Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leaves rustle as the wind guides the waves in a direction. Waves calming down upon reaching the shore while the vast sky is filled with a soft orange color. The dry sand gets wet together with the bare feet walking on it.

The hem of his white pants starts weighing him down as he walks aimlessly while carrying his shoes. Closing his eyes slowly feeling the wind that touches his skin, the wind comforted him like a lullaby sung to lull him to sleep.

Serenity was broken when he felt a raindrop falling on his cheeks. He hesitated to open his eyes but he eventually did, the moment he did the world spin around him. The sea roared with aggressive waves crashing towards him, the sky was painted gray -an indication of a storm coming.

Clasping his chest, grasping air and knees losing the strength to make him stand. A cry louder than a whale competed to be heard amidst the warning signs of an incoming storm.

It wasn't a raindrop.

In a land where you couldn't figure out where the end nor the beginning is a place of doom. No one would want to be stuck on an island even if it is beautiful when scary stories surround it.

As the man continued to cry, not even feeling the pain on his bruised knees due to the sand, another figure was seen running towards where he was.

A long distance was passing as he ran nonstop. He regulates his breathing as he approaches the man who had been crying. He reached out his hand as he softly called his name.

“Asahi.”

Asahi's name was repeatedly called but as soon as he lifted his head to see the person standing in front of him, his vision blurred out. Letting the person fade out.

Asahi gently opened his eyes only to be greeted by the darkness of his room and the buzzing of his alarm. He shifted his weight on his left while wiping the tears from the same dream he had for a week now.

He must be feeling unwell. It must be stress due to work. It could be from overthinking about how to do better in front of his superiors. He reached out the button to turn off his alarm before getting up from his bed.

He pulled the curtains as he prepared to get to work while the city was asleep yet. Some of his days start as the dawn cracks on the sky, going home when stars fill the sky and sometimes his day starts when the scorching of the sun can be felt.

Asahi learns to forget what day is Monday and instead learns about the day off. It was a cycle. A boring part of life, working to justify he is an adult now. A proof that he can now support himself and can do it all by himself.

A trip to Italy after graduation? What a joke. Asahi felt he needed to rush things so he set aside those plans. Wearing a simple printed t-shirt with a hoody and denim pants is his ideal outfit because wearing all those fun and stylish clothes will be tossed aside the moment he arrives at work.

Asahi looked at himself in the mirror, fixing the wrinkled part of his scrubs before wearing his coat.

“Asahi! Good morning!” Asahi looked at the door.

“What a high energy Kanemoto?” He teased him.

Yoshi Kanemoto, Asahi likes to call him Kanemoto. Well, he doesn't call his peers by their first name even if they have gotten close. He had this principle to not go beyond any lines, to not get closer nor overshare about himself.

Trusting and being too comfortable is risky. The real world is a scary place to live in.

“Of course, my vacation leave got approved.” Yoshi excitedly said.

“Don’t you want to apply?” Yoshi glanced at Asahi while he placed his bag in the locker.

“Someone needs to hold fort.” Asahi stated while placing his ID.

Among his peers Asahi comes off as someone hard to get along with. His walls are high and he doesn't know how to keep a conversation going. They find him intimidating because he does good in every aspect.

Those descriptions engraved in his image, Yoshi doesn't care. He finds him interesting and genuinely wants to be friends with him. He found his brother in another human. Asahi reminds him too much of his brother, maybe that’s the reason he was drawn to him.

“Don’t worry, we're still going this weekend.” Yoshi said then motioned Asahi to go out with him.

Every day comes with sweat dripping and uncontrolled trembles. A pressure to keep preserving life, to delay a moment of parting, and to push back tears. Would it be right for a doctor to be nervous everyday? He thought he'll get used to it.

“Are you still in ER punishment?” Yoshi asked as they walked on the white stained hallway.

Asahi nodded as a response before parting with Yoshi at the elevator. One thing Asahi always reminds himself is to not coddle the disappointment for too long. He likes his mind to be present at all costs because there is no room for mistakes in this cra- calm…

Calm?

He looked around the emergency room and gave the nurse at the station a knowing look. Curtains drawn, bed neat and tidy, Doctor Takashi sipping a fresh hot coffee. Asahi felt his heart thumping steadily in an increasing beat.

Heads all turning in the same direction upon hearing the urgency tone, pulling back all the people in the room of the role they partake in.

Asahi quickly followed Doctor Takashi as the paramedics brief them of the patient's condition.

Asahi can hear his mind whirring as he takes in the information when he hears a creaking sound. A loud cry of yearning, a man with tears streaming down his face as he tries his best to collect himself.

The creaking sound went louder and faster as Asahi was unable to move from where he was.

“It’s a hit and run case.”

“He was crossing the road after saying his goodbye to his friend.”

The creaking sound went to an abrupt stop, making Asahi lose his presence in the room. Eyes boring inside the soul of the friend who is in pain.

Everyone rushes around while he becomes paralyzed in his place. The sound of the ambulance echoing in his ears, the red lights surrounding him as it takes him back to a past he once let go.

“Doctor Hamada?”

“Hamada!”

“Asahi!”

The voices desperately calling for Asahi were clear and urgent but they were muffled as they reached Asahi's ears. Feeling the world start turning the other way.

“Let’s switch” Were the words he uttered.

“Good” Doctor Takashi gave the nurse a worried look while switching places with Asahi.

The machine was in a stagnant flat tone. Doctor Takashi can see the seed of sweat on Asahi's forehead. A panicked and lost child was all he could see in front of him, trying to resuscitate the patient laying on the bed.

“How long is it?” Doctor Takashi asked while looking at his watch.

He could no longer watch both of them suffer and so he called out Asahi hurriedly.

“Doctor Hamada, I think…” He started cautiously.

“No, we are not giving up on this patient.” Asahi firmly said.

“Doctor Hamada.” Doctor Takashi called out sternly.

The two interns glanced at each other and the nurse quickly pulled the curtain to keep the scene private.

“He… he can't…”

Asahi tried to collect himself, keeping all the emotions tucked in.

“He wouldn't…”

Asahi helplessly moves away from the bed then turns to his senior.

“Doctor Hamada!”

As soon as Doctor Takashi met Asahi's eyes, Asahi bursted out crying. He wasn't able to hold his emotions and Doctor Takashi was taken aback because it was the first time he saw him in that state. He was ready to scold him.

He knew it wasn't the first time he encountered such a situation. Asahi had always been calm and poise, he admired his coolness on how he handled things so seeing him in a terrible state makes him worry.

All eyes followed Asahi when he was pulled out as Doctor Takashi closed the curtains. Asahi's vision was cloudy, he still felt like he was in the middle of a fogged forest.

“Asahi?” Asahi exhaled before looking at the person who called him.

“Are you okay?” Asahi didn't know when he took a seat on the bench of the hospital's garden.

“Does it still happen?” Asahi clenched his hands while looking at the ground.

He chased after this dream and he is right here living it. Asahi knows it's still a long journey but he fought hard for this, there is no room to give up. He got bruises and scars fighting through it and suddenly it hits him that maybe he is fighting for something he shouldn't?

Asahi continued to stare at his shoes. They are light and comfortable to run with. He wants to run away, maybe the reason he is struggling constantly is because he isn't supposed to be here. Maybe that’s why he is hurting, he will aimlessly walk and his life will be messed up. He doesn't know what to choose. It's too late to give up.

“Right. I still feel suffocated and I can still hear the ringing in my ear whenever the siren goes off.” Asahi chuckled at the person who is now sitting beside him.

“I thought it had gotten better.” Asahi chuckled lightly.

“What’s a first year cardiology resident doing in emergency medicine?” The person beside him teasingly asked.

“Why? Are you afraid I'll take away your popularity, Watanabe?” Asahi teased back.

“Ah whatever.” Haruto scoffed, stretching his legs while looking over the door of the hospital.

Haruto thinks hard for words to cheer up his friend. He was the first one to discover Asahi's fears and Asahi keeps finding himself losing the facade he puts up when he is with Haruto. He kinda trusts him but Asahi doesn't want to admit that.

Asahi's phone rings as Yoshi's urgent message interrupts the comforting atmosphere around them.

“Oh, I think I need to go. Kanemoto is looking for me.” Asahi stood up.

“Asahi! Make sure you'll come this weekend!” Haruto yelled hoping Asahi would be able to hear him as he ran towards the door.

“Finally you're here!” Yoshi exclaimed.

“I really need to go!” He urgently gave Asahi the chart he was holding.

Yoshi exhaled while rubbing his stomach and Asahi looked at him with disbelief.

“That’s your emergency?” Asahi asked.

“Room 211 need to get this IV.” He moved the tray near Asahi.

“You can do this later after you took out all that.” Asahi said.

He doesn't see how this situation is an emergency. Hooking the patient with the IV can be done later after Yoshi takes care of his stomach emergency. At least that's what he thinks.

“Professor Honda will be here any minute and he said to make sure the patient gets it before he comes.”

Yoshi talks with speed looking like a rapper. Now, Asahi have no choice to accept the favor he is asking. They only have each other's back and getting scolded less is one thing that can ease the pressure they are carrying.

“Thank you Asahi and sorry.” Yoshi held onto Asahi’s hand tight before leaving in a hurry.

Asahi lowers his head as Professor Honda scolds him inside an empty room. Almost hooking the IV with the patient who doesn't need it is a sin. No one told him that the patient supposed to be in room 211 changed his room, must have happened while Yoshi was dealing with his stomachache.

While the Professor scolds him, he is also scolding himself. It angers him that he didn't even check the identifiers. It's his fault for taking a role while he hasn't recovered from the scene at the ER.

There's nothing Asahi can do but to apologize to his Professor and the patient about his mistake. With hands clasped together, praying for their understanding.

Yoshi felt bad about suggesting to swap duties with Asahi that day and so he couldn't help glancing over at him the whole time they were inside the car. Riding in silence until they arrived at the place where they agreed to celebrate Christmas.

Asahi looked over at the sea, it's not yet frozen despite the cold temperature. Haruto tapped Asahi's shoulder to get his attention then he followed him inside the Watanabe's rest house.

A mansion surrounded with rock formations situated in the middle, a perfect location to sight the sea.

Asahi held the warm cocoa in his hands as the three of them watched a movie. This is them calming down after a chaotic parlor game and gifts already unwrapped are placed on the couch.

Yoshi giggled while hitting the record button of his phone as Haruto snores. Asahi only gave Yoshi a smile. How he wished he could find joy in numerous things like Yoshi. To have Haruto's optimism even if his plans for Christmas eve ended up a chaotic mess.

Without these two, he might be spending his Christmas laying down on his bed like any other day. His life is already boring so without them, is it possible to have a life stale than what he has now?

While Yoshi was busy filming Haruto, a soft click of the door caught his attention. He looked up where Asahi was but his cup was left on the side table. Yoshi was startled, his phone slipping from his hand.

He rushed outside after noticing Asahi left without putting slippers nor his shoes. The cold air punched his face as soon as he was out, giving his chest a slight heart attack. His lips trembled while his eyes recognized the shadow of a man going in the sea who seemed to be out of it.

Yoshi screamed and ran earnestly even with his feet sinking in the sand.

Asahi stared at the moon. It's round and bright, its beauty is reflected with the water. Asahi can feel his body weighing more as he walks towards the direction of the moon. Forcing his way towards it while fighting the current of the waves. Giving in as he closed his eyes, he was almost there when a hand grabbed his arm, dragging him back to the shore.

“What’s wrong with you!” Yoshi glared at Asahi.

Yoshi hugged himself, hoping to ease the cold he was feeling. He was confused when Asahi kept laying down while looking at the snow falling slowly from the sky, obstructing his view of the moon.

“It’s because my life is boring.” Asahi laughed like a madman.

“You are crazy!” Yoshi yelled at him.

Guilt washes him. He blames himself for making Asahi feel his dreams aren't for him. He knew what Asahi was going through and yet he laughed and spent time with him like nothing happened. Leaving work for having poor gut health is understandable but he can't help but blame himself in this situation too.

“Is residency hard? You are doing great Asahi! You are even Professor Honda's favorite!” Yoshi said, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

“I… I don't know if I even want to be a doctor now.” Asahi said remaining in his laying position.

“I won't ask you about what happened in the ER.” Yoshi started.

“But breaking down and making mistakes is inevitable-” Asahi sat down and cut off Yoshi.

“We are not allowed to do that. In their eyes we are not just human.” He said.

Asahi looked at Yoshi and smiled. Sometimes he hates how he can read Yoshi, he knows Yoshi feels sorry and probably blames himself. It wasn't his fault, Asahi admits that he was all over the place. He isn't enjoying residency at all, staying at the hospital used to make him excited but now, he can't find anything fun.

“I'm going to bed and do you have ibuprofen with you?” Asahi stood up, giving Yoshi a pat.

Yoshi narrowed his eyes on him.

“Don’t worry I'm not doing what you are thinking. It's just that I keep getting migraines often.” Asahi massaged his temples.

“Sleep in my room if you want to have it.” Yoshi said while looking intently at Asahi.

“You don't trust me, do you, Doctor Kanemoto?” Asahi teased.

“No, not until you call me by my name.” Yoshi's upset voice made Asahi smile.

“Alright let's go to sleep.” Asahi said before heading inside the rest house.

After that incident, Asahi can tell that Yoshi had been watching him more than before. He feels uncomfortable being watched but he just let him be.

