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Chapter Text

June 2022: Minji

Minji sat on the edge of her bed, her knee jumping up and down erratically as she spun the ring around her right index finger with her left hand. The solid silver, decorated band always helped her to alleviate anxiety and stress and given that she was feeling an immense amount of both of those things right now, she’d never been more grateful to the girl who had bought it for her.

It had been a gift from Danielle, who’d said that she’d noticed over the last two years that Minji was prone to all sorts of tics when anxiety was taking over her, especially a tendency to bite her nails or chew on extremely random things, which was both bad for her teeth and incredibly gross. After a particularly stressful vocal session, Dani had caught Minji chewing on her phone case and the very next day had presented her with the ring.

What didn’t help, however, was that Danielle was currently the cause of her anxiety.  

What the hell just happened?

More importantly, what would have happened had they not been interrupted? She touched her mouth, feeling the ghost of Danielle’s lips that not even an hour ago had been pressed against hers.

Dani and Minji were alone in the practice room, holding each other, breathless after laughing over something utterly stupid and mundane. As their laughter calmed down, they found themselves staring into each other’s eyes, heat passing between them through their gaze.

In the passion of the moment, and seemingly experiencing a complete lapse of judgement, Dani surged forward and pressed her lips recklessly against Minji’s, not thinking about anything except having the older girl against her, the taste of her lips and the sudden desperation to feel the sensation of her tongue sliding against hers. 

When Minji had finally pulled back slightly, there was no more laughter, only their shallow breaths intermingling.

The older girl tentatively placed one hand on Dani’s waist, drawing her closer and the other gently on her face. Her thumb softly stroked her jaw, her eyes searching for any hesitation before leaning in. Danielle knew that she had given her the signal to continue, because the intensity sparking between them was overwhelming and she needed…some form of release. They were millimetres apart, lips parted in anticipation, when the practice room door had banged open and Hyein had burst in.

The two jumped back from each other as if hit by electric shock, looking at each other with wide eyes. Hyein looked from one girl to the other, seeming both suspicious and incredulous, but in the end she chose to say nothing…

Minji’s fingers began twirling her ring faster, as her brain tried to figure out how she was feeling. Sure, she and Danielle flirted with each other often, but Minji had never considered that it had meant any more than a bit of harmless fun.

But she couldn’t deny that she’d liked it. More than liked it, and that was worrying, because what did it mean for them as friends, as groupmates? She had no intention of bringing this up to Danielle-that would be both mortifying and also deeply inappropriate.

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself, wondering how she’d allowed this to happen. 

Just yesterday, herself and Hanni had officially been made Leader and Vice-Leader of the group in time for their debut; Hanni being in charge of on-stage and performance leadership, whilst she was in charge of everything off-stage: scheduling, organisation, meetings and keeping the group together and functioning as a whole. 

So, of course, she’d started off her tenure by kissing one of the members. Great!

To be fair, Danielle was the one who had kissed her. She was certain that Dani had just gotten lost in the moment, that she didn’t think about Minji in that way, so there was no need for her to go searching for any answers. The obvious thing to do now was to forget that it ever happened.

It didn’t mean anything.

Who was she kidding? Wasn’t she the one that had leant in and was about to initiate a far more intimate kiss? She had felt the chemistry and intensity between the two of them and that’s why she had been about to lose herself in a second kiss. She didn’t know if she was grateful their maknae had walked in or extremely pissed…and that was a problem.

Getting up, she paced up and down her room, still spinning her ring anxiously. There was no need to flip out about this, nothing had to change and they could just continue on as if that moment hadn’t happened. It would all be okay.

Grabbing the glass of water by her bed, she gulped it down, feeling a little more at ease. Then a thought hit her.

What if Danielle brought it up to her? 

She sat back down on the bed, clutching her glass, switching to spinning her ring with the thumb of the same hand. There was no way Dani would want to discuss what had happened, so she didn’t need to worry about it. It didn’t mean anything.

But what if it did?

June 2022: Dani

What had she just done?

Dani stared up at the beams of lights above her as she passed beneath them, trying her best to clear her mind during her favourite low-impact workout. Her slim body continued moving through the water, as she tried to get back to counting the beams, the easiest way to know when she was approaching the end of the pool.

She suddenly winced and grunted in pain, as she bashed her hand hard against the edge, hearing a light cracking sound. Standing up in the shallow end of the water, she turned her wrist towards her and confirmed her fears: she had smashed the screen of her Apple watch.

“For fuck’s sake,” she muttered, highly irritated because she knew how much it was going to cost her to get the small screen replaced. Rubbing her face in frustration, she climbed the ladder out of the pool and went over to the small locker that housed her phone and towel, removing her watch and placing it inside. She contemplated calling it a night and leaving, but she knew she wasn’t done yet and that would just piss her off more.

Getting back into the slightly chilly water, she decided on a couple of lengths of breaststroke, not trusting herself to continue with her favourite backstroke at the moment. She knew that her distracted state had been caused by the complete inability to forget the moment that had taken place a couple of hours earlier. 

What on earth possessed her to kiss Minji like that?

She had no idea where it had come from, but now it had put them both in an extremely awkward position. Should she apologise to her? How would she even go about that? Dani tried to sigh deeply, momentarily forgetting where she was and ended up swallowing a mouthful of water. Spluttering, she pulled herself up against the side, remembering why backstroke was her preferred choice when she was stressed out.

She needed to stop overthinking it. She had flirted with Minji many times over the last six months to a year, nothing too serious, so one step further to a kiss wasn’t a giant leap. It didn’t have to mean anything.

She felt her body heat beneath the cool of the water, goosebumps raising on her upper body from either the air hitting her wet skin…or from the memory of how Minji had looked at her, had touched her, had pulled her closer to her body. 

Who was she trying to fool? She knew exactly why she had kissed Minji-she had wanted to. She had wanted her and in that moment, all sensibility had fled and all she’d wanted was to feel Minji’s mouth on hers, to know how her tongue would feel against her own. What she had not counted on was how she had felt when she actually got what she wanted, the heat that had rapidly risen throughout her body when Minji had stared into her eyes with an intensity that she hadn’t seen from her before, the way her stomach had flipped as the taller girl had put her hand on her waist and stroked her face and most worryingly, the tempo of her heartbeat accelerating to an unrecognisable speed, beating a full Mahlerian allegro movement in her chest.

“Fuck,” she muttered, shaking her head of her thoughts and pushing back into the lane to resume her swim. Twisting her body onto her back, she continued taking long strokes, her arms and legs gliding through the water as she took deep breaths to try to steady her thoughts. 

It was fine. She would just avoid Minji as much as she could for the next couple of days and then it would all be forgotten. There was no chance in hell that Minji would be the one to bring it up, so if she said nothing then it would all blow over and there’d be nothing to be concerned about. It didn’t mean anything. Turning in the water, she pushed off with force from the wall, enjoying the rush, before opening her eyes to stare at the beams of lights again.

But what if it did?

Chapter Text

“What sandwich do you want, D?” Minji asked as she got up and put her backpack on the seat that she had left vacant, besides Danielle. The other girl pursed her lips as she thought.

“Hmm, if they have a turkey, tomato and mozzarella baguette, I’ll take that. Otherwise, basic tuna mayo will do me,” Danielle replied, pulling her wallet out. “How much do you think it’ll be?”

Minji looked at her bemused, her mouth scrunched in disgust.

“It’s only a sandwich. I think I can spare the expense for the both of us,” she laughed, turning to head off to the food area in Incheon Airport. “I’ll be back in a bit, alright?”

Dani gave her a small wave, smiling as she watched her saunter off with her cap pulled low over her eyes and her mask covering her mouth. Her gaze lingered, but the smile soon left her lips, resorting to chew the inside of her cheek instead. 

Shaking her head of her thoughts, Danielle took out her notebook and a pen and tapped it against the spine as she tried to think of something to write. She’d had the inclination to compose something new, for a few months now, but she couldn’t get it off the ground, her brain refusing to give her any words or melodies from which to jumpstart the song.

Perhaps Paris would give her the inspiration that she needed. 

Minji and Danielle were heading to the so-called City of Light for a three day paired shoot for Vogue France, the other three members of their group remaining in Korea to continue with their daily schedules, and Danielle couldn’t have been more excited. Somehow, in the four years of her career, Dani had yet to visit Paris, having had all of her Celine shoots and events happen on location in other countries around Europe and Asia, but coincidentally never France. 

On the other hand, Minji had been to Paris many times over the years, her gigs with Chanel and Elle taking her to Paris more than any other city in the world. She always talked so fondly of it and Danielle was genuinely looking forward to finally getting to spend some time exploring the Parisian streets, visiting the museums and finding little bookstores to peruse. She was certain that the lights, food and atmosphere would help to strike a chord in her heart and help her to get this song going.

Danielle checked in her bag to make sure that her travel documents were still there and safe and had a surge of panic when she couldn’t find them. After tipping half of her bag out, she remembered, with relief, that Minji had taken charge of both of their passports and documents, making sure that they were safe in her travel bag, as she knew how scatty the younger girl was. 

As well as being her maiden voyage to Paris, this was also the first time that Dani was going on a trip with just Minji, without any of the other three members. She was eager to spend time just hanging out with her older friend, but for some reason, she was also nervous. She couldn’t really pinpoint the cause, but she assumed that it was just because it had been an incredibly long time since they had spent any real time alone.

In general, both Minji and Dani spent their off time with their respective best friends or their maknae, but strangely never with each other. Dani had made the occasional plan to spend time with Minji, go to the cinema to watch a film, shopping, even agreeing to join her to play badminton a few times, yet it never seemed to happen.

Danielle was sure that it wasn’t a conscious decision, just…something always seemed to come up and one of them would pull out. Neither of them could get out of this trip though and it finally seemed as though they would be able to spend some quality time together. 

She continued to rapidly drum the pen on her notebook, trying to force something out of her head, but to no avail. Eventually, she gave up and tucked the two items back in her bag, grabbing her phone and scrolling her music playlists, trying to find something to calm her strange nerves. She settled on Laufey, looping her arms through the straps of Minji’s backpack as she closed her eyes and tried to dispel the strange nerves that she was experiencing.

Minji hummed to herself as she made her way back to where Danielle was waiting, carrying a paper bag with their two sandwiches, a couple of drinks and some gummy sweets. She’d also decided to pick Dani up her favourite chocolate bar, just because she figured that it would make her younger friend happy.

Smiling to herself, she thought about how this would be the first time that herself and Danielle would be spending so much time alone together. She was excited-she’d always thought that they would have a really fun time if they went away together and after four hard, bone-crushing years, they were finally doing it. 

She did feel slightly nervous, though she attributed it to her fear of flying. 

Once upon a time, Minji used to love flying, relishing in the thrill of the wheels taking off from the tarmac and watching the ascent into the skies. However, after a particularly turbulent flight in a too small plane, that had all changed and she hated even the thought of getting into a plane, let alone the actual flying. Given her profession, she’d had no choice but to fly, sometimes multiple times a week, so she thought that she would get over it quickly. Sadly, that hadn’t happened and now, her happy thoughts about her trip with Danielle were being tainted by that same fear.

Her jaunty steps faltered slightly as her stomach coiled in anxiety, her thumb going immediately to her ring, spinning it to calm herself down. Her anxiety seemed to be constant these days, burrowing under her skin and causing a near-constant itch. The only time that she didn’t seem to be affected was when she was on the badminton court, racquet in hand and doing the one thing that she was almost as passionate about as her main job of being an idol. 

She’d played badminton since she was three, her mother had been a competitive player and had instilled the love of the sport into her middle child, her eldest and youngest not being even remotely interested. Minji had taken to it immediately and had the perfect build too, being taller than the average female player and having long powerful limbs that could reach difficult shots when needed. She felt as free on the court as she did on stage, both being arenas to showcase her talents in different ways, and these days they were the only places that she found any peace of mind, other than at the Starfield and Seoul Metropolitan libraries.

Even a few years ago, idols being free to train and compete in sport or do any other type of activity at free will was completely unheard of, but two years after their debut, in 2024, 20 groups and 10 soloists from the industry’s biggest companies had signed an open letter and gone on a full strike until idol contracts had been fully revised, involving less restrictions, better pay and the right to be seen as an employee who provided a service and not a slave trapped for the majority of their formative years.  

So, as soon as it had been cleared, Minji went back to playing badminton. She joined a club and had risen in the ranks quickly, her muscle memory of the sport kicking back in, with the added bonus of certain movements being much sharper and more precise due to her years of training and performing.

She chewed on her lip as she remembered that she would have to do without either performing or playing for the next few days, something that she was never comfortable with. But she was going to one of her favourite cities in the world and there was some comfort in knowing that there were many places that she could go to unwind, plus there was the added bonus of having Dani’s company. 

She could see the younger girl now, in the distance, her legs outstretched and crossed in front of her, eyes closed with her headphones on. She continued spinning her ring as she approached. Danielle looked so peaceful that Minji was resentful that she would have to disturb her, so she decided against it, instead taking the seat next to the one her backpack was on.

As Minji took a quick glance to the side, she felt unsettled, her heartbeat increasing by just a few beats per minute and she was no longer sure that it had to do with the impending flight. 

As Danielle sank comfortably into the window seat, Minji sat up straight as the plane taxied and prepared for take-off. She was struggling to find a grounding source, her jaw clenched shut as tightly as her eyes. 

“13…12…11…” she muttered under her breath, chewing the gum in her mouth furiously to prevent pressure build-up in her ears, as she suffered from agonising pain during landing otherwise. She took her glasses off, rubbed at her eyes and put them back on, as she continued her countdown, trying to breathe deeply though the crippling anxiety.

“10…9…8…7…”

For some reason, none of Minji’s usual tricks seemed to be working and she felt tears trailing down over her cheeks, her hands shaking, visible tendons straining, as she clutched the armrests firmly.

“6…5…4…”

The plane was already in the sky and was continuing its climb smoothly, yet her heartbeat was still thundering, rogue timpanis threatening to burst her ear drums. 

“3…2…1…”

She couldn’t bear it, knowing that she was about to have a full blown panic attack. Not knowing how to stop it from hitting, she thrust one of her fists into her mouth, chewing frantically at her knuckles.

“1…1…1…1…1…”

…and then she finally felt the grounding force that she had been desperately seeking, bringing an almost instant calm to her body.

Danielle watched Minji in concern, her hand placed over her friend’s on the armrest, slotting her fingers between Minji’s longer clenched ones. She knew that her older friend had a fear of flying, but had never seen her this bad before, worry knitting her brows as she stroked her thumb over Minji’s hand, trying to bring her any semblance of comfort.

“Breathe, Min,” she whispered softly, watching the older girl closely to see if she could hear what she was saying. “You’re okay, just keep breathing.”

After a little while longer, Dani began to see the signs that Minji was calming down; her jaw relaxed, her breathing evening out and the strain lessening in the hand underneath her own. Finally, she opened her eyes and turned to look at Dani, sniffling.

“Thank you, D,” she said, her voice croaking from stress. “I…I don’t know why it was so bad this time.”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Danielle smiled at her, though her face was still showing deep concern. “I’ve never seen you so…so…”

Minji noticed the residual fear on Dani’s face and smiled weakly.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, D, I’m okay now,” she said, adjusting her glasses, trying to keep them in place on her now very blotchy face, her nose beaded with sweat. Dani, seeing her struggle, reached into her bag and handed Minji a packet of tissues.

“Try to relax now, okay? Let me know if you need anything else,” she said flatly, settling back in her own seat and putting her headphones on, brusquely turning her back to Minji to look out of the window.

Minji frowned slightly as their conversation ended abruptly, the change in Dani’s demeanour confusing her, but she decided to focus her energy on releasing the rest of the tension from her body, taking out her book and her own headphones, soon finding herself getting lost in her literary world. 

Several hours later, Dani turned back to Minji.

“What are you reading?” she asked. Minji always had her nose in a book whenever she wasn’t busy with schedules or badminton. Minji looked up from her book, surprised by Dani’s voice, given that she hadn’t spoken in such a long time.

“Much Ado about Nothing,” Minji replied. Dani curled her lip.

“Shakespeare? Why on earth are you reading Shakespeare of your own accord?” she asked, thinking back to the hell she had been put through at school in her teenage years having to study various works of the bard. 

“It’s one of my favourites,” Minji grinned back at her. “I love the relationship between Beatrice and Benedick. I mean, they’re complete arseholes to each other, but it’s a classic friends to lovers narrative where they can no longer deny their love for each other by the end. I come back to it every few years.”

Danielle just stared at her blankly and then chuckled. 

“You’re an odd one, you know?” she said, quietly, before turning back to the window. Minji couldn’t tell if she should take that as a compliment or not, staring at the back of Danielle’s head before sinking herself back into the book. 

The flight was a long one, over 14 hours to be precise and Danielle was thankful that it was overnight so that they could actually sleep. After they had eaten dinner, Minji had fallen asleep, her headphones on and her book open in her lap. Dani turned to get comfortable, facing her older friend.

Something felt off between them, but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. There was just an air of tension surrounding them, as if they were both walking on eggshells around each other, but with seemingly no reason to feel that way. Dani certainly had no issue with Minji and it didn’t seem like Minji had an issue with her, so what the hell was the weird energy between them? 

As the tiredness started to take over, she watched Minji breathing, her glasses pushed up and resting on her forehead. Subconsciously, she started to hum a melody quietly to herself, just thinking about the day so far. Bolting upright, she quickly took out her phone-this was it, the melody that she had needed to jumpstart the song that had been desperately wanting to come out recently. Opening her audio app, she hummed the melody into it, labelling it “Melody 1-Flight” before closing it again, smiling to herself that she’d finally made a breakthrough.

She wasn’t going to try to build on it right now, her body starting to shut down from exhaustion and pulling her blanket further up around her, she too finally succumbed to sleep.

Minji opened her eyes, blinking as the pilot’s voice, announcing that they were about to land over the aeroplane tannoy, woke her up. She didn’t move from her position, content in the comfortable placement that she had found herself in, which was rare when she slept on a flight. 

Debussy’s “Clair de Lune” played through her headphones, still firmly in place over her ears, the beautiful piano piece providing the perfect backdrop as next to her Danielle raised the window blind in preparation for landing, the light streaming in immediately. 

Minji couldn’t see her face directly, but the faint reflection in the window, as the plane veered in a different direction and the sun moved behind them, revealed Dani’s awestruck expression at the view of Paris as they flew over the city, her eyes wide and a smile on her lips. 

Minji seemed unable to look away from the glass echo of Danielle’s face, the ethereal music in her ears reflected in what her eyes were also taking in. Whilst what she was listening to depicted beauty in the light of the moon, she was looking directly at beauty in the light of the sun, the juxtaposition not lost on her. 

Through the same reflection, Danielle watched Minji watching her, silently wondering what the older girl was thinking.

Chapter Text

“Wow, this is gorgeous,” Danielle said, wheeling her suitcase in and staring around their shared hotel room in wonder. Their company had clearly spared no expense, splashing out to allow the two girls to lounge in luxury for the days that they were there. 

“Yeah, what an incredible view,” Minji agreed, staring out of the window at the familiar sight that greeted her. She felt so at home, like her soul had been rooted here in a previous life, surrounded by art, language and culture. She loved her Korean heritage more than anything, but she definitely also had a special place in her heart for Paris.

“How much time do we have before we’re picked up for the shoot?” Danielle asked, taking off her jewellery. “I really need to freshen up, I stink.”

Minji walked up to her friend and took a long sniff of her neck.

“You don’t smell too bad,” she said, throwing her a smile as she walked towards the beds. “Which one do you want?”

A flush had crept up Dani’s neck, beginning to blotch her cheeks and she struggled to find the words to answer for a few seconds.

“Um…it…it doesn’t matter. You choose,” she stuttered, before gathering herself and moving her stuff to the bed that Minji had left free.

“I think we have an hour, by the way,” Minji said, starting to unpack her bag and place everything in the provided wardrobe and chest of drawers. “You can shower first if you want. I’ll just finish unpacking and read while I wait.”

Dani opened her suitcase and took out what she needed to shower and a new set of clothes.

“You know, it never ceases to amaze me that you unpack immediately when we arrive somewhere,” she said, shaking her head in amusement. “I could never be as organised as you.”

“I wish it was a choice,” Minji said, half laughing. “If I don’t do it, I just get anxious and stressed until it’s done, so it’s a waste of time and energy to leave it longer.”

Danielle turned away from Minji, biting her tongue. She was worried about the older girl’s constant stresses, but this wasn’t the time to bring it up. She grabbed her stuff and headed to the bathroom. 

“I’ll be done in a bit,” she said, watching as Minji nodded in understanding, folding her clothes as perfectly as if she worked in a high-end clothing store and placing them into the drawers. 

