Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ten minutes to start. Rumi was starting to get nervous. This was it, the show that would make the years of hiding and hurting worth it, and Zoey wasn’t there. Zoey had broken her promise.

“Ok this is fine… We just have to either find Zoey in the next 10 minutes, or we can rework the entire choreo. Totally doable” Bobby chuckled in that “HELP I’M FUCKING DROWNING” tone that Rumi wasn’t used to. “We could just… use a hologram of Zoey. Surely we can set that up quick” Bobby had his head in his hands letting out a laugh that Rumi hasn’t heard before. It was… worrying to say the least. Bobby had never been THIS broken in front of the girls before. Sure he showed concern when the death threats came in, but Bobby kept it together. Sure the lawsuits for ‘Stolen Dance moves” stressed him out, but he kept it together. Even when Mira’s dad died and she went into that week-long depression over the words she never got to say, Bobby still stood strong. However, after EVERYTHING they had been through, Zoey acting out for a week shattered his resolve.

“She promised…” Mira sounded exhausted and disappointed, like she was tired of having the worst case scenario in her head be right. It’s been a week of watching their lyricist, their friend, become distant and cold, like a corpse going through the motions. It broke Mira's soul to watch. Movie night was hollow, Zoey’s normal comments and snide remarks gone. The jokes that usually made Mira laugh in a way nothing else could, became lifeless. The daily praises that made Mira’s stomach get butterflies were lazy, like an actor delivering lines for a show they didn’t particularly like. Sensing the darkness, Rumi put a hand on Mira’s shoulder.

“She’ll be here.” Rumi’s touch would normally comfort Mira. It made her feel grounded and safe. Like someone had her in this hell she called home. It all felt different this time however. Rumi’s words sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than Mira. “She promised.” Rumi’s voice shook at the word. She promised.

Five minutes to show time. Zoey’s promise was still broken. Mira didn’t cry. She wasn’t allowed to cry. Not in front of her friends. Not when she had to be the strong one for them. They took her in without question, so the LEAST she could do was hold it together.

This felt different though. Zoey wasn’t a liar. It just wasn’t in her nature, and before this week she had the most obvious tell. But Zoey had no tell this time, no indication for Mira to go off. She didn’t even know her anymore, and THAT stung the most. 

One minute to show time. Zoey’s promise was still broken. Rumi was in a panic. Everything she worked for was about to be for naught. She would never be fixed. Never be good. Never be... lovable. She would never be rid of her markings, a grim reminder that she dared exist in a world that would be better off without her. Zoey usually helped with the feeling. Every affirmation, every loving compliment, and EVERY word that came from Zoey’s mouth just made Rumi feel safe. She didn’t need fixing. She was good. She was lovable. But Zoey wasn’t there. She could NEVER feel that way again.

The beginning of Sodapop started playing. Rumi got to her feet. At least Jinu would make this go a little smoother. Then as if without worry, that familiar tune of Golden started playing. Zoey’s promise was shattered. Rumi took a deep breath to walk on stage. This had to be done with or without Zoey. Rumi took a step forward expecting Mira to follow, but there were no footsteps following her. Instead it was just Rumi walking out to the roaring crowd. She looked behind her, hoping Mira would be there, but instead she saw the sharp pink pigtails run out the door. Rumi was doing this alone. Completely and utterly alone.

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The summer air was a comforting change to the artificial feel of the penthouse. Zoey liked the summer nights. They were peaceful and helped her focus. The warm air used to be a reminder that the world around her was crumbling. Even if the Honmoon could be gold, it wouldn’t fix humanity. But Zoey didn’t give a shit. Nothing mattered anymore.

Zoey spun her blade across her fingers, not noticing the many cuts and gashes on them, blood making her fingers slick and crimson. A small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. She looked at the city falling apart before her and had a strange sense of glee. The tears in the Honmoon spread like a wildfire leaving behind magenta ashes that floated like confetti at a kids birthday party. In the past, the view would have caused distress in Zoey, making her desperate to find any way to reverse it. This time it was calming.

