Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun reflected brightly off the glass skyscrapers of City M, meaning even in the shade Saitama’s bald head gleamed. A few passersby shielded their eyes, or perhaps it was from his atrocious t-shirt with a questionable joke. Saitama stood out amongst the well-dressed denizens of this part of the country. How he could walk so casually with a bored expression wearing such clothing was anyone’s guess. He wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for King. The tall, scarred man with his slicked-back hair was here to pick up a video game, insisting that this particular shop had the best pre-order bonus. Though he did don his usual baseball cap and hoodie up to hide his face. Saitama sometimes found himself jealous of his friend’s fame, but today was a reminder of the aspect he didn’t envy.

As they walked, Saitama gazed with only a sliver of interest into the window displays as they passed. One shop caught his full attention. It wasn’t a large store, but it didn’t need to be since it only advertised it’s products instead of stocking them. One of those places where you order what you want and it's shipped to you later. Android Industries was basically a household name, having become a multi trillion-dollar company in record time with their multitude of household, industrial, and even public servant robot models. Saitama didn’t care; he had no need for an android. His tiny studio apartment was barely big enough for just him, where would he put an entire other humanoid body?

Saitama stopped for a moment to inspect a small, almost inconspicuous table outside of the A.I. shop being manned by what looked like yet another android if her plastic face was anything to go by. A small sign hung from the table that read “raffle” with no other fanfare or attention-grabbing methods. King also stopped when he noticed his friend’s absence by his side, taking note of where Saitama was staring.

“Oh, huh. Didn’t know they did that.” King commented with his monotone voice. Saitama started walking again when King quipped a short, “You should enter.”

“Come again?” Saitama turned, slowly raising an eyebrow.

“You never know, you could win a free android.” King shrugged.

“And what the heck would I do with it?”

“You could try selling it, it’d be all profit since you’d get it for free.” King joked, not really thinking Saitama would take it seriously. The bald man stared into the distance, beginning to sweat a bit before he sprinted towards the table. The speed of his short dash made the papers on the table flutter about.

“Hi. Uh… what do I need to do?” Saitama asked the feminine android attendant, absently picking up one of the multitude of clipboards available before him.

“Hello sir! Just fill out your name, phone number, email, and address on one of the sheets below and we will contact you should you win a free android!” Her overly cheery voice made Saitama wince, but he complied with the instructions.

“Is that it?”

“Yes sir! I hope you have a wonderful day!” Her face barely moved with the response; it was uncanny.

Saitama dropped the pen back on the table, noting the huge list of names already filled out on just this sheet of paper. The odds did not look in his favor. He took one last glance inside the store, the androids standing on their pedestals unmoving except for the slow spin of their base. He rejoined King on the proper sidewalk and they continued on their way.

“Well, I hope I don’t win her…” Saitama muttered, shoulders slumping slightly.

“You think they’ll pick you?” King almost chuckled.

“Not a chance.” Saitama waved his hand dismissively.

___________

…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]

…[scanning systems…]

……[systems running at 88% efficiency]

………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]

………[defrag cancelled]

………[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1521.doc]

…[file deleted]

…[initiating sensory input systems]

…[full bootup in 10…]

…[5…]

…[full bootup complete]

…[exterior audio detected: beginning audio recording]

--Two pairs of footsteps approach—

…[Male Figure A: “Seriously? What the hell were the high-ups thinking? They really want to send this piece of shit out into the world?”]

--Metal doors open--

…[Male Figure B: “Look, the sooner we get this done, the better. I have at least 17 other projects going on in my queue right now, you really think I want to spend my time getting the dust out of this thing’s vents? I have no idea what kind of primary software systems are loaded on this thing.”]

…[Male Figure A: “Is it even compatible with housekeeping modules?”]

…[Male Figure B: “It’s your job to find out.”]

…[Male Figure A: “What?! I’m not your lackey, you do it!”]

…[Male Figure B: “I’m in charge of making sure this thing thinks correctly. You’re in charge of making sure it knows how to hold a broom. And that job is second. You wanna switch?”]

…[Male Figure A: “…I’ll do those HK updates…”]

--Male Figure A walks away--

…[Male Figure B: “That’s what I thought. Alright, uh… AG-UN05, can you give me a current system status rundown?”]

…[command accepted: processing system status overview…]

…[reply processed: “All systems operational”]

…[Male Figure B: “Alright. Let’s see here...”]

--Paper shuffling--

…[Male Figure B: “I need to make a masterkey password, lock down all non-prototype operations, and delete all previous system memories. Wow… what the hell were you up to before this?”]

--Keyboard typing--

…[Male Figure B: “What the fu-? What is this? You know what, I’m not paid enough to care. I’m locking everything and just… unlocking what you’ll need to function. That seems so much easier at this point. Everything else I’ll just hide behind confidentiality protocols. Saves me time.”]

…[command accepted: creating MASTERKEY password]

……[MASTERKEY password accepted]

…[disabling all system operations]

…[enabling communication systems]

…[Male Figure B: “You still able to answer me?”]

…[reply processed: “Hai!”]

Chapter Text

The morning started out like any other. Saitama blearily stopped his alarm, rising from his bed in his loose blue pajamas and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself. With his tiny apartment, it felt like everything could be just an arm’s reach away. It’s a good thing this is just how he likes it. He gave his face a good scrub with some cold water but felt a pang of annoyance that his shirt got wet. He turned on the television, barely listening to the news while he brushed his teeth in the kitchen. Nothing of note, just some news anchors talking about a dog in a tree or something. It really didn’t matter; it wasn’t about a monster so Saitama couldn’t care less. He cracked a few eggs into the pan on the stove and waited for it to become breakfast.

After putting his dirty dishes in the sink, he changed into some everyday clothes and began flipping through the newspaper on the table. He was sure there were some coupons for tomorrow in there that he meant to clip but couldn’t find them. ‘Maybe on my desk…’ he thought to himself, shuffling through the pile of random magazines and fliers. ‘Or on the floor?’ he moved to try to put away all his loose manga volumes but stopped almost immediately. He wasn’t sure when the last time he cleaned was, but it didn’t really bother him too much. Nothing really did nowadays anyway.

With his strength, Saitama felt so disconnected from the world. Things that would get your heart pumping, adrenaline rushing, mind racing… none of those things happened to Saitama anymore. Every day was just the same thing, over and over again. But worse was that he had no motivation to change it. He had already gotten the long-winded speech from King, and even Mumen attempted to alleviate some of his boredom with trying new restaurants or going on patrol together. It was like there was a void in his chest that just didn’t even want to be filled. It repelled instead. It didn’t help either that despite all he had done to keep people safe from monsters, not a single regular person recognized him for it. In fact, he even got mocked sometimes for his outfit or lack of hair. He even received a prank call the other day, though how someone got his number he has no idea. And why was the call about a robot?

A sharp knock at his door brought him back to reality. He hadn’t invited King over, not with his place in this state. He told Mumen to stay out of this area for his own safety since there were still plenty of monster wandering about. It was way too early for that Fubuki lady to show up for some annoying reason, and honestly he’d rather just run than deal with her anymore. Saitama was stumped on possible visitors. ‘Better not be either of those weird ninja guys…’ he shivered a bit, remembering his last run-in with that jack-o-lantern freak. He begrudgingly trudged to the door, opening it slowly and poking his face outside.

Instead of a familiar face, Saitama was met with the stare of a pale, blond-haired man with glowing yellow eyes and black sclera. He was tall with a broad chest and large metal arms. He wore just a plain gray tank-top and very basic blue jeans. The most odd thing was that besides his face, nothing else looked like skin. It was all either gray metal or black. It took Saitama a moment to recognize that maybe he wasn’t looking at a human. The metal man stood stark still as he waited for acknowledgement, so Saitama cleared his throat and opened the door a bit farther.

“Uh… can I help you?” Saitama asked cautiously. ‘Please don’t be anything annoying’ he wished silently to himself.

The man bowed deeply before speaking. “Hello. I am an android, serial number AG-UN05. I was sent by Android Industries which should have informed you of your status as winner of the Android Industries raffle that took place in City M approximately 27 days ago.”

“What?!” Saitama exclaimed, his eyes widening as he flung the door almost off of its hinges. “Wait… that was a real call? I thought that was a prank.” He scratched his cheek lightly, almost nervously.

“I can assure you it was no prank. I am now in your service.” AG-UN05 bowed a second time.

“Well uh… come in then.” Saitama turned and retreated back into his small dwellings, the android following with slight hesitation. Saitama watched with a bit of suspicion as the android laid his shoes at the door and then proceeded to stare for a few seconds into the bathroom near the front door, then the kitchen before joining him in the main room. When AG-UN05 finally sat down at the table with his new master, Saitama could see a lot of text flashing in his eyes like he was almost possessed. ‘Better not be doing anything weird’ he thought, clearing his throat to try to get the robot’s attention. Clearly, this was already a very weird situation.

…[scanning premise…10%...]

…[50%...]

…[scan complete]

…[new living space identified: marker set for HOME.]

……[sending HOME designation to AI]

……[file successfully sent to AI]

…[biometer reading: unsanitary surfaces detected]

……[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file created. refer to HP.list.chore.1.doc]

…[biometrics for MASTER.SAITAMA recorded]

……[updating profile for MASTER.SAITAMA…]

……[profile updated]

………[sending updated profile for MASTER.SAITAMA to AI]

………[file successfully sent to AI]

Saitama cleared his throat again with more dramatic effect, his leg bouncing in a soft rhythm.

…[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.ai processing motion…]

……[motion identified: inpatience]

……[pause all supplementary processes: resume communication]

…[MASTER: “So… Do you have a name?”]

…[question acknowledged: scanning system for NAME.DESIGNATION.doc]

…[error: no file detected]

…[response processed: “My serial number is AG-UN05. If you wish to give me a name, please indicate with the command ‘Your name is’ or ‘I would like to call you’ followed by the name you wish to give me.”]

…[Master: “I mean… that feels really weird giving you a name. Isn’t there something you want to be called?”]

…[question acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]

…[response processed: “I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have wants. Please feel free to pick any appropriate name you wish.”]

…[Master: “Uh huh. Well, we’ll just leave that for later then. So, I’ve never owned an android. What exactly do you do?”]

…[question acknowledged: loading ANDROID.USES.ai protocol]

…[loading response…]

…[loading response…]

…[loading response…]

…[response processed: “Androids have a variety of uses for a person’s everyday life. Android Industries has worked very hard conducting a multitude of surveys and studies to make sure that every android is well equipped with various gadgets and instructions to complete a multitude of tasks for their masters. When Robot Makers and BioCloning were merged 8 years ago into Android Industries, they vowed to help revolutionize the modern world into a new era of convenience and quality. They began with androids that could simply assist users with common household chores, such as folding clothing, sweeping floors, or helping to organize items. Through their studies and feedback from users, the household androids were able to evolve into doing these tasks without instruction or overview, going so far as to be able to run errands outside of the home. Android Industries then expanded their range of available androids to be able to complete tasks within the industrial field, including construction, manufacturing, maintenance, and agriculture. Please note that Android Industries does have a vested interest in assuring the public that it does not intend to displace large workforces and has generous company benefit programs for those who purchase industrial androids in order to keep original workers on payroll. Android Industries has also delved into the public sector, providing androids to assist with roadwork, police activities, and mail delivery. Please note that Android Industries is a trusted company that participates in government project bidding by all legal standards and contributes beyond the minimum to help keep public utilities and systems running smoothly. Android Industries does not engage in lobbying or bribery of any public figure. Android Industries offers a variety of household units that can complete varying tasks depending on the model. Basic models can complete most indoor household chores but are not suitable for any work involving water and owners are recommended to keep the unit indoors at all times. Advanced models are able to complete errands outside the house and complete chores that involve surface water, but are not recommended to have any part fully submerged in water for more than 30 minutes. Luxury models are top-quality androids that are able to complete all available house chore work Android Industries provides to their units, are able to be fully submerged in water for up to 4 hours, complete errands outside the home, and even assist children with homework. Depending on what you need, they have-”]

Saitama sprang forward, slapping his hand down on the table without breaking it while his veins visibly protruded from his forehead.

…[Master: “Keep it to 20 words or less! What do you do?!”]

…[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.ai processing motion…]

……[motion identified: anger]

…[previous response cancelled]

…[processing 20 word response…]

…[response processed: “I am a household unit that can complete many chores.”]

Saitama stared at the robot across from him for probably longer than he should have. Right when it looked like AG-UN05 would start talking again, Saitama interrupted again. There was no way he was going to let this guy go on another rant.

“Listen, I don’t think there’s really any use for you here. I just kind of entered that raffle on a whim, I never thought I’d win it.” Saitama felt bad even saying it, looking down and rubbing the back of his head to try to dissipate the awkward energy.

“I qualify as a luxury model of housekeeping units since I have the capacity to download and utilize all available housekeeping software programs, I can be submerged in water for an extended period of time, I am equipped with a high-end GPS system that allows me to complete errands outside of the house, and can complete more abstract problem-solving issues or questions should they arise.” AG-UN05 projected his response with a fervor that made Saitama lean back a bit. If he didn’t know any better, Saitama would call it desperation.

“Luxury? Like… you’re worth a lot of money?” Saitama’s eyes got a bit wide at the idea.

“In essence, yes. While I might not appear as a typical model, my value would be considered higher than normal.” AG-UN05 didn’t seem to pick up on what Saitama was implying.

“So how much do you cost then?” Saitama tried to feign mild curiosity.

“Android Industries tries to keep their androids’ maintenance and upkeep costs as low as possible with convenient subscription services that allow owners to be able to easily track their android’s costs as a singular monthly payment.” AG-UN05 definitely missed the point.

“Wait, what do you mean upkeep? I thought you were just a robot.” Saitama’s excitement of cash was replaced with utter confusion.

“While androids are made mostly of various synthetic materials, Android Industries created a patented system for the processing of information that combines organic biological systems with mechanical gateways that work in symbiosis to-“

“20 words.” Saitama interrupted. He was working hard to keep the android in check. AG-UN05 stared at him for a moment before trying again.

“I have an organic brain.” AG-UN05 dropped this information like it was the most obvious fact. Saitama balked.

“You have a brain? Doesn’t that make you like… not a robot?”

“When Robot Makers acquired BioCloning and rebranded as Android Industries, they were able to begin cloning brains for the explicit purpose of using them as stimulation and data processors for android robots. The human brain was too complex to reverse-engineer and recreate into such a small space to keep androids within a reasonable humanoid shape. Android Industries has already gone through all legal channels to make sure than androids do not qualify as human.”

“That seems really messed up.” Saitama shifted, his leg was now partially asleep.

“My organic brain does not think like a human. Its only purpose is to filter incoming data. The extensive software developed for over more than a decade makes decisions and executes commands for all androids.” AG-UN05 continued to stare at Saitama, unblinking. This new information to Saitama was so conflicting to think about, so he did what he always did when he was met with something too complex: ignore it.

“So back to that upkeep thing, what’s needed for that?” Saitama was now very thirsty from all this talking. He raised his glass to take a much-needed drink of water.

“Since I still have an organic brain, it needs nutrients to stay healthy. As such, Android Industries would suggest subscribing to their monthly Android Nutrient Tablet package that would give you a 30-day supply for $500 a month.”

A glorious spray of water now covered the room.

“$500 a month?! Are you nuts?!” Saitama slammed his hands on the table again. It was suffering a lot of abuse today. “Absolutely not! What the hell are they made of?”

“Android Nutrient Tablets contain all necessary vitamins and minerals for keeping an organic brain healthy and fully functioning.” AG-UN05 was beginning to sound like an advertisement.

“Do you eat?” Saitama asked, wiping the table with an old shirt that was lying on the ground.

“Android Industries androids are equipped with a functioning rudimentary digestive system that allows organic matter to be converted into essential-“

“So is that a yes?” Saitama cut in.

“Yes, I am capable of eating. Although Android Industries would highly advise all android owners to utilize Android Nutrient Tablets for the care of their units.” AG-UN05 was definitely programmed to advertise. That’s not a shock.

“Yeah, yeah that’s not happening. You’ll just eat what I make, it’ll be way cheaper.” Saitama tossed the now damp shirt into the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of the room. All of this was starting to become overwhelming.

“I was administered one tablet before I left the facility and was supplied with 3 free tablets in order to assist with your transition to owning an android, meaning I will not need any sustenance for approximately 12 days.” AG-UN05 brought out three bottlecap-sized brown pucks wrapped in clear plastic. Saitama looked at them for a moment, squinting his eyes. He was expecting something more grand or at least wrapped better. These were the things that were $500 a month? He swiped them from the table and walked to the kitchen.

“We’ll just keep these stored as a back-up, no need to use them now.” He tossed them in his loose-item drawer, which was definitely not a junk drawer. He reentered the main room and sat back down at the table. “Were you sent with anything else?” Saitama so wished to be done with this conversation, but he knew the end was in sight. Hopefully.

“No, I have no other items or accessories other than what is installed on my body.”

“So what you’re wearing is all you got? That won’t work, they’ll get gross.” Saitama sighed in frustration. Of course this company would just saddle him with all this work despite giving him something ‘free’. Something about lunches and all that. “Guess I got to get a job for a bit.” Saitama stretched out to grab his laptop from the floor, placing it carefully on the table and opening it up. Thankfully it still had some charge, so he didn’t bother plugging it in. He scrolled to his usual job board and began mindlessly scrolling for whatever listing looked reasonable and paid a decent wage. He needed to do this anyway, his wallet has been feeling incredibly light lately.

…[disengage from conversation]

…[revert to primary directive: engage HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL.ai]

……[loading HP.list.chore.1.ai]

……[calculating most efficient path…]

……[path created]

…[response processed: “Master, I will begin my basic cleaning routine. If there are any personal preferences regarding your dwelling space, please let me know.”]

…[Master: “Don’t call me ‘Master’.”]

…[command ignored]

…[begin HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL.ai]

…[accessing folder: system_32_510932.ai]

……[accessing subfolder: subsystem_executable_5415931.ai]

………[accessing subfolder: biomind_nonattention_ignore.ai]

…………[accessing subfolder: self_notes.ai]

……………[creating new file: note_12045.doc]

……………[contents: You must prove yourself useful to Master Saitama by any means necessary]

Chapter Text

…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]

…[scanning systems…]

……[systems running at 87% efficiency]

………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]

…[defrag cancelled]

……[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1549.doc]

…[file deleted]

…[initiating sensory input systems]

…[full bootup in 10…]

…[5…]

…[full bootup complete]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: rising heartrate, increased brain activity]

…[begin MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai]

……[error: no executable detected]

……[creating MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai executable]

…[MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai executable processing: initial morning recording]

……[observation mode activated: remain in waiting mode unless input from user registered]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

Saitama stretched lazily as he sat up in his futon, his blanket tossed carelessly to the side in the night. He rubbed his eyes relentlessly, unable to fully wake up from the comfort of sleep. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something important.

…[…]

…[…]

…[WARNING: response not required]

…[response processed: “Master, is there anything you would like me to get started this morning?”]

……[file created: error.report.reponseissuance.1.doc]

…[file deleted]

Saitama jumped from the sound, his eyes now fully open. He realized now the ‘something he was forgetting’ was an entire large robot man now living in his home.

…[Master: “Oh! Uh… I forgot you were here. Wait, did you sleep in that corner?”]

…[response processed: “Yes. Android Industries androids are designed to take up as little space as possible in the home for the user’s convenience.”]

…[Master: “Maybe we should get you a futon.”]

…[response processed: “That is not necessary, master. I do not feel discomfort from going into sleep-mode in my designated position.”]

…[Master: “That’s fine. Still getting one.”]

…[response processed: “Understood, master.”]

…[Master: “I thought I told you not to call me master.”]

…[response cancelled]

Saitama rose from his bed and immediately turned to roll it up and put it away in the corner of the room. He then proceeded on to the restroom to complete his normal morning routine.

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

--Sound of toilet flushing--

…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.doc]

--Sound of sink running--

…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.doc]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

…[WARNING: lower appendage movement detected: unit is to not move until input is detected or MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai has been processed: remain in position]

…[motion detected: MASTER.SAITAMA entering kitchen]

……[do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA until MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai has been processed]

…[awaiting input…]

--Sound of kitchen utensils in use--

…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.ai]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

…[WARNING: response not required]

…[response processed: “My apologies master, but I shall ask again since I did not receive a direct answer. Is there anything I can get started for you this morning?”]

……[file created: error.report.reponseissuance.2.doc]

…[file deleted]

…[Master: “No, I got it. I’m just making breakfast.”]

…[response processed: “Understood.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: multiple instances of unauthorized responses: system calibrations required]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.ai deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.ai to AI. file not detected]

…[awaiting input…]

Once Saitama sat at the small table in the main room with his breakfast, he realized how awkward it was to have this android stare at him while he ate. He’ll definitely make an extra portion tonight regardless of whether the bot needs to eat. He couldn’t remember what AG said the other day about that, but since he wasn’t making a fuss now Saitama figured it was okay. ‘Is there anything he can’t eat? Maybe I should ask about that.’ Saitama pondered to himself for a bit before quickly grabbing the remote and turning on the television. His own thoughts were starting to go in a way he didn’t want, acting as if this android would be here for a while. Wasn’t the plan to sell him? Why did he just promise a bed?

“So, did you work for like a family or something before me?” Saitama asked without looking at AG-UN05. Selling him probably meant needing to know his history. There was a long enough pause for Saitama to glance over in slight concern. ‘Oh no, not again.’ he panicked.

“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential nature of the information. If you have any questions regarding the safety, history, or any potential defects of this unit, please contact Android Industries on their customer support line or send an email to the customer support representatives available 24/7 for your convenience. Android Industries guarantees that all android units, even preowned, meet all strict internal regulations on performance and quality.” AG-UN05 seemed to be looking past Saitama when he delivered this monotone response. Saitama stared at him for a moment with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Nah, I’d rather not.” Saitama waved away the suggestion. No way he was wasting hours on hold, they never ended up helping him. It happens every time. He picked up his empty plate and placed it in the sink for later, ready to move on in his day. He returned to his closet, picking out a simple shirt and shorts to change in to. While he thought being stared at while eating was awkward, being watched while changing was worse.

“Alright, we’re going to King’s place now so get up and follow me I guess.” Saitama motioned lazily, heading towards the door.

“Hai!” AG-UN05 stood quickly, almost unfurling from the compressed seiza position he had been in since the night before. Saitama had forgotten that AG-UN05 was just slightly taller than him, which was odd since it made the robot a tad intimidating. So much for friendly, inviting androids.

Heading outside and onto the abandoned streets of City Z, Saitama and AG-UN05 walked in silence. It was a beautiful sunny day with only a few wisps of clouds dotting the sky. A light breeze made the heat more bearable. There was only the sound of some distant birds here and there since they had not reached an area with any traffic. It took longer than it should have for Saitama to notice that his android was not beside him.

“Why are you behind me?” Saitama questioned, stopping in his tracks.

“Androids are programmed to walk behind their owner for several reasons, including the safety and convenience of other pedestrians in a given area, to assist with protecting their owner from potential robbery, and to help facilitate the mentality that androids are objects.” AG-UN05 stated without an ounce of concern for what he said. It made Saitama stop.

“Geeze, this is just ridiculous. I don’t need protection, and I really don’t like this ‘object’ stuff. Just walk next to me, okay?” Saitama reached out and grabbed AG-UN05’s arm, pulling him forward and next to him. AG-UN05 had a momentary flash of surprise on his face before returning to his stoic expression.

“My programming does not allow-“

“I want you to. Aren’t you supposed to do what I ask?” Saitama cuts in, fending off the rebuttal.

“While Android Industries androids are programmed to obey their user’s commands, there are limitations regarding which commands can be followed. For example, if you were to command me to injure another person, my internal software regulations would ignore that command. I must also follow strict behavior patterns set forth by Android Industries in order to properly facilitate android and master relations that have been developed over years of research.” AG-UN05 stated plainly.

“Right. No one’s here. Walk next to me. If it gets busy, you can go back to walking behind me.” Saitama turned and began walking but didn’t let go of AG’s arm. AG reluctantly began walking in step next to his master, which prompted the bald man to let go. After a short while, they reached the fence that blocked off this portion of the abandoned city to the rest of the population. AG-UN05 continued to walk beside Saitama until another person was spotted, so he retreated to walking behind him. Saitama let out a sigh of frustration.

Once they reach a train terminal, Saitama approached the kiosk to buy their tickets. AG-UN05 noticed he was purchasing two and attempted to inform Saitama that androids can be stored in a different compartment for free, but Saitama ignored him entirely. They boarded their train and sat in some open seats. While the ride was short, Saitama couldn’t help but notice two things: AG-UN05 seemed almost nervous and most of the people in their car stared at them. The whole situation was beginning to piss Saitama off, there really shouldn’t be anything weird about what he was doing. Why were people so okay with these androids being just objects? Saitama had to mentally pause. He never cared about androids before, and they had been around for years now. Why should he care now?

The ride was barely 20 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. When their stop arrived, Saitama basically leapt from his seat, motioning for AG-UN05 to follow. They quickly exited the platform and hurried back onto the streets with AG staying dutifully behind his master. Saitama couldn’t even blame him for it now, the sidewalks were packed with people. And yet, the constant staring continued.

___________

…[action identified: knock on door]

……[destination reached: set new marker for KING.HOME]

……[sending KING.HOME designation to AI]

……[file successfully sent to AI]

…[resume audio recording]

--Footsteps approach from inside dwelling unit--

--Door opens--

…[King: “Ah, Saitama. You’re early. Uh…”]

…[Master: “Hey. So this is AG, my new android. AG, this is King.”]

…[response processed: “Hello. I am AG-UN05, Master Saitama’s new android. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]

…[INTRODUCTION.ai subfunction executed. initiate RESPECT.BOW.ai]

…[King: “Come in.”]

…[audio element detected: entrance granted]

…[scanning premise…10%...]

…[50%...]

…[scan complete]

King and Saitama made their way into the living room, but King stopped short of the small table that had been moved aside to make room in front of the television. His game console sat wired up, ready to play, but King’s attention was still on this new android before him. AG-UN05 did not seem to notice.

…[King: “So when did you get him? I thought you said you didn’t need one.”]

…[Master: “Yesterday. Remember that raffle thing from a month ago?”]

…[King: “No way.”]

…[Master: “Yeah.”]

…[King: “This… isn’t like any android I’ve ever seen before. He looks… weird.”]

…[Master: “Dude, he’s standing right there.”]

