Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She avoids meeting him at first. Of course she memorizes the contents of all the pertinent briefs that come her way. And if she compares them to the old complaints of her former employers – then maybe all the more reason to keep her distance. Fury’s Avengers initiative isn’t gaining speed anyways. She’s got more pressing missions, the Man out of Time, becomes little more than a footnote in the weekly briefings.

But then –

“Barton’s been compromised.”

“...Let me put you on hold.”

They send her to collect Banner first. Nat’s not sure why her – the Banner half of him is a man, sure, but she’s not sure he’s going to be an easy mark. And she doesn’t think The Other Guy is interested in anything but pure rage. But she finds the doctor curious. He’s charming, in a dorky PhD kind of way, and when he raises his voice, and she flinches, he seems to be both amused and apologetic. 

As they fly over the Pacific, she keeps a close eye on the good doctor, but her mind has time to wander. Coulson’s picking up Stark, she wonders if he’ll detour to the boroughs to get Rogers or if someone else will go. Mostly, her thoughts are with Clint, and she’s already calculating the exact point at which she’ll bail on S.H.I.E.L.D. if needed to save his life. 

Nat checks that Banner’s staying put as the Quinjet lands. Coulson looks how he always does, maybe a bit giddy, as he ushers Captain Rogers onto the landing strip. No Stark. She meets them there and Coulson makes their introduction, “Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers.”

Rogers nods, “Ma’am?” She’s been called ma’am a lot, but the way he says it, yeah that’s a man straight from the 1940s.  She analyzes him, sizes up the man in front of her relative to his file. In person, he’s almost a bit disappointing. Sure, he’s a broad expanse of muscles under that jacket, and he has an almost comically handsome face – but he’s just… a guy. Nat knows better than most people not to judge a book by its cover, she’s really built her whole persona around it. But he looks like he might be more at home on some kind of television set more than on a battlefield.

She nods back prefunctorially, “Hi.” She sends Coulson away, “They need you on the bridge. They’re starting the face-trace.” She watches as Coulson hurries off and she subtly directs Rogers away from the Quinjet so the ground crew can get to work. “It was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice. I thought Coulson was gonna swoon. Did he ask you to sight his Captain America trading cards yet?”

He seems genuinely surprised, but amused. “Trading cards?”

“They’re vintage,” she smirks lazily, “He’s very proud.” She winces as she spots Bruce, she’s supposed to be watching him too, and he’s definitely getting in the way.

“Dr. Banner!” Nat stands back as Rogers introduces himself to Banner, a little surprised that he’s moved on from her attention so quickly. And clearly Rogers must’ve been given a file or two, because she’s gotten no indication that these two have ever met. Her earpiece hisses for a minute, “ Preparing to go airborne.”

She’s tuned out some of their conversation but she thinks Rogers might be cracking a joke when he says, “…Well this is actually kind of familiar.”

Nat feels the familiar hum of the Helicarrier getting ready to take off, and she steps forward, “Gentlemen, you might want to step inside in a minute. It’s gonna get a little hard to breathe.” She waits for their reaction as they step to the edge, expecting to submerge, but instead being lifted. Banner makes some kind of crack about being contained, and yeah, Nat wishes more people seemed put off by that idea.

She leads them inside to where Fury’s waiting. They both look oddly out of place in their unassuming clothes when everyone else is in suits and uniforms. Steve wordlessly hands Nick ten dollars. She wants to ask, but she doesn’t get a chance. She notices Maria Hill giving Rogers a once-over. She’ll ask later if Fury’s number 2 finds the Captain as lackluster as she does.

Nat crouches next to the nearest monitor with Clint’s face on it as they discuss what to do next. Fury directs her to show Banner to his lab and she leaves Rogers behind. “You’re gonna love it, doc. We’ve got all the toys.”

Nat has to admit, she immediately likes having a super soldier she can drop into a fight. It’s fun to come in on the ship, guns blazing from the start for once. She’s a spy at heart, and it’s a little odd to sit back and track Rogers’ progress through the crowded square waiting. 

She can’t help smiling when Stark drops in with his usual flair.

And she’s starting to see that Rogers isn’t a pillar of American militarism like he seems . He’s distrustful of S.H.I.E.L.D. He’s a bit of a snarky smart ass under the surface. “You know the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing.”

“The Soldier, the man out of time.” Nat does not like that Loki knows who the Captain is. 

“I’m not the one who’s out of time.” 

And Nat assumes that’s her cue, if she can get in a clear shot. “Loki, drop the weapons and stand down.”

Stark’s flair for the dramatic entrance comes in the form of hijacking her speakers and she can’t help but smile at the smug voice in her earpiece, “Agent Romanoff, did you miss me?” A little. She prefers Barton’s quiet approach, but every once in a while, Stark’s fun to work with. He’s certainly got style.

She tries to ignore the pair of them as she flies them back with their mark. Stark’s got a talent for annoying people and Rogers might just punch back. She barely knows them outside of their S.H.I.E.L.D. files, but she can tell already that they’re going to be an interesting match up if they don’t kill each other first. 

Then a God hijacks their ship and kidnaps their target.

“I’d sit this one out, Cap,” she warns as she watches Rogers grab a parachute to head after Stark, “These guys come from legend, they’re basically gods.”

Rogers quips back, “There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.” And then he jumps ship.

Nat exchanges a look with the S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot, Dan, whose amused smirk confirms she didn’t imagine that. She sighs as she reaches up to adjust the flight path and circle the ship back around, “These superheroes are all just arrogant assholes underneath, aren’t they?”

Chapter Text

Fury tasks her with working Loki. He’s not her most difficult mark, not by a long shot. Does it hurt to talk about Barton with the man – god – who took him from her? Sure. Is it a little unnerving hearing a stranger parrot back details of a mission Natasha’s worked years to bury? Definitely. But that’s the job. The words feel cold in her mouth, “Love is for children. I owe him a debt.” Doesn’t make them any less true. Sometimes you go with a lie, other times you go with something in line with the truth. Whatever it takes to get Clint back.

And it gets the job done. “So, Banner… That’s your play.” She taps her earpiece, “Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way. Send Thor as well.” She’s already moving, but she stops. She can have one minute to be a bit prideful, and it’s kind of become her calling card – she stares at the God in the cage, “Thank you for your cooperation.”

Unfortunately she misses the start of the Banner-Rogers-Stark confrontation with Fury about Stage 2 . She does what she does, what she’s supposed to do, and tries to coax Banner out of the situation. It’s odd, she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with Banner. He seems indifferent to her sensuality, and yet, he’s here. But she doesn’t get the sense he’s bought into their mission either, and certainly not S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Banner won’t go, pressing Fury for answers about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s weapons plan. They’re all getting tense now, sniping at one another like children, even Fury. Taking shots at one another that have nothing to do with what they perceive to be the issue at hand. And Nat’s got a lot riding on Fury, on S.H.I.E.L.D., so for now, that’s where her stone must be cast. She owes that much to Clint at the very least, “Are you boys really that naive? S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats.”

Banner scoffs, “Captain America’s on a threat watch?”

“We all are,” she says, drawn further into their argument. A little part of her sparks with doubt though. Maybe, somehow, she’s the one who’s being naive. They’re all here because they have to be, maybe even want to do the right thing, but none of them trust in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s mission. She’s the only one bought into the work, the organization. And isn’t that exactly what a sucker does? 

Stark and Rogers are increasingly butting heads. She’s not surprised. They’re not alike at all on paper, most would assume they’re opposites. Catholic altruistic alter boy turned superhero Steve Rogers. Hedonistic egotistical playboy Tony Stark – though he’s shown a bit of growth lately. Nat’s learned a long time ago that people aren’t paper. They’re feelings and fears and desires wrapped up in their own priorities. And Rogers and Stark both feel scared. Scared of S.H.I.E.L.D., of the scepter, of their collective potential.

Banner snaps, “I mean what are we? A team? No, no, no. We’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re… we’re a time bomb.”

Fury commands firmly, “You need to step away.”

Stark goads Banner for a reaction, rankingly Rogers, and Nat can’t imagine that he’s anxious to go back in the water if the Helicarrier goes down in a Hulk-related incident. She’s not really into that prospect either. 

Stark self identifies as a ‘genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’. Nat nods. On paper, that’s Tony Stark, and she appreciates him sticking to the brand. She’s seen glimpses of a soft side – anxieties, insecurities, but damn if he hasn’t mastered being arrogantly charming.

Rogers spits back, “I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

Nat watches as the tension in the room shifts entirely to these two, trying to get one up on each other. “I think I would just cut the wire.”

Rogers’ face twists into a gruesome mirthless kind of smile. For a moment, she sees what she imagines the Nazis saw – a lethal force that outstripped the bounds of human strength. “Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

Stark repeats, “A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.” Nat sees that Rogers feels that. Some part of him thinks that too. 

And Rogers – Nat’s starting to wonder if he’s got a death wish – still wants to give Tony a fair fight. “Put on the suit. Let’s go a few rounds.”

Thor chuckles at their petty fight. Banner scoffs, “Yeah, we’re a team.” Fury tries to get her to take Banner again, but he’s not going anywhere with anyone, let alone with her. “Where? You rented my room.” And that’s a good point, they are on a ship with no way to contain the Hulk, if the big guy decides to join in on this demoralizing, petty, pissing match.

Fury back pedals, something Nat’s not sure she’s ever seen the director do, “The cell was just in case –”

“In case you needed to kill me. But you can’t. I know, I tried.” Banner, who had seemed so close to the edge, doesn’t sound half as close to the edge as Stark and Rogers. A little small. An unassuming guy who wouldn’t be out of place teaching college kids physics. And that’s what Nat’s bothered about. She’s met a lot of men, and even a lot of spies who all thought they had a lid on their emotions. Not like Bruce Banner. “I got low. I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good.” The tone builds slowly in his voice, and this time she’s pretty sure he’s not trying to scare her, “Until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You want to know my secret Agent Romanoff? You want to know how I stay calm?” Banner’s hand wraps around the scepter and Nat reaches for her gun at the same time as Fury.

Rogers sounds like he’s standing over a bomb and trying to sound brave. “Dr. Banner, put down the scepter.”

Banner looks down at his hand at the same time that the monitors start beeping. He sets the scepter aside, “Sorry, kids. You don’t get to see my party trick today.” 

Stark, Rogers, and Thor start arguing before Bruce even has a moment to check where the thing is.

Banner checks the monitors, “Oh my God.” Nat diverts from her course of breaking up Stark and Rogers and heads to look at Bruce’s findings. But he doesn’t have a chance to say anything else before the ship is rocked by an explosion.

“Romanoff?”

Nat’s pinned but she’s fine. Fine enough. Not mortally wounded. Except that she can see Banner a few feet away. He doesn't look hurt – though after the bullet in the mouth story, she’s not sure he can get hurt – but he’s going over and she knows it. She can’t blame him for getting pissed that someone just tried to blow them up. She’s pissed. “We’re okay. We’re okay, right?” She wishes she didn’t sound scared, but the truth is, she’s terrified. She’s trapped.

All she has right now are words, so she starts talking. “Doctor… Bruce, you gotta fight it. This is just what Loki wants. We're gonna be okay. Listen to me.” Two soldiers appear, to check on her, or the ship, but she waves them back. She sees their eyes land on Banner and they run.

She focuses back on Bruce, “We’re gonna be okay. Right? I swear on my life I will get you out of this, you will walk away, and never –”

Banner shouts, “Your life?” He looks at her one last time, and she sees regret in his eyes. Apologies for what he must think will be her death, the death of everyone on the ship. “Bruce?” He stumbles a little as she finally gets wrenches herself free. Bruce is gone. The Other Guy is here. This is exactly what Loki wanted.

Natasha runs for her life. 

The Hulk roars behind her, filled with primal inhuman rage that is focused on killing her. 

She makes a mistake. She looks back. 

The wall hits her hard. She’s not knocked out, she’s not really any worse off than she had been before. But she doesn’t get up. For maybe the first time in her entire life, Natasha Romanoff freezes in terror.

The final blow doesn’t come. Thor shoots out of nowhere and sends The Hulk flying. She watches the God of Thunder be tossed like a ragdoll. Thor comes back with his hammer, destroying one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s planes. 

Nat shakes off her moment of weakness and pulls herself to her feet and runs. She’s no expert on whatever Banner’s become, but she can’t see how hitting him in the face with a magical hammer could possibly result in Dr. Banner coming back out to play. He’s going to tear the whole ship apart. 

Another barrage of gunshots rings out, but these are aiming for Bruce. That has to be Fury. They need to get the Hulk off the ship. Banner leaps out of the Helicarrier onto the attacking plane. Nat winces as it explodes and Banner drops with the wreckage. Once again, Natasha’s a liar.

She sinks down to assess her injuries. Her ankle’s probably sprained, and her knee hurts, but not as bad as her heart. The ship tilts sickeningly. Her hands are shaking. 

Fury’s voice is right in her ear but it feels like it’s a mile away. She may have a slight concussion. “It’s Barton. He took out our systems. He’s headed for the detention level. Does anybody copy?”

She swallows hard, “This is Agent Romanoff. I copy.” She tests her weight on her ankle, it holds. She moves. 

The fight with Clint is brutal. He’s not a Widow, but they’ve fought alongside each other for years now. He knows her moves. And he wants to kill her, something that – much to her shame – she cannot bring herself to do. She can’t remember the last time she had to resort to biting in a fight, but it works. 

She slams him down and for a moment he seems like he’s coming out of it. He sounds almost confused as he looks up at her, “Natasha?”

She punches him in the face and he keels over, out cold.

“Agent Coulson is down.”

Nat sits down hard as she pats herself down for a set of restraints. It doesn’t matter that she has nothing, agents are already swarming, picking up Clint, taking him to holding or medical, or wherever it is they take you when you lose your mind to a piece of alien technology.

They reconvene on the bridge. 

Nat watches from afar as Rogers picks up Coulson’s bloodied trading cards. Even Stark is quiet. Whatever happened to them in the last half hour, Stark and Rogers seem to be, if not friends, holders of mutual respect. Thor and Banner are gone. They’ve lost Loki. Nick’s giving them the Avengers pitch, with a healthy helping of guilt. Stark walks out, she hopes to the lab to recover or reverse engineer Bruce’s work.

Nat doesn’t have time to babysit them through whatever process of becoming this is going to end up being for them. As she melts back into the shadows she knows she’s gotta find Barton. 

Chapter Text

Clint is Clint again when he wakes up in the infirmary, with all the conscience and guilt and anger and listening ears. “Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?”

“You know that I do,” she says quietly, before explaining that she hit him in the head so hard he’s back and uncuffing him.

“...Now you want to wade into a war, why? What did Loki do to you?”

“He didn’t,” she says, because that’s easier than saying she cares about what Loki did to him . I just…”

“Natasha.”

“I’ve been compromised,” Nat reminds him, “I’ve got red in my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out.” And he understands, like he always has, but now he also knows.

Rogers appears in the doorway, back in his suit, “Time to go.”

She blinks at him, “Go where?”

“I’ll tell you on the way,” he says, “Can you fly one of those jets?”

Clint opens the bathroom door, still drying his hands, “I can.”

Rogers looks to her uncertainly. Nat nods. Rogers looks back at Clint, “You got a suit?”

Clint smiles, “Yeah.”

“Then suit up,” Rogers says, and then he’s gone.

Clint sets down his towel, “Was that… Captain America?”

“Oh, you triggered the Avengers Initiative,” Nat says with a grin, “Did I forget to tell you that part? We’re up to our ears in super-humans.”

Clint refills his quiver, “Are they all that super looking, or just him?”

“Shut up,” Nat says, “We gotta go.”

Clint grins, “You’re telling me you don’t want him to make you see stars and stripes?”

Nat’s too well trained to blush. She rolls her eyes, “You’re sick. I’m telling Laura you said that.”

“Good luck,” Clint promises, “She’ll just say something worse.”

“Let’s just go steal the jet,” she complains, “And you should probably call your wife on the way.”

Tony beats them to the city by a lot. By the time they’re in range, Earth’s already being invaded. New York is already on fire. 

She moves with Clint like second nature as they take out Chitauri. Loki takes out an engine. As the Quinjet wobbles to the ground, she’s almost glad. She’d prefer they stay out of the action, but she already knows Captain America’s useless on the jet. The world’s waited seventy years for a super soldier, and he’s about to deliver.

Rogers says, “We gotta get back up there.” But as they get their first look at ‘up there’, all three of them stop to watch something giant come through, carrying its own army. Stark’s still holding out for Banner making the party.

Nat crouches behind a car with Rogers and Clint as they try to make a plan to evacuate the area. Cap looks at her like he’s asking the world of her. She can’t bring herself to disappoint his earnest, anguished face. She nods, “We got this. It’s good. Go.”

Rogers hesitates, “You think you can hold ‘em off?” In Nat’s professional opinion, the amount of ground she and Clint can hold for any amount of time is very small and very short. 

But Clint’s got the look in his eyes. He’s going to die trying. And she’s going to be right there with him. He reaches for another arrow, “Captain, it would be my genuine pleasure.”

Rogers leaps into the fray, and Nat hits every target that comes into range, shooting with both hands at once. She shouts to Clint, “Just like Budapest all over again!”

Clint tells back, “You and I remember Budapest very differently.”

She grins, “Who’s to say?”

Cap and Thor come back to make a plan. And that’s when Bruce limps up on the world’s saddest motorcycle. “So. This all seems horrible.”

Nat shrugs, “I’ve seen worse.”

Banner looks ashamed, “Sorry.”

Nat smiles at him, “No. We could use a little worse.”

Cap reports back to Tony that Banner’s arrived. Tony promises to bring the party to them. ‘The party’ being an absolute army of Chitauri. “I – I don’t see how that’s a party.”

Banner starts in that direction. Cap suggests, “Dr. Banner. Now might be a really good time for you to get angry.”

Banner smirks back at them, like he’s about to tell a really good joke. “That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.”

And then The Hulk is flipping that thing. Nat ducks under Cap’s shield and his body curls around her, shielding her from the world exploding and raining down around them. Everyone braces for the next wave, and it’s definitely coming. Nat’s always been a solo operative, but this team feels oddly right, like they’re all meant to be here. You know, if Nat believed in that kind of thing. 

“Guys?”

Tony nods, “Call it, Captain.”

Steve lays out a battle plan, and sends everyone off to save New York. Nat looks over at Steve as Thor uses the Empire State building as a lightning rod and Hulk smashes a hole through Midtown, “Here goes nothing.” 

Tony and Clint are striking up conversation in her ear like they aren’t in a fight to the death. Nat nearly takes Cap’s head off. Maybe it’s the army of aliens she’s fighting, but for a moment he’s the most beautiful person she’s ever seen, even in the dorkiest mask in the world. She lets herself be exhausted for a moment, while he’s close enough to have her back. “Captain, none of this is gonna mean a damn thing if we don’t close that portal.” They will be overwhelmed, they will lose the perimeter, then the city, and then Earth is lost.

Cap stares up at it, “Our biggest guns couldn’t touch it.”

“Well maybe it’s not about guns,” she suggests, a half of a part of a plan already piecing itself together in her mind. 

He looks around, and somehow seems to understand what she’s suggesting, “If you wanna get up there, you’re gonna need a ride.”

“I gotta ride,” she says, and she throws down her weapon and starts making space for a running start, “I could use a boost though.”

Rogers backs up too, “Are you sure about this?” But he’s already bracing the shield.

“Yeah,” she lies, and it sounds like a lie, “It’s gonna be fun.” 

She jumps, he tosses, she catches her ride. 

Everywhere she looks, someone is in a fight. And when she turns around, they’re in a different fight with a different foe.

Nat’s got a target, but it finds her before she finds it. She needs a spotter or backup, or something. “Hawkeye!”

“Nat, what are you doing?”

She doesn’t really have a plan that she can articulate in two seconds so she doesn’t try, “Uh, a little help!”

“I got him,” he promises, and she knows he does. They’re blown in different directions, but she sees Bruce grab Loki.

Nat stands over Erik Selvig as he explains the emergency stop. She just can’t get to it fast enough, and everywhere she looks, they’re outgunned and outmanned. She starts climbing. The world is going to depend on whether or not Nat can pick up a big stick in time. 

Nat jabs the scepter into the barrier, “I can close it. Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down.”

Rogers yells, “Do it!”

“No, wait,” Tony sounds serious.

Cap shouts, “Stark, these things are still coming!”

“I’ve got a nuke coming in, it’s gonna blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it.”

Rogers shouts at Tony that it's a one way trip – and Nat figures if anyone knows a one-way trip, it’s Captain Steve Rogers. It’s all Nat can do to hold steady, in this in between, while they make a decision. Stark doesn’t seem deterred. She watches him steer the nuke through the portal. 

Chitauri start dropping. Stark doesn’t come down.

“Close it.” Steve’s voice is soft in her ear. She closes it.

“Son of a gun,” Rogers laughs to himself as Tony falls to the earth. Thor and Hulk run to catch him. She hopes that a part of Bruce is awake enough to know that the Hulk would throw himself from fifty stories up to save one arrogant billionaire. Nat waits anxiously until she hears Tony’s voice, “What the hell!”

“We won,” says Steve quietly.

“Alright, yay,” Tony says weakly, “Hooray, good job guys. Let’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here.” Natasha’s a little impressed Tony knows where he landed. “I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.”

“We’re not finished yet,” Thor says.

Tony’s not moving without confirmation that they’re getting food in the near future. “And then shawarma after.”

Nat meets them in the penthouse to subdue Loki, scepter in hand. 

And then, true to his word, Stark makes them go for shawarma. Nat feels like she’s been hit by a truck, barely able to stay awake long enough to chew. Clint has a foot on her chair to elevate his knee, and she can feel the others staring, questioning what they are to one another as she sits inside his leg. She smiles to herself about it. Let them wonder.

Thor and Bruce toss back shawarma like they haven’t eaten in years. Tony chews in an unprecedented silence.

Steve stares at his plate like the food might turn into a Chitauri warship. 

Nat forces herself to take another bite, “Hey, Cap. Eat up.”

He takes a cautious bite. “Hmm.”

That gets everyone’s attention. Stark smirks, “It’s not bad, huh, Cap?”

Steve shakes his head, “Food’s different now. But this – not bad.”

“Try the sauce,” suggests Bruce, stuffing his face with another bite. 

They all meet the next day to send Thor back to Asgard with Loki and the Tesseract in tow. 

Among the candlelight vigils for the lost lives, Nat sees the news littered with Avengers chatter. Being a spy is going to be a real bitch after this, even if she sees markedly less public outpouring for her or Clint. She doesn’t take much of anything personally, and she gets it. They’re the humans, no suit or symbol of power to put on t-shirts and tattoo on arms. That’s probably for the best. Natasha Romanoff is no role model. She wonders idly if anyone from the Widow program is still alive, if seeing her branded a the The Black Widow has angered them. But she knows that anyone who knew about that died a long time ago.

Stark and Banner ride off in one of Tony’s expensive cars to do what Nat can only imagine will be the science equivalent of war crimes. 

Nat sees Clint off to the airport and heads to DC to meet back up with Fury for her next mission. Clint offers her a place to crash, like he always does, but she declines. Steve, she thinks, heads back to Brooklyn, and she’s grateful he’s still got a Brooklyn to go back to. He doesn’t say much before he gets on his bike, “See you around. Ma’am.”

She grins, “Don’t be a stranger, Soldier.”

Stark is surprisingly the only one to stay in touch. Or at least, Pepper stays in touch on his behalf. He sends building schematics for renovations on his tower. A place for them to live, train, and be deployed from. 

In the meantime, Nat goes back to the small slice of life she knows – rotating between four different apartments in and around DC, when she’s not on missions somewhere specific.

Chapter Text

Six months after New York, they’re paired up on a mission for the first time. Natasha’s just spent two weeks in Ukraine, and she’s exhausted. She’s not expecting to arrive for a debrief and be brought face to face with six feet of super soldier in blue. “Cap.”

“Agent Romanoff, it’s good to see you again.” He shakes her hand more readily this time. “How’ve you been?”

“Undercover,” she says, “Where are we going?”

She finds out that Steve’s also living in DC for the time being. He doesn’t share much, which suits her just fine. Most people here don’t know much about her, aside from her reputation, and even then, most of her service record is classified. 

Four missions later, she starts to think that this might be her new gig at S.H.I.E.L.D.. She likes working with Rogers, he’s dependable, a good leader. At first, they’re just colleagues. He calls her Agent Romanoff, she calls him Captain, they don’t associate outside of their work. She fails to convince him to ditch the stupid mask.

A year and a half later, she’s cautiously optimistic they might be friends. They’ve grabbed dinner or drinks after work a few dozen times, been pinned down together a few dozen more. He’s started to make casual conversation on their missions. She likes the guy, he’s funny, far more humble than most people would expect, and a lot nicer than a lot of agents she’s worked with. Sometimes too nice. 

She’s not someone to speak more than she should, but he makes it difficult. He prefers to talk about his life before the war, and naturally that would push her to talk about her life before. Only, Natasha has no before. She has S.H.I.E.L.D., she has KGB, she has the Red Room. As far back as she can remember. So she deflects. Something that works fine on marks, on colleagues, works less well on friends. 

Rogers doesn’t push too hard. She knows he doesn’t really trust her, deep down. He’s smart to keep his distance. She does her best to integrate him into the modern day, he starts keeping a little notebook of things to watch or listen to or look up, and she adds to the list, or sometimes helps him cross things off. He only knows where one of her apartments is, but they meet up to watch movies.

She texts him, one eye still on the road: Mission Alert. Extraction Imminent. Meet at the curb. :) 

She pulls up, sees Steve talking to someone she’s never met. She rolls down the window, “Hey fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil.”

Steve rolls his eyes at her, “That's hilarious.”

Steve gets in the car and Nat watches his new friend give her and the car a once-over. She nods to him and the man grins, “How you doin’?”

“Hey,” she says.

Steve shrugs, “Can’t run everywhere.”

“No,” his friend agrees, “You can’t.”

Nat hits the gas and pulls away from the curb. “Sorry to interrupt a budding bromance. He’s cute. Hey, is that why you won’t go out with any of the girls I’ve suggested?”

“I’m not gay, Romanoff.”

Nat shrugs, “I’m just saying, it’s okay if you are. People, generally, are way more chill than they used to be.”

Steve laughs, “Nat! Have you considered the possibility you suck at matchmaking?”

She laughs too. She’s not sure why she feels compelled to partner Steve Rogers off – it’s not like Black Widow is a beacon of happy healthy relationships – but there’s something about a good man who missed his shot at a great love that seems unbearably sad. And if she has her way, an entirely fixable situation should always be fixed.

She hates when Fury asks her to hold back from Steve. But the Avengers are more or less gone. It’s been two years since New York and Loki, and she has to assume that S.H.I.E.L.D. is the priority. The world might never need the full team again. And even if it did need them, she’s not sure everyone would come. 

Rumlow gives the rundown of the Lemurian Star pirate situation. Nat had a private briefing before she picked up Cap. He’s frustrated by the mission, “So it’s not off-course, it’s trespassing.”

“I’m sure they have a good reason,” she says. She has no idea what they’re doing in this stretch of water.

Steve scoffs, “You know, I’m getting a little tired of being Fury’s janitor.”

“Relax,” she says, “It’s not that complicated.” Truthfully, she’s also getting a little sick of these clean up missions. STRIKE team takes orders from Captain America, and maybe even from her, but she’s under no illusion that they trust them. Their loyalty lies with Rumlow.

Steve dishes out tasks. She’s killing engines and securing hostages. After she secures intel. 

“Secure channel seven.”

“Seven secure,” she confirms, “Did you do anything fun Saturday night?”

“Well all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead,” Steve says with a straight face, “So no, not really.”

She hides her smile as she readies her weapons. The pilot announces they’re approaching the drop zone. 

“You know,” she says casually, “If you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she’d probably say yes.” Nearly every person Nat knows wants to take a bite out of at least one of the Avengers. She has a near endless list of suggestions for him. 

The doors open and Steve has to raise his voice, “That’s why I don’t ask!”

She challenges, “Too shy or too scared?”

“Too busy!” And he falls backwards out of the jet. Cocky bastard.

Agent Stanson asks, “Was he wearing a parachute?”

Rumlow chuckles, “No. No, he wasn’t.”

Nat reaches for a parachute. She’s not a super soldier. She’d like to make it on the boat. 

She lands next to him and she’s walking before her chute is even fully disengaged, “What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice” Nat’s in dangerous territory with this suggestion, but Steve’s bound to find out sooner or later, and maybe the connection to his past will help with that spark. 

Cap sounds annoyed with her in a way she’s only used to hearing from Clint. Familiarity isn’t something most people have with Nat, he’s starting to. “Secure the engine room, then find me a date.”

“I’m multitasking,” she says, already jumping down to a lower deck.

She takes out a few pirates on the way, but mostly leaves them for the STRIKE Team on her way to the Engine. Steve’s voice is low and urgent in her ear as she engages and knocks out more of the pirates, “Natasha, what’s your status? Status, Natasha?”

“Hang on,” she snaps, subduing her opponent and getting back to her feet, “Engine room secure.”

She’s technically premature on that call, as one of them tries to get back up and she smashes him in the head with a piece of pipe. He’s expecting her to head for the hostages next, but she needs a few more minutes. 

“Romanoff missed the rendezvous point, Cap. Hostiles are still in play.”

Shit. She jams the USB drive into the computer. 

“Natasha?” Cap sounds out of breath, at least Batroc tried with this plan, he brought the resources to try to pull it off. “Batroc’s on the move. Circle back to Rumlow and protect the hostages.”

She doesn’t answer, because she can’t circle back yet. “Natasha!” He’s going to be worried. Or pissed. Or both. She’s not sure which is going to be worse. 

The door crumples, and from it, Batroc and Steve come tumbling in. But Steve’s got it so clearly handled, Nat barely looks up from her screen. “Well, this is awkward.”

“What are you doing?”

“Backing up the hard drive, it’s a good habit to get into.” Stark would get that quip, she’s not one hundred percent certain Steve understands what a hard drive is. 

He comes over to see for himself, and it’s not like he’s stupid. “You’re saving S.H.I.E.L.D. intel.”

Her instructions were not to tell Steve. But she didn’t tell him, he caught her. She nods, “Whatever I can get my hands on.”

“Our mission is to rescue hostages,” and the accusatory tone in his voice is worse than she could have imagined. 

She can’t let him know she feels anything. And who is he to judge? Surely Fury, with all the world’s premiere intelligence at his fingers, is better equipped to decide how to deploy her than Steve, who until an hour ago didn’t even know this boat belonged to S.H.I.E.L.D. at all? “No. That’s your mission.” The transfer completes and she pulls out the flashdrive. “And you’ve done it beautifully.” Really, she wishes she’d had more time to watch him work.

As she moves to leave, he grabs her arm. His hand can almost wrap around her arm, “You just jeopardized this whole operation.”

“I think that's overstating things.” she says calmly. In a few minutes they and the hostages will be off this ship with no money paid out to terrorists, no hostages lost, and all S.H.I.E.L.D.'s intel intact. 

She hears something by the door. Batroc’s conscious. And Steve, in his hurry to find out what she was doing, hasn’t bothered to properly disarm him. And he’s on her ass about jeopardizing the mission? 

Everything moves fast. A grenade sails through the air and bounces off Steve’s shield. 

They’ve surprisingly never had to use this exact maneuver before, but there’s no time like the present. She throws an arm over his shoulder, his arm locks around her waist, and he lifts her and jumps. She shoots out the glass as they careen towards it. 

He lands under her as the explosion sends heat and glass and shrapnel flying after them and they both scramble to take cover under the window they just fell through. Her ears are ringing as he arches up to check for pursuit. “Okay,” she admits, “That one’s on me.”

“You’re damn right,” and he actually sounds mad as he gets up. And she knows he’s really mad when he doesn’t offer to help her up or check if she’s injured. Even if she were injured, she probably wouldn’t take the help, but Captain America always looks after the team.

“Fucking fuck,” she curses as she helps herself to her feet.

Her next mission is even less pleasant and it starts before she’s even allowed to go home. She’s sent to monitor Steve Rogers. It’s not the first time, usually her report goes verbally directly to Nick, or Maria, off the books. The problem with superheroes – they’re so powerful you don’t have much choice but to avoid pissing them off and keep them on your side. And today Steve’s pissed.

He dons a baseball cap and civvies and goes to his own exhibit at the Smithsonian. She wonders if her joke earlier put the idea in his head, or if this is something he does to think. It’s not the first time he’s been here. He hangs in the shadows, and she hangs even further back as he winks at a little boy in a Captain America t-shirt.

She watches him grieve his dead friend. Then he watches the recorded footage of Peggy Carter explaining some of his battle heroics. His barbershop quartet quip isn’t so funny with images of all his dead friends staring down at her. Nat’s tried not to have attachments, and for the most part, her life has made it easy to be lonely. The few exceptions have been ripped away, leaving deep scars. Steve’s not like that. He had friends, he had love, and the ones who didn’t die on the battlefield, they died while he was in the ice, or worse, moved on without him.

Nat doesn’t go in when he goes from the museum to the care facility that Margaret Carter is living out her last years in. She can afford her friend that much privacy, Peggy Carter is a cornerstone of S.H.I.E.L.D., and in no danger of turning Steve against the organization.

Steve’s next stop is new. The VA. He’s technically entitled to care there. In two years she’s never seen him try to use a benefit, one of the perks of being super. The reason for the visit becomes clear. Steve’s friend from yesterday is running some sort of PTSD group therapy session. Nat’s actual nightmare.

She stays where no one can see her as the meeting ends and the two talk, but she again gives them enough space that she can’t get their whole conversation. It’s easier to lie when you don’t have the whole truth. Nat’s not sure what she’s going to tell Nick about this development. This is more than Steve’s usual qualms. This is getting into a support network of retirement. And she’ll miss him, but Nat already knows if they ask, she’s going to go to bat for letting Steve go. 

The Avengers: a good thing for a little while. Now just one spy who’s done more harm than she can ever do good to the world. 

As Steve steers his stupid motorcycle towards his apartment, Nat lets him out of sight. Sharon’s got a heads up to get a read on their guy, Nat’s sure. She heads home. She needs a long soak in a hot bath to soothe her bruises and a bottle of white wine. 

Nat’s barely in her front door when the call comes from Maria. “Nick’s in critical condition, they’re taking him to Walter Reed.” That’s all Nat gets before the call cuts.

She’s there in six minutes. Everyone lets her through until she’s a single pane of glass from the operating room. Cap’s there, watching. It’s not his style to sit back, but there’s nothing they can do here. 

“Is he gonna make it?”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. 

She can’t take her eyes off of Fury, “Tell me about the shooter.”

“He's fast and strong. Had a metal arm.” Nat feels sick. She knows where this story is going. Of course, who else would be able to take out Nick Fury? The door opens, but it’s just Maria.

Nat goes back to watching the doctors operate, “Ballistics?”

“Three slugs,” Maria reports. “No rifling. Completely untraceable.”

Funny, how hearing your worst fears confirmed never got any less awful. “Soviet-made.”

“Yeah,” Maria says, and Nat tries to remember if Maria had seen this file.

An alarm starts, and everyone on the other side of the glass starts moving even faster. And then Nick flatlines. “Don’t do this to me, Nick,” Nat says, like he’ll hear her and listen. The doctor defibrillates, no pulse. She feels like she might vomit, something she hasn’t done out of an emotional response in years, “Don’t do this to me, Nick. Don’t do this to me.”

The doctors all stop. The room goes still. Nat feels Steve pull back from the glass. She wonders if he feels sick to his stomach, or just her. The space he leaves behind is cold. Maria steps back also.

“Bathroom,” Steve mutters, pushing out of the room. Nat pulls herself away from the window, watches the tension in his shoulders. 

Maria listens in her earpiece, “They’re going to move him in a minute. You can see him then. If you want. They need me to debrief, I’ll be back” Nat looks over and sees Maria’s crying, she looks away. Nat watches as they disconnect Nick from their machines.

Steve is waiting for her in the hall and he follows her into the room. He hangs back so she can have a private moment. Just there, if she needs him. She stares down at the face of the man who took a gamble on her.

“I need to take him.” Maria’s back.

Steve pushes off the wall, and Nat can feel him hovering, “Natasha.”

Nat reaches down, touches Nick’s forehead. I’m going to find him this time. She reels back before Cap can touch her. If he touches her, she’s going to fall apart, and she can’t do that right now.

“Natasha!”

She wheels around, “Why was Fury in your apartment?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says with a shrug.

Rumlow calls for him, “Cap. They want you back at S.H.I.E.L.D..”

“Yeah, give me a second,” Steve tries to brush Rumlow off.

“They want you now.”

“Okay,” Steve snaps, clearly annoyed. Nat frowns. Steve knows something. Or wants to ask something. 

“You’re a terrible liar,” she tells him before she walks away. She’s got questions to ask and he’s clearly not going to be the one to give her any answers.

It takes Nat an impressive thirty four minutes before she locates the drive, and three to get it out of the vending machine without anyone else seeing. Seven minutes later she gets an alert that Cap’s gone rogue and it’s all hands on deck. She removes herself from the grid and makes a single call on the obsolescent hospital payphones to let Barton know that Fury’s down and not to talk to anyone or come in until she knows who they can trust. She’s lost a lot today, she’s not losing Rogers or Barton on her watch. Whatever happened, whatever Steve was hiding from S.H.I.E.L.D., she could at least hear him out before she turned him in.

He doesn’t show for a few hours, like her he stopped somewhere to find a hoodie. She pops her gum in his ear and he grabs her and man-handles her into the nearest empty room, “Where is it?”

“Safe,” she says. 

Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t totally off base. Mr. Army Man seems a mite unstable, actually, “Do better!”

“Where’d you get it?”

Steve isn’t playing nice, “Why would I tell you?”

“Fury gave it to you,” she answers her own question, since he won’t, “Why?”

He shakes his head, “What’s on it?”

“I don’t know,” she says.

“Stop lying!” 

A lot of people would flinch, to have someone as big and strong as Steve Rogers up and angry in their face like this. Natasha can’t afford a flinch. “I only act like I know everything.” And that makes her wonder a bit, if he thinks she knows everything and chooses not to tell him. No wonder she doesn’t have his trust after all this time.

For the first time he checks the room, “I bet you knew Fury hired the pirates, didn’t you?”

This is one of those rare times where honesty really is the best policy. “Well, it makes sense. The ship was dirty, Fury needed a way in. So do you –”

That makes him more mad, and sue her, she flinches. “I’m not gonna ask you again!”

“I know who killed Fury,” she says, he lets her go but doesn’t pull away. Not her first time delivering a brief pushed up against a wall. She tells him the story of the Winter Soldier, rucks up her shirt to show off the scar left behind. “Bye-bye bikinis.”

Steve only stares for a second. And in that sarcastic flat way of his he deadpans, “Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now.”

For a moment, they stare, not quite smiling at one another. And Nat decides their friendship is going to outlast whatever horrific mess is brewing at S.H.I.E.L.D. that’s left Nick dead and Captain America a fugitive. She’s going rogue. Again.

“Going after him is a dead end. I know, I've tried.” She holds up the flash drive between them, “Like you said, he’s a ghost story.” 

Steve takes the drive back, “Well, let's find out what the ghost wants.”

They take her car to the mall, and she wishes it weren’t true, but she knows they’re not driving it out of there. Steve is quiet on the way over and she lets him be. They’re both grieving and coming to terms with things. She hands him an outfit, grabs one for herself, and pays cash. Once they’re in full civilian attire, she directs him towards an Apple Store. “First rule of going on the run is don’t run. Walk.”

Steve’s first complaint is about footwear, “If I run in these shoes, they’re gonna fall off.”

“If that happens, keep going,” Nat advises, “In here.” She pulls him in front of one of the computers. “The drive has a Level Six homing program, so as soon as we boot up, S.H.I.E.L.D. will know exactly where we are.”

She can feel him scanning every face in the store, “How much time do we have?”

“Uh...about nine minutes from... Now.” She pops the flash drive into the computer.  It takes Nat less than a minute to realize this is worse than she’d thought. “Fury was right about that ship, somebody's trying to hide something. This drive is protected by some sort of AI, it keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands.”

Steve asks urgently, “Can you override it?”

And even Natasha Romanoff knows when to admit she’s falling short, “The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me.” She feels the smart remark coming and heads it off, “Slightly. I'm gonna try running a tracer. This is a program that S.H.I.E.L.D. developed to track hostile malware, so if we can't read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from.”

An employee comes over to check on them, “Can I help you guys with anything?”

The lie jumps to Natasha’s lips like breathing, “Oh, no. My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations.”

To his credit, Steve doesn’t do the worst job rolling with it, “Right! We're getting married.”

Unfortunately the Apple employee is super chatty and Nat does not have the time to look away from the screen. She needs Steve to handle this. “Congratulations. Where are you guys thinking about going?”

Steve looks over her shoulder, “New Jersey.” Nat wants to kick him for saying where they’re probably going to have to go next, but she also knows Steve’s a pretty bad liar and she can’t manage him right this second.

“Oh.” Nat tenses, she can feel the guy staring at Steve for too long. They’re about to be made for sure, though by now S.H.I.E.L.D. surely knows exactly where they, or at least Steve and the drive, are. “I have the exact same glasses.”

Nat doesn’t look up, and she tries not to sound relieved, “Wow, you two are practically twins.”

The guy is still admiring Steve, and she can’t blame him, “Yeah, I wish. Specimen. Uh...if you guys need anything, I've been Aaron.” 

“Thank you,” Steve says as Aaron walks away. He leans back over her shoulder, “You said nine minutes, come on.”

“Sh, relax,” she says, though she knows they’re out of time and should be moving already. “Got it.” Wheaton, New Jersey. She expects Steve to look relieved, or proud, or something, but he looks like she just slapped him in the face, “What, you know it?”

“I used to,” he says, “Let’s go.” He yanks the drive from the computer and they walk out. She knows they’re going a little too fast, but they don’t have a choice. She keeps her head down, they don’t know for sure she’s with Steve, if things get crazy, she can claim she was trying to bring him in.

She knows she’s not going to do that. For better or for worse, she trusts Steve. She’s thrown in with Steve. Who’s also acutely aware of the situation, “Standard tac-team. Two behind, two across, two coming straight at us. If they make us, I'll engage, you hit the south escalator to the metro.”

That’s way too combative. He needs her, her skills, to get them out of this. “Shut up and put your arm around me, laugh at something I said.”

He balks a little, “What?”

“Do it!” He does and an agent walks right by them. Supersoldiers on the run don’t look cute laughing. 

They get on an escalator down towards the first level. They need a car and a way out of here. Nat spots Rumlow on his way up. They’re about to pass two feet from each other. She turns her back on him, “Kiss me.”

Steve startles, “What?”

“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.”

“Yes, they do,” agrees Steve in a way that makes it clear that he is people. She’ll apologize about invading his space and his consent later, when they’re alive and on the road. She pulls his face down and covers his cheek with her hand. She watches from the corner of her eye until Rumlow is past them. 

She turns her back on Steve, giving him a little space to process, “You still uncomfortable?”

She steps down the escalator and he follows, “It’s not exactly the word I’d use.” She smiles to herself and pretends not to notice him staring at her ass. 

Chapter Text

Steve’s the one who steals the truck. Nat props her feet on the dash and watches as he weaves through traffic discarding his baseball hat on the seat between them, “Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?”

“Nazi Germany,” he says, and then like the old man he is at heart, he barks, “And we’re borrowing. Take your feet off the dash.” 

She indulges him, he’s cute when he acts like he’s the boss. “Alright, I have a question for you – oh, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?”

He sounds like he thinks he might regret indulging her, “What?”

“Was that your first kiss since 1945?”

His eyes are on the road, “That bad, huh?” 

“I didn't say that.” She wouldn’t say that, not until he had a chance to mean it. One thing that all the accounts of the Steve and Peggy story agreed on, Steve wasn’t a man to make a move unless he really meant it. 

He says, “Well, it kind of sounds like that's what you're saying.”

“No, I didn't. I just wondered how much practice you've had.”

“You don't need practice,” he says, in a way that makes her think he really believes he might be a bad kisser.

“Everybody needs practice.” They taught that in the Red Room too. 

“It was not my first kiss since 1945. I'm ninety-five, I'm not dead.” And she wants to ask a million questions.

She settles for one, “Nobody special, though?”

He laughs, though it sounds a little sad, “Believe it or not, it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.”

“Well, that's alright, you just make something up.”

She doesn’t realize how not-normal that is, until he says back to her, “What, like you?”

“I don't know,” she admits, “The truth is a matter of circumstances, it's not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.” 

He takes his eyes off the road, “That's a tough way to live.”

It is. She smiles sadly back at him, "It's a good way not to die, though.” It’s part of the reason they’re still alive right now.

He looks back at the road just long enough to keep them on it, “You know, it's kind of hard to trust someone when you don't know who that someone really is.”

“Yeah,” she agrees she looks back at him, “Who do you want me to be?” 

He suggests earnestly, “How about a friend?”

She laughs, how can this be the man S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks is a threat? If this man weren’t literally built to be a weapon, he’d probably teach grade school or write poetry or something equally harmless and soft, “Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers.”

“Maybe,” he allows. 

They drive in silence for a little while. Nat finally breaks it, “Are you going to tell me what’s in Wheaton?”

“You’ll see when we get there,” he promises.

“You’re no fun,” she complains.

He smiles, and she feels oddly proud of herself, even if making men feel better is one of her special skills. 

“Hey, Nat?”

She lolls her head in his direction, “Yeah, Cap?”

“When you tried to set me up with Sharon…?”

“Oh yeah,” Nat smiles, “I knew. Agent 13. Sorry. She really is great, I promise. Though –”

Steve raises an eyebrow at her, “What?”

“She’s Margaret Carter’s niece.” Nat admits, “But don’t let that make it weird–”

“Why would that be weird?” Steve asks sarcastically, “I was only in love with her aunt. I still am, maybe? Or, I would be?”

Nat’s not sure she understands love enough to be of help here. Lust, sure? Desire, attraction, whatever you called it. She knows it's out there, or at least, that people around here have people they feel that they love. What she says is, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

He sounds more curious than upset, “What were you trying to do?”

“It’s been two and a half years since you got off ice,” she says. He nods that he knows that, because of course he does. “And I know you gave up your life when you put that plane down. But you’re alive. And a lot of people lived because of that, because of you. The way I see it, you shouldn’t miss out on living just because the world went on. If anything, you deserve more, not less.”

She wants to punch him in the face when he says, “And you think I’m gonna find that with Kristen in Statistics?”

“Well fuck me for trying,” she pouts. That earns her a stern look for swearing. “What about that girl from accounting, Laura…?”

“Lillian,” he grins, “Lip piercing, right?”

“Yeah,” Nat says, “She’s cute.”

“Yeah, I’m not ready for that,” he says, and in Nat’s professional opinion more men should know their limits.

“But you have kissed someone else since you got back?”

And she’s made Captain America blush. “Sure.”

“Steve.”

“Fine,” he says, “After New York… some people were grateful. Gah, look, I know things have changed, or at least people are more open about it than they were back in my day –” she loves when he says that, especially to older people, “–Bucky certainly stepped out with a few gals. But for me… I was always waiting for the right dance partner. And when she came along, I missed my shot. Just didn’t feel right with anyone else. And I’m glad Peg met Daniel and they had a big full life together… but I don’t know if there’s another person out there for me.”

Nat nods, “Well, that was probably the least relatable string of sentences anyone’s ever said to me, but I understand. Not everyone’s built to have that kind of thing.”

“All people do is fall in love with you,” Steve says.

“You’re the one who said it's hard to trust someone when you don’t know who they really are,” she says softly, “Not too many people have earned my trust.”

“Try to get some sleep,” Steve suggests, “I’ll wake you when we get there, but I think we should lay low until dark anyways.”

“Fine by me,” Nat agrees. She bunches up the jacket he’d worn at the mall and uses it as a pillow.

“Hey, Nat.” She opens her eyes and scans the area. There’s a fence up ahead and Steve stops well back of it, “This is it. There’s cameras.”

She checks the prepaid burner phone she’d acquired after they escaped the mall, “Yeah. File came from these coordinates.” 

The sign is innocuous, standard military. Camp Lehigh.

“So did I,” Steve says softly, “This camp is where I was trained. Where Dr. Erskine picked me out to win the war.”

“We should find somewhere to be until dark,” Natasha suggests, and not because the idea of Captain America being formed asa concept by scientists without knowing that Steve Rogers existed gives her an odd sense of horror.

There’s a campground nearby, unattended because it’s the off season. Steve breaks the lock on the gate and drives them in.

With nothing but trees around them, Nat’s not sure if she should be more or less relaxed about being tracked down. 

Steve finds some blankets and lays them out in the bed of the truck. They smell sweet and dusty, like hay as they stretch out next to one another and stare up at the sky. It’s easier to talk to each other, laying opposite ways so that his feet rest near her head and vice versa.

He tells her about Nick, finally, and about the elevator brawl with Rumlow and the STRIKE team. She doesn’t have answers for him about what could have caused S.H.I.E.L.D. to come down on Fury and Steve on the same day. She won’t have that answer until she sees where the file came from. 

“How old are you?”

Nat sits up a little at the unexpected question, “Twenty nine. You know, assuming that I was born when I was told I was. How old are you?”

“Ninety five,” Steve says, just like he had in the car. He looks down his body at her, “I guess twenty nine? I was twenty six when I went in the ice, and I felt twenty six when I came out.”

Nat sits up a bit, “What if we find something bad and we die in there?” A lot of people seem to want this drive, and in Nat’s experience, that usually meant hiding something big and bad.

“You trusted Fury, right?”

Nat nods. “There you go,” Steve says, like that explains everything. “He knew we’d find the drive and he knew we’d follow its contents. Maybe it is bad. Maybe we will die. Maybe we won’t.”

“Sometimes Fury asked me to follow you,” Nat admits, “After missions. In case you were thinking of going rogue. And I think it’s nice. That you still visit Margaret Carter.”

She’s expecting anger, but he just sits up as well, “No one who knows her calls her Margaret.”

Nat draws her knees up to her chest and stares down at him, “Yeah, well, I never really met her. Before my time with S.H.I.E.L.D.. But her name is everywhere. And so is yours, even before you came out of the ice. She kept your legacy alive.”

Steve smiles up at her softly, “Why does that make you look so sad, Romanoff?”

“Just trying to imagine having a legacy that matters,” Nat says, “That means something good. Part of being a spy means being invisible. Part of being a Widow means that when you are visible, you’re lethal. You’re dangerous. I just… I don't think I could ever  be loved enough for something like that.”

“That’s a shame,” Steve says, sitting up, “Because from where I’m sitting, that doesn’t sound like you at all.”

Rogers leans forward before she can ask what he means by that and his hand slides against her face. She holds her breath until his lips touch hers, like she might startle him and he might remember where they are and who they are. 

She was right to give him the benefit of the doubt. This time he kisses her like he means it. Like she matters to him. He kisses like he’s been starving for her. He kisses like a man who can hold his breath for three full minutes. 

She pulls away slowly when her own lungs can’t take it anymore, “You were right. You don’t need a single second of practice.” She wraps her arms back around her own knees as he lays back again. “Thank you,” she says softly. 

Just when she starts to think he might’ve let himself fall asleep, his voice floats up to her, “Nat?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re still bein’ my friend, right?”

She blinks at him, “Yeah. We’re friends.”

“I know I sounded real cavalier earlier about us not dying,” Rogers says, “But truth is, I don’t know what’s in that base. So could you do me a favor?”

