Archive of Our Own ^beta

2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

George Russell

I cannot believe I actually have to write this but: I was asked to inform you all that having sex in the public toilets is public indecency and that another mishap will be punished with a fine.

Lando Norris

What

Alex Albon

Who of you nasty fuckers did it in the public toilets???

George Russell

I don’t have any names, obviously, the ones who did it know it anyway. I was just told that if something like this happens again, there will be consequences, no matter who it is.

Carlos Sainz

I bet it was Max and Charles. They both have no impulse control

Alex Albon

Yeah that checks out

Charles Leclerc

No! That wasn’t us!

Max Verstappen

Who says we both have no impulse control?

Pierre Gasly

You don’t

Yuki Tsunoda

Not a tiny bit

Charles Leclerc

I would never have sex on a public toilet

I have more class than this

Max Verstappen

I don’t, but it still wasn’t us

Alex Albon

Whoever it was, I will find you

George Russell

Yeah we definitely don’t need to do a deep dive on this. And if you insist please keep it out of the main chat.

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Isack

Now who of you was that?

Kimi

Not us!

Ollie

To be honest you were my first suspects @Isack @Liam

Isack

Us???

Liam

Oh hell nah

No

Absolutely not

Could you imagine if this came out? Helmut would have our heads. For multiple reasons

Isack

Omg don’t remind me

Gabi

Awww, no workplace romance at RB?

Liam

Not until the dinosaur joins the rest of his family

Ollie

Damn that’s dark

Isack

Well you’re not the one dealing with him

Franco

I relate

I would rather eat sand for the rest of my life than have Flavio find out I’m dating my teammate

Much less a guy

Gabi

Losers

I get to romance as much as I want

Good PR

Isack

Do they actually know though?

Gabi

I don’t think so?

But they might suspect something’s going on

Don’t give a shit either, as long as I get to keep my Nico

Liam

“My Nico”

I want to see the poor soul trying to separate you two

Gabi

Hehe

Kimi

Wait, did you and Nico fuck in the toilets?

Gabi

Ew no

Where’s the romance in that?

Isack

It’s not romantic

It’s sexy

Isn’t that the thing about it?

Like, you want each other so much you can’t wait?

Liam

I will never have sex on a public toilet with you, Isack

Isack

Just you wait

I will think of something else

Gabi

What’s your goal here…?

Isack

Hehe

Franco

But who else was it then?

Kimi

Maybe Lance and Fernando?

Gabi

Oh dear god

Isack

Plot twist: it was George himself

And Alex

Kimi

Nooo, George wouldn’t do that

I think

Should I ask him?

Ollie

Sometimes I fear you

Are not embarrassed of anything?

Kimi

Oh no I am embarrassed all the time, no matter what I do

So I might as well be embarrassing

Isack

If you can’t beat them fuck them

Gabi

What kind of advice is that?

Kimi

Red Bull must be a strange place

Ollie

I don’t even want to ask

Isack

Don’t <3

Liam

50% of your energy goes towards trying to keep the peace, 49% for all the social media we do and 1% car

Kimi

Yeah we can see that

Isack

How DARE you!

Liam

Don’t fuck with us

I survived Red Bull

Gabi

He said with his little participation sticker and manic laughter

Liam

:)

Isack

We’re working through it

Poor baby <3

Ollie

Ew

Kimi

People we lost the plot

Who did it in the toilets??

Liam

Do we have to know?

Kimi

Yes

Isack

I really want to know

Gabi

A little bit?

Liam

Oh fuck me

Isack

On it!

Isack was removed from the chat

2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

Alex Albon

I have some suspects

George Russell

Alex we talked about this. Stop it.

Alex Albon

You can’t stop me

@Charles Leclerc @Max Verstappen you actually have an alibi, so I will leave you alone

Max Verstappen

How generous

Alex Albon

@Lance Stroll @Esteban Ocon have an alibi for each other, and I do believe them, so both of them and @Fernando Alonso are excluded as well

Fernando Alonso

I am too old for these kinds of stunts anyway

Lance Stroll

Whatever you say old man

Lewis Hamilton

@George Russell No efforts of trying to get your boyfriend under control?

George Russell

Lewis I have been trying to get him to stop for a week.

I am tired and over this.

He’s an adult, he can do what he wants, even if it’s extremely childish.

Alex Albon

Love you Georgie <3

@Carlos Sainz can alibi for me by the way so me and George are out too

Anybody else want to defend themselves?

