Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jasper's POV

Jasper sat in the backseat of Evana’s car, parked in front of the convenience store at the gas station. Outside, the air was warm with the scent of summer, and the car smelled faintly like a mix of gasoline and the lavender air freshener swinging from the rearview mirror.

Elva sat beside him, scrolling through her phone, looking for the thing she wanted to show him.

“Have you done today’s Wordle?” she asked, hovering her thumb over the search bar.

“You’re old school, Elvie. There’s an app for that,” he teased.

She clicked her tongue in irritation and switched the tab to her Nerdle game.

“Look,” she said. “I guessed today’s equation in two tries.”

Jasper leaned in, grateful for the excuse to be closer. “Genius.”

Elva shrugged, mumbling something about luck and the numbers being easy to narrow down, though she was visibly flattered at the praise. She moved her thumb back to the previous tab and pressed on the search bar.

And then it happened.

Her finger unintentionally pressed the letter “S”, and the search bar displayed her past searches. Jasper was still looking over her shoulder when his eyes caught a glimpse of a certain URL.

https://www.sneezefetishforum.com/forum/1-general-discussion/

He didn’t know how he caught that, considering the lights were dim and Elva’s phone screen was glaringly bright. He had to squint, and he wasn’t wearing his glasses or contacts. She’d swiftly closed the tab and opened the app store before he could read it properly— but he still managed to catch it.

Elva’s expression didn’t change. She continued typing for Wordle in the app store and resumed the conversation as if nothing had happened.

“I can’t find the app.”

“It’s NYT Games. Here, let me—” Jasper offered before she quickly interjected.

“No. I got it. Thanks.”

While waiting for the app to load, Elva tilted the phone toward him again to show him some cursed-looking AI-generated advertisement. She was so… composed. Too composed. It made him want to test the waters. For all he knew, maybe she just had the Sneeze Fetish Forum open because a friend had confessed their weird fetish to her. People tended to do things like that with Elva. He’d even considered it himself.

“Hey, Elvie?”

“Mm?”

He forced a sharp inhale through his nose, enough to pass as a sniffling noise and like someone on the precipice of a sneeze.

Her hands tensed around her phone, and her eyes flicked to him for a split second and then flicked back to the screen.

Jasper smiled faintly. “Allergies. It’s kinda dusty in here,” he said casually, leaning back.

She made a vague sound of sympathetic agreement. Her ears were pink. He was so going to hell for that.

This was new terrain. Jasper didn’t know whether to laugh, confess that he, too, frequented this strange blue site, or sneeze on purpose.

He cleared his throat and slipped into the far right seat, leaving a gap between them. He looked out the window so she wouldn’t see the stupid look of excitement on his face.

He'd been dying to confess to her since their junior year of high school. He's been trying since they graduated, but then they went to separate universities, and even though they weren't too far apart, life and academics got in the way. He planned to confess eventually when the timing was right, he had a clear-cut plan, and wasn't terrified.

His head was spinning with possibilities.

This was giving him ideas.

***

Elva's POV

Elva was trying not to freak out. She stared at her phone and trained her face into the most neutral expression as if that could override this massive slip-up that transpired within a millisecond. What is wrong with me? Elva, you careless fool! He couldn’t have seen that, right?

She didn’t dare look at him to check.

And then he sniffled, muttering something about his allergies. Was he taunting her?? Elva couldn’t angrily call him out for anything because 1. in the case that he hadn’t seen it, she would directly be outing herself, 2. she wondered if she was just projecting her paranoia onto her poor best-friend, who genuinely was susceptible to allergens, and 3. if he had seen it… Well, she really had no way to tell because he couldn’t have, right?

She felt like an awful person.

Jasper was minding his own business now, looking at some random video of a sport she couldn’t care less about, but had some knowledge of because he played it. She wasn’t going to ask him about Wordle anymore.

Moments later, Evana emerged from the convenience store like her saving grace. The silence was getting too unbearable. Eva entered the car with a grape-flavored drink for Jasper and a carton of chocolate milk for her.

“I was thinking about getting coffee, but I need to sleep early tonight,” she said as she handed Elva her drink.

“Eves, remind me to send out that Google Form for the international students tomorrow,” Jasper chimed in. The conversation shifted to student council responsibilities, giving Elva an excuse to tune out because she didn’t go to the same school as them.

She stared out the window as the car began to move. She didn’t speak unless someone asked her something directly, which they didn’t. It was just Jasper and Evana bantering, a noise she would normally find comforting if it wasn’t for the fact that she felt so distracted and anxious.

Elva didn’t know when it started, but sometime in their junior year, she’d begun to suspect Jasper had a crush on her. She’d started noticing a tiny shift in their dynamic, though she couldn’t quite place what it was.

He never said anything, though. And she wasn’t going to admit that she’d started liking him right after this whole theory started playing around in her head. Jasper was supposed to be her best friend. Her annoying, slightly overachieving, straight-A, kind of too good-looking best friend. She’d only started noticing the last part very recently.

Somewhere along the way, she’d become increasingly aware of stupid little things like how good certain shirts fit him, how he squinted at screens like a grandpa, how high his voice could get when he was laughing...

It was all Mrs. Lorraine, their high school computer science teacher’s, fault. During junior and senior year, she’d constantly pair her up with Jasper, which she honestly didn’t mind, but Elva hated how knowing she looked every time she handed them an assignment and insisted they do it in pairs.

“We’re a good team,” Jasper said once after class, slinging his bag over his shoulder with that easy grin. And she would nod but wish that he would just say something.

Fast forward into the future, here they were, twenty-one and still very much in each other’s orbits, with Elva pretending she didn’t wish that Jasper would confess to her so she’d at least have a chance at deciding if she wanted something more.

She was not going to bring it up first. He started this whole thing. She wasn’t going to play this hinting game, which left her over-analyzing every offhand comment he made and his body language. It frustrated her because Jasper wasn’t a shy person, and yet he couldn’t say anything to her. Maybe that was the point, or maybe she was only a Plan B, or maybe she’d been misreading the signs, and maybe this whole crush thing was a delusion.

Elva wasn’t going to admit to anything, especially not after she’d almost exposed herself. Or exposed herself.

Because if he had seen it…

IF he had—

She swallowed and snuck a glance in his direction.

Jasper was laughing at something Evana said. He was literally on the edge of his seat and holding the front passenger seat to prevent himself from doubling over.

Elva looked back out the window.

He hadn’t seen it. Probably.

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

After dropping Elva off at her dormitory, Evana drove back to their university. Jasper felt sort of guilty that Elva was quiet the whole ride. When he asked if she was okay, she replied that she was just tired. He didn’t want to push it, since she’d once told him that she felt bad for not having as much energy as they did—something that didn’t even cross his mind as a problem until she mentioned it to him in passing.

Once he reached his dorm, he clicked the door shut behind him. The first thing he did was text Elva that he had fun on their outing. He didn’t tell her this, but his favorite part was when she burst out laughing during their picnic because of some amusing observation Evana made. He couldn’t remember what it was because he was only half-listening to it while sneaking glances at the girl giggling beside him.

His heart had been thudding hard in his chest the entire car ride. It wasn’t because of the hilarious back-and-forth with Eva or the stupid jokes he kept cracking until Elva finally reacted to one, but it was because of that one-second glimpse of the Sneeze Fetish Forum, and the opportunity it presented for him and Elva.

He plopped his bag on the ground beside his desk chair, sat down, and fished out his laptop, which was zipped up in a black sleeve bag. He took it out and placed it on his desk.

It took a minute for it to boot up. Jasper cracked his knuckles before typing in his password and opening the browser.

Search: sneeze forum

Jasper clicked the first search result and headed to the login page.

Display Name or Email Address [REQUIRED]

flamealchemist

—————————————————————————

Password [REQUIRED]

*************

He winced at the username. He’d chosen that when he was in high school and obsessed with “Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood”. At the time, flamealchemist sounded mysterious and cool. It was still mysterious and cool if he didn’t think too much about it, and who he was at the time of creating the account.

Once logged in, he scrolled down to the bottom of the page.

Who’s Online — 13 Members, 1 Anonymous, 31 Guests

See full list?

Yes.

He clicked on the hyperlink text to view all the users online. This was definitely a very exposing way to show who was active on the site.

———————————————————————

flamealchemist

Viewing Online User List

———————————————————————

Jeez…

———————————————————————

Guest

Viewing Topic: I totally sneezed on her.

———————————————————————

Yikes…

———————————————————————

DustBunny

Viewing Forum: Stories

———————————————————————

wisteriuh

Viewing Topic: General Discussion

———————————————————————

He paused. That could be Elva. He’d found a suspect quicker than he thought.

In their senior year of high school, he remembered Elva taking a test called “Your Personal Flower”. It was a personality test, and she’d gotten “Wisteria” as her result. Wisteriuh could very well be her. Plus, she’d phonetically spelled out usernames before when the one she wanted was taken. One time, they were at the library, and she was setting up her GitHub. “Elva” and “Elvie” were already taken, so she added an “h” to the back of her name. He teased her about it and remembered how she blushed when his knee accidentally brushed hers under the table.

This had to be his Elvie. He could feel it.

Jasper opened a new tab. He needed more confirmation.

“wisteriuh” site:sneezefetishforum.com

Several search results appeared. Jasper scrolled down slowly with his trackpad. He was treading dangerous waters. Wisteriuh didn’t seem to be a frequent poster, but she’d dropped a comment or two on the fanfictions or art she liked. She was a lurker here, just like him.

He clicked on result after result. In a post discussion about allergies, this person, who could be Elva, agreed with a comment about cherry blossom allergies being cute. Elva once said she disliked the scent of cherry blossoms in air fresheners and candles because they gave her headaches.

That didn’t mean it could be her. God… He wanted to message her so bad, but obviously, he couldn’t do that. He wondered what she wrote to get her account verified and accepted to the Sneeze Fetish Forum. On the user register page, they made the “Why I want to join” section mandatory. He hadn’t remembered what exactly he wrote; maybe it was something about finding girls sneezing cute. Typical answer.

Did that mean Elva found men sneezing attractive?

Jasper closed the forum and opened Tumblr. His URL was a randomly generated one. He changed it to flamealchemist. In all honesty, he started this blog for attention. He posted allergy and hayfever wavs, consisting of him hitching and sneezing. Sneeze kink Tumblr, or Snzblr, was primarily dominated by women. They would flood his notes, reply with emojis and “bless you”s, and send him asks after someone in his comments section requested that he enable them and turn on anon. A few years ago, that used to excite him, but these days, his blog was mostly dead, and the praise just felt like noise.

He scrolled through old notes.

“bless you omg”

“that was hot ngl”

“Are you single??”

It no longer excited him because he only wanted Elva, and he’s been trying for a few years. It was hard because they didn’t go to the same university, and he kept thinking about how he wished he’d done it during the summer after graduation.

But now he planned to be active on that blog again. Because the idea of Elva potentially stumbling across it excited him. And maybe, if Elva read into the username flamealchemist, she’d figure out that it was him, and that she didn’t need to be afraid or hide her weird fetish, and maybe he could finally tell her how he feels, especially now that they have this.

This was stupidly risky.

He reopened the forum and logged in again to look at Wisteriuh’s whereabouts. She was now viewing a thread titled “How do you get over how embarrassing it is?”.

He clicked on the thread. It was about being too shy to sneeze in public, and some of the comments discussed how terrifying it was to eventually reveal their kink to a significant other.

He unscrewed the cap of his water bottle and took a large sip.

This could really be Elva because her online activity seemed to align with the events that happened in the car. Or maybe he was deluding himself.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair and gripped it, trying to think. He went back to Tumblr and searched wisteriuh. Sure enough, he found her blog. He looked through her top posts. Most of them were sneeze kink writing prompts or scenarios. Some of them had over a hundred notes, but he’d never seen her stuff cross his dash.

The writing seemed like Elva. He couldn’t pinpoint what, but it just felt like her.

He scanned her reblogs. She liked colds, flus, and fevers. She was a fan of vulnerability, he guessed. A lot of it was concerned with people trying to hide an illness or failing to.

And his blog? It was full of allergy recordings and answers to asks from horny women and reblogs of other people’s wavs with his own equally horny comments. He quickly deleted them now that he was going to lure Elva to his blog.

He leaned back in his chair and glanced toward the ceiling, looking for a sign from the heavens, wondering how the hell he was going to play this without blowing it. If this was actually Elva— his Elvie…

Was Jasper surprised at this secret of hers? He wasn't sure. Maybe his internal reaction was influenced by the fact that he had the kink too. Maybe excitement overpowered the feeling of surprise. However, he knew this was a very delicate situation.

In real life, his efforts had never landed quite right. In his junior year of high school, he tried things that attracted past girlfriends, such as physical touch. The purpose of it was to give Elva a hint about his crush on her. But her reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. She’d gone stiff as if he’d done something violating, and then she'd avoided speaking to him for weeks until things went back to normal again. Even after that, they never addressed it.

Jasper had backed off fast, realizing that she wasn’t used to that sort of touch in the way he was. All those little casual gestures he made with other girls he dated must’ve come across differently to her. The thought of Elva responding badly to his touch and thinking he was trying to do something harmful haunted him. Since then, he’s been afraid to touch her.

He read her Tumblr bio carefully. It was the basic “kink blog, minors dni” type of thing. She didn’t seem to be into allergies or hayfever, but she did like sneezing. He never recalled seeing a like from Wisteriuh on any of his posts, so she must not have seen his recordings or care to click on them because they didn’t seem to be her taste.

He liked and reblogged a few of her posts to give himself an excuse to drop something in her asks.

“You make illness sound poetic. Are you a writer outside Tumblr?”

Was that safe enough not to spook her? Knowing Elva, she wouldn’t reply to strangers, let alone men on the Internet.

Right now, he planned to get close to Ms. Wisteriuh one post at a time until she figured out it was him. Jasper closed his laptop and flopped onto his bed with his phone. He logged into the Tumblr app and then browsed through his voice recordings to see if he had anything that wasn’t allergy fits.

“april_hayfever.mp3”

“feb_flareup.mp3”

“dustybookshelf_june20.mp3”

“imdyingmancold.mp3”

At first, he’d been meticulous about naming and saving them because he cared about organization and the fact that someone would find his predicament attractive. He was glad he didn’t delete the man cold one. That was a cold from a particularly rough winter semester in his freshman year of college. He’d been juggling so many activities on top of his rigorous degree program that he’d run himself thin, whether he liked to admit it or not.

He tapped on the recording.

“Hhh—Hh’tsch’h- HIHSSHIEWW!! Snrrkk.”

Jasper winced. And cringed. But then he smiled. It was probably the right amount of disgusting for Ms. Wisteriuh, who was a “coldfucker” (her words).

He uploaded the recording to his drafts, thinking of the appropriate tags to use. He’d never uploaded a cold wav before, so he was going to do some research. Re: Stalk Wisteriuh’s blog.

Elva—yes, he was going to assume this was Elva—had reblogged a few wavs. None of them were male wavs, which was a relief to his ego.

He scrolled further and stumbled across an original post.

“imagine character A sitting in a quiet library with a head cold. they’re typing on their laptop and rubbing their nose on their sleeve. character B next to them snaps after their repetitive sniffling. ‘you’re so annoying’, they say and turn away, face red. B isn’t actually annoyed but trying to hide their blush and ignore the way their stomach pools with heat.”

Elva… Was she writing about him?!

In their junior year of high school, they had a computer lab in the last period. He’d been sick; his head was clogged, his nose was running, he’d been sneezy as hell and kept sniffling because he’d forgotten tissues. Elva had sat next to him, typing with visible annoyance. At one point, she'd muttered, “You’re so annoying”, but her ears were weirdly pink.

He remembered feeling crushed and embarrassed. Back then, he didn’t realize he liked it when someone noticed—not in the way Elva supposedly did. Well, back then, he didn’t know she could’ve secretly found it attractive. And he hid his massive crush on her with jests and teasing.

Had Elva secretly liked him then?

Maybe she hadn’t been “rejecting” him after all. Maybe she’d just misunderstood.

Jasper went back to his drafts and entered all the appropriate tags in no particular order: #snzblr, #snz kink, #head cold, #snz wav, #snz audio, #sick sneezing, #sneezy cold, #coldfucker. He hoped this would reach Elva’s Snzblr dash.

[imdyingmancold.mp3]

Caption: “Some sniffles from last winter. I was really sick during finals 😷”

Chapter Text

Elva's POV

Elva was curled up in bed in her tiny dorm room. She didn’t mind the lack of space if it meant that she had her privacy. The lights were off, and the only source of light was the screen on her phone.

Her mind had been spiraling all evening. Every time she tried to do something to distract herself, like doom-scrolling, that little voice in her head would scream, “Jasper saw, you idiot. He saw the URL!”.

She muffled a frustrated groan into her pillow.

It was no use overthinking. She had no way to confirm if he saw it or not, and even if he did, she didn’t want to bring it up and subject herself to Jasper's teasing. Giving him the biggest benefit of the doubt, she’d kept telling herself he probably forgot it after Evana came back to the car and he got distracted with videos on his phone. Plus, even if he had seen it, there was no way he would have recognized the site or had the night vision strong enough to properly read it.

Elva was on the aromantic-asexual or aroace spectrum. She didn’t get sexually aroused over anything except for this strange sneeze kink and cold fetish. She wouldn’t even know where to begin if she had a conversation with, say, God, about it. That is… if a higher power wanted to hear about her being turned on by phrases and descriptions of someone ill and sneezing. But it wasn’t just the arousal she liked. There was something comforting about this weird fetish and the community that came along with it. She’d never met so many people who identified with the same sexual identity as her, and she’d never met so many people who were also germaphobes despite liking the idea of sickness and contagion. She felt seen.

She snuggled further into her blanket and opened Tumblr.

Although she liked the community, she wasn’t exactly open to making friends. 1. She was shy, and 2. it took a lot to get her to open up. She didn’t interact much aside from leaving comments in the form of tags on posts she’d reblog. Sometimes she shared her thoughts if she felt like she had something interesting or universally relatable to say. She placed a pillow between her legs, scrolling through post after post, looking for something that would give her some relief. However, it just gave her the adverse effect, only making her more anxious to touch herself because of that stupid car incident.

She noticed a few of her favorite sneeze blogs reblogging the same wav.

coldmeds 🔁 flamealchemist

snzycat 🔁 flamealchemist

flu182 🔁 flamealchemist

Huh. She’d never seen this blog before. She clicked on it to check if it was new. Apparently, the user had been around for a while. They—he—didn’t bother personalizing the page. 

M21 | Allergic to dust, pollen, and flowers 🤧 Minors, do not interact

Allergies weren’t really her thing.

She scrolled back to his latest wav that was quickly gaining traction.

“Some sniffles from last winter. I was really sick during finals 😷”

Out of curiosity, she pressed the play button.

“Hhh—Hh’tsch’h- HIHSSHIEWW!! Snrrkk. kgh! kgh!”

Elva felt a tingling sensation. She liked it. She liked it a lot.

He didn’t make any exaggerated “guh”s or “ugh”s or force a low voice, which usually turned her off male wavs. She liked and reblogged it without adding any tags. She’d come back to this one in the future.

She jolted straight in bed when Flamealchemist’s page refreshed and a few asks popped up.

The asks were from women, and he seemed polite, if not a little flirty. His replies were funny. This guy was self-aware enough to joke about himself sounding “pathetic” and how he had “war flashbacks from this audio”. She found herself smiling at her screen. It’d been a long time since she’d felt butterflies from listening to a guy sneeze. Most of the time, she stuck to writing or reading fanfiction, especially stuff with fictional men who weren’t real enough to be disappointing.

Elva sat up for a moment to grab her earphones and plug them into her phone so she could listen to the whole thing. Her legs tightened around her pillow, and her breath shallowed.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper leapt out of bed and punched his fist into the air when he saw the notification.

wisteriuh liked your post

wisteriuh reblogged your post

Yes— YES!

He clicked on her reblog and then noticed the post underneath it. It was posted around the same time he sent his wav out into the wild.

“vent”

That was all it said, but in the tags she wrote, “i hate when i do something dumb and now i can’t stop overthinking and spiraling. but it’s fine i’m fine 🫠”

This definitely had to be Elva. The tone, the self-deprecation. There was one like on the post, and two comments from what he assumed to be her mutuals offering support. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to force a sniffle like the jerk he was and blame it on Evana’s car being dusty. It was fun poking fun at her, though.

She didn’t know he was Flamealchemist yet, but now there was a clear window to interact with her because she had interacted with his post.

He had to be careful.

Elva wouldn’t chat with strange men online. She barely talked to men in real life unless they were relatives, professors, cashiers, or him. Her blog had asks and anon on, but only mutuals could reply to her posts or DM.

He did send her an ask earlier, but that was on anon. She hadn’t replied to it either. This was tough. He didn’t want to say anything that could make her defensive or directly suggest who he was. Jasper hoped she would find that out herself over time. He was an impatient man, but for her, he could wait.

Jasper wasn’t one to overthink text messages, but he was afraid Elva would block him in a heartbeat out of pure, ice-cold panic. After all, she’d just interacted with his post. But he had to try.

He pressed the “ask me anything” button and typed:

flamealchemist:

I relate to Character A in your library scenario post. “Annoying”, huh? Who hurt you lol

He smirked. Too much?

He backspaced. Okay, Jaz, no playing around this time.

Jasper scrolled through her blog and skimmed through a Trigun ficlet she wrote. He paused and stopped skimming once he got past the Vash sneezing moments, then went through it more carefully after realizing it was actually kind of interesting. Now that he thought about it, Elva had never shown him her writing before. School essays and homework didn’t count.

flamealchemist:

You have a way with words. You’re a Trigun fan? Your characterization of Wolfwood was spot on. I liked how you described the atmosphere of No Man’s Land. I could picture it vividly. Don’t stop writing!

He didn’t know she’d written fanfiction. Maybe she’d mentioned it to him, but he didn’t frequent those spaces. He and Elva watched Trigun (1998) together last winter. She was very outspoken about having a crush on Vash, but fictional crushes didn’t count as real crushes. And Jasper was surely not jealous of a fictional man. Really. He was endeared by how outspoken Elva was about it (maybe he was a bit jealous).