She lays her chin on top of her knees, “I’m here risking my life, without so much as a spare pair of underwear or a toothbrush. But sure, what can I do for you, pal?”

He rubs the back of his hand over his eye, “I was telling the truth about kissing –”

“I believe you,” she promises.

“I did some other things ,” he says, “You know, with the bond gals.”

“The bond gals,” Nat repeats back to him, “You mean the ‘star spangled man with a plan’ girls?”

He looks equal parts proud and embarrassed, “Hey, are you laughing at me? The old me was 5’4”,  98 pounds, and asthmatic. It was the first time any girl ever looked at me like that .”

“Just ask me for your favour,” Nat prompts, curious to know what other things the bonds girls taught Steve, and also why he was telling her about it. 

He sits back up and leans forward, not enough to kiss her, but enough that when either of them breathes out, the other breathes the same too-thin air in. “Just to make sure I don’t die a virgin again , I want you to fuck me, Agent Romanoff.”

She sits back, “I can’t.”

He looks a little hurt, “What?”

“You were just saying that sex means something to you,” Nat said, “Something intimate. And me… I’m a weapon, Cap. I treat sex and physical intimacy as a manipulation tactic. You don’t want your first time to be with me.”

His lip twitches like he’s trying not to laugh at her, “It’s my understanding that a little experience in this area is a good thing, ma’am . And what I said was that the person that mattered. As my friend, can you accept the concept of me caring about you? If we don’t die tonight, I’ll never bring it up again, alright?”

Nat seriously considers the proposal for a moment, “What else did you learn from those girls?”

Steve surges forward to kiss her breathless again. She gasps against his mouth as he slots a finger over the scar she’d shown him earlier.

She pushes his hoodie off and tugs his shirts over his head. He keeps kissing her aside from a brief pause when the fabric covered his face, so she shrugs out of her own jacket. 

He pulls back to look when her shirt and tank top comes off. “Just like I thought,” he murmurs, “The bullet wound really ruins the whole look.”

Her laugh is cut short by his lips crashing against hers. He does seem a bit more together now though, because he adeptly removes her bra, and undoes her pants.

As she breaks off the kiss to help him peel the jeans down her legs, she grins, “You know, for a ninety five year old virgin, you don’t seem too shy.”

“I never had sex,” Steve mutters, “Didn’t say I never saw a naked woman before. I lived on the road with those girls for months.”

“Well this time you get to see and touch all the attractions,” Nat promises, guiding one hand to her hip and the other to her breast. She undid his belt and he braced himself as she shimmied his pants off his hips before straddling them. He pushes gently at her shoulder, “Nat– Nat–”

She stops kissing him to catch her breath, “Yeah?”

“I know I said I wanted you to fuck me,” he said, sounding equally breathless for once, “But I wanna do this right. Let me do this right, please?”

She nods slowly as he dips his head, kissing the side of her neck. The hand on her hip draws her in, so they’re kneeling pressed against one another’s chests. For the first time, she looks at Steve, naked except for his socks. He looks like a statue. Every inch of him well muscled and well proportioned like a human body made to be perfect. Because it was. She slides her hand down his side to grip his ass and pull him against her. He moans against her collar bone and bends more to kiss and suck and lick a trail over the center of her breasts.

She lets him lift and ease her back on the rough blanket as he kisses down her stomach. He sits up, kneeling between her legs, hair a little tousled, “You’re sure this is okay? I didn’t guilt you into it?”

Nat reaches for his hand, “You should really know by now, I’m comfortable with everything, Steve.”

Steve hesitates at that, “Were you listening?”

She shakes her head, “No, he told me afterwards what he said. Sorry, I didn’t mean to kill the mood.” And yeah, talking about her dead friend, their dead boss, is killing the mood a bit.

Steve reclines against the side of the truck bed, looking perfectly comfortable naked. He lies for her sake, and it’s cute that he tries to spare her feelings. “You didn’t. Think I just need a minute to breathe. Tell me something?”

“What do you want to know?”

He smiles, “Am I the last one you’ve done this with?” 

“No,” she says honestly, “Tony once. Kinda. Don’t ask. Clint. More than once. A long time ago.”

She leans back in to kiss him, but he pulls back unexpectedly, leaving her hanging. “Bruce?”

She blinks, still half expecting a kiss. “What? Why would I –?” She searches his face, “Steve, what are you accusing me of?”

“Nothing,” he says, but that never really means nothing, “I was just curious.”

“Banner’s a good man,” Nat says, “When he is a man. And we’ve established I don’t belong anywhere near a good man.” That makes him blush, and he rewards her pseudo-honesty with another blistering kiss, and this time when he lays her back, he dives right in.

Natasha’s had a lot of partners in her time, with varying levels of experience. And while Steve might be missing a few practical skills, he clearly had gotten this far before. His mouth moves with his fingers, opening, sucking, tasting. She lays back for a while to enjoy it, and yeah, she flexes her thighs and holds him where she wants him until he taps gently to be let up for air – well over three minutes by her count.

Her first orgasm washes over her pleasantly. She sits up after a minute. “That’s enough, Soldier.” He stops, and she lets herself picture him a hundred different ways. But, she figures Steve’s an old fashioned guy. He’s been a virgin for 95 years. Or at least the 29 he’s been breathing. They should probably keep things simple.

She draws him closer, wrapping her legs around his hips, her heel digging into his perfect ass. He sighs against her mouth, “You’re a good friend.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” she promises. She kicks him forward, and his cock bumps against her hip. He groans.

She reaches down, strokes him, lets him breathe through it, before guiding him inside. 

He blows a load after three thrusts as she strokes his hair gently. He’s sweet, apologizing, offering to eat her out again. And maybe she’s gotten a little of that ‘last night on earth’ energy under her skin, because instead of calling it good, duty done, she flips him on his back and she rides him until he’s hard again inside her.

He sits up, holding her on him in his lap, kisses her with a surprisingly firm tenderness. She clenches over him as he reaches for her clit, letting out an unintended gasp. That one little gap in her composure seems to spur him on more than anything else. His hand leaves her back and grips in her hair. “I’m sorry. I’m not gonna –”

“It’s okay,” she whispers, “I’ve got you. Let go, Steve. It’s okay. Just let go for me.”

He cries out as he cums inside her. She puts her hand over his, presses his fingers more firmly against her. She presses her face into the base of his neck, just where it meets his shoulder, biting back a moan as she finally orgasms. 

She lets herself breathe for five breaths, sitting in one another's arms. Then she shifts her weight forward into her feet and she stands. She pulls on her bra and shirt and folds her underwear and jeans over her arm before she jumps out of the truck. 

“Where are you going?”

Nat turns back, sees a sight she wishes another human being was around to witness. Captain America sitting buck-ass naked in the bed of a stolen truck, chest rising and falling a little erratically, watching her. She grins, “I need a minute to be a lady, Cap. Try not to get killed or captured for two minutes?”

Nat finds a secluded spot to pee and she does her best to wipe away the evidence of their sexual encounter. She uses her discarded underwear as a cloth and decides to go commando. Idly, she wonders what Captain America’s super-sperm is worth. A lot, she’s guessing. She slips her underwear into her back pocket and wishes she had one of her suits instead. She has the nagging feeling they’re in for a fight.

When she gets back, Steve’s managed to put on clothes and flip over the blankets. He’s caught his breath, and for a moment, she wonders if she just imagined the last fifteen minutes. Then he says, “We didn’t use a rubber, I –”

“Don’t worry,” she says, “I get tested frequently, and I’m pretty sure one of the perks of you is you’re probably immune to most STDs.”

He frowns, “I – you know – inside you.”

“If you can’t say it you probably shouldn’t be doing it,” she admonishes with a grin, “You don’t need to worry about that either. I’ve got it covered.” She steps over him and perches on top of the cab. “You sleep, I’ve got first watch.”

She’s expecting him to argue a bit, but she guesses even a super soldier can be knocked down a peg or two by an orgasm. 

When he wakes up, they pass the time the same way they usually do on stakeouts, by talking. Mostly about nothing, because that’s safer. Nat’s game of offering up women to him seems less appealing suddenly, so she settles for War Story Hour with Steve Rogers. She likes hearing his versions, when the world’s had seventy years to embellish and forget and sugar coat things.

When it gets dark, Nat disables the cameras in the base. “Has it changed much?”

“A little,” he says, looking around, “Or maybe I did.”

“This is a dead end,” she announces, as her scan turns up nothing, “Zero heat signature, zero waves, not even radio. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off.”

Something on his face changes though. She looks where he’s looking, sees nothing but a building. 

“That shouldn’t be there.” She follows him to it, and he’s starting to sound almost excited, “Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards of the barracks. This building is in the wrong place.” He pounds on the lock once with his shield, and she’s starting to realize that might never get old.”

She follows him down the stairs and finds a lightswitch. There must be some kind of power source still feeding whatever this place is, because the lights come on. 

On the far wall is a familiar emblem. “This is S.H.I.E.L.D..”

“Maybe where it started,” he agrees. He opens the next door and there’s shelves, mostly empty. On the wall, three portraits. 

Nat recognizes one, “There’s Stark’s father.”

“Howard,” he says familiarly, and while Nat knew that they knew each other, she’d kind of forgotten, since Tony’s older than both of them. Steve reaches out and touches the portrait on the left, “Peg.”

She has a hundred questions, mostly all boiling down to if he’s okay, but she doesn’t voice any of them. She just follows as he walks along the bookshelves. He stops suddenly, “If you’re already working in a secret office…” He reaches out and slides the shelves apart, “Why do you need to hide the elevator?”

“I would’ve found that,” she says.

“Nowhere to go but down,” is all he says. 

The computers down there are right out of the 1950s. “This can’t be the datapoint. This technology is ancient –” she suddenly spots something very not-ancient. She pulls out the flashdrive, but looks to Steve before plugging it in. 

The computer turns on. Nat jokes, “Y-E-S spells yes.‘Shall we play a game?’ It’s from a movie–”

“Yeah, I saw it,” he says, pats the pocket in his jacket that he slipped his notebook into. 

The computer speaks, “Rogers, Steven Grant, born 1918.” Nat spots the camera at the same time that the computer announces, “Romanoff, Natalia Alianova, born 1984.” 

Steve frowns, “Natalia?”

“It’s some kind of recording,” she says, because it has to be. 

“I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945, but I am.” The computer shows a grainy human face. 

She looks to Steve, “Do you know this thing?”

He looks spooked, “Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years.”

The voice of Zola corrects him sharply, “First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body. My mind, however – that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain.”

Nat feels a sick twisting in her stomach, “It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited German scientists with strategic value.”

“They thought I could help their cause. I also helped my own.” Nat is starting to get worried that Steve might have some kind of breakdown if this doesn’t stop soon.

His voice comes out more firm than she’s been expecting, “HYDRA died with the Red Skull.”

“Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.”

Zola starts spitting data at them. Archive footage of Steve in the war, of the activities of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the last seventy years. “This is impossible,” she says, because it has to be, “S.H.I.E.L.D. would have stopped you.”

“Accidents will happen.” Howard and Maria Stark, Fury, a few others Nat doesn’t really recognize but is sure were important.

“HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, HYDRA's new world order will arise. We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your Life; a zero sum.” Nat flinches as Steve smashes the screen in front of them. It doesn’t help, Zola moves to the next screen, “As I was saying…”

Steve gets back on mission faster than she could have dared hope, “What's on this drive?” 

“Project Insight requires insight. So I wrote an algorithm.”

Nat needs this to go faster, she wants out of this thing's brain, “What kind of algorithm? What does it do?”

“The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.” 

The door they’d come in through starts to close on its own. He throws his shield too late and it comes ricocheting back. Nat takes out her scanner, already knowing what it’s going to say. She’s not going to say so, but she’s kind of glad Steve asked her to devirginize, because there’s a pretty good chance they’re about to die. “Steve, we got a bogey. Short range ballistic. 30 seconds tops.”

He asks, “Who fired it?”

She wishes she didn’t have to be the one to tell him this, “S.H.I.E.L.D.”

The stupid computer won’t shut the hell up, “I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both of us...out of time.”

Steve rips open a floor grate and Nat jumps. She feels him grab her and force her down before the world collapses on top of them. She figures this is about as good a way to go as any. 

Nat wakes up in a newly stolen car, “Ow.”

“Hey,” he says, "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s trying to kill us.”

“I remember,” she groans, “Where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” he says, “You got a place? Barton?”

“We can’t bring Barton into this.” she says, “I told him to lay low, Fury and I were the only ones who knew where to find him.” 

He complains. “Not a lot else to go on, Nat.” 

“It’s not like we have a lot of friends,” she says, trying to think of a safe option. “Hey, actually, you have a new friend. One no one knows about but me.”

Steve blinks at her, “What? Sam? I’ve known him for like two days.”

“Then he hasn’t had time to get sick of you,” she suggests, “I’m not seeing too many other options, we need a place to eat and sleep and figure out if I’m bleeding internally or not, and we can come up with more options from there.”

“Fine,” he agrees.

She is fairly confident by the time they’re back in DC that she’s not bleeding internally. They ditch the car a few blocks away, and Steve boosts her over the back yard fence to knock on Sam Wilson’s back door. “Hey, man…?”

Steve looks appropriately apologetic, assuming that there’s an appropriate level of apology for putting someone on the radar of a government hit list. “I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lay low.”

Sam’s eyes flicker over to her, then back to Steve. “Everyone we know is trying to kill us.”

“Not everyone.” Sam says, stepping out of the doorway. 

Sam points them to the bedroom and Steve helps her out of her shirt until she’s in tank top, “Just sit, are you hurt?”

She shakes her head. Sure her ribs are bruised, but she’s pretty sure they’re not broken. He doesn’t look like he believes her. He goes into the ensuite and wets a washcloth, brings it to her. She swipes it over her face, watching him as he returns to the bathroom, strips down to his undershirt, and starts washing his face and hands. Like with everything else, he’s methodical.

She wants to be distracted by him. And a small part of her is. Undeniably, Steve Rogers is one of the hottest men she knows by a mile, and honestly, stripped down to an undershirt and coated in grime, wearing a grim expression – only makes him look better. But it's not enough distraction. 

For the first time in two years, Loki’s words are loud in her mind. Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov’s daughter? Sao Paulo? The hospital fire? Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!

She feels Steve’s eyes on her and she tries to look busy wiping dust out of her hair. “You okay?” She nods. He sinks down next to the bed, facing her, too close. “What’s going on?”

The way he’s staring into her eyes, so open, so inviting. And he should be the one spiralling, not her, but if he’s going to walk around all steady like that, fine. She figures, fuck it. She sets the towel down and she says exactly what she’s been thinking since New Jersey. “When I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D., I thought I was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA.” She looks down, can’t bear to see pity in his eyes, or worse, vindication. He never really trusted S.H.I.E.L.D.. “I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but… I guess I can't tell the difference anymore.”

She looks up, sees that expression on Steve’s face that he gets right before he says something outrageously cool. She wishes she could tell what parts of his personality are serum and what’s just Steve, though she supposes after seventy-odd years, it probably is all one in the same. “There's a chance you might be in the wrong business.”

She almost smiles. But she can’t let herself, “I owe you.”

“It's okay,” he says, gently.

“If it was the other way around,” she says softly, “And it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?” It’s an insane question to ask. They’ve fought aliens together. They’ve been on dozens of missions together. If she hasn’t had his trust all this time… 

“I would now,” he says right away, seriously. “And I'm always honest.” He smiles wryly.

She can’t help but smile back, even if she’s not really there yet herself. It’s her turn to check in, make sure he’s shooting straight, “Well, you seem pretty chipper for someone who just found out they died for nothing.”

He leans back, and for a second Natasha sees that he’s doing the same thing she usually does. He’s playing non-chalant, cocky, acting like nothing matters so it won’t hurt. He smirks, “Well, I guess I just like to know who I'm fighting.”

Sam knocks and lets himself into the room all in one motion, “I made breakfast. If you guys… eat that sort of thing.”

“Ten minutes,” Steve says, “Thanks.”

“Twenty,” she corrects, “We’ll be right out.”

Steve stands, “You can have the shower first, if you think you’re good to stand.”

“I’m no super soldier,” she says, “But it’s not exactly my first rodeo, Cap.”

He nods and she reaches up to catch his wrist, “It would be a shame to waste Sam’s water on two showers, don’t you think?”

“I –” For a moment Captain America is rendered speechless. Then he yanks on her hand and she doesn’t have her balance back until they’re in the bathroom. Steve kisses the self-pity out of her. Well damn, she thinks, you let a guy fuck you one time and he turns into a real pro.

Steve actually turns the water on before forcing her under the spray. For a second it’s freezing, before the hot water kicks in. She sprawls against the tiles as Steve kneels and kicks her right leg up into the crook of his elbow.

He wrings two releases from her in quick succession. All she can do is brace herself and try to keep from slipping to the bottom of the tub. He has to come up for air after the third.

She tugs on his arm weakly. He stands and she pitches forward into his arms, “Steve, how sure are you that Sam’s not going to flip on us.”

“I met him two days ago,” Steve says, “He should flip on us. I just don’t think he will. What do you think? What’s your read on the guy?”

“I don’t want to read anyone right now,” she whines, “I just want to know if I’ve got five minutes to suck your dick without anyone trying to kill us.”

“Be my guest,” he gasps, as she strokes him. She kneels in front of him, watches his face as she licks him before taking him in her mouth. His eyes close, though he fights it, clearly interested in watching her work. 

Nat pulls off and stands at the last moment and strokes him through the shaking of his orgasm. He rests his forehead against her shoulder, “Christ, Nat.”

Nat’s seen the range of human experience when it comes to aftercare. She’s still not sure how to react when Steve starts to massage shampoo into her hair. She lets him wash her hair,  and then tentatively they wash the last two days from one another. His hands linger on her body, but it doesn’t feel strictly sexual. It makes her throat tight and her eyes sting.

She turns her back on him so he won’t see. He knows. His arms wrap around her waist and his chin slots in the dip of her shoulder and collar bone. “Natasha.”

“If you tell anyone –” the threat comes out ragged and half-hearted and goes unfinished. He lets it go by. 

She reaches behind her, puts a hand on his thigh. “Steve?”

He hums low, the sound reverberating against her back. She leans into him a bit more, “I really hope we don’t get killed.”

He snorts back a laugh and lets her go, “Me too, Romanoff.” He turns off the water, “Did Zola call you Natalia?”

She shrugs, “It’s all pretty much the same, right?”

He shrugs and passes her a towel.

Nat doesn’t have any other clothes, so she sticks with her tank top and jeans. Her hair is going to dry curly without a straightener. Not that she has time for vanity today. Steve puts his own pants back on, but takes one of Sam’s shirts from the drawers. As leans down to get it, Nat does something she’s been wanting to do for two years. She slaps Steve’s butt.

He jumps, “Nat!”

She grins, “It’s what the people would want me to do, Rogers. What if today’s the day I die, you want me to die with regrets?”

He laughs and rolls his eyes, “Just for that, I’m making sure you don’t die today, Romanoff.”

Sam’s breakfast is delicious. And Nat’s pretty sure he’s got a good idea about what happened in his shower. They decide Sitwell and Pierce have to be responsible for Insight. It’s all shaping up for a bad fight.

And then Sam drops the folder. Steve reaches for it, “What’s this?”

“Call it a resume.”

Nat snags it, forcing him to stand up and crowd close to read over her shoulder. Nat stares at the photos. “Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you.” She hands the photo to Steve, “You didn’t say he was a para-rescue.”

Steve of course sees something entirely different in the photos, “Is this Riley?”

“Yeah.” There’s something there Nat doesn’t know about. 

She says, “I heard they couldn’t bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use, a stealth chute?”

“No,” Sam picks up the folder and hands it to Steve, “These.”

Nat leans in this time to read over his shoulder. Steve sounds the way he always sounds when he learns about some piece of the mission too late. “I thought you said you were a pilot.”

“I never said pilot,” Sam says.

Steve shakes his head, “I can't ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason.”

“Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in.” Nat suppresses a smile. 

Steve looks equal parts flattered and uncomfortable, it must be weird to have kids growing up idolizing you. Nat prays she’ll always lag behind the other Avengers in that respect. If there are still Avengers after this. “Where can we get our hands on one of these things?”

“The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.”

Steve looks at her. Nat flexes. Yeah, she’s not too busted up, and it’s been at least six months since her last trip to Fort Meade. She shrugs. Steve looks back at Sam, “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I need a change of clothes before we go in,” she says.

“Fine,” Steve agrees, “But if I die picking out Black Widow’s underwear, the world’s going to be in an uproar.”

Chapter Text

Nat hangs back while Sam makes the call to Sitwell. Her job is to point the gun, a credible threat. Steve drags Sitwell into the back of the car and Nat runs to make the next block. 

She follows Steve as he drags Sitwell up to the roof of the building they selected in advance. She’s not really needed here. This is the kind of interrogation that Steve Rogers is good at, dangling a man over empty air. 

“Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof? Because it's really not your style, Rogers.”

Steve smiles, “You're right. It's not. It's hers.” 

He steps aside and Nat kicks Sitwell off the roof. “So how many of the bonds girls did you eat out, exactly?”

“Enough to know what I was doing,” he says. 

“Yes you did,” she agrees, and before she can press for a more specific number, Sam swoops down in his Falcon suit and drops Sitwell back on the roof. He cowers, “Zola's algorithm is a program… for choosing Insight's targets!”

Steve demands, “What targets?”

“You! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Undersecretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa city. Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA! Now, or in the future.” Nat’s throat is tight at the mention of killing Steve and Bruce. Sure Bruce is pretty much impossible to kill as far as they know, but she can’t imagine gambling to find out if Insight’s the thing to finish him off. 

Steve is oddly less caught up in the sentimentality of this, “The Future? How could it know?”

Sitwell laughs. Actually laughs. “How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future.”

Steve gives her a look, “And what then?”

Sitwell stops talking, and then seems to realize he’s been talking. “Oh, my God. Pierce is gonna kill me.”

“What then?!” Steve’s like a dog with a bone.

“Then the Insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time.”

Steve looks at her, “We gotta go. Sam, you’re driving. Nat, watch him.”

“You can’t take me back,” Sitwell begs, “Please. They’ll kill me. Oh God, they probably already know I talked. They have eyes and ears everywhere. HYDRA doesn’t like leaks.”

Sam’s weaving in and out of traffic. He suggests, “Why don’t you try sticking a cork in it?”

Nat leans into the front seat and talks right in Steve’s ear, “Insight's launching in sixteen hours, we're cutting it a little bit close here.”

Steve nods, “I know. We'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly.”

Sitwell can’t believe what he’s hearing, “What?! Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea –”

They don’t get to find out why that’s a bad plan because the window gets smashed in. By the time Nat moves, Sitwell’s gone. Nat watches for a second as boots climb on top of the car and she has a single second to throw herself into Steve’s lap in the front seat to avoid being shot. 

Steve doesn’t seem to think or hesitate. He pulls the emergency brake and their would-be assassin goes flying in front of them. Nat’s stomach twists. “Cap… It's him. That’s the guy.”

“What?”

“That’s the ghost story.” Metal arm. Mask. Exactly what he remembers.

They get rear ended hard, and Nat would have gone through the windshield if not for Steve the human seatbelt.

The Winter Soldier jumps as they hurtle towards him and Nat fumbles to grab her gun off the floor. She gets one shot off before the assassin leaps onto the car behind them. The steering wheel is ripped out, and they’re rear ended again, this time the car is losing control. 

“Hang on,” Steve shouts, wedging his shield between them and the door. Nat grabs him and they both reach for Sam. Steve breaks the door off and they slide on it just before the car flips. Sam goes rolling, but Nat holds on until the door loses momentum.

They’re surrounded, even without the Winter Soldier. He points a grenade launcher at them and Steve pushes her to the right. Nat runs, looks back to see Steve and the shield taking the hit and Steve falls off the overpass to the road below. She doesn’t have a minute to worry about him, because now they’re back to trying to kill her. 

Nat runs and her shot is good. She sees him take off his glasses. She thinks Steve landed around here, but she runs faster. They have better chances if they split up.

Nat hears automatic weapons firing in rapid succession, they must have Steve pinned down.

She drops her phone and takes off in the opposite direction. She dials in with her backup phone. S.H.I.E.L.D. is HYDRA and trying to kill them, but she doesn’t know who else to call in this situation, “This is Agent Romanoff. I make an LZ, twenty-three hundred block of Virginia Avenue. Rendezvous two minutes. Taking fire above and below expressway. Civilians threatened. Repeat, civilians threatened.” She tosses her phone at the same time the grenade explodes.

It works. He blows up her phone and she leaps onto his back. She whips out her garrot as she tackles him and one of Stark’s little tech-killing nano-bots. When that doesn’t do much more than slow him down, she runs. There are civilians everywhere. “Get out of the way! Get out of the way!” Every one she gets close to is going to add red to her ledger, she knows it.

And then Nat gets shot. It burns. Her knees hit the pavement hard. She scrambles to get cover behind the nearest car. She can’t tell how bad it is. 

She twists around and he’s there. And she’s about to die.

Steve comes bolting up the street.

And he loses his shield.

Nat’s never seen him in a prolonged fight without it. He’s losing. Or at least, he’s not winning. Whatever this thing is, it’s as strong as Steve. 

Nat sees Steve stop. Sam knocks The Winter soldier down and Nat crawls to the discarded grenade launcher. She takes the shot. And she knows she doesn’t hit him, but as the smoke clears, he’s gone.

But the calvary is already here. Rumlow.

Steve drops his shield and Nat’s sure he’s about to be executed, but there’s a chopper in the air – media, not S.H.I.E.L.D.. Rumlow snaps at his agents, “Not here!

They force her into a van. Nat lets them. 

Nat thinks she’s losing a lot of blood, because she swears Steve just told her that his friend James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is the Winter Soldier. And then she knows she’s not, because Sam asks the logical question, “How’s that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.”

“Zola,” Steve says, and she can’t stand to see him look so defeated, “Bucky’s whole unit was captured in ‘43. They must have found him and…”

“None of that’s your fault, Steve.”

He can’t seem to look at them either, “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.”

Nat leans back and breathes through the pain. Sam’s looking at her, even if Steve won’t, and Nat’s starting to like this one. “We need to get a doctor here. We don't put pressure on that wound, she's gonna bleed out here in the truck.” Steve looks up sharply, only seemingly just noticing that she’s been shot. 

One of the guards suddenly tases the other and knocks him out cold. Nat forces herself to be alert as their new ally takes off their helmet, “Maria.”

“Ah, God. That thing was squeezing my brain.” She looks at Sam, “So, who’s this guy?”

“Maria, Sam.” Steve says, “Sam, this is Maria.” 

“Para-rescue,” Nat says, “Khalid Khandil.”

“You shouldn’t be talking,” admonishes Steve gently, and he sits forward to put pressure on her wound. “I take it you’ve got a plan, Hill.”

“You’re not gonna like it.” She pulls out a laser, “There’s a black van, 500 meters back, get in it.”

Sam glances at them, “Is she serious?”

“Yeah,” Nat says, “Steve, go first, in case eagle boy can’t land it.”

“You mean in case you can’t land it,” he says, “You look like hell, Nat.”

“Shut up and catch me,” she says.

Nat doesn’t need catching in the end. Sam does. Maria climbs in the driver’s seat and Sam joins her up front. Nat lets Steve lower her to the floor in the back and he packs the bullet hole, “It’s through and through, but I can’t tell how bad it is.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she mumbles, “I’ll be okay.”

Nat’s not sure where Hill takes them, but it’s remote. Some forgotten S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. Maybe forgotten on purpose, for just such a schism. She climbs out into Steve’s arms, lets him support her weight as they enter. A man runs to meet them. Hill’s already barking orders, “GSW. She’s lost at least a pint.”

“Maybe two,” Sam corrects.

“Let me take her,” the man says, and Nat guesses he might be the on-staff doctor. She hopes he is.

Maria shakes her head, “She'll want to see him first.”

The way she says ‘him’, Nat knows who she’s talking about. She also knows that’s impossible. Maria pulls back a curtain and reveals a ramshackled medical bay. And Nick Fury hooked up to some monitors but very much alive, “About damn time.”

“Steve,” Nat says, tongue thick in her mouth, “I think I might pass out now.”

His hold on her tightens, and Nat thinks she might actually lose a couple seconds. She’s pushed down into a chair and the doctor gets to work examining her. She stares at Nick. 

Sam is the one to ask, “How are you alive?”

“Barely,” Nick grunts, “Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, one hell of a headache.”

“Don't forget your collapsed lung,” says the doctor working on Nat’s shoulder.

“Oh, let's not forget that.” Fury agrees, “Otherwise, I'm good.”

Nat shakes her head, “They cut you open, your heart stopped.”

“Tetrodotoxin B,” he says, “Slows the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn't work so great for him, but we found a use for it.” 

Steve demands, “Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?” 

Maria looks deadly serious, “Any attempt on the director's life had to look successful.” And Nat’s not really someone who considers herself close enough to other people to be betrayed, but she definitely feels something at the realization that Maria knew the whole time. Their tears watching Nick flatline weren’t shared after all.

“Can't kill you if you're already dead.” Nick says, “Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust.” 

And it’s ridiculous that anyone would ever really trust her, or that she would expect them to, but a part of her wants to shout ‘ Me! You could have trusted me!’

Nat pushes the doctor away, “Can you be done now? We’re on a deadline.”

The doctor mutters something, but Nat’s clearly not dying now that she’s not bleeding everywhere, so she’ll worry about it later. Everyone tells their stories in as few words as possible. Nat and Steve leave out their extracurricular activities and Steve introduces Sam. 

When everyone’s caught up, Nick nods, “I’m gonna need out of this bed.”

The doctor balks, but Nick’s already getting up. They just need to get out of the way.

They all sit around a table covered with files that Nat is guessing were stolen on a hasty exit from S.H.I.E.L.D.. Nick picks up a photo from one of the files, “Goddamn motherfucking Pierce. This man declined a Nobel Peace Prize. He said ‘Peace wasn’t an achievement, it was a responsibility.’ See, it’s stuff like this that gives me fucking trust issues.”

Nat tries not to sound like she just got shot, “We have to stop the launch.” She looks to Steve, who seems like the person in this room who’s the most likely one to be able to do that at the moment. She’s also curious to know if he’s taking Hill and Fury seriously. He might be a better judge of character at this point. 

Nick says bitterly, “I don’t think the Council’s accepting my calls anymore.” He opens the case under the file. Three computer chips.

Sam asks, “What’s that?”

Maria and Nick explain how Insight works, and how the chips will disrupt HYDRA’s plan. Nat looks from one to the next, “...Maybe, just mayhem, we can salvage what’s left –”

“We’re not salvaging anything.” Nat braces herself. She’s not sure if she should be prepared to get in Steve’s way or out of it. “We’re not just talking down the carriers, Nick, we’re taking down S.H.I.E.L.D..” Hearing it said out loud is like being slapped in the face.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this,” says Nick.

“You gave me this mission,” says Steve, “This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s been compromised, you said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.”

Nat stays quiet. She’s not sure who she’ll be without S.H.I.E.L.D.. But she’s not sure there’s a way to extricate something that’s been growing in the walls of S.H.I.E.L.D. like mold. There’s no way to know for sure where one ends and the other begins. 

Nick gestures around them, “Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed.”

“And how many people paid the price before you did?”

Fury swallows, and Nat’s reminded for some reason of the moment Banner called him out for building an ejectable Hulk-containment unit on the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier. Caught out. “Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.”

“Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes.”

“He’s right,” says Maria, Nick looks around the table. Nat doesn’t say anything, but she made her choice the second she decided to walk out of the hospital.

Sam says it best, “Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower.”

“Well…” Fury takes a beat to resign himself to the new reality, “Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain.”

Steve looks like he still wants to argue, even though everyone’s agreeing he’s right now. He looks at her, “Thoughts?”

She shrugs, which jars her shoulder, “Ow. A few.”

“Good,” he says, “Tell them what you need. I need some air before we get into it.”

Nat watches him walk away. She can’t even begin to guess what’s going through his head between HYDRA outliving his sacrifice and his dead friend becoming a HYDRA death machine. “You should check on him,” she suggests to Sam.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” she says, “You’re his friend.”

“We met like five minutes ago.”

“And you harboured fugitives for him,” she says, “Isn’t this like the whole thing you do? Besides, we’re in for a helluva fight, you want me at my best.”

Sam sighs, “Alright, fine.”

Nat’s detailing her plan to get into S.H.I.E.L.D. using Steve as a distraction when Sam comes barging back into the room, “Steve wants to steal his uniform back?”

Nat raises an eyebrow at the super soldier in question, “From the Smithsonian? We’re kind of on a clock, Cap.”

He shrugs, “Gotta wear the right outfit for the job. And it’s mine” 

“Fine,” Nat says, “We’ll stop on the way. But you gotta hear the rest of the plan on the ride.”

“Deal,” he says, helping her up, “Are you good for this?”

She smiles, “Cap, you’ll know I’m not up for the mission if I stop breathing for more than two minutes.”

“Got it,” he says, “Sam, Hill, let’s go.”

Nat doesn’t tell Steve she thinks this helmet might be even dorkier than the one S.H.I.E.L.D. had designed for him. She just drops the others off so she can handle her part of the plan.

Nat follows Pierce and the rest of the World Security Council up to the board room. She’s a professional and she’s used to having absolute control over every muscle in her body, but she almost struggles to be Councilwoman Hawley when Steve’s voice comes over the loudspeaker.

And damn. Nat gets why the General looked at Steve and thought if he couldn’t be the super soldier they needed, he could at least sell the people on paying for the war. He could rally a crowd. 

“...I know I’m asking a lot, but the price of freedom is high, it always has been. And it’s a price  I’m willing to pay. And if I’m the only one, then so be it. But I’m willing to bet I’m not.”

Rockwell looks understandably betrayed, “You smug son of a bitch.”

Two agents come in. Nat doesn’t know them by name, but she knows they’re Rumlow-adjacent and therefore bad news. Singh tells them to arrest Pierce. The first agent pulls a gun on Singh. And while not totally unexpected, Nat hadn’t really thought that she’d see the first shots fired on this mission.

Pierce smirks, “I guess I've got the floor.”

Nat hears Maria’s voice in her earpiece, “They’re initiating launch.”

Well, Nat hopes Steve and Sam are ready. She’s not in a spot to blow her cover just yet.

Pierce is watching out the window as Sam and Steve wreck S.H.I.E.L.D.’s shit and get shot at. “Let me ask you a question. What if Pakistan marched into Mumbai tomorrow, and you knew that they were gonna drag your daughters into a soccer stadium for execution? And you could just stop it with a flick of the switch. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you all?” 

Singh tosses aside the glass of champagne that Pierce is pressing into his hand, “Not if it was your switch.” Oh boy, things are getting a little dicey for Nat’s liking.

One of the agents hands Pierce his gun. It’s funny he’d want to do it himself. But from Nat’s perspective, red in your ledger is red in your ledger, whether you take the shot or you make someone else take it for you. But she’s not adding any more red today. 

She kicks Singh to safety and starts taking down agents. She arms herself and aims at Pierce, removing her disguise, “I’m sorry, did I step on your moment?”

Nat goes for the computer, someone else has a gun still trained on Pierce, she’s got minutes to do what needs to be done. Rockwell is the first to question what she’s doing. Pierce knows, “She’s disabling security protocols and dumping all the secrets onto the internet.”

“Including HYDRA’s,” Nat agrees. 

“And S.H.I.E.L.D.’s,” he says, “If you do this, none of your past is gonna remain hidden.” She keeps working. She knew that when she suggested it. “Are you sure you're ready for the world to see you as you really are?”

Nat looks up at him. She’s been a lot of bad things, but she never pretended to be above that. “Are you?”

In her ear Steve says, “Alpha, locked.”

Pierce sounds smug, “Disabling the encryption is an executive order, it takes two Alpha Level members.”

“Don't worry,” she smiles, “Company's coming.” Right on time the helicopter lands. Fury liked to make a splashy entrance just as much as Stark in her opinions.

Pierce recovers quickly, “Did you get my flowers? I'm glad you're here, Nick.”

“Really? Cause I thought you had me killed.”

Nat keeps working while they snipe at one another. 

“...I can bring order to the lives of seven billion people by sacrificing twenty million. It's the next step, Nick, if you have the courage to take it.”

“No, I have the courage not to.” Fury brings Pierce to her and Nat picks up her gun. 

Pierce stares at the retinal scanner like he can’t believe they’re stupid. “Don't you think we wiped your clearance from the system?”

“I know you erased my password, probably deleted my retinal scan, but if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary…” Nick removes his eyepatch, “You need to keep both eyes open.” Nat had some doubts about that part of the plan, but as Fury promised, it works. Alpha Level confirmed. Encryption code accepted. Safeguards removed.

Sam this time, “Beta, locked.”

Nat goes back to work on the computer, “Done.” 

She checks her backup phone, “And… yep. Trending. Thirteen seconds, not bad.”

Pierce clicks a button and the other councilmen fall to the floor, crying out in pain. Nat raises her gun, but Pierce holds up his remote, “Unless you want a two inch hole in your sternum, I’d put that gun down. That was armed the moment you pinned it on.”

Nat’s willing to do a lot for this one. She’s not ready to do that. At least not yet. She lowers her gun, and so does Fury. 

Pierce gets back to work, “Lieutenant, how much longer?”

“Sixty-five seconds to satellite link. Targeting grid engaged. Lowering weapons array now.”

Nat hopes to hell Sam and Steve haven’t been talking in her ear because they’ve been doing a good job on their part of the plan. But she also hasn’t heard anyone confirm that Charlie is locked. They can’t afford for any one of these to go online.

“We've reached three thousand feet. Sat link coming online now… Deploy algorithm.” And then, “Algorithm deployed. ”

Pierce smiles, “We are go to targets.”

“Target saturation reached. All targets assigned. Fire when ready.” Oh God. They’ve failed. 

“Firing in, three, two, one.”  

“Charlie. Locked.”

“Where are the targets? Where are the targets?”

Steve and Maria leave the channel open, so she can hear Maria, “Okay, Cap, get out of there.” 

“Fire now.” Nat doesn’t need to see a monitor to know Steve’s still in one of those helicarriers.

Maria can tell too, “But, Steve…”

“Do it! Do it now!” Nat flinches as the helicarriers fire on one another.

Pierce scoffs, “What a waste.”

And oh right, Nat’s still in a standoff. Game face. “So. Are you still on the fence about Rogers' chances?”

“Time to go, Councilwoman. This way, come on. You're gonna fly me out of here.” And Nat’s not about to be  a human shield for this piece of shit. Not today. She lets him reach for her hand.

Nick sounds genuinely sad, “You know, there was a time I would have taken a bullet for you.”

Pierce isn’t. He’s also not paying attention to her as she gets out one of Stark’s little tech frying discs. Pierce says, “You already did. You will again when it's useful.”

Nat hits the button. She loses control of everything.

She blinks, “Ow. Those really do sting.”

Nick breathes a sight of relief.

Pierce gasps, “Hail HYDRA.”So Did I

“Oh come on,” Nat says, sitting up, “Those are your last words? That’s beyond cliche. That’s embarrassing.” She ignores Nick’s attempt to help her to her feet, “Come on, we gotta go. Steve’s trying to do that thing where he dies on us, and who knows where Sam is. Helicopter, go!”

Neither of them are moving full speed, but they get the bird off the helipad. Just in time for Sam to shout in her ear, “Please tell me you got that chopper in the air!”

“Sam, where are you?”

“41st floor, north-west corner!” Huh, that was surprisingly specific.

“We're on it, stay where you are.”

“Not an option!” As they round the corner, it’s obvious why. One of the helicarriers is crashing through the building as it slowly falls out of the sky. Fury yanks the controls and the helicopter goes sideways. Nat ignores the pain in her injured shoulder as Sam flies past her and she lunges to grab him before he plummets to his death. Sam shouts, “41st floor! 41st!”

Fury yells back, “It's not like they put the floor numbers on the outside of the building!”

Nat scans the helicarrier destruction around them, “Hill, where's Steve? You got a location on Rogers?”

“He’s still on Charlie,” Hill reports. “He’s gotta get out of there, it’s going down. His comms are off, or damaged.”

“Goddamn it Steve,” Nat mutters as the bottom falls out of the helicarrier. Debris is falling. It’ll be nearly impossible to see a human man among it, if he is.

It takes two hours before anyone gets eyes on Steve Rogers. He’s laying on the bank, beat to hell, bleeding. But not dead.

Nat climbs into the back of the ambulance with him. Maria and Sam promise to follow. 

Nat’s stamina lasts just long enough for a doctor to confirm Steve’s internal organs are knitting back together faster than surgeons could hope to help with and for Maria to confirm that the armed guard is loyal to her and Nick. 

She fights it for a moment, stumbling and grasping for the counter as her vision goes black. She can’t feel anything for a moment but she can still hear, and Sam’s voice is in her ear, “It’s alright, Widow. I’ve got him.”

Nat gets vision back for a second, “I –”

Someone yells for a gurney. 

Nat goes out for real. 

She wakes up and it’s been at least a little while, because Steve is sitting at her bedside. He's still wearing a hospital gown. She does her best to smile, “Hey, Cap.”

“I heard you fainted on my behalf.”

“I got shot,” she protests.

He grins, “So did I.”

“I got electrocuted.”

“Fair enough.” he says, “Stark’s been calling every half hour to check on you.”

“You mean Pepper and Banner are calling,” she says.

“No, I mean Stark,” Steve says, “Nat, the world’s going crazy. They arrested Stern. There’s a call for a committee hearing. Which Stark has some advice about by the way.”

Nat blinks, “I bet he does. Is Sam okay?”

“He’s getting lunch,” Steve says, “It’s been a little over a day, by the way.”

“You’re already up and around?”

“I heal fast,” Steve says, “Everyone who was with us and got out is being snapped up by other agencies, pending the fallout. Maria’s going to Stark, Sharon’s going to the CIA.”

“Maria’s going to hate working for Stark,” Nat laughs, “But that’s good. You know, Avengers-wise. Right?”

“Right,” says Steve, looking a little uncertain. And yeah, now that she’s said it out loud, Nat’s not sure that privately funded Avengers controlled by Stark Industries is what most people would consider better for the world. But then again, HYDRA went out of their way to kill Howard Stark, so at least Tony’s probably not part of a secret cabal of shadow government. 

“Cap?”

“Yes, Natalia?”

She wrinkles her nose at that, “You have really got to stop sacrificing yourself. I don’t know if you noticed, but it makes being your friend really upsetting.”

Steve almost smiles. “Yeah? Well I heard you electrocuted yourself.”

“It was better than having a hole burnt through my chest,” she complains, “Has anyone said when I can get out of here?”

“You got shot yesterday,” Steve reminds her.

“So did you,” she shoots back.

“And I’m still here,” he says, gesturing at his wardrobe.

“What are you gonna do about Bucky?”

Steve sighs, “I gotta try, Nat. To find him, to figure out how to get him back.”

“He speaks Russian.” Nat says, “I can ask around.”

“Thank you,” he says, and for one second Nat thinks he might kiss her. She’s not sure if she hopes he does or doesn’t. 

“You might not like what I find,” she warns.

The door opens before Steve can say anything. She doubts he would choose differently no matter what she finds. He just wants to know. “Oh hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

Nat makes a face, “Steve and I both get shot and you’re fine? I’m not sure you pulled your weight on this one, Wilson.”

“You know what, Romanoff –”

Nat’s released from the hospital – against medical advice – the next day. Four days later she’s summoned to Capitol Hill and sworn in at the emergency committee hearing. 

Steve offers to join her, but she insists he stays away. She leaked the whole of an entire intelligence agency on the internet, he should stay out of it as long as he can, 

That doesn’t stop them from asking. “Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Nat crosses her arms, “I don’t know what there is left for him to say. I think the wreck in the Potomac made his point fairly eloquently.” 

The Committee General has some suggestions about what Steve could tell them, “Well, he could explain how this country's expected to maintain its national security now that he and you have laid waste to our intelligence apparatus.”

Nat’s ready for that one, “HYDRA was selling you lies, not intelligence.”

“Many of which you seem to have had a personal hand in telling.” And there’s the threat Pierce made, made good. 

“Agent, you should know that there are some on this committee who feel, given your service record, both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill.

“You're not gonna put me in a prison. You're not gonna put any of us in a prison. You know why?”

The same guy gestures for her to continue, “Do enlighten us.”

She practiced this one with Maria until it was perfect, “Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You'll know where to find me.” She can basically feel Tony screaming at his TV in elation as she stands up and walks out.

Nat’s late getting to the cemetery. Sam is shaking hands with Nick, but Nick doesn’t look happy. Sam must not be her new co-worker. Not that Nat works for Fury anymore either. She thinks. Nick shakes Steve’s hand, “If anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here.”

Nat smiles, “You should be honored, that’s about as close as he gets to saying thank you.”

Steve walks over and Nick walks away, but Nat can feel him watching them still, “Not going with him?” And he’s asking a lot of questions with that one question.

“No.”

“Not staying here.” It’s not a question. 

“I blew all my covers,” she says, “I gotta go figure out a new one.”

“That might take a while.”

She smiles, “I’m counting on it.” The air between them is filled with unsaid things. Offers not made. She holds out the file like it’ll shield them from it, "That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev. Will you do me a favor?”

Steve hums noncommittally. Maybe he’s not hopeless. She smiles, “Don’t drag Sam into anything too unsavory, okay? He’s not as super as I am.”

She leans up to kiss his cheek. She sees the questions in his eyes, it’s not a real kiss, but Sam’s there and Nick’s not gone far. She slips a burner phone into his hand, “Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread. Call if you’re in a jam, okay?”

She winks at Sam on her way by, “Don’t let him get you killed, Wilson.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sam gives her a little salute.

Chapter Text

Nat hears more from Bruce and Tony for the next few months. Thor pays her a visit and they have a wild party somewhere in the south of France. She stays with Clint for a few weeks.  She suspects that Tony and Steve are talking more often, but he won’t say so and she knows if she asks, he’ll assume things. Untrue things. Eventually, Nat finds herself back in New York. She feels a little useless at first, watching Tony and Bruce do experiments she doesn’t care enough to understand. 

She starts working with Bruce on ways to make him Bruce again on command. If Tetrodetoxin B isn’t the answer, Nat’s suggestion is good old fashioned mind games. It’s a bit dangerous to test, but that’s what she likes about it. And she doesn’t mind sitting with Bruce, in either of his forms. He’s funny, and interesting, and smarter than most people in the world. She could do worse. He could do better. Neither of them do anything. 

Then they start doing missions together.

Thor starts visiting more often, searching for Loki’s scepter, which was unfortunately not recovered in the splintering of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Clint starts doing one week in New York and one week back home. 

And one day, Nat’s helping herself to cold cereal and he walks through the door. 

She sits up straighter, “Hey. You’re here.”

He hesitates, “It’s good to see you, Nat.”

She abandons her cereal, “Where’s Sam? Did you find –?”

Steve shakes his head, “Sam’s fine, he’s visiting his sister. Hill called, something about a HYDRA base, thought even if we don’t get a lead… you know?”

Nat nods, “Okay, well, do you want some cereal?”

Tony strolls in, “I do! Hey, Cap, nice of you to make yourself at home. Where the hell have you been?”

“Russia, mostly,” says Steve, “Heard you had a lead on Hydra?”

Steve doesn’t leave after that mission. Or the next. 

Three months later, they’ve got the full force of the Avengers bearing down on a Hydra base in Sokovia. 

Nat can hear the sound of Tony pinging off of something even through the earpiece, “Shit!”

Cap barks, “Language! JARVIS, what's the view from upstairs?”

“The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other HYDRA base we've taken.”

Thor’s excited, “Loki's scepter must be here. Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last.”

“‘At long last’ is lasting a little long, boys,” Nat complains. The really super supers seem to forget sometimes that some of the team were humans and actually fight for their lives.

“Yeah. I think we lost the element of surprise,” agrees Clint.

Tony asks, “Wait a second. No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said ‘language’?"

Steve sounds ashamed of himself, “I know. It just slipped out.”

Nat sees Clint fall and she runs towards him, “Clint!”

Cap reports, “We have an enhanced in the field.”

She kneels over Barton, “Clint's hit!” Another barrage rains down around her, “Somebody want to deal with that bunker?” She sees The Hulk go sprinting in that direction, “Thank you.”

She focuses on stabilizing Clint. 

“Drawbridge is down, people.”

Nat reports, “Clint's hit pretty bad, guys. We're gonna need evac.”

Thor volunteers to get Clint  to the jet. Steve and Tony go for the scepter. “Copy that,” Steve agrees. There’s a blast, and Nat knows that’s the sound of hammer meeting shield. 

Tony butts in, “And for gosh sake, watch your language!”

Steve sighs, “That’s not going away any time soon.”

“No,” agrees Nat, as Thor lands next to her and Clint. 

She lets them go without her. “We’re locked down out here.”

Steve’s the one who gives her the next order, “Then get to Banner, time for a lullaby.”

Lullabies are harder in the field. She approaches cautiously, “Hey big guy. The sun’s getting real low.” She crouches down, hand outstretched.

Bruce puts his hand in hers, over, then under, then over again. He stumbles off and she waits. 

“We have a second enhanced. Female. Do not engage.” Steve’s report comes urgently, followed by, “Guys, I got Strucker.”

Tony hates being outdone, “Yeah, I got... something bigger. Thor, I got eyes on the prize.”

Nat reaches down and helps Bruce up, “You with me, Doc?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He’s always a bit disoriented coming back. She gets him back to the ship, and brings him his headphones and a sweater. She leaves him alone while they get the ship in the air, checks on Clint, then comes back, “Hey, the lullaby worked better than ever.”

He shrugs, “Just wasn't expecting the Code Green.”

“If you hadn't been there, there would've been double the casualties. My best friend would've been a treasured memory.”

He smiles at her tightly, “You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn't exactly what I want to hear.”

She asks, “How long before you trust me?”

“It's not you I don't trust.” 

Tony’s arranging for Dr. Cho to come set up in Bruce’s lab. Nat’s met the doctor a few times but she’s not exactly interested in biology. 

Tony puts JARVIS in charge of the flight and joins Thor and Steve in looking at the scepter, “It feels good, yeah? I mean, you've been after this thing since S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed. Not that I haven't enjoyed our little raiding parties, but…”

Thor agrees, “No, but this... this brings it to a close.” And Nat sees the Avengers on the verge of separating again. 

Except – “As soon as we find out what else this has been used for. I don't just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?”

Tony promises, “Banner and I'll give it the once before it goes back to Asgard. Is that cool with you? I mean, just a few days until the farewell party. You're staying right?”

“Yes, yes, of course. A victory should be honored with revels.” Nat’s still got a headache from the last time she and Thor experienced revels.

Tony agrees, “Yeah. Who doesn't love revels? Captain?”

“Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and HYDRA, so, yes, revels.” And that sounds like a party. 

Dr. Cho takes Clint and Nat goes with them. Laura will be insane if Nat doesn’t get Clint home this week. She passes Maria on her way to brief Cap. Ever since Steve showed up, he’s somehow the one in charge. And Nat doesn’t know how Tony’s fine with it, but he seems like he’s encouraging it. 

Tony comes down to watch Helen work. Bruce does as well. Nat asks, “You sure he's going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together.” Clint laughs.

Dr. Cho is happy to explain her work in layman’s terms, “There's no possibility of deterioration. The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don't know they're bonding with a simulacrum.”

Bruce gets even more simple, “She's creating tissue.”

