Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Changbin heard the key turn in the door as he was wrapping a phone conversation with his mother. Keeping half an ear on the conversation, he looked up in time to see Hyunjin walk in.

He was beautiful like always, skin fresh and glowing no matter what the time of day or what they were up to. He looked just as good now, hair messily floating around his head like a halo. He smiled when he saw Changbin watching him kick off his shoes and take his jacket off.

“Eomma,” he said, not bothering to take the call off of the speaker. “I gotta go, Hyunjin just got home.”

“Okay,” she said. “Say hello to your boyfriend for me.”

Changbin smiled at that. “Tell dad I love him.”

“I will, I will, goodnight son.”

“Love you, Eomma.”

“Love you,” she said.

They hung up, and Hyunjin sat down next to him. It was rare that they had time alone in the dorm together, and Changbin was just appreciating their good luck when he noticed the look on Hyunjin’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“No seriously,” Changbin said. “What?”

“I wish your mom wouldn’t call me that,” he said.

“What?”

“Your boyfriend,” Hyunjin said. “We’re not like that. Did you tell her we were together?”

Changbin hadn’t—not really. He hadn’t told his mother that he and Hyunjin had been sleeping together for over a year now, but his mom was smart enough to read between the lines. Truthfully, Changbin never felt the need to correct her misunderstanding either. He liked that his mom thought of the two of them as a pair, because that was how he thought of them too.

“Come on,” Changbin said. “What’s the harm?”

“The harm? The harm is I’m not your boyfriend. I don’t know why you keep pushing me on this. And now your mom thinks we’re together? Changbin, come on.”

Changbin stood up. He felt a bad mood quickly gathering around him and the last thing he wanted to do was say something he might regret.

“You’ve made yourself clear on more than one occasion,” he said tightly.

“I know,” Hyunjin said. “At least I thought I had.”

“I’m not doing this right now,” Changbin said. The night he had envisioned when Hyunjin walked through the door was quickly evaporating before his eyes. He was tired, and maybe it would just be better to be alone.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he said, standing and walking toward his bedroom.

Hyunjin didn’t stop him.

Hyunjin had made it clear on a number of occasions that he didn’t want to define whatever it was between them.

Right after they had sex the first time, before Changbin had a chance to catch his breath or wipe the jizz off his stomach, Hyunjin had rolled over, scooped his underwear off the floor and stepped back into them.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” he said. He looked down his nose at Changbin, still lying on the bed—and frankly feeling completely bamboozled—but there was a hint of vulnerability around his eyes that had Changbin nodding along.

“Course,” he said.

The expression on Hyunjin’s face didn’t change, but Changbin thought he noticed a slight relaxing of his shoulders as he pulled his pants on. “Great,” he said. “Thanks, hyung!”

Then he was gone in a whirlwind of hair and clothes, and Changbin flopped back down onto the bed. “Okay,” he said to the empty room. “No problem.”

Changbin thought when Hyunjin said that their having sex didn’t mean anything that they wouldn’t be doing it again. That was an assumption that quickly proved incorrect: Hyunjin jumped him in a closet at an awards show. The two of them quickly putting their clothes back in place didn’t exactly leave Changbin much time to ask ‘what are we?’

Things continued like that between them for a while. If Changbin was being totally honest with himself, he had been too busy enjoying his good fortune to really sit down with Hyunjin and talk about what was happening between them. Maybe some more of the blame deserved to fall on his shoulders for assuming they felt the same—which was wildly and completely in dumb messy love—but by the time he got around to lifting his head out of a Hyunjin induced haze, several weeks had passed.

It was around that time that Changbin started to notice that Hyunjin would pull away from him whenever they were around other people. Not on camera; no, on camera he was very affectionate. If it was just the members, or other staff, he would shimmy out from underneath Changbin’s arm, or dance away from a hand on his back or his hip.

“What’s that about?” Changbin asked, when he finally worked up the courage to talk to Hyunjin about it.

“What’s what about?” Hyunjin asked.

“You keep ducking away from me.”

“No I don’t.” Said too quickly. He wouldn’t make eye contact with Changbin.

“Jinnie,” Changbin said. “Come on.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You come on, hyung. I told you I don’t want to make this into some big thing, okay? Can you just drop it?”

Changbin wanted to drop it, he did. It was just that every time that Hyunjin told him that it was just sex, or that what they were doing didn’t mean anything, Changbin felt a deep aching well of desperation inside him to prove to Hyunjin that what they had did mean something. That it meant everything. When Hyunjin pulled away, Changbin just wanted to keep him closer. When he told Changbin they weren’t together like that, Changbin desperately wanted him to see that they could be.

That didn’t stop him from following every time Hyunjin pulled them into one of their bedrooms, or a quiet dressing room, or on one occasion an empty bathroom in the JYP Building. It didn’t stop him from pulling Hyunjin close the few times he actually stayed in Changbin’s bed after they fucked, or from putting on fanservice whenever the cameras were around, or from putting his arm around Hyunjin’s waist any chance he got.

It didn’t stop Hyunjin from pulling away.

The thing was, Changbin didn’t feel like he was pushing things too hard, or more importantly, that he was imagining things. Hyunjin would pull him close, when it was just the two of them. He would kiss Changbin like his life depended on it. He would gasp, “Hyung, hyung, hyung, please,” when Changbin fucked him.

Changbin was in love with him.

Most of the time, he really didn’t think he was alone in that. Others, like tonight, when Hyunjin would snap over something that seemed too innocuous to Changbin, he felt more alone than he ever had.

Changbin was a social guy. He had a lot of friends, good friends he could call on in a variety of different situations. He loved being around other people, whether it was the members, or friends he met in his trainee days, or the people he had kept in touch with before he signed on with JYPE.

He loved people, and people loved him. Being around others always filled him up–it was why he loved performing so much. He also loved catching up with a friend, hanging out in the studio or the gym, being around the staff–all of it.

He loved people and people loved him.

Except, it seemed, for Hyunjin.

“Earth to Changbin.”

A hand appeared in Changbin’s field of vision, and he startled in his chair. He looked from the hand waving in front of his face to Chan sitting next to him in the studio. It was another late night, and left to his own volition, Changbin would have left a couple hours ago. When he encouraged Chan to come home with him, he was met with “You go, I just have a little bit left to do here,” and Changbin knew what that meant.

He needed to stay, if only to drag Chan out of here—he glanced at the clock—in the next forty-five minutes if he didn’t wrap it up on his own.

“Where were you?” Chan asked.

Changbin sighed. It wasn’t easy for him to talk to anyone about what was going on between him and Hyunjin. It didn’t feel fair to put that burden on any of the other members, and he worried about betraying Hyunjin’s confidence.

“Just thinking.”

Chan looked at him out of the corner of his eye, then clicked a few things on the computer before shutting it down. That could only mean he was in trouble and when Chan turned to face him, he knew Chan was about to get serious.

“What about?” he asked, and yep, that was both his ‘I’m your leader and I’m here for you,’ face, coupled with his ‘I’m being serious’ voice.

Changbin sighed again. “Hyung,” he said. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sure you are,” Chan said, nodding along, maintaining an air of ‘you can tell me anything.’

“I’m fine,” Changbin said, letting a tired whine creep into his voice. “Are you ready to go home?”

Chan put his laptop into his bag, then lifted his arms above his head, stretching his shoulders. Changbin looked away before he could do that weird hyperflexible thing he did that always kinda gave Changbin the creeps.

“Is it about Hyunjin?” Chan asked.

Changbin froze. He had packed up his own computer earlier and didn’t have it as a distraction now. He’d been scrolling on Instagram while he waited for Chan to wrap things up.

The fact was, Hyunjin had texted him an hour ago, asking if he was coming home soon. Normally, whenever Hyunjin came calling, Changbin tripped over his own feet to reply. After their fight the other night, he was still feeling a bit sore. They hadn’t talked about it. They never talked about it. Any time Changbin tried, Hyunjin would dodge the question. One time, he literally, physically ran out of the room.

The truth was, Changbin found his fuse was becoming shorter and shorter these days, and he didn’t like it. He prided himself on being a steady, level-headed guy, someone the members could lean on and trust. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that when Hyunjin said, “this doesn’t mean anything,” Changbin didn’t listen. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own, and it wasn’t fair of him to take out his bad mood on anyone else. He needed to deal with that himself.

“Why do you ask?” he said, casually.

It was Chan’s turn to sigh. “You don’t have to talk to me,” he said. “But don’t treat me like an idiot.”

Changbin looked down. That was fair. “Sorry, hyung,” he said.

“Do you want to talk?”

Changbin took a deep breath and tried to assess how he was actually feeling. He had been so angry lately, so frustrated. It wasn’t like him, and he didn’t enjoy feeling this way. Chan was a good listener, and he wouldn’t judge—not Changbin, not Hyunjin. He was as safe as it was going to get.

“I guess,” he said.

Changbin took a deep breath and started at the beginning. Chan listened patiently, his chin resting on the palm of his hand as Changbin talked. He didn’t say much, just let Changbin talk it out. The longer Changbin talked, the more he realised he had to say. Keeping everything inside for so long had felt like the only choice. Almost everyone he knew also knew Hyunjin, and Changbin didn’t feel comfortable airing out his business with the few friends who didn’t.

When he was done, Chan sat back in his chair and took a long slow breath. “Wow,” he said.

Changbin… honestly didn’t know how to react to that. “What does that mean?” he asked.

“What?” Chan asked. “Nothing. It’s just a lot to take in.”

“Well, it’s not like Hyunjin wasn’t up front with me,” he said, immediately feeling protective of Hyunjin. “I knew what I was getting into.”

“Did you?” Chan asked.

Changbin huffed. “Well, maybe not, but that’s not Hyunjin’s fault! He told me he didn’t want anything serious.”

Chan looked at him for a long moment.

“What?” Changbin asked, starting to squirm under the scrutiny.

“Nothing,” Chan said.

“It’s clearly not nothing,” Changbin said. “Just say it.”

“It’s just…” Chan took a deep breath. “You know I love Hyunjin. I love both of you, and it does sound like Hyunjin was upfront with what he wanted out of the whole friends with benefits thing or whatever it is you’ve got going on.”

“But…?”

“But you know you’re allowed to be mad at him, right?”

“I’m not mad at him!” Chan gave him an incredulous look. “I’m not!”

Chan held out his hands. “Are you sure about that?”

Changbin opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. No words came out.

“Listen,” Chan said. “I think you need to figure out how you feel, and maybe take it from there. But can I be an annoying hyung for a minute and give you some advice?”

Changbin chuckled weakly. “Can’t hurt.”

“I think it’s clear you both care about each other. Maybe Hyunjin isn’t showing it the way you would like, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care at all.”

Changbin took a deep breath. “I dunno, hyung.”

“He may not be at the same stage you are, you know? I don’t think that means he doesn’t have strong feelings for you. I think you have to consider taking things at the pace that Hyunjin is comfortable with, even if that means moving slower than you’d like.”

Chanbin had spent all this time trying to figure out how to get Hyunjin to the same place he was. Maybe Chan was right and he needed to accept the speed they were going and trust that Hyunjin would catch up eventually.

“Just think about it, okay?” Chan said, when Changbin got lost in his thoughts again.

Changbin nodded. “Yeah, trust me, I will.”

Chan laughed, and put his arm around Changbin’s shoulders, pulling him into Chan’s body. “I know, buddy.”

They gathered the last of their things and headed out for the night.

Hyunjin’s door was shut when they got back to the dorms. With a nod goodnight to Chan, Changbin went into his own room, shutting the door behind him.

Climbing into his bed, he pulled out his phone Late night at the studio with hyung, he texted Hyunjin. Talk to you tomorrow? After a few minutes without a response, he plugged in his phone and went to sleep.

The next morning Changbin woke up earlier than he should have, considering the hour they had gotten home from the studio. Still, once he was up, he was up. He checked his phone briefly, but Hyunjin hadn’t replied.

He sighed before getting up and getting changed into his gym clothes. Chan was right: he needed to think.

The gym was empty at this time of day and Changbin completed his warmup before running through his regular routine. Rather than tackling the problem head on, Changbin allowed himself to really sink into his body, the movement, the burn in his muscles as he pushed through one set, then another. At the end of his chest and arms workout he felt no clearer on what he should do, so he immediately moved into completing his leg workout. Then he climbed on the bike and started his cardio routine.

By the time he had been cycling for the better part of forty minutes, Minho walked into the gym. He took one look at Changbin, then did a double take.

“Yah,” he shouted. “Get off before you pass out! Where’s your water?” he rushed to where Changbin had set down his stuff, and grabbed the bottle, throwing it at Changbin’s head.

He had to stop pedaling to catch it, but once he did, he took a sip. Then he gulped several more swallows. He was thirstier than he thought.

Minho shook his head and started on his own workout. Changbin slithered off the bike, and made his way over to the mats. He stretched out his quads, hamstrings and groin, occasionally heckling Minho while he did. When Minho was done with his workout, he came and stood over Changbin for a moment, hands on his hips.

“Come,” he said. “I’ll cook.”

Changbin groaned and got to his feet.

Minho and Jisung bickered while Minho cooked. They bickered while the three of them ate the food Minho prepared. They bickered on the couch after the meal while they watched an episode of the latest anime Jisung was obsessed with. They were comfortable together in a way that made Changbin’s chest ache.

“I’m heading out,” he said after the third episode. “Gonna go back to our dorm,” he told the two of them. “See you later?”

