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Chapter Text

Javik helped Garrus stumble to the medbay. If he could have walked on his own, Garrus would have disobeyed Shepard’s order and followed her into the beam. Her plans always had him walking into hell right beside her. Why should this time be any different? 

Tears blurred his vision and his armor seared his body. Being hit with an exploding Mako was not a comfortable experience. 

The medbay was in chaos. They must have been in too much of a hurry to remember to tint the windows. Traynor was in the hallway outside instructing those whose lives weren’t in immediate danger to remain out in the mess hall. The metallic stench of blood permeated the space. Javik helped Garrus to lean against the steps to the main battery. 

“Weren’t you two with Shepard?” Traynor asked. 

Garrus’s face said it all. 

Traynor balled her fists. “She’ll make it. We’re all counting on her. I know she’ll make it.” 

Javik shook his head. “We saw that laser hit her. She died an honorable death. A warrior’s death. We should have been there by her side.” 

Garrus desperately wanted to shout at him that he was wrong. He had to be wrong. It didn’t matter what they saw. Shepard was Shepard. She would get the Citadel’s arms open. She would activate the crucible. She would defeat the reapers. And she would come home to him. 

Through the windows of the medbay, Kaidan was visibly using his biotic powers to stabilize a devastating stomach wound on Tali while Dr. Chakwas rushed around him. Garrus wished he hadn’t looked. Now he had to worry about Tali too. 

Liara did some quick rounds through the mess hall. She saw Garrus and Javik. She took one look at them and turned on her omni tool. “You guys need to get out of your armor! Now! It’s still burning you, you idiots!” 

Garrus’s senses were so heightened, it hardly registered that he was naked in front of his shipmates. 

“Get into the medbay, you guys need help now.” Liara was always so bossy when she was in field medic mode. She supported Garrus so he could stumble forward. “Karin!” she yelled, pressing through the medbay door, “these two are burned badly!”  

When Dr. Chakwas saw the two of them, she nodded at Kaidan. He continued caring for Tali, although he was clearly injured himself. Dr. Chakwas rushed over to look at Garrus and Javik. 

“You first,” Dr. Chakwas said, and pushed Garrus down onto a cot. She rushed around, scanned him, poked him with some needles… several alarms were ringing, ignored… a heart monitor flatlined and Dr. Chakwas rushed toward it… someone screamed and Liara tried to comfort them… 

Unconsciousness took over him. His last thought as he drifted into the void was, “Shepard…” 

--- 

Garrus woke up in the still-chaotic medbay. He tried to jump off the cot, but a firm hand stopped him. 

“Relax,” said Kaidan, “you’re on the Normandy, in the medbay. You’re fine, you just passed out.” 

“We have to get back! We have to help Shepard!” 

Kaidan looked at his feet. “Garrus, it’s… we can’t. We made a jump, and then the mass relays were destroyed.” 

Garrus’s eyes widened. “No…” 

Kaidan motioned to Dr. Chakwas.  

“Garrus,” she said, walking toward his cot, “how are you feeling?” 

“I’m…” He tried to answer, but he couldn’t speak. 

Kaidan explained, “He’s devastated, Karin. Javik told me, they saw Shepard…” 

Garrus did not want to hear the rest of Kaidan’s sentence. He knew exactly what Kaidan was going to say, and he was wrong. “Did someone open the Citadel arms?”

Kaidan nodded. “The Reapers are dead. We did it.”

“No one else could have done it,” Garrus said, nodding defiantly. “That means she is okay, reaper laser be damned.”

Dr. Chakwas changed the subject. “The good news is, you and Javik are going to be fine. The bad news is, all of our technology has spontaneously stopped working. I still have the last scans from before we went dark, but Tali’s condition is much harder to surmise without ongoing scans. We can only wait and hope.” 

They could only wait and hope. It was the same for Shepard. They didn’t know anything. 

---

Once Garrus was well enough to leave the medbay, he returned to his usual post at the forward battery. After a few days, the scanners came back online, and they discovered that they were deep in Batarian space. Why here? EDI must have been the one to change the coordinates, but why would she send them here? 

Liara’s theory was that it had something to do with the batarian research into dark energy. Tali and EDI had both been worrying about it since Haestrom, and Liara’s sources said the batarians had the most information on the subject. Fixing EDI seemed to be the key to all of this, and Tali was the only one with the skills to repair her. Sending them here made no sense, so she must know something the rest of them didn’t. 

Garrus ground his talons into his hand in frustration. The only two who might have some idea what was going on were incapacitated. 

He gritted his teeth and went down to the medbay. “Where is Dr. Chakwas?” 

“Finally convinced her to get some shut-eye now that everyone’s injuries are under control,” Kaidan said, sterilizing some equipment. “Not much I can do now, so I’m just cleaning and organizing everything in here.” 

“Is that right?” 

Kaidan put down his steri-tool. “I just feel so useless, trapped down here. There’s nothing I can really do to help.” 

“What are you talking about? You came back to the ship to save Tali. On a broken leg. ” 

They both looked at Tali’s poor, devastated body. Dr. Chakwas had placed her in a medically-induced coma so she could heal. Even with her weak quarian immune system, her infections were under control and she was making good progress. 

“I’m… Garrus, I am so sorry.” 

“For what?” Garrus said, a challenge in his voice, daring him to imply that Shepard didn’t make it. 

Kaidan did not take the hint. “About Shepard,” he said. “I know how much you loved her. And I know how much this must hurt.” 

Garrus growled, his subvocals rumbling like thunder in his chest. “You were always so quick to give up on her.” 

Kaidan’s eyes teared up. He didn’t answer. 

“What, nothing? She deserves better than that!” Garrus was furious. 

“You’re right. I gave up on her on Horizon… I shouldn’t have… maybe if things had been different…” 

Garrus stormed out of the medbay and back to the forward battery. He immediately regretted his choice. It was so full of memories. Ghosts of flirtations and other happy moments that made his knees go weak. He leaned against the weapons bench so he would not crumple to the ground. 

After some time, the door opened. It was Liara. “Garrus… I’m so sorry.” 

“People really need to stop saying that.” He punctuated the word by punching the weapons bench, all the rifle parts clattering with the impact. 

Liara flinched. “I’m sor- I mean…” she gave him a sympathetic look and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

Garrus sighed. It was hard to be angry with Liara around. “Now you’re apologizing for apologizing,” he said, his voice softer than before. 

“Tali will be fine. She’ll fix EDI, and then we’ll head back to earth.” Liara nodded, as if she were trying to convince herself. 

Garrus didn’t answer. 

Liara continued. “You shouldn’t be so hard on Kaidan. At a time like this, we all need to support each other.” 

“Why? He didn’t support her when she needed him.” 

“Garrus, you know better than that. In the moment when it mattered most, he trusted her, even though the evidence was against her.” 

“Sure, the second time around.” 

“Garrus…” 

“He called her one of Cerberus’s abominations to her face. Do you have any idea how hard I tried to convince her that she was completely herself, no matter what Cerberus had done to her? The last thing she needed was her oldest friend second-guessing who she was when she was already doing it herself!” 

“Have you ever told him that you feel this way?” 

“We don’t talk much.” Garrus turned away from her. 

Liara paused for a minute. She touched his arm and gestured for him to turn back to her. “Garrus, I’m so sorry that we’ve been separated from Shepard. But lashing out at Kaidan is counterproductive. We all want to get back to her as soon as possible, and the better we work as a team, the better our chances of making it home.” 

Too furious to respond, Garrus simply glared past her. 

“Are you even angry at him, or are you just angry in general? Because you’re acting like you were when you were chasing Sidonis.” 

That caught Garrus off guard. The last thing he wanted to do was return to Archangel’s pointless vengeance. He hadn’t thought much about why he was so angry; everything with Kaidan was old news, so why was it suddenly so upsetting now? “I think… we fought so hard to defeat the Reapers, and we did it… and now I might never see the woman I love again…” 

She gave him a look of pity. “You’re not really angry, you’re just grieving.” 

“She’s not dead.” She couldn’t be dead. If she was, there was nothing holding him back from becoming Archangel again. 

“I didn’t mean to imply that she is. What I meant is that you’re grieving being separated from her by hundreds of light years.” 

With a deep, calming breath, Garrus said, “You’re right, I know. I’ll apologize. I’m just… this is so hard.” 

“I know.” She placed her hand on his arm. “It’s going to be okay.” 

Closing his eyes, he took a few more deep breaths. He smiled at Liara, silently thanking her, then left the forward battery and walked slowly back to the medbay. 

Kaidan was sitting in silence, watching Tali’s steady breathing. He didn’t acknowledge Garrus’s entrance. 

Garrus wasn’t all that accustomed to apologizing. Twiddling his talons, he mumbled, “So… I’m, uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to… I know everyone’s scared that I can’t handle being separated from Shepard, and I realize that last time I… went a little off the rails.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

“What? You weren’t there, don’t--” 

“No, I’m asking you to tell me about what happened. It’s this huge elephant in the room, everyone’s so scared you’re going to do whatever you did after Shepard got spaced. I know you became a vigilante on Omega, but the details are inconsistent. I’m not one to really listen to hearsay, I’d like to hear it from the horse’s mouth.” 

“Horse?” 

“Sorry, that’s a human expression. It means I’m sick of secondhand whispers, I want a direct answer from the source.” 

Garrus wasn’t used to people confronting him so directly. “I… well, I…” he fumbled. “I was angry at the world. She was gone, and I was lost, and I let my anger take over. I… I did some things I’m not proud of. That she wasn’t proud of.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. 

Kaidan folded his arms. “Are you angry at the world now?” 

Garrus’s mandibles twitched in frustration. 

Kaidan grumbled, “Look, I don’t particularly want to have this conversation either, but I’m the highest ranking Alliance officer here. If there is going to be any issue, it’s my duty to stay ahead of it, you know?” 

Right. According to the official chain of command, since the Normandy was an Alliance vessel, that did mean technically Kaidan was in charge. Garrus may have been bad at following turian traditions, but he wasn’t so terrible that he would disrespect something so sacred as chain of command. “No, there won’t be any issue. I won’t disappoint her again.” 

“Good, good.” Kaidan stood, struggling on his injured leg, and his tone changed completely. “So, I was hoping for your input. EDI changed the coordinates and brought us to Batarian space. Any insights on why she might have brought us here?” 

Best not to think about Shepard. Kaidan was right, getting down to business was the best thing to do now. “EDI and Tali have been concerned about dark energy since we rescued Tali on Haestrom. The batarians had the most extensive research on the subject, and Tali always suspected that may have been part of why the Reapers targeted them first.” 

“But why would EDI do this without telling anyone her plans?” 