There was something beautiful about the view, almost serene. The pieces of the Honmoon fluttered like the petals of the cherry blossoms in the spring. They flickered a dazzling light before dying out. Zoey envied the ability to flicker out. She would love nothing more than to flicker out. Be free from this hell others called life. 

A stinging sensation cut across her palm. The cold steel of the blade was a sharp contrast to the blood flowing down her fingers. It snapped her from her mindless daze bringing her back to the tortured reality that was her life. It wasn’t a life though. Zoey looked down and smiled. The gash on her hand was bleeding profusely. It reminded Zoey that she was at least a little human. That she was at least somewhat alive.

The door of the roof slammed open. Zoey didn’t care.

“Zoey” Mira’s voice cracked immediately. It betrayed far more pain that Mira’s mask would never let through. Her stage makeup was smudged from running all the way to the penthouse. It was almost enough to make Zoey feel regret. Almost. “Zoey you promised” Mira refused to look at Zoey. Her eyes would break the worn out mask that Zoey had tested the whole week.

“I did.” Zoey said flatly, devoid of remorse. Her words went through Mira. Mira was a ghost to her. She knew Mira would flinch at the tone, her eyes losing their shine, and her soul shattering at the realization that Zoey would not be offering remorse. Zoey didn’t care.

“I thought…” Mira started, but was immediately interrupted by Zoey in an annoyed tone.

“You thought that I meant it. That you meant something to me. You thought that you finally found ,and you ALWAYS start crying at this part, a family.” Zoey didn’t look up at Mira. It would be a waste of time. 

Mira started to cry. She ALWAYS cries. Zoey felt a small pang of regret, but quickly suppressed it. It’s better if they’re hurt when it happens, it's simpler for her state of mind. Zoey kept fiddling with her blades, ignoring the sobbing behind her. She took a deep breath, unable to handle it this time.

“You… you deserve better Mira. You deserve a real family. I can’t give that to you. I can’t be what you need and… I’m sorry.” Mira looked up at Zoey, taken aback from this sudden softness. So Zoey was capable of being genuine and kind this whole time. She could have been loving, they could have built something this whole time. This whole time Zoey didn’t let it happen.

Zoey got up, not looking Mira in the eye. This was always the hardest part. No matter how much Zoey knew there was nothing to be worried about, she always liked to double check. Dying slowly in the hospital was the worst way to go.

“Go to Rumi. She needs you now more than ever. She’s alone and scared right now. Meet her outside the stadium and PROMISE me you’ll be kind to her. It may be hard, but trust me. She’s still the same girl we always knew.” Mira looked at Zoey in confusion, unable to decipher what Zoey could have meant. Before she could ask anything, Zoey had already jumped.

This was the easiest part for Zoey. Mira screaming her name died out as the wind rushed by her head. For the first time in a week she was free. Deep down she knew she would just wake up in her bed, back in hell, but for ONE moment every week, she felt like she could be free. Her eyes closed and her mouth formed a small smile as she prepared for what would happen next.

Chapter Text

Loop 3653, Day 1

Zoey’s eyes opened to a thud on her window. The pigeon fell, it’s neck clearly broken from the impact. The clock read 6:13. Rolling over, Zoey looked out onto the city below. The soft sunlight over the horizon casting a bright gold over the city was calming. There was a serenity to it, as if the end of the world wasn’t looming over the horizon. 

Zoey let out a sigh. The first mornings were always tolerable. The week was her canvas, and she could paint whatever she wanted. In the early days she would spend all her time with Rumi and Mira, reveling in the chance to shower them with all the risk free love and adoration they deserved. But none of it mattered in the end. She would always wake up alone and cold in her bed, falling deeper and deeper as Mira and Rumi would be pulled back up. It just hurt too much.

