Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ever since Alex had decided to stay in Roswell, his life had been one full of love, life, and utter happiness.

In the mornings, he woke to Michael sleeping peacefully beside him, and his heart soared at the sight.

In the afternoon, he took his hour lunch break from work to drive to the junkyard just to beg and plead for Michael to take his as well so they could sit around the bonfire and talk about anything and everything (according to Maria and the Internet, this is how a good relationship is built).

In the evenings, he and Michael would wind up at either the Crashdown Café or the Wild Pony, enjoying the company of friends in either location until one or both of them felt the pull to go somewhere more private.

It was the private times when it was just him and Michael that he looked forward to most in his day.  It would either lead them to some semi-private place where they would join together and become deliriously hot for one another, or it would lead them to the cabin Alex had bought from the Valenti family, where they would cuddle up in front of the fireplace just to enjoy the warmth emanating from it and each other. At the same time, they whisper about plans for the future.

Alex loved his job; by the way, he worked at the hospital as a receptionist, and it seemed sort of poetic that he was helping people who needed it.  Some of them were lost souls, like he once was, while others had known a happy life, like he was having now.

He wanted all of the patients that walked through the door to eventually get better so they could return to their happy lives or continue trying to find the person that they needed in order to become something better than a lost soul.

This is why he was shocked into silence when, not one but two, familiar faces showed up at the hospital while he was on shift three months after he and Michael had started dating.

“Oh, hell no,” he said as he clenched his jaw when he saw the familiar faces of The Husband and The Writer in ER beds beside one another.

He had to stop this nonsense now before it got worse.  He couldn’t allow them to try and get into Michael’s head just so he’ll leave Alex to continue the fucked up cycle the three of them were slaves to.

He always starts with Carl and ends with Robert every few years when the universe believes it’s trying to give him good things when, in reality, it wasn’t.  These two are his worst nightmares; he should rebrand them as The Liar and The Cheat for all the pain and suffering both of them have caused him over the years.

He walks over to both of them and pulls the curtain between them open after pulling the outside ones closed.

“This is going to stop, right now,” he sniped angrily.

“Jack!” both of them exclaimed in surprise.

Shutting his eyes, Alex tries to calm his breathing, “I am not Jack anymore, and both of you will do well to remember that.”

“You can be nothing but Jack, it’s your name after all,” Robert tells him as he starts looking like he wants to pull Alex over to him, while Carl looks like he wants to do the same.

“I am not that naive young thing anymore, and I am no longer a lost soul.  I know exactly where my home is, and both of you would do well to remember that,” Alex snaps at him, getting even more furious with both of them, thinking he’ll just drop his pants because of their history together.

Fuming, he walks away from them feeling the need to just get out of the building, to be with Michael, who, he knows, will make everything better after just being in his presence for five minutes.

Fortunately, he’s been telling the people in his friend group about his history, which they’ve been keeping quiet about.

“Kyle!” he shouted to the Doctor to get his attention.

Kyle looked behind him to see who called for him. “Alex, what’s up?” he inquires.

Alex’s jaw worked for a few seconds, allowing him to gather his thoughts before he pulled him away to a room off to the side and told him, “Carl and Robert are in the hospital.  I-I don’t know how they found me, but they did, and I have the feeling the cycle is about to start for them, and I-I can’t.  I’m not part of the cycle anymore, which must be why they are both here rather than just Carl.”

Alex was near frantic as he paced and informed Kyle about what was going on.

Kyle, trying to calm him down, says, “Hey, hey, it’s alright.  I’ll take care of them while you go home or go find Guerin, I don’t care which.  Get out of here, and get your head back together.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.  I need Michael, I need him,” Alex agreed as he walked out of the room so he could change out of his scrubs and then go to the junkyard where he knows Michael will be that time of day.

And, like predicted, he was there working on a Jeep.

Just like that, Alex’s body and soul already started feeling better as he walked over to Michael, “Hey there, hot stuff,” Alex says, coming up behind him and putting his hands on his boyfriend's hips.