They nodded and Changbin left. There was no message on his phone from Hyunjin. He walked. His thoughts, everything he had been keeping at bay all day, were swirling around his head. He finally had to admit to himself, he was angry with Hyunjin. Pretending he wasn’t wasn’t fair to either of them.

The other hard truth was that Hyunjin had been totally upfront with him. He had communicated to Changbin what he wanted, and while Changbin was allowed to be disappointed, allowed to be frustrated, or wish that Hyunjin felt differently, he couldn’t keep taking it out on Hyunjin. He couldn’t keep asking for something he knew Hyunjin didn’t want—something that Hyunjin told him many times—and getting upset when the answer was the same.

It wasn’t fair.

Changbin sighed.

He owed Hyunjin an apology.

His thought was to go immediately talk to Hyunjin in person, but he forced himself to stop. Slow down. An in-person apology was something he would want in Hyunjin’s position, but the reason they were in this position was because Changbin had been trying to do things the way he wanted. He sighed and pulled out his phone.

Sorry about the other day, he texted. You were right. I should have listened.

There was more he wanted to say, more he could say, but he needed to know how he felt first. The most important thing was that things were good between the two of them. If that meant they kept their current arrangement or went back to being just friends and bandmates—things had to be good between them. If Changbin’s feelings were getting in the way of things being good, then Changbin had to change his feelings.

If he couldn’t change his feelings, then he needed to change how he acted.

He walked around their neighbourhood, thinking it through from every direction.

If he was being honest with himself—and he always tried to be honest, especially with himself—his feelings weren’t going to change. He loved Hyunjin. It was simply part of who he was at this point, and Changbin wouldn’t want to change it, even if he could.

Which left the question: did he want to continue as things were?

Changbin thought about the way that Hyunjin looked in his bed, hair spread out on the pillow. He thought about the way that Hyunjin would press himself against Changbin in bed while the two of them tried to catch their breath. He thought of the way Hyunjin would throw his head back and laugh at some of Changbin’s jokes, the way he would smile into his fist when he didn’t want to find Changbin funny.

He thought of the way they would eat dinner together, just the two of them, and talk. He thought of the way Hyunjin would drape his arm over Changbin's shoulders while they waited to film or take the stage. He thought of the way that Hyunjin would ask Changbin for advice on song writing, the way he would help Changbin with his dancing. The way that Hyunjin would smile at him and Changbin knew, he knew that Hyunjin liked him, liked being with him.

Changbin had to stop trying to get Hyunjin to answer when he asked what they were, or if they could be something more.

He might not want to be with Changbin the way Changbin wanted to be with him, he might not love Changbin the way that Changbin loved him, but he liked Changbin–as a lover, as a friend.

That meant something. It had to.

Back at their dorm, Changbin found Hyunjin in his bedroom. Chan wasn’t in—he was probably back at the studio, and Jisung was still at the other dorm with Minho. He knocked on the doorframe, and Hyunjin looked up.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” Changbin said. “Can I come in?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes but didn’t say no. Changbin stepped inside the room, debating for a moment if he should sit down on the bed. After a moment Hyunjin rolled his eyes again. “Sit down, hyung.”

Changbin sat.

“So?” Hyunjin said after a moment of silence.

“Did you get my text?” Changbin asked.

Hyunjin ignored him.

“Jinnie, come on. I said I was sorry.”

Hyunjin put down his pen. “You always say that.”

That was fair. They’d had this same fight in the past, more than once. It was true that every time they did, Changbin apologized. He said that he understood. He had even meant it when he said it. He understood now that he didn’t.

“I do,” Changbin admitted. “I did.” He paused, trying to think how to convey what he felt. “I thought about what you said,” he continued. “A lot, and I realised I wasn’t being fair to you. I realised—” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I should stop.”

“You want to break—You want to stop this?”

Changbin looked up into Hyunjin’s wide eyes. “No,” he said. “No, I don’t.” He could understand how Hyunjin would be surprised by Changbin wanting to stop their arrangement, when he had been the one pushing for something deeper all along.

“So what are you talking about?” Hyunjin asked, sounding exasperated.

“I’m talking about me, not us,” he said. “I wasn’t listening to you before. I kept hoping–wanting–It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have been clear about your boundaries and I should have listened better. I will listen better. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin looked down, and picked up his pen again. He started drawing, and Changbin wondered if he should leave. If he would get a response.

“And was all this thinking you were doing the reason you couldn’t text me back yesterday?”

Ah. Changbin understood. Hyunjin probably was upset about Changbin pushing him the other day. He had been upset about that, but it was old hat between them by now. He was more upset about Changbin not texting him back last night. Changbin bit down on a smile. It wouldn’t do for Hyunjin to catch him before he was properly forgiven.

“I’m sorry, Jinnie,” he said, scooting down the bed so he could be closer to Hyunjin. “Hyung kept me late at the studio. You know how he is. Someone needs to stay with him or he’ll never leave.”

Hyunjin kept drawing. “Hm,” he said.

Changbin took a deep breath. “Can I make it up to you?”

Hyunjin put his pencil down. Changbin scooted towards him on the bed, reaching out to take his hand. Hyunjin kept his face turned away for a moment, and Changbin reached out with his other hand, sliding it up Hyunjin’s arm until he could cup his neck.

Hyunjin kept his face turned away for another moment, until Changbin leaned in and kissed his cheek, his ear. He slid his fingers into Hyunjin’s hair, turning his head so he was finally looking in Changbin’s direction.

He closed his eyes.

“Come on, pretty,” Changbin said. “Don’t be like that.”

Hyunjin “Hmm”ed.

“I said I was sorry,” he murmured, pressing the words into Hyunjin’s jaw. “I said you were right, didn’t I? What else do you want?” He bit down on his tongue before he could promise he would give Hyunjin whatever he wanted, that he would give Hyunjin everything. That was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. Hyunjin didn’t want everything from Changbin.

But he did want this.

He dragged his lips across Hyunjin’s jaw, kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear.

“You could say it again,” Hyunjin said.

Changbin could tell Hyunjin was fighting a smile, and he pressed a kiss into his neck again. “You were right,” he said again. “You’re so smart, and also beautiful,” he continued. “I should always listen to you.”

“You should,” Hyunjin said, thankfully cutting Changbin off before he could say more.

“You’re so right,” Changbin said, nodding vigorously. “You’re always right, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin turned, finally, and faced Changbin. He put first one knee on the bed, then the other, straddling Changbin’s hips. Changbin put his hands on Hyunjin’s waist, palms stroking up and down, feeling the muscles under his hands flex as Hyunjin finally leaned in. He put his arms around Changbin’s neck and looked down his nose at him. He was so beautiful; Changbin loved him so much.

Instead of saying any of that, Changbin leaned in and kissed him. Hyunjin let himself be kissed, mouth opening a fraction. Changbin felt the corner of his mouth turn up in a smile, as Hyunjin shivered in his lap. He licked Hyunjin’s plump lower lip. It was one of Changbin’s favourite places on Hyunjin’s frankly ridiculous body.

Hyunjin’s breath ghosted across his face as he exhaled and Changbin surged up, kissing him soundly. Finally, Hyunjin kissed back. His tongue met Changbin’s hungrily, greedily. Changbin groaned into his mouth, gripping Hyunjin closer, tighter.

He put his hands in Hyunjin’s hair, tilting his head back so Changbin could kiss under his jaw, down his neck. He bit the swell of Hyunjin’s Adam’s apple, then let his tongue follow, soothing the sting. Hyunjin ground his hips down and Changbin could feel himself getting thick and heavy in his pants.

“What do you want, beautiful?” Changbin asked. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and tossed his head back. “Do I have to tell you everything? You’re smart enough to figure it out.”

“Oh yeah?” Changbin said. “You want me to decide? I can decide.”

He planted his feet firmly on the ground, one arm wrapped tight around Hyunjin’s body. Then he stood, and in one fluid motion, turned around and dropped Hyunjin on the bed.

A laugh burst out of Hyunjin’s lips, and he smiled up at Changbin with delight. “You did not just do that,” he said.

“You told me to decide,” Changbin said. He grabbed the hem of his shirt, crossing his arms as he pulled it up and over his head.

Hyunjin licked his lips.

Changbin grinned down at him, pushing his pants down to the ground and stepping out from them. He put his hands on Hyunjin’s thighs, sliding his palms down until he could grip the back of Hyunjin’s knees. Then he yanked.

Another laugh burst out of Hyunjin’s mouth as he was scooted to the edge of the bed. Changbin reached for the hem of his shorts, pulling them down to Hyunjin’s knees, where his legs now dangled off the edge of the bed. Changbin pulled them down and off, then knelt at the end of the bed between Hyunjin’s spread thighs.

He could see the bulge in Hyunjin’s underwear, and his mouth watered. He ran his palms up and down Hyunjin’s thighs, bringing the tips of his fingers closer and closer to Hyunjin’s bulge each time he did. On the fourth stroke, he tucked his fingers under the hem of his boxer briefs. Hyunjin’s skin was soft and smooth.

He ran his fingers over Hyunjin’s legs again, then let his fingers linger underneath the material of Hyunjin’s underwear. He pushed further, and Hyunjin spread his legs just a little, enough to make space for Changbin’s seeking fingers.

He brushed against Hyunjin’s balls, and Hyunjin jerked, legs falling further apart.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin whined. “Stop teasing me.”

Changbin pressed his face against Hyunjin’s thigh, hiding a smile against his knee.

“Stop teasing you, Jin-ah? Should I be serious right now?”

Hyunjin threw his head back, and Changbin admired the long line of his throat. Hyunjin threw a leg over Changbin’s shoulder, kicking Changbin’s back with his heel.

Changbin kissed the inside of Hyunjin’s thigh. “You’re right,” he said, placing another kiss. “You’re right, sweetheart. Let me make it up to you, yeah?”

He grabbed the waistband of Hyunjin’s underwear, pulling it down over his hips. Hyunjin lifted as he did, and between the two of them, they stripped him.

Changbin kissed up the inside of Hyunjin’s thigh, letting his mouth linger on the soft skin, admiring the way his strong legs flexed with pleasure and anticipation. After a long moment, Hyunjin kicked him again, and Changbin fit his hands under Hyunjin’s ass, hauling him even closer.

Hyunjin let out a squealing gasp, but Changbin didn’t give him a chance to complain. He opened his mouth, letting the plump head of Hyunjin’s cock fall against his tongue.

“Oh fuck,” Hyunjin gasped.

“That’s it,” Changbin said. “I got you, baby.” He swirled his tongue around the tip, dipping into the slit where Hyunjiin was particularly sensitive.

As expected, Hyunjin moaned, and Changbin pressed an arm across his hips, pinning him down to the bed. “Oh fuck,” he said again, and Changbin opened his lips wide enough to suck on the tip. It was hot and hard against his tongue, and already salty from the precome that had gathered there. Changbin lapped it up greedily, then took Hyunjin deeper, letting the head of his cock rub against the roof of Changbin’s mouth.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin said. “Please, oh please, need you.”

Changbin squeezed Hyunjin’s hip rather than pull off and reply. Besides, if his mouth was otherwise occupied, he wouldn’t be able to say anything that would cross any of Hyunjin’s boundaries.

Hyunjin’s hands landed in Changbin’s hair, carding through the strands and pulling lightly whenever Changbin took him deeper into the back of his throat. The sting was grounding, keeping Changbin in the moment. He had all his attention on Hyunjin, like taking care of him, pleasing him, was the only thing that mattered.

He circled a fist around the base of Hyunjin’s cock, holding him steady, then swallowed down as much as he could. Hyunjin’s cock was long and skinny, and Changbin couldn’t fit most of the length in his mouth, but he knew how to use his tongue and he had good coordination. He worked his fist and mouth in tandem, taking Hyunjin shallow but tight.

Hyunjin’s moans were loud and continuous and Changbin knew he should worry about someone hearing them, but he could only do one thing at a time and right now he was fully absorbed with making sure Hyunjin felt good.

“That’s it,” he said, pulling off Hyunjin’s cock with a pop. A long string of saliva stretched between Hyunjin’s glistening tip and Changbin’s lips, and he watched as Hyunjin’s eyes flickered back and forth between Changbin’s mouth and his hand around the base of Hyunjin’s cock. “Am I forgiven?” he asked, leaning down to press a kiss to the very tip.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but Changbin could tell that he was laughing. “Make me come, and we’ll see,” he said.

Changbin grinned at him. “I can do that,” he said. “I can definitely do that.”

Before Hyunjin could make a snarky reply, Changbin dipped his head back down, pressing kisses along the length of Hyunjin’s shaft. When he reached the base where his hand was wrapped around him, he tongued along the edge of his fingers, licking between his grip and Hyunjin’s shaft.

“Oh god,” Hyunjin said. His legs were shifting restlessly on either side of Changbin’s shoulders, and Changbin licked down further, tonguing the very base, then taking one of Hyunjin’s balls into his mouth, then the other. He squeezed gently as he did, tugging briefly, before taking the head of Hyunjin’s cock back into his throat. He was wet and salty, and Changin loved him, loved the way he felt on his tongue and stretching his lips. He wanted nothing more than for Hyunjin to feel the same way he did, but since he couldn’t have that, he would have to focus his energy on making Hyunjin feel good. As good as anyone had ever felt.

Changbin could do that.

“Hyung, hyung, please,” Hyunjin was chanting. “Bin, Bin-ah, gonna come, oh fuck, oh please, please, wanna come.”

