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Chapter Text

Wednesday August 21

Remus Lupin walked the third-floor corridor of the apartment complex carrying the last box of his things. His mother had offered to come with him, but seeing as it was his last trip, he had convinced Hope to stay home under the pretense of not wanting to waste gas. In reality, Remus was hoping to have a couple of hours by himself before his roommates showed up. Remus was starting his third year at the University of Manchester and would have continued to live in his single on-campus dorm had renting off-campus with roommates not been the more affordable option. 

Remus had talked to his new flatmates, James Potter and Sirius Black, only a handful of times. The first time was to discuss the matter of renting with them, another time to figure out who was bringing what furniture, and the most recent time was just a couple of days ago. James had called him to let Remus know that he and Sirius would be “out” on the days Remus was to move in his things. James hadn’t said much as to why the two of them wouldn’t be there, but Remus decided it wasn’t his business. Hope, however, was a bit upset as she hadn’t gotten to meet the boys her “baby” would be living with. 

When he approached his door, Remus leaned the box against the wall and his hip, searching his pockets for his key. He unlocked the door, grabbed the box, and walked into the apartment. He was slightly relieved when he found it still void of his roommates. The place itself wasn’t huge by any means, but it was definitely bigger than the on-campus suites. Each of them had their own bedroom that could fit a full-size bed, a desk, and the limited furniture that Remus owned, which was pretty much just various bookshelves. He also had his own bathroom while James and Sirius had to share Jack-and-Jill style. Remus couldn’t complain; besides, from the sounds of it, the two of them had known each other forever. Remus was, however, a bit apprehensive about that. He hoped this arrangement wouldn’t feel like he was invading or third-wheeling in his roommate’s friendship. Remus’s best friend, Lily Evans, had experienced something similar, but it had worked out well for her. Their first year, she had been assigned to a four-person suite with three others who had all gone to secondary school together. Lily said it had been awkward at first, but eventually she became good friends with them and had even roomed with them since. 

Remus kicked the door shut behind him with his heel and set his box down on the kitchen counter. The kitchen was nice, but small, and Remus figured that wouldn’t be an issue. It wasn’t like three college guys would know how to cook much beyond boiling pasta and frozen pizzas anyway. Remus used his key to cut the tape on the box and carefully extracted the kitchen utensils his mother had just bought him. He searched through the drawers to find that one close to the sink already contained the other two’s spoons, knives, and forks. He placed his own in the corresponding places and turned back to the box. The rest of the things in it could go to his room. Remus sighed and picked the thing up. His own bedroom was just off the living room and was probably considered the master bedroom, while that of James and Sirius shared a hallway on the opposite side of the apartment.

Remus opened his door to the organized chaos that was his bedroom. Boxes filled the corners, sorted by Sharpie on the cardboard. Since he had been going back and forth from his parents’ house, he had only managed to put some of his things away. He had already organized his books and vinyl records on shelves as he wanted them, as it had been a very relaxing task amidst the hassle. Remus walked over to the desk where his record player sat, and he turned it on. Glancing at his displayed albums, he gently picked up Taylor Swift’s Folklore and placed the vinyl on the player, allowing the sound of a piano to fill the room. With that, Remus looked around the room and picked a box to begin organizing.

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away like a bottle of wine

‘Cause you were never mine

‘Cause you were never mine, never mine

It wasn’t until Remus was humming along to August that he heard keys jingling, the door being opened, and voices coming from the kitchen.

“I know, Sirius, but at least he’s out of that house.” That must have been James.

There was a pause. “Yeah, I guess. I told him to call me whenever and that our couch is always available…hopefully, Remus is chill with that, I guess. I forgot that it’s not just us.”

“Oh yeah,” the first voice said. “Do you think he’s here? I was hoping we could have a chill game night. Mum sent so many games with us.”

Remus, slightly aware that he probably shouldn’t listen in on other people’s conversations, quirked an eyebrow at how James seemed to mention their mother. As far as he knew, James and Sirius weren’t siblings.

“Uh, I think I hear music,” came the other voice. Sirius’s voice. “Oi, Remus! You here, mate?!”

Remus realized that he had been eavesdropping and peeked his head out of his door, then emerged from his room. “Hey guys, I didn’t know you’d be back tonight.”

“That’s alright,” James said as they all entered the living room. “Didn’t know it ourselves.”

“Sorry we couldn’t be here to help you with your things,” Sirius acknowledged as he plopped down on their couch, running a hand through his hair and letting out a heavy breath.

“Oh, that’s alright,” Remus answered. “My parents helped, and I don’t really have that much stuff anyway. It’s mostly just books.”

“You do strike me as a reader,” James chuckled, also taking a seat on the couch next to Sirius. “You should join us tonight, mate. We’re going to order pizza and play some games, all courtesy of my wonderful mother.”

“Yes, Remus,” Sirius perked up, giving him a lopsided grin. “You have to hang with us. That is, unless you have other plans.”

“Oh,” Remus looked back and gestured at his room. “I was just going to finish organizing…” he saw Sirius’ face fall slightly, “But I suppose that can wait for tomorrow.”

“Awesome!” James announced, pulling out his phone to order the food. “Remus, my good man, what kind of pizza would you like?”

—-------

Several games, pizza boxes, and hours later, Sirius sat on the floor of the living room with his back against the couch, next to James, with Remus on the other side of the coffee table. The three were now conversing comfortably, finding an easy connection between them. Sirius was grateful that Remus turned out to be a nice guy. He was easy to joke with, a good sport when he inevitably lost to James in Uno, and he seemed to be really genuine and down to earth. Sirius and James had tossed around jokes of Remus being an asshole and were relieved that those thoughts weren’t fulfilled. Sirius found himself watching the auburn-haired man while he talked with James. He liked the way Remus’ body moved fluidly and easily as he talked with his hands. He liked the way Remus’ nose and eyes crinkled when he laughed. And he was mesmerized by the way Remus’ hands dealt cards so smoothly. Several times throughout the night, Remus had nearly caught Sirius’ careful gaze. Suddenly, Remus’ laugh caught Sirius’ attention and brought him back to the conversation.

“Really?!” Remus was saying in response to James. “Mate, that’s hilarious!”

“What did I miss?” Sirius smirked. He didn’t understand why he had felt so distracted.

James laughed. “Oh, I was just regaling Remus here with the story of my sexual journey.”

Remus chuckled. “Yes, I’m more impressed by your quote-unquote, how do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it mindset. A true pansexual. I wish I could have been a bit more like that when I was younger.” Remus took a drink of the cheap alcohol they had somehow acquired. “Although that would’ve been a bit difficult, seeing as I was the only gay in the village type.”

“Grow up in a small town, then?” Sirius asked. 

“Yeah, my whole family lives in Monmouth, Wales,” Remus continued. “I went to a small all-boys school where everyone knew everyone. My parents and I moved to West Yorkshire partway through year 10 after…um. Anyway, I’m glad to be out of small-town life.”

Sirius noticed Remus’ unfinished thought. He tilted his head, trying to read the expression splayed across the man’s face. They had moved after…after what? Sirius couldn’t help but wonder.

“That’s fair. Sirius and I grew up around London,” James explained. “Sirius’ family lived in the city, mine just outside it. London is definitely the opposite of small-town life.”

Remus nodded in agreement, and Sirius watched as his auburn curls bounced with the movement. Remus brushed some fringe out of his eyes, and the sleeve of his shirt fell down to reveal his wrist. Sirius was confused at how Remus quickly pulled his sleeve back down and resumed the conversation. “You guys go to school together, then?” He looked at Sirius for an answer.

Sirius, who had been staring at Remus for a beat too long, cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. We could tell you stories from our time at Westminster.”

James nodded along with a mischievous grin. “The most impressive of those stories being that despite his twatty personality, Sirius managed to snog every girl who was interested.”

Sirius smirked proudly, though he thought he noticed a shift in Remus’ demeanor. “Yeah, yeah. It was nothing. Especially when you look like me,” he gestured up and down his torso and flashed a mock seductive smile at them.

While James’ statement was exaggerative, it wasn’t totally factually incorrect. Sirius had been in his fair share of ‘relationships.’ After the summer between years eight and nine, there seemed to be a significant shift in the way girls acted around both Sirius and James. It was obvious that several girls in their friendship group fancied him, even some of the girls in the year or two above them seemed much more interested in chatting him up. Sirius had liked the attention. He thrived off of the wistful looks, the flirtatious compliments, and the giggles when he smiled their way. None of these relationships had been anything of substance – that is, if they could even be considered relationships as they were mostly just snogging in the back row of the cinema. The closest thing Sirius had ever had to an actual relationship was his friend Mary. He had met her two years ago at his first college party, and the two of them became each other’s regular hook-up. Now, they still went as dates to parties when neither was interested in someone else. Sirius just didn’t feel as though he knew how to be someone’s boyfriend, so he never offered anything more than casual.