It was a great challenge to sneak away from him. Asahi finds the chair he is sitting on comfortable as he waits for the man in front of him to speak. Professor Honda glanced at the letter Asahi gave him before placing it at the side of his table.

“You said you wanted to tell me something.” Professor Honda cleared his throat.

“I… I'll take time off. I think being a doctor doesn't fit me at all.” Asahi said while looking down.

“I keep making mistakes, and can't control my emotions, causing harm to my patients.” He glanced at his Professor for a second.

Professor Honda's eyes are like what investigators have when they interrogate a suspect and to keep eye contact with him while confessing about giving up makes Asahi go back and forth with his decision.

“Is that all the reason?” Professor Honda asked.

“I hope you accept my decision.” Asahi bowed down before leaving the room.

While Asahi longs for freedom and hope. On the other side of the world, a pair of eyes was carefully watching the snow slowly falling down from outside the window. Covering the city in white. A smile appeared subtly on his face, he'd been looking at white all these years. He's tired of seeing the same plain walls and ceiling but once in a year he could enjoy the splash of colors, it is Christmas afterall.

It's a joyous season. He went down from his bed and opened the door of his room. He strolled down the hallway watching some of the familiar faces giggling and smiling widely. He greeted them with a smile.

He continued walking, taking a peek from slightly opened doors. He quickly picks up his pace as he walks towards the familiar tune of machines. He finally reached his favorite spot, he took a seat on the matted floor.

Taking an interest in the book left on the desk, he started reading the contents of the book. He was so absorbed by the book that he didn't notice the light steps coming to him.

“Hyung, will you read me a bedtime story?” A kid around five gleefully asked.

“Hi Juno, come here.” The man replied with a joyous tone.

“Mr. Park?” Both of them look at the direction of the voice.

The woman in a neat ponytail walked inside the room, motioning the boy to come near her as she tidied up the playroom.

“You know I'm grateful for you playing and taking care of the kids since this place would look less lonely but-”

“We need to be careful.” Mr. Park continued her sentence.

Hearing it almost everyday, it can't be helped for the sentence to be stuck inside his head. He looked at the woman with a sheepish smile and said,

“I know Mrs. Winston, I'm just having my last tour around.” He said.

“What do you mean?” The look of worry painted in Mrs. Winston's face.

“I'm going back to Korea.”

Mrs. Winston could not decipher the words in between and it was visible in her face. The first time he sees the man in front of her flashes back as the man smiles at her the same way.

She always had this thought in her mind, people have different ways to deal with pain and struggles. It could be a smile, a cheerful voice or a comforting giggle however, it could also be carrying rage, frustration or being selfish. All of these eventually will lead to something- that something called breaking down.

“Oh no no, don't give me that look.” The man pleaded.

“Sorry, I-” She hesitated to say what's on her mind.

“Don’t worry, I didn't give up on life yet.”

Mrs. Winston felt reassured after the man smiled with his crescent eyes.

“Well then, have a safe flight back home, Jihoon.” She said.

“I'm really happy to meet you, Mrs. Winston.”

Certainly Jihoon didn't give up on life, he is slowly understanding his fate. He wants to see the colors back home- the colors that painted his world during his youth and not just some decorations hung and pasted on the walls of the hospital.

He longs for the people whom he made promises and dreams with. They didn't cut each other off, they naturally lost connection with each other as everyone got to be busy figuring out how to be an adult while he got stuck being eighteen.

He is curious how life is treating the friends his youth remembers.

Chapter Text

[Seven years ago]

A sigh came out of Jihoon's mouth while his eyes moved away from watching his parent's back. He put on his headphones and pressed shuffle on his phone, while the song played the drive felt no longer stuffy.

His parents are transparent glass. He can see through their lies, yet he pretends he doesn't. Acting everything is fine around him meant protecting their only child from the cracks of their relationship. Trust broken is hard to fix. A promise to stay beside each other is hard to uphold.

The car moved carefully as it almost reached its destination. Jihoon watches the snow melting under the heat of the sun, revealing a vibrant sprout.

When winter ends, spring comes. Moving away from Busan is his parents trying to create spring inside their family's long winter. Unable to say goodbye to the friends and people he became familiar with, makes him get upset with the situation they have.

His father thought running away from being an employee and quickly jumping to join his cousin to build a business will turn their life around. It turns their life upside down. His father invested all the money he had and even took out loans but his cousin ran away with it. Now, his mother had to find a job that will be paying her twice to cover up his father’s lost income which led them here to Seoul.

Jihoon wanted to finish high school in Busan because transferring mid-semester is expected to create stories. Besides, he has all his friends there. Eleventh grade in Seoul? Jihoon scoffed at his thoughts.

The car slowed down as his father parked it outside the last property the bank hadn't ceased. Jihoon went out and stared at the gate of the house. It looks spacious from the outside and even has a small lawn but what caught Jihoon’s attention is the rowdy commotion at the house facing theirs.

The house looks a lot bigger compared to theirs. The garage looks wide so he assumed the owners would have a handful of cars. Well, this is a rich neighborhood so the other houses look impressive too but this house stood out.

The kids here… they all look childish. They look like they are the same age. One of them keeps shouting, calling out someone from the big house followed by giggles. The person seemed to not have come out yet so one of the group kept ringing the doorbell in an annoying way.

“We only have three days in our winter break, why won't you come out?” The one wearing a bright pink hoodie asked.

“Asahi! You are studying again, right?” The other boy fixed his glasses before talking.

“I saw Jaehyuk everyday and he kept playing soccer.” The other one pushed himself in between them as he talked.

“That wouldn't convince him, we all know Jaehyuk is a born genius!” One almost yelled, trying to lure their friend out.

The gate swung open and Jihoon had to watch them smile in unison. Relieved to see their annoyed friend out of his house.

“You guys are noisy and I'm not studying to beat Jaehyuk!”

Jihoon thought their friend probably needed the sun today. If vampires exist the man bickering with his friends would probably be one. It amazes him how someone could be fair as he is. Is he naturally pale or just someone who doesn't like going out?

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” The boy in a pink hoodie said before going to his bike.

“Where's your bike?” One of them asked.

The former mentioned wears a taekwondo uniform that is still visible despite the coat he was wearing. The boy who just came out of the house, grinned at him and said,

“Today, I'll ride with you.”

“Why?” The boy from earlier asked in disbelief.

“Think of it as training your muscles for the competition.” He nodded with his own statement.

“Why aren't you using your bike? I don't think I have seen you using it.” One of them wondered.

“Junghwan, just let him, we will miss the sunset if you argue with him.” The one with the rimmed glasses said preventing the arising argument between the two.

“Go!” And so Junghwan pedal as he had no choice.

Their laughter fades away as they have gotten far. Jihoon entered their new home, carrying his things inside. Thinking of his friends back home, would they be calling out his name to come out without knowing the house is now empty?

The town regarded him as sunshine, also a summer child. A child who is friendly to everyone, some think that it was a good choice from his parents to move in this part of the city as he will get more interactions since the town had a close knitted relationship with each other. Asahi is the only child of two genius doctors which the town admires because of their kind attitude.

Asahi said his greeting to the granny sitting at the counter. The granny smiled back at him as she saw him making a turn towards the ice cream fridge.

One would think that stars gather inside his eyes by the way they twinkle while looking at the fully stocked fridge. The new flavor caught his attention, it was a berry mixed yoghurt chocolate covered popsicle.

His cheeks flush with the thoughts and expectations about what the ice cream would taste like. He grabbed two of the new flavors and his usual ice cream. Ice cream is not a seasonal snack he can reason that out when his best friend complains about his spending.

Asahi turns around for him to almost drop the popsicles on his hand. He never knew the tree outside the store had this vibrant color, the branches swaying slowly with the wind. The sound of the heater was muffled with the rapid thumping of his heart.

His eyes were like a fresh boba glistening with his mouth slightly agape. He was lost in the boy walking towards the store. Although he had a scowl on his face, he was messing with the chemicals in his brain.

The said boy greeted him with a mad expression before walking past him. Asahi thought he would faint from the heat of the heater as he got a whiff of his perfume.

“You lost the game and that means you can't pick what you want, no ice cream.” The boy with the rimmed glasses pulls the ice cream away from his hand.

“Yeah.” Asahi uttered.

“Do you want some yoghurt drink instead?” The boy asked while scanning the fridge.

“Sure.” Asahi said, eyes glued at the person looking at the snacks.

“That’s new, you normally would argue with me.” The boy grabs the yoghurt drinks.

“Hmmm.” Asahi hummed.

The person across from them seemed to be busy checking out the snacks displayed on the shelf but he was staring blankly at them. Unaware of his surroundings.

“What’s gotten into you?” The boy asked worriedly.

“Doyoung, I never knew we had a face like that in our town?” Asahi's dimple poked out while turning to his friend.

“Who?” Doyoung asked and looked over at Asahi's back.

“It’s my first time seeing him too.” He said.

Doyoung took a glance again at the boy who broke the wire inside his friend's head. Even though Asahi cares a lot about his grades he was never the type to be obsessed over it except this winter break. Asahi likes to have fun and get silly too so having this little crush wasn't an odd thing because every person their age goes through that although they only last for a couple of weeks for him.

“What’s taking you guys so long?” Asahi and Doyoung both look at the boy entering the store.

“Jeongwoo do you want some?” Doyoung asked while showing the drinks.

“Just go and pay, I don't wanna keep my mom waiting.” Jeongwoo pulled Doyoung to the counter.

“Ooooh does our mother cooked braised beef today? Can we come over?” Junghwan chimed in.

“Shut up, Junghwan.” Jeongwoo retorted.

Asahi chuckled watching Jeongwoo dragging Doyoung out of the store while Junghwan got on Junkyu's bike, leading to Junkyu riding Junghwan's. He was about to follow them when a smile appeared on his face, slowly taking a step backward to take a quick glance at the person who came with spring.

Jihoon still had his mind about the sight he had to see this morning. He thought moving to this place will ease up the rough patches that's been going on in his family.

They just arrived a few hours ago. He is tired of rushing out to escape from that. He closed his eyes momentarily and heaved a sigh when a voice surprised him.

“Here, that's a good snack.”

Jihoon saw the boy from earlier. He was white like snow but his cheeks were like peaches. A color that compliments his skin.

“Uhmmm sorry, I thought you were having a hard time picking a snack.”

Asahi said awkwardly. Trying to keep a conversation but seeing him up close like this made him nervous. Jihoon still had this gloom around him with his eyebrows almost meeting each other.

“Yo- you- you've been standing there for quite some time so…” Asahi stutters since Jihoon hadn't said a word.

Jihoon looked at him. Jihoon blinks at Asahi without knowing that Asahi had his palms sweaty from his stare.

“I think I should go, I don't wanna keep my friends waiting.”

Asahi said and as soon as he turned his back he muttered how stupid of him to strike a conversation.

Jihoon looks at the snack Asahi left. He smiled unconsciously while he watched Asahi run, slightly embarrassed of himself.

This town is a bit odd, he thought to himself before walking to pay at the counter as he greeted the old lady. Will pretending to have no care about the world work?

Asahi glanced at the streetlight carefully, finding one with the light fading. Taking note of it before reporting it. Hummed came out of his mouth, he is feeling too much happiness today. Maybe it was from seeing the sunset or the braised beef that Jeongwoo's mom cooked or from seeing that cute guy in the store.

He can feel his cheeks warming up and he let out a light giggle thinking about him. The smile on his face left upon seeing two familiar figures rushing out from his house.

He ran towards them upon seeing the boxes placed inside the car's compartment.

“You are back? I thought you'll be getting home late. Jeongwoo's mom texted me.” His mother noticed his presence.

“So I left a letter on the fridge.” She said while busy checking the boxes.

“Where are you going?” Asahi muttered.

“Didn't you just come back? Why are you loading these boxes again?” Asahi asked while helping his father carry the boxes.

“Oh the next place that needs our help is a bit far so we need to go now.” His father replied.

“Tomorrow.” His parents looked at him, waiting for him to continue talking.

“School is starting tomorrow.” Asahi lied, hoping this significant event will delay them from leaving.

His parents weren't home for the entire winter break. Accidents and illnesses alike are high during this season. He understands and knows fully well that his parents do this yearly medical mission because he grew up learning about it.

He can't complain because they are doing a great deed but sometimes he wishes they will give him a little bit of their time and attention. He is thankful for having his friends around but he misses his parents. The older he gets, the lesser he sees them.

“I already transferred your allowance, Doyoung's mom will be checking on you so be nice to her.” His mom reminded.

“Message us anytime if you need anything.” His father added.

“Take care of yourself, sorry Asahi we have to go.” His mom said, giving him a hug.

Asahi watched the car drive away, he looked down. Without him knowing, Jihoon, who was getting back home from a walk, saw him standing with shoulders shaking from crying.

Asahi felt stupid from crying seeing his parents leaving despite his age. He wiped his tears as he looked around, he is lucky no one saw him acting like a child.

He hesitantly entered their house and saw that his parents had already packed the fridge with meals he could heat up quickly.

He can feel them caring for him in other ways but he longs for a picture of him coming home with his parents eating together at the dinner table. He sighed and started opening the book placed on his table.

With the new semester starting, Asahi fixes his tie before wearing his school vest. He locked the front door and hurriedly went to the gate when the bike parked beside the garden caught his attention.