Isack Hadjar

Me and Liam were filming for social media, so it wasn’t us

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Isack

What do you guys think: Isack Hadjar & Liam Hadjar/ Isack Lawson & Liam Lawson/ Hadjar-Lawson/Lawson-Hadjar?

What is better?

Gabi

Lawson-Hadjar

Kimi

Hadjar-Lawson

Because of alphabetical order

Ollie

Lawson-Hadjar has a nice ring to it though

Jack

I would’ve gone with a double name

No particular preference of the order though

Franco

I second Hadjar-Lawson

Liam

I cannot believe you went to the group chat with this

Why are you so petty?

Isack

I am just asking for opinions, mon amour

Am I not allowed to do that?

Gabi

Trouble in paradise?

Liam

He’s pissed because I put a limit on when he is allowed to propose to me

Isack

Summer break NEXT YEAR

I can’t wait for that long!

Liam

We’ve been together for about three months

Isack

If you know, you know

And then he said IF we’re still together

IF

As IF he had a say in that

Jack

@Liam are you safe?

Liam

I am not sure

Mostly stupid I think

Isack

Should have just said yes

Kimi

Wait he already proposed?!

Liam

Not seriously

Isack

It could have been serious!

Jack

Okay Isack how about you hit the breaks for a moment

I know we’re F1 drivers but not everything has to go super speed

Isack

</3

I am heartbroken and sad

Liam

Sorry baby

If you still want to marry me in a year you can propose as soon as summer break hits

But I want something fancier than you with a toothbrush in your mouth

Not a lot fancier, but at least so I can understand you and don’t have to ask three times what the hell you’re talking about

Isack

The moment I leave the car I will go down on my knees

Liam

Fine with me

Gabi

26 July 2026, safe the date!

Kimi

@Ollie when are you proposing to me?

Ollie

Who said I’m the one proposing?

Kimi

You’re the top, you have to propose

Gabi

Isack’s the top?

Liam

Who said that???

Isack

Since when do tops have to propose? Hello??? What kind of medieval gender roles are you pressuring us into?

Jack

Oh yeah you doesn’t know about that medieval monk who wrote “If a man lies with another man, the one who tops has to initiate marriage”

Gabi

Lol

Kimi

I want to be proposed to >:(

Liam

I fear I have no say in the matter

Franco

Can’t just anybody propose?

Jack

Don’t get dumb ideas

Kimi

What?

Isack

What?

Jack

Nothing

Franco

Okay

Nothing

Ollie

@Kimi we can do a promise ring if you want

Kimi

:)

2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

Pierre Gasly

@Alex Albon I have an eyewitness that me and Charles were together most time on that day

So I can be crossed off the list, as well as Charles and Max

Assuming Max is not cheating

Max Verstappen

Cheating with who?

Everything after Charles is either divine or non-existent

Charles Leclerc

Awww Maxie! <3

Pierres Gasly

Ew

Yuki Tsunoda

Ew

George Russell

Mhm

Alex Albon

Thanks Pierre!

Fernando Alonso

I would disagree but okay

Can’t account for taste

Max Verstappen

Yeah sure

No offense Lance

Lance Stroll

None taken

Wouldn’t compare myself to anyone personally

Fernando Alonso

Because you’re incomparable <3

Franco Colapinto

Get a room

Fernando Alonso

Language, child

Esteban Ocon

What is going on today?

Why is everyone so lovey dovey?

Kimi Antonelli

The FIA put something in the water so when they do each other in the paddock again they can expel them

Alex Albon

THE CONSPIRACY lmao

Carlos Sainz

Sounds like something the fia would do

George Russell

Hate to agree.

Nico Hülkenberg

Is someone with Gabi? He’s not answering his phone

Isack Hadjar

Yee

I fear he also had some of the water

I’ll tell him to answer you

Nico Hülkenberg

Thanks Isack!

Max Verstappen

Must be the water

Charles Leclerc

Max I swear to god

Carlos Sainz

Maybe the downgrade was worth it

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Isack Hadjar

Please save me

He keeps talking

I can’t do this anymore

Franco

???

Isack

Gabi

He started talking about Nico

He’s not stopping anymore

Kimi

Lol

Must be the water

Ollie

Lmao

Isack

Apparently Nico has started learning Portuguese

And that’s super romantic and hot of course

Kimi

It kind of is? I would learn any language for my partner, out of respect for their culture and their roots and so on

Ollie

Agree

Franco

Thongs

There, did it

Isack

Haha

Jack

At least Spanish would be useful

Kimi

???