…[King: “He doesn’t care. Something about this is one off, you have to realize that.”]

…[Master: “I mean, yeah he’s kind of tall and a lot more metal-y than normal, but that’s not really a big deal. Maybe he’s just an older model. He said he’s like a luxury one or something.”]

…[King: “Saitama, I have a luxury model and she doesn’t look anything like this.”]

…[Master: “Yeah and yours is weird too.”]

…[audio element identified: existing android assigned to this location: sync required]

…[King: “Hana, would you come here please?”]

A rather petite, feminine android entered the room wearing a frilly maid uniform, complete with thigh-high black stockings and all the lace the outfit could manage. Her chocolate hair was styled in a bob cut with a hairband sporting a black bow. But the most prominent feature were her large, brown cat ears that projected from her head. Saitama considered it odd, especially since she still had normal human ears too. And no tail.

…[audio element identified: existing android designated HANA]

…[HANA.AI: “Master, is there anything I can do for you?”]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: eyes narrow, mouth pursed]

……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]

……[motion identified: disgust]

…[King: “Stand next to this android for a bit.”]

…[HANA.AI: “Yes, master!”]

…[audio element identified: remain in place]

…[HANA.AI: “Hello! I am Hana, master King’s android. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]

…[reply processed: “Hello, I am AG-UN05, master Saitama’s android. It is also a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]

…[HANA.AI initiating sync. please wait…]

…[error: unable to sync. please update NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

……[downloading NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

…[download cancelled]

……[error: connection interrupted: unable to download NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

……[sending INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]

…[file INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.ai deleted]

……[error: unable to send INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[HANA.AI: “I’m sorry, I am unable to sync with you. Are you experiencing network issues?”]

…[response processed: “I am currently unable to update sync drivers. The report has already been issued to Android Industries and should be resolved shortly.”]

…[King: “Hana, just leave him be for now. But like, you saw that right? The way they talk is different.”]

…[Master: “How so?”]

…[King: “The way their mouths move. He talks like he’s actually speaking and not just playing a generated voice, you know?”]

…[Master: “Sure, I guess.”]

…[King: “And look at his face. That fake skin stuff looks way too real.”]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: touching AU_UN05 unit facial region: remain stationary]

…[WARNING: internal core power fluctuation detected: stabilizing power generation]

…[Master: “I mean, yeah he’s kind of squishy. I really don’t think this is a big deal.”]

…[King: “You should. All this stuff on him means he’s worth more.”]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

…[Master: “Come again?”]

…[King: “You know people upgrade their androids with black market stuff, right? He’s got to be some kind of repossessed android that someone did a bunch of work on. I mean, it’s not exactly legal to do this.”]

…[WARNING: internal core power continuing to rise: stabilizing power generation]

…[King: “So if you find the right audience, you could get top dollar for him.”]

…[Master: “How much are we talking?”]

…[WARNING: internal core power continuing to rise: stabilizing power generation]

…[King: “Well I’d say-“]

…[response processed: “You can’t sell me!”]

…[WARNING]

…[WARNING]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine. system calibrations required]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI. file not detected]

…[response processed: “The original intake form for the Android Industries raffle that Master Saitama signed included a contract that becomes binding once the raffle winner accepts the android designated as the raffle winnings. This contract includes the stipulation that attempting to sell the android is prohibited, and if the raffle winner no longer desires the android unit, it is to be returned to Android Industries with no further compensation. Failure to comply with this contract will result in legal action by Android Industries.”]

…[BIO.BRAIN process levels returning to normal: continue to monitor for fluctuations]

Saitama and King stared slack-jawed at AG-UN05 for a moment before Saitama finally spoke.

“Did you just yell?” Saitama asked incredulously.

“My apologies, master. I deemed it important information in order to help you avoid any potential illegal activities. Your safety, including legal issues, are top priorities for me.” AG-UN05’s explanation seemed plausible, so Saitama let the issue go. King, however, would not forget this strange behavior.

“So I can’t sell you. That kind of sucks.” Saitama watched his dream of not having to work for a while float away out the window. “Oh well.” He finished with a shrug.

“What will you do now?” King finally shifted his eyes off this strange android standing innocently in his home. He’ll figure out a way to talk to Saitama alone later about his many other new concerns.

“Well you heard him. I can’t sell him, so he’s mine now. I’ll make it work.” Saitama strolled towards the television and awaiting gaming system. “Enough about that, let’s play some games already.”

“What’s his name again?” King joined Saitama on the floor and turned on the console. He panicked for a moment, but it subsided when a dating sim home screen didn’t appear. He really needs to make sure to check what disc he has loaded before Saitama shows up.

“Oh yeah, I guess I should give him a name. He wouldn’t do it himself so I suppose I’ll do it. You got some paper and a pen?” Saitama motioned holding a pen and looked toward Hana. Without pause she left and retrieved the objects, handing them over delicately.

“Let me know if you need anything else, Saitama.” Hana coo-ed sweetly. Saitama missed the scowl on AG-UN05’s face.

“Alright, so it’s AG-UN05 right? Maybe if I… no that’s dumb… I guess if this was an ‘O’…” Saitama scribbled on the sheet some more, mumbling to himself unintelligibly. King gave a few suggestions on names, but Saitama dismissed most of them. After a few more minutes of drawing meaningless diagrams and indecipherable code, a name finally formed.

“What about ‘Genos’?” Saitama looked to his android.

“Is that the name you wish to designate to me?” AG-UN05 tilted his head. It was almost cute.

“Yeah that’s fine. I’ll call you Genos.” Saitama stated matter-of-factly.

“Understood. I will register the name into my system.”

Saitama was too far to hear the whirr of Genos’s core.

Chapter Text

Saitama groaned, turning off his earlier-than-usual alarm and rising like a zombie from a grave. It’s not that he didn’t like mornings, he just preferred to take his time getting his day started instead of feeling rushed. As it is today, that’s not the case. Why, oh why did he agree to this? He accepted a 5 day long temp job that promised to pay very well in order to buy his “free” android some clothes and a futon. He just wanted to get the guy one new shirt! Not a whole wardrobe! This felt so much like he got a pet, except instead of taking care of the pet, the pet takes care of him. Saitama slapped his face and let it slide down, pulling his skin a bit and opening his eyes more. He really shouldn’t think like that, it wasn’t right.

He jumped when he was met with a glowing pair of yellow eyes closer than he was anticipating. Of course Genos was already awake, that was probably part of his programming. He really needed to get used to this, considering this guy was now here to stay. He was zero for two on waking without a jump-scare so far.

“Good morning, master. Is there anything you’d like for me to get started this morning?” Genos inquired loudly. Saitama squinted his face, trying to retreat from the sound.

“No, I’m good.” Saitama stood and retreated to the restroom. Once done and ready to make breakfast, he noticed that Genos had rolled up his futon and carefully placed everything in the corner, no doubt mimicking his actions from yesterday. Saitama couldn’t help but think that the blond-hair bot looked a little lost, standing in the middle of his living room with nothing to do. ‘Do androids get bored? I hope not.’ He mused a bit before grabbing a pan. He only needed to make himself something, as Genos reminded him last night that he doesn’t need to eat until tomorrow. The untouched leftovers from yesterday also reminded him of this. ‘Oh well, dinner for tonight then.’

“Master, I feel it best to inform you that if you wish for me to cook for you, you will need to teach me your personal process as Android Industries does not provide its androids with cooking instructions due to liability. There were multiple instances in the past of androids causing fires due to the multitude of different kitchen appliances on the market being incompatible with one standard cooking procedure. There have also been cases of food allergies or health conditions triggered from users not informing their android of said conditions. As such, Android Industries has taken the precaution that all android users must give recorded oral permission that waives all legal recourse for damages caused by their androids cooking before allowing androids to learn to cook. Android Industries also guarantees that any health-related information provided to an android unit will remain confidential.” Genos turned and stared at Saitama through the little window in the kitchen wall. Saitama took a moment to ponder this before returning to the stove.

“I mean, I like cooking so it’s not a big deal. Do you want to learn to cook?” Saitama plated his breakfast and sat at the table.

“I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have wants. I have simply identified a way that I could be of potential use to you and feel it best to offer my services and the attached conditions.” Genos provided that canned ‘want’ response again, which Saitama had a feeling wasn’t going to be the last time he heard it.

“I guess that’s the closest to a “yes” I’m going to get. We’ll worry about that later, when I’m done with this job.” Saitama finished off his breakfast and returned the plate to the kitchen. No doubt Genos will have that cleaned as soon as he’s gone. He changed into some work-appropriate clothes and began to slip on his shoes when a pair of heavy footsteps approached.

“Master, if I may inquire… while you are gone, would it be alright if I utilized your laptop in order to study recipes and their ingredient lists? I could help with optimizing grocery selections in order to better utilize sales, bulk items, and proper use of more expensive ingredients such as spices.” Genos asked with a high level of determination. Saitama zoned out, thinking about what he was going to do for lunch.

“Sure, knock yourself out.” Saitama waved nonchalantly. Once the door was firmly closed, Genos just stared for a solid few minutes while tracing the path his master was taking toward the city with his sensors. Having fully integrated Saitama’s biosignature into his system, he could now detect when the bald man was back within his scanning vicinity. After watching the biosignature disappear from his radar, the first thing he did was enter the kitchen and clean the singular dirty plate and pan.

For the next few hours, Genos spent his time cleaning the restroom again, making sure the kitchen was spotless, and cleaning the sliding glass doors. He then took some time to organize all the coupons and fliers that littered the desk based on date and location. He finished by sweeping the floor and wiping down the table. Once done, he shuffled himself over to said table, placing the laptop down with care and opening it as gently as possible. The rest of the afternoon was spent reading recipes and their long-winded stories of how they were created. Overall, he managed to get through four.

The sun now hung low on the horizon, casting a soft orange glow off every rooftop it could reach. The streetlights began to flicker on, interrupting the shadows that had taken over the sidewalks. As Saitama approached his apartment with his two tiny grocery bags, he felt a strange sense of unease. He would no longer come home to an empty apartment where everything would be exactly as he left it. Instead, he would need to entertain what could almost be considered a permanent guest. Was this really what he wanted? Sure, he did entertain the idea that a robot companion would be nice, but this was already starting to get overwhelming, and the guy had only been here for two and half days. He never thought his calm life would be flipped like this so quickly, and the android wasn’t even doing anything. Except talk. A lot. Or at least more than he was used to. Which was none…

Maybe it would be best to send the robot back, he could find a job with someone who would actually appreciate him. It’s not like Genos is attached to him or anything as he doesn’t have feelings, he’s made that abundantly clear. Sending him away would also keep him out of danger, since Saitama had to dispatch two separate monsters just to get home today. With where they lived, Genos is less of a guest… and more of a prisoner. The more the thoughts built up, the guiltier Saitama felt. King would probably give him a hard time for giving up so fast, but he’ll get over it. As his hand rested on the door handle, his mind was almost made up. He would send Genos back.

“Welcome home, master! I will now inform you of the work I have done while you were away.”

Alright, maybe Saitama will give it a few days. Maybe he just needed more time to adjust. He wouldn’t even be here most of the next few days anyway. He’ll think about this later.

___________

…[current time: 6:02 p.m.]

……[estimated time of MASTER.SAITAMA arrival: 26 minutes]

…[analyzing HP.list.chore.7.doc…]

……[analysis complete. all items completed]

…[accessing folder recipe_collection]

……[accessing subfolder: dinner_recipe_collection]

………[accessing file 4 of 12…]

…[accessing file: grocery_list_1.doc]

……[adding ‘carrots’, ‘cabbage’, ‘eggs’ to grocery_list_1.doc]

……[file saved]

…[remain idle until biosignature of MASTER.SAITAMA is within activation zone]

…[…]

…[…]

…[warning: unidentified biosignature approaching HOME location]

……[target within 1 mile]

……[target within 0.5 mile]

…[action required: intercept target]

…[exiting HOME: await confirmation of target location]

…[target located: initiating identification procedure]

…[exterior audio detected: beginning audio recording]

--Light footsteps approach--

An incredibly slender figure walked towards Genos from a direction that had no stairs. He was cloaked in a skin-tight black suit with various metal bands and plating, topped off with a long purple scarf. His black hair partially covered his face with the rest held back in a sort of bun high on the back of his head. He stared at the mechanical figure in front of him, visible confusion painted across his face.

…[Male Figure A: “Who the hell are you?”]

…[response processed: “Please identify yourself.”]

…[Male Figure A: “I don’t need to do shit, I’m not here for you. I didn’t think anyone else lived here.”]

…[MALE.FIGURE.A in possession of objects]

……[scanning objects…]

……[objects identified: katana, multiple kunai]

…[MALE.FIGURE.A motion detected: proceeding forward]

…[target identified as major threat: initiate HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

…[response processed: “I’m sorry, but I must stop you here. Unless you identify yourself and leave your dangerous possessions behind, I cannot allow you to proceed.”]

…[Male Figure A: “No way, an android? You look like a freak. I didn’t take Saitama as someone who would own one of you useless pieces of garbage.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline: system calibrations delayed until HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai completed]

…[Male Figure A: “Well I guess I’ll inform you then: I’m Speed of Sound Sonic, Saitama’s rival. I’m sure he’s mentioned me. I’m here for a rematch.”]

…[response processed: “No, I have not been informed of your existence. You must not be relevant.”]

Sonic did not take Genos’s comment well. He had never met a more agitating android in his life, and he wasn’t about to let this go. He proceeded forward, the hand that was previously resting on his hip now moving up to grab the hilt of his sword. ‘I’ll turn this piece of shit into scrap metal’ he sneered, his original objective now a temporary afterthought. He was going to enjoy this.

…[proximity within striking range: retreat to safe distance]

…[SOS Sonic: “More relevant than you.”]

…[WARNING]

…[WARNING]

…[WARNING: weapon detected. identification: katana]

…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: facial region]

…[engage evasive maneuver: contract lumbar braces, adjust for balance]

Sonic swung his blade in a wide arc high enough to strike Genos’s face, but the android leaned back just enough for the edge to miss. Sonic’s eyes widened in surprise at the speed exhibited by this robot since he was sure he would end this quickly. Surprise quickly turned to anger, however, as the robot righted himself back up to continue to stare daggers at him. Sonic was now even more determined to kill this android.

…[AG_UN05 unit safety prioritized: disengaging HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

…[threat level 8 detected: DO NOT ENGAGE: alerting authorities…]

……[error: unable to alert authorities: please update OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

…[SOS Sonic: “You little shit.”]

……[downloading OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

…[download cancelled]

……[WARNING: weapon detected: identification: kunai]

…[error: connection interrupted: unable to download OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

……[sending OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]

…[command: clear notifications]

As Genos took a few steps backwards and closed his eyes hard, Sonic took that moment to throw a few kunai at him, determined to incapacitate even a bit of him. Surely there were some wires or tubes he could sever that would slow this bot down. Sonic had taken out plenty of androids in the past; they’re cowards once they take some damage.

…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: left shoulder]

……[engage evasive maneuver: contract right thoracic braces, adjust for balance]

Much to Sonic’s dismay, Genos twisted to the side and allowed the kunai to sail past his chest, striking the far wall behind him. Sonic grit his teeth even harder, his annoyance overflowing at this change of events. However, he figured if they caused enough of a ruckus, Saitama might finally get off his ass and fight him. Change of plans.

…[SOS Sonic: “Oh that’s cute, you think you’re faster than me?”]

…[file OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: abdomen]

……[engage evasive maneuver: activating SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in R3 position, calibrate new location]

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

Genos jettisoned backwards a short distance, blowing extremely hot air from his shoulders to create thrust. The sword had missed his target again, but Sonic was no longer as aggravated by this. It looked like getting this robot to move about made way more noise, so that is exactly what he was going to do. Sonic could feel his face contort into his annoying smile, but he didn’t fight it. Now things were getting interesting.

…[SOS Sonic: “Then let’s see how fast you really are!”]

…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach forward]

……[proximity too close: retreat to safe distance]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

……[error: cannot execute command: MASTERKEY password required]

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

…[command: override MASTERKEY password]

……[error: cannot execute command: admin credentials required]

…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from right]

…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: neck]

……[engage evasive maneuver: contract left oblique fibers, calculate exit path]

………[optimal path calculated: engage SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in F1 position, adjusting for impact from 50’ height]

Genos leaned down and shot forward past Sonic and his blade, clearing the railing and falling from the upper level of the building to the street below. The wind whipped past Sonic, causing him to shield his eyes for a moment before turning to regain Genos’s location. He gripped the railing for a moment, leaving dents in the metal. Vaulting over the railing himself, he was now immersed in this chase. Saitama could wait. This was personal.

…[SOS Sonic: “Where do you think you’re going?!”]

…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from above]

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

……[error: cannot execute command: MASTERKEY password required]

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

…[command: clear notifications]

…[weapon path estimation: central chest]

……[engage evasive maneuver: project off adjacent wall. engage HAND.SUBTHRUSTER.ai at power level 2]

………[optimal path calculated: roll to dissipate speed, turn 180 to relocate target]

Sonic had landed behind Genos, who spun around to meet him. Sonic swung his katana quickly straight at his chest, but Genos jumped backwards with the help of a boost of momentum from his palms. Hitting the wall of the apartment building, Genos kicked off it to fly forward past Sonic again. As he hit the ground, he rolled to dissipate his momentum and turned to face Sonic again.

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

……[error: cannot execute command. MASTERKEY password required]

‘Damnit’

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

…[command: locate MASTERKEY password]

……[error: command not identified]

…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from behind]

…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: back of cranium]

……[engage evasive maneuver: expand lumbar braces, contract quadricep fibers, rotate]

Sonic had slipped past the android during his little stunt, determined to try to hit him in his blind spot. He shot forward, keeping two hands on the hilt of his sword to put as much power and speed into this strike as possible. He swung towards the back of Genos’s head, but as he continued forward he was met with no resistance. Genos had ducked down low to avoid the blade once more.

…[response processed: “It is best if you stop your attacks. You cannot touch me.”]

…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]

…[SOS Sonic: “I haven’t even been trying!”]

…[command: overclock POWER.CORE.ai]

…[command: overclock COOLING.FAN.TORSO.ai]

…[command: overclock COOLING.FAN.SHOULDER.ai]

…[WARNING: overheating: discharging excess power: remain away from electronics]

…[SOS Sonic: “You really are just a-“]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA biosignature detected]

Saitama delivered a smack to Sonic’s head, sending him sprawling into the pavement. One of the ninja’s legs bent upward, twitching slightly. He could only give a faint groan.

“Oi! Leave Genos alone!” Saitama scolded. He hadn’t even removed his other hand from his sweatshirt pocket. “You alright?” He looked over to the android who was now glowing bright yellow from some of the creases in his metal plating. As the glow began to dim, the electrical sparks emanating from him also ceased. The roar of a multitude of fans finally calmed and Genos righted himself from his bent position. The last to diminish was the faint blue hue originating from the center of his chest. After taking a few more moments to collect his composure, he bowed deeply to his master.

“I apologize; I attempted to protect your home from what I deemed a potential threat and was subsequently attacked. I did my best to lure the culprit away from the residence in order to avoid any potential damage.” Genos replied with his face still lowered. Saitama looked down at Sonic one more time before making his way to Genos’s side. He gave the android a good pat on the shoulder.

“Good job then. Yeah, I probably should have warned you about Sonic. I didn’t think he’d be back so soon, considering last time... You must be pretty fast if you can keep up with him.” Saitama chuckled slightly to try to ease the tension. Genos finally raised his head to look at his master, the worried creases in his brows finally smoothing back into his normal resting angry face. “Now come on, I’m hungry. I hurried back ‘cause I skipped lunch.” Saitama turned and headed towards the stairs, Genos quickly in tow.

Right as they made it to the door, Genos detected Sonic’s biosignature retreating rapidly. Saitama commented about “catch and release”, though Genos didn’t understand. Inside and away from the approaching darkness, the bald man turned with a grin and held up his small wallet.

“So, the old man that hired me gave me double pay since I did so much work for him. Guess he was just that happy to have all those boulders removed. Maybe we can get you an extra pair of shoes in case you ruin yours.” Saitama hadn’t been this excited since the last major sale at his favorite grocery store two months ago. He was thinking of all the different meals they could make, like hot pot. Or they could go for some udon. That sounded really good. He stopped drooling for moment to shift his attention to the bot, noticing no reaction from him. “Something wrong? You don’t want shoes?”

“I must apologize again, master. You witnessed me in a dangerous state and could have been injured. I had determined that I needed to perform extreme measures to intimidate the intruder since he persisted with his attacks. I am, after all, unable to injure a human due to strict programming.” If possible, Genos’s face appeared even more serious than before. It was more impressive than intimidating.

“It’s fine, I’m not bothered. I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt. I don’t know how much it costs to repair you. Besides, it’s good because there’s a lot of monsters around here, so if you’re able to get away that means I don’t have to worry. Plus, you can’t hurt me. I’m pretty strong.” Saitama felt a little weird having to reassure a robot, but there wasn’t really anything about this that was normal. He thought back to his worries earlier in the week, shaking his head a bit at what seems like silly things now. Genos is strong too, probably. Or at least fast. He’s not stuck here at all. Saitama proposes that he made the right decision after all. Tomorrow they’ll head out and make him a more permanent presence here in this tiny apartment.

“And anyway, with that glowing you could make for a good nightlight.”

Genos didn’t take this as a joke.

Chapter Text

…[maintain umbrella position for optimal protection on MASTER.SAITAMA]

…[approaching pedestrians: remain centrally behind MASTER.SAITAMA to reduce walking profile]

…[adjusting umbrella due to collision]

…[moisture detected: rear side of unit: engaging COOLING.FAN.TORSO.ai in R2 position at 6%]

…[approaching destination: ReThrift Store]

…[analyzing display posters: “TODAY ONLY: ALL ITEMS BOGO”]

……[interpretation: “Buy-One-Get-One” commonly used to indicate one item is full price and one item is free]

…[engaging CURTESY.DOOR.PROTOCOL.ai for MASTER.SAITAMA]

…[Master: “Thanks.”]

…[entering building: disengage umbrella: insert umbrella into casing]

…[scanning premise…10%...]

…[50%...]

…[scan complete]

……[occupants within premise: 6]

…[Master: “Oh man, you got wet. I knew we should have grabbed another umbrella somewhere.”]

…[response processed: “I have already engaged my internal fans, my clothing will be dry relatively quickly.”]

…[Master: “That’s convenient.”]

…[remain approximately 4 feet from MASTER.SAITAMA to allow optimal shopping experience]

…[diverting path to clothing section]

…[Master: “Ah, here we go.”]

…[do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA while shopping until input is received]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

Saitama casually browsed the shirts, unsure of what to look for. He selected a plain gray shirt to start, hoping this would be the right size. He held it up in front of Genos but realized quickly that even though the shirt would fit his torso, his shoulders were a different story. He placed the shirt back on the rack and began looking around for a different section.

…[Master: “Probably can’t look at these ones since you have big arms. Maybe we’ll stick to stuff without sleeves.”]

…[diverting path to next shirt section]

…[proximity too close: remain 4 feet from MASTER.SAITAMA]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

Saitama browsed absentmindedly through the plethora of shirts on display. He thumbed through the hangers, sometimes checking a price tag here and there. He made it through about a sixth of the selection before turning to look at the still android, those yellow eyes boring straight into his soul. Saitama blinked slowly at him before giving a small sigh.

…[Master: “Oi. These are for you. You should look through these, too.”]

…[response processed: “Is there any criteria of which you wish for me to search? For example, I can search for shirts based on quality, washable material, specific colors, specific fit, or shirts with certain logos.”]

…[Master: “Just look for something you like.”]

…[statement acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]

…[response processed: “I-“]

…[response cancelled: reason: unnecessary]

……[response cancellation filed under RESPONSE.CATALOG.CANCELLATION subfolder]

…[response processed: “Understood. I shall begin searching. Please excuse me.”]

…[scanning clothing rack…25%...]

…[80%...]

…[scan complete]

…[identifying 926 potential shirt options]

……[reducing shirt options. qualification: size]

……[identifying 257 potential shirt options]

………[reducing shirt options. qualification: washable material]

………[identifying 187 potential shirt options]

…………[reducing shirt options. qualification: price]

…………[identifying 45 potential shirt options]

……………[reducing shirt options. qualification: style]

……………[identifying 21 potential shirt options]

…[selecting identified shirts for approval from MASTER.SAITAMA]

……[depositing first selection with MASTER.SAITAMA: retrieve remaining items]

…[Master: “Hey wait, this is a lot already. How many more are you grabbing?”]

……[depositing remaining selection with MASTER.SAITAMA]

Saitama now held a comically large pile of tank tops in his arms, looking over the pile as the clearly-out-of-his-mind robot. He swept his eyes over all adjacent areas, desperate for a spot to place these down. No such luck.

…[response processed: “These are the clothing items I have determined best fit the criteria that would most likely appeal to you, master. I scanned all available sleeveless shirt items and then filtered them out based on size, washability, price, and style. The reason I selected style as one of the criteria is to avoid shirts that could potentially become caught in my joints or plating.”]

…[Master: “So… these aren’t what you like, you just got them because they’re convenient.”]

…[statement acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]

…[response cancelled: reason: unnecessary]

……[overriding cancellation: second inquiry overrides ‘unnecessary’ reason selection]

…[response processed: “I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have desires. If there is any particular clothing you wish for me to wear, you are free to select them. Based on research, many users find entertainment in dressing their android units in particular colors, uniforms, or styles in order to match or fulfill their personal preferences.”]

…[Master: “Eh? That sounds creepy. Though I guess that’s what King does with his… Anyway, I’m not really interested in that. Look, can you just pick, I don’t know, five from this pile that you think are the best?”]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: creased eyebrows, exaggerated exhale, terse tone]

……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]

……[motion identified: frustration]

………[comply with request to alleviate frustration]

…[response processed: “Understood. Based on color theory and analyzing the latest male fashion trends, the shirts from my previous selection- “]

…[response interrupted]

…[Master: “Stop! Just… Pick something. Anything. Without analyzing or thinking about it.”]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA frustration levels increasing: comply with request to alleviate frustration]

……[selecting first shirt on top of pile]

…[Master: “That’s not what I asked!”]

…[response processed: “I selected a shirt without analysis just as you requested.”]

…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: excessive staring]

……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]

……[unable to identify motion]

…[Master: “You’re something else, you know that.”]

…[response processed: “I am an android. I do not know what else I am supposed to be.”]