Asahi wondered when he would be able to use it. Asahi shakes his head, he shouldn't be thinking about it now. His brain should rest before learning new things.

Asahi opened the gate just as Jihoon came out of his house. Asahi stops in his tracks upon seeing the boy from yesterday. His stern look wasn't noticed by Asahi as he walked towards him.

“You are the new neighbor?” Asahi asked.

Asahi's image from last night still lingers inside Jihoon’s mind. He shouldn't be concerned about others. He is already dealing with his issues.

“I'm Asahi.”

Somehow Jihoon felt the words are true, that someone can smile as bright as the sun. Asahi's cheeks tinted close to a fully ripened peach made him even brighter with his crescent eyes.

Forgetting for a while the weakness inside their hearts. Maybe inside him felt the warmth that the person in front of him is giving, however, he doesn't want to have another person unable to say goodbye to.

Jihoon walked past Asahi without saying a word. Asahi looked down at his shoes, disappointed that he wasn't able to make friends with the new kid in town.

Jihoon who allowed loneliness to enter his life met Asahi who is afraid of being lonely. One seeking out for happiness and one who chooses to abandon happiness. Met like water and oil, how did they end up yearning for each other after years passed?

Chapter Text

Jihoon always thought pretending to be a ghost would be the perfect plan to perfectly blend in with his new school. To prevent his classmates from being interested in him and dig up information about him.

His family situation, he wants to keep it only at home. He doesn't want other people talking about it and giving unwelcome advice or pity comments. He wants to finish high school fast and leave everything behind.

Not unless a weird classmate kept calling his name. Telling him stuff he doesn't want to know. He thought he would stop if he didn't answer his question but that kid called Asahi followed him around.

They were seatmates at first but Jihoon had to make excuses to his teacher to switch his seat without making Asahi look bad.

“Park Jihoon.”

Asahi greeted Jihoon at the door, eyes sparkling like billions of stars residing inside them. It has been almost a month but Asahi always greets him in the morning first.

“Do you want to be friends?” Asahi smiled brightly at him.

He was about to walk past him when an eraser hit Asahi's head, causing him to turn around.

“You are too loud.” Jaehyuk motioned him to shut up.

Yoon Jaehyuk. This grade over all first place, Asahi's rival. Asahi rolled his eyes at Jaehyuk before taking his seat.

Jihoon didn't miss the quick smile from Jaehyuk before he lay his head on his book. He thinks Jaehyuk likes to annoy Asahi and says that he ranks second.

Jaehyuk never picks up his book, sleeps in class, and loves playing soccer during breaks but Asahi on the other hand likes spending time by reading his books but never forgot to have fun with his friends. If he were Asahi he'll be annoyed too that Jaehyuk is doing things half heartedly yet succeeding then teasing you for your hard work like nothing.

He took his seat beside Jaehyuk. Asahi never went to where Jaehyuk is and so Jihoon chose him to be his seatmate plus Jaehyuk never talked to him.

Jihoon watches Asahi as he teases Jeongwoo back. Honestly, he thinks-

“Do you play soccer?” He almost jumps when he hears Jaehyuk's voice.

“No.” Jaehyuk stared at him before going back to sleep.

Asahi just pops out that he doesn’t have time to think about what happened earlier in the morning. The daily fight of his parents.

“Park Jihoon.”

He looked at his side and saw Asahi with Doyoung. Letting him order for him.

“Do you like sugar on your corndog? I like it that way.” Asahi said before going to Doyoung.

Sometimes he felt relieved that his mind had other things to think about.

“Park Jihoon.”

Jihoon's textbook was taken away and was replaced with a lunchbox. He looked up and was not surprised to see Asahi in front of him.

“Have you tried musubi?”

Asahi asked before leaving him to eat lunch with Junkyu who was running out of patience waiting for him.

Sometimes it annoys him that his voice is louder than the music playing from his phone.

“Park Jihoon.”

Jihoon sighed, turning his back at Asahi as he proceeded to sweep the floor.

“Are you on cleaning duty today? Me too.” Asahi smiled widely before picking up the trash bag.

His mind had gotten used to Asahi bothering him at least once a day that hearing him or seeing him approaching no longer bothered him at all.

“Park Jihoon.”

Jihoon closed the faucet after washing his face to see Asahi not in his PE uniform. His head must have hurt again, he should stop staying inside his room studying and breathe some air or jog around.

How can he study if he gets a headache often? Asahi shyly places the drink he always has.

“I like this drink. I drink it all the time, when I'm happy or sad.” Asahi said.

“What does it have to do with me?” Jihoon waited for Asahi to answer.

Asahi was surprised to hear Jihoon ask him something for the first time and it made him a little bit happy.

“I'm introducing myself to you.” He replied.

“Every day, I will tell you a fact about myself until you find something interesting and…”

Asahi realizing Jihoon was actually listening makes him nervous. He wants Jihoon to be friends with him because no one was approaching him, he doesn't want him to feel lonely just because he is a transferee.

“Do you want to be friends with me?”

Jihoon turns around to see Jaehyuk looking at Asahi with seriousness. There seems to be something going on with Jaehyuk but Jihoon couldn't see.

“No.” Asahi firmly said before rushing to leave them.

Jaehyuk opens the faucet beside Jihoon, water running loudly when they stop after hearing Asahi.

“See you tomorrow.”

Asahi pointed at Jihoon as Jaehyuk proceeded to tease Asahi by waving at him.

His smile and the way his eyes crinkles after calling his name is like a broken record that keeps playing inside Jihoon’s head.

“Park Jihoon!” Jihoon was startled.

“What are you doing?” Asahi called his attention as he was holding the line in the cafeteria.

He began to learn what his voice sounds like, when he is excited, curious, confused, or unhappy.

“Park Jihoon?”

“Do you want to be partners?” He can see hope in Asahi's eyes.

Having Asahi constantly bothering him makes him want to grab his hand and take him to ride on his bicycle away from this chaos called life. No, he doesn't want to keep him and take away his glow.

“I already asked him.” Jaehyuk stood up from his seat.

Jihoon glanced at Jaehyuk, but Jaehyuk didn't ask him. Asahi was upset then Junghwan asked him to do the project with him which he nodded happily. His mood changes quickly.

He thought he got used to Asahi's weird habit of constantly talking to him even though he doesn't show any interest. He still annoys him. He doesn't want to hear his name being called. He wants his silence back.

“Park Jihoon.”

Asahi giggled after hearing Jihoon groaned. It was the first time he showed him a reaction. He hurriedly kept up with his pace. Walking the same direction home.

“What color do you like? I like the color of the sky.” Jihoon glances at Asahi who happily looks up at the sky.

Now his own name haunts him. He wants to change his name.

“Park Jihoon.”

“Park Jihoon.”

“Park Jihoon.”

A thud woke Jihoon up. Having nightmares about his name is so silly. It is all Asahi's fault. He punched his pillow thinking that he will be greeted by Asahi again today.

“Jihoon! Aren't you going to get up?”

He heard his mother waking him up before hurrying to take a shower.

Life has its own way of mocking us. Right now, Jihoon feels that this is the moment. Locked up inside the storage room with the person who won't stop bothering him from the moment he entered this campus.

He watched Asahi sat on the floor calmly, being partnered to be on cleaning duty is torture to his ears. Asahi kept his feet together as he stared at his shoes, luckily he was silent today.

Jihoon bangs the door, shouting for help hoping someone would hear him. He left his phone inside his bag so he can't message their teacher about the situation they are in.

“Aren’t you going to do something?” Jihoon was annoyed while looking at Asahi.

“The bell rang already, no one was wandering around.” Asahi replied, leaning his head on the wall.

Jihoon glanced at the door then at Asahi. It's new for him to see Asahi act this way because he remembers him for being too loud.

“Give it some time, Doyoung or Junghwan might realize I'm missing.” Asahi said, closing his eyes.

“Aren’t you worried about missing this period?” Jihoon asked in confusion.

Everyone in class knew Asahi is the type of student that follows rules diligently, discussion and homework excites him. Kinda irritating for a classmate, Jihoon thought.

“No, I don't like to attend.” Asahi said slowly, opening his eyes.

“It’s nice to skip this period, I won't have to look stupid staring at the question.” Asahi looked at his shoes.

“What do you want to be years from now?”

For someone like Asahi who seems to have everything figured out, he didn't expect to hear such sentiments.

“What university do you wish to enter?”

He doesn't understand him, he is striving to be the best. Kept his grades in excellence and is never last place in extracurricular activities. Isn't he aiming to enter one of the top universities?

“What’s the reason do you want to be that or this?”

But then, hearing those from Asahi made him ask himself too. For now, he dreams to be free from his parents arguing the moment they see each other.

“Or writing an essay about what does your dream meant to you?”

His dream? Aside from running away, he wants to be someone that will make a person happy the moment they enter their home, making them truly feel comfort by staying inside- an interior designer.

“Why? Why are you looking at me like that?”

It was the first time for Asahi to see Jihoon lost in thought. A change from his stoic expression.

“You look like you have answers for all of that.”

Jihoon lowered his head as he looked away from Asahi. He feels pathetic, he doesn't want others judging him but he was judging Asahi all along without realizing it.

“I don't have one. I don't know.” Asahi's eyes remained on his shoes.

It was the first gift his parents gave him without asking for it. Their words were engraved in his head- because he did well.

“Then why do you want to keep beating Jaehyuk for the top place?” Asahi smiled upon hearing Jihoon.

“No reason.” Asahi replied.

Jihoon was about to ask Asahi some more questions when a familiar voice interrupted them.

“Asahi?”

The knock on the door made Asahi stand up, walking closer to the door.

“Doyoung?” He asked the other person behind the door.

“Are you okay?” Doyoung asked worriedly.

And then the door was opened. Jihoon wished Doyoung would have come later but then, he was thankful that he stopped him from bringing himself closer to Asahi.

“You know it's nice to be locked up.”

Asahi's statement made his friends gag, which made him chuckle from seeing their reaction.

“Stop! I don't want to hear Jihoon’s name.” Junkyu placed his hand on his ears.

Asahi had been talking nonstop about Jihoon ever since he saw him at the shop. At first, they were interested in hearing his stories about him but after seeing their friend acting like a fool chasing him made them disapprove of his crush.

“Why do you even like him?” Jeongwoo clicked his tongue.

“He's rude and selfish.” Junkyu pointed out.

“He won't even say thank you when you give him the yoghurt drink.” Doyoung added.

“I don't know. He's handsome.”

Asahi's answer made them all gasp at the same time. Asahi is amused with his friends’ reaction that sometimes he says some things over the top.

“You should look for personality!” Junkyu firmly said.

“We talked. He talked to me!” Asahi quickly went to Junghwan.

Junghwan was silently listening so Asahi wanted to tell him everything that happened.

“I was also scared of getting locked up but I realized I am not the only one.”

Junghwan looked at the others with eyes pleading for help. He didn't ask for details, besides he had another person in mind he wanted for Asahi.

“Jihoon was panicking but I said Doyoung or Junghwan will notice that I'm not in class and Doyoung came.”

Jeongwoo shook his head, raised his hand. Stopping Asahi from talking, a daily occurrence of them arguing.

“Why is it only Doyoung and Junghwan? Me too, I notice too that you are not in class!” Jeongwoo insisted.

“But it wasn't Doyoung or Junghwan.” Junkyu uttered, which made all of them look at him.

“It wasn't them who noticed you were missing.” Junkyu said.

“Then, you?” Asahi pointed at Junkyu.

“No, I was seriously answering the career questions.” Junkyu said while popping a corn chip in his mouth.

“It was Jaehyuk.” Junghwan answered.

“Stop joking around!” Asahi eyed Junghwan.

“Junghwan isn't lying. It really was Jaehyuk who noticed first.” Doyoung supported Junghwan's statement.

“Why? He's so annoying.” Asahi crossed his arms.

“Aren’t you all going home?” Jeongwoo asked, snatching the bag of chips from Junkyu.

“It’s already eight!” Jeongwoo pointed at his clock.

“Mom, we're leaving!” Junghwan announced as they left Jeongwoo's bedroom.

Asahi was left with questions over what he heard. Jaehyuk? Seriously, he is annoying him. Of course! He wants fair play so he noticed him missing first. No! It was because his seatmate was missing that's why, maybe Jaehyuk mentioned Jihoon first but Junghwan had to say it's him to tease him.

Junghwan always teases him about the possibility of Jaehyuk having a crush on him. Asahi halted in his steps after seeing a familiar back walking the same direction with a bag of snacks in his hand.

“Park Jihoon!”

Jihoon turned around to see Asahi shining brightly, waving at him. They said a person is molded out by home but society shapes them completely.

Asahi grew up in an empty household but let himself be filled with memories that make his world loud with colors. In contrast, Jihoon grew up full of adoration by the presence of his family but his presence is currently fading in his parent's daily life. He could no longer be the joy of his parents.

That moment made Jihoon believe that fate brought them together to be reflected in each other's eyes. Jihoon may not know it yet, but he finally grabs Asahi's hand, the string of life tying into a knot. The start of a story.

“Park Jihoon?”

Jihoon smiled faintly, his eyes still fixated at the window of Asahi's room. His voice echoing in his ears is too realistic with the nostalgia he is feeling.

Flying back to Korea and suddenly learning that the person who kept him holding onto life was no longer waiting at the place he left him, hitted with the reality that he was the only one stuck with time.

“What are you doing?”

