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Dean was living his best life, as far as being a hunter allowed that of course. How good ofo a life was almost getting killed daily by everything that goes bump in the night. His 'beat life' was currently watching the Scooby-Doo marathon is some random dodgy motel.
John was out doing God knows what. Probably drinking himself stupid in the bar Dean had spotted earlier, down the street. Dean liked to think his dad was entitled to do so, he had a hard life. Raising two kids, while at the same time hunting down monsters all over the country. The alcohol finally gave the man some time to relax. That was, if he didnt manage to get himself into yet another bar fight.
As Dean looked from the screen towards the clock, he noticed it was already getting late. Sammy should get back from the library soon. If he didnt, Dean should give him a call. Make sure he's actually safe. But then again, maybe the kid finally scored some chick in the library, not that it would be likely. It would definitely help get that stick out of Sam his ass though. The last few weeks he was extra pissy. Getting all defensive if called him out on it.
After thinking if he should call Sam right now ot later, he decided to give the kid a bit more space. Turning his gaze back towards the screen. Softly chuckling about some stupid joke they made in the cartoon. Dean was always grateful for moments like these. Moments of peace. No John telling him to stop watching these childish shows, and start being useful. No Sam trying to tell him about the newest piece of lore he discovered for their current case. Just peace and quiet.
Of course that peace and quiet, didnt last long. Sam entered the motel room, shoving the door closed behind him. A book under his arm, still holding the motel key in his hand. Sam and Dean never stopped sharing rooms. John eventually started getting his own room, once the boys were old enough to sleep on their own. But Sam never wanted to sleep alone. Dean never said it out loud, but he was glad to share his room with Sam. He didnt like being alone all that much either.
"Heya Sammy," Dean called out over his shoulder, eyes still trained on the screen. "Find anything interesting?" Dean still asked, he didnt really care about the deep lore behind these monsters they hunt, but Sam did, so he made it an priority to show some interest.
"Uh, yeah, yeah sure" Sam quickly muttered out, putting the thick book down on the table. It was clear in his voice that something was bothering the younger brother.
Dean finally pulled his eyes away from the cartoon. Turning around enough to fully see Sam. Scanning the other Winchester. He immediately saw Sam shift uncomfortably. There was definitely something off. Dean finally threw his gaze upon the book. It looked thick, but not old, not like a lore book. A creeping suspicion made his way into Dean his mind. But he pushed it down, cause Sammy wouldnt leave him. Right?
"Whats up, youre..," Dean gestured vaguely "off."
Trying to stay calm, while knowing what was coming, really was not easy. He had heard Sam talk about college. About leaving the life. And to be fair, Dean had thought about it too, but he never finished high school and it wasnt realistic, no one hot outbof hunting. He couldnt leave his dad, the man would tear him a new one. Make sure that he wouldve felt guilty every single second of his life, if he left. Hunting was is life, he would never leave it. Yet, it was looking like Sam was having other plans.
No, no, Sam wasnt leaving. He and John fought more then Dean and John, bat that didn't mean Sam would leave their dad, leave him? No. Why would he. Sam liked doing research. He liked reading, doing the nerdy part off hunting. Atleast he seemed too like it. Always so excited to see what Dean thought about what he had discovered. Sam wouldnt just leave that behind, right?
"Dean, we gotta talk" Sam started, ignoring Deans earlier comment. Dean did not like that at all.
"Yea, okay. Take a seat. Want beer?" Dean himself needed a beer or twenty more for this conversation. He just hope Sam would accept, giving him an excuse to take another aswell.
Sam gave Dean a pointed look, he was eighteen. Dean knew damn well he wasnt technically allowed to drink yet. Not that they really listened to that. John didnt care what they did, as long as they stayed alive. Dean just shot a 'what?' look in return, and hot himself another beer anyways.
The tension in the motel room was getting thicker and thicker. Sam did take that seat besides Dean, letting out a heavy sigh as he did so. That sigh did not help Dean his nerves. He felt his heart starting to beat at about a thousand miles an hour. This wasnt good. This wasnt going to be a fun conversation. They both hadnt said a thing in about a minute now, but it also could be an hour. Dean his mind couldnt stop running over hours.
"So--" Dean started
"Im going to college" Sam immediately said
The room went quiet again. There it was. Dean his absolute biggest fear. Losing his little brother. Sam was leaving. And he sounded so serious, determined. Dean knew that tone. Sam wasnt changing his mind. Not anytime soon, probably not ever. Didn't mean Dean wasnt going to try. Of course he was. He wasnt just going to let his little brother skip off to college like it was nothing. No, he was going to put up a fight.
Dean had spent his entire life protecting Sam. Hell, he was more of a father to the kid then John ever was. Even if Dean didn't like admitting that fact. The oldest Winchester took a few deep breaths. Trying to stay calm. Trying not to turn his fear into anger, and take that out on Sam.
