Chapter 1: A Smooth Meister
Chapter Text
“Shedletsky… you can’t be serious right? You actually want to go into this fight without a plan?” Builderman questioned incredulously, giving his recently acquired meister a blank look. The man only gave him a smirk, that damned self satisfied smirk that always makes Builder want to transform his arm and hit him. To prevent the murder of his dear meister, he looked towards Shedletsky’s better (and frankly more reasonable) half. “Bright, please tell me he’s not being serious.”
Brighteyes herself could only shrug and look over to their meister. “I agree with Builder about this Shed, it would be good to have a game plan. There’s probably like 50 kishin eggs in that mansion, and this is our first official mission together.” Builder looked back over to Shedletsky and added, "That's right! I know we’ve trained together but this is my first assignment where I’m not completely acting as a lone weapon. We need to be smart about- Wait… Please tell me you guys don't just rush into battles without a plan in general.”
Shedletsky chuckled a bit as he scratched the back of his neck before responding, “What better plan is there than to slash and stab till their dead? Seems pretty simple to me, right Bright?” “I mean… I trust Sheddy and the hack and slash plan usually works!” Brighteyes says confidently with a smile. Builder could only pinch the bridge of his nose at this confession. “We’re going to lose-” “Hey now! Can’t say that just yet, we haven’t even started.” Shed interrupted his new partner as he wrapped each arm around his weapons’ shoulders.
“We’ll be fine even without a plan, I know this for a fact! With my skills, Bright’s precision, and your power, there’s no way we could lose. And besides,” He pulled both of them closer to his chest and with a sultry hint in his voice continued, “I trust both of my dear weapons with my life. So there’s no need to worry at all.”
There was only silence for a few seconds before the weapons responded, “SHEDDY, THAT IS SO SWEET” “AGH- WHA- I MEAN… You're impossible.” The demon sword had a bright (lol) smile on her face as she leaned into her meister while the demon hammer looked away, his face cherry red. “Heh, now let's go beat some evil ass.” Shed said with a satisfied smirk as both weapons transformed, Bright being held in a holster on his waist and Builder held in his right hand.
“Remember when you said ‘We’ll be fine even without a plan, I know this for a fact.’ How’d that work out for you Shedletsky?” Builder asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked at the man laying in the infirmary. Bright could only attempt to stifle her giggles with her hand as the man laid there with a miserable expression. Elliot, the nurse’s student assistant, rolled his eyes as he continued to bandage Shed’s leg.
“How was I supposed to know some of them were feral enough to start biting me, they’re kishin eggs, not piranhas!?!” Shed exclaimed, kicking out his leg and accidentally hitting Elliot. Elliot retaliated by pressing down on one of the bite marks, making the man yelp in pain. “Careful, I’d rather not put more pressure than necessary.” Elliot said with a perfect customer service voice. “Sorry sorry.” Was Shed’s only response.
“I guess we should start making game plans before hopping into fights now.” Bright said once she had been able to stop laughing. Builder was now the one who smirked at their meister, having been proven right. “That's a good plan.”
Chapter 2: Incorrect Quotes
Notes:
So its been a little since my last post... opps (・ω<)
Work and college have started back up and drop kicked me, but I do have a bunch of incorrect quotes as compensation :))) I'll drop the general ones first then post the rest of them as soon as I have them formatted nicely.
Also for context: Team F (otherwise known as The Forsaken) consists of Bright, Shed, Elliot, Chance, Guest1377, Seven, Builder. :)))
Chapter Text
Shed: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much worse.
…
-Before Guest became leader-
Shed: *Addressing team F* And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Seven: But- that’s just a trash can.
Shed: It sure is!
…
Elliot: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Chance: *chugs entire bottle*
Chance: It’s perfume.
…
Chance: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Seven: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Elliot: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
Guest1377: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
Builder: My moral code, is that you?
Chance: … I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?
…
Seven: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Guest1377: Plane tickets?
Chance: Concert tickets?
Shed: Prostitution?
Seven: *holding his broken frames* Glasses.
…
Bright: Why is Elliot so sad?
Chance: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes
Bright: And...?
Guest1377: He got Seven.