Jihoon froze. His heart was thumping excessively, the voice lingers in his mind. Denying the thoughts inside his head as he slowly turns around. He could no longer calm his heart as he always practiced.

Asahi took a step back bumping with the edge of his suitcase and Jihoon was quick to grab his hand to prevent him from falling. Warm breaths were exchanged with their bodies softly colliding, no words uttered, hearts beating loudly in unified rhythm.

Seeing their reflection in each other's eyes, surprised and in disbelief. Regrets and yearning filled them as snow dropped lightly from the sky.

Asahi's cheeks warmed up turning his skin into peach, maybe it was from the cold of winter or could it be from seeing the person whom he thought he had forgotten. Jihoon tilted his head slightly, confused as stars no longer resided in Asahi's eyes. Asahi cleared his throat and looked away.

Asahi removed his hand from Jihoon's grasp. Jihoon glanced at the suitcase and saw that he just landed from Japan. Is he here for a vacation? But the number of his suitcase says otherwise. Is he tired from the flight? Why does he look dejected?

“Hi?” Jihoon awkwardly said.

Asahi stood there for a minute before pulling his suitcase in front of the gate. Leaving Jihoon without saying a word. Jihoon walked away after watching Asahi go inside with all his suitcase, a smile can't help forming in his mouth from seeing him again.

Chapter Text

What will you do when the person you choose to forget appears right in front of you? The person who left six years ago is standing right where you cried for his name.

Asahi stood outside his house, trying not to move an inch while his eyes stayed at Jihoon who was smiling at him. Afraid to close his eyes and move his head away in case Jihoon will disappear again.

[Year 2017]

Jihoon grabs his wallet from his desk as he hurriedly escapes his parents arguing. It's the same topic they're having, when will they get tired and reach an agreement.

His father surprised them by saying he started a company with his long-time friend before having dinner. He told his wife he didn't put out that much money but she refused to believe that. So now, dinner is canceled and as usual Jihoon has to buy some snacks to eat.

Jihoon opened their front gate only to meet Asahi's eyes, looking at him with empathy. It looks like Asahi heard all those ruckus in their house. Of course, who wouldn't hear it if they are both yelling at each other.

Jihoon grew irritated while Asahi kept looking at him. Asahi was carefully examining Jihoon’s expression, there wasn't a day that he hadn't heard Jihoon’s parents arguing. Today, he decided to ring the doorbell to inform them about the noise that's bothering him but before he could do that, Jihoon appeared in front of him.

Jihoon narrowed his eyes on him before walking in the direction of the snack shop. Asahi was startled, is he mad at him?

“Park Jihoon! Wait for me.”

Asahi yelled as Jihoon picked up his pace. He's embarrassed to face Asahi, he acted all tough in front of him then was seen vulnerable because of his parents.

Jihoon moved his feet faster as he realized Asahi was catching up with him. Asahi let out an exhale before following Jihoon’s step. He was so focused that he didn't even notice one of the street lights had a flickering light bulb.

Asahi let out a groan after bumping into Jihoon.

“Stop following me.” Jihoon carefully pushes Asahi away.

“I am not! I'm heading to…” Asahi muttered while eyes wandering where they were headed.

Asahi nibbles his lower lips, cheeks tinting peach showing how embarrassed he is. Jihoon's expression turned into a scowl, growing impatient to hear Asahi’s excuse.

“I'm just worried about you.” Asahi said.

“Why would you be worried?” Jihoon took a step towards Asahi.

“We aren't even friends.” Jihoon pointed.

Asahi is a meddlesome. Jihoon hates how Asahi keeps chasing him when he wants to run away, how he keeps seeing him more than his shadow.

Jihoon was about to say something to force Asahi to back away when his heartbeat echoed in his ears, head dizzy with Asahi's finger touching his lips.

Jihoon looks at Asahi who is motioning him to stop talking. Holding his breath, noticing more of Asahi's features.

“Did you hear that?” Asahi said in a hush voice.

Asahi lets go of Jihoon, steps lightly and carefully as he goes near the bushes.

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asked in a worried tone.

“Don’t go near it.” Jihoon hurriedly went to where Asahi is.

Asahi turned around with something in his arms. Jihoon unconsciously took a step back upon seeing it.

“You poor thing. Look at this kitten, he must've suffered a lot.”

Asahi's sadness can be felt through his voice. Jihoon blinks only to meet the kitten in Asahi's arms again.

“Trying his best to meow but no sound coming out.” Asahi swayed like a mother comforting her child to sleep.

“He? How'd you know it's a he?” Nervousness is evident in Jihoon’s voice.

“What happened to your eyes?”

Asahi only had his attention on the kitten who had his skinny body covered in dirt. The kitten is trying its best to call for help.

“Where's your mom?” Asahi cooed the kitten in his arms.

Asahi looked around, hoping to find the other kitten with their mother- only to see Jihoon frozen in front of him while staring intensely at the kitten in his arms.

“Wait. Are you afraid of cats?”

Jihoon looked at Asahi who had a smirk on his face. Jihoon scoffed and crossed his arms.

“No!” He confidently claimed.

“Then would you mind looking after it?”

Asahi wants to pass the kitten in Jihoon’s arm when his body jolts. Asahi smiled at him before placing the kitten down instead.

Jihoon stood at a safe distance with the kitten. He cleared his throat, Asahi snorted before pretending to look busily with his phone.

“Are you laughing?” Jihoon asked.

“You both look so cute.”

Jihoon looked away shyly after hearing Asahi. He glanced at the kitten beside him, animals have natural survival instinct but how can one survive if the world is harsher to weaker ones.

The kitten needs the care of his mother, someone to teach him how to be independent. Jihoon’s index finger softly rubs the kitten's forehead as it purrs weakly in response.

They both waited patiently for the mother cat to appear but it didn't. Asahi yawned before turning to ask Jihoon.

“Do you want to keep it?” He asked.

“The kitten will hate living in our house more than the streets.” Jihoon replied.

Jihoon glanced at the kitten who finally stopped meowing and sleeping beside his feet. Did he run away to survive? The kitten looks like it probably won't make it another day if Asahi hadn't heard its cry. Will the kitten stay restless for the rest of the night?

Jihoon followed Asahi to the vet clinic they found that was still open . The kitten was malnourished and had an infection so the vet advised them that the kitten may not make it due to its age but Asahi smiled widely at the vet and said the kitten will grow up to be beautiful.

Unexpectedly, Jihoon found himself in a situation where he needed to do things he was afraid to do. Okay, he confessed. He is afraid of cats. When he was a kid, his cousin was given a cat as a present so when Jihoon was about to pet it, the cat hissed at him. Startling him for the rest of his life.

He rejected Asahi's offer to take turns but seeing Asahi slept through class because of it, he finally gave in to take care of it. Although, he always reminds the kitten to stay at a safe distance.

The kitten they found randomly that night built a bond that was unknown to them, Jihoon will treasure it for years to come and will scar Asahi in return.

Something changed between them. A pair of eyes watch them as they converse in secret, pretending to clean the board together.

Doyoung titled his head trying to decipher the scene unfolding in front of him. Jihoon was the first one to move near Asahi which Asahi used to do.

“President, would you want to play soccer?” Doyoung looked at the boy who called him.

“What are you looking at?” Junghwan asked while walking in the hallway.

“Junghwan, let's go. I'll play with you.” Doyoung hurriedly pulled Junghwan away.

Weekends start to become different to Jihoon. He finally had a reason to run away from home during the weekend, he can now stop pretending to go to the library to study.

“Why aren't you using your bicycle?” Jihoon asked.

“No reason.” Asahi replied while placing the kitten on a basket that Jihoon made for his bike.

“It will cost you more to fix it if you won't be using it.”

Asahi rolled his eyes as he heard Jihoon nag. It's not like he doesn't want to ride it, he couldn’t.

“Am I that heavy for you?” Asahi asked with his hand on his waist.

“Yeah.” Jihoon replied while he had his attention on the kitten.

“Park Jihoon!” Asahi gasped.

“Don’t tell me you don't know how to ride a bike?” Jihoon tilted his head at him.

Asahi stared at him, debating whether to tell him or not. Can Jihoon be fully trusted with embarrassing secrets like this? Jihoon’s eyes grew bigger upon realizing.

“What? You really don't know?”

Jihoon was surprised. Now, he found out the reason why he was the only one who doesn't ride his bicycle in their group.

“Whatever! I won't be coming.” Asahi shoved the pet bag at Jihoon.

“Wait.” Jihoon grabs Asahi's wrist.

“Cotton needs you, right Cotton?” Cotton responded with a meow which melted Asahi.

Asahi always thought the wind was fascinating. You know it's there even though you can't see it. It has an expressive way of telling you how the world feels.

It howls when typhoons move bigger, it blows calmly as the Earth rotates, and it feels dry when the sun rises longer.

Asahi has nothing in his mind, he feels the air touching his skin slowly as he pedals with Jihoon's bicycle.

After a trip to the vet, Jihoon decided to teach Asahi to ride a bicycle at the local park. Jihoon cheers with Cotton on his arms as Asahi passes by.

Jihoon chuckled upon seeing Asahi returning with a wide smile plastered on his face.

“Thanks Jihoon.”

Asahi said, eyes twinkling as the rays of the sun shine on his face. Jihoon held his breath, making his heart race faster.

“I was waiting for my dad to teach me.”

Asahi started carrying Cotton with him. Cautiously sitting on the grass. Jihoon followed him, all ears to his story.

“You see he promised to teach me and I'm hoping he will remember it.”

Asahi started brushing Cotton's fur while the kitten gave soothing purrs on his lap. Hands busy to find comfort while opening up a secret he hasn't told his friends.

“But recently when I begged them about buying me one he didn't even ask if I knew how to ride it.”

The wind caresses Asahi's face, lashes fluttering, his lips turning into a frown as he gets reminded of his father but with the sun behind his back- he was glowing. Asahi was sparkling in Jihoon's orbs.

“Don’t worry, you have me.”

The words left in Jihoon’s mouth without his permission. An inner thought that is supposed to be kept hidden. Words of consolation that only his heart was supposed to hear.

“Really?”

Jihoon stepped into the gutter deep water without knowing how deep it actually was as Asahi's smile grew bigger. A smile that his mind captures every time he sees it.

“I didn't mean it the way you're thinking right now.” Jihoon looked away.

“Whatever.” Asahi said before laying down on the grass.

If he were being truthful to himself, he would acknowledge that Asahi and Cotton became his new sweet escape. Running away but also not running away. What is he even mumbling in his mind?

“You know, I am ready to be alone when my parents give up on their relationship but seeing it unfold…” Jihoon glanced at Asahi.

“Asahi? Are you sleeping?”

Asahi breathes softly. Jihoon knows Asahi stays up late because he can see the lights from Asahi's window whenever he walks upstairs to his room.

Asahi has a lot of determination but he doesn't know where to go. He doesn't have a definite goal for things he does so how come he doesn't even get tired of doing it?

Right, he's chasing after his parents. Asahi shouldn't be running towards them instead he should find his own track. We grew up admiring our parents in most cases. In Jihoon’s view, Asahi is a dot, searching for a sentence he could end- to settle in.

“I'll stay right here.”

Jihoon muttered, his hand covering Asahi's face from the sun. His eyes, nose and lips are the interesting details he keeps on watching instead of the flower field found in the park.

Jihoon can't help but stare at Cotton who is sleeping on Asahi's chest. The wind softly brushing its fur, the kitten survived death because he was found. He laid down beside Asahi, finding peace in his troubled mind.

There's a very important thing that every student does after an exam. Relaxing and food is a combo that Doyoung plans the weekend after examination happens.

Doyoung carries the tray of their order with Junkyu while Jeongwoo and Junghwan watches the people outside the cafe as they wait for their food.

“What is Asahi doing these days?” Junghwan complained.

“He kept missing out.” Jeongwoo added.

Midterms are already done so Asahi shouldn't be busy besides he only missed hanging out with them if his parents are at home. It wasn't the case because Doyoung asked his father about it and he said Mr. Hamada will be attending the conference with him and Mrs. Hamada is on duty.

Doyoung and Asahi became close because of their parents working closely with each other. Asahi goes to the same kindergarten as Doyoung because his father recommended it to Mr. Hamada. In addition, their mothers became close because Asahi's mom wanted to learn more about Japanese culture from his mom.

They have many things in common that they found comfort with each other. Sometimes they get the eye whenever someone learns they only share half of the culture. Old people always call them the children of traitors, they tried to understand where they were coming from since the history can not be erased and ignored. However, they are proof of their parents' love for each other.

Naturally, they see each other often as their parents bring them whenever there is an event. They might have gotten close because of their parents but Doyoung cares a lot about Asahi.

He'll do anything to make Asahi feel better whenever he gets disappointed with his scores, cry with him after watching Your Lie in April, get angry whenever Jaehyuk teases Asahi and get worried a lot when he acts unusual.

He stared at his chat with Asahi. Asahi tells him everything so Asahi keeping a secret makes him worry. He was about to type a message when Jeongwoo yelled.

“Wait!”

They all looked up at Jeongwoo who was in disbelief at what he was looking at. Doyoung slowly looked out the window to see his best friend laughing.

“Is that Asahi?” Junghwan dramatically placed his burger down.

“With Jihoon?” Junkyu rubs his eyes before staring outside.

“Jihoon!” Jeongwoo pointed at the window, making Junghwan and Junkyu stand up from their seats.

