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Chapter Text

Irrational.

Hiding from medical care when in desperate need of it was irrational. Knowing this did not change the screaming voice in Donnie’s head that said they were done. A switch had been flipped. The shields were up. A whispered promise to himself not to shut down yet. Walking out onto a balance beam clouded in fog. Every foot forward becoming a wish for a solid platform. The goalpost kept lurching deeper into the fog and tilting the beam like a spinning log. Steer the ship back into the portal and he could be done- Except they were stopped. Fine, fight through alien mind exploration and save Raph even though it took everything out of him- Except they still had to defeat Kraang. That was acceptable, they could push Kraang to the other side of the portal and close the door- Except Leon put himself on the wrong side of said portal- Except now Mikey was making a portal- Then of course it became save Leon at any cost. Get Leon medical care. Stem the bleeding, close the gashes, get Barry to their home now- Watch his brother seize up and choke on blood- Become a different person to save someone you love-

Was the beam supposed to bow so deep? When it abruptly snapped it clapped every sensation back into Donnie. An echo of the snap feeling louder than when it happened originally. What hell did he live in where the reverb melded and collided into everything at once?

In the farthest subway car here lies the moth crippled by an echo. Eardrums bleeding. Nostrils flaring. The worst car to be in with stuck windows and one entrance. Did a little sanity leak out after the fall? Did he maybe squint through the fog of irrational thought and sabotage his own escape? A pain, a knot, a lump curled in his throat as shadows splashed the windows. No longer capable of pushing through for another unattainable goal. Blood thick and sticky on the back of his thighs. The skin over his shell pulled up and wilted. A fingernail pushing the edge of a sticker up up UP . Miles away from being a feeling he could feel and closer to a fact his brain didn't want to open.

“Purple is scared and he will hurt himself to get away from us even though he is cornered,” Splinter said, his voice grave and tired.

Donnie’s shut downs were exhausting on his family. Especially if they deemed him too unstable to be left alone. Guilt swarmed him but it didn’t change him. There was a fantasy version of himself that he wished could go to his father and submit to the medical assistance he was in dire need of.

“And we're sure he doesn't have a saw on that Battle Shell?” Raph asked around his own pain and exhaustion.

“It's a spare from the tank,” Mikey said, smaller, shakier. He should be in bed but with Leo down he must have felt obligated to help. “It's just armor. He threw his techbo at us.”

He mostly remembers the cocktail of relief and regret he had at throwing his only weapon. A cry for help because if Donnie really wanted to keep his family away for as long as possible his key to mystic powers was his best course. The conversation outside the subway car became fuzzy. The door jiggled but Donnie had locked it. They had keys and this was a subway car without a deadlock.

Inevitable capture.

Panic was a desperate bass pulling against hooks in her cheeks. Screaming and thrashing into open air. Donnie’s fingernails broke prying boxes open, his vision blurred from missing both contacts. Stolen by something that shouldn't have been touching his eye like that. Reaching around to cup the back of his eyeballs. His prize was torn from a box labelled “Mikey's Room”; an exact-o knife.

It boiled over in his throat. A low whine begging himself to not do this. To drop the knife, to let it happen, to give up the fight because his enemy was not the people outside this subway car. He wanted care, he wanted help. A scared little thing in his core cried for home. He became the scared little creature in his belly. Twisted up with anxiety he snapped the knife in half sending bits of blade to the metal floor. No rugs here. A tinkling chime before the irrational fear crashed into him. His only defense was gone. Why did he snap the one lifeline he had? Anger exploded as he hit himself in the head as hard as possible. Blood leaking from his ears. Blood leaking from his ears blood leaking from his ears and leaking from his ears and leaking from his ears-

“He's already hurting himself-” Raph panicked over a mess like him. “Oh thank god,” he breathed out just as suddenly.

Donnie knew knew knew in his bones who was here. Draxum with his vines and magic. It was Donnie who insisted they get in touch with Draxum for the fissures caused by Mikey's portal. Maybe he did it for himself too.

“It's surprising he can still use his right arm,” Draxum said, voice distorted by subway glass. 

“Purple is panicked and not thinking straight. When I open the door you must grab him without letting him hurt himself more,” Splinter said, it came through pleading.

Donnie traded hitting his head for gripping it tightly. Adrenaline was wearing off completely and the pain in his shell was climbing higher and higher. Peeling up layer after layer and picking off the glue.

The keys in the lock had him scrambling to hide behind boxes. Blood making his fingers stick to the cardboard. Some tumble over spilling possessions unburied from their last home. For a peaceful moment he felt the quiet of his old lab, staring down at his old drill bit set now open and scattered on the floor among exact-o knife shards. Distantly the door opened with a rough screech. Too close and personal Donnie's body was engulfed in purple vines. Jolted upwards just a hair before the ceiling. Expertly twisting around his limb and cradling his neck and head before rapidly ripping him from the subway car. It was dropping into a waterslide. The momentary feeling of zero gravity before he was lowered to the ground outside the car. Insides sloshing.

For once Donnie was glad that Draxum’s vines had a rough dried corn husk feel and not a wet silky texture. As much as the restraint pulled a squeal of pure panic from his throat it stopped there.

“Donnie! Hold on hold on I have you I swear I have you,” Raph's gravely voice begged for him to use logic. Trading Draxum’s vines for the huge comforting hands of his oldest brother. Tight around his biceps and letting Donnie claw back at him with weak little fingers and bent backwards nails.

“Leon!” A plea thrown towards the medbay.

Raph shook his head and lowered his face to be in Donnie's line of sight. “He can't do this. We have to. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Donnie. I'm so sorry. You're safe little brother. I promise times a million.”

The vines had his legs from ankle to upper thigh. Forcing him to stand up on his knees on a pad of thick vine guarding his shins from the cement floor. A position that would allow them to care for his shell if it weren't for the armor.

And there they would have a problem.

Donnie could trick himself into a cornered weaponless position but there was no mind game to give the code to release his battle shell. Yet his father still stood by Raph and asked him to do the impossible.

“Purple. We need you to release your battle shell.”

Frantic shaking of his whole body was the only response he could give. While Splinter felt around the edges of his shell only making his panic worse. Searching like the ship had. While Mikey volunteered ways the battle shell might come off. They eventually found the camouflaged keypad under the metal nuchal scute behind his neck. (He didn’t have scutes, but his armor did.) A vine cupped the back of his head like a neck pillow and forced him to stare down at the floor. It tore another cry of pure panic from him. Raph rubbed circles with his thumbs on Donnie’s biceps.

“Casey his ears are bleeding,” Raph said, now sitting crisscrossed in front of Donnie.

“It’s possible he ruptured his eardrums. Don't worry about applying pressure,” Casey said.

The vine around his neck was perfectly firm. It wasn't constricting his airway and when he swallowed there was a give that allowed his Adam’s apple to bob down and back up. Some tension left his neck and Draxum allowed the vine to loosen more. When Donnie leaned forward to press his forehead to Raph's he was allowed the movement. Oddly enough no one asked him for the code now that the keypad was located.

“I explained this to Leo, he gave me the code-”

Panic broke through again as April started pressing the code in. Her words fizzled out into static. They were taking his battle shell off they were taking it off-

“No no no no please I don't want anyone to touch it please guys please-”

“Donnie we have to,” Raph whispered. “You know this.”

With a click he felt the battle shell's clamps release. His armor now just resting on his shoulders. 

“Can it be Leo please Raph get Leo please please,” Donnie whispered at the blurry floor. Then the weight lifted from his shoulders and it was over. He bucked with all his strength. “NO NO GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY-” his voice popped and cracked too quickly. His throat was sore like he had been screaming for days not minutes. The vine around his neck fell away.

“It won't hurt Donnie,” April soothed. “Your big sister has your back.”

“LEO!” his voice crackled in his throat painfully. Tinted with metal. Blood dripping from his ears down his throat. “LEO PLEASE!!”

“Donnie stop!” Raph snapped, shaking Donnie’s arms. “Listen to me Leo is safe and stable but he can’t be up right now. You need treatment now.”

Fuck that it was only ever supposed to be Leo. His brother was never supposed to be so hurt he couldn't help Donnie when he needed it the most- and right now he needed it to be Leo more than anything in the world. It wasn't fair it wasn't fair it wasn't fair it came pouring out of him in screaming hot tears and useless tugging.

“How can I help?” Mikey asked, both arms mummified in white bandages and held up against his chest. Trembling like a leaf in the path of a big fat caterpillar.

Splinter hesitated, directing the chaos around Donnie. “Just stay back. Don't hurt your hands. Purple will be okay. I'll be right back.”

Awful. Everything was awful and Donnie was going to start biting which would make things more awful for everyone. “Get the fuck away from me!” he snarled when April started massaging his left hand. His right was covered in fissures and burned. It tingled deeply now as if needles were poking in one side and out through the other.

“You're okay,” April said, completely unoffended as between her hands, Raph's hand, and Draxum’s vines they positioned his left arm elbow pit up.

The lick of an alcohol pad turned Donnie's pupils to pinpricks. Fear taking away all words. His breathing harsh and erratic, he felt his mouth open and his lips peel up when a vine captured his head and forced his jaw closed. He screamed in the back of his throat and breathed behind clenched teeth. When he ran out of air he sucked in hard and screamed again. Over and over. Tears streaming down his face and spraying off his peeled up lips.

“Here,” Casey whispered, another pair of human hands on his arm. Larger and more calloused than April's. There was a sharp bite as the IV was set. “God, you guys have like all the drugs. I’ve only read about these.”

Draxum’s vines prevented him from looking at what they were doing to his left arm. There was the noise of an IV stand and the tubes hanging down. Donnie’s own screams exploded in his head and the pain alone made him trade that for hissing.

“The guy in charge of keeping our medical supplies up can make portals into pharmaceutical factories,” Raph snorted. “What's that?” he asked at the very same instant ice flooded into Donnie's left arm. Shooting up into his shoulder and chest.

“It’s okay D,” April whispered. “That one is going to really help us all out.”

“Just get Leo. Please just get Leo,” he begged, just knowing that was a sedative. It wouldn’t be the first time he had one forced on him. “I'll let Leo do it-”

“That was a sedative. This is the painkiller,” another injection, burning for a second before fading into nothing. “Then there's lidocaine injections for his shell,” April explained.

“So glad you guys have those for him,” Casey mumbled. “Not really a thing where I'm from.”

Already he felt that lead body feeling triple. Exhausted and tired. He felt his iron tight grip on April's hand loosen, he didn't remember holding her hand in the first place. It happened somewhere in the cloud of panic.

“Please get Leo please I just want it to be Leo-,” Donnie swallowed the metal taste coating his throat. “He promised it would always be him, he promised he…” his voice was so weak.

Talking sapped him of energy. He hung his head down and leaned forward to catch his ragged breath on Raph's plastron.

“Red, put this by his face,” Splinter whispered on Donnie's left.

Fabric. Breathable workout fabric was draped on Raph's left shoulder and fell down around the sides of Donnie’s head. It was Leo's basketball jersey and it was ripe.

“A shirt?” Raph asked quietly.

Splinter gave Raph's shell a few pats that Donnie felt bounced into his skull. “It's from Blue's laundry hamper. Trust me.”

Several years ago Donnie wanted a sun lamp so he was going to do everything in his power to make a sun lamp. To do this he needed a combination of UVBs and heat bulbs, all scrounged up from museums and zoos. When experimenting with what distance from a laying platform the combination lamp should hang, Donnie used the only measuring device that could give him the best data: himself. After several trials with the sun lamp Donnie wanted to do one more where he used the lamp to bask for as long as he could to determine a safe usage time. Two hours in the bulb exploded peppering his softshell with microscopic pieces of glass. When the shock of the bulb exploding after two hours of use despite being on for longer periods before faded: Donnie was left with a glass infused shell. The pain never took root in his mind. He could never remember how all that glass felt. Only the stomach curdling panic that there was glass inside him. Sharp fragments that could never be removed. He was Raph’s glitter infused silly putty dropped on a dirty floor. His shell would never be a hundred percent him .

Fear of this over anything had him begging for Leo to get the glass out. Every single piece. With tweezers or scalpels or needles- It didn’t matter the glass had to come out. With Leo's nonstop talking about how removing the glass was the world's worst version of Operation and that Donnie could at least make a buzzer noise for the immersion. Leo was so damn competitive that he would never leave glass in Donnie’s softshell. That would mean losing the game Donnie invented for him. Never once did Leo pin down Donnie’s mistake or lambast him about his stupid decisions. Raph would have words later once Leo was done with the activity Donnie dropped on him at four in the morning.

Splinter probably never knew.

Leo got all the glass. A slam dunk with every release of his tweezers. A happy little quip about the light bulb getting nervous as if it had skin in the game he just came up with. If he talked enough, maybe Donnie wouldn't pick up on how badly his twin's hands shook. How his voice quivered after repeatedly swallowing. He was only nine.

For the next hour Donnie lived in a memory of tweezers and shattered light bulbs. Snout buried in a very sour basketball shirt that smelled like getting body slammed by Leo after a four hour game. A brother that wasn’t here right now with jokes and light hearted mutterings. What was there was Raph. Alive and safe in their home and while his grip was bruise tight it was love and care. April and Splinter massaged his hands and braced him for injections into his shell. His baby brother sitting at his hip and leaning his head against his side, bandaged hands trembling against his chest. Fat caterpillars munched away at the border of Donnie's shell or maybe that was the start of a weird dream.

They did not put Donnie in the medbay, they carried him to his room and had him lay on his stomach. Donnie had groggy memories of dissolving into the hushed reassurances from Raph. Low murmurs that everyone was okay, the stitches were over, they were home and safe. Accepting that uneasily Donnie found sleep. A hard sixteen hours of sleep fogged by pain medication that had him waking up feeling like four bags of sand tied together by their corners. How was it possible to feel like wet sand and stiff as a board?

It was when they roused him to eat- (two plain grilled cheese sandwiches made with plain white bread and that individually wrapped plastic textured American cheese only he likes) -that they discovered “bruises” dotting every inch of his body. With pressing and prodding Casey and April said these weren't bruises dotting every inch of his skin in penny sized marks, they were broken blood vessels presumably from suction. That didn't surprise Donnie; he had a very clear sensory memory of every little sting from that alien console. No area of his body was spared meaning his groin and armpits hurt the worse and he didn't want anyone to know. Thankfully through implications everyone knew what was under his shorts was the same as everywhere else. No need to explain it.

Mikey told the story of the alien console and what it did so Donnie could focus on chewing his very plain grilled cheese sandwich. Guesstimation filled the rest of the story in because Donnie was never giving details. Partly because he was still mortified by his behavior from earlier. Having those episodes of irrational panic, anger, or frustration were always embarrassing. He was mortified that they placated him with a piece of dirty laundry from Leo's room. These freakouts came without reason at their worst, and at their best there was a trigger like almost dying or almost losing Leo or Alien Invasion to explain him.

There was no explanation for why that only happened to him. He didn't understand how his brothers could just shake things off.

The grilled cheese sandwiches took a lot of effort to eat. Every swallow was sharp and prickly, feeling like a knot of barbed wire. His family knew when he was sick, injured, or upset his ability to eat was diminished and they always tried to make him something easy to get down. A lot of trial and error over the years had helped them come up with several safe food items. This dinner was specifically for him because he could smell broccoli and spinach and shrimp as a real stir fry dinner was being made for everyone else. The people who didn't lose their mind at the idea of their battle shell being removed.

He was on a foot rest in the living room. Hunched over with his dinner plate balanced on his knobby knees. Eating took away the hollow pit in him but replaced it with the worst sore throat of his life. Did he gargle a staple and thumbtack smoothie? Before he had been breathing from both his nose and mouth, now as he chewed crispy buttery bread and melted cheese into a satiating bolus his nose-only inhales burned. His ear holes itched too, like when using his tongue to itch the back of his throat. He was uselessly digging his knuckle into his ear slit when he heard Raph sigh exasperated and tired. He stood from where he had been watching Donnie eat without comment.

“No, look I'm fine,” Leo said, speech slightly slurred as he came from the direction of the medbay subway car. He was trying to end the argument he was walking towards before it could begin. “Guys seriously you're killing me-” Donnie turned in time to see him stumble but between Casey and the IV pole he caught himself. “-look I'm walking in mostly a straight line,” he laughed, eyes wide from his almost fall.

He was in horrible shape. No part of his shell was visible he was wearing a vest of gauze. He had started bruises up and down all of his limbs. Gashes and cuts. A broken left index finger and his right leg was in a straight splint. Both eyes were black and nearly swollen shut. His top and bottom lips split open giving him huge swollen hotdog lips.

Raph rushed in to help. “Leo!”

“I'm so sorry Master Raphael he talked me into it!” Casey said, guilt spread across his face. There was no clear way to painlessly support Leo’s weight but Casey was trying his best.

“Don't call me Master-,” Raph snapped his mouth shut and screamed in the back of his throat. “And Leo you are not walking fine you're leaning on Casey and your IV pole-”

“If anything I'm walking Casey to the couch,” Leo pivoted, stumbling past Raph and into the living room. Donnie silently turned his body to keep Leo in focus. “Come along my student,” he said cheerily to Casey.

With his foot (and surprisingly good balance) Casey reached his leg around to the other side of Leo, dipped down and prevented the wheels of his IV pole from catching the carpet. Motion like a ballerina dipping down while twirling on skates. “Again I am so sorry,” Casey told Raph, Donnie, and now Mikey who was pulled in by Raph's exasperated throat scream. “Technically he's my Sensei I can't say no. I know he should be in bed. I’m sorry.”

He sounded so sorry. He sounded close to tears. Everyone’s frustration and fear clouded up the room.

Through the drama Donnie ate the last half of his second sandwich. Rubbing the crumbs from his left hand by rubbing his fingertips together. His right arm was mittened in white gauze up to just over his bicep making it kind of useless.

“Leo you are abusing a relationship you have yet to build with your future pupil for your own gain-” Raph started.

“Raph can we, like, not do this in front of my number one student? My prized protege?” Leo whined, swollen eyes on the couch to the side of the living room. It sat three and had little end tables on the left and right arm rests. “I don't want him to grow up in a dysfunctional home environment-”

“I'm almost eighteen,” Casey pleaded. “It’s too late, maybe go back to the medbay?”