Remus chuckled, once again pulling Sirius from his thoughts. “So you’ve known each other forever, huh?”

James hummed in confirmation. “Yeah, we’ve practically known each other since birth. Our families were pretty uh…relevant to each other, I guess you could say. Our dads used to work together, so we’d always see each other at functions.”

James sent Sirius a look that he knew all too well. A quiet question of how much he could reveal. Sirius shrugged and continued. “My family is pretty fucked up, so I spent most of my time at the Potters, especially once I was a bit older.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That sucks,” Remus said, empathy flooding his face and tone.

“Yeah, it’s whatever.” Sirius took a long sip of his drink. “My parents treated me and my brother like shit. They disowned me after I got my A Level results back, and it was clear that I wouldn’t be going to uni on a pre-law track and conforming to the outdated family values.” James squeezed his shoulder. “They kicked Regulus out after he came home with a new haircut and told them he’s trans.”

“My parents took them in, though,” James said. “That’s actually why we weren’t here the past couple of days.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, looking between the two of them.

“Regulus just got home from a trip with his friends four days ago with his new haircut,” Sirius finished his drink in one quick gulp. 

“I’m sorry you guys had to go through that,” Remus held Sirius’ gaze. “I know what it’s like to be treated badly because you’re different.”

Sirius felt that there was a story there and was tempted to ask what he meant, but Remus’ voice had a sense of finality to it. “Like I said, I’ve got the Potters and now so does Reggie.”

“You have me, now, too,” Remus said quietly as if he hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Sirius noticed how a pink flush lightly brushed the other man’s face.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Well, now that it’s gotten deep, I think it’s time to break out the sweets Effie sent with us.”

James chuckled softly. “Nice diversion, mate.”

Remus laughed too, and Sirius wasn’t sure why he was so captivated by the sound. “Yes, well played. I always accept sweets. But, who the hell is Effie?”

“Oh, that would be my mum.” James surely launched into paragraphs of praise for the woman, but Sirius tuned him out.

He made his way to the kitchen to find the sweets. Sirius hated talking about his family. It often left him raw and angry. He didn’t know why, but something about Remus made him want to share it all. It was like he wanted Remus to know everything about him so he could know everything about Remus. He wondered again what Remus had meant about not feeling accepted. Sirius assumed it probably had something to do with growing up queer in a small town, but Sirius had a suspicion that there was more to the story – a heaviness to the way Remus had said it.

Sirius found what he was looking for and reentered the living room, this time sitting by Remus. “Here we are,” Sirius said, setting the basket on the coffee table. “Dig in.”

“Thanks,” Remus replied as he reached for a chocolate bar. Sirius caught his gaze again, and Remus seemed to be silently asking if he was okay. Sirius smiled.

“Anyway,” James continued. “You have to come with us on Friday, Remus.”

Sirius perked up at that. “Yes, you should! We’re meeting some friends at a party that one of the society houses is hosting.”

“It’ll be loads of fun!” James added.

“Sure,” Remus nodded. “Why not?”

James pumped his fist in the air. “Yes! We’re going to be best mates, I can feel it!”

Sirius laughed at his friend. “Chill out, before you scare him away, you lunatic.”

—------

Thursday August 22

Remus had gone to bed a little tipsy but significantly less anxious about his roommates. James and Sirius had been so welcoming and easy to talk to. Remus hoped that things would continue on this track. Truth be told, Remus didn’t have many close friends. Lily was his best and longest friend, as he didn’t have any childhood friends. They had met when he had moved to West Yorkshire, and were now going on nearly five years of friendship. He supposed he also had Lily’s roommates, Dorcas, Marlene, and Alice. But he wasn’t as close to them as Lily was. Of course, he had random acquaintances from his courses, but typically those friendships didn’t last more than a semester.

Remus liked James and Sirius. A lot. James was loud and funny, and Remus was certainly ready to have a guy friend who was queer. James was confident, outgoing, and just the kind of person Remus’ mother would like him to be friends with. There was something about James that seemed to make Remus inherently trust him, even though they had only just met. 

Sirius was very similar yet completely different from James. Sirius’ humor resided in his sarcasm and ability to keep a straight face while joking. Sirius’ confidence was displayed in his poised posture, which was only interrupted when he ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair. Remus felt as though he could trust Sirius for entirely different reasons than James. While James seemed to be someone who listened well, was easy to talk to, and could be confided in, Sirius had been hurt, too. Remus didn’t know much about the Black family, but from what Sirius had said last night, they were nasty and bigoted. Remus wanted to trust Sirius because Sirius had been hurt in a way that wasn’t entirely different from himself. He wanted to trust Sirius, to befriend him, to spend time with him. Remus wanted to tell Sirius his darkest secrets; show him his demons. And in turn, he wanted Sirius to trust him as well. To let go of the burden he so obviously carried behind those gorgeous grey eyes, and to let Remus in.

Fuck , Remus thought as he stared at his ceiling. The morning sunlight poured in through his window. He really ought to invest in some curtains. It’s literally been one day.

Remus rolled over to the box acting as his nightstand and picked up his phone. It was nearing eleven in the morning, and he had a couple of unread messages. He opened the one from Lily first.

7:34

Good morning sleepy head! i doubt you’ll be awake for a while but text me when you see this

10:38

Morning

10:39

Really? Thats all i get?

10:39

GOOD MORNING MY FAVORITE LILY FLOWER

10:39

Thanks

Ok

Heres the plan

10:40

Do I have a choice?

10:40

Nope

Meet me at Bold Street Coffee for lunch at 12:30

10:41

Ugh fine

10:41

Yay! You know you love me

10:41

I hate it when you’re right

Remus quickly responded to his mother’s good morning text and switched his phone off. The apartment was quiet, and Remus wondered if James and Sirius were awake yet. He pushed off his covers and made his way to his bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. He connected his phone to his speaker and shuffled songs by Conan Gray. Remus quickly checked that he had everything he needed before undressing. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. It had taken him a long time to finally be able to look at his own reflection without feeling shame. His chest and arms were littered with tiny silver scars that seemed to scream at him with every glance. Reminders of his failure to control himself.

Turning away from his reflection, Remus stepped into the shower. He let the water flow against his face, allowing his eyes to close. He had come so far, worked through so much, but still, there were days that the sight of his scars sent him back to the body of his 15-year-old self. Remus scrubbed at his face with his hands, trying to focus on the voice of Conan Gray rather than the memories that haunted him. He let the water run down his body even after he had finished washing his hair, and the feeling of the scolding hot liquid mixed with Kid Krow allowed him to clear his mind a bit.

After dressing in his jeans and maroon sweater, Remus exited his room and walked to the kitchen. He could hear James and Sirius talking casually, and once he was through the doorway, he saw James standing at the stove tending to something in a frying pan.

“Good morning, mate,” Sirius said from where he sat back comfortably at the kitchen table, scrolling on his phone. “Did you sleep alright? We didn’t get you too drunk last night, did we?”

Remus chuckled at the remark. “No, no, I slept fine. What are you making there, James?”

James turned to smile at Remus, throwing his towel over his shoulder. “Omelets, it’s my mum's recipe. I would always help her in the kitchen when I was younger, so I’ve picked up a few things.”

“He’s being modest,” Sirius said as he watched Remus start the kettle for a cup of tea. “Jamie here is a very talented chef.”

Remus chuckled as James rolled his eyes. “I guess I lucked out then.”

The three of them kept the conversation going with ease and banter. James and Sirius revealed their plan of binge-watching several Fast and Furious movies, followed by their childhood favorite franchise, the Twilight saga. Remus was slightly disappointed to have to decline the invitation to join them, but Lily would surely be annoyed if she were blown off. Besides, there would be other opportunities to watch way too much TV with James and Sirius; they did live together after all.

After finishing his morning tea and polite goodbyes to his roommates, Remus left the apartment, trailed down the hall to the elevator, and out to the car park. He couldn’t wait to see Lily.

Chapter Text

Friday August 23

“Oi! Remus!” Sirius shouted from the living room. “James and I are ready to go, you coming or not?!”