“Last time EDI did something without consulting Shepard first, it was when she took control of Dr. Eva’s body. She said that organics’ reaction times were too slow to be helpful. Perhaps this was a similar situation.” 

Kaidan squinted. “You think she found something out about dark energy just before we jumped, and didn’t have time to tell us?” 

“I can’t think why else she would have sent us here,” Garrus answered. 

“Hmm… so, we need fuel anyway, since we’ll have to travel FTL. We might as well see if any of the batarian research is still intact while we’re at it. Hopefully Tali will be up by the time we get there, cuz, I gotta be honest, I don’t like flying blind like this.” 

Garrus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Barely. “No one does.” 

Fortunately, Kaidan was not looking anyway. He was still staring at Tali. “If Shepard were here, she would know exactly what to do.” He sounded like… no… he was crying. 

“Take a break,” Garrus said. “Have you even left her side since you got here?” 

“Not really. Haven’t been able to sleep.” Kaidan’s expression reminded him perfectly of Shepard’s after the fall of Thessia. A pang of fondness rang through him. 

“You’ll sleep when you’re dead, eh?” 

“What?” 

Garrus chuckled. “That’s what Shepard said when I told her to sleep after Thessia. You… look, I get it, I’m ranked pretty high in the turian hierarchy. I know how hard it can be, having these big decisions on your shoulders.” 

“I want to get home as soon as possible. I’m sure you do too,” Kaidan mumbled. 

Garrus had never initiated physical contact with Kaidan before, but there was a first time for everything. “You’re reminding me of her now, and I do not mean that as a compliment.” He put both hands on Kaidan’s shoulders. “Sleep,” he commanded. 

Kaidan wiped tears from his eyes. “Thank you. You are… she was lucky to have you.” He turned around and gave Garrus a hug. Awkwardly, Garrus returned it. 

“You’ll be a good captain,” Garrus said. In a chaotic time like this, the chain of command had to be respected. Garrus wanted to behave in a way that Shepard would be proud of. And she certainly wasn’t proud of his vengeful Archangel persona. 

“Thank you.” Kaidan’s smile was so relieved that Garrus felt guilty for antagonizing him earlier. 

Level-headed and forgiving. That’s what Garrus would be. He would support Kaidan, even if he wasn’t an ideal leader, because unity was the only thing that could keep the ship flying. He would not let his emotions get the better of him again. 

Garrus decided to check in on Joker. He excused himself and headed up to the cockpit. The cockpit was more damaged than the rest of the ship, frayed wires down all over the place. Out the window was a lush, overgrown jungle. 

“Sorry, I was aiming for Mannovai,” said Joker. 

“Why Mannovai?” Garrus asked. 

“I only had a second to react, and I just… that’s where I was thinking about, you know?” Joker answered. 

Garrus gently put his talon on Joker’s shoulder. Of course. That’s where most of the refugees from Tiptree were sent. 

“We should focus on getting EDI back up and running,” Joker said. “We’ll have a much easier time getting the mass effect drive online with her help. Not that Adams, Donnely, and Daniels can’t handle it or anything…” 

“Don’t worry,” Garrus said. “Tali’s one of the galaxy’s top AI experts. If anyone can fix EDI, Tali can.” 

“Thanks, Garrus.” Joker breathed deeply. “Thanks. And, you know, Miranda is still back on Earth, I’m sure whatever condition the Commander is in, it’s gotta be easier to fix than getting spaced.” 

“Thanks, Jeff,” Garrus said. Someone opened up the arms to the Citadel so they could dock the Catalyst. It had to be her. Still, he couldn’t help but worry. It looked like one of those reaper lasers hit her, but he couldn’t believe his own eyes. That had to be some grief-induced nightmare. It couldn’t have really happened. 

Atmospheric data said the planet was a perfect environment for oxygen-breathing life forms, no poisonous gases or anything. Perhaps they were on Mannovai after all; any planet this habitable should have been colonized already. That would certainly make it easier to start repairs. 

With the long-range scanners offline, there was not much they could do but step outside to see if there was anything useful. They opened the airlock and were hit with the hot, humid jungle air and the sounds of hundreds of chattering birds. The view was beautiful, so they sat on the edge of the airlock to talk. 

“It’s a levo planet, so you and Tali are stuck with rations, sorry,” said Joker. 

“We’ll live,” Garrus replied. “Logistically, it’s better this way, since there are so many more of you levo people on board. It shouldn’t be too difficult to make our dextro supplies last since there are only two of us.” 

“C’mon, don’t act like you’re not gonna be jealous when we have some delicious-smelling freshly killed pork roasting over a spit and you just have to eat space paste…” Joker teased. 

“Hey, watch it,” Garrus replied. “I don’t see you hunting big game anytime soon, so you’d best suck up to the best shot on the ship.” 

“Best on the ship, ha! Don’t you mean best shot in the galaxy?” 

“There, that’s what I’m talking about,” Garrus said. He rolled his shoulders back. “Well, I guess us military grunts might as well go scouting, since there’s nothing better for us to do while the engineers get the Normandy back up and running. I’ll organize a roster.” 

“Shouldn’t you maybe rest a little?” Joker asked. “You’re still pretty crispy after that whole getting shot with a giant space laser incident.” 

“I didn’t get shot with the laser, I just got hit by a burning Mako,” Garrus said nonchalantly. 

“Mmhmm, just got hit with a burning tank, uh-huh, Mr. tough guy. I saw you, man, you were deep fried,” Joker said. He changed to a more serious tone. “Hey… are you sure you’re okay?” 

Garrus understood the unspoken meaning behind Joker’s words. “I’m better off doing something than sitting around,” he answered. 

“Okay, just… don’t go all Archangel on us again. It scared the shit out of me when you were like that.” 

“Unless someone plans on stabbing me in the back again, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Garrus said defensively. 

“No, I mean… when she’s not around… you get…” Joker sighed. “She is okay, you know that, right?” 

“I know,” Garrus said. “EDI is too.” 

“I know,” Joker said. “Thanks.” 

Garrus looked out the window and considered the thick jungle outside. Their rations would last, for a time, but it was best to be careful. They should gather as much food as they could while they waited for the engineers to get the engines back online. Yes, he should stay focused on anything, absolutely anything, except for the hole in his heart that threatened to tear him in two, the terror of seeing Shepard hit by that laser, the certainty that Javik and Kaidan both seemed to have that she was gone, the part of him that couldn’t help but wonder if they were right-- 

“Um…” Oh, thank the spirits for Joker interrupting his thoughts. 

“What is it, Joker?” 

“So… technically… Major Alenko is our ranking officer.” 

“That’s true,” Garrus answered. Where was Joker going with this? 

“We’re pretty far from Alliance space. It would be okay if we, like…” Joker trailed off. “Ah, fuck it. I’m just gonna say it. I haven’t forgotten that the Major pulled a gun on Shepard not too long ago. He almost killed her to protect that Cerberus traitor Udina.” Vitriol dripped from his voice. 

Garrus’s blood boiled at the memory; he didn’t need to be reminded. He was so tempted to say, We don’t have to like it, we just have to live with it. But that wouldn’t look good. He disgusted himself, reaching for a generic platitude instead. “We have to show solidarity if we’re going to make it out of this alive.” 

“I see you’ve shoved the stick back up your ass, then.” 

“If a stick up the ass means doing what it takes to get us back home, then I’ll wear it as a badge of honor,” Garrus replied. 

Joker grumbled softly. “Oh, by the way, you might want to talk to those two knuckleheads down in engineering. They’re terrified that Alenko’s going to space ‘em for being ex-Cerberus.” 

Garrus said, “Thank you for letting me know, Jeff.” 

Joker grumbled again. Garrus patted his shoulder in gratitude. 

Heading down to engineering, Garrus could see that the whole ship was a wreck. With only 15 crewmembers aboard, and 2 of them currently out of commission, it was going to be all hands on deck to get the Normandy back in working order. As his feet clanked down the catwalk to the mass effect drive, he could see that the engineering department would be hardest at work, the smell of burning wires hitting his nose before the door even opened. Once the door slid open, the sight before him was a disaster, panels out and melted pieces of the engine scattered around the floor. 

Conveniently, the ‘two knuckleheads,’ Daniels and Donnelly, were the only ones in the engine room at the moment. 

“Garrus,” Donnelly exclaimed, “thanks for visiting! We really got the place tidied up, didn’t we?” 

They exchanged pleasantries for a bit. They reminisced about their days fighting the Collectors, and how peaceful the galaxy seemed back then. A galaxy that could ignore the Reapers seemed like a world away. 

Eventually, there was a pause in the conversation. Daniels looked around, as if checking to see if anyone was listening. She leaned in close to Garrus and said softly, “Hey, look, with us being ex-Cerberus and all…” 

Garrus nodded at her to continue. 

“Well, the Major’s got a reputation for really hating Cerberus, and… He’s been friendly and all, but… well, you understand, you worked with us when we were Cerberus…” 

Donnelly interrupted. “We’re just… it’s hard, serving under someone who isn’t Shepard, that’s all.” 

The mere mention of Shepard’s absence almost made Garrus choke on his own tongue. He closed his eyes for a moment, returning himself to the conversation at hand. “Don’t listen to things like reputation; get to know him yourselves. It is hard, serving under someone new. I don’t think anyone in the galaxy could live up to the precedent Shepard set; that’s the downside of working with the best.” 

Donnelly nodded enthusiastically. “Well, if you trust him, that’s good enough for me.” 

Daniels still looked a little dubious, but she said, “Me too.” She looked like there was something more she wanted to ask, but decided against it, and returned to organizing the rubble.

Chapter Text

It took them nearly a month to finally get the Normandy back up and running. With a skeleton crew of only fifteen, it was all hands on deck. 

The medical specialists, Dr. Chakwas, Kaidan, and Liara, had their hands full. Nearly everyone on board was still injured from the battle, and the hazardous nature of their situation meant new injuries every day. 

The communications specialists, Traynor, Joker, and Liara again, focused their attention both on trying to establish contact with the Alliance and on getting the scanners online so they could learn more about their current location. 

The engineers, Adams, Daniels, Donnelly, and Cortez worked on the drive core. They also tried to fix EDI, but Tali was getting stronger every day and eventually Kaidan told them to focus their energy exclusively on the drive core, and let Tali take care of the AI when she woke up; Joker had some choice words about that order. Garrus was almost worried that Joker might break his hand trying to punch Kaidan. It wasn’t easy to talk him down. 

As they worked, it became clear that the first thing they would have to do is find more eezo. They could patch something together temporarily, but they would not get far unless they could find some. Traynor was able to get the scanners working and found a large concentration of eezo in a nearby system, as well as fuel. 