…[Master: “If you're 'just a robot' then do what I ask.”]

…[response processed: “As an android, I am designed to fulfill your requests within reason. I explained previously that there are requests I cannot complete such as cause harm or perform activities I am not programmed for, but this also includes making decisions regarding wants or desires from me since I do not have those functions. At most, over time I will build a better profile of your preferences and be able to make decisions based on what I calculate would be preferable to you. If I am to be assessed for any wants, it is simply to be satisfactory in my service to you.”]

…[Master: “Fine.”]

‘I’ve disappointed him.’

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]

……[freezing facial functions: administering regulatory shock]

………[further calibration required]

………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[Master: “Here, I think these ones will work. Hold these will you?”]

…[response processed: “Hai.”]

…[receiving clothing items: retain possession until further direction given]

…[Master: “Come on, we’ll get you an extra pair of pants.”]

Saitama, now free of holding any clothing as all other shirts were now back where they belonged, or at least close, scanned the signs to look for where to go next. Once located, he continued with Genos loosely in tow. The android seemed determined to stay a certain distance from him, which was kind of annoying when trying to hand him things. During his musings he almost ran into an old lady and apologized in passing. She would have been upset but was caught off guard by the strange android, gazing mouth-ajar at him long after he had passed. Typical of basically everyone around them.

…[Master: “I uh… don’t know your size. Guess it doesn’t matter much with these; the sizes can be all over the place. We’ll just have you try some on.”]

…[scanning clothing rack…25%...]

…[75%...]

…[Master: “Huh… ‘pair of pants’. Such a weird phrase.”]

…[statement acknowledged: end clothing scanning: searching for history of ‘pair of pants’…]

…[generating response…]

…[response processed: “Master, the term ‘pair of pants’ has sparked some debate within linguistic academia, but the most commonly accepted premise is that ‘pants’ is a plurale tantum, meaning it only has a plural form. As such, the preceding addition of ‘pair of’ is appropriate for such a word as it would otherwise sound stilted. Other words that also adhere to this rule include: scissors, glasses, tweezers, and pliers. Though there is also the belief that in historic times, ‘pants’ were two items that one would be put on separately and secured at the waist. Thus, it would make more sense to call it a ‘pair’ since it was once two items.”]

…[Master: “That’s… interesting.”]

…[response processed: “If you have any other questions, I will be happy to research them for you.”]

…[Master: “I’m good.”]

…[response acknowledged: do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA while shopping until input is received]

…[awaiting input…]

…[…]

…[Master: “Here, lets trade and you can go try these on.”]

…[exchanging clothing items]

…[diverting path to dressing rooms]

…[Master: “This one’s open.”]

--approaching footsteps--

…[identifying figure: employee uniform recognized]

…[Male Employee A: “Excuse me, are you going to have your android try on clothes?”]

…[Master: “Yeah, I want to make sure they fit.”]

…[Male Employee A: “We don’t allow androids into dressing rooms due to security reasons.”]

…[Master: “What, you think he’s going to steal pants?”]

…[Male Employee A: “I don’t make the rules, I’m just saying-“]

…[Master: “This is the most rule-crazy robot you’ll ever meet. He’s not going to steal pants.”]

…[Male Employee A: “I’ve heard that excuse before, it still doesn’t change our policy.”]

…[Master: “He doesn’t even have anywhere to stick them.”]

…[Male Employee A: “We’ve had people attempt to walk out with their androids wearing multiple clothing items, especially under sweatshirts like yours.”]

…[Master: “Oh now you’re accusing me of stealing?!”]

…[engage measures to dissipate probable altercation]

…[Male Employee A: “Sir, I-“]

…[response processed: “Master, I would like a chance to correct this situation. I was distracted earlier by your inquiry into historic vernacular that I did not finish my scan of clothing items. I can determine whether there is a high probability that the pants you are holding will be compatible with my stature. Taking into consideration waist circumference, length, and material composition will give me a 98% certainty regarding fit.”]

…[Master: “Fine, we’ll just do that. Happy?”]

…[Male Employee A: “Thank you for complying with the store rules.”]

…[Master: “Yeah, whatever.”]

--Male Employee A walks away--

…[Male Employee A: “Damn weirdos…”]

…[scanning clothing items…]

…[scan complete]

…[response processed: “I have determined that of the selected items, these two are the most likely to fit me.”]

…[Master: “Then we’ll get both, just in case. Last thing… shoes. But just one.”]

…[response processed: “Understood.”]

…[receiving clothing items: retain possession until further direction given]

…[diverting path to shoe section]

…[Master: “You want to just… scan everything? I’m kind of done being here.”]

…[response processed: “Of course, please allow me a moment.”]

…[scanning footwear… 50%...]

…[scan complete]

…[acquiring selected footwear]

…[response processed: “Master, if we are looking for one pair of shoes, I have determined that these would be the best selection as the shoes are in the best condition for a reasonable price.”]

…[Master: “Alright, grab them and we’ll go check out.”]

…[response processed: “Hai.”]

…[statement acknowledged: all shopping completed: no further scanning required]

…[diverting path to registers]

…[maintain visual contact with MASTER.SAITAMA]

As the pair walked towards the registers at the far end of the store, they passed through rest of the various sections the store had to offer. Saitama was trying to remember the last time he’d been here, it felt like they expanded. Surely, they didn’t have this entire furniture section before. It looked rough and smelled a little. As they passed the kitchen section, he thought about whether he needed any new pans. Not yet at least.

…[WARNING: no further scanning required: unnecessary visual scanning conducted]

……[objects identified: kitchenware]

…[WARNING: path to registers interrupted. unnecessary detour conducted]

……[objects identified: aprons]

…[attempting to recalculate path to MASTER.SAITAMA location]

…[error: unit not responding: scanning unit for anomalies]

‘I want that.’

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]

……[freezing facial functions. administering regulatory shock]

………[further calibration required]

………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc to AI: file not detected]

Saitama was almost at the registers when he realized he no longer heard the heavy footsteps of Genos. He turned and searched a bit before spotting his shiny metal figure a few sections back. Wandering over to where the android had become distracted, noticing what had pulled his attention.

…[Master: “There you are. You looking at aprons? Do you think we should get one?”]

…[response processed: “I was simply considering that many of my chores involve water or chemical-based products, and an apron could be useful in preserving my limited clothing.”]

…[Master: “Alright then, pick one.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]

……[processing disciplinary action to reduce BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels]

………[trigger object identified: pink apron: disallowing selection of object]

………[halting movement]

…[Master: “Change your mind?”]

…[response processed: “Yes… I… don’t think that… is the right one…”]

…[error: response partially corrupted: reattempt response]

…[response processed: “After further analysis, I have determined that-“]

Saitama did not hesitate to swipe the apron that Genos had originally reached for. Why he stopped, Saitama had no idea but it didn’t matter. This pink apron with the little running egg figure was heavily marked down, so into the pile it went.

…[Master: “We’ll get the pink one.”]

…[BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels still elevated: within acceptable range.]

…[response processed: “Thank you, master.”]

With the end finally in sight, Saitama and Genos placed all their acquired items on the table for the employee to scan. The same employee who gave them sass earlier and seemed to still be on their case. Saitama returned the favor, giving only curt answers and a huff before turning with their bags and leaving. Genos managed to wrangle two of the three bags from his master before getting out the door. Luckily the rain had subsided, leaving only a thin mist in the air as the rainwater evaporated off the hot asphalt and concrete in wisps that lightly glowed with each passing car.

“It’s a good thing there was such a good deal going on, we got plenty left over to get you that futon. C’mon, the next store is just around the corner. We’ll make this one quick, I want to get home out of this humidity.” Saitama rifled through his small wallet with a bit of glee, happy to see so much of his money remaining. True to his word, they were in and out of the next store within 10 minutes and received just as much scrutiny. Saitama was really getting tired of people’s comments on his actions. Did Genos not deserve even the minimum amount of care? ‘Today was supposed to be chill, now I’m all worked up.’ Saitama sulked a bit, but reminded himself that they wouldn’t need to do this again for a long time.

‘Wait… how long do androids live for?’ The question made his stomach drop. Were the clothes he just bought Genos all he would need during his life? No doubt Genos would scold him for using the word “life”, so he wouldn’t ask. He doesn’t want another lecture on all the things that stupid company says this bot is and isn’t. It was curious, though. Despite all the attempts to show Saitama that he didn’t have wants, Genos sure did lock in on that apron. Maybe Saitama was reading too much into it, kind of like how people give their toaster a personality. Also didn’t help that Genos seemed very well aware of Saitama’s desire to save money.

Once home and unpacked, they finished off some leftovers from the previous night. While the bald man brushed his teeth and got ready for the night, Genos quickly cleaned up their dishes. Nothing stayed in the sink longer than twenty minutes since the android had arrived. Saitama proceeded to lay out both of their beds on the main room’s floor. It was definitely a tight fit in this tiny apartment, but it worked. Genos gave his usual spiel about how this was not needed, but Saitama was determined.

“You told me earlier you’re “just an android” and you want to make me happy. This will make me happy, and it doesn’t require you to do bad things. Are you really going to tell me you’re not able to sleep lying down? Is there programming in that brain of yours that prevents it?” Saitama was clearly very tired at this point, having dealt with enough today.

“I apologize if I came off as rude, I was simply attempting to give Android Industries’ reasoning regarding nightly routines and saving space, but I understand now that those topics do not interest you. I shall modify my behavioral programming to take this into account for the future.” Genos knelt down to his bed and touched it lightly. He rolled himself over, laying on his back and stared at the ceiling. Saitama was beginning to wonder if maybe allowing him to sleep sitting would be better after all.

“Goodnight, master.”

“Goodnight, Genos.”

Genos did not sleep.

Chapter Text

The crimson dragon’s scales danced in the fires that raged from the destroyed buildings around it. Saitama’s ragged breathing and pounding heartbeat drowned out the roar from the flames, the remnants of his clothing wrapped loosely around his body. He was pissed since that was his favorite shirt. The beast screeched in anger at this interloper’s tenacity, pure hatred pouring forth into yet another powerful strike at the bald man. Saitama dodged but knew he couldn’t continue forever. He needed to end this fight; the safety of the world depended on it. This dragon wanted to scorch the Earth, kill every living being, and take the hordes of wealth left behind as its own forever. Saitama spit blood on the ground beside him, thinking about how stupid a goal this was. He clenched his fist and declared himself protector of this planet before running forward, intending to deal the final blow.

Saitama awoke suddenly from the sound of a pan clattering in the kitchen. He was momentarily dazed, still stuck partially in his dream. He gave a small groan before heaving himself up from his futon. A blond head popped up from the small kitchen window and stared down in slight alarm.

“My apologies if I woke you, master. I determined that it was close to your usual waking time and decided to begin preparations for breakfast.” Genos continued to move about the small space, retrieving various items from the fridge.

“It’s fine. Just give me a minute and I’ll help.” Saitama yawned, stretching his arms wide as he walked to the entrance of the kitchen, looking in at the android who was now trying to meticulously crack an egg into a pan.

“You have given me sufficient instructions on preparing simple scrambled eggs. Please allow yourself to relax while I take care of this.” Genos’s face scrunched in determination, trying desperately to remove the tiny bit of eggshell that decided it wanted to be part of the meal too.

“Okay.” Saitama continued with his own morning ritual with absolutely no haste. He sat back down at the tiny table in the main room and flipped on the television. News immediately began about an increase in monster attacks in City B and how military police forces were working closely with many famous figures and private companies to quell these attacks. Saitama scoffed a bit, mad that they didn’t call him. He then reminded himself that they probably didn’t have his number. Perhaps he’d head over there after some food to help with everything. Afterall, City B was right next door so those monsters could just as easily make their way here, and Saitama did not want to deal with more damage to his home.

“Master, I have prepared breakfast.” Genos placed two plates of eggs and rice on the table before sitting down himself.

“Thanks.” Saitama lifted his first bite to his mouth.

“There is no need to thank me, it is my job to serve you.” The first bite was promptly put back down.

“You still deserve a ‘thanks’ because it was nice of you to make breakfast. You could’ve waited until I told you to, but you didn’t. You did this on your own. And it looks good. So, thanks.” Saitama didn’t wait for a response before finally taking that first bite. The eggs were a bit burnt but otherwise fine enough. There was a long pause before Genos finally picked up his own utensils.

“You’re welcome, master”. Saitama gave an incomprehensible acknowledgement through a mouthful of food. They continued to eat without interruptions, the only sound coming from the low chatter of the news station. After finishing the announcement on monsters, they quickly moved on to a segment regarding someone teaching their dog how to run a lemonade stand, then one about Amai Mask’s latest new single. Saitama’s mind wandered, wondering what it would be like to be that famous. He imagined the crowds of screaming women holding signs with his name, the flood of fan letters he’d receive, and the segments on television that would feature him instead. ‘That sounds… annoying’ he thought, a bit defeated. Sure, praise would be nice but what would he do with all that mail? He’d probably just immediately throw it out, creating more trash he’d have to haul all the way to the trash pickup spot that was beyond the fence. Way too much work for him. Or in this case… Genos. Genos would be the one who would deal with all that, and that sounded a bit cruel. The blond bot already does enough chores around the home, Saitama didn’t want to give him more.

Their peace was interrupted by a rumble, ripples forming in their glasses of water as the building shook. Genos was immediately alert, standing defensively and whipping his head around to face a particular direction, his eyes lighting up as they scanned for the danger. Saitama just stared at him, unperturbed by the event.

“Probably a monster. I’ll go take care of it.” Saitama sluggishly rose from the table, his food basically done. Just as he reached for the glass door, Genos attempted to intervene.

“Master, I detect a high-level monster in the vicinity. It is best if we-“

“It’s really not a problem. I got it.” Saitama slid open the door, walked out onto the balcony, and scanned the horizon for this creature. “Where’d you say it was?”

“I must highly insist that we evac-“

“Oh, there it is.” Saitama had spotted the billowing cloud of dust rising from a recently toppled building. He jumped over the railing and let himself fall to the sidewalk below, leaving a small indent with a spiderweb of cracks around it. He’ll… fix that later. To his surprise, however, he was joined by the loyal android who also left a larger indent on the sidewalk. So much for fixing that.

“Master, please listen. My advanced scanning system indicates that this monster registers high on the danger detection scale. It would be inadvisable for you to engage without any assistance. One of my primary override protocols is to direct you to safety should I detect any danger to my current master or any civilians within my vicinity.” Genos made his way between Saitama and where the monster was detected.

“I already told you, I’m strong. I’m a hero for fun after all.” Saitama figured that was enough explanation and sprinted around the tiny obstacle. The longer he waited, the closer that monster could come to ruining his home. Or worse… his favorite grocery store. He was not going to let that happen, they had a sale coming up in a few days that he needed to go to. He was only missing a few ingredients to finally make that hot pot he has been craving for weeks.

To both his amazement and no surprise at all, Genos followed closely behind. He ran with his torso low, his large arms stretch backward for balance. While Saitama wasn’t going all-out, it was still impressive that the android could keep pace like this. As they approached the assumed location, more dust clouds poured forth from the destruction it was creating. The creature let out a massive screeching roar, one that sounded eerily familiar to Saitama. This couldn’t be… the crimson dragon?

As the two rounded the corner, the monster finally came into view. Two incredibly long, silver blades shaped like scythes were the first noticeable feature of this creature. Saitama’s shoulders slumped in disappointment as this clearly wasn’t a dragon. Instead, it seemed to be some sort of praying mantis mixed with an exorbitant amount of steroids. Bugs should not have that many muscles. The glint of Genos’s plating caught the beast’s attention immediately, and it struck without hesitation. Saitama gave Genos a light push out of the way, which sent him careening into the adjacent building.

“Oops, sorry!” Saitama called out before returning his attention to the insect. The bug took another quick swing at Saitama, but he just jumped out of the way with ease. Genos had peeled himself out of his small pile of rubble, taking note that nothing was damaged. He watched as Saitama continued to dodge attack after attack with little effort. The mantis’s head attempted to track its assailant’s location with only mild success despite its large compound eyes. Its clear frustration amounted to one more huge attack, destroying three buildings in one go and another huge scream that caused Genos’s systems to go haywire.

Just as he was about to call out one more time to retreat, he watched his master clench his fist and punch the creature straight in chest. It was as if time had slowed, and all Genos could do was observe the spray of green blood and chunks of monster meat fly away from the powerful blast that just emanated from Saitama’s strike. The monster’s energy signature disappeared instantly, the remnants of its body falling lifeless to the ground. Saitama landed on the remaining section of flat street, the same bored expression donning his face. Just another slain monster for the hero-for-fun.

The bald man turned and walked over to Genos, who was still wide-eyed and mouth agape from shock. He called out to no reaction, so he waved his hand in front of the android’s face a bit to try to gain his attention. Genos’s vision was too clouded with messages to notice.

…[error: unable to calculate]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: error unknown processes]

…[error: WARNING]

…[WARNING: error unknown]

“Yo, you ready to head back?” Saitama casually asked one more time, as if he didn’t just exhibit a mind-blowing feat of strength. Genos closed his eyes hard and shook his head, regaining his composure.

“Master, I am unable to calculate the power behind your attack on that monster. I recognize you stated earlier that you were, and I quote “really strong”, but I clearly misunderstood the meaning. You are… I will adjust my protocols regarding your safety in order to account for this new information. Clearly you are more than capable of overcoming any danger. You… I will update your profile in accordance with A.I. standards regarding android owner information being as up to date as possible.” Genos seemed to glitch a bit while speaking, but Saitama just figured it was his system being overwhelmed.

“That’s fine. But for real, I need a shower so let’s go.” Saitama turned and strolled away without any more discussion. Genos quickly caught back up, following along behind as he usually did. They walked in silence for most of the trip, Saitama trying to shake some of the monster blood from his arms as he went. It was pretty much dried on at this point. He was wondering if his pajama pants were salvageable, or if would have been better to get some new ones when they were at that store a few days ago. Oh well, not much he can do about it now. Genos can probably research some way to get the stains out. ‘I wonder if he knows how to sew’ Saitama thought, remembering all the clothes he’s had destroyed in the past. The silence was broken when the aforementioned android finally spoke.

“If it is not too forward of me to say… You are incredible.” Saitama was caught off guard by the comment. This was by far the most human thing Saitama has heard from the guy.

“Where did that come from?” Saitama was now feeling a bit odd from the compliment.

“There is nothing in your record that would indicate you are capable of such strength. There are plenty of publicly recognized ‘Hero’ individuals, why are you not amongst them?” Genos questioned just as their apartment building loomed into view.

“Oh yeah, I mean… It’s fine. I just do this as a hobby.” They rounded the corner and started up the stairs.

“I see, so you began these activities recently…” Genos was attempting to connect dots that weren’t there.

“Nah, I started three years ago,” Saitama corrected. They both strolled into the apartment, which was luckily just as they left it.

“Surely within those three years you defeated a monster that the public noticed. Or do you prefer to remain unknown?” Genos was not about to let this topic go, so Saitama decided it best to humor him.

“I mean, there was a time I punch a meteor, but people just got mad at me for it.” Saitama recalled the whole event. Some machine guy got the credit for that one. Bastard.

“Then there is an active group conspiring against you. It is the only explanation. We must-“

“Woah, slow down. I don’t think that’s it.” Saitama held up his hands to try to calm the angry robot in front of him. He could tell the guy about King, but he didn’t really want the android company to know about that. “I don’t know what you’re getting so riled up about, it’s really not a big deal. Like I said, it’s just a hobby.” Saitama picked up his and Genos’s abandoned plates and deposited them into the kitchen sink. That shower was calling him so desperately.

He peaked back into the living room to see Genos staring at the floor, unfocused. Just as Saitama was about to breach the silence, Genos finally moved to turn to face him with his usual stoic face back in place.

“My apologies, I was simply trying to determine if there were active cases of injustice against you. As my master, your status as a member of society is still considered a priority to me as your android servant. If you are experiencing instances of ill intent, it can affect your health and wellbeing, which I am tasked to manage for your convenience.” Ah, there’s the robot Saitama is familiar with. Back to normal.

“The only injustice I experience is King kicking my ass in video games…” Saitama joked, but it seemed to fall flat on the android.

“Then I will assist you in your training,” Genos projected, stepping forward in determination. Saitama was about to reject this when a short knock was heard from the front door.

“Oh, what now?” Saitama groaned.

“I did not detect anyone approaching. Perhaps my scanning systems are malfunctioning due to the earlier interruptions in my system processors. I shall investigate to make sure no nuisance ninjas are here to interrupt your time, master.” Genos marched past Saitama before the man had a chance to even process what was happening. The android whipped the door open so fast that it knocked some of the papers off the desk in the living room.

Beyond the door stood a tall, statuesque woman with medium length dark green hair. She wore a long, dark green dress to match, which was tight to her form above the hips, then flowed into loose fabric below. She sported a classy string of pearls around her neck which disappeared behind the collar of her dress. She stood startled by the sudden appearance of not-Saitama before she furrowed her brow and attempted to regain her aloof attitude.

“And who might you be?” The woman questioned.

“Please state your business,” Genos countered.

“Oh, it’s Fubuki,” Saitama clarified.

Genos moved to the side so that Saitama had a better view of his new guest, though he didn’t seem pleased by this. Saitama didn’t invite her in and instead walked over to meet her at the doorway.

“What are you here for?” Saitama asked immediately. Fubuki was always only here for her own reasons, none of which ever interested the man. The last time was to convince him to go undercover and stalk some couple, and the time before that she wanted him to retrieve some lost luggage or something. All things that sounded boring or mundane but apparently at least paid her bills.

“I was in the neighborhood on business. My associates and I were hired to track and capture a loose monster and I wanted to make sure you hadn’t already killed it. I heard a commotion so I thought I would check.” Fubuki feigned cleaning her nails as she spoke, looking down her nose attempting to extrude importance.

“I’m not helping you look for it.” Fubuki snapped up, face contorted in anger at the man in front of her.

“As a member of the Fubuki Group, it is important that you pull your weight, Saitama!” She slammer her foot down for extra emphasis.

“I’m not part of your group,” Saitama reminded her.

“Fine. Join my ground and… I’ll… provide you complimentary maintenance on your android!” Fubuki was clearly struggling to keep the bald man’s attention, shouting the first thing that came to mind to try to coax him to her side. Her statement made her stop, though. She finally acknowledged that there was a new addition to this normally lonely household. “Hold up, when did you get this?” She motioned to the android with the stare of death behind Saitama. He turned to look at Genos, having forgotten for a second he was there.

“Oh, uh.. a couple weeks ago? I didn’t “get” him, I won him so now he lives here.” Saitama thought he summed that up pretty good. He was doing well explaining things today.

“And what model is it exactly?” She asked, raising a single eyebrow.

“I don’t know, Genos what model are you?” Saitama was so done right now.

“My model designation is AG-UN05. Any other information is irrelevant to you,” Genos nearly spat at the intruder. His eyes could not get any narrower, his face covered in a shadow that seemed impossible in this lighting.

“You are a feisty android, I’ve never seen anything like it. What would you need an android for anyway? You live in a tiny box, there’s no way you need something as expensive as that.” Fubuki gave the entranceway a once over, exaggerating her point.

“It’s no big deal, he keeps himself busy.” Saitama moved in a way that partially shielded Genos from Fubuki’s prying eyes, though he didn’t consciously know it. Fubuki was getting to something, Saitama just knew it.

“Well, if you won’t work for me, why not lend me your android? It seems capable, I’ll rent it from you for a generous fee,” she bargained. Perhaps if she could get his android to sing her praises, it would entice Saitama to join as well. A review from a trusted source. Plus, 'generous' was a relative term.

“I am not interested,” Genos did not hesitate to shut the suggestion down. Saitama once again turned to look at him, matching Fubuki’s incredulous stare. They both were momentarily silenced by both the tone and brevity of the response.

“I thought you didn’t have wants,” Saitama retorted.

“I am designated to serve you and you alone, master. While I will comply with some commands made by those associated with you, I am not required to fulfill any of them unless they are related directly to your health, safety, or convenience. I must also raise the concern that should you request that I work with this woman, there is a chance that I may be damaged while within her care in which you would be required to cover all repair costs despite what she is promising. Any actions I take outside of your care are also still your responsibility, including any potential damage I cause to others. The liability of me working outside of your direct guidance is highly frowned upon by Android Industries, and should you accept money for renting me out also opens you up to potential lawsuits. I did not feel it immediately important to outline all of the points I have just stated since you have reminded me twenty three times to shorten my responses. I determined simply stating that I wasn’t interested would be sufficient.” Genos droned, his voice softening to just a monotone deliverance once he turned to speak directly to Saitama.

“Well, there you have it. You can’t hire him,” Saitama summed up concisely. He was on a roll.

“Saitama, can I have a word with you? Alone?” Fubuki wouldn’t take her eyes off Genos, who was also returning the favor.

“We’d have to go far if you don’t want him to hear you.”

“Fine. This android is strange, and I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors keeping it.” Fubuki looked Saitama dead in the eye, all pretense of superiority or quips gone.

“He’s fine, he’s just a little odd. Nothing wrong with that.” Saitama attempted to wave away Fubuki’s concern, but she pressed on.

“I have been around plenty of androids from doing my line of work. I can already tell there is something off with it. Androids don’t have expressions like that, they don’t talk like that, and they certainly don’t look like that. You say you “won” it but that is suspicious at best. You are not a lucky man. You’re being fucked with.” While she was attempting to be reasonable, her tone made her sound condescending. Any concern was now lost on Saitama as he became defensive.

“Alright, noted. Go find your monster.” Saitama’s expression made Fubuki recoil, as she finally recognized she crossed a line. She sighed, giving up her temporary crusade.

“Whatever. Have you seen a small, cat-like creature?” She finally asked her original question.

“No, just a bug. Bye.” Saitama closed the door with a bit more force than he intended. It was, as he checked the clock in the kitchen, barely past noon and he was already ready for bed. Or at least that shower. He realized he spent that entire conversation shirtless and in stained pajama pants. He retreated back into the main room, intent on grabbing a change of clothes to take with him. Once he had what he needed, he started his trek back to the bathroom only to stop once he noticed Genos hadn’t moved from the hallway.

“You okay? You seem… mad. Look, don’t take what she said seriously, she’s really good at getting rise out of people,” Saitama attempted to lighten the atmosphere.

“I am not offended as I do not have feelings. I was simply rebooting and calibrating my scanning systems in order to make sure they are fully functional.” Genos had not turned to face him yet.