Send.

There. Done and dusted. Now all that was left to do was wait for her next move.

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

Just as Elva was about to come, she saw a pop-up notification of an ask in her inbox. She grunted and stretched her legs, pretending like she wasn’t just in the middle of getting off to the sounds of wet sniffling. Normally, she would be happy about receiving asks, but maybe not when she was in the middle of a climax.

The ask was off anon, which was rare because most people preferred to be unidentified. She did. She was still shy and reserved, even with the guise of online anonymity.

The message was from Flamealchemist, the guy whose miserable sounds of illness she was just jacking off to.

flamealchemist:

You have a way with words. You’re a Trigun fan? Your characterization of Wolfwood was spot on. I liked how you described the atmosphere of No Man’s Land. I could picture it vividly. Don’t stop writing!

Her Trigun fic of all things?? Who the hell was this guy?!

Elva lightly slapped her cheeks. She shouldn’t be developing crushes on strange men from the Tumblr kink sphere, let alone some guy she didn’t even know existed until today.

Still, she replied to the ask because she was flattered by the compliment. She didn’t think her writing was very good, but then again, she’d made her post unrebloggable, making her audience limited to the people who followed her blog. But then she thought, what if this is a ploy and he’s trying to flirt? After the events today, she decided that she would just take the compliment. And maybe humor this guy a bit.

flamealchemist:

You have a way with words. You’re a Trigun fan? Your characterization of Wolfwood was spot on. I liked how you described the atmosphere of No Man’s Land. I could picture it vividly. Don’t stop writing!

|| thank you so much, this made my night! 🥹

She hit post, tucked her phone under her pillow because she was scared, and then pulled it back out because the gravitational pull of curiosity was stronger than that of shyness.

Flamealchemist had liked her reply and followed her quickly after.

That was fast…

She bit her lip.

After a few minutes of indecision, she followed him back. Now they were mutuals.

What on Earth was she doing?

“Get a grip,” she muttered to herself before hovering her thumb over the block button.

No. She didn’t have to soft-block him yet. Unless he started presenting himself as a threat, then she would.

Elva went back to his blog and checked his bio. He’s 21. There was no harm in this. Maybe, if Jasper was never going to confess, she should allow herself to be open to other people. Just like he has dated other girls. He was probably going to date someone new at his university.

Her screen flashed with a private message.

flamealchemist: hey, i hope it’s okay to message. i really liked your writing

Elva stared at the notification. What a weird thing to say… Did he actually?

She typed carefully.

wisteriuh: hi! thank you. and it’s okay. i’m just not used to people messaging me here.

flamealchemist: ah, sorry! i get that. i’ll back off if you’d like

She frowned. He was polite.

wisteriuh: no, it’s okay. i think i’d like to talk

Send.

Her heart thumped unevenly. She was ready to block this guy if he even dared to start getting weird.

***

Jasper’s POV

He was in so much trouble.

Elva was bolder online. He started to wonder if this was even her or some online sneeze fetishist that was eerily similar to Elva.

flamealchemist: seems like you find a lot of comfort in writing this stuff

He'd texted in reference to a post of hers about a character in the early stages of a cold making themselves soup as they slowly realized they were getting worse. That sore throat, pre-stuffy nose stage.

flamealchemist: the bowl of soup is the main character. character a, b, c, d, e (don’t make me recite the whole alphabet) go home

wisteriuh: finally, some narrative justice. hot soup >>>>>> hot men

flamealchemist: devastating… but fair

wisteriuh: 😹

Another post of hers wasn’t fetish-related, but it left an impression on him because he didn’t think Elva thought about these things. It was a vague post about wanting to curl up under a weighted blanket, and in her tags, she said something about how she wouldn’t mind it with a boy who appreciated silence. Who is Elvie?? Do I have competition I don’t know about???

He needed to act fast. But carefully.

In real life, the Elva he knew was kind of prickly. She didn’t seem to like physical touch. She would give people hugs, but she wasn’t a touchy person and was shy about affection. Here in his DMs, she seemed to be warmer, sassier, and open to chatting like this. 

flamealchemist: Okay, catgirl. I have a question

wisteriuh: shoot

flamealchemist: does your sick soup character have someone to take care of them behind the scenes? i propose a character b who would make them tea 😊

She replied 10 minutes later.

wisteriuh: only if this character b knows how to use a kettle. i’m not a fan of microwaved beverages

That made him snort.

flamealchemist: what kind of savage..? anyway, not to brag (totally bragging), but i make a mean mug of honey lemon tea

wisteriuh: careful, mustang. if i didn’t know any better, that sounded like a proposal. kidding 😹😹

Jasper blushed. Online, Elva was clever and playful and honest, and he could say things without worrying whether she was going to be hurt or weirded out if he flirted with her. She didn’t seem to suspect it was him yet.

It was reckless and risky, but he didn’t stop sending her messages. They continued the conversation... and flirt he did. Flamealchemist could keep this up without worrying about overstepping the unspoken boundaries that came with 16 years of best-friendship. He felt like he was flying and getting high off the thrill of this new intimacy with Elva.

She was more open than he ever thought she was capable of being.

wisteriuh: btw, your cold wav is my new favorite

Jasper grinned like an idiot.

Online Elvie is fun. And I think she likes me.

—

He stayed up all night chatting with Wisteriuh.

By the time he’d started to feel sleepy, the sun had already come up. He told himself he would take a quick nap, but it turned into a 4-hour rest. He slept through his alarm and his dormmate banging on the door telling him to turn it off.

What properly woke him up was the third missed call from Elva.

He swore loudly and launched himself out of bed.

They were supposed to go to the park. They had a whole afternoon planned. She was going to pack snacks, and they were going to feed the ducks.

This was dangerous. Not the missing plans—Elva would forgive that. But he was not missing any plans. It was the fact that he was going to be late. That would undoubtedly garner suspicion because he was never late. He hoped he didn’t accidentally reveal himself last night because this was all so incredibly reckless.

He checked his text messages, bracing himself for any accusation from Elva about Tumblr and fetishes.

5 unread messages

Elva: you’re still coming, right?

Elva: train leaves in 20

Elva: jaz

Elva: it’s okay if you’re sick. just tell me

Elva: i’ll bring snacks in case you’re still coming

He rubbed his hands over his face and then texted: “I’m so sorry. I stayed up trying to compile Zen and I’s program. It was my fault for wanting to be the compiler because my script is causing trouble and clashing with his. Still wanna go?”

It was partially true, but he’d found the solution on StackOverflow and let his partner take the reins so he could chat with Wisteriuh all night. He’d never admit this hubris to anyone but her.

Elva replied three seconds later.

Elva: it’s alright. are you okay?

Of course, she would ask. He replied:

Jasper: Yes. Meet you at the station

—

Jasper was thankful he was athletic. He managed to make it to the station in ten minutes, with several to spare. Sweat was trickling down his forehead, and he was panting heavily.

“I overslept,” he explained to Elva, who was sitting on the bench with her backpack, a small bag of Lays, and a water bottle in her lap, “Zen trusted me way too much with our project— I couldn’t run the program when I added my part.”

“Why didn’t you show me the bug?” she asked.

Because I was busy chatting with you on Tumblr.

“I didn’t want to bother you at 2 A.M., and we needed the program done by today.”

He proceeded to ramble about how he lost track of time, how he wanted to take a nap but slept through his five alarms, and angered his roommate.

“Okay.” She just nodded. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

The rest of the day resumed in typical fashion.

He carried her water bottle even though it fit in her backpack. She let him have half her Lays even though it was a small bag, and she claimed to be really hungry. They debated on which route to the big park was faster, the train or the bus. She elbowed him in the ribs when he made her laugh, and she almost sprayed water onto the train handrail. Later, when they got off, he made sure to stay on the car-facing side of the sidewalk and the street whenever they crossed.

Nothing had changed after last night, but now he watched her more closely. Now he knew there was a version of her online who thought his online persona—him, basically—was cute. And she seemed open to… Well, he couldn’t really vouch for that yet.

***

Elva’s POV

She was at the park with Jasper, sitting on a picnic mat under a tree that provided the perfect amount of shade against the hot summer sun. They were here with Evana yesterday, but that was a spontaneous plan. She and Jasper had already planned this outing for weeks.

Jasper was lying on his back beside her, one leg crossed over the other, rambling about something. She was trying to listen, she really was, but the sound of his voice was quickly being drowned out by her distracting thoughts.

Her eyes kept darting to her phone on the mat. In case Flamealchemist messaged.

She had spent the whole night texting this stranger online. He reminded her of Jasper, except the man in her phone was more direct and honest. He told her how her words made him smile, how he admired the way she thought— She shook her head. This was ridiculous.

“What?” Jasper asked. “Disagree with my stance on a 24-hour library? Because after last night’s coding problem, I would’ve really benefitted from Zen and I working on it together somewhere in person.”

Elva paused, blushing. “No, uh… Nothing, just a fly.”

“Okay.”

She was so stupid. She wasn’t going to fall for a man she quite literally met last night. No, she hadn’t even met him. He was an online stranger for goodness’ sake!

What made all of this worse was that she knew Jasper liked her.

She felt bad because she didn’t know what to do with that. He wasn’t confessing, and she didn’t know if she wanted—

“Elvie,” Jasper’s voice cut in, smug. “You’re spacing out. What, dreaming about some guy?”

She blushed again, but harder this time, startled and immediately defensive.

“You are SO annoying," she growled.

He grinned like he lived to be punched. “What?”

She elbowed him in the stomach. He yelped and dramatically rolled off the mat onto the grass as if she'd mortally wounded him.

She smiled despite herself.

Ugh.

She was NOT going to admit anything first. Jasper was the one who started the whole crush thing. He was the one who started the prolonged glances and said things that made her heart flutter. In the same vein, he would laugh like he was just messing with her, and none of it was supposed to mean anything.

He never said anything, and these days, the suspense and unknowing of it all began to create a small gaping hole in her chest. Was it that hard to just say something?

It wasn’t like he was new to this. He's dated before. He’s been with girls who wore winged eyeliner and heels and had easy smiles and didn’t have a reputation of being a quiet, unapproachable person like her. Jasper never made her feel like she was a hard person to talk to until she became aware of this stupid crush. Plus, she’d never dated in her life, which was fine, but it still made her feel insecure.

Sometimes, she’d want to hold his hand, because they’ve been doing that since they were children. However, it worried her. What if Jasper liked her but not in the way she wanted? What if he just wanted a warm body? Or someone quick and accessible to lust for? No— He would never. She didn’t want to think about it.

But then he’d offer to carry her bag or tie her shoelace, and it wasn’t gross or confusing. It was just Jasper. Her best friend and her safe place since they were five.

If she misread everything, Elva didn’t think she could survive that. Because the part of her that searched and longed for the truth had turned into an influential force that was making her realize she wanted something more, and she had only ever wanted this with him.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper had to fight tooth and nail not to get too smug over the fact that he’d confirmed Elva did think he was handsome.

He’d done some more digging with the power of quotation marks and a narrowed-down internet search and found some Sneeze Fetish Forum off-topic posts of Wisteriuh saying she liked brunets with floppy hair. She also added onto someone’s comments, naming the cologne he used and what type of shirts she liked on guys. He was knee-deep in delusion and liked to think that was him. Perhaps that explained why she’d look at him for longer periods when he wore that blue button-down, or why she’d sometimes lean closer when he wore cologne.

She’s never explicitly told him she liked these things. He smiled to himself. His Elvie would rather burst into flames than confess anything that involved attraction toward him.

He logged in on Tumblr again that night to see if she was online and maybe chat a bit. But first… he couldn’t help himself. He went to the internet browser to stalk Wisteriuh on the forum because he clearly wasn’t done with that.

It was fun poking around this secret part of Elva. It was equal parts mortifying and exhilarating, like reading a diary—not that he would ever read her diary. One of Wisteriuh's older posts on the forum mentioned a "best friend who has a really nice nose" (”Is it weird that I think my best friend has a really nice nose?”). Jasper threw his phone across the room. It was fine, the floor was carpeted.

“Okay,” he said, pep-talking himself, “Okay. Don’t be weird about it.”

He pushed himself up and out of bed, picked up his phone, and went back to reading.

Chapter Text

...Timeskip...

Jasper’s POV

Jasper couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy to be sick.

His throat was sore, his nose was stuffy, and he’d been sneezing so much that his dormmate kept banging on his door for him to be quieter. What? He couldn’t help it (and definitely did not think of himself as “hot” every time he exaggerated the sound—but he really did have to sneeze).

Getting sick after a hectic week packed with studying, assignments, student council-led programs, and leadership conferences was practically routine by now. He probably got sick from the habit of biting his nails when he was stressed, and on top of sleeping four or fewer hours a day, his immune system had officially thrown in the towel.

He rubbed his nose on his sleeve and grinned like an idiot. His hand motioned for his phone beside his pillow, and he opened the voice recording app.

He hadn’t seen Elva in weeks. Their schedules refused to line up with his university chewing him alive the week before finals, and hers doing about the same thing. At least summer break was only two weeks away. The last time he had seen her, she scowled at him like he was the worst thing to happen to humanity because he’d taken too large a bite from her ice cream. It was bad timing; she was craving it and on her period.

Elva—Wisteriuh—had a thing for cold-ridden, sneezy men. And Jasper, at this very moment, could deliver that with frightening precision.

He sniffled wetly, dragging the same battered tissue he’d been using for the past twenty minutes under his nose, and then pressed the record button on his phone.

“Hhrashh’iuhh!” he started, the tissue being enough to trigger that itchy, tingly sensation that almost always ended with him sneezing.

He grabbed a fresh tissue from the box sitting precariously on the edge of his bed after drenching the current one. He grabbed a few more for good measure, his phone recording the sounds of him pulling them out in quick succession like shwip, shiwp, shiwp.

Oh, this is going to be big…

Touching the corner of the tissue to his damp, sensitive nose, his breath hitched again—

“h-huh-snff.”

C’mon…

He layered the tissues, twirled them together, and began inducing.

“hhiHH— HITSHH’IHH! HITSHHIEWW!!”

The intensity of the sneeze caused his nose to run profusely, but it was all part of the plan because now he could get some high-quality recordings of his congestion for his Elvie slash Miss Wisteriuh, who liked listening to all things gross and nasty. Jasper was the allergies guy for a reason, but for her, he was willing to bend his niche.

He had almost considered doing a “talkie”, which was essentially talking with an audibly stuffed-up voice, but that would give him away. Instead, he just continued sniffling, coaxing out more sneezes, and letting out a cough or two.

Once it reached slightly past the one-minute mark, he saved the audio as “mancold2”, uploaded it to Tumblr, and curled up under his blanket, flushed and feverish, and very excited for a reply.

—

He’d woken an hour later from a nap, feeling about the same as earlier (which wasn’t a problem because then he could continue inducing himself and getting recordings for Elva). He opened Tumblr on his phone to find 50 notes on his wav already. It was unsurprising considering he had close to a thousand followers, but it was a personal record for interactions on a post. His previous and first cold wav had surpassed the amount of likes and reblogs he’d gotten on his most popular allergy wav. But it only made him smile when he saw that Miss Wisteriuh had liked and reblogged it.

He checked his inbox.

anonymous: mustang are you okay?? bless you and feel better <3

flowerbedhaze: Did you switch your niche to colds? I love this sm you sound so ill 🤧

anonymous: Omg I'm kinda jealous at how sneezy you get when you have a cold. That nose blow at the end?? 🥵 Petition for more sickboy content

Jasper grinned, scrolling through all the asks while hugging his blanket to his chest. Besides the asks and comments, there were DMs asking about his new “niche” or if he was feeling alright.

But this wasn’t a niche shift. He still thought of himself as the allergies/hayfever guy. This wasn’t ordinary content. It wasn’t even for them. It was for the girl who held so much shame over her fetish that he was afraid that any wrong move would lead to her blocking him or deleting her entire blog. It was all for Elvie.

***

Elva’s POV

Her bedroom door was locked, and the curtains were drawn. Her dormmates were right outside, and no one knew what she was doing. No one knew that she was lying in bed, earbuds in, and listening to the congested sounds of a stranger sniffling and sneezing into a mic, all while pleasuring herself and trying to time her climax for the “best parts”.

It was Flamealchemist’s new wav.

She felt aroused… and pathetic. She was starting to develop a serious crush on this person, not just for the wavs, but because she genuinely liked chatting with him. The hot noises he was making were just a bonus.

And… he seemed to really like her back.

She strictly never told anyone in real life. There was no one she could talk to about this, and even if there were, she wouldn’t know where to begin. What would she even say? “Hey, this popular guy on sneeze kink Tumblr has an objectively hot sneeze, and he likes my kink writing.” She would rather die.

None of her closest girl friends would get it. She’d told them she was aromantic-asexual, but left out the part about how the only thing that made her feel arousal was… this. She didn’t have a favorite male sneezer until Flamealchemist, whose stuffy sounds of congestion would make her thighs clench tight around her poor pillow. The way his tenor voice could be heard in his sneezes and how they would be made softer and duller with a cold…

This guy sounded like he knew he was attractive, judging by the replies to asks on his blog for his allergy wavs, but for the only two cold wavs he’s posted, he sounded like he didn’t want to gross anyone out too much. She didn't care for the conservatism because colds weren't his thing anyway. But, Elva’s favorite was the gross sniffling and nose-blowing. God, he sounded so attractive. And… familiar in a way she couldn’t quite place.

Elva would be lying if she claimed she hadn’t wondered what he looked like. She would never ask because that would break the illusion, and it was safer to stay in her little corner of the internet and just keep this guy around as a friend.

Who was this guy, anyway, being offline for weeks and then returning with an MP3 just as she’d been feeling stressed with school and horny? She listened to “mancold2” three times already, telling herself it was just for research, but by the second time, she’d jerked her vagina hard against her pillow, and when it looped for the third time and her hand slid between her thighs, she didn’t bother pretending anymore.

Elva almost listened to it for the fourth time, but then she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror on her bedside table. She could see her legs twisted into that guilty position and decided that maybe that was enough.

She was going to log out of Tumblr and clean up for the night, but then:

flamealchemist: hey wis, u up? my cold’s worse

Her breath hitched. She was so, so up.

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

When Elva woke up the next day, it was 9 AM. She turned off her alarm and opened Tumblr. There were a few new messages from Flamealchemist.

flamealchemist: morning. i’m officially confined to my room today. roommate gave me strict orders not to throw my tissues in the main trash can

flamealchemist: he’s worried about catching it, but it’s not like he’ll be digging his hands through our trash and touching that crap

She typed, “How’s your cold now? Worse than yesterday?”. She hovered her thumb over the send button with great deliberation. Why did genuine concern feel like a confession? It wasn’t a confession of anything at all, yet her hands felt trembly and her face felt hot as she pressed send.

Flamealchemist replied quickly.

flamealchemist: Kind of miserable tbh. My voice is hoarse from coughing all night and I’ve been so congested. Do you get sick often?

Elva thought for a moment.

wisteriuh: not really

flamealchemist: strong immune system?

wisteriuh: maybe. i’m pretty careful. you said you were coughing all night. did your cold move to your chest?

flamealchemist: i don’t think so. it’s still mostly in my head. and it’s not the crunchy kind of cough

wisteriuh: crunchy?? not a fan of that description

She didn’t plan to talk about herself, but she added:

wisteriuh: im actually kind of a germaphobe… but i’m into this stuff. how does that work

flamealchemist: Two things can be true at once

Elva sighed and tucked her phone against her chest. It was hard living with all these contradictions in her head. She hated being sick, hated being seen sick, and hated when people around her were coughing and sneezing everywhere, but spent a lot of her nights listening to people snuffle and sneeze through her earbuds.

“h’tSCH!”

Her eyes darted to her bedroom door. She’d almost forgotten that her dormmates had been passing a cold around. It made her feel even more ashamed of indulging in her cold fetish, and she felt guilty for being irked at other people for being ill within her vicinity.

There was a message notification on her phone.

Jasper:

Vie. . .. Im dying ☹️🤒

***

Jasper’s POV

He was definitely going to hell.

Jasper wasn’t sure what possessed him to text Elva right after reading her distressed texts as Wisteriuh. He could imagine the kind of panic that ensued after getting a normal text from your best friend about being sick, and just having a conversation about your illness fetish. He was a horrible person.

His phone screen lit up as Elva replied to his text.

Elva: are you okay? i’ll bring you a care package. DON’T say you’ll tough it out

He grinned and clicked the message notification.

Jasper: Elvie, you godsend. I actually just ran out of medicine

Elva is typing…

Elva: are you well enough to leave your room? i can have someone bring it to you

Jasper: I’m not an invalid. See you at Blue Cafe

Elva then replied, saying it would be better if she just handed him the care package and he went back up to his dorm to rest, but he argued back, saying that they could grab tea, which was good for his health. She won the argument by telling him that the queue would be long and he’d end up coughing and infecting everyone in the area because of how terrible he was at covering. She wasn’t wrong, but he truly didn’t mean to be a vector for disease like that—sometimes sneezes just snuck up on him.

Later, he managed to inch out of his room without too much of a lecture from his dormmate and slipped out the front door, making his way to the outdoor recreational area by the building.

Elva was standing by a lamp post with a bag filled with supplies and a cup of tea to go from Blue Cafe.

“Elvie,” he rasped, smiling.

“Hi,” she replied, concern etched all over her face. “Are you okay?”

“No. I barely got a wink of sleep last night because I couldn’t stop coughing.”

She nodded, turning away a bit as if she was embarrassed about something. Jasper had an idea of what that was, and as much as he enjoyed throwing this cool cat off, he wasn’t going to psychologically torture her.

“You’re not still mad about the ice cream, are you?”

Elva shook her head. “You were a jerk for that, but I probably overreacted. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said simply, “If I were bleeding out while standing in the hot sun, I’d be mad that someone ate half of my crave food too.”

Elva gave him the softest smile and handed him his tea and care package.

