Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It has been a while...

They say time heals everything, but time had not eased the dull ache in your chest, nor the persistent pain gnawing at your thoughts.

You had found work- coarse labor that occupied your hands, something to distract yourself.

But it is no use, for it still left your mind unchecked, haunted by memories of better times.

The wind carried wet earth and distant fires as you made your way through the city's outer districts.

It was late, the kind of night when the streetlamps cast more shadows than light.

You have been working on the railroad, every single day since.

The damp night air clings to your work-worn clothes as you trudge through the city's outskirts. Distant clangs of machinery echo through the alleyways as you pass shuttered shops and grimy boarding houses.

Your boots scuff against the cobbles, leaving faint marks in the slick grime.

To be honest, it is not a very good job- hence the reason it was sub-contracted to people like you, and the employee of the state-run railroad adminstrations gets to sit in his comfortable office all day...despite physical examination being required for them to get into their position, yet another reason out of the twenty million and two why humanity as a whole is so full of redundancy, it is not even funny at this point.

...not to mention, you often have to suppress the urge to just end it all when a train- or hell, even a trolley drive though...such as now.

You press yourself against the cold walls of a nearby signalling control station as another train thunders past, its metal wheels screeching like some beast from legend.

The concussive force sends a shudder through your body as heat rolls off its engine in waves. Your fingers tighten into fists against the rough brickwork, nails biting into your palms.

The flash of the headlamp briefly illuminates the blood on your work gloves—both yours and others' from earlier today.

As the sound fades into the distance, you look down with a weary sigh.

What the fuck are you doing with your life...this is definitely not what she wanted...

"Hey, hey, wake up!"

A feminine, yet slightly raspy voice disrupts your grim reverie...and the fact that you might have fallen asleep on the job again.

A hand grips your shoulder and gives you a rough shake, you tense immediately, but don't fight back- you've learned to react slower these days, it's not often worth the trouble.

A young girl stands before you, a navy blue hat with visors on her blond hair, with matching color suspenders and a white shirt- the kind of outfit that suggests she might also work here- just in a different position.

"Sleeping on your job again?" she says, blunt and direct, after calling your name.

"Oh hey Dooby," you answered, "Leave me alone, I didn't fall asleep. I was meditating on the cosmic meaning of my existence."

She snorts and crosses her arms, clearly skeptical.

"That better be the case, if you get caught by anyone else, you're out. No second chances here."

"As if I give a shit- but fine."

You grunt noncommittally and push yourself off the wall, muscles aching from the day's labor.

The train whistle fades into the distance, replaced by the rhythmic thud of distant machinery and the ever-present hiss of steam.

"Do you need something, Doob?" you ask, staring at the girl in front of you, her face flickering in the dim light of a nearby streetlamp.

Your words emerge more bitter than intended, as the conversation grinds to a halt.

She hesitates, then draws closer, speaking in a lower pitch.

"Actually yeah, I do need something. Or at least, I need to know something. About you." She pauses, collecting her thoughts, "You've been acting like this since...you first joined, and everyone's noticed."

Your jaw clenches involuntarily, fingers curling into fists.

The urge to lash out burns, but you manage to hold it back.

"I am fine, now leave me alone."

"Stop acting like I don't know you," she snaps, her previous caution evaporating, "We've worked together for a while now, and you're not fine...like this."

Her hand reaches out to grip your arm, and something about the gesture, the way she says 'like this', makes you flinch.

She's right, of course.

But acknowledging it...that's a door you don't want to open.

Not now, not here, and certainly not with her- in fact, you prefer to keep it close, forever.

The last thing you need is another person who is going to tell you everything is going to be okay, who can judge you for what you've done, or what you couldn't do...

Ach, fuck it.

Forgor the fact that you don't want to open that door- just tell her the bare basics, so she can leave you alone.

Your breath comes out in short, sharp bursts as you turn away from her, your back pressing against the cold brick wall. The discomfort helps ground you.

"Lost someone," you say flatly, each word falling like stones into still water. "Doesn't matter who. They're gone, now leave me the fuck alone."

There's a beat of silence before she exhales, slow and deliberate.

She leans against the wall beside you, not crowding but near enough to share the heat of her body in the cold night air.

You sense her watching your profile.

"I know how that feels," she says after a long pause, voice quieter now, "Not exactly the same, but... close enough that I know it doesn't go away."

Your fingers dig into your palms, the old cuts reopening under the pressure. The sting registers distantly. You don't look at her.

"Yeah? Well, that's real fucking comforting."

"It's not meant to be." Her words sharpen, defensive now. "It's just the truth. You think I don't see you walking around like a corpse? Talking like a dead man already?"

You exhale sharply through your nose, muscles coiling tight.

The urge to shove her away wars with the knowledge that she hasn't done anything wrong...

"...so she decided to leave, and to this day I don't know exactly why- we have a tearful goodbye at the beach, she leaves for the ocean to...wherever she is from, and I haven't been the same since."

There is a good reason you prefer to keep that door shut forever...

Since, well, or else this shit happens- you just can't help but go through one of your most painful memories to a colleague, like this is her fucking business.

But hey, she asks for it- and you are still sensible enough to not mention her name or anything that could implicate her, what she actually is, and most importantly, the things you and she do before her departure...

Dooby listens closely, her expression is...complicated.

Her face softens slightly, but there's something brittle beneath the concern.

She shifts closer, her shoulder brushing yours as she looks down at the ground between you.

"She went away," she murmurs. "Just like that."

You can hear the echo of her own story in the way she says it.

Your throat tightens. "Yeah."

You press your back harder against the wall, as if trying to bore holes in the brick with your body.

 The discomfort keeps you present, "Just like that."

She exhales sharply, then looks up at you.

"Do you think...she's okay? Wherever she went?" The question is innocent enough, but it strikes you like a blade to the ribs.

"I hope she is," you reply, your voice rough and quiet in the night air, "But I don't... think about it much. Pointless."

Dooby studies your face, searching for something.

"You do think about it. You just don't let yourself think about it very often."

Fuck, she's too damn perceptive...or maybe you're just too transparent.

"I think about things," you mutter. "That doesn't mean I dwell on them."

She snorts, shaking her head slightly.

"There's a difference between thinking and obsessing. And you? You do the second one when you think no one's watching."

"If you say so, Sherlock,"

"I am more of a Dr. Watson, but thanks for the compliment," she retorts, with a smile.

The conversation kind of lulls at this point, as the two of you stand side by side by the signalling control station.

Another train approaches, its rhythmic chug growing louder.

Neither of you moves or acknowledges it as it passes, the wind of its movement buffeting against your clothes.

"What are you going to do about it?" she finally asks, turning her head toward you slightly.

Your brow furrows. "Do about what?

"Well...yourself," she says, "I mean, you eventually have to move on, for your own good..."

"Move on?" You bark out a harsh laugh.

"That implies there's somewhere to go. A destination. But it's not like I can follow her, so this is all I do now: Just...keep living this shit, until I can't take it and jump in front of a trolley."

She flinches at the words, but doesn't look away. If anything, she stares harder, like she's trying to see through the cracks in your armor.

"That's not-" she starts, then stops herself, "You know what? Never mind. That's not what I meant."

You snort. "Yeah, I know what you meant. It's the same shit everyone says. You can't just-"

Dooby cuts you off by stepping closer.

Too close.

Her presence fills the space between you, heat and faint traces of machine oil and something floral rising from her skin.

Her hand lifts, then hovers inches from your chest before she lets it drop again.

"It's not about her," she says quietly, "It's about you. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life pretending you don't miss her? That you don't hurt?"

Her fingers brush against the front of your shirt, barely touching, "Because I see it every day. And I know what that kind of grief does to people."

Her words hang in the air between you.

A part of you wants to shove her away, to deny everything she's saying.

Another part- deeper, quieter- nods in agreement.

"That doesn't matter," you mutter, but the usual venom has dulled.

"Bullshit, it does," she says, firm but not unkind.

A slow, shuddering breath escapes you.

The truth is, you can't remember the last time someone looked at you like this- like they see you, not just the broken shell you've become.

The two of you just stood there, without a word.

A part of you wonders why the fuck Dooby even cared about you- most people don't, because why bother? Mind your own business.

There was even once a brief period of time you assume she is into you- well, until you find out she doesn't swing this way...

Still, she stays...which makes you a bit guilty.

"You don't have to do this," you finally say, roughly, "You don't have to care."

Her face shifts, a flash of something complicated passing through her features.

"Yeah, well. Too bad."

The corner of your mouth twitches, almost a smile. Almost.

"I have a theory," she continues, "Something that prevents me from...not caring."

Your shoulders tense, but you don't step back. The cold brick wall presses against your back, a solid presence that anchors you in place.