After she was done, Minji picked up her book and opened the doors to the balcony, the fresh, fragrant spring air hitting her. She sat in one of the two seats, placing her water bottle on the table and opened her book where her beloved Ravenclaw bookmark was placed.

She was at one of the pivotal parts of the play, Act II, scene III, and she read with amusement, once again, as Benedick was tricked into believing that Beatrice is in love with him. Although this was one of her favourite reads, Minji always scoffed at the entire premise. How was it possible to not know that you are in love with one of your best friends, someone who you spend so much time, and share continuous banter with?

She chuckled to herself as she enjoyed the scene, sipping her water and relaxing in the warm sun.

“Min, can you pass my body cream from my bag please?” she heard Dani call from the bathroom. “I forgot that I put it in a different wash bag.”

“Sure, hang on,” Minji replied, getting up and heading into the room. She searched Dani’s suitcase until she found the container, and headed to the bathroom, knocking on the door lightly. 

Dani opened it wide, standing in nothing but a towel, her hair wet and gathered to one side.

“Thanks,” she said, taking the cream from Minji’s hands. “I would have come and gotten it myself, but with the balcony doors open, I didn’t want to risk showing Paris everything…just yet.”

She chuckled, then smirked, waiting for Minji to laugh along with her, but the older girl seemed frozen in place, her eyes wide. Dani waited, but still the awkward silence stretched on.

“Min?”

Minji blinked slowly, as Danielle reached out and took off her glasses as they began steaming up in a cartoonish manner. Clearing her throat, Minji quickly snatched her glasses from Dani’s hands and turned to walk away, muttering about getting her stuff ready for her own shower.

Dani watched her friend’s strange behaviour as she closed the door, wondering what had gotten into her.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here,” Dani said, excitedly grabbing Minji’s hand. 

They were in L'Arboretum de Paris, the beautiful, luscious botanical garden just outside of the centre of the city. They’d finished with hair and make-up and had just been given their brief for what the creative director, Raul Martinez, wanted for today’s shoot. “It’s so beautiful.”

“It is.” Minji couldn’t help, but smile along with her younger friend, her eyes full of wonder and her exhilaration contagious. “I think you’ll love it.”

A short while later, Danielle was pulled away from Minji to do her solo shoot for the day. Raul called out the different actions and poses that he wanted her to do and Dani, being the professional that she was, nailed everything that was asked of her.

Minji watched from behind the camera as Danielle burst into laughter at a shot that had been ruined by her swatting at a passing bee. The light behind her was perfect, rays of sunlight hitting her at every angle and accentuating her stunning look. 

She looked so incredibly beautiful, her smile even brighter than the sun. Minji couldn’t take her eyes off of her, mesmerised as Dani was bathed in the golden light, noticing that the timpanis were back and drumming incessantly in her chest again, the sudden increased tempo throwing her off-beat. 

Why did this keep happening?

Her thumb went to her ring, mindlessly spinning it as she struggled to understand her own emotions.

Danielle was enjoying herself, finding the shoot to be a fun time with the director and crew so easy-going. As she posed, she could see Minji behind the camera, her gaze intense as she watched her. All of a sudden, a bee flew at her face and she swatted at it, breaking the pose that she was in. She giggled, finding the bee cute and the photographer, chuckling along with her, only made her laugh harder. She turned and locked eyes with Minji, the way that she was staring at her sending electricity down her spine. 

They held each other’s gaze for a while, Danielle confused by her own shallow breathing all of a sudden. What was going on? Why was Minji looking at her with what could honestly only be described as longing ? 

Suddenly, Minji pulled her eyes away and turned her head, walking towards a chair to the side of the set and taking out her book, burying herself in it. Dani turned her attention back to the job at hand, falling straight back into her role and finishing off her solo shoot without any more interruptions. 

When she looked back up, Minji was gone. 

Whilst Minji was doing her solo shoot, Dani decided to take a quick walk around the gardens to clear her head. The strange tension between her and Minji had yet to clear and it was bothering her. 

Minji was always a ball of anxiety, either unravelling chaotically or wrapping herself tighter into knots, keeping all of her emotions locked away until she exploded. The latter usually resulted in a bout of deep cleaning of the apartment or spending every spare moment she had on the badminton court, training into the early hours of the morning. 

However, this seemed to be different. She wasn’t exactly spinning out, but there was definitely something making her keep her distance and Danielle desperately wanted to reach her and close that gap. 

She rounded the corner of a perfectly pruned topiary display and could see Minji in the distance, moving as gracefully as the wind through her poses, Raul barely having to say anything. She stood still, watching her and hummed the melody that wouldn’t leave her head, a few more notes coming to mind to extend the musical phrase. She took out her phone to record the melody, a couple walking past, hand in hand, warmly smiling at her as she did, as if they understood. She labelled it “Melody ext/2- L'Arboretum de Paris”. 

She continued walking slowly back, but then stopped again, raising the phone in her hand and opening the notes app. 

“You keep yourself at a distance,

But I feel your presence right here. 

Why won’t you let me in?”

The lyrics came to her at once and she quickly typed them into the app, before closing it and putting her phone back in her pocket, continuing her way back to the shoot. 

Minji spotted her and gave her a quick smile, before turning her attention back to the camera and this time, Danielle didn’t miss the way that her heart beat out a quick staccato rhythm before returning to its steady pulse. 

After a break for the crew to have lunch and for the girls to eat, change outfits and have their hair and make-up re-done, it was time for the last part of the shoot for the day where Minji and Dani would be paired together. Dani was dressed head to toe in beige and burgundy Burberry and Minji in classic red Chanel, both in matching low heeled shoes by their respective designers.

“I swear they want me to break my ankle running around these plants in these shoes,” Minji complained quietly to Dani, as they caught their breath behind a topiary shaped like a harp.

It turned out that the topiary exhibition that Danielle had previously strolled around was Greek Mythology based, the bushes trimmed and pruned into various gods, goddesses and the weapons, instruments and other items associated with them. Dani was mystified as to how she had missed that fact as she had walked around it earlier, but now she and Minji had to chase each other in between the leafy statues, acting playful and coy. 

Dani smirked at Minji’s discomfort, finding her own shoes perfectly acceptable to run around in. 

“I’m sure you’ll survive, you big baby. We’ve definitely had far worse.”

Minji scowled at her, snapping her head towards the director as he instructed her to chase Dani around Cerberus with her face mimicking one of his gnashing heads. Dani laughed at Minji’s horrified expression, but she quickly masked it and they set off to make the image come alive.

“Alright girls, take a quick breath whilst we get the props for the final shots of the day,” Raul called. “You’re doing amazing, we won’t be here much longer.”

Both Minji and Dani stretched out their backs and limbs as they waited for their next instructions.

“I wonder what props we need,” Minji mused out loud. “We haven’t used anything at all so far.” 

She didn’t have to wait long to find out, a crew member walking towards the centre of the gardens, with a blanket draped over his arm and carrying a bowl of strawberries and cherries. 

Minji’s mouth went dry as she watched them set up in front of a very familiar figure, the blanket laid out in front of the one leg that it was standing on. She subtly glanced at Dani and noticed that she seemed to be having a similar reaction, her throat giving away her thick swallow. It would be fine-they were friends and specialists in their field, an easy task.

“Okay, so as you can see, we’re in front of our boy Eros, so we’re going for a soft, romantic vibe here, obviously,” the director said, grinning. “Danielle, I want you to sit on the blanket and Minji will lay on it with her head in your lap to start with.”

The two girls just nodded silently.

“Your expressions need to give the impression of new love, discovery, the innocent joy of being with the one that you’re head over heels in love with. Okay?” 

Minji and Danielle nodded again.

“Try not to look too miserable about it,” the director laughed, clapping his hands. “I’m sure you can muster up those emotions from somewhere. Alright, just play around with it a little and we’ll see what we get.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Dani could see Minji’s hands fidgeting, her fingers balling repeatedly into half fists. She couldn’t close them properly with the nails that she had on and even worse, she of course didn’t have her ring to spin, causing her other tics to start showing. Honestly, she understood how she felt.

Something about this was profoundly nerve-wracking, though she wasn’t sure why. She had done shoots where she’d had to be close to Minji many times over the last four years, but for some reason, this one felt loaded. It was probably just because of the tension that was between them at the moment, so she wasn’t as comfortable portraying what they were asking for when they weren’t exactly in their best space, but they were here to work and it had to be done. They’d be fine once they got over themselves.

Pushing through her thoughts, Dani sat down on the soft blanket in front of the Eros topiary, noticing all of the props around them, including an old-school transistor radio, a bottle of sparkling grape juice and two glass flutes. The blanket had been sprinkled with heart confetti in red and pink to add to the scene and Dani closed her eyes to visualise what it was they were going for with the shoot. It was a beautiful set-up, so she allowed herself to just take a deep breath, calm down and enjoy it for what it was-a photoshoot for one of the most notable magazines in the world. Nothing else.

Opening her eyes, she saw Minji staring at her, seemingly waiting for an invitation to sit down. She looked a lot paler than usual and she could see the tension in her body, the vein in her neck standing out more prominently, whilst her right index finger tapped incessantly on the back of her left hand. Danielle felt sorry for her, knowing the anxiety must be really bad for her to be in this state in a professional setting, so she raised her hand for her to take.

“Come on, Min, lay down,” she said, softly, offering her rigid friend a smile. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, okay?”

Minji wasn’t so sure about that. Taking in the sight before her, Danielle sitting gracefully on the blanket surrounded by hearts, smiling that smile at her, with a backdrop of an opulent Eros shooting his infamous arrow, it hit Minji that there was, in fact, a lot to be afraid of.

She forced a smile onto her face and walked over to Dani, taking her hand and, being careful with her outfit, positioned herself so that she was laying down with her head in Dani’s lap. 

“Okay, positioning is good, let’s see some movement,” the director called.

Danielle looked down at Minji’s face, stress evident all over it, her eyes closed as if she were scared to open them. She reached over and stroked her jaw gently, trying to relax her. The sooner they got the shots that they needed, the sooner they could get out of here. With her free hand, she unclasped Minji’s that were locked over her stomach and tried to angle one into a position that would look good, tracing her fingers over the palm and trying to keep the movements delicate.

“Well, ladies, you’re going to have to get those frightened looks off of your faces for a start,” the director laughed. 

Feeling Dani making the effort, Minji tried to just go along with what she was doing, not wanting to let down her friend and working partner. She allowed a smile to grace her lips and softened her face, though she didn’t dare to open her eyes. She knew it would just heighten her current feelings and that would be no good at all.

Dani watched Minji deep breathing, the smile appearing on her full lips as she stroked her hair and cheek. The red hair band she was wearing stood out starkly against her dark hair and made her features even more striking. 

God, she is so damn beautiful.  

Dani felt her heart banging against her ribcage. If Minji opened her eyes, those alluring, perfectly brown eyes, and looked up at her, she was sure that she’d be lost. And just like that, all of a sudden the cogs in her brain began to turn, building note after note until it hit her like a Tristan chord-the reason the tension between the two girls was so taut. Her feelings for Minji were a lot deeper than she’d thought…and Minji had known before she did? Is that why she was being more distant?

“This isn’t working,” the director abruptly shouted over, disrupting both of their thoughts. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, seeming frustrated for the first time that day. Of course, he had no idea that both Danielle and Minji were going through their own personal emotional turmoil, but they needed to get these photos taken right now. “Right, let’s add music to the background and see if that can evoke some sort of emotion out of the two of you.”

He came over and put his phone out of sight by the radio that was by Dani’s knee.

“I know you can do this, guys. We need to get these shots before the light starts to go and the conditions change, so…please…just tap in, alright?”

Both girls nodded, Danielle determinedly and Minji, less so, chewing on her lip and jiggling her foot anxiously. The dreamlike opening notes flowed out of the phone, the hidden position making it seem as if the sound was coming out of the radio, and it seeped into the scenery around them, spiriting them away into a world amongst the clouds.

Dani picked up a strawberry, the perfect deep shade of red to match Minji’s clothing and accents.

“I’m going to feed you a strawberry, Min,” she whispered to Minji, whose eyes were again closed. “Open your mouth slowly.”

Minji did as she was told, feeling Dani’s hand run gently through her hair and after a short while felt the strawberry touch her lips. She took a bite, the juice running down her chin.

“Already better!” the director said, back in position.

“You look like a vampire,” Dani said quietly, as she fixated on the trail of juice. “A really beautiful, sexy vampire.”

Her breath caught as she watched Minji part her plump lips to breathe a little harder, her chest heaving. The music had done its job, bringing out the feeling that they were alone on their own flight through a dream, no longer being watched by anyone else. Feeling more bold, Danielle ran her finger leisurely up Minji’s chin and over her lower lip, gathering the juice before sliding her finger halfway into her mouth.

As she closed her lips around Dani’s finger, Minji slowly opened her eyes, staring straight into Dani’s, the girl above her watching her curiously. She didn’t know why she was so willing to do it, but she sucked the juice off Dani’s finger anyway. Momentarily forgetting where they were, she swirled her tongue around it, her lower stomach flipping as she watched Danielle watching her.

Dani was mesmerised by what was happening, as she withdrew her finger slowly, biting her own lip, still staring at her friend.

“Okay, switch it up!” the director’s voice once again blasted through their thoughts, but this time it didn’t shatter the illusion, the building music still carrying them.

Minji sat up, curling her knees to one side, straightening her outfit and hair. Dani followed her lead, mirroring her movements and position. She giggled shyly as Minji picked up one of the paper hearts and held it out to her with both hands.

“You’re such an idiot, do you know that?” she laughed, taking the heart and trying not to melt at the cute, dopey look on Minji’s face when she did, just relieved that they were both a bit more relaxed. 

They were now sitting face to face and much closer than before, their fingers on one hand intertwined, and with nowhere to hide under the spread of Eros’ wings, floating on the climactic high brought to them by the stirring string instrument, their emotions were laid bare.

Minji picked up a cherry, taking charge this time, and posed with it in her hand, glancing towards the camera, whilst Dani laughed fondly at how ridiculous, yet utterly perfect, she looked. The taller girl tucked a few strands of hair that had escaped behind Dani’s ear, letting the tip of her finger linger on the rim, before bringing her hand down to rest on her waist. With the other, she brought the cherry up to Dani’s mouth, tracing it slowly around her lips before Dani opened them and took the cherry between her teeth, Minji still holding onto the stem. Spontaneously, and again forgetting where they were, she walked her fingers over Dani’s arm, then shoulder, before resting her palm on her collarbone, feeling her chest flinch in anticipation.

Minji ran her finger slowly up the centre of Dani’s throat and tilted her chin upwards as she raised the cherry slightly higher, bringing Dani with her, her teeth still clenched around it.

“Bite,” Minji commanded and Dani followed her order, biting into the flesh of the cherry as Minji held onto the stem firmly. “You look perfect like this.”

Danielle, who had been looking down at Minji’s hand holding the stem, flicked her eyes upwards to meet Minji’s gaze and they both stilled, recognising the feeling that was passing between them, the familiar heat and spark, the overflow of chemistry, a feeling that they’d felt four years ago.

Minji’s eyes immediately changed, the passion and intensity disappearing and her hand releasing the stem, leaving Dani to finish the cherry in her own way. The older girl shuffled back slightly and started posing in a much more traditional way, her rigidity returning and refusing to meet Dani’s eye, sending a wave of hurt through the younger girl, who wondered what she had done wrong.

Thankfully, the director and photographer had captured enough and called for an end to the shoot. Before Danielle had the chance to say anything, Minji jumped up and stalked off, stating a need for the restroom as the reason, leaving Dani sitting alone on the blanket.

After they had gotten changed and said their thanks to all of the crew for their hard work, the two girls headed back to where their car was waiting to take them back to the hotel. It was even more awkward than it had been before, Minji saying nothing as she churned in her thoughts, spinning her ring relentlessly now that it was back on her finger. Danielle kept glancing at her out of the corner of her eye, desperate for her to say something, anything to make her feel that it wasn’t her fault that things were like this. For a while back there, she had thought that maybe whatever was going on with her might have been mutual, but it seemed from Minji’s cold reception, that was not the case.

“Hang on, I forgot something,” she called to Minji, who barely spared a glance back. Running back to the set, Dani looked around for the director, finding him looking through the film for the day. Raul turned around, surprised to see Danielle back there.

“Well, hello again, Ms Marsh. Did you forget something?” he asked.

“No, no I just wanted to ask something, if you don’t mind?” Dani answered, continuing when Raul nodded his assent. “What was the name of the piece of music that was playing during the last part of the shoot?”

Raul gave her a knowing smile, Danielle feeling the blush spread across her cheeks at being so easy to read.

“Memorable, was it?” he said, still smiling at the younger woman. “It certainly did seem to make a difference to the shoot today, though I do remember using the word innocent .”

“Y-yes, it’s really beautiful and I wanted to listen to it again, find out more about it,” Danielle replied, her blush deepening, as Raul nodded.

“It’s called “Après une Rêve” by Gabriel Fauré. It’s a vocal piece, but the version you heard was an arrangement for the cello performed by Yo-yo Ma,” Raul filled her in as she typed the information into her phone. “You’re right, it is a really beautiful piece. I hope it helps you to get what you want.”

Danielle frowned at him in confusion, but, once again, he just smiled at her, an enigmatic look in his eye.

“My co-director is taking over tomorrow as I have to fly to the States. I look forward to working together again in the future, Ms Marsh. Take care.”

“Thank you,” Danielle said, humbly. “I really hope we can, too. Bye Mr Martinez.”

Dani turned and ran back to where Minji was waiting, feeling a little lighter than she had done before. 

After the shoot they’d had a quiet dinner in their room, watching mindless TV in French and providing their own commentary. Utterly exhausted from the day, Minji was now reading on her bed, engrossed again in Beatrice’s and Benedick’s relationship and how they were still unable to recognise their true feelings for each other. She looked over her book at Danielle, who was sitting in the chair on the balcony, one foot up on the opposite chair, her legs looking deceptively long in the faint moonlight.

The younger girl was humming the same melody over and over again, one that Minji had heard her hum several times throughout the day, and was trying to work out some chords on her travel guitar, her brows furrowed in deep concentration. 

Minji felt drawn to the scene, the melody accompanied by the guitar pulling her in. She stood behind Dani, leaning on the balcony railing, as she listened, the night view of Paris fitting perfectly with the music.

Dani could feel Minji’s presence behind her, but as she was once again not saying anything to her, she wasn’t going to acknowledge her. Instead, she added the new lyrics, that she had written on the car ride back to the hotel, to the extended melody and began working out a finger-picking style that would match until she could get back home to the studio.

“You keep yourself at a distance,

But I feel your presence right here.

Why won’t you let me in?”

1421 days,

A question with no answer,

An ending with nowhere to begin.”

Danielle didn’t know how closely Minji was listening to the lyrics, but she sang them clearly anyway, hoping that something would pierce the shield that she had put up. She had to try to reach her.

“Minji, what’s going on?” she asked, without turning around. There was no answer, but the sounds from the traffic below and the light rustling of the wind. She waited, listening to the familiar sound of metal spinning on metal, until she hung her head again.

“I’m going to bed,” the older girl said from behind her. “You should too, D, it’s been a long day.”

“Okay,” Dani said, the disappointment dripping from her voice. “Goodnight Min.”

“Goodnight, D,” Minji replied quietly, before padding back into the room, getting into bed and turning her back to the balcony.

Dani wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. This was not the trip that she thought that she’d be having.

Chapter Text

Danielle opened her eyes to a beautiful golden haze over the room, a gentle breeze blowing over her face from the window. She sighed in contentment, her eyes taking in the view of the Eiffel Tower as the sun rose, standing tall above the Parisian rooftops. She had never taken herself for one of those that cared about tourist attractions, but she couldn’t help but marvel at the iron structure that stood as a symbol of the city. 

Minji had promised that she would take her up to the top for the view, even though she herself was not too fond of heights. After the weirdness of yesterday, Danielle couldn’t wait to get out and explore more, though they also had the second part of their shoot that day. They were free for a couple of hours in the morning and then hopefully, they’d finish with time for them to at least take a walk and see some of the beauty of the city. Without the pressure of working, Dani hoped that herself and Minji could just enjoy each other’s company and get back to acting naturally around each other.

Turning her head she saw that Minji was still asleep in the bed next to her, snoring lightly, even through the sunlight that was shining directly on her face. She watched her for a while, feeling at peace and finding herself humming the same melody that she had now built upon, knowing that meant that it was already integral to whatever she was going to compose in the end. Whether it stayed as the verse or expanded into another part of the song, she was not yet sure.

Just as she was about to look away, Minji’s eyelids fluttered and then opened slowly, her brown eyes suddenly staring directly into Dani’s. 

