Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Felicia walked with her friend in complete silence for some time as they crossed the park. She glanced towards the lake and saw ducks along the shoreline. Then she tilted her head upwards as she enjoyed the warm sun for the first time that spring. She smelled the cherry trees blooming, she heard dogs barking and saw people talking around them.

“There is an empty bench over here” Gwen's words put a quick end to Felicia's distracted thoughts.

As they sat down onto the bench she took a deep breath and tried to collect herself. She took a glance at Gwen whose blue eyes looked into the distance, towards the lake. Felicia knew that her friend was giving her space and time, not pushing with questions. After a few moments their eyes met. Gwen's genuine smile was always helpful and calming. It made Felicia smile too. She gave herself a few more moments before she took a breath.

“The reason I wanted to talk to you is...” Felicia stopped for a moment ”I would like your opinion. About Alec.”

Gwen didn't say a word but her expression changed, her smile disappeared and she broke eye contact.

“I know” Felicia continued “You warned me. But I wanted to believe in him. And I still have feelings for him.” she said but even she herself had doubts about that.

“He does not have feelings for you.” said Gwen “Not the ones that matter. He doesn't love you. Never have.”

“He felt like the right man. In the beginning anyway.”

“So what changed?”

Felicia shrugged at first then she stayed silent. They kept sitting there for a few more minutes before she looked at Gwen.

“He says that he loves me, all the time. But it is just words, not actions. I don't feel loved anymore. He talks more and more about himself and he never asks about me. It's like he doesn't care about me, not unless I put on makeup, dress and heels.”

“He is with you because of your looks, not because of who you are.”

Gwen's assessment hit Felicia in her heart but she knew that her friend was right.

“Fel, why do you even like him?”

“He has the looks” said Felicia “And money. He is confident, bold...” she soon realized that she could not say things like honest, caring, loving, attentive, understanding, supportive and other things she really liked in people. Alec was none of that. Then why was she still with him?

“He is a spoiled asshole who is used to getting what he wants. With your perfect body he got the jackpot.” Gwen faced her friend “Fel, you don't need his money. You don't need anything he can offer to you. You deserve someone who loves you. Not the body or a sexy dress. You. The amazing person you are.”

“You are too kind to me, Gwen.”

“We are best friends Fel, whom am I supposed to be kind if not to you?”

Felicia nodded and smiled. She looked at Gwen.

“Have you ever had someone like that? Someone who loved you for who you are?”

“Once, yes.”

“So it's possible to find people who can love us.”

“Of course it is, it just takes time.”

“Like we have time, being who we are.”

“Fel, you chose the suit.”

“Sometimes I regret it.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Fel, that one time I knew real love... it ended because I chose the suit instead of her.”

“Why?”

Gwen shrugged. “I could tell you that 'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few'... which sounds heroic and righteous and... and in part, it was true. To me it feels amazing to help others. But I also wasn't ready for a relationship like that, not when I still had to master my powers, trying to figure out my life goals... and... and I was too afraid to tell her about the suit. About who I am. Who I really am.”

“Do we even have a chance to find someone?” asked Felicia “Who loves us? Cares about us? While we wear the suit? While we have double lives? While we surround us with secrets that we are unwilling to share? While we disappear any time of day and say only excuses?”

“A chance? Sure.” Gwen laughed “But I wouldn't bet too much money on it. Just think about our fellow hero friends, how many of them live in a happy and loving relationship?”

Felicia didn't answer but after a minute of thinking her shoulders slumped and she leaned back against the bench. “None.”

“Fel.” Gwen reached out to hold her friend's hand “It's not hopeless. Not even while we wear the suit. And if you... rather want a normal life with much better chances at finding love, I will not think any less of you if you hang up the suit for good. No matter what you choose for yourself, I will always support you.”

“Gwen...” Felicia reached out and hugged Gwen “I don't even know what I would do without you.”

“You would marry the first good looking asshole that crosses your path.” she laughed.

Felicia chuckled and her hug tightened. They stayed like that for another minute before letting each other go.

“So?” asked Gwen “What will you do about Alec?”

Felicia waited a few moments, then she pulled out her phone and started tapping on the screen. Gwen didn't see what she was typing but she knew Felicia enough that she would do what's best for her. Once Felicia was done she put away her phone and sighed.

“Alec is no more.”

“Good.” said Gwen then she stood up “It's time to celebrate. Ice cream?”

“I am paying.”

“Of course you do, you are the rich girl.”

Felicia laughed then she stood up and followed Gwen down the path towards the food trucks. She felt much better now, at ease, the anxiety gone, she could feel like breathing freely once again. She looked at Gwen and she was glad that she knew her.

“Well” said Felicia with a sly smile “I spilled my heart. But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Exactly! We live together but to me it seems that you barely ever go out. Without the suit that is.”

“I don't wear the suit at the moment.”

“Gwen.”

“Fine. No, I am not seeing anyone and you know well that I haven't dated for... a couple years.”

“We shall fix that. I know this bar that has ladies' nights twice a month. Would be ideal hunting ground for you.”

“Did you really just said 'hunting ground'?”

“I mean... spiders hunt...”

“Spiders... you are teasing me, aren't you?”

“Always, my dear.” laughed Felicia as they reached the food trucks. They walked to the line of the ice cream van that curled around a grand fountain. “So nobody is after my roommate's heart?”

“Not at the moment, no.”

“Gwen. You should live sometimes, I know that the suit is important to you but there is life outside of that.”

“I know Fel and I promise I will spend more time to live.”

“Is that a real promise or just one of those 'I will say anything just leave me alone' promise?”

“I will keep you in suspense till you figure out which is it.”

Felicia shook her head then she leaned closer to Gwen.

“I hope that one day you will find the right woman.”

Gwen looked at Felicia for a moment. She didn't tease her, she wasn't joking around. She honestly wished happiness to her. Something that deep down she herself wished for. Often.

“Me too” said Gwen with a tired smile “But I want you to know that I am not unhappy, Fel. I am fine with how things are. I have friends and I have you, the best of all my friends.”

“At least you appreciate me.”

“How could I not? You have been there for me pretty much all my life.”

“And you have been there for me, Gwen, just as much if not more.”

Gwen smiled and brushed her shoulder against Felicia's who returned it playfully. Felicia felt her phone vibrating, she took a deep breath as she knows who it was.

“I will need a big cone of chocolate ice cream.” said Felicia as she pulled out her phone to turn it off. She barely registered as Gwen's hand touched her chest and shoved her hard. Her feet stumbled at the side of the fountain and she fell into the water.

She could feel the moment she hit the water and going under, sinking for a few of moments before reaching the bottom. Many thoughts ran through her head in that few seconds, one was that her phone probably just died from the water, the second was that her leather jacket is ruined, then she wondered what will the fountain's chemicals do to her sensitive eyes. But the most important question Felicia asked herself was why would Gwen do that to her?

A moment later she saw that a woman with a child also fell into the water. Then a couple too. She could hear other splashes around her. She realized that something was wrong. She put her feet against the bottom and pushed herself towards the surface when she felt a violent pressure shoving her back to the bottom of the fountain along with everyone else. The force knocked the air out of her lungs and in her panic she breathed in water.

She desperately tried to regain her senses and fought to reach the surface. The first breath of air was filled with smoke and ash. Then she heard people screaming. As she opened her eyes she saw the carnage as the food trucks were overturned, broken or just blown to bits, along with the surrounding trees, gazebos, and everything else. The fountain was broken, spraying water everywhere making like it was raining as debris kept falling from the sky.

“F-fuck...” she mumbled trying still to spit water from her mouth as she took in the scene around her. She was looking around, trying to find something in a state of panic. Then she realized what she was missing. “Gwen...? GWEN!” she swam towards the edge of the fountain when she noticed that the woman with the child struggled to get to the surface. She helped them getting out and then she pulled herself from the pool. Her clothes were heavy as they got soaked with water, hindering every movement. She cursed herself for not taking off the damned jacket after she broke a nail as she tried to hold onto something.

As she pulled herself out she coughed from the mix of the water still in her lungs and the air filled with smoke. She struggled to stand up on her legs and she took off her jacket, letting it fall onto the ground.

“GWEN!” she shouted again as soon as she realized that she had to find her. She saw people getting out of the fountain and running away from the scene, some helping others as well. Then she noticed a burnt web hanging from the side of the ice cream truck. She immediately knew that was Gwen's spider web. Whats little was left of it.

She stumbled around, trying to understand what happened, she kept shouting for Gwen but she saw nobody around. Felicia was trembling, she was surrounded by smoke, fire and she stopped at what looked like a bomb crater. She was horrified by the scene but she kept pushing ahead till she saw a piece of cloth that she knew was part of Gwen's hoodie. It was torn, charred and bloody. Next to it under the rubble she saw one of Gwen's sneakers, then she noticed some strands of her blonde hair. It took her a moment till she realized that what she saw was Gwen's body under the debris. Completely still. Lifeless.

Chapter Text

Felicia fell onto her knees and started to hastily remove the debris till she saw the torso. She ignored the hot metal, the wood splinters, the broken glass that she had to dig through by hand and she kept tossing away every single piece that stood between her and Gwen with desperation and determination.

Her breath paced and she coughed as the ash and dust still fell around her. It might took only a couple of minutes but it felt like an eternity to get Gwen free from the debris. She almost threw up when she saw how broken Gwen's body was. She touched the face, it was still warm and soft. She put her ear on Gwen's chest and listened for a few moments. Nothing.

“No, no, no, no no... please Gwen... j-just wake up...” she looked around as in her panicked state she didn't know what to do ”HELP! I NEED SOMEONE PLEASE!” she screamed but she was completely alone. She hit the ground with her fist in anger and she fought hard not to cry.

“You can't do this to me... please Gwen...” she could not ignore all the injuries she saw. Broken bones, cuts, wounds... a leg that was bent unnaturally and the other... was just gone. She quickly used Gwen's belt to tie a tourniquet to stop the bleeding at the missing leg. She leaned close to her face and started to gently tap it a few times as she hoped to rouse her.

“Come on... you are a hero...you have... superpowers and... stuff... you can't just... you can't die...” tears rolled down on her face but she didn't allow herself to start sobbing. She had to pull herself together. She looked around, hoping to see someone but the area was eerily quiet aside from the cracking of the flames that still burned around her.

“Think, think, think...” She started to press Gwen's chest, forcing the heart to work. The first few pushes were hesitant, afraid of hurting her more. Then she kept pressing harder, faster as nothing changed. Then she stopped for a moment to pinch Gwen's nose and blow air into her mouth. She saw as her Gwen's chest rose a bit, just enough to keep Felicia's hope alive, but not her friend.

“Yes, yes this will help, you will be back soon, I promise...”

She kept up the chest compressions for another minute. More like three. Was it five? She got completely lost in time. She stopped to listen to Gwen's chest but her heart still didn't beat. She knew she couldn't just hope for a miracle. She looked around, cursed when she still didn't see anyone around.

“I will not let you die... I will take you to a damn hospital on foot if I have to.” She grabbed Gwen and carried her friend in her arms towards where she hoped she could find help. She screamed as she tried to endure the weight that she never thought she would have to carry.

“You are going to make it. Do you hear me Gwen? You have to. You must.” she stumbled through the debris, she walked past the broken fountain, she saw some people in the distance but seemingly nobody wanted to get any closer. As she kept walking till she heard sirens in the distance.

“Finally” she quickened her pace as much as she could.

She noticed an ambulance and started walking towards it. She wanted to run, she felt she had to be quick but she could barely stand and she was way too afraid of falling and dropping her friend. She felt a light ease when she made eye contact with a paramedic.

“Please... help her...” when they took Gwen from her arms she felt relief for not being alone anymore and then guilt for not being able to help her friend. She watched as the pair of paramedics put Gwen on a stretcher and started treating her.

“Whats her name miss?”

“Gwen.”

“How old is she”

“22”

She started answering some questions without thinking as she just kept staring at Gwen. Her legs began to shake as two paramedics started working on Gwen.

“No breath sounds. No heartbeat.”

Two more paramedics joined the efforts because of the severity of her state. Felicia's knees buckled and she fell on the ground, she started sobbing as she couldn't handle what she saw anymore.

“Massive trauma. Commence CPR.”

She closed her eyes and put her hands on her ears, wishing if she could be anywhere but there. Wanting this to be a nightmare. Some horrible prank. Or anything but reality. Soon she felt hands pulling her up and she was pushed to the back of the ambulance, when she noticed that she sat next to Gwen she reached out and gently held her hand.

“Administering Adrenaline. Successfully Intubated.”

“I am here Gwen... I am here...” she wanted to kick herself for being so weak and useless, she wished if she had some superpowers to help her friend. She promised herself that she would protect her and do whatever it takes to heal Gwen. She focused on Gwen so she could barely hear the people around her who did their best to save her.