“I hope you feel better and ace your finals tomorr—”

Jasper swiveled around in time to sneeze away from Elva.

“HHRASSH’IUHHH!”

“Jasper!” she yelped, taking a step back. “Seriously???”

He kept his hand cupped over his nose and mouth.

“Sniff. I’mb really sorry, Elvie. Thad ode snuck ub od— hhHTSSCHHmpfF!”

His hand felt extremely wet now.

Elva’s face was red, but he knew enough about her now to know that it wasn’t all over disgust and contempt for his sickly presence. He was simultaneously embarrassed and amused. It was terrible.

She grunted in annoyance as she fished through her cross-body bag for a tissue. She plucked five out furiously and gave them to him. A long time ago, he would’ve secretly felt sad at this sort of reaction from Elva, but he knew that she was red in the face not because she found him gross and totally undateable, but because she was dealing with a hundred layers of guilt and shame. Wisteriuh had told him all that, and he knew Elva was hard on herself, but even for this mostly harmless fetish of hers? He mentally shook his head out of sympathy.

He wordlessly took the tissues.

“You did that on purpose.”

“Whad?” he said, trying to position the tissues under his nose without removing the hand that was containing all the mess.

“You didn’t even cover your mouth the first time!”

“I said it— Give be a bobedt…” He blew his nose thickly. Elva winced.

“I don’t want to get sick…”

“Mmb... I ducked away!!”

“Still!!!”

Jasper mustered the most pitiful expression he could make with just his eyes. Removing the tissues was a risk when his nose was literally melting off his face.

Elva sighed and handed him the entire packet of tissues, mentioning that there was sanitizer in the care package. Her face kept getting redder by the moment.

“Sorry,” Elva started. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

She walked closer and pressed a hand to the side of his arm.

“Just… take it easy, okay?”

“It’s jusdt a cold, 'Vie.”

“I know… but remember that time they sent you to urgent care?”

“That was different…”

She rolled her eyes. “Still. Promise you’ll take it easy?”

“I probise,” he said, with a sniffle. Her sincere concern for his well-being wasn’t helping the longing in his heart. 

Elva stepped forward and, after a moment of hesitation, hugged him quickly.

“Get well soon, Jaz. I have to go.”

Jasper patted her back lightly, voice cracking. “Thanks, Elvie.”

The hug caught him off guard. It put him in a brief trance that left him standing outside even after she had long gone.

He sniffled and headed back to his dorm, thinking about it the whole way.

Chapter Text

…Timeskip…

Elva’s POV

Maybe chatting with Flamealchemist had made her careless. Perhaps it was karmic punishment from the universe for over-indulging in her gross fetish and telling a random man online that she found his illness attractive.

By the time her dormmates had finally recovered from their colds, she was sick.

Elva didn’t want to think about how she even caught this. She should’ve been safe, considering she didn’t have to share a room.

Elva didn’t consider herself a “people pleaser”, but when put in a people-pleasing situation, she would most definitely turn into one.

At the start of finals week, she offered her medicine stock to her dormmates, thinking she wouldn’t need it and they needed it more. She’d gone about her week finishing her exams, and then on the second week of finals and the day after her last exam, she’d woken up with a strange feeling in her throat.

Initially, she didn’t do anything about it because she couldn’t tell if it was a “getting sick” sore throat or just the kind of irritation she got from eating foods that dried her mouth. She did have peanut butter the night before. Then the next day, her body felt clammy, her lips were pale, and her nose felt oddly blocked, but there were no cold symptoms yet—she couldn’t remember what it was like to come down with one.

For a moment, she thought she'd developed adult allergies because of the reaffirming things she read online. She felt inclined to believe it because she didn’t want to believe all of this was caused by a virus.

On Thursday, she woke up sick.

Elva listened intently for any footsteps outside her room and then left to check the bathroom cabinet for the medicine and supplies she'd graciously lent to her dormmates.

Once she made it to the bathroom and opened the cabinet, she found that it was empty. Well… not exactly.

There was rubbish scattered on each of the shelves. No one bothered to throw away the used packets of medicine. Her small tub of Vicks had been wiped down to nothing and was recycled to house elastic bands. There weren’t even any tissues.

She gritted her teeth. How could she have been so stupid as to offer up her entire supply? She didn’t think they would use everything.

Elva threw the crumpled tissue from her pocket into the toilet bowl, doing her best not to get frustrated.

She reached for the toilet paper and tore off two squares. It was the cheap and scratchy kind of toilet paper. She swiped gently at her sensitive and irritated nose.

Just as she buried her nose into the tissues, the door creaked open.

Shit. She didn’t lock the door!

“Elva?” Cassie said as she peeked in.

Her dormmate stepped into the bathroom, looking at her curiously. She'd never felt so compromised in her entire life.

In that moment, her nose suddenly felt fuller than it did before Cassie appeared. She could feel the blood rushing through her head from embarrassment.

“You okay?” the straw-haired girl asked.

“Umb—” Elva bit her lip. She didn’t trust her voice to speak with all the phlegm building up in the back of her throat and the congestion in her sinuses.

She had no choice but to blow her nose as quietly as she could in front of Cassie.

Unfortunately, once she was done, she had to sneeze.

“Huhhh’tschMPf!” She managed to muffle the sound with the fresh toilet paper she readied in her other hand.

“HIH’TSHI’HtchH!”

The second sneeze completely caught her off guard, and although she still managed to cover it in time, it was louder than she was comfortable with. She wanted to disappear.

Cassie stepped forward and helped Elva flush the toilet, seeing her toss her used tissues in the bowl.

“Aww,” she said, “not feeling well? You sound like a sad little mouse.”

“I’mb fine,” Elva managed to answer. Another sneeze climbed up her throat. She caught it in the crook of her arm this time, but didn't manage to stifle it.

“HishhiewW!”

And then again.

“Uhh’ktsCHtt!”

Elva could feel her cheeks burning as her dormmate handed her the entire roll of toilet paper.

“Here, keep the whole thing,” Cassie said, amused. “No offense, but you sound like you need a priest. Bless you.”

She took the roll and bolted to her room. Tears were pricking her eyes. Her brain was making the run-in with her dormmate feel way more humiliating than it should be. She knew it was irrational to be ashamed of being sick, but she loathed showing any display of vulnerability.

Instead of crying, she locked her bedroom door and decided to record herself, post it to her Tumblr kink blog, and masturbate to the sounds of her own illness because she really needed something to distract her from being upset.

***

Jasper’s POV

It was becoming increasingly difficult to switch between Elva and Wisteriuh’s texts despite texting them—her—on two different platforms.

Wisteriuh had just uploaded a new wav. There were no tags or captions. Just an MP3 audio. There were no reblogs or likes on it yet. He, of course, had notifications on, so he was the first two notes.

The first ten seconds already had him gripping his sheets because the audio opened with a sneeze. It was soft and probably muted by her sleeve or a blanket. And then came the little sniffles, reminding him of a bunny rabbit. He’d somehow gone most of his life up till this point, never feeling turned on when Elva was sick in real life, because he didn’t dare to even think that way, but Elva (he was pretty sure it was Elva) sick on recording?

She ended the clip with a thick sniffle followed by a quiet, congested sigh. He felt his cheeks burn. A few sneezes, one cough, and a train of consecutive sniffling were enough to get him hard. She had him completely unraveled.

And then he received a text notification from Elva.

Elva: everyone in this dorm is snarky and loud and also smug because i finally caught the cold. it’s so annoying how they keep saying it over and over. i just had to leave my room to refill my water bottle 🙄 i hate it here but i don’t want to be oversensitive and tell them to stop teasing me like i know they’re just teasing me… it’s mostly cassie… but we’re not close, so you know

He typed:

Jasper: Do you want me to come over and have a word with her? Or give me her number instead, I’ll send a copypasta to scare her off

Jasper:   ̷̨̧̨̡̘͉̜̘̞͙͉̺̠͉̙̥̲̬̈́̅͝ ̷̢̡̧͔̪̼̮́́̒̄̋͛ ̴̢̨̡̧̢̣̯̭̣͚̣̳̖̗̤̘̩͖͎͆͑̇͒̐̄̀͂͋̏̋̀̈́̎̑͌̉͜͜͝͠͝ ̸̢̙̤͐̇̏́̋͑͊͘͜͝ ̴̧̩̈́͂̓́́͗͛͠͝͝ ̵̡̛̛̣̺̞̜̬͍̻͚̲̞͉͎̬̲͕̯̘̤͛̏̎̽̓͑̓̿̓̾̐̍̀̈́̊͗́̒̚͝ ̶͎̩̩͍͒̂̇̈́̂̈́͜͝ ̷̢̱̝͎̬̈́̓̏̌͂̉̏͆͋̿̿͋̃̃̈́̅̑͊͑͝ ̴̛̛̼̻̖̺̼͗̑̅͊̈̾̌̈́̆͑̉̊͆͠͠ ̶̻̺̫̟̗̠̉̌̀̉̌͛̄̈́̓̐͒̕ ̷̢̛͚͖̤̯͎̗̹̣̗̪̮̳̮̈́̓̽͂̔́̽̀̋̓́̉̀̇̂̈́̉̾͜͝͠ͅ ̶͙̣̫͍̘̺͔̋̈́̈́͆̀ ̴̺̥̫͇̻̝̗͎̣̲́̃̈́̀͆̓̃͊́͋͋̔̂͘̚̚͘͜͝͝ ̴̛͓͕̗̤̪͕̫͔̠͕̮͕͇̯̮͍͙̬͉͍̟͓̇͆̏̑́̀͐̃̊̌̿̇̽̓̊̊͋̕̚͝ ̷̡͈̺͙̫͕̳̦̰̞̝̼̟̍̋̃͗͐̂͐̄̎̎͑̚̚͠ ̶̰̤͕͍͉̼̥̪͍̖̤͓̼̼͕̿͊́̐

Elva: why do u have that

Before he could answer, the message changed.

Elva: 🤧🖕 (Edited 20:45)

Jasper: ELVIE!!

He laughed out loud.

Silliness aside, god. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to bring her medicine and her favorite lozenges, to adoringly tease her about her grumpiness, and then hold her until she forgot to be embarrassed about being sick.

Jasper: Wanna go on a pharmacy run tomorrow? I need to buy something for my allergies

Elva: okay. i think they’ll be out for their last final tmr. i don’t want to leave my room except to get food

—

Elva had expressed to him multiple times that she felt gross and disgusting.

Jasper stood outside the CVS, thinking about how he wanted her to know that whichever version of herself she was today, he loved her.

He was keeping that thought to himself, though.

Soon, Elva appeared, wearing fleece on a warm summer morning. The lower half of her face was obscured by a medical mask.

She pulled it down when he handed her a packet of tissues, remembering that she had told him earlier that she ran out of toilet paper.

Her nose was pink and a little red around the nostrils. He had to remind himself not to stare as she wiped it.

“Elva,” he said gently. “Did they seriously use everything?”

She nodded a bit guiltily, as if anticipating a lecture from him about having some self-respect. He was going to spare her this time.

“They used all of it,” she croaked. “Theodora said she dug out my Vicks to put it in her and Cassie’s steam vaporizer. I didn’t even know that was a thing…”

Jasper let out a horrified chuckle. “Savages.”

“They are,” she sniffled. “I really didn’t think they would use everything. I’ve been running errands for them for days—they’re not serious, but I hate it when they tease me for being the last one to get sick.”

He nodded, prompting her to continue.

She added. “They replaced my tea, at least. But with a brand I hate.”

Jasper laughed. “Unforgivable.”

He offered her an arm to hold and turned to open the CVS door. She hugged it tight when they stepped into the air-conditioned pharmacy.

“It’s kind of cold, isn’t it?” Elva complained under her breath.

“Yes, for a person wearing fleece in 80-degree weather, I would say it’s freezing in here.”

“Jaz.”

He grinned and shrugged. “You are dressed for the elements.”

“The AC is cold,” she argued.

“Want me to ask the staff to turn it up?”

Elva grunted, shooting him a glare, but it was hard to take her seriously when he could only see half of her face and her fever-shiny eyes.

Jasper followed Elva down the aisle, making unsolicited cold medicine recommendations. He was going to help her pick the stuff that actually worked. He put the medicine in the basket while she picked out her favorite lozenges and Vicks.

“Nasal spray and throat spray?” he asked before adding the items to their basket. Elva nodded.

She reached for the eucalyptus oil, then paused to cough into her sleeve.

“Elvie, you’re wearing a mask.”

“Mm.”

“You sound like a sad little duck,” he teased.

“I feel like a sad little duck,” Elva said without looking at him. “But this duck has a headache and a fever and hates being the sore thumb among four dormmates who were already established besties.”

Jasper added a box of tissues with lotion.

“Hey now…”

“It’s true. I am the sore thumb.” She gave a tiny huff and sniffled sadly. “Thanks for putting up with me through all these years.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

Elva turned away and walked further down the medicine aisle. She pulled out her phone, he assumed to check the time.

Seconds later, his phone, which was in their shopping basket, lit up.

It was a message from Wisteriuh.

wisteriuh: think i accidentally got turned on by the description on the back of a bottle of cold medicine i picked up at cvs

Jasper’s face felt hot. He managed to calm himself and appear completely nonchalant when Elva walked back to him.

“Let’s get you some juice, too. Sad duck needs vitamin C.”

“Sad duck will accept,” she croaked, already shuffling toward the fridge section.

He followed, head spinning.

***

Elva’s POV

She felt a pang of guilt somewhere in her chest. There was something about chatting with a stranger online that felt like cheating, even if it wasn’t, because Jasper had never confessed. They weren’t even together. So why was she feeling so guilty about texting Flamealchemist on an outing with her best friend? Best friend. He wasn’t even her boyfriend! So what if she wanted to send a quick message to her Tumblr mutual?

Jasper was crouched by the lower shelf, scanning labels like a man on a mission. He was looking for allergy relief medication. She watched as he stuck out his pointer finger and moved it across the rows of products.

While waiting, she pulled out her phone. Her thumb hovered over the Tumblr app. It was tempting to check for a reply from Flamealchemist.

She hesitated.

Flamealchemist was sweet. Attentive. He made her feel seen and didn’t judge her. And he told her in black and white that he liked her.

Maybe she’d have to wait another hundred years for Jasper to say something. Maybe he’d never say anything. Elva wasn’t going to be the one to say anything first because he started it.

She sighed and opened Tumblr only to log out of her kink blog and log back into her normal one. And then she slipped her phone back into her bag.

She looked down at Jasper, who instinctively looked back up at her.

“Elvie, look,” he said, showing her a small box, “Flonase.”

“You found it,” she replied hoarsely.

He beamed at her as if she'd just given him an award for completing Mission Impossible.

Her heart did a tiny flip. She had to pretend to look at Band-Aids to regulate her emotions.

***

Jasper’s POV

As he watched Elva from a few feet away as she paid, he started to wonder how long he was willing to wait and how long he could keep up this act as Flamealchemist.

Elva glared at the self-checkout when it made an annoyingly loud sound, announcing to the entire store that she had paid for her things. He sighed.

Had she seriously not figured it out yet? He thought he’d dropped enough hints for her to be able to catch on by now. Elva was very perceptive, except when it came to matters of his heart.

Because she hadn’t been showing any promising signs, he decided that it still wasn’t the right time to confess. He’d wait a thousand years if he had to. He didn’t want to push her into this and wanted her to come to him when she was ready.

At the same time, he was deathly afraid because he’d told Wisteriuh things he didn’t tell Elva in person. He was more vulnerable about how he felt about things with Wisteriuh. He was worried that Elva would see him differently. If he confessed now, she’d think it would be so out of the blue, and go quiet—not the kind of quiet she got around people she trusted, but the awkward and uncomfortable kind that made his stomach drop.

Elva walked over to him with her bag of supplies.

“You good?” she asked, noticing him staring.

He nodded vigorously. “Yeah. Yeah, just… ready when you are.”

Her shoulder bumped lightly into his arm as they stepped out of the store together.

Elva was so oblivious to the nerves he hid behind his steady self-assuredness.

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

The long hand of her alarm clock struck 9 P.M.

Elva had just finished putting the final touches on her luggage for her trip back home the next day. She made sure all her bags were ready by the door before retiring to her bed.

Packing while sick had worn her out quickly. She curled under the covers with a heat pack despite the warm summer night, and wore a hoodie over her pajamas. She always got really cold when she was sick. Her throat hurt less now, thanks to the throat spray, but her head was still foggy, her nose was stuffy, and everything felt hazy due to her low-grade fever.

The first thing she did was open Tumblr.

Wisteriuh had been quiet all day. Elva received a prompt reply from Flamealchemist in the middle of her pharmacy run with Jasper, her ever-protective best friend, who had no idea she was chatting with a strange man with an even stranger fetish on the Internet. She felt just as caught as she did when they were in Evana’s car, except Jasper was nowhere near her when she was texting her mutual—there was no way he could’ve caught her doing anything. She’d hastily logged out of Tumblr and ghosted Flamealchemist for the remaining time she spent out with him.

But right now, she was going to forget about that and check on her favorite Snzblr mutual.

She blinked blearily at her screen. There was a new audio from Flamealchemist.

allergies25.mp3

#allergies #sneezing #snzblr #snz audio #snzfucker #stifle fail

Elva had a neutral stance on allergies, but because it was him, she clicked play.

“Huhh-HhuhhH-HT’SCHNXTchh! H’KTSSCH’IEW!!”

The sniffle afterward sold it for her. Her phone was pressed directly against her ear since she was too lazy to get her earbuds, and the sound instantly ignited arousal. She wasn’t going to masturbate tonight, though.

She glanced at the caption.

[allergies25.mp3]

I think I’m allergic to something in the dorm carpet :(

God, why did he sound so endearing?

***

Jasper’s POV

It was finally summer break.

Jasper woke up early to head to the bus and go back home with Elva to their small midwestern town.

When he met her there, he opined that she was dressed way too warmly for the weather.

She didn’t say “hi”, just handed him her bag, like routine. He took it expectantly, and she slid into the window seat. By the time he finished putting their luggage in the overhead compartment and settled down, her head was already on his shoulder.

During the past few days, Wisteriuh had been telling him all about her cold (it’s a thing).

He’d been listening to her wav on repeat. Elva wouldn't like the thought of him getting hard to it—though some women he’d interacted with on Tumblr did like receiving those comments—so he didn't tell Wisteriuh anything remotely suggestive.

In the messaging app, he read Elva’s texts—long rants about how her dormmates were too loud, how she felt uncomfortable in her own skin (physically and metaphorically), and how she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. Wisteriuh had asked him if he’d ever induced himself with chhinkni. Elva had asked if she was selfish for hogging the bathroom to cry.

Now, here she was beside him, wrapped in a soft fleece cardigan in the middle of summer; sick, sleepy, and so full of trust that it made his heart burst. It terrified him—he didn’t want to lose all this if he confessed. Of all the girls he dated in the past, none of them could compare to this oblivious girl.

Elva shifted slightly and sniffled. Seeking comfort, her hand slipped into his, and he tightened it instinctively.

Wisteriuh had been borderline flirting with him. Elva, on the other hand, had been messaging him late at night to tell him how she hated feeling vulnerable around her dormmates and how she wished she could teleport home.

Wisteriuh made his pulse race, and Elvie made his heart ache. These weren’t two separate people; they were both Elva.

His cowardice was killing him inside.

***

Elva’s POV

She probably looked ridiculous wearing a light gray fleece cardigan in the kind of weather that made one sweat buckets. The brand of medical masks she bought at the pharmacy was somewhat tighter than she was used to, because the one she was wearing right now felt a little suffocating. She wasn’t going to take it off—she didn’t want to infect anyone in this air-conditioned bus. There was an elderly couple two seats ahead, a toddler somewhere behind, and Jasper—who’d reassured her that he wouldn’t catch anything because he already had a cold—but still, she wanted to be cautious.

She planned to pass the time by sleeping. Traveling with a cold made her prone to feeling grumpy and overstimulated, especially on long road trips. She was also the type to get headaches if she did so much as read in a moving vehicle. The best solution was to put herself in a cold medicine-induced coma and sleep the entire ride.

Jasper was keeping himself busy and productive as usual. A while ago, he had his earbuds in and was sketching something. Then the bus went over a speed bump, and he clicked his tongue when he accidentally drew an unsightly line across the page.

She sighed. There was no texting Flamealchemist with Jasper sitting right beside her.

What was she even doing chatting up strange men? She’d gotten way too comfortable discussing her cold fetish with this guy. It was reckless. But she was sick. Her brain didn’t work properly when she was sick.

She lifted her head from Jasper’s shoulder and leaned against the window. She rested her arm on the armrest, knocking into his elbow. He didn’t flinch or move away. Neither did she.

Eventually, he moved to grab her tote bag because she’d coughed once and needed water. She hadn’t even uttered a word to him to help. And then, he reached into his own bag to pull out a book to read. It was a second-hand copy of Crime and Punishment.

Jasper had always been so thoughtful. He took care of her in ways that didn’t make her feel coddled, and would make her feel less overwhelmed in a crowded room—or bus. And still she thought about the anonymous man she was talking to online. She’d never had to deal with “boy troubles” before. All of this was extremely distressing.

—

The bus pulled into a small roadside diner. There was a gas station nearby, but Elva didn’t want to think about it. She associated gas stations with her shame.

The driver announced a thirty-minute break. The other passengers began filing out in a disordered fashion. She and Jasper waited until the crowd was clear before standing up. Jasper moved first, and she followed behind sluggishly.

They chose a booth by the window. This pit stop was one of Elva’s favorite parts of road trips, the other being getting to listen to music and daydream along the ride. But today, she just felt so out of it. She didn’t complain out loud, but she was suddenly aware of how uncushioned diner seats were. She fidgeted in her seat, failing to get properly comfortable.

Jasper, who sat across from her, glanced in her direction for permission when the waiter came up to them. She nodded, and he ordered for both of them. He was having grilled cheese and fries, and he ordered her mushroom soup with garlic bread.

It dawned upon her that she’d been venting to him all week and didn’t even ask how he was doing.

