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We, the Mother, the Son and the Holy Spirit, hereby present Our experiment set to commence at the Beginning. We noticed before the Beginning an unplanned attention from one ethereal being to another, manifested in the form of smiles and blushing. The second being didn’t quite seem to reciprocate this attention. They did nonetheless protect the other being from the first meteorite storm by shielding them with their wing. We decided to analyse the evolution of the relationship between both beings. Following the Fall of the second being, this experiment took a new turn, with one subject being ethereal and the other one occult. Our final Goal for this experiment is for Our subjects to share a kiss. We will however be considering extending this experiment when Our Goal is reached1.
We will take notes of all relevant events happening through Our intervention. Our hope is that relevant events will start to happen spontaneously as Our experiment progresses.
We estimate that this experiment will take 5000 years at a maximum.
Garden of Eden, 4004 BC
Humans leave the Garden of Eden with knowledge of the Right and the Wrong, as well as a flaming sword, like We planned. Demon saunters on the wall beside angel. Angel confesses to have given the humans his flaming sword. Demon appears impressed. The attention between both beings is reciprocated, just like We expected.
Demon and angel have a conversation about Good and Evil. Angel expresses concern that he may have done the wrong thing. Demon reassures him that he didn’t (they don’t know that they are both acting according to Our Plan).
We initiate the First Rainstorm. Angel shelters demon under his wing. No Vavoom happens.
(note to Selves : try again)
The Desert, 4003 BC
Eve gives birth to the first human-child. Demon expresses guilt for being the cause of childbirth pain. Angel reassures him that he couldn’t expect this consequence for tempting Eve.
Mesopotamia, 3004 BC
Demon joins angel in front of Noah’s ark. Demon and angel discuss the Flood. Demon expresses disapproval at Our actions, most especially the killing of kids. Angel reprimands him, mentioning the Ineffable Plan.
No major progress was made during this meeting. We believe this is due to angel’s infallible belief in the Ineffable Plan, therefore not allowing himself to connect with demon.
(note to Selves: make angel doubt the Ineffable Plan)
Mesopotamia, 3004 BC
We initiate the Flood. No Vavoom happens.
(note to Selves: try fire instead)
Land of Uz, 2500 BC
Demon saves Job’s goats by turning them into crows. Demon sets fire to Job’s house. No Vavoom happens.
Demon and angel save Job’s children. Angel lies to Archangel Gabriel.
Demon and angel discuss that they go along as well as they can with Hell and Heaven. Angel demonstrates doubts towards the Ineffable Plan and trust towards demon. We need to continue in this direction, as angel is still uncomfortable at the idea of going against Heaven. Angel doesn’t suspect that this is a part of Our Plan.
Demon tempts angel to eat ox rib. Angel is offended at first. Angel eats ox rib with his mouth. Demon eats angel with his eyes. We need demon to eat angel with his mouth next.
We are quite satisfied with the progress made by both subjects. Demon took initiative to tempt angel. Angel showed a higher level of trust towards demon and let himself be tempted.
Demon informs angel of his new name. Angel and demon share a conversation about the Son. No major progress is made after that, despite Our attempt to influence demon through conversing with the Son2.
Rome, 41 AD
Angel smiles when seeing demon. Wants to tempt demon with oysters. Demon enjoys the temptation.
Kingdom of Wessex, 537 AD
Demon suggests an arrangement to reduce their efforts spreading peace and foment. Angel refuses and leaves.
This experiment might take a long time due to angel undermining demon’s progress.
(note to Selves: remember to request additional time if Our Goal isn’t achieved in 996 AD)
Angel and demon are charged of a blessing and a temptation on Gregory V. Demon suggests a new arrangement. Angel changes the subject to Gorgonzola3 .
Our Goal isn’t achieved in the estimated timespan of 5000 years.
Additional time requested.
Clermont, 1096 AD
Angel and demon are charged of a blessing and a temptation in Jerusalem. Demon suggests an arrangement. Angel expresses disagreement but accepts.
(note to Selves: provide new opportunities for the Arrangement)
Angel agrees to the Arrangement (reluctantly again). Angel pleads demon with his eyes. Demon falls to angel’s pleading. Demon is far fallen4.
(note to Selves: need to focus on angel moving forward)
Angel is put in chains to tempt demon. Demon saves angel from decapitation. Angel and demon leave to eat crepes.
We thought the chains to be a very clever stratagem but demon is good at resisting temptation5.
(note to Selves: is this whole experiment doomed to fail?)
Edinburgh, 1827 AD
Angel and demon meet a human digging up a body. Angel is strongly opposed to it, but after listening to humans, he helps human together with demon.
Substantial progress in getting angel to develop his own thoughts independently from Heaven.
