Archive of Our Own ^beta

Reese gasped when they saw that the cheer squad’s roster had been emailed out. They almost couldn’t look, but they’d worked for months on their tryout and they felt really good about it. Maybe this was finally their time. Maybe after four years of such hard work, they could finally live out their dream. It was now or never.

They clicked on the email.

Cairo Adekoya

Chess Belmont

Katelyn Dalton

Annleigh O’Daniel

Farrah O’Daniel

Matilda Wheeler

Riley Williams (captain)

They re-read that list three, four, five times. But no amount of re-reading would put their name on the list. They hadn’t made the team.

What did I do wrong? They searched through their camera roll and pulled up a video they took of themself doing the routine right before tryouts. Did I not straighten my legs enough? Did I not stick the landing on the cartwheel? Was the toe-touch not high enough?

Before they could pick the video apart further, a notification popped up. It was a text message from Riley, the new captain, who had been on the team since her freshman year. As if they needed more salt in the wound. Against their better judgment, they clicked on it.

Hey Reese!! 👋 I’m sorry you didn’t make the team, we only had so many spots available :/ But your energy and enthusiasm is much appreciated and I was wondering if you were interested in being the school mascot!! I know it’s not what you were hoping for, but you’ll grow to love it, I promise!! 🥰

Being the mascot seemed to be a shitty consolation prize. But it was better than nothing. They’d still be on the field with the team every Friday. And besides, they were a senior now, so this was the closest they were ever getting to being a cheerleader. So they took it.

That summer, while everyone else was working out and practicing their skills for the team, Reese was working out and practicing their skills to dance in a sweaty tiger costume. They were dreading it until Riley had them come to the school to make sure the mascot fit right.

“You’re lucky, you know,” she said. “The cheerleaders might be the soul of the school, but you’re the face of it. You’re the tiger.”

Reese had never thought about it like that, and they certainly didn’t realize how highly Riley thought of it. Maybe she was right, they would grow to love it. So for the rest of the summer, they put their heart and soul into being the mascot. They practiced their flips and stunts while wearing the costume. They put “GCHS Mascot 2021-2022 🧡🖤” in their Instagram bio. And for a moment, being the mascot started to feel less like a consolation prize and more like something to be genuinely excited about.

Until the cheer sleepover.

Technically, Reese wasn’t even supposed to be at the sleepover because they weren’t a cheerleader. But Riley invited them anyway because, in her words, “You can’t have the Tigers without the tiger!” And Reese was thrilled to bond with the team, maybe even make some friends. But those hopes were squashed the second they walked in the door.

“What are you doing here?” asked Cairo.

Reese sensed the disdain in Cairo’s voice, but tried to ignore it. “I got an invite!” they said cheerfully.

“This is a cheer sleepover, not a furry convention.”

Reese’s smile faded, but they tried to remember what Riley said. “The cheerleaders might be the soul of the school, but you’re the face of it.”

“I’m part of the team,” they said firmly.

Cairo rolled her eyes. “You can work the speaker.”

Reese sighed. Not a great start. Still, they kept their head held high. It had to get better, right?

They walked into the basement and saw a younger girl who looked genuinely starstruck. That must be Matilda Wheeler, the freshman, Reese figured (this suspicion was confirmed when Riley had everyone introduce themselves). Mattie was sweet and awkward and eager, just as Reese had been three years earlier, and they couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy for her. She was in for an amazing four years that had been just out of Reese’s reach.

It only got worse when Annleigh and Farrah showed up.

“I joined the team as a freshman too, so I know what it’s like,” she told Mattie.

Farrah snatched the pom pom from her sister. “I’m Farrah, I’m a sophomore. I joined the team as a freshman too, it’s not a special club.”

Except it kinda is. All four of the girls who’d joined as freshmen would have an extra year of experience under their belt that the rest of the girls didn’t get. They had never gotten rejected from the team. And that was pretty goddamn special.

“Actually, Farrah,” said Riley, taking the pom pom, “everyone here is special!”