Wait

What

Isack

THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ARE YOU FINALLY OVER IT?????!!

Jack

What?

Don’t know what you mean

Franco

No idea what you mean

I have a crush on Oscar, of course

That’s why I said thongs

Jack

And I meant Carlos

Hence Spanish

Kimi

Should have chosen Fernando if you’re lying

Liam

Does that mean I have to learn French??

Goddamn it

Isack

You don’t have to do anything

Liam

It’s not that I wouldn’t make the effort

It’s just that I love when you talk French to me, it sounds so sweet

But I’m scared what you’re actually saying

Isack

???

Liam

I fear you’re talking bullshit half of the time

Isack

Oh

Yeah guilty lmao

Liam

Imagine Gabi speaking German though

That would be funny as hell

Gabi

Not funny

I’m going to try

If you want to be petty you can do it like Lance

He learned Spanish for Fernando and his family, but refuses to speak it to Fernando because Fernando won’t learn French for him

Every time Fernando tries Lance’s like “Hm? Sorry, I didn’t get that”

Drives both of them up the wall

Isack

I love them so much honestly

They are so weird and cute

Ollie

Weirdly cute

Kimi

Cutely weird

Gabi

Yeah something like that

2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

Alex Albon

We are now down to seven people

Lando Norris

Who’s we?

Alex Albon

Me, Carlos and George

Oscar Piastri

George is in on this now?

George Russell

I am not.

Alex Albon

Fun fact of the day: George is both an unrelenting gossip and a detective. He cannot stop himself if there’s a mystery, even if he wants to pretend like he’s better

Max Verstappen

Sounds like George

George Russell

Excuse you?

Charles Leclerc

Max, stop it

Alex Albon

No. Both of you.

Carlos Sainz

Alex and Charles are like neighbours who walk their dogs at the same time, but their dogs hate each other for no reason so they always have to hold them back when they meet

Lando Norris

Lmaoooo I see that

George Russell

No reason??

Max Verstappen

I’m not going around talking shit about everyone

Charles Leclerc

Max

I said no

George Russell

I will not kick you, but only because I am the bigger person.

Max Verstappen

Sure, princess

Alex Albon

ANYWAYS

My list is down to Lando & Oscar (who are my main suspects right now), Ollie & Kimi (since they can’t prove anything), and Franco

Nico & Gabi say they were with each other, I still think it’s suspicious.

Nico Hülkenberg

Why me? Who should I have sex on the toilet with?

Alex Albon

Idk? Kevin?

Nico Hülkenberg

Kevin’s not even on the grid anymore??

Alex Albon

Maybe you smuggle him around in your suitcase idk

Nico Hülkenberg

So I smuggle Kevin around in my suitcase, had sex with him in the toilets and then got my teammate to lie for me

Because that’s logical

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Gabi

I am so mad right now

Kimi

Lol

Loser

Gabi

Would it be crazy to say we couldn’t have sex in the toilets because we did it in my driver’s room?

Isack

Gabi omg

Please do that

Jack

Maybe don’t do that?

Gabi

I am going to ask Nico if I can do that

Kimi

Why are we still on the list though @Ollie?

Ollie

Don’t ask me

I don’t know the rules of this game

Isack

Guys did you know there’s a photo point in Google maps called “Lawson’s hopes and dreams”?

It’s in Melbourne

Franco

No fucking way!

Liam

I hate my life

I’m going to launch Australia into the sun

Jack

Excuse you?

Liam

Nope

Australia is the scientific equivalent to hell and should be terminated

Jack

Yeah because New Zealand is sooo much better

Liam

We got Kiwis

Ollie

Oh there is one of Kimi too

I think it’s Antonelli’s bowling alley on the Red Bull ring

Kimi
what???

Omg it’s real

Why would you do that

Isack

Guys

There is one called Hamilton’s favourite corner

You have three guesses on where it is

It’s under historical landmarks

Franco

I don’t think I have to guess once to know where that is

Liam

You should have seen him yesterday

He was laughing so hard I thought he would die right then and there

He almost made me a widower before we even had the chance to get married

Isack

AND WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?

OUR CHANCE IS NOW. I WOULD MARRY YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Liam

Wow

I would like to have my family there. Just saying

Isack

We can have a celebration afterwards

We can do legal stuff right now and celebration later

We can marry twice for all I care

Jack

Isack is so determined to make that happen

Isack

And if I can propose only next year, it will probably take another year until we get married!