The combat specialists, Garrus, Javik, Campbell, and Westmoreland were relegated to restoring provisions. With only two dextro-people on board, they calculated that they could make the supplies last nearly a year. Feeding the levo-people would prove more of a challenge: with thirteen of them, rations would only last about two months. Somehow, they would have to learn to live off the land. 

Privates Campbell and Westmoreland cleared a path through the thick jungle while Garrus and Javik followed with their prize. One of their hunting expeditions had finally gone well: Javik shot a pig. 

When they got back to the Normandy, Javik took charge of butchering the animal, since he was the only one who knew how. “Protheans often had to forage, as we did not have the luxury of ‘supply lines’ as you do in this cycle,” he explained when Campbell expressed surprise. 

In the meantime, Garrus quickly attempted to throw together a spit to roast it, and Campbell and Westmoreland gathered firewood. Joker sat at the edge of the airlock and watched them, correcting their technique based on instructions he found in their databases. “No, don’t secure it there, the horizontal one is the spit, it needs to be able to rotate a full 360. Uhh, guys, this says you have to dry the firewood, or it won’t burn.” 

Once they got the pig on the spit, the aroma drew the entire crew out. One by one, Adams, Daniels, Donnelly, Cortez, Traynor, Liara, Dr. Chakwas, and Kaidan joined them by the fire. Garrus looked out at the faces: ten humans, one asari, one Prothean. A quarian and an AI who couldn’t yet join them. These fourteen people might be the only friendly faces he would see for years to come. 

People had mostly given up trying to be friendly with Javik, but Adams gave it a shot nonetheless. “Thank you for the meal, this smells delicious.” 

“I ate the liver raw,” Javik responded, and Adams failed to hide his disgust as he backed away. 

Sometimes Garrus thought Javik was actively trying to make people dislike him. 

Unfortunately for Garrus, he was stuck with dextro rations, but at least the others seemed to enjoy the delicious-smelling meal. The atmosphere was festive and upbeat; their first successful hunt meant they might survive after all. Cortez and Traynor valiantly tried to keep the mood light, even starting a dance circle after the food was done. Their efforts were not in vain, pulling Westmoreland, Campbell, Daniels and Donnelly in at least, and the sound of the six of them laughing and dancing gave everyone a little light in the darkness. 

A part of Garrus wanted to join in, but his sense of loss was still too raw. He thought back to the last time the crew danced together. Tali, a truly excellent dancer, had sarcastically praised Shepard’s lumbering dance moves as ‘unique.’ He missed them both so much. 

“Yeah, Private Westmoreland’s got the moves!” Cortez cheered as she entered the circle and showed off a dance move that looked like one you’d see in a gentlemen’s club. 

“Call me Bethany!” 

“Aye, aye, Bethany!” 

“Sarah, your turn!” Westmoreland dragged her friend to the center of the circle. 

Campbell’s dancing was a lot less confident. “I’m sorry, I’m awful at this.” 

“Oh, please,” Traynor said, “you’re a professional compared to Shepard.” 

Everyone had a good laugh at that, and Campbell grew a little bolder. Another pang of loss struck Garrus like lightning, and he hid his face from the crowd. Only Javik seemed to notice; Get out of my head, stupid empath. 

“Gabby, let’s see how you fare,” said Donnelly, shoving Daniels into the hot seat. Daniels tried to protest, but everyone groaned with disappointment. With resignation, she began to dance, and it was obvious she had some formal dance training. 

She finished, and said to Donnelly with a smirk, “Your turn, Ken.” 

“Not fair! How am I supposed to compete with that?” Donnelly whined. 

Cortez nudged him. “Come on now, can’t let the ladies show us up here.” 

“Right,” Donnelly said. He danced like a glam rocker, complete with an air guitar. 

As the evening wound down, Dr. Chakwas decided to pull out her precious bottle of Serrice Ice brandy from the medbay for everyone to share. She poured the blue beverage into their glasses, explaining that the bottle had been a gift from Shepard. “It’s really quite momentous that we’re celebrating on this day. You see, when the Normandy SR-1 was destroyed, I lost a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy that I had been saving for a special occasion. After Cerberus resurrected Shepard, she bought me a replacement bottle on Omega, and the two of us shared it in the medbay.” She swallowed heavily, tears clinging to her eyelashes. “We promised each other that we would do the same every year. That was one year ago today.” She raised her glass. “To Shepard!”  

Garrus gave Dr. Chakwas a mournful look, and she returned it with one that said, This could be our only chance. He raised his glass just as she had, and said, “To Shepard!” 

Everyone repeated together, “To Shepard!” They raised their glasses, and they all drank. The strong, smooth liquor burned slightly. 

Amidst the good-natured chatter, Garrus heard Kaidan say softly to Cortez and Traynor, “Thanks for cheering up the lower decks.” 

“It was our pleasure,” Traynor responded cheerfully. Cortez nodded in agreement. 

Garrus tried his best to enjoy the moment, but the alcohol wasn’t helping, only widening the hole in his heart where Shepard had been torn away from him. There was a desperation behind the cheery atmosphere. Everyone knew this could be their last happy day together. The last drink. The last dance. The last laugh. 

---

The next morning, they packed up and prepared to face whatever the eezo deposit might have in store for them. 

Garrus and Javik stood face to face at a weapons bench in the cargo hold cleaning their rifles. “Well, we’re about to be very busy,” Garrus said. 

“Then you suspect, as I do, that with the fall of the Batarian Hegemony these resources will be swarming with pirate scum?” 

“Target practice,” Garrus smiled. 

Javik tried to smile too. He was getting better at it, but still needed some work; that was too many teeth. 

Choosing not to comment, Garrus continued, “The batarians already have a reputation as slavers and mercenaries, so we’ll have to watch our six.” 

“I know.” Javik blinked slowly. “The batarians are not aware, but they are holdovers from the previous cycle. They were subjects of the Prothean empire.” 

“You used them as a slave race?” 

“Yes. We held them in the same regard as the people of this cycle hold their livestock. We subjugated them by creating a complex caste system called the bhalant’kari, which very effectively kept them in check. Humans used a similar system on each other, and they called theirs apartheid; turians did as well, and called theirs ordogradis.” 

Garrus was taken aback. “The ordogradis policy is considered one of the most shameful chapters in turian history. It is pure foolishness to assign rank based on membership to a certain clan; a meritocracy is a far more effective system for advancing society.” 

“The goal was not to advance batarian society, but to keep it stagnant. Evidently, we were successful, as the Reapers spared them when our cycle ended.” 

“Incredible… to think that a 50,000 year old policy is still being practiced today.” Realizing that he had stopped cleaning his gun to stare slack-mandibled at Javik, Garrus returned to the task at hand. “Batarians have accused the Citadel council of oppression because slavery is illegal in Citadel space. They consider slavery such an integral part of their caste system that they feel they cannot function without it.” He almost felt pity for them. 

“Perhaps we should not have overlooked the batarians as a potential contingency plan. They have carried on our traditions far more faithfully than the asari.” Javik chuckled darkly. Seeing Garrus’s face, he waved his hand. “Relax, turian. As I told your Shepard, the fact that there are many different cultures with different fighting styles that the Reapers must adjust to is part of what gave this cycle a chance where my cycle had none.” 

“You think your people were right to choose the asari as their contingency plan?”  

“I do,” Javik said with noticeable fondness in his voice. “The asari did not do what we would have expected of them, but they achieved what we could not. Speaking as the last Prothean, I can say the students surpassed their teachers; they are the ones who survived, after all, while the Prothean and batarian civilizations lie in ruins.” 

With effort, Garrus managed to keep his mandibles from curling into a smile. He could not help but wonder whether Javik’s impressions were somewhat biased toward the only asari he had met so far: Liara. The two of them had agreed to write a book together about the Protheans, if they made it out of this alive. That would be an interesting read, if they ever got the chance. 

The elevator hissed open, and Kaidan stepped into the cargo hold. “Gentlemen,” he nodded towards their collection of rifles spread out on the bench, “I can see I don’t need to brief you on what we might be facing when we arrive at the eezo deposit.” 

“Have we gotten anything more specific?” Garrus asked. 

“No new info yet. The minute I hear something, I’ll let you know,” Kaidan answered. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to tear Liara away from her consoles. We’re going to need all hands on deck for this mission, especially since the four of us are the only ground troops on board.” 

“Four against who knows how many pirates,” Garrus said grimly. “What could possibly go wrong?” 

Kaidan gave a forced smile. “Hey, Shepard sent us into worse odds than this all the time. We’ve been killing Reapers, Garrus. Compared to that, a bunch of mercs is child’s play.” 

As much as Garrus appreciated the attempt at a pep talk, he and Javik did not really need it. Liara might though, and he wasn’t sure if Kaidan’s attempts were going to cut it. 

Garrus knew Kaidan was anxious about being in charge, and he wasn’t so petty as to simply watch him crash and burn. Putting down his weapon, he led Kaidan out of Javik’s earshot. “I know Liara has been… intense since she took over as the Shadow Broker. If you need a minute before you go talk to her, take it.” 

“Liara’s fine, I’m the one who’s…” Kaidan ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not convinced I’m even making the right call, asking her to back us up as another gun, when she’s got such important things going on.” 

“You are. She thinks more clearly when she takes a step back from it anyway. Think of it like you’re doing her a favor.” 

Kaidan avoided Garrus’s eyes. 

“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” Garrus asked, as gently as he could. 

“I hate replacing her.” 

Garrus laughed, hoping it didn’t sound as forced as it felt, and clapped Kaidan on the arm. “There’s no replacing Shepard, she’s irreplaceable. That’s not your job. Your job is to get us home to her.” Please get us home to her. 

Kaidan smiled sadly. “You’re really sure she’s alive.” 

“I am.” 

Avoiding Garrus’s gaze again, he said, “We both saw her get hit by that laser, and yet--” 

“I can’t explain how I know, I just do. Call it lover’s intuition.” Or willful denial, he couldn’t help thinking. No, don’t think that. Not helpful. 

“I wish I had your confidence. Not just in that, I mean, in general, I wish… I admire how confident you are.” 

“Confidence isn’t everything.” Garrus took a moment of silence in respect for his team on Omega. “I was overconfident, and my men paid the price for that. I’ll never forget.” 

Kaidan watched him, perhaps thinking of ghosts of his own. “Right, then. I’ll go talk to Liara. Garrus, thank you. I can see why Shepard relied on you so much as her second in command.” He walked back toward the elevator, acknowledging Javik with a quick nod on his way out. 

Garrus wondered about Kaidan. Had he ever lost someone under his command before? Would he be able to handle it if he did? After losing Ashley, Mordin, Thane, Legion, and Anderson in the fight against the Reapers, it wouldn’t feel right to lose someone else now that the Reapers were defeated. 