When Remus had agreed to go to this party, he hadn’t quite thought about the fact that he was probably supposed to have a party outfit. Whatever the fuck that was. Remus wasn’t a huge fan of big parties. Large crowds often left him feeling claustrophobic and panicked. A fish out of water, or rather, a cod in a school of salmon, a place he didn’t belong. Yes, there were many physical reasons Remus hated parties, but he couldn’t understand the social aspect either. There was always loud music that prohibited any form of meaningful conversation. The alcohol that was indefinitely present only ever caused drama. And Remus truly didn’t understand why a night full of sticky floors and outdated pop music was how his peers were determined to spend their time. Despite that, he was excited to go with James and Sirius, and his anxiety was slightly lessened by knowing that he would also be seeing Lily there. She had only ever convinced him to go to a handful of parties in the past, most of which were school functions at Bradford Grammar. Remus had mentioned this party when he got lunch with Lily the day before, and she was ecstatic that someone else had gotten him to agree. She had been planning on going with her roommates, but promised to make room in their group for him and his new friends.

Remus gave himself one last critical look in the mirror before walking over to his door. He turned the knob and pulled, revealing Sirius, who was sitting on the couch, lacing up his combat boots, his fingers littered with rings. He had his hair half up in a bun and wore a black V-neck that showed off his ink-kissed chest. It was short enough so that if he raised his arms, his mid-drift would no doubt peak out above his too-tight black jeans.

Remus cleared his throat when he realized he had been staring, and Sirius looked up at him. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Sirius smirked at him. “So, do you exclusively wear grandpa sweaters, or are the rest of your clothes still in your childhood closet?”

“What? You don’t think it’s fashionable?” Remus quipped with a raised eyebrow. “This one’s my favorite.” He looked down at the dark blue knitted sweater that had the moon phases stitched across the chest in a light cream color.

Remus had found this sweater at a thrift shop that Lily was particularly fond of. The two had gone in to find things they could use for that year’s Halloween costumes. Lily had been successful in acquiring an old wedding dress so she could be a zombie bride, while Remus had found an outfit he had torn up to look like a werewolf. The moon phase sweater was just an ironic bonus.

Sirius tilted his head as he let out a soft laugh. Remus blushed a little as he realized he rather liked the sound of Sirius’ low, breathy chuckle. “Come on, let’s get going or we’ll be much more than fashionably late.”

Remus took a deep breath and followed Sirius as he sauntered into the kitchen. James stood by the door wearing an open red button-down over a grey shirt that was tucked into his cuffed jeans that seemed to show off his red Converse. He was trying to tame the curly mess on top of his head using the camera on his phone while he waited for his roommates. He looked up at them after giving up on his hair.

“Ready?” James asked them, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

“You bet, Jamie,” Sirius answered excitedly. He ruffled James’ hair, earning an annoyed look from his best friend. Remus liked seeing these moments between his flatmates; the moments of obvious platonic intimacy. Something that Remus had had a hard time finding. “Let’s get this show on the road.

As the three of them walked out into the hall, down the stairs, and out of the building, Remus scolded himself for the amount of time he allowed his eyes to linger on Sirius.

Get your shit together, Lupin. He’s not an option. Besides, he’s probably straight

—-------

Marlene loved the feeling of Dorcas’ fingers tugging their hair. The sensation always elicited moans from deep in their throat, making them lean their head back and inviting Dorcas to decorate their neck with dark purple marks. They were never unhappy to find themself in a moment like this; their gorgeous girlfriend snogging them senseless against the wall. Marlene could hear Dorcas’ heavy breath and felt her weight shift as she began to sink to her knees.

“Come on, lovebirds!” Their suite-mate Lily Evans loudly knocked on their door. “There will be plenty of time for shagging later. We’re going to be late! I promised Remus we’d be there.”

Dorcas chuckled and leaned her forehead against Marlene’s thigh. “We’re coming, Lily!”

Marlene smirked, mumbling so only Dorcas could hear. “Yeah, we are.”

“Shush,” Dorcas playfully smacked her partner as she stood. “We’ll be right there, Lily.”

The two of them took a moment to collect themselves, look themselves over in the mirror, and smooth out their clothes. They grabbed their purses and headed into the living room. Marlene closed the door behind them and turned to see that Lily was now sitting with Alice at the table.

“Come on, Lily,” Marlene mocked Lily’s accent and placed a hand on their hip. “We wouldn’t want to keep Remus waiting.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one shagging their girlfriend loud enough for all to hear.” Lily gave the couple a cheeky smile, and Marlene noticed Dorcas blush and slipped an arm around her, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Besides, Alice was telling me about her date tonight with Frank.”

“Oh yeah, where’s he taking you?” Dorcas asked she leaning into Marlene.

Alice Fortescue, their fourth roommate, looked absolutely gorgeous as she wore an excited smile with her red halter top dress. “He said it’s a surprise but to dress, quote unquote, ‘elegantly,’” she let out a small laugh. “He’s always been so good at surprises, so I’m excited to see what he has planned for tonight.”

Marlene was glad that Alice had Frank. The two were perfect for each other. They had been friends for years, practically forever. Finally, after an eternity of mutual pining, Frank had gotten the courage to ask Alice out. All of them, besides Lily, had gone to school together since Year 8, and Marlene could remember when the Year 11 formal came around. Frank had enlisted the help of Dorcas and Marlene to make a plan on how to ask his crush to the event. 

“What is it, your 20th anniversary?” Marlene joked. “It feels like you guys have been dating for, like, forever.”

Alice smiled at that. “It really does, doesn’t it? It’s our fourth anniversary. I can’t wait, he should be here any minute, now.”

Lily stood from where she sat and gave Alice a quick hug. “Well, we hope you have a lovely time! We should probably go before Remus starts anxious-texting the group chat.”

Marlene and Dorcas chuckled at the truth of it. Marlene didn’t know Remus nearly as well as Lily did since they had only met two years ago, but they did know that Remus and parties didn’t always mix well. Marlene knew that he and Lily went to the same school for sixth form and that he had had trouble at his school in Wales, but other than that, they didn’t know much about his time before University. He wasn’t exactly the touchy-feely type with just anyone. They understood, of course, but couldn’t help but wish Remus felt more comfortable in their group. Marlene really liked him and had vowed to the girls that this would be the year they got him out of his shell a bit more. Lily instantly agreed and said that she would try to drag him to more parties and events with the group. And by the sounds of it, his new roommates were just as outgoing as Marlene. Apparently, they were the ones to convince Remus to come to this party in the first place.

“Let’s go crash a party!” Marlene said with an excited whoop as they raised their hands in the air. They followed Lily and Dorcas out of the dorm.

“Hate to break it to you, love,” Drocas giggled. “But we can’t exactly crash a party we were invited to.”

“I believe they would still find a way, Cas,” Lily laughed fondly. “Might want to keep your partner on a leash…”

Marlene smirked at the other two. “Now, I’m not exactly opposed to that, my darling.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dorcas blushed. “Let’s just go.”

—-------

James had never seen so many beautiful people in one place. Everyone glowed under the lights and the influence of alcohol. The dance floor was flooded with all kinds of couples, and James was loving it. He let out a gruff laugh and playfully hit Sirius on the chest. “Let’s go, mate! First party of the year!”

Remus smiled at the two of them. James thought he might have seen blush creep across his new friend’s face, but the idea left his mind as soon as his eyes fixated on a gorgeous redhead.

As they made their way through the crowd, they were greeted by the Prewett twins, Gideon and Fabian – friends of James’ from the rugby team.

“Hey, lads,” Gideon spoke first as he pulled James into a brotherly hug and patted his shoulder. “How’s it?”

“Good,” James replied. He turned to greet Fabian. It had taken him quite some time to be able to tell the twins apart, but once he learned Fabian had a scar that cut through his eyebrow, it was easier. It was also for that reason that James had deemed him the more attractive twin. “Hey, sexy.”

“Hey, Potter,” Fabian laughed at James, and he nodded to Sirius. “How’s it, Sirius?”

“Hey guys,” Sirius replied. “You lost Mary already?”

“She went to find a drink,” Fabian explained. “But never mind that, who’s this you brought with you guys?”

James had momentarily forgotten that Remus hadn’t met their friends before. “Oh, right! This is Remus, our new roommate.”

Fabian reached out to shake Remus’ hand, followed by Gideon. Remus smiled. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“And you,” Fabian chuckled. “Good luck rooming with these two animals.”

“Yeah,” Gideon joined in. “We had a suite with them first year, and it was messy.” He emphasized the second syllable of the word.

“Hey!” James crossed his arms dramatically. “I know for a fact that those weren’t our dirty socks everywhere!”

“Well…” Sirius muttered. “They weren’t mine anyways.”

“You’re supposed to back me up here,” James stage whispered with one hand cupping his mouth.

Remus chuckled with a look of amusement. “I’ll be glad that I have my own room then.”

As the night went on, their group migrated throughout the house. They had managed to lose the twins at some point and were making their way into a lounge area that had an arrangement of couches and overstuffed armchairs. In one sat the redhead girl that James had been eyeing earlier. 