Reese sighed. But then Riley handed them the pom pom and they saw an opportunity to make a good first impression on the team.

“Hi! I’m Reese, and I’m a senior!” they exclaimed.

Before they could say anything else, Cairo piped up, because of fucking course she did. “Reeses is our resident furball!”

“Mascot is the actual word!” Reese snapped back. God, they hated that nickname. Was it too late to go home?

Later on, Riley was teaching Mattie everything she’d need to know for the upcoming year- the color of the uniforms, etiquette for home vs away games, a lot of inspirational stuff. And Mattie was hanging onto every word. It reminded Reese of when she gave them that spiel about being the mascot over the summer.

Reese knew it was unfair to envy Mattie this much- they just met her and she seemed so sweet. But they just couldn’t help seeing their younger self in this girl and all the things that could’ve been but just weren’t.

Reese was probably the most devoted to cheerleading besides Riley. They’d been dreaming about it their whole life- being on the team with all their new friends, spending every Friday night on the field, going to Regionals and maybe even Nationals. Their mom was a cheerleader in high school, and so was their grandma. They even had a cousin from Missouri who went through a lot of the same struggles they did: she wasn’t stick-skinny like the rest of the girls, so she was put in the mascot costume for all four years of high school. Or at least, she was supposed to be. But then right before her senior year started, she was transferred to a different school, got super popular, and joined the cheer squad where she found lifelong friends and a long-term partner. Her story was what kept Reese so optimistic all these years- maybe they, too, would run into a miracle and find their perfect moment.

But if tonight was of any indication, that wasn’t happening anytime soon. All because the other girls couldn’t see past what they looked like.

Reese had never been insecure about their body, per se. Sure, getting bullied since second grade was hell, but they didn’t internalize it- at least, they tried not to. They knew their worth, even if other people didn’t. More than anything, they were insecure about the way other people perceived them because of their body. Like a joke or an emotional punching bag. They had so much more to offer than that. They knew they were strong and dedicated and capable. Who knows, maybe they could have been the captain in a more accepting world.

“I think we should take a look at the new cheer. Uh- Reeses, why don’t you go find the others?” Riley requested.

Reese flinched at the nickname, but decided to take one last try at being a part of something. “Or I could take Chess’s spot if she needs a break.”

“Oh! Uh, I think- um…I think it’s best we don’t confuse things,” Riley stammered, and for the first time Reese noticed how forced her cheerful tone was. Had it been that forced all night?

“I remember the combination from tryouts.” Their words were firm, but their voice was a bit shaky. They still weren’t used to the whole standing-up-for-themself thing.

“Oh, that’s sweet.” And she’s so goddamn condescending too, how did I not notice that before? “Look, why don’t you just get everyone down here first, okay?”

The silence that followed was loud as Reese admitted defeat and started to walk out of the basement. “Totally. On it!”

“Thanks! That’s so helpful!” Riley called out in a sickeningly sweet sing-songy tone. Cairo barely waited for Reese to close the door before talking.

“Why’d you even invite her?”

“You can’t have the Tigers without the tiger!” Riley said. Reese smiled, thinking someone was finally defending them when they weren’t in the room. But then she just had to open her mouth again. “Besides, a gesture of goodwill never killed anyone.”

“Except Jesus!”

“Annleigh, what the fuck!”

A gesture of goodwill? So that was what it was all about? A moral obligation, a need to feel like the bigger person? The entire reason Reese allowed themself to get excited about being a mascot was because Riley spoke so highly of it, and she’d been so damn convincing about it. Was it all just performative bullshit, or did she just say something snarky to appease Cairo? Because in either case, she was really good at being fake and Reese hated that. Sure, Cairo was kind of a bitch and her snarky comments hurt, but at least they never had to wonder where they stood with her. But Riley’s faux kindness and condescending “gestures of goodwill” had them questioning everything.

Eventually they swallowed the lump in their throat and went to go find Chess and Farrah, praying the night wouldn’t get any worse.