Changbin looked up at him through his bangs, hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard. Hyunjin pressed up against him, and Changbin felt him start to come, spilling hot and salty across his tongue. He swallowed most of it, only pulling off at the last second and catching the last of Hyunjin’s come across the bridge of his nose, his lips, and chin.

He licked off what he could reach, watching the way Hyunjin lay prone on the bed panting. Hyunjin lifted his head to look at him, groaned again, and flopped back down.

Changbin wiped his palm across his jaw and mouth, then stood up from the ground. He pushed his underwear down over his hips, and his hard cock sprung free. He used the discarded garment to wipe away the come on his hands and face before throwing it over his shoulder. His own arousal had taken a backseat to making Hyunjin feel good, but now it was the only thing he could concentrate on. He wrapped a loose fist around himself, savouring the way it felt to touch himself, the light pressure a perfect tease after he had ignored himself for so long.

Hyunjin watched him for a moment, then held out his arm. Changbin didn’t need more of an invitation, he put his knee down on the bed, then practically let himself fall against Hyunjin’s sweaty body. He nestled into the crook of Hyunjin’s shoulder, and Hyunjin wrapped his arm around Changbin, pulling him closer.

He threw one leg over Hyunjin’s thighs, and reached between their bodies to take himself in hand. He was wet where he had been leaking in his underwear, and he pumped himself a few times. His cock was hot and thick in his hand, and he knew it wouldn’t take much to have him spilling over. Hyunjin put a hand on Changbin’s jaw, turning his face so they could look at each other. Changbin allowed his gaze to roam across Hyunjin’s beautiful face, taking in the flush across his cheeks, the sweat beading across his forehead and neck, the way his eyelashes kissed the tops of his cheeks when he blinked.

He wasn’t sure what Hyunjin saw when he looked at Changbin. Wasn’t sure what was going through his mind in moments like these. He had to let those thoughts go. He had to be here, in his body, present in this moment. His thoughts and feelings were his own, and that was what mattered. Hyunjin here, holding him, that too mattered.

He tipped his chin up and Hyunjin indulged him, leaning in for a kiss. His mouth was soft and wet. He kissed Changbin slowly, like Changbin was something to be savoured, and Changbin let the thrill of that run through his whole body. The way Hyunjin touched him, that mattered too. He had to appreciate these things. He could do that. He would.

He tightened his fist around his cock, sinking into the feeling of the two of them here together. He had made Hyunjin come, and that alone was beautiful. He didn’t need to understand more, there didn’t need to be more between them, this feeling—the two of them, bodies pressed close together, that was enough, more than enough. Hyunjin kissed him deeper, his tongue sweeping behind Changbin’s teeth. He held Changbin’s jaw in his hand, and Changbin let his deeper thoughts drift away as he settled deep into his body. With his hand on his cock and Hyunjin’s tongue in mouth, he let his orgasm spill out, over, and through him.

Hyunjin didn’t stop kissing him as he shuddered through it.

Normally when they were together like this, Changbin would try to draw it out as long as possible. He lingered in Hyunjin’s bed, pressing their bodies together as long as possible, flirting and trying to make Hyunjin laugh.

That’s not what Hyunjin wants from you, he reminded himself. He needed to stop making these encounters about his own wants and needs. He had resolved to respect Hyunjin’s boundaries and that’s what he needed to do.

He lay there for the long moments it took them both to catch their breath, then forced himself to pull away from Hyunjin’s warmth and roll toward the edge of the bed. Their clothes were everywhere, and Changbin stood, searching the floor for his underwear. He finally spotted them underneath Hyunjin’s desk, and chuckled to himself as he bent over to pick them up.

“Are you leaving?” Hyunjin asked.

Changbin let out a sigh as he spotted his shirt and pants, pulling the latter on commando. “Yeah,” he said, as he shoved the dirty underwear into his pocket. “I’m sure you’re ready for me to get out of your hair.” He pulled his shirt over his head, then pushed his hair out of his face. He couldn’t see his socks but that was fine. They were all used to their clothes ending up in someone else’s laundry. He’d get them back eventually.

“Oh,” Hyunjin said. “Sure, yeah.” He nodded a few times and Changbin imagined he could see the relief on Hyunjin’s face, that he was glad that Changbin had finally caught a clue. “Sounds good.”

Changbin forced himself to flash him a smile over his shoulder as he left. Light and fun, that was what Hyunjin wanted. Changbin was fun, he could be so fun. He took one last glance, taking in Hyunjin’s beauty. He was always stunning, but this was one of Changbin’s favourite ways to see him–just a little bit soft and with his guard down. At this moment, there was a crease between his eyebrows and Changbin wanted–well, there was a lot he wanted, that was the problem.

So, with a casual, “See you later,” tossed over his shoulder, he left Hyunjin alone and went back to his own room.

It was quiet in the dorm. Jisung and Chan weren’t home, and he had just left Hyunjin, obviously. Normally when he felt like he did now, kind of buzzing, he would either bother someone for attention or go to the gym. Having already used his gym time for the day, and bothered Hyunjin more than enough, that left only his last outlet: songwriting.

He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop.

He stared at a blank screen for longer than he liked. The problem was, even though Changbin had resolved to respect Hyunjin’s desire to keep things the way they were, he just couldn’t understand it. The two of them—they liked each other. They were good together, both as friends and lovers; he didn’t understand why Hyunjin always wanted to keep him an arm’s length away.

He sighed, rubbing his nose. He could feel a headache coming on, and he desperately needed to–to– he needed to do something. Obviously, the things he had been doing up until now weren’t working.

He closed his laptop and pulled out a notebook instead. He needed to work on understanding Hyunjin’s perspective. Even if he didn’t like it, Changbin knew himself, he wouldn’t be happy until he could understand.

He thought about the way that Hyunjin liked to be chased. Changbin had certainly enjoyed chasing him. That was one thing they had in common, if nothing else. The game was fun, and something they both liked. Thinking that through, he let himself consider what it would be like to end the game. He could imagine what it would be like, he could imagine being Hyunjin's boyfriend and everything it would entail. In fact, he had spent a great deal of time imagining it. But the truth was he didn't know. Neither one of them did. Maybe Hyunjin only liked the chase, the game. Maybe he simply didn't like relationships at all. He certainly didn't like being called Changbin's boyfriend. Maybe keeping the game going was comforting to Hyunjin. Safe.

Why? What made Hyunjin unable–or unwilling–to put a label on what they had? The answer came to him quickly now: fear. Changbin could admit he found it scary too. Being together came with a lot of risk. Not just the social risk, or the risk to their careers, but what if something went wrong? Changbin certainly didn’t think things would go bad between them, but he allowed himself to really go down that road. What if they fought? What if they ended up so mad at each other that they couldn’t work together?

It was awful to sit with, but Changbin forced himself to really imagine it. What would it be like to have to do fanservice with Hyunjin if they were no longer together? What would it be like to have to spend long hours in the studio together? In dance practice? On planes and in cars and everywhere else? It would be awful. He could hardly imagine anything worse than that.

Okay, so that was a real downer, and from that lens, Hyunjin’s position made sense in its own way. Limbo was hard, sometimes it felt tortuous, but if they weren’t together they couldn’t break up. The only thing worse than this prolonged sense of uncertainty and wanting would be not having Hyunjin at all.

Really, were things so bad as they were? Changbin could admit they had a lot of fun together. If he could put aside his own desire to categorize everything, to have every question answered, to be certain, wasn’t it fun? It could just be easy. He just had to get out of his own way.

Finally he let the words flow across the page.

The next day in the studio, Chan stared at him like he had lost his mind.

“What?” Changbin asked, defensive.

Chan looked back down at the page Changbin had handed him. Changbin watched him scan across his words again. He read them a second time, then a third.

“What?” Changbin asked. “Is it bad? It’s awful, isn’t it? Argh, nevermind!” He went to snatch the notebook back, but Chan yanked it away at the last second.

“It’s not bad,” he said.

“It’s not?”

Chan shook his head. “No. It’s good, actually. Really good, Bin. It’s just–” He took a deep breath. “Are you sure you want this to be a Stray Kids song?”

“Well,” Changbin said, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah? I mean I thought it could be fun? Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Chan said. “Like I said, the lyrics are super fun and catchy. Just… how do I say this? Won’t Hyunjin, I dunno… murder you?”

Changbin laughed weakly. He had thought about that. They had never really shared the specifics of their relationship with the members. Of course, it was impossible to really keep things totally secret, Changbin was sure everyone knew they were sleeping together, but Changbin at least had never spoken to the others about how things were between them before his conversation with Chan a few days ago.

“I don’t think so,” he said, then laughed at the skeptical expression on Chan's face. “I know, I know, but it’s kinda an olive branch?”

“What do you mean?” Chan asked.

“Well, you know what we talked about? And how I want—wanted more, but Hyunjin doesn’t, yeah? It’s just kind of my way of showing him that I hear what he said, and I—I get it now.”

Chan put the notebook down. “Oh, Bin,” he said.

“No, no,” Changbin rushed to explain. “It’s a good thing, hyung, really. I’ve been wanting too much for a long time and that wasn’t fair of me. It’s better this way. I get it now.”

Chan picked up the notebook again, and scanned the lyrics another time. He looked back at Changbin with such sympathy and understanding that Changbin had to look away or burst into tears. He cleared his throat. “So can we work on a demo?”

Chan was quiet for a moment, and Changbin picked at a thread on his shorts while he waited to hear what Chan would say, hoping he wouldn’t push Changbin further on this. “What do you think about having some of the lyrics in English?” he asked.

Changbin cleared his throat again, beyond grateful. “Yeah,” he said. “I think that could work.”

Silence rang out in the studio at the end of the demo. Everyone was looking around, but not really making eye contact. Changbin felt weirdly nervous waiting for their reactions–one reaction in particular.

He tried to catch Hyunjin’s eye, but he was looking down.

“So,” Chan said after a prolonged silence. “What do we think?”

“Um,” Felix said. “It’s catchy.” He nodded vigorously.

“Yeah,” Jisung said. “Definitely.”

“Changbin hyung wrote it?” Seungmin asked.

“Well,” Chan said, “we worked on it together.”

Jeongin stood abruptly, and walked out of the studio without a word to anyone, slamming the door behind him.

Everyone sat in stunned silence for a moment, before Chan stood.

Changbin put his hand on Chan’s arm. “I’ll go,” he said.

Chan nodded and sat back down. Changbin walked out of the studio. The door shut behind him with a seemingly loud click. He could hear muffled voices behind him as he walked down the hall in search of Jeongin.

He had to poke his head into several rooms before he finally found him in an empty office. He knocked on the doorframe. Jeongin looked up. “Can I come in?” Changbin asked.

Jeongin shrugged. “Whatever.”

Changbin stepped inside the room and shut the door behind him. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Jeongin rolled his eyes and looked away.

“No seriously,” Changbin said. “It’s not like you to walk out of a meeting.”

“Well, it’s not like you to lack integrity.”

Changbin rocked back on his heels. The words hit him like a kick to the gut, even more so coming from Jeongin. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Changbin asked him, forcing his voice to remain steady.

“Did you really write that song?” Jeongin asked.

“Uh,” Changbin said. “Yes, I did.”

“Seriously?”

Changbin had been totally focused on how Hyunjin would receive the song. He pictured him reacting in a hundred different ways. He pictured Hyunjin taking his hand and saying finally, you get it now. He pictured him storming out and telling Changbin he never wanted to see him again. He pictured everything in between.

He had not thought about how the others would react.

Talking to Chan the other day was the first time Changbin had opened up to any of the members about what was happening between him and Hyunjin. It was the first time he had opened up to anyone, period. He didn’t know what Hyunjin was saying to the others–if anything–but if the way he reacted to Changbin’s mom lightheartedly calling Hyunjin Changbin’s boyfriend was anything to go off, he wasn’t exactly walking around like an open book.

Changbin spent a lot of time getting into Hyunjin’s head over the last couple days. It wasn’t a stretch now to look at things from the outside. It was clear that Changbin and Hyunjin were sleeping together. They had never gone out of their way to hide that. At the same time, they had never openly shared with anyone that they were an item.

Changbin meant for the song to be a peace offering to Hyunjin. A way for him to say, I get it now. I get you now. He wanted to make it clear to Hyunjin that he wasn’t going to keep pushing. That he accepted they could be together under Hyunjin’s terms.

Except no one knew they were Hyunjin’s terms.

From the outside it must look like Changbin was stringing Hyunjin along. Changbin couldn’t exactly turn around and tell Jeongin–who thought the behaviour apparently lacked integrity–that no, that was actually Hyunjin.

“Yes,” he said, after the silence stretched out between them. “I wrote it.”

Jeongin crossed his arms over his chest. “Wow, hyung,” he said. He shook his head, seemingly at a loss for words.

“Listen,” Changbin said. “I don’t want to air out how things are between me and Hyunjin–”

“Then you shouldn’t have written a fucking song about it!”

The silence after Jeongin’s outburst hung in the air between them. Changbin didn’t think their maknae had ever spoken to him like that before, and he took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said. “You’re entitled to your opinion.”

“That’s all you have to say for yourself?”

“Yeah,” he said. “It is. What’s between Hyunjin and I is frankly none of your business–” Jeongin opened his mouth. “But like I said, you’re entitled to your opinion.”

Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, and held firm. Jeongin’s opinion of him mattered a lot. Changbin never wanted anyone he loved to think poorly of him, but some things were more important.