Leo dismissed this with a bandaged flick of his left hand. Momentarily letting go of the IV pole with his stunted right arm (which was the only undamaged part of him. His prosthetic arm was totalled.) Both the bandages on his left arm were just a few layers while Mikey, Donnie, and Raph had padding making their limbs pretty useless outside of resting on tops of thighs or armrests. Leo's bandages cover scab and already clotted marks. There were awful purple and brown bruises on his thighs and around his neck. They sprouted up fast and became super dark, it made Donnie wonder if Leo was hit harder and that was why the bruises looked older than they should. The idea collapsed when he realized a bruise that bad would also fracture his femur, or they'd be worried about internal bleeding.

“Hush my student, the couch is here,” Leo said, legs wobbling. He was somehow putting weight on his right leg despite the splint. “I'm very proud of you for listening to me, your Sensei, and no one else,” he said, collapsing on the couch with a scrunched up face. “This is very healthy!” he wheezed painfully.

Raph came over and pushed a footrest in front of Leo’s seat. With his unbandaged right hand he grabbed both of Leo’s ankles and set them on the foot rest. “Casey, he's normally not this pompous, we swear.”

“Eehhhhhh,” Mikey vocalized from behind Donnie, his thickly bandaged arms cradled to his chest.

The new human teenager they all recently adopted (with no family meeting Donnie would like to add) shook his head. “It's cool. Believe me I can read his tone,” he said, with a fondness that gave him several Donnie points. 

Hmm… ten, ten Donnie points.

Unfortunately Casey had five billion negative Donnie points for closing the portal after Leo. He sat his empty grilled cheese plate to the side and tried to swallow the scratchiness in the back of his throat.

“Who made it so blurry and bright in here guys?” Leo asked, swatting at the dimly lit living room. “It's dinner not open heart surgery turn things down a little and get that guy who's talking right now to shut up-”

“That guy is you,” Raph deadpanned, as Leo continued to complain about all the noise he was making. “Nevermind,” Raph said, turning to the small frail human boy with negative four billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety Donnie points under his right arm. “Casey, do you want shrimp stir fry or a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Together the duo left. Donnie bounced his legs waiting for them to be gone.

“I've never had either,” Casey said, unsure.

“Okay man,” Raph sighed.

“You guys eat shrimp yokai?”

As soon as it felt safe to move without being scolded, Donnie vaulted to the couch to sit next to Leo. His twin blinked at him slowly before frowning.

“Donnie you should be in bed dude,” Leo said, words tired and lazy. “Oh god what happened-” he hissed through his teeth taking Donnie’s chin and turning his head to view what was the most obvious injury: the bursted blood capillaries under every inch of his skin.

Mikey sat on Leo’s footrest, arms still held uneasily up. Broken open skin from mystic wounds didn’t feel good in slings. “It's a sore topic. We're taking care of it. Nothing life threatening, it just looks real bad.”

If Leo believed that he didn’t show it. Instead he took Donnie’s left arm and twisted it around to see every inch. Even his cuticles had marks on them. The only place he had any relief was under the bandages of his right arm and his shell. Some numbing agent kept the itchy sore away from him.

“From piloting the ship?” Leo asked, eyes barely open for all the bruising on his face and staring at Donnie’s nails.

Donnie nodded, throat too sore to talk even if today’s and yesterday's experiences weren’t completely too much. Leo’s teeth began to grind so Donnie took his hand away from Leo and flicked him in the cheek lightly. It broke the tension and suddenly the living room smelled strongly of shrimp stir fry. Once Leo had food in his hand he was shoveling rice and company into his mouth. Plate held up to his face with his left hand (broken finger held up out of the way) and his smaller right arm equipped with a spoon to shovel everything into his mouth. Everyone stared for a few moments as Leo was often like Donnie after a hard mission: Picking at his food and struggling to take more than a few bites. Here was Leo devouring half his stir fry in thirty seconds.

“Want seconds, Leo?” Raph asked, sitting in dad’s recliner. Any other day this would be a huge no but Baron and Splinter were eating in the kitchen at the breakfast bar.

Leo nodded while putting the plate against his open mouth and using his other hand to push the last three bites of food into his mouth. He held out his empty plate to Raph who quickly stood up and took it back to the kitchen.

The shock wore off and Donnie turned to look at Mikey. His little brother was struggling with the fork as his hands were both just gauze mittens. Donnie held out his hand for Mikey’s fork and watched the way his brother’s face flushed with embarrassment.

“Donnie no it’s okay, Raph said, Raph said he can help me finish when he’s done eating-” Mikey said, fork in his hand trembling. “-it's okay I know you can barely stand the smell.”

Adamant that he could handle the smell he kept his hand out for Mikey’s fork. His brother broke and offered the fork after a moment. Raph returned with seconds for Leo. Donnie loaded up a full fork-load of stir fry with a bit of everything and fed Mikey dinner one bite at a time.

Leo ate four large plates of shrimp stir fry and drank three glasses of water. After a few minutes he staggered to the bathroom while pushing away all offers for help.

The subway car deemed the “medbay” had two beds. One at each end against sealed off doors. Splinter’s room was on one side, Leo’s bedroom was on the other. The other track had Mikey, Raph, and Donnie’s room. There were then several off the rail subway cars that made up the remainder of their game room, and storage. A Dojo was created by making a platform over Donnie and Raph’s room on top of their cars then spanning over the wide space between the tracks on top of Leo’s subway car and the medbay. There was a metal staircase on each side and a railing around the entire dojo at April’s insistence. 

Only one turtle needed to be in the medbay: Leo. Despite only spending seventeen long minutes in the prison dimension he had an infected crack in his carapace that only an antibiotic drip could help. When bedtime crawled around Donnie agreed to retreat to his room, but instead used the second level dojo as a way to sneak between the tracks and slip into the medbay. Upon which his twin didn’t even look up from his phone before lifting the edge of his blankets to invite Donnie into his bed.

Now that everyone had been home for over twenty four hours the adrenaline was completely gone. There was so much Donnie wanted to ask Leo but could only muster stomping over to Leo’s bed and angrily clutching his stupid twin around the middle. Pinning Leo’s left arm between them and allowing Donnie’s fissured right arm to rest on top of the blankets.

Leo sighed and allowed this. Lips swelling to join his eyes.

Without a voice (a combination of his awful sore throat and being overwhelmed) he had to show Leo he was unbelievably upset with him through mental will alone. He pressed his itchy forehead into Leo’s plastron then glared up at the underside of his brother’s chin.

“I can feel you glaring at me,” Leo said, still scrolling his phone. With his left arm snug around Donnie he had to use his right hand to scroll his phone. It was awkward because he couldn't wear his prosthetic to help him overcome the size difference between his hand and his cellular device. Yet Leo persisted. “D, I had to,” he said, whispering. Casey was sleeping in Leo’s room and Splinter was in the other. “They told me there was blood leaking out the sides of your battle shell- they had to know what was under there-”

‘That code was for you only.’ Donnie squinted at Leo so hard. No signing. No words. Leo would understand through glares alone.

Leo rolled his swollen eyes then winced and rubbed his temple with the corner of his phone. “That code was for emergencies. We had that talk a long time ago.”

A battle shell that could be removed by anyone was a security risk. Especially if they were captured there shouldn’t be an obvious and glaring eject shell button on his armor. Leo took issue with that because if Donnie became unconscious he wouldn’t be able to remove his shell. To placate his brother Donnie installed a way to enter codes for emergencies- with the strict rule it was only for emergencies and for Leo to use. That said Donnie had to look away a bit scornfully as he hadn’t thought about anyone else needing to give him medical care. Foolish in hindsight but Donnie was the most comfortable with his twin treating him.

“That was an emergency,” Leo said, as if he could hear Donnie’s thoughts. “You can be mad at me Donnie because I’m mad at myself. When April told me I was pissed you didn’t say anything until after Mikey and I were patched up. I am unbelievably mad at you that you would try and hide an injury so dangerous-” his voice popped.

Okay okay okay Donnie felt really bad and his anger was simmering away. He coughed and squeezed Leo’s middle a bit harder. Barely a squeeze at all, moreso just Donnie raising his shoulders with the idea of a squeezing hug. Leo would understand it.

“D, how did that even happen?” Leo whispered, pulling his left arm free and stroking the back of Donnie’s skull. “Do these itch? If your shell wasn’t peeled up I would have you soak in some b-bedodine?” Leo shook his head. “God, don’t quote me on that. I am pretty sure that would help. Betadine?” he questioned. “Fuck my head is killing me.”

Donnie shook his head. He didn’t want a betadine soak. He wanted to pretend-squeeze Leo and not answer dumb-dumb questions about what he did in the ship. The Kraang hickeys coated him in itchiness that he could only escape in sleep.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Leo said, his left arm hovered above Donnie's body. “Is it okay to- no of course not.” He got his phone and started typing. Then Leo gripped the railing of the bed on the other side of Donnie so he wouldn’t rest the weight of his arm on his bandaged shell. “Tomorrow I am looking at how they did the stitches,” he muttered.

A few minutes later Raph entered the medbay car with a pillow, Donnie shrunk against Leo’s side fearing removal.

“You shouldn’t be sharing a bed with him,” Raph said quietly. “You don’t want to reopen his wounds.”

“Yeah well my heart is a wound and if I have to kick him out of here I will be-” Leo froze. “Dammit Raph your face made me ruin my perfect comeback.”

“Raph’s face did no such thing, it's probably the painkillers.”

Leo groaned. “Listen, I broke his rule about the battle shell, he can break my rule,” his twin reasoned, and Donnie helpfully nodded. “Yes, that’s the one you’re amazing, but honestly my ability to describe this one pillow so well is doing a lot of the lifting here,” he said as Raph came closer. “Put it against his shell and then I’ll rest my arm there,” a cushioned weight rested against Donnie’s shell. It was unnerving but he was holding Leo which was doing a lot to keep him calm. “Perfect. That okay D? Lay completely motionless if that’s okay.”

The sensation was bearable. He needed to agree to it if he wanted to share the bed with Leo- but there was something off putting about the pressure. He toed his ankles uneasily but found the weight stable and unmoving. After a few seconds he tried laying as still as possible and found no real difference in pain with or without the pillow on his back.

“It looks okay,” Raph said. “Text if you need anything.” The tone was strong and Donnie read into it to mean if Leo needed a certain bed dwelling twin kicked to his own room. Raph leaned over the bed and smooched the top of Leo's head while very gently squeezing Donnie’s shoulder. “I’m bunking with Mikey, for obvious reasons. Dude can’t use his hands,” he said, standing up again, head brushing the ceiling before he remembered to duck down.

“I will text, I will,” Leo said, reaching to take hold of Raph’s hand. The IV line in the back of his hand knocked the side of the hospital bed. “I love you. Tell Mikey I love him too. Remind him that tomorrow his hands could probably handle those food prep gloves so he can use the bathroom without help.”

That certainly put Donnie’s misery into perspective. At least he could wipe his own butt and use the bathroom without assistance. Which… had he gone to the bathroom since the technodrome? He hadn’t eaten much. Only those grilled cheese sandwiches then he backslid (as Mikey called it) but it was because of his sore throat. He had a Jello cup: Lime. And a pudding cup: Vanilla.

“Yeah, I will. Right now I’m not sure he can extend his arms,” Raph said, tired. “I shouldn’t be worrying you about this stuff.”

He heard Leo’s heart skip a beat as if he told Mikey to open the portal to the prison dimension himself.

“I never worry,” Leo said, a grin sweetening his voice.

“I'm really sorry Donnie,” Raph said, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder again. “You needed the help bad little brother. I hope you can forgive me.”

Without hesitation Donnie reached back with his left arm and squeezed Raph’s hand. The wounds under the bandages burned with the strain but he needed Raph to know he wasn’t mad. Just unable to talk at the moment.

“I love you both too. I love you a lot. Go to bed Leo,” Raph said as he made his exit.

“I will. I swear. Look,” he grabbed his sleeping mask from the blankets and put it on with one hand. Over his swollen black eyes he was that committed to the dumb joke. “I’m sleepy already. Wee-snaw , as they say when sleeping soundly.”

Raph grumbled and shut the metal doors. Predictably the second the coast was clear Leo had a finger hooked under that mask and set it around his forehead. Phone back in his hand and even on the lowest volume Donnie could recognize what his brother was watching. Streetview videos of the invasion. People screaming. When Donnie went still and rigid Leo quickly muted his phone but the videos still reflected in his black puffy eyes.

So naturally Donnie reached up and pulled his sleeping mask down. No more phone for Nardo if he’s going to torture himself.

Leo huffed good naturedly and moved his mask back up. Donnie allowed this for ninety seconds before covering his eyes again. Eventually Leo’s arm tired of pivoting from scrolling to moving his sleeping mask and he groaned.

“Donnie, why are you like this? Do you know how long I have been without the internet?” he whined. “Let me do some scrolling.”

They were all addicted to their phone but was Leo really that needy for his social media scroll after what, thirty six hours from Casey showing up from the future? When Donnie gave Leo a confused look his brother rolled his eyes (regretted it with a wince) then finally powered his phone off.

“Fiiiiiiine,” he hissed. “You win you win you win you quilted bruised barnacle.” 

The torture was over but Leo did not sleep. Donnie tried to stay up until he felt Leo settle, but his own exhaustion was too powerful. The pain on every inch of his skin was too much. Sleep became such a peaceful option that when it extended its hand towards Donnie he fully embraced it. Leo’s teeth chattered in his dreams, something about his brother’s behavior followed him down to REM. He blinked awake to Leo’s teeth still chattering, then fell asleep to that uneasy thought that something wasn’t adding up.

Strep throat had a simple test. A swabbing taken from the back of the throat. Donnie always triggered his gag reflect flossing his back molars. When he had wisdom teeth to floss that got him gagging too. That swabbing for strep always came with an apologetic twin and three large dry heaves into a puke bucket. Donnie struggled to swallow pills bigger than tic-tacs. When he was really small he didn't understand that Tums were to be chewed like a vitamin enriched fruit gummy. He swallowed the three he had been handed from his father like pills and the chalky outside of the compressed disk stuck to the back of his tongue. Deep in his throat he could feel the calcium tablets cling and stick. It was Raph who heimliched them out after a lot of coughing and frantic gesturing. His father froze in shock, only scolding Donnie for trying to swallow Tums like pills. Alas, it was the origin story for fearing pills.

The nightmares happened then too. Waking up fearing the Tums were still back there. Had he truly coughed all three disks up? Then why did he swear he could feel a sharp edge digging into his throat and catching the edge of every inhale? Endured silently because it was his fault in the first place. Not yet understanding that his father reacted out of fear and regretted his remarks. All Donnie took from that day was he had almost killed himself.

And it was his fault.

Those Tums dreams faded. New fears rose up over old ones and childish things like choking to death broke against the rocks and became seafoam. His father apologized for not remembering that Donnie had never had Tums before. 

His father did not apologize for anything else.

Now the dreams returned and they were not flavored chalky berries. The thing stopping up his throat was cold as ice and wet. It had sprung his jaw open and filled the space between his teeth. Pinning his tongue and flossing behind his molars. His gagging turned into screaming, his clenched shut nostrils were pushed past. A pressure so intense he felt his eyes bug out of his skull. The worst brain freeze in the world to distract him from the bisecting path being explored in his throat. Lungs burning and filling with fluid tentacle, his stomach flipping as he experienced the reverse of project vomiting: rapid force feeding.

Thoughts had raced. Mikey was in danger. This felt so wrong but there was no turning back and if there was anything that could make it okay it was Leo. Cradling the back of his head and promising it would be quick. A swab. A test for strep. Assuring that this was not a repeat of what happened with those Tums because Leo knew it was always about the Tums. The grudge he couldn't get over so he passed it to the ten inch q-tip Leo was trying to convince him was different. There was nothing to worry about. Leo was too skilled to drop the swab down his throat. It would be over in a blink and there was hot chamomile tea in his favorite travel mug waiting to chase the feeling away. 

If he could get through that then- he could get through this now. He would lie to himself. He'd rewrite what was happening so he could allow it to be done. Because the world counted on him to get the Technodrome back through the portal.

He would make it Leo.

Unspoken between them, Leo didn't say a word to anyone about having to physically stop Donnie from tearing the skin off his own neck that morning. He just bandaged the scratch marks after calming him down and it got lost in all the other injuries on his body.

Then came breakfast. Plain and easy to eat. Oatmeal that Donnie drowned in extra milk making it a soup. Then he waited until it was tepid to eat. His family had eggs, bacon, toast, and watched Casey experience jam for the first time. It was too sweet and made his eyes burn and he felt really guilty about scraping it all off.

Everyone was exhausted but Leo was animated as ever. Making jokes and telling Casey about all the things he needed to try. There was a ringing in Donnie’s ears that followed him through breakfast and back to the medbay for his bandages to be changed. (Nobody was pleased that Donnie had slept in Leo's bed last night but there was nothing that could be done now.) 

Despite nodding that Leo was allowed to touch his shell Mikey insisted on sitting between Donnie's legs so they could watch whatever the all-knowing YouTube algorithm spit out for them. In the war between anxious little brother and being too tired to sit up on his own: Anxious little brother won. Donnie slumped forward resting his chin on top of Mikey's head, arms loosely crossed over his brother's shoulders. 

No one remembered that Donnie had level twelve myopia (-12.50 in his right eye, and -12.75 in his left) the video on Mikey's tablet was a mottled slide show of blurry colored blocks. His contacts were in his room but his eyes were too dry and irritated for them. His skin was too rashy and bruised for his goggles. Apathy settled over him while Leo unwrapped his shell, standing on the other side of the bed with Raph as his assistant, fretting over Leo's state just as much as Donnie's.

“Casey did this?” Leo asked, surprise in his voice.

Donnie bristled against it. Fear leaping forward in his mind. Casey did what to him and his shell? A stranger messed with his body. A strange human they didn't even know- The ball of sunshine that was Michelangelo rubbed his skull under Donnie's chin forcing him to swallow the thoughts away.

“With April,” Raph added to a memory Donnie barely had the outline for. “He said he had a little bit of experience sewing up Donnie's shell. But he called Donnie, Master Donatello instead, so he probably meant the Donnie from his timeline.”

Leo hummed and Donnie felt a blotting of something cold and jelly-like on his softshell. “I think the worst thing about the apocalypse would be watching my skin cream get lower and lower with no hope of replacement,” he said, not responding to any of what Raph just said.

“Not all the people dying?” Raph asked, deadpan.

“There can be two worst things, Raph,” Leo huffed, his breath on Donnie’s wet shell flashing it to ice.

Donnie winced and Mikey turned the volume up of the video. Cave exploring. Donnie hate-watched the hobby obsessively with Mikey. The vlog type videos always had the reassurance that the cavers made it out. How else would they edit and upload the video? Today two brothers were in Montana exploring the state's deadliest private access cave called ‘The Cobra's GI Track’ (or close enough) where several hobbyist and thrill seekers had lost their lives.