When the waiter left, she cleared her throat and spoke for the first time in hours.

“How was your week?” she asked hoarsely.

Jasper had to lean in and ask her to repeat that.

“My week?” he mused. “Uh, chaotic. Nothing out of the ordinary, just finals and student council stuff. I haven’t slept properly since Tuesday. I think I forgot how to blink.”

She sniffled, but managed a grin, though Jasper couldn’t see it since it was hidden behind her mask.

“You?” he asked, even though he already knew.

She shrugged. “Everyone in my dorm was annoying me with their ‘concern’. I felt bad for secretly hating everyone in my head… It’s just that they were talking to me as if I were some sort of fragile thing.”

“Do they know that you can drive a four-wheel drive car? That’s pretty badass of you, Elvie.”

“Pfft,” she scoffed, “As if that would prove anything.”

“It proves many things.”

And then he spoke in a quiet voice. “Eat something when it comes, okay?”

She nodded. She didn’t know why, but something in the softness of his voice made her body feel warm, not out of embarrassment, but something more tender and vulnerable.

Her food arrived before his, but she said she’d wait for his to come, and then she would start eating. However, after his meal had long arrived, she was still absent-mindedly stirring her soup.

She hadn’t taken off her mask until they’d gotten to their booth, and that was only because Jasper had said, “You need to eat, Elvie”, in a tone so soft that she had relented, even when her nose was running badly when she took it off. He didn’t seem to care—but it was Jasper. He’d seen her ugly cry—that man was not fazed by anything.

She dipped her bread into the soup and stirred it absently. After letting it get soggy, she took a small, half-hearted bite. The soup was seasoned enough that she could taste it even with a stuffy nose.

“See? Not so bad.” Jasper grinned around a fry.

He was already halfway through his large portion of fries and grilled cheese, munching happily. He looked like he hadn’t been wrecked by the semester, but Elva knew better. Just because he carried things well didn't mean that it wasn’t heavy.

They ate in silence. She thought about her secret. She thought about who she was on Tumblr. Her mind drifted back to Flamealchemist and how honest that man was with her. He was more confessional than her pragmatic Jasper could ever be.

She hated that she compared them.

Jasper wasn’t meant to be compared to strangers online. He was real and right here in front of her. He carried her bags without asking and ordered soup for her, having all her preferences memorized. He knew she could drive her aunt’s 4WD and knew all her skills and hobbies… Did Flamealchemist know any of that? Flamealchemist knew she wrote kinky fanfiction and expressed her ideas and feelings in writing, but all of that was centered around her fetish. Did he know that she wasn’t as engaging as she portrayed herself to be online, in real life?

She had no one to talk to about these two versions of herself. Online, she could be a really interesting person, but here in reality, she was too tired to speak and feared she was too stoic and boring to be any semblance of a likable person.

“Elvie?”

She sniffled and lifted her head. Jasper was looking at her.

“You okay?” he asked gently. “You spaced out.”

“Just tired,” she murmured.

“You’ve barely touched your soup.”

“I’m eating,” she lied. She dipped the remaining bits of garlic bread into her soup with a little more vigor.

He didn’t press her.

When Elva was sure Jasper wasn’t looking, she watched him eat. He was so endearing in the way he emptied a packet of ketchup on the edge of his plate, how his hair flopped a little when he leaned forward. She remembered when he once had a phase where he’d use ounces of pomade on his head during high school. It made his light brown hair all weird and stiff, but he was still handsome anyway. He could do whatever he wanted.

“Elva, try some,” he said as he unloaded a spoonful of fries onto her bread plate. They really did give him a large portion. “You need more solids.”

“Okay,” she replied noncommittally.

***

Jasper’s POV

Later on the bus, Jasper waited for Elva to move into her seat before sitting down next to her. She immediately pulled out her phone and started texting.

A moment later, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

Elva: sorry if im being weird today. i just don’t feel well

He couldn’t believe this girl.

1. She wasn’t being “weird” at all.
2. Aww.

His thumbs moved quickly to type a reply.

Jasper: You weren’t. It’s all good, Elvie

She didn’t reply, just slipped her phone back into her pocket, and stared out the window.

He thought about the texts she’d sent him as Wisteriuh.

“i’ve officially reached the ‘everything tastes like cardboard’ stage of my cold. is that medically recognized yet?”

“if i write a snzfic based on my own symptoms, is that meta or just sad?”

He glanced at Elva from the corner of his eye. Her head was facing forward, but her eyes were darting around; she usually did that when she was nervous. Then, she pulled down her mask and wiped her nose on her sleeve, and pulled it back up.

Dear Elvie, you have tissues. 

That girl would rather sniffle her nose off than blow it in public. Earlier, he had to slide into her side of the booth at the diner so she could hide behind him while she blew her nose. Hot tea and soup made it really runny, and she’d been going "Snf! Snf!" the entire time. It was adorable, but it was really putting him off his food. 

He could forgive her for wiping her nose on her sleeve like a heathen. She was too cute for her own good.

Twenty minutes after the bus was back on the road, Elva had drifted off to sleep with her head against the window. He noticed her shivering, so he reached for the blanket from the top of her backpack and spread it over her body.

How long could he keep this up?

Jasper leaned back and stared ahead. Elva didn’t know how significant her presence was in his life.

When they were in their senior year, there was a mental health talk during the last period. In their math class before that, Jasper had spent the entire lesson cracking jokes and making the class laugh. Imagine the horror when the counselor started talking about a certain topic, and he rushed out of the room. He didn’t do publicly sad—people wouldn’t know what to do with that. He could imagine the entire class murmuring if anyone suspected anything at all.

Thankfully, the person who volunteered to check on him was Elva.

She went inside the boys’ bathroom, which was conveniently empty and perfect for a breakdown. He didn’t push her away because she was the only one who knew why he was crying.

Elva locked the door and stood beside him with an arm around his, while they waited for his hot and angry tears to subside. One of his cousins, also his best friend, had passed away. He didn’t cry during the funeral. He was the one who gave the eulogy. To avoid confronting his feelings of grief, he kept himself busy.

No one had ever seen him cry, aside from his mother and Elva.

When he finally calmed down and they left the bathroom, Elva, the girl who was deathly afraid of getting in trouble and struggled with moral perfectionism, fabricated a lie, saying that Jasper ate bad meatballs at the cafeteria and was throwing up to justify his blotchy face and bloodshot eyes. No one questioned her authority because she was such a goody-two-shoes. They had dinner at his house later and played Nintendo games until her brother came to pick her up.

With Elva, he could admit his pride, he could express his sadness, and show his vulnerability. Every time he would come to her with his weakness, she showed him kindness and said things that made him see situations in a different light. Without her, his life would be utterly dull.

He could only hope that eventually she would start putting two and two together. If not, he’d simply have to cowboy up and tell her how he really felt.

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

Elva slept through most of the ride.

Sometime within the last 4 hours before they reached their hometown, she woke up briefly to change the music on her phone.

Jasper, who had one of her earbuds in his ear, had to sit through her entire playlist. They shared some things in common when it came to music taste, but right now, he couldn’t stand the corny, pop-rock music she liked because the lyrics were hitting a little too close to home.

“Hey,” Elva croaked when he changed the song. “I was listening to that.”

“I’m just saving you from your bad music taste, Elvie,” he joked.

“What do you have against Hollywood Ending??”

Jasper did not want to admit that he liked Not Another Song About Love.

He shuddered. He couldn’t believe he related to music that was catered to 14-year-old girls. (He was going to re-listen to this when he got home.)

“Nothing,” he huffed, “I just wanted to listen to something other than Disney Channel music.”

Elva grumbled and then went back to zoning out. She was daydreaming. He knew she enjoyed listening to music during long car rides and daydreaming about fictional characters. No judgment there—he liked to daydream about being with her.

When the bus finally reached her stop, the sky had turned to gold. The driver had a waiting period of roughly twenty minutes for new passengers to board, so Jasper decided to get off with her.

“Let me carry that,” he said, standing up to grab Elva’s luggage. Too fatigued to argue, she just let him and followed after.

***

Elva’s POV

The summer air began to cool from the breeze. The lights from the apartment complex where she lived flickered faintly in the distance.

“You need to take better care of yourself,” Jasper said as they walked, “No skipping dinner and sleep early tonight. Like actually sleep, not stay up doom-scrolling or researching things. I know you.”

She didn’t say anything back because he wasn’t wrong.

However, she was also only half listening and barely present in her own body. She had a headache from the few minutes she spent looking at her phone to change the music during the bus ride.

“Is your brother still at work?” Jasper asked once they reached the front door of the apartment.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, not having much energy for a conversation, “Should be back in a couple of hours.”

She unlocked the door, and they stepped inside together.

“Home sweet home,” Jasper said, dropping her bags and stretching his arms. It was his home, too, in a way, given that he had been to her house a couple of hundred times.

She barely had a moment before he went into full-on concerned mode.

“You should shower,” he said. She felt his hand rummage through the side pocket of her backpack. “Hot water might help with your headache. I’ll set things up out here.”

Jasper took her water bottle and placed it on the coffee table. She shrugged off her backpack sluggishly, and he helped her set it on the floor next to the couch.

She didn’t recall telling him she had a headache. With no energy to resist his offer to help, she headed to her bedroom to grab her towel without another word.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper arranged Elva’s bags by the couch, then moved around the apartment, which he had grown to know like the back of his hand.

He entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, looking for the fever-cooling gel pads Elva’s brother kept in stock for whenever she was sick. Then, he headed to the laundry room to toss her favorite fuzzy grey blanket into the dryer, and returned to the living room to spread it over the couch, just the way she liked.

When she emerged from the bathroom, her hair was damp, and she was dressed all cute and cozy in her home slippers and pajamas. He was busy fluffing a pillow.

“You didn’t have to—”

“You get grumpy when you’re uncomfortable, when you’re sick. Sit.” He patted the couch, “You’re officially banned from moving for the night.”

“You’re insane,” she rasped, moving to sit down beside him. “You should go home, Jaz. It’s getting late.”

He peeled off the protective seal from the gel pad and smoothed her hair back from her forehead.

“It’s not dark out yet.”

“How long do you think the bus driver is going to wait? He’ll leave without you, and then your mom’ll worry and think you got kidnapped, and then she’ll call the cops.”

“Elvie,” he mock gasped, “She won’t!”

“She will,” she said with full conviction.

He groaned. “Why are you like this?”

Once her hair was neatly out of the way, he smoothed the fever-cooling pad against her forehead. She sighed quietly and leaned her head against his hand.

“You have to take care of yourself better. You didn’t even have medicine until I dragged you to CVS.”

She turned away to cough into the crook of her elbow.

“Jaz, it’s getting dark,” she sniffled. “Your mom is going to worry.”

“I’ll be fine, she won’t,” he repeated.

“You always say she won’t, and then she calls asking where you are.”

“Yes, but we’re twenty-one now, Elva.”

“Yes. And she still says ‘be safe, baby’ when you hang up.”

He opened his mouth and then closed it. “…She does not.”

“She does,” Elva said. She almost sounded smug, if not for the hoarseness and non-judgmental tone of her voice. “As she should. You’re soft.”

“What?”

Jasper’s brain was inclined to believe “soft” suggested he was weak or that he was effeminate (and not man enough for her), but he knew Elva didn’t mean it that way. Also, he knew that if he got defensive, she would start lecturing him on this thing called “toxic masculinity”. Again.

“You are soft,” she sighed, leaning back against the couch. “You bring people cold compresses and carry their bags when they’re sick.”

She assumed he did this for everyone. He didn’t. He didn’t know who else “they” were supposed to be; he only did this with her.

“My mom won’t worry if I text her. She also won’t worry if I tell her I’m with you because you’re my most sensible friend.”

And mom thinks I should be with you. You’re her favorite.

“Still,” Elva pressed, “It’s getting late, and you already carried my stuff. That’s enough. Thank you.”

He stood up to leave. And then she stood too.

“What are you doing, Elvie?” He pointed back at the couch. “You’ll make your headache worse.”

“Who’s going to lock the door when you go?” she huffed.

Jasper frowned, unwilling to admit that he was being absolutely ridiculous. His hand hovered awkwardly near her elbow, unsure of whether to give her a parting hug or keep a respectful distance.

She gave him a small, tired but grateful smile. “I’ll be okay. Go catch the bus.”

“Text me if your fever comes back. I’ll get my mom to make you chicken soup and send it over if Dave gets home late.”

“Don’t trouble yourself. Bye, Jaz. I owe you one.”

He shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything, Elvie.”

She gave him a quick hug before kicking him out the door.

***

Elva’s POV

“I’ll be alright. Seriously. You should go,” Elva stressed for the millionth time.

“I’ll text you,” he said finally, before he allowed her to wave him off (she had to forcibly kick him out before he missed the bus).

She watched him head down the stairs and then locked the door.

Elva moved to the window in the living room to see if he was going to keep his word. She was prepared to call a cab if he got off the bus with his things and started walking back to the apartment.

Soon, Jasper appeared outside, and she watched him jog toward the bus stop. Elva waited until he and the bus disappeared from view.

She turned back to the couch and exhaled. The apartment was quiet without him (she wouldn’t have minded it if he really stayed), and she was left alone to deal with her thoughts.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper wouldn’t describe himself as soft.

Driven? Sure. Focused? Absolutely. A bit intense when it came to projects, deadlines, and defending people (cough, Elva) who wouldn’t defend themselves? Maybe. But soft? He wasn’t soft.

Yet, when he walked through the door of his childhood home, backpack over his shoulders and wheeled suitcase in hand, he was immediately greeted by the warm scent of pie in the kitchen and his mother pulling him into a hug.

“Welcome home, baby,” she cooed, like he was a teenager coming home from a two-week-long school camp. Then she kissed him on the cheek.

He let it happen because he was the mature and responsible eldest. He knew best not to upset his mother by resisting her affection, especially when he’d been gone for so long. Sometimes, being the eldest meant letting your mom fuss over you, even when you were twenty-one.

“I’ll eat dinner later, Mom. I’m going to take a shower, love you,” he said, returning the hug, before heading up to his room.

He lugged his bag up the stairs, opened his bedroom door, and switched on the lights. It smelled like fresh laundry. His mother had probably changed the sheets. Besides that, the room was mostly untouched. His old posters were still hung up on the wall, the things on his desk were still in the same place as he left them, and his shelf was lined with high school trophies. They looked like they had been dusted. 

He pulled out his phone from his pocket.

Jasper: Reached home safe. Text me if you need anything, Elvie

He tossed the device onto his bed and then headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

—

He checked his messages again later, but Elva still hadn’t replied. He figured she needed space or was taking a nap, but he’d text her again later to check.

On Tumblr, however, Wisteriuh was making posts about her cold in real time. They were all tagged #cw self-obs.

And in his DMs:

wisteriuh: i’ve been feeling like shit all day

He chuckled. So Elva was awake. She was just ignoring him.

Elva didn’t owe him anything, least of all quick replies, but he was amused at the irony of being ghosted like this.

He typed Miss Wisteriuh a reply.

flamealchemist: sending you virtual soup and a blanket 🍲🧣 (i know that’s a scarf, there’s no blanket emoji) and a stern lecture about hydration

wisteriuh: 😹😹

***

Elva’s POV

She felt bad about relocating to her bedroom after Jasper put in all the effort to set up the couch for her. She was pretty sure he was going to offer to stay, if not for her reminding him that his things were still on the bus and his mother would be disappointed if he came home late. She did sort of want him to stay, but she also wanted to spend the night talking to her online… friend.

Elva flopped onto her bed, pulled her blanket up to her chin, and opened Tumblr. Her head was still achy, but her temperature had gone down a little after the shower and two mugs of chamomile tea. She turned her phone brightness all the way down and read Flamealchemist’s new messages.

flamealchemist: how’s your cold?

She replied that her head felt like cotton, and she had this cough that annoyed her because it was loud and made her throat feel itchy.

While she waited for a reply, she stalked his blog.

He must be extroverted, she concluded, judging from how responsive he was to Tumblr asks and comments from strangers. Or an ambivert at least. Maybe he was a very friendly introvert who felt more comfortable interacting with people online than in real life.

Flamealchemist told her she was engaging earlier in their chat. She felt extremely flattered because that was not the word most people used to describe her. He also told her she made him blush when she jokingly sent a flirty reply to one of his silly pick-up lines. Normally, she didn’t like receiving that kind of information from men, but she screenshotted it. There was just something so endearing about this guy, and Elva couldn’t imagine making a guy who was so confident and self-assured blush.

She put her phone down and smushed her face into her pillow. What was she even doing? She didn’t do things like this. She didn’t open up this fast to people. This was completely out of character.

What would Jasper think if he knew? Would he think that she was being stupid and reckless?

Elva imagined that he would probably just give her a look and ask if the guy she was talking to was safe. He’d also want to know some context.

She wouldn’t even know how to answer the latter. “So I have a sneezing kink and cold fetish, and I started talking to this guy because he has the kink too.” Crazy!

Other than that, Flamealchemist made her feel seen. She’d been finding it hard to make friends at university—not that it was ever easy for her to make friends in the first place—and she was tired of being invisible in real life. On Tumblr, where many people shared the same interests, it felt like she had a community. She took the chance with Flamealchemist because she felt an almost immediate connection with him, and maybe she was trying to explore what it felt like to reciprocate a crush.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper had been ghosting Wisteriuh to check on Elva. She still hadn’t replied to his last message.

“Did you eat? ❤️” he typed, and then sighed, having to backspace because he added a heart. He and Wisteriuh had been exchanging them, and now messaging Elva without one made his texts feel empty. He swapped the heart for a strawberry instead. He was sure Elva would feel suspicious at his sudden increase in emoji use, but he couldn’t care too much to overthink right now.

Wisteriuh had just uploaded a new wav. There was no caption or even a proper title for it, only the tag #sniffling.

He smiled and tapped on the play button. Elva sniffling for a minute straight? He could listen to that (even though it greatly annoyed him in real life).

It was oddly soothing listening to her sniffle and clear her throat over and over. Sometimes the pattern would break, and she’d sniffle twice in succession and hold her breath presumably to keep her nose from dripping. He imagined that it would be dripping, judging by how wet her sniffles sounded. And then there was the sound of her sleeve brushing the mic as she wiped her nose.

“Hh’tshuhHh! H’tshi’iuhh!”

Cute…

Jasper kept the wav on play and put his phone down. He stared at the ceiling of his childhood room, feeling warm and cursed at the same time. He couldn’t prolong this waiting game any longer—he had to confess this summer.

flamealchemist: cute! ❤️ i hope you’re resting well

wisteriuh: i’ve been sniffly all day :( glad you liked it though <3

His lips twitched into a guilty smile.

Wisteriuh was so engaging. When she told him what she liked about his wavs, she would point out details that he didn’t think people would catch, like the little gasps in between his sneezes. She compared his build-ups to dynamics in music—the crescendo and diminuendo, the growing and diminishing of sound—she talked about the kink like it was an art.

With this online version of Elva, who didn’t know who he was, he could let out bits of that longing in his heart without any immediate consequences. He’s been emotionally vulnerable with her. He told her about how people always assumed he had the answers, how he felt the constant need to keep up this sharp, competent version of himself in real life. Some nights, he felt hollow, and at his worst, he wasn’t as smart or as good a leader as he was reputed to be. Wisteriuh had listened, and she seemed to get it.

He wondered how Elva would react if she eventually found out it was him. Would she be mad—or worse, disgusted?

***

Elva’s POV

Elva was grateful to be alone and indulge in her strange fetish fantasies. She didn’t understand exactly what was happening in her body when she found pleasure in her own cold symptoms. Here she could be symptomatic without feeling shy or embarrassed. She didn’t know why the sounds of her own illness turned her on and blamed her fever-addled brain, where rational thoughts used to live. They probably couldn’t stand the temperature and manifested as plain horniness.

The apartment was quiet, and her brother wouldn’t be home until late. For the first time all day, she didn’t have to mask anything. She didn’t have to feign politeness and a good mood or hide the fact that she was sick and tired (and kind of enjoying it).

She uncapped her chhinkni and sniffed deeply. The herbal scent tickled her sinuses and made her nose twitch. She muffled a sneeze into her blanket and blushed, even though no one was around.

Dorm germs were brutal. And now she was like this.

The sneeze loosened her congestion and left her very sniffly. She pulled out her phone and headed to the voice notes app.

She didn’t do things like this. Posting wavs on Tumblr. What was going on with her…

Flamealchemist had said in one of his older posts that he thought noseblowing was cute, so she blew her nose when the audio recording hit the one-minute mark. She could feel her cheeks burning.

Only one or two people liked her recordings. Her blog had fewer than 10 followers, and one of the likes, unsurprisingly, was her only male mutual. Within five minutes, she’d already received a DM.

flamealchemist: cute! ❤️ […]

Elva stared at the message, eyes wide. She pulled her blanket over her head and curled deeper into her bed.

She was blushing so hard it hurt. What had gotten into her lately? She wasn’t someone who posted audio porn and freely spoke to men. Her plan to humor this guy and lightly troll him with pretend-flirting backfired because she was now melting under his compliments. For all she knew, he could be some 50-year-old man only pretending to be this endearing, funny 21-year-old.

—

Her brother knocked twice before coming in.

Elva forced a loud cough, signaling that it was okay for him to enter. She slid her phone under her pillow.

“Hey, kiddo,” Davis said gently. She didn't plan on telling him that she was sick, but she ended up telling him everything. She told him about her dormmates and her depleted medicine stock.

Her older brother let out an exasperated sigh.

Davis stayed with her for a while, smoothing her hair back in soothing motions like when she was little. He told her something about a work trip and how he would be gone for a few days.

Eventually, he left her to rest, dropping a kiss on her forehead before leaving.

She slid her phone back out from under her pillow.

wisteriuh: do you have siblings?

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

10 unread messages

Jasper: Did you eat? 🍓

Jasper: Elva

Jasper: Elva

Jasper: Elvie

Jasper: El

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: LV

Jasper: V

Elva groaned in frustration. (What was up with the strawberry?)

