Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1.

It all started when Roy decided to make the apartment that he shared with Jason and his daughter more homey. 

The brownstone had originally been one of Jason’s old safehouses, but they’d moved in together six months ago. Part of Roy died when he conceded on moving to Gotham, but his love for his partner brought him back to life. That being said, for a Gotham apartment, it was in a medium part of town that had been increasingly gentrified, and he didn’t feel too worried about raising his daughter there, at least for the meantime until he could convince Jason to move away from, arguably, the worst city in the country. 

The things he did for love.

Since they’d moved in, Jason and Roy had each made some more personal touches to the place so that it felt less like a safehouse for Lian, who really did need a stable home, but the blankets and throwpillows, couple of knicknacks, and book shelves didn’t have that personal lived-in feel in the way that Roy wanted for his daughter. He wanted it to feel like her home. 

That’s what gave him the idea to ask Dick and Ollie for some family photos of each of them. Roy had taken lots of pictures of Lian growing up, and he had some pictures of the three of them, but he wanted Lian to know her whole family, even if they all had challenging and often tempestuous relationships. No matter how Ollie and Roy were getting along or how Jason and the Bats were getting along, any of them would die for Lian, and that was what really mattered. She deserved to feel like she was part of a community of loved ones. He had this vision of a family room filled with framed photographs, and he intended on making it happen.

Anyways, he’d been flipping through some of the pictures that Dick sent before he came across a family portrait that he’d never seen before. It must have been before Duke had joined the family because, in the photo, all lined up were Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, and Damian. Alfred must have been the one holding the camera. None of them looked entirely pleased to be there, but what was hilarious to Roy was just how similar they all looked.

Now, he obviously wasn’t the first to point out the similarities between Bruce’s adopted children. In fact, he remembered Dick complaining each time a new reporter wrote a column claiming that he was secretly Bruce’s love child (“I had parents Roy! They loved me! They died tragically in front of me!”). People pointed it out all the time, but rarely were all of the children actually in the same place, and obviously, Jason had never been publicly in the same place as all of them given that he was still legally dead.

They really looked like a family.

Roy had chuckled, and Jason, who was sitting on the couch beside him scrolling on his phone, turned to give him a questioning look. 

“Bruce really does love his black haired kids,” Roy mentioned offhand, passing Jason the photo on his phone so that he could see the context. “Whenever I see you all lined up like this, I just can’t believe how similar you look. It’s crazy you’re not biologically related.”

“Haha, yeah, that’s Bruce for you.” And Jason was clearly smiling, but Roy could tell that it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “There’s definitely a type.”

“Like… do you think it’s a compulsion?” Roy continued, hoping to keep the mood light. Normally, Jason loved to make fun of Bruce. “He just sees a black haired blue eyed child and goes ‘yup, that one’s mine’.”

Jason nodded noncommittally, passing the phone back. “That is kind of how it looks from the outside, yeah.” 

Roy continued to scroll through the pictures, smiling at the ones where Jason was still a grinning twelve year old.

“He did adopt you, though, Jay… Right?” 

“Mmm, yeah. He found me after Dick left the nest, and I guess he…” Jason inhaled loudly. “You know, wanted to make sure that the next one couldn’t leave.”

“Wait, he didn’t adopt Dick?”

“Nah, not until after I was dead. Dick celebrates adoption day now, I think, but there was definitely some… emotions around my adoption.” Jason stood up and walked over to grab a couple of canvas bags. “Look, it’s old news anyways. Need anything from the grocery store? I’m going to the little one up the street.”

“Some apples would be great actually – maybe you could make those turnovers you baked last month?”

“No promises, but… sure Roy.”

There was that look again, just as Jason was turning away.

“You alright Jaybird?”

“Yeah, it’s all good.”

But there was something in Jason’s expression that still didn’t seem quite genuine. 

Chapter Text

 2. 

Roy really thought it was the end of the conversation around hair colour. That is, until he found the bottle of back hair dye tucked into Jason’s drawer in their bathroom. 

Now, in Roy’s defence, he really hadn’t been snooping – it was just that he ran out of the toothpaste that he used, and Jason was the one who always thought about that stuff. For such a masculine guy, he really cared about his appearance, and he never risked running out of necessities or hygiene products. Probably some kind of survival strategy left over from his childhood on resource management, but Roy had no intention of touching that with a ten foot pole. 

Anyways, the hair dye was of a medium quality, but it was definitely black. Maybe Jason had started going more white than just his Post-Lazurus Pit patch (that frankly Roy thought was sexy as fuck).

At first, Roy wasn’t going to mention it. What if Jay was insecure about going white? Personally, Roy thought that Jason would make a sexy silver fox if he did, but once again, Roy would pretty much think that Jason of any kind was sexy. He just hoped they lived long enough to get to be old men together so that he would get to truly appreciate how his partner aged like fine wine

With that thought in mind, and also not wanting to keep any secrets, Roy decided that he would ask about it. Just in case Jason was annoyed at him for snooping, he decided to wait until Lian had left with Dick for their bi-weekly gymnastics class so that they had the place to themselves. He’d learned his lesson years ago about accidentally cornering Jason, and he never wanted his partner to feel like he couldn’t express himself to protect Lian from hearing an argument. Adult conversations were important, and they were (mostly) mature adults. 

Jason was sitting on their paisley armchair, reading what appeared to be a special edition of The Midnight Library, so Roy went and sat down on the couch. 

“Hey, Jay, so I ran out of toothpaste this morning–”

“You always forget to buy more toothpaste. I’ll add it to the list,” Jason sighed, not looking up from his book. 

“Thanks, babe, but anyways, I opened your drawer because I know you always have some, and I noticed you had a bottle of black hair dye.”

This made Jason look up, a suspicious expression on his face. “What of it?” 