“Why would anyone willingly explore a cave with that name?” Donnie asked.

Somehow despite the popping and crackling in Donnie's voice he was understood. 

“To know what's in the cave. To bond with your sibling while you both partake in a dangerous hobby,” Mikey said happily.

“Eesh, Donnie, is your throat hurting you?” Leo asked.

It burned worse than strep. His sinuses felt dry and packed with scabbed blood. The feeling of flaring his nostrils after a nosebleed where all the sticky dried blood yanked on the membrane and tissues inside. Swallowing shot pain up into his ears but he had no way to explain why this happened. Thinking about the cause wasn't going to make anything hurt less.

The silence was filled by Raph, “He screamed himself hoarse when we removed his Battle Shell. He did that thing he does but on level one hundred.”

“Right,” Leo said, stiff.

Screaming hadn't helped. The embarrassment was a cloud above Donnie's head. It was a full body wince that made him want to curl up and die. For a moment being injured was a crutch for his behavior because there was sympathy. When he completely lost it because there was too much noise he had no excuse. However if he was physically fine his brothers had no issues leaving him alone. Locked away in his lab for five days with three portals a day that pushed takeout containers in.

There was no hiding now. Not when he needed his wounds cleaned. Not when he needed medication. Not when he was being dosed with a very heavy painkiller that required he be monitored. Checked in on. Supervised.

“Hey Donnie since you're talking,” Raph said, spreading lies and rumors. “This is from piloting the ship, huh?”

His teeth were creaking from how hard his jaw was clamped shut.

Mikey heard it, tablet balancing in his mummified arms. “He'll talk about it when he's ready to Raph,” tone just shy of warning.

“Think it might help to know what we're dealing with,” Raph said, tones matching now.

Before Donnie could waffle on that. His promise to never let whatever was wrong with him hurt his wellbeing- Leo stopped blotting.

“Okay Raph can you take a picture before I wrap him back up,” Leo said, limping to a cabinet. “We're getting you a guard D, that way you can put some clothes on. I know how much you love wearing clothes.”

A guard was a clear acrylic shield that was formed using Donnie's shell as the original reference. It had holes cut out to allow airflow and went on top of a heavy layer of gauze and then under one final layer to keep it in place. Same as the battle shell there was a padded shoulder bit that kept it up on his shell. A purely utilitarian belt connected the sides and could be tightened down over his plastron.

Pictures were taken, uploaded to electronic medical files, brothers were moved. Donnie sat on a padded stool while Raph and Leo passed a roll of gauze around Donnie like two people stringing lights on a Christmas tree.

“Sit up straight,” Leo reminded Donnie every few passes.

His body was weighted down. Gravity pulled on his insides. Despite getting sleep he felt he could sleep again. Not only did his shell hurt, the muscles in his back burned. Annoyingly the best position for this back pain would be to lay on his back with a couple pillows under his knees. Depending on where he was laying he might want a rolled up towel under his neck. That position wouldn't be possible for months. 

This body was a prison cell.

“After this we're addressing your wounds Leo,” Raph warned.

“Not what we agreed on,” Leo said, a lawyer objecting to the judge. “Arms for all three of you and then I will allow Casey to continue with my shell.”

“We know how to fix cracked carapaces,” Mikey said.

‘We’ in this case was all of them, including the resident softshell. That was what Leo got for being the medic and the first one to crack his shell attempting a ridiculous skateboard trick. His brother did nail the trick shot and it was amazing and Donnie got the best footage- but immediately after nailing it Leo had tripped, fallen over, reached out to catch himself with his skateboard in hand and landed on the edge of the board.

That was how Donnie, Raph, and Mikey learned that bra hooks and UV resin were essential hand on items for carapace repair.

“You didn't close the portal with me inside.” Leo said, holding the roll of gauze and not passing it back to Raph.

He got lost in what was going on. Leo liked Casey now he was blaming the kid? Sure Donnie was pissed off at Casey but Casey was following an order.

The same way Donnie followed his own orders that day. He clenched and unclenched his left hand in his lap. Nails scraping into bruises and hurting more than normal.

“You told him to do that Leo, you can't hold that against him. Not that I like that he listened,” Raph clarified.

Donnie clenched harder, delicate skin peeled up from the meat of his palm.

“I'm not, it's not a punishment-” Leo snapped.  “Do you think I blame him for following my orders? Seriously?”

“Guys!” Mikey scolded.

Blood beaded up where Donnie’s nails pressed into his hand. Staining the edge of his nail. His skin felt wrong. Raph's right hand covered Donnie's left. A finger was used to stop Donnie from hurting himself more. He watched it like it was happening on the screen of a tablet.

To someone else.

This body was a prison.

“Oh look what you've done-” Leo snarled at Raph.

“What both of you have done,” Mikey snapped, slamming his heavily bandaged hands on his thighs. “Change the damn topic and learn to read the room,” he said, tears in his voice.

Silence. Raph held Donnie's left hand open and Leo finished securing the gauze and the guard around his shell before spinning the stool and bandaging the self-inflicted injury. Shame licking the back of Donnie’s sore throat. Where there would usually be words for Donnie and what he had just done; Mikey’s and Raph's presence stole them away.

“Casey needs to continue caring for my shell because he started it and we all know how hard it is to pick up in the middle of someone else's arts and craft project,” Leo said, wrapping Donnie's hand with care. It had to be difficult with a broken left finger and a stunted right hand but Leo didn't show his frustration. He just picked up his gauze when he accidentally dropped it and carried on. “And before you say anything else,” he warned, looking over Donnie's shoulder at Raph, “Casey is desperate to help us in any way and is guilty about… doing the thing with the other thing . He wants to fix my carapace. I want him to, too. To too? That sounds weird.”

A beat of silence. Leo let go of Donnie’s hand and disposed of old gauze.

“You get what I'm saying,” Leo said, flippant.

“Okay,” Raph agreed.

“Also full offense I trained him so obviously he is going to do a better job than any of you. Alright D, you're ready for prom!” Leo said, left hand hovering near Donnie before he realized there was no uninjured area on his person to pat.

Donnie still glared at him.

“Maybe you need a little foundation before you go,” Leo said, twisting his swollen lops up in a way that has to be agonizing. “Okay, arm time,” he clapped once while holding his broken finger out. Small right hand smacking the middle of his left palm. “Show me these arms. Mikey, are you okay going first?”

“Sure….”

The tablet was passed to Donnie who took it to the other end of the subway car. Away from whatever tense thing was happening between Mikey, Raph, and Leo. Letting Leo look at his leathery torn up shell was hard enough and the audience left a buzz on his already wrong flesh.

His whole body felt raw and wrong and he folded himself up against the headboard of the other bed. Mikey had another cave diving video that Donnie blindly poked the screen to start again. Any noise to cancel out his thoughts. Somewhere in the blurry video and his own shivering Casey came in. Dressed in a pair of Leo's sweatpants and one of Mikey's t-shirts. Neon blue with a unicorn pooping a rainbow on it. Ironically a hand-me-down from Leo that no longer fit over his shell. That's how Donnie even knew what was on the shirt with his horrible eyes.

“We can't heal these,” Casey said, the older teens blurry form standing in front of Mikey's equally blurry form seated on the edge of the bed. “They're from overusing your mystic powers, you need Grandpa to treat them.”

“Splinter can heal these?” Leo asked incredulously. He was hardly alone seeing as Splinter treated every malady with hot soup and ice packs. “Since when?”

“No, Grandpa Barry?” Casey said, unprepared for the gun that went off.

“No way!” Mikey bounced on the bed and kicked his legs.

Leo dramatically fell against the cabinets prompting Raph to actually try and catch him. Accidentally playing into the theatrics. “No no no no no it’s a different Barry. It’s a very common name!” he wailed, falling into Raph's arms.

Casey scratched his head. “He was here yesterday to help with-, to help with what was happening to Master Donatello. Baron Draxum. Alchemist Warrior.”

Leo clutched his chest. 

“And you call him Grandpa?” Raph asked. Donnie could hear the lip curl.

“Yeah, uh, but not anymore he uhm threatened to step on me if I ever called him that again,” Casey said, voice thick. “Kind of hurt, just a little. Dude used to tell me stories about little kids being eaten for wandering off, now he wants to step on me… it's cool.”

“He tells those stories to kids?” Mikey whispered.

“I mean they were just bedtime stories-”

“Well did he tell you the bedtime story where he threw me off a roof?!” Leo gasped, sitting up and pulling himself to his feet out of Raph's arms. “Did he tell you that story, Casey?”

The teenager took several steps back, encroaching on Donnie's side of the medbay now. “Oh. Guys. I'm sorry, I don't really know the situation I think Master Michelangelo always said it was... Uhm, like, an unrequited thing?” he said uncertainly, firing another gun. “They were on and off then The Invasion happened?”

Leo and Mikey screamed with different emotions. Raph tried to shush them in a vain effort to keep the noise down. Donnie crumpled in on himself, the noise spiking his heart rate and crushing his skull in with deep throbs.

“I’m sorry guys I have the past and the future all scrambled in my brain… and my grandpa hates me,” Casey yelped, helplessly as his butt hit the endboard of Donnie’s bed.

A hiss crept out of Donnie’s throat. The noise. The subway car was loud and overwhelming and- his skin was wrong.

“Unrequited?” Three brothers ask in a cacophony of different undulations. “Unrequited love?”

Casey swallowed. “Yes? I don't remember how Master Splinter died in my timeline but he died before Grandpa Barry could... Uh... how do I say this?”

“Make his feelings known,” Donnie provided, voice flat.

“Right! Thank you Master Donatello!” Casey said. “But I guess he was my grandpa because Sensei always said he was his dad. And he was open about having two dads.”

“I approved of this?” Leo asked, outraged.

“I guess I thought he must have told Master Splinter how he felt by now?” Casey asked. Shuffling his hands around. “They were pretty cozy eating dinner in the kitchen last night, they were holding hands-”

Leo covered his ears. “NO!”

“Oh my god,” Raph said, staring in the middle distance.

“OHMIGOSH!” Mikey squealed. “Maybe we saved the world and their relationship! How sweet!”

The noise, uhg, if the idea of walking to his room wasn't just terrible Donnie would be bolting out of the medbay. Right now the presence of his brothers kept him from focusing on his skin. Or the internal pain that was holding hands in his gut.

‘I should probably tell Leo about this,’ Came a fearful little thought. Under it scary possibilities like, ‘Appendicitis’ and ‘gallstones’ piped up. 

“Betrayal,” Leo gasped. “Betrayed by my own father.”

Was this much pain normal? It seemed to travel with his food. Dinner the other night had caused a massive stomach ache that got lower and lower. Right now he had that kind of cramping that came with constipation. He knew it wasn't that- he knew he was completely empty after piloting the ship. The thoughts might as well have been his own when it happened. The maximum amount of contact had to be made and pesky things like food waste, bile, urine, snot, mucus linings all needed to be taken out. Replaced by biological contact. 

Horrifying, really. He knew that was not right looking back. It had been painful and felt so extremely wrong. Why was he only thinking about that now? No wonder his ears, nose, mouth, and… cloaca burned so much. His mind drifted to everything that was in his cloaca that he didn't want anything making contact with. What exactly did the Technodrome touch? Where did it insert itself? Why was he so scared of knowing?

“Here, Master Donatello, can I look at your arm?” Casey said, coming to the side of the bed.

Donnie jerked out of his thoughts. Terrible tumbling thoughts and considered the situation. Casey was more knowledgeable than Leo on mystic injuries. In response Donnie held out his heavily bandaged right arm for Casey to check. On the other side of the medbay Leo was outfitting Mikey with those custom food prep gloves Donnie made five hundred thousand pairs of at once. (All of them survived the Shredder destroying their home.) Donnie had taken over a glove factory for one night, loading in a custom model of their own hand to make consumer grade mutant turtle food prep and latex gloves. Leo and Mikey needed them the most and Donnie only ever wanted to take over a glove factory one time. Donnie heard Mikey express relief that now that his fingers were individually wrapped and he could wear a glove- he could now use the bathroom by himself. A task Raph had been helping him with because that was the nature of losing functionality in both hands. Mikey apologized awkwardly, Raph had none of it because they were brothers. Donnie watched on, feeling his own shame bubble forward.

Casey was rewrapping his right arm, turning his hand from a gauze mitten to a gauze glove. Being right handed Donnie was actually pretty inconvenienced by the mystic fissures. Raph was left handed which meant he too was forced to use his non-dominant hand. If only he and Raph had switched sides while helping Mikey make the portal to the prison dimension. Donnie supposed their thoughts had been elsewhere.

Such as the Leo that came through with injuries too old to make sense.

Donnie avoided eye contact with Casey. Not that he had the ability to look Casey in the eye in the first place; he was new. Yet this lack of eye contact was pure embarrassment. “Sorry about yesterday,” he mumbled.

Because Casey was new and he also saw Donnie do that.

“It’s cool Master Donatello. Stress happens to everyone,” Casey said, smiling. A smile Donnie couldn't see but hear.

He swallowed the glass in his throat and nodded tightly.

After being cleared from the medbay Donnie used the very little energy he had to put a pair of sweatpants on (black with a strip of pink reflective fabric down the outside of the pant legs) and a large pink hoodie that used to be Raph's when he was eleven.

It still didn't fit Donnie. It hung to his mid thigh.

Even with all the sleep he got last night snoozing against his twin until past lunchtime, Donnie had no energy for anything else. He zombie-walked back to the living room. Casey joined him on the walk, wearing Leo's clothes and looking far too skinny. Brushing the underweight appearance with sharp shoulders and his borrowed sweatpants cinching above his hip bones. 

Donnie nodded when Casey addressed him but still only managed to look at the taller human’s collarbone. They trudged along in companionable one sided silence on Donnie’s part, vaguely aware that Casey was talking to him. All the words were garbled and put Donnie on a knife’s edge. The human gave up by the time they arrived at the living room. Leo was already chattering a mile a minute with energy Donnie couldn’t understand.

“Casey. Grab a blanket and join us,” Leo said, from where he was curled in Raph's lap. “You look sad.”

The boy had stubble on his chin. The start of a patchy beard that he kept picking at whenever he was nervous. “I'm fine. I don't want to impose-”

Razors. Deodorant. Human shampoo not just the salon pet shampoo they order for dad. Nose hair trimmer. Tweezers. April would need to find his foundation and the best eyebrow pencils. He had acne. He definitely needed a gentle soap for his face and unscented moisturizers. Already Donnie was forming a toiletry bag for Casey Jones in his mind. Looking at him when he wasn't looking back at Donnie he saw nice full eyebrows. A little shaping to pluck the stray hairs trying to form a drawbridge from one brow to the other had to be done. No unibrows allowed in this bloodline. Which included future students of Leo's.

“He wants your body heat Case’,” Raph said, tiredly.

“Raph shut up,” Leo groaned with an eyeroll. “Oh Casey, my amazing student whom I favored the most probably, you look haggard,” Leo said, sweetly. Mask tails for a mask he clearly forgot he wasn’t wearing were thrown back over his shoulder. “A movie will do nicely. And bring your body heat for no reason.”

Casey gave a half smile but relented. That was his teacher according to Casey and every interaction between them proved it was a close relationship. The data was mounting and weighted and catalogued- the only thing Donnie could firmly confirm about the future Casey came from was that he was taken under Leo's wing at some point.

Why else would he paint those red crescents on his mask in the same exact color as Leo's when black would be so much cooler? The boy was sentimental and that had to be Leo's sappy influence as his Sensei.

When picking out where to hunker down Donnie chose to lay on a rolled out futon next to Mikey. The box turtle was asleep, curled up like a cat on another futon with a pillow to wrap all his limbs around. Head completely inside his shell under a fleece blanket. Raph was on the other side of the living room with his shell against the front of the couch. A thin blanket over his shoulders, another futon under him. Leo was sitting in his lap wrapped in a blanket and begging Casey with his eyes to come sit in Raph's lap with him. Casey seemed hesitant.

Years of knowing how Donnie was when he was hurt or injured meant no one begrudged him laying down four feet away from Mikey and twelve feet away from Raph. He did not want to be touched, he did not want to cuddle. He didn’t even want a blanket or pillow.

“Come here Casey, Raph’s got room,” Raph said, offering his right side for the boy. “How are you feeling Donnie?”

Donnie shrugged, wincing as he splayed out on his plastron and decided bending his knees so his feet stood straight up was best for the itchiness. ‘Same. Before,’ Donnie signed in Raph's direction, noting he hadn't said how he was earlier.

The seventeen year old approached Donnie instead of Raph, making him bristle. ‘Go. Snuggle. Teacher,’ Donnie signed. He wanted to hiss but restrained himself.

“Uhm, I will but,” Casey easily squatted down. Flat feet. That resting position that all of them could hold for hours. Donnie noted Casey was definitely raised in a household with asian customs. (A bunker with asian customs?) He also did the little bow and (Japanese word) before each meal, just not louder than any of them so it went unnoticed. “Master Donatello, is there somewhere you want this?” the stubbly chinned teen asked, holding out his comm.

Donnie squinted and took it. The wrist band was sweaty and needed to be washed, the screen was scuffed. Seeing the gadget brought up a twisting in his stomach. Casey stood and Leo redoubled his efforts to make Casey join him in Raph's lap. It was all background noise.

The comms. Where was his comm again? Probably his room in that pile on the floor. After his nuclear meltdown yesterday someone stripped him of his wrapping, elbow and knee pads, mask (and therefore eyebrows), before depositing him in bed to cool off. He should find everyone's comm and charge them. Then run diagnostics. Then download what was important-

He wasn't sure he wanted a recording of Leo sacrificing himself. Or the painful minutes after where they had to tell April and Splinter where Leo was. When for a second Donnie was still in the Technodrome now sliced cleanly in half as his twin sent himself to his death. That wasn't yesterday. 

That. Was. Two days ago.

Thank Einstein that Leo was talking because that did so much to pull back Donnie’s racing thoughts. They still hadn't talked about the prison dimension or Leo's stupid choices. All because they were barely past the forty eight hour mark and Leo still hadn't slept once. He still ate three servings of every meal and drank water in sixteen ounce gulps.