“Burn gel applied. Tourniquet on both legs.”

Felicia kept looking at Gwen, she reached out to try to untangle the burnt and bloody hair. Then she grabbed a tissue and tried to clean Gwen's face, smearing ash and blood.

“Another dose of adrenaline is in. Hold compressions.”

“Everything will be all right” said Felicia “You will just... sleep it off... I know you can do it...”

“Nothing. Push another adrenaline quick!”

She heard a beep, her eyes went wide. Then another one. And another.

“We have a heartbeat. Weak but stable. For now.”

Felicia reached out and held Gwen's face.

“I knew you would be back... thank you...” she whispered and she kept holding her hand. Felicia tried her best to focus on Gwen's face and ignore everything else. She just held onto her hand like it was a lifeline. The ride to the hospital was a blur, when the ambulance's doors opened and Gwen was taken away she desperately tried to keep up with the doctors and nurses.

“Female. 22. In critical condition due to an explosion. Bilateral leg amputations, second degree burns, possible concussion, internal bleeding, multiple bone fractures and massive blood loss. Cardiac arrest on scene, successful resuscitation en route.”

Felicia followed the doctors till she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“You can't be with her now, miss.” said a nurse “Come, let the doctors help her and I can take a look at you.” she guided Felicia into a wheelchair.

She sat down without a word, then she saw many other patients around her with minor injuries. She held onto her chest as she felt like her heart was racing. She barely noticed as her wheelchair was pushed into a room and a doctor joined the nurse.

She could hear them saying something to her. Or asking something. But her mind wasn't there, she kept thinking about Gwen. And the explosion. The noise. The screams. And it was just too much. She was startled when a bright light was shown to her eyes. She pulled up her into a defensive position. She could see the flames again and Gwen's broken body.

“Pupils reacting well. Heart rate elevated. She is having a panic attack.”

“Her legs were... gone...” said Felicia and she looked into the distance.

“Superficial wounds on the hands and knees. Remove the wet clothes and give her an IV.”

“I must help her... I must go and help her...” she looked down at her hands, they were covered in dried blood. Gwen's blood. “No... no... I must help her... she needs me...”

“Felicia. You are having a panic attack. Felicia, can you hear me?” the nurse's voice felt like just another background noise, everything felt threatening, loud and bright. Too much. She had to go. Run. Now.

“Sedative... milligrams... hold...”

“GWEN!” she shouted.

And then darkness.

Chapter Text

Felicia felt someone holding her hand.

“Gwen...?”

“No dear, it's me.”

“Mom?” she opened her eyes, her vision was still blurry so she rubbed her eyes but her hand didn't let go her mother's hand “Where is Gwen?”

“Still in surgery.”

“How... How long?”

“If you ask how long you were out, about three hours is what I was told. You are okay. Nothing serious.” she tightened her grip around Felicia's hand as a shiver ran through her body. She took a deep breath before she continued “If you mean Gwen... I don't know. The doctors won't say anything but a nurse told me that they will keep working on her for hours to come.” she stopped for a moment, looking for words “That's good dear. That means that she is alive. I tried to call her father but couldn't reach him. Left him a message. Many actually.”

“Why would you do that? You know they-”

“Felicia! He is her father, like it or not. He has a right to know.”

She looked at her mother and she really wanted to say something but she knew better than to argue. She shook her head and then she looked towards the window, noticing that it was late afternoon, wondering what else she missed while she was sedated.

“Does anyone know what happened?” she asked after a brief pause.

“There was an explosion but nobody knows any details yet.”

“How many...?”

“Nobody died. Only Gwen is seriously injured, everyone else is... like you, cuts and bruises.” she brushed her daughter's face with a smile, not hiding her happiness that she was all right, then her smile vanished “If Gwen wouldn't be in a state like that... then I would say it was a miracle.”

“There was no miracle. It was all Gwen.”

“You mean-”

“She saved everybody. She saved me. And... now...”

Felicia's eyes teared up, her mother hugged her immediately.

“I am sorry dear, I am sure that she will be okay.”

“No mom, she... she will not. She has no legs... she is burnt...she...” Felicia lost it and she cried while her mother held her tight, caressing her hair, consoling her.

“Felicia. I understand. It's bad. Really bad. But now you have to stay strong. Gwen will need you, more than ever.”

Felicia held her mother tight, still hoping and then wishing that it was just a nightmare that she could wake up from. But deep down she knew better. Her mother was right. She had to pull herself together. For Gwen. For her friend who saved her life. That was the least she could do. Had to do. Somehow.

'But how?' she asked herself. She had no answer.

After a few minutes she wiped off her tears and looked at her mother.

“I need to get out of here, I have to see her. I need to be close to her.”

“I will go and find a doctor to release you.”

Felicia nodded. As her mother opened the door she noticed police officers in the corridor.

“What are those assholes doing?”

“Language!” her mother almost hissed before changing to a calmer tone “I guess they are interviewing people who were at the explosion to figure out what happened.”

Felicia saw that a couple of them were walking towards her room. Her mother glanced at her, Felicia nodded.

“Let them come.”

***

The cops asked her some questions that Felicia handled without issues. She was an excellent liar but this time all she had to do was telling the truth. Parts of it anyway. She was walking in the park with her friend, she fell into the fountain and by the time she managed to come out it was all over. She saw nothing, knew nothing and she made sure that she seemed like to be an unreliable witness.

With a little luck they won't check her file, though at this point she couldn't care less. Every second that she had to endure with them felt like a lifetime that she could have used to go and see how Gwen was doing. Soon enough the cops had enough and went away without any useful information.

The doctor also took his time, checking Felicia all over once again. She was released an hour later and as soon as she could put on a change of clothes she ran upstairs with her mom to check on Gwen. The assistant at the information desk told her that her friend was still in surgery. There was no news about how she was doing.

“Come dear” her mother said and pulled her towards the waiting area. “Are you hungry?”

“No.” she lied.

“Felicia”

“NO.” she said with irritation in her voice and sat down on a chair with her eyes looking towards the automated doors of the surgery wing. Her legs kept moving around, fidgeting restlessly. When her mother sat next to her she sighed.

“I am sorry, mom.”

“It's okay dear.” she put her hand on her daughter's to gently hold it. She checked on her phone. Felicia closed her eyes and took a deep breath but she didn't say anything. She realized her own phone was probably in the bottom of the fountain somewhere.

“Fuck.” she said and as her mother looked at her she was quick enough to add “I know. Language.”

“What is wrong, dear?”

“I lost my phone.”

“We will get you a new one tomorrow.”

Felicia nodded, not really wanting to engage in any deeper conversation. She didn't even notice her mother walking away and coming back minutes later. Even then she only paid attention to her when she held a sandwich in front of her eyes.

“Eat, dear.”

Felicia looked at the sandwich and then she slowly held onto it. It looked bad, like any food that people could get in hospitals. She wondered why she didn't just order some food. Oh, yeah, no phone. And she was in a hospital. She barely noticed that she started eating, trying to ignore the taste while it made her stomach grumble less. Chewy meat, tasteless cheese and something green that could have been anything. Ridiculous.

When she finished eating she looked up and realized where she was and why she was there. She looked at her mother.

“Thank you, mom.”

Not for the sandwich but for the distraction it provided, the few moments when her mind was at ease. Her mother smiled at Felicia and pulled her closer to her, putting her arm around her. They just sat there and waited for hours.

***

It was well into the next morning when a doctor walked up to them. Felicia stood up, looking at the doctor.

“Are you Miss Stacy's relatives?”

“Yes” lied Felicia “How is Gwen?”

“Miss Stacy is through surgery, for the time being. She is stable for now but the next few days will be critical. And if she is through that then... there will be still a lot ahead of her.”

“Apologies doctor, I am Lydia Hardy. This is my daughter, Felicia. Can you please give us some more... details?”

“Yes of course, please sit. Miss Stacy had a multitude of serious injuries... she lost both of her legs. One above the knee, the other below. Her lower body and parts of her upper body are covered in first and second degree burns. Both of her arms were broken, and five ribs. Multiple bone fractures. She had a concussion that caused a subdural hematoma. Her lungs were also damaged when she breathed in the heat from the explosion. These are just the major issues, there are other minor injuries but those are not what we are worried about.”

“What worries you, doctor?” asked Lydia.

“The bleeding in her brain, along with the lack of oxygen while she was clinically dead is a dangerous combination. Even if she pulls through, we have no idea if there is any permanent brain damage. Now we keep her in a medically induced coma, to protect her brain and to give it enough time to heal. This might take anywhere from some days to weeks till we can even attempt to try to wake her up.”

“And if her brain is... okay, what happens after that?” asked Felicia.

“I am sorry but at this point I don't want to speculate. I think now we should hope that she pulls through in the coming days. We will know more once she is awaken.”

“When can we see her?” asked Lydia.

“Through the glass, you can see soon her as she is taken to the ICU right now. In a few days if she is stable enough then she will be taken to a room where you will be able to be with her.”

“Thank you doctor, for everything.” said Lydia with a nod.

“I wish you all good luck. The nurse will show you to the ICU.” said the doctor and left. A nurse was standing patiently nearby. They followed her into a secure part of the hospital where they had to wear gloves, masks and a medical gown over their clothes.

When Felicia stepped to the window to look into the room she saw a hospital bed with... something on it that resembled most of a human body. She looked at the nurse with doubt in her eyes, the nurse just nodded. Lydia put her arm on Felicia who looked towards the bed again.

“I... I don't recognize her.” she said.

Lydia couldn't say anything, this was the first time she saw Gwen like this or what was supposed to be her. The body was wrapped in bandages from head to... to where the legs were supposed to be. Felicia could feel her mother shivering from the sight. And she tried her best not to collapse under the weight she felt on her shoulders.

She looked at the machines that blinked, beeped, showed all kinds of data, pushed fluids and oxygen into the body. She could barely notice that Gwen's chest was actually moving under all the bandages, tubes and wires. She was alive. Barely. What's left of her friend. Her best friend.

“Gwen...” Felicia put her hand on the glass and she started to tremble as tears rolled down on her face. Her mother pulled her away from the window and she hugged her.

“She is alive.” said Lydia as she herself started crying “That's the only thing that matters now. She is alive.” she held her daughter as she kept repeating those words. Felicia kept crying and holding onto her mother and to those words, hoping that it would be enough.

“She is alive.”

Chapter Text

Felicia spent two days in the waiting room, hoping to be able to see Gwen up close. Looking at her through the glass, the distance felt like a cruel punishment. She frequently put her hand on the glass that separated them and she had to hold back not to smash it. When her frustration grew too much she walked to the stairwell to be alone and shouted curses at the world.

She was not just angry and frustrated but also tired and emotionally spent. On the third day when her mother came for her daily visit she didn't bring anything for Felicia who looked at her questioningly.

“You have to go home and rest, dear.” said Lydia.

“I will not leave her here alone. Never.” said Felicia.

“She will not be alone. I will be here. I promise.” she put her hand on her daughter's shoulder “Please, go home Felicia. At least for just one night.”

Felicia sighed. She knew that her mother was right. She hasn't slept since she was sedated. And sitting in the chairs of the waiting room was anything but comfortable. She closed her eyes for a moment and imagined her perfectly comfortable bed at home. Then guilt ran through her like a hurricane knowing that Gwen was still fighting for her life and she was just thinking about having a good rest. Selfish. Awful. When she opened her eyes her mother was holding her in a warm embrace, she looked at her wondering when did she hug her.

“You dozed off while standing” said Lydia with a sad smile “Will you listen to me now?”

Felicia didn't answer but as she lowered her head to avoid Lydia's gaze she felt a soft kiss on her head.

“Go dear, I will stay here.”

“Thank you mom.” they hugged for a moment and then she left.

***

Felicia closed the door of the apartment and she took a deep breath. Everything felt unnaturally silent. Nobody to welcome her. No music coming from Gwen's room. Their home was lifeless and it felt wrong. It was wrong. But she couldn't do anything about it. She tossed her shoes and walked to the kitchen to get some water. She noticed a note on the counter.

'I left a few things in the fridge.'

It was her mother's handwriting. She smiled as she remembered that she gave keys to her years ago when she moved in with Gwen. Lydia was the only person who got a key as she was the only one they both fully trusted. As she opened the fridge it had fresh fruits, snacks and some home made meal too. She grabbed an apple and took a big bite out of it.

“I don't deserve you, mom.” then she looked at the photo of her and Gwen on the fridge door as she closed it. She stopped eating as she looked at herself and Gwen, happy and smiling.

“I don't deserve any of you.” she walked towards her room but she stopped short and looked towards Gwen's door. She stood in the doorway and looked into her friend's room. Inside everything was nice, organized and at its place which made Felicia chuckle.