Looking over his shoulder, Michael comments playfully, “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

Alex’s mind swings back to Carl and Robert, and immediately his mood swings from happy to sour again, which has him extracting himself away from Michael and turning around.

“Alex? What’s wrong?” Michael asks him, seeming to immediately sense the change within him as, this time, he was the one to place his arms around Alex’s waist.

Alex was hesitant to tell Michael what was going on, but they’d both vowed not to keep any secrets between them after Michael had gotten pissed at Alex one night, resulting in the cabinets in the cabin flying open and dishes breaking.  

That night, Alex found out Michael was an alien who’d crash-landed on Earth back in the ’40s, while Michael learned Alex was an immortal lost soul forced to live in a constant cycle until he found the person who could help break it.

Alex additionally told him about Carl and Robert, who were parts of his cycle that were always the catalysts to his misery.  He told him about how Carl tried to drown him with the Titanic and how Robert had lied his way into getting Alex to sleep with him.

Always good times when the people you’re forced to crash into are trying to either kill you or lie to you.

Taking a deep breath, Alex turns around to put his arms around Michael’s neck, “Carl and Robert are here in Roswell.”

Shocked, Michael asks, “What? Both of them?”

“Yes, both of them.  I got Valenti to cover for me while I took off and came here to see you.”

“Alex, you know both of them don’t hold any sway over you, right?”

Alex looks down as his hands follow the strong curve of Michael’s arms, touching the long-sleeved threadbare shirt that was once white but is now stained with oil and grease. “I know, but I’m afraid that whatever has given you to me will jerk me right back to them to continue the cycle.  I don’t want to just happen to find myself having sex with one or both of them while I’m thinking of you.  I am legitimately afraid that’ll happen and I’ll lose you because of it.”

“Oh, baby, that won’t happen.  I won’t allow it,” Michael reassures as he pulls Alex’s head down onto his shoulder while his other arm goes around him.

Alex encircles Michael’s waist with his arms as he shakes with the fear that he’s feeling.

He didn’t want to go back to being Jack; he didn’t want to go back to being pushed and pulled between the two Hells that he’s been forced to live between for centuries, but he’s never heard of any lost soul being able to break their cycles.

He’s never heard of any of the others breaking their cycles.  Leocadia the Whore, Sally the Actress, Alfred the College Boy, they’ve never broken out of their cycles like he was trying to do.

He’d chosen Michael himself rather than the meaningless sex that he’d had for centuries, just waiting for Carl and Robert to show up once more to ruin whatever good he’d been building up to those points.

If Michael is vowing to keep Alex from returning to the cycle like always, then he believes that Michael can keep him from returning to the agony that is Carl and Robert.

Later that night, Alex and Michael go to the Wild Pony to try and relax.  Michael wanted to get Alex out of his head, and Alex wanted to push Carl and Robert into the back of his mind so he could enjoy his night out with Michael like he always does before both of them go home to enjoy the rest of their evening together.

Someone, or rather someones, didn’t get the memo that the Wild Pony was a locals-only bar and that Alex was now considered a local.

If the devil wanted to pick a face, he’d have to pick between Carl and Robert because as soon as Alex saw them, he tensed up at the pool table he and Michael were playing at as he tracked their movements with narrowed eyes. By the time Maria DeLuca told them that the Wild Pony was a locals-only bar, Alex knew they weren’t hearing a word she was saying.

All Carl had to do was look up, and Alex knew he was caught, but that’s okay, as right when he looked up, so did Michael, and the cowboy went from taking a shot at the billiard balls to positioning himself behind Alex with a glare that could cut metal.

Alex knew what Michael was doing; he was showing the two that he claimed Alex as his own and that he won’t be giving him up just because two lost souls want to continue dancing the immortal dance all three of them have been doing since they were cursed to cross paths.

Robert looked over, not paying Maria a lick of attention any longer as his sights were set on Alex, and Michael went from glaring to all-out growling, which usually would turn Alex on if it wasn’t for the threatening edge he put into it.