Sensing that Javik was eyeing him, Garrus reluctantly returned to the weapons bench. Whatever this was about, he wanted to get it over with. “Do you have something to say?” 

“Yes. This new commander, Major Alenko. His doubt is as palpable as metal on my tongue. His hesitation could be our downfall.” 

Garrus simply raised a brow plate. 

“We should mutiny.”

“What?” 

“Your pilot agrees with me, as do the two stupid engineers.” 

“I’m sorry, but please clarify: you suggested mutiny to Joker, Daniels, and Donnelly, and they said ‘yes?’” 

“I said nothing. Their contempt for Alenko tinges the air.” 

“No one is mutinying!” Garrus sighed. Javik’s combination of empathic ability with zero understanding of social norms was seriously not ideal. “I feel like I might be missing some cultural context. Just how common was mutiny on Prothean vessels?” 

“Not common, but it was expected that a weak leader would be challenged by a stronger one. I would support your campaign, turian.” 

“Well, let me explain how things work in this cycle: we follow the chain of command. Even when we don’t agree with it. Deviation results in a court martial.” Did Javik even understand what a court martial was? 

“Your cycle has too many rules. I suppose this is the luxury of not fighting for your very lives for 300 years.” 

Garrus remembered having this same argument from the other side of the table back when he first met Shepard. He remembered how patient she had been with him; he would do the same for Javik. “A few years ago, I would have agreed with you. But Shepard taught me the rules are there for a reason. Without them, extremists and strongmen rule. I learned the hard way that vigilante justice accomplishes nothing.” 

“Are you calling me an extremist strongman?” 

“Yes.” 

Javik answered with another creepily toothy grin. “In my cycle, that would have been a compliment.” Garrus did not miss the loneliness in his voice. 

--- 

It would be another two days before they reached the eezo deposit. Kaidan said Liara was ready to join the strike team, but Garrus had hardly seen her since. He decided it would be a good idea to stop in for a visit. 

“Garrus, thank you for stopping by. It is good to see you.” Liara did not even look up from her consoles. Her eyes were sunken in, as if she had been working non-stop for days. 

“What have you been working so hard on?” 

“I am trying to patch together some notes on the Conduit from Ilos. I figure, if we can build something similar, we could make it back to the Citadel much faster than waiting for the mass relays to be repaired, or by traveling FTL. Especially in the regions of space where entire societies were wiped out, we can expect that it will take a long time.” 

“Well, now that the engineers are finished with the drive core, maybe you should ask for some help.” 

“I can’t do that yet. I don’t even have blueprints for them to work from right now.” 

“Javik might be able to help with some technical basics. He has to have some understanding of Prothean technology, even if he is a military grunt.” 

Liara rested her head in her hand, blinking as if to clear a mental fog. She shook her head. “Kaidan has been pestering me to take a ‘sanity check.’ This idea is a long shot. I am not making any progress anyway.” 

“Good idea to take a break from it then. We need your head in this mission anyway; we’re dead in the water without this fuel and eezo.” 

Liara nodded. “Garrus, would you mind keeping this under wraps? You and Kaidan are the only ones who know about this Conduit idea, and right now there’s no guarantee it will work. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up until I know more.” 

Garrus nodded in agreement and offered his arm. “Come on. If Kaidan is worried about your sanity, then it must be bad.” 

She took his arm and allowed herself to be led out, smiling. “I’m glad you two are getting along. I was worried about you when we first landed.” 

“You were right,” Garrus said. “We accomplish nothing by fighting.” 

--- 

Kaidan called the ground team to a meeting in the conference room. They crowded in, standing at attention around the table, the glass walls reflecting their uniforms at them. 

“The scans are in,” Traynor said. “The eezo and fuel are concentrated on an asteroid. The area is swarming with vessels of all types, mostly batarian. I’m a little surprised by the number of bodies they’ve got in there; they’re packed in real tight, they can’t possibly all be mercs. I think there might be some kind of mining operation going on there.” 

“Do you think we can get in and out without detection?” Garrus asked. 

“Unlikely. They’ve got a dreadnought and five cruisers. My guess is a decent chunk of the batarian navy regrouped here after the fall of Kar’shan. We’re not fighting our way out of this one.” 

“So plan A is off the table,” Kaidan said. “Any suggestions, Traynor?” 

The frustration and dread made Garrus blurt out, “We’re outmanned a thousand to one and outgunned even worse. We’ve faced crazy odds before, but nothing like this.”

Kaidan nodded. “Okay, so our only option is diplomacy. What do you think the batarians will want that we can trade?” 

“You’re not seriously considering walking into this situation?” Garrus sputtered. 

“Give me a better option and I’ll take it.” Kaidan answered. “We are out of fuel, and our only mode of travel right now is FTL. We just have to hope these batarians are reasonable.” 

Garrus crossed his arms. Batarians couldn’t be reasoned with; they didn’t operate according to the Citadel’s rules. Then again, maybe there was someone who understood their logic. He turned to face Javik, who responded with a blank stare. 

“From what you’ve seen of modern batarians, just how loyally do you think they’re following the bhalant’kari caste system?” Garrus asked. 

Javik frowned. “I have not had the chance to observe their behavior directly, however, I have picked up numerous impressions of them filtered through Alliance soldiers who fought them in the Skyllian Verge, as well as various civilian encounters with pirates, mercenaries, and slavers. These people exist on the fringes of society and operate on their own rules; therefore I have little to no impression of how things work within the Hegemony proper.” 

“You don’t think they follow the old Prothean rules?” Garrus asked. 

Kaidan waved his hands. “Wait, slow down a minute. Javik, is there something we should all know about the batarians?” 

Garrus looked expectantly at Javik. Javik cast a side-eyed glare towards Kaidan, but deferred to Garrus, nodding curtly and explaining what he knew about how the batarians had lived under the Prothean bhalant’kari rules. 

“I wonder how much of this information is relevant now,” Kaidan mused. 

“Likely none,” Javik said. “In my time, salarians still ate flies.” 

Garrus said, “We know they still use a caste system that incorporates slavery. They obviously still adhere in some respects to the old Prothean rules.” 

Kaidan folded his arms, lost in thought. “So, Garrus, you were around batarians a lot when you were living on Omega. How much of Javik’s information applies to them now, you think?” 

“Hard to say. As Javik mentioned, outsiders really only interact with society’s cast offs. I had a batarian technician on my team, he was a very honest man, very reliable. As individuals, they’re just people, same as anyone else.” 

Kaidan nodded. “Okay. Liara, you’re the anthropologist. Any thoughts on how Javik’s intel might affect their society today?” 

“Unfortunately not. The Hegemony briefly had an embassy on the Citadel, but they withdrew after the Council refused to help the batarians in the Skyllian Verge. They were very secretive, and we learned almost nothing from them. I have never succeeded in establishing reliable contacts within Hegemony-controlled space.” 

“How can they possibly be this secretive?” Kaidan clutched at his head in frustration. “None of the information we have on them is going to help us get that fuel.” 

“Well,” Traynor spoke up tentatively, “we could just… wait? I mean, we have supplies for a few months now. If we cloak nearby we can watch them and see if we can get a better sense of what we’re walking into, and I can try to hack into their communications. If I can’t do it before the Normandy overheats, then we’re back at square one, but at least that gives us some option.” 

“You suggest we sit around doing nothing?” Javik balled his fists. 

Traynor frowned. “No, what I’m suggesting is that we spy on them until we have enough information to work the situation to our advantage despite being massively outnumbered.” 

“And I agree with Traynor,” Kaidan said. “We’re not rushing in there blind.” 

Garrus nodded in agreement. He saw Javik glowering, and made a mental note to speak to Kaidan about getting the Prothean in line. This was their best plan to date, and with such a small team, everyone needed to be on the same page. 

Liara sat up straighter. “There is another advantage to this plan. If we can find a way to contact someone and talk them into becoming an agent of the Shadow Broker, we could use that as a way to gather information about how things run on the asteroid.” 

“Great plan, Liara,” Kaidan said. 

Garrus spoke up too. “We may already have a bargaining chip. Given the number of troops Traynor is seeing on the scans, they’ve got to have a bit of a food problem. And we have the location of a nearby planet with plentiful food sources.” 

Javik shook his head. “Spying and subterfuge. We are reduced to desperate tactics.” 

“That we are,” Kaidan said. “All right, if there’s nothing else, then we should get to work.” 

Garrus waited for the rest of the team to file out of the conference room. He may have had some disagreements with Kaidan’s actions in the past, and he knew a mutiny was unlikely, but they still needed the whole team to be on board with the mission and with the commander. Tapping Kaidan’s shoulder, he said, “Major, if you have a moment, there is something I’d like to discuss with you.” 

“Great,” Kaidan said, “Let’s head down to the starboard observation deck.” Maybe Garrus was making a mistake bringing this up with Kaidan; it wasn’t as if anyone agreed with Javik, and it could only serve to lower his already fragile confidence. On the other hand, if Joker and the engineers genuinely felt ‘contempt’ towards Kaidan, there might be a larger problem here. Besides, a good turian would report talk of mutiny to his commanding officer, even if no one supported it. 

He followed Kaidan to the observation deck and they sat down in the comfy chairs. Kaidan put his hands behind his head and reclined, looking out at the stars. If this was his way of masking his lack of confidence, he was really overdoing it. 

Garrus perched at the edge of his seat. “So… have you spoken to Joker, Daniels, or Donnelly recently?” 

“What about?” 

“Well, it seems… remember when Cerberus attacked the Citadel and you pulled a gun on Shepard?” 

“How could I forget? Udina really had me fooled. Whenever I think about how that could have gone…” Kaidan shivered. 

“Joker is still pretty upset about that.” 

“Oh. I suppose I can talk to him,” Kaidan said. “What about the others?” 

“Daniels and Donnelly are just… they’re ex-Cerberus, and in the past you’ve had a pretty harsh attitude towards anyone associated with Cerberus. They’re… honestly, they’re terrified you’re going to throw them out an airlock.” 

“Garrus, you know I’m not like that.” 

“But they don’t.” 

“Fair point. Okay, I’ll try to get to know them better, show them my friendly side.” Kaidan looked at Garrus’s face. “There’s more, isn’t there?” 

“Javik.” Garrus wasn’t sure how to bring up such a heavy topic. 

“What is Javik’s issue?” 

“Javik’s… in his case, there’s more to it than the others. You know that Protheans can sense emotions, to some extent?” 

“Yes…” 

“Well, he’s able to sense your doubt. And he thinks it makes you weak as a leader. He thinks I should challenge you for command of the Normandy.” 

Pulling his hands from behind his head, Kaidan moved to a more serious posture, sitting upright. “Are you going to?” he asked. He didn’t even sound upset, just… resigned. 