“What is it that you keep humming?” Minji asked, her voice full of sleep. 

Danielle’s face turned crimson at being caught staring at her friend and she coughed as she turned away, pushing herself up.

“Oh nothing, just a little melody that’s in my head,” she said, combing her fingers through her hair. “How did you sleep?”

Minji stretched, then groaned as her joints realigned themselves, chuckling at Dani grimacing when she cracked her neck and knuckles.

“Really good, actually. It’s been a while since I got a full night’s sleep,” she sat up and felt around the bedside table for her glasses, putting them on. “Do you want to go out for breakfast? I know a really nice place that isn’t too busy. Their baguette cannot be beaten.”

Dani’s face lit up at the prospect of having an authentic Parisian breakfast.

“Oh my god, yes!” she squealed. “Is it far from here?”

“Not really, only about a 15 minute walk. We can get picked up from there instead,” Minji said, smiling at Dani’s excitement. After the off energy yesterday, and how she had left the younger girl on the balcony, she felt bad and decided that she needed to make the effort to do what she had promised: show Dani her favourite sides of the city and why she loved it so much. She hopped off the bed. “I’ll go and get ready quickly.”

Dani got up and made her own bed, tidying their room up a bit so that they’d be able to leave as soon as she herself was ready. Minji seemed lighter this morning. Perhaps all of the strain had come from exhaustion after the long flight and having to go straight to work.

She walked out to the balcony and leant on the railing, looking out at the city as the birds chirped in the warm sun, singing their hearts out happily. Dani let the sun shine on her face, the running water from the shower adding a beautifully percussive accompaniment to the melodious birdsong. 

She had a feeling that this was going to be a good day.

“Oh my god, this omelette is to die for!” Dani exclaimed, closing her eyes as she savoured the flavour. She opened them to take a sip of her freshly squeezed orange juice. “And you were right about the bread. I have never had a baguette that tastes this good before. And the butter?”

She closed her eyes again, lost in the taste sensations that she had always dreamt about experiencing. Minji watched her, happy that she could share one of her favourite places with someone else, and honestly, she was glad that it was Danielle.

“I’m glad that you like it, D,” she said, genuinely. “It really is one of my favourite spots in the city.”

“Thank you for bringing me here, then,” Dani said, smirking. “I know how much you actually hate sharing your things.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Minji protested. “That’s absolutely not true.”

“Oh really?” Dani sat back and crossed her arms in amusement. “What about that quaint bookstore that you stumbled on across town back home?”

“Okay, one place,” Minji said, rolling her eyes.

“The record store that allows you to chill and listen to vinyls with coffee?”

“Well-”

“That awesome house museum of Asian Linguistic history that you found and then didn’t tell me about, even when I asked if you knew of any places in Seoul like that?” Dani continued, amused as Minji shrunk with each defeat. 

“In my defence…” Minji began.

“Uh huh?” Dani raised her eyebrow, ready for the rebuttal. 

“It wasn’t actually in Seoul,” Minji finished proudly, grabbing another piece of bread and lathering it in butter. Dani’s mouth fell open.

“That’s it? That’s your great defence?” she said, snorting.

“Okay, fine,” Minji conceded, shoving the piece of bread into her mouth. “Look, it’s not that I intentionally hate sharing things, it’s that I seem to have an irrational issue with it. It doesn’t make any sense, because why would I want to gate-keep any of those places that I’ve found.”

“Hmm yeah. Do you remember when you discovered London Grammar and you wouldn’t shut the fuck up about them?” Dani added. “Then when Hanni and I tried to get into them too, you sulked and acted like a complete weirdo about it.”

“Sadly, I do remember,” Minji said, chewing her lower lip, somewhat embarrassed. “I honestly don’t know what makes me act out like that sometimes.”

“I think I do,” Dani said, cautiously, not wanting to say anything to risk how smoothly the day was going. “It’s about control, Min. You’re so afraid of losing control over your own thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences, that you often try to keep a tight hold of them. I’m no therapist, but I’m pretty sure that you do have some sort of fear of loss.”

Minji listened, resisting the urge to suddenly flee the cafe, feeling ripped open by Dani’s words, yet at the same time not wanting to leave the blanket of security that she felt when she was around her.

“You know, D, even though you and I have barely been able to spend much time together, you always seem to know me so well. Why is that?”

The depth of the question and the vulnerability in Minji’s eyes threw Dani off-kilter, her stomach flipping and clenching over and over again.

“I-I don’t know,” Dani answered, rattled. “I think that I’m just observant, or at least I am when it comes to y-”

She stopped herself in the middle of the final word of her sentence. What she had been about to say could open a box that needed to be kept closed right now. The lid kept creeping open, but she just wasn’t ready to rip it off just yet. She coughed to cover herself.

“When it comes to you guys. Not so much when it comes to myself, as you know.”

She laughed a shallow laugh and Minji narrowed her eyes, clearly not quite buying her act, but seemingly just as unwilling to compromise the day either. 

“Yeah…so as I was saying, I think that so many of the little things that you do, not to mention the bigger ones, are totally connected to you just needing to feel in control,” Dani concluded. The constant mentions of the word control caused her to have a flashback to the photoshoot the day before and she quickly decided that they needed to move on to lighter topics before the box exploded completely. “Anyway, I hope that we have time to do a few things later today. They said the shoot wouldn’t be as long today, right?”

Danielle sipped her coffee, as she realised that Minji hadn’t spoken in several minutes, quietly listening to her talk instead. Raising her eyes to the older girl, she found a fond smile on her lips, her eyes crinkled with warmth. 

“They said only a few hours, as it’s not as extensive a shoot as yesterday’s. Then, as promised, I’ll accompany you wherever you wish.”

“Really? You’re going to take me up the Eiffel Tower?” Danielle said gleefully, finishing off her omelette.

“You sure you wouldn’t prefer a bed?” Minji replied deadpan, hiding her smile within her chewing, as Dani furrowed her brows, trying to figure her response out. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers as the realisation hit her.

“Minji!”

“What?” Minji feigned innocence through her cheeky smirk. “Are you not going to answer the question, D?”

Danielle watched Minji chug her orange juice, so pleased with herself for successfully catching Dani off-guard. Well, two could play that game! Leaning forward, she ran her finger agonisingly slowly along Minji’s long middle finger on the table, noticing her nervously swallow a large gulp of juice, eyeing Dani over her glass.

“I’d let you take me anywhere you wanted, Min,” she said, dropping her voice by several levels. “Is that the answer that you wanted to hear?”

Dani finished by smiling sweetly whilst holding Minji’s gaze, as she spluttered into her glass. She put it down swiftly as she immediately erupted into a coughing fit. Danielle watched with satisfaction until Minji regained herself.

“Damn…you win,” Minji conceded, putting the now empty hand up in surrender. Their eyes locked and as no words were being exchanged, the silence was immensely charged, until Minji glanced down at their hands. Danielle’s hand was now resting on top of Minji’s, her thumb tucked under her friend’s and Dani had no idea when she had even done that. She snatched it back quickly and Minji pulled hers back, placing it on her lap under the table.

“Um…we’d better call the driver,” Minji said, avoiding eye contact with her friend, who was doing her very best to also do the same. “Eat up, D. You shouldn’t be working without a full stomach, plus we can’t let this delicious food go to waste.”

“Okay.”

Danielle didn’t dare say anything else because she didn’t trust the words that would come out of her mouth at that moment, so instead, she filled it with the bacon and bread that she had left, her mind whirring. When Minji picked up her phone to message the driver, she took her own out of her pocket and opened the notes app, typing quickly so as not to raise Minji’s suspicions.

“Your care for me breaks through your shield,

You’re in control, to you I’ll yield.”

She put her phone away and drank the last of her coffee, as Minji finished her food and drained her cup and glass of their liquids. Danielle watched as she made eye contact with the server and when he came over, somehow spoke in perfect French to ask for the bill. 

“What’s the split amount?” Dani asked, but Minji just scoffed back at her, the charm of her lopsided smirk silencing Danielle’s protests.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” the older girl said, tapping her card on the reader to pay the full amount. 

Danielle looked on as Minji continued to communicate with the server. When on earth did she learn fluent French and how the fuck was she so good at everything? She leant forward and placed her head on her hands as she observed Minji in her element, entranced by the confidence she exuded. How could someone so polished, so effortlessly self-assured on the outside, also be the complete tangled mess of anxiety that Dani saw so often? 

Minji was an enigma, protected by complex armour made purely of brambles and the closer you got to her heart, the more thorns you had to fight. Yet, Danielle was starting to realise that she might just be willing to deal with the tearing of her skin in order to cut her way through.

The girls worked extra hard on their shoot so that they could be done as soon as possible, following every direction to the tee to make sure they nailed each shot quickly. Neither could hide their relief that it was nowhere near as intense as it had been the day before, the shoot mostly involving posing in front of the beautiful and unique murals of the 13th Arrondissement, which tapped into their more natural, relaxed sides. 

It was also ideal as Dani had really wanted to visit the area and spend time enjoying the artwork, so once the shoot was complete and all their thanks had been extended, they wandered around, taking photos of the vibrant coloured murals and graffiti.  

They stopped to listen to a street musician playing a piece that Dani had heard many times, but had never known the name of. The pianist was an older woman, maybe already in her 80s, but her hands moved with youthful grace, playing from memory with her eyes closed, her entire body moving with the emotion of the music. When she’d finished, Dani and Minji joined in the rapturous applause before moving in to add some money to her tartan flat cap on the ground.

“Do you know what that piece is called?” Dani asked Minji, whose classical music knowledge far outweighed her own. “It’s always intrigued me, but I’ve never quite been able to catch the name of it. There’s something old, almost ritualistic about it, hypnotic.”

Minji smiled softly, also affected by the music.

“There’s actually a reason you feel that way,” She bounced up and down on her toes, then leaned in towards Dani as if she were about to share a massive secret. “The original score was actually written with no bar lines, so it allows the musician to interpret it more freely, allowing for that push-and-pull feel to affect the listener. Also, the playing instructions are almost poetic, rather than being strict.”

“And it’s called…?” Danielle coaxed, bringing Minji back to her original question, though she was fully engaged in Minji’s passionate explanation.

“Oh, sorry,” Minji chuckled, sheepishly. “It’s Eric Satie’s Gnossienne No. 1. Oh and also, the word ‘Gnossienne’ didn’t actually seem to exist before he used it for his compositions. It’s theorised that it might come from the Greek word “gnosis” for like, mystical knowledge or maybe from Knossos’ Labyrinth, you know, that held the Minotaur, which could explain why you sense something ancient when you hear it.”

When she’d finally finished, Danielle just stared affectionately at her for a few moments.

“You’re so damn adorable, do you know that?” She bumped Minji’s shoulder playfully, as Minji just grinned. “Thank you.”

They continued walking around for a while longer, taking in as much of the culture as they were able.

“Is there an area where tourists can draw or graffiti freely?” Dani asked Minji, as she paused to drag the taller girl into a photo with her. “I’d quite like to leave my mark here.”

“No, I don’t think you can do that anywhere around here,” Minji said. She thought for a moment. “But you can in Place du Tertre over in Montmartre. It’s on the other side of town though, so it would take us forever to get there by foot, especially if you still want to go to the Eiffel Tower today.”

Danielle’s face fell and she looked so genuinely sad, that Minji immediately reworked her mindset.

“We can rent bikes and cycle across town, if you want. Then we still get to see the city, rather than taking the train,” she suggested, brightly. Dani’s face immediately lit up again at the thought.

“Oh my god, that’s perfect,” she said, that smile breaking out all over her face before pulling Minji into a tight hug, basically crushing her and knocking her glasses askew. Minji didn’t mind and just melted into the hug, warmed that she was able to make Dani happy. The younger girl pulled back suddenly, her features crinkled.

“Wait, what about that bookstore that you wanted to go to?” she said, fixing Minji’s glasses straight on the bridge of her nose and then started on her windblown hair. “That dorky one? I don’t want to dictate absolutely everything that we do.”

Minji was enjoying Dani fussing over her and didn’t want her to stop, letting her do whatever she wanted with her hair. 

“Oh, Shakespeare and Company? It’s actually on the way. We can cycle across town to it first, go down the road to Notre-Dame, if you want, and then head over to Montmartre.”

Dani pulled back to look at her, not saying anything, a strange look on her face, one that Minji had seen before. Was she about to kiss her, right here in the middle of the street?

Her mouth went dry as she tried to work out what she would do, all the while never breaking the intense eye contact that they held. She decided to speak instead.

“What are you looking at?” she said, her voice coming out as a whisper. Danielle tilted her head, letting her fingers trail down Minji’s temple, over her cheek and turning her hand to cup her chin, dragging her thumb slowly over the edge of her full upper lip. Minji’s heart began its timpani beat, accelerating, though this tempo and rhythm was new and unfamiliar, the syncopation throwing her off. 

“Just…you,” Dani replied, her voice equally as quiet. She leant in and kissed Minji on the cheek, the corner of her mouth brushing the edge of Minji’s as she lingered a little longer than necessary, feeling the taller girl exhale heavily against her own cheekbone. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Minji’s entire neck and face was tinged pink, her hand reaching for her ring. Dani spotted this and took her hand gently, preventing her from accessing the piece of jewellery and instead ran her finger repeatedly around one of Minji’s as a replacement.

“It’s okay, Min. It’s only me,” she smiled softly at her. 

Minji didn’t have the heart or the words to tell Dani that she was the problem. She pushed her feelings down and smiled back at her friend.

“Let’s go find those bikes.”

Chapter Text

Cycling across Paris in the beautiful spring weather would now be added as one of Danielle’s lifelong favourite memories. It was definitely helped by the fact that she was accompanied by one of the most beautiful women in the world, in her humble opinion. Watching Minji navigate and lead them across the city, whilst constantly checking that Dani was alright, as they passed stunning architecture and bustling streets made her heart swell, feeling truly happy for the first time in a long while. 

When they finally stopped around the corner from the Shakespeare and Company bookshop, Dani was breathless from the experience, her hair a complete mess as unlike the ever-organised Minji, whose hair was neatly tied back, it had not even remotely crossed her mind to bring a hair tie with her. Minji guffawed loudly when she spotted the windswept state Dani was in, her laughter ringing out across the street.

“You look amazing ,” she said, still grinning, as Dani desperately tried to finger-comb her hair into some semblance of decency.

“Shut up, will you?” Dani was sulking about her own lack of pre-thought, but how was she supposed to know that they were going to be whizzing about town? “Not everyone is as rigid and insanely over-the-top anal as you when it comes to these things.”

It was supposed to be a light-hearted comment, but Minji’s laughter cut off instantly as a flash of hurt crossed her face. Dani immediately felt bad and took a step towards her older friend. 

“Hey, Min, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” she said, putting a hand on Minji’s shoulder to let her know that she was being genuine.

“It’s okay, D, I know you didn’t mean any harm,” Minji said, but her sad smile betrayed her true feelings and Danielle knew that she had wounded her. She internally kicked herself as Minji turned away and took out her phone to lock the bike, prompting her to do the same.

There was already a long queue outside the bookstore and without another word to Dani, Minji crossed the road to join it. Dani ran after her and stood awkwardly by her side, this time allowing Minji to spin her ring as she needed, wondering instead how she could fix her mistake. She didn’t want to ruin an experience that Minji had been looking forward to, especially as her friend had made such an effort to make sure she was getting to do the things that she wanted to and was well looked after too.

“So, why is this bookshop so special?” she asked quietly, wanting to prove that she cared about Minji’s interests. “I’ve never heard of it before. Tell me about it.”

Minji’s eyes widened in appreciation and before she knew what was happening, Dani found herself in the middle of a history lesson about the store, as they inched closer to its entrance. She didn’t really care about the fact that it was an iteration of the original bookshop, nor which esteemed authors had been there before, but she found herself completely engrossed in Minji’s passionate oration, content to just listen. In all honesty, Dani could listen to Minji talk for hours, not just because her knowledge on all sorts of random and obscure subjects was extensive, but because her deep voice was so soothing to listen to. She could listen to her read an Australian telephone book from the 1980s and still find her sexy as hell.

“Dani?”

Danielle blinked back to the present moment, realising that her mind had drifted off to things that she was supposed to be resisting.

“I was listening, I swear,” she said, panicking that she’d ruined her redemption moment. To her relief, Minji just laughed softly.

“I believe you, D, but it’s okay if you got bored. I know that I can ramble on sometimes.”

“I like listening to you ramble,” Dani said, honestly. “You’re the smartest person that I know and that is deeply…”

She left the sentence hanging in the air, not quite ready to finish it.

“Deeply what?” Minji asked, oblivious to the conflict going on in Dani’s mind, but Dani just smiled coyly back at her.

“Nothing. Look we’re almost in,” Dani said, linking her arm through Minji’s and pulling her forward, noting the excitement on Minji’s face. “Wait…have you never been here before?”

“Oh I have, at least four times,” Minji stated. “But it’s still so fun every single time.”

“Four times?!” Dani exclaimed. “It’s a bookstore. It can’t possibly be that amazing.”

“You’ll see,” Minji said, knowingly. She was convinced that Dani would see the same charm that she did, even if not in all the same ways…and she was correct in that assumption. As they were allowed to enter, Minji watched as Danielle’s eyes grew and her mouth fell open when she looked around the quaint bookstore. 

“Wow, it’s so…”

“I know,” Minji filled in, pulling the younger girl, who was now blocking the way, through the shop. “Come on, let’s go and look around.”

For the next hour, the two of them browsed the shelves in each section of the store, perusing the spines of old and new titles alike, Dani gradually falling in love with the place as much as Minji had. Minji had been caught up looking for a specific work by Kierkegaard and went in search of Dani, her arms laden with a pile of books. 

When she reached the top step of the narrow staircase to the second floor, she stopped as Danielle came into her line of sight. Sitting in the chair by the window, she was reading, once again bathed in golden light streaming in from the outside, bringing out the reddish-brown in her hair. Minji stared at the younger girl and the proverbial winged creatures fluttered in her stomach as she read the title of the book that she was holding- “Much Ado about Nothing”.

As the timpani roll in her chest accelerated again, it was, this time, accompanied by a full orchestra, the strings swelling with frantically rising arpeggios, the French Horns crescendoing majestically into the foreground and when Dani turned to her, smiling, and their eyes met, the cymbals crashed gloriously, just once, signifying the final demise of her denial.

She had feelings for Dani, very strong feelings and deep down, she had known it for years. Four years to be precise.

Huh…what the fuck was she supposed to do now?

Minji decided that first she had to stay calm and not panic, because panicking had never once provided a solution to a problem. She just needed time to think because she could fix this. Danielle didn’t need to know anything. 

What if she already knows? Is that why she was acting the way that she was? To try to get a confession out of her?

“Excuse me, please,” a British tourist asked politely from behind her, interrupting her chain of thought and reminding Minji that she was blocking the top of the staircase.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, moving out of the way and dropping several of the books in her hand. She scrambled to pick them up without dropping any more and made her way towards Dani, who was laughing at her inability to act like a normal person. She’d have to figure this out later because her feet had taken her directly to the apparent object of her affection and she was now standing in front of her, looking awkward.

“Sit down, will you?” Dani said, looking at her as though she’d grown another head. “You’re being strange.”

Minji put her pile of books on the table between the two chairs, and sat down. If there was anything that she knew she was good at, it was being a master of masking her true feelings. She was an idol, after all.

“How come you’re reading that?” she asked, gesturing towards the play in Dani’s hands. “Thought you hated Shakespeare.”

“Oh, I absolutely do,” Dani said, sincerely. “But as you’ve been reading it with such fervour, I just wanted to skim some parts to see if I could gauge why you love it so much.”

This simple notion was so endearing that Minji found herself about to confess everything that she had only  just discovered about herself, struggling to keep her mouth closed and the intensifying orchestral notes contained within. 

“What are you smiling about, you weirdo?” Dani said, unable to resist smiling back at Minji’s odd behaviour. 

“Just…you,” Minji replied, the only words she could let out being a subconscious echo of the words Dani had said to her not even a couple of hours ago. They held their gaze for a while, before Danielle looked down, her cheeks pink and went back to her book. 

Minji watched her a while longer before picking up one of the books in her pile and opening it, glancing at Danielle occasionally and catching her doing the same every now and then. It was like they were strangers, both looking away shyly whenever their eyes met. A new warmth spread across Minji’s heart, one that she had never felt before and accompanying it was a curiosity to know what that meant.

On the other side of the table, Danielle flicked through the pages of “Much Ado about Nothing”, but she hadn’t read a single sentence since Minji had appeared at the top of the stairs. Everything that had happened today, from the moment Minji had opened her eyes and looked at her, to the moment she saw that lovable dork drop her books and the melody she was humming had lengthened into a new section, only confirmed her suspicions from the day before:

She had fallen deeply for Minji…very hard and very fast.

