Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I think I- like Emu.’ Tsukasa stammered, subconsciously biting his lip.

Rui didn’t answer, not immediately, he blinked slowly and set down his tray on the table, making barely a sound. He tried his best to smile, but it felt stiff, as if his eyes weren't a part of it. Looking up, he tried to force a reaction. He really didn’t wanna be a part of this.

Tsukasa raised an eyebrow, Rui’s silence felt a little too…weird, it wasn’t anything like him…at all.

“Ah,” He finally said something, “Is that so?..” his voice, quiet and careful, as if something was swallowing him whole, he couldn’t say why, but it's a little too soft.

He didn’t know why he was upset upon hearing that sentence. He didn’t even like Tsukasa, he never did like Tsukasa. so.. why is he so disappointed? Why does his chest feel so tight..?

It really shouldn’t matter for Rui, He didn’t like Tsukasa.. Not in that way, he never did..

Right?

His fingers tightened around the ginger pork sandwich he was holding, specifically the one Tsukasa gave him, with that dumb little adorable smile, earlier that day..

Wait,

adorable?

He slowly set his sandwich down on his tray, like he didn’t have the energy to keep holding it.
Everything suddenly felt too loud. too bright. and just a little too warm around the eyes.
“Do you think I might be able to ask her out?” Tsukasa’s face turned beet red, same goes for the tip of his ears.

Rui pauses, his smile falling to a thin neutral straight line, later on forming into a frown as he gazed down at his lap. His expression was unreadable, it wasn’t really angry or sad…it was something Tsukasa couldn’t tell.

The silence that stretched between them at that moment was deafening. It felt heavy, and uncomfortable. Like, really uncomfortable. Tsukasa noticed the awkwardness in the situation and started looking away from Rui, suddenly finding the floor very interesting.
Yet Rui still said nothing, not a word, not a sound.

It was awkward, or maybe not. Maybe it is awkward for Rui? Did Rui have an argument with Emu that made him hate her? Well- no he’s too kind to Emu, what would they even have an argument about?...

Wait– did Tsukasa sound stupid?..

Was Rui laughing at Tsukasa in his head right now? but is just masking his thoughts too well? Well, if it was like that he’s doing it too well.

Tsukasa’s train of thoughts was abruptly interrupted by Rui.

“Ah- I apologize Tsukasa-kun, I need to go to the restroom.” Rui stood up and left, his steps quiet, heading towards the bathroom stalls,

Tsukasa’s eyes widened, well he certainly didn’t expect Rui to just run off like that..Their conversation was going so well.

That wasn’t supposed to happen at all..

“Wai-wait Rui!….kun..” Tsukasa reaches out, pulling back his hand away when he has realized Rui has disappeared for good, he was too late.

No footsteps, no cat-like smile, no citrus-yellow eyes, no Rui.

Tsukasa sighed and sat back, arms crossing tightly over his chest, resting his head on them. He stayed like that for a while. Not really thinking. Not really blinking either.
Just... stuck.

He wasn't even sure how long had passed. It just felt heavier by the minute.
It feels.... weird, Tsukasa expected Rui to be happy for him.. maybe advise? maybe teasing, literally anything rather than.. that.

He barely said anything at all, it was literally just two sentences.

Eventually Tsukasa got tired of waiting, it's not like watching the hallway wall's paint dry is gonna give him answers to Rui’s devastated appearance.

He should probably head back, sitting alone makes him looks like he had no friends. after all he had already finished his food and the cafeteria was almost empty by now. So Tsukasa stood up half expecting to bump into Rui on the way, but instead he spotted Nene. He smiled cheerfully, perking up, maybe Nene would know what’s up with Rui.

“Nene!!’ He yelled,

Nene suddenly flinched, she could feel her face immediately heat up to a shade of red, it looked like someone slammed a textbook onto her face; Tsukasa just quite literally yelled her name so loud the floor above could hear it,

Nene’s face seemed quite pissed off, and instead of waving or walking right up to Tsukasa, she instead started going the opposite way of where she was originally heading,

Tsukasa blinked, he always thought Nene had really bad hearing; It always took a second yell to get her attention. so he yelled louder this time, resting his hands on his hips.

“EARTH TO NENE KUSANAGI!!!”

People in the hallways snapped their heads to glare at Tsukasa and Nene,

Nene’s face was heating up horribly, this time Tsukasa really had to scream out her full name, so NOW people knew which ‘Nene’ Tsukasa was yelling at.

This time Nene had gotten enough of it and finally walked towards Tsukasa, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sighed.

“What is it, Tsukasa..?” Her jaw tightened,

“You don’t have to yell my name so loud.”

“Nene, can I tell you something? Like a secret,” Tsukasa giggled,

Nene raised an eyebrow, clearly not trusting Tsukasa at all.

“If this secret that you’re talking about is something like you dropped your mug and it shattered this morning, I’m gonna go.”

Tsukasa looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping, and it seemed like most of the people in the hallway had left. Tsukasa continues by striking a flashy pose,

“So I trust you enough not to tell anyone alright?.. This is a big secret for a star like me, if you tell anyone I might get in a scandal–”

Without Tsukasa noticing, Nene was already walking away from him mid sentence.

“Wait!! Nene!!” Tsukasa yells once again, just at a lower volume than before, putting his hands at the side of his hips.

Nene turned her head back.

“Could you hurry up, I have to go.” Out of nowhere Tsukasa started sweating and blush crept up his cheeks.