Roy gave him a smile. “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you knew how hot it would be if you were a silver fox. There’s no pressure to hide the whites, if you were thinking there was.”

Jason rolled his eyes, some of the tension leaving. “Okay, yeah, whatever you say babe.” 

“No Jay, I really mean it!” Roy insisted, and he reached over to grab one of Jason’s hands, rubbing his thumb over the top in a caress. “There’s no amount of white that could ever change how sexy you are to me. I’d want to bang you no matter what your hair looked like.” 

Jason rolled his eyes again, took his hand back, and stood up, walking over to the kettle. “Those are some pretty big words, Harper. What if I had a mullet?”

“It would be a sexy mullet,” Roy fired back.

“Okay, a bowl cut then.”

“A sexy bowl cut.”

“Hair to my ass.”

“All the more hair to pull,” and at this, Roy waggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“And if I shaved it off?” Jason asked as the kettle stopped boiling, and he poured the water into two mugs that had tea bags ready.

“I’ve always thought Lex Luther had a bangable quality to him.”

That did make Jason laugh, still looking at the tea. “And if I dyed it?”

“Fuckable in any colour. Unleash the rainbow.” 

Roy stood up to grab what was clearly his tea mug, and, as he reached Jason, he saw a second of vulnerability that didn’t quite match his words. “And if I was a ginger?”

“Easy. We’d match.”

The unreadable expression was still there, and Roy kissed the corner of his false smile, just a peck. The smile after the kiss seemed more real. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you love it.” Roy took the tea and sat back down on the couch, Jason coming to sit next to him with his book and his own mug. 

Feeling like he had very successfully boyfriended, Roy smiled and decided to take a nap. 

Chapter Text

3.

Roy forgot the hair dye, if he was being completely honest. It hadn’t come up in months, and he hadn’t noticed a change in Jason’s hair. Either Jason was still dying the whites, or it was just a one time thing. Half the time, Roy didn’t even have time to get a hair cut let alone keep up with whites. He knew that he certainly had a couple, and he thought it made him look distinguished. They had a lot more on their plate that was actually important.

Between raising a daughter and living as a vigilante, they were already playing double life on expert mode. 

The one thing that did make things easier was their robust safety net of possible babysitters. Roy tried not to rely on it too much because he wanted to be a constant presence in his daughter’s life, and he also knew that there would come a time where he might need to call in a lot of favours, such as if he was kidnapped or undercover (or tragically and untimely dead, but he tried to ignore that possibility).

That July, the favours were called in. 

Jason and Roy had been researching a drug smuggling operation that was cutting their supply with a dangerous new drug called Joy. They were pretty sure that Joy was one of Joker’s doings because of the way that it reacted with people’s emotional state. It seemed similar to Joker Venom but clearly wasn’t quite as strong.

They had done as much research as they could, relying heavily on Oracle’s network, but they eventually reached a dead end. Everyone that they’d tried to send in hadn’t come out, and they couldn’t keep sending low level henchmen who had families of their own to presumably die for their cause. They would need to go under cover themselves. 

Now, thankfully, Roy was not too well known among the Gotham Rogues yet. His civilian identity was firmly intact, and so a strong disguise was less necessary. He had put in coloured contacts (a deep rich brown) and shaved his hair down to a buzz cut (it would grow back, but it did make him sad in the meantime). He also let himself grow a bit of a porno stash. If he imitated Jason’s accent and changed his posture, Roy felt pretty confident that no one would recognize him.  

Jason, however, was the real struggle. While he had no civilian identity to protect, there were possible ties to the Joker, who obviously knew what young Jason Todd had looked like. There was a chance that he could be recognized. Therefore, Jason had insisted that he take more drastic measures.

On the morning that they were meant to start their new job under their new aliases (Roger Prince and Hugh Cox - Jason thought he was funny), Roy spent the morning helping Lian pack for her exciting stay at grandma and grandpa’s house (Ollie and Dinah had agreed to take her until they returned, and they would be dropping her off via zeta tube). Meanwhile, Jason had been holed up in the bathroom, waking up even before Roy did.

“Jay, are you almost ready?” Roy called through the bathroom door, Lian’s stuff now packed and ready to go. 

He heard his boyfriend clear his throat, before returning, “Yeah, yeah, I guess.”

Then, the door opened, and in front of him was Jason, hair dyed a deep red. Even his beard and eyebrows had been dyed.

“Hot!” Roy exclaimed, waggling his eyebrows. “We match.”

Jason crossed his arms, and a light blush graced his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess we do.” He then put on a pair of wireframe glasses, giving Roy a soft grin. “So you’re still into it?”

“Oh, absolutely!” 

They definitely made out about how into it he was.

The mission ended up being a complete success. Their cover wasn’t blown, and they were able to take enough samples of Joy to confirm the Joker connection. Destroying the production line from the inside out was especially satisfying, and after two weeks away, he got to hug his daughter. 

The one thing that Roy never figured out was Jason’s facial hair. 

Jason always kept his body hair shaved. It never grew particularly fast after the Lazarus Pit, which Jason insisted that he appreciated because he hated the feeling of having beard hair on his face. However, during the two week trip, Jason stopped shaving (necessary for his cover, but Jason complained about it in private), and somehow, it always stayed a bright red. 

Clearly, Jason had hidden hair dye techniques that Roy would never understand. 

When they got home, Jason did shave the beard (“It’s fuckin’ itchy, Roy”), but he didn’t dye his hair back for another week. Roy could see the white strands that always framed his face growing back in near his temple, but strangely, he never saw a hint of black.

Chapter Text

4.

Roy knew that Jason had grown up in Crime Alley, but sometimes, he forgot what that truly meant. Even though he helped Jason to protect the Alley most evenings, it’s not as if they frequently talked about Jason’s childhood or memories of being a starving kid stealing tires for food money. He knew the broad strokes, but not many of the specifics, of Jason’s story. He loved Jason with every fibre of his being, but his partner was definitely not the sharing type. 