…
Elliot: We need to get through this locked door. Chance, give me your credit card.
Chance: Here.
Elliot: *Pocketing it* Thanks. Guest, kick down the door.
…
Builder: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Chance: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Elliot: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Chance, learn to listen.
Bright: What if it bites itself and I die?
Shed: That’s voodoo.
Seven: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Guest13: That’s correlation, not causation.
Chance: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Shed: That’s kinky.
Builder: Oh my God.
…
Store Worker: Would a Mr. Builder please come to the front desk?
Builder: *Arriving at the desk* Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: *Points to Shed and Bright* I believe they belong to you?
Shed and Bright: *simultaneously* We got lost :(
Builder: I didn't even bring you guys with me-
…
Builder: You’re right.
Shed: That’s… That’s an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
…
*Shed and Bright sitting in jail together*
Bright: So who do we call?
Shed: I’d call Builder, but I feel safer in jail.
…
Shed: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Elliot: You’re a hazard to society
Chance: And a coward. DO TWENTY!
…
Bright: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can’t have you ask any questions why.
Shed: Only if you also don’t ask why
Shed: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Bright: …
Shed: …
Bright: This one is fine.
…
Chance: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Builder: I’m a knife,
Shed: *Across the room* He’s the little spoon
…
Seven: It’s dark in here.
Coolkidd: Don’t worry Dad, I got this!
Coolkidd: *Stomps his feet*
Coolkidd: *Skechers light up*
…
Shed: What's a word that's a mix between ‘sad’ and ‘mad’?
Builder: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Bright: Smad.
…
Builder: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Elliot: How can you still day that?
Builder: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
…
Shed: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?
…
Shed: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Builder: Shed no-
Bright: Mistlefoe.
Builder: Please stop encouraging him.
…
Elliot: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven't decided yet’ is typically a good response.
…
Builder/Elliot: Schrodinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.
…
Elliot: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Shed: Certainly, I’m as sure as I am honest!
Builder: In that case, we’re definitely lost.
…
Chance: How petty can you get?
Seven: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
…
Guest: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Shed: That’s why I partnered with two weapons
…
Bright: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Seven: Killed without hesitation.
Guest: No.
…
Shed: So, what, now I’m supposed to do anything that Guest does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?
Elliot: If Guest were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Guest jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Shed: You jump off a cliff!
Elliot: Gladly. Provided Guest did first.
…
Chance: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Shed: Oh, you’ve been?
Chance: Once. In Monopoly.
…
Guest: So what’s for dinner?
Seven: *Stares at the food he just burnt* Regret
…
Elliot: *Holding a cauliflower in front of Guest’s face* What is this?
Guest: … A cauliflower?
Elliot: *To c00lkidd* Now tell him what you think it is.
C00lkidd: *Proudly* Ghost broccoli
…
Bright: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
Builder/Elliot: *Turns to Shed/Seven* How tall are you?
…
Seven: .. .----. – / … — .-. .-. -.-- [Translation: I’M SORRY]
Elliot: What’s that?
Seven: Remorse code.
Elliot: I’m even angrier now.
…
Shed/1x: What doesn’t kill me should run, because now I’m fucking pissed.
…
Bright: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.
…
Chance: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Seven: How am I supposed to know?
Shed: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Seven: *Sighs* You wouldn’t be trapped.
…
Bright: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! … And this knife I found.
…
Builder/Elliot: Death, give me patience.
Shed/Chance: I think you mean ‘give me strength’.
Builder/Elliot: If Death gave me strength, you’d be dead.
…
Elliot: This is a mistake.
Bright: *Enthusiastically* A mistake we’re going to laugh about one day!
Elliot: But not today.
Bright: *Still enthusiastic* Oh no. Today’s going to be a mess.
…
1x: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Noli: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?
…
Elliot: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten a felony yet.
Chance: Nat 20 charisma.
Elliot: That is NOT how that works-
…
Chance: If Shed and I were drowning, who would you save?
Elliot: You two can’t swim?
Chance: It’s a hypothetical question, Elliot! Who would you save?
Elliot: My time and effort
…
Guest: What do you think Chance will do for a distraction?
Elliot: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Elliot: … or he could do that.
