Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dae-ho felt his lungs beg for air. The familiar feeling of fear mixed with the pressure on his neck brought back memories of how his father used to gasp him until he passed out, but this time, Dae-ho knew that Gi-hun had every intention of killing him. Dae-ho cursed Gi-hun for this. It wasn't just the fact that he was about to die, it was the fact that he would die a lying traitor, carrying the guilt of having caused Jung-bae and Young-Ill's deaths. Even if he survived, he would probably kill himself out of guilt for letting the man who was like the father he always wanted die. Dae-ho hated Gi-hun for this. He didn't just hate how he wanted to kill him, he hated how he now knew he was a disappointment, he hated how he was making him feel guilty in his last moments. It was a moment when he truly wondered whether he hated Gi-hun or himself more, but his mind couldn't think clearly, the lack of oxygen beginning to consume him.

"D-Didn't you want us all to get out of here t-together...?"

And so it was, that Dae-ho died at the hands of the man he admired most, at the hands of the man he trusted blindly, at the hands of his friend, Seong Gi-hun... Daeho died as a villian, a liar who made many people die, a disappointment, just as his father told him he was going to to die.

_____________

Gi-hun watched as Dae-ho's eyes slowly got dull, dropping his last tears as his hands loosened their grip on his neck. Gi-hun didn't stop, he dropped all his anger on him. He continued to choke him as if there was still a chance he'd wake up, hurling insult after insult before finishing with a final movement in which he broke his neck.

Gi-hun slowly stood up, taking in the scene before his eyes. There he was, the boy who had introduced himself as his fan, the boy who had always tried to smile despite the hell they were in… he was dead, dead because of him, his eyes open in an expression of pain and anguish, the same one that had begged for his forgiveness and mercy…

There were still a few minutes left for the game to finish, and the wait was becoming unbearable. Every breath Gi-hun took made him remember how an innocent person had been taken away from him. Dae-ho didn't die thanks to the cruel system of the games. Dae-ho didn't die at the hands of a guard or a deadly game. He died because Gi-hun needed to release all the frustration he'd pent up over the past three years, and he saw Dae-ho as the perfect outlet for all the guilt he'd been carrying.

Time passed so slowly that the time he spent beside the body seemed like days. He began to remember every moment with him. He remembered how Dae-ho introduced himself as his fan, he remembered how he always encouraged him, he remembered how he chose him out of all the people on Mingle, he even remembered how Dae-ho had opened up to him a few nights ago, confessing the abuse he suffered as a child and how he was scared and wanted to go back to his sisters… The timer seemed to never end, and the words "it was your fault" began to echo in the labyrinth.

Gi-hun took the knife he had and pointed it at his neck. He didn't deserve to live, not after this, not after what he did to him…

_________

Gi-hun woke up in the bedroom, hearing a baby's cry. Once again, he had been "rescued" by whoever was in charge of these games.

Jun-hee had given birth, a glimmer of hope and life within these games, but it wasn't long until, at night, after swearing to Geum-ja that he would take care of Jun-hee's baby, the lights went out.

Gihun tried to sleep in the awkward position he was in, but it was nearly impossible, and so he was left alone with his thoughts.

"Why"

a voice whispered in his ear. Gi-hun turned his head quickly to see who was talking to him... that's when he saw it.

Dae-ho, with blood pouring from his mouth, handprints that looked purple in the same place where Gi-hun had grabbed him to kill him, and a broken neck, causing his head to be positioned unnaturally. His eyes were dark but wide open, just like the eyes on the lifeless body. It was a horrifying scene. Dae-ho kept asking him why he killed him, kept telling him it was his fault, kept reminding him that he started the plan and that it was his fault that everyone was dead. Whatever it was, it slowly approached Gi-hun before grabbing him by the neck, strangling him the same way he had strangled Dae-ho. Its large eyes were expressionless, but somehow, they conveyed an inexplicable sadness and pain.

Just before Gi-hun lost consciousness from lack of air, he woke up in the same large room. It was all a nightmare, that's what he wanted to think…

Gi-hun woke up only to find Geum-ja's body hanging, all while Jun-hee cried and called for her "grandma"... that's when he saw it again… The tall, twisted figure, right next to Jun-hee, stared down at Geum-ja's body, hugging Jun-hee with one arm.

Gi-hun tried to run toward Jun-hee to get her away from whatever that thing was beside her, but he was still handcuffed to the bed, unable to move any further. His stomach twisted as he watched the creature hug Jun-hee while crying.

A few minutes later, Jun-hee remained with Gi-hun. They talked about various things... Would they get out of that place alive? Did they still believe in humanity? These were questions that, at that moment, couldn't be resolved casually.

"Sir... Did you kill Dae-ho...?"

Jun-hee had obviously heard it. She must have heard the “Player 388, eliminated, Player 456, pass”, which only indicated that the player who passed had killed the player who lost.

That was the last thing Jun-hee said to him before they were taken to the next game. Gi-hun didn't answer the question; he changed the subject.

Chapter Text

After the fourth game, Gi-hun was devastated. Jun-hee was dead, and with her, all the support he could have hoped for. Now he was alone, locked away, and with no one to hold on to emotionally. Right now, everyone wanted to kill him and the baby, and he wouldn't allow that.