"Sammy," Dean carefully said. Not really knowing how to go on from there. He just had been ignoring this possibility for so long, he didn't know what to say "you cant, you cant leave"
That staying calm mentality got harder and harder with the second, cause Dean was freaking out. Sam didnt look all to impressed with Dean his answer. Cause of course his older brother would say that. What else had he expected? The man was loyal to a fault to their father.
Deep breaths Winchester, Dean thought to himself. Just keep calm. Dont take your fear and anger out on Sam. Dont snap, just breathe. In and out.
"Dean, look I know this is hard. Its hard for me too" Sam carefully said to his brother. Apparently it was clear due too Dean his entire body language how he was feeling.
Dean chuckled. It wasnt cheerful, it wasnt soft or sweet. It was raw and edging on absolutely losing his shit. Because he was. Dean his entire being was held together with strings. The strings that held him together, have been slowly get cut. Theyve been cutting away at him for years. But he held stable. Ish. But Sammy leaving? His little brother, his world. That was the final string. The final string that kept the shit show called, Dean Winchesters life together. And now it was cut as well. The single thing keeping him forming losing his mind, was leaving him behind. Just like everything and everyone he ever had, has done.
"No, Sam," Dean snapped "youre not going anywhere. Dad would kill me if I let you leave under my watch, my care." Dean started to rant, not knowing how his paranoid thoughts were going to be his exact future "im not letting you leave!" Dean yelled and it was final.
Sam shut his mouth. It wasnt like he hasn't heard Dean yell before. But this was different. Dean sounded desperate, broken. Like if Sam were to actually leave, Dean would fall apart. Fall into so many pieces he would never be able to rebuild himself fully.
Sam gave a short nod. Signaling he wouldnt leave. That he was listening to his older brother and that he was staying.
Dean was so relieved when he saw Sams nod. He thought he had done it. Sam was staying. He had somehow convinced his baby brother to actually stay. He hadnt even said that much, hell he hadnt even got really angry. Sam just, agreed? Something felt off, or it shouldve. But Dean was to busy feeling his absolute best about Sam deciding to stay.
He probably would feel horrible in the morning. Regretting not letting Sam go. Go find a normal life. Go live that white picket fence dream. But right now. He felt amazing. He had his little brother with him and that was all that mattered.
A week has passed. An exhausting week. Sam had brought up college a few times. Apparently the kid had genuinely send out applications. He had really been serious about this. Dean however, just shot him off quickly every time he started about it.
Today, John had found out about Sam his college applications. Sam and John always had been prone to fighting. Always getting on one anothers nevers. But today? Today took the cake. Dean had just sat there, watching the entire thing happen. Eventually when it started getting out if hand. He had stepped in. John had ran off probably to near by bar. Sam cried into his shoulder for god knows how long, while all Dean could do was whisper soft reassurances and gently hold his baby brother.
So yeah, you cant blame Dean for dropping into a deep sleep as soon as Sam had calmed down. Dean was dead to the world.
So Dean didnt wake up when Sam packed his bag. Dean didnt wake up when Sam mumbled his quiet apologies to his unconscious body. Dean didnt wake up as Sam wrote his goodbye letter. Dean didnt wake up as the door closed behind Sam.
What Dean did wake up too, was a hard slap to the cheek. He immediately shot up. Reaching for his gun. Only to be met with a furious and drunk John Winchester. He was yelling at Dean. Screaming about how the hell he couldve fallen asleep. About how this was his fault. And Dean again, just sat there. He had no idea what was going on. He just knew that he was scared. Scared of what John might do to him in this state.
"Dad, I dont--what's happening?" Dean asked his father, voice small, scared
"What happened!?" John barked out, annoyed. He grabbed the back of Dean his shirt. Janking his son out off his bed. Pushing him towards the table, which Dean landed against with a hard smack. And there laid a letter in Sam's handwriting. Deans stomach dropped.
Dean started reading. Each sentence made him feel worse. Betrayed, pained, sad. Sam had left. He ahdnt even said goodbye. He just packed up and left with a letter. Nothing more.
The next hour wasnt pretty. Sam had left, under Dean his watch. So of course, John blamed Dean for Sam leaving. A mad John Winchester was dangerous. A mad drunk one? Dean could count his days.
Normally when Dean took John's heat, it was just emotional bullshit. It wasnt often dat his father got physical. But today, John went all out. He acted like the man he was. Dean had been trying so hard to ignore this part of John. Trying to tell himself his father just had a hard life. But an hard life doesn't excuse abuse. It doesn't excuse the absolute hell Dean went through, just because Sam decided to go to school.
Dean would never blame Sam for choosing to leave. At moments like these. He'd rather do nothing else but run. But he couldnt leave his dad, he never could. Even when he was getting empty bottles thrown at him. Even when he was being punched in the face and getting called an absolute disappointment. Dean would always stay the soldier his father raised him to be.