Mute.

She was busy trying to answer a question from her Tumblr friend.

“So, do u have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend? Or whatever.”

She replied: “nope. never. too busy being awkward and overthinking everything".

Conflicted was an understatement.

Elva passed the question back to him. “and what about you? you must have a whole line of suitors.”

Her lips twitched into a self-conscious smile.

***

Jasper’s POV

Elva was ignoring him to talk to him on Tumblr.

He’d asked her if she'd told her brother she was sick, and she left him on read. But on Tumblr?

wisteriuh: nope. never. too busy being awkward and overthinking everything

Whoa. He smirked. Nothing screamed “Elva” more than that kind of frankness. He wondered if that overthinking referred to their interactions.

Jasper remembered when their friend from high school, Jarrod, had confessed to Elva over text. Apparently, it went over her head that a “friend” texting her “good morning” every single day wasn’t normal behavior. As her best friend, even he didn’t do that. But what would his Elvie know? She was utterly oblivious to things like this. He pretended to be neutral about it when she relayed the story, but inside, he’d practically done a cartwheel when she told him she'd turned Jarrod down.

When Jarrod, shocked that she didn’t feel the same (he really thought Elva did because she replied to his “morning texts”), asked why, she’d said, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Elva told him she had no idea what to say because she'd never experienced someone confessing to her and didn't know how to safely turn someone down.

Jasper burst into laughter when she told him that. That girl was so worried about rejecting the guy, yet she used the most cliché phrase ever. It shattered Jarrod’s opinion of her, which she was actually bothered by because she hated saying the wrong thing, even in undesired situations like this. 

“What? I panicked!!” she’d complained. After being brought to his knees and wheezing with laughter over her story, he thought of himself in Jarrod’s position and started to worry. He would be extremely upset to be turned down by her, but kept this sensitivity stowed away in a locked chest inside his mind. 

Online-Elva, though… She was being herself and this whole new person with him. It gave him some sliver of hope knowing that she liked him in a hypothetical situation where she’d never met him before. But this wasn’t a hypothetical situation—she just didn’t know it was him.

flamealchemist: What’s the difference between an extroverted snzfucker and an introverted snzfucker?

wisteriuh: an extrovert sneezes like they want the whole world to know?

flamealchemist: so quick! but no, the extrovert says bless you before a person sneezes. the introvert says sorry after their own sneeze

***

Elva’s POV

Elva was kicking her feet under her sheets and wiping her nose all over her sleeve. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling at her phone.

wisteriuh: so you’re an extrovert?

flamealchemist: obviously :)

wisteriuh: wouldn’t an extrovert say “bless me” after they sneeze? because they want people to acknowledge that they did?

flamealchemist: maybe, but an introvert could secretly want the same thing. most introverts wouldn’t say bless you to a random stranger. and an introverted snzfucker would be too overwhelmed to look in the sneezer's direction ;)

She could imagine this guy being someone fun to talk to in real life. He probably had a million friends. He already had a bunch of women lining up in his Tumblr asks.

wisteriuh: you must be popular with the ladies. does your girlfriend know?

flamealchemist: i actually don’t have a girlfriend right now

That was probably the most shocking thing about him. Elva was guessing that he and user FlowerBedHaze had something going on because she’d written a post inspired by one of his allergy wavs. Now that she thought about it, their interactions seemed to be one-sided. Elva bit her lip. What if this guy were secretly a womanizing asshole?

***

Jasper’s POV

Did Elva seriously just ask him if he had a girlfriend after he’d spent weeks texting her in lowercase, using emojis (the heart one specifically), and playfully flirting with pick-up lines?

God, he wanted her so bad.

The wanting was visceral, and he was pretty sure by now that it went beyond anything superficial. He knew Elva was “aromantic and asexual” or something like that; he wasn’t super familiar with these labels of sexualities because he was certain he was 99% straight and never felt the need to explore further. That was another reason why he felt hesitant to try, but during a conversation with Evana, she’d told him it was a spectrum and that he was stupid for keeping Elva in the dark for so long. Girls just didn’t understand. Elva wasn’t showing any promising signs to his hints!

Jasper didn’t care if Elva didn’t want to be physical with him. Knowing she was his and his only was enough. He told himself if she didn’t want this, he’d still be her best friend, and he wouldn’t overstep her boundaries, but it hurt thinking of the possibility of her rejecting him.

He was suddenly having doubts about his plan. This was Elva he was talking about. His stoic, guarded Elvie. She’d die if she knew he had stumbled on this side of her.

No. He just needed to reassure her that he had the kink too, so she wouldn’t have a chance to feel ashamed and embarrassed. He was going to tell her that he’d never told a soul aside from her, and what were the odds that they both had it? It was fate, right? He was deathly afraid that Elva would hate him forever.

***

Elva’s POV

Elva had a huge problem.

She was crushing hard on Flamealchemist, yet she didn’t want to let go of Jasper. The thing was, she knew for sure that her Tumblr mutual liked her, but never knew where Jasper stood. It’s not like she was turning him down, because he’d never said a word in the first place.

She needed to find something that would disprove this crush of hers. She couldn’t be so gullible as to believe that Flamealchemist was conveniently her age and shared freakishly similar interests with her. He could very well be a middle-aged man using quick wit and Trigun gifs to lure in girls with obscure fetishes. She knew how the Internet worked. She wasn’t naive.

Elva opened the incognito tab on her phone’s default browser.

“flamealchemist” site:sneezefetishforum.com

She had to know where he lurked, what he posted, and how he interacted with people on the actual fetish site. If he truly had this fetish and wasn’t pretending or doing it for quick and guaranteed attention, he’d have some sort of post history. Or not. She wasn’t sure, but it was one way to check.

All the relevant results filled the page.

On the thread titled “What character would you like to see sneeze?”, he'd said Riza Hawkeye, best girl. She wasn’t surprised. It was very fitting for someone with “flamealchemist” as their username. Maybe he liked blondes… Elva wasn’t blonde.

She moved on and continued stalking. This background check was important. Flamealchemist was too perfect. It was suspicious. She knew she had to be vigilant, especially in these communities where things could get weird fast.

She found his reply to a thread from two years ago on some woman’s illness self-observation post. The lady attached a YouTube link with a self-conscious “Sorry if my sneezes sound weird, I was so congested”.

He had replied, “Lol, they’re not weird at all. Bless you x3”

The hell.

The more Elva stalked this guy, the more she seemed to like him and how familiar he felt. He complimented people in a way that wasn’t gross or objectifying. He even apologized when he thought he crossed a line in a thread dated back in January. Posts couldn’t be deleted from the forum, and the thread was closed right after his comment, with him correcting himself before anyone had the opportunity to tell him off for his poor choice of words.

***

Jasper’s POV

Wisteriuh had gone offline after his last message to her about not having a girlfriend.

He scrolled through their chat. Some of their messages were really long, almost bordering on an essay. Some days she’d just send him one long block of text, and he’d send her a long block back. It was like they were sending letters to each other.

His chest swelled with affection. He was absolutely hopeless.

And then Elva finally replied to his concerned messages.

Jasper: Elva

Jasper: Elva

Jasper: Elvie

Jasper: El

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: Vie

Jasper: LV

Jasper: V

Elva: 😑 [11:01 PM]

He cackled. He was sure that was her second most used emoji, next to the middle finger one.

Elva: 🖕 [11:02 PM]

There she is.

Elva:  ̷̨̧̨̡̘͉̜̘̞͙͉̺̠͉̙̥̲̬̈́̅͝ ̷̢̡̧͔̪̼̮́́̒̄̋͛ ̴̢̨̡̧̢̣̯̭̣͚̣̳̖̗̤̘̩͖͎͆͑̇͒̐̄̀͂͋̏̋̀̈́̎̑͌̉͜͜͝͠͝ ̸̢̙̤͐̇̏́̋͑͊͘͜͝ ̴̧̩̈́͂̓́́͗͛͠͝͝ ̵̡̛̛̣̺̞̜̬͍̻͚̲̞͉͎̬̲͕̯̘̤͛̏̎̽̓͑̓̿̓̾̐̍̀̈́̊͗́̒̚͝ ̶͎̩̩͍͒̂̇̈́̂̈́͜͝ ̷̢̱̝͎̬̈́̓̏̌͂̉̏͆͋̿̿͋̃̃̈́̅̑͊͑͝ ̴̛̛̼̻̖̺̼͗̑̅͊̈̾̌̈́̆͑̉̊͆͠͠ ̶̻̺̫̟̗̠̉̌̀̉̌͛̄̈́̓̐͒̕ ̷̢̛͚͖̤̯͎̗̹̣̗̪̮̳̮̈́̓̽͂̔́̽̀̋̓́̉̀̇̂̈́̉̾͜͝͠ͅ ̶͙̣̫͍̘̺͔̋̈́̈́͆̀ ̴̺̥̫͇̻̝̗͎̣̲́̃̈́̀͆̓̃͊́͋͋̔̂͘̚̚͘͜͝͝ ̴̛͓͕̗̤̪͕̫͔̠͕̮͕͇̯̮͍͙̬͉͍̟͓̇͆̏̑́̀͐̃̊̌̿̇̽̓̊̊͋̕̚͝ ̷̡͈̺͙̫͕̳̦̰̞̝̼̟̍̋̃͗͐̂͐̄̎̎͑̚̚͠ ̶̰̤͕͍͉̼̥̪͍̖̤͓̼̼͕̿͊́̐  

Jasper: ELVIE!!

He considered himself lucky to have even received a reply. A side-by-side comparison of these texts and the long ones with full sentences from Wisteriuh had him rolling off his bed with laughter.

—

This was one of the most amusing conversations he’s ever had.

flamealchemist: You know, not to be weird but your sneezes kind of have a syntax

wisteriuh: omg what does that even mean 😭

Jasper snickered. He read that in Elva’s voice.

flamealchemist: i mean, it’s like your sneezes have a set structure and form. they’re not just random bursts of sounds

wisteriuh: do you always listen this closely to people’s sneezes or am i special 💅

flamealchemist: you are most definitely special. illness makes one mortal, but you wis… those sneezes must’ve come from a goddess. let’s say i enjoyed your wavs very much ^_^

And Jasper was being completely sincere. He sighed. Since when did he start using emoticons like that?

wisteriuh: omg stop 😭 im blushing 😭😭😭

flamealchemist: 😏

wisteriuh: just so you know, i am literally on cold meds rn. if i flirt it’s the medicine

flamealchemist: same excuse I used for my first high school crush. Worked wonders.

Jasper’s first high school crush was Elva, and that excuse did not, in fact, fly (Elva had probably forgotten about that attempt of his because she assumed he was being creepy and blocked it out of her memory).

Chapter Text

[Flashback]

Jasper’s POV

wisteriuh: do you have siblings?

flamealchemist: a sister and brother. i’m the eldest :)

wisteriuh: really?? you give off the vibe of the goofy youngest

What?

Jasper was almost offended. What on Earth made her think that he gave off “youngest child”? The phrase itself sounded like a slur to his Eldest Son ego.

flamealchemist: I can’t decide if that’s an insult or a compliment

He almost added a pointed “Elvie” at the end of his text message.

wisteriuh: having the goofiness and silliness of the youngest with the reliability of the eldest packaged in one? that’s a steal

flamealchemist: when you put it like that… are you buying?

Elva’s POV

“a sister and brother. i’m the eldest :)”

In that moment, Elva suddenly realized that she had been so stupid.

She had an inkling that Flamealchemist could be someone she knew, and someone she knew very well, but at the same time, she’d thought there was no way in hell Jasper would have a sneezing kink. And as far as she was concerned, he was not faking any of it. (She didn’t know whether to feel flattered or hurt if someone faked having a kink just to get close to her—but she was pretty sure Jasper wasn’t faking it.)

Elva’s heart was racing. It wasn’t a good combination when one had a head full of cold. Flamealchemist’s online persona was charming and hilarious, a blend of confident and thoughtful—just like her Jasper.

She thought about his replies to anonymous asks.

“Are you single??”

flamealchemist: Yes, contrary to popular belief. Honestly, I just want someone who will accept me for all this and still be wanted. Is that so much to ask?

She'd had the same thoughts herself. Such statements were confessions she’d post on her blog if she were braver.

This whole time that she’d been chatting with Flamealchemist online, in the back of her mind, she’d been telling herself that she had a Jasper. She felt like she couldn’t do anything with her suspicions of him having a crush on her because she truly thought it was her own projection. Jasper made her feel safe. Jasper was her longest friend, and while she only started liking him because he started liking her, her feelings were genuine. But she also had wondered if she was misreading everything.

God, no. This meant that he did see the search results on her phone if he managed to find her. Elva groaned in agony. She was in no way ready to reveal this part of herself, not to him, not to anyone.

Could Flamealchemist really be him? Could he really be Jasper? The golden child, the straight-A student, the guy who came off intimidating to people, yet was good with children despite himself (it’s the eldest child in him). He was disciplined, productive, had a social life, and was way too normal and well-adjusted to have a weird kink and be online in spaces like Tumblr. The man had things to put on his LinkedIn!

But also…

It was Jasper. Her goofy, silly, multi-faceted best friend.

She knew Jasper hid things from people—from her. Little things like how often he skipped sleep or how badly he took rejections, even just the idea of them. And how he sometimes pretended not to be sad because people were so used to him being someone they didn’t need to worry about.

Elva understood this very well.

People often thought of her and him as very different types of people, but under the surface, this is what solidified their bond. He understood this part of her, and she understood this part of him. Two very different people could share the same doubts and insecurities.

This was insane.

Elva wrapped her body around a pillow, trying to calm her racing heart. If Flamealchemist were Jasper, that would mean that she’d been jokingly flirting and trolling his online persona for weeks, and at one point their conversations had turned sincere and she’d told him she liked his wavs!! She let out a pained yelp and held her pillow over her face. It felt like she was going to die.

She re-read her messages with Flamealchemist. Jasper didn’t type in lowercase like him, but Flamealchemist capitalized his texts sometimes, as if he’d turned the auto-capitalization back on on his phone. When Jasper was excited, he would inconsistently capitalize the “I”s.

She then opened her chat with Jasper and kept switching back and forth between apps, comparing his and Flamealchemist’s messaging styles.

Jasper: You didn’t answer my texts. I was just worried. Just say you’re okay

And her Tumblr mutual:

flamealchemist: are you buying?

She flicked the Tumblr app away. She’d been entertaining Jasper’s flirting the whole time?!

Elva let out a strangled squeak, slapping a hand over her mouth.

All the puzzle pieces of evidence that she’d subconsciously collected were starting to fit together.

Flamealchemist said he’d dated before but hid his kink from every partner. Jasper, in response to when she told him, “You don’t have to be mysterious to be cool”, had said he was very capable of being “mysterious” and casually mentioned that he had some secrets she didn’t know about. When they were 13, Jasper tried to keep a secret from her about learning to sing since she was in choir and he wanted to surprise her, but then he caved and told her almost a few weeks after his first lessons. Sure, mysterious.

Jasper often made typos when he was typing and thinking very quickly. He complained about being bad at grammar once, but she’d told him it was only because he didn’t slow down to check what he was writing. He had always wanted to get things done inhumanely fast for no real reason.

She raced back to the forum.

“flamealchemist” definately site:sneezefetishforum.com

Every single search result with the appropriate keywords showed up, and in the first few ones she clicked, were comments from Flamealchemist using the same typo Jasper made constantly.

No. No. NO.

Jasper was Flamealchemist!

Chapter Text

Little Elva sat on the carpet of the living room, carefully stripping open one of the presents Jasper got her for her fifth birthday.

Earlier, she had cried because Jasper said, “Elvie, you’re too slow!” and ripped off a huge piece of wrapping paper, thinking he was helping. “You broke it!” she had accused, with tears in her eyes. “You broke the surprise.” His mother had then pulled him aside and explained that Elva preferred to take her time. Elva's older brother added that she thought the packaging was pretty, so she wanted to peel the tape off slowly and keep the wrapper. Jasper huffed. How could he have known!

Elva pulled out a stuffed rabbit. It was white, fluffy, and realistic-looking.

“My mommy said I couldn’t buy you a real bunny because it’s too ‘spensive,” Jasper explained. “I bought you this because you said your favorite color is blue or white, and you like fluffy things. This bunny is white and reaaally fluffy. But wait, you still got more presents!”

The next thing Elva pulled out of the bag was a white, fluffy cardigan. She stroked the soft material of the garment and put it on immediately.

“I love it,” Elva said, petting her arms and then her new bunny.

“Wait!!” Jasper pulled a small box from the bag. “You forgot this!”

Davis crouched down and helped her open the box. Inside was a silver chain with a pendant of the letter ‘V’ hanging on it.

Jasper had begged his mother to buy it, saying, “Elvie will like this a lot.” His mother suggested that they should buy one with the letter “E”, because Elva started with an E, but Jasper, firm in his convictions, hadn’t listened to a word of his mother’s explanation. He loudly argued, “It’s a ‘V’ for EL-VIE. Elvie has a ‘V’ in her name!!” Deborah, too tired from a long week of teaching high school children to argue, decided just to buy the damn necklace.

Elva and Davis looked at each other.

“Do you like it?” Jasper asked enthusiastically. “It’s just a ‘V’ for you, Elvie. Because you have a Vee in your name.” He grinned, feeling like someone really thoughtful and smart.

“You’re actually supposed to get the first letter of someone’s name for these things…” Davis chuckled. He looked over at his little sister.

“E,” Elva said.

“Huh?” Jasper looked at her.

“My name, 'Elva', starts with ‘E’.”

Jasper’s mouth curved into an “O” and all of a sudden, he understood everything. It was as if a lightbulb switched on and appeared above his little head.

“I told you, dear,” his mother sighed, looking at Davis apologetically. He shrugged it off, grateful his shy little sister had a friend to celebrate her birthday with, and Jasper's family was thinking of her.

“It’s okay, Elvie, your name still got a ‘V’ in it. You can also put the V in front of your name like this: Velvie!”

Elva bit her lip. She wasn’t sure she liked the idea of being called Velvie. She looked at Davis, who had this weird look on his face. It was like he was trying to keep his facial muscles from moving.

“Hey, it sounds like ‘velvet’! That’s the couch in my house! Mommy, when is Elvie going to come to my house?”

“He’s a good kid,” her Aunt Mari said to Jasper’s mother, an amused smile on her face.

She felt her brother’s hand on her shoulder.

“Do you like it, Ellie?” He had the same kind of look as Aunt Mari.

Elva looked at Jasper, who looked so happy and proud of himself for choosing her gifts. In that moment, she had learned the concept of not saying what she really felt, to not squash someone else’s happiness.

“Don’t pressure her!” Jasper said, looking at Davis. Davis had said that once to Jasper when he tried to push Elva down the big slide because she wasn't moving, and she cried, begging her older brother to pick her up. Since then, he has been repeating the phrase. Davis, as amused as he was, had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

Elva looked at the necklace. It was really pretty, and the “V” was really small. She picked it up, and it glittered under the warm light of the apartment.

“Put this on,” she said to Davis, gesturing toward her neck. Her older brother nodded, moving his hands to fulfill his baby sister’s very serious request. He pushed her hair back and carefully fastened the necklace around her neck.

She held the pendant in between her fingertips. “I love it.”

“Yay!!” Jasper exclaimed happily. “It’s a ‘V’ for Elvie!”

Chapter Text

…Timeskip…

Jasper’s POV

He and Wisteriuh have been dancing around the idea of meeting up. In between Minecraft gaming sessions with Elva, Jasper had been keeping an eye on his Tumblr notifications.

flamealchemist: i live in a pretty small town. kind of suburban area

wisteriuh: wait, does your town have a recreational park with a lake?

flamealchemist: you have to be more specific, wis. there are multiple towns with recreational parks and a lake

wisteriuh: it’s the park next to a diner called lucky cat. the area is always crowded on the weekends and people are always feeding the fish or the ducks

Jasper was starting to suspect Elva knew it was him. Her replies seemed to grow warmer and warmer, screaming yes and closer.

flamealchemist: park near lucky cat? i jog there on the weekends

wisteriuh: no way, i’m going there this weekend because there’s a buy-one-free-one drink deal at lucky cat. wanna meet up?

He grinned. This was exciting, but it also felt like there was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

flamealchemist: would you like to meet over dinner first? or lunch? or breakfast, whichever you prefer. it’ll be less crowded in a restaurant

wisteriuh: no, the park is fine and i’m free this saturday

wisteriuh: also, my best friend is coming. i hope that’s alright with you

And then Elva messaged on the Minecraft server.

Elva: can you come with me to meet an online friend?

Jasper: Who’s this online friend?

He smirked.

Elva: just a tumblr mutual

Little Elva walked next to her older brother down the aisles of the big department store. Fluorescent lights glared overhead, and there were rows and rows of shelves stacked with all sorts of interesting things. Elva’s dark brown eyes darted around curiously.

Beside her, Jasper was noisily bouncing an inflatable ball. He skipped and ran ahead sometimes, making animated commentaries on each item that caught his eye. Some strangers smiled as they passed.

Normally, Davis didn’t mind babysitting Jasper and Elva together. He’d taken them on outings before and didn’t mind being saddled with two little kids, as long as he could handle it. Jasper was mostly a good influence on Elva, coaxing her to talk, making her laugh, and feel braver to try new things—except currently, he was a hazard.

The neon-orange ball bounced up and down relentlessly, threatening to knock anything standing in its way over.

“Not too close, baby,” he said to Elva, gesturing at her friend, who was vigorously bouncing the ball. He placed a hand on his sister’s shoulder and guided her away from the danger.

“Okay…” Elva nodded, moving closer to him.

Noticing one of the store clerks watching, Davis decided to interfere.

“Jaz,” he said, a little sternly, “You can play with that later. Not inside the store.”

Jasper caught the ball mid-bounce and nodded quickly. He looked at Davis. Elva’s big brother had to be the biggest brother he’d ever seen in his five years of living. Dave was 18. That was bigger than any of his other friends’ big brothers.

“Okay,” he said, clutching the ball to his chest.

