Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The battle was truly so average

Another run of the mill powerful mutant thinking it’s their time to shine only for that just beginning light to get violently stamped out by a gang of even more powerful mutants (and a overly armed billionaire, ex red room agent and acrobat, a Norse god, and Sam Wilson) otherwise known as the Avengers. The only stray from the norm was that said villain was a mental mutant, an incredibly smart middle aged man who seemed to have come up with some sort of gas that brought all a persons buried rage to the top, effectively blinding them with fury. That lovely combination of things is what led to about 50 New Yorkers going ape shit in the middle of the road while villain of the week stood levitated high enough above the madness to both look smug and avoid the chaos.  He was holding a canister of the gas like a bomb and he had every right too, according to the damage they were causing.

So ya, very average. 

Peter looked out on the street and honestly didn’t know what to think, of course he knew how it could be accomplished ( the human brain is surprisingly malleable) he just never truly let it in his mind that people could be so easily turned cruel and savage.. Not that they were bad people of course! He really just felt bad for them and hoped Mr Stark would be able to keep them out of legal trouble, it wasn’t their fault a mad man hijacked their prefrontal cortexes, but that's a thought for later. Right now Peter was tasked to help out restraining the now even more pissed off locals.  

Peter leapt off the building and decided to first focus on the old woman trying to break a fire hydrant with her cane, hoping to work his way up to the man punching trees.

After all was set and done Peter was able to safely tie up about 15 civilizations while Sam and Bucky got the rest. The perpetrator who apparently named himself Cerebrum (really just brain in latin? Come on man, you can think of something better than that!) was already cuffed and being questioned by Clint. All that was left to do was a debrief and he could get back to his project (he just figured out what was wrong with Ned’s computer and he had about 5 more days to give it major upgrade in time for his birthd-)

CRACK

Shit. 

He smelt it before he even processed what had happened. Two nostrils full of dark red gas that stunk of rotten metallic cinnamon, it cut through his thoughts like a hot knife, everything came bubbling up.

Pov change

I saw quick flashes of my past; Ben, May, the spider, Mr Stark, Flash,…Skip.  Along with that came every single bad memory of all of them; Ben’s death, May screaming at me, the spider biting me for no goddamn reason, Mr Stark taking away MY suit to act like he had some authority, Flash and his cruel bullying that has made my life hell for fucking years, and Skip, that dog shit of a human is getting out in 4 year 3 months and 5 days and It’s Not RIGHT.

My body tensed, my breathing shallowed, and my mind was clear. Oh finally clear, finally free. I’m enhanced, I could take down the whole team if I wanted too.

“Peter?”

Sam. Sam Wilson. Everything he’s ever done to me flashed before me. The pranks, the jokes that cut deep, the names, the lack of basic respect, the air of betterness he has over me. Not anymore. 

“Ok, Peter can you just face me for a sec, this isn’t you, I know you don’t want to hurt anyone”

“Wow, what am I a bomber? Really need to work on your talk down method Sam, that's like the only thing you're good at, and it doesn't even work half the time! This shit didn’t work on that jumper last week (I had to save that one) . What makes you think it’ll work now?” 

 I could see the statement cut deep, Sam's stance faltered slightly, he did a bad job at hiding his shock and discomfort. 

“Oh come on! I can’t be THAT PG, I give you one proper come back and you look like that”

“Peter I know you-”

“NO. YOU. DON’T!”

I couldn't hold back anymore, I just couldn’t wait. The way his face blooded on my fist was just so satisfying, after that I wasn't able to stop. Not that I wanted to anyway. All his attempts to stop me failed, he basically ragdolled and let me. Really just pathetic. I told him as such and all he did was groan, and look at me weird.

“ fuck, Sam? KID?”

And there's Sam’s other half, Bucky. The reason behind that stupid fight. The old man who mopes around the tower trying to make up for any sins he’s done in the past. I find only pity for him, but then it flashes in my mind he’s killed so many innocent people, he’s beat his ass in training, and just like Sam he thinks he’s so much better for that. He deserves the same. 

“Peter… if you keep that up he’s going to die.” Bucky gestured to Sam's beaten body lying behind me “You're going to kill him, Peter. I know you don’t want that. You're not thinking straight.”

“SHUT UP” 

I went straight for his abdomen hoping to cause as much damage as possible, some sort of sick curiosity over took me and all I could think of was what could kill a super soldier the quickest. I didn’t get a chance to find out before I heard the thrusters of that suit behind me,

that stupid suit. 

“Pete…..”

The bastard had the audacity to act scared.

Flashes

I left an unconscious Bucky to face him, he can wait, I’m gonna kill Iron Man. 

“Face me like a man Tony! You gonna die honorably? or like your little bitch of a daddy?”

But he didn’t, no, he just stayed in that suit…

It was like he was staring into my soul, taking me apart, like he knew everything about me. Like He Cared.

It was overwhelming, everything I’ve been feeling doubled. It was like my insides were being liquidated and boiled. Like if I just looked at him enough that suit would crush him leaving just a pile of blood and broken flesh, and when it did I wouldn’t be sad,

I would be…..