Garrus hadn’t considered the possibility, but with so many doubting Kaidan’s ability to command, maybe they would be better off with Garrus in charge. It would be so easy. But nothing would divide the team more than forcing them to take sides, and that’s exactly what would happen if he took command. Tali would punch him if she woke up to that, and Shepard would be so disappointed in him once they got home. “No,” he finally said. 

Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief. “It wouldn’t surprise me if you did, you know. I haven’t accomplished anything that might help us find our way home.” 

“Javik’s an ass, but he’s right about one thing: your self-doubt puts all of us at risk. You’re our commanding officer, so take some responsibility.” 

“You’re right.” Pausing, Kaidan stood and walked over to the window. “I don’t believe it. We just achieved the greatest victory in galactic history, and instead of celebrating, we’re out here fighting for our lives through batarian pirates, with no way to tell if our loved ones back home are still alive.” Leaning his head on his arm, he said, “I’m exhausted.” 

“Of course you are. You had to take command under the worst possible circumstances, and you’ve hardly sat down the whole time.” He joined Kaidan at the window. He had to say something to raise Kaidan’s spirits. “I had my doubts about you at first, but you’re the one who told me to quit wallowing and focus on problems we can actually solve. I didn’t want to hear it at the time, but it was the right thing to say.” 

“I don’t remember saying that.” 

“Well, not in so many words, but I… all I could think about was Shepard… but you got me focused on our food problem. Something productive.” 

“I wish Shepard were here. She’d know what to do.” Kaidan looked so conflicted. 

“I miss her too,” said Garrus. What else was there to say? 

Chapter Text

The asteroid had many surprises for them. Their surveillance revealed that the majority of the inhabitants were, in fact, civilian refugees. Javik’s information on the bhalant’kari caste system turned out to be more relevant than they would have expected given that it had been 50,000 years; it was still in use. 

Their first order of business was establishing a Shadow Broker agent on the asteroid. Traynor set up a special encrypted channel they could use. Liara chose a former archeologist named Petrahn Danfek who had lost her status and become a beggar when the Reapers invaded. Garrus teased her about her obvious biases, but ended up eating his words a few hours later when they found her research. 

Danfek had discovered that batarians did not rely on Prothean data caches for technological advancement like the other races, but on ancient batarian landfills. The Hegemony was very supportive of this research and had spread it almost like propaganda; nevertheless, her science was sound. Without being able to travel to Kar’shan themselves to verify her work, they could only be so certain, but it was corroborated by Javik’s account, so for now they would assume it was true. 

While Liara juggled the incoming messages, Garrus stood in the doorway of her cabin. His casual lean against the frame felt manufactured, and the gleam in his eye guaranteed he was about to interrupt her peace. “Please, Liara,” Garrus begged, “please let me listen. I’ve always wanted to know how the Shadow Broker operates.” There was only so much he could calibrate the main guns when they weren’t shooting at anything. And doing nothing, his mind wandered to dark places. 

“Fine,” Liara said sternly. “But you have to promise not to make any noises that might clue her in.” 

Garrus put his hands over his mouth theatrically, which earned a pointed glare from Liara. He entered the room to stand next to her, facing her wall of consoles. 

They hacked into Danfek’s omni-tool and Liara put on her voice modulator. “Petrahn Danfek,” she said, “the Shadow Broker requires your services.” 

A clatter came from the speaker, then a panicked voice replied, “Who is this? How do you know my name?” 

Garrus stifled a laugh. 

Ignoring him, Liara pressed on. “The Shadow Broker has an interest in establishing a presence on the asteroid New Cholis. He has chosen you as his agent.” 

“Me? But… why? What is happening?” 

“Your past as an archeologist suits you to the work of a knowledge broker. You will have money and food to eat, and status. It will be a better life than living as a beggar.” 

For a long moment, Danfek didn’t respond. Finally, she said, “Do I have the option to turn down the job?” 

“You won’t,” Liara said, her voice like ice, nothing like the naive girl Garrus met in the Prothean ruins three years ago. 

The silence dragged on long enough that Garrus started to worry, and Liara’s fist began to clench. 

“Okay, fine. How does this work?” 

Liara’s whole body relaxed. “The fact that you are a broker will become known, and clients needing information will come to you. They may trade for eezo, fuel, or other information; credits are worthless. I will let you know if their information is of any value to the Shadow Broker.” 

They could practically hear Danfek deliberating with herself. She didn’t have many options, though, and Liara knew it. “Understood.” 

The second Liara shut off the comm, Garrus said, “Nailed it!” and winked at her. It was fascinating to see her fighting on such a different battlefield than the type he was used to. 

Liara gave a smug little smirk. “So, how was it watching the Shadow Broker in action?” 

“You always told us the truth was boring,” he complained. If he knew broker work was like this, he would have offered to help her out sooner. 

“It usually is. That was an initiation, which is about as exciting as it gets. Now, we slowly but surely gather information. I hope that we can learn more about who is in charge of this station, as we will likely have to negotiate with him.” 

“Slowly but surely? Not an option, Liara. We can only stay cloaked so long before we bake ourselves alive.” 

“Then I suppose we’ll have to quickly and frantically gather our intel.” Liara squinted at her consoles. “We should present our findings to Kaidan.” 

“EDI, where is Major Alenko?” Garrus said, immediately regretting it when he saw the pained pinch that passed over Liara’s face. Right. EDI was still inactive. He would have to find Kaidan the old-fashioned way. “If you need to keep working, I can take care of this.” 

Liara smiled. “I take it you two have worked things out?” 

“We have.” Garrus tapped his talon on his forearm. “Thanks for that, by the way. For nagging me into talking to him.” They would probably never be friends again, but they could trust each other as fellow soldiers. That was what really mattered. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Liara joked, raising an eyebrow. 

“And don’t we all love you for it?” Garrus answered, leaving her quarters. 

He didn’t see Kaidan in the medbay, but he popped his head in anyway. “Dr. Chakwas, have you seen Kaidan?” 

“Yes, he’s in the server room with Cortez. They’re working on EDI again.” 

Garrus was concerned to hear that. Between helping Dr. Chakwas and the engineers, it didn’t seem like Kaidan was sleeping at all if the dark circles under his eyes were any indication. When Garrus got to Tali’s cot, he asked, “How’s she doing?” 

Dr. Chakwas walked up behind him. “Excellent. Another day or two, and she should be waking up.” 

“Thank you,” Garrus said. “For bringing her back.” 

“Of course, Garrus. After all these years, she’s like a daughter to me.” 

Garrus turned around and hugged Dr. Chakwas. After a long moment, he pulled away and collected himself. Tali was family to him, too. “Right, I’ve got some information for the commander.” 

Dr. Chakwas nodded. 

Passing her, he walked to the server room. He opened the door and found Cortez and Kaidan both crouched over a panel. 

Garrus cleared his throat. “Liara has initiated her contact.” 

Kaidan looked up from the panel. “Good, how did it go?” 

Chin held high, Garrus said, “Smoothly. It occurred to us that if we trade information for eezo and fuel as the Shadow Broker, we may never have to reveal ourselves.” 

“That would be excellent. But wasn’t Liara hoping to find out more about the batarians’ dark energy research?” 

“It is unlikely that we’ll find those researchers on this asteroid. But we may find clues to lead us to them.” 

“Hm, good point.” Kaidan leaned against the panel. “Tali should be able to help us out with that too, once she’s up. Oh, have you talked to Dr. Chakwas? She should be up any day now.” 

Garrus nodded. “Just saw her on the way in.” 

“Hm. Right, of course you did. Because you have to pass through the medbay to get to the server room.” Kaidan nodded as if this was a revelation. 

Garrus raised a browplate. “When was the last time you slept?” 

Cortez spoke up. “Too long ago. Forgive the insubordination, but please, Major, please get some sleep. You’re no use to anyone like this.” 

“It’s fine. Everyone is counting on me, and we need EDI,” Kaidan said with a dismissive wave of his hand. 

“It’s not fine. We need you at your sharpest.” Garrus knew it was underhanded to use his height to his advantage, but right now results were what mattered. Kaidan needed rest. Trespassing deep into his personal bubble to tower over him, Garrus said, “What if the batarians detect us? You have to be able to react quickly. And besides, Tali will be up soon. Your tech skills may be impressive, but you are a total novice at AI compared to her. EDI can wait another day or two.” 

Cortez nodded his approval. 

Kaidan awkwardly patted Garrus’s chest. Evidently invading his personal space did not have the desired effect. “Thanks, guys, I appreciate you trying, but the truth is, I’m too anxious to sleep. I don’t know how much longer I can wait to ask EDI what’s going on here. I just can’t stand it: the answers are right here, and yet we’re completely in the dark.” 

Backing off, Garrus said with resignation, “Driving yourself into the ground isn’t going to make those answers come any faster.” 

“I know, I know,” Kaidan said, rubbing at his eyes. He fidgeted for a bit, then planted his hands on his hips. “Fine. I can’t promise I’ll sleep, but I promise I’ll try.” 

Garrus excused himself from the server room so he could head to the cockpit to tell Joker the news about Tali. On the walk up, he noticed that the live wires were all out of the way, and most of the access panels were closed up. The elevator wasn’t making that horrifying noise anymore. The galaxy map was still blinking on and off, but that wasn’t much use to them now anyway. All in all, the ship was looking almost normal again. 

“Joker, I have some good news from Dr. Chakwas.” 

Joker spun his chair around and threw his arms up, exclaiming, “Tali!” 

“Another day or two, and she’ll be up.” 

“That’s awesome,” said Joker. “You wanna know something? The weirdest thing happened. Major Alenko showed up and apologized for that whole debacle with Udina. Completely out of the blue. I wonder what could have possibly prompted that. Weird, huh?” Joker gave him an angsty side-eyed glance. 

“I’m sensing sarcasm,” Garrus said flatly. 

“Man, I thought you were past all that turian stick-up-the-ass protocol-must-be-followed bullshit. Why’d you have to go snitching on me? I thought we were cool.” 

Ah, that’s right. Humans had that odd ‘stitches get snitches’ culture. Garrus’s understanding of ‘snitching’ was that it was an act of revealing a misdemeanor, and Joker had committed none. “I’ve always disagreed with certain aspects of turian culture, but that doesn’t mean I fully comprehend all aspects of human culture, Joker, despite all my years serving with a human crew. I’m not sure I understand why you would be upset that I asked Alenko to apologize to you.” 

Joker spun his chair around so he was facing away from Garrus. “Right. You’d think spending all my time with EDI and her blabbermouth would teach me to keep things to myself, but I guess I’m just an idiot.” Lightly punching his console, he yelled, “Ah! Everything about this situation sucks balls!” 