“Jack!” Robert called out, making Alex flinch but just barely as he started walking over to them.

“I wouldn’t come any closer if I were you. Michael is very territorial,” Alex warned, his voice cold as he glared at both men.

“His name is Alex, Jack is dead,” Michael growled out at the two, holding his pool cue in his left hand tightly.

Alex knew that Michael was gearing up for a fight, and Alex would be right beside him, ready to put both of them back in the hospital.  Going to county jail be damned, he’s had enough of these two to last himself, quite literally, a lifetime.

“Jack isn’t dead, he’s standing right in front of you,” Carl said, motioning to Alex, who was still holding the nastiest glare he could muster on his face.

That’s when Michael had enough.  Michael has hated both of them ever since Alex told him about them and what they’d both done to him over the years, all because they were looking for something in each other they’d never be able to find.

He doesn’t know why he’s the only one out of the ten total that has acknowledged the cycle they are in, and why he seems to be the only one who wants to break out of it.  

Maybe it’s really because of Michael, maybe it’s because he knows happiness is a tangible thing when you go looking for it, and maybe he just needed to stop running from people.

He doesn’t know, but the fight he and Michael start with Carl and Robert feels so good.  

Hundreds of years of never being able to fight against a cycle he wanted no part of has finally come down to him beating the asses of the two men that have plagued him for so long, and he’s finally being rid of them.

When the deputies finally show up, Alex and Michael are hauled off to jail while Carl and Robert wind up back at the hospital.

Alex and Michael were dropped into the drunk tank (Maria convinced that the two were drunk enough to cause a fight together), and, well, this isn’t exactly new for Michael Guerin, as he’s always getting into bar fights.

Once they were left alone, the two of them turned towards one another to see what kind of damage the other had done to them.  Carl and Robert were, by no means, weak, but it didn’t exactly mean they knew how to barroom brawl either.

Michael had a cut on his right eyebrow and another on the right cheek, but his split lip was on the left, making it so he was nearly only hit on his right side rather than his left.

“You look like hell,” Michael tells him as he smooths back a few bits of Alex’s bangs before his hand brushes down the back of Alex’s face.

Alex, in contrast, had a black eye forming around his right eye, a bloody nose, and a bruise forming on his jaw.

Michael had gone for Carl, and Alex had gone for Robert.  Neither one of them regretted the decision because it felt good to release the pent-up rage they felt for both men; Alex having felt the most out of the two of them since he had to put up with both their bullshit for the last who knows how long it’s been.

“Yeah? Well, you don’t look much better there, Cowboy,” Alex says, grabbing onto the lapels of Michael’s button-down with his busted knuckles to pull him into a hungry kiss.

Michael grunted when the impact of Alex’s lips hit his split lip, but he wasn’t going to pull away just to complain about it when they’d both won a major victory against the men that have tormented Alex for so long.  He disabled the cameras in the room as he snaked his tongue into Alex’s mouth, causing them both to taste pennies as the kiss grew increasingly hungry.

He was just starting to unbutton Alex’s shirt when Max’s voice rang throughout the room, “Alright, that’ll be enough of that.  Lock up isn’t for having sex, it’s for thinking about whatchya did, and finding a reason not to do it again.”

Pulling away from each other, they promised to continue when they got home.

“Oh, but if they come back looking for Alex, I plan to continue sending them to the hospital until they finally get the message that he’s taken” Michael snarked back as he looked over to his brother with no regret in his eyes, just the familiar sarcastic tone and look he’s been giving his older brother for years now.

They haven’t been friends since high school, and Michael will be damned if he is going to be the one to make the first move.

“Those two had just gone over to talk to you is what some of the other patrons had said. Some of the others noticed their presence immediately made both of you tense.”

“Yeah, that’s because I have a long history with them, and when I finally make a clean break, they come back to fuck with the happiness that I’ve been building.  I’m with Michael in this, I will happily hit them with my fists over and over again until they finally get the clue that I’m fucking done with both of them,” Alex spits out, turning to look at Max with his one good eye.