Nene sighed, crossing her arms, having a look that just screams "This is ridiculous."

“I really like– really like Emu, like.. romantically.” Tsukasa rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact.

Nene’s eyes widened in surprise. Well she clearly didn’t expect this..Literally ANYTHING but this.. She immediately shook her head, ignoring the thoughts in her mind. She stiffened,

“Wait, have you told Rui about this?” Nene questioned, her tone was firm and tense.

Tsukasa turned his head back to Nene, confused… Rui? What does he have to do with this..?

“Uh… I just did..? What’s wrong?” Tsukasa raised an eyebrow in curiosity, completely oblivious.

“Crap… ” Nene muttered, nearly facepalming.

“What did you say?”

Nene studied Tsukasa, his expression unreadable. “Nothing, and what happened?”

“I don’t know..really. He– like ran off or something? I was just about to ask you about him.” Tsukasa admitted, his voice quieter.
Nene didn’t say anything. She just looked at him for a second too long.
it made something twist in his stomach.

“Lunch is about to end. See you later, Tsukasa.” The Diva finally said, stepping back before heading to her class.

Tsukasa didn’t have the time to process what just happened, he just stared right into Nene before muttering a “bye..” barely above a whisper.

That was weird, why did Nene immediately ask about Rui?.. Tsukasa scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, well there’s clearly something up with him after all.

—⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆—

Tsukasa wandered aimlessly around his room, staring at his feet as the wooden floorboards made a small creak at every step.

Did he sound awkward..? Embarrassing? Maybe he annoyed Rui..?

Yeah he probably sounded too stupid, maybe he said too much.

But Rui looked so– nevermind forget about it.

Why didn’t Rui just tell him about what’s bothering him?

Then again, why did Nene suddenly become stiff when Tsukasa told her about Emu?

And most importantly, why did she ask about Rui!? Maybe Rui already knew about Tsukasa having a crush on Emu, that's why he looked so– ugh.

He had been pacing in his room for about like what– 20 minutes?

Tsukasa collapsed onto his bed, frustrated. He didn’t wanna see his friends sad,

Especially if it's because of something that he said, that would’ve made him a horrible star with terrible influence!

“Argh..” Tsukasa groaned, He curled deeper into a blanket, he kept replaying the moment in his head.

His eyes landed on a shelf. A dumb origami phoenix. Rui made it for him during math class last year. Still sitting there. Still smiling, Rui never was really the type to pay attention to classes.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, right?” Tsukasa muttered, staring at the origami.

Obviously as expected, he got no answer from the phoenix. It’s not like he’s in a fantasy movie anyways, but then again SEKAIs exist.. his mind was just too horribly messy.
He just feels the soft tick of the fan spinning lazily above him. Tsukasa felt his legs sore, his position too uncomfortable. But his head is too busy to even adjust himself,
Rui’s frown, Nene’s immediate question about Rui, the awkwardness. The firm tone Nene had on her..

Was Rui mad? hurt? Jealous? No, no, that's just stupid right? Tsukasa snatched a pillow, hugging it tightly in his grasp.

Jealous..? Is that why? forget about it. Did telling him he liked Emu really bothered Rui that much..?

Rui probably liked Emu, does that mean they both would have to fight their love for Emu? In that case.. Tsukasa and Rui probably wouldn’t be friends anymore, but that’s terrifying.

Tsukasa bit his cheek subconsciously, whispering.

“Maybe he’s just tired.” Tsukasa could feel his chest tighten, as his eyebrows knitted.

Tsukasa should probably stop trying to convince himself, he already knows his mind is a mess already. He should probably call Nene, maybe she’d tell him. Tsukasa’s eyes hover over his phone lying on his night stand. He shifts upright, letting go of the pillow, back pressed towards the headboard. Well, after all Nene has known Rui since childhood, she knows something is up with him, if anyone could read him, it’d be her.

He picks it up, scrolling in his contacts, stopping on her name. He hesitated whether to really call her or not, should he really be doing this? his eyebrows pull together,

Then he tapped the screen, it was too late. There’s no going back. He could hear the phone vibrate under his touch. The dial tone rings. Then a faint yawn could be heard from the other line.

“Is this about lunch?” Nene picked up, her voice sounded tired, as if she just woke up from her nap.

“Yeah, I was just wondering.. Why’d you ask if I told Rui?” Tsukasa swallows, hard.

“Because it mattered Tsukasa.” Tsukasa could hear Nene sigh, restless.

“Mattered? What do you mean?” Tsukasa blinks, grasping his phone tighter.

Nene didn’t reply, only silence.. And the silence was swallowing him endlessly.

“Just tell me what’s going on, please Nene. ” Tsukasa’s throat tightens.

“It’s not my right to tell, You should ask him, not me.”

Tsukasa leaned forward, he could feel his heartbeat speeding up.

“But– he quite literally ran away from me-” Tsukasa complained,

Nene interrupted Tsukasa, “Maybe you should pay attention to your friends more.”

“What?” Tsukasa questioned, he could hear the Diva pause, as if she wanted to prepare on what to say next.

Nene exhales, you could hear the edge in her voice, not in a mean way, it was like she’s trying to be honest.

“You’re so caught up in what you feel, Tsukasa.” hearing that line, Tsukasa’s mouth hung low,

“You never stop to think what anyone else might be feeling.” Nene said, her tone firm. She sounded serious.