Jihoon turns around to grab something from his bicycle and they all watch him in anticipation. A kitten with a ribbon placed on his snow white fur meows at Asahi. Asahi laughed before carrying the said kitten.

“Look at that wide smile plastered on his face.” Doyoung commented while he smiled, mirroring his friend's smile.

“Did our friend hit the lotto?” Jeongwoo turned to Junghwan.

“No way! When? How?” Junkyu then proceeds to drink his milkshake.

It was a picture Doyoung hadn't seen before. He discovered how smiles can have different appearances. It's a smile Asahi never had before.

Doyoung smirks playfully, is Asahi keeping his relationship with Jihoon to avoid the teasing? Then they'll tease him more.

“More importantly he's using his bike!” Doyoung exclaimed.

They watched in amazement as Asahi pedalled carefully with the kitten in the basket.

“Traitor.” Junkyu muttered.

“Should we follow them?” Jeongwoo suggested.

“Let them enjoy their date.” Doyoung stops them from moving from the table.

He takes a bite of the burger and the other three follow to eat their food. Doyoung can't help thinking about what Asahi sees in Jihoon except for his good looks.

Asahi always tells him that he's gonna marry someone who has a very loving family, someone who has a lot of siblings that makes the house loud. Doyoung shakes his head, they're too young so why is he even thinking about that now but he likes daydreaming about the future. One day, he will guide and nurture the minds of the young.

Chapter Text

There is a saying that goes, ”You are born in this world because you have a purpose.” Whether one believes in this or not, we search for our reason for existing.

Asahi put down his pen, the wrinkle in his forehead shows how serious he is while looking at his paper. He needs to collect the papers until this morning but he still has no answer written. Their homeroom teacher gave them three days to carefully answer it.

“In the future, I want to be…” Asahi mumbled in his seat.

“Asahi, do you want to come?” Asahi looked up to see Doyoung and Junkyu.

“Me and Junkyu will be grabbing some snacks.” Doyoung said.

Asahi looks around, is he the only one struggling to answer this career sheet? Why does the school keep on asking them about their future plans?

He doesn't understand how everyone has turned in their papers. No matter how he stares at the paper, nothing comes to mind. He even tried closing his eyes at home, thinking about the future but he can't picture anything.

“Doyoung, I don't think I have your paper.” Asahi said, remembering the names written on the paper.

Doyoung hurriedly went to his seat before submitting his paper that was folded in half.

“Don’t look!” Doyoung warns Asahi.

Asahi chuckled and nodded, Doyoung's expression got him curious about what he had written. He wanted to tease him about it but upon checking his watch, he had no time to do so.

“I'll be turning this, you and Junkyu enjoy shopping for snacks.” He said.

Asahi places his paper at the bottom before putting the rest on his homeroom teacher's table.

Asahi assures himself that turning a blank paper is better than lying about it. He hopes his homeroom teacher will understand that not writing anything means he is seriously thinking about his future too.

A smile slowly appeared on his face the moment he saw the familiar figure who was busy reading the text on the snack he was eating.

“Park Jihoon!”

Jihoon halted, eyes so pleased to see Asahi, making his lips curve upwards. Jihoon walks toward Asahi.

“Did you come from the cafeteria?” Asahi asked as they walked side by side.

Jihoon’s past self would be surprised to know about him getting comfortable with the person he wanted to avoid during his first day.

“Oh! They have a new flavor?” Asahi noticed the snack he was holding.

“I think so, do you want to try it?” Jihoon offered the snack to Asahi.

Asahi gladly took one and started commenting about the new flavor of the chip. Jihoon smiles while hearing Asahi comparing the other flavors.

With Cotton, knowing secrets about each other and spending the weekend together made Jihoon get comfortable with Asahi's presence.

He was a shelter that keeps him safe despite the strong wind and pouring rain happening. His solace.

“Also, I got this.” Jihoon showed Asahi the yoghurt drink.

“It’s the last one so you can have it.”

Jihoon watches as Asahi's eyes sparkle more after having a sip of the drink.

“Are you guys really dating?”

Asahi's eyes went bigger after seeing Junkyu and Doyoung. Doyoung casually munching his snack while Junkyu dramatically walked forward to where Asahi is.

Based on the snacks they have on their hands, Junkyu probably convinces Doyoung finally to sneak out at the convenience store.

“What are you talking about?” Asahi asked Junkyu in disbelief.

“Courting then?” Doyoung asked, eyes lingering at Jihoon.

“What are you saying?” Asahi said, turning red because of embarrassment.

“Asahi we saw you both last weekend with this tiny kitten and ah!”

Junkyu pulled a fistful of his hair with his left hand. Eyes darting back and forth between Asahi and Jihoon.

“I already felt betrayed after seeing you ride that bicycle so Asahi tell me the truth, are you dating Jihoon?”

Junkyu held Asahi's shoulder, the sound of pleading heard from his voice with a tint of frustration. He knows about Asahi having a crush on Jihoon, Asahi always updates them about his day without them asking so keeping them in the dark about the progress of his relationship with Jihoon is what the frustration is coming from.

Okay, it's fair that he was tired of hearing Jihoon’s name but still this ain't right in his perspective. Afterall, Asahi is his friend.

“We are friends, right?” Asahi gave Jihoon a look.

“Right.” Jihoon nodded in agreement although there was a feeling sprouting inside him.

The news about their suspicious relationship spread inside their classroom because of Junkyu's loud mouth. As soon as they got back, he went to Jeongwoo and ranted about what he saw.

Asahi couldn't focus on the lesson because of Jeongwoo distracting him with his million questions, whispering behind him.

Asahi looked gaunt walking a distance away from his friends when Jaehyuk suddenly pulled his bag, causing him to almost fall back.

“Hamada, are the rumors true?”

Irritation was visible in Jaehyuk’s face. Brows almost meeting together, eyes narrowing and mouth fighting the urge to pout which in Asahi's perspective is the only emotion Jaehyuk shows whenever they see each other.

“So are you going to tease me too?”

Asahi crosses his arms. Jaehyuk always looks like he has all the time in the world, doing everything aside from studying. Asahi wonders what he wrote in the career sheet. Probably, managing their family business.

“I don't have time to deal with you Jaehyuk.”

Asahi walks past Jaehyuk, having no energy to annoy him back.

“Just answer the question.”

Jaehyuk grabs Asahi's wrist, carefully guiding him to face him. Still, holding his wrist lightly just enough to prevent Asahi from running away until he hears his answer to his question.

“No, I like Jihoon but we are not dating.” Asahi said.

Jaehyuk’s expression softened, a quirky smirk appearing in his face. Asahi raises one of his eyebrows when Jaehyuk’s face goes closer to him.

“So one-sided love?” Jaehyuk said, moving away.

“Bye.” He chuckled leaving Asahi looking baffled with his action.

“Are you okay?”

Asahi turned around to see Doyoung leading the others towards him. A chaos following behind, Junghwan teasing Jeongwoo about his score earlier and Junkyu defending Jeongwoo causing Junghwan to remind Junkyu about him slipping in the hallway today.

“I'm used to it because Jaehyuk never went over the line.” Asahi reassures Doyoung.

“Oh! Park Jihoon, wait!” Jeongwoo hurriedly stops Jihoon who is almost at the school gate.

Junghwan and Junkyu rush to follow Jeongwoo while Asahi looks at Doyoung. Doyoung shrugged before walking towards where the others went.

“Since you are Asahi's boyfriend can we hang out at your house today?” Junkyu places his elbow on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Kind of getting to know our brother-in-law.” Jeongwoo added.

Silence. That is what Jihoon is yearning for, his world keeps getting louder with Asahi's friend taunting him about his feelings. Today, he wants to go home peacefully.

“I'm also curious about your house that used to be a haunted house in this town because no one lived there for years.” Junghwan stood beside Jeongwoo.

“What are you talking about? I saw a lady coming out of that house once.”

The four of them look at Asahi. Junghwan tries to find clues in his face if he was kidding but Asahi was serious.

“A ghost?” Jeongwoo's eyes widened.

Jihoon threw a quick glance at Junkyu who held the hem of his uniform.

“I don't think so.” Asahi said with confidence.

Asahi saw that lady clearly. The way she wears is too extravagant to be considered a ghost. Was he hallucinating? Junghwan used to scare him that the house in front of them is haunted because he was often alone in their house.

“You can't come.” Jihoon pulled away Junkyu's hand.

“Why?” Jeongwoo looks disappointed.

After hearing Asahi's story, his curiosity reached a peak. Jihoon doesn't want to bring them home because they'll witness the fights between his parents. Afraid to distance themselves after learning his family is on the verge of getting broke. Afterall, this is a rich neighborhood.

“Just hangout at Asahi.” Jihoon suggested.

Jeongwoo watches Jihoon walking ahead. Going to Doyoung to complain about what happened, Doyoung reminds him to respect Jihoon’s decision.

Doyoung giving lectures about respectful boundaries didn't reach Junkyu's ears as he was already making plans inside his head.

They decided to hang out at Asahi's. Finally meeting the kitten called Cotton. Doyoung and Asahi doing their homework, Jeongwoo and Junghwan talking about soccer makes Junkyu yawn out of boredom.

“Guys, do you want fried chicken?”

Junkyu asked while looking outside the window. He assumed the woman pulling in the garage in front of them is Jihoon's mom.

“Are you paying?” Junghwan teased.

“Of course.” Junkyu smirked.

The four looked at each other with inaudible gasps. Junkyu is known to be stingy with money and hearing him say that is a miracle.

“Junkyu, are you sick?”

Junkyu hurriedly pulled the curtain, hiding the view from Jeongwoo.

“Jeongwoo, I think Doyoung will play now.”

Jeongwoo saw Doyoung cleaning his eyeglass with his books close so he happily went to ask him to play a round of League of Legends.

Junkyu kept his eyes at the wall clock, impatiently waiting for the fried chicken to arrive. Leaving his friends in the living room, navigating his way in the house like he lives there. Junkyu noticed Cotton following him so he carried him to stop Cotton from making a sound.

Entering the storage room and grabbing the stack of party hats. Junkyu meets Asahi who is finding him suspicious as he closes the door of the storage room. Cotton wiggles in Junkyu's arm as Asahi reaches out to carry him.

“What are you doing?” Asahi asked, looking at the party hats.

“Hey! The fried chicken is here. You aren't hiding, are you?” They heard Junghwan yelled.

Junkyu gave Asahi a cheeky smile before going back to where their friends were.

“Doyoung stop, Junkyu said he's paying!” Jeongwoo emphasizes Junkyu's name.

They look excited watching Junkyu pay for the delivery but Asahi remains suspicious of what he is trying to pull. They quickly went back to their places after seeing Junkyu coming back.

“Let’s go.” Junkyu said as he placed one of the party hats on his head.

“Where?” Doyoung asked, confused.

Junkyu motioned them to put on the party hat. Jeongwoo hurriedly grabbed one before following Junkyu outside. Asahi bid Cotton a promise to come home as soon as possible.

“What are you doing?” Asahi blocks Junkyu as he was heading towards Jihoon’s house.

“Chill Asahi. I'm not gonna harm your boyfriend.” Junkyu slightly pushed Asahi away.

“Doyoung-” Asahi helplessly looks at Doyoung.

Before Doyoung could stop Junkyu they all heard the doorbell sound resonating. A woman's voice answered.

“Hello Mrs. Park, we are friends with Jihoon and today was my birthday.”

Junkyu introduces pulling down the hood of his pink jacket, fixing the party hat he is wearing. Junghwan nudges Jeongwoo asking if he forgot that today is Junkyu's birthday. Doyoung chuckled softly, loving the cheeky plan unveiling in front of him. Asahi threw him a look then Doyoung cleared his throat.

“Jihoon said he couldn't come so I thought we would bring the party to him because I really like Jihoon to be at my party.”

On the other side of the camera, Jihoon froze hearing Junkyu's voice. His mother looked surprised upon seeing Jihoon standing behind her, not hearing his footsteps approaching her.

Asking if the lad with a grin on his face is really his friend. Jihoon hurriedly went out to tell them again that his house is not ready to welcome them.

Junkyu smiled widely as soon as Jihoon opened the gate. He didn't miss a chance to enter before Jihoon could complain.

“Is it really your birthday today?” Junghwan shyly asked Junkyu.

“No, I am really curious about this house so I'll invite myself in.” Junkyu's eyes glistening as he answers Junghwan.

Junghwan felt relieved after hearing Junkyu. He really thought he remembered his birthday incorrectly.

Jihoon argued with Junkyu before coming to the conclusion that they are only allowed outside the house. Junkyu nodded and led the others to the patio.

“Let’s eat this before it gets cold.” Junkyu announced.

“Sorry, I couldn't stop them.” Asahi said to Jihoon.

“Asahi, Jihoon stop flirting with each other and come eat.” Junkyu nagged.

“I told you we are friends!” Asahi yelled back.

“Okay, okay whatever you say.”

Junkyu dismissing what Asahi said earned a laugh from the other three. Jihoon closes his eyes firmly, hearing their voices starting to fill their house.

Junkyu leads the party, hosting a game and making up prizes for them to participate. Junghwan pulled Asahi to play with them. Asahi rejects the offer by throwing Junghwan's taekwondo belt away.

Jihoon felt dizzy watching them, they are in the same space but they are doing their own thing. Junkyu's voice dominates as he complains that no one is listening to him. He wants to go back inside and so he did.