Having walked to, and spent some time in the Notre-Dame, taking the obligatory pictures, the girls hopped back on their bikes and cycled across town to Montmartre, Minji taking them on a particularly scenic route. They still had lots of time in the day left for what they planned to do, so they stopped off at a market stall selling crêpes and had lunch.

Danielle was once again in heaven, savouring her food.

“I can’t believe we actually get to be here,” she said, her mouth full. “It’s like we’re actually on a proper holiday. I bet the others will be so jealous.”

“Of course they will,” Minji replied, eating the last of her plain cheese crêpe. “Hyein and Hanni are always complaining that they never get to see any of the cities that they have had to work in.”

“Yeah, and Haerin really doesn’t care as much. She’d prefer to stay in and sleep,” Dani laughed. Looking over at Minji’s plate, she shook her head. “I can’t believe that you ordered the most boring crêpe there is. Not a single bit of colour on your plate.”

“Why would I ruin a perfectly good crêpe by adding vegetables and stuff?” Minji asked, disgusted at the mere suggestion. “I’d only end up picking them out, so that would be a waste.”

“You’re so cute,” Dani giggled, as Minji looked up at her questioningly, her cheeks bulging like a chipmunk. “Are you almost done?”

Minji nodded as she swallowed down the last bites of her food, scraping the parts of the crêpe that had looked un-uniform further to the side and neatly placing her wooden knife and fork together in the centre of the paper plate, placing her napkins on top of the pile to hide it.

Danielle had probably seen Minji do this routine a thousand times over the last six years, but had no idea where it stemmed from. There were so many things that Minji did that beguiled her, but she felt that it was intrusive to ask such questions. Maybe, now that they were getting closer…

“Min, can I ask you something personal?” Dani finally said, cautiously. Minji eyed her nervously.

“Sure,” she replied, slowly.

“Why do you always take exactly nine napkins whenever you eat out?” Dani asked, deciding to play it safe and ask something that might not be as deep. Minji chuckled, but then stopped as she frowned.

“I…I don’t actually know,” she said, her thick brows knitted in confusion. “You know I don’t like even numbers, but…I don’t actually know why it’s so important that it’s exactly nine. How did you even know that, D? I don’t even think Haerin would know that and she’s always with me.”

“It was one of the things that I noticed right before I bought you that …” Dani said, tilting her head and expression towards the ring that Minji was now spinning. “I knew you always took a lot, but then I started to count them each time and realised it was the exact same number.”

“Well, Ms Marsh, it seems that you have been watching me rather closely,” Minji said seriously, leaning forward in her chair. “I’d better be careful around you.”

Something about Minji’s deep tone affected Danielle’s entire body, goosebumps rising on the skin of her bare arms.

“I think it’s probably me who needs to be careful around you ,” she responded, subconsciously also leaning forward in her chair. 

“Why?” Minji asked, against her better judgement. 

Dani pondered on whether she should answer the question honestly or avoid it. She decided on the former-what did she really have to lose?

“When I’m around you, I seem to get lost in a labyrinth of your making. I’m drawn in, despite trying to stay away and am then confronted with riddles and puzzles designed by a mastermind of Kantian proportions. You are the most fascinating and complex person that I’ve ever met.”

“It sounds as though you want to study me,” Minji said, tilting her head and allowing a touch of hurt to seep into her voice.

“Maybe I do, Min,” Dani whispered, letting her eyes trail slowly over Minji’s lips, her throat and down to her chest before flicking back up to meet her waiting eyes. “Maybe I want to study every last bit of you.”

Minji’s breath caught in her throat, unable to break the intense gaze that she was held in. She was almost certain now that Danielle was only saying these things to get her to confess how she felt, but that didn’t stop her from reacting strongly, a spark firing off and running around her body like a current. She was vaguely aware that the famous bells of the Basilica du Sacré-Cœur de Montmartre were ringing, signifying that it was now Midday, but Dani’s last sentence had pierced her eardrums, rendering her practically deaf to anything else going on around her.

Danielle could see that her words had had the desired effect and suddenly jumped out of her seat, startling the entranced older girl. 

“Come on, show me where I can display my artistic skills,” she whined, pulling Minji out of her chair. “I want to get my art on.”

Minji was still dazed by their interaction as Dani dragged her around, cleaning their eating area. What in the name of fuck was going on? This was completely out of her wheelhouse and she did not know how to handle the emotions that were constantly threatening to spiral out of control. 

What she did know was that Danielle made her feel something that no other person had managed, only coming close to it on the stage or badminton court:

Truly alive.

“Hang on…you know Kant?” Minji said, coming out of her thoughts.

“I’m not a complete troglodyte, you know,” Dani laughed, rolling her eyes. “You’re not the only one who reads.” 

“But, still…Kant?” Minji said, in disbelief.

“Oh, for god’s sake, come on, will you?”

The sun was slowly starting its path west by the time that the two girls had pulled up their bikes close to the Eiffel Tower. After locking them again, they made their way over to the massive structure, chatting comfortably.

“What did you end up doodling on the wall?” Minji asked Dani as they waited in line to buy tickets. “I didn’t get to see yours.”

“Nothing much, just some silly cartoon,” Dani answered. “I didn’t get to see yours either, what did you do?” 

“Just wrote down some lame quote,” Minji said, quietly.

“Of course you did,” Dani shook her head fondly, the waves in her hair rippling. She noticed Minji staring at the iron landmark with apprehension. “Hey, thank you for coming with me to do this. I know how much you hate heights.”

Minji just smiled tightly back, clearly trying to hide how anxious she really was about it. She had vowed to herself when she had gone up there the first time that she visited Paris, that she would never do it again, yet here she was.

“It’s fine, D, I wouldn’t want you to experience this by yourself,” she said, steeling her nerves. “But I am absolutely not taking the stairs-up or down. My legs nearly gave way when I decided to run all the way down last time.”

“Why the fuck would you run down?” Dani said incredulously. “That sounds very unsafe and not very like you at all.”

“Right?!” Minji laughed loudly at the memory. “My logic told me that the faster I got to the bottom, the better. Logical, sure, but not very smart.”

“Well you don’t have to worry, I have zero intention of taking the stairs,” Dani said, looping her arm through Minji’s and dragging her towards the lifts. “Now stop stalling. Look at the sky, we’ve come at the perfect time. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Dani was looking at her so assuredly that Minji relinquished her control and allowed the younger girl to guide her through her fear.

In theory, Danielle had always thought the Eiffel Tower was a little cliché, having been showcased in a thousand films, books and television series-just too obvious, but something that she had to do because she was here. However, as she stood on the summit platform, with the sunset creating splashes of gold, pink and orange across the Parisian skyline, she had to admit that reality had totally ruined the theory.

Truthfully, it was breathtaking.

The city sprawled beneath them like a Monet painting, the Seine weaving throughout, shimmering with the beauty of the reflected sky on its surface, whilst the many church and cathedral spires stabbed at the actual sky, making it appear as though the last of the streams of sunlight were bleeding from it. It was windy at the top of the landmark, the strong breeze gently whipping around Dani’s arms and legs and she should have felt colder, but she hardly noticed it because beside her, tightly gripping on to the railing, stood Minji.

Minji, who looked the most beautiful that Danielle had ever seen her, the light chill in the air bringing a fresh rosy tint to her face.

Minji, who hadn’t said a single word since they had arrived at the summit, her fear unable to be kept at bay.

Minji, who, at that moment, decided to silently reach for Danielle’s hand, her fingers trembling, either from fright or anticipation, possibly both. She kept her head straight, refusing to look at Dani as she interlaced their fingers, but the way that her thumb stroked the soft skin of the back of the shorter girl’s hand spoke louder than any words could have.

Dani’s heart twisted at the touch, resisting the urge to cry as her heart ripped open. She swallowed hard, her fingers tightening around Minji’s instinctively as she too kept her gaze fixed on the sunset in front of them, though all of her thoughts were consumed by the girl by her side.

The air between them was thick with everything that they weren’t saying, everything that they hadn’t said in four years since that kiss in the practice room. Four years of avoiding each other, of silence and stolen glances, of pretending it had never happened, or worse, that it hadn’t meant anything.

But Danielle remembered every second of it.

The way that Minji’s plump lips had felt so soft against her own and her tongue had tasted of the Iced Hazelnut Americano that she’d been sneakily drinking during the rehearsal. The gentleness with which the taller girl had stroked her jaw and pulled her in closer by the waist. The way she had looked at her with that fierce intensity in her eyes, telling Danielle that she had wanted it as much as her.

They never talked about it, but perhaps they should have, especially after that second time…

Dani exhaled, barely aware of her own breathing as time continued to move slowly, the dissonance within her seemingly resolving with an imperfect cadence. Minji, beside her, still held on to her hand.

As the final traces of the sun slipped away, the sky deepened into stunning hues of violet and indigo, Van Gogh’s “Starry Night Over the Rhône” come to life, as the city below them lit up like candles. The voices of the other tourists and the clicks of their cameras filtered through occasionally from below them, as most were on the second floor, but up on the summit platform it was still, as if they were the only ones in the entire city. 

Eventually, Dani turned.

“Minji,” she whispered, but it sounded like a roar in the silence.

Minji’s shoulders flinched slightly, her jaw tightening at the sound of her name and what it might mean. She squeezed Dani’s hand, almost as if begging her not to continue, but she didn’t let go.

“Min, what are we doing?” Dani asked, softly.

The question was so quiet on the wind that it was barely audible, no hint of accusation to it, yet it hit Minji like a slap on an icy morning. Her brain whirred trying to come up with a response, any response that wasn’t going to cause complete chaotic destruction. She drew in a sharp breath and dropped her hand immediately. Danielle’s own hand fell limply at her side, feeling cold from the immediate loss.

Minji took a step back, her head bowed as every fear she had flooded her as she returned to her full senses, not only the fear of heights overwhelming her all of a sudden. She frantically spun her ring as her breathing became shallower, coming in rapid, short bursts as she struggled to centre herself.

Danielle watched her, her heart squeezed tight in worry, unsure of the best way to intervene. She thought about the flight and how she had been able to calm Minji down, so she tried a similar tactic, gently taking hold of the older girl’s wrist and stroking her thumb along the thin, sensitive skin on the inside.

After a few moments, she felt Minji start to relax, her lungs taking in the appropriate amount of oxygen that they needed. She looked up into Danielle’s concerned eyes and offered her a weak smile.

“I’m okay now. Thank you.”

She straightened up and stepped back up to the railing, staring out into the distance.

“I don’t know how to answer your question, Dani,” she said, softly. “I have no idea what we’re doing.”

Dani stepped forward to stand next to her, closer this time.

“Well, do you just want to pretend that this is nothing?” she asked, tightly. “Because I can do that. I’ve been doing it for years.”

The hard edge to her tone took them both by surprise, though neither reacted.

“You think that I don’t feel anything?” Minji asked, finally turning to face Danielle, her eyes glassy with tears. “You think I haven’t been trying not to feel anything since that day?”

Danielle’s breath hitched as she heard the words that she never thought that she would ever hear.

“Then why have we spent these four years ignoring it?” she whispered, desperately.

“Because it scared the fuck out of me, D,” Minji said, her voice trembling with emotion. “It still does, because it could ruin everything. I’m supposed to protect the group, protect you.”

Danielle turned away, her own tears now falling, as she realised that she’d been battling her feelings alone, when they were actually shared by the only other person that mattered.

“Well, Min, right now, I’m not a member of our group and you are not the leader. I’m just me and you’re just you,” she said, turning to face Minji again. “So, the question is, what do you want to do?”

Minji stared at her, wide-eyed. 

“I…I don’t know,” she said, quietly.

Resigned, Dani nodded in understanding. This time, she was the one to take Minji’s hand, showing her that she was there, no matter what. 

“We have to figure this out, Min. No matter what we decide, it’ll be better for the both of us.”

Minji laid her head on Danielle’s shoulder, sighing.

“I know.”

Dani laid her head on Minji’s as they both fell back into silence, looking out at the view over the still bustling city, knowing that they were at a turning point.

Later that night, Danielle was taking long, deep breaths as she stretched her arms backwards over her head, one after the other, her whole body feeling warm and totally relaxed, at home in the water. As her mind kept rewinding the whole day, she couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. She had taken her sword and was slicing through Minji’s thorny defences little by little, getting closer to the older girl’s heart.

She had been so grateful that the hotel’s full length indoor swimming pool was open until the early hours, allowing her to do the thing she loved so much. As her thoughts kept playing over all of the intimate moments that had happened from the minute she had rolled over that morning, she realised that she no longer thought , but knew in her heart that there was something, or rather someone, that she loved as much as singing, performing and swimming.

She hummed a new melody as she swam, the ability to do so being one of the other reasons that she loved backstroke so much, repeating it several times until it stuck. Then, as her creative juices continued to flow, an entire section of lyrics came to her, her brain changing and rearranging the text to the new melody with each stroke, until it was a developed section. 

When she reached the end of the length that she was swimming, she climbed out and went over to her phone, humming the new melody into her audio app and titling it “Melody 3-Best day ever. Pre-chorus/Chorus?” before opening the notes app to write down the new lyrics that had come to her:

“When you look at me, I forget my lines,

Though I’ve rehearsed them a thousand times.

But if I gave voice to this truth,

Would you run or would you move

Closer to the quiet parts?

Would you be willing to give me your heart?

Because you already have mine,

You already have mine.”

She double-checked that everything was saved and content with her work, she put the phone back under her towel and dived back into the pool, gracefully spinning onto her back and continuing her swim.

Unbeknownst to her, Minji was sitting at the back of the upper level of the pool hall, her leg bouncing up and down anxiously as she chewed on her lower lip. Her music of choice, as she’d taken a brisk walk around the hotel grounds after Dani had left for her swim, was Ravel’s Miroirs, a collection of piano pieces, her headphones isolating the evocative mood for only her. 

Now, as she watched Dani glide through the pool as beautiful and elegant as a Naiad, the final movement, ‘La Vallée des Cloches’ accompanied her visual, the oscillating notes moving with the flow of the water as Danielle moved effortlessly through it.

She had made a huge mistake. 

She’d let down her guard and been too open, let her emotions spill over and drown her usual stone cold logic and that was not something that she should have allowed to happen. Whatever was going on between her and Dani had to come to an end. They were friends and groupmates, a group with which she was charged with the care of and that also meant the well-being of each of the members. Therefore, she couldn’t let this continue. 

She felt pain streak across her chest, a tightness gripping her as her brain rewound the day; all of the moments when Dani had looked at her with those expressive brown eyes, when she’d touched her, held her hand, made her laugh and most of all, made her feel so fucking alive. She’d had many realisations during the day, but the starkest one appeared to her right then. She didn’t just have strong feelings for Dani, she was in love with her and had been for a very long time.

She didn’t bother wiping away the tears that were falling, shoving her fist in her mouth to suppress the sobs threatening to break free, cognisant that the pain in her chest was, in fact, her heart breaking. The chiming bell-like piano chords at the end of the piece, that only she could hear, felt symbolic. She knew that it was supposed to represent the largest bell of the Basilica of Montmartre, a bell that she had heard for herself at Midday, and now it represented something else at Midnight.

The death-knell of a love story that had not even begun to be written.

Chapter Text

It was 06:30.

There was a brisk chill in the air, despite the sun’s already prominent position in the sky, as Minji cycled at full speed across town. After the revelations of the day before and therefore, a very restless night, she decided that she needed some time away from the younger girl, not really knowing how to handle the situation at hand. Where she really wanted to be was the badminton court, needing the fast pace and focused, skilled movements to distract her, but that wasn’t an option, so instead, here she was, pedalling as fast as she could.

Even though she had come to the conclusion that there was no way to take their relationship further, Minji had no idea how to actually have that conversation with Dani. It had been clear from her relaxed state as she was swimming the night before, humming to herself whilst in the water and the smile that remained on her face throughout her session, that her friend thought that they were moving towards each other and were on the same page about where they were headed. 

How was Minji going to tell her that she was closing their book completely?

“Ugh…” Minji spat out in exasperation, as she sped down the quiet bike lane over a bridge. 

She just needed to do this first, which was why she was dashing along the now more peaceful streets of the city, making her way back to Place du Tertre. After their raw conversation atop the Eiffel Tower the night before, her impression was that Dani was reflecting the way that she herself felt, and if that was the case, Minji needed to know if the other girl had also lied about what she’d graffitied on the free art wall.

She didn’t know why it was so important to her, for her to see it for herself because it was such a menial thing, but if they really were holding up a mirror to each other, knowing that she’d hidden the truth from Dani about what she herself had written, the curiosity of whether her friend had been honest or not, was getting the better of her and she couldn’t let it go.

It was so tiny and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but for Minji it felt of great importance for her to know the absolute truth of it.

She also wasn’t quite ready to look Danielle in the eye just yet.

Danielle opened her eyes to the bright light shining into the room again, but this time when she turned over, the bed next to her was already empty. Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she looked around the hotel room and the balcony, frowning when there was no sign of the older girl.

“Min!” Dani called, assuming that Minji must be in the bathroom, but when only silence greeted her, she was more than a little confused. 

Maybe Minji had gone for a run. 

Dani immediately laughed out loud, remembering that other than badminton, and the training involved in keeping herself fit for both playing and performing, Minji hated any other form of exercise. She especially despised running, unless it was sprinting over short distances, so Dani could definitely rule that idea out.

She got out of the bed, though she was loath to leave the comfort she was in, stretching indulgently and padding to the bathroom. On the way back, she spotted a note on the side table.

“D,

Gone out for a bit. Ordered you breakfast so you can relax in the room

Back before we have to leave

M”

Dani read and re-read the note several times and even turned it over in her hands to check there was nothing else written on the paper. She had known Minji for years now and if asked, she’d definitely say that they’d been close for most of that time. Therefore, she knew Minji’s natural writing style having seen her use it countless times, in various different situations. 

Something was wrong.

The clipped tone of the note, along with the short sentences, missing punctuation and no proper greeting or ending indicated that Minji was not thinking with a clear head when she’d written it. The older girl was extremely particular about how she presented herself in writing, even when it came to social media posts and group chat messages, so given that there was literally no pressure on her to write anything, Dani instantly felt that something was amiss.

She went to get her phone to see if Minji had left a message with any other details, but when there was nothing, she opened their chat.

“Where are you?”

She waited as the message was sent, staring at the screen, unsure if she even wanted a reply or to know where Minji was, before giving up. Dani surmised that wherever she was, Minji would be fine as she knew the city well and would definitely be back in good time before they had to leave for the final shoot. 

This probably didn’t have to have anything to do with what happened last night. Dani knew that she was trying to convince herself, but until she had evidence to the contrary, there was no point getting worked up over it.

As Minji walked across the empty square, she vowed that in the future, she’d do as many tourist attractions at the break of the day as she could get away with, no matter which city she was in. If there was something that could just be seen and didn’t need to be open, this would be her new favourite time to explore and she wondered why it had never dawned on her before, given her natural disdain of being around crowds of people. 

She had taken to exploring most cities at night, loving the bohemian vibe that was often present in the places that she chose to haunt, but this daybreak idea was definitely one she could get on board with. 

 As she arrived at the completely covered canvas, she took the time to appreciate how one small space, conveying people’s personal expression and individual creativity, entwined with their thoughts and desires, was a complete piece of art within itself. 

Due to the crowds the day before and thus, the space confines, she and Dani had been unable to be next to each other to do their pieces, ending up on opposing ends of the long, concrete structure, the canvas of which was replaced every week.  She skimmed the various drawings, scribbles and words until she was at the far left end, where she had done her own drawing. 

It wasn’t the most interesting piece ever, a heart with a fuzzy bear ear on one side and a floppy dog’s ear on the other with a medieval style banner across the bottom that read: 

“Rules for Happiness: Something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”

She stared at her writing and felt that same pain streaking across her chest from the night before. She’d chosen the Immanuel Kant quote before they’d had their talk, before she’d realised that she’d have to shut down any development of whatever was between them. Deep at the back of her mind, she had linked the last two phrases together and somewhere in the darkest crevices of her psyche, where she had compartmentalised her feelings, what she secretly hoped for was that Danielle would become her someone to love. 

She still could, couldn’t she? 

Minji sighed deeply. She was wavering in her decision, and couldn’t afford to, but why couldn’t she dream in the light for once, and not just in the suffocating darkness? 

Taking a picture of her drawing for prosperity, she moved down the wall towards the other end, skimming over the countless images and words, trying to recognise anything that was reminiscent of Danielle’s drawing or writing styles. Several times, she passed a drawing that she thought could be hers, only to spot something that Dani would clearly never ordinarily do.

And then, finally, she saw it.