Max sighs as he rubs his face with his hands, “They say that the attack was unprovoked and, I quote, “That Cowboy is holding Jack hostage and we want him back”.  Now, I don’t know who this Jack person is, but I’m going to take a gamble here and say they’re talking about you, Alex.”

Alex clenched his jaw, causing it to hurt as he gritted his teeth together, “Yeah, I was Jack once upon a time ago, but once upon a time ended the day I changed my name and took my destiny into my own hands.  They are so hung up on me being in love with them that they aren’t getting a clear message that I want nothing to do with either of them.”

Michael, picking up on where Alex left off, says, “They’re the worst thing that ever happened to Alex, and he’s been shot at.”

“Well, either way, they are claiming to want to speak to Alex.  They want to try to convince you to go with them back to New York.”

“I will be eaten by rabid coyotes before I go back to that despicable state ever again.  All that’s ever happened there is pain, misery, and suffering.  I’m fucking done with it and them.  You can tell them that, whatever they want to say, can be taken with them to the grave when they finally fucking die,” Alex grits out to him before turning his back to the deputy, indicating that his part of the conversation is over.

“Alex,” Max says, trying to get his attention, but Alex pretends that he is no longer there as he stares at the brick wall with an angry expression on his face.

“No, Max, he’s done.  He doesn’t want to talk to those scumbags, and you can’t make him.” Michael tells his brother in a serious tone of voice before he, too, turns his back on the deputy, indicating that both of them were done talking to him.

With a heavy sigh, Max leaves them alone to pass on the message that both of the men have given him.

The next morning couldn’t come any sooner. When both were finally released from the drunk tank, they started their way back to the Wild Pony, where Michael’s truck was located, but when they got there, Robert and Carl were already waiting, looking far worse for wear than Michael or Alex.

“What is it going to take for you two dipshits to finally realize that Alex is fucking done?” Michael asks the two of them as he increases his pace so he can sling a punch at Robert this time, as Alex started in on Carl.

Five minutes later, both sides look worse than they previously were before Robert shouts, “Enough! We are taking Jack home whether you like it or not!”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Michael growls out, causing his powers to lash out and throw Robert against the side of his truck, knocking him out.

Alex, deciding to take a pleading approach with Carl, says, “Please, Carl, none of this has to continue happening.  You can be free from the cycle that all three of us have been trapped in for so long.  You can move on, let go, and fall in love with someone who truly makes you happy rather than writhe in anguish.  I have fallen head over heels for Michael, and I don’t regret it.  He has filled my life with a happiness that I never knew existed until I met him.  Please, please, give life an actual chance and you will see how much better it is.”

“But you’re who made me happiest, Jack, you’re always the one I’ll want.”

Alex shakes his head, “But you’ll never be the one I want.  Now that I have Michael, I’ll never want anyone else.”

“But if we try again-”

“That’s the problem, Carl! We all tried over and over again, and it’s gotten us nowhere! We always ended up miserable in the end! You never accepted that you’re gay, and Robert never accepted that he’s desirable outside of making films, photos, or whatever artistic pursuit he’s doing now.  We’ll all be miserable, so we need to move on and break the cycle we’ve been trapped in for so long.  Just let it go.”

Carl looks down at the ground as he digests Alex’s words.  Alex knows that some of what he just said had to be getting through Carl’s head.

“We always are miserable in the end, aren’t we?” Carl asks in a mumbled tone.

“We are, and it hurts that it took me so long to see it.”

Carl sniffles as he goes on to say, “Misery loves its company, and I think you’re right.  I think it’s time Robert and I moved on from this.  I’ve been doing this for so long that I forgot what wanting something could feel like.  How do you want something that you’ve never known? How did you come to love someone so readily? Teach me, Alex, and I’ll always be in your debt.”