"Oh yeah?" Your voice is dry, but there's no real bite to it anymore. "Lay it on me, Dr. Watson."

A beat passes between you.

She exhales through her nose, lips pressing together for a moment.

"This...girlfriend of yours," she begins, "Is she blue and...stinky? Like a fish?"

What kind of question is that even?

But despite the absurdity of her question- you realize she is...somehow accurate.

Okay, maybe not the stinky part...but still, blue and a fish?

Your heart slams against your ribs.

The world narrows to the inches between you, to the way her breath touches your skin.

She sees something in your face- recognition, alarm, surprise- before she presses on, her words quiet but certain.

"She's... not really human, is she?"

The ground tilts beneath you.

How does Dooby know? You feel like she's peeled back your skin to expose something you don't want anyone to see...

You can't speak. Your silence tells her everything she needs.

"Fuck," she breathes, "I was right...Wasn't I?"

Your pulse hammers in your ears, deafening you to everything but her proximity and the unspoken question hanging between you.

"Look," Dooby says, tilting her head, studying your reaction with an intensity that makes your skin crawl, "I'm not here to judge. I just-"

She stops, seems to reconsider her next words, "I just want to know if I'm close- tell me, am I right?"

Your throat works soundlessly.

The truth claws at your ribs, demanding release.

You should shut this down, should push her away.

But the way she watches you- like she already knows something fundamental about you- sends a jolt of panic through your body...

"...yes,"

You finally admit, your word is barely audible.

Dooby doesn't flinch.

If anything, she relaxes slightly, like some internal tension has eased.

"Okay," she says simply, "I have my suspicion, but...wow,"

The single syllable carries more weight than any lecture or pitying look could.

"I won't tell anyone- Not that I think it matters, just..." She gestures vaguely.

"Just what?"

Her lips press together for a moment.

"...just I finally found you."

What is that supposed to mean?

"Look, I can't really explain this without sounding nuts...but let me just ask you this: Are you happy doing what you are doing now?"

"...You know the answer, Doobs,"

She nods slowly, something like regret passing over her features.

"Yeah, I thought so."

She's silent for a long moment, studying your face intently.

"You know, I heard of this new position with a rather high pay, and some...time for you to think about...things," She trails off, leaving the implications hanging in the air.

You blink at her, processing what she just told you.

"What? You want me to quit?" you say, "I mean, it's not like I give a damn...sure, I'll bite, what is it?"

"Lighthouse keeping, pay is at least twice as high compared to your current job, all you do is stay on the lighthouse, do daily maintenance, otherwise it is your own time- do whatever you want..." 

"...Dooby,"

You begin, turning to look at her, "...do you know what you're suggesting?"

She meets your gaze, steady and unwavering, "Yeah. I do."

A strange feeling settles in your chest—not quite hope, not quite fear, something heavier, something that pulls at you like gravity.

"The thing is," Dooby continues, speaking softly, "If you keep doing what you're doing right now, I don't think you'll last much longer. Not in one piece."

...that's weirdly morbid from a certain point of view.

You know she didn't mean it- hell, maybe she did, but you decide to ignore it.

 It's not like you haven't thought about it- about moving on, about making some kind of change.

But every time you've considered it, it felt like abandoning her...like admitting she's truly gone.

Then again, it is not like working on this railroad every pointless day has anything to do with her...

"And what?" you ask, "What's supposed to happen if I take this...lighthouse job?"

Dooby shrugs, but the gesture is tense, her fingers curling slightly at her sides.

"Maybe nothing, but maybe...you can find something there..."

The wind picks up around you, rattling the loose cables overhead.

You don't understand what she means.

But you've seen enough videos online to know, despite sounding cushy, a lighthouse keeper's biggest challenge is often the loneless of being the only person in the middle of fuck nowhere, with just the wind, the waves, and the beam of light for company- hence why you question her.

The isolation could be a double-edged sword for someone dealing with grief and depression- but hey, it is also an easy way out if you are sick of it...

...okay that is morbid as shit, but still.

Maybe Dooby is onto something, she is quite perceptive and intelligent, but kinda...weird.

...eh, fuck it.

Is not like you have anything else to look forward to...

Chapter Text

"I am glad you take the offer seriously," Dooby says, turning to face you, "I know this isn't an easy decision."

"Yeah...that's because you are talking to a man with nothing left to lose and lost all fucks."

"Is it?" she turns to study you with those unreadable eyes, "I mean, you still decide to pack up and go to some lighthouse in the middle of nowhere, right? That tells me you care enough to want something different. Even if it's just...a change."

She turns back to focus on the track, her fingers tap against the trolley's control panel absently, as you turn to stare out the window.

...yeah, in the end, you decide to take this new job.

In a way, you are moving on- ah, who are you kidding?

Sure you basically get rid of everything and leave the house you've been living with...her for the last couple of years, but the few things you brought along to your new position in the lighthouse are mostly just mementos of...her- so it is not like you are really moving on for shit.

After quitting your shitty railroad job, Dooby helps you deal with the bureaucracy to become a lighthouse keeper- she is weirdly eager to help, which you find kinda odd.

Maybe she just wants to make sure you don't back out- but then again, that is the least odd thing you find of Dooby since you met her.

She is a trolley attendant who, for some reason, has her own tram all by herself, and the railroad administration just lets her drive around and go everywhere she wants- maybe it is some advanced privileges since she often takes maintenance guys like you around, but what do you know?

But even besides that, she takes a weird interest in you, despite not being into guys- maybe she is just being nice to a grieving man...since you might as well have lost your girlfriend to the ocean...

...and now, after three days of paperwork and waiting for the bureaucracy to get done, you are on her trolley, and Dooby drives you where the lighthouse is.

You don't have much to bring- just a single duffel bag and a few small boxes, containing a few necessities and the crap load of memorabilia of her...

Oh hey, this beach looks...familiar.

As the trolley drives by the white sand beach with its gentle waves lapping at the shore, memories come flooding back.

This is where you lost her.

The place where you sat in the sand, drowning in grief and despair, right after your last...session of...carnal pleasures with her.

...ah fuck, are you working here?

As you see the lighthouse at the other end of the beach, the realization hits you.

Dooby glances at you, a small, understanding smile flickering across her face.

She seems to know exactly where your mind is...and maybe even more.

Ach, screw it.

Is not like you can let the fuck go to begin with...why not?

Come to think of it, you don't remember there is a lighthouse around here...

"I don't remember seeing a lighthouse around here...how long ago was it built?" you ask, breaking the silence.

"A few months," Dooby says without looking at you, still focused on the track ahead, "Just in time for your new position."

"...that was quick," you mutter.

It seems too...coincidental.

You glance at her again, frowning slightly, "Dooby...is there anything else I need to know?"

There is a brief silence, until she stops at the maintenance station closest to the lighthouse.

"Yes," she says, finally turning to meet you, "You won't be alone, there is another lighthouse keeper in there already..."

...why are you not surprised?

"Doopy, that should be something you mention first, right?" you say, scowling.

She shrugs, an enigmatic smile at her lips, "Oh, don't worry, you'll like her. I promise."

Wait, her?

Great, what do you get yourself into?

"...yeah, thanks," you say before stepping off the trolley.

"Don't mention it...see you when I see you," Dooby replies, before driving away...which you pretend to ignore, and begin to walk towards your new workplace.

The wind brings you salt air from the nearby sea as you stroll down the coastline, stepping on the unusually clean white sand of this beach.

You glance at the lighthouse, it is as new as it can be, sort of generic, with that very stereotypical red and white color scheme, and what looks like a house at the bottom connected to it.

You grab your duffel bag and two boxes and head towards it, as your mind can't help but wonder about the other keeper Dooby mentioned.

Why did she withhold this information? Is she afraid you won't accept to work here if you know?

But what is the point of her doing any of this?

The only reason you can guess is she is trying to help you move on- but still, this is some rather shitty attempt...not to mention you still haven't moved on at all...

Ach whatever.

If anything, there is at least some company.

But then again, would you even be able to stand her company, given how long you've been isolated from others?

Frankly, you take this job due to its isolating nature- you need some peace and quiet to brood, preferably for the rest of your life.

You are not really good with people to begin with- if this is the end of you talking to anyone, you'll gladly not do it again, ever...

Chapter Text

Wait, who is that?

You see a figure standing on the white sands of the beach.

Someone...short, blonde, and petite.

She turns toward you as you approach, and despite her small stature, something about her presence makes her seem larger than life.

...not to mention, that's some long dual pony tails...and are those cat ears?

You can't quite make out her face in the midday sun, but you can tell she is a girl by her silhouette, and the white sun dress she is wearing...not to mention, her movements suggest a certain carefree energy that feels incongruous with the solemn nature of the lighthouse.