“He’s been trying to tell you about it for weeks.” Nene muttered, her voice low. “Just not in the way you wanted to hear.”

And then she hung up.

What is that supposed to mean? Instead of giving him answers, Nene literally just left him with more questions, Tsukasa groans in frustration. All of this is stupid. none of this would’ve happened if he just kept his mouth shut. Tsukasa tried texting her, but his messages was left on read. Tsukasa sighed,

He didn’t even know what she meant at all, but it felt like he was supposed to.

Chapter Text

Rui noticed Tsukasa laughing again, this time with Emu, he personally noticed him being closer with Emu these days, and that felt upsetting. Well, it felt worse now knowing Tsukasa likes Emu romantically.

“Emu! Don’t you think that performance was a miracle?! Wasn’t it super dazzling for a star like me!?” Tsukasa chuckled, his hand on his chest and the other one resting on his sides.

“It was so wonderhoy!!! Tsukasa went wam-bam-wam!! And then the glitter went kira kira ikemen!!” Emu applauded.

It was supposed to be a rehearsal this Saturday, but the group really didn’t know what they were supposed to be rehearsing for so they just kinda goofed off.

Rui was sitting at the Wonder Stage that day, legs dangling near the edge. It was also quite sunny, Rui could feel sweat dripping down his forehead. But he was glad to bring some cold water.

Below him, just slightly off to the side on the stairs, hunched over was Nene.

Tapping aggressively with her thumbs on her video game console, as her eyes narrowed in concentration. Sometimes Rui thought how her thumbs still could function properly after tapping so much, there must be an effect on this, right?

Rui’s eyes hover to Tsukasa again, there was a faint blush creeping up the blonde’s cheeks, also drenched in sweat, his attire also seemed sticky too but what mattered was his short gracious smile that felt so affectionate, genuine..

Knowing that smile wasn’t for him, it made him disappointed, but it’s not like Rui could only smile for him only too. Tsukasa there was so cheerful, it’s like he had forgotten everything that happened yesterday.

It’s fine, let him be with Emu if that’s what he wants. It’s not like he could force him to like him anyways…What he truly wants is for Tsukasa to be happy!

Rui slouches forward, sighing, as his eyes drooped. He really was tired today, a part of him really did feel empty. Maybe he could try to win Tsukasa back? No, it would be like a 0.001% if he manages to date Tsukasa,

Well, ever since the start of 3rd year, Rui didn’t mind having Tsukasa as a friend, he even didn’t mind dating Tsukasa at all! At first he thought it was weird, but nothing is weird about..love right??

Okay nevermind, he should just give up; Tsukasa likes Emu, and it will probably never change, well he really doesn’t think Emu is even interested in romance, so maybe there’s quite a chance of Tsukasa getting rejected, but still, it would make Tsukasa sad, and if his star is sad, he also would be sad!

“You know you’re doing a bad job at trying to hide your disappointment.” A voice rose softly from the stairs below.

Rui blinked, huh, someone must’ve been noticing his expressions.

“It’s really obvious.” Nene muttered,

“I’m not disappointed at all? What makes you think that?”

“You’re bad at lying when it comes to thinking of Tsukasa.” Nene rolled her eyes,

Nene pauses her game, looking up at Rui from below the stage, sighing.

“I told him about it.”

Rui snapped his head at Nene, a look of confusion crossing his face, told him?.. He wiped off a miniscule of sweat from his forehead.

“Hm..?” Rui’s eyes widened.

Nene shrugged, “Your feelings for Tsukasa.” Feelings? for Tsukasa? How could she assume that about him? Well he indeed talked a lot about him towards Nene to the point of getting kicked out of her house, but that didn’t mean he liked him!

“I– don't.” He started, his voice cracking halfway through. Rui then cleared his throat properly,

“I don't have feelings for him, Nene..” Rui gave a small crooked smile,

Nene glares at Rui, unimpressed.

The atmosphere shifted, It felt quiet for a few moments, making everything feel distant. The chuckling and cheering faded away in Rui’s mind, the only thing he could hear was his stupid thoughts now. Wait, what did Nene even tell him?

Did he just straight up tell Tsukasa that Rui was in love with him through a phone call? That’s absurd!! Is that why he hadn’t been talking to Tsukasa today? Did Tsukasa think he was weird for liking boys? Actually, he hadn't been talking to Tsukasa that much today because he was trying to save himself from embarrassment.

“Wait..? What did you tell Tsukasa-kun..?”

Nene didn’t look up from her game console, “I didn’t say anything that bad,”
Her tone was mocking. “I subtly hinted it at him.”

Subtly hinted? What is that supposed to mean? Did she like, give him a word puzzle and tell him to make a sentence out of it? Okay well, he couldn’t jump to conclusions.. And that doesn’t sound like Nene at all actually.

“He’s probably too dumb to even know what I even meant..” Nene dismissed it off.

Rui continued to stare at the scuffed floor beneath the stage, lost in thought, minutes dragged like hours, actually SECONDS, dragged like hours, and for some reason his chest felt too full and hollow at the same time.

“Well, in my opinion Tsukasa-kun wouldn’t be referred to as ‘dumb’, he is a very amazing troupe leader of ours and–” Rui quickly points out,

“Now you’re just biased.” Nene rolls her eyes,

“Fufu, I must’ve gotten carried away, I apologize Nene.”

Nene then ignored Rui, picking up her video game console again, just to play her rhythm game.