After growing up a Bat, Jason was bound to be repressed. That was basically the Bat Code. Even Dick, who was objectively speaking the most open and extroverted of the group, was a bundle of repressed feelings. Repression was their fuel. 

Regardless, the fact still stood that Roy rarely made the small personal connections to Jason’s home that typically came from seeing where a partner grew up, or at least not the kind that had depth or emotional vulnerability. He really couldn’t imagine Jason ever giving him a tour of Crime Alley like Roy did of Star City where Jason explained, “This was where I stole Batman’s tires,” and “This was where my apartment was before my mom died and then it burnt down.” 

However, one night on patrol, in full Red Hood getup, Roy heard a modulated gasp come from his partner. 

“Hood, did you see something?”

“Uh, it was nothing. Just someone I knew as a kid. No big deal.”

Roy looked around, trying to see where his partner was looking. It appeared to be a group of working girls clustered in a group over by a chain link fence. 

“One of the women down there?” Roy asked, gesturing. 

Jason scratched the back of his helmet. “Yeah, I might, uh… I might go down there. No need to come with. We still have patrol.”

He smiled at the other man, wishing he could see the expression beneath the ‘hood’ to read his expression. “Where you go, I go, sweetums.”

“Sure. Although, uh…” 

“Yeah, Hood?”

“I might put on a civilian getup. Would you mind staying here and keeping an eye? Just to see if they pick up anyone? Don’t confront them – they’re all of age. Just, uh, keep an eye to see if I miss the window.”

Roy wasn’t sure why Jason sounded so particularly uncomfortable, but once again, it was probably the repression. “Of course. I’ll meet you on the floor when you’re down there. I’m good to stay as Arsenal?" 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be using a kind of cover. Or whatever. Be back in a few.”

With that, the Red Hood grappled away, leaving Roy to climb down off of the building where they’d been perched. By the time Roy had gotten all the way down and made a couple notes in his coded mission log, Jason had returned. 

Jason was dressed casually. He wore a simple black t-shirt over a leather jacket and jeans. His hair had been loosely shaken out, but he hadn’t taken the time to style it. No evidence left of the Red Hood of ten minutes ago. 

“Hey good lookin’,” Roy flirted. “What’s a nice guy like you doin’ in an alley like this? Fancy an escort?”

Jason rolled his eyes at his theatrics. “Sure, although I gotta tell you – I’m taken. There’s this guy who I’m a bit crazy for – only flaw is he's a pretty terrible actor.”

“Oh, I see how it is!”

It took next to no time before they reached the women. Just before they got into ear and eye shot, though, Jason pulled him in close and whispered urgently in his ear, “I’m trusting you, okay, so don’t fuckin’ read into this next shit, got it? Otherwise, you’re gonna wait over here. Please.”

Roy nodded, thinking about the repression again. “Got it. Understood.”

“That means we don’t talk about it after, right?”

Roy “mhm”d and mimed zipping his lips.

Whether it was the theatrics or Roy’s promise, Jason sighed and his posture relaxed minutely but not all the way. Then, he continued over to where the girls were. 

“It can’t be!” Jason called over warmly, putting on a voice Roy had never heard before. “Is that really you, Missy?” 

As he approached, he held out his arms for a hug, and a middle aged brunette with a short bob squinted for a second at his face, then ran over with a squeal. “Peter! It can’t be you!” 

Jason hugged the girl back firmly, and then rubbed the back of his neck, giving her a warm smile. “It’s been way too long.” 

The woman was beaming at him. “Aww Petey, I almost didn’t recognize you! I guess Peter Pan really can grow up.” She reached out and fondly touched Jason’s hair. “I do miss the old look, but I’m so thankful to see you. We all worried when you disappeared, thought the worst, but to see you all grown up now...” 

Jason faintly blushed. “Sorry, I did keep an eye out for you. Ended up getting picked up for stealing some tires, but it all worked out. I’m only passing through; thought I’d check in on the old stomping grounds.”

“Oh, hush now. No apologies,” and it did really seem like she meant it. “I’m happy anytime someone gets out, and no one deserves it more than you. You were too young for this to be your life.” It was at this point that she noticed Roy standing awkwardly to the side. “See, this is more what I thought I’d see after you were all grown up! Who is this ?”

Jason laughed and put his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, that’s my bodyguard for the night. Missy, meet Arsenal. He’s also just passing through as well.”

Roy held out a gloved hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

The woman took it and gave him a firm shake. “You best take care of this one. He’s a keeper.”

“Oh I plan on it!” Roy replied with a deep chuckle that he hoped sounded convincing, even if he felt a bit like choking. Roy knew Jason was adopted when he was twelve. He’d only been twelve. Pieces were coming together of a puzzle that Roy wished he couldn’t see.

Jason reached a hand out of his pocket and held out a stack of twenties. “Now, Missy, before you start to say no–”

She immediately started to protest.

“–This doesn’t even cover for all the times that you covered for me, plus taking into account for inflation. Please. I can’t stay, but I owe you in ways I can never repay.” There was an earnestness in Jason’s voice that sounded really out of place, but Roy could tell that it was honest. 

Reluctantly, Missy took the money and pocketed it. “You know that you don’t owe me anything, Peter. Just keep growing up, sweet boy.” She gave him a peck on the cheek.

Jason smiled warmly at her and put his hands back in his pockets. “I really do have to go, just passing through and all, but… you take care, okay?”

Missy laughed and pulled him into a final hug which Jason once again returned. When they separated, Jason looked a little bit choked up, then he turned and walked back the way they came. 

Roy, getting the picture, gave a final wave. “It was a pleasure to meet you! Stay safe!”

As they got back into the shadows of the alley they’d come from, finally out of eye and ear shot once more, Jason turned to Roy and gave him a Look™. 