(forget previous note to Selves. We are gonna do it)
St James’ Park, 1862 AD
Demon asks angel for holy water as insurance. Angel refuses and leaves angry.
(note to Selves: find a new plan to reconcile them)
Soho, 1941 AD
Demon saves angel from nazis. Angel saves them both from a bomb. Demon saves angel’s books. Angel looks at demon like he is the most beautiful thing in Our creation.
Are we close to reaching Our goal?
Ugh, angel is so bad at magic6.
The bookshop, 1941 AD
Angel and demon verbally express trust towards one another (!).
Soho, 1967 AD
Angel gives demon holy water. Demon proposes to drive angel anywhere he wants to go. Angel says demon goes too fast for him.
Starting to regret choosing these two subjects for Our experiment.
Everywhere, 2007 AD
The big intervention We planned especially for this experiment is almost ready to commence. Finding and preparing the ressources in Heaven, Hell and on Earth took time, but We have full trust that this will draw Our subjects close enough for Our experiment to succeed.
The bookshop, 2008 AD
Angel and demon are drunk. Demon suggests for them to be Godfathers of the Antichrist. Angel is flustered. No kissing happens.
(note to Selves: try stronger alcohol next time?)
Dowling household, 2012 AD
Nanny Ashtoreth plays with the fake Antichrist. Brother Francis looks longingly at nanny Ashtoreth.
(why aren’t they acting upon their feelings?)
Tadfield manor, 2019 AD
Demon presses angel against a wall. No kissing happens.
(why ??)
Tadfield Airbase, 2019 AD
Angel threatens demon to never talk to him again. Demon appears terrified. Stops time.
Bus, 2019 AD
Angel and demon hold hands for the whole journey.
(it is coming)
Heaven and Hell, 2019 AD
Angel and demon exchange faces to protect each other. They impersonate each other so skillfully that nobody notices the scheme (except Ourselves).
(oh, this is so romantic!)
The Ritz, 2019 AD
Angel and demon dine at the Ritz. A nightingale sings. Angel and demon toast to the World.
(this will without a doubt lead to a kiss)
The bookshop, 2022 AD
Still no kissing after three years on their own side.
Give me coffee or give me death, 2023 AD
Human mentions angel’s naked man friend. This catches demon’s attention. Angel quickly corrects human.
(note to Selves: could jealousy be the solution?)
The bookshop, 2023 AD
Demon apologises to angel. Angel requires an I-was-wrong dance. Demon agrees reluctantly.
It is a sign of progress that they reconciled without needing Our intervention.
Whickber Street, 2023 AD
Angel expresses his desire to use demon’s Bentley. Demon is firmly opposed to it. Tries to say no but doesn’t manage it.
Demon does everything angel wants, yet doesn’t go further.
The Dirty Donkey, 2023 AD
Angel sits down while demon orders drinks. Human sits down with angel to make a request. Demon joins them and greets human with a possessive stance.
(note to Selves : continue igniting jealousy)
Demon doesn’t know how to conjugate smite. Angel answers «Smitten, I believe».
(We are seduced. Need a break to collect Ourselves7.)
Whickber Street, 2023 AD
Angel goes door to door to invite humans to a meeting. Demon follows him everywhere. Human asks demon if he has been long with his partner. Demon appears shocked.
Will this help him move towards Our Goal?
The bookshop, 2023 AD
Angel and demon dance together at a ball, at angel’s initiative. They are interrupted by an army of demons. This wasn’t a part of Our Plan.
(note to Selves: ask Satan to better control its troops)
The bookshop, 2023 AD
Angel and demon discover the relationship of Archangel Gabriel and Prince of Hell Beelzebub. Angel puts his hand on demon’s shoulder.
Surely this example will help angel overcome his fear. We believe Our experiment will soon give its fruit!
The bookshop, 2023 AD
Demon is planning us time with angel with «an extremely alcoholic breakfast at the Ritz».
(oh Myself oh Myself it’s gonna happen!)
(how does One calm down when One doesn’t breathe8?)
(!!!!)
The bookshop, 2023 AD
Demon kissed angel. Angel forgave demon. Demon stormed out.
Why isn’t it working????
Holiday requested. Please approve ASAP.
- One may certainly wonder which further goal might justify an extended experiment. [ ▲ ]
- 40 days being evidently insufficiant in contrast to 4037 years. [ ▲ ]
- He had not needed any help to tempt himself into tasting it, in the year of our Lord 879. [ ▲ ]
- She presents to you Her most holy excuses for this double-meaning. [ ▲ ]
- He was made, after all, to tempt, not to be tempted. [ ▲ ]
- Except the one time it really counts. But, yes. [ ▲ ]
- God didn’t have a pillow to scream into. She did, however, have Proxima Centauri. [ ▲ ]
- Proxima Centauri. [ ▲ ]