Those bruises on his twin's face were too dark to be from two days ago . His black eyes were flattening faster than they should be able to. None of it made sense. Unless the prison dimension warped time and there was a thought that knocked Donnie back. Tilting the room and answering too many questions at once. Another Casey situation where everything was off until they got it through their skulls that Casey idolized Leo in another timeline as his teacher. Now the hunger, the thirst, the weird inconsistency with his wounds. Donnie propped himself up to look at Leo. Sound had grayed out again but judging by the movie playing above him and Mikey- the pinched annoyance as Raph tried to get Leo to stop talking. The sad expression on Casey's face could be anything, but right now it was twisted in worry.

“Leo, try to watch the movie.”

“But I've seen this one, I've seen it a million times, okay maybe not a million but at least a thousand. Hey remember when Mikey got obsessed with A Nightmare Before Christmas and we did a musical for dad and he was confused because he hadn't seen the movie-”

“Leo-”

“But but but we couldn't even show him the movie because we played it so much it skipped and jumped so Donnie downloaded it from the Internet and we were like stunned. Flabbergasted. But it was in Russian and the subtitles were in English and Mikey cried because the singing was wrong- I called that one The Nightmare Before Red Christmas but Casey we gotta watch it with you- do you think Mikey still has the songs memorized? I'd sing it again. Anywhere. In the Hidden City. On Big Mama's train- yes Casey that's her name- oh does she die in your future? Splinter used to date her- he told me way too many details.”

Raph sighed, and put his hand over Leo's mouth. “Leo, buddy, I know what you're doing and you gotta knock it off. Close your eyes, get some rest.”

Instead Leo began berating Raph behind his hand, muffled words that Donnie couldn't catch every syllable of. The gist was he wasn't tired, he slept last night, he didn't need to be babied.

Then it kept going. A bad joke. Raph removed his hand from Leo's mouth and wiped his wet palm on the futon that now Donnie will never touch again. Yep. That futon was now on the avoid at all cost list.

“I like when people upload those clips of Jupiter Jim sets without the effects,” Leo prattled on, knees bouncing where he sat on Raph's left thigh and leaned against his plastron. Raph bandaged left arm around his shell and holding Leo's left thigh through the blankets. Otherwise Leo was going to topple off his leg with the fidgeting. “Everytime the ship takes a hit the actors have to throw themselves against the console and chairs to make it look like they got impacted but look- those two just went in opposite directions!”

It wasn't funny. Mikey was sleeping through it, but everyone else desperately wanted Leo to shut up and sleep. The joke was getting drawn out far too long and Leo had been steadily yapping since quote unquote “waking up” this afternoon. Another warning from Raph that this wasn't funny had Leo quiet for ten seconds before he was telling Casey another rambling fact about the Jupiter Jim movie they were watching.

Agitation bubbled inside Donnie. He loved his brother, he was happy he wasn't dead, he was happy they were all alive but every inch of his skin burned and Leo was babbling. Letting out a frustrated sigh set Raph off. Especially when he was trying to get his brain to focus on the inconsistencies in Leo’s injuries. A headache was blossoming behind his eyes.

“Leo. This isn't funny. Read the room. We're all tired and trying to decompress,” Raph said, stern and soft. “Take a deep breath and close your mouth.”

‘This isn't funny,’ Donnie repeated a few times in his head.

The thing was, (and he'll never admit this to Leo), was that Leo actually was funny. He was funny because while he had atrocious puns and cheesy one liners- Leo never doubled down when things were serious. This was serious. The whole family was pretty injured and still in the fresh stages of recovery, something their residents medic would normally be sensitive to- very serious about-

And the thought was sand through his fingers. Leo was babbling after ten seconds of silence.

This time Donnie sat up completely to look at Leo. Fidgeting. Knees bouncing as he continued to pick out Jupiter Jim production facts to Casey who was far more invested in resting his hands on Leo's knees and frowning. Which was a little weird if Casey was Leo's student only.

“Leo, drop the act,” Raph warned. “Donnie and Mikey are trying to sleep.”

Guilty red striped eyes whipped towards Donnie. His twin winced and hunched down against Raph. Knees still bouncing.

Teeth chattering.

The other day Leo had peeled himself out of the medbay just to be in the living room and eat with them. Had Leo been alone at all since then, and was that from his own effort? Leo had been quiet last night on his phone as he watched clip after clip of the invasion online but Donnie was there in the bed with him.

In real time Donnie watched as something in Leo bubbled over. A few times where he opened his mouth then looked at Donnie and Mikey then shut it. Leo had a sense of humor. He knew when a joke wasn't funny anymore and when the moment wasn't right. He knew when to duck his head and tuck his tail between his legs. So when Leo spoke again with a desperate gasp, rattling at top speed another Jupiter Jim fact- now going into the allegations against Commander Davey's actor- Donnie saw a slow motion explosion.

“Leo, quit it-”

“Master Raphael I think-”

“Boys!”

Everyone jumped as Splinter came into the living room. Tattered work out robe and broken house sandals fixed with duct tape. 

“What is this I'm hearing about Baron Draxum coming by today?” Splinter said, eyeing them all suspiciously. “He was here yesterday! That's the weekly quota filled! Orange promised!”

Raph sighed. “He needs to look at our mystics wounds, pops.”

Leo nodded, face hollow before he plastered some ghost of a smile. “Mmmmm hey dad maybe while they're getting there mystic wounds treated you and I can make a list of all the reasons Draxum is terrible and would make a horrible father figure and partner for no reason in particular. Mmmmm’kay?”

There was Leo securing company for himself while Raph, Mikey, and Donnie were going to be busy.

Splinter hummed and hawed at this. “I was going to watch my show… but would we show him this list?”

“Yes,” Leo said, as if there was any other reason to make one.

“No no no he'd probably be happy that he bothers me so much!” Splinter said in a panic. “What a jerk!”

Leo whimpered as Splinter stormed off to the kitchen. Raph took it another way.

“Leo, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they-”

“Don't you dare say the rest of that sentence I cannot even fathom how you could-” Leo leaned to his left and mimed throwing up on the floor.

“Okay. Okay. You're ridiculous,” Raph grumbled, nudging Leo back into his spot against his plastron. The movement accidentally jerked Casey and Leo closer together. Leo scrambled at the opportunity to free his arms and clutch Casey to his chest as his blanket pooled around his waist. Casey yelped but allowed himself to be abducted like a too kind housecat by a visiting toddler.

“I won't let that monster become your grandpa in this timeline Casey,” Leo breathed, stroking Casey's head.

Casey opened and closed his mouth a few times. “He's not-”

Leo glared down at Casey. Even without looking to see Leo’s face Casey made his mouth a tiny tiny line and took a deep breath through his nose.

“I mean,” Casey exhaled. “I'm sure you guys can handle whatever life throws at you...”

Casey peeled himself away from Leo but opened his arms for a more even sided hug. Leo wasted no time hugging the stranger that dropped into their lives two days ago. As soon as Leo was looking back at the movie and talking again Casey's smile dropped and he kept his arm around Leo's carapace to cushion it from Raph's plastron. It was the kind of detail that threw Donnie off kilter and since Casey started nodding and humming with acknowledgement as Leo rambled- Raph let him keep talking. Holding them both in place between his legs.

Donnie turned Casey's comm over and over in his hand. Doing so hurt the skin on his palm but he was stalling. Too tired to get up, too worried about all the little things that didn't add up.

“Hey quick topic change,” Leo said, somehow interrupting himself mid Jupiter Jim actor allegation retelling.

“No one but you was talking,” Raph commented, completely fed up.

“Silence can be its own communication,” Leo said, nonsensical even for him. The living room was anything but silent between the movie and Leo's top speed blabbering. “Anyways, semantics and telling Raph he's wrong aside… uhm….How uhm, how long was I in that other… the-prison-dimension-place-again?”

The room shifted again. Mikey woke up but kept his head in his shell so Donnie didn't draw attention to it.

“It took Mikey ten minutes to make the portal,” Raph said, without a hint of annoyance. Just a soft reassurance.

Unfortunately Raph was wrong, and Donnie couldn’t sit there idly.

“Casey removed the key at 14:19:08,” Donnie reported from memory. “Mikey's portal was made at 14:34:59, Mikey closed it ninety seconds later at 14:36:29 as soon as you were clear.” Instant math: “Seventeen minutes and twenty one seconds spent in the prison dimension.”

Saying it out loud was weird. Seventeen and a half minutes in the prison dimension and Leo came out looking like an apple stuck falling down an escalator. 

Leo stayed silent for a few seconds. “Ah, s’not so bad then, is it?” he chortled.

Except it wasn't funny. The same way talking through an entire two hour movie wasn't funny. This wasn't funny and most importantly Leo wasn't trying to be funny.

Suddenly Donnie was up. The quick spring into being vertical made Casey jump and Raph tilt his head in question.

“Something wrong Donnie?” Raph asked.

He held up Casey's comm. ‘Charger,’ he signed, motions more clipped than he intended. Hands shaking as he stormed off.

Sometimes when Raph was overbearing and couldn't leave Donnie alone because he stormed off- Donnie would be forced to try and hold his door closed while Raph pushed in anyways. They had to talk about what happened now before feelings were hurt. If there was a fight and Donnie walked away he was doing something wrong because an apology in the moment was better than coming back a few hours later. Did he want his brothers to feel bad for an hour? No. So why did storm off?

Raph was bigger, stronger, these were the days before lab doors with electromagnetic locks and security systems. Ironically not needed anymore because eventually through trial and error and a lot of freaking out on Donnie's part they all realized he wasn't a manipulative little child running away until he got his way. He had bees in his chest that made his whole body vibrate. The feeling was knowing the alien in the movie was right behind the protagonist. A scream trapped in his lungs. Only it was over ridiculous things like Mikey taking something off his lunch plate, or getting his sock wet, or winning a game for once and feeling so happy it turned painful meaning he had to flee immediately.

The last reason showed his brothers it wasn't only bad things that made Donnie storm off; It was good things too. It was having to leave in the middle of a newly released movie that he had been waiting months for because suddenly it was too much. Then having to explain to people that couldn't understand when he also couldn't understand past knowing he was going to scream if he didn't dash out of the theater and hide in the bathroom to jump up and down.

When Donnie had these moments… these gathering clouds of a forecasted meltdown he could cut them off. Grab noise cancelling headphones, a fidget toy (preferably with satisfying gears to spin and twist and a smooth polished metal finish), and put himself somewhere dark. Those were the clouds that gathered before Leo made them traipse through a slime jungle in the subway. Donnie weathered the darkening sky, the flashes of lightning, the barometric pressure drops until he was home. With every inch of his body marred and thunder in his head. 

After leaving the living room and gathering the comms he noted the distance clouds of discomfort. A full body alert that he was treading into that static in his chest.

Leo's comm was dead.

Donnie made those comms to have impressively efficient batteries. They could last days on a single charge. There were battery saving protocols at half battery, quarter battery, ten percent, and the last five percent dedicated to the sole operation of displaying location. In theory giving Donnie the maximum amount of time to track a signal.

And Leo's comm was dead. Zero percent on the battery level.

The second alert came with a cramp so severe he almost didn't make it to the bathroom in his lab. Donnie had only heard from his brothers about eating something risky and blowing up the toilet bowl as a result. Leo could handle some scary levels of spiciness. Raph had a meat heavy diet. Donnie was certain Mikey would try anything once. Meanwhile on a good day Donnie might allow pickles on his sub sandwich. 

The point was his eating had been far too lame and boring to pour out of him in a hot burn. Consistency of bowel movements did not coincide with diet. Urine and fecal matter had one shared garage and one shared garage door. The only consistency was that urination also followed the passing of fecal matter, but fecal matter didn't always follow urination. Donnie grunted through what he suspected was just urine. There wasn't enough food in him to have a bowel movement, even though it had been over fifty four hours since the Technodrome shop vacuumed his insides out and moved itself in. Boy was he now remembering in a very painful way the part of that experience he was trying to avoid.

Oh he knew it went up there. He was there and those shorts didn't dissuade the alien tech from having a look around. On one hand he didn't have time to be scared about his tail being forced from between his legs before he experienced his kidneys being sucked on from his ureters. That pain was a flash in the pan compared to the needles in his spine. He was almost grateful there was a worse pain in his back that overwhelmed his pain processing abilities.

Then it wasn't painful, or uncomfortable, or scary- he wasn't a turtle anymore. He was a spaceship. He was the Technodrome-

Another cramp, another squirt of acid dribbled out. Donnie blotted with toilet paper fearing the bidet would be too much. He had direct feedback with the folded up pad of toilet paper. A comforting thought that this was his hand wiping at a burning orifice.

When he pulled the paper away it was dark red. There was urine too. That milky yellow their reptilian body created. Those bees in his chest swarmed. A logical part of him stands with his sweat pants still around his ankles and stares back at the porcelain soup. It was bloody, not full of blood, not ‘I’m bleeding to death from a several feet long wound threading my digestive track from mouth to rear end,’ just red mixing with urine and water.

He would keep an eye on it. There was a throb in his cloaca that matched his heartbeat. It was painful like yawning with chapped lips and having the skin split. Somewhere in the lab he had Vaseline, it might be dirtied with oil and grease- no it definitely was. Maybe he should take a picture of what just happened, but that would mean accepting what happened here was bad. If Leo needed to see this he needed to see it now.

So Donnie flushed, washed his hands for three minutes, then catastrophized about his death. He was dying. He needed to make peace with that, maybe make sure they could find his password book- even if he didn't there were protocols for Sheldon's new not sentient AI to follow. His brothers would be okay, all of their home security had back ups and brother-simple instructions. He could just stand in his lab and breathe and-

Draxum was here.

And Draxum could not wait for Donnie to collect the delicate little pieces around himself.

“A time portal? Impressive. You should be dead. Normally there isn't even a corpse.”

Raph bristled, drawing his mouth into a worried line. That chasm Leo named got bigger. Draxum's words were terrifying and Michael was clearly upset. Thankfully Raph pulled Mikey under his uninjured right arm and hissed at Draxum, “Dude. Be gentle.”

The goat rolled his eyes and talked over Mikey who was starting to defend him. All of this should have sparked a speaking role in Donnie. Only it didn't. Leo's comm was dead. His insides were falling out. His back burned. He didn't want to be in the Dojo on a mat talking to Baron Draxum of all souls. Hard to believe a thing like Donnie could ever be considered a soldier. There had to be some relief when he saw how broken Donnie was that Splinter took him away. The mystic potential he had as a fighter was outshadowed by the fact that he might curl into a ball and scream if things didn't go exactly his way.

“Spells that mess with time and resurrection have built in protections,” Draxum drawled. “Death is the deterrent keeping alchemists and mystic wielders in check. The three of you cheated this system and will pay the price for the rest of your lives.”

Cool. Awesome. His insides were bleeding and he was pretty sure he was going to die soon. Why did anything matter? The silence in the Dojo became an opening. “This can only mean good things for my whole bad boy persona.”

Leo would have laughed, if he was there. Instead Raph glared then faced Draxum while squeezing Mikey closer.

The air was thinning. It was a joke. Was his tone incorrect? No more talking today then. Bad Donnie.

“What's the price and who do we write the check to because I don't regret anything,” Raph stated.

Mikey nodded. Donnie ran through anything he remembered about gas exchange in the lungs. Could he take a deep breath or were his lungs filling with blood the same way his guts were? The meltdown a few days ago had utilized all of his lung capacity but maybe the bleeding didn't start until today. Would the mottled brown and purple Kraang hickeys on his skin break open and bleed too?

“These never go away,” Draxum said, gesturing to their crackled arms. For Donnie and Raph the cracks stop just before the deltoids. For Mikey the fissures spiderwebbed into his back stopping at his shell. “They close, they can be drained of their mystic discharge- but they are marks of shame. Alchemists will not do business with you, they will not associate with you. Even with these scars covered their aura can be detected.”

“Like, there's a code?” Mikey asked shakily.

“A superstition that those who cheat death are forever chased by it,” Draxum stated.

“Does that mean-”

“Do I, Baron Draxum, look as foolish as to believe in superstitions?” Draxum asked, cutting off Mikey's question. “We will move forward with your training.”

“So what's mystic discharge- and can we work on a different name?” Raph asked.

Draxum nodded and moved to bring the small chest he had arrived with in front of them. The chest was tooth white, longer than it was wide. Something sloshed inside as it swung to the middle of their semi-circle.

“It is decayed mystic energy, it is unstable at best and volatile at worst. A biological toxin that collects in mortal flesh, which is why this magic is best left to mystic demigods,” Draxum said, opening the chest to reveal something that looked remarkably similar to what was in Donnie’s lab toilet. Red water (it was not water) and long yellow-white lace strands floating around. “I have brought these Chrysophyceae Hirudinea cuttings. This species of plant feeds off mystic discharge. I will wrap your wounds in this and for the next several days these cuttings will sustain themselves on your discharge-”

“Please stop using that word,” Raph all but begged.

“After the mystic discharge is consumed the cuttings will begin to starve,” Draxum continued with an air of annoyance. “Do not remove them until they begin to peel away themselves. Yes, they are compostable. No, I do not want them back. I already have plenty of food scraps from the school's cafeteria.”

Then Draxum dipped his finger into the red water, hooking a cutting with one nail. As it was pulled from the water (Donnie was going to convince himself it was water) the cutting wiggled and spread open. Going from the diameter of a pencil to a flat foot wide sheet. One side had millions and millions of pulsing nubs. Wriggling the way a starfish scales a glass aquarium. Immediately Donnie's mouth filled with saliva and his stomach turned. He jerked back from the chest going from sitting on his legs in seiza to landing on his very sore rear end. To escape the sudden clap of pain flooding his pelvis he twisted to his side and covered his mouth. 

‘Don't vomit,’ was the only mantra in his mind.

“Ah okay,” Raph said with a nervous laugh. “So- we're gonna have a problem with that texture .”

Vomiting was looking less and less avoidable. Everything already hurt so bad. The baseline pain was distracting then going to the bathroom amplified it. He was smart enough to know puking would hurt his throat, his nose, his mouth. He begged himself to stop, pounding his left fist on the floor. He couldn't do this; he needed everyone to stop talking. He needed space he needed to stop thinking about pulling long clumps of hair from sewer drains because he had to-

“Here, D,” Raph said softly. “I'll go first so you know what to brace yourself for.”

Okay. Lead by example. It was true Donnie had an easier time doing something he didn't want to if he saw his brothers doing it first. This mostly only applied to food- (And it usually had to be Leo-) but he could power through.

He slowly sat in seiza where he was. Giving him an extra few feet from the group. Raph held out his left arm obediently and Draxum held the Chrysophyceae Hirudinea cutting up letting it spread open before draping it over Raph's forearm. The cutting immediately wrapped itself around Raph's arm covering as much of his skin as it could.