“You fuckin’ promised, Arsenal. Don’t make me regret not ditchin’ you earlier. I fuckin’ mean it.”

Roy pulled him into a hug, and he pointedly didn’t say anything. 

But boy did he want to. 

Chapter Text

5.

Although Jason avoided the Manor as much as possible, there were certain occasions when he felt compelled to go back to the family home. Major holidays, for example, were days when Jason and Roy (and sometimes Lian when people were getting along) normally made at least a short appearance. However, despite his insistence that he was cold and didn’t care about his family, Jason had a heart that was incredibly gentle (although Roy would never let him hear that or else he might find himself single), so he did like to check in on his siblings and Alfred. 

Jason and Bruce weren’t on the best of terms, but they were getting along at the moment. They could usually be in the same room without an argument, and sometimes, Jason accepted a pat on the shoulder or gave a nod if Bruce nodded towards him. That was all anyone could really hope for.

The reason that Jason and Roy found themselves at Wayne Manor that day was that Alfred had asked Jason if he wanted to come by for their weekly Sunday Dinner as he was planning on making the Marry Me chicken recipe that Jason had sent him, and Jason was actually looking forward to trying it. 

“Here’s the thing,” Jason had explained with enthusiasm on the way there. “It’s a fairly straightforward dish, but anything with garlic, cream, sundried tomatoes, onions, and parmesan is going to be fuckin’ delicious. That’s why it says ‘Marry Me’ in the name. I’ve seen Marry Me Butter Beans too, so I think Alfred is making that for Damian. Maybe we can try both and compare.”

Roy had nodded along while Lian had dosed in the backseat of their car. 

He chanced a glance over when they reached a red light, and Jason’s whole face was alight. 

“Jaybird, you know I love you right?”

Jason scoffed. “Yeah, I mean, same, but what’s bringing that on?” 

“Just you.”

Roy was excited. It was going to be a good day. 

***

The food had been truly divine, honestly, and both the chicken and beans had turned out well. Unfortunately, it was a bit much for Dick’s lactose intolerance. He looked like he was recovering okay after a couple stops to the bathroom, but he’d been in a bit of a bitchy mood since they’d eaten. Frankly, Roy had been enjoying the opportunity to make fun of his friend, since they so rarely got to just hang out instead of seeing each other in passing or on the job in costume. 

Truly, they hadn’t been intending on staying after supper, but Lian had ended up curling up on one of the couches in the closest living room, and, rather than waking her, they decided to stay for a bit. She had been really overtired the last few days after some nightmares, so it didn’t hurt for her to get some extra sleep. 

All of that had led to Jason and Roy sitting at the table still with Dick and Damian, not wanting to go too far in case Lian woke up but not wanting to be in the room where they might wake her up by accident. 

“I need to buy something for Replacement’s birthday,” Jason grumbled to Dick. “I fuckin’ missed it on that stupid drug case. Can’t believe it’s already August.”

Meanwhile, Dick, who was still in a pissy mood after shitting his guts out had replied back, “I can’t believe you still call Tim the Replacement when that is literally your title.” 

Jason looked genuinely shocked and offended. “I can’t believe you fuckin’ went there, asshole.” 

“It is true though,” added Damian. “It is commonly recognized within most circles, and your appearance at the manor directly coincides with Richard’s departure.”

“Not my fuckin fault Bruce stole me out of the gutter,” Jason fired back. “I didn’t get to choose shit .”

“You do choose to continue to mirror Richard. There is no need to maintain the farce–”

“It’s my look now, asswipe, and I’d shut your pie hole if you know what’s good for you.”

Dick at least had the sense to look guilty. “Dami, please. You’re taking this too far.” He placed a hand on Jason’s shoulder, making sincere eye contact. “Jay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“You meant it back then.”

“I was just a hurt teenager, Jason. How would you feel if your dad never adopted you and then modelled a whole new kid after you but actually wanted to keep that one?”

“You were the one he wanted to keep, Dick. Let’s be honest here.”

There was a moment when the two boys just looked at each other, as if realizing they were actually having this conversation.

“You were the one he did right by though.”

“Until I fuckin’ died,” Jason retorted, ruining the moment. “Look how that turned out. Shoulda followed in your footsteps one last time and left before–”

“Jay–”

“Did you know they even did touch ups for my burial?” Touch ups? “I obviously didn’t, you know, before Ethiopia, but I woke up all–”

“Jay,” And this time, Jason did actually stop. “You can be whoever you want to be. No one is asking you to be me anymore. I didn’t mean it – I’m just in a mood.”

Another silent conversation that Roy wasn’t a part of. He honestly wasn’t entirely following all of it, but the parts that he understood broke his heart. Bruce had brought them all together, but he was also clearly what drove them apart as well.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“Yeah, you’d better guess. Now bring it in.” Dick gave a sincere smile and held his arms wide.

“Fine, you octopus,” and Jason hugged him back. “Just don’t fart and ruin the moment.”

It took Lian another hour to wake up, and it took Roy over a month to truly understand what the brothers had been talking about. 

Chapter Text

+1

Roy had never seen Jason hurt this badly. At least, not in years.

Looking back on their last fight, he’s not sure how it could have gone differently. 

There had been an Arkham breakout, which meant all hands on deck. All of the vigilantes (and whatever Jason and Roy were at this point) were called in to deal with it, but, to cover the most ground, they were mostly working in separate pairs. Unfortunately, what they couldn’t have predicted was Harley Quinn joining forces with Bane (seriously, why?), leaving them slightly underprepared and understaffed. And that was before their hired goons showed up. 

Luckily, working together with all of the Bats, they’d been able to round up all of the rogues back into Arkham, but that was after Jason took an unfortunate spiked club to the stomach which had even more unfortunately led to him falling off a building. Where he was pierced on an industrial pipe. 