Alex gives him a small smile, “All you need to do is walk.  Learning to walk through life instead of running in it will show you that the little things do matter.  You can start by opening a shop in a small town, it could be teaching students in a high school about the world around them, or even as simple as sitting down to eat at a restaurant you’ve never been to.  Come up with an idea and then chase after it until you get it.  With Michael, it’s stupid easy to love him, as, yeah, he has his annoyances, but they’re annoyances that I would never want to erase from him.  You need to find that person who makes you think, “Hey, I would look good with you,” and then hope they feel the same way.  Just slow down, and make time for what matters in the end.”

Carl looks at Robert before looking at Alex, “Would my staying in Roswell upset the two of you? Maybe, if being here helped Ja-Alex, it could help me too.”

“So long as you don’t try to restart the cycle, I see no problem with it,” Michael tells him, looking at him with a “I’m dead serious” face.

Nodding, Carl looks down at the floor before looking up again.  “I can handle that.  I think Robert will be harder to convince, but maybe he’ll come around to seeing that Alex is happy with you.  After all, he chose you and you two seem…you seem good for one another.”

Michael just nods to him in thanks.

Looking down at Robert, Carl comments, “I’ll get to the hospital…again.  Hopefully, this will be the last time either of us goes.”

“Take care, Carl,” Alex says as he and Michael get into Michael’s truck and take off for the cabin they both live in.

Chapter Text

For six months, Carl has been living in Roswell, New Mexico, figuring his life out as he went along.  He first got himself a quaint, small house in the suburbs (the first decision he’s ever made concerning his life), he next got a job as an Assistant Interior Designer (thanks to Michael asking his sister), and then he started frequenting Planet 7 (the local gay club) in hopes of finding his “You and me would look good together” guy.

It was a struggle, at first, seeing Alex around town but the more it happened, the easier it was to resist the pull Alex had on him or, rather, the feelings that he’d always associated with Jack.

It was especially easier when he accidentally walked in on Alex and Michael having sex in Planet 7’s bathroom; everyone in their mutual friend group has done it at least once by now.

Robert, after he healed up from his concussion and other injuries, hadn’t listened to reason…at first.

It took him two weeks of near non-stop aggression between him and Michael before he finally got what Carl had been trying to tell him that whole time.  He’d lit up out of Roswell for Los Angeles faster than you can say “cat”.

Carl had gotten a postcard and a picture sent to him in the mail a few months ago that showed Robert with another man, their heads tilted together in a very cute couples pose.  The postcard had been simple and read, “I found my Michael.”  It had no return address, but Carl wouldn’t expect Robert to want to be found after all he’d done in Roswell to Alex (and Jack in the past), so all Carl did was show Alex the photo and postcard before Carl hung it up in his house.

He had been unbelievably happy for Robert, but now, he’s feeling as if maybe he wasn’t making the right decisions.  That he wasn’t trying enough new things or that he wasn’t going to find his Good Idea the right way.

So, as the weekend came, Carl decided to try out the local Farmer’s Market.  He’d never participated in it in the earlier months, but if he could get some fresh fruits and vegetables, maybe that’s another good decision that could get him towards a blossoming relationship? He could only hope at this point.

Walking around the Farmer’s Market is a whole new experience that Carl was ready for.  He grabbed a basket with hopes of finding fruits and vegetables that he liked, with the added hope of getting some of Maria’s fresh, hard lemonade that Alex raved was the best he’d ever had in his life.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged out of the mouse hole.  I never thought you’d come,” Isabel says as she starts looking at the fresh strawberries that Carl had been contemplating.

“Yeah, I thought I’d try another new experience that I haven’t yet,” Carl tells her as he decides on a pound of strawberries that looked good to him.

“One small step for Carl, completely immersing himself in the riches that are Roswell.  Now all you’re missing is the Drive-In and you’re all set,” Isabel responds as they meander down the line of stalls.

“Maybe, but I could also try every flavor of milkshake on Crashdown’s Menu too.”

“Bold.  I didn’t think you’d ever go quite that far.”

As they next came to a mushroom stand, Carl answered, “Sometimes going the distance is what some people need to do to make things happen in life.”