Sirius noticed who had caught James’ attention and pulled Remus close to whisper in his ear. “Ten pounds says she rejects him.”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “I’m not taking that bet. I happen to know that she’s a lesbian. That’s my best friend, Lily.”

James continued to approach the girl while his friends held back. He ran a hand through his messy dark curls. “Hello there.”

The girl looked up from where she sat in her chair. The redhead had stunning green eyes adorned with shimmery eye makeup that matched her glittery lavender dress.

“I’m James Potter,” he introduced himself.

She smiled back. “Lily Evans. Can I help you?”

James ran his hand through his hair again, a nervous habit he had acquired over the years. “Well, I couldn’t help but notice how absolutely stunning you look tonight,” he noticed the couple on the couch next to Lily exchange a look. “So I thought I would ask you for a dance. What do you say, Evans?”

“Well, I must say I’m flattered; however, I am a lesbian,” Lily smiled softly, and James saw Remus and Sirius giggling across the room behind Lily.

James’ face went pink, and he immediately started blubbering out apologies. “Oh God! Lily, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Suddenly, Remus was there, placing a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “I see you’ve met my best mate, then, James.”

James looked dumbfounded at the two of them. He playfully shoved Remus’ shoulder. “You bastard! You could have told me!”

“And miss out on the show?” Sirius was laughing as he got closer. He reached for Lily’s hand. “I’m Sirius by the way.”

Lily smiled and shook Sirius’ hand. “And I’m Lily.” She looked back at Remus. “I assume these are your roommates, then?”

Remus nodded. “In the flesh.”

James looked between Remus and Lily in shock, dumbfounded that Remus had sat back and watched him as he flirted with Lily. Despite the embarrassment, James respected his humor. “I can’t believe you let me hit on her.”

“Relax, Potter,” Lily said as she stood. “We can still dance if you’d like. I just didn’t want you to think you were dancing with a straight girl.”

“Whatever,” James pouted.

Sirius smacked the back of his head lightly. “Oh, get over it.”

Remus laughed at their antics and gestured to the two of them. “Here, I’ll introduce you guys. You’ve met Lily, and on the couch is Marlene sitting on their girlfriend Dorcas’ lap.” He chuckled. “Guys, this is James and Sirius.”

Sirius smirked at the girl who was running her hands through her partner’s hair. “Dorcas, eh? Guess I found another person whose parents weren’t sober during the naming process.”

Dorcas chuckled and raised her glass with her free hand. “I’ll drink to that. You guys can just call me Cas.”

“And somewhere over there are Gideon and Fabian, some friends of James’ from the rugby team,” Remus gestured vaguely to the other side of the room.

“Remus, darling,” Marlene spoke up. “What did we tell you about befriending rugby lads?”

James feigned offense and scoffed. “Excuse you, we are delightful and not at all loud and obnoxious.”

Marlene laughed. “Well, as long as you’re self-aware.”

“Come on, everyone,” Lily grabbed James’ hand. “Let’s dance!”

There were several shouts of excitement as everyone stood and followed him and Lily into the crowd. Remus began to go along but noticed Sirius wasn’t moving.

“Sirius, you coming?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, just a minute. You go on ahead.”

Remus looked at him carefully, but he conceded. “Alright then…”

A few hours later, James was having the time of his life. He danced carelessly to a 2010s hits playlist that was surely playing. He sang along with the crowd to the One Direction song that flooded the room.

“Maybe it’s the way she walked! Straight into my heart and stole it!” James shouted as he danced cheesily with Lily. “Through the doors and past the guards! Just like she already owned it!”

Lily laughed. “A Directioner, are you?”

“Of course I am,” James announced incredulously. “Who isn’t?”

“Oh no,” Sirius interjected, his words starting to slur together. “Don’t get him started on One Direction, he’ll never stop.”

Remus chuckled. “You have to admit, they are pretty hot.”

Sirius groaned. “Not you too, Remus!” He exclaimed. James watched him lean into Remus as he danced. He knew that Sirius had had too much to drink tonight. He was practically hanging onto Remus as if he couldn’t stand on his own. 

“Oi, Sirius, maybe you oughta slow down on the drinks, mate,” James suggested before turning back to Lily, who was still going on about the boy band to Marlene and Dorcas.

“I guess I never really saw the appeal. Like, sure, the music is good, but everyone goes mental over those boys,” Lily shrugged.

James mockingly clutched his chest. “You wound me, Evans, really. Those boys were my gay awakening – actually, maybe they were yours too.”

Lily laughed. “You may be onto something there.”

“My normalness about Harry Styles was definitely how I knew I’m not into men,” Dorcas interjected from where she danced, pressed against Marlene’s back.

Suddenly, Sirius abruptly announced, “I’m gonna get another drink.”

James watched his friend as he removed himself from Remus and struggled to regain his balance as he pushed through the dancing people. Something was going on with him tonight. Sure, Sirius always drank his weight in whatever was available, but this seemed different. James’ eyes landed on Remus, who was watching Sirius walk away with an odd expression that James couldn’t quite place. When Remus turned back to the group, he made eye contact with James but quickly looked away, a blush so faint creeping onto his face it could have just been a trick of the light. Strange…

“Now, this is my kind of music,” Lily exclaimed, pulling James from his thoughts.

He snorted. “Miley Cyrus? Really?”

“You say it with that tone, Potter, yet you know that it’s Miley Cyrus,” Lily smirked. “Care to explain how that is?”

James laughed and shook his head. This night was just getting started.

—-------

Fuck the lights. Fuck this drink. Fuck Remus Lupin. And fuck, how the lights and his drink made Remus Lupin look like an actual Greek god.

They had been at the party a few hours by then, and Sirius had downed an obscene number of drinks. James had told him to slow down, but James didn’t know. He didn’t know how the lights danced gracefully across Remus’ face. He didn’t know how Remus’ jumper rose just enough to see his mid-drift as he danced. He didn’t know how absolutely beautiful Remus’ laugh was. But Sirius knew. Goddamn it, he knew. And it was going to kill him. So he downed another glass. And another. He needed a distraction. He needed Mary.

Sirius stood by the drink table, eyes mindlessly wandering the room. He hated how they always seemed to pick out Remus from the crowd. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He filled his cup again.

Fuck me, he thought as he drank. Where’s Mary when I need her?

As if he had summoned her, Mary Macdonald suddenly appeared by his side.

“Hey, Black,” she smirked at his state. “You look like hell.”

“Wow,” Sirius scoffed. “You sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself.”

Mary filled her own cup. “I mean, you look shitfaced. How can you even form a sentence? How many have you had?”

“That’s between me and my liver, thanks,” Sirius joked as his words slurred.

“I think I have my answer. Your coherence whilst drunk will never cease to amaze me,” Mary chuckled. She took a long drink. “Anyway, who are you here with?”

That was just the question Sirius was hoping she would ask. The question. The answer to which determined the way his evening would go. Simply telling her was just with his friends tonight had endless possibilities. Several times, that particular answer had resulted in them drunkenly stumbling into any available secluded room, tripping over discarded articles of clothing. Other times had evoked one of them to shove the other against the nearest wall, hands and mouths wandering. 

“Just with my mates, you?” Sirius looked Mary in the eye.

“Let’s just say I was hoping that would be the case,” Mary smirked. She placed her cup down on the nearby table and turned back to Sirius. “I’m sure you won’t mind me doing this then.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning into him and pulling him into a kiss.

“No, I don’t mind at all,” Sirius mumbled, allowing his hands to dip below her waist, pulling her closer. Mary took a couple of steps back, letting him push her against the wall as he deepened the kiss and trailed his hands up her back.

—-------

“I’m going to get another drink,” Remus said to his friends. “You guys want anything?”

Only James, Lily, and Dorcas remained of their group. Gideon had gone off a while ago with some girl; Fabian, to find the bathroom; Marlene had seen some of their other friends to chat with.

James shook his head as he continued to dance to the music. “Nah, I’m alright.”

“Lily? Cas?” Remus asked the girls. 

“No thanks,” Dorcas said as they both shook their heads.

“You’re sweet, though,” Lily placed a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t get anything too strong; you want to be able to walk home.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved her off. 

Remus turned and began to make his way through the crowd. There were so many people, and Remus vaguely wished he had just stayed with his friends. Big, loud parties weren’t exactly Remus’ usual scene, believe it or not. He had really only agreed to come because of Sirius, who he hadn’t even seen in a while. Sirius and his winning smile and perfect hair. The way he seemed to genuinely want Remus around. Remus’ mind flashed with the image of Sirius’ face. The possible look of disappointment before Remus agreed to the game night. Remus looked around the room, overly aware of how close everyone seemed to be standing to him, wondering briefly where Sirius had wandered off to.