"Yoho! Are you the new guy?" she calls out, her words echoing across the empty beach.

...that voice.

That bloody voice.

Why does it sound...so familiar...

Her smile is wide and genuine as you approach, and you finally see her properly.

...what the fuck?

Why does she look so...familiar as well...

Those large blue eyes, that delicate face, the playful angle of her smile...and is that a fish tail?

Her face brightens with delight as recognition dawns on you, "Hai~! Are you the new lighthouse keeper?" she asks again.

Your heart stutters in your chest.

No, it can't be. This is impossible.

Not only her voice, but also the general...feeling, it is just like...her...

"You look surprised," she says with a playful tilt of her head, "Have we met before?"

Your throat feels dry, "How...the fuck?" 

"Hey, you okay?"

She moves forward, and your heart pounds so hard you think it might burst from your ribs.

She looks different, even shorter, smaller than you can remember, but that smile is unmistakable.

The sunlight catches in her golden hair, making it almost glow.

She watches you with wide, expectant eyes, a ton of concern in her words as she cocks her head slightly.

...apparently you are too shocked, and just stood there for a good minute or so.

Snapping out of your trance, you turn to look at her and nod.

"Are you the other lighthouse keeper?" she asks, to which you reply with another nod again...as your mind is still struggling to process her existence.

"I just started here myself as well," she says, "My name is Sameko Saba, what's yours?"

Sameko Saba.

Her name reverberates in your skull like a struck bell.

It's...weirdly familiar, like a legally distinct version of...her...

Your fingers twitch against the handle of your duffel bag.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," she says with a slightly concerned tone in her voice, looking up at your face, as your height difference becomes very obvious, "Are you sure you are fine?"

"...Yeah, I am fine...Saba..."

You struggle to form the words, your mind reeling.

The resemblance is uncanny- sure, she looks different- slightly shorter and more blonde than blue, with that distinctive cat-girl aesthetic that somehow makes her feel both familiar and strange.

"...Saba..." You blurp out her name again, your fingers loosening their grip on the duffel bag.

The name feels both right and wrong on your tongue...

"Yes?"

She answers your murmur, and for a moment, you swear there is a glimmer of recognition in her expression, like she is puzzling out why you seem so stunned.

You shake your head slightly, trying to clear it.

"D- do you actually work here?" you ask finally, voice rough with disbelief.

Saba tilts her head, "Yeah...duh! Why else would I be here?" Her voice lilts with playfulness.

She studies your face with those familiar blue eyes, and it makes your pulse quicken.

"...Did you expect someone else?" She asks, clearly puzzled by your reaction.

"No, not...really," you says, finally snapping out of your shock, "But...what are you doing here? Aren't you a lighthouse keeper?"

"I am just picking some seashells," she answers, eyeing the bucket next to her, "It is a bright sunny afternoon with no clouds, there is no need for the lighthouse to work at this moment..."

She let out a cute giggle before turning around and picking up her bucket.

"I think you will be fun to work with!" she declares with an airy enthusiasm that makes your chest tighten.

You swallow hard, looking away from her.

This feels way too similar- the same playfulness in her expression, the same energy in her words, the same lightness as she moves her feet in the sand.

But at the same time...it's wrong.

Her hair is lighter, her height is shorter, her features...different.

Not identical. Close, but not exact.

"How long have you been here?" you ask, voice rough.

"Two weeks!" she says cheerfully, "Now come on, let's go back to our future home..."

Why does she phrase it like that?

You wonder as you follow the girl back to the lighthouse.

She skips in front of you, humming a little tune as she does so.

The way she moves is so familiar, yet so...unreal, like she doesn't belong in this position, or even this...world.

"...Why did you take this job?" you ask as you near the base of the lighthouse.

She glances back at you with a curious expression, "Well, why not? I wanted to do something different, and this place seemed nice. Plus..."

She flashes you a grin that makes your stomach twist, "...I like the ocean."

You nod mutely.

"You're very quiet," she observes, pushing open the door of the living corner of the lighthouse, and leads you inside.

Huh, this feels more...bright and lived-in than you'd expected.

It is rather clean and new, with decorative touches and big windows that allow the sun to shine inside.

The small kitchen area has a vase of fresh flowers, and colorful curtains frame the windows. It smells faintly of coffee and something sweet.

"Is this where I stay?" you ask, setting your duffel bag down on the floor.

"Yep! Our living corner, our rooms are deeper inside, the lighthouse control and the systems are up at the top."

She grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water.

"Want some?"

You take the offered glass with a nod, drinking slowly as you take in your surroundings.

This place seems too warm, too...cozy for your stereotypical idea of a lighthouse keeper's house...

Wait.

You are going to live with Saba under the same roof?

Who the fuck arranged this?

Your mind goes back to Dooby, and you wonder, did she do this?

Making you work with this girl who looks so incredibly like your former lover- except not really, and is definitely not her?

"Hey, yoho~" she cooed, interrupting your thoughts, "Come on, let me show you your room, mister...you haven't told me your name yet."

"Oh, um, my name is..."

You tell her your name, and she lets out a mysterious smile upon hearing it.

"Sounds nice...I like it," she says, nodding in that same familiar way that twists something inside you.

"C'mon, this way. I put some fresh linens on your bed, and good thing there is this second room for you to use- I mean, I don't mind sharing, but I figure you'd prefer your own space...they say you were kind of a hermit, but don't worry, I won't push you into anything..."

You follow and head towards your rooms, each step making your heart beat harder in your chest.

Her hair bounces slightly as she moves, and her petite and short figure makes her look like...how exactly as you remember, not to mention that same fluid grace you'd always admired.

Your bedroom is a bit too big for your taste, with large windows, stairs, and even a back door, clean and neat with a simple wooden bed and a long desk.

It is a bit unusual than what you imagined, especially with the addition of a set of stairs that go directly into the lighthouse maintenance from your room...but it is definitely more welcoming than the cold and often run-down quarters for a lighthouse keeper you'd imagined.

She steps aside to let you in, watching as you put down your stuff.

"It's not much, but it's yours," she says. "My room is basically the same, just right across the hallway."

She points to a closed door, "...and that's about it, join me after you are done unpacking, I will show you how this place runs..."

As Saba left, you closed the door of your new room, before lying down on the bed.

You feel exhausted, overwhelmed by the uncanny resemblance and the strange turn of events.

Just...why is Saba?

Okay, that might be the most ambiguous and unhelpful question- the correct one is probably "Who is Sameko Saba? Why does she look like her?"

Is it some kind of cruel joke? Dooby's way of screwing with you? Or is it a twisted coincidence?

Your fingers curl into the fabric of your shirt as you stare at the ceiling, replaying every second of their encounter in your head.

The sound of her laughter, the way she moves, the intensity in her expression when she looked at you...it all rings with familiarity, yet it's not quite right.

She seems younger, more playful, less burdened by history.

There's a lightness to her that...she never quite had- or maybe you'd never let her have it.

A part of you always feels like you are not a very good boyfriend when you were with her...and now she is gone, it starts to haunt you...

You push yourself up, rubbing your eyes.

It doesn't matter, you're here now, and this is not her.

This is Saba. A different person with a different history, even if her voice, her looks, and her general aura feel...hauntingly similar...

You take a deep breath as you get up, and begin unpacking your duffel bag, organizing your clothes in the small dresser.

Each movement feels mechanical, your mind still replaying the encounter like a broken record.

It seems these rooms don't have the best soundproofing, since you can hear the muffled sound of Saba humming softly as she moves around.

The sound is similar, but the melody is different. Less melancholy, more upbeat...

...ah, screw it, you are here now, and is not like anything still matters to you...

Chapter Text

"...so that is the emergency breaker, and this is the backup power override, if the lights go out for some reason. You just flip this switch, and...yep, that's it. "

You stand beside Saba as she demonstrates, her shoulder nearly brushing against your arm.

She looks up at you expectantly, bright and eager, like she's genuinely excited to show you this place.

Her blue eyes reflect the dim lighthouse interior, familiar and alien at the same time.

"Got it," you say, nodding.

The breaker clicks as she turns it off, then back on again.

The small test lights flicker before steadying.

"And this," she continues, leading you to a narrow metal staircase leading up, "This leads to where the lights are..."

You simply follow as Saba introduces the various functions of the lighthouse...and you realize she might as well know as much as you do, if not less- since all she did was either reading out the various signs in on switches, or checking a handbook she carries around.

You are not complaining, since it is not like you had much more knowledge of lighthouse workings to begin with.

After what feels like hours of Saba enthusiastically explaining the ins and outs of the lighthouse, she turns to you with a bright smile.

"Well, that's the basics! Do you have any questions so far?"