“This room never looked this neat. Thank you mom.” she stepped inside and she could immediately smell the lavender that was growing in a pot next to the window. She checked and the soil was moist under the plant, her mother really thought about everything. She sat down on Gwen's bed for a moment and held onto a pillow to take a deep breath through it just to smell her friend's scent.

“I miss you Gwen...” she said with a heavy heart as she hugged the pillow.

She walked to Gwen's table. There were some letters nicely put on the middle, waiting to be opened. She couldn't stop herself to glance over them. Bills. Junk. And one from a university. Felicia wondered what was that about but then she put it back on the table while she took the bills to pay them and she tossed the junk to the bin.

Then she went to her own room and she found a set of clean clothes on her bed, no doubt her mother took her time to do all the chores around the place the past couple of days. She made a mental note to herself to thank her and give her some nice gift too. She took the clean clothes and walked into her closet that was as big as a room. When she put away everything she looked at the mirror at the end of the closet.

She looked at herself for some time, shocked to see what a few days of complete lack of sleep and self care made her look like. Her hair was... she had no words. Calling it a mess would have been generous. Her eyes had bags big enough that she could have put half her clothes into them. Her skin was dirty. She knew that she smelled. She didn't even dare looking down on her hand, knowing that she had broken nails. She didn't even want to think about the days old bandages.

“I will need a bath.” she waited for a few moments then she sighed “A shower will have to do.”

She kept looking at the mirror but not at herself anymore. She put her hand next to the mirror and pressed the frame for nine seconds till she heard an audible click. She pushed the mirror and entered the hidden room that lit up. Every time she stepped in there she felt different. She was different. She was not Felicia Hardy anymore but Black Cat. But this time... she felt powerless. Useless. Like a failure. She was a failure. She walked past her dressing table, the cabinets and the mannequin that held her suit, not even looking at any of them.

She walked to the other side of the hidden room that was Gwen's. She stood in from of her spider suit that rested on a mannequin, standing proud and strong. Standing. She looked down on the mannequin's legs. Looking at Gwen's shoes. She crouched down and reached out to hold onto the legs that were a perfect match of Gwen's. It cost her quite a sum to have the custom made mannequins but it made life so much easier when it came to making and mending their suits. And now as she held onto the fake legs she knew that the originals don't exist anymore. Her fists clenched and she looked back towards her own suit.

Her eyes burnt. She gritted her perfect teeth. She was angry. She stood up and walked to one of the shelves and took off a baseball bat. She bought it for Gwen many years ago before she knew that she was Spider-Woman, so she could protect herself just in case. She walked to her mannequin and looked into the empty eyeholes of her Black Cat suit.

“You should have protected her. That was your only job to do. She did it for you, so many times through all those years... so why couldn't you do it for her? Just this one time? Why? WHY?” she screamed and she raised the bat. She struck the mannequin hard. Again. And again. She kept hitting it as hard as she could while she kept screaming 'why'. When the mannequin finally broke her next swing missed, that made her losing her balance so she fell on the floor. She took heavy breaths as she stood up.

“You are useless” she kicked the remnants of her suit and she looked into the dressing table's mirror “I... I am useless.” she left the room and closed the hidden door, leaving almost everything that's broken behind.

***

Felicia woke with a big gasp, her heart pacing, her hands holding onto the blanket. She was frightened as she looked around, not really sure what she was so afraid of. As she recognized her surroundings she slowly started to calm down.

'Just a nightmare' she thought. She checked her phone for messages. Nothing. She texted her mother, asking if there was any news about Gwen then she walked to the bathroom. After a quick shower she got dressed into comfortable clothes and went to the kitchen to have a quick breakfast. She checked her phone, there was one message.

'Gwen is okay. She will be out of the ICU in a few hours.'

She didn't want to waste much more time but she knew that her mother would ask if she ate what she made for her. She always loved everything her mother cooked but this time it felt especially good to eat something familiar that helped her remember good memories.

Once she was done she got ready and went to Gwen's room. She took some things she thought Gwen would like to have nearby. A plushie, her favorite book and her headphones. Before she left the room she looked back at the empty and silent room. She wondered when Gwen will be back.

***

By the time Felicia got back to the hospital Gwen was already out of the ICU and she was in a room. It took Felicia a minute to gather her courage to open the door. The room was silent, aside from the machines that gave a gentle buzz in the background and the monitors blinked with shiny lights.

As Felicia approached the bed she saw Gwen up close for the first time since the day it all happened. Gwen's body was covered in bandages, there were just a few spots where she could see her friend. A shiver ran through her body when she glanced towards the legs. The stumps felt... so off. Unnatural. Grotesque. Even with all the bandage around them.

She looked towards the face. The top of the head was covered in bandages like a ridiculous hat. She saw none of Gwen's beautiful blonde hair. Her left eye was also bandaged. Cuts and bruises. Slightly burned skin.

“Gwen...” she almost whispered as she sat down next to the bed. She reached out and held onto the pinky and ring fingers, the only ones that weren't bandaged. She touched them so gently as she was afraid to cause an pain. The fingers were warm and as she held onto them she could feel Gwen's heartbeat. Slow and steady.

“Gwen?” she asked almost afraid that she would wake up her friend “It's me... I am here.” She gently brushed the fingers with her thumb, she even smiled for a moment.

“I wanted to thank you for... saving my life. And everybody else's. Thank you.”

“You saved me so many times. Too many to count. From all my mistakes, bad decisions, my own stupidity... you were always there for me. Even when... I did not deserve it. Even when I pushed you away. You came back. You held me. I don't deserve you. I don't think I ever will. But I am here for you, Gwen. So... when you wake up. I will be here. I will help. I will be here for you. No matter what. So you just rest. Heal. Get better. And I will do the rest. I promise.” she reached out and touched Gwen's face for a moment.

“I brought you some things.” she put the plushie next to Gwen and then she pulled out the book from her bag “I thought... maybe... I would read to you. You know they say... that it helps...” she wiped a tear from her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I know you love this book. We read it a million times when we were kids.” she opened the book and started to read.

“Knight and Prince. Chapter one.”

Chapter Text

The first time Felicia saw Gwen’s finger moving, she gasped.

“Finally!” she shouted and she called the nurses as she was excited about her friend finally waking up. But her happiness was short lived.

“Such movements can happen with patients recovering from head trauma.” said the nurse in a friendly manner “These things are involuntary and of no indication to how she is doing.” the words were like a slap in the face for Felicia, her mood soured in an instant. She sat back into the chair and kept looking at Gwen in silence after the nurses left them alone.

Later as she went out for a drink, she caught the neurosurgeon who operated Gwen. He told her that Gwen’s brain waves were promising and the swelling went down faster than they expected.

“We will keep her asleep for a few more days still, just to make sure that the brain is healed.”

“Thank you doctor.” said Felicia and she walked back to Gwen’s room after he left. She sat down on the chair next to the hospital bed and she sighed sadly. She held onto the arms of the chair, closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She tried to calm herself, trying to forget where she was and focusing on why she was there.

‘She is my best friend. She saved my life. The least I can do is to be here.’

She opened her eyes and looked at Gwen, studying every little detail she could see. Not much changed in the past few of days since she was brought out of the ICU. Nurses replaced some bandages, doctors checked on Gwen many times a day but Felicia still had to just sit and wait. She wasn’t an impatient person but she had her limits.

Felicia held Gwen’s hand throughout the day, hoping that she would feel something. A movement, a squeeze, anything that would be more than just a muscle spasm. She craved for something to happen. Something good to change things up, to end this anxious waiting.

The highlight of her day was when her mother came and she could go home for a few hours to rest and eat what her mother prepared for her. She still felt guilty for going home to the comforts she was used to but she had to accept that she needed it for her own mental state.

Gwen’s eyes twitched, causing another momentary excitement that died before her mouth could turn into a smile.

“Felicia, pull yourself together” she said it out loud as she buried her head into her palms. She massaged her temples

She jumped up from the chair and paced around the room, something she wouldn’t have done just a few days ago as she feared that it might wake up Gwen but now, she knew better. Her body craved the movement and she knew that she had to take a better care of herself, not just for her own vanity but when Gwen would wake up, she would have to be ready to do anything she might need.

Every hour she spent some time doing simple exercises that the space allowed. Squats, push-ups, sit-ups, anything that moved her muscles. She kept exercising till a nurse came in to check on Gwen. When the lady saw what Felicia was doing, she smiled and approached her.

“Do you know the hospital has a rehabilitation wing? You could go there and use some of the machines that are not used by patients at the moment.”

“Could I really?”

“Well, as long as you act like you belong there nobody will bother you. And obviously, don’t tell anyone I told you this.” the lady winked at her while she checked Gwen’s bandages and reapplied some salve on the burned areas.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. You should not sit here all day long anyway.”

“She is my best friend. I can’t just leave her here.”

The nurse stepped closer to Felicia and put a hand on her shoulder, brushing it in a supportive way. After she left, Felicia sat back into the chair and held onto Gwen’s hand.

As Felicia was gently brushing Gwen’s fingers she heard the door opening. She didn’t look, thinking that the nurse came back for something. But as soon as she heard a heavy step, she turned without letting Gwen’s hand go.

A tall man stood in the doorway in an imposing way.

“What are you doing here, Hardy?” asked the tall man, his voice harsh and commanding, carrying authority.

“I could ask you the same thing, Captain.” Felicia slowly stood up to face him.

“I am here for my daughter. Get out of here. Now.” it was not a request. It was an order. He put his hands on his waist, close to his belt where his service weapon was.

Felicia was not afraid of that, she knew him well enough that his gun was the least of her worries. But she knew that he didn’t need his gun to make her comply if he wanted. And by the look in his eyes, she knew that he wasn’t playing around. She clenched her fists as anger brew in her and her blood boiled. She turned and took a glance at Gwen.

‘For you.’

Her hands relaxed and she walked to the door. She looked back at Gwen one more time and then she left the room.

***

Felicia sat in the waiting room when her mother came. Lydia approached her daughter with a questioning look.

“He finally showed up.” said Felicia. Her mother just nodded. “It took him almost a week. Does he even give a shit about his only child?” her voice was raised but she felt her mother’s hand on her shoulder.

“I am sure he has his reasons. Just try to relax, dear.”

“Can’t relax as long as he is sitting where I should be.”

“And yet you are here and not in there. Why?”

“Because… I didn’t want to argue in front of Gwen.” she said with a sad look “It always made her sad when I argued with her father. She always wished if we could just… get along.” she shrugged “I think we all knew that it will never happen. And… I know him. He will not sit there for long as he can’t stand seeing her. Especially now. He will get bored or disgusted and hopefully he won’t come back.”

“Their relationship is… complicated.”

“He is a homophobe, mom.”

“No, he is not. He just… didn’t know how to raise a daughter. All alone.”

“He never even tried.”

Lydia wanted to say something but she just let it go. She didn’t want to argue, there was no point and it was definitely not the place for that either. She looked at her daughter with a smile and she put her hand on Felicia’s.

“You should go home, I will be here now.”

“I will wait till he leaves, I want to make sure she is okay before I go.”

“All right.” she said with a smile “How is she doing?”

“Nothing changed.”

“I see. Did the doctors say anything?”

“They are still waiting but they might stop sedating her in a few days.”

“Felicia! Why didn’t you say it sooner? That is good news!”

“Mom… it’s… too soon to be happy about it.”

“Listen dear, every single ray of sunshine is a thread of hope we must hold onto.”

“I know. But I am afraid. There are too many things that could… go wrong.”

Lydia pulled Felicia closer to her. She knew that her daughter was right. She also talked to the doctors and she knew that while Gwen’s chances were good, they were just percentages, hopes and wishes.

Soon enough Felicia saw that Captain Stacy left the room and walked to the nurse’s station where he started arguing with a nurse and then with Gwen’s doctor. He pointed towards Felicia multiple times and he raised his voice so much that hospital security came.

Felicia wanted to go there to see what was it all about but her mother held onto her hand.

“Don’t. Stay out of it, dear.”

“No mom, he is doing something and I don’t like the looks of it.” she yanked her hand from her mother’s protective grasp and walked towards the commotion. By the time she got there, Captain Stacy was walking towards the elevators, his steps radiating anger. Felicia approached the doctor.

“What happened? What did he want?”

“The officer wanted to make sure that you cannot visit Miss Stacy anymore.”

“NO! He can’t do that, she is my-“ the doctor cut her off with a raised hand.

“You are right Miss Hardy, he can’t. Legally, it is clearly stated in Miss Stacy’s medical files that she designated you – Felicia Hardy – to be her medical proxy.”

“What? How?”

“Miss Stacy made a legal declaration when she became an adult. Weren’t you aware of this?”

“No… she… never told me. What does this even mean?”

“It’s mostly a formality. In case some serious medical decisions need to be made and she cannot make them herself then it would fall on you to do so in her stead. So far there was no such instance and I hope that it will never come to that.”