Unfortunately, Remus hadn’t needed to look very far. There Sirius was. In all his glory. Pressing a gorgeous girl against the wall with his knee between her thighs, right next to where Remus was headed. He was suddenly aware of just how much he didn’t want to be there. Without a second thought, Remus turned on his heel and shoved his way outside. When he reached the back porch of the society house, he started to dig through his pockets. Remus nervously looked around as he pulled out his cigarettes and let out a sigh of relief when he found that he was alone. Placing the cigarette between his teeth, he lit it with the rainbow lighter Lily had gotten him at a Pride event.

Of course , he thought as he inhaled and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. I should have known he was straight. I always want what I can’t have.

15-year-old Remus Lupin clutched the straps of his school bag as he walked down the hall that dreadful Monday morning. Everyone seemed to be staring at him. But that couldn’t be. He had always tried his hardest to slip by unnoticed. Surely they weren’t looking at him.

Remus turned the corner, and his locker came into view along with several older boys who were mobbed around it. As he got closer, he could see the big, red letters plastered across the metal:

FAGGOT

He stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn’t told anyone but his best friend. How did people find out? He had been so careful…except for last Friday night. At the party. Remus scolded himself for letting his friends convince him to drink. 

After one drink too many, Remus had found himself off his face in a secluded corner, quietly people watching. Then he walked over. And before he could stop himself, Remus began to flirt. He asked the guy out, and Remus – poor, drunk, Remus – had thought the other had been nice about it. Remus had let down his guard that night and let slip his biggest secret. Now he was standing with his posse of homophobic pricks in front of Remus’ locker.

“Look who it is,” he announced when he saw Remus approaching. “The little queer himself.”

“What do you want, Fenrir?” Remus asked, trying to keep his voice level.

Fenrir’s friend laughed. “So brave for a little girl.” The other boys in the circle laughed along.

Remus tried to push his way to his locker, but Fenrir stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?” He pushed Remus’ shoulders. “You think you could just try and get with me the other night and not face the consequences?”

Remus stumbled backward at his force. “What do you want?” He asked again, this time his voice wavered.

“Admit it.” Fenrir pushed Remus again. This time, Remus’ back hit the wall of lockers, and Fenrir didn’t let go. “Tell everyone what a pathetic little fag you are. Thinking every time a boy is nice to you, he wants you.”

Remus tried to remove Fenrir’s grasp on his shoulders. 

“Yeah, go on!” One of the boys behind Fenrir shouted, and there was more laughter. “Say it!”

Remus looked around the hall at the other boys. Some were whispering, others looked amused, and a few looked possibly concerned. Fenrir tightened his grip on him, and Remus could feel his fingernails digging into his skin. Remus felt his eyes begin to burn. No, he thought. I won’t let them see me cry.

“This seems a bit harsh,” Remus heard someone whisper.

“This is an all-boys school; what did he expect?” Someone else snickered in response.

“Come on, Lupin,” Fenrir snarled. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Me pressing you against the wall? Will you need to have a wank once I’m done with you?”

Remus’ temper flared. He spat in Fenrir’s face. “Fuck off!”

“You’re going to regret that!” Fenrir shouted. He pulled Remus toward him, then slammed him against the lockers; Remus’ head bounced off the metal.

Suddenly, there was a jingling of keys, and Fenrir let go of Remus as a teacher appeared. Remus rubbed the back of his head. Fuck, that hurt.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Greyback?”

“Not at all, Miss.” Fenrir sent Remus a warning glare.

“Mr. Lupin?”

He looked over to see several boys blocking his vandalized locker from her view. “It’s nothing, Miss Anders.”

“Are you sure, dear?”

Fenrir narrowed his eyes, and Remus had no choice but to mutter, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Remus!” Sirius’ drunken voice pulled him from his thoughts. “There you are!”

Remus turned and saw Sirius staggering towards him. Sirius walked up to Remus with so much force that he nearly fell over, and Remus caught him by the shoulders.

“Fuck, Sirius. How much have you had to drink?” Remus asked as he tried to steady him. “God, I can smell it on you.”

Sirius messily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Remus, has anyone told you how pretty you look in the moonlight?”

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. “You’re drunk, Sirius.”

“So?” Sirius drawled, he reached to cup Remus’ cheek. “That doesn’t mean you’re not pretty.”

Remus grabbed Sirius’ wrist and lowered his hand from his face. “I’m taking you home.” Remus slung Sirius’ arm over his shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Come on.”

Remus guided Sirius back through the party. He wondered if he should get James, but when he looked around, Remus noticed he was quite occupied with one of the Prewett twins in the corner.

Remus quickly texted James, saying he’d taken Sirius back to their apartment before heading out and practically dragging Sirius down the sidewalk. 

Their apartment complex was only a couple of blocks from campus, so normally the walk wouldn’t be bad. However, trying to get a terribly drunk, full-grown, college guy to walk any distance in a straight line was a challenge. After struggling down the sidewalk, the two reached their building, and Remus had never been so thankful for elevators. He imagined trying to get Sirius up a few flights of stairs while not being completely sober himself would have been even more of a disaster. Remus lugged Sirius out of the elevator and down to the end of the corridor.

“Alright,” Remus muttered. “Where’s your key, Sirius?”

Remus really should have brought his own, but he hadn’t seen the point when both his roommates had theirs. Now he realized what a stupid decision that was. What if both James and Sirius had ended up going home with other people? Just because he wasn’t into random hookups didn’t mean that they weren’t. This was college, after all.

Sirius looked at Remus with a confused expression. “Huh?”

“The key to the apartment, Sirius.”

“Oh…uh…it’s in my pocket.” Sirius fumbled through his leather jacket to find his key. He tried for a moment to unlock the door himself but was unsuccessful.

“Here, let me do it.” Remus took the key from Sirius and opened the door.

“Woah, you’re magic,” Sirius mumbled in awe.

Remus pulled Sirius into the kitchen. “Nope, it’s just a key.”

Sirius stumbled into the kitchen table as he tried to make his way to his bedroom. His steps were heavy and uneven, so Remus grabbed him by the waist again to guide him to his room. He steered around the couch and into the hall to Sirius’ door.

Sirius broke free from Remus, pushed open the door, and promptly fell, face-first onto his bed. His legs hung over the edge. Remus sighed and walked over to adjust him so that he wouldn’t end up on the floor in a few hours. Sirius still wore his Doc Martens, so Remus carefully removed them and placed them at the foot of the bed.

As Remus went to leave, Sirius turned his head to look at him. “You’re gorgeous, Moony.”

“Moony? What does that mean?” Remus’ voice was quiet.

“You know, like your jumper,” Sirius mumbled.

Blood rushed to Remus’ face, causing a faint blush. “Goodnight, Sirius.”

“Goodnight, Moony.”

Remus backed into the hall, and he closed the door behind him, leaning his back against it, looking at the ground. Fuck me.

Chapter Text

Saturday August 24

The sound of the shower running drew Sirius out of his fitful sleep. He groaned as he rolled over, bringing his pillow over his face. His head was pounding, and the light from the window burned his eyes.  He hadn’t realized just how drunk he had gotten last night. It felt as though a bus had run him over repeatedly. Sirius tried to recall what had happened the night before that could have left him feeling this hungover.

Fuck, Sirius inwardly groaned. Remus.

Remus, has anyone ever told you how pretty you look in the moonlight?

Flashes of the lights cascading over the man’s face flooded Sirius’ mind. Remus had looked so perfect last night, and he hadn’t even been trying – he had worn that bloody moon phase sweater for fuck’s sake.

“You’re gorgeous, Moony.”

“Moony? What does that mean?”

“You know, like your jumper.”

Sirius pressed the pillow against his face and briefly wondered how long it would take for him to suffocate. He let out an aggravated yell that was muffled by the pillow. Why had he said those things to Remus? That was such a stupid thing for him to do. He threw the pillow to the floor, deciding that James finding him dead was not something he needed to add to his growing list of problems. 

The door to his shared bathroom opened, and James poked his head into Sirius’s room before entering, smirking at the sight of his terribly hungover best mate.

“Morning, princess,” James teased. “Was your pillow being mean to you?” He went to pick the thing up and threw it at Sirius.

“Fuck off,” Sirius swore as he flipped James off. “If I could stand up without vomiting, you would be so dead right now, mate.”

“Is that so, sleepyhead?” James rolled his eyes. “Did you have fun last night, then?”

“What?” Sirius ran a hand over his face, feeling the day-old stubble on his chin, panicked for a moment that James was talking about Remus.

“With Mary?” James cocked his head at Sirius’ reaction. “Unless that was someone else I saw you snogging.”

“Oh no, yeah. Mary,” Sirius nodded quickly, regretting the rapid motion instantly as his head began to rush. “Honestly, I don’t really remember much after that…I um, I must have blacked out or something.”