Gi-hun was beginning to question every decision in his life and what he had done to deserve it. Maybe if he had never rebelled, maybe if he had focused on protecting Jun-hee instead of putting all his strength into killing an innocent man. He had made so many mistakes that counting them all would be impossible…

On the other hand, not only was he alone, but now he was alone with whatever that thing with the broken neck was. With every passing minute, that thing became even less human, and more like a monster coming to haunt and torment him for all his sins.

To combat this nightmare and the guilt that burned within him, Gi-hun saw the best option as hating Dae-ho even more. It was an almost irrational hatred, but it was his defense against the voice that tormented him, telling him it was his fault. In an attempt to stop feeling the guilt that burned within him, he began to force himself to hate Dae-ho. "What the hell did he have with Jun-hee? How weak did he have to be to be transferred to social service personnel instead of his normal military service? Besides, he'd always been a nuisance to the team, right? The reason Jung-bae and Young-ill are dead is because of him. He was probably planning to betray them to win the games." And more of that, he tried to find excuses to justify his murder.

Even so, the creature tormented him as much as it could. When Gi-hun was left alone after Jun-hee's death, that thing tormented him, telling him all his mistakes, reminding him how it was always his fault for everything.

__________

Gi-hun was allegedly taken to the frontman's room by one of the red guards. He looked at the man in the black mask with hatred in his eyes; that was the man behind it all…

The frontman made him a proposition, offering him a knife, a knife he could use to kill everyone who wanted to kill him and the baby. It was then that the frontman took off his mask, and there he saw him. Young-ill, his friend who was supposed to have died in the rebellion… he was the one who killed his best friend with his own hands.

"Forgive me for Jung-Bae."

Gi-hun tried to attack him, but couldn't manage to stab him; he knew nothing would change. He left that room with three things on his mind: how his friend had betrayed him and how he had ended an innocent life.

"I know you can do it. After all, you killed your friend with your own hands. Why wouldn't you kill someone who's a threat to you?"

Now Gi-hun knew, Dae-ho was never to blame. Even if he brought the ammunition back, they would have lost, and if they won, nothing would have changed. And the thing that tormented him in the form of Dae-ho would now remind him of that.

________________

Gi-hun approached the 100th player with the knife. He was about to kill him, but he saw Sae Bye-ok on the other bed, pleading with him not to. For the first time, the guilt and the being that tormented him disappeared. He decided he wasn't going to lose this battle yet, that he would keep his promise, and so he spared the player's life.

The feeling of calm didn't last long, because that thing appeared again when he tried to sleep. And for the first time, it said something other than "it was your fault."

"Why didn't you kill them?" the ghost asked.

"I'm not going to lose my humanity," Gi-hun replied.

"But you've already lost it, right? When you killed me, when you blamed me for everything. Why didn't you blame them on him now? Why didn't you kill him like you killed me?" he said, his voice turning darker. But at the same time, it seemed as if he wanted to cry; it held a hint of anger and frustration.

"Because it was your fault..." he said, trying to justify himself, covering his ears, which didn't work.

"My fault? You killed me because it was my fault?" the thing said in a mocking tone. "Then why didn't you kill him? After all, he was the one who betrayed you and shot Jung-bae." "Why didn't you kill him like you killed me!" he said angrily now. "In fact, why don't you blame yourself? You told the enemy the whole damn plan. IT WAS. YOUR. FAULT."

"Shut the fuck up!" Gi-hun said in a shout that made the other players turn around.

"For the rest of your life I’ll be there. I'll be stuck in your head like the roots of your hair. I want you to feel what I felt..." The spirit said before disappearing again.

Chapter Text

My dear Dae-ho...

You never showed up... And now, after hearing that "player 388, eliminated," I understand why... I don't imagine you'll hear this mental letter but, I nontheless must tell it...

Dae-ho, oh Dae-ho... my baby was just born... And I was just starting to dream  the silliests and softest of dreams about how you would be the best father uncle to my baby... I miss you, and I will always miss you... Ever since you accepted me into the group, you were the one who protected me... Remember how we slept together? I wish you could have met my little girl. I'm almost certain I won't make it out of this place alive, and I see you didn't make it out either. When I was with you, I felt protected by your smile and encouragement, but now that you and Hyunju are gone... I'm not sure I can move on. I'm sorry for not saying something for you when Yong-sik told what happened to Gi-hun, or for not including you like you always did, and for not switching teams with you... I was so confused and overwhelmed. I know there's a good man within you, Dae-ho, but there came a point where you had to fight your lie, and it won. Gi-hun told me everything, even though he wouldn't admit to being your killer. The moment I realized you wouldn't be carrying the ammunition, my heart broke, and I know yours did too when I walked away from you.

I'll never forgive myself for that... For our goodbye being so dark, for the fact that I could have saved your life, for letting you die... Oh Dae-ho... You were supposed to be the best dad uncle to my little girl... to spoil her without my permission, to secretly give her money... But now... now you will never be able to do that... I know you wouldn't want this for me... I know you'd want me to get up and give all of me to get out of here with my baby... but I think that's a fantasy far from reality... Even so, I want to try... For you, for Hyunju, for my daughter, for all our friends who died here... I thank you for giving me a small glimmer of hope in this world of darkness and greed... Thank you for everything and sorry for everything else, big tiger...

To my dear Dae-ho...

From your sweet Jun-hee