Now Rui didn’t know what to do at this point, Nene was already distracted again, he’s sure Nene would mind a lot if he continued blabbering about his star, worst case scenario, she might find a different spot to play her Project Diva thing.

This “rehearsal” was so unethical, who even scheduled this anyways?.. It wasn’t like they had any shows to read scripts over with, well guessing on how this was going, it was probably Emu.

Time passed as Rui just watched Tsukasa and Emu show each other performances as if they were children, it was quite nice to see both of them happy, Rui ended up smiling.

The soft tapping of Nene’s thumbs paused, from her spot on the bench below the stage, she tilted her head up, finally looking at him instead of the screen.

“Are you trying to avoid him?” her voice was calm, as if it had no meaning.

Rui didn’t answer, didn't move, he instead forced a small smile. His eyes were fixed on the ground instead, maybe he could fall through it if he stared enough.

“Well.. I-”

“Nene-chan! Rui-kun!! Come here!!” Emu yelled, waving them over with a bright, clueless grin, accompanied by Tsukasa’s beaming smile.

That was the most terrible timing ever.

⋆˙⟡♡

“I figured we should get some food to eat, hang out maybe? Instead of just doing nothing..” Tsukasa taps his chin with a lot of thought.

“I heard there’s a new ice cream shop down the road.” Nene says, her expression so neutral, no one could know what she’s thinking of behind those eyes.

“Really!? I– well then as your very amazing troupe leader, I shall treat you guys to ice cream later on!”

The group kept talking about the flavours they planned to get, then it ended up shifting to another topic. Somehow the whole time, the voices were distant for Rui. He couldn’t pay attention at all. He could feel his eyes on Tsukasa the whole conversation, the way his hair sways, his amber eyes that glowed through sunlight like honey, warm orange softly bleeding into gold.

The fact his smile is always radiating with those pearly white teeth, how his hair looks so neat and tidy, strands of pale blonde gave way to a warm tangerine glow, like sunlight setting on a field of wheat.

Tsukasa was always so confident and he always swayed opinions and motivated others, he was also such a caring brother and an amazing friend of his! Rui couldn’t think of anything bad about Tsukasa, he’s so beautiful–

Ah- wait, why is he thinking of this !! Well, it’s not weird to think of this sorta stuff towards your friends..Right? Wait– did Tsukasa always have these many eyelashes..? They flutter so easily every time he blinks and– How could he be so pretty! And he always looks at Rui so assuringly and gentle that he could just melt!..

Okay fine, maybe Nene was right, he did have a teeny tiny crush on his fellow troupe leader, but it was tiny!! IT was just a teeny tiny crush…Right? He always thought it was just a thing of admiration, but it had always been like this since the start of 3rd year.

Sometimes Rui squirms under his touch, sometimes he’s super jumpy and awkward near Tsukasa, sometimes he studies and observes the star for no reason at all, and mostly because he just wanted to, but he was barely anything compared to his amazing friend and partner..

Rui was practically squealing in his head, and somehow the group noticed and went silent. Nene practically grimaced at Rui’s expression, Rui by now was melting in happiness, making up scenarios with him and Tsukasa.

“Rui?” Tsukasa did a gentle poke at Rui’s shoulder,

“Ah, I apologize, I must’ve been thinking of new show ideas for quite a while, fufu..” Rui chuckles. That was so awkward he could’ve evaporated immediately on the spot.

“I didn’t know Rui liked show ideas so romantically to the point he had to daydream and blush about it so easily.” Nene commented bluntly.

“Rui-kun was really out there, he blanked out so much he almost didn’t blink for a minute! Hehe!” Emu giggled, putting on a bright bubbly smile after.

“So do you guys want your very amazing, kind and charismatic troupe leader to treat you guys to ice cream, or not!? Ah.. I almost forgot the main point of our conversation was to get ice cream before..”

“I’m super–duper hyped up for ice cream!! Can we go already!?☆”

“That was sort of a stretch describing yourself, but I’m up for ice cream.” Nene curled her lips into a small genuine smile.

Rui wanted to point it out, in fact it wasn’t a stretch at all! Tsukasa does fit all of these redeeming qualities, but he had to stay quiet or he would probably get called biased again, or maybe a weird look from Tsukasa himself.

“What about you Rui? Wanna get some ice cream together?” Tsukasa stared at Rui so endearingly, so considerate, so friendly. His eyes were so addicting to look at, It’s like he could be sucked in those irises of his.

he reached out his hand, it seemed so smooth unlike Rui’s rough hands that had been working with robots and having tiny scars since young, and Rui could just rest his head on Tsukasa’s palm like a pillow, and caress it so nicely… he really was holding in his urges.

“I think ice cream would be great for a heat like this right now.” Rui responded, he finally let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

“We should probably change our attire first..” Nene replied,

──★ ˙ ̟ !!

Opening the door, a small bell rang. The place was quite tiny actually, the walls had freshly new turquoise paint on it. The air conditioner was also really strong, it was almost freezing there, also the shop had only a few booths, and Rui picked one closest towards the window view while waiting for the others to order. He didn’t really mind not getting ice cream, but instead he just told the group to surprise him.

Waiting patiently, he noticed the ice cream shop smelling quite similar, he just couldn’t put a ring to it.. Ah, the small scent of disinfectant. The same smell of the bathroom he ran off to yesterday, huh.. It seemed like Tsukasa forgot about all of that.