Felicia kept looking at the doctor, his words slowly creeping into her mind and she felt as a new weight appeared on her shoulders.

“It also means that you are the only person who can tell who may or may not visit her.”

“So, he… Captain Stacy has no say in the matter?”

“None. Considering how he just behaved, would you like us to prevent him from visiting Miss Stacy?”

She felt a hand on her shoulder. Her mother didn’t have to say anything, she knew well what she wished for her to say. She tensed for a few moments, tasted her newfound power and for a split second it made her feel good. Then she took a deep breath and let her anger go.

“No. He is her father. If he wishes to see Gwen… then I will not prevent that.” she turned towards her mother “I am doing this for her. Not for him. HER.” with that she left everybody and walked back to Gwen’s room. She sat down onto the chair and held onto Gwen’s hand.

She felt something in Gwen’s hand. She gently pulled a crumpled piece of paper. It was an old photo. Little Gwen in the middle, surrounded by her late mother and the Captain. All smiling. Together as a happy family.

Felicia teared up as she put back the photo into Gwen’s hand. Her body trembled as emotions came over her. She leaned closer to Gwen and she started to cry.

“Hey… so… your dad was here… yeah, I know what you would say… but… it went… better than expected and…I think… he still loves you.”

Chapter Text

Felicia watched anxiously as the nurses turned off the sedatives on the machine while the doctor next to her kept talking to her.

“It will be still a few hours till the sedatives wear off and it can take a day for it to fully clear out of her system. Though I must emphasize that we don’t know when she will wake up.”

Felicia nodded.

“But she will wake up.”

“According to her brainwaves everything seems fine, she is definitely in there, we just don’t know yet if there is any lingering damage.”

“What are her chances?”

“I would say that better than average. She went through a trauma that would have killed most people, so her being alive is already extraordinary. Her whole body is healing better than expected and as I said her brain appears to be fine.”

“And the rest?”

“Healing will take time still, the bruises and cuts will be gone in a couple of weeks, the burns will take a few more weeks. We can remove the casts from her arms after two months but the bones will need some more months after that to fully heal.”

“What about her… legs?”

“The stumps will be mostly healed after a couple of months.”

“So, after that she can get prosthetics?”

“Miss Hardy, we shouldn’t rush that much ahead. We are still just waiting for her to wake up.”

“Doctor, I want to be well prepared, to make sure she gets everything on time so she can… rebuild her life.”

“That is a commendable attitude but–“

“And I need hope, doctor. I really do.”

The doctor looked deep into Felicia’s eyes who averted her gaze and rather just looked at Gwen, still afraid of the possibilities of a bad outcome.

“Would you like to talk to someone? We have excellent doctors who can counsel you.”

“I am not grieving.”

“I didn’t mean grief counseling. Just someone who you can talk to. I have seen you here every day since Miss Stacy was admitted. When was the last time you had a proper rest?”

“Doctor, I am doing perfectly fine. And I will rest once Gwen wakes up.”

The doctor kept looking at her, like he was trying to figure out the sincerity of her words. It annoyed Felicia as she felt like being interrogated so she quickly changed topics.

“About prosthetics… can she get those after two months?”

“Definitely not.”

“Money doesn’t matter.”

“It’s not just money, not primarily. Yes, the stumps will heal in about two months but that doesn’t mean that she will be able to have prosthetics once the bandages are off. Before that new tissues need to be formed, the remaining muscles must be trained and strengthened. That will take many months along with daily physical therapy.”

“How long?”

“Miss Hardy…”

“How long?”

“Best case scenario? A year from now she can stand. Maybe. But that is if – and that is a big if – everything goes perfectly. And then she might be able to learn walking again… without help and crutches…”

The doctor shook his head.

“Look, I understand that you want your friend to be fully healed today. I get it. But you have to understand, this is not as easy as that. This is a long process. You wish to run a hundred-meter sprint whereas Miss Stacy will have to run not one but a series of marathons. Her chances are excellent so there is hope. If all goes well, then she can regain most of her body functions and the ability to live on her own. But that will take years. Not one or two. Many. And then–”

Felicia kept looking at the doctor but she stopped paying attention.

‘Years. Many.’ she kept repeating those words in her mind.

She sat down into a chair and buried her head into her hands. She already felt the pressure for essentially living in the hospital since the explosion. She already forgot how long ago it was. A week? Two? More? Or was it just some days ago?

Either way it felt like a lifetime ago when she walked to somewhere else other than the shortest route between her home and the hospital. It was really ages ago when she had a bath. Visited a restaurant. Had a spa day. Talked to Gwen. Watched a movie with her. Or they went on a patrol into the night.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see the doctor sitting next to her.

“I am sorry if I overwhelmed you. This is one of the reasons we doctors don’t like to just tell everything at once, it’s better to give you time to consider everything. I would also like you to know that you are not alone. Here we provide for any and all medical needs for Miss Stacy. Once she is discharged however… does she have family?”

“She only has me.” she emphasized the last word while looking into the doctor’s eyes. She was sure that he remembered well their encounter with Captain Stacy but none of them felt the need to mention him.

“I see.” the doctor nodded and left it there for a few moments “If I may suggest, don’t delve on these thoughts too much for the time being, you should rather spend some time and rest. Miss Stacy has still a long road ahead of her.”

“Thank you doctor.”

“You are welcome, Miss Hardy. Have a good day.”

Felicia waited till the doctor left and then she turned towards Gwen and gently held her hand.

“You can wake up now…” she said with a smile “Seems that… everything is all…” her smile slowly disappeared “I am sorry. Nothing is all right and you probably know that more than anyone. But I am here. And whatever I need to do, I will do it. I am here to help you.”

***

Felicia spent the next few days in what turned out to be her new routine in life. She went to the hospital early morning, spent the day with Gwen, talked to the doctors at least twice, the nurses many times, took a short ‘rest’ at the hospital’s gym working out and then had a meal at the cafeteria. Then she went back home in the evening to sleep. Then repeat.

As much as she hated the hospital the days becoming like a routine actually helped her a bit to relax and let go some of the anxiety. She slowly got used to the same noise of the machines in Gwen’s room. The smell of chemicals and disinfectants. Listening to the steps of people who walked the corridor outside the room. The bad hospital food. And the fact that Gwen was doing okay or as the doctor put it, she was ‘better than expected’.

She knew well that Gwen’s spider abilities made her body more resistant and it was probably the reason behind the somewhat faster healing. But it was no miracle and it definitely didn’t make Gwen invulnerable. She actually wished if that was Gwen’s ability. Invulnerability. Then she would have survived the whole thing without a scratch. Though, she had to admit that in that case, everyone else would have died, herself included.

She sighed as she tried to clear her head from such thoughts, reminding herself that ‘what if’ questions were useless when it came to the past. Made no sense to ponder over it if she couldn’t change it. She had to focus on the present and more importantly on Gwen.

She held onto the snacks she got from the cafeteria as she opened the door and entered to the room. She took a quick glance at Gwen and she smiled as everything seemed to be fine.

She sat down on the chair and reached out to hold Gwen’s hand but she had to reach further this time as Gwen’s hand was a bit bent towards her body.

‘Probably the nurses moved her again’ she thought and she squeezed her friend’s hand a couple of times.

“I am here. Got some snacks. They are all filled with either too much salt or obscene amounts of sugar. This one’s coloring ingredient sounds like something I wouldn’t give to my enemies.” she smiled and opened the bag and poured some candy into her mouth. She didn’t like the taste but it was a good enough reason to think and talk about something.

“Once we are out of here, I will take you to a nice long vacation. Far away to some fancy hotel with a great restaurant and an amazing spa. Massage. Ah, I would die for a good massage right now.”

“…nghhh…” the faint sound that left Gwen’s throat almost stopped Felicia’s heart. She didn’t dare move a muscle as she was not sure if she really heard something or just imagined it. She stayed like that for a whole minute before she slowly leaned closer.

“Gwen?” she whispered, hoping for an answer as she leaned even closer. Now she definitely saw really small movement on Gwen’s face, like muscles trying to figure out their purpose as her skin twitched here and there. Felicia’s eyes went wild and she held onto Gwen’s hand.

“Gwen! I am here! I am right here! Please wake up! Open your eyes or just… just please say something” her voice was desperate but also filled with excitement.

“…ffm… ci…a…” Gwen’s lips did barely move at all, like she had to fight for every single syllable.

“Yes! It’s me.” she teared up while she reached for the button to call a nurse. She gently touched Gwen’s face and rubbed it with her fingers. Felicia heard the door opening and a nurse stepped close to her.

“She is moving. She tried to say some words.” said Felicia and she kept holding Gwen’s face while she leaned closer once again “I am here Gwen. I am here for you.”

“Her vitals are good, everything seems to be fine.” said the nurse.

“…cia…” was the next thing Gwen mumbled and she opened her eyes. Felicia looked deep into those blue eyes and for a moment their eyes met and there was clear recognition in Gwen’s eyes as she looked at Felicia.

“Gwen! You are back…” Felicia’s voice trembled and she watched as her friend’s eyes slowly closed once again. She glanced at the nurse with a worried look.

“Don’t worry dear, she will be in and out from now on, she will still spend most of her time asleep. But this is good. I saw her eyes, she recognized you. She is definitely there. I will go and talk to the doctor, sit tight.”

Felicia sat back into the chair but didn’t let Gwen’s hand go, not for a moment. She kept looking at her friend and just kept repeating a few words.

“Thank you.”

Chapter Text

Felicia waited patiently for the doctor who made his rounds. She knew that he had many things to do other than to just sit next to Gwen and wait but to her there was nothing more important than her friend so she was agitated every time the doctor went to another room or talked to someone else. When he finally came to her, she could not return his smile.

“She woke up for a few moments but then she fell asleep again.”

“Yes, that is as expected in such cases. Miss Stacy still has to sleep a lot in order to heal.”

“What do I tell her?”

“What do you mean?”

“At some point, she will wake up and she will know that… something is wrong.”

“Do you mean her legs?”

“Yes, among other things.” Felicia took a deep breath “How do I tell her that she lost her legs?”

“Well, normally we doctors tell such things to patients to avoid any misunderstanding and it is just generally better if it is told by someone other than close relatives.”

“And if you are not there and she asks me? I can’t stall or lie to her till you come.”

The doctor looked at her and nodded.

“Be calm. Be honest. Speak clearly. No sugarcoating. Use short and simple sentences. Don’t answer questions regarding details, I will do that when I will be able to talk to her.” the doctor took a moment “Then comes the hard part.”

“You say that like this wouldn’t be hard enough already.”

“Telling her might be hard but it will be quick. The hard part is being there for her when reality sinks in. I don’t know Miss Stacy like you do, so I have no idea how she would react to such news. In any case, prepare for an initial shock. She might need reassurance, consoling and hope. She has to know that she is not alone, that she has people who love her and are there for her. My apologies if I am presumptuous but so far, I have seen you and another lady visiting her regularly, so I assume that she can rely only on you.”

Felicia was well aware of that fact but someone telling it to her still hit her hard.

‘She can rely only on you.’

Those words kept ringing in her ears but she didn’t have the time or the energy to think too much about it.

“I must add that there are other support systems that Miss Stacy and you can rely on, physical rehab, welfare services, at home nursing services and therapy. Our hospital provides help in case you need any or all, any nurse station can give you information on request.”

“Thank you.” said Felicia knowing that she would need to make sure that Gwen would get the best possible care.

“Unless there is anything else, I will leave you now miss. I will be back later on to check on Miss Stacy in the evening.”

“Thank you, doctor.” said Felicia and she walked to back to Gwen’s room and silently entered. Inside Gwen slept peacefully as she approached the bed and sat down onto the chair. She held Gwen’s hand and gently rubbed her friend’s fingers before leaning back in the chair and closing her eyes for a quick moment to rest.

***

When Felicia opened her eyes again, she knew that she fell asleep. A quick glance through the window was enough to know that time passed from noon to late afternoon. She stretched her muscles and checked her phone for messages, grimacing when she noticed that a news article was asking the question ‘Where is Spider-Woman?’ as apparently, she hasn’t been seen for quite some time.

“Damn” she whispered as she knew that it was meant to happen sooner or later as Spider-Woman was a hero who couldn’t just disappear without people noticing. And once people noticed her absence, they would ask questions that could lead to complications. Not to mention if the criminals realized that there was one less hero patrolling the streets they would be emboldened to commit more crimes.

“Perhaps I should do something… but what?” she wondered till she realized that she was hungry and thirsty, which meant a trip to the cafeteria to get something quickly. As she stood up to go, she felt a pull on her hand. She only then noticed that Gwen was holding onto it and looking at her with those blue eyes.

“Stay…” said Gwen faintly.

