Chapter Text
Death was unfair. It was called the balance for life but how was that fair to the living who lost their relatives. Children who lost their parents at a young age even though they still need them. Parents lost their beloved children even though they always wanted children, parents should never be the ones burying their children. Death goes on and on, friends, cousins, strangers, siblings. Heavens forbid it's a sibling, especially if they are close with their siblings.
Death was a difficult concept, there were so many interpretations of what happens after death. Rebirth, purgatory, heaven or hell, it varied from religion to religion but looking at it head strong it could be all of it. Depending on your beliefs of course. So John looked out of the window and wondered, where exactly did his twin brother go? The Constantine weren't exactly religious, there was a bible somewhere in the house but no one read the thing. It collected dust just like most literature in the house.
When John was 7 he and his twin brother Daniel had a game. It was based on a poem, the poem itself originally started with magpies but there was a version with crows. They saw a lot more crows when growing up so it worked for them. One for sorrow, Two for joy, Three for a girl, Four for a boy, Five for silver, Six for gold, Seven for a secret, never to be told. Eight for a wish, Nine for a kiss, Ten for a bird you must not miss. Eleven for hope, Twelve for health and Thirteen to beware of the devil himself.
It was a silly game for them, just to count the crows that were on their way home from school. They didn't take it too seriously because who would, there were a lot of crows on their way to and from home. Though people did end up pointing at them for bringing the crows around, the old lady that used to live next to them used to scream that John and Daniel were curses just for existing. Looking back John never liked the old lady anyway, what sane person screams at little kids faces?
The day John started taking the sign for crows seriously was the same year everything went to shit. He was fourteen when the news came in. Two government officials stood on their porch while John sat on the staircase as his father received the news. Danny was supposed to come home today and he did, just not on a plane. The officials handed the urn to his father and John didn't want to believe it, his moon, his twin was gone. The only reason John hadn't run away was for him and now his only reason to exist in that gods awful house was gone.
"Get out."
"What?" John looked down at his father who stared at him once the officials were gone.
"I said, get out. I don't want to see you, if it wasn't for you Mary would still be alive, Cheryl left and now Daniel is gone too. You are a curse on everything that you touch." His father cursed him out several times before, John always knew he liked Danny more than him. Hell he doesn't blame him, John always likes Danny more than himself.
So he left, John didn't grab anything. He ran out of the house with nothing more than the clothes on his back and a memory of the last time he spoke to Danny. Danny was so excited to visit their aunt in the States, John wanted to go too but their father said he didn't deserve to go. That John was too ungrateful during the school year and this was his punishment. It wasn't John's fault, it was their horrible father who sent Danny overseas. He was the one who signed the death certificate the moment John and Danny were separated.
John sat on a bench in a park not too far from their old house. John was essentially homeless now because his father was a scumbag. He sat for a long time unmoved, he cried until his eyes were all red and puffy. There was nothing he could do now, there were no sounds aside from his whimpers and sniffles. Then it landed beside him, one single crow. Sorrow, of course he was sad but this wasn't really the time for silly games of his youth. The crow had something in its beck and dropped it next to John before flying off to a wire where 6 other crows stared down at him.
A secret? John picked up the paper that the crow dropped, it was folded a few times but by the time he unfolded it he scoffed and had the urge to just crumble the page itself. Their aunt Madeline from the States was always fascinated by the supernatural and John was always skeptical. Here the crows had dropped a page that was clearly ripped out of a book about magic. The crows cawed causing John to look up from the paper to the now eleven crows staring back at him. Hope, from this piece of paper there was hope in magic?
Crows were associated with life changes, and sometimes they could be messengers from the deceased to the living, guidance from the spirit realm. Despite people thinking they are cursed birds John and Danny always found them to be smart and charming. If this is what Danny wants then he was going to do it, John didn't know what the symbols on the paper meant but he was going to just copy it as best as he could.
He went home, the door was still wide open without a care in the world and Thomas Constantine was passed out from drinking in the living room. John didn't care, he passed the worst father in the world and went to his formerly shared room. There wasn't much but he collected a few clothes and some of Danny's prized possessions like a space ship he had bought and wouldn't shut up about and shoved it all in a duffle bag. John was quick to get in and out of the house undetected but on the side of the house he could hear crows cawing.
Two crows sat in the middle of an empty part of the grassy garden that was next to the house. They both pecked the grow before flying off, John guessed this is where he was supposed to draw the symbols. It was getting dark and he was losing daylight so he found a thick twig and started tracing. It was a bit wonky but the circle itself wasn't connected yet so there wasn't anything happening. John could hear the crows as if they were on top of his house, he looked at his house and stood on the other side of the circle.