The three of them got their ice cream and went to sit at the booth. Tsukasa was facing Rui, whilst Emu sat beside him, and Nene was facing Rui, whilst having Rui sit beside her.

Nene got the bubblegum flavor in a cup, while Emu got strawberry sorbet flavor on a cone, as for Tsukasa he got cookies and cream also on a cone.

“Rui! You told us to surprise you right? Well.. the three of us decided, well actually I decided.. on mint chocolate chip, I’m not sure why, but Rui does look like a person who would like mint, also I got it in a cup.. I wasn’t really sure if you’d mind it.”

At first, Rui never thought of trying mint at all. He was always told by his parents it tasted like toothpaste, but if Tsukasa thinks it's fit for him, then of course! He would devour it.

“Thank you Tsukasa, I’d be sure to eat every single drop of it!” Rui delightfully accepted the cup, he could feel his hands sweat, maybe he was really nervous.

“Hah! No problem Rui, if you don’t like it, I’ll get you another flavor of your choice.”

Rui took a small nibble to his mouth, and personally it tasted really sweet, the mint was also not that sharp too, and the chocolate just added to the flavor. Now he really doesn’t understand how this could resemble toothpaste,

It might be his new favorite ice cream flavor now, and the best part, Tsukasa picked it out for him!

Rui continued to digest the said mint ice cream, savoring each bite. It felt so precious, he might come back every week to this shop after all.

“Nene-chan!! Watch me devour this in a few seconds!!” Emu continued by inhaling, then started shoving the whole scoop in her mouth, chewing it super quickly.

“Ack!! Nevermind!! I’m having a super duper extra brain freeze!!”

Seems like the group is having fun…Maybe, it doesn’t have to be romance, Rui wishes he could live like this forever, all while having Tsukasa to himself, It’s selfish isn’t it?

Hopefully he doesn’t mind having Tsukasa only as a friend only,

Right?

Chapter Text

Something’s weird about Rui these days, ever since going to that ice cream shop, he had been avoiding Tsukasa relentlessly, and lots of times he notices Rui eating alone. Every time Tsukasa tries to approach him, he manages to immediately walk away, or respond dryly.

Or maybe the fact Rui is always busy, especially for hang outs, which is unusual. It didn’t seem like Rui had something bothering him, since he’s usually always free for everything.

And it has been like this for the past few weeks.

Tsukasa slouched on his chair, the bell rang again, students cheered as the teacher walked out of the classroom. By now he would’ve been on the rooftop to eat together with Rui, but it seems like he’s absent today, he’s been absent for a week even.

He would probably go eat with Nene but she’s already eating with Emu who somehow ran past security again. It’s not like he could’ve just joined either because why would one boy eat with two girls?

Tsukasa decided to eat inside class today, he didn’t really like eating there since it was less a room and more like a clamorous asylum, desks were scattered, chairs were scraped, and students were shouting over each other.

But he would rather eat in class alone than eating out on the rooftop by himself.

Tsukasa then brought out his bento, opening it, the smell of sweet rice and the clean, slightly metallic scent of fresh beef… and a ginger pork sandwich ziplocked inside a tiny plastic bag.

It refreshed his memory of the same ginger pork sandwich he gave to Rui a few weeks ago, the same sandwich which was left half-eaten, the same one Tsukasa had to finish on the way home. But it appeared that Rui had forgotten about it.. Hopefully,

Tsukasa felt someone approach him, steps coming his way.

He looks up to see a classmate of his, a small smirk plastered on his face, and his hands tucked in his pocket.

“Oi, Tenma-kun, sitting alone?” he says,

“It appears so.” Tsukasa sighs, bringing a spoonful of rice to his mouth.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“I don’t mind at all!” Tsukasa smiled.

The student dragged a chair near Tsukasa’s table, along with his bento, sitting as his knees sprawled.

The two went to talk about how school was while eating their lunches, exams, and classmates, most of the time Tsukasa was blabbering, and a few times he managed to slip up just to talk about his sister, Saki instead.

“You seem to talk about your sister a lot, you really are a caring brother Tenma-kun!” his classmate said, resting his arms on the desk.

“Oh well of course! I do indeed care about Saki, she’s the best and kindest sister I could ever ask for! You know we should sometimes eat out! I’ll pay, my treat.” For some reason, Tsukasa always had a habit to pay for someone’s lunch whenever they called him a caring brother, most caught on.

“What about Kamishiro-kun? You seem gloomy these days without him, did you two have an argument?”

“Rui..? Well, I didn’t necessarily have an argument with him, something.. Just drifted between us..?” Tsukasa tapped his chin with thought as he munched on his sandwich.

“Oh, really? What about Oddball 1 2 then?” the classmate leaned backwards, resting his back on the chair.

“Ah..not that anything I know of..” Tsukasa forced a smile, rubbing the back of his head. He was visibly uncomfortable. He really didn’t wanna talk about him right now.

“So are you guys now… not friends anymore? So like no more explosions in Kamiyama?”

“Well, I still hope we are friends. Rui is pretty much my partner, he is the most important person in my life other than my siblings. It would be really devastating if I lost him.”

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

As the sole of his sneakers crashed against the concrete, Tsukasa felt lonelier and lonelier, most of the time he would be walking home with Rui right now, and maybe meet Emu along the way, but he’s been absent for a week and even if he’s not absent, he would still be walking by himself right now.