“Wow,” Jeongin said. He shook his head again. “Wow,” he said again. He knocked his shoulder against Changbin’s on his way out of the small room in an uncharacteristic display of rudeness.

Changbin let him go, then took a few moments to compose himself before heading back to where the members were waiting.

Chan was speaking quietly to the group when he arrived. Jeongin was sitting off to the side, arms folded over his chest and shoulders hunched. Everyone went silent and looked at him as he entered.

Chan looked at him for a long moment before clapping his hands once. “Alright,” he said. “Any other feedback?”

Chapter Text

Hyunjin hated this practice room.

It was fine most of the time, but today it was seriously pissing him off. In fairness, most things pissed him off lately. Ever since the reveal, Hyunjin constantly found himself on edge. Irritated. He snapped at Changbin enough times that he had lost track of how many, and on one notable occasion, he snapped at Felix badly enough that Chan had intervened.

Hyunjin still felt terrible about it, even though he apologized profusely, and Felix had told him it was fine and that Chan was just protective. Hyunjin knew that, of course, but it still didn’t feel great having their leader tell him off for his attitude.

Which brought him to now. Practice was dragging. Hyunjin was tired. Tired and hungry.

He looked across the room to where Changbin was sitting on the floor, back against the mirrors. Jisung was standing in front of him, doing something weird with his hips. Hyunjin had long since learned not to ask questions. Except, Changbin was laughing. His hands gripped his stomach, and he was leaning so far to the side he was almost prone. His eyes were scrunched up adorably, and Hyunjin could almost see the “ha ha”s circling around his head—the way the staff sometimes edited him on video. Each “ha” a forceful exhalation.

Hyunjin couldn’t remember the last time Changbin had looked at him like that.

They used to laugh together like that all the time.

Hyunjin wanted Changbin’s eyes on him like that again. He was hungry for it—starving.

He lost track of how many times he had told Changbin to back off, how many times he told him to quit hovering, to stop pressuring Hyunjin.

It was the pressure that got to him. Changbin’s gaze was so steady. So heavy. The weight of it was enough to pin Hyunjin to the spot, heavy enough that he would never be able to leave Changbin’s side. The gravity of that kept Hyunjin awake at night. It felt like a responsibility. An honour. He had to do it right—not fuck it up.

So he ran. He retreated and pushed Changbin away and he shut him out because what would happen if that gaze caught him? What would happen if he couldn’t leave? Hyunjin didn’t make plans. He needed to be able to follow his whims, he needed to be light and free.

He just didn’t think Changbin would back off.

Ever since Chan and Changbin revealed I Like It to the group, it felt like Changbin hadn’t looked his way once.

Practice wrapped up a short while later, and Hyunjin sidled up next to Changbin to drink his water. Changbin glanced his way, smiling briefly.

“Good work today,” he said.

In the past that kind of comment would have been followed up with a specific compliment about what Hyunjin had done well, or an invitation to hang out later, but today he just put his water bottle up to his mouth and drank deeply. Hyunjin watched his throat work as he swallowed. Changbin’s skin shone with sweat. It made Hyunjin want to lick him.

“Dinner?” he asked, feeling an urgent desire to keep Changbin’s attention on him.

Changbin smiled. “Sure. Sounds good.” Hyunjin took a small breath, but before he could really bask in the win, Changbin turned his body to face the larger group. “Who else wants to get food?”

Jeongin walked out of the room without a backwards glance. Hyunjin watched him go with a frown. Something was going on with him lately and Hyunjin didn’t know what it was. Everytime he asked Jeongin what was on his mind he would brush Hyunjin off.

The door closed with a soft click and Hyunjin turned back to see Changbin also watching where Jeongin had disappeared. His eyebrows were scrunched together, and Hyunjin had to fight down the desire to press his thumb there and smooth it out.

“Sorry, hyung,” Seungmin said, pulling Hyunjin’s attention away from Changbin. “I’m gonna—” he gestured over his shoulder with his thumb towards the door.

Changbin nodded. “Thanks, Minnie,” he said.

Seungmin reached out and gave Changbin’s shoulder a quick squeeze before he also disappeared out the door. Hyunjin frowned again, looking between Changbin and the door where the other two had disappeared. Normally Changbin was the peacekeeper of the group, not in the middle of disagreements.

“What’s that about?” Hyunjin asked, gesturing with his chin.

Changbin sighed and pushed his hair out of his face, tucking it away with a backwards ballcap, leaving his face bare and wide open.

“Ah,” he said. “Nothing for you to worry about, Jinnie.” He smiled, but it didn’t totally reach his eyes.

“Hyung—” Hyunjin started to say.

“Did you say dinner?” Chan asked, before Hyunjin could finish his question. “I could eat.”

“You can always eat,” Changbin said, chuckling.

Chan shrugged in a kind of ‘you got me there,’ gesture that had no right being as cute as it was. “Lix,” Chan called across the room to where Felix was chatting with Jisung and Minho. “You wanna grab food with us?” he asked in English. Felix gave a thumbs up, but didn’t disengage his conversation.

“Hannie? Hyung?” Changbin asked, including the remaining two members.

“We’re going back to our dorm,” Jisung said. Minho waggled his eyebrows, making it clear that the two of them were going to make the most of an empty dorm.

Hyunjin pushed down a pang of disappointment. When he’d asked Changbin if he wanted to grab food, he meant for it to be just the two of them. It felt like they had hardly any one-on-one time lately, and Hyunjin could admit to himself that he missed it.

“Yay,” he said, smiling at Chan, rather than voicing any of those thoughts.

Felix skipped over after a moment. “Double date?” he asked.

The smile dropped off Hyunjin’s face, almost without his permission, but he took a slow breath. It wasn’t Felix’s fault he hit on a particular soft spot.

“Ah,” Changbin said, with an awkward laugh. “A friend date.” He smiled at Hyunjin, and even though Changbin’s smiles usually made Hyunjin feel light, this one seemed to carve a hole in Hyunjin’s chest.

He schooled his features. “Right,” he said.

Felix looked back and forth between them, a furrow of concern forming on his beautiful face.

Chan reached out and grabbed Felix’s hand, tugging him gently towards the door. “Let’s go,” he said. “I called a car for us.” He paused at the door. “Be safe you two,” he said to Jisung and Minho.

“Ew, hyung!” Jisung shouted.

Chan laughed on his way out the door.

Hyunjin slung his bag over his shoulder and started following them.

“I didn’t tell them it was a date,” Changbin said quietly, matching his stride with Hyunjin’s longer one.

“What?” Hyunjin asked.

“I didn’t tell them we were dating,” he said. “I know you don’t—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hyunjin said.

It didn’t matter that Changbin used to be the one telling people that their outings were dates. He used to smile and laugh and invite Hyunjin in on the joke with him. Each time, Hyunjin had brushed him off, and now he finally got what he wanted. It was good, he reminded himself. He coughed a little, his throat feeling tight for some weird reason. He quickened his pace and linked his elbow around Felix’s arm before he had to hear Changbin say whatever it was he was going to say about not wanting to spend time alone with Hyunjin.

A dinner with Chan and Felix—Stray Kids two biggest yappers—could never be awkward, but Hyunjin was quiet, and although Changbin was his normal self with them, he hardly even glanced Hyunjin’s way.

At the end of the meal Chan stood up to pay before the rest of them could get their wallets out. Felix chased after him, trying to push him out of the way. Chan giggled and pretended to sway under the pressure, but Hyunjin could tell he was playing it up for Felix’s benefit.

Hyunjin looked over to find Changbin staring at them with a look on his face Hyunjin couldn’t make sense of. It almost looked like—like, not jealousy, but something close. Longing, maybe. If this was years ago, Hyunjin might think he was jealous of Chan, that he wanted to be with Felix. It had been a long time since Hyunjin believed that Felix and Changbin liked each other. It used to drive Hyunjin crazy thinking about the two of them together. Felix was—is—the sweetest person ever, and Hyunjin believed wholeheartedly that he deserved to have all the things he wanted. When he thought what Felix wanted was Changbin, that was… difficult for Hyunjin.

He couldn’t explain why. Felix was one of the best people Hyunjin knew. So was Changbin. Surely it could only be a good thing if they had each other. Except whenever Hyunjin thought about it, it made him want to tear out his hair. Or Felix’s.

Luckily, in the end it didn't matter. Felix liked Chan and Chan liked Felix. And Changbin… Well, Hyunjin thought, or knew—but maybe didn’t necessarily believe—that Changbin liked Hyunjin. He said he did. He acted like he did.

Just sometimes Hyunjin felt frantic with how much he wanted Changbin, how much he wanted Changbin to prove his desire for Hyunjin, he wanted to feel Changbin’s desperation. He wanted to be sure that he was the most important thing to Changbin.

Hyunjin needed him to prove it. He needed Changbin to prove it every day.

Chan and Felix returned to their table.

“I called a car,” Chan said. “Are you guys ready to head out?”

They were, and when the car arrived Hyunjin climbed into the backseat. Changbin followed after him, and Chan and Felix kept up a steady stream of chatter all the way back to their building.

“We’re going to Felix’s room,” Chan said, mostly to Changbin. “I think Hannie and Minho…”

Changbin laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

Chan held up his hands like ‘it’s your funeral,’ and they all piled into the elevator. Chan and Felix got off first, and Hyunjin and Changbin rode the rest of the trip in silence.

Changbin unlocked the door to their dorm and they both kicked off their shoes. Jisung’s bedroom door was closed but there weren’t any immediately obvious sex noises.

“Well,” Changbin said. “Good night, Hyunjin-ah.” He turned and walked into his room without waiting for a response.

Hyunjin stood still for a moment before barging after him. He opened the door, letting it slam against the wall as he went.

“Uh,” Changbin said. “Hi?”

“Hi?” Hyunjin echoed. “Hi? Hi?”

“Um,” Changbin said. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Yeah,” Changbin said. “What’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with me?”

“Yah!” Changbin said, raising his voice. “Are you just going to repeat everything I say?”

“No!” Hyunjin said.

“Okay!” Changbin said. “Well, good!”

“Great!” Hyunjin turned and left, not bothering to shut the door behind him. He paced across the dorm into his bedroom, and then immediately turned on his heel and walked back to Changbin’s room, slamming the door behind him with a satisfying crack. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“No?” Changbin replied. “Why would I be?”

“You tell me!”

“Well I literally can’t, because I’m not mad at you!”

“Then why did you ask everyone else to come to dinner?”

“Sorry, Hyunjin, but what the actual fuck are you talking about?”

“I invited you to dinner! You! Not everyone else! Ugh! You’re so—”

“I’m so? You’re so!”

“Arghhh!” Hyunjin yelled. He took two steps forward and grabbed the back of Changbin’s neck, pulling him in and pressing their mouths together.

Changbin met him shove for shove and tug for tug. They ended up in a heap on Changbin’s bed, a tangle of limbs and half-discarded clothing. Hyunjin shoved on Changbin’s shoulders, until he rolled over onto his back. Hyunjin straddled him, pushing Changbin’s shirt up to his armpits so he could palm at Changbin’s ample pecs and stomach.

Changbin yanked on the waistband of Hyunjin’s pants, and they struggled together, pushing them down Hyunjin’s thighs. Hyunjin fought with the button on Changbin’s fly, yanking at the zipper ineffectually until he finally wrestled it open. He didn’t bother pushing Changbin’s clothing out of the way, simply pulled his cock out leaning down to spit on it.

Hyunjin watched the line of Changbin’s throat as he threw his head back. Watched the flush rise on his cheeks and travel down his neck until the top of his chest was red and blotchy. He shifted his thighs, and leaned down, bringing their cocks into alignment and wrapping his palm around both their erections.

They groaned in tandem. It was the first time Hyunjin felt connected to Changbin in days.

It didn’t take long after that. Changbin planted his feet on the bed, rocking his hips up to meet Hyunjin, his thighs bracketing Hyunjin’s hips, his arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s shoulders until he was perfectly surrounded by Changbin—his bulk, his smell—just Changbin.

He came with a long gasp, letting his body weight fall on top of Changbin, letting Changbin support him fully. Changbin thrust up against him and Hyunjin shivered at the delicious feeling of Changbin using him, his body, making himself feel good.

When he came, Changbin clamped down on the back of Hyunjin’s neck with a strong grip, and Hyunjin almost felt like he was coming again as he shook and shivered with aftershocks.

He lay on top of Changbin, catching his breath. Changbin ran a comforting hand up and down the length of Hyunjin’s spine, not speaking, not rushing him to move, just holding him. Hyunjin kept his face pressed into Changbin’s neck as he swallowed repeatedly against the sharp pain in his throat and closed his eyes to the prick of tears. Any dampness could be sweat, after all.

“Do you want to talk?” Changbin asked, Hyunjin didn’t know how long later. He shook his head but didn’t lift it away from the safety of Changbin’s neck. Changbin sighed. “Okay,” he said. “That’s fine, sweetheart.”

No it isn’t, Hyunjin thought. Changbin wasn’t supposed to accept what Hyunjin said. He was supposed to pout, cajole, yell, anything to try to get Hyunjin to talk. He was supposed to want Hyunjin to talk. Hyunjin couldn’t remember how many times Changbin had begged him to stay longer, told him that they could figure things out if they could be together. That was what Changbin was supposed to do. He was supposed to want Hyunjin, not to just let him go.