They were unable to stabilize him in the field, but they’d rushed him to Leslie’s clinic where she worked a literal miracle on his organs. Once he was (mostly) stabilized, some of the horror and fear dissipated, but it was obvious that the recovery process would be rigorous, painful, and long. 

It took about two days for Jason to regain consciousness for the first time, but he only managed to open his eyes long enough to show signs of distress and pain. The second time, Jason had managed to get out, “What happened? Roy, are you okay?” before fading out again. 

The pattern continued, and truly, Roy didn’t think that Jason would be able to maintain extended consciousness until the pain medication was decreased. However, each time they attempted to reduce his pain meds to see if he could tolerate a lower dose, his panicked questions were replaced with sweat, screaming, or tears, so that obviously wasn’t an option yet. 

Apparently, it hurt to fall five stories. Apparently, bodies didn’t like to be impaled. Who knew?

Roy was inconsolable. He’s made the decision to keep Lian with Ollie until Jason was more stable because he was self aware enough to recognize that he would not have been a good parent in this state, and, given that he’d already thought about using again after they had to give him pain medication from his own injuries and woke up to see Jason’s state, he couldn’t take anything else. Lian didn’t need to see them like this; it wasn’t fair.

Recovery sucked. It always did.

It took time, and it took waiting, and it took patience. 

One thing that did keep Roy distracted, though, was Jason’s hair. 

The first few nights, when they were still in the Bat Cave, Alfred must have been shaving Jason’s face, presumably because the older man knew how much Jason hated his facial hair. Roy appreciated the man’s acts of kindness. However, when they moved back to the apartment, hospital equipment and all, Roy noticed it.

The hair poking through Jason’s chin was red. It looked like his own. 

When he first saw it, Roy honestly thought he was imagining it. It was clearly impossible. He had to have seen Jason with stubble before. There was literally no way. They lived together for fuck’s sake. 

But Jason always woke up before Roy (Jay never really slept through the night), and he was religious about shaving. Then Roy thought of the comments, and the hair dye, and the ‘Peter Pan’ incident that Roy wasn’t allowed to talk about that made him want to cry, and… holy shit.

Holy shit.

Over the next two weeks, while Jason wasn’t quite with it yet and only awake in quick bursts but not aware of where he was or what had happened, Roy watched as Jason’s roots grew in. 

Red. 

The same colour it had been on that mission back in July. 

How was Jason a natural red head? How had Roy never noticed it? Why did Jason even dye it so religiously in the first place? He clearly didn’t have a problem with gingers (or at least, Roy certainly hoped not given that he’d bought a ring and was just planning out the right moment to pop the question). They had known each other for over a decade, and Roy didn’t even know Jason’s hair colour? 

Who even really knew? Was it some kind of secret? Thinking back to the Marry Me Chicken incident, Dick clearly knew, maybe the rest of the Bats. The entire thing was just mind boggling to Roy. In what world was someone’s hair colour a closely guarded secret outside of witness protection or some other bullshit? The more Roy thought about it, the more he didn’t really understand. The more he thought about the possible implications, the timing, the lengths to which Jason kept it hidden, the more upset he became for his partner. 

It would just have to wait until they could actually talk about it, or knowing Jason, not talk about it. It was better to avoid making assumptions. 

The morning that Jason woke up for real, though, all Roy could really think about was how happy he was to see his partner blearily wiping his eyes to clear away the sleep. It was immediately apparent that this wake up would be a truer wake up as Jason blinked and had the sense to look around to inspect his surroundings. The rest of the times, he’d panicked and passed out again. The awareness was an immediate relief. 

When he caught Roy’s eyes, the little smile on his face meant the world. “Fuck… How long have I been out?”

Roy reached down and took his hand. “About three weeks, give or take.”

“We’re at the apartment?”

“Yeah, moved you out of the cave after the first couple of days. Needed space.” 

“Fuckin’ fair. The Bats are overbearing assholes when anybody gets hurt. It’s the worst.” 

“I would never say anything negative about your family, babe. In their earshot,” Roy said, finishing with a wink. He was just so happy to see his partner recovering.

Jason still hadn’t entirely come to and was orienting himself. Roy watched as he took a look around the room, seeming to notice the sounds of Lian were missing. He simply gave Roy a questioning look, and he shook his head in response (no, she wasn’t there, although Roy had gone to see her yesterday). Then, in classic Bat form, Jay took methodical stock of his injuries, wanting to make his own assessments of pain and damage before someone else tried to assuage his concerns or skew his judgement. However, when he touched his (lack of) beard, his expression immediately changed. 

Roy watched as Jason’s face ran through a variety of emotions: shock, understanding, dismay, frustration, and finally resignation.  

“You’ve been shaving my face,” Jason stated without inflection. Simply a fact.

“Yeah, I know you hate the texture, so…”

“So you know then?” 

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

Roy smiled grimly without his teeth. “Fuck is right.”

Immediately the defences came up, just as Roy knew they would. “Look, it doesn’t have to be a big deal, alright? Like it’s not actually a big deal.”

“If it’s not a big deal, why have you been hiding it?”

“Do we have to do this now?” His eyes were pleading now, and oh so tired. Roy knew how much Jay must have been feeling it to show that exhaustion.

“No, of course we don’t, babe,” and Roy really did mean that, and he tried to make his smile as reassuring as he could. “But we will have to do it sometime, Jay. It doesn’t have to be today, but I don’t think this can be one of the things we don’t talk about.” Roy could see as Jason tried to put the walls back up, knew the push back would come, so he tried to lighten the mood, just to show Jason he wasn’t on trial. “I can’t be thinking you’ve got a problem with gingers. I’ll develop a complex.”

“Wouldn’t want you getting a complex.”