A second thud at her window caught her attention. It wasn’t a part of the cycle. Her head snapped to find the source. Something new was always a good thing, it meant that maybe she escaped. It never usually was, but she needed to cling on to a little hope, lest she go insane. The  blue tiger sat on her balcony staring at her with his large reddish yellow eyes. Atop his head was a 6 eyed magpie, looking disinterested. Derpy and Sussie were here, which could only mean Jinu wanted to talk. Shit.

“Tell him I’m not in the mood.” Zoey said, pulling the covers over her head. She wasn’t facing him today, especially not after last week. Derpy, not pleased with this answer at all, jumped into the door again with a loud THUNK. Zoey rolled her eyes as Derpy kept jumping into the glass. A small caw from Sussie seemed to explain how glass worked, which made Derpy sit down and lower into the ground, glowing blue ripples appearing below him. A low rumbling purr could be heard as he ascended next to Zoey.

“Derpy quiet down. You’ll wake Mira and Rumi.” Their peace was still important to Zoey despite everything. Even though it didn’t matter in the end, she didn’t like seeing them in distress, it hurt her way too much by the end.

The weight of her mattress shifted as Derpy climbed onto her bed, not breaking eye contact with Zoey. He spat out a card, slimy with his saliva. Save the date was written in bold letters with a drawing of a duck under it holding a heart. Zoey rolled her eyes as she opened the card.

Go with Derpy. We need to talk. Was written in neat handwriting. Jinu’s handwriting.

“Does it matter that much to him?” She asked, giving Derpy a scratch behind the ear, smiling as he purred. He leaned his entire weight into her, giving her a welcome warmth. Sussie gave a quick caw of affirmation. She held the bridge of her nose as she considered. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Fine” She already regretted her choice as Derpy’s ears perked. He excitedly jumped off the bed and began searching for clothes that would fit the occasion. Derpy brought her something simple, jeans, black t-shirt, and a white jacket that Zoey definitely didn’t steal from Mira. She changed quickly, feeling a bit rushed by Derpy pawing at her constantly. She finished looking to him for approval. “Let's go then.” Her voice had a little more bite to it than she intended. He looked at her and made a sound indicating Put a little more effort in.

“It CAN’T matter that much” she said, rolling her eyes. Derpy just looked at her blankly, indicating that it did, in fact, matter that much.

Zoey rolled her eyes. She just wanted a chill day. She made her way to the mirror to work on her hair and makeup. She went with a more natural look, basic makeup and hair down as she wasn’t about to doll up for Jinu. It might send the wrong idea.

Derpy, satisfied with this change, gestured for her to get on his back. She really just wanted a relaxing loop, something without drama. But she knew this wasn’t possible. The note taunted her, making her second guess again. She closed her eyes and, despite her better judgement, she climbed on.

 “This better not be what I think it is.” She muttered to herself as Derpy took off, Sussie flying not far behind.

Zoey used to love soaring over the city atop Derpy’s back. The glow of what she assumed was the Honmoon materializing under Derpy’s legs as he ran across the sky was mesmerizing. She always hugged his neck when in the sky, nuzzling her face in his fur. The cool air on her skin mixed with the warmth of the sun was soothing for her.

“Do you think he’s mad at me?” Derpy ignored her question, just looking forward. “I know I handled it… poorly. But we both know it wouldn’t work.” She hugged him deeper, as if he would give her some response. “I don’t want to hurt him Derpy”

Zoey sat in silence the rest of the way, playing out the scenario in her head. Then like a stab to the gut she had a horrible realization. For the first time in a while, she was going into the unknown.

Zoey was jerked from her thoughts when Derpy stopped abruptly. She was expecting some abandoned building, some place he could take her to talk to her alone. No buffers, no distractions, and no onlookers. But it wasn’t.

Sussie was perched atop the sign of an old looking bar that would definitely benefit from a face lift. The Hidden Crown. Of course it had to be her favorite. Derpy pushed her towards the entrance. She took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, the tightness in her chest making her hesitate. Maybe she could ignore this, run away and enjoy herself. But that wasn’t a possibility. Not with Jinu. She hesitantly opened the door, hoping that all she would see were the regulars.

