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Testing the Limits: Challenging the Intra-Dyad Bond through Gender Presentation and Questioning Divine Authority

Authors: Creator, Almighty; Christ, Jesus; Spirit, Holy

Institute: The Universe

Publication Date: 33 A.D

Abstract

A previously studied ethereal/occult dyad have developed a LOVE bond by being stationed on EARTH together. As the pair witnesses Our divine actions on EARTH, Subject C subtly tests the strength of Subject A’s love by changing her appearance, gender, and name. Subject A remained faithful to Subject C in all circumstances. In addition, Subject A implied disapproval of Heavenly actions, bringing him closer to Subject C’s side. (Even one of the Authors of this paper has expressed sympathy for this demon.) While the Subjects have made some progress towards consummating their relationship, they must contrive other reasons to meet before their relationship can reach its full potential.

Introduction

Previous research has shown Subjects A and C, a dyad of ethereal and occult beings stationed in the EARTH (Everything Assigned Really To Humans) habitat, are drawn to each other through the unique power of LOVE (Lavish Obscured Violent Emotion). While corporal attraction may be part of this equation, Subjects A and C both hold attitudes contrary to what their assigned sides expect of them. Ironically, they find common ground in being outcasts.

As We authors continue covert observation of this dyad, We are tracking changes in the individuals as well as between them. Although Our ethereal representative on EARTH (Subject A) maintains continuity in his gender and appearance, Our Adversary’s occult representative on EARTH (Subject C) likes to vary his appearance. In particular, on two separate occasions when Subjects A and C met to observe divine business on EARTH, Subject C presented as female. (As even Fallen beings deserve respect for their gender presentations, We will refer to Subject C as “she/her” for the rest of this paper.) During both meetings, Subject C continued to protest Our mysterious ways to Subject A. Subject A was therefore subjected to a two-part test of his devotion to Subject C: would he still be attached to Subject C after dramatic alterations in her presentation, and would Subject A defend Our actions to Subject C?

Materials and Methods

Observations of Subjects A and C were obtained during two events We already had planned for this section of the EARTH habitat. Both events were planned to create a lasting impression on humans. The first project, the FLOOD (Forced Liquid Overflow Obliterating Deviants), was designed to remove all living things as a sign of Our tetchiness indigestion righteous wrath, with the exceptions of one upright family and two of every animal. Additional materials required included cubits and cubits of cypress wood for an ARK (Animal Rescue Kraft), sufficient pitch to coat the wood, and food for all the animals. We provided rain for forty days and forty nights along with a rainbow.

The second event was a long-prophesied personal visit to EARTH by one of the Authors (J.C.). This was an immersive experience requiring the cooperation of a virgin to gestate a human vessel and the resources required to support the growth and maintenance of said vessel for thirty-three years. To atone for humanity’s Originial Sin (refer to Our previous paper, LOVE Development and Expression), this project was terminated publicly using additional wood, nails, a spear, and a crown of thorns.

Subjects A and C showed up to bear witness to both events, allowing Us to observe them even as they were observing Us.

Results

At each of the events previously described, Subject A was first upon the scene, followed by Subject C. While both subjects are dressed to blend in with the local humans, Subject A’s tunic is similar to what he has previously worn. In contrast, Subject C sports long hair and feminine clothing, particularly at J.C.’s Crucifixion, where she dons a head wrap and an abaya.

At the FLOOD, the subjects exchanged personal information as Subject C asked Subject A about the event. Not surprisingly, Subject C voiced her disapproval at Our act, even saying “That’s more the kind of thing you’d expect my lot to do.” During the FLOOD, Subject A attempted to soften the apparent harshness of Our action by saying We promised it would never happen again. Subject A also pointed out that he isn’t consulted on policy decisions.

Although Subject A appeared not to react to Subject C’s changed hair and clothes, he was more interested in Subject C’s new name, which she changed following her global trip with J.C. Subject A assumed Subject C had a powerful-sounding name, such as Mephistopheles or Asmodeus. Instead, Subject C altered the vowel sound of her original demonic name, evoking the goats-turned-crows from her previous encounter with Subject A.

Despite assuming a new name, Subject C continued to critique Our Ineffable Plan: specifically, the part where J.C. suffers a painful and humiliating death. Subject A reiterated that he wasn’t consulted on policy decisions. Surprisingly, Subject A saw fit to ask if a demon had ever met the Son of God. She replied that since His travel opportunities were limited, she had shown Him all the kingdoms of the world. (J.C.’s personal observations of Subject C are included in Appendix 1, The Divine Offspring and a Demon Walk Into a Bar...) In turn, Subject C asked Subject A what J.C. had said to get everyone so upset.

Subject A replied, “Be kind to each other.”

Subject C agreed, “That’ll do it.”

Since the dyad were in the minority of sympathetic onlookers, for once, We agree with her.