She audibly gasped, startling the few tourists who were now gathered and adding to the wall themselves. There was no mistaking what she was looking at - a slightly altered version of their final botanical garden photoshoot imagery.

Two girls that were clearly supposed to represent Minji and Danielle, were in front of Cupid, standing on his one leg behind them. However, there were a few significant changes compared to the real event that had taken place. Here, Dani was on her knees, her hands folded neatly on her lap with an arrow shot directly through her heart and protruding out of the other side of her chest. Minji was standing over her, still holding up the cherry as the younger girl craned upwards for it. An arrow was headed for Minji’s heart from behind, but with indicators that it might miss. The starkest difference was that Danielle was clearly blindfolded, unable to see the girl looking down at her or whether the arrow would find its mark. 

Underneath Dani had written in, somehow, beautifully cursive script:

“I reject Kant and embrace Nietzsche. I would submit myself to you fully.”

It was all framed in a rectangle made up of soft, wavy lines and titled, “Après un rêve…”

Minji stared at the image in disbelief. She tried to wrap her head around what exactly she was seeing in conjunction with what Dani had also written. 

Firstly, Dani was proving that she had indeed read Kant or at least about him, which Minji found a highly desirable quality. However, she was mainly telling her subtly that not only was she aware of the Kantian notion of not submitting yourself to a single person, but also letting Minji know that she didn’t believe in one of his greatest philosophies, because she was willing to submit herself...apparently to Minji. 

Then, there was the embracing of Nietzsche. Minji had to assume that Danielle knew that Nietzsche was a direct opponent of Kant’s moral philosophies, believing that holding reason above everything else restricted humans from their own ability to develop and expand and therefore experience what living was supposed to be about. Minji lived by Kant, yet here Dani was proclaiming the opposite side of the argument.

What the fuck was this all supposed to mean? Even she was completely stumped, her brain turning over and over trying to decipher just exactly what the message meant in regards to their relationship. What she did know was that she had never been more attracted to Danielle, the discovery that she had so many more layers to discover being deeply appealing to her.

Deciding that not only was it too early to really delve into it, but that she was short on time and had to get back before their photoshoot, she took out her phone and took a few pictures of Dani’s work, framing it in a few different ways. Through the camera lens, Minji gained a deeper appreciation for how Danielle had crafted it and felt sad that it would soon be removed and replaced with someone else’s creative expression. A heaviness settled over her as she realised that it also served as a metaphor for their own story. Regardless of how beautiful it may be, it would be erased as soon as she talked to Dani and put an end to whatever they had.

Standing up straight, she took one last look at the image, her eyes welling with tears, before turning and walking away.

Danielle had forgiven Minji for leaving her alone when the breakfast had arrived. Being the considerate girl that she was, Minji had made sure that Dani had something from every food group, as well as some delicious extras that she could enjoy at her leisure over her time alone.

Lounging on the balcony, the beautiful view spread out in front of her like a stunning watercolour canvas, Dani took out her notebook and wrote an entry about the previous day and the morning, taking her time to describe everything that she’d been feeling.

It had definitely been a rollercoaster of a trip so far, but the heightened emotions between her and Minji, both positive and negative, had still made it memorable. Whatever was to come of this day, she wanted to fully embrace it, as she had no idea when she would get the chance to return to the city, nor have the opportunity to be this free with her currently missing friend.

Grabbing her travel guitar, she continued to flesh out the first part of the song, changing a few chords and melodies to complete until the end of the chorus. Just as she’d started recording it, her phone buzzed, and her best friend’s name appeared on the screen.

Hanni: “Hey bestie! How’s it going? I’m eating passionfruit and mango cheesecake and it made me think of you. Missing you.” 

Dani: “Miss you too, Pham and damn, I’m jealous. Though actually not really, as I’m eating an amazing breakfast that Minji ordered for me.”

H: “Minji ordered it just for you, eh? What’s it been like being alone with her?”

D: “Interesting…to say the least. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.”

H: “That’s all you’re giving me? Interesting? Come onnnnn…spill!”

D: “I promise I’ll fill you in when I get back. Now piss off, I’m in the middle of something.”

H: “Fine, fine, I’ll wait. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

D: “Love you too. See ya.”

After switching away from Hanni’s messages, Dani went back into the recording app and had just managed to get through the part of the song that she’d completed, when her phone went off again.

Minji: “Be back in 20”

Short and to the point. Still not normal behaviour for Minji, who would usually refuse to even shorten the word “minutes” to “mins”, let alone skip it altogether. Danielle shook it off because she wasn’t going to let this ruin her morning, when she could literally just ask Minji where she’d been in 20 minutes.

She tried working on some harmonies, trying to find the best lower and upper melodies that would blend in with what she already had and stand out at the same time, but it wasn’t working. All of a sudden, a flash of inspiration struck her like an arrow. 

Minji was the key to finishing this song that she was writing. The reason that she was finding it so difficult to write, is that it was not meant to be a solo, but a duet, and both Minji’s pen and that deep, soft toned voice of hers were needed to complete it.

How she was going to convince her to do it, was another issue, one that she would tackle later, but for now she had a plan of at least how to introduce her to the idea.

She just needed to wait for her to return.

After their final photoshoot, the girls visited a few sights and attractions and tried to make the best of their last day, but the atmosphere between them was once again fraught with tension. After the night before and her discovery that morning, Minji had withdrawn into her own head, the cogs of her brain trying to figure out all of the intricacies involved in her and Dani’s complicated relationship and coming up empty. The result of this was that she was shutting out the one person that she should have been communicating with the most.

When Minji had returned to the hotel room that morning, within the promised 20 minutes, Dani had asked where she’d been, only to receive a mumbled answer about her just going for a walk because she couldn’t sleep. Minji was a terrible liar, though, and it wasn’t helped by her flustered and flushed appearance, leaving Danielle to temporarily consider that maybe she had a secret lover and that was why she loved Paris so much. It didn’t take long, even through the rush of jealousy, for her to realise that that was ludicrous, given Minji’s staunch principles. 

Dani kept trying to get Minji to open up and be freer, making the odd joke and trying to recreate the feel of the day before. Minji seemed impossible to reach for the most part, completely closed off, and had emotionally retreated into her hard shell, only occasionally breaking out of it to engage with her friend. Dani could see the conflict going on behind her eyes and it hurt her every time she looked at her, the thorns around Minji’s heart regrowing and stabbing her each time. Eventually, she stopped trying to reach her on a deeper level and just enjoyed being out in Paris and the art that she had always wanted to see.

They were currently in The Louvre, separated for the time being as there was an exhibit that Minji wanted to see that Dani had little interest in and as Minji had been to the museum several times before, they agreed to separate for a short while. Dani had walked around the section of the museum that she had wanted to see, Minji’s absence weighing on her heavily. 

She recognised how much of a problem that was. When they got back to Seoul, they would be flung headfirst into their busy schedules and it was likely that things would go back to normal, with her and Minji working together, but not spending any time alone. Danielle knew that she would definitely struggle with their returning normalcy. She had a feeling in her gut that Minji was going to tell her that they needed to put a stop to what they had going on, based on her behaviour today and that it wouldn’t, in fact, grow into the relationship that she was hoping for. It hurt to even think about it, so she tried her best to be distracted, immersing herself in the portraits, paintings and sculptures around her.

Sighing deeply, she rounded a corner and spotted Minji standing alone in front of a marble sculpture, the light coming through the window somehow illuminating both Cupid’s wings and Minji, despite their positioning. There was a rare lull in the constant crowd that surrounded the most popular works in the museum, and Dani wondered just how long Minji had been standing there. 

She knew that she shouldn’t, but she took out her phone and snapped a few pictures of Minji with the whole sculpture also in frame. Even from behind, she looked stunningly beautiful to Dani. Minji was not particularly tall by European standards, but still appeared so, her hair cascading down her back and over her broad shoulders, rivalling the actual god, and the eventual goddess depicted in the sculpture, as she stared at the piece of art in front of her.

Putting her phone away, Dani approached the older girl quietly, not wanting to break her concentration. 

“We keep finding ourselves in front of “our boy Eros”,” she leaned in to whisper into Minji’s ear, quoting Raul, their director from a couple of days prior. “Coincidence or fate?”

Minji turned to her and laughed behind a half smile, happier than she should be to see her friend’s face. As Dani joined her, standing by her side, she turned her attention back to the sculpture.

“We never should have opened the jar, D,” she mused, half to herself.

Dani tilted her head, furrowing her brow as she mulled over Minji’s words.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you know what this sculpture is and what it depicts?” Minji continued.

“I do. I came across it and looked into it when we were filming Cool with You. It’s “Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss”…” Dani trailed off briefly as she realised what Minji was getting at. “...after she disobeyed the rules and opened the jar.”

Minji didn’t say anything, as the comprehension settled between them.

“And what drove her to open it?”

“Curiosity,” Dani turned towards Minji, inhaling at the sight of her side profile, her complexion looking rich and deep after being allowed to breathe from the usual heavy make-up. “And a desperate desire for what was forbidden.”

Minji turned to her again, studying her face as she was met with Dani’s fierce brown eyes burning into her. 

“We opened the jar, Dani, and now we’re consumed by darkness, by that desperate desire,” Minji took a step closer to the shorter girl, aware that several people were now arriving to break the lull in the crowd. “Who will revive us, if we give in completely?”

Dani saw the sadness in Minji’s eyes and her only thought was that she wanted to wrap her in her arms, hold her tightly and protect her from harm for the rest of her life and that was exactly the consumption that Minji was talking about. She reached out and took Minji’s hand in hers, relishing in the fact that whilst it was still a risk in public, it was different from the risk back home in Seoul.

“Cupid, Min,” Dani stared meaningfully back as Minji looked at her, puzzled. “If we’ve already opened the jar, only Cupid’s arrow can save us. We just need to allow ourselves to exist…as us, as you and me .”

Minji didn’t say anything, but held Dani’s intense gaze, reaching up to stroke her face as more people crowded around them, filling the empty space and the empty silence. As they were clearly now obstructing the view, Minji pulled Dani away from the sculpture, to stand by a window a little further down the corridor.

“Let me take you to dinner tonight,” she said, when they were finally free from the bustle of the masses. “It’s our last night here and I’d like to take you to my favourite restaurant. My treat.”

Danielle’s face lit up at the suggestion and, noticing that they were still holding hands, brought Minji’s fingers up to her lips and kissed them softly.

“I’d love to be taken to dinner by you, Kim Minji,” Dani smiled at her friend, unable to stop the blossoming warmth spreading from her heart outwards. She was once again making strides in figuring out the complex puzzle that was Minji and breaking through her shield.

She just needed a little more time, but she knew that there wasn’t too much of it left.

Minji was treating Dani to dinner out at L'Hôtel de L’Abbaye, a restaurant that she’d found completely by accident on her second trip to Paris, yet fallen in love with as soon as she’d stepped foot inside. What Dani didn’t know was that Minji had made the reservation months ago, when she’d found out that they would be heading to Paris.

She was planning to have an honest conversation with Dani about how she felt about their situation and close their chapter before it could get any messier. She thought that Danielle deserved the potential blow to be dealt as softly as possible, and with a serving of the best truffle pasta that she had found anywhere during her travels and Minji was a picky eater…at best.

When she’d made the reservation, she’d also slipped in that they’d need privacy, given their status and potential for exposure, so when they arrived, they were ushered into an inner courtyard terrace, beautifully decorated with ornate metal furniture and lush greenery. 

Dani was in heaven, especially after Minji told her she could order whatever she wanted, no matter the cost. They earned roughly the same amount of money, but Danielle was not about to complain about being treated like a princess for the evening. If Minji had decided to take control for the night, why would she stop her?

Their conversation flowed surprisingly easily, given the tension between them earlier in the day, able to joke and laugh as naturally as it usually came to them. They were both enjoying their time with each other so much, that Minji had almost forgotten why it was that she’d wanted to take Dani out in the first place.

Finishing their mains, they ordered dessert, along with a coffee with Cognac for afterwards, Minji growing more uneasy by the minute at the coming conversation that she knew she had to have.

“Thank you for this, Min,” Dani said sincerely, swallowing the last bite of her lemon meringue pie. “It was all delicious and I can see why you love this place.”

“You’re welcome, D,” Minji said quietly, forcing out a smile. Beneath the table her knee jerked uncontrollably and she reached for her ring as she continued. “You deserve it. You deserve everything.”

Danielle smiled brightly and a blush rose on her cheeks at Minji’s words. 

“Look, the reason that I wanted to take you out tonight was because, well, not only did I want to treat you on our last night in Paris, but I wanted to talk about us,” Minji went on, trying to regulate her breathing. Her heart sank as Dani’s face lit up and her smile only widened. “I…I wanted to say th-”

She stopped suddenly, tilting her head and listening to the music that was currently playing across the terrace. Her own face broke out into a smile as she recognised the piece floating on the air.

“No way! They’re playing the score from ‘Clair Obscur: Expedition 33’. I love that game!” she said, turning back to Dani, her voice gleeful. “This is one of my favourites, ‘Rêveries dans Lumière’. I was listening to it just this mo-”

“Minji. As much as I love listening to you nerd out about these things, you were in the middle of saying something kind of important,” Danielle interrupted, both totally enamoured and mildly frustrated by Minji’s inability to keep her passions hidden and concentrate. “Can you focus, please?”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Minji muttered apologetically, though somewhere deep down, she was glad that her brain had chosen to derail their conversation, even if it was only for half a minute. “What was I saying?”

“That you wanted to talk about us,” Dani said, firmly.

“Right, yeah,” Minji mumbled. “So, I wanted to say that this trip has meant so much to me. I’ve learnt a lot about you, that I had no idea about because we’ve rarely gotten the opportunity to spend time together like this, but I’ve also learnt a lot about me, too.”

She swallowed thickly, unable to look Dani in the eye as she waited for her to continue.

“Dani, I’m not going to deny that I have feelings for you. At this point, that would be asinine, and I know that you have feelings for me too, but…,” She took a breath and lifted her head to look at Dani directly, feeling she deserved that respect. “But we can’t move any further than this, my mind can’t see a way forward. Whatever we have, whatever we feel doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because I have to make sure we function fully as a group, and reason dictates that it just wouldn’t work and…and…”

She broke off and felt her heart tear in two as she saw Danielle’s face crumple, the light in her eyes and smile fading. She reached for the younger girl’s hand, but she pulled it out of reach.

“Dani…”

“Don’t, Min,” Dani bit out, blinking away the tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t need to hear anything else.”

“Dani, please…” Minji pleaded as Dani narrowed her eyes. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Minji?” Dani exploded, louder than she’d intended, drawing the attention of the only other couple sitting in the courtyard. After they both looked around nervously, making the appropriate apologetic gestures, Dani slumped back in her chair, looking at Minji in disbelief. “So, what you’re telling me is that using that big, brilliant brain of yours, you decided to take me out on a date, just to let me know that you don’t want to date me?”

Minji looked at her confused, her head tilted to the side. If Dani weren’t so frustrated, she would think that she looked adorable.

“A date? You thought this was a date?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Dani sighed out, shaking her head and pushing her chair back. As she stood up, gathering her jacket and bag, Minji continued staring at her in clueless incomprehension. “You’re many things, Min, so many weird and wonderful things that I truly adore.”

She pushed her chair in and walked around the table, standing over Minji, who was still sitting with a stunned oblivious expression on her face.

“But I never thought that you were such a coward.” 

Without another word or glance, Dani strode out of the restaurant, leaving Minji sitting there alone, wondering how on earth she’d managed to get this so terribly wrong. 

Chapter Text

Spinning her ring furiously with her thumb, Minji felt an irrational wave of anger taking over her. She wasn’t angry at Danielle for leaving, she was angry at herself for allowing her to. With the benefit of hindsight, she could easily see why Dani would think she was asking her out on a date. She’d asked her in an emotionally charged moment, offered to pay for everything and had definitely not missed the bashful smile on Dani’s face and the blush on her cheeks when Minji told her how beautiful she looked before they left the hotel room. 

The tears were coming fast and she clenched her fist tightly as she tried to get hold of herself, reminding herself that she was still in public and someone who knew who she was could spot her at any time. 

Just as she was thinking that, Minji had the feeling that she was being watched, opening her eyes slowly to find the couple on the other side of the terrace looking over at her with concern, whispering in hushed voices. She offered them a smile to let them know that she was okay and then removed herself from the table to go and settle the bill. 

She needed to find Danielle. She shouldn’t have let her leave like that because now she was upset and alone at night, in a city she was unfamiliar with. Bursting out of the hotel doors, she looked around the immediate surroundings, trying to find anyone that matched Dani’s slim stature, but she was nowhere to be seen. 

Taking out her phone, she scoffed as she saw the last piece of music that she had been listening to. Boulanger’s lament to a life that she wasn’t going to get to live in full, poetically cut a little too close to the bone at the moment. Re-focusing, she dialled Dani’s number, but it rang out, leaving the panic to start rising in her chest. It had only been about eight minutes, but if Dani had managed to get a taxi, she could be anywhere. She typed out a quick text to her and then running to the corner of the road, she tried calling her again, with the same results. 

Pausing, she remembered that panic never helped her to come up with a solution. There were a few options: go back to their hotel and wait for her, keep looking around the area on foot and hope that she answered her phone eventually, or look for specific places where she would most likely be. 

Deciding that she was likely to have a full-blown anxiety attack with the first two options, Minji opened her Maps app and looked at the surrounding area - at the landmarks, bars, restaurants and late night museums, trying to work her way through them and rule out areas and sights that she knew Dani wouldn’t be interested in. 

Frustrated, she scanned everything again, unable to consider that Dani would head to any of the places around the area and leading her to believe that she’d probably just taken a cab home. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she let the familiarity of the city speak to her – the air, the constantly moving traffic and streams of people, visualising her position on a 3D map in her mind. 

Opening her eyes slowly, she knew instinctively where Dani would have headed: the water. 

Of course, that’s the first place that Minji should have thought of, given that Dani was as much at home in and around water as she was on dry land, if not more so. Looking at the map again, she spotted the quickest route that would've taken Dani to The Seine, noting that Pont des Arts, the bridge that allowed for a stunning view of the city, was not that far away. 

She turned and sprinted towards the bridge. She had to be right because she needed to fix this. She would not let Dani’s last night in Paris be ruined because she was an inept idiot. She deserved better than that. 

Danielle stared out over the rippling water and swiped angrily at her face, frustrated at herself for not being able to stop crying. As she watched the waves lapping over each other, her body reacted as it always did around water, wanting nothing more than to dive in and be fully submerged. Thankfully, her body also recognised that this was neither the time, nor most certainly the place to do that. 

Fucking Minji! 

She felt like such an idiot, thinking that Minji would ever want the same things as she did and be truly willing to go after them. She really thought that she had managed to slice through that thorny shield, but it was obvious that Minji’s sense of duty and her ridiculously annoying obsession with putting reason above everything else was more important to her than Danielle was.

She swallowed down the painful lump in her throat, feeling her phone buzz again in her pocket. Minji was probably worried about her, but right now, she didn’t care. Her heart was broken and her stupidly unaware friend was the reason. She briefly allowed herself to consider that maybe she was being harsh, that she should have stayed to hear Minji out and have the very needed conversation, but her instinct had told her to just get out of there, so she wouldn’t have to look at that beautiful face rejecting her so casually. 

Her phone vibrated again and she seriously contemplated throwing it in the river, just to get some peace.  

“Dani!”

She turned slowly towards the sound of her name coming from the person she wanted to see the most, and the least, right now. Minji was running across the bridge towards her and Danielle couldn’t help the slight smile that appeared on her lips at her wild movements, her long limbs uncontrolled in her panic. Stopping in front of her, Minji doubled over, panting as she tried to speak. 

“H-hi.”

Dani stood over Minji as she caught her breath, waiting until the older girl eventually straightened up to face her properly, sweating profusely and crimson red.

“Hi,” she returned, tight-lipped and instantly drained of energy. “How the fuck did you find me?”

“Logic and reason,” Minji said, wincing as she held her side, still trying to even out her breathing. 

“Of fucking course,” Dani said, rolling her eyes and sighing. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest as she glared at the taller girl. “What do you want, Minji? I obviously wanted to be left alone.”

“To say I’m sorry,” Minji said, finally breathing normally. “As I said last night, I really don’t know what I’m doing and clearly I’m handling this horribly.”

She stepped closer trying to get Dani to look at her, as the shorter girl had turned her head away resolutely, her eyes shining with tears again. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, D. Please, can we just talk this through? I really don’t want us to leave tomorrow like this.”

Danielle walked back over to the railing and stared out over the city.

“What else is there to talk through, Min?” she asked, softly. “We said that we would figure it out together, but you’ve clearly made up your mind.”