“If you brought him to my lab, the regeneration Cradle could do this in twenty minutes.”

Tony comes back with drinks for everyone, “Oh, he's flatlining. Call it. Time?”

Clint protests Tony’s attempt to usher him into the grave “No, no, no. I'm going to live forever. I'm gonna be made of plastic.”

“You'll be made of you, Mr. Barton,” Dr. Cho corrects, “Your own girlfriend won't be able to tell the difference.” And damn wouldn’t Nat have liked to have this lady around for some of her best worst hits.

Clint smirks around the straw of his drink, “Well, I don't have a girlfriend.” Nat’s telling Laura that the next time she sees her, for sure. 

Dr. Cho smiles, “That I can't fix. This is the next thing, Tony. Your clunky metal suits are going to be left in the dust.”

Tony takes obsoletion in stride, “Well, that is exactly the plan. And Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.”

“Unlike you, I don't have a lot of time for parties.” The doctor hesitates, “Will Thor be there?”

“I’ll introduce you,” Clint volunteers. 

“Rest up,’’ Tony advises, “I’ve got a scepter to look at.”

Nat watches him go, “Well, we might never see our crazy benefactor again.” 

She waits until Clint falls asleep before heading up to her room to shower. As she walks out of her room, hair still damp, she nearly walks into Captain America, “Hello.”

He looks guilty, “Hey, just checking in. Stark and Banner are still down there. How’s Clint?”

“Dr. Cho seems convinced he’s going to be indistinguishable from this morning,” says Nat, “Sam coming in for the party?”

“He wouldn’t miss it,” says Steve, “He’s been asking about you.”

“Tell Sam not to worry about me,” Nat says, “You’re the one always trying to sacrifice yourself, that’s not me, Cap.”

Chapter Text

Nat makes herself an unofficial bartender so she doesn’t have to mingle for a minute. Bruce comes and sits at one of the stools, “How'd a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this?”

She smiles softly, “Fella done me wrong.”

He smiles back, “You got a lousy taste in men, kid.” 

Flirting with Bruce is fun. Easy. A little dangerous because she can tell that in the right – or wrong – circumstances, she might really get swept up in it all. “Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, spends his life avoiding the fight because he knows he'll win.”

Bruce sounds a little uncertain now, “Sounds amazing.”

She grins, “He's also a huge dork.” He looks a little embarrassed. She assures him “Chicks dig that. So what do you think? Should I fight this, or run with it?”

That trips him up a little, “Run with it, right? Or, did he... Was he...? What did he do that was so wrong to you?” 

Nat sees Steve watching them from a bit away, “Not a damn thing. But never say never.” She leaves, but hangs back to hear if they talk about her. 

She’s not disappointed. Steve says, “It's nice.”

Bruce still hasn’t recovered, “What, what, what is?”

“You and Romanoff,” says Steve.

“No, we haven't – that wasn't –”

It’s almost funny to hear Steve Rogers be the more casual one about sex, “It's okay. Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most... open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed.”

“No, Natasha, she... she likes to flirt.”

Steve advises, “I've seen her flirt. Up close. This ain't that. Look, as maybe the world's leading authority on ‘waiting too long’; don't. You both deserve a win.” 

As Steve walks away, Bruce calls, “Wait, what do you mean, ‘up close’?”

Nat has an odd feeling in her stomach. Does she flirt with Bruce all that differently than with other people? Maybe. Does that mean something? She’s not sure. And she hates not being sure, especially of herself.

She slips out to the rooftop for some fresh air. Steve finds her, “Why do I feel like I’m the only person at this party you don’t want to talk to, Romanoff?”

“Because I don’t want to talk to you at this party,” she says, “This party means you’re leaving.”

“You could still come with us,” Steve says. “Sam’s still looking for – you know.”

Nat looks at the others, “You could still stay.”

“Tony and I would kill each other,” Steve says, and she laughs because he’s right. “I’m thinking about Brooklyn. Or I would be. When did Brooklyn get so expensive?”

“Google the market crash of 2008 before bed tonight,” she advises, "Everywhere's expensive for a guy with no real job."

Steve gives her a sly look, “You know I lived through the Depression, right?” And yeah, Nat knew that, theoretically. 

“Christ you’re old,” she teases. 

Steve shrugs like what you gonna do? She complains, “I can’t believe you’re giving me a hard time about avoiding you, you’re the one who didn’t call.”

“Couldn’t,” said Steve, “Sam was already all over my ass that we fucked –” Nat doesn’t know how to reconcile this Steve with the Steve who objected to Tony swearing in the heat of a fight, “Which I denied, by the way.”

“Good,” she says, “Since that’s not happening again any time soon, could you leave Banner be?”

Steve sighs, “Nat, can I be really honest with you? As a friend?”

She raises an eyebrow at him, “I don’t know, can you?”

“I like Banner. When he’s Banner, he’s a nice guy.”

“Steven Rogers, if you’re about to say he’s too good for me–”

Steve smirks, “Now why would I go and say a stupid thing like that?”

“You think I don’t know that? The world knows what I am, Cap. I’m not built for the kind of thing Bruce wants. I’m not steady,” she stares out the window at the whole of New York below them, “I don’t think I’d want to be if I could.”

“Oh, Nat,” Steve says softly, “Now I feel like a jerk. I didn’t want to make you feel like you weren’t – like you’re not –”

“Don’t get yourself all twisted up on my account.” Nat purrs on a reflex. She’s not expecting his face to fall even more, “What, Rogers?”

He fidgets a little, which is not very Captain America of him, “If I tell you, will you kick my ass?”

She asks, “Am I gonna want to kick your ass?”

“Probably,” he admits.

“Well now you have to tell me,” she insists.

He doesn’t smile back. She frowns, he’s being really serious. He sighs, “It wasn’t because of Sam. It’s because I promised you I could handle it. And I don’t want you to panic thinking I’m developing feelings or something –”

Nat’s stomach clenches. She is considering panicking, “Steve –”

“Would you just shut up, Romanoff? For once?” She does. He lets out a breath, “I thought I could work through it. I was working through it. I swear, I wouldn’t have come back here if I hadn’t –”

Nat just wants him to stop talking. She probably should’ve thought of a better way to do that besides kissing him. That probably wasn’t giving him the message she wanted to give. And there’s a 99% chance Tony or Pepper has this all in HD. She pulls back, “Talk in my room later?”

He nods, wordlessly. She gets up, fixes her hair, and goes to get another drink.

By the time the evening winds down, it’s the Avengers, Rhodey, Maria, and Dr. Cho left. Throughout the night, in true Stark party fashion, various bits of their suits have been featured in the festivities. Nat takes another crack at the gauntlet of Tony’s suit, just to prove she was putting on a bit of an act when she was his assistant. 

They’re all sitting in a conversation pit, enjoying each other’s company without having destruction rain down upon them, and Clint is complaining about Thor’s stupid magic hammer. 

Thor gestures magnanimously, “Well, please, be my guest.” 

Conversation stops. “Really?”

Thor nods, “Yeah!”

Clint gets up and Rhodes says, “Oh, this is gonna be beautiful.”

Tony teases, “Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up.” That gets a few laughs. 

“You know I've seen this before, right?” He absolutely cannot move the hammer, “I still don't know how you do it.”

Stark mouths off, “Smell the silent judgment?”

“Please, Stark,” Clint steps back, “By all means.”

“Never one to shrink from an honest challenge," proclaims Tony, “It’s physics.” 

Next to her Bruce sounds like he thinks what Tony just said is moronic, “Physics?!”

“Here we go,” she says as Tony grabs it. He doesn’t pull yet, ever a showman, “Right, so, if I lift it, I... I then rule Asgard?”

Thor smiles, “Yes, of course.”

“I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta.” Nat isn’t sure what that is or how Tony knows about it, but it doesn’t matter, because the hammer doesn’t budge. “I'll be right back.” He comes back with his gauntlet on, but still can’t lift it.

Nat giggles when Rhodes gets out his gauntlet and they both fail. Bruce gives her a rueful self deprecating smile as he stands up to have a go. Nat knows him well enough now that she doesn’t even flinch when he pretends like he’s about to Hulk out. She sees Steve hide a laugh and she smiles and takes another sip of her beer. 

There’s cheering as Steve gets up. Tony almost sounds not bitter when he says, “Let's go, Steve, no pressure.”

Steve grins at her as he pulls up the sleeves of his dark blue shirt. Nat wishes Sam hadn’t left yet. It's almost imperceptible, but Nat thinks maybe it moves. She looks at Thor, and for a moment, he looks a little panicked. And then Steve holds up his hands in defeat and the look is gone. 

Bruce gestures to her, “Widow?”

Nat shakes her head, “Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered.” She sprawls out and takes another sip of beer. 

Tony won’t admit defeat, “All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged.”

“You bet your ass,” slurs Clint. He’s gonna regret trying to keep up with Steve, Tony, and Thor in the morning.

Maria grins, “Steve, he said a bad language word.”

Steve winces, “Did you tell everyone about that?”

Tony doesn’t even care to tease Steve. “The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. ‘Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints’ is, I think, the literal translation?”

“Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one,” Thor gets up and picks up his hammer, flipping it in the air lazily, “You're all not worthy.” That of course sends the others into an absolute protest.

A horrific screeching feedback-like sound comes from the other side of the room. They all stare in horror as the mangled bot housing Tony and Bruce’s science experiment declares that the path to world peace involves a lack of Avengers in the form of gunfire. 

Nat collides with Banner as they both dive behind the bar. She goes over and he lands on the bar top, she  reaches up and drags him down with her and he lands hard on top of her, “Sorry!”

“Don’t turn green,” she says in a rush.

“I won’t,” he says.

She pushes him off her, sits up, and draws a gun holstered under the bar, firing at one of Tony’s bots. She grabs Bruce by the arm, pulls him up, “Come on!” She runs for the stairs, still shooting. 

Steve destroys the last bot standing besides the Ultron-bot. The bot sighs at them wearily, “That was dramatic! I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve? With these? These puppets? There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction.” 

Thor takes that as the threat it is and destroys Ultron’s body. Nat looks around, “Everyone still alive?” When everyone confirms they’re still kicking, Nat says firmly, “I’m going to go upstairs, take off this dress, and when I get back I’m going to need you two to start talking. Full status report. No fighting until I get back, clear?” 

Thor snaps, “One of those things took the scepter. I will get it.” He’s gone before anyone else can argue him into staying.

She finds everyone in the lab. Tony staring blankly at the mangled body, Bruce is checking something on the computers. “All our work is gone. Ultron cleared out, used the internet as an escape hatch.”

Nat checks the computer herself, “He's been in everything. Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we know about each other.” And that’s terrifying to think about.

Rhodey has a dislocated shoulder, “He's in your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?”

“Nuclear codes,” suggests Maria, like this night couldn’t possibly get worse.

“Nuclear codes.” Rhodey agrees, “Look, we need to make some calls, assuming we still can.”

Usually Nat tries to be a realist. But this is actually beyond her realm of understanding right now, “Nukes? He said he wanted us dead.”

“He didn't say dead,” corrects Steve, “He said extinct.”

“He also said he killed somebody,” Clint reminds them.

Maria looks around the room like she’s doing yet another head count, “But there wasn't anyone else in the building.”

“Yes there was,” says Tony, as he pulls up an orange blob. Nat’s not sure what that means, but Bruce looks shaken, “This is insane.” 

Steve knows what this is too somehow and he looks like he just lost a friend, “JARVIS was the first line of defense. He would've shut Ultron down, it makes sense.”

Bruce shakes his head, “No, Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is...rage.”

Speaking of rage, Thor is back and seems to have reached his limit and goes right for choking out Tony. “Come on. Use your words, buddy.”

Thor snaps back, “I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark.”

Steve’s voice is sharp, “Thor! The Legionnaire?”

Thor puts Tony down, “Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it's headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again.”

Nat shakes her head, “The genie's out of that bottle. Clear and present is Ultron.”

“I don't understand,” says Dr. Cho, “You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?”

Tony cracks up and that irritates Thor, “You think this is funny?”

It’s clear Tony’s not amused, he’s just cracking up, “No. It's probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so –? Is it so –? It is. It's so terrible.”

As usual, the guys start fighting with one another. Nat rolls her eyes at them at first. Tony’s still going, “...A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's... that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

“Together,” says Steve, like he wasn’t planning on leaving.

“We'll lose,” says Tony flatly.

“Then we'll do that together, too.” And she believes him. “Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.”

And that’s all the time they have for arguing. Nat feels her own words from less than a year ago coming back to haunt her. ‘Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it.’

Tony gets the lock on Ultron first, and Maria takes over monitoring. She can hear Clint on the phone with Laura, probably not too happy that they’re in yet another Code Red situation at this crunch time in their lives. Nat has a migraine coming on by the time Maria and Steve bring them the pictures of Strucker. “This is a smokescreen. Why send a message when you've just given a speech?”

Steve suggests, “Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss.”

Nat checks the computer, “Yeah, I bet he – Yep. Everything we had on Strucker has been erased.”

“Not everything,” Tony says, “Follow me.”

Nat’s pretty pissed right now, but she still considers  kissing Tony’s compulsive little face when he unveils boxes of paper records. It’s fully morning and they’re still sifting through files. Steve holds up a new stack and passes them around, “Known associates. Wow, Strucker had a lot of friends.”

Bruce looks over the first part of the stack quickly, “Well, these people are all horrible.”

Tony stops him, “Wait. I know that guy.” He takes the pages from Bruce, “From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms.” He sees Steve frowning at him and adds, “There are conventions, alright? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything. He was talking about finding something new, a game changer.

Thor points to a distinctive scar on the back of Klaue's neck, “What's this? It looks like a brand of some sort.”

Bruce finds a match in the computer, “Oh, yeah. It's a word in an African dialect meaning thief, in a much less friendly way.”

Steve frowns, “What dialect?”

Bruce stumbles a little, “Wakanada...? Wa – Wa – Wakanda.”

Tony and Steve share an urgent look, “If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods…”

Steve looks like he might kill Tony for real, “I thought your father said he got the last of it?”

Bruce says what Nat’s thinking in a much nicer way, “I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?”

“The strongest metal on earth.” Tony says. He and Steve both look behind them where Steve’s shield is leaning against a stack of files. 

Steve asks, “Do we know where this guy is now?”

Nat stands, “I’m going to suit up, let me know where we’re going when you know.”

“Hang on,” Steve says, following her out, “Nat, hang on. Talk to me.”

“If you want to talk about my feelings right now Steve, I’m going to shoot you. Ultron might nuke the world, let’s focus, okay?”

Steve holds up his hands in surrender, “Yes, ma’am. Loud and clear.”

The door opens, it’s Clint, “Better make that outfit change on the plane, Nat.”

They come in from all sides. Nat’s not sure it’s going to help. Just when Nat’s starting to think Ultron, like Tony, talks too much, it throws her for a loop, “I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan –” And then Tony’s going down and there are drones and Maximoffs brawling everywhere. Klaue’s men are also shooting indiscriminately, which is really helping things. 

Nat hears static in her ear, “Hey, who was that?”

Thor reports, “The girl tried to warp my mind. Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty.” But the next time Nat sees Thor, he’s standing still.

She hears Clint in her ear, “Whoever's standing, we gotta move! Guys?” And she should respond. But she’s only half here.

Nat touches the familiar railing as she walks down the stairs. This can’t be right. At the end of the hall she sees the girls dancing. “Again!”

“You’ll break them,” Nat murmurs.

Madame B is suddenly next to her, “Only the breakable ones. You are made of marble. We'll celebrate after the graduation ceremony.”

“What if I fail?” 

You never fail,” says Madame B.

The world shifts, and Nat’s in a fight. A fight she wants to lose. “Sloppy,” chides Madame B, “Pretending to fail. The ceremony is necessary for you to take your place in the world.”

“I have no place in the world.” she says.

“Exactly.” 

And she’s strapped on a gurney. And she shouldn’t be scared, but she’s filled with it. They’re taking her apart. Remaking her into something different. 

“Hey, hey, Nat.” Nat blinks. Clint’s holding her face, “Hey, there. You with me?”

Nat blinks up at him, “I – I don’t know?”

“The Maximoff girl hit everyone. You’re okay, you’re safe, whatever you saw, that wasn’t real.”

“It was,” she whispers. She can hear Tony and Maria talking about Bruce. Clint gets up and takes the wheel. Says he’s taking them to a safehouse. Nat should care, because this is a huge deal for Clint. She just hurts.

She curls in on herself and pretends to be asleep every time Tony anxiously checks in on her. 

She eventually does fall asleep for real, wakes up when they’re landing. Clint puts an arm around her and drags her to the front door. Every step hurts until she hears Clint call, “Honey? I’m home!” And she sees Laura. “Hi. company. Sorry I didn’t call ahead.”

Clint introduces Laura, and Nat smiles as the others try to process. 

Lila and Cooper come running and Nat’s chest hurts a little less when Lila asks, “Did you bring Auntie Nat?”

“Why don’t you hug her and find out?” Nat swings Clint’s daughter up into her arms, 

“Sorry for barging in on you,” says Steve.

“Yeah, we would have called ahead,” agrees Tony, “But we were busy having no idea that you existed.”

Clint explains the whole off the books thing. Nat puts Lila down and checks on Laura, “How’s little Natasha?”

Laura looks apologetic, “She’s… Nathaniel.” Oh. A boy. 

Nat bends down to talk to the baby directly, “Traitor.”

Laura laughs. Nat’s vaguely aware of Thore leaving and Steve following. She hopes they come back. Laura says lightly, “Natasha, why don’t you take Dr. Banner upstairs, you, Mr. Barton, better start talking.”

Nat wishes she could sit with Lila and Cooper, but she peels off her suit and waits for Bruce to clean up. He opens the door, “I didn’t realize you were waiting.”

Nat looks away, “I was waiting for you. I – I’m sorry. I wasn’t – I should’ve been there to do the lullaby.”

He blinks, surprised, “You’re sorry? The world just saw the Hulk. The real Hulk, for the first time. You know I have to leave.”

Nat asks, “But you assume that I have to stay? I had this, um, dream. The kind that seems normal at the time, but when you wake –”

He looks up, “What did you dream?”

“That I was an Avenger. That I was anything more than the assassin they made me.”

“I think you're being hard on yourself,” he says gently.

“Funny.” she says, “That’s what I was going to say to you. Don’t leave, Bruce. Or – or I can run with it. With you. If running’s the plan, as far as you want.”

“What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?”

And maybe, a bit. She hasn’t felt right since that girl whammied her. Bruce turns away, “Natasha, where can I go? Where in the world am I not a threat?”

“You’re not a threat to me,” she says, “Bruce –”

“You don’t know that,” says Bruce, “And I think we all know, I’m not the one you want to run with.”

Nat freezes at the tone in his voice. It’s a little dangerous. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw you last night, with Cap.” And there it is. “Please, for one second, turn off that thing where you tell everyone what they want to hear, because it’s not helping.”

“Sorry,” she whispers, “It’s not… It's not like lying. I would go with you, Bruce. I mean it.”

“That’s the worst part,” he says. He turns his back on her, “Go clean up. I’m good. I’m me.”

“Okay,” she says. “Just be you, right here, okay? Until we figure out this Ultron thing.” And he must see some of the desperation in her, because he nods.

Nat takes a cold shower. She barely feels it. She dresses and finds Steve chopping wood. “Cap.”

He turns, drops his ax, “Hey. So I guess this is why you wanted to keep Barton off the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. thing?" Nat shrugs and he frowns at her, "You, uh? Okay?”

“No,” she says, “And don’t pretend you are either. That little girl tore us apart from the inside.”

He nods, “Can I do anything to help?”

Nat glances in the direction she saw Tony walking earlier, and then back at the house. She doesn’t see anyone. She looks back at Steve. “Yes.”

She grabs his arm and she takes him to an outbuilding. Clint’s office. She breaks into it and disables the alarm, and turns off the security cameras. She checks that it’s truly empty before she directs Steve to sit on an old dining room chair in the corner. She’s not going to violate Clint’s actual desk chair. For now. 

“Nat, what –?”

She sits herself in his lap, burying her hands in his hair, holding his forehead to hers. She breathes in, feels his breath on her face. “Shh. Please. Please let me have this.”

He nods, “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

They work together to get Steve’s suit off. Nat shimmies out of her sweats, “Just hold me? Please?”

Steve seems a little confused, last year they’d done everything fast, racing to please one another before time ran out. Now, Nat sinks onto him and she stays there, filled. His breath is hot against her, but he stays still, hands splayed across her back, keeping her steady until she decides to move.

She rides him slowly, and she doesn’t realize she’s crying until she feels him wipe tears from her cheeks, kissing the spot of damp skin left behind, “Oh, Nat. Sh. Don’t cry.”

“It hurts,” she says, wrapping her arms around his neck as she continues to rock. The chair squeaks a little ominously. “Please make the pain stop.”

He lets out a soft groan, and his hips buck up seemingly without his meaning to. Once, twice, and they both cry out as they finally find a release. Nat cries then, really cries.

Steve asks nervously, “You want me to get Barton? Laura?”

Nat shakes her head, holds onto him tighter, “I saw the Red Room. The place I was… trained. Raised. Made.” He nods, he knows what it is to be unmade and made something else. “They have this, um, graduation ceremony. They sterilize you. It’s efficient. One less thing to worry about. The one thing that might matter more than a mission. It makes everything easier. Even killing.”

His thumb strokes over her jaw, “So you can’t…?”

She shakes her head. He kisses her softly, “I’m sorry. That should have been a choice you made for yourself. And they took it from you.”

She wipes her eyes, “Look at me, crying like a child. Like this is something new.”

“There’s no timeline on grief,” says Steve softly, “Believe me on that one.”

Nat pulls her clothes back on, watches him redress in his suit, “What did you –? I mean, sorry. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to tell you,” he says softly, “I saw… I saw a life I could have lived. After the war.”

“With Peggy,” Nat says. And he looks scared, like she’s going to be hurt. And then a little confused and hurt that she’s not.

“We saw the same thing,” Nat says softly, “We saw an old hurt. Made fresh again. That’s what she wanted. Tony saw something that made him make Ultron. Bruce saw his worst fear come to life. Whatever Thor saw clearly wasn’t good and we should never have split up. She wants us to split up, Steve. Bruce is going to run, I know he is.”

“Then we need to be the glue,” he says, “You and me and Barton. We will hold this team together, alright?”

Nat nods. “Alright. Let’s see if we have a next move.” 

Chapter Text

She’s not expecting to see Fury in the house when they get there, “Nick.”

He eyes her suspiciously, and she can tell exactly what suspicion he has. Bruce gives her a look, and if Nat weren’t a world-class spy, she’d be blushing. 

Steve goes upstairs to get real clothes. Nat sits down at the table. When Steve comes back, he leans in the doorway. Nick gets the planning session started, “Ultron took you folks out of play to buy himself time. My contacts all say he's building something. The amount of Vibranium he made off with, I don't think it's just one thing.” 

Nat accepts a portrait of herself from Lila and Laura herds the kids upstairs to bed, “Night, sweet girl.”

Steve asks, “What about Ultron himself?”

“He's easy to track,” says Nick, “He's everywhere. Guy's multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit. Still doesn't help us get an angle on any of his plans though.”

Tony asks the pressing question, “He still going after launch codes?”

“Yes, he is, but he's not making any headway.” And that’s something, at least. 

Tony sounds almost disappointed, “I cracked the Pentagon's firewall in high school on a dare.”

Nick sounds fed up with Tony’s ego, “Yeah, well, I contacted our friends at the NEXUS about that.”

“NEXUS?” God, Natasha keeps forgetting that Steve’s old.

Bruce explains it to him. Clint asks, “So what'd they say?”

Fury shrugs, “He's fixated on the missiles, but the codes are constantly being changed.”

Tony sounds interested in that, “By whom?”

Nick shrugs again, “Parties unknown.”

Nat asks, “Do we have an ally?” God, who is she? Who is this hopeful woman?

Nick stipulates, “Ultron's got an enemy, that's not the same thing. Still, I'd pay folding money to know who it is.”

“I might need to visit Oslo,” Tony says, “Find our ‘unknown’.”

Nat can’t help the disappointment that bleeds out. Or, well, she could. She just doesn’t want to, “Well, this is good times, boss, but I was kind of hoping when I saw you, you'd have more than that.”

“I do,” he says, “I have you. Back in the day, I had eyes everywhere, ears everywhere else. You kids had all the tech you could dream of. Here we all are, back on earth, with nothing but our wit, and our will to save the world. Ultron says the Avengers are the only thing between him and his mission. And whether or not he admits it, his mission is global destruction. All this, laid in a grave.” And isn’t that gruesome in Clint’s kitchen, holding a drawing made by his daughter, “So stand. Outwit the platinum bastard.”

And this is a laugh or cry economy and Nat’s out of tears. She quips, “Steve doesn't like that kind of talk.”

Steve’s mouth quirks up, “You know what, Romanoff?” And God, does she hope she pays for that comment later. She smirks at him. 

Nick brings her back to non-sexy reality, “So what does he want?”

Steve somehow still has his mind on the mission, “To become better. Better than us. He keeps building bodies.”

Tony agrees, “Person bodies. The human form is inefficient, biologically speaking, we're outmoded. But he keeps coming back to it.”

Nat complains, “When you two programmed him to protect the human race, you amazingly failed.”

Bruce mutters, “They don't need to be protected, they need to evolve… Ultron's going to evolve.”

Fury frowns, “How?”

“Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?” 

No one raises an affirmative. No one’s getting any sleep tonight. “Suit up,” Steve says, but everyone’s already moving. “I’ll take Natasha and Clint.”

“Alright,” says Tony, “Strictly recon. I’ll hit NEXUS, I’ll join you as soon as I can.”

Steve asks, “If Ultron’s really building a body…?”

“He’ll be more powerful than any of us,” warns Tony, “Maybe all of us. An android designed by a robot.”

“You know, I really miss the days when the weirdest thing science ever created was me,” says Steve.

Nick says, “I'll drop Banner off at the tower. Do you mind if I borrow Ms. Hill?”

Tony sounds a little annoyed, but nods, “She's all yours, apparently.”

Steve asks, “What are you gonna do?”

“I don't know,” says Nick, and that’s the most honest answer Nat thinks she’s ever heard him give someone, “Something dramatic, I hope.”

Nat waits at a respectful distance for Clint to say his goodbyes before she thanks Laura and says her own. “Please, Nat. Bring my husband back in one piece. This baby needs a father.”

“I’ve got him,” she promises, and she has no idea how much of a lie that is or not.

She climbs in the jet and Clint’s already setting the autopilot, “Listen, I’m all for getting some sleep between here and Korea, but for the record, I mean sleep. I do not want to hear or see any part of either one of you that isn’t currently exposed.” Steve blushes.

Nat narrows his eyes. She thinks he might be bluffing for information. He stares right back, “My wife wants to know if you’re sleeping with Cap and Banner, or just Cap, here?”

“ Your wife can ask me whatever she wants when we save the world and come home alive,” she says. Clint goes back to the controls. Steve won’t meet her eye. But he does put his hand next to hers on the seat between them. Not holding hands. Barely even touching. Somehow that little touch feels more intimate than anything else in the world. “I see that,” says Clint, and they both pull their hands away. 

They get there too late. Steve goes in first and leaves both of them on the jet with instructions not to go far. Steve finds Dr. Cho and Nat’s called in a medical team and located a potential path for the cradle before Steve even gets to the roof. Clint spots the truck and directs Cap after it.

“You’re not a match for him, Cap,” warns Clint.

“Thanks, Barton,” gripes Steve. 

Nat hates being on the jet while watching Steve have a fight with an opponent he can’t beat. He loses his shield and that’s it. She’s useless up here. She doesn’t have to say anything, Clint’s already maneuvering them into position and she picks a ride and hits the button to open the bay doors. “We got a window. Four, three… give 'em hell.”

He drops her and a motorcycle onto the street. She leans down to grab the shield, “I’m always picking up after you boys.”

She lets Clint direct her and passes the shield up to Steve. She dodges pedestrians as she tries to track their path. “Clint, can you draw out the guards?”

“Let’s find out,” he says. A few minutes later he says, “Heading back towards you. So whatever you’re gonna do, do it now.”

“I'm going in,” she says, “Cap, can you keep him occupied?”

Steve snipes, “What do you think I've been doing?” She’s too busy surfing a motorcycle to argue. The guards pick up the truck with her in it. 

“The package is airborne. I have a clean shot.”

“Negative. I am still in the truck.” 

She can practically hear his blood pressure going up, “What the hell are you –?”

“Just be ready,” she snaps, “I'm sending the package to you.”

He gets on board, “How do you want me to take it?”

“Uhh, you might wish you hadn't asked that.” 

“I lost him! He's headed your way!” Nat bites back a complaint about Steve’s one job. A really hard job, sure, but kind of the most important one they had at the moment.

Clint is right behind her, in position, “Nat, we gotta go.”

She sets the charge, cuts the line, jumps. It’s all perfect. Just the way it absolutely needs to be. The cradle touches down. She’s home free. 

A hand wraps around her ankle and pulls with inhuman strength. “Nat–”

She can see the Quinjet veer left and reach max speed. It doesn’t circle back for her. It doesn’t stop to pick up Steve. And then Nat loses consciousness. 

Nat wakes up tied up. The way Ultron speaks is unsettling. It’s disjointed, a little rambling. The cadence is wrong. It’s just enough like Tony to be extra weird. “I wasn't sure you'd wake up. I hoped you would, I wanted to show you something. I don't have anyone else. I think a lot about meteors, the purity of them. Boom! The end, start again. The world made clean for the new man to rebuild. I was meant to be new. I was meant to be beautiful. The world would've looked to the sky and seen hope, seen mercy. Instead they'll look up in horror because of you. You've wounded me. I give you full marks for that. But, like the man said, ‘What doesn't kill you…’” A new body smashes the old body, just feet from her, “‘…just makes me stronger.’” He closes the bars, locking her in some kind of cell. 

Nat has to dislocate her shoulder and relocate it to get out of the bindings. It hurts like a motherfucking bitch. But it’s worth it because of the radio. She might not be Tony Stark, but she could get a message out. She just prays that someone's still listening.

Nat’s not sure she’s necessarily expecting Steve or Clint, but she’s definitely not expecting them to send Bruce. “Natasha! You alright?”

“Yeah,” she says”

“The team’s in the city,” he says, “It’s about to light up.”

“I don't suppose you found a key lying around somewhere?” 

“Yeah, I did,” he holds up a Chitauri laser and she stands way the hell back.

She smiles as she steps out of the cell, “So what’s our play?”

“I'm here to get you to safety.” God, he’s really having his action hero moment today. As Banner for once. She wishes she were that kind of girl, that could let herself be rescued and swept to safety, “Job's not finished.”

“We could help with the evacuation, but I can't be in a fight near civilians,” he says, “And you've done plenty. Our fight is over, Cap’s orders.”

And this is it. He’s going, and he wants her to go with him, “So we just disappear?”

They stare at one another, but  neither of them move. The ground does for them, shaking under their feet. Ultron’s manifesto rings out over the sound of a city being uprooted. “We gotta move,” warns Bruce.

“You’re not going to turn green?”

“I’ve got a really compelling reason not to lose my cool,” he says, touching her arm.

“Oh Bruce,” she says, “Cap’s orders are going to have to kiss my ass. You are a good man, and I really wish I didn’t have to do this.”

“What? Nat, what–?”

She pushes Bruce over the ledge they’re standing nearest to. “I need the other guy. Let’s finish the job.” She does something she’s never dared to do before. She knows on some level Bruce can tell friend from foe. She holds out her hand like she does for the lullaby, but this time she climbs into his palm. This is probably one of the deadliest places in the entire world, but he doesn’t squish her. He carries her up to the part of the city that’s coming unmoored. He sets her down incredibly roughly, but Nat can handle that, “Okay, go be a hero. I know you can.” He roars and takes off.

Nat runs in the other direction, she doesn’t have an earpiece, so she can’t keep tabs on the team. She follows the sounds of screaming and destruction until she gets to the edge of the city and she sees Cap and Thor. 

She sees Ulton take Thor and there’s nothing she can do about that but hope Thor can look after himself for a minute. She narrowly misses losing half her skull, both from the ultron-bot she’s fighting and because Cap’s shield flies into it, “Romanoff!”

“Thanks!” She picks up his shield and uses it, flipping it back to him for the kill shot.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m an Avenger,” she says, “And so is Bruce, and if you bench me again, I’m gonna really lose it, Cap.”

Steve sighs, “We have a Code Green, and Romanoff’s in play.” To her he says, “Tony built a new less evil Ultron, we think, and the Maximoffs are with us.”

“Details later,” she says, and she really wants them. 

They get to work moving civilians. He gives her an earpiece, “The next wave's gonna hit any minute. What have you got, Stark?”

“Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city. That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear.”

“I asked for a solution, not an escape plan.”

“Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We're going to have to make a choice.”

Nat hates having to be the realistic one. But Steve just sees everything so black and white sometimes, “Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock…”

“Not 'til everyone's safe.” 

She’s not sure if she wants to kiss him or strangle him, “Everyone up here versus everyone down there? There's no math there.”

“I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it.”

God, she wishes it didn’t bother her that he doesn’t always assume the best in her, “I didn't say we should leave.” He looks up sharply. She shrugs, “There's worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?”

Her comms crackle to life. Fury says, “Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It's about to get better.” Nat’s view of the world falling away around them is blocked by a helicarrier. “Nice, right? I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do.”

Steve sighs next to her. “Fury, you son of a bitch.”

Nick cackles, “Oooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Nat looks over at Steve and touches her comm to mute herself, “I don’t know about your mother, but you’re gonna kiss me with that mouth.”

He does. 

Pietro clears his throat, suddenly next to them, “This is S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“This is what S.H.I.E.L.D.'s supposed to be,” says Steve.

“This is not so bad,” Pietro allows.

“Let's load 'em up,” orders Steve.

Nat hears Maria and Rhodey  on the comms now. She looks at Steve, “Promise me you’re getting on that ship the second the last person in this city does.”

“When the last person in this city does,” repeats Steve. “Go.” Nat runs for the nearest big truck that looks semi operational.

Tony says, “ Avengers? Time to work for a living. Romanoff, you and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini.” So maybe Clint managed to keep his mouth shut while she was being kidnapped. She’s more surprised Steve kept his cool.

“Relax,” she says, “Not all of us can fly.” She stops the truck when she sees the others, “What's the drill?”

Tony points at the Vibranium core, “This is the drill. If Ultron gets a hand on the core, we lose.”

“Got it.”

They fight off the initial volley, and yeah it feels a little good to be back. Thor shouts, “Is that the best you can do?” Ten times as many robots swarm in.

Steve sighs, “You had to ask.”

“This is the best I can do. This is exactly what I wanted. All of you, against all of me. How could you possibly hope to stop me?”

Tony says, “Well, like the old man said.” That makes Steve turn around to look at Tony, “Together.”

Nat assumes the red dude with the gem in his forehead is the new murder-bot and it goes after source-Ultron. Thor and Tony go after them. Nat’s too busy not-dying to keep close tabs on how they’re doing until Hulk knocks Ultron over the edge of the city.

The robots stop fighting and start running, “They'll try to leave the city.”

Tony yells, “ We can't let 'em, not even one. Rhodey!”

“I'm on it.” Nat spins, looking up, she didn’t even know Rhodey was here.

Murder-bot goes in to do the job for him.

“We gotta move out.” says Steve urgently, “Even I can tell the air is getting thin. You guys get to the boats, I'll sweep for stragglers, be right behind you.” And yeah, Nat can feel it. She’s not sure about Bruce or Wanda, but she and Clint definitely are going to be in danger of passing out if they don’t get out of this city.

Clint asks, “What about the core?”

Wanda says firmly, “I'll protect it. It's my job. Get the people on the boats.”

Nat turns to Steve, “Hey, Cap. Look at me.”

He does. She gives him her most Widow look, “You are getting on a ship and leaving this city, remember?”

He nods. She goes with Clint. 

He’s talking about his stupid never ending home renos like they aren’t driving for their lives, “I know what I need to do. The dining room! If I knock out that east wall, it'll make a nice work space for Laura, huh? Put up some baffling, she can't hear the kids running around, what do you think?”

She can play along, “You guys always eat in the kitchen anyway.” 

“No one eats in a dining room.” They get where they need to, and Nat hears Bruce nearby. She can’t put The Hulk on a civilian lifeboat. Clint stops the car, “We don't have a lot of time.”

“So get your ass on a boat,” she says, bailing out of the car. “Hey, big guy. Sun’s getting real low.” 

A jet flies over them and sprays gunfire around them. Bruce roars but instead of killing her, he picks her up. He drops her on top of the helicarrier, sets her down with all the gentleness of a child, and keeps going. She sits up, and he’s already gone.

Nat watches as the city starts falling. Thor and Stark are still there. “Cap–?”

“I’m on,” he says. “Barely.”

Nat stands and she runs for a monitor. She patches into the Quinjet, “Hey, Big Guy. We did it. The job’s finished. Now I need you to turn this bird around, okay? We can't track you in stealth mode, so help me out. I need you to–” Bruce turns her off. Nat stares blankly at the screen. Okay. This is not the worst thing. As long as he doesn’t go too Hulk, the Quinjet will go for a long way. Probably long enough that he’ll be Bruce again somewhere. He’ll get in touch. She hasn’t lost him, not really. 

Steve finds her there, three hours later. “Romanoff?”

“I lost Bruce,” she whispers, “If I’d listened, he wouldn’t have been in the city, he’d be Bruce right now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” says Steve, “You were right. You’re Avengers." 

Stark Tower is destroyed. Again. 

Clint goes home to his wife.

Tony starts building upstate. Well, it turns out he’s been building upstate. But the world is a lot more conflicted about their program than it’s ever been. So the move out of the city is good. It keeps them all busy.

Without Clint around, Nat withdraws. She knows that’s a bad habit of hers. So she spends a few weeks moping, sue her. 

Steve tries. They all try. She overhears Clint and Cap on the phone, wondering if Clint should come up there. After that, she tries a little harder too. 

She gets a video from Laura. “Say hi to Auntie Nat.” Nathaniel Pietro Barton. Cause yeah, Clint took that kid’s death hard. Nat saves the video and she watches it every day for a while.

Nick promises they’re looking for Bruce, and he does come find her when there’s a possible sighting, and then when there’s possible wreckage. They joke about getting post cards she knows she won’t get, not that she really has an address. 

Steve tells her he’s staying for a while, and asks for her help. That helps.

She asks Nick, “Did you know? What we’d become?”

“You never know,” Nick says, “You hope for the best and make do with what you get. I got a great team.”

“Nothing lasts forever,” she says. Because without Bruce, are they really what they were before?

“Trouble, Miss Romanoff,” Fury says, “No matter who wins or loses, trouble still comes around.”

She sits with that for a bit. 

Thor leaves to track other Infinity Stones, with instructions to call or write or send an intergalactic carrier pigeon. The same day,  Tony goes back to the city to be with Pepper.

She doesn’t say goodbye to either of them. She’s out of goodbyes.

“You want to keep staring at the wall, or do you want to go to work? I mean, it's a pretty interesting wall.”

Nat turns to face him, she smiles, and it almost doesn’t feel forced, “I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other's eyes.” That earns her an eyeroll, “How do we look?”

“Well, we're not the '27 Yankees.” He hands her a tablet as they walk. Nat scrolls through the files, he’s done all this while she’s been feeling sorry for herself.

“We've got some hitters,” she says.

“They're good,” he agrees, “They're not a team.”

She smiles, for real this time, “Let's beat 'em into shape.”

He smiles and pushes open the door to their new training facility. Rhodey, Vision, Sam, and Wanda are waiting for them.  

Steve calls them to order, “Avengers! Welcome. You’re about to get your ass kicked by Black Widow.”

Nat stretches, “Aw you got me a present, you shouldn’t have, Cap. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Chapter Text

Steve doesn’t knock on her bedroom door. He walks through it. “Nat?” She’d been asleep, but she’s awake and alert the second he steps in the room.

She sits up, “If you woke me up to get laid, you can think again, buddy.” They’re not together , but since Ultron a year ago, they’ve gotten into a bit of a habit. Aside from Sam, Clint, and Nat’s pretty sure Fury, no one knows. 

He turns on the light, he’s in his suit. “Sorry, Romanoff, this one’s business.” 

She slides out of bed, “Where are we going?”

“Lagos,” he says, “Rumlow’s there.”

Nat strips off her t-shirt, smiling to herself when he stares. “Up high or down low?”

“Not sure yet,” he says. She grabs a civilian outfit and a tac-suit. “I’m bringing Sam and Wanda.”

She pulls on the civilian clothes, “Is there a plan, or are we doing that on the jet?”

“I figure we’ll have more intel by the time we get there.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” she mocks him. 

Sam makes a face when they come out of her room, “Really?”

“Oh relax,” Nat says, “I’ve been awake for… three whole minutes. Why were you even up, Cap?”

Steve shrugs, “Burning some energy at the gym.”

Sam and Wanda don’t seem particularly nervous on the flight. Nat’s not sure if that makes her nervous or not. 

By the time they’re finding a place to land, Maria – or someone who works for Maria – has suggested a target to intercept. Nat takes Wanda to stake out the street from the ground. Steve and Sam take the high ground.

Steve is in trainer mode, “All right, what do you see?”

Nat’s a few tables away at the same sidewalk cafe, she lets Wanda report back first, “Standard beat cops. Small station. Quiet street. It’s a good target.”

Steve prompts for more, “There’s an ATM in the south corner, which means…?”

“Cameras.” 

“Both cross streets are one way,” says Steve.

“So, compromised escape routes,” and she’s learning.

“Means our guy doesn't care about being seen, he isn't afraid to make a mess on the way out. You see that Range Rover halfway up the block?”

Wanda has, kind of, “Yeah, the red one? It’s cute.”

“It's also bulletproof,” says Nat, unable to hold her tongue any longer, “Which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us.” 

Wanda has mastered the art of talking to them without looking at them at least, “You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?”

Steve’s instructor energy is contagious, because now she’s doing it, “Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature.”

Sam complains, “Anybody ever tell you you're a little paranoid?”

“Not to my face,” Nat jokes back, “Why? Did you hear something?”

She knows Steve’s stressed about this one, because he doesn’t join in. “Eyes on target, folks. This is the best lead we've had on Rumlow in six months. I don't want to lose him.”

“If he sees us coming that won't be a problem,” Sam points out, “He kind of hates us.”

Steve’s voice is suddenly urgent, “Sam, see that garbage truck? Tag it.”

“That truck’s loaded for max weight.” Sam reports back, “And the driver’s armed.”

Nat sits up straighter, “It’s a battering ram.” Their intel was wrong, or faulty. 

“Go now,” orders Steve.

Wanda looks to her for some guidance, “What?”

“He’s not hitting the police,” says Steve. 

Nat goes, because she already knows she’ll be the last one there. She runs for the motor cycle stashed two blocks over and follows the sound of crashing, then gunfire. “Someone talk to me!”

“It’s the Infectious disease building,” Sam says, “It’s gotta be some kinda bioterrorism thing.”

Steve must actually get to the scene then, because he gives details, “Body armor, AR-15's. I make seven hostiles.”

Sam is starting to sound cocky, “I make five.” 

Nat sees Wanda go sailing overhead and out of sight, “Sam.”

“Four,” Sam announces. Then, “Rumlow’s on the third floor.”

Steve gives them new orders, “Wanda, just like we practiced.”

“What about the gas?”

“Get it out,” he suggests. 

“Rumlow has a biological weapon.”

“I’m on it,” promises Nat, seeing the armored truck. She tosses the bike aside at some incoming support, and goes for the guards. She’s kicking ass, as usual, until Rumlow grabs her by the hair and shirt and pulls her onto the roof of the vehicle. She jabs him with an electrodisk and he doesn’t flinch, even though she hit between the mask and the suit. He growls, “I don't work like that no more.” 

He throws her inside the – for lack of a better word – tank, with two of his guys, drops a grenade in after her, and shuts the hatch. “Fire in the hole.”

She kicks up at the first guard, and puts the second one between herself and the grenade. They both slam into the rear doors, which blow open. Nat lands hard, air knocked from her lungs, forcing her to stay down. She hears another series of explosions.

“Sam.” Steve sounds like he’s been hit too, “He's in an AFV heading north.”

Nat hauls herself to her feet and runs back to her motorcycle. She’s even more pissed off now than before. Someone dropped the ball on this one.

Sam reports, “I got four, they're splitting up.”

When the street gets too congested, Nat stands on her bike. Last time she did this one a mission an android had taken her hostage. But she doesn’t have time to think about that, jumping up on top of the cars on the street, “I got the two on the left.”

“They ditched their gear,” advises Steve, “It's a shell game now. One of them has the payload.”

Nat ducks as an explosion happens thirty feet in the air, she keeps running.

“He doesn't have it. I’m empty,” reports Sam.

“Out of the way!” Nat knocks a civilian aside as she chases down her target. She gets into a standoff with one of her two opponents, but the second one comes up with the vial. “Drop it. Or I’ll drop this. Drop it!”

“He'll do it!” Nat sees Sam’s drone behind the one with the vial. It fires. Nat shoots and lunges for the vial. 

“Payload secure. Thanks, Sam.”

Sam says, “Don't thank me.”

Nat glares at the drone, “I’m not thanking that thing.”

“His name is Redwing,” insists Sam. 

“I'm still not thanking it,” she says.

“He's cute.” Sam says, daring her, “Go ahead, pet him.” 

Nat turns back towards where she thinks Steve is still engaged with Rumlow, just in time to see Rumlow lifted into the air by Wanda, mid explosion. And into the nearest building. At least two floors explode. Nat sees Wanda cover her face, horrified.

“Oh my – Sam. We need… Fire and Rescue. On the south side of the building. We gotta get up there. 

Nat runs to catch him, “Cap!”

She grabs his arm so he doesn’t run off. “Hey, we gotta secure whatever the hell this is and get Wanda out of here. You and Sam, do what you can and meet us at the rendezvous point, okay?”

He nods and she lets go. 

“I didn’t mean to.” 

“I know,” Nat says, “I know. Come on, malyutka.” 

Sam and Steve look grim when they return to the jet. Nat can tell Steve doesn’t want to talk yet, so she takes manual control of the jet, just for something to do.

Everyone goes to their own rooms to clean up, and when Steve doesn’t join her in the shower or come looking for her, Nat finds him in his office. But he doesn’t invite her in, or seem to notice her, so she leaves him be. 

He lets himself into her room at 2am, wearing a pair of sweats and scraped knuckles that Nat knows had been fine on the jet home from Nigeria. 

This time he leaves the lights off. She doesn’t sit up as he crawls into the bed, just kicks off the blankets. They don’t talk as he hovers over her. She reaches up to run a hand through his hair. His eyes close at her touch. She draws back her leg, lets her foot run down the line of his calf. 

His kiss is bruising. This is not adrenaline after a fight. This is like the time at Clint’s. This is pain and grief. 

Nat pushes the shorts she wore to bed down to her knees, kicking them off the rest of the way and then puts her arms around Steve’s neck and holds tight. He pulls off his sweats and she squeezes his hips between her knees, “Yeah. It’s okay. Do it.”

That makes him pause for a second. “Nat, I –”

“I want you,” she whispers against his ear, kissing the little bit of skin just below, “I want you, Steve. Just fuck me.”

His first thrust fills her. The second thrust knocks all the air from her body. She’s sore from being blown up, but she doesn’t care. If he’d seen that part of the fight, he probably wouldn’t have even thought to come to work through his feelings in this way. 

He spills inside of her, and then just keeps going, leaving her gasping. She’s already had two orgasms herself and at this rate she’s barrelling towards a third. She bites into his bicep in reaction to a particularly sensitive thrust that sends her reeling and shaking through another orgasm and he doesn’t so much as flinch. He comes a second time with a low groan. 

She pulls him so he falls on top of her. Her shirt is bunched up around her armpits from where he held her breasts without taking off her shirt, but she doesn’t care. She strokes Steve’s hair, and murmurs nonsense reassurances in his ear in Russian that she knows he understands even if he usually pretends not to.  

“Go to sleep,” she encourages in English, though she usually never intentionally lets him sleep over after sex, “Just close your eyes, Tony will be here tomorrow and we’ll figure things out together.”

He shifts slights so that they’re laying next to one another and he’s not squishing her into the mattress. She takes a deep breath, then keeps up her attention to his hair. “Just sleep, Steve, I’ve got you.”

She wakes up to him leaving. He doesn’t say anything, or look at her really, so she stays in bed. He’s not in the kitchen when she makes herself breakfast, so she goes back to her room and soaks the deep aches from her body in a hot bath. 

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Nat looks up, sees Steve, Wanda, and Vision. “Stark’s here with the Secretary of State.”

“Great,” Nat says. “I’ll get Sam and Rhodey.” 

“Wait,” he says, “Wanda, Vis, you go. I’ll meet you all down there.”

Nat crosses her arms, “Don’t be too hard on her, Cap.”

He blinks, “Nat, if you think I’m blamin’ anyone but myself for this one –”

“It’s not your fault either,” Nat says, “If she wasn’t there, that asshole would’ve blown up on the ground. It was crowded, there were civilians everywhere. You’d be dead, and so would a lot more people. Maybe we should have done a better job containing the fight. But we did our best at the time.”

He kisses her far more softly than she’s expecting. “Thank you. And I’m sorry if I was a little rough last night.”

She smirks, “Don’t worry, Rogers. I like you a little rough. I can take it.” She stretches up to kiss his cheek, “Better not keep Tony waiting, he might stop paying the light bill.”

They gather in the conference room and Tony’s never looked this unhappy to see her. And that’s saying something, because he once fired her on sight. 

Ross is a droner, “...The world owes the Avengers an un-payable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives; but while a great many people see you as heroes, there are some…  who would prefer the word ‘vigilantes’.”

Nat narrows her eyes at him, she doesn’t like where this seems to be going, “And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?” 

Secretary Ross suggests, “How about ‘dangerous’? What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

Ross activates a screen behind him and shows news footage from Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Greatest Hits reel, “New York. Washington DC.” Rhodey looks over his shoulder at her. Nat’s not sure she’s ready to apologize for these two fights that saved millions of lives. “Sokovia.” And yeah, technically that one was on Tony and Bruce, but they were all one team no matter who went rogue. “Lagos.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” says Steve because Wanda’s clearly upset. Ross shuts down his little presentation. 

Ross says, “For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution.” He sets down a thick piece of paper. “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries – it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.” And Nat’s no expert, but she’s been sent to meddle enough times to know the nations of the world don’t work that quickly. The colloquialism Sokovia Accords might be new, but this has been years in the making. 

Steve bristles, “The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place. I feel we've done that.”

“Tell me, Captain,” Ross says, “Do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?” Steve doesn’t answer, because no. They don’t. “If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes – you can bet there'd be consequences. Compromise. Reassurance. That's how the world works. Believe me, this is the middle ground.” 

Rhodey speaks government better than any of them, “So, there are contingencies?”

“Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords,” says Ross. “Talk it over.”

She likes to know all the options before she makes a decision, “And if we come to a decision you don't like?”

“Then you retire.” Of course. Get on board or get lost. 

Steve picks up the Accords and starts reading. Nat covers a smile with her hand, it is so like Steve to get to the fine print on everything. 

Sam barely waits for the door to close behind Ross as they gather in the dining room, “Well we aren’t doin’ that.”

Rhodey turns his chair, “What? No, you heard Ross, this is the option, Sam.”