He sniffed and pressed his face further into Changbin’s neck. Changbin ran his hand through Hyunjin’s sweaty hair and squeezed the back of his neck again. It was meant to be comforting, Hyunjin knew, but all he could think about was the fact that Changbin had apparently changed his mind about Hyunjin, about everything.

He didn’t want Hyunjin anymore, not like he used to. He had written that song as a way to let Hyunjin down easy, and Hyunjin had to accept that. After all the time he spent telling Changbin they couldn’t be more than a hookup he had finally gotten his wish.

“Okay can we talk?” Felix said as he opened the door to Hyunjin's room without knocking.

“Excuse you, I could have been naked in here!”

Felix looked around, giving Hyunjin a once over. “But you're not. Too bad.” He pouted and Hyunjin couldn't help but laugh. Every time he laughed these days it felt like a big deal. Significant, like he hadn't laughed in months. Years, even.

Felix flopped on the bed next to Hyunjin and rearranged the pillows to his satisfaction, before turning his lethally wide eyes on Hyunjin.

“No, no,” Hyunjin said, and held up his hand to block Felix's face from his view. “Don't look at me like that, I can't take it!”

Felix did not stop the doe eyes. “Nooooo,” Hyunjin moaned. He shuffled down on the mattress, pulling his blanket over his head.

Felix scooted down the bed, tugging the covers out of Hyunjin's grip and joining him underneath the blanket. He reached out and pressed his cold hands into Hyunjin's ribs, tickling him until they were both a laughing, breathless heap.

“But seriously,” Felix said, once the two of them had calmed down and caught their breath. They were lying side by side, pressed together from shoulder to hip. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?” Hyunjin asked, knowing full well it was about Changbin.

“Don't make me tickle you again,” Felix said. “You've been a real bitch lately and I'm not afraid to make you pay for it.”

Even in the dim light under the covers, Hyunjin could tell Felix was smiling kindly to soften the blow. That didn't mean he was wrong, Hyunjin had been a real bitch lately. He was just so angry all the time, and he couldn't even yell at Changbin about it. Or he could and honestly did, but it wasn't making him feel any better.

“It's about Changbin's song, right?” Felix asked. “I told Chan he should beat Changbin up for it, but he just told me I didn't know the whole story and I needed to stay out of it.”

Hyunjin scoffed, but he wasn't mad at Chan and so it didn't have any bite to it.

“Did you chew him out?” Hyunjin asked, stalling for time but also curious.

“Oh, so hard you don't even know,” Felix chuckled. “He played the song for me first, before the group and I thought he wrote it, you know? I was ready to blow up the whole studio because who does that? It's so not okay!”

He was still chuckling, inviting Hyunjin in on his outrage, but Hyunjin couldn't force himself to laugh.

“Jinnie?”

“Lix,” Hyunjin whispered. He flipped the covers down and felt the fresh air of his bedroom wash over him. He stared at the ceiling. “I think I really fucked up.”

Hyunjin was ten years old the first time he had a crush on a boy. Before that, he'd always known there was something different about him. Something about him that set him apart from the other boys. This was the first time he could tell what.

It was his mom who said something. There was a new boy in Hyunjin's class. He was cool and smart and funny, and Hyunjin got to sit next to him! He wanted to play with him at recess and he talked about him to his parents all the time.

“He's so cute!” Hyunjin gushed at dinner one night.

“Hyunjin! We do not talk about other boys like that,” his mother scolded.

Hyunjin shrank back into his chair. He learned, eventually, not to talk about things like that. There were other comments, of course. Not all from his mother, either. Classmates, aunties, well meaning friends, even a teacher once or twice. Don't wear that. Don't stand like that. Don't say that. He could still remember the first time a classmate asked a friend if Hyunjin was his boyfriend. The way that stung. The way it sounded like another word.

Now, Felix opened his arms. “Tell me,” he said.

Hyunjin did. He told Felix everything from the first time he and Changbin had slept together, how good it felt and how Hyunjin hadn't wanted to leave. How much that scared him. When Changbin agreed that it didn't mean anything, Hyunjin was equally relieved and enraged. Every time Changbin tried to pull him closer, hold him tighter and for longer, Hyunjin heard those voices in his head—his mom's voice—saying we don't talk about boys like that.

He told Felix about all the fights he and Changbin had on the topic, how much Changbin had pressed him, how easy it seemed for Changbin all of the time. He just wanted Hyunjin to be his boyfriend? Like it was simple? Even now, that filled Hyunjin with a rage he knew Changbin didn’t deserve. It made him want to break things, even the good things, things that he cared about. He told Felix how much it hurt to hear Changbin’s mom call Hyunjin his boyfriend, when his own mother would still ask him if he had met any nice girls lately.

“And then ever since this stupid song, it’s like he doesn’t even like me anymore,” Hyunjin finished. “He never wants to hang out, and the other day he invited you guys to dinner and I think he just—” He took a deep breath. “He got over it.”

He paused, taking a deep breath. It felt good to let all of that out, even if it was the first time he admitted out loud how scared he was Changbin had changed his mind.

Felix handed him a tissue and Hyunjin blew his nose. That done, he looked at Felix expectantly. “Well?” he asked. “What do you think?”

“Chan's mom hates me,” he said.

That was the last thing Hyunjin expected him to say. It startled a laugh out of him. “What? No she doesn't. And no offense but can we talk about me for a second?”

Felix rolled his eyes. “She doesn't hate me but she's mad at me. And it’s relevant, I promise.”

“Fine,” Hyunjin said. “I’ll bite. Why?”

“Because I don't let Chan tell people about us.”

“What?”

Felix sighed, and tugged on Hyunjin’s shoulders until the two of them were snuggled up together.

“My mom…” Felix started. “I love her, and she loves me, don’t get me wrong. It’s just harder for her, you know? And don’t get me started on my dad.” Felix almost never spoke about his dad, and Hyunjin’s curiosity was reluctantly piqued. “She goes to church, she talks to her church friends, she volunteers at the church… It’s like her whole life, and as much as I know that she loves me, that she would do anything for me, she still goes to church. I can’t even blame her for it, cause I miss it too, you know? Like God and I… anyway, we’re not here to talk about that.”

“Right,” Hyunjin said. “So how does that…?”

“Chan’s mom doesn’t get that. She thinks anyone should be proud to be with her son—and obviously I agree with that—but it’s not so simple for me. Chan’s parents know some of my mom’s friends, and—”

Hyunjin got it. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay. But she doesn’t hate you, Lixie.”

Felix laughed a bit. “I know she doesn’t really, but it’s different for her. It’s different for Chan, and I think maybe it’s different for Changbin?”

Hyunjin shrugged, because the truth was he didn’t actually know. His mom, at least, had to be okay enough with it to joke about Hyunjin being Changbin’s boyfriend, but beyond that they had never talked about it.

“It’s just so hard,” Hyunjin said, ignoring Felix’s question. His face was wet, and Hyunjin wiped at the tears, almost bewilderedly. The feeling had come on so quickly, and so strong. “I’m just so scared,” he said.

Felix rubbed his back. “I know, baby,” he said. “I know.”

Later, once Hyunjin had cried himself out and the two of them ordered food, Felix turned to him. “Wait,” he said. “Then what’s with the song?”

Hyunjin threw his hands up, and flopped back onto his pile of pillows. “I don’t know!” he said. “I feel like he just completely changed his mind and this is the way he can tell me without telling me.”

Felix took a bite of chicken and hummed. “No,” he said slowly. “That’s not it.”

“How do you know?”

“He still loves you.”

“Did he tell you that?” Felix shook his head. “Did Chan tell you that?” Another shake. “Then what?”

“He’s obsessed with you! That doesn’t just go away.” They ate in silence for a moment. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“About the song?”

“Yeah.”

“How can I? What would I even say?”

“Hey bro, what gives?”

“Bro? Not all of us can be you and Chan hyung with your weird jock kink.” Felix shrugged, unrepentant. “Ugh, you’re no help!”

“That’s a lie,” Felix said. “I’m the most helpful ever.” Hyunjin turned back to his dinner, but the truth was he did feel a lot better. “Just promise me you’ll at least think about talking to hyung.”

Hyunjin sighed.

“I really think it would help,” Felix pressed. “Just give him a chance to explain himself.”

“I’ll think about it,” Hyunjin said.

“Hey hyung,” Hyunjin said, taking a seat next to Changbin on the couch in Chan’s studio. “Do you want to head back to the dorm together? You said you’re done, right?”

Hyunjin hated the hopeful tone of his voice. He hated the desperate, anxious feeling clawing at his chest. He hated the way Changbin wouldn’t look at him, the way all his attention was focused on his phone, and not on Hyunjin.

“Hyung?” Hyunjin asked, when the moment stretched on without a response.

“Oh,” Changbin said, finally putting his phone down and looking at Hyunjin. He smiled, eyes crinkling up cutely. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Hyunjin smiled back, feeling relieved, then feeling annoyed at himself for being relieved. In the car on the way back to their dorm, however, it seemed like that relief was premature. Changbin kept his attention on his phone, not looking up once. What was worse, it seemed like he wasn’t even doing anything—he wasn’t on Instagram, or Tiktok, or anything. He was just scrolling through his text messages.

Anger and frustration bubbled up inside him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Changbin was supposed to want to spend time with Hyunjin. He was supposed to be excited by it, and talk to Hyunjin about their day in the studio, and he was supposed to look at Hyunjin.

He was supposed to care.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Hyunjin asked, once they were inside their dorm.

He hated himself for feeling so cut open, hated Changbin just a little bit for making him feel that way. At first, Changbin looked at him with such open pleasure on his face that Hyunjin thought maybe things would finally go back to how they were before. Then—

“Ah,” Changbin said. “Not tonight, Jinnie…”

He looked sorry. That pissed Hyunjin off more than anything else.

“Okay, whatever,” Hyunjin said. “I didn’t even want to.” The words came out vicious, bitter. Hyunjin almost didn’t recognize his own voice. Didn’t recognize the person saying these things.

Changbin didn’t look angry at Hyunjin’s rudeness, just confused. “Then why did you ask?”

He looked like he really wanted to know. Like he wanted to understand Hyunjin, and with his face wide open and curious, Hyunjin almost thought he could. Why shouldn’t he, after all? Someone should understand Hyunjin. He certainly didn’t understand himself.

“Ugh!” Hyunjin said. The vicious monster inside him was still in full control. “Whatever. You’re such an omega male anyway.” His voice dripped with contempt.

Changbin laughed—not like Hyunjin was funny, because none of this was funny. It was an incredulous sound, one that Hyunjin understood perfectly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“You tell me,” Hyunjin said. “It would be nice if you took the lead for once.”

The smile and incredulity dropped off Changbin’s face.

“What?” he asked, voice calm. Hyunjin wanted him to yell. He wanted Changbin angry. He wanted him confused. He wanted him as upset and torn up inside as Hyunjin felt. He wanted him to hurt.

“Well?” Hyunjin asked. “You’re always going on and on, I can never get you to shut up and now it’s like you forgot that I exist! You don’t talk to me, you ignore me. You don’t care about me! Yeah, you don’t give a shit anymore, fine! Whatever, I don’t even care! I don’t! I don’t care about you, okay? Did you hear me?” His voice rose and rose as he spoke, the words were everything Hyunjin was afraid of, but his voice was cold and cruel. Changbin’s face got stonier and more pinched the longer Hyunjin spoke and why wasn’t he yelling? Why wasn’t he telling Hyunjin off? He didn’t care. Hyunjin would make him care, if all he could do was cause hurt that was fine. At least then Changbin would care.

“Hyunjin…” Changbin said, voice still eerily calm.

“Don’t,” Hyunjin hissed. “Don’t tell me to calm down, I won’t! You wrote that song, you weren’t even man enough to tell me to my face that you apparently don’t care about me anymore? Well? Are you such a coward?”

Changbin stared at him for a moment longer, then sat down on the couch without a word and put his face in his hands.

Hyunjin didn’t know what to do. If Changbin wasn’t yelling at him, if he wasn’t fighting back, then things must be really over between them. Hyunjin felt the last grip of his sanity slipping through his fingers. He had to—he had to—

“Hyung!” he yelled. “For fuck’s sake, pay attention to me!”

Changbin looked up, his face streaked with tears.

Hyunjin closed his mouth. His legs shook. He sat down on the floor.

Changbin stood off the couch, and walked across the room to sit on the floor next to Hyunjin. From this distance, Hyunjin could see the tears falling. Every few seconds, Changbin would wipe them away, but more replaced them immediately. Aside from the inefficient wiping of his face, in no way did he acknowledge the fact that he was crying. Somehow that seemed scarier than if he made a big production about it.

He took Hyunjin’s hand and squeezed it.

Hyunjin’s eyes burned. “Hyung?” he asked.

Changbin reached out and wiped Hyunjin’s face. Oh, he was crying too. That was strange. When did that happen?

“Hyunjin,” Changbin said. His voice was thick with tears, and now that Hyunjin was aware of it, he could feel his whole body shaking with sobs. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“What” Hyunjin gasped. He clutched at Changbin’s hand. “Hyung, what? What does that mean?”

Changbin didn’t cry very often. Hyunjin thought he could probably count the number of times he had seen it happen on both hands. His eyes and nose were red, and Hyunjin felt desperation clawing within him. This was big. Whatever this was—and Hyunjin still didn’t understand it—it was big. It was going to change everything. He didn’t want that.

He clutched Changbin’s hand harder, and Changbin reached out and rubbed his back.