Doyoung saw him carrying a tray of other snacks that Mrs. Park prepared. He approached him and Jihoon thanked him for offering to help.

“Jihoon, can I ask you something?” Jihoon hummed giving Doyoung some to carry.

“Do you like Asahi? Not like a friend but someone special?”

Jihoon met Doyoung's eyes. Doyoung adjusted his glasses, waiting for Jihoon to answer him.

“I like him. He makes everything around him sparkle.” Jihoon confessed as he turned red.

“Asahi is not pretty, he always smiles, laughs, and is easy going but he is complicated.” Doyoung glanced at Asahi who is having fun teasing Junghwan.

“If you like him because he is bright then you must learn to love the rain that follows him.”

Asahi is easily surrounded by people because of his bright personality but growing up Doyoung knows his friend like the back of his hand. Asahi wouldn't utter words but Doyoung simply just knows and Asahi is thankful that Doyoung understands him even without telling him things.

“Asahi likes you very much, I can see that. Asahi can be honest with himself when he's with you.”

Doyoung ponders that day after seeing Asahi riding the bicycle that Mr. Hamada recently bought.

“I figured out about him not knowing how to ride his bicycle. I was waiting for him to tell everyone but he is embarrassed by that side of him.”

Jihoon hears how much Doyoung cares for Asahi. Doyoung acts like an older brother who teases his younger brother but gets mad if others tease him.

“Since we were kids, I let him ride with me. I like that he depends on me because I feel like I have a younger brother but I guess I was only thinking about myself.”

Doyoung chuckled lightly. Breaking eye contact with Jihoon as he tells him about his feelings for Asahi. Disappointed for being selfish and not doing anything to help Asahi.

“So if something would happen, can I trust you with him?”

His eyes are starting to get moist as Jihoon looks at them. Doyoung blaming himself shows how much he cared for the boy whom he grew up with.

“Don’t say things like that but you can trust me.”

Jihoon gave a smile. Having a deep talk like Doyoung is giving away his daughter to marriage.

“I still can not trust you fully, you have to beat me first.”

Junghwan butt in their conversation after hearing only the last sentence Jihoon uttered.

“Beat you in what?” Asahi asked Junghwan.

“Soccer.” Junghwan proudly declared.

“Hey, isn't that unfair? I don't think Jihoon can play soccer.” Asahi protested.

“It’s because you keep missing PE class, Jihoon definitely knows how to play and he is good at it.” Junkyu said, grabbing a cookie from the tray Jihoon was holding.

“Are you playing one on one?” Jeongwoo asked after taking a bite from the cookie Junkyu was holding.

“No, I'm gonna play with my team.” Junghwan answered, crossing his arms.

“Your team? With Jaehyuk?” Doyoung confirmed.

“Of course.” Proud was oozing out from Junghwan.

Jaehyuk is popular for being the ace of their school soccer team and for listening well to Junghwan, whom no one can believe is the team captain because of his personality.

“I don't have a team.” Jihoon said, hinting he doesn't want to play.

He doesn't want to ride with whatever Junghwan's planning. Having to deal with Junkyu's plan today is already a headache. He likes Asahi but has no plans to confess, he wants to stay friends for as long as possible. Still, he needs to get along with Asahi's friend so that he can see Cotton without waiting for the weekend.

“Don’t worry, I'll play with you.” Asahi pats Jihoon's shoulder.

“Since Jeongwoo is teammates with Junghwan, Doyoung and Junkyu will you join our team?” Asahi convinces his friends.

“I'll pass, I haven't seen you play in years and I hate losing.”

Junkyu took the tray from Jihoon, enjoying each snack laid out.

“Are you saying we are gonna lose?”

Asahi puffs air, snatching the snack that Junkyu picked up. Munching it aggressively, upset that Junkyu already picked a side.

“No, what I mean is…”

Junkyu finally can breath after Asahi's mood lightened up hearing Doyoung.

“I'll join your team, Jihoon.” Doyoung said.

“Then let's meet this weekend after my taekwondo class.” Junghwan said.

“Skip it! You'll be too tired to run around.” Jeongwoo retorted.

“I can't!” Junghwan said in frustration.

His coach who happens to be his uncle would definitely tell his father that he didn't attend. Sucks to be part of a sport-oriented family.

“Do what you like then.” Jeongwoo groaned.

“Why do you sound upset?” Junghwan pointed out.

“Ooooh I think Jeongwoo is worried about Junghwan.” Junkyu found a reason to tease his friend.

“Of course, he's my friend and I don’t want to lose to Jihoon.” Jeongwoo explained.

“I don't think it's because he's your friend.”

Junkyu replied as if he didn't hear the other things he said.

“Jeongwoo you have a crush on Hwan? When? How? I mean what!” Asahi joined in teasing Jeongwoo.

“I am not!” Jeongwoo screamed so that they could hear him.

“What’s wrong with me?” Junghwan asked seriously after seeing Jeongwoo's disgusted expression.

They chuckled in unison upon hearing how serious Junghwan was while Jeongwoo avoided him.

The noise outside made Jihoon’s mother curious. Watching her son laugh with his friends is a sight she wants to snap a picture of.

“It’s good.” She muttered after clicking a photo.

“What’s good?” Jihoon's father appeared with a tray in his hand.

“Hearing Jihoon laugh.” She replied.

“Should I deliver this?” He asked before checking what his wife was looking at.

“Later.” She said

It was the first time Jihoon brought home friends since they moved away from Busan. The first time his mother heard such a joyous laugh from his son, realizing how much she was centered in dealing with their debt and not noticing how Jihoon became distant with them.

After that day, they now casually hang out at Jihoon's house with Junghwan playfully edging Jihoon with every chance he gets. Jihoon noticed how his mother's voice softened, even responding to his father’s joke with a genuine laugh. A dinner table that no longer has a cold dish.

The debt is still a prominent problem in their house but bringing his friends home somehow made things inside the house better. He wonders how long it will last.

Jihoon was lost in the thought of the friendly match between him and Junghwan. He is also curious about Junkyu's words about Asahi playing soccer. Jihoon pulled his blanket closer to his chest, smiling as Asahi flashes in his eyes. Did the sun finally rise inside their house?

Chapter Text

Rain poured hard as tears ran down from Asahi's eyes. Lungs worked harder to let him breathe, legs almost giving out from running until he saw the darkness inside the house reflected by the emptiness at Jihoon's window.

Asahi shook his head sideways, denying reality. Hands turning into a fist, banging the gate, calling out his name repeatedly.

He screams his name, wishing for his voice to be heard despite the noise coming from the rain.

“Park Jihoon!” Asahi called out.

“Jihoon!” He called out louder.

Asahi plops down on the wet ground, voice trembling. Finally, feeling the coldness that surrounds him.

“Come out, Doyoung…” He hugged his knees closer to his chest.

“Jihoon, come out.” Asahi softly uttered while looking up at the sky crying with him.

“I need you here.” Asahi hugged himself, clothes soaked.

“Where are you?” He asked as the tears trickled down towards his lips.

“Park Jihoon.” Asahi whispered after tasting the saltiness of his tears.

The rain poured harder as Asahi cried, calling out the only person who he can think of that will stand beside him.

An umbrella fell down from a woman's hand after seeing the boy crying outside the house. She can hear her heart breaking into a million pieces upon the state he was in.

“Asahi!” She called out, letting the rain shower her.

Asahi looked up to see his mother, her eyes moist. Is his mother crying? He couldn't differentiate if it was raindrops or tears that he saw in his mother's eyes.

“My baby, mom is very sorry.”

She said while hugging her son in her arms. The boy who always smiled brightly at her is crying desperately in the rain. The boy who grew up showing less emotion is shaking in her arms. She should have listened to his pleas.

“Shhhh, stop crying.” She rubbed her son's back.

Asahi gasped as he opened his eyes. Wiping the tears from his eyes. He pulled his pillow closer to him, hugging it while his brain recalled the scene.

He's still having dreams about it. The past will never be forgotten, he can bury all of it but it will continue to appear whether in his dreams or in reality. He can run as much as he can, disappearing if he must but he can never escape it, it will continue to hunt him. Forever.

He stood up from his bed. Walking languish towards his bathroom. He washes his face with the water running from the faucet.

“Who are you?” He uttered while looking at the person in the mirror.

His life is boring but he can not end this cycle because of someone. Someone who begged him with their knees on the ground, tears bleeding from their eyes for him to stop hurting himself.

“Oh you woke up?” His mother greeted while he entered the kitchen.

He nodded, heading straight at the refrigerator to grab bottled water. He can't forget the way his mother looked like that day, the way she blamed herself, throwing away the career she built just to stay with him.

The way her hand felt while trying to keep his heart beating. How he heard her desperate prayers.

”Just one more chance and I will never leave his side.”

The prayer she whispered every day. Asahi is tired of reliving the past every time he closes his eyes, pretending to have moved on is not his forte.

“Breakfast is almost ready.” She said after grabbing a plate.

“I'll be going to the grocery later, do you want to come with me?” She turned around to Asahi.

“Father?” He asked while looking around the house.

“Oh, he'll be home later. There was a patient who needed to be operated on.” She gave him a smile.

“I have something to tell the both of you.” He said, lowering his head.

She hummed in response. She already had an idea what he could want to tell them. Asahi had tried his best to continue living, continuing the dream he had started, making friends, and grieving for the people he lost.

She isn't afraid to hear what Asahi will say, she is more scared to learn that the house in front of them is no longer empty. The person that made the sunshine turn into rain is back. She's not blaming him because she knows that she is at fault too. She doesn't want her son to go through it again.

Will Asahi crumble down again? Will his heart break again? Will his soul leave him again?

“Mom?” Asahi called out.

“Oh? Did you say something?” She said turning off the stove.

“I said, I'll come with you.” He answered.

“Let’s eat.” She smiled while giving Asahi a bowl of rice.

Asahi stared at the worn-out thread bracelet on his wrist. Time can be seen in them, barely hanging and anytime can break free from his wrist.

A commotion from the outside made him push the curtains enough for him to see what's happening.

He saw his father's car, pulling inside the garage but the noise wasn't coming from it but at the house in front.

“Hyunsuk-hyung!”

His eyes smiled the way his lips did. Jihoon greeted his cousin with a tight hug, pleased to see him.

“I told you to eat more when I last visited you.”

He was greeted back with a nag. Jihoon chuckled while rubbing his chest, happiness is evident on his face.

“I never skip a meal.” He said.

“Can you see this?” He flexed his arms.

“There’s nothing, come on let's just go inside.” Hyunsuk patted Jihoon’s head while dragging his suitcase with him.

“Are you feeling okay that you are back in Korea?” He asked.

Is he here for a vacation? Where are his parents? When did he come back? Asahi had so many questions inside his head.

“Asahi?” Asahi hurriedly moved away from the window.

“What are you looking at?” His mother smiled.

“Father has arrived.” Asahi responded.

Her mother nodded, why did he lie? He wasn't watching his father’s car entering the garage, he was looking at Jihoon.

“We should go to the grocery store.” His mother said.

“I'll be down soon.” He replied and so his mother closed the door.

Asahi pushes the cart while his mother places the items. It's a miracle that he hasn't seen anyone from his youth since he got out of the house.

“Ah wait, I think I'll get the other one.” His mom said while picking up one of the items inside the cart.

“Wait for me here.” Asahi nodded.

His interest was caught upon seeing the model of the yoghurt drink. The said model still got the features he had during his teens despite his age. Seeing him smile widely with the yoghurt drink made Asahi stare at the image longer.

“It’s my first time seeing you here, are you a tourist?”

The lady was wearing a uniform of the grocery store so Asahi assumes she works in the grocery store.

“Tourists are increasing in number when this drink is featured on TV.”

She picks up one pack and starts talking Asahi into buying the said product.

“Do you know So Junghwan, the athlete?”

Asahi smiled upon hearing such a familiar name but eventually faded from his face. Actually, Junghwan tried his best to keep in contact with him.

Junghwan sent him messages through messenger telling him how everyone is doing or asking how Asahi day went. When Asahi deactivated all his socials, Junghwan cleverly used his email to keep talking to him. However, Asahi feels guilty about what happened so he never replied to any of his messages and never dared to check any new ones he sent.

“He promoted it.” The lady gladly said.

“Really? So what flavor should I try?” Asahi asked.

“This one. Junghwan like this flavor, are you his fan-”

Asahi saw his reflection in the other person's eye shattering. The person who had a chirpy voice couldn't open his mouth, frozen in his place while staring at him.

“Junkyu.” Asahi uttered awkwardly.

Junkyu looked away and put down the drink he was recommending earlier. Junkyu was so happy upon hearing Junghwan's name and meeting someone who loves him so he can't help but to entertain. He wasn't expecting to see him here, he had no idea Asahi had returned.

“Oh Teacher Kim! Did Yena come to class today?” Asahi turns to the lady.

“Ah Yena… I saw her today.” Junkyu gave the lady a smile.

“Thank goodness, that kid is stressing me out.” The lady muttered to herself.

“You see, Teacher Kim has been friends with So Junghwan since they were kids.” The lady introduced Asahi to Junkyu.

Asahi knows too well because he has been friends with them since they were kids. He can't say they naturally drifted apart but he was forced to keep his distance from them.

“Mrs. Lee, I'll get going first.” Junkyu said before pushing his cart.

“So what are you getting?” The lady asked Asahi.