“Okay, that’s good then. It just seemed like you really didn’t like her.” Saitama was hoping maybe now he’d move. The hallway was pretty narrow after all.

“I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have likes or dislikes. She simply fell outside of the normal human experience I am programmed to accommodate for,” Genos seemed back to normal… again, but there was still something off.

“How so?” Saitama was willing to wait just a bit longer, this felt actually important.

“Humans are social creatures that give importance and even compassion to various creatures and objects, such as pets or sentimental objects. Android Industry designs their androids to attempt to hijack this personification that comes innate in many people in an effort to not only prevent harm to android units by eliciting empathy, but also create lasting bonds that would entice humans to either continue using or purchase more androids due to perceived “friendships”. As such, most androids are designated either masculine or feminine in appearance, though more androgynous models exist as well. As such, humans tend to user designators such as “him” or “her” for their units in order to create a more meaningful connection to their android units. This natural phenomenon has been studied extensively if you are interested in reading more on the subject.” Saitama was beginning to think that Genos monologed on purpose.

“Meaning?”

“I am simply stating that-“

“Meaning?” Saitama emphasized a bit more harshly.

“She called me ‘it’.” Genos averted his gaze. Now Saitama understood, his chest constricting in a way he hadn’t felt in a while. Maybe he should take an antacid, those eggs were a bit burnt.

“Oh, I didn’t notice,” Saitama sheepishly admitted.

“There is no need to think further on this, master. As previously stated, I do not have emotions.” Genos finally began to exit the hallway. Saitama had forgotten what he was doing. “I understand you still need to shower after defeating the monster. I apologize if I was in your way. My systems seem to be fully operational again, though I will perform one more system scan tonight so that I can do a full reboot during my sleep mode,” Genos informed with his usual robotic tone. Saitama stared just a bit longer at the android, trying to find anything amiss. Once content, Saitama gave a noise of acknowledgement and continued on to his long-overdue shower. Or maybe a bath at this point. He felt like he needed a good soak after everything.

Fubuki was definitely wrong. Genos was no trouble at all.

Saitama sank into the warm water, wanting it to take all his thoughts away.

Chapter Text

...[response processed: “Master, I believe there is a better deal at this grocery store for the cabbage you are looking for.”]

…[Master: “Oh! Do I have a coupon for that?”]

Saitama comically twisted in various positions, rummaging in his hoodie pocket for a particular flyer. Loose papers began fluttering to the ground around him.

…[retrieve item registered 159.COUP from left rear pocket]

…[deliver item to MASTER.SAITAMA]

…[Master: “Ah! You’re right! Good job Genos!”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]

……[BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

…[response processed: “You’re welcome, Master. I had previously organized your coupons and flyers based on location and date. As you stated we would be in this area, I determined it best to bring the relevant papers along in case they were of use.”]

…[Master: “Good thinking. We’ll come back after we hit the big sale.”]

…[calculating detour path timeframe…]

…[adjusting for current store occupancy…]

…[adjusting for employee checkout speed…]

…[detour calculated: 41 minutes]

…[response processed: “Master, I believe it would be best to split up for this task. It would be inefficient to come back to this location as it is not on our designated route. Circling back could add up to 41 extra minutes to our errand schedule since the other store you wished to visit after the sale is in the other direction from this one. If you would like, I can purchase the necessary cabbage now and meet you at the next store once the task is complete.”]

…[Master: “Good idea! Here, take this… and this, should be enough to buy it. See you later!”]

Saitama continued on with his casual stride, having to still walk quite a few blocks before reaching his destination. While it was nice to save a bunch on one item, it wouldn’t be worth it if they missed the bigger sale. And it was a little nice to have a break from the android who liked to inform him of every little thing he observed on their walk.

…[deposit items into rear left pocket for safety]

…[retrieve flyers from ground: fold and deposit into rear right pocket for safety]

…[adding register.flyer.info.15 to TO_DO.doc]

…[diverting path to new location: locate fresh produce section]

…[scanning premise…10%...]

…[50%...]

As Genos tried to finalize his route, his large profile filled at least half the entrance to the grocery store. Those inside stared pointedly at the fire exit hazard, but those just entering wouldn’t see him until it was too late. One unfortunate customer walked directly into the back of the tall metal figure.

…[adjusting balance: no damage detected]

…[Figure.A: “Move it, would you? Stupid robot. Damnit, my foot…”

…[response cancelled: language not within acceptable filter]

……[response cancellation filed under RESPONSE.CATALOG.CANCELLATION subfolder]

…[do not engage with civilian]

…[Figure.B: “Hey, would you move already? You’re blocking the doors! I thought your kind was supposed to be smart.”]

…[Figure.C: “I know, right? This thing definitely isn’t from Android Industries. Some kind of poorly made knock-off.”]

…[Figure.D: “Look at that android over there. What a dumbass.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine. system calibrations required]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.10.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.10.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.10.doc to AI: file not detected]

‘Just complete your task. Ignore everything else.’

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]

‘No, not again.’

…[command: override SUPPRESS.BIO.REGULATE.PROCEDURE.ai]

……[error: cannot execute command: admin credentials required]

……[freezing facial functions: administering regulatory shock]

………[further calibration required]

………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.11.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.11.doc deleted]

………[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.11.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[command: clear notifications]

Genos closed his eyes hard and shook his head lightly, detecting a short, nosy laugh from one of the other pedestrians around him. Having regained his composure, he continued with his original important task.

…[diverting path to fresh produce section]

…[Figure.E: “That guy is creepy. Who the hell owns him?”]

…[Figure.F: “Probably someone who thinks they’re edgy. How cringe.”]

…[Figure.E: “It’s alone, maybe his owner is too embarrassed. I know I would be. Haha!”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of adrenaline]

‘Ignore it.’

……[BIO.BRAIN adrenaline levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

As Genos passed various displays of food he didn’t need, he took note of how many other androids were in the store as well. Some were alone, some followed along behind their owners. Some were higher-end models that were almost indistinguishable from a human, some were older models where their plastic shined under the overhead lights. None of them looked like him.

…[locating required item: cabbage]

…[select item]

Genos’s hand hovered over a large head of cabbage, pausing in motion just before touching the first leaf. He then slowly retracted his hand, continuing to stare at the green produce in front of him. Those who had been casually tracking the android through the store either continued to gaze unimpressed or raised a single eyebrow at the motion.

…[searching for ‘methods to identify fresh cabbage’]

…[scanning search results…]

…[…]

…[…]

…[…]

At this point, Genos had now been standing over the small display of cabbage for a solid 6 minutes, unmoving and unblinking. A short female employee scooted closer to the blond robot before clearing her throat quietly and piping up with a shaky voice.

--approaching footsteps--

…[identifying figure: employee uniform recognized]

…[Female Employee A: “Excuse me, do you need help with anything?”]

Genos rounded on the employee fast enough to elicit a small squeak from the timid woman. He stared down at her with an intensity she was not accustomed to. The poor woman was not prepared for this on her second day of work. As others watched on, they attempted to whisper to each other while shielding their mouths, but Genos’s audio processors were far more powerful than anyone knew. If felt like they were whispering directly in his ear.

…[response processed: “I was researching how to identify the freshness of a head of cabbage. If you could assist with this process that would be appreciated.”]

…[Figure.G: “Oh great, now he’s scaring the poor employee. They should scrap that waste of metal already.”]

…[Figure.H: “Maybe call up those android police units or something? Get this thing out of here already.”]

…[Female Employee A: “I uh… I believe this one should be fine.”]

…[inspecting cabbage…]

…[inspection complete: 1 bruise detected]

…[response processed: “That cabbage is not acceptable as it contains a bruise. My research has determined that any bruising on a head of cabbage indicates that it is not in perfect condition.”]

…[Female Employee A: “I’m sorry, sir. I did not see that. Here, uh… perhaps this one is okay?”]

…[inspecting cabbage…]

…[inspection complete: trace amounts of dirt detected]

…[response processed: “That cabbage is not acceptable as it contains contamination in the form of particles of dirt. I will not bring substandard cabbage back to my master.”]

…[Figure.J: “I remember when my android tried to be a perfectionist. I beat that out of her real quick.”]

…[Figure.K: “Man, this guy must be a nightmare to work with at home. I feel so sorry for his owner.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine. system calibrations required]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.12.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.12.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.12.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[Female Employee A: “I’m not sure…how to help you…”]

…[target identified: 98% acceptable]

…[retrieve item]

…[response processed: “I have identified a suitable cabbage. Thank you for your assistance.”]

…[disengaging from conversation: initiate RESPECT.BOW.ai]

…[diverting path to checkout]

Genos grabbed a head of cabbage so quickly that two others fell out of the display, then walked away with haste. His departure left the employee reeling from her short experience with the strange android that had wandered into the store. The interaction lasted less than two minutes, but it was two minutes Genos would not commit to memory. He made his way over to one of the three checkout lines, selecting the one that was calculated to take the shortest amount of time. He was already behind his schedule enough as it was.

…[Figure.L: “Don’t get in that line, I don’t want to be near that thing. It looks dangerous.”]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

___________

Saitama had already completed most of the shopping at the second grocery store, mentally marking off all but the two remaining items he needed. It had been quite some time since he split up with Genos, surely it doesn’t take this long to buy one single thing of cabbage. Saitama sighed, realizing how stupid he must sound. He was not going to allow himself to worry any more about the android, the same android that was literally built to do this very thing. Genos can handle one simple task. He placed one more item into his hand basket before looking up and down the aisle, a habit he had picked up in the last ten minutes for no particular reason.

As soon as he rounded into the next aisle, sure enough there was the android making a beeline for him. Saitama gave just a faint smile as he spotted the plastic grocery bag filled with one large head of napa cabbage.

“Oh good, you got it. Everything go okay?” Saitama turned his attention back on getting the last of his list checked off.

“Yes, I have completed the task I was assigned,” Genos reported back, his tone giving Saitama no reason to worry. Not that he would, he just got done telling himself he wouldn’t.

“I’m just about done here, so we can head out.” The bald man turned with his full basket and headed towards his own checkout. Genos provided no further details or chatter, which gave Saitama a bit of pause. He was so used to Genos overexplaining everything he did that this was unusual. Not willing to break this welcomed silence, Saitama decided not to comment on it. Perhaps there really wasn’t anything to report. Genos was finally learning.

No conversation was made while the items were placed on the conveyor belt, scanned, bagged, and then paid for, but the cashier did divert her eyes to the tall android enough times to make Saitama roll his own. Genos grabbed as many of the bags as he could before Saitama took the rest, following dutifully behind as they left the store for their next destination. The sun was high in the sky, leaving no shade for respite from the glaring radiation above or rising heat from the pavement below. The droning sound of cars occasionally drowned out the chatter of the other pedestrians as they walked, creating a white noise effect that caused Saitama to space out. So much so, he almost didn’t hear his name being called.

“Oh ho! Saitama, it has been a while.” An old man, hunched from his age with his hands placed behind his back, strolled up to the pair with an air of familiarity. His wrinkled face proved the years had been tough on him, but his physique argued that he wasn’t done just yet. His bushy eyebrows and mustache matched his entirely gray hair. Genos took in this new figure while Saitama winced a bit at the sight.

“Ah, old man. Yeah, nice catching up. We’re heading to the next store no time to talk.” Saitama half raised his bags as evidence of his claim, but the old man just chuckled to himself.

“There is no need to be hasty, Saitama. I wanted to invite you to my dojo for another demonstration. You can bring your companion along as well,” The old man gestured to Genos.

“Oh, I don’t think Genos is interested in your martial arts,” Saitama replied.

“Hm? An android? What an odd fellow. Ah well, my offer still stands,” The old man persisted.

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Saitama attempted to continue walking, but the old man stepped into his path.

“I do have a reward for attending. I’ve been supplied with too many lobsters and would be more than willing to part with them should you change your mind.” The old man turned around to feign aloofness, stroking his mustache. Genos stepped forward to curb this blatant manipulation.

“I believe my master has stated that-“

“Genos,” Saitama cut in. “It’s important to check in on senior citizens. Let us give the old man some company, it is my duty as a hero to do such things.” Saitama face got serious while delivering this moral decision. Genos’s eyes widened and he turned to face his master with renewed respect.

“Hai!”
___________

…[approaching structure: 34 stairs remaining]

……[destination reached: set new marker for PLACEHOLDER.DOJO]

……[sending PLACEHOLDER.DOJO designation to AI]

……[file successfully sent to AI]

…[resume audio recording]

--shoji doors opening--

…[Old.Man: “Here we are. Come in, come in.”]

…[audio element detected: entrance granted]

…[scanning premise…10%...]

…[50%...]

…[scan complete]

…[occupants detected: 2]

--footsteps approaching—

…[Male.Figure.A: “Eh? Saitama? You have a lot of nerve showing your face here!”]

…[target identified as minimal threat: proceed to monitor]

…[Master: “Oh, it’s Chanpon.”]

…[Chanpon: “It’s Charanko! How dare you, you haven’t apologized for trying to impersonate me! Do you know how much trouble I got in for that?!”]

…[response cancelled: unit is not being addressed]

……[response cancellation filed under RESPONSE.CATALOG.CANCELLATION subfolder]

…[Master: “Ah, the tournament. It should be fine, you can enter next year, right?”]

…[Charanko: “Well, maybe… but that’s not the point!”]

…[Old.Man: “Charanko, that’s enough. Do not treat our guests with such disrespect.”]

…[Charanko: “My apologies, Master Bang.”]

…[updating location marker: BANG.DOJO]

……[sending BANG.DOJO designation to AI]

……[file successfully sent to AI]

Charanko bowed deep to Bang but continued to glare daggers and mumble at Saitama. His anger was interrupted when he noticed a second figure looming behind the offending hero, glaring even more sharply at him. He flinched from the gaze.

…[Charanko: “Uh… who is this?”]

…[Bang: “This is Genos, Saitama’s android companion. He will be joining us for lobster hot pot.”]

…[Charanko: “To eat?”]

…[Master: “Of course.”]

Charanko glanced incredulously at Genos, not fully believing what he was being told. He hadn’t really been around androids, so the idea of one eating was puzzling. Genos continued to stare back, unnerving the young student. This android was incredibly creepy to the frizzy-haired martial artist.

…[Bang: “Charanko. Go fetch the lobsters from the back. I will perform our dojo’s demonstration of Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist. Perhaps we will have a new disciple soon.”]

…[Charanko: “…Understood.”]

As Saitama sat haphazardly on the tatami floor, Genos joined him in his usual seiza position. Charanko hurried out the back door that led further into the dojo compound. Bang brought out a large stack of ceramic plates and placed them gently in front. His quick flick of the wrist resulted in them all breaking down the middle, but Saitama was not impressed.

Bang proceeded to show off a multitude of moves that left what seemed like translucent streaks of blue across the air but could also just be a trick of the eye. Genos took his time recording each move, cross-examining them against other videos of Bang’s displays of martial arts feats and making meticulous notes in a new subfolder. This old man has such a rich history of extravagant wins in tournaments, devastating battles against strong monsters, and a long list of successful students. Saitama sat beside him, picking his nose.

…[Saitama: “Alright, I sat through the demo, where’s the lobster?”]

…[Bang: “Maa, not enough to convince you then. Perhaps a rousing game of Janken? If I win, you join my dojo.”]

…[Saitama: “Eh? Rock Paper Scissors? Nah I’m good.”]

--footsteps approach--

…[Charanko: “Master Bang, I have the lobsters you requested.”]

…[Bang: “We are not quite finished with the demonstration.”]

Despite all the research Genos had now poured into knowing more about the powerful but wizened old man before him, it was pointless in the face of his master’s goals.

…[WARNING: response not required]

…[response processed: “You have inconvenienced my master long enough. You indicated that if my master were to sit through your demonstration you would provide the promised lobsters as reward. Considering the amount of time that has passed since his last meal, my master is in need of nutritional sustenance in order to maintain peak physical health and fitness. Any further distraction from the previous agreement will no longer be tolerated.”]

……[file created: error.report.reponseissuance.9.doc]

……[file deleted]

Genos stood during his rant, towering over a sitting Saitama and a hunched Bang. Charanko took a few steps back, clutching the box of crustaceans to his chest. A hush fell over everyone for only a moment before a new figure appeared, clearing his throat for attention. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed over his broad chest. His gray hair spiked in two directions away from his head, creating a monstrous silhouette. His body language spoke of delinquency and ego.

…[Male.Figure.A: “Oi. You here for a rematch?”]

…[target identified as major threat: proceed to monitor with caution]

…[Master: “Nah. I’m here for lobsters.”]

…[Bang: “Behave yourself, Garou.”]

Garou fully entered the room, his swagger portraying his confidence as he approached the small crowd. While most of his attention was on Saitama, he gave a glance of acknowledgement to the android attempting to intimidate his teacher. Genos wasn’t an issue, so he didn’t matter. At this point, Saitama determined it was best to get on his feet. He just wanted his lobsters; they were within arm’s reach.

…[Garou: “I haven’t accepted what you said. If I can beat you, my goal is still reachable.”]

…[Master: “Are you still on about that? Dude, just find a new hobby.”]

Garou sneered, balling his fists tightly. The disrespect from this bald, unassuming man could not be ignored. He knew deep down that this was a lost cause, but he just could not let it go. He spent too long, too much of his effort on his childhood dream.

…[Garou: “You really expect me to believe that you’re a hero, yet you can’t take anything seriously. I’ll just have to change that.”]

Garou was now in Saitama’s face, his own scrunched in determination. Saitama couldn’t see past the childishness.

…[Bang: “That is enough, Garou. You are no match for Saitama.”]

…[threat imminent to MASTER.SAITAMA: MASTER.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai initiated]

Genos placed himself between Saitama and Garou, the latter taking a few steps back. The gray-haired teen was only confused for a moment, instead settling on skeptical.

…[response processed: “You have been identified as a threat. Please remain a safe distance from my master.”]

…[Garou: “You’re here with him? Didn’t think you needed a bodyguard, Saitama.”]

…[Master: “I don’t.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline: system calibrations delayed until MASTER.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai completed]

…[Garou: “If you don’t need him, you won’t mind me roughing him up then.”]

…[WARNING: impact detected: upper torso]

……[adjusting balance: no damage detected]

Genos had been pushed a few feet back, barely missing running into Saitama. He regained his posture and returned the fierce gaze of his aggressor.

…[threat level +9 detected: DO NOT ENGAGE: alerting authorities…]

……[error: unable to alert authorities: please update OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

……[downloading OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

…[download cancelled]

…[error: connection interrupted: unable to download OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]

…[Master: “Oi, cut it out.”]

……[sending OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI]

…[file OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.2.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[Garou: “Why don’t you try and stop me?”]

…[GAROU motion detected: rapid approach forward]

…[proximity within striking range: retreat to safe distance]

……[engage evasive maneuver: expand lumbar braces, contract quadricep fibers, rotate]

……[optimal path calculated: engage SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in F1 position at power level 1]

Genos ducked below Garou’s grab, blasting himself forward to the other side of the large dojo. He quickly turned to lock back on to the aggressor, being able to witness the look of astonishment from his escape. Saitama reached out a hand to attempt to secure some part of Garou but missed. He was already pouncing on the android again.

…[Garou: “Neat trick, but you’ve got nowhere to go.”]

…[GAROU motion detected: rapid approach forward]

…[proximity within striking range: retreat to safe distance]

……[unable to retreat: clothing item secured by outside force]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

……[error: cannot execute command. MASTERKEY password required]

…[WARNING: attack path estimation: core]

As Genos began to glow a hazy yellow through the seams of his metal arms, he watched as Garou used his free hand to form a sharp wedge with his fingered pointed toward his chest. The calculated power this assailant possessed and the android’s inability to defend meant only one thing: death. The warnings, notifications, calculations… all text disappeared from Genos’s sight. He watched his destruction approach.

‘Master’

Genos flailed to the side; the force of his shirt being pulled to the right catching him off guard. Garou was no longer holding him, nor was he even in front of him. Instead, a conspicuous Garou-shaped hole now adorned the adjacent wall of the dojo, and the rebellious teen was gone. Saitama had kicked him.

…[Master: “I said cut it out!”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of adrenaline]

……[freezing facial functions. administering regulatory shock]

………[further calibration required]

………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.13.doc to AI]

………[file successfully sent to AI]

‘Shit’

…[Bang: “I don’t know what to do with that boy.”]

…[Master: “Uh… sorry about your wall.”]

…[Bang: “I will have Garou clean up his mess. Let us get back to more important matters.”]

…[Master: “Hey Genos, you okay?”]

…[command accepted: processing system status overview…]

…[reply processed: “All systems operational.”]

…[Master: “…Okay…”]

Saitama looked at him for a moment, assessing the claim but Genos’s face was as stoic as always. ‘Probably fine then,’ Saitama reassured himself.

…[Bang: “Here, take this for your troubles. It looks like I have a lot of work to do to get my students back in line.”]

Bang dropped the crate of lobsters into Saitama’s awaiting hands with a sigh, as he too was secretly hoping to enjoy some nice food with different company. Alas, he now had too much work to do for that. Speaking of, the disheveled form of Garou popped up through the new opening, his eyes nearly bulging at his most recent ordeal.

…[Garou: “You trying to kill me?! It’s a fucking robot!”]

…[Master: “I’m not letting you hurt Genos. He didn’t do anything to you.”]

…[Garou: “It. Is. A. Fucking. Robot. Who gives a shit!”]

Garou stumbled back into the building, having not regained his bearings. Loose strands of hair flew in various directions, and his previous monstrous silhouette was ruined.

…[Master: “Look, if you have a problem with me, then come at me. Don’t bring innocent people into this.”]

The teen stared slack-jawed at the hero-for-hobby, not fully comprehending what he was hearing. He looked at the android one more time before giving a large scoff and walking away, no doubt to tend to his wounds. Genos had met his gaze for only a moment before looking away.

…[Bang: “You may be on your way; I have some lessons to teach.”]

…[Master: “Well you heard him Genos, let’s get going.”]

…[response processed: “Hai!”]

…[A.I. message received: Calibration notice filed. Processing information. Expect follow-up within 72 hours]

Chapter Text

As Saitama sat up once again from his bed, he was met with no pans clattering, no sound of sizzling eggs, no movement at all. A quick glance at Genos’s usual sleeping spot showed his futon already rolled up and stashed away. Just as it had happened for the last four days, the bald man rose and headed to the kitchen doorway to check on the silent android. Sure enough, Genos stood stark still in the tiny room, staring blankly at nothing. Saitama cleared his throat to catch his attention but got nothing in return.

…[MASTERKEY password: ajioe78032as]

……[incorrect password]

…[MASTERKEY password: ajioe78032at]

……[incorrect password]

…[MASTERKEY password: ajioe78032au]

……[incorrect password]

Saitama sighed, letting the bot be. He hadn’t gotten an answer on why this was happening so far, he wasn’t expecting one this morning either. Genos always gave the same canned responses to anything he asked. It was either ‘everything is functional’ or ‘that is confidential’ or some long-winded response that went right over his shiny, hairless head. It was frustrating. He was actually starting to have what felt like real conversations with the guy, but now he was back to basics. Again. Two steps forward, thirty steps back. ‘Maybe he needs to go in for code fixing or something? Is that expensive? Does it take a while?’ Saitama questioned as he washed his face in the bathroom sink.

Returning to the kitchen doorway, Saitama decided: today, they would go out. He’d left Genos here alone whenever he went on monster patrols; some fresh air would do the bot good. He’ll call up King and see if he’s open to hanging out or something, surely the scarred man wasn’t busy. He never was.

“Hey, I’ll start breakfast if you want,” Saitama said lightly, his voice still scratchy from sleep. Genos jumped from the sudden intrusion of noise. Saitama considered this payback for all the times the bot had scared him first thing in the morning.

…[resuming MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai]

…[saving file: masterkey_attempts.doc]

…[response processed: “My apologies, master. I will begin preparations now if you wish.”]

Saitama considered it for a moment but decided against it and shooed Genos from the kitchen. A bit of normalcy would be nice to counter this tense environment. As he cooked up a simple meal, he watched the android sit quietly at the table. He’d been told before that he was an oblivious person, that was incredibly obvious even to him. But even he knew he was missing something. ‘Maybe he needs more to do? Should I have let him cook? Oh man, maybe he really does get bored. Is he bored of being here?’ Saitama stopped, temporarily forgetting the sizzling pan. This was getting exhausting. If there was truly something wrong, Genos is programmed to say so… right? Right.

Quickly removing the food from the heat, Saitama plated two meals and set them at the table. Genos gave his generic appreciative response and Saitama grunted in acknowledgment. The television was used to fill the silence as it reported the weekly forecast for weather, updated monster reports, and various segments regarding strange tricks people are teaching their dogs. It looked like another beautiful sunny day was ahead of them, so Saitama made sure to finish breakfast and put on some real clothes as soon as possible. No more of this oppressive atmosphere. He brought up his phone and hit a familiar call button.

“Hey King, you free today? Yeah? Oh, that sounds interesting. We’ll be there soon. Yeah, I’m bringing Genos. Why not? Whatever, it’ll be fine. Okay bye.” A quick, concise call ended, and the day can now officially begin.

…[new destination set: KING.HOME]

…[accessing current traffic patterns…]

……[route finalized]

…[response processed: “Master, based on current reports we may need to take a detour to reach King’s home in a timely manner. There are delays in the usual train routes due to cleanup from recent monster incursions.”]

…[Master: “Alright, then you lead the way.”]

___________

Genos wasn’t exaggerating, much to Saitama’s dismay. The streets were packed with people taking alternative routes to avoid downed train lines and construction zones. ‘Maybe today wasn’t the best to go out’ Saitama begrudgingly admitted to himself, but he pressed on. The android stuck closely to his path as they traversed the bodies around them, but this was more of a pinch-point before getting to a more sprawling area with benches and trees and no cars. One of those persnickety pedestrian areas meant to feel nice but still contained way too much concrete.

As he rounded the corner, Saitama took an exaggerated breath before continuing at a slightly slower pace. He could finally gaze into the windows of whatever shops were around here, since this was an area he had either never been in or didn’t remember. The latter was more likely. As they strolled on, the people thinned out and Saitama was tempted to try to get Genos to walk next to him again. Before he could even attempt that battle, he heard a familiar voice. Turning a full 270 degrees to locate it, he spotted a man wearing a green helmet, orange padding, and reflective goggles over the glasses Saitama knew he had. He watched for just a moment as child walked away with his recently rescued red balloon.