“I love you,” Changbin said. Hyunjin gasped, an involuntary thing that crawled out of him. “I love you so much, and I think you know that. I think you like it.”

Hyunjin shook his head, not wanting to hear it, not wanting to admit to anything. No, no, no, Changbin wasn’t supposed to say it.

“I think you like that I love you,” Changbin continued. “I like it too,” he said, mustering a smile. “I’ve tried to let that be enough, because that’s what I thought you wanted. That’s what you told me you wanted.”

“No,” Hyunjin said.

“Yes,” Changbin said. He reached up to stroke Hyunjin’s hair. “It’s okay. Sweetheart, it’s okay.” Hyunjin continued to shake his head, but it was no use. He had Changbin’s attention now, and it was like a freight train barreling down the track. Impossible to stop now that it was in motion, and Hyunjin was the one who set it off.

“It’s not okay,” Hyunjin gasped. That voice, that old voice ringing in his ears. We don’t talk about boys like that.

“Maybe not,” Changbin said. “I did try really hard. I tried so hard for you, Hyunjin, but I just don’t think I can love you the way I do and not show it, you know? Not when we’re together like we’ve been. I tried to pull back. I know you don’t feel the same way, and I promise it’s okay, but could you cut me some slack, huh?”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything, he couldn’t, not with the way the tears were falling.

Changbin pulled him close, gathering Hyunjin up in his arms. He stood up in a feat of strength that under any other circumstances would have Hyunjin swooning, and carried Hyunjin to his bedroom. He put him down gently on his bed, held Hyunjin while he cried.

Hyunjin didn’t know how long they stayed like that. The next thing he knew Felix appeared in his doorway.

“Oh Jinnie,” Felix said.

“Thanks for coming,” Changbin said.

“Hyung?” Hyunjin asked. “What?”

Changbin kissed him on the forehead. “I gotta go,” he said.

“No!” Hyunjin said. He reached out for Changbin, but his hands were clumsy and weak and Changbin slipped through his grasp.

“Yeah,” he said sadly. “I promise it’s okay. Alright? I promise. Just give me a bit of time. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

He lingered for another minute. Then he was gone.

Hyunjin cried himself to sleep, and woke up to Felix spooning him in his bed. His face ached, and he was afraid to look in the mirror, knowing it would be a puffy mess.

“Hey,” Felix whispered. “You awake?”

“No,” Hyunjin said. “I’m never waking up. Sleep forever.”

Felix gave him a squeeze and kissed the back of his neck. “That might be pretty inconvenient, if I’m being honest with you, but if it’s what you need I’m sure we could make it happen.”

Hyunjin groaned. “Stooooop.”

Felix gave him another squeeze, but stayed quiet.

“What did Changbin tell you?” Hyunjin finally asked, when his curiosity got the best of him. “I’m assuming he texted you?”

Hyunjin could feel Felix nod behind him. “He just said it was an emergency and you needed me.”

That was just like Changbin, too. Hyunjin wanted to be annoyed, he wanted to feel the same burning fire that he felt last night, but it was gone. Drained. Of course Changbin wouldn’t say that Hyunjin had been a total nightmare and blown things up between them for no reason. Of course he let Hyunjin have this, too.

“I just wanted him to pay attention to me,” Hyunjin whispered. “It felt like he was totally slipping away, and I was just—” He took a shaky breath. “I was just awful. If it wasn’t ruined before, it is now.”

“You don’t know that!” Felix said.

Hyunjin admired his optimism. “He said he couldn’t do this anymore. He said—” He had also said that he loved Hyunjin, and that it would be okay, but Hyunjin simply couldn’t see how that could be true. Not after all the terrible things Hyunjin had said.

The silence stretched on. Suspiciously long.

“What?” Hyunjin finally asked. “What do you know?” He rolled over onto his side so he could face Felix, who was looking guilty and biting his lip.

Felix continued to look guilty.

“What?” Hyunjin asked. “Just spit it out, it can’t get any worse.”

“Okaaaaay,” Felix said slowly. “It’s just that Chan told me that Changbin told him that I Like It was supposed to be some big romantic gesture for you.”

Hyunjin blinked slowly. “What. How?”

Felix shrugged. “He was kind of vague on the details, to be honest, but he said, for example, that Changbin wrote it to show you he understood how you felt.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hyunjin asked.

“I literally don’t know,” Felix said. “I told you everything. Chan hyung just said that Changbin thought you would be relieved, that Changbin was showing you ‘he got you now.’”

There was an air of truth to what Felix was saying that Hyunjin didn’t want to face head on. “I can’t think about this right now,” Hyunjin said. “Can we order breakfast?”

“Of course,” Felix said, giving Hyunjin another kiss, this time on the forehead. “Whatever you need.”

They ordered breakfast and ate it alone in the dorm. Changbin had obviously taken off last night, and Hyunjin didn’t know where Chan and Jisung were. Despite what he said, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Felix had told him—that Changbin had apparently written the song as some kind of message to him, but not the one Hyunjin had taken from it.

He needed to hear the song again, and so when Felix eventually left for his schedule, Hyunjin made his way to the studio.

Chan was, as expected, in his studio. When Hyunjin opened the door and poked his head in, he smiled.

“There’s my cutie ferret,” he said. “Come in.”

Hyunjin burst into tears.

“What? Why? What?” Chan stood immediately and crossed the short distance, putting his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders and leading him to the couch. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Hyunjin shook his head, waving his hands back and forth. “No, no, hyung, it’s not you, it’s nothing, I swear.”

Chan handed him a tissue and then he hovered right next to him, rubbing Hyunjin’s shoulders, squeezing his arms. “Hey, hey,” he said over and over again. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Hyunjin said when he finally pulled himself together. “I’m sorry, hyung, really. I just—I guess I just thought you might be mad at me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because of—” He gestured vaguely, trying to convey everything with me and Changbin in a singular hand motion.

“Hey,” Chan said. “No, I’m not mad at you. I trust you, I trust both of you to work it out—whatever that means for you guys. It’ll be okay.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” The yell burst out of Hyunjin’s chest.

Chan smiled, shrugging a little. “Because it will be.”

“Ugh,” Hyunjin said. “Whatever.”

Chan gave Hyunjin’s back a few more consolatory pats. “Fine,” he said. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Can I hear the demo again?” Hyunjin asked. “For, uh—”

“Yeah,” Chan said with a knowing look. “Of course, let me pull it up.” He clicked around on his computer for a few seconds before turning to look at Hyunjin. “Do you want to listen to it here, or I can send it to you.”

“Send it to me,” Hyunjin said.

“You got it,” Chan said, and within a few clicks Hyunjin’s phone vibrated with a text. “Anything else?” Chan asked. “You can talk to me, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Thanks, hyung.”

Chan sighed. “Okay,” he said. “Well, you know I’m here if you need me.”

Hyunjin nodded. Chan forced another hug on him that Hyunjin pretended he didn’t want or need, before leaving the studio with a wave. He wandered down the hall until he found an empty practice room and let himself in, shutting the door behind him.

Pulling out his headphones, Hyunjin pulled up the file Chan sent him and let the unprocessed sound of Chan’s vocals play. After the first listen, all Hyunjin could hear was that Changbin didn’t care about him anymore—didn’t want him anymore.

He pressed play again. He listened carefully, thinking about Felix saying that Changbin wrote the song for Hyunjin. For him, not about him. He thought about Changbin saying, I love you and I think you like it. He thought about the times that Changbin had called Hyunjin his boyfriend—both as a joke, and on the rare occasions it had just slipped out—and the way that Hyunjin had shut him down each time. He thought about the ways that Changbin had tried to talk to him about what it was they had between them, and the ways that Hyunjin had run from those conversations. He thought about all the times he told Changbin that it was just sex, or that it was just fun between them, that it didn’t mean anything serious.

When he thought about all that, the answer was easy. Changbin had written I Like It about them. It was just that Changbin wasn’t the villain.

Hyunjin was.

Three days later, Hyunjin was still feeling lost. He really needed to talk to Changbin, but the man was suddenly nowhere. Hyunjin thought they were bound to cross paths at the dorm, since they lived together, but apparently Changbin had taken to squatting at the studio, or maybe the gym for all Hyunjin knew. He hadn’t seen a glimpse of him since Felix had shown up to console Hyunjin through his breakdown.

The longer it went, the angrier Hyunjin became. Changbin couldn’t tell him things would be okay and then just disappear on him. He couldn’t promise Hyunjin everything would be fine and then just never come home! That definitely wasn’t “fine” or “okay” in Hyunjin’s opinion. The two of them avoiding each other—or really Changbin avoiding Hyunjin—wasn’t going to work. Like, really! What kind of plan was that?

When he wasn’t blindingly angry, he just missed Changbin. Normally they hung out together all the time, and yes, the sex was nice and part of it, but he missed Changbin. Missed his humour, missed his steady presence, missed the way they could just grab a meal together and talk.

He missed the way that Changbin would put his arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders whenever they were together. Missed the comforting bulk of Changbin’s body pressed up against his own. He missed the way Changbin kissed him, missed the way he smelled. Missed having Changbin close by. He had already lost track of the number of times Hyunjin had gone to poke his head into Changbin’s empty bedroom, or pulled out his phone to text him over the last few days.

Changbin said that everything would be fine, but what did that mean? Did it mean they went back to how things were (as unlikely as it was)? Even if Hyunjin wanted that—and honestly, he wasn’t sure that he did—it seemed unlikely. Hyunjin had pushed Changbin to some sort of breaking point, and it wasn’t fair to ask for things to continue in their same old holding pattern.

So what did Hyunjin want? Honestly, he wasn’t sure what a future for them would look like, or if he could ever quiet those voices in his head. One thing was certain, he wanted Changbin. If that meant he had to change how he acted, the least he could do was try.

The first step in this plan required talking to Changbin, and talking to him meant he needed to find him. If Changbin wasn’t at the dorm he was either at the gym or the studio, and Hyunjin knew he usually worked out in the mornings, so studio was his better bet.

He called a car, needing to speak to him immediately. That was, apparently, easier said than done. Chan's studio was usually a safe bet to find the 3Racha members, but it was empty, a rare change. So were the usual practice rooms they frequented and two of their usual vocal rooms.

Hyunjin groaned in frustration.

He wandered the halls, opening doors at nearly random, finding them empty too, or once opening the door to find a pack of startled juniors. It was several long minutes before Hyunjin could make his escape from their endearing (but annoying at this particular moment) clutches.

He opened a few more doors, not really expecting to be successful. When he found Jeongin behind the last door, they stared at each other for a long moment.

“Hi,” Jeongin said when Hyunjin only stared at him.

“Have you seen Changbin hyung?” Hyunjin asked.

It was obvious by now that Changbin was avoiding him, but that didn't mean he was avoiding everyone. Surely someone knew where he was. It was just frustrating that Hyunjin had spent so much time trying to avoid this conversation, and now when he was finally ready to talk Changbin was nowhere to be found. Changbin was supposed to want to talk to him! He was supposed to be the one making Hyunjin talk about his feelings. Now Hyunjin knew he had to actually talk to Changbin even if he had changed his mind, even if he wanted to end things between them—whatever things were—they had to talk. Hyunjin owed him an explanation for his past behaviour at the very least.

Jeongin scoffed. “Nope,” he said.

Hyunjin stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “Okay,” he said. “What the hell is going on between you two?”

Jeongin turned his attention back to what he was working on. “Nothing,” he said.

Hyunjin crossed the room and sat down across from him. “That’s clearly not true.”

Jeongin didn’t look up.

Hyunjin waited. Maybe he wouldn't be able to fix things between Changbin and himself, but he could at least try to make things right for Changbin and Jeongin.

Finally, a groan burst out of Jeongin. “Aren't you mad at him?” he asked.

“Who?” Hyunjin asked, stalling for time.

Jeongin rolled his eyes. “Changbin hyung.”

Hyunjin shrugged a little, uncertain how to convey the turbulent storm of emotions inside him when it came to Changbin. Besides, this wasn't about how Hyunjin felt right now. It was about Jeongin.

“Maybe a little,” he landed on eventually.

Jeongin scoffed again. “It shouldn't be a little, hyung. It should be a lot. A lot. The fact that he treats you like that? And then goes and writes a song about it? I'm sorry, but anyone who treats their partner that way is an asshole, but from Changbin? He's a hypocrite and a liar. I'm not sure I can respect him anymore. I don't know how anyone can.”

Hyunjin stared at him. That was… not what he expected Jeongin to say. “Um,” Hyunjin said weakly. “What?”

“Come on, hyung,” Jeongin said. “You don't have to defend him to me. I told him all of this already, he knows how I feel.”

“He does?”

“Yeah,” Jeongin said. “The first day we heard the demo. Not that he had anything to say for himself.”

“What did he say?” Hyunjin asked, knowing full well he would regret it.

“Nothing! What could he say? You can't exactly defend that position. He knew he was acting dishonourably.”

Hyunjin put his head down on the table, needing a moment to collect himself. In general he made it kind of a personal rule of thumb not to cry in front of their maknae, but Jeongin wasn't exactly making it easy on him.

Of course Jeongin would hear the lyrics of the song—the song Changbin had written essentially from Hyunjin’s point of view—and decide that Changbin was the one in the wrong. It was the same thing Hyunjin had done, after all. Of course he would also tell Changbin how he felt. Jeongin never shied away from letting any of them know when he thought they were wrong. And of course Changbin wouldn't correct him. He let Jeongin think poorly of himself so he wouldn't think badly of Hyunjin. Changbin, who prided himself in being honest and honourable. Changbin, who always did the right thing, even when it hurt.