“I’m sorry, Joker.” 

“Nah, don’t worry about it. You didn’t make the rules, you just for some reason decided to enforce them, even though that’s totally out of character for you.” 

“I meant I’m sorry about EDI. I know you miss her. That’s why I wanted to tell you about Tali, because it means we’ll be seeing her again soon.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Joker grumbled. And then: “I’m sorry about Shepard.” 

Garrus didn’t say anything else. Joker might be the only one who truly understood how he felt, wondering if EDI could really be repaired. Would Shepard be okay after what happened to her? Miranda Lawson was still on Earth, so maybe she would be able to Lazarus Shepard back to life again. Assuming she died, which she didn’t. She definitely didn’t. A direct hit from a Reaper’s laser couldn’t be any worse than getting spaced, could it? Miranda brought her back from that, so as long as Miranda was around, Shepard would be okay. Right?

Only silence answered his anxious thoughts. 

--- 

Pacing around the mess hall, Garrus waited for Tali to wake up. Dr. Chakwas had kicked him out of the medbay for hovering. For what felt like forever, he stared blankly at the tinted windows of the medbay. It must have been hours, because crewmembers started to arrive to prepare dinner. Having no designated cook on board, they rotated kitchen duties. 

“Garrus, what are you doing here?” asked Daniels. 

“Oh, twiddling my thumbs, as always,” he answered. 

Donnelly chuckled. “Must be hard on you combat types, just aimlessly drifting here cloaked. Say, I wonder how long we’ll be hanging about like this?.” 

“Ken!” Daniels elbowed Donnelly. Hard. 

As one of the senior officers, Garrus had a responsibility to keep the crew’s morale up. “We’re not drifting aimlessly. We’re gathering intelligence.” 

Donnelly frowned. “Don’t try to placate me, Vakarian. I know the Major’s looking for a solution, but it’s obvious, we’re backed into a corner with no real options.” 

“You’ve spoken to him, then?” 

“Major Alenko?” Donnelly shrugged. “Yeah, we’ve been coordinating work on EDI, so I suppose we’ve gotten to know him.” 

“I sure hope EDI has a way to get us out of this mess, because I don’t much like being surrounded by batarians with no fuel,” said Daniels. 

Shadow Broker business had to be kept on a need-to-know basis. How could he reassure the engineers without revealing their true plans? He decided to simply offer whatever non-classified information he could. “Traynor is making progress toward reestablishing long-range communications. Tali should be waking up today, and she’ll be able to repair EDI. Granted, we are waiting, and I hate waiting around, but it’s not aimless. There is a concrete goal in mind.” 

With suspicion in her eyes, Daniels squinted at him. “Sure, Vakarian. Whatever you say.” 

The two of them excused themselves to get started on their mess hall duties. He listened to Daniels and Donnelly working in the mess and bickering for a few more minutes, before Dr. Chakwas finally called him in. He bounded out of his seat and darted into the medbay. 

“Tali!” he exclaimed. “How are you?” 

Tali shook her head. “Uuuugh, I feel like I got hit by a truck.” 

“Nope, you only got shot,” Garrus said. “I got hit by a truck though. Well, technically, a Mako. A Mako that was on fire.” He grinned. This ought to give him a few points in their one-uppance competition. 

Through her mask, it was impossible to tell what Tali’s expression looked like. She shook her head slowly. “Oh, Garrus. That’s very impressive, but it adds nothing to your tally.” 

Spirits, he missed her. His mandibles fluttered with joy at having her back. “Will I hurt you if I give you a hug?” 

She put her arms out. “Get over here, you big bosh’tet.” 

Of all the strange human customs they had picked up serving on the Normandy, hugs were Garrus’s favorite. Relief at having his best friend back crashed like a wave into the ocean of loss he felt without Shepard, and he broke down. His body shook with sadness, and he was overcome with emotion. “Tali,” he struggled through ragged breaths, “Shepard was hit. The Reaper’s laser, I saw it hit her, everyone saw it. But she has to be okay, she just has to!” 

“Shh, shh, she is okay. She is Shepard. She’s been spaced and still came back to us. No way any stupid Reaper laser could take her from us.” Tali patted his back gently. 

“I know she’s alive, I don’t know how, but I just… I don’t know when I’ll see her again. What if--” 

“No,” Tali interrupted firmly. “No ‘what ifs.’ That is not allowed. We’ll see her again.” 

Garrus struggled to continue. “I finally told her that I love her.” 

“Well then, she knows. She knows you love her, Garrus.” 

It took some time for Garrus to get his emotions under control. He was a little embarrassed; he wasn’t typically an emotional person. But this was Tali, and anything was okay with her. Tali’s right. No ‘what ifs.’ 

Garrus spent the next hour updating her on everything that had happened since she was injured. He told her about the month they spent hunting pigs on the jungle planet, fixing the scanners, finding the eezo deposit, finding that it was swarming with remnants of the Hegemony’s military. 

“Poor Kaidan.,” Tali shook her head. “Being forced to take command after being stranded with no way of contacting the outside world, and then immediately getting backed into a corner because of circumstances we can’t control. Keelah, I do not envy his position.” 

“It has been rough.” Hearing Tali’s reaction, he felt especially guilty for lashing out at Kaidan under those circumstances. He hadn’t been thinking of anyone’s feelings but his own. ‘Selfish,’ Shepard would say, shaking her head at him, if she knew. “Speaking of Kaidan, I suppose we should wake him and let him know you’re up.” 

“Why?” Tali asked. 

“Well, we were hoping you’d fill us in on your dark energy research. There seems to be something important going on with it.” 

Tali paused for a minute. “Unfortunately, I do not have any new information on that front. I was sent to gather data, but I don’t have the knowledge to interpret it. Xina’Leeta led the team that was analyzing the data I collected on Haestrom. Her research was interrupted by the war with the geth, though, so I doubt she ever had the chance to complete it. If we want any solid research on dark energy, the batarians seem to be the only ones who have invested significant time into investigating the phenomenon. All I really know is that, somehow, dark energy was correlated with the premature decay of Haestrom’s sun.” 

“I see,” Garrus said. “Well, there’s no reason to wake him for yet another dead end. We’ll let him sleep.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” 

“Hopefully EDI knows something useful, otherwise we have nothing.” Garrus’s subvocals rumbled with frustration, so deeply it almost hurt. Tali hugged him again. It was so good to have her back. 

Tali was exhausted, so Garrus left the medbay to let her rest. He made his way up to the cockpit to ‘shoot the breeze’ with Joker. 

“Oh. My. God.” Traynor’s voice suddenly lit up the nearly silent command information center. “Ohmygod, ohmygod,” she yelled, “I found something useful!” 

HWhen he heard her voice, he all but ran to the CIC. “What did you find?” he asked breathlessly. 

“New Cholis has a really weird orbital trajectory, so I tracked it, and it came from the Bahak system less than a year ago!” 

“Wait… so you think it might be a piece of the alpha relay?”

“Yes! Yes! That’s why it has such a high concentration of eezo!” 

“That’s amazing!” Garrus thought for a moment. “But… wait… how does this help us?” 

Traynor stopped bouncing. Her face fell. “Oh. Oh no, I’m so sorry… I got you all excited for yet another dead end.” 

It wasn’t a dead end, though. If it was a piece of a mass relay, that meant it should have all the materials for a miniature mass relay. If they could just reestablish communications with Citadel space, Liara could get the plans for the Conduit, and they would have a way back home. He felt terrible that he couldn’t tell Traynor how useful her information was. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Good work anyway. Maybe we’ll find a way to make use of this.” 

“I feel so stupid for wasting time on this. I should be focusing on the communications array,” she said, balling her fists. 

“Don’t feel bad,” he said, tuning his subvocal to a comforting rumble. “You saw a lead, and you followed it. That’s just good detective work. And you’re in good company., Eevery lead we’ve had so far has been a dead end. Eventually, one of them has to help us find our way home.” 

Excusing himself from the CIC, he gathered Kaidan from the crew quarters and led him to Liara’s quarters. 

Preparing himself for more bouncing, Garrus said, “Traynor found out the asteroid is actually a piece of the alpha relay. We have the raw materials to build another Conduit!” 

He was disappointed by the lack of bouncing when . Liara only sighed. “We still don’t have the blueprints, though. I need the research data from the Prothean VI on Ilos.” 

Kaidan added, “We still have the issue of being able to negotiate with the batarians. We really don’t have much to offer.” 

“I do actually have some good news on that front,” Liara said. “Through my surveillance, I have discovered that most of the inhabitants of New Cholis are refugees, women and children. Admiral Bolabo Ghosk of the dreadnought Logasiri is running things, but his rule is precarious as food is scarce and riots are becoming unmanageable.” 

“Then, the location of the jungle planet is quite valuable to them,” Garrus nodded. 

With a slight bounce, Liara said, “Yes, exactly. We can trade--” 

“No,” Kaidan interrupted. “That planet is our only bargaining chip. It’s too valuable to let go until we’ve had a chance to build the Conduit.” 

Liara frowned. “But what else can we do? We have a planet full of food, and they have an asteroid full of starving people; they have an asteroid full of eezo that we need.” 

“We can travel back to the planet and hunt for more food, preserve it, and trade it. We only give a finite supply of food each time, that way we don’t give up the only card we’re holding,” Kaidan said firmly. 

Liara rested her hand on her arm, deep in thought. “Yes, this could work. There’s a woman named Revlark Crefgawar who is the de facto leader of the refugees, and she does most of the negotiating with the warlords on their behalf. I would prefer to work with her rather than Ghosk. I’ll use my Broker contact to set Crefgawar up with a mysterious food supplier.” 

Nodding to Kaidan, Garrus said, “It’s a good plan.” 

“First things first,” said Kaidan. “What little we have from our last trip we’ll have to trade for fuel to make it back to the planet.” 

“I’ll arrange everything, then,” Liara said. 

--- 

Trading food for fuel. It should be so simple. Yet this was all they had. This was their only hope. Everything was riding on this. 

Everyone was nervous for the first drop, but Liara most of all. This had to go perfectly, or they risked being discovered. Liara’s nervousness was so infectious that even Garrus was on edge. 

Garrus was relieved when he heard the assignments. Liara, Kaidan, and Traynor would be in the CIC communicating with the batarians. Garrus would be in the cargo bay with the rest of the hunting party, offloading the crates of meat when they got near the drop point. Joker had to do some fancy flying so the crates would land at the drop point without the Normandy ever being there. 

For all their anticipation, the drop itself was slow and anticlimactic. Joker and Traynor had done all the math ahead of time. The hunting party waited for Traynor’s signal, then pushed the button that released the crates from the clamps. Moments later, the fuel canisters floated in, and they pushed the button again to clamp them down. 