“On second thought, let me hold onto that for a while.”

They stopped between a toy aisle and a shoe aisle. Davis sighed as he took the ball from Jasper, surprised no one had kicked them out yet.

“Dave is so tall,” Jasper whispered to Elva. “I think he’s taller than the trees outside your house.”

“Not taller than trees,” Elva shook her head.

“Almost. I think he’s so tall because he eats a lot of sandwiches.”

Elva giggled, looking up at Davis, who just rolled his eyes.

“Hey, Elvie. Look!” Jasper said. Before Davis could see what he was pointing at, he and Elva had already darted into one of the aisles.

Davis wondered if he was just adding to his own headache by letting Jasper tag along.

"Elvie, this feels like your bunny!"

"Whoa... it's soft..."

He found his baby sister and her best friend crouched in front of a pair of adult-sized home slippers. They were… petting them?

He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms loosely. “What exactly are you two doing?”

Both children sat on the floor, ignoring him. Their little hands were busy stroking and petting the slippers as if they were live pet animals. Elva’s dark hair fell into her face as she bent forward, curling her fingers into the material. Jasper’s light-brown hair flopped from one side to the other as he picked up one of the slippers and pressed it to his cheek. Davis already knew where this was going.

Sure enough, Elva stood and walked up to him. She wrapped her small hand around his arm.

“Dave,” she asked, a serious expression on her face, “where’s the money Aunt Mari gave you? You said you have one hundred.”

Davis blinked. “What?”

“The money,” she repeated, “Aunt Mari gave you one hundred.”

He rubbed the back of his head. “Sweetpea… you mean the hundred bill Aunt Mari gave me for lunch? For groceries? For emergencies?”

He brushed his sister’s hair away from her face while she continued to look at him with pleading eyes. And then Jasper came up to them.

“The slippers are only twenty! That’s not all the money! And Elvie found this plushie, too—” He sprinted to the shelf and grabbed a plush toy shaped like an avocado and handed it to Elva.

“That’s just five,” he explained, “Twenty plus five is twenty-five. Minus one hundred, it’s… seventy-five. You still have seventy-five left! That’s lots of money!”

Davis pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no doubt that Jasper’s mother—a high school math teacher—would be very proud of him.

He crouched so that he was eye-level with Elva. “Ellie, those slippers are too big for you. They’re for grown-ups.”

Elva widened her eyes and pouted.

Jasper grabbed the ball from Davis while he was distracted.

“My mommy gave me five dollars because I’m five.” Jasper bounced the ball hard. It nearly flew into a rack of socks before he chased it down and caught it.

He ran back to the siblings. “My mommy gave me five dollars because I’m five, so I'm gonna buy this ball because I like bouncing. But if I had more money, I would buy slippers for Elvie.”

None of this was helping Davis’ conscience.

Davis held Elva’s hand. “Those slippers are too big for you. You can’t even walk in them. You’d trip.”

As Elva opened her mouth to reply, Jasper interjected again. “My mommy always buys something big for me so I can grow inside it.” He meant “grow into it,” but Davis didn’t correct him. “When Elvie grows up, she can wear the slippers.”

“Yeah,” Elva agreed. “I can wear them when I grow up.”

“But baby,” Davis said gently, “Didn’t Aunt Mari already buy you butterfly slippers? You wore them yesterday, remember?”

Elva pressed her lips together. Seeing her look like she was about to give up, Jasper butted in, “But those aren’t fluffy.” His tone was firm and punctuated with a bounce of the ball.

“Yeah. They’re not fluffy,” she agreed.

Jasper placed the ball in between his legs and crossed his arms, looking at Davis like he was defending a noble cause.

Part of Davis wanted to stand his ground and use this opportunity to teach the children that money wasn’t to be used on a whim and for impulsive purchases. But a softer part of him remembered being Elva’s age. His little sister was so shy and hesitant all the time, and she hardly asked for anything. She was the type of kid to say she did nothing at school, and he’d find out through a second source that she went on a field trip or won a competition (she was too cranky at the end of a school day to make conversation). Elva was always so perfectly well-behaved, but it was hard to discern good behavior from her being afraid to voice her needs sometimes.

“Elvie, don’t worry. I’ll save my money every time my mommy gives it to me. Five plus five plus five plus five is twenty. When I have four fives, I’ll buy you the slippers. 'Cause your big brother's selfish.”

“Hey,” Davis interrupted, “I am NOT selfish. Alright, here’s the deal.”

Elva and Jasper looked at him with wide and hopeful eyes.

“We’ll get the slippers and the plushie, but that’s it. That’s all you can buy today, Ellie. No more asking for things after.”

Elva nodded vigorously. “Okay.”

Davis stood up and straightened himself, and she hugged him.

He picked up the slippers from the ground and shook his head. He signaled to the children that he was heading out of the aisle, and they followed after him. Elva smiled happily as they walked, and Jasper began announcing to no one in particular, “We’re buying slippers for Elvie! They’re really fluffy and she’s gonna grow inside them!”

Davis sighed. Those two little conspirators. He was pretty certain Jasper had convinced Elva she needed one of those things or both. Now he was going to have to explain to his aunt why his five-year-old sister was clomping around the apartment in adult-sized slippers.

The three of them headed to the cashier, and Elva put the plushie on the conveyor belt. Davis helped Jasper pay for his ball with the money his mother gave him before reaching for his wallet to pay for some supplies and Elva’s things.

While waiting, Jasper spoke to the cashier. “We’re buying slippers for my best friend, Elvie. They’re too big for her now, but she’ll grow inside them when she’s a grown-up. And also, this plushie is for her. It’s only five. My mommy gave me five dollars because I’m five, and I bought this bouncy ball. Wanna see?”

Jasper bounced the ball on the floor next to the cashier and caught it quickly. “It can bounce really high. Elvie’s new slippers are fluffy. Her butterfly slippers from her Aunt Mari are not fluffy.”

The cashier gave him a faint smile and replied with a quiet, “That’s nice,” and continued checking out Elva’s things.

Jasper looked at her. She only said two words!

“You’re like Elvie when she’s grown up,” he mused. “Elvie doesn’t talk a lot, she has to be comf’table first. But she can talk like really a lot with me, her brother, and her aunt.”

The lady smiled.

Elva stood silently beside them, hugging her new plushie. She peeked at the cashier and then looked at her shoes, embarrassed by all the talk about her.

The cashier handed Davis his change, looked at Elva, and said warmly, “Those are very nice slippers. You’ll grow into them someday.”

She gave the smallest nod, her cheeks turning pink.

Jasper took the bag with the slippers from Davis and offered Elva a handle. Her older brother helped hold on to her plushie and Jasper’s ball as the children carried the bag together out of the store.

—

“Can we open the bag now?” Jasper asked as Davis tried to remember where he’d parked.

“In the car,” Davis said firmly. “Not now.”

Jasper huffed but obeyed.

Once they entered the car and everyone was buckled up, Elva took her new slippers out of the bag and ran her hand across the purple fur.

“Dave, when we get home, Elvie’s gonna try the slippers on, right?”

—

When they finally got back to the apartment, Aunt Mari and the aroma of lasagna greeted them at the door.

“Hi, Aunt Mari,” Elva said, kicking off her shoes and walking to Mari to give her a hug.

“Hi, baby,” she cooed, “What’s in the bag?”

“Slippers,” Davis said. “They’re for adults, but she can grow into them.”

Jasper pulled Elva to the carpet.

“Okay, Elvie, sit,” he commanded.

Elva sat down, and Davis and Mari followed after. Jasper took one slipper out of the bag and held it out for her.

“Put your foot in.”

Elva put her foot inside the slipper; it dangled off comically. She wiggled her toes inside.

“It’s soft,” she grinned.

Her aunt tried the other pair. “You’re right, sweetheart. Do you mind if I borrow these when I’m here?” Mari lived in the unit next door, but she had a spare key and came in to check on them so often that it felt like she lived there.

"You can borrow them all the time."

“Elvie, you gotta see if you can do this.” Jasper shuffled on the carpet.

“Those slippers look like they’re eating your whole foot, Ellie,” Davis chuckled.

“They’re fluffy.”

“She’ll grow inside them,” Jasper said reassuringly.

“Be careful not to run in them, sweetheart, or you’ll fall and get an ouchie,” Aunt Mari added.

Jasper bounced his ball on the carpet, but its fall was too cushioned for it to spring back up. “You got new slippers and a plushie," he beamed. "This is the best day ever!”

Elva’s POV

Elva paced back and forth in her room, wearing well-worn fluffy purple slippers. The fabric was so flattened from use that the outline of her feet had been permanently stomped in.

She was really going to do it. She was going to meet Flamealchemist. She had made the decision with a sound mind days after fully recovering from her cold. If all of this went wrong, she couldn’t blame it on a fever anymore.

Elva sat back down at her computer, continued where she had left off in Minecraft, then picked her phone up from her desk, trying not to freak out over how she’d asked Jasper if he could accompany her on what was essentially a meet-up with himself.

Jasper had switched to their personal chat in the messaging app.

Jasper: What kind of online friend are we talking about? Elvie, you have to be careful with strangers on the internet.

Elva: just a pen pal… chill. i’ve known him for a while

Elva watched the dots indicating that Jasper was typing appear and disappear and appear again.

Jasper: Alright. You pick the time. I’ll come with you

Her Jasper. Pragmatic and no nonsense as usual.

She opened Tumblr to check if Flamealchemist had said anything.

flamealchemist: i bet you’re as cute as your sneezes in person ❤️

She threw her phone onto her bed, hit Jasper in Minecraft with her sword, and dug straight down into lava.

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

On the days leading up to meeting Flamealchemist, Elva had suddenly become very conscious of her appearance. She’d been getting into the routine of lathering her skin with lotion, and she even shaved her legs recently, thinking about making a good impression. She had a reason for going back to every aspect of self-care that she’d neglected over the course of finals season now that she was going to meet her Tum—

Fuck.

Knowing Jasper was Flamealchemist didn’t erase the terror and mortification that came with having your secret exposed. She thought about when he was sick a while ago, and he’d sent her a voice note before she went over to send him a care package. Elva had to physically restrain herself from thinking about the sniffles he peppered in between every other sentence. It made her horny and guilty, and she felt like a terrible person for thinking that way about her best friend—and then she realized he probably did that on purpose!

Ugh!

He knew all along! Jaz, you bastard! She felt her eyes prick with tears of embarrassment. Even though he had the kink too, it didn’t help that she’d spent almost a month overthinking if he saw the damned URL or not, and now she had to come to terms with the fact that he DID, and she had been kidding herself by thinking otherwise. She imagined how ruined her life would be if he didn’t have the fetish and saw the URL. Then she wouldn’t have Flamealchemist. All of this was making her dizzy.

She scrolled through their conversations before she knew Flamealchemist’s identity.

wisteriuh: no gf… so, what's your type then?

flamealchemist: smart, quiet, stoic

wisteriuh: you wouldn't find someone quiet boring?

Elva’s quiet nature was somewhat of an insecurity of hers. She didn't open up easily and only spoke when she had something to say. People had accused her of being stuck-up and antisocial, and assumed she didn't like talking. She did, with the right people.

flamealchemist: not at all. most quiet people i know are very interesting once you get to know them

She wanted to cry. Jasper didn't think she was boring? She'd assumed his tolerance for her awkwardness and stiffness in group settings was because they grew up together. She sometimes wondered if he saw it as an obligation because his mother was close to her Aunt Mari, and Davis was her favorite student back when she was still a math teacher before becoming the principal of their high school. Naturally, Deborah would want Jasper to be friends with her. Maybe he saw it as a brother-sister sort of thing.

flamealchemist: what about you? what's your type?

Elva thought for a moment.

wisteriuh: i don't know if i can say i have one? i don't think about it often

wisteriuh: but i'd say someone more outgoing than me who makes me laugh and feel safe. and maybe someone silly and goofy but competent at the same time

wisteriuh: like vash the stampede

Flamealchemist had replied to her twenty minutes later.

flamealchemist: that's funny. i know from your posts that you like vash but when chatting with you, you come off as someone who'd like someone intelligent, dark and broody

(Because the girl never falls for the goofy best friend.)

wisteriuh: what? i'm already broody enough in real life. i want someone who can make me laugh. plus, there's a lot of intelligence behind someone who can make people laugh

(Because a goofy person is also very sincere.)

flamealchemist: i can't say i'm much of a “thou shall not kill” person like vash. if i saw a roach in my bathroom, i'm totally eradicating that thing

wisteriuh: i— valid 😭

wisteriuh: so… are you and flowerbedhaze an item?

flamealchemist: flowerbed who?

wisteriuh: the person who wrote an allergy snz prompt and referenced your wav?

flamealchemist: sorry, who?

In hindsight, Elva felt so goddamn stupid for asking this now that Jasper’s big, fat crush was staring her in the face. When they were sixteen, they’d gone on a school camp, but were put in separate teams. She barely interacted with him then, but when they were alone and having lunch together in some random college’s cafeteria because their teacher took them as representatives for their computer science class to listen to a talk, she asked him repeatedly about the well-being of the two girls he spoke to at camp. It belatedly dawned upon her that it was a form of jealousy. Jasper, of course, had answered like a normal person who didn’t know what was going on in her head.

wisteriuh: nevermind

wisteriuh: okay, who's your celebrity crush? 3, 2, 1, go!

flamealchemist: padme amidala

wisteriuh: natalie portman??

flamealchemist: yes, her

wisteriuh: next?

flamealchemist: the lady from the girl with a dragon tattoo

wisteriuh: rooney mara?!

flamealchemist: why do you sound so surprised at these

wisteriuh: no… it's just really interesting to me. i wouldn't have guessed…

flamealchemist: how about you? or is it just fictional men that you like

wisteriuh: james mcavoy

(It took Jasper a quick Google search to see who that was.)

flamealchemist: mr tumnus????

wisteriuh: don't judge me 😭😭😭

Despite her initial intentions to humor and troll the guy, she ended up falling into the trap of irony. Everything she had said as a joke—the fake flirting, the “Thank you very much, I know 💅” type responses to his compliments—had all turned into very real feelings, and every question she’d asked him was a piece of the longing in her heart.

***

Jasper’s POV

Jasper placed a flowerpot in front of the little cottage Elva was building in Minecraft. He put a rose inside it, hoping she’d notice later. If this were real life, he’d be sneezing his head off, but for her it would be worth it—for varied reasons. Meanwhile, his crazy girl was busy putting out the flames on his house after she’d randomly decided to become an arsonist. He didn’t even question it because he probably deserved it.

He’d been consulting his girl-space-friends over his situation. He didn’t mention the kink, of course. Evana told him to man up and tell her. Another mutual friend of his and Elva’s, Beth, said that he had to be upfront and direct. His sister, Gracie, said he would be plain stupid if he didn’t confess to Elva this summer, and then she told their mother, and Jasper felt his soul leave his body. He didn’t get nervous easily, but all of this was doing a number on his poor nerves.

Couldn't his text messages as Flamealchemist suffice as a confession? He’d basically already told her that he liked her. Maybe he’d just meet Elva at the park, confirm he was who he was, and wait for her verdict. But the voices in his head (probably that of his girl-space-friends, sister, and mother) told him he had to tell her.

It was interesting. He was ninety-nine percent sure Wisteriuh was Elva, but what made him slightly skeptical was how receptive Wisteriuh was to compliments. His Elvie was always shrugging them off, and it frustrated him how she didn’t seem to believe what he saw in her.

“Elvie, for the love of god, take the compliment!” he’d say, and she’d respond with something that wasn’t entirely self-deprecating, but would deflect the praise. Like in high school when he’d told her she was smart, but she was just studying for standardized testing in the worst ways known to mankind. When he’d found out she studied math by solely reading the textbook and wondered why she was getting Ds all the time, he wanted to bonk her on the head with a soft swimming float noodle. She got defensive over him telling her she was wrong. “Well, I’m sorry I’m stupid then”. He’d deadpanned (was this girl for real?), ignored that, and told her to believe him because his parents were both educators.

“You’re just naturally smart, Jaz,” she’d say, and he’d tell her, “Elvie, I’m literally a product of my environment, my parents are teachers. I’m in the accelerated program because my mom had me doing first-grade math at five”. She'd eye-rollingly spun the “deflecting compliments” thing on him. Elva had to know that his ego was high up his ass; he wasn’t one for shrugging off praise. He was only stating the facts. He remembered being smug for a week when Elva’s test grades shot up to an A after he’d been making her do practice problems, watch walkthroughs on YouTube, and learn to apply the concepts she understood instead of lying in bed reading formulas. Elva studied like a researcher, someone who was allowed to have all these sources and references lying in front of them, not like someone going to take an exam.

Turning his attention back to his computer game, he saw that Elva had placed a cactus by his house and started throwing things out of her inventory onto it. Even Elvie, in her video game character form, was heartbreakingly adorable.

Chapter Text

Elva’s POV

Elva kept herself busy throughout the week. She was used to having the apartment to herself with her brother out at work and her aunt no longer having to check in regularly because she was an adult.

As a child, she used to spend afternoons at Lucky Cat while her aunt managed the diner. She'd filled in several coloring books to pass the time. Sometimes, her aunt had her wipe tables and tidy up the place after closing hours. Presently, Mari had someone to take shifts, and she would be next door baking or offering to take her shopping. 

So she spent her days doing house chores, reorganizing her room, reading books, picking up abandoned hobbies, and browsing the internet. 

And masturbating.

She'd just finished re-listening to mancold2. She turned over and saw her plushies: the small, Trigun Stampede knockoff version of Vash, and the skrunkly Trigun ‘98 one staring back at her. She told herself they weren't sentient when she masturbated.

After taking a cold shower, Elva sat at her desk and stared at the picture Mrs. Lorraine took of her and Jasper at a competition she was signed up for against her will. In hindsight, it was a good thing. She wished she hadn't been such a moody teenager about it.

Jasper was that kid who would miss classes because he was busy representing the school for all sorts of things. Mostly, it was voluntary. Yet, he still managed to maintain above-average grades. "My parents are teachers. It's expected of me," he'd tell her. Not everyone could carry those expectations and succeed, she'd thought, but kept it to herself to not inflate his ego. When asked how he managed, he'd casually say his energy simply didn't deplete easily, with that smug expression, and then he'd go on to sleep all weekend and doze off during classes or on the bus.

Despite being well-behaved with decent and occasionally excellent grades, she found herself at odds with the school environment. Most of the time, teachers would call her out on her lack of class participation and social awkwardness. One of them described her as robotic, and she'd spent the entire lesson holding back tears. Sometimes, she'd retain nothing from classes with lots of group discussions because she was so anxious. But Elva liked the strict teachers. They treated everyone equally and had something else to say about her during parent-teacher meetings, other than that she was an extremely quiet person. 

As she settled in bed for the night, she opened her journal and began to write, trying her hardest to keep herself from overthinking the coming Saturday.

***

Jasper’s POV

He and Wisteriuh were discussing their favorite art pieces.

flamealchemist: favorite piece of art?

wisteriuh: la llamada (the call) by remedios varo. you?

flamealchemist: surrealism fan, huh? mine’s the kiss by klimt

He sent her an image of the painting.

flamealchemist: what do you think? klimt was an amazing artist. he captured something special here

wisteriuh: it’s a very sweet painting… that lady looks like she’s enjoying the smooch and the guy looks like he’s enjoying doing the smooching

flamealchemist: i was thinking that this painting represents something deeper

flamealchemist: intimacy and tenderness. they look so lost in each other, like their love transcends physical boundaries. ever heard of soulmates?

wisteriuh: i’ve actually never really thought about kissing that way before. i find it hard to understand intimacy sometimes

wisteriuh: usually it’s depicted as something physical and i don’t really understand what you’re supposed to feel other than lust?

flamealchemist: each person experiences it differently. it’s not just about lust but trust and deep connection

wisteriuh: you sound very experienced

flamealchemist: it’s not like this with every partner i’ve had but i’ve never dated purely out of lust

wisteriuh: i’ve never really contemplated much on kissing. it looks so performative and i imagine it to be a little icky. like… saliva…? it’s kind of unsanitary

Jasper frowned. It wasn’t like Elva was calling him disgusting, but hearing this hurt.

flamealchemist: you’re focusing on the wrong thing. when you’re in the moment, saliva exchange is not something you think about too much. it’s more about the intimacy and connection shared between two people

Should he continue the conversation? It wasn’t going in the direction that he’d hoped for. The last thing he wanted to do was weird Elva out too much and risk her canceling their meet-up.

wisteriuh: don’t get me wrong, this klimt piece is very beautiful. it must be nice to have someone love you so deeply

wisteriuh: if i’m being honest, i can’t stand certain things that come with a relationship. those lovey-dovey names, the words bf and gf…

He was really trying to see where she was coming from. Elva had to know it was him now, right? Why was she saying this when they were going to meet up this weekend? It felt like he was being gutted like a fish.

flamealchemist: i get that lovey-dovey names can be really cheesy but that's just one way of expressing affection

flamealchemist: as for relationships, they’re not all about constant pda. it’s about finding someone who appreciates and respects your boundaries. when it’s the right person, even doing the little things together can be very fulfilling

wisteriuh: …you’re really wise all of a sudden

All this time, he’s been telling himself that he took his shot. But Elva seemed genuinely clueless.

He also realized that he missed taking art and history classes with her.

In their final year of high school, their schedules rarely intersected. He’d been jealous on multiple occasions, passing by her class and seeing her talk to Marvin. They were always talking during history. He had those thoughts every time a guy interacted with her, which wasn’t very often, but he remembered almost every single instance.

Once they were having a lesson outdoors. Nigel thought it would be funny to catch a grasshopper and release it in Elva’s direction. He was messing with the wrong person because her reaction was extremely underwhelming. When Nigel was busy scratching his head at her indifference, Jasper caught the grasshopper and pelted it back at him, and he tripped in front of the entire class. Elva had already walked off somewhere and didn’t see his heroic act of justice. His oblivious, oblivious girl…

He was being swayed by his emotions. This wasn’t good.