Hyunjin loved him.

He loved Changbin so much. Maybe he had loved him this whole time, deep down under everything. Under the fear and self recriminations, under the scared and hurt little boy who had taken the reins. He loved Changbin, and if he was going to do this right, if he was going to give Changbin everything that Changbin had given him, then he needed to be brave. He needed to be the honourable one.

Hyunjin could do the right thing now. For Changbin.

“It was me,” Hyunjin said. “Hyung wrote that song about me.”

Jeongin reached out and patted his hand. “I know,” he said. “No offense but you guys weren't exactly subtle.”

Hyunjin lifted his head and let out a weak chuckle. “No, I mean… Well, yes, okay we weren't subtle, I'll give you that. I meant that hyung, he wrote the song about me, as in from my perspective. I was the one who… I was the one who didn't want… I think I do now, but I was scared and I didn't know…”

“What do you mean from your perspective?” Jeongin asked, looking slightly alarmed.

“I mean that hyung was the one who wanted a relationship, and I was the one who… didn't…”

Fuck, it sounded awful when he said it like that. It was awful. Hyunjin needed to find Changbin. He needed to find him and talk to him, explain everything.

“You…?” Jeongin said. “But hyung just let me chew him out and didn't say anything!”

Hyunjin covered his eyes. “Yeah, that sounds like him, stupid honourable bastard.”

When he looked up, Jeongin was looking completely horrified. “Hyung!” he exclaimed. “Oh my god, I was so rude. Oh no, I need to talk to him. I need to apologize.” He looked beseechingly at Hyunjin, and it seemed like there was a very real possibility that he might run out of the room right now to track Changbin down. Instead, he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. “ I'm going to die,” he moaned, then looked at Hyunjin. “And you…! What were you thinking, treating Changbin hyung like that?”

“Trust me, I know that now.”

“That's not good enough! You have to make it up to him!”

“I'm trying. I can't find the stupid bastard.”

“Stop calling him a bastard! He's a good man!”

The better than you mercifully went unsaid. If Hyunjin wasn't so distressed himself, Jeongin’s horror would be kind of funny. As it was, the two of them were just both a little shocked.

“Jeongin, listen,” Hyunjin said. “You're not saying anything I haven't thought about myself, trust me.” Jeongin eyed him like he was tempted to chew him out further, so Hyunjin hurried on. “I've been trying to find hyung—to apologize, I swear—for days. He's avoiding me.”

Jeongin muttered something under his breath about Hyunjin deserving it.

“I know, trust me I know. I'm trying to make it right. But listen, I probably don't deserve it, but will you let me talk to him first? There are some things I really need to say to him. Please?”

Jeongin watched him warily. “Why should I?” he asked.

Hyunjin spread his hands in front of him. There was an obvious answer he could give, but he wanted to say it to Changbin before he said it to anyone else. “I know I've been really fucking awful to deal with,” he admitted. “To Changbin more than anyone else, but I'm going to really try to be better. I want to be better. For hyung.”

“Hmm,” Jeongin sighed. “Fine. But I want to know the second you do, because I need to talk to him too. Apparently.”

Hyunjin sighed. “Thank you,” he said. “I really appreciate it.”

“Just try to deserve it,” Jeongin told him, as Hyunjin got to his feet. “Try to deserve him.”

He looked so fierce and so cute. Normally Hyunjin would be fawning over him when he said something like that, but this was different. Hyunjin knew that Jeongin meant what he said. Hyunjin knew that he needed to earn it. More than that, he knew now that he wanted to.

“Hyunjin?” Jeongin called when Hyunjin had his hand on the doorknob to leave.

He turned back to face him. “Yeah?”

“You should be better for yourself too,” he said.

His eyes burned, and he nodded once, not trusting himself to speak. He gave Jeongin one last wave, and then he left.

Changbin wasn't at the company. He wasn't at the gym, and he wasn't at the dorm. At least not at the same time Hyunjin was at any of those places. His only consolation was that the two of them were scheduled in the studio at the end of the week when Changbin was going to direct Hyunjin. He would see Changbin then.

Except when he showed up at the allotted time for his schedule it was Jisung sitting at the sound table.

“Oh what the fuck,” Hyunjin said before he could think better of it.

Several heads looked in his direction, and Hyunjin bowed an apology. “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, everyone.”

He grabbed Jisung's upper arm and dragged him into the hallway, Jisung's loud whining following them as they stepped outside the room.

“What are you doing?” Jisung complained. “I'm delicate!”

“What am I doing? Where the fuck is he?”

Jisung looked immediately guilty.

“Where?” Hyunjin growled. This had gone on long enough. Changbin couldn't tell him that things would be fine and then just run away. He could at least tell Hyunjin to his face if he didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

“He went back to your dorm,” Jisung said reluctantly. “Since he knew you wouldn't be there.”

Hyunjin growled again. “I'm going,” he said.

Jisung reached out and grasped Hyunjin's hands. “You can't!” he said. “We have… to… record…” His voice got weaker and he seemed to shrink under Hyunjin's glare.

“I'm going,” he said. “I'm sure you can make my excuses.” He stared at Jisung, daring him to object.

“Yeah, okay,” Jisung finally said. “Go. It's about time someone pulled hyung out of his funk.”

Impulsively, Hyunjin leaned forward and pulled Jisung into a quick hug. “I owe you one,” he said.

Jisung patted his back, then gave him a little push. “Okay go before anyone notices. I'll… say something. Maybe Minho hyung can come instead.”

Not needing to be told twice, Hyunjin quickly rushed down the hall. He requested a car back to the dorm, riding the whole way with his hands pressed under his thighs as he fought to sit still. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time, longer than he fully realised before now, and it was finally here.

His heartbeat pounded throughout his entire body, and he felt himself winding tighter and tighter. What if Changbin couldn't keep his promise? What if everything wouldn't be okay? How could he leave Hyunjin like that? How could he tell Hyunjin he loved him and then disappear? Hiding from Hyunjin wasn't right. He couldn't just do that to Hyunjin. He couldn't run away, he couldn't leave Hyunjin. He couldn't.

By the time he stood outside their dorm he was ready to fight, either for Changbin or against him—at this point it didn't particularly matter to him.

He opened the door with a bang, and found Changbin sitting on their couch. The apartment was completely silent aside from Hyunjin's heavy breathing.

“Did you come to call me a coward again?” Changbin asked.

His voice was so tired, so resigned, it immediately drained all the fight from Hyunjin’s body. When the silence dragged out for a long moment, Changbin finally looked up to meet his eyes.

Hyunjin bit his lip.

Changbin burst out laughing. After a moment, Hyunjin joined him, chuckles building up inside him until he was full body laughing, bent over at the waist.

“You did, huh?” Changbin asked once the laughter had died down and they both caught their breath. “It's okay. It's what I deserve.”

Hyunjin crossed the room and sat down next to Changbin on the couch, forcing himself to leave a good six inches between them. Forced himself not to touch Changbin, even though every part of Hyunjin's body was yearning toward Changbin's.

“I got pretty angry in the car on the way over,” Hyunjin admitted.

Changbin glanced at him once, then quickly looked away. Like he couldn't stand to have Hyunjin in his sight.

“I just couldn't come to the studio today,” Changbin said quietly. “It is cowardly, I know. I just—I just need time. I'm so sorry, Hyunjin, I just need time.”

“You told me it would be okay,” Hyunjin said.

Changbin pinched the bridge of his nose. His hair was a little bit flat, like he hadn't washed it in a few days, and the bags under his eyes were deeper than Hyunjin could remember seeing them in a long time.

“It will,” he said. “It'll be okay.”

“Hyung! This isn't okay! This actually fucking sucks a lot.”

“I know,” Changbin said, voice sounding more like his normal self. “I know, trust me, it isn't exactly fun for me either.”

“Then why?” The words exploded out of Hyunjin's mouth, loud and frustrated. “Why did you leave me?”

“I thought this is what you wanted!” Changbin shouted. “This is what you told me!”

“Well, you weren’t supposed to listen!”

Changbin stared at him for a moment, before flinging his body back against the couch with a loud groan. “Hyunjin,” he said, teeth gritted. “I say this with all the love in my heart, but you are fucking killing me.”

Hyunjin sprang to his feet. “Well, be stronger!”

Changbin tilted his head back and let out a weak chuckle. “Be stronger, huh? Like it's that easy to let you stomp on my heart and just keep going like it's not bleeding out my chest? Just be stronger?” He pushed himself to his feet, staring Hyunjin down.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said, a stubborn tilt to his mouth. He was supposed to be apologizing, explaining, but he needed to know that Changbin could handle him because he wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around. That wasn't going to change just because he loved Changbin. “What else do you have those muscles for?”

“You—!” Changbin took a deep breath. “You are the most infuriating man on this planet, do you know that?”

“Maybe I am, but I'm supposed to be your man!”

Changbin fisted his hands in hair and yanked like Hyunjin was driving him to pull out his own hair. “Can you make up your mind? Because I feel like I'm going crazy here, Hyunjin!”

“Well I made up my mind!”

“Great! Did you want to share with me at any point?”

“I would have if you weren't avoiding me!”

“I was only avoiding you because I love you and—”

“Well, that's a stupid reason to avoid me since I love you too!”

“What? No you don't!”

“Don't tell me how I feel, hyung!”

“I'm not! You literally told me we weren't like that. You said that, Hyunjin, not me.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Since when?”

Hyunjin took a deep breath. “I don't know how long. A while.”

“Then why—?”

Be brave, Hyunjin told himself. “Can I—hyung, can you sit down? Please? I'll try to explain.”

Changbin sat.

“Would it be okay if…?” Hyunjin licked his lips, feeling suddenly nervous.

“What?” Changbin asked.

Be brave. “Can I hold your hand?”

Some of the tension bled out of Changbin's body. “Yeah,” he said. “You can.” He held out his hand, and Hyunjin gripped it like a lifeline.

“It's okay,” Changbin said. He put his other hand on Hyunjin's back. “It'll be okay.”

Hyunjin looked into his eyes, and let himself trust that Changbin was telling him the truth. That it really would be okay.

“So it started with my mom,” Hyunjin said, and told Changbin everything. From the comments his mom still made, to the way his classmates made him feel. He even shared how hard it was to hear Changbin's mom call Hyunjin his boyfriend so casually. As he spoke, he could feel the tension in his body—the ache in his shoulders, and the pit in his stomach that he had carried for so long—start to unwind. They weren’t gone, of course. Hyunjin wasn’t sure they ever would be, but letting it out—letting Changbin in—was more of a relief than Hyunjin expected.

Changbin listened attentively. He looked angry at some parts, and sad at others as Hyunjin told his story. He squeezed Hyunjin's hand whenever he stopped talking but didn't interject. Brave, Hyunjin reminded himself again and again, he needed to be brave.

“I know I wasn't fair to you,” Hyunjin said when he ran out of steam. He wiped away a few lingering tears. “I—I would understand if you don't want to be with me anymore, but please just don't avoid me again. I think I can get through anything but that. I just need you.” He took a deep breath. Hyunjin felt like had experienced the whole range of human emotions since the confrontation with Jisung at the company. When he showed up and Changbin wasn’t there, he was ready to rip the man to shreds. Now, sitting in front of him, holding Changbin’s hand and finally telling him everything that Hyunjin was feeling, that anger was inaccessible. Instead, he felt a clawing desperation inside him. A desperation that Changbin would see him, understand him. Now he knew that simple understanding wasn’t enough. He needed forgiveness. Acceptance.

“I told myself I'd do the right thing even if it was hard, and maybe the right thing is to let you go if you want to, but I don't think I can, hyung. I'm sorry—”

Changbin kissed him.

Relief and gratitude fought with desire inside him. Hyunjin immediately wrapped his arms around Changbin’s shoulders, forcefully pulling Changbin’s weight into his body. His mouth opened eagerly, and Changbin bit Hyunjin’s lip before licking deep and wet into his mouth. It was everything Hyunjin had been missing. It would be easy, so easy, to sink into the familiar comfort of Changbin’s body pressed against his own.

Except Hyunjin wanted things to be different.

“Wait, wait,” Hyunjin gasped, turning his head away from Changnin’s kiss in a frankly impressive feat of mental fortitude. “Hyung, I wanna—I want to ask you—will you be my boyfriend?”

He thought it would be harder to get the words out. All this time, they felt like such physical things inside him. Now, they were outside of his body—outside of his control. The words seemed to hover between them. Hyunjin pictured how he would paint this scene—the desperation and yearning—the tension waiting to be broken. Changbin beamed at him, and the feeling crested, releasing Hyunjin at last.

“My Hyunjinnie,” he said, cupping Hyunjin’s face gently between his hands. He stared into Hyunjin’s eyes for a long moment before leaning in to press their mouths together, slow and sweet this time.

“Is that a yes?” Hyunjin asked, wanting to be extra sure they were on the same page.

“Yes it’s a yes,” Changbin said. His eyes were crinkled up adorably. He looked happier than Hyunjin could remember seeing him in a long long time. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be. Boyfriend. Partner… Wife?”

Hyunjin laughed. At the word ‘wife,’ something else unfurled within him. The possibilities that opened inside him felt big and endless. “Let’s stick to boyfriend for now.”

“So you’re saying wife isn’t off the table.”