Minji looked down at her feet, ashamed of how neglectful she had been of Danielle’s feelings. 

“Can we walk for a while and talk about it? I made a mistake and I’m sorry for hurting you because of it. Please?”

Danielle sighed.

“Fine,” she relented, hearing the desperation in Minji’s voice. 

They walked in silence to the other side of the bridge, Minji then leading them down a path that would take them alongside the river. Kicking a rock along as she walked, she wasn’t really sure what to say, just trying to piece the words together in her head so that she wouldn’t mess up again.

“D, you were right. You haven’t been able to say what you want or how you feel. I’ve been making a lot of assumptions, but I’ve not really given you the space to actually tell me.”

“Very true,” Dani hummed in agreement, her anger and frustration, which had already lessened, dissipating at Minji’s honesty. 

“Look, I’m glad that you’re finally admitting to having feelings for me and when you said that you knew that I have feelings for you too, that’s obviously true,” she chuckled lightly, gesturing to herself. “I just wish that we had talked about it sooner.”

“What difference would it have made, D? The outcome would still be the same,” Minji said quietly, still kicking the rock every now and then along the path, her hands in her pockets.

“The difference would be that I wouldn’t have spent all this time thinking that I was the only one feeling this way, that I would know that I wasn’t suffering alone.”

Their hands brushed lightly and Dani recoiled, causing Minji to move a little further apart, not wanting to make the other girl uncomfortable.

“Have you always liked me, Min?” Dani asked, tentatively.

“In hindsight, yes, I have, but I didn’t realise it until that moment in the practice room,” Minji nodded slowly, after taking a moment to think. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” Dani drawled, wondering how Minji was yet to figure out that this wasn’t the type of conversation that required one to ask permission in order to ask a question.

“Why did you kiss me that day?” Minji said, timidly.

“I don’t know,” Dani smiled, as she remembered the moment. “I just felt compelled to do it, even though I didn’t know if you would be okay with it, well, until afterwards.” 

“I was definitely okay with it and I wanted it too,” Minji said, subconsciously moving closer to Dani again. “I’m glad you were the one to make that move though, I never would have had the courage.”

“So, you don’t regret it?” Dani asked.

“No,” Minji shook her head. “Not at all. You?”

“No. No regrets.”

They fell into silence again as they walked, the sounds of the river louder now that they had entered a slightly quieter area. Dani frowned as something Minji had just said itched at her.

“You say you wouldn’t have made a move, but you did kiss me…well, more than kiss me, that second time. Was it only because you were wasted?”

Minji looked up sharply at the mention of something she preferred not to discuss.

“Dani, you know I really hate talking about that time of my life. I was a mess and did some really fucked up things, but I shouldn’t even have tried to kiss you.” She paused briefly, before stopping and turning to Dani. “Wait…surely, you don’t count that as a real kiss between us? You said no, pretty strongly.”

“Yeah, and you stopped immediately when I did, Min,” Dani retaliated. “Okay, maybe you shouldn’t have been kissing me like that in the first place, but you were in a pretty rough place and you respected me when I said no. I don’t hold it against you because as soon as I said that I didn’t want to, you stopped. It would have been different if you hadn’t listened and kept trying. Probably would've ended up with me punching you in the face.” 

Dani chuckled and Minji laughed along uncomfortably, wanting to move on from her indiscretion two years ago. Dani bit the side of one of her nails. 

“Did it matter at all that it was me? Would you have done the same if it had been someone else in the room at the time?”

“What? No, Dani, I mean…yes,” Minji shook her head in frustration, knowing how important it was for her to get her words out correctly. She started walking again, giving herself time to think, Dani following alongside her. “I know I was drunk and had just opened a huge painful wound, but the reason I tried it on with you was because you were the one that I needed. I wasn’t thinking clearly, but it was your comfort that I was seeking - why do you think that I was in your room in the first place? You’re the only person that I’ve ever truly wanted in that way.”

Minji reached out and took Dani’s hand in hers. 

“You saved my life that night, D. If it hadn’t been for you, coming to find me during that party and insisting that I talk to you, allowing me to open up the way that I did, I don’t think I’d be here. I’m really sorry that I did that to you.”

“I know,” Dani chewed the inside of her cheek, uncertain if she should say what she’d been holding in for so long. “As we’re being completely transparent with each other right now, I want to tell you something,” she said, cautiously. 

Minji, who was still holding her hand, stroked her thumb across the back of it soothingly, showing her willingness to listen.

“Okay. What is it?”

“To be honest, when that happened, I didn’t actually want you to stop, Min, quite the opposite. The only reason that I said no, that I stopped you from going further was because it would have been wrong to continue whilst you weren’t in your right mind.”

Minji’s brows shot up in surprise. That was not the impression that she had gotten from that encounter, but she let Dani continue before saying anything. 

“I was so tempted to just let it happen because you have no idea how many nights I’ve imagined your mouth on me like that, or your hands on my body, touching me in that way, but it wouldn’t have been right,” Dani intertwined their fingers again, the situation having smoothed out a little. “If it was going to happen, I didn’t think either of us would have wanted it to happen like that.”

She glanced over at Minji, whose face was scarlet, noticing her palm had gotten very sweaty in her grasp. She bit back her laughter as the taller girl tried to speak, opening and closing her mouth several times. 

“S-so, what you’re saying is…is that you applied reason over-”

“Kim Minji, I swear…” Dani jokingly threatened, putting up her free hand to stop her from continuing. “I love your dorkiness, but if you finish that sentence, I’m going to chuck you in this river!”

“Sorry,” Minji chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. She squeezed Dani’s hand. “I just can’t believe you felt that way.”

“Feel that way,” Dani corrected, keeping her head straight and avoiding looking at her friend. “I still feel the same way now, Minji.”

Minji wasn’t used to this level of directness, from anyone, let alone the girl holding her hand and opening her heart to her. They had circled back and ended up in the middle of the Pont des Arts again, the sky now a deep aubergine that blanketed the city.

“I just don’t get how this is all your decision to make, Min,” Dani said, turning to face Minji again. “You said your mind can’t see a way forward, but what about mine? Why don’t I have any say in our relationship and how we decide we want to handle it?”

“I have a duty, D,” Minji said, quietly, as the younger girl subtly rolled her eyes. “I can’t just shirk my responsibilities.”

“And what about your duty to yourself, Min?” Dani asked, softly, cognisant that her friend was really struggling with this internal debate. “Your duty to your own heart?”

“Honestly, it’s just not as important,” Minji responded, with sadness in her eyes and voice. “We, as a group, come first. I can’t risk everything for my own selfish wants.”

Danielle’s heart shattered at the confession, but she couldn’t stop the words that spilled out. 

“Look, even if we take your philosophical route, we end up at the same place,” she offered. “Min, we’re all human beings, with our own strengths, weaknesses and desires. We can’t possibly subscribe to one set of rules that govern our moral behaviour.”

“But if each of us follow our own set of rules, the likelihood is chaos. Beautiful chaos, but chaos, nonetheless,” Minji countered. “If we really want to find the absolute truth of humanity, reason has to be placed before anything else, especially our personal desires.”

“And what is a more absolute truth than the ultimate human connection?” Dani asked, exasperation tingeing her tone. She stepped right up to the taller girl, giving her no room to breathe for herself. “I know you feel it, Min, these golden threads thrumming between us, the energy exchange that flows back and forth whenever we’re close like this, but whereas I’m willing to overcome whatever obstacle to be with you, you’re using your moral high ground to justify running away.”

She brought her hand up to cup Minji’s face softly, her thumb stroking her cheek and jaw, whilst her other hand circled her waist, pulling her closer, just as Minji had done to her all those years ago. 

“Whilst you wax poetic about reason and logic and duty, it’s all just an excuse to deny yourself of what you really want.”

“I don’t know what I want, D,” Minji whispered, her voice trembling with emotion as the lie tripped off of her tongue. 

“Yes you do, Min, you’re just too afraid to admit it,” Dani said quietly, wiping the tears that had fallen onto Minji’s cheeks and staring deeply into the brown eyes that held her potential future in them. “Stop looking at me as though I’m just a risk you’re not willing to take, something that you have to prevent from happening. Just see what we could be. See me.”

Minji stared at her, frozen. Dani could see the conflict in her eyes, as the emotion and indecision swirled in them, but then, gradually, she leant in.

This time, when their lips met, it wasn’t with the innocence of four years ago or the one-sided desperation of two years ago. 

This time, when Minji tentatively deepened the kiss, looping her arms around Danielle’s neck as her restraints broke, it tasted like confession.

And this time, Danielle didn’t let her pull away, tightening her hold around her waist and keeping their bodies flush, surrendering to Minji’s command. 

There was no rush to their movements, standing in their own snapshot in time as though captured in a painting, Paris’ glittering stars amongst deep watercolour shades fading around them. 

When they finally broke apart, foreheads pressed together, both girls were breathing heavily.

“Dani…” Minji whispered, her voice cracking

“I know, okay?” Dani mumbled against her lips, a tear trailing down her cheek. “We don’t need to say anything else right now. Let’s just enjoy this moment and then go back to the hotel.” 

Cupping Minji’s face, she kissed her again, a kiss filled with longing. They stood there a while longer, existing somewhere between fear about returning to normality, regret over lost time, and deep, lasting affection, before pulling apart. Minji smiled shyly, took Dani’s hand in hers again and began walking.

They may not have been able to hang a padlock on the Pont des Arts to commemorate their time there, but a shared memory of that moment had been created and locked away inside both of them forever, able to be visited whenever they wanted or needed.

Chapter Text

When they return to the hotel, the click of the door as it closes sounds like the final full stop of an epic classic in the dark of the room and the stifling silence between them. They haven’t spoken since they left the bridge, including during the taxi ride back to the hotel, but they also haven’t let go of each other either, both clasping on to the other’s hand as though they were afraid that if they let go, they’ll dissipate into thin air.

Finally, Minji reluctantly lets her hand slip out of Dani’s to put her things down, taking off her jacket and putting her bag on the back of the chair. Grabbing her suitcase, she starts packing away her clothes, the meticulous folding that she’d done on arrival and throughout their trip making it a lot easier.

Danielle continues to stand by the door watching her, unable to move as her emotions weigh her down. Eventually, she follows Minji’s lead, taking out her own suitcase and filling it with her clothes and belongings.

The quiet is unbearable, yet soothing, as neither girl wants to say anything, nor hear the other speak for fear of hearing something they really don’t want to hear. Danielle’s back is turned away from Minji, as she sits on the edge of the bed, throwing her belongings into the suitcase with abandon, a far cry from Minji’s painstakingly diligent packing, yet she can still feel the anxious energy coming from her friend, her movements becoming increasingly more frantic, as she sets about making sure she hasn’t forgotten anything, checking every cupboard drawer and plug socket at least three times.

Finally, Dani hears Minji sit down on her own bed, the faint metallic scraping sound filling the deliberate stillness as she spins her ring. Outside, the Paris streets are muted, making the silence inside even louder, the Eiffel Tower glowing faintly in the distance and reaching for the heavens like the spire of a Cathedral. Subconsciously, Dani begins to hum the first melody that she came up with, the song accompanying the sight in front of her, as she hears Minji shift behind her.

“Minji.” 

Her voice comes out rougher than usual. The silence stretches on, Dani not knowing if Minji just doesn’t hear her or if she’s choosing not to answer. Either way, Dani is not about to let her shut down.

“Minji?” she says, louder this time, her voice echoing off the walls. 

“Hmm?” Minji answers without turning around.

“I’m not ready for this to end,” Dani says, her voice a light whisper. “Not Paris, not tonight…not us.”

The sound of Minji spinning her ring continues to fill the emptiness of the room.

“Except we never really got started, D,” she eventually says, softly. She turns to look at Dani through the reflection of the mirror and her breath catches at the sight of her, bathed in the dim light, as she herself remains in shadow. Her foot taps repetitively, a metronome punctuating through the rests of their unsung song.

Dani gets up, unable to sit still as she paces up and down the room trying to calm the dissonance inside her. Despite the thunderous timpani threatening to break through her rib cage, she decides that she’s going to say what’s on her mind. 

“Min, can I ask you something? Something completely selfish?”

Minji also gets up and stands in front of Dani to stop her from pacing, crossing her arms across her chest like armour.

“You can ask, yes.”

Dani takes a breath to consider if she really wants to put what she’s thinking out there. She looks at Minji standing in front of her, her eyes unreadable, stares at her as though she’s a painting that shouldn’t exist, both too soft and too vivid at the same time.

“Can we not be Minji and Danielle tonight, the group members and public figures that are also friends? Can we just…not be the idols that we’ll have to be tomorrow?”

“What do you want to be, then?” Minji asks, tentatively.

“Yours,” Dani says, pulling the taller girl towards her. “Just for one night, make me yours.”

Minji shifts uncomfortably in Dani’s grasp.

“That seems like a really bad idea, D.” 

Dani snakes her hands around Minji’s waist, pulling her even closer.

“Come on, Min,” she husks. “I need this. I need you and I know you’ve thought about it too.”

Minji feels her control slipping at Dani’s words and tone, her warm breath ghosting her lips. She wants nothing more than to give Dani what she wants and yet, that tiny voice continues to probe the inside of her head.

“If we do this, D, we’ll be crossing a line into territory that I don’t know I can bring us back from.”

“Min, we crossed that line four years ago,” Dani smirks at her, not quite realising the damage that is being done. “And why does it fall on just you to bring us back?”

Minji reaches out and tucks Danielle’s hair behind her ear, her fingers lingering on her cheek.

“This could break you.”

Dani looks Minji directly in the eye.

“Then break me. I don’t need a promise, Minji, just give me this one night to not have to pretend that we don’t know what’s happening here, to not have to pretend that I’m not…”

Danielle trails off, but they both know what she was about to say and under the enormity of those unsaid words, Minji surrenders.

The kiss hits differently this time, all the pretence falling away, their lips melding together slowly, but not softly. Minji pushes Dani up against the door, threading her fingers through her hair as Dani moans into her mouth, allowing Minji to dictate the pace.

This is what Danielle wants, what she needs - Minji taking control.

And this is what Minji needs - to be in control. 

She peels Dani’s top over her head, kissing every bit of revealed skin she could comfortably reach, working her way over Dani’s clavicle and heaving chest, as the younger girl’s hand grasps the back of Minji’s neck, firmly keeping her mouth attached to Dani’s body. 

Minji’s hands are everywhere and yet, not in enough places, as she kisses slowly up Dani’s neck, cupping her breast and squeezing it softly. Her lips tease the tender skin behind Dani’s ear as she pushes her skirt down over her hips, the flimsy piece of material falling to the floor.

“Do you know how much I love your neck, D?” she mumbles, her voice low against the smooth skin, as Dani’s breathing quickens even more. “I should mark you, as you want to belong to me so badly.”

“Do it,” Dani lets out a shaky breath. “I’ll cover it, I don’t care…just please do it.”

Minji firmly grasps Dani’s chin with her long fingers, tilting her head away from her, presenting the expanse of her neck to her. She hesitates, her breath tickling Dani’s pulse point.

“Do it,” Dani begs, her body squirming against Minji’s, desperate for more attention.

Minji lowers her head and takes Dani’s skin into her mouth, sucking hard, one hand slipping beneath her bra and playing with her nipple. Dani’s head hits the door behind her, slipping out of Minji’s grasp with the force as she moans loudly, her hand threading into Minji’s hair and holding her in place. 

“Fuck, Min.”

Sucking even harder one last time, Minji pulls away, her large hands suddenly grabbing Dani’s thighs and lifting her, the shorter girl quickly wrapping her legs around her, still dazed from being owned. Dani collides their mouths together, kissing Minji wildly as her taller friend carries her over to the bed and lays her down. Danielle pulls Minji on top of her, frantically yanking at her shirt.

In their utter desperation to consume and to be consumed, no words are said as Minji sits back and takes off her shirt and vest, watching silently as Dani removes her bra. When it’s disposed of, Dani sits back up and mirrors Minji’s position, placing a soft kiss to her plump, swollen lips as she pops the button of her shorts and pulls the zip down agonisingly slowly, before pushing them down, leaving Minji to do the rest.

Danielle lays back, left only in her underwear, the outside light spilling gold across her ribs. Minji drags her gaze slowly up along her legs, long torso and finally her throat before meeting Dani’s burning eyes and crawls to lay down alongside her. Sensing the slight hesitation, Dani immediately moves to soothe her, cupping Minji’s face in a grounding movement, before bringing their lips back together to reignite their passion, her hands stroking Minji’s back and hips. 

They don’t know how long this particular movement of their symphony of denial lasts for, Minji delicately tracing Danielle’s skin like a forbidden poem, committing every word of the unspoken language to memory.

Feeling emboldened again, the older girl rolls Danielle onto her back, covering every inch of bare skin with kisses and nibbles over the swell of her small breasts, littering her chest in blossoming light pink marks, before flicking her tongue over a hard nipple. Dani’s loud gasp hits Minji like an arrow and something inside her snaps, her large hands moving more urgently, trailing down the toned stomach beneath her and over the only material preventing Dani from being completely revealed to her. 

Kissing her way back up Dani’s throat, Minji pauses briefly to admire the mark she’s made before claiming her mouth again, slipping her fingers beneath the waistband of her lover’s underwear, Dani bucking her hips immediately into Minji’s touch. Her instant reaction causes Minji to still her hand, her kisses becoming more hesitant, making Dani pull back, tensing a little. Not wanting her to feel self-conscious about anything, Minji pulls back to look at her.

“S-sorry,” she stutters, looking embarrassed. “I-I’ve never actually done this before.”

Dani smiles and runs her finger over Minji’s thick eyebrow.

“It’s okay, neither have I. There’s no expectations here, just don’t overthink it.”

Minji nods and takes a deep breath. She’ll just do what she does best: learn.

She kisses her deeply then, their tongues tangling as her fingers work methodically, watching and listening to Dani’s reactions and following her lead, whilst trying her best to make the girl beneath her believe that Minji is actually the one in control. Their choreographed dance becomes more free, as Minji swiftly tugs on Dani’s underwear, pulling them down and over her feet. As the older girl kisses her way up Dani’s smooth legs and back up to her neck, the anticipation ripples throughout Dani’s body and directly to her heated core, as Minji looks into her eyes, checking for permission, before sliding her fingers inside her, moving purely on instinct. 

Dani responds in kind, filling the heavy air with her moans, whimpers and Minji’s name, floating on a cloud of disbelief that this is truly happening, that the fantasies she has at night are currently a reality. She reaches her peak quickly, pulling Minji into a searingly hot kiss before her body shudders and silently releases all of the tension coiled within it, one hand gripping Minji’s shoulder, the other fisting in the sheets. Minji, who has been lightly grinding herself on Dani’s thigh experiences a small, but intense orgasm of her own witnessing Dani’s ecstasy, the tremors causing her to pant into Dani’s mouth, her lips parted as she tries to breathe. She brings their foreheads together, kissing Dani’s lips gently as she opens her eyes.

“You okay, D?” she asks, her eyes full of concern, uncertain of what should happen now.

Dani smiles softly, stroking Minji’s face with so much tenderness that the older girl thinks her heart might burst with affection.

“Yes, Min, I’m amazing,” she answers, bringing their lips together again in a sweet kiss. She runs her hand over Minji’s stomach and tries to slip her hand into her boy shorts, but Minji catches her wrist and brings it to her lips, kissing the inside of it, lingering on her skin. 

“You don’t want me to?” Dani asks, self-conscious doubt creeping across her face.

“Trust me, D, I definitely do,” Minji smiles at Dani, stroking the sweaty hair off of her forehead. “But if you touch me like that, I don’t think I’ll survive pretending that it didn’t happen.”

A flash of hurt crosses Danielle's features and Minji smoothes out the forming creases above her eyebrows.

“This is everything that I need, D, to give you everything that you want for tonight. Can you be okay with that?”

“I can,” Dani says, pressing a kiss to Minji’s lips. “I understand, Min.”

They kiss slowly and sensually for a while longer, but Minji has her own fantasy and she needs to fulfil it. Sliding her fingers slowly out of Dani, she shifts herself so she’s between her spread legs, subtly wiping her hand on the sheets. She kisses a path down over Dani’s chest and then lower, each kiss deliberate, charting her body with her lips and tongue, as though memorising every part of it to create a map in her mind. 

“You know, I’ve always thought of you as a sculpture,” she says, as she dips her tongue into Dani’s belly button, eliciting a sharp gasp from above her. “Smooth porcelain, chiseled and carved perfection. You’re so beautiful.”

Dani lovingly strokes the top of Minji’s hair and chuckles breathily, her lilting tone music to Minji’s ears.

“Min, do not turn me into art right now. Just…own me.”