Bile raced up his throat, cutting up the inside of his neck and bringing water to his eyes. Donnie whimpered and swallowed it back knowing it would be worse if he puked completely. Puke always also came out his nose.

“These are waterproof, for bath and shower water,” Draxum said, raising another cutting from the red water. “Do not go into disgusting human pools with chlorine-”

Some part of his brain took control and got him out of there. A promise of days ago to never go back into a tentacle nest ever again. The world wasn't at stake here, just his arm. The choice was easily made and done with. Donnie would be having none of that cutting on his skin. Especially when he couldn't remove it. He chose his subway car to hide in, shoving himself into the back with his novels. A private little library he carved for himself as soon as he had his own car to customize. There he would curl with his hands clamped over his ears while breathing through the raw straw that was now his throat.

The door opened and off kilter footsteps dragged themselves in. The outside air put Donnie on edge, he had his windows close to keep his subway car still and peaceful. He hissed with his whole body. Sucking in a painful amount of air to let out a long sizzle from his library nook.

“Dude I'm just gonna kick my feet up,” Leo scoffed.

Donnie sucked in gallons of air and hissed again with his entire twitching anxious body. ‘GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY!’

There were so many other places Leo could hang out. Other beds to lay on. Donnie wasn’t stupid so he hissed again, even as he heard Leo drop onto his bed with a pained grunt.

“My student stole my room,” Leo complained, speaking like Donnie’s hisses were casual conversation. “Being a teacher is rough. My knee hurts so bad, nothing is wrong with it. I took the splint off because it's not broken- it just hurts when I bend it or put weight on it or think about it… or don't have it in a splint… maybe the splint should go back on. That seems like a lot of work though.”

Donnie was resigned to just keep hissing until Leo left. So he did. He did it breathlessly, sucking down air purely to hiss it out. Teeth bared and lips pulled up. His twin couldn’t pull him off the ledge this time, Donnie had to do it himself or topple over. Except Leo was in his room talking about himself, his injuries, in a way he hadn’t yet. Admitting something hurt in a vulnerable and open way. Despite himself Donnie stopped hissing and closed his mouth.

“Now when I think about it… it also hurts when I don't think about it,” Leo said, rubbing at his right knee. “Eugh. Do you think that’s a bad sign?”

Clearly Leo was trying to redirect Donnie. As much as Donnie wanted to hold on to his anger and little corner he was now tempted to answer Leo. He loosened the grip he had on his own skull. Everything was still a little too loud but it wasn’t making him feel worse.

“Hey, can you look at my knees and tell me which one looks swollen?” Leo asked. From his position he couldn’t have known Donnie moved his hands from his ears. He was laying on Donnie’s bed which was up against the side of the subway car and just outside the library nook. Donnie put his bed like that so he could see anyone poking their head in his room at night. “I mean, I’m sure I’m imagining it.”

Nardo downplaying an injury? Now he had to go put his dumb-dumb twin in his dumb-dumb place. With shaky limbs Donnie rose to his feet and walked rather mechanically to the side of his bed, snatching his glasses from his desk as he did so. Leo propped himself up with his left arm when Donnie stood up and didn’t look at him when he came over, instead he just looked at his legs.

Leo’s thighs were black on the outside. His shoulders too. The back of his hands were raw and his forearms were purple. His carapace was cracked down his left side but he wasn't acting like it. Why were the cuts and scrapes he received when they initially closed the portal nearly healed? Why did these injuries align themselves with someone who curled themselves into a ball and got beaten anyways? His shins, forearms, all but his inner thigh and inner calves blossoming with bruises. Broken open toe and fingernail beds. His small right arm mostly undamaged only because his prosthetic would have protected it. The metal arm itself was in Donnie's lab mangled and dented.

Oh and his right knee was a flesh balloon. “That's really swollen,” Donnie said, pointing to the leg that had no defined knee anymore. “What happened?”

“Oh I uh- I dislocated it.” He sounded disoriented.

Leo was determined to help Donnie but too sleep deprived to follow through. His brother wasn’t used to being caught neglecting his own health.

“When?” Donnie asked, or more so rasped. His throat was killing him and he hoped screaming during his meltdown two days ago would cover his tracks long enough.

“First when Casey and I got separated from you and Mikey,” Leo said, sitting and carefully pulling his legs to hang over the side of the bed. A clear invitation for Donnie to sit with him.

There was an issue with that, his cloaca really didn’t like the pressure down there and he wasn’t confident he could join Leo on the bed without making a noise or reigniting the tightness in his chest. He gambled with Leo’s lack of sleep and sat in seiza on the floor closer to the end of his bed.

“Remember my marvelous no retreating plan?” Leo asked, bouncing his knees. Donnie was so glad he chose the floor because sitting on a bouncing mattress would be agony. “Ha! Anyways! Casey popped it back in and it was fine,” Leo said, not finding it weird at all that Donnie picked the floor over the bed. Leo hung his head and set his left elbow on his shaking knee. Splint finger wiggling a little in pattern with the bouncing. He brought his left hand up to his small right hand and ran his fingers over his bandaged knuckles. His whole body jittered, he shook out his right arm. All the movement should be extremely painful but Leo barely reacted. “Uh, the second time I was in the prison dimension. But, since I saw how Casey did it I figured- pfshhhh, I can do that . I probably taught Casey how to do that. Which means future me taught past me something through Casey. I gotta get him into med school dude he could be an EMT. Seventeen isn't too old for med school? Crud at seventeen his life is practically over. Toss in the towel. I’ll probably never make it to seventeen.”

Donnie slowly inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. Later he would look up what Casey did for Leo online, then he would look into how one could ever perform it on themselves. Then he would settle on whether or not it was okay for Leo to put his knee back in place.

“No, he's a teenager. He should go to college. I think if I had a kid under my wing, in the apocalypse, and I sent him back in time to save the world and meet my stupid dumb sixteen year old self, I'd want him to go to college. Get that GED!” Leo cheered, pumping his fist. “But let him have a gap year. No academic burn out for my student-son, I kinda feel like there's more to that story. Like not to toot my own horn but maybe I was his Sensei in a father-figure way...”

“He seems smart,” Donnie said quietly. “Which would rule out him being raised by a Leo.”

“You wound me D,” Leo said, left hand splayed over his heart. “Hey, completely unrelated to everything and definitely not the reason I so expertly walked in here-,” (he had limped,) “-but remember when you pulled your shoulder and I convinced Raph to rob a pharmacy so I could snag prescription strength lidocaine patches? The ones that actually work?”

Before Albearto became evil (not Donnie’s fault!) he had done normal maintenance of the animatronic. It was a clunky thing made with steel and one day the straps holding the chest up snapped and Donnie scrambled to catch it. He strained the hell out of his left shoulder and heating pads weren’t cutting it. Over the counter lidocaine patches helped, but those prescription ones let him sleep through the night. A tidbit that his family really focused on for some reason. A month of shoulder exercises with an overbearing Raph and he avoided permanent injury. Silently Donnie realized getting good sleep was vital in that.

This was not a casual walk down memory lane and they both knew it. Donnie grimaced knowing full well what Leo was trying to do even though he looked close to falling over from sleep deprivation.

And pain. Leo had to be in agony but for some reason he was acting fine? It set off all sorts of alarm bells in Donnie's head.

“Your pained silence is agreement and because I know you remember everything,” Leo stated with a flutter of his left wrist making it crick and crack. “Anywizzle- Draxum left me with this homeopathic lidocaine patch from some, uh, Hidden City CVS , wow, nice name me, that really needs to go on your arm or else every time you use your mystic powers it's going to leak out of those fissures and get mystic discharge on everyone we fight and eughhhhh booooyyyy Raph is right we definitely need to change that word-”

“It's like the Technodrome,” Donnie blurted out, looking down at the top of his thighs. “I- it's wet and cold and-”

It grabs on. It doesn't let go. It doesn't stop.

“No. It's like a lidocaine patch,” Leo said, joining (crumbling?) to the floor in front of Donnie. That couldn’t have made any of those bruises happy or his swollen knee feel good. Leo giggled behind a clenched jaw. “And Raph and Mikey promised me that it feels amazing and numbs everything and brother I know your right arm is positively burning up.”

Donnie almost laughed. His right arm was actually the least of his concerns. His insides hurt the most. His cloaca hurt beyond what he could handle.

“Anyhow, I brought it with me. How about I just stick it on like the cold sticky lidocaine patch it basically is, then I'll take this leg of April's old tights and cover it and if April asks just lie because when I say old tights I mean the ones she let Mikey borrow last week. The ones she wanted back, probably.”

He pulled all these items from underneath Donnie’s pillow. The same trick he had for when Mikey needed a shot, loaded syringes hidden just out of sight before a surprise attack and an equally surprising apology.

Donnie could do this, and Leo had gone to all this effort to make up something he could pretend was happening. His sleep deprived and in pain twin more than deserved the win and Donnie could reason that treating his arm would take it off his mind. After a moment he carefully took his hoodie off and tossed it on the bed.

“Cool,” Leo said, walking over on his knees and pulling his medkit closer. Donnie knew that was where the lidocaine patch was hidden. “You just look over there because I don't want the lidocaine fumes to burn your eyes. And I'll do what I do best.”

It wasn’t easy. It was wet, slimy, and it moved but thank god Leo had no qualms about pretending to direct the Chrysophyceae Hirudinea cutting as if he was the one stretching it over Donnie’s arm. In a few places the cutting and Leo were not in sync but those moments were drowned out by all the ways Leo made it feel like the thing being attached to his arm wasn’t alive. Donnie still didn’t breathe until Leo was wrapping the plastered on cuttings with gauze.

“So basically Barry Drax-dumb said my life is the equivalent of four arms?” Leo asked, spindling Donnie’s right arm up and keeping the gauze in place with a small safety pin. “Kinda ironic given I pretty much only have one and a half.”

“I always knew you weren't worth very much,” Donnie muttered, head still turned to look over his shoulder at the door. “That's why I never tried to sell you.”

Leo laughed. “I'd be so annoying they'd return me for store credit you dick.” The leg from April’s tights was rolled up the length of his arm.

“All sales are final at time of purchase,” Donnie countered.

“You didn’t disclose how annoying I am therefore you falsely advertised your product and I smell a class action lawsuit coming your way,” Leo said, pinning the leg of the tights above Donnie’s bicep with another safety pin. “The poor sucker who bought me from your corrupt business deserves more than a refund. They need compensation for their pain.”

“Your existence will cause them pain and suffering?” Donnie asked, turning to examine his now daisy yellow arm.

Leo snapped his first aid kit shut with a flourish. “You just wait, I'm this generation's Lawn Darts.”

Chapter Text

The lidocaine patch helped. Only it gave Donnie a clear reminder of what it felt like to not be in pain somewhere making the rest of his body hurt even more. The clarity also gave a path for those thoughts about needing to tell Leo about his internal injuries. Even the passive pressure of his own mattress pressing up into his plastron hurt. They were on Donnie’s bed. A twin sized mattress not built for the twins to sleep on together. In their old home Leo had a full sized bed and he still stumbled into Donnie’s twin sized lofted bed once or twice a week. It was the only time Leo would sleep and stay perfectly still. Sprawled out on top of Donnie’s leathery carapace and taking care not to roll around like a species of crocodilian doing a death roll. 

Leaving Donnie’s room seemed too big for either of them. Leo was sitting up against the backboard of Donnie’s bed, facing the library. Clicking a ballpoint pen in his left hand from Donnie’s desk.

Neither of them were talking. 

Leo's right foot was on the floor. He was gripping and releasing his thigh right above his puffy right knee. The arm he was wearing was one Donnie made specifically for basketball. The finger spread was closer to that of Leo's left hand. The texture on the inside of the hand was better for gripping a ball. The hand was more vulnerable to impact damage. Making a limb that did everything a flesh and bone limb did was impossible. Donnie took the easy route and made Leo six to ten new arms every six months.

One of the things Leo did ramble on about before going silent and accompanying Leo on the bed was Casey's reaction to his birth defect. Casey had helped with patching up Leo when they first got home and removed Leo's prosthetic arm expecting a stump and finding a miniature limb. For as long as Casey had known Leo in the future he had a huge metal arm that was too big for his body but when he removed it there was a stump. Leo was disappointed that Casey had no idea how this other Leo lost his tiny right arm. Donnie was more curious about the arm replacing said stunted arm.

Amputees often just live with their amputations. Leo had lived with his stunted arm until age twelve. Then Donnie made himself a Battle Shell and Leo a Battle Arm, then there were more arms, more shells, it became part of who they were.

Donnie’s Battle Shells were controlled by small movements in his real shell. The prehensile flappy lip of his carapace could activate his jet pack, spider legs, lights, and so on. Wrinkling his carapace skin up and down and side to side did things. He could rebind what part of his shell did what with his Battle Shell using his wrist gauntlet.

Leo's arm worked in the same way. His stunted right hand simply used a small joystick with buttons to control the extension. All encased in the upper limb portion of the replacement arm.

Without the small hand making an arm that was controllable to the degree Leo needed was a fantasy. There would need to be a port. A brain link. If the arm Leo had in the future was far too large then it seemed like supplies were low. That explained no port. But then how did the arm work?

Leo didn't care about this, he cared about losing his tiny arm and he didn't ask Casey any important questions because of it. This left Donnie to spin in circles with all the questions he had.

Tired of the mattress causing him pain Donnie slowly sat up. Now his butt hurt even worse. The cramping was deep and his stomach felt foamy. He hugged his numbed right arm to his middle.

“Hey D,” Leo spoke quietly and grabbed Donnie’s hoodie from the end of the bed.

Instead of responding Donnie put his arms out and Leo put his hoodie on for him. The pain didn't change but Donnie felt more secure.

“I'm sorry I asked you to steer the ship back into the portal,” Leo said, fixing Donnie’s drawstrings so they were the same length. “Mikey told me what you had to do and I'm sure all of these marks are really irritating and I know they're indiscriminately everywhere on your body. Every. Where.”

Leo gave Donnie a firm look with the last words. Hands lightly holding his shoulders. There was even the oh so convenient pause of which Donnie could have added: ‘And they're inside of me, too.’

But he didn't. 

He couldn't. 

He hurt and he was terrified to admit that his insides were just as wrecked as his outsides. How was he supposed to explain what The Technodrome did when even he wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure he actually had to let it do all that to him. His memory of it was confusing and made his chest hurt. Maybe he was overreacting and it wasn't that bad. Sure it was painful, and it still was painful, but-

“That has to be super uncomfortable,” Leo added, dropping his hands from Donnie’s shoulders and holding his daisy yellow hand where their knees were touching. “You don't have short or briefs on right? Just sweatpants?”

Donnie nodded. Not that he could feel the marks under his tail. His entire butthole was on fire and had needle sharp pains dancing very high. Even around his kidneys hurt.

“Good. Let them breathe. They'll go away with time. Places where our skin is thinner and softer, around openings, can be damaged by suction easily. I know it's not your thing- but as someone on the receiving end of a lot of hickey's… they are painful when on the groin and tail areas,” Leo said.

Donnie nodded, eyes locked on Leo's hands around his numb one. “I'm sorry you were in the prison dimension so long.”

“What, seventeen minutes?” Leo asked, quickly pulling his hands back and gripping the edge of the bed. “It was nothing.”

That wasn't true. Donnie eyed the door to his subway car knowing Leo tended to bolt when things got uncomfortable. He knew it was a bad idea to bring up but his own pain wasn't getting better and his mind wasn't getting sharper. They were alone. There wasn't going to be a better time to bring this up.

“When I hooked up our comms to the charging bank before Draxum came down everyone's battery was at seventy to sixty percent. Raph's was the highest seeing as he got his back when we rescued him and I had it on the emergency charger in my battle shell- now destroyed,” Donnie said, voice low and quiet because the vibrations in his throat hurt.

Leo froze. “Oh.”

“Yours was dead,” Donnie said, waiting for a moment when Leo didn't say a thing. “There was no connection in that dimension. Did you keep talking into it after the portal closed?”

Maybe if Leo had kept the line open or fiddled with the screen the way he fiddled with the ballpoint pen then the battery would have rapidly drained. Maybe Donnie was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe a little part of him would rather they focus on Leo instead of him and The Technodrome.

“Don't tell Mikey.”

“Why not?” Donnie asked, he was shivering now.

Leo felt around for a throw blanket on the bed and tucked it around Donnie’s trembling legs. Donnie didn't tell him he wasn't cold.

“Because he permanently injured himself trying to save me and the guilt will crush him if he knows I was in there for… I- uh, two days, two days?” Leo said this while laughing.  “Casey already told me that Mikey can't make portals that only bend space, all of his portals are time ones-”

“H-how do you know it was two days?” Donnie asked, holding the edge of the throw blanket as hard as he could. The pain in his hand was better than whatever awful deep throbbing was coming from his kidneys.

“The clock still worked even when it wasn't connected to the Internet,” Leo said, twisting his hands around and around each other while edging further and further off the bed. “It kept counting up after the portal closed. I definitely drained the battery checking the time over and over but it didn't have the date anywhere so… I think it was two days? I assume when you turn it on it will snap to the correct time.”

Not if Donnie booted it in safe mode. “How long between the comm battery dying and Mikey getting you out?” 

Finally whatever was going on in his back released. It felt like someone was using both his kidneys like stress balls and every squeeze was squirting acid down into his bladder.

Now his bladder and cloaca simply hurt, which was so much better and easier to hide.

Leo made a frustrated noise. “I don't know. I, I got away at some point but then, uhm, I went to the bathroom a few times?” 

Leo was moving his hands wildly. Going from smacking his thighs to rubbing at his swollen face. Both his legs were bouncing and the mattress was moving because of it. Donnie slowly stood to save his bowels that were filled with glass shards from further agitation. 

“With no water the frequency of that went down. I went to the bathroom two times after the battery was dead, maybe assuming there was seven hours between tinkling in the void? I don't know. Peeing in zero gravity is not pleasant; you kinda have to run or swim away from it? Or do it on a floating island where the gravity works and pulls it away from you-”

“Do you want to know how long you were in there?” Donnie asked.

“Hopefully the Kraang flew into it…” Leo said, avoiding Donnie’s eyes.

“Leo,” Donnie warned, holding the edge of his desk.

Leo shrugged. “I don't know if I should focus on that,” he whispered.

“Would it help to have it confirmed?” Donnie asked. “You said earlier that seventeen minutes and twenty one seconds wasn't that bad. Perhaps knowing it was longer would help you take your recovery more seriously and allow those around you to give you the proper care?”

And Donnie definitely didn't feel like any of what he was saying could apply to himself. He was getting a lot of attention and care because of all the visible blisters.