“SURPRISE!!!!” Zoey jumped a little, cursing in English. She summoned her Shinkal ready for a fight. She knew Jinu would be mad, but to call an attack on her would be so out of character for him. But there was no ambush. Instead, it was a crowd of regulars all excited to celebrate the maknae. Her mind went into overdrive trying to figure out what this could mean. Then it struck her.

In front of them was Jinu. His raven black hair styled in a pristine fashion. The bright colors of his button down immediately caught Zoey’s attention. It did NOT escape her that it was a bright green, her favorite color.

He pulled a rope which unfurled a banner that made Zoey’s stomach churn. HAPPY ONE YEAR LOOPAVERSARY was written in bold letters. She felt the pain in her stomach turn into the searing pang of guilt. There was no way it’s been a year.

Loop 3604 Day 1

 Zoey woke up to her window being smashed. She looked over at the clock to see the time. It was 6:01. She tried to fall back asleep before shooting up again. It was 6:01. Her mind was flooded with possibilities. Did she finally escape? Was he the answer this whole time? Before she could ponder on it more, she looked at the now broken window. Excitement filled her body as she could see the new day awaiting her. Her heart dropped. It was Jinu, marks on full display and eyes glowing a deep yellow. He was angry.

Everything started to piece together in her mind. She sat there in a moment of silence before it dawned on her.

Oh shit.

“WHAT DID YOU DO” Jinu stabbed his clawed hand into Zoey’s neck before she could react. 

Great, blood loss. One of the slowest way to go.

Frantic footsteps could be heard outside the room. And now they’re up too. The door was kicked off its hinges as Mira and Rumi ran in, weapons out, ready to fight. The look of horror etched onto their face as they looked at Jinu with his claws deep in Zoey’s throat. Jinu’s eyes darted towards Rumi, and his expression softened.

“Rumi wait I ca-” Jinu's excuses were interrupted by the blade of Mira’s woldo going through his heart. He looked down at the blade as he began to dissipate. He just accepted it in silence, his eyes never leaving Zoey’s as his entire being disappeared.

Mira immediately ran over to cradle Zoey in her arms, trying desperately to cover up the gaping hole in her throat. They both knew it was futile, but it was all Mira could do. Rumi could do little more than just stand there in shock, tears streaming down her cheeks as her world crumbled before her.

Zoey tried to say something, but all that could come out were wet coughs and wheezes. The blood loss would cause her to pass out in a minute. She would just have to wait this one out.

She smiled faintly as the world around her started to go dark, with the wails from Rumi and Mira beginning to fade out.

Thank god for shock.

Loop 3605 Day 1

Zoey woke up to her window being smashed. It was 6:05. He waited a little longer. Jinu ran up to her and pierced her heart with his arm. She felt the pain shoot through her as his claws dug deeper into her chest. Her vision blurred.

“Make it fast this time. I don’t want them to see it again.” She was not dying like that again. 

“HOW DID YOU DO THIS?” Was all she heard as she blacked.

Loop 3606 Day 1

Zoey’s eyes opened to a thud on her window. The pigeon fell, its neck clearly broken from the impact. The clock read 6:13. He was slowing down. He must have started the day before her, it’s the only way he’d be able to show up at different times each day earlier than she’s awake. 

Groggily, she walked over and opened her balcony door before laying back down. She was going to live out this week, and broken glass would just make it more annoying. She closed her eyes as she heard quickened footsteps as he charged into her room. How he got here she didn’t know, but at least it would be quiet. Without hesitation, he lunged at her again. The parry was easy, her shinkal clashing with his claws causing a spark.

“Are you done?” She asked, her voice more annoyed than anything. “Believe it or not, pain is still real, and I would rather avoid it.” He was just wasting his time and hers. “I would really rather not do this whole song and dance again.” The nonchalant tone of her voice was a mask. She was in panic.