“Fuckin’ right you wouldn’t. I’d be asking you all the time if you really loved me. Hey babe, are you sure you think I’m hot? You don’t think I have no soul, right, babe? I lived through Kick a Ginger Day, Jay. There’s trauma there. Real trauma.”

That finally got a smile, a little chuckle, but still the light didn’t quite make his eyes. “Look, it really isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Try me.”

And Roy could see the battle going on behind Jason’s eyes, although he didn’t know the exact cause. Opening up wasn’t easy, was never easy, but they had been through a lot together, and Jason knew most of his darkest truths. He saw as Jason reached the same conclusion. Vulnerability. “It was after I moved in with Bruce that I started dying it.”

“Okay…”

“Well, Dick had black hair, and Dick was Robin, so I had to have black hair, or else I couldn’t be Robin. It was just how it had to be.”

“But you were obviously two different kids, Jay,” Roy reasoned, feeling confused. “Everyone could tell the first time we met you. I mean, I know you don’t bring up the first time we met very often, but I remember when you were a kid, babe. I was a teenager, and you hadn’t really started puberty. Height difference alone, you didn’t really look like Dick. Minus the bootie shorts.”

Jason gave him a sardonic grin. “Well, I looked like Dick when Bruce first brought him home… or at least, after the hair dye.”

“But that doesn’t really change the fact that you were clearly two different kids,” he insisted.

“Well, yeah obviously. Hard to miss that one of us was a circus monkey and the other one was street trash.”

“Okay, not street trash first of all,” and he tried to burn that truth into Jason’s skull with his eyes. “But I was meaning everyone knew you were different kids – other heroes, the public I’m sure, rogues definitely. The hair didn’t exactly fool anyone. So why make you dye it?”

“Fuck man, do we really gotta do this now?” 

“Jay,” he pleaded with his eyes. 

“It’s what everyone said,” the resignation coming back to his voice, as if it were all too obvious. “I was Dick’s replacement. It didn’t work out the first time for Bruce, so you know, get a new kid, make him look like the first kid, do over. If I wanted to stay, I had to be like Dick, so obviously, I tried to be like Dick. Who fucking wouldn’t want to be like Dick? Not exactly successful on that one, but… The alternative was going back in the gutter and losing the roof over my head, so of course I fucking dyed my hair when Bruce asked. I woulda done anything that he asked.”

“Jaybird, that’s super fucked up.”

“Yeah, well, it just is what it is. Nothing to do about it now.”

“But you still dye it.” 

“Little late to stop now.” 

“But it isn’t really though.”

“It kinda is actually,” Jason returned defensively.

“Do you like it?”

“I mean, it’s how I’ve looked since I was 12, so…” Roy felt terrible as he watched Jason choke up a bit. “Seriously, can we just not? Please. I’m saying please, Roy.”

“I’ll drop it.” Roy gave Jason’s hand a squeeze. “But one last thing, and you don’t have to say anything back, and then I’ll leave it alone and get you some broth because I’m sure you’re starving. Jason, babe. I love you. I love you. My love isn’t conditional on how you look, and it’s certainly not about how similar you are to anyone else, let alone your brother. I love you. No matter what.”

Loving Jason was easy; watching Jason not love himself was not. He wanted to will Jason to believe his love fully, truly, with every fibre of his being, yet he had to sit back and watch the belief be so hesitant, so fragile.

“Thanks Roy. Love you too.”

Roy knew when not to push, so he stopped. He let the topic fall after their conversation and just accepted that he would need to feel the hurt for Jay since he might not be ready to feel it all the way himself. 

He helped Jason recover, and he helped with the physical therapy. 

Lian moved back, and they were overjoyed to see her. She was shocked and then obsessed with Jason’s hair. He still hadn’t dyed it back, and every morning as his roots grew out, Roy expected him to. However, no comments came from either of them. It was like when he’d tried to befriend the neighbourhood cat and had to avoid making eye contact or else he’d risk spooking it. However, the red kept growing out. 

One thing that held true was the facial hair. That hadn’t been a lie. Jay really didn’t want any stubble (“It really is fuckin’ itchy, Roy!”).

In all honesty, the red and black looked hot, and Roy finally decided that, if this was some kind of test, then adoring his boyfriend was going to be the win that he wanted, so Roy made it his mission to make sure Jason knew how much he cared about him and how good he thought the new hair looked. 

When they were getting ready for bed, Roy had walked up behind Jason and threaded his fingers through his hair. “You look so fucking hot, babe,” Roy whispered in his ear, and he could feel Jason’s breath catch. He’d made sure to grip his hair in bed to show how much he meant it.

The next morning, it was cupping Jason’s cheek and saying, “The red really brings out your eyes.” The rewarding blush and the sex that followed were equally amazing. 

He’d always been an adoring partner, but even Lian commented that Roy was being especially “mushy” lately. All of the “mush” was clearly worth it though on the day Jason came home with a haircut. 

Roy had been sitting on the couch with the news on in the background while he scrolled on his phone, eating a sandwich, when Jason walked in with false nonchalance. He watched Jason throw his keys down in their key dish and start putting together a sandwich for himself. Very noticeably, he did not acknowledge Roy who was beaming at him.

Jason had gone back to a shorter style, still with some longer hair towards the top, but, even having clearly been to the hairdresser, there was no black remaining. 

His partner was fully a redhead. 

He wasn’t dying his hair anymore. It was just his natural colour on display for the first time authentically in apparently over ten years. 

Jason was still assembling the sandwich, but Roy could tell from his posture that he was anxious – that he was waiting for a reaction that hadn’t come yet. He clearly didn’t want to make it a big deal, but it was obviously a big deal. It had been a big deal the whole time. They both knew it.

So Roy walked up behind his partner and wound his arms around his waist. Jason had frozen just a moment before relaxing into the touch, and in his ear, he whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”

Jason turned in his arms and kissed him, and Roy could feel the smile on his lips. 

And if either of them cried about it, no one had to know.