James smirked. “Well, you did practically drink your weight in whatever the fuck that punch was. Remus was kind enough to drag you back here so Fabian and I could get reacquainted, if you know what I mean.”

Sirius chuckled as James waggled his eyebrows suggestively, but his response was halfhearted. “Good on you, mate.”

“Anyway,” James continued as he squeezed Sirius’ shoulder. “Remus and I are going on a quest to find donuts and coffee. Care to join us?”

“No,” Sirius answered a little too quickly. “I’m really hungover. I think I’m just going to chug some water and take a shower.” He ran a hand through his messy hair, tugging at the ends. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

James shoved one hand in his pocket and let the other one glide through his hair. He held Sirius’ gaze. Sirius hated that look. It meant that James could tell that something was wrong. “Are you okay, Sirius?”

“Yeah, mate,” Sirius cleared his throat and nodded. James knew him too well after all these years. “I’m good.”

“Arlight then,” James didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t press on. It was common knowledge that if Sirius wanted to talk, he would. “If you say so. Text me if you need anything, yeah?”

“I will,” Sirius attempted a smile. “See you later.”

“Later,” James smiled back and turned to walk back to his room.

“Oi!” Sirius said before James shut the door all the way. “Bring me back a donut with sprinkles!”

“Already on it,” Sirius heard James chuckle.

When the door latched shut and Sirius was sure that James was leaving, he pulled his knee to his chest and rested his forehead against them. So many thoughts flooded his mind, but only one stood out.

I’m in deep shit.

—-------

Remus waited in the kitchen for James to see if Sirius would join them for breakfast, thinking of last night’s party. Part of him begged for Sirius to stay behind; however, Remus was a little curious to see how the man would act after what had been said.

He’s straight, Remus reminded himself bitterly, images of Sirius kissing that girl sneaking to the forefront of his mind. And he was drunk.

Remus felt his phone buzz and pulled it out of his pocket to see his mother’s contact filling the screen. He answered the call and held up his phone so she could see his face.

“Bore da, momma,” Remus smiled brightly.

“Bore da, cariad,” Hope’s sweet voice answered. “How are you, my love?”

“Really good, momma,” Remus said as though his thoughts weren’t occupied by Sirius’ words. “I uh…I went to a party with some friends last night.”

“Oh, fy mabi, that’s wonderful!” She exclaimed. “With Marlene and the girls?”

“Well, they were there too, but I actually went with my roommates,” he explained. He ran a hand through his hair. “James and Sirius. And they introduced me to some ruby lads.”

Hope shook her head fondly. “Parties, rugby lads…sounds like you’re branching out.”

“Momma…” Remus drew out the word in feigned annoyance.

Hope was beaming. “Oh, shush. This will be good for you. I’m glad you’re having a good time with your new friends.”

“Me too,” he smiled. He knew that more socializing would not be a bad thing. Just then, Remus heard James’ footsteps in the living room. “I have to go now, James and I are getting breakfast.”

“Oh, can’t I say hi to him, cariad?” Hope leaned closer to the screen as if that would allow her to see out of frame.

“Yeah, car-ee-at,” James joked in a bad Welsh accent, as he approached Remus. “Can’t she say hi to the amazing James Potter?” He pretended to plead.

Remus chuckled and tilted his phone as James leaned in. “Momma, this is James. James, my mum, Hope.”

James smiled and weaved. “Hello, Mrs. Lupin, aren’t you looking rather lovely this morning! You know, your son here is just the absolute best.” He slung an arm around Remus’ shoulders. “He made sure my idiot of a best mate made it back home last night so I could chat up some guys. Real chivalrous lad we’ve got here.”

Hope gave Remus a knowing look as she chuckled at James’ remark. “Well, I did raise a very caring boy. Anyway, I’ll let you two get to your breakfast.”

“Iawn, momma,” Remus smiled. “I’ll talk to you later, love you!”

“I love you too, fy mabi.” Hope smiled back before ending the call.

Remus turned to James. "Breakfast, then?”

“Of course, fih-mah-bee,” James said again in his bad attempt at a Welsh accent. “I didn’t know your mum spoke Welsh.”

“I did tell you my whole family is from Wales…” Remus chuckled.

“Do you speak it, then?” James asked as they made their way out of the apartment.

Remus nodded. “It’s my first language. I had to learn English really young, though, since I went to an English primary school.”

“Makes sense,” James said decisively. “That’s kind of how my family is, too. Except it’s my grandparents who are from Saudi Arabia. Both my parents grew up in the U.K.”

“Do you speak Arabic, then?” Remus asked.

James nodded. “I’m mostly fluent, anyway.” He answered as they entered the elevator. He pressed the first-floor button. They stood in silence as they descended the first couple of floors before James spoke again. “Oh, also, I wanted to thank you for getting Sirius home last night. I know he can be…a lot.” James shook his head and chuckled.

Remus turned his focus away from James when the elevator dinged and the doors opened between the welcome desk and the doors to the outside, opposite a small lounge. The lobby was an open space with large floor-to-ceiling windows on the wall that faced the street. A couple of vending machines were lined up against the wall next to the red overstuffed armchairs. Remus and James bypassed the lady at the desk with a small nod of acknowledgment.

“It was no problem,” Remus felt the sudden need to change the subject, so he cleared his throat. “So, which twin were you off with last night?”

James’ face was overcome with a grin. “Fabian.”

Remus smiled at the pride in James’ voice as they walked side-by-side out the door. “You guys together, then?”

James laughed, making Remus regret having asked the question. “No, no, it’s not like that. Fabian and I have always been close, but we’re just friends. But whenever we’re bored…Anyway, we have a strict one hookup per semester rule.”

Remus gave him a suspicious look. “You can’t be serious.”

He shook his head. “Technically, it did start as a joke, but since we’re both chronically single, it’s kinda panned out that way.”

Remus was truly astonished by both James and Sirius’ ability to be so casual about this sort of thing. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, never came easy to Remus. “Ah, I see,” he said, though he didn’t really. “You have a good time, then?”

“I sure did,” James said, pulling out his phone to put in the address of the donut shop they had found online. The two walked down the sidewalk, passing several students who seemed to recognize James by their acknowledging nods – probably since he was a student athlete, Remus concluded. Their apartment building wasn’t technically on campus, but it might as well be considering its proximity. It was located among a few other complexes, mostly occupied by university goers. The area was perfect for being right next to the school, as it was riddled with cafes, second-hand shops, and fast food. The “college district,” as people liked to call it, spanned several blocks in all directions around the school and was home to anything a uni student could need. “Not nearly as good a night as Sirius had, though.”

“Oh?” Remus’ heartbeat quickened, wondering what exactly James meant. Had Sirius said something when James went to talk to him before they left?

“This way,” James mumbled as he led him around a corner. “Yeah, he had so much fun he can’t even remember how his night ended.” Remus let out a relieved sigh that unfortunately caught James’ attention. “You alright, mate?”

“He doesn’t remember what happened last night?” Remus asked quickly, ignoring James’ concern.

“Guess not,” James continued slowly. “Apparently, he remembers finding Mary…oh yeah, I guess you didn’t actually get to meet her last night. She and Sirius have been together off and on for the past couple of years. Not really much of a relationship, though. He said he must have blacked out or something.”

“Oh,” Remus said again. Part of him had hoped that maybe Sirius would have actually meant what he had said, even though Remus knew he had been way too drunk to have coherent thoughts. Sirius didn’t remember the words shared under the star-lit sky or back in his room. He wasn’t sure how to feel – how was he supposed to feel?

James nudged Remus with his elbow. “We’re here. Are you sure you’re alright, Remus?”

His attention snapped back to the present, away from the images of Sirius’ face in the moonlight. “Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

James looked as though he wanted to say something, but decided against it.

“Come on, let’s get breakfast,” Remus pushed the door open and walked through, James at his heels. He decided right then and there that Sirius not remembering was for the best. He was just going to drop it. The last thing Remus needed was an overdramatic love life.

—-------

Tuesday August 27

James Potter was many things. A straight “A” student, a hardcore athlete, a great listener, adventurous, strong, kind. He always put others before himself. When he was younger and his grandmother was sick, he did his best not to cause trouble. He was good and quiet and everything his grieving mother needed him to be. During sixth form, when Sirius spent more time at the Potter’s house than his own, James made sure Sirius felt safe. He listened and he hugged and he let Sirius process in the way he needed to. So when Sirius applied to the University of Manchester, so did James. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere but with his best friend – his brother. James Potter may put all his loved ones before himself, but nothing got between him and his daily runs. The habit began in Year 7 with laps around his family estate, which turned into running through the country lanes around the property. Two runs a day, one in the morning, one after lunch. The only unwavering thing in an ever-changing world.