“Same thing,” Minji breathes out, before swiping her tongue between Dani’s legs, moaning deeply at the taste of her dreams hitting the back of her throat. The younger girl immediately tightens her grip in Minji’s hair, as her back arches off the bed, the feeling of Minji’s tongue working her most intimate parts overwhelming her. 

The room fills with soft, breathy moans, accompanying the reverent chanting of each other’s names like a hymn, trying to drown out the swiftly imminent final movement of their symphony.

Minji feels and hears Dani’s impending climax before it happens, her body starting to shake as she holds her thighs apart, her voice crescendoing to its peak. When Dani moans Minji’s name, long and drawn out as her orgasm hits, it isn’t just from desire, but is almost a sacred protest, a prayer to try to halt the inevitable end of this moment and thus, of them. Minji listens, not just with her ears, but with her entire body, feeling every emotion pouring out of Danielle, squeezing her hand in solidarity.

Danielle can’t help the tears that leak from her eyes as she squeezes them shut, clutching Minji’s hand tightly as her orgasm pulses through her, over and over again, the unbearable weight of it all crashing over her in waves. Minji slowly brings her down, struggling to contain her own emotions, taking her time to savour the final sustained note of their shared music. 

And then…silence.

Minji places soft kisses on both of Dani’s still trembling thighs, before moving back up to lie next to her, wordless, but weighted. They both stare at the ceiling, tears streaking their faces as they contemplate what has just happened.

“Thank you, Min,” Dani whispers sincerely, but the words are laced with sadness. “It was perfect.”

“You were perfect,” Minji responds, trying to keep the jagged edges of her heart together. “Thank you…for everything over the last few days. I won’t forget it.”

Dani doesn’t answer, but Minji feels her upper body shuddering beside her. She wraps the other girl in her arms, kissing her with everything she has left, needing Dani to know that she’s feeling the same way, that she understands. 

After a while, Dani’s movements start to slow as she drifts in and out of sleep, her lips moving lazily against Minji’s. 

“Sleep, Danielle,” Minji whispers against her, kissing her forehead. “I’ll be here to take care of you all night.”

Dani tightens her grip around Minji’s waist and snuggles into her neck, succumbing to her exhausted slumber mere seconds after Minji had spoken.

Minji holds her tightly, kissing the top of her head every so often as she listens to Dani’s breathing deepen. She’s glad that she’s already set the alarm that she needs to wake up for their flight the next morning because there is no way that she’s willing to move from her current position.

She turns to look in the mirror opposite, staring at their tangled remains in the stillness, the aftermath of what will undoubtedly be a car crash of epic proportions. For once, Paris is silent, Boulanger’s haunting ‘D’un Soir Triste’, the last piece of music played on Minji’s phone, weaves itself throughout her thoughts, further tainting her mood. She refuses to let the darkness outside filter into her and ruin what this night means to her, to them, so she wraps her arms tighter around Danielle’s body and allows herself to sink into her comforting presence, knowing that tomorrow, she will have to learn how to, once again, be without it.

The moonlight streams in, illuminating their silhouettes, as they sleep:

Like Art too delicate to be displayed on a wall.

Like Music unresolved with an imperfect cadence.

Like a Philosophy that is left uncompleted, suspended mid-sentence. 

Chapter Text

The sun had replaced the moon when Minji next opened her eyes. She had, as usual, beaten her alarm, her body unnecessarily alert to needing to be up for important things, and often, sadly, for nothing at all. Dani was still asleep in her arms, tucked under Minji’s neck and her arm tight around her waist, the sunlight glinting off of her naked form as the sheet had bunched around their entwined thighs.

She stirred lightly, shifting the slightest amount before seemingly going back to sleep. Minji remained still, watching Dani’s eyelids flutter a little, her breathing returning to its deeper state, and combed her fingers gently through her messy, wavy hair. She gasped, then smirked with pride as she saw the mark that she’d made on Dani’s neck. It was much bigger than she’d thought and a deep shade of purple, standing out against the paleness of Dani’s skin. She traced her finger over it, thinking how pretty it was, but also wondering how the hell Dani was going to keep it covered. 

Minji had exceptionally specific sleep habits, so the fact that she’d been able to fall asleep like that, with somebody else this close to her, invading her personal space was baffling to her. But then she considered that this same somebody had laid herself completely bare to her, in the most intimate way and they had created a shared memory that neither would forget, so logically, it made sense that she’d felt safe enough to sleep entangled with Danielle.

Logic and reason-where the fuck had they been last night? 

Her beliefs remained as intact as they’d ever been, but she had to admit that she was shaken. How had she allowed herself to discard her core beliefs so quickly, beliefs that she’d held onto since she was young? She’d cast them aside as easily as she’d shed Dani’s clothing and it now left her with a moral conundrum. 

What Minji really wanted to do in that moment, was to wake Dani up with a passionate, fiery kiss, to feel her body beneath hers, slide her fingers deep inside of her again and taste her until she cried out her name. That was all she desired, her body heating and clenching at the memories of the night before.

However, she knew her beloved reason and logic dictated that if they succumbed a second time, it would only make it harder for them both to handle the painful reality of their situation. On top of that, she didn’t even know if Dani would want, or be able to be that vulnerable again.

Danielle stirred again, this time blinking slowly before opening her eyes. Minji couldn’t help but to smile fondly at how disoriented her friend seemed, her long, fluttering lashes making her look like Bambi discovering the world around him. Dani looked up and their eyes met. The gaze between them was neither bold nor shy, just uncertain, and Minji was suddenly reminded why it had been so easy to forgo her beliefs.

When Danielle looked at her like that, she remembered just how in love with her she was.

Minji wanted to say something, but her throat felt tight, unable to get anything out that wouldn’t be a full declaration of her love. They stared at each other in silence for a while, Dani seemingly struggling in the same ways that Minji was.

“Did you sleep?” the younger girl eventually asked, her eyes soft.

“I did, yes,” Minji answered, nodding. Dani, realising that she was still completely naked, tried to pull the sheets up a little more, before concluding that it was pointless with how tangled up they both were. Minji, noticing her mild discomfort, reluctantly tried to pull herself away so Dani would be able to cover herself if she wanted, but Dani’s grip around her waist held on tight.

“Not yet,” she whispered, bringing her hand up to Minji’s, but faltering, uncertainty surrounding her. “Please…just a little longer.”

Minji brought her fingertips to Dani’s, lingering there before entwining their fingers and exhaling in contentment. She wanted to say everything and nothing at the same time, desperate to both let Dani know how she was feeling, but also not to make their situation worse.

“I wish that we had more time,” she said, instead, hoping that conveyed enough for Dani to understand.

“I know, Min,” Dani said, her voice choked with emotion, before burying herself back into Minji’s chest, unable to see the tear slipping down Minji’s face as she fought to keep herself together. “So do I.”

And that was that.

Any grand gestures seemed futile as they both knew that nothing would be the same, no matter how much they pretended otherwise.

No promises.

No final kiss. 

No goodbye.

Their bags were packed and ready by the door, as Minji and Dani sat opposite each other on the balcony eating breakfast. The bright sunlight was harsh, an exceptionally hot morning for late spring in Paris, but the atmosphere between them was chilly, at best, both of them even more tense than when they’d first arrived, though at least this time they were aware of why. It didn’t make it any easier, the small table between them seeming to separate them by miles.

Minji continuously stirred her cup of tea, the repetitive motion and clinking of the spoon soothing her chaotic mind. 

“Aren’t you going to drink that? It’ll get cold,” Dani said, tightly. The motion and sound was actually deeply irritating, but she tried to keep it out of her voice.

“Huh?” Minji looked up, averting her eyes quickly when they briefly met Dani’s, the other girl doing the same. “Oh…sure.”

She stopped stirring, but instead of drinking the tea, she just placed the spoon back down and picked up a piece of toast instead, nibbling at it absentmindedly. She wondered what Danielle was thinking, raising her gaze just enough to see Dani pushing her scrambled eggs around her plate. Was she already regretting what had happened? Minji tried to act as normal as possible, but inside she was a mess.

“Look, Dani, I…I don’t want us to become strangers,” she said, gulping down the minute piece of toast that she’d bitten off, the piece still feeling too large for her tightened, dry throat.

“Me neither, Min,” Dani said quietly, though she still didn’t raise her head. Her brows furrowed as she stabbed the smallest bit of egg and placed it in her mouth, chewing slowly.

She snuck a glance at Minji, hoping to catch the older girl’s eye and be able to hold it, to have some semblance of normalcy before they returned, but Minji was focusing determinedly on her sausage. She sighed loudly and picked up her slice of toast, reaching for the jam in the centre of the table. Minji had reached for the jar at the exact same time and their fingers brushed lightly, the touch charged with electricity.

Dani recoiled swiftly, getting her wish and meeting Minji’s eyes with an overloaded gaze. Hurt flashed across Minji’s face at her action and Dani wished she could take it back, wanting her to know she didn’t mean it like that, but she ultimately decided that it was for the best. The sooner they were able to be around each other as they used to be, the better, though it was a constant struggle not to reach for her right now. 

Danielle hadn't known that she would feel this empty. 

Minji put down the jar of jam without opening it, leaving her toast dry and bare. She tried to deal with the tightness in her chest and knew her eyes were now filled with tears, the pain of rejection stinging in a way she had not experienced before. She stood up, hesitating before pushing her chair in.

“I’m going to go and check us out,” she droned monotonously, waiting for a few seconds, before turning and walking away from the balcony. “You should eat some more.”

Dani burst into tears as the door to the room closed, the click of the lock echoing loudly, her body unable to keep up the pretence anymore, the pretence that this hurt far more than she had anticipated.

With Minji gone, the silence was too loud.

Minji’s anxiety was at an all-time high, a combination of her fear of flying and the new strained relationship between her and Danielle. She knew how to combat the former, she had her methods to help with that, but the latter was so new, the feelings so fresh that she had no idea how to navigate the space that they now found themselves in. 

She took a deep breath, trying to ground herself, utilising all of her tried and tested methods, as the plane taxied. Ideally, she knew that what would calm her the most would be the feel of Danielle’s arms around her, stroking her hand or wrist, her soft voice telling her she would be okay and providing her with the safety that she needed, but she couldn’t have any of that right now, so she would have to find a way to do this alone. She would have to find a way to not crave Danielle’s touch or presence until they returned to normal.

Danielle watched Minji in her peripheral vision as she struggled with her anxieties. She longed to reach out, to provide her friend, her…whatever she was…with some comfort, anything that could help relieve what was going on inside her, but she didn’t know how much she was allowed to do. It’s not like they could never touch each other again, that was impossible given their living and professional situations, but maybe they weren’t allowed to do so when they were currently in such heightened emotional states. 

As the plane started to take off, Dani could hear Minji counting backwards, her knee jerking uncontrollably and vigorously spinning her ring and her heart ached for her. She couldn’t just sit there whilst she was suffering, so without looking, she reached over and took her hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. She felt Minji squeeze her hand in gratitude, but neither of them turned to look at each other. 

As the plane reached its peak and straightened out, Minji calmed down but didn’t let go of Danielle’s hand. It had been a small gesture on Dani’s part, but to Minji it had meant the entire world. The need for each other’s presence was clearly shared, but they didn’t know how to effectively communicate how they were feeling, neither daring to be verbally vulnerable.

After a while, Minji felt Danielle’s hand slacken in her grasp and glanced at her to see that she had fallen asleep, her fingers still entwined with Minji’s longer ones, clinging to their last moments in her slumber.

Minji stared at Dani’s reflection in the window, her face soft, but twitching, clearly not peaceful in her sleep. She clutched onto her hand even tighter, hoping that she could feel her there. She knew she couldn’t hold onto her forever, this solitary moment would have to suffice and Minji knew deep down that it would never be enough. Not anymore. 

So, as she couldn’t hold onto Danielle, she decided to try to get some sleep herself and hold onto the memory of their time together for as long as possible.

Minji awoke to find Danielle’s body had turned inwards towards her own, seeking her out in the same way that they had slept the night before, her head resting on Minji’s shoulder. Her breathing had now deepened and she was seemingly much more at ease than before. 

Minji’s whole body tensed, not knowing how to react, her arm naturally beginning to raise to wrap around Dani, but she stopped before shifting her from her position. As painful as it was, she had to start distancing herself. It was the only way that she truly could protect Danielle, as well as herself and the group. She sat stiffly in her seat and leaned away from the younger girl, refusing to go as far as to remove her from her shoulder, as that would be unnecessarily cruel when she seemed to need the comfort.

Sighing, she took out her headphones, scrolling her phone for a playlist to match her mood, settling for her curated list of French piano pieces. She was honestly miserable to the bone and wanted to allow herself to wallow in her despair before having to return to her world of façade and make-believe. 

When they had briefly visited the Notre-Dame, Minji and Dani had heard one of the resident choirs rehearsing Poulenc’s ‘Litanies de la Vierge Noire’. Danielle hadn’t liked it, saying it made her insides crawl, but Minji had been fascinated by it - the dissonance and overbearing organ making for a deeply affecting moment. 

Scrolling through Poulenc’s works, she added a few of his piano pieces to her playlist and was immediately drawn to the title ‘Mélancolie’ as it seemed perfect for her planned wallowing session. Glancing again at Dani’s sleeping form, she took a deep breath and tried to relax, listening to the piece and letting herself actually feel the emotions that it was evoking. 

To her surprise, it didn’t have the effect that she’d been expecting, the constantly switching major and minor tonality summoning a sense of nostalgia along with the deep seated melancholy. Rather than sinking into the depressive state that she’d anticipated, Minji found herself thinking back over the last few days, of all the fun times that she and Danielle had shared: the smiles, the laughter, the beauty of the city and real, heartfelt love. 

She had felt pure love for the first time in her life and for that alone, she would always cherish Danielle and their time together, even if it had to end. There was sweetness amongst all the pain and she realised that is what she needed to grasp hold of, to get through what she knew was about to be a difficult time for the both of them.

But as much as she tried to hold on to the positives, her heart felt truly heavy. She was in love for the first time in her life and she had to pretend that she wasn’t. She wasn’t just sad, she was angry. Bitter tears fell as she realised just how furious she was: furious at herself for being so rigid and riddled with fucking anxiety, furious that she was the oldest and had been made leader of their group and furious at the universe for putting Danielle right in front of her, but keeping her just out of reach.

She sighed deeply, looking over again at the sleeping girl next to her. She knew she could never be mad that Danielle had been brought into her life. She loved her, and had done for much longer than even she’d known. Against her better judgement, Minji took Dani’s hand again and held it tightly, closing her eyes and finally allowing herself to embrace the music, wallowing in her self-pity.

When Danielle woke again, Minji was asleep, face turned towards her and still holding her hand. She smiled fondly at her, until she realised her cheeks were stained with dried tear tracks. She reached over and stroked her hair, letting her fingers run over her beautiful face and tried to erase the evidence of Minji’s pain.

The shock of the previous night was finally wearing off. They’d actually had sex. It had really happened and not just in her head. Danielle bit her lip as she couldn’t keep away the memory of Minji’s hands and mouth all over her, touching her in ways she never imagined that she would. It had been so much better than she’d ever thought it could possibly be and now, she was supposed to just forget that it had ever happened.

She’d been an idiot to think that she could be hers for only one night. She touched the place where Minji had bruised her, wincing slightly, but also squirming in her seat, when she remembered the moment that it had been made and what it evoked in her. What was it about Minji that made her want to kneel in complete submission? Danielle had told Minji to own her, to make her hers, but she’d never expected how real that would turn out to be. 

She ran her finger over Minji’s thick eyebrows that she loved so much and wondered why she hadn’t let her touch her in the same way. She’d desperately wanted to, to make her feel good under her fingers and tongue, wanted to know how she tasted and what she felt like, but she also respected her decision, even if she was heartbroken by it, because that had been her one chance.

She traced her finger down Minji’s nose and over her lips, the lips that had felt so good against her own, around her nipple, between her legs with her tongue inside her… 

She closed her eyes and bit her lip harder to suppress a moan as her body reacted to the heat rising through her. She had to stop thinking about it because there was just no place for it anymore. Sighing, she reluctantly removed her hand from Minji’s face, instead brushing off a few crumbs on her hoodie and adjusting her seatbelt. 

A few hours later, both girls were awake and pretending to eat the dinner that they’d been provided, pushing the food around aimlessly. Once again, silence had pervaded the air around them. Minji looked over at Dani’s full tray and then turned to face her.

“Hey, you should eat more, you haven’t eaten much today,” she said, her voice concerned. Dani looked up at her in surprise - it had been hours since she’d last heard her voice.

“Speak for yourself,” she scoffed, nodding her head at Minji’s tray, also still full of food. “You need to eat too.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll make you a deal,” Minji smiled at her. “You eat yours and I’ll eat mine. Deal?”

“Deal.” Dani smiled at the moment of warmth and care between them, but it was soon erased as she instinctively raised her hand to shake on it. Minji looked like she was about to have a panic attack at the thought of taking her hand so openly, so Dani awkwardly changed it to the position for a high five. Minji quickly obliged, before turning back to her food at lightning speed and started eating, keeping her gaze down and her mouth full.

Dani closed her eyes in embarrassment and pushed the hurt down her throat, along with her food. An air stewardess stopped next to them and adjusted one of the overhead lockers.

“You girls okay?” she asked, jovially.

“Yes, thank you,” they both replied monotonously, in unison. Well, Dani thought, at least they still shared something between them, even if it was the lie that they were fine.

After their trays had been taken away, Dani took out her headphones and scrolled through her playlists, preparing for the last part of the flight. Next to her, Minji took out her book. She had finished Much Ado about Nothing and was now reading “Every Word You Cannot Say”.

Minji had her book open, but didn’t read a single word.

Danielle had her headphones on, but didn’t listen to a single song.

The silence loomed on, louder than anything else, except their grief, overwhelming them to the point that neither could connect to the simple things.

Just like so many other parts of the day, the car journey from the airport was completely silent. Now they were back in Seoul, the two of them were as covered up as possible, baseball caps and sunglasses firmly in place, most of their facial expressions covered by their masks. Minji was a complete wreck, both her hands clutching the edge of the car seat as she rocked back and forth, taking increasingly laboured breaths as she tried to process just what was happening. She may have been close to having an anxiety attack, but she still noticed Dani swiping under her sunglasses quickly, a small sniffle escaping.

Around the corner from their apartment, Minji took Danielle’s hand, holding it tightly.

“Dani?” she whispered, knowing it would be the last chance to say anything to her before they would be surrounded by the others. “W-will you be okay?”

Dani turned to face her, Minji unable to read her eyes or see what her mouth was doing, unnerving her.

“I-I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I guess I’ll have to be. You?”

“No,” Minji shook her head profusely, her voice choked. “I don’t think that I will be for a while, but what choice do I have, but to be strong?”

“You don’t have to be, Min, you’re not alone,” Dani said softly, gripping her hand. “I’ll still be around and…and…”

Danielle desperately wanted to try one last time to reach her, to appeal to her heart and not her mind, but she couldn’t handle the rejection again right now.

“...and we’ll always have Paris,” she said, turning away, her emotions beginning to get the better of her.

“We’ll always have Paris,” Minji repeated, as the car pulled up outside their apartment. When Dani grabbed the handle to open the door, Minji wracked her brain to say something, anything to keep the girl she loved connected to her. She called meekly after her, her voice barely above a whisper: “Friends?”

Dani’s hand stilled on the handle, one foot outside the car as she whipped her head back sharply, ready to unleash, but when she looked back at Minji, her body language seeking any type of reassurance, she just couldn’t find the energy and at this stage, what else was there to say?

“Friends,” she replied instead, resigned, the finality in her tone punctuated by the slam of the car door.

As soon as they opened the door to their apartment, Hyein was there and bounded into Minji’s arms, hugging her tightly, following up with Dani afterwards. 

“Unnies, I saw the car pulling up. I missed you. Did you have a good time and journey?” she said, her bright energy lifting both girls, making them temporarily forget their issues. 

“I missed you too, baby hamster,” Minji said, forcing a smile onto her face and ruffling Hyein’s hair affectionately. 

“I waited up just to welcome you home, but I’m going to bed now,” Hyein said, yawning, causing both girls to genuinely smile for the first time in a while. “See you in the morning?” 

They said goodnight to their youngest, as she ambled to her room and closed the door. Thankfully, Hanni and Haerin came out of the kitchen before Minji and Danielle were left alone and similarly to Hyein, Hanni sprinted straight up to Dani, wrapping her in a huge hug, whilst Haerin walked towards Minji, immediately noticing her body language was off. 

Danielle felt a little more at ease and hugged Hanni back, needing the comfort that only her best friend could provide. Unfortunately, Hanni pulled back and instantly started to bombard her with questions.