I- I would be….

What would I feel? 

All feelings dissipated, my head felt too light and everything felt too much.

The last thing I saw was the eyes behind that suit, staring at me through tears.

A reminder of why I wasn’t always like this.

Chapter Text

It was the whispers that woke Peter up; he never liked secrets, that was until his life became one. 

He remembers the late nights eavesdropping on Ben and May trying to figure out how bad their financial situation had gotten since his asthma diagnosis (spoiler it was bad), He remembers the guilt that weighed him down, the tears that welled up when he heard May crying about what they were gonna do. Ben was shot, One less mouth to feed but one less income; an eye for an eye. The stress between him and May elevated but the relative money problem was somewhat better.

 That lead to more secrets; his nightmares, the bite, spider-man, and May’s cancer diagnosis that she kept from him till the very end. That thought should make him angry but right now Peter can’t feel much of anything.

“ -it was just everything he.. He what? Suppressed?”

“That’s what I got back, the gas was specifically made to give a rush of adrenaline, serotonin, and weirdly enough nostalgia.”

“So what? Memories of the good old days made him pissed enough to beat the crap out of Sam and Bucky?”

“that’s the weird bit,There was something in the chemical reaction that triggered only negative memories; All Peter could feel was rage and all he could see were the people who wronged him,”

“That's.. That worrying, Do you think he’ll remember any of it?”

“Honestly I hope so, how would you explain to him why Sam and Buck are in the med bay? How do you think they’d feel if he didn’t know?”

“Alright let's not go there just yet, we still gotta wait for him to wake up.”

And that's how Tony had been since Peter started living with them; Always looking to the bright side or, in Bruce's opinion, always avoiding any friction. It was like he was scared to break Peter, like he was made of thin glass.

 Peter was only able to comprehend that the voices had stopped and was therefore worried, were they mad he was listening when he shouldn’t have been? It wasn’t like he understood any of it! Honestly he’s just as confused as before, and now the pounding of his head is becoming a lot more prominent and the lights on the other side of hiseyelidsaretooBrightAnd-

Peter let out a small pathetic whine of pain, a sound that if he was coherent enough to care would embarrass him to no end.

“Pete? Pete, Hey it’s alright, deep breath, it’s Tony and Bruce, you're in the med bay, could you open your eyes for me?”

“mmB’ight”

The lights miraculously turned down and Peter’s need for pain meds and answers finally won over his exhaustion.

He opened his eyes to find Tony sitting by his right side on the med bay cot and Bruce fiddling with what looks like a IV over on his right  

“Wh’t Happen’?”

“Well… you got hit out on field, messed with your head” 

“I g’t hit?”

Tony looked over at Bruce trying to gauge what info he should give out, after getting nothing but a slightly panicked stare he said,

“Well what do you remember?”

Peter thought back as far off as he could, he’d woken up, went to class, the alarm went off, he was on civilian duty with Bucky and Sa-

CRACK

“Oh…Oh God!”

Peter’s voice cracked off to a panicked sobbing, he curled into himself shaking, reliving the moments of the fight. His head filled with cotton balls falling out his ears and his mouth tasted metallic.

Oh God he really hurt them Sam was so bloody and broken, he was in so much pain he just had to let hiM! Oh GOd and Bucky he didn’t stop hitting him he didn’t stop he didn’t try he liked it he wanted them to HURT He didn’t KNow Why! WHY He made them feel pAin he HURT them they COULd Be Dead 

HE DIDN’T STOP HITTING THEM 

He couldn’t take a breath

“PETER, Peter you need to breathe!”

No.. NO he couldn’t it wasn’t like he deserved to hewaskillingthemanddidn’tevencarehewashurtingthemanddidn’tevenstophedidn’tevenstophedidn’tevenstophedidn’tevenstophedidn’tevenstophedidn’tevenstop

Hedidn’tevenstop

HE DIDN’T STOP

“Peter! They’re Alive, I Promise They’re Okay! You Need To Take Breath, Copy Me”

They.. They’re ok? He didn’t kill them?

“I *Gasp* D-didn’t-t?”

“Ya Kid, They’re alive ,They’re okay I Swear, Please take a breath”

Tony wrapped his arms around Peter, holding him while rocking him slightly in a soothing manner

It took a while, but Peter was eventually able to get over his panic attack leaving him drained and guilty. He was half awake in Tony’s lap resting his head in the nook between his head and shoulder.

“Are they awake?”

“Both are stable, Sam woke up a little over an hour ago he’s with Steve, and Buckly’s been up since last night ”

“h-how… How bad did I…?” 

“Nothing they can’t heal from”

Tony combed back Peter’s slightly greasy hair pressing a kiss on the crown of his forehead, tucking the thin hospital blanket around over Peter’s shoulders; trying to make him more comfortable

“Go to bed Pete, You can apologize to them when you wake up, I promise they won’t blame you”

With the added warmth of his mentor, a soft blanket, and the relief of those freaking pain killers kicking it; Peter lets himself go lax, taking comfort in the fact that tomorrow he can right his wrongs and mend his friendships,

Because they know him, and they know he isn’t like that.