He had to admit, he does miss Rui. He misses his cat-like smile. He misses his cute giggles, his interesting show ideas. Back then he was wishing to not deal with Rui’s stupid experiments, but now he wants the opposite.

He remembered what Nene said, “You’re so caught up in what you feel, you never stop to think of what anyone else might be feeling.” was she saying.. Tsukasa was a bad friend?

“He had been trying to tell you for weeks, just not in the way you wanted to hear.” Tell him? He still can’t figure out what Nene meant, it felt like a word puzzle that he couldn’t solve.

Maybe he should think about that later and focus on Rui.

Was it the things he said during the so-called ‘rehearsal’? Well, probably not.. Since he was acting pretty kind that day. He even treated Rui to ice cream, mint chocolate ice cream that ended up being Rui’s favourite flavour. At this point, Tsukasa was trying to convince himself it wasn’t because he liked Emu.

But the thing is, Rui had only been acting off.. since that.

Okay fine, Rui liked Emu and he had to accept it. It’s alright, he’ll leave Emu for him. For some reason.. Why does it feel like getting rejected by Emu feels much better than Rui leaving him..?

Maybe he didn’t like Emu after all, she is a sweet and bubbly girl, she does lighten up everyone’s moods but it's just that.. Maybe she’s not the person,

He’ll have to tell Nene.. and Rui, somehow.. It’s fine anyways, he can always find another person to like.

But he can’t assume, once he manages to find and talk to Rui.. he needs to ask him, he needs to ask him on why he kept avoiding Tsukasa, why he kept avoiding his friends, why he always says he's busy when he’s clearly not.

Tsukasa continued to look up. The blue beam in the charcoal sky transformed into a shade of navy, as clouds of different shades blocked the sunlight, and tiny droplets of water fell right onto Tsukasa’s nose, as a deep earthy scent came in.

Tsukasa should’ve walked at a faster pace rather than pondering. Now he’s stuck in the rain.

Without thinking, Tsukasa pulled his jacket over his head as the rain started falling, pretending it was a flimsy roof. Obviously his house was too far away, so he aimed to seek shelter to the nearest convenience store to him.

How did he even get into a situation like this.. He should’ve walked faster and he would probably already reach home.

Tsukasa shoved the door open, a little more force than he needed to. He huffed heavily, having his arms rest on his knees. He could feel the cold air hit him; he was practically shivering. He also remembered,

He needed to buy some groceries too, so he was killing two birds with one stone.

⋆⭒˚.⋆

Tsukasa was rummaging through the ramen section, damp, annoyed, and tired, searching for Saki’s favorite cup noodle brand. He turned the corner, just to be caught off guard. His eyes widened in surprise,

Standing there was Rui, in a casual outfit, holding an umbrella, staring right at him, with those lemon irises Tsukasa had pretty much missed.

“Rui...?” Tsukasa muttered, but no answer came back.

The two had awkward eye contact for a while, as silence was filled throughout the store, as the heavy rain grew louder in the background. He needed to talk to Rui, right now. But before he even got the chance to speak, Rui then already..left.

So, Rui wasn’t sick at all.. He even seemed healthy at best, Tsukasa groaned in annoyance. He really was skipping school for… what??

He brought the items to the counter, getting them to be checked out by the cashier.
Looking out to the clear glass sliding doors, the sky still hasn’t cleared.

That interaction truly was pointless, he could’ve had the chance to ask Rui. But he just let that happen. He balls his hand into a fist, grumbling.

Wait.. Rui is a slow walker, and he probably hadn’t even walked past Tsukasa’s house, and the.. rain.

Stepping out the door, Tsukasa could spot Rui holding a bag filled with ramune soda and candy, how unhealthy, once they both get back together as friends, Tsukasa would immediately lecture him!

Rui was also walking calmly while being sheltered with his umbrella, how lucky.. He was also walking extra slow. He really thought Tsukasa was going to stay inside the store waiting for the rain to stop, huh?

Well, of course not! He’s gonna chase after his friend in the middle of the rain. He needed to find out! He needed answers! Tsukasa was gonna run after Rui.

Tsukasa’s legs moved before his brain could even catch up with him, panting heavily. Strands of blonde locks covering his vision, his clothes were drenched, soaking in water. It was uncomfortable, but he willingly would do this for Rui, his esteemed director, his partner, his oddball 2.

The rain hit like a slap. Cold, sharp, everywhere. But it didn’t matter, what mattered was Rui. Despite the fogginess, he could see Rui’s figure a few steps away, walking calmly— not running at all.

“Rui– Wait!” Tsukasa yelled, breath hitched,

No answer came through, just the sound of the swishing rain that was driven by the wind, blurring the world outside.

“Rui.. Please!!” This time, Rui stood there. Without thinking,

Tsukasa immediately reached out to grab Rui’s wrist underneath his umbrella, wrapping his fingers around it. It was warm even in the cold like that, as if he could just cling onto Rui for heat.

Rui jolted, he flinched slightly. But he didn’t pull away, he didn’t answer, he didn’t even move a single inch.

“Please Rui–! Why do- WHY do you keep avoiding me, avoiding us! Your friends! Why do you keep saying you’re busy when.. you’re not..?”

“Is it because of Emu? You like Emu don’t you!? Please Rui, I won’t like her anymore if you just— just don't leave me!” Tsukasa snapped, he didn’t even consider before saying those things.