Nat looks from Tony to Steve as Rhodey and Sam get up to yell at one another. She has a sneaking suspicion she knows where each of them lie on this. And she was already a little worried about what that meant for her. Sam and Rhodey go round and round for probably half an hour before things start getting a little personal.

“Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor, which is one more than you have.” 

“So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

“A hundred and seventeen countries want to sign this. One hundred seventeen, Sam, and you're just like, ‘No, that's cool. We got it.’” Nat sees Tony looking like he’s got a migraine. Steve flips another page. 

Sam asks, “How long are you going to play both sides?”

“I have an equation.” It’s been a year, but Nat still expects JARVIS when she hears Vision.

Sam throws up his hands, “Oh, this will clear it up.”

“In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially.” says Vision, “And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.”

Steve looks over the top of his reading, he’s gotten pretty far into it and for the first time in four years Nat wonders if he’s also a super reader post-serum, “Are you saying it's our fault?”

“I'm saying there may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict… breeds catastrophe. Oversight – oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.”

Rhodes nods, “Boom.”

Nat is going to need to hear from the guy footing the bill and leading that statistic, “Tony. You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal.” He takes his hand off his face but doesn’t talk.

Steve speaks for him, "It's because he's already made up his mind.”

“Boy, you know me so well.” Tony sits up and he definitely looks like he’s hurting. “Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache.” He goes to the kitchen to make coffee. But Nat thinks Steve might be right. “That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. It's discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

Tony puts his phone on a cradle and projects the image of a smiling young man, and makes a big show of pointing out the photo, “Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.”

And yeah that is a tough pill. “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.” Tony pops an ibuprofen – Nat hopes– and swallows it. “There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.”

Steve sighs, “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up.”

Tony crosses his arms, “Who said we're giving up?”

“ We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions.” Steve sets the document down on the table, “This document just shifts the blame.”

Rhodey’s nicer to Steve than he was to Sam, “I'm sorry. Steve. That – that is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not S.H.I.E.L.D., it's not HYDRA.”

“No, but it's run by people with agendas, and agendas change,” he’s been through it enough to know. 

“That's good . That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.” Nat doesn’t point out that Tony didn’t really stop manufacturing weapons. That’s not going to be helpful right now. 

“Tony, you chose to do that,” Steve says, “If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.” Nat hears those questions, she does. But Ross was pretty clear about the alternatives. 

Tony’s next words are exactly that, “If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later. That's the fact. That won't be pretty.”

Wanda says quietly, “You're saying they'll come for me?” And Nat never once got to be a normal person, but she’s brutally aware that Wanda’s twenty six years old, and just experiencing adult life really for the first time. 

“We would protect you,” says Vision. Nat was a little freaked out by their close friendship. She wasn’t sure if it was the mind stone, joining the team around the same time, or what, but while Nat couldn’t ever see Vision as quite a person, they spent hours together. 

“Maybe Tony's right,” says Nat. Tony looks up surprised that she’s taking his side. She ignores that and looks at Steve. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off –”

Sam looks like she’s grown another head, “Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?”

Nata did in fact do that. That felt like two thousand bad decisions ago. “I'm just – I'm reading the terrain. We have made… some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

Tony leans closer, “Focus up. I'm sorry – did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?”

Nat wishes she didn’t have to, “Oh, I want to take it back now.”

He shakes his head, “No, no, no. You can't retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case closed – I win.”

Steve checks his texts. “I have to go.” Nat watches him drop the Accords on the table in front of him and walk out. Everyone stares after him. 

Nat gets up, “Hang – hang on a second, guys.” She walks in the direction Steve went, but he’s gone.

She turns, and she can see through the glass that the debate is continuing on. Nat goes to the roof to be in the wind, and she hopes she’ll see Steve come back from wherever. 

Only, he doesn’t. He doesn’t pick up her calls. Or her texts.

Sam knocks on her door the next morning, “I’m leavin’.”

Nat stands, “Is he okay? Where is he?”

Sam shrugs helplessly, “I can’t, Nat. I’m sorry.” 

Most of the tech and resource people leave that day too. 

It takes a lot to hide from Natasha Romanoff, and she knows Steve’s not really trying. She flies to London.

Nat puts on a black dress and stands at the back, she’s not here to be seen. “...Compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move…. it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say ‘No, you move.’” And Nat knows Steve will not be convinced, will not be changing his mind, he will hold these words from Peggy Carter from beyond the grave and bolster his already iron-clad convictions. And she’ll just have to accept that.

Nat stands patiently at the door. She nods politely to Sharon. “I’m sorry about your Aunt.”

Sam stands next to her, watching the church empty, “If you’re here to convince us –” 

“I’m not,” she promises. “I’ve got him for now. Promise.”

Sam hesitates, then nods. And then, Steve’s the last one. 

He turns around as she approaches, “When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone. Then I found out that she was alive. I was just lucky to have her.”

“She had you back, too.” Nat says. “We have what we have when we have it.” She’s talking about him and Peggy, about the Avengers. She’s also talking about the two of them. 

He picks the Avengers. “Who else signed?”

Nat wishes they didn’t have to have this conversation here. “Tony. Rhodey. Vision.”

Steve asks, “Clint?” 

“Says he's retired.” They had a spirited discussion while she was on the jet. But she can’t say she’s unhappy that Clint’s staying with his kids and wife while all this shakes out.

“Wanda?”

“TBD,” Nat says. He doesn’t ask, so she just tells him, “I'm off to Vienna for the signing of the Accords. There's plenty of room on the jet.”

Steve sighs and bows his head. She touches his arm, “Just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't mean it's the wrong path. Staying together is more important than how we stay together.” He looks up and she wants him to agree. She wants to feel better about what she’s saying. 

“What are we giving up to do it?” 

She sighs. She knew that would be his stance. He sounds tired. Sad. “I'm sorry, Nat. I can't sign.”

She nods, “I know.” 

He almost smiles, “Then what are you doing here?”

The truth feels fragile now, but she sets it between them like a grenade. “I didn't want you to be alone.” 

Steve’s lip trembles. Just slightly. She reaches for him, “Come here.”

He’s going to be a fugitive after this. They hold each other for a long time.

Nat pulls back slightly, “Brought you something.”

She holds out a new burner phone, “Take Sam, go deep. But if I hear anything about – you know – I’ll call, okay? And my number’s in there. Emergencies only , Rogers.”

He pulls her up for a kiss, “You’re sure you won’t come with us?”

“The others are going to need me,” Nat says, “But this time – God I want to, Cap.” She kisses him again, “But I gotta go.”

He nods and pockets the phone. “Nat?”

She waits for him to say something else. “Be careful.”

“You too,” she whispers. She waves as she leaves and spots Sam waiting across the street. He sighs and waves too. And Nat cries on the jet. 

Natasha moves through Vienna in a bit of a haze – at least for her. People hand her things to sign, she signs them. They direct her to stand and take a picture, she does. 

“I suppose neither of us is used to the spotlight.” Nat looks at the man addressing her. He’s young, handsome, and has a very pleasing accent that she would pin as South African, though she’s not sure she can specifically say where it’s from. 

She smiles, “Oh, well, it's not always so flattering.”

“You seem to be doing alright so far,” he observes, “Considering your last trip to Capitol Hill – I wouldn't think you would be particularly comfortable in this company.”

“Well, I'm not,” she admits with a smile.

“That alone makes me glad you're here, Miss Romanoff,” he says.

And that’s something interesting, “Why? You don't approve of all this?”

“The Accords, yes. The politics, not really. Two people in a room can get more done than a hundred.”

From behind her another voice adds, “Unless you need to move a piano.”

Her new friend smiles at the newcomer, the King of Wakanda, “Baba.” And oh shit, a million cameras have pictures of her talking to Prince T'Challa.  

King T'Chaka says something she doesn’t understand in greeting to his son. Then he regards her, “Miss Romanoff.” 

Nat wasn’t specifically asked to, but Ross hadn’t exactly needed to say that she should do whatever she could to smooth things over with them. “King T'Chaka. Please, allow me to apologize for what happened in Nigeria.” It’s not work, because she does feel sorry. 

“Thank you,” says King T’Chaka, “Thank you for agreeing to all this. I'm sad to hear that Captain Rogers will not be joining us today.”

“Yes, so am I,” says Nat, and she hopes the feeling she has of stinging tears in her eyes isn’t reflected anywhere on her face. 

“If everyone could please be seated. This assembly is now in session.”

“That is the future calling,” announces T’Challa, “Such a pleasure.” 

He nods to her and she leaves them be. “Thank you.

Nat takes her seat as King T’Chaka addresses the UN. They brought Wakanda into the world when Ultron stole vibranium mined from their country and used it to build a body for himself  in Sokovia. And now eleven of their citizens are killed in Lagos. “... We will fight to improve the world we wish to join. I am grateful to the Avengers for supporting this initiative. Wakanda is proud to extend its hand in peace –”

Nat hears raised voices from the street but she can’t see without getting up. An instant later, T'Challa screams, “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”

No one has any time to get down. The building is rocked by an explosion outside, and the windows explode. 

Nat sits up, sees T’Challa cradling his father and weeping. Her heart sinks. She gets up and starts evacuating the other survivors. 

When she’s barred from going back in, she sees him sitting on a bench. She doesn’t want to crowd him so she sits on the next nearest one. He has a cut on his forehead, but he looks otherwise very good for a man who ran towards an explosion that’s killed twelve people so far. “I’m very sorry.”

He looks over at her, “In my culture death is not the end. It's more of a… stepping-off point. You reach out with both hands and Bast and Sekhmet, they lead you into the green veldt where… you can run forever.”

“That sounds very peaceful,” she says. 

T'Challa bows his head, “My father thought so. I am not my father.” He stands.

Nat doesn’t like that tone. It’s one she’s used to hearing. “T'Challa. Task force will decide who brings in Barnes.”

“Don't bother, Miss Romanoff. I'll kill him myself.” He walks away before she can even begin to warn him off that path.

Nat’s burner phone rings, “Yeah?”

“You alright?” 

“Ah, yeah, thanks. I got lucky.” They both know he shouldn’t be calling her. She stands up scanning, but he’s not really there and she knows it, “I know how much Barnes means to you. I really do. Stay home. You'll only make this worse. For all of us. Please.”

“Are you saying you'll arrest me?”

“No.” She can’t fathom doing that, “Someone will, if you interfere. That's how it works now.”

Steve  says, “If he's this far gone, Nat, I should be the one to bring him in.” 

She sighs, “Why?” 

“Because I'm the one least likely to die trying.” He hangs up, and while Nat can’t fault that logic, she hates it.  

“Shit.” Nat takes out her regular phone, “Hey. I don’t know what we do now or how we do it, but I know we have a big problem.”

Rhodey sighs, “Let me guess, six feet tall, closing in on a hundred?”

“I don’t know who makes the calls right now,” says Nat, “But when they ask, tell them I got hurt, I don’t care. I don’t want in on this one. Please.”

“I don’t know if we get to choose anymore, Romanoff.” And wasn’t that exactly what Steve was saying all along?

Chapter Text

Rhodey goes to the confrontation. She gets the after-action report from her hotel room. Nat smiles to herself to keep from crying again. She remembers their first mission together. Remembers Bruce arguing with her. “Captain America’s on a threat watch?”

Bruce is lost. Cap’s arrested in Romania with Bucky and Sam.

The world is looking like a very ugly place.

Clint calls. And Tony. 

She sends them both to voicemail. 

And turns out, Prince T’Challa’s more than a grieving son.

Nat’s not surprised when she gets a knock at her door from Sharon Carter and the CIA’s Deputy Task Force Commander Everett Ross. 

She’s not under arrest. But she’s also not free to decline their invitation to Berlin.

Steve’s dressed in civvies when they bring him and Sam in. She falls in step next to Steve, “For the record, this is what making things worse looks like.”

“He's alive,” says Steve, because of course that’s what he cares about.

Tony is still on the phone. He was here before her, and he’s been on the phone the entire time. “...No. Romania was not Accords-sanctioned. And, Colonel Rhodes is supervising cleanup.”

Nat advises, “Try not to break anything while we fix this.”

She wishes Tony would yell in his phone somewhere else, “Consequences? You bet there'll be consequences. Obviously you can quote me on that 'cause I just said it. Anything else? Thank you, sir.” He hangs up. 

Steve asks, “'Consequences'?”

Tony explains, “Secretary Ross wants you both prosecuted. Had to give him something.”

Steve frowns, “I'm not getting that shield back, am I?”

Nat has to go in with T’Challa, she turns around, walking backwards, just glad to see both of them, “Technically, it's the government's property. Wings, too.” 

Sam shakes his head, “That's cold.”

Tony calls over his shoulder, “Warmer than jail.”

She sits down across from the new King of Wakanda, “So I guess when you said you’d do it yourself, you meant you’d do it yourself .”

“You are not used to the truth, are you?” And no, she’s really not.

“I got a look at your suit,” says Nat. “Vibranium weave, I’m very impressed.” He looks very unimpressed by the conversation. “You realize this puts you under the Accords’ jurisdiction?”

“How long do your psychological evaluations usually take?” 

Nat doesn’t correct the assumption he’s made. “Why, you bored?”

“Not currently,” he says, “But my prisoner and I have a plane to catch.” And oh boy, she’s about to have to deliver some really bad news.

“I realize you’re not one for politics, but I think there’s a chance you may be being a bit naive.”

But her point is completely undermined when Commander Ross comes to the door, slow clapping, “Congratulations, Your Highness. He got extradition.”

T’Challa smirks at her – in a very kingly way, she’s impressed, “Yes, Ms. Romanoff, I am sure I have much to learn.”

Nat stares at him, “What did you give them?”

“Something they wanted,” he says, “You might want to suggest to your Captain that he do the same.”

Tony insists on talking to Steve without her. He says something about an olive branch that she doesn’t understand, but it’s clear to Nat that everyone in this room trusts Tony more than her. She has no leverage.

Things are bad. If they sign now, they’re in the clear.

But Nat knows he won’t. Steve won’t. 

He and Wanda have been un-deputized as Avengers or they’re all done. Not forever, but right now, it’s the only way the Avengers as an institution survives. But she sees Steve storm out of the office they’re in and watches him realize in real time that he has nowhere to go. The Avengers was never about being an institution. It was about being a team.

They bring Sam and Steve in to talk to Sharon next. Nat’s sure that she’s helping Steve, or at least taking things easy on him. She sits in the next room over with a cooling cup of coffee and pretends she and Steve aren’t acutely aware of the single glass wall between them.

A surge goes through the whole facility and an alarm starts the same second the lights go out. Nat stands up. 

Tony is talking to FRIDAY, and people around her are buzzing. She turns her back as Sam and Steve bolt out of the meeting room. New alarms start going off now. Ross is calling for an evacuation, a perimeter, and cover. Nat looks to Tony, “Please tell me you brought a suit.”

“Sure did.” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm, “It's a lovely Tom Ford, three-piece, two-button. I'm an active-duty non-combatant.” Nat believes that like she believes in Santa Claus.

Sharon comes up behind them, doesn’t slow down, “Follow me.” If anyone asks, Nat’s going to claim that she believed Sharon to be speaking on behalf of the United Nations, or at least the United States’ government.

Nat accepts the earpiece and moves to her target, “We’re in position.”

Tony shoots Barnes to stun. Barnes takes that personally. Sharon goes in next, then Nat. Barnes puts his metal arm around her throat, slamming her into a table so hard she’s surprised it remains standing. She chokes, “You could at least recognize me.”

She isn’t expecting T’Challa to join the fight, but she’s glad to not die. She just hopes he doesn’t actually kill Barnes, because she can’t stand to look Steve in the eyes two days in a row while he mourns. 

By the time she’s able to get up, Barnes is gone and Prince T’Challa is left behind. She has yet to get eyes on Steve or Sam. 

Nat is starting to think Steve might not be putting his back into things when she sees the footage of him pulling a helicopter out of take off and back onto the helipad. Surely there have been other missions where that kind of strength could have been useful. 

The three of them get away. 

The aftermath of Berlin is worse. Tony is on a warpath. So is Ross, in a slightly different way. Nat glares at them both, “What happens when the shooting starts? What, do you kill Steve Rogers?”

“If we're provoked. Barnes would've been eliminated in Romania if it wasn't for Rogers. There are dead people who would be alive now. Feel free to check my math.” And that’s the wrong answer as far as Natasha’s concerned. 

Tony doesn’t sound happy either, “All due respect, you're not going to solve this with boys in boots, Ross. You gotta let us bring them in.”

Ross shakes his head, “How would that end any differently from the last time?” 

Tony has that ‘big ideas guy’ salesman swagger, “Because this time, I won't be wearing loafers and a silk shirt. 72 hours, guaranteed. 

“36 hours.” Ross counters, “Barnes. Rogers. Wilson.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Tony calls after him, but the second Ross is gone, he sits forward, “My left arm is numb, is that normal?”

Nat pats him on the shoulder, discreetly giving him a once over. She would not put it past Stark to have either a full on heart attack or the mother of all panic attacks right now. “You alright?”

“Always.” he shakes it off, like he doesn’t look like hell, “36 hours, jeez.”

“We're seriously understaffed,” Nat says. And she should probably tell Tony up front that she’s been sleeping with Steve on and off for two years. She doesn’t. She’ll worry about that when the 36 hours are up. 

Tony nods in agreement, “Oh, yeah. It'd be great if we had a Hulk right about now. Any shot?”

“No.” She looks down at Tony, “You really think he'd be on our side?” 

Tony barely thinks about it, “No.”

“I have an idea,” she says.

He smiles up at her, “Me too. Where's yours?”

“Downstairs. Where's yours?” 

“Queens,” he says, “I’m gonna need to make a run.”

“We’re short on time, Tony,” she warns. “I’ll go talk to the CIA.”

“Meet you tonight,” Tony agrees. 

Nat is not a welcome presence in the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre. She’s a little too terrorist-adjacent. T’Challa is arguably more enhanced than she is, but also a lot more respected, a much softer soft-arrest. 

She asks anxiously, “You really think you can find him?”

“My resources are considerable,” says T’Challa.

She scoffs, “Yeah, it took the world 70 years to find Barnes; so you could probably do that in about half the time.”

T'Challa regards her sharply, “You know where they are.”

That’s categorically not true, so she doesn’t have to lie. “I know someone who does.” Somehow all Sam and Steve’s gear also got away. That’s not a coincidence. 

Tony sends a message he’s held up, and calls in the morning, “You got a lock on our star-spangled friend, or what?”

“I really really wish we didn’t have to do this,” she admits. “But yeah.”

It’s worse than Nat could have ever imagined in her worst nightmares. Tony has the airport evacuated, which is good. Doesn’t stop a fight. If anything, it encourages one.

It’s not just Steve, Sam, and Barnes. Clint and Wanda, and another guy are with them. She wishes they weren’t doing this. But they clearly are, because she’s recruited T’Challa as promised, and Tony turned up this morning with a kid who called himself Spiderman, and Vision. 

Nat isn’t above begging at this point. “Steve. You know what's about to happen. Do you really wanna punch your way out of this one?” He doesn’t answer.

Tony’s taking the clock seriously, “All right, I've run out of patience. Underoos!” Tony’s new teen sidekick nabs the shield. And while that’s impressive, Nat hates that they’re dragging a sixteen year old into this very grown up fight. Even if he is enhanced. And the kid’s a blabbermouth on and off the comms. 

“You’v’e been busy,” says Steve, like their family isn’t falling apart around them.

“And you've been a complete idiot,” counters Tony, “Dragging in Clint. 'Rescuing' Wanda from a place she doesn't even want to leave, a safe place. I'm trying to keep – I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.”

“You did that when you signed,” says Steve sadly. 

“Alright, we’re done,” says Tony. And Natasha’s lived a long time with the goal of not caring about anyone enough to have her heart broken. But the announcement that they’re officially unable to reconcile does it. “You’re gonna turn Barnes over and you’re gonna come with us now , because it’s us or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite.”

Cap looks at her again. His lips move even if no sound comes out. Mne ochen zhal. And then the fight breaks out. 

Steve’s new friend attacks her first, “Look, I really don’t want to hurt you.”

She smiles, “I wouldn't stress about it.” There’s a reason that all the actual Avengers didn’t engage her. She goes for a classic groin hit, and while the guy is surprisingly strong in small form, that also makes him easier to tase. 

Nat watches Wanda bury Tony in parked cars. In every direction there’s a fight happening between someone she considers friends, if not family, and someone else. 

Nat goes running as Cap throws a truck at her. The gas tank explodes around Rhodey, knocking her to the ground. Rhodey growls, “Alright, now I’m pissed.”

Tony grabs her and helps her up. She glares at him, “Is this part of the plan?”

“Well, my plan was to go easy on them. You wanna switch it up?” Not really, if she was being honest.

Everyone gets a little breathing room thanks to the burning truck. Which is almost worse, because both sides group together, 

Nat sees the Quinjet, and realizes that Steve’s trying to get his side out of this fight. But everyone’s staring at the fifty feet of empty space between them. “This is gonna end well,” she says sarcastically.

“They’re not stopping,” Peter says nervously as they head into an all out clash.

“Neither are we,” Tony says. 

Nat knows who she can take in a fight and who she probably can’t without some serious bruises. She runs to Clint. “I thought you were going to stay home.”

“Come on, you weren’t gonna have this party without me, were you, Widow?” 

He pins her and she smiles up at him, “We’re still friends, right?”

He smiles down at her, “Depends how hard you hit me.” Yeah, they’re still friends. 

“Laura’s gonna kill you.” she says, kicking up and spinning. She’s about to kick Clint again and knock him out when her foot stops. Wanda throws her and she lands hard. 

Nat stays on the ground. She doesn’t want to get up. She doesn’t want to be here at all. This is, in fact, the opposite of what she wanted. 

She watches as Steve’s friend goes big and grabs Rhodey out of the sky. Steve’s team goes running. Nat stays perfectly still. No one attacks her. 

Tony’s sounding a little nervous now, “Okay, anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they'd like to disclose, I'm open to suggestions.” Sam hits him in the face with Redwing.

Nat has a clear shot to the hangar. She goes. 

Steve and Barnes are the only ones who get in. Nat sighs, “You’re not gonna stop.”

“You know I can’t.” he says. And if he’s right that there are five more Winter Soldiers in Siberia, he shouldn’t stop. 

She sighs and levels her stun bracer, “I'm gonna regret this.” Barnes looks at Steve incredulously as Steve just braces for it. She shoots T’Challa for the crime of being the first one over the wall of debris. “Go.”

Steve looks as torn as her for a moment. He kisses her in passing, “Fuck, I love you.”

Nat spins, “What?” 

He and Bucky are both running to the jet and he doesn’t look back. Rhodey complains about how young Peter is, and Nat’s starting to agree that however old Peter is, it is not old enough.  T’Challa gets up as the jet starts up and she hits him again. “I said I'd help you find him, not catch him. There's a difference.” The Quinjet clears the fight on the ground. 

She sees Vision check on Wanda. Maybe there’s hope for this family after all. And then Sam dodges Vision whose shot accidentally knocks Rhodey out of the sky covering Cap’s escape. He plummets way too far. Sam lands nearby and Nat can only watch from afar as Tony shoots him. Nat sits down hard. It’s over. Everything is over. 

No one realizes her betrayal in the initial chaos. Tony cares about getting Rhodey stabilized. Nat knows she’s in trouble, there’s no running from it. T’Challa will tell on her and that’ll be it. She waits for Tony to be ready, and she knows the moment he knows what she did.

He gives her the update on Rhodey. It’s bad and it’s probably irreparable. 

“Steve’s not going to stop,” she says, “If you don’t either, Rhodey's gonna be the best case scenario.”

“You let them go, Nat,” he says.

She tries to reason with him, “We played this wrong.”

He’s pissed, “'We'? Boy, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It sticks in the DNA.”

She stares at him. How is she the only one seeing what’s happened here? What will happen if they don’t stop? “Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?” 

Tony ignores that, “T'Challa told Ross what you did, so… they're coming for you.”

“Steve’s in love with me.” Nat says quietly.

Tony freezes, “What? You – you and – how long –?”

“Since DC,” Nat says honestly, “But… Ultron. I guess. I didn’t know  – I thought he’d never feel that way for anyone now. That it was safe to just – that I wouldn’t let him down. I – I believed in us , Tony. In what we built here. You, me, Cap, Clint, Thor, and Bruce. I sided with you because I wanted to keep us going, The Avengers. But you just  – and it’s all ruined now.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, and he means it. “But I don’t think I can’t stop now, Nat. So you gotta watch your back.” 

“I'm not the one that needs to watch their back,” she says, “Goodbye, Tony.”

And maybe she should have just gone with Steve in the first place. But at least she knows she tried with Tony. 

Chapter Text

Secretary Ross comes after her as promised. 

“We got Barton, we got Wilson and that other guy, the incredible shrinking convict. Rogers is on the run. You got no friends. Where you gonna go?

Nat stares at herself in the mirror. An old habit from learning how to control every expression, “I’ve lived a lot of lives before I met you, Ross. You shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble. I’m done.”

He’s right to question that as she hangs up, “Romanoff?”

He’s nowhere close to the right place. She’s three countries away. Again. For now. 

Nat hears later what happened between Steve and Tony. It’s the one phone call before she has to ditch the burner phone number he’s got for her. After that, they’ll have to track one another down again. They don’t talk about what he said at the airport. She can almost convince herself she imagined it. She knows that Steve has Bucky on ice in Wakanda. They don’t talk about where either of them are going, or what they’ll do when they get there.

They don’t talk about how T’Challa is helping Steve now but that the primary charge against her is from her tasing T’Challa.

In fact, for fifteen minutes, they only update each other about the outcomes of the fights. “I can’t stay here much longer, Steve.”

“It’s okay,” he says, “Just promise me one thing, Romanoff.”

“Shoot.”

“Be careful.”

“I will be if you are,” she agrees. She tosses the phones from each of the calls overboard. 

Her friend – if you can call him that – is watching the news talk about her when she reaches the safehouse in Norway. It’s on every channel, every radio station. She’s been hot before, but not like this.

Rick looks a little cute asleep, “You’re in my bed.”

“I’m – I’m not even under the covers.”

She asks, “Did you get everything on my list?” 

He nods, “Got passports, entry visas, a couple of local driver’s licenses. Mix and match, you should be able to stretch it to 20 or so identities –”

“Fanny Longbottom?”

He raises an eyebrow, “What?”

She’s gotta get better friends, “What, are you 12?”

“That is a legitimate name.” He laughs at her as he takes her through the place, “We’ve got a generator outside. It’s petrol-powered. And the septic tank will need a flush in a couple of weeks, but, you know, I’ve got a guy coming for that. You have to haul your rubbish into town. It’s just a 20-minute drive. I’ve got your basic hardware kit stashed under the stairs.”

“Nice,” she says. Because it is. She’s certainly holed up in worse places. 

Rick asks, “Are you okay?”

She asks innocently, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I hear things.” he says, like it’s not the biggest item on the news cycle, “You know, something about the Avengers getting divorced…”

“Ugh. It’s fine. I’m actually better on my own.”

He seems unconvinced, “Are you sure?” She nods. “Because you can tell me, you know. That’s the way the whole friends thing works.”

“I know,” she smiles, “I have friends.”

Rick calls her bluff, “People who have friends don’t call me.”

She deflects, “And I don’t pay you to worry.”

She spots a box at the door, “Oh, hey. What’s all this junk?”

He shrugs, “Oh, just some mail and personals from the Budapest safe house.”

She frowns, “Budapest?”

He nods, “Yeah. Budapest.

They argue playfully about the correct pronunciation a bit. He shrugs, “I knew you weren’t going back there, so I’ve got someone else in the flat now.”

“Sorry you went through the trouble. I would’ve told you to chuck it.” There’s no one from that portion of her life that she would ever want to hear from again besides him. She puts it all in her car for disposal later. And then she moves in.

She’s got a box of bleach, but she’s too tired tonight, she’ll be a blonde tomorrow. She cracks a beer and eats cereal for dinner and quotes Moonraker back at itself. She misses movie nights with the Avengers. Especially Steve, who had missed the bulk of cinematic history, so was seeing all the classics for the first time. 

The generator goes out and she puts the gas can in her car for a late night trip to town.

Her car gets blown nearly off a bridge.

It’s clear pretty quickly that her assailant isn’t sent by Ross. 

It – and it’s not a person – mirrors her fighting style in a way people just can’t. Nat figures out that she’s not the target quick enough. Something from the car, something from that box from Budapest. Fucking Budapest. Again. She grabs the case. She grabs the contents in her hand, shoves it all under her jacket, and gets kicked off a bridge for her trouble. And the water in Norway is fucking freezing. 

Nat lays on the riverbank and examines the bundle of glowing red tubes – and she wishes less of her paths in life lead to fighting over little vials of stuff. There’s a piece of paper stuck in amongst them. She fishes it out gingerly. It’s two frames from a strip of photo booth paper. And Nat knows both girls in the photo. “Oh shit.”

She probably shouldn’t have wasted her one Steve call. 

She treads the familiar path to the Budapest safehouse. Her fake-sister’s there. They don’t trust each other, and she thinks they want to fight each other just to see where they stand after all these years. They probably didn’t need to go so far as choking each other with the curtains. That feels a bit much. 

Nat lets go, “Peremiriye.”

They both detangle a bit from the curtains and each other. Nat says softly, “Ty vyros.”

Yelena gasps, “No shit.”

Nat gets up and follows Yelena to the kitchen, “You had to come to Budapest, didn’t you?”

“I came here because I thought you wouldn’t,” Yelena says bluntly, “But since you’re here, what bullet does that?”

Nat glances behind her at the holes in the wall courtesy of one Clinton Barton. Of course Rick hasn’t bothered to patch anything in all these years. “Not bullets. Arrows.”

“Ah, right.”

Nat frowns at her sister, “If you didn’t think I’d come here, why’d you send me this?”

Yelena’s eyes go wide, “You brought it back here?”

They argue about what Nat’s doing here and the Avengers, and sure, Nat’s a bit snippy about that, she knows it. Yelena whines, “Well, what was I supposed to do? You’re the only superhero person that I know. That was the whole reason I sent it to you. I kept checking the news, expecting to see Captain America bringing down the Red Room.”

Nat turns, “What? Taking down the Red Room? What are you talking about? It’s been gone for years. Dreykov’s dead. I killed him.”

She raises her eyebrows. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?” When Nat doesn’t answer, Yelena looks resigned, “You really do believe that.”

“Dreykov’s dead,” repeats Nat, “It took almost destroying the entire city just to get to him.”

“If you’re so sure, then tell me what happened. Tell me exactly.”

Nat does. Until the ceiling explodes. And Nat’s actually losing track of how many special forces and covert operations teams are actively hunting her right now.

But now she has an ally. Kind of.

The next few days are a blur of fights and injuries – physical and emotional. 

She’s tried not to think about the three years where she had an almost childhood. When the memories have snuck back in the quiet moments over the years, she’s done her best to drown them. 

She’d forgotten that Yelena was three when that assignment had started. Nat had been to the Red Room before. She was already a spy and she knew that Melina and Alexei were a lie, even if it was easy to forget sometimes. Especially after the first few months. But for Yelena that had all been a real family. Their family.

Nat has never liked to face her past. And it’s not just Yelena, or Dreykov. It’s the subway vent where she hid for two days with Clint, where their friendship formed, where she became an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D..  It’s Melina and Alexei.

It’s the hard questions. 

“Where did you think I was all this time?” 

“I thought that you got out and were living a normal life.” And did she really believe that? Had she ever really believed that? No. If it came down to it, she had figured everyone was dead, including Yelena and any other Widows that existed at that time.  

It’s Yelena asking what her story is and Nat not having an answer. Not having a hope or a wish or a dream for her life outside of creating twenty new aliases and disappearing. Her whole life was supposed to culminate in a life turned around, turned to good, and once again, it’s all gone. S.H.I.E.L.D. was always HYDRA, the Avengers are broken up and scattered, and she’s a ghost.

Nat has a harder time reuniting with Alexei and Melina. Yes, they were agents, but they were a family for three years, and they were adults who handed over two kids to be turned into weapons by any means necessary. Alexei grills her about Cap and Nat takes that personally. She is extremely certain that Cap and Alexei never met. And Melina basically masterminded the science behind the very subjugation they’re trying to destroy.

Nat thinks she might lay awake at night from now on, haunted by Yelena’s face when Nat repeats that their family wasn’t real. “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that. It was real. It was real to me. You are my mother. You were my real mother. The closest thing I ever had to one. The best part of my life was fake. And none of you told me.” For Nat, telling herself that it wasn’t real has been her way to survive losing it, this is the first time she considers that for Yelena, it was clinging to the dream that kept her alive.

And Nat’s not sure what’s worse. The lie she’s lived her whole life that she was abandoned, or the truth from Melina that she was sold and her biological mother later wanted her back. Or the realization that her fake family, which in retrospect Nat can admit was a traumatic experience to lose, is in many ways the same thing as any other family of origin. That when Sam and Cap and Tony talk about their parents, their childhoods, and inevitably the conversation stalls for a moment when it comes around to her, that this is the story she should be telling them.

Nat finds Dreykov even more reprehensible than he was the last time she vowed to kill him. And  Natasha plays him. And it makes her feel like an Avenger for the first time in a while. To goad him into thinking he’s winning, into thinking he’s hurting her, when that’s what she wants. He’s an old man who uses women to bend the world to his will. Who couldn’t even brainwash little girls, he has to control them. Her face hurts and her nose is broken.

Nat stares up at the Widow Network. She might need to call in a few more favors after this. If they aren’t dead. “You control all of that from here?”

“And with you, an Avenger under my control, I can finally come out of the shadows using the only natural resource that the world has too much of. Girls.”

Nat goes for the second confirmation, “All from that little console?” 

“Yeah.” He frowns, “Oh, you find this amusing? Why are you smiling?”

“Don’t take it personal, but, uh, thank you for your cooperation.” Nat smiles, “You weren’t quite strong enough, so… I’ll have to finish it myself.”

Dreykov laughs, “ What are you going to do?”

Nat smashes her face on the desk right where Melina said, and yeah, she can feel it instantly, “Sever the nerve.” And she hits him in the face. And she keeps hitting.

The Widows come for her. Her against them. The fight is beyond brutal. And the feeling she had at the airport in Germany is back. This is not a fight she wants to be in. But she wants to survive.

She’s just not sure she will this time.

The cloud raining down around her makes them drop her to the floor. Everything stops. Yelena pulls her to her feet and yanks a blade out of her shoulder. Nat tells them to go. To make their own choices. They run.

Nat stays to download the network. She straightens her nose, she’s always liked her nose, she hopes it heals straight enough. The crunching sound is sickening. 

She’s too late leaving. She sees the Widows make it to the ground. She’s too high up. Isn’t getting out of the Red Room this time. 

And there’s still Antonia. Even if she could leave… she won’t. “I’m gonna open the door. You’re gonna come after me. It’s okay.” Nat presses her hand to the glass, “It’s okay. I know you’re still in there. And I’m not gonna leave you. Okay.” Nat sacrificed this girl once. She can’t do it again, even if it kills her. And really, as much as Nat wants to survive, she’s already achieved her mission. The world doesn’t want her in it anyways. She opens the door and backs away slowly. 

And then the world tilts and she slides out over open air. 

Yelena comes out of nowhere. Nat sees her too far ahead, trying to stop Dreykov’s escape. Nat screams, “Don’t do it!” She can’t watch her sister die.

Yelena shouts back, “This was fun!” She jams the jet engine and it explodes. Nat grabs a parachute and jumps. She fastens Yelena into it and for a moment they float together, Yelena fighting to stay conscious. But she can’t let Antonia kill her sister. And Antonia’s certainly coming. She smiles and kisses Yelena’s cheek. And she lets her sister go.

They grapple as they fall, and that’s the only reason Nat slows enough to land alive. She drops her weapon and Antonia lunges. Nat pries her helmet open and there’s one vial left. Antonia freezes. They fall in opposite directions, but Nat crawls back, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Is he gone?”

“He’s gone,” she says. 

Nat stands. She looks for Yelena, “We’re both upside down.”

Nat helps Yelena sit up, “Prosti menya, moya mladshaya sestra. I should’ve come back for you.”

Yelena shakes her head, “You don’t have to say that. It’s okay.”

Nat shakes her head, “Hey. Hey. It was real to me, too.” And it was. Or it is now. It’s the closest they have. They hold one another until Melina and Alexei find them. For a moment, they’re a family.

“Here comes the cavalry,” Nat says, hearing sirens, and she tells them to go. She has another family to put back together. Yelena gives her her vest. Nat gives Yelena the last vial and the drive. 

Nat slips on Yelena’s vest. It is pretty cool, actually. She watches the other widows embrace and welcome Yelena. Nat watches them all go, Melina, Alexei, and Antonia too. She can buy them time.

Nat whistles like she did when they were just two little kids in Ohio. Yelena whistles back. And she watches Ross keep driving up while the world burns around her. It's going to be a lot harder escaping than it was not being caught. 

She slowly kneels and sets down her stun bracer and laces her hands behind her head. 

She stands as Ross steps into the line of fire. She’s pretty sure they have strict orders not to shoot their boss. “Romanoff, what the hell happened here?”

“The Red Room.”

“The Cold War Spooks? They’ve been gone for years.”

Nat looks around pointedly at the burning wreckage scattered in every direction. “That's what I thought too.”

“Natasha Romanoff, you’re under arrest,” he says, and she holds out her hands for him to cuff her. “For violation of the Sokovia Accords and assaulting the King of Wakanda. And there are a dozen countries waiting to add their own charges.” 

“I know,” she nods, “You’ve got to make an example. That's why I left you a calling card.”

 He gets in the front seat of the van they put her in, and not for the first time, Nat wonders if Ross is conflicted. Yes, this is a man who believes in the Accords. Who believes in law and order. Who wants to find Steve and Bucky and bring them in. But he’s not stupid, he knows how to tally the math of the greater good. “The Red Room, under the radar all these years, I can’t imagine how much damage they’ve done. And you took them down, all on your own.”

“I had some help,” Nat says. “But not the help you wanted.” 

“Who?”

“I’m just being humble,” she smiles, “It was all me. I know you don’t really want to make an example out of me. If you’re hoping Cap will come in for me, believe me, he won’t. If he hasn’t come for Sam, he’s not coming, Ross.” She feels something in the pocket of Yelena’s vest. 

“I’m realizing it’s impossible to ever know who you really are,” says Ross, “I mean, to me, you’re a turncoat assassin. But then you go and save the world when the world wants to lock you up. It’s simply impossible to know whose side you’re on.” Nat studies the key in her hand. There’s no way he’d missed this when he’d searched her. There’s no way Yelena just had the keys to Ross’s handcuffs in her pockets. 

“I’m starting to think you and I have that in common,” she slowly unlatches the first cuff. 

Ross asks, “What’s that old saying? ‘You can’t go home again’?”

She doesn’t stick around to find out. She opens the door and jumps from it all in one movement and she runs for the treeline. 

This time when Nat calls Rick, she does it properly. She gives him a longer lead time. She keeps her head down and stops to cut and bleach her hair. She pays him up front. She kicks his foot, “You ever not sleep?”

He complains, “I’ve been in six different time zones in three days because of you.” 

He gets her a proper jet. “I’m impressed. You’ve always been a really good friend to me. I mean, aside from selling me out to Ross, but I can let that slide.”

She doesn’t know where Steve is. But she knows where Clint, Wanda, and Sam are. And that’s a start for now. 

She runs into Steve while scouting out potential places to hide out after she gets there. His shield whizzes past her head and buries itself in the wall behind her. She feels it brush her hair on the way past. She doesn’t turn around, “You trying to kill me, Rogers? Cause I hear there’s a long waiting list and you might need to get in line.”

She turns around just in time to see Steve’s face go from guarded to surprised. “Nat?”

“Hey there Soldier,” she reaches behind her to pull his shield from the wall. It’s not his real shield. It’s bent. Strong, sure but not Vibranium strong. “And here I was thinking I’d have to do all the hard work myself.”

She hands him his shield back and he grins, “Happy to be of service, ma’am.”

Nat leans up and kisses him. He grins, “I thought you were deep underground?”

“Ehn,” Nat shrugged, “Reconnected with some family. Took down a significant KGB spy facility. Had some week left over, figured Clint was missing his wife and kids by now. You?”

“Well I didn’t take down the KGB,” Steve says. He slides a hand over her chin-length blonde hair, “You look so different.”

She raises an eyebrow at him, “Good different or bad different?”

“Since we’re on the run from pretty much everyone, all different is good different,” he says, “Now I’m not saying I won’t miss the red, but yeah. I could get used to this.”

She smiles, “Did you have an actual plan for how to get our people out of there? Or are you still just looking around?”

Steve shrugs, “Just poking around. I’d be happy to take notes if you’ve got something in mind.”

“Oh it’ll come to me,” she promises. 

She’s less lonely after that. Clint and Scott surrender peacefully and go home to their families. Nat and Steve and Sam bounce around wherever they’re needed most. Vision comes for Wanda, and even though it kills Steve, the two of them split off together on and off with a strict check in schedule. Nat knows Tony’s checking in on Vision too, but she’s not worried about Tony. Sometimes Hydra rears one of its heads, or some other fringe group and those are a bigger concern. She finally convinces Steve to ditch the mask portion of his suit. 

Today, it’s Yelena calling her. 

“It’s done, sestra.”

Nat sits up in the dark. Sam’s on watch and he looks startled by her movements. Steve whines in his sleep as she jostles him. It’s been over a year and a half on the run, they’ve stopped pretending to be strictly platonic around Sam. Between the three of them, they share pretty much everything, so most nights she and Steve sleep in the same bed – provided they have a bed on any given night. 

“What? What’s done?”

“The Widows are all free. The Network is undone.” It’s been at least a month since she and Steve had checked a lead for Yelena on any Widows. 

Nat climbs out of bed, “Are you okay? Melina and Alexei?”

“Aw I told them you cared,” teases Yelena. “They are at the farm with the pigs. Everyone is fine, you worry too much. This is bad for your heart, sestra.”

“Where are you?”

The question seems to take Yelena by surprise, “Why, do you want to see me?”

“Yes,” Nat says, “Is that so bad?”

Sam flags her down and mimes driving. Nat shakes her head, for once they’re not in a race with anyone. Well, except being wanted criminals. But they’ve kind of just assimilated that into their day-to-day lives. Yelena says, “I am in Norway.”

“The trailer? Rick’s?”

“Yes,” says Yelena.

“Don’t go anywhere,” Nat says, “I’ll come to you.”

“Where are you?”

“Syria,” she says, “Just stay put. Is anyone looking for you?”

“Just you,” Yelena says, “And whoever is looking for you.”

“I’m bringing company,” Nat says, “So try to make things look clean, okay?”

Sam looks bewildered, “Where are we going?”

“Norway,” she says softly.

Steve sits up, voice gravelly from sleep, “What’s the mission?”

“No mission,” she says, “Just sister stuff. Is that okay? I can go alone –”

Sam and Steve both firmly veto the idea of her going anywhere without them. They aren’t the Avengers anymore – or at least, not for right now – but they are, the three of them, a family. 

Sam sets the jet down and Nat stretches. Steve appraises the trailer, “Nice spot.”

“I wasn’t really here long enough to enjoy it,” she says. 

Yelena comes out the door armed, but drops her gun when she sees Nat. Nat runs across the field between them and crashes into her sister. “Yelena!”

Nat pulls back, and she gestures for Sam and Steve – who are both handing back like they’re scared of intruding – to come forward, “This is Captain Steve Rogers, and Sam Wilson. This is my sister, Yelena Belova.”

Sam is his usual charming self as they get a tour of Yelena’s new digs. Nat pries the story of the last of the Widows from her. Yelena tells Sam and Steve a version of their reunion and infiltrating the Red Room that has Nat eye rolling and blushing and arguing.

Steve’s quiet.

Sam and Yelena are outside lighting a fire so they can have hotdogs and marshmallows for dinner like children at a summer camp. Nat can’t help but think it’s cute how much Yelena wants to try all the things they were deprived of. Nat corners Steve as he comes out of the bathroom, “Talk to me, Rogers.”

“I just wonder if I’m keeping you,” Steve says quietly, “And yeah, I know. You’re an internationally wanted spy and an Avenger and if you were sick of us you’d go on your own. I know that . But I see you and Yelena and the years you missed. You never get that time back and you’re losing more with me.”

“Well you get half marks,” Nat says gently, “If I wanted to leave, I would. I don’t, Steve. I don’t want to go anywhere but wherever we’re going next.” She reaches up to touch his face. He’s grown a beard on the run, the first time she’s ever seen him anything but cleanshaven. She’d voiced doubts at first that he could even grow one. He’s been letting his hair get longer between cuts too. “It’s not lost time, it’s time I’m choosing to be with you. Can you please try to have fun? For me?”

“I want to check on Bucky next week,” Steve says softly. 

“Okay,” Nat says. 

“You don’t have to come,” says Steve quietly, “We could come pick you up after.”

She has a love-hate relationship with their semi-regular treks to Wakanda. She has an uneasy friendship with the King. He certainly likes Steve more than he likes her, but they respect one another. She feels the list of debts they owe to T’Challa growing steadily. And he has a country to consider when he calls those favors in. But she also knows that she’ll have clean new clothing, hot water, and a comfortable bed for their stay. Something that’s a rare luxury most days. 

It was easier, when Barnes was strictly in cryo. She has not joined Steve in seeing him awake. She spends her days there learning from Wakanda’s formidable Dora Milaje. 

“We’re a team,” Nat says. “Where you go, I go, Cap. What’s that thing Sam says?”

“He does what I do, but slower?”

“Yeah, that,” Nat says, “Same for me.”

For tonight, Nat feels almost like a normal person – perched on Steve’s lap, laughing with Sam and Yelena and getting sticky from marshmallows. 

“He’s much cuter in person,” says Yelena, when Steve and Sam have elected to sleep on the Quinjet for the night and left them to have some personal time. 

Nat smiles, “Yeah, he’s not so bad to look at.”

“I do not think he found my story good.”

Nat stops washing the plate in her hand, “He likes you, don’t worry. He was in his head. Being on the run’s getting to him.”

“What if you stopped running?”

Nat frowns, “You mean like go to prison?”

Yelena rolls her eyes, “Do that thing you do where you go underground. Start fresh.”

Nat shrugs, “Starting fresh means saying goodbye. To everyone. For a long time. Including you. I don’t think we’re good enough at staying out of things to do that anymore.”

“You are very good at getting involved where you are not wanted,” agrees Yelena. 

Chapter Text

They don’t make it back to Wakanda the following week. They detour to break up a Sokovian terrorist cell and while Nat’s been pinned down plenty of times, blown up, and worse – she’s just not equipped to be shot twice and dropped off a third story roof. And she can’t tell if she has broken bones, or some kind of side effect of whatever she’s been shot with, but she hurts. 

Nat stares up at the sky, stained orange as the sun dips below the horizon. With great effort, she lifts one hand to her ear, “Copy me?”

“Little busy,” shouts Sam.

Nat swallows hard, “Help.”

“Wh – what? Nat? Cap! Do you have eyes on Natasha?”

“Negative,” says Steve, “Where are you, Nat?”

“South –” she coughs, but it doesn’t help, she can’t catch her breath, “South delta corner. Hurry.”

Nat loses consciousness. She knows because she regains it at the worst possible time. Steve is lifting her. She screams through her teeth, “Sorry. Sorry!” 

She’s vaguely aware of Sam diving into the ship from the sky just ahead of them. “Get us off the ground!”

Sam runs to get them out of there. Steve gets to work trying to stabilize her, “Hey, hey, stay with me. Nat? Can you hear me?”

She nods, “Steve, hurts to breathe.”

His hands press against her face for a moment, “Don’t move. I’ve got you.”

He starts packing her gunshot wounds. Nat’s more concerned about the shortness of breath and the searing pain in her leg and back, “Did you get the girls out?”

“Yes,” Steve says, “Sam, steer us towards Wakanda, now!”

“It can’t be that bad,” she says, trying to be reassuring, but the pain is only getting worse and his face is grim.  “Steve?”

“Just stay awake,” he orders. “Stay with me.”

Steve rattles off her vitals to Sam, and Nat knows they’re bad. “Cap –” She blinks up at him, “It’s okay. I –” She fights with her body, it’s shutting down too fast. “I love you, Steve.”

His face changes in an instant. “No, Natasha. You listen to me, you are not dying on me. SAM!”

Nat fades out again despite his orders. She wakes up to more excruciating pain, “Make it stop!”

“Hang on,” Sam yells over her cries, “We’re gonna land a bit hot!”

King T’Challa, his sister, and three Dora Milaje board the ship to carry Nat. Her vision swims a little as she’s rushed down to Shuri’s lab.  

“Agent Romanoff, I need you to be very still and tell me what hurts.”

Nat gives Shuri what she can, but she can’t catch her breath. Steve fills in the rest. The scans will tell the whole truth. 

Shuri asks them to roll her and Nat screams. Shuri hits a button and Nat’s world goes dark.

She blinks awake. She's still in the lab. Steve’s asleep in a nearby chair, still wearing his suit. Her eyes move to the exits. She startles to find someone standing there. Barnes.

He regards Steve carefully as he edges into the room, “Hello, Natasha.”

She sounds a little wheezey, “James.”

“You can call me Bucky,” he says, “I remember you this time.”

Nat frowns up at him, “You mean from the airport?”

“No, from before,” he says, he reaches out to touch the blanket covering her, “May I?”

She nods. She’s naked underneath, but he doesn’t seem to care. She lays still as he takes in all the scars and marks on her body. She used to despair about the permanent identifiable marks, but she does less of that kind of spying these days. His thumb goes right to the bullet wounds made at his own hand. First on her left shoulder, then her lower abdomen.

He lays the blanket back over her with an unexpected gentleness. “Your hair is different.”

“Needed a change,” she says. 

“I liked the red better,” he says softly. He sits down next to Steve, “So you’re Stevie’s girl.”

“I don’t know about that,” Nat says, though for all intents and purposes, she does seem to have found herself in a long term monogamous relationship. “You’re his best friend.”

“For whatever that’s worth,” agrees Bucky, “How do you feel?”

Nat does a quick assessment. “Good. The medical care here is…” 

Steve’s breathing changes and he sits up and looks around, “Oh. Hey.”

She smiles as he reaches for her hand. “And just when you thought you’d gotten rid of me.”

“You scared the hell out of us,” scolds Steve, “Seriously, Nat, if it weren’t for Shuri –”

“You would be dead or paralyzed,” the Princess has returned to her lab. Nat likes Shuri, she’s funny, and Nat would love to introduce her to Tony someday. “I’m glad you are awake, Ms. Romanoff. I have been dying to ask you a question.”

“You saved my life,” says Nat, “Ask away.”

“You have been coming to my lab for over a year. Why have you never mentioned that you cannot smell?”

Nat frowns, “What? It’s – it’s nerve damage.” Steve and Bucky are both looking at her like they have questions, and she realizes that she’s once again strayed too far in shielding people from the worst of her. “I had to get past a pheromone lock to bring down the Red Room.” She breathes in and she pauses, “Wait, you fixed it?”

“I fixed the swelling in your spinal cord,” says Shuri, “The olfactory nerve was easy – though it would have been even easier two years ago.” 

Nat sits up slowly, “Whoa. Wow.” She definitely still hurts a bit. 

“Go slow,” suggests Shuri, “You will make a full recovery, but it will take time.”