Her words spill out in that same lilting melody you used to love, but now it sounds...different. More carefree, less weighted by the past.

You shake your head, still processing everything that has happened today.

"Good!" she exclaims, clapping her hands together, "Then let's go back down and I'll make us some dinner...from the stored goods, it's not much, but I hope you like it~"

She tilts her head back slightly as she smiles at you, like she's already planning out what to prepare.

You nod mutely, following her back to the front, where the kitchen area is.

The way she moves-light on her feet, each step deliberate yet fluid- reminds you of the way your girlfriend used to walk...

...boy, you really need to distract yourself with...something...

"Gu- I mean Saba, it's only 4 PM right now," You glance at the clock on the wall, noticing how the golden rays of the setting sun stretch across the floor.

Saba grins as she steps on an unusually tall footstep and opens the cupboard, pulling out a couple of cans and some dry ingredients.

"Oh, I don't mind an early dinner! In fact, I got something to do around 5 o'clock, so might as well be early..." She turns to you with that same infuriatingly bright smile that somehow never looks exhausting on her face.

"And besides..." She leans against the counter, crossing her arms, "I kinda want to talk to you some more. You're...interesting."

Her eyes flicker with something unreadable before she turns back to the counter and continues to work with the materials.

Despite Saba being rather short- even shorter than probably...her, she works with ease around the kitchen, and you watch her in silence as she efficiently prepares your first meal here.

"Hope you like simple food, I'm not the greatest cook, but I can make a decent pasta, and I like to keep things light...oh, and I make good sandwiches!"

She winks at you as she stirs a pot on the stove, the aroma filling the space between you.

You take a seat at the small wooden table nearby, trying to ignore how the late afternoon sun catches her golden hair just like you remember...

"Tell me something about yourself," she says without looking up from her cooking, "I did most of the talking earlier...if you want to, that is..."

For a brief moment, you keep your mouth shut, and simply sits there, staring at her blankly.

The truth is, you don't know where to start.

What does she want to hear?

That you're a broken individual who can barely keep his shit together?

That the only reason you took this job was because Dooby convinced you to do so, and the fact you didn't have two fucks to give? Since you lost your girlfriend to the sea, literally, you couldn't be arsed about...anything since?

Or maybe, the fact Saba feels so suspiciously like...her...

"...I'm not great with words,"

You finally say, voice rough, "And to be honest, I have nothing interesting to say,"

Saba hums sympathetically before turning to you, "That's okay- oh, and dinner is done."

You watch as her smol figure carries a tray of something to the table.

Salmon...her favorite food- how the fuck...

"Just something I whip up with canned salmon, I hope you like it," Saba says, smiling, before sitting down in front of you, across the small table.

Your mind races as you watch her lift her fork.

She's too close, she looks too much like her, and yet...she's not her, or is she?

It stings.

"Oh, I forgot," Saba says after taking a bite, her words muffled, "The is some bread... I can make some toast later if you want."

You nod absently, cutting into your salmon with more force than necessary.

The fish is good, and rather simple, just like what she liked...

The thought sends a shiver down your body, as you try to ignore it, forcing yourself to chew and swallow.

Saba eats with a light touch, savoring each bite, her blue eyes locked on yours as she eats.

You're acutely aware of her presence, her familiar movements, the way she eats, the way she breathes, the way she...

"Are you always this quiet?" Saba muses, "Not that it's bad, but..."

She trails off, studying you intently, "You seem more...closed off, I guess?"

What was that supposed to mean?

"Yeah," you answer simply, staring at your food.

Saba's fork clinks softly against her plate as she sets it down.

"You know," she says after a pause, "I never had anyone up here before. I mean, I've been here for a while, but it's usually just me and the sea. "

Her fingers toy with the edge of her napkin, folding and unfolding it.

"At first, I thought maybe that was fine. That I didn't need anyone else. But..." She smiles faintly, not looking up at you.

"...you being here feels...right, in a weird way..."

...

You didn't say a word and simply ate in silence.

What else is there to say?

The silence hangs between you, thick and heavy.

The lighthouse creaks softly as the wind picks up outside.

Saba takes another bite, chewing slowly before swallowing.

"Alright, not much of a talker," she continues, speaking quietly now, "I just...wanted to tell you that it's nice having someone here, even if you don't talk much..."

She shifts in her seat, stretching one arm across the table but not quite touching you.

Her fingers hover near your wrist, a silent offer of contact that doesn't invade your space.

"I know I probably sound weird," she says with a small laugh, "I'm not good at this stuff either. But...I'm glad you're here."

You set your fork down, staring at the remnants of your meal. The words feel too big for the space between you, like the walls of the lighthouse have suddenly closed in.

"I lost someone," you say, the words coming out rough, like they've been buried beneath years of silence instead of weeks.

Saba's hand closes over your wrist, not squeezing, just there. A presence.

Her fingers are warm, her touch gentle but firm.

"I am sorry," she says softly, "...you've got that look...and...Well, I am here for you..."

You can swear her face went red for a second, as she looked into your eyes.

She studies you with quiet understanding, blue eyes unguarded and honest. 

...why is she acting like this?

Why does she have to look at you like that?

Your throat tightens as her fingers linger on your wrist.

The touch is light, careful, almost hesitant—yet it sears through you like a brand.

"Thank you..." you say, the words strained.

You don't pull away, but you don't move closer either.

Saba's smile softens at the edges, something vulnerable flickering across her face.

She withdraws her hand slowly, leaving behind a phantom tingle on your skin.

"Well," she says, clearing her throat as she turns back to her meal, "I suck at this, huh?"

She forces a laugh, but it sounds almost as ragged as your own breathing feels.

You two finish the rest of the dinner in relative silence, only occasionally broken by Saba's soft comments about the weather or some quirk of the lighthouse.

You can't stop stealing glances at her, at the way she moves, the way she smiles, the way she...

It's maddening.

When you finally set your fork down for the last time, she stands up and walks beside you...and you realize she is only as tall as you are sitting down.

You turn to look at her adorable face, clearing your throat, "...It was good. Thank you."

Saba beams at that, her features lighting up, "Really? Well...you're welcome."

You give her a nod before standing up, and walking back to your room.

Sitting back on the side of your bed, you reflect on the evening.

Saba's presence feels both comforting and unsettling, like a familiar ghost that shouldn't be there. Her eyes, her smile, the way she moves- it's all too much like her. And yet, it's not.

Saba is her own person, with her own thoughts and feelings...and she is not...her.

Despite how much it makes your heart ache, you need to separate the two, to remember that Saba is Saba, and she isn't your lost love.

You need to start viewing her as her own person, not as a painful reminder of what you've lost...

Suddenly, a knock on your door interrupts your thoughts.

You get up and open the door- and of course it is Saba.

"Yoho~" she says, "Here,"

She handed you a piece of paper with some numbers on it.

"We have wifi and landline set up, I figure you probably check your email, watch Utoobe or something..." She shifts her weight from foot to foot, biting her lip slightly, "And...um...if you need anything...even just to talk...I'm right next door, okay? Just...I have something I need to do in my room for the next...at least 2 hours, so...at least knock first, alright?"

You look down at the paper, fingers curling around it.

The numbers are neatly written in small, looping handwriting, just like her. Just like her...

"Thanks," you manage, voice rough.

Saba nods, eyes bright and soft with understanding, "You're welcome."

She turns and leaves for her room, as you notice the soft silhouette of her small frame backlit by the hallway light...

Chapter Text

So, you are alone again.

As the sun slowly set outside the window, all you did is lay there, staring at the ceiling, trying to untangle the knots in your chest.

You have gone and taken a quick shower- if anything, only to kill time in your life that is nothing but endless depression...but now, there is nothing to do anymore.

After a while, you hear the faintest notes of music drift through the wall separating your rooms.

Wait, is Saba...singing?

Her voice...sounds so...but...it's so close.

Your fingers curl around the edge of the paper, wrinkling the neat digits as you squeeze.

Her handwriting also looks similar...

You hate it.

You miss it.

You throw the paper onto the table, as if that could banish the contradiction clawing at your ribs.

The music continues next door, her soothing voice weaving through the wooden walls.

A melody you don't recognize, one she must have learned herself.

The words are indistinct but warm, carrying a quiet sadness that matches the ache in your chest.

How many nights did you lie awake listening to her hum while she slept?

How many mornings did you wake to her singing in the shower?

The memories surfacing, overlapping with the present in ways that make your throat tighten.

You roll onto your side, pressing your face into the pillow, as if that could muffle the sound.

...it doesn't work.

The fuck is Saba even doing?

You sigh, before getting up and sitting down in front of the table, before pulling out your laptop.

If you can't hide away from the noise, you might as well distract yourself.

You pull up some mindless social media pages, scrolling without really reading.