Tsukasa could feel the rain pour between them, and Rui still didn’t look back, he stood there, stiff, and quiet.

“Tsukasa..” Rui finally answered, pausing for a bit before replying again,

“Please.. Let me go.” His voice was soft, he didn’t yell, he didn’t snap, he just let it happen.

“Don’t leave me, Rui..!” By this point, Tsukasa could feel tears forming in his eyelids, blending in with the drops of rain running down his cheeks.

He needed explanations, he needed answers, and he needed Rui. He misses everything about him, these few weeks were restless, and minutes dragged like hours without him.

“Let me go.” Hearing that, something twisted in Tsukasa’s stomach, Rui was demanding him to free his wrist by then.

Without a choice, Tsukasa’s finger loosened, standing there in the rain as he watched Rui walk away. Tsukasa dropped to his knees, staring at the scuffed concrete pavement, shaking.

He then let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

The rain continued to get heavier, every single part of Tsukasa was drenched.

It felt wrong, It felt miserable. Why did he just leave him like that!?!? Why did he oblige!?

He truly felt pathetic, he should’ve kept pressing Rui for answers, but what kind of best friend would force their friend on something? He wouldn’t even be considered a friend. Tsukasa continued to stay in the cold, to feel something.

They weren’t even fighting,

They weren’t even anything special other than two friends,

So why did it feel like Tsukasa had just lost everything?...

Chapter Text

He didn't look back, even if he wanted to

The rain blurred out the world. His clothes clung to his skin, cold and heavy, but not heavier than the silence that followed. He didn’t turn back.

Tsukasa’ voice still echoed in his head. “Don't leave me, .. Rui!”

Maybe he should take a break, it's been a few days since then and it's been hurting his head lately.. And the guilt was swallowing him whole,

Rui collapses onto his couch, the garage had been quite messier these few weeks, considering he had nothing to do. Scattered wires, mechanical parts, construction paper, and cutting mats.

He does feel filthy, his hair was like a bird's nest, he probably stinked, he really didn't have the motivation to go out of his room since then, leading up to his mom bringing him food instead.

He already told his mom he'd be back in school tomorrow, well, he had to.

Emu and Nene also had been giving occasional visits, except Tsukasa.

At first they thought Rui was sick, but he wasn't afterall. He seemed to avoid the question on why he stayed absent though.

They usually come weekly, Saturdays and Sundays. Emu always makes sure to bring lots of treats, and it does cheer him up, just for a bit.
he stared at his window, pausing.

The last time he’d stood there, his parents weren’t home, then he’d seen Emu struggling with Nene’s bike outside, holding 3 bags of treats, soda, and a jar of cookies that Emu boasted about since she baked it by herself.

“Nene-chan! Just give me a second– I can park it, no worries!!”

“I’m trying my best to believe you, Emu, but you look like you’re struggling.” After that mess, which ended up with Emu needing help. The girls waited on Rui’s porch, who knew how many times Emu rang the doorbell.

Rui rubbed his half-lidded eyes, reaching towards the door. He was pretty much exhausted after staying up for more than 24 hours at a time.
he’d opened the door to chaos that afternoon, two girls standing politely on his doorstep, a smile plastered on one of them.

“Konnichiwandahoi Rui-kun!” Emu yelled happily, jumping into Rui’s arms to make a tight hug, which ended up having Rui almost fall on the floor. It was mostly because of the weight of the bags.

“Afternoon, Rui.” Nene chuckled.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

“You don’t have to question us,” Nene had said, unzipping a tupperware of homemade cookies. “We're just here to make sure your garage doesn’t become a grave.”

“Yeah, Rui-kun! Why do you insist on staying home if you’re healthy?” Emu questioned.

“Ah.. I just needed a break from school, that’s all, fufu.” The three of them sat on the garage floor together, legs crossed. Honestly, the conversation was becoming pretty awkward.
Rui was glad none of them mentioned he stinked. Well, by then he was using deodorant like it was soap, so maybe that’s why.

Nene scoffed, “If you only needed a break from school, why are you always busy for everything? when you're only at home like this..”
Rui paused, well he clearly didn’t expect any of them to question that. He had to make up an excuse, quickly.

“Well–” Rui was immediately cut off by Nene,

“This isn’t about Tsukasa isn’t it..?” Nene interrupted,

“Tsukasa? What does this have to do with Tsukasa?” Emu stuffed another cookie into her mouth.

“No, not at all.. I just didn’t feel like seeing anyone.” Rui felt guilty, he shouldn’t lie to his friends and he didn’t even have a proper excuse at all. He then took a deep breath,
“Alright, it is about Tsukasa, I apologize for lying.” Rui confessed, disappointed.

Nene scrunched her nose, sympathetically. “I knew it.. You really are pathetic, Rui.” Nene said in a sarcastic tone, she didn’t truly mean it. But Rui had felt it, she was right. He truly was pathetic.. Can’t believe he had to agree with Nene seriously.

Nene and Emu stayed there for a while, and although Rui didn’t ask them to help him with his situation, they managed to help clean Rui’s garage, finding all sorts of weird items Rui didn’t even know existed.

“Rui I never knew you had a stash of.. ants.” Nene pinched her nose bridge.
He must’ve left a snack wrapper there and glued the drawer super shut so no one could open it without tons of force.
He shook his head, pushing the memories away aside. He was so grateful for such caring friends.