He needed to stay off Tumblr for a while. 

***

…Timeskip…

Elva’s POV

Elva woke up early on Saturday to take a shower, complete with every self-care ritual. She even washed her hair, despite having done it the night before, blow-dried it, and made an effort to style her outgrown bangs with a round brush.

She rummaged through her closet, thinking about what was appropriate to wear.

Her desk chair had become a monstrosity, with blouses, t-shirts, and various pants stacked on top of each other. She tried on a few dresses, but then thought of the bench at the park and how sticky her thighs could get with perspiration, and decided for comfort over something that might be perceived as more flattering.

She put on a striped black and white polo shirt and gray cotton-blend sweatpants. Stashed inside a recycled mini cookie tin, she found her rusty "V" necklace and fastened it around her neck. She was going to wear socks and closed-toe shoes, just in case Flamealchemist was somehow not Jasper. But she was fairly certain he was Jasper.

Elva had attempted winged eyeliner earlier because that seemed to be the trend among Jasper’s past girlfriends. But she didn’t know how to do it to suit her eye shape, and ended up wiping it off. She finalized her look of the day with a soft white fur bag and stuffed her belongings inside, then headed out of the apartment.

—

After much deliberation, she was really going to do this.

Elva didn’t listen to music on the way to the park. She had to be present. She didn’t want to mess this up.

On her way, she passed by a family with two toddlers who were chasing a pigeon. Flashes of memories played through her mind, the familiar atmosphere of the town echoing her childhood back at her. Once upon a time, she was the toddler chasing a pigeon with her best friend.

After today, everything was about to change. Elva didn’t know if she was completely ready for it, but she had to know if Jasper liked her or not. God, she longed to ask him to tell her what it was he liked about her in excruciating detail because she struggled to fathom it all.

flamealchemist: Can’t believe I’m actually going to meet you. Nervous lol

wisteriuh: yeah me too. just a reminder, my best friend is coming with me

Minutes later, she received texts from Jasper.

Jasper: Evla

Jasper: Wru?

Jasper: Come quick my hdans are full it’s hard to tyep

She picked up her speed and walked briskly to the park. After looking left and right like a suspicious madman, she spotted Jasper by a tree next to one of the benches. He was holding two drinks with his phone sandwiched in his armpit.

As she approached him, he extended a hand, passing her a cup. He was wearing his glasses today and a cap from the aquarium they visited as children. It was too big for him then, but fit him perfectly now. 

He leaned forward to be more eye level with her, and his glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose.

“Elva. You look like you’re about to be recruited into a secret society,” he said with an even tone and straight face.

“Where’s your cloak and dagger?” she replied, just as deadpan.

“Where’s your friend?” Jasper took a sip from his drink and folded an arm underneath his occupied hand.

Well, it’s you, you idiot.

“He’ll text when he’s here.”

“What does he look like?”

“Um. I don’t know. We never exchanged photos.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow, looking at her like she had no sense of self-preservation.

“Name?”

“We go by our usernames. They— he seemed normal.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

It’s you, you idiot.

Elva felt her eyes sting. Why was he acting like this? She was starting to lose faith. She looked at him, and it occurred to her that Jasper was way too normal for all of this. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she just wanted that internet stranger to be him. Flamealchemist might truly be some random guy with too much time on his hands, not her Jasper, who was so responsible and practical, and she was feeling really dumb because it really did seem like she was the stupid one here.

“You okay?”

Fuck you.

Ugh! This was so frustrating. Was she going to have to be the one to start? Why should it be her? He was the one who had a crush on her first! Elva’s hands tightened around her cup.

“Want me to stand somewhere else? Like behind a tree or something?” he offered, sensing her nerves.

“No. You can sit on the bench. Don’t look like you’re on a stakeout.”

He raised his hands. “Noted. I’ll try not to be the world’s most obvious bodyguard.”

While he moved away, she snuck a glance at her phone. No new notifications. No messages from Flamealchemist. Her heart thudded in her ears. She was going to be in so much trouble if she was wrong. What if she’d dragged Jasper into danger, and some creepy man was about to show up? Not only would they have to deal with a stranger, but she would have a lot of explaining to do.

What made things worse was that Jasper seemed completely serious. No teasing, no nothing. He wasn’t even checking his phone.

It wasn’t fair. He started it.

Men were so complicated. Always pretending to be nonchalant. Always stalling, waiting, and laughing in the face of sincerity and genuine feelings.

Elva wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence or address the massive elephant in the room.

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

Jasper heard a clicking metallic sound.

“I brought a pocket knife,” Elva said as she unsheathed the small blade. “Just in case.”

It was almost laughable. He knew she wouldn’t agree to this if she didn’t know he was her Tumblr mutual. She had to know.

Dear god, she was not making this easy for him.

She put the knife back in her bag and then reached for her phone.

He watched her fidget like her soul might wring itself out of her body. She’d been incredibly restless and antsy, and he felt like his own soul might jump out, too.

They were sitting here waiting for someone who didn’t exist. Every time Jasper pretended not to pay attention, Elva would whip out her phone, check Tumblr, and then slide it back into her pocket again, and the cycle would repeat every few minutes.

What was he going to say? “Elvie, I’m Flamealchemist. I’ve also been in love with you since I was thirteen. Nice weather today?”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She looked like she might combust.

***

Elva’s POV

When she left to use the bathroom at Lucky Cat, she received a text from Flamealchemist.

flamealchemist: i’m here

Yes, she knew.

That was all he said. What else was she supposed to say? That she knew his identity already? No!

She washed her hands and quickly walked back to the park.

Jasper was still there, arms folded and glancing at the ducks waddling in and out of the water.

She sat back down next to him and opened Tumblr for the millionth time. She tilted the screen slightly, hiding it from his view. Her mind was plagued with doubts. Flamealchemist was Jasper… right?? Because if it wasn’t him, she was going to spontaneously combust and die with shame and pepper spray in her pocket. (And if it was him, she was still going to die either way.)

wisteriuh: okay. tell me something that i know

If she didn’t make any attempt to prompt him, she would be here all afternoon.

***

Jasper’s POV

wisteriuh: okay. tell me something that i know

He took a double-take. It wasn’t “tell me something that I don’t know” but Tell me something that I know. Elva had finally learned to respond to his hints.

Dear heavens. They were going to be at this park until sundown.

He felt like he was going to pass out right here on this very bench.

Elva was still skeptical. He couldn’t blame her. She was only being cautious, and he had to give her some credit. Despite being a little twitchy, she was still brave enough to show up. Currently, he wasn’t brave enough to utter a single word to her.

Maybe on the outside it didn’t look like it, because his legs were stretched out and his face looked cool and bored, but he was just as much of a nervous wreck as she was. Possibly even more. He had everything to lose.

His Elvie was staring very intently at her phone. Waiting.

He cracked his knuckles. He was still sitting here pretending like he only came for moral support when he was this Flamealchemist guy they were waiting on. Suddenly, the neck of his white Adidas jersey started to feel tight. He tugged it forward, then stretched his arms.

He was waiting for Elva to speak. Perhaps tell him off for manspreading, his last resort at feigning confidence. Countless memories with Elva raced through his mind. The bus ride home when she slept with her head on his shoulder. Their last Minecraft session where she attempted to burn his house down, but ended up putting out the fire because she felt guilty about it. When they went to the aquarium together after a half day at school in their first grade. He’d gotten suspended that day for punching a kid, defending Elva, and while his mother was deeply disappointed in him, it somehow led to an outing. He got a new cap, and she got a stingray plush at the end of the trip.

His girl was waiting. It was now or never.

flamealchemist: the wordle for may 4th was “trout”

flamealchemist: it’s me elvie

***

Elva’s POV

Flamealchemist sent her two messages, but the only thing she saw was Elvie.

She never revealed her name online, let alone her nickname. She clutched her phone tightly, her entire body frozen in shock, even though she knew Flamealchemist was Jasper.

Her neck felt stiff, her head felt hot, and the bottom of her lip trembled. She tried hard to stop it, but tears had already begun trickling down her cheeks, and she had to bite her lip to stop a sob in its tracks. She didn’t mean to cry. Why was she even crying?

From the corner of her eye, she could see Jasper pretending to scroll through his phone, pretending not to notice the waterworks.

***

Jasper’s POV

A million error messages were popping up inside his head, saying: You've really done it now.

A minute after he sent those texts, Elva silently burst into tears. He witnessed the floodgates opening and didn’t even know it was humanly possible for someone’s tears to spurt out like that.

Jasper slid his phone back into his pocket and quickly moved to hold Elva’s drink before she spilled it. Some of the passers-by shot them suspicious glances because her face had gotten so red, and he was standing in front of her with his mouth opening and closing.

He’d expected her to hit him repeatedly with her bag, like in the movies, not tears. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her panic and cry.

Jasper had a lot of explaining to do, but first, they needed to get out of the park and away from prying eyes.

After Elva stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder, he reached out his hand, waiting to see if she’d take it. She did, and they started walking.

He wasn’t sure how to gauge the situation. Was she mad? Upset? Was he too audacious to hope that these were happy tears?

“Elva, I’m sorry,” he started as they walked to her apartment. “I wasn’t messing with you. I swear. I planned to tell you, I—”

Another choked sob.

Way to go, Jaz. You’re really killing it.

He shut his mouth.

Elva sniffled and wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

“I thought you didn’t like me.”

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

“I thought you didn’t like me.”

He swore Elva was living on an entirely different planet because what on Earth gave her the impression that he didn’t like her? All this time, he thought he was being extremely overt.

When they reached the door to her apartment, he offered to hold her drink so she could get her keys.

Earlier at the park, before everything had gone completely wrong, a middle-aged man had walked toward their bench. Elva’s eyes had widened, and she shoved her hand inside her pocket, readying the pepper spray. And then the man’s child ran up to him from behind them, and Elva breathed a sigh of relief. Jasper would’ve been laughing his ass off if it weren’t for the fact that he was so nervous about confessing to her. He would’ve teased her if he weren’t the Flamealchemist she was so apprehensive about meeting.

Tears were still streaming down Elva’s face as she rummaged for her keys. He didn’t even know where to begin with explaining all of this.

Little Jasper’s face contorted into a scowl.

A moment ago, Elva had lost the game of Jenga they were playing. As the block tower fell over, in the heat of victory, he had proclaimed himself the winner and her the loser. All of a sudden, she started crying. Her older brother then scooped her into his arms and began comforting her.

Jasper was deeply disturbed by her reaction.

“Elvie,” he said with the intention to scold, “People who cry are babies. You’re five.” It was big talk for someone who was only four a few months ago.

“My mommy said people who cry are babies and they’re UGLY.” He added. He’d learned somewhere that beginning a statement with “my mommy said” increased his credibility. He was also in a phase of calling everything that displeased him ugly.

“Jasper!” Deborah, who was sitting on the couch watching the drama unfold, gasped. “I did not say that!” She walked over and gently rubbed Elva’s back. “It’s alright, dear. It’s okay to cry.”

Jasper crossed his eyebrows. In his opinion, tears were completely unnecessary here. He felt guilty, but didn’t understand his emotions yet.

The two of them were very dramatic children in their own ways.

“Elvie, if you don’t stop crying, you can’t play with my slinky. You also can’t be my best friend, only my friend. And also, you can’t see my new brother when he’s born,” he said warningly.

It only made Elva’s tears intensify, and she started sobbing loudly.

Jasper had called her a loser. To her, words could never be just words. Loser held so many negative connotations. Loser meant she was bad at Jenga. Loser meant she was the kid no one wanted to be friends with. Loser meant she was someone to be laughed at and made fun of.

Aunt Mari came up to her and kissed her hair.

“Baby. I’m sure Jasper didn’t mean what he said.”

“Little boys never do. They’re terrible with words,” her big brother quipped.

“You didn’t mean that, right, Jaz?” Mari asked helpfully.

“No. Elvie is a loser.”

All the adults in the room facepalmed.

Jasper didn’t like this. Why were there suddenly so many people watching him and Elva? Being supervised meant someone was a bad kid. Like his three-year-old sister, Grace. She couldn’t be alone without being watched, or else she would run off somewhere.

“People who cry are babies and they’re uglieee,” Jasper said in a sing-song voice. He genuinely didn’t understand what the big deal was about. To him, words were quite literal. Loser meant a person who lost the game, and that’s what Elva was.

He scrunched up his nose and crossed his arms. All she was doing was making her brother’s shirt wet.

“Okay,” Davis said, trying again, “what you meant by ‘loser’ is that Elva was someone who lost the game, right?”

He nodded vigorously. “Yeah! But if Elvie wins next time, she’s the winner and I’m the loser.”

Jasper picked up a crayon to write something on one of the A4 papers that was on the coffee table.

“Mommy? How do you spell Elvie?”

“Big E, then small letters: l-v-i-e.”

In messy handwriting, he scrawled:

Elvie im sory dont crry YOu loook relly sleppy

(What Jasper probably meant was that her eyes looked sad and droopy, and he didn’t like seeing her like this.)

Elva wiped her eyes and looked at him. The misspelled words were enough to snap her out of her emotional outburst.

“See, baby? He didn’t mean it.” Davis rubbed her stomach up and down and bounced her lightly on his lap. He moved her onto his left leg and motioned for Jasper to sit on his right one. The boy quickly climbed onto him and rested his head against his shoulder.

“So, Jaz,” he changed the topic, “how’s kindergarten been? El said you helped her with some bullies.”

He bit his lip. He felt a mixture of pride and discomfort at the memory.

“Yeah… But I shouted.”

His mother sighed loudly.

“Mommy, but they were making fun of Elvie!”

“Next time, tell the teacher.”

“I did! But the teacher didn’t do anything, so I had to shout. They were really scared of me, right, Elvie?”

Elva was busy using her brother’s shirt to wipe her eyes.

He grinned, satisfied with himself. “Miss Paynter didn’t let me go to play-break and made me do my math homework, but she forgot that I’m really smart. Also, I can count to one hundred.”

“Thank you for helping Elva, sweetie.” Mari patted his shoulder.

“I have ten best friends at school, and everyone else is my friend. Elvie is my first best friend, but she might be my second best friend, and Ali will be my first best friend because Elvie is a crybaby.”

Thankfully, Davis had covered his sister’s ears before she heard that.

He was briefly distracted by a spherical object on the coffee table. He climbed off Davis' lap.

“I really like this roller coaster at your house,” he said to Davis. He spun the coaster, and it rolled off the table. “The one at my house doesn’t do anything.”

The wooden coaster had officially earned the Jasper stamp of approval. Any practical object that could substitute as a toy was of the highest quality in his eyes.

“Hey, Elvie? Do you want to hold my baby sister? But she’s really fid-get-y.”

Jasper stood up and walked to the couch to get three-year-old Gracie.

“Ow! OW!” he yelled as she pulled his hair while he carried her to Elva. She stopped flailing around once she was in Elva’s arms.

Elva put her arms around his sister, who was oddly still and calm in her lap. She even smiled at her.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Jasper stomped his foot.

Elva’s POV

She was in the middle of unlocking the grill door when her aunt stepped outside of the unit next door. It was hard to put the key in because her vision was blurry. The padlock had been clanging back and forth, incessantly sounding out her struggle.

“Elva?”

Mari’s face instantly twisted into worry when she saw her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

“What did you do?” she scowled at Jasper.

This was giving her déjà vu, except that wasn’t the actual case. When they were sixteen, she’d been here in this exact position, struggling to unlock the door, but back then, she had been annoyed at Jasper. Fuck you, she’d said aloud, and directed at him. To her inconvenience, it was right when her aunt was about to head out.

“Elva! We don’t do that here!”

She’d been scolded pretty badly for swearing. When Mari made her apologize, Jasper had been standing there with his cheeks puffed out, trying not to laugh.

“Well… I guess I can forgive you for those foul, foul words you said to me.” He’d said, snickering at her reluctant apology with his hand over his heart as if he hadn’t been the one to piss her off in the first place.

Right now, Mari was shooting daggers at him while Elva managed to slip the key correctly into the lock. It didn’t help that Jasper was holding two melting iced drinks in his hands and looking so guilty.

“He didn’t do anything, Aunt Mari,” she sniffed.

Elva dragged Jasper by the elbow and guided him into the house, and then went back out to explain to her aunt.

“I’m fine. I was just emotional over something. Jaz is staying over.”

“Alright, sweetie,” she replied skeptically. “I’m right next door if you need me, just give me a shout. The walls are thin.”

“Okay.”

“Come over for dinner if you’d like. Bring him, too.”

“Okay.”

Mari squeezed her shoulder, looked at her for a long moment, and then headed back inside. Elva had always been an independent child. She trusted her to make sound judgment.

Elva sighed and headed inside.

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

Jasper wasn’t used to feeling so unsure of himself and anxious. Confidence came to him somewhat naturally, but he’d also had a lot of practice. Elva didn’t know how many little things she’d said influenced his inclinations. She’d told him when they were children that he had a good, loud-and-clear voice when he read, and since then, he’d always been volunteering himself for reading aloud in class, which eventually shifted to joining the debate club and giving assembly speeches.

Was this how Elva felt all the time with her anxiety? It was horrible to go about your day feeling like you were being hunted for sport.

Currently, Elva was lying on the couch with her head in his lap, and he was carding his fingers through her hair. He’d asked her a few questions, ranging from “Are you mad at me?” to “Are you okay, Elvie?”, all of which she’d responded with a muffled and inconclusive “Yes” because a cushion was pressed over her face, and he had no idea if she was even really listening. He felt like the world’s worst therapist. His patient was experiencing all five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—while actively extinguishing herself in front of him.

“Elvie!” He pulled her hands from her face. It was very red with lines from the fabric pattern of the cushion. “Stop it, you’ll suffocate!”

She shook him off and continued pressing the damned thing over her face. Great. World’s worst therapist, with his license soon to be revoked because his patient perished from pillow suffocation.

Jasper was a hundred percent certain Elva’s family would call the cops on him. He’d have to explain the cause of her demise. Why did she do it? Because she’d been outed for having a sneezing kink. Her ghost would come back to haunt him and curse every generation after him. Yes, he was certain Davis and Mari would call the cops, have him jailed for life, and try to sue because Elva was the baby of her family.

Never had he ever found it so difficult to begin a conversation. But he had to try.

“Elvie, if you… hypothetically knew a guy who you liked a lot, and you knew he liked you back, and hypothetically he wanted to do things like kiss and hold your hand and stuff like that, would you let him do that? Even though you’re aro-something. I forgot. Hypothetically, it’s also okay if you don’t want either of those things, but hypothetically, the guy would still like to be with you.”

“…that’s a lot of hypotheticals.”

Phew. At least he was getting somewhere.

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to feel tricked. Or pressured. Or that I only liked you for who you were online.” He began carding his fingers through her hair again. “I liked you way before any of that.”

She fully removed the pillow from her face.

“You liked Flamealchemist because he listened and accepted you for you. I always have and always will.”

He waited for her to speak, cry, shout, or throw the pillow at his head.

***

Elva’s POV

“I didn’t like Flamealchemist just because of that,” she began in a shaky voice. “I liked him because he made it clear what he felt about me. He told me he liked me. You never did. And you started it.”

Jasper looked stunned and dumbfounded.

“I thought you didn’t like me seriously,” she elaborated. “You never said anything, and then you’d try some odd tactic or say something sweet, but then laugh it off like it was never supposed to mean anything. I didn’t want to assume anything because I would look really stupid if I were wrong. And I didn’t want to risk losing my best friend.”

“Elvie, I’ve tried to tell you multiple times. But I didn’t want to pressure you. And I wasn’t sure if you were into guys or if you were into me.”

Elva almost opened her mouth to say something, but then it occurred to her that Jasper didn’t stop crushing on her even when she cut all her hair off last December and was mistaken for a prepubescent boy on a few occasions. She sat up to face him properly. How he felt about her was all over his face, and she didn’t know why she couldn’t see it before.

“I’ve tried to tell you multiple times.”

Thinking about it, when they were in a coding competition in high school, he’d coded a heart on the LED display of their Raspberry Pi. She’d said, Cool, bro, and he changed it to the flag of Japan. He’d been sending her hearts as Flamealchemist, but she’d assumed they were somehow platonic. She bit her lip. Had she really been that oblivious?

***

Jasper’s POV

Part of him had always wondered if Elva needed someone who was more on her wavelength. They took in stimulation differently. She preferred less, he preferred more. Maybe she needed someone who was also an introvert. (He could never compete with those cool, dark, and mysterious men who seemed wiser and more intelligent than he could ever be.)

He was also pretty irritated. What did Elva mean by he didn’t tell her?

“Elvie, last night I sent you a picture of The Kiss on Tumblr, and then you said you thought kissing was gross. You also said you couldn’t stand couple-y things. That didn’t inspire a lot of confidence.”

“Jaz...”

“Every time I got close to telling you, you shut me down.”

“Jaz, I’m sorry. Please believe me when I tell you that I’ve never had to think much about these things. I didn’t know how much saying that would hurt you.”

He sighed. She looked like she was about to cry again.

He thought about what she said about kissing and lust.

“To make things crystal clear, you don’t think I want all of this with you just because you’re physically present and willing?”

She shook her head. “No.”

He wanted her to be certain about this. He gently took her hand.

“Elvie, it was never about all that with you. I’ve wanted you for a really long time.”

“…No children.”

“What?” Jasper couldn’t help but crack up.

“If it’s you and me forever, I don’t want children.”

“Okay, Elvie,” he grinned.

“And no calling me ‘babe’,” she shuddered, “Or ‘baby’. My aunt calls me that. It’s just weird.”

“Noted. How about ‘my love’?”

“…Acceptable.”

She gasped when he hugged her abruptly. He felt like the happiest man on Earth.

***

Elva’s POV

"The other girls? You've had other girlfriends."

"Vie," he said as if shortening her name would reach her faster, "None of them were you."

All of this was so, so stupid. She could imagine Mrs. Lorraine's face and her screaming with glee because her matchmaking had finally paid off.

“How long have you known?” Jasper asked.

“Since the first message about my Trigun fic.”