Jinu, still fuming, stepped back. He looked at her incredulously, trying to read how she could be so calm. She wasn’t. She just sat down on her bed and stared at him, expecting an answer to the question that loomed over them both.

“Gwi-ma burned me!” he started but Zoey shushed him.

“Unless you want Mira and Rumi to wake up like last time, you better keep your voice down.” Too emotional to roll his eyes, he quieted down, realizing that dying to Rumi again would be less than ideal.

“He burned me and you just stood there.” The fear in his voice was palpable. “You were there. You just looked at me and laughed the whole time. You watched the flesh burn from my skin, and my soul rend from existence. You laughed as everything I am disappeared into nothing.” He began to pace. “You knew what he was doing. I was free. Finally free. But I’m still here, still alive. So I’m going to ask you one more time. What. Did. He. Do?” His voice cracked with that last one. It sounded like… begging.

“It’s a time loop. It lasts the week leading up to the Idol Awards. No, there is no way out.” She got up, and went to her bathroom to wash her face. “I don’t know how it happened. I died once and just woke up at exactly 6:13 on this day. With the exception of your oh so pleasant wakeup calls.” The sound of her brushing her teeth could be heard throughout the room. She spat and drank from the faucet. “I don’t know if this is some kind of divine punishment for kicking puppies in my past life, or some sort of science gobbledegook, but I do know we can’t die, as you have experienced.” She grabbed some clothes from her dresser. “I was probably there yesterday because when you have all the time in the world, drugs become much more appealing. Every once in a while I like to mess with Gwi-ma.” She walked into her closet to change. “I guess I said something to him that ticked him off. He killed you, and whatever god is having his fun with me decided to drag you into this as well. I guess this means we’re stuck here together.”

She walked out of her closet, dressed in a basic grey hoodie and sweats. She was going to dress comfortably today, Jinu be damned.

“So basically, we have eternity. Pretty boy.” She walked to the door, giving Jinu’s butt a little smack as she passed him. He jumped.

“What would you like to do?”

Loop 3653 Day 1 (Present Loop)

Zoey stared at Jinu, hoping to find a hint of irony. Learning Jinu’s inner thoughts was a necessity for being in such close proximity with each other. This was the snake who betrayed Rumi and broke up Huntrix. UnfortunatelyThe thought of it being love popped up in her mind. She hoped it wasn’t that. She could take anything but that.

“You’ve… been counting” Zoey felt a rare sense of guilt. He’s been counting.

“What’s 365 more days to 400 years?” Jinu laughed. It was smooth, and filled the room with a sense of ease. Zoey knew better than to fall for it. She didn’t deserve it. 

“Now come on. Let’s go have some fun.”

The party was perfect. Every decoration, every drink, every bit of food, it was all just the right thing Zoey needed. He knew exactly what she needed. Zoey shook that thought from her head, as she scanned the crowd. Her gaze found Jinu, leaning on the bar, his eyes locked on her. It felt off. Usually when he was watching you he was trying to decipher you. Strip you down to your most base form and figure you out as a person. Figure out how to hurt you in the most brutal way possible. But this time his eyes didn’t betray malice or calculation. It was… compassion? She really hoped it wasn’t that. She shook her head and walked over to him, leaning on the space next to him, grabbing a beer from behind the bar and taking a long gulp. 

“How was last week?I haven’t seen you in a bit.” Zoey felt a pang of guilt. She had been avoiding him specifically not to talk about it

“It’s been… fine. You know exactly how it goes.” This would be more difficult than she thought. She took another sip.

 “So do you want to talk about the night we almost…” She started coughing as the drink filled her airways. She spat it out and coughed profusely. Jinu just stood there, staring at her with a sort of admiration. After a minute of wheezing and coughing. She composed herself, acting like nothing had happened. Jinu really wouldn’t let her sweep this under the rug. He laughed.

Once she was composed, she took a breath and turned to face him.

“I guess we should.”