Maybe he should call Mizuki. She had always helped him with most of his problems, she could even be called Rui’s unpaid therapist. Mizuki would probably know a thing or two about romance, and… everything.

He picked up the phone lying on his couch's armrest, he adjusted his position first, tucking in his legs. He scrolled on his contacts, clicking on Mizuki.

The dial tone ringed, a few buzzes before she picked up.

“Hellooo?” Mizuki at the other line was filing her nails, having the phone rest on her shoulder.

“Mizuki-kun, it’s Rui. Do you mind If I..?” Rui subconsciously bit his cheek, he had told Mizuki a lot of his problems, but he still got nervous for whatever reason.

“No not at all, please continue!” He could hear her chuckling at the other end.

“Alright.. So I’ve been liking someone…. romantically.”

“That’s great! let me guess, Tsukasa–senpai? Hehe, I’m just joking ~”

“No, don’t worry, you’re right... IT is Tsukasa..”
“Ah, really? I’m proud of you Rui for truly being who you are, well I’ve always known you liked men.. But I don’t see the problem?”

“He likes.. someone else.”

“REALLY!? I’M SO SORRY FOR YOU RUI!!!! No worries, I can help you get over a crush and I can help you move on– There’s always other fish to catch in the sea!”

“Haha, don’t worry Mizuki but–” Rui interrupted himself, his eyebrows curved in realization.

Then, his mind flickered back to that night in the rain, the night where Tsukasa begged him to not leave.

Is it because of Emu? You like Emu don’t you!? Please Rui, I won’t like her anymore if you just— just don't leave me!” Tsukasa yelled with his whole heart out, and he didn’t even turn to face him.

Wait..

What… Did that even mean? He’d be willing to sacrifice his love for Emu.. for Rui? But why..? Maybe he should’ve looked back during that time, and explain everything, but he didn’t.
Maybe.. Tsukasa just feels guilty, not in a loving way, like as friends. Tsukasa would be the last person Rui would’ve thought would like guys.
Rui was glad he played the safe route. He’d rather leave Tsukasa peacefully than be looked at like some sort of disgusting freak for saying his feelings.
Rui’s voice trailed off, suddenly quiet. “...never mind.”
“Hm? Nevermind? C’mon Rui!! I really wanna know!!’” Mizuki insisted,

“Ah.. I have just met Tsukasa-kun a few days ago, and I remember the lines of him saying.. something..” Rui paused, “He’d said he would stop crushing on the person he likes, just so I don't leave him.”

“hmm.. Rui, are you sure, Tsukasa-senpai doesn’t like you?” There was a tiny edge in Mizuki’s voice, she clearly knew this was just another case of miscommunication.

“Mizuki, I wouldn’t like to jump to conclusions, but there’s a very high percentage he’s doing it out of pity, and it’s not logical.. He already likes someone else, doesn’t he?”

“And… I ruined the chance too, I told him he needed to leave me alone.” Rui sighed. He tucked his legs further in on the couch, staring at the 26 unfinished projects laying on the ground, he felt horribly guilty. How could he just mess his garage up again in the span of two days, right after it was cleaned by his friends?

“Well, it could just be that he was suppressing his feelings.. maybe he just hasn’t truly found the person he truly loves!! Don’t worry, if he really wanted Rui to not leave him, you would always have unlimited chances to go back to him.”

“Mizuki, what if he looks at me like a disgusting..freak when I tell him?” Rui started biting his nails nervously, he knows he can’t do this, he’s not capable of all of this!!

“Well, that surely isn’t the Tsukasa-senpai I know of! C’mon Rui, you can do this and go get your man hehe~!!” Mizuki snickered,

“If you’re scared, you can always start off slow, maybe reply back to his messages..?” This time, Mizuki sounded less.. sure. Maybe she didn't know what to do.

“Thank you Mizuki, I’ll be sure to take note of that.” Mizuki must’ve been right, she knows lots about fashion and romance, and she always ended up correct.

“Eheh! No worries, if you ever need more help just call me !! I have to go though,”

“I’m having another meeting in Nightcord, See you Rui!!”

“Good-bye Mizuki, I appreciate your help in advance.”

She hung up,

Now what? Oh right, Tsukasa’s messages..

Tsukasa scrolled through his contacts, a few missed calls from his mother and a few classmates, but when he clicked on Tsukasa, there were over 26 missed calls and 49 unread messages in the span of a week.

Does he just reply to all of this..?

“Rui where have you been!??! Are u ok!!?? I sent Emu and Nene to look after you cuz I’m busy with a few things here and there!!”

“RUI HLO”

“ruiiiiii r u there”

He should probably type something back,

“Sorry Tsukasa-kun, things just got over me, I’m also sorry about a few days ago, I was in a bad mood.”

His message was read immediately, but wasn’t replied back. It’s fine, maybe Tsukasa was taking his time to process everything, he’ll probably expect a reply in under 15 minutes.
During those 15 minutes, he tried bothering himself with continuing his unfinished projects.

Still… No reply, Rui’s eyebrows knitted. How?.. Maybe this was truly the first time Mizuki wasn’t right..

Maybe an hour..? He waited, every tick of the clock scraped his nerves. It was bothering him to the point he had to check every 1 minute, distracting him from his work. It ended up with him barely getting anything done.

Tsukasa probably got busy reading it.. Yeah, he has a lot of stuff to do outside of Wonderland X Showtime, right..? Unlike.. someone.

Maybe, he was right.

He did mess up his last chance.