“I dunno. You should be resting,” Leo said, shoulders up, face tilted away. He was a scrunched up thing on the edge of Donnie’s bed.

“We can find out right now,” Donnie suggested, extending his right hand for Leo to take now that it was the only body part that didn't hurt.

Leo shrugged.

“I will rest after we find out,” Donnie said, heaving a great tired sigh. “Deal?”

“Okay.... but only because I feel really bad about how hungry I am and I could really use the excuse to eat like-” he took Donnie’s hand but used the bed and his own strength to stand up, “-ten chili dogs right now.”

Donnie nodded. “Then let's go get you a ticket for ten chili dogs.”

He moved an inch to the door when Leo tugged his hand for him to stay. “Wait. Before we go, I just want to say thank you. I know it doesn't matter now but, I-”

Leo looked helplessly at the floor and Donnie narrowed his eyes confused.

“Thanks D, for everything you've done. And thanks for this, I guess,” Leo said, collecting himself and making really intense eye contact that made Donnie shy away. “I always forget how easy it is to talk to you. I should have talked to you about more things, I, uh, I don't know what I'm saying.”

“Uh,” Donnie stared at the closed door. His brain seemed to not be working. “You can talk to me whenever?” he pointed out, confused.

“Yeah yeah. I know. I know. Just. Your lab is where the comms are?”

Oh thank goodness. “Yes,” he tugged Leo to the door and thankfully he followed.

“Okay. You lead,” Leo said, following Donnie out of his room hand in hand.

Walking to Donnie’s lab was interesting. First of all they were spotted by Raph who seemed to take Donnie’s daisy yellow arm as a sign that things were going well. Second Leo seemed to need walls and subway cars and furniture to get to Donnie’s lab because his knee was bothering him way more than he was admitting to.

Almost like his knee was left untreated for days and not a few hours.

Third was Donnie’s new symptom of extreme vertigo. He stumbled over his own feet and couldn't get the floor to stop teetering around in every direction. Together they probably looked like two drunks walking home from the bar.

“Walking sucks,” Leo grumbled. “I hate walking. I won't miss it, you know? Why is your lab so far away?”

Okay well, sure his knee was injured but Donnie was going to make Leon the world's best knee brace as soon as he could. He wasn't going to miss out on walking. It bothered Donnie that Leo was talking in such extremes. First he wasn't going to talk to Donnie anymore and now he wasn't going to walk? They were walking (poorly) right now! And Leo was talking to him.

Maybe The Technodrome scrambled Donnie’s brain too. A tentacle lobotomy. Now that was a thought that made the edges of the room lose their details.

“You guys are explosion-phobic. I'm trying to get you all cancelled on Twitter,” Donnie countered, desperate to push down horrible intrusive thoughts about The Technodrome hurting his brain. A worse fate than any bodily injury.

Leo laughed in a mocking way. “Jokes on you I forgot my Twitter password and the password to my email and the password to my recovery email- and I made the answers to my security questions my password so-”

“Do you want me to hack into your Twitter account?” Donnie asked, because it wouldn't be the first, second, or third time he has done that for April.

“Please.”

“You can have it back after I used it to drop my new bitcoin,” Donnie said, deciding he too would use the subway cars for walking support just like Leo.

“Donnie no,” Leo wailed dramatically.

“Then I'm going to pull the rug, as they say.”

“Donnie my followers don't deserve that,” Leo said, when obviously anyone following someone as dumb as Leo deserved to be scammed. All he did was post memes and Gay Thoughts.

“Write down your passwords then. I have power tools to buy.”

Hopefully Leo's followers would be dumber than April's.

Sitting was painful and Leo chose to stand and hold the back of his chair. Practically breathing down Donnie's neck as he held down the power and screen brightness toggle down at the same time on Leo's comm. This would boot it Safe Mode. It wouldn't ping the Internet. Bluetooth wouldn't work. It was charged.

The date on Leo's comm had yet to occur. A chill spread over Donnie like a glass of poured ice water.

“The portal closed at nineteen minutes and eighteen seconds after two o'clock in the afternoon on Thursday,” Donnie said robotically. “Booting up your comm in safe mode so it doesn't connect to the UTC shows the date as Friday-”

Leo was looking at the comm and the date but seemed to miss the obvious. “So not even two days-”

“The following Friday,” Donnie cut in. “This coming Friday. A Friday we haven't had yet. Eight days. Friday at forty minutes and ten seconds after one o’clock is when your comm went dead. As for when you came out-”

Leo went stiff. “Ah.” He didn't offer a guesstimation of how long between the comm dying and his rescue.

Growing aware that he was digging his fingers into his own thighs Donnie made himself release and take a deep breath. Obviously they needed to tell everyone else about this now. It certainly explained the inconsistencies with Leo's wounds.

“That's a little longer than two days. But not ten,” Leo added lightly. “So I'll compromise and have eight chili dogs for lunch. And then I won't need another chili dog for the rest of the year.”

“Leo-”

“I go through phases with food okay?” Leo dismissed, limping to Donnie’s desk and sitting on it. He bounced his knees. Both injured and uninjured.

Donnie was at a loss. Almost doubting himself because if Leo hadn't eaten anything for eight days he should know better than to repeatedly binge. “Should you be eating such large volumes of food after fasting for eight days? Isn't there something called refeeding syndrome?”

“Yeah for people locked up and starved for months, like look at me. I'm not skin and bones,” Leo passed off.

That was hard to argue with because while Leo was lean he still had muscle and he wasn’t skin and bones. Also Donnie would be a bit of a hypocrite because if anything Leo seemed to be closer to Donnie’s level of lean, and Donnie didn’t consider himself starved or sickly.

“Are you keeping any of it down?” Donnie asked.

“I mean. If what I puke is partially digested then I am getting something out of every meal,” Leo said, looking at the door to Donnie’s lab.

Again Donnie felt crazy. Leo was the team medic and usually Donnie never had to correct Leo's care plans. He also looked at his lab door like there was something he wasn't getting. “You're throwing up with a cracked shell?”

Finally Leo broke. Shoulders drooping, he tilted back on Donnie's desk and ran a metal hand down his black and purple face. “What am I supposed to say Donnie?” he asked, voice void of charisma and jokes. “I didn't know it was eight days I kinda just… it didn't feel like eight days- I don't remember it really- I know I was passed out sometimes. Then other times I'm here. You know?”

Donnie frowned. “I'm saying-”

“I don't want to do this right now,” Leo said suddenly, waving his hands in irritation before dismounting Donnie’s desk. The mousepad slid to the floor. “Uh. Thanks for the information, I'm going to go bug Raph about lunch- seems I have every right to be super hungry and I'm going to take it.” He added some finger guns and quickly limped out of Donnie’s lab.

Alright. Donnie decided he needed an adult. A Real Adult. Which of course meant going to Raph. That was absolutely Donnie’s intention right before he leaned over to grab his mousepad from the floor.

Then a deep cramp and a half hour on the toilet shook the etch-it-sketch plan he had right out of his head.

Leo ate five chili dogs because Raph refused to place an order for ten. He also had the good sense to start giving Leo food one half portion at a time. Chastising Leo to eat slowly and chew his food because Mikey overheard him vomiting after breakfast. (This was a major Ex Machina for Donnie as now he didn't need to betray Leo’s trust.) Leo threw out more weird comments about being sad he'll never eat chili dogs again for real while constantly asking Raph when he could have his next portion. Lashing out when Splinter came to the kitchen to get his own lunch before retreating to his bedroom because he feared Splinter would take his food. It was nonsensical and pestered Donnie as much as his throbbing upset guts did. He ate three chilli cheese fries scraped of cheese and meat and was rewarded with a searing stomach ache. The worst one yet. It felt as though the fries were melting through the lining of his stomach. Someone ordered him a vanilla smoothie and Donnie sipped on that in an attempt to soothe his raw throat and guts.

He simply couldn't pay attention to whatever was happening to Leo.

Leo who scrubbed at his bruises and rambled mindlessly to everyone in the living room. No thought was unvoiced but the thoughts started getting weirder and weirder. Casey took the brunt of it.

He never got to see the fourth season of Stranger Things. He then explained the entire plot of Stranger Things to Casey the way a Youtube video essayist would if they didn't know how to frame a coherent narrative. So. Most of them. Casey had to be told two thirds of the way through that Stranger Things wasn't based on true events. It also wasn't cancelled. Season four was coming in 2022 and Donnie couldn't wait to read all the episode discussions online before watching the new season. Because he hated surprises. Leo was convinced there was nothing more of the show for him to see because of the situation. Again Donnie felt confused and stumped but Leo easily moved to the next ongoing media series he was going to miss out on. Apparently there was some Minecraft SMP Leo followed instead of correcting his sleep schedule. He referred to the participants by their in-game name, (or IGN for the terminally online,) and again Casey had to be assured that the name Ethoslab wasn't on a birth certificate somewhere.

Learning that Leo watched people play Minecraft on YouTube while also bullying Donnie for playing Minecraft was interesting and rubbed elbows with a death bed level confession. Donnie liked the game and had several two-week Minecraft phases a year. Each of which attracted Leo to tease- ah. Nardo was actually watching him play Minecraft. A few more things made sense now. Donnie was putting puzzle pieces together, but still others remained nonsensical and all over the floor.

As much as Donnie wanted to stick around the living room while all this gossip about Leo was being spilled by Leo himself, the partial shake and fries were transient visitors. Donnie went stumbling off to the bathroom before they too scattered themselves on the living room floor.

He couldn't make it to his lab or the more private restroom attached to the medbay. He was forced to use the shower room where there were three toilet stalls. Two regulars. One large and Raph sized with a bariatric toilet to support their eldest brother's relationship with gravity. Donnie all but dove into the first stall. Ass erupting in a symphony of very hot and stinging farts followed by more dreadful squirts of pure acid. The evacuation of his irritated innards didn't leave him feeling any better.

Wiping hurt and Donnie had to look at what was in the bowl. Blood. Of course. Black and rotten. Fresh and red. There was way less of it which had to be a good thing and the pain wasn't worse than it had been. He was at six or seven on the pain scale, he guessed. Internal organ pain was different from a broken bone or burn. Yes it hurt but he wasn't- it wasn't agony? This would get better with time.

Aside from the usual blood there was a pungent and rotten odor. Fecal matter that smelled more like vomit and turned spoiled food. After cleaning up the bowl, seat, and himself Donnie gassed the bathroom with Febreeze. Not easy with one hand out of commission and under April's yellow tights but he was mortified by the scents coming out of him.

Outside the bathroom Mikey was leaned up against the wall. Donnie felt his stomach drop to his feet. Immediately jumping to the conclusion that Mikey had entered the bathroom and was waiting for it to clear of rancid odor before going in. It left them in a stalemate staring at each other.

“Were you waiting for me?” Donnie asked, squinting. “Outside the bathroom?”

Mikey shrugged. “You look like you could use a friend.”

Donnie tsked, shoulders jumping up. “I don't need help wiping my butt,” he said, regretting the words as they spilled past his chapped lips. “Sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was insensitive.”

“Nah,” Mikey said, taking it on the chin and batting a Chrysophyceae Hirudinea wrapped hand at Donnie. “I'm glad you don't because it sucks. Like, it's Raph, but it's still pretty awkward.”

A scenario Donnie didn't want to imagine. Leo had the unpleasant duty of “checking the oil” a few times over the years after trauma to the abdominal cavity. It was the insertion of a finger into the cloaca to check for internal bleeding. Donnie shuddered with the sense memory of being in pain and having that happen too. At least it was over quick and never talked about.

“Awkward he says?” Donnie clasped both of Mikey’s shoulders. The box turtle chirped in surprise. “Michael. I would literally kill myself. You're stronger than me.”

“Thank you?” Mikey said, taking Donnie's hands off his shoulders but keeping a firm hold on his left hand. “Hey, you haven't been eating well D.”

Well that was untrue. “I had fries and a shake,” Donnie said, looking over Mikey’s head anywhere else.

Mikey gave a small frown. “We're going to the kitchen and getting you a meal replacement shake. I put several in the fridge yesterday.”

Silently Donnie allowed himself to be tugged to the kitchen. Stomach sore and the opposite of hungry but he'd be blind to say the severe reduction in calories recently was impacting him negatively. Thoughts were cloudy. He felt weak. Standing up did make the room wobbly.

“Is there a chocolate one?” Donnie asked, easing himself onto the kitchen chair and wishing they had cushions.

“Of course.”

The day seeped into night. They marathoned movies and TV shows and let the hours bleed and bleed. Mikey pulled out a huge batch of soup from the deep freezer and heated it on the stove. They took showers in shifts based on ability. They changed each other's dressing. They talked to April on the phone. Sent photos of wounds to Draxum. They fell asleep in the living room on futons after all agreeing they shouldn't. A standing fan oscillated from side to side next to the pull down screen. Somewhere in the night hours the loudest nonstop voice went dim.

Leo twitched in Raph's arms. 

The sudden jerking pulse in his limbs startled all of them. No one spoke, no one dared speak and rob Leo of any sleep he could dig up. Raph had turned into a statue. Rock solid and unmoving as the blanket wrap red eared slider twitched in his sleep. A nightmare would come with whimpering and a pinched facial expression. A tight frown with eyes slammed shut. They silently agreed it was not a nightmare, just twitching. Leo's face was blank and relaxed. This was not uncommon for Leo as he tended to sleep like he was break dancing in slow motion. Rotating in his bed like a hot dog or becoming and unbecoming a pillbug until he was on the floor. In the past Leo would fall asleep in Raph's arms and sleepily flop out of his arms and all around the room half wrapped in blankets. He posed himself ridiculously, Donnie found him once holding both his own ankles and crossing them over his chest like a priest to a demon. Hip joints be damned; Satan be gone.

Their sleep deprived brother twitched a few more times. Then both his legs went straight for a long second and he suddenly became boneless. A shapeless form inside a king sized comforter, lips parted slightly before his snout crinkled disapprovingly. He sleepily smacked his lips and ran his tongue over his teeth. Donnie was just about to turn around when Leo slammed his face rather hard into Raph's plastron. A hollow CUNK from Leo's skull. 

It looked painful given how swollen Leo's face was but he still didn't wake up. Even when Raph released a sympathetic hiss. Right hand hovering to check Leo hadn't hurt himself when the air was sucked out of the room.

Leo dragged his head back along Raph's plastron. Then he rubbed the edge of his jaw against Raph's chest shields. Over and over as much as he could just moving his head and not his body. The motion was like a windshield wiper applying layer after layer of invisible Leo Scent. Red eared sliders rubbed their heads on things they loved. It was a love note penned out in pheromones. ‘This is mine. I love this. Everyone who smells this shall know that I love this oh so very much. Here, World, don't you understand I made this smell like me because I like it so much?’ Leo had scent glands in his neck and under his jaw, carried over from his base species the way Raph's Stink was or Donnie propensity to bite or the fact that Mikey sometimes chirped like a broken alarm clock if he was too happy. Behaviors Donnie, Mikey, and Leo grew out of because they had control over them. Raph wasn't as fortunate with his specific odors.

Maybe it bonded Leo and Donnie when they were kids because they're quirks affected others. Biting wasn't nice and being scented wasn't polite. They grew out of it. Donnie bites himself mostly. Leo never scented them anyone on purpose.

When Casey was tied up in their lair, with a photo of them, and a crazy story; everyone but April, Leo, and Splinter could smell it.

The kid reeked of Leo. He was covered in gaudiest Leo wrapping paper, stuffed in the loudest Leo colored gift bag, cushioned by Leo made crinkle paper and punted through time by the turtle himself. Showers didn't exist in the future, and Casey smelled sour in a general sense. Body odor, sweat, blood, a smell they later learned was Kraang guts. His hair was greasy and he didn't realize that dry shampoo wasn't the default before the end of the world. All that was enough to cast doubt, that maybe this kid smelled like Leo because of a coincidence. The scent wasn't crisp like present Leo. It was Leo flavored with pain and age… and fear.

Still. Casey was coated in layer and layers of Leo's marking like Mikey's seasoned cast iron pans. His pores were corrupted. His clothes were dripping with it. It was borderline noxious and scary because between Splinter's warning about the Kraang, the photo, and the key they lost that day they could smell the future on Casey. A piece of information so random and thoroughly specific to their family that it couldn't be faked. 

Did the future version of Leo know that he was throwing a literal stink bomb into the past? He grew out of scenting them, he stopped even when they said it was okay. Embarrassment and shame sealed that gift away from their family. No more red eared slider love notes.

Except when Leo slept. On a rare occasion, boiling down to a handful of times a year, Leo would do what he was doing to Raph right now: paint his invisible love letter with ferocious intent. Face pinched in concentration on the task of squeezing everything he had onto Raph. There went Raph's plans to shower for the next week as Leo pinned on the biggest blue ribbon any of them could ask for. Silent bragging rights to something Leo would never know he did.

And if that Leo kept that up in the future that meant Casey was around him when he was asleep. Vulnerable levels of asleep, the way he was in Raph's arms. The only time Leo would ever scent someone was when he wasn't awake to pull back that love language into something acceptable. Yet Casey was coated in it which meant he was a human raised as a turtle. Brought up in the pile. Schooled in the art of sleeping all together in a tangled mess if the future version of Leo was sleepily scenting the kid that much. 

To find out Casey was Leo's student, protege, mini-me; It clicked. Future Leo had told them everything they needed to know the second they smelled him. ‘This is my kid and I love him. Trust him because I love him.’ A note that started out blurry and confusing because of course if Leo raised a baby he'd have a possessive monopoly on making sure everyone in the dying world knew that was his kid. Yet Casey was a student, presumably with parents that didn't want their son's teacher scent marking him.

There was no Casey Jones from that point forward. Just a conglomerate of blue ribbons won from a game he didn't know he was playing. The same way Gram-Gram got her slider love notes tenfold. The same way April sometimes appeared after being out with Leo to yell at them for looking at her weird. Invisible blue ribbons. First place for everyone who gets marked by the blue masked turtle.

Leo gave it his all then slumped sleepily in Raph's arms again. Mid-slumber gift all done with a neat bow. Subconsciously expressing joy and gratitude for the bed made of big brother arms to snooze in. He twitched again then went very still. Finally falling into that deep healing sleep he really needed after all these days.

Over a week. Possibly two. Donnie’s stomach flipped about keeping that a secret. Or maybe all the internal wounds left from The Technodrome made his stomach flip. Leo ate soup and fell asleep in Raph's arms. Maybe bringing all this up now was making a big deal out of a situation Leo had handled.