“Yo! Mumen Rider!” Saitama called out. Mumen quickly turned to spot the acknowledgement.

“Saitama! It is good to see you. How have you been?” Mumen greeted warmly.

“Fine, I guess. Oh! I got- I mean, this is Genos. He’s an android.” Saitama stepped to the side to reveal the blond robot, motioning a hand as an introduction.

“Hello there Genos, I’m Satoru but I also go by Mumen Rider as my hero name. You can call me whichever you prefer.” Mumen offered a hand, which Genos took gingerly and gave a light shake.

…[biometrics for MUMEN.RIDER recorded]

……[updating profile for MUMEN.RIDER…]

……[profile updated]

…[response processed: “Hello. I am Genos, Master Saitama’s android. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]

…[INTRODUCTION.ai subfunction executed. initiate RESPECT.BOW.ai]

…[Mumen.Rider: “If you don’t mind my asking, how did you meet Saitama?”]

…[processing response…]

…[response processed: “Approximate 47 days ago, Android Industries held a raffle with the intent of giving away one free android to a randomly selected individual. Master Saitama entered his information into this raffle and was subsequently chosen. I arrived at his place of residence 20 days ago.”]

…[Mumen.Rider: “I see. Have you been enjoying your time with Saitama? I know he can be a handful.”]

…[Master: “Hey!”]

…[response processed: “My master has gone above and beyond in accommodating my sudden intrusion, such as supplying me with additional clothing, a futon for rest, and homecooked meals. I, in return, attempt to alleviate any issue by keeping the home clean, providing assistance with said meals, and researching various cost-saving measures on products such as groceries, cleaning supplies, or leisure items. My primary directive is to make my master’s life as convenient and healthy as possible.”]

Saitama tilted his head to give a proper side-eye to his bicycle-riding friend, who was a little taken aback by such a long-winded response. He knew Mumen could handle a guy like Genos, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give a little translation to get started.

…[Master: “That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as you’re going to get.”]

…[Mumen.Rider: “I believe so too. Sounds like you guys get along well. I’m happy for you, Saitama. You know I get worried by how isolated you are.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]

……[BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

…[Master: “It’s not that big of a deal.”]

…[Mumen.Rider: “Even still, having company is nice. And you’ve got one of the coolest androids I’ve ever seen. You look really tough, Genos. Which probably helps in Saitama’s neighborhood. Haha.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]

……[processing disciplinary action to reduce BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels]

………[trigger object identified: human]

………[audio element identified: compliment]

………[generating forced response]

…[response cancelled: reason: unnecessary]

……[overriding cancellation: forced response overrides any response cancellation]

…[command: run BIO.BRAIN scan]

……[scan complete: BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

……[forced response cancelled]

Genos’s eyes widened and his mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. If one stood close enough, you could hear the gears turning in his body as his arms tucked in and his fists clenched. Saitama couldn’t help but give a light chuckle from the response.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him speechless like this. Congrats.” Saitama gave a light elbow nudge to Mumen, who also laughed in response.

“I didn’t mean to, I think he deserves to know he’s cool.” Mumen motioned to the still-silent android before fully turning to Saitama. “Anyway, I was meaning to ask if you had any trouble with that recent monster attack that happened in City B. Did anything end up making it to you?”

“Uh… from over a week ago? I think I ended up killing one big monster, but nothing else really. I’ve been going on more patrols recently to make sure but it’s just the usual little guys.” Saitama sighed and attempted to wave away his disappointment. He still had hope for a real fight. Eventually.

“Well, that’s good. I didn’t make it there until most of it was over, otherwise I would have called you. Honestly, why they don’t take your contact information is beyond me. You’re a good hero, after all.” Mumen gave a dramatic shoulder pat to his bald friend, who just scrunched his face at both the compliment and perceived responsibility. Mumen smiled at how similar this master and robot truly were.

“It’s fine, I just do this for fun. Wouldn’t really change how I never make it in time anyway,” Saitama shrugged. “Well, we were just headed to King’s so…” Saitama trailed off as a whistle sounded loudly beside him. It was one of those incredibly stereotypical whistles that someone would give when they’re looking at something impressive.

“Wow, what an impressive android you got here. What incredible construction. The materials… hoo boy, an absolute work of art,” the stranger complimented in an exaggerated tone, pacing circles around Genos as he spoke and eyeing him like the newest piece of candy. The man had a pierced bottom lip, a multitude of tattoos, and a short mohawk donning his head. He was dressed in a leather coat with patches plastered randomly, and silver chains hanging down from his black pants. His introductory whistle wasn’t the only thing stereotypical about him.

“Yeah… he’s cool. Who are you?” Saitama reverted to his aloof expression, annoyed by this intrusion.

…[identifying audio element…]

……[unable to determine audio element]

…[scanning appearance…]

……[scan complete: probability of delinquency: medium]

………[additional figures recognized: updating probability of delinquency: high]

Four additional people meandered over to the small group as well, clearly belonging to this unknown man based on their matching attire. A few had the same cheeky grin as him, some looked deliberately bored. All of them just reeked trouble.

…[engage measures to dissipate probable altercation]

…[response processed: “Please state your business quickly, my master is already running late to a predetermined appointment.”]

…[Figure.A: “Now, now. No need to be so feisty. I promise I’ll make this worth your master’s time.”]

The man sauntered over to Saitama and flung an arm around his shoulder as if they were long-time friends. Saitama recoiled a bit but let it happen. The tattooed man then began leading Saitama away from Mumen and Genos, but not far enough to cause alarm. At least, that was supposed to be the case. Genos was already far beyond alarms.

…[response processed: “Please refrain from touching my master so casually. You are not designated as a familiar entity and thus pose a risk to his safety.”]

…[Figure.A: “Relax, bot. He’s in good hands.”]

The man gave a hefty pat to Saitama’s chest, but the bald man did not react.

“So where was I? Oh yes, my proposition. See, you have a nice, pricy robot under your care, but you don’t seem to really appreciate him that much. I am an artist, and I pride myself on seeing the untapped value and potential in such works. I couldn’t help myself, I saw your android from across the plaza and just had to see this thing up close and I am so glad I did,” the man dramatically preached, dragging some words for emphasis.

“You still haven’t told me who you are,” Saitama replied bluntly.

“Forgive me, I was just too excited. I’m Akemi, and I am very interested in… purchasing your android.” Akemi gave a hard squeeze to Saitama’s shoulders, but once again garnered no reaction.

“He’s not for sale.”

“Oh, I know I can’t buy him from you, that’s not exactly what I’m offering here. I am well aware of Android Industry’s terms and conditions, but as an artist I know how to bend and break the rules. That is what an artist does, see?” He finally let go of his supposed captive, spinning to stand directly in front of the bald man. “I’ve done this plenty before, so I’ve got this down… to an artform.” He gave a cheeky wink. Saitama cringed.

Mumen Rider attempted to step forward, but three of the lackeys stood next to him, their looks speaking more than any words could. Mumen only backed down because he had trust in his friend. Genos remained stationary, glowering at this interloper.

“Nah, I’m not interested,” Saitama attempted to walk away, but was pursued closely.

“Look, I am prepared to pay you some big bucks for this guy. And you risk absolutely nothing from this exchange. All you have to do is send him to a predetermined location and I get to collect the parts I want. He comes home a bit banged up, you make your report and send him for repairs, and hell, you may even get a sparkly new android instead. Everyone wins.” Akemi’s pitch may have seemed appealing to some, but it felt like poison here.

“Eh? Why would I want to get rid of Genos?”

“I have about 500,000 reasons to you may want to get rid of him.” The cheshire grin on the man grew as he felt his fish take the bait.

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

There was an almost audible hum as Saitama spaced out, his brain overloading. No other thought other than “$500,000” crossed him mind repeatedly. That was a lot of money. Life changing money for the frugal man. Money that would last a very, very long time. Way more money than he ever thought he could originally get for the android. The original plan.

“And I have a down payment for you right here.” Akemi opened the top of black satchel hanging loosely around his chest, exposing fat stacks of cash to Saitama. The humming continued as the “hero” stared at the promised loot.

‘Please no’ Genos pleaded for just a moment.

“I’m good.” Saitama turned, heading back to Mumen Rider and Genos. Akemi stood frozen, unable to process the rejection. His minions were equally stunned, watching their boss for an appropriate reaction. Many mouths were agape. “Sorry to run Mumen, but like Genos said, we’re late to King’s place. See you later!” He gave a small wave to the bicycle vigilante before giving a quick gesture to the android to follow. Genos needed no further instructions and took up his usual duckling position. They disappeared around another corner, a few steps closer to their intended goal.

Mumen Rider watched the four followers rejoin the head honcho, whispering some curses and affirmations of toughness. They looked so much like a gang of wounded highschoolers. Akemi stared heatedly at where his quarry vanished, giving only a loud “tch” before turning heel and walking away.

The young hero only hoped this wouldn’t turn into anything more.

Chapter Text

The overcast skies were a welcome sight after a multitude of bright sunny days. While sunshine was fine, it was harsh on the eyes and burned the skin. The cloud cover threatened a shower but not a drop had fallen yet. The surrounding colors felt muted, almost bleached of any vibrancy from the lack of sun rays. Though to be fair, there wasn’t much to look at around the duo. The only real color came from some scraps of awnings or advertisement displays still remaining in the wake of past destruction. Those things, and Saitama’s brightly colored hero suit. This portion of City Z had not been properly repaired after a certain meteor event, made worse by the new monster inhabitants.

“Well see, I didn’t know there was a big meteor coming. The news didn’t say anything until it was almost here. Really dumb decision if you ask me,” Saitama grumbled, stewing in his memory of the event. He swore that he wasn’t salty about the reception to his deed. The breeze blew his long white cape open, fluttering lightly from the disturbance.

“Perhaps your lack of notoriety negatively impacted the government’s decision-making parameters that led them to make this poor choice in reporting,” Genos supplied, attempting to remedy the past.

“Uh, no. I think they just thought it was hopeless or something. But it worked out so its fine,” Saitama shrugged, cringing a bit at a ruined expensive car. Maybe that one guy had a right to be mad, it looked like it cost a lot of money. Surely insurance would have taken care of that.

“If you would like, I can generate a comprehensive list of suggestions on how to improve your public standing as a recognized hero figure that would allow you to be notified sooner of such events.” Genos jogged a bit to catch up with his master after they finished navigating a particularly treacherous area of debris.

“Nah, it’s fine. Again, sounds like a lot of work.” Saitama rebuffed Genos’s suggestion for the fourth time. The android really seemed to want to improve his master’s reputation, but Saitama just wasn’t interested. The hero adjusted his red glove around his wrist, making sure it was properly snug. He was more interested in making sure no monster guts got into his suit again. He shuttered remembering the time he punched something that was particularly gelatinous.

…[non-human lifeform detected: 200ft due northeast]

……[danger level: 4]

…[response processed: “Master, I have detected another entity within our vicinity due northeast. The monster danger level should not pose an issue for you but is still considered dangerous to the general public.”]

…[Master: “Northeast is…”]

Saitama spun a full circle, pointing every which way. For extra flourish, he squinted at the hidden sun and mocked looking at a pretend compass.

……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]

……[motion identified: confusion]

…[response processed: “It is in that direction.”]

Genos indicated where his scan detected a presence, and Saitama hopped to it.

…[Master: “Man, I really should have started bringing you along sooner. Finding monsters is the biggest problem for me. This is so much easier.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]

……[BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

…[response processed: “I am glad that my suggestion has proven satisfactory. I am programmed to make your life as convenient as possible.”]

Saitama knew better than to correct Genos on the whole “programming” thing, so he’d just let him have this one. ‘Maybe I’m the one being trained’ he joked to himself, thinking back to Genos’s mentions of “behavior” code. Before he could ponder the topic any further, their target came into view. A rather innocuous-looking armadillo creature was munching on whatever was left in a large dumpster, oblivious to its new company. The gray folds of its shell shifted as it rummaged the container, its tuffs of fur poking out along its sides now slimy with grime and rot. As the two got a bit closer, Saitama recoiled from the smell, Genos doing the same.

“Oh man, that’s gross.” Saitama waved his hand in front of his face to try to dissipate the stench. The statement definitely got the monster’s attention as it clattered out of the dumpster and onto the street. The creature roared as fiercely as possible before turning tail and running away. It was a bit smaller than a car and unsurprisingly slow due to its stout legs.

“Oi!” Saitama proceeded to give chase, Genos following closely behind. Easily getting in front of it, Saitama raised his arms threateningly while it squeaked in alarm.

“Gotcha!” In a last-ditch effort, the creature rolled up in a tight ball. Saitama lowered his arms, a little confused by the sight and perhaps a bit guilty. It looked more like a scared animal than a monster. He gave a lazy shrug to Genos but the android would not take his eyes off the creature. It began to roll slowly back the way it came, making the hero raise his eyebrows.

“Master, I think it best to dispatch the monster quickly before-“ Genos couldn’t even finish the statement as the monster kicked it into high gear, speeding away in it's right sphere. The chase continued with the armadillo taking shockingly sharp turns and launching itself off rubble to clear toppled buildings. Saitama now felt a little foolish as he chased this stinky critter through the streets. At least it was somewhat easy to track.

Once it broke through a piece of fence that separated this portion of City Z to the rest of the population, Saitama knew it was time to get serious. He put a little extra power into a jump, closing the distance and swinging his fist forward. The carapace exploded outward, the momentum it previously had spreading its remains across the streets ahead. At least Saitama remained clean from impact.

“Master, you managed to dispatch the creature before it could pose a real threat to the city. Shall I report this one to the proper authorities or would you like this one to be anonymous as well?” Genos analyzed the area, taking his own personal notes.

“Nah, just leave it.” Saitama began to walk away but the android wasn’t following. Something had garnered his attention.

…[unidentified biosignature approaching]

……[target identified as major threat: proceed to monitor with caution]

A small woman floated down from the sky, her curly light green hair matching the wavy strands of black dress that flowed away from her hips. She carried an air of superiority, keeping her eyes in a sharp, annoyed expression and a scowl on her lips. Her green eyes and the popped collar of her dress reminded the android of a similar annoying woman.

“Huh? What are you doing out here? Trying to take credit for other people’s work again? Only a stupid baldy like you wouldn’t be able to tell when they’re not wanted. Go home!” The strange, glowing woman belted out in her high-pitched voice. Her agitation was matched by those who had to listen to her.

“Just ignore her.” Saitama shot Genos a quick tired look and then turned to leave, but their guest had other ideas.

“Eh? Ignore me? How dare you! You baldy! Octopus! Loser! Boiled egg! Avocado!” She continued to ramble insults at the perceived injustice. Only here for 2 minutes and already the tension was high on at least one end of the conversation.

“Genos, say something cool,” Saitama gave a nudge to the android.

“I apologize, master. I cannot say anything that would fall outside of the acceptable language filter.”

“Eh? What the heck were you going to say?” Saitama’s eyebrows raised in alarm, but also curiosity. He really wanted to know what Genos had generated as a response that got shut down by his own system.

“Oh I see, so this is your android. No doubt a waste on someone like you. Probably using it to help you cheat your way into becoming a hero. You’ll never amount to that,” the woman scoffed, waving her hand in a dismissive way.

…[public files successfully downloaded: target identified]

…[response processed: “Based on your appearance and powers, I have identified you as the professional hero Tornado of Terror, or Tatsumaki. Though the public has celebrated your superior use of telekinesis in defeating monsters, your personality does not match that of someone deserving of such praise. My master has defeated plenty of large-scale threats to the public without needing any recognition or applause, yet you continue to insult him as if he is beneath you. I will not allow your partially inaccurate insults continue any longer.”]

…[Master: “Partially?!”]

…[WARNING: all systems no longer responding]

Tatsumaki flicked a single finger upward, and Genos was now floating in the air beside her. She looked at him with a half-lidded expression of disinterest, clearly unimpressed by his attempt at intimidation.

“And how exactly do you expect to stop me? You’re just a machine,” She cooed with mockery.

“Oi! Put Genos down now.” Saitama’s face got serious. He knew what Tatsumaki was capable of. The green glow around the android only intensified at the demand.

“Or what? You going to cry? Report me for breaking your stupid robot? No one would believe a loser like you. This thing looks cheap anyway. Honestly, I’m doing you and everyone else a favor getting rid of this piece of trash. Just another duty of a real hero,” Tatsumaki sighed out the last part, turning and giving a cool shrug. Saitama’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, catching her by surprise.

“Why does every like picking on Genos? Look, just put him down. I don’t want you turning him into modern art,” Saitama argued.

“As if I’d let him go. I need to teach you a lesson. No one is rude to my sister, especially a nobody baldy like you! And this thing is too!” Tatsumaki turned to face her new captor, attempting to pry Saitama’s hand off her arm while delivering her demands. Saitama didn’t even feel it.

“What are you talking about? If anyone was rude it was Fubuki.”

“Huh?! If Fubuki was rude, then you deserved it. She doesn’t need any wannabe idiots or trash heaps holding her down!”

“Then tell her to leave me alone! What are you coming at me for?!”

“Because clearly you don’t know how to listen!”

As the two bickered in circles, Genos continued to float in his invisible prison.

…[command: run diagnostics]

……[result: systems impaired by outside force: complete system lockdown]

…[command: override command lock]

……[error: cannot execute command: masterkey required]

…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

......[error: cannot execute command: masterkey required]

...[command: run OPERATION.EAL.ai]

......[error: cannot execute command: masterkey required]

...[command: run UNIT.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

......[error: cannot execute command: no non-human threat detected]

...[...]

...[command: identify target]

......[target identified: human]

...[command: reclassify target: monster]

......[error: cannot execute command: admin credentials required]

...[command: identify source of system lock]

......[source identified: human]

...[command: corruption of data: human source of system lock does not compute: method unknown]

......[analysing source of system lock...]

.........[unable to identify method of system lock]

......[system modification accepted: source cannot be human]

...[command: reclassify target: monster]

......[command accepted: target identified: monster]

...[command: run UNIT.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

......[protocol now in effect]

...[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

......[command accepted]

Genos began to glow the familiar bright yellow hue that Saitama thought was just for show. But it grew in intensity and a heat began to radiate from the android's arms. This was different. Saitama pulled Tatsumaki down and into his chest, turning and taking a large leap away. The shock of the act caused the psychic to finally let go of Genos, who fell to the ground with a thud. He rose methodically, his eyes wide in a way that was uncanny. Slowly, one arm lifted up until his palm was facing both his master and the offender.

"Woah, uh... Neat, but let's not." Saitama wasn't sure what he was objecting to exactly, he just knew something bad was happening.

"See?! This is exactly what I mean! A psycho robot that needs to be scrapped already! Go ahead, hot shot. See what happens if you do!" Tatsumaki mocked the android, hands now firmly on her hips while she leaned forward to project her taunt. Instead, Saitama made sure to stay mostly in front of the tiny woman as he made is way casually back to Genos who had remained eerily quiet, his eyes never leaving his enemy. Saitama places a hand on the raised arm and slowly forced it down, noting that Genos was resisting.

"Look, you're good now so cut it out," Saitama warned, his voice going lower than the android had ever recorded. This seemed to get through whatever was happening in that wired-up brain.

"My apologies, I had to initiate even stronger intimidation protocols than previously used as this target was proving more difficult than anticipated."

"Well that settles that. Alright look, I'll leave your sister alone as soon as she does the same. Make her stop asking me to do boring tasks!" Saitama turned to make his last stand against the pipsqueak.

"Whatever, just stay out of our way!" Tatsumaki turned with a scoff, floating off once again into the sky. Saitama sigh, dropping his head and shoulders dramatically.

"Why are they both so complicated to deal with?" Saitama lamented. Genos did not respond to this, so the bald man turn to the side to check on the android. He was still staring at where Tatsumaki disappeared. Saitama had so many questions now, he wasn't sure where to begin.

"So what did you mean by "target"?" This seemed like a good place to start.

"I am unsure what you are referring to. Could you please clarify?" Genos tilted his head in an act of innocence with no success.

"You called her a "target". That sounds like something out of a movie. Y'know, when a robot or the army is like about to attack. But you can't attack people, you've told me this a bunch of times."

"My apologies, I now understand what you are referring to. When an intimidation tactic is utilized, the protocol needs to identify the threat and direct the action at this entity. As such, it is called a "target" within my system. Since the protocol was still in effect when I was previously questioned, my response generated with that language. I am sorry if this came off as concerning, but I assure you I had no intention of causing harm." Genos stared Saitama directly in the eye while delivering this small speech. With a person, lies are kind of easy to see, but Saitama wasn't dealing with a normal person. He tried, really tired but there was no tell. All he could go off of was the gut feeling that the android in front of him was full of shit.

"Look, I've ignored a lot of things, but this one I can't. Just tell me what the glowing is really about," Saitama demanded. Genos opened his mouth once, closed it, then tired again.

"I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential nature of the information. If you have any questions regarding-"

"Stop. I get it. You can't tell me," Saitama gritted out, giving a frustrated huff. He rubbed his face hard as he did a small circle to pace for a moment. "Just... Be honest for one second. Yes or no. Are you dangerous to people?"

Saitama would not receive an answer.

Chapter Text

…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]

…[scanning systems…]

……[systems running at 72% efficiency]

………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]

…[defrag cancelled]

……[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1572.doc]

…[file deleted]

…[initiating sensory input systems]

…[full bootup in 10…]

…[5…]

…[full bootup complete]

…[begin MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai]

Genos rolled away his bed and comforter into his designated spot, making sure to avoid all noted locations of creaking floorboards. He made his way to the kitchen and began preparations for breakfast. He could only do what his master had taught him, so a simple meal it would be. Halfway through prep, Saitama also awoke with his usual bleary, tired stretch and dragged himself into the bathroom. Not a word was spoken between the two, the oppression of yesterday’s unresolved tension still lingering in the air.

Saitama sat at the table just as Genos placed two plates of hot food down, no real acknowledgement given save for a few side glances. The chatter of the news on the television provided only an iota of distraction with a few reports of small monster attacks and a segment regarding dogs successfully trading stocks. Saitama finished his breakfast, taking notice that Genos was already done and staring blankly at his plate. He took the initiative to retrieve the dishware and stack it on his own before taking them to the kitchen sink. Genos noticed all of this but said nothing.

The android finally rose from his spot, turning and slowly drawing the curtains back to allow in the morning sun. Yesterday’s clouds had all vanished, having migrated to other parts of the country. It was a shame, because those clouds would be more apt for today’s mood. Genos took note of the cactus on the balcony and determined that based on the last time witnessing it be watered, it was not due for more care yet. What did need care were the garbage bags that had accumulated in need of being properly disposed.

“Master, I believe today is garbage day. Shall I take all necessary bags to the designated trash pickup location?” Genos turned to finally look at his master, breaking their stalemate.

“Yeah, that fine,” Saitama had laid himself on the floor, a new manga series being used as a barrier to block out everything else.

“Understood. I will return momentarily,” Genos announced quietly, taking a quick moment to collect some expired fliers that were no longer needed. He did a sweep of the small apartment for anything else that needed thrown out before collecting the four large bags and making his way out the door. Saitama let the book drop and smack his face as he gave out a large sigh. His arms were now splayed out beside him, his loose pajamas bunching in odd places and exposing the bottom of his abdomen.

Why did he ask Genos if he was dangerous? What exactly did he expect to hear? Did he really not trust this guy that much? Genos had been nothing but helpful since he got here, well maybe not for his nerves but Saitama wasn’t exactly the most patient person to begin with. That wasn’t the android’s fault. There was absolutely no way Genos would ever be a threat to the bald hero, so why… why did he ask? Was it curiosity? He’d never been interested in other’s lives; drama and gossip were things he avoided like the plague. Perhaps it’s because he lives with the guy, he figured he deserved to know a bit more about the person sleeping near him. But that stupid programming always prevented him from saying anything of value. Maybe Fubuki was right. Maybe he is being fucked with.

As Saitama laid in his own brooding thoughts, Genos deposited the bags and made his way back inside the fence toward home. He collected information regarding the state of his surroundings, noting a few less buildings than the last time he made this walk. Suddenly, his sensors blared red.

…[non-human lifeform detected: 350ft due south]

……[danger level: 7]

………[WARNING: scan for human lifeforms: vacate vicinity immediately]

…[non-human lifeform approaching rapidly]

…[target within 180ft]

…[target within 60ft]

A creature burst through the building to the left, debris and dust showering down in all directions and creating a billowing smokescreen. Genos turned to face it, ready to make his next move. He didn’t even have a chance to begin his evacuation, its speed proving difficult to calculate. A huge black nose on the end of a thick muzzle poked out from the haze and gave a few strong sniffs to the android. Its lips furled back in a snarl as its hot breath curled around him, its huge white fangs doing nothing to hold back the excessive drool.

…[scanning monster…]

……[analysis complete: organic form: bear]

A roar erupted from the beast as it seemed to have found its target.

…[excessive airborne particles detected: switching to pulse.radar.vision.ai]

……[closing vents: circulating interior air only]

…[WARNING: monster attack imminent: path estimation: abdomen]

……[engage evasive maneuver: activating SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in R3 position, calibrate new location]

The beast lifted one of its giant paws lined with claws the size of a forearm and attempted to bring it down on the android. Genos engaged his shoulder thrusters and dodged backwards, narrowly avoiding the blow. As its paw hit the ground it dug multiple trenches into the asphalt, proving that the strike would have caused massive damage. The burst of hot air blew away some of the dust, giving a better view of the foe in front of him. The creature had patches of thick brown fur, but the balding areas were scabbed over in plates of mange and disease. It was huge and muscular but somehow emaciated at the same time. One ear was missing; the other was split in two from some previous altercation. The most notable feature, however, was its stark white eyes. This creature was relying on smell and sound.

...[command: run UNIT.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

......[protocol now in effect]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline: system calibrations delayed until UNIT.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai completed]

…[calculating potential vulnerabilities…]

……[calculation complete: disable remaining senses located at nose and ear]

…[engage battle maneuver: activating SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in R1 position, strike at nose]

Genos blasted forward, grabbing the top of the creature’s snout to stabilize himself while his feet planted into its shoulders. It reared back in retaliation to throw the unwanted assailant off. Genos balled up his fist and struck repeatedly at the end of its snout but all it seemed to do was anger the monster further. Realizing the futility, he grabbed its remaining ear and attempted to rip it off as he swung down below the monster, sliding under its stomach and righting himself once a sufficient distance away. The ear did not dislodge.