“We'll try them all.” Asahi's mother answered instead.

She probably saw what had happened and it may sound selfish but she'll do anything to protect her child. She doesn't want to see him suffering again.

Later that night while having dinner, Asahi finally confessed his plan.

“I'm quitting my residency. I no longer want to pursue being a doctor.”

He looked at his parents’ surprised reaction. His mother and father exchanged a look before his mother put down her chopstick.

“What will you do instead?” His mom softly asked.

“I don't know.” Asahi replied.

“That’s fine, take your time I'm sure you'll find one soon.” His mom consoles him.

That year when Asahi regained his strength to talk, he said that he wanted to continue his pre-med so his parents were so happy that he found a purpose again. Hearing him quitting makes them fear for the future.

“Do you want to come with me to work?” His father asked after wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Honey, he just said he is quitting.” His mom softly squeezes her husband's hand.

“The cafe is still there. Do you want to visit it?”

In the hospital where his father and mother used to work, there is a cafe that serves one of the tastiest chocolate drinks. It is a place where he waits for them before getting off work. It was also a place where he shared many memories with Doyoung.

“Give me a call, we can hang out there.” His dad added.

“Your mom needs her alone time.” He teased his wife.

“I'll see.” Asahi gave them a smile.

-

Asahi walks down the familiar hallway of the hospital. Do you know there is something mellow in hospitals? It gets quiet and it makes your mind think of things once buried, decisions once pushed behind.

And right now, Asahi came face to face with that decision. Should he take a step forward or run away? Should he hug him tight or should he push him away?

“Asahi?” Jihoon called.

He misses his voice, he misses him so much that he wants to let out all the tears piled up in his eyes. He wants to tell him he is happy to see him but Asahi's heart aches watching Jihoon taking steps toward him.

“Asahi wait!”

Jihoon picked up his pace as soon as he saw Asahi turn his back at him before running. The look on his face, Asahi looked like he saw a ghost. Turning pale and trembling from seeing him.

“Jihoon, stop running!”

Jihoon's eyes wander around the lobby, looking for any signs where Asahi went. Hyunsuk gasped for air after catching up with Jihoon. He was tasked to look after his cousin after all, he can't risk seeing him going all through that again.

“I think he hates me.” He said while looking down.

“Who?” Hyunsuk looked around.

“The sun.” Jihoon muttered in English.

“What nonsense are you saying?”

Hyunsuk scratches his head after hearing Jihoon. He looked at the sunlight creaking through the glass window of the hospital. Jihoon had just finished undergoing a therapy to monitor his heart so is he still groggy?

“Is that a new side effect of the session or are you still experiencing jetlag?” Hyunsuk asked, grasping the situation.

Jihoon is assuming that Asahi is avoiding him. When he arrived, he saw the changes in the town- the snack shop is no longer there and as if the friends he came to know also left.

The friends who always surrounded him, he hadn't seen them except for Asahi. Why is Asahi running from him? Right, why is he expecting a warm welcome when he left without saying goodbye to any of them.

Is it the right decision to come back? Is he only thinking of himself? What happened when he was gone?

Chapter Text

Letting go of that one thing you held tightly, is it courage or cowardness? When Asahi told his parents that he won't continue the journey of being a doctor, it is more of being honest.

How can he make others smile from being free of pain when he could no longer look at the mirror? Asahi stared at the person in the mirror, someone with sunken eyes and pale skin looked back at him.

A person who used to smile easily had forgotten how to smile. He opened the faucet as water rushed out, Asahi aggressively washed his face.

“Where are you? Where did you go, Asahi?”

Asahi mumbled hopelessly after clearing the fog on the mirror. He fumbles with anxiety as he opens the medicine cabinet, forcing a pill through his throat to calm himself.

It has been a while since he needed the pill to escape from those thoughts. Should he go back to Japan? No, he wants to enjoy his mother's homemade meal and hears his father’s voice for as long as he can.

Asahi held onto the edge of the table after tripping with the box on the ground. It was a package from Yoshi. He recalled how heavy it was that he had a hard time carrying it inside his room.

With water still dripping from his hair, he brought the box on his desk. Asahi noticed the faded stickers he put on as he got bored studying when he was in high school.

He searches his room for an object to help him open the seal. Asahi let out a sigh before using the ballpen he found on the desk. Stabbing through the tape, Asahi fell back to the chair after seeing what's inside the box.

It was his books from med school. It was like the dream he chased is chasing him back. He was sure he threw them out before leaving his apartment in Japan.

“Yoshi, you are incredible.” Asahi smiled as he closed the box.

His phone buzzes while he shoves the box under his bed. Yoshi had been calling him nonstop since the day he left but he had been ignoring his calls, he wasn't ready to hear his chatty voice.

He and Haruto talk sometimes, for him just to check on how Yoshi is doing. Asahi worries that Yoshi might be still blaming himself. He grabs a fistful of his hair before accepting the call from Haruto. Well, to Yoshi and Haruto they only knew about him taking time off and what's bugging Asahi is that Haruto does not show it but his face tells him he wants him back in Japan.

“Yoshi?” Asahi was surprised to see him on the screen.

“I knew it!” Yoshi said in disbelief.

“You answer Haruto's call and never mine.” Asahi smiles upon seeing Yoshi being dramatic.

“I am so upset with you! You didn't say goodbye properly.” Yoshi whined.

“I told you.” Asahi replied.

“Well, you told me about taking time off and not about your flight.”

Yoshi acts like a clingy younger brother. Complaining like his brother left him to go on a trip to the mall. Asahi is glad to see him acting what he usually does.

“I went to your apartment after that day to ask you when are you going back to Korea but there were boxes outside.”

So that's how Yoshi found those books. Asahi opened the window to let the air in as he sat on the chair he used to sit on studying late at night.

“How could you throw away those books that cost more than our allowance?” Yoshi said, causing Asahi to recall their days in med school.

Haruto used to tease Yoshi with his iPad that contains the soft copy of those books until Yoshi bought one for himself. Asahi preferred the hard copies because he enjoyed seeing how far he had gone through the book.

“You could have donated it to the med students and that's what makes me suspicious.” Yoshi suddenly entered somewhere dark.

“You aren't just taking time off, right?”

Asahi went silent upon hearing Yoshi's deduction. Why is he hesitating to tell them the truth? Is he afraid of disappointing them for not keeping the promise they swore?

“Yoshi, where are you?” Yoshi signaled Asahi to not say a word.

“Kanemoto, give back my phone.” Desperation can be heard from Haruto's voice.

“I'm tired, I wanna go home. Please come out.” Haruto pleaded.

“Yoshi?” Haruto called out.

“Suit yourself then I'm going home, I need my sleep.”

Just as Haruto is about to give up playing with Yoshi's prank, Asahi gives Yoshi a grin.

“Watanabe!” Asahi shouted.

Light entered the background while Yoshi glared at Asahi. Asahi chuckled upon seeing Haruto's confused face.

“Asahi?” Haruto looked at the screen.

Yoshi was hiding in the locker. Before he could run away, Haruto swiftly grabbed his phone back.

“Asahi one last thing, I figured out your address in Korea so expect your books to arrive- ah I think they might have arrived by now.” Yoshi spoke fast as Haruto moved away from him.

“Go, the interns are looking for you.” Haruto pushes Yoshi out of their residence’s lounge.

The night sky is supposed to be dark with no single star nor the moon in sight but in Jihoon’s eyes there is a tiny star sparkling faintly.

Jihoon was going up the stairs when Asahi came into view as he opened his window. He doesn't know what he is looking at his phone but he was smiling for a long time.

“Smile. I hope you keep smiling for a long time.” Jihoon whispered.

Words kept secret between him and the wind. Everyone has moved on with the time, if in those times Asahi had forgotten about him. Asahi can resent him for leaving without saying goodbye and even if he is no longer the reason for his smile, he wishes for him to keep smiling. To never lose the glow that surrounds him, he hopes for the light to never burn out.

“Why are you talking to yourself again?”

Jihoon glanced at Hyunsuk who was coming up the stairs. Hands full of what he calls emergency tools and that emergency is named Park Jihoon.

“Have you gone mad? I think the therapy should not be done only for your heart but with your brain too.” Hyunsuk said while examining his cousin.

Hyunsuk used to work in a clinic as a nurse. Choosing a nine to five job to enjoy weekends but he quit as soon as he heard that Jihoon needs someone to accompany him since he'll be back in Korea.

He remembers how his aunt and uncle were finalizing their divorce when Jihoon suddenly fell ill. Jihoon tells him how the universe granted his wish to keep his family together after seeing him for the first time at the hospital six years ago.

“Jihoon! You pervert are you looking at that person?” Hyunsuk follows where Jihoon’s eyes are fixated.

“What?” Jihoon shoves Hyunsuk away as he already got close to his face.

“Wait, he looks familiar.” Hyunsuk purses his lips after seeing the man outside.

“Where did I see him?” Hyunsuk hummed in deep thought.

“Stop thinking about it and just go to sleep.” Jihoon said, taking a glance at Asahi before he continued going up the stairs.

“Ah!” He was startled when Hyunsuk yelled in eureka.

“How could I forget! The person who has a beautiful smile!” Hyunsuk excitedly announced going down the stairs and back up.

“Oh, it is really him!”

Jihoon watched Hyunsuk compare the picture frame with Asahi. It was their group photo taken at the beach. Hyunsuk always noticed Asahi in that photo whenever he passed by it because of his smile. He recalled it to be warm and light like the sunlight.

“Yah! Jihoon do you think that man can fix your heart?” Hyunsuk went towards Jihoon.

“I'm going to sleep.” Jihoon said softly.

“Hear me out! You have this rare condition of your heart racing faster whenever you feel an emotion.” Hyunsuk followed him inside his room.

“Sad or happy, it happens as if your heart is saying you should feel numb and be a robot but you know what they say, when you are in love everything turns into a slow motion.”

It is an odd disease. The doctor always reminds him to stay calm, control himself and shrug it off. They believe that there is a problem with his hypothalamus that increases the production of epinephrine, making his heart race and causing him recurring migraines. Drugs and even surgery was done yet, they can't understand how his body kept on producing the said hormone. Specialists believe that they should explore his DNA for possible mishap of replication or they may have missed a tumor in his adrenal glands.

For now, he is trying every option that the doctors suggested. His body couldn't even gladly accept a pacemaker so Jihoon decided that if one day his heart decided to beat faster than it is right now, he wants to see a glimpse of the person who pulled him out of death once. Even when he is at rest or when he is sleeping he needs constant monitoring. He is tired of trying to feel nothing that he used to avoid thinking about Asahi. However, the more he does- the more he misses him.

“Maybe your first and only love can slow down your heart and find its normal rhythm again?” Hyunsuk tells Jihoon his idea.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Jihoon turns his back at Hyunsuk, pretending to sleep.

He heard Hyunsuk sighed before closing the door behind him. Jihoon held onto his blanket tight, pulling in closer to his chest.

“Hyung.” Jihoon mumbles, letting the tears trickle down on his cheeks.

“Asahi makes me happy so my heart would probably explode out of my chest.” Jihoon let out a light chuckle while staring at the windows of his room.

”Park Jihoon”

Jihoon smiles unconsciously as he hears Asahi calling him. His eyes fluttered open as he saw Hyunsuk sleeping soundly on the couch in his room.

He walked out of the room, heading towards the bathroom downstairs. Trying his best to not wake up his cousin.

He needed to take his medicine soon so he checked the refrigerator for something that he can make for breakfast. He whipped something up with the ingredients available and decided to take the trash out after.

A car was parked outside and Jihoon hid as soon as he saw Asahi coming out of the house.

“You said you stayed up all night, you don't have to pick me up.”

Asahi said softly, holding what seems to be a bag of packed food. The other man has a tone built, visible from the suit he was wearing. Jihoon assumed the man is someone rich from the watch he's wearing and the model of his car.

“Just doing my good son duty and because I miss you.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened upon hearing the playful tone coming from the said man. He slowly peek his head out on the gate.

“Yoon Jaehyuk, I have no energy in the morning.” Asahi complained, motioning Jaehyuk to move away.

“Get in, I'll drive safe and slow.” Jaehyuk opened the door of the passenger's seat.

Asahi was dressed up nicely and he willingly entered Jaehyuk’s car. With the packed food, are they going on a picnic? But who wears a suit during a picnic?

Jihoon had his eyes on the car as it disappeared from his view. He held onto the trash bag tightly, feeling his heart crumpling like paper.

“Park Jihoon.”

Jihoon slowly turned his head to the direction of the voice.

“Jeongwoo?” He called.

“Found you.” Jeongwoo jumped in front of him, smiling widely.

“Why did you only appear now?” He pouted after taking a look at Jihoon.

“Sorry, there was a situation.” Jihoon replied as he backed away, shy from Jeongwoo getting close to him.

“I know.”

Jihoon was surprised at Jeongwoo's answer. How did he know about his condition? He only visited the hospital one time since his arrival. Is he watching him? Is he a detective now? But Jeongwoo said he wanted to be a film director.

“You know?” Jihoon stutters.

“I heard that your father failed his business but hey look his business is thriving now.”

Jihoon bowed his head. Feeling relieved that Jeongwoo hasn't found out. After his father filed for bankruptcy, he started a small photography business while they were abroad. A celebrity found it then it went viral, now his parents are busy getting offers from high-end companies and other celebrities.