“Elvie!” he gasped.

“It was only an inkling. I wasn’t 100% sure it was you.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t figure me out sooner,” he teased. “You’re supposed to be the observant one.”

“I was busy,” she muttered. “Having a crisis.”

Jasper burst out laughing. He seemed so giddy and happy, it was surreal that she was the one to be causing this reaction. It made her soft.

If he was going to bare his whole heart to her like this, she wanted to meet him halfway.

She kissed him.

It was clumsy and hesitant, and her lips missed and only grazed the corner of his mouth. She wasn’t sure if that was how it was supposed to go, but she thought she had to do it after everything Jasper had just said.

He pulled back almost immediately.

His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were warm, startled, and impossibly full of adoration.

“Elvie,” he said, brushing his knuckles under her chin. “You don’t have to force it. Not with me.”

His voice was so incredibly soft that she felt something crack open inside her chest.

He leaned forward. “May I?”

She nodded.

Jasper cupped his hand over one of her cheeks and softly pressed his lips against hers. The kiss he gave wasn’t like the one she tried (failed?) to give him. It was deliberate, sure, and reverent.

Elva was pretty sure she was going to start crying again.

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

They were having a serious discussion in Elva’s living room now that the air had been cleared.

“Elvie, don’t lie to me. I saw how you looked at the silver screen when Kylo Ren entered the scene. I could never compete with that.”

“JAZ!!!” she cried. “Oh my god, just because I found a guy visually attractive doesn’t mean I want him as my boyfriend!”

“Girl, you are a teller of untruths. What about Zayn from our chemistry class?” He raised an eyebrow, looking her up and down like this was an interrogation. But the person being interrogated and the person doing the interrogating were both wearing clown wigs.

“He was just aesthetically pleasing. God, Jaz, that doesn’t mean I want him!! And he has a girlfriend!”

“Aesthetically pleasing is usually how it starts.”

“No it’s not. That's not how it works.”

“Yes it is, for most people.”

“Well, I’m not most people!!”

***

Elva’s POV

“I thought you were a porn blog. I almost blocked you.”

“Well, technically…”

“Look. Your blog looks like a bot.” She showed him his blog with the default header and profile picture, and then put her phone back on the cushion.

"But I put my age in bio." He grinned.

She was going through a roller coaster of emotions. Jasper had just confessed to her, and she was in the middle of processing it all. Her heart was beating abnormally fast, and it was hard with him in front of her, looking like the physical embodiment of sunshine. It was making her feel light-headed.

She still wasn’t done with being mildly angry at him.

She picked her phone back up and scrolled through his Tumblr blog.

“What’s this?” She tilted her phone screen toward him. He’d reblogged an allergy wav from flowerbedhaze dated April 1st.

flamealchemist: 🥵

"What the hell is that?!"

Jasper started cackling.

“Wait, I thought I deleted that.”

He scrolled through his Tumblr, looking through each post he'd reblogged, snickering.

"I swear I got rid of them all." He scratched his head.

“There’s more???”

Elva grabbed him by the neck, and he pretended to make noises of suffocation. "You said you didn’t know Flowerbedhaze!"

She let him go, and he doubled over in laughter.

“Elvie,” he wheezed, “I swear. I have no idea who she is.”

“She wrote an allergy bit about you!”

“Elvie, I swear on my mother’s life, I do not know who that lady is. I just happened to listen to her wav that one time.”

He fiddled with his phone and then showed it to her.

flowerbedhaze:

[spring allergies 🌼]

flamealchemist 🔁 flowerbedhaze

“There. I removed the emoji.”

“Her audio is still on your blog.”

“Elvie. Let a man live. I love you and only want you. Not Flowerbed whoever she is.”

“You answered her ask…”

“Hers was one among many. Those were like spam mail to me.”

“Your entire blog is like spam mail! Who even has that many allergy recordings and answers every single ask?? Your whole blog is just wavs and asks!!!”

His lips quirked. “You stalked me.”

He scrolled through his phone and read aloud.

“’Your cold wav is my favorite’,” he smirked, “’I’m in love with my handsome best friend but will not admit it’.”

“WHAT?!” She smushed a pillow over his taunting, smug face. “I NEVER SAID THAT!”

“Mmf—” he pushed the pillow away. “You said the cold wav part!”

She covered her face. “Please don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” He smiled, soft and genuine. “Elvie, not at you. I’m laughing at the situation.”

“Jaz, you started it. You started the crush…”

“I know, Vie. I should’ve told you earlier.”

“Hmph.”

“What was the thing you said on the Forum about your best friend having a nice nose?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“JAZ!”

Maybe Elva had died and landed herself in… whatever this was. It was ridiculous, but she wasn’t complaining.

Chapter Text

If anyone made it this far, sorry for shitposting. I just rediscovered Beast Wars, and this had me laughing my ass off it lowkey reminded me of Jasper and Elva 😭

Chapter Text

Jasper’s POV

Jasper fanned Elva’s face with his hand. She seemed to acquire a permanently rosy complexion since her emotional outburst at the park. He was glad her older brother was on a work trip and wasn’t around to walk in on them like this.

“Elvie, I swear, I do not know who Flowergirl is. I have one thousand followers. It’s hard to keep track of them all.”

“One thousand??” Elva stared at him in disbelief. “Where did all those people come from?!”

He was having way too much fun for someone who had been cowardly for half the day. He felt so light-hearted and giddy, and did he mention that he received a kiss from Miss Elvie?

“I don't know. My blog has been dormant for a year,” he smiled. “Until I discovered that yo—”

Elva placed a hand over his mouth. “NO!” she blushed, followed by a pained screech.

“MmPhf—” He pushed her hand away. “Elvie!”

She took a deep breath, trying her best not to hyperventilate.

“Be real here, Elvs, do you remember every single user that interacted with your blog or that you interacted with?”

“No.”

“See? That’s all there is to it with me and Flowermaze.”

“You keep saying her username wrong. It’s Flowerbedhaze.”

“Well, you seem to be a fan of her.”

“Jaz!” She grabbed his shirt with both hands. He chuckled and calmly pried them off.

All of a sudden, they heard a knock on the wall coming from Mari’s unit.

You okay, Elva?

Right. The walls were thin.

Elva slapped her hand over her mouth and looked at him with eyes so wide they might pop out of their sockets.

Elva?

“I’m fine, Aunt Mari!” she hollered.

Elva growled at him, then stood up from the couch. She took his hand and began dragging him to her bedroom.

He couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.

—

All the shrieking, laughing, and joking must’ve drained Elva’s social battery because they were lying in her bed, and she was actively dozing off beside him.

This had to be one of the best days of his entire life.

“Elvie.”

“Hm?”

“Maybe you should change your username on Tumblr to SneezyElvie.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Okay. Can I tell my followers that I pulled Wisteriuh?”

“I don’t think anyone knows who I am; it’s not much of a flex.”

“You’d be surprised to find that there are silent admirers.”

“I’ve already had enough trouble dealing with you.”

Elva yawned and tangled her legs with his, which he was very in favor of. Where did she learn this? He didn’t know she could be so snugly, though perhaps this was merely her way of getting comfortable.

“This is nice,” he grinned.

“Mm.”

He ran his fingers through her hair, thinking about how this was better than anything he’d ever dreamed of with her.

***

Elva’s POV

Elva dragged her stupid, gloating boy-whatever into her bedroom. It was neat and tidy, save for her desk chair, which looked like something that would give someone a heart attack if they saw it in a dimly lit room in the middle of the night.

“Elva,” Jasper asked quietly, “did you have a breakdown?”

She sighed. Boys. They didn’t know anything.

“Yes.”

He pushed up his glasses, opened his mouth, and promptly shut it like the sensible person he was.

They sat down on her queen-sized bed, and Jasper stared at her two Vash plushes.

He grumbled. “…Do you always have an audience?”

“They’re very good at minding their own business, but I can turn them over if you’d like.”

“Elvie, I think your soul is bonded to the smaller Vash. That’s going to be a haunted doll when we leave this world.”

She lay down and rested her head on her pillow. Jasper’s presence made her feel so safe that she felt oddly inclined to close her eyes and retire after an emotionally eventful day.

He plopped his head happily on the pillow beside her. She was facing the opposite direction, and he began playing with her hair.

She turned to face him but kept her eyes closed.

“Hey, Elvie?” he grinned.

“Hmm?”

“Yesterday, my fish, Neo and Trinity? They kissed,” she could hear the self-satisfaction in his voice. “It was definitely a sign.”

“Mm.”

“Now that I think about it, you’re more of a Neo than a Trinity…”

Elva cracked an eye open. “And you’re Trinity? You’re more like Agent Smith.”

Jasper started giggling. Was that funny? She didn’t understand how she was causing this reaction out of him. She had yet to properly understand why he liked her, but figured that now wasn't the time to play 21 Questions and expect detailed, elaborate answers. Thinking about how Jasper had been pining for her for so long, she had to cut him some slack.

“Cool and mysterious like Hugo Weaving? I fail to see how that is an insult.”

“No. Not that version. The Jonathan Groff version.”

He laughed and smushed his face into the pillow. Elva couldn’t pretend that she didn’t find all this extremely endearing.

“I still fail to see how that is an insult,” he chuckled, “I’m kind of like Morpheus, don’t you think?”

“You’re like the Merovingian.”

Jasper couldn’t stop laughing at every other offhand comment she made. It was true what her girlfriends said; when someone really liked you, all you had to do was exist. She wasn’t even trying to be witty, and here he was, so giddy and happy to talk to her. Where others saw empty hallways, he saw museums, and it only made her want to protect his heart even more.

“The Wachowski sisters should create a new character after you,” she mumbled, “A Jasper. Some type of malicious software.”

“Imagine me duplicating myself.”

Elva opened her eyes, they looked at each other, and burst into a fit of laughter.

—

“Are you sure you didn’t have a type, Elvie?” Jasper asked as he laced his fingers through hers.

“Everyone thinks they know what they’re looking for, but no one really knows what or who they want. Not until it’s right in front of them.”

“And this is what you want?”

Elva curled closer to him and pressed the back of his hand against her cheek.

“Yes, this is what I want.”

***

Jasper’s POV

Now that the laughter had died down, he and Elva were enjoying a comfortable silence. He was sure she was about to fall asleep, when…

“I’ve, um,” she said quietly, “been getting into allergy sneezes lately.”

He blinked. He did NOT expect that.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “Because of your wavs.”

Her direct admission caught him off guard. This was Wisteriuh. He had no idea what to do with this information or how to feel about this side of Elva that he’d been so enticed by online. 

His Elvie, who for the past month had been wrestling with guilt and shame over her kink and would literally turn away if he even mouthed the word sneeze, was telling him point-blank that his wavs had changed her preferences.

“Elvie,” his voice came out strained. “…You can’t just say stuff like that.”

She propped herself up on her elbow.

“I thought we just unlocked a new level in our relationship and we’re being open now?”

Her tone sounded… teasing?

Jasper’s voice cracked. “I— I… You’re killing me.”

He’d spent years running away from his feelings. When he finally confessed, he thought that was vulnerability. But this? Elva, allowing him to know her whole and trusting him with all her heart?

“…I have chhinkni in my drawer and a feather duster in my closet.”

“ELVIE!” They both sat up, and he gently shook her by the shoulders. She was smiling like the true queen of nonchalance.

***

Elva’s POV

She’d always thought Jasper would forever be the one to fluster her. So confident, composed, and self-assured…

But now that everything was out in the open, he suddenly seemed to be oddly bashful, and he was… blushing? Elva had never seen him blush before.

“Jaz,” she grinned. Jasper Reid was blushing.

“Elva Lin, don’t you say another word.” He covered her face with her stingray plush.

She pushed it away. “This is fun.”

“Now don’t you gloat—”

“Jaz,” she said smugly, “Remember that time I wore that white dress to Gracie’s recital and everyone said I looked like your date?”

“You did look like my date.”

“But you didn’t blush.”

He opened his mouth, closed it, then muttered, “I was dying internally. This is revenge, isn’t it?”

“I spent a whole month with a program running in the back of my mind that I couldn’t kill. I kept thinking about whether you saw my search history or not, and if I had just ruined my life by being careless like that. I was so afraid.”

”Elvie…”

”Let’s take chhinkni together?” 

Jasper bristled.

“Okay, before you get too cocky, Miss Elva, you need to work on your kissing skills. Your aim is terrible.”

She blushed.

“Invalid argument. You’ve had experience. I’ve never kissed before. And it was icky to go straight for the lips.”

“That’s a whole reason to work on your skills. And you didn't have to go straight for my lips if you didn't want to. There were the cheeks, the forehead, the nose…”

“…Is this flirting?”

Elva leaned close, and a faint shade of red spread across Jasper’s cheeks.

”E-Elvie, I thought you wanted to take this slow…”

What more could she say?

Love makes the shy brave and the brave shy.

-Fin-

Chapter Text

Elva core.

Elva sat at her desk updating her mods in Stardew Valley. She had just moved into a two-bedroom student apartment with Jasper a few weeks after starting the fall semester, and for the most part, this had been her dream living situation.

“HHATSCH’HH!”

“huh— HHRRASHHUHH!!"

Elva’s ears burned. Jasper’s room was down the hall, and he was causing a commotion. Every time he sneezed, she felt her cheeks rise with heat. She clicked on the incognito tab on her browser, and sure enough, Flamealchemist had uploaded an audio to Tumblr right after the noise died down. She blushed furiously. It was such an inconvenient time to be horny because she wanted to play Stardew Valley, but Jasper was being annoying and making her hot and bothered against her will (she was going to spend some time in private with mancold3.mp3 later that night).

She just remembered that she hadn’t done today’s Wordle. She opened the NYT website in a normal tab and began her first guess with the intention of narrowing down the vowels and figuring out the word through elimination.

F R A U D

🟩🟨⬛🟩⬛

She felt herself relax. The process of deduction was redirecting her attention and calming her down.

She thought for a minute. There were only so many 5-letter words starting with “F” and containing a vowel close to the end.

F E M U R

🟩⬛🟨🟩🟨

Okay, getting warmer…

Elva pondered the word for a good 5 minutes when it dawned upon her in the most horrific way possible. No. No... She associated this word with her shame... She cringed as she typed with excruciating pain in her chest.

F O R U M

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

She jumped as she heard a knock on the door.

“Yes?” Her voice cracked.

The door creaked ajar and Jasper peeped through the narrow slit.

“Sndf, Elvie? Cad you cobe with me—snf—to the pharmacy? I ndeed to buy a sidus ridse. I’b so congested…”

She marched over and swung the door fully open.

“You wouldn’t be so congested if you weren’t making yourself sneeze so loud!”

Jasper turned to the side and coughed. He only covered his mouth after because Elva had gotten so red, and she was now very close to his face.

“You,” she stuck out her pointer finger and prodded his chest accusingly, “You did this on purpose.”

Jasper raised his hands. “Whad? Catch a cold? No I didedt!”

She gritted her teeth and hissed. “It’s because you bite your nails! You put your whole hand in your mouth and then wonder why you get sick every time it’s back-to-school season and there’s some virus you could avoid if you were more careful!”

He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again.

“…If this is about my wav I swear I’m not taunting you or anything in fact I thought of you when I posted it. I don’t know, Elvie, I thought you’d like it…”

Elva closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Jasper was standing in front of her, all pitiful and ill, and she was being ridiculous and acting like she had poor anger management. She was going to grant him zero sympathy if he even dared to look smug about catching a sneezy cold.

“Are you okay?” she asked feebly. She stretched a hand out, and Jasper hunched slightly so she could feel his forehead. Her hand was cool, and he leaned into her touch.

“Mmhmb. Ndo fever. I'b jusdt really congested.” He covered his mouth again. “Kgh! We’re running low on cough syrup.”

“No fever, but you are a bit warm... I think I have a member card. We can get a pretty good discount on supplies. Let's go now if you’re ready.”

—

They stepped outside the building and were greeted by the fall breeze. Elva glanced at Jasper from the corner of her eye. She was holding his dark gray cardigan that he was insistent on not needing, even though it was getting colder. He was only wearing black sweatpants with that white, short-sleeved Adidas shirt that fit him so irritatingly well. Jasper was the type of person who could withstand subzero temperatures with only a t-shirt and shorts, claiming that he ran hot, but right now, he was sick, and she couldn’t ignore the goosebumps all over his arms.

“Jaz, can you please just wear a jacket? You’ll make your cold worse.”

“No I won’t. The cold will just make me feel worse, not make the germs in my body go crazy.”

“Jaz,” she said warningly.

The wind blew in their direction, and he shivered. The only thing currently keeping him warm was the medical mask obscuring the lower half of his face.

He grumbled and snatched the garment from her. They weren’t going to move from this spot if he didn’t heed Elva’s advice. His mother bought him the cardigan as a gift a few years ago, and he was of the opinion that it made him look like someone's grandpa. He swore that only his mother and Elva found him handsome in it, but his mother was his mother, and his Elvie didn’t know anything about fashion. He used to hate wearing glasses, but then he found frames that suited his face, and started wearing them more often. Though it did help that Elva said that, and she liked men in glasses (he trusted her on this because she rarely found men visually appealing).

They took a short bus ride to the nearest pharmacy. Elva sat by the window as usual, and when they got off at the stop and had to cross the road, he made sure to hold her hand and that she was away from the car-facing side.

Once they reached the pharmacy, Elva picked up a shopping basket before they ventured into the medicine aisle.

As she waited for Jasper to pick out what he wanted, she dropped some miscellaneous items into the basket.

“Hello, Miss?” Jasper said as a staff lady approached him. “What do you recommend for a phlegmy cough?”

Elva moved further down the aisle, pretending not to spy on them. With those dark, full-rimmed glasses and a blue medical mask that somehow complemented his pallid skin, he ironically looked like those mysterious guys he’d been heckling her for liking visually. She almost rolled her eyes. Finding someone visually attractive was not synonymous with wanting them as a partner. Willy Wonka was more “mysterious” than him, and Jasper digressed, saying that it was only because of the hat and cane, and the maroon coat. Also the dark hair, she had added helpfully, and he'd asked her if he should dye his, to which she replied with a firm no.

After the staff left, he walked over and put the cough syrup in the basket. His nose must’ve gotten runny from bending over because he kept sniffling.

Snf.

Snfft.

Snffhh.

Elva didn’t notice she’d started hyperventilating. She dared not look in his direction because she already knew what was coming.

“Ht’shiew!”

He jerked forward and involuntarily knocked over some pimple patches. She bent down to pick them up as she breathed in and out abnormally fast. She could practically feel the smugness radiating off him because she was very clearly blushing.

“Bless you!” the lady from earlier chirped from the aisle behind them. “Would you like to see our nasal sprays, sir?”

“Oh, actually, I have those at hobe already; I have pretty bad allergies. Could you poidt mbe to the sidus rinse?”

The lady asked him to repeat what he said, his voice muffled by congestion and his mask. Elva briskly walked away before the woman could see her flustered expression. This entire pharmacy run was simultaneously a secret fantasy and a nightmare because, for a quiet person, the expressions on her face were loud.

Jasper watched Elva disappear behind a shelf and chuckled to himself, extremely pleased to have managed to fluster his normally calm and collected girl.

—

As Elva queued in line at the self-checkout, Jasper hung back, trying not to be a nuisance because of the non-stop sniffling. Despite being in a pharmacy, people were starting to shoot him dirty looks because it was probably gross, and his tissues were in Elva’s bag. Her face had gotten so red that one of the staff approached her to ask if she was alright, which only made her redder, and he was sure her soul was going to leap out of her body if he approached her right now to ask for tissues.

A sharp tickle in his throat caused him to cough loudly and twice in succession.

The little girl, who was with her mother and behind Elva, imitated his cough.

Elva turned around, and they locked gazes before he had to turn away to stifle his laughter. She bit her lip and promptly busied herself with scanning the items in their basket before she started laughing too.

Later, Jasper sat in front of Elva’s small vanity table.

“Okay, Elvie. Which one of your twenty mysterious skincare potions fixes whatever is going on here?” He gestured at the middle of his face. (She did NOT have that many skincare products.)

Jasper had been blowing his nose so much that the skin around his nostrils had started to chafe and look red and irritated. He looked at her pitifully and sniffled twice for a sympathetic effect.

“They’re not potions,” she grumbled, though she wasn’t really annoyed at him.

“I dunno, girl,” he said, reaching for the nearest jar. His glasses were on the table since Elva had just helped him with eyedrops. He squinted, “This one says ‘snail essence’. Elvie…”

“Put that down.” She swatted his hand.

He spotted another bottle.

“That one says witch hazel and centella asiatica!” he exclaimed, reading the last two words with flair, “I knew it! Witchcraft! Why on Earth are you casting spells on your beautiful face??”

She burst out laughing despite herself. She breathed a sigh of exasperation, but paused, belatedly realizing that Jasper had called her beautiful.

“The thing you need is Aquaphor,” she said, smiling.

She reached for the ointment and opened the tub, motioning for him to come closer. He did so with enthusiasm.

The skin under his nose and the rims of his nostrils looked so raw, and a sheen of mucus was glistening beneath one of them. He was sniffling repeatedly and looking way too handsome for someone with a head cold.

Elva coated her index finger with Aquaphor and hovered it in front of his face.

“Ow— OW! That stings!”

“I didn’t even touch you!!”

He grinned like he lived to be kicked in the groin. She wasn’t about to do that, but was genuinely considering it because he was gaining way too much enjoyment out of her embarrassment.

She gently cupped her hand over his cheek. “Hold still.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Jasper closed his eyes as she smoothed the ointment over his inflamed skin. As much as he wanted to savor her soothing touch, he had to sneeze.

“HUP-TSCHMPF!” He cupped his hands over his mouth and jerked away, dramatically falling off the chair.

Elva felt her heart beating straight out of her chest and not-so calmly shoved the tissue box in his direction.

“Elvie, I thidk I’b injured…” he moaned, lying on the floor like a fallen soldier.

“You’ll live,” she said, unable to fight a smile from gracing her lips and dodge the arrow that Cupid shot straight into her heart.