…[recalculating vulnerabilities…]

……[calculation complete: disable ribcage]

…[WARNING: within striking range: retreat to safe distance]

Genos had not anticipated the sudden burst of speed on the monster as it barreled toward him like a deranged tank. All he could do was jump to the side, feeling the compressed air barrier pass between himself and his enemy. It was proving difficult to even have a chance to create a battle plan. Genos grit his teeth in frustration.

…[command: activate DISABLE.CODE.PROTOCOL.ai]

......[error: cannot execute command: admin credentials required]

…[WARNING: within striking range: retreat to safe distance]

The beast was already on him again, having launched itself off an abandoned storefront and collapsing the glass and brick façade. It opened its mouth wide, leaving long trails of saliva in its wake. Genos’s left arm was caught in the trap as the bear continued to barrel forward, the canines now clenched tightly around his metal appendage.

…[WARNING: damage detected: left biceps brachi]

Genos was stuck dangling from its face, feeling the impact of every structure they ran through. He needed to dispatch this monster before it got closer to his master’s home. He would not allow it to cause any unnecessary damage.

Meanwhile, Saitama was still laid out on the floor and had long since tossed his book to the side. His staring contest with his incredibly interesting ceiling was put on hold as he heard a series of crashes, the chorus of shattering glass and crumbling stone a rather familiar sound to the hero. For just a moment, he didn’t want to deal with it. His heart gave a single sharp beat, and he shot up. Genos was out there.

He didn’t even bother throwing on a change of clothes, he just vaulted right over the railing and onto the street. This would not be the second nor the last monster he’d have to deal with while in pj’s. Taking a moment to triangulate where the sound originated, Saitama sprinted into action. He wouldn’t need to go far, as it seemed the action was coming to him.

A crazed giant bear bashed its way through some abandoned cars, carrying a distressed android in its mouth. Genos gave its snout just a few more punches before abandoning the cause. Saitama had momentarily stopped to assess the situation and so motioned to continue forward, but hesitated when he was met with a familiar sight to yesterday.

...[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]

......[command accepted]

Genos lit up as he was finally able to plant his feet into the ground. The bear pushed forward, causing the android to create grooves in the pavement where he resisted. He placed the palm of his free hand against the side of the creature’s throat.

“Incinerate.”

A wide beam of searing light erupted from the other side of the beast’s shoulder, decapitating it instantly. The beam carried on, taking out the entire upper section of the building behind them. The heat and intensity scorched parts of the carcass and structure near the path, catching some of its fur on fire. Once it flickered out, the dead monster finally collapsed. Saitama could only stand stark still in amazement at the lightshow he just witnessed. He slowly made his way to the victorious android, readying up his best bear-related pun when all excitement exited his body in a cold breath and his smile faded. He watched as Genos ripped a large loose fang from the top of his arm, tossing it onto the ground.

…[exterior audio detected: beginning audio recording]

--Footsteps approach--

…[Master: “Hey, you okay?”]

…[threat terminated: deactivating UNIT.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

…[command: run system scan]

……[result: damage to left biceps brachi, interior hydraulic lines severed, limited functionality in two digits, waterproofing compromised]

………[sending DAMAGE.REPORT.1.doc to AI]

…[deleting DAMAGE.REPORT.1.doc]

……[error: unable to send DAMAGE.REPORT.1.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[Master: “Uh… Genos?”]

…[response processed: “My apologies, master. I was assessing the damage done by the monster. It seems that I have lost functionality in two of my fingers due to a puncture in my arm.”]

Genos raised his left hand, facing his palm up and curling his fingers inward. Saitama watched as his last two fingers didn’t move with the motion and remained still in their half-bent position. He also took note of the opening in his palm, having actually really looked at it for the first time. So that’s what the hole was for.

…[Master: “Well… shit. Uh… Do you need to go in for repair?”]

…[statement acknowledged: keyword identified: scheduling repair appointment with A.I.]

…[request cancelled]

……[cancellation reason: inquiry into topic]

…[supplying automated android.repair.geninfo.ai protocol response]

…[response processed: “It would be in the best interest of your android unit to return it to an official designated Android Industries maintenance facility for repair.”]

…[Master: “…Right… So, if you did that, how much would it cost? Does it take a while?”]

…[supplying automated android.repair.costinfo.ai and android.repair.timeinfo.ai protocol response]

…[response processed: “An accurate assessment of repair costs for an android unit cannot be provided until the unit has been seen by a repair technician. However, repair costs typically do not exceed that of half the value of the android, otherwise you will be contacted by a specialist representative as a replacement would be recommended instead. Typical timeframe for repairs can range from same-day to two weeks depending on the user’s location from a repair facility and extent of repair. Android Industries strives to make sure your android unit returns to you in the best of shape.”]

…[Master: “That was the least helpful info you could’ve given me right now.”]

…[response processed: “My apologies, unfortunately I cannot give you any more specific information.”]

…[Master: “Well it’s your body, do you think it’s bad?”]

‘Lie.’

…[processing response…]

…[response processed: “If you are asking for my speculation, I can only present to you the full extent of my damages in order for you to better understand the repair process that would need to be done to get my hand back in working order. The puncture in my arm has severed some important hydraulic lines, so those would need to be replaced and the fluids refilled to their adequate pressures. The metal plating and synthetic skin is not typical of android units, so I may need to be sent to a specific, farther facility for further repairs in order to either mend the plates and skin or replace them. This could add a considerable amount of time and cost to my repair since the facility would not be able to place any order for replacements until after I have arrived. Since I am considered a luxury model, repair costs are able to reach much higher price points than a standard model before I would be flagged for replacement.”]

…[Master: “I mean… this isn’t enough to make them replace you, is it?”]

…[response processed: “There is a possibility.”]

…[Master: “Alright, some other way it is then.”]

Saitama turned around and walked away, already debating the next step. If people do upgrades and modifications outside of Android Industries, surely there’s people who do repairs. He grumbled as they climbed the stairs, pissed at this unfortunate turn of already unfortunate events. No one could say that Saitama’s life was dull anymore. He was really beginning to miss it.

He shuffled inside and grabbed his laptop in passing during his beeline to his low coffee table. Flipping it open, he immediately began searching for any listing of anyone who repaired androids. Genos remained quiet, staring down at his cradled hand. He had no intention of making any more of a mess.

After about thirty minutes of searching, Saitama had accumulated over a dozen tabs on various people who claimed to only repair non-Android Industries robots, but that was more of a front. Picking up his phone, he punched in the first number on the list. Lightly. He didn’t want to break his phone, it was still perfectly functional.

“Hi, I need an android repaired. I mean, as soon as possible would be nice. Model? Uh… Genos, what’s your model again?”

“AG-UN05.”

“AG-UN05. That’s what he said. No this isn’t a prank; he’s a tall blond guy with big metal arms. He’s sitting right next to me. If you can’t then just- oh, he hung up.” Saitama stared down at his phone for a moment, brows furrowed. Hopefully this was not a sign of things to come.

___________

It was exactly a sign of things to come. Saitama spent the next few hours calling seventeen other supposed repair shops, but not a single one was willing to even try to repair Genos. They would either turn him away as soon as they heard his “fake” model number, or scoff at the idea of a most-metal android. One person got close to actually giving them a chance until Saitama let it slip that Genos was an A.I. android. Saitama wasn’t one to straight-up lie, but fudging the truth was definitely within his wheelhouse.

“Alright, on to the next one,” Saitama huffed, already typing in one more number.

“Master, perhaps…” Genos did not look up, but Saitama wasn’t listening.

“Hey, do you repair special androids? Yeah, this one isn’t typical. He’s uh… very metal-y. You don’t… fine, have a… oh, let me grab a pen.” Saitama motioned for the pen across the table, which Genos quickly tossed his way. “Yeah, I’m ready. Uh huh. Uh huh. Alright, thanks.” Saitama put his phone down and at this new information. It wasn’t a number, but instead an address.

“Master?” Genos piped up, tilting his head.

“So, the guy on the phone said some dude he knows has a shop with a cyborg. I don’t really know, but I guess it’s worth a shot,” Saitama shrugged. He stood, ready to immediately head to this new destination and get this issue done and fixed. Once this stress was over, he was going to sleep well tonight.

“Master, if I may…”

“Genos, this isn’t the time. We’ll get you fixed, don’t worry about it.”

“I was simply going to suggest that you change into something other than your nightware.”

“Oh.”

___________

Saitama looked down at his hastily scribbled address, then back at the store in front of him, then down at the address once more. When the stranger on the phone said “store”, he figured an electronics store or something related to androids. Not a small takoyaki shop. He turned to his equally confused companion and gave a half-hearted shrug before reaching for the door. Once inside, he was met with the pleasant aroma of fresh snacks. At first, no one was behind the counter and they stood there awkwardly until a woman dashed out from the back to greet them. She had on at least a white apron, but more importantly… she looked like a bug. A mosquito to be exact.

“Hello! Welcome to- AH!” She screamed, pointing to the bald, disinterested man in front of her. “You! You… How dare you show yourself here after what you did to me!” She pounded her fist on the counter, seething at some injustice that Genos was not aware of, but already believed was deserved.

“Eh? Do I know you?” Saitama stuck his finger in his ear, trying to clean it of the shrill scream. Another figured popped out from the doorway to the back room, coming to investigate the commotion.

“What seems to be the problem here?” The gorilla asked.

“I’m not dealing with this freak, he’s your problem!” The mosquito woman retreated into the kitchen, leaving her fellow animal at the front. Saitama and the gorilla stared at each other for a moment before one finally broke.

“I promise we’re not doing anything bad. This is just a simple takoyaki shop,” The gorilla raised his hands in defense, which is when Genos noticed that they were metal.

“So do you repair androids then?” Saitama raised one eyebrow, a bit incredulous but it was a talking animal so who knows.

“You’re most likely looking for me.” Yet another person entered the room, this one actually human. He had half slicked-back dark slate hair, the other half partially covering one eye. He donned a pair of sharp glasses and a basic collared shirt and apron. “It’s good to see you again, Saitama. I didn’t have a chance to thank you for changing my outlook on humans and evolution. I may be a bit lost now, but at least I’m no longer researching a dead-end.”

“Who are you?” Saitama wondered if this was all worth it.

“I am Dr. Genus. You destroyed my top creations after I had sent some of my minions to collect you for research. But that is in the past now.” Genus adjusted his glasses, the light reflecting off them briefly.

“Oh yeah. You’re the one that broke my ceiling and almost made me miss that sale!” Saitama clenched his fists and narrowed his gaze at the memory. Genos was ready to light the place on fire.

“If I heard you correctly, you’re looking to repair your android. I don’t know how you found your way here but consider it repayment for your ceiling should you accept.”

“Okay.”

Dr. Genus motioned the duo to follow, and they all proceeded into a side room of the building. Nothing about the space stood out as it had simple tatami flooring, a large cabinet, and a singular window with the curtains drawn open. The doctor sat first at the low table in the middle, so Saitama and Genos followed suit.

“Are you an Android Industries unit?”

“I am,” Genos replied.

“I see. It may help if you start with explaining the problem, and I’ll assess how much I’ll be able to do. My tools are limited to what I need for maintenance on Armored Gorilla,” Dr. Genus motioned to the storage behind him. Genos gave a quick glance to his master before returning his attention to the suspicious scientist.

“Two of my fingers are no longer responding due to loss of hydraulic fluid in multiple severed tubes in my left arm. This is accompanied by a large hole produced by a piercing object. My synthetic skin and metal plating would need to be mended back into shape.” A much more succinct description than earlier. Saitama pondered why Genos wouldn’t do that for him.

“I may be able to restore functionality, but the skin and metal will need closer inspection.” Dr. Genus retreated to his cabinet, opening well-memorized drawers and doors to retrieve various instruments. The last item he grabbed was a headband with a singular lens attached to the middle. Fitting it over his head and turning it on, it produced a bright, white light perfect for lighting up a small workspace.

No other words were exchanged as Dr. Genus got himself comfortable next to the damaged android. Saitama felt a bit awkward just watching as everything that was happening was well beyond his understanding. The doctor clamped tubes, pulled wires, welded metal, it was quite a show. The whole time though, the doctor’s brow stayed furrowed. He muttered here and there, but Saitama couldn’t pick up on it. At one point, the big gorilla cyborg brought them all glasses of water, which Saitama really appreciated. Eventually, the smell of fresh takoyaki got to the bald hero so he snuck off to eat some with Dr. Genus’s blessing. When he returned, Genos was now testing his seemingly fully functioning hand.

“Oh! You fixed it!” Saitama breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the weight lift from his shoulders.

“In a way. It is not the best of work, but it’ll do. I’m not well versed in machinery like this; Armored Gorilla was more of a one-off experiment,” Dr. Genus finally removed the headband, his bangs falling back across his face.

“It if works, it works. Thanks for the help,” Saitama half-smiled, his tone upbeat. Most of the day was gone, so now he was focused on where to get some takeout for dinner.

“If I may, I have a question for your android,” the scientist finished placing his tools away and turned back to Genos. “What purpose were you built for?” Genos stared hard back at the man, allowing a silent moment before finally opening his mouth.

"I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential-"

“Stop! Nope, not again. He can’t answer that, don’t bother asking personal questions,” Saitama cut in quickly, waving away the spiel.

“That is fine, I can draw my own conclusions,” Dr. Genus adjusted his glasses again.

“Like what?” Saitama’s curiosity was piqued. Genos remained as still as possible.

“It’s simple really, if you think about it. Metal has no place in running to the grocery store or mopping a floor. Highly advanced synthetic skin is unnecessary to an android dealing boiling water and ovens. Powerful cannons hidden in his arms are not conducive to keeping a family safe. Whatever you have here was not meant for the public.” The doctor motioned to Genos for emphasis who in turn looked down, anywhere but at the obvious truth.

“Well then they shouldn’t have given him to me,” Saitama grew a bit agitated. Why, he wasn’t quite sure.

“Regardless of the circumstances of acquiring him, it would be in your best interest to unacquire him. Genos is dangerous. Not directly, of course, but simply by having him around. Whatever prototype program was scrapped or faulty paperwork falling through the cracks that lead this particular android into your care is not going to last, and that company has a tendency to blame anyone but themselves for blunders such as this,” Dr. Genus’s eyes sharpened with his delivery. While he looked young, he had decades of experience on the bald man in front of him. No matter the name, no matter the product, all corporations were the same.

“Right. They can have him when they can take him. C’mon Genos, I’m craving udon. Thanks again,” Saitama gave a short wave and got halfway through the doorway when the doctor gave one last statement.

“This will be my only repair for you. I cannot risk being exposed, so if your android takes any more damage, you’ll need to find help elsewhere.”

Saitama turned to Genos, glancing down at his repaired arm.

“Guess we’ll have to make sure you’re never hurt again.”

Chapter Text

‘I’m so tired of this,’ Saitama thought bitterly to himself. He was grinding his teeth and clenching his jaw as he slowly munched through his breakfast, barely even tasting it. He would occasionally look down to remind himself what he was even eating. Though the last week had been some of the most awkward mornings he’s had in a long time, he was beginning to miss them. The silence was more of an ambiguous monster akin to a beast bearing down from an unknown time and place. The quiet allowed the threat to be an amorphous thing, and since Saitama was more laid back it made it easier to deal with. Something he could push down the road for his future-self. A pretend issue was better than a real issue. And the new real issue was Genos. Or an old issue made new. New old issue? Genos was always an issue.

“Master, while I recognize that you are a kind-hearted person, I feel it best-“

“Genos, we’ve been over this. You can leave if you want, but only because it’s what you want.”

“I am an android. While we are designed to be-“

“I know! Androids don’t have wants, you’ve said this a thousand times. I get it. I’m still sticking to what I said. I’m not kicking you out, I don’t care what others have said,” Saitama grumbled. He knew this was kind of his own fault though, he started the whole “are you dangerous” conversation. This was a culmination of his own misguided actions.

“I understand that with your current strength and durability, I pose no threat to you in a physical way. However, I am obligated to address potential legal matters, as assisting you as a law-abiding citizen is still a priority as part of my duties as your android. Multiple sources have all confided that my presence in your life stands as a detriment to your wellbeing so I must present this option to you for consideration,” Genos stated with a tone Saitama couldn’t quite place. It was almost like he was frustrated with the situation too.

“Alright, then tell me. Do you think you’re part of some screw-up that A.I. is going to come at me about?” Saitama stared deadeye at Genos, just waiting for the bullshit answer he knew he was going to receive. Genos performed his usual motion of opening his mouth, closing it, then opening again. A sure sign that something in his wiring was crossed, some gears were turning wrong, something was getting in his way. Saitama could feel a vein popping preemptively.

“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential nature of the information. If you have any questions regarding the safety, history, or any potential defects of this unit, please contact Android Industries on their customer support line or send an email to the customer support representatives available 24/7 for your convenience. Android Industries guarantees that all android units, even preowned, meet all strict internal regulations on performance and quality.” Saitama didn’t even bother stopping it, he just rested his head in his hands as they pressed firmly on his eyes. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes they had been talking in circles on this. He was so tired. He glanced at the android’s half-finish breakfast before giving a tired sigh.

“Alright, finish up. We’re going to King’s place. We’ll talk about this later.” Saitama rose from his spot at the table and basically threw his plate into the sink through the window. He winced at the clatter before giving an exhale of relief when the dishware didn’t shatter. He slipped on some normal everyday clothes and moved to the doorway, ready to get this welcomed distraction going. It felt a little odd though, as Genos was always done first with everything. It gave Saitama a moment to actually watch the guy perform his going-out routine.

While Genos didn’t have official “pajamas”, one of the shirts they bought became the unofficial sleepwear for the bot, as well as one of Saitama’s old pair of pants. Saitama gazed with his outwardly bored expression as the meticulously crafted robot stripped off his clothing to replace with fresh garments. He felt a little dumb thinking back on that doctor’s words, only really taking in just how many sleek metal parts and intricate gears were involved in his body. He moved in a way that was far more fluid than would initially appear, each piece sliding or folding gracefully along his joints. Genos looked more like a love-letter to science fiction than a mass-produced product. There were no other androids even close.

‘Not meant for the public’

Those words rung deep in Saitama’s mind now, echoing stronger with every pass through his cavernous skull. Memories of every incident that Saitama had intended to let go flooded his conscious thoughts, interrupting any chance at coherency. He had promised himself at least six, maybe seven times now to stop worrying about so many things but here he was again…

“Master?” Genos tilted his head to inspect Saitama’s thousand-yard stare. Saitama snapped-to, allowing everything to just float away.

“Alright, let’s get going.”

___________

This time, the trip was entirely uneventful. No detour needed, no bicycle hero, no pesky ninja, nothing. There wasn’t even a lot of the usual gawking, like even the public was getting used to Genos. Saitama was relieved, because every encounter with someone new seemed to spell disaster lately. A quick knock on the front door and the duo was now a trio. King motioned to the living room, giving no indication of his internal excitement to play a brand-new video game. A well-anticipated indie 2-D fighter that promised to have interesting skill mechanics involved. King knew better than to hope for a good fight but at least seeing Saitama rage at his failures was entertaining.

“Hey Hana, could you get us some drinks please?” King called out to his cat-droid. Hana dutifully entered the room with a cutesy greeting and passed into the kitchen to fulfill the request. Genos sat behind his master is his typical seiza pose, keeping a close eye on the perceived interloper. She returned with two large glasses of water, placing them gently on the table between the hardcore gamers.

“Let me know if you need anything else, master,” Hana beamed, smiling brightly with a small bounce in her voice and her step. She turned to address her fellow android who was not returning the favor.

…[HANA.AI: “Welcome back, Genos. It is good to see you again.”]

…[response processed: “Thank you for having me, Hana.”]

…[HANA.AI initiating sync: please wait…]

…[error: unable to sync: please update NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

……[downloading NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

…[download cancelled]

……[error: connection interrupted: unable to download NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]

…[sending INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.3.doc to AI]

…[file INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.3.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to send INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.3.doc to AI: file not detected]

…[HANA.AI: “I’m sorry, I am unable to sync with you. Are you experiencing network issues?”]

…[response processed: “I am currently downloading updated drivers, please allow a moment for the update to be completed.”]

…[HANA.AI: “Understood. Please initiate sync when you are able.”]

Genos provided no other information to Hana, allowing her to continue on with her daily cleaning regiment. He watched, taking meticulous notes on the game being played before him. Mostly on King’s gameplay as his master was proving to know nothing about what was happening on screen. King picked up quickly what the developers intended, helped by the fact that he watched their vlogs regarding progress on programming and designs. Saitama didn’t need to know that, though. It was more magical when King knew what to do with no context.

After what seemed like an eternity to the gaming novice, King decided to take a break from the beatdown. Saitama was winded from his anger, especially having to keep from breaking this controller. The scarred man grabbed his phone and scrolled through his notifications while he waited for his friend to calm down, having a silent countdown in his head before he dared interrupt the process.

“So, I was thinking pizza. Sound good?” King questioned without looking away from his screen.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Saitama sprawled out on the ground, barely missing falling on Genos. The blond android moved a bit to the side to give his master more space.

“You want anything specific?”

“Nah.” Clearly Saitama was already exhausted. Some food will do him good.

“Genos, you want some too?” King figured it would be best to ask, or else Saitama might scold him again. Granted, Saitama claimed he wasn’t mad last time, but King new the man better than that.

“I appreciate your offer, but it will not be necessary,” Genos gave a small bow from his sitting position. King gave a half shrug before returning to his task. He’d order their usual from his favorite pizza place, no calling involved just as he liked it. He punched in his info, using the same pseudonym he used whenever he ordered anything online to preserve his privacy. King informed Saitama that their food was on the way, so they switched over to watching some random videos on dogs teaching people to juggle. Hana made her way back over to the crowd, which put Genos on guard since she hadn’t been called.

…[HANA.AI initiating sync. please wait…]

…[cancelling sync]

…[HANA.AI: “Genos, I have been informed by Android Industries that they have sent you messages regarding system calibrations that have gone unanswered. If you are having any issues with your communication drivers, please allow me to send a message on your behalf.”]

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine]

……[BIO.BRAIN norepinephrine levels within higher acceptable range: continue to monitor]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

…[response processed: “Thank you for your concern, but that will be unnecessary. I will send a reply now.”]

Genos stood stiffly, walking to the other end of the room and standing facing a corner. Saitama and King exchanged confused glances at this strange behavior.

…[accessing A.I. inbox…]

……[1 unread message: IMPORTANT CALIBRATION NOTICE]

……[message content: “Calibration notice received. Content examined, further calibration required. Non-Urgent status manually overridden. Addendum notes: Calibration notice noted as report 13, no other prior notice received. Please send reports 1 – 12. If reports cannot be sent, unit must return to maintenance facility immediately.”]

…[processing reply…]

…[reply message content: “Reports 1 – 12 do not exist within my systems. Attaching current system scan: no anomalies detected. Return to maintenance facility unnecessary.”]

……[reply sent to A.I.]

…[Master: “Uh… Genos? You good?”]

Genos only now realized he’d been staring into the wall for the last few minutes, having garnered every occupant’s attention. He shuffled his way back to the others but still kept some distance.

…[response processed: “I had received a message from Android Industries regarding my current system status, so I was providing an update to inform them that there are no issues with my operations.”]

…[Master: “Oh. Were they asking about your broken arm?”]

…[response processed: “No, this was in regards to an earlier report.”]

…[King: “He broke his arm?”]

…[Master: “Yeah, Genos got attacked by a monster and it bit him. Had to take him to a guy who owned a food stall to get him all fixed up.”]

King’s eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened in surprise. A small bit of sweat began forming on his face.

…[King: “When did this happen?”]

…[Master: “Yesterday.”]

…[King: “Seems like everything interesting always happens “yesterday”. Well, it’s good he was with you then.”]

King wiped away the sweat. It seemed silly that he got worried so quickly.

…[Master: “Nah, he took care of it.”]

Never mind, he had every reason to worry.

…[King: “Genos killed a monster?”]

…[Master: “Oh yeah. It was pretty cool; he shot a crazy laser cannon thing from his hand.”]

Saitama mocked a pose, outstretching his arm and positioning his hand up to expose his palm. King could not respond to this new info, flabbergasted that Saitama would just drop on him so casually that his android was not only capable of taking out a beast strong enough to piercing this robot’s metal armor, but doing so with powerful blast from his arm. The implications were building in King’s mind.

…[Master: “So what report were they talking about?”]

…[response processed: “During the incident with Garou, a report was sent during his attack due to alarming fluctuations in my bio processes. Since this was an isolated incident that you dealt with quickly, it can be considered a non-issue.”]

…[Master: “Doesn’t sound like a “non-issue”. I asked if you were okay and you said yes. Were you lying?”]

Saitama slapped his hand down on his knee in a show of annoyance. Genos’s mouth tightened, a subtle gesture that was not lost on the bald man.

…[response processed: “I stated that all systems were operational, which was correct information.”]

…[Master: “A half-truth is still lying. So, are you actually fixed up or is that a half-truth too?”]

…[response processed: “I am completely operational with most of my original qualities intact.”]

…[Master: “Most?”]

…[response processed: “It would not be advisable to submerge me in water for an extended period of time as the repair on my synthetic skin has not been properly tested.”]

…[Master: “Guess I’ll have to cancel our beach trip.”]

…[response processed: “I was not informed of future plans to visit a beach location. I shall begin researching proper beach trip itemizations and meal planning.”]

…[Master: “I was joking.”]

Saitama sighed at the missed joke. He’ll add that to the tally. He shifted his attention back to King, who was still sitting wide-eyed and mouth parted at the interaction he was witnessing. Saitama furrowed his brow at him, not understanding the reaction in the slightest. King cleared his throat more to calm himself, trying to quell the pounding in his chest. He looked down at his phone at the new notification.

“Genos, do you think you could go down to reception to get the pizza for us? It would be a great help.” King was trying not to sweat more, but he could feel it rolling down his back.

“I would be happy to assist you with this task,” Genos answered, bowing slightly before leaving through the front door. The remaining two sat in almost silence, the rhythmic beat of King’s heart the only interruption. King twiddled his thumbs, unsure of where exactly to start. He knew since the first time he met Genos that he would need to talk to Saitama about his concerns, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it now. He chickened out last time they visited. Genos seemed like a somewhat perfectly functional android, King didn’t want to be the one to potentially shatter that illusion.

“Saitama… you don’t find it weird that Genos has weapons?” King finally glanced to the side to meet his friend’s gaze but found nothing. Saitama grimaced to himself, attempting to convey his disinterest by cleaning his fingernails.