Nat stands up and Steve has to jump up from his chair to catch her. She leans into him. Shuri scolds her, “What did I just say?” Shuri wraps some sort of clothing around Nat’s shoulders and ties it, covering her. “Take her to her room. If you do not stay there I will have my brother order the doors locked.”

Nat smiles gratefully and lets Steve limp her up to the apartment they share in the palace. Sam’s is next door, and he comes out to the hall as they approach, “Lookin’ good, Widow.”

“Shut up,” says Nat, through gritted teeth. She’s sweating from the ride up the elevator. If it weren’t for Steve she probably wouldn’t have made it this far.

Steve helps her into bed. It’s a nice place, a roomy studio apartment with a view of gorgeous African countryside spread out below. She lays back as Steve moves to the kitchenette and starts pulling things from the fridge. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” he says, already cracking eggs into a bowl.

“Bucky’s awake,” says Nat, “He remembers. You should spend time with him. I’m fine.”

“I will spend time with him,” Steve agrees, “Later. Come on, you’re telling me you don’t want to taste this omelet with your newly restored sense of taste?”

And well, she can’t say no to that honestly. She sits up gingerly when he brings it to her, “Thank you.”

“You remember everything that happened?”

Nat looks up from her incredibly delicious breakfast, “What? You mean on the way here? Yeah, I got shot. Twice.”

He shakes his head with a smile, “I meant – do you remember that you told me you loved me?”

Oh. Right. 

“Yeah. I, uh, I did say that.”

He gives her an exasperated look, “Natasha. Please.”

“I – love is a fairytale for children. That’s what I thought, my whole life. And then I met Clint, and for the first time in my life I had a friend. And then I met you, and we built this team. And I love all of you, and it was taken from me. And I have tried to tell myself that you weren’t going to have feelings for me, that we were friends, and we could keep going like that forever. And when I realized that wasn’t true, I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. I told myself it was okay, because even if you did fall in love with me, I could keep you at a distance. I could ground us and things wouldn’t have to change.”

She blinks up at him, “I don’t think I realized how deep I was. And I’m sorry. You told me you loved me and I have never let you say it again. I wanted to protect you from me. And I’ve done a terrible job, because I’m in love with you.”

“Next time,” Steve reaches over to help steady her plate, because her hands are shaking, “You can just talk to me. You don’t have to wait until you think you’re dying.”

He’s laughing at her. She’s baring her soul and he’s laughing at her. That realization makes her laugh. She takes another bite of egg, “This is stupidly good, are you sure Sam didn’t make this?”

“Hey, I can cook,” says Steve. “Sort of.”

When she finishes he sets her plate aside. She reaches for him and he indulges her in a long slow lazy kiss that they have had way too little time for in the last five and a half years. He pushes her away gently, “Nat, we can’t. Not right now.”

Nat frowns, “What’s wrong with right now? You got somewhere better to be, Rogers?”

“Shuri said to take it easy. You can hardly walk,” he’s being far too reasonable about this. “I know we haven’t had a lot of time lately for that kind of thing, but I can’t risk hurting you.”

“Fine,” says Nat, “Go play with Bucky.”

He frowns, “Are you sure? I can stay. We can watch a movie –?”

“I’m probably going to fall asleep in a minute,” says Nat, “So just go. Take Sam, seriously. I’m fed, I can’t go anywhere, and we’re in one of the only safe places in the whole world.”

He narrows his eyes, like he suspects she’s up to something and he can’t quite piece together what it is yet. When she doesn’t reveal any secrets he leans down to kiss her on the forehead, “I’ll come back if you need me, okay?”

She lays back, “I’ll be here.”

He gives her a long look and she smiles up at him. 

As soon as she’s alone, Nat turns on the screen in front of the bed. She has one habit that she has kept from Sam and Steve. Steve isn’t a guy who would hold a grudge, but she can’t stand giving him a reason to think she wants to go home. 

Search results: news + Tony Stark

There’s a sharp knock on the door and Nat scrambles to turn the screen off. She doesn’t get it before the door opens. Nat desperately misses the life where computers were not projections that publicly broadcast everything to everyone in the room. Shuri looks apologetic, “I am sorry for interrupting. Did Captain Rogers get you something to eat?”

Nat nods and points to her empty plate. Usually Steve’s fastidious about doing dishes immediately, but she’d hurried him out too quickly. Shuri says, “I did not want to pry in front of the others. You have no reproductive organs.”

Nat explains the Red Room and graduation. She frowns, “Is that something you could fix? You know, like my nose, if I wanted to? Not that I’m saying I do.”

Shuri shakes her head, “No. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Nat says, making herself smile, “Maybe you noticed when you were putting my spine back together, but I’m not exactly Carol Brady.” Shuri gets the same look on her face Steve gets when he can’t immediately place a pop culture reference.

Shuri ducks her head, then gestures at the screen, “You miss your friend?”

Nat nods, “Yeah. I do.”

“You don’t want Captain Rogers to know you miss him?”

“He knows,” Nat says, and she knows Steve does, “I just don’t want to rub his face in it.”

She gestures to the screen, “And?”

Nat lets herself look for the first time at the top search results.

Tony Stark says he’s feeling “more super than ever” post surgery . 

Tony Stark, Pepper Pots, long awaited engagement official, wedding date set. 

And if that’s not a sign that the Avengers are never getting back together, Nat’s not sure what is. 

She closes her eyes, “And I knew what I was doing when I shot your brother.”

Shuri smiles at that, “This is what I like about you, Natasha Romanoff.”

Nat’s never had this much of a non-science conversation with the youngest Wakandan Royal. “How’s Bucky been?”

Shuri shrugs, “Without bringing him in and out of cryo, I don’t have much to do with him these days. But I find him an interesting man. The White Wolf, they call him in the villages.”

The word interesting makes Nat feel all kinds of uneasy, “You’re a genius, right?”

Shuri nods. 

“And you’ve got tech the rest of the world can only dream of?”

Shuri dips her head modestly, “Well, yes.”

“How do you know where to stop?” Nat’s voice shakes a little in spite of herself, “My – my mother – developed technology that could keep you from choosing to breathe. Could you – and I do mean could – could you create another super soldier?”

“If you are asking if I could reverse engineer the serum, yes,” says Shuri without thought, “But we are not like the people in the rest of the world. We have lived for generations keeping our vibranium a secret, because we knew what could be done with it. I would not create a super soldier, because I have seen what it does.”

Nat sighs, “That’s what frightens me. There used to be a time where the most dangerous thing in the world was me.”

Shuri laughs, “I think many would agree you are still one of the most dangerous people in this world.”

“Maybe,” Nat says. She’s run with superheroes for so long that she thinks her powerscaling might be off. She is stronger than the vast majority of people. She’s kicked the ass of people a lot bigger and powerful than her. She also almost got taken out by a medium level terrorist with a gun. “But I’m still human. And there are a lot more worlds out there.”

Nat turns off the screen, she doesn’t want to read any more about Tony’s life without them. “So what exactly did you do to my back?”

Shuri explains in detail her injuries and how she fixed them. A lot goes over Nat’s head. “And when will it stop hurting?”

“You are so impatient,” Shuri chides, “It will stop when it stops and no sooner. You need rest.”

“Fine,” Nat says, “Did I say ‘thank you’?”

“It is my honor,” says Shuri, taking her plate to the sink, “To save the life of  a woman who double crossed my brother. I will leave you be.”

“Wanda missed her check in.”

Nat looks up from where she’s scrolling for leads, “You worried? She’s with Vision and she’s, you know, Wanda . Can anything hurt Vision?”

Steve shrugs, “I don’t know, I don’t really want to find out.”

Nat stretches her arms over head, “Okay, well, guess we’re not doing anything. Did you call Fury?”

“He says Vision’s in Scotland,” Steve frowns, “Are you sure you’re up for a fight? Does your back hurt?”

“It might not be a fight,” Nat says, “And I feel fine. Seriously.” It’s been two weeks since Shuri fixed her, and a week and a half since Shuri had given them the green light to leave Wakanda. Nat’s starting to think it’s more than a coincidence that Nick and Steve suddenly can’t find anyone who needs their asses kicked.

Nat reaches over and gives Sam’s foot a shake, “Wake up, Wilson. We’re on deck.”

Nat’s pulling up traffic cam footage, trying to get a glimpse of either Wanda or Vision, she’s just not having much luck. They’re twenty minutes from landing in Edinburgh so that Sam can do some recon when a phone rings. It’s an old kind of ringtone, the kind flip phones have. Nat looks at Steve and at the same time they look at the Tony emergency line phone. 

Steve picks up the phone, “Tony?”

His eyes go wide, “No, no, we’re on it… Long story, yeah… Okay. Nat’s here – no? Oh – Okay. If you’re sure. Yeah. Okay.”

Nat frowns. “That wasn’t Tony.”

“What? How do you know?”

Nat crosses her arms, “That phone call was less than two minutes and you aren’t gritting your teeth.”

“It wasn’t Tony,” Steve agrees, “Tony’s in trouble, and Vision is about to be. Turn on the news. Sam, go now, I’ll take over.”

Nat goes back to her computer, “News for where?”

“Anywhere,” Steve says, “They’re all gonna show you New York.”

news + Tony Stark

And oh yeah. That’s a spaceship over Manhattan. Again. And Tony’s missing.

“Tell me that moron didn’t get on that thing.”

Steve looks over his shoulder from where he’s taking over flying the jet, “You’ve met Tony Stark, right?”

“Pepper is going to be so mad,” says Natasha.

“What?” Both Steve and Sam are staring at her. Sam asks, “I thought they broke up?”

“They got back together,” says Nat. She gets up and gets an earpiece and hands one to Sam. “They’re engaged – is this really the most important thing right now?” 

“Right,” Sam opens the bay door and jumps out.

Nat goes back to her traffic camera combing. Steve asks, “So you’ve been keeping tabs on Tony?”

“He’s my friend,” Nat says, “Just a search every once in a while. Clear web only. Thousands of people google him every day, it can’t hurt.”

“It hurts you,” says Steve quietly, “You could have told me.”

“I know,” she says, “You gonna tell me who called?”

“Surprise,” he says, with an unexpected smile.

She hates surprises and he knows it. “Fury?”

Steve rolls his eyes, “What kind of surprise would that be?”

“Guys? There’s some kind of ship. Big. Scary.”

Nat tosses her computer aside, “Find Wanda and Vision, do not engage, we’re coming.”

Steve swings the jet around and looks for a place to land. “Hey, you’re sure you’re good?”

She puts her hand on his shoulders and leans over the back of the seat to kiss his cheek, “I’m fine. Be careful, yeah?”

“I will if you are,” he quips. 

Nat hits the button and throws herself out the bay door. “Sam, you seeing anything?”

“Head towards the church.”

Nat starts to see the signs of a fight. Smashed windows, chunks of walls missing, cars on fire. People looking scared and confused. 

Nat sees a blast of light in the sky, “Steve, train station! Sam did you see that?”

“I’ve got the east side,” Nat says, “You take the west.”

“Wait for me,” Steve says, “I’m almost there. It’s Wanda and Vision, we don’t need to rush.”

Nat can’t help thinking about how proud Tony would be when Steve’s backlight from behind a moving train. He catches the very cool looking alien weapon and steps into the light. If Nat didn’t already think Steve was hot, that would have done it for her. Sam goes in swinging and Nat catches the weapon Steve throws her, sliding herself in close to stab the big one. She tosses the one with the horns away and it doesn’t get up. She turns to help Steve and Sam knocks the other one down. She levels her weapon at it, “We don't wanna kill you. But we will.”

“You'll never get the chance again.” And Nat hopes not.

Sam gets to Vision and Wanda first. Vision’s hurt, answering that question. “Can you stand?”

Vision does, with help. “Thank you, Captain.”

“Let’s get you on the jet,” says Steve. 

Nat waits until Sam’s warming up the engines before she scolds them, “I thought we had a deal. Stay close, check in. Don't take any chances.” She doesn’t like the look on Steve’s face.

“I'm sorry,” says Wanda, “We just wanted time.”

Sam asks, “Where to, Cap?”

“Home.”

He comes to sit next to her. Sam spins around to clarify, “You mean New York?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, “We’re needed.”

Very few words are spoken on the flight. Wanda falls asleep. Sam refuses to put the Quinjet on autopilot, probably just so he doesn’t have to make up a reason not to talk to them. Nat sits in thick silence next to Steve. “Someone knows we’re coming, right? Rhodey or whoever isn’t going to blast us out of the sky on approach.”

“It’ll be fine,” says Steve shortly.

Nat frowns at him. “What’s wrong with you? Is this about Tony?”

“No,” he says, “Nothing’s wrong. Can we just sit, please?”

Sam turns around, “Cap?”

“Butt out, Sam,” Steve snaps. And that’s about enough as far as Nat’s concerned.

She gets up and she sits with Wanda and Vision, “Nat –”

“You’re being an asshole,” says Nat, “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Can you come here?”

Nat shakes her head. Steve sighs, “Fine. Sam, I’m sorry. I’m scared that if we get home, we won’t get out again. And I’m not sure home is really where I want to be right now.”

“Steve, we’ve been waiting for two years,” says Nat, “It’s where we belong.” He looks so sad that she knows he’s holding something back. If he won’t tell her, she’ll have to find out for herself later. “And if there’s a problem, we’ll fix it. Like we always do.”

Chapter Text

It’s weird, landing the jet where they always have, and walking back in like they haven’t been gone two years. Rhodey’s the only one physically there but he’s in a meeting with Secretary Ross’s holographic form and some other people that Nat assumes are the brilliant minds appointed to wield The Avengers.

He regards them all, and Nat still does not get this guy. Steve says stonily, “Mr. Secretary.”

Ross sneers, “You got some nerve. I'll give you that.”

“You could use some of that right now,” Nat suggests. She’s still a little annoyed with Steve, but this is not the time to let hurt feelings come between them. 

Secretary Ross glances at her, “The world's on fire. And you think, all is forgiven?” It seemed that way last time, as far as Nat was concerned.

Steve’s got a way cooler comeback, “I'm not looking for forgiveness. And I'm way past asking for permission.” He steps down a step to get in Ross’s holographic face. “Earth just lost her best defender. So we're here to fight. And if you wanna stand in our way... We'll fight you, too.”

Secretary Ross orders Rhodey to arrest them. He turns off the hologram, “That's a court-martial. It's great to see you, Cap.”

The tension goes out of the room as Steve and Rhodey shake hands. “You too, Rhodey.” Nat hops down the steps to hug him. 

“Hey. Well. You guys, really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of years.” 

Sam says, “Yeah, well, the hotels weren't exactly five star.”

“Uh, I think you look great.”

Nat whips around. She hasn’t heard that voice in almost three years. Not since it asked her to run away together in Sokovia. Bruce looks small in what is obviously borrowed clothing, “Yeah. I’m back.”

“Hi, Bruce.” She doesn’t know what to feel. He’s not dead. And that’s the best news she’s gotten all day. But he’s been gone three pretty terrible years and she needs to know where he’s been and why he’s back.

He nods to her, which is not the greeting she was hoping for or expecting, “Nat.”

Behind her Sam whispers, “This is awkward.”

Nat spins around, “Put Vision down, Wilson. I am going to hit you so hard –”

“Nat.”

Nat takes a breath. She turns on Steve, “This is why you were being an asshole?”

Bruce cuts in, “Hey, uh, I don’t really know what you’re mad about, and I’m sure you’ve got a good reason, but we’ve got bigger problems.”

“Right,” Nat says, she goes to Bruce and puts her arms around him, “We are going to talk later. Are you okay?”

Bruce looks surprised for a second at the question, “Sure. Yeah. Let’s talk.”

They all leave the conference room and go to the room that they haven’t been in since Tony made a coffee and showed them the photo of a life cut short in Sokovia. They all compare alien invasion notes and Bruce drops the Thanos lore. 

“We need all hands on deck. Where’s Clint?”

“After the whole Accords situation, he and Scott took a deal,” says Nat, “It was too tough on their families.”

That seems to confuse Bruce more than answer his question, “What Accords? Who’s Scott?”

“Ant-Man,” says Steve.

“There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?” Nat blinks, when had Bruce met Peter? Bruce moves on, “Okay, look, Thanos has the biggest army in the Universe. And he is not gonna stop until he – He gets – Vision's stone.” 

“Well then, we have to protect it,” says Nat. This is what they do.

Vision disagrees with her plan, “No, we have to destroy it. I've been giving a good deal of thought to this entity in my head, about its nature. But also, its composition. I think if it were exposed to a sufficiently powerful energy source – something very similar to its own signature, perhaps – its molecular integrity could fail.” He’s talking to them all, but he’s really talking to Wanda. Wanda is the one who’s a similar energy source. 

Wanda who clearly will not be getting on board with that plan, “And you, with it. We're not having this conversation.”

“Eliminating the stone is the only way to be certain that Thanos can't get it.”

“That's too high a price,” says Wanda. And Nat has to agree.

“Only you have the power to pay it,” pleads Vision. Wanda turns her back on her. “Thanos threatens half the Universe. One life cannot stand in the way of defeating him.

“But it should. We don't trade lives, Vision.” And this is the first time all day that Steve’s felt like Steve. 

“Captain, 70 years ago, you laid down your life to save how many millions of people? Tell me, why is this any different?” Nat feels Steve gearing up for an argument, or some kind of speech, a pep talking. 

Bruce steals his thunder, “Because you might have a choice. Your mind is made up of a complex construct of overlays. Jarvis, Ultron, Tony, me, the Stone. All of them mixed together. All of them learning from one another.”

Wanda asks, “You're saying Vision isn't just the stone?”

“I'm saying that... If we take out the stone, there's still a whole lot of Vision left. Perhaps the best parts.”

She squashes down the first flicker of false hope, “Can we do that?”

Bruce shakes his head, “Not me. Not here.”

“You better find someone, and somewhere fast,” advises Rhodey, “Ross isn't exactly just gonna let you guys have your old rooms back.”

“I know somewhere.” Nat closes her eyes. She adds another tally on the T’Challa favors scoreboard in her head. Steve looks at her grimly, “Everyone suit up.”

Nat’s already suited up, so she’s the first one on the jet. Bruce sits down hesitantly while Rhodey, Sam, and Steve debate what weapons they want while they have the option. “Hey.”

Nat stretched out, “So you called Steve and told him not to tell me you were back?”

“Surprise?”

She still can’t understand how two people who know she hates surprises would think she’d want to be surprised. “It's a long ride to Wakanda, maybe it’s time we had that chat, doctor?”

“I got stuck,” Bruce says, “And I found a wormhole.”

He tells her about Sakaar, and the Grandmaster and Thor finding him. He explains the fight with Thor’s half-sister – and Nat hopes to never meet another one of Thor’s relatives in her life – and the destruction of Asgard, and how the Tesseract was an Infinity Stone. He repeats bits of what he’d said before about Thanos, falling into the home of a wizard, and reuniting with Tony. 

He explains that he’s seemingly stuck this way now instead of the other way. Nat feels sick knowing that she pushed him the last time. “Jesus, Bruce.”

Somewhere along the way everyone had got on board and they’d gotten on the road. Bruce sits back, “Alright, you go. If someone doesn’t explain what the hell the Accords are I’ll – well I can’t go green, but I can still break something.”

Nat sighs, “It’s not watching Asgard destroyed, but it sucks.” Steve doesn’t come sit with them even though there’s a spot next to her. She explains the fallout of Sokovia, the breakdown of the Avengers – the others are all pretending not to listen, but she sees them paying attention to how she describes things. She even explains the destruction of the Red Room, something she’s only told Steve about, though Sam knows everything. 

Rhodey breaks the illusion of a private conversation by giving some updates about the things going on there. 

Bruce smiles like the mild-mannered physicist he usually is, “Great story, Nat. Are you planning on avoiding all the bits where you’re with Cap? Because I swear, I really can’t get green. The Other Guy’s on strike.”

Nat sighs, “I didn’t think it was super relevant at this exact moment.”

Rhodey protests, “Whoa, now. It felt relevant to me! We were on the same side, and you were secretly banging Captain America!”

Nat sees Steve winces and she’s not sure if it’s the fact that she flipped loyalties or the phrase ‘banging’ that bothers him. 

Either way, if Bruce isn’t going to make a scene, Nat’s going to. They’re in another potentially world-ending crisis and all she’s ever done her entire life is sneak around, and she’s sick of it. She stands up and looks around, daring one of them to step in, “Okay, you know what, if we’d all sat down and talked things through we wouldn’t have sides in the first place. Congrats Rhodey, you’re the last Avenger to become a criminal, but you violated the Accords the second you stepped on this jet. You and Tony said this was how we stayed together but it tore us apart and you’re both hypocrites anyways because we all broke the Accords! And this all sucks, okay? If the world stopped trying to end for three seconds that would be great, but it hasn’t. So yeah, Steve and I fucked, I think we earned that right!”

Dead silence.

Steve’s mouth twitches as he tries to contain himself. “Language.”

Everyone goes into hysterics. Bruce laughs so hard he slips out of his seat, which only makes everyone laugh harder. Steve has the audacity to smile at her.

As the laughter dies down, a sense of dread settles over them. They’re back on the clock. Again.

Nat is slightly self conscious when they land and she moves to walk with Steve to greet the King. Firstly, because of T’Challa. Secondly, because now everybody knows about Steve. It’s always felt right to be in step with him, but now it feels like a blaring neon sign that they’ve seen one another naked.

“Seems like I'm always thanking you for something,” says Steve, shaking hands with the king. 

Bruce bows clumsily, which is clearly not comfortable for T'Challa, “Uh, we don't do that here.” He gestures for them to follow him inside, “So how big of an assault can we expect?”

“Uh, sir,” Bruce sounds embarrassed by his faux pas, “I think you can expect quite a big assault.”

Nat wants numbers, “How we looking?”

“You will have my King's Guard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje,” T’Challa reports, “And…”

“A semi-stable, 100-year-old man.” And the hell if Bucky doesn’t look more Winter Soldier-like with a new – she assumes vibranium – arm. 

Steve hugs Bucky, “How you been, Buck?”

“Uh, not bad, for the end of the world,” says Bucky, and when he smiles at Steve, Nat sees Steve’s best friend and not an assassin. “Hey, Nat.” She’s not sure they’re huggers, she's never been. So she just nods. 

They leave Sam, Rhodey, and Bucky to watch the ship while everyone else goes to the lab. Nat’s not too clear how anything about Vision works, but what she hears is that Shuri thinks Bruce and Tony were idiots, and she can help.

The alert comes on Okoye’s vibranium beads first, “Something’s entered the atmosphere.”

Followed almost immediately by Sam on comms, “Hey, Cap, we got a situation here.”

Rhodey chimes in, “We got more incoming outside the dome.”

They all watch in horror as hostile ships land all around the city. 

“It's too late,” says Vision, “We need to destroy the stone now.”

Nat is not giving up before the fight even starts. Not this time. “Vision, get your ass back on the table.” She needs some weapons.

Chapter Text

The King agrees, “We will hold them off.”

Steve orders, “Wanda, as soon as the stone's out of his head, you blow it to hell.”

“I will.”

T'Challa starts ordering his people, “Evacuate the city. Engage all defense procedures. And get this man a shield.” That last order stops Natasha cold. Steve has very pointedly not put a shield on his growing tab. He’s used and abused too many lesser metal ones for her to count, but that always felt like an acknowledgment in how outside the law things had gone. Tony has the shield, only Tony could give it back.

But Tony’s gone and the world is ending, and no one has time for anyone’s fucking feelings right now. Steve takes a shield. 

Back at the ship, Rhodey is helping Bruce into an Iron Suit. Nat suppresses a hysterical giggle when she remembers this one – the big one – is called the Hulkbuster. Nat loads up on weapons. All around them an army is assembling and scrambling hover carriers. 

Nat should probably be honored that she’s ushered into a carrier with the King and his General. Steve gives her a hand up, and doesn’t let her hand go when she’s in. Bucky climbs in after her. Nat looks over her shoulder and sees Bruce take a few teetering steps, “How we looking, Bruce?”

“Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of it.” He breaks into a run and even flies a little, “Wow! This is amazing, Nat! It's like being the Hulk without actually –” Nat winces as Bruce trips and faceplants in the dirt. She’s almost expecting Hulkbuster to explode from the inside as Bruce Hulks out. But he really can’t. “I’m okay. I’m okay!”

Rhodey’s voice in her ear distracts her, “We got two heat signatures breaking through the tree line.”

Nat squints, “That one look familiar to you?”

Steve hums in agreement. The hover carriers stop and every warrior jumps out and assembles in a second. The carriers are already on their way back for the next group before Natasha’s . 

Another tribe arrives and T’Challa thanks their leader for standing with them. Nat joins Steve and T’Challa in going to the barrier. “Where's your other friend?”

She snarls back, “You will pay for his life with yours. Thanos will have that stone.” And Nat’s made a personal alien enemy – mark that down off the bucket list.

“That's not gonna happen,” says Steve.

T'Challa sounds like a King. “You are in Wakanda now. Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood.”

“We have blood to spare.” And yeah, Bruce was not exaggerating about the largest army in the world. They retreat back to their lines. 

Bucky smiles wryly, “Did they surrender?”

“Not exactly,” mutters Steve.

The Wakandans take up a war cry. Nat watches the forces come. It’s the Chitauri and New York again, but a thousand times bigger. She looks over at Steve at the same moment he looks down at her. Bucky sounds nothing like the Winter Soldier, “What the hell?”

Nat shrugs, “Looks like we pissed her off.”

Sam drops Redwing and Rhodey drops bombs where the barrier is starting to be overwhelmed. But for the first few minutes, there’s nothing for them to actually do.

“Cap, if these things circle the perimeter and get in behind us...There's nothing between them and Vision.”

“Then we better keep 'em in front of us,” declares Steve. Nat stares up at Steve’s face. He leans down and kisses her quickly, “Be careful.” Nat’s glad for the sentiment, but given they’re both about to die, it’s a little too short and too chaste.

Okoye asks, “How do we do that?”

“We open the barrier. On my signal, open North-West Section Seventeen… On my signal.”

The other Wakandan leader mutters, “This will be the end of Wakanda.”

The General agrees, “Then it will be the noblest ending in history.”

“Wakanda Forever!” T’Challa charges and the whole army moves with him. The barrier opens. Nat is outpaced by Steve and T’Challa immediately, but it doesn’t matter. They’re superhuman and she’s not, so she’ll fall in with the other mere mortals. There’s no need to move before another fight is already happening. Nat wishes she could go back to the Battle of New York and tell herself that that wasn’t even that bad. This is way worse. Immeasurably worse.

They are so severely outnumbered they aren’t going to last the hour. 

A missile stops the battle for a moment. Nat looks around as suddenly they’re getting a reprieve. The light dims and she’s suddenly looking at a larger than average raccoon, something that resembles a stick with a face, and the God of Thunder. Nat raises her hand.

Bruce laughs maniacly in their ears, “You guys are so screwed now!”

Thor looks insane in the best way that Nat can imagine. He’s gotten a haircut and lightning is arcing off him as he storms towards Thanos’s lackeys, “BRING ME THANOS!!” He leaps into the air and Nat feels the air pressure change as lightning converges on Thor as he sails towards the enemy. He lands and lightning explodes in every direction, scattering corpses in its wake. And holy shit, Nat has never been so glad to see him. 

The fight starts back up pretty much immediately. Nat doesn’t have time to keep tabs on anyone as she fights for her life. 

The aliens burrow under the barrier. Like assholes. 

Nat looks up and sees a solid wall of death coming for her and Okoye. T’Challa orders them to fall back but it’s too late already. She’s out of time. She doesn’t have time to move. She doesn’t have time to tell Steve goodbye. She closes her eyes.

Death doesn’t come. The earth shakes. 

Nat spins around. Wanda looks like she’s actually broken a sweat, but there are four trenches in the ground around them, a swath of dead alien forces, and they’re alive. Okoye looks from Wanda to the nearest trench, then to Nat, “And why was she up there all this time?”

Nat shakes her head, “Get back to Vision.”

Before Wanda can even move though, Sam says, “Guys? We’ve got a Vision situation.”

Steve yells for one of them to get to Vision which can only mean he’s in a bad spot. Nat can’t even see him, doesn’t even know which way to look to help.

“I got him,” says Rhodey.

“On my way,” promises Wanda.

Nat spins back around at the sound of a body dropping. She’d looked away to try to find Steve for one second and now Wanda’s on the ground. They can’t afford that. And it’s a bonus that Wanda’s attacker is Nat’s new friend. “He’ll die alone. As will you.”

“She’s not alone,” says Nat, jumping into the trench. Ten feet away, Okoye does the same thing. Nat’s only goal is to keep Wanda alive. She’s still moving, so that’s a good sign. She wills her friend to get up and get to safety and protect Vision.

Bruce yells, “Guys! Vision needs backup now!” There’s no backup for anyone. Everyone’s going to have to live and die on their own merits for the moment. 

Another one of those diggers flies over top of them and they all duck. Nat hits the ground hard, and she just sees as Okoye lands nearby. She jumps up and attacks again, because it’s that or die. Nat lands on her back this time and the attack doesn’t stop. She pushes up desperately, feeling the kiss of a sharp blade at her neck. 

And then it’s gone. The weight comes off of her and Thanos’s bitchy follower is run over by one of the digger things. Liquid splatters back in Nat’s face as the body is torn apart above her. 

Nat sits up, sees Wanda sinking back down. She wipes her face, “That was really gross.” She gets up, helps Wanda to her feet, “Go. Help Vision.” Nat helps Okoye up and they follow on foot.

Everything stills for a second, Nat reaches Steve, Wanda, and Vision. Sam lands next to her. Bruce is there. Steve says quietly, “Everyone on my position. We have incoming.” 

Nat stares up at the sky, she also feels that there’s something coming, but there’s nothing there. Except. A wormhole opens up sixty feet away. “What the hell?”

A giant purple being steps out of it. Bruce’s voice shakes a little, “Cap, that’s him.”

“Eyes up,” Steve orders, “Stay sharp.” And he charges.

Everyone charges.

No one lands anything. Nat stares in horror as Bruce dematerializes and rematerializes half-encased in rock. As Sam, Steve, and T’Challa don’t even get close. As Rhodey and Bucky are tossed aside, bullets are useless. She looks at Okoye, they charge together. They’re way too far away. They aren’t going to make it. They’re all that’s left. 

Okoye flies over Nat’s head and she ducks and keeps charging. In the next instant, she’s sliding. All the air is knocked from her lungs as the ground shifts and swallows her to her shoulders.

Steve is on his knees ahead of her. Nat thinks she screams as Thanos punches him and Steve doesn’t get up. 

A blast of light hits Thanos and Nat’s heart soars. Then sinks. Wanda is blasting Thanos and it’s working. But she’s also killing Vision.

She doesn’t see an explosion, but Nat’s blasted back out of her prison. She slams into a tree. She blacks out. She blinks. Pushes herself to her feet. Something hurts inside her, but she ignores it. 

It’s oddly quiet. Everywhere Nat looks people are disintegrating. Nat’s feels cold all over. 

“Sam! Where you at?” Nat moves towards Rhodey’s voice. She doesn’t see Sam. 

She runs.

Nat tears towards where she last saw Wanda and Vision and her knees nearly give out when she sees Steve crouched over the lifeless colourless form of Vision. She registers that Rhodey, Bruce, and Thor are there. No Wanda, no Sam, no Bucky. 

But Steve’s alive.

He falls back hard onto his ass. Rhodey demands, “What is this? What the hell is happening?”

“Oh, God,” Steve murmurs. Nat stumbles a little from the pain in her stomach, and she pitches forward, catching herself on Steve’s shoulder. His other hand comes up automatically and grasps hers.

They’ve lost.

Chapter Text

Wakanda has no king.

In an hour they’ve managed to lose everything, but that news still hits them all like a brick. Everyone who isn’t dead or vanished is injured. Calls start coming in before they’ve walked all the way back to the palace. 

Nat feels herself going both physically and emotionally numb. This is how you survive the pain.

Everyone moves in a daze to patch wounds, distribute supplies, and take head counts. Nat sits. Takes the water someone gives her. Does not let go of Steve’s hand. 

Ringing. Annoying ringing. 

Her. She’s ringing. Not any of the official lines. A burner phone.

She fumbles, “Mmm.”

“They’re gone. They’re all gone.” Nat sits up at the broken raw sound of Clint’s voice, “They’re all gone, Nat.”

“What?”

“The kids, Laura, all gone.”

Nat closes her eyes. At that moment, the numbness turns off. The pain is unbearable. She chokes out, “Clint, I’m so sorry.” And Steve hangs up the phone when she starts vomiting uncontrollably.

Nat knows things have changed because she wakes up alone in the dark. She’s not truly alone, there’s a curtain drawn around the bed, and she can hear the sounds of misery on the other side of it. But there’s no sign of Steve, or Bruce, or any of the others.

Nat hurts. Badly. She’s cold. And naked again. 

She peels off the layer of bandages on her abdomen just as a Wakandan woman comes by to check her vitals, “Ah, ah! Do not touch.”

“This is surgery,” and Nat can’t believe how accusatory she sounds, “Regular surgery.” Something laparoscopic, for sure, but nothing like the fixing of Nat’s spine, “Where’s Shuri?”

“The Princess was lost,” says the woman solemnly, “You experienced the rupturing of your spleen. It is lucky you made it back before you collapsed.” Nat’s not sure what hurts worse – her freshly operated on spleen, or the knowledge that both T’Challa and Shuri are lost.

Nat tries to sit up and the woman chides her again. Nat finds out it’s late on the same day as the battle. She learns that Steve’s been trying to distribute supplies and medical care to the fields and surrounding settlements. She just keeps expecting him to be here.

Nat manages to sit up on her second attempt, once her visitor has left. 

She rips out her IV and dresses herself in one of the lab’s simple wraps. Her vest is sitting next to the bed and she pulls it on over top. She sees her tac-suit on the floor but it’s clearly been cut open to treat her so she leaves it. 

The rest of her body also hurts with every movement. She considers reattaching her IV and stealing whatever painkillers are in there. But she decides she can tough things out. 

Nat has to lean on the wall the whole way to the elevator and down the hall, but finally she gets to the door of the room she’d stayed in before.

She swings open the door and finds Steve.

He’s still wearing his suit. And he’s crying. Sitting in the dark at the foot of the bed, staring out the windows and weeping.

He doesn’t seem to hear the door, which is very unusual for Steve. She limps to his side and he jumps when she smooths her hands down over his shoulders, “Nat!” He shifts, “You’re not supposed to be here. Oh, God, I’m sorry.”

“Sh,” says Nat, “I’m fine, lyubimyy . The world needed you.”

He shakes his head, “I failed the world, and then you.”

“I am going to be just fine,” says Nat, “Minus one spleen.”

His face pales even more. Nat reaches over gingerly and nudges his new shield off the bed. It clatters to the floor, “Lay back, Soldier.”

He tries to protest, but she pushes his shoulder. It’s ineffective physically and she bites back a groan. He lays to humor her, falling back on top of the covers. She settles herself on her side, lays her head on his chest where his heartbeat thrums loudest. 

Her eyes burn with exhaustion, and the pain medication begins to wear off as the night goes on. But they both lay awake in each other’s arms, entirely silent. Nat doesn’t look at his face, because she knows she will start crying if she does. They don’t move until the sun crests on the horizon. 

In the morning, Nat’s world is dulled down to the pain in her abdomen and the few feet directly ahead of her. She forces Steve to take her with him to meet with Okoye and T’Challa’s mother, Queen Ramonda.

They exchange tallies, as far as they know right now, they’ve lost Bucky, Sam, Wanda, T’Challa, Shuri, Groot, and all the Bartons but Clint. Initial reports indicate that half of Okoye’s surviving forces were taken. Initial news reports from outside Wakanda indicate it’s a global problem. No one can get Nick or Maria on the phone. Nat tries Yelena and she doesn’t pick up. No one has news on Tony since the spaceship left New York with him on it.

Nat wants to go home. If home is still home.

They make them wait two days before flying. On the jet, things are quiet. Steve takes the wheel, leaving her to sit with the others. Thor says nothing, but lets Nat lean hard on his massive bicep. Bruce lets her squeeze his hand when for the first time in years flying makes Nat nauseous. She doesn’t let herself throw up, because she already knows that the pain of that will be worse.

She can see that Steve wants to put the jet on autopilot and hold her, but he wouldn’t do that before, so he shouldn’t do it now. Rocket comes with them too, until he can find out if any of his crew survived. Rhodey is already getting reports in from various government agencies regarding various situations. 

Pepper and Happy are waiting on the lawn when Steve helps her out of the ship. He makes a move like he’s going to carry her, but Nat insists on walking in. 

“Oh God! Nat!”

“It’s not a big deal,” says Nat, holding tight to Steve’s bicep, “Fuck it’s good to see you. Have you heard anything?”

Pepper’s eyes fill with tears, “No. And everyone’s gone. I’m scared –”

“We’ll find Thanos,” says Steve, “And while we look, we’ll look for any sign of Tony.”

Pepper decides to stay while they look. She’s got a lot to coordinate with Rhodey between Stark Industries and the Avengers, and what’s left of every agency in the world. 

Steve helps her to her own bed. It feels different than she remembers from the last time she slept in it. It gives her some weird deja vu feeling about their last stay in Wakanda. 

“Steve,” she lets him fuss with the blankets. That’s her crotchety old man. “If I ask really nicely, will you come lay beside me?”

“I should let you rest,” he says, “You don’t feel well.”

“I’ll feel better when we’ve both slept,” she says, firmly. “You have a concussion.”

“No, I don’t,” he says.

“Thanos knocked you out,” Nat said, “I saw it. And even if your stupid super serum healing fixed it already, can you just humor me, please?”

The please seems to shake something loose in Steve. His posture softens, “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Just for a few minutes, I should – I should check on the others and figure out how to find Thanos.”

Nat snuggles into his arms, but she doesn’t feel any better. Steve feels different. Distant. It had happened so gradually, that Nat’s forgotten what things were like when they were friends and colleagues and not this other different thing. But that different thing feels like it's slipping through her grasp and she feels horribly alone without it.

Three days later, they’re no closer to finding Thanos. The world is not adjusting well. Nat leaves the hunt to Thor and Steve and Bruce. She spends her time with Pepper deploying the Stark Relief Foundation resources. The Snap has been random, careless. Children and others unable to live independently have been left alone. Services that were vital are unable to run. The census data is woefully inadequate, and governments are scrambling to conduct new ones. 

Steve doesn’t come to her bed anymore. Nat’s not sure what to say to him or how to say it, so she doesn’t. If anyone else in the Compound notices it, they don’t bring it up either.

It hurts. As the days keep going by and she gets physically stronger, she finds herself longing for the connection. She has gotten used to the small touches throughout the day, the constant presence of someone who really cared. And it’s not just Steve’s emotional distance. She misses Sam and Wanda. 

Happy returns to the compound with a mystery. It’s taken a few days, since everything’s shrouded in six layers of mystery, but at the place they think Nick and Maria were last seen, a pager is discovered. Only it’s clearly been modified by some kind of advanced technology. It reminds Nat of one of Tony’s prototypes, though she can’t imagine Tony giving out anything short of perfection to Fury. 

Rhodey and Bruce spend hours examining it, and declare it’s still emitting some kind of signal, though they can’t get a sense of where or to whom it’s going. None of them recognize the logo and when the battery starts to rundown, they bypass it and it keeps on transmitting. Nat doesn’t know what it is, but she knows that it must have been the last thing Fury did before the Snap.

When she’s recovered enough to travel alone, she takes the jet to Iowa, finds a note for her from Clint telling her not to come looking until she ‘fixes this’. The rest of the house is eerily still and Nat sobs over the dining room table so long that it becomes embarrassing.

“Natasha?”

Nat looks up from where she’s trying to get supplies to a new building to establish a new orphanage in Kinasha. Bruce is looking nervous. She smiles as he brings her a cup of cocoa, “Thanks. You want to sit?”

“Not particularly,” says Bruce.

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Dr. Banner, don’t tell me you’re scared ?”

“Of you? Always, Widow,” and Nat melts into his warm smile. He sighs, “I’m worried about Cap.”

Nat feels like her cocoa is a trap. And it suddenly tastes chalky, even though since Shuri fixed her olfactory nerve, every food tastes so much more intense. “Yeah. Me too.”

“It’s been almost a week,” says Bruce, “He’s wallowing. And – I know you two don’t like anyone in your business, but you’d have to be blind not to see that you’re not okay.”

“Cap – Steve –” Nat sighs and leans her forehead all the way down to the tabletop, “I’m going to just talk to you like this, please don’t look at me.”

Bruce mutters something about her being emotionally stunted but doesn’t prompt her to look up. Nat vents. Bruce listens. She misses Clint almost as much as Steve, but his number’s dead now too. Bruce is an adequate substitute for now.

Bruce’s unhelpful advice is to talk to Steve. Nat thinks that’s a terrible idea. She lets Bruce hold her for a long time before she gets up to put herself to bed alone. “You’re a good friend. I missed you.”

“I’ll be in the lab,” he says softly, “If you need me.”

Nat goes looking for Steve against her better judgment. He’s stripped down to a soft-looking white t-shirt and she wants to drag him to bed and lay her head on that shirt until they both fall asleep. He’s staring at monitors, watching the new census data from Norway load. 

“This is a nightmare,” he says.

“I’ve had better nightmares,” murmurs Nat. There’s a beat of silence, and Nat opens her mouth to ask him – well she’s not sure what she wants to ask him – when there’s an interruption behind them.

“Hey.” Rhodey’s at the door, “So that thing, it’s stopped whatever the hell it was doing.”

Nat follows Rhodey to the lab, Steve hot on her heels. They all stare at the device, which yeah, is off now. “What have we got?”

“Whatever signal it was sending finally crapped out,” reports Bruce.

“I thought we bypassed the battery?” 

“Well we did,” says Rhodey, “It’s still plugged in, it just – it just stopped.”

Steve says, “Reboot it. Send the signal again.” And wow, Steve’s really modernized.

Bruce tries to temper expectations, “Well we don’t even know what this is.”

“Fury did,” says Nat, and she’s lost too many hopes this week to let go of this one, “Just do it please. And tell me the second you get a signal, I want to know who’s on the other end of that thing.”

Nat turns to go to bed, she’s lost Steve for another night and she doesn’t want to be humiliated by begging. Only –

Woman. Some kind of superhero suit. Blonde. Hasn’t tripped an alarm anywhere in the Compound. “Where’s Fury?”

“Who the hell are you?”

“None of your concern,” says the stranger, “Where’s Fury?”

“Gone,” says Steve, “In the Snap.”

Rocket comes barreling in, gun levelled, “Who the hell’s this broad?”

The woman doesn’t flinch at the sight of a talking gun-wielding raccoon, “My name is Carol Danvers. Nick’s my friend. And if he’s not on this planet, I’m going –”

“Wait,” Nat says, “Just wait. You’re Carol Danvers?”

Carol pauses, “You know who I am?”

Nat looks around the room, no one else is looking like they recognize the name. Nat’s starting to wonder if anyone but she and Tony actually read the files that brought them together, “I know of you. You inspired Fury to create this, create us .”

Carol looks doubtful, “And who are you, exactly?”

Rhodey sighs, “Dude, we’re The Avengers .”

Carol frowns at the name, “Okay, and if Fury’s not here, why did you call, exactly?”

Steve explains the Snap, Carol explains her powers and how she knows Fury. Nat thinks it’s not so different from Wanda – who got her powers from the Mind Stone, where Carol’s come from the Space Stone.

Carol agrees to scout some of the nearest life-bearing planets to determine if Thanos’s Snap has had the same effects there as it has on Earth. Rocket asks her to keep an eye out for a ship called the Benatar. 

That was two weeks ago, and they haven’t heard back from Carol. It’s been hours of tossing and turning, Nat decides she’s done and she gets up.

She finds Steve’s room empty. 

He’s sitting alone at the kitchen table. He looks up as she comes in. Nat pours two cups of coffee and sits down at the adjacent seat. He doesn’t meet her eyes, “Thanks.”

“Do you still love me?” Nat doesn’t mean to cry, and that’s usually enough to keep it from happening, but she is already tearing up. 

Steve pushes his coffee cup around on the table, “You know I do.”

“Do I?” Nat pushes her chair back, “You know, forget it. This is stupid. Three billion people are dead and I’m laying up at night wondering if you'll ever touch me again. And what I did to make you hate me? No, you’re right, that’s fine and normal.”

Steve finally looks up, “What?”

“Oh come on, Steve,” says Nat, “We’re adults, aren’t we? And we’ve always been friends. Please, if you’re mad at me, or something, just tell me.”

Steve blinks up at her, “Nat, I’m not mad at you. I thought you were mad at me . I’ve been giving you space .”

“Space? You gave me an entire galaxy! You won’t look at me, you won’t touch me, you won’t talk to me unless it’s about Thanos!” Nat slams her coffee cup down on the table so hard that the handle breaks off and coffee dribbles all over.

It’s the final straw. She bursts into tears. 

Steve seems suddenly spurred into action. He mops up coffee with one hand, and he kneels next to her chair, pulling her close to him with the other, “I’m sorry. Shit, Nat, I’m so sorry.”

Nat clings to him, “I didn’t want space, I wanted you, dummy.”

He pulls her out of her chair so that she’s sitting on his lap on the floor. “I wanted to protect you.”

That’s usually her line. “Protect me from what?”

“The overwhelming sense of failure I have,” he says, “I just feel… small, toxic, helpless…”

Nat leans her head against his shoulder, “ We lost, Steve. We all lost. And I – I know you tend to take any loss really hard, whether it’s your fault or not, but you can’t – please just don’t shut me out.”

He just holds her, “I’m not mad at you. I’m so damn grateful you’re alive, and I feel guilty for it when so many people are gone. Why would I have been mad at you?”

His asking is the first time Nat’s able to articulate, even to herself, her fears, “We lost because of me.”

“What?” She nearly falls out of his lap, “Nat, that’s crazy. You just said yourself, we all lost.”

“Wanda left the lab to save me,” Nat says, “If she’d stayed with Vision –”

“Oh Jesus, Natasha,” Steve groans, ducking and kissing the skin of her shoulder, “Nat, Wanda did it. She destroyed the Stone in time. Thanos put it back together. It wouldn’t have mattered. Not a damn thing we did mattered, any of us.:

Nat wipes the tears off her face, “Look at us, we’re a mess.”

“Steve?”

“I know we don’t talk enough,” says Nat, “Not about… this. But you spent four years opening me up, and I can’t just turn that off again – or at least, I don’t want to. We lost enough, Steve, don’t make me lose you too.”

He twists her around gently, so they’re facing one another, “What if I’m not a hero anymore? I’m just a man out of time?”

She runs her fingers through his hair gently, “Steve, it's cute that you think that’s what I love about you in the first place. All the best parts of you now are the same things every report swears you had as a kid from Brooklyn. And I’ve got news for you, we’re not done being heroes. In fact, I think we’re needed more than ever. We might never find Thanos. But there are a lot of people who are in a whole lot of trouble right now. Everyone else is gone, Steve. We’re the Avengers.”

He kisses her hard. Nat melts into him. He kisses down her neck as he grips the hem of her tank top, “Can I –?”

“Please,” she whispers.

Steve peels her shirt off and she does the same to him, popping a couple buttons in her hurry. She reaches to undo his belt. His hands slide under her leggings, pushing them down past her knees. He lays her on the floor, kissing every inch of her he can reach. His hand pause mid-slide over her stomach, “Does this hurt?”

“Not if you’re gentle,” she smiles, “Come here.”

She urges him on, removing the last of their clothes, tangling their bodies together. There haven’t been many times lately when they’ve been able to take things slow. They press into one another, exploring for sensitive bits of skin, listening for a hitch in the other’s breathing.

Steve pushes into her still kissing across her chest. He thrusts into her in a slow, intentional way that Nat associates with TV and movies, something you’d frame a shot around to show just how passionate the sex was – certainly not something a real human would do. 

She gasps against his shoulder, “Steve!”

He kisses the next gasp from her, still driving into her steadily. “I love you, Nat. I love you so much.”

They have only said those words a handful of times, and never ever during sex. She’s never let the two things be related before.

Nat rolls them over so she’s straddling him, “I love you too, Steve.”

As they crest and fall, Nat lowers herself onto his chest. She lays across his chest and listens to his breathing, “We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and his chest rumbles against her ear with the words, “But I know we’re going to figure it out together. Like you said.” She closes her eyes, breathes in and feels him breathe out at the same time beneath her.

“You two are disgusting.” Nat sits up fast at the sound of Rhodey’s voice.

She and Steve are laying naked on the kitchen floor.

She sits up, and reaches for her jacket. She shoves Steve’s shirt over his hips. He groans, “Ow. Good morning.”

Rhodey steps over their legs to get to the coffee pot, “Seriously, you have two rooms and you’re gonna do that where we eat? Nasty.”

“Fuck off, Rhodey,” Nat says – they’ve never been caught before, not even living close quarters with Sam and Wanda. She gets to her feet and collects her clothes, “Any news?”

“Nothing,” he says, so she goes to her room to get dressed.

It’s like a switch has flipped in Steve. When she gets back to the kitchen and sits down Steve brings her a coffee and his hand slides down her arm before he sits next to her. Bruce is making breakfast because he’s the best cook out of the remaining Avengers and Nat sees him noticing. 

As Steve heads back to watch census data roll in with Rocket, and Rhodey goes to do whatever he does, Nat follows Bruce down to the lab. 

He doesn’t comment as she sits on one of Tony’s work benches and occasionally hands him things. She passes him a tablet and sighs, “Just say what you want to say, Banner.”

“Told you so,” he says.

Nat groans, “You don’t know that.”

“I know you and Cap are usually more careful,” says Bruce, “So this must have been important.”

“Hey!”

When Nat hears Steve shout she assumes they’re under attack. She nearly shoots him in his unexpectedly clean shaven face.“What the hell?”

“Ship,” he says, “Outside, come on.”

Nat follows him, they pick up Bruce, Rocket and Rhodey along the way. Pepper’s already outside. Rocket shouts, “Yes! Yes! It’s my ship!

Nat stares up at the sight of what seems to be a woman carrying a spaceship. She shouldn’t be surprised to see something like that at this point, but after three weeks of near-silence and stillness around them, she’s taken aback. But Carol just sets the ship on the lawn like the most normal thing in the world.

Steve runs to help Tony down. 

“I lost the kid.” Nat closes her eyes. She would never dream of telling Tony she told him so on this one, not ever, but she feels a blanket of guilt settling over her shoulders – she should have put her foot down the second she saw Peter Parker at that airport.

“Tony, we lost.”

Tears run down Nat’s face as she watches Pepper pull Tony into her arms. He spots her, “Oh come on now, Mrs. America. Don’t look so sad on my account.” 

Nat wipes her face as Pepper and Steve move together to help him inside. She lets herself have a watery laugh knowing there are still a lot of Americans alive who would shudder to hear anyone refer to Natasha Romanoff that way. 

Inside, they add Stephen Strange, Peter Parker, and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy besides Nebula to the confirmed missing list and they catch Tony up. Tony’s malnourished, dehydrated, weak, it hurts Nat’s heart to look at him.

Tony doesn’t care. He has one thing and one thing only on his mind, “Where is he now? Where?”

Steve says, “We don't know. He just opened a portal and walked through.” 

Tony looks around at all of them like he can’t believe they would like that happen. He points at Thor, “What's wrong with him?”

Rocket shrugs, “Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?” And yeah, there is.

“We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now,” says Steve, “Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him –”

Tony objects to that narrative, “Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. That's what happened. There was no fight. He's unbeatable.”