…
Guest: You have to apologize to Seven.
Elliot: Fine. ‘Unfuck you’ or whatever.
…
Doom: *Walking into a room* Sorry I’m late… I was… doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Shed: *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS.
…
Shed: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
…
Chance/Bright: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them.
…
Bright: Welcome, fellow idiots.
Builder and Elliot: Hello Bright.
Bright: No, no, not you two, you’re not idiots.
Builder: You underestimate us.
…
Bright: Is something burning?
Shed: Just my love for you.
Bright: Shed, the toaster is on fire.
…
Builder: Just because I’m too short to reach the lowest shelf in the cabinet doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch out for your kneecaps.
…
Bright: Petition to remove the ‘d’ from Wednesday.
Shed: Wednesay
Bright: Not what I had in mind, but I’m flexible.
…
Shed: *Holding a python* Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him.
Builder: You did WHAT-
Bright: William Snakepeare.
…
Guest: *Driving C00lkidd and Seven* So how was your day?
C00lkidd: We almost got surprised adopted!
Guest: What?
Seven: We almost got kidnapped.
Guest: Oh, ok.
Guest: *Slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT!?
…
Shed: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.
…
Azure: To be honest, I’m kinda pissed that I’m not asleep in my bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my garden.
…
Elliot: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they’re extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them abound and smack people.
…
Bright: This is a safety pin.
*Cuts off end*
Bright: It is now a danger pin.
…
Shed: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Guest: … This just says “I can do what I want”.
…
Seven: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?
Shed: Eat a nickel.
Seven: A reminder- You have retained all your skills and memories.
Chance: Eat a nickel.
Seven: Ok…
…
Mafioso: We’re kind of missing something guys.
1x: Cohesion?
1x: Teamwork?
1x: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Noli: And Slasher is not here.
1x: Oh, and that, yeah.
…
Noli: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons?
Slasher: *signing* Um, make lemonade?
Noli: No, he squeezes them right back into life’s eyes!
Chapter Text
Before BSB team up
Builder: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I'd just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Shed: …
Shed: I’m gonna tell him.
Bright: Don’t you dare
…
Shed: *To Builder* I mean, I get complemented all the time-
Bright: *Starts cackling*
Shed: I do!
Bright: *Laughs harder*
…
Shed: Pfft, you should meet Builder, he’s such a tsundere.
Bright: He… he just bludgeoned you.
Shed: So cute.
…
Telamon: I’m going to take you out.
Bright: Great, it’s a date!
Telamon: I meant that as a threat.
Bright: See you at five!
…
Bright: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Shed: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.
…
Builder: I think I’m having a mid-life crisis
Doom: You’re like 15 years old.
Builder: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!
…
Bright: I’ve already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Builder: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
…
Shed: *In a high voice, holding Barbie* Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Bright: *In a deep voice, holding Ken* Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Builder: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Shed: Playing systematic oppression.
…
Shed: *Gets down on one knee*
Builder: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.
Shed: *Falls over*
Builder: The poison is kicking in.
After they team but before they're romantic
Builder: Let’s write Shedletsky a friendly note, shall we? Dear… incompetent… dumbass…
…
Shed: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re impressed.
Builder: But you do know better.
…
Shed & Bright: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Shed: We need an adult!
Bright: Shed, you are an adult!
Shed: We need an adultier adult! Get Builder!
…
Builder: So… who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?
Bright: We’re chopsticks!
Builder: Well… that's cute! Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Shed: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
…
Shed: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?
Builder: What’s up your ass this morning?
Bright: *walks in* …Hey.
Builder: Hmm… never mind
Shed: WAIT NO!
…
Builder: How the hell did you crash the car?!
Shed: So I was just driving today, right? And my navigation told me to go straight.
Shed: I was like “woah, that’s homophobic”. Instead, I went gay. And, THAT’S when I got into an accident.
Builder: …
Bright: *With a proud smile* And THAT’S who I’m in love with, ladies and gentlemen.
…
Builder: Come on, Bright. Nobody actually believes that Shed is in love with me
Bright: *To the team* Raise your hand if you think Shed is helplessly in love with Builder
Everyone: *Raises their hand*
Builder: Shed, put your hand down
…
Shed: I have a lie detector in my shirt.