Discussion

Subject A continues to show admiration for Subject C’s corporation no matter how she presents herself. Since human women of this time have fewer rights than men, Subject C took a calculated risk in her presentation. Women are not allowed to talk to strange men, so by approaching Subject A, Subject C was implying they knew each other and were most likely spouses. Subject A protected Subject C by playing along with the charade.

Subject A continues to distance himself from Heaven’s official business when it comes to killing humans or human-appearing beings. When Subject C sees him at the FLOOD, she asks if he got into trouble for giving his flaming sword to the mortals. Subject A replied that I had never spoken of it again. (I enjoy this project too much to terminate it prematurely.) By disapproving of the events Subject A is forced to witness, Subject A draws closer to Subject C in his opinions.

The very fact that Subject A has different opinions from Heaven is noteworthy in and of itself. Current Ethereal Management believes I expect all surviving angels to conform to their standards. But the archangels’ ways are not My ways, and I would rather watch one independent angel than a million of them dancing on the head of a pin—even if Subject A loves Subject C more than he does Me.

As a progress note, there are less than 2,000 years left for the Great Plan to run. LOVE continues to develop between the members of this dyad; We now rate the strength of their bond as three Aziracrow. (The LOVE unit was updated to reflect Subject C’s new name.) However, each passing year removes another chance for Subjects A and C to produce a “grandangel” for Us before the prophesied Apocalypse occurs. (Additional funding is required before then to upgrade the Great Plan to the Ineffable Plan.) While Subject C has demonstrated her willingness to change gender, her reaction to losing a unicorn during the FLOOD suggests she is still unaware how reproduction occurs. Subjects A and C will need justification for additional meetings to figure that out. Our next paper will trace the development of their Arrangement over the next sixteen hundred years.

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Appendix 1: The Divine Offspring and a Demon Walk Into a Bar….

Author: Christ, J. (a.k.a Jesus of Nazareth)

Additional Commentary: Creator, Almighty; and Spirit, Holy

As part of My thirty-three mission in the EARTH Habitat (refer to the main body of this paper), I had an extended encounter with Subject C.

She came to Me in the desert not on her hands and knees, but sauntering over the sand. Her clothes were as black as night, clinging to her form, an unofficial temptation.

(Almighty Creator: Son, did You review any of Our earlier articles? This type of language is completely inappropriate for a scientific paper!

Jesus Christ: And just how many graphs are in the Bible, Mother? You tell Your story Your way; let Me tell My story in My style.)

Crawly’s first words to Me, her supposed enemy, were not an invitation to enjoy her charms, but rather, “My Bossss sends Hisss disssregards. He only cares about the reportsss I ssssend Below. What do You sssay we sskip all the temptations and just go for a drink, eh?”

(AC: You should redact her name to appear more objective.

JC: You were the one to bring up her name change in the main body of the paper.

AC: Fine. You can use the subjects’ real names in this section only.)

I raised My eyebrow and replied, “Aren’t you going to suggest I break My fast by turning these stones to bread?”

She shrugged. “Well, I could…but wine’s nutritious enough, isn’t it? Made from grapes and all that good stuff. You could always get a beer if You want something closer to bread, but I hear You really like wine.”

“And who did you hear that from?” I knew Aziraphale had attended the wedding at Cana as a musician, there to bear witness to My official first miracle of turning water into wine.

Crawly blushed. “Not a friend. Definitely not a friend. A wily adversary. Keeps me on my toes. Speaking of toes and boots, I know a bar near Rome with a fantastic view of the Tyrrhenian Sea. We can drink our way through all the kingdoms of the world if You want to mix business and pleasure.”

“We only have forty days and forty nights at most,” I reminded her.

“I can bring You there a lot faster than a camel if You let me,” she said. “All quadrupeds are hard on the buttocks anyway.”

I nodded. An instant later, we stood outside a tavern. A couple of tables on the street provided a view of a turquoise sea. Crawly summoned a server to bring over a jug and two cups.

So began our journey. As promised, Crawly took Me on a tour of all the major civilizations of the era. Celtic and Germanic tribes. The Kingdom of Kush. The Arabian Kingdom. Zhangzhung. The Han dynasty. Teotihuacan. The Mayans. All these places and many more, along with a full (and I do mean full) list of everything consumed and drank, are listed in My post-Ascension report.

(AC: I did appreciate the table of consumed items You included with that report. It was very thorough. Why did You omit it here?

JC: It would have been much longer than the rest of this Appendix.)

Our conversation during the global pub crawl covered everything from aardvarks to the (still unknown) concept of zero, with the notable omission of Subject A—Aziraphale. It takes quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol to get a demon to let down her emotional guard, particularly to the Son of Man.