Steve ignores that Tony’s getting emotional, “Okay. Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”

“I saw this coming a few years back,” says Tony, and Nat’s forgotten that Tony’s like this. The rambling stream of consciousness at all times, “I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.”

Nat thinks that Steve might deserve another medal for this level of patience, “Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus.”

The word ‘need’ seems to set Tony off even more, “And I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” He tries to stand, grabs at the table, knocking stuff off it trying to balance, “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling all youse –” Tony rips at his IV, “– Alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not – that's what we needed!”

“Well, that didn't work out, did it?” 

Tony’s getting close to yelling, “I said, ‘we'd lose’. You said, ‘We'll do that together too.’ And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers , we're the Avengers . Not the Prevengers .”

Rhodey tries to get Tony to sit back down, “Just sit. Sit down.”

Tony shakes Rhodey off, and gets in Steve’s face. “I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar.”

Steve looks crushed at the words ‘no trust’. If it weren’t for the fact that Tony was skin and bone, Nat would have a few things to say about that. Tony rips the housing unit for his suit’s arc reactor off his chest and slaps it into Steve’s hand, “Here. Take this. You find him, and you put that on. And you hide.” 

Tony sits down hard, “Tony!”

Tony tries to get up again, then passes out completely. 

Steve lifts Tony in one solid motion, carries him to the med bay, and gets out of Bruce’s way. Rhodey stays in the room and so does Pepper. Nat stares through the glass and hopes that she didn’t get her friend back just to lose him. She’s also pissed at him and she wants to tell him he’s wrong to his stupid awake face.

When she excuses herself to pace somewhere more private, Steve follows, “You okay?”

“No,” she says grumpily, “No! I’ve spent two years thinking about how we’re going to make things up to Tony and it’s all bullshit!”

Steve frowns, “What? Nat, what are you talking about?”

“We were here,” she shouts at no one, “The whole time! All he had to do was pick up the fucking phone! He was the one who got engaged while we were sleeping on dirt floors. We were here. We were together !”

Steve looks more stunned by her outburst than by Tony’s, “Natasha –”

“I don’t care,” she whispers, “We all lost a lot of people on this one. He doesn’t get to blame you for it, I don’t care if you think you can take it, or even if you think you deserve it. You’re both wrong.”

Steve’s arms crush her for a moment, a little too hard. “I have been waiting for two years to hear you say that.”

Nat laughs through tears, “You’re a jerk.”

Steve waits for her to stop crying and clean herself up before they rejoin Carol in waiting for news about Tony. Nat doesn’t really know Carol, therefore doesn’t really trust Carol, but they’re short on allies.

Rhodey relays, “Bruce gave him a sedative. He's gonna probably be out for the rest of the day.”

Carol nods, “You guys take care of him. And I'll bring him a Xorrian Elixir when I come back.”

She starts walking away, and Nat asks, “Where are you going?”

“To kill Thanos.”

Like it’s that easy. Nat looks at Steve, checking that he heard what she heard. He did. They go after her, “Hey, you know, we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morale's a little fragile.”

“We realize up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too,” says Steve. 

Rhodey has also come after them, “You even know where he is?”

“I know people who might,” says Carol.

“Don't bother,” says Nebula, “I can tell you where Thanos is. Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask ‘where would we go once his plan was complete?’. His answer was always the same: ‘To the Garden’.”

“That's cute,” snarks Rhodey, “Thanos has a retirement plan.”

Finding Thanos turns out to be step one. Because now there’s a debate on what they’ll actually do about Thanos. Carol’s the one who proposes using the Stones to undo the Snap. Nat’s on board with that plan, “Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this, I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try.”

Bruce isn’t convinced, “If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?”

“Because before, you didn't have me.” Nat looks at Steve. At least with Tony, it’s the megalomaniac you know…  

Rhodey scoffs, “Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?”

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys.”

Thor hasn’t said more than twenty words in the last three weeks. Nat honestly keeps forgetting he’s in the Compound. He stands behind Carol and summons his ax next to her face. When she doesn’t flinch, he smiles, “I like this one.” Nat’s not sure that’s enough for her to like Carol. But she wants to get Thanos.

Clearly Steve’s on the same page, “Let's go get this son of a bitch.”

Nat stares at Steve behind her in the mirror as they suit up. He looks up and catches her, “What?”

She shakes her head, “I know I just said it was all bullshit, but it doesn’t feel right not to bring Tony.”

“He’s too sick, we can’t wait,” says Steve in a very intentional way that Nat interprets as agreement that it feels wrong. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response,” says Nat.

Carol takes off on her own power, and Nat’s going to need people to stop getting their over the top superpowers from Infinity Stones, because that just seems wildly overpowered. They let the raccoon drive the spaceship, since he went through the trouble of fixing it, and he and Nebula both swear that it’s his.

The raccoon asks, “Okay, who here hasn't been to space?”

Nat raises her hand as does Steve and Rhodey. Rhodey asks, “Why?”

“You better not throw up on my ship,” warns Rocket.

As they go through the jump point, Steve grips the seat so hard it groans. She puts her hand on top of his and hangs on. Nat’s stomach flips once, but she’s not going to 

“I’ll head down for recon.” 

Nat unbuckles her seatbelt and stares down at the planet below them. She watches the streak of light that is Carol diving down towards the surface. She moves to stand beside Steve for a better view but stops when she sees what he’s holding. A compass with a photo of Peggy in it. He snaps it closed. Not like he’s hiding it from her. Just like it’s private. It still stings a little, her first instinct is jealousy. But there’s a deeper worry under there that scares her even more, “This is gonna work, Steve.”

“I know it will,” he says back, “Cause I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't.” And Nat feels cold all over again, like she did when people started disappearing. He takes her hand, but she feels no comfort in his touch.

Carol comes back, “No satellites, no ships, no armies, no ground defenses of any kind. It's just him.”

“And that’s enough,” Nebula reminds them not to let their guards down. 

Nat and Steve are regulated to late arrival, and she thinks it might be because of her injury, even though she feels fine. If Nat had any doubts left at all that Bruce is stuck as Bruce, they die when Bruce screams “You murdered trillions!” And punches Thanos in the face.

Thanos gloats, “I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be. I am inevitable.”

Nat almost throws up when Thanos’s head comes off. Not because she’s squeamish about decapitation – she’s not – but because that’s the end.

Rocket whispers, “What did you do?”

“I went for the head,” says Thor softly. He turns and walks out

Nat looks over at Steve. Sees the emptiness on his face. She takes his hand as they walk back to the ship. 

Nat cries the whole way home as the last false hope is shattered. She sees the terrible numbness that’s plagued her intermittently for weeks sinking into the rest of them. 

As the ship touches down, Nat decides what to do next. A new purpose – one she wishes she’d been able to see for herself before. She’s not sure she’s really going to be able to pull this off, but she can’t sit by anymore.

She herds them all into Tony’s room, still in their suits and squashed in together. She rounds the bed and leans over Tony “We’re back, and I don’t care how mad you are. Sit down, Steve .” Steve takes the chair next to Tony opposite Pepper. Nat glares at the two of them, “Thanos is dead. The Stones are gone. Half the universe is gone. All of us are still here. So here’s the thing. We’re the fucking Avengers. And I don’t actually give a shit who was right or who was wrong. This is my team, my family, and I’m sick of all of you insisting you’re the most powerful or richest, or smartest or whatever. I tried to keep us together and you two tore it all apart. So from now on, you’re all going to put egos aside and listen to me.”

Tony protests, “Well that’s not fair, you and Cap –” 

“If you’re suggesting that I’m going to listen to Cap over you because of sex, I will – all due respect, Pepper – fuck you right here, right now.” And Nat doubts Tony Stark has ever looked so afraid to be propositioned in his life. She looks around the room, “We need to get lines of communication open. We need to know who needs what and how to get supply chains back up and running. The world needs to start turning again and it’s up to us to make that happen.”

Chapter Text

Turns out, all of those tasks were actually a hundred smaller and more difficult than imagined tasks. And to the credit of the others, for a little while, they rise. 

Nat’s days are filled from the moments she gets up to the moment she passes out at night. Tony gets better. People who need saving are saved. Every new problem has a solution. 

Cracks start showing after the first few months.

Thor leaves to settle the remains of his people. Clint stays gone. Tony buys Bruce a gamma radiation lab, and while Nat assumes Mexico isn’t the only option, that doesn’t stop Bruce from leaving. Rocket and Nebula head back to space, as does Carol. Rhodey goes to DC to be more hands-on as the world tries to reorganize. Nat has to admit that it makes things easier on that front, and everyone agrees to regular meetings, but it leaves her and Steve alone.

July 4th passes with no fireworks. 

At the end of August Nat stands next to Steve as Pepper walks down the aisle. It’s a private ceremony. Every time she catches herself smiling, she wants to cry. Bruce and Rhodey both come up for the occasion. 

She sneaks away with Steve during the first dance and they have sex perched against the sink in the ladies' room. 

It’s starting to get cold for the first time in late September. 

Steve’s started running a support group in the city, and it keeps him there part of the week. Every week he asks if she’ll go with him. But she belongs here. As lonely as things are on her own in the Compound, she finds a peace with it.

After two years with Steve, Sam, and Wanda, she’s starting to remember that she likes being alone sometimes. So for now, Steve can have his little place in Brooklyn, as long as he comes back to her every week.  And today she’s on a solo mission anyways.

Nat does her hair in curls, and puts on heels and a dress. Aside from the wedding, she hasn’t dressed up like this in years. The undercover work she did with Sam and Steve rarely called for this look.

She’s learning how to cook, a bit. Tonight she’s not risking anything going wrong, she’s ordered in. She spreads a blanket out on the rooftop garden. She sits and waits as Steve's bike rumbles up the driveway. 

She gets up and goes inside to greet him. 

He stops, keys dangling from his fingertips, “Wow.”

She smiles, “Hey there, Soldier.”

She reaches for him and he embraces her, still seeming confused, “What’s all this?”

“The only dates you’ve ever taken me on have involved people trying to kill us,” says Nat, “And I figure, this time we’d try a bottle of wine instead.”

The wine’s really for her, since it takes so much before Steve feels it. 

She hands him his plate and they go outside. It’s a bit too cold for her, but it’s peaceful. He tells her about his day, she updates him on Rocket and Nebula’s check in.

As she takes his plate he moves to get up, “No, sit. I’ll be right back.”

He shrugs and settles back on the blanket. She cups her hand protectively over the flame as she steps back out onto the roof. Steve’s staring at the sky, “This is… beautiful. Nat, seriously, this is – what is that?”

Nat smiles, “Now you know how I feel about birthdays. But the way I see it, one hundred’s a big one.”

Steve looks from her to the cupcake she’s balancing with a lit candle stuck in the top of it, “Nat –”

Nat holds the baked good closer to his face, “Happy Birthday, Steve.”

He looks a little bewildered still as he blows out the candle. She folds her legs under her as she sits next to him. “I’m really only 39, you know.”

“I know that you were born a hundred years ago,” she says, “And you should say thank you and split this stupid cupcake with your very thoughtful friend.”

“Thank you for this,” he says, and he means it. He breaks it in half and hands her half, “Everyone thinks my birthday’s in July.”

“If they waited around for a perfect candidate who also was born on the fourth of July, they never would’ve made a super soldier,” says Nat, “But you know how I feel about it – the truth isn’t all things to all people.”

Steve kisses her gently, “Thank you for celebrating my real birthday. And finding something to celebrate at all.”

Nat leans her head on his shoulder as they stare up at the sky. The moon’s waning but still shining down plenty of light to create shadows in the clouds. 

Steve takes off his jacket and puts it over her shoulders, “You dressed up for me.”

“Special day,” she says, pulling the jacket tighter, “Don’t get used to it.”

“You’re a knockout,” Steve leans in to kiss her, “But I think you’d look better in one of my shirts after I’ve taken that off and let you have your way with me.”

“Captain Rogers,” she grins, “I believe you’ve guessed what your gift is.”

Bruce and Rhodey come for Christmas. Tony and Pepper come for New Years. The second Pepper gets out of the car, Nat knows.

Pepper doesn’t tell her until they’re doing dishes after dinner and makes her promise not to tell Steve or let Tony know she spilled the beans.

Instead of celebrating a new year with noise makers and champagne, they all raise a toast to the people they’ve lost as the calendar flips over to a new year.

Steve’s hands smooth her dress over her hips as they wave goodbye, “Does this count as our first double date?”

Nat leans back against him, “We don’t know any other couples, so I think we better take the chance to say yes.”

Steve kisses her jawline, “Tony told me a secret.”

“I think I know the secret,” Nat says, “He’s going to be a really good dad, isn’t he?”

Steve pulls away, “Pepper told you?”

“She confirmed it,” Nat says, “It’s – it’s good. I’m happy for them.”

“You gotta practice that before they start telling people,” he says with a smile, but that fades as he spins her to face him, “This is a good thing, Nat. They love each other, you just said, they’re going to be great.”

Nat sighs as she collects the glasses from their toasts and brings them to the sink, “I have a thing.”

Steve follows her, “Is the thing you have a hysterectomy?”

Nat sets the glasses down and turns to tell Steve that she doesn’t want to bring in the New Year with a fight. But he’s looking up at her so earnestly , trying to honestly understand her hurts. She just nods.

He frowns, “But Laura –?”

Nat winces. She misses Laura and the kids, even if they’d been apart long before Thanos. “Yeah. I know. I’ll get there with Tony and Pepper too, promise.” She starts washing the glasses but Steve’s seeming unappeased by her answer. She turns back around, “I don’t even know if I wanted kids. I was raised knowing I’d either die or graduate and then they did it and I never even got to think about it.”

She wraps her arms around herself, “All I knew for a long time was how to end lives. I couldn’t create one if I wanted to. Now… I thought I knew how to save lives, but…”

Steve grimaces, “Nat, the world’s adjusting the best it can, you’re helping as best you can.”

She crosses the kitchen and sits herself in his lap, arms looping around his neck, “You’re real sweet, Rogers.” 

They sit like that for a long time before Nat whispers, “I’m scared.”

He flinches, “Scared? Of what?”

Nat laughs so she doesn’t start crying on one of his nicer shirts, “You want a list?”

“If you have it, I want it,” he says, “List away, Romanoff. You might not know this about me, but I have a whole bravery thing.”

That makes her laugh a little for real. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She leans her cheek against his chin so she didn’t have to look him right in the eye as she laid her soul bare. “I’m scared things are going to start feeling normal. A new kind of normal.”

“Isn’t that the point? What’s done can’t be undone?”

“Fear number two,” Nat says, “This is our lives now and you realize that without getting into life or death situations or being on the run from most world governments, we’re actually just two roommates.”

“I –”

“Still going,” Nat doesn’t let him interrupt, “You asked for the list, you get the list, Cap. Three, the one that got us into this, I’m scared you’re going to want something more. Something more that I don’t have?”

“What? Marriage? A baby?”

“For starters,” she says.

“Listen I know I’m a bit old fashioned sometimes,” says Steve, “But don’t you think if I was angling for that kind of thing, we’d’ve had this talk a long time ago? Not even touching the kid thing, Nat, I want only to meet you where you are.” And yeah, after waiting two years for her to tell him she loved him back, Nat has every reason to believe that’s the truth.

Nat closes her eyes, “If you’re waiting for me to get somewhere, I don’t know that I am ever going to be more than this, Steve. This is where I am.”

“This is what I want,” he says, no hesitation, “Nat, I don’t really know how to say this without sounding like a bit of a jerk –”

“You can be a jerk,” she says, “As long as you’re honest.”

“I’m always honest,” he says, “Nat, I used to want all that stuff. You know me, even pre-serum I had this idea of what life was supposed to be like and a can-do attitude. I just… the guy who came out of the ice mourned that. And not because I loved Peggy and that was gone, though that was part of it at first…”

Nat pulls away from Steve slightly to look at his face. He finds the words he’s looking for, “After we hooked up, and Sam and I were looking for Bucky, there was a gal…” 

And yeah, they’d never talked about the months before Steve strolled back into Avengers’ Tower, but Nat had assumed a gal or two based on some things Steve had done with her afterwards that Nat certainly hadn’t taught him. She can’t resist poking a bit of fun, this whole night’s been too emotional, “Steven Rogers, you cad.”

He laughs, a real laugh, “It made me realize, I had to be careful. About, you know, fathering a child. I don’t know if my child would be like me now, or like me then, but either way, I’d be terrified. I get why they wouldn’t let me in the army for so long. And finding out about Buck, made me certain that the last thing the world needed was more super soldiers.” He grins, “Plus there was this dame back home I was hoping would take pity on me when I got back home, and she wasn’t exactly the homemaker type.”

Nat smiles back, lets him kiss her. He holds her so she can’t pull too far away. “Nat, even before you told me you couldn’t have kids, I knew you and the life we were both living. I figured, if you wanted to retire someday for all that, you would, and I’d decide what I wanted then. But you and I, we built this family. Not Fury, not Tony – they gave us building blocks – you and I built a family. We’re the ones who stayed, who trained Sam, Vis, and Wanda when Tony wanted to give civilian life another go. We’re the ones now, even if they’re not all here.”

She lays her head back on his shoulder, “And in five years? Ten? A hundred? I don’t know about you, but Steve, my body’s going to give out eventually.”

“We should find you a hobby before then,” he suggests, “That sounds like the worst possible reason to have a baby. And Nat, can I make a suggestion that you seriously consider before you storm out?”

Nat tightens her arms around his neck, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” he laughs dubiously, “I think you should come with me to the city, just this week, and you should go see that orphanage you built. I know you get reports sent, but you should go, see the kids you’ve been lookin’ after.”

“And that’ll make me feel better?”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly, “I think it might hurt at first. But you’re not leaving this place enough, and when I start feeling low, I like to know I helped someone.”

She smiles against the skin of my neck, “Maybe. Can I tell you my next fear?”

“Good Lord, Natasha,” Steve laughs, “I guess that’s on me for assuming that a conversation about not having kids would be the end of the list. Hit me.”

She’s leaning on his right shoulder, but she can still hear the sound of his heartbeat against her ear, “I’ve been walking around for months, absolutely terrified that you will do anything to undo this.” She has to take a breath to get the words out, “You’re a hero, Steve. Not in a throw a shield through a wall kind of way. In a throw-yourself-on-a-grenade, nosedive-a-plane-in-the-Arctic kind of way. And I love that about you, lyubimyy , I do. It’s always scared me, the idea that one day you might do it again. But since Thanos… I’m really really scared, Steve.”

“There’s nothing I can do about Thanos,” Steve says, “He’s dead, the Stones are destroyed.”

“There’s nothing you can do right now ,” she corrects, “Isn’t that why I’m still here watching monitors every night? Why when people all over the world are relocating, reorganizing, we’re still here?”

He kisses the top of her head in a way that’s way too gentle for the Black Widow. “If I wasn’t that guy, I’d be a hundred years old right now, and this would be very weird.”

She smacks him, which hurts her more than it does him, “You’re laughing at me? I’m serious, Steve.”

She reaches into his pocket, pulls out the compass, “Whoa, Nat –”

“I’m not some silly little girl,” Nat says, “I’m thirty five. And I know you too, you know. When you look at this, yeah, you miss her. But you also associate this with doing the right thing, going into the ice. You have a literal moral compass. ” 

Steve sighs, “Nat –”

“I don’t know when or how,” she says, “But I fell in love with you. And – and I have survived losing a lot of people. And I will probably survive losing you. But I am asking you – begging you – to remember that this kind of thing isn’t coming around for me again if you sacrifice yourself.”

“You want me to promise you I won’t sacrifice myself? That I won’t trade my life for billions?”

“No,” she says, kissing his cheek, “That would be like asking you to stop being you. I’m just asking that you don’t do it unless you really have to.”

He slides a hand under her knees and stands, lifting her with him, “Permission to have nightmares about this conversation?”

“Permission granted,” she says as he carries her to his room. 

He lays her on the bed, “You might, you know.”

She frowns, “What?”

“Find this kind of thing again,” he says, “If you let yourself. I did.”

She smiles up at him as she kicks off her shoes, “You just got lucky.”

He grins at her from the edge of the bed, “Well one of us did, that’s for sure.”

Steve’s out at his support group and Nat’s alone in his apartment in Brooklyn. She wanders around listlessly in one of his button up shirts with her coffee. She hates coming to the city, it’s far too empty and that inescapable reminder hurts. 

She has lived with Steve for a lot of the time they’ve known each other, but unlike on the run, or even at the Compound, he’s settling in here. Leaves his toothbrush in a cup by the sink instead of packing it away. 

She opens his medicine cabinet, finds a razor and shaving cream but it’s not as empty as otherwise expected. There’s a little first aid kit, some over the counter pain meds. Nat checks over the cold medicine, it’s unopened. Same with the allergy meds. Seal intact on the cough drops packet. 

Weird, but Steve’s got a reputation for being prepared, even if he’ll never need most of this stuff. 

She looks through his albums, Steve has taken to vinyl record collecting, even though he missed the post-war boom of vinyl for civilian use. Nat holds the Trouble Man soundtrack in her hands for a long time, knowing he loves it because Sam does. 

There are a stack of sketchbooks on the table. She knew he could draw, he’d sketch while they were on the run pretty often. He’s really taken it up again since the support group started. 

She sits on the couch and picks up the first one. She sees places and people reflected back at her that she doesn’t recognize. 

She flips through to more recently crafted pages, the faces start to become more recognizable. Peggy, Bucky, Howard Stark – images of a war Nat was taught about from books. 

She’s contemplating the skeletal inhuman face of what is otherwise a man in a Nazi uniform when Steve gets back. 

She holds the image out over the back of the couch, “This is a real guy? When people say Red Skull, they mean that literally?”

Steve takes the sketchbook and closes it, “Yep. Before there was me… that’s what the serum created from Johann Schmidt.” He sets the book aside, “You don’t want to hear old war stories do you? You’ve heard them all by now.” 

Nat draws him to sit with her on the couch, “I’ll tell you a story then.”

He raises an eyebrow, “A real story?”

Nat nods, “If you want one.”

Steve reaches under her borrowed shirt, making her squeal as his hands – cold from the February air – touch her skin, “Steve!”

He chuckles and pulls her in for a kiss, “Tell me about leaving Ohio.”

Nat closes her eyes. She’s told him the bones of the story – three years away from the Red Room, and then going back like it never happened. “Is this how you trick me into talking about my grief or trauma?”

Steve sighs, “No, I just… sorry, I had a hard day. I spent… so long looking for Bucky, trying to fix him, and he’s just… gone. I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you talk about something that hurts you if you don’t want to.”

Nat pulls away from him, takes his hands in her own as she resettles next to him, “I was already in the Red Room, I don’t remember a time I wasn’t in the Red Room. I was eight when I was brought to Melina and Alexei and told to pretend to be their daughter. Yelena was three. They took us to a bunch of different sets and took a million pictures of us, and even though I knew it was fake, it felt real, because no one had ever let my picture be taken before except for the yearly photos they took of all the girls. And this was different.”

Nat curls into Steve’s side, still holding his hands hostage, “For three years, we acted like a family. We were a family, it was so hard sometimes to remember that it wasn’t real. I had blue hair, I rode my bike, I played with the other kids in the neighborhood.” 

Steve smiles, “I bet you were a smartass kid, huh?”

Nat smiles, “More… quiet. I didn’t know how to react when Melina tried to be my mother. She’d kiss Yelena’s scrapped knees and make us dinner, and no one ever did those things for me. And one night Alexei came home from work, and he seemed off. And he tells us we’re going on a trip, an adventure, and Yelena was so excited, but Melina apologized to me. And I think that’s what tipped me off that I was going back to the Red Room.”

Nat can almost feel it again, the terror as Alexei drove them out of the neighbourhood. The sirens. “We got in the car, and Yelena was just clueless, but something was really wrong, you know? And they take us to this airstrip, like basically just a field, and we’d been there a lot of times, but never at night, and Alexei and Melina were rushing us. And the police – I didn’t know until later it was actually S.H.I.E.L.D. – arrived before we got off the ground. And Melina got shot before Alexei got in the plane. So she pulls me to the front to take off –”

“Wait, you could fly a plane then?”

Nat looks up at Steve, “What, you thought they just taught ballet and how to seduce and kill men? Of course I could fly a plane.”

“Where’d you go?”

“Cuba,” Nat says, “I thought Melina was dying when we got there. And when they took Melina, Yelena freaked out. One of the KGB Agents tried to pick her up, and I stole his gun. I wanted to take her back, protect her from that place. But Alexei – the man who’d spent three years playing our father – said everything would be fine. They drugged us and brought us back to Russia and cycled me through again. They separated us, and even if I had seen Yelena again, I wouldn’t have spoken to her unless ordered to.”

Steve ducks his head, “I don’t know how anyone decides that a child can live like that. I don’t know how you come out of that a good person.”

“I didn’t,” says Nat, twisting her Avengers watch on her wrist, “Not for a long time. I was a killer.” She kisses his cheek gently, “Even after I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. I wasn’t really better, or good. I was just running. Sure, I liked Clint, we were friends by the time I got out of the KGB. But it wasn’t until, you know this , that I realized what being a hero was.”

Steve grins, “What? So it’s my fault?”

She laughs and bumps her shoulder into him, “Shut up! No, not us us, I mean us , you know, The Avengers. New York. That’s what made sense, felt right. Felt worth dying for.”

She puts her head on his shoulder, watches as it’s starting to snow outside. “You tell me a story now? Doesn’t have to be a war story. Tell me a Steve story, and not one of those ones they have in the museum.”

He thinks for a moment, “Okay. But you can never ever tell Tony this story.”

“Cross my heart,” Nat promises eagerly, “Tell me.”

“Well, as you’re aware, pre-serum Steve Rogers… not popular with the ladies.” Steve grins at her self-deprecatingly. “And not just ‘cause I was small and sickly. On top of that I was also very awkward, and I had a real complex. I'd pick a fight with near about anyone to prove I could hold my own. Which I couldn’t, by the way. Buck was always bailin’ me out of jams.”

Nat smirks, “You were a real troublemaker, Rogers.”

“Well on that very first mission, the one where I went rogue with Peggy to save the 107th?” 

Nat nods, that’s one of the most famous Captain America exploits in history, “Everyone knows that one.”

“Yeah, well, no one knows this part,” says Steve, “God, I can’t believe I’m tellin’ you this, Nat. Peggy convinced Stark to take me in his plane. And there wasn’t a good spot for a landing, you know? So I was dropping in and they were going to pick me up later. And they were going to be in a lot of trouble for helping me.”

“Clearly,” says Nat with a smile, “So did you kiss her?”

“Told you I was bad with the ladies,” Steve reminds her, “Clueless, wildly uninformed and jealous.”

“You got better,” Nat assures him.

“As I’m about to jump out of this plane, Stark invites Peggy to stop in Lucerne on the way back for ‘a late night fondue’.” 

Nat winces, “Oh Steve.”

“I jumped from the plane half because the Nazis started shooting at us,” he laughs, “And half because I just wanted to get the hell out of there.”

“What happened when you got back?”

“She didn’t say anything about it,” he says, “Not until the next time I made an ass of myself. And believe me, I did.”

Nat feels his sadness, “I don’t think we’re very good at this ‘cheering one another up’ deal, Rogers.”

He puts his arms around her waist and pulls her into his lap, “Maybe not. But they were good stories, huh?”

Nat suggests, “Movie?”

“Not James Bond,” he pleads.

“Fine,” she says, “Have we watched Holes yet?”

Soon, it’s been an entire year since the snap. Nat’s pretty drunk when Steve gets home.

He was gone when she got up, and he’s been out most of the day with no word on whether or not he was planning to stay in the city or not. She cries in the shower, then starts drinking before lunch. He comes in and places a small box on the coffee table in front of her.

Her stomach twists, scared for a moment that the box is going to come with a big question. “Open it.”

She does. “Oh.”

He laughs at her reaction, “Nat, are you ever going to believe I’m not rippin’ the rug out from under you?”

She takes the watch out of the box. It’s sleek in an elegant way, she could wear it to a fancy event or with casual civvies. The band is black, and the fastening is silver and gold – the Avengers logo. She puts it on. Steve sits on the couch next to her, “Look, here.” He presses a nearly invisible button and the watch face clicks. 

Underneath is a photo Nat’s never seen before. It’s from a party, a lifetime ago. 

Nat stands between Clint and Tony, next to Tony, Bruce and Steve flank Thor. They’re making some ridiculous Charlie’s Angels poses. 

Nat laughs, “We look ridiculous.”

“We look happy,” he says, “We were a team. And you put this team back together, Nat, even if they aren’t here. You got us through those first days. Days and nights when I didn’t think the sun was going to come up again.”

“They’re gone now,” she sighs, “And we’re sad, lonely people. And you’re sweet buying me gifts like this, Steve, but it doesn't help today.”

“I know,” he says, “But I wanted to do something nice anyways.”

She pushes the bottle of whiskey she’s drinking towards him, “Come on, I’m drinking alone, it’s sad.”

He puts a hand on the bottle but doesn’t pick it up, “You know this isn’t enough to get me drunk, you’re just wasting alcohol you could be drinking yourself.”

“It’s the principle of it,” Nat says, “Just drink, Cap.”

Steve takes a long pull from the bottle, “What now?”

She pushes off the couch and instead sinks into his lap, “Will you feel used if I suggest you fuck me until I forget what today is?”

“I won’t if you don’t,” he says, sliding his hands down the front of her pants. 

Nat leans back to give more room as he sinks a finger into him. They’re not going to get very far with their clothes on and at this angle, but it feels okay for now. 

Morgan Harriet Stark is born on August 10. 

Nat’s there the next day.

“She’s beautiful,” she tells the happy new parents, “She really is.”

Nat stares down at the tiny new sleeping face of Tony and Pepper’s daughter in her arms. A daughter who doesn’t know what the world lost. “Rest up, sweet girl. The world’s waiting for you.”

Chapter Text

Time marches on. Days, weeks, months, years.

Steve fully moves out. It’s an odd move to outsiders, she gets emails from every living Avenger, concerned they’ve had a falling out. The truth is, that after years of living together, time apart while they’re still together feels like a bigger step towards normal. Steve’s charming little place in Brooklyn, a few blocks from where he grew up, becomes an oasis where for a few hours she can stop obsessively checking monitors and emails and scans of empty space.

Nat spends at least one day a month working with the kids at the orphanage, and she stays with him there. They go out for dinners and walk in Central Park and all that corny stuff. Most of the entertainment attractions of the city are gone – sports, most of Broadway, a lot of restaurants are empty. But it’s a step. For a while.

Nat gets used to the loneliness. It feels like an appropriate price for surviving. 

She drifts from call to call, and organizes for everyone to come in once every few months. Most of them make excuses not to show.

Nat makes herself a peanut butter sandwich – which is one of the cornerstones of her diet at the moment – and brings it to her office. She’d tried setting up in Steve’s old office, but it felt too neat and organized, so she settles for turning a conference table into a desk in the room across the hall from the kitchen and spreading out.

Rocket and Nebula are giving a status update about their latest mission. Nat interrupts as she sets her plate on her desk, "Did you get a reading on those tremors?”

Okoye nods, “It was a mild subduction under the African plate.”

That’s not enough information, “Do we have a visual? How are we handling it?”

“Nat,” Okoye sounds like she feels sorry for Nat, like she’s explaining a difficult concept to a young child, “It's an earthquake under the ocean. We handle it by not handling it.”

Right. Nat moves on, “Carol, are we seeing you here next month?”

Carol shakes her head apologetically, “Not likely.”

Rocket quips, “What, you gonna get another haircut?” Nat likes Carol’s pixie cut. She needs a haircut, her hair’s a mess. Her natural red has grown in, and she’s got blonde ends from her bob growing out over the last year when she’d quit with the bleach. 

Carol sounds like she might find a way to do violence via hologram, “Listen fur-face, I'm covering a lot of territory. The things that are happening on Earth are happening everywhere, on thousands of planets.”

Nat’s learned that Rocket is kind of mouthy, but almost always all talk that will back down when told he’s pushed a button too far, “All right, all right, that's a good point. That's a good point.”

Carol looks back at Nat, apologetic, “So you might not see me for a long time.”

That’s not new or surprising. And that’s it for updates. She wraps up the meeting so she can eat her sandwich alone, “Alright. Uh, well. This channel is always active. So, if anything goes sideways – anyone's making trouble where they shouldn't – comes through me.”

They all agree and start disappearing and Nat nods, “Alright.”

“Good luck,” Carol says before she’s gone too.

Nat sits down, her sandwich isn’t looking that good. She thinks about calling Steve to see if he’s got anything better for a late night dinner. She does a double take as she notices Rhodey’s still on the call. She straightens up, tries to hide the moment of pathetic loneliness he surely just witnessed. “Where are you?”

“Mexico. The Federales found a room full of bodies. Looks like a bunch of cartel guys. Never even had the chance to get their guns off.”

She did say everything should come through her, but this doesn’t seem like a superhero kind of problem any more than the earthquake, “It's probably a rival gang.”

“Except it isn't.” She knows it before he says it, “It's definitely Barton. What he's done here, what he's been doing for the last few years. I mean, the scene that he left –” She knows that she should’ve handled this when it started. She’s put this off for too long. “– I gotta tell you, there's a part of me that doesn't even want to find him.” 

She can’t look at Rhodey. Her sandwich is mocking her. “Will you find out where he's going next?” She takes a bite of sandwich. It sticks to the roof of her mouth.

“Nat –?” 

She makes herself look at him “Please?”

He hesitates, then nods, “Okay.”

He ends the call and Nat knows she’s going to have to bring Clint in. And there’s no one she can double cross, or ask him to flip on, because this is just Clint now. Ruined. Lost. 

She tosses the sandwich back on her plate, certain she might throw up the bite she already had. No one’s around to hear or see her cry, but she tries to stop anyway. If she really lets herself go, she’s not sure how she gets back up tomorrow. She doesn’t know who to pray to, she doesn’t really believe in anything, but she hopes that she doesn’t have to kill her best friend.

“You know I’d offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already.”

Nat pulls her hands away from her face and sees Steve leaning against the bookshelf looking like sex on wheels. She smiles at his quip, but the caring look on his face threatens her tears again and she looks away, “You here to do your laundry?”

“And to see a friend,” he says. They only use the word friend, even though they’ve been so long outside the bounds of platonic friendship.

Nat tries to make her voice light, even though he just caught her crying, “Clearly, your friend is fine.”

He looks down and Nat’s not sure if he’s uncomfortable with her sadness, or just trying to hide his plans to cheer her up by showing them on his face, “You know I saw a pod of whales when I was coming over the bridge.”

She asks, “In the Hudson?”

He shrugs, “There's fewer ships, cleaner water…”

Nat crosses her arms, “You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side... um, I'm about you to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.”

But she is a little cheered up despite herself. He chuckles, “Sorry. Force of habit.” He throws his jacket on the chair next to the one he sits down in, and tosses his keys on the desk. Nat puts her plate in front of him, appetite gone. “You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on and grow. Some do. But not us.”

And Nat feels it coming. This is it. This is fear number 2 from the list four years ago. She shakes her head, “If I move on, who does this?”

“Maybe it doesn't need to be done,” he says.

She thinks over the list of updates. Aside from Clint, the problems of the world are getting… not small, but ordinary. Grief is the big one. Collective, all consuming. 

And she’s not sure she knows how to stop or let go,  “I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job, this family. And I was – I was better because of it. And even though they're gone, I'm still trying to be better.” She’d never gotten that hobby they’d talked about. 

“I think we both need to get a life,” he says, eyes sad.

“You first,” she says, even though he really has. He smiles, and she thinks if he asks her right now, she might go to New York, at least until Rhodey tracks Clint’s next target. 

An alert pops up for the front gate before he can. Nat swipes to bring up the feed. It’s a guy in an ugly old van, shouting at the camera, “Oh! Hi. Hi! Uh, is anyone home? This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport? In Germany? I got – I got really big – I was the guy that got really big, I had a mask on. You wouldn't recognize me. Ant-Man? Ant-Man, I know you know that. I need to talk to you guys.” 

Steve stands up, because Scott Lang was lost in the Snap, “Is this an old message?”

Hope fills Nat, “It's the front gate.” She leans down and hits the button to open it. “This is live.”

Scott is even more agitated when they bring him back to her office. He paces, muttering to himself until Steve steps in, “Scott. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” He covers his face with his hands, “I’m fine. Have either of you guys ever studied quantum physics?”

“Only to make conversation,” says Nat. A surprising number of scientists needed to be manipulated or stopped, plus she’d spent time living with Bruce and Tony as her primary companions. 

Scott has never once seemed like a guy who knows a lot about science, but she’s been raised knowing that looks are deceiving, “Alright. So, five years ago, right – right before Thanos, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. The Quantum Realm is like its own microscopic universe. To get in there, you have to be incredibly small. Hope, she's my – um, she was my – she – she was supposed to pull me out. And then Thanos happened, and I got stuck in there.”

“I'm sorry. That must've been a very long five years,” says Nat honestly.

“Yeah, but that's just it,” says Scott, “It wasn't. For me, it was five hours. See, the rules of the Quantum Realm aren't like they are up here. Everything is unpredictable. Is that anybody's sandwich? I'm starving.”

Nat watches as Scott eats her sad dinner. She looks at Steve, and no, it’s not just her that’s finding this outside the depths of conversational quantum physics. Steve prompts, “Scott, what are you talking about?”

Scott talks with his mouth full, “So, what I'm saying is, time works differently in the Quantum Realm. The only problem is right now, we don't have a way to navigate it. But what if we did?” Nat looks at Steve and sees they’ve both already reached the same conclusion Scott has. “I can't stop thinking about it. What if, we could somehow control the chaos, and we could navigate it? What if there was a way to enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point in time but then exit at another point in time? Like, Like before Thanos.

Nat’s known Steve to take a lot of leaps in technology not just since the 30s but since he’s been back, in stride. But this one is clearly still a far off fantasy to him, “Wait, are you talking about a time machine?”

“No. No, of course not. No, not a time machine. It's more like a –” Scott can’t come up with a better descriptor, “Yeah, it’s a time machine. I know it's crazy. But I can't stop thinking about it. There's gotta be… some w– it's crazy.”

She mulls it over quietly on her own, “Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy anymore.”

He asks, “So who do we talk to about this?”

“Tonight, you get some sleep,” Nat says, “Seriously, you look like hell. We’ll go first thing tomorrow.”

“But –”

Nat’s not taking no for an answer on this one. “Seriously, this is not a small ask. We’ll go in the morning. Come on.” Nat shows Scott to Bruce’s room, since unlike half the other Avengers, he left all his gear in the lab. The last thing Nat needed was Scott to find anything Tony or Sam left laying around.

She and Steve don’t talk until they’re both lying on her bed. They stare up at the ceiling until she breaks the silence, “This is really invalidating your point about not needing someone here.”

He snorts, “Shut up, Romanoff. I’m sorry, my bad for wanting you to get a life where you aren’t crying over peanut butter sandwiches in the dark.” He rolls onto his side, “You could at least let yourself have some jelly. I think you’ve earned the right to a small pleasure or two.”

Nat rolls over as well, “Isn’t that what you’re for?”

He laughs again and pulls her to his chest. She tucks herself in around him. “Nat? You’re thinking of taking him to Tony, right?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re thinking that he’s probably going to send us packing, right?”

“He’s out,” Nat says, “Can’t blame him for that.”

“Okay,” he says. “As long as we’re on the same page.”

Getting dressed to see Tony feels more difficult than any mission. Nat distracts herself by admiring Steve dressing in simple jeans and a jacket in the mirror behind her as she braids her hair. They take her car, but Steve asks to drive. 

On the way up, Nat drills Scott about the pitch. Tony’s going to tear it apart and she needs this to not just be possible, but to work.

Tony’s place is nice. Log exterior, wraparound porch, waterfront. They grow vegetables and have a firepit. It’s a nice place to be Tony Stark: genius, billionaire, husband, father.

Tony’s carrying Morgan up to the house when they get there. She nods to him, and she sees that he knows they’re here to fuck up his day. Nat nods the other two guys forward as Tony puts Morgan inside. Nat hears Morgan whine about not being allowed to say hi before Tony shuts the door. She stops on the porch without needing to be asked. Avengers stuff stays outside.

Tony comes back with four glasses and a pitcher of cold brew, and Nat sees Pepper’s face appear in a nearby window, “What could you possibly need right now?”

Nat starts, “We want to bring everyone back.”

Scott and Steve do an admirable job trying to explain their idea for a ‘time heist’ – a term Scott coined on the way over. Tony shoots them down, “In Layman's terms, it means you're not coming home.”

“I did,” says Scott.

Nat can tell that irritates Tony. “No, you accidentally survived. It's a bi – It’s a billion to one cosmic fluke. And now you wanna pull a – what do you call it?”

Scott looks like he can’t decide if he’s proud of himself or ashamed, “A time heist?”

“Yeah, a time heist. Of course,”  Tony’s the quiet kind of sarcastic now, which is almost worse than his usual loud sarcasm. “Why didn't we think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable? Because it's a pipedream?”

Steve takes another stab at it, “The Stones are in the past. We can go back and get them.”

“We can snap our own fingers,” says Nat, “We can bring everybody back.”

He gives her a look like he can’t believe how arrogant she sounds, and that does give her a little pause coming from Tony Stark, “Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?”

Steve says, “I don't believe we would.” And yeah, Nat hears it now.

Tony rolls his eyes, “Gotta say, sometimes I miss that giddy optimism. However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome would be our collective demise.” He sits himself in one of the porch chairs.

Scott argues, “Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel. That means no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events –”

And they’ve lost him, “I'm gonna stop you right there, Scott. Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe is based on Back to the Future ?”

Scott looks down, “That’s not… No?”

Tony’s getting into the part of telling them they’re idiots where he gets a little mean, “Good. You had me worried there. Because that'd be horse shit. That's not how quantum physics works.”

She was hoping they were going to win him over on the science bits. But Nat’s not afraid to play all the cards, and let Tony see how bad she’s gotten, “Tony, we have to take a stand.”

“We did stand,” he says, “And yet, here we are.” Nat looks away to keep from tearing up, if he’s not going to open up, she can’t afford to break down here.

Scott says, “I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter.” Nat winces. She’d been very clear with Scott that he should not bring up Morgan when they were discussing the possibility of time travel, “But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did. And now – now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back! And you're telling me that won't even –”

Tony is deadly serious, “That's right, Scott, I won't even. I can’t –”

The door opens and Morgan runs out and hurtles into Tony’s arms, “Mommy told me to come and save you.”

“Good job. I'm saved.” Tony hugs his daughter to his chest, looks at them over her little shoulder, “I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else.” He stands, still holding Morgan, “Honestly, I – I missed you guys, I just –” And yeah. Everyone pulled away after Morgan, their happiness hurt a bit – and worse, it felt like Nat’s unhappiness was toxic, a poison. Tony says, “Oh, and table's set for six.”

Steve says quietly, “Tony, I get it. And I'm happy for you, I really am. But this is a second chance.”

Tony shakes his head, “I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can't roll the dice on it. If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch.”

“Another time,” Nat says, “Tell Pepper thank you.” She waves to Morgan, “Bye, sweetie.” Morgan grins and waves over Tony’s shoulder. When she realizes they’re really going to leave though, she whines, “Wait, Daddy!” Tony sets her down and Morgan puts her arms around Nat’s thigh, “ Please have lunch, Auntie Nat, it’s not crickets!”

“Not today, sweet girl,” Nat says, picking Morgan up and flipping her over in her arms a few times, “Cap and I gotta go see some other friends. Next time, okay?”

Morgan turns her big eyes on Steve then, “Uncle Cap?”

“Hey, she’s the boss,” Steve says with a wink at Nat, “If she says no lunch, that’s it. Gotta go.”

Tony looks like he’s at war with himself, not wanting to invite them in and risk ‘shop talk’, but also he clearly wants Morgan to be happy. Nat kneels, “Hey, Morgan?

Morgan grins, “Yeah?”

“I ate a cricket once,” Nat whispers, “And it wasn’t even that bad.”

“Ew!”

Nat laughs, “Okay, go inside, I’m sure whatever your mommy made is much better.”

Tony gives her an oddly lingering look as he shuts the door behind him and Morgan.

Scott sounds like he can’t believe they blew it, “He’s just not going to help?”

“He’s scared,” Nat says. 

“He’s not wrong,” agrees Steve.

Scott says, “Yeah, but I mean, what – what are we gonna do? We need him. What – are we gonna stop?”

“No, I wanna do it right,” says Steve, “We're gonna need a really big brain.”

Scott understandably looks concerned that that's impossible, “Bigger than his?!”

“Yeah,” says Nat, “I have an idea. Get in the car.”

They do. Steve asks, “Is your idea my idea?”

She pulls out her phone, “Probably. We know all the same geniuses.” 

When Nat had found out what Bruce was trying to do, she’d understood. She didn’t get why he’d chosen to become internet famous.

They meet in the middle in Alabama at a diner. Nat slides into the booth next to Steve. Instantly food starts landing on the table, “Oh good, I pre-ordered.” 

Nat’s prepared but she still finds it disorienting to look at Bruce. He’s big, and bulky, and hulk shaped, but with Bruce’s penchant for knit cardigans. He sounds like Bruce, acts like Bruce in that same bumbling endearing way. Nat feels the same thing looking at him as she feels when she thinks about seeing Clint again. 

Bruce sits in a chair at the end of the table since he can’t possibly fit in the booth. He starts helping himself to the food and gesturing for them to do the same, “Come on, I feel like I'm the only one eating. Try some of that. Have some eggs.”

Scott continues to be one of the most socially inept people Nat’s ever met, and that’s really saying something, “I'm so confused.”

“These are confusing times,” agrees Bruce seriously, though Nat feels a little ping of relief when she sees the same twinkle in his eyes that he used to get when he would pretend to be about to Hulk out to scare people.

Scott shakes his head, “Right. No, no, that's not what I meant.”

Bruce laughs, “No, I get it. I'm kidding! Kidding! I know. It's crazy. I'm wearing shirts now.”

Scott nods, “Yeah! What –? How –? Why –?” All questions Nat has for Bruce as well.

“Five years ago, we got our asses beaten. Except it was worse for me. Because I lost twice. First, Hulk lost, then Banner lost. Then, we all lost.” 

“No one blamed you, Bruce,” she says, though she resents his assertion that any of this has been better or worse for any one person. 

“I did,” says Bruce, and Nat can’t argue with that. She’s been there. They’ve all blamed themselves for this at some point, “For years, I've been treating the Hulk like he's some kind of disease, something to get rid of. But then I started looking at him as the cure. Eighteen months in a gamma lab. I put the brains and the brawn together. And now look at me… Best of both worlds.”

Three kids come up to get their pictures taken with The Hulk. He hands it to Scott, which Nat’s grateful for because she would not have participated in this foolishness. Maybe it’s the spy in her, but being an internet celebrity seems like the most exhausting, pointless kind of fame in the world. Bruce seems like he’s rising to the role model aspect of it though. Two things could be true, she supposes; she can be proud and disturbed.

Scott seems to find fame more enticing that she does, “Don't you wanna grab one with me? I'm Ant-Man.” The kids look very uncomfortable, and Scott backtracks, “They're – they’re Hulk fans, they don't know Ant-Man. Nobody does.”

Bruce tries to get the kids to do it, but they run off with their phone. Bruce calls after the kids, “Thank you very much. Hulk out!”

Steve tries to put them back on the rails, “Bruce.”

Nat winces as Bruce dabs at the kids.

“Bruce.”

He’s still with the kids, “Listen to your Mom. She knows better.”

Nat slaps her hand down on the table, “Bruce! Please.”

Steve jumps on the moment of quiet, “About what Nat was saying on the phone…”

“Right,” Bruce says, “The whole time travel do-over? Ehn, guys, it's outside my area of expertise.”

Nat isn’t above a moment of flattery, “Well, you pulled this off. I remember a time when that seemed pretty impossible time, too.”

Bruce knows exactly what she’s doing, “Come on, Widow, you’re not even trying. Where’s the woman who shoved me off a cliff? Who conned Loki, God of Mischief, into giving up information?”

“That woman’s had a very hard, very lonely couple years,” Nat says, “Can’t you try? Please?”

Bruce sighs, “Okay, fine. I can try.”

For a couple weeks, things feel better even if they aren’t. Steve’s back at the compound full time, as is Bruce, and Scott flies back and forth to see his daughter in San Francisco. Things feel better with people around, with a hope of maybe doing something. They decide not to loop in anyone else until they know it has a chance, but Nat knows Rhodey at least suspects something’s up with her when he ends a call by telling her it’s good to see some life back in her.

And then one night, Bruce announces at the dinner table, “I’m ready to do the first test run tomorrow.”

“Well okay then,” says Steve, “We’re here to help, whatever you need.”

They set up in the garage because they couldn’t get Scott’s van into the lab. And Nat secretly thinks Bruce realized that Tony’s lab was not built for a Hulk-sized scientist. 

“Okay, here we go. Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the, uh, the van thing.” Scott opens it up, exposing the quantum tunnel.

Steve announces, “Breakers are set, emergency generators are on standby.” Steve looks so good in a white shirt, it’s unfair. Especially with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. 

“Good,” says Bruce, “'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose Tiny here in the 1950's.” Scott sounds understandably concerned, “Excuse me?”

“He's kidding,” Nat says loudly and with her brightest smile. She keeps the smile on her face as she shoots Bruce a look, “You can't say things like that.”

Bruce stammers, “Just – It was a bad joke.”

Nat waits for Scott to walk away a bit, “You were kidding, right?”

He gets closer to her, leaning down a bit, “I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is.” He straightens and gives Scott an almost comical thumbs up, “We're good! Get your helmet on. Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Makes sense?”

Scott shrugs, “Perfectly not confusing.”

“Good luck, Scott,” says Steve, “You got this.”

And while Nat’s definitely been accused of falling under the spell of Captain America and Steve’s near-contagious convictions, she’s never been Scott Lang levels of bad, “You're right. I do, Captain America.”

Bruce hits the button. 

“On the count of three. 3... 2... 1!”

If someone had actually explained the dangers beforehand, Nat’s not sure where ‘turn Scott into a kid, an old man, and a baby’ would have fallen on the list, but that’s what happens. Nat’s not sure what rational reason they could have, but she and Steve gravitate to one another the second things go wrong, like they’re going to have to fight old Scott, Bruce, or the control panel. She just looks up and he’s suddenly on her left, even though before he’d been to the right of Bruce.

They stare, “It’s a baby.”

“It’s Scott,” says Bruce, defensively.

“As a baby,” yells Steve.

“He’ll grow,” says Bruce.

Steve demands, “Bring Scott back.”

Bruce seems stressed, though it’s still hard for her to read this version of Bruce, “When I say kill the power, kill the power.”

“Oh my God,” Nat moans as she hurries to the generator.

Bruce does something on the panel, “And… Kill it!” She yanks the lever and regular Scott is spit out of the Quantum Tunnel.

Nat breathes a sigh of relief, “Oh thank God.”

Bruce gestures performatively, “Time travel!”

Steve turns on his heel and walks away. Bruce shouts after him, “What? I – I see this as an absolute win!”

“Let him go,” says Nat softly, “What can we change? Scott, how do you feel?”

“Kinda dizzy, need new clothes,” he says faintly.

“Oh-kay,” Nat says, reaching to help steady him, “Let’s get you sitting down.”

Nat sits Scott at the dining room table and is making him a sandwich when the sound of multiple voices stops her, “Steve?”

“Honey, I’m home.”

Nat spins around to see Tony in the doorway, “You’re here.”