“Speaking from experience?”

Shaking his Carl tells her, “No, I don’t have much experience in a lot of things,...But I want to try to experience them at least once.”

“You will.  Just give yourself the chance, after all, you’re no longer calling Alex Jack, and that is a very big step for you.”

Huffing in laughter, Carl and Isabel continue walking and talking about the random odd subject, about their latest commission, and when Max will ask Liz to marry him, based on what Isabel knows about her brother and what Carl has seen of both of them.

It wouldn’t be until 4 PM, as the stalls are closing and the Pony is starting to get into full swing, that Carl and Isbael meet up with everyone else for a drink.

“Okay, okay, so Carl is betting that Max will ask Liz to marry him in two months when Prom season starts,” Isabel tells Maria conspiratorially.

“Hm, yeah, I can see that, but Liz would want a summer wedding, which she could plan for all year,” Maria comments.

“Well, ask her this year and they can get all their catering and whatnot booked up for next year when there’s less competition for spots,” Carl says, thinking it logical.

“Very true, the sooner the wedding, the more it’ll cost, but book it in advance and you’re looking at at least a couple hundred dollars less,” Iz nods in agreement with him.

“Who or what are we talking about?” Alex asks as he slides into the booth beside Carl.

The animosity with him has been slowly dying down, but for Alex and Carl, there’s always going to be some sort of fucked up need to be around each other, regardless of how many times Carl accidentally walks in on Michael and Alex making out or how much he’s finding it easier and easier to be around him without wanting to do exactly that himself.

“We were talking about the fact that it’d be cheaper for Liz to plan for a summer wedding next year rather than this year,” Isobel answers, taking a drink of her beer casually.

“Hey! Hey! No! I’m still betting he’ll ask in the fall with some grand gesture!” Alex exclaimed.  Michael, coming up behind him, hands Alex a beer while motioning for Carl to scooch in some more.

“There is literally no room left, Michael,” Carl tells the cowboy.

“Sit on Isobel’s lap, I don’t care,” Michael snarks.

“Alright, Cowboy, I want to play some pool.  You can take my seat,” Alex says, getting up out of the booth.

“But!” Michael shouted, trying to grab his boyfriend, whom he’s become attached to the hip.

“Nooo, you had to have a seat right beside me.  Now that I’m standing, you can sit down,” Alex playfully tells him.

“You two are so sickening that it’s actually adorable,” Isobel comments, looking at them like they’re her favorite tennis match.

“Har, har, Iz.  Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go play some pool,” Michael tells them, sliding his arm around Alex’s waist.

“Have fun,” Isobel tells them while batting her eyelashes at them.

Alex just laughs while Michael throws up his beer-laden hand to give her the bird, causing the booth to erupt into laughter.

Isobel, turning her attention back to Carl, lightly prods him, “So, when are you going to find your happily ever after?”

Carl sheepishly looks at her. “I don’t know,” he admits, “Maybe whenever someone shows even the slightest interest.”

Shaking her head, after taking a sip of her beer, “No, don’t allow just anyone with a dick pointing at you to come into your life and convince you that they’re as good as you’re going to get.  Find someone good, and then look for someone better.”

“I just…I don’t know if it’d be worth the trouble after all the time I spent cycling with Alex and my ex-wife.  I just want someone handsome and easy to get along with,” he confides while slowly spinning the bottle of beer in his hands.

Isobel, looking behind Carl, says, “Well, don’t look now, but a handsome man is eyeing you like a piece of candy, and I wouldn’t mind taking a bite out of him myself.”

Carl’s eyebrows furrow, then he turns to look at who she is talking about.  Indeed, a man is looking at him with interest, and, yes, Carl would like to take a bite out of him as well.

Turning back to Isobel, he says, “As you said, find someone good and then look for someone better.  Maybe he's the better option between him and Jack.”

Isobel just smirks and says, “Go get him, tiger.”

Gathering his courage, Carl goes up to talk to the man, finally taking the first step into a better romantic future for himself.