Builder: …What? Weirdo. Take it off, then.
Bright: Why do you want him to take off his shirt?
Builder: WHAT- NO I DON’T…
Shed: Beep… beep…
…
Shed: If I say I love you, will you say it back?
Builder: Yes.
Shed: I love you
Builder: It back.
*Later*
Bright: Why is Shed crying face-down on the floor?
…
Builder: Bright and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us.
Shed: *Sighing* What did Bright do?
Builder: She chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and…
Bright: Who wants a steering wheel?
…
Builder: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Shed: You mean literally or figuratively?
Builder: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify…
…
Shed: Don’t worry, I got a plan.
Builder: Alright.
Shed: TraitorSayWhat?
1x: *Disguised* Excuse me?
Shed: What?
Builder:
Shed:
Shed: No wait-
…
Shed: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Builder: You were flirting with Bright.
Shed: So what? She’s my partner.
Builder: You asked her is she was single…
Shed:
Builder: And then you cried when she said she wasn’t.
…
Shed: How many kids do you have?
Builder: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
…
Shed: Am I in trouble?
Builder: Take a guess.
Shed: No?
Builder: Take another guess.
…
Chance: Must be hard not being able to laugh.
Builder: I do have a sense of humor you know.
Chance: I’ve never heard you laugh before.
Builder: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.
…
Mafioso: Shedletsky is renowned for being a terrifying combatant.
1x: Let him come, I’ll kill him.
Mafioso: You just can’t kill all of your problems, 1x.
1x: Bet.
…
1x: If you had to choose between Shed and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Builder: That depends, how much money are we talking about?
Shed: Builder!
1x: 63 cents.
Builder: I’ll take the money.
Shed: BUILDER!
…
Bright: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Builder’s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out…
…
Shed: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Builder: Wasn’t Bright with you?
Bright: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.
…
1x: So I have made the decision to trust you.
C00lkidd: A horrible decision, really :D
After they partner/romantic :)
Shed: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Builder: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called “Think Before You Speak”?
Bright: Ya know… it might be.
…
Shed: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Elliot: You were flirting with Builder.
Shed: So what? He’s my one of my partners.
Elliot: You asked him is he was single…
Shed:
Elliot: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.
Shed:
Builder: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
...
Shed: Hey, Joe said he’s coming over this afternoon.
Bright: Cool.
Shed: Do you know who Joe is?
Bright: JOE MAMA!
Builder: *Not even looking up from his phone* Damn, that backfired
…
Builder: Love is a weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Shed: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Bright.
Builder: *Pointing his hot glue gun towards shed* You’re on thin fucking ice.
…
Builder: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Builder: Shed is still mad about it, but me and Bright were drunk and thought it was funny.
Shed: You both got married WITHOUT ME!
…
Shed: *Bursting into the room* You two are having sex!
Builder: *Not looking up from his book* Really? Bright, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.
…
Builder: Shed annoyed me today so I told him that I can't wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.
Bright: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Builder: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.
…
Builder: You need a hobby.
Shed: I have a hobby!
Builder: Fawning over Bright and I isn’t a hobby.
…
Builder: My partners and I are having a baby.
Taph: *Signing* That's gre-
Builder: *Slamming adoption papers on the table* It's you, sign here.
…
Bright: My partners and I are having a baby.
1x: Why are you telling-
Bright: *Slamming adoption papers on the table* It's you, sign here.
…
Builder: You’re the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Bright: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Builder: Absolutely not
…
Bright: Ok, truth or dare?
Builder: Truth.
Bright: How many hours have you slept this week?
Builder:
Builder: …Dare
Shed: Go to bed.
Builder: I don’t like this game.
…
Shed: I’m 10 times funnier and sexier than you.
Builder: 10 times 0 is still 0 though.
Shed: Jokes on you, I can’t do math.
…
Builder: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.
Bright: I’m “a couple of things”.
Shed: I’m “got distracted”.
Notes:
I've got the next oneshot in the works right now. and its actually based off 2 of the incorrect quotes in this chapter ;) Which ones? You'll just have to find out when i post :P