“Good for you.” Jeongwoo gave Jihoon a pat on the shoulder.

“Are you here to see Asahi too?” Jeongwoo glanced at the house in front of them.

“You can say that.” Jihoon replied while placing the trash bag down.

“But Jihoon, you are too late.” Jeongwoo said while looking at him.

“Asahi will no longer be chasing you around and calling out for your name or even mine.”

Jeongwoo kicked a pebble lightly. Jihoon is even more curious about what has happened to his friends since he left. They looked inseparable before, how come Jeongwoo looks nervous getting close to Asahi.

Jeongwoo even had to hide the moment Asahi came out of the house. Checking out Yoshi's insta account just to get an update of his friend upon stumbling upon a picture he was in.

“You and I can only watch from afar.” Jeongwoo said softly, keeping his eye on the pebble.

“I'm glad to see you, I'll go back to work now.” Jeongwoo gave Jihoon a smile.

Does he resent Jihoon? He surely does and a lot. He had a hard time watching his close friend almost losing himself but he can't blame Jihoon for it. Jihoon probably has his reason. He admits it, he rushed back in town when he read Junkyu's message that Asahi is back but he was more surprised with the message he sent after.

Jihoon is also back. It would have been better if this was a reunion where they can greet and laugh at each other like they were in high school. Jeongwoo didn't side with anyone when the accident happened, he just stayed with the person who he thought needed him the most.

It was a hard decision for him to do that since Junkyu and Asahi are both his friends. Still, he is glad that Jihoon is back. Asahi can stop yearning for him.

“Is Yoon Jaehyuk-” Jihoon trails with his sentence.

“Are you curious if they are dating? I don't know.” Jeongwoo shrugged.

Jeongwoo thinks Asahi is dating the handsome Japanese guy who always stood beside him in every picture he saw on that account.

He turned his back at Jihoon who was pondering about his conversation with Jeongwoo. Was he really too late?

Chapter Text

Dreams. Aspirations. Goals. Reasons. What could be the true essence of living? Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Asahi has no drive to seek out more about the world, he wants to remain in a box and repeatedly consume the same dish on a plate.

Asahi stood still watching the sky slowly changing into color. Purple-pink skies with a splash of orange dances in his eyes. The smell of bleach and alcohol delivered by the air to his nose, Asahi turned around as he heard the door of the bathroom unlock.

“Dear, you don't have to spend the entire day here.”

The lady, feeling every pain in her bones, walks slowly out of the bathroom. Asahi rushes to assist her back into the bed.

“Don’t worry about it Mrs. Yoon, Jaehyuk needs to sleep the hours he missed.”

The mist of the humidifier beside Jaehyuk blew a soft sound. Asahi and Mrs. Yoon took a glance at Jaehyuk who had his shirt wrinkled from sleeping on the couch.

Honestly, Asahi wouldn't even imagine that he and Jaehyuk will become this close. They used to buttheads all the time, competing any chance they got.

Not until, he saw Jaehyuk while doing his internship when he was in Japan. He appeared in front of him like a wet paper bag. Bursted out crying alone, hiding in the corner as he takes it all in that his mother is going through the same thing again.

“Would you walk me to the garden?”

Asahi took away his eyes from Jaehyuk and helped Mrs. Yoon get into the wheelchair. Seasonal flowers are in bloom, swaying together with the wind. Asahi glanced at the lady who had the biggest smile on her face.

He found her amazing. She was the only person he saw who smiled after hearing her cancer relapse.

“I truly believe that you are my child in my past life.”

She held Asahi's hand, giving it a soft squeeze. Mrs. Yoon is one of his mother's patients, whom he found in this garden when he was eight.

Offering his candies to her and staying next to her waiting to hear her stories. He came to adore her views of life, that the world has countless stars residing in it. That's truly amazing in the eyes of a child but as he grows older he realizes that the world doesn't grow brightly like he hears about.

Asahi slides his fingers on the books that are neatly displayed in his father’s office. He hums as he pops a candy in his mouth while looking at the heart dummy on the desk.

His father’s office always piques his interest. He glanced at the calendar and nodded his head after seeing his father have a surgery today. He opened his father’s drawer and grabbed the box of ankle protectors. Asahi wrote on the post-it before carrying the soccer ball from the floor.

He took a turn and grabbed a handful of the candies. Walking down the hallway, walls that are made of glass which the sun rays easily enter accompany Asahi.

Asahi retraced his step as the lady standing at the garden looked familiar. Her pain was visible on her body as she tried to feel the wind passing by.

“Oh! Pretty eomoni!” Asahi greeted with glee.

The lady turned her head in his direction, and Asahi waved at her. She felt like she saw rainbows and flowers blooming around him as he smiled widely at her. Aphrodite would be jealous if she saw how beautiful he is. This sixteen year old boy who had the least idea that he found the tiny flame of hope inside her.

“Hello Asahi.” She smiled back.

“I haven't seen you in a while. I thought you already won.” Asahi scans the friend he hasn't seen in years.

“Won?” She asked in confusion.

“You told me before that you are fighting a vicious monster.” Asahi guided her to take a seat under the shade.

“You still remember that? You were just a child back then.” She laughed lightly.

“I haven't won yet.” She said while examining her own skin.

She thought her condition improved since she didn't need to be admitted. However, this time she had no choice.

“Do you still wander around the hospital?” She shifted the subject.

“Sometimes when I miss my dad.” Asahi replied, eyes twinkling.

“My pea should learn how to smile like you.” She said.

The greatest pain she can not endure was seeing her children suffer while looking at her. At a young age their eyes were opened to the possibility of their mother leaving them. His husband was focused on juggling taking care of her and his company.

Her two kids had to carry the same weight with their frail bodies. They grew up to be loving but don't know how to smile because they never truly met happiness.

“Does Pea still cry when he sees you?” Asahi asked.

Her youngest son must have felt alone. Her eldest son was being raised firmly, hearing whispers about his hands having the future of their company. When they were little she tried spending time with them by solving hundred pieces of puzzle together and telling them stories before bed.

“No. He learned to hold it back and smile like this.” She demonstrated how her youngest smiled.

“I wished he never grew up.” She added.

She was diagnosed with cervical cancer a year after having her baby pea. She tried to cover his ears from the twisting fact that she got unlucky for birthing him.

“Are you still playing soccer?” She asked after noticing the ball in his hand.

“Eomoni, can you wish me luck. I'm trying to win a game so that my friend can stop glaring at the world.”

Asahi's words are incomprehensible to her as it shows how her eyebrows furrow for a second.

“I want to let him see the world you told me about.”

She really adores his eyes, if she'll ever get pregnant again. She wishes to have a daughter who looks like him.

“The world glows bright even in its darkest side, where a million- countless stars live.”

She smiled after hearing Asahi recite the phrase that was embedded in her head.

“But it was Professor Hamada who said it.” She stated.

“My mom?” Asahi was astonished.

Asahi loves cuddling with her mom when she sends her to sleep but only remembers the warmth from her hands. He rarely talked with her. Hearing that the phrase came from her made him think if the same moment exists in his memory.

“She told that to me in this very spot.”

She said recalling the scene from years ago. The time when she wanted to escape the pain and couldn't think straight. Professor Hamada found her by chance that night, she said to be looking for her son who escaped from his babysitter to visit them again.

The night sky was vast with a single star shining beside the moon. She cried the whole night, hugging her youngest in her arms. Hating herself for forgetting about the little pea who was waiting to see her.

“Sorry, I have to go.” Asahi said after taking a glance at his phone.

“I'll visit you often!” He said, giving her a candy.

Unknown to them, the conversation wasn't only shared between them. The subject of their conversation was watching them exchange smiles at each other.

Seeing this the first time as a kid made him jealous that a random kid can make her mother smile but as he grew up he came to thank that kid. At that period, he saw his mom fading away in his eyes and after meeting that kid, she suddenly smiled often at him. Eager to live again.

“Mom, you don't have to walk here alone.”

Mrs. Yoon beams with a smile upon seeing his son. Nagging her out of concern.

“Jaehyuk, I saw Asahi.” She said, caressing the candy that Asahi gave her.

“Is it because he is an offspring of talented doctors that his smile heals something inside me whenever I see him.”

Jaehyuk understands what his mom is saying. It just started with curiosity, from watching him from afar to changing school to get to know him.

Jaehyuk doesn't know how to approach him so he made Asahi look his way. Learning and loving the things he loves. Jaehyuk witnessed how he made the people around him laugh and stray away from sadness. He is the world that glows brightly like what his mom always says.

“I think he looks more cute when he pouts.” Jaehyuk muttered to himself as he recalled Asahi's face.

With Jihoon entering the picture, he wants to know him. If he is a threat, he will protect Asahi from him and if he isn't then he will let Asahi run towards him. That's why, Junghwan didn't have to persuade him into the friendly soccer match.

“Mrs. Yoon, isn't it hard? Fighting against death?” Asahi asked.

“I can endure a long battle as long as I can see my sons’ face.” She said while looking at her phone screen.

The family picture was taken during Christmas in Japan. Days before learning that the war isn't over. Letting her bask in happiness for what it feels like a minute. She thought she could finally make up for the time she was absent in his children's life.

“Although my heart aches whenever I see worry on their faces.”

Hearing Jaehyuk crying in his brother's arms. His husband's tired eyes and the snow falling as she feels her weak body on the bed.

“And their worry grew visible day by day.” She looked up at Asahi.

“Asahi, I can see life fading right before my eyes and honestly it's getting hard by day.”

They both watch in silence as the sun slowly sets. Asahi fixes the blanket that was over Mrs. Yoon, pulling it to cover her shoulder.

“When the time comes, can you hold Jaehyuk’s hand.” She stops Asahi's hand, bringing it in between her hands.

“Wipe his tears and say, it's okay your mom loves you so much that she'll be with you in every life.”

She gave Asahi's hand soft pats and Asahi can hear her breaking in between sentences. Asahi didn't say a word, how could he hug someone when he also feels the cold breeze of winter. How can Asahi fight for life like she does when everything is bleak.

After watching, Mrs. Yoon fell asleep. Jaehyuk, who had just woken up in time, decided to walk Asahi to the bus stop since he needed to attend the product launch of their company.

“Let me wait with you for the bus.” Jaehyuk said while walking alongside Asahi in the hallway.

Asahi stopped to look at him which made Jaehyuk take a step back. Jaehyuk was late to realize that he had fallen for Asahi, confused about seeing him as his mother's savior. His heart thumps rhythmically while Asahi's eyes never leave him.

“Stop looking at me, it makes my heart flutter.” Jaehyuk stated, breaking contact with Asahi's inspecting eyes.

“You did have a good sleep with your eyes being puffy.” Asahi said.

“What?” Jaehyuk said in disbelief then using his phone as a mirror.

Asahi walked away as he succeeded in teasing him. He thought Jaehyuk really needed that sleep. Jaehyuk followed him hurriedly.

“Thanks Asahi, I think I didn't thank you enough for being here and when my mom was in Japan.” Jaehyuk placed his hands in his pocket, looking straight ahead.

“It didn't really cross my mind that she is your mom.” Asahi started.

“She is too beautiful and you…” He pointed his finger at him.

Jaehyuk needs to feel something different at least, if he gets used to feeling the same thing he will get locked into it. Asahi kept teasing him so that he would not feel stuck in the same room as he is.

“Look closely.” Asahi was surprised when Jaehyuk pulled him closer to him.

Jaehyuk bent slightly to match his height, face moving close to him and his eyes scanning the features in Asahi's face.

“Am I still not good looking?” Jaehyuk asked.

This is the reason why rumors spread that they are dating aside from being the secret son of Mr. Yoon like the media branded him.

He was about to retort back when a name being called made them both look for the person who owns the name.

And there he was, standing while looking at them. Jihoon was watching them, making him frozen in place.

“Patient Park Jihoon?” The phlebotomist called him.

He was waiting for his blood to be drawn. To monitor if the drugs are still effective and he thinks the needle that was about to pierce his skin isn't sharp as the picture in front him.

He said countless times that he will be happy whoever will make Asahi keep smiling but seeing it actually happen- he doesn't think he can take it. He hates himself for having this selfish thought.

“Jihoon, they've been calling you.” Hyunsuk nudged him.

Asahi can feel his heart sinking after seeing Jihoon’s expression. Asahi has noticed it, his eyes that keep looking at him like he is a fragile kitten. He hates it, he doesn't like the feeling of Jihoon wanting to care for him.

”Don't worry, you'll always have me.”

”I won't let go so hold onto me tight.”

He held tight on the sling of the bag as his heart clenched. His chest tightening made him open his mouth, gasping for air. Blinking his eyes rapidly as his vision gets blurry. He is doing well so why…

“Asahi! Are you okay?” Jaehyuk held his shoulders.

His call made Asahi spiral back to consciousness. He looks up to see Jaehyuk carefully examining him.

“I'm fine and you don't have to accompany me to the bus stop.”

Asahi said while lightly shoving Jaehyuk’s hand from holding his shoulder. He just needs to be somewhere he feels safe.

“I'm dropping at my father's office.” He said before leaving Jaehyuk.

Asahi hurriedly knocks on the door of his father’s office. Entering the room slowly, the darkness greeted him back. Asahi found the corner he used to hide as a kid to avoid getting caught because he sneaked out from his babysitter.

Asahi hugged his knees closer to his chest. Pressing his lips together, muffled his cries. Hiding, afraid to get caught.