He finished the circle closing it off, it started to glow. It burned into the dirt in bright red while collapsing into itself. Fire, it burst into flames and aimed itself towards the house. Shit, his dad was still inside?! John may have not liked the old man but he still didn't want to kill him. He tried going through the front door but whatever spell he just set off beat him to it, he tried calling out to his dad but he got no response. All John could do was stare.
The neighbors started to gather and some pushed John back while others were shouting to call for help. John on the other hand could only see the damage he had done, in the tree line 13 crows lit up and cawed at the scene in front of him. Beware of the devil himself, a man with horns stood in the fire of his former home and just smiled at him. John had killed his family, he was a curse.
While the firefighters went to put out the fire John just sat on the corner of the street with nothing but his duffle bag. He stared at the floor until a familiar pair of shoes squatted in front of him, Danny with a blank face was right in front of him. John couldn't move and Danny said nothing back. The fire at their house got worse and exploded something in the back somehow causing John to flinch but Danny didn't. He was hallucinating his dead twin while their home burned with their stupid father still inside.
"It's your fault, Johnny." The hallucinations spoke and John wanted to throw up. He looked away and tried to shut his eyes.
"Johnny."
"Don't call me that." He was essentially arguing with himself, shouldn't be yelling at air but he wouldn't know better.
"Johnny." The voice became distorted to someone that wasn't Danny.
"Johnny!"
"I told you to not call me that!" John snapped awake and punched something hard but it hurt his hands more than whatever he hit.
"Shit, are you ok?" John looked up to Captain marvel who looked like a kicked puppy.
Damn the Captain for essentially being a stone wall. John had forgotten he was in the Watchtower, the worst dream in the world that always rotated in his mind every year like clockwork when it was the anniversary. Constantine dozed off in the meeting room for JLD members because Zatanna needed to pick who was going with her on her new mission, John already knew he wasn't going. Back to the adult puppy that was staring down at him.
"Cool it on the sad puppy's eyes. I'm fine."
"Eh, are you sure? Miss Zatanna said that you would be very upset when you woke up." Marvel always had a habit of calling people with some form of formality even though people told him not to.
"Now why would I be upset?" John asked with a raised brow.
"Because she said the only way to wake you is calling you Johnny, and you would wake up swinging..." Marvel looked shy while trailing off and John was mentally cursing Zatanna for telling him about that.
No one knew why he hated being called Johnny and honestly it was none of their business. Using it against him made him more snappy and Zatanna knew that but told Marvel anyway. It wasn't fair to him, he had to suffer just because people were being insensitive. If only they knew but they don't get to know. They were rude about it and still actively use it, if the day ever comes where they find out he will watch them apologize and he won't accept it. There was no reason for them to get forgiveness when he actively tells people to never call him that. Hell John had even told off gods for calling him that. There were no exceptions.
"Right, I'm not mad at you big guy but never call me that again. You can try literally anything else but that." John tried reassuring the big guy but he kept frowning as if John was actually mad at him. Time for a change in topic. "So did you need something or?" Like that the captain lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Right! Batman says there's a meeting for JL members and we are needed since Miss Zatanna is away and I saw that you were already here." John groaned, he really wanted to go home and get wasted so he could forget the day.
Every year without fail 7 crows waited on the outskirts of the house of mystery for the whole day and John hated going out. It wasn't like he could run off now. By seniority in the JLD that meant John was in charge, if his day couldn't get worse he really should have stayed home instead of going out. He followed the Captain out of the dark meeting room passing the watchtower employees who were scurrying past with stacks of paper. There was panic in the staff making this meeting much more than John could handle sober.
Once they arrived at the main meeting room Flash zipped by and stole John's flask that he had in his hand. The Brit swore under his breath while Flash kept wagging his finger at him before pointing to the younger heroes who were in the corner. Young justice that was led by Red Robin and some Titans who followed Nightwing when he wasn't in Bludhaven. John could care less since he knows that those kids were nowhere near close to youth and innocent.
John grumbled before pulling out one of his cigarettes and reaching for a lighter in his pocket. Wonder Woman snatched the cigarette before he could light it and just gave him a disappointing look. His co-workers were the worst and now he is going to go insane again, they never believed him that they were medically recommended because every time he said that they told him to bring in a doctor's note. Ah yes John Constantine should bring in a Magical doctor's note about hallucinations that he had since he was 14 about a dead boy that pretty much no one knew about. John just took a seat at the JL table and slammed his head against the table, hopefully he will be concussed enough to be medically executed by this point.
If the damn bat didn't show up within the next 2 minutes John was just going to leave. He was starting to acknowledge the sounds of wind blowing from the vents and the busy bodies in the room breathing. He lifted his head a bit, Wonder Woman was instructing tower staff and Flash with Captain Marvel were getting the younger kids in order. John could hear the entrance door behind him followed by footsteps.