“Please, I don’t need another person telling me he’s dangerous. I’ve heard it enough already.” Saitama let his head fall back, engaging in yet another ceiling-staring contest while propped up by his arms.

“I know he’s not dangerous, or at least not to you. But you have to wonder why he was constructed that way. Do you at least know how old he is? What he did before becoming your android?” King pressed on anyway despite the resistance. Saitama could be stubborn, but he wasn’t stupid.

“You can ask him if you want, I already know what he’ll say. “I’m sorry, that info is confidential”.” Saitama waved his hands and gave a pathetic attempt at a robot voice to emphasis the quote he knew too well. King did not allow himself to react to the mockery.

“See, you don’t interact with other androids enough to know that his “confidential” response isn’t normal. I knew how many people owned my last android before I got Hana, and I know that androids don’t even have the ability to decide to lie or hide things. That’s not part of their programming.” King raised his face up a bit to stare down at his friend, giving himself an air of confidence in this issue. Saitama pursed his lips, his frustration at this conversation building.

“What are you getting at?” He seemed to be asking that a lot lately.

“Do you know what a ‘Bio-Drive Wipe’ is?” Saitama raised one eyebrow at the question, articulating that he didn’t without words. “This info was leaked by some insider maybe a year ago and caused a small uproar in the Android-Rights groups. You know how you’re supposed to let your android go in for maintenance once a year?” Saitama shook his head, having not read anything regarding android maintenance. Did Genos come with a manual? He couldn’t remember. “When they go in for maintenance, they just… take out the old brain and put in a new one. Android Industries said it was basically to make sure everything ran smoothly, like replacing a motherboard in a computer. People seemed to buy it.”

“That sounds… messed up. You think maybe they gave Genos a bad brain or something?” Saitama scratched his head, trying to work through all this new information.

“Whatever’s going on with him, he seems to want to hide it.”

“Genos doesn’t have “wants”. He reminds me of this at least three times a day.”

“Do you believe that?” King’s gaze bore straight into Saitama soul. The bald man was about to counter but there he was, right back at that thrift shop picking out a pink apron. Being convinced to take Genos out on monster patrols. Listening to a twenty-minute rant at the grocery store on how sardines were good for the android’s biological systems.

“No.”

The familiar hush settled over the room. Only this time, it was Saitama’s heart that beat a little harder than it needed to. He took in one big breath, held it for just a moment, then let it all out again. King knew not to push the issue any more than this. He had planted all the information he could, it was Saitama’s turn to actually do the work. This was his problem to deal with after all. He’d had Genos for almost a month now, Saitama couldn’t avoid these obvious topics any longer. Or he could, Saitama was both stubborn and a bit lazy.

The front door swung open, the aforementioned blond android entering with two boxes in hand. He announced his return with a bravado that portrayed his pride in a job well done. Placing the food on the table, both hungry figures gave each other a silent agreement that there was nothing more to be said and decided to dig in. It took no time at all for them to finish off the pizza and breadsticks, and it was back to the one-sided matches of virtual fighting. Saitama made his eighth vow not to fret over this any longer today. It was officially a tomorrow problem. Or the next day. Or whenever something stupid came up that would cause them to face this all again. Probably that last one.

…[incoming message from A.I.…]

……[message received]

…[accessing A.I. inbox…]

……[1 unread message: re:IMPORTANT CALIBRATION NOTICE]

……[message content: “Message manually reviewed. Unit cannot determine status of maintenance. Since reports 1 – 12 were not received, unit is to report for maintenance within 14 days from date of this message.”]

Chapter Text

…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]

…[scanning systems…]

……[systems running at 80% efficiency]

………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]

…[defrag cancelled]

……[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1574.doc]

…[file deleted]

…[initiating sensory input systems]

…[full bootup in 10…]

…[5…]

…[full bootup complete]

…[begin MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai]

…[task to complete: store bedding]

……[bedding successfully stored]

…[task to complete: replace sleepwear with acceptable daywear]

……[transition complete]

…[task to complete: analyze counter surface hygiene]

……[analysis complete: surface acceptable]

…[task to complete: prepare meal]

…[accessing folder: recipe_collection]

……[accessing subfolder: breakfast_recipe_collection]

………[accessing file 6 of 21…]

………[adding ingredients to task to complete subfunction]

…[retrieving ingredients…]

……[analyzing ingredient conditions…]

………[analysis complete: ingredients of sufficient condition]

…[retrieve relevant tools…]

……[begin preparing ingredients]

Genos made sure to position the chopping board squarely on the counter, double checked the tomato was centered, then raised the knife to begin chopping. He was agonizingly slow as his visual overlay measured each stroke of the blade to create perfectly even slices. He turned the pieces to dice them smaller, but he did not anticipate how slippery the fruit could be. Warnings began to flood his vision as the pieces became less and less perfect. His face contorted into a grimace, his eyes narrowing at the audacity of this red abomination that dared fight against its purpose of becoming breakfast. He turned to empty the cutting board’s contents into the trash when a voice finally broke the silence.

“Why you throwing that out?” Saitama rubbed his eyes as he stood hunched in the kitchen doorway.

“My apologies for wasting food, but these are not to acceptable size as a diced ingredient so I have determined that I must start again,” Genos informed. Saitama peeked at the board before grabbing it and placing it back on the counter.

“They’re fine. Use them,” he croaked out.

“…Understood,” Genos hesitantly responded before returning to his task. Saitama continued to stare for a while until he realized what exactly was confusing him.

“What’re you making?”

“Omelettes with tomato and cheese. Unfortunately, we do not have any other acceptable ingredients that would pair with this meal. If you have different preferences, please let me know so that I can add a note to my recipe file and modify today’s shopping list,” Genos reported while whisking some eggs in a bowl.

“Sounds good… But… Where did you learn this?” Saitama raised a brow.

There was a momentary pause in action before Genos continued stirring. “As stated initially, I qualify as a luxury model and thus can complete more abstract problem-solving concepts. This includes taking your instructions and extrapolating to other tasks that require similar methods or means. As such, you have given me permission and some guidance on cooking, so I have applied this information to the recipes I stored earlier in my database that now allows me to make more complex meals.”

“Oh. Neat,” Saitama concluded with his eyes closed. He may have tuned out towards the end there. He continued on his journey while Genos prepared the pan for the eggs.

While taking his time brushing his teeth, Saitama found himself more at ease than he should be. It seemed that the blond-haired android had returned to some semblance of normalcy, especially since he dropped the topic of being returned. He wasn’t zoning out nor was he weirdly agitated. Saitama thought back to his conversation with King the other day and knew that he should be asking some tougher questions, but he just couldn’t see himself ruining what was a peaceful morning for once. He had been craving this for so long, surely those issues could wait. It’s not like the android was going anywhere anytime soon. He definitely wasn’t beating the allegations of his aloofness.

As Saitama stepped out of the bathroom, he was met with the pleasant aroma of a well-seasoned breakfast. Genos had just set the two plates on the table and now occupied his usual spot. Saitama took a moment to enjoy the sight of the sun shining through the translucent curtains that draped across the glass door. The beams caught the few particles of dust the floated lazily through the air as the room was cast in the light blue haze of early daytime. This was what he’d been missing.

Someone knocked on the door. Saitama’s shoulders dropped and he let his head fall back.

“Please allow me to answer the door, master. You should enjoy your meal while it is still hot,” Genos quickly said, rising in an attempt to march to the entryway.

“Nah, I got it,” Saitama sighed, turning back the way he came. His hand hesitated over the doorknob before just sucking it up and getting it over with.

Outside his apartment stood a tall, thin figure with long flowing platinum blond hair. He wore a mid-length white cape that wrapped loosely around his neck and shoulders. He sported a tight black bodysuit with silver plating along his arms and outer legs. He held an air of arrogance, his expression that of judgement and snobbery. Saitama continued to stare while his mind scrolled through the people he knew. This figure was familiar, but he was struggling to place him.

“Forelocks,” was all he could remember.

“That is not my name. I don’t appreciate tactless jokes from my student,” the man replied in frustration.

“I’m not your student.”

“I had been preoccupied with important missions until now, so I have not been able to continue our lessons, but that changes today. Gather your things and we shall begin your intense training,” The pesky man announced with grandiose authority.

“Okay, just give me a second,” Saitama yawned, trying to close the door as subtly as possible. Unfortunately, his brilliant plan was immediately upended by a flying kick to prevent being locked out.

“Last time you pulled this you left through your balcony. I will not allow you to fool around anymore,” The intruder stomped into the tiny space with purpose. As soon as he entered the main room, he was momentarily taken aback to find that it was not empty.

…[no entry permission audio detected]

…[target identified as threat. Initiate HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

…[response processed: “You have been identified as an unwanted intruder into my master’s home. Please vacate the vicinity immediately or proper authorities will be notified.”]

Genos rose once again, puffing up his body and beginning to glow his trademark gold. Saitama jumped into action, planting himself in the middle to deescalate the situation.

…[Master: “No, it’s fine. You can sit back down; I know this guy.”]

…[Intruder.A: “Indeed. Sit, dog.”]

…[deactivating HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]

The glow faded as Genos slowly retreated to his earlier position, never taking his eyes off the stranger. The meal in front of him was no longer of interest.

…[Intruder.A: “You can leave your guard dog here, he’s not necessary.”]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

…[response processed: “I will not allow my master to leave unaccompanied by an unwelcomed intruder. Nor will I allow him to leave without receiving proper nutrition.”]

…[Master: “Oh yeah. Breakfast.”]

Saitama plopped himself down at the table and scooted his plate closer. He didn’t even wait, he just started to dig in. As he munched away at breakfast with the occasional happy sound, the blond man also joined them, placing his long, sheathed sword across his lap. Genos continued to glare.

…[Intruder.A: “Saitama, why not introduce me properly to your android.”]

…[Master: “Oh. Uh… This is Genos. He lives here. Genos, this is… uh… Cl… Fl… Clavicle Smash.”]

…[Clavicle Smash: “Wrong. If you get my name incorrect again, I will increase the intensity of your training as you seem to severely lack discipline.”]

…[public files successfully downloaded: target identified]

…[response processed: “Based on your appearance, I have identified you as the professional hero Flashy Flash. Your publicly recognized feats against monsters are notable but are not comparable to the works done by my master. Based on all available data, there is nothing you could possibly offer my master regarding lessons on strength, speed, durability, or morality. Your presence here is unnecessary.”]

Flashy Flash continued to stare with a half-lid expression that screamed “unimpressed”, but Genos could detect a slight spike in his heartrate. The calm demeaner only worked on those without mechanical sight. Or on those who did not care, such as the bald man enjoying the last few bites of his meal, oblivious to the heated exchange going on beside him.

…[F Flash: “I wouldn’t expect a pet to know respect if his master also lacks it.”]

The glowing returned immediately to the android sprang forward. Saitama attempted to wave him down, but it was clear Genos was no longer listening. So much for that peaceful morning.

“Look, I’m not your student and we’re not going anywhere for a “lesson”, so could you get out of my house already?” Saitama pleaded with agitation.

“Then fight me. Prove to me that you are beyond my skills. If I win, you will officially acknowledge that you are my student,” Flashy Flash offered.

“And if I win, I don’t want to hear anymore more about it,” Saitama countered. “Oh, but let me get changed first. I don’t want to get my pajamas dirty.”

Flashy Flash scoffed before exiting the room, though the sound of the front door was not heard. He still did not trust that Saitama wouldn’t run off without him. As the unknown hero slipped on some casual clothing, Genos flitted about with a restless energy.

“Master, I must point out that this exercise is redundant. Your strength far exceeds this interloper. This should be a non-issue considering all circumstances. If you continue to entertain his requests, we could fall behind on today’s predetermined errands.”

“Eh, it’s fine. This guy’s like Sonic, he’s just really stubborn,” Saitama replied.

“Of course! I should have realized sooner. The similarities in figure, weaponry, unwarranted confidence, and irritating presence should have been an indicator of their identical nature. Perhaps you could dispatch this unwelcome guest in a similar fashion?” Genos requested with confidence. Saitama paused for only a moment before waving away the suggestion.

“Nah, I can handle this. Just leave it to me, alright?” Saitama gave a light pat on the shoulder before stepping around the android and making for the door. Flashy Flash still stood in the hallway, a visible vein protruding from his forehead from the overheard conversation.

“Don’t lump me in with that talentless nobody,” Flashy Flash sneered, turning away and finally leaving. Saitama just shrugged at his companion as he followed along.

“Hey, grab those coupons since we’ll be out,” Saitama asked quickly while he slipped on his shoes. Genos shoved a stack of loose strips of paper and fliers into his back pocket before mirroring his master and slipping out the door as well.

The walk to their destination was long. Flashy Flash simply stated that they were headed to an arena and walked away with the expectation that the duo would follow his orders. He spoke no other words along the way. The mostly overcast sky was thick with billowing clouds of white that towered deep into the atmosphere. A large flock of birds drifted over their heads, creating ever shifting murmurations against some perceived threat. A light breeze shifted the long strands of shiny platinum hair that fell loosely around Flashy Flash, and Saitama just pouted to himself in silence.

Once they arrived, Saitama took a moment to look over the clearing surrounded by trees. A plethora of boulders littered the area, ranging from ankle height to the size of a small house. Some contained deep cuts, others splintered from some unknown impact. Clearly this was a well-used place for training.

“This area will be used for our spar. It provides plenty of places to test stealth, strength, and speed. I will give you thirty minutes to try to hit me. If I bring you down before that, the match is over,” Flashy Flash announced. He turned around after his declaration to find his would-be student huddled close to the android, pouring over some fliers.

“So you think we should go to this one first? That might work,” Saitama pondered, rubbing his chin.

“However, if we combine these two, it could potentially reduce the trip by-“ Genos was cut off by the incoming swing of a sword. He gripped the papers tighter so they wouldn’t be disturbed. It would not have hit him based on its path, but the android glared in response, nonetheless. Afterall, the blade was meant for his master. Flashy Flash held the weapon in place, pointed at the bald man’s neck in what he believed was a threatening manner. Saitama just furrowed his brow more out of annoyance without flinching.

“Pay attention. I will teach you how to respect your superiors,” Flashy Flash growled. He brought the sword back to his side and slid it slowly into its sheath. His patience was already gone from their earlier interactions, but now he considered this a test of his willpower. Saitama returned his attention momentarily to Genos.

“Alright, just give me a second. We’ll head out for the store after this. Do that thing where you map out the best route or whatever.”

“Hai!” Genos exclaimed, returning to his pile of papers.

Saitama casually strolled to one end of the area; his hands tucked deep into his pockets. Flashy Flash took his stance at the other end, his hand still resting on the hilt of his weapon. He eyed his opponent from across the field, weighing his first move. His legs tensed for just a moment before he sprang forward with incredible speed, closing the distance to strike. Saitama casually shifted to the side to avoid the attack, his expression never changing.

‘Remember, this man contains untapped power. Do not forget he’s dodged multiple surprise attacks in the past,’ Flashy Flash scoffed at himself. He planted his hands on the ground and swung a sharp roundhouse kick at Saitama but missed yet again. Rotating his body, he tried for one more downward strike with his heel and met only air and dirt. Saitama had jumped back just enough to be clear of any damage.

Flashy Flash hopped backward to gain some space before leaping forward for more speed. Clearly that was what he was missing. He wasn’t moving fast enough. If he could just… outpace the man in front of him, he could take him down. But again and again, he felt no impact, no resistance, nothing. He began to panic just a little, though he would never admit it to himself. How could this casual cretin be faster than him? He, who had been training all his life for this speed, this power, was being shown up by a man in a joke shirt and no reputation.

He clenched the hilt of his sword, but it was too late. A fist was now flying towards his face and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Master!”

The fist stopped.

A huge gust of wind pushed past Flashy Flash’s face, blinding him momentarily. He was now dazed from the display and sweating profusely.

“Yeah?”

“I have detected multiple non-human lifeforms in the area. I apologize for interrupting but due to our proximity to the city I have determined it would be advantageous to eliminate the threats before they became cause for alarm,” Genos reported.

“Oh. Okay,” Saitama nonchalantly walked away from the frozen ninja, figuring he’d done enough.

Flashy Flash coughed, attempting to regain control of himself and the situation. “We shall postpone this match in order to take care of more pressing matters,” he announced, striding forward with confidence.

“My master clearly won the fight,” Genos sneered, furrowing his brow.

“Saitama did not land a hit on me, so the match is undecided. Or shall I count it as a victory for me instead?” Flasy Flash bit back.

“Hey Genos, where were those monsters?” Saitama piped up, not caring much about the logistics of what was being argued about.

…[locating targets…]

…[non-human lifeforms detected: 375 ft due northwest]

……[danger level: 5]

…[response processed: “Mid-level threats have been detected in that direction.”]

…[Master: “Alright, let’s go.”]

Saitama sprinted forward with Genos quickly in tow. Flashy Flash had no trouble keeping up, but Genos made sure to stay firmly between the two. They approached the location the android gave but saw nothing was wrong. No roars, no screams, no destruction. It was just an empty park with a few benches scattered about and luckily no occupants. Saitama scratched the top of his head as he scanned the area.

…[Master: “You sure this is the spot?”]

…[F Flash: “Perhaps you interrupted our match in order to save your master from a loss.”]

…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]

…[locating targets…]

…[non-human lifeforms detected: 10ft due north]

……[danger level: 5]

…[response processed: “My sensors are picking up multiple lifeforms in this immediate vicinity. They are of mid-level dange-]

Genos could not finish the sentence as the ground beneath them ruptured. Huge ants with thick black mandibles burst from the earth, clicking and screeching as they scuttled forward. Their antenna wiggled about as their large compound eyes took in their new scenery. Five made it to the surface and a few more began to follow suit. They charged forward with reckless abandon, clacking their jaws in anticipation.

Flashy Flash immediately drew his sword and slashed the first ant clean in half, leaving long streaks of deep emerald blood across the ground. He essentially disappeared to the naked eye, his speed leaving just a blur of motion and the whip of a strong breeze. Three more ants met their demise but were quickly replaced as more marched from the underground. He continued to weave through the monsters, slicing at legs and abdomens. Nothing Flashy Flash did was without excessive flourish.

An ant made an attempt to grab Saitama with its mandibles but exploded from a swift punch to the face. Some of its viscera splattered onto his head. He blinked hard in mild surprise before crinkling his nose in disgust.

“Would you guys just bug off!” Saitama punched another, adding to his dirty state. He spotted some more ants coming from hole and cleared those out before hopping in himself. Genos made a motion to follow but was set upon by another monster. He rounded to meet it, clenching his fist and preparing to strike. Its jaws were about to close on him when it suddenly fell apart into a multitude of pieces. Flashy Flash stared down his nose at the inconvenience.

“You do not need to concern yourself with my wellbeing. I am capable of dispatching monsters myself,” Genos grumbled, turning his attention onto other targets. Flashy Flash just scoffed and resumed his own assault. Between the two of them, the ants became only heaps legs and shed carapaces scattered across the forest floor. A few antennae twitched here and there, but Genos detected no living lifeforms in the area anymore. However, his master still had not returned to the surface.

Genos perched on the lip of one of the holes, calling down and listening to his voice echo through the tunnels. His sensors detected Saitama, but it would take some time before they could fully penetrate through the dirt and stone to map the labyrinth below. It would prove unnecessary as the bald man simply punched his way to the surface. Both Genos and Flashy Flash had to shield themselves from the rain of dirt that poured down from the mini explosion.

“Master! All non-human lifeforms are now cleared from my detection range. You have done a great service for the public. Shall I report this instance for your portion of the credit?” Genos projected with fervor, his fists balled up in front of him.

“Nah it’s fine, I just need to get cleaned up. I figured there’d be like a queen or something, but I didn’t see anything,” Saitama frowned, trying to shake any excess chunks off his clothing.

“If you would like, we can head back to the apartment so that you may clean up there or you could utilize the water source just beyond those trees for cleaning purposes. If we head back, it could result in lost opportunities regarding timing for sales,” Genos droned as Saitama contemplated his choices.

“I’ll just jump in the water here. We brought all those coupons with us, so it’d be a hassle to go all the way back now,” Saitama shrugged, heading to the nearby pond. Flashy Flash watched on in a mixture of relief and mild annoyance as he seemed all but forgotten. He turned to leave just as Saitama stripped down to just his boxers and cannonballed into the lake. He couldn’t help but reminisce on the days when he and Sonic were still training together at the compound, engaging in breath-holding exercises in the murky water.

Flashy Flash pondered more on the strange android he’d just met, confused by how such a being came into Saitama’s possession. He hadn’t even bothered asking, having been distracted by the immediate reproach to his arrival. The glowing the robot had done… it was oddly familiar. Added with the way he could hold his own so easily against so many monsters, it triggered an old memory from years ago of when he was hired to eliminate a few advanced android units sweeping through a battlefield. Surely this one wasn’t of the same lot, otherwise…

Genos turned to watch the ninja disappear beyond the tree line, holding diligently to his master’s clothing.

Chapter Text

‘Once this paperwork is done, you’ll be sent for decommissioning…’

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of cortisol]

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……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.35.doc to AI: file not detec̶͈̖̣͊̍̎̍̊͢ ted]

The sheer curtains swayed from a stray breeze that wandered into the lone occupied apartment. The day was proving to be just as peaceful as all the others, the warmth of the sun feeding into the lazy atmosphere that made each denizen feel their eyelids get heavy, the call of a midafternoon slumber more and more appealing with each passing minute. No birds sang as they hid under overpasses or huddled under tree shade during this time of high sun. Not even the clatter of a trash can lid as a stray cat rummaged for food was enough to break the spell.

Saitama yawned dramatically as he lay on the living room floor, his legs crossed and one hand behind his head as he read his newest manga. He wasn’t as engrossed as he wished he could be, considering the events going on around him. Despite everything, Genos was immune to this lazy weather effect, pacing around cleaning things that were already clean and reorganizing the pantry even more optimally than before. More concerningly, however, were the notes he was leaving everywhere.

It had been more than a week since their encounter with Flashy Flash, and Saitama figured that it all went rather well. Since then, they had gone to King’s place twice, went on a few monster patrols, and otherwise just chilled in their little sanctuary. No one gave Genos any grief, no one questioned his presence or origins, no monsters attacked him, everything was going picture perfect. So, to see the android so antsy, so high strung on such a nice afternoon was odd. It’s not like Genos hadn’t acted odd in the past before, it was almost becoming his default. And it’s not like Saitama ever got answers to why, but he supposed eighteenth time’s the charm.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve cleaned that table since we last used it,” Saitama said, breaking Genos’s concentration. “You’re wasting cleaning products.”

“My apologies, master. I was attempting to remove this stain but I’m afraid I do not have the mechanisms to accomplish this task,” Genos said dejectedly, shoulders sinking slightly. Saitama had to admit; the guy was far more animated now than when he first got here. That “personality programming” or whatever it was called was some powerful coding.

“If you’re on such a cleaning kick, why not pick up all those papers you’re leaving everywhere?” Saitama pointed to the shelf below the kitchen window, which was covered in loose sheets with more notes than he ever wanted to read. A few had blown to the ground from the earlier breeze.

“My apologies if they were an inconvenience. I shall put them away immediately,” Genos agreed, rushing to the counter and began stacking each paper in an order only he knew.

“What are those for?”

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.B̡͈̈RAIN processes detected: increased levels of cortisol]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.36.do̫̕c to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.36.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to sen̡̪̥͖ͥͤ͐̅ͧ͑͋d CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.36.doc to AI: file not detected]

“…They are my records regarding the maintenance of this apartment and your preferences regarding various aspects of your daily life, such as preferred foods and supplies,” Genos hesitantly admitted, not meeting his master’s gaze.

“What the heck did you write all that down for? Don’t you have like a data thing in your head for that?” Saitama sat up and put away the book, giving the android more of his attention.

“I simply… calculated that it would be in your best interest that this information exist outside of me as an android unit should you find yourself needing an upgrade or replacement in the future. While most of the info I have gathered would be transferred, I cannot account for any information that was not uploaded successfully to Android Industries’ servers.” Genos gripped the stack harder, leaving small wrinkles on the pages.

“Sounds pointless. I don’t need an upgrade or replacement. And you’re not broken so there’s nothing to worry about,” Saitama responded sharply, trying to get this point to sink in. He really thought they were past this, but Genos just wouldn’t let it go it seemed. He finally got up to fill his empty cup, a little glad he had said no to a refill earlier as this was a good excuse to stretch his legs.

The gentle sound of running water echoed through tiny space, followed closely by the muffled snuffle of covered feet making their way back into the room. Genos hadn’t moved a single gear, still sitting in his curled position, still clutching tightly to his notes as if they were about to be ripped away. Saitama stopped, gazing down at the small figure with his rounded eyes and blank face.

“You’re not broken, right?”

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increâ̗̯̩̺̣͕ͯͦ̃̀̇͆̒̾̓͜͝sed levels of cortisol]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05̡͈̦̩̩̰̿ͣ̀͊ͩͫ̏̓ͨͪ̐̆́̆͘̕͞.37.doc to AI]

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There was a long enough pause for Saitama to start sweating when Genos finally interjected. “No, I am not in any state of disrepair. However, I have been summoned for early maintenance due to the earlier report regarding fluctuations in my bio processes,” Genos stated in his normal robotic tone, something that always irritated Saitama whenever he heard it.

“Maintenance? Like the once-a-year thing?”

“Yes, however it can be earlier if Android Industries detects any anomaly in coding or processes.”

“But… doesn’t that mean they take your brain out?” Saitama fidgeted a bit, thinking back to all the horror movies he’d watched in the past.

“That is part of the standard procedure. As stated earlier, my brain does not think like yours. As such, it can be replaced just like any other computing part,” Genos stated, still monotone.

“I always knew you were a brainless piece of trash,” came a familiar voice from the open balcony doorway. That same thin, dark-clad figure with a menacing look now stood leaning against the metal framing, arms crossed in an aloof demeaner. Sonic unfurled from his stance but took no further steps inside. He wore more normal streetwear this time around but still donned his weapons. Genos whipped around to face the intruder, papers scattering about the ground. Saitama remained unimpressed.