“I am,” he says, “And I brought presents.” He shows her the little bracelet that looks like a high tech smart watch but will apparently allow them to navigate the space-time continuum. “So I think it’s time you made some calls, oh fearless leader.”

Like the universe is stacked in her favor, Rhodey dials in at that moment, “Nat – whoa, Tony. Is the world ending again?”

“If we can help it, it might be un-ending,” says Nat, “What’s up?”

“I found Barton,” he says, “What do you want me to do? Bring him in?”

“Not yet,” Nat says, “Just don’t lose him. Hang on – I’m going to patch in everyone else, we’ve been working on something.”

Carol can’t come. Rhodey, Rocket, and Nebula agree to be there in a few hours. Thor doesn’t pick up. 

Steve suggests, “You should go get him. He’s one hell of a big gun to go in without.”

“Can’t,” Nat says, “But someone should. I gotta go.”

Steve follows her towards her room, “Where are you going? Do you need backup?”

“I’m bringing Clint in,” Nat says, “If this works, if we pull this off, this is the last chance to get him right. And if I can’t…” She can’t let him keep on like this.

Steve leans in her doorway as she changes clothes, “I could still go with you.”

“I’ve got this one, Cap,” she says, “I should’ve done it a while ago. Hold things down here? Make sure Tony doesn’t end the world before we fix it? Send Bruce and Rocket to get Thor, he likes them.”

Nat lets Clint have one last one. Because really, these are bad guys, right? She stands under her umbrella, watching Clint clean his blade.

He takes off the hood and mask and spins around slowly, “You shouldn't be here.”

“Neither should you,” says Nat. He looks different. But then again, it’s been almost seven years since they last saw one another. He’s shaved the sides of his head. 

He scoffs, “I've got a job to do.”

“Is that what you're calling this?” Nat wishes she could ease his pain, “Killing all these people isn't gonna bring your family back.”

He won’t look at her, just stands in the rain. She tries to start gently as she approaches him, “We found something. A chance, maybe…”

Clint looks up, desperate, “Don't.”

“Don't what?”

He shakes his head, “Don't give me hope.”

Nat struggles for a moment, “I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you sooner.” She reaches out from under the protection of the umbrella and grips his hand. 

He squeezes back, “What’s the plan?”

“We should talk on the jet,” she suggests, “It’s a long story, and there are a lot of moving parts right now.”

Nat explains the Time Heist plan, the team, the steps left to be done.

Clint drips rainwater on the floor of the ship, “Damn.”

She puts the Quinjet on autopilot, “Okay, here’s the deal. I love you, Clint. But the disappearing vigilante act? That was some bullshit. Seriously, Rhodey’s had you on a watchlist. Please play nice.” She fills him in on how the rest of the team’s been.

He sits finally, “What about you? How’s Nat been?”

“Pretty shit.” she says, “You know, without my best friend.”

He reaches over and squeezes her shoulder, “How’s Cap?”

“Trying to self actualize,” she says, laughing through her tears, “You’ll find it sickening I’m sure.”

“Nat, Clint’s gonna do the test run.”

Nat puts down her coffee, “What? I thought Scott was going to do it?”

“Scott blew through one of our test run Pym particles,” says Bruce, “We’re gonna go in ten.”

Nat nearly chews her fingernails off as they get Clint ready. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“I’m sure,” he says, climbing up onto the platform of the newly built Quantum Tunnel. 

He disappears. Nat counts in her head. 

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 

6…

7…

8…

9…

There’s a flash and a yell. Nat bolts up the platform, “Hey, hey. Look at me. You okay?”

Clint holds her shoulder as she helps him stand. She looks down, sees he’s holding something. “Yeah, it worked.” He tosses one of Cooper’s baseball gloves to Tony, “It worked .”

“Okay,” says Nat, “Everyone meet in the conference room. First thing in the morning.”

She watches everyone wander off for the rest of the afternoon. Steve stays by her elbow, "I'll be honest, I’m glad to have some help.”

“Me too,” she says, “Let’s just hope everyone’s helpful. ” She leans up and kisses his cheek, “Hey, everyone’s amusing themselves and we just made the team that made time travel. I think we’ve earned a little celebration.”

Steve’s smile turns predatory, “What did you have in mind, Romanoff?”

She hops and swings herself around, hooking her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, “Why don’t you find out?”

She was kind of hoping they’d just fuck in the garage, but Steve kisses her and sets her down, “My room. Meet you there.”

He doesn’t give Nat time to ask where he’s going. They’ve been sleeping in separate rooms mostly, everyone knows – and is quick to tease them – about them being together, and unfortunately Rhodey’s shared the kitchen story around – but it still feels disrespectful to be seen together too much. Not when Clint’s lost his family, and Scott’s lost his girlfriend, and Tony’s left Pepper and Morgan to be here, plus whatever crazy trauma Thor’s brought with him. 

Nat stops by her room for some supplies. They just did laundry and all their clothes ended up back in their own rooms.

She checks that no one’s around before she slips into Steve’s room. She stops. He’s not there yet. But next to his TV, hanging on the wall like it’s always been there, is the shield. Something he’s very very pointedly never asked to have back.

The door opens and she points, “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“Oh that’s a peace offering from Tony,” Steve says, “Said he didn’t bring enough for everyone, so I guess you’re not getting your own gift.”

“Hey I will take time travel,” Nat says, “The gift of helping to restore half of all life in the universe is all any of you ever need to get me for the rest of forever.”

Steve smirks, “One of us is gonna regret that you said that.”

Nat freezes, “Why? What did you get me?”

He shrugs, “Doesn’t matter. I’m off the hook for gift giving, I’m taking it back.”

Nat rolls her eyes, “Steve!”

He laughs, “Okay, okay, fine.”

“It’s not my birthday.” says Nat trying to see what he might have in his hands.

“In the eleven years we’ve known each other you’ve never once disclosed when your birthday is,” says Steve, “My best guess is towards the end of the year, because around the new year is when you start saying a different age. Do you know how ridiculous that is? If we went on The Newlywed Game we’d lose and we’ve spent years with nothing to do but get to know each other.”

“It’s part of our charm,” Nat says, “Besides, there’s more to a person than names and dates. What’s my gift?”

Steve’s gift isn’t wrapped. He hands over his sketchbook. Nat flips through the pages, sees herself reflected back a dozen times over, “Steve…”

“I’ve been drawin’ you for years,” he admits, looking almost shy. “Thought I should probably tell you how I see you.” Nat sits on the bed and flips through more slowly. Steve had spent a lot of time drawing when they’d had downtime in the two years before The Snap, but she hadn’t thought she might be the subject of the art. “Beautiful.”

He rubs the back of his neck, “Wasn’t sure if you’d like them, since you have an aversion to being captured.” It’s true, a holdover from her life as a spy.

But these… These are created out of love. With his own hands. She traces the curve of her own face, bent over a book, “Steve…”

He reaches for the book, “You don’t have to keep it.”

Nat holds the book to her chest, “These are mine, now. If you want your own, you’ll have to draw more.” She gets up to put the sketches on his dresser, “Thank you.”

He smiles, “You’re welcome.”

Nat settles her body over his, “The whole world’s watching, and it feels like you’re the only one who sees… me. Not just who I was, or who I am, but who I am trying to become.”

“Natasha Romanoff,” he breathes into her mouth, “Learning to love you has been the greatest honor of my life.”

She presses her forehead against his, “The honor’s been all mine, Cap.” He sits back, he never knows what to do when she throws him a casual ‘Cap’ like they’re at work. She never knows how to say what’s on her heart.

The best she can do is show him. She reaches for his belt.

While the tech-science team’s been working on the new suits and Quantum Tunnels, Nat and Steve have been doing homework. Steve presents what they’ve got so far, “Okay, so the ‘how’ works. Now we gotta figure out the when and the where. Almost all of us has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones.” 

Tony cuts in, “Or substitute the word ‘encounter’ for ‘damn well near been killed by’ one of the six Infinity Stones.

“I haven't,” says Scott, “I only know about them from you.”

“Congrats, you’re of zero help then,” says Nat, “You can collect the pizzas when the guy gets here later, okay?” They haven’t even had breakfast yet, Nat’s already thinking about lunch. 

Bruce says, “We only have enough Pym Particles for one round trip each, and these stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history…”

“Our history,” agrees Tony, “So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in.”

Clint is leaning in the doorway, and Nat knows if she tries to check on him again she’ll be in the danger zone, but she really really wants to, “Which means we have to pick our targets.”

“Correct,” agrees Tony.

“Let's start with the Aether,” suggests Steve, “Thor, what do you know?”

Thor doesn’t move. Nat frowns, “Is he asleep?”

Rhodey sounds annoyed, “No, no, I'm pretty sure he's dead.” 

Nat turns her chair around to glare at him, “Not helpful.” She gets up and kicks Thor in the shin.

He sits up, “Ow!”

“Tell us about The Aether,” Nat orders, “Go.”

He stumbles to the middle of the room, “Where to start? Umm... The Aether, first, is not a stone, someone called it a stone before. Um, it's more of a... an angry sludge thing, so... someones gonna need to amend that and stop saying it.” He stops to put eyedrops in his eyes, “Here's an interesting story though, about The Aether…” Nat buries her face in her hands, all her friends are broken and she doesn’t know how to fix anything for any one of them. But she also really needs for them to dig deep and pull their weight. 

Tony tries to step in and Thor protests, “I'm not done yet, the only thing permanent in life is impermanence.”

“Awesome,” says Tony with a clap of his hands, “Eggs? Breakfast?”

Thor shakes Tony off, “No, I'd like a Bloody Mary, thank you.” Nat’s wishes she could ask Tony and Bruce to build something that can contain a god and forcibly detox her friend. Unfortunately, she was a person with ethical boundaries now.

Everyone does go to eat breakfast except Steve who stays one-on-one with Thor to try to get more specific details from him. 

Tony refills her coffee for her, “I don’t know how you’re doing it.”

She blinks, “Doing what? You solved time travel”

He gestures at the kitchen where everyone’s making food and sharing it amongst themselves, “Look at them. They’re working together. I wouldn’t have tried to solve time travel if you hadn’t come to my door looking all sad. And we must be driving you nuts, with all the egos and the baggage.”

“I missed your egos and baggage,” says Nat, squeezing his shoulders. She kisses his cheek, “Besides, being your personal assistant makes all other jobs seem easy.” Truthfully, she’d go back to being Tony’s personal assistant forever if it meant saving the world. She checks the time, “When you call home, please tell Morgan that Auntie Nat says good morning.”

“Aye aye Mrs. Cap.”

They work all day on hashing out individual encounters with the stones. They’ve got the Mind Stone pinned down from The Battle of New York right until Wanda blasts it from Vision’s head the day of the Snap. The Tesseract has a dozen or so possibilities between Earth and Asgard and everywhere else they know it’s been. 

By the time a nervous looking man delivers an obscene buffet of Chinese takeout – and a gallon of Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge at Bruce’s request – to the Compound, everyone’s looking a little worn out.

Nat’s not sure how she feels about Rocket standing on the table while they’re eating, but honestly, it’s the only way to compete with the food for their attention, “Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag.”

Bruce asks, “Is that a person?”

“Morag's a planet,” says Rocket impatiently, “Quill was a person.”

Scott perks up, “A planet? Like in outer space?”

Rocket gets in Scott’s face and pets his hair, “Oh, look. It's like a little puppy, all happy and everything. ‘Do you wanna go to space? You wanna go to space, puppy? I'll get you to space.’” “Okay,” Nat redirects, “Rocket, put everything you know about the stone and Morag in the computer. I think we’re done for the night.”

The next day Nebula’s up. “Thanos found the Soul Stone on Vormir.”

Nat is writing in her notebook, “What is Vormir?”

“A dominion of death, at the very center of Celestial existence.” Nat looks up from her notebook at that, she can never tell when Nebula’s joking. She’s not, apparently, “It's where... Thanos murdered my sister.”

Steve exhales sharply next to her. 

Scott shakes his head, “Not it.”

Bruce elbows Scott so hard that he knocks into Nat. She sits up, “Okay, enough! Everyone out! I need time to think. One of you look up Vormir, see if there’s any mention of where the Stone might be or who might have it, or what the fuck the Soul Stone even does. Thanks.”

Everyone but Steve files out, “You okay?”

He sits on the couch and Nat sits back and stretches her bare feet into his lap. He starts giving her an insanely good foot massage absently. She sighs, “No. It’s too much ground to cover. We don’t know enough and we don’t have enough Pym particles to do more than one trip each. No more test runs, no do-overs.”

He gives her a wry smile, “What, you think we’re going to mess something up? That doesn’t sound like us.”

She laughs, even though it’s not really that funny. “Tell me we aren’t totally fucked on this,”

“We’re not totally fucked,” he says, “Tell me what you need to figure this out.”

“I need…” Nat shrugged, “I don’t know, Steve.”

He asks her the same question again three days later when she’s hanging upside down off the side of her bed. Nat rubs her face with her hands as she sits up, “A bigger brain. Chocolate. Alcohol. Aspirin.”

“I’m not sure those things should mix,” says Steve, “I’m going to make a supply run. I’ll bring booze and chocolate, anything else?”

Nat leans up to kiss him goodbye, “So much more coffee.”

She finds Bruce and Tony already in her office, going back and forth about various stones and it’s easy to join in.

Nat loses track of time, but eventually she and Tony are laying opposite ways on the table and the sun’s going down, and Bruce is laying on the floor next to them. “That Time Stone guy –?”

“Dr. Strange,” says Bruce.

“Yeah,” she says, “What kind of Doctor was he?”

Tony groans, “Ear-nose-throat meets rabbit-from-hat.”

“Nice place in The Village, though,” says Bruce.

Tony agrees, “Yeah, on Sullivan Street?”

Bruce shakes his head, “Hmm... Bleecker?”

Nat’s mind races, “Wait, he lived in New York?”

Tony half rolls over to look at her, “No. He lived in Toronto. Were you even paying attention?”

“Guys, if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York.”

Bruce sits up, “Shut the fuck up.” 

Nat flips through her notes, showing them that she’s not fucking around, “Look, Loki has two here in Midtown for the Battle of Nrew York, and then Dr. Weird –” 

“Dr. Strange,” Bruce corrects, “He’s got the Time Stone in Greenwich."

Tony sits up and yells for Steve, “Cap!”

Steve comes running, “What? What’s wrong?”

Tony slides off the table, “If you don’t kiss your girl right now, I’m calling Pepper for a hall pass to do it myself.”

Steve looks baffled and for a second Nat has to think if she’s ever explained a ‘hall pass’ to him before. Bruce clarifies, “Nat’s got three Stones in more or less the same place on the same day.”

Nat barely has time to sit up before Steve is kissing her. “Okay. This is good. This is four teams instead of five.” They don’t have enough people or particles to do five teams to five places. Four teams is still too many. But it’s a start.

“Not to be selfish, but I think we should be together,” says Steve. Nat looks up from where she’s hand written every possible combination. Did Tony’s AI offer to do it for her in a literal second? Sure. But writing it down helps her think, and while FRIDAY knows a lot of things, she doesn’t know the team the way Nat does.

“I just don’t think it’ll make sense,” she sighs, “Here’s what I’ve got.”

He comes over and starts massaging the tension from her shoulders, "Thor and Rocket go to Asgard. I wish one of us could go because, you know –”

“I believe that Thor will pull through,” says Steve, “And Rocket’s weirdly solid.”

“We’re betting the fate of the universe that an anthropomorphic raccoon will keep our emotionally unstable god friend on track,” Nat mutters, “I hate this. Nebula and Rhodey will take Morag and intercept Quill and the Power Stone. Clint and I can take the ship to Vormir.” Scott had made the suggestion over breakfast yesterday that they shrink The Benetar and fly the ship from Morag to Vorimir. 

Steve keeps massaging her, and Nat’s getting a little distracted, “That – mmm, thanks – that leaves you, Tony, Scott, and Bruce to get the New York Stones. The Mind and Space Stones are going to be very public, so you’re going to need a plan ahead of time. And there will be an army of Chitauri trying to kill both past and future you.”

“Piece of cake,” says Steve. “Not sure how I feel about you and Clint going to Vormir alone. We still don’t really know what’s there.”

Nat tilts her head back to look at him, “You trust me to handle things right?”

He leans down to kiss her forehead, “Of course I do.”

“Clint has nothing without this, Cap,” says Nat, “No one but me. Do you trust anyone else to keep him in check if needed? He’s going to get this done.”

“No. You’re right, it’s just you,” he sighs, “He won’t listen to anyone else. Maybe Rhodey and Nebula should take Vormir. It just bothers me that we don’t know what’s there.”

“There’s no way to know everything,” says Nat softly, “I’ll be careful.” Nat’s started to have a suspicion about what might wait there, but she knows if she voices that concern to Steve or to Clint, they’ll both spiral. And they can’t afford to lose this time. She gets up and rips out the page with the winning line up out of her notebook.

She pins it on the fridge like a casting sheet. “Tell them we start the real planning tomorrow.”

Steve leans in the doorframe the way he sometimes does to watch her do things. He grins, “Aye, aye, Captain.”

Nat grabs him by the shirt and pulls him down to her mouth. “Don’t ever say that again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he murmurs against her ear, “We’re going to pull this off.”

Chapter Text

Steve tries to insist she give the last pep talk, but she tasks that back to him. He’s never let her down once. The walk to the Quantum Tunnel feels a lot farther than any other day. 

“All right. We have a plan. Six Stones, three teams. One shot. Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends... We lost family... We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know. But it doesn't mean we should know what to expect.” He smiles at her, and her alone, “Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're gonna win. Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

Nat smothers a nervous giggle when Rocket remarks, “He's pretty good at that.”

Scott nods, “Right?!”

“All right,” says Tony, “You heard the man. Stroke those keys, Jolly Green.”

Bruce ignores the nickname, “Tractors engaged.”

Rocket presses a shrunken down Benetar into Clint’s hand, “You promise to bring that back in one piece, right?”

Clint seems unconcerned, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll do my best.”

“As promises go, that was pretty lame,” says Rocket.

Nat reaches out to kiss Steve, and squeezes his hand before taking her spot next to Clint, “See you in a minute.”

Steve smirks and bites back some counter remark to her joke. Yeah, he still thinks she’s cute.

Everyone puts on helmets and the Quantum tunnel engages. And Nat’s sucked inside.

Clint’s getting impatient as they drop off Rhodey and Nebula, “Hey, can we hurry it up?”

Technically, they have as much time as they need, but Nat’s starting to feel a little antsy herself, and not just because of the little lizard running past her ankles, “Guys, chop-chop. Come on. We're on a clock.” She stares in the direction she thinks Earth is in, but honestly, she doesn’t really know. Somewhere down there, Natasha Romanoff is a newly former Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., she’s scrambling to build up aliases, and just starting to entertain the possibility of asking Tony to stay in New York with him and Bruce.

“All that is really helpful.” Nat can’t help smiling. She and Rhodey have had their differences over the years, but she’s come to love him. Rhodey and Nebula finish preparing the ship. 

Nebula pats the ship fondly, “It will take you to Vormir. All you have to do is get in and make it small when you’re done.”

Rhodey reaches in for a hug, which Nat’s happy to give, “Take care, okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, because what else can he say? “Take that stone and come back. No messing around.”

Nat steps out of the way so Rhodey and Clint can shake hands and feel like men, “Hey. We got this. Let's get it done.” 

Clint agrees, “Yes, sir.”

“I’ll see you around,” Rhodey promises. As they board the ship he calls after them, “You guys watch each other's six.”

Nat waves. She and Clint always have one another’s backs. 

Nat braces as they reach the jump point. Clint laughs, “This is a long way from Budapest.”

Nat laughs along with him, “I am so fucking glad you didn’t kill me.

He smiles in a way Nat hasn’t seen since she broke him out of prison, “You are the coolest best  friend a guy could have, Nat. Seriously.”

“You’re lucky,” Nat agrees. 

The monitors stay eerily silent as they exit the jump point, no sign of life.  They stare down at a seemingly empty planet as the ship begins to descend. Clint breathes, “Wow – Under different circumstances, this would be totally awesome.”

“Yeah,” Nat agrees, “Probably.” 

There’s nothing on Vormir. Not people. Not animals. There’s sand and dust, or snow and ice, and a wind that whips across the ground with nothing in it’s path. Except the mountain.

Clint eyes it warily, “I guess we go up.”

“I guess we do,” agrees Nat. 

The mountain’s been climbed by people. Or is made to be climbed, with rocky but discernible steps carved into it all the way up. It’s still a long way. Nat can’t help complaining, “I bet the raccoon didn't have to climb a mountain.”

“Technically, he's not a raccoon, you know,” says Clint. 

If Nat weren’t slightly out of breath she’d have questions about when Clint and Rocket had had time to have that discussion. “Oh, whatever. He eats garbage.”

“Welcome.”

Nat has her gun out in a breath. There is one other being on this planet after all. It’s shrouded in shadows, “Natalia, daughter of Ivan. Clint, son of Edith.”

The hooded figure stops and doesn’t attack, so they cautiously approach, weapons still raised. Nat demands, “Who are you?”

“Consider me a guide. To you, and to all who seek the Soul Stone.” Oh great. A guide. Surely that meant someone helpful right?

Nat doesn’t lower her weapon, “Oh, good. You tell us where it is. Then we'll be on our way.”

“Oh, liebchen –” Nat blinks, not expecting to hear this otherworldly being speak German, “– If only it were that easy.”

Nat gets her first look at it’s face. A face she recognizes. “What?”

The Red Skull motions for them to follow, and without any other obvious course of action, they follow, weapons still ready. 

He stops at the peak of the mountain, and Nat peeks over the edge. It’s a hell of a long way down. “What you seek lies in front of you... as does what you fear.”

“The stone is down there,” she can feel it. 

“For one of you,” says the Red Skull, “For the other... In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul.” 

Clint stands next to her and they stare over the edge together, “Fuck, Nat.”

Nat reels back from the edge and sits down hard. Clint’s face is hard, unreadable. He’s done the math too. He lets her stew for a while, “How's it going?” She glares at him, and he shakes his head, “Jesus. Maybe he's making this shit up.”

Nat shakes her head, “No. I don't think so.”

“Why, 'cause he knows your Daddy's name?” God Clint’s gotten mean. 

“No,” she says, “I didn't. I don’t . I’m Natasha Romanoff, daughter of who the fuck knows. What I know is Thanos left here with the Stone, without his daughter. It's not like that’s a coincidence.”

“Yeah,” agrees Clint softly.

“Whatever it takes,” Nat tells herself.

“Whatever it takes,” he echoes, and somehow that makes her believe it even less.

Nat stands up, looks Clint in the eye, “If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead.”

“Yeah,” he says, and it’s almost inaudible. “Then I guess we both know who it’s gotta be.” 

He reaches for her hand and she takes it. “I guess we do.”

He looks up at her slowly, “I’m starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha”

Nat memorizes the lines of Clint’s face. He’s changed so much in seven years. “ I’m the logical play –”

“No,” he says, “Nat, stop, come on–”

“I have nothing to lose,” she says, “That’s always been the point –”

“We both know that’s bullshit,” Clint says before she can get the sentence out, “You’ve got Cap. Nat, I’ve got nothing to live for. Not a damn thing. So there –”

“If this works,” she says, “You know what you get back.”

“I’m not the man I was when I lost them,” he says softly, “And I can’t be if I lose you. Look what I’ve become, Natasha.” A tear leaks from his eye and he brushes it away with a chuckle, “Isn’t that something. Used to be you who had red in your ledger.”

“If we don’t do this, billions of people stay dead,” Natasha repeats for herself. “But if we don’t do it… the two of us are still alive. You and me, Clint.”

“That’s bad math, kid,” he whispers, “Just doesn’t add up.”

“No,” she says, “Hang on. Clint Barton, I will not save your family just to tell them you’ve killed yourself. We have time , okay? Let’s think this one through.”

“What’s to think –?”

Nat turns her back on Clint before he can do anything stupid, “Hey, Johann Schmidt!”

The Red Skull nearly topples over the cliff itself, “That was my name, once.”

Clint grabs her shoulder, “You know this guy?”

“History knows this guy,” says Nat, “This is the guy Cap fought.”

Clint spins her around, “Which guy? When?” His face clearly says ‘ Cap fights six dudes before breakfast, be more specific’.

“ The guy,” says Nat, “In 1945. From the plane.”

The Red Skull laughs, “You know Captain Rogers?”

“You could say that,” says Nat, “So what’s the deal here? You touched the Space Stone wrong and wound up in Space? That’s lame.”

“The Power of the Stone was too much,” agrees Red Skull, “It rejected me. I was teleported here, forced to watch over the Soul Stone and guide those who seek to wield its power.”

Nat stares over the edge again, “Tell me again.”

The Red Skull grimaces grotesquely, “It will not change the truth to hear it again.”

“The truth is not all things to all people,” says Nat softly, “Tell me again.”

“In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul, for a soul.”

“Not trying to rush you, Nat,” says Clint in her ear, “But that’s pretty clear.”

“No,” says Nat, “Just wait. We are going to do this. You and me. But before one of us does anything stupid and what was the phrase? ‘Everlasting’? Let’s just stop.” He nods finally and steps back from the ledge.

“You said ‘a soul for a soul’,” she repeats back.

“Yes, daughter of Ivan,” Red Skull says.

“Don’t call me that,” she says, “You also say we must lose that which we love. A soul can mean a life. But it doesn’t have to be. I lived a lot of lives with no love, no soul.”

“Nat, I don’t think –”

“Shut up, Clint,” snaps Nat. She turns to face him, “ You are my soul, Clint Barton. If it weren’t for you, I never would’ve found mine. And that’s still true, but I can’t go back. If I kill you, it’s not just your soul I’d be giving up. I’d be losing mine. That’s two souls. I need you to give me your wedding ring and your weapons.”

“That’s not – no.”

Nat reaches out and grabs Clint’s hand, “Trust me?”

“Always,” he says, and he hands her his blade.

She takes it, levels it against him, “Ring.”

His hands shake as he takes off his wedding ring, “Please, Nat –”

Nat holds the circle of gold in her hand. It’s heavier than it looks. She looks up at the Red Skull. “The Soul Stone isn’t a life. It’s an Infinity Stone. It’s energy, condensed. It’s a thing that represents a soul. This ring and this blade, they’re Clint’s marriage, his thirst for vengeance. They represent the force of his soul. And this represents mine.”

Nat rolls back her sleeve and takes off her watch. She pops the compartment open, smiles down at the happy, silly poses. Clint lets out a huff as he sees himself.

Nat swallows, “If this doesn’t work…”

“We’re too far past that, Red,” he says softly.

Nat turns back around. “Good,” she says, “Because it’s too late.”

She throws everything off the cliff. It seems impossible for the sound to travel that far, but she flinches as it all crashes against the bottom. She stares over the edge but it’s so far down she can’t see anything. She closes her eyes, remembers the moment that she severed her olfactory nerve to get around Dreykov’s pheromone block. If this thing demands more, demands sacrifice, so be it.

Clint sounds nervous, “Nat…”

“No, it’s – it’s okay.” She steps back from the cliff, and takes out her knife, “We’re not dying. But I need you to dig a piece of vibranium out of my back.” She retracts her suit and hands him the knife before kneeling.

“What the hell is this going to do to you?”

“It’ll be okay,” she says firmly, “Just…” She grips his hand and moves it to the exact spot, “Take it out. Hand it to me. I’ll throw it over.”

He kneels between her and the cliff, “Just kill me, Nat. It’s okay.”

She shakes her head, “You’re going home to Laura and Cooper, and Lila, and little Nathaniel. I have nothing if we don’t do this, and like you said, neither do you.”

He begs, “But Steve –”

“Steve understands,” she says, “Clint, please, if it doesn’t work, I’ll let you go, okay?”

He bows his head, and their foreheads touch, “You’re a hero.”

“That’s what you love about me,” she whispers.

Clint takes the hand Nat has behind her back, follows it to the vibranium nestled against her spine, “Jesus Christ, Natasha.”

“Just do it,” she grits her teeth, but she still screams when he stabs and twists.

It feels like being torn in half. It feels like being electrocuted again and again. And then it stops.

Nat’s shaking, but she breathes until she thinks she won’t pass out. She holds up her hand, “Give it.” 

The vibranium weighs less than Clint’s gold wedding ring and is oddly shaped. He stands and tries to help her get up, and she screams again. Her right leg goes out from under her. She tries again. Every shift in her body weight is like being stabbed and shocked at once. Blood drips down her tailbone. Nat clings to Clint’s arm as she hobbles forwards. She lets go of him and stands, teetering at the edge. She has to really work to make her arm extend. She drops the bead. She hears it hit the ground like a bullet. She’s lived her whole life molding her body to be whatever it needed to be – sexy, beautiful, strong, deadly – and now she can barely stand.

“You are foolish,” says Red Skull, “To think anything short of a human life –” He pauses suddenly, “Tell Steve Rogers that you carry the weight of your choices… and your failures.”

Nat sways and Clint catches her. But they’re not on the mountain-top, they’re standing in knee deep warm water. Nat gasps as she clutches the Stone to her chest.

Clint swears and puts pressure on her back, and if Nat could kick him, she would. “Don’t –!”

She sags and he has to hold her up. She grips him with all the strength she can muster, “Just get us home.”

He leans over her to reactivate her suit. “What the hell did you make me do?”

“Home,” she repeats.

He hits the button.

Nat lands on the platform hard. For a second everything is black and the next minute everything’s in full colour and she’s on fire. Clint catches her.

Bruce looks around, “Did we get them all?”

Rhodey grins, “You tellin’ me this’ll actually work?”

It takes them a second. Steve freezes as he sees her face, “Nat? What’s wrong?”

Nat holds up the Stone and watches helplessly as it tumbles out of her shaking hands. Tony dives to catch it, and Steve dives for her as she lurches out of Clint’s arms, “What, baby? What hurts?”

“Everything,” she gasps, “Had to.”

Steve looks around helplessly, “Okay, okay, let us help you. Tony, start putting stones on that glove, now.”

Chapter Text

Nat sobs the whole way to the med-bay. It’s that or scream, and screaming seems more distressing to the guys. Clint holds her hand the whole way while Steve carries her, and they explain to him and Bruce about the Soul Stone.

Nat twists onto her side as Steve puts her down, “Ahh!”

Steve leans over her bed, face filled with fond concern, “You ripped out the piece of vibranium holding your back together, are you nuts?”

“Maybe,” she says, “It’s okay. It’s been healing. I won’t die.”

Rhodey appears in the door, assesses the damage, “Oh hell no. What did you do, Romanoff?”

“I – I think I saved the world,” says Nat, “It’s okay.” She gasps around a burning pain down her right leg, “I’ll survive it.”

Bruce gives her something for the pain and they get her in the MRI machine. “Christ, Natasha. Your spinal cord isn’t severed, but you basically picked a scab off your spinal cord when Clint ripped that thing out. The nerve pain must be… unimaginable.”

“I’ll live,” she says through gritted teeth, “Just close it up.”

Bruce sounds apologetic, “I can’t. Cap?”

Nat nods, “Okay. Okay. Yeah. Bruce, come hold me still.”

Nat pretends she doesn’t see Steve’s hands shaking as he prepares to doctor her wound. Nat throws up when Bruce attempts to get her sitting up. Clint gently mops vomit off her chin, “Hold on, Nat. Hold on.”

It’s excruciating. Steve drops a kiss between her shoulder blades as he sets the suture kit aside for the last time, “Try not to move.” 

When she catches her breath, she pants, “Take me to the lab.”

Everyone balks, “Natasha –”

Nat looks from Steve to Clint, “Please. This was for something.”

Rhodey is the one who breaks. Maybe because he understands. He gets her a wheelchair.

Clint won’t let anyone else push her. Now that she’s not bleeding or in screaming pain, Steve’s clearly able to think through their story for the first time, “Okay, tell me again. The Stone was guarded by Red Skull, Johann Schmidt, who died in 1945?”

“Yes,” Clint confirms, “You should’ve seen his ugly mug when Nat called his ass out by name.”

Tony only looks up for a second when they come in, “Hey, how are you holding up, oh fearless leader?”

“I’ll be better if you get those Stones in that thing,” she says.

“Working on it,” says Tony, moving with the kind of precision Nat only sees from him in the lab. 

“Boom!”

Everyone jumps at the outburst from Rocket. Tony nods, “It’s ready.”

“Yeah, it’s ready,” agrees Rocket, “Question is, who's gonna snap their fucking fingers?”

And yeah, they planned the hell out of the heist. The plans all stopped at ‘ get the Stones, bring everyone back’. They hadn’t really planned this part out.

Thor volunteers first, “I'll do it.”

“Excuse me?” Tony can’t even hide his incredulity, “No, no, no, whoa.” Thor tries to reach for the glove, “Stop. Stop. Wait a sec. Wait, wait–”

Steve steps in as well, “Thor, just wait. We haven't decided who's gonna put that on yet.”

“I'm sorry?” Thor glares at Steve, “What, we're just sitting around waiting for the right opportunity?”

“We should at least discuss it,” suggests Scott. 

Thor brushes Scott aside, “No, no, sitting here staring at that thing is not gonna bring everybody back. I'm the strongest Avenger, okay? So this responsibility falls upon me. It's my duty.”

Tony groans, “It's not about that –”

“No, it's not that –” Thor is looking like he might fight them all to wear the thing, “Stop it! Just let me! Just let me do it. Just let me do something good. Something right.” And Nat’s not a monster anymore. She’s ten minutes out from her own self-destructive power play, she’s a little inclined to let Thor try. 

Tony’s surprisingly gentle, “Look, it's not just the fact that that glove is channeling enough energy to light up a continent, I'm telling you, you're in no condition.”

That assessment has Thor reeling, “What do you –? What do you think is coursing through my veins right now?”

Always the sarcastic one, Rhodey suggests, “Cheez Whiz?”

Thor ignores that, “Lightning.”

“Yeah,” says Tony placatingly. 

“Lightning won't help you, pal,” says Bruce softly, “It's gotta be me.”

Nat stares at her friend. He stares back, eyes sad, “You saw what those stones did to Thanos. It almost killed him. None of you could survive.” 

Steve asks quietly, “How do we know you will?”

“We don't,” says Bruce honestly, “But the radiation's mostly gamma. It's like, uh – it’s like I was made for this.” Nat wonders if Bruce has been thinking about this since the moment she suggested their plan to him. Probably, and he’s never said anything, never let them get that far in the planning process.

“Whoa, hold on,” says Scott, “What does that mean?”

Nat takes a deep breath as she plants her hands on the arms of the wheelchair. She nearly screams as she forces her feet to the floor. Something knocks on the floor and smashes when she forces herself up and the chair moves back. Steve jumps up to grab her, “Whoa, Nat! What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m reminding you assholes that I’m in charge of the fucking Avengers,” she says, holding onto him for dear life, “So stop arguing. Bruce, are you sure you want to take this chance?”

He looks into her eyes for a long time and Nat sees the old him reflected back. The guy who asked her to run away together, “You already did. I’ve got the best chance at surviving.”

Nat nods and Steve adjusts his grip on her as he moves them back a bit. 

Tony adjusts the table with the gauntlet on it and steps back, “Good to go, yeah?”

Bruce nods firmly, “Let's do it.”

Tony nods back, “You remember – everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago and just bringing them back to now, today. Don't change anything from the last five years.” Nat pictures Morgan’s sweet little face nestled into Tony’s shoulder. They can’t get that part wrong.

“Got it,” Bruce confirms.

Steve swallows, “Not to sound overprotective, but maybe you shouldn’t be in here.”

Nat’s sweating from the effort of standing while he’s bearing most of her weight, “Don’t even think about it, Cap.”

“Had to try,” he says, holding his shield between them and Bruce. Everyone else who has a suit suits up. Tony holds a shield in front of Clint and Nat spots Rocket hiding behind Thor’s broad shoulders. Tony commands, “FRIDAY, do me a favor and activate Barn Door Protocol, will you?”

“Yes, boss,” says Tony’s latest AI assistant. Doors close, windows shutter themselves. Bruce stares up as the sky above them is blocked out. Nat can’t help but think what she’s sure he’s thinking – Tony probably put these in place to contain The Hulk. 

“Everybody comes home,” repeats Bruce like a mantra, and he puts his hand in the gauntlet. 

Bruce drops to his knees in pain. Nat’s own knees almost give out, “Bruce!”

Thor shouts for him to take it off. Steve’s oddly calm next to her and that is comforting somehow, “No, wait. Bruce, are you okay?” 

Bruce gasps in pain. His arm is being consumed by the power, burnt up like an overloaded circuit. Tony orders, “Talk to me, Banner.”

Bruce moans, then gasps, “I'm okay. I'm okay.” He screams, as he fights against his own body – a sensation Nat’s unfortunately familiar with. He meets her eyes for a moment and nods and snaps his fingers. 

Bruce falls to the ground and everyone converges on him. Nat’s left swaying on her own as Steve leaves her behind to kneel over Bruce. “Don’t move him,” orders Tony sharply. Clint kicks the smoking gauntlet away from Bruce as Tony sprays down Bruce’s arm with something.

Bruce pants, “Did it work?”

“We’re not sure,” says Thor, “It's over. It's okay.”

Barn Door Protocol lifts itself apparently, because the doors and windows begin unsealing. Nat takes two steps and collapses back into her chair. Steve’s eyes shoot up, “Shit, Nat, I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine,” she gasps, “Take care of Bruce.” He stands up to check on her anyways.

Nat is trying to keep from throwing up again – Steve is rubbing a spot between her shoulder blades which is nice – when she sees Clint freeze. She watches him turn around slowly. He walks over to one of the work benches. Nat tries to see, “Clint, what?”

He picks up his cell phone and holds it up. It’s too far away for her to read, but the picture looking up at her is Laura’s. He holds the phone to his ear, “Hi. Honey.”

It worked. It worked .

And then the world explodes.

Nat’s not sure how she’s alive. She’s laying half-buried, face down on the ground. 

She hears someone nearby swearing a blue streak. Tony. She lifts her head slightly, “Hey. Hey!”

He kneels over her, starts digging her out, “Fucking hell, Romanoff, are you okay?”

“I wasn’t exactly okay before,” she growls, but she pushes herself to her hands and knees, “Find Steve.”

“But –”

“Tony, I cannot fight , so go find Captain fucking America,” growls Nat, “And tell him to watch your fucking back and go kill whatever the fuck that was.”

 “What it was was Thanos. Don’t stress, Thor’s watching him.” Tony hauls her up anyways, ignoring her directions, “Can’t leave you here, sorry, Widow. Cap would have my head.”

They stagger through the wreckage together until Nat sees it. Shield. Tony spots it too, “There.”

Tony picks it up and they keep moving. Another ten feet away, Nat sees him, “Steve!”

He doesn’t move until Tony drags her right over to him. “Come on, buddy. Wake up.”

Steve gasps and his eyes fly open. Tony leaves her to bear her own weight as he kneels over Steve with the shield, “That’s my man. You lose this again, I’m keeping it.”

Steve looks around, “What the hell happened? Nat!”

“I’m here,” she says, “Gotta get up, Cap.”

“You mess with time, it tends to mess back,” says Tony, “You'll see.” He reaches down and pulls Steve up. Steve stumbles to her, “Are you okay?”

“Thanos just tried to kill us. Again,” she says, “I’m pissed.”

Tony leads the way out while Steve drags her along behind. Nat’s breath catches in her throat – metaphorically, since she can’t seem to actually get a breath – as she spots Thor. He’s physically fine, unaffected by the missile that rained down on them, staring out into the hole where the rest of the Compound used to be. As Steve and Tony help her join them she sees what they’re staring at. Thanos. 

Tony asks, “What's he been doing?”

“Absolutely nothing,” says Thor quietly. Nat can feel the hatred he has for Thanos.

Steve asks, “Where are the Stones?” And oh shit. The Stones are here. Somewhere.

“Somewhere under all this.” says Tony unhelpfully, “All I know is he doesn't have ‘em.”

“So we keep it that way,” says Steve.

“Put me down,” says Nat quietly to Steve.

He looks at her, “What?”

“Can’t fight,” Nat says, “Best I can do is get out of the way.” She takes her phone out of her pocket, “I’ll try to get the comms back up, and maybe – maybe the others are still…”

Steve gently sets her down, “I love you so god damned much, Natasha Romanoff.”

“I love you too,” she says, “Now go kick his ass and try to come back to me.”

Thor looks at each of them slowly, “You know it's a trap, right?”

“Yeah,” says Tony, “I don't much care.”

“Good,” Thor says, “Just as long we are all in agreement.” Thunder cracks on the horizon and Thor reaches out both hands. Stormbreaker and Mjolnir both come to him at the same instant that lightning strikes him. Nat has to close her eyes for a second. When she blinks again, Thor’s hair and beard are braided out of his face, he’s wearing Asgardian armor and a cape. Its the best he’s looked in years. He nods, “Let's kill him properly this time.” 

Nat knows she should be trying to find the others, doing what she just promised she would and getting comms reconnected, but it’s hard not to watch as three people she loves march towards a lethal threat. 

Thanos’s voice carries over the empty hole they’re in. “You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive. But you’ve shown me that’s impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist.”

Tony snarks, “Yep. We’re all kinds of stubborn.”

Thanos’s lecture continues, “I'm thankful. Because now, I know what I must do.” Thanos starts to put on his helmet and, “I will shred this universe down to its last atom. And then – with the stones you've collected for me – create a new one, teeming with life, that knows not what it has lost but only what it has been given. A grateful universe.”

Thor crackles with lightning and Steve brandishes his shield, “Born out of blood.”

“They'll never know it,” says Thanos, “Because you won't be alive to tell them.” 

The first strike shocks Nat back into the task at hand. She swipes on her phone desperately, “FRIDAY? I need you to help me out here, girlfriend. I know there’s not much left, but please, if there’s any way you can scan for anyone –”

“Life force detected.”

Nat bites back a sob, “You’re sure?”

“I am always sure. Bringing comms back online. System reboot required.”

“Yes, reboot,” Nat confirms, as Tony is tossed at least ten feet away from Thanos.

Nat stands on shaking legs as Thanos pins Thor down and they struggle, Stormbreaker between them. Her friend is about to die and she can’t do anything but shout. “ No! ”

And then Nat witnesses something impossible. 

Steve gets to his feet, reaches out a hand, and directs Mjolnir to hit Thanos in the head and then catches it. Nat doesn’t know how to process what she’s just seen for a moment. Thor shouts, “I knew it!”

Thanos kicks Thor to the ground and heads for Steve instead. 

“Comms back online.”

Nat freezes. She doesn’t know what to say now that she can. Her eyes lock on Steve, and it’s both terrible and magnificent to behold.

Steve swings Mjolnir like he’s always had a magical hammer, charging Thanos and knocking him back. They battle and Steve is clearly worthy of all the powers of Thor, because lightning blasts Thanos back.

For a single moment, Nat lets herself believe Steve’s winning. And then he’s not. Thanos rips away his cracked helmet, and swings viciously at Steve. Nat sees Mjolnir go flying and watches on with horror as a chunk is ripped out of his shield. “Does anybody copy? Steve needs help now .” She takes a few wobbling steps as Steve is under attack. He goes flying, “Steve!”

He rolls over, but he doesn’t get up. Thanos watches him, “In all my years of conquest – violence,  slaughter – It was never personal. But I'll tell you now – what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet – I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much.”

There’s a beam of light from the sky and then Nat’s staring at an army the size of the one that overwhelmed them in Wakanda. The same army, really.

Nat begs, “If anyone is alive out there, please, please now is the time to tell me.”

Steve gets to his feet. He turns back to look at her as he tightens his shield. Nat staggers into the nearest standing chunk of support beam. He’s going to fight this army alone. She’s going to watch him die, and when he’s gone they will come for her. And she blew her one in a million shot at fighting her way out the second she asked Clint to dig that vibranium out of her spine.

Nat almost thinks she hallucinates the voice, it's so faint. She can’t make out anything but a few words, “Cap… read me?”

But then Steve pauses and looks around, like he heard it too. 

“Cap, it’s Sam. Can you hear me? On your left.”

Steve turns around again and Nat sees a portal open to the left of them both. Then another and another. Sam dives out of the first portal and does a wide arc overhead. She spots Peter Parker, with whom she assumes is Dr. Strange and Rocket and Nebula’s little found family. The Wakandan army pours in, led by T’Challa, Okoye, and Shuri. Nat’s pretty sure she sees Pepper in an Iron Suit. She sees the telltale red of Wanda’s magic.

Nat jumps at the chance, “Wanda! Can you hear me?”

“I copy.”

“I’m where the garage used to be,” says Nat, “Get me down to Shuri.”

As far as transportation goes, Nat can’t recommend Wanda’s mind powers. But less than a second after Nat is raised in the air, the place she was standing is destroyed by Scott ripping through the building in his giant form, so there’s no going back. She breathes a sigh of relief as he sets down Rhodey, Rocket, and Bruce. She lands next to T’Challa, who catches her mid-collapse “Ms. Romanoff!”

Nat reaches for Shuri, “My back, you can fix it later, but there’s no time. Ross told me you have something that’ll stabilize it.”

“This will hurt,” warns Shuri, as she shoves something into Nat’s back, “Do not try to fight.” Nat bites back a scream. Despite the two opposing armies forming around her, fighting is not on Nat’s list of things to do.

There are hundreds of people pouring in on foot, more in ships, everywhere she looks she sees enhanced and aliens and wizards. Steve spots her and gives her a little shrug, like ‘what can you do, huh?’ He raises his broken shield and Mjolnir flies into his other hand as he squares up against Thanos, “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”

Their newly formed army lets out a shout and charges forwards. Nat, finally able to at least sort of walk without weakness or excruciating pain, moves in the other direction, back towards the remains of the Compound. “Okay, I don’t know who has me in their ears, but I need people to talk to me.”

“I read you,” says Steve, followed by at least a dozen others.

Clint’s voice cuts through the sound off, “Cap, what do you want me to do with this damn thing?”

Steve answers, “Get those stones as far away as possible!” 

Nat finally spots where Clint is also running away from the fight. 

Bruce shouts, “No! We need to get them back where they came from.”

“Talk to Nat,” says Steve, still fighting. 

Nat shouts, “Scott! Pick me up, get me out of the way!”

Scott grabs her and gets her on top of what’s left of the Compound. The battle spreads out below her as he lumbers off to squish Thanos’s armies. 

Tony has bad news, “No way to get them back. Thanos destroyed the Quantum Tunnel.”

Scott shrinks back to normal size, “Hold on! That wasn’t our only time machine.” Nat hears a very distinctive horn blaring La Cucaracha over the sound of battle.

Steve asks, “Anyone see an ugly, brown van out there?”

Nat scans the battlefield, but all she sees is destruction. Thor’s right hand, Valkyrie, answers in the affirmative, “Yes! But you're not gonna like where it's parked!”

It’s deep in the area occupied by Thanos’s forces. Tony asks, “Scott, how long you need to get that thing working?”

“Maybe ten minutes?”

“Go,” orders Nat.

“We'll get the stones to you,” finishes Steve.

Someone Nat doesn’t know says, “We're on it, Cap.” Nat sees a woman with Scott for a moment before they both shrink. She assumes this must be Scott’s lost Hope. 

Nat turns her focus back to Clint. He’s running an incredibly deadly relay race, but from here Nat can see that he’s about to be overtaken, “Someone get to Clint!”

“On it,” promises T’Challa.

Her next objective is Thanos, but she sees Wanda there and goes back to the glove. Peter’s taken it from T’Challa, but he’s surrounded now too. Nat orders, “Hey, shake off whatever’s coming for you, get the Stones. Peter, can you hear me? Help’s coming.”

“I got it,” he says, and as Nat hears him say something that she thinks is ‘Activate Instant Kill’.

Wanda is kicking Thanos’s ass. He screams as armor is ripped from him, “Rain fire! Just do it!”

Canons rain down explosive bolts. The ground moves. If there was any Compound left, it would be decimated. Nat sees shields go up all around their forces, but it’s not enough. She’s knocked from her feet and her back wrenches horrifically. 

Pepper asks, “Uh, is anyone else seeing this?”

Nat forces her face up and scans for obvious weirdness, and sees that thanks to the thorough destruction of the Compound, the river is now above them, and the last bits of foundation holding the water back is taking a beating. “Heads up everyone, this whole place is about to flood.”

“No, it’s not.” Nat sees one man stand before a wall of water, and will it back into a hurricane. And then hold it. Nat lets herself sag for a moment.

Another set of blasts sends Nat flying and she lands hard next to Steve. He hauls her to her feet, “Are you crazy? What are you doing here?”

“Not exactly my choice,” she grumbles. She leans on him hard, unable to get her balance as the ground heaves under their feet. “I’m okay. Shuri stabilized me, it’s holding.” It’s not holding. Nat’s pretty sure it’s actually getting worse post-fall.

Peter’s voice is panicked in their ears, “Help! Somebody, help!”

Steve steps back so he has room to throw his hammer and Nat has to sink down to put her hands on the ground or she’d outright collapse. Steve tosses with an unfairly casual, “Hey, Queens, heads up!” Peter sticks himself to the flying hammer and is ripped through the air. Pepper grabs him from the sky, “Hang on. I got you, kid.”

Nat loses them then as another volley of blasts sends her pitching into the dirt. Steve lifts her again, holds what’s left of his shield over them. She shouts, “We have to take out that ship.”

“How?”

Nat can’t answer him as he lifts her out of the way of a blast that narrowly misses the spot they were just standing, “I don’t know, Steve, but we’re all going to die if this keeps up.” The cannon fire seems to double, and it’s almost all they can do to hang on to one another.

“I’ll get it,” he says, though the question of how still remains. Before he can leave her side, the blasts abruptly stop. All the cannons start shooting in the other direction, up instead of down.

Sam – God she missed him and how he says what everyone’s thinking – shouts, “What the hell is this?”

Tony asks, “FRIDAY, what are they firing at?”

She – is FRIDAY a she? Does she care? – answers, “Something just entered the upper atmosphere.”

Nat sinks to her knees next to Steve’s feet as a streak of light zips across the sky, “Yes.”

Steve looks down, “What?”

“Backup,” she says.

The streak of light smashes through the middle of the ship and it drops hard into the water. Steve stares up at the sky, finally recognizing the lightsource, “Danvers, we need an assist here.”

Nat looks around, “Peter, we’re coming for you, kid. Carol, there’s a kid with a glove, we need the glove in the ugly van, now .”

“On it,” says Carol, diving towards Peter.

Nat’s back screams with every move, but she takes Steve’s hand and pulls herself up. She sways and stays up, nods at him as she addresses whoever’s still out there, “Everyone, get the glove to the van, or we all die, got it?” She staggers back towards higher ground, avoiding where fights get too close for comfort as best she can. She picks up a spear from someone – fallen Chatauri, maybe – and leans on it heavily. She can finally see Peter and Carol clearly, sees Pepper, Okoye, Shuri, Nebula, and at least four others converging to assist. And the assistance is needed, because the Chitauri are coming, along with the rest of the armies. Thanos tries to intervene as Carol cuts a line through his forces, but Pepper, Shuri, and Scott’s girlfriend intercept him. 

Nat has never felt less helpful in her life as battle rages on all sides. Scott reports back, “It’s up.”

“Stones are on their way,” says Nat. But no sooner has she said that than the Quantum tunnel explodes. “No!”

The glove lays in the middle of an open space. Tony reaches for it, then sees Thanos barreling down and changes course to tackle him. Tony goes flying and doesn’t get up right away. Thor comes in with both weapons. Nat sees Steve jump into the fray. “Someone get that glove out of there, now.”