It has been a while since you gave a shit about anything happening online- what is the point?

Too many hypocritical dipshits get away with things no normal person should get away with...not to mention since your Vtuber girlfriend left, there isn't anything left to matter here...

Wait, is that...

You frown, pausing your scrolling.

"Vtuber Sameko Saba reached 1 million subscribers within 3 days of her debut..."

Is a post from a while ago...but still.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Saba is also a VTuber?

Of course she is. Of course she fucking is.

You don't remember her mentioning it, but then again, you never really paid much attention to the vtuber scene after she is gone...

Your fingers tighten around the mouse.

You click on the video link embedded in the post.

And there she is.

The same voice. The same smile. The same eyes...and the general aura so similar to your girlfriend...

She introduces herself with the exact same tone she used at dinner earlier.

The casual way she shifts her weight, tilting her head—it's all there, just...amplified.

You feel your hands tremble as you click her channel link.

She is live now.

Wait, so that means...

You glance toward the wall, listening carefully to the muffled singing.

Yep, that's her.

Your stomach knots.

The walls feel too thin, and you are not sure what you are going to do with this...information...

Stepping back from the laptop, you run a hand through your hair.

Fuck, you need to lie down...

You sink onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

With that particular absence still fresh in your mind, it stings...but is not like you can do anything about it.

Well, except...

You reach into your duffel bag and pull your most...prized possession out.

Her blue hoodie, with a mouth...thing on the side.

The exact same one she wears before she leaves for the ocean.

The soft fabric still carries a trace of her scent, though it's faded over time.

You press it to your face, inhaling deeply.

It's not real anymore, just a ghost of her presence, but for a moment, just a moment- it helps.

The singing continues from your laptop and through the wall, gentle and rhythmic.

The melody is different now, slower, quieter. Almost a lullaby.

Your hands clutch the hoodie tighter as tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

You swallow hard, forcing them back.

You won't let yourself cry.

Not now. Not here.

But fuck, it hurts.

The lullaby continues, floating through the walls, but your fingers tighten around the hoodie as you curl into yourself.

Her hoodie. Her voice. Separate but identical. Twin echoes of the person you lost.

It's not the same. She's not the same.

And yet, that damned familiarity makes your chest ache like it did all those months ago when she first disappeared.

The hoodie presses against your face as you breathe in slowly, willing yourself to remain still, silent, not to let the grief rise up and strangle you.

The singing fades into a hum, softer now, almost like she's getting ready to sleep.

Like she used to do....

Chapter Text

For the next couple of days, your world is a blur of unspoken tension, awkward silences, and fleeting moments where Saba's presence feels painfully familiar yet frustratingly different.

Aside from lighthouse maintenance and eating, you spend most of your time in your room, avoiding her whenever possible.

The hoodie never leaves your side when you are behind the not exactly thick door of your room, its presence a small comfort amid your emotional turmoil.

Saba obviously has concerns about your hermit behavior, but you just don't want to bother her...

Of course, you've tried to watch her streams, but despite how cute and...entertaining she is, they just remind you of memories of a better time...when you are with her...

Sometimes you wonder if you will ever move on...or do you even want to, at all.

But regardless, Saba's presence seems more like a reminder of better times than anything else...and now you wonder if taking this position is even a good idea...

Speaking of which, despite how cloudless the sky is now, the weather forcast says there is a storm approaching...with how big the wave can be in weather like this, maybe you should just-

A soft knock at your door interrupts your thoughts.

Tense and wary, you open it to find Saba standing there, a small, hopeful smile on her face.

"Hey, um...you okay?" she asks, her words tentative, "I was wondering if you wanted to join me for a walk on the beach?"

"Saba, the-" you want to mention the probably soon to be shite weather, but, eh fuck it.

Your plan to off yourself can always be postponed for a little longer.

"Sure," you mutter. "I could use some fresh air."

She beams at you, a genuine smile that makes your stomach twist.

"Great! Meet me outside in five minutes?"

You nod and shut the door before she can see how her enthusiasm affects you.

A quick glance out the window, you wonder if whoever is telling the weather is wrong again.

It is almost sundown, and still no cloud in sight...eh, is not like you cared.

You grab your jacket and stuff the blue hoodie under your blanket...feeling ridiculous for wanting to hold onto it so desperately....

"The dusk is nice, isn't it?"

As you walk down the empty beach with Saba, your hands stuffed deep in your jacket pockets, the cool evening air feels good on your skin.

You nod absently in response to her question, watching the way the golden light plays across the sand and the sea, making everything glow with a soft radiance.

It was also dusk when you were with her, on this beach- no stop, you can't keep thinking about this...

Saba walks beside you, occasionally casting glances your way.

"I love this time of day," she continues. "It's like the whole world is holding its breath for a moment before changing."

You grunt noncommittally.

The silence between you feels charged, but in an almost comfortable way- like two people who have spent so much time together that they don't need words to fill the space.

"Hey..." she speaks your name, "I know you have...something inside you, it is...well, hard to explain, I don't want to be a bother, and I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but..."

She hesitates, then takes a breath, "I hope that knowing I'm here for you...helps, even a little."

You grit your teeth as you keep walking.

The waves crash rhythmically nearby, a constant, soothing presence.

"Yeah," you say, your voice rougher than intended, "I know...thanks,"

Saba bumps her shoulder against yours lightly, her arm staying near your elbow.

It's not quite holding hands, but close enough that you notice her warmth.

"She liked the ocean too, didn't she?"

Wait, what?

She said this with a soft, knowing look, but you don't respond, instead turning to look out at the darkening horizon.

A long moment passes in silence as she speaks again.

"The ocean can be a comforting place, sometimes...I think she will understand, you can't be like this forever..."

She glances at you, gauging your reaction, and then smiles softly, "She would want you to be happy on land, even if it hurts to think about her sometimes..."

"How...how do you know?"

Needless to say, you never told her any details of your girlfriend...not that it matters now.

"Know what?" Saba asks, looking at you knowingly.

"Know...about her..."

Saba stops walking and faces you fully.

The setting sun casts her in a golden glow, and the breeze stirs her hair.

"Of course I know," she says simply, "She is- well, I was here, before..."

She gestures vaguely at the lighthouse behind you, "all of this."

Your blood runs cold.

"What do you mean by 'before'? Before what?"

Saba looks at you with those same knowing eyes, and for a second, she looks exactly like your girlfriend- same inflection, same smirk at the corner of her mouth.

"Before I was Saba," she says, her words were soft but clear, "Before I had to leave you."

She moves closer, reaching out to you gently.

Your head spins as the realization hits you like a physical blow.

How the fuck- what is this? What is anything?

It can't be true. It can't be possible.

And yet, as you look into her eyes, you see the recognition there, the love that has never truly gone away, the knowledge of everything that has passed between you.

"Gu- Saba..." you utter, as you stare at her, before your knee gives out and you kneel down in front of her, pulling her petite figure in a tight embrace.

She steps closer, her hand sliding behind your back as she hugs you back.

The touch is familiar, yet different somehow, as if time has altered it slightly.

Her eyes, still so achingly recognizable, bore into yours as she drew near.

"Yeah, she is me, sort of...and I'm here," she says softly, her words almost a whisper in the evening breeze, "I know it's a lot to process, but for now, I just want to be here with you, like this..."

Her fingers trace gentle circles on your back as she squeezes you lightly.

You're frozen in place, caught between disbelief and a rekindling of that old, familiar love...

It almost feels like time is frozen.

As you kneel on the white sand, arms wrap around Saba's short and small frame, your mind is still struggling to process the various information and revelations...

"H- how?" you finally let her go from your embrace, the word breaking on your lips, "How are you..."

Saba pulls back just enough to meet your eyes, hers bright with unshed tears.

"Does it matter?" she asks, "Right now, all that matters is that I'm here, and I'm real, and I still love you as much as I ever did."

She touches your face, her fingers cool against your flushed skin.

You grab her wrist instinctively, half afraid she might leave you again if you don't hold tight enough.

To be honest, a part of you still wonders if Saba is really her at all, if she's just pretending to be your girlfriend because she pities you...or if this entire thing is just an illusion since you've completely lost it.

But the way she looks at you, the way she feels under your fingertips, the weight and heat of her small body against yours- at this point, you don't really care anymore.

"Gur- I mean, Saba..." you whisper, "Is that really you?"

She laughs softly at your expression, the sound warm and familiar.

Yes, it's me..." she says, "...and I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise."

You feel an overwhelming emotion as she wraps her arms around your neck and hugs you again.

Your hands slide to her waist, holding her close as if she might slip through your fingers like mist. Her head rests against your shoulder, her breath warm against your neck.