“Gwen!” Felicia sat back down with a smile “How are you feeling?”

“…hurts…” the pain was clearly there in her voice and in her eyes. Her many injuries and weeks of sedation took their toll. Felicia leaned closer.

“I know and I am sorry about that. You are in a hospital, Gwen. You got injured.”

“How…”

“There was an explosion. Do you remember anything?”

Gwen slowly turned her head left and right a couple of times then she tried to say something but only managed to wheeze and then cough. Felicia grabbed a cup and slowly directed a straw into Gwen’s mouth.

“You should drink. Frequently. And don’t try to talk too much, you still need time to recover.”

Gwen drank a bit then she took a few deep breaths.

“I don’t… remember…”

“That is okay. You went through a lot, your memories might come back later.”

“You?”

“I am okay… because you saved me. And others too. You saved everybody that day.”

Gwen nodded and then tried to raise her arm. Felicia helped by providing support as she held Gwen’s hand. She saw Gwen’s eyes looking through her arms that still had cast on them and then her fingers wondered over her body, gasping and wincing when she found her injuries. When she started to move her legs, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Gwen… I have to tell you something.”

Felicia waited and tried to remember what the doctor told her. Back then it sounded like good advice but now all she remembered was just some words, fragments and that how much she wanted to do anything else but having to be there to tell her friend the truth. And yet she had to do it still, to be strong… somehow.

“Felicia…” said Gwen “It’s… okay… I know…I can… feel that… it is… bad.” she even made a slight smile that sent a shiver through Felicia.

“You lost your legs. I am sorry…”

Gwen just looked at her without any obvious reaction. She gave a few small nods then she tried to smile once again.

“But… I am alive…”

“Yes… all this time I was so afraid of losing you. But you were so strong. And against all odds you survived. And you are here with me. Thank you, Gwen.”

“How long… was I…?”

“You slept for nearly two months.”

Gwen nodded and glanced towards the cup which was enough for Felicia to give her another few sips. Then she looked around the room, glancing at the machines and then at the window. She kept looking at the outside for some time before she turned her head back towards Felicia.

“Have you… seen… him?”

“Yes, your father came by.” she reached out towards the pillow where the old photo was and gave it to Gwen “He left this here. For you.”

Gwen looked at the photo and she smiled, this time it was obviously a genuine reaction.

“Could you… please… ask him to… visit me?”

“Yes. I will. I promise.” said Felicia with such ease, not even waiting a moment to think as she was ready to promise anything to Gwen just to keep seeing her smile. They kept looking at each other like friends who just met after a long time being apart.

“Felicia… you don’t… look well… do you eat… and do you… sleep at all?”

Felicia wanted to say ‘yes’ as she didn’t want her friend who just woke up after almost dying to be worried about her. But they knew each other since they were little kids. And she promised her honesty. She looked away for a moment, not being able to hold her friend’s gaze.

“You are right. I haven’t taken a good care of myself lately. I have spent most of my time here sitting in this chair or pacing around your bed. But don’t think for a moment that I would leave you for anything.”

“Not anything… just so you… eat and… rest.”

Felicia smiled and let Gwen sip some more water.

“I eat well. My mother makes me food almost every day and I go home to sleep. That reminds me, she will come by later, so you can see her too. She will be happy to see you awake.”

“Me too… miss her…” said Gwen and she closed her eyes for a few moments then opened them again “Chocolate…?”

“Would you like some? I am not sure if it is allowed but I can ask the nurses and bring some if it’s okay.”

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome” Felicia stood up and walked to the door “I will be back soon, promise!”

Gwen nodded and closed her eyes to rest.

As Felicia stepped out of Gwen’s room she stopped near the elevator and looked at her phone. She scrolled through her contacts till she found the name she was looking for.

‘Captain Stacy’

She wanted to name that contact ‘Asshole’, ‘Pig’ or a number of similar things but her mother made sure that she would not do that. For Gwen. Just like she didn’t dial his number for his sake. She did it for Gwen. Because she asked for her father. And no matter how much she wanted to stand between them she just couldn’t.

She listened to the dial tone, then the ringing. Once. Twice. Five times. Ten times. Then the voicemail came up. She was glad but also disappointed that it wasn’t the real Captain who picked it up. As she prepared herself to leave a short message the female automated voice announced coldly:

‘This voicemail account is currently unavailable.’

Felicia rolled her eyes and whispered some curses as she put away her phone.

“What did I expect…” she rolled her eyes “Doesn’t matter, I will drag his ass here myself if I have to.”

***

After Felicia left the room Gwen opened her eyes and she kept looking at the door for a few minutes, hoping that her friend will come back soon, even though it was she who sent her away to get some chocolate. Without Felicia the room felt empty, cold and dark. The silence was suffocating. Her thoughts centered around her injuries and what they meant.

She kept looking at her arms, trying to flex them, enduring the pain that she felt with the smallest of movements. Her heightened sensed made her feel every single injury, she knew that her body was broken in so many ways.

She felt the burns that made her skin itch. She felt every scar and cut that healed slowly. She could feel her weakened muscles, the mending bones, the pain in her lungs every time she took a breath and the general sense of tiredness as her body tried to rebuild itself.

But the worst was that even without looking she knew that she had no legs anymore, she knew exactly where each ended while she could also sense the missing parts. She could swear that she could move her ankles and toes, like they were still there.

She was trembling as she slowly removed the blanket and then used all her strength and agility to raise her legs up in the air to see what was left of them. The sight shocked her so much so that she almost screamed. She let her legs fall back down on the bed as her breaths became labored and she looked towards the cup of water next to her bed.

She reached out with her arm but it was not close enough. She coughed a few times as she tried to move her body to reach it but the pain was too much. She raised her hand one more time to shoot webs to grab the cup but nothing happened.

“No…” she coughed again as she tried to peek under the cast to see what happened to her web glands but she was unable to see anything. She lowered her hand and closed her eyes as a couple of tears rolled down on her face.

“Can’t… move… so helpless… how… am I… supposed… to be… a hero?”

Chapter Text

Felicia stood in front of the police station for a few minutes before walking in. She wasn’t afraid of walking into the lion’s den as she was used to deal with cops, both good and bad. But this time she had to see the one police officer she wished she would never have to see ever again.

“Can I help you miss?” asked a young officer at the reception area.

“I am here to see Captain Stacy.” said Felicia.

“All right, I would like to see your ID and please fill out and sign this form.”

Felicia quickly filled out the form while the officer checked her ID.

“Very well, Captain Stacy is on the fourth floor, room N412. He is in according to our logs.”

“Thank you.”

The building was full with cops, civilians and quite some people in cuffs or even prison clothes. While being here had nothing to do with her, Felicia had to remind herself that she could not relax. Every criminal in this building had to make just one single mistake to be caught. Though she hasn’t committed a crime for a few years she wondered when she could finally breathe fresh air without having to be worried about what she did in the past.

“This is it.” she said as she looked at the door with the sign N412. As she looked at the door, she remembered the couple of times the captain almost caught her. He was more clever than the rest, she had to admit that much though their animosity centered around Gwen and not her previous ‘profession’. At least that was what she thought.

She knocked on the door and waited a few moments before knocking again louder. Still nothing.

She opened the door and peeked inside.

“Captain Stacy?”

The room was empty though the lights were on and the computer at the desk was running. There was a mug on the desk, from the smell Felicia knew that it was coffee, probably still warm so the captain should be around too. She sat down on the chair opposite to the desk.

She looked around the room that was filled with countless files, notes and boxes with ‘EVIDENCE’ stamped on them. She had that urge to take a peek even though she knew that she shouldn’t, this was definitely not the right time and the chances of getting caught was way too high. But then she had another thought that she could not sweep under the rug.

“What could be so important that you won’t visit your only child?” she wondered out aloud and she peeked at some of the files on the desk. She saw many names she didn’t recognize, then she looked at the big board in the other end of the room and she immediately recognized one thing.

“The fountain...” she said as she walked up to a picture. It was the fountain where Gwen pushed her and the rest of the people just before the explosion. Next to it there were pictures from the site that made Felicia take a step back as there was a picture of Spider-Woman on the board.

Other pictures showed torn trees, burnt out vans, debris and one of Gwen’s sneakers, covered in blood. She had goosebumps from the imagine and quickly looked away, towards the notes and reports. Glancing through them she quickly put things together, a stolen van, lots of wires, traces of explosives.

“A bomb?”

The door closing behind her was loud and unexpected, she turned around to see Captain Stacy standing there, looking at her.

“Interfering with the investigation is a crime.”

Felicia was still on the edge but she did her best to hide how frightened she was in that moment.

“Why is this not public knowledge?” she asked “The news reported that it was an accident, caused by a propane tank in one of the street vendors’ vans.”

“It is an ongoing investigation. I cannot comment on that.”

“I was there, I have a right to know what happened!”

The captain kept staring at her. Once Felicia looked into his eyes, she realized that he wasn’t angry. He was tired. He walked to his desk and sat down onto his chair with a sigh then he drank his coffee. Then he looked back at Felicia.

“How is my daughter?” he asked with a strangely warm tone, something she never heard from him before.

“She is awake.” she said as she sat down onto the chair in front of his desk “She asked for you.”

“I will visit her in the afternoon.”

“No, you will go and see her now.”

“I am a police captain, I can’t just walk out during–“

“She asked for you three days ago. I have tried to call you a hundred times.”

“I was busy with–“

“I don’t care. I really don’t. She is your daughter. She needs you. She wants to see you. And I am tired making up excuses for why you still haven’t been there. So, you stand up and just go.”

She knew that she might have pushed too far but she couldn’t look into Gwen’s eyes anymore and lie that her father was coming. So, she went all in and now she kept looking at the man that made her friend’s life miserable for so long, hoping that he will just go and perhaps that his facade of a strong man will crack just a bit.

His gaze was intimidating but Felicia didn’t look away so they just kept looking at each other, waiting for the other to flinch.

Finally, he stood up without a word and put on his police coat then he looked back at Felicia.

“Come with me.”

Felicia looked at the captain for a moment then she stood up and followed him out of the office. His steps were confident, he seemed determined. She followed him down to the garage, into his car assuming that she won the battle.

She just kept staring out the window to the city while she listened to the police radio that kept going on and on. She barely noticed that they weren’t going towards the hospital.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a little detour.”

“Am I under arrest?”

“No but I doubt you will jump out from a moving car just to make a point.”

Felicia withheld a bunch of curses and rather just damned herself for being stupid enough to follow a cop blindly. Especially him.

‘Where is he taking me?’ she wondered as they passed many blocks, heading to the downtown area. When they stopped next to a park she realized where he took her.

He opened the door and got out of the car. She didn’t move, she was frozen in place, holding onto the door handle like her life depended on it. Her breathing quickened, her heart paced, she felt threatened, endangered and she wanted to run away.

“You seem like the criminals when they get caught.” said the captain as he looked back into the car “Or you are having one of those panic attacks. That’s all right. I will give you a few minutes, get out when you are ready.” he closed the door and left Felicia with her thoughts and fears.

***

The site of the explosion didn’t change much. Though the debris have been cleared out the devastation was still obvious. The cracked pavement, trees torn in half, the fountain broken and completely drained. As Felicia looked around, she still shivered as whenever she closed her eyes, she could see how everything looked like that day. Ash, smoke and blood.

She walked slowly towards the area where she found Gwen. It wasn’t hard to find it as there was a big X painted on the concrete with orange spray paint. She just kept looking at it for minutes as her tears rolled down on her face. She completely ignored the captain who stood close by watching her every move.

After some time, she looked towards the nearby hole in the ground where the explosion occurred. She stepped closer to it and imagined how close she was to death that day.

“The explosion was powerful” said the captain “A propane tank explosion couldn’t have done such a crater so even the first responders suspected a bomb but it wasn’t verified until days later and because there was… only one victim and nobody died the press didn’t really care about it.”

Felicia listened to his words, wondering why did he tell that to her.

“It was a stolen van, packed with explosives. It was detonated by a timer. The blast destroyed pretty much everything in a large radius. About two dozen people were in the blast zone but only one victim got caught by it. Some would say it was a miracle.”

‘Yes’ she thought, Gwen made that miracle happen.

“The crime scene investigators have found web residue that they matched to another web residue that we know was left behind by Spider-Woman. So, I think what happened was that Spider-Woman somehow knew what was going to happen, so she saved everybody except one victim.”

“Why can’t you say her name? Gwen. Your daughter!” she asked but he didn’t answer “Just tell me why am I here? You know I gave my statement to your colleagues.”

“I am not talking to Felicia Hardy. I am talking to the Black Cat.”

“I have no idea what–“

“Shut it.” he stepped closer to her, his presence towered over Felicia ominously. She was rarely ever intimidated by anyone but now she felt like a cornered prey.