James came to an abrupt stop as the walk signal for the crosswalk turned red and cars sped by in front of him. His breath was heavy, and he could feel the sweat dripping off his neck down his bare back. He was sporting a dark purple University of Manchester ball cap, and his glasses were tinted from the sun. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to switch the song playing in his earbuds. He smiled when he heard Freddie Mercury’s voice.

Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive

And the world, I’ll turn it inside out, yeah

I’m floatin’ around in ecstasy

So, don’t stop me now

Don’t stop me

‘Cause I’m havin’ a good time

Havin’ a good time

The walk signal turned again, and James resumed his speed. There were just a couple of blocks left to the apartment, and if he had had the time before class, James would have gone for a bit longer. But he definitely needed a shower before ethics. At the last corner before the apartment building, James slowed to a walk, letting himself catch his breath before walking inside.

Once he made it into his unit, he kicked off his running shoes and filled a glass with water. James looked at the clock on the stove, noting he had enough time to sit for a bit before showering. He sat down at the kitchen table and leaned back in the chair. The apartment was empty and strangely quiet. If James wasn’t having his ear talked off by Sirius, normally, there would at least be the faint sounds of Remus’ record player to fill the silence. James didn’t like the quiet. Never had. He loved being surrounded by the sounds of life: friends laughing, movies playing, music serenading the air. He had half a mind to connect his phone to the speaker and turn on his playlist at obnoxious levels. But before he could open the settings on his phone, the device began to ring. To James’ surprise, the contact on the screen wasn’t the stupid picture of Sirius but a circle with the initials R.B., and he didn’t hesitate to answer the call.

“Regulus? Are you okay?” James asked in a panic. Regulus wouldn’t call him unless it was an emergency and Sirius hadn’t answered. There was a low breath from the other side of the call, and James wondered if he had been crying. “Regulus. Did something happen? What’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” Regulus’ voice was quiet as it broke. “I didn’t mean to bother you. Evan and Barty are out together, and Sirius is in class, and I knew you said I could call you if I ever–”

James cut him off. “Regulus. What happened?”

“My mo– Walkburga showed up,” Regulus whispered, and James’ heart broke.

“She what?! What did she want? What did she do? Are you okay?” James felt anger wash over him.

“It’s fine, your mum handled it, but I just needed to talk to someone to take my mind off of it.” Regulus took a deep breath, and James wanted nothing more than to give him a hug.

“Regulus. What the fuck did she do?” James would dismantle that horrendous woman’s pedestal brick by brick if that meant she could never hurt Sirius or Regulus ever again. 

“James, really. I’m okay now, I just want to talk about something else,” Regulus pleaded.

“Fine,” James sighed as he conceded. Although he made a mental note to call his mother later. “What have you been up to since Sirius and I left?”

Regulus let out a relieved breath, hearing James change the subject. “Evan and Barty are helping me redo your guest room a bit. Effie said I could do whatever I’d like with it.”

James smiled. “Yeah, mum’s good like that.”

“She is,” Regulus agreed. “I’ll send you pictures when we’re all done.”

“Yes! You have to!” James switched his phone from his left to his right ear as he ran a hand through his hair. “What else have you been doing?”

“I checked out some of the local shops and stuff. I found a cool used book store that doubles as a record store.” James could hear the smile beginning to form on Regulus’ face as he spoke about the several Oscar Wilde novels and Stevie Nicks vinyls he found. James let him go on and on about anything he wanted, as he knew Regulus needed the distraction. Ever since he had met Sirius, James had had to watch that woman dampen his spirit, crush his soul, and suffocate his life. Then, James had to witness it all over again with Regulus. So no, when James noticed it was time for him to go to class, he didn’t end the call. It was only the first week, and all he would miss was the syllabus. He let Regulus talk, and he engaged in the conversation until he heard Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. loudly enter Regulus’ room.

“Oh, hey guys,” Regulus’ voice shifted into a more comfortable tone when he saw his best friends. James liked it. “I have to go. Thanks, James. Really.”

“Yeah, no problem. Anytime,” James answered, slightly disappointed that their conversation was ending.

The call ended before either of them actually said goodbye. James stared at his screen saver for a moment before deciding to go shower. Sirius would be home soon and would probably like to hang out after a long day of classes. He briefly wondered if Regulus had tried to call Sirius before him, despite knowing his older brother was in class. James was almost positive that that was the case, considering he wasn’t the type to always ask for help. James knew that both Sirius and Regulus had grown up in an oppressive household. The countless times James had heard Walburga and Orion tell his friend, “Blacks don’t stray, Toujours Pur.” 

Always Pure.

That phrase was stamped onto Sirius’ school trunk in fancy French cursive, and it seemed to haunt his every move. James had watched as Sirius brushed off questions on where his bruises came from. He saw the way Sirius became snappish and withdrawn the last few days before returning home for breaks. James couldn’t imagine how Regulus felt being expected to be the perfect daughter. Being treated like one thing, knowing it wasn’t right. Knowing he would never live up to his parents’ idea of who he was. James hoped that the results of the trip with Evan and Barty had been a freeing experience for the younger Black brother – that finally being his true self, Walburga and Orion be damned, was cathartic.

The warm water ran down James’ previously sweet-soaked body. He ran his hands through his soapy hair, trying to avoid getting shampoo in his eyes. James remembered that as a kid, he would throw fits if his mother accidentally allowed his eyes to burn as the soap dripped down his forehead. He smiled to himself at the memory of Euphemia taking a washcloth and delicately wiping his face to rid him of the discomfort.

James had always been so thankful for his parents. Not many had an absolute angel as a mother or a caring leader as a father. Never once had Euphemia and Fleamont failed to support James, even as he went through many experimental phases in secondary school. They were always open-minded and extended themselves to Sirius when he needed them. And now, with Regulus, they gave him a home despite both James and Sirius not living there anymore. They had no obligation to either, but welcomed them both with open arms.

“Oi! Jamie!” Sirius’ voice came after a knock on the door. “Hurry up! I told Remus we’d give him the grand tour of our favorite hangouts!”

“Okay, okay,” James answered. “I’m almost done!”

Quickly finishing up his shower, James made a note to talk to Sirius about the phone call later. He shut the water off and reached for his towel. As he stepped out of the shower, he caught the reflection of himself in the mirror. It was blurry due to his lack of glasses, but he put on a happy expression and left the bathroom for his bedroom to change.

—-------

Wednesday August 28

Remus sat at a table by the window in the campus cafe, allowing the early afternoon sun to cast itself onto his computer screen. It was the third day of classes, and he was completing one of the many introductory discussion assignments that came with a new semester. Remus yawned as he typed away on the device, thankful for the caffeine in his tea. James and Sirius had shown him around to some of their favorite places on and off campus last night – a cafe, a small secluded courtyard, a couple of quaint shops, and bars. They shared embarrassing memories and silly anecdotes as they gave him their tour. It had been a nice evening for a walk, and Remus was enjoying having more friends outside of Lily.

Despite how confusing Sirius was to read, Remus felt as though he fit nicely into his roommates’ friendship group. The only thing was, last night as they strolled about, Sirius had walked next to him the whole time, even putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder as he pointed out different things. Maybe Remus had imagined just how many times their shoulders brushed – he was beginning to suspect that forgetting about the party was going to be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. Then again, Sirius’ behavior toward him didn’t seem to be all that different from how he acted with James. Only, James and Sirius were childhood best friends, and Remus had only properly met Sirius barely a week ago.

What really irritated Remus was that he had finally gotten Sirius’ drunken words to stop replaying in his mind, and who would saunter into the cafe other than the aforementioned bastard himself. Sirius’ Doc Marten’s knocked on the tiled floor as he made his entrance, and Remus couldn’t help but watch the man as he ordered whatever it was he did at a coffee shop. He found himself wondering how Sirius liked his coffee. Did he like it black or with an absurd amount of cream? Did he prefer milk? Did he add hazelnut or nutmeg? Did he-

“Hey, Remus!” Sirius called as he turned away from the register. “Didn’t catch you before you left this morning. How was your first class?”

Remus cleared his throat. “It was good, just the introductory stuff. Need a place to sit, mate?”

Sirius smiled that gorgeous smile. “As long as you don’t mind me crashing the party.” He sat on the chair opposite Remus and leaned back in that carelessly nonchalant way that seemed to only be achieved by Sirius Black. He draped his arm on the back of his chair and nodded toward Remus’ computer. “Homework already?”

“Kind of,” Remus chuckled. “It’s just a discussion board for introductions for one of my online courses.”

“Ah,” Sirius leaned his head back slightly in acknowledgement. “My favorite thing ever.”