"I missed you so much..." you whisper, voice rough with tears, "Every day...since you left,"

Saba pulls back just enough to meet your eyes, her hands still framing your face.

She wipes at your damp cheeks with her thumbs.

"I know," she says softly. "I know, I'm here now."

Her eyes flicker down to your mouth for the briefest second before returning to your gaze.

The wind tugs at her long blonde hair, as it waves behind her, under the orange dusky sky...

Chapter Text

"...it's...complicated,"

For a good while you just kneel there and hold her tightly...before both of you sit down on the white sand, looking out into the open sea as she sun continues to set.

...okay is more like you sit on the sandy beach, while she sits on your lap, with her fuzzy cat ears against your neck, as her fingers idly tracing patterns on your right arm.

Saba's tail is right against your crotch...which you are thankful it is smaller than...hers.

"Complicated how?" you finally ask, your voice still rough but steadier now.

She lets out a soft sigh, turning slightly to look at you.

The fading sunlight paints her face in warm golds and pinks.

"Let's just call it 'Reincarnation' even if it is not the same...and rather messy," she says, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, "...and to be honest, a part of me wants you to move on. But well, Dooby told me about you, and I just...couldn't let you go, not when you still didn't move on after all this time..."

She pauses, frowning slightly.

"Originally, I thought I could just be another person, since I am...technically, and over time you will just eventually fall in love with me again..."

Saba blushes, "But I couldn't stand looking at you moping around in sadness anymore, so I decided to tell you the truth..."

She looks at you with sadness and love., "I wasn't sure how to do this, or even if I should. I just knew I had to, since I couldn't let you be sad any longer..."

She turns around and wraps her arms around your neck again, pulling you close.

"You're not angry with me, are you?"

She says, staring into you with her big, blue eyes, as tears form on their edges.

The last rays of sunlight cast her face in a warm, soft glow, and her small body trembles slightly against yours...

"I am not, Saba..."

You answered, despite the multiple questions still lingering in your mind.

"But I still don't understand half of what you're saying," you add, your voice still hoarse with emotion, "Like, how is this...Reincarnation? Is G- is she...okay?"

"Don't worry, she is fine, back in Atlantis, and probably pregnant with your child now," she says as her face reddens, resting her head against your shoulder, "Saba's here, and I am...her. I have her memories and personality...except I am not really her, since I am still a different person. It is like...like a reset, maybe. The same goes with Dooby, you probably also know who she used to be..."

She shifts slightly to look up at you, before leaning into the touch instinctively.

"Do you understand?" she asks hesitantly, watching you carefully, "I- I am...her, except not...but I can be her for you..."

To be honest, you are more confused than ever, and Saba doesn't really explain how this even happened...

Then again, you don't care.

"Saba," you reply, "I- I don't- I just...I missed you so much."

Her face softens as she moves closer, resting her forehead against yours.

The space between you feels charged with unspoken words and longing.

"I missed you too," she says softly. "Every day. Every minute, since I left...even when I become...me..."

Her fingers intertwine with yours, as you look at her adorable face- before she pulls you in for a kiss. Her lips are warm and familiar against yours, and the taste floods you with memories- salt from the sea breeze, faint vanilla from her skin, the perfect pressure of her mouth.

Saba pulls back just enough to breathe, her fingers curling into the front of your shirt.

"I want to feel you," she murmurs against your lips, "Like last time when we were on this beach...I am sorry my new body is even more...scrawny..."

"Mmm, don't be," you reply, tightening your hold around her waist, "Big boobs are overrated,"

She laughs softly, the sound like wind chimes in the night air.

Then her hands slide up to frame your face, her thumbs brushing along your cheekbones.

A loud thunder suddenly echoes through the air, interrupting Saba's words.

Both of you look up to see dark clouds rolling in, blotting out the last of the sunset.

The wind picks up, carrying with it the sharp tang of approaching rain.

Saba shivers slightly, pressing closer to you as raindrops start landing on and around you...

"We should probably get inside," you say, as the rain starts pouring down.

She nods, a slight disappointment in her eyes...while her white sundress is now drenched, leaves little to the imagination.

Huh, she still didn't wear pants...you think as you pick Saba up in your arms.

She lets out a small squeak of surprise as you lift her effortlessly, her arms instinctively wrapping around your neck.

Her tail brushes against your chest as she presses her face into the curve of your neck.

"You don't have to carry me," she murmurs, even as she nuzzles against your skin, "I can walk."

"Just let me okay? I just want to hold you," you reply, stepping carefully across the damp sand toward the lighthouse.

The rain comes down harder now, plastering Saba's blonde hair to her face.

She shakes her head, droplets flying from her ears as she gazes up at you with affection.

"You sound just like you used to," she says softly. "When we were...when we first met."

Her fingers tighten slightly where they're tucked behind your neck.

The lighthouse door looms ahead, the warm glow spilling out into the dark night.

You push it open with your hip, carrying Saba inside as the rain pelts against the metal roof.

She inhales sharply as you set her down inside, her soaked dress clinging to every curve as she wrings out her long hair.

"Better get out of those wet clothes, " you say as you let Saba down, "I- I will go get some towels..."

You turn away toward the bathroom, where fresh towels are neatly stacked on a shelf.

The sound of Saba moving behind you makes your heart race—soft footsteps, the hitch in her breathing when she shifts her weight, the subtle rustling of fabric as she peels off her soaked dress. When you turn back with two thick towels, your breath catches.

Saba stands barefoot on the wooden floor, still damp from the rain, wearing nothing at all.

Her small breasts rise and fall with each quickened breath, her skin flushed pink from the cool night air, while her tail flicks nervously behind her, curling around one thigh before covering her crotch.

"Here," you manage, holding out the towel, while avoiding looking at her naked body.

Her ears flick forward as she accepts the towel, eyes bright and warm in the soft lamplight.

She brings it up to pat at her face and hair first, then down over her shoulders- before she looks back at you.

...yeah, you can't help but stare at her, despite trying your best not to.

The towel falls away slightly, revealing more of her petite figure.

"Hey..." she says, face reddens slightly, "Do you want...to dry me?"

You gulped upon hearing her words, as she moved closer to you.

"I...I know I don't look the same," she murmurs, her words thick with emotion, "But I still want to feel...that feeling when you touch me."

She shifts her weight, stepping closer until her bare toes nearly brush yours.

"Do I still...do I still make you feel like you used to?" Her words were quiet to a whisper, "When we were together in my...past life?"

Her question hangs in the humid space between you, charged with years of unspoken longing.

"Yes," you answer simply, voice rough with emotion, before you kneel down and hug her.

She shivers at your touch, her breath coming faster.

"Thank you," she whispers, her hands coming up to press against your chest.

She gazes up at you through damp lashes, her expression vulnerable and hopeful, "I've waited so long to hear you say that."

Your thumbs trace small circles on her collarbones as you lean down, brushing your lips against hers as you pull her small body closer...

Chapter Text

Standing there in the shower, the hot water cascades down your naked body as you reflect on the day's events.

Despite Saba being in front of you, her damp blonde hair spreads out at her back, while her small form curled in your embrace, you still can't help but feel...surreal.

The past couple of hours have been intense, both physically and emotionally.

It has been a while since you...well, done the deed- and it shows.

The amount of...fluids you two have to wash off- especially, how much that is currently leaking out of her is frankly ridiculous, but still.

You still can't believe she's really here, after all this time, despite she is literally in your arms right now, and even though her body is different now, the intimacy between you was still familiar, almost like coming home...

Saba utter your name, interrupting your thoughts.

"...you have been unusually quiet since we entered the shower," she says, her voice soft with concern as she turns in your arms, water streaming down her body.

"Mmm," you reply, nuzzling against her wet hair, "just...thinking."

She nods, knowing eyes looking up at you.

"About what?" she asks, shifting closer until her cat ears brush against your chin.

"About everything," you admit, running your hands down her back to rest on the curve of her hips, "I still can't believe you're really here. It feels like a dream."

Her tail wraps around your thigh possessively as she presses her cheek against your collarbone.

"I know," she murmurs, "I feel the same way...I should've told you from the very start..."

"But...aside from wanting you to move on, another part of me was scared...scared that you wouldn't believe me, or that you'd think I am just someone else playing with your feelings, even worse if you don't like my new look..."

She shivers slightly, and you pull her closer, rubbing her arms to warm her up.

"Never," you say firmly, "No matter what you look like, I will always love you. Always."

Her face lights up with joy, and she stands on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss to your lips.

"Thank you..." she says softly, her fingers tracing the line of your jaw, before grinding her petite body at you, "C- can we do it again...please?"

As you two finish taking a shower and...business, you leave the bathroom and realize the heavy rain outside has become a torrential downpour.

Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and wind howl along with torrential downpour, rattling the windows and doors all around the corner.

Despite knowing this lighthouse is relatively new, a part of you still wonders if it can withstand such an extreme climate- at least this living corner of it, since it is more wood than concrete...

Saba, now dressed in one of your oversized t-shirts, comes up behind you and wraps her arms around your waist as you think, pressing her face against your back.

"It's okay," she murmurs, as if reading your mind as she nuzzles against you, "We're safe here...with each other."

Her tail flicks comfortingly against your thigh. The shirt barely covers her thighs, the hem riding up as she stretches to reach you, her small breasts pressing against your back.

"I like it when you worry about me," you reply, which makes her chuckle.

The thunder rumbles again, vibrating through the wooden floorboards beneath your feet.

You can feel Saba tremble slightly on your back as it happens.

"...Saba, are you scared?"

She shakes her head quickly against your back, but you can feel the hesitation.

"...a little," she admits, voice small, "But you're here with me, so it's okay."

She moves to hug you from the front, before nuzzling you again, pressing closer.

"Do you...Do you remember how we used to sleep together? How I would curl up against you?" she murmurs into your chest, "I used to fall asleep counting your heartbeats...can we do it again?"

"Of course," you reply, patting her head and ears, "But we should probably check if the lighthouse system one last time..."

"You still keep it?"

As you two finish checking the lighthouse and get ready for bed- which Saba decides that you two should sleep in your room together, she sees the blue hoodie of her...past life.

"Of course...it is the only thing I have to remember you...aside from the others..."

"Can I try it on?" she asks, taking the hoodie from your bed and holding it close.

Her ears twitch with interest as she inhales the faint scent that still clings to the fabric.

"Of course you can," you reply, watching as she gets out of her clothes like you aren't in the room, and carefully pulls the hoodie over her head, the oversized garment swallowing her petite frame.

"It smells like you now..." she murmurs, her words muffled by the fabric, "It's like a part of you is wrapped around me...make me feel closer to you..."

She turns to you, looking up with her blue eyes seemingly flickering, her tail twitching happily as she draws closer.

She looks so cute...and you can feel your face grow hot seeing her like this.

She climbs onto your bed with little effort, her tail flicking excitedly behind her as she curls up on her side, the hoodie riding up to reveal most of her bare thighs.

"Come here..." she murmurs, patting the space in front of her.

You move toward her, and she scoots close, draping one arm over your waist while her other hand rests on your chest, her face tucked against your shoulder.

"It's perfect..." she sighs contentedly, her breath warm against your neck, "Just like I remembered..."

You stroke her hair absently, feeling the damp strands curl around your fingers as your free hand covers hers against your chest.

"Do you...Do you remember our last night together?"

"Yeah...on the beach, we...kinda do it until we both fall asleep..."

Saba's cute face reddens, she reaches down and pats her tummy through the blue hoodie.

"...you wanna do it again?"

Chapter Text

When you finally come to, it is already morning, sunlight streaming through the windows and painting the wooden floor in golden patterns.

The storm outside has passed, leaving behind only the gentle lapping of waves against the shore.

You're on your back, naked, with Saba curled up against your side, her head resting on your chest. The hoodie is long gone from her body...think it is after the second or third round, she is now as naked as you are.

The blankets have slipped down, tangled around her legs.

You watch her sleeping face as the gentle morning light plays across her features, feeling the soft rise and fall of her breath against your skin.

Her ears twitch occasionally in her sleep...and to be honest, she looks so. Fucking. Cute.

You can't help but move one of your hands on her head, and begin caressing it, sliding your hand across her bleach blonde hair and fuzzy cat ears.

She makes a tiny happy noise in her sleep, pressing closer to you instinctively.

You can't resist watching her ears twitch and flare slightly as your fingers trace them.

They're soft and surprisingly warm to the touch, her ear fluffs are also very comfortably smooth on your fingertips...

You continue stroking her hair and ears gently, and soon enough, she stirs, blinking sleepily as her blue eyes meet yours.

For a moment, she just looks at you, her face still softened by sleep, before a slow, pleased smile spreads across her face.

"Morning..." she mumbles, speaking with morning hoarseness.

"Good morning, Saba,"

"Mmm..." she nuzzles against your chest, her face still half-buried in the crook of your neck, her ears brushing against your jaw as she rubs against you like a cat seeking affection.

You continue petting her, fingers tracing the delicate points of her ears.

She makes a soft, contented noise in her throat, her entire body seeming to melt against yours as she presses closer.

"You feel so nice," she murmurs drowsily, her words muffled against your skin.

Her fingers trace idle patterns on your chest as she snuggles deeper into your embrace.

"You're pretty nice to wake up to, too," you reply, kissing the top of her head.

Saba hums happily as she flips over, her tail flicking lazily against your thigh.

She raises her head slightly, blue eyes half-lidded as she studies your face.

"I missed this," she says softly. "Missed being this close to you...fell asleep listening to your heartbeat again after we...did it..."

Your hand continues its gentle exploration of her ears and hair, feeling the way she reacts to each touch- ears flicking, tail twitching, a soft shiver running through her body.

"Me too," you admit, speaking quietly, "Think I lost gallons to you..."

She laughs softly at that, a warm, affectionate sound that fills the room.

Her fingers play with the edge of the sheet covering you both as she shifts closer.

"I think I can find them..." she murmurs, her tail moving in front of you as she guides your hand to her belly, "Feel what you did to me?"

Her breathing quickens a bit, and you can feel her skin warming beneath your touch.

She presses her face against your shoulder, hiding her face slightly.

"You're so warm..." she whispers, "And you smell so good...like salt and wind and you..."

Her hand slides up to rest against your cheek, turning your face toward hers.

"Can we...?" she begins, uncertainty threading through her words. She nips lightly at your earlobe before murmuring, "Do it again?"

Her blue eyes gaze intently at you, pupils slightly dilated, her face showing vulnerability and need, desire intertwined.

She looks...exposed and alive in a way that makes your heart pound harder.

You roll her onto her back, looming over her as she stares up at you, her tail curling around your leg instinctively.

"Anything for you Saba," you whisper, before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

She responds eagerly, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling you closer.

Her body arches against yours, soft and warm, as she deepens the kiss.

It lasts for a while, before she breaks the kiss to gasp for air, her blue eyes darkened with intense longing as she gazes up at you.

"More...please..." she pleads softly, her nails lightly scratching down your back as she pulls you down for another kiss, more urgent this time...

Chapter Text

It has been a while since then, and things have kind of returned to normal.

You and Saba continue to live under the same lighthouse, with her streaming every evening, and you two are together...again, sort of.

...oh, and of course, the things you do between lovers...

Granted, is not like you've got anything to do in this position, the lighthouse is relatively new and doesn't really need much maintenance, at least Saba streams- meanwhile, all you are doing is basically trying to kill time.

...and as it turns out, Saba is...kind of needy.

She is rather clingy to you...not to mention the amount of time she asks for...carnal pleasures. 

You are not complaining tho- no normal men will be.

Though sometimes you do think about the possibility of getting her pregnant- it's not like you've been using any contraceptive since the first time...

Eh, if she doesn't bring it up, why should you?

You don't mind having a child with her...and to be honest, you've been thinking about taking your relationship to the next level for a while now...

It still feels surreal when you think about it.

You've known Saba for less than a month- sure, you have know her past life for years, but even with her sharing the same memory and personality, are you taking this relationship too fast?

... Oh well, you also don't mind if you two just stay like this, forever.

But if you are given a chance, you will definitely take it...

It is another morning in which you two wake up on the same bed again...and proceed to do the deeds.

As you and Saba have just finished your...session, and are lying on the bed together, totally naked- you hear the front doorbell ringing.

"Saba? Are you up yet?"

The voice is faint from your room, but you recognize that voice- and so does Saba.

Her ears perk straight up as she is jolted out of the post-coital haze, before she scrambles to grab her clothes, her face flushing deep red as she peeks over her shoulder at the intruder.

"D-Dooby!" Saba's yell back, her voice cracks with panic, "Wait- we were- I mean I am still dressing."

You also get dressed quickly, watching Saba's frantic movements as she puts on her white sundress, while still trying to fix her collar as she rushes toward the door, her tail flicking nervously behind her.

"Oh, I can come back later if you're not decent yet-" Dooby says as Saba yanks the door open.

"It's fine," Saba exclaims as she stands in front of the trolley attendant, trying her best to act nonchalant, "I am here, see?"

Dooby frowns, as her gaze scans Saba from head to toe.

"Saba...did you just roll out of bed?" she asks, sniffing the air.

Saba's face reddens as she scratches the back of her head, ears twitching.

"Uh...kinda..." she admits.

"Mmm-hmm," Dooby replies, as she glances past Saba's shoulder.