Chapter Text

+2 

Since cutting his hair, Roy knew that Jason had been avoiding the Manor. Frankly, he wasn’t surprised. 

Jason had definitely grown more confident in his new hair colour since the initial cut, but each time he passed a mirror, Roy didn’t fail to notice the pause, the hair touch, the grimace, the frown. Occasionally the smile, but always tentative. As if he wasn’t quite allowed to. 

Roy didn’t want to jinx anything by bringing up the fact that none of his family knew about the change. 

Obviously, they had all seen each other on patrols. Roy would nod to Bruce or wave to Dick; he’d poke at Tim, and throw candy at Damian who pretended not to like it. However, with Jason’s helmet always secure on his head, there was no reason for any of the Bats to know that anything was different. Not to mention the fact that it had taken Jason months to even be able to back out on patrol anyways to fully recover from his injuries. 

By the time Jason did decide to let the others know, his hair was almost old news to Roy. Jason’s red hair was simply another part of him like anything else that Roy thought was hot. Had he mentioned recently that he thought Jay was hot? So fucking hot. He was so lucky. 

All that being said, Jason clearly hadn’t forgotten because, in the week before Christmas, there was a declaration from his partner while they were preparing dinner (spaghetti and meatballs). 

“I need to go to the Manor.” 

Roy nodded and smiled. “Okay, sure. Is something happening?”

Jason simply gave him a look, and it took Roy way too long to realize that he was obviously referencing his hair. 

“Right, so we’ll go to the Manor then. You want to go before Christmas?”

“Yeah,” Jason replied with a sigh, looking down at the meatballs that he was forming into spheres in his hands. “It’s gonna be a fucking conversation, and I don’t want it ruining Lian’s Christmas, or whatever. She wants to go for presents. No need to make the holidays awkward, and if there is… an issue, then–”

“Then we deal with it, and screw your family – yes, even Dick – if they have an issue.” Roy tried to smile encouragingly, but some of his righteous anger may have slipped through. He was pretty sure Dick wouldn’t have a problem with it, but sometimes, the Bats were unpredictable, and they always seemed to bring eight layers of emotional baggage to every interaction. “You’re allowed to do what you want with your own body, Jason. People dye their hair and go back to their natural colour all the time. It’s a super normal thing for people to do. They’ll have to get over it.” 

Roy went to stir the pasta. Thankfully, it wasn’t stuck together. He breathed a sigh of relief as Jason seemed to collect his thoughts. 

“Yeah, well…” Jason nodded to himself, as if propelling himself forward. “I can’t exactly avoid them forever. Well – I could try, but they’d fucking find me, the nosy bastards. Better to get it over with.”

Roy understood wanting to do things on his own terms. 

The pasta was almost done, so he gave it another stir and went to grab plates. On the way, he kissed the side of his partner’s head and hoped that, just this once, it would be fine. 

***

They decided that Sunday dinner was the easiest way to visit since Jason was always invited, courtesy of Alfred. Apparently, there was some kind of beef dish on the menu that, once again, Jason was raving about all the way there. 

“No, but Roy, you don’t get it. Alfred’s beef Wellingtons aren’t just ‘some meat dish’. They’re a goddamn work of art. See, it starts with the cut of the meat–”

Roy smiled and nodded, trying to focus on driving while not letting on that he mostly just wanted Jason to be distracted from the oncoming conversation that was sure to happen when they opened the door. Jason watched a surprising amount of cooking shows, so he could talk about food for ages. 

They’d actually lucked out – according to Alred, Bruce was on a mission offworld, Cass and Steph were with the Birds of Prey, and Duke was dealing with something urgent on his usual dayshift, so it would just be Damian, Tim, and Dick at dinner. At least, with a smaller group, there might be a smaller reaction. Less eyes were always better when someone felt vulnerable. 

Really, Roy was just thankful that Bruce wouldn’t be there since, despite the fact that he was pretty sure the man cared about his resurrected adopted son, he had never known Bruce to be very good at tempering his reactions when it came to Jason. He’d unfortunately been witness to some of their more recent blowups, and they often started with what were clearly well meaning remarks. It was better that Bruce heard about it through the Bat-Grapevine first, decided how to respond, talked it over with Alfred, and then saw Jason in person. Emotional intelligence was definitely not a skill that came naturally to the man.

When they arrived and knocked at the door, they were greeted by Alfred’s poker face. There was one moment when Roy wished that he’d gone against Jason’s wishes and warned the Wayne brood, but (miraculously) the older man didn’t react; he simply smiled in the same way he always smiled, and said, “Master Jason. Master Roy. You’re right on time. Please give me your coats.” He held out a hand towards Jason, and, after taking a breath, Jason shrugged off his leather jacket. For a beat, Jason was staring down at his jacket, avoiding eye contact, before looking up and handing it over.

Roy watched as their eyes met, and Alfred said, sincerely, “It suits you, my boy.”

“Thanks, Alfie,” Jason replied, sounding a bit choked up.

“So, Alfred,” Roy said as he folded his jacket and handed it to the old man, breaking the moment before his partner started to tear up (Jason’s nod in thanks reaffirmed that it was the right call). “I heard that tonight was beef Wellington's. Care to explain the dish? Jay was telling me that it has quite a process involved.” 

“Oh, most certainty, Master Roy.” Alfred turned from Jay and started leading them towards the family wing where they would be eating. “It’s very traditional English.”

As they walked, Alfred spoke about sautéing mushrooms, and grilling beef, and braiding puff pastry while Roy focused on Jason. He’d relaxed initially having gotten past Alfred’s reaction (Roy knew how much the butler’s opinion mattered to Jason), but as they approached the dining room, he felt Jay start to tense up and took his hand. Honestly, Roy wanted to say something, but he knew better to interrupt Alfred while he was discussing the choice between parma ham and prosciutto. It would be rude.