“While I cannot prove it, I know that you are the Black Cat. Your father told me everything before he died. I also know that the past few years you allegedly stopped being a thief, joined Spider-Woman and act like you are a hero. And you know what? It’s your lucky day as I don’t care about you. But you will talk to your spider friend and tell her that I have questions and I demand answers from her regarding this case.”

“What questions?”

“Why didn’t she save my daughter?”

“What?”

“She saved everybody who was present. Two dozen people. Men, women, children. Everybody. Including you. But not her. I want to know who my daughter was not saved?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“I don’t give a shit what you know. I want to hear it from HER. What is her excuse for not saving my daughter? She saved you. YOU! A thief. A common criminal of all people but she couldn’t save my daughter who was innocent! How is that possible? How?”

Felicia stumbled, not realizing that she slowly retreated towards the crater and was about to fall into it. But Captain Stacy caught her by her arm. His hand was strong but she felt no warmth. Looking into his eyes she only saw anger. He pulled her away from the crater and then let her go.

“People always say that Spider-Woman always protects people, that she helps them no matter what. So, I want to know that why my daughter was less worthy of saving than you.” his voice was lower this time, anger was replaced by sadness and disappointment.

As he walked back towards his car Felicia kept looking after him for a few moments before she walked to the other way.

“Where are you going?” he asked “The car is this way.”

“I would rather die than sit in a car with you.” she kept walking and eventually running as fast as she could, not just from the scene but from the guilt she felt.

Chapter Text

“Again.” said the nurse in a demanding tone. Gwen tried to take a deep breath and pulled herself up to a sitting position. Something so ordinary and simple felt like almost impossible without help. Her body ached, the scarred skin made every movement painful and she constantly felt out of breath.

And yet, she did not give up, she tried her best to exercise her body, however little it was.

“And one more time.” the nurse’s tone changed, this time she was encouraging and friendlier. Gwen groaned as she tried to force her atrophied muscles to work to be able to sit up. She also had to learn how to do it without legs, she never thought how different it was without them to just sit straight.

“Hold it just a little more” said the nurse as she kept her arms in front of Gwen to hold onto “That is excellent” she let Gwen gently back onto the bed.

“It’s barely… ten seconds… that… I can hold on…” said Gwen as she tried to catch her breath. She felt completely breathless after such a small exercise.

“That is double what you could do yesterday. Tomorrow you will be able to do more, that’s how it goes. Now rest miss.” said the nurse and she held a straw for Gwen to sip a little water. “I will be back later.”

Gwen turned towards the windows, looking out to the dark clouds that poured rain onto the city, wishing to be outside, to feel the rain on her face while she hopped from one building to the other. Feeling the wind against her skin, catching bad guys, keeping the streets safe and helping the people.

A sudden cough ended her daydreaming, reminded her that the life she had was over.

“Even if… I could have… my legs back… my lungs… barely work” she said as she tried to take slow deep breaths through her nose from the machine that provided her oxygen. She looked at the empty chair next to her bed, wondering where Felicia might be. She knew that her friend spent months sitting next to her bed, sometimes even throughout the night so she knew she did not have the right to ask for more.

And yet, whenever she wasn’t there, her heart ached. She felt loneliness and even claustrophobic, confined into not just that hospital room but to essentially to that bed that she couldn’t leave without help.

Her breathing slowed as she calmed down. She closed her eyes and relaxed to sleep for a bit.

***

She felt the pressure on her hand and she opened her eyes with a smile. Felicia was sitting there, looking at her.

“Hey.” Gwen smiled “What brought you here?”

“Hey there. I don’t know, I am bored at home, all alone, so I rather just be here with you.”

“Won’t your boyfriend miss you?”

Felicia hesitated for a moment before smiling.

“I broke up with him some time ago.”

“Oh…” said Gwen, not even trying to hide her happiness at those words “Good. It was about time.”

“Yeah…”

“Did we talk about this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” said Gwen “you make a face sometimes, when I don’t remember something. Or say something incorrect.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s my memory that fails me.”

“Don’t worry about it. It might come back.”

“I wish I could remember.”

“What?”

Gwen looked at Felicia without saying a word. A shiver ran through Felicia when she realized what her friend meant.

“Don’t.” she held onto Gwen’s hand tight “Be glad that you don’t. I wish I could forget it.”

“I am sorry. I always forget that you had to go through the whole thing.”

“That’s okay. I just… don’t like to think about it.”

“Understood.” said Gwen and nodded. It wasn’t easy to accept that her friend had to live through all that horrible tragedy and carry that trauma with her.

“Anyway, I got you a new phone.” said Felicia, wanting to steer the conversation far away “Sorry that it took me so long to get back your old number.”

“That’s okay, couldn’t have used it anyway while the cast was still on.”

Felicia looked at Gwen’s arms that were scarred by the flames of the explosion like other parts of her body. The cast hid all those injuries but now the were visible and rather striking.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes but… not too bad. Better than being dead.”

“Yeah.”

“At least this works” Gwen flexed her fingers on her left hand and she shot a small patch of web towards the bin in the corner. She missed it but she still smiled as it was the first sign that she wasn’t completely useless.

“Nice!” said happily Felicia “That works all right! What about your right hand?”

“Well…” she showed her wrist to Felicia “This part of my arm was badly burnt and the bones broke so they opened it up to fix it. During surgery they sew the hole shut, the one where the web comes out. I guess… they thought it was a wound.”

“So…”

“So, I would need to cut it open.”

Felicia looked at Gwen mortified by just imagining it.

“Yeah, I know, cutting there gives me the creeps too. And I don’t even know if it would still work.”

“I guess there is no point in asking the doctors.”

“Not really, that would reveal who I am. And I am still glad that they didn’t notice the web glands when they messed around with the bones.”

“Well… I guess that is not a problem for today.”

“Definitely not.” said Gwen and she reached out for the cup. Felicia was quick enough to lend a hand before her friend had to move too much. She held the cup with one hand and Gwen’s head with the other, gently and patiently. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

Gwen took a few breaths and stay silent for a few minutes. She didn’t like that she needed such resting periods to recharge to be able to have a decent conversation but she slowly figured out her limits and hoped that in time something can be done about it.

Then she looked at Felicia who slumped down in the chair, she also seemed to be needing some rest. Gwen wanted to send her home, to have a good sleep but she also didn’t want to be alone. Since she woke up, Felicia was her only source of happiness, even though she knew well that she shouldn’t rely solely on her. But she had to admit that she had nobody else.

“I know I asked this a lot but…”

“I met your father earlier, he will come and see you or so help me I will…” Felicia went silent and counted to ten before she looked at Gwen. “I am sorry.”

“I guess he managed to piss you off.”

“It was my fault, I was stupid.” Felicia shook her head “No matter how long I have known him I let him play me.”

“That’s not something I hear from you often.” said Gwen and forced a small smile on herself “Hey, don’t be all gloomy because of him. Tell me. What did he do this time?”

Felicia looked at Gwen, wondering if she should tell what happened. She hated that she felt like she had to decide between honesty and not wanting Gwen to be concerned.

“I am sorry, Gwen. You have so much to deal with already and I really hate to add to all that. But I have to tell you this. As you are… not just Gwen.”

Gwen knew what Felicia meant and she nodded.

“It’s okay, tell me what it is. My body might be… lacking but my mind is fine.”

“The cops found evidence that Spider-Woman was at the scene of the explosion and your father wanted to know… why she… saved everybody… but not you.”

Gwen leaned closer to Felicia.

“Did he want to use you… as a messenger?”

Felicia nodded and Gwen smashed the bed with her fist.

“Don’t worry” said Felicia, trying to calm her friend “all he has is circumstantial evidence at best, he has no idea who Spider-Woman is or why things happened the way they did.”

“Still… he shouldn’t have used… you like that.”

“Not going to argue but… I think we should leave it at that. The point is, he is going to come see you, hopefully today.”

“Thank you, Felicia. I know that it was hard for you to ask him personally and I am sorry that… things went… like that.”

“Worry not, I am used to it. I just hope that he will treat you well.”

“That makes… the two of… us.” she said and started coughing.

“Easy there, rest now. Slow, deep breaths. That’s it.” Felicia let Gwen sip some water then she grabbed the book from the table. “Would you like me to read you a bit?”

Gwen nodded as her coughing slowly subsided. She looked at Felicia as she read the book till her friend fell asleep.

***

Felicia stood next to the vending machine, cursing silently as the only half decent chocolate was out of stock. She was probably the only one who bought that as she saw the number of the bars dwindling but for some reason, she hoped that it will get restocked before she had the craving again.

“Can’t always win.” she sighed.

“Indeed, you cannot.” said the voice behind her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around and looking at the captain.

“Took you long enough” she said “Gwen is sleeping but probably she will wake soon, go and be with her.”

“Have you contacted your spider friend yet?”

Felicia looked at him with disbelief in her eyes. She shook her head and stepped closer to him.

“No. And I am not a postman. If you want to ask her something then go, find her. But first, for once in your life act like a good father and be with your daughter.”

“Obstruction of justice is a–“

“I don’t care!” shouted Felicia “Here!” she offered her wrists “Arrest me! Come on! You have nothing on me! I will be out in an hour, you will be reprimanded and then you can explain to Gwen why the only person who comes to visit her was away!”

Captain Stacy didn’t flinch, just moved his hand behind his back and fiddled with his cuffs, just enough to make Felicia take a step back. Seeing that he smiled.

“You are wrong. You are not the only one. Your mother also visits my daughter, every day.” with that he slowly walked away towards Gwen’s room.

“I will catch you one day Hardy, that’s a promise!” he said without even looking back.

Felicia wanted to say something but she knew better not to, instead she made a promise herself not to get caught and to make sure never ever give a reason for that man to put cuffs on her.

Chapter Text

Gwen was hesitant at first to use her phone to go online. She felt a bit of disconnect from the world after not being in the loop for the past few months. She was an attentive and caring person, always knowing what was going on around her and she took a very active role in everything she could. Now she felt like watching a television while not having a remote. Like an outsider who has no control over what is happening around her anymore.

After a while she gathered some courage to browse the news of the past months while Felicia left the room to get some snacks, she didn’t want her friend to be worried any more than she probably already did. She felt bad for relying so much on Felicia but she knew that she needed her more than ever.

The news wasn’t good. Crime rates increased, to no one’s surprise. But not as much as she feared. Yes, some criminals noticed that Spider-Woman was gone and they acted on it but the world didn’t fall into anarchy without her. Cops still patrolled the streets and caught most of the criminals, not to mention she wasn’t the only hero out there. The hole her absence left was mostly filled by other masked heroes. She wondered if the world ever really needed her?

What disturbed her was strangely the lack of news about Spider-Woman. Aside from a few articles that asked questions like ‘What happened to her?’ it seemed like that most of the people ignored her disappearance. Life seemingly just moved on and didn’t care to stop for a moment and wonder what happened to the woman who saved so many people over the years.

‘Why does it bother me so much?’ she wondered ‘I should be happy that nothing really bad happened because of my absence. Then why do I feel… such sadness?’

She sipped some water and then she searched for articles about the explosion. She couldn’t find much aside from the initial reports.

‘Probable gas leak, one serious injury, considerable property damage.’

No follow up articles aside from one that mentions that plans were made to rebuild the fountain and the surrounding areas. Like it never even happened, not to the greater public anyway.

“I need to know more.” she said out loud as she put her phone down and closed her eyes for a bit of rest. She wondered what took Felicia so long to get some snacks when she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” said Gwen and wondered who it might be as nobody ever knocked here, not even Felicia. When the door opened, she looked and saw a tall man entering the room.

“Hi dad.” she said with a faint smile.

“Hello there kiddo.” he walked to her bed and sat down onto the chair. They didn’t look at each other. The tension was clear. Countless arguments. Shouting matches. She walking out. Him slamming the door. And yet no matter how broken their father-daughter relationship was they always gravitated around each other.

“How are you doing?” asked the captain to break the ice.

“Been better.” said Gwen with sadness in her voice.

“I am sorry.”

“It is what it is.” she shrugged and he nodded, both acknowledged the undeniable. She took a glance at him “You look tired, dad.”

“There is always something to do for a policeman.”

“I meant you look worse than usual. You should rest sometimes.”

He didn’t answer but Gwen could see that he wanted to say something and probably it was the reason he avoided her eyes. She knew what it was, of course she did, she knew him all too well. She looked at him, into his eyes that looked at her legs.

‘Always the policeman who sees the crime and not the victim.’

She sighed and reached out to hold his father’s hand, only then he looked into her eyes.

“I am sorry, dad.” she said “I don’t remember anything from that day, not even the days before that… even though Felicia told me a dozen times what happened and… what we did that day.”

He nodded, clearly not happy about what she just said.

“We know that Spider-Woman was there. We know that she… saved people. But not you.”