“So, how was it? Was Paris as amazing as you thought it would be? Tell me everything?” she shot out, talking at a mile a minute. She watched, puzzled as Dani tried to answer, her mouth opening and closing, settling for a closed-lipped smile that Hanni noticed didn’t meet her eyes. Her excited expression morphed into one of immediate concern.

“Wait, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Dani nodded tightly, still unable to open her mouth. Hanni looked past her to where Minji was standing by the front door, her head down, Haerin watching her closely. She walked over to her and gave the older girl a quick hug, noticing the tension that seemed to be between her and Dani and the similar look on her face.

“Hey Min. It’s good to have you back,” she said, eyeing her warily. “Did you have a nice time?”

Minji took a second to breathe before answering, trying to level her voice out to a point where she sounded normal.

“Yeah it was really great,” she replied, flatly. 

Hanni picked up on her tone and looked between Minji and Dani, the energy between them feeling slightly hostile. She was about to say something, but decided now was not the time, so she grabbed the handle of Dani’s bag and headed towards her room.

“Come on, Dani, you must be exhausted,” she said, quietly. “I’ll help you unpack. Goodnight guys.”

“Night Haerin, we’ll catch up tomorrow?” Dani smiled, Haerin returning the acknowledgement. Dani turned to Minji, her expression suddenly sad and pained.

“Goodnight Min,” she said, her voice timid and strained.

“Goodnight D,” Minji said, forcing the painful lump down her throat. They held their gaze a second longer and then Dani turned and followed Hanni into her bedroom.

Minji watched her, her eyes trained on the empty space that Dani had left, her heart feeling her absence. She also felt Haerin’s gaze boring into her, having witnessed the interaction.

“You’re…quiet,” Haerin said, still staring at her best friend’s expression.

“I’m just tired, Haerin,” Minji responded, avoiding Haerin’s inquisitive gaze.

“No, that’s not it,” Haerin observed. “But I’m not going to press you on it. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I’ll make you some tea, okay? Go put your bag away.”

Minji smiled gratefully at her best friend as she headed back to the kitchen, happy that she knew her so well. Haerin was incredibly intuitive and would know that the last thing Minji would want right now would be to talk about anything, but just the small gesture of making her a soothing hot drink meant everything. She grabbed the handle of her bag and went to her room, wondering how she was going to sleep without Danielle’s presence beside her.

Chapter Text

The water felt a little cooler than usual, as Danielle moved herself through it. Each stroke propelled her backwards as her eyes fixed on the beams above, the cold, fluorescent lighting bringing her back to an even harsher reality.

She was happy to be back in the water, her body had missed it, even though it had only been a few days since she’d been swimming in the hotel pool in Paris. Her limbs cut sharply through the water, the silence from being alone and partially submerged underwater bringing a sense of calm to her that she desperately needed after the last few days.

Her rhythm faltered as she was reminded of how optimistic she’d been during that last swim, how she’d genuinely believed that she’d made a breakthrough with Minji on the Eiffel Tower and that it was going to lead to something more between them. She tried to regain her form, but she had been thrown off and when she reached the end of her lap, she stopped, pausing her watch and stood to take a few breaths, levelling out her thinking. 

Hanni, of course, had tried to ask her what was wrong the night before, but she’d avoided her questions, insisting she was just too exhausted and needed to sleep. She knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid her today though, and that was why she’d found herself in the pool at 05:30 that morning, as they had a packed schedule for the next couple of days. Hanni was meeting her after her swim for breakfast and she would have to tell her something, because her bestie was relentless when it came to finding out information from her. 

Danielle shook the impending conversation out of her head and took off swimming again, needing to find solace in the repetitive motion that it provided and for a while, it was working, the mechanical movements as her muscle memory took over allowing her to clear her mind. She let her breathing find its rhythm, as she glided seamlessly through the water like a knife blade through soft butter. 

But it didn’t last for long, because whilst the distorted, blue, wavy refractions of the water on the ceiling tiles kept her distant, the warmth of Paris was intruding from beneath her, enveloping her in its tight embrace, refusing to let go. When an image of Minji hovering above her flashed across her mind, her body suddenly remembering the feel of her soft skin pressing against her own, her name whispered as a moan in her ears, she faltered completely, overcompensating her movements and ended up splashing a huge amount of water into her face as she was breathing in. She moved to the side, coughing hard, trying to catch her breath. Tears sprung to her eyes and she let out a feral scream, slamming her hand against the water surface in frustration, glad that she was the only one in the pool hall. Was there nothing left for her to enjoy?

Turns out that the water could drown out everything, except for her memories, except for Minji.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Seoul, the harsh squeak of trainers on the PVC-covered sprung wooden floor seemed extra loud at 05:30 in the morning, as Minji darted around the badminton court with her training and doubles partner, Gayeon. She’d considered asking Haerin to accompany her to the badminton hall, but she knew her best friend hated being forced to get up when she didn’t have to and would only be a complete nightmare to deal with, so she decided that as Gayeon was usually already at the courts early and generally didn’t like to speak too much, unless it was to do with the sport, she should be in the clear for a morning of using her trusted physical routine as balm to soothe her shattered soul.

Minji’s mind emptied as they rallied, the impact of the shuttlecock on racquets providing a steady metronome beat, Minji wishing she had warmed up for a bit longer as she felt her muscles straining more than usual, as she’d not done any of her normal training for about five days now.

She appreciated Gayeon’s barely verbal companionship more than ever right now, the thought of being asked the dreaded question, “what’s wrong?”, weighing constantly on her mind. She couldn’t even put everything into words for herself, let alone try to either explain, or play off, how she was feeling.

“You’re off-form,” Gayeon’s voice came from the other side of the court. Minji looked over, surprised to hear her voice.

“Huh?” she answered, confused.

Gayeon walked towards the net, Minji doing the same to meet her in the middle.

“I said, you’re off-form. Your swings are wild and you’re sluggish,” Gayeon repeated. “Are you sick, because you know we have a tournament coming up soon?”

Minji went to grab her electrolyte drink, gulping it down and trying to re-focus.

“No, I’m not sick. I’m just jetlagged - it was a busy few days and I only got back last night.”

“Well, sort it out. This tournament should be a breeze. We’re a shoe-in for the gold medal, so get your shit together.” Gayeon walked back to her side, wiping her forehead with her towel. “Okay, you ready?”

They went again, testing each other to the limit and Minji found herself relaxing into her routine again, her racquet slicing through the air with precision and control. Minji was good, very good in fact, and she felt more emotionally and physically balanced as they played extra sets and she settled into her familiar moves.

Dani humming the melody of the song she was writing suddenly interrupted Minji’s flow, a visual of her sitting on the balcony with her guitar flashing into her mind. The sound of Dani’s laughter whilst they’d had breakfast at her favourite cafe, her moaning Minji’s name over and over again, as she was buried deep inside her…

The harsh sterile light of the badminton court was the complete opposite of the soft lights of Paris and all of a sudden, it was disorientating to Minji, whereas it had never bothered her before. Paris was over, she reminded herself as she prepared for her signature combo of a backhand cross-court smash followed by a forehand smash, jumping and landing the first shot hard, before pivoting and swatting angrily at the shuttlecock falling sharply above her raised right hand. 

The sound of the shuttlecock hitting the ground was deafening. She’d completely missed it. Her signature shot combo that she’d executed perfectly for years had failed. Gayeon just stared at her for a beat, looking at Minji’s dejected face and decided not to comment on it.

“Let’s go again.”

Minji was completely out of sync and off-rhythm and Gayeon was right - she needed to get herself together. That combo had always been pivotal to her strategy and she couldn’t let her partner down.

It was her duty.

It was still early when Danielle finished showering and was getting dressed in the changing room, nobody about, but her. Hanni burst through the doors, looking annoyed.

“Dani, will you come on,” she exclaimed, haughtily. “I’ve been waiting out there for ages.”

“I’m coming, calm down,” Dani said, rolling her eyes at her friend’s dramatics. “I just have to finish getting dressed.”

“Alright, well we’ll have to hurry, we have choreo practice for the main b-side in a couple of hours.”

She sat on a bench and began scrolling her phone mindlessly as Danielle started moisturising in her underwear, before putting on her shorts and pulling her t-shirt over her head.

“So, tell me about Pa-” Hanni cut her sentence off with a gasp, her mouth wide open. Dani looked up at her.

“What?”

“What do you mean, “what?”?” Hanni hissed. “What the fuck is that on your neck? Is that a hickey? It’s so big it looks like you’re haemorrhaging from the inside.”

Danielle slapped her hand over her neck, flushing crimson to the tips of her ears.

“Isn’t that exactly what a bruise is?” she muttered, sarcastically. “Anyway, shut up. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh hell no, Mo Jihye,” Hanni said, shooting up from the bench. “There is no way you think that you can get away with not talking now.”

Her eyes widened as she put the pieces together: Dani’s cryptic behaviour on the phone when she’d called her the other day, the tension between the two girls when they’d arrived home…

“Wait, did…did Minji give you that?”

Dani closed her eyes and sighed. She’d known that some sort of conversation was going to have to happen, but she was livid at herself for not considering the fact that she needed to cover the stupid mark before she saw Hanni, because she did not want to talk about any of it right now. However, she realised that Hanni had not seen the other marks all over her body and therefore, she only had to know about a part of it.

She rubbed her face as Hanni stared expectantly at her.

“Yes…Minji gave it to me,” she said, trying to keep as much emotion out of her voice as possible. Hanni continued to just stare at her in shock until Dani spoke again. “Can I finish getting dressed? I’ll tell you more about it over breakfast.”

“Fine,” Hanni whined, the promise of more information snapping her out of her trance. “I’ll wait for you outside. Be quick.”

She left Dani alone to finish getting dressed and put on enough make-up to cover the mark completely and not look ridiculous. 

“Fuck,” she muttered, before packing up her things and heading out of the door.

“We don’t have much time,” Hanni said, as she sat back in her seat, her mouth full as she munched on a piece of bread. They were sitting in a quiet cafe around the corner, where they knew they could be guaranteed some privacy. “So, are you going to tell me what the hell happened in Paris?”

“Nothing much, really,” Dani started. “The photoshoots were really fun, actually, the directors were nice and so were the locations. Paris is really beautiful, but you know that because you’ve been, full of art and music, and the architecture-”

“Danielle Marsh,” Hanni stopped her rambling, putting her hand up in front of her face. “You know that’s not what I mean. I’m glad you enjoyed all of that, so let me rephrase the question. What the fuck happened between you and Minji?”

Dani watched as beads of condensation ran down her water glass.

“Again, nothing much. There was a lot of tension between us, but we had a really good time together,” Dani shrugged, trying to keep her emotions in check. She wasn’t ready to tell anyone what really happened or how she’d discovered her feelings. “We had a fight, then walked it off and ended up having one kiss on a bridge…and that’s it.”

Hanni eyed her suspiciously, sipping her juice, then crossing her arms.

“I may be small and cute, but I wasn’t born yesterday, Dani,” she said, sceptically. “You do not get a gigantic lovebite like that from one kiss…in public…on a bridge.” 

Danielle could feel herself losing a grip on her emotions and she clenched her teeth, trying to stop her tears.

“Hey, hey“ Hanni noticed Dani’s sudden distress and softened her tone, losing the humour from her voice. “Dani, what’s going on? You were not okay when you got back last night and neither was she.”

“To be honest, I don’t really know what’s going on, Han,” Dani replied, despondently. “It was the first time that we’ve really spent time together and…and…”

“You have feelings for her, don’t you?” Hanni asked gently.

Dani didn’t answer, still trying to hold back her tears, but nodded.

“And does she reciprocate your feelings?” Hanni asked, trying to be mindful that this seemed to be far more sensitive than she’d thought, though she already knew the answer.

“Well, yes and no.” The misery was pouring out of Danielle now and she didn’t know how to stop it. “She has feelings for me, but…but she’s not willing to explore them. She’s not willing to risk everything that we’ve built.”

“I mean, is she wrong?” Hanni questioned. “Would it be worth it for just a little mutual crush between the two of you?”

Dani looked up at her sharply, her eyes welling up in tears.

“You’re on her side?” she snapped, taking Hanni by surprise. “Why are you taking her side over mine? I’m your best friend.”

“Woah, hang on now,” Hanni backtracked. “I’m not on anyone’s side, Dani, I just want you guys to be okay. I’m sorry if I offended you.”

Danielle rubbed at her face again, feeling the pressure of the conversation.

“No, I’m sorry, okay?” she said from behind her hands. “I’m just jetlagged and exhausted and don’t really want to talk about this right now. What happened happened and that’s that.”

Hanni was perceptive enough to realise that Danielle wasn’t willing to talk about the topic anymore. She knew there was more to the story than she was letting on, but she wasn’t going to push her, when she was already clearly upset.

“Alright look, after you and Minji had that kiss years ago, I noticed that you were deliberately avoiding her. I don’t think you really meant to, but you definitely built some invisible walls around yourself when it came to her. I think she did the same, but you were forced to be together, in the same space and maybe it all just came to a head. It’s probably for the best that it happened, so now it’s out of your system and you can move on. Right?”

Danielle couldn’t tell Hanni that the last thing that she wanted to do was to move on. This wasn’t the equivalent of a caterpillar emerging from its chrysalis and metamorphosing into a butterfly, spreading its wings and being set free. 

In her mind, this was a can of paint being thrown over the most beautiful piece of late-era Van Gogh art that had yet to be seen.

It was a cello string snapping during the second movement of the most exquisitely played version of Shostakovich’s 1st Cello Concerto. 

It was someone discovering why 42 was the answer to life, the universe and everything…and then it blowing out of their hands, floating away on the wind. 

She couldn’t tell her that all she’d wanted to do was curl up in a ball on her floor and cry all day, but she couldn’t because she had to carry on with her schedule.

It was a fucking existential crisis. 

She couldn’t say any of that, so all that she managed to say was:

“Right.”

The group was gathered in the practice room, listening to the directions of their choreographer whilst they stretched. This was the fifth time that they were running through this particular choreography, so it was at the polishing stage, the moves having been learnt and gone over many times already.

The atmosphere was not exactly warm, a factor that seemed to be affecting the group, but not the actual work that they did. They continued as professionally as usual, asking the right questions and listening to the feedback. Hyein seemed oblivious to the clear tension between Minji and Danielle, cracking jokes and injecting much needed energy into the stagnant group dynamic. 

The mirrors surrounding the room only amplified the discomfort in the air, reflecting Dani’s and Minji’s raw emotions, which were barely shielded at this point.

They had not even looked at, let alone talked to each other. Their positioning in the choreography required them to be close and interact with one another a substantial amount of the time, but as they would barely turn their faces towards each other, the choreo was falling flat.

The choreographer stopped the music and gathered them over to her to monitor the run-through.

“Girls, this doesn’t feel like your usual 200%,” she observed, looking perplexed. “This is an immersive choreography, I need you to pick up the energy, especially Minji and Danielle.”

Hanni looked over at Danielle as she was called out, noticing that she kept her expression neutral. As they got up to get back into position, Haerin took a moment to go over to Minji.

“You alright?” she said, looking at Minji with concern, as she noticed her foot tapping incessantly and her spinning her ring. “Do you need to take a break?”

Minji’s brows furrowed as she reckoned with the fact that she had been called out for failing in something that she found easy. 

“No, I’m good. I’ll get it together,” she smiled weakly at Haerin, who was not at all convinced by it, but left her alone for the time being.

The music started again and this time, both Minji and Danielle brightened their expressions, plastering on fake smiles every time that they had to face each other and interact, determined to not affect the group dynamic with their own internal battles. 

“That was better, but it’s still feeling…inauthentic, for lack of a better word,” the choreographer said. “Let’s go again.” 

Hyein whined loudly and then cut it off when Hanni threw her a look, sheepishly slouching back into position. Hanni rubbed Dani’s shoulders in solidarity and offered a small smile, which Dani returned, grateful for her friend’s support. She then went over to Minji. As the vice-leader, particularly in charge of performance, she needed to check in with the older girl.

“Hey, you got this?” she asked, gently. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Minj answered tightly, refusing to let any more weaknesses show. This was totally unacceptable and she would get herself together. She, and she alone. “I’ve got this.”

“Alright, let’s do this,” Hanni rallied the group and they got back into position. 

The song began playing again and they repeated the same moves again, hitting all of their marks and working hard to bring their unique group energy and dynamic to the performance.

“Better,” the choreographer shouted over the music.

It was all going well, until Danielle turned to face Minji and their eyes locked onto each other properly for the first time that day. Dani became instantly distracted, her own melody bursting through her concentration and playing in her head, distorting the rhythm of the song, her moves missing their mark slightly, causing her gaze with Minji to intensify as her intruding thoughts played out on her face.

Minji’s heart skipped several beats and she faltered, throwing her footwork off by half a beat and then, as she spun, her centre of gravity was suddenly off and she tripped over her own foot, falling to the floor. 

The thud echoed and bounced off the walls as the music was turned off. Under usual circumstances, it would have been a moment that cracked the group up, something to brush off and laugh at, but not this time. For Minji, this fall felt seismic, as though everything she’d known up until now was failing her.

Dani immediately ran over to her, grabbing her hand to try to help her up, but Minji jerked it away, as if it physically pained her to touch the younger girl.

“Don’t,” she said quickly, avoiding Danielle’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine.” 

Dani couldn’t bear seeing Minji like this and tried again to help, putting her arms around her and trying to pull her to her feet. Minji yanked herself away sharply, whipping her head up to face her.

“I said, I’m fine, Dani,” she snapped, coldly, getting to her feet. “I don’t need your help.”

Danielle froze, looking as though Minji had just slapped her and they stood glaring at each other in the middle of the practice room, whilst the other three girls looked nervously between each other. 

Dani’s eyes filled with tears and she spun on her heel, heading to the side of the room. She picked up her water bottle, gulping it down in frustration, her tears now falling freely. She took a moment to breathe, her jaw clenched, but then she felt Minji’s coldness wash over her and she hurled her bottle furiously at her reflection in the mirror, cracking it. 

Everything in the room stopped, collective unease permeating their previously safe space. Hyein’s eyes widened and Haerin looked over at Minji and then Dani, deeply concerned by their behaviour. Hanni also looked between the two girls, realising that whatever happened in Paris was far bigger than she’d thought. She went over to Dani and gently touched her shoulder.

“Hey, let’s get you out of here, okay?” she said, softly, unsure what Dani’s response would be. 

Dani stood staring at the place where her water bottle had landed, the repercussions of her actions starting to hit her. She turned to Hanni and nodded, letting the shorter girl lead her out of the room.

Minji watched her go, her heart seizing in her chest, her eyes also filling with tears. 

“Let’s leave it here for today.” The choreographer looked just as uncomfortable as the girls and thought it’d be for the best to give them space. “I think you need to have some time to recover. We’ll meet up again tomorrow.”

Minji’s fists clenched and unclenched, as her breathing shallowed. Haerin and Hyein walked over to her side to hand her her bag and water bottle, Haerin taking her arm and leading her towards the door, as Minji glanced sadly at Danielle’s water bottle laying by the cracked mirror.

She thanked the choreographer and walked out.

A while later, Minji sat in the changing room, her head leant back against a locker wondering just how she had let herself lose control, not just during their rehearsal, but also during her badminton practice that morning.

She had to pull herself together. To be fair to her, Dani had really tried to keep the group dynamic together as best she could, being professional and trying to mask whatever she was feeling and yet she, the great, supposed leader, couldn't even manage to handle one fucking day without ruining it. She should apologise to her, but where would she even start? All that talking to her would do, would be to open the wound further. 

She just had to do better, be better, because otherwise what was the point? It was time to shut Paris out of her head for good and get on with her job. She had responsibilities and she would not allow her emotions to get in the way of that. 

She heard the door to the steam room open and Dani walked out in a towel, her hair slicked back, the skin of her back and shoulders glowing from the heat. She didn’t notice Minji sitting there, hidden by a set of lockers. As she walked towards the mirror, Minji watched her, following the soft shape of her back and catching a glimpse of the mark she’d given her, bright on the surface of Dani’s neck and she longed to reach out and touch her, to say something. 

Minji could see Dani in the mirror, but Dani still couldn’t see her, shrouded in the shadow of the dim light. She watched as Danielle raised her hand and traced over the bruise gently, her fingers lingering as though she were remembering something, the ghost of a memory. Then she reached into her small bag, brought out a tube and covered it up completely, smoothing out the rest of her light make-up to let it blend in. Her war paint completed, she was now ready to battle, to survive. 

It was like it had never happened.

Dani looked at herself a little longer, her eyes flickering briefly with sadness, before she took a deep breath and walked off to the adjoining changing room, leaving Minji alone, her heart ripped to pieces and silence screaming from her open mouth.