"Hey there, handsome," she calls out to you, giving you a playful wink.

Saba immediately tenses up, stepping half in front of you as if shielding you from her view.

"It seems you two get along well," Dooby says, before letting out a knowing smirk at you, "Maybe a bit too well- ain't I right?"

You can feel Saba practically shaking beside you as Dooby leans on the doorframe, arms crossed beneath her bust, her gaze flickering between you both.

"I- um- no, we are just-" Saba stammers, her ears flattening against her head in embarrassment.

"Oh, relax, you know why I introduced him to you- speaking of which," Dooby turns to you, "I think it is safe to assume you figure out who she is, right?"

You simply nod, which makes Dooby smile wider.

"Ah, good," she says. "But I will admit, a part of me want to guess you still didn't know who Saba actually is, but you still do it..."

Dooby's grin intensifies as Saba's face turns hot red, "The other part of me expects you to jump on him upon meeting him- but most of my estimation is about a week at least."

She moves closer, conspiratorially, "But Iemme guess, it takes like, what? 5 days before the cat's out of the bag, and now you two are so...busy the air smells like se-"

Saba makes a tiny squeak of embarrassment that interrupts Dooby's words, before covering her face.

"Oh Saba, you're too cute when you're flustered," Dooby laughs, wiping at imaginary tears, "And I don't think I even need to ask how your time has been with him."

Saba's ears droop lower, her tail tucked tightly between her legs as she mutters, "It was...nice."

"Nice?" Dooby arches an eyebrow, "Just 'nice'? That's what you're going with?  Come on, spill the tea, girl! I want all the juicy details!"

Saba's face is practically purple now as she shakes her head, her ears practically glued to her skull with embarrassment.

"N-Nothing to tell," she insists, but her voice wavers slightly.

"Oh, you are such a tease," Dooby laughs, reaching out to boop Saba's nose playfully.

"Dooby," you interrupt, in an attempt to help your girlfriend out, "Stop playing Sherlock- I mean, Watson, why are you here today?"

"Oh, I was just coming by for a supply run- I mean, your food and necessities gotta come from somewhere, you know? I have the trolley parked just outside..."

Her attention shifts back to Saba, who has yet to fully raise her face from its downcast position, "But it seems I came at a very...inopportune time."

She chuckles softly, her hand moving to pat Saba's arm in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry, I won't keep you two much longer. I will just drop off the boxes and go on my way...then you can go back to making b- I mean, doing whatever you are doing..."

Saba squeeks again from her words, while you reach down to comfort your girlfriend.

She nuzzles against your hand briefly, her face still burning red, her entire posture speaking of intense embarrassment.

Dooby just smirks at the interaction, clearly enjoying Saba's discomfort.

She leans in and whispers loudly enough for you to hear, "She looks really happy with you, y'know. I've never seen her this flustered before."

The admission makes Saba's face scorch even hotter, her ears pinning back against her head in pure mortification.

"O-okay," Saba stammers, trying to regain some composure, "D- Dooby, I mean- I can help you bring the stuff in...we are not..."

"Dooby," you interrupt, in another attempt to help your girlfriend out, "How'd you get the trolley right outside? The railway system doesn't come any closer to the lighthouse."

"Oh, that?" Dooby gestures casually, "Well, wherever I go, I never need any rails- handy for remote locations like this."

She grins at Saba, "Makes it real easy to surprise people...or catch them in the act."

You don't think Saba's face can get any redder...

Reaching out to comfort your girlfriend, you look back at Dooby, rather confused by her words.

"Just follow me, you two," Dooby says, as she steps back from the doorway.

You simply do so as Saba holds your hands, tightly.

She feels weirdly fragile and vulnerable, like she's seconds away from melting into the ground.

Her ears flick anxiously as you step outside.

The cool morning air bites at your skin, the salt from the sea mingling with the scent of the white sands on the beach.

The trolley sits just past the dunes, it looks wildly out of place here...aside from the obvious fact of not being on any visible rails.

"What the hell...?" you murmur, staring at the strange vehicle, "How do you...?"

"Oh, my ride is custom," Dooby says, "Try not to dwell on it...now help me unload the boxes,"

She gestures toward several wooden crates stacked neatly in the trolley's cargo hold.

Saba immediately detaches herself from you to go help, visibly relieved to have something practical to focus on.

Though her small frame seems very...underqualified to do such labor, so moves forward as well, and takes a crate that looks too heavy for her from her thin arms.

"Thank you," she says, as Dooby eyes Saba with a mischievous glint in her gaze.

"You know, I really didn't expect you to move this fast with him," Dooby muses as she walks back to the lighthouse with a box in hand, "Despite all the deduction and such, I figure there is a slight chance he will just see you as the substitute of the shark...but guess I am wrong,"

Saba's ears twitch at the nickname, but she doesn't protest.

"Yes...I am glad you are...." she mutters, though her fingers linger near yours when you pass her another crate.

"Mmm-hmm," Dooby hums, "I guess things just turn out fine, huh? He gets to find love again, and you also got your boyfriend back, technically..."

"Um, girls, I am still here," you interject, feeling rather amused by their conversation, and even more so by Saba's persistent flustered state.

"Yes, and I think she is happy about that," Dooby winks, "aren't you, Saba?"

Saba blushes even harder- if that is even possible.

"Dooby," you say, as you step closer to her, lowering your voice, "Why are you so invested in Saba's romantic life, anyway?"

Dooby shrugs, setting down her box.

"She's my friend. I want her to be happy. And I guess..." she looks back at Saba, who is currently wrestling with an especially heavy crate, "I want her to see she deserves to be happy too."

Her words hold an undercurrent of something unspoken, something sad.

You watch Saba strain with a seemingly heavy box, her arms shaking as she tries to lift it.

Without hesitation, you step behind her and wrap your arms around her, lifting the box with ease.

"I got it," you say, as Saba lets out a tiny relieved sigh, her tail flicking happily, "Thank you,"

Dooby watches the interaction with a fond smile, her attention drifting between the two of you.

As you carry the box inside, she follows, humming softly to herself.

"Alright, think that is the last of them," she says, "Oh hey,"

You turn to her as Dooby calls your name.

"Take this," she tossed you a small, palm-sized box, "Consider it a gift..."

"What is it?" you ask, turning it over in your hands.

"Open it later," Dooby says with a knowing smirk, "You will know how to use it- I will admit first, it is weird I picked this for you, but hey, I think it is fitting...and this is where I get off."

"This early?"

"Yeah...I have a...meeting with Nimi later," Dooby says as she heads to the door.

"Oh," Saba says, ears flicking, "I see..."

Dooby hesitates for a moment, then nods.

"Anyway, take care of yourselves, you two," she says as she leaves, "Don't get too...busy!"

Saba's face reddens again as Dooby closes the door, leaving you and Saba alone again.

Chapter Text

"Well, that was...something," you mutter, as Saba shifts uncomfortably beside you.

You turn the small box over in your hands, feeling its weight, before you decide to just open it.

It is a ring.

A ring with a big ocean blue diamond, with gold-ish red filigree wrapping around it.

"Huh...Oh," you utter, until realization sinks in.

"It's beautiful," Saba says as she eyes the ring, "But...Dooby just give us this out of nowhere? Why did she...oh..."

Saba's ears droop slightly as the realization sinks in for her as well.

The words hang in the air between you, weighted with all that Dooby left unsaid.

"I think...I understand what she means," you say, as Saba's face reddens again, "I think she wants us...to have something official, or at least...something that feels like one."

Saba's breath catches audibly, her fingers twitching at her sides.

"I...I didn't think about that," she murmurs, barely audible. "I mean, I didn't think about..."

She gestures vaguely between you two. "We didn't...discuss this...so soon..."

You take her hand gently, feeling how she shivers slightly at your touch.

The ring feels heavy in your other hand, its weight substantial but not burdensome.

"Sameko Saba," you say softly, getting on one of your knees, while gently holding her hand.

"I don't have some grand speech prepared," you continue, smiling up at her, "...and I am not even sure how official this is...but will you marry me?"

Saba's breath catches in her throat. She looks at the ring, then at you, then back to the ring.

"Y-you mean it?" she finally whispers, her voice cracking slightly. "You really want...us to be...?"

She can't even bring herself to say the word.

You nodded, while waiting patiently, watching her struggle with her words. The moments stretch on, thick with tension.

Her tail flicks wildly behind her, betraying her racing thoughts. A soft whine escapes her, so quiet only you can hear it.

"I...I...I..." she stammers, ears flattening and rising in rapid succession.

Her face is burning again, a dark crimson shade.

Finally, she squeezes your hands, before meeting your gaze, as tears of happiness roll down her adorable face.

"I do."