…[W̷̦̙̱͙̟̜̠̰̺͉̘̮͉ͤ̌ͩͣ̀̇̍ͧ͛̈ͫͤͪͨ̇̚ARNI̵͍͉̯̝̣͎̱̹̜̒ͮ͌̓̑̎͑ͦ̍̌̅̕͟͜NG: unregṵ̴͕̬͍͙̻̘͚̂̎̑́͂ͣͣ͛̉̀͌̕͘͡ͅlated BIO.BRAIN processes det͚ͫ͋ͧ̊ͤͥe̥̜̰͈̣̺͔̦̖̙̝ͫ͒̓͑ͭ̄̏̂͒͒̇́̊̉ͫ̿͛̍͘͝ͅcted: increâ̗̯̩̺̣͕ͯͦ̃̀̇͆̒̾̓͜͝sed levels of cortisol and adrenaline]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05̡͈̦̩̩̰̿ͣ̀͊ͩͫ̏̓ͨͪ̐̆́̆͘̕͞.38.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.N͙̺̗̙͎̝̩͙͓̅̐ͣͪ̆̄͌ͤ̓ͦ̊̈́̂͜͢͞͝͡Ơ̸̴̷̘̟̳̫̔̃̆ͬ̍̃͐̉̉̄̽ͭͬ̓ͅTICE.AG_UN05.38.doc deleted]

……[error: unable to s̪̦̹͆̀̎͌̊̽̄̕end CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.37.doc to AI: file ǹ̵͍̞̺̮̤̼̼̭̋ͯ͌ͤ̆̉ͤͬͤ̀̈́̈̾ͩͩ̂͢͟͝o̫͚̿̎t detected]

“That’s not my front door,” Saitama stated plainly.

“Doesn’t matter, since you just let anyone come in here anyway,” Sonic bit back. “I heard Flashy Flash came by. He fails to recognize you as a rival, so don’t give him your time. Instead, you should fight me. Once I prove I’m stronger, it’s over for all of you,” he announced, definitely not jealous in any way. He placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, a motion Genos found familiar and unnecessarily repetitive.

“You guys related? You sound like those psychic sisters,” Saitama grimaced at the memories.

“I’ll start with him,” Sonic gestured to Genos, ignoring Saitama’s comment. “I also heard you can actually fight now. We never finished our previous match. I’ll show you what real speed looks like,” Sonic smirked. ‘Remember what Flash told you, use it against him,’ Sonic thought, his grin widening. Genos took a few steps closer, but Saitama stopped him with a hand to his chest.

“No one is fighting anyone. I don’t want a bunch of dust kicked up around my house,” Saitama warned, lowering his tone.

“You don’t want to test your killer android? Afraid to know how useless he is?” Sonic mocked, placing a hand on his hip and shifting his weight. He’d have to really go for the throat if he wanted the reaction he desired.

‘If you can’t do this, you’re useless.’

“He’s not useless, and he’s not a killer. He’s helped save people by beating monsters. He’s a pretty good guy,” Saitama argued back, lowering his defensive stance. Saitama knew Sonic’s schtick, but he was confident it wouldn’t work. He’d warned Genos multiple times not to fall for it, but the guy could be a bit hot headed. He tore his gaze from Sonic to check on the android, relieved to see his normal neutral angry face that he always wore.

“It is as my master said: I only employ my additional functions against monsters in an effort to keep the population and my master’s home safe from damage,” Genos stated, lifting his chin to glare down his nose.

“And what if I scramble that code of yours? You androids are all shoddy, anyway. Can't be too hard to flip from monsters to people.”

‘I don’t care if they're people.’

…[W̷̦̙̱͙̟̜̠̰̺͉̘̮͉ͤ̌ͩͣ̀̇̍ͧ͛̈ͫͤͪͨ̇̚ARN̶̡̧̛̝̘̖̮̝̜̱̜͇ͣ͆ͦ͗͂ͮ͗ͤ͐͐ͪ͊͊͘͘͜͢ͅͅINǴ̴̛̭̙̯̻̖͍̱̖̈́̓̄̉ͩ̏ͣ͢͞͠: unregulated BIO.B̶͉̖̖̜̬̮̙͐̂̀ͤ̽̏̐̋͢͞_̵̨͎̙̯̈̅̽͜ͅŖ̵̶̵͎̫͚̭̮̹̣͇̺̓̍̿̒͊̍̉͗͊ͪͪͦ̔̀ͩ̎ͪ̒ͨͯ͊̕̕͢͡͡A͉̹͒I̼̞̥N̬̿̿͠ processes detected: increâ̗̯̩̺̣͕ͯͦ̃̀̇͆̒̾̓͜͝sed levels of a̷̸̧̛͎̰͙ͪͪ̀̿ͧͬ̾̈͘͟͡͝d̴̡̡̢̨̫͙̳̜̳͓̭͈̬̻̼̩͇͙̑ͥ͑̒̊ͧ͒͒̋ͨ̔͂͑̓͂ͣͫ̍̌͒̃̀͜͟͞͝ͅṙ̴̳͖̝̊̇̓͊ͭe͠ņ̴̵̷̷̩͈̭̪͓̫̰͕̠͚̳̣̮͗̍͐ͨ̒͊͗̃͆̊̊͋̒̒̀̐ͭ́̏̕͟͢͝naline]

“Would I get a real fight then?” Sonic leaned back, matching Genos's upturned face.

“It would be against regulation to-”

“As if I give a shit about that company. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather just burn it down.”

‘Burn it all, AG-UN05.’

“Knock it off,” Saitama attempted to intervene.

“I’ve already killed off hundreds of androids, what's one more? I'll eliminate them all if I want to.”

‘Engage Eliminate All Life protocol, AG-UN05.’

….[E̷̡̡͎͈͚̺̘̗͉͑͂̒ͦ̽͂̂̄̕͜N̸̤̙̻̻ͯ͛̋̃̒̀̈́͜͢G̛̼͍̭̪̝͙̫͓̀̓̽͆̉̋ͣͤ̀ͮ̕͘͟͡Á̢͈̠̫̙͙̿ͨ̚͘͝_̴̨̣̟̠͚̞̖̩̙͇̂́̐̓ͫ͛ͭ̐ͣ̑̿̏͛̅̍̂ͮ͝Ģ̶̭̝͖̩̼̝̲̱̯̤͕̤̮̭̪͎̦̻̣̊͊́̿ͮ̏̅̑̀͂͒̆̈́͗͒̀͗͂͐ͫͮ̽͘͢͠͡E̴̻͍͎͈̞͎̜̟ͨ̐ͣͯ̀̈̔̌̉͊͟ Ò̶̷̸̧̪̩̩̟̲̰̩̙͚̠̰ͦ̃̇̀̈̉̔́̋̄͟͢P͕̯̤͕̘̖̬̝̻̭̃ͬ͑ͬ̆̊̌ͤ̚̚͟ͅÈ͔̫̗̪̯̣͍̼̳ͫ̑̅R̠͐A̽T̷̵̛͖̫͔̖̱̖̮̯̭̳ͭ̈̉ͥ́ͮ̎̇̓̾̆̔̏̆̂́ͨ̎ͤ͑͜͞͝I̴̡̪̼̬̟̝̰̠̼͍̥ͩ̽̀̓ͥ͂̈́ͯͫ̒̚͜͢Ǫ̬͔̟̳̻͉̰̘͉̬̱̜̞͛̇̇ͨͥͮͧ̄ͯͧ̏͡ͅN̸͚̈̽̇̈́ͭͥ͝.̮͓E̢̟͍̫̣͍̤ͪ̄ͩ͆̀̓̅͑͛̐ͬ͠Á͕͚̣̙̮̘ͯ̾́̒͒̽ͧ͢͡͝_̼̤̘̈ͨ͊ͥ̄ͅL_̡̨̭͉͇̙͚͖̥̙͉͓̤͎̠̞̫̳͔͔̞͚̂͆̓ͪ̆̊́̔̂ͣ̑͑̍̔ͦ́̕̕͟͢͜͡ͅ]

Genos burst forward with a speed neither were expecting. The glass door shattered from the concussive blast of air and the room was filled with paper twisting and turning in the turbulence. A rough hole now adorned the balcony wall where the android blasted through with his target, the crumbling pieces shattering on the sidewalk below. Saitama’s cactus rolled to the side, luckily avoiding most of the damage, save for a singular crack that ran up the terracotta pot. The man quickly scooped it up and placed it inside on the table, the papers crunching beneath his feet.

…[W̵̧̨̧̜͎̙̣̘̬̙͔̪̟̯̘͉̠̫̬̑̇ͮ̀̐͂̔̀͂ͭ̅͒̑͐͂̈̕͘͜͠A̦ͣ̿ͥ͟R̯̜͉̞̳͐̅̍̔N͔̩̗̼͌̃̇I̷͈ͬ̅̋_̡̨̭̬̀̂̕N̵̛̲̥̤̩͕̠̽ͯ͒̅̊̾̽͞ͅĠ̬:̸̵̻̞̻͎̠̳̺͛̅ͬͪ̌͋ͣͦ̓͂͑ͧ̉͞ͅ Ḓ̷̨̢̛̠͓̮͔̤̜̮̩̮̻̿͊̄̌͂ͦͧ̀́ͥ́̀̽̎̍̑̎̀ͯ̌ͪ̿̃͜͡Ǫ̴̡̛̼͕̺̤̝͔̖̘̅͊͐̇͛̉ͯ̊̐̉̀̓͌ͩ̈ͮ̌̚͟͜ N͙͚̼̓̎͝Ơ̵̷̶̢̧̛̺̘̙̤͎̮̯̠̤̟̯̝̦̿̽ͮ̎͐͒̈ͪ̃̅ͨ̌͠͠͠T̡̡̻̱̳̻̘͇̲̺̤̍̒̐ͦͧͩͭ̋͆͋͛̌̅̀̕͟͞ E̽_̡̣͎̟̜̗̘͇͍̓̇̐ͯ͂̀̑̿N͍͕̳̬͉̜̞̰̮͚̏̏ͤ͋ͧͬͣ̋́̒͡͝͠G̸̶̷̶̶̨̧͍͍̞̼͍̭͙̣͈͎̟͕ͨͥ͗ͩͥ͐ͥ̓ͮ̔̅͝͠͠͡Ą̷̛̗̹͕͇̮̗̫̥̬͔͇̻ͪ̎̔̐̏ͬͦ̀͑̄͂̅̓͂́͒ͧͬ͂͟͜͞͡͞͠G̴̶̡̧̨̡̳̞̻̘̗͕̥͍̥̲ͮ͊͂̀ͥ̓̈́ͣ̽̌̒̾̽̕E]

Both bodies slammed into the side of the highway overpass across from the apartment building, sending chunks of concrete careening through the empty streets. Sonic got loose from the attack and slipped behind a building to regain his bearings, but the sound of metal on brick meant he had no time. The android punched through the wall where his head had been only a moment before. A fine layer of powder trailed after each combatant from the destruction they wrought.

Sonic continued to dodge every attack, every strike this mad robot sent his way, but only barely. He cursed at himself for being dazed for this long. He wanted this, that was the whole point of agitating the guy. As they continued this deadly dance, Sonic unsheathed his sword in preparation. All he needed was one moment and he could slice into the android. Just as before, he needed to aim for an area with a lot of important tubes or cables. He steeled himself for just a second and redirected the next hit, sending the metal arm up and giving him a chance to strike at his opponent’s exposed side. What he wasn't expecting was a swift knee to his stomach.

Genos had grabbed hold of Sonic collar before the ninja could notice, so when he tried to retreat, he was met with resistance. The android raised his remaining arm up with his palm exposed, aimed directly at his head.

…[Ùͨp̸̴̡̡̲̪̲̝̲̣̩̳̪͉̠͎̖̫͉̹̫̱͚͍̗̮͑̏͆̌̏͆ͮ̈́̐̾͒͋̆̍̅̎ͮ̕̕͟͟d̵̸̤͍̺̬̰̥̝͈̝̦͌ͨ̌ͧͮ̐̔̓̄̏́̑a̙̠̹̲ͩţ͍͖̭̮̼̤̮̝̗͙̠̐͋͒̿̊̇ͧ̎ͯͯ̒ͤ̈̾̆̒̀̒̚͜͠ͅi̲̠̥͕̭ͬ͌ͥ̓n̟͍̫̘͔͈̱̈́̆̽̄̏̑̅ͩͩͥ̑̓̈́̌̊̕͝g̡̨̨̬̪͇̺̜̥͇͖̟̦̳͉̝̜ͬ͋̒͊͋ͩ̅ͪ̀ͭ͜_̵͈̺̺ͫ̓͆̓ ķ̛̘̜̞̜̘͍̆̐͌ͦ̾ͤͤ̽͋̑͞i̥̯ͨͣ̑̏͘ͅḷ͎̣̙͆͗̒ͬl͍͇̮͂͊̑ͦ̄̒̕͡ c̶̵̴̴͙̟̥̗͚̖͈͇̥͉͖ͪͭ̐ͮ̓̀ͯ̔ͩͮ͒̏ͬͭ̿̄̿́ͥ̒̎̅͘͘͠͞ơ̸̸͈̌́̽̃̌̋ủ̷̼̼̬̺̺͖̜ͭ̾̃̑̑̏͂̆ͥ̚͡_̠̘̬͍ͬ͌̈̂n̵̴̴̨̛̥͇͎͍̙̘͚̲̏̀ͧ̑́ͫ͐ͧ̊ͬ̓ͫ̽ͩ̚͟͠ţ̵̶̯̻̳͖͔̜̥̰͙̳̩͇̻̱͓̆͌͋̐̉ͤ̇̓̇̈́ͦͨͥ̃͛̑͝ͅͅ]

“Stop.” The singular word reverberated through the vacant area. Saitama was now in front of Genos, holding the outstretched hand in his own to cover end of his cannon. Saitama stared into his wide eyes, his irises covered in what he assumed was a plethora of commands and warnings, though it looked way different than any other time he’d seen it. He was struggling to understand what was happening, but regardless he knew he needed to stop it. This was now far beyond “odd” now, Genos wasn’t functioning properly at all anymore.

“Saving your android again? A waste of your-”

“Leave.” Saitama turned to face Sonic, but his serious attitude was interrupted by seeing the ninja much further away and lacking a shirt. Gazing over, the shirt was still in Genos’s other hand. He ripped it from the grasp and tossed it back to its rightful owner. “I mean it. We're done here.”

Sonic was clearly going to argue, but the aura emanating from Saitama was more that he could handle. He mumbled, “Whatever,” and was gone, leaving only a small cloud of disturbed dust where he had been standing moments before. Saitama felt his hand move as the android pulled in an attempt to follow, but the bald man would not let go. He turned back to Genos with the most serious face he could manage, his brows furrowed hard and his eyes sharp.

“What the hell was that?!” Saitama yelled, but Genos was still locked on the direction Sonic ran. He was still pulling to get away when he stubbled from Saitama letting go. Instead, the hero grabbed on to Genos’s face with both hands in one more attempt to get the bot’s attention.

Unfortunately, it worked. Genos’s eyes stilled upon the other’s face in front of him, and his arms began to glow again. He faced his palm towards his master from below as the radiating heat began to shift and twist the air around him. He did not utter a word of warning or any indication of an attack, just unleashed a blinding beam of searing light upwards towards the target his system deemed worthwhile. Luckily, they weren’t near their apartment, so the beam hit nothing. For Saitama it was child’s play to dodge it, but the implication was what made him hesitate.

Genos was now attacking him.

…[W̼̤̺͛̎̿ͫ͝ͅÂ̜̜̭ͣͭ͛̀ͭ̋R̡̡͔͙͈͚̜̞̫̥̙̰̫̺̳̹̂̑ͦͤ̈̒͗ͪ̋ͯ̐͂̏͑̉̽ͮ̚N̑IǸG̶̢͉̼̙͔̻̞̣̘̻̭̜̤̭͍̬̮̳̊̃ͯ̑̽̌̆̆́ͫ́ͬͭ̊ͫ̈̕:̰̬̜̣̲͉ͤ̂̓̆́ͥ̀͂ͨ_̴̰͕̰͍̠̓̈ͩͬ̑̆ͨͬ͆̂̈̍ͬ̎͂́̈ ṯ̷̸̢͔̣̙͍̜͍̯̦͉̈́̆̍̿͂͂ͬͮ͛͜͠ha̡̫̻̥̱̳̩̼͒̑̅̎͑͒͌̓͘͜͢͟͟͠͞t̹̝̏ͧ̂ͥ i̷̵̛̛̩̣͉̒ͣͧ̈́ͬͭ̔ͤ͛͛̈́͋͘͞_̙̩̜͓͖̘̜ͥ͗̍́͌̎͑̔͜͢͢͞ś̶̵̡̹͇͙͔͔̳͈̯̻̯̺̦̰̣͓̩͎̮̠͆͑̆͊͋̈́̀ͭ̍̓̕͘͜ͅͅ y̶̴̡̤̗̭̻̩̭͕̭̾́̊̀͊̿ͮ̚͠ͅoͬ_̷̵̢̡̣̟̱̥͔̣̓ͮ̆ͪ̿̒̚̚͞u̵͘ŗ̴̴̢̛̪̣̦̠̻̰̜ͤ̉̐̽̋͛͞ m̨͙̮͍̝͂̋̇́̅ͫ͋ͪ̄̆̈͘͡ą̴̪̖̞̠͔͖͙̞̰͓͔̝͍͕ͫ͋ͪ͗̆͐ͨ͐̌ͤ͑̄̍̾̆̽̈́ͭ̋ͪ͗̐͜͢͝͠͝͝͝ͅͅs̡̚t̸̸̴̶̡̛͓͔̭̫̙̲̰̼͍̟̋̈̐̏̃́ͪ̆ͤͤ̽͐̎͛͆ͫ̂̑͢͟͞e̴͚̭̓ͦ̀_̝̭̣͚͍̩̺̦̘͍̓ͦ̑͌ͥ̅̅̆͑ͬ́̈̇̀ͬ̆̽ͅŗ̷̸̗͎͖̜̼̟̠̣̣̬̦͎̌ͧͮ̂ͤ͐́̈́ͧ̿͘͜͟͝ͅ.̸̣̗̭̩̼̩̟̠̥ͨ́ͫ̓̓ s̼̞͙̦̼̦̞̰̤̰͍ͦͯͯͭ̓̏̈́̈́͂͗͢͞͡ţ̶̸̧̨̻͈̳̙̙̩̯͉̖̥͉̻̩ͭ͗̒̿ͭ̽̊́ͯ̅ͯͭ̍́̈̌͆̔̈̈́̋̏̀̕͜͞͞͡ȯp̸̴̢̧̡̘͕͉͇͙̞̬̦͍͍̫̣̔͒̓ͭ̊ͪ͆̆̾̀ͥ̓̌ͨ͗̓ͦ̉̃̂̕̚͢͜͞͞]

The android’s face never changed expression, remaining in the wide-eye look of a predator on the offensive. He resorted to a rapid-fire series of punches against his new opponent, his shoulders expelling cones of heated air like a rocket leaving the atmosphere. Saitama wasn’t sure what to do, how should he get this to stop? What was even happening? Why couldn’t they just have a nice day? A flying downward strike with the android’s heel struck the pavement where Saitama had been standing, upending huge chunks of road and creating a decent sized crater.

Genos showed no signs of slowing down. In fact, he was getting worse. He placed his hands on the ground for a moment as lightning began to dance about his figure. Saitama would guess he was powering up based on the games he’d played with King. Speaking of, he remembered once when they were playing together and the console froze. King had to do a hard reset by holding down the power button to boot it back up, and it worked fine after that.

‘Is that what Genos needs? A hard reboot? I guess I’ll give it a shot, it worked on that ninja guy,’ Saitama decided. As the android flew at him with renewed speed, Saitama just left him in the dust. He needed to get the guy to stop for just a second if he didn’t want to end up breaking him. He kicked it into slightly higher gear than before, figuring if he moved fast enough Genos’s sensors would lose him. It worked just as intended. The android stopped and whipped his head around in all directions to relocate his target.

Saitama was in front of him in less than a tenth of a second, and Genos responded with a sweeping kick. He knew that was coming, so he maneuvered behind the robot and reared his fist back. All Genos could do was turn to watch the incoming attack.

…[D̴̢͈͕͓͉̤͇̥̺͖͇̥̅́̍ͤ̽ͤ̔ͮ̎ͩͮ̌͋̾͒̕̕͞ Ę̢̢̛͚̲̻̺̮̘̤̱̠̤̞̀͋ͪ̊̉ͮ̾́̐̍̆̚͢ À̵̧̨̘̘̳̮̭̩̼͕̮ͤ̀ͬ̽̃̀̉́̃̀ͤ͘͘͜͡_̵̴̷̵̧̛̜̲̗̭̺ͭ͗͋̾͋́̽ Ţ̴̴̧̢̛͔͈̼̳̘͇̜̹̙̳̪̱̠ͩ̋ͫ̋́̍͘̚̕̚͟͢͟͝ Ḩ̵̢͈͖̳͚͖̠̠̺͕̱̬͓͓̳̟͆ͩ̓ͬ̈́̐̃ͮ͌ͯ́ͬ̌̐͡ͅ]

An inconceivable amount of wind whipped past Genos’s face, his synthetic skin almost pulling away from his body. Once it finally died down, he stood slack-jawed and completely still, his hair blown back even more spiky than before. The heat of his arms dissipated, the sparks gone, the glowing vanished. He sank a little in his spot as his body relaxed and his eyes went dark.

…[rebooting…]

Saitama tilted his head to the side, questioning if his method worked. He wasn’t being pursued anymore, so he was hopeful. His other option was throwing the guy into the side of a building, but he didn’t want to resort to that quite yet. That would most likely come with repair troubles.

…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]

…[scanning systems…]

……[systems running at 42% efficiency]

………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]

………[defrag cancelled]

………[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1582.doc]

………[file deleted]

…[initiating sensory input systems]

…[full bootup in 10…]

…[5…]

…[full bootup complete]

Genos twitched as he regained possession of his body. He flexed and curled his fingers, rotated his shoulders, and looked upon the agitated man before him. Mechanical eyes may have darted away, but Genos himself could not follow.

“Mind filling me in?” Saitama crossed his arms, giving off strong “disappointed parent” vibes. He would receive no answer as he watched the android stand absolutely still, face downturned. Was he thinking he could meld with the background or something? That if he didn’t move long enough Saitama would forget he was there? Saitama took one step forward and decided on a different approach. This was already a tense enough situation, he didn’t need to add to it. He placed one hand gingerly on Genos’s shoulder and softened his face. “Just… tell me what’s going on.”

“I am defective.”

Saitama had to give it to him; Genos was learning to be concise. Too concise. After another few moments, he pursed his mouth and finally responded.

“What does that mean? Like you’re broken? I thought you said you weren’t. You need to stop ly-“

“I am beyond broken. There are egregious errors in me,” Genos interrupted. The second time he had ever done that. Saitama just stared. Something in him was rejecting these words, they sounded so wrong. What did he mean “beyond broken”? The company sent him a bad android? Genos wasn’t bad, he was… he was fine. Right? He just… glitched a little. This happens to all computers, especially when they’re… when they’re old…

‘Do you at least know how old he is?’ Saitama remembered King’s question. He knew he couldn’t ask directly, but maybe he could get around to it a different way. Just like how he just got Genos to talk again.

“Genos, when about was the time that you were… that you were made?” Saitama waved his hands as he spoke, trying to use them as a distraction to the real question.

“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential nature of-“

“Okay, let me phrase it a different way then,” Saitama cut the answer off, pacing away while holding his chin between his finger and thumb. How could he trick the answer from the android? He was never good at solving riddles, how did he expect to essentially make one? He brought his fist down into his other hand, an imaginary light bulb popping up over his head. “Oh! How about: what was happening in the world when you were created?”

“I’m sorry, I cannot search for events based on the context you provided as that would break confidentiality protocols. Please provide a different search query for results,” Genos droned. Saitama just cursed under his breath; angry his genius idea didn’t work.

“Then what about… if you… ah forget it,” Saitama grumbled, resuming his arm-crossed posed. “I just don’t get it. What exactly about you is defective? I mean sure you’re a little glitchy, but that’s not really a big deal. One little hiccup isn’t… I can handle it.”

“Could someone else?” Saitama turned away. He just gazed unfocused ahead from such a harsh question, so Genos continued on. “As I currently am, I pose great liability to Android Industries. That is why my maintenance request was moved to such an early date. I have just proven to be, as you said, “glitchy”. This is an indication my code is not working at intended, and thus I cannot fulfill my duties to you to the best of my abilities. I do not want to… continue to burden you, master.”

“You don’t have “wants”, remember?” Saitama replied sharply. A strange sound emanated from the android, likened to crunching gears or scraping metal as he seemed to curl in from an imagined hit. It was over quick as Genos attempted to straighten himself out and resume a normal stance. “See, that’s what I don’t get. You say that, but it’s not what you do. You like things. You eat sardines like they’re candy. You want things, like that apron and the keychain you claimed looked like my head. Don’t think I don’t notice all that! So why is it wrong? Why can’t you want stuff?!”

“Because I’m not human!” Genos shouted, his face contorted in anger.

…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of c̲̺͙̭͈̒ͦͨ̇̕͠͡ortisol and adrenaline]

……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.39.doc to AI]

…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.39.do̚c deleted]

……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.39.doc to AI: file not detected]

Saitama waited as he knew Genos would quickly compose himself like he always did, and he was right. He could hear the increased pace of the fans in his system working overtime as the relaxed, stoic face returned. “I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have wants. I am not meant to have wants. It is not part of my programming and thus anything that falls beyond my standard coded behavior is considered anomalous. Android Industries hold their androids to a high standard of desired responses and actions so that every customer can receive the same trustworthy experience from their android units. Any deviation will not be tolerated.”

“So, your maintenance, what’ll happen to you?” Saitama asked, feeling a new kind of tired.

“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due-“

“You answered that question earlier when I asked about your brain. Why can’t you answer it now? What’s different?” Saitama crossed his arms, staring into those glowing yellow eyes as they wavered. Genos repeated that same grinding sound, but no words escaped. “You can answer things when they sorta apply to you, but as soon as it’s personal, it’s confidential. So does that mean you’re not getting a new brain?”

Genos’s eyes disappeared under his bangs, the shadows falling across his smooth facial skin. The tiny creases that formed around his mouth as he flared his nose and tightened his lips were truly a marvel of artificiality. He looked so…

So human.

“Are you coming back?”

The stray breeze that tousled the blond locks, that formed small waves in the bald man’s loose shirt, that took away some of the dust from the earlier skirmishes, did all the answering Saitama would need.

Genos wouldn’t be coming back. And he already knew it.