That’s too long

Liam

That is more than reasonable

Jack

Isack

Liam’s wants and needs are reasonable. Please respect his boundaries.

You have plenty of time together

Isack

Ugh

Fine

Sorry baby

Liam

It’s alright

I wouldn’t be with you if I couldn’t handle it

Kimi

Awwww

Liam

Now don’t make me regret it either

Isack

>:(

2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

Alex Albon

After receiving some new information it is now either Lando & Oscar or Franco

@Franco Colapinto are you dating anyone?

Carlos Sainz

Do you have to date someone to have sex with them?

Alex Albon

Good point

@Franco what can you say for yourself?

Lewis Hamilton

Are we still not over this?

I find it quite invasive

Whoever it was, they are probably humiliated enough

Franco Colapinto

I am under oath

I would be in serious trouble if I told you anything

Alex Albon

IS that a confession I'm hearing?

Franco Colapinto

Yes fine it was me

My partner was very embarrassed

I swear we will never do it again

Alex Albon

Alright, case closed

It was the playboy

Lando Norris

What?

How is that possible?

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Kimi

@Jack did you fuck Franco in the toilets???

Isack

Did he??????

Gabi

Did he?

Franco

Did I?

I have no idea what you're talking about

I never did anything

I'm a virgin actually

Kimi

Yeah of course

Me too

Ollie

?

No you're not?

Kimi

Yes

I'm a guy, so receiving doesn't count

Gabi

Said the medieval monk

That's why the tops have to propose, because they are impure and have to fight for our love

Kimi

Preach

Isack

@Gabi you're a bottom????

Gabi

I mean

Yeah? Vers bottom technically but still

Jack

Eyyy team vers bottom!

Isack

Wow

I'm learning so many things about you that I thought I would have to ask you when you're drunk

Team vers btw

Liam

Team vers

Franco

I'm a vers too!!

Kimi

I'm just a bottom thanks

Ollie

We never tried though

Kimi

You want?

Ollie

Maybe?

Kimi

....

Good to know

Isack

Oop

There it goes

Jack

Vers bottom supremacy

Franco

<3

Jack

Oh no

I’m still mad at you

Franco

</3

Kimi

Was it good at least?

Ollie

Kimi.

Isack

I can always count on Kimi to ask the good questions

Soooo @Jack did Franco fuck you in the toilets???

Isack was removed from the chat

 2025 driver’s group chat (only professional matters!)

Lando Norris

@Franco Colapinto And they caught you in the act???

Franco Colapinto

Pretty much, yeah

That knock was the worst thing I have ever heard

Lando Norris

Oh wow

Seems there was a misunderstanding

Do they know???

Alex Albon

Know what???

Oscar Piastri

Lando…

Lando Norris

Well, funny story, actually

So, we also got caught

We were not fucking, but there was intention

And suddenly boom

I thought they meant us with that statement

Oscar Piastri

Please don’t tell my mom

I will never live this down

George Russell

What

Isack Hadjar

Oh my god this is peak comedy

Wdym you both made out in the public toilets and you both got caught???

Carlos Sainz

If you have to do things like this, at least be smart about it

Max Verstappen

Lol

Nico Hülkenberg

And now they ruined it for everybody else

Esteban Ocon

Yeah exactly

Pierre Gasly

???

Ollie Bearman

Pretty sure that was illegal before too

Isack Hadjar

People just don’t understand passion

Sometimes even the ones close to us </3

Lando Norris

Thank you Isack

Liam Lawson

Still not marrying you

Yuki Tsunoda

What?

Alex Albon

Did we miss a chapter? Or three????

Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)

Isack

Liam!

Liam

Oops

Guess we’re official now

Kimi

Congratulations!

Isack

Omg

<3

Liam

You’re a dumbass

<3

Franco

@Jack can you please unblock me?

I get that you’re mad and I’m sorry

I will never look in you direction again

Kimi

@Jack stop pretending it’s his fault

As if you didn’t have as big as a part in this as he did

Jack

Ugh

Fine

Franco

Thank you Jack <3

Jack

Nope

Still mad

But more at myself than you, to be fair

Ollie

I mean, nobody knows it was actually you

They just think it’s Franco with somebody

Jack

Yeah I hope so

Franco

Yeah about that….

I might have let something slip

Jack

…

Franco was removed from the chat