“All clear,” Joker’s voice said over the comm. 

“Huh. Well, that was… dull,” Westmoreland observed. 

“Get used to it,” Kaidan’s voice said calmly, “This was the first drop, but it won’t be the last.” 

“Do not be lulled by the dullness into a false sense of security,” Liara’s voice scolded in a high-pitched tone. “Every exchange we have with the batarians is another opportunity for them to find out who we are. And I shouldn’t have to remind anyone on board of their reputation for mistreating their prisoners.” 

Campbell checked that her comm was off. “We’re not really at risk of being taken as prisoners by the batarians, are we?” she asked Garrus, fear evident in her eyes despite the stone of her face and voice. 

“It’s certainly a possibility,” he answered. No reason to mince words with them. 

Westmoreland and Campbell shared a nervous glancelooked at each other nervously. 

Garrus sighed and sat down on one of the fuel canisters. He needed to reassure them, but they also needed to understand the risks. “Our situation isn’t exactly safe and cozy. We’re in real danger, that’s why we’re relying so heavily on our stealth capabilities. We may be far from Council space, but we’re still soldiers. We can handle a little danger.” 

“I know, it’s just…” Campbell seemed to lose her nerve, but after an encouraging look from Westmoreland, she continued. “At this rate, it feels like we’ll never make it home.” 

“We will,” Garrus said softly. “Major Alenko is right, we should get used to this pace. Dull is good. Dull means we’re not getting shot at.” He stood up off his crate. “Be patient. We will make it home.”

Chapter Text

In the Normandy, the trip back to the jungle planet only took four days. Campbell had jokingly taken to calling it Javiksland, and the name was quickly catching on. Morale had noticeably turned for the better now that they had a plan of action. Of course, most of the crew had no idea what they were going to do once they had the eezo, but no one seemed to object. 

No one, that is, except Javik. Down in the cargo hold, he and Garrus stood at their weapons bench preparing their equipment for hunting and foraging. “There is a larger plan at work here.” 

“Sorry, was that a question?” Garrus asked in a neutral tone. 

“You, T’Soni, Alenko, and the quarian have secrets that you keep from the rest of the crew,” Javik said, wiping a pipe brush clean. 

Garrus didn’t want to say too much until he understood what Javik was getting at. “We have known each other for three years.” 

“You are deliberately avoiding the question.” 

“You haven’t asked me any questions.” 

Javik growled. “Look, turian. You need my hunting and foraging skills for this plan of yours. I deserve to be included in your schemes for the use of this element zero.” 

Garrus’s mandibles quivered involuntarily. It may not have been quiiiite a standoff, but he could have cut the tension with a knife. He had to stand his ground. “It’s not my decision. Major Alenko is in command. That information is on a need-to-know basis, and it’s up to him to decide whether you need to know.” 

“Do not be a fool!” Javik slammed the shotgun down on the bench. “Your hollow words have done little to curb his apprehension.” 

“My words were not hollow!” Garrus’s face heated in fury. “You have vastly misjudged my character, Prothean. Is the concept of loyalty so foreign to you?” 

Javik backed off and glared at the bench. “I am not entirely sure I understand the concept. Please enlighten me.” 

Abruptly, Garrus’s anger gave way to pity. How was he even supposed to explain a concept as fundamental as loyalty? “You must at least know the definition of the word.” 

“Loyalty: a strong feeling of support or allegiance,” Javik recited. 

“That’s right. I’m not really sure how to explain it beyond that… you must understand to some extent; you were loyal to Shepard, after all.” 

“Shepard had the strength to defeat my enemies.” 

There was only one way to prove that Kaidan had a plan, and that was by revealing the plan. Garrus was at a loss for what to do about this situation. One thing was for sure, he was fed up with being in the middle of it. “Major Alenko,” he ordered the comm. 

“Yes?” Kaidan’s voice said over the comm. 

“I’d like to request your presence in the cargo bay.” 

“I’ll be there in a moment.” 

Javik gave him a quizzical look. 

“Count yourself lucky that I’m not the one in command. I would not tolerate your insubordination,” Garrus said firmly. 

The elevator opened and Kaidan walked out slowly. “Garrus.? What can I do for you?” 

“I believe Javik has some choice words for you.” 

Kaidan sighed. “Javik, are you proposing mutiny again?” 

Javik straightened himself out. “No. I propose a trade. My hunting and foraging skills in exchange for being let into this inner circle of yours.” 

“Inner circle?” 

“The group that knows what you plan to do with the element zero you trade from the batarians.” 

Kaidan folded his arms sternly. “Javik, that information is on a need to know basis. And I don’t see why you would need to know.” 

“I have skills you need.” 

“Yes, and you’re a member of this crew. That means you serve for the good of the crew. No quid pro quos.” 

“I am not an Alliance soldier.” 

“Yes, you’ve made that abundantly clear.” Kaidan unfolded his arms and shifted his weight back and forth between his feet. “Javik, you understand the concept of trust, right?” 

“Trust: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” 

“That’s right. I don’t know how things were in your cycle, but I’ve always believed that trust is something you earn, not something you demand.” 

Javik looked thoughtful for a moment, then tipped his head. “I can concede your opinion on this matter.” 

“Great,” Kaidan said. “You want to know more? Earn my trust.” 

Javik responded only with silence. 

“Are we finished here?” Kaidan asked. 

Javik mumbled, too quiet to hear. 

“I can’t hear you, Javik.” 

“How does one go about earning trust?” 

Kaidan nodded to Garrus that he could leave. As he left, he heard Kaidan chuckle, “Well, a good start is to avoid proposing mutiny. Again.” 

Once the elevator doors had closed, Garrus laughed to himself. He was relieved that Kaidan had managed to deescalate the situation so well. In a way, he admired how level-headed the man could be. On a purely technical level, he didn’t have any concrete complaints about Kaidan’s command so far. Then again, he was no Shepard. 

Garrus’s task of preparing weapons for the hunt had been interrupted by the argument, so he tried to think of something to do in the meantime. He thought about stopping by the server room to check in on Tali, but thought better of it. She had been wrapped up in her work since she’d had woken up, as anxious as everyone else to find out what EDI knew. Liara and Traynor were hard at work trying to establish a connection with Citadel space. The engineers were working on patching up the drive core now that they had all the materials they needed. Joker had to drive the ship, of course. Dr. Chakwas always had something to do. 

It had been a long time since Garrus was alone with his thoughts. He used to enjoy solitude, but silence had become a deafening howl of loneliness ever since he said goodbye to Shepard. Dealing with Javik might have been a nuisance, but it did help to drown out the din of his thoughts. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t stand it. 

Campbell and Westmoreland were working on making traps in the port cargo hold. He decided to join them. “How is it going?” The hold was cluttered with various wire cages and other contraptions. 

“Hello, Garrus,” said Westmoreland. 

Campbell threw her arms up in frustration. “Ancient technology is so hard! There are so many wires and springs…” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Garrus asked. 

“Yes!” Campbell said, “Hold these together, here, while I bend this… almost… Got it!” 

---

Garrus barged into Liara’s quarters without knocking. “How is it going?” 

Resting her head on her hand, Liara said, “It’s… stressful.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Garrus chided himself for being relieved that his friend had an issue that would distract him from thinking about Shepard, but of course he was going to listen. 

“Petrahn Danfek has been an excellent agent. The arrangements are made to trade our hunting spoils to Revlark Crefgawar. I’ve also got a lead on a scientist who was involved in dark energy research, Kheleya Crar’dass. According to her research, the mass relays somehow helped to funnel dark energy from the decay of stars toward the Citadel, which is troubling, to say the least. I’m somewhat concerned about Admiral Bolabo Ghosk, though. He has become aware that there is a Shadow Broker agent in his territory, and Danfek may be in danger. She is an asset I cannot afford to lose. Additionally, I worry that Crefgawar may try to track us through our shipments. There is also the possibility that Danfek herself may be using my information to learn about us; the best agents are always the most dangerous, and I do know that she has her own motives. If she were to… I’m sorry, I’m rambling.” 

Garrus motioned for her to sit down. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot to keep straight. Does rambling about it help you?” 

“Yes, it does.” 

“Then ramble away.” 

Struggling to keep track of all these batarians, Garrus tallied them up in his head. Admiral Bolabo Ghosk was the leader of New Cholis according to the bhalant’kari caste system, but due to a lack of food, riots threatened his rule. Revlark Crefgawar was a woman and therefore had no official standing, but she was the widow of a universally-adored Admiral and therefore held significant soft power. Petrahn Danfek was a former archeologist and Liara’s subordinate information broker. Kheleya Crar’dass was a dark energy researcher. Liara mentioned dozens of others, but those four were the only ones that came up often enough that Garrus could remember them. 

“This might seem like a stupid question, but if you’re worried about Danfek’s motives, why not cut out the middleman and speak directly with Crar’dass?” Garrus asked. 

“It’s not a stupid question,” Liara said. “If I pursue any one lead too aggressively, it gives the enemy insight into my motives, which gives them leverage. If I never seek out information and instead passively receive whatever people choose to volunteer, I remain a force of neutrality.” 

“So the real reason we’re not getting any answers is that you’re not asking any questions,” Garrus said, fighting to keep his voice neutral. 

“In essence, yes,” Liara said. 

“Well, that’s… frustrating.” 

“It is. I told you Shadow Broker work was boring.” 

Garrus ground his talons together in thought. “You know, we may not have a choice. Every time we jump to FTL, we give away our position. I wouldn’t be too surprised if the batarians have figured out who they’re trading with by now.” 

“I may not have been doing this for a terribly long time, but I am quite good at it,” Liara said sternly. “Garrus, I am asking you to trust my process.” 

---

“Hey, Tali, how’s it going?” 

“Shit!” There was a loud crash as Tali burned herself and dropped her tools. “Keelah, Garrus, don’t startle me like that!” 

“Are you okay?” Garrus asked. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” Tali grumbled. “Did you need something?” 

Feeling guilty for disturbing her workflow, Garrus apologized. “No, no, I’m sorry for interrupting. I can come back another time.” 

“It’s all right. I’m sorry for snapping at you, you know I didn’t mean anything by it, right?” Tali patted his elbow. 

“Of course. But I’m… I’m being a nuisance, I’ll go.” 

Tali sighed. “No major progress on EDI, if that’s what you’re wondering. But if Joker asks, it’s going great.” Twiddling her fingers together, she said, “That batarian dark energy research, on the other hand… Crar’dass’ work… I am very interested to learn more about it. I’d love to talk to her in person. Not that the Council will listen to anything she has to say, since she’s batarian, but maybe we can at least get them to fund a team to verify its validity.” 