“Lucky,” Mikey mouthed to a quiver-lipped red brother.

Every bathroom had a medicine cabinet. Having bandaids, Neosporin, tums, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, anti-diarrhea, heartburn reliever, and over the counter cough syrups and drops were no brainers. However not all medicine cabinets were equally stocked. Donnie was in charge of keeping the bathroom attached to his lab stocked with toilet paper, soap, clean towels, and anything he wanted in the medicine cabinet. So it was his own fault that he didn't have any Pepto Bismol in his lab bathroom.

Leo was still asleep in the living room. Going on three hours of deep sleep after a dinner of soup and approaching midnight. Donnie staggered down to his lab bathroom for privacy because his near miss with Mikey was a stain in his head. Yes everyone's shit stank but Donnie’s was vile and had an undertone of boiling tires. Every time he went to the bathroom there was less blood, but there was something wrong with what was coming out of him. It smelled even more rotten. Worse than sewage. Worse than the accidental science projects that Mikey’s leftovers morph into. If he destroyed the air quality of his bathroom it was fine. No one used his lab bathroom; it was a dreary little water closet with exposed pipes and brimming with cellar spiders. As long as they stayed in the ceiling Donnie was fine with them.

After glaring at his understocked medicine cabinet for a digestive aid Donnie relented and headed off to the main bathroom. Every strike of his foot on the ground sent vibrations through his skeleton. His intestines quivered like the lights on a shaking Christmas tree. To make it worse there was the sound of teeth brushing in the bathroom. Donnie braced himself for another interaction with Mikey that would lead to another meal replacement shake.

He understood that he needed food but he also needed time for his stomach to repair right? It was why the pain was easier, because he was eating so much.

Thankfully it was Casey. 

For Donnie’s tender stomach this was great news. For Donnie’s social battery this was potentially the worst thing ever. Casey Jones was nice. He had helped with the bandage changing just earlier that day. It was just that Donnie was moderately sure the last time he spoke to Casey was in the medbay days ago. How did one strike up a conversation with a stranger? Apply the social lubricant? In times like these he tried to emulate Nardo. Perhaps sashaying his hips over to the medicine cabinet while speaking about a mutual topic of interest between him and Casey. Was that Stranger Things now? Then making a clean but friendly exit with his digestive aid firmly in hand.

Donnie stumbled over to the medicine cabinet. His fingers struggled with the latch and Casey helped him. Donnie grabbed the digestive aid, dropped it, the room spun on its tail and Casey helpfully picked up the frothy bottle of pepto bismol and dosing cup.

“What is this stuff?”

“Why do you let him talk so much?”

Both their questions collided, but Casey answered before Donnie could explain what the bright pink liquid was. “Who?”

“Leo,” Donnie clarified, struggling with the child seal on the bottle. “You let him talk about nonsense that you don't even understand because all the pop culture references he is making were erased before you were born. I imagine listening to him is very boring.” Talking while pretending to struggle with the bottle was a lot easier.

Casey rinsed his toothbrush under the cold tap then tapped off the extra water on the side of the sink. “It's not about what he's saying.”

“Some form of self soothing? Hearing his own voice?” Donnie asked.

“I don't know.”

A wall was up. No no no Casey was saturated in Leo chin oils. He knew Leo. A version of him and for some reason he was tight-lipped about the nature of their connection.

“You're familiar with it,” Donnie pressed.

“Yes,” Casey dried his hands on one of the many damp towels hanging to dry along the walls.

Donnie didn’t like conversations to begin with. This one was growing awkward. Casey was possibly as uncomfortable as he was. “From your version of Leo.”

“Yes.”

“So he does this in the future?” Donnie asked, now getting mad at the bottle for not opening.

“Yes.”

“Why did he do it in the future?”

It was Casey’s silence that forced Donnie to look up. He was so quiet he could have walked out of the bathroom. What he found was Casey staring at him with a stony face. Oddly enough it felt a bit like Leo staring him down after skipping a few meals.

“Sensei did the same ramble-talk thing after... his partner died.”

Donnie nearly dropped the bottle again. The fabric of April’s tights was mostly to blame as Donnie felt himself tripping over someone else’s words. Nardo was openly gay, the use of the word partner was a bit over the top but gave Donnie just enough hesitation to recognize Casey was speaking carefully because there was something he didn’t want Donnie to know. Amazingly considerate of Casey to conceal the identity of Leo’s future partner. Unfortunately the knowledge that Leo had a partner in the future meant Donnie would need to find that person’s identity and begin stalking them.

For Leo’s safety of course. Given his hookups he couldn’t imagine Leo getting a great partner in the future.

“Your Leo does not want to be doing what he's doing,” Casey elaborated. “It's a trauma response, it's trying to outrun your bad thoughts. It’s talking to cover up whatever is going on in here. I am sure back then what I saw was him panicking about losing his partner. It was awful.”

“Leo hasn’t lost anything,” Donnie said, to himself really. They won. Leo spoke like he was missing out on something.

“He could have,” Casey said, sighing. “I have to be honest,” he said, standing up straight. “I don’t really want to talk about my version of Leo.”

“Why?” Donnie pushed. The guy was- well he supposed Casey never said what became of his Leo. They were in another timeline. Sensei, Master Leonardo, the version of Leo that secures a partner, it wasn’t that he didn’t exist now.

Casey gave a shrug, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “Because all I have of him is what I just gave you. I’m selfish. Sensei’s not the same and ironically thanks to him- this Leo will never turn into him. I don’t think it’s wrong of me to want to at least hold on to as much as possible without it being lost to comparison.”

“No. I think I understand,” Donnie said, seeing eye to eye with Casey before dropping his gaze to his unopened bottle of medicine.

Master Leonardo was only who he was because he wasn’t this timeline’s Leo. He was now reduced to a thought experiment. A toy. A doll. A world that wouldn’t be for them but still was... for them.

During these thoughts Casey took the bottle and uncapped it. He poured a perfect thirty milliliters after inspecting the directions and handed the cup of bright pink liquid to Donnie. “Upset stomach?” Casey asked.

Donnie nodded. “May I offer a part of your Leo in exchange for what you told me?” he suggested, smacking his lips distastefully after tossing back the shot. He shuddered. Nothing worse than slimy warm pepto bismol.

Without being asked Casey took the cup and rinsed it. “How can you know something about my Leo that I don’t already?” he asked.

“Your version of Leo loved you more than your puny human mind even realizes,” Donnie stated, greeting Casey’s disbelieving tone with his know-it-all one.

“Least your insults don’t change in the future,” Casey muttered.

“Red Eared Sliders scent mark things they like,” Donnie said, chin high. “A quirk of his species is his instinctual need to utilize smelly neck oils to tell the world how much something belongs to him and how much he loves that something.”

“Okay...”

“Leo is embarrassed by this quirk,” Donnie said tossing a flagrant tight encased hand around, “but around here it's the best prize any of us can get. He usually only does it when he's asleep and not conscious of it. When we were children we didn’t understand the behavior was in Leo’s mind like a hug- we perceived it as aggressive and territorial. Between Splinter and Raph doling out consequences, and Mikey and I tattling about it Leo trained himself to stop. I'm not here to discuss the errors in our childhood; Just to provide you with a baseline for how rare it is for us to get scent marked by Leo.”

“Right,” Casey said, nodding along but his face was still twisted up.

Donnie cleared his throat. “Casey Jones, your Leo must have scent marked you three times a day. While we weren't going to trust you immediately you pretty much had us at Master Leonardo sending you into the past.”

“Seriously? You all laughed,” Casey pointed out.

“We did,” Donnie conceded, “because it was still confusing to be in the room with someone who smelled so familiar- but wasn’t. There was no way you could smell the way you did without some form of a Hamato Leonardo basting you in his ‘I love this person’ smells. You reeked. In general. But also of Leo. Your Sensei loved you so much he marinated you in it.”

Casey shook his head dismissively. “Scent marking? When?”

If Leo only did it while Casey was asleep then it was a hard sell. Donnie had been too eager to share something good with Casey to think about that. “He just needs to run his chin or jaw on you. You might not have noticed.”

“Oh?” Casey asked, frowning before clamping both hands over his mouth and staring wide eyed at Donnie.

“What?” Donnie asked, tilting to look behind himself. Perhaps there was a shocking person in the doorway- nope. No one. It was the middle of the night.

“Uh, he pulled me under his chin and did that every time I hugged him,” Casey whispered.

Turning back to Casey; Donnie was confronted with tears. Tears on someone else. He scrambled to grab a few tissues from the cosmetics shelf and thrust them towards Casey while trying to find words.

“Oh. Then my point stands and you are required to feel we are even now,” Donnie said, as Casey blew his nose with the tissues. “Do you feel this transaction was fair?”

“Yeah,” Casey said, tossing the tissues into the trash bin and yanking the sleeves of his hoodie down to dry more tears.

A wave of needing to go to the toilet helped Donnie gather his spine. “Then get out of the bathroom I need to go and I have poop anxiety.”

“Right, sorry. Thanks for the talk-” Casey started to say but Donnie was already ushering him out of the room and into the hall.

Food was optional. A person could go days without food. Yes they wouldn't be happy but it wasn't deadly. It also wasn't like Donnie was hitting his usual forty thousand steps a day. He used to run daily, and he was constantly on his feet in his lab moving from blue prints to the project to wherever he left that damn socket wrench.

In the week of blurred together days Donnie had barely moved. Three thousand steps just because of his frequent bathroom trips.

With a poor knowledge of nutrition labels (Raph was the only macro tracker in the family) he guessed he was averaging seven hundred calories a day. Which had to be below what he needed but he wasn't moving. It was fine. It wasn't permanent and Donnie wasn't hungry. Only suffering some minor discomforts from being slightly starved.

Drinking water was the real issue.

See in the past no matter how offended by food Donnie was he could always drink water, have an electrolyte drink, flavorless juice, ice chips, coffee, diet sodas all without upsetting his senses. Since The Technodrome he found swallowing liquids hurt. It made him feel worse. His stomach churned and sloshed while the logical part of himself whispered a concern about his watery bowel movements. 

Because yes there was blood, but not all of the liquid was blood. There was urate too. A lot of urate for someone not drinking very much.

Donnie could feel dehydration. Dry eyes. The headache. The sandy mud in his mouth. His skin was ashy and flaky at the elbows. His lips chapped. The headache was partially from caffeine withdrawal. Again Donnie realized that if he was already struggling to drink he shouldn't drink a diuretic. This limited him to one cup of coffee with lots of ice so it was tepid on his throat. 

He was the first to wake that morning. Sitting at the kitchen table with his diluted and lukewarm coffee before Mikey came in and made himself a morning green tea latte. Words were said but bounced off Donnie as he sat sullen at the table. Dreading that he needed to tell Leo about his situation. Knowing his twin wouldn't agree to putting in an IV without knowing why he needed it.

Donnie really didn't want to explain. The Technodrome was a rock that launched from his stomach to his throat whenever he thought about it. 

The kitchen was musty with the humid steam from several packed omelettes. Stuffed with cheese and chopped veggies for Leo, Mikey, and Dad. Another three made meat lovers' style for Raph, Donnie, and Casey. Another meal Donnie would eat around the fringes of with Raph sighing at him and Mikey looking sad.

And Leo's omelette remained unconsumed as the slider was still sleeping as hard as a rock. Irritably shoving away anyone that tried to rouse him from his sleep.

Donnie was resentful and then ashamed that he felt that way about Leo. His twin needed sleep and Donnie could drink water if he really wanted to. The IV was the easy way out.

After breakfast Donnie cradled the remaining half of his mug of coffee and started towards his lab when Raph stepped in his way.

“Oh no you don't,” Raph warned, “No way am I letting you scamper off to your lab after three bites of breakfast and- what mug of coffee is this? Three? Four?”

Donnie flinched. He took eight bites of breakfast, he wasn't scampering to his lab to work, he was desperate to be alone in the dark with his headache, and this was his first mug. “This is my first mug,” he said, realizing as he said it he should have said he didn't feel well.

“And this is me believing you,” Raph said, snatching the mug out of Donnie’s hands and turning him towards the living room. “No work for you. We're resting in the living room again. You're far from heeled.”

The feeling of being herded to the living room made Donnie bristle. His shell thankfully didn't wrinkle. He wasn't sure what moving his prehensile shell would do with all the stitches but he was grateful he didn't accidentally find out. Still, he didn't want to be in the living room. He wanted his diluted coffee back. He wanted to be alone. He-

He was crying.

Oh he was going to have an episode again. While dehydrated and sick and after he just got the most breakfast down in days he was going to freak out. He stumbled away from Raph and curled in a ball on his futon in the far corner of the living room.

“What's wrong with D?” Mikey asked.

“He's mad I took his coffee and barred him from working,” Raph said, flippantly. “I know this is rough but he can't just drink coffee all morning. It's killing his appetite.”

“Oh, I dumped most of the coffee this morning into a pitcher and put it in the fridge for iced lattes,” Mikey said, “I didn't think he was drinking that much right now- Hey, Casey, are you okay? You look… sick?”

Donnie listened to the conversation through harsh in and out breathing. Roughly palming tears from his eyes with April’s tight leg.

“I uh, I got sick,” Casey said sheepishly.

“What kind of sick?” Raph asked. “Throwing up or the shits? We got stuff for either.”

“I threw up. I don't need anything. I already cleaned it up. I got to the toilet. Sorry,” he added.

Donnie turned over to see what was going on. Yes Casey was pale and slightly hunched over. The way Donnie was all the time except no one was asking if he was sick but he wouldn't be truthful about it if they asked him. Or maybe he would. Or maybe he just needed someone to accuse him of having bowel issues so he could begrudgingly confess and have to tolerate getting medical attention that would make all this pain and discomfort go away. What a fantasy.

“Why are you apologizing for throwing up?” Raph said, narrowing his eyes.

Casey gave him a distraught look. “It wastes food. The om-thing. Sorry.”

Mikey sat up straight. “Oh crap. Uh Casey. What was the food situation before you went back in time?”

“I-...,” Casey shrugged and looked off at the ground.

The moment hung suspended in the air before Raph stepped forward. Big right hand on Casey's shoulder. “It's important Casey. For your health.”

Casey wilted. “We were the last ones alive,” he said, only looking at the floor. “I mean- Master Leonardo didn't want to tell me that we were going to die but- we had no food. No place to go- I ate out of a trash can when I came here before finding Commander O'Neil… I thought those were just bins of leftovers? And I was so hungry.”

Raph, Mikey, and Donnie shared a dark look. Leo would have shared it too if he wasn't on the couch in an eerily still sleep.

“Alright,” Mikey sprang to his feet. “We need to feed him bland food. Really bland food. That omelette was about the stupidest thing I could have made him for breakfast. I thought he could use the protein and iron so I made it Raph style.”

Casey looked up at Mikey with nervous eyes. “I think I probably just ate too fast, it was very good Mikey.”

“Brat,” Raph said, nodding at Mikey.

“I don't mean to be a nuisance!” Casey yelped.

Raph shook Casey's shoulder and shook his head. “No no sorry Casey it's an acronym. Brat. Bananas, rice, apple sauce, and toast. All food that is good for sensitive stomachs. I wasn't calling you a brat. We should have made you oatmeal or cream of wheat or something.”

“Oh,” Casey’s face lit up. “I've never had any of those things, but I've had Cream of Cockroach!”

“No,” Mikey said, haunted.

“It was your recipe.”

“NO!” Mikey cried.

“Okay enough about cockroaches,” Raph snapped. “Let's kill two birds with one stone. Donnie can you get him some toast and… are you allergic to peanuts Casey?”

“Yes, actually,” Casey said. “But there weren't any peanuts in the future. I guess I had a scare as a baby?”

Raph pinched his brows together and huffed a single amused laugh. “Really? Just like me.”

Casey awkwardly laughed. “Oh, interesting,” he said before clearing his throat.

“Then toast with almond butter should be easy on your gut,” Mikey declared, marching off to the kitchen.

Raph nudged Casey to follow Mikey then pointed at Donnie before jerking his thumb in the direction of the duo. “You too.”

“My stomach hurts,” Donnie whispered.

“Tough. Eat something anyways. Now is not the time to be picky.”

Raph didn't budge until Donnie got up. His head throbbing as building tears pressed around his eyeballs. He wanted to be alone but he shuffled past Raph and into the kitchen where it was bright and still smelled eggy from breakfast.

“Come on Casey,” Mikey was by the toaster putting bread on plates. “I'll show you how to work the toaster. You'll need to know because Leo is banned from touching it.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

Because sitting at the table hurt Donnie opted to get the almond butter down. While faced away from Raph he wiped at his eyes with his tight wrapped hand.

Casey loved Almond Butter. They splurged and got Raph the expensive high end creamy Barney's Butter brand that was pretty close to peanut butter. Mikey and Donnie opted for good ole Skippy while Casey wolfed down three pieces of almond butter topped toast. Meanwhile Donnie mostly ate the peanut butter off the top of his toast, (the toast crumbs hurt his gums,) but Raph seemed placated enough by that. He even managed a few sips of watered down apple juice.

“Hey Master Michelangelo can I ask you something?”

“Sure! But call me Mikey. I'm younger than you,” Mikey said cheerfully.

“Right, sorry it's a habit,” Casey said, licking his lips. “Mikey, how long can you guys go before you feel hungry?”

Mikey frowned. “Uhm, a day? Like if I skip breakfast I'm going to be really hungry by lunch. Especially if I'm up and doing stuff.”

That clearly wasn't the answer Casey was expecting. “Ah. So, uh, you lied to me,” he said quietly, looking down at his plate.

“I did?” Mikey asked.

“You're already lying to Casey?” Raph asked. “He hasn't even been here a week!”

Casey shook his head. “No, sorry, I misspoke, my version of you and Leo lied to me. They kept giving me their food. They were rationing it out to me but they weren't eating at all. They told me they didn't feel hunger, as turtles.”

“For how long?” Mikey asked.

“Three weeks,” Casey said. “The only thing they would have was water and not very much. They told me turtles don't feel hunger until a month of not eating. So it was okay.”

“We can go a lot longer than humans without food,” Raph said. “It is not comfortable.”

At that Casey simply grimaced. He was no longer eating with enthusiasm. 

“Casey, can I ask you something?” Raph ducked his head down to look at Casey's face.

Casey shrugged. “It's your house.”

“Okay well even if it wasn't-,” Raph started, “-I guess Raph is just wondering if Leo and Mikey were parents to you? Or am I completely off the beaten path?”

There had been some weirdness in the bathroom last night when Donnie asked about Sensei. Now that weirdness had returned. Casey pulled on a mask. A stone facial expression.

