment Adam stepped foot in the house for the first time. Yet now that the confirmation is here, Adam needs a bit to just process it.

For as long as he could remember, Adam always just felt different. When he was younger, there were hushed whispers, adults with pity in their eyes, sometimes name calling and he never understood how or why he was getting those labels. 

Weird. Creepy. Psychopath.

Wasn’t “being true to yourself” praised? Why was it weird that he exhibited fewer emotions than others? He didn’t want to lie about being happy or sad when he just couldn’t feel those things. The adults around him always discussed things about test results and wouldn’t tell him anything when he asked. 

So he decided to start faking. And it worked. Maybe some didn’t believe him but they didn’t do anything about it and let it go. It didn’t seem like Adam was a bad actor. No one has questioned him since. To be honest, it felt nice. Being surrounded by people who laughed with him and having their support when they thought he needed it. To be wanted. It felt nice. So maybe he started to be genuine at some point as well. He grew up. Lived a normal life. No hiccups, no more worried glances and pitying whispers. He liked the people he surrounded himself with.

Yet the resentment grew. This masking and deception. Would they still like him if he let this perfect facade he nurtured for his entire life slip? It gnawed at him. Even through the beginning and ending of some friendships. Even through his interactions with people he barely knew. Even when he met Evelin. 

It all came to a head when he heard of the Bythorne Paranormal Club. Sarah, the founder. He thought she was just like him. They were both looking for something beyond them. Maybe she was just as crazy as him. But when he decided to let his mask slip a little, she reacted negatively and he closed off immediately. But she stayed with him. Albeit at a distance but she stayed. So he decided to stay as well. 

But that’s when it all started to fall apart. It seemed he couldn’t keep in the years of built up resentment and he changed. People slowly started distancing themselves. Even Evelin left, though she seemed to regret it, at least the way she did it. 

But it doesn’t matter now. No matter how fucked up it is, no matter how much he tells himself he should be devastated, he isn’t. Because now he has a reason. It wasn’t his fault. It never was. Adam’s arms start to shake. He hears Cesar get up from the couch and walk somewhere. 

Adam presses his hands so hard into his face he can see stars yet he needs this sensation to ground himself. Nowadays he always feels like he’s one bad episode away from losing himself. In the car with Jonah, at night when he can’t sleep so he stares into the pitch black of the ceiling. They’re all moments he could feel he could fall into a daze he won’t recover from so he does whatever he can with his hands to ground himself because if no else is there to pull him out from the depths of his mind, he’ll do it himself.

A gentle thud on the table in front of Adam makes him reflexively raise his head. He blinks from the light for a bit before he sees a glass of water in front of him. Cesar has returned and is standing beside the table. Adam hadn’t even heard him come back. 

“M…” Cesar immediately cuts himself off as he starts to speak and stares blankly at the wall in front of him for a few seconds before continuing like nothing happened. “I’ve seen humans drink water when they’re stressed.”

“I’m… not a human,” Adam quietly refutes. 

“You’ve lived as one.” Cesar nudges the glass closer to him.

Adam sighs and takes the water. He can’t lie that the cold water travelling down his throat doesn’t soothe him. He drinks it all in one go. Cesar sits back down as Adam puts the now empty glass back on the table. 

“Do I even need food? Or water?” Adam asks.

“Probably… not?” Cesar says uncertainly, “I don't need to, but you…” he trails off as he looks at Adam. “No you probably don't.” 

Adam doesn't pry at his vague answer because that's probably another can of worms to open and he doesn't want to have too many bombshells dropped on him at once. So he lets the silence drift in once more.

Now that they’ve talked about every elephant in the room, what can they say now? Neither of them seem too bothered by the silence. Adam observes Cesar who doesn’t seem to care since he’s looking into the distance elsewhere.

He’s leaning back on the couch again but without his crossed arms and legs. He seems relaxed. Adam is suddenly conscious about how he’s sitting. He’s still slightly hunched forward from ruminating earlier. He tries to relax as well, straightening his back and… what is he supposed to do with his hands? He tries not to copy what Cesar’s doing. 

Adam pauses. When did it get so hard to act ‘human’? Wasn’t he doing that his entire life? Something unsettling washes over him. An uncomfortable feeling that seems to crawl its way into him. He thinks it’s fear. Adam doesn’t want to lose this.

“Cesar,” he says.

Cesar turns to look at Adam with a slightly surprised expression but he ignores it in favour of bracing himself for what he’s about to do next.

“Can you help me?” he asks. Asking for help. It’s not something Adam remembers ever doing. He always tried to do everything himself, even trying to argue with Sarah about how he didn’t need a partner for alternate hunting but she’s just as stubborn as him. Maybe even moreso.

“With what?” Cesar asks.

“Teach me how to be human.”

The silence this time has a very strange atmosphere probably because Cesar looks dumbfounded and unable to immediately string together a response. Adam can’t help but silently find amusement in finally breaking down Cesar’s composure. He’d been calm and collected the entire time until now.

“You’re asking me?” Cesar sputters, “I thought you already knew. And shouldn’t you, y’know, ask a human? It’s what I did…” His voice becomes quiet during the last sentence. That’s interesting. Adam makes a mental note to ask him about it later.

“Well there’s no point in asking a human,” Adam says quietly, “I’ve been living beside them my entire life, I know them by now but…” He looks Cesar up and down who seems uncomfortable at the attention for the first time. “You’re an alternate who knows how to be a human. That’s what I want to be.” 

It’s funny seeing Cesar throw his arms around in exasperation as he tries to argue against Adam. “But he didn’t- I didn’t-” Cesar pauses and sighs. “I don’t know how to be a human. I only ever met one. Or two I guess…” 

Adam gives him a disbelieving look. If it weren’t for his weird alternate powers or whatever he would’ve never known Cesar wasn’t a human. Hell, he confidently thinks if he throws him in front of Jonah right now the two would probably get along well. 

Wait. Jonah. 

Adam shoots up so fast Cesar nearly jumps out of his seat. 

“Can I stay here actually?” Adam asks.

“What?”

Adam walks towards the front door. He doesn’t know how much patience Jonah has but he feels like he’s been in the house too long without communication. Cesar doesn’t call after him.

Adam swings open the door to see Jonah standing right outside. Adam flinches and Jonah yells at the top of his lungs. 

“What the f-” Jonah is cut off by Adam slapping his hand over his mouth. 

“Chill, it’s me,” Adam says. He quickly takes his hand off Jonah, thankful it didn’t get licked or something. Jonah looks at him in exasperation.

“So? Did you… do whatever the hell you wanted to do?” 

Adam stares at him for a few seconds before looking back. The living room is visible from the front door but Cesar has once again hidden himself. 

“Scaredy-cat,” Adam mutters under his breath. 

“What? What are you-”

“HEY!” Adam shouts into the house which causes Jonah to jump. “I’m coming back! And next time I’m staying!”

No response. But he knows he was heard loud and clear. 

Adam turns back to Jonah who's looking at him like he’s lost his mind.

“C’mon,” Adam says as he walks past him, “Let’s go.”