It happened on our final night together, when we were in a tavern in Alexandria, Egypt, near the harbor. I’d allowed Crawly to select a seat facing the door while I transformed the vinegary wine into something much more drinkable, a vintage tasting of honey and cinnamon, but most strongly of apples. In other circumstances, My companion would have joked about My chosen flavor. All she did was down every refill I offered her as she stared at the door.

“Are you expecting someone else to walk into the tavern?” I finally asked. “Someone more…angelic-looking, perhaps?”

(AC: That was a definite case of leading the witness!

JC: Oh, now You want to give a demon a trial? Bit late for that, isn’t it?)

She whined deep in her bare throat. “He’s just down the street, at the Library! I can feel him, all giddy from the smells of parchment and ink! Bet he’ll find a way to spend the night in there so he can read every scroll on the shelves!”

I picked up My own clay cup and remarked, “Given that Aziraphale was created as a warrior, not a scholar, his love of the written word is remarkable indeed.”

Crawly sobered instantaneously, without the use of a miracle. Her skin flushed almost as red as her hair, then paled like marble. “It’ssss nothing. I mean, he’ssss nothing more than an adversssary to me! I’m ssssure he thinkssss the sssame way….”

“You cannot lie to me, Crawly. I know.”

Her serpentine gaze flickered toward Me before she studied the wood grain in the table. “You know.”

“Everything.”

The cup trembled in her hand. “He’sss not to blame for any of it.”

“I already know his heart.” Even now, as Aziraphale studied a scroll on astronomy, he was using the topic as an excuse to daydream about a red-headed former Starmaker.

“It’s imposssssible! Bloody imposssssible!”

Dropping her cup, she bolted out the door, in the opposite direction from Aziraphale. Saying nothing, I stopped her cup from shattering, finished the dregs in the pitcher, and left, making My own way to Jerusalem during the night.

Crawly caught up with Me as I was studying the Temple. “Fascinating architecture, isn’t it?” she asked as if nothing unusual had occurred the previous night. “I bet we would have a fantastic view of the city from the rooftop. Want to see it?”

I shook My head. “This is our last day together before I return to teaching. I’d rather talk than deal with temptations.”

She shrugged. “I was going to embellish my report anyway. You make it long enough and use enough difficult words, they’re more likely to skip to the end and file it away for eternity.”

“They might pay more attention to this one.”

“It’ll be fine.” Her cocksure attitude had returned, but I didn’t need to be divine to sense it was paper-thin.

“Then why don’t we return to the desert?” I suggested.

I barely had time to blink before we stood in the exact location where we’d met. “And how did you like all the kingdoms of the world?” she asked, not meeting My gaze.

“They’re amazing,” I replied. “But we both know they’re not eternal.”

“Especially when this planet isn’t slated to last longer than six thousand years,” she shot back.

“I’m not here to change what is written in the Great Plan.”

(Holy Spirit: I’m so glad You didn’t mention anything about the Ineffable Plan, since it depends on these two…subjects.)

Before Crawly could berate Me about that, I stared at her and asked, “You’ll be there when My time is at hand, won’t you?”

Her eyes turned pure gold. “It won’t look good to my Bosssss if I refusssse to sssshow. Not the kind of thing I can call in ssssick for.” She paused, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. She stepped closer to Me to tempt Me in earnest.

“You want my advice, You’d ssskip the whole torture and death thing,” she said. “Ssslow and painful dissscorporations are the worssst. It’s only necessary because She insisted on it.”

I crossed My arms. “I didn’t come to Earth for immortality.”

“Then why not give Yourself the full human experience? Fifty years with a wife, kids, nice little farm on some prime real estate….” Crawly miracled a mirage of a fertile field and snug house on the sand between us. “Three years is nothing, J!”

“It’s all I need to complete My work.”’

“But it’s not going to change anything in a way that really matters! It’s just another black-and-white system in a world with all shades of gray—”

 “Enough,” I said firmly.

With a reproachful hiss, she stepped away.

“I’m not asking you to squirm at My feet, Crawly,” I told her, “but I must see this through.”

Her face had a pinched look, as if she was drinking unmiracled wine. “I’ll still try to talk You out of it if we meet before then.”

“Perhaps there’s someone else you’ll encounter first,” I told her. “Farewell.”

Her yellow eyes gleamed as I walked away.

In conclusion, Crawly (or Crowley, as My comment will inspire her to change her name) has it bad for Aziraphale. Although Our representative on Earth reciprocates her feelings, he is reluctant to approach her for fear that Heaven and/or Hell will notice their association. How will our heroes cope? Read Our next paper to find out.

(AC: Son, while I appreciate Your adding a conclusion and promoting Our next work, I still think Your scientific writing skills need improvement.

JC: Well, You promised I would be able to take a two-thousand-year vacation at this point, so You get to be lead author for the next paper.

HS: Are You still going to list Him as an Author?

AC: Groans.)