Remus nodded in agreement. “I know, right. If I have to explain my hobbies and future goals one more time, I may actually drop out.”

Sirius laughed and, fuck if Remus loved the sound. Sirius started to say something, but was cut off. “Mango dragonfruit with lemonade, for Sirius!”

“Be right back,” Sirius muttered as he went to retrieve his very pink drink from the barista with teal hair and pride pins on their apron.

There goes that mystery, Remus thought. He took a sip of his tea as Sirius made his way back to the table.

Sirius noticed the amused look on Remus’ face and smirked. “What?”

Remus shook his head but replied sarcastically. “Nothing, how’s your drink?”

“Just fine, thank you very much,” Sirius said indignantly. “Not all of us enjoy bloody black coffee. It’s way too bitter.”

“Whatever you say.” Remus took another drink. “Mine’s tea anyway. It’s still black, but it’s tea.”

“Of course,” Sirius tilted his head to the side.

“What?” Remus felt his face flush ever so slightly.

“Nothing,” Sirius took a drink. “Anyway, how are the rest of your classes?”

“Alright,” Remus answered. “I like my professors so far. I’ve had a couple of them before.”

“That’s good,” Sirius continued. “I mostly have all the same professors since most of my classes are in the art building. I do, however, have an English class to head to because I haven’t gotten around to Composition II yet.”

“Oh yeah? I’m headed to the English building as well,” Remus said without thinking.

Sirius smiled. “Perfect, we can go together.”

“Yeah, perfect.” Remus returned the smile, though he wasn’t sure “perfect” was the word he would use to describe the situation.

Sirius glanced at the silver watch on his wrist. “We should probably head over now. It takes bloody forever to get across campus.”

“Oh, I didn’t even realize the time,” Remus said as he noticed his class began in fifteen minutes. He had been hoping to get there a bit earlier, so he began to pack up his things. In the process of doing so, he knocked a pen onto the floor.

“I got it,” they both said as they bent down to pick it up. Their hands brushed as they reached for the ballpoint.

Sirius quickly pulled his hand away and cleared his throat as Remus put the pen back into his bag. “Let’s go, shall we?”

Remus didn’t pretend to understand what had just happened, but he chose to ignore that electrical feeling in his hand and followed the man out of the building.

—------

Saturday August 31

Lily sat cross-legged on Remus’ bed,  sipping the now lukewarm tea he had made her. She watched as Remus knelt on the floor in front of one of his bookshelves, reorganizing in order to fit the new books he had acquired earlier that day. Lily had decided that it was time for the two of them to hang out alone, as they hadn’t done so since moving back in. She had found a half-priced bookstore that had Remus written all over it and was only three bus stops away. 

“I think you need another shelf,” Lily commented when she noticed the considerable pile of books and the lack of space. “The three you have are clearly not enough.”

“I’m not the one who suggested a half-priced book shop,” he groaned and leaned his head back. He twisted his shoulders so he could look at her. “You know that just means I can buy twice as many.”

“Whatever you say, love,” Lily chuckled before taking another sip of her tea. “Mmm, this is really good. What is it?”

“It’s some Japanese matcha that Sirius really likes,” Remus provided, and he looked away from Lily. This wasn’t the first time Remus had mentioned his overly confident roommate’s name that day. Lily had a suspicious feeling as to why that was, but didn’t say anything about it in that moment. Remus had never been very chatty regarding his crushes – always shutting down the conversation before it could really begin. She rarely brought it up anymore unless he did first. However, that didn’t stop Lily’s ability to recognize infatuation when it was so clearly written across her best friend’s face.

“Is it?” She asked with a tilted head.

“Yeah, he found it at one of the local shops his first year,” Remus continued, looking back at her again. He ran a hand across his forehead to get his fringe out of his eyes. “He took me there when he and James were showing me around the other day, so I bout some to try. It’s good, I like it.”

Lily agreed, and Remus turned back to his book dilemma. She watched him fondly as he redid his system to include the new novels. Moments of calm comfort of familiar company were Lily’s favorite. There was never a time she wasn’t grateful for meeting the quiet new kid in the library halfway through Year 11.

It was the first day back from the winter holiday, and Lily was sitting in her usual spot in the library, reading a book she had gotten for Christmas, waiting for the bell to ring so she could head to her form classroom. She looked up from the pages to see one of the Year 12 prefects walking, followed by a lanky boy sporting auburn curls and an anxious expression. The prefect, Korian Abbas, saw Lily and motioned for the new kid to follow him over.

“Hey, Lily,” Korian said with a smile, and Lily bookmarked her page. “This is Remus, he’s in your form, and I was hoping you could show him around. I’ve just been assigned to help with the Year 5 assembly.”

Lily smiled and nodded. “Of course, Korian. No problem.”

“Awesome,” he said. “I knew I could count on you. I have to run, but Remus, let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

Remus nodded and gave a small smile, and Korian hurried off.

“Okay, hi,” Lily said breathily as she quickly collected her things and stood. “I’m Lily Evans, and I’m one of the Year 11 prefects.”

“Remus Lupin,” the boy said. He looked curiously at the book Lily had just shoved into her bag. “Are you reading Carry On? I love that book!”

“Yeah, my mum and dad got me the series for Christmas,” Lily explained excitedly. “Are you a reader then?”

“Oh yeah,” Remus nodded, and his smile widened, the ice beginning to thaw. “Last year I read, like, 70 books.”

“Whoa,” Lily let out a small giggle. “I wish. I love to sit outside in the courtyards here with a book during breaks when it’s nice outside. It’s nice to have a little reading break during the school day. You’ll have to join me.”

“That does sound nice,” Remus agreed.

“So, where are you from, Remus?” Lily asked as she began to lead Remus to their form room.

“Monmouth, Wales. My whole family has lived there forever,” Remus explained as he followed her.

“What brings you to Bradford Grammar, then?” Lily wondered. “Seems like a long way from home.”

“Oh, um, my dad got a new job,” Remus said quickly as he adjusted the strap of his bag, fiddling with the fabric.

Lily ignored the fact that he was obviously hiding part of the story and saw the look of relief on Remus’ face when she changed the subject.

Lily had since learned that Remus’ move from Monmouth to Bradford had little to do with his father’s new job. The truth had come out after Lily found Remus having a panic attack at the first party she had dragged him to. She had felt horrible for putting him in that situation, at first thinking he had just been overwhelmed. But when she got him back home, Hope had let her stay the night, and Remus had told her what had happened the last time he had gone to a party. It was no wonder that Remus was always so closed off about his romantic interests. He had been hurt by people who were supposed to be his friends – and not just once. Because of course, there was the whole thing with Severus Snape, Lily’s childhood best friend, who had grown into a really nasty person. He had bullied Remus right under Lily’s nose for several years before revealing his true colors to her. Even after leaving his homophobic peers in Wals, Remus couldn’t escape the discrimination. It had taken Lily overhearing Snape call her, his supposed best friend, a slur to his friend, before she finally realised that everyone else had been right. Snape was just like the homophobic pricks he surrounded himself with. Lily felt awful for subjecting Remus to his presence for so long.

As much as he had grown after all that had happened to him, it still haunted Remus. It stuck with him. And as much as people wanted to say that things were so much better nowadays, there were still people who were prejudiced and bigoted. A perfect example, Lily thought, was Sirius’ parents. From what Remus had told her, they were terrible and treated their sons horrifically. Lily couldn’t blame Remus for acting the way he did regarding the romantic part of his life, but she wished he would be more open with her.

Lily sipped her tea and tilted her head fondly as she watched Remus. “So.”

Remus looked back at her. “So…what?”

She smiled. “How are you liking rooming with James and Sirius? You seem to be getting on well with them.”

Remus nodded and shifted so he was facing her, criss-cross on the floor. “Yeah, it’s been good. I think we’re going to be good friends.”

“Mhm, friends,” Lily gave him a knowing look. “That’s good.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck is that look for, Lily Jo?”

“Damn, pulling out the middle name,” Lily shook her head, still smiling. “I just meant, you’ve talked my ear off about Sirius today, but I have yet to hear what James’ favorite tea is…”

Lily knew Remus would probably just gloss over the conversation and quickly change the subject. She did not, however, expect him to get defensive. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he turned away from her again.

“Touchy subject, then?” Lily smirked.

“Again, I don’t know what you’re on about.” He resumed his reorganization.

Lily set her mug on Remus’ new bedside table and pulled herself onto the floor to sit next to the man. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I think you do.”

Remus looked down at his lap and took a deep breath. “No, it’s nothing.”

“Okay,” Lily sighed and leaned back, resigned. She wasn’t by any means surprised at this reaction. “I need a snack. Do you still have those crisps I like?”