“I am sure she tried.”

“Did she?”

Gwen wanted to say something but she really had no idea what happened, so she couldn’t say something out of the blue. Even if she could say something it would be useless, her father never liked Spider-Woman in the first place.

“She saved that girl but not you.” he said, accusing Spider-Woman. Gwen felt guilt as her father unknowingly accused her with negligence. Like she wanted to get blasted to pieces. She failed to protect herself somehow, it was her fault that she was in that hospital bed. Broken, useless, lucky to be alive.

But then she realized what he said. He didn’t just accuse Spider-Woman but he also slapped Felicia in the face with those words.

“’That girl’ is Felicia. She is my best friend. She saved my life.”

Now he held back and Gwen could see that he really wants to just dump everything onto her, all his thoughts, feelings and many years of judgement over her friendship with Felicia. But rather he just stood up and walked to the window, looking out onto the city.

“I didn’t come here to fight.” he said in a soft voice, that was so unlike to him.

“Neither did I and yet… we always end up… fighting.”

“When did we become like this?”

“When… mom died.” she coughed.

“I told you, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was, dad… don’t lie.” she said with faltering voice “And you…always… made sure… that… I am well aware… of that.” she coughed and took a few deep breaths.

“I was wrong to do that. I am sorry. I mean it.”

Gwen just nodded while she tried to slow her breathing. She felt weak and tired but she wanted to get this over with. She looked at the cup and reached for it but her father was faster and he gave it to her. When she drank enough, he even went to refill it and placed it back on the stand, close to Gwen.

“I talked to your doctors” he said as he sat down into the chair once again “They say that you are doing well. You should start physical therapy next week.”

Gwen nodded without saying a word, still trying to calm down and regain her breath.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah.” she said while trying to smile. “But it’s… not that bad.”

“You are brave, I always knew that.” he reached out and held Gwen’s face gently for a few moments “But you know I prefer honesty.”

Gwen reached out and held her father’s hand.

“I am sorry… it… is bad.”

“The doctors said that it will be better. You came a long way but there is still much to heal.” he leaned closer “I know that you will get through this. My daughter is strong. Resilient. You will not give up.”

A tear ran down on Gwen’s cheek that his father quickly brushed away with his finger. She looked at him smiling, not remembering the last time he said such warm and kind words.

“Thank you, dad.”

He nodded and leaned over her to embrace her in an awkward hug to be as gentle as possible.

“I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too, dad.” said Gwen and for a few moments, she only felt happiness.

***

Felicia stood at the far end of the corridor, listening to music while reading articles about physical therapy. She already talked to multiple doctors so she knew what Gwen will need and had a couple of physical therapists standing by when the doctors declare Gwen healed enough to start the therapy.

The doctors told her that they have their own facilities in the hospital that would be perfect but she opted for a private clinic that specialized in such cases. Gwen didn’t object though she didn’t know about the price tag thanks to Felicia taking care of that. She knew that Gwen will be angry about that when she would eventually find it out but by then she would be undergoing the treatment anyway. Besides now she had to focus on her own anger and her problems.

She kept looking towards Gwen’s door while the captain was in with her. She was sure that it wouldn’t last more than a few minutes, ten at the most. But now he was still in after half an hour. Maybe she was asleep and he had to wait. Or maybe he was interrogating his own daughter.

“Damnit!” she said out loud as she kicked the wall with her feet. She wanted to go in to see what they were doing but promised Gwen that she will let them talk. She had no problem with lying to people but she struggled hard to do that to two people in life: her mother and Gwen. And they both knew that.

When the door opened and the captain left, Felicia stayed out of sight as she had no need for further confrontation. She waited a few minutes after he left then she walked back to Gwen’s room. She gritted her teeth for feeling like she was doing something wrong, walking in there like a criminal.

When she opened the door Gwen was on her bed, looking at the family picture that she held in her hand. She looked up when Felicia walked closer.

“Hey” said Felicia “How are you doing?”

“I am fine.” said Gwen with a smile “He was… nice.”

“I did not expect you saying that.”

“Neither have I but it’s still true. He was… supportive. And even apologetic.”

“You sure it was him?” Felicia tried to joke and it worked as it made Gwen laugh a bit.

“Yeah.” she nodded “I think… that he knows that… it was a close call. That I was actually close to dying. And I saw regret in his eyes about… things he said and did in the past.”

Felicia just listened to her friend, she knew that Gwen was telling the truth though she also knew that the captain might not be honest. But Gwen would know that, she always saw through her father. At least that’s what she always told her.

“He even said that the next time I start dating a woman he would like to meet her.”

“Just so he can run a background check on her.”

“Felicia!” Gwen laughed “I mean… probably. But I think that he started to accept me.”

“About damn time. He should have done that the moment you came out!”

Gwen reached out and held Felicia’s hand.

“Felicia, I know that he has been… horrible to you. I am sorry about that. Believe me, I have not forgotten any of that. But if he apologizes to me then maybe… he can change. Not today or tomorrow but… maybe one day he will let you off the hook for good? And he might apologize to you too for everything.”

Felicia looked away for a moment as she remembered how the captain treated recently when he made her visit the site of the explosion. Or even just today at the vending machine! But she couldn’t tell that to Gwen as she was obviously trying desperately to grasp onto any small bit of hope and happiness. And that was something she could not deny from her best friend.

She knew that she had to fight her own battles outside of Gwen’s sight. Which was much easier now that she was a… She stopped that thought right there but she hated herself for even getting there.

“Yes.” she said with a smile “He might change. I have yet to see any sign of that but for your sake I will not object if he wishes to make amends.”

“Thank you, Felicia.” said Gwen with a smile.

Chapter Text

The first thing Gwen noticed when Felicia pushed her wheelchair through their apartment’s front door was the smell of fresh paint.

“You redecorated again?” she asked with a smile, thinking it was just the usual yearly redo that Felicia did when she got bored with the colors and furniture. But as she was pushed to the living room, she was surprised to see mostly the same couch, furniture and decorations.

“Not really, I just ordered some… adjustments to your new situation.”

“You know you don’t need to beat around the bush. I am a cripple now, you can say it out loud.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” said Gwen and she reached behind to hold Felicia’s hand “What’s done is done, no reason to ponder over it endlessly. We have to move on and live our lives.”

Felicia nodded and walked back to close the door then she pulled off her shoes. As she put them on the shoe rack, she realized that Gwen’s sneakers were still there. She frowned then quickly turned back to Gwen and moved deeper into the apartment.

“Let me show you around.” said Felicia and she slowly pushed the wheelchair towards the kitchen “There is a ramp here, if you press this button, it will elevate you so you can reach the sink. As you can see there are handrails too to make things easier.”

“And the light switches are moved too…”

“Yes, I tried my best to move everything to a comfortable height. You will get used to it all in no time!” she even smiled and kept showing small details. “Now let me show you to your room.”

“I know where it is.” Gwen teased.

“I know, I just want to show off a bit.”

“Very well” Gwen leaned back and pointed towards her room “Onwards!” she shouted playfully and they laughed as Felicia pushed her with some speed till they reached the door.

Felicia stepped in front of Gwen as she opened the door, theatrically revealing the interior. Gwen’s eyes went wide for a moment.

“Wow.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah… you used the colors that we talked about some time ago.”

“I did. I know I was a bit presumptuous of some details but I wanted it to be a surprise and to be finished by the time you got released, so I hope that is okay.”

“Don’t apologize for doing such an amazing job. I love it, really. And I am grateful that you made this all happen.” Gwen held onto the wheels and slowly pushed herself into the room. Felicia didn’t help but she kept her hands close just in case.

“The contractor said that the smell will be gone in a few days.”

“I won’t complain, anything that’s not hospital smell will be better.” she rolled to her bed that had still rings above it, like the ones gymnasts used.

“For easier movement when you get in and out of bed” said Felicia before Gwen could even ask. “Can remove them at any time if you don’t want them.”

“Thank you that is very considerate of you.”

Gwen noticed that despite the new things and the painting, everything was back at its place, down to the smallest of details. Her plushies, her books, notes, even the clothes that she left months ago – though she saw that they were all washed. When she went to her table her laptop was there with her headphones, her diary along with all the little knick knacks, figurines and pins she collected over the years.

“Thank you, Felicia.” she said with a low voice “Thank you for everything.”

“You are welcome.” Felicia stepped closer and put a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Come here for a moment, I have to show you this.” she held the wheelchair and pushed Gwen next to the bed where there was a machine instead of a nightstand.

“What is this? A doomsdays device?”

“Yeah” Felicia laughed “It’s an oxygen concentrator. Essentially gives you 90-something percent oxygen to help you breathe easier.”

“You know my lungs are doing better.”

“I know, this is here just in case. If you need it, push that button to turn it on and just use that mask. Easy.”

“It feels like you got a medical degree recently but I guess you probably had ample time looking into things while I was in a coma.”

“Something like that.” said Felicia with a faltering smile “But let’s not talk about that. My mom will arrive soon and then we can eat. Would you like me to show you your new bathroom?”

“Thank you but I think I can figure that out.” said Gwen with a chuckle.

“All right, one last thing, please keep this on you at all times.” she said and gave a little remote looking device to Gwen.

“What is this?”

“This is an alarm. If you press this button” said Felicia and as she pressed it a beeping sound was audible throughout the apartment “In case of an emergency or if you need help with anything. It also send a notification to my phone.”

“I am not sure if I feel like an elderly person in a nursing home or an English aristocrat from one of those period dramas, you know where they have those little bells to call the servants.” said Gwen sarcastically while Felicia smiled and politely bowed.

“I am at your service, my lady.”

“This lady wishes her servant to be gone, so the lady can wash up and prepare for that feast of a lunch.”

“Very well, my lady.” Felicia bowed again and then left the room with a wink.

After Felicia left, Gwen once again looked around her room. She took in the feeling where everything looked the same yet it was different.

Then moved the wheelchair so she could look at herself in the mirror. She saw a young woman in a hoodie. Her hair was still short, just barely a couple of centimeters long, though it was now long enough to hide the scars. Then she looked down at her legs, the still bandaged stumps were hidden under the sweatpants.

She felt warm, a hoodie and sweatpants were too hot for summer but she didn’t feel comfortable enough to show the world all the scars on her body. She didn’t like to look at them either.

“Denial?” she asked from herself. Then she opened the door to her closet and looked through her t-shirts. Most of them had short sleeves as she loved the freedom and she could always show off her muscles. Now those muscles were gone and only scars remained.

As she picked out some of the long-sleeved t-shirts that she had, she looked at the mirror at the end of the closet that hid the secret door, just like the one on Felicia’s side. She took a long look with a sudden urge to walk in there, put on her suit and web-swing through the city.

Then she opened her eyes and a legless and broken woman looked at her from the mirror with a sad and tired face.

***

Lydia was more than happy to celebrate with the girls Gwen’s release from the hospital. She made soup and stew, things that Gwen loved. The meal went well and they had a good time in a more familiar and nicer setting.

After they ate, Felicia cleared the table and went to the kitchen to take care of the dishes so Gwen and Lydia could have a chat.

“So how are you feeling?” asked Lydia.

“It’s strange. I still feel this anxiety, like being here, at home is still just temporary. Whenever I close my eyes, I can still see that room in the hospital.”

“Now that you are home, things will be better.”

“I hope so, though I don’t know yet what I will do with myself.”

Lydia looked at her and for some time she wondered if she should ask the question about Spider-Woman’s future or just let Gwen settle in first. She opted for another time to bring up the subject.

“I lost my part time job at the bookstore. I can’t be a drummer at the band either. And I just got a letter from the university I applied to. I got rejected.”

“Wait, hold up dear, let’s take one step at a time. Bookstore?”

“There is a bookstore nearby, I worked there part time.”

“I didn’t know about that one, I thought that you worked with the band.”

“The band was fun but that didn’t bring in much cash, thus I worked also at the bookstore. It was good, relaxing.”

“So, they just fired you?”

“Well, technically I didn’t show up for work for a month so…”

“You were in a coma, don’t they take that into account?”

“They did once I was able to call them. The boss was apologetic and he would even take me back in an instant but I can’t really do that kind of work from a wheelchair.”

“I see. I am sorry.” Lydia reached out and held onto Gwen’s arm, gently rubbing it. “The band?”

“They would want me back but I had to take an indefinite hiatus because I don’t have legs anymore. So, they got a new drummer for the time being.”

“I am sorry dear but I don’t understand. What’s the issue there?”

“Well, legs are kind of important to operate the pedals but that could be solved by making custom kits, still it would take a long time to get used to that, not to mention getting back to the level where I was. The band can’t just sit around and wait who knows how many years for me to get back in shape. But as things stand now, I would probably pass out from a couple of minutes of playing.”

“Do you still have shortness of breath?”