By the time they reached the dining room, Jason was a bundle of nerves and gripping his hand so tightly that he might have a bruise later (it was fine). Turning the corner into the doorway, Alfred patted Jason on the back and said, “Only Master Dick has arrived. I will return after fetching Masters Tim and Damian. Dinner should be ready in the next thirty minutes.”

Then it was just the two of them in the hallway. 

Thinking about Dick in the next room, Roy turned to Jason and whispered, “Jay, babe. You’ve got this, and if anyone makes a big deal about it, I’ll just beat them up for you.”

It got the reaction he was hoping for. Jason snorted and whispered back, “As if you could take my siblings, but thanks.”

“I could totally take your siblings!”

“Yeah, which one? ‘Cause I’ll be sure to let them know.” Now Jay was smiling for real, and Roy had won. 

“Maybe let’s save this debate for when they’re less likely to be lurking in the shadows.” Roy leaned over and kissed Jason on the forehead. “It’ll be fine.”

Jason’s face looked grim, but he took a breath to steel himself and walked into the room. It was immediately obvious that Dick was pretending that he hadn’t been eavesdropping as he looked up from his phone in fake surprise. 

Then, the surprise was real.

“Jay, you–”

“Yeah.”

A beat.

“I didn’t realize you were going back to–”

“Well…” Jason walked over to the table to sit across from Dick, Roy taking the place next to him. “Figured I might give it a shot. Save money on hair dye at least.”

“True – I never even thought about the long term cost of hair dye over so many years.”

“It adds up…”

“Yeah…”

“Plus the time it takes to dye it...”

“Yeah...”

Dick was clearly floundering a little bit, and Roy felt momentarily bad again for not giving him the heads up. They hadn’t been seeing each other as often, but they’d been friends a long time. However, he’d worried about breaking his partner’s trust and had decided against it. 

Luckily, he could see it when Dick got a handle on himself. He had this face he made when he was about to take action, and Roy could spot it a mile away from the years working with the Titans.

“It looks good, Jay.”

Jason was nodding, but his posture still seemed tense. “Yeah, well, you couldn’t pull it off.” 

“Oh, yeah? Well, them’s fighting words. I might steal your look.”

Jason shrugged. “Well, I stole yours first.” 

“I’m sorry you ever felt that you had to.” 

“Not your fault.” 

“Not your fault either.”

Jason shrugged. 

Then, Dick stood up from his chair and walked around the table, holding his arms out to Jason – who rolled his eyes and met him in a firm but brief hug. 

Jay firmly patted him a couple of times on the back before breaking away. “You’re such a fucking sap, Dickhead. It doesn’t have to be that deep, or whatever. People dye their hair all the time.”

Like the sap he was, Dick replied in earnest, “You don’t have to change who you are to be part of this family. Not for me.”

It looked like Jason might say something, but it was at that moment that Tim burst into the room, pointing in declaration. “Holy shit, Jason! When did you dye your hair?”

Moment broken; awkwardness returned. 

Roy watched as Jason sighed, turned away from Dick to look at the ceiling, and reluctantly grumbled, “It’s my natural colour.”

Tim’s look of confusion was frankly comical as he looked back and forth between Dick and Jason. “Seriously? Since when? How did I not know this?” He glared accusatorily at Dick. “Did you know this?”

There was a moment of hesitation where Dick looked to Jason for some kind of sign, before replying, “Yeah, Tim. I did. Sorry, it, uh… it wasn’t really mine to bring up.” 

It was at that moment that Damian walked in, and, before he could even speak, Tim turned to him and demanded, “Did you know Jason’s a red head?”

Damian scoffed. “Of course I knew, Drake. What am I – an imbecile?" 

Seeming to come out of whatever state he’d been in, Jason rolled his eyes. “You just know from the League. Don’t act like you did detective work or some shit. R’as and Talia obviously knew too.” 

Damian crossed his arms, and Tim spluttered. “So that means everyone knew but me?” 

Roy couldn’t help but add, “I didn’t know either.” 

“But you definitely had black hair as a kid! I took photos of you as Robin for years!”

“Nope.” Jason shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant and not quite succeeding. “It was dyed.”

Tim’s arms were flung dramatically up into the air. “I don’t know why I expect normalcy in this family.” 

Throughout the theatrics, Roy had been studying Jason — Jason who was clearly on edge waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. He was clearly still tender from his conversation with Dick. Roy could spot some of his tells – his posture was tight, his right root was tapping, and he was just barely stopping his hand from playing with his sleeve. 

Finally, it seemed Tim noticed Jason’s posture as well, and he gave him a small apologetic smile. “Sorry, that was a bit much. It looks great Jason. I don’t know why it was some kind of secret, and like… I know talking about stuff isn’t really our thing—”

“It really isn’t,” cut in Jason.

“—but I’m sorry for whatever it is that made you hide it or whatever. It looks cool.”

Jason nodded, and Tim nodded back. 

And that was apparently it. 

The rest of the evening passed normally – or at least as normally as an evening at Wayne Manor ever was. The siblings bantered. Dick occasionally ran defense if someone went too far. Roy ran defense if Dick went too far. 

The beef Wellington though – outstanding. Truly a work of art. The tender beef, the crisped puff pastry, the umami from the mushrooms all blended together to absolute perfection, and if Roy wasn’t already in love, he would have married it. Even Damian’s chickpea version looked great. 

At the end of the night, they picked up Lian from her friend’s house (they took turns trading with her school friend Lilly’s parents on date night) and quickly fell into bed. 

With the lights off and the blinds closed, Roy rolled over to cradle Jason in his arms, gently tucking his leg over his partner. 

“I really am proud of you,” he murmured into Jay’s ear.

Jason snuggled in closer. Nestled in the darkness and safety of their room, wrapped in Roy’s arms, he added, “Me too.”