Red Robin and Robin not far behind Batman who held out a usb drive. The busy bodies stiffened at the sight of the bat but it didn't stop them from breathing way too hard for John's liking. He felt like clawing at his arms again, Red Robin looked at him with disapproval but John could care less right now.
"You actually came?" The teen quipped and John simply flipped him off. He didn't care if he could feel the two other senior members stare at him, he really wasn't in the mood to deal with a snappy teen today.
The other heroes gathered around the tables taking their respective seats. Batman let out a humming and Red Robin took a seat closest to his mentor. Much to his disappointment John had to sit up whatever this debriefing was going to be about. A villain trying to take over the world was nothing new, it was just his luck he just happened to be in the tower at the same time even though Zatanna had already departed several hours ago. He should have pre-gamed before coming into this meeting, at least then they wouldn't have been able to stop him.
Then it started, not just the meeting but hallucinations. The long blonde hair, blue eyes that were as clear as the sky, an identical face to one he saw every morning if not for being a few decades younger sat on the arm rest of Robin's chair. The teen didn't smile just like the first time, he looked directly at John. John could feel his throat tighten and his guts turn, he tried focusing on the hologram that appeared in front of him but it was too bright. He looked back to the armrest on Robin's chair and the teen was gone.
"You hurt everyone, John." The voice next to him mimicked his twin to almost a tea. Curse his coworkers, curse the people that just had to make today about them, curse himself for being sober.
"Constantine." Batman barked out, he slowly turned to the bat trying his best to just ignore the blonde teen that stood behind the bat with tears running down his cheeks. "We need you to locate this cult, they are skilled but you can locate them easily."
John just hummed before getting up from his chair and walking at a steady pace out the room. He stole back his flask from the speedster before marching out of the room. Despite knowing that it was going to take a while for the hallucinations to stop once they started even if he missed the window, John drank as much as he could since he was drinking on an empty stomach. He could feel the burn in the back of his throat while he walked down the hall to the JLD material room, despite really wanting to bail Batman was honestly the only person he respected.
He wanted to go home, spend today like he usually would but instead he is here. Doing the one thing he does unpaid, saving the world with people that cared about their own families. With people that cared about everyone else but him, he wasn't stupid he knew that his co-workers essentially hated him. If it wasn't for Zatanna being off-world they would have called her before they even made contact with him. Batman was the only one that still bothered giving him an order whether he was present or not. Plus he was the only one John would actually answer a phone call for since it meant that the world was actually dying in some form.
John turned to leave the room with the materials in hand but Danny's hallucinations stared at something on the shelves. A box of tarot cards that belonged to Zatanna, they had never used it but it was a genuine set that Zatanna somehow acquired. John shifted the items to balance them on one arm while reaching out of the box. A card slipped out before landing at Danny's fading feet, at least the hallucination was fading away. John used a short hovering spell to get the card to his hand and he turned it to see what it was.
The wheel of fortune, upright. Luck? John scoffed while trying to shove the card back into the box with one hand. He was never fortunate, Constantine's luck was essentially non-existent. If it did exist it wasn't going to start now, not with him. It didn't give him any luck when John tried to summon the ghost of his brother. It didn't help when he was rejected so many times. It didn't help when he became an orphan at 14 with no family aside from the one overseas and the last thing he was going to do was live where his brother died.
"Luck doesn't exist for us." John spoke while leaving the room to the semi-faded hallucinations of Danny who smiled back in a sickly manner that John hated. John turned off the light leaving everything else behind.
When people see heroes on the news they play off each other as if they are all friends. Which would be true, the justice league treated each other like friends. Everyone but him, for him they had long since lost their interest in his personal life. They just want him gone as soon as his purpose is done, like permanent employees interacting with the temporary coworker they know they can replace with a better person. They had him join a day or two after the anniversary and bothered him every year after even when he very nicely put his time off then.
People never stayed with him, not Zatanna, not his parents, not his sister, not his brother. John just stopped trying to fight the routine and went along with it. The sooner he finished up the quickly he could go home. Not that anyone else cared about what he wanted. For all the hero's knowledge, John went home to nothing. To do nothing but drink and smoke and sleep around. John hated going home, an empty and quiet house that left him with his own thoughts. That he was a plague and murderer, he was no better than the people that get locked up. He caused that fire but no one ever believed him if he tried telling someone.
John Constantine returned to the room of heroes. He did his job and located the cult that was severely lacking in defenses. Was it a trap? Not his problem, not like they would listen to him anyway. He gave the location to Red Robin and just waited for the next order. They will tell him to join them as back up, not ask but demand it. They will make some faulty excuse to drag him along when they can clearly handle it just so he wouldn't run off.
To him, he wishes that he was anywhere else in the world. The room was loud, the lights were bright and his stomach turned. He felt sick but he just needed to keep it together.