Hyunjin laughed again, nodding and shaking his head almost simultaneously. His eyes were wet, and his body felt almost weightless. Letting go of such a heavy burden left him floating on all the opportunities that were in front of them. Changbin reached for both of Hyunjin’s hands, interlacing their fingers. Hyunjin leaned in to capture his mouth again and Changbin let him, kissing back. Not letting go of Changbin’s hands, Hyunjin swung one of his legs over Changbin’s hips, climbing into his lap. Changbin stared up at him in obvious delight. In the past, Hyunjin would shy away from those looks on Changbin’s face, pretending he didn’t see them, or didn’t know what they meant.

He let himself take it in now, the joy, desire, and yes, love on Changbin’s face. He wondered, briefly, what Changbin could see in his own face? Did he see everything that Hyunjin was thinking? Everything he hoped? He brought their joined hands up between them and kissed Changbin’s knuckles one by one, then leaned in to kiss him on the mouth, his hair falling like a curtain around his face.

“You okay?” Changbin asked.

Hyunjin nodded. “Really fucking scared. I don’t want to fuck this up again.”

“Yeah,” Changbin said. “I really know what you mean.”

Hyunjin scoffed, but softened it with another press of his lips against Changbin’s. “What did you do?” Changbin had nothing to be sorry for. It was Hyunjin who had held them back all this time. Hyunjin who had nearly broken things between them. He was so glad he hadn’t.

“I didn’t listen to you.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but Changbin shook his head. “It worked out okay in the end.” A squeeze to Hyunjin’s hips. “But I should have listened to you, Hyunjin-ah. I should have heard you when you said you didn’t want—”

“I wanted it!” Changbin gave him a look. “I did,” he said stubbornly. He could see that now, how much he wanted it, even when it terrified him.

“Fine. I should have heard you when you said you weren’t ready. I know I can be… hard-headed.” He chuckled self-depreciatingly. “It wasn’t only you, is all I’m saying.”

“A lot of it was me,” Hyunjin stubbornly insisted.

Changbin didn’t say anything.

“Yah!” Hyunjin yelled, pulling his hands free and smacking Changbin’s chest half-heartedly.

“It doesn’t matter who it was,” Changbin said.

Hyunjin should feel like he was being patronized, but he could tell that for Changbin it really was that simple. The old familiar routine between them—the push-pull of it all—felt different now that Hyunjin had bared his soul. It felt… lighthearted and fun. A game they could both play. It didn’t matter now, and with Hyunjin’s weight firmly settled on Changbin’s lap, he found it was difficult to argue.

“Just promise—”

“I won’t avoid you,” Changbin said. “I promise.”

Hyunjin watched him closely for a moment, before he nodded. “I love you.” It felt easy, now. True. “I can’t remember if I said it before.”

“You did,” Changbin said. “It was very… forceful.” Hyunjin pressed his face into Changbin’s neck. “Aw, are you feeling shy? You were so fierce!”

Hyunjin kept his face tucked away, until Changbin’s hand settled on the back of his neck. He squeezed once and tugged gently, drawing Hyunjin out. When Hyunjin finally looked at him, he smiled. “I love you too. Ah, Jinnie.” Changbin was right: Hyunjin did like the fact that Changbin loved him. It wasn’t until this moment that Hyunjin realised that he liked it simply because he loved Changbin too.

He reached up with his thumb and wiped Hyunjin’s cheek. “My sweetheart.”

Hyunjin couldn’t wait anymore. He leaned in.

Changbin’s mouth was hot under his. He opened his mouth and Hyunjin accepted the invitation, tongue licking across Changbin’s. He pressed his thumb against Changbin’s chin, pulling his jaw down to open his mouth wider. It wasn’t enough. Hyunjin would crawl inside him if he could.

“Hyung,” he gasped.

Changbin fit his hands around Hyunjin’s waist, holding him steady. He rocked up once, and Hyunjin could feel the line of his erection pressing into his ass. He ground his hips down, chasing the pressure.

“Fuck,” Changbin gasped. “Bed?”

“Will you carry me again?” Hyunjin asked.

Changbin wrapped one arm around Hyunjin’s waist, the other hooked under one leg. He leaned forward, and the next thing Hyunjin knew he was being lifted off the couch.

“Hyung!” he yelled. “I was joking.”

“I wasn’t!” Changbin said. He covered the ground of their living room in quick strides, only putting Hyunjin down when they were in his bedroom to shut the door behind them.

Hyunjin crowded him against the bedroom door, pressing his hips into Changbin’s body and leaning down to kiss him. Changbin wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s neck leaning into him. “Wait, wait.” Hyunjin pressed the words into Changbin’s mouth, not wanting to stop kissing him. “We’re supposed to be on the bed.”

“Then get on the bed,” Changbin told him.

Hyunjin kissed him again before turning to do just that. Changbin swatted his ass, and Hyunjin jumped, bounding the last few steps toward the bed.

He watched Changbin approach, watched him strip off his shirt and kick his sweatpants to the floor. He crawled onto the mattress, pushing Hyunjin back onto his back. He grabbed the waistband of Hyunjin’s pants and yanked. Hyunjin laughed, trying to lift his hips to help but it ended up being more of an obstacle.

“Stop distracting me!” Changbin scolded him when they were stuck in a tangle of Hyunjin’s clothes and both their legs.

“How am I distracting you?” Hyunjin asked. “I’m literally just lying here.”

“That’s not even true! And you’re trying to tell me your face and body and everything isn’t distracting?”

Hyunjin laughed again, giddiness bubbling up inside him. He sat up, shoving Changbin onto his back and pulled his clothes the rest of the way off. That done, he looked down at Changbin, legs spread invitingly.

Not needing more of an invitation, Hyunjin slid into the open vee of Changbin’s legs, letting their bodies finally fall together. The press of skin on skin had them both groaning appreciatively. Hyunjin ran the tips of his fingers across the line of Changbin’s collarbone and down his pec. He traced a small circle around his nipple, and squeezed it once. Changbin gasped.

Hyunjin squeezed the soft flesh covering hard muscle, and rubbed his thumbs over both nipples this time. “Good?” he asked.

Changbin nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Hyunjin, please.”

Hyunjin leaned over his body, reaching for where Changbin kept the lube in his bedside table. He pulled it out and fumbled with the cap, until Changbin helped him. Between the two of them they got lube on Hyunjin’s fingers, and he reached behind himself, pressing fingers against his hole.

“Wait,” Changbin said. “I can do that.”

Hyunjin shook his head. “No time, you know you get distracted.”

“No I don’t—” Changbin started to complain, but trailed off when Hyunjin groaned at the press of his fingers inside himself. Instead, he gripped Hyunjin’s hip, running his other hand up and down Hyunjin’s flank.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin groaned. “Need you, hyung.”

“I’m here,” Changbin said. “You have me, always have.”

Hyunjin groaned, bending at the waist to rest his upper body on Changbin’s impressive torso. Changbin stroked a hand down his back, then his fingers bumped against Hyunjin’s where he was opening himself. Hyunjin whimpered.

“That’s it,” Changbin murmured in his ear. “Come on, sweetheart, get yourself ready. Feels good?” Hyunjin nodded vigorously. “Yeah it does. You’re so fucking perfect for me, come on, ready for another? You can take it.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth on a silent gasp. He could, he could take it. He pressed another finger inside himself, rubbing his cock against Changbin’s hip. He needed Changbin now. Pulling his fingers out, he pushed himself up with his hands flat on Changbin’s chest. Changbin reached for the lube, pouring more onto his hand and quickly fisting his cock.

After a brief moment, Hyunjin knocked his hand out of the way. “I’ll do it,” he said. “I can do it.” Changbin let him, settling back further into the sheets. Hyunjin wrapped his palm around the thick shaft of his erection, enjoying the hot weight of it against his hand.

“Jinnie,” Changbin gasped. “Fuck, not gonna last if you keep touching me like that.”

Hyunjin groaned and shook his head, then pushed himself up onto his knees. Holding Changbin in his hand, he lowered himself down, groaning when the thick head pressed inside him. Changbin’s head was thrown back on his pillow, a faint sheen of sweat across his cheeks and along his hairline. Hyunjin watched him carefully as he slowly allowed himself to drop down.

When his ass met the meat of Changbin’s thighs, they both let out a grunt. Hyunjin already felt ready to boil over, and from the way Changbin was biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut he wasn’t far behind. Hyunjin rolled his hips once, then let himself lift up and rock down, enjoying the stretch and glide of Changbin’s cock inside him. He put his hand down on the mattress beside Changbin’s head, and let out a loud gasp as the altered angle had Changbin hitting his prostate.

“Is that the spot?” Changbin asked. “Come on, make yourself feel good. Want you to feel good, fuck, Hyunjin, need you, need you so bad.”

“Need you too,” Hyunjin gasped. “Hyung, I’m close.”

“Good,” Changbin said.

He squeezed Hyunjin’s hips once, then grabbed the back of his neck to pull him in close. Hyunjin turned his head, and then they were kissing again, hot and wet and sloppy. The sound of the mouths moving together wasn’t enough to drown out the sticky sound of their skin slapping, the hot press of Changbin’s cock moving inside him.

“Please, hyung,” Hyunjin gasped. “Please, please, please, need—”

“Take it,” Changbin told him. “Take it, take it, it’s yours,” he groaned. “I’m yours—!” His hips rolled up, quick and hard, hitting that perfect spot inside Hyunjin with every stroke.

Hyunjin reached for Changbin’s other hand and wrapped both their fingers around his cock. Everything was hot and sticky. The remnants of lube on their hands and the sweat that was pouring off Hyunjin made everything slick and it only took a few strokes for Hyunjin to come, spilling over their hands and Changbin’s stomach.

“You now,” he moaned. “Please, hyung, need you to come.”

Changbin groaned. He grasped Hyunjin’s hips and smeared lube and come across his skin. Hyunjin could feel him flex his legs and hips as he fucked up into the hot clutch of Hyunjin’s body. “Yes,” he gasped. “Fuck yes, fuck, Hyunjin. Gonna come, I’m coming—!”

Hyunjin opened his mouth, but only a tiny gasp escaped. He pressed his mouth against Changbin’s shoulder, then bit down hard enough to leave a mark. Changbin groaned and shook through his orgasm.

After a moment, Hyunjin’s legs started to cramp, and he rolled to the side. They both groaned quietly as Changbin's softening cock slipped free from Hyunjin’s body, and Hyunjin stretched out his legs, listening to his knees and hips pop as he did. Changbin held out his arm and Hyunjin settled into the warmth of his body. Before he could form any thoughts, he drifted off to sleep.

The next time he opened his eyes, the light in Changbin’s bedroom had shifted. Changbin was a warm comforting weight next to him. Hyunjin lifted his arms above his head, stretching his entire body. When he looked up, Changbin was smiling down at him.

“Hey,” Hyunjin said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Changbin reached out and brushed his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. “It’s okay,” Changbin said. “It was nice.”

Hyunjin took a moment to assess how he felt. His body was loose and relaxed the way it got after a good fucking. He was rested from his nap. He didn’t feel the urge to escape to his own room—at least not yet. Maybe that would come later. Hyunjin was always going to need his own space and some alone time. That was just part of who he was. But right now, pressed against Changbin’s body, still a little bit sleepy and worn out, he was content.

“Yeah,” he said. “It is.”

Hours later, after a second and third round, another nap, and Changbin ordering food for them, Hyunjin finally tracked down his phone where it had gotten lost in the bed in their hurry to take off all their clothes.

He bit his lip as he read through the increasingly frantic texts from Jeongin. Ever since their talk at the studio, he had been texting Hyunjin daily to check if he could finally talk to Changbin. It seemed like he had finally reached the end of his rope. The time stamps ranged from earlier this morning to the last one which had come in just an hour ago.

Hyung.
Did you find Changbin hyung?
Did you talk to him yet?
Hyunjin hyung, have you talked to him?
If I don’t hear from you I’m just going to call Changbin hyung.
I can’t live like this, I feel terrible.
Okay I talked to Jisung hyung, he said to leave you alone.
I don’t want any details but can you tell me when it’s safe to call?

“What’s so funny?” Changbin asked, when Hyunjin couldn’t keep his chuckles contained.

He tilted the phone so Changbin could read the messages, and Hyunjin watched his eyebrows furrow as he did. When Changbin continued to look adorably confused, Hyunjin recounted their conversation, and how horrified Jeongin had been to learn the truth about I Like It.

“I didn’t really think through how everyone else would feel,” Changbin sheepishly admitted.

“You didn’t think through anything! I thought you were done with me,” Hyunjin said.

“I don’t know how you could ever think that,” Changbin said seriously.

Hyunjin blushed and pushed Changbin’s face away from him. “He feels really bad,” he said, getting their conversation back on track. “Maybe you shouldn’t have been so damn upstanding!”

Changbin leaned back in, pressing their bodies together. “Ah,” he said. “I couldn’t let him think badly of you.”

“Even though I deserved it?”

Changbin kissed him. “You didn’t,” he said with complete sincerity. “No one should think badly of my—” Hyunjin watched him falter, and then choose to carry on. “No one should think badly of my boyfriend. He’s the best boyfriend.”

Hyunjin reached out to brush a piece of Changbin’s hair away from his eyes. “Hm,” he said. “Doubt he could be better than mine.”

Still got so much to find out, we playing hide-and-seek
Don't wanna end this game, hope it goes for eternity
Let's not go official, we can keep the "you and me"
Don't ask, "What are we?" Ooh, ooh, I like it, baby