Garrus said, “But if the Citadel is funneling dark energy through the mass relays, then…” Garrus sighed. “ Well, I don’t actually know what that means, but it doesn’t sound good.” 

“This is the Council we’re talking about, Garrus. Remember how hard we had to work to get them to believe that Saren was dirty? And they never believed Shepard about the Reapers until they were already on their doorstep. If there really is something going on here, you can bet your buttocks that they’ll bury their heads in mud like they always do,” she said bitterly, punctuating her statement with a stern waggle of her finger. 

“Something to look forward to if we ever make it home,” Garrus said quietly. 

So, that was the state of things. They couldn’t ask for the information they needed without potentially exposing themselves, and even if they did get the information, they would have to fight with the Council to get anyone to listen to them. Excellent. Garrus was beginning to feel they should forget about dark energy and just focus on making it home. 

---

They landed back on the planet. Hunting time. 

Garrus, Javik, Campbell, and Westmoreland packed up their gear and set off into the jungle. Campbell and Westmoreland chatted amicably, as they always did. 

Javik was staring. During the hour-long hike, Garrus managed to ignore it. Eventually, as they settled into their makeshift blind, he gave in and made eye contact. 

“You are correct, turian. I have vastly misjudged your character.” 

“How so?” Garrus checked that he had a clear shot of the watering hole through his scope. 

“In the past, you have always struck me as an honest man. I do not understand, then, why you lie about your loyalty to Alenko.” 

“You’re not still butting heads with him, are you?” Garrus asked. 

“I have never ‘butted heads’ with him. You misunderstand. In my time, leadership was not chosen by such formalized structures. Your social hierarchy and command hierarchy are fully separate, this he explained to me.” 

“You’re saying you accidentally proposed mutiny because you didn’t understand our culture?” Garrus found that hard to believe. 

“In essence, yes, this is what happened. Your status as Shepard’s mate and perpetual service to her made you second only to Shepard in the Normandy’s social hierarchy. In my time, this meant you were second in line as commander.” 

“Protheans didn’t have a formalized chain of command?” 

“Not insomuch as this cycle seems to.” Javik fiddled with his scope. “I notice you have a habit of avoiding giving direct answers to my questions.” 

“What question did I avoid this time?” Garrus sighed. 

“I can sense emotions, Vakarian. I know you feel significant apprehension towards Alenko. You preach unity, as does T’soni, but she is fully committed.” 

Having an empath around was seriously inconvenient. “My apprehension is due to… personal matters. Things that don’t matter. The fact is, he’s our commander, I’ve resigned myself to that, and he needs my support. So I will support him, in every way I can.” 

“Resignation is not the same as loyalty.” 

Enough. Garrus punched Javik in the face. 

Javik crashed into the side of the blind, collapsing it on top of them both. 

The sound of gunfire sent them both into a panic. Unable to see, maneuver, or find their weapons, they were sitting ducks. Garrus tried to roll them away from the sound of the gunfire, and, tangled up in the blind, they both tumbled down a hill, the two of them, their weapons, all crashing together, bruising, chaotic. 

Indistinct women’s voices, Campbell and Westmoreland, sudden screams, muffled by the thick vegetation. No. No. 

How could they have let themselves get so distracted? They had let their guard down, thinking they were in a non-combat situation, and let themselves be ambushed. By each other? By batarians? Natives? Or something worse? 

Campbell and Westmoreland’s voices continued shrieking. Garrus and Javik fumbled to extract themselves from their ruined blind and retrieve their weapons. Finding cover behind trees, they prepared to be attacked. 

Noisy footsteps approached them. 

Garrus prepared to shoot. 

He zeroed in on the location of the footsteps. 

He whipped out of cover and pointed his rifle at-- “Javik, no! Don’t shoot!” 

The footsteps belonged to Campbell and Westmoreland. 

“Wait… did you guys just almost shoot us?” Westmoreland yelled. “What the fuck is going on over there?” 

It took some time to sort things out, but it turned out that what happened was that Garrus punched Javik right when several fat pigs were in Campbell and Westmoreland’s scopes. The noise of Javik collapsing the blind had startled the pigs, so Campbell and Westmoreland started shooting before the animals escaped. What sounded like screams muffled by the jungle was them cheering at their successful hunt. 

Garrus and Javik felt like idiots. 

The four of them packed up their gear and their kills, five enormous beasts, the largest one easily over 300 pounds. Campbell and Westmoreland made fun of them the whole way back to the Normandy. 

Garrus tried to join in the good-natured teasing, but the truth was that Javik had struck a nerve. When he thought of Kaidan, some part of him couldn’t help but think of the way he had hurt Shepard. Sure, Shepard had forgiven him for it a long time ago, but that didn’t mean Garrus could stop thinking of her terrified, heartbroken face, everytime she questioned whether she was fully human. Kaidan didn’t know. He could never know. Shepard was too good at hiding her pain from the world. But that didn’t matter. He hurt Shepard. He hurt her. 

---

After hearing their official report, Kaidan privately called Garrus into his unofficial office on the starboard observation deck. Standing face to face in front of the huge window, he asked, “Garrus, what the hell happened back there?” 

“I’m sorry, I lost my temper. It won’t happen again.” 

“You promised me you had your emotions under control.” 

Garrus said nothing. 

“You understand that I have to take disciplinary action, right?” 

Again, he said nothing. Stupid Alliance and their stupid rules against violence. 

“Look, I can sympathize with you. Everyone wants to punch Javik. But this isn’t like you, and I need to know what’s going on. What if that had really been an ambush? Liara’s plan to trade with Revlark is a good one, but there’s a lot that could go wrong. We all need you with a clear head for this mission, Garrus.” 

That sounded like something Shepard would say. In fact, he could have sworn she said those exact words to him when they were tracking down Sidonis. This time, though, there were no mechs to overload, no dirty cop to throttle, no traitor to kill. He didn’t want to be upset with Kaidan; he was a friend, or had been, once. A friend and a commander who needed his full loyalty. Looking at Kaidan’s face, Garrus said, “It’s not Javik, it’s you.” 

“You’re mad at me, so you punched Javik?” Kaidan shrugged. “Makes sense.” He squinted at Garrus. “Why?” 

Garrus’s fury welled up, and he said with a threatening rumble, “Horizon.” 

“You mean… the things I said to Shepard on Horizon?” 

“Yes. She never would have told you, but… she had nightmares. She questioned whether she was even herself of just some Cerberus VI programmed to think it was Shepard. And the fact that you, one of her oldest friends, questioned her, compared her to one of those husks…” Garrus was too upset to continue. 

Kaidan hung his head. He left the window and sat on one of the couches. “You know, I’ve managed to get through life without too many regrets. But… that’s… I’m not sure I’ll ever fully forgive myself for that.” 

“I considered you a friend. She considered you a friend. That’s why hearing you say those things hurt so much.” Garrus walked to face Kaidan. 

Kaidan looked up at him from his seat. “I’m sorry. I was hurting, I felt betrayed, and I spoke in anger. She and I, we worked things out while I was at Huerta Memorial, but I never thought about how my words must have affected the rest of the crew.” 

“I know.” Garrus sat down next to him. “It hurts more now because I miss her so much.” It would be hypocritical to pretend that Garrus had never said or done anything to hurt Shepard; she was heartbroken when she saw his thirst for vengeance over Sidonis. It would also be hypocritical to pretend that he had never hurt his crewmates; he once told Tali the quarians deserved what they got for creating the geth in the first place, but Tali had forgiven him. If Tali could forgive that, then Garrus could forgive Kaidan for this. 

“Remember how much fun we used to have back on the SR-1?” Kaidan laughed nervously. “We never really had a chance to repair our friendship after I rejoined the SR-2, did we? Everything happened so quickly… We immediately got launched into Rannoch, Thessia, Sanctuary, then Cronos Station… then Earth… Things were so heavy… There was never a moment to rest and take stock.” 

“Well, there was that party at Anderson’s apartment. You really cannot handle your caffeine, Major,” Garrus teased. 

“I was nervous drinking! I’m not the greatest in social situations.” Kaidan shuffled his feet. “I really am sorry. I wish I could take it back.” 

“You do?” 

“Yeah, I do. When I saw Shepard on Horizon… man, I was so wrong about everything. And then on Mars, I was still questioning whether she was really her… maybe things wouldn’t have gone so wrong if I’d had a little faith, you know?” 

That was exactly why Garrus had been holding a grudge against him. All that time, this was why Kaidan had so much self-doubt? “Kaidan, it wasn’t your fault that Dr. Eva almost killed you.” 

Kaidan bowed forward, resting his head on his hands. “It’s my fault she had the chance. If I had stood by Shepard, no matter how bad things looked, like you did…” 

“Well, I certainly would have preferred that. It was hard… losing you,” Garrus said. 

Kaidan said, “I’ve missed you too.” 

“I forgive you. For real this time.” 

“Thanks, Garrus.” Kaidan laughed. “You must think I’m pathetic, wanting to talk about all this touchy-feely stuff.” 

Garrus chuckled at that. “You really think Shepard never needed a pep talk? We all looked out for her, that’s what kept her strong. We’ll do the same for you.” Stretching his neck, he said, “Say, does the Alliance have regs against hugs? I’m becoming quite fond of that funny little human habit.” 

“I think we’re far enough from Alliance space to relax on the regs a little.” Kaidan leaned in and let Garrus put his arms around him. 

Half-joking, Garrus asked, “Does that mean I can get out of being disciplined for punching Javik?” 

“Absolutely not. You’re still cleaning the CO2 scrubbers.” Kaidan’s face was hidden, and it was hard to judge human emotions without it. He was still relaxed into the hug, though, so there must not be any malice behind it. “Are you purring?” 

Garrus’s subvocals were, in fact, making a low rumble. It wasn’t quite accurate to call it a purr, but close enough. “Maybe,” he said cheekily. Looking out the window at the big, cold galaxy, it hit him how few friends he really had. This was his first time ever repairing a broken friendship. “I miss her too. I’m trusting you to get us back home to her. And I do trust you. Now I need you to trust yourself.” 

“Thank you,” Kaidan said softly. “That means a lot, coming from you.” 

“Always,” Garrus said. “I’m here if you need me.” 

The world was so vast, so broken. The mass relays were gone, and there were a thousand light years between him and the woman he loved. But if this small thing could be fixed, then maybe the rest of it could too. Maybe they’d be able to gather the supplies they needed without the batarians catching them. Maybe EDI would have some answers about dark energy, and why she brought them to batarian space. Maybe Traynor would be able to reestablish contact with the Alliance, and maybe they would send the Prothean VI Vigil’s data, and maybe Liara would be able to use it to build another Conduit. Maybe they would make it home after all. Maybe he would see Shepard again.