“Yeah, though it’s not as bad as a month ago. Now I can talk and even roll myself around a bit without feeling like a suffocate. But any meaningful physical exertion is still a no go without external oxygen supply and even with that my stamina is minimal.”

“I hope that will improve.”

“It should but it will never be as good as before.”

“I am sorry, dear. I truly am.”

“It’s okay, really. I might never win an Olympic medal but I am alive.”

“You have such a strong spirit, I always adored that.” she said with a smile and then she turned more serious “But I hope that you are not just putting up a show for me. Gwen, I do care about you, I hope you know that. You meant a lot to me even before but now that you saved my daughter’s life… I hope I am not overstepping by saying that, you are like a second daughter to me.”

Gwen looked at Lydia, surprised and a little emotional. She had known Lydia for the better part of her life, she was always smiling, caring, kind and helpful. Lydia was the first adult she came out to and she accepted her fully for who she was without any ifs or buts.

The trust between them was very strong. So much so that she told her that she was Spider-Woman, that made Lydia the only person other than Felicia who has known her secret. Gwen moved the wheelchair while Lydia stepped over so they could hug each other.

“You are like a mother to me” she said “Thank you for being in my life.”

They stayed like that while Felicia watched them from the kitchen with a warm smile on her face.

***

In the evening Felicia and Gwen relaxed in the living room after Lydia left. They had some wine and snacks as they had a good conversation together, like they used to.

“So” said Felicia “I heard you talked to mom about a university, what was that about?”

“I applied for arts and music courses. You know, for drawing and the drums. I thought it could be fun but I got rejected. It’s no big deal.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you applied?”

“I don’t know” Gwen shrugged “I guess it wasn’t that serious, just felt like a good idea at the time. But I didn’t expect to be accepted anyway.”

“You can reconsider if you like at any time.”

“I don’t know… perhaps. I guess first I will have to figure out what I want to do with my life now. But not today, I am tired so I will just go to bed.” she put down her glass and put her hands on the wheels but Felicia was faster and she pushed Gwen gently towards her bedroom.

“You know I can do this on my own, right?”

“I know but I like to help.”

“At this rate I will become dependent on you.”

“Would that be a bad thing?”

Gwen wondered what the right answer would be but as she was tired and probably a bit tipsy, she just laughed it off.

When they arrived to her bed, she slowly started to raise herself from the wheelchair, then Felicia suddenly stepped in front of her, reached under her arms and lifted her up, ending up like they were hugging.

Gwen wanted to laugh, to joke or to say something but for a moment she felt a familiar warmth that she missed for a long time. She crossed her arms behind Felicia’s back and moved her head closer for a whisper.

“Felicia… thank you so much for everything. I know that you did a lot and I probably don’t know even half of it.”

“You are being silly, you saved my life. This is nothing compared to that.”

“In that case… could you please hold me like this for another minute?”

“Sure.” said Felicia with a smile “I can make that two.”

“Two would be amazing.” Gwen rested her head on Felicia’s shoulder who stood there strong with a smile on her face.

Chapter Text

Felicia opened the door and let Gwen roll in with the wheelchair. The medical room was large and the doctor stood up to greet them.

“Miss Stacy, it is good to see you.” said the doctor.

“Good afternoon, Doctor Nichols. Likewise.” said Gwen with a smile then she looked behind, Felicia was hesitant for a moment but eventually walked into the room too.

“Hello Doctor.” she said and she walked next to Gwen.

“Miss Hardy, I see you are still at your friend’s side. Good, let’s get down to business.” he said and pointed towards the examination table “I will need you up there, if you please.”

Gwen rolled the wheelchair next to the table and lifted herself onto the bed, then she pulled down her jeans, revealing her bandaged stumps. Felicia stood next to her, ready to help if needed.

Doctor Nichols stepped there and put on a pair of latex gloves.

“Do you still feel pain?”

“Sometimes.”

“Is it bad?”

“No.” said Gwen but when she felt Felicia put her hand on her shoulder she sighed “Sometimes. But it’s getting better.”

“Still have from the painkillers you got last time?”

“I have a few yes but I try not to use them.”

“That is a good mindset but you know you can take them if needed.”

“I am afraid of addiction.”

The doctor nodded while he started to remove the bandages from the stumps. He was slow and gentle, making sure not to tug it.

“Addiction is a dangerous thing, so it makes sense that you are afraid. But it is also important that you properly manage your pain, if you don’t take a painkiller when it’s really needed then the pain might become worse and harder to manage. We can try other painkillers or different dosage too.”

Gwen nodded and looked at Felicia who kept smiling at her so she would feel more at ease while the doctor removed the last bits of bandage. She saw that Felicia took a glance.

“Is it bad?”

“On the contrary, I would say that the stumps are perfectly healed” said the doctor while he took a closer look under the light “While I wouldn’t recommend going for prosthetics just yet, you should strengthen them with physical therapy first. Obviously, if you feel pain or something is wrong then contact me or another medical professional immediately.”

Gwen slowly looked down at her legs and saw them without bandages for the first time. She moved them around a bit and she couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was unnatural that she didn’t see her feet.

“Would you like a mirror?” asked the doctor.

“No… it’s enough for now, thank you.”

“Very well, you can get dressed.” said the doctor and walked to his desk “I will get you a new prescription of painkillers, they are not as strong as the current ones so you may take them with more ease but please don’t exceed the recommended dosage. And of course, please don’t mix the two.”

“Got it” Gwen pulled up her jeans and sat back into the wheelchair. Felicia stood by and watched patiently, when Gwen noticed she smiled “Afraid of losing your job?”

“No, I am actually happy that you can manage on your own.”

“Ah, don’t tell me I have been a bother all this time?”

Felicia opened her mouth to deny but then she noticed Gwen’s smirk.

“Oh you…” she said and felt awkward when she heard the doctor chuckle.

“My apologies, don’t mind me ladies.” he said and kept typing on his computer. Felicia rolled her eyes then leaned closer to Gwen.

“I will get some snacks, I will wait outside.” she smiled and held onto Gwen’s shoulder for a moment. She quietly left the room while Gwen kept looking after her.

The doctor kept making notes for a couple more minutes, then he turned towards Gwen.

“Okay, your prescriptions are done. I also made an appointment for next month, that will be just a checkup. Is there anything else I could help you with?”

“Well, I wanted to ask something.” she started “I haven’t had my period in… since before my accident. I just realized it a couple of days ago and it worries me.”

“Thank you for telling me. Not having your period can be a result of many things, in your case it could be severe stress, shock from the explosion, brain and spinal injury and so on. Each on their own might have caused this, we will have to run some tests, I can give you an appointment for a blood test as early as tomorrow.”

“Is it serious?”

“I cannot say without seeing the test results. According to your latest ultrasound everything seems to be fine so it’s probably not a serious issue.”

“So, it can happen just like that?”

“When the body goes through such extreme trauma like in your case, that affects many organs and the damage can cause the body to stop the menstrual cycle for some time. In most cases it resolves itself once the patient fully recovers.”

“Then I can just wait and see?”

“I would prefer to run those tests, just to be safe.” he said and waited for Gwen’s response. She looked into the distance and sighed.

“Miss Stacy, I know that you are probably tired of being in the hospital, rightfully so. But I think it would be better if we ran those tests.”

“Okay, let’s do it.” she gave a tired smile “I am sorry, I really shouldn’t complain, you and many other people here saved my life and I am rolling around today alive and well because of that.”

“You are welcome, we were just doing our jobs. I will text you your appointments.” he smiled “Is there something else I can help you with?”

“No, thank you once again. Have a good day.”

“You are welcome and have a nice day you too!” he stood up and opened the door to let Gwen out.

***

Felicia sat on a chair near the doctor’s office, tapping on her phone. When she heard the wheelchair, she looked up and put away her phone.

“All good?”

“Yeah. I got appointments and prescriptions.”

Felicia nodded and followed Gwen, walking next to her. As they reached the elevator they waited in silence.

“I am happy you told him about the pain.” said Felicia.

Gwen wanted to answer but she kept silent. She felt the pain. In her legs. Arms. Chest. Back. Everywhere. It was constant. She remembered what Doctor Nichols said:

‘When the body suffers burns, nerves get damaged that can cause all kinds of feelings, like pain. This can be medicated till it heals but in some cases the damage is irreversible.’

She tried to hide the pain. She didn’t want Felicia to know but she is clever, she figured it out.

“I hoped that it will be better.” said Gwen “I mean, it is better. But sometimes it just hurts so much. All over. Like I am stung by a million hornets at the same time.”

“I am sorry. I will find you some doctors who specialize in pain management.”

“Felicia… it’s not that easy.” said Gwen then she looked around to see nobody was around, then she whispered “The problem is my heightened senses. My main ability is sensing things and since the… event my body is in overdrive. It’s like I feel every single damaged cell, my body is sending me messages of every little injury. Constantly. Normally I could ignore the pain, that’s how I could fight even when I was injured. But now it’s just… too much.”

“Then why don’t you take the painkillers?”

“Because I don’t want to get addicted. I do take them sometimes, when it’s really bad.” Gwen reached out and grabbed Felicia’s hand “But I am afraid that if I just let myself slip… only once… then… I will not be able to stop.” she shivered.

Felicia looked at Gwen, not understanding what she saw at first but then she realized that what she was looking at was vulnerability, something Gwen has rarely ever shown before. She was genuinely afraid. Scared even. The brave woman who fought hardened criminals all by herself seemed to be so fragile and defenseless. She knelt in front of the wheelchair and embraced Gwen with a hug.

“I understand.” she said “And I will help you. We will talk to a specialist, I will find one today. And if you like, I can offer you to hold onto your pain pills, so I can monitor how much you take. Would that be all right?”

She felt Gwen’s arms tightening around her.

“Thank you.”

“I am here for you, Gwen. No matter what you need. Just please ask anything and I will make it happen.”

Gwen laughed but didn’t let Felicia go for a single second as she felt safe.

“I want this moment to last forever.”

Felicia also laughed then she whispered into Gwen’s ear.

“Done.”

***

In the evening Gwen kept looking at the ceiling from her bed, thinking about the meeting with her doctor and the things they talked about. She wondered why she was bothered by her not having a period. She hated having it, every time it came it was painful, distracting and just a bother.

Now she missed it. She was worried about what it meant not having it. She knew that it might never come back. Which might mean… No. She could not think like that. Like doctor Nichols said, her body needed to heal, she had still a long way to go.

She tried to think about something else. Felicia. She was really there for her. Always helping, supporting and caring. She started to wonder what she did to deserve any of that.

“Nothing really.” she said to herself. She looked towards the closed door. She wanted to say something to her. To thank her. But how? Words were so… inadequate and she said ‘thank you’ a million times already. Would it mean anything to tell it to her one more time? She should show or do something to express how grateful she was. Actions are louder than words.

She reached out for her phone and started typing a text.

‘I would like to cook something for Felicia. Could you please send me the recipe of something she really loves?’

She hit send and waited, wondering if she could actually cook something decent. She had some kitchen skills that she picked up after her mother died, given she had to do everything for her father and herself. Lydia helped her a lot over the years but she usually went for the simple things that she could do quickly.

Her phone buzzed and she looked at it.

‘I can help you making something for her.’

‘Teach me please. I would like to make it myself. For her.’

‘Okay dear, I can help you with that. We will come up with something. Let’s talk tomorrow.’

She smiled and put her phone down, wondering what will Lydia recommend her to make for Felicia. She knew that a meal was just a meal but it would be a good start to repay all her friend’s help and kindness.

***

Felicia kept looking at her laptop while holding her phone, making calls, sending e-mails and searching for ways to find the right doctor for Gwen. It was not easy, not even in the digital age. She had to dig through endless number of fake accounts, scammers, AI bots and other traps to find a real human doctor who was qualified to treat Gwen.

She glanced at the pills Gwen gave her. It wasn’t just a bit of help she provided. It was trust. Responsibility. Agency. Something that was a weight on her shoulders but she would never think of it like that.

After another call ended in failure, she realized that it was almost midnight, of course nobody would pick up their phones at that hour. She should have gone to bed already, there were things to do the next day and she had to be well rested. But she didn’t want to, she was afraid of the nightmares that have plagued her nights for months.

She leaned back in her chair and put her legs up onto the desk, thinking about the things on her to-do list. She had to find doctors, making appointments and probably it would be time to find a psychiatrist she can talk to about Gwen as she seemed to be off sometimes. No wonder, the things she went through were… horrible.

She still vividly remembered that day. Them standing in line to get some ice cream. The fountain. The blast. The smell. The smoke. The ash. The silence. The flames. The blood. Gwen’s lifeless body. Feeling lost, helpless. Then when she was running to find help with Gwen in her arms, she realized that it wasn’t real. She was dreaming. It was the nightmare she had every night. And she screamed while she hoped to wake up.