“I'm not sure I should answer that,” he said after a long moment.

Raph nodded but continued. “It's just. Leo seems important to you and Draxum said the spell to open a time gateway alone would kill the person performing it. So we can imply your Mikey died sending you back here. That's a big sacrifice for someone he isn't close to.”

Ah. Donnie hadn't caught that.

Master Michelangelo was dead. He died recently from where Casey stood. Donnie locked eyes with his Mikey. Maybe they were thinking about the Communication Plane. The spell practice they did with Draxum that allowed them to meet up on the astral plane. Was it too dark to wonder how that spell would work if one of them was dead?

“Yes.” Casey's voice cold. “Master Michelangelo died to send me back in time. He wasn't my dad, he was my... uncle. And I, yeah, yeah he killed himself to send me back in time but I don't think that means I matter-” his voice shook the longer he spoke, losing the hard edge that was an act from the beginning.

“Who was Leo?” Mikey interrupted. “Like, to you? Who was he to you?”

Casey opened his mouth but again it was a full second before he decided to speak. “He was my Sensei, but also my uncle. Both of you were extremely close with my parents.”

“Where were your parents when you came to our timeline?”

Dead.

That seemed obvious to Donnie. It was obvious to Raph given the way his eyes darkened. It was obvious to Mikey under the cheerful peppy question.

“My mom died when I was four. My dad died when I was eight. Your family took me in after they died,” Casey said, keeping his head down.

Raph nodded. “So at the time you were sent back Leo and Mikey were the adults that took care of you?”

“Correct.”

“Casey,” Raph laughed, smacking the table. “Of course they lied to get the child in their care to eat. You didn't do anything wrong believing them. You're here now. Eat your toast. We got plenty of food.”

That did it. Casey pulled his sleeves over his hands and started wiping his face and Mikey shot out of his seat.

“Casey, would you make me some almond butter toast?” Mikey asked, getting the bread and spread back out. “I promise I'll sit right here and eat it. I know I’m not your uncle, but maybe it will help?”

Casey sniffled and turned in his chair before slowly rising to his feet. “Sure,” he croaked. “Thanks Mikey.”

“No problem,” Mikey chirped.

The atmosphere in the kitchen was sullen. Donnie felt smaller. His problems felt small. He watched Mikey eat the toast Casey made him and couldn't shake the pit forming in his chest. The more time that passed from Casey's story the more Donnie found a new detail to be sickened by.

Mikey and Leo starved themselves to keep a teenager in their care. A teenager that smelled like Leo's scent glands. A teenager that ate Mikey's Cream of Cockroach. Uncles. Sensei. Mikey died in that world. Leo was still starving in that world. Donnie and Raph were, well that was the confusing part. What happened to Casey’s version of himself and Raph?

At the head of the table Raph was quiet. He had to have the same questions, but he didn't ask them.

Leo’s quality sleep streak lasted over eighteen hours. With him only waking to use the bathroom, eat a large but not unhealthy portion of food, or to change where his pillows were. He was a bit of a zombie. Never fully awake when eating and going to the restroom and falling back into a twitching silent slumber within seconds of closing his eyes. Papa only made the comment that Leo’s poor sleep would catch up with him all at once, and Donnie could remember a few of those cases over the years. Most notably the one summer they went to April’s farmhouse and Leo slept for six of the seven days they were there.

For Donnie he was a bit torn. Selfishly he felt better when Leo was awake. He felt that if Leo was looking at him, interacting with him, and not saying anything about Donnie’s injuries than Donnie was okay. Leo was such a maniac about their health that the slider not scrutinizing them was a comfort. If Donnie had a cold and Leo threw cough syrup and orders to sleep at him then he knew he was going to be fine. If he was on his third day with a fever that wouldn’t break and Leo was glued to his side with a thermometer in hand then Donnie knew he should be worried.

This methodology of when to be worried broke down if Leo decided to spend nearly twenty hours sleeping.

Donnie had this anxiety. Detached from anything he could put words to. Yes his insides were bleeding. Yes it was pretty hard to drink water. The blood was getting more and more diluted and he looked up the symptoms of internal hemorrhaging. It seemed if the Technodrome had done serious damage he would have been dead by now without treatment. 

So it couldn’t have been that bad, Donnie thought, rocking back and forth on his futon away from the Raph and Mikey pile. Casey was in the space between Leo and where Raph and Mikey were sharing a laptop. The human kept looking over at Leo every time he murmured. 

That should have been Donnie’s first red flag. There was something said about April coming over with a lot of the things Donnie purchased for Casey off Amazon. He quickly volunteered to head to her apartment and help her carry down all the packages she couldn't keep hiding in her room. 

Casey gave the mumbling Leo one more glance before looking at Raph. He seemed to grapple with something before leaving without further comment. The incident stuck with Donnie but the second he questioned why Casey looked so troubled Leo answered.

With an ear splitting scream.

Adrenaline was a gunshot in a crowd. Leo shot up from his makeshift floor bed and threw his blankets off with a howl. “PLEASE STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE!”

They all scrambled to see what he was screaming at. Who had come into their home through all their levels of security and threatened Leo. Raph took to guarding Leo while Mikey protectively crouched in front of Donnie.

As quick as they were all on their feet ready for a fight and dreading it with the flare of pain from still healing injuries: Leo was laughing. Doubled over where his blankets were twisted with his pillows. 

“Oh my god that was close!” he guffawed, dramatically wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

Raph’s face twisted into several expressions. “Leo that isn't funny, what the heck man? You scared the life out of everybody!”

Leo cackled and Splinter rushed into the room. Donnie fell to his hands and knees. His own heart was beating so hard it might explode. He glared at Leo.

“What is going on out here?” Splinter asked, incorrectly coming to Donnie’s aid. 

Clutching his chest did make him seem like he was the one having an emergency. Splinter carefully took Donnie’s left wrist and felt for his pulse.

“Aw even- even dad is worried,” Leo chuckled, sitting on his haunches. “Okay. I jumped the shark.”

“Why wouldn't I be worried?” Splinter asked, carefully dropping Donnie’s wrist.

At the same time Raph stepped closer to Splinter and Donnie before giving needed context, “Leo was the one screaming Pops.”

“I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this, you know?” Leo said, swallowing and running his left hand over his neck and small arm. Random sporadic massaging of his chest, limbs, and neck but he had an uncanny smile. “Like is there a point? At first it was nice to leave for a bit- but- what am I doing? None of you are real- there's no point in this is there?”

Donnie felt the pressure in his chest explode. Seeing Leo’s cocky grin slip right off his face and onto his shivering lap. The grenade that just rolled into the middle of the room without a pin. Donnie jerked forward towards Leo but Splinter held his shoulder tight with one hand and raised his other hand silencing the first words from Raph and Mikey.

“Blue,” their father said, stepping closer to Leo. “This is real.”

Leo sniffled and wiped at his face. He was only wearing pajama bottoms so he wiped his hands on his thighs. “Yeah, I know you're going to say that because-” he shrugged, scrubbed at his face then looked at Splinter with an all teeth smile. “Oh can we get some fast food and watch a movie?”

“What happened?” Casey asked, coming to a halt in the living room. Amazon boxes and envelopes toppling onto the floor.

April was behind him, panting to keep up. They clearly ran from somewhere in the sewer. April had a huge box. Hopefully it was the beanbag Donnie ordered for Casey's yet to be dragged in subway car. “Yeah who was screaming?” she demanded, dropping the box.

Splinter didn’t turn to face them, only holding up his hand for their silence while staying locked on Leo. Stalking forward slowly while Leo squirmed in his spot. “Leonardo. Why were you screaming? Did you have a nightmare?”

“Uh no nightmare since we’re getting fast food and a movie,” Leo said lightly.

“No, before,” Splinter said, lowering his voice. “Were you having a nightmare?”

Leo shrugged. An easy question that he avoided.

At Donnie’s side Mikey saddled up closer. Squeezing and releasing his left hand in pulses that had to be hard with his own wounds, but it put the room back together. Painfully silent as Splinter tried to communicate with someone who wasn’t sure of where they were.

That was the only way Donnie could describe it. This was Leo if Leo thought he was in a walking dream.

“What was it about?” Splinter asked.

Leo had completely fixed his body language now. “It’s hard to explain. You wouldn’t get it,” he said, like it was a meme and not a clear flashback that had him scrambling backward across the room while screaming his lungs out.

“Try us,” Splinter said softly. “Your family has the capacity to understand a lot of things if you let them.”

A pang of discomfort reverbed in Donnie. Since the initial crisis of getting everyone stable Splinter had been absent. In his room. Yet he included himself in the word family now like he would stick around much longer after this.

“Well... not this, but whatever,” Leo sighed. “He won't kill me. That's the nightmare, as you have called it.”

“Who won’t kill you?” Splinter asked.

“Prime.”

“Prime is locked away in the Prison Dimension,” Splinter said, now close enough to Leo to touch but Leo scooted away. “He did not kill you.”

Leo grimaced. “Yeah, he’s locked in there with me. Unless you forgot that small detail-” he sighed, “right, I guess if you're in my head you would actually believe that Mikey made a portal and pulled me out.”

He gave them all a dull look over Splinter’s head.

“Oh come on I gave up on that hope once my comm died,” Leo scoffed, after receiving no response but shocked silence. “Which happens when you cry into it I guess. You know how insane the battery life on those are- Donnie, I really never gave you enough credit. Tear proof too man. Go you.”

“Leo-”

“You’re safe!”

“I did make a portal!”

“No one speak.”

Raph, April, and Mikey were cut off by Splinter’s harsh order. Mouths clamping shut as he took on a tone he rarely brought out.

“If you are in the Prison Dimension, how are you here?” Splinter asked.

“I already dissociate,” Leo said, irritated now. Tired of Splinter in an exasperated way when normally he would be dying for their dad’s undivided attention. Donnie’s stomach boiled. “I already know how to not feel my body. I just needed something to think about when he shows up. He likes it when I react. He gets bored if I don't-”

Splinter closed the distance, taking Leo’s short hand. “This is real.”

Leo stared mouth open down at his small hand in Splinter’s. “Of course it is,” he agreed, carefully prying Splinter’s fingers open. “I'm being silly. Can we get sushi? I miss sushi.”

“Wait so for the week you thought that this is all... a dream?” April asked.

“I don't want any judgement but I want a Philadelphia roll I know it's not real sushi. I know it's mostly cream cheese. I like cream cheese and rice,” Leo said, scooting further away. He was running out of living room.

Splinter frowned, and unexpectantly looked towards Donnie. “He wasn't in there for more than twenty minutes. This seems... extreme.”

He knew he wasn’t being accused of hiding anything, but he was. Splinter’s question was a hot poker of guilt. “He was in there for eight days. It took eight days for his comm to die,” Donnie spoke, head bowed to the floor.

“And you didn't tell us?” Raph yelled. “Donnie-”

“He asked me not to,” Donnie said, slamming his eyes shut and wincing at the volume in the room. The throbbing in his head pulsing down towards his pelvis. “He told me he didn't want to make Mikey feel bad, I see that was a lie now but-”

“You should have told us the second you found out D!”

Donnie flinched. “I've been distracted, I-” he tried weakly, everyone's eyes burning through him. He was the biggest thing in the room; hands on the floor, head on the ceiling. 

Crushed in a box.

“Distracted?” Raph repeated, “What could possibly be more important than telling us he was in there for eight days-”

That was the thing. Donnie was sure he was going to tell them. He was both remembering and forgetting what happened after he found out Leo's comm had died after eight days. He couldn't recall what distracted him. Not through the haze of Raph being mad at him and Nardo thinking he was still with Prime.

He curled under himself with a low whine.

“Okay well it was way more than eight days,” Leo snorted. “If my dream world here is going to become self aware and implode at least do it correctly. And get me sushi while we're at it!”

Mikey was hovering over Donnie. Stroking where he was least injured. “Leo? How long?” he asked, trembling.

“I don't know. I spend a lot of time here,” Leo said, rocking from the sound of his voice. “I was spending a lot of time in Donnie’s lab. Sometimes I spent it in the medbay. At first I fantasized about the medbay and waking up with everyone at my bedside and drugs in my veins and all my injuries cared for. Wounds aren't healing in there but it's worse than that. They heal just to that point where they're agonizing. When the bruises are the most swollen. When the adrenaline is gone. When the pain is at its peak. I think the Prison Dimension has a magical element in it. They said their siblings didn't survive and I know now the only way to die in the Prison Dimension is to do it yourself. I'm starving, but I'm not losing weight. I'm incapable of breaking down my muscles or fat. My energy is so low. My stomach hurts. I'm thirsty. I can't die, I can only suffer. I haven't gone to the toilet in weeks. It's a weird feeling. My kidneys hurt. I feel ill. Sometimes he comes back and he hits me but he's weak too now. He comes to me and asks about my family. He berates me. He strikes the ground around me. He holds me and pretends he's going to hit me over and over again and I keep flinching and I'm in so much pain it hurts to flinch and when I finally stop flinching he starts hitting me. He chokes me. He thinks my prosthetic arm is a part of me. He presses his claws into the soles of my feet. So I do this instead. I like to imagine that somehow this glowing orange portal opens up and all my brothers pull me away and Donnie drills Prime in his stupid face and Raph grabs me and sure healing sucks but I would be home and we could get sushi so brain family can we please get sushi remember I want the Philadelphia roll and no judgement.”

His monologue hung in a silent room. Donnie breathed harshly in and out. Stomach contents dangerously close to surfacing.

“Dude this is real,” April whispered, hoarse.

Donnie looked up at Leo and saw only a smile directed at April. “Right. So, sushi?”

It was the same smile Leo had when going to the Hidden City in secret. The same charm and charisma that set Donnie ever so slightly off. Talking to get what he wants.

Because everyone in that room wanted to believe Leo thought this was real.

But they knew they were speaking to a liar.

Casey stepped forward. “Hey did I tell you that Donnie told me that when I came back from the past I smelled like a Leo. He said that means my Leo scent marked me.”

April and Splinter looked surprised but Leo seemed mad. He scowled at Casey. “Okay? Cool,” he said, standoffish and cold.

“I'm telling you something you don't know,” Casey said lightly, confusing everyone in the room and pissing off Leo.

“That's just a weird thing for me to imagine you saying,” Leo snapped. “So stop it.”

The teen pointed to Mikey then Leo. “You and Mikey were my adoptive parents.”

Leo slammed him right foot down hard on the rug covered cement then clutched his knee. “Can you stop. I don't know why you're saying all this.”

“Because it's real,” Casey pressed, hand on his heart. “This is real.”

“Yeah. If I made a portal as part of a fantasy-,” Mikey piped up, “Why would you imagine my arms like this Leo? It hurts to use them.”

Leo took a sharp inhale.

“Right!” April said quickly. “Leo. Look around if this is your fantasy why wouldn't the people you care about be injury free? This is your happy place right?”

“Does us being injured make you happy?” Raph asked, tilting his head.

“No!” Leo shouted. “Of course not- I- I just- can we stop. Philadelphia roll. Please?”

“Not until you understand this is real,” Raph said firmly.

Leo nodded emphatically. “Okay it's real. I believe you now.”

“And now you're lying,” Raph stated.

Leo started rocking back and forth. Plucking at his pajama pants. “Okay so I get to suffer in my head too, that's great that's cool-” he said, cut off by a painful inhale of air. Then another.

Quickly Raph crouched down. While speaking to Leo he pointed to Donnie. “Why would you imagine Donnie so hurt?”

Okay Donnie didn't know why he was being targeted specifically. Not until Leo looked even more panicked and heart broken.

“I, I didn't want you guys to be hurt-” Leo panted. “I don't know why I did it.”

“You didn't hurt anyone,” Splinter said, again attempting to close the distance between him and Leo. “You didn't imagine your family hurt. They are hurt, because we stopped the Kraang and Orange made a portal for us to reach you- and you were there for a long time. Longer than we knew until now.”

Leo slowly scooted back on his butt. Eyes locked on Splinter's outstretched hand as he breathed in and out rapidly. Painfully. Almost like an asthma flare up before he sucked in a deep breath and held it.  “Okay yeah,” he  said, tension leaving his shoulders as he slowly exhaled. 

Then that fake smile was back on in an instant.

“Sushi?”

Vomit flew out of Donnie’s mouth. Projectile. Water from a hose. It happened in the one second of stunned silence as they all watched Leo completely disregard all evidence that he was home and safe. The whiplash for Donnie from deep regret to a piercing fear as he vomited had the room disoriented again.

April was at his side instantly. Hands fluttering for somewhere not injured to hold him steady “Shit. Hey it's okay it's okay-” she started, voice kind. “Someone fetch him water- okay just aim for the hard floor D-”

Someone picked him up by the elbows so he was at least puking on the sealed cement. He puked four or five times in a row and could feel a lot of it had splattered back on him. Through the chaos he heard everyone trying to keep Leo away. Donnie was not helping by gasping out Leo's name between spurts of bile.

“Leo stay back we'll take care of him,” Raph ordered. “Mikey, Casey, grab a bucket-”

“There's blood!” Leo snapped. “Stop let me go there's blood- collect some of it-”

“I think he's right-,” April was cut off, suddenly fanning her hand in front if her face. “Oh what's that smell it's awful-”

Oh no.

The wet feeling between his thighs. Under his tail. He did not just- not in front of everyone! 

“He went to the bathroom,” Splinter stated, tone completely neutral. “It's okay Purple,” he felt his father's hands untying his drawstrings. He let it happen. “A stomach bug does that to the best... of... Blue there is blood back here.”

“What?” Leo's whisper was hoarse. “Coming from where?”

Donnie let out a whine and quickly sat his butt on his heels to hide his shame.

“Hey you're okay,” April whispered, wiping his face with tissues while Raph hefted his hips up. “It's okay, just let it out.”

“Okay medbay,” Leo announced. “Officially medbay time if you bleed from two ends or more. New rule.”

Several hands wanted him on his feet and he twisted away. “Bathroom,” he begged. He wanted nothing more than to curl up on the floor with a toilet so he could cry and peel his clothes off.

Then perhaps drown in a shower.

“No,” Leo said, sharp as he gestured something to Raph. “Sorry you can puke in kidney dishes and crap on chucks,” he whispered, pulling back just as Raph swooped in to pick up his gross puke and shit covered body with a large beach towel. 

Pinned to Raph's chest he went limp. No way this could get worse. Leo was already talking to April and Casey about sedatives. Dad was soothing Mikey and Raph had the guiltiest expression as he looked down at Donnie in his arms.