It’s happening again. They’ve delayed things by half an hour, maybe less. But they’re back exactly where they started. Nat watches Thor go flying. Thanos flings Steve around and punches directly down. She screams for him to get up. He doesn’t move. 

Thanos picks up the glove. Carol dives into him. Nat can’t really run, but she slides back down to the battlefield and limps towards them. She’s hoping the battle will be over or moved by the time she gets there. She’s getting to Steve.

Like Wanda, Carol seems like she’s able to hold her own against Thanos. And then she’s sailing past Nat. And they’ve lost. They’ve lost everything, again.

Thanos puts on the glove and shouts as the Stones try to consume him like they did with Bruce. Carol soars over Nat’s head and tries to hold his hand open. Thanos rips one of the Stones out and hits Carol, and this time she goes way farther and Nat wouldn’t blame her for losing consciousness.

Nat falls to her knees next to Steve. He’s still breathing. But they’re all about to be destroyed and she just wants the last thing she sees to be him. “Open your eyes, baby. Look at me.” His eyes crack open a little bit and she just holds his face in her hands

She hears Tony’s voice in her comms, “And I… am… Iron Man.”

Nat looks up as they don’t die and instead it’s their enemy that dissolves around them. Steve sits up, sounding dazed. “Nat?”

“Get up,” she hisses, “Get up!”

They hold one another up and Nat directs them towards Thanos in time to watch him sit down and disintegrate to ash.

They keep going in search of Tony, and Nat immediately knows they’ve paid too high a cost. His entire right side is burned, including his face. Pepper is urging Peter up. She kneels in front of her husband. “Tony. Look at me. We're gonna be okay. You can rest now.”

Nat knows he’s really gone when his arc reactor goes out. She sobs against Steve’s chest, and they sink to the ground together.

It’s a long time before she can see past her grief. Nat’s the first one to push herself to her feet, she staggers to Pepper’s side and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Anyone still alive, we need to get wounded out of here. Wizard Guy can’t hold the water forever.”

“That’s Dr. Wizard Guy,” she hears in response, “Stephen Strange.”

T’Challa says, “Open the portal back to Wakanda. We will treat our wounded there.”

Nat closes her eyes, “If anyone has a ship, I need a recovery.” She bites back a sob, “Tony Stark is down.”

That gets Steve moving again. He stumbles to her side and lifts Pepper who fights back, “No!”

“Hey, hey,” Nat says, “We’re just going to move him, alright?”

Sam lands next to her, and she sees him seeing Tony for the first time, “Aw, man, no.” Sam hugs Steve hard, “Princess Shuri told me that if I didn’t come back with Natasha I better not come back. 

Nat reaches for Steve, “Hey, stay with –”

“I should go with you,” he says, “Nat –”

“I’m in good hands,” she says, “Please. Check on everyone else.”

Before she lets Sam fly off with her, Nat kneels in front of Tony, “You stupidly heroic asshole. I’m sorry.” She reaches down, and the Infinity Stone studded glove detaches from the rest of Tony’s suit so easily, that Nat almost falls – again – from the lack of resistance, “I’ve got them all.”

Chapter Text

Nat wakes up in Wakanda for what feels like the third time too many. She’s already back in her “own” room, though Steve’s sitting in a chair nearby like she’s an invalid. He’s asleep, and she spots three other heads on the couch, and Bruce sprawled on the floor where a coffee table had been before. 

The glove and the stones are sitting on the bedside table like the world’s weirdest most powerful reading lamp. “What are you all doing here?” Steve startles awake. Bruce sits up, and Sam falls off the couch. Nat eases herself into a somewhat sitting position, ignoring their protests, “Okay, okay, relax!”

Steve looks like hell. Which is really saying something for a guy who heals at super speed. “Someone want to tell me why you’re all camped out here? Surely there are some people in the world who could use an Avenger or two.” Clint and Bucky help Sam up as they crowd the space around the bed.

Clint practically climbs over Steve to get his arms around her, “Laura sends her love.”

Nat holds him to her for a minute longer, then lets go, “You should go to them.”

He protests, “But you –”

“Barton, I love you, but I am going to play the ‘you ghosted me for five years’ card,” says Nat firmly, “I did just fine without you. Look how many big strong superheroes are watching my ass. Go home and kiss your wife and hug your children, please .” She gestures at herself, “What exactly is watching me sleep helping anyone with?”

Clint kisses her on the forehead, “You need me, I’ll come right back here, just say the word.” When she still doesn’t put up a fight about him leaving, he pushes back through the room and leaves. 

Nat stretches her legs cautiously. She can move her legs, which she takes as a good sign even if it hurts. “Okay. That was easier than I was thinking. Going to need one of you to just tell me what’s up now.”

Steve sits forward, “So, your back will eventually heal.”

“Great,” Nat says, “Guessing it’s not a pop-a- robaxacet and walk it off deal?”

“You’re going to have some chronic pain most likely,” says Steve, “For a while. Maybe always.”

Nat sighs, “Told you one day my body’d give out, didn’t I?”

No one cracks a smile. Nat stares at them all, “ What is wrong with you all? Am I the only one who remembers that we won ?”

Steve looks down and Nat reaches for his hand, “Just tell me.”

“Better tell her,” says Bruce softly.

His arm is in a sling, which Nat can see more clearly now that he’s standing at the foot of the bed, “Oh God, Bruce. Are you alright?”

He shrugs with his non-injured shoulder, “I’m alive?”

Nat closes her eyes, she feels like she could sleep for a week if they weren’t sitting around just waiting for her to wake up. “Alive’s good. If I look up, are you all going to be staring at me like I’m broken?”

“Sorry,” says Steve, shifting her hand in both of his. “Can you blame us? You usually charge right in with the rest of us. It’s weird to see you need to take a knee.”

“Take a knee,” Nat chuckles, “That’s a real nice way of saying ‘sat on my ass’ in a fight, Rogers.”

Bucky laughs, “You’re gonna pretend you weren’t in that fight? Cause we all saw you all over that.”

“I could barely stand,” Nat says, feeling unexpectedly choked up at their insistence she did her part, “And oh my God, it is good to see you.”

Bucky grins at her, “Hey, Mrs. Steve.”

“Mr. Steve,” she smiles back. Her smile fades, “Where’s Rhodey?”

“He’s with Pepper,” says Steve.

Nat breathes through that. “How’s the world out there?”

“Chaos,” says Sam, “People popped up where they left, new people in their homes, their jobs. People lived and were born and died and moved on while we were gone.” 

Nat pulls her hand from Steve’s, “What about that?”

Everyone regards the Stones uneasily. Sam shrugs, “You’re the one who grabbed it off a dead man –”

“ Dude .”

Sam throws up his hands, “Sorry, you want me to tiptoe around it?”

Nat does them all a favor and moves them ahead, “Bruce, you said we had to put them back?”

Bruce explains time travel again – and surely one of these times the explanation will be right – and how they have to put the Stones back to “clip the branches of the timeline”. Nat sighs, “Okay, well, we’re going to need a new quantum tunnel, I guess.”

“That can wait,” says Steve, “At least until the funeral.”

The word’s like getting shot all over again. “Right. And when’s that?”

“A few days,” says Steve, “You should be fine to travel by then.” 

She sighs as the emotional pain plateaus for the moment. Nat tries to adjust her position, and lets out an embarrassingly distressed whimper when the movement spurs a shock of physical pain. Everyone flinches. Nat groans at Steve, “You’re too far away, come lay beside me.”

Steve looks nervously at the others, “In front of everyone –”

“Oh relax,” Nat says, “You’re laying on the bed, we couldn’t do anything if we wanted to. I think they can all be adults about it, right?”

Someone coughs uncomfortably, but Steve leans down and unlaces his boots. He uses Sam to brace himself as he steps onto the bed, only to misjudge the firmness of the mattress and go tumbling. Nat chokes a little as she’s bounced, but she covers it up with a laugh as she reaches for him.

He pulls her gently into his arms, and Nat sees Sam turn around to hide a smirk, “Wilson, if you’re really going to pretend we didn’t spend two years on the road with you…”

He holds his hands up, “My bad for pretending to respect y’all’s privacy.”

Bucky takes Steve’s vacant chair, “So, Nat, Stevie’s been too busy worrying about you, no one seems to be able to tell us what the hell happened.”

Nat, Steve, and Bruce take turns exchanging ‘last five years’ stories. For the others, no time has passed, and that’s something. Good or bad, Nat’s not sure where it lands on the scale. Eventually Nat’s too exhausted and half falling asleep curled against Steve. 

Bucky stays behind when the others are gone. Nat lets her eyes close, something she never imagined doing around James Barnes ever. He says to Steve, “You’re telling me in five years , nothing’s changed?”

“Things have changed,” says Steve, “What were you expecting, Buck?”

“I don’t know,” admits Bucky softly, “When I heard neither of you got dusted, I don’t know, I thought you’d be settled down. You love her?”

“Turns out, neither of us was the settling type,” says Steve, “I love her.”

Always the protective friend, Bucky asks even more quietly, “And she loves you?”

“Without a doubt,” says Steve.

“Well then forget I said anything,” says Bucky, “And for God’s sake, Steve, when she wakes up next, feed the lady.”

That rouses Nat a bit, “Yeah, make me a sandwich.”

Steve laughs, drops a kiss on her forehead, “Sure, Nat. What do you want?”

“Don’t go yet,” she says, holding onto him, “Lay with me.”

He relaxes back into the bed and Bucky slips out. Steve says softly, “Bucky didn’t mean –”

“He loves you,” mumbles Nat against his chest, “It’s sweet. I’m a big girl, I can take it.”

Steve pets her hair, lulling her back towards sleep, “Seriously though, when you wake up, I’ll make you any sandwich you want.”

“Peanut butter,” she requests, “With the jelly.”

“Sure thing,” he agrees, “All the jelly.”

Three days later they have a private funeral at Tony and Pepper’s. Nat leans on Steve as he helps her out of the car. Morgan’s face pops over the porch railing, “Auntie Nat!” She races across the yard to see them.

Nat winces as Morgan clings to her legs, “Hey baby, I can’t pick you up today.”

“I can,” says Steve, scooping her into his arm and flipping her upside down.

She giggles, “Uncle Cap! I’m all mixed around!”

He sets her down right side up and she bounds back towards the house, “Mommy! They’re here!”

They’re late for this extra private viewing. Nat didn’t even want to be included, but Pepper had asked personally for them to come. Nat’s legs feel like jell-o, but she chooses to stand with Steve where he’s the only one who will see if she cries. If there was a room where she wouldn’t care if people saw her crying – this room would be her pick. Nat just knows if she starts crying, it’s going to be a hell of a time stopping it. She can’t stand to see Pepper’s face, so she seeks refuge standing behind her. Thor nods to her from Steve’s other side. Rhodey is waiting on a chair. Pepper sets Tony’s helmet on the coffee table and scoops Morgan onto the couch between her and Happy. 

Tony, of course, has to have the last word. A whole damn monologue. “Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn't always roll that way. Maybe this time. I'm hoping if you play this back, it's in celebration. I hope families are reunited, I hope we get it back, and something like a normal version of the planet has been restored. If there ever was such a thing. God, what a world. Universe, now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren't alone, let alone, you know, to this extent, I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised. But come on, you know? The epic forces of darkness and light that have come into play. And, for better or worse, that's the reality Morgan's gonna have to find a way to grow up in. So I thought I'd probably better record a little greeting, in the case of an untimely death on my part.”

In true Tony fashion, there’s a little rambling, “I mean, not that, death at any time isn't untimely. This time travel thing that we're gonna try and pull off tomorrow, it's – it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of it all. That's the thing. Then again, that's the hero gig. Part of the journey is the end.” He suddenly seems to shake that thought off as he stands, “What am I even trippin' for? Everything's gonna work out exactly the way it's supposed to. I love you 3,000.” The recording ends.

Pepper lets out a little sigh. Morgan stares at the spot her father’s image had been. It’s Peter who stands, “They’re waiting.” It’s true, everyone else is waiting in the back yard. It’s a small affair, entirely oppositional to the debt the world owes Tony Stark. Pepper leads Morgan outside and down to the dock, where she sets Tony’s original arc reactor adrift. 

Steve lifts her slightly to get her down the stairs, and they stand on the dock next to Peter and his Aunt May. For a long time it’s quiet, everyone reconciling their loss in a world without Tony Stark. 

People spread out, after a while. Nathaniel and Morgan find each other and weave in and out amongst the adults.

Nat stands at the railing of the porch alone, and it’s there that Pepper finds her, “Your back holding up? You can sit down, or lay down if you want?”

Nat looks down, “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be alright. How are you? Morgan seems like she’s doing okay.”

They watch the girl sprinting across the yard. Pepper shrugs, “I don’t know. I hope so.”

Nat blinks back a fresh wave of grief, “I miss him. Not – not how you and Morgan miss him, of course – but I just… I keep wanting to call him. Hear his stupid answering message.”

Pepper laughs tearfully, “Oh God.”

Nat scuffs her shoe against the deck, “The world’s going to remember him. What he did.”

Pepper nods, “That’s good. Fine.”

“It’s not an even trade,” agrees Nat.

Steve’s hand smooths over the small of her back, but he’s gentle over all the bits that hurt, “Hey.”

“I should – I should go check on Morgan,” says Pepper. Morgan’s visible from here, but Nat’s not going to deny Pepper anything today, least of all an easy out. 

Nat leans on Steve’s shoulder, “How are you holding up?”

“Just fine,” he says softly, “We lost something… irreplaceable. One of a kind. A – a brother, a friend.”

They stand at the railing for a long time. Eventually Bruce, Clint, and Thor come to stand with them. None of them talk for a long time. Nat asks, “What do you think he’s doing now? Watching us?”

“Annoying the hell out of whoever’s in charge,” says Bruce.

Steve smiles at that, “Tony Stark vs. God? I’d hate to be God.”

That makes them all laugh. Clint snorts, “I hope he’s not watching us. I haven’t let Laura or the kids out of my sight in days. He’ll be bored out of his mind.”

Nat nods, “Not exactly moving too fast these days.”

Thor says softly, “I am leaving New Asgard with Rocket.”

Nat sighs, “Where will you go?”

“Somewhere where I can learn what’s next for me,” says Thor, “Who I am.”

Nat asks, “What about your people? What about us ?”

Thor’s quiet for a moment, “My people have a King –or a Queen, if we’re being precise – and it’s not me. And… I’ll visit. Of course.” He doesn’t sound like he’ll visit, but Nat’s been to space herself now, she’ll force the issue if she has to. “It’s not like we’re still…?”

Nat drops her face into her hands, “I guess not.”

For a minute, they had been again. First standing on that platform, preparing to undo their biggest loss, and then again  in the moments after the portals spilled out nearly every ally they knew. But Nat had known, if not when she threw her watch over the cliff, then definitely when she’d directed Clint’s hands over her spine – her time as an Avenger was running out. With Tony gone, this chapter feels like it might be ending.

Bruce asks, “What about you, Nat? You’re… well, kind of homeless?”

“Home’s more than a place, or things,” Nat says, and that’s a familiar truth, “Even a really good place with really nice things. My home is wherever all of you are.”

Clint grins, “So I should make sure your room’s still livable, huh?”

Nat shrugs, “I haven’t really thought about it.” She glances at Bruce and Steve, “Kind of feels like there’s one more thing to wrap up, yeah?”

Bruce nods, “Working on it. Shouldn’t take more than a few days. Maybe a week or two.”

They all stare out at the lake for a while longer. Bruce and Thor wander away. Clint goes to check in that the kids aren’t too bored or too sad. Steve says quietly, “I can’t help but think, that when I said ‘whatever it takes’, maybe, that gave Tony the idea –”

“Don’t do that,” Nat advises, “You heard Tony, he knew it might come to that. And I – I miss him. We’ll miss him. ‘That’s the hero gig’, that’s what he said. If you think any one of us would have done anything different –”

Steve sounds like he doesn’t even hear her, “Remember that first fight we had? I told him he wasn’t the guy to make the sacrifice move, that he should stop playing a hero. He sure showed me, huh?”

Tears sting Nat’s eyes, “Everything’s different than it was. Different from the last five years. Different from the years before that. The world’s changing. We’ve changed. Again.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, “And it hurts. And it’s hard. But that doesn’t mean it’s all bad.”

Nat sighs, “Maybe. Get me a drink?”

Happy and Morgan come around the corner while Steve’s gone and Morgan clings to the hem of Nat’s dress, “Auntie Nat?”

Nat can’t really crouch down so she bends as much as she can without feeling like she’s being hit with a cattle prod, “Yes, my sweet girl?”

“Are you Nate’s Auntie Nat too, or just mine?”

“I’m everybody’s Auntie Nat,” she confirms. For the first time it really hits her that despite being born in 2014 and 2019, Nate and Morgan aren’t very far apart in age at all. Going back to school is going to be crazy for Cooper and Lila. “Promise there’s enough of me to go around.”

“Okay,” she says and she skips off again.

Nat regards Happy once she’s gone, “You’re gonna look after them, right? And Peter?”

Happy nods, “Course. It’s what he’d want.”

“You are a much better friend-employee than I was to him,” Nat says, “Hey, how come he wanted me to box with you that time? Hill never had to do that.”

Happy shrugged, “Curiosity if you would do it? Eccentricity? Testing if you could handle being near a superhero?”

Nat smiles wryly, “Guess I passed that part of the test, huh?”

He smiles back, “Yeah. Guess you did.” He looks away, “I should get the kid something to eat. Thanks for coming, Agent Romanoff.”

“You can just call me Natasha,” she says, “I haven’t been an agent for a long time. We fought together once. You saw me in my underwear.”

He blushes, “Right. Natasha.”

Steve’s voice floats up from below them, “Why were you in your underwear?”

“Came dressed for the wrong kind of party,” says Nat, “Didn’t realize I’d be taking out a secure facility.”

Steve grins and hands her drink up to her, “Let me guess, you changed in the taxi, and he was the driver?”

Nat shrugs, “More or less.”

Happy goes to feed Morgan. Nat takes a sip of her drink. It’s mostly rum, just enough Coke to be a mixed drink. She almost chokes on it, “Did you make this?”

Steve laughs, “No, Sam.”

Nat puts her arm around Steve’s waist, “I am going to need you to find me a place to sit now.”

Steve is gentle and discreet about bringing her over to the same exact table they’d sat around weeks ago where Tony had told them the plan would not and could not work.

“Let me know if you need to go,” he says, “Everyone’ll understand.”

“I’m fine,” she says, “For now. This is where I want to be.”

“By the way,” he says, “I gotta go pick up my stuff from the city. Landlord called, the person renting it before is back and uh, real distressed about it. Figure, I’ll just find something else.”

Nat absorbs that news, “You remember that the Compound is gone, right? I know I kind of dodged the question back there, but I was kind of assuming you’d want me to move in with you.”

He shrugs, “Thought crossed my mind. Wasn’t sure you wanted that.”

Nat shakes her head, “Well we can’t stay in Wakanda forever. And not sure if you remember this, but with no Avengers, no – no Tony or S.H.I.E.L.D. – we’re not actually employed at the moment.”

“We’ll figure it out,” says Steve with all the confidence of someone who has always figured things out. “Are you okay here for a minute? I want to help Pepper with some things.”

“Please do that,” Nat says, “Seriously, if I could be helpful, I would be.”

“You’re helping everyone just by being here,” is what he says before he goes.

She’s alone with her thoughts for exactly twelve seconds before Sam and Bucky sit down. Nat groans, “What do you two want?”

“Nothin’,” says Bucky, “Look, not sure if you’ve thought about this, but it’s kind of awkward I’m here. I respect the guy, really, but he did hate me.”

“Mmm,” Nat hums, “For him that was a long time ago.”

“Time does not heal all wounds,” says Sam. When she glares at him, he scoffs, “Sorry, the guy murdered Stark’s parents. His mom. If you killed my mama, I’d never forgive you.”

“I’m listening to Sam on this,” says Bucky.

Nat sighs, “So are we having big feelings on this one, or am I just radiating the energy of needing constant supervision?”

“How about a friend?” Sam says in a way that reminds her of when Steve really started to trust her.

“A friend,” she repeats, “Yeah. I think I could use a few of those right now.”

Sam looks around, like he’s checking no one’s going to hear them, “So, like, you and Cap really fell hard in the last five years, huh?”

Nat blinks, “What? Sam, we’ve been… forever. You know that.”

“Not like this,” says Bucky, “I mean, I didn’t see it at first. But the longer we’re back…”

Nat looks away from them, “I can’t believe you’re asking me this at Stark’s funeral. That’s outrageous.”

“It’s what he’d want ,” says Sam, “That was the point, wasn’t it?”

One of them, maybe. Nat’s too tired today to play former-spy. “Fine, Steve and I spent most of the last five years alone, pretending to get bits of a life, but really wallowing together in how much we missed you. Satisfied?”

Sam grins, “I should not be this happy about this.”

“No,” Nat agrees, “You should not.” 

“Gotta say,” says Bucky, “This is not what I pictured for Steve back in ‘42.” He adds quickly, “Not that that’s a bad thing. But I guess, Steve’s always had that type.”

Nat raises an eyebrow, curious to hear what ‘type’ he thinks she is. Sam also looks suddenly nervous about this line of conversation. Bucky says, “Fierce women, who don’t give a damn that he’s got a hero complex – which he’s always had, for the record.”

Nat can’t find fault in that assessment of her, “Yeah well, he wouldn’t be Steve without it.”

“No, he would not,” Sam agrees.

They’re at Tony and Pepper’s until long after dark, sitting around the firepit and swapping Tony stories. It turns out most people don’t know the story of her working as both Tony and Pepper’s assistant, so she shares that one.

Everyone wants a story from Steve. He’s quiet for a little too long. “Tony and I, we had our good times, and we had some really, really bad ones. He always acted like the smartest guy in the room – which drove me nuts – because it was true. And I wish we’d had more time. To really talk. In the last five years, you know, we let the past settle, but I wish we’d really talked it through. But that wasn’t really Tony’s way. Or mine.”

Steve scrubs a hand over his face, “My favorite Tony memory… man, that’s tough. I think maybe the day we baby proofed the house. He called me up, and I was sure Pepper must be having the baby, because he was freaking out. So I drove up here and we spent the whole day babyproofing everything – locks on the doors, baby gates. And Pepper was trying to tell him that the baby wouldn’t be able to hold up its own head, so it was way too soon to do all that. But it was the first time we really worked together in a long time.”

Steve looks down, “He just wanted to be prepared, keep everyone safe. Especially his kid.” He laughs, even if it’s a little watery, “That, or the first fight we had. Cause he had the last laugh at the end – which is just so… Tony .”

Bruce says softly, “I’ve been thinking about that day a lot too. Tony told me that The Hulk saved me, that my accident should have killed me. And I asked what it saved me for, he said we’d find out. I thought he was talking about The Avengers. I mean he was talking about the Avengers, it’s not like he knew what was coming. But The Hulk was the reason I had a shot at bringing everyone else home. Gah, Steve’s right, it is annoying how often he was right.”

Steve decides he wants to drive to New York that night. Nat’s got nothing better to do, so she leans the seat back, turns on the David Bowie album that’s queued up on his phone from the drive up, and ignores the look Steve gives her when she props her feet in the dash.

We can be Heroes

Just for one day

We can be Heroes

We're nothing, and nothing will help us

Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay

But we could be safer, just for one day

She wakes up feeling like she’s almost home. Which is ridiculous, because she doesn’t have one. But that corner felt familiar, and the car is slowing. She looks out the window, they’re not in the city, it’s dark out still. 

The car comes to a stop on the side of the road, and he seems to realize she’s awake, “Hey. Sorry. I realized I couldn’t knock on someone’s door in the middle of the night. And I was driving around, and… I guess I wound up here.”

Nat squints into the dark. The sun’s just starting to rise on the horizon. She sees water reflecting the rays in the distance. She looks up and down the road they’re on. They’re looking down at where the Compound used to be. It’s a muddy lake now. She looks away, “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he says, “Feel like I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

Nat undoes her seatbelt, “Okay.”

She winces as she gets out, and she has to lean on the car for a second. Steve copies her, “What? I didn’t mean we had to get out of the car.”

Nat stands on the edge of the road, looks down at the landscape that’s permanently changed, “Feels kind of fitting, in a way. We saved the world, we lost Tony. It would have been really fucking weird to go back after that.” She wraps her thumb and pointer finger around her wrist, “I think I knew when I threw that watch over the cliff that – that that was the beginning of the end.”

“Careful Romanoff,” Steve says softly, “You talk like that, people are going to start saying you retired.”

“Not yet,” Nat says, “But… Not just yet.”

“Okay,” he says. 

They stand there and watch the sun come up on the new world.

The stairs up to Steve’s apartment – former apartment – feel familiar. Steve knocks even though he has a key – though Nat’s not entirely sure his key isn’t at the bottom of the lake somewhere. 

The woman who answers the door goes pale, “Oh my God, you’re Captain America.”

Steve looks down, embarrassed, “Yeah. I am.”

The woman’s eyes flick to Nat and widen comically, “Oh my God, that’s Black Widow. Captain America and Black Widow are knocking on my door.”

Steve clears his throat gently, “Actually, ma’am, the landlord told me we could pick up our things. If you don’t mind.”

“Your –” the woman looks between them and a stack of boxes next to the door, “Oh my God!”

She lets them in, and Nat – by virtue of being unable to lift anything – makes small talk while Steve makes a few trips down to the car. The woman’s name is Miranda, she’s 35, and she works on Wall Street. Nat reaches into one of the boxes and pulls out Steve’s sketchbook. The one Steve gave to her is gone, lost with everything else. 

She sees a sketch of herself anyways, mid-fight, facing some enemy she’s forgotten with Clint at her side. Another of her and Sam sitting and talking on some late night she also can’t distinctly remember. She closes it and holds the book to her chest. There will be more sketches. There will be late nights laughing with Sam again.

He comes back for the last box, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Nat says, still holding the sketch book. “I am.

As they walk down the stairs, Nat says, “Bruce will call when things are ready. Why don’t you call Bucky and Sam and tell them we’re going to Iowa.”

Steve asks, “And what? We’ll live in Clint’s attic?”

“I don’t know,” says Nat, “But it feels like a good place to find out, doesn’t it?”

He thinks about it until they get to the car. “Yeah. You’re on Romanoff. Iowa.”

Chapter Text

Nat doesn’t figure herself out in Iowa. She works every day at getting a little stronger. Sometimes a little too hard, which is usually followed by a few days where she pays for it. But progress is made. She calls her sister and they have a long conversation on the phone where they both swear they’re not crying. Steve throws himself into helping Clint fix the place up after five years of inoccupancy. 

“Auntie Nat,” Nathaniel holds out two things to her. One is her phone. The other’s a half-drank juice box. 

She accepts both, “Thanks Nate. Hello?”

“Hey, Nat.”

Nat’s throat feels too tight and she takes a sip of leftover juice box. “It’s ready?”

“Yeah,” he says, “Whenever you are.”

“Tomorrow,” she says. And that’s a bit of a lie, because there’s no chance she’s ready. “Are you all going to be there?”

“Sure,” says Bruce, “Should I tell them to suit up?”

Nat shakes her head, even though he can’t see her. After a too-long moment she remembers she needs to answer, “No. no I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“Alright,” says Bruce, “See you tomorrow then, Widow.”

Nat stands up. Lila looks up from where she’s eating a sandwich at the kitchen table, “Where are you going, Aunt Nat?”

“Just a short trip,” she says, “Avengers stuff.”

Lila frowns, “Is Dad going?”

“Oh no,” Nat says quickly, “Dad’s not invited.”

“What about Steve ?” And oh god, Nat keeps forgetting that Clint’s daughter is a teenager, last time she’d seen Lila, she’d been eleven, two years before The Blip. Nat hates that term. Apt for the lost, the missing, who blinked and five years passed. It felt like a slap in the face to the survivors who lived those five years one day at a time.

Nat takes Lila by the shoulders and whispers conspiratorially, “Steve has to come, he doesn’t know what to do without me.”

Clint and Steve are just coming in the back door. “That’s true. Where are we going?”

“Bruce called,” Nat says softly, “Told him we’d be there tomorrow.”

Steve nods, “Alright then. Clint, looks like we’re needed, sorry –”

“Oh go on,” Clint says, “Don’t worry about me. I’m good right here.” He puts an arm around his daughter and kisses the top of her head. “Auntie Nat and Cap can come back though, right? They were fun to have here?”

Lila nods with a little smile, and Nathaniel cheers enthusiastically. Nat scoops up her namesake, careful not to actually pick up his weight, “Hey, you know what I’d love when I get back? A picture. Do you know anyone who could draw me a picture?”

“I’m a good drawer,” he offers.

“Really? Wow, that’s a crazy coincidence,” Nat says, releasing him.

Clint asks quietly, “When will you be back?”

Nat looks at Steve, “Well, really we’re only going to be gone for ten seconds. So about the amount of time it takes to drive to New York and back. Might stay up there for a day or two just so the guys don’t feel used.”

“Well, you know Laura and I will leave the porch light on,” says Clint, “Better go pack.”

Steve starts packing, and Nat says softly, “Are you still on board with the plan, Steve?”

He nods, “Yeah. It’s… it needs to be done. We’re the best ones to do it.”

Nat turns around, gives him a long look, “Steve. If this mission is going to backslide our whole thing we’ve been building, we’re not going.”

That makes him stop, “Shit. Nat. Sorry. I trust you, and I trust the plan. I’m just… there’s a lot of ways to screw this up. And once we do this… that’s it. No more Stones.”

“That’s the point,” says Nat, “I hate saying it… but even if we hadn’t created 6 alternate realities, Thanos is right. The only purpose the Stones serve is temptation. Individually, and definitely all in one place.”

Steve goes to zip his bag and she stops him, “Wait, you’re forgetting –” 

It’s stupid. 

First, Natasha still can’t lift more than fifteen pounds, which this is definitely more than. 

Second, the best way to fuck her back up for a week is to reach down and grab something that will not move when she tries to pick it up.

Third, she’s holding Mjolnir.

She and Steve stare down at her hand. Nat feels a thrum of power go through her whole body, “Oh my fucking shit.”

Steve’s eyes are comically wide, “Natasha.”

She feels like she could spit lightning – which, actually, she probably can. She drops the hammer, “That didn’t happen.”

“That happened,” he says, picking up the hammer and putting it in his bag, “‘If she be worthy, she shall possess the powers of Thor.’”

“Do not tell Thor,” orders Nat sharply, “Don’t tell anyone .”

He frowns, “What? Nat, what’s the – okay I don’t want to say ‘what’s the big deal’ – but why wouldn’t you want people to know?”

“You didn’t,” says Nat, “You’ve been able to the whole time.”

Steve shrugs, “Okay, fair enough.”

Nat zips her own bag and lets him carry it. She stops to say goodbye to Clint, who promises to pass on their gratitude to Laura when she gets home. 

Nat drives the first leg. “I’ve been thinking. We should move out of Clint’s. Get something… for us.”

Steve’s head lolls in her direction, “What, like a house?”

“Sure.”

“You know you need a job for that,” he says, “Are you even a citizen?”

“I actually don’t know,” Nat admits, “That can be arranged. Look, I’m glad we saved the world, but isn’t that whole citizenship thing… kind of outdated?” She glances over at him, “Are you a citizen?”

“Hey, I was born in Brooklyn,” he says.

“Yeah 105 years ago,” she says, “We’ve been fugitives in most of the world’s nations since then.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Steve says, “What prompted this? Clint and Laura love having you around, and I know you love being there.”

“Just thinking about it,” Nat says softly, “This is the last thing, you know?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, reaching over and taking her right hand. 

Nat’s not sure who looks more nervous when Steve brings the car to a stop – Bruce, or Sam. They’re both trying not to act like it, which is sweet. 

“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”

Nat sighs, “Bruce, aren’t you the one who’s been all ‘we created a bunch of alternate realities’? We’ve got this.”

Bruce sighs, “Fine. Come on back.”

He’s been building out on some land Pepper’s not using. Nat catches her breath at the sight of the Quantum Tunnel. Sam hears it, “Nat?”

“I’m good,” she says, “Totally good.”

Bruce gets to work. Steve unzips his bag and hefts the hammer in his hands, “Oh, you better enjoy that while you can, lyubimyy . That’s staying on Asgard.”

Steve grins and mimes throwing it like a baseball, “Wanna catch it?”

“Still not a question I need answered,” lies Natasha, “And definitely against doctor’s orders.”

Steve’s smile fades, “Hey, I know you just said so, but are you really sure about this, Nat? I could do this without you.”

“No, you can’t,” she says, stretching her arms above her head. A little zap in her back, but manageable. “There’s going to be way more spying than fighting. And we’re a team.”

“Right,” agrees Sam, even though he’s been blocked from their mission.

Bruce finishes setting up, “You have to return the stones to the exact moment we got them. Or you're gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities.” He opens the case and shows them that all six stones are inside.

Steve nods as he closes the case, “Don't worry, Bruce. Clip all the branches. We got this.” He hands her the case. It’s surprisingly light.”

Sam offers, “You know, if you want, I can come with you guys.”

“You're a good man, Sam,” says Steve, “This one's on us, though.”

Nat lets Steve say goodbye to Bucky while she says goodbye to Sam. “He’s right. We’ve got this. The fewer people out of time the better, I think. I will take a beer when we get back.”

“Got it,” promises Sam.

Nat smirks when Steve tells Bucky, “Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back.”

Bucky shrugs, “How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.” They hug. As they pull away, Bucky ducks his head with a grin, “Begging your pardon, ma’am. He’s the stupid one, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Nat agrees, hugging him as well, then Sam again. She pulls away with a little laugh, “I don’t know why we’re being dramatic. It’s not like you’ll have time to miss us.”

Sam asks, “How long is this gonna take?”

Nat accepts Steve’s hand up onto the platform as Bruce answers, “For them? As long as they need. For us? Five seconds.”

“See,” says Nat, activating her quantum suit. Steve does the same. “You won’t even miss us. Be right back”

Steve shifts the hammer to his other hand and Nat shifts so that he can put an arm around her waist. Bruce asks, “Ready, Cap? Nat? Alright. We'll meet you back here, okay?

Steve nods, “You bet.”

“Going quantum.” announces Bruce, “Three, two, one –”

They talked a lot about how to go about returning the Stones. Nat wants to make Vormir their last stop, Steve’s avoiding 1970. And Nat’s glad they talked it through, because they go first to 2012. 

The Ancient One has a lot of suggestions. Advice on how to get the Stones back where they need to be. Including winding time around the stones to revert them to other forms – Nat had not been able to work out a plan for putting the Aether back on her own and had been contemplating just setting the Reality Stone next to Jane Foster. 

And aside from that, they need the help, since there are currently 3 Captain America’s in 2012 along with an army of Chitauri, which is a lot for any reality.

2012 also ends up being the hardest one, planning wise. Tony and Steve had put in exactly zero thought as far as altering timelines. It requires a lot of stealth to steer things right and put the stones back without splitting the timeline worse.

Nat grabs Steve’s sleeve as they head back towards Midtown. “Whoa, hey, it’s us.”

They watch as Nat’s past self jumps up on a car and then uses Cap’s shield as a springboard. “You’re something, you know that, Romanoff?” Her back hurts just watching the jump. 

“Just hurry,” she says, “Tell me later.”

Their plan involves stealing some clothes, hiding out in Stark Tower until the end of the Battle, and then replacing Stones as they go. 

Nat watches the sky as Tony Stark makes a one way trip with a nuke. “We never gave him enough credit.”

“No, we did not,” agrees Steve.

Things happen quick after that.

“You can’t just say ‘Hail HYDRA’ and walk out of there!”

Steve shrugs, “I did, though.”

“You know you have to undo that, right? There can’t be a two year period where everyone thinks Captain America’s a HYDRA operative,” Nat frowns, “Also, who believed that? They’re idiots.”

He smirks, “What does that make us? Scott’s right, they look like bad guys.”

Nat feels like a kid on fake-Christmas as she watches 2012 Cap and Time Heist Cap duke it out. “You wanna get in there?”

Her Cap shrugs, “No. Not really.”

“ Bucky is alive .”

“Jesus Christ, Steve. No wonder you and Tony fucked this up.”

…

They decide to change the order they return the stones in after that. Mostly because, with the realization that they can both wield Mjolnir, their best chance is to keep it with them as long as possible. 

Nat wins and they do 1970 next, just to get all the Earth-bound stones off the list. Again, Steve and Tony have made things more difficult for them by being terrible liars. And she finds out what in 1970 Steve’s really been dreading.

Nat watches Steve – Time Heist Steve – step into the office of Margaret Carter. Next to her, Steve murmurs, “It doesn’t mean –”

“I know,” she says, and she thinks she does, for once. 

“I love you ,” he says needlessly. “M –”

“Don’t say ‘more’,” she begs, “It’s already enough.”

Steve still looks terribly guilty as Nat puts the Tesseract back. She checks no one’s around, “Look, it’s not like you were going to stay here.”

Steve shrugs, “I might’ve. You know, before.”

Nat slips her hand into his, “Remember Wanda? And Ultron.”

Steve nods, “Sure.”

“She showed you this, right? You and Peggy in your own time?”

“Yeah,” says Steve, “You said it was… what did you say?”

“An old wound,” Nat says, “Look, you know how you thought you ended HYDRA?”

Steve nods, because yeah, that’ was a literally life-altering event. “It’s like that,” Nat says, “Something you thought you got over, and then it really really hurts when it comes back up to the surface.”

“Is it bad if I still… kind of wish I could have it? Or could have had it? What is that?”

“It’s grief,” says Nat gently, “It’s grief for something you once imagined you would have. Something you imagined before you knew a lot of things you know now. Peggy got married. And Bucky’s not dead. And you – you were needed in the world, Steve. I don’t know if I can believe in a higher power, but I know that there is no one but you who I would ever have wanted at my side all these years.”

Steve repeats, “I love you.”

…

From there, they go Morag – by far the easiest so far – set the Power Stone next to Quill, and wake him up before anyone catches up with him.

Nat looks at Steve, “Huh. So, I guess we know where we need to go next.”

“I guess we do,” he says. But neither of them move.

Nat asks, “Are you still… mourning?”

Steve blinks at her, “What? Tony? Yeah, of course.”

Nat shakes her head, “No, I meant… life before. Look, if we go back, and we’re really really careful, I think we could do it. We could pick a time and live out our lives. By the time the world really needs the other versions of us, I’ll probably be dead, and you’ll be ancient.”

Steve lets out a breath that sounds like it hurts, “What you’re suggesting is crazy. We couldn’t.”

“Science says we could,” Nat says, “Pick a time, any time. Not so far back that I’ll be accused of witchcraft for running my mouth, ideally.”

He raises an eyebrow, “You’re tellin’ me that if we ‘picked a time’ neither of us would feel compelled to intervene in all the things we know would go wrong? Isn’t that what you were saying about Peggy and Bucky? I’ll know Buck’s out there.” Steve starts listing events he missed in history, slipping in a few of their personal histories to drive the point home, “President Kennedy, The Cold War – The Red Room – Korean War, Bucky killing Stark’s parents, Vietnam, 9/11 – you’re telling me we wouldn’t tell anyone about that? Stand by and let it happen? We can’t change anything, we can only create alternate realities.”

He reaches out and cups her face in his, “Besides, we promised everyone we’d go back. Buck, Sam, Bruce, Clint…?” He frowns, “Why do I get the feeling it’s you who doesn’t want to go back?”

Nat swallows hard, his hands are keeping her still, but also forcing her to look at him, “You asked if I’d still love you if you weren’t a hero, but you’ve always, always been one. I wasn’t , I’m not going to be one once we go back. I’m not ready to find out what’s left of us – of me – when I stop.”

“Natasha Romanoff,” he breathes, “I will spend every day of the rest of our lifetime proving that you are easy to love, because you are a good and lovable person.” He reaches down and picks up Mjolnir, pressing it into her hands, “And the hammer agrees with me, so I win.”

…

Nat wishes they could talk to Thor. Either Thor, since there are two around here somewhere. They don’t see either – which is good, really – so the temptation goes unrealized. 

She lies in wait as Rocket extracts the Aether from Jane Foster. While the guards run after him, Nat steps out, “Jane.”

She startles, holding the place the Aether was sucked out of her. Nat sighs, “This is awful. But for the greater good.”

“I feel better,” Jane says, “Whatever that thing did to me. Hey. You look… are you from Earth?”

“Yeah,” Nat says, “About that.” And she zaps Jane with her taze bracer. “Sorry.”

Nat does her best to line Jane’s sound from Rocket’s extraction up with the re-entry, no point in doing more damage.

Steve picks Jane up and sets her back on the day bed. Nat stares down at the woman, “That’s awkward.” 

Steve suddenly yelps. Nat sees why. Thor’s hammer, the one from this time, was hanging on the wall by the door. It flies past Steve’s head. The hammer in his hands – the same hammer – jumps wildly. Steve holds tight to it though and after a moment, it settles. Nat holds up her hands, “Give it here.”

Steve passes her the hammer. Nat catches it and hangs it just where this timeline’s Thor left it. 

…

Vormir is last on the list and they’re out of stops. 

They get there a bit early, watch in the shadows and her past self and Clint wrestle with what to do. “Place gives me the creeps.”

“I think it’s supposed to,” says Steve.

Nat watches as the realization of what she needs to give up next passes over her own face. She looks away. She can feel Steve flinch as Clint cuts into her spine. Nat doesn’t remember screaming like that.

“You are foolish,” says Red Skull, “To think anything short of a human life –” He pauses suddenly, “Tell Steve Rogers that you carry the weight of your choices… and your failures.”

The mountain heaves and Past Nat and Clint are taken somewhere else. 

Red Skull laughs, “At last, my punishment is over –”

Nat shoves Steve forward and he gives her an uncertain look. “Well, you can deliver that message yourself?”

Red Skull turns, “Steven, son of Sarah. And… Natalia, daughter of Ivan? You are too late?”

Nat shakes her head, “You know, I don’t think we are. In fact, Steve, don’t you agree that Mr. Schmidt still has work to do here?”

“You know, I would,” agrees Steve. He takes out the Stone, “How do I give this back?”

“You cannot give what is not yours.” Red Skull says. 

Nat plucks the Stone from Steve’s fingers, “I can.”

Red Skull contemplates, like he’s hearing a conversation they can’t. He nods finally, “You understand that this cannot undo what has been done?”

Nat nods, “I figured that for myself when you did the whole ‘everlasting’ spiel the first time. I’m not here because I want something. I’m here so that this is here until it needs to be elsewhere.”

“Even knowing what that means? What that will do to the people you love and care about?”

Nat has to repeat back what Bruce and the Ancient One have both said again and again, “I can only create splits, I cannot change my timeline.”

An altar forms from the mist between her and Red Skull. He looks between them. “Very well. You are resigned to a life of mediocrity. You will never move the same way you once did. The Avengers will never exist again.”

“I know that,” Nat says, “Like you said, I cannot undo what has been done.” She sets the Stone on the altar and it sinks until it is swallowed by the mountain.

The mountain heaves so violently that Nat nearly falls to her death, but Steve catches her. “Let’s go, Nat.”

Red Skull screams after them, “You’ll always be miserable, Steven Rogers! You will always be out of place and out of time.”

…

They land back on the platform. 

“Oh shit!”

Nat grins at Sam, “What did I tell you? Gone for five seconds, right?”

Bucky reaches up to help her down and Nat lets herself be folded in his deadly arm. He spins her gently, “I really was worried for two seconds, that he wasn’t coming back.”

“And leave you?” Steve jumps down and retracts his suit, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Buck.” 

Bruce asks, “How long was that for the two of you?”

Nat looks at Steve, they both shrug. A day? Two? Twenty? They’d hopped around so much that keeping track had gone out the window. 

She says, “I think I was promised a drink?” She slips her hand into Steve’s, “Let’s find somewhere loud. I want to go dancing.”

Chapter Text

Nat kisses Steve lazily as he thrusts into her with long, languid strokes. They’ve both gotten off, they’re just not done enjoying the closeness. It’s Sunday morning and neither of them have anywhere to be. Weekends are like that now. 

During the week, Steve’s working at the same VA in D.C. that Sam had when they’d met and taking night classes to get a degree from this century. Bucky’s living with them and going to near-daily outpatient therapy, but he seems to be adjusting better than Nat ever might’ve hoped.

And it turns out, Nat’s new normal is teaching ballet during the day and freelance security consulting in the evenings. She’s going to therapy herself, so is Steve. Something they probably should’ve done a long time ago. But Sunday mornings are just for them. 

Sun streams in the window and as Steve rolls off of her, Nat admires the way it reflects off his hair. She stretches gingerly, and he asks, “Did that hurt, baby?”

She shakes her head, “No, no. You’re fine, lyubimyy.” She rolls out of bed, “Coffee?”

“You have a problem,” laughs Steve, also getting up. He kisses her before she can get to the bathroom, “Hungry?”

Nat shakes her head, “You know, I could wait on the coffee, if you wanted to join me.”

Steve groans, “Nat, you’re gonna kill me.”

She grins, “Only cause you’re too old for shower sex.” Nat pretends to have an idea, “Should we install those bars in the shower?”

“Very funny,” he says, “Just for that, Buck gets the first cup.”

Nat knows that’s an empty threat, he always gives her the first cup of coffee.

She showers quickly, leaves her hair – entirely back to red, following a long overdue cut – to air dry since they don’t have any plans. She tightens her back brace, something she wears most days now.

When she gets to the kitchen, Steve hands her a cup of coffee. She sits down next to Bucky at the island to watch Steve make breakfast. Bucky is holding Steve’s phone for him so Steve and Sam can talk while he works. 

Nat takes the phone, “Hey, how’re your nephews?”

“Somehow still growing,” Sam says, “Which is crazy after missing five years. Sarah says hello by the way.”

Nat asks, “Think you might have time for a visit? Saturday, two weeks from now?”

“Sure,” says Sam, “Something special going on?”

Nat shrugs, “I was thinking of having a party. Here, you know. You, Rhodey, Pep and Morgan, Clint’s crew. Bruce. Wanda. Scott. Yelena. Bring Sarah and the kids if they’re free.”

“Well count me in,” Sam says, “Speaking of, the kids are getting up, I should help wrangle ‘em.”

Nat, Steve and Bucky all chorus, “Bye!”

Her roommates both give her a look. Steve asks, “Are we invited to this party?”

“You live here, so I’d hope so,” Nat says, “By the way, I want to throw a party.”

Steve sets a plate down in front of her, “Same question as Sam – for what reason? We’re gonna be in Iowa for Christmas next month anyways?”

“If you must know,” Nat says, “I want to have a birthday party. I’ve never had one before.”

Steve’s face doesn’t betray any surprise, and Nat’s starting to think just maybe she’s rubbed off on him after all these years.

Bucky says, “Great, when’s your birthday?”

Steve’s eyebrows raise as he waits to hear her answer. And well, it’s time. “December 3rd.”

Steve just smiles, “Any hint on what you want?”

“Here’s a hint,” Nat says, leaning up over the island to kiss him. Bucky pretends to find them nauseating, but that doesn’t stop him from helping himself to her plate.

Steve says, “I think I can manage that.”

Because Nat’s never had a birthday party before, they do it up right, drinks and food, and everyone wearing little cardboard cone birthday party hats. 

It’s loud, with everyone in the house laughing and chatting and swapping stories, and kids running around.

Nat lets herself out onto their back deck. There’s no snow, but it’s cold enough that her breath hangs misty in the air. The sliding door makes a sound as Steve steps out to join her, “Hey.”

He puts his arms around her waist as they survey the back yard together. Cooper, Lila, and Cassie Lang are watching something on one of their phones. Nate and Morgan are running circles around Sam’s nephews, AJ and Cass, as they all take turns swinging off Bucky’s vibranium arm like monkey bars.

Steve presses a kiss to her jawline, “Good party?”

“Really good,” Nat says, turning in his arms so that her hips are pressed against the railing as she kisses him properly.

“Ew!”

Nat laughs as Morgan and Nate both look horrified. Steve slips a hand comfortably around her waist as Nat calls down, “What? I can’t kiss him.”

“No! ” Morgan’s eyes are filled with betrayal, “That’s gross Auntie Nat!”

Nat grins at Steve, “We’re gross, I guess.”

Pepper comes to the back door, “Everyone come wash up, we’re going to have cake.”

They hang back as all the kids – plus Bucky – file in. 

Steve kisses her again, “Happy birthday, Nat.”

She runs her hand through his hair to even it out a bit, “So I was thinking…”

“Oh God,” says Steve, “That’s either really good or really bad for me.”

Nat rolls her eyes, “Whatever, Rogers.”

She starts to go inside, but he grabs her hand and reels her back to him, “No, no, tell me.”

“Remember that time everyone was trying to kill us?”

He chuckles, “You might have to be a bit more specific, Nat.”

“You and me, on our way to New Jersey.”

He smirks, “When you ‘deflowered’ Captain America, yeah, that was memorable.”

She shakes her head, smiling, because that’s a good memory too, “No, no. Before that. I told you to tell me what you wanted me to be?”

He nods, “Yeah sure, a friend.”

She stares back through the sliding door at the horde of family stuffed into their three bedroom house. “This is better, right?”

“I think so,” he says. “Is that what you’re thinking about?”

She looks back up into his face. The face of the man who loves her. “Actually, I’m thinking that the next time I ask you that question, instead of ‘friend’, you say ‘wife’.”

Steve Rogers chokes a little, “Wife?”

“Yeah,” she says, “Everyone assumes we’re married, we live together, you know my birthday now, let’s just go down to the courthouse with a couple witnesses and make it a matter of public record.”

Steve is staring at her like he’s not sure this isn’t some kind of trick, “I thought we were where we were.”

“We are where we are,” she says, leaning up to kiss him, “I’m keeping my name, though.”

Clint knocks on the glass door, “Hey, birthday girl, the children are going feral if you don’t blow out the candles on this cake in the next two minutes.”

“Be right there,” says Steve.

At the same time Nat shouts, “I’m convincing Steve to propose, hang on.”

A cheer goes up inside the house. Steve looks from it to her, eyes wide, “This is what you want?”

“It’s my birthday,” she reminds him.

That makes him smile, he sinks down onto his knee slowly, “Natalia Alianova Romanoff?”

She smirks up at him, “Yes?”

“Will you please marry me?”

She pretends to think about it, “I dunno…”

“Natasha!”

She laughs, “Yes, I’ll marry you!”

He throws her over his shoulder and she laughs maniacly. Clint hammers on the glass door again, “Hey, we’re happy for you, but if you don’t come in here, Nate’s demolishing this cake, candles or no.”

“Sounds like a dad problem,” says Nat, ducking as Steve carries her inside. He deposits her at the head of the table in front of the cake. 

Pepper lights the candles. “Happy birthday to you…”

Nat isn’t ashamed at all to say she tears up in the face of this many friends and family celebrating her.

She blows out the candles and cuts the cake.

Steve leans down and whispers in her ear, “What did you wish for?”

“I –” Nat stops herself as she sees just how many people who aren’t him are in earshot. She twists up to cup her hand over his ear, “I wished my new brace will be up to the task of being fucked by Captain America.”

He straightens up, “You’re evil, Romanoff.”

She passes him a piece of cake, but won’t let him take it until he kisses her. She ignores the reaction of the others – a bunch of children in super suits – as his lips slide against hers. “Love you, Nat.”

She pulls him back as he starts to pull away, "I love you, Steve Rogers."